hypnogoopgardennerd

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Do I get bitches? Idk, do I own a cat shaped charcuterie board with mouse cheese knife?

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"No, because Robin-Man sounds stupid." BABY DICK GRAYSON IS A NATIONAL TREASURE.

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Dick: Knowing what to do in an emergency is very important, so I'll teach you some basic first aid procedures. For example, what would you do if I got stabbed?

Damian: Avenge you.

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I like to think they kept in touch after the divorce

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I love the idea that Dick and Roy were together at one point, with Jason and Roy now being together, simply for Tim's reaction.

The first words out of his mouth just being "what, you fucking down the family line or something?" Followed by a suspicious squint and asking "do I need to be worried if you guys break up?"

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Bruce: Damian care to explain why Dick is covered in blue highlighter ink?

Damian *who's holding said blue highlighter*: it's because he's important. I'm supposed to highlight only the important stuff.

Dick *who's face is covered in blue highlighter while also trying not to cry*: YoU tHiNk iM iMpOrTaNt?

Bruce: you can't just color on his face Damian

Dick *actually crying now*: he said I'm important-

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any trans person reading this I love you

any woman reading this I love you

any poc minority reading this I love you

any queer person reading this I love you

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The only acceptable trans Tim headcanon would be Tim introducing himself to the batfam as a boy from the get-go with such confidence that no one questions him. Then, his first solo case as Robin is investigating the disappearance of Jack and Janet Drake's "daughter," so he pretends to have a twin sister by forging a bunch of documents and photoshopping family pictures. He then fabricates evidence of her death, committing multiple crimes in the process, and holds a fake funeral at the end. Because if his previous name is dead to him, he's gonna kill it the Tim Drake way

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NOBODY FUCKING MOVE.

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Dick: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

Tim: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Jason?

Jason: Probably “road work ahead”.

Damian: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

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comic

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Damian starts living with his father and learns what silence really is.

His father doesn’t speak, but he talks through his eyes. His touch. The barest of his expressions. The kind of silence unwanted objects have. Like he was born with guilt built it.

He says have a good day with a badly packed lunch box right next to Pennyworth’s.

It’s visibly less pleasing to look at, with the slippage of a cucumber salad soaking through. Damian eats that one.

He says ‘tell me you’re okay ‘ when he barks “Robin. Raport.” At him through the coms.

He makes it very clear he’s not happy about Damian being there.

“He’s always been that way,” Grayson comforts him, like Damian needs comforting. Like he hasn’t lived with Talia until now. “Don’t take it hard. He’s not a bad guy. “

Why is he saying that like Damian doesn’t know? If he was, Titus wouldn’t like him so much.

The Doberman carries itself with a deadly type of grace. It’s loyal. Follows Damian everywhere. His eyes have the same sharp, caring quality Bruce’s have.

He growls when Damian tries to touch it, — but it dies down when his baba’s hand gently scratches his jagged ear.

“He’s not a bad dog,” he has a soft voice. Damian understands why his mother likes it. “He’s just scared.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“I know,” Bruce confirms softly. “He didn’t do anything either.”

Even if he’s Bruce’s, Titus’ collar says Jacob on the back. When he asks Grayson about that, he gets stiff as steel and Alfred does, too. Damian’s little chest tightens up.

Titus doesn’t growl at him again.

And Damian sees some white scars on Bruce’s neck, like something sharp and hungry tore through him. He wants to ask and words fail him.

But when Jacob comes over, for a visit, for an inspection, and Dick gets that look on his eye, cutting and hard, and both his baba and Titus bow their heads slightly, he understands.

“He’s a mean dog,” He comments when Batman gets geared up. A good machine. A good soldier. “I trained him that way.”

Damian understands, and he hates it.

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Bernard: My fetish is saying some incredibly stupid shit and watching Tim speedrun the five stages of grief as he realizes with horror that he still wants to fuck me.

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A l l e x c e p t f o r o n e -

When Dick first became Robin, he was still losing his baby teeth. He obviously used that to mess with villains.

Dick, held by a rogue: “You’ll never get any information out of me! I won’t break!” *spits out tooth*

Rogue: “I didn’t even hit you yet what—“

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Damian's super power tbh