moonshadow-thoughts - Tumblr blog

[moonshadow-thoughts]

At this point I would even accept to not have friends, or ever find some.

All I'm wishing for a relationship. All I'm asking for is one person to share my life with. Just one person, who actually likes me. All I'm asking for is not having to spend my entire life alone and isolated. All I'm asking for is, that being alone and isolated is not all I will ever know for my entire life.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

My whole life I just wanted to belong somewhere. And I tried! I tried so hard to find people who I could fit in with. But it never worked out, not with friends and not with a relationship.

And my whole life I wondered why.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

When you say that you have no friends or partner and feel lonely, people will often say things like: You just need to go out more!

But no one talks about how hard it is to find someone when you can't drive a car, when you live in a small city, when you can't go to clubs or bars, when you can't go to big cities, when sport clubs don't work because of your health, when you can't leave the house that often, when there are no places to meet people like you where you live. Especially for people who have chronic health issues, are neurodivergent and/or queer.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

Hello, I want to say I've been seeing your posts for a long time now and they have deeply resonated with me to an unimaginable point. I too am gay with a girlfriend in a distant country. I'm also autistic. I messed up my early 20s by just obsessing about studying a useless career and making comics, and now I find myself completely unable to even be hired at a retail store for part time. I try and try every single day, but I never get any responses. I'm trying to study another better career, but the clock keeps ticking and I worry I may not be hired anywhere without experience. I want to say your posts made me feel less alone in this planet that I really don't know how to face. I may very well leave it one day. I in fact plan on it, frequently. But I'll be glad to have found your posts. Thank you kindly, and I mean it.

Thank you so much for your message. 🖤 When I started this blog I thought it would just be a good way to get it out of my head and to kinda scream into the void. I never thought people would relate so deeply to what I wrote, or that people would go through similar things, or feel similar. It means so much to me to hear that some of you feel so similar. Although I of course wish you wouldn't because these aren't exactly happy feelings.

I think since we are a little (or maybe a lot) different from other people, the mainstream way of doing things doesn't work for us. And that's why we have to try and find more niche or unusual ways of going through life. I think there is a way for us too, it's just less obvious and harder to find. But I know there is a way for us too.

I'm wishing you all the best. 🖤

[moonshadow-thoughts]

Another fun thing to find out in your late 20s is that you fucked up your career chances because you didn't know what to do with your life untill now.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

One thing about me is, that I wasted my entire youth by only being able to sit isolated in my room.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

I really don't get why people don't wanna be friends with me, like sorry I'm always nice and kind and actually care about you...

[moonshadow-thoughts]

The closer to 30 I get, the more I freak out, thinking I did so much wrong in my life, and wasted my youth. And that I missed out chances I will never get again. That I did not enjoy my 20s like I should have.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

The last time I had a genuine, meaningful conversation with someone was so long ago I don't even remember what it feels like.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

So sad and angry that I have to spend my entire youth in my room all alone, and waste my youth because there are just no opportunities for me.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

Do you ever get so terrified and worried that you will end up alone? That you will never have someone to share your life with?

[moonshadow-thoughts]

Man, being a kid was great. You know, the time in life where we could still feel genuine happiness.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

I hate that one of the strongest and most memorable lessons I ever learned in life is that I can never show weakness or do something that could be seen as weakness, because the moment I do people will use it against me.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

At least I have my silly little daydreams.

[moonshadow-thoughts]

Yay, another month spent without any opportunity to leave the house. Fun!

[moonshadow-thoughts]

Loneliness kinda sucks, yes. But also most people are not only toxic but literally not safe to be around!

[moonshadow-thoughts]

Do you ever feel like you don't belong anywhere? Like there is no place and no people for you?