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i don't know how else to describe this pattern other than stupid.

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batman gets passed around the justice league like a blunt AND HE BOTTOMS

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Ik this is late but… I personally don’t read any of the Batman comics, but you’re telling me that in a new one Bruce is upset that Damien wants to become a doctor?!?!

Be so fucking for real… Bruce would love it if any of his children gave up vigilantism and had a normal life, and he would love it even more that his father Thomas Wayne inspired his child to become a doctor..

I’ve only seen some of the clips from the new comic panel of the specific moment. But I do remember reading that Damien had read through some of Thomases old journals.

You’re telling me the man who dedicated his entire life to being a vigilante because he watched his parents get murdered in front of him is mad at his child for also being inspired by his grandfather in a different way than Bruce and wanting to do something that he himself has dropped out of.??? shut the fuck up.

This is why I keep stating that the people who are writing for Batman right now are terrible at their job. It’s like they forget that he is supposed to be kind.. All of these writers suck ass because it always has to be an issue and they just can’t let Bruce be and have a good relationship with any of his fucking children, and that is specifically why I don’t read any of the comics and I stay in fanfiction.

Fuck these writers, bro wholeheartedly…

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Not only is Bruce their dad. He is somehow simultaneously also their mom

He gets called them interchangeably on a good day

One of them will need comfort and they’ll knock Bruce’s hands away and be like “No! I don’t want Dad Bruce, I want Mom Bruce.”

All the kids can just… sense a change in energy or something lol

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Batman: I have decided I will reveal my identity to one person

Justice League: !!!!

Batman: *walks over to Green Arrow*

Green Arrow: Wait wha-

*Hot steamy make-out session right in front of the League. Jaws are dropped, Superman’s eyes are red, there’s tongue*

Green Arrow: … huh

Batman: *raises an eyebrow* Do you understand?

Green Arrow: *now completely aware that Batman is Bruce Wayne due to how many make-outs the two of them have had over the years* Surprisingly yes

Justice League: ?!?!?!

Batman: That’s all *sweeps out of the room with a dramatic flare of his cape*

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batman au where everything is the same except instead of the batsignal commissioner gordon just plays holding out for a hero rly loud

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He honesty always has baby fever, he just tries to hide it

but everyone of the kids know he has very deep empty nest syndrome…and Alfred..especially Alfred / probably late talks (whines) about the kids and how theyre growing

Damian is 8 years old when he first comes to live with his father. He’s all harsh glares, standoffish arm folding, and clever barbs aimed at everyone’s vulnerable points. He’s also adorable. Small enough for Bruce to pick up with little to no effort, with big green eyes and baby fat still in his cheeks.

Bruce is overwhelmed with emotions he’s terrible at expressing; shock at the fact that he has a biological child, furious that said child was kept from him for 8 years, devastated that the child was robbed of a normal upbringing and instead raised in a cult of death and devout loyalty to a madman, and overjoyed that this little boy has his nose, his eyebrows, and the same black curls he got from Martha Wayne. He mourns the moments and milestones he’s missed. First steps, first word, potty training, learning to read and write. He doesn’t even know if Damian can ride a bike.

Then, six months into living with Bruce, Damian loses a tooth. A lateral incisor, by the looks of it. Not because of a hit to the face or a Robin-related incident—no, it’s just the natural, logical conclusion to a loose baby tooth Damian hadn’t mentioned having until he bit into an apple at breakfast and pop! Out comes the tooth, stuck to the apple, leaving the boy with a gap just left of center in his smile.

This hasn’t happened since Dick. Jason and Tim had lost all their baby teeth before Bruce took them in, but Dick had been so young. Bruce remembers the angry 9 year old who just wanted revenge marching to the Cave, presenting him with a molar and pouting silently for hours. It had taken a mug of hot chocolate to get him to admit that Mary Grayson always sang him a special song when he lost a baby tooth, to congratulate him for being one step closer to adulthood, but he couldn’t remember all the words and Bruce, my mama’s not here, who do I give my teeth to? What do I do now?

Bruce has no idea what Talia did when Damian lost baby teeth. All he knows is that he’s on his feet and rushing toward the boy and getting his arms around him and—

“Father!” Damian will never admit to the indignant squawk that escapes him when Bruce plucks him from his seat and holds him close. “Are you—“

Bruce settles Damian on his hip with one arm and cards his other hand through the boy’s soft curls. He breathes in the scent of apple shampoo and oatmeal soap while peppering his forehead with kisses.

“I will get you a new pet,” he says softly, resting his cheek atop his son’s head. “A kitten, a puppy, anything you want. Just…let me have this, baby boy.”

Damian instantly stops protesting. He huffs and pouts—which, oh my fucking God, how is he so precious?—as he wraps his arms around his father’s neck.

“That is…acceptable,” he grumbles. Bruce kisses his cheek and smiles into his hair.

That’s how Damian gets Titus.

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Obviously. He gave birth to everyone one of his kids❤️

Press, holding a microphone too close to Tim’s face at a gala: how are you settling in at the Wayne’s now you’re officially adopted?

Tim, with a confused face: What do you mean? I’m not adopted.

Press: ..What? No, you were adopted-

Tim: Bruce gave birth to me.

Bruce, behind Tim, nodding: Obviously.

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The women peg him, he always just has nasty Sex❤️

bruce wayne should have nasty gay sex and he should bottom everytime

send tweet

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Honestly Bruce's mental health is like that one physics question in exam you solve three times and get three different answers each time. Motherfucker just keeps getting new trauma Outta Nowhere, you never know what it is

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Obsessed with the idea that occasionally, Bruce forgets how to walk like Brucie.

I don't mean where you're doing a task or a normal thing, like holding a pencil and you forget how to write for a few seconds. I mean where you're writing the date the date and you write the wrong month because the calendar just changed.

Bruce is just at an event, being Brucie, and decides to join a certain group, but forgets that Brucie almost jingles when he walks and just slinks over like he's in the bat costume.

The poor socialites will never be used to seeing a gremlin slinking in the corner of their eye, turning to check it out, turning back when nothing is there, and THEN! a sparkling Brucie Wayne is at their opposite elbow asking how their cat is doing with the new petunias their gardener planted last week

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I've always seen fics or prompts of Bruce wanting to be a father to his children when they were younger/toddlers so that he could save them from the pain they went through and also fix his own mistakes

but I want a fic where the batkids(jason,tim,cass, Damian,not dick cause he had a good childhood with his parents,any other kid who may have had bad/kinda bad childhood) are around or are seeing footage of when Bruce is trying to calm down a baby whether as batman with the JL after evacuation or Bruce wayne in any situation generally

and for the first time realising what could have been if they got to bruce earlier, thought of something they never did before, and felt jealous of the way their dad hums to the baby, knowing that he would have down the same to them, he would have been amazing, and wished that their paths had crossed so much earlier, wanting to be a teensy child to their father

not necessarily so he can save them from pain, just to be his stupid child,for him to wipe at their mouth when they eat too messy, and for him to be encouraging them for their first steps, humming to them and rocking them asleep at late nights even when he's tired.

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AU where the Justice League haven’t revealed their secret IDs to each other yet (or at least Batman hasn’t) and the League, after several coincidental run-ins with him, know that Bruce Wayne is much more intelligent and calculating than he acts in the media. Except they don’t know why—they just think he acts that way because he hates working and wants to get out of dealing with responsibilities or smth

Clark Kent the reporter happens to be attending a gala Bruce is holding when it gets attacked by some rogue or other, and all the guests are being held hostage in the room, and there’s a bomb and everything, it’s all very dramatic and Gotham-typical. Clark and Bruce are hiding behind a table, coincidentally where the bomb is, timer slowly counting down. Clark can’t become Superman without blatantly blowing his secret ID, and Batman’s not showing up for some reason, so he (preparing to just fuckin jump on the bomb and tank that shit, consequences be damned) kinda frantically as a last resort asks if Bruce knows how to disarm a bomb and Bruce (who knows that Clark is Superman and is kinda messing with him) just pulls out a whole belt of tools like “As a matter of fact, Mr Kent, I took a course on bomb disposal back on my self-discovery journey!”

“A what now.”

“A self-discovery journey, Mr Kent, I’d be happy to tell you all about it after this.”

“No, I meant—you took a course on what.”

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Either Halloween is Bruce’s favorite holiday, or he hates it with every ounce of his cold, dark heart.

“Your heart is dark like chocolate milk, master Bruce.”

Thomas and Martha loved it and dressed him up in all kinds of costumes, — which he resents, he still remembers the haunted house Thomas was definitely NOT supposed to take him to, — a tradition Bruce resurrects with his birds.

“Baba, we could’ve ordered costumes. “

“This is better,” Bruce has been on sketching duty for the past 3 hours, and Damian watched in amazement because how is his line art so smooth?

This is more impressive than Batman, he concludes.

“Is this about Ms. Karenson calling you talentless?”

“No. This is about ensuring you have a lovely experience,” Bruce sticks a needle between his lips, eyebrows focused, “And showing Jessica I can sew just fine.”

Dick pops up, decked out as Fred Jones from Scooby Do (he would’ve been Daphne, but Tim claimed that, and Tim scares him)

“What badass dark hero are you going out as, B?”

“Elvira. What about you, Jason?”

Jason eyes his old Robin costume and decides he’ll be the funniest person here.

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AAAHHHHHHHHHH

“You will always be beautiful to me Harv.”

(´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

But you can't find a Harvey Dent untouched by pain, Bruce.