#🪐 – navi

[softkiseu]

𖥻𝟑𝟒ᱺ ! 🧳🚲  ֶָ֪ 𓄹𓈒۰⸼ lost mind, found heart

[kaiserkisser]

welcome

"evil expects evil from others."

STATUS: BRAIN HAS RUN OUT OF PROCESSING POWER, PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER

⋆ ˚୨୧⋆ skylia, she/her, teen, minor

⋆ ˚୨୧⋆ diehard xiao, kaiser, dan heng and soukoku kisser (im totally normal for them all i swear (im lying)), currently hyperfixating on bsd a bit too much

⋆ ˚୨୧⋆ multifandom main/ interaction blog

.｡.:*☆ links:- about me || rules/byf || my beloved mutuals 1 | mutuals 2 || tagging system || carrd || important! ◃:.☆❃

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ please note!

-please keep in mind that i shitpost and ramble and reblog a lot on this blog. also, please do read the rules and byf!

-i use a lot of small emoticons and tonetags especially, and i keyboard smash a lot. i usually avoid interacting first bc im shy and awkward like that

-but if and when i do open up, i often interact a lot. if u dont like/want that, pls do lmk i will take no offence /gen

-i have a tendency to apologize all the time for every small thing no matter how close/distant we are, and i also tend to overthink a LOT before interacting, often deleting stuff i was gonna send out of anxiety, so please excuse that :') it would be great if others could interact with me first, even though i promise ill make my efforts to reach out too <3

*+:｡.｡.｡:+* dni -> 18+ only blogs ,NSFW blogs, bots, haters, proshippers, general dni criteria. If i feel uncomfortable I will block you. Please avoid interacting with me if you are above 25-30 or so unless you know im comfortable with it (you can ask me first and interacts with my works though)

(other blogs utc-i mostly rb bsd stuff on bsd sb)

.・゜゜・other blogs:-

»» writing blog: @xiaosonlybeloved (i write for bsd, genshin, and bllk as of now)

»» mutuals ONLY can ask for my selfship and priv rant blogs <3

»» bsd sb: @chuuya-kisser (insanely active there)

»» art sb: @skylia-draws

»» modern au dazai rp blog: @modernzai (pls interact with me lmfao)

»» 18! dazai rp blog: @mackerel-executive

»» sskk childhood friends akutagawa rp blog: @lil-rashoumon

»» if you find my old jjk blog good for you

*♡∞:｡.｡ currently doing: reading fics, (stu)dying, farming for arlecchino my queen

putting this and this and this here bc i want to read everything

thank you for your time :)

creds: dividers by @cafekitsune, first and last pics and headers from pinterest, pfp from this post

[stqrriichiigo]

STERNRITTER " I " THE IRON : CANG DU —

#WANDENREICH STERNRITTER : -‘๑’- ARII%DOMINIQUE. s-her. fifteen. jamaican. cang du's ride or die. #1 getou girlie. ichigo's gf. ★girl interlude.

— ❝ 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐍𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐈! ★ 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐑𝐄𝐆𝐔𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒! ★ 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐍𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑'𝐒 𝐃𝐎𝐂𝐔𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒!

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓! ★ 𝟓✰ 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐒!

© stqrriischiigo2023. all rights reserved. don't repost, modify, translate nor plagiarize my work on other platforms such as, wattpad or aO3.

STQRRIICHIIGO IS AT THE MOMENT ::

ON A HIATUS%OFFLINE%INACTIVE

[thyme-in-a-bubble]

me scrolling to find the request to procrastinate 🧍‍♀️

...idk maybe it could be a little bit comforting to read 👀

(and it's SHORT! so it won't be procrastination, just a tiny and well-deserved break)

[angeliicheartt]

ᴍᴜᴛᴜᴀʟꜱ’ ᴛᴀɢꜱ ! (ɪɴᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ)

#💍 vinnie darling ! @diqldrunks (my fiancé)

#❄️ giselle ! @pxgeturner

#🐭 mick ! @lunarfleur

#⭐️ star ! @starfa11

#🍄 liz ! @juneberrie

#🐝 kylie ! @imabee-oralizard

#🧚‍♀️ ara ! @lafleshlumpeater

#🪽 lea ! @leaskisses444

#🍒 belly ! @bellybumm

#🐚 sea ! @lazydreamer19

#🔮 nix ! @thehalfbloodedwitch

#🌀 nova ! @shefollowedthestars

#🍁 nyx ! @doyouknowwhoyouare13

#🌑 hana ! @folklore-girl

#🐇 elia ! @lesbianjackies

#🪻fern ! @cauliflowertree

#💫 augustine ! @reputationgf

#🪐 gabi ! @sincerelyyoursg

#🌿 ivy ! @inkluvs

#🐯 mystique ! @sonics-atelier

#🎀 dolly ! @fclklqre

#🎸 sen ! @seneon

#⛪️ willow ! @willowtreee33

#🌥️ kyo ! @kyo-moon

#💵 liv ! @lunatiqez

#🪷 juno ! @satelitis

#🧸 frans ! @miyamoratsumuu

#🦷 rosalyn ! @frostbitte

#🌻 eumy ! @seumyo

#🍡 angie ! @mqshido

#🌙 august ! @sepptember

#🦊 nikki ! @foxnikki

#🪩 ana ! @whenanafallsinlove

#✨ kovu ! @kovu-bunnbunn

#🌸 saku ! @sweetheartsaku

#🪼 skye ! @kozumesphone

#🌷 isko ! @ii2ko

#🍰 saph ! @psuedosugu

#🗝️ vi ! @sviidoll

#🌱 kosu ! @sunolls

#🗡️ rue ! @rueclfer

#🪷 livvy ! @tenyasblkwife

(if we are mutuals and you don’t have a tag up here send me an ask with which emoji you’d like <3)

[musecraft]

🪐 — spotify wrapped memes : @shadowcovcn ( edward ) for izzy # 98 ▶ rodeo by lil nas x

THOUGH HE'D THREATENED to leave more than once over the long years they'd sailed together, it had always been spoken out of frustration, empty of any genuine truth. but izzy can tell by the hard look in ed's eyes that this is different — this is real. ❝ i thought you would stay with me. ❞ terror wells up inside him, the idea of a future without his captain at his side utterly unknowable. ❝ i'm yours, you're mine. ❞ his hand flexes, longing to reach for ed. but izzy resists the urge toward gentleness, as he always does. instead he curls his fingers into a fist at his side, well-worn leather tightening over his knuckles. even now, his body remembers its place. yet his voice proves more difficult to control, words that are entirely-too-honest spilling out of him in a panic before izzy can stop them. ❝ & what am i gonna do ? i don't have a clue — there is no me without you. ❞

[j4emvely]

user : aria , she / her , minor

[saturngas]

sloppy head while watching tv

[🪐] you give your boyfriend a sloppy blowjob just because

pairing: gojo satoru x f!reader

genre: smut

warnings: established relationship; size kink; a little bit of oral fixation; dirty talk; ball play; me dedicating two paragraphs to describing this man's pretty cock;

word count: 2.3k

..

beaming light came from the tv, giving a cozy setting to the living room. your boyfriend was wearing his pitch black glasses since his very sensitive eyes would be burning from the radiance.

your legs were sprawled out and tangled with satoru´s on the cushiony lovesac couch, you on top of his strong body. heavy, strong arms were wrapped around your waist while one of his large hands was stroking the exposed skin of your low back. your head rested on his hard chest while his chin laid on top of your head, your soft locks tickling his jawline.

the movie was once interesting, until a scene where the main male character was stripping off his clothes to start his training arc made you a bit warm in the inside. the actor wasn't your celebrity crush or anything in particular, but seeing his strong built body kind of reminded you of the godlike boyfriend you had beneath you.

after said scene, you couldn't keep your hands off satoru´s body. and of course he appreciated all your undivided attention on him, humming at every given touch. satoru even felt relived that actor knocked some sense into you so you would touch him. the way he would always be touch starved with you is indescribable.

your eyes were on the tv but your mind was getting high from the mere touch of your hands on satoru´s warm skin underneath his oversized sweater. hard mountains of pecs adorning his chest while strong abs would flex at your touch. he looked so good the moment he stepped out of the bathroom after a shower with his casual clothes already on.

his black uniform complemented his pale skin and snowy hair so well, along with the black blindfold, but when he changed for casual clothing, you could feel heat rushing to your core. being his girlfriend granted these heavenly views whenever you would be at home or going out for a date. satoru liked looking good. he was one for fashion. he had never mentioned something about it to you, but you knew he was picky with his outfits, always wanting everything to match and make out a nice looking aesthetic. he once was so troubled a new pair of navy blue pants didn't suit with a stylish jacket he already owned.

you would always tell him he looked handsome as well. and oh how flustered he would get. even after years of being together, he wasn't really used to your compliments. he loved your words of affirmation. even though satoru loved talking so high about himself—he was very aware of the man he was—, his cheeks would burn at any given praised from anyone, especially you.

one of your hands started exploring his back muscles while the other stayed on the front, roaming through his well-built abs. a single finger tracing his linea alba between his abs until stopping at the hem of his sweatpants. you heard the white haired man's breath sharpen at your sudden stop, the hand stroking at your lower back aiming to your bum; long fingers tracing the outline of your ass over your leggings.

still your hands wouldn't stop teasing his sensitive skin, his confirmations to keep going being his low hums buzzing from his chest. your smile turned into a smirk the moment you heard a whimper coming from his parted lips as your hand finally trespassed his sweatpants and underwear, going for the big prize. his hand grabbed a handful of your ass while his free hand went to your hair, caressing your scalp.

"oh baby..." he whimpered as your delicate fingers wrapped around his hardening cock. "don't start something you can't finish." there he was with his snarky comments even when he was in the lower position. you looked up to see his blushing face. rosy lips parted slightly to let out short hot breaths while his forehead was glittering with fresh sweat.

the hand that was previously on his back flew to his face to take of his rectangular glasses, tossing them somewhere in the room. his baby blue eyes were half lidded, a dark blue molding in the depths of his irises, a signal of his growing lust for you.

"it's okay, my angel boy," one hand stroking up and down his large cock as the other caressed lovingly the side of his face. "im sure I'll finish this." you said smugly, turning your boyfriend on even more. his dick twitched at your words and that was your cue to move your hand quicker, pressing lightly at his head, making satoru let out a loud moan, gripping your ass tighter this time.

your lips collapsed with his in a passionate kiss. your tongues danced desperately at the intense feeling of arousal invading your bodies. satoru hummed in the kiss, sending vibrations down your throat. his wet tongue explored the insides of your mouth while your hand stroked him vigorously, his gooey pre-cum coating your entire hand. satoru couldn't stop kissing you, devouring your mouth with his own. heat driving his primal instincts to the limit.

you broke the kiss to place brief pecks down his neck, stopping slightly only to nibble at the pale skin. a sudden sense of possessiveness traveled up your body all the way to your mouth, leaving wet red marks on his collarbones. you raised his sweatshirt to tickle his nipples with your lips, sucking at them. your tongue danced desperately around his hardened bud while the hand that was on his pretty face moved to keep wandering off his strong body. the tall man moaned quietly while tightening his hold in your nape and ass. your lips left his titties with a loud pop, admiring your work in the form of rosy and bruised nipples. your mouth then proceeded to trace wet kisses down his chest and torso, sucking at the skin of his abs. oh how you loved them.

the hand showering his cock with attention left its place to quickly disregard of his pants and boxers, only lowering them enough to give yourself great access to his beautiful cock and heavy balls.

time was not wasted as you hold his long cock from the base. goodness. how you loved this pretty cock. satoru was truly blessed by the gods with such attractive physique, he had nothing to feel self-conscious about. his dick was the same tone as his skin; his head being noticeably rosier, almost mimicking the color of his pretty lips. you admired his long member, your eyes tracing each vein, accentuating on a particular one that ran from his pretty base to his head. you could've swear you have felt that exact vein caressing your wet walls when your boyfriend would thrust into you slowly enough to feel every inch of him. you pussy clenched around nothing at the thought.

his corpus spongiosum only made his cock appear thicker than it already was. his head glistened as you smeared the dripping precum around it. hungry gaze now at his large balls, which seemed to be twitching with the forming semen that was preparing to be shot at your touch.

your mouth was salivating at the mere sight of the pretty cock in front of you. your hands looked so small when they grabbed his thick base.

"my goodness, toru," you almost moaned. "never getting tired of this big cock." you sent him a playful wink, which he responded with a groan and a gentle tug at your hair. your hand moved painfully slowly up and down his long cock.

"yeah?" he gulped breathlessly, lustful eyes glaring down at you. "since you like it so much, you should wrap that pretty little mouth of yours around it and suck it dry." oh. his dirty talk did wonders to you, even now where you literally had him wrapped around your fingers. your core started to burn at just his lewd words, feeling your panties get sticky from your arousal.

"you want me to do that, baby?" he nodded eagerly. "it's okay, toru, use your big boy words." you said as you stopped deliberately at the top of his thick cock, squeezing shamelessly at head. a sea of precum sprouted from his hole.

oh how he loved you when you were like this. you felt his cock throb and grow impossibly harder at your words. a large palm hugged the side of your face, his thumb caressing your bottom lip as it pressed against your lips. you parted them slightly only to give full entrance to his thick digit. low hums coming from your throat inviting him to push his thumb further into your mouth as you started sucking it, your spit coating his wrist. wide eyes looked up at him.

"yeah just like that. want you to suck my cock the way you're sucking my thumb," satoru groaned. you hollowed your cheeks around his thick digit, making him moan out loud. his burly body was adorned with glistening skin from the hot sweat framing every inch of his body.

you released his finger with a loud pop. satoru coated your lips with your own saliva using his wet thumb. he brought his hand to his face to taste you himself, sucking deliciously at his own thumb.

the sight made you salivate even more, being more than ready to take the long thick cock in front of you once and for all. you pumped him a few times before moving your lips closer to his fat head. precum being used as lipgloss as you rubbed his head against your lips. satoru almost let out a pornographic moan at the view, he loved it when you were freaky like that.

bliss clouded satoru's mind once you wrapped your pretty lips around his shaft. your mouth achingly punctured around his size. even though you have already taken him multiple times before, your holes still had to adjust to his exquisite width. you took him as far as you could, relaxing your throat muscles to get more of his lengths.

still, several inches of him were waiting for your warm mouth, so you curl your fingers around him. you set a steady rhythm where your bobbed your head up and down following the motion of your hand. his hips couldn't help but jerk up at the feeling of warmth enveloping him.

"oh... yeah... j-just like that, ba-byy," satoru cried hopelessly at your erotic movements. your hot mouth driving him crazy.

once your throat finally bottomed out, you sloppily took a couple of more inches down. satoru banged his head against the backrest and howled loudly. he was being very vocal.

"oh my sweet girl..." a long whine left his lips when you hollowed your cheeks around his length. "y-you are be-being so... so good t-to me..." his voice shivered as his hand went back to your face, caressing lovingly your hot cheeks.

you continued sucking him messily, the accumulating saliva dropping down his long length and down your chin, meeting his thighs and balls below. the hand that was not busy with his cock caught his heavy balls in a soothing massage, rubbing them and playing with them as if there were a pair of marbles.

"ahh~ oh~~ y-you are so... oh... pretty with that big... ahh... cock stretching your p-pretty lips." he couldn't stop moaning with an open mouht, being noisy as hell. you knew you were doing a great job when satoru was being uncontrollably talkative.

the tv light framed your silhouette in such a sensual way it made satoru roll his azure eyes to the back of his head. your head never ceasing the bouncing on his cock. you felt him throbbing when you hummed once his tip was deeply pressing down your throat, tickling at your uvula and targeting the gag reflexes you manually turned off.

his balls started twitching and your boyfriend became even more vocal, a set of loud cries and whimpers harmonizing your ears. it served as an indicator he was very close to his release. you continued humming around him until you felt something snapped.

satoru grabbed a handful of your hair to guide your mouth even deeper down his shaft. tears prickled at your eyes when you took all of him, gagging nosily as his white pubes tickled your nose, your spit creating a shiny coat around his length.

"come on, pretty girl..." he groaned, now using both hands to push your head further down. "take that cock, I k-know you can." you looked up at him glossy eyes, making satoru shiver in his place, letting out a growl. his hips thrusted into your face, satoru unable to control his movements, while his abs flexed along his biceps. you had one hand on his muscular thigh supporting yourself from the applied force, and the other continuing to play with his balls.

a teardrop cascaded down your rosy cheeks as your remaining oxygen was consuming quickly. you whorled his balls and squeezed them hardly. that was all it took for satoru to cum all over your mouth.

pure ecstasy filled his entire being, leaving his body trembling and releasing hot creamy liquid from his aching cock.

"ahh! ohh~ baby..." he cried the loudest as his arms lost their force on you to let you breathe and his hips ceased their furious thrusts. your mouth still agape panting harshly as warm spills of cum decorated your wet insides. your hand stroke him vigorously, urging him to finish his white leaking in your mouth. his hips jolt at his finishing release as he finally came from his high.

"show me, please," he begged as he tapped gently at your cheek. you swallowed his cum vulgarly, then stuck out your clean tongue. "that's my sweet girl." his smirk made you blush like crazy. you abandoned his softening cock after giving it a tiny kiss and climbed up to him, encircling your arms around his neck. "thank you so much, baby."

"you are so welcome, toru, but now you gotta take care of me."

[euphor1a]

hello! 🎧

Lissie hiii!! i’m sorry for taking like a decade to reply hdgjfjjgbfhj but here are a few songs that kinda remind me of your blog ^^

x

x

send me a 🎧 and i’ll assign your blog a song i like, based on the vibes/aes! <3

[softkiseu]

𖥻𝟑𝟏ᱺ ! 🎱📱  ֶָ֪ 𓄹𓈒۰⸼ chaotic yet beautiful

@chaos-moon [♡]

[writingsonsaturn]

fake dating with tim bradford?

r needs a date to a family members wedding and she wants to go with a friend and tim is more than willing. unrequited love and maybe a little smut??

dress - tim bradford

{ masterlist }

🪐: omg 2 fics in one day?? anyways this is nastyyy smut lmfao enjoy!

word count: 2.2k

content warning: minors DNI, smut, oral (fem rec), fingering, talk of emotionally abusive parents?? if i missed anything lmk!

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

Your head bobbed with stress, your sister's wedding was this weekend and you still hadn't been able to find a date willing to accompany you. You had thought it would be easy, the moment you mentioned there would be an open bar you imagined people would be more than willing, but alas you had been wrong.

“Hey, L/n! You almost finished with the case file?” your friend and coworker Tim Bradford asked, “yeah it's finished” you replied with a sigh. “Then what are you stressin’ over?” He sat in front of your desk with a comforting smile, “my sister's wedding is this Saturday and I need a date, but havent got one yet.” you let out an exasperated sigh. 

Your mother has been on your case lately about getting your life ‘in order’. Constantly being compared to your sister was exhausting, you were never fast enough to catch up to your sister's achievements, and none of your own were good enough. “I’ll go with you” Tim interrupted your self-deprecating thoughts, “oh god Tim, you don't have to.” you tried to deflect but Tim insisted “hey, come on it'll be fun! And your mom already knows me so it'll be more believable if i'm your date then some random dude you met on tinder.” You smiled at his kindness.

You packed up your stuff, dropping your case file onto Greys desk. “Alright, well you can’t back out now. Saturday, suit and tie, four o’ clock.” you stated, pointing your finger at him. He smiled “wouldn't miss seeing you in a fancy dress for the world!” he shouted at you with a laugh.

Tim had always been your secret little work crush, he was kind to you and always had been. You both had a similar upbringing, and you bonded over that aspect. You had transferred into the precinct after moving from Orange County, you had decided you needed a new start and the LAPD had an opening for a detective and you decided to take the opportunity.

Your mother was less than pleased that you would be moving an hour away, but you were desperate to get out of her grasp. 

When you left the station your cheeks were red, and flushed. A big smile was present on your face at the image of Tim being your date to your sister’s wedding. Besides the fact he was insanely good looking, he was also just a sweet and gentle guy. Which was the complete opposite of your sister’s soon-to-be husband, and you finally felt as if you were one step ahead of your sister for the first time in your life.

On Saturday morning, you got up earlier than usual to start getting ready. Your stomach had been twisted with butterflies all morning, your dress was a navy blue fitted dress with a slit that went to your mid thigh and had a square neck. The dress flattered every aspect of your body, your hair was done in a half up half down style with a slight wave, and your shoes were black heels with securing straps going up your calf and tying just under your knee.

The sound of your heartbeat quickened as the numbers on the clock counted up towards the time you had given Tim, as if the direct moment the clock struck four there was a knock on your front door. 

Walking to the front door felt like it was taking forever, every millisecond it took you to walk to the door made your body fill with that much more anxiety. You opened the door to see Tim standing in a nice black tuxedo and a bowtie, “Oh wow, you know i’ve never seen you in a tux before but i think i like it” you snorted, walking out and closing the door to lock it. “Y/n you look-” Tim seemed flabbergasted, looking you up and down “you look absolutely beautiful” he finished his compliment. 

You blushed at his comment whispering a silent “thank you” before you both walked to the car, Tim opened the passenger side door for you. He ran around the backside of the car to get into the driver's side, “are you ready?” he asked with a small hint of reassurement. “Yeah! Let’s get this party started.” your voice was flat and lacked enthusiasm causing Tim to let out a hushed laugh. 

The venue wasn’t far, but the high tension in the car made the journey feel like an eternity. Tim barely looked at you and his knuckles were bright white with the grip he had on the steering wheel, you weren’t sure what was wrong, and you were scared to find out. You wondered if it was possibly because of the current case he was working, you knew he was put on the task of finding the drug lord and breaking into his circle but he hadn’t told you much about it.

You had simply just let it be, not wanting anything to cause your sister’s night to be ruined. Looking to your right you watch the trees pass, you become further and further away from the city. 

The wedding had gone as good as expected, your sister was giddy and excited to finally solidify her man as her husband. Tim had to hand you a tissue after your sister said her vows, although the two of you had hardships she was still your big sister and you were more than happy for her.

“Fancy seeing you here Tim, I didn’t think y/n was going to show up with anyone. Let alone someone as handsome as you.” your mother remarked, causing your mood to dampen. Tim’s arm went around your waist, pulling you towards his body, “Actually, I wanted to be here. I'm surprised I got a chance with such a great woman” Tim’s stern face glared at your mother’s as he told her off, politely. 

You hid your small smile, as your mother left with an annoyed look.

“Your mom is just ridiculous,” Tim laughed.

“Oh god, I know! I'm so sorry” you said with embarrassment.

You and Tim talked on your way up to the reception hall, the conversation flowed naturally. 

For a second, and only just a second, you allowed yourself to imagine Tim as your lover, the ease that came with talking to him made him feel like a breath of fresh air. Your heart deflated when the false reality you had encapsulated yourself in for a second was interrupted by your sister coming up to you, “y/n your seats are over there next to mom’s table, please just try and be nice to her, don't ruin this night for me.” your sister spoke loudly, you just nodded and walked over to the table while Tim got you two drinks.

Sitting alone was awful, your mom had free reign to talk to you without another person around, and you had no way of defending yourself without her causing a scene. “I don’t know your game y/n, but Tim is too good for you. He deserves a nice, well rounded woman. Don’t force him into a relationship with you, because you and I know damn well you aren’t good enough for him. Don’t be selfish.” your mother finished, before going back to her table to fake kindness to the others. 

Tim had noticed your shift in mood and he knew why, as he waited for the drinks to be poured for the two of you he watched your mother come over. He saw the way you shrunk into yourself and your eyes glossed over, he never liked your mom, everytime she would come into the station he noticed how you immediately changed your demeanor. The way your smile would falter and your back would straighten, he hated it.

He brought the drinks over to your shared table, “Here's the drink, sorry it took so long, i'm starting to think people just came for the free alcohol” Tim tried to cheer you up with a shitty joke. You smiled only to appease him but he knew you better than you thought, “actually could you come with me to the bathroom? I don't want to get lost in this place, I think it's haunted." This time Tim’s joke landed and caused a giggle to come out of you, “Yeah, I'll protect you from the big scary ghosts'' you joked, getting up from your seat to accompany Tim on his travels.

“The men’s bathroom is just on the ri-” you were cut off by the sudden pressing of Tim’s lips to yours, you immediately kissed back with vigor. He pushed your back up against the wall, As much as you wanted this all you could hear were your mom’s word circle through your head “Tim.. I- we can’t” you tried catching your breath.

“Why y/n? Is this because you don’t want it or because your mom told you, you shouldn’t?” he questioned with a stoic face, eager to get his lips back on yours.

“You deserve someone better than me, Tim” 

“You are someone better, y/n” his desperate voice needed you to understand what he was telling you.

“Do you want this?” he asked, his eyes scanning your face, trying to determine your body language. “Yes” you said quietly, afraid that this was all some cruel joke. With that he continued to kiss you, pushing you into the bathroom. 

You felt his warm hands roaming your body, “do you know how long i've wanted this? How long i've wanted to feel your breathing against my skin?” Tim questioned, his lips traveling down your neck softly. You wondered if this had been some kind of sick mind trick that was being stowed upon you in your dreams, but the euphoric touches couldn't be made up. 

Your head lolled back against the door as Tim’s hot breath traveled further down your body, your dress preventing him seeing everything he wanted. 

You whined at the loss of contact before you noticed where he had gone, opening your eyes, you looking down to see Tim getting his knees in front of you. “Oh fuck me.” you breathed out, Tim laughed at your reaction “I would like to, but im not gonna fuck you for the first time in a venue bathroom.”

The feeling of his lip’s returned to your skin, kissing agonizingly slow up your legs. He became increasingly closer to where you needed him most, your soaked core was pulsing for him, his soft eyes looked up at you smiling, allowing his hand to travel up your dress.

“No panties? Dirty girl.” he taunted your lack of clothing, you on the other hand didn’t wear underwear because you didn't want a visible panty line, but you were fine with this too. More than fine actually. 

His fingers teased your wet slit, “where do you want me?” his crisp voice asks. Your breathing hitched at the feeling of his fingers still toying with your hole, “do you want me here?” he traced your throbbing clit, “or here?” he slid his finger towards your hole. 

You were finally able to pull yourself out of the feeling to talk, “I want your mouth and your fingers everywhere” you whined. He decided not to torture you any longer, finally putting his head between your thighs and having his long awaited feast. You nearly doubled over at the feeling of his tongue against your hot cunt, you had dreamed of this moment hundreds of time’s when you were alone in your bedroom. 

You gripped tightly at his gelled hair, “oh fuck, Tim” you moaned trying your best to keep your voice down, but you were failing, with how good Tim’s tongue felt against you, you wouldnt care if the whole world heard you moaning his name. 

He continued his abuse to your clit while simultaneously circling your dripping heat, “is all of this for me?” Tim pretended to not know the answer, he wanted to hear you say it. “All for you Tim, always all for you” you didn’t realize what you had just admitted but Tim hadn’t cared to mock you for it as it only inflated his ego. “You should’ve told me sooner, could have started taking care of you a lot sooner, pretty girl.” he spoke against you before returning to suck at you bundle of nerves.

When he determined you were ready enough, he sunk a digit into your tight cunt. You moaned louder than you had intended, “i- im gonna come” your shaking voice exclaimed. 

Tim only laughed, “Already, baby? Are you that deprived?” he said in a faux concern, groaning against you when you pulled on his hair again. He thrusted his fingers in and out of you, the coil in your stomach continuing to build and tighten before it finally bursted.

He slowed down his pumping, helping you ride through your orgasm. You were breathing heavily as he got up, he held you closely in his arms doing his best to keep you upright. 

“Woah, baby, relax, i've got you” he whispered in your ear and carried you over to the sink, cleaning your mess up. “I don't think I can walk.” you joked, Tim stood between your legs rubbing your thighs soothingly. “It’s okay, i'm in no rush to get back out there believe me” he laughed and tried bringing you back down from the high you were still caught in.

“You wanna ditch?” you smirked with droopy eyes, “they won't miss me”

“Yeah let’s go, need to get home so i can fuck you right”

[seungrem]

lee felix x m!reader

‘Work Husband’ ~*+

summary: Transitioning into a new department can be tough. Luckily, male!reader’s new boss pairs him and Felix together- the two almost immediately having great chemistry. Work-relationships almost always develop into something more, right?

( overview: office AU, soft-top!felix since u guys want it so bad, bottom!reader, smut obviously, protection and all of that, bj + anal, discreet/hidden but in office )

emoji theme:

🪐 ( office AU )

+❄️ ( +18, mdni )

🌱 ( short fic, oneshot - barely 1k words )

☁️ ( = y/n )

likes, comments, & reblogs appreciated ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

“Welcome. It’s a pleasure to have you join us here.. and I’m sorry about your former office.”

A large wooden desk with a few tan files sat inbetween ☁️ and his new boss. Shedding beams into the room, the sun’s golden rays illuminated the frosted glass surrounding the two. ☁️ shook his head lightly, him then smiling at the older woman.

“It’s no problem. As long as this department isn’t anything like the other, this’ll feel like a promotion.” ☁️ brushed his hand against his navy blue sweater and sighed. “Thank you for having me.”

“Like you said, this is kind of like a promotion. I expect great things from you.” The boss stood up as a soft knock erupted from outside of the office. A man with long-ish blonde hair walked in and smiled- first at the boss, and then to ☁️.

“This is who you’ll be assisting. Felix will give you written pieces and ask for revisions until he sees that it’s fit to be published. Unfortunately, we are short staffed by choice, so the work load will be a lot. Please keep up with the given tasks and their deadlines. Felix?”

☁️ turned his head back to the man.

“Hello, nice to meet you. My name is Lee Felix and I’ll be taking care of you. I look forward to working with you.”

☁️ simply smiled and spoke a shy “hello,” as he stood up. “I’m ☁️, it’s nice to meet you as well.” He then thanked the boss for her time and followed Felix out of the room.

“Behave, Felix!” The boss shouted as ☁️ stepped out of the room behind the man. He followed Felix down the left side of the large room, stopping at a set of cubicles that sat against a wall of windows. Started from the floor and touching the ceiling, the view displayed a bustling city. The cubicle was light gray and quite large, with a grey laptop located on the desk inside. Felix walked in and pulled out the large cushioned chair, and looked around awkwardly.

“So.. this is where you’ll be spending a majority of your day. Since it’s so spacious there’s only two cubicles located against the wall on this side of the room. My area is directly in front of yours.” He pointed over the cubicle wall. “If you ever need anything, please just walk over or.. just look over it. Sound good?” Felix explained, his voice soft yet sonorous.

☁️ nodded and smiled bashfully. Felix was remarkably good-looking, which was unusual for an office setting such as this one. The man was pretty much ☁️’s type, too, making him even more nervous than he already was.

“Yes. Thank you, Felix.”

Felix smiled and nodded to the man before leaning against the cubicle’s entrance. He dug his hands beside his white button-up and down into his black pant’s pockets, waiting for ☁️ to sit down before responding.

“Of course. I’ll let you get used to the office before I ask you to do work.”

☁️ acknowledged what he said by nodding and smiling.

After Felix left, ☁️ opened the new computer and typed in his passcode information. For some reason, the office wifi wouldn’t connect, though. After trying for another minute, he stood up and peered over the wall to see a sitting felix.

“Felix?” ☁️ asked, his nose just barely peaking over the wall. Felix smiled and stood up to look over the wall as well.

“What’s up, love?” He asked, placing a hand on the edge to support his weight. ☁️ was initially taken aback by the pet name, but ultimately didn’t mind.

“I can’t get onto the wifi for some reason. Is there a different one that you use?”

“Oh yeah, sorry about that. I guess our tech guy forgot to set that up for you. Jisung always forgets.”

☁️ watched a Felix closed his computer and then made his way back over to his cubicle. As a result, the man sat back down and perked his back up to fixed his posture. Felix strolled in after a few seconds and leaned into ☁️’s computer, his body softly brushing against the man’s shoulder. ☁️ couldn’t take his eyes off of Felix’s side profile as he typed into the computer.

“All right, you’re all set.” He cooed, brushing against ☁️ once again. As Felix was about to leave the cubicle, ☁️ shot up and grabbed his hand. Surprised, he stopped and turned around, still holding ☁️’s hand.

“Sorry if this is weird to ask, but..” ☁️ paused and tilted his head. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

“Oh, no.. not really my type if you know what I mean..”

“Oh okay.. then do you have a significant other- or something?” ☁️ asked.

“No,” Felix smiled and tightened his grip on ☁️’s hand. “but I think I kinda have a crush.”

☁️ knew exactly what he meant and mentally blushed. “Same here. Maybe we could go out sometime?”

“For sure. What’d you have in mind?”

“Would you wanna.. come to my place?”

Felix looked to the side, and then back to ☁️. “We don’t have to wait. Here, follow me.” He said, leading ☁️ into a storage room a few feet away from their work areas. Though the lights were extremely dim as the two hurried in, ☁️ could see the many drawers, bulletin boards, and spare furniture. Felix lightly closed the frosted door and somehow locked it from the inside, him then turning his attention to ☁️. He grabbed ☁️’s hands and held them in his own.

“Do you mind?” Felix asked as he raised one of the man’s hands to his mouth, kissing it. ☁️ shook his head and wrapped his arms around Felix’s neck, Felix reacting by guiding ☁️’s back into the wall behind him. ☁️ pushed Felix’s head forward, allowing the man’s lips to meet his own. Felix’s hands ran down ☁️’s torso, then settling on his hips as ☁️ began french kissing. Felix’s grip on the man’s waist tightened the deeper they kissed, with Felix’s bulge now rubbing against ☁️’s. A few seconds later, Felix pulled away from ☁️- strands of his blonde hair having fallen over his eyes.

“Come over here.” Felix instructed, using a hand to drag ☁️’s wrist over to a small table sitting against the wall. Felix gently pushed ☁️’s shoulder down as he leaned back on the table, leaving ☁️ to fall onto his knees. With a growing bulge right in front of his face, it was only natural for ☁️ to begin unbuttoning the man’s pants.

“Ah.. you’re excited, aren’t you?” Felix teased, a soft chuckle escaping his lips. He ran a finger through ☁️’s hair as the man exposed his dick print, ☁️ then pulling the pants down to Felix’s ankles. Felix began unbuttoning his white top as ☁️ stroked the man’s boner through his gray underwear.

“Can I take it out?” ☁️ asked, continuing to caress it. Felix finished unbuttoning his top, displaying sculpted abs much to ☁️’s liking.

“Go ahead.”

☁️ slowly pulled the man’s underwear down, not anticipating getting smacked by his length.

“Oh, sorry.” Felix laughed. ☁️ rolled his eyes and smiled, him then beginning to stroke Felix’s cock, the man softly whimpering as he did so. ☁️ grinned at the reaction, placing Felix’s dick inside of his mouth and slowly throating it. He leisurely bobbed his head up and down as Felix threw his head back, practically moaning out now.

After a few seconds of steady swallowing, Felix quickly grabbed ☁️’s head and yanked it back. His dick fell out of the man’s mouth dripping in saliva.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to finish yet.” Felix said, kneeling down to match ☁️’s eye level. “Can I get some of this too?” He whispered as he got closer to ☁️, him then reaching behind the man and squeezing his ass.

“Oh, do you have a condom?”

Felix reached behind him and magically pulled out a wrapped condom and a tiny bottle.

“Of course.”

☁️ furrowed his eyebrows and muttered an “alright.” as he followed Felix’s action of standing up. Felix’s skinny dick was still hard and poking out in front of him. Pulling his own pants and underwear off with quickness, ☁️ placed a hand on Felix’s chest.

“You can sit or lay on the table if you’d like, or you can-”

“You should let me do the work.” ☁️ murmured, softly pushing Felix back. Felix smiled and nodded, sliding back to sit on the table. He rolled the condom over his dick as ☁️ climbed on top of him, the man placing his knees beside each of Felix’s thighs. Waiting for him to pour the liquid onto his dick, ☁️ wrapped an arm around Felix’s neck- the man’s chest inches from Felix’s face.

“Alright, go ahead.” Felix muttered, placing his hands on ☁️’s waist and guiding the man down onto his cock. As his pink tip slipped in, ☁️ moaned out and tightened his grip around Felix’s neck.

☁️ now sat entirely on Felix’s dick, moaning softly as he took his time to undulate on it. The two huffed and whimpered as ☁️ began moving steadily on Felix’s dick, with ☁️’s chest still inches from the man’s mouth.

“That’s good.” Felix whispered, his eyebrows furrowed and his ajar lips producing silent moans. ☁️ felt Felix’s lips on his nipple a second later, him sucking and licking as the man bounced. ☁️ sped his undulating form up as Felix moved his hands down to ☁️‘s ass. Guiding him up and down even faster, ☁️ quickly became overstimulated. His knees buckled and he fell into Felix, who pulled away from the man’s nipple and placed his chin into ☁️’s neck.

“Can you keep going?” Felix hummed into ☁️’s ear, rubbing up and down his waist as he waited for an answer. After another few seconds, ☁️ pulled away from Felix and planted a kiss on his cheek.

“Yeah, you can keep going.”

Felix nodded, pulling ☁️ into him and wrapping both of his arms around ☁️’s waist. As Felix began thrusting softly into him, the man wrapped both arms around Felix’s neck. Felix grunted as his thrusts picked up in speed, filling the room with the sounds of clapping and ☁️’s whimpers. Both of their moans hummed in each other’s ears, pushing the two to the brink of finishing.

Felix continued shoving the man onto his dick despite feeling ☁️’s knees buckle for a second time. As ☁️ felt his leaking dick brush against Felix’s rough abs, he threw his head back and gasped. He ejaculated, painting Felix’s abs in a glistening white liquid. The man thrusting into him noticed, and became even more turned on, using all of his force to drill into ☁️.

“I-I’m cumming.” Felix gasped. After a few more seconds of harsh and sloppy thrusting, Felix forced ☁️ onto the entirety of his length, filling the boy up with his semen.

The two breathed heavily in front of each other before Felix fell back onto the table, pulling ☁️’s arm as he did so. ☁️ fell on top of him, his energy drained. The man pulled Felix’s dick out of him and slid the condom off, bringing it in front of him so that he could tie it and throw it aside.

“I would’ve lasted longer if you weren’t so cute.” Felix muttered, stroking ☁️’s arm as the two laid still.

“It’s okay, there’s always next time.”

“Yeah.. and I’ll be sure to take you out to dinner beforehand.”

☁️ chuckled at the comment, planting a kiss on Felix’s puckered lips. “I’d like that.”

“I would too, love.”

a/n: writing smut is saurrr boring but i hope u guys like this lil top felix moment. i still think he’s cuter as a bottom lolll :,)) alsoo lowkey im desperately waiting for someone to request an indie movie plot so i can write smth cute, request awayyy!

likes, comments, & reblogs appreciated ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

[im-a-not-so-sirius-star]

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~~intro post~~

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heyyy!!! i assume you know by know… that i am the amazing, one and only…

sirius orion black!!!

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pronouns>>> he/they/she - genderfluid

sexuality>>> gay (remussexual, aka taken)

age>>> 17

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i am originally from france, but i live in london with the amazing james, (most of the year im at school with my amazing boyfriend remus <333) im gendurfluid and gay as a leprechaun!!! my fav colours are black (obvi) brown, and navy blue ;) my fav food is (again, obviously) anything that the wonderful effie cooks!!! she truly is amazing… my fav movie is howls moving castle, or harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban, and my fav book is the echo room by parker peevyhouse (ik what a weird name… almost as bad as rowling)

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my amazing friends!!!!!

the loml, @rj-mo0ny-lupin 🌕

my platonic soulmate, @heres-ur-daily-dose-of-prongsie 🦌

our little rat, @wormtail-pete ! 🐁

@ur-fave-rockstar-girl, said to be a female me 💋

mary macdonald, the apple of my eye /p 😘 (taken)

@lily-pad-love, the best feminomenon out there 🌸

@aunty-emms-emporium >>> the best childhood bff 👧🏻

@reggieblackthepoet , little bro and bff’s bf??? 🐈‍⬛

@barty-not-bartemius crouch jr, a slytherin me 🔪

@driedoutrose prevents barty from killing me 🥀

@pandadoraa, my divination buddy <3 🔮

@cassie-meadowes, fashion partner in crime 💅

@sybilances, pandoras amazing friend 🪐

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fav singers/bands :)))))

queen, bowie, conan gray, abba, arctic monkeys, pink floyd, led zeppelin, taylor swift, lana del rey, masie peters, the smiths, blondie, mott the hoople, acdc, billy joel, avril lavigne, marina, sex pistols, t. rex,

the list could go on foreverrr

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additional info (abt the role play)

this is 100% for funsies, i’d seen many rp blogs, and i want to act as sirius for a bit, so why not. i have a lot of different opinions/headcanons with sirius that might be uncommon??? (idk) if u don’t like mine, remember that there is plenty of other rp blogs out there, and they might have what you’re looking for. pls no hate, as i said, this is all for fun, and most likely only a temporary thing. if you want to join the rp, just dm me on @im-ur-sleep-paralysis-demon with the character u want to be <333

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my headcanons>>>

gendurfluid sirius for life!!! he, she, they, sirius is all of them in one

feminine sirius <3 ik it’s similar to gendurfluid sirius, but it’s way different at the same time

short sirius :) that man is at most 5, 5” oml and remus is about 69 feet tall

drama queen omfgggggg!!! if being a dramatic baby was a sport in the olympics, sirius would have a diamond medal omg (ofc affectionately)

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ty for reading, and if u want, go check out my main, @im-ur-sleep-paralysis-demon !!!!!

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[yaemilko]

— TAGS

🌺 — rina speaks [spam posts]

🌟 — reblogs [general reblogs]

💌 — asks [answered asks]

🍂 — reccs [fic recommendations]

🪷 — once more –> info [info about the story & future updates]

📌 — once more –> taglist [asks about the om taglist]

🐾 — hits different –> taglist [asks about the hd taglist]

🐈‍⬛ — hits different –> info [info about the story and future updates]

[livelaughloveloak]

★ SURE THING . . ! 🪐

previous part

⋆ pairing :: Neteyam x Navi! Reader

⋆ summary :: back in the omatikaya clan you always dreamt about sharing tsaheylu with the Olo'eyktan's oldest son. Now that you and Neteyam are both 18 will that dream finally become reality?

⋆ word count :: 1.1k words

⋆ author's note :: pt 2 of tattoo. Since the first part was based on the girl with the tattoo this part is based on Sure Thing by Miguel 🙌🙌 Honestly this is so short because I didn't know what to write

Even when the sun don't shine

"Neteyam?"

Oh how he loved hearing you say his name again.

Neteyam stood there frozen, bright yellow eyes almost popping out of his sockets. He watched you walk closer to him with your hand covering your mouth, the same expression as he had on displayed on your face.

"Oh my eywa it is you" Your hand now gently placed itself on his cheek, your eyes scanning his face. It had been one and a half years since Neteyam officially had fled the Omatikaya clan to live in the reef. He looks different but in a good way, you never thought Neteyam could get even more beautiful but fortunately you were wrong.

Neytiri watched in the background with awe, she always liked yours and Neteyam's relationship. Even as young kids she knew you guys would grow up to be closer than ever, and it turns out that her motherly instincts were right. She soon enough looked around and hissed almost as if she had venom coming out her mouth. She pointed at the lingering group watching you and Neteyam hug. "Go! What are you looking at?!"

They all scurried away to go back to their shared marui or to do something as Neytiri scooped up her youngest Tuk and signaled her other children to follow her back home.

I got faith in you and I

Your eyes stopped at a scar right at his chest. Your eyes squinted, trying to see if you were seeing things or not. You took your hand off his cheek and placed it on top of the wound. Your eyebrows furrowed before you looked up at his eyes.

"What happened?"

Neteyam held your hand and placed it down with a light chuckle.

"Oh my girl, it looks like you need to be caught up on some stuff." With that Neteyam started walking with you beside him, still holding your hand in his. It was a silent walk, a comforting silence. You enjoyed this very much because unlike here back in the forest there always seemed to be an eerie silence surrounding you. You couldn't hear Neteyam laughing or talking to you everyday, it was like living the same nightmare over and over again.

Neteyam stopped in a quiet, secluded part inside the small forest within the island.

You looked down, noticing how he was still holding your hand. You smiled.

"Neteyam I don't think I can do it"

You huffed in frustration, dropping your bow to the ground. You were out hunting with Neteyam for the first time ever. You were only 7 years old which means you were inexperienced with this sort of thing, as you were more skilled with healing so you spent your time mostly learning that.

Neteyam on the other hand started training once he learnt how to hold a bow in his own two hands.

The young male Navi gently picked up your bow that he had made for you "Stop, don't say that." Neteyam placed it into your dominant hand. His hand reached out and held the other, caressing it. "Don't give up so easily y/n it's your first time."

You looked up, staring into his eyes that were filled with honesty.

"I'll be here with you, every step at a time."

So put your pretty little hand in mine

He indeed was there with you every step at a time. Neteyam was the sweetest and skilled boy you'd ever met, and you could proudly say that other people would agree with you.

Neteyam let go of your hand and laid down on a pile of soft leaves leaning. He got comfortable then waved towards the empty space beside him, signaling for you to come and lay down as well. Being obedient to his orders, you laid down and immediately got engulfed into a tight and needed hug.

"So mind telling me the story behind the bullet wound? I mean you didn't have it when you left."

Even when we're down to the wire, babe

Even when it's do or die

Neteyam pulled back a little and looked straight into your eyes. It had already turned into night by now which made Neteyam stare in awe at your bioluminescent freckles glowing.

You soothingly traced your finger in his X shaped ribcage as your ears twitched and moved upon hearing him tell his tale about the war and how he managed to get shot trying to save a spider.

Silence filled the air once he was done with his story. Your arm had fallen on top of his chest, your eyes still staring at one another.

"You're one mighty warrior alright."

"Yeah? Am I at least your warrior?"

We could do it baby, simple and plain

"Yes Neteyam, you can if you want to be." You and Neteyam stood face to face on a small island where it was only the two of you. You and Neteyam were covered in paint, finally passing your iknayima. Neteyam placed his hands on your hips as your hands rested on his shoulders. He moved you in closer so he can have easy access to your lips. Neteyam leaned down, dangerously close.

"Will you let me?"

"Is that even a question teyam?"

With that you crashed your lips onto his, sloppingly kissing him. This was your first kiss as you were planning to save it for the perfect time, and this was beyond perfect. If you would have told you as a little kid that the son of the Olo'eyktan just asked you to be his mate, you'd pass out.

You two pulled back to catch your breath. Loud panting was heard followed along with some chuckles.

Your eyes watched as Neteyam's hand reached behind him, bringing his queue to the front of him. You copied his movements shortly after inching yours closer to his. The pink tendrils latched onto each other.

Your pupils blown in size while you felt a wave of emotion hit you, it was the bond. You and Neteyam were now officially mated for life. Life of death, even in eywa's paradise you two would love each other as your souls were now combined as one.

No words except one could describe this moment.

"Oel ngati kameie"

Cause this love is a sure thing

🏷️: @jujudsmyst @someoneisweird @mavicbuenaflor @loopyeon @gcldtom @neteyamxlover @who-is-ej @me753 @fukingsad @kurxxmi @bigdikzaddy

[stayconnecteed]

🪐˓⠀˚⠀memories⠀@⠀hwang hyunjin.

synopsis: you were in love, until you weren't anymore. or maybe you still were, but chose to learn not to be just to heal from all that meant falling in love with him.

SEE MORE.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀2.7k words. ⠀⠀general mlist.⠀⠀join taglist.

⠀⠀⸺⠀⠀plot ★ the point of view of hyunjin after your break up. i would say angst but at the end it kind of good. reader and hyunjin don't end up together tho.

⠀⠀⸺⠀⠀warnings ★ think of this as a beautiful relationship that turned slightly toxic, hyunjin was very very whipped for reader, the format is like a letter to you he never sent.

⠀⠀⸺⠀⠀author's note ★ tbh idk what is this. i don't even know how to categorize it, i felt kinda sad and started writing, and i thought on sharing it here. i wrote this listening to hannah bahng's cover of memories by conan gray, one of my favourite audios in the world.

excerpts from hwang hyunjin's diary over a year after the break up.

September 6th

Yesterday I walked by that coffee shop you liked to go to so much, at the end of the street where you used to work, the one with the navy couches and old photographs hanging on the wall. It's now closed. On the notice taped to the door it says that it is for sale, that they were very sorry but they decided to go out of business because they could no longer afford the expense, to call the phone number listed there if you were interested in buying it. And I did. Call, I mean. I had that urge to buy it, because it reminded me of you, because I knew you would like it. I listened for two rings and then hung up. The couches were purple. I saw it, even though the glass was full of dust, and I don't know anymore if they had been navy from the beginning or you had convinced me of it, but at that moment I saw them purple, and the magic was gone again. I guess it doesn't matter now. It had been a while since I had been here, maybe they had to change them. To see if they could attract more customers, as you always joked with the owner. That's why you liked the place, right? It was quiet. Peaceful. You could barely hear the music in the background or the murmur of the street, and as much as you adored their coffee, we both knew it was doomed to have an end. Like us, I suppose. You were always drawn to lost causes.

That's why I called you. I think you had blocked my contact, but it didn't hurt to try. I thought about everything we had shared. On my way to the apartment I live in now I bought those noodles you liked so much, and the ice cream we had every time there was something to celebrate. The TV was playing one of those movies from the 2000s that we watched over and over again on Friday nights, even though we had already seen them, just because I loved that look on your face you had when you did something you were apssionate about. It seemed like a hoax. For a moment it seemed as if I could touch you, as if by reaching across the fabric of the couch you were going to be there, on the other end, waiting for me to finish dinner so you could snuggle up next to me. I guess it was one of those days, wasn't it? Those when you stop pretending that everything is okay, even though nothing was wrong, and let sadness win you over.

I don't actually think I'm sad, though. Not really. Just… nostalgic. I miss what we had. I miss you. Not in the unhealthy way I did in the beginning, when we decided to split up and I instantly regretted it. It's more of a warm, bittersweet memory that creeps up on me from time to time. Your smile, so beautiful and bright, how soft your hair was when you rested your head on my lap and I couldn't stop caressing it, how your hand felt against mine as we entwined them, the hurried way your heart pounded under my lips as I kissed your skin, how I felt your chest vibrate as I fell asleep on top you in the middle of a conversation… Now that I think about it, I think I've forgotten your voice. The temptation to search for old audios is too strong, but I'm afraid to find out what I would really feel if I get to hear you.

I have seen pictures. I have too many, so looking for them was not a big problem. I keep them on that hard drive you gave me when you got tired of watching me stress out because I thought I had lost flash drives that had never left my desk. In it is my favorite folder, the one with all the captured moments that reflected that side of you that you didn't let anyone else see. The ones I took of you when you didn't realize it, with your hair disheveled on our bed, your bare back contrasting with the sheets, still asleep; or playing with Kkami in the park, running next to her, with your scarf tangling in the wind and your smile brighter than ever. Those for which you did pose, with amused expressions and seductive glances, with our friends and in the intimacy of our home, those you approved of after I showed them to you, acknowledging with an embarrassed blush that you did look pretty, and also those you couldn't even see, your mind betraying you by making you see so many flaws that you thought you were drowning in them, so many defects I was unable to see.

It's the first time that the sight of you didn't make my heart tear apart. Each new file I opened was a memory that I could bring back to life, at least for a few minutes, moments that I treasured fondly, and that finally made me smile. Can you believe it? Me, who so many times left voice messages begging you to come back, who had to stay at home for weeks after breaking up because visualizing a life without you by my side made me want to die, the person who every time they saw something that reminded them of you would burst into tears, feeling the loss of your presence like the shadow of death, was finally enjoying those memories that included you.

You'll be happy to know that I'm starting to draw again too. I had thrown away all my art supplies when I moved, and I have all my paintings locked away, but the other day I stopped by the store I used to go to and bought a sketchbook. I didn't intend to do anything with it, I just wanted to run my hand over the pages again, just like I used to do before starting a new project. As soon as Felix found out, he bought me new watercolors and pencils. You know how he is, the first to cheer every time something good happens to you. He celebrates your victories as if they were his own. I guess that's what this is, isn't it? A victory. I've managed to win against the ghost of our past, and my reward is a nice charcoal sketch of a tulip. It's not my best work, but for the moment it works for me. Little by little, with training wheels.

November 24th

I would like to know how you are doing. Changbin hyung told me that you finally moved in, just like me. I guess every little corner of the apartment reminded you of me. I wouldn't have lasted long there either. You hardly talk to the rest of the guys, and it makes me wonder if you were really happy with me. When I met you you had your own group of friends, but you stopped talking to them to the point that all we knew were my friends, and each other. That was probably one of the reasons you encouraged me to break up. It wasn't healthy, was it? I find it pathetic that I realize it now, so many months later, although it was pathetic even then, with how desperately in love I was with you. I tend to get so lost in my feelings that I forget everything else. Sometimes, "everything else" is often more important than what's going on in my head, and in my heart, because in the end, thoughts are just thoughts. I wonder if Changbin hyung would tell me if you were having a hard time. You know that after what we went through together, I would come in an instant if you called me. Some things don't change. You can separate us, but you can't ignore what once existed. And I like to think you feel the same way.

I know you have a boyfriend. I've seen you around town, walking hand in hand, just like we used to do. I thought about waving, approaching you and introducing myself to the lucky man who can call you his, but cowardice gets the better of me. I don't want to make a fool of myself. You've always been sharp with words, and the last time we met was humiliating enough. I'm not talking about the last time we spoke, but when we met. That afternoon when Chan accompanied me to collect the boxes that were left in what had been our home, my name written in that chaotic handwriting you have, set aside in the entryway. We looked at each other in silence when you opened the door, and I never knew how I had the strength not to burst into tears. What I wanted most of all was to take refuge in your arms and for you to tell me that everything was going to be all right. Did you feel it? That pain? You always noticed it at first, it was almost unnatural the way my chest began to open with grief, as if my own heart was crying tears of blood.

You felt it too, I'm sure. That's why you looked away. That's why you didn't open your mouth except to wish me well. I remember thinking that it wasn't fair that it was going to end like this, that I didn't understand why it had to end at all. We were doing great. True, we argued, as all couples do, and not even that often, or that we were somewhat possessive of each other. But it was okay, wasn't it? It meant that I cared about you. That you loved me. That we would rather be with each other than with anyone else. But you looked away, and I shut my mouth, and I didn't have time to memorize you before I left. Even after calling you for days, when you finally picked up the phone and begged me to stop, even then I couldn't catch the exact tone of the words you had used to keep them in my memory forever. And now you're gone, and I'd like to think I don't care as much as I used to, but sometimes a person's absence is more present than the people you have sitting next to you. And it hurts more than the worst wound, because you crave something you can't have.

I guess we were destined to end up together and end up apart. It was impossible for us not to have fallen in love when you approached me in that library, with the book I was looking for in your hand, just as we were bound to untangle ourselves after a while, having to suffer through the process of accepting that everything we had built was falling apart. We both knew it, and came to accept it in the haze of those who have just found their soulmate, but only you were smart enough to see it coming and protect yourself, leaving me as the only victim. And worst of all, I know that had never been your intention, that you would never have hurt me on purpose. But I was doing it to you, and you decided to be selfish, pushing me away so you could move on. And after all I can't hate you, I can't even stop loving you, because you became so blended with my soul that removing you would be like taking away an essential part of what makes me being me.

That's my problem, isn't it? I live it all so intensely… It's exhausting. When someone loses the person they thought was going to be the one, they usually console themselves with the thought that they weren't the one. But I can't indulge myself, I don't deserve that consolation, because we were meant to be. Maybe not to last a lifetime, but for the little bit we got to share. I have had to say goodbye to you, to see you become a stranger, but the people we were when we were together are still alive, in some space of our memory, like a story written by both of us, one in which we each have our favorite chapters, and to which we know we can come back whenever we want, to remember each other. I know that at some point in my future I will be able to open that book and read any page and it will no longer hurt, that I will savor every word with a smile on my lips, the smile of someone who knows that while it lasted, I made the most of every single second. And I know that future is closer than far away.

January 15st

I have stopped counting the days since we broke up. I feel like I'm getting better, I know I am. Yesterday I went out with Seungmin and Jeongin for a walk, and I took my old camera with me, after so long. My hands no longer shake when I hold it. They started goofing around, and playing among the trees in the park with Kkami, and it didn't hurt me to say that was something you used to do. I told it as an offhand comment, as if I were telling them about what I had eaten the day before. Now you are just another memory in my mind, floating among the gray matter of moments in my life. You no longer hurt, you no longer harm.

On the way to the dance studio last week, the driver drove past that coffee shop. I don't know if you'll have time to go now that you're so busy with your new life, and anyway I guess coffee doesn't suit you as well as it used to, but someone bought it. And it's still a coffee shop. I went today morning, and I felt better than I have in a long time. The new owners have done an awesome job, and business is running smoothly. In the hour and a half I sat at one of the tables in the back, more customers came in than I've seen in all the years we've been together. The iced americano is delicious, and the atmosphere relaxes me enough to doodle in the margins of my lyrics notebook.

I feel attached to this place, somehow. You found us, and made us feel special. During the time we enjoyed your company, and your trust and love, we were fully happy. When you left us, we had a terrible time, letting our inner selves shut down, refusing affection or help. But now we are doing well. We've gotten over that rough patch, we try to look out for ourselves, we smile at life. And the couches are maroon. I asked the barista, who is one of the people who came up with the new design. I didn't want to find out what the original color had been, that will be something I'll never get to know, I want to give you the benefit of the doubt. It was fun when we would go and spend minutes arguing about the exact shade. But now they're maroon. And I like that color.

I was in love with you. I know you heard me say it that night I came home drunk, when I chose to pretend you were asleep and told you how you truly made me feel. I didn't fall in love with you, I ran to you knowing full well that I was going to love you with all my being, full of devotion and ready to end up devastated by you, but I guess it wasn't enough. Now that I have slowly learned to forget you I know that in all possible scenarios we would have ended up the same way. We were so obsessed with each other that we didn't realize we were consuming each other, but that's okay. Not everything is timeless, nothing lasts forever. The important thing is not to regret your memories, and I don't regret a single moment by your side.

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