#you'd think i'd be used to seeing his actual name but when i read it somewhere new my brain needs a second

[andy-clutterbuck]

𝐀𝐧𝐝𝐲 𝐚𝐭 𝐒𝐚𝐯𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚𝐡 𝐌𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐃𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝟗, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟐 𝐢𝐧 𝐋𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐧

[ddejavvu]

Can i request a hot interrogator but w spencer😭😭and he recognizes her symptoms of attraction and theyre both just so awkward and derek or someone else has to come in and save him

i deviated from your plotline just a teensy tiny bit and it's not as focused on how they both can read her but it is mentioned! i hope that's alright <3 also i did tag this with morgan's name because towards the end he's teasing her just as much and i'd fall to my knees for him in an instant so i think that's fair

--

You give yourself away immediately with your reaction to seeing Spencer walk in. You don't know it, but the doctor has been watching your demeanor for five minutes on the other side of the glass, and only when your eyes met his own did you become tense.

Before you'd been almost bored, but not in the overconfident way that criminals often are. You were more restlessly bored, drumming your fingers on the table and peering intently at the graffiti etched into the metal surface.

When he steps inside you straighten to greet him, but words fail you as your throat runs dry. The most handsome man you've ever seen, something straight out of a romance novel steps into the room, and something thuds to the pit of your stomach.

You're not guilty but you feel it, you feel like a criminal under his scrutinizing gaze.

"Hello, Y/N," He offers, smiling measuredly at you, "I'm Doctor Spencer Reid, I'm here to question you on what you might have witnessed earlier."

You'd been in a gas station during an armed robbery. The robber hadn't shot you, but that was only for time's sake, as putting a bullet through your chest would have taken away valuable seconds that he chose instead to use rushing out the back door and away from the sirens out front.

You'd been at the business end of a gun, but still you're more panicked now, hands lowering themselves into your lap when they show signs of trembling.

"Can you remember what the shooter looked like?" He asks.

Brown hair.

"He had brown hair," You speak for the first time since the agent's entry.

No he didn't.

He had blonde hair. The man in front of you has brown hair, tucked behind his ears endearingly.

"Or- uh, blonde. He was blonde."

"Blonde hair," He nods encouragingly, his lips a warm pinkish shade as he sits down across from you, "That's good. Do you remember how tall he was?"

Spencer is tall. He's tall even when seated, like he is now, his stature surely intimidating when compared to your own, and you blink the thought away, trying to recall where on the shelf beside him the man's shoulder had come up to.

"He was a little taller than the shelves," You recall, keeping your eyes on a rather crude word etched into the metal tabletop to keep yourself from ogling Dr. Reid, "Maybe 6'1."

"Alright, good." Spencer praises, and you feel your limbs actually melting, surely mush by now. He hesitates, placing his hands atop the cool desktop, "Y/N, I'd like to do a cognitive interview with you."

You wait for further explanation, but when it comes, you guiltily wish you had been killed earlier. Because if you were dead Doctor Spencer Reid wouldn't take your hands in his own, and tell you to close your eyes in a smooth, low voice.

"I want you to put yourself back there," He prompts, squeezing your hands gently, "But I'm right here. I know you must have been scared in the moment, but I need you to help us with this, and try to remember what his face looked like. Can you do that?"

You can't muster words, but you nod, and evidently Spencer's eyes are open to catch it. He squeezes your hands again, "Alright. You're standing in the gas station. You're getting breakfast before work. You hear shouting, then a gunshot. Where do you look?"

You look at the backs of your eyelids, desperately willing away the mental image of Spencer Reid's face.

"What do you do?"

You pray that he's not a mind-reader, that he can't hear the words 'adorable' and 'terrifying' and 'perfect' all at once.

"Y/N," He prompts, after a moment of your silence, "What do you do?"

"I can't-" Your eyes snap open, and you wrench your hands out of his grasp, "I'm- I'm sorry, I can't do this."

Spencer's hands come out to hover in front of him, a placating gesture but one that doesn't work.

"Okay, that's alright. But please- sit down," He watches warily as you stand, heading for the door like you're exiting a cafe and not a secure government facility, "Y/N, I need to ask you a few more questions-"

"Woah there," The door opens before you can reach it, but the man that shoulders his way through shows no sign of letting you out. He's tall, darker-skinned than Spencer, and broad chested, something you really don't need to think about after the hand-holding fiasco.

"We can't let you leave just yet," The man smiles sympathetically, and his hand comes to rest oh-so-naturally on your bicep as he turns you back towards the table, "I know you're freaking out; anyone would after looking into the barrel of a gun. But you're safe now, okay? And we need your help to keep other people safe. So let's sit down," The man guides you back into your chair, and you think you might have dropped straight to your knees if he'd asked you to. He keeps his large hands firmly, warmly on your shoulders, and as Spencer takes your hands in his again he squeezes them.

"Alright Pretty Boy," The man behind you speaks, and you swear you can hear a glimmer of amusement in his voice despite not being able to see his face, "On with the interview. Don't worry Y/N, we'll do this together."

[poohsources]

🐝  *  ―  𝑷𝑰𝑪𝑲 𝑼𝑷 𝑻𝑬𝑿𝑻 𝑴𝑬𝑺𝑺𝑨𝑮𝑬𝑺. 

[ 📲 message sent: ]  do you smoke pot? cause weed be cute together. [ 📲 message sent: ]  do you believe in love at first swipe or should i match with you again? [ 📲 message sent: ]  i see me in your future 🔮 [ 📲 message sent: ]  i can't see you right now but i bet you look great [ 📲 message sent: ]  can you send me a selfie? i just want to show my mom what my future partner looks like. [ 📲 message sent: ]  are you http? because without you i'm only :// [ 📲 message sent: ]  i believe in following my dreams ... so you lead the way. [ 📲 message sent: ]  should we get coffee? cause i like you a latte. [ 📲 message sent: ]  i see you like tequila ... does that mean you'll give me a shot? [ 📲 message sent: ]  you know what's beautiful? read the first word. [ 📲 message sent: ]  i bet you smiled when you saw my name pop up on your phone just now. [ 📲 message sent: ]  take a guess. which emoji did i place next to your name on my phone? [ 📲 message sent: ]  i'm sending you hugs and kisses 😘 [ 📲 message sent: ]  i just accidentally walked into a pole because i was thoughtlessly staring and smiling at your text messages. [ 📲 message sent: ]  i never believed in love at first sight until i saw your profile picture. [ 📲 message sent: ]  i do not think much. i do not think often. but when i do, i think of you. [ 📲 message sent: ]  just so you know, i'm not flirting with you. i'm just being extra nice to you since you're extra attractive. [ 📲 message sent: ]  you're so beautiful that i actually forgot that i was supposed to send you a pick-up line. [ 📲 message sent: ]  you see, i really suck at starting conversations. do you want to try? [ 📲 message sent: ]  are you free for the rest of your life? [ 📲 message sent: ]  ugh, i have to go to some boring event. will you come with me to make it fun? [ 📲 message sent: ]  hi, my name is trouble, and i'm looking for my soulmate. mind if i ask you if you have room for a little trouble in your life? [ 📲 message sent: ]  i can't figure out if i should start this conversation with a compliment, a pick-up line, or a simple hello. you choose. [ 📲 message sent: ]  they say nothing lasts forever, so will you be my nothing? [ 📲 message sent: ]  well, here i am! what are your other two wishes? 🧞 [ 📲 message sent: ]  hey, you're pretty and i'm cute. together we'd be pretty cute. [ 📲 message sent: ]  i would flirt with you, but i'd rather seduce you with my awkwardness. [ 📲 message sent: ]  when our friends ask us how we met, what are we going to tell them? funny answers only. [ 📲 message sent: ]  i had the best pickup line on the way, but i saw you and now i'm speechless. [ 📲 message sent: ]  if you were a fruit, you'd be a fineapple 🍍 [ 📲 message sent: ]  hi, i know your name is [name] but can i call you mine? [ 📲 message sent: ]  are you a bank loan? cause you have my interest. [ 📲 message sent: ]  are you religious? cause you're the answer to all my prayers. [ 📲 message sent: ]  i'm researching important dates in history. would you like to be mine? [ 📲 message sent: ]  you look like you know how to have a good time! i like it. [ 📲 message sent: ]  i know you're busy but please add me to your list of things to do. [ 📲 message sent: ]  if i told you that you had a great body would you hold it against me? [ 📲 message sent: ]  complete this sentence: you, me, and ___ [ 📲 message sent: ]  dinner first or can we go straight for dessert? [ 📲 message sent: ]  do you like sleeping? me too. we should do it together some time.

[kremlin]

"This event ends the moment you write us a check, and it better not bounce, or you're a dead motherfucker" -- Big Bill Hell

There was a time when you'd see little old ladies paying for the groceries with a hand-written personal check, holding up the line, causing an immediately-forgiven slight sense of annoyance with those behind her. Buddy. Those days are over. They've been over. What, did you think you were going to just pop a couple extra zeroes on the end of your paycheck there? Maybe scan your paycheck, open it in photoshop, make a template, print em out all nice? You think you're the first to think of that, dipshit?

It takes the law a long time to catch up with the state of the art. You're reading this on the internet, which means you never use checks. The law has caught up. Your ass will be going to prison immediately and you will see zero return.

You can't even kite checks anymore, and hell, nobody under 40 will even know what that means, due to the blazing fast, two day settlement on all ACH transactions. Let me paint you a picture.

You get paid on Friday, but it is Monday, and bills are due on Tuesday. And you're broke: $0 in the bank. Goose egg. Pop open your checkbook, go to a store, "buy" some things, write a check for the amount. The cashier takes it!

Now take those things you "bought", across town, to another store location, and return them for cold hard cash. Sweet. Bills paid. Friday rolls around, and you just make it to the bank to deposit your paycheck before it closes. After the weekend, the checks you wrote finally post, and they don't bounce! You've kited a check. You've surreptitiously taken a zero-interest loan. And we know your broke ass. The interest rate on that short-term payday loan should have been straight up usurious. We're talking 29%. That makes predatory fuckers like us horny for sex. We're so mad. Now you are going to Federal Prison. For a good minute. Fuckface.

COST: $0.10 (With banks offering free checking accounts + Bic pen)

"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor sleet, if you fuck with the mail, we'll rip your nuts off" -- Ronald Mail (Inventor of Mail)

Many people have this misnomer that the most powerful people in politics are democratically elected. The president, of the United States, of America, is a stupid cartoon hotdog. All of them, I don't care. Way less clout than you'd think. Brilliantly, it is the people that the hotdog president appoints who are actually doing anything significant. The director of the CIA. The fucking chairman of the Federal Reserve. Probably the, like, most senior, uh, general of the military, and shit too. I don't know, we don't "do" army here at Bloomberg. You probably don't even know their names! I don't! These are the ones you should be seeing in your sleep.

There's another position like that. Appointed directly by the hotdog. The Postmaster General. That's a real title. He's the CEO of the mail, and buddy, what he may lack in political power relative to the director of the CEO, he makes up in raw sexual energy. Total Tom Selleck energy. Like an airline pilot. We're talking Donald Sutherland in Invasion of the Body Snatchers. I'm tentpoling in my black business slacks just writing this, and all my Bloomberg newsroom bros are peering over my shoulder and also tent-poling. We're not gay though, and especially me, I'm probably the least gay, but sometimes I just lay awake for hours at night what that mustache would feel like pressed against my lips, the unbelievable and utter, total sense of security I'd feel burying my head into his hard chest.

You get it. He's your dad. And if you fuck with the mail, you've fucked with the tools in your dad's garage. And dad's been drinking. You're in for it, bucko, you are in trouble. Do you think the United States Postal Service actually makes any money? Hell no. It costs like five bucks to mail a box basically anywhere I can think of and they give you the boxes for free. You can just walk in the post office and take them. I do that, and then just throw them away, I don't know why, some kind of compulsion. Being able to move shit around like this, quickly, cheaply -- Jesus H, I've got a huge amount of money in my bank account, probably tens of trillions of dollars (due to financial knowledge gained from reading Bloomberg articles) and I could probably mail every single person ever something and still come out in the black.

No way pal. They've thought of that already. The Postmaster General is going to know every time, and he's going to grab you by the shirt collar, wearing his cool as fuck hat, and you're going to get your pants pulled down, and your bare ass spanke...I need to go use the restroom real quick.

We rely on the mail system to get important shit done. It's not something to be taken lightly, and it isn't. Trust me. This is why, like almost every other person who receives mail in this year 2023, I just fucking put a wastebasket under my mail slot. I don't even shred that shit anymore. I just burn it. Takes less time.

COST: $0.63 (Postal stamp)

"Can call all you want, but there's no one home // And you're not gonna reach my telephone // Out in the club, and I'm sipping that bubb // And you're not gonna reach my telephone" -- Lady Gaga

I read something wild that the children of today do not know what a dial tone is, because of how fucked up and stupid they are. Isn't that super fucked up?

While it's not really our style, allow me to fill you in on some ancient, arcane knowledge about the telephone. You can turn it on, and then you can punch in numbers. Any numbers. Random ones, or maybe not random ones. If the ten numbers you punch in are the same as the numbers in someone else's telephone number, their phone will ring, and then you are talking to them. This is called "Phreaking".

Here's the kicker: You can tell that jackass anything you want. "Oh, Hi, Yes, I am Reginald Sumpter calling from Avalon Consulting LLC, we are just following up on the invoice we sent you. Please remit to ###### routing ###### account."

BOOM! Your name isn't Reginald whatever and that company doesn't exist, but you just received a deposit. It's fucking beautiful. What have you done wrong? It isn't your responsibility to handle who your business' clients/etc are, it's their's. If they want to just pay you money for no real reason, well, that's kind of on them, isn't it? I haven't stuck a pistol in your face and demanded everything in the register.

Well, it's too clever. It's too slick. This is the United States of America. It's one thing to commit a felony like armed robbery, it's another thing to piss off someone in charge of the accounting division who uses a special bathroom you need a key to get into.

You can do it on the computer too, I use a PC Computer at work and send email, so you can see how it'd work there. You can make a document that is indifferentiable from a real invoice and, straight up, 1/3 of the time they will pay that shit. Lmfao.

It's called wire fraud because, uhh, duhhhh, there's wires. What do you think that thing is strung between the telephone receiver and the dialer? And computers? Give me a break. There's so many wires with those.

COST: $0.25 (Coin for payphone)

"People calculate too much and think too little." -- Charlie Munger

It is insane how dumb the common man can be when it comes to our world of expertise. I hear this same sentiment, like, ALL THE TIME:

"Durr hurr I will buy an insurance policy for my car or house or whatever so that in case something happens to it I will get money". And then that same person proceeds to drive safely or not burn their house down. Dumbest crap imaginable.

Let me break it down for you. Insurance is a two player competitive game. There is a winner and there is a loser. Go take out an expensive insurance policy on your American sports car. Buy a neck brace, a football helmet, and pack that bitch with throw pillows. Then get in the left lane of a major highway at like noonish, let it rip and then SLAM on your brakes. Hit from behind! Your fault! Congratulations. You have won insurance. How this gets past people is beyond me.

You can only do this once or twice before the insurance companies catch on. Then they don't want to fuck with you. It is also..I don't know man...something feels off about taking a car or a house, which like, some guy had to build and just destroying it, but that is only a weird emotional thing, since you're making money, more than whatever the destroyed thing is worth, so in reality you've built that house plus some extra. You've contributed.

COST: $106.00 (Average monthly car insurance payment)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

SUBSCRIBE TO MY WHATEVER FOR PART TWO, COMING SOON. i'll post it later today probably. whatever time frame will juice the numbers. have a sneaky peaky

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[canisalbus]

Hello! I'm not a furry either so I'm not sure how I stumbled upon your art, but I'm glad I did because I love everything you do for Machete and Vasco and I admire your art and how much effort you put in fleshing them out. They're gorgeous, and your colouring style is very pretty, too! I'd like to ask some things about them, if you don't mind.

1) Are they specific dog breeds? (I remember you said you're inspired by Borzoi fur for Machete's neck fur!)

2) Are dogs your favourite animal to draw?

3) How did you decide on their names?

The question about the names is because, fun fact: Vasco is an extremely popular football team from Rio de Janeiro, and right now they're competing in Brazil's largest football championship to become the country's champion. So I've been imagining Vasco dragging Machete to a football match and being wildly into it while Machete looks lost in the rambunctious crowd lol but also because I'd like to know if you're applying a nationality to them at all. Their clothes have picked my curiosity!

Thanks for sharing your art with us!

Ah, thank you! I'm glad you like my art and little guys.

1. Both of their breeds are fictional.

Vasco is a scenthound type of dog, if you applied Segugio Italiano's colors to Ariégeois/Porcelaine bodytype you'd get very close to what he's supposed to look like.

Machete is a sighthound and his closest real life counterpart would be Ibizan hound. He's mostly just a little fluffier here and there.

2. Yes, dogs are my favorite thing to draw. Canines in general. Sighthounds in particular.

3. I created Machete almost 16 years ago, I think I was simply reading about weapons and thought the word sounded sharp and had a good rhythm to it. In-universe "Machete" isn't his real name at all, it's something of a mean-spirited epithet/nickname he's acquired from his colleagues (mostly for being efficient at powering through mountains of thankless work, his severe (and increasingly cut-throatish) personality and the fact that he's originally from the part of Italy that was ruled by Spain at the time). His actual name (the one Vasco uses) hasn't been revealed.

I had liked the name Vasco long before I assigned it to this character, to me it sounds friendly and energetic but also noble somehow (but that's just my impression, I don't know any Vascos personally). One of the deciding factors was his color palette, I wanted to aim for shades that would resemble gold. In Finnish, "vaski" is an archaic term for warm colored metals like brass, bronze and copper. It's far fetched in retrospective but when the connection popped in my head I had to go for it.

As for the nationalities, they're both Italian. Vasco is a proud Florentine and Machete is originally Sicilian and now lives in Rome.

I can see how Vasco would be into football, Machete less so.

[guillotinna]

I keep seeing these Gen z is task force 141 and I wanna join

Anytime you use a computer, you do that stupid movie hacker trope of exaggerated typing and say "I'm in"

Saying "POV" in front of sentences

In the group chat saying "1 like and I'll kms", liking your own message and then saying "damn guess I gotta"

I see a lot of these posts were Gaz and Soap would understand y/n....bffr, no those geezers would not

No one knows what the gen z kid is saying they just know it's probably not good

"You're telling me a shrimp fried this rice?"

You have a small photo you keep tucked in your chest pocket and after enough times seeing you looking lovingly at it, one of the guys asks who it is. Is it a s/o from back home? 😏😏

You say no and pull out a photo card of your fave singer and they're like ??? Really

One time during a particularly physical scuffle with the enemy, you get thrown to the ground and huff out "one hop this time" only to promptly tackle tf outta your assailant while saying "take it back now yall"

Reads everyone's zodiac charts except ghost bc he won't tell his birthday let alone the time he was born so you just make one up

Price calls a 6 am meeting to which you say "double it and give to the next person"

*Alexa, play teenagers by MCR*

If you had time describe the base, you'd say it smells like ball sweat, blood and war crimes which everyone took offense to for different reasons

Would absolutely get soaps doodles tattooed

Actually speaking of which, imagine getting caught giving yourself stick and pokes with a pen and being banned from using pens period

You'd be in a meeting with a #2 pencil

Ofc a gen z member would be absolutely feral which very little regard for their own safety much to the dismay of the others

Quoting "Oh these aren't homemade, they were made in a factory....a bomb factory......they're bombs." All the time around soap even though he has no idea what you're talking about

You don't spent too much alone time with ghost bc he likes quiet and you can't be alone with your thoughts which is why you lean more towards spending time with soap or gaz

I just like puns so I'm gonna add this but gen z love borgs (a customized gallon jug of alcohol that is usually given a name) and yours is appropriately named taskforce 1-borg-1

this is mainly for my americans but i know pretty much the whole world got beef with engl*nd: before you met Soap, you thought the entire 141 was en*lish so when you finally did meet him, you said "oh thank god" with a sigh

americans 🤝 scotts

making fun of english "people"

"Pull up in the monster, automobile gangsta With a bad bitch that came fr-" "....sergeant, comms off please"

you show Ghost WAP and he has to take a walk

*price yelling at gaz and soap*: KYLE GARRICK AND JOHN MACTAVISH GET IN HERE- Y/n: oop not the government name

Another for my US baddies: if your'e ever arguing with any of the guys, the nail in the coffin would be "and it's called soccer"

"one more like and i'll-" "enough!"

you call Price "ms. girl" and he could not be more confused

someone asks "do you serve?" and u reply "yah, serve cunt"

when asked why you decided to join the military you said something like: "well i didnt think i'd live past 18 so when I did, i ended up here".....crickets from the rest of the team

"good thing we only have showers on base because i would have already taken a toaster bath by now"

ask Gaz "no bitches?🤨" one more time see what happens

price: the enemies have taken civvies hostage and blocked off all exits and entrances to the town-" y/n: "omg tea"

Also calling price "capt. Save-a-hoe"....I wanna be saaaavvveddd ;)

If you took a shot every time you said "rest in peace to all the soldiers that died in the service, I dive in her cervix", you'd be dead lmao

When asked if they like the military they'd say "it was either this or the psych ward so yah, I'll take it"

Quoting MPGIS constantly and no one even sort of knows what that is ("Crack. Is that what you smoke? You smoke crack?")

Some detainee being interrogated is spilling some nonsense, so you hit them with "oh brother this guy stinks!" And then with the butt of your gun

"Little bad trini bitch but she mixed with China, real thick vagina, smuggle bricks to-" "SARGENT ENOUGH"

Falling asleep on team mates (minus ghost's) shoulders mostly because the most peace they get is when you're unconscious

*when y/n hears any slightly suggestive/dirty phrase*: what are we talking about 😏 (iykyk)

Same energy as: " born next to a nuclear power plant, has an IQ of 2 and was hit in the head with several Rocks as a child"

Vine quotes out the wazoo, it's just awful for the rest of the team lmao

Replying to everything with "on god?"

soap: "what are you 6?" y/n: "yah 6 inches deep in your mom".....you did not walk away from that unscathed to say the least...worth it tho

[oatsmeall]

Friendly strangers.

Jk! x f!reader | smut | not proof read

Warnings: suggestive themes and language.

College au | strangers to lovers

When you started your year at college you didn't think it'd be so lonely.

You didn't really make friends or talk to people at the campus. Your closest friends went to another college, it sucked. You weren't completely disappointed though. You just minded your business and went on about your day.

However.. you and this complete stranger would often see each other throughout the day, that being your AP chemistry course And often even in the library. You didn't know him but you sometimes talked to each other. Not conversation wise but you would ask for a sheet of paper or a pen and he'd do the same. Occasionally when you'd see him in the library, you'd sit at the table he sat at and he'd do the same again. It was a routine, the game of "Friendly strangers".

You will admit though he was very handsome, tall with dark hair in a wavy mullet and tattoos so beautiful, accompanied by piercings on his brow, lip, and all around his ears. His eyes were alluring, doe eyed when he'd ask questions and siren eyed when tension arose.

You're now sitting in the library in a comfortable silence but you really want to get to know him. You've been seeing him all semester and yet you've never exchanged names. This could be a new start to finding friends.

"psst.. hey" you whispered throwing a small ball of scrunched paper.

"hm?" He seemed to become surprised. His doe eyes were prominent.

You moved from one chair to the other to get closer to him.

"what's your name? I figured I should ask... Considering I've got class with you AND we sit together anytime we're in the same room anywhere."

"Right, uh- I'm Jungkook. Your name?"

"Y/n. Nice to.. formally meet you?" You said in a confused tone.

"yeah, same."

It fell silent again, this time somewhat awkward. You looked around the library thinking of something you could say next, to your dismay, nothing came up.

"uh- so...what're you studying for?"

"that chem test we've got next week. Better prepare now to get it out of the way.."

"mhm.. that's great. You're better than me, I just come here to scroll through my laptop and skim through class work or homework. And read, of couse." You say laughing at the last part.

"well it is a library after all. I'm actually about to finish studying. I'm going to head to a corner store right now... If you'd like to come along I wouldn't mind. Maybe we can get to know each other better?"

You were surprised he asked you to go with him. Even with such a straight face you couldn't tell if he was being genuine or if he felt bad...

"sure, give me a sec." You agreed anyway.

"No way? I thought that was from a whole different era? Huh? Who would've thought."

"pay attention more in class Y/n."

"mmk..Mr. Perfect."

You and Jungkook had been conversating out on a random picnic table for what felt like forever, it felt as if you've known him for eternity, like you've known him so long. He had a strange familiarity to him. Unexplainable really.

"you know... I never thought I'd ever talk to you, ever. Or that you'd talk to me at all. I just thought you were so quiet and shy. Which you're quite the opposite.." he laughs saying the last part.

"I could say the same for you Mr. Perfect, but honestly me too. I don't know where I got the guts to talk to you." You shrug eating your ice cream.

"I used to think you were so pretty..I still do. I just couldn't get the attention of the pretty girl." His eyes became lazy, the siren eyes. Oh my God...

His head in a tilt, staring you in your eyes, you felt embarrassment arise. Your face felt warm.

"you're too generous. But you know what... I was thinking.. that you're not so bad yourself, I would stare at your tattoos.." you were trying to sound like a confident woman but you felt awkward.

"yeah? Hm. What about my tattoos did you like?" He asks quietly staring at you deeply.

"I like your big arms and hands...and the way your tattoos adorn them beautifully." you say touching lightly over his hand and up his arm.

"Really? Hm.." his gaze became dark. His big hands suddenly gripped your forearm. He got up from across the table and walks over to you still grabbing your arm.

"how about I go show you what these hands can do? Would you like to come to my apartment?" He says with worry at the end. He didn't want to make you uncomfortable.

"your apartment? U-um.. yeah sure. You don't have a dorm?" You asked in genuine shock.

"no actually, I moved out my dorm about a month ago... I like privacy." He says in a laugh.

"right.. lead the way."

All you could feel was the subtle pain in your back, Jungkook slammed you into his wall by his entrance to his apartment. Excitement rolled within you.

"Can- uh,, fuck..- may I?" He said between his kisses, he really knew how to get your spots on your neck. It felt so erotic.

"yes- mm yes- of course" you were trying to catch your breath.

"fuck- I want you bad, you're so fuckin beautiful" he said smirking while sucking your neck.

"mhm? Auh fuck, You're good at that"

He then grabbed you and carried you bride style into his living room onto his couch.

He sat with his legs spread apart, such a sexy position for such a sexy man you thought.

You crawled onto his lap causing him to close his legs together slightly, you put your own legs on either sides of his legs now sitting on top of him completely.

You lowered your body completely on him, you felt his hard cock poking your ass.

"excited?" You asked teasing him.

"very" he says shortly after continuing by devouring you in kisses.

Gripping your sides with eagerness, you began to grind on him, he encouraged you more by moving you as well with his tight grip.

"mm fuck baby, you make me harder and harder by the minute" he hisses

"fuck- you're so aggressive, I love that." You say staring at him. Your eye contact felt lethal this amped up your high.

"yeah? You like that?" Jesus, you just met the guy formally and now you're riding his lap?

He grabs your face with his big hand, forcing you to look at him. Your heart literally skipped a beat, you just discovered yourself in this moment, you loved his aggressiveness, THEE aggression.

"Jungkook- I want you...in me.." you say quietly.

"okay.. if you're okay with it then okay."

You nodded quickly. He grabbed you off of him and got up and disappeared into the dark hallway coming back shortly after with a silver foil packet. He sat down next to you. You then took over from there. Without notice you made eye contact with him while your hands went down into his sweats, stroking his cock slowly and teasingly in his pants. You just smirked at him. He threw his head back and hummed lewes noises while you stroked up and down.

"fuck- Y/n...."

You then pulled his sweats down and let his cock spring out. His cock was big. You took in what was eventually about to go into you.

He grabbed the foil packet and ripped it open with his mouth and pulled the rubber out, rolling it onto his dick.

While he was getting situated, you too we're doing the same. You took your short biker shorts off along with your panties, leaving you in your oversized sweatshirt.

He stared at you while doing so mesmerized at your beautiful body.

He pat his lap indicating to sit on it, slightly smirking at you. You did and again you put your legs on either side of his legs, you slowly sunk down onto his cock, you felt your pussy stretch out, but if felt so good to you. Your pussy throbbed, already wet you slid onto his dick nice and easy.

"mm-fuuuck, y-youre s-so big" you winced.

"baby you're so wet, all for me." He hissed throwing his head back.

"oh my God auh-fuck" you moaned as you fully plopped onto him.

He grabbed your waist hard.

"alright baby, hang onto me."

Before you could do or say anything he slammed into you hard, slowly pulling out and doing it again. Your ass smacking his balls and thighs became a louder noise, he began going fast and hard.

"o-oh my- a-auh ffuuuck" your moans were out of this world, it sounded like music to Jungkook's ear.

"yeah baby- take this cock, good girl."

The pet names made your stomach do cartwheels, you became wetter and wetter.

"yes, yes, yes, s-so good" you moaned again and again.

The lewd juice noises where on full ear display, the sound of ass on balls was amplified and your moans and cries were on blast.

"yes baby, you're doing so good, yes" he hissed. He grabbed your waist with one hand and his other reached over to your throat.

This felt so pornographic but the throat grab made your pussy throb and gush.

"uah auh, my god, f-fuck Kook I'm gonna c-cum! Fuuuuck" your pussy began to clench and so was Jungkook's hand around your throat.

"come on baby, cum, cum for me." He was also reaching his high, he felt your clench and his dick felt like it was gonna burst.

"yes, yes, fuck aughhh" you moaned in agony, your pussy was pulsating from the high you just came down from.

"yes baby, good girl" he was out of breath, breathing hard, his from hair drenched in sweat, he moved his hand from your throat your face again forcing you to look in his eyes.

"Kook- what the fuck." You say shaking. Your legs went numb. All that rough fucking made your legs weak, and your pussy throbbed and pulsated from all the force.

"yeah? You liked that?" He said still tying to catch his breath a little.

"yes." You say shyly. Even after that, you can't help but feel shy.

"here, let me get you cleaned up. I'll be right back" he stood up also taking the condom off and disposing of it.

All you could think about is how you absolutely got demolished by a stranger you only met formally today... Maybe you should continue on with these activities.

[aira-bu]

༄ anemo boys voicelines about you! 𖧷

☁︎ written as of version 3.3

characters: kazuha, heizou, xiao, venti + (scaramouche + wanderer)

disclaimer: some of them might have been hinted and/or written romantically, but it can be read as platonic as well.

warnings: use of (y/n) (your name) and (n/n) (nick name). reader/(y/n) is implied to live in liyue (kazuha's one). for scaramouche's one i decided to put 2 voicelines: one for the petty scara and one for the teapot wanderer bc they're literally 2 personalities + wanderer might be a little ooc because i don't really know his nice personality

☁︎

kazuha

"oh, you want to know about my relationship with (y/n)? well, i dare say that we are close ─ at least that's what i'd like to think. most of the time they would wait for me to arrive back at liyue right at the docks, waving their hands high up in the air, making sure that i would see them. other times they would accompany me on the crux, gazing upon the ripples in the water, and allerting me for any hindrances up ahead. when they have trouble sleeping during the night, i like to blow the leaf for them, hoping that it could help them calm down. they usually fall asleep after that, so i'm happy that─ ...a-ah? why are you laughing..? did i say something funny..?"

heizou

"hm? (y/n)? oh, you mean (n/n)! of course i know them! ...well, everyone does, actually. you'd be missing out if you didn't. they're one of the reasons why there aren't as many papers on my floor as you'd think i'd have, given how many cases i've been taking up recently. (n/n) would always come by once in a while to check up on me and make sure i'm doing alright. to be honest, hearing their footsteps approaching every time is more than enough to make my mood light up! ...heh, i should invite them to crack a case with me some time, then maybe i won't need to clean so many coffee-stained-cups in the morning..."

xiao

"...you speak of (y/n)? ...yes, i know them. ...i am quite fond of them, actually. they've called my name many times for useless and... unspeakable things, but they are more tolerable than most mortals. occasionally, they would call my name and greet me by the balcony with a plate full of almond tofu in their hands and a joyous look on their face. it is a nuisance, but the almond tofu is always surprisingly nice, so i forgive them. when they do call my name for a serious reason, it is to fight but a mere hilichurl. tch. (y/n) is weak. very weak. so as a yaksha, it is my duty to protect them. ...what? why are you looking at me like that?"

venti

"ohoho~ did i hear the name (y/n)?~ ah, it sure brings me joy whenever they do come by mondstadt, i never need to keep my wine taxes waiting! a-ah, but of course that's not the only reason i'm happy to see them..! whenever i- ahem... 𝘸𝘦 are not going for a drink, i like to teach them how to play the lyre ─ they catch on pretty fast! sometimes, they would play the lyre and i would sing to them, and as a reward for that, i take them to the tavern and invite them for a glass of wine! ...(y/n) usually pays for it though. *sigh.* one day, i want to actually treat them. b-but not today though! i don't have enough yet..."

scaramouche

"...(y/n)? what do you want to know about (y/n)? and anyway, if you're asking to know about them, then go ask them, not me. ...w-what? you want to know what i think of them? hh-hah! how would knowing what i think of them benefit you? go dig your nose up somewhere else where it doesn't involve me, or (y/n). ...what? i-i'm not embarrassed?! w-why in the world would i be embarrassed?! ..me having feelings for (y/n)? hah! you should be ashamed of yourself for asking such a question to me! you should be on your knees asking for mercy and forgiveness!"

wanderer

"...(y/n)? if you want to know more about them, then i suggest you ask (y/n) themselves, i don't want to give the wrong information about them to you, or to anyone. plus, maybe some things i know about them are private and i don't know about it, and i could accidentally share it with you. ..oh but i'm not saying that i don't trust you, but it's privacy, isn't it? ...oh, you want to know what i think of them. why didn't you say so earlier... ahem, their company is... comfortable. the only thing that i hate about them is how much i don't hate their company. they won't be here forever, so i cannot grow too attached to them, but no matter how hard i try to stray away from them... *sigh.* i just can't help but keep them beside me.

[hexbees]

Draco notices you

pairing:: oblivious!nice!draco x slytherin!reader

summary:: you had shared potions with draco since first year but he doesnt notice you until sixth word count:: 731 a/n:: no voldemort so no oncoming war! dracos just a dumb dumb and oblivious. no use of y/n!

Stress burrowed its way into your brows as you stepped into Slughorns NEWT potions class. You scored an O on your OWLs and only feared the amount of work you'll have to put into the next exams. Ranking high in your year has always been important, not only to you but your parents as well. The thought alone is enough to settle a hunch on your shoulders. 

You at least felt good about being able to pick the table directly in the middle row, as not all the students had arrived yet. Slughorn was drowning on his greetings from his podium as the room filled. By the time your advanced potions book was situated perfectly center in front of you most spots had been taken besides the one left empty at your table.

When you felt the stool move back as the professor started his introduction it didn't even interest you to see who you’d be stuck with. It had never mattered in the past, you'd even lucked out with lab partners, most people adjoining themselves to their friends. It wasn't until Slughorn finished his speech that you'd taken the time to check what other sixth years had made it into the course. Only a few you could place names on; Harry potter (of course) and his red-haired friend. While most Slytherins had a vendetta against the young wizard he’d only ever been kind to you, so you sent him a smile that he returned with an awkward wave.

“Are you friends with Potter?” The voice came from your side, held a curious tone and sent pinpricks across your skin.

“No, actually. Just being kind.” You didn't take the time to look, you barely recognized the voice and it's not like you had real friends. Especially none that would be in this class with you.

“You're a Slytherin?”

That caught your attention. Six years at Hogwarts and it still surprised people that you could be naturally nice, it was almost aggravating. While most Slytherins dove straight into the stereotypes and embraced them, you never found the time. It took effort to be rude and even more effort to be a typical Slytherin bully.

“Mm” You hummed, finally turning to face the person. “As are you, Malfoy.”

His head tilted the slightest and his lips tugged loosely at the ends. He thought it was cute you’d still be kind while also being a little condescending.

“Are you new?” His pale eyebrows furrowed a little. He genuinely has never seen you before, at least he didn't think he had.

“Nope.” You let it fall from your mouth in the same tone as before, “I sat behind you in potions the last five years, actually.” It wasn't unusual for most students to be unaware of your presence. You'd flown under the radar most years, avoiding drama and parties. You'd spent time studying and reading for fun more than you did conversing amongst everyone else.

His brows only furrowed deeper, “Surely I'd remember that.” You could practically hear the gears screeching as they spun in his head, “Wait,” he snapped his fingers and smiled. If you looked close enough you could see the small dimple that adorned his cheek cutely. “You beat out Granger for, like, every potion assignment. Snape loved you.”

His statement brought your mood up just a bit as you smiled at him, bringing your hands together in your lap.

“Good to know my intelligence precedes me.”

His smile never faltered as he chuckled. “I can't believe we’ve never interacted before” His hair fell to the sides as he shook his head, almost in disbelief. 

Slughorn gained attention of the class again and before you knew it you had your first homework assignment at the top of your mental list while packing up your bag.

Draco tapped two fingers on the table in front of you, smiling when you looked up at him with a hum.

“I’ll see you at lunch?” He questioned, “I sit at the end closest to the professors table.” He made it sound like an invitation and you nodded your head quicker than you'd ever admit. His smile only grew at your response as he nodded back.

As you rose to your feet and followed the last of the students through the threshold of the class you couldn't help the giddy smile breaking out across your face.

[kelcemenow]

Let's Stay Together.

Pairing Travis Kelce x Reader

Words 2112

Warnings Some strong-ish language and some angst and fluff.

This fic is a request from @fantasywritersstuff and I loved the idea but really struggled to make Travis behave like an asshole! But I think I've done alright with this one! "Hey!! So I have an idea for a request for Travis ! I say him and the reader have a really bad fight/argument and he says something really mean and instantly regrets it and tries anything to get reader to forgive him and in the end they make up !!"

Your eyes scanned over the script on the laptop screen in front of you. Your agent had sent over some scenes for a role in a new movie that the producer and director wanted to see you for and you were intrigued. You had made a name for yourself in your teenage years, starring in Disney movies, usually musical based and after a short break from acting to focus on a singing career, you were keen to delve into more mature characters.

As you read the last few lines, you heard keys jingle by the front door and when it opened, Travis walked in with his practice bag, slightly red-faced and sweaty.

"Hey baby!" He shouted through to the lounge.

You craned your neck in his direction, "Hey! I'm in here."

He made his way to you, leaning down to plant a kiss on the top of your head.

"How was practice?"

He slumped down on the sofa next to you, "Crushed it, baby. You know me, catching shit and running it to the end, man."

You smiled and rolled your eyes, returning to your laptop screen, "Same old, same old?"

"That's right." He shuffled closer, "Whatcha doing?"

"Carl sent me a movie script to look at."

He raised his eyebrows, "Oh yeah? What is it?"

You began to type a response, "It's an action, spy type thing. The role they want me for is the femme fatale sort of woman. It's pretty sexy, actually."

He rested his head on your shoulder, nuzzling into your neck, "I don't mind helping you practice for that.'

You giggled, "I'm sure you don't."

"So, you gonna do it?"

You twisted your mouth, "Maybe, I don't know. I'm asking Carl who else is involved."

"Sounds interesting, baby. You'd kill it." He rose from the sofa, "You thought about what you want for dinner?"

"No, not really."

Travis grabbed his phone from his pocket, "I can order takeout if you want?"

You smiled up at him, "Yeah, sure!"

You were just about to close your laptop when the sound of an email notification chimed. You opened your emails to see a reply from Carl.

After tapping it open, you laughed, "Oh Trav, you'll never guess who I'd be acting opposite?"

Travis stared down at his screen, "Shoot."

"Tom Brady."

There was a silent pause before Travis turned his head to you, "No way. That's crazy."

You breathed another laugh as you read from the screen, "Yeah. Apparently he's branching out into more acting and he's playing one of the male leads."

Travis furrowed his brow, "You can't be serious?"

"Yeah, that's what it says." You pointed to the screen.

"No, I mean you can't be serious about doing it?"

You jerked your head back in confusion, "Why not?"

"Because it's Brady. Babe...I can't watch you getting all freaky with some guy I used to play against. You can't do it."

"Why can't I?

You watched him as he paced the floor, "Because I don't want to see that."

"Since when do you tell me what I can and can't do?"

He stood still for a moment, holding his hands out in front of him, "I told you, I don't want to see you getting fucked by Brady."

You tilted your head to one side in defence, "There isn't even a sex scene, and even if there was, It's acting, Travis."

"It's stupid!" He raised his voice.

"Excuse me?"

"This whole, acting comeback thing that you're trying to do is so stupid. Why can't you just be happy the way things are?"

You closed your laptop quickly, "My job is stupid?"

"Yeah." He breathed as he ran his hands over his buzzed head, "No, no. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant-"

You picked up your laptop and quickly got up from the sofa, "You're an asshole, Travis."

"Baby...Y/N, I didn't mean-"

You cut him off by slamming the bedroom door shut. You could feel the anger rising in your chest and shakiness in your hands. The one person who you needed to support you was Travis. You had supported him through his years playing football but you were bored of being the trophy wife. Staying at home whilst he was away for games, cheering him on in the stands, being on his arm at events. You wanted more and your passion had always been acting.

You stepped out through the doors on onto your balcony area, holding onto the rail and breathing the fresh Missouri air deep into your lungs, desperate to calm down. You stared off into the trees, watching them move gently as you bit down on your bottom lip. You didn't turn around when you heard footsteps behind you, you weren't ready to speak to Travis yet. Instead, you continued to glare straight forward, tightening your grip on the cool metal in your hands.

Travis cleared his throat, "I ordered dinner...your favourite."

"Okay." You said plainly, with no expression in your voice.

There was a moment of silence before you felt Travis' hand on your waist. You twisted away from his touch, hearing him sigh with disappointment behind you before his footsteps signalled that he had left the balcony.

You took another deep breath, filled with hurt but also a feeling of surprise. You had been with Travis since college and married for 3 years. He knew that after a disagreement, all you needed was space. The fact that he followed you outside and attempted to touch you was confusing to you.

"He must really be sorry." You thought to yourself as you turned on your heels and walked back into the house.

As you paced towards the kitchen to make yourself a drink, you noticed that Travis was nowhere to be seen. You peered out of the window to see that his car was also gone. You shrugged your shoulder slightly and opened the fridge, reaching for some orange juice.

As you were flicking through Netflix, the front door opened and Travis walked in, holding a huge bouquet of flowers. You looked at him briefly before turning back to the TV screen. The sofa dipped as he sat down next to you, almost waiting for you for acknowledge his presence. The tension was thick and when Travis cleared his throat, you turned your head slowly towards him.

"Y/N, baby. I am so sorry." His eyes pleaded, his hands held out the flowers.

You gave him a soft smile, "Thank you for the flowers. But it doesn't fix what you said."

"What does then?"

"I don't know." You stood up, taking the flowers from him and disappearing into the kitchen.

______________________________________________________________

The rest of the evening had been exceptionally awkward. You had avoided Travis as much as possible, staying away in separate rooms of the house and when you went to bed, he didn't come with you. Instead, you noticed that he had stayed the night on the sofa. The morning sun shone on his face as he slept, a blanket pulled up to his waist and a cushion under his head.

You continued with your Sunday morning as usual, brewing a pot of coffee and making pancakes whilst singing to the radio. You were halfway through Is This Love by Bob Marley, dancing with the pan in your hand when Travis appeared in the doorway.

"Are any of those for me?"

You picked up two plates from the cupboard above your head, "Sure."

"Does that mean that you've forgiven me?"

You shot him a look.

He held his hands up in defence, "Baby, please. Listen to me?"

"Honestly, I don't know what you can say to make all of this better, so we'd both be wasting our time."

Travis took hold of your hands, pulling them away from the pancakes, "I love you so much and I am a jackass for what I said. Honestly, you are the best thing that I have in my life and I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe jealousy...I don't know. But what I do know is that I will support you in whatever you do."

"Travis, the pancakes are gonna burn."

"I don't give a shit. I will do anything for you to love me again."

You rolled your eyes, "I do love you, that won't stop. I'll always love you. But I can be pissed at you...which I am."

Travis lowered his head just as a song began playing on the radio that made him look back up at you.

"I, I'm so in love with you."

You tried to hold your face straight as he began to sway his hips as he sang.

"Whatever you want to do, is alright with me."

You could feel your lips curling upwards when he pulled you closer, "'Cause you make me feel so brand new, and I want to spend my life with you."

You hid your slight smile by looking at your feet but Travis used his finger to lift your chin, "Our wedding song. Man, what a day that was. You looked even more beautiful that I could ever imagine. I couldn't stop staring at you all day and all night. I just kept reminding myself that I am the luckiest guy in the world. And I was certainly the luckiest guy that night."

You placed your hand on the back of his neck and pulled him down so that your lips were close to his ear, "You'll have to do better than that, big guy. Enjoy your burnt pancakes."

______________________________________________________________

You smiled at Donna, as she returned to her seat next to you at Music Hall Kansas City. Travis and Jason has gotten their Mom up as a special guest for the New Heights Podcast Live Show and she grabbed at your arm.

"Did I do okay?"

"Are you kidding?" You beamed at her, "You were awesome! Did you hear them? They love you!"

The crowd were still cheering as Travis stood up, the microphone held tightly in his right hand.

"Okay, Kansas City. I need y'all to help me out with something now." His left arm was outstretched towards the audience, "You all know my smokin' hot wife is here tonight."

The crowd went wild again as you felt your cheeks burn slightly.

"And your boy Travis has been a jackass."

The noise continued as he hung his head.

"Uh oh!" Jason shouted into his microphone, glancing over to you in you seat, "What did you do, Travis?"

"I said something stupid, man!"

"Is your mouth getting you in trouble again?" Jason asked from his seat.

Travis rubbed the back of his neck, nervously, "I'm in the doghouse, man. So, KC! Can you help me to get back in the good books please?"

You turned to Donna who was grinning at you. The crowd were still cheering so loud that your ears were ringing.

"Oh baby, let's...let's stay together." Travis closed his eyes and sang into the microphone.

You giggled as he began to dance around the stage and the crowd started to join in.

"Lovin' you whether, whether, times are good or bad, happy or sad!"

Jason accompanied by clapping along and Donna placed her hand onto your back, urging you to get onto the stage. Travis held his hand out and beckoned to you. You widened your eyes as you rose to your feet, with help from Donna.

"Oh, oh, oh, oh yeah! Whether times are good or bad, happy or sad!"

You stepped onto the stage, the lights blinding your right side. You smiled at Travis and watched as he continued, urging the crowd to join in louder.

"I, I'm so in love with you. Whatever you want to do, is alright with me." He closed his eyes again and gripped the microphone with both hands as he attempted the high note.

You laughed loudly and walked towards him.

"'Cause you make me feel so brand new, and I want to spend my life with you."

Once you were face to face with him, you placed your hands on his strong jawline, singing back to him.

"Let me say that since, baby, since we've been together. Ooh, loving you forever, is what I need. Let me, be the one you come running to, I'll never be untrue."

You pressed a kiss to his lips, without tongues but still just as passionate. His arms snaked around your waist and he lifted you off the ground for a couple of seconds, the crowd reacting with loud cheers.

Once he had lowered you back down onto the stage, he lifted the microphone back to his mouth, "We did it KC!"

______________________________________________________________

I found it so hard to be mad at him...and to stay mad at him! I kept imagining his sad face and I kept melting! I hope this was what you were wanting? And keep the requests coming!!

Taglist @kkrenae

[trippingontheescalator]

Curious about the direction the HP fandom has gone

Okay, so as an old HP fan from way back when the books were first coming out, and then getting hit with the nostalgia and decided to return after years and years of not interacting with the fandom at all, the changes are truly mindboggling and I'd love to get to the bottom of some things.

Like, the disappearance of Blaise Zabini. Blaise was a fan favorite way back when we only knew his name but now I barely hear a whisper of his name. Now, the obvious answer is racism, which I think is the #1 reason why Blaise-pairings have dropped of significantly. Back then we all thought Blaise was a hot Italian girl, and then we found out he's a black man and suddenly people stop writing about him? Hm, yeah, seems the obvious answer (especially considering the popularity of other characters who are just a name on a page *cough*regulusblack*cough*).

Or the rise in Snape-hate. Like, Snape used to be the fan favorite. Everyone loved Snape. The meaner he was, the more we liked him. Being mean to children was a plus, not a negative lol. And this was back when we all thought he was a pureblood who came from a wealthy family like the Malfoys. Now by the time the 7th book came out I had pretty much moved on and so I didn't really see the fallout of readers discovering his actual background, so I don't know if his drop in popularity is classism and learning that he isn't a palette-swapped Lucius Malfoy or not, but honestly I would figure his impoverished background would be a plus in these times. Like Snape is obviously one of JKR's least favorite characters, and considering how she-who-must-not-be-named has destroyed her reputation with her increasing radicalization you'd figure the poor, abused, author-hating character would become more beloved instead of the rich, white, heteronormative bullies who barely even show up in the books. Like with our increasing knowledge of social injustice, I just don't understand why the fandom would want to latch onto the Marauders? And I just can't believe Snape's handful of snippets with Lily is the cause of his downfall (like what's there is barely enough to fill up a few pages, and there are certainly more toxic relationships in the series that are still beloved), or the fact that he was a Death Eater or that he inadvertently caused the deaths of the Potters (we already knew that in GoF and HPB respectively and he was still beloved, and this was when we assumed he didn't give a shit about the Potters or if they died when he went snitching). Draco is still popular. DRACO who doesn't give two shits about slinging around the word "mudblood," as opposed to Snape who actually changed for the better.

Am I just too old to understand? Is this like 90s fashion coming back in style (no, I won't do it again, I don't care if it's cringy I'm sticking with my millennial styles, I did the platforms and the slip dresses and the cargo pants in high school and I'm not putting myself through that again lol you gen z's can pry my comfortable mom jeans from my cold, dead fingers, I don't care if it makes me look old, that's the point, I AM old). Like, in addition to 90s fashion, has the 90s obsession with luxury athletic fashion like Lacoste come back in style? All those fashion ads of rich white people on yachts with popped collar polos? Are people starting to obsess over the Marauders because nouveau riche conspicuous consumption is coming back in style? It can't all just be young kids who have only read AtYD and have never actually opened one of the books, can it?

There also seems to be a trend of treating characters as if they're real people. I mean, we've always done it (Snape Wives, I'm looking at you), but now it almost feels as if the crimes characters commit are treated as if they're real crimes and that liking them is somehow a moral failing on the reader's fault. If you were to say "I don't like Snape, his douchy actions anger me, I'd rather skip all the parts he shows up in" I'd say, cool, I get that. That's normal. But "Snape is an abuser, a racist, and an incel and if you like him you're probably those things too" is fucking weird. Like, Harry and Hermione are not real children. Snape is not a real person. The things that happen in this book have as much influence on the real world as me imagining ninjas breaking into my workplace on a slow day. And that "media does not exist in a vacuum" pisses me off because it's blatantly misused. The pieces of media that have had serious consequences? Jaws, The Birth of a Nation. One resulted in the culling of sharks, the other helped restart the KKK. Do you know what those two pieces of media have in common? They're not about fucking wizards and magic schools. They instead paint a target on real groups. After twenty years nobody has ever tried to hurt a marginalized group of people because of a harry potter book (except for JKR herself).

Anyway, these are just some random thoughts, feel free to chime in with your own.

[theliteraryarchitect]

Hi! I wanted to say, I read that you are a professional editor, and think it's amazing! You also give very logical and well explained advice. I was wondering; would you say being an editor is a job you can support yourself with? I actually aspire to become one someday, but I'm not exactly sure if it's a good plan.

Thank you for your time, and I hope you have a good day/night

Hey there. Great question. It's totally possible to support yourself as an editor. I've done it, and so have other editors I know. However there are a few important things to consider before choosing editing as a career path.

Your chances of being a self-employed freelancer are extremely high. The number of in-house editing jobs in publishing are low and getting lower. While being self employed can give you a certain amount of flexibility, it also comes along with a lot of hustle and hassle, namely fluctuating income, a stupid amount of confusing tax paperwork, and the need to constantly promote yourself to clients in order to maintain steady work.

You probably won't make as much money as you'd think. Editing is one of the many skilled jobs that suffers from market saturation, which has sadly driven down the price the average client is willing to pay for editing services. I can't tell you the number of overqualified editors I know charging barely more than minimum wage for their work. Personally I've stuck to my guns about charging what I'm worth, but I've sometimes suffered by not having as much work as my colleagues who charge less.

Robots have already chipped away at the future of editing as a human occupation, and will continue to do so at exponential speed in the years ahead. They will never obliterate the job completely, as there will always be humans who prefer to work with humans instead of machines. But the outlook will become ever bleaker as more humans compete for fewer gigs, which in turn will drive down prices even further.

If you are also a writer, editing may adversely affect your writing. I don't mean that you'll become a worse writer, quite the opposite. My editing work has brought new depths to my writing, and I'm grateful for all I've learned by working with my clients. However, editing takes time, uses creative energy, and requires staring at a screen (or paper), and personally the more I edit, the less time/creativity/screen-staring capabilities I have left for my own writing.

If you mention you're an editor, someone will troll your post for a typo, grammatical error, or misused word, and then triumphantly point it out to you in the comments. This is mostly a joke. But it does happen every single time.

I hope this hasn't been too discouraging. If you feel a true passion for editing and really enjoy the work, none of the above should dissuade you. However, if you think you might be happy in any number of occupations, I'd honestly advise you to explore other options. Choosing a career path at this point in history is a gamble no matter what, but the outlook for editors is especially grim.

If you'd like to work with writers and aren't attached to being an editor, there are a few jobs (still freelance) that I believe will survive the coming robot apocalypse. Do a little Google research about "book coaches," "writing coaches," or "book doulas." These are people who act primarily as emotional supporters and logistical helpers for writers who are trying to get their book published or self published. Some of them do actual editing, but many do not, and due to the therapeutic nature of their work I believe they will flourish longer than editors in the coming robot apocalypse.

If you do explore editing as a path, the further away you can lean from spelling and grammar (e.g. proofreader or copyeditor), the longer your skills will be useful when competing with robots. AI still struggles to offer the same kind of nuanced, story-level feedback that a human can give. (Speaking from experience here--I'm a developmental editor and have yet to see a dent in my workload because of robots.) They'll catch up eventually, but it could be a while, and as long as there are human readers, there will always be humans who are willing to pay for a human perspective on their writing. Human spell checkers maybe not so much.

Hope this helps!

[h0ttestgrlinm0urgu3]

𝑺𝒆𝒏𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒔𝒔

𝐓𝐢𝐦 𝐋𝐚𝐅𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐃𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲𝐥 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐨𝐧

8teen+ ⚠️

[TW: threesome, black reader! but any1 can read, sub reader, bimbo reader!, voyeurism, use of (y/n) a couple times, daddy kink, Tim gets off on eating 😻, oral (f receiving) , no protection 🙅🏾‍♀️, dirty talk ig] if I left out any let me know

[Summary: your the campus bimbo who's caught the eye of Tim and Darryl]

'there she goes man' Tim says, pushing Darryl's arm to get his attention. 'fuuck,' Darryl groans, seeing (y/n) about to make her way past them.

both taking a deep inhale as she walked by them 'you think she's thinking of us as the wind grazes her ass in that short ass skirt' Tim questioned. catching Darryl of guard making him take his eyes off of the girl who did infact have on a "mini skirt," but it honestly was just a band of fabric rapped around her ass.

'you can't say shit like that in public' he replies looking around like he didn't approve of what Tim said checking to see who heard before smirking and dapping him up 'she most definitely do tho' he exclaimed as they started laughing.

and it was true for the most part. you had no clue who they were by name, but you'd seen them all the time even had class with em. you always saw them smiling and laughing when they thought you weren't paying attention, commenting about what you were wearing, even going as far to talk about your ass. You had no problem being their entertainment when they came around. They were fine as fuck and it was much better than the creepy janitors.

making your way to your Anthropology class that you honestly just took for an easy A, and if you didnt at least make that you wouldn't be bored for a good hour and 30. win, win , actually make that win, win, win, because you just so happen to share this class with Darryl.

it honestly was a complete accident but why not take what they universe gives. that's exactly what you do as you sit in the front of class, not taking notes but playing with the fur ball on your pen imagining just how many ways you could be slutted out right now.

your chair was moved back from the desk you sit at so you can comfortably cross your legs, no work on your desk, just your pink juicy bag.

you can feel his eyes on you as you adjust in the uncomfortable chair provided by the school. feeling him as he takes in the new skin revealed by your readjusting. as he admires how the low lighting makes your look almost edible. how your skin glowed, he could imagine how it felt from here.

☆

just as the teacher finishes answering a students questions the bell rings, prompting her to put away her pen and ready to leave. Darryl speeds up putting away his notes to catch up to her just as she exits the class.

'hey' he calls out getting your attention, making you turn around to meet him. 'I see you don't really take notes in Anthropology, so if you wanted to have mine, I'd be happy to give them to you,' he says notebook in hand. 'I couldn't possibly do that, you spent all class taking those notes, and there's bound to be a paper due.' you kindly decline, knowing you'd have no use for the notes even of a paper was due.

' oh well, yea that's no problem, who cares about a paper' Darryl replies making a face. ' this is Anthropology, I just write exactly what he says in my papers. what is it gonna be? wrong?'he jokes, making you laugh. 'here' he says handing you the notebook.

'thank you' whispered trying to hold back a big ass smile but failing miserably. ' im (y/n)' you say reaching your free hand out to shake his.' Darryl' as he shakes your hand 'nice to meet you' he says with a fine ass smile on his face, not letting your hand go.

'and this is' he says turning you and pulling your back into his front. ' Tim LaFlour ' he introduces in a fancy voice. letting out a chuckle at him you introduce yourself to Tim.' how do you guys know eachother?'you question 'were roomstes' Tim asnwers. 'cute' you reply with a laugh, you guys talk for a little before they invite you to have lunch with them.

it's a cute dinner not to far off of campus 'you guys live close to here?' you ask as you grab a fry. 'yea why, wanna spend the night' Tim Jokes, well he might be joking. ' why' you say tilting your head 'ya think I'm that easy tim' you pout. 'aww what never' he says sarcasticly, although it might be offensive he's not wrong. let them invite you over and your coming, in a heartbeat.

Darryl throws a fry a Tim 'ow'. 'don't listen to him, he's just mad he's that easy' he says making you all laugh. 'what not baby Tim Tim' you fake surprise holding your hand over your heart. 'no see its different, ive denied myself of all pleasures so now I can freely indulge in them.' he explained like it was common knowledge. 'okay, sure' as you laugh with Darryl.

☆

welp they did end up inviting her over, honestly at first she wasn't going to do anything, she was gonna make them wait for it, but making them wait for it means she'd too also have to wait for it .. and as Tim said we've been denied long enough might as well indulge, that's basically what he said so it counts.

so that's how she found herself being carried into their shared apartment by Tim as they made out making their way to the couch. waisting no time Tim began to undress the both of them.

watching as they finally rid themselves of their clothes Darryl sat in the chair across from the couch. watching as Tim dropped his hand to her pussy rubbing over her entrance collecting her juices on his fingers and her moans in his mouth as he hungrily kissed her.

feeling his pants tighten as Tim broke the kiss with (y/n) finally allowing her moans to be put on full display as he started to devour her from the inside out. lapping up the juices that collected on her pussy and letting his index and middle finger slip into her entrance forcing out a breathy 'fuck' from her lips.

bringing one hand to cover your mouth as Tim pushed your thighs up to your shoulder. removing his mouth from you 'hold them' before going back to your pussy. listening and holding your thighs to your shoulders with your free hand. not noticing Darryl rising from his chair and making his way over to you. grasping your hand in his taking it from your mouth and placing it over his buldge in his jeans 'baby why you wanna be quiet when you making me feel like this' he says before squating to meet your face.

bringing your hand in his up to his lips leaving a soft kiss. 'look at that baby'using his other hand to support your head so you could look as Tim eats your pussy like a five star meal, his fingers disappearing and reappearing like magic, and that's exactly what it felt like.'don't stop daddy please' you moan as Darryl lets your head fall back.

still holding your legs up like the good girl you were, you knew your orgasm wasn't far off when Tim removed his fingers gripping your ass and burying his face is your pussy. Darryl leaves kisses along your thigh as he watches his roommate make your cum on their shared couch.

'fuck I'm gonna cum' you say releasing your thighs thinking that'd subtle the pleasure only for Tim to grip under your knees removing his mouth from you raising up to his knees and thrusting his cock into you.

'fuck' you scream instantly cumming around him, tightening in ways that make Tim moan loudly as he starts to fuck into you. 'God I'm gonna cum' he whimpers speeding up his thrust before he stills fully in you letting his cum spirt into you..

your mind goes blank and it's possible you've just witnessed judgment day in 4k.

it's not long before your feel Tim slide out of you. Hearing snapping you open your eyes to see Darryl infront of you 'thought we lost you for a sec, you think you can go again baby?' he questions kindly, moving your hair off of your sweat covered forhead as you nod 'yes' you say 'please'.

he chuckles removing his shirt not to shortly followed by his jeans. left in his boxers you see just how turned on he was. cock hard and leaking. you sit up grabbing the waist band and reaching your hand into his boxers to pull him out, admiring everything about him.

leaning forward to lick his cock he stops you before you can get a taste. ' not what I want baby' he states. moving you like you were light as a feather over the shoulder of the couch collecting the mixed fluids on your pussy with his tip before pushing Into your entrance.

letting out a moan as you gripped the couch. 'fuck daddy' pushing your ass back onto him. groaning as you take him the rest of the way in he throws his head back 'fuck baby' he groans, letting his eyes look over to Tim who now occupies his previous seat, letting his hand lazyly stroke his cock. 'fuck' Darryl moans taking his attention back to you placing his hand at the center of your arch. letting his other hand find home in the hair on the back of your head.

he started off slow just grinding into you, moving to taking the base only out and grinding back into you, slowly taking more and more out each time. when he finally gets to the tip he moves his hand from your back, snaking it over you're stomach letting the other fall from your hair to your throat as he starts to rapidly thrust into you giving you no time to prepare.

'oh my god- oh - fuck fuck fuck- god' is all you can let out along with pathetic moans as he fucks into you the way you needed to be fucked.

feeling his pace stutter and his cock pulse as he leans down onto your shoulder not letting up for a moment 'come on baby I can feel you, you wanna cum' he says as you tighten in attempt to hold off your orgasim. ' cum on daddys dick, please baby, god, wanna feel you cum baby' as he speeded up fucking you into your orgasm. following right after. releasing a deep groan while fucking his cum deeper into you before pulling out.

looking over to Tim he sees that his hand and stomach were covered in cum. letting out a breathy laugh looking back to you.

"five minute break before round two?"

★★★

a/n:

leaves thoughts I don't know who I like it .

[whatisame]

Bartylus, baby!!!!

Summary: Barty is in jail and Regulus wants to break up with him. Inspired by that one Shameless US scene.

"Barty..." There are no words to describe what Regulus is feeling right now, holding a phone to his ear and looking at Barty through the stained glass.

"I did it myself," he smirks proudly like it isn't obvious with his wobbly R and smudged g. Regulus is going to kill himself. And then Barty. Don't ask how.

What were you thinking?

Why are you making this so hard for me?

"That is not how you spell Arcturus."

"The fuck it isn't." Barty frowns and looks down at his bare chest. "A-k-t-u-r-u-s."

"I think I would know how to spell my own middle name, Barty."

"Fuck. Are you messing with me right now?"

"Are you?! Who the fuck gets a prison tattoo? Do you know what kinds of infections you could have gotten? Did you even sterilize—"

"—So you don't like it, is that what you're saying?"

"Jesus Christ." Regulus runs his hands through his hair, a fruitless attempt at soothing himself. "Whatever made you think that I'd like it?"

"I don't know, Regulus, the fact that it's fucking romantic?" Barty stared at him with raised eyebrows and Regulus resisted the urge to slam his head against the glass. "I was thinking that once I got out I'd have enough practice to make it look better, maybe even move on from the rusty needle. Then maybe I could give you one of my name. Maybe of my face? Definitely of my ass."

"I'm so not doing that."

"I'm kidding! You don't have to get one of my ass. Although, I must say, you're kind of missing out."

"I will not be getting any tattoos in your honor, Barty. It's over."

"What do you mean?"

"You and me. We're over. We're bad for each other, B."

It was startling, Barty's face changing from his usual couldn't-give-a-damn expression to something so solemn. Regulus had scarcely seen it happen over the course of their friendship. He saw it once, when he'd found out about Walburga's anger issues and how she chose to deal with them. And twice, when he'd pushed Regulus away after their first kiss.

And now, obviously.

"You don't mean that," he says gravely.

"I know we're not boyfriends, I know you hate that word but I thought—" Regulus takes a deep breath and makes himself look Barty in the eye. "I know about Evan."

It's funny. How Barty doesn't even try to deny it. Then again, he didn't think he would.

"Fuck," is the only thing he says.

Regulus agrees.

"I just came here to say that, so..." he grimaces, almost hanging up.

"Wait, Reg!" He sees more than hears the words leaving Barty's lips. He picks up the phone again. Barty is silent on the other end.

"What?" Regulus snaps. It irks him how the other boy enjoys making things harder for him. He knew how much this meant for him. How much he meant to him.

"Just–Don't go." Regulus scoffs. "I'll be your fucking boyfriend or whatever. I don't care but— Stay."

"That's exactly the problem, B. You don't care. I like you—"

"—I like you too!"

"Well I like you more! Clearly! I have been at your beck and call for months and you might pretend like you don't notice and everything is the same and we're still the Barty and Regulus from years ago, but we're not. I'm not. I refuse to spell it out for you, B, so read between the fucking lines."

Barty is silent for a long time before he speaks. Something about the shadows lurking in his eyes makes Regulus lean closer. Everything about Barty is magnetic, and he fucking despises it.

"I know," he nods slowly, "I have always known I don't deserve you. This is not me pitying myself, I know I'm a fucking scumbag, I'm proud of it. But Reg. Fuck. If you could see yourself the way I see you... Well, you'd freak out. I'm properly mental." He chuckles half-heartedly. "It's actually fucking annoying having you running around my head all day. Pretty sure my cell-mate thinks so too. Any day now he's gonna stab me in my sleep with my soap-knife—"

"—Your what?"

"It's a knife carved from soap. Don't worry about the details," Barty says, waving a hand dismissively. "My point is he's told me I'm getting on his last nerve by talking nonstop about you. Or at least that's what I think he said, half of it was in Spanish so, you know..."

"Oh."

"Yeah," Barty says while scratching the back of his neck. He avoids Regulus' searching gaze.

He knows he shouldn't press. That Barty is uncomfortable right now and that to leave it alone is for the best.

And yet...

"What do you say about me?"

It makes Barty throw his head back with a laugh. "Oh, baby, you'd be surprised."

"Well, go on." Regulus twirls the cord around his index finger. The one with the ring Barty gave him. "Surprise me."

"I talk about you at lunch, and make sure everyone knows how much I miss tasting your delicious food."

Regulus laughs but it's more of a punched breath. Barty practically bites through the spoon whenever he offers him a taste.

"I talk about you in the yard when I see the ridiculous cliques and know they'd make you laugh."

Barty describes them for him. He hates that it does make him laugh. He tells him he should join the retired christian hitmen. Barty disagrees, but only because he's forming his own clique.

"I even talked about you when some guy tried to beat the shit out of me. Told him how you weigh half as much as he does and could still kick his ass easily."

"Barty," he chastises. Try to stay out of trouble, he'd told Barty when he first visited him. To which he had replied, Don't worry, I'm going to make prision my bitch. It had done nothing to put Regulus at ease.

Barty smirks. "Shut up. You're flattered."

It makes him snort. Not bothering to deny it.

"I don't talk about you at night but that doesn't mean you're not up here being a little shit." He taps his forehead with the plastic phone and smiles languidly. "You haunt me. I want to know what you're doing, who you are with, it drives me up the walls."

Regulus swallows hard.

"I think often about how I'm here for you. And eventhough I know you hate me for it, I'd do it again. And again. I'll always look out for you first, Whiskers."

"You shouldn't."

"You see... I knew you would say that."

Regulus isn't surprised. They know each other better than anyone else.

"I'm still gonna do it," Barty adds, shrugging. "Even if you get rid of me."

"Like I could," Regulus scoffs. "Fucking parasite."

"Good," he declares. "Now, about Evan—"

Regulus' throat constricts. Right. He'd forgotten for a moment. Evan accidentally let it slip, how he spent the night at Barty's some weeks after their first kiss.

"It's over. I promise. It's been over for a long time. I haven't been able to–ehem–perform with anyone else since we..." he trails off but Regulus got the gist of it.

"Are you kidding? That was months ago!" Barty looks mortified which makes Regulus feel quite accomplished. Barty is naturally unashamed, unbothered and proud, and Regulus feels a rush whenever he manages to get him to snap. Pressing his finger on a bruise has always brought him pleasure. "Don't tell me you were suddenly feeling shy?"

"Fuck you, first of all. I don't want to talk about this."

"Did little Jr miss me so terribly he had to go into hiding?"

"Yes he fucking did!" Barty screams, all loud energy and electrifying gaze. Everything Regulus is fundamentally against concelead in a grimy boy who happens to be his favorite person in ths world.

"So you must like me a lot, huh?!" he goads.

"Yes, you asshole! Very fucking much!"

Regulus chuckles, chest warm and pleasant buzz under his skin. "Adorable. I guess your dick isn't the only thing that went soft."

Barty crackles at that, flipping him off as he laughs.

"I hate you so much," Barty mutters when the shared laughter dies down.

"Yeah, I know." Regulus smiles, gently tracing Barty's stupid tattoo with his eyes.

Regulus Akturus Black

"I hate you with my bones."

[foxglovepng]

Hi !

I saw the post were Grimmy is against the young love of his henchman so maybe you could do a part 2 where Yuu asked them out on their own and also apologizing for Grim's behavior :>

Obly if you want !

Have a great day ♡

Characters: Ace, Cater, Floyd, Rook

CW: Ace cringey goofy flirting, maybe OOC Rook, not proofread.

A/N: Hello!! I am going to name you the 🔥Anon. I hope this satisfies your request. I hope you have a great day as well and make sure to hydrate yourself!!

If you liked reblogs and likes are always appreciated <3

Ace

Ace felt a bit hurt by your last encounter. Grim was hurting his feelings and he genuinely wanted to tell Yuu how he felt. Even though most of the time he may seem mean he can have his vulnerable moments where he just truly feels. And he truly felt for Yuu. Although it surprised him a little when Yuu approached him without Grim.

"Where's Grim? You normally have him around you." The red head asked.

"Don't worry about it. I just wanted to apologize for Grim's behavior I don't know why he's acting like that. I hope I can make it up to you." Yuu spoke

"It's fine. I'm used to him being annoying. Plus you can make it up to me by going on a date with me." He flashed his charming smile.

"Sure." Yuu spoke as Ace slightly turned red not expecting that response, "I was going to ask you out as well that's what I wanted to talk to you about."

Ace bragged to Deuce about the encounter and how he's now dating Yuu.

Cater

After cancellations of hangouts Yuu suddenly out of the blue asked him to hangout. Cater wanting to see his friend of course said yes. Although when Yuu showed up he was surprised Yuu dressed up a little.

"Yuu!! You look nice let's take a pic." He spoke as you two took a selfie together.

Yuu and him both went on their walk and finally caught up after while.

"I'm so sorry about that. Grim has been making me so busy I don't know why he's doing that, but I got some alone time for a bit." Yuu spoke

"It's no biggie! I totally understand he probably just wants you two to succeed." Cater spoke

"I was also hoping you'd maybe want to go out with me? like on a date." Yuu asked

Cater's face turned into a smile a genuine smile. He's been waiting for this moment.

"I'd love too. If you want, we could also consider this our first date." He spoke

Floyd

Yuu had to wait till Floyd was off his shift. When he finally was Yuu approached him and his eyes searched for Grim before he ran at Yuu squeezing them.

"Shrimpy. Took you long enough to see me. You didn't bring baby seal with you right?" He asked

"No, I didn't I actually wanted to talk with you. I apologize about Grim he's been weirdly defensive lately, and I'm hoping it's just an animal thing for him and will go away." Yuu spoke.

"He hasn't scratched you, has he?" Floyd asked. He already knew Grim's tactics and why he was acting like this.

"No, at least not yet. But I have a question for you actually. Would you like to go on a date?" Yuu asked

Floyd didn't even answer he just picked up Yuu threw them over his shoulder and is now going on their date to the pool in Octavinelle.

(We all know damn well he was manifesting this via making an Eel and Shrimp plush kiss)

Rook

Rook was in the middle of writing poetry. This time he was going to assure he finds a way for Yuu to receive his letter. While in the middle of writing he got a knock on his door and thinking it was a Pomefiore student, Epel, or Vil he was surprised to see Yuu at his door.

"Oh, Trickster what a lovely surprise." He spoke

"Hi Rook. Can I come in?" Yuu asked

"Oh, most certainly." Rook spoke as he let Yuu in closing the door. Yuu sat on the edge of his bed as Rook sat in his chair looking at Yuu with the biggest heart eyes known to man kind.

"I wanted to apologize for Grim's behavior I would love to read whatever you are giving to me however he has been acting weird. Again, I do apologize on his behalf." Yuu spoke

"I'm sure he's just worried about you he does seem to care about you." Rook spoke

"Maybe. On Another note would you like to go out on a date?" Yuu asked.

"Oui." Rook spoke as he is staring with a beautiful smile and the biggest heart eyes known to man kind he is so in love with Yuu.

Special Mention

Malleus

You asking him out? He assumed you were engaged already and has the whole wedding planned. Lilia is the officiant, Silver is the flower boy, and Sebek is the ring bearer.

[mightymizora]

Feel free to ignore but: do you feel that gortash is - I guess the word I'd use is "good" - at sex? By whatever metric you'd judge that?

Hey anon I LOVE THIS QUESTION and I can't be normal about it!

So I have to dive into it a bit into sections because there's a lot going on here for me and obviously the caveat here is this is my opinion, this is my opinion from inferences from the text, this is my opinion.

So in order to do this we need to cover a few sections: sexual education, sexual agency, sex as tool and sex as desire.

All of this is going under the cut for discussions of childhood abuse, canon inferences, decisions he makes in game, and some headcanons around agency and dub/non-con that readers may find uncomfortable.

so, let's start at the very beginning with:

Sexual Education

There are two things we know about young Enver Flymm. One is that he was raised in a small cobblers workshop where he shared a single room with his parents. The other is that at some point, he was taken to the literal hells where he suffered an incredibly physically abusive situation.

We don't know for sure the exact age he was taken, but I think it's easy to infer that he was prepubescent when he was taken from the way he is spoken about as a snot, a boy etc. by Nubaldin. Even if he was a little older, it's safe to infer that he didn't have a particularly healthy environment to learn about sex and sexuality either at home or in literal hell.

If we assume Enver was in hell, we know that the sex he would have potential been aware of was largely non-consensual. There's references all over the place about his fellow detainee Hope being sexually and physically assaulted as well as psychologically manipulated. We don't know with Enver if he ages in the hells (I assume he does, and that it is only those who sell their souls and end up there after death that do not age) but if he does, he goes from childhood to early adulthood, ten years, in this space (mirrored in Karlach spending ten years there as well, interestingly.)

We also don't actually know how he escaped the hells, and it is a niche headcanon (which I have also put into my works) that he as a young adult learned about sex and traded with Haarlep to find his route out (in my stories, this directly feeds into Mephistopheles being interested in the potential of this boy, and letting him steal the crown.) There's no text basis for this, it just neatly ties up some thematic threads and I think can be put aside and it still doesn't change the core that:

Enver Gortash had no way of having a healthy understanding of sex as a teenager. There isn't really any way that he could have! Either he's living in a one-bed apartment with abusive parents who hate his existence, or he's learning from Raphael's example in literal hell.

Sexual Agency

This is where a lot of people feel differently, but again, we can look at things as they are and then make some inferences.

Enver Gortash does not have a named spouse, or any named mistresses/side pieces/conquests. Anything. There is no evidence of anything (we will come to Durge later.) Compare this to Sarevok, who has two named partners and is inferred to have had others, and it is an interesting choice to have zero ties. It's particularly interesting because as a Lord, he would be expected to be thinking of siring a house, and as a man in power, the narrative expectation would be to find evidence of sex as a benefit of his position. We don't see any evidence of that.

There is a read that many, including me, bring to the fondness that The Dark Urge and Gortash have for each other, but again, there is no evidence that this is sexual or if it is, that it was ever something than a mutual pining. That's the joy of fanworks, you can grow on what's there, but it's not explicit that it's anything more than mutual admiration.

So for me? I think that there is significant evidence that he doesn't prioritise sexual attraction and fulfilment over other areas of reward.

Sex as a Tool

What we do know though is that he has used his body to get things he wants. The Jannath letter, which I love, makes it clear that he had sex with her for financial favours and clout, and that she indulged him in this. He's also more than happy to trade on his image in every way he can. I think it's easy to infer from this that he is, at least in one setting, able to give people what they want out of sex. Whether that means he's technically good OR he's good at constructing and fulfilling the fantasy, I think that's up to interpretation, but I think he knows what to do when it is a performance, and if there's something he can tangibly get out of it like money, power, the ability to blackmail somebody later, then that is the element that is getting him off, not the sex itself. Sex for gain is just another part of his arsenal, to be refined and researched like anything else, and picked up and put down as useful to him.

Sex as Desire

And this is --and it is completely up to interpretation here, I'm just rolling with the other things I see -- where it can potentially all fall apart for Gortash. If he actually likes somebody, if there is a desire or an affection or anything like that, and if he is able to even feel emotions like that, what does he do with them? It's not useful, it's not contained, it's not part of the punishment he learned in the hells or the seduction he learned in the patriars. If he does find himself genuinely fond of another person, how can that fit in his ideas of sex? Personally, I don't think it can do, and there's lots of ways to play with that. In my own stories, the sexual contact he has with Manva is brief, quite one-sided, and quite regressive. He is no charming seducer, but instead taken back to something much simpler that he likely didn't have space for when he was young. He has other encounters where he can't get it up, or can't climax, because the circumstances aren't quite right, the promise of power is not enough, or the partner is too willing (not like he has learned of in the hells at all.)

I think personally that if he does seek out recreational sex, then it is primarily going to be motivated by power play. And I don't think this is well negotiated kink territory. He plays with the player character constantly, testing them, destroying their reputation in the press quest, always vying for more power even when you are apparently allies. This is a man who always, always needs to know he can change the tide.

I think of the woman whose voice was used in the necrotic laboratory, who was stolen away with a promise of a better life. I think of Fariza Linnacker. There's no evidence either were sexual, but we do know that he took great pleasure in manipulating and destroying their lives.

Gortash has so much going on around sex as a tool, as a weapon even, that when it comes to a genuine connection, there's every possibility that he cannot perform at all.

And would that make him embarrassed? Angry? Would he blame? Lash out? Would he seek out professionals to replay old traumas as a "safe space"? Would he avoid all intimacy because he sees it as weak and disgusting? I think there's a lot of scope within this.

So the short version is... I think he's able to be good at sex when it's FOR something. But I don't know if he's even interested when it's not, and if he is, I think he has a long way to go to actively want to seek it out. And is he good in the way that it is connected, intimate? Probably not.