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We were driving down the road, me being in the drivers seat as usual. I don’t know what made you mad or if we were fighting, but you back handed me and busted my lip open. It was almost as if me bleeding made you angrier. I pulled over in a church parking lot to try to compose myself and calm you down. You’re screaming at me and slapping me, yelling for me to keep driving. I threw the keys out of the window, in an effort to get you out of the car and away from me, if only for a couple minutes.

A car pulled up beside us. They ask if everything is okay. I guess they seen the show. I buried my face in my hands, trying to hide the blood because I didn’t want you to get into trouble. You calmly walked to their window and explained that I had a friend pass away recently. That explained the crying. They drove off, you calmed down and we went about our day as if nothing happened.

That was a typical Tuesday.

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Seem so..

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ok the moon is fucking gorgeous and don’t even get me started on the stars

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What have we learned?..

15-20 years old

Sometimes people don’t change. Because they can’t. People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. If he hits you once, he’ll hit you again. If they want to do it, they’ll find a way to do it. Childhood trauma is a bitch. Drug addicts love drugs and not much else. PTSD is a real thing outside of war zones. Teenagers can experience very adult things. It’s way to easy to find yourself in an abusive relationship. It’s way too hard to get out of one. Love is not kind. That time you kidnapped me in that shitty trailer off J Highway. When you pointed the shotgun to my head. I thought I was going to die that day. That day you beat the hell out of me in your front yard. At one point, you knocked me out for a second. I thought you were going to kill me that night. It was like your soul left your body. The morning you came to my house, demanding sex. I said no a hundred times. You wrapped your arm around my neck, pulled me close and raped me. “Why don’t you want to have sex with me? HUH?!” I was so used to that kind of behavior that I didn’t even cry. Or care. Remember Trav? The guy you swore I slept with. I didn’t. That was a bad day for me. And night. I still think about your dad and wonder if he still blames me. I dream about you. Like a lot. Do you ever dream about me? In your dreams, are you hurting me? Because you are in mine.

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i still check to make sure you haven’t died.

i see that you haven’t and go along with my day.

i don’t know what I’d do if you did die.

but that’s a problem for another day.

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Different day, same smile 🎭

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that’s how they get you.

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Weird dream last night. VIVID dream last night.

I’m still thinking about it.

They say it’s impossible to dream up a face you’ve never seen before, but I don’t know who he was. I didn’t even know who he was in my dream.

We were obviously connected by something, by I didn’t know what.

I felt something though. An immediate need for him to be there. I wasn’t safe if I couldn’t see him.

And if I couldn’t see him, I was in fear for my life.

And I woke up.

I can’t see him. He isn’t here.

And I feel it.

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*ALL

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there’s a straight ass owl party in my backyard right now

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*girl

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how wild is it that we just accept the fact that deer can jump out into the road in front of our cars at any given time like some real life ass-backward game of frogger that almost always ends in total destruction of your car

@showerthoughtsofficial @just-shower-thoughts

[mkdubb]