#// <- can't remember if that's my exact tag but. we're going with it for now

[killerlookz]

Heartbeat | Joost Klein

description: Joost Klein x f! reader- In the months following reader and Joost's breakup, neither of you seem to be able to get rid of each other, not even when you've supposedly "moved on" to other people. (heavily inspired by the narrative in Heartbeat by Childish Gambino)

content: 18+ NSFW, cheating, toxic relationships, arguing, angst, some comfort?cigarettes, alcohol, questionable morals, just some mess mess messy stuff, semi-public "suggestive" behavior, fingering, unprotected PiV. This work contains RPF, and has been tagged as such do not click forward if that upsets you and do not share my work to other sites.

word count: 7634

An unlit cigarette hangs from your sticky, freshly glossed lips, your hands racing to tie the slippery satin ties of your dressing robe. A knock at the door draws you from where you stand in front of your bathroom to the front door. You flip over the locks before carefully turning the doorknob to open it.

A tiny smile forms on your lips as the door opens, revealing your boyfriend, staring down at you. Michael, a man nearly a decade your senior, eight and a half years older than you to be exact, a handsome business-type man who had moved to the Netherlands for work from the States, Boston specifically, though, he didn't have the accent. The pair of you had been casually dating for nearly four months now, though, you could sense that at any moment he'd ask to take things in a more serious direction.

You quickly remove the cigarette from your lips, balancing it between two fingers as you speak,

"Hi!" Your voice expressing greater enthusiasm than you were actually feeling, "You're early." You grit your teeth through the grin that spreads across your face, "I thought you weren't supposed to be coming for another hour."

"Good to see you too," He smiles back, but you can sense a hint of patronization in his words, "I figured, it was already getting kind of late, and I didn't see a problem with heading out a little early. I texted you anyways, but you never responded."

You nod, remembering that you had purposefully left your phone in the kitchen to rid yourself of any distractions while you were getting ready. While you suppose it was nice of him to let you know he'd becoming early, it would have been nicer if he asked first instead of just doing.

"Getting late," You force a fake chuckle, one that turns out more like a scoff, "The sun has barely set, who wants to go to the bar when it's still light outside?"

"Not everyone enjoys staying out until the crack of dawn." He raises his eyebrows, his voice serious in a way that makes you uneasy.

"It's Saturday!" You beam, "Come on, let loose a little." Michael wasn't exactly the party type- at least not now, it had taken a whole lot of convincing to even get him to go out with you and your friends tonight. "We're still going to have to wait anyways," you shrug, opening the door wider to allow him inside, "Julia won't be here for at least an hour, but you know her and being on time." You giggle awkwardly, unsure of what the two of you would do to fill the time while you finished getting ready.

"Right," He shakes his head before his brows furrow, "What's all over your face?"

Your facial expression contorts, confused, "Uh- makeup?"

"Oh pumpkin," He sighs, his voice like saccharin, exceptionally sweet and unimaginably fake. The pet name makes your stomach curdle, and you attempt to press a smile to your lips to hide the way you cringe, "I thought we talked about how I prefer to see you naturally."

You giggle, stunned at the fact he was bringing up this argument again, one you had had far too many times for how short of a while you had been seeing each other, "And I thought we talked about how much I hate it when you call me pumpkin."

"I just don't think you look any better with all that shit on your face, is it wrong of me to think that my girlfriend is beautiful?" There's an argumentative tone in the way he speaks, but you can't even focus on the potential fight that is brewing, not when the word girlfriend is ringing in your ears.

"No," You sigh, not wanting to argue not now, all the energy being knocked out of you with that simple word, "Do you want something to drink while I finish getting ready?"

"Yeah," He lets out a breath, slightly annoyed, "Yeah- sure what do you have?" He lets his tone return back to normal.

"Depends," You step backward, away from the man, towards the small kitchen of your apartment "Do you want something alcoholic or..." You trail off, stepping all the way into the kitchen.

Michael's eyes linger on you as he scratches at the back of his neck, "That's fine." He shakes his head, "Just get me a beer or something."

You nod, opening up the fridge, scowering around, unsure if you even had a beer in there. After pushing some things around, you'd found a singular bottle, you push your arm further into the cold to grab it.

You retreat back to the warmth of the rest of your kitchen, beer bottle in hand, as you kick it closed, both hands now preoccupied as the unlit cigarette still rests between your fingers. Wordlessly, you place the bottle on the kitchen counter in front of where Michael is now sitting before stepping back to search for a bottle opener.

From the corner of your eye you can see your phone light up, resting right where you had left it on the counter before you had begun to get ready. Thinking perhaps Julia was letting you know she was on her way or even worse that she was here now, you quickly shuffle over to it

Upon looking down at the screen you quickly realize it is not Julia who had texted you or any of your other friends who you had intended on seeing tonight.

Joost: It's been a while, what are you doing tonight? Come over?

The simple messages nearly make you choke on your breath as your eyes quickly flick up toward Michael. Joost was just about Michael's complete opposite- he was something exciting, the type of person where you could never guess their next move, no routine, no planning, no nothing- just go go go. Perhaps that discrepancy could be attributed to the fact that, unlike Michael, Joost had only been older than you by a year, his 24th birthday approaching in the fall. Still, even at Joost's age, you couldn't imagine Michael being much fun.

Unfortunately for you, you had let yourself indulge in the excitement that Joost brought to your life in entirely self-destructive ways. Joost had been one of the first people you had met when you moved to the Netherlands, and things moved quick between the two of you, from the moment you met it had felt like you had known him your whole life. Within a few months of living in a brand new country, you had already found yourself with a boyfriend, having rushed way too quickly into a relationship with Joost, and you quickly learned that no matter how much it had felt like you two had known each other your whole lives, the truth was you didn't really know him.

It was a true whirlwind romance, taking your life by storm, every moment consumed by each other. You both had fallen hard and fast. But for as hard as you had fallen, you crashed much harder. Joost was a perfect boyfriend in every area except for the ones that really mattered. It was obvious how completely in love with you he was, he was soft, and romantic, and fucked you in ways that made you feel things you didn't even know were possible.

But for all of his good, for all of his sweet gestures and affection, he couldn't seem to crack the communication thing. At first, you didn't mind when he skirted around the little issues that arose between the two of you, you knew he had things rough growing up and so you gave him grace, figuring opening up to people and dealing with certain emotions was probably difficult for him. But soon enough the "little issues" were not so little, turning into large, glaring problems in your relationship that no matter how hard you had pleaded for him to, Joost would refuse to discuss. Eventually, it had gotten too much, the two of you constantly at each other's throats, and with Joost icing you out whenever things got rough, you had had enough.

Still, you don't get rid of feelings like that so easily, and for the life of you, you could just not stay away from Joost. As hard as you tried to, you had never actually stopped seeing him despite the fact how much things had changed, things weren't quite so sweet and romantic anymore, but to be honest with yourself, if he fucked you good while the two of you were in love, he fucks you 10 times better when you hate each other's guts.

But maybe hate is too strong of a word, oddly enough feeling bad for Joost when you decide you're not going to respond to his text. At some point in the week, you had made the decision that with how imminent a serious relationship with Michael felt, it was probably high time for you to stop hooking up with your ex-boyfriend. It wasn't exactly a decision you were planning on alerting said ex-boyfriend of, no- that made it real, if you were to tell him you never wanted to see him again, it would become real, you were never going to see him again. Ghosting him seemed like the better option, simply leaving things open-ended, it at least allowed for you to change your mind- which you were deadset on not doing.

Michael's voice takes you out of your thoughts, quickly swiping away the message and turning your phone over.

"Hmm?" You hum, looking up, fluttering your eyelashes innocently.

"A bottle opener?" He points to the cap of the drink you had set down in front of him. You throw a smile onto your face, nodding incessantly,

"Right!" You search through a drawer for a bottle opener before pushing it across the counter towards Michael. You continue to ruffle through the crowded junk drawer, looking for a lighter with no such luck. Feeling far too lazy to go rifle through your purse to find one, with the cigarette still in hand you walk over to the stove, turning the burner to its lowest setting, just enough for a small flame to erupt. Carefully, pinching the cigarette by its very end, you quickly stick it in the small flame, allowing it to light.

You shut the burner off, placing the cigarette to your lips, inhaling, allowing your lungs to fill with the warm, prickly smoke.

"Do you really need to do that in here?" Michael asks, his face forming into a scowl, "Or at all."

You turn to the side to exhale, careful not to blow the smoke in Michael's direction no matter how bad you want to.

"Relax," You smile, "The windows are open."

"Are you even allowed to smoke in here?"

"What are you, my landlord?" You furrow your eyebrows, taking another drag, "One cigarette won't get me kicked out."

"Can't say I'm enjoying your little miss attitude act tonight."

You're not in the mood to argue, simply sighing and forcing an apologetic look on your face, though you had felt like there was nothing to apologize for.

"Sorry," You mumble, "Let me just go finish getting ready."

The area that surrounds you is noisy, alive with all that the city's nightlife has to offer, almost overwhelmingly so. You lean against a wall, observing the swarm of people that inhabit the bar.

"You know," Your friend, Julia, pipes up from beside you, "You really shouldn't let him talk to you like that."

You bite at the insides of your cheeks, replaying the conversation shared between you and Michael just before entering the bar.

Stepping out of the car, your skirt had gotten pulled up quite a bit from having been sitting, your underwear almost on display as you climbed out of the backseat.

"Jesus," Michael scolded as he followed you out of the car, "Who are you showing off for?"

"Huh?" You whipped your head around, trying to ascertain if you had actually heard him right.

Michael leans over, his voice rough as he speaks into your ear,

"Pull your fucking skirt down, you look like you should be standing in the windows in De Wallen."

You clench your jaw, eyes flicking to Julia who was walking around the other side of the car, she shakes her head disapprovingly.

"What's so wrong with that? I'm sure the women in De Wallen are lovely ladies."

"I don't care how lovely they might be, I don't want my girlfriend walking around looking like a hooker."

You sigh, you know Julia is right, Michael was out of line, as he usually was. You stare the man down from where he stands by the bar, looking to squeeze in amongst the crowd that surrounds it in to order some drinks. Your face involuntarily twists into a grimace as you watch him pathetically try and fail to get the attention of the bartender. You want to go home.

"I just don't know why you keep him around." She shrugs, "I mean, I know he's got money and all, but I don't think it makes up for the fact that he has got to be the most stuck-up, grumpy man I have ever met in my life- seriously he's thirty, not seventy-five."

"I don't know," You furrow your eyebrows, "I guess he's stable and stuff- or whatever, you know?"

"Michael? Stable? The man that not thirty minutes ago all but called you a prostitute because your skirt got pulled up."

"I mean stable like he has a good job and stuff, he's normal, regimented, life with him has a routine- I think I need that, maybe he'll mellow me out, I don't know."

"Don't be ridiculous, you're far too young to be mellowed out," Julia pouts, "I mean, really, the party is just getting started for you." Julia's eyes suddenly widen, her lips parting as she speaks cautiously, "Speaking of party..."

"What?" Your eyes widen too, confused, you quickly whip your head around to look in the direction she's staring off in, "Shit." You mutter as your eyes meet the door, and there he is, Joost fucking Klein followed by a group of what looked to be about 5 of his friends. You barely manage to inhale, "I need a fucking cigarette."

Without looking back at Julia, you're making your way to the door, praying that neither Joost nor his friends see you on the way out.

The summer air hits you as you step through the exit onto the bustling city street. You wondered how mad everyone would be at you if you decided to leave right now- bail without a word, run home, and spend the night alone.

You grab at the purse that sits over your shoulder, pulling it down your arm so you can rummage through it, looking for your cigarettes and a lighter.

You flip open the cardboard box, removing a single cigarette, putting it between your lips before reaching back into your purse to fetch your lighter.

You flick the jagged metal of the lighter, the grooves digging into your thumb as you light the end of your cigarette. You toss the lighter back into your purse before slinging the bag back over your shoulder.

You're able to get a few drags in before you're interrupted by a voice, one that immediately makes your stomach sink.

"Ignoring me now, are we?" You don't even have to look, you already know- you'd recognize that voice anywhere, it's Joost.

You whip your head to the side, confirming your suspicions, seeing the slender frame of your ex-boyfriend hanging just outside the entrance of the bar.

"Stalking me now, are we?" You respond, hoping the snark in your voice masks everything else you are feeling.

"I'd hardly call showing up to the same bar stalking," He smirks, walking toward you, "But I mean- if you're into that sort of thing we can pretend I was."

You roll your eyes, taking a long drag of your cigarette, hoping for some sort of head rush from the nicotine.

Joost's features come better into focus as he nears closer to you, messy blonde hair spilling over his forehead, falling into his eyes, a piercing blue as he stares into you, a smirk lingering on his soft pink lips.

"Can I get a smoke?" He asks, innocently enough. You want to say no, so desperately you want to tell him to go away, to leave you alone, that you need to start a life without him.

"Oh-yeah, sure." A sheepish smile crosses your face, your words betraying you, unable to force out any sort of rejection towards him.

You let your already lit cigarette rest between your lips, taking your purse off your shoulders again, grabbing the cigarettes and lighter once more. You shove your hand, presenting the objects to Joost for him to take, his fingers carefully grazing the back of your hand as he does, his touch lingering on you for just a little too long as the two of you stare each other down. Shivers run down your spine, and your chest suddenly becomes tight, he was completely gorgeous- damn him.

"You okay?" He raises an eyebrow, a chuckle falling from his lips, he's not really asking sincerely. You can only hum in response, not wanting to say too much. Things were not usually this awkward between the two of you, and you could feel that you were the one causing it.

You watch intently as Joost lights his cigarette before pushing the pack into his pocket, and you make a mental note to yourself to get them back from him before you go back inside.

"So," He starts, exhaling a plume of grey smoke, "My place or yours tonight?"

"I'm going to my place, and you are going to yours." You respond, forcefully, annoyed at his insinuation that you would be sleeping with him tonight.

"Is that so?" He responds challengingly, his eyes lighting up.

"Yes." You nod, having none of his banter, "And-" You cut yourself off, debating if you even want to say what is about to come out of your mouth next. "I think we should stop this. Us, we need to stop."

"I've heard that one before," Joost chuckles.

"I'm being serious." You let your head fall to the side, "I can't keep seeing you."

Joost's face suddenly drops, understanding the weight of your words,

"What changed?" He scoffs, bewildered at your spontaneous proclamation, "Because if I recall correctly, just last week you were begging for me to come over."

"It's not fair to Michael," You shake your head, "I need to move on, we need to move on."

A grimace forms on Joost's face,

"You want to pull the good girlfriend act now?" His eyes widen, "As if cutting things off now will erase the past-what-four months?"

"I don't want to argue with you about this, Joost," You bite your lip, realizing just how unprepared you really were to cut things off with him, "I know I can't erase what happened, but I'd at least like to try to be better." Your lip quivers, and you clench your jaw, eyes fluttering as you fight back tears. You don't want to give him the chance to reply, you know with the right words he'd be able to talk you right back into bed with him, you can't let that happen.

You let your cigarette fall from your fingers, crushing it into the ground with the heel of your shoe.

"I'm sorry," You mutter, refusing to make eye contact with Joost as you brush past him, rushing back inside.

It was a miracle you had stayed out this late with everything that had occurred tonight, but there you were, still standing at the bar as the clock neared midnight, a feigned half-drunk smile pressed to your lips as you stared at Michael.

You tried to ignore the way Joost's eyes burned into you from across the room, but no matter what you did you could feel he was there, ever-present.

"What do you say to another round?" Julia smirks, leaning over the bar.

"Fine by me." You grin, anything to make tonight more bearable.

"Nuh-uh," Michael shakes his head, "You're cut off." He points directly at you, his finger almost in your face.

"What?" You laugh, caught off guard by his sudden controlling-ness

"You, you're cut off, you've had too much."

You furrow your eyebrows, you're not completely coherent, but you're absolutely nowhere near blackout.

"I had four drinks," You continue to giggle awkwardly, "Are you joking?"

His face stays stiff, he's serious.

"I don't think that's really your call to make." A smile lingers on your face as you attempt to keep the conversation light-hearted, but you can feel some sort of anger bubbling inside you.

"It is when I'm the one who's going to have to take care of you."

"It's one more drink, I think I'll be okay."

"Sure, one drink, which turns into two, and then three... you don't know how to control yourself, which is why I'm cutting you off." His voice begins to rise, and your eyes dart around the room anxiously, you hope the noise of the bar can drown out the argument that is brewing.

"I don't know how to control myself?" You scoff, "Is that really what you think of me?"

"You haven't exactly proven me any different, I've seen you, I know how you get on nights out, God forbid I don't want to have to deal with you sloppy and belligerent for the rest of the night." His words become harsher sounding, and more pointed as he continues to speak.

"What do you mean 'how I get'? I barely go out anymore because you don't like it, I would just like to let loose a little for once." You begin to match his tone, unable to hide your growing frustration.

"And you should thank me for that," His eyes narrow, "You don't need to be running around partying every weekend, acting like a complete fucking mess."

You clench your jaw, face forming a scowl, you can't believe the words leaving Michael's mouth right now,

"Don't curse at me." You mutter.

"No, I'll say whatever the fuck I want to, and maybe you should show me some respect for once, and listen."

"Oh!" You respond, a little too loud, drawing a few glances from the people who surround you, "You want to talk about respect? That's rich coming from the man who doesn't seem to respect any of my personal decisions, not the way I do my makeup, or how I dress, or when I want to go out, last time I checked, constantly berating your girlfriend isn't exactly respectful."

"Get a grip, y/n," He rolls his eyes, "Yeah, no shit I don't want my girlfriend parading herself around like some sort of fucking tramp."

It takes everything in you to not escalate things further, to not tell him what you had been doing behind his back, if he thought you were a tramp, oh you could show him tramp.

You inhale deeply, deciding to cut the conversation short before you say something you'll regret,

"I don't need this." You exhale, turn around, and head for the door.

The air is cooler than before when you step outside, now that it is later into the night. Immediately you're pulling your purse down your arm, desperately sifting around for your cigarettes, needing something anything to calm you down. Your mind races as your hand combs through your bag, unable to think straight, your mind foggy from all the arguing and the alcohol.

"Fuck," You mutter, Joost, he had your cigarettes. You run a hand through your hair, pulling at the strands, tonight had been a complete disaster.

"Looking for something." A teasing voice calls, resulting in a groan from you, it was like Joost had a sixth sense for when you thought about him, always showing up as soon as he crossed your mind.

"Can you just give them to me?" Exasperation heavy in your voice, wanting nothing more than to just have a smoke, and go home.

"What happened in there?" He asks, entirely ignoring your question.

"It's nothing," You shake your head, "Can I just have my cigarettes back so I can leave."

"Didn't look like nothing." He continues.

"Well, it was," You snap, your voice getting a little too loud for your own comfort, "I'm fine. Please, Joost just give me th-"

"You don't need to lie," He cuts you off, "You know you can tell me."

"It just," You pause, lifting your head to look Joost in the eyes, "It just doesn't concern you."

"But it concerns you," His voice suddenly much softer, "So I want to know."

A small smile tugs at your lips, despite everything you were feeling, your heart is slightly warmed at Joost's interest in what had happened.

"Stupid argument," You shake your head, looking back down at the ground, "That's all."

"Seems like every time you tell me about Michael it's about an argument you guys have had."

"Well, gloating about how great of a boyfriend I have doesn't exactly make for good conversation when I'm with the person I'm cheating on him with."

"Well, do you? Have a great boyfriend?" He pushes, but the two of you both know the answer. You bite the inside of your cheeks, bringing your gaze back up to Joost, who seems to be standing much closer to you now.

Your breathing starts to tremble under his intense gaze, the smell of his cologne is suddenly strong in your nose, nearly choking you. He's expecting an answer. But you can't give him one, you can't tell Joost that you didn't have a great boyfriend mere hours after telling Joost you didn't want to see him anymore because of said not-great boyfriend.

"Look," He sighs, "I know I wasn't the best, so maybe I can't talk, but Michael is just a straight-up dick."

His bluntness earns a small chuckle from you, he wasn't wrong.

"Well, I haven't exactly been the world's best girlfriend either." You shrug, any problem with Michael seemed incomparable to the fact that at the end of the day, you were the one cheating.

"You were to me." His tone contained a romance that you hadn't heard from him in a long time.

"Joost-" You choke, your eyes widening, unsure of where he was heading with this now. How were you ever going to get over him when he constantly crossed all the wires in your brain.

You feel your body go numb as he slides his hand to your waist, you should stop him, keep your promise, and never see him again- but you can't, and most importantly, you don't want to.

"Look, I'm not insinuating anything, if you don't want to see me anymore, that's okay, you don't owe me anything not after what you put up with, with me, but what I am saying, is you do owe it to yourself, to find someone who treats you better." His words are genuine, heartfelt, and he almost feels like the Joost you once knew, the Joost from when you two had first met.

There's nothing you can say in response, instead, you push yourself up on your toes, letting your lips meet Joost's in a soft kiss. Joost wastes no time in kissing you back, his hand now gripping your waist. Something feels different with this kiss, no looming sense of guilt hovering over you, it feels right like it's what you should be doing.

You part your lips, deepening the kiss, a small groan escaping you as you feel Joost's tongue brush past yours. Your movements become sloppy, lips lazily working against each other, each kiss filled with increasingly more passion.

Stunned, Joost pulls back from the kiss, a smile on his lips, now shiny from your lipgloss, "So," He breathes, "My place or yours?" It was exactly as you had thought, so easily, Joost was able to talk you back into bed with him.

"Mines closer." You shrug, your voice suddenly timid as you reach a thumb to Joost's lips, rubbing the traces of your lipliner off of them.

The car ride home feels like years, as the vehicle crawls down the city streets you figure you have probably gotten the slowest Uber driver in the entirety of Europe.

You sit in the middle seat, your arm brushing against Joost's, the proximity is comforting, but not quite enough, you want nothing more than to be all over him.

You trail a finger to the buckle of Joost's belt, lazily tracing over the letters engraved into the metal, Albino. The sudden remembrance of Joost's proximity to fame, even if only in the Netherlands, draws a smirk on your face as you think about all the horny fangirls who would probably die to be in your position now.

"What are you doing?" Joost asks, his words slow, teasing.

"Nothing," Feigned innocence in your voice as you let your palm rest just below the buckle of his belt. Joost clenches his jaw as you let your hand trail a little lower, pressing into the fabric of his jeans, his already-defined cheekbones poking out even farther with the way his muscles strain.

"You're going to kill me, you know that?" Joost's eyebrows raise, a smile pressed to his lips. He reaches a hand behind your head, first gripping at your hair before relaxing his fingers, soothingly scratching at the back of your head.

A hum of content vibrates through your lips, satisfied at what amount of power you had over him, even if it wasn't much.

You continue to press the heel of your palm against Joost's jeans, feeling the way they tighten as he begins to stiffen beneath you. Joost sucks in a breath, his free hand moving to rest on top of yours, he grips your fingers, pulling you off of him.

"You didn't like that?" You pout.

"Does it look like I didn't like it?" He grits his teeth. Your eyes wander down his figure, focusing on his lap, a now more prominent bulge in his jeans.

The car suddenly comes to a halt, forcing your gaze to the window- you were home, and now you're scrambling out of the car, unable to wait any longer to get your hands on Joost.

Joost pops his head back in the car for just a moment more,

"Dankje, fijne avond!" (Thanks, goodnight) He says quickly to the driver as you pull at his arm from outside the car, impatient. "God, woman," He chuckles, shutting the car door behind him, "I'm here!"

The climb up the three stories to get to your apartment is intermittent with sloppy kisses and lingering touches. As much as you desire to get to the privacy of your apartment, you can't keep yourself off of Joost, your hips pressed into his he has you pushed against a wall surrounding the staircase, his lips trailing down your neck, surely leaving little marks you wouldn't be able to explain away.

You card your hands through his hair, gripping at the messy blonde strands,

"Joost, please," A strained whisper crawls up your throat, your hips sputtering forward, begging for some friction, "My apartment."

Joost drops his hand from where it sits against your waist, grabbing your hand, and pulling you the rest of the way up the steps.

Anxious hands fumble with your keys as you try to push them into the lock of your door, a breath of relief as you hear the satisfying click of the correct key slotting perfectly into the small space.

Before you know it, you're pushed up against the back of the door, Joost's hands pinned on either side of you, caging you in with his body. Your own hands wander Joost's body, pulling at his shirt, gripping tightly to pull him closer as your lips collide. The way you kiss is rough, animalistic like you're completely starved for him.

Joost shoves a thigh between your legs, the rough denim of his jeans now brushing against the crotch of your panties. You can't help yourself, bucking your hips forward to push yourself further against his thigh. A small sigh leaves your lips as your cunt brushes against him, suddenly feeling your arousal, your movements made slippery.

Joost's hands make their way to your hips, his touch lingering as they slide to your thighs, grabbing at the hem of your skirt, and pulling it up. He drops his leg from where it's positioned between your thighs, his large, tattooed hand now cupping your heat. He presses the heel of his palm into your crotch, rubbing harshly through the flimsy fabric of your panties. His movements send jolts of electricity through your body, only making you crave him more as your arousal pools.

His fingertips push at your slit over what little clothes separate the two of you, teasing what you really want.

"Liefje," He smirks, pulling away from the kiss, "So wet for me I can feel it through your panties."

Your face grows hot, slightly ashamed at how quick you had become so aroused. Joost's fingers find themselves brushing at the seams of your underwear, hooking into the fabric ever-so-slightly. Your body grows tense as he teases you, his position making it seem like he's about to pull the delicate lace to the side, but he doesn't, his fingers, unmoving as he kisses at your jaw.

You can't take it, feeling so pent up that you might just explode, you knock Joost's hand from where it sits between your legs, pulling the crotch of your panties to the side yourself before pushing your fingers to your clit. You rub small circles to the delicate nerves, gasps leaving your mouth as pleasure rushes through you. You let your fingers dip lower, collecting your arousal on your fingers as they glide through your folds, towards your aching entrance.

Joost finally clocks what you're doing, his lips leaving your jaw, his hand reaching down to cover yours.

"So impatient," He purrs, his breath hot against your neck, reminding you of your proximity, "Here, let me help you."

With his own hand, Joost guides your fingers up and down your soaked pussy, before completely taking the work over himself, your hand now resting at your side as he continues.

With a single finger, he teases your hole, rubbing around it, threatening to dip his fingers in, you shove your hips forward, silently begging for it. He gets the memo, as much as he loves to feel you squirm below him, he loves pleasuring you so much more.

Before long he's pushing a second finger into you, a groan leaving your lips at the way you stretch around him. His thumb taps at your clit, sending extra pangs of pleasure through your body. You can do nothing but lean your head against the door behind you, lips parted with your jaw slack, in complete awe of how good Joost could make you feel with simply just his fingers. He knew his way around your body even better than you knew yourself, able to draw you to an orgasm much quicker than when you went solo. He knew just where to press, just where to rub to make you whine, and stutter filthy curses.

"What was that about never wanting to see me again?" He coos into your ear, and you pick up an almost wickedness in his voice.

"Fuck you," You sputter, voice strained from the magic his fingers are working against your cunt.

"Yeah," Joost sighs, "I'd bet you'd like to."

He's right, absolutely, completely right, and you're melting below him, turning to mush under his touch.

"Lucky for you, I'd love to fuck you too," He removes his fingers from your cunt, "And I don't think I can wait much longer."

Your pussy is left throbbing, feeling your heavy pulse between your thighs as you clench around nothing, aching from the lack of stimulation. Joost presses two fingers to his lips, shiny from your slick, enveloping them with his mouth, moaning slightly at the taste of you on his tongue.

"So good," He mumbles as he pops his fingers from his mouth, "Now, c'mon." He's grabbing you by your wrist, pulling you to your bedroom.

You nearly stumble onto your bed, leaning face first on the edge of the mattress while your feet still rest on the ground below you, ass up.

Joost stands behind you, his hips pressed into your ass. You whine as his stiff cock brushes against your exposed cunt through the thick denim of his jeans. You can feel the cool metal of his belt buckle press into you as he leans forward, hands trailing up your torso as he kisses your shoulder blades.

You arch your back farther, looking for some friction, desperately trying to grind your cunt against him. Joost's hands linger on your body as he lets you search for some relief, helping you just a little by bucking his hips ever so slightly. He gropes at your tits, hands crawling into your shirt to get a better feel. He pinches the pebbled surface of your hardened nipples, making you squeal, his breath tickles your neck as he chuckles at your reaction.

Soon enough he removes his hands from you, and his hips no longer press into your thighs. You're impatient as you hear the clinging of his belt buckle. your pussy instinctively clenching as the sound meets your ears like you've been trained to know what's next. You hear a small sigh leave Joost's mouth followed by what sounds like him pulling his pants down, the belt once again clinging as it hits the floor. You peek behind you, biting your lip as you marvel at the sight before your eyes, Joost, naked from the waist down, his cock hard, tip throbbing an angry shade of red. He's gripping the bottom of his shirt, exposing the trail of blonde hair that leads to his pubic area. His shirt comes all the way off, leaving him entirely undressed behind you.

"See something you like, hm?" He asks, teasingly, noticing the way you stare at him, bottom lip tucked between your teeth.

You can't even respond, not as he walks closer to you, your brain dizzy with the knowledge of what is about to come next. You return your gaze forward as Joost's hands find their way to your hips, fingertips gripping your flesh. You gasp as you feel the tip of his cock brush against your folds. You have to fight the urge to instinctively push back against him.

Joost continues to grind the shaft of his cock against your cunt, collecting your slick around its length. He pulls back a little, letting the head tease your entrance, about to push in before he stops himself,

"Wait." He breathes, "Turn around."

Slowly, you flip over, back pressed into the mattress while your legs still dangle off the sides. Joost nods, content as he steps between your legs.

"Take your shirt off, let me see those pretty tits." You obey, pulling the top over your head, suddenly very exposed as you had decided to forego a bra tonight. Goosebumps litter your skin as Joost slowly lowers onto his knees, he's quick about his movements, not taking time to linger or tease as he pulls both your skirt and your panties down the length of your legs. You raise your back to help him a little, lowering back onto the mattress once you feel the fabric hit your ankles. You kick off the heels you had been wearing, the pooled fabric following, now leaving you entirely exposed under Joost's lustful gaze.

He stands back up, gripping the backs of your thighs as he does so, guiding your legs up. You wrap your legs around his thighs, and Joost moves closer, his arms pinned on either side of you as his body hovers over your own. The new position allows you to move your legs to be wrapped around his hips, digging your ankles into his back to push him closer to you.

He presses a rough kiss to your jaw, an indicator of how hungry he was for you now.

"Ready for me," He mumbles into your skin.

"Mhm," You hum, "Please."

You can feel him smirk as his lips linger on your skin,

"So polite, anything for you, liefje," He coos, removing one hand from the side of you, balancing the entirety of his upper body weight on one forearm now.

He grips the base of his cock with his now free hand, messily guiding the tip through your folds before lining up with your entrance. He waits a moment before finally pushing into you, he's slow, careful. The two of you share a gasp as he slips inside of you, the way you stretch around him is familiar, but it never gets any less mind-numbing no matter how many times you find yourself in this situation.

Your fingers grip into his bicep as he slowly pushes into you at a painfully slow pace. A strangled groan leaves your mouth as he finally bottoms out. You relinquish some of your grip on his arm, fingers loosening as he begins to build up a steady pace, thrusting inside of you.

You let your head tip, and back arch, completely relaxing your body, allowing yourself to be entirely consumed by the pleasure Joost brought you.

Neither of you speak for a while, the loud moans that escape both of you were doing more than enough talking. For a split moment you feel bad for the neighbors, and you hope they aren't awake to hear you through the thin apartment walls. But, your thoughts are swiftly taken away from your acute guilt as you feel Joost slam into you, harder than before. Your eyes shut tight, a pathetic whimper crawling from your throat as the tip of his cock hits deep inside you.

"Joost," You gasp as his thrusts become more pointed, the bed rocking beneath you.

"Feels good, right?" His voice is rich with cockiness, "No one fucks you as good as I do?"

"No," You exhale, "No one," Your vision begins to blur, as pleasure completely overtakes you.

"That's right," He groans, "No one knows your body like I do."

He's right, and you're sure no one will ever know you in the way he does,

"Fuck," You swallow, "We're never going to be able to stop this, are we?" Your heartbeat increases as you come to the realization of how badly the two of you need each other- no matter how much it disturbs the other facets of your life.

"No," His fingertips dig into the naked flesh of your hips, "We were made for each other." The way he speaks is barely romantic, his low growl rather implying that the two of you were doomed to forever be intertwined in this unfortunate circumstance, the far of you far too flawed to be with anyone but each other.

You can feel your body tensing up, a pressure burning in your abdomen, threatening to explode at any moment. You screw your eyes shut, your face twisting up, all of the emotion of the night smacking into you as your orgasm approaches.

"So close," You wince the hot coil in your lower stomach about to crack.

"Want to feel you make a mess on me," Joost begs from behind a clenched jaw, "Come on," He urges.

It takes a few more thrusts for your orgasm to overtake you, but as it does, it's strong. What could just be about considered a scream passing through your throat as your legs start to shake, your body tingling.

"Love you," You slur, your brain too fuzzy to even be cognisant of the words as they leave your mouth, your subconscious speaking for you.

"Yeah?" Joost asks, his thrusts becoming sporadic, losing pace, "Say it again, tell me how much you love me, schatje."

"I love you," You whine, your entire body twitching as you lose all control over your reflexes, your climax now in charge, "Love you, love you so much." Your words become slower, jaw slacking as your orgasm rolls over you, reaching its final stages, your cunt spasming around Joost.

"I know," He sighs, his lips returning to your jaw. He's able to slip in and out of you much faster now, his cock covered in your release, his thrusts forcing strangled cries from you, "I know," He repeats, "Fucking love you too,"

His hips stutter, and a string of curses are grunted into your neck as Joost's own orgasm approaches.

You inhale sharply as you feel him begin to finish inside you, his cock twitching in your poor overstimulated cunt as the warmth of his release fills you. It's messy, the way he continues to thrust with as much force as he can muster as he rides out his high, cum spilling onto your inner thighs which each thrust, lewd wet sounds filling the air.

Soon enough Joost is collapsed on top of you, his breathing heavy as he tries to collect himself. Your legs drop from hs waist, your entire body lazy.

A certain sense of guilt creeps into you as you realize Michael is right, you have no self-control, unable to give up the feeling that Joost gives you for anything else in the world. You'll forever be chasing the high he gives you, because Joost was right too, you were made for each other.

[the-kr8tor]

Sending a req for zombie apocalypse au like you asked!^^ (Crow anon but I aint signing hehe) I have two ideas for some fluffiness (if you wanna use em!) so I'll lay em out here- 1. As I mention in my daily hobie hc, you try to call his name but you can't get to him- maybe, we'll go 180 here and you manage to get to him/he remembers you, and its like a reunion sorta thing OR 2. You both are zombies and are maybe revisiting places you've had dates before- (wink wink abandoned building date wink wink) Silly fluffy zombie stuff

Yeess zombie au!! I chose the second one! And surprise surprise, it ended up being angstier than I thought it would be lol thank you for requesting! ❤️

Pairing: Hobie Brown x fem! Reader

Word count: 1.2k

Tags: use of Y/N sparsely, no specific physical description of the reader, CW gore, TW death, CW blood. Zombie AU, Angst.

ʕ⁠·⁠ᴥ⁠·⁠ʔ

Amidst the haze of death and the fog of rot, Yuri finally finds you. Her heart skips a beat at the sight of your sunken eyes and grotesque infected bite on your neck. Her trigger finger shakes as her scope roams around your bloodied clothes. Drying black splotches of blood marring the familiar jacket you always wore. A sob breaks through her body, tears blurring her vision, she finally found you but it's too late.

She's too late.

Yuri whispers your name, and you stumble out of the dilapidated record shop like you heard her. Out comes another familiar form after you, leather jacket all torn up, jaw unhinged and numerous bites along his leg. Yuri almost screams his name, Hobie. Her hopes are dashed at the sight of his undead body following you. She thought that he would be alive at least, that he's surviving somewhere, but she knows that he can't survive without you. That's probably why when Yuri moves the sniper scope downwards, she sees your hand bound with his. A rope around your wrist and Hobie's, tying you to him, tying him to you. It says everything, it tells a tragedy.

She hoped and wished that she would find her friends after the world ended, hell, she even readied herself that she would find them without a breath in their decaying lungs. But not like this, never like this.

You both shamble off into the streets, as if you're holding each other, as if you're both still breathing, hand in hand, like how she always sees you both. Yuri hesitates to pull the trigger. She remembers everything, from how you laughed at her joke, from how she met Hobie to the last gig with you two before the world went to shit. She misses you both, truly, she would always wake up wondering where you two ended up amidst the chaos. She even relished the thought of not knowing, her mind making up situations of where her friends would be.

Yuri has no idea how to tell Ned.

Her walkie-talkie cackles on her chest, the unmistakable voice of Ned sounds out on the roof she's perched on. “Yuri?” He asks, voice tired.

Yuri clears her throat but the tears still come. “I'm here.”

“Good, uh, I know we're looking for supplies but you know the drill. If you see any signs of Y/N and Hobie—”

“I'll tell you, I know.” She knows Ned's spiel already, it has been almost two years of trying to find you two, two years of Ned saying the exact same sentence. Two years of scavenging the city and the only sign you two have left was Hobie's guitar left on the floor of a pharmacy. That was six months ago. Two years of hope, two years of longing to find you both alive and well. And now that she has, she has no idea what to do now. Especially that you're husks what you and Hobie used to be.

The walkie-talkie cackles to life again. “...okay, thanks. No sign of them on my end.”

Yuri looks through her scope again, following you and Hobie shambles into the old pub where everyone in the band frequents before everyone got separated. Then she realizes, you were both going into places where you two used to go to. The record shop was where you met the rest of the band, where Hobie introduced you to them. She remembers how shy yet excited you were to meet them, and she remembers how Hobie held on to you like someone in the band would shoo you away. No one did, everyone else welcomed you with open arms. That was almost ten years ago now. Yuri wishes she could go back, but she can't.

Every place leads back to the past.

She weeps alone, gloved hand covering her mouth so the noise wouldn't attract the horde below.

Yuri has the urge to come down from her perch to take a good look at you and Hobie. But she knows that she wouldn't be able to pull the trigger once she sees your still intertwined hands closer. She hates herself for not being brave enough to come and say goodbye to her friends, she hates herself for not telling Ned the truth. She hates herself for not finding the both of you sooner.

As the sun sets and the undead below groans lowly, teeth clacking against the other, chomping into nothingness. The sobs Yuri let out has subsided, yet the heaviness in her chest stays. She wonders how long it'll stay.

Seeing movement inside the pub, she looks into her scope to spot you two walking out. For a moment her eyes betray her, she sees you both alive and well, clean clothes on your back, smiling at eachother and hands intertwined like always. Yuri blinks and all she sees is death.

With a deep inhale, she follows you and Hobie throughout your ‘day’. Ignoring James’ and Ned’s calls, she jumps from roof to roof, sniper tied on her back, and mind imagining that it's a regular day for you both. That maybe in your mind’s eye, that you're having a date with Hobie, that maybe in his mind's eye that he's taking you out for a nice day out after a hard week.

She hopes that's the case.

Yuri always thought that there's always a semblance of somebody's life left in them once they turn. You walking into the empty grocery store with Hobie in tow proves it. She wonders if there's a cure, she could possibly bring you both back to life. But the gaping hole in your neck and the angry wound on Hobie's leg says otherwise.

Jumping to another dusty roof, you and Hobie are a lot closer to her now. She could see you both clearly, she wishes she doesn't. From just one good look at the injuries littered around yours and Hobie's rotting flesh, she surmises that her friends have only been dead for two weeks.

Yuri fights a sob from breaking out of her aching chest. She was too late, her mind racing to all the what if’s. Shaking her head, she sees you two wander off to the pier. And she immediately knows where you're going. As you both disappear behind broken boats, Yuri jumps off the roof with a practiced landing. Barely making any sound or letting her knees take the brunt of the fall. A tear escapes when she remembers that she learned how to do that from Hobie.

Trainers thumping softly against the wooden dock. Yuri sees you and Hobie sitting at the end of it, barely moving, still not breathing as you two watch the sunset. Your backs are turned away from her, if you can even smell her from where you sat, you don't take notice of her. Milky white eyes glued at the orange sunset that slowly sinks down into the sea.

Yuri takes out her handgun, breath stuck in her throat as she aims shakily at your heads. Whispering your names, instead of looking over your shoulders to stare and lunge at her warm flesh, you place your heavy head on top of Hobie's shoulder.

Yuri shakes her head, exhaling, you both look so alive like this, peaceful, lives untouched by sorrow and death.

When Yuri returns back to base with Ned frantically running towards her, eyes full of worry, he knows immediately the reason why her eyes are red, and why there's tears flowing down her tear stained cheeks. He knows, and he crumbles to his feet.

[sideprince]

I've seen the same post a hundred times now. Sometimes it's a few days old, sometimes it's from years ago, but it's always the same. Some anti posts about how they don't understand how anyone can like Snape because he was so awful, and then there's a long reply that goes something like, "imagine this happens to you, and then this, and then this" to describe Snape's experience. Sometimes there's some James Potter hate thrown in.

Look. You can go through describing a character's entire experience but you don't really need to. Here's the thing that antis don't understand:

For all her faults (and they're big, bigoted ones) Rowling understood a really integral part of the human experience and conveyed it through Snape. Everyone needs love and to feel accepted. It's that simple. Snape became a Death Eater to seek acceptance (Rowling has confirmed this, though I can't remember the source - whoever wants to add it please do), because it was the only way he could find any.

Snape's understanding of morality, like everyone's, is subjective. Some readers understand this and some don't. When faced against a morality that says there is good and bad in the world, everyone makes choices based on their personal experience. Context is everything. Someone who experiences pain and suffering will not see the person inflicting it on them as moral. That's it. 'How can this person be good when they caused me so much suffering?' = human psychology. Most of the people who think 'I'm a bad person and deserve this' have been gaslit and abused into thinking so, because it's not a natural reaction - it's one that has to often be socialized into someone at a young age, exactly because it's not natural. Everyone is the hero of their own story; no one sees themselves as a villain, because they see the valid aspects of their own perspective.

You can write essays on how vulnerable people needing acceptance is what cults and fascists exploit to recruit vulnerable people, or on how the standard anti's un-nuanced reading of Snape both ignores canon and displays a disturbing lack of empathy or compassion, but at its core it just boils down to context. From Snape's perspective he experienced cruelty, therefore the people inflicting it must be cruel. Again, it's that simple. He was a person, like any other, except he was fictional so he wasn't even real. On the flip side is James Potter, who, for all his faults, didn't get to live long enough to get a chance to change and grow unlike Snape, and I think the Snapedom also needs to acknowledge that.

They're fictional characters representing things an author wants to say, not sports teams, not martyrs, and not all good or all bad emblems that define your identity depending on how you feel about them. It's depressing how much time is wasted arguing with bullies and trolls whether from the Marauders fandom or just random antis. I literally can't find more than three blogs to follow without this argument coming across my feed daily. I know the Snapedom is Not OK™ and that's kind why we're all here, and I know that my take is super unpopular but like Snape, I don't care what others think: this fandom has been having the exact same argument for years and nothing has changed. There's fanart and meta and fic and so much content out there appreciating this character, you're not going to change an anti's mind who's deliberately trolling in the tags, so why are you trying? What are you getting out of it? What does it give you? It's exhausting just scrolling past it.

[darkurgetrash]

Get to Know Me Tag ~

Hiya! I got tagged in a few different 'get to know me' tags so I thought I'd just combine them here, hehe. Thank you so so much to @dutifullylazybread @weaveandwood @orangekittyenergy and @blackstaff-blast — I really love these tags, both answering and reading others'. What can I say? I'm a gemini.

No pressure tags! ~ @lemonsrosesandlavender @savriea @graysparrowao3 @heytheresunflower

Do you make your bed?: Yes! I'm not a neat-freak, but I consider myself quite neat

Favourite number: When I was a young child someone asked me this and I didn't know what to say so I pretended it was '86'. Since then, that's always just been what I've said… couldn't tell you why lol

What's your job?: Between roles atm, but usually a copywriter

If you could go back to school, would you?: For sure. I was really let down as a kid by the system, if I could go back but with the wisdom I have now, I would love to. As for further education, I loved my undergrad but I can't see myself realistically studying more on account of chronic illnesses

Can you parallel park / Can you drive a manual car?: Nope. I was good at parking and driving back when I was first learning over 10 years ago but never took my test because I got a lot of anxiety driving. I live in London now, so there's no urgent need to learn, but I will have to some day.

Do you think aliens are real?: Yes. Ain't no way we're the only life forms to exist in the whole universe, pleaseee

What's your guilty pleasure?: I love Britney Spears 💁‍♀️

Tattoos?: A small one, on my ankle. Two hands in a reference to Twin Peaks. I also just love the design — even if my tattoo artist did a slightly shoddy job and told me they did the exact same reference on tonnes of people ayyy lmao

Favourite type of music?: Easy answer is indie, though even that is a huuuuge umbrella. Some of my fave musicians are Mitski, Bright Eyes, AURORA, Radiohead, EELS, and Thumpasaurus. Also, a long-time MCR fan.

Do you like puzzles?: I'm wayyy too ADHD for them tbh but I don't mind some types of puzzles, like in video games. But even then, they can't go on for too long, lol

Any phobias?: Crowds are def my biggest one. I’m scared of pretty normal things I’d say, like hornets. I do have a lot of sensory issues though that give a similar feeling, the most unusual being cardboard. Do NOT touch it near me, I WILL scream. And slight trypophobia… 🤢

Favourite childhood sport: Always hated sports and exercise, even as a kid

Do you talk to yourself: I sing to myself (and in general) a lot and have big echolalia, but I don't really talk to myself in the traditional sense. Now my partner on the other hand… he does not stop yapping for even a second in the day.

What movie(s) do you adore?: The immediate go-to's in my brain are The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Pride and Prejudice (2005), Your Name, and… Shrek. Non-ironically.

Coffee or tea: Earl grey tea with oat milk, please! If not an option, I'll go for an oat milk mocha.

First thing you wanted to be growing up?: I… okay. I don't even know if I should admit this, but it's kinda funny… but remember, I was a CHILD. like, FIVE. My sister wanted to move to Africa and be a mango farmer (???) and I wanted to go with her so I said I wanted to sell shoes there because I saw a gap in the market. 😭😭

Last song I listened to: No You Girls - Franz Ferdinand

Favourite colour: Lavender

Favourite flavour: Depends on what it is, but most likely either chocolate or strawberry

Current obsession: BG3, if y'all couldn't guess. 😂

Last thing I googled: 'Sacrum'. Girly doesn’t know what body parts are called.

Favourite season: Late autumn

Skill I'd like to learn: I'd looove to be able to sew and make clothes but I am the most cack-handed person you will ever meet. I literally got kicked out of textiles class when I was in school because I was so bad they thought I was messing about on purpose 😬…

Best advice: Be cringe, be free. People will either not care or think you're cool for your authenticity.

Currently watching: I don't really watch TV! Still getting through Dungeon Meshi, lol

Currently reading: I've been trying to read 'Interview with a Vampire' since the start of the year, but my brain only has room for BG3 fanfic it would seem… SO, here's a list of my current bookmarks hehe. Special shout-outs to @lemonsrosesandlavender @crystal-overdrive @ghostcouncil @weaveandwood @sinelaborenihilsr2 @dutifullylazybread @notlikeparis

Relationship status: Been in a relationship since 2016! Also, taken by Gale Dekarios in my head. 💜

Sweet/savoury/spicy: Big, BIG sweet tooth.

[addicted-to-his-knife]

I don't ship Grilo either but yk what? As long as you tag thinks properly it's fine. I see nothing wrong with for exaple shipping a much older Shilo with Graves. I prefer to think of them as friends or having a brother/sister bond but I also believe people can ship whatever they want as long as it's properly tagged. Same reason why we love Luigi for example. He's a murderous asshole. He stabs people 24/7. Does that mean I accept or condone that irl? No! Do I support stabbing people irl? Hell no. It's wrong. But it's fiction so it's okay to like Luigi.

Personally I liked your meme, don't worry <3

Thank you for sharing your opinion on this matter! Tbh I like a lot of problematic things IN FANFICTIONS when it comes to kinky shippy stuff, but never ever in real life.

So I agree with you, as long as it's tagged and people know that this is about a problematic topic: Go ahead, get wild, dead dove don't it :D

But on THIS particular matter, I feel weird now because it got kinda "real" since TZ did some creepy shit towards minors (I want to remind everyone that he once wrote something along the lines of "3 great things about texas? 1. Age of consent is seventeen 2. Age of consent is seventeen 3. Age of consent is seventeen". I can't remember the exact words, it should be somewhere on my blog if you follow the terrance zdunich tag, but yeah. And if you're one of the people finding this funny, congrats, you're part of the problem). And TO ME, it feels like "If I post this now, TZ could see it and think it's ok and we're agreeing and urgh", you know?

So it's more of a personal thing. Normally I don't care about asks that want to start drama (had this on my sailor moon moodboard blog, posted Ami/Zoisite!Hades/Persephone AU and someone sent an ask with like "so we're shipping minors with grown ass men now?" Told them to fuck off (just with more and nicer words). Mind you, this is NOT about the recent ask, it said they asked out of curiosity, which is totally fine to do :) the drama-ask thing was more in general.

I feel like I start rambling again xD

So, in short: You're right, people can still enjoy Grilo if they choose to (as long as they're aware it's not ok in rl) and people can also create stuff with them, but hopefully they're aware TZ is a creep who actively ships (or shipped, at one point definitely, look up the Christmas drawing under the Grilo tag) his own grown ass man character with a girl THAT JUST TURNED 17 THERE'S A WHOLE ASS SONG ABOUT IT when there's a perfectly fine love interest right under his nose (✨️Amber✨️).

Also yes, we love Luigi ❤️

[sophieinwonderland]

Dear anti-endos: please take the hint and stay out of our tags so you won't have to see me in yours anymore.

Guess I'm addressing this one now!

This... actually hurts your point... surely you can see that, right?

Do you believe OCD and anxiety disorders are traumagenic 100% of the time? These are disorders that are associated with trauma, but can all exist without it. It's not a requirement in any of them. If you wouldn't use this line as proof that anxiety can never be endogenic, then how does this help show that DID can't? Where is the logic?

Yes... an association... Do I need to pull out the definition of association?

Don't worry! I have the APA's right here!

It's the second definition that's important here. Basically, what is being said is that there's a high correlation between trauma and DID. But... that's also true of anxiety disorders and OCD as we already covered, but neither of those are solely traumagenic.

Neither of these quotes actually support your point.

Something I really need anti-endos to understand is that these comparisons are being made right by actual psychologists and anthropologists.

Here's a recent paper that is comparing Western Tulpamancers to a number of different religious groups including evangelicals, mediums and Okumfu.

Are you going to also pretend like it's insulting when anthropologists or psychologists are making these same exact comparisons? Or are you a hypocrite?

While you think of your answer, we're just going to continue to compare similar phenomena to each other.

Anyway, looks like there wasn't any points on the Schizophrenia note, so I'm about to the end...

Nooooooooooooooooooo!

Okay, fine. Let's keep going then.

Just to summarize for readers, @cistemanger's main argument was that the creator of the Carrd didn't debunk this particular line. This is true. But that point was already debunked back in #2. Arguing that endogenic plurality is possible again here would just be redundant.

If you'd like to get into that point further, I discuss the ICD-11 stating that you can have multiple distinct personality states and Kluft speculating on the possibility of a nonpathological endogenous form of dissociative identity disorder in my Endogenic Syscourse Primer.

The fact that endogenic plurality is recognized as a possible phenomenon makes the statement inaccurate already. That's why the creator of the Carrd instead focused on why it's harmful. Here that is, by the way, since this is a really important one to read from the source

Now, there's one specific part of this I want to address...

This is... such a dodge of responsibility.

Endogenic plurality an active subject of research in psychology and anthropology. It's been acknowledged by Eric Yarbrough in Transgender Mental Health, which was published by APA publishing. The creators of the Theory of Structural Dissociation have said that self-conscious dissociative parts of the personality may be involved in mediumship and hypnosis. Kluft speculated that there may be nonpathological and endogenous forms of DID. Tulpas are actively being researched by Professors at McGill and Stanford University. The ICD-11 says that you can have multiple distinct personality states without DID.

The existence of endogenic plurality has been affirmed by every single researcher who has studied it.

The claim that you need trauma to be a system is a lie. It's disinformation. There is zero validity to it anywhere.

So instead of reiterating that point, the Carrd's creator focused this section on the harm this lie does to traumagenic systems.

You can claim nobody is saying you need to know what your trauma is, but the fact that you're forcing people to admit to having trauma they don't remember in order to be allowed to identify as a system hurts systems who do have trauma and aren't ready to process it.

It does cause people to look for trauma, because people aren't going to say they were traumatized when they don't remember their trauma. They feel like they need to remember in order to prove their validity.

Your lies create this environment that harms traumagenic systems.

This seems to be missing some pretty big points from that article's timeline. (Which itself has links to other historical source in the community.) Such as this FAQ about multiplicity describing non-traumagenic multiples in 1995 and using system interchangeably for all groups.

System has been used by endogenic plurals pretty much since the online community formed, since all multiplicity was considered the same at the time, and there wasn't this major divide between types of systems back then.

No.

OCD is a specific disorder while system is a general word with a broad meaning.

A better analogy is that anti-endos are doing the equivalent of people anxiety disorders claiming exclusive ownership over the word "anxiety," and arguing that it's impossible to have anxiety if you don't have an anxiety disorder.

Okay then... How about the fact that "system" has been used to refer to subpersonalities in the Internal Family Systems model since the 80s, and the creator of IFS has compared these subpersonalities to alters in DID.

IFS… We think people have parts and parts are subpersonalities, and in distinction from a lot of other systems, we believe that we’re born with them. It’s the nature of the mind to be subdivived. That we’re all actually multiple personalities. That people who carry that diagnosis aren’t any different from anybody in here except that theirs got blown blown apart more by the horrific trauma they suffered. But what are called alters in that field are really what we call parts.

Please don't. Or at least keep it out of pro-endo tags this time. I would rather not have to waste more of my time debunking you, and I'm sure your anti-endo friends would rather not see me in anti-endo tags again.

But unfortunately, if you insist on continuing to invade our spaces, I won't have much of a choice but to enforce our community's boundaries and post my responses in yours. 🤷‍♀️

[koinotame]

\o/

hi! it's me, nana / koinotame!

if you're wondering why i went inactive and then deleted, my mental health kind of (really) tanked... and i ended up deleting my blog in a fit.

it's getting better bit by bit though! and i've been wanting to get back into writing (and talking abt my unhinged/yan ideas i can't really talk to anyone else abt), so. here i am! for now, at least

as for my previously posted writing, there's some good news and some bad news: the bad news is that everything i wrote directly into tumblr (99% of snippets, a lot of ask answers, most exact content warnings, etc) is gone. the slightly less bad news is that iirc there were very very few posts of mine that weren't reblogged by anyone at all, so they're probably still out there? feel free to send them my way if you find any and i'll rb them. @/midnight-remembrance also has reblogged a couple of them! there's a couple snippets i have saved in some places, so i might repost those on my own as i find them, but there's very few of those. the good news is that anything longer (proper writing — oneshots, hcs, yan alphabet responses and so on, prompt responses, etc) is safely backed up where i originally wrote it! some of it is also on my ao3, which is the same username. feel free to send me asks about any you'd like to see again and i'll repost them! i might not post them if i feel too embarrassed about/wish i hadn't posted them, and i might rewrite/heavily edit some of them, but i think there's only a handful that fall into the former category and none of them were particularly popular. either way, no harm in asking!

as for some other updates: i'm a little divided on whether i want to keep posting explicit nsfw or not so we'll see. i might just keep it out of main tags. idk yet. regardless of what decision i make, this blog is still strictly 18+ and that will not be changing. since we can reply from sideblogs now, this is a sideblog and not my main now. why? sometimes i prefer to check up on a blog frequently instead of following them for a couple of reasons, but this felt very awkward when they were following me. so this being a sideblog relieves a bit of that stress. if this makes it sound like i have severe brain worms, it's because i do. to that effect though, if we interact every so often feel free to consider us mutuals regardless of whether or not i'm actually following you =w=b tbh i.............. am not really into genshin anymore. i might post about it here and there but i just Do Not (really) Care about it anymore. scara aside to some degree i also have no clue what's going on post inazuma lol whatever projects or commitments to writing or etc i had made beforehand. i forgot all of them so just pretend that never happened ok? ok i'll also probably be posting more sparsely, but we'll see! and (this is obviously the most important bit) i have no clue where i put the mika edit so we're back to my og classic pfp. the header scales terribly and is temporary, please ignore that too

all that aside, as a treat for anyone who sees this in time,

*roughly 6/22 done, but fairly quick to write. roughly one paragraph per character (sneak peek line: "it's not too hard to be discreet with his unique magic when someone really deserves to fall face down a flight of stairs. or three. oopsie. odd they don't remember it, huh? well, he had nothing to do with that.") **more realistic isn't quite the right word(s)... probably won't post this one to the main tags regardless. won't be doing all of the characters (only important/relevant ones) and won't be writing more about/expanding on, so this one is just like. a one off experiment sort of thing. overall less violent than most takes on the au + leans a bit (or lot, depending on how you look at it) more on the religious aspect of self aware aus. i wrote a couple paragraphs a while ago, then rewrote them, but i'll only finish/post them if there's interest for it (sneak peek line: "aether has deluded himself and cast You aside entirely on his own—and when You finally grace them with Your real presence, zhongli is certain aether will be the first to fall from Your grace.")

i have one other new thing immediately ready for posting that'll get posted in a couple of days but that one's pretty silly

[newpotatomash]

It's so fucking ironic when little shits start pelting the comment section in fics that are clearly tagged with "pedophilia" and "dead dove do not eat" and similar words.

Long fucking rant under the cut-

What is it with these people and being unable to just fucking click the back button? It isn't even my fanfiction, but these people just scream everything between "Go to therapy" and "kill yourself" as if they actually wish for people to deal with whatever might cause an issue in their life??? They fucking don't. They just want to scream at strangers to die while they write "UwU dead dove do not eat" fanfics themselves that include murder and violent fantasies of a fictional character.

But it's fine when they do it because nobody involved is underage as if that makes their stupid fucking rules about thought-crimes any less violent.

Why is it always the same people who insist they love dark media?? Either you're fine with MADE UP ACTS or you're not. You can't just fucking pick and choose and decide that you're the authority of "acceptable" violence that someone thought up in their heads.

I am extremely fickle when it comes to media that involves vaginal sex, and that is my responsibility to curate, which is why I fucking??? Don't??? Walk right into a fanfic that's been tagged with those exact tags and blame the author.

I saw someone going something like, "No sane person would read this. I can only imagine a very impressionable child stumbled upon it and saw it, which breaks my heart ngl"

IF AN IMPRESSIONABLE CHILD STARTS TICKING BOXES FOR A VERY SPECIFIC TYPE OF FANFIC, AND THEY THEN PROCEED TO READ IT, HOW THE HELL IS THAT THE AUTHORS FAULT. we're one goddamn step away from blaming murder on video games here.

These fucking people think that wishing death upon others for writing a piece of fiction is any better than a 14 year old reading said piece of fiction and going, "Whoa. Weird." And then leaving the website because they realized that pretending to be 18+ was a bad idea.

I am in awe over the internet.

The amount of times I see the word "degenerate" on a day is completely bonkers and I wish sites weren't so fucking scared of porn. We're just competing in some fucked up moral olympics and nobody is winning except the advertisers who cry snot at a site allowing 18+ content. I love ao3 so much.

I hate that if I wish to post smutty drawings I have to use twitter? I won't suddenly start using a site like furaffinity when I don't draw anything that would count as furry.

I hate the internet for taking away the immeasurable joy it is to bond with people who just want to play dolls (write fanfics or draw fanart, make oc stuff, all that) with me. I've met some of my best friends online that I've sent and received gifts from over the span of 5, 10, 15 years.

I remember writing an abundance of shotacon fics, and knowing it was an acquired taste, but never seeing the kind of moral-policing we have now. (I know it existed. Of course) Hell, I remember people just saying that Enzai was an amazing anime because to them, it was a given that a yaoi anime would include kids and rape and false imprisonment?? It was the fucking wild west and it's like people saw this and went "Hey... We should start tagging things."

But instead of continuing to have fun with their fictional writings and tagging topics in the stories, we just escalated into "We have a pedophilia tag but people will wish death upon you."

How do these people survive in day-to-day life in actual conversation? Do they start arguing and calling a 15 year old who has a crush on their 14 year old friend a pedophile? Do they start berating young women because they named their boyfriend "daddy" in their phonebook? Why are they like this???

I miss fanfiction.net and livejournal so much when the biggest concern was figuring out what topic I'd discuss while I pretended to speak to characters from Yugioh and yelling "I don't own any of these characters". I miss it so much. It made my life better. I found community, I made friends. I wonder what kind of friends people nowadays will make 15 years from now.

Shout out to my buddies from ffnet who are still following me because you know exactly who you are

[violetsareblue-selfships]

Nostalgia

Ship: Kazuha x April | Word Count: 1506 | Warnings/Tags: food mention (again like vague), so sappy, proposal <3

A/N: surprise? ehe~ this is the official announcement I suppose that we're also engaged <3 I'll post the art in a few minutes~~ (and come back and link where it goes in the fic, I like when I did that for scara's :3 -- also this is set in-canon around the Irodori Festival for those who have game knowledge ^-^ I hope you enjoy it~ 💞

"Well, isn't this nostalgic?" April asks softly as she takes in the dark, mystical ambience of the Chinju Forest. "I almost forgot what this place was like…"

"I know what you mean," Kazuha murmurs, a small smile on his lips. "Remember that one time we played hide and seek here and you got so upset that you couldn't find me?" His tone turns teasing and April huffs, though there's a playful sparkle in her eyes.

"You cheated! I never said you could hide up in one of the trees!" If she weren't so keen on holding one of his hands, she'd cross her arms in childish indignation. As it is, she's fighting to keep from giggling.

"Ah, but you never said I couldn't, dove. Besides, I gave you that dango to cheer you up, remember?" Kazuha asks, his smile widening a little.

"Right! I'd forgotten about that… Huh, seems you've spoiled me from the beginning," April teases, grinning when his cheeks go red, barely able to be seen in the atmosphere of the forest.

Kazuha doesn't speak, instead he leads her through the forest until they reach one of the cliffs overlooking the ocean. They sit down together and Kazuha smiles at the automatic way April curls into his side, her warmth always a welcome one.

"Honestly… I'm surprised we didn't get together sooner," Kazuha murmurs after a while of silence, drawing a little curious sound from April. "You're right. I have been spoiling you since we were kids. Mainly because I knew there was something about you… something I had to keep in my life no matter what."

"I know what you mean," April says, her heart fluttering at his words. "You caught my attention immediately and I just knew we had to be friends. Sure, I didn't imagine it would end up like this, but… I'm happy we found each other."

"Mm…" Kazuha hums, turning to press a kiss to her temple. "I am as well. I don't know what life would have been like without you, but I know it wouldn't have been as sweet as it's been. As for now… I can't picture a future without you in it. One without you by my side… it just doesn't make sense."

April laughs softly, her face heating up. Somehow even after all these years, it still takes just a few pretty words from him to make her blush. "It's the same for me. That's why I plan to stick beside you. No matter what you plan to do."

"Mm…" Kazuha trails off, his eyes fixed on the horizon. "C'mon. The wind calls for us to head into the city for a bit."

"Hah, are you sure you're not hungry?" April teases and Kazuha chuckles.

"Maybe so… Then I was thinking we visit Araumi one more time before returning to Ritou."

"Sounds good."

The two stand up and work their way back out of the forest and down towards Inazuma City. Once there, they stop at a food stall and grab something to eat as well as some desserts for the visit to Araumi.

They eat together before setting off. "You know… it is strange to be back here. I know we have been back during the end of the Vision Hunt Decree but we didn't stay this long…" April murmurs.

"I know. It is odd to be here without having to be on edge as well," Kazuha says. They're always so in sync. He'd been feeling the exact same way the whole visit, even before when they were simply staying in Ritou for the Irodori Festival. It doesn't surprise him that they felt the same way. Not when they know each other so well.

"Exactly! It is nice, though, to see everything. It hasn't changed much…" April lets out a soft laugh, both of them knowing that that is due to their archon.

Kazuha chuckles as well. "It truly hasn't… Do you ever see yourself coming back here and settling down?" He asks quietly.

"Hmm. I could see it. But only if that is what you would want. I'd settle anywhere in Teyvat so long as we're together," April muses. "Or even if we never quite settle down. So long as I'm with you… life will be perfect."

"And you say I'm the one with a way with words…" Kazuha murmurs with a soft laugh.

They fall silent again until they reach their destination. They settle under one of the sakura trees and begin snacking on the dessert they'd bought.

Kazuha's eyes sparkle as he leans closer, brushing a stray bit of syrup from the corner of April's lips. He holds eye contact with her as he brings his thumb to his mouth, licking it clean while she blushes. "Sweet. But you're sweeter."

"Kazuha," April whines, her face feeling hot.

"Yes, my sweet? You know it's true," Kazuha murmurs, his eyes sparkling playfully. April whines and hides her face in his shoulder.

"You are dangerous," She murmurs softly. The only problem about knowing each other as well as they do is that they also know the best, most effective ways to fluster the other.

Kazuha simply chuckles and they finish the dessert with no interruptions. "Come here. Let me hold you a little while before we go back." Kazuha opens his arms, pleased when April easily settles into his lap and snuggles in close.

"You know… your words have got me thinking…" Kazuha murmurs, brushing his fingers through her hair softly. "I had already been tempted, but now… I really would like to ask you something. All I request is that you don't interrupt until I'm done."

"Kazuha?" April asks, but he simply looks at her expectantly. "I… okay."

"Good. Now, my precious dove, this whole trip has my thoughts all awhirl… As I mentioned earlier, I cannot see a feasible future without you in my life. You have been there for me when no one else was and you have seen every side of me that exists, yet you love all of me without question. You know I love you the same. For all your flaws, you are perfect in my eyes. You are my muse, my best friend, my lover, the reason I wake up every day, and more…"

While he speaks, Kazuha keeps gently playing with her hair, his eyes never straying from hers. And the longer he speaks, the more her stomach is filled with butterflies, anticipation lighting up every nerve as it builds.

"April, darling, I already have some semblance of an idea what your answer will be. But I find it remiss if I did not ask you this trip. It feels like fate has led us here for a reason, for this reason… So, my dearest, my most beloved…"

Kazuha has kept her attention so solidly on him, on his eyes, that she hasn't noticed him pulling a small bag out of one of his satchels. His fingers tug open the little drawstring bag and empties its contents into his hand.

"Would you do me the honor of becoming your husband? Would you marry me?" Kazuha asks, holding the ring up between his fingers, finally catching her attention with it.

The ring itself is relatively simple: a silver band with a pretty ruby as the centerpiece. But April recognizes it. "Kazuha… have you really had this since then??" She asks quietly and Kazuha chuckles softly.

"But, of course. This ring caught my love's eye. I just knew it had to be your engagement ring…"

"When did you? You didn't buy it when we were together…?" She asks softly, her eyes widening as he chuckles again.

"You got it. Beidou distracted you the next afternoon while I went back to the stall and bought it for you." Kazuha looks so proud of himself that it makes her smile. "As for your answer?"

"Of course, I'll marry you!" April says, tears pricking her eyes at how sweet this whole thing is.

Kazuha smiles at her, a soft little thing that takes her breath away. His fingers are gentle as he lifts her left hand and slides the ring into place, taking her hand and brushing a kiss over the ring.

April's breath catches in her throat and she loops her arms around his neck, pressing their foreheads together. "I'm getting you a ring," She says softly.

He simply chuckles. "If that's what you wish. I'm simply happy you said yes."

"As if I'd say no. You're it for me, Kazuha, you know that."

Kazuha brings her in for a soft kiss at that, his eyes sparkling with delight once the kiss is over. "Now, my dove, it is up to you when we return to Ritou. We can stay here as long as you'd like… or at least until sundown." He lets out a soft laugh at that.

"A little longer. I want you to myself a bit more."

"That sounds perfect, my dove."

And so, they stay there cuddled up, relishing the joy of holding their fiancé.

[antimony-medusa]

once again thank you for putting into words some of the worst problems i've seen/found in mcyt fandom that i just could not put my finger on. ever since i was first getting into dsmp & especially sbi, it always felt so baffling to try and talk about fanfic in the fandom because it was like people (vague hand wavey reference to twt fandom) were just picking and choosing at random which things were and weren't okay with NO basis. but like yeah oh my god its because of kink things. it's because they don't realize it's all kink things, but they'll latch onto and condemn the ones that "stick out" as objectively horny and make call out posts for it. without realizing they're writing the same exact things and just not realizing it's kink. like I'm remembering when sbi twt went to war about petnames and if using them in fic was okay or if it was creepy and it genuinely just boiled down to "it's okay when /I/ do it because I know I'm writing it in an affectionate/platonic way but when YOU do it it's weird because it reads as creepy/sexual!!" meanwhile the fics in question were written in the exact same manner and using the exact same words. LIKE ??

Yeah and like, I'm taking a bit of a different stance than Twitter, because I do think a lot of stuff being written in the SBI tags is kinky, but most of the time the authors are also trying to keep it legitimately platonic, and yeah, the streamers shouldn't see that, but my stance on stuff that the streamers shouldn't see is that we should keep it away from streamers, not that we should harass the people writing it off the internet. Just keep it on Ao3 and tag it and you're fine.

Like, my intent with all of this is not to shame people for having kinks. Almost everybody has at least one kink of some kind or another, and that's fine, whether you get especially into mind control or you find the idea of someone powerful being condescending and mean to you being compelling, or again, you just want someone in a parental role to take care of you and tell you you're good. That's fine. I can't overemphasize how fine that is. Lots of people have that. You can be super ace and also super kinky, even.

I do sometimes feel bad when I see writers who have obvious kinks who are very afraid of exploring any element of sex with that— like I am sorry but vore is not normally a platonic kink, omegaverse being fun for you is fine but it's not normally platonic, but they're desperately toeing that line and attacking anyone who comes close to implying that they've crossed it.

Cause most of what I've read, I don't think the authors are conciously shipping it. You do get the rare person in the tag where I'm like "if kissing wasn't illegal, would this scene have ended in this specific way, huh 🤨", but most of the time I think people intend to be keeping it platonic. But uhhhhhh the fandom tropes that we're all working with now go along with ship and sex in any other fandom, even if everybody's pants stay on in this one. So the people who wrote it know that THEY very intentionally kept it platonic, so THEY are in the clear, but YOU are obviously using a shipping trope so YOU have to be called out— and then the twitter cancellation mill grinds through another cycle, which is not helpful to anyone. What are you gonna do, shrug emoji.

[meimi-haneoka]

Thank you so much for everything. Yes, real life gets hectic and unfortunately, it will be more hectic for me for a while soon. ;-; Hope everything is going fine for you now. As for the chocomint post, hmm, I don't remember the exact chapter number (probably 60/61/62-ish?) but it had Lilie and Kaito in it and because I had never picked up Clear Card as I wanted to binge read/watch it, I was left very confused as to who these two were once I began coming across them in Tumblr. The reason I even came back into the CCS tags because I am actually taking a hiatus from Boruto (yeah, I will confess that I am one of the rare few who went straight from Naruto to Boruto and actually enjoys its sequel). Boruto right now is in a "let's torture the protagonist" phase ala Tsubasa style and it's actually becoming painful to read (actually good writing, it makes you squirm and feel pained for Boruto, he is shaping up to be one of my most favourite shonen protagonists). I am thinking of keeping my hands off it for a few months for binging purposes and thought why not check out my first preteen/nearly teen OTP. And yeah, I come back to find that it is nearly in its arc end. And then I search tags and of course, I find very confusing and disconnected things, especially with random chocomint references, and people being very critical about a lot of things. I totally understand the valid criticisms now that I have caught up but I admit that I did enjoy a lot of things in Clear Card as well and I am looking forward to watching season 2 on weekly basis just because of this. I wonder when that is going to be aired because I can't find any info regarding it beyond its production announcement.

And now I can proceed to reply to this ask of 20 days ago 💦 I'm sorry, but I reaaaaaaally wasn't in the mood to write anything, back then.

Thank you for explaining how you reconnected with the CCS franchise and how you found my blog! 😆 AH yes, our main chocomint sponsor Lilie 😂😂😂😂it makes me laugh so much everytime I think about it...

Now that the manga is ending, I can start working again on the long list of posts addressing many topics, and one of those (I think it'll actually be my next one in line, after the one I did of the literary references) will precisely be not only about the significance of chocomint inside the story, but actually all the food and all the handmade stuff. Yes, they're there to bring a very special message and not only to waste time in the plot. 🙂

And yes, we're all waiting for more info about the sequel of the Clear Card anime, because ever since the announcement on April 1st they haven't said anything else. I expect we'll hear something along with the release of the next chapter, the final one!!

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

hhghgnm i am back. again. for a different thing. i hope you don't mind, i feel like i've talked a lot lately and yet here i am again :'] this will be a bit of a ramble, if i need to apologise at all, then i am doing so now (if not, thanks for your continued patience?? i know my tendency to ramble probably too much too often)

so. you've awakened the dormant single braincell dedicated purely to pokemon stuff. specifically with that one art for childe and zhongli (no surprises there). congration you done it. i thought it might be more considerate to collect my rambles into an ask here rather than leave a hefty tag ramble on a reblog so here i am, because i desperately need to talk to you about it- or at least ask,, no really i would love to talk about it more but that's very up to you

before anything else i want to let you know how much i internally screamed and cried that you gave childe a lantern. tears of joy. no jokes there. you're absolutely right it's perfect for him. also, it's been ages since i read pokespe especially gen 3 and 6 (if gen 6 is relevant? bc gen 3 remakes? my memory is too hazy so i have to include it just in case,, and beyond that i may not be caught up at all, as i haven't had the opportunity to play the games beyond gen 6 and so kinda fell out of stuff since then except for clinging to the stuff i already knew,,) so i need to reread those, but at least personality-wise the thought that struck me was... childe has some gold vibes?? is that. is that just me or. their general attitudes- i can't unsee it,, anyway, i also love the attention to detail with the pokeballs and alternate colour gigalith. thank you. if you apologised for pokemon nerd shining through, this pokemon nerd is rejoicing in what it sees. however dormant it may've been, pokemon was basically the thing that dominated my childhood interests so hahah,,, it's quite strong. also with the titles aside ace trainer and gentleman so true, so true indeed.

so uh.... here's the thing where i ask.... you gave them 5 each, but.... 6 is a full team, so.... :) :) :) any thoughts on, if they had a 6th, who/what it'd be (this question of full 6 pokemon teams also extends to the twins and xiao, not just childe and zhongli. should i be sorry?? i am sorry?? i would hate to think of such things mostly bc i would have a hard time because of overthinking it but i don't know what it's like for you for things like that-)? and eheheh,, can i ask permission to try teambuilding the teams for real. do you know of/use pokemon showdown? i semi-casually use it (with a hint of seriousness, but like. nothing compared to some people) every now and then mostly because testing teams is much easier there,, not that i have anything to stop me from making a team in one of the actual games, it's just. slower. and more of a process. but i really want to try it for them,, if you wouldn't mind, of course. the only thing that would annoy me in such an endeavour would be that shiny gigalith isn't actually amber-coloured. sigh. i don't even have to include not knowing gen 7+ things on that note because it's nothing a lil research and experimenting wouldn't fix, but alternate colours? sad that i can't do much about that one. ah, while I'm at it, not to be super finicky with details or anything,, haha, but hypothetically, for teambuilding, just as a question in general, what would their battle format preferences be...? just the usual singles, or...? if there would be any different preference, i am curious about

hopefully i didn't miss anything but then again, this is probably long enough as it is,,,, whoops

my dear we're on the EXACT same boat holy fuck.

i'm going to put the rest below a read more to spare everyone else's dash, bc you kinda enabled my pokemon floodgates lmao

i too followed pokespe up till the start of gen5 and then kinda lost track of it, but since i'm a hoenn sucker i went back to read the oras chapters (for steven. it was all for steven). if you're wondering- i remember the story being quite decent? take it as an extra chapter for the rse arc, that's basically what it is. sadly nothing will ever top everything surrounding the first 3 regions + dpp (they get extra points for the giratina ordeal), but it was aight.

and you're absolutely right, childe has gold vibes. not an exact 1:1 but there's some things that are just too similar to overlook. alternatively, he's like an unholy mix of red and gold.

i honestly can't remember why i only gave them 5 each- i think in my mind 6 has always been far too many creatures, but 4 too little, so i always fall somewhere in the middle;; as for showdown,

that's where i planned the teams. that's literally where i went to sort thru all pokemon and pick and choose the ones that better fit. i'm a bit of a random team match enjoyer, never been one for building functional competitive teams but i do like playing so random has always been the go-to option.

if i had to give them a sixth slot, it'd probably be: for childe either a pawmot, luxray, or gengar. i feel like his team needs a bit more electric to honor his delusion beyond lanturn, or alternatively some poison or ghost to represent the Abyss. i'd also lowkey give him a nidoqueen, he seems like the kinda guy who'd have one. for zhongli it'd be either rhydon, tyrantrum, aggron, or maybe bastiodon? steel types would fit as steel comes from the earth, ultimately. claydol i could also sorta see, like some sort of living relic. if i allowed myself to pick from the starters, torterra (bc azhdaha). as a joke i'd give him drampa. i feel like almost no dragon types would fit and it lowkey frustrates me lmao for xiao i feel like another flying type would be overkill, so maybe something like an umbreon or a mightyena? he has an absol already, he'd absolutely have a mightyena. if not, then maybe a crobat? if childe has gold vibes then xiao most definitely has silver vibes, although i don't think he'd really mistreat his pokemon at all. i could also see him having an ariados or shedinja ngl for aether and lumine i gave them five bc eevee was like their childhood shared pokemon and then they sort of got matching duos, so they kind of share all five? but strictly speaking they're two different trainers. idk. if i had to give them like another shared pokemon, it'd be castform. or maybe something like a kecleon, sawsbuck, or togekiss. if we count them as separate trainers then i'd give them a pair of indeedee, to follow tradition with the meowstics and ralts line. that'd make it seven mons but it'd still be possible. i honestly don't have the brain rn for six for each tho lmao plus since they kinda share them i think they'd stop at seven. like three each to make six + eevee. if not then i lean towards castform. aether would dress it up like those images where the cloud bumps are boobs and lumine would hate him for it.

as for their battle performances, the twins would absolutely fight doubles. like you could catch them one on one but most of the time it'd be either both or neither. xiao and zhongli would be used to fighting doubles as team partners, but it wouldn't be like their main mode. i think both would've kinda gone their own ways and now fought singles, but wouldn't be against doubles on their own. childe would be singles all the way, OR triples, if only for the chaos. also childe would lowkey go into contests. i mean he has milotic, he kinda has to have been there at some point. maybe tonia wanted to see it so he agreed for his princess. or like- tonia was being bullied by mean girls for it and he decided he'd curbstomp them with a feebas.

anyway aaaaaa,, i went on a ramble again, this is really just my pokemon nerd speaking. i hope that was useful! it's nice to know i'm not the only one on this bandwagon hahah;;

[braceletofteeth]

Tag 9 people you want to get to know better

I was tagged by @kissporsche 💕💕 which made me really happy because a few months ago they initiated a conversation with me and I was too much of an introvert to keep it going, so I had thought then that I had lost my chance at friendship forever 🥲

Three Ships

The (un)holy trinity: Hannigram (from Hannibal), Jongmoon (from Strangers From Hell) and VegasPete (from KinnPorsche).

First Ever Ship

It's hard to pinpoint the exact pair... Hmm... I'll tell you about the first one I remember being obsessed about, as in reading all the fics available about them-obsessed. I was eleven? Twelve? Anyway. That would be Cato and Clove, from The Hunger Games. They were not canon in the book (or the movie! They were done SO dirty in the movie!!! I CAN'T EVEN FIND A GIF OF THEM TOGETHER TO INCLUDE HERE 😤), there were just one (or two?) moments that could be interpreted like that, if you had a wild imagination 😅 Fortunately, at that time, me, and a bunch of other kids who enjoyed the tragedy of it all, read too much into it.

So, while everyone else was discussing the love triangle of the main characters or shipping themselves with Finnick Odair, we were in a dark corner crying and throwing up because of two kids who were raised to become killing machines—the star-crossed lovers from District 2, as we liked to call them.

Last Song

Keep Asking Me, by Francis Well. It has a feeling similar to Little House On The Hill, so I think of them as sisters.

Last Movie

Cherry Magic: The Movie. I had already forgotten the gifsets I had seen about it, months ago, so everything was a surprise.

[spoiler alert] My favorites scenes were the ones of Adachi and Kurosawa meeting each other's families, even though it seemed like my heart was going to jump out of my chest in both occasions 😀

Currently Reading

Making my way through the PrapaiSky tag on AO3 (meaning I'm reading literally anything and everything that sounds slightly interesting).

Currently Watching

1. GAP. I haven't watched the most recent episode yet, but it seems we're reaching the climax of the story. I'm already dreading the moment I'll have to let go of all my girls (+ Mon's step-father) :(

2. Star & Sky Series. I've finished Star in My Mind, and I'll start Sky in Your Heart (which is the part two? the spin-off?) soon (allegedly. Never trust a 'soon' coming from me).

3. TharnType. Only a few more episodes to go. Absolutely bonkers show.

4. Summer Strike. The healing type that I had been saving for when I needed it most.

5. Beyond Evil. I had been saying for a long time that I was going to rewatch BE, but never got around to do it (16 episodes! Who has the time!!). My brother was browsing Netflix looking for something for us to watch together, and suggested BE. I thought he was joking (he has already rewatched it 5 or 6 times by himself 🙃), so I agreed, also joking. Turns out, he wasn't joking 😀😀 So now we're watching it again (*in my first time, I watched it with him as well). It's been a really different experience, watching it from the perspective of someone who knows what they should be paying attention to (I wish I had forgotten the details so I could enjoy the unpredictable mystery again, but it seems I still remember most of it 😅) .

Currently Consuming

Crackers.

Currently Craving

Eight (or more) hours of sleep. No waking up because of freezing temperatures, bad dreams, or the men working on a new floor for my neighbour's house in the early hours of the morning.

... I haven't had one of those in a while 😞

Tagging

Since it's people I'd like to get to know better, I'll tag the blogs I started following more recently: @saturnskyline @leporschespam @ronandhermy @teakrush @stillqueerstillhere (it's absolutely okay to ignore this, though 😊✌)

**If there aren't 9 it's because I'm bad at math.

[vanosslirious]

BBS Dialogue Prompts #362

BBS Dialogue Prompts & Sentence Starters: [ 11 ]

VANOSSGAMING

How did I survive that?

I want to do that.

I can get inside of you.

Knock him off!

Surely he wouldn't do the same one three times, would he?

That's why I said it, I'm a fucking genius.

How did you not die?

Just right before you joined the call.

Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Someone do the honor, I am not picking this.

I got one life, I'm scared, I don't want to go.

Don't waste it on me either.

None of that shit counted.

I'm getting ready for the next round.

I'm invincible, you can't kill me!

Guy's, I'm still stuck, help me.

You'll never find me!

How did you manage to do that?

That wasn't a hint.

I'm not doing anything, I'm just holding it.

SMII7Y

Let's look at the stars together...stand to my left.

Why do you sound like I'm talking to you through a prison phone?

I’m not thanking you.

I’m glad I fucking did!

I’m not thanking anyone.

Good luck killing me though, I'm on your fucking team, idiot!

I don't know what to feel about what you said.

I’m having major deja vu right now, this is nuts.

You better stop that.

Not the time for stunts.

H2ODELIRIOUS

He’s looking for drugs.

Get his money, take his money!

I think you’re good.

You turned into a chicken.

Everything turned into a TNT!

I didn’t do that.

I’m going to try some battery acid!

Why is there a cat down here?

You know what, fuck it, I’m taking more.

We’re in a deep dark hole of death!

JERICHO

Do you feel lucky?

You walked past me.

I just heard glass break.

You dropped me off over here, it's scary.

Why do vampire's need guns?

If you consume a human to get their ability in front of another human, you get tagged.

Why do they care if their friend is getting eaten in front of them?

That's it, you're fucking done.

That's alright, sometimes I like it when you just say shit.

No, you immediantly get notified.

NOGLA

He got you how you got me.

Do a breakdown on my brain, please.

Wait, do we stay in here?

Can we leave, we can leave!

How did this get five stars?

To be honest, I just like him.

I'll be right back, my food's here, I got a cookie delivered.

That's what we pay a hundred grand for, baby.

Be chill was his final words.

There's just going for me, why?

BLARG

You look like someone wishes their pet egg to be real.

Oh, so do we.

I hit grandma with a knife and it's still in her.

Grandma, why do you have so many beer bottles in your room?

We have so many weapons to murder our grandma with right now, it's insane.

Does anyone else have any keys?

Yeah, I will, working on it.

Stop kicking me out the window!

That's not what he said, grandma.

I don't even know who I am anymore.

SILENTDROIDD

I got left, I got left, go.

I didn't know it was gonna explode.

The van is freaking slow.

We're gotta go, he's gonna escape.

What the fuck just happened?

Uh, guys, remember that robot we saw over there?

Uh, even worse, he has a twin brother.

They're like secret paths.

Guys, I don't know how to hack.

Let's go, boys, let's escape in style.

GRIZZY

Alright, everybody pray to god.

I should've clicked your name because rightfully that was mine!

I'm just gonna stick with mine.

We can't afford shit.

Yeah, he's gonna rob your shit.

That'll never happen and we know it.

Oh, I forgot I'm cursed, it doesn't even fucking matter.

Hear me out, both.

This is the exact same thing.

Literally, nothing's new.

MOO

That is useful.

I just railed you.

He blew it too early.

I had it just sitting in my inventory.

Guys, I had one heart left.

I'll help you!

You're not missing much.

That was a massacre, followed by a dispersion.

I had to go take care of my kids, sorry!

Screw doing it together, right?

BIGPUFFER

They have the best goalie in the fucking world.

Give me the fucking ball.

That was all me.

I figured it out.

I think those are bots.

So annoying, I knew you would do it too.

That's a shit ton of loot.

The tree's on fire!

Can I land in the water?

Stop using me as a weapon.

TERRORISER

I just want to get one.

I'm doing gang signs.

What was that noise?

Oh my god, I'm horny.

For once, I'm actually happy to be first.

I'm trying to be optimistic.

I think I got the gold.

I got my tail back.

Keep 'em away from me.

Oh, you're making one, huh?

[lightadarttomendyourheart]

i've decided to take a break from it all. i've realized ive been so consumed by all the chats and planning the weekender and london and everything. texting brandon. i really like to busying myself with planning i think. but anyways, it's gotten too much. i feel like no one (minus a few) really appreciates and respects all the work and hours i put in to everything. and of course its not only me, but i really take the responsibility and the weight on my shoulders of planning all these things. it's an emotional burden. i make so many tabs and docs and resources for everyone to have all the information needed at their fingertips. and then what do they do? don't even fucking use it. they ask the same questions over and over again. when literally, what am i doing? googling it and answering them. why the fuck can't THEY google it and get their answers instead of asking other people. am i a fucking personal travel agent?

and i know i should just not engage. i should just take a deep breath and not reply. wait for someone else to take on the burden. but i can't. i physically and mentally fucking cant. maybe that's my character flaw. and the thing is, someone else WILL answer, and IT WONT BE CORRECT. and then days later someone will finally do the research or someone will tell them or whatever, and THEN they'll find out the actual, true information, when instead i can just quickly reply immediately and give them the exact correct information. but at what cost. honestly, at what fucking cost to my mental health.

i know they don't NEED me to plan shit, people have done trips without me i know i'm not fucking god and know everything. but i have all the info. literally. i remember everything from my initial research. from countless conversations we've had where we've decided this or that. where we've found out this or that. why can't they remember? do they even try to remember? i don't think they do. they just want someone else to do all the heavy lifting and reap the rewards. just tag along for the ride and do nothing. it's too much. i can't fucking handle it right now.

and i do handle it most of the time. and most of the time, it's fine. and with certain people, i get it. but seriously a simple fucking question. they look for it. and they can't find the answer. then i take 2 minutes out of my day and find the answer right away. like???? I DONT GET IT.

i seriously don't get it. it boggles me. why do they have to make my life so hard? i know they don't even realize it. i know it's not personal. but fuck it feels like it. why do you think i spend so much time getting us so organized. so i don't forget and so EVERYONE ELSE CAN BE A PART OF THE PLANNING AND FUCKING KNOW EVERYTHING AND NOT ASK ME THE SAME THING 5 TIMES.

like this is the which trip we're all doing together. like the 6th? 7th? this is not our first rodeo!!!!

i know this has something to do with indy too. how many fucking times did i tell him, this isn't a good idea. i'm going to hurt you. this will fuck up our friendship. yet, he didn't fucking listen to me. and i fucking hate that i can't talk to anyone but maya about it.

and honestly, after that talk we had on saturday night, literally fighting about the same fucking shit we always fight about. and then he makes that fucking rude ass comment about forcing me to go to qrion. like, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?!??!?! after i literally yelled at him for trying to force me to drink. after i fucking told him it made it feel like he was giving me no other option than to kiss him that one night to finally fucking shut him up. he fucking pulls this shit with me again. and it feels even fucking worse than before. it feels so personal. and it feels like he didn't hear anything i fucking said. like all of my feelings and personal views and WANTS mean fucking NOTHING to him. it's so fucking disrespectful. it makes me feel like what i want means absolutely nothing. and honestly, idfk what the fuck his intentions are, because at this point, they can't be good. how can someone explain that with a good outcome at heart. in my opinion, they can't. i really don't get it. what have i done. what did i fucking do to deserve to be so disrespected by my family. when i have fought so fucking hard for him. i've stood up for him SO many fucking times behind closed doors, when he's not even LISTENING or not even IN THE CHAT. i've been his biggest advocate because i fucking care about him and know him and i can't stand people shit talking him when i know he's trying to be good, that he's changing. but guess what, i guess he's fucking not. literally this whole week has proven to me he hasn't changed in the slightest. and with me. what a fucking stab in the back. when all i try to do is fight for him. he can't fucking give me the respect and decency i deserve. fuck him. seriously. i'm so fucking mad at him. and its not like i didn't tell him. it's not like i've secretly been bottling all of this up. he just doesn't fucking LISTEN. it's always all about him. well, what about me. what about my feelings. what about what's good for me????

and honestly, i'm at a point i feel like i've been chasing brandon this entire time and i'm over it. i'm just at full quit capacity right now. i'm quitting everything. not actually, but emotionally, yeah. right now, for the time being, i fucking quit. i quit the group chats. i quit planning. and i'm quitting brandon. if he wants to fucking talk to me, HE can fucking talk to me. i told him of course i'm taking a whatsapp break and to text me anywhere else. nothing bad against him, all about the groups etc. cause it's maybe 5-10% about him (but more so my emotions). i didn't just ghost and stop replying cause he didn't do anything wrong. but i'm curious when and if he will. i wanna say im sure he'll text or snap me something in the next few days. but who the fuck knows.

i really hate how much this all affects me. i wish it didn't. but alas. here we are.

idk how long i'll last. but honestly, since deleting whatsapp after work. i already feel so much better. i feel free. i hope i can last a week at least. maybe before sarah and i go to vic i'll redownload it. but then again, why do i want to stint my progress right before a nice relaxing weekend with my best friends.

we'll see what happens.

[campfirecharm]

I posted 938 times in 2022

That's 830 more posts than 2021!

6 posts created (1%)

932 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@bamsara

@memeuplift

@bucklikethedollar

@everythingfox

@virtuallyinsane-autumn

I tagged 3 of my posts in 2022

#cow - 1 post

#adorable - 1 post

#my heart can't handle this - 1 post

#my heart can only take so much - 1 post

#why is tumblr like this - 1 post

#my ocs - 1 post

#gender neutral reader - 1 post

#gn reader - 1 post

#fanfiction - 1 post

#x reader - 1 post

Longest Tag: 30 characters

#my heart can only take so much

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I feel I might have dyslexia or my 3am brain repeat words over and over again even though it's correct, also I spelled bit of the zevia soda when opening it

0 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

#4

Hello this is my first time in a long time I made a fic please give a review on what you think and please note this is first in time I made this

And yes I made an x reader one I would want y'all to feel the story line and understand the characters more

I hope you like

Plot chapter

When you were younger your parents always went out town to go do work and leave you alone at home with your bulters. Your parents forbid you to go outside because in they're reason there could be a kidnapper, pedos, etc. Even though there's have been zero kind in your town Millieton, you only day dream, you just wish you could just see the outside world just like what your parent and butlers told you about. One day things change and you woke up at a random room, the room your in has old color pattern walls decore and popcorn ceiling, there's one small square window that has small white pattern curtain, you walk to the small window and see the outside. Bunch of animals and a field, though it looks like it's so broken and depressed not like how your picture from what the storys you were told, half the fences are broken or crooked and use to be healthy lookin landscape but now slowly dying, the rain tried to help but even mother nature knows she can't fix this, then you heard someone coming up the stairs, you got the nearest thing next to you and soon start to prepare to hurt or murder someone, even though you don't wanna hurt anyone but if it means to protect you then you'll just have to live with regret of your actions. As soon as the door open it reveals to be a Dog An Australian Shepherd to be exact as the dog went up to you to sniff then licks your hand reassurance you saying it means no harm "awww hello little puppy, aren't you a cutie" you pet it the puppy bark at you and moves on his stomach. As you we're Districtacted you hear a male voice "I would be careful his look can be cute but conceiving at the same time" you look up to see a man, he's was wearing some kind of cheap fancy Walmart boots and clothes he laughs "he like to treat his prey with adorableness be careful" he must be the guy coming up the starts and this must be his home "oh im sorry for that, but I saw you in my barn early in the morning, and I thought I would bring you here, your lucky Lucy didn't lay on or you'll be dead" as the man said "what's your name" my name oh i should answer "oh sorry im Y/n and im sorry if I some how intruder into your home, I honestly do not know how I got here" as you apologize "hey it's okay, your just be lucky you didn't die" the guy said chuckling "anyway do you know what happened" He ask worreily "oh um..yeah I think I got hit in the head or someone put sleeping meds in my drink" you can't remember "you should be hungry, I made food though it might be burnt just a bit" he points cloestet "in there may be clothes my sister and her kid used to lived here before they left town to the city" as he left the room to let you get change he said something "oh by the way my name is Noah" you look at him before he left then window not knowing what the reality will unfold and the truth you'll see.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I hope you enjoy this and please review on how i should improve so I can write better in the future

#really nervous showing this on here

0 notes - Posted October 23, 2022

#3

Hi can you help me reblog my post It's about tofu and his kittens 😊 thanks...

Of course, I just did before I reply to this

0 notes - Posted October 7, 2022

#2

Follow more if you want amazing life changing quotes https://www.instagram.com/p/Cc7KRxguDKT/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

0 notes - Posted April 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

So as it turns out my parents have the original phantom of the Opera musical and I just finish listen to 1-5 of of it

And yes i was on Facebook photo I was showing my group chat about this, currently on music 6 and it not bad, yes it's my first time listening to this #phatom of the Opera

not bad #i never understood why people like it until now #and I gotta ask my parents about this and how they feel #and 20% part of me thinks some of y'all are judging me

1 note - Posted November 12, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →