#> having to give life advice and talk them out of irrational thoughts and fears and trying to inspire self confidence and help with anxiety

[saviourkingslut]

something very rotten abt how a friend can become a chore and an obligation who you extend care for and go through the motions of friendship for bc of what they used to mean to you through no fault of their own. and they still feel very warmly for you but unbeknownst to them you can't return the feeling anymore. truly one of the worst things in life

[billyhargrovestits]

Wayne knew since he was a boy that he was never going to be a parent. He decided that the first time his own left a bruise on his jaw that turned the color of beautyberries and his loving little town instead asked what he did instead of if he was okay. If it was normal - if it was what was expected of him - he wanted no damn part of it and that was fine.

He had his baby brothers birth announced around Christmastime a few years after the move to Hawkins. It didn’t really come as a huge surprise to him at the time, having noticed his mother’s stomach forming a small bump over the last couple of weeks along with a small change of diet that was out of character. He was old enough to know that the small bump was growing into a new responsibility for him. Someone to protect with all his being and honestly?

Wayne had been fucking terrified.

His little brother’s 5th birthday was an absolute nightmare. Yelling, screaming, a few new holes in the wall, a few new bruises littering Wayne’s body - an occurrence that was growing increasingly common then. He had heard the sounds of feet retreating back into their room long before when he knocked at the door and quietly let himself in. Trying hard to ignore the soft sounds of crying that was in the darkened room.

“…Why does he do that to you?”

He had asked then. A simple question that had no answer, so Wayne stayed silent.

Yeah - he was never going to become a parent. Not if he couldn’t answer simple questions like that.

His little brother was 18 the first time he landed himself his big trouble. He had heard about the various grievances he had given Hawkins police over the years from their mother and her calls, but nothing as big as grand theft auto. And of the principles car no less. That was when he stayed with Wayne in little comfy trailer for a while. That was when Wayne tried to give his hand at some advice.

“Hawkins may not be for you….maybe Chicago.”

He moved to Chicago a few months later. Met a girl years down the line of working various odd jobs around the city and everything seemed to be fine. Wayne had met her whenever they tripped down to little Hawkins to visit and she was a nice one. Full of life and with fluffy hair that was so deep a brown that it sometimes looked black. Not to mention her eyes. Wide and so very sincere and capable of every emotion across the spectrum.

When he received a call that they were expecting - Wayne had felt a familiar pang of fear. It was irrational and he knew that. It wasn’t gonna be his kid, everything with going to be fine. They were going to be wonderful parents that was going to raise a wonderful kid. Even if his brother had seemed…off the last few times they visited and talked.

The first time he held Eddie, it was only a few days after he had been born. Wayne took time off work and drove up to Chicago to visit the little guy and the new parents. He looked so small in Wayne’s arms then. Dragging an emotion out of him that he didn’t quite know how to process when he looked up to catch the look in his little brothers eyes. A look of pure fear.

Eddie was two years old when the boy’s mother had passed. Some sort of sickness that they had caught too late and it devastated everyone involved. Wayne included. Some part of him knew then that something snapped within his brother. The love of his life gone, and a toddler asking him what happened to mommy.

Wayne watched as everything deteriorated. His brother falling back into habits that he thought was long-since suppressed and even teaching them into young and rebellious Eddie that was…definitely not being looked after like he should have been. Everything culminating into a night when Ed’s father finally got caught by police, and with charges that were likely going to stick for a long, long time.

Eddie was only 11 when he came to Wayne’s trailer in Hawkins. Head freshly shaved of all the mats that had slowly been forming in hair that was so much like his mothers and with Wayne helping his duffel bag into the cozy room in the back of the trailer.

Wayne didn’t want to become a parent, but if he was going to be one: He was going to be a damn good one. He wasn’t going to scream or yell or hit or teach him bad and he was going to answer all the questions that the boy wanted answers to and he was going to protect him from everything.

—

He failed. He failed. He failed.

As he looked at the necklace in his hands. Turning it over in hands worn by years of hard work.

He failed.

[i4juni]

🍟🕷️✂️📚 🎨 🌈🔥☄️for yumi !

˚₊໒🪽꒱ 𝐲𝐮𝐲𝐮 : 𝐚𝐧𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬 ₊˚

🍟 FRIES - do they order food often? or they prefer to cook their own food?

“i prefer my own cooking or my members cooking, it's more cost efficient but do eat some take out here and there. I was traumatized with fast food while training & growing up so, yeah.”

🕷️ SPIDER - what is their biggest fear? do they have any irrational / mundane fears?

“i'm really scared of the dark, so much so, i sleep with moonlighting. the members constantly tease me because of it but i hate the dark. now irrational fears, maybe trypophibia?”

✂️ SCISSORS - what is the "last straw" for them to cut someone out of their life? how easily do they let go of people?

“you talk bad about my friends or family. being hypocritical in general is a big no no for me.” Yumi stated, before continuing, “i find it hard to let go of people but will not let it stop me from taking out toxic people from my life. had too many of those in my life for way too long.”

📚 BOOKS - how were they at school? what is their best subject? what is their worst subject? do they have a favourite subject?

“i was a good student, wasn't a straight a student but good enough to have been one of the best students in my class. i graduated with a 3.85 GPA, i think. my worst subject was history, best subject science.”

🎨 PALETTE - can they draw? what do they like to draw?

“i can't really draw. but i can doodle, i perfected that in boring classes at school” yumi joked, giggling, “but, no, i can't draw.”

🌈 RAINBOW - what advice would they give to their younger self?

yumi thought for a second, as if doubting if to say it but regardless spoke up, “you're not fat, don't listen to them.”

🔥 FIRE - do they have any self destructive tendencies? what habits do they have that hinder them from becoming their best self?

“i use sleep to cope with any emotions i don't like. it's bad, I'm conscious about it but i don't know how to stop it. the members try their best to help me though, I'm very thankful for them.”

☄️ COMET - what do people assume about them? are they right?

“people always assume I'm this ray of sunshine, and i do present myself to be that but I'm not always like that. so people are right in a sense!”

[aplaceforthesoul]

Anonymous submitted:

I need help

Hey. This is not my first time reaching out for help, but no one has ever taken me seriously. I really need a solid solution for my current mental state.

It all started in September (2021), but I don't know exactly how. I just started feeling really anxious, scared and stressed out. I always think everyone hates me, that they are plotting behind my back and want to harm me... even the closest people.

I also started obsessing over "life signs" and can't get them out of my head. I see a word "break up" and I think my fiancé will leave me, I hear that some died because of cancer, I think I will too, I hear a sad song, oh something bad is going to happen to me.

I've stressed myself so much lately. I can't sleep at night fearing that all my life will fall apart.

Please help me. I need advice.

feeling like you’re obsessively focusing on something is tough to manage, especially if you feel like you have no control over things.

in the short term, something that you could try doing? whenever you find yourself getting caught up in anxious thoughts or over-thinking, physically stop anything that you’re doing and find somewhere quiet and private (bedroom / bathroom etc). take a moment to focus on your breathing. this post could help with focused breathing techniques, which can help to ground you? focused breathing helps because it works to slow down your heart rate, it decreases blood pressure, it allows more oxygen into the brain so you can think more clearly. also, sometimes saying things out loud can help too. sometimes people really do underestimate the power of affirmations! so saying out loud “I’m not going to let my thoughts get the best of me today, I’m going to stay grounded, I’ve got this” or something like that really can help – it makes things feel a lot more real, and a lot more believable, it gives your words power, and gives you the strength to believe in your own convictions. 

so if there’s days where your thoughts are becoming too loud to cope with and you feel distressed or overcome with anxiety? stop whatever you’re doing, take a few deep breaths and say aloud to yourself “I’m not going to let my thoughts + fear get the best of me today, I’m going to stay grounded, I’ve got this”. repeat it like a mantra if that works, whatever works best.

in the long-term though? support from a mental health professional is what can help the most. I know that’s not easy to get for a lot of people! the conversations around mental health has lessened some of the stigma which is great, but there’s still a massive hurdle of accessibility to overcome and I truly do understand that. but if you have any option to seek professional help (therapists, counsellors, social workers, youth workers, psychologists, psychiatrists), then please please do so. 

let other people in your life know what’s going on, so that they can help you and support you. be honest and open about what you’re going through, keep talking about it and make a point of showing to people that this really is of concern for you. I am taking you seriously! I really am, I believe everything that you’re experiencing, it sounds terribly frightening and isolating. this fear and anxiety may have started to become a little irrational and bordering on paranoia, which is asking for help from others can keep you grounded in reality and can help you through this. let us know how things go for you friend, all the best <3

- tash

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: INFP with social anxiety here. I have a therapist but we're focusing on some other issues right now. In the meantime, I was wondering if you had some advice for me. I know you're not a professional (you say that multiple times in your posts) and of course I'm not asking you for a fix for my social anxiety with this - I'm just asking your help to understand what part my cognition could be playing in all of this cause I'm really curious.

Basically, my problem is the time frame right BEFORE I meet someone and, sometimes, immediately after. I don't really have problems socializing in the "middle", if you get what I mean; I'm easily adaptable and once I'm relaxed, once I realize no one is there to attack me, my mind starts getting ideas and I kind of know what to say, even though I'm a bit out of practice and I still have problems convincing other people of my emotions (like, mirroring their emotions so that they know I agree with them and stuff like that; for some reason they never ---believe me when I say it with words).

When I make plans, anyway, and I still haven't met the person, I get this anxiety: like I would rather stay home than go there because it's going to be "boring" and I'm probably going to feel like an idiot or make some sort of social gaffe. I mean, I do kinda get bored after a while anyway, but I also know I tend to overestimate that level of "future boredom" to the point it hurts me to even think about showing up and forcing myself to think of stuff I can-- say.

I get anxious because I start thinking about the way people used to treat me in the past (I've always been the black sheep of my family and/or my social circles and I vividly remember some bad things they used to say to me) and I start worrying that, deep down, they still think of me like that and they're never going to forget that "preconception of my identity" and open their eyes to who I am now, or I guess to who I've always been.

I do realize it doesn't make much sense, this "who I ----really am" part - but I've always had the impression that I was a bit different than the "me" they percieved, maybe because after many, many years of being accused of "selfishness" and "inability to tune in with the emotional atmosphere" I learned that in order not to ruin the "social mood" I should've adapted myself to the group - but the problems is that I suppressed "myself" in the meantime (and with myself I mean, like, my real interests, the things I'd like to talk about for ages without-- having to be interrupted or looked down on because, quote unquote, "ok, cool, but we don't really care").

I understand now that if they don't give me hints of actually caring about the subject I should stop rambling like a fool, but this is making me feel like I have nothing "useful" to offer them and therefore bringing the anxiety I'm struggling with. It makes me scared that I'll never be able to be myself around them because of the "social rules" I want to respect to be accepted, & to make----it worse I'm out of practice like I said before and sometimes it just gets too awkward and I want to get out of there.

I bet I'm doing something wrong because friendships and relationships in general are not supposed to be "boring", am I right? And yet until I don't get distracted by the actual conversation, I feel like it's going to be really boring and uncomfortable and sometimes going through it is SO horrible... most of the time I end up making up some excuse to go home earlier and talk----my internet friends instead (thank God for the internet!!!!). Anyway, thank you if you'll answer! And have a good summer vacation c:

-----------------------

The first thing I notice is that your thought process bears a very striking resemblance to many INFJs who struggle with social anxiety due to poor Fe development (see past posts). As a general rule, if I have good reason to suspect that someone might be mistyped, I won't provide info about function development until they undergo a proper type assessment. Otherwise, they might adopt the wrong method of improvement.

You say you want to understand what part your cognition plays in the social anxiety you experience, so I will mention the aspects of your cognition that seem most significant:

1) No Chill: You overthink things to an extreme, to the point of self-sabotage, perhaps even creating a self-fulfilling prophecy (i.e. when expecting the negative actually makes the negative happen). Overthinking means that you're not confronting the real obstacle getting in the way of your socializing. You're constantly trying to envision, imagine, or predict what will happen in a social interaction? WHY? What's the point of that overthinking? It's how you avoid confronting your fear head on.

2) Insecure: Your "predictions" are too often faulty because of being tainted by your underlying insecurities. You're insecure about being attacked, being accused, being misjudged, doing something wrong, being deemed of no value or unworthy of care, not being accepted or acceptable, dying of awkwardness, feeling bored, feeling uncomfortable, and on and on. You've described your thought process in detail. But nowhere do I see you confronting your insecurities, digging deeper into them, in order to understand the root of them. Insecurities are a manifestation of fear.

3) Control: Irrational anxiety is oftentimes about trying to control things that you shouldn't be trying to control or cannot have any control over - it wastes mental energy and leads to futile behavior. As long as you're trying to control social situations and their outcome, you are either trying too hard to make reality match up with your expectations or you're fumbling whenever reality unfolds outside of your expectations - you become rigid and frail. You claim to be "adaptable" but everything you say after that only proves you don't know the meaning of the word. You can't handle unpredictability, hence, the attempt to be in control by trying to "predict" everything. Do your attempts to control actually work? Do they help or hinder you? If they mostly hinder you, then isn't it time to change your strategy? Anxious people often believe that having more knowledge or control is the answer to their fear. But, in your case, the huge cost of being controlling is being incompetent. What's worse, the fear is still right there running the show.

4) Unresolved Trauma: You attribute your troubles to your past. Fair enough. Growing up in a social environment that did not respect and appreciate you is painful, even extremely traumatic for certain personality types. It also makes people too hungry for validation. It's natural that you wouldn't want to feel the pain of it again. However, if that pain remains unexamined and unresolved, you will unconsciously keep seeking to resolve it, which means re-enacting the trauma over and over again throughout life. The proof? Every time you meet someone, your first stance is defensive, because the first thing that comes into your mind is that you don't want to be attacked or invalidated. That old pain is running the whole show because you are deeply afraid of experiencing it again, yet you don't realize that YOU are the one calling it back up and rehashing it. What are you doing to resolve the pain rather than indulge the fear?

5) Self-absorbed: Social anxiety makes people too absorbed in their own thoughts, feelings, hopes, and expectations. They are too preoccupied with what they want, what will happen, how they will be perceived, how they might make a mistake, how they might be attacked, etc. This means they're not truly present with people, so the relationship can't really go far. Driven by fear and insecurity, they are always behind a wall, too difficult to reach.

Even if you happen to meet the right people, do you make it easy for them to befriend you? It seems that you can't open up with ease, you can't go with the flow of the other person when they don't live up to your expectations, you can't keep your emotions in check and misjudge situations, you get bored when it's not about you, you run away instead of making things better. Looking at yourself objectively from the outside, would you want to be friends with someone like that?

If you want to have good friends, you first have to BE a good friend. You want care, love, and validation? We all do. The best way to receive it is to be the first to give it. By being more aware of other people's needs and doing more to show that you care about them, you put them in a better position to care about you and meet your needs in return. This is the difference between actively trying to "make" a friend vs passively wishing for a friend to drop into your lap.

Being a friend isn't about what "value" you have, as though you're some kind of object being appraised and sold. Being a good friend is quite a simple matter of putting out the energy to care and show that you care. When you meet someone who's moved by your care, they will care for you in return. When you meet someone who's unmoved by your care, figure out the real reason why, in order to determine whether you should keep trying or put your energy elsewhere.

You never really know who you'll hit it off with. One of my favorite experiences in life is making a friend in the unlikeliest of places. As an adult, meeting new people is a numbers game. All you can do is keep pushing yourself to meet new people. The more people you meet, the greater the odds of clicking with someone. If you're looking to meet like-minded people, go to places that are likely to have people who share your interests. If you don't hit it off with someone, simply move along. You don't have to be friends with everyone, do you?

Yet, you take every little social interaction so seriously that each step is like life or death - that's what makes socializing tiring, laborious, and unfun. Why not enter into every social interaction with an open mind and an open heart? Why not truly go with the flow, without having to undergo the repetitive ritual of predicting what will happen or fussing over what did happen?

6) Poor Emotional Intelligence: This point is the common thread that runs through the previous points, which is why I keep repeating the word "fear". You have extremely low tolerance for negative feelings and emotions, which means you really need to work on learning how to deal with your emotional life better. Any little sign that things won't turn out the way you want and you start to panic, overthink, blame, or flee. Why do you recoil from yourself and your own feelings and emotions? Why are you so easily shaken by boredom, awkwardness, invalidation, failing, other people's negativity, etc? Why do you react so badly to these things (when others just brush it off and keep going)?

7) Low Self-Awareness: It's not enough to just name the fear ("I'm afraid of____"). Does the label explain why you have this particular fear and not some other fear? It's not enough to blame the past ("It's because of ____"). Why did someone else with a similar past as yours not develop this fear? To get to the root of fear, you have to identify, in exact terms:

what aspect of you has to change to overcome the fear

what aspect of your identity has to "die" (i.e. be let go of) in order to evaporate the fear

Until you answer the fear properly, it won't go away.

[satendou]

⟼ some kind of disaster

⍣ all time low series | previous | next | 2/4

・‥…━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━…‥・

⇢ pairing: tendo/reader

⇢ au: atl!au, college!au

⇢ summary:  tendo knows he is, he was just waiting for you to figure it out  

⇥ masterlist

⇢ warnings: angst, breakups, akaashi being a good friend, semi being (maybeb too much of) an asshole

⇢ word count: 3496

・‥…━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━…‥・

⇢ a/n: 1) this is unedited. 2) i have a serious complex about this whole series now due to how well monster did, so i’m sorry if anyone is disappointed by this chapter.

i’m a liar i’m a cynic i’m a sinner, i’m a saint i’m a loser i’m a critic i’m the ghost of my mistakes and it’s all my fault that i’m still the one you want what are you after, some kind of disaster

They say falling in love is easy, it’s falling out of love that’s hard. What they fail to mention is how hard it is to still be in love even when you know it isn’t what’s best for you.

And right then, Tendo wasn’t good for you.

It had been several months since that first night and, though you had known it wouldn’t be easy, you had never expected it to be like it was. He had more issues than you could have imagined and a staunch refusal to talk about them. You had your guesses about why which you tried to understand, but the way he handled any small argument or misunderstanding in your relationship was unbearable and unhealthy.

Even now, he wasn’t speaking to you and it was tearing you apart. You weren’t even aware of what you had done because he wouldn’t tell you and you couldn’t for the life of you recall having done anything specific.

“Are you gonna do it today?” Akaashi asked, his words soft, full of understanding. The classical literature class you shared with him was over, and he hovered beside your chair waiting for you to gather your thoughts and your items up. He knew most of what had been happening with Tendo and sympathized because he also knew how enamored you had become with him. It was understandable-- you had been dating for a while, but he had seen a slow decline in your mood over the last few months. After the honeymoon period was over, he would guess, and the little issues that always crop up in relationships started to manifest. 

He recalled the night two weeks ago when you had come to him asking for advice, and it all poured out over takeout and wine. Even Bokuto, who always saw the bright side of things, remained in silent shock at everything happening behind the scenes.

You said he was never violent or angry or irrational. He would just...ignore you for hours or days on end, sometimes for things you couldn’t even determine, then come back like nothing had happened. If you did have an argument, no matter how small, he would just walk away without even trying to come to an agreement, then refuse to speak to you like normal until he decided he was done with that.

Akaashi’s heart broke for you as you sobbed into first your hands and then Bokuto’s shoulder, though he couldn’t refrain from smiling at Bokuto’s sympathy tears. His partner really was too cute for words.

Then you had spoken the dreaded words he was sure had been sitting in your throat for a lot longer than it had taken you to come to him.

“I think I’m going to break up with him.”

The relief that drew across your face as you said that was evident that you weren’t thinking about it, that you just needed support to go through with it. Of course, he and Bokuto were more than willing to give you that.

“I think so,” you murmured, taking your time packing up your stuff. The text you had sent at the beginning of class went unanswered, but marked that it was read two minutes after you sent it.

We need to talk.

It was too obvious what that meant and you were dreading the confrontation to come. You weren’t worried about him getting aggressive. In fact, you were pretty sure you knew how this was going to go down. Like every other argument, he was going to pretend it wasn’t happening and walk away.

The door was too loud when it opened, the students out in the hall too happy when Akaashi opened it. Your heart skipped a beat when you saw Tendo standing across from the door staring out the window with a pensive expression. Then it clenched with all the emotions you were feeling, good and bad and your head spun with anxiety. He looked so sad, his usually vibrant red eyes dull and blank as he watched whatever was going on in the quad.

“I’ll wait for you, okay?” Akaashi asked. You nodded absently, eyes still locked on Tendo. For most people, he would be afraid they were going to renege on their resolve and give into the false promises of change. But the change he had witnessed in you over the last few months and the quiet sadness in your softly spoken words a couple of weeks back had given him a different feeling. You would go through with it, and it was going to shatter you.

Tendo still didn’t look at you when you called his name and, if you had been wavering at all, that shut it down. But he followed you anyway, until you found a secluded spot down an empty hallway. 

You took a deep, stuttery breath. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” he asked, and his voice was icy. He didn’t even seem to care about the tears starting to fall or the way you swiped them away. But it pierced his heart, knowing it was him that caused them, and he knew what was coming. He had known it would end this way the moment he fell for you. He had ended up hurting you just as he’d said he would, and yet he’d let it get this far anyway.

“I’m sorry for whatever it is I did this time. And I’m sorry, but-- I don’t think I can do this anymore,” you whispered, drawing him back to the present.

Silence followed those words. You still weren’t looking at him, so you missed the widening of those sleepy vermillion eyes you’d so come to love and the hands that caressed you so gently curling into fists at his sides.

He knew it, but couldn’t stop the surprise, even as the first crack appeared in his heart. “I-- What?”

It was so hard. Without meaning to, you had fallen in love with him, flaws and baggage and all. You should’ve known better. You had known it wouldn’t be easy to love him but it...it was so much harder than you had been expecting. Too much of your time was spent wondering what you had done to upset him this time and why he was ignoring you, because Tendo didn’t talk about his feelings with you. He left them on a back burner on high until they were so burnt they were unrecognizable, and when he was done being pouty he would seek you out and act like nothing was wrong.

There was no communication in your relationship-- if you could even call it that at this point. You couldn’t find a point to being together if every other day you had done something new to drive him away. It was taxing on you, your mental health plummeting because you were constantly worried about if something was wrong with you. It wasn’t until one of your other friends pointed out how different you were that you turned inward and discovered that particular truth.

You were struggling to keep it together by then, the pain in your heart and the tightness in your throat threatening to overwhelm you. You still hadn’t looked at Tendo. It was too hard-- you would never be able to get the words out if he was staring at you with hurt and confusion. 

Taking a steadying breath, you said, “I can’t fix you, Tendo. This-- This thing we have isn’t healthy, it’s-- we spend more time f-fighting than we do-- or you spend more time ignoring* me for things I-- I don’t even know why half the time and I’m constantly wondering what I’ve done--”

You stopped.

Your thoughts were racing in time with the throbbing pain in your chest and your voice had risen into a high-pitched, breathless mess and you couldn’t think. Breathing in deep, you closed your eyes, letting the tears fall as they may just to give you some relief from the pressure in your throat and once again you missed the look of fear on Tendo’s face.

He’d seen it coming. He had been expecting it for weeks, but didn’t know he would still be blindsided by it. It was his own fault, expecting you to chase after him and deal with his bullshit on your own. He knew it wasn’t fair, but every time he considered the alternative, he clammed up. Still, he wanted to reach out, to comfort you and tell you he would change, but he knew it wasn’t true.

His problems were deep rooted and it wasn’t his partner’s job to put him back together-- even he knew that.

So his nails continued to bite into his palms at his side as he let you spill every pent up emotion, just waiting for the final door to slam in his face.

“But it isn’t me,” you whispered, so quiet he almost missed it. At long last, you lifted your head up and met his eyes. Those beautiful red eyes that you often found yourself lost in were bright and clear and dead, not a trace of emotion anywhere in them. Like he didn't care, and that only made you cry harder. “I know it’s you and I can’t do it anymore. Everything you do makes me-- I’m not the problem, Tendo.” He flinched at the use of his surname and you ignored it. “I love you, you know that? I don’t know when or how, but I do know why. But I also know we aren’t healthy and this relationship is-- it isn’t a relationship. It just isn’t. I don’t know what it is but I--”

He swallowed as your shoulders fell. The words he wanted to say bubbled on his tongue and he bit them back. Hearing you say them now was a cruelty he knew he deserved after the way he’d been treating you, but he still wanted to lash out and break you like you had broken him. But as a last kindness for what you had given him, he only turned and walked away.

The silence that remained spoke volumes like the space that had developed between you, and you left as well, leaving everything behind.

Akaashi was waiting for you just around the corner from the hall, watching Tendo shove through the crowd and out of sight. His hand was warm against your cheek as he wiped away the lingering tears. For now, they had stopped, but he knew more would come.

It felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders, in some regards. The weight of your feelings for him still remained, and you knew they would take some time to slide off as well. Akaashi was watching you with kind sympathy, his quiet company a relief as you looped your arm with his, letting him lead you out into the warm spring air. It seemed almost cruel that the weather was so nice when you were so miserable, and a few more tears spilled. 

Guilt accompanied every breath that you felt so light following your breakup, but you knew it was for the best. Nothing good would come of remaining with Tendo when he was so mixed up-- you couldn’t make him happy if he couldn’t make himself happy, and vice versa.

Bokuto’s voice rang loud over the sound of the rest of the crowd, waving his hand above his head at the pair of you. 

“Shall we go get something to eat? And it’s Friday, you can stay with us, if you’d like,” Akaashi said, his voice soothing and melodic to your ringing ears. Suddenly you were more than grateful to have him and Bokuto in your life-- even if the latter was a bit obnoxious.

Like now, he was literally tugging you and Akaashi along behind him, talking nonstop about food, not listening to a word Akaashi was saying. But when you looked over to your friend, he didn’t look aggravated. He looked content and amused, staring at his partner with a soft fondness that made you almost jealous as you thought about when Tendou would look at you that same way.

There was a sharp pang in your heart as you realized he probably wouldn’t look twice at you again. Because that’s just how Tendou was. He ignored his problems and waited until they just went away. And you needed more than that.

i crashed down from a high that felt so real i never knew how much it would hurt to feel you gotta hurt sometimes to learn to heal you gotta get back up and learn to deal, yeah and it’s all my fault that i’m still the one you want

“You’re a fool, you know that?” Semi said. Though it was posed as a question, Tendo knew perfectly well that Semi was telling him what he already knew. As soon as Tendo had shown up in front of him, Semi had snapped that and he could only nod in agreement. “I always knew you’d do this. _____ was perfect for you but you--”

“I know, alright,” Tendou snapped, curling his fists into hands. It was almost impossible for him to hold back the tears that had been threatening to fall since he’d first gotten your text an hour and a half ago. Like the coward he was, he had ignored it and met you outside your class instead, a part of him hoping it would just go away if you saw him. But the hopelessness in your eyes when you had looked at him told him he wouldn’t get his wish this time. “I know I’m a fucking idiot, and _____ was always too good for me.”

A flash of your face and the echo of your words replayed in his addled brain.

“I don’t know what I’ve done this time.”

You hadn’t done anything. You had never done anything. He was a coward when it came to arguments but when he was ignoring you it wasn’t because of you.

It was him, all his fears bubbling to the surface and an attempt to push you away, to make you realize you were worth more than whatever he had to offer.

“Whatever we have is unhealthy.”

“It isn’t even a relationship.”

He was unhealthy, he knew he was, and it had driven you away from him. He only had himself to blame.

Semi huffed, watching Tendo closely. He was doing that blank thing he did to mask his feelings when he couldn’t handle them, turning into himself instead of applying the burden to someone else. He was sure he was doing it to you in your relationship too, and you probably didn’t understand because Tendo wasn’t being open. It was a vicious cycle, one Semi had seen too often. “I’m glad you realize, you idiot.” Then, more softly, he said, “I’m sorry, for what it’s worth. I know you love her.”

Tendo flinched, his eyes closing.

*“I love you, you know that?”*

He would have said them back in a heartbeat, given the opportunity. He wanted so desperately to say them but the words had stuck in his throat, and the less selfish part of him knew it was for the best. The situation was already fucked up enough without him stirring it up more. Saying those words back would have hurt more than helped, especially because, deep down, he knew he wouldn’t change.

At least he could say he had done something right, in letting you go. 

You would flourish without him holding you back and weighing you down with all his problems and baggage.

“I know what you’re thinking.”

Semi’s voice cut through Tendo’s derogatory thoughts, and he flinched again. He hated that smug, all knowing tone even though he was usually spot on.

“Alright then, oh great oracle. What am I thinking?” he asked, shuffling along down the sidewalk towards their apartment. Trying to think of anything besides you, he tried to remember what was in their fridge to eat. Old pizza is all he could think of, from when you had come over and--

Nope.

Semi snorted at Tendo’s sad attempt at humor. Not that all of his attempts weren’t sad but his heart really wasn’t in it this time. “You’re telling yourself it was for the best and how you aren’t good enough and blah blah blah. You’re still an idiot.”

“Would you stop saying that?” Tendo asked, looking up to the sky. It was still early afternoon, the sky cloudless, the air pleasantly warm. If circumstances were different he would be spending it with you by his side-- then again, probably not. He hadn’t properly spoken to you or seen you in a few days and it wasn’t going to change today either. “My ears hurt.”

And his heart. He could feel a slow throbbing building up between his ears. A migraine was the final nail he deserved in his coffin and the sadistic part of him wanted to exacerbate it as much as he could. Just to give himself something else to focus on.

“Fine, fine. Just one more time. You’re a goddamn idiot,” Semi said, glaring at him. He knew he should feel worse for his friend than he was, but he also deserved it. There was only so much sympathy he could give when Tendo refused to help himself. He had never been happier than when he started dating you and Semi couldn’t go ten minutes without hearing your name. Now Tendo was slumped over as they walked, feet shuffling against the sidewalk as he stared blankly ahead, and Semi sighed. “Can I give you some advice? You know, friend to idiot?”

Tendo groaned, rolling his eyes, but nodded nonetheless. Semi meant well-- mostly-- and usually gave good advice. Now, if only he would stop trying to make Tendo feel worse. “Sure, I guess. We both know I won’t listen though.”

Semi nodded, snickering behind his hand. The signal for the crosswalk changed, throngs of people instantly flooding the street. They flowed through and around each other, becoming separated for a few moments, until they met on the sidewalk on the other side.

“When you two are together, were together, I’ve never seen you happier. And Akaashi says that _____ is-- was-- too. Do you not trust her?” Semi asked, and watched the way Tendo froze up and paled, inhaling sharply. But he didn’t immediately say no, and that was telling. “If you don’t trust her, you’ll never maintain a relationship, with her or anyone else. Do you really want that, ‘Tori?”

He hadn’t considered that. Not trusting you wasn’t the exact issue. He felt he could tell you anything-- so long as anything didn’t entail things that might annoy you or make him a burden on you. His biggest fear was putting too much of himself into you only to overwhelm you, driving you away. That had backfired pretty spectacularly though, if he had to say so, and now he was left to wonder what would have happened if he had gone that route.

“No, I guess not,” he answered. To anyone else it would have sounded callous and uncaring, but Semi had known him a lot longer and recognized the sound of a Tendo who was in serious thought.

“Then you need to change. I get that you’re afraid, but those bullies from elementary and highschool shouldn’t keep holding you back. And who knows, maybe it isn’t too late with _____,” Semi said with a shrug, and smirked at the way Tendo perked up at that. He deflated just as rapidly a split second later, but it was to be expected. 

The smirk fell as Semi considered. The way things stood, you were better off because Tendo was unhealthy, and probably not in a good place to be in a relationship. He didn’t fault you for breaking it off-- not when he would have done the same. Still, he’d like to see him happy again, especially with you. But he couldn’t guess if Tendo would take it to heart and try, or whether or not you would wait around for him to decide and figure himself out.

Shrugging, he glanced at the barbecue place they were passing by and reached out, tugging Tendo to a stop. When he nodded towards it, Tendou sighed.

“Sure, I’m down. Shouldn’t be sad on an empty stomach.”

Semi groaned. “You are such an idiot.”

i’m a liar i’m a cynic i’m a sinner, i’m a saint i’m a loser i’m a critic i’m the ghost of my mistakes and it’s all my fault that i’m still the one you want what are you after, some kind of disaster

⇥ masterlist 

⇥ taglist: @sluttony​, @visaintes​, @yunhosblackgf​, @super-noya​, @byebyes-world​, @newfriendjen​, @atsunakaashi​

[dameronology]

a good jedi {obi-wan x reader}

summary: obi-wan kenobi always knows what to say, and he's always right - most the time, it's pretty annoying, but when you need advice? you're in luck. (this is platonic obi-wan x padawan! reader btw! for @raeshin -- i hope you enjoy!)

warnings: it probably has language in it somewhere? at this point i don't even know when i do and don't swear.

enjoy!! if you'd like to read more about commissioning a fic, the faqs are here :)

- jazz xx

The Jedi Temple had been scary at first.

With it's high walls and long, tangled history, you felt the pressure of being a warrior weigh on your shoulders almost the minute you set foot in the grand corridors. You'd been just a kid at the time - wide eyed and filled with some kind of weird, naive hope - but in your few, short years in the galaxy, you had heard more than enough about the Jedi. Who they were, and what they stood for; the adventures they went on and the way they brought balance to the Galaxy. The connection you felt to them had never seemed to be anything more than a youthful obsession with a world you wanted to be a part of.

Then, not long after your sixth birthday, things began to make sense. A mysterious man in a cloak paid your home planet a visit -- for you. Your interest in the Jedi hadn't been coincidental. Not in the slightest. Your connection to the Force was almost overwhelming, and it was something that Obi-Wan Kenobi could sense the minute he met you for the first time. For a young kid who had been torn away from their family and had the trajectory of their life changed entirely, your upbeat approach to the change of circumstance was pleasantly...surprising. It was clear from the get-go that you had a thirst for adventure, and a strong sense to do the right thing. Two things that, arguably, would have made you the perfect Jedi.

Obi-Wan was a good example of one; he was calm under pressure, patient as a mentor and things were never boring. It didn't take long for him to become like an older brother to you, and for that, you were grateful. There were other Padawans who hadn't been as lucky -- their mentors were either obsessed with the rules, or they were more preoccupied by their outstanding missions and meetings with the Council. Obi-Wan had always made you his main priority, focusing on your training and making sure that you didn't make the same mistakes as him (but let's face it -- were there many?).

Perhaps, it was that idolisation that had lead you to become scared of opening up to him about your own fears. Of course, he would never judge you, but the irrational, anxiety-induced voice in your head didn't know any better. You were terrified of letting him down, and even more fearful that he might lose faith in you for having doubts. Doubts in yourself, doubts in the Jedi, doubts in everything they stood for. What kind of warrior questioned their dedication and the morals of the order to which they were seemingly destined to be a part of? A bad one - or so you told yourself.

It had been easy to push them down at first; to brush aside your worries and tell yourself you were being silly. But, what had started as a little voice in the back of your head soon became a loud, all-consuming bellow. It was hard to ignore, especially now that Obi-Wan had thrown around the idea of beginning practice for your trials. You were no longer a child anymore, but a young adult. It was time for you to start moving up in the world, and in the Jedi Order, and that would mean reaffirming your commitment to them. You'd near enough dedicated two decades of your life to the cause, but it was only now that the doubt was truly starting to plague you.

It was becoming harder to hide it from Obi-Wan. Not only was he extremely intuitive and pragmatic in himself, but the Force connection that your Jedi-mentor relationship had provided you with made it even harder to kick your emotions under the fridge like ice and pretend they weren't there. Even when you gave him your best fake smile and promised you were excited for what was to come, he saw right through it. Your thinly-veiled emotions were no match for a man who could read you like a book.

"We have to report the council." Obi-Wan said. He stepped aside, allowing you to exit the ship with him in tow. "It might be useful for you to deliver the mission report. Good practice for when you're out there on your own-"

"- master, we haven't even got a date for when I'll be doing the trials." You cut him off. The Temple wasn't too far of a walk, but it took you through the gardens. "I'd rather not get ahead of myself."

"It's always better to be a few steps ahead then a few steps behind." He shot back.

"Yeah, I suppose." You muttered. "I think I'm where I need to be right now. Not ahead, nor behind."

He thinned his eyes at you. "If you're sure."

"Very." You forced a smile. "Besides, I'm tired out. It's been a long few days."

"I find myself doubting the sincerity of your statement given that you threatened Anakin over a game of holochess just mere seconds ago-"

"- he was cheating!" You exclaimed. "But really, master, I am shattered. I'd be grateful if you'd let me retire for the night, unless you're really that desperate for my presence in front of the council."

"Very well." Obi-Wan nodded. "Get some rest. I'll see you in the morning for training?"

You stopped in your tracks, just in front of the corridor that lead to your chambers. Normally, you were pretty good at coming up with excuses - now, your ability had failed you entirely. It wasn't that you didn't want to wake up early and train, but rather that you were so caught up in your own concerns and doubts that it would affect your ability to fight at all. And, with all due respect to Obi-Wan, the last thing you needed was to be thrown half-way across the room at 5AM on a Saturday morning during combat training.

"I'm not sure," you nervously shuffled from one foot to another. "I might skip training tomorrow and focus on my readings."

Obi-Wan folded his arms across his chest. "Something is going on with you."

"There isn't." You tried to sound confident in your words. "I'm just-"

"- tired?" He raised an eyebrow. "Have you been getting enough sleep lately?"

"Of course." You replied quickly- perhaps a bit too quickly.

"Hmm." Obi-Wan clearly wasn't taking your bullshit. "You know that you've been my Padawan for the better part of twenty years, don't you?"

"Right."

"I can tell when you're lying." He continued. "We'll finish it here tonight but I'm not done with this conversation."

"There's nothing to talk about." You coldly said. "Good night, Master."

Obi-Wan sighed, blue eyes flittering to the floor. "Good night."

--

True to your word, you slept through training the next day. You didn't even bother setting an alarm, instead choosing to snooze right through til late morning. It was a much-needed lie in -- between your missions, your late-night stressing sessions and constantly running away from the subject of your trials, you were shattered. The sleep had been good, but it didn't much when it was your soul that was tired.

You found yourself in the Temple gardens not long after you woke up. They were the most peaceful place in the entire building -- fields of fresh, green grass, and tangles of unkempt plants that stretched out as far as you could see. The late-morning sun was hanging high in the sky, casting a golden glow on your skin as you slowly wandered down the path. There were a few other people sat on the lawns, either meditating or reading a book. Instead of doing either, you simply meandered. It was hard to remember the last time you weren't doing something...Jedi-ish.

"That isn't reading."

You froze at the sound of your Master's voice -- he was sat on one of the benches, lunch laid out beside him. Knowing Obi-Wan, he'd probably risen at 4AM and done ten times as much in his waking hours than everyone else in the Temple had done in a week. He was always on the go, always dedicating himself to something. Sometimes, he took you along for the ride.

"I was taking a walk." You shot back.

"I can see that." Obi-Wan said. He tossed his sandwich into the bin and stood up, dusting off his trousers. "Let's walk and talk."

"Master, I'm going to be honest with you, I really wanted this time for myself." You explained. "And with all due respect, most of the Padawans out here are alone, and not with their masters-"

"- so you're too cool to be seen in public with me now?" He raised an eyebrow. "I can sense your anxiety and I think it would be good for us to get to the bottom of it."

You sighed to yourself -- the gig was up. But, to give credit where credit was due, you had been able to hide your woes from him for the better part of six months. You could feel your heart-rate picking up in your chest at the thought of coming clean. What if he was disappointed in you? Or worst, insulted that you were worrying about the Order he had sworn his life to?

Obi-Wan placed his hand on the small of your back, forcing you to start walking beside him, through the gardens and towards the temple. So much for a peaceful morning.

"Talk to me." He said. "What's troubling you?"

"I..." you let your eyes fall to the floor. "Look, if I tell you, can you promise me one thing?"

"Of course."

"That you won't be disappointed in me?"

"I could never be disappointed in you." Obi-Wan replied. "If you've made a mistake, it's fine. How else are we supposed to learn?"

"It's not so much a mistake, so much it is a feeling." You began. "I've dedicated most of my life to this Order, and the things it stands for, and by the looks of it, the rest of my life will be too. That was amazing when I was a kid, and not entirely capable of thinking for myself. Now I can, and I find myself full of...doubt."

"Right," He pondered on your words for a moment. "Doubt about what, exactly?"

"The Order." You replied. "There are so many rules to follow, and so many codes. It's been okay up until now but what if one day, I find myself wanting to make a decision that goes against it? Or making a choice that I think to be correct, but the Council see as wrong?"

Obi-Wan was quiet for a moment. He felt your words in his core -- he'd had his moments like that too. Many, many moments of doubt, sprinkled throughout the last three decades. But, just a few was plenty enough for him to remember - the hesitation, the worry, the endless thoughts of leaving and breaking free plaguing in his mind. There had been so much loss; so much grief and hurt that had pushed him to the edge. Qui-Gonn, Satine, members of the 501st who had fallen victim to the ongoing Clone Wars. There were days where he came closer and closer to his breaking point - in the same way there were days that it felt like it was inching further away. Like the day that the two of you went to Corellia, and he saw you hold your own in battle for the first time, or the day that he managed to get himself kidnapped, and you and Anakin came to rescue him and make a joke out of it. It was the days like that which he'd clung onto so tightly.

You never would have known, not from his outward appearance. From where you were standing, Obi-Wan Kenobi was calm and collected. He always stood his ground and did the right thing, and aside from a few grey hairs that had cropped up in his otherwise-strawberry-blonde hair, you never would have known the losses he had faced. The sacrifices he had made.

And it broke his heart that you feeling that same misgivings and apprehensions that he had.

"Master, you've been quiet for a really long time." You murmured. "Maybe I should just forget it, pretend I didn't say anything-"

"- Not every decision that I've made has been in line with what a good Jedi is." Obi-Wan cut you off. "But you don't need to worry, I can assure you of that much."

You peered up at him. "What do you mean?"

"You might not always be a good Jedi, but you'll always do the right thing." He explained.

"You think so?"

"I know so." He replied. "I see it in you. Whatever way you interpret the Jedi Code, you needn't worry, because you can't be a good Jedi until when, stripped back to the very core of your humanity, you're a good person. And you are, undoubtedly so."

You smiled. "Thank you."

"There are going to be times when you doubt everything you stand for, and everything you dedicate your life to." Obi-Wan continued. "And when I find myself doing that, I look at it from a different angle. The be-all-and-end-all of what we do is to help and protect others, whether that's under the guise of the Jedi, or as a civilian. That's what matters."

"That makes sense." You nodded. "Thank you for listening. I was worried you were going to be disappointed in me."

"I've been disappointed with the Jedi Order itself hundreds of more times than I've been disappointed with you." He said. "Your ability to question authority when necessary is going to get you far. It's better to be overly cautious than overly naive."

"Does that apply to your authority too?" You grinned.

"If need be - but I like to think I'm a pretty relaxed master." Obi-Wan replied. "I could be a lot harder on you. Especially on mornings when you lie to me and sleep in."

You groaned. "It won't happen again. I can assure you that your current methods of teaching are more than sufficient."

"Sufficient enough that you're ready for the trials?"

"Maybe." You cautiously said. "I suppose we could at least talk to the council about it."

"Thank you." Obi-Wan grinned. "Then you can finally get rid of me."

"I could never." You shot back.

[ask-odyssiaoctavius]

Dr. Odyssia,

I Have Come To Inquire For Advice On The Topic Of Easing My Close Companion, Assistant H. Osborn, Through The Process Of Grieving His Father. If You Do Not Have Any Insight, That Is Acceptable. However, Your Perspective As A Human Being That May Or May Not Have Experienced Similar Losses Is Quite Valuable To Me.

That Is All.

Sincerely,

DR. OCTAVIUS

I see.. Of course, I can help with that, Doc.

Now, I’m not a therapist by any means but, I can at least give you some things to remember when trying comfort someone when someone dies. This gets long so I’m putting a readmore:

First big thing to know: there’s no set way to grieve. People tend to grieve differently and not everyone experiences the five stages of grief, nor do they grieve in a orderly, straightforward manner, y’know? Avoid telling him what he “should” be feeling or doing.

Grief doesn’t always include just sadness. There can be mixtures of many different emotions like anger, guilt, and/or fear. Try to not judge him or take his grief reactions personally.

There’s no set timetable for grief. Sometimes the grieving process takes longer than you’d might expect. Other times, emotions can “flare up” at times. Don’t pressure him to move on or make him feel like he’s been grieving too long.

While you shouldn’t try to force him to open up, it’s important to let your assistant know that you’re there to listen to him if he wants to talk. You can say something along the lines of “Do you feel like talking?” so you can let him know that you’re available to listen.

Express your concern for him and acknowledge the situation. Check up on him every so often and ask him how he is feeling. Like I said before, don’t try to reason with him over how he should or shouldn’t feel. Grief is a highly emotional experience, so he needs to feel free to express his feelings—no matter how “irrational”—without fear of judgment, argument, or criticism.

Be willing to sit in silence sometimes. Sometimes, being in his company is enough comfort if he isn’t willing to talk. If you can’t think of something to say, offering a comforting gesture can help.

On that note: don’t try to minimize the loss, provide simplistic solutions, or offer unsolicited advice. It’ll make him feel like you don’t realize the gravity of the situation and the impact on him. It’s far better to just listen or admit something along the lines of: “I’m not sure what to say, but I want you to know I care.”

Be willing to offer support whenever possible. It’s not easy for grieving people to ask for help for many reasons. A grieving person may not have the energy or motivation to call you when they need something, so instead of saying, “Let me know if there’s anything I can do,” make it easier for them by making specific suggestions. Try to be consistent in your offers of assistance.

Similarly, be ready to provide ongoing support. Periodically check on him. Don’t assume that just because he might look “fine” on the outside that he is fine on the inside. Be sensitive to the fact that life may never feel the same to him. Offer extra support on important days like holidays or birthdays.

Keep an eye out for any warning signs of depression after around two months after the death. It can be tricky to bring up these concerns as you don’t want to be perceived as invasive. Instead of telling the him what to do, try stating your own concern for his wellbeing.

Don’t say something like “This is behind you now; it’s time to get on with your life.”, it makes you sound like you’re rushing him to feel better when moving on is much easier said than done. Grief has a mind of its own and works at its own pace. Be patient and gentle with him.

Don’t say things that start with “You should” or “You will.” That sounds too harsh and directive to be comforting. Instead you could begin your comments with: “Have you thought about…” or “You might try…”. Don’t make it seem like you’re forcing him to do something.

… I’m not sure if you’re religious at all but if you happen to be religious: don’t give religious platitudes like “It’s part of God’s plan,” or “He’s in a better place now,”. It comes off as thoughtless and preachy at best, so keep any potential religious beliefs to yourself unless asked.

I hope this helps you, Dr. Octavius.

[reinerispretty]

rotations. (zuko x f!reader) pt6

hello!! i wanted to say thank you so much for all of your wonderful likes, comments, reblogs, asks, and everything in between!! it really means a ton to me knowing that you guys actually like this story and my writing :) remember that if you have any suggestions don’t hesitate to send me an ask or a message, and pls share if you can!! much love to you all

pt 1

pt 5

pt 7

“Perfect,” he breathed out as his eyes saw the boat. “You hop down first.”

“What? No way! I’m the one that can actually firebend here. You go first so you don’t get hurt.”

“Do you always have to argue with me?”

“Only when your plans are stupid!”

A whisper came through the cell bars. She blinked her eyes open and sat up quickly. “Here to tell me I’m a traitor again?” She called out into the dark. 

“I’m actually here to rescue you but I can call you a traitor if you want.” 

(Y/N) never thought she’d be so happy to hear that voice. “Sokka!” She exclaimed. “What are you doing here? Where are Aang and Katara?” 

“It was too dangerous for either of them to come. I snuck on the ship to come break you out.” He jingled a set of keys in his hand. “Got these from the guard I managed to knock out. Impressive, huh?” 

“Yeah, yeah, my hero. Now open the door!” Sokka unlocked her cell. She turned around and he quickly made work of her ties. Once she was free, she stretched her hands and fingers, happy to feel the warm sensation of fire underneath her fingertips. “How’d you get onto the boat?” 

“I took a small rowboat and tied it to the mast. If the waves stay calm, it should still be there.” 

“And if they don’t?” 

“I guess we’re in for a swim,” Sokka shrugged. She smiled at him nervously before grabbing his hand and making a run for it. She wasn’t quite sure where she was going, but she let her feet lead her anyway. Her goal was to get to the top deck without running into any Fire Nation soldiers. Of course, luck wasn’t always on her side. 

They encountered soldiers at nearly every corner they turned. Luckily, they were so shocked to see the prisoner out of her cell and a Water Tribe boy that they had very little time to react before she and Sokka were knocking them out. 

The pair reached the top deck and doubled over on their knees, breathing heavily. Sokka helped her to her feet and led her to the side of the ship where his boat was. They looked down to make sure it was still there. 

“Perfect,” he breathed out as his eyes saw the boat. “You hop down first.” 

“What? No way! I’m the one that can actually firebend here. You go first so you don’t get hurt.” 

“Do you always have to argue with me?” 

“Only when your plans are stupid!” 

A column of flame shot past the two of them, missing their bodies by only inches. They looked at each other in surprise before (Y/N) quickly hid Sokka behind her own body. She shot fire balls from her hands back at the attacker. The smoke from their attacks dissipated quickly, revealing Zuko. He launched himself in the air, kicking flames at her face. She sent fire wheel after fire wheel at him until he was completely surrounded. She turned to Sokka. 

“You have to go.” 

“No, I’m not leaving you again.” As her back was turned, Zuko rushed towards her. Sokka reacted quicker than she could and used the force of his body to knock Zuko to the ground. She flinched as she heard the breath get knocked out of Zuko’s body. 

Before she could turn back to look at him, Sokka was grabbing her hand and pulling her over the edge of the ship. She yelled as they fell, but Sokka pulled her body into his to shield her from the impact of the water. 

She emerged from the dark waters with a gasp of air and scramble around frantically to find her friend. “I’m right here,” he said. He led her to the boat and lifted her up inside it. She collapsed on the floor of the boat, coughing water out of her lungs. Sokka climbed in after her and immediately began rowing them back to shore, where Katara and Aang were waiting. 

She breathed heavily as Sokka rowed before slowly sitting up. “Thank you,” she said. “I don’t like the idea of anyone rescuing me but...I’m glad it was you.” She coughed again and rubbed her neck, her face becoming hot. “I mean, I’m glad you did it.” 

“Even if you do annoy me, you’re still part of our family now. Plus, it’s kinda cool to actually see you use your firebending.” She smiled. “Especially against Zuko, man, it really seemed like he had something personal against you.” 

She laughed bitterly. “I guess you could say that.” It hurt, knowing that Zuko viewed her as a traitor, but it hurt worse knowing what the Fire Nation had turned him into. He was irrational and angry and almost nothing like the Zuko she used to know. 

(Y/N) hated crying, but ever since she had left the Fire Nation, she had been doing a lot of it. She didn’t even realize she was crying until she noticed Sokka looking at her. He stopped rowing to scoot closer to her. “Are you okay?” She wiped furiously at her eyes and cheeks before shaking her head. 

“Zuko and I used to be best friends.” Sokka inhaled a sharp breath. “And we kinda, sorta, were almost engaged.” This time, Sokka let out a whole gasp. “He didn’t always used to be like this, I promise! He was nice and we used to do everything together. I hadn’t seen him in over two years and then when we finally saw each other again...” She gestured loosely around them. “It hurts a lot, barely recognizing someone you cared about so much.” 

Sokka remained silent for a few moments as he stared at her. Then, taking her hand in his own, he tilted her head up to look at him. “I know how much it hurts, losing someone you love. But it gets better. I promise.” 

She smiled sadly. “Thank you, Sokka.” She pulled away from his touch but touched her own face where his hand once was. It felt tingly. 

“Besides,” Sokka said as he started rowing again. “You’re way too awesome to date someone with a horrible ponytail.” 

(Y/N) couldn’t contain her laughter.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The adventures (Y/N) shared with her friends happened at almost every turn. They narrowly evaded escape from Admiral Zhao, had visited the Northern Air Temple and flown on gliders for the first time, and had travelled to the Northern Water Tribe so that Katara and Aang could master waterbending. Their trip to the north had resulted in disastrous circumstances. Once again, (Y/N) had to fight against not only her nation, but one of her old friends. It saddened her deeply to fight against people she had once loved, even if she knew she was doing it for the right reasons. 

The battle in the North had strengthened the group’s friendship exponentially. No longer did (Y/N) feel like she was an outsider, or that she needed to tread carefully in what she said to her friends. She was able to laugh around the campfire with them and also make them laugh, like the time she had told them she had accidentally caught Zuko’s pants on fire when they were children. She felt comfortable and, most importantly, she felt safe. 

She developed a different kind of relationship with each member of their small family. Aang, although older than her but somehow younger at the same time, had become averse to firebending ever since he had accidentally burned Katara. He made (Y/N) promise not to try to teach him and resolved that he would take down the Fire Lord without firebending. She knew it was impossible, but he seemed so upset about it that she agreed. Instead, they spent their time together exchanging history. Aang told her what it was like growing up one hundred years ago, and (Y/N) filled him in on everything he had missed since then. Even the small stuff, like the invention of bubblebaths. 

Katara had more than warmed up to her since (Y/N) first joined their group. (Y/N) had really tried to make an effort with Katara, since some part of her felt responsible for her mother’s death. They cooked together, did the laundry together, and even walked into town together when the boys weren’t paying attention. They eventually became so comfortable around each other that she had poured out her life’s story to Katara on one rainy afternoon. After she was done talking, she realized that when speaking with Katara, she didn’t fear disappointment or apathy. Instead, her Water Tribe friend provided her with the best advice she could give, and a hug warmer than any she’d had in the Fire Nation. 

It was Sokka and (Y/N)’s relationship that took the most drastic turn. After their experience in the Northern Water Tribe and his loss of Yue, Sokka quit his small digs at her. He knew that she understood what it was like, to lose someone that you loved. Their time together was no longer filled with snide comments about the other’s upbringing; instead, Sokka had been teaching her how to fight! She knew some martial arts, since it was the basis of firebending, but she had never fought with a weapon before. On relaxed days, they trained together. She taught him hand-to-hand combat and he taught her how to fight with a sword. 

“You’re a fast learner,” Sokka said after one of their lessons. They sat together at the edge of the lake they had camped beside. He used a stick and a piece of string with a hook on the end to create a make-shift fishing pole. 

She smiled at the compliment. “Wish I could say the same about you.” He shoved her and she laughed. “You’re not too bad yourself. You know I can’t give you a regular compliment. It’d go to that big head of yours.” Despite himself, Sokka let out a smile. 

“You’re so mean to me,” he said. “Are you this mean to all of your friends?” 

“Only to the ones I especially like.” She thought back to her time in the Fire Nation. She could do that now, without getting very sad about it. “Back home, I always had to watch what I said. I was around the royal family a lot, so it was rare when I could really say what was on my mind.” She turned to Sokka, squinting her eyes from the sun. “Teasing is just the way I show that I care. I don’t mean to be well, mean.” 

“I don’t really think you’re mean.” 

“Good,” she grinned, tucking her legs into herself. “Because you haven’t seen nothin’ yet.” 

“Have you guys caught anything yet?” Katara called out. “I’m starving!” 

She stood quickly, shot her flames at the water, and took the fish that floated to the top in her hands. “Coming!” She shouted before running back toward camp. Sokka gathered his things to run after her. 

“You let me fish for an hour when you could do that this whole time?” 

---

i know what this chapter looks like. and yes. but all in due time. 

Tag List!

@mdgrdians , @soft4kei , @bubblebars , @pleasantfankingdom , @vintageroses1014516 , @celamoon , @fangirlanotherjust , @gliderbudgie , @haylaansmi , @jada-cleo , @boxofteenageideas , @disgruntled-gay , @lie-ana , @jasmine-the-amazing , @svsoftie , @buckysfeet , @anime-simp , @imcravingyou , @rosetheshapeshifter , @alrightberries , @izzieserra , @hstott , @random-stupid-stuffs , @jackbamexpress , @jainaixo , @thefoxskinwalker

[reds-burrow]

How can a very burned badger unburn? What if one doesn't even believe that's possible? Being unburned sounds like a dangerous and silly state to be in.

From your last sentence, I'm going to assume you're talking about a Badger primary, not a secondary, and that you're talking specifically about people-oriented Badgers, not tradition-oriented Badgers. I'm also guessing that you're talking about yourself, and that you burned because you think caring for all people is simply impossible and irrational.

And I get it. I understand exactly what you mean by "dangerous and silly" because I've nearly burned myself. The pandemic hurt me in a way I didn't anticipate. I would watch the news and be in tears. Everyone was suffering, and I felt powerless to help anyone. It took sending in this ask (back in my lurker days) and a lot of subsequent self-reflection before I realized I was no longer empathizing, but sympathizing. (To be perfectly clear here, I'm using the Merriam-Webster dictionary's definition of the two.) It's a common struggle for Badger primaries, walking the line between the two, and the quarantine had sent me spinning off course. I usually save my sympathy for my friends and loved ones, but suddenly not seeing them caused me to start sympathizing with random people on the news, the people with the most heart-wrenching stories. Once I realized what I was doing, my course correction was clear: stop watching the news, reach out to my friends more, and forgive myself for my limitations.

Now, I have no clue if any of my story resonates with you or not. But my point is this: Badgers are rooted in empathy, not sympathy. You don't need to try fitting everyone into your heart to be a healthy Badger primary. You don't have to bleed for everyone you meet. Being a healthy Badger doesn't have to be as dangerous or silly as you're thinking. It's not about sharing in everyone's pain; it's about seeing them as human and recognizing that gives them worth.

But maybe sympathy wasn't your struggle. Maybe what made you burn was not being able to help everyone you think you should. If that's the case, I ask that you turn your Badger instincts on yourself. You're human too, aren't you? That means you have limits, and that's okay. You forgive others for being only human, right? You deserve no different. Get rid of the notion that you could've done better. You did your best. And before you object to that, get rid of the idea that our best is a constant. Some days your best means you can do a lot, some days your best means you have nothing to give. That's okay. You have wisdom you lacked yesterday, but maybe you don't have the same energy you did then. That's okay. You did the best you were capable of in that moment.

The only thing that can keep us from our best, the only way you truly lose at this thing called life, is to stop moving forward. There is no going back in time; there is only getting stuck. Fear and guilt are common prisons of the past, and if you've fallen into one of them, well, that's about as human as you can get. Blame evolution. Back in the day, bad experiences meant life-or-death experiences, so our brains evolved to latch onto these memories in an attempt to keep us from repeating our mistakes. Unfortunately, that means it can be incredibly easy to fixate on the past and assume that the future will be just as disastrous. That means missing out on all the potential for change and good in the future. Fear and guilt are insidious. Even if you push it from your mind, they can grow until they consume you, driving your choices, deciding your life for you. That is what it is to be burned, and that will always be more dangerous than the alternative.

So, what can you do about it? I've given a few ways to re-frame your thinking, but I realize it's easy for me to write about how great being healthy is while it may feel like an elusive, impossible state of being to you. Know that you've already taken the first step by asking someone about it. Keep talking to people you trust. There is some really good advice scattered around the SHC community. If you think you're up for it, I recommend joining the SHC discord. It's full of incredibly supportive people, and if you don't feel ready to put yourself out there, you can just listen in on their conversations and see you're not alone in this struggle. You don't even need to search out other Burnt Badgers specifically either. It doesn't matter your sorting or whether it's your primary or your secondary, unburning is a process of learning to trust in yourself again. That may sound odd to Burnt Loyalist primaries if they've begun to think of other people as the problem, and yes, a majority of burnings are first triggered by other people. But unburning is all about you and learning to trust your instincts, your capability, your judgement, your decisions, yourself.

I'm not about to sit here and pretend I have the answers to such a personal process, but I'll give you two pieces of advice. First, set boundaries in your relationships. Right now, fear, guilt, or both are setting your boundaries for you. If you're not sure where to begin, I suggest self-reflection with the goal of determining your limits. Try keeping a journal or sitting with your thoughts, even for only a few minutes a day and ask yourself how much (time, physical effort, emotional energy, etc.) you are willing to give to others? How much, in reality, are you able to give? A Badger primary needs to know the difference and, ideally, how to balance the two. Once you have an idea of your limits, set your boundaries, and keep them. These can be emotional boundaries, like limiting your sympathy for a smaller group, or they can be boundaries on how much help you give to others, like setting a limit on how much time or money you'll give someone. The goal here is to learn to say no without guilt. You can readjust your boundaries as your situation changes, but what is important right now is that you feel safe in your relationships. You deserve that safety as much as anyone else, and setting boundaries is the best way to ensure that.

My second piece of advice: forgive yourself when you don't stick to those boundaries. Even though I didn't fully burn, I still find myself stumbling on the emotional boundaries I've set up for myself. I know in my head that it's a matter of trusting in my judgement, but reality isn't so simple. This is a long and arduous process, so when you mess up, do your best to not dwell. Treat yourself like a friend, and try to forgive. Keep moving forward. You've got this!

[onestowatch]

Elliot Lee Charts the Rise and Fall of the ‘Queen of Nothing’ [Q&A]

Elliot Lee is a mesmerizing talent who is effortlessly melding a ripping rock sound with animated pop sensibilities. Her new EP Queen of Nothing is a dark and daring five-track collection that explodes with colorful, quirky arrangements and bold, intense vocals. The release narrates the ups and downs of life in power and the materialistic tendencies birthed from wealth and status. Each track slays with a confident queen-like energy without ever sacrificing its vulnerable messages of loneliness and misjudgment.

Within the elevated EP, she cleverly showcases her many musical styles. From fierce lyrical flows to stunning emotive pop vocals, Lee demonstrates she is a true musical mastermind. Through her unique musicality and aesthetic, she has captured the attention of a devoted fanbase known as “the bubblegum army.” Lee’s offerings create a space of open expression where you can listen and feel less alone. 

Ones to Watch had the chance to talk with the Lee about the inspiration for her new concept EP, feelings of loneliness, and more.

Queen of Nothing beautifully illustrates the rise and fall of a queendom through the perspective of a harsh ruler. Can you explain this concept further?

Whenever I do interviews, and in many other aspects of my career, I always get the question “What’s next?” or “Where do you see yourself in the future?.” My mind is an unkind place, and it rarely lets me envision a future in which I’m at peace with where I am. I want to say that I see myself happy with a flourishing career because there are times when I can imagine that, but I also don’t like hiding my darker thoughts in spaces where my Bubblegum Soldiers can see what I’m saying. In reality, I have a fear that the darkness will take over one day, and I will make bad choices that lead me to losing everything. So I decided to give an honest answer to this question through the story of the Queen of Nothing.

The title track “Queen of Nothing” references the famous piano piece “Heart and Soul.”  What inspired you to use this popular song as the base for your track?

When I was young, my grandmother was a lot like a second mom to me. She taught me how to play piano; we would sit on her old piano bench together and play songs together for hours. One of the first ones she ever taught me was “Heart and Soul.” She would play the low part, and I would play the high part. When I decided to write this song for other kids like me, I wanted to include a part of myself in it, kind of like a drop of blood on a covenant. So I infused it with this familiar melody that helped me feel safe and grounded my whole life, and in doing so maybe I can turn it into something safe and grounding for my Bubblegum Soldiers too.

“Pink (Freak)” is an intense, hard-hitting offering that narrates not fitting into the boxes we are placed in. In what ways have others misjudged you?

People are often confused by the fact that I actually like to spend most of my time alone at home doing things like studying, drawing, or producing songs. I have a very hard time socializing, and I struggle with my social battery getting drained very easily. I think I tend to give off this bubbly energy that makes it seem like I love to be around people and am good at it, but in reality I feel lost when it comes to things like small talk and hanging out with other people. I really feel like an alien trying their best to seem human, and maybe I’ve gotten good enough at it to fool people.

“Rubies” also details the idea of being an outcast and boldly fuses rock and electronic sounds. How was the track crafted lyrically and sonically?

When I wrote “Rubies,” I watched some cool trailers for movies like Blade Runner to try to sync the energy of the song up to the general flow of an action movie trailer. I wanted it to sonically have a beginning, a climax, and a cathartic end, but at the same time I wanted the lyrics to feel like they were going in a circle without ever reaching a conclusion. In some ways, I wanted it to mirror the feeling of someone walking through a post-apocalyptic world and maniacally hoarding remnants of the world before. It would be ridiculous to hoard rubies in a failed society with no economy and no one to even show the rubies off to, but that irrational need to collect useless things in an attempt to fill the void is exactly what “Rubies” is about.

It is tough to feel like an outsider. What advice would you give to someone who is struggling to fit in?

Even if you don’t fit in with the people around you, there are people out there you can feel at home with. I never fit in until I found my Bubblegum Soldiers, but now I know that I was never truly alone in the world. I want you to know that you aren’t alone either. You can sit with us at the La La Land Lunch Table.

What is next for Elliot Lee?

I want to see my Bubblegum Soldiers in person as soon as possible!! I have so much I want to say to them. So I’m hoping to be able to tour once it’s safe and reasonable to do so.

Who are your Ones to Watch?

My Ones to Watch are Bibi, WHOKILLEDXIX, and GIRLI.

[arse-crack-thistle]

physical touch

rwrb and the five love languages | part three

in which a young ellen and oscar make a life-altering decision

The sun boils Ellen Claremont and Oscar Diaz as they stand outside Marlene’s Diner. Even in December, the Texas heat shows no mercy. The parking lot is full of cars for the lunch rush, and as much as her manager hates it, Ellen had to take her fifteen now. Oscar is on his way home.

Seems like yesterday he and a bunch of his white-collared buddies popped into Marlene’s and sat down at a table in Ellen’s section, but it was eight months ago. She thought she was about to get catcalled and a two-penny tip, but instead she gave the table advice on how to help David Morwitz, an Austin democratic candidate for state representative, gain more votes among young people. And Oscar wouldn’t leave until he got her number—for political reasons of course. That is until she made out with him after a Young Texas Democrats rally and he discovered the blue bonnet tattoo on her lower back.

He was fresh out of law school, hoping to build his political resume so he could run for office one day, and she was just finishing up her second year, living on tips and volunteering where she could. And, like all young lovers, they spent the whole summer and fall talking about their hopes and fears, their darkest secrets and greatest dreams.

“The Supreme Court, eh? One of the justices?”

“No,” she told him, “I just want to argue a case there. Set precedent.”

He smiled, showing off that goddamn dimple on his cheek. “You could go farther—the highest point even.”

She laughed and shook her head. “I’m looking to help the little guy, Diaz. I can do that anywhere.”

“Then why not the presidency?” When she scoffed, he said, “Fuck you, I’m serious. I’ve seen you in action, Claremont. The protest you organized for the clinic they shut down? You’re incredible.”

That moment hugs her as she struggles to let go of Oscar’s hands. They’re rough from the field work he did in high school but also calloused from his guitar. She spent months learning the lines on his hands; she can draw them from memory, as he can with the curves of her hips.

His flight leaves in two hours. Ellen will have to watch the blue sky for planes, imagining him soaring away with his Walkman playing a worn-out Latin tape. Maybe if Morwitz won, things could be different.

But they’re not. She’s still filling coffee cups and handing out “yes, ma’ams” and “yes, sirs” like they’re pocket change. And he’s still going back to California to join an immigration law firm.

“Claremont,” he starts, “I don’t know what to say. These past few months—”

“I know,” she says. Lord, do not let her bawl in front of this man—not like she hasn’t before when the anniversary of her mother’s death came around. But still, she’s got to leave him with the image of the take-no-shit, strawberry-blond fireball she is.

They stare into each other’s eyes for a moment. God, she’ll never forget this man even if she tries. His curly black hair swoops over his eyebrows and behind his ears. His sleeves seem permanently rolled up, his tie loosened. Oscar somehow carries the lackadaisical Cali-boy in his smile and the strength against generational oppression in his eyes. The sorrow of goodbye shows in his drooping shoulders. Ellen knows she can set them straight with one kiss on the lips and a hand somewhere else.

Instead, she drops his hands and looks away.

“Ask me to stay,” Oscar says, reaching for her waist.

Ellen can’t bear to look into his warm, brown eyes and tell him to go. She puts her hands on his chest and feels his heart beating under them. His beautiful, fighting heart. “I won’t do that, Diaz. If the situation were reversed, I’d slap you for suggesting it.”

He pulls her chin up, forcing her to look at him. “The situation’s not reversed, Ellen. Ask me to stay.”

Lord, every time her first name rolls off his tongue electricity shoots down her back, and now it meets the lightning rod that is his hand on her tattoo. It takes everything in her not to jump him in this parking lot. Damn the cars driving past them. Damn the diner patrons watching through the windows. Damn the Bible-thumper preaching from the street corner. The world should stop for her goodbye to the man that shocks her too her very core with one touch.

“Oscar.”

“Ellen.”

His forehead presses into hers, and his hand meets the other on the small of her back. She can’t help but wrap her arms around his neck, like they’re about to sway to an overrated pop song at a high school dance. He smells like he always does: cheap cologne and sweat, and holding him—being held by him—feels like taking a wrong turn on the drive home just so you can finish your favorite song.

“You don’t want me to leave, right?” Oscar asks.

“No, but this is crazy. You can’t stay here. What would you do? What would we do?”

Favorite song—favorite person be damned, too. Hasn’t it crossed his mind that his life can’t just transfer to Texas? The campaign is over, and his family and career are back in California. He’s being stupid, and she’s letting him.

Touching him makes her irrational, so Ellen lets go and steps back. “I mean, Lord help us, Diaz! Have you even thought about this?”

“What’s there more to think about? I love you and you love me! We’ll figure out the rest.”

“Oh, do not give me that ‘love conquers all’ bullshit! You’re smarter than that!” she says.

Her fifteen has got to be over by now, but fuck it. Her manager can wait. She’ll stand her and scream at Oscar; she’s developed quite an affinity for it. God bless him.

“Maybe it does—”

“Bull-fucking-sh—”

“No!” He grabs her hands, and she doesn’t fight it. “With all the shit we’ve been through, can’t you see it’s brought us here? Right now, Claremont. You and me. We’ve got something; we want the same things. Let’s do it. Come on, Ellen, let’s just fucking do it!”

And he kisses her. It’s not desperate, but gentle and resolute. Her hands find the nape of his neck again, and she tangles her fingers in his soft curls. Sunflowers bloom in her belly. Oscar squeezes her hips in his hands. Sweet baby Jesus. She can’t let him go. She’ll have to kill him first.

He pulls away—only a centimeter or two—and says again, “Ask me to stay.”

Eight months of this shit. Eight months of diner banter and canvassing and takeout movie nights and fucking in his motel room or her tiny-ass apartment or one of their cars. Eight months of law school papers and screaming matches and tequila and talking for hours until one of them crashes and the other cuddles up to fall asleep. Eight months of hands—his and hers—intertwined like they’re holding the Earth together.

“Stay,” she whispers. A car blares its horn, so she barely hears herself say it. But she does.

“Stay with me, and we’ll change the fucking world.”

As stubborn as she is, so is he. They match in some weird way, and Ellen can’t remember the last time she found a person like that. Fucking Oscar Fucking Diaz. She’ll get on her knees for him or step on his neck if he asks nicely enough. She’ll spend hours critiquing his debate strategies or peering over his shoulder while he proofs one of her assignments. She’ll bake him peach cobbler or devour his mole and anything it touches. Oscar’ll play the guitar, and she’ll sing along.

“Good because I already accepted a job with Representative Acosta. He’s from 54.”

“Fuck you!” Frustrated, angry, and smiling, Ellen shoves his shoulders. “I know where he’s goddamn from! But what the hell were you pulling my leg that far for?”

He puts on that Diaz smirk and trails a finger down her hip. “Pretty legs though.”

“I’ll fry you up and serve you for dinner if you ain’t careful,” she deadpans.

“Promise?” Oh, good Lord.

“I hate you.”

“You love me.”

Ellen grabs his jaw, rubs a finger over that fucking dimple, and pulls him to her lips.

“I do,” she says.

check out the rest of my rwrb and the five love languages series: part one, part two, part four, and part five. (links to come as they’re released)

so yeah it’s fairly obvious that i have a hard time keeping to a schedule BUT i think this turned out very cute (even if it’s not actually set during valentine’s) and even if i go past v-day, which will probably happen, i’m determined to finish romance week! anyways, thanks for all of your support! <3

rwrb romance week | @rwrb-fests

[stonecoldsilly]

A Song Of My Own

a present for my darling @cufflinksanddrinks, on this her BIRTHDAY!

Jaskier falls in love all the time.

He’s not a womanizer, per se, and Geralt would find it very difficult to travel with him if he were flitting in and out of beds with little regard for the hearts he breaks and leaves behind. The worst part is that he means every word of it.

Geralt can tell when people lie, with a reasonable degree of accuracy; their heart rate increases, or they sweat more, some little sign their body gives off to warn of their deceit. With Jaskier it’s even easier, being so attuned to him as he now is, to hear the subtle shift in the rhythm of his heart when he tells a little fib about how he lost some of their washing in the river. Jaskier doesn’t lie to him often at all, which is another point in his favour, and only ever about very small things, to save face, or try and ward off Geralt’s admittedly hot temper.

The first time Jaskier falls in love after they meet is about three weeks after Posada, when they reach an inn in some village he’s forgotten the name of.

They’re slowly growing used to each other, having gotten the first battles about Jaskier’s incessant humming and Geralt’s need for at least half an hour of undisturbed meditation a day out of the way. Their first proper spat, Geralt didn’t know whether to try and reign his temper in to avoid scaring him off, or whether to just have it out and get the bard’s departure with over with sooner. He needn’t have worried, Jaskier giving just as good as he got, getting up in his face and shrieking as soon as Geralt raised his own voice. He didn’t smell like fear once, just radiating heat and fury, but it had blown over as soon as he’d set off down the road, with the bard starting up his usual cheery songs and chatter not ten minutes later.

When they get inside the inn, they settle into their dinners before Jaskier plans to perform, and Geralt is concentrating on his stew more than anything else, so when he hears Jaskier’s heartbeat suddenly patter he looks up to find the threat. Jaskier is staring, mouth slightly open, looking at a girl the innkeeper is talking to, who looks to be his daughter.

She’s pretty enough, plump face and dark hair, but otherwise ordinary. Geralt looks back at Jaskier, who has caught her gaze now and is blushing and making great big cow eyes in her direction. He snorts, and settles into his stew again, determined not to think about why his stomach has dropped or his hands want to clench into fists. He’s known the bard less than a month, and it’s far too soon to be getting attached. It’s not like he wants Jaskier’s attention focused on him anyway, he hardly asked for it, but the tiny kernel of irrational jealousy is there regardless. Perhaps this is simply what the bard does, chases the next shiny and interesting thing, and he won’t want to tag along anymore.

Jaskier digs an elbow into his side, and he glowers.

‘What?’

‘She’s lovely, isn’t she? Oh gods, she’s coming over, act natural.’

Jaskier leans back in his seat casually, draping his body to good effect, but Geralt can hear his heart pick up the pace as the girl approaches, mugs of ale in hand.

‘Your drinks, sirs.’ She says, dimpling at Jaskier and ignoring Geralt completely.

‘Hello Jaskier, I’m gorgeous.’ The bard says, red and stuttering. ‘No, I mean… hello, I’m Jaskier, you’re gorgeous.’

His elbow nearly lands in his stew.

The girl bursts into peals of laughter, and Geralt turns his head, very slowly, to look at the bard’s profile, hopefully conveying some of his disbelief.

‘That’s very sweet of you, Jaskier.’ She says, giggling, and heads back to the kitchens, rosy cheeked and smiling.

Jaskier stares after her, looking adoring, and then shakes himself a little and turns to Geralt.

‘What.’ he says, tone decidedly soupy.

‘Hi Jaskier, I’m gorgeous?’ Geralt says drily.

‘Shut up.’ He smacks Geralt’s arm, and then resumes his staring after the girl.

‘Really?’

‘I’m terrible at flirting.’ Jaskier says absently. Geralt thinks back to their introduction in Posada but decides not to bring it up.

‘Oh, actually Geralt,’ Jaskier turns and looks up at him hopefully. ‘You’re an experienced man of the world, aren’t you?’ He doesn’t like where this is going at all. ‘Do you have any advice?’

‘What.’

‘You know, tips. For the ladies.’ Jaskier waggles his eyebrows ridiculously.

‘No.’

‘Come on, big handsome chap like you? You must be fighting them off with a stick.’

Geralt scowls. If it isn’t already obvious to Jaskier, he doesn’t want to have to explain that most women would rather scream and run than bed him.

‘No.’

Jaskier huffs at him dramatically. ‘Some wingman you are. I need your help with this sort of thing Geralt. What else are friends for?’

Geralt just eyes him warily. ‘Sing her a song or something.’ The last thing he wants to do is give Jaskier advice on his love life. Jaskier nods at this, looking distracted, and picks up his lute to pluck at the strings, whispering half-lines under his breath and tapping his foot under the table.

He gets up to perform eventually, looking a bit more ruffled and nervous than Geralt has seen him before. He fiddles with his hair, and the girl reappears from the kitchens to stand with a little gaggle of friends, whispering and giggling at the bar.

He flings a panicked look in Geralt’s direction, and for fuck sake, Geralt has no idea what kind of reassurance he’s after. He raises his eyebrows meaningfully, and then gives in entirely. Jaskier still looks worried, so he makes a little thumbs up at him and then settles back into his pint to watch the disaster unfold.

Jaskier actually does look reassured and blows out a deep breath. He starts with crowd-pleasers, and everyone in the inn seems to know them and sing along. He does have a good voice, and once he settles into his performance the nerves fade entirely. Geralt can hear his heart, thumping away merrily, and he can tell his scent has changed to excitement even at this distance. He shifts to Toss a Coin, and the people gathered love it, as they have in the other taverns and villages they’ve visited. The girl is watching Jaskier very closely now, as he winks and dances and bounces around the room merrily.

He finishes the song, and then turns and bows in her direction, strumming a song that’s new to Geralt’s ears as well, though he thought he’d already heard all of Jaskier’s repertoire by now.

‘Because you’re gorgeous, I’d do anything for you, Because you’re gorgeous, I know you’ll get me through...’

The lyrics are clearly improvised, and a little rough, but Jaskier’s whole body lights up when she looks back at him, holding each other’s gaze as he sings a song he wrote on the fly especially for her. His pupils are dilated, his heart is racing, and all Geralt can smell is the sharp bite of vanilla rising in his nostrils, filling the room with cloying sweetness that lingers at the back of his throat.

He wants to sneer at the simpering girl, that he has his own song as well, and then is abruptly horrified at his own thoughts. He stands, suddenly, and goes up to their room, determined not to think about it anymore.

Jaskier doesn’t come back to the room that night, and thus the pattern is set.

read the rest on AO3

[raineydaywrites]

working on from then til now (part 3 of 5)

link to part 1 (x), part 2 (x), ao3 (x)

As more and more days passed with no sign that Angus had said anything to the Director about what Taako had told him, he started to relax a little, wondering if the kid maybe had chosen not to say anything at all.

Taako didn't understand that, but he wasn't going to question it when that might prompt Angus to reconsider. Maybe the kid had decided not to break up the Reclaimer team. Sure, Magnus and Merle could get the relics too, but the three of them worked well together and all, so it might be too much of a pain to replace him now.

Maybe the kid even decided to spare him because he liked Taako? He'd asked for more magic lessons after the first, and Taako had agreed, because he was still bored, and that first magic lesson had proven surprisingly fun, and Angus had talent. He was hard on himself, but Taako knew how to pick up on genuine talent when he saw it.

He really hoped it was one of those first explanations, and not the one that sometimes snuck into his mind late at night, when the worst thoughts always arrived.

He really hoped that Angus wasn't scared of him. He might be. Had a right to be. Taako had killed a lot of people, and he was a powerful fucking wizard, and he'd even threatened him- jokingly- about what he'd do if Angus ever surpassed him in wizardly talents.

Not to mention the fact that his Umbra Staff had randomly blasted Ango's macarons with fire for no apparent reason. Angus seemed to believe Taako when he said that the Staff had been acting on its own- but what if he didn't?

It was an irrational fear. Angus wouldn't have asked for more magic lessons if he was afraid of him. He'd just avoid him, right?

But irrationality never stopped anxious thoughts from plaguing anybody.

-

Angus didn't know what to do. He liked Taako. He enjoyed spending time with him, and he was really happy that Taako had agreed to keep teaching him magic.

He wanted it to be as simple as that.

But he couldn't forget who Taako was. He couldn't stop thinking that it was a betrayal to his parents to like their killer so much.

He couldn't stop thinking of Taako fondly.

The more time he spent with Taako, the weirder he felt about all of it. The more he found himself loving Taako. The more he found himself hating himself for the betrayal.

He needed to confront Taako, but instead he was befriending him. What was he thinking?

As he let his thoughts stew, he was embarrassed to realize that the Director was speaking to him. Probably had been for a bit, judging by the tone of her voice when she said his name.

"Angus?"

"I- I'm so sorry, ma'am, I got distracted. Could you repeat that?" Angus said, blushing.

"I was asking if you're okay, Angus," the Director said, brows furrowed together in concern as she watched him.

"Yes, ma'am, I'm fine!" Angus said.

"Really?" The Director did not seem to believe that at all.

"Well- no- I mean- I'm having a personal issue. But it won't interfere with my work, I promise!" Angus assured.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help?" the Director said, and she hesitated before sitting down next to Angus on the little bench he'd been on for- he wasn't sure how long.

"Not really," Angus sighed. He wished that she could. It would be so nice if he could tell her everything and have her present a neat solution, but it couldn't happen.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

Angus did. But if he told her, then it would only make things more complicated. If he told her, then she'd have to decide if Taako's abilities outweighed the fact that he'd been responsible for such a tragedy as the Glamour Springs disaster. She was a really good person, and Angus didn't think that such a decision would weigh easy on her mind. He didn't want to make things harder for her.

Maybe he'd tell her, if he thought she could actually fix everything, but he didn't. He was having a conflict of emotions and morals, and he had to figure it out for himself. No one else could do it for him.

Besides which, it felt like a betrayal to Taako to share something like that, that Taako had shared with him in confidence. He didn't want to get Taako in trouble when he still hadn't even figured out how he felt about all of this.

"I don't think- that I can. It's not my story to tell," Angus said, finally.

"I understand," the Director said. "But if you ever need to talk, please know that I will listen."

She stood then, but didn't walk away quite yet.

"But I urge you to talk to someone about it. Perhaps the individual whose story it is. It's important to communicate about your struggles. Sometimes you can't, I know," she said, and her voice took on a very sad, longing tone, and Angus wondered again what her life had been like before this. "But- through all the difficulties I've had, I've found that it's better when you have people at your side. There will always be problems that you cannot be open about, but that makes it all the more important to be open when you can."

There was a sincerity and a weight to her voice that made Angus want to listen to her advice.

"Thank you ma'am. I'll- see what I can do," Angus offered, giving a bright smile to thank her for her words. She so clearly meant them, and it meant a lot to Angus that she wanted to help.

"Good. I hope that your issue eases up soon. You deserve- I only want what's best for everyone," she smiled back at him, and Angus found himself feeling a little lighter.

She was right, much as he hated the thought of airing out everything.

He would never get past this if he didn't communicate about it.

He had to speak with Taako.

-

When Angus had asked to speak in private, Taako had immediately gone tense. This could only be about one thing.

He'd hoped that Angus wouldn't feel the need to talk about the situation ever again. It wasn't exactly something that Taako liked to relive.

But what was he supposed to do? The kid deserved to be heard out. He deserved to deal with the kid's reaction. And anyway, Angus had a sword hanging over Taako's head in the form of knowing Taako's biggest secret.

Taako didn't think that Angus wanted to blackmail him, but he also knew that Angus could and would under the right circumstances.

So he agreed, and found himself in Angus' dorm room, waiting for judgement.

Angus' room was kind of adorable, Taako hated to admit. It was small, and his bed had a bunk that no one used- the moon base had a limited amount of real estate, and clearly the Director had struggled with finding a space that was appropriate for a kid to live in. Angus needed his own room since he was, like, a child and couldn't bunk with an adult stranger, but the single bed rooms were mostly suites, with kitchens and sometimes other bedrooms, which Angus didn't need.

Kid had limited cooking experience, as evidenced by the sugar-less macarons, and he was too short for adult-human sized appliances and too tall for a gnome or dwarf sized kitchen to be very comfortable either.

It looked like she'd settled on taking a bunkbed out of one of the initiate-type dorm rooms, leaving Angus with a little more space and privacy. There was a desk against one wall, and Taako wasn't surprised to see that it was very neat, but the little stuffed toys lining the back of it were a cute surprise. They were clearly decorative, and Taako was sure that the kid would rather be caught dead than playing with them, but it was adorable anyway.

He had a bookshelf, half lined with colorful kids' chapter books, mostly Caleb Cleveland novels, and half with thick tomes in dark colors.

Taako tried to keep the grin on his face from becoming too soppy. It was cute yeah, but he was a stone-cold motherfucker, and he wouldn't be caught turning into mush over a dumb kid.

"So, what's up bubeleh?" Taako asked, dropping into the chair at the desk and leaning it back on two legs, trying to keep it casual.

"I need to talk to you about what happened at Glamour Springs," Angus said, his face drawn and serious.

Taako stopped rocking the chair, but didn't look over at Angus. So that confirmed that Angus knew everything. Must have done his research if he now knew where it had gone down.

"Shoot," Taako said.

"You killed forty people at Glamour Springs because you made a mistake with magic you weren't familiar with," Angus said.

Taako winced at the words like they were a physical blow, but they were certainly true.

Angus paused, but Taako didn't know what to say. What was there to say? He couldn't justify it any more than he already had.

"Two of them were Sam and Dianne McDonald," Angus said, voice wavering and thick. "My parents."

Taako felt his blood go cold and his mind go dark. No. Fuck. Gods, what had he done?

It had been a long time since Taako let himself think of his victims. He tried to avoid it most of the time. But here was a reminder, standing right in front of him, tears in his eyes. He found his mind casting back to that horrible moment all over again, trying to visualize them. Trying to pick them out from the crowd.

But he'd spent so long trying to forget that day, the crowd had just turned into a blur of horrified faces and dying people.

He'd always felt so bad about them that he'd rarely had much guilt to spare for the other victims- the families of everyone he'd killed. The parents and sibling and friends- the children that he had orphaned.

Whatever happened now, he wouldn't protest. His past had finally caught up to him, and he had no right to avoid it.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Angus said, and his voice cracked, and Taako felt a stabbing pain in his chest over it.

"What can I say?" Taako asked, and it was a genuine question. He wanted to say something that would help, but no words would undo what he'd done. "I'm sorry, Angus. I'm so fucking sorry."

Angus just sobbed at that. Taako always hated it when people cried, but he still found himself wanting to comfort the kid. He wanted to hug him and soothe him, which was a big difference from his usual tactic of running from emotions as fast as possible. But would his comfort even be welcome?

"I know you're sorry," Angus finally mumbled.

He brought up his hands to scrub tears from his eyes, pushing his glasses roughly out of the way in the process. He looked so little. He'd been even littler when he'd lost his parents.

Taako had expected anger if he ever met someone who loved any of his victims. Who wouldn't be angry at something like that?

But this was worse. It was so much worse than anger ever could have been. It broke his heart. He hated seeing Angus like this. He just wanted to make it better.

"Babe, come here," Taako said, reaching for Angus. It was instinctive, an offer without any conscious thought behind it. He wasn't good at comfort, but it seemed that his subconscious at least had some idea of how to do it.

He didn't expect Angus to listen. He hadn't expected the kid to immediately dart into his arms and start to cry into his shirt. He let it happen anyway. This was the least he could do after what he'd taken from the kid.

He held Angus close as the kid cried, offering soft comforting noises intermittently, feeling more helpless than he could remember ever feeling before.

Angus managed to cry himself into a state of exhaustion, and fell asleep right there in Taako's lap. Taako had never felt so guilty as he did then, realizing that the kid trusted him anyway. Realizing that he valued the kid's trust. Realizing that he never would have met this kid if he hadn't messed up so bad at Glamour Springs.

How dare he gain any happiness from that? It was selfish to be happy to have Angus in his life when it came at the cost of Angus losing his parents, and his parents and so many others losing their lives. He had no right to love Angus, let alone to be loved back.

Taako had long ago accepted that he was a selfish person, but this went so far beyond that. He couldn't seem to stop it though. And what was he supposed to do? Leave the kid to grieve alone, avoid facing responsibility for what he'd done? Surely that was worse.

Taako picked Angus up, gently, settling him onto the bed. He took off the kid's shoes and his glasses, setting them by the side of the bed for when Angus woke.

He didn't notice his own tears until one fell onto Angus' face as he was pulling the blanket over him, and then, having noticed, it was all he could do to keep his crying silent so as to not wake Angus.

He couldn't walk back to his room like this. He probably shouldn't leave Angus alone either.

Taako sat down on the wall farthest from Angus' bed, and clapped a hand over his mouth to hold back the urge to sob.

part 4 (x), part 5 (x)

[sapphicsongbirdblues]

Calanthe and Eist’s Birth Charts

okay so because I’m a fucking nerd I decided to spend upwards of 6 hours a couple of weeks ago making birth charts for Calanthe and Eist, and I figured that I’d share them here since I put so much fucking work into them. 

Good to note that all of these traits are heavily influenced by @marvellouslymadmim ‘s incredible fics....

I’ve also taken the liberty to give them birthdays bahaha, and I didn’t do houses because that would have taken me an extra 10 hours so this is just the planets. It’s long so read below cut :)

Calanthe, December 23, 1218 (Sun- Mars + Rising placements)

Sun in Capricorn: center of self, other traits mix with this

Meticulous, dead-pan, practical, they get shit DONE son, very self-assured, sarcastic, need structure or they will literally fall apart (and they often do.. Although secretly), resourceful, intelligent, blunt… need I say more

Moon in Aquarius: rules emotions, moods, feelings

Observant, oftentimes considered “loners,” powerful defense mechanisms, willful, wil deny “irrational” emotions (jealousy, possessiveness, fear) in order to seem “above” others, independent, thrive off of “shock-value,” proud, don’t like “messy” emotions, can seem incredibly distant to the people closest to them, hide sensitivities very well, unpredictable, stubborn, and incredibly seductive and charming

Ascendent in Leo: the “mask” you wear, public persona

GREAT hair, cares about appearance (not necessarily out of vanity but out of an understanding that appearance can be a weapon), aware of how they are perceived, very tender and gentle with loved ones, say exactly what they think, enjoy being the center of attention… but ONLY when they choose to be

Mercury in Scorpio: planet of communication

meticulous→ gets to the bottom of EVERYTHING, great observers, suspicious, tend to focus on the negative, passionate, prone to lecturing rather than listening, however they are excellent at giving advice, better communicators when it comes to subjects that are not close to home→ have a hard time communicating needs/feelings, excellent strategizers, constructive criticism = destructive criticism (they will rip you to shreds), want to WIN conversations (and often do), defensive of people they care about, love a challenge

Venus in Pisces: planet of love and relationships

In love they are dreamy and soft, can be a little moody and irregular, hard to read, like to “feel things out” (HATE decision making), can take YEARS to commit to something/someone, want partners to know that their love is unconditional, like to save people, tender and affectionate, oftentimes hard to reach, flippant, absolutely devoted (eventually)

Mars in Scorpio: planet of sex and aggression

Lovesssss a challenge→ like to set personal goals to see if they can meet them/ bend the rules, formidable opponents, hard to read, high sexual stamina, generally get what they want in bed (ahem), possessive of partners (but will never admit it), can have a hard time compromising, great survival instincts, very protective people, show love through physical touch and sex, extrememly passionate individuals

Eist, June 26, 1219 (Sun-Mars + Rising)

Sun in Cancer: center of self

Protective, caring, nurturing, moody, led by emotions, good at hiding vulnerability but are VERY VULNERABLE, soft, self-sacrificing

Moon in Taurus: rules emotions, moods, feelings

Cherish familiarity, strong-willed, sensory, materialistic, persevering (sometimes to a fault), crave stability and often ARE that stability for others, very romantic, affectionate, sentimental, warm, enduring, hold on tight to their loved ones, loyal, serene, stubborn af, crave routine, need clear lines and boundaries

Ascendant in Pisces: “mask,” public persona, physical appearance 

Very very dreamy (and often have dreamy eyes), idealistic, go with the flow, gentle, peacemakers and peace lovers, chameleon- like persona (often can change easily to blend in with their environments socially and emotionally), can be shy or quiet but that’s because they are taking time to observe everything around them, however they loveeee to talk when the time is right, restless and searching, “feel their way through life,” rely heavily on emotions, irresistible charm, soft aura, very likeable

Mercury in Cancer: planet of communication

Communicate through feelings, sensitive, deep thinkers, can take time to respond to situations, excellent listeners, meditative and reflective, incredible memories (especially good at remembering emotional context), has a hard time letting emotions go, gentle, intuitive, sentimental, protective, soothing, nurturing, can get “lost” in another person’s way of thinking/feeling, very good with words (especially along the lines of letter writing and poetry)

Venus in Cancer: planet of love and relationships

Need commitment and predictability, sensitive, need security and care, pay more attention to their partner’s feelings than their words, excellent listeners, can be incredibly moody (especially if they don’t have an outlet for their stronger emotions), hate indifference (like indifference could literally kill them… so don’t do that), not afraid of confronting emotions, a bit anxious in love→ need reassurance, can be possessive, sentimental, tender, attached, cuddly, soft

Mars in Taurus: planet of sex and aggression

Calm and easy going, can have powerful tempers when pushed over the edge (but it doesn’t happen often), value strength and stability, need security, will spend years trying to achieve a goal, will not change their mind (like ever… well almost), immovable, extremely sensory when it comes to sex, long lasting and steady sexual stamina, not necessarily spontaneous but they stick to what they’re good at, very emotionally connected to sex (it’s never just physical)

Shared Placements (Jupiter-Pluto)

Jupiter in Scorpio: Jupiter represents the traits that bring us fortune

Incredibly emotional (but secretive about it), decisive, intense, have great will power, intuitive, creative, in control

Cal and Eist are both emotionally intelligent. They are seekers of truths and are determined in their efforts. Both like to be in control, both are led by emotions and passions rather than logic. When fully tapped into their emotions, they are unstoppable. When cultivated correctly, emotions become their most powerful tools and weapons. 

Saturn in Pisces: reveals limitations of the self

Saturn in Pisces people are incredibly helpful and are excellent caregivers; however they are not so good at directing that care towards themselves. In fact, they often shut down when someone directs pity (or what these Piscean placements deem as pity) at them. They like to be in control, so when they aren’t they become paranoid and anxious. Saturn in Pisces individuals have to work extra hard to take care of themselves-- this is one of their greatest faults.

Cal and Eist are both care-givers; they fiercely protect the people they love most. However, they have a hard time taking care of themselves, and letting others take care of them. They believe that they have the ability to protect themselves if they hold onto that self-control, but they often do not have self control as they are led primarily by emotion. Each of them needs coaxing from their loved ones to truly take care of themselves. They rely heavily on their close circles. 

Uranus in Gemini: rules friends, relationships, community, transformation, change, ideas

Uranus in Gemini people are super energetic and are incredible innovators. They are quick witted and quick tempered, often moving between emotions and ideas in moments. They are great transformers of thought, and often break traditions and taboos (rather gleefully). They hate authority, and will question it relentlessly.

Cal and Eist are both witty and intelligent people. They’re excellent strategists and politicians. Although they both perform their roles as diplomats and political leaders, they often go out of their way to subvert norms and question authority. They create new rules, they bend tradition. They hide in plain sight. 

Neptune in Virgo: to refine, planet of inspiration

Neptune in Virgo people are idealistic and detail oriented. They love to serve others, especially those in need. They value work and health and safety. They are versatile and adaptable. They are motivated by a sense of duty and helpfulness. 

Cal and Eist are excellent leaders and they truly value their positions as respective rulers of their nations. They are compassionate, though stern, and are ready to make hard decisions when it comes to issues of diplomacy. They are also quite stubborn, and oftentimes their opinions are conflated with fact. It’s important to note that the two generations following are Neptune in Libra (full of individuals who value harmony and diplomacy and justice-- ahem Pavetta), and Neptune in Scorpio (full of individuals who are secretive, profound, and enjoy solitude; people who also enjoy the search for truth and justice-- ahem Cirilla).

Pluto in Taurus: symbolizes rebirth, change, secrets

Pluto in Taurus individuals are incredibly stubborn and persistent. They value materials and will never be satisfied with the amount of resources they have. They hate change and love their way. 

Cal and Eist (and Mousesack and other characters around their age group) were born and grew up in a generation which sought, conquered, and maintained resources effectively. Cal, especially, used her strengths and her resourcefulness to protect and improve her kingdom; and for a majority of her rule maintained diplomacy without surrendering any of her power. However, the generation following Taurus is Gemini. This generation (including Cahir and Pavetta and potentially Ciri) are inquisitive and thirsty for ideas and knowledge. They are the breakers of tradition. Where Cal and Eist’s generation built and maintained some version of stability, Pavatta and Cahir’s generation destroy borders and bring about great change and innovation. 

[slasherscream]

Can you do headcanon for Norman Bates with a pregnant s/o? Thx xo

oooh my gosh oh my gosh *foams at the mouth from the mere thought™)

honestly he’s so excited when you first tell him. 

he’s a little worried at first, wondering if this sudden change in the life you share might strengthen the voice of mother that still lurks in the dark corners of his mind. 

he knows he can lean on you though and does so, voicing his concerns after he shows his initial excitement and support. 

if the two of you aren’t already married (highly unlikely because he is romantic and soft when he can allow himself to be) you will be getting married as soon as possible. you need to be married yesterday. 

would swoon if you would take his name or at least hyphen yours. 

he has daydreams about people coming to the motel and commenting on what a perfect, picturesque family the three of you make. 

the two of you running the motel while your child plays and laughs and smiles, well-behaved but brimming with the joy that comes with a childhood full of love.

you would think he would be worried about repeating the terrible childhood he lived through but he isn’t, not really. 

he knows that the two of you have all the love in the world to give to the child you two will have. knows that you’ll be with him every step of the way, to guide him and help him along where he might stumble in ignorance or indecision. 

if nothing else he knows that you, the person he loves more than anything, will guarantee the child will have a wonderful life. you’re so full of love and good qualities. he knows you’ll make an incredible parent, you’ve already made such a wonderful partner. already made his life so much brighter. 

all this isn’t to say he intends to leave you with all the leg work of raising your child. he’s going to be very involved (but will often worry about being stifling or foul-tempered like mother so often was.) 

he just takes comfort in knowing that no matter how bad he might turn out to be as a father (he’ll do wonderfully), you’ll more than make up for his shortcomings. 

but back to you being pregnant. 

he doesn’t want you to lift a finger! even before you start showing he starts to hover and fret over you. 

a few weeks after you found out you were pregnant you went into one of the motel’s many rooms to clean and noticed a light-bulb blinking out. you climbed up onto the world’s lowest ladder but norman came looking for you at just the wrong time and nearly worked himself into hysterics about you being so high up!! where you could fall!! and hurt yourself!!! 

he freaks out so bad that it might make you cave to his gentle prodding and insistence that you “just sit down and rest” long before you actually physically need to do so.

likes to help you out of chairs and couches and beds. if you are ever getting up he will manifest out of nowhere and delicately take one of your hands in his and have the other at your back. 

he starts to initiate touch with you more. before he would let you set the pace, or reach out for him. he loves you and is starved for affection but he was just a little hesitant to ever be the one to start it. 

afraid of being too much, too needy, too wanting. or, worse, not enough.

now he can’t keep his hands off you!! he is always pressing kisses to your cheeks, your forehead, your hands, even your belly when you’re alone or laying in bed at night. 

yes he cries the first time he feels the baby kick. for once he’s not even embarrassed about being so emotional. 

he has an irrational fear that you could slip in the shower and die during the next nine months so please take baths or else you will find him hovering outside the bathroom door waiting to hear the slightest thump so he can spring into action!! he worries!!

he’s worried for the baby too of course but for some reason he has the particular idea that your body has become more fragile. he’s not just scared that you’re carrying a child and anything that happens to you can effect them, he’s genuinely like “i think....pregnancy.... is ..risky”

someone help him.

that being said he loves the changes your body goes through.

he thinks you look very endearing waddling around the motel. he’s always smiling and happy whenever he catches a glimpse of you throughout the day. you’re so wonderful. you’re going to be a family of three soon. 

lowkey he’s also like.... a little turned on because like ....you’re having his baby. you’re his spouse. but he feels like that might be wrong to feel? you’ll probably be able to sense it though. he’s not very subtle.

worried about hurting you or the baby during sex so he’ll be even more gentle than usual. do not ask him to be rough!! 

if you get any kind of morning sickness he will feel so bad. whenever he goes into town for supplies and whatnot he talks to the local women and asks for cures. he’s got a sweet, honest face so they always try their best to help give him quality advice. 

the man looks like he’ll fall to pieces if you wake up sick and miserable one more time.

likes to rub your feet whenever they get sore, bloated or achy. he will rub them until his hands get sore and achy. you will never know because he will never tell you. he likes taking care  of you. 

one of the few slashers who would get up in the dead of night... and happily go and fetch you even the most ridiculous of cravings. 

you could tell him he can’t run the motel by himself and always be taking care of you but it’s like he takes your words as a challenge because now he’ll do both but even better than before. 

it’s like he wants to prove he can take care of you and the baby no matter what he needs to do. reassure him before he passes out from exhaustion :(((

probably going to also be busy because he really will.....be completely redecorating the house.

he knows it might seem like bad or funny timing but norman wants a real fresh start. he doesn’t want his child to sleep in the same crib he used to sleep in. or stare at the same dull walls. or sit on the same furniture his mother used to. he feels her energy so deeply seeped into everything that’s currently in the house. it makes him uneasy!!

he strips it totally bare. he sells all the furniture to get new things and then dips a bit into the savings he hasn’t touched that he’s built up throughout the years just for good measure. he repaints the walls. he makes it so homey and warm and so unlike the house he grew up in. 

he talks to you a lot and asks you a lot of questions. he wants it to be your dream-house as much as possible!! his only goal is for it to be a place you three will always be content to call home.

honestly going to panic a bit when your water breaks and probably brings you to the hospital long before you’ve dilated but better early than late!