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[terriblelemons]

I think there’s a sadness in all of us that can never be fixed. Maybe a sadness that yearns for love, maybe a sadness that wants to destroy with unexplainable anger. A sadness that wants us to hide away or despise others for no reason. I don’t know, I don’t have to know. I’m just sad.

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Or did you simply forget? That to be loved doesn’t always mean forever. Forever is subjective. Yours doesn’t mean its theirs and that’s okay. Out there, someone’s forever matches yours.

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If it rained every time I thought of you. Would we ever see the sun?

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You are in my memories, my dreams. I crave a touch I have never felt. I love the lips I have never kissed. I yearn for you when I am aware and when I am not. My entire existence is painful with hopes that perhaps you’d look at me like you’d die with me. Will you just love me so you put me out of my misery?

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I think falling in love means accepting your heart to break a little, maybe more but it’s definitely a form of insanity because we put them over ourselves.

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“Why do you always think I’ll run out of your life?”

Because, I don’t think I’m enough of a reason for you stay.

Do I catch your eye enough?

Does my personality fascinate you enough?

Does everything I say pique your interest enough?

“I’m playing with you!” I answer back but I do know my heart hammers at the underlying fear of you leaving me behind.

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Most times I want to set myself free and leave behind the misery of being desperate to be loved by you.

But I am my own poison, I refuse to let you go.

I am delusional enough to think that in “another time”, you yearn for me as I yearn for you.

I say “another time” as if a part of me doesn’t want it to be “this time”.

Perhaps, its for the best if I think of you as mine in “another time” to give closure to my ever hollow heart in this lifetime.

-A letter from written by a forever bleeding heart.

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His woman lay on bed, withering away, almost cold to touch. She struggles to form a few words, that both of them already knew and yet craved the now timed affirmation.

Her lips parted, nothing was said. So he held onto her hand because it was the last time the lovers would be in the same room with loud beating hearts.

Their gazes held on to each other and spoke to one another what the lifeless woman wanted to say and what the broken man wanted to hear for the last time.

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Sometimes the line between love and hate gets blurry. I know the love I have for you is as much as the ocean foam but I despise you just for that.

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It’s those devilish brown eyes that sucked the sense out of me and now I cannot sleep without the thought of you.

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[terriblelemons]

I Am From A World Of Fear

I am from a society where death is easy and life is hard.

I am from a world where it's easier to say goodbye than to say how you feel.

I am from a world where we live in fear of diseases but not from war or gun violence.

I am from a country that values its bullets over its children. 

I am from a place where education is victorious, but the race is rigged.

I am from a society where the children are flowers that grow in concrete gardens.

I am from a country where our schools are full of clear backpacks but are empty of hope. 

I am from a world where monsters are people, not creatures hiding under your bed.

I am from a society that brushes mental illness under the rug like the dust line on your floor. 

I am from a society where we judge character based on skin color like the cover of a book.

I am from a society where the brand of your clothes is like the color of your hair, noticed and important. 

I am from a world where plastic can be reused but floats in the ocean instead.

I am from a world where drugs are used as a coping technique rather than for pain.

I am from a country that builds and profits off the blood of the lamb.

I am from a world full of people who have shown that love is imaginary and can only be found in movies and books. 

I am from a world where heroes are the villains and the villains are often the heroes. 

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How you look at me is how I want to be looked at for the rest of my life.

Be mine.

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“You are enough”

Sometimes that’s all I wanted to hear from you.

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Trust issues are a slow death. It’s exhausting to be alert all the time.

I want to trust someone. I want to cry and I want to be held when I’m at my most vulnerable moments.

I want to let go.

I’m tired.

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Pick one cloth a day.

Take one empty bottle of water out a day.

Fold those clothes on the lone chair in your room.

Wash your hair for the first time that week or month because depression does that to us.

Try the bath salt you bought and never used.

Lord knows you may do nothing the next day but by miracle you decide to, open up those curtains and hiss at sudden light.

Make a new playlist. You should check out the new album.

Are you forgetting the new cafe you wanted to try? Too soon? How about we make our bed

One thing at a time, at your own pace.

You are taking small steps

And that’s enough.

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I hardly know myself when I am around you because I become the version of myself that I have been scared to show.

Its ecstasy when you hold my hand, touch my face or your hand on my throat while calling me yours.

I love your face, its beautiful. I love your mouth too especially when its sucking on my neck or when on my mouth.

I love your ears, you listen to gruesome secrets about me and never complain, you only guard them with your chest.

I love your voice, especially when you call out my name when I am biting down on your lip, or when you are just talking to me.

I love your big hands, they are rough but feel the safest when you are holding me, or touching me where no one else has been.

I love your chest, especially when my face is buried against it, and you allow me to hear your musical beats that keep you alive for me.

I love your eyes, when your gaze lays on me with desire when I’m underneath you, or simply when you look my way.

I love your scent, I sometimes smell it even when you’re not around. I love it even more when its on my body after a night tangled in sheets.

I love your heart, it has allowed me to stay in it even if I’m full of overwhelming flaws but it has chosen to accept me for who I am.

I love your soul, because now yours and mine are interwoven for eternity like the threads put together by the greek fates.

I love your mind, you’re thoughtful and you tend to remember things that I myself have forgotten that I let you know about them.

I love your body, especially when I am leaving trails of open mouth kisses or simple when you hold me against it at night.

I love that even if you are not mine when I am awake, this is who you are in my dreams.

Mine.