glowinthedarkbats

[glowinthedarkbats]

Everyime I see the ship name dickory I think I’m about to read a post about someone Dickin around and messing things up.

Also because apparently I can’t read every time I saw discowing I read it as dis-cow-ing like your dissing a cow

[glowinthedarkbats]

The Bird and the Bastard AU.

What if John Constantine became Damians' weird adopted uncle?

John Constantine was travelling through hell when he found him, a child, a boys very soul being tortured. He didn't look more than twelve, and the kid took the torture with dry eyes and clenched teeth.

It makes John sick. He is so small, baby fat still on his cheeks. This kid is here for all eternity because he thinks he deserves it. There's few other ways for someone so young to end up here. Their guilt shackles them to the torment for all of eternity.

John wants to scream until the child feels his horror.

Until the boy realises this is wrong.

But he just stares back with dead eyes.

So John Constantine does what he has done a few times before and reaches out.

He wretches the soul out of the Demons grip and kills any who try to take it. The boy only blink up at him with green eyes.

Jon gets them away from the demons now in pursuit and pulls the soul into his arms gently, chanting an old spell in hopes that it will allow the boy to leave this awful place.

"Why?" John almost misses it. The question is so quiet it amongst the din.

"What was that mate?"

"Why are you helping me?" The boy has an accent but speaks with no emotion.

"Because a kid doesn't deserve damnation, trust me. I've met some pretty shitty brats, but even they never deserved this."

"I do."

"You are a child. Children don't deserve to suffer, ever."

"I've killed people!" The boy shouts.

John takes a breath and grabs the boys the shoulders.

"What age are you?"

"I died at ten years old." John winces, the soul was practically a baby.

"Most ten year olds don't kill because they like it. They do it because they dont have a choice, especially one that feels guilty about it."

"Who says I feel guilty?" The boys snaps.

John laughs, a hard and bitter thing. "Most people in hell are only here because of their own guilt and shame. That or they make a deal with a demon, and most ten year olds may not be able to do that."

The boy looks away, and John sighs, he clearly doesn't believe it. "How did you die?"

The boy hesitates momentarily. "Mother sent someone to kill me. I died protecting my brother and father."

"Shit, that's fucked up Mate, But it proves you don’t deserve to be here. People aren't just good or evil. There are some right old dickheads out there that deserve hell but not a child, never a child who should have been given the chance to change, especially not someone who died to protect their family. As a Dickhead myself I can tell you You are too good for any of this."

The boy let's a few tears finally fall, but they are quickly wiped away. John doesn't hug him, can't really even if he wanted to.

He finishes the spell and releases the poor soul hoping he'll find some peace.

"You deserve more, I just know it." John says before wandering off.

Damian didn't expect to come back from the dead. Never dreamed his family would fight to bring him back. He was deemed a failure, nothing worth saving.

Knowing Father, Grandfather, his brothers, and sisters all tried to revive him feels surreal. He never would have predicted they would want him.

He still has nightmares, though. Where visions of flames and phantom torture keep him from truly resting.

But at the end of every bad dream, Damian is engulfed in soothing warmth and pulled from the pain. A rough voice with an English accent telling him he's good.

At first, he thought maybe he was hearing Pennyworth, but the accent and language were far different from what the butler uses.

Damian couldn't place the voice, so it made sense that it was just his imagination. The illusion was still comforting, so maybe he could allow himself this one childish flight of fancy.

He dare not mention it to his family. They don't even know he went to Hell.

So Damian goes about his days with memories of comfort he isn't sure are real. Until one day he goes to the Watchtower for a world ending crisis.

With every possible hero called in for the crisis, there are bound to be several personal dramas taking place at all times. Damian arrives to find some heroes who have taken exception to the suicide squad being here.

He watches in contempt at the hypocrites until they start hurling insults that he can't ignore anymore.

"They don't deserve redemption! They're monsters!"

Damian steps up before his brothers can hold him back. "I do not care what your personal beliefs are, but if someone wants to help. Let them help. No one here has the power to decide who is beyond redemption. Far be it for imbeciles such as yourself, to turn down what may save all of us."

And just as the heroes are about to scream at Robin or possibly physically attack him, a portal opens in the middle of the meeting room.

"Well said mate, Bats, you made a half decent kid, there."

Damian starts at the dishevelled man with a cigarette hanging from his mouth.

"You!"

The man stops and raises a brow. "Me? Look, I dont know what you've heard, but I can-"

"You're real!" Damian is now having a minor crisis. His imaginary friend is a real-life man who needs a shower.

"Yes? You alright there, mate?" Batman is now staring while the other leaguers look on mystified.

Damian reaches out and hesitantly pokes the trench coat. "You got me out of hell."

John drops his cigarette. "Shite"

Damian hears his family gasp and question when exactly he was in hell, but he ignores it.

Damian tries to clear the lump that rises in his throat. "Thank you for saving me."

Constantine takes a breathe as the other gawk at him.

"No problem, Mate, but I am wondering how you came back to life."

Damian shrugs, "My family rescued me."

The warlock looks up at the gathered bats and nods like that explains everything.

Damian interrupts before John asks more questions. "I shall repay you one day."

It's John's turn to look surprised. "As much as I appreciate that, I don't accept favours from minors, repayment is a serious thing."

Robin glares. "I am not naive enough to not be held to my word."

John looks at the stubborn set of his shoulders. "No."

Robin looks like he is holding back a pout and stamping his foot. "I do not like to be in debt."

John sighs, "There is no debt, mate"

Robin does not look convinced, but Batman corals his son before Constantine has to deal with him.

The crisis is averted, and the world is saved, yet it is only the beginning of John's Problems.

Robin pops up everywhere, demanding he be allowed to repay him. The little gremlin child has even convinced the house of mysteries to let him. John doesn't even know how he did that.

And now the damn house prefers the kid to its owner!

Robin shows up during jobs, in the pub, John even finds him in the kitchen making waffles one day. (They were delicious, but John refused to give him the satisfaction.)

Robin just appears whenever John is in danger with a katanna and protects him like the worlds strangest dog.

After months of this and John literally running out of places to hide. (He suspects Zantanna is helping the little shit.) The hellblaiser starts to begrudgingly accept the brats' presence.

He starts giving him talismans and protection sigil because if he insists on following, John is not explaining to Batman how he let his son die again.

Robin, who insists on sharing his real name, Damian Wayne is good student and John takes to throwing spell books at him once he catches him in the library a few too many times.

Robin becomes an adept magic user astoundingly fast.

Swamp thing now only talks to Damian and ignores Jon completely! The damn green even builds Damian a conservatory in the house of mysteries and John doesn't even know how they managed that!

John is losing his mind.

Damian even starts replacing his cigarettes! And the house helps him! Every time John goes to light one, it turns into a stick of celery!

When asked or angrily confronted, the boy shrugs and says his vow to repay his debt is only good if John is alive to see it.

Damian then shows him a slideshow on a healthy diet and lifestyle choices. The damn house doesn't even let him portal away!

The bats don't necessarily approve of their new friendship, John learns. He is threatened by the Nightwing of all people. John deescalated the situation when Damian came to his defence. He distracts the gremlin with a talking fish and portals the confused Nightwing away before Robin follows them.

They predictably end up in a pub, and after they get drunk together, John accidentally explains why Damian is so set on repaying him that he has to deal with two bats pledging their loyalty to him.

(Dick cries and doesn't let go of his baby for hours the next morning, whispering reassurance, love, and praise while Damian glares at a hungover John.)

At least Dick is a good drinking partner even if he joins Damian in breaking into his multidimensional house. They have their own rooms now!!

Zantanna admits to helping them when she kidnaps Damian for a quick adventure.

John starts training Damian seriously after a few Demons show up in Gotham. The bat twitches everytime Damian gets referred to as the apprentice by the Justice League Dark but Damian solves all of Gothams magic issues now so he doesn't complain that Constantine basically stole his son.

John tries to explain that it was very much the opposite, but no one will listen to him. But John, despite his best efforts, finds himself growing fond of the boy that has life in his eyes now, so different from when he first met him in hell.

For his birthday, Constantine even gets him a demon slaying sword with Jason Blood. The boy smiles as he unwraps it, and John feels almost glad.

It's hard not to feel close to someone when you have held their literal soul in your hands, no matter how many magic creatures the brat brings to the house of mysteries.

The boy decides to become a doctor and when old Batsy disapproves he moves in with John.

(John found out about his roommate a week after it happened. The house is ridiculously smug.)

Damian comes out to him unnecessarily at 16, and when he asks about John's own romantic history, it's a very awkward conversation.

Dick drags them to pride where all three wear the bi flags and paint on their faces.

He gets Damian his first piercing, his first drink, and introduces him to good grunge music.

So much to the suprise of John more than anyone else, he finds himself quite protective of his little hellion over the years.

And when the tiny super starts flirting with his almost, sort of nephew, John Constantine decides they need to have a chat.

It becomes more apparent when Damian saves his best friends life from a pissed off witch and they make out over it.

John could have lived a long life without seeing his apprentice playing tonsil tennis.

Jonathan Kent is a good lad, and John has no room to judge anybody romantic endeavours, but despite his best efforts, he cares about the boy that came back from hell and decided he could be redeemed.

The shovel talk is severely undercut when he goes to light a cigarette, and it turns into a carrot.

Luckily, the house is much more intimidating. Whenever Jon Kent comes to pick Damian up for a date, it leads him on a worldwide scavenger hunt.

It is funny to watch the bugger panic about being late, only to be thirty minutes early.

The first time Constantine finds Superman's spawn in his kitchen without a shirt he lights him on fire.

Damian's pissed but his boyfriend is fine, mostly.

The house finds it funny and lets him have a cigarette.

[glowinthedarkbats]

no dna test required

[glowinthedarkbats]

She showed up at the last minute still drunk to pick up her dog after a week of partying off planet, called Superman a bitch, and left. I love her already.

[glowinthedarkbats]

Damian: …

Stephanie: raises her sunglasses

Damian:..

Stephanie: “what, you clearly wanna say something so say it”

Damian: “we have no pool it is closed from damage, and we are in a heat warning so why have you deemed it neccasary to go outside and lay on towels… unless this is some new type of training exerci-”

Stephanie: “tanning”

Damian: “okay, is it a training method”

Stephanie “no not really, someone compared me to Tim today.”

Damian: “is this a bad thing, although his habits are atrocious he is quite smart”

Stephanie: “no I just don’t wanna look so pale and pasty.”

Damian: “so you would rather obtain skin cancer?”

Stephanie: “yup, you know it’s not a skin color it’s a life style, you gotta keep the tan up Dami”

Damian: “??”

Stephanie: “ you know, Like the family guy quote? We should watch family guy together”

Damian: “absolutely not that is a completely moronic idea, I must go inside before the sun takes ahold of me like it must have done you, would me like me to asses you for heatstroke?.”

[glowinthedarkbats]

Bruce Wayne has been secretly joining all the tea parties thrown by the mothers in Dick's class. He just woke up yesterday with an injured child acrobat in the next room and he needs some guidance. So he's taking this on as part of his new routine. The ladies of the tea party? absolutely adore him.

Linda: Yeah, so I said "No, honey, you can't break the rules we've set. I have to keep my word and you have to keep yours." So I had to ground him for a week.

Bruce, writing down intently: And what did he say?

Linda, fully aware that she is raising the parent in this man: He got upset and slammed doors and threw a bit of a tantrum, but then that evening he apologized for his behavior and we cuddled on the couch and talked about our feelings.

Bruce: Oh.

(Fifteen years later, when Damian enters the academy, he is the head of the tea party and he is the one giving the advice. His children will never know.)

[glowinthedarkbats]

I love fanon antics

Alfred is an immortal spirit guarding the house? Yea that makes sense

Dick doesn’t like the dentist because the first time he went with Bruce he got cotton candy paste and it reminded him of the circus so he got sad. I’d believe that, he’s ten and homesick let the boy cry.

Jason came to the manor with a copy of Alice in wonderland his mom read out loud to him every night. duh he needs something to get him through

Tim wrote self insert Batman fanfic. Yea and it has the most kudos

As Damion gets older he mellows out and becomes someone people go to to tell them their woes? That is the only course of action that seems right.

[glowinthedarkbats]

Sorry for dumping this in your inbox but you're kind of my go to for fact checking characterization of the al Ghuls so apologize in advance.

I just saw this skit on tiktok about Alfred giving Damian the belt (if you know what I mean) for Damian supposedly tell him as that he's a servant and it's his job to clean his room. Skit's words, not mine.

Genuinely, what is with people's obsession with seeing Damian get treated like that? Sure Damian maybe be mean at times but there are better ways to correct him than to hurt him. Why do some 'fans' want to see him hurt like that and by people in the comics that they claim are supposedly 'better' than his maternal side? Which is bs on so many levels.

As a person who deeply likes Damian's character, just can't wrap my mind around it. It's just wild to me that people would want a child to be hurt like that.

It's fine! I'm happy to be interacting with people and genuinely excited to have you here!! No apologies needed 🫶♥️

I'm flattered that you think of me as your go-to for fact-checking when it comes to the characterisation of the al-Ghuls, but I would also recommend you to check in with other people as well (my idol is literally @rasalghul777 and @daminette-56 . I also tend to fall back on their post just in case I say something incorrect) 😭 but thank you so much bb that's like the highest form of compliment I would ever hope to receive.

So, this is my totally normal and definitely not exaggerated reaction to that information:

Before I went on my (presumably) off-tangent rant— did the person doing the skit have an overly obnoxious face while playing as Damian? Did they stomp their feet as well? Maybe cross their hands and roll their eyes so much, the muscle must've developed? Because that's what I've been observing when people put Damian in these types of scenarios.

They portrayed Damian as an overly bratty, spoiled, sometimes helpless rich kid that just demands things and fully expects it to be handed directly at him— which, I admit, can sometimes be the case, but not in the way you'd expect it.

I assume this whole skit was either derived or inspired from that one scene from Son of Batman movie where Damian, who just recently arrived, asked Alfred to prepare him some tea. He asked it to be peculiarly made; brown sugar instead of white, freshly cut lemon, a china cup. Nothing outrageous.

He was also perfectly calm while saying that, just a boy asking someone who he thought was working for his father as a butler for something to drink. Sure, it would be nice to have some improvement in the politeness department, but other than that it was a perfectly reasonable request said in a perfectly acceptable manner.

It's confusing and weird on so many levels how these fans allowed the BatFam to perpetuate abuse/actions that are borderline on abuse in the name of discipline and would later look at you dead in the eyes while saying that they are, in fact, better than Damian's maternal family on so many levels, even though they'd scream wolf the moment Talia or Ra's does the same thing.

I get it— Damian isn't exactly a child sent from above, but there're many ways to correct him/discipline him, especially on things with nuance.

I know that the BatFam shouldn't exactly be the most accommodating, and I don't expect them to bend at Damian's every will just to fight off the allegations, but I feel like it's almost hypocritical that Damian also has to walk as if he's stepping on glass in fear he'd say the wrong thing and got hurt because of it.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again; the way Damian behaves, however bratty, does not entitle others to hit him.

I'm well aware that some people are tough nuts to crack, some might require a stricter way, but the line between discipline and abuse blurs easily especially when it comes to children. Damian isn't exempted from this, no matter how you wish to twist the fact to make it seem he's more mature as is. Because he's not.

These types of scenarios are frequent fantasies I've seen BatFam fanon fans often have of Damian— have him act all brattier than he actually was and have someone (more often than not, a white man) correct him. Yell at him, scolded or even hit him. I know I can't shout abuse each time Damian is slightly mistreated, but, like, put him in another situation?

Why are you fantasizing about this hypothetical scenario of Damian getting beaten by imagining him acting brattier, and celebrating the supposed justice served?? Shall I fetch you your pills?

In the same vein, it's the same type of icky I feel whenever people make Damian screaming how he's the only blood son and, therefore, should have more privilege only for one of his adoptive siblings said how he's the only one Bruce didn't choose/didn't want. Like, wow.

[glowinthedarkbats]

In an au in my head It’s a very we’ll known public fact that Brucie Wayne has a bit of a crush on Superman based on the interviews, talk shows, merch, and the fact that over the years he’s accumulated no less than seven cardboard cut outs in varying degrees of clothed, drawing stuck on his fridge, watching Superman edits in his office at work, and hell one of his kids even printed out a fanfic and it sits in his bookshelf.

It’s all fake of course to keep up the secret identity but sometimes it feels a little to real. watching him try to deny it, it’s like watching a very clearly gay man deny only liking football for the sweaty men

The worst part is Superman knows, Lois brings it up every chance she gets, he can never look these people in the eyes again.

[glowinthedarkbats]

Maybe the real reason Bruce Wayne can’t cook is because just the kitchen in Wayne manor is cursed, or haunted. Everywhere else he’s Gordon Ramsey level but the second he enters that kitchen it’s over, fires are set, pots are dropped, things are burned, it’s catastrophic level damage

[glowinthedarkbats]

If a Big singer tours in Gotham city it would be real funny to rank the artist by how many bats show up (but it’s really just security measures.)

Stadiums are massive places that hold so many people and if someone like scarecrow showed up with fear gas or something everything would go so wrong so fast, not to mention that crowded places like that are already kinda dangerous in general.

So it starts how it it always does, Batman being his paranoid self and thinking of everything that could go wrong decides to monitor from far away at first, as the night goes on he gets closer and while nothing ends up happening the first few times there are a few instances of suspicious activity it all is very inconsequential.

Just in case Batman attended quite a few of these concerts this way and eventually as always, robin ends up finding out and demands to go, although robin has been trained to stay hidden in the shadows with all of his excitement he ends up getting spotted once or twice

The singer quickly finds themselves being questioned on if they knew robin was in attendance and if Batman was there and then seeing this more superhero’s end up going to these concerts which then turns into a meme of being good enough for somebody know to show up.

In later years there’s pictures of of the batkids sitting on the roof in beat-up-bat-themed folding chairs looking like they would rather be anywhere else or like they just won a puppy

it becomes a sort of family bonding activity for them and they find themselves fighting over who gets to go to what and certain artist become punishments.

(Also If Taylor swift went to Gotham she would totally play robin as a surprise song probably with suburban legends as well or something akin to that combination.)

[glowinthedarkbats]

They’re all such nepotism babies and I love them for it.

“What do you mean you’ve never meet Taylor swift?”

“You can’t ride a horse???”

“Oh this? It’s our annual trip to London and china to experience more culture, you don’t do that?”

“The Bugatti is what I learned to drive in lol”

I need them to be assholes about how rich they are sometimes, and I need them to have no idea about how much groceries cost and give someone a hundred bucks to get them a soda.

I'm gonna need the batkids (especially the one who lives or lived at the manor at least) to act like the rich persons they are, and I need their friends (the YJ, titans or the outlaws, or just any friends really) to have a moment of realization that the person they are talking to is actually a child or a ward of a billionaire.

I also need them to have that Damian moment where he first thought that the manor is small and Bruce is poor because he only has Alfred as a "servant", but in a more subtle way. Like they are visiting a friends house and they looked for something they thought is normal in every house but is not. (like a bidet or something idk I'm poor unlike them)

I also need them to use that richness to their advantage like chalking up incidents as a rich person behavior because I rarely see fics that does it.

[glowinthedarkbats]

I would like to think the robins have a shared social media account that’s been passed down and most of it’s content is just stupid stuff seen on patrol

occasionally there’s a rant about Batman or a psa on certain topics that are prevalent to a case which are always surprisingly very educational and they have facts and stats and sources in them.

They force the other hero’s to make cameos too, or just slowly pan over to wonder woman (or anyone in the justice leave really) standing behind them seemingly preoccupied with something else.

Once in a while someone will stumble on their account and confuse them for a great cosplayer ( in my head the entirety of whatever platform thought robin was an overconfident daredevil wannabe cosplayer until some sort of natural disaster happened and robin was in the news and they got asked about social media somehow and it comes out he is in fact NOT a cosplayer and It causes a bit of a panic when everyone who follows robin rewatched everything with new a perspective)

Also Batman is aware of the accounts he’s just too tired to do anything about it, and anything he’s tried hasn’t worked. (They kids just really love the attention

Once the account gets to Damian they others have to convince him to participate but when he gets the hang of it they have to do all the stupid ticktock trends to “stay prevalent within the confines of what society has deemed worthy of attention”

[glowinthedarkbats]

I love them

Maybe some Super Sons?

super sons!

[glowinthedarkbats]

I think if dick Grayson was a Taylor swift album he would be speak now (live tour edition) because of all the anger he holds and the fact he would not be afraid to name drop like that

he would also be folklore ( mostly becuase of the tightrope line in mirror hall (I’m still on that tightrope still trying everything to get you laughing at me) all and the imagery In seven and to me it seems like somone reminiscing specifically the line “although I can’t recall your face I still got love for you your braids like a pattern” it feels like although he can’t remember his parents face specifically he still remembers all the love and memories (like watching his parents get ready for the show)

Jason Todd would be red and the tortured poets departmeant.

Red because of all the highs and Lowe’s and the poetry and when he was robin (I stand by the fact that he was the happy robin and will die in that hill) everything was magic and it was like a state of grace or holy ground (at this point I’m just trying to shove song titles in)

The tortured poets departmeant because it really captured the pain and anger he had and it’s all around a very heavy hitting album especially the manuscripts with the lines “the professor said to write what you know looking backwards might be the only way to move forward” and it’s also kind of about letting go.

Tim drake would listen to the albums just so hes aware of all the major pop culture refrances but he wouldn’t have a favorite ( in my head he listens to heavy rap idk why) but midnights would be his most liked one ( I have no real reasoning for this btw)

Stephane would he lover ofc and not just because she’s glitter gel pen kinda girl but becuas of the deep anxiety embedded within the entire album and fear of losing people

Cass would be reputation because she’s a baddie ( also I don’t know that much about her I’m so sorry I’m working on it. Does anyone know what else she’s in that I can read or watch?)

Damian would be debut because it’s essentially trying to find a place in the world and belonging somewhere and also the Kent’s country music tastes rubbed of on him

Damian would also be Evermore because I can see him drawing with it playing serenely In the background but also because of the lyric’s like “sometimes to run is the brave thing sometimes walking out is the one thing that can find you the right thing” and I see that with leaving the assassin thing behind and long story short with the words “ when I dropped my sword threw it in the bushes and nocked on your door and we live in peace but if someone comes at us this time I’m ready” I just think he’d relate to it.

The Brucie Wayne persona would be 1989 for sure like blank space and New Romantics scream Brucie Wayne

Batman would specifically be Carolina from where the crawdads sing, eyes open from the hinger games, and the Alcott (ft Taylor swift) hes just a very melodramatic guy in a cinematic kinda way

Bruce Wayne himself would be the live from Paris/ live lounge for reasons I can’t explain it just makes sense in my head.

[glowinthedarkbats]

bruce (and selina) for my superbat college au <3 (selina is a lesbian… as a sexy woman villain obsessed with cats should be…) selina and bruce are based on the batman (2022).

clark (and maybe a fic) hopefully coming soon! details under the cut

[glowinthedarkbats]

Nap time at Wayne Manor :)