arcadianvoid-blog

[arcadianvoid-blog]

my house has gemstone windows, locked. all ruby, casting a rose tinted haze over my hands and my face. save for one that lets me look out to a river surrounded by trees. where my knuckles  and my empty locket lay on the bed.

myself 8/10/18

[arcadianvoid-blog]

To me you were just standing there. You werent doing a thing that no one could see. But you were acting out everything that could happen in your head before you decided you were allowed to do what you did next.

Myself 13-09-18

[arcadianvoid-blog]

We sit, two opposing sides, across the table from one another. A table so wide that two swords cannot touch if we decide to swing. Perhaps i will not lose my head.

Myself 12-09-18

[arcadianvoid-blog]

You are white gold.

I first mistaked you for silver

Myself 9-09-18

[arcadianvoid-blog]

I love to look at sandcastles, but i don't like the sand.  i like to sit on rocks by the car park and watch people in the water. i like to pick up purple seashells and give them to my siblings. i like to feel the sun on my exposed skin, watching my body turn red knowing i will regret it in the morning.  As i know people do when they get home and realise they will be vacuuming sand from their car seats and washing seaweed from their hair for a week. once i made a sand castle, right by the shore. i watched the tide wash it away as it will also do to yours. i like being at the beach, but i no longer like the beach

Myself 21-08-18

[arcadianvoid-blog]

That star, the bright one in the corner of the sky, that star died millions of years ago. That star lived and died painfully, so painfully that i can still see his pure agony from where i sit on my frost coated lawn. That star, so far from me and so far from anywhere, saw nothing of me. I cannot imagine how lonely he felt. I am surrounded by twinking faces and that star knew not one who knew him.

Myself 20-08-18

[arcadianvoid-blog]

You told me i was too,

Rough.

My near translucent skin stretched uncomfortably over my hip bones, forming ridges that made my stomach unbearable to lie on.

I would grab you. Hold you. My hand on the back of your head, clutching your unwilling body as if i hadnt seen you in forever. Or i would never see you again.

My voice was low and my words abrasive. I would defend myself with my last breath, pretending i loved myself more than i loved you.

You told me i hurt you, you rubbed against my sand paper heart and you bled.

Myself 19-08-18

[arcadianvoid-blog]

We should have learned from what we have done

But we didnt.

Because you, are my favourite jumper.

Soft and grey. Soothing, but only when i am already calm. You stretch across my flesh, hands,

and heart,

And teeth,

You can keep the rain from my skin and my hair.

But when i am anxious, when goosebumps form like volcanoes and my knuckles twist into knots, you rub against the heel of my hand until i rip you from your post.

You are too tight and acid-washed.

You left stains on my cuticles and my collar.

You sit in the corner of my room until i forget that my palms have eroded, until i believe they have always been that way.

And i pull you back, closer and still too tight, until you rub against the heel of my hand again.

Myself 18-08-18

[arcadianvoid-blog]

I lost myself,

Slowly.

Like a phone battery or rose petals.

Like my baby teeth.

Like a bottle of whiskey.

Myself 18-08-18

[arcadianvoid-blog]

I am surrounded by buildings,

One ten stories tall.

All made of glass, steel, concrete and grief.

And a luscious garden,

Filled with green.

And grief.

Myself 17-08-18

[arcadianvoid-blog]

Death has been smiling at you, sitting in the uncomfortable, empty chair beside mine. He wants to leave this hospital room as do you.

Death had been smiling at you, and you no longer growl. Your lungs will give out.

So you smile back, more like a grimace, and go back to sleep. Your eyes half open and your skin stretched across hollow bones

Myself 16-08-18

[arcadianvoid-blog]

You are the same type of beautiful as the moon,

And the stars.

I can see you, so present in the sky.

I am sitting in the middle of an abandoned desert road. You are everything i see, everything around me. You glow silver on my skin and cast shadow in my wake.

However you are the in city. Busy and surrounded by streetlights. You never even think to look up.

Myself 15-08-18

[arcadianvoid-blog]

I tried to look out the window, away from this hospital room.

But instead i saw your reflection

Myself 15 - 08 - 18

[arcadianvoid-blog]

Your eyes

Are red

And blue glossed over

We played german music

You tapped your foot

And tried to smile

A grimace

I grabbed your hand

And cried

but you couldn't

grab mine

You keep telling me

you want to go home

We took you home

but that's not

what you mean

For you - myself 15-08-18

[arcadianvoid-blog]

my body is red. the blood i manifest when i don't have enough courage. the rage i tear out of the air, the rage i bury beneath my ribs. the raw skin beneath my fingernails from my teeth and my worry. my hair because you told me i would be prettier this way. the wound in my back from your knife and a pair of scissors you found nearby. my throat, i cant breathe. my love.

myself 13-08-18

[arcadianvoid-blog]

you, are the sun, loud and obnoxious but oh so delicate. as if you are paper thin and i could pluck you from the sky like petals from an iris. legends have told of the way you conquered me, you scale the walls i build and shine down through my open ceiling.  you, are the moon, silent and brooding. alone but surrounded by twinkling, tear stained faces. but still you glow, faintly and as if from within, however still enough to cast shadows in the wake of mountains. you, are the stars, distant and sometimes nonexistent. my apathy will shroud you lustre until i see nothing. but you are filling voids that i don’t know exist, you throw your light toward me in hopes that i will reach it before your strength runs dry and you are left with less than nothing. i, am the earth, stubborn but dependent on you. i lay claim to growing mountains from my flesh and volcanoes from my ribs, but they are pulled apart, cracked open, by you. spilling secrets and blood and enough love to turn a city to stone. oceans flood my face, and chest, and lap. their tide determined by your mood. you are everything i see, all at once and all around me. we are the universe and all i know of space and time for we are merely people but you are the sun, and without you there is no sunshine.

myself 3-08-18

[arcadianvoid-blog]

ive always been told that i shouldnt take a photo if im happy. 'savour the moment while youre in it, dont ruin it with a photo.' but now all of my photos are of me and you.

myself 3-08-18