#you should bring up that topic to get to the root cause and maybe this will awaken your family members to think about how they treat you

[seraphdreams]

https://www.tumblr.com/seraphdreams/734650996278558720/hey-seraph-i-know-i-vented-to-you-about-some

Thanks for letting me vent. It means alot to me. And thanks for showing your boundaries as well. If I ever make you uncomfy please let me know. Its also gonna be really long so I hope you don't mind.

It's just that I've been feeling alot more blue since the wedding becuase its just that ever little noise my (POS) younger brother has been making to trigger like roughly barging into my door so that it jiggles and stomping around for the same effect. Its gotten to a point where I can no longer differtiate between the two. Like he hasn't externally been bothering but he's been doing sly shit like slamming himself against my doorknob to jiggle it (what's the word?) And its not even rough its just softly enough to trigger me. And then hes been coming in to the room I'm in, looking at me as if I'm worth less than the scum is his shoe and leaving and after he's already triggered me in just put even lower in terms of mood and self esteem and he's made me feel like I wa sshit and that I have nothing good about me. And he even did it yesterday when I was trying to sleep and he was rocking back and forth and it was really triggering and I wanted to bang on the wall but I was afraid of him and I didn't want to fight him becisse I was afaird of him banging on my door and the general backlash which could cause a fight pulling my hair out (he does that during fights) and he's always just provking me to try snd fight him just so that he can beat me up. And then there's the fact that I cant talk to nobody about it bc my therapist discharged me for three months (that's their policy) and I'm still on the waiting list for counselling and I can't talk to my mum bc she dont fully understand or says that he doesn't (as much as I love her to bits) and I can't talk with my sister bc the last time I ranted to her about ruining my plans we got into an argument and I blocked her. And then on top of that I traumadumped my sisters best friend (who was my designated friend for the day) becuase she knew about the family drama and I thought it was safe to tell her and I also told her about being flirted with by a guy but I thought it was a joke and she reassured me (said that I was above average - beautiful black girl tm) but then she said that I was insecure and constantly looking for validation which alot of girls don't like and even guys and it makes me realise that I do it alot. And I just keep reacting and giving him a reaction bc I get triggered easily and I just don't know how to properly articulate what I'm feeling bc nobody in my family will even listen to me and even say that I'M the one terrifying him. And I talked with teachers and counsellors about it but they just say that all siblings fight like that.

Can you give me advice on how not give him a reactions. Or how to cope with his bullshit. Also what do I do if I am reacting. Sorry for dumping his on you, I just need someone to tell who will listen and not dismiss me.

i just want to say i’m sorry that all of this is happening and people should not be dismissing you especially the ones that are there to help you. that’s no “sibling fight” that’s straight up abuse. and though i’m not well versed on the subject of siblings, i just think that to stop giving a reaction you should stop caring. if i do remember correctly, you said your brother was younger? in that case, it’s futile to give into him since he’s younger and not important.

let’s switch the narrative here — instead of thinking that you’re the problem, think of his behavior. people who are happy with themselves don’t ruin others’ day. in conclusion, he’s just bitter and acting like a child and in that case he needs to grow up. his actions don’t reflect you.

now all of this won’t happen in a day, and if you find yourself reacting just remember that it’s normal in the healing process to fall back, but that just means you gotta push two steps forward. also find things to distract you or rewire your brain from reacting. when you find him provoking you, just think of something else besides his annoyances. something that makes you happy or calms you down. or just switch your focus to a whole new task/topic

[devildomwriter]

OMSWD ep.1: Vore?

You’re all watching a movie when someone gets eaten by a giant beast and that changes things.

Asmodeus and Mammon: *shrieking*

MC: “That’s hot.”

Satan: “Excuse me?”

Everyone is suddenly staring at you, very quietly as if they aren’t sure they heard you correctly.

MC: “What? Beel, you agree with me right?”

Beelzebub: *eating popcorn*

Beelzebub: Hm?

MC: “Joel got eaten.”

Beelzebub: “Oh…yeah…”

Belphegor: “MC thinks it’s hot.”

Beelzebub: “…”

Beelzebub: “…”

Beelzebub: “…I don’t know what to do with that information….”

Mammon: “Yeah, neither do we. The fuck ya mean it’s hot?”

Asmodeus: “Yeah, MC, cause I’m into a lot of stuff and I’m not really sure that scene got me going?”

Raphael: “May I add, I’m mildly concerned?”

Mammon: “Ah shit, I forgot the angels were still here.”

Simeon: “Not Luke thankfully…”

Mephistopheles: “Never expected MC to be the one to bring up such topics.”

Diavolo: “Hahahaha, MC you say the wildest things sometimes. Hahaha.”

Satan: “It might not be wild, we don’t even know what they mean.”

MC: “I mean my loins get hot when I see someone get eaten alive.”

Belphegor: “Oh, it really was that simple.”

Beelzebub: *starts sweating*

Beelzebub: “Is…that not the normal feeling?”

Belphegor: “No, Beel…”

Raphael: *sigh*

Barbatos: *chuckling*

Mammon: “Um? No! It’s not normal what do you mean?!”

Lucifer: “Calm down Mammon, MC is just joking…I think.”

MC: “No, not at all. Like when I was little I always got this funny feeling when it was implied the villain ate someone, like I thought it was cool. Now I realize it’s been an issue since childhood.”

Raphael: “Yes, I think ‘issue’ is the right word.”

Asmodeus: “Okay…maybe I get it? Is it like a power thing? Like you’re turned on they could eat you….or something?”

MC: “No. I like seeing them eaten…alive…remember that one scene in the movie NOPE?”

Asmodeus: “Eek! Ew, no don’t even remind me of it!”

Mammon: “Still get chills thinking about that scene…wasn’t it enough that we heard everyone screamin’?”

MC: “Or that one scene from The Final Prayer—“

Simeon: “Don’t remind me.”

Diavolo: *looking pale* “Is this…your method of choosing what horror movie we watch….by chance?”

Mephistopheles: “Dear Diavolo, that’s why I’ve had to watch so many people get eaten in horror movies? That’s how you find them?”

Thirteen: “Hahaha! MC you’re hilarious.”

Barbatos: “Solomon do you have nothing to say about your own apprentice?”

Solomon: “Well, I was trying to watch the movie but I suppose I’ll join in the conversation.”

Satan: “Solomon, that’s not a normal human thing right?”

Solomon: “Ah…well, I can’t say I run into it often…not unless you include cannibals but it’s been a while since I’ve been held hostage by any of them.”

Mammon: “Excuse me?”

MC: “I’m not a cannibal, just clarifying.”

Beelzebub: *looks like a lost puppy*

Beelzebub: “Is it not normal….”

Belphegor: “No, Beel…”

Lucifer: *deep sigh*

Mephistopheles: “Levi, is this one of your weird anime things? What did you expose MC to?”

Leviathan: “Please just leave me out of this.”

Satan: “No, it’s your fault!”

Leviathan: “It’s not my fault!”

Solomon: “The only anime I can think of is maybe Attack on Titan…or Tokyo Ghoul…there was that one eccentric character who liked to eat people—“

MC: “That arena scene was the best wasn’t it?”

Solomon: *sigh*

Lucifer: “So it is your fault.”

Leviathan: “They’d already seen the shows?! That’s one of the ways we bonded! Not my fault!”

MC: “You did tell me about—“

Leviathan: “Shh—shut up! Don’t blame me for your deep-rooted issues!?”

Simeon: “Levi may be right. This must be something psychological—“

MC: “I think Asmo fantasizing about his brothers should be discussed well before my Vore preference.”

Beelzebub: “…Vore.”

Belphegor: “Yes, Beel…”

Raphael: “Asmodeus do you really still fetishize your brothers?”

Asmodeus: “Ooooh, um…maybe? Hehe.”

Mammon: “Don’t ‘hehe’ me, ya nasty little freak!”

Asmodeus: “You’re just jealous!”

Mammon: “Of fuckin’ what?”

Solomon: “I just wanted to watch the movie…”

Thirteen: “Things are just getting good though, shut up!”

Diavolo: “Ahahahahaha!”

Barbatos: *sigh*

MC: “Why are you all so surprised? It’s normal!”

Satan: “It’s definitely not.”

Beelzebub: “…it’s not…really…?”

Belphegor: “No, Beel…”

Mammon: “Dammit MC, your explanation is crap! And did ya really say loins? Are ya an old man?”

Thirteen: “No, but Solomon is, and even he doesn’t say that.”

Solomon: “Now hang on a sec—“

Mephistopheles: “Oh look the credits are playing….”

Diavolo: “Ahahahaha.”

Asmodeus: “Okay, the movie is done distracting us! MC, spill! Where’d your weird fetish come from!?”

MC: “It’s not a fetish!”

Asmodeus: “Oh yes it—“

Mammon: “Raphael, not the spear!”

Belphegor: “Asmo watch out—“

Lucifer: “No you don’t!”

Raphael: “Guh!”

Mammon: “Oh! Nice one!”

Asmodeus and Thirteen: “Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!”

Barbatos: “All right, settle down now.”

Simeon: “Yes, that’s quite enough everyone.”

Asmodeus: *sobbing* “I just wanna hear a fetish origin story…”

Mammon: “I just wanna know what the fuck Vore means!”

Beelzebub: “I don’t get it…”

Belphegor: “We know Beel.”

Mephistopheles: “Well, I should probably go…I suppose I can look forward to another fetish-themed movie next time too?”

MC: “It’s not a fetish? What’s a person gotta do to theoretically enjoy a fellow human being eaten alive and/or whole for their own satisfaction and have no one judge them?”

Mephistopheles: “I don’t think any deal you make with me could be strong enough to reverse a psychological normality.”

MC: “…aww…”

MC: “I didn’t ask any of you anyway, I asked Beel! Beel you understand me right?”

Beelzebub: *nods vigorously*

Solomon: “Oh dear.”

Lucifer: “I’m not sure that’s a good combination…”

Diavolo: “Ahahaha!”

Belphegor: “Of all the things to have in common….”

Thirteen: “Oh I get it! That’s perfect! If someone tries to kill you, you sic Beel on them and get a free show, right?”

You and Beel lock eyes and the room is silent

Barbatos: “…I believe they’ve reached an arrangement.”

MC: “Not if they’re alive though…”

Beelzebub: “Mhmm.”

Raphael: “What am I witnessing?”

Simeon: “It’s best not to question it.”

MC: “Do you grow in size? Like can you swallow someone whole…”

Beelzebub: “I’ve never tried…”

Belphegor: “He can unhinge his jaw like a snake.”

Asmodeus: “No don’t remind me!”

Mammon: “I mean…he has eaten demons before. Does it need to be a human or?”

Lucifer: “Mammon, don’t join in on this!”

Everyone watches for a few minutes as you and Beelzebub get into more specific details of a theoretical situation until it becomes awkward standing there.

Solomon: “So…same time next week?”

Barbatos: “Yes, I’ll prepare the snacks next time.”

Diavolo: “We can watch the next movie at my place.”

Thirteen: “Neat! I’m going home now, those monsters inspired a cool trap idea!”

Raphael: “We should do something about them shouldn’t we…”

Simeon: “Just leave them to their fantasies, MC won’t really hurt anyone and neither will Beel. Isn’t that right Lucifer?”

Lucifer: “Why do I have to deal with this?”

Simeon: “You chose your brothers, and MC, this is entirely on you.”

Lucifer: “Dammit.”

[alicentflorent]

it’s interesting how the only person to show remorse after the altercation is alicent. don’t get me wrong i like rhaenyra, but we don’t hear about her feeling bad for implying she wants aemond tortured nor does viserys seem to regret insinuating that he would cut out his own children’s tongues meanwhile alicent very clearly felt guilty for the way she behaved and that she harmed rhaenyra. if the show wants me to root for team black they are doing a poor job because ever other character is more sympathetic than they are in my opinion.

I never thought of it like that but you’re right. Alicent was in the wrong trying to cut out a little boys eye and accidentally injuring Rhaenyra in her rage but she obviously felt genuine remorse even though her father praised her for it and framed it as some great thing she did (and we know she craves her fathers love and approval).

Viserys made me sick when he said he would cut out the tongues of anyone who doubted the legitimacy of his grandchildren. I get wanting to defend his family but he said it in response to his YOUNG CHILDREN calling them bastards in a typical child argument way and it should of been clear to him that they heard rumours growing up and wouldn’t understand that calling another child a bastard would be treason. He only cares about Rhaenyra and her children not the kids he made Alicent birth for him and it shows. He didn’t show any concern over what happened to aegon, he only got angry. Those poor kids never experienced love from their own father.

Rhaenyra has been one of my favourites in this show and I know she is supposed to get more harsh and ruthless but insisting that a child, let alone her own brother, should be tortured to find out where he overheard a true rumour about her children’s parentage is still gross. Like you said, she doesn’t feel remorseful about this from what we see. She also doesn’t seem to feel bad that her son has permanently mutilated and blinded another child in one eye. Even if it is in self defense it is not good that the fight escalated to that point. You’d think she would have spoken to Luke about it, Luke seems like a good boy and could be traumatised by the fact that he caused an injury that severe. Given how we’ve seen Rhaenyra be a good mother you’d think she would also talk to her boys, who by the way are still grieving Harwin, not to let violence escalate that far or talk to them about maybe practicing self defence that won’t cause severe injury.

Anyways this is going off topic but although I thought the knife scene was well written and showed us spilled truth tea on who the adult caharacters really are. I was ultimately disappointed in the way Nyra was written in this episode overall. I felt like a lot of her character revolves around her relationship with demon here. From talking about how he left her alone and she needed him with her (she had other people who loved her and was strong and capable in her own right) and I mean you could argue that this is to show how the relationship isn’t healthy and young Rhaenyra has been groomed into an unhealthy attachment but the scene was written as romantic and followed with a sex scene (which went on the same time their kids were sneaking out and getting into a pretty dangerous fight) and then after the events of that night her next priority is figuring out a way to marry demon and create some true targaryen legitimate heirs. She is okay with faking Laenors death and marrying daemon right after without considering how it will impact all four kids and how faking laenors death means the boys will lose another father a couple of weeks after they lost Harwin and be re-traumatised. Even if they’ve been told he is alive they’d be feeling so betrayed by both parents for doing such a thing. Demon is gonna be her downfall, he has a hold on her and brings out her worse and I hope the show doesn’t try to #powercouple them.

I agree about team black and I’m hoping that the reason we don’t find them rootable is because we aren’t supposed to. I like and hate certain members of both teams but I think they’re both bad and I am hoping the show makes both teams morally grey instead of going with the whole good guys vs bad guys because this is an asoiaf story not a marvel movie.

[hockeylvr59]

Honest Love Part 9 || Cale Makar

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no

Authors Note: When Laura and Gary come to town, a bombshell announcement gets dropped and Gary and Cale talk about some other future life changes. This chapter is a good portion of Secret Love Chapter 25 from Laura and Gary's POVs but there's some new stuff in there as well.

Warnings: none / Word Count: 1,940

~~~~

Laura’s POV

Gary had already had to tell her more than once to relax and they hadn’t even reached Denver yet. But Laura couldn’t help but be excited to go down to Denver and spend a week with her eldest son and his girlfriend who was essentially already her daughter. It had been just over two months since they’d made the big move in together and Laura was anxious to see how things were going for them now that they were living together and planning a future. 

They were meeting them for dinner and Laura was itching just to hug them both after so long. Thankfully their flight arrived on time and after renting a car, she and Gary headed to their hotel, checking in and getting settled. They each grabbed a quick shower before dressing for dinner and Gary texted Cale to confirm the restaurant. 

Arriving at dinner, Laura held Cale and then y/n tightly noting that there was something different about them both. They still looked happy and completely in love and so she attributed the difference to just how they had settled into their relationship continuing to evolve. 

When they were standing, Cale had a hand resting on her lower back and when they were seated, she had a hand resting on his knee but otherwise things seemed normal and content. 

“Yeah we’ve been talking a little about maybe buying a house.” Hearing her future daughter in law mention that made Laura look between the two of them before looking at her husband who had raised an eyebrow. 

Though Cale wasn’t on a long term contract yet, he was eligible to sign one this summer so it wasn’t a complete shock that they were starting to think about putting down roots. 

“After all, someone here wants a dog at some point and you guys shouldn’t have to stay in a hotel every time you want to come visit.” No one could deny that her points made sense and so the topic was left at that. With Cale and Gary talking about last night’s game, Laura inquired about what things they might be looking at wanting for Christmas. 

With Calgary drama, Taylor drama, and other topics mixed in, dinner passed quickly and it wasn’t long before they were saying good night after making plans to spend tomorrow afternoon at the apartment. 

++

With Cale having practice in the morning, Laura had made Gary take her out for breakfast before the two of them just wandered around Denver a bit, still getting to know the city their son called home now. 

On their way to the apartment they stopped and picked up lunch to take over, but when Laura walked into the apartment she could already smell food and could hear Cale banging away in the kitchen. 

“You’re dad texted that we were bringing lunch, why are you cooking?” 

“Because Y/N wants soup.” Cale’s reply left her even more confused because Laura knew that they had picked up y/n’s favorite food and that Gary had texted that specifically to Cale.

“But you knew we were bringing one of her favorites.” 

“Mom…she wasn’t feeling well this morning okay.” Cale stated with a sigh. “Soup is easy on the stomach, that is not.”

Y/N had looked like she’d felt fine last night so Laura was worried about what could have caused her to wake up feeling ill this morning. 

“Is she sick? Cale, why didn’t you tell us? If she’s not feeling well we can go find something else to do.”

“She’s fine now.” Laura should have known her son well enough to pick up on the fact that he was starting to get annoyed but she was too focused on her son’s girlfriend and her wellbeing to notice.

“Seriously Cale, if Y/N isn’t feeling well she should be resting, not having to worry about entertaining us.” As much as they wanted to see them, they could push this off until tomorrow or Thursday when Cale had another practice only day. 

“Mom. Relax.” Cale’s tone was forceful but Laura wasn’t about to let it be. 

“Cale…we’d rather her rest now and kick whatever this is quicker than…”

“Y/N’s pregnant.” It was stated so bluntly that it didn’t even process fully and Laura gripped the counter as her face morphed into shock and awe. 

“What?” She hadn’t even realized she’d spoken until y/n herself appeared, sliding under Cale’s arm and tucking herself against his side. Looking at Cale and then over at y/n again Laura swallowed the lump forming in her throat. 

“You’re pregnant?”

Unlike the lump, the tears welled uncontrollably and when y/n nodded and stepped away from Cale for a moment before setting a series of what were unmistakably ultrasound pictures onto the counter, it all slowly started to click into place. 

“How do you feel about being a grandma?” Y/N asked and Laura couldn’t remain in place any longer, flying around the island to pull her daughter into a hug. This was something she had dreamed of for years and now it was actually true after everything. 

“You’re pregnant. You’re really pregnant.”

“Yeah mom. I’m pregnant.” 

“Oh my lord.”

As the tears finally fell at the realization that her baby was having a baby for real this time, Laura couldn’t help but be a little confused. They had only been together for about six months, certainly they hadn’t made the decision to have a baby already…before they’d even gotten engaged. 

“This wasn’t planned was it?”

“No, it wasn’t planned.” Her son confirmed, speaking up for the first time since dropping the bombshell news. Remembering all the drama from what seemed like ages ago but was really less than a year, Laura needed confirmation that this time it was a good thing. 

“But you’re happy?”

“We’re so happy.” Cale confirmed. “Best surprise ever.” The way her son looked at his girlfriend told Laura that his statement was absolutely the truth and that he couldn’t be more thrilled that they were expecting, even this early on. 

“Oh this is so wonderful.” Laura couldn’t help but exclaim. “How far along are you?” Looking down she couldn’t see any evidence of a baby bump yet and if the ultrasound was recent, it was clear that it was still very early on but she needed to know exactly when they were expecting their first grandbaby.

“8 weeks.” Y/N replied. “So still very early but the doctor says everything looks good. We’re due mid-june.” Wiping her tears away, Laura couldn’t help but bounce. Next summer they would have a grandbaby to dote on and love. 

Hugging her daughter again, Laura moved to pull Cale into her arms kissing his head. “It’s so much better when it’s with the right person isn’t it?” She whispered to her son. 

“Yeah it is.” He agreed, smiling brightly. “It’s a completely different feeling. I can’t wait to be a dad to our little pumpkin.” 

“Pumpkin huh?” 

“Yeah. Just a little nickname.” The way Cale grinned suggested there was more to the story than that but that he wasn’t really willing to divulge it. Glancing over, Laura saw her husband hugging their future daughter wishing her congratulations. Then he came over and pat Cale on the back sharing a look with him about there being some things they needed to discuss later with this new news. 

That could wait though and with Y/N stirring soup that appeared done, Laura was reminded that it was now far past lunchtime and their food was likely well on its way to cold. 

As they sat down to eat, Cale looked at his girlfriend before looking back at them requesting that they keep the news of the pregnancy to themselves for now. It was still early, Y/N was in the first trimester and they weren’t ready to make any public announcements yet. Cale added that he was going to tell Taylor when they played in Boston in like 2.5 weeks so even that was off limits. Laura knew that that made sense and she would respect those wishes as hard as it may be to keep it a secret. 

“So this is why you’re really looking at buying a house huh?” Gary questioned as they wrapped up lunch causing Cale to shrug. 

“I mean yeah. A baby is only going to fit here for so long. They kind of need their own space. And a house would give us privacy and prevent neighbors from having to hear a crying infant. So it’s something we’re discussing.” 

Now knowing that it wasn’t going to just be the two of them for much longer, buying a house certainly made a little more sense and Laura and Gary both knew that they would make a choice that was right for them. 

+++

Gary’s POV

Having spent the day inside playing games since it was a little too cold outside and Cale didn’t want Y/N doing too much with how easily she got fatigued, his wife suggested that Cale and his dad go out for dinner and she and y/n would have some girl time there. 

With there being things he wanted to discuss with Cale now, Gary wasn’t about to turn that down. 

He certainly wasn’t about to pull any punches either. As soon as they got into the car, Gary dropped his first big question. 

“So…when are you going to put a ring on her finger?” 

“Before the baby comes. I just don’t have the details figured out yet.” The speed at which Cale had an answer told Gary that this was something Cale had been thinking about. “I don’t want her to think I’m proposing because of the baby. I mean she shouldn’t because us getting married has always been a when not an if but…I just don’t want there to be any doubt.” 

It made sense and Gary certainly couldn’t fault him for that. 

“So you’re ready to be a dad?” Gary transitioned. 

“Were you ready to be a dad when mom was pregnant with me? Like I know you were older and maybe a bit more established in your relationship and stuff but like caring for a baby were you ready? Because I’m not sure anyone ever really is, but I would do anything for that little clump of cells she’s growing into another human being, I know that.” 

It was a rare occasion that Cale was so certain of something but also spoke with such a fond, emotional tinge. If Gary had at all doubted his maturity in handling this he couldn’t any longer and he nodded. He may not have all the answers but at least he knew which ones he was lacking enough to address them. 

As Cale pulled into the restaurant parking lot Gary couldn’t help but throw one more comment at his son mostly in jest. 

“Just can’t believe in the span of a year you’ve gone through a scare and an actual pregnancy. And I thought I taught you sex ed.” 

Shrugging, Cale smirked and replied before climbing out of the car.

“Yeah I mean using condoms probably would have helped but with y/n it was inevitable anyway.” 

Maybe he should rethink that maturity thing after all…or at least go smack some sense into Taylor because one grandchild was more than enough for now. 

+++

As much as this had come as a shock, both Laura and Gary were certain of one thing, this baby was a blessing and they couldn’t wait to watch Cale and Y/N raise a baby of their own.

[imthepunchlord]

I think 3Below would’ve worked better as a stand-alone show tbh. It’s arguably the least involved of the three in the overall plot and could probably be cut without much issue. Some of the writing issues probably also could’ve been solved by the disconnect since they might’ve had more time to polish it out and not have to worry about making it consistent with the rest of Tales imo. It’s not necessarily bad, just kinda Frankensteined on to the rest of it.

Yeah, as being apart of Tales of Arcadia, it's awkward. Like, Trollhunters and Wizards go together, both tie into fantasy and you do have it established that Merlin a famous wizard made the amulet. Incorporating aliens is a curve ball.

Personally, I would've rather seen more fantasy races, to see what their relationship with trolls are and how are they living and hiding from humanity. Like, let's see some mermaids, elves, and dwarves. We got a little bit of dragons, I've love to see more of dragons and their culture (though them cat-winged-trolls was an interesting choice). But there's a lot of things they could've done that would've fit in more naturally, and because they're sticking to the fantasy setting, maybe those villains from Wizards could've been better built up. Like, I don't know about you guys, I don't know if there was a book or a comic I didn't know about that I was supposed to read, but I got blindsided by the villains in Wizards. They just literally showed up and I don't who or what they are, what is going on, and then Wizards jumped to time travel and I still couldn't tell you why they had to time travel and it's, I was so confused.

Anyway, back on topic.

It was very awkwardly included, and yeah, you could've easily cut it out and not miss out on much. There's the factor too that it brought in 2 new characters to follow in this familiar setting and it's like, man, there are other characters I like more and would rather follow more than these 2. They're not bad but there are other characters I just like more. I remember the first time we got the announcement for 3Below and Wizards and I was rooting for the idea that Trollhunters is Jim's story, 3Below would be Toby's, and Wizards would be Claire's. And all three would have a chance to be lead characters which I was excited for as I honestly like Toby and Claire more than Jim and see them have a chance to really shine.

It didn't happen though.

So yeah, 3 Below would've been better as it's own show and stand alone, I think it really hurt ToA to not only bring in aliens, but it hurt 3 Below be set in Arcadia. It's hard to get into it when there are familiar character you like a lot more than the new leads. The most fun I had in 3 Below were eps that focused more on the classmates and those were far and few. And it's not good when you want more of the background characters from Trollhunters than your new leads in 3 Below. So it should have been it's own show, maybe implied to be in the same setting but not directly tied to it, cause then it can't stand alone on it's own two feet and be it's own thing cause it has to tie into Trollhunters which got to be a chance to be it's own thing, and Wizards is going to fit naturally with Trollhunters with the establishment of wizards and humans able to use magic.

3 Below was awkwardly inserted and not given a chance to really stand on it's own.

[writingwithcolor]

Gingerbread man as golem

@yaronata asked:

I would like to write a character who is Jewish and uses a Golem. She's based on the D&D class of the artificer which looks magic but isn't, because they produce all their effects with inventions, like the "any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic" quote. Her story is that her very Jewish town was under attack from a terrible monster when she was little. Her Rabbis made a Golem to protect the town, and it succeeded but was torn to pieces in the process. She was fascinated by the Golem and as a kid didn't see a big difference between it's sentience and person's so was really thankful for its sacrifice like you would a person's sacrificing their life for you. They thought all the pieces had been devoured by the monster before it died, but she went looking and found the piece used to animate the Golem, which she, kinda misunderstanding called its "heart". She kept the piece and grew up to be an incredibly skilled cook, specialising as a baker in the town. I imagine she would make a lot of really good food for the Jewish holidays, or to break fasts on ones like Yom Kippur or Tish'abav. But she also made a town specific holiday to honour the Golem's sacrifice and the town still being alive, because I feel "we are not dead woo" is a big theme for Jewish holidays from my research, so it could fit, for which she invented ginger bread men to be the golem, and gave them little "hearts" of fruit or honey, and you're meant to eat them limb by limb like the beast did before eating the heart. This would be the inspiration for using the "heart" piece later to make her own giant gingerbread Golem to help her save the world.

These are my questions 1) would it be considered bad or disrespectful for someone who isn't a Rabbi to make a Golem, or is this method of taking an animating piece someone else made disrespectful? 2) Her journey will take her far from her town and her Jewish family and friends and she will likely travel with gentiles. Would it be disrespectful for a Golem to be used to protect a lot of gentiles and one Jew in the course of saving the world? I don't want to fall into the stereotype of someone putting all their effort into valuing and protecting very specifically the group that in real life is oppressive to them. 3) While she is not using magic and is actually mimicking its effects with technology she invents, is this drawing too close to the line of "magical Jew"? 4) I like to "play test" my characters in ttrpgs to really get a feel for them before I write. Would it be disrespectful to play a Jewish character when I am a gentile, and would it be disrespectful to play a Jewish character in a setting where there are demonstrably real gods other than the one of Judaism?

I really like this character idea and I think it's cute and fun and rooted in Jewish culture but I really want to make sure it's respectful and as good as I, a gentile researching on the internet, thinks it is. Thanks so much! Have a nice day!

My answer to this is very complicated because there are things I both like and do not like about this premise. First of all, I love the idea of a cookie golem, and I'm even imagining the magic word that brings him to life (EMET/truth) would be written in icing. And I'm okay with the part about how she found a piece of the old golem and used it to build a new golem, because that makes sense for a golem made from a baked good when you think about how people use sourdough starter to make a new batch of sourdough.

However, here are the thing that make me cock my head to the side like my little sister's German shepherd:

1. re: "magical Jew" - that's not a trope I've ever heard of. Remember, marginalized groups don't receive identical disrespect across the board. It is indeed a trope to use Black people or disabled people as supernatural plot devices who exist only to further the stories of white main characters or able-bodied main characters. But I can't say as I've ever seen anyone using Jewishness that way. Usually if we are someone's one-dimensional plot device it's as someone's lawyer, fixer, "money guy", etc, not a supernatural force. So this isn't something you have to worry about.

2. I have a certain level of discomfort with you playing as a Jewish character just because playacting as a marginalized culture you're not part of strikes me as off, but I understand that that's how you gain insight into a character you're about to write so it's more of a writing exercise than anything else. (I wonder if D&D regulars from marginalized groups have written about this -- I've only played a few times casually with family so if I did run into this type of discussion in my social justice reading I wouldn't have absorbed it. If anyone is curious I played first as Captain Werewolf, and then switched to playing as Cinnamon Blade because lawful good was too hard. :P )

3. I would prefer you omit the detail about eating the cookies piece by piece symbolically, for two reasons: a. it unintentionally evokes Communion by having appreciative people consume a baked good symbolic of an entity who sacrificed his life for theirs, and b. focusing on the details of flesh consumption reminds me too much of Blood Libel (yes, a gingerbread man is in the shape of a person but how many of us actually think about it literally, the way this act would cause?)

As to your first question: I'm fine with her making a golem even though she's just a rando. Second question: I see what you're saying and maybe it could be more okay if it's really clear how well these gentile folks are treating her? And questions three and four are answered above.

I really do love the idea of a giant gingerbread man golem. Cookie golem T_T <3

--Shira

I would like to second Shira’s point about not ripping apart the gingerbread cookies. I honestly would prefer they were used as decoration, and other cookies eaten instead, since that part just feels so not-Jewish to me, but I don’t have golem-specific issues other than that. It seems like you have already been doing a lot of research, which is appreciated.

As far as the ttrpg/DnD aspect… I bounce back and forth on the topic of playing characters that are so very different from our experiences, other than in fantasy-related ways. However, I am aware that a lot of people will play with, and experiment with gender in game, and learn something about themselves in the process (the number of trans players of ttrpgs who tried out their gender in game before they were out is high). It’s different with Judaism, and even more significantly different when it comes to things you can’t convert into, like various actual, real-world races. But because people do sometimes experience growth from experiences like this, I’m hesitant to dissuade players completely. I do urge you to, at a minimum, bring the same care, research, and willingness to learn, that you brought to this question.

--Dierdra

This sounds like a creative storyline that you could have lots of fun with 😊

At first I was confused by this part:

She also made a town specific holiday to honour the Golem's sacrifice

But then you really got me thinking about different types of Jewish holidays and how they come about, so thank you for that!

Because it’s often the little details that either make a story super powerful or kind of nonsensical, I think it would be a good idea to decide what type of holiday is being created here:

A full-blown chag with restrictions on labour and halachic obligations? These are commanded in Torah and new ones can’t be added.

A minor yom tov with halachic obligations but no restrictions? These were instituted by the rabbis prior to the destruction of the Temple, so again new ones can’t be added.

A public holiday or equivalent? This would usually be declared by the Knesset in Israel, and filter to the rest of the Jewish world from there.

A community-based yom tov with specific customs only for people in the know, such as certain Chasidic groups celebrating the birthdays of their deceased leaders? I asked around, but no one can really tell me how these holidays get started, which is probably a good indication that they arise quite organically from a group of people who all just feel that it should be celebrated. Probably not created by a single person, as such.

Something she runs from her bakery, not religion-based, but more like a day of doing special products and deals the way many small businesses do on their anniversary?

Now, if the people of a modern-day town were actually saved by a real live Golem, that would arguably be the most overt miracle for many generations, so there would be a decent chance of options 3 and/or 4 happening. It’s entirely plausible that there could be special foods for this day that become a tradition, including Golem cookies. People who directly benefited might also return to the site where the Golem fought the monster and recite the prayer, ‘Blessed is Hashem, Master of the Universe, Who performed a miracle for me in this place.’

Alternatively, if it’s important that your MC created the holiday, something like option 5 might be the best. Hopefully this will still fulfil what you need: you describe her as incredibly skilled, so I can imagine the day when she goes all out on the Golem cookies being one of the most exciting events of the year for the townspeople, just because her baking is that good. Plus, they already have a personal stake in the Golem’s sacrifice, so I definitely think it could be a thing without being an official holiday. Also, if she is outside of an all-Jewish environment, don’t forget that she would have to decide whether to commemorate the anniversary in the Hebrew calendar or the local one.

Coming back to the cookies, sorry if we’re getting a little repetitive on this point! But I don’t see the cookies being torn limb from limb as part of a celebration. First of all, this doesn’t sound like a very celebratory thing to do, to say the least. Can you imagine explaining that to a three-year-old on their first Yom HaGolem? They would be terrified! (I don’t read this suggestion as accidental anti-Semitism so much as getting carried away with a metaphor, which I’m sure as writers we have all done!)

But also, it’s worth pointing out that our commemorative foods aren’t usually that literal. If you think about hamantaschen, maror, or apple in honey, they’re all symbols. That’s not to say that having Golem-shaped cookies is a problem, as this sounds like just a bit of fun that the MC is having and not something that is directly at odds with Judaism or Jewish culture. But it’s worth bearing in mind that the more literal you go from there in terms of tying the cookies to the event they commemorate, the less culturally aligned your holiday food becomes.

Finally, about the Golem protecting non-Jewish people: I like this idea! There’s a stereotype that we only use whatever is at our disposal to help ourselves and other Jewish people, so a Golem being created by Jews but helping others as well is a big plus for me. Of course, as has already been pointed out, this would be an odd choice if her Saving The World team were anti-Semitic or otherwise disrespectful to her/her community, but I don’t think you were headed that way!

-Shoshi

I have to come back in here just to squee over the phrase “Yom HaGolem.” Well done :D

--Shira

[scandalsavagefanfic]

Hello! I am a huge fan of ur writing. I've loved everything I've read of yours. I've read alot of what you've posted, except for a couple of the tags that are squicky for me (so I'm very thankful you tag very thoroughly). No judgement for the squick, it's just not for me. & when I'm having a bad day, I usually just go thru ur ao3 and find something to reread. I think about Therapy's Bruce & Jason every damn day. While I obvs appreciate ur darker more "problematic" content (I really vibe with some of the themes you write about bc of my own trauma, & so it's very cathartic to read about in a fictional setting), I am truly a sucker for ur more happy content. The Happily Ever After verse also lives in my head rent free. Idk more wholesome stuff just seems more special when you write it. Anyways. I would die for you. But the point of this ask is cause I'm curious as to why you don't like Urban Legends? I'm sorry if you already talked about it here or on twitter and I missed it. I was just wondering because I really enjoy your take on things and would love to hear why you dislike it. I've been enjoying it so far personally, but I am always open to DC comics criticism.

Aw thank you so much! I'm so flattered by everything you just said. You're so sweet ❤❤❤❤❤

I haven't talked about Urban Legends here or twitter (I haven't been very active in either place lately. Just a lot going on and no energy 😔) but I'm happy to do it here.

Before I start though, I just want to add a standard disclaimer and make it clear that if you like it, there's nothing wrong with that and you don't have to let me ruin it for you lol. Like what you like.

That said, since you asked...

I said this when I was talking about it on discord, that there is a difference between hope and expectation. I always hope that a new story centered on Jason (or anyone really, but things have been especially egregious for Jay for 15 years) will be good or at least treat the character with a minimal level of respect (to be honest, the bar is super fucking low). But my expectations always temper my hope, to keep it from getting unrealistic. Because my expectations are based on experience.

The long history of Jason Todd, since even before his resurrection, has been one of retroactively trying to make him "a bad seed" in order to absolve Bruce of any responsibility in his death.

I don't even expect DC or their writers to start honoring the fact that Jason was not an angry, reckless Robin (and less of the later than Dick or Tim and definitely Damian). There plenty of ways that retcon can be folded into his history and be compelling and sympathetic. And if they're going to stick with that retcon, I'm only asking that they do it in one of those compelling and sympathetic ways because Jason was 15 when he died, heroically, in one of the most selfless acts in comics, to save a woman who literally handed him over to be brutally murdered. He was 12 when Bruce plucked him off the streets, he'd been homeless and fending for himself for at least two years. I personally think that Jason's story hits harder for him and Bruce if their original, canon relationship, of Jason as starry-eyed and eager to learn and absolutely devoted to Bruce and Bruce to Jason, is preserved. But Jason's origins does leave room for a meaningful interpretation of him as angry and frustrated at the lack of meaningful results of Bruce's methods.

And that's really where my irritation at stories like Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer and Batman The Adventure Continues has it's roots.

Every time one of these stories comes out, I think (or hope, rather) that this will be the one that remembers and respects the origins of the Jason and the Red Hood, that takes into account the changed sensibilities of comics readers in the 30 years since Jason's death and the subtle, 20 year, retroactive campaign to make him the "bad Robin". The "born bad" trope is played out and literally no one likes the message it implies. That some kids are just bad eggs and there's nothing parents or the adults around them can do. Especially when it's played as the kid's fault. If Jason's time as Robin is going to be characterized by anger, then it should be rooted in anger at the social injustices he witnessed as he grew up in an impoverished, crime-ridden, area and the horrors he faced raising himself when every day was a battle for survival. There are topical, meaningful, stories to tell with that backdrop.

But those are never the stories we get.

⚠⚠ Spoilers for Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer ⚠⚠

I'm particularly disappointed in Urban Legends because for the first issue, it looked like that was the kind of story we were going to get. I was put off by the first flashback of Jason being mesmerized by Bruce's guns, and I got that feeling in my gut that it was a bad sign. Jason depicted as impatient and overconfident and the scene with the guns is heavy-handed foreshadowing that got my spidey-sense tingling. I had a inkling then (in the first three pages) of how this story was going to play out, but it was early and I could still see many narrative paths that could lead to a satisfying story. My concerns were soothed somewhat and the little flame of my hope fanned, with the flashback of Alfred scolding Bruce, with Barbara's concern for Jason. A bit of worry returned with the way Jason ruthlessly pursued an addict who didn't appear to be a dealer and with the ending of the issue. The stuff with the addict sat wrong with me but the ending was tempered some by how despicable Tyler's dad was written. The scene was clearly set so that the reader could sympathize with Jason's decision and the scene with the addict could be brushed aside as a side-effect of comics over-the-top need for constant action, so I still held hope.

Issue 2 made me uncomfortable and it's where my hope starts to take a backseat to my expectations. I can dismiss Jason's self-deprecating internal monologue as unreliable narration, except that the flashback reinforces his thought process to explicitly show that it's not unreliable narration, and should be taken at face value. Jason faces physical abuse at the hands of his mother's drug dealer and when the flashback continues later, Jason kills the drug dealer. To be clear, this is a pre-Bruce Jason. His mom is still alive. He's like... 10. He kills this guy for shoving his head into a wall and implying Jason's mother paid for her drugs with sex. This is a scene that serves a single purpose. To show that Jason has always been prone to violence.

In the spirit of full disclosure, there is the small chance the drug dealer might not be dead. But the story obviously wants the reader to think he is, and it hasn't done anything to change that yet.

Starlin already did this story with The Diplomat’s Son in 1988 and he did it infinitely better. AND that’s still technically canon. So now I’m supposed to believe that Jason lost his cool bad enough to kill two douche bags before his sweet 16? Like it’s totally normal for abused kids raised in poverty, who’ve led hard and heartbreaking lives to just... haul off and kill people? That’s bullshit, and when taken with the Jason in the third issue, who is little more than an idiot thug, this story is really doubling down on some fucked up stereotypes.

Which brings us to the most recent issue. I went into this installment with very low expectations. I thought this story was going to be about Jason, through this experience with Tyler, a young boy with a similar background to Jason's, coming to the realization that Bruce's way is the best way and that Bruce did his best by Jason.

That would be annoying (in no small part because it takes increasingly absurd levels of plot armor to keep Bruce's no kill rule relevant, let alone irrefutably right). But I can probably live with that, if only because maybe if Jason officially falls back into line with the Bats crusade, maybe I'll get stories that treat him with respect, stories that don't relegate him to comic relief, dumb brute, or a background body with no lines in a story about the Joker burning Gotham (like Jason would just fucking stand there quietly for that).

And that may still be where the story is going, Jason realizing Bruce is right.

But holy shit do I not have the right words to describe how fucking insulting and gross issue three is.

From start to finish--including the flashback--Jason is written as cruel and fucking stupid. Like straight up dumb.

The entire issue is Bruce explaining the fucking basics to Jason like it's his first day. And Jason flies off the fucking handle and terrorizes a doctor he knows isn't a part of making the Cheerdrops, beats the shit out of some random addicts, and finally, when he can't accomplish anything on his own because he's a dumb brute he calls Barbara for help and rushes in with no information where he's promptly incapacitated and must now wait to be rescued by Batman.

This panel is the least of the issues sins but I can’t screenshot the entire story but it’s representative of the tone for the whole issue (and retroactively tainted the prior two issues).

This is beyond insulting. The only conclusions Jason comes to in this issue are the ones Bruce leads him to by talking to him like he can’t make the simplest connections. And like... in this story Jason can’t make the simplest connections.

This (and the Jason throughout the entirety of this issue) is a far cry from the Jason we fell in love with in Under the Red Hood, who was competent and strategic and intelligent enough to seize control of Gotham’s underworld from Black Mask (who’s no fucking slouch, he’s the first and only person to unify organized crime in Gotham) AND elude and manipulate Bruce until the time and place of his choosing.

This is a far cry from even the Red Hood and the Outlaws Jason who is competent enough to fight the League of Shadows and Ra’s al Ghul (among very dangerous and skilled others) and smart enough to create antidotes for mind control nanotech viruses.

As he should be, by the way. Jason Todd is one of the best, most comprehensively trained fighters in DC’s stable of non powered vigilantes. He’s not irrational or hot headed. He’s pragmatic, tactically minded, and patient. He’s a detective. Right now. Has been since he was 12. Bruce doesn’t have to make him one because he already is. 

Jason is not a stupid thug who uses his fists because his brain doesn’t work. And I can’t tell you how so very exhausted I am by this narrative. 

This is actually the most egregious example of Jason’s skills and intelligence being not just undermined but dismissed entirely. Even Morrison’s Jason had some degree of competency. 

The one, single redeeming factor of this story is the art. It’s beautiful. And Marcus To is a godsend he seems to be one of only a couple of artists who remember that Jason was a child when he was Robin and I’m literally only buying this book because of him. 

Anyway, I’m sorry. I didn’t want that to come out so... um... passionately lol. I’m just very very tired. My intention with this isn’t to ruin it for you, if you like it, that’s fine. 

But this issue shot this story to the top of my "Vehemently Despise” list. 1) Batman: Urban Legends (Cheer), 2) Battle for the Cowl/Morrison’s Batman and Robin, 3) Batman The Adventure Continues.

I hope the next issues somehow salvage this dumpster fire. But I’m not expecting it.

(Damnit. That sounded harsh again. To reiterate, I’m not trying to judge anyone who enjoys it, I just personally hate it and you asked me why lol 😅)

[arvandus]

26.   “Is it wrong that I want to kiss you?” with the bird man hawks? 🥺

This one was so much fun to write! It's nothing but pure, cute fluff and was a breath of fresh air for me after writing a lot of heavy stuff lately. This one does involve the topic of drinking, but it's handled responsibly and is more the... aftermath of said drinking. But if that's a sensitive topic for you, send me a message and I can do a different plot with the same prompt. :)

Word Count: 2350 Warnings: Fluff, one drunk birb

26.“Is it wrong that I want to kiss you?

“Wow.... that was.... a great party.” Keigo slurred as you helped him out of your car, feathers and all. He stumbled against you, and you braced yourself as his wings flapped clumsily in an attempt to regain his balance. Good thing you didn’t let him fly home...

“Yeah.” you replied as his feathers tickled against your cheek.

“There were so many people!” His arm was propped around your shoulder now, and you tried not to groan under his weight.

“Yup.” You agreed again.

“And everyone was so nice...” he smiled drunkenly, his eyes glassy and unfocused.

You rolled your eyes in amusement. “I know.”

You began walking him up the small set of stairs to the foyer of his luxury apartment complex, his eyes deeply focused on the steps beneath his feet. Thank God the place had an elevator; after all, Hawk’s penthouse was on the top floor. Twenty stories up.

Once you’d gotten him into the elevator, he leaned against the wall, his head tilted back against the cold glass, eyes staring up. “And that punch was so good...”

“Yup, you drank a lot of it.” You teased as you pressed the button for his floor.

He lifted his head to grin at you with flushed cheeks. “I kinda want more.”

You pinned him with a look. “No.”

Keigo chuckled and leaned his head back again. He looked like he was about to fall asleep standing up when the elevator finally dinged its destination and the doors opened.

“Come on, you...” you reached your hand out to him, and Keigo stood for a moment before stumbling slightly. A giggle erupted from his lips.

“Oop, dizzy...” he laughed.

You grabbed his arm and put it back around your shoulder. “I got ya.”

You helped lead him out of the elevator and into his penthouse, which he’d given you the key to before you’d even let him get into your car earlier. As you were unlocking his door, his put a hand to his head and chuckled.

“...Man, I’m really drunk, aren’t I?” he mumbled.

“Yyyyup.” You grinned.

You got Keigo inside and sat him down on the couch so you could close and lock the door behind you.

Keigo began tipping over onto the couch cushions. “I’m just gonna.... lie down...”

You rushed over to him and grabbed onto his arm. “Oh no you don’t. C’mon, let’s get you into bed.”

“But everything’s spinning...” he complained.

“Your wings are gonna make you fall on your face as soon as you’re asleep.” You chided.

You pulled him up by his bicep before shifting your hold to his hand. It was warm, his fingers wrapping around your palm comfortably. Your tummy did a little flip at the contact, but you did your best to ignore it as you began leading him to his room.

“Sorry ya gotta take care of me...” Keigo mumbled.

You glanced back at him to see his eyes slightly downcast in shame.

You paused and turned to face him. “Don’t worry about it. I just wanted to make sure you got home okay. I wouldn’t be a good friend if I didn’t.” Keigo kept his eyes down, so you cupped his cheek in your hand to have him look at you. “Besides,” you smiled, “it’s not like this happens all the time.”

Keigo stared at you, golden eyes wide in wonder. “...You’re really nice.” He said.

You grinned. “I know. Only to you though.”

Keigo stared at you for a moment longer before his vision unfocused again. “I gotta pee.”

You choked back a laugh at his candidness. “Okay. Let’s get you to your room. You have a bathroom there, remember?”

Once you got him into his room and helped him stumble into his bathroom, you quickly went over and began prepping his messy bed for him, making sure the covers were pulled down for him to get into. Keigo came out a moment later and managed to make his way over to his bed before sitting down on the edge of his mattress.

“Wow, look at you, walking by yourself!” you teased.

“Ha, ha.” He replied sarcastically.

“Alright, jacket off... wait. How the heck do you do this with your wings??” you demanded, confusion written across your face.

“There’s hidden zippers beneath the wings.”

“Ohhhh....” You found them once you knew what you were looking for; it was well-hidden in the fabric. You sat behind Keigo on the bed so you could undo the zippers. Once that was done, you began to tug his jacket off his arms. It was awkward and clumsy, and it caused you and Keigo to giggle at each other as you held onto the end of his sleeve and he struggled to pull his arm out.

The giggling settled down once the item was removed, and you draped it over the edge of his laundry basket. Keigo watched you silently as the alcohol swam warmly in his veins. Or maybe it was something else... something that seemed to grow in intensity the longer he looked at you.

You turned to face him and immediately the words that had been swimming in his inebriated head found their way to his lips. “You’re... really attractive.”

You stood there, dumbfounded for a long moment, before you brushed off his compliment. “And you’re really drunk.”

“No, I mean it. You’re fucking stunning.”

Every inch of your body felt hot with embarrassment. “Okay, Romeo. Let’s get those boots off...” You broke your gaze with him and kneeled down in front of him.

As you helped him undo the laces of his boots, he watched you with a hammering heart. You were being so nice to him, tending to him like this. You’d been friends for some time, and he trusted you implicitly by this point... but this level of care was new for both of you. It brought forth new feelings that his dizzy mind struggled to wrap around, and he wasn’t quite sure what to do with them. But the longer he watched you, the more he wanted to pull you close and...

“...Is it wrong that I want to kiss you?” The words spilled from his lips, and somewhere behind the cloudy haze something screamed in panic. Did he really just say that out loud?

You had just pulled his last boot off his foot, and stared at him in shock, your mouth slightly open. Did he really just...? You stared into his eyes as you felt your heart flutter in your chest like a caged bird begging to be set free. God, it was tempting, wasn’t it? You were already so close to each other. Close enough to see the sunset gold of his eyes, close enough to stare at his slightly parted lips framed in stubble... He began to lean towards you as your eyes locked, and for the briefest of moments you froze, your body rooted in hope. But the scent of the alcohol still on his breath quickly brought you back to your senses, and you put your hand over his face.

“Knock it off, you flirt.” You pushed him back with your hand until he fell back into his bed.

You began to help him get his legs under his covers.

“I’m not a flirt!” he protested indignantly. “Why does everyone think I’m a flirt??”

“Because you flirt with everyone.”

You began pulling the covers up over him.

“Well now you’re just makin’ shit up.” He grumbled. You pinned him with a knowing look, and he fumbled for new words. “I’m nice to people. It’s different.”

You rolled your eyes at him and stood up. “I’ll be right back, I’m gonna go get you some water and pills, okay?”

Keigo sulked beneath his blankets as you walked away. When you came back, he was quietly staring at the wall, his face pulled into a pout.

“I wasn’t flirting...” he mumbled. “I really meant it.”

You froze yet again before pulling yourself together. You set the water and headache medicine on his nightstand as his eyes followed your actions.

“You should really get some sleep.” You said.

“I guess...” he mumbled.

You began to leave his room, but something made you pause in his doorway, your hand on the doorframe. You looked back at him, to see him still sulking, his eyes avoiding yours. Was he actually hurt...?

Maybe it wasn’t just the alcohol talking.

“I’m gonna go now. But... um....” – you nibbled on your lip briefly – “if you remember this conversation tomorrow, and you still feel that way, then... we can talk. Y’know, if you want.”

Sleep was already starting to descend on Keigo, his eyes half-closed, but he perked up slightly. “...really?”

You smiled and gave a small nod. “Good night, Keigo.”

The next day, you kept yourself busy as you tried to keep your mind off of the previous night’s exchange. But it didn’t help very much... nothing was powerful enough to keep you from glancing at the time every twenty minutes or so, wondering if or when Keigo would wake up. By mid-afternoon you were just about to give up and chalk the entire event up to the brainwashing effect of alcohol, when your phone rang.

You nearly leapt at your phone, and your breath froze in your lungs as you stared at the name.

Keigo. He was calling you. That was already unusual for him... Usually, he preferred to text.

You took a deep breath to calm your quaking nerves before answering.

“Hey there.” You said.

“Hey.” He replied.

There was a slight pause before you asked your next question. “Sooo... how you feeling?”

Keigo’s laugh bubbled from the other end. “Not my best, but I’d be feeling a lot worse if it weren’t for you...”

You chuckled. “We’ll just add it to the list of reasons why I’m the superior friend.”

Your jab made Keigo laugh again, and he hummed with amusement. “Don’t get ahead of yourself there, little dove. I still remember that one New Year’s party...”

You scoffed at him in mock offense. “Low blow. You said you wouldn’t bring that up...”

Keigo laughed at your defensiveness, and you couldn’t help but laugh with him.

“Anyway,” Keigo continued, “I called to say thanks. Y’know... for all your help last night.”

You cleared your throat slightly against the tightness that you felt. “Yeah, sure. You know I’ll always be there for you.”

Keigo’s voice came through soft and serious, his usual mirth absent. “Yeah... I know....”

A long awkward silence lingered, and you began to feel dizzy before you realized you were holding your breath. You took a quiet inhale of air.

“Okay, well I guess I’ll let you...” you started.

“Wait.” He said hurriedly. “Um, there was one more thing...”

“...Yeah?”

“About last night...” – there was another pause as he gathered his words – “I wanted to apologize if I made you... uncomfortable at all.”

Disappointment began to fill the space that hope was holding. “Oh,” you were glad Keigo couldn’t see the defeat in your eyes as you let out a small laugh. “Don’t worry about it, Keigo. I knew you were drunk.”

There was another pause before he spoke again, his words carefully chosen. “I was, but... I also meant it.”

Your heart skipped a beat, and you could have sworn you’d heard wrong. “...What?”

“Do you want to meet up for coffee?” he asked.

Coffee... coffee was normal for you two, right? You two always met up for coffee. Even so, you couldn’t help the next question that rushed clumsily from your mouth.

“You mean... like... as friends? Or...?”

He gave a soft chuckle that made your nerves sing, even through the phone. “Like a date.”

You did a silent happy dance in your living room, your fist pumping the air in jubilant victory before you answered him, your voice forced into calmness. “Ahem, yeah. Yeah, I’d like that a lot.”

“... Did you just do your happy dance?” he teased.

“What?! No! Why would you say that??”

“Oh my God, you totally did, didn’t you? You’re so cute.”

You gave an appalled gasp. “Are you spying on me??” You began looking out your window to check the rooftops. They were empty, though.

“What? No, I’m not a creep!”

“Then how did you know?” you whined.

“Because your voice changes after you do a happy dance.”

“No it doesn’t!”

“Oh, it totally does.” He gloated. “It’s gets a little squeakier.”

“My voice does not squeak!”

“Like a little bird.”

“Oh, I hate you.”

“Hm, I’m pretty sure you don’t.” You could visualize the cocky grin on his face.

You huffed. “Just for that, you owe me dinner.”

“Name the time and place, little dove.”

Your face spread into a big smile, your skin feeling hot. “Okay... My place at 6.”

“Whoa, hang on a sec, I’m not gonna have you cook for me on our first date.”

“Who said I was cooking? You’re bringing dinner.”

Keigo chuckled again. “Fair enough. But then I’m gonna take you out on a real date.”

“Fair enough.” You echoed back.

There was a slight pause, neither one of you wanting to hang up on the other.

“6 o’ clock is so far away...” You finally complained.

“It really is, isn’t it?” Keigo agreed.

You bit your lip with a grin. “You could always come over now...”

“I could, couldn’t I?” Keigo mused.

“You still gotta bring food, though.”

“Any special requests?”

You cocked your head to the side thoughtfully. “Surprise me. You know what I like.”

“Yes... yes I do.” He replied.

His comment made a new wave of heat wash over you. “Cheeky bird.” You grumbled.

Keigo gave a laugh. “Alright I’m gonna head over.”

“Okay.”

“One more thing...” he said, before you could hang up. The playfulness dropped from his voice, and his next words came through softly. “I’m glad you helped me out last night.”

Your heart flipped and you smiled. “Me too.”

“I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay.”

Once you hung up, you did yet another happy dance.

[nat-20s]

Part 5 of Wonderful! Au. *boyband voice* banter’s back alright!

Also on AO3

~*~

Jon: Hello everyone, and welcome back to our regular format. If my husband being horribly soppy-

Martin:-hey!-

Jon: -turned you off the how, this should be a refreshing return to formula, though I can’t guarantee there won’t be further horrible soppiness-

Martin, performatively under his breath: -most people thought it was charming-

Jon: -as that tends to happen when one is recording with the love of their life. If last week’s episode is the only one that you like, too bad, I’m back in full form, and should be at least through the rest of the season.

Martin: This show doesn’t have seasons? Due to the whole lack of a narrative thing?

Jon: I was referring to spring.

Martin: Oh, right.

[A beat passes.]

Martin, flatly: Oh. Great goof hon.

Jon, smug: Thank you.

Jon, sincere: Also, before we get properly started, I did want to actually thank everyone who sent well wishes.

M artin: Yes! We got positively inundated with lovely messages, it definitely brightened both of our days. I would even say it was wonderful.

[Jon groans.]

Jon: I am..not proud of the energy we’ve created for this episode so far, and we haven’t even hit the small wonders. Speaking of, do you have a small wonder this week?

Martin: Mine’s bad action movies.

Jon: Really? I had no idea you even liked them, let alone consider them wonderful.

Martin: Okay, so, saying I like them is a bit of a misnomer? It’s more that I like what they can do more than the movies themselves?

Jon: Elaborate?

Martin: It probably comes as a surprise to no one that I’ve tried my hand at a fair amount of mindfulness and mediation techniques. I’ve found poetry and journaling have been helpful for actually processing life events and whatnot, but when it comes to giving your brain a hard wipe and reset, nothing is half as quick and effective as a shitty shoot-em-up. Somethings about 2 hours of cartoonish, pg-13 violence held together with the absolute loosest of plots brings me to a state of mental blankness that would make a monk jealous.

Jon: How have I never witnessed you doing this? When are you sneaking off to go see Micheal Tarantino or who ever films?

M artin: That’s definitely not the right name.

Jon: Martin, dear, I don’t care. And you’re dodging the question.

Martin, fond: I’m not dodging anything. Since apparently we’re getting into it, you haven’t caught me cavorting with a movie involving more explosions than character development lately because I haven’t been. Haven’t needed it, in recent years. Turns out when you’re not crushingly lonely and working a literal nightmare of job, there’s less of a drive to try and escape your own thoughts. Shocker, I know. Still, to anyone out there that feels like their brain is on fire, go try watching a fast and furious. Any of ‘em, it doesn’t matter. Or even better, Chronicles of Riddick. I can’t remember a single goddamn detail of that movie, which makes it perfect for what I’m talking about.

Jon: I have the strong feeling that th is is a “mileage may vary” scenario.

Martin: Well, yeah, that’s this whole podcast. Plus, I imagine that movies like this would cause more stress to someone who cares about, say, world-building or rules consistency.

Jon: I wonder who you could possibly be referring to.

Martin: It’s a purely hypothetical person, love, don’t worry about it. Any small wonders?

Jon: Yes! Particularly relevant to the last week, my small wonder is stripping the sheets from your bed when it’s been too long between washes.

Martin: How very specific. M ost people would just say ‘clean sheets’.

Jon: Well, for one, I’m fairly certain that we’ve already covered clean sheets-

Martin: Shit, have we? Thank god other people keep track of this, otherwise this show would be unbearably repetitive.

Jon: Christ, yes. I typically check the website a good three times while prepping, and every about one out of those three times I find I’m trying to do an topic we did 30 episodes again. Anyway, um, it’s just nice, I think. When you’ve been too busy or sick or away for awhile, tossing the sheets in the wash makes a room instantly seem nicer. Of all the chores out there, this one, at least for me, has the highest reward to effort ratio.

Martin: Hard agree. Especially when the y have that slight funk of having been around to long, getting rid of that is such a relief. Speaking of, we need to change our sheets soon.

Jon: We can do it after the episode. Who goes first this week?

Martin: Considering last week was only me talking, I’m gonna say it’s you.

Jon: Alright, then. My first thing this week is Martin K. Blackwood.

Martin: Absolutely not!

Jon: Oh, you can do a whole episode on me, but I can’t do one little segment on my husband, whom I love very dearly?

Martin: Not while I’m sat here, no!

Jon: So you’re saying you don’t want me to tell the internet that your resolve to be kind even in the face of indescribable cruelty is one of the mot breathtaking things I’ve ever witnessed, or how I find it incredibly endearing when you get so emotional that your voice comes out as a squeak, or even that, on a more base level, you’re very physically attractive, and I could lose entire days thinking about your arms alone?

Martin, audibly blushing, voice the aforementioned squeak: Oh my god, Jon!

Jon, laughing: Then it’s probably for the best that my actual first thing is best friends.

Martin, peaking the audio levels: Oh you absolute bastard! Do you enjoy this? Do you get some sort of perverse sense of entertainment from riling me up?

Jon: Oh, don’t you start. As if you’re not as bad as I am. Maybe even worse.

Martin: That’s not…

Jon: Yes?

Martin: Okay. Maybe it’s slightly true. Really, what is romance for if not flustering your partner with compliments?

Jon, teasing: I certainly can’t think of anything.

Martin: Hush, you.

Jon: No, I don’t think I will.

Martin: Fine. I suppose you can tell our delightful audience about the power of friendship or whatever.

Jon: I would’ve assumed more enthusiasm, considering this segment is still, indirectly, about you.

Martin: In what way?

Jon: In the way that, to the shock of all, you’re my best friend.

Martin, pleased: Oh, is that what I am?

Jon, exasperated: Yes, dearest husband, I wouldn’t have married you otherwise. Though, upon reflection, I knew you were my best friend before I knew I held romantic feelings for you.

Martin: When was that?

Jon, letting out a breath that vibrates his lips: God it was...2016? I think it might’ve literally been the day after you told me about your CV.

Martin: That early? Huh. I wonder if that’s what people were picking up when they said they we were close.

Jon: What people?

Martin: I don’t know specifically, that’s just what Daisy told me.

Jon: Daisy? When the hell-?

Martin: It...was when she was interrogating me? And, because sometimes I have to be a parody of myself, pretty much my only take away from that interrogation was “people think me and Jon are close”.

Jon: Well then. It’s not like they were wrong.

Martin, smug: No, no they weren’t.

Martin, sincere: And you’re my best friend, too.

Jon: I was certainly hoping that you’re in this relationship for more than my good looks and incredible fortune, both in the monetary and luck sense.

Martin: You say that as if you aren’t good looking, which we all know is patently untrue.

Jon: You’re biased. You’d say I was good looking if I were nothing more than some primordial ooze with thoughts about its station.

Martin: I’m being completely objective. If you were primordial ooze with thoughts above its station, you’d be the cutest ooze of them all. That’s just scientific fact.

Jon: I’m starting to think we might be insufferable.

Martin: Starting to? Might be?

Jon:…

[Jon clears his throat]

Jon: What I find wonderful about the concept of best friends is, to me, they’re the closest thing real life has to soulmates. I don’t personally believe that there’s some..grand mystic force that drives people to be tied together in the manner that narrative typical soulmates are, and if there was I don’t think it would necessarily be the kind of emotional, heartfelt bond one would hope for, but I do believe that there’s individuals that get to know one another, and because of that knowledge, they chose to stick with one another. It doesn’t have to be a romantic, which is why I say best friend rather than specifically ‘spouse’, but I would argue that the basis of a strong romance like you and I have, is very much rooted in that connection. A true best friendship is an equal partnership, and there’s a sense of..matched sensibilities and understanding that can be utterly incandescent when it happens.

I also think that having one or more best friends makes living life on a day to day basis both better and just flat easier. The dark times aren’t as dark, and the bright times shine even more. I know from my own personal experience there are events that I..that I don’t know how I would’ve made it through without you. Hell, last week my..recovery period would’ve taken much longer if you hadn’t been there.

It’s an amazing thing to have someone to share things with, both triumphs and burdens. Um, also, according to Dictionary.com, the term best friends in English has been around since the 1200s. Something about that delights me, like, yes, we’ve had this casual way of referring to a Favorite Person for roughly 800 years. That makes it a hold-out from early Middle English. I dunno, it’s one of those things that make me feel overall very charmed by humanity.

Martin, audibly smiling: No, yeah, hard agree.

Jon: What’s that look for?

Martin: Nothing. Just. I love you a whole lot, you know that?

Jon, voice soft: I may have heard you say that once or twice. Per hour.

Martin: Only that often? I really need to be more diligent about that.

[There’s a bet of silence, presumably where they’re making doe eyes at each other.]

Jon: What’s your first thing?

Martin: Oh, um, right. Rats!

Jon: The expression or the animal?

Martin: Jon, have you ever once heard me say “rats” as an expression? Obviously I’m referring to the animal.

Jon: Ah. Should’ve known, considering that what, a third?, of all your segments have been on animals.

Martin: Yeah? And? You got a problem with critters? With creatures? With lil guys?

Jon, laughing: No, no, it’s very sweet. I’m just surprised you never became a vet.

Martin: Oh believe me, I wanted to. But then I learned that it was not, in fact, a job composed entirely of getting paid to play with other people’s pets.

Jon: You had that job, though, didn’t you? I thought I remembered you mentioning a month long stint at a doggie day care.

Martin, sighing dreamily: Best job I ever had. Too bad that place was shut down after it was revealed to be a money laundering front.

Jon: Good lord.

Jon: Martin did you...did you know it was a money laundering front at the time?

Martin:

Martin: Would it make you feel better if I said no?

Jon: Martin!

Martin: I figured it out like a week in, but, like, who cares? The pay was decent and the floor was super easy to clean, which is very much a plus for even a front of a doggie day care.

Jon: That’s...rather a lot. How about instead of getting into that any further, you tell me about rodents.

Martin: I would love to. But first, we have a shoutout!

Jon: Ooo, a shoutout. Does it specify who should read?

Martin: Let me check. It...does...not…..

...

Jon: Martin?

[A beat.]

Martin: Right! Sorry, um. This week’s shoutout is from Tim, to Danny. It says, “Danny! My favorite person who shares genetic material with me! I wanted to say thank you for your podcast obsession from 4 months ago, and specifically for telling me about these marrieds. They’ve gotten me through many a dull hour at the publishing house. Also, with this shoutout, I’ve officially gotten ahead on the Superior [Last Name Redacted] Brother scoreboard, so suck it. Love you lots, and looking forward to your visit next month, Tim.”

Jon: Oh.

Jon: Um. That’s very..sweet? I think? Mostly?

Martin: Yeah, I’d say so. Uh. We have to take a quick break because, uh, someone is..at our front door! Be back with you all in, from your side of things, just a moment.

[rosafione]

"Come Closer."

title; How Far Will I Fall, 'Till You Catch Me In your Arms

pairing; xiao x reader

desc; you never really lacked the guts for these kinds of things, but before everything else, you valued his feelings, and most of all, his consent. in the end, it still takes two to tango.

a/n; xiao drabble xiao drabble xiao drabbleee now, he might be ooc, im not sure, but this is mostly just an hc if you guys are close— to an extent muahahahahaha

Time was at a standstill for a certain young adeptus.

For someone who's lived a millennia, you'd think two months would only feel like a second. Before, Xiao would not deny the frequency of those moments— of loneliness, and melancholy; Of time spent watching the Guyun Stone Forest and awaiting his time to strike.

Every day that passed was one spent with his guard high, back then.

And yet now, those moments seemed as if they existed in a far different time. A time before the Traveler plunged Osial into the ocean, stripping them of their adeptal duties and eliminating a cause for Liyue to seek their guidance.

Though possibly the greatest disparity from that time could be that.. It was a time before you— before he had you by his side.

You were a mortal, one he considers to be above average, yet a mortal, nonetheless. You still had times where your humanity catches up to you, and you are left vulnerable in the hands of the evil that lurks among the lands of Tevyat.

Xiao met you at your weakest; But he watched you grow into your shell.

It wasn't as if he regarded you with any special fondness. At first. You were no different from any other mortal that walked Liyue— a fragile creature he was tasked to protect, and a being he needed to steer clear off, lest he harm you with his adeptal energy. (Death from the sheer force of it was no stranger to him. He does not want to carry another human's death on his shoulders.)

Xiao had a complicated relationship with the mortal realm. It was not disdain he harbored for humans, only vigilance and curiosity.

Their realm and the adepti's were two worlds apart.

What differed you from the mortals is that you crossed that distance. And somehow, you stood before him, right in the in between.

He wonders how you do it; You've always been unyielding in his presence. He knows you are aware of his prowess, but every time he looks at you, there is nothing but fondness and adoration he sees in your ancient gaze.

You offered him Almond Tofu almost every day. It makes him anticipate your troubles, yet you do no else other than indulge him in small chats, and silly escort commissions into the mountains or the forest. At times, you'd just watch him feed on your offerings.

He knew it was a bribe, the Almond Tofu. You did it almost everyday— Until you didn't have to.

At some point, Xiao stopped denying your presence. He's warned you enough— He respected you enough to know that you were an adult, and you could think for yourself. And though the moments you'd offer him were memories worthy to look back on, he dares not seek you out.

But he didn't have to. You always came to him first.

His relationship with you only grew from there. It was no earth-shattering occurrence, that's for sure. It was a parasite that he didn't know had been rooting itself into his being so deeply that he cannot bring himself to part with it.

Though if not a shocking event, it was still a crushing revelation.

"Good day, Xiao."

The lady-in-charge, Verr, seemed to be searching for something before her gaze flitted back to his. "No Y/N today?"

"Y/N is off to the harbour for a few days," he'd answered instinctively as he walked to the usual table prepared for him near the kitchen.

"And you didn't come with?"

His slit brows raise in confusion. "Why would I?"

"Oh dear, my apologies. I just figured—" a bashful chuckle leaves her— "Since I see you guys together all the time."

He frowns at the memory. It was a realization that started his resolve to put some distance, yet it was also the beginning of your.. lengthy travels.

When your few days became a few weeks, his resolve easily yielded to his eagerness in meeting you once more.

-

Time used to pass by swiftly, but nowadays, a year spent with you feels as if he had already spent half of his life.

He sighs, shaking his head at himself. "Reduced to just standing around. How absurd."

"If you think standing around was such an absurd concept then why do you still reject the idea of travelling with me?"

The familiar voice wills him to rip his gaze away from the scenery.

He knows it is yours— your steps, your scent, your weight, your presence. Xiao feels you the moment you stepped into the inn. Yet he does not move, run, nor show any sign of the buzz that vibrates from inside his chest.

Yet when he sees you, you are beautiful, safe. Ephemeral.

He forgets every aching minute he's spent in the eight weeks you were not in his vicinity.

Time runs again.

Still, everything about you is slow; The way you walk carefully to his side, the way you drag your fond gaze from his, to the scenery before you.. The way your hair flows and dances with the evening breeze.

He knows. The wind has always favored you.

"Ever since meeting the Traveler, all you've talked about is travelling," he chose to say.

"With you."

"What?" he frowns.

"I mean that yes, all I've talked about is travelling—" you chuckle bashfully, averting your eyes away from his— "That is, travelling.. But with you."

His eyes widen, then hardening with a purse of his lips, before he turns to glare into the distance. "My answer will not change. I cannot leave Liyue."

"And my reply is the same," you sigh. "The place does not matter. As long as we'd be together."

It is a sensitive topic, and an inevitable taboo.

There was a line neither of you should ever cross— a line he's put there himself, and one he disdains all the same.

Silence ensues. It is a frequent occurrence, ever since you first brought up the prospect of adventuring. Stubborn and troublesome. Xiao finds himself needing to track back in conversations just to figure you out.

Mortals were such complex creatures.

And yet it was so easy for you to read him like an open book. Or so he assumes. You always knew how you'd deal with him. Even Xiao knows that it is no easy feat.

"You're always like this," he grumbles.

You do not answer, and he settles for the tranquility, all the tension leaving his body; And for once, after two months, he felt as if he could actually breathe.

He wonders how much longer he'd be stuck in this area of torment and bliss. Wonders how much longer he'll continue to drag you into it.

Wonders when you'll snap and just leave him all together.

He frowns grumpily at the thought.

-

"Can I?" you ask.

Xiao looks into your eyes— swirling hues that didn't return his gaze, far focused on a lower part of his face. His lips, he realizes. Your gaze had been focused on his lips.

The epiphany wills a streak of crimson to rise to the tips of his ears, and his own focus is stolen away by the pink appendage that wets your lips.

"Your question is incomplete," he says instead, feigning ignorance.

Shaking his head, Xiao crosses his arms and forces himself to concentrate on your eyes. Only on your eyes.

Maybe then, he wouldn't get so distracted.

"Regardless of how your question would go, I don't understand why you need my opinion," he huffs, grumbling. "It's your body. You would know it best."

You press your lips together. A gentle, bashful smile spreading on your face as a fond look emerges in your eyes. "My apologies," you chuckle. "It was the wrong question to ask."

He faces you to narrow his eyes at your suspicious behavior, but he's far too distracted by the way your hand lifts, trailing from the side of his neck to gently cup his cheek, and his breath hitches, eyes widening.

Warmth radiated from your touch. Xiao knows better than to reject such touches any longer when with you. So he leans into it, presses his head closer to your palm, closing his eyes and exhaling in surrender.

"What i meant to ask was," he opens his eyes to look at you.

Your gazes clash. They meld and melt into each other as you slowly raise yourself closer and closer — or perhaps it was him who'd been leaning down.

The hand that traces the tattoo on his right arm, as well as the other that caresses his face with an aching gentleness, reels him in. enthralls him. It lures him into succumbing to your presence, and his body goes through that familiar feeling of softening under your touch.

"May I?" you whisper.

Suddenly, you are leaning in more eagerly— more determined, as if with a clear intent in mind. He thinks he understands your words enough now, swirling in his mind, goes through consideration, and the one practical response he could muster with his focus in a jumble is to deny you permission.

He gulps soundly; He can't bring himself to.

Xiao thinks this is it, watching you move in as he struggles to keep his eyes from fluttering shut. He thinks it would be this moment— this moment in which he dooms the unspoken rule between mortals and adepti. Dooms the contract he's worked so hard to fulfill in service of Lord Morax, now Zhong Li. He'd doom your friendship, or whatever it is you've offered him up to this point.

Yet even then.. Even then, he doesn't say no.

He stays quiet; Waiting. Wanting.

It's funny— the mortal language, how one could switch out a letter, and a word would seem that much different.

It was true, nonetheless.

Xiao waits. Xiao wants.

He wants the closeness, the intimacy— the affection you provide. He wants your lips to meet his just to know if it is as soft as the rest of you is. He wants to see if a kiss— curious, like a child— truly lives up to the countless tales told by the experienced. He wants to know.. If you will give him those answers.

His amber eyes meet yours. He does not breathe, as if doing so would scare you away. As if doing anything would give you a response he does not want to give.

It is enough. Your noses bump for a second, his eyes fluttering closed; Your scent wafts from beneath his nose, crisp burning incense, molded into the fresh smell of the forest that is brought about by the wind.

He curves into you, a single thought shaking him to the core, making him tremble - so utterly pathetic.

'Please..'

Your lips do not meet.

And suddenly, there is too much air between you and him.

Xiao opens his eyes to see you trailing back, fidgety— you looked like a walking contradiction, twitching fingers trying to cross the distance, gaze darting between looking away or staring regretfully at his lips.

There was a crimson hue staining your cheeks, he noticed.

"Why.." he whispers, then catches himself.

The inside of his chest strains from all the emotions he has to keep hidden— all the emotions he has to keep denying.

Disappointment. Loneliness. Exhaustion. Desperation.

Xiao wants.

-

You couldn't believe you almost kissed him.

It was a heavy violation of contract— not that you two had ever agreed to one, but it was an unspoken compromise. It was a truth you both knew, yet continued to ignore.

So that this— whatever this was, could survive.

Archons, you almost laid it all to waste!

(Either way, any decision would still leave you with regrets, had you continued or pulled away.)

"Ah, would you look at that!" you laughed out loud in a panic, perhaps to cover up the tense atmosphere. "I did it again! I asked a question without completing it, yeah? Guess it's a really bad habit on mine!"

Xiao does not answer. You spare him a look. And you wish you hadn't.

He looks dejected, disappointment and frustration showing through his slit eyebrows and wide eyes.

As if your choice was a surprise to him.

As if he wanted you to continue.

As if.

You couldn't deny you wanted it, too. Whatever he could give you. And, more.

You mentally scold yourself, knowing you're already stretching Xiao's patience with your friendship as it is.

You have to remind yourself that Xiao is immortal, and no matter how humane he may seem, you cannot trouble him with matters such as the turmoil in your heart.

It's really hard to say anything, when all the thoughts that circle in your head is how wonderful he is. How amazing he makes you feel. How he is all you've ever wanted for the whole year since you've realized you'd developed a certain affection for him.

"Sorry, Xiao," you say, throat tightening with bubbles of emotions threatening to spill. "I should.. Go away, for some time."

( And the first thing Xiao thinks is to dejectedly reply 'Again.?' )

"No," he says all too quickly, detaching from the banister.

"No?" you echo, confused. "N-no what?"

"Stay," he says, but it is not a command. Not from the adeptus. It is a soft request; A wavering plea that reaches to you soul.

"Where?" you ask. 'How far?'

"Here," he whispers now. "With me."

You push your luck, craving just a bit more patience from Xiao.

"Close?"

You could see Xiao consider. His eyes showing his heart, but his silence showing his mind.

He gives in.

"Close."

That day was the nearest you've peered, held and embraced Xiao's soul, moving closer, and softly leaning your forehead on his, clenching onto the white fabric of his shirt as he loosely wraps an arm around your waist— under the watchful eyes of the night sky.

There is still a distance that Xiao dares not cross.

And for now, maybe it's enough.

[queenmylovely]

Would you have any thots to share about....blowing ben perhaps? 👉👈maybe a first time blow job? 😘

well what do you know, I do! (smut, 2.8k words, 18+, gender neutral!reader)

☆☆☆

You were not the first serious relationship for your first serious boyfriend, but you didn’t mind. You liked that he had ironed out a couple of the little things that there always were in new relationships (or so you assumed) before so that when they came up in yours at least one of you knew how to deal with them. It also meant that he had more experience with… certain things, whereas you were lacking. You definitely weren’t lacking in enthusiasm, though.

As soon as you felt comfortable with the idea, you put it to your boyfriend. The two of you were cuddling on the couch, just watching some game show you liked when you came to the decision that you were ready.

“Ben?” you asked to get his attention, turning to look at him fully, his arm around your shoulders falling to your waist with the movement.

“Yeah babe,” he replied, taking a second to look at you, making sure he had guessed the right answer first.

You grinned at him, excited to hear his answer to your question, “Can I give you my first blowjob?”

Ben’s eyes just about popped out of his head and he had to clear his throat just in order to speak, “Now?”

“Now, in an hour, whenever, just today,��� you clarified, your nonchalant attitude doing nothing to make Ben feel like this was a normal conversation topic while watching contestants in a battle of wits over relatively useless trivia.

“Are you sure? Just ‘cause I went down on you the other day doesn’t mean you need to do it if you’re not ready,” Ben reminded, sweet as ever.

“Thanks for the reminder, Benny,” you rolled your eyes fondly because of course you knew that, but you appreciated his desire for your desire nonetheless. “And yes, I’m sure. I’ve been thinking about it for a minute and the way you thoroughly enjoyed giving me head gave me hope that I might feel the same way when I do it for you.”

With that, you slid a hand along Ben’s thigh and suddenly he looked very conflicted.

“Ummm…”

“Yeah? Do you not want to?” you asked, the beginnings of a frown on your face.

“No, I do! Just, can we wait until the show is done?” he asked sheepishly and you laughed.

“Yes of course, you gigantic dork. We can wait to see if you’re gonna win the whole thing,” you tell him, moving your hand back down his thigh and then patting his knee.

“Not for me, I’m rooting for uhhh Blair,” the pause was because he had to wait for any of the contestant’s names to pop up on screen.

“Uh-huh, I believe you,” you turned back to the screen. If you were going to be waiting the 15 minutes until the show was over, you might as well try to get more questions right than Ben.

___

17 minutes later and you and Ben had migrated to his bedroom because you had decided that you might as well be lying down so you could put your full focus on the task at hand.

“Alright, boyo, get naked!” you told him, pulling at the clothes he was wearing but not actually doing anything to take them off.

“You sure know how to turn a guy on,” Ben said as he took off his clothes on his own.

But you didn’t answer, too distracted by the sight of Ben’s chest and abs coming into view and, oh fuck, his thighs. You could count on both hands the number of times you had seen Ben naked and, so far, the effect it had on you had not diminished.

Barely pulling yourself together before you started drooling, you pushed your now butt-naked boyfriend onto the bed and he settled himself among the pillows. He wasn’t hard yet, but that wasn’t a problem. You climbed onto bed with him and straddled him, bringing your lips to his in a sweet, chaste kiss.

But the chasteness didn’t last long. You pulled out all of the stops when it came to your knowledge of kissing Ben (which was much further ahead than your knowledge of blowjobs). Ben liked it when you swept your tongue along the side of his and tickled the corners of his mouth. He also always moaned when you sucked on his lower lip then nipped it, so you did that now, pleased with yourself when you felt his muffled moan against your mouth.

You slowly started to feel him harden underneath you and shifted your hips until you were lined up with him. The heat from between your legs encouraged him along and you began to rock your hips back and forth gently.

Pleased with what you were able to get done with just kissing his lips and moving your hips, you pull back and start kissing your way across his jaw and then to his neck. You’re still not totally sure where his sweet spot is, but it takes you less and less time to find it every time you try, and nothing’s quite like the gasp you get from Ben when you do.

From his neck you move down to his chest, nipping the delicate skin over his collarbones and then licking it, trying to do that soothing thing that Ben does when he bites you but you’re not sure you’ve done it the same as he does. Oh well. Moving on, you got to his chest and instead of a nip, you pretty much fully bit into one of his pecs, unable to stop yourself when you saw the full, squishy muscle right there within reach. But Ben doesn’t seem to mind; on the contrary his hips move up into yours with the fleeting pain. You smile to yourself and add that to your ever-growing mental file folder of Ben's pleasure.

Now you’re bent low enough that you have to stop straddling him, kneeling between his legs for the moment as you lick and kiss his nipples, loving his surprised moan. Then as you crawl backwards, you press kisses to his stomach until his dick gets in the way and you take the chance you have to press a quick kiss to Ben’s head before resting on your elbows between his legs. It seems you had surprised him again, due to the wide eyed look on his face. You just giggled and traced a finger along his thigh.

Being this close to his dick, you could smell him, a faint musky scent that smelled like warm skin and something else. You licked your lips to see if you could taste him, but there hadn’t been enough contact. All of this reassured you a bit as you stared at his cock.

Then you quickly shifted your gaze to Ben and asked, “Should I start now?”

“If you want,” Ben’s voice was huskier than normal, something that made you smile a little, knowing you had caused it.

“But, like, is now a good time?” you asked self consciously, having left all of your previous experience behind at Ben’s collarbone.

“Yes, babe, now is a fantastic time,” Ben reassured, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

You nodded, psyching yourself up for a second. Then you remembered that Ben had kissed your thighs for a bit first, so you thought doing the same to him would be nice and a good build up for you to get ready.

So you pressed a kiss to his mid-thigh, looking up to see his reaction. He was looking at you with a funny little smile on his face.

“What?”

“No, nothing, I just thought you were going to start,” he said with a shrug.

“Shhh, I’m trying something,” you told him, pressing a similar kiss to the other thigh.

Next, you kissed a little higher on his leg, and it was an open-mouthed kiss, so you knew Ben could feel the wet warmth from your mouth on his skin. You kept moving your way up on either side, adding a swirl of your tongue or a scrape of your teeth here and there as you did. It only took a couple of minutes for you to reach the base of his cock, but by that time Ben was panting and his dick was throbbing literally in front of your eyes.

By now, you didn’t need psyching up and just kissed the base of his dick on either side. The natural continuance of your previous movements was to keep kissing up the length of his cock until you got to his head so that’s what you did, the light feeling of your lips on him making Ben’s breath turn shaky.

Finally, you got to his head and finally, you stuck out your tongue and licked it. He tasted like he smelled, which wasn’t bad, just different. So with that knowledge in hand, you brought your right hand to hold his cock in place so that you could do what you wanted at the top. You licked his head again, your tongue running along his slit. It honestly felt almost dry to you, so you gathered some spit in your mouth and then let it fall onto his cock. And even though it was a practical move, Ben moaned out loud at the sight.

You licked all around the edge of his head, trying to remember to give a little extra attention to the frenulum like you had read about in some online magazine. Ben seemed to like that by the way his hips twitched forwards and his breath caught. So you swirled your tongue on it again before moving on.

This time, you opened your mouth and placed his whole head in your mouth, closing your lips around him slowly as you got used to the sensation. It was definitely a little strange because you had never felt anything like it in your mouth. Again, not unpleasant, just weird. But a weird that you could see yourself quickly getting used to.

You moved your mouth further down on his cock and were able to take about half of his cock down. Ben hummed and you looked up, letting his dick fall out of your mouth.

Swallowing quickly, you asked, “Was that good, was it right?”

“Yeah, it felt nice,” Ben smiled. Then he thought for a second, “If you were already building up to it, totally ignore me, but remember you can also… suck.”

Your face dropped and your eyes widened, “Oh my gosh! I cannot believe I forgot about sucking your dick!!”

Ben was so obviously trying not to laugh that you started laughing too.

“Literally your dick was in my mouth, and that’s all! Just fucking sitting there!” a blush, mostly from embarrassment, but also partly from laughter, covered pretty much your entire face.

“Listen babe,” Ben said through giggles. “It’s not like it’s in the name. Plus I wasn’t lying when I said it felt nice. Just, you know, not quite enough to finish.”

The two of you laughed and joked for a few more minutes until the mood had settled. You’re about to get back to business when Ben insisted on a kiss first; you happily obliged.

Once you’re back between his legs, the whole thing seemed less daunting and you started redoing the kissing and licking of earlier since he had liked it. By the time you’re considering actually sucking his dick, the mood had changed enough so you’re not at risk for laughing.

You started by sucking on his head, which didn’t feel awkward in your mouth, and so encouraged, you sucked him a little deeper. His shaft was too long for you to fit the entire thing, but just under half seemed to work. This time you remembered on your own to start bobbing your head and Ben groaned at the feeling.

That worked well until you accidentally went too deep and gagged. Your first reaction was to pull him out of your mouth, a line of spit running from your lips to his cock. Ben immediately asked if you were alright and if you wanted to take a break and you did.

During this “break” you stayed between his legs and just used your hand to stimulate him instead of your mouth. You had given him a few handjobs as foreplay before so that was easy to fall back into. And once you felt ready to start again, it was nice to keep pumping him as you kissed his head. Slowly, you worked him into your mouth again, and this time you knew how deep you could go comfortably (at least enough to know where to slow down to prevent gagging).

It was actually a lot of fun. Doing things that made Ben moan once and then doing them over and over again until his hips twitched upwards. It was also kind of a funny experience, but instead of laughing, you would hum around his cock, which surprisingly Ben also liked.

The only issue was that your jaw was starting to get tired. Apparently, it was not used to this kind of movement. You tried to soldier through, but when it felt like you were getting a cramp (if that’s even possible in your jaw), you had to call the sucking part quits.

“Benny…”

“Yeah, babe?” Ben replied, eyes opening and his hands unclenching from the bedsheets.

“My jaw is sore,” you pouted.

“Oh no, babe. Is it okay? Is it bad? Why didn’t you stop when it started getting tired?” Ben’s questions are rapid fire but you can feel his care through all of them.

“I thought it would go away,” you admitted sheepishly.

Ben gave you a look, but just said, “Well, it was very good. And if you wanna keep practicing another day, that is more than fine by me. Plus the more you do, the more used to it your jaw muscles will get.”

As he spoke, Ben started sitting up like he was going to get up.

“What are you doing? I still want to get you off,” you told him with a tone of voice that told him to settle back down.

You grasped his cock again, stroking it up and down firmly, making sure to go over his head as well. When you wanted your hand to move more smoothly, you spat on his cock again and Ben cursed.

As soon as your jaw stopped feeling weird, you took just his head back in your mouth. Since it was less than before, it seemed okay, so you started sucking and swirling your tongue around him in time to your hand.

You could tell he was getting close by the way his moans had gotten higher, but now he seemed like he was at a plateau.

You pulled his head out of your mouth, “Ben are you close?”

His eyes moved from your hand to your face, “Um, mostly.”

You nodded, “Well, maybe you can show me what works better.”

Grabbing his hand with your free one, you situated yours and his together until he was covering your hand that was pumping his dick. Ben started slowly, unsure of your idea, but then the feeling of his large hand over your smaller one stroking his dick was incredibly hot and he started guiding you for real.

With some adjustment, you started sucking his head again. Between Ben’s encouraging words and instruction, and your hums in response to them, Ben was close minutes later and warned you.

You shook your head, quickly popping his cock out of your mouth, “I want to taste you.”

Just five more seconds set Ben off, his hips bucking into yours and his hands, his voice moaning your name loudly, and his cum spurting into your mouth.

It was more than you were expecting, and the taste was a weird mixture of things but not bad enough that you wouldn’t be okay with swallowing. Ben pumped your hand over his cock a couple more times and then let go, so you did the same and took his cock out of your mouth.

You smiled up at him, “I liked it!”

Ben smiled sleepily back, holding his hands out to you. Even though both of you had a hand covered in saliva, you happily let him pull you closer to him.

“Oh, you’ve got a bit of cum on your lower lip,” Ben mumbled and you started to reach up to wipe it off or push it into your mouth when he pulled you even closer. Ben kissed his cum off your lip and your eyes widened as a bolt of unexpected pleasure ran through you. But Ben didn’t give you time to think about that because he was deepening the kiss to show his thanks.

★★★

I'm gonna tag for length. permanent taglist: @riseetothesun@drowseoftaylor @caborhapch​  @queenlover05 @johndeaconshands @stardust-galaxies @zodiacaldust @buckyluvrs @im-an-adult-ish @sleep-i-ness​

[bangtanloverboys]

found again // jhs

summary - forever was a very long time to be alone, but it was the safeest way to save yourself the heartache of losing loved ones. despite that, you still find yourself falling in love with hoseok

pairing - hunter!hoseok x immortal female!reader

genre - fluff, angst; reincarnation au

word count - 5.0k

warnings - strangers to lovers, hisorical inaccuracies, reader is centuries old, takes place in late 1700s, “i can fix that”, falling in love, kissing, proposal, mentioning of harming self, major character death, dogs die, im sorry everything i write of hoseok is sad but happy ending!!

author’s note - another fic inspired by ABC Forever, because i love the concept and i miss it

After nearing three centuries of life, one would think they’d get used to being alone. To the quiet still air of an empty home, void of a family. But it never did, you could never get used to it. It wasn’t that you purposefully chose to live a life of solitude, but rather found it the best way to live. If you were alone, you couldn’t get hurt. With no roots, it made moving from place to place easier. The only thing that got you through it all was thinking back on your family.

They were long gone by now, but that didn’t change the fact you still thought of them often. More than once, you would dream of what they would have thought with each place. How your mother would move every bit of furniture until it looked just right, how your father would go on about how far it was from the village, or how your little sisters would run about the cabin entirely, claiming it was perfect. 

Several times you would get so caught up in your daydreams, you would even call out to them, only for your voice to die out before their names could even fully fall past your lips. Each time you’d wince at your own foolishness, before sighing, returning to the task you were doing. 

That was simply how you lived until the day that Hoseok arrived. 

You were deep into the woods, picking wild berries when a rustling was heard from across the clearing you were in. Cautiously, you made your way over to the rustling bushes. Right as you were about to peek behind them, a young man popped out from behind them. You let out a scream as you stumbled back, tripping over your skirt and sending you tumbling into the dirt.

“Oh my- I’m so sorry!” The young man spoke as he rushed over to you, helping you back to your feet.

“What were you doing? Were you watching me?!” You exclaimed, pushing him away from you as soon as you stood up.

“No! I promise. I was hunting when my dogs stopped.” It was then you were suddenly aware of the two dog heads that poked out from the branches. “I thought they caught a scent of maybe a deer but uh, seems like they found you,” he chuckled nervously, before his eyebrows shot up. “Where are my manners, I’m Hoseok,” he said, holding his hand out for you.

You stared at it for a moment, before you gave him your name, placing your hand in his. Your hand in his grip, he raised your knuckles to his lips for a kiss.

“Pleasure to meet you.” You swore your face grew hot at those words. It had been years since any man had shown you any sort of affection, even if it was the smallest bit. “What are you doing out here?”

“I- uh, berries.” You gestured to your basket that you left across the clearing. “Collecting some for a pie.” You’re unsure why you felt nervous all of a sudden, but with Hoseok’s gaze on your, it made it difficult to not feel shy.

“Berry pie? Oh that sounds delicious.”

Before you could even comprehend what you were thinking, you found yourself asking, “Would you like some?” 

“Pardon?” He furrowed his brows at you.

“I mean,” you cringed at yourself before you started over, “would you like to come over? It should only take a few hours?”

A smile lit up his face, and you swear you don’t think you’ve ever seen a more beautiful smile. “I would love that.” The both of you walked across the field, picking up your basket as you reentered the forest, heading into the direction of your cottage. Glancing behind you, you saw the two bloodhounds following close on his heels. No doubt noticing how you kept glancing behind him, he introduced them. “Their names are Mickey and Ann.”

“They’re beautiful,” you complimented.

The rest of the journey back to your cottage was in silence, but it was not uncomfortable. Reaching your small little property, you felt uneasiness wash over you as you motioned to your small cottage. It was already several years old by the time you moved into it, windows didn’t shut right and it took a couple nudges to fully close the door; but it was home. If Hoseok thought any less of it, he didn’t say anything, besides ordering the two dogs to stay put at the front door.

Once inside, you began to prepare the pie crust. On occasion, you’d glance up at Hoseok who was staring at the small things you had collected over your life, mainly assorted coins from each country you visited and a few books. Picking one of them up, he began to flip through it.

“Do you actually understand this?” He asked, gesturing to the words on the page.

“Italian? Yes.” No doubt it was probably one of the first languages you learned when you discovered your affliction. Over the past few centuries, you found out you had quite the knack for picking up languages. 

“You must’ve had some fancy schooling,” he whistled as he set the book down.

“Not really,” you flushed as you kneaded the dough. “Just knew someone who taught it to me.”

“Family?” He asked.

You shook your head no. A small Italian artist took you under her wing for a handful of years, deeming you her muse. In return for being the source of her inspiration, she taught you her language. 

“Where is your family?” 

The question had you cease your kneading. You should have known the question would’ve been asked at some point or another. Not to mention, you were somewhat of an enigma to the nearby village. A young well read woman from far away living in a small abandoned cottage, what could you possibly be doing all the way out here? No one ever said anything to you about it, but you knew they certainly thought something of it, judging by the stares you received when you’d walk into town. If he’d ever been, there was a strong possibility he knew of you already.

“Gone,” you answered, resuming your kneading. “Just me.”

“Oh, I’m sorry about that.” His voice was soft as he apologized, like he regretted asking.

“Not your fault, they’ve been gone for a while.” A long while.

The comfortable silence was gone, replaced with an air of tension. Like a string held so taught that the smallest movement would cause it to snap. The topic of your family always stung, no matter how much time had passed. 

Quite possibly wanting to ease the awkward atmosphere he created, Hoseok quietly made his way over to you in your small kitchen. Standing beside you, he smiled.

“What can I do to help?”

Pushing down the butterflies that had erupted in your stomach, you stepped to the side and handed him the basket of wildberries you collected. “Make the filling?” 

The rest of the afternoon consisted of both of you struggling to make the pie. Hoseok apparently wasn’t all that good with following directions as whenever you turned your back to do something, he would try and sneak a nibble at the filling. On occasion, he’d inquire about your knowledge of languages; curious to learn different phrases. It was only when you put the pie in the oven did Hoseok finally cease his linguistic questions. Sitting on a stool, you allowed yourself to catch your breath as you watched the young hunter, who’s gaze was fixated on your roof. 

You were well aware of the shape your cottage was in, due to its old age it was in constant need of repairs. The most important one being the leaks in the roof, thankfully it was the dry season so you didn’t have to go about fixing them just yet, but you knew you’d have to get to it eventually.

“I can fix that.” He gestured up to the roof.

“Can you really?” You raised a brow at him.

“Consider it my way of repaying you for the pie.”

And that was the beginning of your friendship with Hoseok. He’d stop by every other day, tools in hand and work on sealing up your roof. A few times, he’d even bring in a few of his kills, offering it to you to make some dinner. Each time you refused, but he always insisted. 

“A lady needs her food.”

A little over a week had passed and Hoseok finished the roof. It was then you realized how badly you hated being alone. You’d missed having someone to talk to, to cook for. Having grown so used to his presence in that week, you pointed to the old busted chicken coop that resided on your property. It had been empty since you’d moved in and you thought having fresh eggs from a nice chicken coop would be nice. Without hesitating, he agreed to fix the coop. And your front door, and your windows, and your fence. Each time he completed something, you found something new for him to fix.

While he worked on repairs, you’d either read or cook up dinner, not only for you and him, but for his dogs as well. Mickey and Ann were complete sweethearts, waiting patiently by the front door for their owner to come in and join you all for food. When he was working on your windows, more than once you saw him peeking through as you sat at your kitchen table reading  as Mickey laid his head on your lap. 

Eventually, the cottage was practically brand new. There was nothing else to be fixed and you had to prepare yourself to say goodbye to Hoseok. Your heart ached as he walked away from your home for the last time, his dogs trailing behind him. The following morning, you resumed your usual chores and activities; tending to your (new) chickens, work in your garden, and reread your books. 

You’d been fighting off tears all day, and it was as you were preparing supper that the tears began to fall. Perhaps it was foolish of you to get attached to him anyways. No matter what would have happened, it would’ve turned out the way it usually did: with you disappearing. 

A knock on your door, pulled you from your thoughts. For a moment you were confused, no one ever from the village ever came up to visit, you wondered what could’ve happened. Quickly, you wiped the tears from your eyes and made your way over to the door, where the unknown visitor knocked away. 

“Coming, I’m coming!” You called as you swung the door open, revealing- “Hoseok?”

The young man was at your door, a handful of freshly killed quails in hand, and both hounds standing behind him, panting happily. “What, I’m not late am I?”

“No, no,” you shook your head, “that’s not it at all. I just- I wasn’t expecting you?”

“Why wouldn’t you be expecting me? I thought we had a nice little arrangement going on?” He questioned.

“We did, but I have nothing else for you to fix so I assumed-”

“Y/N,” he cut you off. Cupping your cheek, you had no choice but to look up into his sweet, adoring face. “I thought it was pretty obvious you wanted me around for some other reason besides being your handyman.”

Feeling your face grow hot, you slowly nodded. 

He chuckled at you softly, his eyes never leaving yours. “So is it alright, I come over for supper?”

“Of course,” you breathed out. You don’t think you’ve ever felt so happy in so long. 

So the two of you fell into a routine of sorts, he would stop by some meat for you to cook for your supper. Over the meal, you’d catch up on your day to day activities. By the time the food was gone, and you were with full bellies, Hoseok would excuse himself. 

“Goodnight, I’ll see you in the morning,” was what he would say as he left your cottage for his own home, somewhere in town. A few times you’d stayed up so late that it was well past midnight, so you offered him your place for the night. Purely because you didn’t want him out so late, but each time he refused; saying it wouldn’t be right.

Slowly, your dinner meetings would begin happening in the day time. The last few days of summer were upon you and you wanted to spend it with Hoseok, having a picnic with him. 

You dragged him up a tall grassy hill, basket full of bread, cheese, and jam. He laughed as he allowed you to pull him up towards the top, Mickey and Ann trailing behind at his heels, barking happily. Hoseok allowed the dogs to wander around the area, occasionally calling them back if they went too far. 

All set up, you both sat down and enjoyed your lunch. It wasn’t long after you finished that you scooted closer to him, and closer until your hands were almost touching. You were about to slip your hand underneath his when Hoseok’s hand moved, taking your’s and placing it in his. His hands were rough to the touch, small calluses riddled his palms. A smile playing on your lips, you rested your head on his shoulder.

Neither of you moved for hours as you watched the day go by from that little spot on the hill, relishing in the late summer sun. Out of all the years you lived, you had to think that that moment there was the most peaceful. There was no need to run, no overwhelming sense of loss, just you and Hoseok.

“What was your family like?” He questioned.

Taking a deep breath, you began talking about your late family. “My father was a miller, he’d often take me on his runs to deliver flour, giving me a little sack to carry as well,” you smiled fondly at the memory, the villagers chuckling at you as you teetered behind him. “When I was even younger, I used to lay down by the fire and watch my mother sew. . . scolding me for growing up so fast.”

“Did you have any siblings?”

“I had two younger sisters, parents weren’t able to have anymore after the youngest,” you sighed, remembering how hard your parents tried. “They adored flowers, wanting to cover the cottage we lived in with honeysuckle and wild flowers.” Your vision started to get blurry as tears welled up in your eyes.

“They sound wonderful,” Hoseok murmured.

“Yeah, they were. . .” You sighed, blinking back the tears.

“Hey,” he pulled his shoulder away to look at you. “You’re okay, it’s okay.” Hoseok’s hand moved to cup your cheek, brushing the stray hairs from your face. “Your parents are looking down on you, so proud of the woman you are today.”

Meeting Hoseok’s eyes, you’re overwhelmed with the love and adoration pouring from his gaze. Never in your three hundred years had a person ever looked at you that way. As much as you wanted to give into his love, you were scared of the inevitable. One day Hoseok would begin to age and he would notice you still look the same as the day you met. He would grow old before your eyes, leaving you no choice but to leave him broken hearted. To love him would be selfish of you.

The sound of his voice calling your name pulled you from your spiral. You watched as his eyes flickered down to your lips for a moment, before he slowly leaned in. For the first time ever time felt like it stood still. There was no inevitable ticking clock, no fear or thoughts of the future. Just you and Hoseok, on that grassy hill on a late August day. 

You should’ve known better than to have let him kiss you, as you knew as soon as you felt his lips on yours, there was no way you’d be able to let him go. Being alone for so many years, perhaps this time you could allow yourself to be selfish. One day you’d tell him about your curse, but until that day came, you were going to let yourself be with him. 

As the seasons changed, your relationship with Hoseok only grew stronger. He’d visit you daily, bringing gifts of flowers, baked goods, and other assorted courting gifts. The two of you would spend all day together, reading or he’d help you take care of your chickens. Each night, he would leave, despite your insistence on him spending the night.

“I’m courting you, let me do this right,” he whispered once as he kissed you goodnight. 

While you appreciated the sweet sentiment, he should’ve known your relationship was anything but orthodox. If your mother was still around, she surely would’ve been scandalized to hear you kissed him before you even married him. In fact the more you thought about it, the more horrified your mother would be at what you’ve done before marriage. But despite everything you may have done in the past, everything with Hoseok felt like a first.

Whenever Hoseok was with you, never did it feel like time was passing. Like it was only the two of you in your own little bubble of the world, frozen in time. Thoughts of your curse were far from your mind, but each time he left for the night, you knew you had to tell him eventually.

As the days grew colder, that ache you felt in your heart only became more apparent. Soon, you’d think to yourself, I’ll tell him soon. But it couldn’t come soon enough.

Snow soon covered the land, leaving you and Hoseok nothing much but to huddle yourselves inside your cottage. Both of you were huddled in front of your fireplace, desperate to keep warm. Hoseok’s dogs were curled up beside you as well, Mickey’s head resting on your lap as you lazily stroked his fur with one hand. You were rereading one of your novels, simply enjoying the warmth of the fire when you could feel Hoseok’s eyes on you. It wasn’t uncommon that he would stare at you as you did any sort of task, but there was something different about him. Behind his eyes, there was a particularly soft warm glow, making your body feel a thousand times more warmed than the heat of the fire in front of you.

“What are you staring at me like that for?” You finally asked, setting your book down. 

“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?”

Within an instant you felt your cheeks warmed by his words. “Yes,” you responded shyly, avoiding meeting his eyes. 

Scooting closer to you, he took the book out of your hand, placing it off to the side. Both hands now free, he took them in his as he said your name. “I don’t know how else to say this but, I love you. I don’t know exactly when I fell for you, but I don’t think I ever want to stop.” Removing one hand from yours, he reached into his pocket, pulling out a delicate copper band. 

A gasp escaped your lips as he held out the ring for you. 

“It would give me the greatest pleasure, if you were to be my wife.”

“Yes,” you whispered. “Yes, yes!” You repeated as he slipped the ring onto your finger. Not even looking at it, you threw your arms over his shoulders. Unprepared for your sudden movement, you both went tumbling to the floor, the dogs whined as they rushed to move away from your colliding bodies. You pressed your mouth to his, smiling into it as he returned your kiss.

Until that moment, all your kisses had been brief. Fleeting kisses of hellos and goodbyes, never lasting more than a second. This kiss was different. His hands held your gently at your hips, keeping you in place on top of him. A fire ignited deep in you as you kissed him, you didn’t want to let him go now, not tonight. Keenly, you began peppering Hoseok’s entire face with kisses. His grip on you tightened as your lips traveled lower along the side of his jaw, nibbling at his neck.

“Wait,” his words came out in a groan. Calling your name, you only responded by moving back up to his lips, wanting to kiss him again. “No, not yet.”

“Hoseok, please,” you whined, breathless from the kiss.

“I know, I know, my love,” he panted as his hand came up to cup your face. “It’s getting late,” he sighed, noticing how dark the sky was outside once you were both sitting up again. 

“You could stay the night,” you offered once again. Before he could protest, you continued. “Besides, we’re engaged now. What difference would it make?”

Hoseok rolled your eyes at the logic. “The difference is I would like my first time with you, to be with you as my wife.” 

“You’re such a romantic,” you huffed as he stood up, gathering his things for him to leave.

Once all his things were together, he lowered his head down, kissing you one last time. “Goodnight, my love. I’ll see you tomorrow.” With that, Hoseok and his dogs left just like they would any other night. 

You stared at the door, waiting for the faint crunches of his footsteps in the snow to disappear. Now alone, you knew you had to tell him. Hopefully his love for you would trump any doubts he would have. While you could try to hurt yourself as proof, you doubt he’d want to see you harmed. Death was a jarring thing, no matter if you were to come back or not. Regardless of the outcome, you knew you’d tell him tomorrow. 

The following day, you got up like you would any other. You got yourself dressed, and began your daily activities. Everything was the way it normally was, but something felt off. You couldn’t place what was, but you knew deep down that something wasn’t right. 

Covering yourself with a thick shawl, you made your way over towards your chicken coop. Picking out the eggs from your hens, ready to make something for breakfast. Once you had enough, you made your way back over to your house. It was then you heard barking. 

Turning your head, you saw the familiar faces of Mickey and Ann, but there was no Hoseok. Setting the basket down, you lowered yourself to the ground, ready to greet the hounds. 

“Hey, hey,” you cooed as you pet the dogs, both of them clearly very distressed. “What’s going on? Where’s Hoseok?” As the mention of his name, Mickey barked at you while Ann whined, pulling at your skirts. 

“Excuse me, miss.” A new voice called from across the way. Looking up, recognizing the face as the innkeeper. You’d seen him a few times in town and Hoseok spoke of him often, as he had been renting one of his rooms the past few months. “You knew Hoseok, correct?”

“He’s my fianceé,” you responded cautiously as you straightened up. You hugged your shawl tighter around you as the innkeeper’s eyes saddened at your words. “Why? What happened?”

“I’m very sorry for your loss, miss.”

“What?” That moment, you could’ve sworn your heart stopped. Deep down, you wish it did. No, Hoseok couldn’t be gone. It couldn’t be. You wanted to accuse the innkeeper of lying, or perhaps he mistook someone for Hoseok. But the look in his eyes was clear: Hoseok was dead.

A ringing started in your ears as you stumbled back into your cabin, the dogs following after you. Barely able to hear any other word the innkeeper might’ve said, but it didn’t matter anyways. Hoseok was gone. There couldn’t be anything else to be said. 

Alone once again in your home, you collapsed onto the ground. Opening your mouth, a deafening wail passed your lips. You had died a number of times by now; you’d been poisoned, stabbed, hung, shot, drowned. You’ve felt almost every measure of pain there was, but nothing compared to the pain you felt when you’d lost your beloved Hoseok. 

You became a ghost of yourself after that day. Simply going through the motions of each day. Your only company was Mickey and Ann, who too missed their late owner. They were your only comfort, knowing that taking care of them was something Hoseok would’ve wanted you to do. Every night, they slept on your bed, curled up beside you as you lazily pet their aging bodies. 

Ann was the first to die. 10 years have passed since you lost Hoseok. You’d moved out of that cottage a few years prior, knowing it was only a matter of time before the village had caught on to your affliction. The move was particularly hard on the two hounds, not wanting to move far from the only town they’d ever known. But you had no choice. It became very apparent that Ann wished to return, always sleeping by the door, hoping you’d change your mind. That’s how you found her one spring morning, lying quietly by the door, having passed in her sleep.

You buried her in your garden, under a bed of roses.

Having lost both his sister and Hoseok, Mickey followed soon after. He rarely left your bed, only getting up to eat or to go outside. It was only three months later did you bury him beside Ann. 

The only reminder you had left of Hoseok was the ring on your finger. You rarely took it off your finger, fearing that one day you might forget it or Hoseok. Often you’d find yourself staring at the copper band. It was simple, bearing no special engravings or jewels, but it became your most prized possession.

Unfortunately, time didn’t stay still for you to wallow in your misery. You had to keep moving forward. But as time moved on, so did the world around you. It was strange how fast technology advanced, but as helpful as it was to the people around you, it became your worst nightmare. It became harder and harder to disappear, small towns and far away cabins no longer felt like the safe haven they once were. Which was how you found yourself deep in the city.

It was strange how easy it was to disappear, to simply become another face in the crowd. No one spared you a second glance, no matter how many times you may have seen them over the years, no one recognized you and your lack of aging. As long as you kept to yourself, you managed to stay hidden in plain sight.

Off the corner of 3rd street, you had your own little hole in the wall bookstore. You purchased the store from a sweet old couple a few years back, it was a quaint little bookshop, already having its own group of loyal customers. On occasion, you would get a few new faces, but it was usually the same ones everyday. 

Until today when you saw a face you hadn’t seen in almost 300 years.

Per your usual morning routine, you were taking inventory of the store when you heard the bell over the front door ring. “I’ll be with you in just a moment!” You called out, trying to finish the last few rows of books. Finished, you made your way back towards the front of the store, dusting your hands off. “Well, is there anything I can help you with-” You stopped dead in your tracks as you saw the man you had entered your store. His eyes were cast downwards and he looked over the titles of the front shelves. Hearing your arrival, familiar dark eyes faced you.

“I’m just browsing,” he said, lips curling into a smile you swore you almost forgot. 

In front of you, was Hoseok. It was, had to be. He looked every bit the same as that cold winter night when you last saw him. Your mouth opened and closed several times, before you finally gained your senses.

“Well, just, let me know if there’s anything specific you had in mind,” you responded, smiling as you spun around on your heel, wanting to make a break for your back office.

“Actually, there might be something.”

Swallowing thickly, you turned back to face him. “Oh?”

“I’m thinking of getting into cooking, do you have any cookbook recommendations?” He asked.

“Y-yeah, follow me.” Quickly, you walked over towards your cookbook section, feeling his eyes on you as you walked him over to the shelves. Dragging your fingers over the spines, you pulled out the one you were looking for. It was an older copy, you recognized from the late 80s. Inside were recipes of different types of baked goods and other dishes. “This one, I think I’ve made just about everything in it twice,” you said, pulling it off the shelf and handing it to him. 

As the man flipped through the pages, you found yourself fiddling with the ring that now hung around your neck. Long ago, you strung a chain through it, nearly losing it down the drain. You stared at him in front of you, still not able to wrap your head around it. After nearly six hundred years, you don’t think you’ve ever seen the same face twice. Maybe this was your second chance with him, to start over again. But at the same time, you knew it would be foolish. The man in front of you was a complete stranger, not Hoseok. For all you know, he could be completely different than your long lost fianceé.

Shutting the book, he nodded. “This is perfect.”

Shaking you from your thoughts, you nodded. “Great. I’ll ring you up over here.” Walking back towards the cash register, you both fell into a silence as you rang him up. “Alright, here you go,” you smiled, handing him the book.

“Thank you so much.” Cookbook and receipt in hand, he made his way towards the front door. He couldn’t go just yet, there was something you needed to know.

“Wait!” You called out right as he placed his hand on the door. “If you don’t mind me asking, what’s your name?”

That brilliant smile played on his lips again as he responded. “Jung Hoseok.”

[shihalyfie]

Shiramine Nokia, and her role in Cyber Sleuth’s narrative

This one’s on request! Cyber Sleuth is quite the interesting game and a rather landmark entry in the franchise, mainly for being a love letter to the franchise and its long history itself, and for being the franchise’s very first work exclusively aimed at adults, meaning that it can explore different topics that wouldn’t normally be Sunday morning timeslot material, while also being a little more willing to assume that the people playing this are familiar with a lot of older parts of the franchise (not that it’s advisable to have complete lockout, but the game benefits greatly by not needing to assume lockout by default).

One of the ways Cyber Sleuth exhibits its “franchise love letter” status is by starting off the game all the way back at the franchise’s roots, before Digimon Adventure changed the game and everyone’s perception of Digimon and Digimon partnership, when the V-Pet lore was intertwined with Digimon as elements of hard sci-fi. As the game proceeds, the atmosphere slowly starts to resemble the more fantasy-like version of the franchise established by Digimon Adventure and its follower entries -- and that change is represented in none other than Nokia herself.

Before we begin: As anyone who follows my meta work has probably noticed, I generally prefer to have my analyses use tons of references and screenshots so that it’s easy to follow and the evidence is concrete, but Cyber Sleuth is a game, and it’s much harder to get those things without replaying the entire game, so I hope this won’t be too hard to follow despite being mostly text.

Nokia’s background and personality

If we want to apply the producer’s statements on Twitter, Nokia is 17 years old at the time of Cyber Sleuth, and has a backstory of having originally been a shy, bullied child who broke out of her shell thanks to the influence of her cousin (who, of all people, happens to be none other than Date Makiko). The flashback we get with Nokia in chapter 18, however, portrays her as just a fairly cheerful, go-getter child, but (although we only get to see her hair) she’s not quite as “flashy” or in-your-face as the description entails.

A possible hypothesis for rationalizing this all together comes from a what we learn about the process of memory wiping in Cyber Sleuth chapter 14: even if memories are extracted from the person, there’s some kind of residual memory left behind (the producer’s above statement also states that the same thing had even happened to Suedou). In Hacker’s Memory chapter 16, Arata confesses to Ryuji that the first Under Zero incident and Jude's loss to the Knightmon had re-triggered his trauma from having lost Yuugo years prior -- “not the memory, but the feeling.” So in other words, there was some feeling of loss that came after the loss of Yuugo that impacted those involved -- and it’s very possible that this deeply impacted and traumatized Nokia as well.

Assuming we’re still following this line of thought (since, again, this background point wasn’t actually in the game proper), Nokia eventually decided to break out of her shell thanks to Makiko’s influence, and become eccentric and assertive, and thus, the game begins.

While we’re here, I also want to point out that Nokia is also voiced by Han Megumi, possibly the Digimon franchise’s most notorious “promoted fangirl” who freaked out after getting to meet her childhood characters’ voice actors while cast as Airu in the Xros Wars crossover and ended up casted in a handful of major Digimon roles thereafter as a result. Which is not to say that her voice performance wasn’t also absolutely perfect for the bright and aggressive Nokia, but, you know...considering the below analysis, food for thought.

Nokia as a representative of “the conventional franchise”

Cyber Sleuth opens on a world where Digimon are largely seen as hacker programs, and even the hackers themselves only see them as non-sentient programs; there are ones like Chitose who treat them with empathy, but his attitude seems to be kindness towards them in a way not entirely unlike a family would treat a Roomba. Although he doesn’t admit to it at first, Arata himself also comes from this “world” of hackers, and we later learn that Yuuko herself is as well (via her “Yuugo” persona), meaning that, other than the playable protagonist, Nokia is the only “outside-context” person -- a completely ordinary civilian who’s gotten dragged into all of this.

Much like, say, the protagonists of Digimon Adventure.

With this background behind her, once she’s thrown into the world of hackers, she immediately has a “fateful encounter” with Agumon and Gabumon, instantly recognizable as two of the franchise’s most prominent Digimon (and complete with their Adventure voice actors, too). And I do especially bring up Adventure specifically, because while Nokia’s position in the game does end up taking in certain elements that roughly came around that era and possibly slightly predated it (mostly Digimon World and V-Tamer), Agumon and Gabumon weren’t particular mascots of the franchise until Adventure basically blew everything to pieces.

Right off the bat, Nokia does not have a single shred of doubt that Agumon and Gabumon are living beings and should be treated as such (again, much like the protagonists of Digimon Adventure; even Taichi in his “is this a game?” mode never doubted this). And they open up their meeting with this conversation:

Agumon: Umm, who are you? Nokia: It... It can talk?! It's so... so... so adoooooorable! M-M-M-M-My name's Nokia. What're your names? Agumon: Me? My name is Agumon! Gabumon: I... I'm Gabumon. Nokia: Agumon and Gabumon? Hee hee! What weird names! Gabumon: Hey, they're not weird! Agumon: You're the one with the weird name! Nokia: As if! My name's not weird! Hee hee!

And on top of that, Agumon refers to Nokia as having a “familiar” scent. Remember this for later.

Nokia’s second encounter with Agumon and Gabumon in Cyber Sleuth chapter 3 involves her properly partnering herself with Agumon and Gabumon, and learning about the existence of the “Digital World”. Note that, for all intents and purposes, EDEN had been treated like the functional equivalent of the Digital World in this narrative up until this point -- cyberspace with hackers, coming from the network, it’s basically a “digital world” from top to bottom, and yet here Agumon and Gabumon are introducing the concept of a more fantasy-esque incarnation of a digital world. (And, in fact, despite EDEN being right there, many long-time Digimon fans playing this game often complained about how little you get to see the “Digital World” in this game, because of how associated that term is with something more fantasy-like.) So, again: here we have Nokia, who’s forming a partnership with Agumon and Gabumon as equals instead of recruiting them as hacker tools (even the protagonist wasn’t immune to this method), and being indirectly responsible for introducing the more fantasy-like concept of the Digital World that the modern franchise is currently associated with.

Nokia embarks on the conventional shounen anime character arc of starting off cowardly, but eventually learning to have her own inner strength, with her Digimon evolving in accordance to her emotions. And, eventually, in Cyber Sleuth chapter 8, she decides to form her own hacker team, called the “Rebels”. She ostensibly bases it off the old creed of Jude, having heard that they were a team that never caused trouble for others, but we later learn via Arata turning out to have been its former leader, and the even later portrayal in Hacker’s Memory of its spiritual successor Hudie, that this is an extremely rose-colored image of them -- Jude (and Hudie) was not a well-intentioned team by any means, but rather a sort of mercenary group meant to enforce the “freedom” of EDEN, often taking on shady jobs and “punishing” entities they considered to be causing chaos. But in this case, Nokia forms her team under the idea of legitimately fighting for justice and good will -- again, much like a Digimon Adventure protagonist.

In case the metaphor weren’t clear enough, Nokia decides that the members of her group will not be called “hackers”, but “Tamers” -- the same lingo used by the franchise to refer to a human who partners alongside a Digimon to help them get stronger -- and that she wants to promote the idea of humans and Digimon working in tandem (complete with emotional bonding exercises). For this, everyone looks at her weird, and yet her methodology, initially naive as it seems, keeps working, because Nokia’s natural charisma starts bringing people from different places together and making quite the formidable team. Everyone is perplexed by this, but perhaps it’s only natural, because Nokia has just independently invented the modern concept of Digimon partnership in a world where it did not exist. And this is eventually solidified by the Under Zero invasion in Cyber Sleuth chapter 10, in which Omegamon is finally formed (from sheer guts on her part).

Omegamon is yet another symbol of the modern franchise, but it’s important to remember that he hasn’t always been so; even his appearance in V-Tamer was as more of a tactical piece than any kind of game-breaker, but the impact of Our War Game! has led him to constantly make a resurgence in major franchise roles (maybe a little too much these days). However, on top of Nokia basically embodying the modern franchise itself by doing this, Nokia and Arata’s positions are an obvious reference to Our War Game! in particular, being Omegamon and Diablomon Tamers -- but they’re not seen directly fighting each other. In fact, Arata’s partner only ever reaches Diablomon when he’s at the highest point of his morality, so the reference is more ideological; Nokia represents the more idealistic and heroic side of Digimon, whereas Arata represents the more dirty-playing and cynical hard sci-fi side of it (remember that Diablomon himself was rather detached from the fantasy conflict of Adventure, being a mysterious entity that sprouted out of nowhere on the Internet and wreaked havoc). Moreover, Nokia’s usage of Omegamon embodies a theme that’s central to both Our War Game! and Cyber Sleuth itself as a whole -- while most people associate Omegamon with Taichi and Yamato these days, the original method of formation back in Our War Game! came from “bringing people from different places together”. Nokia managed to bring together a formidable army in a place where everyone else in the hacker world was trying to promote a dog-eat-dog philosophy, and the sense of cooperation is arguably making her stronger than anyone else.

(I should also point out that Nokia’s name is, obviously, a reference to the Finnish telephone communications company, and this has a lot of relevance to the game’s theme of connection, along with her phone Digivice...and, also, the method used to bring everyone’s powers together in Our War Game!’s spiritual successor, Diablomon Strikes Back. Feels a bit too on-the-nose here.)

In the second half of the game, when the world starts falling apart due to the Digital World portal opening, Nokia becomes one of most important people holding everything together as Arata goes off the deep end and Yuuko starts fixating on her own personal problems and revenge -- because she’s the one most in tune with treating Digimon as the living beings they are, she’s most active in advocating for them and helping them bond with humans, and and she’s the one making the chaos be a little less chaotic. The second half is basically the more fantasy-esque version of Digimon leaking into the sci-fi, with the sidequests progressively resembling your average Digimon anime monster-of-the-week episode, and holding that all together is Nokia, who becomes a vital figure in maintaining that fellowship by being in tune with the modern franchise’s philosophy.

Through all of this, Nokia ends up taking a role rather similar to a Digimon protagonist, which is highlighted very strongly in Cyber Sleuth chapter 18 when she ends up literally becoming the player character while the main protagonist is out of commission. During that time, Yuuko and Nokia learn the truth of what happened during the EDEN incident eight years prior -- and we also learn that the five children involved had an extremely conventional “first meeting in the Digital World” experience that could have been pulled right out of the first episode of a Digimon anime, with them having a lovely adventure meeting new creatures. And at the center of that “first contact” was none other than Nokia, Agumon, and Gabumon themselves:

Agumon: Um... who are you? Nokia: Ahem! I am Nokia! And just who are you? Agumon: Me? My name is Agumon! Gabumon: I... I'm Gabumon. Nokia: Agumon and Gabumon? Hee hee! What weird names! Gabumon: Hey, they're not weird! Agumon: You're the one with the weird name! Nokia: As if! My name's not weird! Hee hee!

Nokia, Agumon, and Gabumon’s meeting at the beginning of the game had been an (accidental) reenactment of their first meeting in the Digital World eight years prior -- and, in the flashback, Nokia invites them to go on an “adventure” with them. So in other words, Nokia getting involved in the hacker conflict at the beginning of the game was, unknown to all of them, her attempting to restore that beauty and idealism of the Digimon Adventure-esque philosophy and fun in a world where the Eaters had torn it away and EDEN had turned into a haven of cynicism and hacker battle royale.

In the end, the game’s conflict is only resolved by bringing everyone together; Arata has to be retrieved from the deep end, and Yuuko has to settle her deep-seated personal grievances. Everyone makes a promise to return together, in the sense of making things right and repairing the connections between them that had been cut in that incident. The final battle (momentarily) causes the playable protagonist to literally fall apart, and the one reaching out to them and sending her message to them at the end of the game is none other than Nokia herself -- again, in the absence of the game’s protagonist, Nokia is the one with the closest role, because in the face of the new world going forward, she was the one who contributed most to restoring its idealism.

Ultimately, all of this is especially because Cyber Sleuth works under one of the most terrifying imaginable premises for a fan of a kids’ franchise: “we made an entry for this, but for adults.” Many of us can testify that this kind of premise can go very well, or very badly -- the latter especially in the case of things that decide “taking the opportunity to do things that you can’t do on a Sunday morning kids’ timeslot” means “going out of your way to put edgy violence and sexy things and cynicism just because you can”, or, in other words, looking down condescendingly on its kids’ franchise roots with malice and deciding that something for adults means “more suffering” and not “issues that require more life experience to understand”. The reason the game ended up getting as much acclaim among longtime Digimon fans as it did was that despite being the franchise’s first venture into this territory, it did end up setting itself up as something that took that opportunity to do something new and unique that would have never made it into any of the prior entries (holy hell the doll quest) and yet never gave up on the idealism and themes of connection that make up the franchise at its core, and paid respect to everything that had contributed to all of that while it was at it.

And at the center of that is Shiramine Nokia, who is effectively the spirit of Digimon Adventure, condensed into a single character.

[luverofralts]

Arkhelios University

Things were definitely changing in Arkhelios. Zane had never really left the mortal plane after he had been summoned, and the new maid at the Hydes house had blood red eyes. This wasn’t Salem Bellamy’s Arkhelios anymore and Wanda was proud of her own part in this change. After all that Salem and Abraham and Giovanni had built up over the years, the small cracks in Arkhelios’ foundation had finally deepened into open fissures, prompting change. The real Arkhelios was revealing itself after its founders deaths, and it was a place that didn’t choose to limit itself to the narrow view of old men.

It was a long way from being as diverse or accepting as Strangetown or Pleasantview, but Wanda knew they’d get there someday. She didn’t hide her powers anymore or carefully look over her shoulder for judgemental eyes. People came to her for help in their own magical studies, and Abe practically treated her like a transport service when he needed help following his beloved demon hybrid around. She had made her home a better place than when she’d been handed its leadership, and while she was extremely proud of her accomplishments, she was also eager to hand control over to someone new. New heirs were taking control of the major families, and Wanda was eager to make some heirs of her own. Now that she was convinced that Arkhelios wasn’t about to implode from jealous schemes, Wanda could look forward to getting back to her own life. Honestly, she wasn’t sure how the monarchs she had met in her time as leader carried on with all of the politics and twisted schemes for their entire lives. She was moving on as soon as she could find people who wanted to run to replace her.

When her brother called her over to his house to meet someone important, Wanda assumed that this meeting would be professional. If she was really lucky, Melvin would be introducing her to a potential successor, since she had confided in him about her professional burnout.

“Wanda,” Melvin began, looking strangely nervous for such a simple introduction. “This is-”

“Fitz Cowden, I know,” Wanda interrupted.

For a detective, he’s not very bright. I asked for a successor, not a washed up politician who couldn’t even get into office with sympathy votes. Plus, he’s way too old to run Arkhelios now. We need fresh eyes for the future.

“I’m sorry, Mr.Cowden,” Wanda began politely. “I think my brother may have misunderstood me when I asked for candidates to replace me. While I value your input on how the transfer of power should be accomplished and other topics relevant to an election, your years of experience may be better suited outside of seeking a leadership role.”

“I was about to say, ‘this is Fitz Cowden, your father’ before you rudely interrupted me,” Melvin said firmly. “I understand what you’re looking for politically, but I thought that maybe since you’re trying to progress your personal life, you might be interested in knowing your roots.”

Wanda stared at her brother, shocked not only by his words, but the casual tone he’d said them with.

So when he finds out who his father was, it’s cause for moping and sensitivity for his feelings. But suddenly, he goes digging around my family tree without my permission, and I’m just supposed to gratefully thank him? Who just brings their sister’s supposed father over without warning her? How did he even verify my paternity? And Fitz Cowden is my father? How am I supposed to feel about that? Oriana and Osbert’s hated adoptive dad?

Oriana loved to go on long tirades after a few glasses of wine about how much she hated her father and how her dear Benvolio was supposed to have saved her from the man before he died. Wanda hadn’t really interacted with Osbert much, but from what she could remember, he also didn’t speak highly of his father. Ever the politician, Wanda put on a smile, and tried to smooth over the awkwardness festering in the room.

“Mr. Cowden, do you play chess?” she asked politely, gesturing for him to sit down at the table with her. She shot a nasty look at her brother that didn’t bode well for him. There were going to be words between them after Mr. Cowden had gone.

“I don’t think you played that situation right,” Sheldon stated, pulling Melvin into their bedroom to regroup and strategize their next moves. “Why did you think that just presenting this news to her without warning would be what she needed?”

“Because she’s considering trying to start a family,” Melvin replied. “She was already worried about being related to Hunter because she didn’t know who her father was, and since that DNA test came back with them not being related, she’s been stuck wondering just who she is related to. You can see it plain as day on her face. She was suffering, and I couldn’t stand to watch it anymore. At least she can meet her father while he’s still alive. I’ll never get that chance. I did her a favour. The name was right in front of us anyway. If she ever needed her long form birth certificate, Mom put down Fitz’s name right on it. Probably to blackmail him if he ever did become an elected official, knowing Mom.”

“I’m not sure that Wanda will agree with you that what you did was a favour,” Sheldon said, crossing his arms sternly. “You should have told her first and let her decide what she was comfortable with.”

“If I waited for Wanda to be comfortable, this meeting would never happen,” Melvin argued. “She’s been promising for ages to look into her past, but she never acts on it. She says she wants kids, but wants to know her roots first. We’re not getting any younger, Sheldon. She’s finally ready to step down from running Arkhelios. This is the time for her to confront her past to move on to the future. She needed a nudge.”

“I really don’t think that this counts as a nudge,” Sheldon replied. “More like a shove. It may be in your best interest to swing by the mall later to pick up an apology card and a decent bottle of wine. You two never fight, and I’d hate for that to change after today.”

Wanda looked across the board at the man who was apparently her father. There wasn’t a strong resemblance between them, and Wanda would never have guessed out of everyone in Arkhelios, that he would be related to her. She’d always sort of assumed that her father had visited from somewhere and left without knowing her mother was pregnant. He clearly couldn’t be a resident of Arkhelios, since everyone knew the private business of everyone else here. He would have known that Peggy was pregnant and tried to be in Wanda’s life. Hunter had always been depressed, thinking that his birth parents abandoned him, and had felt lost not knowing his origins. Wanda was content to leave her own father in her concocted fantasy, somewhere far away, completely ignorant of her existence.

There was nothing fantastical about Fitz Cowden. He had always enjoyed politics like Wanda, but unlike his daughter, he was a failure at it. He was a sad, lonely failure no one had ever wanted to vote for. Now, he was also her father.

Just make polite conversation until the game is over and then leave. Invent some kind of emergency if you have to. This isn’t happening. Your father lives in a far away land and doesn’t know about you. Mom was just too much for him to want to stay. Melvin and Zane’s fathers lived in Arkhelios. Yours still lives far away from here.

Abe hadn’t meant to fall asleep waiting for Roman to come home, but after a long night shift, and some cranky kids, he was exhausted.

It was becoming far too common to find a note from Roman giving weak reasons for his frequent absences. Most of the reasons he gave all too often turned out to be lies. One day he was supposedly visiting Ulyssa in Twikkii Island, when Abe had spoken with her alone in Arkhelios that same day. Roman’s favourite excuse though was something so vague, Abe couldn’t possibly check into it.

“Something’s come up with Adrian’s estate.” “I have to stay to get an evaluation done on the estate for insurance reasons.” “A pipe burst in the house and I need to wait for the repairman.” “I have to sort things out for a tour of the estate for a historical tour group.”

Lies stacked on top of other lies until Abe’s entire relationship was resting on a swaying tower built on deception. What was Roman up to really? Was he having an affair?

Abe almost wished he would walk in on Roman cheating on him with someone else at this point. It would at least give him an answer for why Roman disappeared so often. An affair just wasn’t Roman’s style though. He’d had every chance to start a new relationship after they’d broken up, but had spent so much of the time they’d been apart telling Abe how much he still loved him. Abe could barely walk two feet apart from Roman in a store without both Roman and Theo fighting to hold his hands. Both Roman and their son were possessive clingers. It was very unlikely that Roman was putting any of that energy into being with someone else.

What else could he be doing though? It was obviously something he wanted to hide, so probably something Abe would be unhappy about him doing. Abe had merely dipped his toes in the strange supernatural world that existed, and Lucy was still pretty ignorant of much of it as well. Whatever Roman was up to was probably something they could never guess at. Abe just had to keep trusting him and hoping for the best.

When Roman finally came home with a black eye and a bad mood, Abe had been terrified. Of course Roman hadn’t offered him an explanation aside from a generic “I took a wrong turn teleporting.” Abe just wanted to grab Roman by the shoulders and shake him until the truth fell out. The heir of the Bellamys was obviously not going to fold like that. Whatever secret Roman was guarding was locked in a vault even Abe couldn’t reach.

Abe didn’t know how to keep going like this. They were engaged, but some days it felt like Roman was a million miles away from him. His nightmares, which still occurred every few nights, were more violent, and intense than they’d been before, and Roman woke from them looking haunted. Before, he’d looked confused and frustrated when he awoke. Now, he seemed angrier, and desperate. Abe had a strong feeling that Roman was lying about not remembering what he’d dreamed now too.

It would be one thing if Abe could still feel the intent behind Roman’s actions, or the emotions that had to be running through his head, but with nothing but silence from Roman, it was getting harder to trust that his intentions were good. Roman had made great strides in not becoming the sociopath his grandfather wanted him to be, but his decision making abilities had never really been strong.

How did Abe even start to confront all of Roman’s lies? His own parents hadn’t really shown him how to navigate a successful marriage and Roman’s family was a trash fire that could be seen from space when it came to relationships. Salem and Malika had successfully run their marriage with blind trust, or so it seemed from what Abe had seen. Salem had ambitions that Malika supported, and Malika took actions that she didn’t explain to her husband, and he supported her unconditionally. He’d trusted and loved his wife so much that he had died shortly after her after trying in vain to run his life without her.

Was that the kind of marriage Roman was trying to emulate? Would Abe’s life really be letting Roman read cards to determine whatever monstrous action needed to be taken, and just blindly trusting that Roman knew best? Would he really be happy letting Roman lie to him, and trust that Roman knew what he was doing? Abe wasn’t sure he could live like that. Roman was often cocky, but he was no Malika. The Roman he knew broke down at the pet store trying to choose between four brands of dog food.

Abe didn’t want to start a fight, but if they were really going to get married, he needed to figure out some things first.

[fandomfixationstation]

Warning: mention of death of a loved one.

Todays concept is MC gets a call that like their parental figure has died one way or another and this upsets them greatly because one, they aren’t there to help with anything two, the only people there to do anything are their siblings three, they considered said parent a angel or a blessing by god (optional/bonus points if said parents name means angel-)  They don’t say anything at first though they seem rather angry and now one can figure out why. then they hide and have a mental breakdown to cry in hopefully but unlikely peace.  now I shall write the response headcanons / scenarios or whatever I will do Update: well I didn’t write a scenario / short story bit for all of them because i ran out of energy to do so and then i never went back to it, though if anyone begs or askes nicely I could in theory maybe work something out. this was something self indulgent and was something i wrote to really get me out of a bad headspace.  Lucifer

He is the first one to realize something is wrong, especially if they aren’t a very angry person. 

probably doesn’t get to ask about what is going on because he is forced to deal with something else and rather quickly

though when people start inquiring where they went after lunch, finding it unlikely that they would randomly choose to skip class or something he makes his goal to find them.

Probably doesn’t take him long to find them after he starts looking. gets it in the first three guesses of where they are hiding.

“why are you hiding here with Cerberus?” Lucifer said with a bit of amusement. he figured he would find them here with his dog. just not curled up and cuddling. 

“wouldn’t you like to know” was all they uttered out, having no real energy to argue, or fight. though it was clear they had been crying their eyes out. 

“well something is clearly upsetting you, why not talk about it. nobody else is here to listen in” Lucifer offers to lend an ear to listen to their problems. he was also hoping that by doing so he could get to the root of the problem and deal with it. expecting that he was going to have to knock one of his brothers into line again. 

“I just received some bad news. that’s all. also, I’ll be otherwise located Friday, so like, don’t worry if I’m not around on Friday, I will be back like Saturday, so there is that” They explain, clearly not wanting to get into the details of the so called bad news.  

“otherwise located?” Lucifer inquired as to what the hell they meant by that. 

“yeah, um, I will be visiting - visiting the human world for the day.” visiting might not be the word they were looking for but it was the word they went with nonetheless. 

“your visiting the human world?” Lucifer was surprised to say the least. especially considering he wasn’t hearing about this till now. 

“yeah, i was talking to Diavolo not long ago to make sure it was alright” with a sigh the were back to melting into the side of the dog. 

“normally you are excited to visit the human world, what happened” lucifer wanted to get to the root of the misery they were feeling and he wasn’t gonna sweep this under the rug.

“for fuck sakes, you really aren’t gonna leave me alone till I say it huh? my parent fucking died. are you fucking happy, lucifer? Jesus Christ.” doing everything in their power to hold back a second wave of tears as they add on “my blessing of a parent died. can we drop the topic now?” they said clearly not wanting to hear anything come out of lucifer's mouth as they hardly give him the chance to speak. 

“ah, I see, my condolences” Lucifer was trying to figure out what to say at the same time he was trying to figure out how to cheer them up or at least make them more comfortable. “do you want some Kleenex? how about some water?” lucifer inquired simply.

“water would be nice.” they let out a sigh. 

“im sure your parent was a lovely person. I think it is safe to assume that they’ll end up somewhere where they are safe and happy” Lucifer states simply as he holds a hand out to them to help them to their feet.

“I have no doubts about it. so you don’t need to tell me twice. it just. . . hurts” They says rather quietly. Accepting lucifer’s hand and pulling themself to their feet. 

”go take a seat in my office, no one will bother you in there. I’ll join you soon enough with your glass of water.”  Mammon

This man probably thinks he did something wrong, spends half the day trying to figure out what he did

if its not that he is trying to figure out who pissed them off and who he should be yelling at.

he hates to admit it but he doesn’t like seeing them angry or upset. 

is probably gonna be first to realize that they slipped of to somewhere and start trying to find them right away. 

after checking a few other areas, Mammon finally considers they might have just gone home to hide. knocking on their door and slowly opening it mammon calls out into the room “Oi, human are you in here?”. 

“Go away Mammon” they were heard but very muffled as they had encased themselves in several blankets, clearly sounding like they were crying. unless they choose to eat gravel or something. 

“what’s got you so bumbed out?” Mammon said fully entering the room now know that they were in the room and completely ignoring their request to go away. 

“I said go away, I don’t want to talk about it” They said pulling the pillow to their head in hopes to block out more of the world. so that they didn’t have to look up and face the fact they were a hot mess. so mammon didn’t have to see them like this.

“no! the great mammon isn’t leaving till you say what's bothering you! that way I can fix it for you!” Mammon declared boldly. goofy grin on his face hoping that his optimism would help cheer them up. 

“you can’t fix this. you cant bring back the dead. well unless you use necromancy, but. that's never worked out” They had let out a dry laugh for saying all of this. but now they were holding back tears trying to not cry their heart out for a second time.

“oh human...” Mammon was at a loss of words, though to be fair he didn’t get the time to form a full sentence. 

“I’ll never get them back. they were practically an angel” they sniffled, trying to not sob. “my parent died mammon. what the fuck am I going to do?” they didn’t really expect an answer from mammon. 

“Listen here, the great mammon will deal with all the technical talk, and will make sure you can go to the human world long enough for you to do what you need to. but till then and maybe after, I’ll be here for you.” mammon explained simply. 

after letting out a chocked sob they reached out a hand and grabbed onto mammon's arm. “thank you” they sobbed out. mammon just sat there and patted the blanket pile gently trying to give as much comfort as he could. 

“do you want a hug?”

“please-”

Leviathan

since he hides away and does online classes (Correct me if im wrong) he might not even realize something is going on

unless he messages them and doesn’t get a response. 

will ask if the others have seen them and like will try to figure out where they were last seen.

eventually puzzles together that something is wrong and he should look for them

Satan

He although wrathful himself, isn’t able to see through the anger and might be a little annoyed about them for being so.

though he does understand that there is probably a reason for them being upset. he’ll do his best to figure out what caused them to act this way.

he’s stubborn and straight forward, he’ll probably be direct and ask what is wrong and wont leave till he gets an answer.

or he might occasionally bring it up and keep getting updates with how their doing kind of thing.

doesn’t really have to seek for them when they hide away because he watched them slip away and got worried and followed them

Asmodeus 

he is very quick to realize something more is going on, something more than meets the eye. 

probably doesn’t directly do anything at first other than same some sugar coated words in hopes it cheers them up.

when that doesn’t work, he gets very worried and tries to convince them to do somethings to ‘take your mind off of things’ 

knows exactly where to look to find them. first try!

Beelzebub

one of two ways, he either doesn’t notice anything for the first little bit, or he has a strange feeling nagging him that something is wrong and he tries to figure out what.

once its clear that they’ve disappeared he is quick to start looking, might take a while to find them because he is gonna check everywhere to find them.

bear hugs no questions asked, will try to comfort to the best of his abilities. 

will ask them what they want to do after a while to see what he can do to make them feel better

Belphegor

tbh honest probably knows something is up right away. 

with either avoid it entirely or bluntly ask what is wrong

if he doesn’t get a direct answer or is shooed away he doesn’t have the energy to push for the truth, might be a bit annoyed.

once he hears that they have gone missing it probably wont take him long to find them. 

will sit down next to them and be like ‘now will you tell me what is wrong?’

Solomon

since he doesn’t have the same amount of time with them he may not notice at first. or he does notice ASAP because holy shit what happened why are they so mad.

might try to inquire what is wrong and like use his natural charm to try to cheer them up. 

when he hears they are lost or missing ect. he uses magic to find them as quickly as possible. 

will do a bunch of considerably silly and goofy things trying to get them to smile or laugh before trying to get them to talk about whats bothering them

Simeon 

doesn’t take him long to figure out something is wrong, just one look and he knows

but other wise, he’ll simply ask if you want to talk about it. when bluntly rejected he’ll leave them alone

they go missing during the day? maybe it was worse than he first realized, he’ll go looking for them.

will find them within the hour, maybe a half hour if he’s lucky. 

mans will try to comfort them any way he can.

_____________________________________________________________ sorry, for not doing Diavolo, luke and barbatos, i just didn’t really have the time to do them nor could i figure out how to do ones for them so like aihogdsifh sorry. but i do hope you enjoy this post nonetheless. 

[nevermindirah]

Non-Jewish friends, y’all might be wondering right now: Israel is doing clearly unacceptable shit to Palestinians. So, why are some Jews ardent Zionists, and why do some Jews seem to feel personally attacked by criticism of Israel?

A lot of (non-Palestinian) non-Jews have asked me where I stand on Israel/Palestine over the years, apropos of nothing, just because I’m Jewish. For the longest time I felt so stuck because I just didn’t know much about Israel/Palestine and what little I did know turned out to be largely misinformation and I felt so much pressure to say The Correct Thing That All Jews Should Say About This Issue. Obviously the violence Israel is committing against Palestinians is horrific and the interpersonal weirdness individual Jews might experience as people discuss Israel’s horrific violence doesn’t compare. I’m making this post as a small supplement to the important conversations going on about what Israel is doing to Palestinians in East Jerusalem, Gaza, and the West Bank, as well as Palestinian citizens of Israel and Palestinian refugees and their descendants living outside land Israel controls. I’m making this post because non-Jews might be feeling confused by conflicting messages about Zionism as either settler colonialism or Jewish self-determination. It sucks feeling like you have to choose only one oppressed group or another. It’s possible to support Palestinian liberation and Jewish liberation at the same time! Here’s some context that might help.

Palestinian friends will probably want to ignore this post, y’all shouldn’t have to deal with your oppressors’ feelings, and especially not right now.

Zionism is the ideology behind the devastating violence Israel is committing against Palestinians right now and has been committing against Palestinians since 1947-48. It’s heartbreaking and messy to talk about this reality, because Zionism originated as a strategy to protect Jews from antisemitism.

Any oppressed group can turn into oppressors under enough pressure, because humans are flawed. Jews fleeing antisemitism turning into Israelis ethnically cleansing Palestinians happened because Zionism is profoundly influenced by its time and place of origin: 19th century Europe.

Europe invented antisemitism, and basically every European country has done at least one very very bad structural antisemitism, like expelling all the country's Jews (the monarch and/or the church then stole all the wealth the expelled people had to leave behind), looking the other way when peasants murdered a bunch of Jews as an outlet for their frustration with the actual (non-Jewish) ruling class, banning Jews from owning property or holding certain jobs or being members of guilds etc, and of course the big horrific state-sponsored mass-murder operations the Inquisition and the Holocaust. From the 1790s through the 19th century different European governments emancipated their Jews, ie removed legal barriers to full citizenship and economic participation. But this didn't end antisemitism. Just like the legal improvements of the 19th and 20th centuries didn't end antiblackness in the United States.

Also happening in this time: nationalism swept Europe. From the French Revolution through the end of World War I, Europe’s predominant form of government transformed from multiethnic empires to nation-states, countries led by and for a particular ethnic group.

So this Austro-Hungarian dude Theodor Herzl came up with this idea for Jewish nationalism. Every other European ethnic group is getting their own country, so why not Jews? Maybe this is the solution to antisemitism! Maybe we’ll finally be safe if we just all move en masse out of Europe to a place that will take all of us and never expel us!

But also also happening in Europe and around the world in this time: European imperialism and white supremacist settler colonialism. Chattel slavery saw its height and then its end (legally, at least) during this era, but white supremacy entrenched itself across the planet in post-slavery economic practices and cultural imperialism as well as national and international laws.

I believe countries have a moral obligation to take in as many refugees as they can squeeze in. International law protecting refugees has evolved a lot over the past century, but we’re still devastatingly far from every refugee getting a safe place to call home, and the main reason for that is white supremacy. The Biden administration didn’t undo the Trump administration’s horrifically low cap on refugees until like last week and it’s because Democratic party leaders treat centrist white people as more valuable voters than the huge and growing numbers of people of color, immigrants, LGBT people, unmarried women, and working class people who want to vote for elected leaders who get that nobody’s free until we’re all free. Ahem. Back to the topic at hand, the US and many other countries turned away untold numbers of refugees fleeing the fucking Holocaust, so odds are slim they’d be more welcoming in less desperate times. Moving from places where Jews are an unwanted minority to places where Jews are still a minority and either still unwanted or little understood and unlikely to win revolutionary levels of support from a largely non-Jewish public seems like a bad plan.

In the mid to late 19th century, lots of Jews took the kernel of Zionism and ran with it in different directions. Maybe this ideology could mean Jewish cultural flourishing alongside stronger political/economic integration into the societies where we’re already living! Maybe it could mean a particular kind of socialism that advocates for the liberation of Jews both as Jews and as workers! Maybe it could mean a revitalization of Jewish religious practice both in Jerusalem where we have important heritage sites and everywhere we live across the world!

Eventually Herzl’s vision of Zionism won out over the others: Jewish nationalism in the sense of a Jewish nation-state, a country that has a Jewish demographic majority and/or that legally privileges Jews over non-Jews.

Problem is, if you want to do that, you have to find a piece of land on which to do it, and Earth was already a pretty crowded place a hundred years ago. Many locations were considered, and the one that ended up winning that debate was Palestine. Where a shit ton of people, mostly non-Jews, were already living. They were forming their own nationalist movement at the time: in the waning days of the Ottoman Empire they began to organize for local self-determination in Palestine.

The Herzl types who developed Zionism as an ideology and built institutions to advocate for and create a Jewish ethnostate in Palestine were a small subset of European Jews, mostly men, mostly with significant economic privilege within what Jews were able to achieve in their particular societies at the time. They were just as Orientalist as the non-Jews around them, just as antiblack, just as racist generally for all that Jews were (and sometimes still are) considered non-white in much of Europe. They had a cool idea (put a lot of effort into something that could protect Jews from antisemitism) floating in a bathtub full of shit, and they did practically nothing to protect the cool idea from absorbing that shit. Results of this include thinking about the millions of people already living in Palestine as if they were either like the rocks and the trees that will go with the flow and accept a new ruling class, or indistinct Arabs who would just leave for other Arab countries because what could be the difference — in the staggeringly small amount of time they considered the existing residents of Palestine at all.

This racist hand-waving extended to Zionist leaders’ attitudes about Jews outside Europe as well. White Jews in settler colonies like the US were largely anti-Zionist at the time (not wanting their own countries to accuse them of dual loyalty was a common reason) but European Zionist leaders took what help they could get from Jews in the US, South Africa, Australia, etc. Jews across the Middle East and North Africa, however, barely heard from Zionist leaders about any of this until Zionist militias had removed enough Palestinians from the land and it was time to repopulate it with whichever Jewish bodies were convenient. You might have heard "all the Arab countries expelled their Jews in 1948" but lots of first-person accounts tell a different story of Israel coercing Jews who’d lived securely for a long time in places like Morocco to immigrate to Israel and then confiscating their passports and forcing them to live on less-fertile land with fewer resources while serving as a buffer between Palestinians and European Jewish immigrants. Ella Shohat is the best-known writer on Israeli racism against non-European Jews and I strongly recommend Sephardim in Israel: Zionism from the Perspective of Its Jewish Victims as a starting point to learn more about this.

Which brings us to today. We still haven’t eradicated antisemitism, several European governments that did a lot of structural antisemitism they still haven’t made meaningful reparations for get to feel good about themselves for “giving the Jews a state” as if carving up the former Ottoman Empire was up to them and not the people who lived there, and millions of people across the world who previously either lived peacefully enough alongside Jews or hadn’t really thought about us much at all now have very valid reasons to be pissed at this country that claims it represents all of us.

Zionism was supposed to protect Jews from antisemitism. And Israel has saved Jewish lives! But if we hadn’t sunk the past 70+ years into an ethnostate we could’ve been putting that energy into other political and economic activity to create adequate international support for refugees while we work on ending root causes of refugee crises, like antisemitism, racism, climate change, and capitalism. Meanwhile Zionism has killed, maimed, incarcerated, stolen from, traumatized, and erased the history of millions of Palestinians just because they happened to be living on land that some dudes who had a lot more in common with Thomas Jefferson and Donald Trump than with you or me decided needed to be cleansed for a Jewish ethnostate.

White nationalists in the US love Israel because they want American Jews to go away. Fascist leaders across Europe love Israel for the same reason, so much so that Israel’s prime minister is buddy-buddy with Trump and the equivalent shitstains of several European far-right parties. And I don’t know what it’s like in other white supremacist countries that are close allies of Israel, but the overwhelming majority of Zionist lobbying that pushes the US to give so much aid to Israel comes from Evangelical Christians, because they believe all the Jews have to be in the Holy Land for Jesus to come back. No thanks.

This whole thing fucking sucks. Jews and Palestinians, like all human beings, deserve to be free. Many Jews are understandably afraid of what might happen next if Israel decided to give up on ethnonationalism, allow Palestinian refugees to return, make reparations, and establish a pluralistic democracy that represents and protects all its residents — will some Palestinians murder Jews in revenge? That’s genuinely fucking scary. And it’s genuinely fucking scary to be a Palestinian in Israel/Palestine, and has been for over 70 years. We’ve gotta do something different. I say that as a white person sitting on land stolen from Piscataway people who has thought in detail about what portion of my income would be reasonable for my government to tax in order to fund reparations for the descendants of enslaved people.

Ok. One final piece of context before I wrap this up.

Most Jewish institutions in the US are explicitly Zionist, teach children that Zionism is THE way to ensure Jewish safety, and increasingly tell non-Zionist Jews that we're unwelcome or even that we’re not “real” Jews. This comes in a context where it’s only been 76 years since the latest and most gruesome of several attempts to wipe our entire people off the face of the planet. If you grew up in that environment, you, too, might be jumpy about even hearing the words Zionism or Israel, let alone considering the devastation this ideology and country have caused Palestinians.

Jews have a right to exist. Jews have a millennia-old connection to this scrap of land in the Levant, and we have a right to access religiously and culturally important geographic landmarks. What we don't have a right to is murdering or expelling other people in order to make an ethnostate, on that land or any other. Zionism is settler colonialism, but it’s settler colonialism by and for people who have a valid need for protection from structural antisemitism, which means that it’s going to take a lot of messy empathy to undo. The members of my extended family who voted for Trump (non-Jews in my case, though Jared Kushner isn’t the only Jewish Trumpite) are afraid that ending white supremacy will demote them from a privileged class to equal footing with everyone else — that’s the kind of fear individuals work on in therapy, not the kind that’s reasonable for a whole society to prevent from happening. I and millions of Jews do deserve for whole societies to work hard to end antisemitism.

I would never and will never ask a Palestinian to gently request their liberation. But if you’re not Palestinian, and you’ve got a little extra empathy to spare this week, I ask you to remember what I’ve shared here when interacting with Jews about Israel/Palestine.

If you’re a fellow Jew reading this and you feel like Israel is the only way to guarantee our safety, all I ask of you is to sit with the idea that what Israel is doing to Palestinians is too high a cost for safety that’s still not guaranteed, and start to imagine real-world ways we can protect our people from antisemitism without an ethnostate.

I made this post for people who know me (or know of me I guess?) in Old Guard and Cap fandom, despite my better judgment, because talking about Jewish Booker and Jewish Bucky and Jewish Natasha makes me so happy and I think some of the people I love on these characters with might appreciate this perspective. I didn’t provide any links in this post on purpose (to decrease its usefulness, so fewer people will reblog it) because the risk of anon hate when talking about Zionism outside my immediate fandom circles is so high. You’re welcome to reblog this post if you find it helpful! Unless you’re not within a few concentric circles of me, in which case, maybe don’t? If seeing this post makes you want to send me anon hate, no need: many people who share your perspective have already done so on Twitter.

Reliable sources on all this info are a few googles away, and I apologize for the things I know I oversimplified as well as any things I might have misremembered. I’m an American who’s never lived in Israel/Palestine who is posting this on my fandom blog.

TL;DR: This is a short ‘n pithy post about the same idea.

TL;DR, fandom edition: The shortest distillation of this anti-Zionist Jew’s feelings on the matter can be found in segment 4 of Five Times Booker Got Wasted on Purim and One Time He Didn’t.