jay-whyy - Tumblr blog

[jay-whyy]

Agony is a particular type of pain: the word exists to describe a type of grief that destroys your sense of identity. The type of pain that leaves you asking yourself "who am I now that everything happened?", that makes you wander in search of anything that can remind you of yourself.

- Unknown.

[jay-whyy]

Made, Not Born.

I am convinced that INTJs are made, not born.

For one, when you are born, you are naive of the world around you; Think of a baby, a toddler, a child.

However, take a look at INTJs, and notice how they are so... them. Let's see, cold, rational, judgemental- basically the two dominants of their cognitive stack.

That does not sound anything like a child.

Thus, we can jump into the conclusion that they grew into their current MBTI.

And I'm not going to lie, they're probably traumatized, because there's no way that their development into something that largely resembles a psychopath is natural; They must've been put into a stressful situation and developed into their current selves as a response to their environment.

And a cute little fact: Psychopathy is a mental illness that remains dormant until they are put into a stressful environment, causing them to become dangerous.

So, what if INTJs are actually just dormant psychopaths? What if they're just, INTJs? We'll never know, unless they get a brain scan, but that's a waste of money.

As an INTJ, I am not having fun explaining this.

So, have fun trying to understand the link, because my mind refuses to let me view the process, thanks.

Here's a few more things:

INTJs are known to have obsessions, and they, naturally, want to know everything about their obsession.

INTJs are also, highly likely, to be possessive of their obsessions.

INTJs' minds are a jumbled mess; Some stuff are thought, by them, to be naturally connected, but it may just be a them-thing to see the link.

I was definitely obsessed with my identity as an INTJ, once upon a time.

[jay-whyy]

01

"Mu Rulan was the research subject he has targetted. She was his prey. He had wasted a lot of time and effort on her, so naturally, she belonged to him."

Reincarnation- Lord is Extremely Hardcore (Hongkong-Chinese translated novel)

Criminal psychologist x his unsolvable psychopath

[jay-whyy]

When the day comes that I become a jaded adult, all I have to say is... "I told you so."

[jay-whyy]

The candle will remain unlit until next year, 4th September.

[jay-whyy]

Tell me why,

Am I so alone

On my birthday?

I guess it's true:

Brought unto

This world alone,

Living alone,

Leaving alone.

Alone on Valentines' Day

Why is poetry

So full of love

When I just want

To forget you

On this lonely

Valentines' day

Wherein you are

Not mine to call

And I wonder

How it'd be like

To not be alone.

Everywhere,

I see love notes,

And think, solemn,

How it'd be like

To be in love.

Warm embraces

And flustered smiles,

To be so close,

Absence is presence.

[jay-whyy]

Pause for a minute and ask yourself: Do you like who you are?

"...Do I like who I am?"

[jay-whyy]

To Jannis,

Memories of you fade to ash,

as dust covers picture frames.

It's with much difficulty,

that I recall your name.

Yet, you remain in my heart.

I struggle to write this out,

but recall the harm you caused.

I would never dare blame you,

and so I write, dear Jannis.

To Jannis, we were too young.

You should've never met me.

Depression was my battle,

yet you witnessed my blood shed.

Bloody and bruised, I hugged you,

proud of my blood on your skin,

for you were my companion,

Jannis, my reluctant friend.

I grinned as my blood was spilt.

Eyes fixated on my grin;

You focused only on it,

whilst I poured my blood on you

My heart bled for you to see.

[jay-whyy]

Stop revisiting your childhood.

[jay-whyy]

Who I am.

"Because she was powerful, everyone would feel that it was not a problem for her to suffer a little [more]."

"In life, the tacit rule was that the strong worked more."

"Since you had the ability, you had to do more. You were the strong, so you should protect the weak."

I despise the way such words are uttered, as if I had to give myself away, until all that is left of me is mere bones.

I despise the way people convey these words with their actions, with shameless righteousness.

[jay-whyy]

Love me like my heart stops beating the very next day, for if you don't, I'm afraid my heart may just stop beating right now.

[jay-whyy]

Imposter Syndrome

Thinking about my future,

And of ideas not my own.

Putting my name on my work,

Knowing my thinking isn't mine.

Dreaming about the future,

Realizing I'll get nowhere,

When the mind doesn't belong,

To the holder of the body.

Don't have a personality,

Dreadfully boring human,

Mere tales and facts to tell,

A storyteller, a better future,

Yet I stumble over my very own words.

Oh Lord, oh God, oh Divine one,

Tell me truthfully without care,

Am I worthy, am I real, am I beloved?

Or does none believe, as I don't believe you.

[jay-whyy]

I feel.

I think.

I wish.

I want.

[jay-whyy]

The Softie

She stares up at the ceiling

Then looks at the clouds outside

Complex eyes drift to the Moon

And back to the clouds again

Pondering, wondering if . . .

Feet padded to the window

Eyes followed the moving clouds

Clouds moving out of her view

Calming cycle, isn't it?

Been some time since she saw them

Much less confided in them

Hidden words drift to the clouds

Carried above everyone

Never falling unto ears

Like the clouds once promised her

On the very day she fell

When they descended from high

Just to check on little her

[jay-whyy]

The Sky Tells

A little girl roams the skies

Pure wings of white direct her

She floats with the clouds as one

Gave her greetings to the stars

Praises the shining white moon

As she soared, she heard the talk

“The Sun is the only truth”

So she flew to her interest

Fluttering above, so close

Fragile wings went up in flames

She found herself free-falling

Wings disappearing to ash

She outreached her arm, nothing

The clouds tried as they might

The stars were hidden from sight

The Moon stared in pure horror

And the Sun, it laughed in glee

For days did she fall in peace

Till hatred bubbled within

She flapped her featherless wings

It hurt, but she had to try

Slowly, black feathers emerged

Her descent slowed by a bit

But not enough to survive

A voice, she heard in her mind

A demon, it claimed it was

I shall help you, it whispered

For a price that was nothing

Yes, without hesitation

As she wandered through the streets

The memory of her fall played

Truely ironic, she mused

A demon for a savior

How desperate she must’ve been

But angels didn’t exist

How could one ever save her?

Perhaps, she was the angel

And that demon in her mind

Maybe it corrupted her

And she wouldn’t change that fact

Even if she had the choice

The girl who grew pure black wings

The sacred tale of the sky

Never a word on the ground

[jay-whyy]

The Apocalypse Now

She watches the news

Feet dangling on edge

The end approaches

Many were up high

Or down underground

Smiling, she watches

Feet still dangling free

Her eyes, a story

An ending story

With the ending world

Silence roamed the world

No one made a sound

Everyone was dead

All except for her

Patiently waiting

For a still silence

Brought by extinction

Shaking, excited

But her eyes were blank

No longer caring

If she ever did

The cure, yes, the cure

She had found it, yes

But, why would she try?

All was bound to die

Call her a villain

Call her a monster

Saving everyone

From their own two hands

Hands that destroy all

Should she stay alive

She’d be a liar

Destroying herself

Just like the before

She is to join them

With a smile of pain

And eyes of darkness

She jumped off of that

That lone skyscraper

And soaring up high

The heavens, she goes

[jay-whyy]

Dim Or Bright

Brighter than the Sun

Dimmer than the Moon