r4inyclouds

[r4inyclouds]

@/buckysbooty4 on X

[r4inyclouds]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/61390435/chapters/156922060

Oof, I forgot I had a Tumblr account as my brain had blocked it out due to how much i physically cringe by looking at it. But I thought I should probably post my stucky fic here.

Familiarity

Tags: Heavy Angst, Smoking, Bucky Barnes Smokes, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Everyone Needs A Hug, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers Feels, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, steve leaves, Yet steve comes back??, I'm Bad At Tagging, Well - Freeform, Canon Compliant with Movie: Avengers: Endgame (2019), Compliant with tfatws somewhat, Eventual Fluff, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Author Is Sleep Deprived, no beta we die like jayvik, Gayly, depressingly, We need stucky revival desperately, Domestic Fluff, At some point i swear, Good Friend Sam Wilson (Marvel), Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Has PTSD, comphet, Internalized Homophobia, Hurt Steve Rogers, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Religious Guilt, mentioned conversion to atheism, but only very lightly hinted, Maybe - Freeform, Men Crying, elderly men yaoi ahh fic, Bucky has a cat, Protective Steve Rogers, Mentioned Alpine the Cat (Marvel), Good Cat Alpine (Marvel)

summary: In which, Bucky, now left by himself, Isolated within his house after the events of tfatws, locks himself in when he finally gets hit with the realisation of Steve actually being gone for good, taking in bad habits from years back, the only thing comforting him was the sense of familiarity, practically getting high off the familiar trying to find things that could connect him to his past to cope. Yet one faithful day, someone, a figure, a recognisable one, comes to his doorstep, will he take his appearance well? (Spoilers, no, no he will not)

[r4inyclouds]

Being a stucky shipper is real hard in 2024 🥲 where’s the edits I naturally stumble upon on tiktok, the gut wrenching tumblr posts from the stucky blogs I followed back in the day. I’m just feeling nostalgic for the stucky vs stony ship wars okay 😭

[r4inyclouds]

I feel like drawing this but I literally am dying rn I gave up on goretober, what a sigh.

my wife just sent me this,

I feel like deadpool would do a pregnancy test for jokes and panic when it comes back positive bc he doesn't know pregnancy tests come back positive if u have ball cancer

I can't stop thinking about it.

[r4inyclouds]

Hold on-...

CRAPPP, MY ARTWORK AUTOCORRECTED!!

How'd it even go from Bucky to Becky??

Sighhhh, guess I gotta live with it

"I am Jamie Becky Barnes, and you are apart of my efforts to make ammends."

(Or, otherwise known as, Jamie 'Becky' Rebecca Barnes, Becky Barnes, or, of course Becky)

I wanted to draw a beefy butch lesbian (bisexual?) leave me be and my growing amounts of genderswaps, I'm pansexual I SWEAR.

More for just some rambles:

Can't tell if I still like Bucky more. But like, UGHHHH, SHE'S ACTUALLY SUCH A NEED IM SORRY. But no, I guess they're equal? That's such a difficult decision. Idk just wanted to feed the lesbians looking for scraps and me I guess.

I shoved my head into the pillow and screamed because I decided to put this on my WhatsApp status and my dad replied "😍"... This is actual bullyin' at this point he's been blabberin' on about my Sebastian stan obsession since he accidentally found out apparently, and how I have 'good taste'...

Curse the neurodivergent adhd parents and their constant need to fester and see me suffer, pay your bills.

Sorry that went a little off topic. Ignore me, I'm just as bad.

Alright, name time! This name was probably discovered before since either so easy and simple but I feel accomplished for once, shush.

So, obviously, Becky from Bucky, just changin' a vowel, you know, the jist.

Jamie, from James, how lovely. I can't remember if Jamie is gender neutral or even from around the 40s nor do I care, I think... It does seem quite feminine to me though... now for personal reasons still questionin' the name. But. Eh.

Rebecca, from Becky. Not much to say on that.

Anyway, please tell me you can tell I love drawin' hair because I do; I would jork to it if I could. So hair? Hair, hair hair. With me, genderswapping is when you just make a character a different label that would fit the norm of that label, which is female, though, when you think about it if you were genderswapped, you'd still have the same mindset as the other version, you'd Identify more with that version and then therefore get dysphoria and act more masculine, maybe become male. I used to hate genderswaps because of that, but I was just thinking too much into it, so I'll have my fun. Anyway, tangent there, but what I was getting to is that I will make the hair longer for women genderswaps just to give the effect, no matter if it was already considered long. So, which is why She has the extremely long hair in Thunderbolts and Winter Soldier, because to men his hair was long, so to women her hair must also be long.

And I also just NEEDED to see her in a grown out pixie cut so tfaws was a great excuse to do that.

Anyway, stucky shipper, sambucky shipper... but I'm still quite not over stucky at all so I focus on them mostly, and honestly, I will draw them preferably my next post as both genderswapped because... NEED PLEASE BOOBA AAAAAAAHHHHHH.

[r4inyclouds]

Spontaneously (com)busts.

It doesn't look like Bucky, but that was just a quick sketch anyway.

Some bucky rambling and opinins:

Can I say my honest opinion about his new hair in thunderbolts?

Can I please say it?

Hello?

No?...

Well, doin' it anyway.

I fuckin' love it to bits, am I odd for that? Maybe... probably... most likely. Look, I love ugly haircuts on my favourite characters, it's just so AUGH, ifykwm, like, NEED, if you are pickin' up what I'm puttin' down, I can't put it to words why. I love ugly haircuts overall though (even more when it's a fictional character), but that might be because I'm alternative (goth specifically), where I love the world of micro bangs, bobs that reach the ears, choppy layerin'.

But this, this Thunderbolts haircut people are describin' as a 'fuckass bob', isn't even ugly, I mean, it probably is to most people. But a few select people who honestly need to take a breather, sound like Howl in 'Howl's Moving Castle' when his hair accidentally gets dyed and he has a horrific tantrum about it except this time it's about Bucky.

I think his hair was cut specifically to always be slicked back, and it looks awesome in the few clips of the Thunderbolts trailer, but we all know Bucky is not goin' to go into a fight like that.

I would say people can fight me on that, but duh, people have their own opinions. (I will fight people on that)

And there's also a pretty deep reason why he has the haircut too, his hair has always shown his freedom. Which is why it's basically chin length. That's always been a big giveaway to what point of healin' he's in.

This is why, Sebastian said in that interview that he was "a bit of both" of the Winter Soldier and Bucky.

(HONESTLY, MARVEL, HE HEALED LEAVE HIM BE, LET HIM BE AT PEACE FOR ONCE)

Anyway, back to the art piece.

In my mind, with cute emo dolphins jumpin' in a bloodbath with a black-and-white rainbow in the back, everythin' is perfectly fine and pristine, and both Sam and Steve are pullin' his little kitty Meow Meow cheeks 🤧

But you believe what yall wanna believe I guess, up to the viewer.

[r4inyclouds]

Would it be odd if I said a teared-up, just that little bit, I usually don't get this sappy when it's something I read. 😭

My two cents? The producers of Endgame/infinity War never really realized how much they set up their relationship between Bucky and Steve and how much less chemistry Steve had with every other person. Once they realized the fandom and other complications, like how they were unsure how to carry on Steve's story, they shipped him off back to Peggy, with whom he had a high school-level situation ship with. Why didn't he bring Bucky? Well, they need to torture Bucky more apparently, so no.

Sorry that went a little off topic I'm still sore after my previous rant.

Was it casual now?

Steve:

Was it casual when I joined the army so I could search the whole world for you because I knew you were still alive out there when they announced you dead?

Was it casual when I wrote a list of things to catch up on and made sure to include all the things you loved?

Was it casual when I said "Even if I had nothing, I had Bucky"?

Was it casual when I risked my life for you when you were still programmed to be a ruthless killing machine because I knew you would recognize me if I told you "I'm with you till the end of the line"?

Was it casual when I said that I can't date people who have never had the exact same experience as I did... and there you were?

Was it casual when I became a war criminal, went against the Avengers, my own friends, sacrificed the shield, being Captain America, just to keep you safe?

Was it casual when you were dusted away and I just lied down on your ashes for so long even though there were still aliens trying to beat me up?

Was it casual when I refused to move on, even when everyone else did, because I believed you were still out there somewhere?

Was it casual when I spent countless nights searching old records and secret files to find any trace of you?

Bucky:

Was it casual when I offered you to stay at my home forever, even if you don't pay rent, as long as you stay safe?

Was it casual when I was the only one who took care of you when you got sick, worked two jobs at once to provide for both of us, and was the only one who accepted you for who you are way before you became Captain America?

Was it casual when you said "Are you ready to follow Captain America to the jaws of death?" and I replied "Nah. The little kid from Brooklyn? That's who I'm following"?

Was it casual when it only took you saying my name to break me out of 70 years worth of torture?

Was it casual when I let you go even if it meant going back to the people who had tried to kill me over and over?

Was it casual when I barely remembered my own name, who I was, but I immediately recognized your face?

Was it casual when I decided to risk my new life in Wakanda to help you, knowing it might mean war?

Was it casual when I kept your photo in my belongings, even when I was on the run from the government?

Was it casual when I base my whole life's worth on how you perceive me? (ok this is kinda depressing)

The both of them:

Was it casual when I ignored my own safety to pull you out of the wreckage, time and time again, because I couldn't bear to lose you?

Was it casual when I stood by your side through every personal battle, even when the world turned against us?

Was it casual when I followed you into every impossible mission, no questions asked, because I trusted you with my life?

[r4inyclouds]

You can take Steve Rogers out of the fight, but you can't take the fight out of Steve Rogers.

I heavily recommend putting ya glasses on for this ride of a rant. A... practically an essay on how Steve was out of character in Endgame:

Look, I still wholeheartedly believe that Sam deserves the title of Captain America, but even before that Steve dropped that shield, that title in the Civil War movie, for Bucky, in respect for Tony. Captain America wasn't even his label for years after that. Surprising how many didn't realise Steve in the endgame movie was Nomad, not Captain America.

But, he still fought, didn't he?

So people who say "Steve will always be THE Captain America!!" can go cry about it for all I care. Sam is the hero that he deserves to be. Yet, I suppose we're all entitled to our own opinions.

I don't even think the producers at the time even read the comics they were basing their large franchise on. That Steve in Infinity War wasn't Steve.

He was born a stubborn fighter, he was meant to end as that stubborn fighter we knew from 'The First Avenger'. It's in his nature how he was meant to be articulated as a person. It's in the comics, that hell- I haven't even exactly read most nor possess many of them! It's a joke, a jest; it's funny but not funny 'haha hilarious', but funny, odd, peculiar and perplexing. But from what I've seen from the fans on this side of the debate who have read the comics thoroughly, they all explicitly state that Steve would never do this or abandon anyone. I could, respectively, not care that the MCU was never, and never will be, canon to the comics, but they couldn't even keep one thing, an aspect that's similar or alike in any particular way to the comics, and that's the whole nature and personality of one of their most main focused characters, diverging from the whole point, centre, heart of Steve.

Steve never needed a label that told him he was a hero even when he was some twink before the serum, his whole arch, his whole goal was to become someone who helped, it wasn't from the start to settle down with a woman he was at a high school situation ship with, maybe, just maybe it could've worked if they attempted to even build and develop their relationship for it to make that little sense. Steven Grant Rogers admitted to being that stubborn little thing, and in a sense, he was like that, someone who determined to not be a coward and went against his non-spoken word.

And no, this has nothing to do with the fact I'm a HUGE Stucky shipper, I exclusively tried to avoid talking about Bucky in this half of the rant for a reason. I love Peggy, she's in my top 5, and I love domestic Steggy. It's just it was never right for Steve.

Steve will never, ever be able to run away from what he is. He is THE fight, with or without a useless hero label.

Now since I'm a bucky glazer, and he's my favourite character (I'm putting him in a jar once I get my first-ever Funko pop) I will go on to talk about Steve and Bucky, now, I'd understand if someone would not want to read this part because I'm 'just a wild Stucky shipper!' Who's own priority is trying to keep the ship afloat (I'm also occasionally a Sam x Steve x Bucky shipper but that's besides the point) But in this segment, I will be talking about them in an otherwise platonic sense; it doesn't even need to be romantic for me to say this. And, honestly, if the character of Bucky never existed in this universe, I would've still had this rant on my Tumblr about why Steve leaving is just... odd.

Okay, Steve spent THREE, THREE, I REPEAT THREE, HIS WHOLE DAMN TRILOGY, having at least one huge plot point just purely based on Bucky in each of his movies.

1. He went against whole military orders to get Bucky back, had a whole depression episode thinking he was dead, and then had another depression episode when he died, and then kind of just offed himself after that (Now, am I saying he offed himself for no reason for other than his friend?... yeah, so, there's a deleted scene where Rhodey asks Steve about how he practically died, and why he didn't just jump out into the water before he crashed, I'm tellin' you if you search it up it's there, now, people suspected that the reason it's a deleted scene is that it, well, opens a plot hole, and it just kind of seems like... he killed himself because bucky's dead? Like, ya know, there's no other reason to why he did this. But I might just be reaching there) God. So that point just says a lot about how the producers didn't even think for one second about him going back in time.

2. Nearly got killed by him, but when he figured out it was Bucky he went a berserk kind of insanity and risked his life as he put his trust in a man who was about to knock the shit out of him. Then, like- went for months on end to get Bucky back just because he left him on the side of the beach to not let him drown. Yeah, okay, sir. Also, does everyone just... Like, all silently agree not to talk about how they casually just drop platonic wedding vows to each other in every movie? Like, what do you exactly mean by "I'm with you 'till the end of the line", every time I hear that quote I go "WRITE THIS DOWN, WRITE THIS DOWN!" (not like I'll be getting married though)

3. How am I meant to summarise this with detail without just saying the few words in my mind that would just tell you the whole plot? [Squints eyes, checks notes]... Guess I gotta. 'Bro split Avenger for bro, Avenger no longer, Captain America? No longer for bro, bro picks bro up, bro says wedding vow, bro sad Wakanda.'

Then, now, I apologise sincerely for using this analogy, but he kinda, just, ya know, abruptly left to get the milk. He dropped everything once he got the chance to go back and left poor Bucky wide-eyed like some traumatised puppy with attachment issues they newly developed after shown that much devotion and affection from an owner who'd treat them right, and then was suddenly dropped into a random field of an environment, unfamiliar, they don't recognise it, as they then watch the rustic car they were once rescued from becoming a blur, speeding off into a distance he couldn't possibly ever trace back to. What in the holy fuck was that waste of three movies then.

(DEEP FUCKING BREATHS, RAIN, HOLY SHIT DEEP FUCKING BREATHS)

I hope people can't tell I'm a fanfic writer; this is the shittiest thing I've ever written, I swear my fanfics are more descriptive and crap, but I'm foaming from the mouth right now; I think I permanently disrupted my breathing pattern, well done me.

Sigh, okay, well.

[r4inyclouds]

I might have said this before, I can’t remember but it bothers me so much that in Civil War, when Rhodey is hurt, Sam gets the blame for it but it was Vision who sent that blast, at Sam, which let’s be real, would have killed Sam if he didn’t dodge it and no one utters a word against Vision about it? It’s just written off as Sam’s fault when he didn’t have anything to do with it really. If the blast knocked the suit out and led to such a great fall that Rhodey was partially paralysed even with all that protection, it most definitely would have led to Sam’s death, if not killed him immediately but that’s fine? Idk, I just find it weird that no one was like “what are you playing at Vision?” (At least in the movie, idk about the comics)

[r4inyclouds]

Had another awakening when I was meant to be studying, so have some more Marvel memes I created 😼

[r4inyclouds]

I got... bored. And had an epiphany so I shall gift and bless the Tumblr land with my memes from scratch with pictures I pulled put my ass/gallery

They lit just kept getting worse and worse

[r4inyclouds]

Sigh, well, yadda yadda I'm autistic and I have a Bucky and Marvel fixation and allat.

Yeah so DO NOT trust me to watch any Bucky media and then go on to watch another brooding, emo, depressed, and traumatised vigilante man

If it wasn't obvious, I recently watched the Robert Pattinson Batman, which was more fire than I'd thought it was going to be bro.

Bucky is my absolute Roman empire, so of course, I was thinking of him the whole time and then made some odd what-if scenario with absolutely no plot behind it if they both met because they're 'similar' when they're not, to be honest.

And yet again... I doodled this- in my notes app for gods sake

[r4inyclouds]

bucky textposts

[r4inyclouds]

Crying, sobbing, gurgling 😞

Bucky’s metal arm has touch sensors. They’ve just never been calibrated properly. The soldier learned only what was important to him on the field, the cold hard metal of a gun and how much pressure to use when pulling the trigger.

Steve notices this, as he helps Bucky settle in to his new life. He sees Bucky touching the soft flannel bedsheets first with his right hand, then with his left hand, brows knitted in deep concentration.

Uncertainly, Steve asks if he doesn’t like it, if it is too warm or too soft—

“Soft,” Bucky picks up the word from Steve’s ramble. He lowers his head and looks at the pastel sheets between his fingers, and repeats. “Soft.”

The cotton tee, the woollen cardigan, the denim pants, the mesh sneakers, he gently rubs each textile between his fingers with both hands. He does the same when in the kitchen, running his fingers lightly over the coarse heads of a cauliflower, the pockmarked rind of an orange, the sharp stalks of rosemary, the glossy skin of a plum.

His vocabulary recovers more with time, and whenever Steve asks how it feels, he can give a few extra words — firm, smooth, hard, sharp, rough. On the occasions he says the word soft, his whole expression relaxes and all the lines soften, and Steve wishes he could swathe the man with everything soft and fluffy just to keep it there.

They sit down to watch TV after dinner. lt’s their ritual. A time when they sit together silently — when Bucky gets used to being in the same physical space, without feeling the pressure to make conversation. It seems silly but Steve has seen the difference it has made, from Bucky wedging himself into the other end of the couch, to now relaxing next to him, their shoulders occasionally brushing as they reach for the crackers on the table.

This has been a particularly long day, Steve having just returned from a 3 day mission where he barely caught a wink. About ten minutes into the soothing documentary about red pandas, he is fast asleep. He wakes to something brushing against his hand, light and tremulous. Then something a little cooler and a lot harder does the same, and he realises what it is.

Bucky snatches his hands back when Steve opens his eyes. He says guiltily, “Sorry.”

Steve reaches out and rests his palm over Bucky’s metal fingers. “How does it feel?”

Bucky searches his face warily, and then he relaxes. Steve feels a light tickle as the small metal plates whir quietly under his hand.

“Soft,” Bucky answers. After a moment, he adds, “Warm.”

Steve threads his fingers through the metal ones, and hold the hand close. After a little while, he feels the metal fingers curl slowly until they rest, ever so gently, against the back of his hand.

“Tingly,” Bucky suddenly says, out of nowhere.

Steve smiles and answers, “Same.” He points to his chest, “Here.”

He can see the concern and confusion as Bucky glances a few times at his ribs.

One day, Bucky will understand what that means. Steve looks down at their linked fingers and runs his thumb along the metal plates, drawing a slight shiver from the man beside him.

This is a good start.

[r4inyclouds]

I could rant so much about this, this would conclude it so well.

nah since marvel is trending again I’m going to say it again louder for the people in back — canon steve rogers would never have chosen an “idyllic 1950s white pickett fence life” because the only place that man belonged was a picket LINE. the whole point of his character was that his work was never done. there was always going to be another oppressor, another bully, another person who takes advantage of the underprivileged for him to stand up to. from the moment he gained consciousness he, a chronically ill son of a working class mother living below the poverty line, used his voice and his body to protect & fight for what he believed in. I’m not sure there was ever a time pre-super soldier serum where he didn’t have a black eye. he could put the shield down all he wanted but he could never retire from being steve rogers — someone who never once turned a blind eye, who never once wanted a “reward” for his work, who never once abandoned his friends. this isn’t up for debate. this is almost a century of comic book & film/animated precedent. he may have been a man out of time, but in his words “it’s tempting to want to live in the past. it’s familiar, it’s comfortable. but it’s where fossils come from”

[r4inyclouds]

My thoughts exactly. Steve in the comics wouldn't do this, I know the comics aren't cannon, but it's still awfully portrayed and rushed, and so obviously out of character, producers only did it to get rid of the chance of a long-running ship, and by doing this the erased Steve's hard work to get Bucky back and just... ABANDON HIM?? makes no sense, I'll stand by that.

rant time cus I finally got around to watching avengers endgame and the ending with steve SUCKS

from what I know I think they needed a reason to not have Steve/Captain America v1 show up again cus of contract shit which sure, but there are much better IN CHARACTER ways to do that

first of all: Peggy is great and all but that whole plot line is at most a 'I dated her in highschool' level of relationship. he kissed like 1 time

second: he loves bucky way to much for that. just no. even if u somehow, trhough and enormous amount of homophobia and heteronormativity think that they aren't in love and don't at any point think about marrying eachother when they find out thats legal, their bond is far to strong to be sacrificed by steve for peggy. no.

third: remember all of age of ultron? that part where it's essentially implied that steve can't age? whered that go marvel??

fourth: same movie, different aspect: "God's righteous man. Pretending you could live without a war." -Ultron. He deserves to retire yes but 1) theres no way he actually would (this is the kid from brooklyn who fought when he could barely breathe) 2) he would want to be around just in case (remember half of the reason he took issue with the accords? "What if there is somewhere we need to go, and they don't let us?" -Steve) he would stay in his time just in case he's needed 3) he should retire with bucky, the only person whose been there for almost every part of his life, or at least somewhere where bucky is involved

so, my solution?

he comes back, gives the sheild to sam, finds a place to have a home where bucky would also live whenever he wasnt busy with his stuff, and ignores the outside world except for major updates (think he has a single phone with numbers to all the important people but otherwise he can just live his artist life inside his house and get updates from bucky on when he'll be home next)

the closest to in character that I think we would ever see of Steve "fighting bullies since I couldn't breathe right and running into war to save my best friend against orders twice" Rogers retiring and not showing up again

and this is only really an option cus I understand that actors cannot stay with one movie franchise for their whole career and everyone would notice if you switched out chris evans

sorry if there are and spelling errors I needed to get this typed put before I forgot it all lol

[r4inyclouds]

i think its really funny that tumblr is full of people who want asks, more than theyre getting them, who all seem to think everyone else does not want asks.