thinking about just how likely it is that Batman was the only person Harley told about having suicidal thoughts whilst in Arkham in Detective Comics #831
"I was seriously considering hanging sheets from the light in my cell and doing the maximum checkout when I heard this voice..."
Detective Comics #831
and how he knew when she strapped that bomb to herself in Batman (2016) #100 that he had to go after her because she was going let herself die in an attempt to end Joker's rampage for good but that she refused to physically do it because he didn't want to her Kill him and he told her that so she's found a middle ground
"We don't need to end it this way. He needs to be locked back up."
that she'd rather die than keep living with his presence in the world haunting her, haunting Them.
That if he did choose Joker, she wasn't going to disarm the bomb herself.
"Honey. You're talking to the wrong girl if you think he's not dangerous locked up in Arkham. It's like I said. That's not good enough for me. Not anymore."
the way he yells for her as she leaves.
"You're only going to get to one of us in time, Bats. Who's it going to be?"
"Harley!"
the way the two men stare at each other in the way they have so many times before, in those moments when Joker stayed or prioritized their fight over her. the way he knew Joker loved the thrill of it all and thought it was funny, thought there was No way Batman would leave him and that this game had to end as according to the rules. And that Batman would do so, he would follow the rules and save him. The way he immediately assumed Batman would choose him, choose his life and choose to stay and disarm the bomb.
And how Batman didn't do that. How Batman walked away from him, leaving him to die or escape or whatever, because He was choosing Harley and her safety and prioritizing her life over him.
The way he stared him in the eyes before choosing the woman Joker had always left to die over him. The way that it was always Him, it was never a question if he would choose Batman over her, but when faced with that type of scenario, Joker is the one that gets left behind to die.
The way she literally woke up in the hospital instead of them having a scene just outside after he removed it. because she didn't intend to live in one of the two options. the way the bomb probably did go off to some capacity because you don't just end up in the hospital knocked out for a week.
Him saying that he's glad she's okay, after everything they've been through, this war and Everything else. and the way he didn't brush off her concern
"I'm glad you're okay."
"Are you?"
"I had to bury my father again today. I did it with my family."
i just, i can't,,,,, i cant
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A little something featuring Fuuta and Es after talking about their criminal lack of interaction in fanworks with @waivyjellyfish ! You had such awesome ideas (a few of which I'm still bouncing around in my head to post at some point,) but this one ended up taking over my brain -- I hope you enjoy 😅 Attempting to answer the widely-debated question:
“Oi, why didn’t you hit me?”
Es looked up from their paperwork.
“Prisoner number three. Most people are glad when they’re not struck.”
“Well, I’m not.”
Es usually left the door open at this hour, in case anyone had any last-minute complaints before curfew. No one usually took them up on the offer. They figured that if there was any prisoner they could count on to complain, it would be Fuuta marching through their door.
“You hit all the other guys. You even hit some of the girls that were giving you trouble. So what? You think I’m too weak? You think I can’t take it?” Fuuta spread his arms. “I can, so show me what you’ve got!”
Es sighed. They put down their pen. They folded their gloved hands together, resting their chin on top. “Fuuta, I’m not going to hit you.”
“Why not?”
“As of right now, I have no reason to. If you’re referring to the interrogations…”
They reflected on the first one they'd shared with him. To be fair, the thought had crossed their mind. It would have been satisfying to give this rowdy prisoner a taste of his own medicine – striking him after such a dramatic charge at them. But Es was always good at reading people. It didn’t take them long to understand Fuuta was the type to lash out first and ask questions later. In fact, that was likely what had landed him in Milgram in the first place.
Although Es knew they weren’t here to do any reformation, they wanted to try to show these prisoners where they’d gone wrong. So, they resolved to act as the bigger person. They’d prove that senseless violence was just that. By keeping their composure, they’d show Fuuta just how childish he was being.
That wasn’t my only reason. I guess that's true, my actions weren’t all purely righteous. I still spent the entire time looking for ways to make him squirm… But it wasn’t all cruelty. I really did want to understand. I wanted to help. That counts for something, right?
Es never struck the prisoners out of anger, or as a petty show of power. It was a way to force the prisoner to mind their ego. When they’d gotten a bit too full of themselves, a bit too comfortable with the awful deed they’d committed, Es’ blow encouraged them to feel a bit more humility and guilt.
By the time the second trial arrived, Fuuta oozed guilt.
The moment Es entered the interrogation room, it was clear that he needed no lesson in humility. He hugged his arms to his chest. His remaining eye darted around the room in thinly-veiled hysteria. His voice trembled when he spoke. It didn’t require any people-reading skills to hear the remorse that underlaid all of his accusations and threats.
Hitting the others felt like giving a dog a tap on the nose after breaking a rule. Meanwhile, Fuuta snapped and snarled like a stray who’d been kicked time and time again.
Of course, he could never know any of this. Any way Es phrased it, Fuuta would misunderstand it as pity.
Well, wasn’t it? I thought he looked like a kicked puppy – that sounds a lot like pity. No, it was out of respect. Does that mean I didn’t respect the prisoners I did hit? No. I respected them too. Then, what’s the difference?
Fuuta was still staring at them, asking the very same question. What’s the difference?
“Each of Milgram’s prisoners is unique.”
They were met with an unimpressed glare.
Es chose their words carefully. “Each one responds best to a variety of treatments. Some need attention to be comfortable, while others need time. Some need validation in order to confess. Others, a bit of debate does the trick. Some need a show of force. You –” remind me too much of myself “– require something else. I’ve learned to change my approach depending on the person I’m dealing with.”
Fuuta’s features flashed with confusion, then shame, then his usual mask of anger. “Tch. How pathetic.”
“Excuse me?”
“So you just change your personality when it’s convenient? You put up fake smiles and fake attitude? Have some balls and just be yourself.”
Es was caught by surprise. “... I am. Those are all pieces of myself. I choose to bring out different parts when it would be most helpful.”
“Sounds manipulative as hell to me.”
It makes sense he doesn’t understand. He’s a very clear-cut person, with every aspect of his personality lining up in a way that makes sense. I find that predictability fun. Or, is it something that I envy? Could it be both?
They had no time to dwell on it, as Fuuta was struck with an idea. “Though, if you can do it on command, why don’t you give me the ‘you’ that wants to hit someone?”
He spread his arms once more, hands gesturing to his chest. Es pretended not to notice him wince. They remained in their seat.
“What are you waiting for? Hit me!”
“I will not.”
“You just said you can change your personality on a whim, so let’s see it!”
“That is not what I said.”
His good eye began to look frenzied. He raised his voice. “You scared? The big bad warden of Milgram, nothing but a big coward!”
“Stop this. You’re acting childish.”
“No! You’re treating me childishly! Let me see the Es that kicked Shidou! The one that slapped Kazui! Treat me like you treated them!”
“I hit them because they said something stupid. They deserved it.”
“Are you fucking kidding? I deserve it too! I deserve it! Come on!”
At the last word, his voice broke. He stumbled to his knees. He let his head drop. He sucked in strained breath after strained breath. Shidou would surely give him a lecture about getting so worked up with his injuries.
Es finally stood.
They made their way around the desk. They knelt on the floor in front of him.
“Why?” he wheezed. “Tell me…”
“Fuuta.”
Should I just go ahead and do it, just to make him happy? No, I want to talk it out. But what do even I say? I'll tell him that I care. I can’t. None of the prisoners understand that I care. Why? Why is it so hard for them to see? I’m trying my best, why can’t they see?
Es extended their hand carefully. They didn’t know what they hoped to accomplish, but in that moment their thoughts were too loud and conflicting. They needed to do something.
Fuuta saw the gentle intention, and immediately raised his own hand to strike. It froze midair, though whether it was from Milgram’s restrictions or his own hesitation, Es would never know.
Neither of their gestures connected.
Footsteps. Then Yuno’s voice, hesitantly from the doorway. “We heard shouting, is everything alright in here?”
Es retracted their hand. A beat. Fuuta dropped his, too.
“Yuno. Yes, we’re fine. Fuuta was just heading to bed. I’m going to walk him to his cell.”
“I can handle myself.”
“I said, I’m going to walk him to his cell.”
Es stood, nodding to Yuno. When she’d gone, they turned their attention back to the prisoner crumpled on the ground. They made an effort to quiet their ever-racing thoughts.
“Listen. I know you can handle yourself. I’m not doing this because I think you’re weak. You’re strong. Don’t think for a moment that I don’t see that.”
They held out their arm to help him up. He didn’t move.
“Sometimes you are a bit too strong, if you ask me. I mean, picking fights with your prison warden, really?” They clicked their tongue. “You should be grateful for a superior that gives you second chances.”
At last, Fuuta took their hand. He avoided meeting their eyes, but his voice had softened considerably from his rant. “The only thing you give me is a headache.”
Es offered a dry smile as they pulled him to his feet. “The feeling is mutual.”
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GAVIN QUOTES THAT I HAVE ROTTING IN MY NOTES APP BECAUSE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH
S/N: He (along with Milo and Guy ofcc<33) is the reason why I know what healthy love looks like
- [ ] “How should I fuck you tonight?”
- [🥺 ] “What I want right now is for you to be happy”
- [ ] “You can do anything you want to me, Deviant”
- [😍 ] “Call it arrogance but i know my appeal just as i am”
- [ ] “I don’t want easy. I want to be a person. My own person”
- [🥺] “Being alive and living are two different things”
- [ ] “I might not check the box for every single person out there but I don’t want to”
- [ ] “You get to decide which parts of yourself you get to share with other people”
- [ ] “I don’t take that trust lightly and it is reciprocated”
- [ ] Thank you for trusting me… and for letting me know that I’m fucking another guy’s charge”
- [🥺😭♥️] “You can set the world down now. That doesn’t make you a failure that doesnt make you weak there isn’t a finish line you didn’t get to, there is just your life stretched out ahead of you. There are people in your life who care about you”
- [🥺😭♥️ ] “We’re here for you. I’m here for you” *hugs* it’s gonna be okay you’re okay. You don’t have to be everything for everyone. You matter to and it is not selfish to admit that”
- [ ] “This is not you breaking this is you taking control. This is you redefining your circumstances instead of letting them control you”
- [ ] “It’s time to start living”
- [ ] “I know I’m awful but would you want me if I was anything else”
- [🥺 ] “You’re not alone. You don’t have to do this alone anymore”
- [😭 ] “You honor me by letting me see this side of you”
- [😭😭 ] “Because i don’t want the words the impact you’ve had on my life to go unheard”
- [☺️] “You know all of these things but i like saying them”
- [*crying cat meme*] “Cherished words that carry my love to you and hold you in blissful rest”
- [🥺] I want you to have peace, so my words bring you peace. It’s that simple and it’s nice for something to be simple for a change
- [🥺 ] But you held on. You made space. You asked me to step into that space.. no one ever asks me for that
- [🥺♥️ ] “You are loved and loving and what you do matters so very much”
My love🥺
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