#[ also i kind of wanted to make it sad for simon because i live for that ]

[specialagentartemis]

godddddd i have disliked becky chambers' work since long way to a small angry planet and I agree that that fish scene is SO much of what is wrong with contemporary SFF especially queer SFF. refreshing take, great review, thank you. would love to hear what authors or works you think of as the antidote to that sensibility.

The thing is, I enjoyed The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet when I first read it - it was a fun, light adventure, clearly a debut novel but I was excited to see where Chambers would go from there. And I actually really do think the sequel, A Closed and Common Orbit, was good! It did interesting things with AI personhood and identity.

... and then Chambers just kinda. Did not get better. She settled into a groove and has a set number of ideas that I feel like she hasn't broken out of, creatively. And they I M O kind of rest on an assumption that "human nature" = "how people act in suburban California."

As an antidote to that sensibility, I'd say... books where people have a real interrelationship with the land they inhabit, a sense of being present, and reciprocal obligations to that land; books that recognize that some things can never be taken back once done; books with well-drawn characters, where people have strong opinions deeply informed by their circumstances, that can't always be easily reconciled with others, and won't be brushed aside; books where these character choices matter, they impact each other, they cannot be easily gotten over, because people have obligations to each other and not-acting is a choice too.

And it's only fair that after all day of being a Hater I should rec some books I really did like.

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke - A man lives alone in an infinite House, over an equally infinite ocean. Captures the feeling that I think Monk & Robot was aiming for. Breathtaking beauty, wonder at the world, philosophy of truth, all that good stuff, and actually sticks the landing. The main character's love, attention, and care to his fantasy environment shows through in every page. (Fantasy, short novel)

Imperial Radch by Ann Leckie - An AI, the one fragment remaining of a destroyed imperial spaceship, is on a quest for revenge. Leckie gets cultural differences and multiculturalism, and conversely, what the imposition of a homogeneous culture in the name of unity means. (Space sci-fi, novel trilogy)

Machineries of Empire by Yoon Ha Lee - An army captain's insubordination is punished by giving her a near-impossible mission: to take down a rebelling, heretical sect holing up in a space fortress and defying imperial power. She gets a long dead brain-ghost of a notorious criminal downloaded into her head to help. Very, very good at making you feel like every doomed soldier was a person with a past, with a family, with feelings, with hopes and dreams and frustrations and favorites and preferences and reasons to live, right before they brutally die in a space war. Also very much about the imposition of homogeneity of culture as a force of imperialism. (Space sci-fi, novel trilogy)

The Fortunate Fall by Cameron Reed - Maya Andreyevna is a VR journalist in high-tech dystopian future Russia, and she decides to investigate the truth that the government doesn't want her to. She might die trying. It's fine. Also has digital brain-sharing, this time in a gay way. It's bleak. It's sad. It feels real. Not making a choice is a choice. Backing out is a choice. And choices have consequences. Choices reverberate through history. About responsibility. (Cyberpunk, novel)

The Vanished Birds by Simon Jimenez - Nia Imani is a spaceship captain, a woman out of time, a woman running from her past, and accidentally adopts a boy who has a strange power that could change the galaxy. Spaceship crew-as-found-family in the most heartbreaking of ways. Also about choices, how the choices you make and refuse to make shape you and shape the world around you. How the world is always changing around you, how the world does not stay still when you're gone, and when you come back you're the same but the world has moved on around you. About how relationships aren't always forever, and that doesn't mean they weren't important. About responsibility to others. It's a slow, sad book and does not let anyone rest on their laurels, ever. There is no end of history here. Everything is always changing, on large scales and small, and leaving you behind. (Space sci-fi, novel)

Dungeon Meshi / Delicious in Dungeon by Ryoko Kui - A D&D style fantasy dungeon crawl that stops to think deeply about why there are so many dungeons full of monsters and treasure just hanging around. Here because it's an example of an author thinking through her worldbuilding a lot, and it mattering. Also because of the characters' respect for the animals they are are killing and eating, their lives and their place in the ecosystem, and the ways that humans both fuck up ecosystems with extraction and tourism, but also the ways that you can have reciprocal relationships of responsibility and care with the ecosystem you live in, even if it's considered a dangerous one. (Fantasy, manga series)

Stories of Your Life and Others by Ted Chiang and How Long 'Til Black Future Month by N. K. Jemisin and Everyone on the Moon is Essential Personnel by Julian K. Jarboe - Short story anthologies that were SO good and SO weird and rewired the way I think. If you want the kind of stuff that is like, the opposite of easy-to-digest feel-good pap, these short stories will get into your brain and make you consider stuff and look at the world from new angles. Most of them aren't particularly upbeat, but there's a lot of variety in the moods.

"Homecoming is Just Another Word for the Sublimation of the Self," "Calf Cleaving in the Benthic Black," and "Termination Stories for the Cyberpunk Dystopia Protagonist" by Isabel J. Kim - Short stories, sci-fi mostly, that twist around in my head and make me think. Kim is very good at that. Also about choices and not-making-choices, about going and staying, about taking the easy route or the hard one, about controlling the narrative.

The Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells - Security robot with guns in its arms hacks itself free from its oppressive company, mostly wants to half-ass its job but gets sucked into drama, intrigue, and caring against its better judgement. This is on here because 1) I love it 2) I feel like it does for me what cozy sff so frequently fails to do - it makes me feel seen and comforted. It's hopeful and compassionate and about personal growth and finding community and finding one's place in the world, without brushing aside all problems or acting like "everybody effortlessly just gets along" is a meaningful proposal. also 3) because it is one of the few times I have yet seen characters from a hippie, pacifistic, eco-friendly, welcoming, utopian society actually act like people. The humans from Preservation are friendly, helpful, and motivated by truth and justice and compassion, because they come from a friendly, just, compassionate society, and they still actually act like real human beings with different personalities and conflicting opinions and poor reactions to stress and anger and frustration and fear and the whole range of human emotions rather than bland niceness. Also 4) I love it (space sci-fi, novella series mostly)

[inbarfink]

Okay, so I already wrote a bunch of stuff about how that scene, although it is really sweet, is also kind of a Bad Sign for Simon - how he refuses to learn the Obvious Lesson from the Winterworld adventure (that being the Ice King again is probably a really really bad idea). But I want to talk about it also a little more about what it means for Fionna’s character as well. 

Because while sitting around and wallowing in self-loathing is probably bad for Fionna, especially after being told that she shouldn't be allowed to exist, and Simon is right to try and get her out of her funk. It's also still worthwhile for Fionna to have some introspection about the Consequences of Her Actions. Because she and Cake really did not consider them at all at first. They have a sense of morality and an instinct towards heroism, but they also tend to kinda forget the fantastical worlds they visit don’t exist entirely for their fantasy and have kind of a Protagonist-Centered-Morality fallacy. 

Most obviously you can see it in the market in Ooo. How Cake, in her excitement, damaged and hurt and even killed

A bunch of innocent marketgoers without even noticing. And then Fionna immediately jumped to Cake’s defense against these ‘weirdos’, who were actually just normal kinda-righteously-angry Oooian citizens.

It’s actually very similar to the whole Winterworld situation. Fionna’s assumption that she’s automatically the hero and protagonist of the story and black-and-white view of the situation and her tendency to kick ass first and ask questions later meant that she just recklessly injured a lot of innocent people.

(It might’ve been worse actually cause at least in Winterworld she was at least manipulated by an evil Wizard)

Fionna and Cake clearly have a great potential for heroism, but they do need to be a bit more considerate of the situation and people around them. And it does make sense considering that from their perspective - they’ve been living a very ordinary life up until now (and Cake was literally an animal. A very clever animal, but still not bound by the same standards of morality as the talking animals in Ooo). Action and adventure and fantasy stuff has been purely the realm of daydream and video games for them - and Fionna literally speaks about it in these terms.

(also, Fionna's Main Character Syndrome was undoubtedly validated when God literally told her that she was created to be the main character of her universe)

So yeah, it takes them some time to really process how to be heroes - they need to grapple with questions that Finn and Jake already kinda dealt with seventeen years ago. And actually a lot of those; how to resolve a situation without necessarily using violence, when does a 'villain' actually deserve sympathy and kindness, the importance of the larger context of any given conflict... their confrontations with Ice King all played a big part in that. It was never just him, but he was still a very major part.

And for Fionna and Cake right now, learning these lessons require some amount of personal introspection. So while it was a sweet attempt at comforting, I dunno if Simon’s little ‘the only problem with that universe is that this Alternative Me was terrible because he didn’t even acknowledge or remember Betty as the love of our life and the light of my entire universe’ thing is actually Good. 

I’m not quite sure Simon is the best person to teach Fionna and Cake heroism 101, because he is so focused on the Crown Quest as the thing that brings back Meaning to his life, and because his fatherly instincts just kinda go “Sad Young Person???? MUST GIVE COMFORT!” and also on account of the kidnapping.

I’m sure Fionna is going to become the heroine she dreams about eventually, it’s just going to be a bumpy ride. The best we can hope for is that they accept Simon’s comfort, that she doesn't start believing that she is nothing but an Error for the entire universe like the Scarab claims, but don’t necessarily listen to all of Simon's his words either.

[lvlyghost]

Hi I just read your “The Things I Never Said” oneshot and loved it. Can I get a kind of opposite version where Simon wishes to be a dad but the reader never wants to be a mom so she freaks out and gets an abortion with out Simons knowledge and later he somehow finds out? Maybe angst to fluff? Totally ignore this if you dont want to, have a wonderful day/night.

The Things I Wish I Said

Pairings: Simon "Ghost" Riley x F!Reader

Summary: You decide to end things with Simon after what you did.

Word Count: 1.7k

Tw: hurt, comfort, angry simon, angst, implied abortion. Not proofread.Think that's it but lmk if i missed anything!🐸

A/N: here it is! I hope this doesn't disappoint and that it lives up to your expectations 😰🤞🏻 I really enjoyed writing this one and since it's similar to my previous fic decided to name it quite similar. ✨💞

Masterlist✨Masterpost

He doesn't know. You stare at Simon's gargantuan body as he barks orders to the new recruits. Things have been rather... tense lately. And it's all because of you.

Yesterday had taken a toll on you. A big piece of your heart and soul lost forever in that godamn clinic. You can still smell the perfume of the nurse, feel the hands of the doctor as he tried to comfort you. You're deadly pale, tired and numb. That's why you're sitting on the other side of the field, watching the rest of your team training as usual. Nothing changes for them. You on the other hand? Can't even look at Simon in the eyes. Not anymore. The one thing he wanted the most was also the one you were the most reluctant to. It just wasn't you.

You didn't have it in your DNA. To be a mother. To carry a baby in your arms. And not because you're selfish, but you had decided a long time ago that having children was off the table.

Even when everybody would say 'you'll change your mind when you find the one'. Well it was a blatant lie because you found him. You loved Simon. You'd do whatever he asked of you. Just not this. And you hate yourself for it.

You lied to him and didn't mention anything. Didn't tell him you were pregnant with his offspring.

Couldn't even bare to maintain a conversation with him. And he's starting to notice the way your body startles when he reaches out to you. How you avoid his gaze or not kiss him anymore.

"Feeling better?" He questions, strong arms crossed. Simon doesn't fully look down where you sit but side eyes you. He awaits. You're looking out to the field, ignoring his presence as you swallow the lump in your throat.

"Not really, Lieutenant." You simply add, in a hushed tone.

He sighs but doesn't move, starting to lose his patience. He's trying so hard to understand why you're acting like this. He's preoccupied. Anxious. Yet doesn't let it show, remaining stoic as ever.

"Wanna talk about it, Sergeant?" Biting down on your lip and fidgeting with your hands you shake your head. Simon rubs his face, annoyed that whatever the fuck is happening is driving the both of you apart, so he sits down on the bench next to you. "What is it?" He turns his head to you. Arms resting on his knees.

"Simon..." you warn him with a sad tone.

"No. That's an order."

"Sir, we're done here..." One of the recruits shouts from the other side.

"You bloody keep going until I tell you to stop!" He seethes, making you flinch.

Resting your head on your hands, start thinking about the inevitable. About what you're going to do. Your heartbeat racing when you feel his eyes on you again.

"Simon..." you say. "I... I- don't think we should be together right now." It hurts deep inside because all that's left is the rustling of wind and the voices of the soldiers around. You don't turn to see his reaction, probably wouldn't be able to stand it. It's not because you didn't love him. In fact, you loved him more than he could imagine. It's what you did behind his back what's eating you alive. And the best way you can seem to cope with it is to leave him.

Not a sound comes from him for the next few seconds. Until you finally find the courage to look his way. Blue eyes scan your body.

"As you wish, kid." He whispers. You can't see it but he's already spiraling down to a dark place.

The one good thing he had...

-

"I've had enough!" Soap's voice booms in the hallway and then your door bursts open. You shriek, standing up from the bed. "I can't stand it anymore lass. You've gotta talk to him." He says.

"Johnny... we've talked about this." You murmur.

"No. I'm being serious! Ghost is more irritated than usual, he almost punched me for saying he needed to get laid. The bloody hell happened to you both?" His eyebrows furrow. "You need to figure this out, otherwise..."

"It's complicated." You deadpan.

"Well then bloody make it right! Steaming fucking Jesus you two acting like fucking children. Grow the hell up."

You had never seen Johnny this mad.

Of course you were aware of Ghost's attitude since you two broke up. And it's only been three weeks. You've been attending the military counselor since then, it's a sorrowful feeling when you think about Simon, while you talk about him. About what led to the end of your relationship or whatever it was that you two had going on.

"I believe what you went through was hard and painful. But I do think that he deserves an answer." she had insisted. "He needs to know."

It was easier said than done. Every time you thought about going to his room or wherever he'd be you got this uneasy feeling, like he somehow despised you now. That all the soft smiles and gentle caressing that were once just for you had turned into frowns and harsh commands. Dismissing you whenever you showed up to training. Not even making eye contact during debriefs. Walking right past you in the corridor. You can't help but wonder if the baby's eyes would've been more like him or yours.

Stop.

The counselor said it was a type of ptsd and that therapy would help you get through it.

"The first step is to let yourself feel that pain, make amends with it, and then go see him."

"I'll try to talk to him Johnny. I promise." You murmur, jaw clenching.

The mere thought of going to speak to Simon made your hands sweat and your heart beat frantically.

Three days after the conversation with Soap, you stand in front of Simon's bedroom door. Blinking rapidly as your mind races with all the things you ought to say. It's almost one in the morning, unable to sleep you decided the conversation couldn't wait any longer. You couldn't wait anymore. Swallowing down saliva you raise your hand, two soft knocks on the door echoing in the empty hallway and you wait patiently, fumbling with your hands as the anxiety begins to raise.

Simon doesn't open so you knock again two times only to be greeted by more silence and a loud thunder outside in the sky.

A quiet huff leaves your mouth as you turn on your heel and leave. Wandering around the compound with no clear direction. It's dead silent, you're left with your own self destructive thoughts as you walk past the gym. A low thud can be heard from behind the doors so you backtrack and take a glimpse through the window.

Why is he at the gym at this ungodly hour?

Pushing past the door you walk sluggishly, Simon's quick to notice the disturbance, ready to snap at whomever is here to interrupt his midnight routine. It's been like this for weeks now; not being able to sleep. The nightmares that had disappeared for the most part came back with full force.

There's a hollow feeling inside of him ever since you decided to call it quits. He doesn't fucking understand, he's mad. Furious even. Can't help the anger whenever he wakes up and you're not there anymore. Can't bear the sight of you during debriefings and not even looking his way. The way you freeze when he has to order you around.

Had he done anything to make you fearful of him?

He needed to know, he needs answers. He'd ask tomorrow. He swears. Whatever it was. Then he'll walk away.

He stands from where he was about to start the second round of push-ups. Simon's able to recognize your silhouette with the lights off, he just knows you that well. Wherever you were, in a sea full of people he'd know it's you even then.

"Sorry..." you murmur. Simon's looking at you over his left shoulder through the mirror in front of him, you stand a few steps behind him. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

He stays silent. It's now that you come to realize that he isn't wearing the mask, instead lies on the room floor, discarded. "Was looking for you in your room but-"

"Say it." He barks, turning around and stalking towards you. His presence alone making you feel smaller. His brows are knitted, jaw clenched so hard you're sure he'll break his teeth. Simon is massive. Yet, despite all of this you know he'd never lay a finger on you, nor hurt you. "Fucking start talking, kid." The hurt in his voice is palpable. You fumble with your hands, it's getting harder to keep your eyes on his. You do not deserve his love at all. "Because I've been losing my mind ever since you shut me out."

A soft wail escapes your lips, you try to muffle it. Simon hesitates for a second. Wanting nothing more than to hold you in his arms, he awaits.

"I... I- got pregnant." You cried. "And you've always known I never wanted that. I panicked and didn't say a word because it would be more painful or...-" you swallow through incessant tears. "Or so I thought. I decided to get rid of it, Simon. But seeing what's done to us. What I've done... I'm so fucking sorry I don't deserve-"

Suddenly you're engulfed by strong arms and a broad chest as you finally let go and cry rivers of pain and regret. He's murmuring sweet things in your ear that you can't understand die to your deteriorating situation.

"It's okay. It's okay, love. Fucking hell, should've come to me." He growled. "Don't you ever do this to me again, kid. You didn't have to do it alone. Christ."

There's a soft kiss on the top of your head as your cries start to die down and all there's left are soft whimpers.

"I never meant to leave you, but I couldn't be close to you after what I did behind your back." You sniff.

The ever gentle caressing of his thumb on your back never ceases, providing the comfort you so desperately seek.

"S'alright, love. Nothing to be sorry about." He takes a step back keeping you at arms length. "There she is." A little broken but starting to be pieced back together. He gently wipes your cheeks and breathes deep. "I'm here. Always."

[god-complex-12]

Saudade

— Paring; Lt. Simon “Ghost” Riley x male reader. Fandom; Call of Duty: Modern Warfare II

Saudade: (n.) a feeling of longing, melancholy, or nostalgia; longing to be near something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost; “the love that remains”.

Quote; “Fuck you, Simon.”

Disclaimer; middle of a war, angst, sad, guns, violence, descriptions of war, childhood friends, childhood trauma, kind of PTSD, blood, fighting, fear, stabbing, no use of Y/N, conflict, arguing.

Word Count: 0.9k.

Masterlist

A/N: I read the very first lines of this @charliemwrites fic and this came to my mind. I haven’t read the rest yet, but inspo from them. Also, please send in requests. I’m desperate for ideas.

The sound of gunfire wasn’t foreign. Not to Simon. However, even with ear coverage, the headache couldn’t be stopped. The adrenaline of the bloodshed kept his mind off the pain. It was moments like these where his mind was empty and only set on surviving and carrying out the mission.

Simon’s back hit the wall as he took a brief breather before he busted into the room, firing at the first man he saw in a Shadow uniform. His gun was aimed at the wrong person at the wrong time because he was quickly met with a hit, sending him to the ground with a groan of pain. He tried to shoot whoever the perpetrator was, but the enemy pried the rifle from his hands and pinned him to the ground, holding their own gun to his head. All Simon could see were the soldier’s eyes, but even those let off more emotion than would be ideal in a situation like this. Simon struggled, but his struggle did him no good against the body weight of the enemy atop him.

The soldier didn’t shoot, though. That’s why Simon was trying to act fast, as he managed to get his hand out from under the enemy, and he grabbed the knife on his leg and lodged it into the man’s thigh. Instinctively, the stranger yelled out and slammed the handgun down against the lieutenant's head. The mask cracked and Simon cringed in pain.

“You fuckin’ piece of shit!” The soldier yelled, and he angrily ripped the mask from the other man’s face. He tore everything off Simon's face, destroying his comm and headset, ripping the balaclava, and using the broken mask to stab him in the shoulder. Simon fought him, tossing his head around to stop him and even grabbing him by the face to make him let go. The soldier pointed the gun back at Simon’s bare forehead. He held Simon’s wrist tightly, stabbing the other piece of his mask into his palm, making Simon let go.

As the enemy’s rage calmed and his breathing steadied, his hand wavered. His eyes widened ever so slightly before sharpening again. “What are you doing here?” His tone was harsh, as if he were talking to a private. Simon took it as a demand in order to win rather than the man’s curiosity.

“You’re a dumb fuck if you think you can get information out of me in the middle of a warzone,” Simon spat out through gritted teeth.

The soldier paused before they lowered their balaclava. Simon’s eyes widened in fear as all the unwanted memories rushed back to him like a tsunami. His breath became labored. Everything he wanted to forget was on top of him, pointing a pistol at his head. He started thrashing more. “Get off of me! Get the hell off of me, you dickhead!” He shouted angrily.

“Stop it,” he says calmly. However, all gentleness was gone when Simon continued to fight. “I said stop!” He punched Simon with his full strength. He grabbed Simon’s face harshly, making him look at him. “You can run. Forget everything bad. But I’ll be damned if you try to forget me, you cowardly bitch. I fought for you. I’m the only reason you lived through your pathetic childhood and you abandoned me. You left me with everything I fought with you through. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you! I could’ve had a happy childhood, but I was too busy fending for your bitch ass.” All that pent-up aggression was being spewed through a tight jaw and angry eyes.

Simon was desperate to get away. He looked like a little boy again, trying to get away from whatever his father brought home. “I had to! You don’t get it!” Another hit from the gun shut Simon up. The lieutenant knew exactly what he had done was wrong, and he knew that the man in front of him had every right to be angry. Even though Simon was the reason his youth was corrupted, they never split. He was like a brother to him. One who helped him through all, yet Simon left him with everything the other protected him from.

The soldier got back to his feet and pulled his mask back up. He turned around and was ready to walk away from his opponent, unable to pull the trigger, even though he was overwhelmed with a burning hatred for Simon. Angry at him for putting him through his fucked-up family even though they weren’t related. He still had the urge to protect him.

“Fuck you, Simon. I hope it all comes back to you at night. I hope it keeps you up.” He grumbled as he limped out of the room, leaving Simon there on the floor.

[shotmrmiller]

Hello, I just wanted to say that I have been unable to get CoD multiverse out of my head since I discovered it and I need to say that the way you write is immaculate and I'm obsessed! But tbh I think all of your writing is amazing, makes it difficult for me to focus on anything else when you post 🩵

Btw. I do wonder...do you think that after both 09 wife and 22 Ghost pass, they reunite somwhere? Moreover, do you think they'd also reunite with 09 Ghost? I haven't been able to stop thinking about what it would be like and if 09 wife would spend the afterlife solely with 22 Ghost or if they'd all kind of hang out together (sorry if this sounds silly)

thank you for your kind words !!!

im so tempted to say no.

09 wife is too good— the exact opposite of Simon. His hands are soaked in blood, he knows where he's going.

But that's just me because i like sad stuff.

-

09 Wife reunites with 09 Ghost when her time comes. He embraces her as he tells her that he's not upset that she found happiness where he no longer was (kind of) and that it's what he wanted for her.

He takes her home.

When 22 Ghost shows up months later, he's greeted by 09 Ghost.

He takes 22 Ghost home to her, after putting him in his place for treating her the way that he did in the beginning.

She chides 09 Ghost as she presses a frozen bag of peas onto 22 Ghost's swollen eye but he remains unrepentant.

He deserved it.

22 Ghost agrees. I did.

They all live together comfortably in their cozy little home and wait for their family to join them.

She cries when she sees her youngest a couple of years later at the shore and prays that no more of her children come home this soon again.

[juvenillia]

~ tangled series ~ part 2

Simon 'Ghost' Riley x fem!reader x John 'Soap' MacTavish

summary: Simon needs some distraction after Johnny is away on a mission for a longer time. So he finds him a casual ons, but just like his partner before he found something different and things become even more complicated.

a/n: Welcome back to part 2 of the tangled series. This time I got a bit carried away but I hope you like it. So yeah still porn with plot, but this time more plot.

cw/tw: suggestive content, pure smut , bi!Soap, bi!Ghost, Ghoap, flirting, petnames, piv, unprotected sex, fingering, drinking, open relationship/situationship, catcalling,

worcount: 5.5k

》Masterlist《 》 Read on AO3 《 》Master Post《

Everything turned out to be easier with Johnny at his side. Sure, as hell, that missions became somehow more strained. Simon always wanted to protect all his teammates, no matter the fact that he knew fairly well that every one of the 141 were extremely capable of their tasks. Still, he couldn’t bear the thought of losing even one of them. And as soon as Johnny and him reached an agreement on their relationship terms, Simon became more restless considering the thought of getting the Scot injured. Everyone he ever let get close to him had to follow the sad fate of dying sooner than expected. Always too soon. Maybe that was the reason that Ghost didn’t accept on a serious relationship with him. Maybe that’s why they sorted things out and agreed on a kind of ‘friends with benefits situationship’, with no strings attached. Even if they were more attached than both actually saw.

That’s also the reason he wasn’t feeling alright. He felt more anxious, more at edge lately. Usually, he would drop by that specific Scot to keep his demons at bay. Simon could simply search out for his presence to make himself feel better, but since Soap needed to head out three weeks ago, there was simply no possibility to do so. The radio silence only exacerbated the tension and his nightmares. He couldn’t stay relaxed on leave when he didn’t know how his not-boyfriend was doing right now. What if Simon could change something about the situation? No, Price wanted him to rest after the last operation that took way longer than it was planned.

Maybe all that lead him to this situation. He was seated at a bar he frequented a lot of times when on leave. It wasn’t too far away from the base, just in case. He booked a hotel nearby because drinking and driving is irresponsible. And just like this he spent the nights in the ‘Downunder’. A pub that was run by Steven. Steven was a bit older than him, the owner, and bartender. He did know a lot about good whisky’s, always had a joke at hand, and most important he granted Simon his peace. He could sit there the whole night, listening to talks from strangers, sometimes some good live music, and just sit in silence. Sure, he got approached by some woman and dudes, mostly asking him about the mask, the black skull balaclava he always wore. But most of the times it was calm, and he could drown his thoughts with alcohol, and the best about it, nobody knew him here. Sure, there were some regulars that remembered his mask, but they went after their business and left the Brit alone. Nobody knew his name, or what he was doing for a living.

It was a usual Saturday when he found himself in these familiar surroundings. His glance was on the screen of his phone as he sat at the bar. Pinned on the little last seen status from Johnny that still told him a date about three weeks ago. A deep sigh left his throat. “Tough night?” an unfamiliar voice dragged his attention up. It wasn’t the usual bearded man greeting him behind the bar, it was a younger woman wearing a gentle smile, just polishing a whisky glass. His brows furrowed at the sight, what earned him a quite chuckle from you. “Stevie had a family emergency, so he asked me to fill in for tonight.” You simply placed the glass in front of him. Simon only nodded, somehow annoyed for need to get used to a new person, especially while he was in such an unsettled mood right now. “So, Dalmore Port or Craigellachie?” You placed your palm flat on the wooden counter, next to the still empty glass.

Simon tilted his head slightly and his brows arched even more. “Dalmore Port,” he answered stern, as you turned on your heel with a sweet hum to pull out the bottle and pour him a good glass of the desired drink.

“Not quite the chatter, huh?” you said while shoving the glass over in front of him, your soft smile never leaving your features.

He pulled his mask up only the slightest to reveal the perfect shaped jawline covered in a subtle stubble. Only high enough that the glass could meet his lips, as he shook his head no. “What a shame. Usually, people that sit at the bar are up to talks. But that’s your loss then,” you chimed teasingly throwing him a wink, as you turned your attention to another customer approaching the bar. Simon watched your every movement and something about you got him hooked. The way you talked so melodic, the way you gracefully moved along the bar to prepare the desired drinks. Maybe it wasn’t that bad that Steven wasn’t here. Maybe you were a fresh breeze of distraction for his mind.

From time to time, you tried to start an easy chat with him, but he only shortcut the answers. Somehow distant, still not so fond of the getting to know you part. Still, your features never even faltered a bit, like a natural beam of sunshine. Simon started to ask himself, how a fragile, soft, and pretty figure like you could work in such a place. Stevie entrusted you with the place he called his second child, but what would happen if things escalated? You wouldn’t be able to handle a bar fight, so Simon made sure to spend the whole night here. Just in case, and definitely not for any other reason than that. He knew better than that. Did he though?

That way it was already about one in the morning when the band packed up and left the bar and most of the customers left with them. Only a biker squad at one of the larger tables, something that looked like a bachelor party of some businessmen at another table and some random lonely dudes were left. Simon was one of them. That’s when the bachelor party demanded a larger order for shots and beers and asked if you’d bring them over. The pure nature you were you agreed on it. Nothing unusual to be honest. So, you grabbed a tablet and placed everything on it and made your way over the table. It was the very first time Simon were able to get a concrete look at your whole statue. A pair of black skinny jeans paired with a tight turtleneck that left nothing to the imagination. The little apron wrapped around your waist hugged your curves perfectly fine, as you swayed your hips naturally while walking over the table. Eventually Simon drowned his drink at the sight, before quickly adjusting his mask again.

As you crossed the table from the biker squad, one of the bulky tattooed men whistled after you. It made Simon’s jaw clench, but you just turned gracefully around, not spilling even a drop of liquor in the turn. “I know you like what you see, no need to remind me, Marcus,” you chimed while turning back to your actual direction. Simon’s jaw was still locked. You bend down to the table from the already quite drunken bachelor party and placed the glasses around for each member, before straightening up again. “There you go.” You still wore that same sweet smile.

Just as you turned once more to head back to the bar as one of those men took grip of your wrist. “Why don’t cha stay here, sweetheart.” One of them whined while pulling you back. Tension built in the back of Simon’s muscles, as he watched the scene. Preparing himself to step in.

A sigh left your throat as you tried to keep the happy face up. “Feeling honored, but I still have other customers to serve,” you stated soft. Not moving an inch.

“Nah, they can rot. Stay here.” He pulled you closer that you needed to bend over again, being on eyelevel with the drunken man.

That was the moment when Simon stood up from his place. Eyes glaring at the situation in front of him. But before he stepped in, he noticed the sudden change in your voice. “Sit,” you ordered with such a stoic voice that the man in front of you loosen the grip around your wrist and you straightened your back once more. Such an unexpected tone for your sunshine nature. Simon didn’t know if your order was aimed at him, but he also didn’t realize that the guy from earlier, Marcus was his name, also stood up. Who now slowly sat down again. Simon still stood there, not averting his gaze from you. Your posture was different to before, tense but not frightened. “Listen hun…” Your arms folded over your chest. “I don’t care who you think you are, but you’re nothing more than a cockroach here. If you get on my nerves, you’ll be escorted and not in the way you’d like to.” Your voice was so cold. The man in front of you only gulped. A mischievous grin growing on your lips, your hand slowly moved alongside your curves. “Besides, that’s nothing you could ever afford,” you remarked with more cockiness laying in your tone, before heading back to the bar again.

Simon sat back at his place before you returned. “Impressive…” he stated as he still watched every move you made. It earned him a soft chuckle, as you once more winked at him.

“Maybe I just wanted to impress you.” With that statement he felt his cheeks burn. He was really glad that his mask was neatly in place, but still, he couldn’t suppress a low laugh escaping his throat. You reminded him so much of something he missed too much. Just a bit softer, a bit more elegant but as much of a tease and flirt as the Scot.

The rest of the night went on without any more incidents. All customers left the bar sometime after, and that’s how Simon found himself in the cold and dark night in front of the pub. It took you about forty-five minutes to close and clean up. During those forty-five minutes he could’ve walked away, he could’ve simply decided to leave. And still he found himself leaned against a streetlamp, as he decided to insist to walk you home. Making sure you’d arrive save at home. It was an urge he couldn’t fight. He ignited a fag and waited those minutes until he recognized your figure. A smile crept on your face as you took notice of him.

You slowly approached him. “No Mrs. waiting for you?” you asked jokingly while closing your jacket.

“Nah.” That’s the first time he gave some information about him away. His mouth was quicker than his mind. Your intoxicating smile made it hard for him to contain himself, the alcohol rushing through his veins did the rest. His answer made your smile grew.

“I see.” You reached out to steal the fag from his grip to take a drag yourself. The smile never leaving your features as you could feel his intense glance onto you. Eventually you could witness a low growl escaping his throat before he shook his mind clear.

“So, what’s the plan mysterious stranger?” You teased while exhaling a thick cloud of smoke. “You gonna drag me to an alley and kill me?” You passed the cigarette back to him and the corner of his lips tugged up.

“Thought ‘f walking ya home, to prevent that exact incident.” He took another drag of the cigarette and could feel a slight burn in his abdomen as he tasted your sweet lip balm on the cigarette.

“A true gentleman, huh?” You grinned “Or a serial killer.”

“Up to ya to find out.” Now it was his time to tease, and it only ignited something within you.

“Good then that I don’t actual live here.” You winked at him as you started to walk into the direction of your temporally home. Simon trailed close behind.

You walked in completely silence, somehow you were too tense to speak right now. He indeed made you nervous now. It wasn’t like you never brought someone over after a long shift or hooked up with someone in a bar. It wasn’t that regular, only guys that somehow really caught your attention. What didn’t happen so often. But this masked man had something on him, that pulled you under his spell. Something you didn’t feel so often.  Rounding a few corners before your stood in front of a not so cozy motel. He insisted to guide you up to your door, and you didn’t argue. How could you when his eyes already burned themselves into your brain.

That way you found yourself in front of the door to your room. “Thanks. Mind to tell me your name, that I can show my gratitude?” You smiled while facing him. Looking in those deep dark orbs his eyes were. He didn’t answer, instead he placed his index finger and thumb under your chin to tilt it up only the slightest. His eyes never leaving yours. The breath got caught into your throat while your lips slightly parted.

Usually he would pull back, call it a night, and give in to his demons. But not tonight. Tonight, he found a soul that could distract him as much as only Johnny could. And he needed that. It was selfish, it was something he didn’t like to do. But what could possibly go wrong? Nothing? Johnny himself did hook up with a girl at some time in their relationship – no situationship. They were okay with it, so why shouldn’t Simon for once have something good for himself.

He stepped forward, invading your personal space while leaning in. His glance still pinned onto yours. “No names,” he breathed out, while his free hand pulled at the hem of his mask. Once more only the slightest to reveal his lips. His eyes checking onto your glance, only to look for hint of hesitation.

“That comes at a price.” Your lips were formed into a smile as you closed the gap. He didn’t care about a price to pay, right now he only wanted this, he wanted you. His grip on your chin tightened as his other hand found your back to pull you closer to deepen the kiss. The sensation in his guts literally burning himself as he tasted your lips, while he already felt his pants tighten. It wasn’t a rough, sloppy kiss, but so passionate. It left you breathless as you parted to open the door. You walked backwards, eyes never leaving the intense glance from the behemoth of a man in front of you. He kicked the door shut as he followed you in.

Both of you removed your jackets as it turned too hot in here anyways. And in an instant, he was back on you. His calloused hands gripping on your waist while you clung around his neck. Slightly slipping under the mask to feel some strains of his hair, while your kisses turned more heated. Until you caught his lower lips between your teeth, and he let out a deep groan that sent shivers down your spine. Back was the grin full of mischief on your lips.

“Mask stays on, I suppose,” you teased while pulling away from him. Slowly walking over to the bed and pulling your turtleneck over your head to reveal your upper body, left only in an all-black laced bra.

“Affirmative,” he stated trailing behind you. A slight giggle run over your lips as you sat on the bed. Reaching out to him to pull him on top of you as you laid down. He followed your lead without hesitation. He was huge, you could feel the bulge in his trousers brushed over your sensitive spot as he leaned down to let his tongue slip into your mouth. You let out a moan at his demanding movements as his hands roamed down your body. His beefy hands felt so rough against your soft skin, and still it was a feeling you somehow missed a lot. He couldn’t help himself but started to grind his hips against your clothed crotch. “’m gonna take ma time with ya.” His hot breath brushed over your skin as he leaned down to place open mouthed kisses along your neck. Your hands found his brawn shoulders as your nails dig in.

Another deep moan escaped your throat as he suddenly stopped. You looked with lust blown pupils and a raised pair brow at him. His lips curled up in a cocky smile. He pulled his hoodie over his head, without disturbing the mask, which stayed magically neatly in place. Just to reveal a tight compression shirt, that clung to his toned body just perfectly. Revealing a tattoo sleeve at one arm and some scars across his skin. One of his hands cupped your breast, when you could hear his deep voice once more. “Ya know the traffic light system.” His hands squeezed your breast as the other took grip of your hip. You nodded eagerly. “Use ya words, luv,” he teased with his thumb along your waistband.

 “Green keep going. Yellow break. Red stop.”, Your breath hitched in the back of your lungs as you felt your body filling with anticipation.

“Good gurl,” he praised, his eyes trailing down your body as he licked over his lips at the sight.

As he fumbled with your trousers to free you, you got a good sight of his hardened member that would await you later. You raised your hips to make it easier for him to took them off, and instant of lowering them again, he pressed your legs up, placing his mouth onto your panties. It earned him another sweet moan. He was way too turned on from the way you reacted to him as he held your legs in place.

“So wet f’ me already.” He pulled your panties aside to let his tongue run through your folds, while one of his fingers circled around your hole.

“Fuck,” you cried out and he once more stopped.

He placed another finger next to your hole, let them get soaked with your liquid. “Color, luv,” he said with such an endearing and at the same time demanding tone, it made your hips thrust.

“Green.” You quickly answered to finally feel the needed friction. And without hesitation he pushed inside while his mouth started to suck at your clit. It made your back arch. It was ridiculous how fast a familiar burn built up in your stomach. The combination of his sucking and his fingers pushing and curling inside you already brought you so close.

Your hands wandering down to grip onto his hair, but you only found the fabric of his mask. “Nuhuh. Be a good gurl f’ me.” It made you moan out as he stopped his movement again. Edging you when you were already out of breath. From the grin he wore you assumed he know fairly well what he did to you. You nodded, as your hands trailed to the sides of you gripping on the sheets. “Better,” he said while he placed his mouth onto you again. “Taste so bloody fuckin’ delicious,” he moaned against your clit while he added another of his beefy fingers to your insides. He could feel how your whole body trembled and how your walls started to clench around his digits. “Cum f’ me, luv.” he groaned while the pace of his digits picked up. And just as he demanded you did, without hesitation. His fingers slowed down as he guided you through your first orgasm. “Gonna be a long bloody night,” he said while sitting back, sucking his fingers clean from your cum. Letting your legs down as you caught your breath.

The now free hand stroked over his clothed cock, that already started twitching at the delicate sight in front of him. You sit carefully up to face him properly. A smile planted on your face. A smile full of mischief. “I hope so,” you stated while moving to sit on your knees. Fumbling with his belt. He instantly pulled you into a deep kiss again and you could taste yourself on his tongue. His mask was soaked in your liquids as much as your panties. A little souvenir you’d grant him. Something he was already grateful for, because he literal could grow addicted to your scent, to your taste. Something he wouldn’t let happen, but right now it was alright. Right now, in the heat of the moment he let it happen and enjoyed it.

Kneeling before him on the mattress you reached out to free his cock, distracted from the dizzying kisses he continued to assault you with. When he finally sprang free you leant down to take him in your mouth, only to startle as he laid down, tugging you with him. His strong arms maneuvering you to sit backwards on his face, letting you brace your hands against his abdomen as he mouthed at your cunt. Licking the drops of pre up from his glossy tip made the behemoth of a man moan deeply beneath you. He instantly started to eat you out once more as you carefully placed your lips around his length. Taking in as much as your throat granted you. Gagging a few times, what only made his member twitch and his mouth groan against your sensitive spot. It didn’t take long until you started to grind yourself over his mouth.

His hands firmly placed onto your ass, squeezing it all so often while one of his fingers circled around the hole that wasn’t occupied by his mouth. He only pulled away for a second when you already spoke up. “Green, god damn.”Before taking his dick back into your throat. Your reaction made him laugh, before he returned to his task. Completely ruining his face with your cum. It was the second time when he pushed you over the edge so effortlessly, it made tears build up in the corner of your eyes from pure pleasure. You needed more; you needed him.

You turned around to place you above his dripping cock, but before you could lower yourself, he switched places with you. Manhandling you like you weighted nothing, and he was between your legs on top of you. “ ‘m not finished with ya.,” he growled while his mouth found yours again. Wiggling his trousers completely of him when his length brushed over your folds.

“Need that. Please,” you whined as the desperate demand in you grew higher. The deep chuckle could be heard once more.

“Such a needy pretty thing.” He let his hard cock once more slide over your cunt. “Ya think ya ready to take me.” One of his hands stroke over your hair, that was slightly dump from the sweat.

You nodded, before you remembered what he wanted to hear. “Green,” you said with a smile. And he looked down at you. His eyes filled with so much lust but at the same time there was adoration hidden behind the darkness of his pupils.

He placed a soft kiss onto your forehead. “That’s ma gurl,” he praised while his teeth locked around your earlobe. He slowly pushed the tip inside and immediately could feel your back arch. He kept him steady on top of you, not lowering himself completely. “Gonna ruin ya f’ any other man out there,” he committed as he pushed deeper and deeper. You whined out at his thickness. “Hush. Ya can take it. I know it.” His soft tone with the lustful deep voice sent you into an addictive haze.

It took him some time to button out, and as soon as you adjusted and gave him another green light he started with an unforgettable pace. “That’s it, luv.” His hands were still on your head, keeping you to face him while he thrusted inside you until you started to see stars. You felt so god damn full and good. The room filled with the lewd sounds of skin smacking against each other combined with his sweet praises. You didn’t know how long it took till you felt his thrusts grew sloppy; you didn’t know how many more orgasms he pulled out of you until then. But the moment came, and you could feel how his body started to give in. Clinging onto yours for the sake of his own life.

That’s when you started to trace lazy circled around his neck. “Just let go,” you said softly with the rest of energy your body held. “Cum inside of me, darling.” Your voice pushing him closer, as he buried his face into the crook of your neck. Arms slung around you, holding you steady as his thrusts grew slower, but deeper than before. Pushing the spongy spot inside of you. Completely overstimulated you didn’t know if you could just come another time, but it didn’t matter to you. “I wanna feel it.” You assured him one more time, before he completely let go and painted your walls with his cum. Your head falling further back into the pillow as you felt his release.

He collapsed onto you, while your hands stroked over his sweaty body. He needed to pull out, still he couldn’t bring himself to. It was too comfortable, too warm. He could still feel your walls clenching around him. Your voice was the only thing that made him pull back. “Yellow, darling. I think I can’t take anymore.” Your words were filled with so much endearment. It let his stomach turn as he started to clean you and himself up. Not caring about anything, before collapsing onto bed once more.

His head laying onto your bare chest, while his hand took grip around your waist. ”Ya did so good f’ me, luv”. You placed a kiss onto the sweaty fabric of his balaclava.

“Thank you, mysterious stranger.” You giggled when he couldn’t suppress a small laugh. Why did it feel so good and familiar? It was what scared him a bit, but as soon as darkness washed over his sight, he couldn’t care about it anymore. After three weeks he finally found some peace and rest again. Laying here in your arms, where no nightmare could bring him any harm. He was safe.

Simon wasn’t used to one night stands, well not to those ones where he couldn’t bring himself to leave. Usually, he would stay awake till his hook up fell asleep to sneak out of the apartment. But with you? He couldn’t leave. So just like that he woke up the next morning, or better said late afternoon. He couldn’t remember when he slept this long, apart from the time the both of you went to sleep anyway. The scent of freshly brewed coffee woke him up. You stood into the little kitchenette, only a fresh pair of panties and an oversized hoodie.

“Good mornin’ darling,” you chimed while bringing a coffee over to him. As he took the mug, he realized how fucked up this whole situation was. What was if that lead to something wrong? Something he couldn’t provide you with. Something that he swore to Johnny he couldn’t agree on. You could literally see the turns in his head, and just placed another kiss on the stained mask. “Don’t worry. This can stay a casual fling between two strangers,” you cooed with a soft giggle, and he nodded.

Still, when he arrived at his hotel later that day, his head hurt as much as his heart ached. Not because of the alcohol, nor because of the guilt he slept with you. It was of the fact that something in him wanted it to be more. Just like Simon wanted it to be more with Johnny than just a casual fling. But he couldn’t let that happen. He wouldn’t corrupt you into the mess his life was. And he wouldn’t break Johnny’s heart. With you it was easier. He would always hold tight to that night in his memory. Especially when he didn’t have so many memories to think back in happiness. But he hadn’t to face you again, he didn’t even know your name. He could easily return to his life. With this mental note he spent the last few days of his leave alone in a hotel room with the sheer memory of your breathtaking smile and that intoxicating scent, and how good this one would mix with the scent of his beloved Scot.

It was now about two months ago when things settled again. Johnny came back together with their Captain, and everything was alright. Simon’s mind could finally calm down. Even if his dreams often sent him back to that night with you. But right now, there were more important things to do. Price got back with an injury that didn’t allow him to get back to work. So, Ghost had to fill in his position for some time. Nothing he wasn’t used to. But what he wasn’t used to is when this time passed the four-week mark and the three members of the 141 started to worry about their Captain. So, Kyle reached out to him to ask about his status and was somehow surprised when John did invite the three men over for a dinner at his home. Just to catch up about the important things and plan a bit ahead.

That’s how Simon pulled the car into a driveway of a cozy looking home. The drive to their Captain home was filled with heavy assumptions from Kyle and Johnny how he would live, if there would be kids running around and stuff like that. But they had lost all their assumptions as soon as the door opened and they saw a weak looking John, a cast around his left arm and a loop to hold it steady in place. “Come on in boys,” he said while guiding them into a warm living room which also served as dining room. Everyone took a place at the table and soon the three were kind of confused, because the table was prepared for five people, not only for the four of them.

“Is Kate coming?” Kyle asked with a teasing tone, as he took the chair at the head of the table. Simon and Johnny sat down next to each other at the window side, while John sat next to an empty chair, who only shook his head no.

“You’ll see soon enough,” he sighed a bit tense.

Simon pulled out some papers and maps as they chatted a bit about some reports and the last operations until they heard a door open another time. John tilted his head into the direction of the sound. “Need a helping a hand, sunshine?”

“One doesn’t quite do the job.” A muffled female voice echoed through the hallway.

“I have six more to lend now,” he said jokingly as the steps grew louder. The anticipation within the boys only growing. But the image in front of them let their blood run cold. Never had they expected the sight of you walking over to the dining table with your usual sweet smile. Simon could feel a rope lacing around his throat as he was unable to breath. Kyle blinked in utter confusion as you bend over John's shoulder and greeted the men in front of you.

“You’re a bad host John. Not even offering them drinks?” You punched his healthy shoulder playfully. Johnny could’ve sworn he needed to throw up. He never thought he would be able to see you again. The chances were so low, and he was sure if the fates were in his favor, he would be thrilled about it, but now he was only nauseous. Your glance wandered over the table and sigh left your throat. “John…” You straightened, and he mirrored your concerned filled face. “You promised me, no work tonight.”

“Yeah, sunny, you’re right.” The smile growing back on your face as your glance trailed over the boys. “We put it away, right boys?”, the be said men only nodded tense as you winked at them.

“So, three whiskeys, I suppose?” You ruffled through John’s short hair teasingly. Before turning back to the head of the table. “And a beer?” A mischievous smile on your lips before you turned on your heel to get said drinks.

The boys only stared after you, mouths slightly agape. “Stop it.” John had to clear his throat to drag them back into the here and now. Kyle and Johnny only exchanged some quick glances, as Simon sat there in completely silence, his glance still pinned onto you from the corner of his eyes. Nobody thought that things got to be this tangled, but right now, they eventually started to regret a few things, because you were right. Things always had a price.

taglist: open just leave a comment

@cooliofango @ghostslillady @anothersimpsblog

[hunterbunter3000]

I think it's also about the way sweetheart touches them. She's gentle with them, which is something rare for absolutely all of them. Sweetheart doesn't assume because they're in the military that they don't need kindness and support and delicate hands. She knows they already think that they don't deserve anything like that so when she sees them wanting it and craving it, she is so willing to give. Her love cup is so full for her team and the people she cares for.

She handles ghost like he's still just Simon Riley, a sad kid deep down. Sweetheart offers up affection that she can just feel is so foreign to him. Yes he can take care of himself but everybody knows it doesn't extend beyond the basics and she takes time to try to heal his aches and pains that he's gotten so used to living with

She's delicate with price, knowing how hard he's worked to keep the team alive and well. How most of the time, he gets no recognition for his efforts. Sure, she teases him and calls him an old man when he complains about his back but in the same breath is offering a massage to get the ever present knot out

She's attentive with soap, hating how he looks like a sad puppy when people try to brush him off as a loud and brash grown up child. She wants him to hold on to that because she knows if it goes away, he'll seem like a shell of himself. She's seen what too long in the field can do to someone like johnny and how it can change them for the worst so she always encourages his jokes and such.

She helps gaz as much as she can. She sees how he pushes himself and how it sometimes ends up in neglect of himself. How many meals has he missed due to trying to just get one more thing done? How many hours of sleep has he skipped to try to figure something out? With a firm hand, she always guides him into taking care of himself and to give himself a much needed break.

IM RAMBLING IM SORRY

AAA NOOO DONT BE SORRY- DONT EVER BE SORRY FOR RAMBLING THIS IS AMAZING 💖✨️✨️💕

(I'm terribly sorry this took so long- BUT GARRICK'S IS PRETTY LONG SO ITS A WIN WIN-)

But holy cow I agree with this so much

Tw: mentions of depression, insecurities, trust issues

I'm really gonna start with Soap because what you said is her biggest fear. She cares deeply for Mactavish and always pays a little bit more attention to him than the others because of that terror.

It would be a nightmare if she didn't see the life in his eyes anymore. Her heart was already broken when her second uncle came back a zombie from being in the army. Didn't talk to anyone, and if he did he would always snap at them. He loved his family still. He really did. But the happiness, and the compassion was gone. He couldn't let go of the guilt, of the regret he had in his choices. He didn't really talk about it, but when he did Sweetheart could see the black tar oozing out of his mouth. All the internal pain and suffering. She doesn't want to see Soap be like that, since their personalities are quite similar. Fun, chipper, determined and kind. She will protect his internal being with everything she has, just like she did with her uncle. So she will always laugh at his jokes and add on to them, making them both double over. She will always stand up for him when someone calls him loud and brash. Telling him it's okay to express yourself how you want to.

If she fails, if she even sees the shine leave his eyes for a second, she knows she failed her uncle again and will never be the same.

--

Now with Ghost-- GOOAAHHHHDDDD he needs all the hugs and cheek kisses he can get (and really just hugs) he doesn't like to be touched unless he knows you knows you (kinda like König and Roach) it took Sweetheart a WHILEE to get close to Ghost. Yes, he did have a small soft spot for her, but he would NOT let her touch him. It took like five months just to let her touch his shoulder. Because of his insane trust issues and paranoia, he didn't let her get close. He couldn't. He couldn't risk getting hurt from Sweetheart. Kind, charming, thoughtful, Sweetheart. Caring, strong, smart, Sweetheart. He craved for her touch so badly that he knew it was what he needed, but he couldn't handle the pain afterward. But there was no pain when she first hugged him when he came out of that explosion alive. There was no pain when she held his hand through his panic attack. There was just warmth. And love. Through every touch she gave him, it spoke of love and care. She gave him time. She gave him so much patience so he could trust her. So he could love her. And he does.

Price-- that man deserves a hundred medals I swear. As you said, he gets no recognition of his effort from anyone, because that's what he's supposed to do. He's supposed to get everyone out alive, he's supposed to succeed everytime. It's just built in the job with that expectation. But Sweetheart knows in order to keep that kind of task going, he needs support. And my god, does she give it to him. Always patting him on the back and saying good job. Checking for any injuries, and if there are, she would fix them. Listening to anything he's talking about and giving her opinions on it. Giving him some tea and something to eat if he's up late. And just giving him any form of affirmation. He deserves it. He deserves all the support, the back rubs, the massages and the teasing, the tea and the naps, all of it. And Price is so grateful for it. If she wasn't there for him, no one would be.

Kyle. Gaz. Garrick. Goodness, that boy has put so many expectations on himself that NO ONE ELSE has put on him. It's weighing him down. Since he's the youngest and has less experience than everyone else, he thinks that he has to catch up to everyone else or be better than them in order for people to see him. See him being one of the members of Task Force 141. The best of the best, right? Like Sweetheart? How she carries herself through chaos, how she handles dire situations, how well she works with others, how physically, mentally, and emotionally strong she is? Can he be skilled like Sweetheart? Calm and collected like Ghost? Well-armed like Soap? He doesn't know. His insecurities are always getting the best of him, making him forget to brush his teeth. Or eat breakfast. Or even get out of bed. Is he even fit to be on this team? Sweetheart knocks on his door. Is he even worthy? She knocks again. He has so much to catch up on. She opens his door. How will he catch up to them? She sighs, walking towards his curled up figure on his bed. He's in their shadow. Maybe he should leave. Sweetheart comes into his view, shocking him. She has a slight concerning face, but more anger than anything. Angry that he hasn't been taking care of himself. Concerned on why he hasn't been taking care of himself. She grabs his hand and brings it to her lips, closing her eyes. His entire body feels warm. Awake. She breathes in and opens her eyes back up. She urges him to get up. Get up and take a shower. His brain says no, but his body is moving subconsciously. She waits outside the Men's Bath Unit until he's done. She waits for him, quite closely, when he's brushing his teeth; Sweetheart tells him not to forget to brush his molars. She waits for him when he dresses himself in clean clothes, still in the same room as him, just turned. She waits for him to finish eating a big breakfast, which he eats fully. All with silence. All with a neutral face. Yet her actions are firm. Caring. Helpful. She sits him down on his now cleaned bed, the help of Sweetheart, and they just... talk. Talk about what's been going on, talk about why he feels this way, and when. It helps. She's giving her opinions on what he can do to be better, but it's up to him to take them. She sighs, eyes studying him. 'I hope I'm not crossing any boundaries with you. But I couldn't sit aside and let you make yourself disappear. Especially when you're valued as a teammate and a friend.' She says. Gaz feels like crying. And he does. He hugs so tightly. Tight enough that she could feel his appreciation through his touch. He's thankful that she saw him. And she continues to see him.

[gomzwrites]

Okay can I share something rq? I don’t care if only 4 people sees this but-

You know what I like about with fanfic especially the ones with Ghost?

Is how there’s a distinct difference between the type of readers he’s paired with, and all of them are good by the way. I just really wanted to share my own thoughts.

On one hand when Ghost gets paired with civilians readers, its really nice and sweet to see like, the most human interaction ever. Like yes, we all know Ghost is fucked up and shit due to the ptsd and his extremely sad background but in the end, he’s still just a guy, just a human like all of us that still craves desserts, a guy that makes silly puns(albeit dark), a guy that still tries to behave like a civilian despite having a hard time to do so. So reading the fluff type, you know the ones that calls Ghost Simon, its really cute for me because the readers are reminding him who he is, reaching out for the softest part of him in their own ways, to remind him that despite all the trauma, the pain and misery, that there is always some light in life that’s worth living for.

Then the ones that pairs Ghost with an equally traumatised or broken reader(like military/spies/agent or something else) are always my favourite, the way the writers clearly illustrate the interactions and paint a picture really sends me. Because in a way, its like when two broken people try to find “love” in their own method, its comforting to know that hey as broken as one can be, someone out there understands and sees your pain, sees the ugliness and acknowledge them. And actually tries(consciously or not)to initiate or form a bond.

I dont know how to say it but its like, whenever I see those fics I just like to watch how its like Ghost and reader picking up broken pieces of theirselves and planting it over each other, to make their own version, their own definition of love. Cause like, in the end that’s all that’s matters isn’t it? Like who cares if the relationship is rocky or kind of fucked up, in the end they’re just trying to have whatever the hell “love” is based on their own understanding.

ITS LIKE- *shakes uncontrollably* I DONT KNOW LIKE it feels so cool to see those kind of stories, like fuCK it hits me so deeply.

Someday I wish I can portray that level of intimacy and feelings in my own writings. Its really poetic and inspiring to see those kind of fic. Regardless, in the end its just a fictional character, so really you as the creator can write and pair him with any type of person you want, just have fun and all ya know? Also sorry if this whole thing is a mess, English is not my main language XDDD

[enjoythesilentworld]

Simon's Month - Secrets

day 15 <3 @youngroyals-events

Simon is trying to figure out why Wille is acting so damn weird lately, confessing random, rather inconsequential secrets.

read below or on ao3 (T, 1.6k)

Something is definitely up with Wille. Simon can’t exactly figure out what it is, but he’s been acting like a fucking idiot lately — more so than usual — and it’s starting to be a little concerning. After twenty years of being friends, and five years of living together, Simon has seen his fair share of odd behavior from Wille.

For example, the man refuses to put his socks in the dryer. He also refuses to give an explanation, but their apartment always seems to have socks hanging up everywhere, allegedly “drying”. Wille also sleep walks, and Simon has had to stop him many times from walking out the front door, or from emptying their trash bin onto the floor. A few times, Simon’s just pulled his sleepwalking best friend into bed with him, so then at least Simon can keep a closer eye on him. Wille gets weirdly emotional at commercials, has a horrible addiction to collecting little knick-knacks, and buys them yearly memberships to the aquarium. The last one isn’t that weird, because they both love the aquarium, but it feels a bit ridiculous because they never end up going enough to make the cost worth it. Wille is adamant about it, though.

Amongst his odd things, Wille is also one of the greatest people Simon’s met. He is a surprisingly good chef, despite his rich-kid status, he always has an extra sweater (Simon’s always forgetting one), and he’s so perceptive of Simon’s thoughts and feelings. Simon gets a bit stubborn sometimes when he’s feeling sad or angry, but Wille is impressively good at reading it on him and carefully easing him into talking about it. He always says hippie things about bottling up emotions only leading to fiery explosions (though Simon’s pretty sure he just stole all the lines from Maddie). He knows exactly what Simon’s thinking or feeling a lot of the time, as does Simon about Wille.

There is one little emotion that Wille has not been able to read on Simon. That emotion being, well, head-over-heels, all-consuming, mind-wrecking love. Aside from not realizing that Simon is in love with him, Wille is a pretty incredible friend, if a little odd.

The extra-oddness had started a few days ago when Wille stumbled home, totally dripping wet and out of breath, and stared at Simon with wide eyes, a puddle forming under him on the wooden floors.

“Hi, Wille,” Simon had chuckled from his spot at the kitchen counter.

Wille had opened and closed his mouth many times, looking a little confused and a little frustrated. It went on for long enough that Simon started to get concerned.

“Wille?”

In a rush of words, Wille burst out, “I’m the one who broke your skateboard when we were 13!”

Simon blinked at him. “Okay. You know that was, like, over ten years ago, right?”

“I just needed to tell you,” Wille gulped, then leaned over and put his hands on his knees, swearing, “Shit.”

“Did you run home in the rain to tell me that?”

“Yeah,” he gasped.

“Alright.” Simon turned back to his bowl of pasta. “Mop that up once you’ve caught your breath, yeah?”

Today, they’re having a quiet working lunch at their favorite café near their apartment when Wille slams his laptop shut. So harshly that Simon flinches, frowning down at the poor piece of technology.

“Wille. Be nice to your laptop. It’s expensive.”

“I need to tell you something,” Wille grits out, voice strained and hands fidgeting over the table. He’s long since abandoned his sandwich, the lettuce wilting sadly beside him.

Simon tilts his head, confused by Wille’s sudden seriousness. “What’s up?”

He chews on his lip nervously, which Simon kind of hates when he does that, because not only does it draw Simon’s attention to Wille’s pretty lips, it also makes him want to reach out and pull the lip free with a gentle thumb. He can’t do that, so instead he places one hand on Wille’s.

Wille drops his voice to a whisper. “I wet the bed until I was six.”

Simon pulls his hand away, a surprised chuckle bubbling out of his chest. “Wille. What?”

“I couldn’t keep it from you any longer.”

“I don’t think that could be something you were actively keeping from me, but I guess I appreciate the honesty.” Simon turns back to his laptop and takes another sip of his coffee. “I already knew that, though. We were already having sleepovers then.”

A few days later, they’re at Felice’s for a game night, all gathered around her big kitchen table, already yelling at each other about rules. Wille is quiet though, and when Simon mouths, “You okay?” at him, Wille shakes his head subtly, then gestures towards the hallway.

Simon follows Wille into the bathroom and quietly closes the door behind them. Wille begins pacing the small pace.

“Hey, hey.” Simon reaches out. “What’s going on? Do you feel a panic attack coming on?”

Wille waves him off. “No, nothing like that.” He’s still pacing.

“Then, what?” Simon asks, confused.

After a moment, Wille finally stops in front of Simon. He starts to chew on his lip again and Simon almost rolls his eyes. Seriously, it’s like he’s doing it on purpose specifically to fuck with Simon’s head.

“What, Wille?”

“I was late to your seventeenth birthday party because I made you a really ridiculous birthday card with tons of glitter and stickers, but then I decided it was stupid so we had to stop by a shop for me to pick up a new one.”

“I wouldn’t have thought a homemade card was stupid,” Simon frowns.

“I know,” Wille groans and throws his head back, scrubbing his hands through his hair. “I know. I don’t know why I threw it out.”

Simon crosses his arms over his chest. “I expect a homemade card for my next birthday, now.”

Wille chuckles, which is an improvement from his previous tenseness. “I can make that happen. I have superior crafting skills.”

“That you do,” Simon grins, then glances at the closed door behind them. “Uhm, did we have to ditch the game for this?”

“Oh, sorry,” Wille mumbles, smiling sheepishly down at his shoes. “I just really wanted to tell you.”

“Thank you for telling me. Almost a decade later.” He squeezes Wille’s shoulders. “Let’s go back out there. I was just about to give Ayub, like, five ‘Take Four’ cards in a row.”

Later that same night, Simon wakes at 4 am to sounds in the living room. He finds a sleep-walking Wille sifting through the collection of picture frames they have scattered across a book shelf. With careful hands, Simon guides Wille back to his own bed, deciding it’s close enough to morning already and this way Simon can make sure he doesn't get up again. Through the sleepy haze of his own mind, he wonders what’s going on with Wille, as he usually only sleepwalks when he’s got something stressful going on in his life. Maybe that’s why he’s been spilling random secrets, too.

That will have to be an investigation for the morning, because by the time he gets Wille tucked in on the left side of the bed and climbs into the other side, Simon’s already falling back asleep.

“I need—” Wille’s quiet, sleep-slurred voice breaks over the rustling of the sheets. “I gotta tell you something.”

“Tell me in the morning,” Simon mumbles, curling up with the duvet, bed made warm by the body next to him. “Sleep now.”

The next morning, or, really, a few hours later, Simon wakes to the morning light filtering through the curtains and falling over the light blue comforter. Wille is still there, and he’s lying on his side, looking at Simon.

“Good morning,” Simon smiles, stretching his legs out under the sheets then turning on his side to face Wille.

“Thanks for corralling me last night,” Wille says. “Was I causing trouble?”

Simon shakes his head the best he can while still lying on his pillow. “No trouble.”

One of Wille’s long fingers traces mindlessly over the mattress between them. He looks pensive, if a little forlorn.

“Wille,” Simon starts slowly, “you really only do this when something is stressing you out. Did something happen or—”

“I need to tell you something,” he interrupts, his voice wavering. He won’t meet Simon’s eye.

“Okay. Can you look at me?”

He looks up.

“Clearly something is going on,” Simon says gently, “and I want you to know that whatever it is—”

“I’m in love with you.”

Simon freezes, mouth still halfway open. Then, he gasps, “You— What?”

“I am in love with you,” Wille says again, brown eyes soft but serious, locked on Simon’s. “You don’t have to say anything, I just couldn’t—”

This time, Simon cuts off Wille, leaning across the sliver of space between them to pull Wille into a kiss. It’s morning breath and surprised gasps, but it’s also warm sunlight and hands on skin and Wille.

“I love you, too, Wille,” he breathes between kisses.

Then, Simon is giggling uncontrollably and pulling back.

“What?” Wille chuckles, running a hand down Simon’s bare arm.

“Is that why you told me all those random little secrets? Gearing up for the big reveal?” he asks, running a thumb over Wille’s bottom lip because now he can do that.

Wille groans lightly, embarrassed. “It was more that every time I tried to tell you, some other stupid secret would come out instead. I don’t know what was wrong with me.”

“Not stupid,” Simon pouts, “I still want that homemade birthday card you promised. That was very sweet.”

“I can still do that,” Wille grins.

“You’re better than me at honesty,” Simon muses, tangling his fingers in Wille’s hair. “I’ve been keeping this secret for, like, fifteen years.”

“This whole time?” Wille asks breathlessly.

Simon smiles, saying “This whole time. Let’s not waste any more time,” then pulling Wille back in for another kiss. 

[makemeimmortalwithahug]

I can't stop thinking about dead boy detectives and Emily Dickinson ever since I saw Edwin and Charles' relationship unfold, these two boys whose deaths were covered up and "did not matter," as Edwin put it, and who have kept running from Death together for thirty years and counting; these two boys who would do anything to stay together. And I can't get

"I'm Nobody! Who are you? Are you - Nobody - too? Then there's a pair of us! Don't tell! They'd advertise - you know!"

out of my mind. Edwin and Charles as EdwinandCharles, together against everything that might separate them, looking into the world of the living from the outside but glad to do it together. They keep to themselves because, as long as they have each other's backs, it's always going to turn out at least okay.

Edwin and Charles cannot picture a world - an afterlife - in which they might lose each other, this bond they share of trust, harmony and loyalty. Emily herself wrote to her love Susan that she (I'm paraphrasing) that she might as well lose any other world, but she wants to continue living in the one in which she's together with her love. It's this utter devotion that we see in Edwin and Charles.

But also imagine Edwin reading Emily Dickinson's poems. I am not entirely sure when her poems might have been available in England, but I know that "I measure every Grief I meet" was first published in 1896.

I imagine him reading this poem during his time in school. He read it only once because this is the most he could bear, too real for him back then. He had suffered even before he went to Hell. He was bullied. His classmates would isolate him and cause him pain - they were the reason he eventually died, after all -, installed fear in him. The environment of the boarding school didn't give him any opportunity of respite, he couldn't get away and I doubt his parents would've been much of a help, if they had cared at all.

So, I imagine him quietly suffering, closing himself off because no-one seemingly cared enough to get to know him. Him barely talking, rather listening and watching what is going on around him, questioning whether everyone felt that way, so hollow and invisible at the same time, as if one wrong look would either go right through him or break him.

I measure every Grief I meet With narrow, probing, Eyes - I wonder if It weighs like Mine - Or has an Easier size. I wonder if They bore it long - Or did it just begin - I could not tell the Date of Mine - It feels so old a pain -

He has always felt this way, an ache he would tell himself he could barely feel anymore. Maybe he wondered as well how other people do it, living with a weight that drags you down and keeps you down, this dry sorrow that no tears flow anymore.

I wonder if it hurts to live - And if They have to try - And whether - could They choose between - It would not be - to die -

The encounter between Despair and Edwin is the reason why I thought of this poem in the first place. There are different kinds of grief, and despair is one of them, maybe that's why she might call upon Edwin someday.

There's Grief of Want - and Grief of Cold - A sort they call "Despair" -

Mostly I wonder what he would've thought, reading the last two lines:

Still fascinated to presume That Some - are like My Own -

Would he have been fascinated or would he have thought how unbelievably tragic this was? What would he think reading this after he met Charles? After he saw Simon again in Hell? Would it make him feel calm to see this written or sad?

No matter what it would be, I think him finding his way out of Hell (twice!) and Charles by his side have shown him that this pain does not define him, that there is always hope. And

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -

after all.

quoted:

"I'm Nobody! Who are you?" by Emily Dickinson

"I measure every Grief I meet" by Emily Dickinson

"'Hope' is the thing with feathers" by Emily Dickinson

[vierss-herondale]

Please tell me your favourite thing(s) about Clace! I'm rereading TMI and I just am falling in love with them all over again. I'm at CoFA, they're FINALLY officially together, and their banter is ON POINT (they come by it honestly. Wessa, yk yk.) But YEAH . And also ramble about Sizzy too if you're into it, they're hitting SO hard this time and I'm in love in love in love with them.

Bestie, I don’t even know where to start 😂

The fact that during TMI most of the people saw Clary as this tiny little girl and they underestimated her but Jace realized very quickly how STRONG she really was! Like, he kicks her ass for real during training! He knows she can take it! And she’s the bravest person he knows!

And how everyone sees Jace as this strong warrior but Clary knows the fragility that lays underneath his tough exterior. Most of the people describes Jace as "hot/sexy" but Clary almost always thinks about him as ✨beautiful✨

Don’t even get me started on how Jace lacked love for so long in his life, even thinking that his heart was broken and he was incapable of falling in love… and then he met Clary, someone with such a big heart and with SO MUCH LOVE to give, and then they fell in love! ♥️

It makes me so sad that during TMI Jace had such a low faith in himself because of the way Valentine raised him. That he thought he had to be perfect or the Lightwoods would kick him out. Can you imagine that? Living with such fear of losing the love of the only family you ever know? 🥺🥺 That's why I love the fact that Clary's faith in Jace is so big and it NEVER lacks! And she makes sure he KNOWS it. That he can always count on her and her love for him.

And the fact that even when Jace was taught that love destroys you, he was never afraid of loving Clary! He said that loving her was the best feeling he ever felt. In many other books you see the male protagonist keep the girl away because they are afraid to fall in love but Jace never did that, quite the contrary actually.

I love how they complete each other, and how they helped each other to be better! Jace learned so much from Clary, and became a better version of himself, but Clary also growth so much after meeting him!

I also love how they pick on each other so much! They know how to have fun!

Listen, I know it's SUCH a big cliche and judge me all you want but I LOOOVE how Jace was mean to everyone but Clary lol In my defense I was a teenager when Wattpad was a hit and the bad boy trope was on every story 😂 So yeah, I like that he’s such a sweetheart with her and ONLY her 🫶🏻

How Jace looks at Clary as if she's his personal miracle 🥹♥️

I love that she NEVER slut shamed Jace! I have seen that some part of the fandom judge Jace for sleeping with other girls BEFORE HE MET CLARY. Like bro? It's his body and he was single, I don't see the problem and I love that Clary never judged him for that. She always knew that what they have is different from anything Jace could have had with other girls. I love a secure female character 🫶🏻

Also girl the way he's SO OBSESSED with her! He worships her so hard! I love those kind of male protagonist!!!

There's LOTS of things I love about Clace but I might never finish listing them so let's just cut it here lol

Now about Sizzy... I love that couple because they always seem like such a REAL LIFE couple to me.

Look I'm such a sucker for love at first sight couples like Clace BUT the reason why I love Simon and Izzy is because they are so real about the way their relationship developed.

In real life most people falls in love more than once in life and that's normal and it's okay. You can go through heart break and be hurt but that doesn't mean that you can't fall in love again and it be even MORE stronger than before! Simon represents that so well. He loved Clary so much for many years but then he realized they didn't work like that, and his love transformed into friendship love.

And then he fell in love with Izzy and it was a stronger feeling! This time he knew he belonged with her. That's just like real life is, you can fall in love more than once but it doesn’t mean that your previous love was less valid.

And Izzy is such an amazing character, she was the one that taught teenage me that you can wear makeup, dresses and high hills AND STILL KICK ASSES while doing so!

I think she's such a brave character because she carried the pain of her father's betrayal on her mom for so long... But she overcame it and she was brave enough to open up her heart to Simon. This comes from someone who went through something similar at a similar age and believe me, I KNOW by first hand how brave and strong Izzy had to be to let herself trust someone else with her heart. She’s so special to me.

And she opened her heart to Simon TWICE! They are a couple that went through a LOT and it makes me so happy to know that they are engaged now ♥️

[simplywghost]

He's just a ghost (part 1?)

After Johnny's death everything changed within you, around you and even in the world, nothing looked as colorful anymore, your family was not as happy and everyone felt the absence of your brother.

Time went on slowly, every week felt like hell because how do you really get over a loss? And people were nice, they gave you hugs and words of encouragement that were filled with nothing but good intentions, but you doubted you could ever recover from this, he was your family, your role model and the light of everyone who knew him.

On the other hand, your family and your home was not the only place where absence paid a visit, it also walked through the barracks and his captain's office, it hugged his teammates and although everyone was painfully used to losses... this one was different, it felt more heartbreaking.

Ghost hated to admit it but his mind wandered to memories of his mate, of that accent that he repudiated and now tried to reproduce in his mind, of the jokes that did make people laugh but he never allowed himself to laugh, which felt bad now. He was a nostalgic man, he lived in the past although he did not like to relive those moments.

And he felt alone, maybe that's why he was encouraged to open the letter you sent him under another name with fingers numb from the cold and assumed that the person writing had already sent letters to members of the army, his full name was written next to his unit. He ran his fingers all over the paper that had been crumpled a little from the stack of other letters, it was kind of cliché but it was the best way to communicate when there was no signal.

“I don't really understand how to start a letter, in fact I have never known, even though I have written so many, I didn't study the reason very well either.

Maybe I feel alone, I don't know, what I have known for quite some time is that I am sad and writing makes me forget a little how monotonous and gray my life has become.”

Ghost looked at the window for a moment, his hand reaching for the old wood of the cabin where they spent the night, thinking for a moment that the feelings of the person who wrote to him coincided with his own, his vision was lost for a moment in the darkness and the snow before returning to the letter.

“Is the army as depressing as they say? I can't come to grips with the reality that blood and death is a lifestyle that people choose by choice, it's selfish, your loved ones worry and fear for your well-being while you flee from the tranquility of a comfortable life."

Simon had to stop to chuckle. “I have no loved ones, darling.” He muttered as he shook his head slowly and settled on the floor as best as he could, his back resting against the wood that creaked with every movement and the musty smell was seeping through his mask into his lungs, how was it possible, with so much snow?

“What I want to say is that I don't understand how you can carry the weight of death on your shoulders without it driving you crazy, it's too much and I get exhausted just thinking about it.

Maybe I need help, for you to allow me to see with your eyes to see if I learn to cope with what I feel now.”

He bit his cheek, his eyes lowered to the end of the letter, where there was a mail address just in case he wanted to respond and the initial of a letter that he deduced was random.

Ghost let out a sigh, it was early morning and his eyes hurt, burning from the amount of time he had spent awake, his body was numb from the cold despite all the layers of clothing that covered his skin, however he managed to stand up and lazily look for a piece of paper that was in decent condition to answer.

It didn't matter who he was, what mattered was that he had an address to send the response to and that he too felt the loneliness eating away at his brain like a virus, he felt exhausted and hopeless, Soap's death had been so unexpected... well, like everyone else's, it was part of the job.

There was a piece of paper in one of the kitchen drawers and he grabbed  it along with a pen that looked about to give in, but trying was what he should do and he doubted it, he had not written a letter for a long time and although he did not consider himself a bitter old man, he never had much to say.

“The army is often not only an obligation but also an escape for many who do not find a home in their house, it is sinister at first, I am not going to lie. There are daily situations that make you wonder if you want to continue there and even if you feel like you are made of iron, many things change you forever.

Time gets you a little used to all the mess and you find yourself unable to feel the same level of terror that you felt as a newbie, which is worse because it often led me to wonder what was I becoming.

I could never spend too much time thinking about whether I feel alone or scared, it's probably what caught my attention the most about the job, it doesn't stop for anyone, it doesn't let us stop to think if it's what we want or not".

His hand hurt from writing so fast and he dropped the pen once he finished, it was a little short but he wasn't used to sending letters, he didn’t have a big family, he wasn't a lover, a son, a father, he wasn't anyone, just a ghost.

He walked slowly back to the window and collapsed on the floor, letting out a sigh and feeling the heaviness of fatigue, closing his eyes. He would sleep badly and wake up sore, but that was better than not sleeping.

The next morning they all left the cabin to a place a little fuller of civilization and he was able to send the letter by mail to the address you left him. He didn't know when it would arrive as it was never a quick process, but he found himself longing for the response. It was the only way he had to feel connected to the outside, so he limited himself to asking questions that might make you simply not answer anymore.

And just as Simon imagined, the letter was in your hands fifteen days later, you read it with tears in your eyes because although his personality and Johnny's were not even remotely similar, he reminded you of your brother, because the 141 was part of him and his essence.

That was precisely the reason why you were talking to him through letters, because you needed to feel connected to someone who was no longer there and your only connection right now was Simon, it was strange, not him but this whole situation, you had met Ghost only once and you felt intimidated, his cold gaze under that mask was so hard and emotionless, he really lived up to that nickname, he was like a ghost.

You sighed, sitting on the kitchen chairs and looking out the window, the weather outside was merciless, the snow was destroying everything in its path and you could no longer see the floor, that weather reminded you of your childhood, the layers of thick snow covered the cars and yet the discomfort of humidity was more present than the cold.

You got lost in thought with the letter in hand before looking at it again, praying that this mysterious man would return safely from deployment, you imagined that he, like you, had felt the loss, so now part of you and of your pain was with him.

[toffeelemon]

I don’t feel like our love is brand new. There must have been lovers, soulmates, before us, experiencing what we get to have. And it’s giving me comfort to imagine there will be many more like us to come. Our kind of love is the kind of love that makes this rotten world worth living in.

prince simon in madrid

a pilgrimage along the world that @prince-simon created 🥹

Simon’s neighbourhood, Chueca

“It’s actually the Queer Neighbourhood of Madrid, and coincidentally also where I live.” He lowered his voice as if to tell a secret, “It’s actually not a coincidence at all.” (chapter 2)

Casa de Campo (view from the Royal Palace lol oop)

Wilhelm didn’t even recognise himself. He didn’t think he’d ever looked that happy. And Simon… his eyes were closed and his curls were a mess and Wilhelm had never seen anyone more beautiful. (chapter 3)

El Retiro

Simon looked at Wilhelm much too adoringly for a statement this goofy. “The ducks are gay!” He yelled at Santiago and Paula, “Just so you know!” (chapter 9)

Palacio de Cristal

“Here’s a funny thought - bear with me, okay? But just imagine. Flowers. Everywhere, like on the ceiling, up the walls. Fairy lights scattered all through it. It would be so gorgeous as a- uh, like. For a wedding…” Realising where his train of thought had gotten him, Wilhelm fell quiet, looking at Simon with wide eyes. (chapter 9)

El Palacio Real de Madrid (more specifically the Throne Room lmfao)

Simon traced his fingers over the bruises on Wilhelm’s neck and in the opening of his dress shirt, humming contentedly. Wilhelm followed the movement in the mirror, and marvelled at how good they looked together, how well they fit together and how much Simon belonged right here – on the throne, with Wilhelm. He deserved the world and so much more. (chapter 12)

Museo Nacional del Prado

Around them, the other visitors kept moving, admiring the art on the walls, and for the moment Wilhelm felt infinite, imagining himself a painting, looked at and analysed hundreds of years from now. El Abrazo de los Príncipes.

Lo Spasimo, Raphael, 1515-1517

“Are we allowed to kiss in front of Jesus on his way to crucifixion or is that tasteless? Because I really want to kiss you right now, Simon.”

Las Meninas, Diego Velázquez, 1656

“He made me look at Velázquez in the painting and how he was looking back at the viewer, at me. I still remember the exact tone of his voice, how he was so certain when he told me that I had every right to be where I am. That I am the subject of this painting, the king being painted. All those tyrants, King Felipe and Emmanuel and all those that came in between, they are trapped in that mirror forever while I am here, alive, we’re here. Velázquez is looking at two queer princes, ready to paint us.” (chapter 13)

Casa Alberto

“So, tell me more about this special part of Madrileñan history.” He was slightly teasing but mostly actually curious. 

Simon seemed all too eager to answer that question, and it hit Wilhelm how genuine Simon’s care for his city — his country — and its people was. It made him a little sad to know that a lot of people didn’t get to see that because they only focused on Simon being too gay or too Latino, or even just too carefree and enjoying life because he was young, to be their future king.

bonus content:

Iglesia de San Antonio de los Alemanes (where Simon goes to church)

“I think I need to go somewhere.”

“Oh?” Wilhelm said softly, “Right now?”

Simon hesitated before he nodded. “I need to- get some clarity? Or - I hope that I’ll get it there?” He whispered, voice shaky.

“Do you want to tell me where you’re going?”

“To- uh, to pray? I mean- to church? I don’t know if I’ll pray…” Simon’s voice was shaky, uncertainty shining in his eyes when he dared to look up at Wilhelm. (chapter 11)

[bingoboingobongo]

task force 141 + favorite christmas movies

Characters: Simon “Ghost” Riley, John “Soap” MacTavish, Kyle “Gaz” Garrick, John Price, Alejandro Vargas, Rodolfo “Rudy” Parra

Warnings: none

A/N: sorta did this already with ghost but now it’s time for the entire team

john "soap" mactavish:

what can i say soap is a home alone kinda guy

he fell in love with them as a kid and he just never fell out of love

it's that sorta violent but still comedic and overly dramatized kind of humor that soap likes

plus he's a sucker for montages and you know home alone has a bunch of them

he's a fan of the whole series too

but the first one is definitely his favorite, just because it's classic

definitely gets freaked out by the bird lady in the second one (i think it's the second one)

and yes he's always wanted a home alone situation whenever he was a kid

he would literally pray for a duo of goofy robbers to try and break in whenever his parents weren't home

of course it never worked

but you know

a man can dream

he also knows all the home alone lore

and he freaked out when he found out macaulay culkin was married to brenda song

kyle "gaz" garrick:

so this goes hand in hand with my christmas songs headcanon

but gaz's favorite christmas movie is the grinch (2018)

bc 1. it has a fire soundtrack

2. it's got great animation

and 3. beneficiary cumberbun as the grinch was unprecedentedly good

he also doesn't like the live action grinch

he watched it when he was younger and it really scared him

like im talking it really scared him

he saw it in a hotel while his family was visiting new york for christmas

and then he refused to sleep on the wall side of the bed because he was scared the grinch was gonna come from under the bed in that sorta shadowy area between the bed and the wall and steal him

and yes he still sleeps on the lamp side whenever he stays at hotels now

even though he's a grown man

so yeah the grinch (2018) was a very welcome change to that

i mean the animation is so bright and cheery

what's not to love

plus he really likes how fluffy the grinch looks

and yes he watched it in theatres with his family so there's a lot of good memories associated with that as well

simon "ghost" riley:

so kinda similar to gaz

but ghost's favorite christmas movie is actually how the grinch stole christmas (1966)

for those of y'all who aren't up to date on the grinch movie release timeline that's the cartoon one

gaz doesn't like that one because that smile the grinch does in the beginning (you know what i mean, it's the one where his cheeks literally like migrate to his ears) freaked him out

but ghost actually enjoys that scene

he says it scratches an itch

he also likes the 1966 grinch because it brings him back to simpler times

he first watched it in school right before winter break

and then he went home and made his mom watch it with him over and over and over again

and so now whenever he has the chance he'll watch during the holiday season

it does make him a little sad though

you know since his mom's dead

anyways

john price:

price's favorite movie is charlie brown's christmas

he's actually a pretty big fan of the peanuts

is that what they're called? idk

so it's only a no brainer that the charlie brown christmas special brings him a special kind of joy

before he used to watch it on cable on christmas day

and then he got apple tv+ so now he watches it to get in the mood

guys this isn't an ad for apple i swear

he likes to cozy up with a blanket, some nice socks (he's a sock guy what can i say), a cup of tea or hot cocoa, and some biscuits

sometimes he falls asleep before the end tho

but it's not like he's never seen it before so it's fine

yet despite his love for the peanuts he does not have a charlie brown christmas tree

no his tree is always freshly cut down and usually pretty hefty

rodolfo "rudy" parra:

alright so this one also goes with my christmas music headcanons

but rudy's favorite christmas movie is the frozen franchise

and yes it's a holiday movie

he will fight you on that

in his mind snow + fire soundtrack = christmas movie

so yes goncharov would technically be a christmas movie by rudy's criteria

and yes he will fight you if you bring that up

he also really hates claymation

like really really hates it

it's too uncanny valley for him

like for it to be enjoyable it better be super duper obvious that the characters are clay

but even then it still catches him off guard

he also really likes christmas specials for like a bunch of shows

so after he's done with his frozen marathon he'll turn on his favorite shows and just watch the christmas episodes

and yes he does that for every holiday that has specials

alejandro vargas:

okay so potentially controversial opinion

but alejandro really enjoys hallmark movies

like it doesn't matter which one it is as long as it's a christmas hallmark movie he's down to watch it

he doesn't even know why like he's aware of how cheesy they are

but they've really mastered that feel good formula

even if each movie is riddled with plot holes

but even then that's also part of the fun too

like he enjoys inviting rudy or even the others over so they can poke fun at all the logistical impossibilities of the movie

and really that's what he likes when he watches the movies

the good memories he makes

ig it's true guys

the real lesson was the friends we made on the way

or whatever the saying is idk

he also likes the cheesy romance of it all

and also he doesn't tell anyone that he secretly enjoys the hallmark movies

with everyone else he pretends that it sucks

but he eats it up every time

and yes he always checks to see if the kiss happens at the same time

and so far it has almost every single time

[rovingotter]

My Wish Rewrite

Everyone under the sun has done a Wish rewrite at this point so I thought I’d try my hand at it.  I’m going to try to keep both Magnifico's and Asha’s characterizations relatively intact while giving Asha a more compelling motivation, and also keep the structure fairly similar to what we got in the movie.

Note:  I use he/him to refer to Star for the sake of clarity, though Star has no official pronouns.

Much of the setup is the same:  Asha giving a tour, going to her interview, etc, with the major difference being that rather than Saba and his wish, the focus is on Simon.  Why?  Because he’s the only person we see in the movie who’s suffering some kind of negative repercussion from losing his wish (aside from just disappointment at it not being granted).  And in this version it’s made clear, in the scene with all the friends gathered in the kitchen, that Simon isn’t just sleepy:  he’s depressed.  He’s lost interest in most things, even the cookies he used to love.  Asha is troubled by this.  Dahlia says something like, “I’m sure things will be back to normal once he has his wish granted.”

Gabo replies, “You mean if he ever has his wish granted.”

“Gabo…”

“You don’t really think everyone’s wish gets granted, do you?  Asha, your saba is one hundred and he’s still waiting.  There’s only a ceremony once every month. How many people do you think live in Rosas?  Do the math.”

Asha:  “Right, but…the good and worthy wishes get granted.”

“And?  We don’t know what Simon’s wish is.  Even he doesn’t know, now.  Maybe he wants to rule the world.”

“Gabo!”

Simon:  “It’s true.  I don’t know. It could be something awful.”

The scene with meeting Magnifico and seeing the wishes goes much the same, but then after “At All Costs,” Asha asks for Simon’s wish to be granted.  And when Magnifico is obviously disappointed that she would ask for favors when they just met, she clarifies:  “Oh, I wouldn’t ask, except…since he gave up his wish, he just hasn’t been himself.  He seems so…sad.”

Magnifico softens visibly.  “All right.  Let me take a look.”

I’m also changing Simon’s wish:  he’s the one who wants to inspire people through music (or art or writing or whatever) but specifically, he wants to inspire a great change and to create a new dawn for Rosas.  As Magnifico examines the wish we can see that this hunger for change is what disturbs him.  He flinches back, quickly sends the wish back to the ceiling, and gives Asha the speech about how some wishes are too vague to grant:  there’s no telling what could happen.

“…then can’t you just give it back?”

“Excuse me?”

“His wish.  You could just give it back.  Then if it’s dangerous, it could be stopped, but if not—”

“That's not how it works. The wishes stay here until they are granted.  The system only works if everyone follows the same rules.  That’s the only way I can keep us all safe.  Look at this kingdom.  I’ve drawn together people from all over the world, and they live here in harmony, wanting for nothing.  Where else do you think that happens?  Do you believe that’s a coincidence?  I don’t just grant the good wishes.  I keep the bad ones from hurting anyone.”

“But Simon is hurting now.  Surely, in this case, you could make an exception—”

“If I make one exception, then everyone will start demanding their wishes back, and the whole system will crumble.”

“That’s ridiculous!”

The argument keeps escalating to the “I decide what everyone deserves” line.  And this is what causes Asha to start questioning the system she’s believed in her whole life.  She’s always seen Rosas as a paradise—and it is, for most.  But now that same system is harming her friend and Magnifico is unwilling to rectify this due to vague fears about the potential consequences of Simon's wish. 

She doesn’t get the job. Magnifico grants someone else’s wish at the ceremony.  Asha’s not just sad, though:  she’s pissed.  When Magnifico takes the newcomers’ wishes and gives her that little smirk over his shoulder, we see her eyes narrow, we see her maintain eye contact with him until he looks away, a hint of something like confusion or regret in his expression.

That night, she talks to her family about what happened, and they urge her to trust the king’s judgment.  It escalates to a furious argument and she storms out.

Asha doesn’t just wish upon a star, though.  She summons Star, deliberately.  How?  Her dad was a philosopher, but also secretly studied magic, specifically star magic, and Asha alone knows where he kept his books of spells.  Before his death, her dad also cautioned her to never to use the magic unless there’s no other choice:  it’s too difficult to control, and it can have unforeseen consequences.  Asha decides that desperate times call for desperate measures; she’s going to steal back Simon’s wish from the vault, using this power…which is still not a great plan, and she hasn’t even talked to Simon about this yet.  But here, her recklessness is driven by anger and desperation, not a vague sense of unfairness.  Her “I want” song also becomes a spellcasting song.  And—somewhat to her surprise—it works.

This gives Asha more agency in her own story, but also, I think it better reflects the attempted theme of Wish:  self-determination.  If you’re going to write a story about the importance of people pursuing their own desires and being in charge of their own destiny rather than waiting around hoping for someone else to give them what they want, I think it’s kind of hypocritical to have the main character get a necessary power boost by essentially praying and receive divine aid because the heavens judge her to be good and worthy. Here, Asha makes the decision to cross a line for the sake of her friend.

Star is still a cute little glowing bob who doesn’t talk, and he’s still whimsical, but in this version he’s got a bit more of a mischievous edge.  He’s a chaotic little gremlin.  He does things that are a bit more bizarre than just giving animals and plants the power of speech:  maybe he starts swapping body parts, giving a rabbit’s head to a bear and vice versa.  Maybe he gives consciousness to a mushroom and it starts experiencing existential confusion ("Who am I? What am I? Why am I stuck in the ground?") and asking about its purpose, only for Star to giggle and kick his stubby little appendages in the air. 

“You’re a Star” wouldn’t work in this context, since it’s too straightforwardly empowering, and in this moment, Asha is experiencing some genuine anxiety over what she’s unleashed.  Maybe she can sing about that. The song is called, "What Have I Done?" Some of the animals can chime in.  The mushrooms sing about their existential angst.  The song wraps up, Asha decides that, now that Star is here, she’s going to go ahead with her plan, despite her many questions.

“Star.  Listen to me.  I need your help to…”  She takes a breath.  “To commit a crime.”

Star squeals in delight.

“But it’s a good crime.  We’re helping my friend.  We have to retrieve one of these bubbly ball things from inside a locked room in King Magnifico’s castle.  Okay?  Can you help me?”

Star produces a small flame.

“No, we’re not setting anything on fire.”

Star’s little face droops in sadness.

“I’m serious.  No arson.  Okay?  Just some light breaking and entering, and then we’re done.  And once King Magnifico realizes the wish is gone…well, that’s a problem for future Asha.”

Star nods in agreement and winks.

* * *

Meanwhile, King Magnifico has seen the burst of light in the sky.  He’s tearing his study apart looking for answers.  Amaya asks him what’s going on.  And he tells her.

He recognizes that light:  he’s heard of this.  It’s star magic.  Very powerful, very rare, and most of all, unpredictable.  Such magic has brought down entire kingdoms, in the past.  Who in Rosas could possibly have the knowledge to summon such a thing?  Who would dare to so brazenly break his law against unauthorized sorcery?  He thinks of the interview earlier.  “Asha?  No.  No, surely not.  She’s just a child.”  But the suspicion has been planted.

The scene of him almost turning to the book, then being talked down by Amaya, would play out similarly.  But here it parallels the scene of Asha finding and using her father’s book.  Both Asha and Magnifico have flirted with a kind of Faustian bargain, but so far only Asha’s actually taken the plunge.

Asha introduces Star to her friends, including Simon.  Star causes some more mayhem, including briefly transforming Dario into a donkey and Hal into a wooden marionette. (There's some Disney Easter eggs for you.) Star cures Safi's allergies and then gives them back. One of the chickens now constantly sings opera solos and cannot be stopped.

Asha promises to get Simon's wish back.  He’s troubled.  “Asha…I never asked for this.  I don’t want you getting hurt for my sake. I don't want to cause trouble.  I can wait—”

“Simon, you don’t understand.  He’s never going to grant your wish.  He thinks it’s dangerous.  But I know that it’s not.  What he’s doing—it isn’t right.  Please.  Let me help you.”

They argue back and forth a bit, with Simon ultimately agreeing, though still obviously nervous about the whole thing.  Dahlia helps Asha get into the study, and here, Star starts setting things on fire and creating havoc…not accidentally, but because Star really likes fire.  Asha manages to put the fire out and distract Star from what he’s doing (turning Magnifico’s collection of rare books into squalling, pointy-toothed purple blobs).  Star then helps her get into the wish room, where she locates and retrieves Simon’s wish.

While this is happening, Magnifico—heeding Amaya’s advice to look to his people—calls the gathering, and things play out pretty similarly to how they do in the movie, with him becoming increasingly agitated when his citizens start questioning the system.  He storms back into the castle, telling Amaya he’ll be with the wishes. 

And here, now, we see an unexpected side to the king, who has (up to this point) always appeared as dignified and serious:  to unwind, he plays with a set of toy people and does a cute little dance to his “villain song,” acting childlike and rather silly as he sings about wanting more respect, embracing his own personal chaos as an escape from the pressures of leadership…similar to the movie, but it’s more obvious that the song’s silliness is a deliberate stylistic choice.  We’re seeing an aspect of himself he normally hides from people, and even from his wife.  (The vibe of the song remains the same, just imagine the lyrics are better-written and reflect this theme.)  At some point, Amaya comes to check on him—because she doesn’t like the way he’s been eyeing that book lately—and catches him in the midst of his goofy dance.  He freezes.  The music stops.  They’re both embarrassed, and she makes an excuse and quickly leaves.  Kind of like that scene in Spaceballs where Dark Helmet is playing with his dolls and Colonel Sandurz walks in on him.

The song resumes, the lyrics now shifting to King Magnifico being self-critical—why is he messing around with these stupid toys?  There is a traitor in Rosas!  A dangerous magic is afoot! He needs to Get Serious.  It is at this point that he starts working himself back into a panic, with his reflections in the mirrors (which previously praised him) now chiding him, yelling at him and egging him on.  He turns to the book.  Like Asha, he’s now been driven to the breaking point of using a power he’s been cautioned against using.  Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Asha, meanwhile, has successfully stolen back Simon’s wish.  She gives it to him, and we see him healed.  We see the spark of life come back into his eyes.  We see him smile for the very first time.

Then Magnifico bursts in, and it’s clear something has changed.  He’s not acting like himself.  He tells Asha that he knows what she did.  In this version, see, it’s not Simon who tells Magnifico the truth about her:  it’s her family.  Except they didn’t even see it as a betrayal.  They have total trust in Magnifico, and Asha’s been acting “strange” lately, so when the king comes to their house asking about her, they tell him about the forbidden book of star magic they found in Asha’s room, hidden beneath the bed.  They’re so embarrassed and shocked that their daughter/granddaughter would experiment with such dangerous magic.  Magnifico reassured them that he didn’t blame Asha—she’s just a child, after all—and that once the star was destroyed, their daughter would go back to normal.  (Of course, the irony being that Magnifico’s made his own bargain with the devil at this point, and they have no idea.)

Magnifico, Asha, and Simon—who’s got his spark back now—have a heated argument.  Magnifico demands that they turn over Star, and they refuse.  He becomes more and more enraged as they hurl accusations at him, telling him that the entire system is rotten and they’re not going to take it anymore.  When his fury reaches its peak, he growls, “You gave this to me…and I’m taking it back.”  He wrenches Simon’s wish out of his chest again and crushes it…and then he gets the unexpected rush of power from the magic.

Star emerges from hiding.  He grants life to a table, which goes ballistic and attacks Magnifico.  They flee.  Simon’s depression has returned, even worse than before. He's practically catatonic.  They search for a safe place to hide him and go to Bazeema’s sanctuary (let’s just say they already know where it is—no need for them to conveniently stumble across it by chance). 

Much like in the movie, Magnifico starts putting up wanted posters for Asha, he creates his wish-powered staff, Amaya stumbles across him and is horrified.

Asha and co. sing “Knowing What I Know Now.”  Amaya bursts in to tell them about the forbidden magic.  She asks for their help in finding a way to break its hold on her husband.

The main difference here is that when she’s introduced to Star and learns that Asha summoned him, Amaya isn’t charmed and delighted, she’s appalled that Asha’s first action was to start experimenting with a magic she didn’t understand.  “If you had come to me, if I had known, I could have done something.” 

We then get the story of Magnifico’s past, from Amaya:  we see it on the wall in the form of shadows and light.  His family was not killed by thieves or invaders, but by revolutionaries.  In his homeland, there was a bloody and chaotic uprising.  The rulers were overthrown, but countless ordinary people were killed as well.  And it all started with a seemingly benign wish for change, with songs and poems about freedom.  This is why Magnifico finds Simon’s wish so threatening and why, when he saw Star's light, he interpreted it as a threat.

Dahlia starts to defend Asha, to say that it wasn’t her fault, it was Magnifico's, but Asha speaks up—“No, Dahlia.  Amaya’s right.  I should have talked to you, first—to all of you—instead of taking things into my own hands.  I was just so…so angry.  And scared.”  (Look, see, I gave her an arch.  This also emphasizes the thematic parallels between her and Magnifico.) "I need to fix this.  But I can’t do it alone."

Cut to Magnifico, who’s now having a conversation with his reflection—a reflection clearly meant to represent the forbidden magic and its influence.  He’s rattled by his own actions, asking himself whether he went too far, but the magic shows him the horrors of his past in the mirror, reminding him of what happens when order is not maintained…though again, we see only vague shadows and light, hear distant echoes of screams.  “Look at Simon as a sacrifice for the greater good,” the mirror said.  “Nothing is achieved without sacrifice.  You called upon me.  Put your trust in me, now, and I promise—you will never feel that despair again.  I will protect you…at all costs.”

Amaya and Dahlia, meanwhile, are looking through the book of forbidden magic and find the passage saying that there’s no way to break its hold.  Once someone embraces it once, they commit for eternity:  it’s a rule of nature.  But Asha interjects:  “That only means no one has found a way yet.  And we have a star.  Star magic is all about breaking the rules.  So let’s break some rules.”

Asha and her friends infiltrate the castle to free the wishes so Magnifico can’t crush and absorb them. Amaya, meanwhile, goes looking for Magnifico, hoping she can still reason with him, but when she finds him, he says, "You're too late." He uses a blast of magic to put her to sleep.

Magnifico—who now fully under the magic’s sway—ascends to the top of the castle, absorbs all the wishes, pulls Star into his staff, and uses its power to block the sky.  He hauls Asha to the top of the tower with his magic and tells her that he’s going to add her wish to the collection.  When he pulls the wish from her chest, it’s an image of Asha sitting quietly with her father in the tree.  His rage falters.  His own wish emerges, unbidden, from his chest—the family he lost so long ago.  He stuffs it back inside his chest, but the reminder of the shared loss between them pierces his armor.

His breathing speeds up.  His eyes shift from green to blue, green to blue.

It is at this point we get the Reprise of “This Wish,” but this time, Amaya (who reappears at the last minute, having woken from her sleep) is the one spearheading it, and they’re singing to break the magic’s hold, using the combined power of their wishes.  The staff glows, Star and the wishes burst free. 

In a spasm of panic and horror, Magnifico throws himself off the tower.  Asha cries out to Star to save him.  Star shoots straight into Magnifico’s chest and slows his fall, and he drifts down like a leaf, landing in the midst of his people.  There’s a burst of green and gold shimmers from within him, spreading outward, mingling and then winking out like fireflies.  The forbidden magic’s hold is broken, but the cost—as he soon finds—is that he can no longer use magic at all.  He’s powerless.  He stares at his hands and laughs until he weeps.  Amaya comforts him and gives him one of the toy people she found in his study.

The freed wishes return to their owners…including Simon’s now-restored wish, which has become a self-fulfilling prophecy, having inspired Asha to bring great change to the land.  And Simon finds to his surprise that his wish, too, has changed:  he no longer wants to be a revolutionary, but a healer.  Star returns just long enough to say goodbye.

There’s no magic wand.  Some of the animals can still talk, the mushrooms are still questioning their existence, but Rosas can no longer rely on magic:  its gods have departed, and the people are left with themselves and their own choices, their own fragile wills and hearts. 

[trojanteapot]

Obligatory Infinity Train Fanfic Plug I Guess

I have some new followers since I posted about my Infinity Train cosplay process so I guess now's a good time to plug my boring overly-long fanfics that are mostly sad and stuff.

SHIPPING FICS

RYMIN:

Ain't No Cure For Love: Ryan and Min-Gi perform their first gig in Montreal. Min-Gi wants to confess his feelings. (First fic I ever wrote probably a bit rough now and the only fic without any sort of theme besides "love wins" i guess) It Can't Be Helped: Takes place in the mid-2000s when Ryan and Min-Gi's band have become quite successful and are touring East Asia. Ryan has some cultural identity issues to overcome at the age of like, 40-something. (This one is much much better than the first Rymin fic, and is about more than just shipping. I did a ton of research into Japanese-Canadians and Korean-Canadians for it as well! Shout-out to my partner for his huge role in shaping this fic as he is Japanese-Canadian himself.)

GRIMON:

Raison d'Etre (PART 1) (PART 2): Post-Canon AU where Simon survives the Train. Grace and Simon spend about 4 years apart from each other living their own lives on Earth, but one day Grace shows up randomly in Quebec to pay Simon a visit. Traumatic wounds get reopened, things get emotional, philosophical, maybe even a little... sociopolitical? Also interspersed between Grace and Simon's little dates are flashbacks to the Train that explain exactly how Simon managed to leave the Train in this AU.

I separated it into two halves because the second half contains smut. However, the second half kind of needs to be read for there to be a complete story. The smut is entirely skippable and doesn't contribute to the overarching plot so I do encourage you to read both halves.

(Also of note is that this takes place not in the "present" but in the past (2018), because I am An Old Person(TM) and so I made Grace and Simon millennials. And I also didn't want to write about the pandemic. It's not that noticeable and you can ignore that timeline fuckery if you want.)

True Love Waits: (VERY VERY CURSED) Sort of not a shipping fic? But Grace gets pregnant here and we all know who the father is! So Grace needs to leave the Train before the baby is born. Canon complacent so Simon is dead. (TW: other than pregnancy there's also thoughts of self-harm and mentions of abortion)

Leave It In My Dreams: Grace's sad nightmare in Alma Mater but from Simon's perspective.

Shame On You, Blue-Eyed Fox: Grace lets her guard down and harassed by a rookie cop. Simon finally makes himself useful for once in his entire life. (TW: real world racism obviously.)

GENERAL FICS

Alma Mater: Post-Canon. Tulip starts college, is very typically Tulip about it, but she befriends an older student named Grace Monroe who helps her through it. However, Tulip comes to learn that she and Grace have more in common than they realized at first. Also Jesse and Lake get thrown into the mix and drama ensues. (Mostly canon complacent except for 1. time period, and 2. Grace is from California, not DC, but her parents work in DC.)

Initial State: A side story to Raison d'Etre. After Simon realizes he's wrong he works with the Cat to bring his number down and leave the Train. But this isn't as easy as he thought especially when he meets a denizen he's recently met before, but never expected to meet again (becausehekilledherlol).

Semi-Automatic Lonely Boy: Prequel to Raison d'Etre. Just a series of vignettes of Simon's life after returning to Earth. (TW: depictions of self-harm) Other than It Can't Be Helped, this is the other fanfic that I am the most proud of so far. Literally went and relearned French to write some of the dialogue in this.

I'll Get It Right Sometime (ongoing): Four years after Book 3, Hazel and Amelia have a pretty decent life on the Train. But this peace is interrupted when Hazel meets a passenger and decides to help him through the Train. How can Amelia keep Hazel safe? Who is this passenger anyway? Why is the Cat so interested in interfering? Why is Simon somehow involved?! Why is JESSE somehow involved?!?!??! (Note: I think Hazel ages normally, so she's 10 years old in this one.) This is also my most ambitious fanfic yet. I have an Entire Homestuck Reference chapter, a Reddit chapter, and I plan to have several Discord chapters.