danielleelizabethhh

[danielleelizabethhh]

The First Look

The moment I saw you at the airport,

the world around me disappeared.

It was your eyes -

pulling me under,

dragging my soul up through my skin.

My body remembered you first -

a thousand lifetimes of touch,

aching under my ribs,

buzzing in my blood.

The space between us burned.

I could taste the music between your breath and mine,

a rhythm older than memory.

It wasn't polite.

It wasn't gentle.

It was hunger - raw, electric, holy.

In that one look,

the distance between our bodies

and all the miles we'd crossed

collapsed into a single, shattering truth:

I have known you forever,

and my body has been waiting

just for yours.

[danielleelizabethhh]

Before I Knew Your Name

There was an ache inside me,

long before I knew why-

a hallow hunger carved into my ribs,

a silent place waiting to be filled.

I moved through lifetimes of chaos,

hands brushing past strangers,

hearts missing beats

for the wrong song.

And then-

without warning, without map-

you appeared.

Not as a stranger,

but as a forgotten part of me

that had been wandering too.

Your voice was the sound

I had dreamt in secret,

your eyes a language

I almost forgotten how to speak.

In the spaces between words,

I knew you-

in the way rivers know the pull of the sea,

in the way stars remember the dark.

We were never new, you and I.

Only lost.

Only waiting.

And now,

I recognize myself in you -

the missing, the ache,

the fire and fragile hope.

Distance will be our friend.

Before I new your name,

I was already loving you.

[danielleelizabethhh]

Lately

4/26/25

9:44pm

It's been a whirlwind of drastic changes- I always found myself in relationships and not truly ever being independent. Let's call it settling. Even through my addiction I was never alone, the drugs were my company. I believe for the first time I am finally becoming solely dependent on myself. I left the life that was provided for me financially and even though I was comfortable, there was still something that I felt that was missing. Constantly searching for a foreign feeling. I didn't see myself going through a divorce so young and quick. It is a terrifying place to be when there's that comfort knowing bills will always be paid, and money wasn't an issue for the most part, until it's not. I made the decision to walk away from what was "comfortable" in order to find my own independence, and better yet, myself. Working full time and juggling being a college student, going through these motions have tested my limits, sure but I pushed through. Here I am only a few weeks later, sleeping in my very own place for the second night, surrounded by my things in my bubble that I have and will continue to create. I know that there will be struggles, and I will have to work a thousand times harder because I am on my own. I suppose what I am trying to say is that the gravitational pull I felt for so many years I have been ignoring has awoken and I'm finally listening to it.

[danielleelizabethhh]

Things started getting out of control when I had to give my arms and hands a break from digging into them with a needle, over and over again. Between breaking rigs into my skin, and constantly fighting to hit a vein, I knew it was time to start considering other options. I was becoming sicker and sicker each moment wasted on trying to register my shot.

By this point I was broken up with my ex, but we started hanging out again, it was hard for us to be separated from each other for longer than a few weeks. He noticed something was different with me, “What have you done to yourself?”, my ex says to me as I go to pull down my pants to continue exploring to find visible veins that I could inject some heroin and cocaine into. Little did he know that my habit grew worse and worse after us being not together. His surprised face was no longer surprised, then he realized the monster he created.

[danielleelizabethhh]

Things started getting out of control when I had to give my arms and hands a break from digging into them with a needle, over and over again. Between breaking rigs into my skin, and constantly fighting to hit a vein, I knew it was time to start considering other options. I was becoming sicker and sicker each moment wasted on trying to register my shot.

By this point I was broken up with my ex, but we started hanging out again, it was hard for us to be separated from each other for longer than a few weeks. He noticed something was different with me, “What have you done to yourself?”, my ex says to me as I go to pull down my pants to continue exploring to find visible veins that I could inject some heroin and cocaine into. Little did he know that my habit grew worse and worse after us being not together. His surprised face was no longer surprised, then he realized the monster he created.

[danielleelizabethhh]

Acid eyes and late nights

When we were younger

Talking from the heart

Sharing the same experience in that moment of bliss

How alone we thought we were

Two star crossed lovers sharing the same journey

The gateway to the universe reveals its hidden messages

How special we thought we were

When we were younger

Acid eyes and late nights

[danielleelizabethhh]

I want to know what arouses you, what lingers behind the shadows of closed doors.

Be playful-no, I want you to be honest-

Tell me the things you only whisper in the pages of your jornal.

It’s perfectly alright if there are sharp edges, if the ink runs red instead of black through out my body, words carved into my flesh.

Please show me, not with words, but with your hands.

First,

Blindfold me in silence,

Make me hold my breath with restraint,

And whisper in my ear,

Who god truly is.

[danielleelizabethhh]

He’s the guy in the background

The one everyone goes too, but the one who stays invisible.

The guy who’s so mysterious and comes out in the night.

He’s the guy who creates the most beautiful sculptures, he’s misunderstood by most.

His DNA is made up of star dust and fragments of the universe, he doesn’t belong here.

[danielleelizabethhh]

Dream Journal

2.6.25

You and I.

I knew it was a dream and it felt like we had so much catching up to do. I was telling you how I ran my DNA and that I was Scottish and Germanic European. You seemed so happy to see me and have me share the things you have missed. There was a moment when you tucked my hair behind my ear, and kissed me gently.

This morning I woke up from this dream realizing that so much time has passed for the both of us, and now you’re on the other side of life. We have always been spiritually connected and even more so now, through my dreams.

[danielleelizabethhh]

Is it bad that I still think of you during those intimate moments?

[danielleelizabethhh]

I just was thinking about back when I was using drugs and being able to sleep in a motel room was one of the most fantastic feelings because I didn’t have to sleep in the car, or worry about where I would be laying my head at night.

I use to think the motel beds were so comfortable, and it was such a blessing I was sleeping in a room for a night.

Summer time wasn’t always difficult because the weather was always warm, come winter time…now that would be a struggle because it would get beyond cold outside.

There’s times when I think about driving to the dope house in the middle of a snow storm covered in blankets because it was just so cold.

Sometimes I miss it. The struggle can be real, it’s difficult to separate those times and come back into reality. As awful as those moments were, there’s a part of me that really misses those days.

xx

[danielleelizabethhh]

There’s something that’s alluring about death. I can’t seem to pin point why it is so beautiful to me.

[danielleelizabethhh]

Hard truth

I didn’t think that your death would affect me the way that it did. Who am I kidding? I knew I would miss you more now that you’re gone.

1.16.24

[danielleelizabethhh]

“The moment you decide to move on is the moment they’ll never forget.”

d.n

[danielleelizabethhh]

“She’s a death wish waiting to happen. I just hope that she tells her loved ones she loves them before it’s too late. “

d.n xx

[danielleelizabethhh]

“She covers herself in black eyeliner and smokes her cigarettes in hope that someone will tell her she’s beautiful. “

d.n xx

[danielleelizabethhh]

“It’s better sometimes to sit in the endless thoughts of sadness and what-ifs, go ahead and drown yourself in pain because it’s the only thing that will make you feel alive”

d.n

xx