A Gaylor Interpretation of "Champagne Problems" post TTPD
Overblown Analysis Under the Cut β
In my "I Look Through People's Windows" analysis, I mentioned that I wondered if the "As you boarded your train..." line had to do with "Champagne Problems" and its similar opening line, but figuring that out would mean doing a separate evaluation on it. Well, here you go! I promise I'll one day stop thinking about TTPD, okay? Scouts honor. π€π
This one is mostly to quench my own intrigue, I'm aware it's a bit of a stretch.
"You booked the night train for a reason / So you could sit there in this hurt / Bustling crowds or silent sleepers / You're not sure which is worse"
While this might not be the lens Taylor and β¨William Boweryβ¨ wrote this song in, I wanted to try my hand at seeing this song through the eyes of being about Taylor's fandom(s). Based on my "ILTPW" analysis, gaylors are the ones boarding the train in her mind, sitting in their hurt from the fallout of the failed coming out. Taylor knows that the gaylors don't know what would be worse: if tons of other fans crowding them with "I told you so" type comments, "Bustling crowds", or people not even noticing/hearing the coming out attempts to sneer, "silent sleepers".
"Because I dropped your hand while dancing / Left youβoutβthereβstanding / Crestfallen on theβlanding / Champagne problems / Your mom'sβring in your pocket / My picture in your wallet / Your heart was glass, I dropped it / Champagne problems"
Taylor feels like she abandoned her community by not coming out. She dropped their hand and left them disappointed. Champagne can symbolize celebration and eliteness, often associated with rich individuals, but has also been used to highlight the fakeness of its drinkers. Alexander Pushkin's novel, Eugene Onegin, quotes, "I am no longer up to champagne... (it is) sparkling, flighty, vivacious, wayward - and not to be trusted." Therefore the "Champagne problems" might be the issue of Taylor being a big star getting in the way of her being able to be out and human. Or just fakeness in general.
Rings have taken their spot in sapphic history, specifically signet pinky rings and thumb rings. Taylor has a very close relationship with her fans, them often joking, or even genuinely feeling as if Taylor's like a best friend, sister, or mother to them. "Your mom's ring in your pocket" could be Taylor illustrating gaylors as keeping Taylor's pinky or thumb ring, or her queerness, close in their pocket, as she isn't out and discussion of her possible queerness mostly stays in gaylor circles.
"My picture in your wallet" in this reading could be the money that fans spend on Taylor, whether it's albums, tours, merch, etc. If gaylors believe in Taylor, they might spend money on her, so she's in their wallet.
While gaylor discussion mostly stays in the community, gaylors have definitely attempted to discuss it in other swiftie, or "family", spaces. From our perspective, it's exciting to think about the queerness sprinkled in her songs, and while I admit that I wasn't fully here for it, I imagine the Lover era was particularly exciting. It looked like she was going to come out, flagging all too obvious for the fans to brush it off. You can't keep the excitement in. But a speech never happened and Taylor continued to beard, so in the public's eyes she's strictly straight somehow. She tried and arguably came out through visual means, but never got to say anything if she planned to (which I think she did because of "a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you" from "The Archer"), and socially, if you don't come out through words you aren't really out at all, flagging be damned. Either way, no one celebrated because no one heard. The gaylors might've geared up to celebrate, but no one could celebrate if Taylor remained unseen. Anti-gaylors, or "hometown skeptics" called the gaylor theories fake, or "Champagne problems", since no overt coming out happened. Any happy speech gaylors could say to Taylor congratulating her couldn't happen. The excitement for the love from fellow queers and allies coming Taylor's way through speeches of admiration after coming out slipped away beyond gaylor's reaches. And of course, Taylor couldn't tell gaylors directly why, as that would out her in an unwanted way.
"Your Midas touch on the Chevy door / November flush and your flannel cure"
The Midas line could be taken in so many ways. To focus on the Chevy for a moment, car imagery in Taylor's music often seems to be a mode of hiding, escaping/running away to hide, and by extension misbehaving or sinning. Take "Just a boy in a Chevy truck / That had a tendency of gettin' stuck / On backroads at night" illustrating Taylor and her lover driving out and pretending to get "stuck" on backroads so they can enjoy each other alone without naysayers. So if gaylors are the "you/your" of the song, them having a "Midas touch", aka a golden touch, could mean that gaylors acknowledged, or touched, Taylor's closet, and therefore made it golden, like daylight. A Midas touch turns things gold, so her closet/Chevy door wasn't golden like daylight before the "your" made it so. Their acknowledgment of her queerness made her feel seen, or at least less in the "20-year dark night" from "Daylight".
"November flush" to me is a reference to the "Grey November" from "Evermore". A person can flush from strong emotions, as well a sickness. "You're Losing Me" has many illusions of Taylor getting sick and dying from being unseen, her face becoming grey/colorless as she dies. But when you flush, color returns to your face. If Taylor was "down since July", or beginning to die from being unheard, she could be saying that she could be saved by a cure. The cure she seems to get is a "flannel cure". I've heard really interesting interpretations about this part of the line referencing a Victorian superstition about flannel having healing properties. This possibly means that several cures for her pain were tried, but nothing could be as helpful as being seen, the "flannel cure" being fake. However I can't find a source for this Victorian flannel fact that isn't someone talking about this song, so I'd take that with a grain of salt. (But I could've just overlooked it, so if someone has a source I'd love to see it.) Alternatively, flannels, in the modern age at least, are often associated with masculinity and men, but also sapphic flagging. Maybe the "flannel cure" was gaylors acknowledging her sapphicness. Or, if you take the cure as being false, it could be the bearding/closeting/men, fake because it didn't cure her queerness, or make her straight. It just made it more overt to those who can see it, as gaylors can often see through stunts with beards. I think it could be interesting to look at this phrase differently too. Was the flannel the cure or was the flannel cured? Is it that closeting was a fake cure or that gaylors had the cure for the pain of closeting by seeing her?
"'This dorm was once a madhouse' / I made a joke, 'Well, it's made for me'"
In TTPD, Taylor makes many references to the music industry being like an asylum or madhouse. In this line, Taylor jokes that the dorm, or industry, was once an asylum, made for someone like her. Maybe it's made for her 'cause a lot of people in the industry will have covert or public mental breakdowns that they don't get proper support for. Or it could be because she felt like music was a profession she was always meant to do since she was a tween. Or because she's queer, and while they're are many queer people in the industry, many have also been closeted by the industry since it began and still are. Maybe the joke says "once", as in past tense, because Taylor believed that once she was out the industry would stop being a madhouse for her, but she never got her proper cure, so going into TTPD, it's still an asylum.
"How evergreen, our group of friends / Don't think we'll say that word again"
There's probably debate on which word will never be said again. For this analysis, I'm going to go with "evergreen". Taylor seemed to have viewed her fans as friends just as they did her. Look at songs like "Long Live". She asked the fans to stand by her forever, like how evergreen trees keep their leaves in all weather, or forever. But after the failed coming out and so many fans denying her visibility, she can't say she and the gaylors's friendship with those types of fans is "evergreen" any longer. "Something counterfeit's dead" (from "loml").
"And soon they'll have the nerve to deck the halls / That we once walked through / One for the money, two for the show / I never was ready so I watch you go"
Some of Taylor's fans will come up with rather invasive theories about what her lyrics are about. Theories about her cheating, having secret children [Edit: I feel a need to say that by "secret children", I meant secret pregnancies, just to be clearer], having secret abortions, committing vehicular manslaughter, probably etc. In the Lover house her first 10 eras become literal halls (except for Midnights, which is depicted in the sky, and I personally like to say TTPD is the white porch with the lights). The phrase "Deck the halls" means to decorate the halls. She laments that ex "evergreen" "friends" will have the nerve to decorate the eras that she and the people who saw her once walked through with creepy theories.
The phrase "One for the money, two for the show," is cut short/replaced without the numbers three and four. The full phrase has multiple renditions, but it's generally a form of counting before an action is done, often ending with something like "Three to get ready, and four to go." If Taylor doesn't get to finish the countdown, it seems to mean that she didn't get to do her action: come out. She was never fully ready to do the action because obstacles like the master heist kept her from being able to do it the way she wanted. So she fears/watches gaylors board their trains away from her.
"Sometimes you just don't know the answer / 'Til someone's on their knees and asks you"
To me, as of currently, "How Did It End?" from TTPD is also in part about the failed coming out. In that song, Taylor admits that she still doesn't know exactly how the coming out didn't happen. Sure, she knows in a clinical sense, but sometimes you don't know emotionally. I find it noticeable that the someone in this line is on their knees, not knee. Traditionally, when one proposes, they get on only one knee. When a person is on both knees, that usually indicates deep desperation. Maybe the someone's are fans, likely of all kinds, desperately questioning why all the signs led to nowhere instead of a speech declaring her place in the queer community. How did it end?
"'She would've made such a lovely bride / What a shame she's fucked in the head,' they said"
Queer people throughout history and currently in some places are often seen by homophobes as having something wrong with them, whether it's just for taunting purposes or some genuinely believing queerness is a mental disorder. Homophobes often believe queer people are "fucked in the head".
When "they" say that "she", in this interpretation, Taylor, would've made such a lovely bride, they likely don't mean just a bride who gets married to anyone, but specifically a bride who marries a man. Certain types of homophobes won't call brides marrying non-men "lovely", sometimes not seeing them as legitimate brides at all. Heteronormative TS fans will often picture Taylor as being a "lovely bride" in the future, aka a straight bride because to them Taylor fits that hetero-girl image. If she were straight her hetero wedding would be seen as picture-perfect and idyllic. Too bad she might not be able to be that bride for them because she could be queer. While, again, I wasn't fully there during Lover, it's not hard to imagine homophobes saying things like this at the mere prospect of her being queer.
"But you'll find the real thing instead / She'll patch up your tapestry that I shred / And hold your hand while dancing / Never leave you standing / Crestfallen on the landing / With champagne problems / Your mom's ring in your pocket / Her picture in your wallet / You won't remember all my / Champagne problems / You won't remember all my / Champagne problems"
Taylor reminds queer fans that they can find "the real thing", or proudly out queer people, instead of her, someone who can't seem to leave the closet. That person won't fail them. Taylor's, or "your mom's", signet/thumb ring might stay in gaylors' pockets, as in they could still keep her potential queerness in the knowledge, but a new, out person should be the ones to have their money and time in Tay's eyes. One common critique towards gaylors is that we need to enjoy "actual" queer figures, these critique-ers not seeming to realize that many of us already do love many out queer figures, but that not meaning we can't acknowledge a potentially closeted one. Even still, Taylor seems to fear that her queer fans deserve better. "You should find another guiding light" (from "Dear Reader").
But as someone in the fandom, it's safe to say that gaylors won't be going away, even if most who were there from the beginning are gone now, new ones discover what this community truly is every day.
northbound I got carried away as you boarded your train // you booked the night train for a reason so you could sit there in this hurt // I stood right by the tracks, your face in a locket // bustling crowds or silent sleepers you're not sure which is worse // I thought Iβ sawβ you at theβ bus stop, I didn't though // I triΠ΅d searching faces on streets, what are the chances you'd be downtown // easy they come, easy they go, I jump from the train, I ride off alone // I never was ready so I watch you go // I'm afflicted by the not knowing // and time is taking its sweet time erasing you // and it would've been sweet if it could've been me // steppinβ on the last train, marked me like a bloodstain
CHAMPAGNE PROBLEMS IS THE MOST MARAUDERS ERA CODED SOMG EVER
allow me to elaborate
You booked the night train for a reason So you could sit there in this hurt, Bustling crowds or silent sleepers You're not sure which is worse - remus coming back to hogwarts in PoA
Because I dropped your hand while dancing, Left you out there standing, Crestfallen on the landing. Champagne problems. Your mom's ring in your pocket, My picture in your wallet, Your heart was glass, I dropped it. Champagne problems. - Sirius when remus thinks hes the traitor
You told your family for a reason, You couldn't keep it in- Regulus talking abt him & james
Your sister splashed out on the bottle- petunia οΏΌ
Now no one's celebrating- the events of oct 31, 1981
Your hometown skeptics called it Champagne problems- sirius family abt him
You had a speech, you're speechless, Love slipped beyond your reaches- jily
And I couldn't give a reason. Champagne problems- peter when hes asked why he betrayed james & lily
Your Midas touch on the Chevy door, November flush and your flannel cure- wolfstar
"This dorm was once a madhouse" I made a joke, "Well, it's made for me"- the marauders
How evergreen, our group of friends Don't think we'll say that word again, And soon they'll have the nerve to deck the halls That we once walked through- the skittles
One for the money, two for the show. I never was ready, so I watch you go- reg about siri
Sometimes you just don't know the answer 'Til someone's on their knees and asks you- reg right before he dies
"She would've made such a lovely bride What a shame she's fucked in the head, " they said- lilys family about pandora
But you'll find the real thing instead, She'll patch up your tapestry that I shred- reg after james breaks ip with him after he gets the dark mark and starts dating lily
And hold your hand while dancing, Never leave you standing, Crestfallen on the landing With champagne problems- remus after he learns sirius was innocent
Your mom's ring in your pocket, Her picture in your wallet, You won't remember all my Champagne problems- sirius watching over remus after he dies
You won't remember all my Champagne problems- the legacy they all left behind οΏΌ
You booked the night train for a reason so you could sit there in this hurt, bustling crowds or silent sleepers, you're not sure which is worse.
December 16, 2022, a day after the proposal
β well fuck. β Daniel sniffled, as he scroll through his Twitter account the hashtag #YNSYANDDANIELRICCIARDOSPLIT was all over his newsfeed, the news was out, he just found it amusing that (Y/n) had the nerve to post something so private.
A tap on the Australian's shoulder stopped him from going further through his newsfeed
"Sweetheart the private jet is here" his Mother Grace said softly, she couldn't bother to say another word to her son as she knows Daniel just doesn't want to talk to anyone right now, she just sighed as she helped him stand up and guided him to the jet, she doesn't want to admit but her son looks like a wreck.
His eyes were bloodshot from crying but tears still continued to roll from his eyes, his nose runny, his bags were evident from his eyes, he looks like a wreck, but how could we blame him when his lifetime love just left him, cut all contacts with him just hours after his proposal
As he settled on one of the chair in his private jet, he looks on his window sighing:
He should've think twice about the diamond ring.
f1central
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f1centralβ β β β Red bull's Daniel Ricciardo was seen at Perth Airport today after rumored failed proposal with long time girlfriend and actress (Y/n) (Y/l/n)
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shurixβ β β β I cannot physically do this today
mercboyszβ β β β β this is why we don't fall in love with mentally ill women boys
reily950β β β β shut your baldy ass up
shuriji β β β I hope your charger only works on a certain angle!
mikaslmcβ β β β I cannot imagine how hurt Daniel is right now
y/nfanβ β β β I can't imagine what their son feels like right now, too young to know what's going on
Because I dropped your hand while dancing, Left you out there standing, Crestfallen on the landing, Champagne problems
The calming sound of the ocean splashing on the seaside in the south of France couldn't help Daniel to worry about how his proposal will turn out but one thing is for sure, (Y/n) will say yes.
The laughing voice of (Y/n) while she enters their rented villa stopped the overflowing thoughts of the Australian as he almost even dropped the ruby red box that's on his palm
"Helloo!!l" (Y/n) greeted her 7 year boyfriend smiling from ear to ear, but like how can't she even greet her boyfriend not smiling when their rented villa is decorated with rose petals and even a heart arch made from white roses had welcome her.
"Hi sweetheart" Daniel hugged his girlfriend, his heart beating a million times faster, he just only hopes that (Y/n) couldn't feel it.
"What's up with you?, What's with this?" (Y/n) looked at Daniel puzzled, when out of the blue enchanted by Taylor swift started playing throughout the villa
Daniel offered his hand to the socialite grinning "May I have this dance with you my lady?"
"You may" (Y/n) laughed interwining their hands, as they swayed through the rhythms of the song, Daniel suddenly spoke which caught the girl off guard about the words coming out of the Australian's mouth
"(Y/n), the love of my life, my lifetime love, you are the girl . . . woman rather whom stayed by my side for the last five years, you have seen me in my ups and lows, you had love me unconditionally, sometimes I can't even breath if you aren't near" Daniel laughed "I'm ready to love you forevermore my (Y/n), I see my future with you, will you marry me?" Daniel got down on one knee, getting out the ring, as the music stops the Australian's heart dropped as his girlfriend of 7 years said the thing that he feared the most:
"Daniel, I can't, I'm sorry" the girl fled the villa leaving Daniel Dumfounded.
"I just lost the love of my life" Daniel's last words as he started to broke down dropping the ruby box, the ring falling out.
You told your family for a reason, You couldn't keep it in, your sister splashed out on the bottle
2 months before the proposal, October
Daniel was nervous as hell
Chatters filled the Australian's L.A Home, with his entire family occupying the home, a small gathering prepared by Daniel is currently happening right now as he was now announcing that he will be proposing to his girlfriend of 7 years.
Despite people occupying every corner of his home, he was alone at his room pacing back and forth, he was breathing heavily he was afraid that maybe this isn't the right choice, that maybe it's a bit too early, he was now questioning himself.
A sudden knock on his bedroom door stopped the ongoing existential crisis the Austrialian was feeling at the moment "Hey Dan, it's Lando, Uncle Henry is here, he's looking for you" the British driver peeked from the door in which the older driver just nodded, Lando gave him a thumbs up
saying "You got this!"
As Daniel exits his room and heads downstairs, a sudden pair of arms hugged him
"Daniel my boy! , it's nice to see you!" Henry T. Sy Jr. said greeting the F1 driver, the Chinese business man's face hold a smile looking at the formula 1 driver, it was clear that the two has a close bond.
( Henry T. Sy Jr. is the third child and oldest son of the late Henry Sy the owner of SM malls one of the most famous supermall in Asia, Henry T. Sy Jr net worth sits on a whopping 2.5 billion dollars which gives his only daughter (Y/n) a status of being a socialite. )
With all now settled on their respective chairs either on the kitchen or the living room, Daniel decided to speak up
"hello everyone, you all gathered here today because..." Daniel pauses as he looks around, he's doing the right thing, right?
"I'm now proposing to (Y/n) this coming December" Daniel announces smiling as chorus of cheers and suprised faces welcomed him, everyone was ecstatic to new founded news
Henry and his wife hugged him first giving the sign that they allow it, his parents came second and lastly his sister with a champagne bottle in hand
"You got this Daniel!" Michelle encouraged his older brother, as she popped off the champagne's lid, everyone was celebrating, they are different people with different minds but right now they have only one thought that:
"This dorm was once a madhouse", I made a joke, "Well, it's made for me"
(Y/n) had a history with mental illness, especially Depression, it started when she was still in highschool with people bullying her because of her fame, it only worsen when her first boyfriend died in a car accident.
And Daniel knew of everything, he made her feel better again and he tried everything to make her comfortable for her.
But the only downfall of Daniel knowing this was sometimes he uses her mental health problems to reason with her during their fights...
"You're just being coo-coo of this, you're making it a big deal!"
"Because it is Daniel, for goodness sake, you are literally flirting with her!"
"what?!, That's just your stupid mental illness acting up"
I never was ready, so I watch you go, sometimes you just don't know the answer til someone's on their knees and asks you
(Y/n) walked out of the villa, crying her heart out, she didn't mean to leave Daniel all alone there, but marrying someone was not her priority right now, she wants to just mainly focus on her career and her 3 year old son
"I'm such a fucking idiot" (Y/n) cursed as she entered her car and drove off to a nearby park, she hopped out of the car and heads to a bench there, fortunately the park was quite empty it was only populated with people going on a run and some elderly couple who wants to breathe some fresh air
Fresh air is what she also needed at this moment, she sighed as tears continued to flow to her now ruby red cheeks, as she calmed down, her mind decided to contemplate on the things that happened earlier
It wasn't her fault that she couldn't bare to be someone's wife right now, she was strating to sail smoothly in life after the bumpy road she had to endure on those years before meeting Daniel, she's only starting to romanticize life at this moment, she was shocked that Daniel even planned to do this even though he knew what her plans in life was
And even she hates to admit it, their relationship is falling apart from broken trust and gaslighting.
She sighed deeply, she was trying to calm her heart as she got up from the bench and she drove off to a nearby secluded hotel she could find, she just couldn't stand Daniel's face right now
A few hours later, (Y/n) was staying on a hotel located on the south of France, she scrolled through her social media to distract herself and she decided to post a video that has the song she listens to right now
Little did she know, it would cost turmoils and thousands of tweets and posts through social media
She would've made such a lovely bride, What a shame she's fucked in the head" they said
February 15, 2023, 2 months after the proposal
It has been 2 months after Daniel's Proposal, and it also has been 2 months that every friend of Daniel is angry with (Y/n) for what she did, from his childhood friends to his formula 1 buddies.
I mean they couldn't deny that they loved the actress, key word loved , but after what she did they couldn't see her the same way, they were perfect for each other, a couple that love eachother very much, but behind closed doors the Australian F1 driver and the actress wouldn't also deny that their relationship was falling apart
Rooting from when Daniel started blaming her for some things he did, like as simple as him accidentally dropping a glass which he blamed (Y/n) for bugging him and making him do that.
Another one was when (Y/n) cancelled her date with Daniel just for her to hangout with an old friend that she once had a relationship with, trust was broken from that.
However despite their relationship falling apart, Daniel doesn't have a nerve to say the truth to his friends as even listening to them saying
"She would be the perfect girl or even bride for you but she fucked it up, just cause she's supposedly has 'depression' "
"she doesn't deserve you, spoiled ass mentally ill woman"
He feels like shit to not do anything, he loved you, and he should've slayed the demons hunting your brain but he didn't, he just went what his stupid friends say to you.
But you'll find the real thing instead, she'll patch up your tapestry that I shred
August 27, 2023, 9 months after the split
f1updates
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f1updates β β β β BREAKING: Daniel Ricciardo confirms new relationship with actress and daughter of former F1 driver Gerhard Berger, Heidi Berger, they were seen outside of a cafe accompanied by Daniel's parents. congrats to the new couple!
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schecornβ β β β YOW WTF, imagine moving on from a 7 year relationship in a span of 9 months
danrevβ β β β isn't (Y/n)'s fault that they fallen out because she refused to be wedded with him, I don't see a problem of him moving on from that
schecornβ β β β umm chill anyways so
lewroe44β β β β ew, booo, bro be moving on and (Y/n) be still having an hiatus because of himπ
schumachermiβ β β β idk if I should be happy for Daniel or cry for (Y/n) #divorcedparentsproblems
chrls16β β β β IM SO HAPPY HE LOOKS SO HAPPY MY GOSH
yutsuly β β MF YOU HAD A KID WITH A WOMAN YOU HAD BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR OVER 7 YEARS BRO WTF
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your.username β β β β living my best life with you π
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parishiltonβ β β β sevi is so cute, auntie misses you!
liked by creator!
y/nontopβ β β β HOLD ON DID DANIEL LIKES (Y/N)'S POST WTF
mureliβ β β β maybe he's liking it for sevi??
gaslytsuβ β β β SO CUTE
It has been a year after the proposal that happened with the former ex couple, (Y/n) Sy and Daniel Ricciardo, they didn't even tried to disclose what happened to them and have a closure but maybe they were busy with other things, Daniel with his F1 career and clothing line and (Y/n) being an actress and raising their kid
They only had to interact with each other in the sake of their son, Sevi, Daniel wanted to address what happened but was afraid to just worsen the fire that happened.
Daniel only chose to admire (Y/n) and his son from afar, he will always support them and he knew she always support him too.
going down the brocedes rabbit hole pretty quickly, so i decided to make a taylor swift playlist-
can i call this a brocedes fic with taylor swift lyrics? cause it kinda is just that... anyway lets get down to it.
okay how about:
invisible string
Cornelia Street
Sweet Nothings
Maroon
champagne problems
tolerate it
coney island
peace
exile
All Too Well (10 Min)
The Archer
The Great War
Say Don't Go
this is me trying
You're Losing Me
my tears ricochet
Breathe
Is It Over Now?
The Way I Loved You
I Bet You Think About Me
Now That We Don't Talk
Here's the 'story'
1. invisible string / like a prologue (lewis' version perhaps)
Time, curious time
Gave me no compasses, gave me no strings
Were there clues I didn't see?
And isn't it just so pretty to think
All long there was some
Invisible string
Tying you to me?
Time, mystical time
Cuttin' me open, then healin' me fine
Were there clues I didn't see?
And isn't it just so pretty to think
All along there was some
Invisible string
Tying you to me?
A string that pulled me
Out of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar
Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire
Chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons
One single thread of gold tied me to you
(...)
Time, wondrous time
Gave me the blues and then purple pink skies
And it's cool, baby, with me
And isn't it just so pretty to think
All along there was some
Invisible string
Tying you to me?
unrelated to this narrative but: Cold was the steel of my axe to grind
For the boys who broke my heart
Now I send their babies presents (literally lewis sending presents to nico's daughters, i screamed)
2. Cornelia Street / Lover song, can't imagine it ending, prologue 2 (nico's version)
We were a fresh page on the desk
Filling in the blanks as we go
As if the street lights pointed in an arrowhead
Leading us home
(...)
Memorize the creaks in the floor
Back when we were card sharks, playing games
I thought you were leading me on
I packed my bags, left Cornelia Street
Before you even knew I was gone
But then you called, showed your hand
I turned around before I hit the tunnel
Sat on the roof, you and I
(...)
Walk me back to that apartment
Years ago, we were just inside
Barefoot in the kitchen
Sacred new beginnings
That became my religion, listen
I hope I never lose you
I'd never walk Cornelia Street again
Oh, never again
(...)
That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend
3. Sweet Nothings / Beginnings, sweet nothings leading them on
I spy with my little tired eye
Tiny as a firefly
A pebble that we picked up last July
Down deep inside your pocket
We almost forgot it
Does it ever miss Wicklow sometimes?
They said the end is coming
Everyone's up to something
I find myself running home to your sweet nothings
Outside, they're push and shoving
You're in the kitchen humming
All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing
Industry disruptors and soul deconstructors
And smooth-talking hucksters out glad-handing each other
And the voices that implore, "You should be doing more"
To you, I can admit that I'm just too soft for all of it
4. Maroon / They're loosing themselves here, the start of hurting each other
The burgundy on my T-shirt when you splashed your wine into me
And how the blood rushed into my cheeks, so scarlet, it was
The mark you saw on my collarbone, the rust that grew between telephones
The lips I used to call home, so scarlet, it was maroon
When the silence came, we were shaking blind and hazy
How the hell did we lose sight of us again?
Sobbin' with your head in your hands
Ain't that the way shit always ends?
You were standin' hollow-eyed in the hallway
Carnations you had thought were roses, that's us
I feel you no matter what
The rubies that I gave up
5. Champagne Problems / consequences, mellowness, public view of their feud
You booked the night train for a reason
So you could sit there in this hurt
Bustling crowds or silent sleepers
You're not sure which is worse
Because I dropped your hand while dancing
Left you out there standing
Crestfallen on the landing
Champagne problems
You had a speech, you're speechless
Love slipped beyond your reaches
And I couldn't give a reason
Champagne problems
Your Midas touch on the Chevy door
November flush and your flannel cure
"This dorm was once a madhouse"
I made a joke, "Well, it's made for me"
How evergreen, our group of friends
Don't think we'll say that word again
And soon they'll have the nerve to deck the halls
That we once walked through
One for the money, two for the show
I never was ready, so I watch you go
Sometimes you just don't know the answer
'Til someone's on their knees and asks you
"She would've made such a lovely bride
What a shame she's fucked in the head, " they said
But you'll find the real thing instead
She'll patch up your tapestry that I shred
6. tolerate it / nico pov, he's had it, begging for acknowledgement
I sit and watch you reading with your head low
I wake and watch you breathing with your eyes closed
I sit and watch you
I greet you with a battle hero's welcome
I take your indiscretions all in good fun
I sit and listΠ΅n
While you were out building other worlds, where was I?
Where's that man who'd throw blankets over my barbed wire?
I made you my temple, my mural, my sky
Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life
Drawing hearts in the byline
Always taking up too much space or time
You assume I'm fine, but what would you do if I
Break free and leave us in ruins
Took this dagger in me and removed it
Gain the weight of you then lose it
Believe me, I could do it
If it's all in my head, tell me now
Tell me I've got it wrong somehow
I know my love should be celebrated
But you tolerate it
7. coney island / lewis pov, doesn't understand what changed, grief towards the relationship
Break my soul in two looking for you
But you're right here
If I can't relate to you anymore
Then who am I related to?
Did I close my fist around something delicate?
Did I shatter you?
And I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island
Wondering, "Where did my baby go?"
The fast times, the bright lights, the merry-go
Sorry for not making you my centerfold
Do you miss the rogue
Who coaxed you into paradise and left you there?
Will you forgive my soul
When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?
'Cause we were like the mall before the internet
It was the one place to be
The mischief, the gift-wrapped suburban dreams
Sorry for not winning you an arcade ring
And when I got into the accident
The sight that flashed before me was your face
But when I walked up to the podium
I think that I forgot to say your name
When the sun goes down
The sight that flashed before me was your face
When the sun goes down
But I think that I forgot to say your name
Over and over
8. peace / decisions and confessions
Our coming-of-age has come and gone
Suddenly the summer, it's clear
I never had the courage of my convictions
As long as danger is near
And it's just around the corner, darling
'Cause it lives in me
No, I could never give you peace
All these people think love's for show
But I would die for you in secret
The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me
Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?
And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences
Sit with you in the trenches
Give you my wild, give you a child
Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other
Family that I chose, now that I see your brother as my brother
Is it enough?
But the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me
Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?
9. exile / conflict within themselves
I can see you standing, honey
With his arms around your body
Laughin', but the joke's not funny at all
I think I've seen this film before
And I didn't like the ending
You're not my homeland anymore
So what am I defending now?
You were my town
Now I'm in exile, seein' you out
I think I've seen this film before
I can see you starin', honey
Like he's just your understudy
Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me
I think I've seen this film before
And I didn't like the ending
I'm not your problem anymore
So who am I offending now?
You were my crown
Now I'm in exile, seein' you out
I think I've seen this film before
So I'm leavin' out the side door
So step right out, there is no amount
Of crying I can do for you
All this time
We always walked a very thin line
You didn't even hear me out (you didn't even hear me out)
You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)
I never learned to read your mind (never learned to read my mind)
I couldn't turn things around (you never turned things around)
'Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)
10. All Too Well (10 Min) / Recap of everything that went down, trip down memory lane, receipts for combat (11. the archer)
And I, left my scarf there at your sister's house
And you've still got it in your drawer even now
And I can picture it after all these days
And I know it's long gone and that magic's not here no more
And I might be okay but I'm not fine at all
You almost ran the red 'cause you were lookin' over at me
Your cheeks were turning red
You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin-sized bed
And your mother's telling stories 'bout you on the tee-ball team
You told me 'bout your past thinking your future was me
'Til we were dead and gone and buried
Check the pulse and come back swearing, it's the same
After three months in the grave
And then you wondered where it went to as I reached for you
But all I felt was shame
And you held my lifeless frame
And I know it's long gone and there was nothing else I could do
And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to
'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night
We're dancing 'round the kitchen in the refrigerator light
And there we are again when nobody had to know
You kept me like a secret, but I kept you like an oath
And maybe we got lost in translation
Maybe I asked for too much
But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up
Running scared, I was there
I remember it all too well
And you call me up again just to break me like a promise
So casually cruel in the name of being honest
I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here
'Cause I remember it all, all, all
Too well
They say all's well that ends well
But I'm in a new hell every time
You double-cross my mind
The idea you had of me, who was she?
A never-needy, ever-lovely jewel
Whose shine reflects on you
That's what happened: You
You who charmed my dad with self-effacing jokes
Sippin' coffee like you're on a late-night show
But then he watched me watch the front door all night
Willin' you to come
And he said: It's supposed to be fun
Turning 21
Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it
I'd like to be my old self again
But I'm still trying to find it
But you keep my old scarf from that very first week
'Cause it reminds you of innocence
And it smells like me
You can't get rid of it
'Cause there we are again when I loved you so
Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known
It was rare, I was there
I remember it all too well
And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue?
Just between us, did the love affair maim you too?
'Cause in this city's barren cold
I still remember the first fall of snow
And how it glistened as it fell
I remember it all too well
Just between us, did the love affair maim you all too well?
Just between us, do you remember it all too well?
11. The Archer / pre-climax
Combat, I'm ready for combat
I say I don't want that, but what if I do?
'Cause cruelty wins in the movies
I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you
Easy they come, easy they go
I jump from the train, I ride off alone
Dark side, I search for your dark side
But what if I'm alright, right, right, right here?
I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost
The room is on fire, invisible smoke
And all of my heroes die all alone
Help me hold onto you
I've been the archer
I've been the prey
Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling?
But who could stay?
Can you see right through me?
They see right through me
I see right through me
All the king's horses, all the king's men
Couldn't put me together again
'Cause all of my enemies started out friends
Help me hold onto you
I've been the archer
I've been the prey
Who could ever leave me, darling?
But who could stay?
You could stay
Combat, I'm ready for combat
12. The Great War / self explanatory, climax. screaming, crying, throwing up (but well see 13 & 14)
My knuckles were bruised like violets
Sucker punching walls, cursed you as I sleep-talked
Tore your banners down, took the battle underground
And maybe it was ego swinging
You drew up some good faith treaties
I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone
You said I have to trust more freely
But diesel is desire, you were playin' with fire
And maybe it's the past that's talkin'
Screamin' from the crypt
Tellin' me to punish you for things you never did
So I justified it
It turned into something bigger
Somewhere in the haze, got a sense I'd been betrayed
Your finger on my hair pin triggers
Soldier down on that icy ground
Looked up at me with honor and truth
Broken and blue, so I called off the troops
That was the night I nearly lost you
I really thought I lost you
There's no morning glory, it was war, it wasn't fair
And we will never go back
To that bloodshed, crimson clover
Uh-huh, the worst was over
My hand was the one you reached for
All throughout the Great War
Always remember
Uh-huh, we're burned for better
I vowed I would always be yours
'Cause we survived the Great War
13. Say Don't Go / turnaround
I've known it from the very start
We're a shot in the darkest dark
I'm standin' on a tightrope alone
I hold my breath a little bit longer
Halfway out the door, but it won't close
I'm holdin' out hope for you to
Say, "Don't go"
I would stay forever if you say, "Don't go"
Now I'm pacin' on shaky ground
Strike a match, then you blow it out
Oh no, oh no, it's not fair
Why'd you have to (why'd you have to)
Make me want you (make me want you)?
Why'd you have to (why'd you have to)
Give me nothin' back?
Why'd you have to (why'd you have to)
Make me love you (make me love you)?
I said, "I love you" (I said, "I love you")
You say nothin' back
Why'd you have to lead me on? (Oh)
Why'd you have to twist the knife?
Walk away and leave me bleedin', bleedin'?
Why'd you whisper in the dark
Just to leave me in the night?
Now your silence has me screamin', screamin'
go"
I would stay forever if you say, "don't go"
But you won't, but you won't, but you won't
14. this is me trying / nico, post-retirement-ish, rough patch, regrets
I've been having a hard time adjusting
I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting
I didn't know if you'd care if I came back
I have a lot of regrets about that
I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying
They told me all of my cages were mental
So I got wasted like all my potential
And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad
I have a lot of regrets about that
I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere
Fell behind on my classmates, and I ended up here
Pouring out my heart to a stranger
But I didn't pour the whiskey
And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound
It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you
You're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town
And I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying
(...)
At least I'm trying
15. You're Losing Me / the end, melancholy, relationship finale pt.1, friends? we're not friends vibes
You say, "I don't understand, " and I say, "I know you don't"
Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?
I'm getting tired even for a phoenix
Always risin' from the ashes
Mendin' all her gashes
You might just have dealt the final blow
Stop, you're losin' me
I can't find a pulse
My heart won't start anymore
For you
'Cause you're losin' me
How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?
I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick
My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick
And the air is thick with loss and indecision
I know my pain is such an imposition
And you know what they all say
You don't know what you got until it's gone
How long could we be a sad song
'Til we were too far gone to bring back to life?
I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy
And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier
Fighting in only your army
Frontlines, don't you ignore me
You're losin' me
Stop (stop, stop), you're losin' me
Stop (stop, stop), you're losin' me
I can't find a pulse
My heart won't start anymore
16. my tears ricochet / the final blow, relationship finale pt.2, dead and gone and buried
If I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes too
Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe
All the hell you gave me?
'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you
'Til my dying day
And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?
Cursing my name, wishing I stayed
Look at how my tears ricochet
You know I didn't want to have to haunt you
But what a ghostly scene
You wear the same jewels that I gave you
As you bury me
I didn't have it in myself to go with grace
'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave
And I can go anywhere I want
Anywhere I want, just not home
And you can aim for my heart, go for blood
But you would still miss me in your bones
I didn't have it in myself to go with grace
And so the battleships will sink beneath the waves
You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same
Cursing my name, wishing I stayed
You turned into your worst fears
And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain
Crossing out the good years
17. Breathe / cause and effect, acceptance
I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time
Now I don't know what to be without you around
And we know it's never simple,
Never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
And sometimes it doesn't work out,
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out
I can't,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to
18. Is it Over? / resentment, bitterness, both sides, in your face type of vibes
I slept all alone
You still wouldn't go
And did you think I didn't see you?
There were flashing lights
At least I had the decency
To keep my nights out of sight
Only rumors 'bout my hips and thighs
Was it over then?
And is it over now?
When you lost control
Red blood, white snow
Blue dress on a boat
Your new girl is my clone
Let's fast forward to three hundred awkward blind dates later
If she's got blue eyes, I will surmise that you'll probably date her
You dream of my mouth before it called you a lying traitor
You search in every model's bed for something greater
Oh, Lord, I think about
Jumping off of very tall somethings
Just to see you come running
And say the one thing I've been wanting
But no
19. The Way That I Loved You / reminiscing, flashbacks
He is sensible and so incredible
And all my single friends are jealous
He says everything I need to hear, and it's like
I couldn't ask for anything better
He respects my space
And never makes me wait
And he calls exactly when he says he will
He's close to my mother
Talks business with my father
He's charming and endearing
And I'm comfortable
He can't see the smile I'm faking
And my heart's not breaking
'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all
And you were wild and crazy
Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated
Got away by some mistake and now
I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
It's 2 a.m. and I'm cursing your name
I'm so in love that I acted insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breaking down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kind of rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you
20. I Bet You Think About Me / again with the reminiscing of the past, their lives, a bit of knife digging in the wound, I bet you think about me while thinking about them, double sided sword there
3 a.m. and I'm still awake, I'll bet you're just fine
Well, I tried to fit in with your upper-crust circles
Yeah, they let me sit in back when we were in love
Oh, they sit around talkin' 'bout the meaning of life
And the book that just saved 'em that I hadn't heard of
But now that we're done and it's over
I bet you couldn't believe
When you realized I'm harder to forget than I was to leave
And I bet you think about me
You grew up in a silver-spoon, gated community
Glamorous, shiny, bright Beverly Hills
I was raised on a farm, no, it wasn't a mansion
Just livin' room dancin' and kitchen table bills
But you know what they say, you can't help who you fall for
And you and I fell like an early spring snow
The voices so loud sayin', "Why did you let her go?"
Does it make you feel sad
That the love that you're lookin' for
Is the love that you had?
Now you're out in the world, searchin' for your soul
Scared not to be hip, scared to get old
Chasing make-believe status, last time you felt free
Was when none of that shit mattered 'cause you were with me
I bet you think about me in your house
With your organic shoes and your million-dollar couch
I bet you think about me
21. Now That We Don't Talk / they still check in on each other, instead of talking, the end
You went to a party
I heard from everybody
You part the crowd like the Red Sea
Don't even get me started
Did you get anxious though
On the way home?
You grew your hair long
You got new icons
You didn't have to change
But I guess I don't have a say
I call my mom, she said that it was for the best
Remind myself the more I gave, you'd want me less
I cannot be your friend
So I pay the price of what I lost
And what it cost
I don't have to pretend I like acid rock
Or that I'd like to be on a mega yacht
With important men who think important thoughts
Guess maybe I am better off
Now that we don't talk
And the only way back to my dignity
Was to turn into a shrouded mystery
Just like I had been when you were chasing me
Guess this is how it was to be
Now that we don't talk
i tried to make this short- i tried and did not succeed.
when i listen to songs i see stories and i connect them, all that jazz. I saw this.
i apologise to everyone who's normal about brocedes, im not apparently.
You booked the night train for a reason
So you could sit there in this hurt
Bustling crowds or silent sleepers
You're not sure which is worse
Because I dropped your hand while dancing
Left you out there standing
Crestfallen on the landing
Champagne problems