h0wsenselessdeath

[h0wsenselessdeath]

[h0wsenselessdeath]

Dinner

Low sodium rice cake x2 80

Low-fat laughing cow cheese 25

1/4 Cucumber 8

1/2 Banana 60

Peanut butter chocolate powder 60

🌸🍌233🍌🌸

Breakfast

Large banana 120

3 strawberries 20

10 Almonds 70

🌸🍌210🍌🌸

Lunch (while attending a party)

Tuna pack 110

Homemade shortbread cookie w/ icing 420

Nerds rope 90

🍰🌸🧁520🧁🌸🍰

🍡 🌼💕🌸963🌸💕🌼🍡

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More oatmeal

Fruits

Chocolate peanut butter powder

Sugar free red bull

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🥒1/3Cucumber

🍌1/2 Banana

🧀Laughing Cow light cheese 26

🍞1/2 whole grain bread 40

🥜87% less fat peanut butter powder 35

❤️1 tsp brown sugar 1 1

🍊1 Cutie 35

🥜5 Almonds 35

 🌼🌸243🌸🌼

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🥣Oatmeal 160

🍓1/2cup strawberries 25

🖤1/2 blackberries 35

☕️Coffee 5

🍶Creamer 100

💖325💖

[h0wsenselessdeath]

I think I will starts posting my meals each day.

Make it cute and aesthetic.

Water (ft.this cup) an apple and gum

[h0wsenselessdeath]

Having BPD feels like being stabbed over and over for years until one day, I wake up and I’m not in pain anymore. Not because it’s gone, but because I’ve gone numb. Now it just feels like I’m walking around with my stomach split open, dragging my own intestines behind me.

I’m still bleeding. I just don’t flinch anymore.

[h0wsenselessdeath]

I started my career about 8 months ago working as a wastewater laboratory analyst(sounds bad, but it's a big stepping stone into furthering my career). I am a 21 year old female and I'm the youngest and ONLY female on the premises. My co-workers and I are all close since there's only 6 employees working at the plant. Me and one particular coworker (41) were close friends for the first 5-6 months, and I enjoyed coming to work and joking around with him and my other worker(27). I have bipolar1 and recently, my mental health has taken a turn for the worst. Because of this I have stopped caring about my health and appearance. I don't look unkempt but I went from dressing up everyday and wearing makeup, to jeans a hoodie and converse. Since then, my coworkers "jokes" have been out of control and gone a bit too far. Commenting on my lack of makeup, weight, clothes and asking me EVERY DAY if I am a lesbian now because of my outfits???(wtf). Everything I do or say is commented on and I feel like I cannot leave my lab without hearing a funny little "joke" about the way I sound, walk, or dress ect... Theyre always making rude remarks on how I preform my job and I get made fun of for doing my job "correctly"...... I feel very alone and do not leave my work area or speak to anyone anymore because of this. I would contact hr but because my plant has such little employees they would know it is me who made the complaint and I would.jusy get more shit for.doing that rather that speaking to them face to face(which I would do but I would start crying immediately...I know 🙄smh). I'm not really looking for suggestions, I guess???? I just wanted to vent and get it out of my brain. I'm also not sure if Tumblr is meant for these kinds of posts or not 🤷‍♀️. Disregard my lack of punctuation and grammar. I don't care enough to fix it.

[h0wsenselessdeath]

Uh, so my cyclothymic ass is having a bit of a mixed episode at the moment... (yeah, I'm bipolar as well as autistic, it's a fun combination!)

Imagine feeling like you've just drunk twenty cups of coffee in a row, you have anxiety out the wazoo, you're ready to blow at the slightest provocation, your thoughts are tormenting you, they're like quicksilver, you can't catch them, you can't rest but you also can't focus, you want to do something desperately but you don't know what the fuck it is, you want it all to stop but you have no idea when, or even if, it will and you so badly want to climb out of your own skin and into that of a sane person that it hurts...

Luckily I had some work I prepared earlier so I can still post (I have a story I mean to upload when I can get my brain to focus for a few minutes) but damn it sure will be nice when this passes...