seductive-suffering

[seductive-suffering]

You seem to have me twisted, you want me.

I don’t want you unless I need something.

Don’t ask me for contact when you should be earning it.

So tribute me , show me your worth.

[seductive-suffering]

Tribute request? Watch me make you pay.

[seductive-suffering]

I’ll only say it once.

I was wrong.

I waited. For you. For me.

For the perfect us.

But I didn’t protect us.

I was misguided and angry.

I’m sorry.

[seductive-suffering]

I’d summon you again but you never seemed to wanna rule by my side.

I won’t submit every time.

I won’t cower.

I’ll cry of anger and not sorrow.

I’ll break apart the world we live in to show you strength.

But you’ll still call me little one.

[seductive-suffering]

I learned to walk while their backs were turned.

I learned to talk while no one listened.

I learned to love from the void they left me in.

I learned to truly see while they turned a blind eye.

I learned to cry alone.

And when I was ready to ask no one was there.

I have fought a war no one was fighting.

And I have won a battle only I was in.

I became me while I had no name.

I was brought in alone.

And I remain.

[seductive-suffering]

God fucking damn it.

You have it so backwards, you have me so outta left field.

I am seething trying to fight back the tears you left me with.

I’m fucking breaking and you’re gone.

I’m doing this, I’m screaming and crying.

You’re soaring and flying.

[seductive-suffering]

Stage 1:

I’m waiting at a cliff, I’m looking down.

But it’ll never be a normal cliff where the breeze kisses my face and the rocks below promise a tragic end.

I’m looking down and it’s me.

And it’s you.

It’s THE end.

Our end.

A bottomless empty void of every feeling and every tear that creates an ocean tucked silently into a cavern of empty promises and heartfelt goodbyes.

You’re holding me…….

Two mangled lifeless arms wrapped delicately around a frail frame begging to break.

A silent stream of tears pouring endlessly from to sullen eyes and a wicked smile across a face that’s not mine.

I wanna go wake up, I want off this cliff, if I turn and walk away I’ll forget forever but if I jump this is my reality.

I have to choose between a life I know the ending too or one without you at all.

[seductive-suffering]

You’re gonna think of me.

In light of day, or under the dark of night.

You’ll lose time thinking about my hair.

Maybe my smile.

The way my lips look when I laugh.

How I make you question everything.

Your gonna think of me.

Even if it makes you scared.

Even if you question life, love and longing.

[seductive-suffering]

I’ll take extra breaths for you today.

I never tried or asked to be relms apart.

I just want you.

Here.

For me.

With me.

But mostly for me this is selfish this emotion, wanting trying.

[seductive-suffering]

I’ll be daring and sadistic, cruel but never mean.

I’ll ask for a favor, and offer a foot.

Never a hand and never my word but a picture is worth a million words.

[seductive-suffering]

I just wonder.

I wonder about you.

Me.

Life.

After life.

Breathing.

Gasping.

Falling. Catching. Running. Falling.

I wonder what will be when there’s nothing left.

[seductive-suffering]

Breathless sounds.

Motionless wandering.

Empty presence.

Feeling less longing.

Desperate fawning.

Lifeless living.

Trying to love.

Hoping to die.

[seductive-suffering]

I’m running.

Towards a horizon.

I turn to you.

Pushing and pulling.

I’ll never catch myself.

I just don’t fucking know.

What I want.

It’s just you.

[seductive-suffering]

Watch me just for a minute.

Entangled in a trance.

Hold me just in a moment.

Hearts race never meant to last.

Get lost in just a second.

Minds racing a feeling I can’t hold fast.

I’m fading.

Grab tighter I’m falling into my past.

I’m a million decisions all rolled into one, a feeling, an emotion, a memory just trying to grow, move forward, push farther and maybe this time let me go.

[seductive-suffering]

Look we made it.

We always said forever, me and you until the end of time.

Time.

Something we thought we had.

It’s funny when I saw forever we were hand in hand.

Your forever was much shorter than mine.

And now I’m lost to the sin of time when I had you forever, that was true, but your gone, and I’m here.

I had you forever, but now I’m alone forever without you.

Forever.

[seductive-suffering]

Hey,

I wanted to tell you.

There are moments in this lifetime where I dream of our existence.

We pass in breaths and moving motions set to silent music.

I’m trying, I’m hoping. I wanna heal so bad.

But every moment your gone is a moment I wished I never had.

You said forever, but this forever I face alone.

I called out to you waiting, knowing no one’s home.

A dream is where I see you in a cycle left to chance.

I’m.

Alone.

In.

This.

[seductive-suffering]

It’s always a war,

Always a fight.

I’m constantly pushing and fighting for life.