starvoiddream

[starvoiddream]

Bat!sib: I’ve realized that we are the smartest people in our friend group.

Tim: We hang out with Conner and Bart.

Tim: It’s not as high a compliment as you think.

[starvoiddream]

Bruce, to Jason: You're starting to forget your Spanish. You don't practice.

Jason: Lo siento. Estoy embarazada.

Bruce: You just told me you're pregnant.

Bat!sib: Congratulations Jason, you're glowing!

[starvoiddream]

Bat!sib: *coughs blood*

Dick: Don't die, Bat!sib!

Bat!sib: Don't tell me what to do!

[starvoiddream]

Bat!sib, to Bruce: As you know, Jason can be really aggressive, so it's important to take all the necessary precautions when approaching.

Bat!sib: *Blows airhorn at Jason* GET FUCKED!

[starvoiddream]

Bat!sib: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.

Dick, used to Bat!sib being dumb: Sure...

Bat!sib: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

Dick: Okay?

Bat!sib: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.

Dick:

Bat!sib: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-

Dick: Jesus, that one is a little-

Jason, interested: No, no, Bat!sib, keep going.

[starvoiddream]

Bat!sib: It's October, so we must once again draw battle lines between those who like candy corn and those who do not.

Jason: What battle line? Nobody likes candy corn.

Dick: Fuck you, candy corn is delicious.

Bat!sib: And so, the lines are drawn...

[starvoiddream]

Steph: If I die, my funeral will be the biggest party ever and you're all invited.

Dick: "If"?

Bat!sib: Great, the only party I'm ever invited to and they might not even die.

[starvoiddream]

Jason: For someone who's 70% water, you don't look very refreshing.

Bat!sib: BUUUUUURN!

Tim: Water can’t be burned.

Bat!sib: EVAPORATEEEEE!

[starvoiddream]

Dick: IF YOU GET STABBED DONT FUCKING REMOVE THE KNIFE. THE KNIFE IS KEEPING THE BLOOD INSIDE OF YOU AND IF YOU TAKE IT OUT YOU'LL BLEED OUT AND DIE.

Bat!sib: However, if you're trying to kill someone, DON'T FUCKING LEAVE THE KNIFE. THE KNIFE IS KEEPING ALL THE BLOOD INSIDE OF THEM. IF YOU TAKE IT OUT, THEY'LL BLEED OUT AND DIE.

Jason: Two kinds of people.

[starvoiddream]

Bat!sib: Sometimes I just wanna place my hands on someone’s cheeks, look into their eyes...

Bat!sib: ...And violently jerk their head until it snaps.

Tim: ...That took an unexpected turn.

Jason: So did their neck.

[starvoiddream]

Batman, teaching Robin: First rule of battle, don’t ever let them know where you are.

Bat!sib, shooting out of frame: WHOO-HOO! I’M RIGHT HERE! I’M RIGHT HERE! YOU WANT SOME O’ ME?! YEAH YOU DO! COME ON! COME ON! AAAAAH! Whoo-hoo!

Batman: ...'Course, there’re other schools of thought.

[starvoiddream]

*Bat!sib's first day as a priest*

Dick: Father, I must confess my sins...

Bat!sib: What's the tea, my child?

[starvoiddream]

Bat!sib: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I’m eating dirt?

Tim:

Tim: Why are you eating dirt?

Bat!sib: Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my question.

[starvoiddream]

Duke: Stressed.

Dick: Depressed.

Jason: Possessed.

Tim: Obsessed.

Cass: Impressed.

Bat!sib: Chicken breast.

Everyone: ...What?

Bat!sib: I just wanted to join in.

[starvoiddream]

Dick: If you got arrested what would be the charges?

Duke: Theft.

Tim: Disturbing the peace.

Jason: Aggravated assault.

Steph: Arson.

Bat!sib: All of the above. In that order, probably.

[starvoiddream]

Dick: Is it still visible? Where Barbara slapped me?

Jason: Your face looks like a don't walk signal.

Steph: Your face looks like a photo negative for the hamburger helper box.

Tim: A palm reader could tell Barbara's future by looking at your face.

Bat!sib: The phrase 'talk to the hand cause the face ain't listening' doesn't work for you, because the hand is your face.

Dick: ...A simple 'yes' would've sufficed.

[starvoiddream]

Bat!sib: God nerfed me by making me allergic to garlic and sunlight.

Duke: So, a vampire?

Bat!sib: I can confirm that I am not a vampire as I have blood.

Tim: Is it your blood?

Bat!sib: It is blood, yes.

Steph: Is it blood that has always belonged to you from the moment of your spawning?

Bat!sib: It is blood, it is in my possession, therefore it is my blood.