esseci

[esseci]

I am sad and lonely,

But I have chocolate.

.

.

.

@esseci

[esseci]

Meet me at our spot.

It's kinda creepy, It's kinda blue.

The way I see it, we're gonna lose.

I don't remember where we met.

I don't remember when or how.

What I know is what I need,

it's not just you or your skin.

It's the smell of a Sunday morning by the river, with your head in a book and a coffee in your hand.

I need that perfect smile when you read a secret thought that a character just had and you saw it in your mind.

I need the smell of your t-shirt around me.

In these moments, I search for us.

Hoping to piece us together the way we were in our past.

Trying to find the shadows of what once was,

make us whole again.

Breathing this moment in as we're still here.

.

.

.

- EsseCi -

[esseci]

- Tiptoe -

Today, I feel like tip-toeing around myself.

Inside, I want to scream. - Outside, It's just me.

Even though it's not painful,

It feels like my skin is hitting myself from the inside.

There's a light electric feeling right under my skin

that wants to get out, but can't

and it charges me in the worst possible way.

I feel like I'm exploding,

so I tiptoe,

try not to fall.

.

.

.

- EsseCi -

[esseci]

.

I'm not sure I can breath.

There's something wrong in me -

It's deep, It's dark, It's nothing I can see.

It's so dense all I can do is give in.

The more I tried to fight,

the less I can hold the air in my lungs.

The chest is closing up,

I don't know how long I'll stare at my feet.

There is a voice somewhere not far,

Not the one I know.

Not yours anymore.

[esseci]

For those who remember this (yeah, I know)

It's been a while, again.

I'm not feeling myself, again.

I thought maybe start writing again could help me sort things out.

I'm back, again.

What came back this time was a massive amount of caos in my mind, wit a bit of tears and low self esteem.

Maybe that it'll improve my writing skills.

It's been a while.

I haven't wrote anything in a while now,

I was a bit down.

Now I'm feeling a little less than a mess and more like myself.

Glad I could come back,

I'll be here for what comes next.

[esseci]

I don't know

What I feel -

and when I know,

I don't understand why.

@esseci

[esseci]

@esseci

[esseci]

I can't

I can't let myself fall for you.

I can't stand myself for it.

I can't forgive me for it.

I won't and I know I can't go through that again.

@essechp

[esseci]

Usciamo?

Posso tenerti la mano?

Portami a ballare.

Andiamo via.

Posso baciarti?

“Non ci conosciamo” – “Lo so.

Conoscersi, chiacchierare, litigare, chiedersi scusa, prendersi in giro, baciarsi, ballare, fare l’amore.

“Ci conosciamo?”

Prendimi per mano.

Prendimi. Per. Mano.

@essechp

[esseci]

Little by little

We don't need to talk,

We don't need to text.

We don't need to "meet each other again"

- We know.

We need time to heal,

little by little.

Step by step.

Tomorrow, it will hurt a little less,

as the next day and the day after.

Little by little.

@essechp

[esseci]

P.

You just need to say the word.

[esseci]

Don't give up on me

Don't give up on me

just because we're in the same bed

don't give up on me

just because we're still engaged

don't give up on me

just because we're toghere since...

don't give up on me

just because we're used to us.

don't give up on me

just because we're still smiling sometimes

I won't smile again, if you don't mind me enough.

I won't be there again, if you don't mind me.

I'll give up on us, if you do so.

@essechp

[esseci]

And anyway, despite everything that day I choose to not visit you.

I thought it was better that way, I'm always like that.

I love keep the memory of the people the matters they way they would love it too.

The way I need to. And that probably weren't you.

I even made a silly joke about the make up they had to put on you. But let's state the facts: noone knew how to do make up better that you and I'm sure you were probably pissed about that job.

I decided not to enter that room, I stood outiside all day, I visit your boyfriend, for more then a reason; I needed to see with my own eyes the truth.

I needed to be there for a friend. I needed to know if those were really you two.

But I couldn't see you. I wanted to remember the amazing, smart, strong and beautiful, full of life woman I had the pleasure to met.

You and your laught. That amazing smile I'll keep it close in my mind and heart for as long as my mind will keep up with me.

Your attitude I'd die for, the humor I don't have the balls to use and the proudly pose.

You were right, there will always be just one Queen Bee 🐝

I'm just sorry, I couldn't known you better.

I really, really, wanted to and that's what I most regret.

Until we meet again.

[esseci]

18-19 Settembre 2021 - BS

[esseci]

DUDEEEESSSS, here we are.

IT'S BILINGUAL, cause I'm an idiot and I saw that I actually prefer writing in english, even if sometimes I write something in Italian too, but only for longer story/narrative kind, not poems and this kind of stuff... SO I changed the preview and even if you'll find a few poems only in italien, most of this "book" is in ENG.

Please, check it out (?) if you're following you'll see that most stuff was alredy published here, but there are and will be something new too.

[esseci]

Butterflies in my head.

I've dreamt about you.

An imaginary place in my mind,

We've taken each other before falling and hit the ground,

It seemed so real.

It hit me like a thunderbolt.

A stolen kiss in the dim light of the room,

Butterflies with the warmth of your arms.

I've fallen asleep, curled up next to you,

I've closed my eyes with the smell of your pillow,

Knowing, for the first time in a while, that I was in a safe place.

Where just us were allowed to enter.

I should've known there what it was.

I've closed my eyes next to you and the dark wasn't scary anymore.

.

.

.

A slap in the face, an icy shower, a thunderbolt.

.

And my eyes were once again open.

@essechp

[esseci]

Ti ho sognato in un posto che non c'è

Un parco immaginario

Ci siamo presi al volo prima di cadere dai pattini

Eppure è sembrato così reale

Un fulmine a ciel sereno

Un bacio nell'ombra

Il ricordo del calore delle tue braccia

e le farfalle nello stomaco.

Uno schiaffo, una doccia fredda

e gli occhi aperti.

@essechp