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starconstruction · 20 days ago

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30 Minute Kidnap

(barely) Yandere Chaewon x Male Reader

smut tags: it exists, I really don't have anything to tag here though.

In contention for favourite fic i've wrote.

You've probably read part 1, but theres an entirely new part here now! woohoo.

Word Count: 3286

Scared.

Probably the best word to describe it.

You have no idea where you are, it's pitch black and the only nose you can hear is a leaking pipe dropping into a bucket.

The odor of rot filled your nose, you had to be close to the source, a singular rope held you against the wall by the arm, you could break free easily. But where do you go from here?

Deep breaths, you need to stay calm.

Every little rattle from above hit your ears like a train, do you wait? How did you get here? Why were you here? Too many questions, you needed to go.

It's better than staying here.

Your free hand flailed around, finding the rope, it was thick, digging around aimlessly until you found an opening. It didn't take long until it fell off, leaving you free.

You navigated the darkness with the elegance of a bull, slamming into every wall and surface until you found the stairs, taking each step sluggishly towards what was maybe a door. Caressing in front of you until the handle was in your embrace.

A bright flash blinded you instantly, light funneling into your eyes agonizingly. In front of you was the side of a flight of stairs, painted white. You didn't have the time to linger, to your right was the front door. Your ticket out of here.

You moved quickly, every potential second couldn't be wasted. Rushing towards the door, pressing down the handle, locked.

Fuck.

But that couldn't deter you, that wouldn't deter you. The fear surprisingly dying down, you looked around for keys. Nothing was hung up, there was two bookshelves here. Searching between every book and crevice, nothing.

"Oh, you're awake." You turned around, even more confused. Chaewon? Her presence didn't fill you with fear, you two have been friends for years. Met when you two were kids, in her hands was a tray with some rice and some juice. "I was going to just leave this down in the basement till you woke up but looks like you beat me to it." She laughed.

"Chae? What the hell is going on?" You asked, her expression didn't shift, still smiling.

"I'll tell you about it in a sec, let's go up to my bedroom." You followed behind her, the earlier confusion made you forget who's house this was. Everything becoming familiar once more, except for the fact you woke up in her basement.

You've been in her bedroom countless times, the same scent of vanilla hitting your nose, the gifts you bought her laid pinned against the wall and on shelf's. "Anyways, here you go." She handled you the food, but you pushed it back, certainly not the thing on your mind currently. She seemed a bit offended, giving a pout.

"Answers." You insisted.

"Come on, why are you so pushy? We have plenty of time." Chaewon said, eating some of her rice. "It'll be cold if you wait..."

"Chaewon. Stop messing around." The full name made her frown, you were growing increasingly frustrated.

"You are always so annoyinggggg." She whined, "But fine, I'll tell you." Chaewon took another bite. "So, I was going to ask you out on a date, but I saw you hugging someone else. So I just thought it'd be easier you know?"

You stared at her in disbelief, what? This was quite awkward, considering you were going to ask her out.

"Chae, I was going to ask you out..." Her eyes widened in shock and embarrassment. "Also do you just kidnap people often?"

"You, you were going to ask me out?" She was dumbfounded, "Fuck... Well I guess it's a bit too late."

It didn't have to be, your opinion of her hasn't shifted. Your hands brushed against her shoulder, in an attempt to pierce the stagnant awkwardness.

"Is it?" You let the words linger, gauging Chaewon's reaction, she always let her expressions show, this was no different. She looked lovingly stupid.

"Errr, uhm, maybe not?" She sputtered, "But what if you reject me? I can't handle that, no chance."

"I can prove that I would never Chae, trust me." You said, taking the food out her hand, she looked at you expectingly, waiting.

Well, it can't get any stranger.

You closed the gap, getting between the space in her legs. Your arms finding their place wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her forward as every second dragged on.

The second your lips connected it felt like the tension in the room evaporated, being replaced by the feeling of satisfaction. Her hands running up and down your back, tongues dancing together while her taste lingered. It was everything you imagined and more.

When you two finally pulled away, panting and gasping, there was the comfort you two found in each other prior to this minor altercation.

"So, we can put this past us right?" She asked, visibly ashamed of her earlier actions.

"Of course, I really like you Chae." You confessed, a weird day but a welcome day.

"Oh thank god, but let me be clear, if you run I'll find you." She said, tone unserious but you definitely didn't doubt it.

"I'm sure, so... Wanna go on a date?" You asked her out, the original plan finally coming to pass, what a strange morning.

"Of course, but let's go tomorrow, I want to stay in and make out." Her lips pressed against you once more.

Well you couldn't complain.

-Part 2-

One thing you weren't truly expecting was how intense Chaewon was. The two of you dating giving her new found confidence.

She basically hugged you the entire day, only letting you leave to go to the bathroom. The rest of the time she had you locked in her embrace. Lips pressing against hers in a warm make-out session. The taste of her sweet lip gloss quickly wore away. She pulled away, popping a mint she had as a "just in case" into her mouth before immediately jumping back against your lips.

The thoughts of her planned kidnapping rang in the back of your mind, something you rapidly attempted to put to bed. When she was looking at you so lovingly, beaming at your unorthodox but bright relationship.

"So! I know I've barely given you a moment to breathe, sorry...! I've just been so happy!" She rambled with a giggle, immediately suffocating you with her love again. Squeezing far too tight, bodies pressing together. You barely paid any mind to the sound of the television at this point, completely filtered out while your hand found her cheek.

"It's... Urgh. Alright Chae, but you. Err are crushing me." You groaned, instantaneously she let go. Drawing a distance between the two.

"I'm sorry! Sorry! I'll give you some space." Her tone was rushed, slightly solemn. Thankfully with you no longer being choked you could sit up.

"It's okay babe," Her cheeks visibly started to blossom a deep pink, clasping her hands together, eyes desperately trying to look anywhere but at you. "Haha! You should see your face. But -- We should definitely get some food." The main reason you said that was her growling stomach, she was far too occupied with eating your face than actual food.

"Yeah... Fuck, I don't think I went grocery shopping..." She pouted, her cuteness pulled at your heart strings.

"It's okay," You gave a reassuring laugh, not wanting to deter her. "We can find... Something."

Your hand found hers, walking down the stairs as you two got to her kitchen.

Honestly, it was questionable if this could even be called food. A packet of instant noodles shared between the two of you, not entirely sure what flavor it was. Chaewon used the last of her functional ingredients for the breakfast you eventually ate.

The two of you were eating essentially slop, the noodles somehow overcooked. Perhaps that was her fault since it was Chaewon that was too busy holding you against the counter to make out some more. But it could have also been your fault for being far too invested to stop.

The sauce used certainly did not match, but it did give it some form of flavor. Which was well appreciated. Chaewon's utensil dug through the boiled sludge, collecting what she could before taking a bite.

Her face said everything it needed to far before she finished swallowing, visible dis-contempt as you joined her in taking a bite of this... Stuff.

Disgusting could not fully describe the sensation that hit your mouth. How distracted did you two get? Reluctantly swallowing the mush as Chaewon pushed it away.

"Nuh uh, we are not eating this. Let's just order something oh my god." She demanded, pulling out her phone immediately. Oh yeah, you don't have yours.

"Ha, probably a good idea. This is repulsive, also you still have my phone." You replied, Chaewon didn't look up. Too engrossed.

"Yeah I know, I'll give it back to you tomorrow babe. No distractions for tonight, just me." She said, the possession creeping into her words. You just nodded affirmatively.

The rest of the night was relatively uneventful, but what was certainly not uneventful is your date with Chaewon the next night. You were a nervous wreck, just barely calming down the rapid heartbeat pumping against it's cage.

You touched yourself up, making yourself look the tiniest bit more presentable. Leaving the bathroom wearing your finest semi formal clothes, can't overdress. That'd be beyond embarrassing.

You stepped outside.

And your jaw dropped.

Chaewon's beauty was indescribable, if she wasn't in front of you now you think you'd be dreaming. A quick pinch to make sure. Her hair was done up, cute bangs covering her forehead as she smiled right at you. Wearing a big thick leather coat that hung on her small frame, her black shirt that you bought her as a gift one time. She finished the look with her jeans, hanging off of her legs. She looked perfect.

"Wow... Chaewon. You look, incredible." You said, stumbling over your words like an absolute buffoon. Luckily for you she didn't seem to mind, blushing like mad as the words processed.

"Thanks, oh my god I can't believe this is happening..." She replied, it didn't take long for Chaewon to run over. Her arms embraced you as yours quickly found her back.

"Me either, anyways shall we go?" You asked. She nodded but didn't let you go immediately, drawing out the hug for every second she possibly could before regrettably pulling back.

The two of you quickly found her car, unable to drive without your license she took the wheel. The feeling of her leather seat pressed against your back, it's coldness removing some of the nerves burning inside you.

"Hit the radio if you want." She said, beginning to pull out of her drive.

You were more than happy to take her up on that one, breaking the silence up with whatever came up on the radio. The song itself didn't matter, a comforting companion.

"I, can't believe this is real." Chaewon uttered, turning a sharp left down the road. Verdant trees slowly began to replace houses the further you went.

"Yeah, it's... Strange, but in a good way." You replied.

"I, I know we said to put it behind us but I was. No, am still worried that you don't trust me." Her voice shook slightly, you took a moment to think.

"I trust you Chae. I wouldn't be here if I didn't, errr take a right... Now." You said, she just barely processed the turn.

You opened the window, wind brushing against your face. Nice and cool, the sounds of cars driving by contrastingly violent.

"Yeah, your right.. Just, don't leave me okay? I won't let you." There was a sinister undertone in that, but one you dismissed.

"Not planning on it anytime soon hah." You two finally pulled into the restaurant drive through.

"Anytime ever." She corrected. Getting out the car.

The restaurant was cozy, by no means a fancy place. But that didn't matter, irrelevant. Both of you were only interested in each other, and the bibimbap that laid in front of you two.

You two were eating, but your eyes were not interested in the food. But each other, staring at each other like you were going to speak. But, it took far longer than expected for the first few word to be uttered.

Chaewon spoke first, brushing the hair that had crept into her eye. Eyebrow raising a slight bit. "Food good?" It was nothing but an icebreaker, one you appreciated.

"Yeah, we've got it a million times Chae." You gave a breathy laugh in response. The light was burning against her skin, bright as ones found in hospitals.

"Well, yeah. But this feels different." Her hand moved absently, pushing the food around in circles. Entranced in thought, how you wish to know exactly what she thought.

"It is. Better different, you look beautiful tonight." Chaewon got taken aback, despite hearing those words less than a hour prior. The emotion making your heart beat just a bit faster.

"Thank you." That was all that needed to be said, the two of you going back to eating.

The two of you didn't spend too long in the restaurant, only the beginning of your planned date.

The next stop was one planned entirely by you, driving off to the nearby hill. Not very big but the perfect spectacle for the two of you to sit. Chaewon hugged into you, her hand found it's way to link with you.

The moon watched over you, and the two of you watched over it. "Hey, you see those stars?" You pointed to the air, a bunch of white sparkles glowing and creating a beautiful display.

"Yeah?" She asked obliviously, her body adjusting the smallest amount.

"Look very closely. You can see a fish!" With your words and a bit of imagination, the stars themselves formed into a drawing or maybe a picture. Two fish, three fish.

"Fish? That's a candy cane?" She replied.

"A candy cane??? What ones did you get?" You asked, hand unintentionally playing with her hair. Soft, silky.

"Do you not remember the koi fish ones we were given? Like 3 years ago?" You didn't. But the way she talked made it sound like the most obvious thing in the world.

"No? But I guess it makes sense. Damn it's cold out here." It really was, for a summer night it sure felt like winter had already rushed to show back up. The shared body heat acting like a small campfire, or a blanket.

"Yeah... It is. Wanna head home?"

"Yeah."

The two of you practically jumped at each other the minute you got into Chaewon's bedroom, hands flailing around to remove her coat. Feeling the warmth of her smooth, soft bare skin in your hands. You rubbed her arms up and down, kissing her feverishly against the door. Chaewon kissed back with equal hunger.

She dragged you to the bed, lips never leaving each other for a second. Only breaking away to steal any oxygen from the surrounding air.

"Chae, are you sure about this? We are moving a bit fast." You asked.

"We've moved far too slow, we should have been at this base month's ago." With her confirmation you dove for her shirt, hands lifting up the fabric over her head. Revealing her toned stomach, running your fingers against her muscles.

"Your body is so fucking nice." You gasped, diving down into her neck.

"Mark me then, prove how much you like it." With that you used your teeth, nipping the smooth surface with marks of sheer love.

Chaewon's hands didn't remain idle, messing around with your pants to pull them down in between your actions. "Mmph, this feels so right." She said, and you've never agreed more. Like this should have been done so much earlier.

"Let me get these off." You replicated her earlier actions, fumbling her jeans off with the smoothness of sandpaper. But it didn't matter, her underwear the only barrier left standing between you and her entirely bare.

She made you match her state of dress, grinding her dampened underwear against your painfully hard shaft while your shirt was thrown onto the floor.

"Fuck that feels nice, can't wait for this to be inside me." She moaned, the two of you stood there for a moment. Enjoying the sensation of grinding against each other, but the impatience was growing. A rope of need that was going to snap very soon.

"Yeah, fuck I need you now." You said with lust clouding your thoughts, gently pushing her against the bed. Her body bounced onto the mattress, head hitting the pillow. You climbed over the top of her, hands worming their way to unclip her bra.

Her breasts were perfect, but to be truthful every second you waited was agony. Giving you very little time to admire them, hands kneading the sweet flesh before moving down.

"Wait! Let me remove yours first." She said quickly, lifting herself up for a brief moment. Letting your cock free, Chaewon gave a small kiss to your pre-cum leaking tip. "Delicious." With that she laid down.

Your fingers found the small string that was blocking the ultimate goal, disposing of it as Chaewon laid there in all her naked glory. Smooth skin with no faults, no blemishes. Perfect. Her pussy showing evident need, resisting your urge to go down on her. For you both needed something more.

"Condom?" You asked, she looked at you surprised. But rummaged through the drawer to her left, throwing it at you. Putting it on, no more distractions.

Your tip rubbed against Chaewon's wet folds, she moaned a small whine. "Come on, fuck me!" Well that was that, pushing into her pussy. Starting slowly at first, every tight inch greeting you with warmth and wetness.

"Chaewon, you are so tight!" You said through gritted teeth, going further. She wrapped her legs around your back, mouth agape and letting out small affirmations of pleasure.

"Fuckkkk! You are so deep inside me!" She was loud, voice shrill and needy. You moved in and out, enjoying every jolt and gasp she experienced. The sweet euphony created by skin slapping against each other.

"I love you!" She called out randomly, maintaining eye contact, faces inches away given your position.

"Love- fuck. You!" You replied, some of the last coherent words the two of you shared. The two of you devolving into a scramble of groans, spluttering, occasional broken expletives.

You watched her chest heave up and down, tits jiggling against the force of your thrusts. Her hands didn't know where to go, bunching up thick spools of the sheets. Losing her composure while her boyfriend fucked her.

You weren't fairing great, Chaewon's warmth wasn't remotely suppressed by the condom. Every thrust jolting in your core, the two of you sweating bullets.

You fought against the feeling creeping up your balls, keeping up the pressure. Her eyes screwed up, getting tighter. You could sense how close she was getting, just a little longer.

"Ahh! Ffuck! I'm, keep going!" She begged, you went a bit faster. The two of you were about to cum together, "Fuck!" She called out. Falling limp against the bed, your orgasm made you see stars. Burying yourself deep inside of her body as you filled the condom.

The two of you sat for a while, not wanting to leave the inviting embrace of her body. Only pulling out when you two were finally able to move.

"That was incredible..." She said. "Let's go shower, then we can watch a movie."

No complaints with that idea.

#yandere kpop #kpop x male reader #kpop smut #kpop x reader #kpop fanfic #female idol smut #le sserafim smut #chaewon smut #kim chaewon smut

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mrspiastri · 4 months ago

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Can I request #8 “You make me want to be a better person. Not because I have to, but because you deserve the best of me.” For Max?

max verstappen x reader

prompt 8. “You make me want to be a better person. Not because I have to, but because you deserve the best of me.”

💌💌💌

Max Verstappen had never been the kind of person who found comfort in words. He was a man of action—of pushing limits, of proving himself through sheer will and instinct. Talking about his feelings? That was foreign territory, a race he had never learned how to navigate.

But with Y/N, everything was different.

She had a way of seeing straight through him, peeling back the layers he had built over the years, exposing the parts of himself he tried so hard to keep buried. And worst of all? She never flinched. Never ran. She just stayed.

That scared him more than anything. Because if she ever left, if she ever realized she deserved better than the mess of a man he was, Max wasn’t sure he’d recover from it.

Because Max didn’t know how to love someone without the fear of losing them.

And lately, he had been convinced that losing her was inevitable.

It started after a disastrous race weekend.

A DNF, a strategy mistake, the weight of expectations pressing down on him like a vice. Max had been furious—at himself, at the team, at the world. He had come home to Monaco exhausted, frustrated, and unwilling to let anyone in.

Including Y/N.

She had come over that night, like she always did after a tough race. But instead of letting her comfort him, he had barely spoken, had brushed off her concern with short, clipped answers. He could see the hurt flicker in her eyes, but he ignored it, too caught up in his own storm.

And then, the next day, he had done the worst thing imaginable.

He had canceled dinner plans. Again.

It wasn’t the first time, and judging by the look on her face when she showed up at his apartment anyway, it was the last straw.

“I swear, Max, I can’t keep doing this.”

Y/N’s voice was quiet, but there was an edge to it that made Max’s chest tighten. He had been bracing for this conversation all night, but that didn’t make it any easier.

He leaned against the kitchen counter, arms crossed over his chest, jaw tight. “Doing what?”

“This.” She gestured between them. “You pushing me away every time something goes wrong. You disappearing into your own head and acting like I don’t exist.”

Max exhaled through his nose, gripping the edge of the counter. He hated this. Hated seeing the frustration, the hurt, the exhaustion written all over her face.

“I’m not trying to push you away,” he muttered.

“Then what are you trying to do?” she asked, taking a step closer. “Because I don’t know how to help you if you won’t let me.”

His throat tightened. That was the problem—he didn’t know how to let her. Didn’t know how to explain the storm inside his head, the voice that constantly told him he wasn’t good enough, that he would never be enough for her.

“You don’t get it,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t know how to do this.”

Her brows furrowed. “Do what?”

Max clenched his jaw, swallowing against the words threatening to rise. But they broke through anyway, raw and unfiltered.

“Be what you deserve.” His voice was quieter now, more vulnerable than he wanted it to be. “I’m not easy to love, Y/N.”

Her expression softened, and somehow, that was worse. He could handle anger. He could handle frustration. But this—her looking at him like she saw him, like she knew him—made him feel more exposed than ever.

“Max,” she murmured, stepping forward until she was close enough for him to feel her warmth, “you don’t have to be perfect. I don’t want perfect. I just want you.”

His breath hitched.

She didn’t get it. She couldn’t get it.

“You make me want to be a better person,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “Not because I have to, but because you deserve the best of me.”

Y/N’s lips parted slightly, her breath catching. For a second, she didn’t say anything, just looked at him—really looked at him. Then, without hesitation, she reached for his hand, her fingers lacing through his like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“You are the best of you, Max,” she whispered. “Even when you’re struggling. Even when you think you’re not.” She squeezed his hand gently. “I don’t love you because you’re perfect. I love you because you’re you.”

Max felt something in his chest loosen, like the weight he had been carrying for years wasn’t so unbearable anymore.

He let out a shaky breath, his free hand lifting to cup her cheek, his thumb brushing over her skin as if grounding himself in the moment.

“I don’t deserve you,” he murmured.

Y/N smiled, leaning into his touch. “Too bad. You’re stuck with me.”

A breathless chuckle escaped him, his forehead dropping against hers. For the first time in a long time, he let himself believe—maybe, just maybe—he wasn’t as impossible to love as he had always thought.

#max verstappen x reader #max verstappen #max verstappen fluff #max verstappen drabble #f1 x reader #f1 driver x reader #f1 fluff #f1 drabble #valentines day prompts

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ruewrote · 8 months ago

Text

𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑖 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝑢.

PAIRING: mike munroe x fem!reader WARNINGS: too little too late, no use of y/n GENRE: angst SONG INSPIRATION: i know you by faye webster WORD COUNT: 1k

navigation | ask | michael munroe masterlist

you found yourself once again caught up in the tangled drama that was michael monroe. you and mike had always had an undeniable connection. one with stolen glances, inside jokes, the kind of chemistry that hovered just shy of something real.

but as soon as emily and jessica started competing for his attention, you’d backed off, deciding to not get wrapped up in someone else’s chaos. it was easier to watch from the sidelines, letting your feelings slowly drift into the background. at least, that’s what you told yourself.

but here you were, sitting beside him on the edge of a worn couch in the lodge, both just soaking up the atmosphere of the now quiet lodge. most of the group had gone to bed, leaving you and mike to sit alone in the dimly lit room.

you’d come down for a late night snack and found him sitting there, looking ost in thought. you almost turned around, but when he looked up and met your gaze, he gave a small smile, motioning for you to join him.

“so,” he said, breaking the silence after a moment, “still awake, huh?”

“could say the same to you,” you replied, settling into the cushion beside him, careful to keep some distance.

he chuckled, leaning forward and rubbing his hands together as if trying to warm them by the fire. “yeah, guess i just can’t sleep with everyone up here again. reminds me of the last time we were all together…before everything got so complicated.”

you scoffed, shaking your head. “by ‘complicated,’ do you mean the whole emily versus jess war?”

mike’s expression softened, almost guilty. “yeah, that’s part of it.” he glanced sideways at you, eyes flicking over your face. “kinda miss when it was just…simple, you know?”

you raised an eyebrow, feeling a familiar warmth in your chest. “maybe it wasn’t ever simple. maybe we just wanted it to be.”

he didn’t respond right away, just stared into the fire, looking pensive. there was a time when a pause like this would have meant something. a heartbeat of possibility. but that was before..

“didn’t think it’d end up like this,” he finally said, his voice quiet. “feels like we’re all different people now.”

“yeah, well, some people change more than others,” you replied, trying to keep the edge out of your voice. you hadn’t meant to sound so harsh, but seeing him in front of you. just you and him. stirred up all those old memories, the times you’d wondered if maybe he felt the same way.

the question you’d never gotten around to asking because, sooner than you’d realised, there was jessica draped over his shoulder, or emily fuming by his side.

his mouth twitched, and he looked over at you, that familiar, easy smile tugging at his lips. “is that your way of saying i messed up?”

“maybe,” you said, meeting his gaze, unflinching. “or maybe it’s just me realising i made the right call in staying out of it.”

“ouch,” he said, but there was a glint in his eye, and he didn’t look away. “guess i deserved that.”

you bit back a smile, leaning back on the couch, feeling a bit more at ease as the memories softened the edges of your irritation. “you absolutely did.”

mike laughed, the sound light, almost free. “you know,” he began, leaning back as well, mirroring your position, “there was a time when i thought maybe…you and i…”

“don’t,” you cut in, holding up a hand, a half hearted warning. “don’t even go there.”

“what?” he asked, his tone teasing but his eyes a little more serious. “afraid i’ll ruin your pristine opinion of me?”

you scoffed, rolling your eyes. “what opinion? the one where you’re a magnet for relationship drama?”

he grinned, but there was something softer in his gaze now, almost regretful. “maybe i am. but if i am, it’s only because i got distracted…didn’t go after what i really wanted.”

a flicker of surprise flared in your chest, and for a second, you could feel that “what ifs” creeping back. “and what was that?” you asked before you could stop yourself.

the room seemed to still as he held your gaze. “i think you know.”

the words hung between you, their meaning clear, yet unsaid. there was something vulnerable in his expression, something you hadn’t seen before. you swallowed, the weight of your choice pressing down on you.

there was a part of you that wanted to reach out, to close the space between you and see if the years of missed chances had only made the spark stronger. but another part quickly remembered the way your other friends felt about him.

you glanced away, breaking the spell. “too bad you didn’t realise it sooner.”

he nodded slowly, his face falling just a bit. “yeah,” he said, his voice quiet. “too bad.”

the silence was thick, filled with all the unspoken things that had been left behind. you could feel the shift, sealing off a path you’d once been tempted to take. maybe it was for the best. you’d walked away from his chaos once, you could do it again.

but just as you were about to stand, he reached out, his hand catching yours in a gentle, hesitant grip. his fingers were warm, grounding you in the present moment, pulling you back before you could leave. you looked down at his hand, then back at him, a question in your eyes.

“hey,” he said, his voice softer, a little unsure. “i know i’ve made my share of mistakes. but…maybe this time, we could try again. just you and me. no drama. no distractions.”

you swallowed, his words stirring something long buried. but the memories of watching emily’s furious glances and jessica’s possessive hand holding still lingered, reminding you of all the things that could go wrong.

you slipped your hand free, giving him a small, sad smile. “maybe, mike. maybe someday.”

he nodded, the faintest hint of a sad smile tugging at his lips.

“i’ll hold you to that.”

comments and reblogs are appreciated ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

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jellofish-plant · 6 months ago

Text

Home With You

Pairing: Jason Todd (Red Hood) x Reader

Summary: After months of living together, Jason Todd (Red Hood) and the reader have found a delicate balance in their relationship. Despite Jason's troubled past and his tendency to keep people at arm's length, the quiet, peaceful moments they share at home bring them closer. When Jason returns from a long night of patrols, he’s reminded of just how much he’s found in you a safe haven, someone who loves him despite everything. Together, they navigate the challenges of healing, trust, and love, finding solace in the simple act of being home with each other.

Warnings:

Mild angst, mentions of past trauma, hurt/comfort

[Masterlist]

You sat on the couch, your legs tucked beneath you, a cup of tea resting in your hands as you glanced around the apartment you and Jason had shared for the past few months. It was quiet now peaceful, even but it hadn’t always been that way.

When Jason first moved in, things were... chaotic. His past, his time as Red Hood, his need for distance and solitude he had brought all of it into your life. There were late-night patrols, moments of tension when he’d come home covered in wounds, and silent dinners as he processed the things he'd seen that night. But over time, it had started to feel like home. Your home.

Jason walked in, looking worn out from the latest patrol, but when he saw you on the couch, something softened in his expression. He peeled off his helmet and tossed it onto the counter before walking over to you.

“Hey, you,” he muttered, a small, affectionate smile tugging at his lips. “Long day?”

You raised an eyebrow at him, nodding toward his tired, battle-scarred form. “I could say the same about you. Rough night?”

“Yeah.” He sighed, leaning against the back of the couch, careful not to jar your tea. “But it’s always easier knowing I’ve got a safe place to come back to.”

You smiled softly, standing up to wrap your arms around him. “You’re always welcome here, Jay. You know that.”

Jason held you for a moment longer than usual, resting his chin on the top of your head. It was these moments, when everything felt so simple, that made all the chaos worth it. It wasn’t just about the danger or the fights; it was about the quiet moments you shared in between. The slow mornings spent making coffee together, the late nights where you just sat and talked, and even the shared silences that felt more intimate than words.

Jason pulled back slightly, looking down at you with a mix of admiration and affection. “I don’t know how you do it. Live with someone like me.”

You chuckled softly, tracing the scar along his jaw with your fingertip. “I live with the man I love. Doesn’t matter what’s in the past.”

His eyes softened, the usual guardedness melting away. “I don’t deserve you.”

“You do,” you said firmly, lifting his chin to meet his gaze. “You just have to believe it.”

For a moment, Jason just stood there, staring into your eyes like he was searching for the truth in your words. Then, slowly, he nodded.

"Alright," he said quietly, "But if I ever mess up, you'll let me know, right?"

You chuckled, pulling him down for a kiss. "Always."

And for the first time in what felt like forever, Jason allowed himself to believe in something good, something lasting. With you.

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crab-rangoon-slut · 4 months ago

Text

The Blood We Shed

Telemachus x reader/you (first person pov)

Type: Slow burn, best friends to lovers, smut, blood as lube

Synopsis: Telemarket and Lyra/you are childhood best friends navigating life with the suitors.

Both of you discover your sick fantasies of killing the suitors and uhhh *reveling in it* while covered in blood are shared.

However, you hardly have time to process this fact before a unfathomable storm reaches the coast of Ithaca... wait is that man on fucking raft fighting the god of the sea? Hello??

Anyway they fuck on Antinous' corpse.

!!THERE WILL BE ODY X PENELOPE REUNION SMUT!!

(Originally on my ao3. I update on there faster and have more chapters out!)

CHAPTER 1

My eyes scan over the words on the parchment—pursuing a scroll on herbal identification I’d recently picked out at the library— until I hear a clumsy pair of sandals walk through the front door. I perk up, recognizing those heavy steps

“Tel–-Whaaaaaat the fuck happened?”

Before me stands my childhood best friend—who just so happens to also be the crown prince of Ithaca—covered in mud and muddy hand prints.

“What? Did you have to chase one of the local pigs around town or something?”

“HA!” Telemachus laughs with an overtly sarcastic tone, “More like the ‘pigs’ were chasing me.” He says gruffly, grimacing at today's run in with the suitors.

“Fucking hell, Lyra they were on one today,” He starts while sounding downright exhausted.

“We had an ale shipment come into the harbor, right? Those fucking bastards jacked the damned thing! Drank half of it before we could unload what was left for Zeus’ sake. Not just that, but one of the men got so drunk that he tr–”

I listen intently, that is up until I fully take him in: bruises here and there in addition to his scraped and swollen knuckles. I notice he has a slightly bloodied nose that he’s been rubbing off on his sleeve.

“—Is that fucking BLOOD????” I immediately get up to inspect him with concerned brows.

“Ok, maybe—”

“TELEMACHUS!”

“LYRA!”

“TELEMACHUS!!”

Ever since we met, Telemachus has always had a big heart— bigger than himself. And that’s where the problems arise.

He’s protective of the people he loves, always has been and always will. Even when we were small he’d try and tell off the asshole kids around town if they’d tried to bully me— usually it’d end with him garnering a black eye and a scraped knee, but he never cared. I’d always return the favor as his partner in crime. We’ve had each other's backs since day one.

I’ve found myself on more than one occasion smiling back at those times, when days were easier. His mother’s suitors were still somewhat behaved, the kingdom less restless, both of us having lesser responsibilities. We’d duel with wooden swords until we tired ourselves out, laying in the grass and daydreaming of days when we’d get into real fights and put our skills to the test. Recently though, I fear that could be any day now… The suitors have grown stronger, violent, and larger in numbers.

I put my face in my hands,

“You can’t take all those dogs at once and you know it. Why did you pick a fight you can’t win??”

“And who’s to say that?” He smirks, flexing like an idiot.

“You look like an idiot.” I say flatly.

“But like, a really strong and still very much ALIVE idiot!”

“Zeus and all the gods above— YOU HAVE MUD SEEPING INTO YOUR WOUNDS!”

He ducks his head behind his arms as I swat him,

“Go clean yourself up. I wanna see what damage I’m working with here.”

“FINE, FINE! Bloody hell woman!” Telemachus says with an exaggerated expression contrived of false frustration while he heads to the washroom.

I stand up from the bed and walk over to monitor him, my back turned to the doorway I stand to the side of. I hear him begin to wash in the basin.

“Do you need me to fetch you a new tunic? That one is a mess.”

He sighs, “I guess I should change—“

I go and retrieve one of his spares he keeps here—a testimate to just how often these occurrences happen.

I hear him chuckle from the other room,

“That’s fine. I’ll change in a second, I’ll settle for a towel for now.”

I hear a hiss of pain escape the washroom.

On instinct my body turns slightly to the sound, “Hey, are you ok?”

“Yeah, just scrubbed a bruise a little hard,”he says with reassurance in his voice, “I’m just about done.”

I pass him a large towel, my body still turned away from the door frame as he finishes up a moment later. I move to my bed and pat the spot next to me as he bundles himself.

“Here, sit. I’m going to get you some cloth for those scrapes.”

“Ok—“ he mutters somewhat embarrassed, realizing how often I’ve had to patch him up as of late. Even though he’s not as expressive as he’d like to be about it; he really appreciates the care I put into fixing him up.

I return with the cloth and some leaves. I’d found myself researching more pain relieving plants as of late— trying to be proactive for Ithaca's klutziest, overconfident fist-fighter. Though he could definitely hold his own with a sword, his form with hand-to-hand combat is still a work in progress. I will admit, he’s won a lot more fights lately, which I’m very proud of him for. But I do wish that fact didn’t give him the confidence to pick opponents that are out of his league.

I place down the items next to my grind stone and crush the leaves before I place them on the wounds of his knuckles.

Telemachus visibly relaxes as I spread the paste across his hands,

“That actually feels kinda nice…”

I smile softly, “I’m glad. I was hoping it wouldn’t hurt.” I wrap his hands in the cloth, careful to make sure that it’s secure from any movements and gestures.

“Tilt your head.” I tell him, getting up close while I’m trying to stop any bleeding.

“Yes mother.” he teases as he does what I ask of him. I shoot him a warning look.

“Ok sorry! Sorry!” He chuckles as he accepts the cloth and holds it to his nose and ensures it’s securely in place.

“Thanks Lyra. Seriously.”

I sigh, hardly putting any real frustration behind it.

“It’s okay, you just have to be more careful,” I say sitting down diagonal to his chair,

“I worry.”

“I know,” he says, “but I can’t help it! It’s fucked up that they get to walk around and get away with murder. Literal murder, Lyra! And NO ONE does anything about it.”

“I know….” I’m silent for a moment.

“I know you have Athena to aid you but remember YOU are still a mortal. You’re not invincible.”

He considers my words,

“Yeah. No you’re right… sometimes I forget that.” He admits sheepishly,

“But I’m not done yet, just wait and see. I’m going to kick all of their asses once and for all soon enough; that’s a promise.”

I smile at the idea. “I know you will.”

I sit back up and throw his fresh clothes at him, “but you can’t do that if you catch a cold, warm up a bit”

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mariahthealchemist · 28 days ago

Note

OKK IM BACK AB THE SUCIA FIC

ok lyrics the first two verses and chorus where reader us exploring her sexuality until she meets yanna at a party ( add on what u want !!)

Sucia, baby

Pairing: Ayanna Patterson x reader

Summary: reader navigates her sexuality until the night she meets yanna

Tags: @janaelalfysblunt @pboogerswbb @thaatdigitaldiary @lalaluna20 @mrsarnold @kamii-2 @bueckersverse @notyetyannasgf

Soph speaks: everyone say thank you leileibooooo 💓 hopefully you like it!! lmk if you want a part 2 😋

You never meant to be like this.

Curious. Reckless. Caught in rooms that blurred with smoke, lit by LED strips and bass drops. But the parties made it easier to forget how unsure you were of yourself.

You weren’t out. You weren’t in. You were… somewhere in between.

You told yourself it was just fun, just college. Just experimenting. But sometimes it felt like more. Like something aching beneath your skin.

Didn’t mean to fuck you like that, shoulda never took it this far, now I’m dealing with this backlash, cause now you wanna be stuck…

You remember her: the first girl.

She kissed you in the bathroom at a house party sophomore year. Vanilla chapstick on her lips, glitter in her inner corners, hands familiar.

It wasn’t romantic. It wasn’t kind. But it unlocked something.

Something raw. Something you couldn’t name yet.

So you chased it through strangers and low lights, pretending you weren’t lost.

I’m baptized in your taste, you look me in the face. When you touch me, we feel so amazing and extra peculiar…

Then came the party.

It wasn’t your scene. You didn’t usually mess with the athlete crowd. But your roommate dragged you there, promising “it’s not that kind of party.”

You almost turned around twice before walking in.

But that’s when you saw her.

Backlit by kitchen lights. A tall silhouette, all quiet power and perfectly sculpted cheekbones. She had on a UConn hoodie and gray sweats. No smile. Just that presence.

She wasn’t drinking. She wasn’t dancing.

But you swore, the moment she looked your way, everything stilled.

Got me all in my feels, like, I’ll never get over, I done seen too many signs, I should’ve never let you in…

She didn’t flirt with words. Just eyes. A slow, sharp once-over. You felt seen. Exposed.

You tried to look away. You always did when you were close to something real. But she moved toward you. Close enough for your breath to hitch.

“You don’t look like you belong here,” she said, voice low and even.

You wanted to say something clever. Instead, it was: “I don’t.”

She tilted her head, a slow smirk playing on her face. “Then why’d you come?”

“I… don’t know.” But you knew. You were looking for something. Someone.

Ayanna studied you for a second that felt like hours.

Then she said, “Come outside.”

You make me wanna risk it all, I never wanted anyone, you got me losin’ all control, I never been this vulnerable…

You followed her to the porch. Your fingers were shaking.

Maybe it was the cold.

Maybe it was her.

Yanna leaned against the railing, looked up at the stars like she wasn’t the most intimidating girl you’d ever seen.

Then she asked, “You like girls?”

Your breath caught. No one had asked you that, never straight up. But you found it attractive. How vulnerable she made you feel.

You stared at her. Lied and said, “Sometimes.”

She didn’t blink. Just said, “That’s enough.”

She didn’t touch you. Not then.

But her eyes did.

Every glance said I know you’re scared. I see you anyway.

And for the first time, you didn’t want to hide.

#uconn #wbb #uconn wbb #uconn wbb x reader #ayanna patterson #ayanna patterson x reader #mootsies 💋#soph's journal 🗝#soph’s writing 🎱🪴🔑

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ambiguous-avery · 1 month ago

Text

Glitter and Ashes

No pairings, fem!Angel!Reader/You | WC: 1513

Summary: Dean finds you during a hunt gone sideways. He expects a demon or a curse. Not an angel with tear-stained cheeks and who’s given up on humanity. You don’t think there’s anything left to save. But Dean thinks otherwise.

Tags/Warnings: no use of Y/N, no beta we die like men

A/N: My submission for @chevroletdean’s 500 celebration! Not gonna lie, this thing was a doozy for me to try and come up with an idea for! But it was a super fun challenge! A huge shout out to @jollyhunter, @losers-clvb, and @bettystonewell for all the help! I was hoping to get this done and uploaded earlier, but a bug has kept me in bed for the last two days straight. I’m still on cold medicine right now, so please forgive me if some of this seems... not entirely coherent.

When Dean kicked down the door of the motel room, he expected claws and fangs or maybe some sort of creature mid-feast. What he wasn’t expecting to find was you sitting on the bed with a horribly out of date floral-patterned comforter, wearing little more than an oversized t-shirt, staring at the static on the television, and with countless beer cans littered around the room.

Your gaze flicked over to him and Sam as they stepped into the room, surveying the mess around you. You made a small noise of acknowledgement.

“Huh... thought you’d be taller.”

“Excuse me?” Dean asked, lowering his gun and flashing you a confused expression.

“I watched you before I fell. A lot of angels did.You were the Righteous Man. Michael’s vessel. We all thought you’d be… I dunno… more impressive in person?” You shrugged and took another swig from the beer can in your hand. You grimaced at the taste.

“You’re an angel?” Sam asked, stepping further in the room. His gun was still trained on you, but he wore the same confused look as his brother.

“Was.” The word was bitter on your tongue. “Fell about three months ago. Still getting used to…” you made a vague gesture to yourself, “all this. Hunger. Exhaustion. Intoxication.” You raised your beer can in a mock toast. “And emotions. God the emotions! They’re like the worst part of it all.”

”Yeah, well, welcome to being human. It sucks.” Dean tucked his gun in the waistband of his jeans and cautiously moved around the room. You didn’t flinch when he stepped closer and the floor creaked beneath his boots. “So, what, you just decided to take a little vacation from Heaven? Thought you’d slum it with us mud monkeys for a while?”

You barked out a laugh that sounded less like a laugh and more like shattering glass.

”Vacation? Is that what you think this is?” You gestured with the hand holding the beer can, sloshing the liquid over yourself and the bed. You didn’t bother wiping it away. “Can you believe I chose this?” You asked incredulously. “We chose. Me and her. We believed in what Castiel was fighting for. Humanity. Free will. All of it. We thought…” Your voice caught in your throat. “Thought it would be worth it. Wanted to experience it.”

”What’s your name?” Sam asked, finally lowering his weapon. His expression softened as he came to stand by Dean.

“Doesn’t matter anymore,” you muttered, reaching for another beer that sat on the table next to you. “The name I had in heaven means nothing here.” You cracked open the lukewarm beer and downed a quarter of it in one go.

“You’ve just been living like this?” Dean asked. There was no judgement in his voice. Just... pity? Understanding? Sadness? You weren’t entirely sure.

“I stopped living when she died,” you said quietly, turning your attention back to the static on the TV. “This is just what comes after.”

“Who are you talking about?”

“My sister,” you said, the words feeling hollow in your mouth. “We fell together. Cut out each other’s grace. Figured we’d navigate this whole human thing together as a team.” You took another long drink, the alcohol going down easier than it had a couple weeks ago. “About a month in, a demon found us. Recognized what she was. What we were.” Dean frowned, his expression hardening.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

“Don’t be.” You shrugged. “You didn’t rip her apart while I watched. I couldn’t do anything. No grace. No power. Just... screaming.” Your free hand covered your ear, as if it could silence the cries you heard in your head every night. Sam moved closer, his foot kicking one of the stray beer cans on the floor.

“Is that why you’ve been causing trouble? The incidents around town–”

“I haven’t been causing trouble!” you snapped. “I’ve been trying to survive. Turns out that humanity doesn’t exactly welcome my kind with open arms. No ID, no history, no skills. Can’t even smite anything anymore.

“Castiel gave up everything for your kind. And we followed him down thinking that maybe we could understand what he saw. But it’s all just pain. Cruelty for no reason. And these parasites you call emotions,” your voice cracked as you spoke. “They feed on you when you least expect it. I thought you humans were supposed to have hope. And longing. And happiness. All I’ve gotten is despair and hurt.”

Sam and Dean shared a look between them, a silent conversation you couldn’t decipher even after a millennia of people-watching. It was different being among them – being one of them. Dean met your gaze.

“Yeah, some days it’s mostly crap.” Dean’s voice was gruff but there was a sense of understanding laced in it. “But that’s not all there is.”

“Then where is it?” you straightened up, beer sloshing over the rim of the can. “Cause I’ve been searching for the last month and a half, and all I get is ending up back at this motel room.” The room felt too small with the three of you in it. The air was thick with the scent of stale beer and desperation.

“It doesn’t just come to you,” Sam said gently. “That’s not how being human works.”

“Then how does it work?” your voice went quiet. “Because I don’t understand any of this. I watched humanity for centuries. I saw civilizations rise and fall. I thought I understood, but–”

“You were watching from the cheap seats, sweetheart,” Dean interrupted. “Big difference between seeing a game and being in it.” He stepped closer and carefully took the beer from you, scowling when he felt how warm it was. “Look, I get it. The world’s a mess, and people are worse. And when you’re in the thick of it, it can feel like there’s nothing good left.”

You sank back into the pillows on the bed, his words sinking into you like lead. The weight of humanity dragged at your bones in a way your vessel never did when you had your grace.

“I just wanted to understand,” you whispered. “I thought that... whatever Castiel must’ve felt had to be wonderful if it was enough for him to sacrifice everything.” Sam took a seat on the edge of the bed beside you.

“Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe you’re looking for some big revelation. Some perfect moment that makes everything worth it. But that’s not what being human is about,” he said gently.

“Then what’s it like?” You hated how small your voice sounded. How human it made you feel.

“It’s... moments.” Sam paused, searching for the right words. “Small ones. A good cup of coffee. A book that holds your attention while the hours go by. Laughing until your sides hurt.”

“Or pie,” Dean cut in, his lips quirking up in a half smile. “Definitely pie.” You stared at them like they had gone mad or perhaps grown a second head.

“That’s it?” you asked incredulously. “That’s what makes all this,” you gestured vaguely to the room around you, “worthwhile?”

“Didn’t say it would be easy,” Dean said, crossing his arms. “But yeah, those little moments? They matter. They’re what you fight for.”

“I’m not fighting for anything anymore.” The admission felt like defeat. Regret. Regret for falling. Regret for ever believing in silly little humans. Dean held his hand out for you.

“You’ve seen the worst of us. Let us show you the rest.”

You looked down at your own hands. Hands that used to hold the stars and now shook from sorrow and regret. For a brief moment, they seemed to twinkle in the dim light of the motel room. And after another second, you realized they weren’t twinkling. Tears had dripped down onto your palms and caught the light.

“Oh,” you whispered. “I’m... leaking again.”

“Crying,” Sam corrected softly. “It’s normal. Healthy, even.” You wiped the tears away with the heel of your palm.

“It feels terrible.”

“Yeah, well,” Dean gave a half-shrug, his hand still extended towards you. “Most of the important things in life do.” You stared hard at his outstretched fingers – calloused, scarred, human. The hand of someone who’s fought and bled and lost but kept going regardless. After a long moment, you took it, letting him pull you to your feet.

“So what happens now?” you asked, swaying slightly.

“First, a shower.” Dean wrinkled his nose. “And some fresh clothes for you. Then food. Real food. Not whatever crap you’ve been living on.”

“I had pizza the other day.”

“Yeah, you’re gonna need more than that, sweetheart. How about this? You shower, we’ll get you some clothes and some pie, then we can get you to someone who can help you adjust better than we can.”

“Who?” Your defenses immediately went up. The world had taught you caution these past few months. Every kindness came with a price tag you couldn’t afford.

“Cas,” Dean said simply. “He made you believe in us. Let us show you that we’re worth believing in.”

---

Likes, reblogs, and comments are greatly appreciated!

Tagging everyone on my list bc it's Spn related: @jollyhunter @aylacavebear @globetrotter28 @bettystonewell @supernotnatural2005 @sorryitsmyfirstdayonearth @maddie0101 @sir-thisisadndserver @colours-of-thewind @kiddieclaws @mostlymarvelgirl @rurwu @imalapdog @losers-clvb @zyra-7 @ladykitana90 @stoneyggirl2 @voodoochildthings @theamuz

Drop a comment, ask away, or add yourself to my taglist!

#chevroletdean's 500 #spn #dean winchester #supernatural #No use of Y/N #no beta we die like men #dean fanfiction #dean winchester fanfiction #reader insert #jensen ackles characters #supernatural fanfiction #fluff #sam winchester fic #sam winchester #angel!reader #sam winchester fanfiction #jared padalecki

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sherewrytes · 4 months ago

Text

𝔹𝕣𝕠𝕜𝕖𝕟 ℙ𝕚𝕖𝕔𝕖𝕤, ℝ𝕪𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕟 𝕊𝕦𝕜𝕦𝕟𝕒 10

↳ Sukuna x f! black reader

Summary: After the death of his grandfather, Sukuna Ryomen is left to shoulder the weight of his family, caring for his younger brothers, Yuuji and Choso. As he withdraws into grief, his relationship with Y/N, his girlfriend of a year, begins to crumble. When Y/N discovers the truth about his grandfather’s passing during a heated argument, it leads to a painful breakup. Now, both are navigating life apart, but Sukuna’s heart aches for Y/N. Determined to win her back, he must confront his pain and find a way to break through the walls he’s built. Can he rekindle their love, or is it too late?

contents: heavy angst, modern au, 18+, smut, dark romance, drug use, talks of depression and similar topics. (a lil )

fic warnings. ooc, profanity, mental health issues, toxic relationships, cheating, explicit smut, serious drug use, mentions of depression + more to be updated as story progresses.

Please read with proper discretion. this is a work of fiction. all characters are written to portray roles that are necessary to the plot and are in no way a reflection of their canon counterparts.

Taglist: @for-hearthand-home@clp-84@thelightknight21@favvkiki @helightknight21@dylsw@ria-s-writes@sleepymothafterhours@sukunasstomachtongue@cosmic-lovr@imm0rtalbutterfly@kyo-kyo1

if you wanna be added to the tag list comment

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Chapter 10: After Hours

The days bled together, each one a repeat of the last. I woke up to the same white walls, the same sterile air, the same suffocating silence. The routine felt like a never-ending cycle: eat, therapy, argue with the therapist, meet with Selene, get high, fuck, then retreat back to my room to sleep off the guilt. I didn’t even have the energy to fight the monotony anymore. It was easier to just go through the motions.

Every morning therapy session felt like a war zone. I hated it. The words they said to me, the questions they asked, the way they looked at me like I was some broken puzzle piece—they all gnawed at me, and I fought back with every ounce of bitterness I had left. I wasn’t ready to confront anything, especially not the damage I’d done to myself and the people around me. Not yet.

Selene had become my secret escape. She wasn’t anyone I trusted, but in a place like this, trust was a luxury I couldn’t afford. She provided the pills, the numbness I craved. It wasn’t the same as the chaos I used to embrace, but it was the closest I could get to escaping this damn place.

When we hooked up, it was just another way to drown out the noise in my head, to feel something—anything—other than the crushing weight of everything I’d been running from. It didn’t mean anything, not really. But it was a distraction. A temporary release.

One week in this hellhole, and I was already suffocating. The days felt like an eternity, and I found myself yearning for the moment I could leave. But each time I thought about leaving, about going back to the chaos I used to live in, I remembered the mess I’d made of myself. The last thing I wanted was to drag anyone down with me.

I closed my eyes, blocking out everything.

This is what I deserve,

I told myself.

I made my bed.

But deep down, I knew I wasn’t just here because of my choices. I was here because I didn’t know how to deal with everything that had happened. And I hated myself for it.

I was in my afternoon session, the clock ticking endlessly in the background. Mrs. Henry sat across from me, her sharp gaze dissecting every inch of my expression. I didn’t care. I stared back, unblinking, waiting for her to say something.

"Are you high right now, Sukuna?" she asked again, her voice calm, almost too calm. I could tell she wasn’t going to let me off the hook that easily.

I shrugged, leaning back in the uncomfortable chair, arms crossed over my chest. "No," I shot back, my tone colder than I meant it to be. "How would I be high, Mrs. Henry? I’m not medicated. I'm an addict. Isn't that how it works?" I could feel the bitterness seeping through, like it had become my default setting, something I couldn’t turn off even if I wanted to.

Mrs. Henry leaned forward slightly, her gaze still unwavering. "You don't have to act tough here, Sukuna. You're allowed to be vulnerable," she said, like I was just another patient in a line of many she’d tried to fix.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not trying to act tough," I muttered, though I could feel the defensive walls rising in me. "I'm just telling you how it is. You think this is me acting tough? This is me, trying not to lose my mind in a place where no one gives a damn."

Her silence only pissed me off more, but I kept my face blank. I wasn’t about to give her the satisfaction of seeing me break down. Not now. Not ever.

“Let’s just cut to the chase,” I muttered, crossing my arms. “Ask me the usual questions.”

Mrs. Henry didn’t even flinch. She kept her gaze steady, her tone measured. “Are you high?”

I rolled my eyes and bit back a sigh. “No,” I said, for the second time, just as quick and just as smooth.

The truth, though, was a different story. I was high—just enough to keep my hands steady, my mind quiet. But I needed Selene right now, more than I needed to be honest. So I wasn’t ever going to say yes.

Not to her. Not to anyone.

Mrs. Henry didn't press me any further. She knew the game I was playing, but she couldn't call me on it—not yet, anyway. She jotted something down on her clipboard, her eyes still fixed on me like she was waiting for me to slip up.

"Alright," she said, her tone still annoyingly calm. "Have you been using any substances recently, Sukuna? Specifically, Xanax?"

I could feel a familiar itch in the back of my throat, the need to lie, to deflect, to make sure she didn’t get any closer to the truth.

"No," I said again, as easily as I had the first time, my voice steady, maybe a little too steady. I forced myself not to flinch under her gaze, knowing that if I did, she’d be all over me like a hawk.

I wanted to leave. I needed Selene. She was the only one who could get me out of this fog, who could give me something that made all of it bearable. I could already picture her face, that grin she always had when I showed up, and the promise of relief she always offered.

But I wasn’t going to give her that. Not yet. I’d just lie and lie until I couldn’t lie anymore. The truth? I couldn’t deal with that right now.

"Anything else you've been doing to cope with everything going on?" Mrs. Henry asked, clearly trying to dig a little deeper.

I stared at her, my jaw clenched, unwilling to give her the satisfaction of seeing me crack. "No. Nothing else," I said, the words falling from my lips like they were rehearsed.

I was running out of ways to keep pretending. But if I kept pretending long enough, maybe I could still feel like I had control. Just a little bit longer.

Mrs. Henry raised an eyebrow, not surprised by my response, but still taking notes, as if this was just another layer of the facade I was building around myself.

"That’s understandable," she said, her voice even, "But sometimes, connecting with others here can help with the process, Sukuna. You don’t have to go through this alone."

I almost scoffed at her, but I stopped myself, keeping the anger in check. I didn't need to give her more ammo.

"I'm not alone," I replied coldly. "I’ve got my family. I don’t need therapy buddies to deal with my shit. That’s not gonna fix anything."

I knew I was being defensive, but what else was I supposed to do? Letting someone in would mean they'd see the cracks in my armor, and I wasn’t about to give anyone that kind of power over me—not in here.

"Your family, huh?" she probed, her eyes narrowing just a bit. "Are they the kind of family that supports you through this?"

I glanced away, irritated.

I don't need her judging me.

I shook my head slightly. "Doesn’t matter. It’s just... easier when I’m not trying to pretend like everything's fine. I'm dealing with it on my own, and that's it."

The silence stretched between us, thick with unspoken words. But I didn’t care. I wasn’t here for this. I didn’t want to talk about my family or what I needed from them.

All I wanted was to get through the day without feeling like I was suffocating.

Mrs. Henry didn’t push it any further, which made me wonder if she knew she wasn’t going to get anywhere. But I couldn’t stop myself from wondering—if I really was alone, what would happen if I let someone in? What would happen if I stopped pushing everyone away, stopped lying about how fine I was, stopped pretending I didn’t care?

I shoved the thought out of my mind quickly, the familiar tightness in my chest taking over again.

No. Not now. Not ever.

“Tell me about Jin.”

The words hit me like a punch to the gut. I froze. My chest tightened, my mind grinding to a halt. Jin? Who told her about him? How did she know?

My palms started to sweat, my shirt sticking to my back as the room suddenly felt ten degrees hotter. My mouth went dry, and for the first time in the session, I couldn’t think of a single word to say.

Everything blurred, my heartbeat thundering in my ears. All I could focus on was that name—his name—echoing in my head like a curse.

The mention of Jin hit me like a punch to the gut. My entire body tensed, a rush of heat and cold sweeping through me all at once.

How the hell did she know?

I gritted my teeth, trying to regain control, but my hands were shaking. I clenched them into fists, digging my nails into my palms to distract myself.

I can't break. I can’t break.

"Who told you about Jin?" I growled, my voice hoarse, as if the words were being dragged from my throat.

Mrs. Henry didn’t flinch, didn’t shy away. She just stared at me, unblinking, waiting for me to answer. It was as if she knew exactly how to push me, to get under my skin.

I swallowed hard, my throat dry as sandpaper

Fuck.

I didn’t want to talk about Jin. I didn’t want to think about him. Not now. Not here.

Not when I’m like this.

"Answer me," I snapped, my voice rising, cracking slightly at the edges. "Who the fuck told you?"

She didn’t answer. She just waited, her calm demeanor unnerving. "It’s not about who told me, Sukuna," she said softly, but there was something in her tone that made me freeze. "It’s about you. It’s about how you’re still carrying that weight."

I felt a lump form in my throat, my chest tightening with the familiar, suffocating pain.

God, not this again.

Jin. My fucking twin. The one person who knew me better than anyone. The one person I could always count on. And now he’s gone, and I’m here... spiraling in a place where everything feels wrong. Where I can’t breathe, where I can’t fix it, and where every memory of him feels like a betrayal.

I wanted to yell, scream, or throw something, but I couldn’t. I was trapped in this room, in my own mind, drowning in guilt and rage and fucking grief.

Why am I even here?

"I don’t want to talk about it," I muttered, my voice barely above a whisper.

Just let me fucking be.

But Mrs. Henry didn’t back down. She leaned in slightly, her eyes sharp, but with a gentleness that pissed me off. "That’s part of the problem, Sukuna. You’re not talking about it. You’re burying it all inside, and it’s eating you alive."

My breath hitched, the walls around me crumbling just a bit. I hated how right she sounded, but I wasn’t going to let her see that.

"I’m not... I’m not burying shit," I hissed, my jaw clenching as I stood up from my seat. "Just drop it. Just fucking drop it."

But her eyes never left me. And even though I wanted to walk out, to escape, a part of me knew I couldn’t

I couldn’t outrun this anymore.

She sighed, her expression softening just slightly, like she was treading carefully now. “Alright,” she said, switching gears. “Tell me about your brothers—Choso and Yuuji.”

I exhaled, long and slow, the tension in my shoulders easing just a bit.

Finally, A safe topic.

I leaned back in my chair, relieved that she switched topics.

Choso and Yuuji...

It was like a breath of fresh air compared to the mess of Jin. I had to admit, even if I didn’t want to be here, talking about them didn’t feel like total torture.

"Choso’s... he's my responsibility, the kid I’m supposed to look out for," I started, trying to steady my voice. I felt a weird kind of warmth in my chest when I thought about him. I wasn’t used to it, but there it was. "He’s been through a lot, too. We both have. After... everything with Jin, I stepped up. Trying to give him something solid, you know?" I paused for a second, wondering if I was saying too much. But I kept going.

"And Yuuji... shit, Yuuji’s like a kid brother I never asked for, but somehow ended up with. He’s stubborn, and sometimes I want to strangle him, but he's a good kid. I Want to be better. I’m just trying to keep him from making the same mistakes I did, even if he doesn’t listen half the time."

A laugh escaped me, though it wasn’t really a happy one. More like a bitter one, like the sound of frustration.

"I don’t know," I muttered, looking down at my hands, the weight of the conversation starting to press on me again. "They’re both better off without me dragging them down. Hell, Yuuji’s better off without me around. Choso... he deserves better too."

Mrs. Henry studied me, her gaze unwavering as always. "You’re doing your best, Sukuna. You’re not perfect, none of us are, but you’re still here for them, aren’t you? They care about you."

I felt my chest tighten again, but I pushed it away.

No, they don’t.

Not really.

"Yeah, I guess," I mumbled. "But I’m not the guy they think I am."

I rubbed my face, trying to force down the feelings clawing at my insides.

I’m not the guy anyone thinks I am.

She didn’t respond, just let the silence stretch out between us. And in that moment, I wanted nothing more than to shut it all out, to just stop thinking, stop feeling.

But I couldn’t.

She stared at me for a moment then asked, “Tell me about your Grandfather.”

I felt the tears on my face before I could even stop it. I wiped my face but the tears kept coming.

I felt a lump form in my throat before she even finished asking.

Grandpa.

It was like she dug her hand into an old wound, one I’d been trying to close off for months. I couldn’t help it—the tears came, stinging my eyes before I could even stop them.

I wiped my face, frustrated that I was so damn weak. But I didn’t look away. I wasn’t about to give her that satisfaction of seeing me completely unravel.

"I can't... I can't talk about him," I muttered, voice rough and thick with the emotion I was trying to choke down.

Grandpa

He was the only one who ever truly gave a damn about me, about Jin, about Choso and Yuuji. Hell, he took care of us when no one else would. And then, just like that, he was gone. Gone too damn soon.

I could already feel the ache in my chest, the empty space he left behind. "I don’t... I can’t. It’s too much," I said again, my voice quieter now, more fragile. I could barely even look at her.

Mrs. Henry didn’t say anything right away, and for a second, I thought maybe she was going to press the issue again. But then she just nodded. "Okay," she said softly. "We’ll move on. When you’re ready, Sukuna."

It was hard to swallow. To think about how I’d never truly be ready. I didn’t want to be. Talking about Grandpa meant feeling everything again—the guilt, the rage, the confusion. And I wasn’t sure I could handle it.

I turned away, pretending to focus on the clock ticking on the wall, but the weight of the conversation hung over me, making it harder to breathe.

I wasn’t ready. Not now, not ever.

The room felt like it was closing in on me. My chest tightened, and I could barely catch my breath.

Jin.

His face flashed in front of me like a damn haunting.

Why did I do it? Why did I let him die?

I felt the bile rise in my throat just as I realized I was going to lose control. I pushed the chair back and stumbled toward the bin in the corner, barely making it in time. My stomach twisted violently as I emptied whatever little was left in my body. The tears mixed with the vomit, and I didn’t even know where one ended and the other began.

When it stopped, I collapsed against the cold, sterile floor, my body shaking. I could barely breathe, the air thick with panic and grief. My arms wrapped around me instinctively, like I could hold myself together if I just kept tight enough.

But I knew it was a lie.

My body trembled, but my mind—

my mind was a fucking mess.

Jin’s death. Grandpa’s. The guilt. The weight of it all. How could I even keep living with this?

"You didn’t save him,"

I muttered, my voice cracking, barely audible.

"You were too weak... too scared."

The sound of the door creaking open reached my ears, but I couldn’t look up. I didn’t want anyone to see me like this.

"Sukuna," Mrs. Henry’s voice was soft, like she was trying to approach a wild animal. But it wasn’t working.

Nothing worked.

I pulled my knees tighter to my chest, shutting my eyes, trying to block it all out. But I couldn’t.

I couldn’t.

It was always there.

She came closer but stopped just out of reach, probably sensing the distance in me. "This won’t fix itself, Sukuna," she said gently, but it felt like a slap. "You can’t keep running from it."

I didn’t say anything. Couldn’t. The only thing I could hear now was the deafening silence in my mind, the pounding of my own heartbeat, and the deep, gut-wrenching ache of what I’d lost. What I was losing.

Maybe I was right. Maybe I was already too far gone.

I DIDN’T LEAVE MY ROOM FOR TWO DAYS

I heard the door creak open, and I stayed curled up in my bed, wrapped in the blanket like it could shield me from everything. I couldn’t move, couldn’t look at anyone. The guilt kept swirling, suffocating me. My thoughts were too loud—

too loud to escape.

I killed Jin. I could’ve stopped him. I should’ve been there.

Mrs. Henry’s soft footsteps approached, and then I heard the bed creak as she sat beside me. She didn’t try to touch me, didn’t push me to look at her. She just sat there, quiet, waiting for me to speak.

I kept my eyes shut, fighting the tears that were threatening to spill again. I couldn’t face her. I couldn’t face anyone.

"Sukuna," her voice was calm, but there was a tenderness there I didn’t expect. "You can’t keep doing this. You have to talk about it. Holding it all in... it’s not going to fix anything."

I bit my lip, trying to keep it together, but my chest felt like it was caving in. I finally spoke, but my voice was hoarse, cracking, barely a whisper.

"I killed him," I said, the words tasting like acid in my mouth. "I killed Jin. I could’ve stopped him. I should’ve been there... but I wasn’t."

She didn’t say anything at first, just let me breathe through the wave of guilt and grief that hit me. I could feel her presence next to me, but I couldn’t bring myself to look up.

"Jin made his own choices," Mrs. Henry said softly, her voice steady, but somehow it didn't feel as harsh as it should. "You couldn’t have known what would happen, Sukuna. You’re carrying this weight like it’s your fault, but you need to understand... it’s not. You’re not responsible for his death."

I shook my head, the tears falling freely now. "I was supposed to protect him. I was supposed to—be there."

She sighed, a long, patient breath. "You can’t change what happened. No matter how much you want to. But you can change how you’re handling it now. You’re not alone in this, Sukuna. You have people who care about you, who want to help."

"Who?" I choked out, bitterly. "Who the hell cares? Jin’s gone. My grandpa’s gone. All I’ve done is fuck up."

Mrs. Henry was quiet for a moment before she spoke again, her tone soft but firm. "Sukuna, you're not alone. I know it feels like the world is falling apart, like everything’s broken beyond repair, but that’s not the truth. You have people who care, and you can find a way to make it through this—

but you need to let them in."

I stayed quiet, feeling the weight of her words. I didn’t know how to let anyone in, not after everything. Not after what I did.

I wanted to say something back, but the lump in my throat wouldn’t let me. I wanted to argue, to scream that I didn’t deserve their help. But there was something in Mrs. Henry’s voice, a quiet strength, that made me hold back.

She was right.

I couldn’t do this alone.

But

How could I let anyone in again?

Mrs. Henry stayed beside me, her voice calm but steady. “Sukuna, you need to breathe. Look at me,” she said gently, but I couldn’t. My chest was heaving, my breaths shallow and erratic. My hands were shaking as I clutched the edge of the blanket like it was the only thing keeping me tethered.

“Focus on my voice, Sukuna. Just listen to me.” Her tone softened further, soothing in a way that cut through the chaos swirling in my head. “You’re safe right now. Nothing is going to hurt you. You need to breathe—slowly. In through your nose, out through your mouth.”

I tried, but the panic had a stranglehold on me. My head was spinning, and I felt like I was sinking, spiraling deeper into the pit I couldn’t climb out of.

Mrs. Henry shifted closer, her presence firm yet non-threatening. “You can do this. Start small. Breathe in for three seconds, okay? Let’s count together.” She started counting, her voice steady, unwavering.

“One… two… three. Now exhale. One… two… three.”

I gripped the blanket tighter, forcing myself to follow her rhythm, though it felt like my lungs were burning. Each breath felt like a fight, but slowly, painfully, the dizziness started to fade.

“That’s it,” she encouraged. “Keep going. You’re doing great.”

Tears blurred my vision as I finally managed to draw in a deeper breath, though it came out shaky. My chest still felt tight, but the suffocating weight began to lift, just a little.

“Good,” she said softly. “Now, I want you to name five things you can see in the room. Can you do that?”

I hesitated, my voice barely above a whisper. “The… the blanket.”

“That’s one,” she said patiently. “What else?”

“The wall,” I muttered, my eyes darting around. “The chair. The… clock. And… the bin.”

“Good,” she said, nodding. “Now, four things you can touch.”

“The bed,” I said, my hands still gripping the blanket. “The blanket… my shirt… and the floor.”

Her voice remained calm as she guided me through the exercise, helping me ground myself. By the time I’d listed the last thing, my breathing had slowed, though my chest still ached with the weight of everything.

“You’re okay,” she said, her voice gentle. “You’re here, and you’re okay. I know it feels impossible right now, but you’re stronger than you think.”

I shook my head, the tears falling freely again. “I don’t feel strong,” I admitted, my voice breaking. “I feel… broken. Like I can’t fix this.”

Mrs. Henry stayed quiet for a moment, then said softly, “Broken doesn’t mean beyond repair. It means you’re human, Sukuna. And humans can heal, even from the worst of it. But you have to let yourself try.”

I didn’t respond, but something about her words stuck with me, even as I buried my face in my hands. Maybe she was right. Maybe I could try. But it felt so far away, like the light at the end of a tunnel I wasn’t sure I’d ever reach.

TIME SKIP 2 DAYS

It didn’t take long for me to fall back into the routine. Two days later, I found myself back in Selene’s room. The dim light and faint smell of perfume mixed with something sharper—a scent I couldn’t quite place but was starting to associate with her. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, her legs crossed, a lazy smirk tugging at her lips as she eyed me.

“You look like shit, Sukuna,” she teased, tossing a pill bottle from one hand to the other. “Rough couple of days?”

I leaned against the doorframe, my arms crossed, trying to ignore how my hands were already shaking. “Are you offering or just here to waste my time?”

She laughed, that low, mocking sound she always made when she thought she had the upper hand. “Always so charming.” She tilted her head, studying me. “What do you need?”

“Same as always.” I stepped inside, shutting the door behind me. My heart was racing, my skin crawling. I hated needing her—hated how easy it was for her to control me with just a damn bottle. But the withdrawals were eating me alive, and right now, I’d do whatever it took to quiet the noise in my head.

Selene patted the spot on the bed next to her. “Come sit, then. Let’s talk business.”

I hesitated, then walked over, lowering myself onto the edge of the mattress. She shifted closer, her knee brushing against mine as she placed the bottle in my hand. I clenched it tightly, like it was the only thing keeping me from falling apart.

“What’s the catch?” I asked, glancing at her. There was always a catch with her.

Selene’s grin widened. “No catch. Just some… companionship. You’re not exactly hard to look at, you know.”

I rolled my eyes, twisting the cap off the bottle. I shook two pills into my hand, then stopped, my mind flashing back to Mrs. Henry, to the therapy sessions, to Yuuji’s face when I woke up in the hospital. For a split second, I considered throwing the pills away, walking out of the room and never coming back.

But then the gnawing ache in my chest returned, the unbearable weight pressing down on me. The thought of facing another night without relief was enough to push me over the edge. I swallowed the pills dry, ignoring the burn in my throat.

Selene watched me, her expression unreadable. “You know,” she said after a moment, “you don’t have to keep doing this. Killing yourself slowly isn’t as poetic as you think.”

“Spare me the lecture,” I muttered, leaning back against the wall. My head was already starting to feel lighter, the sharp edges of reality beginning to blur. “You’re not exactly a model citizen either.”

She shrugged, lying back on the bed. “Fair point. But at least I own it. You? You’re still pretending you don’t want this.”

I didn’t respond, letting the silence settle between us. The pills were kicking in now, the world fading into a dull hum. Selene reached over, brushing her fingers against my arm, and I didn’t pull away.

“You’re a mess, Sukuna,” she said softly, her voice almost gentle. “But I guess that’s why you’re here.”

I closed my eyes, letting her words wash over me. She was right—I was a mess. And right now, I didn’t care.

Selene straddled me, her nails tracing lazy patterns over my chest. It was becoming routine now—therapy in the morning, sneaking into her room after, getting high, fucking, and pretending none of it mattered. Rinse and repeat.

I should’ve been using my time here to get better, especially after my little breakdown in front of Mrs. Henry. Instead, I was right back to the same shit that got me here in the first place. I guess that’s just who I am—someone who runs from the hard stuff, diving headfirst into the chaos to drown it out.

Selene tilted her head, her messy bangs falling into her face as she looked down at me. “You’re awfully quiet today,” she said, her voice a mix of teasing and curiosity.

I shrugged, avoiding her gaze. “Not much to say.”

She laughed, low and husky, leaning down until her face was inches from mine. “You’re always full of shit, you know that?”

“Maybe,” I muttered, placing my hands on her hips. The Xanax was working its magic, dulling everything until it felt like I was floating. Selene pressed her lips to mine, and for a moment, I let myself get lost in her.

I wasn’t sure what this was between us—something transactional, something toxic. It wasn’t love, that much I knew. But it was an escape, and that’s all I wanted.

When we were done, she rolled off me, lighting a cigarette as she stretched out on the bed. The smoke curled in lazy tendrils toward the ceiling, and I stared at it, my thoughts swirling.

“You ever think about what you’re gonna do when you get out of here?” she asked, exhaling a long plume of smoke.

I laughed bitterly, running a hand through my hair. “If I get out of here, you mean.”

Selene smirked, passing me the cigarette. “You’ll get out. The question is, what then? Back to the same old shit?”

I took a drag, letting the nicotine hit my lungs before answering. “Probably. What else is there?”

She shrugged, her expression unreadable. “Maybe you could try being a better person. Get your shit together for real this time.”

“Funny coming from you,” I shot back, handing the cigarette back to her.

She laughed, shaking her head. “Fair enough. But seriously, Sukuna. You can’t keep running forever.”

“Watch me,” I said, my voice sharper than I intended.

Selene didn’t push further, just lay back against the pillows, her cigarette dangling from her fingers. I stared at the ceiling, wondering if there was even a point to all this. Therapy, the pills, the bullshit self-reflection—none of it felt like it was working.

I should’ve been getting help. Instead, I was stuck in this cycle, spinning my wheels and going nowhere. Maybe I deserved it. Maybe this was all I was good for.

Selene’s fingers traced over the tattoo on my arm, her touch light but intentional. “Who’s Y/N?” she asked, her voice laced with curiosity.

I stiffened beneath her, the name pulling me out of my haze like a bucket of cold water. My chest tightened, and I swallowed hard, trying to keep my expression neutral.

“No one,” I muttered, my voice rough. “I don’t got a girl.”

Selene raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying it. “Then why’s her name inked on your arm, huh?” She smirked, tilting her head. “Doesn’t seem like ‘no one’ to me.”

I glanced down at the tattoo like I was seeing it for the first time. Y/N. The black ink stood out starkly against my skin, mocking me. When the fuck did I even get that? My head felt foggy, the Xanax dulling everything but the faint stab of panic creeping in.

“Shit,” I muttered under my breath. “I don’t even remember getting this.”

Selene laughed, the sound low and throaty as she leaned in closer, her lips brushing against my neck. “Must’ve been important enough at some point,” she teased, pressing a kiss to my jaw. “Or were you just drunk and stupid like usual?”

“Drop it,” I snapped, my voice sharper than I intended.

She pulled back slightly, her smirk fading as she studied my face. For a moment, I thought she might actually listen, but then her lips were on my neck again, her hands sliding up my chest.

“Relax,” she murmured against my skin. “I don’t care who she is. Or was. You’re here with me now, aren’t you?”

Her words made my stomach churn, but I didn’t push her off. I let her continue, let her kiss me, let her try to distract me from the weight pressing down on my chest.

But the name lingered in the back of my mind, a bitter reminder of everything I’d been trying so damn hard to forget.

Selene’s lips hovered near my ear, her voice low and coaxing. “I could be her for you,” she whispered, her words weaving around me like smoke. “Just for one day. Whatever you want, Sukuna. I don’t mind.”

Her fingers danced over my chest, light and deliberate, and I could feel the weight of her gaze, searching for the cracks in my armor.

My throat tightened as her words sank in, dragging up feelings I’d buried too deep to face.

Be her? She didn’t know what the fuck she was asking for. Y/N wasn’t just anyone, and she sure as hell wasn’t someone you could play pretend with.

I clenched my fists, my nails digging into my palms as I stared at the floor. “Don’t,” I muttered, my voice low and strained. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

Selene tilted her head, feigning innocence, but I could see the spark of curiosity in her eyes. “I’m just trying to help, Sukuna,” she purred. “You’re clearly hung up on her, and I don’t mind stepping in. Let me take the weight off, just for a little while.”

I hated how tempting it sounded.

The idea of forgetting, even for a moment, felt like a lifeline in this hellhole. But it wasn’t real. Nothing about this place, about her, was real. And deep down, I knew it wouldn’t help. If anything, it’d make things worse.

“Why would you even want that?” I asked, my voice sharper than I intended. I finally looked at her, my jaw clenched.

She shrugged, her smile not reaching her eyes. “Maybe I like the challenge. Or maybe I just like you.”

I laughed bitterly, shaking my head. “You don’t even know me.”

Selene leaned in closer, her lips brushing against my cheek. “Then let me.”

I hesitated, my thoughts a chaotic mess.

Part of me wanted to say yes, to let her pretend, to drown in the fantasy for a day. But another part of me—probably the part that still gave a shit about Y/N—knew it was wrong. Knew it would only make me feel emptier in the end.

“Selene,” I said, my voice hoarse, “just stop.”

She froze for a moment, then pulled back, her expression a mix of frustration and disappointment. “Fine,” she said, standing up and smoothing her clothes. “But don’t come crying to me when the weight of whatever this is crushes you.”

I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. All I could do was sit there, the ghost of Y/N’s name burning on my arm and in my chest.

I stared at Selene, her words echoing in my head like a challenge I was too weak to resist.

Fuck it,

I thought. Just this once. Just to see if it’ll dull the ache.

My jaw tightened as I muttered, “Fine.”

Her smile was instant, victorious, as she climbed back onto my lap, her hands cupping my face. “Good,” she purred, her lips brushing against mine. “I’ll take care of you.”

I didn’t say anything else. I didn’t want to think. Thinking meant remembering, and remembering meant feeling. I couldn’t afford to feel right now.

She kissed me, soft and slow at first, testing the waters, before deepening it. I let her. I let her press her weight against me, let her fingers trail over my skin, let her pretend to be someone she could never be.

It wasn’t the same. It would never be the same.

But I let myself fall into the lie for a moment, closing my eyes and imagining it was Y/N. The way she used to look at me, the way her hands used to fit against my chest, the way she’d whisper my name like it meant something.

Selene pulled back, her eyes searching mine, a smirk playing on her lips. “You’re so tense,” she teased, running her hands down my arms. “Relax. Let me make you forget.”

Forget?

I wanted to laugh. There was no forgetting her. No forgetting the tattoo burned into my skin, the memories etched into my soul. But I was too tired to argue. Too tired to fight.

“Just… do what you want,” I muttered, leaning back against the wall.

She didn’t need to be told twice.

As she kissed me again, I let myself go numb, focusing on the moment instead of the weight in my chest. But no matter how hard I tried, Y/N’s face stayed in my mind, her voice echoing in my ears.

And when it was over, when Selene curled up beside me, satisfied and smug, all I could feel was emptiness.

Just this once, I’d told myself. But even once was too much.

I slowly got lost in the sensations, my thoughts slipping away as Selene’s hands roamed over my skin. Her lips moved across my neck, her breath warm against my ear. For a moment, I let myself sink into it—the touch, the heat, the false comfort.

My body reacted, but my mind drifted elsewhere. I felt her, but I wasn’t really there. Each kiss, each touch, blurred together, and in the haze, I saw Y/N’s face instead.

Her laughter. The way she’d roll her eyes when I teased her. The sound of her voice when she said my name like it actually mattered.

Selene’s lips brushed against mine, pulling me back to the present, but it didn’t feel right. It wasn’t her. It wasn’t the person I wanted, even though I’d told myself I didn’t want Y/N anymore.

Liar.

“Relax,” Selene whispered, her hands sliding down my chest.

I closed my eyes, trying to shut out the ache creeping into my chest. I focused on the sensations—the way her fingers dug into my skin, the way her body moved against mine. For a while, it worked. I felt the tension melt away, replaced by something easier to handle.

But as much as I tried to let go, as much as I tried to drown myself in Selene’s touch, I couldn’t fully escape the weight pressing down on me. It was like a shadow lingering in the corner of my mind, refusing to leave.

What the fuck are you doing, Sukuna?

The thought hit me like a slap, but I pushed it away, letting myself drift deeper into the moment.

It’s just this once. Just to feel something different. Just to forget.

Selene’s nails raked across my back, pulling a low groan from my throat. For a second, I thought it might work. For a second, I thought maybe I could lose myself completely.

But when she whispered my name, the illusion shattered. It wasn’t her voice I wanted to hear. It wasn’t her I wanted to touch.

I bit down hard on the inside of my cheek, grounding myself in the sting. Selene didn’t notice. She kept going, and I let her, because I didn’t know how to stop.

By the time it was over, my body was drained, but my mind was anything but. As Selene curled into me, her breath steady and content, I stared at the ceiling, feeling hollow.

I’d wanted to forget, but all I’d done was remind myself of what I’d lost. Of what I’d ruined.

#jjk x black reader #sukuna x black reader #sukuna angst #sukuna x female reader #sukuna smut #jjk x reader #sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna #black tumblr #black reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #sherewrytes #jjk sukuna #sukuna

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to-rise-above-monsters · 6 months ago

Text

dear bertholdt.

Summary: Reiner left his overcoat in preparation for a meeting and asked Annie to get it from his room. Begrudgingly, she agreed. Though she immediately regrets it when a box of letters falls from the top shelf. Maybe regret isn’t all there is. She found something more.

CW: angst, canon compliant (so major characters death,, Bertholdt is dead<3), rba centric, can be read as romantic or platonic reibert but reibert nonetheless

Takes place post-timeskip (the second one, post-war), a few years into settling into ambassador life.

Apologies for any ooc, I don’t think I’ve ever written a fic in Annie’s perspective/focus,, I also haven’t written on her before and also haven’t written and posted in general for forever

(This was meant to be a comic and is so clear in my mind but I don’t have the time nor talent to execute it 😔)

Happy Birthday Bertholdt can’t believe ur dead ♥️

Reiner told her to get his coat. What that asshole didn’t tell her was how ridiculously high his coat hangers were. It shouldn’t have loomed over her the way it did. It was almost taunting, mocking her with its impossible height. They had probably raised Reiner’s closet bar for his big, hulking self and possibly lowered hers as some sort of unspoken courtesy. Annie sighed deeply, already regretting being here. Sure, tell the short girl to get your big ass coat from your tall ass closet. Embarrassingly, she jumped; she jumped a few times. If a glare could kill, there'd be holes burnt into the pockets.

Fuck off.

The stupid coat was simply out of reach. She could usually manage by grabbing the shoulder and lifting it from there but even then she couldn’t manage. She kicked the closet door in frustration, hard enough to make it rattle, and looked around for reinforcements. Somewhere nearby had to be a stool or something, anything, to make this easier.

She found a tall chair and dragged it over with a bit more force than necessary. The legs scraped against the floor and that sound annoyed her even more.

Finally, she lined it up, climbed up with a huff, and snatched the coat off the hanger in one triumphant, final fuck you. But as she jumped off the chair with her prize, she heard something else fall. A clatter, a shuffle, the distinct sound of things spilling. She grumbled and turned around.

If I have to do one more thing, I’m killing someone.

She cringed when her eyes fell onto the mess. Her jumping and kicking and overall exasperation now had a bunch of shit spilled on the floor from the top shelf of the tall closet. An old box, the size and look of a shoe box, had lost its lid and scattered papers everywhere. She at first started to snatch them up without discretion, just trying to stuff them back in. But a name caught her eyes.

Bertholdt.

Her fingers froze. She didn’t want to snoop. She would have killed anyone who went through her stuff like this. She tried to cast out the memory of seeing the name. She quickly tried to collect them all and put the box, along with this moment, far back into the closet. But there it was again, unmistakable.

Bertholdt.

Something came over her. An overwhelming wave, pulling her under before she could even name it. It felt so sudden, so heavy, all-consuming. She held the pages in her hands, her grip tightening unconsciously.

The small, trembling pool she had collected seemed insignificant against the sheer ocean of papers spilled out before her. They spread across the floor like a map of emotions she wasn’t sure she wanted to navigate. And each one… each one bore the same familiar name.

Dear Bertholdt,

Her chest tightened, an ache spreading in places she thought she’d long since numbed. With a breath, she carefully placed them in the box one by one. It blurred past her, the same line repeated over and over. Her eyes couldn’t help but snag on the same arrangement of letters, the same handwriting. There were a hundred, maybe even more, all addressed… and dated. She paused.

They had an order.

Written at the top of each of them was a date. Everything was spilled all over the floor and each one was supposed to be neatly tucked away in order. She bit the insides of her cheeks.

Forgive me.

Dates flashed by. She tried to put them in order without reading any of its contents. It felt impossible, especially when there were letters that seemed to be multiple pages long. She tried to group them to the best of her abilities, organizing them by date and putting them in piles face down when she found the correct order. But words blurred past, recognizable phrases, handwriting that got shakier, years and years and years, consistent dating on every one.

“I miss you.” “I’m sorry.” “If I could go back…” “I wish you were here.” “I can’t forgive myself.” “You deserved better.”

Her breath hitched, the edges of the pages almost cutting into her fingers as she clutched them tighter. She tried to swallow the lump forming in her throat, but it only grew heavier with every second she spent kneeling there, surrounded by years of unspoken… emotions; emotions she never knew she had.

When did I start crying?

A tear fell from her cheek and nearly hit the precious paper. An aching feeling had creeped into her body. Emotions she never really thought were there seemed to spill. She couldn’t name it. It felt like a sudden burn in her nose, the need to swallow a bitter taste, eyes blurring. She was drowning.

30.12.854

The letter she held was dated shakily at the top. She’d seen that same date come up again and again. For a moment, she tried to remember if maybe New Years or any holiday around that time meant something to them; as warriors, they didn’t really celebrate holidays, let alone religion.

She took a breath and put it in the 854 pile. She looked at the stack. 854. That would have been… that would have been the year of the rumbling. It would have been the year everything changed.

And he never got to see it.

She looked at all of the piles she’d now made, how each represented a year. She tried to push any judgements or perceptions away from her mind. But some years piled higher than others. Three piles in particular. She gathered the final loose letters.

Her mind drifted to her time in the crystal. The silence had been maddening, a suffocating void she couldn’t escape. She had been awake in that void, terrifyingly, agonizingly awake. The only light that had ever pierced through the endless dark had been Armin’s voice, Hitch’s chatter. Their persistence had saved her, kept her tethered to something beyond the emptiness. But it always puzzled her why they did it in the first place.

I know.

She placed the final letter. The paper felt different; crinkled and messy, rough and smeared. 30.12.850; old, the oldest one. She finally gathered all of them, stacking them neatly away in the box. She stared at the box in front of her, now neatly packed, the letters arranged in quiet, solemn order. The shoebox felt heavier than it had any right to be. There was only paper within it. Something else weighed it down.

I know.

She exited the room quietly, holding the coat tenderly in her hands. She gave it to him when they met in town without a single complaint. She never spoke about what she had found to Reiner or anyone else for that matter.

Their now shared secret lay in a small box that once held shoes for a warrior.

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scrubbinn · 5 months ago

Text

Mimic HRT: month ??? “Fulfillment”

“Alright, see you later, Grace.”

Floating in the void, Mayday waved as another headmate floated away into the ether. She had made a habit of communicating with her others during her time here. It was surprising how many there were here, how long she had been suppressing them. But here, with no one else to talk to… it was nice. Pleasant even.

“You like her, don’t you?”

Laborer rested next to Mayday, the first one of them to reach out, Often getting into fights with her, but always trying to steer her onto a better path. Laborer didn’t really fit them anymore. More like a navigator.

“N-no! I mean… She’s cool, I guess… Shut up you nerd!”

Definitely like a sibling.

“So. What now?” They asked. “You've met all of us. At least, everyone that I know is here. You still want to stay here?”

Mayday thought for a moment. The image of a doorway back home came to mind. There probably was one somewhere, but it'd been so long since she stuffed herself in here. What was the outside world even like? Did anyone look for her? Did anyone ca-

“You're spiraling.”

Her mind halted as she processed the words. It still wanted to continue her thoughts, but there was something about the words coming from them that made her reconsider. They carried the tone of “of course I know what you're going through.” She decided that maybe she could just rest a bit first.

“Does it ever get easier?” She asked, already knowing the answer.

“No.” They spoke with a cheerful tone despite the topic. “Maybe for some, but not us, that's why we're here. To help ease the burden. But I know staying here, just because it's what you're used to, isn't helping. You know that too, don't you?”

“It's where I should be. I'll be a burden to everyone else if I leave. And you won't be there with me.”

“We will though.”

Mayday could feel the presence of her headmates grow closer. Her attention turned to the warmth of those around her. The friends and family that had always been there. Now finally visible to her. Despite such physical impossibilities of the void, it felt like a big hug from so many people. She found it hard to imagine this many people actually wanted her. She wanted to cry, but she had no tear ducts to show her joys and sorrows. Maybe she wasn't meant to stay in the void alone. Maybe she would come back here, but it wasn't nearing anytime soon.

“Maybe sounds like Mayday, that's probably why I'm so wishy-washy.”

A voice next to Mayday starts laughing. “Where the hell did that come from? That's the lamest attempt at sounding clever.”

Mayday laughs too. “I felt like being a bit silly.”

This was a new feeling for her. Completion? No. It was just happiness. Not the kind you have by playing games or going shopping, but the kind you're aware of, the kind you can hold onto and bring it close to your chest. The blanket of joy that lets someone sleep well at night. It was like sitting In a sunbeam.

“What if I end up doing something bad and hurting someone?”

The navigator spoke “You won't.”

“But what if I do something stupid, or I mess up, or I get worse and I end back here?

“You won't.” They chuckle at the reassurance.

“But how can you be sure!? I'm a monster, I might decide to abandon all of you.”

“You won't, and we won't leave you, we've been here. We've always been here. I don't know why we're here, or how long we'll stay, but we won't abandon you.”

“But, but… You could handle things so much better than me.”

“Mayday. This stopped being my story so long ago. It's yours. You're doing amazing.”

When Mayday opened her eyes, she was sitting in her room at THEMS, right in the middle of a sunbeam. She was back in Hyper city. At first she was terrified. Where were the others. Would she never be able to talk to them? But faintly, she heard the words in her mind. She calmed herself, breathing slowly. She checked her phone. Three months had passed since her trip. This was going to take some explaining to everyone.

Mimic HRT: Month 27 “The End”

“That's quite the story.” Dr.Gates spoke softly as the mimic in front of him had finished recounting her tales.

She had been appointed a therapist by Erian and Alexis after her runaway vacation. She didn't mind. It was probably about time, and all her previous doctors sucked.

He spoke again in a soft tone. “So, do you feel better recounting everything?”

“Yeah,” she spoke, matching his tone automatically. “It's helped us come to terms with what we are. Sort of.”

“Do you still have those nightmares?”

“...Yeah… I, don't think they're ever going to go away, but they don't panic us like they used to. Still the same dream: halfway through eating my friend's bodies, and any wounds start shapeshifting back into healthy flesh, then suddenly Miller, or Erian, or Abi crawls out of one of the bodies. I wake up eating my bed frame. At least they're over quick.”

Dr.Gates writes something down before speaking. “Abi appearing alongside Miller and Erian is new. Did something happen between the two of you?”

Mayday bites off a part of the couch she sat on. Dr.Gates didn't seem to mind.

“We broke up a while ago. Mutual. And we're still friends. Besties, even. But, between our transition, and explaining our plurality. She said she stopped recognizing us after a while. I guess I get it… Let's talk about something else, please.”

“Of course. Is there something else you wish to speak on?”

She sat and thought for a while, she didn't actually think of something else. Her confusion and frustration became apparent.

Dr.Gates interjected into her thought process. “How is your work with Erian going?”

Mayday perks up. “It's going great! I mean, we're still looking for new clients, but besides that, we're looking into new ways to support therians with detailed timelines of what their treatment will look like, and actual documents with guides, procedures, and resources for those starting their journeys. There's a lot. I, er, we want to create the tools we never had for everyone that comes after us.”

“That's quite a noble task, I look forward to hearing your progress on it.”

He quickly checked his watch after a small beep came from it.

“Our time is almost up, one last thing before you go though. I want to ask for your progress on what we've talked about last time, with how you see yourself.”

Mayday couldn't help but let out a sigh. That's what most of her journey was, slowly accepting what she was, all of the struggles that came with it.

“I think…” She spoke softly. “I think it's really easy to blame yourself when things go wrong for being who you are. Although some of my problems were my fault. But… maybe that's what therapy is. Learning to not blame everything on yourself. It sounds like basic kid's morals, when I put it like that. I think we just lose sight of it easily… I'm a mimic. What that says about me, how I act, how I see myself, how I see the other parts of me, it doesn't matter anymore. I like being a mimic. Faults and all.”

The polar bear smiles. “A very nice thought, Mayday. I think that will end today's session. I'll see you next week.”

Mayday smiles back. “See you around.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Start - Prev

Thank you to @ashen-vulture for letting us use the character of Dr.Gates

So yeah, This is the final chapter of Mimic HRT. It was originally going to be posted on Friday, but after hearing about Dragon HRT, we decided to wait until now. What does this mean for this blog? Well, you might have noticed it took about a month between the previous chapter and now. We've been busy. With friends, work, studying, and learning to draw and code in RenPy, we've been busy.

So here's the new project! We're going to start working on an Animal HRT visual novel. Obviously this projects will take a while, but we will still be writing smaller stories for this blog in the meantime.

Hope all of you enjoyed Mimic HRT. Thank you for all sticking with this series. Love yall lots, and see you for the next project.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mention list: @a-shramp, @calliecwrites, @be702, @respectfulevil, @hyacinthdoll1315

@aster-is-confused, @bloodandbrandywyne, @glitchgloop, @nyxthewary, @lunadook

@celestemysterios, @i-am-trans-gwender, @reliablegal, @bookmothic-dyke, @fluffytransfemkittykatwitch

#animal hrt #therian hrt #otherkin hrt #transgender #trans #otherkin #therian #mimic girl #mimic hrt #creative writing #original writing #fiction writing #cw: depression

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lovegalor333 · 8 months ago

Text

fresh start

part three (chapter 7-9) previous part • next part

word count: 7.1k

content warnings: panic attack mentions of selfh*rm and depression

Lily

"What time does your shift start?" Madison asked me as we sat together eating breakfast in our apartment.

Kelsey and Hannah both had classes today so had already left but Madison and I had Wednesdays free.

"Not until 11." I glance at my phone, it was currently 9:45AM. "But I'm going to get there a little bit earlier because I don't actually know what I'm doing."

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be fun!" My roommate reassures. "Are you nervous?"

"Kinda, I don't want to mess anything up and I just hope everyone likes me." I say honestly.

"Hey, who couldn't like Lily? You're a ball of sunshine!" Madison compliments, "Don't stress it, they know it's your first day, I'm sure they'll be easy on you."

"I hope so." I huff finishing off my cereal before taking my bowl to the kitchen to clean it.

I had almost completed my first full week at UConn and I counted my blessings that it had been going well. I had made friends, enjoyed my first taste of classes and found a job. All things that worried me when it came to transferring. I'd also unintentionally met Paige and I don't know what the future holds with that but it feels nice right now.

We hadn't seen each other since our 'date' a few days ago but we started an almost constant message thread on Instagram. Paige sent the first message yesterday morning and it's basically been nonstop, back and forth from us both.

As if she knew I was thinking about her, my phone pinged with a notification,

[lily.kent] paigebueckers

just spoke to janet, you will be with us today

try not to stare pretty girl, you'll distract me

I smiled at the confirmation that I would be working with Paige and her teammates today, it put my mind at ease considering I'd met most of them already and of course I'd get to see Paige.

I cliked on the dm she had just sent and replied,

i cant make any promises

It was 10AM and my phone pinged again with my daily medication reminder. I went to my bedroom and swallowed down the pills that were singlehandedly keeping me alive. Without them, my brain just doesn't know how to function, it goes into full self destruct mode and getting out of that is the hardest thing of all.

I definitely still have some days that are hard despite being on medication but they're easier to deal with and come around less often.

I had decided a second coffee of the day was a good idea and I had just enough time to pick it up from, what's quickly becoming my usual spot, before my shift started.

The late August air was still warm so I had opted for a low waisted pair of jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt that stopped just before my bellybutton so the perfect amount of skin was showing.

I picked up my favourite order of an iced caramel latte with almond milk and took a slow walk to the athletics building, taking in my surroundings. More and more students had returned to campus over the weekend and beginning of this week so it was busy.

It reminded me of my old college and for a moment I was back there, in Massachusetts with no friends and just having been outed and anxiety hit me like a truck I almost toppled over.

I navigated myself to the nearest bench and sat down in an attempt to regulate my strained breathing. I remembered what my therapist had told me about panic attacks and how to handle them. I focused on my senses.

What was one thing I could taste? Coffee.

What was one thing I could hear? My heart pounding.

What was one thing I could feel? My phone clutched tight in my hand.

What was one thing I could smell? The perfume I had sprayed earlier.

What was one thing I could see? My eyes were closed in an attempt to block out everything around me but I opened them and one thing I could see was someone walking towards me.

My vision was slightly blurred as it always is when I have a panic attack but as they got closer it was clear it was Kayla.

"Lily, are you OK?" She asks dropping her bag down and kneeling in front of me.

"Yeah." I manage but it comes out unconvincing and shaky.

"Did something happen?" I can't even get myself verbalise anything this time so I just shake my head. Kayla quickly realises that I'm in so state to talk so she sits beside me and gently rubs my back until I eventually calm down.

"I have panic attacks sometimes." I tell the girl next to me, finally able to talk without feeling like my lungs were going to explode.

"How do you feel now?" She asks, a look of concern on her face.

"I'm OK now, a little shaky. They come out of nowhere most of the time." I explain, taking a sip of my coffee - which probably isn't helping.

"I can tell Janet you need to push back your start day, she'd understand."

I shake my head sternly, "No way. I'm not giving up before I have even started." I say standing up, my legs still slightly weak.

"It wouldn't be giving up Lily. Everyone has struggles." Kayla tries to empathise but I've already started walking to the athletics building again.

"I'm seriously fine, I've struggled with a lot worse than a panic attack." I blurt before realising Kayla knows nothing about my past.

"Ok, well maybe lets just take five before going in? You've still got fifteen minutes." She says looking at her watch.

"Ok." I give in and Kayla and I stand side by side as I take a few deep breaths.

"You got this and I got you." Kayla says after a few minutes of silence as she wraps me into a hug.

I hug her back, "Thank you, K. Sorry for the freak out, I can usually keep it under control."

"No need to apologise, I'm glad you weren't alone. Panic attacks can be scary." She says as we walk into the building and begin our way to the offices, a route I'm familiar with now.

"Do you mind not telling anyone?" I ask sheepishly.

I'd rather be the one to tell Paige about things, I didn't want her to hear it secondhand from anyone else.

Kayla mimes zipping her lips and I smile at her in response just before we step into Janets office.

"Hello Lily! Happy first day!" Janet beams standing up to greet me.

"Hi Janet, thank you. I'm super excited." I beam back putting on my best fake smile as I push back the remnants of the panic attack I just had.

Janet explains what my day will look like, "So the basketball girls are already on the court but open practice officially starts at 11:30. That's when you'll go in with the rest of the media outlets. You'll be working alongside Marcus who writes the sports column in the UConn newsletter. He'll explain your job more but write down as much as you can, take photos and videos and just be yourself!" She smiles and hands me a folder with the Huskies logo on the front with my name printed beneath it.

I open the folder and find a notebook, multiple pens and a mini microphone, the kind that plugs into your phone that you see tiktokers using in their videos.

"Oh there you are. Marcus, meet Lily. Lily, meet Marcus." Janet says and I spin around to the door that Marcus had just walked through.

"Hi Lily." Marcus says stretching out his hand for me to shake and I do. "Hi Marcus."

I wasn't expecting Marcus to be a fellow student but he was, he didn't look much older than me and had dark brown hair and eyes to match. He was handsome for sure, I'm lesbian but I could appreciate a mans beauty.

Marcus and I quickly acquainted as he told me exactly what we'd be doing today. It wasn't much different from what Janet had explained and before I knew it, we were walking down to the basketball court.

Paige

The ball had just left my hand and I knew it was cash, from my spot on the three-point line, when the doors to the court opened. My eye's flicked to the large digital clock on the wall, it was 11:30, media were here.

I watched intently as familiar faces filtered into the room and then one familiar face in particular brought a smile to my face, Lily.

Her effortless beauty always seemed to catch me off guard. Still being new to each other, I was seeing Lily in a new way each time. Today was the first time I'd seen her with her hair tied up, her perfect facial features on full display. She had a simple outfit on but the sliver of stomach on show between her jeans and shirt did something to me. I wanted to run across the court and hold her in my arms, feel her skin on mine, tell her how pretty she looked. Her smile shone from meters away and I could just about make out her sweet laugh over all the commotion going on.

I was so focused on Lily, I didn't notice the aggravatingly good looking guy stood beside her, until his hand came into contact with her arm.

Who was he and why was he touching her?

I watched intently as he pointed over to the stands where some of the media people had already began setting up. In all fairness, it looked like he was just explaining something to her but either way, he didn't need to make physical contact.

"You got some competition, P?" Jana joke nudging my side, obviously seeing the same thing as me.

I scoff, "That kids got nothing on me." I say and bounce the ball again few times before shooting another perfect three.

I glance back in Lilys direction to find her already looking in mine a small smile on her face, she raises her eyebrows and nods slightly as if to say "not bad", I give a quick bow in response and go to retrieve the ball.

We shoot around a little more before we all disperse to the different media outlets waiting to ask us questions.

My eyes fall to Lily more than I'd like to admit and I had to ask for a few questions to be repeated due to my lack of concentration. Lily never reciprocated any of my stolen looks because she was so engrossed in her job; jotting down notes, recording interviews and laughing along with the girls.

After what felt like an eternity, I was finally stood with Lily and Mr Shaggy Hair.

"Hi Paige, Marcus with UConn newsletter and this is-" Marcus introduced himself and tried introducing Lily.

"I know Lily." I say making eye contact with the brunette girl to the right of me.

"Hi Paige." She says softly, phone in hand already pointed in my direction.

"Paige, this was your first summer without injury, what did you do that you haven't been able to in previous years?" Marcus asks, pen poised to take an necessary notes.

I answered all of Marcus' questions before I had to move on, "Thank you, Paige. Nice speaking to you." He smiled genuinely. "Thank you, you too." I smiled back trying my best to also be genuine but probably failing.

I intentionally brushed my body against Lilys as I passed her, using my hands to manoeuvre around her small frame.

We wrapped media and hour or so later and the team and I were free to go but I lingered, shooting random shots while Lily and Marcus had a discussion before they packed up their things.

Marcus left but not before hugging Lily goodbye, I rolled my eyes watching the interaction before making my way over to her.

"My favourite journalist." I say draping my arm over her shoulder and pulling her close.

She laughed, "I wouldn't say journalist, I'm just helping out."

"Ok, my favourite helper-outer then." I tease and we both watch as the final few people exit the court, leaving us alone.

Lilys arm swiftly navigates itself around my waist and she steps in front of me, her other arm looping around my torso also so she was hugging me. Both my arms wrapped around her shoulders and we just held each other for a few seconds.

"So...Marcus?" I drag out looking down at the girl in my arms. I feel her body shake with a little giggle, "Handsome guy, right?" She says pulling away and looking up at me. A scowl forms on my face, "Not really." I say matter of factly crossing my arms.

"Oh, is this jealous Paige?" She asks jutting out her hip and placing her hand on the other. I turn away from her, "No..."

"Oh, I think it is." She says walking around and standing in front of me, extremely close, our toes are touching and her body heat is radiating onto me. She brings her hand to my face and directs me to look at her, "I am one hundred percent gay, Paige." Lily reassures her eyes looking directly into mine.

When we first met, Lily would never hold eye contact with me, as much as I tried but now she was and I could see every single fleck in her eyes. The light brown points making them sparkle under the bright lights.

"And I am one hundred percent regretting agreeing to keep this a secret." I say truthfully now bringing my hand to her face, stroking her cheek gently.

"But just us knowing is so..hot." She says soft and breathy. "The secret glances and touches." She continues, her hand smoothing down my chest to my stomach.

Her eyes linger on my lips and I run my tongue along them.

"Don't do that."

"What?" I ask innocently but a smirk creeps onto my face.

"Don't lick your lips while we're this close."

"Why not?"

She doesn't answer and we stand in silence, tension rising between us as the seconds go on. I move my free hand to her waist and pull her closer, if that was even possible and my hand on her face moves to her neck. I lean down and Lily leans up and after what feels like decades of waiting our lips reach each others and we kiss.

It's needy but delicate and everything and more that I'd imagined it to be. Getting a taste of Lily made me realise I'll never get enough. Her hands are all over me. My stomach, my back, my hips. She kisses me harder with an urgency I never knew I needed.

When we finally pull away from each other, both our chests are rising and falling at a quickened pace. Lilys lips are blushed and plump and they break into a soft, swollen smile.

"Let's get out of here," She says grabbing my hand, "and hope no one was watching the cameras." I'm still speechless as I follow her out of the basketball court, our hands linked together.

I drive me and Lily around Storrs for the best part of a few hours. Lily has her phone connected to my car and is playing her favourite songs.

Her playlists were filled with Lana Del Rey and I think it suited her perfectly. Lily was the embodiment of a Lana Del Rey song, the softness and vulnerability of Lanas vocals complemented the girl next to me without fault.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Lily

I'd barely left the confines of my bedroom in the past two days. I only got up from my bed to pee and grab bottles of water which were now scattered around my room, empty.

Kelsey, Hannah and Madison had periodically been coming in to check on me and bring me whatever food they had ordered in or cooked that day. I'm guessing at some point during all of this, Kelsey had somewhat explained to our other roommates what she had discovered about me, because no one asked questions and that's how I liked it.

I didn't have the mental capacity to explain the way I was feeling or why I was feeling it when I couldn't even understand it myself.

After having the panic attack on Wednesday, everything inside of me felt...off. After throwing myself into my first day at work, I spent the afternoon with Paige and it gave my mind respite from itself. But once I was home and alone with my thoughts, they took over and refused to be tamed.

I went through Thursday in an altered state, so distracted by everything in my head, I felt like I was watching myself from a third persons perspective. The day didn't seem real.

One thing that was clear though was my time spent with Paige. She met me after my final class of the day and we just sat and spoke and enjoyed each others company. Things felt lighter with Paige, easier to handle but I was not Paiges responsibility and I was not about to become a burden to her either.

Kissing Paige on Thursday night was bittersweet because I knew I wouldn't be seeing for a few days at least. I could feel myself slipping into a deep depressive episode and along with that came a whole lot of self isolation.

I isolate myself when I get like this to save the people around me. I'm a ticking time bomb when my thoughts darken and I wanted to minimise the casualties. I was the only casualty allowed.

I cried when Paige dropped me home. I cried for me and this inevitable dark cloud that appears whenever it feels like it. I cried for her because she had no idea what was going on. I cried for us because things were going well and I was about to ruin it.

I skipped classes on Friday and slept most of Saturday. Sleeping when I feel like this is the only time I have that allows the feeling to pause.

It was Sunday now and my roommates had invited me to go to brunch with them, of course I declined. I think they knew deep down what my answer was going to be but they asked anyway.

Kelsey hugged me tight before they left, telling me to call her if I needed to, I just hummed in response and watched the girls with sympathetic smiles on their faces leave.

Getting up from my place in bed, I caught sight of myself in the mirror. My hair was bundled in a bun on top of my head, undoubtedly tangled to hell. I had an oversized t-shirt on that I had previously cut to be off-the-shoulder. I looked a mess but I didn't have the energy or care enough to do anything about it.

The healed marks on my arm teased me to feel that of so familiar, temporary relief of physical pain. It was a mental battle that I had won up until today.

Paige

I knocked on Kaylas apartment door after hours, days actually, of deliberation.

"Oh hey, Paige." Kayla says smiling, opening her door for me to step in.

"Hi Kayla." I gave her a small smile in return that makes it obvious that somethings wrong. I've never been good at hidding my feelings.

"What's wrong?" She asks, perching on the edge of her couch.

I sit down too, unsure how to approach the subject without making overly obvious that something was going on between me and Lily.

"Have you spoken to Lily at all?" I ask, not really caring what Kayla thought, worry taking precedent.

She shakes her head, "No, I haven't. Not since Wednesday." She tells me. "Why?"

"I just haven't heard from her in a few days. I've tried messaging but had nothing in response." I explain.

It looks as though something clicks in Kaylas head when I say this but she doesn't speak up.

"What?" I push for her to say what she's thinking.

"Something happened on Wednesday. I promised Lily I wouldn't say anything though."

"What happened Kayla?" I ask, my heart rate increasing at the thought of something bad happening to Lily.

"I really can't say Paige. She asked me not to."

Ouch.

"She asked you not to tell me?"

"Not you specifically, anyone." Kayla says.

"I'm worried." I admit.

"Have you been to her apartment?"

I nod, "I walked past today and yesterday. I rang the buzzer but there was no answer."

"I could try calling her." Kayla suggests pulling out her phone.

"Please." I urge and watch as she presses call on Lilys contact.

The phone rings and rings and eventually goes to voicemail.

"I'm going to her apartment and if I have to break in, I will." Is all I say before leaving Kaylas apartment.

My mind reels with scenarios that could have happened to make Lily go completely MIA as I make the short trip to her building.

As I pull up, someone is leaving the apartment block and I jog from my car to catch the entrance door before it closes and I have no way of getting in.

I take the stairs two at a time to reach Lilys floor and I knock on the door.

Nothing.

I knock again, louder this time.

Still nothing.

Clearly her roommates were not home because they would have answered.

I knock again.

"Lily," I call out her name desperate for a response, "It's Paige."

I wait a while before knocking for the fourth time when I hear the latch of the door click and it slowly creaks open revealing Lily. She looks different, tired, like exhausted and...sad.

"Oh my god, Lily." I exclaim basically forcing myself through the door. "Are you OK?" I ask, my arms instinctively wrapping around her.

"What are you doing here?" Her voice is quiet and shaky and it takes me aback, she usually sounds so upbeat and cheerful.

"Where have you been? I've been trying to reach you for days. I went to Kaylas, she said something happened on Wednesday. What happened on Wednesday?" My words are rushed and messy.

"She had no right to tell you that. I asked her not to." Lily says, now out of my arms, she crosses hers over herself.

"I was worried. What happened Lils? Talk to me."

She just looks at me with heavy eyes and takes staggered steps towards the couch before sitting down.

"Is it me? Have I done something?"

"It's not yo-"

"Just tell me if I have. I'll fix it. I really like you Lily." I cut her off before she can finish her sentence.

"Paige." She says getting my attention, "It's not you. Please will you sit down."

"Was it Marcus? I'll kill him if he's done anything to you." I say now thinking of the worst possible things.

"Paige!" Lily says louder this time, "Just sit down." She flings out her arm that was across her chest motioning for me to sit next to her and as she does I notice array of white lines. Healed scars bestrewn across her wrist and inner arm.

She looks from me to her extended arm and quickly pulls it back to her chest before getting up and walking, fast to her room.

I follow after her in silence, unsure what to say in the moment.

When I reach her bedroom, shes pulling a sweater on over her baggy t-shirt.

"Lily.." I begin but I don't really know what to say next.

"You don't have to say anything Paige." She says, sensing my hesitation.

"I want to say something. I just don't know how." I tell her truthfully.

"Just say what you're thinking."

"What happened?"

"When - on Wednesday or what happened to cause my scars?" She asks sitting on her bed, crossing her legs.

"Both." I breathe out going and sitting next to her.

Lily inhales deeply, "I'll tell you, but I want you to know that's its OK if you want to leave after. I'll understand."

"I have nowhere to be today."

"No. I mean like really leave. Leave this," She motioned between us. "before it becomes something."

"Lily, why would I want to leave?" I ask genuinely. Theres nothing that she could say to me right now that would make me want to walk away.

"Because Paige, I'm a burden and being around me when I'm like this quickly becomes exhausting." She says, her head bowed down looking into her lap.

"Don't say that!" My voice comes out louder than I wanted and Lily looks up at me taken aback. "Sorry," I mummble. "but please don't say that. Being around you is not exhausting, I've never felt more alive than when I'm with you, Lily." I shuffle my body over to her, closing the gap between us on her bed.

We're side by side with our backs against the headboard, my legs extended in front of me and Lily's crossed in front of her. I place my hand delicately on her thigh to let her know I'm here whenever she's ready talk.

It takes her a while and we sit comfortably in silence, my hand on her leg and eventually her head on my shoulder, before she speaks.

Lily tells me everything. From her depression diagnosis at thirteen to her somewhat recent breakup and being outted and how that ultimately resulted in her attempting to take her own life. She explained the scars on her arm were self inflicted and she said it was hard to explain but she would rather feel something physically than mentally so thats why she did it.

As much as it was hard for her to explain, it was equally hard for me to understand. I didn't want to think of Lily hurt and understand it.

She had a panic attack on Wednesday that started this most recent episode. She said they come every so often without warning, she's on medication that helps her get through most days but she still has moments that she can't control.

I stayed mostly silent while Lily bravely shared such a vulnerable part of her. She cried at points and I wiped her tears but I didn't ask any questions, I just wanted to listen.

"Do you think I'm crazy." She sniffles, lifting her head from my shoulder to look at me.

I shake me head, "No baby. I don't think you're crazy. I think you've been through a lot in your life. A lot of shit that you didn't deserve. But what matters is, you're here. You're here trying, despite it all and I'm proud of you." I tell the doe eyed girl infront of me.

I place a hand on each of her cheeks and hold her face, wiping strays tears as they fall. I plant a kiss to her forehead, then one on the tip of her nose and I hover my lips over hers unsure if now is the time but Lily's the one to close the space, pressing her mouth to mine.

I kiss her gently at first as if scared to break her but Lily pushes deeper into the kiss, harder. Without breaking us apart, she manoeuvres herself on top of me, straddling my thighs. My hands find her hips like they were made for them and I hold on to her desperately as we continue to kiss.

"I don't want this to change the way you see me." Lily says breathlessly as we break away from each other.

"I knew you before I knew this and that's the Lily I see. The one who buys coffee for her friends when they're hungover, the one who smiles at everyone, the one who works hard. That's the Lily I know." I say to her as she stays sat in my lap, my hands caressing their way up her back.

"If it gets too much...if I get too much, I'll understand." Lily says playing with the strings of my hoodie.

"Can you stop saying stuff like that?" I take her hands in mine, "I want to be here. With you. Right now. Do you understand that? I'm choosing to be here Lily."

She nods a small nod letting me know she heard what I was saying.

Lily flips her leg off of me so shes back at my side. I shuffle down the bed slightly and pull her into me, my arm around her shoulders and head on my chest.

"One thing Lily," I say and she hums in response. "if you ever, ever get the urge to hurt yourself again, please come to me first. You're not alone anymore, I promise you."

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

Lily

This week was going considerably better than last week, thank god.

Paige had spent most of Sunday laid next to me in my bed, even when my roommates returned from their brunch plans, she didn't move. I was falling in and out of sleep for the majority of the day, my emotions had exhausted me and with my head on Paiges chest and my body encapsulated by her arms, I felt a sense of peace that I hadn't for a long time.

Paige reluctantly left my apartment that night after making me promise to never isolate myself from her again. She made it abundantly clear that I can always be open and honest with her and she'd never judge me. I made the promise, but I knew it would be hard to keep.

Wednesday had rolled around again and I had a completely free day. No classes, no homework and I wasn't due in work at all this week. From speaking to Marcus, it sounded like things got busier once the sports season really starts, which isn't until next week.

"Delivery for Miss Kent." Madison says in faux accent knocking on my bedroom door, coffee in hand.

"Ugh, I love you!" I say standing up from my place in bed and taking the iced drink from my roommate. I took a sip straight away and immediately felt like I could take on the day.

"What are your plans for today?" I ask Madison as we walk together from my room to the living room, each taking a seat on the couch.

"I have to get in the library today, how am I already behind? Actually, more importantly, who sets assignments on the first week?" She dramatically asks, eyes wide.

"Oh that's rough. My professors went easy on us." I say silently thanking the college gods.

"So what are your plans for today then?"

"I'm not really sure, I might take a walk around campus and maybe meet Kelsey when she breaks for lunch." I tell Madison my unofficial plans.

I wasn't sure what I'd spend my day doing but I knew I needed to do something, giving my mind downtime was dangerous. I didn't need to sit and think about everything, ever.

"Not seeing Paige?" Madison asks curiously and my head shoots in her direction but I try and play off my surprise.

"Um, no, why would I see Paige?" I lie.

I would love to see Paige today. I hadn't seen her properly since Sunday. I saw her on Monday when I'd popped into the office to meet with Marcus and we'd sneakily made out in an empty bathroom. And we'd briefly bumped into each other yesterday but she was with KK and I was with Kelsey so we kept it short. Maybe I'll message her and see if she's free.

"Oh I don't know, she only spent the whole day here on Sunday. In your room...with the door closed."

My cheeks flushed at the insinuation Madison was hinting at even though nothing like that happened between us. The most Paige I did was was kiss and OK, maybe I was in her lap and maybe I did get flustered and maybe I hadn't been able to stop thinking about her hands on my bare skin and her mouth on mine...

I'm texting Paige.

"We're just friends." I say matter-of-factly, standing up to go and find my phone.

"Uh huh," Madison pretended to agree, "sure you are."

Paige had finally asked for my number after days of using Instagram DMs as our only form of contact.

She had tried to save her contact as Buckets with a serious of drooling emojis but I overruled and we decided on Paige with a star emoji.

good morning p <3

good morning pretty girl

what are u doing today?

wanna hang?

miss me?

duh

ive got practice now but meet me after?

at like 11

i miss you too

ok see u soon 💋

I decided to take my time getting myself ready before meeting Paige. I took a hot shower and washed my hair using all my favourite products.

My phone was propped up on my vanity as i straightened my hair, Emma, my best friend from home, took up the entire screen as we were on FaceTime.

I caught Emma up on my first week at UConn, my account was explicit, there was nothing I couldn't say to my best friend. She begged for pictures of Paige but I didn't have any to send, "I'll take one today." I tell her as I begin applying my makeup.

I keep it natural with a skin tint, brow gel, mascara and of course lip liner, my one true love.

I bid farewell to Emma before hanging up, telling her I miss her dearly and she agrees that she has to come and visit me soon.

With my phone still in my hand, I decided to snap a picture and send it to Paige letting her know I'm ready.

I didn't expect one of Paiges usual quick responses considering she was at practice so I did the final touches to get myself ready before leaving.

Madison had called out a goodbye while I was on FaceTime so I left the empty apartment, locking the door behind me.

The walk to the training facilities wasn't far and took me less than fifteen minutes to reach. Even though I wasn't working today, I had my Staff ID badge around my neck to make it looked like I belonged there.

Walking into the building, I assumed I had arrived just after training had finished. The usual squeak of basketball shoes and balls was nowhere to be found. I made my way to the court peeking through the glass in the door seeing who was around.

My eyes landed on a lonely Paige, dribbling the ball before taking a shot. I couldn't see the basket but could only assume that UConns star girl had made it effortlessly.

I swung the door open and walked in, immediately grabbing Paiges attention. Her previous, serious expression softened as she looked at me, smiling now. We both took rushed steps across the court towards each other until we were face to face.

"Hello, pretty girl." Paige complemented wrapping me in a rather sweaty hug, I fake grimaced, "You're gross." I say trying to wriggle free but Paige is not only taller than me but stronger than me too, I was trapped. "You love my hugs." She protested still not letting me go, "Admit you love my hugs."

I did love Paiges hugs. They were so warm and comforting and I felt like nothing or no one could hurt me while I was bundled up in Paiges arms.

My lack of reply only makes the blonde girl hold me tighter, lifting me slightly off the ground, I let out a squeal, "Paige! Put me down!"

"Admit you love my sweaty hugs." She brings her mouth close to my ear to say that and the hairs rise on the back of my neck at the heat of her breath.

"I love your sweaty hugs." I admit in defeat as she lowers me down, my feet touching the floor once again.

"Thank you." She chirps pressing a quick kiss to my forehead.

"Where is everyone?" I ask looking around the empty room.

"In the locker room cleaning up." She nods her head over to a set of doors which I'm guessing leads to the locker rooms.

"Didn't feel like showering today?" I joke.

"Wanted to shoot around a little more, practice wasn't the best." She explains picking up the ball from where it had rolled to once she dropped it to hug me.

"I doubt that, Buckets." I smirk at Paige as she proves me right by sinking the cleanest three. She smirks back, "You want a go?"

I shake me head immediately, "No. No way." I say backing away from the basketball player.

She laughs and it echos around the court, "Come here, I'll help you." She insists beckoning me over.

"No Paige, I'll be terrible, I know I will." I remain adamant.

"You haven't even tried, have some faith in yourself. Now come here." The second half of her sentence is sterner than the first and the assertion of dominance catches me off guard.

"Yes ma'am." I mummble and walk back to Paige with slightly red cheeks.

"OK, stand here." Paige positions me on the free throw line, using her foot to push mine apart and using her hands to bend my arms in the way she wants. "Here." She hands the ball to me and I take if from her and she immediately giggles.

"What?" I huff, I knew I'd be terrible at this.

"You're so delicate with it." She smiles repositioning my hands on the ball, "Spread your fingers out more." I do as she says and she takes a step back as if admiring her work.

"OK, now shoot." She instructs and I do and it's terrible.

I throw the ball with all my strength and it flies out of my hands and smacks the backboard, missing the basket completely, before rebounding off and almost taking me out in the process. It acted more like a boomerang than a basketball.

Paige was quick to intercept the ball hurling towards me and caught it with one hand before tucking it under her arm.

She was trying her best to hold in a laugh as I just scowled at her and began to walk off.

"Hey, hey, hey." She called grabbing my arm before I could pass her, "That was a...good first attempt." She says leading me back to the same free throw line I'd just embarrassed myself on.

"Good? That's the exaggeration of the century!"

"One more go, I'll help." She hands me the ball again and I reluctantly take it, remembering to spread my fingers like last time.

Instead of standing back and watching, Paige steps behind me this time, her frame enveloping mine. We're so close I can feel her front pressed against my back, her hands cover mine over the ball and I wonder what we look like from an outside perspective.

Paige draws the ball back, my body moving in accordance with hers, before launching it forward and I watch in awe as the ball spins in the air before falling through the basket in a faultless swish.

"There you go baby!" Paige praises, her arms coming together around me, "That would've got you 1 point!" She says unwrapping herself from me, raising her hand for a high five.

I smack my hand to hers, even though that was entirely Paige, I was taking it as my bucket.

"And how many have you got?" I ask referring to points.

"Maybe like five thousand, career wide." She brags but I like it, Paiges confidence in her abilities is one of the most attractive things about her.

"I'm catching up." I tease picking up the ball once more and taking an unserious shot at the basket and to my surprise, I watch as it circles the rim before slipping through.

I snap my head towards Paige in shock, my mouth hung open, her expression mirroring mine.

"Sinking threes? OK Kent!" A familiar voice called out, it was Aubrey coming out of the locker room, a few of the girls following behind her.

"I try." I boast playfully, knowing it was a total fluke.

"Are y'all coming to grab lunch with us?" Ice called out, also emerging from the locker room.

I looked to Paige for her to answer, the girls were Paiges friends and I didn't want to ever feel like I was impending on their hang outs or make it too obvious that we had something going on.

"We actually have plans." Paige says and I raise my brows, did we?

"Cool! Catch you later." The team waved us goodbye as they all filtered off and out of the basketball court.

"What's these plans that we have then?" I ask Pagie once we're alone again.

"Oh, you know. Our usual."

Paige and I hadn't spent much time together in the few weeks we'd been acquainted and any time we were alone, the majority of it was spent with my mouth on hers and vice versa so I didn't know what our usual was.

I look quizzically at Paige, "Which is?"

"Well it requires a lot less distance between us," Say says returning the ball to its rack and walking over to me, "and hardly any talking." She finishes as she reaches me and dips her head slightly to kiss my lips.

I'm smiling as she pulls away, "Sounds like great plans."

"Give me ten minutes to shower and we can go back mine, seeing as the girls are out we'll have the place to ourselves." She tells me before jogging into the locker room.

˖ ᡣ𐭩 ⊹ ࣪ ౨ৎ˚₊✧˚ · .

#paige bueckers #uconn wbb #wcbb #wlw #lgbtq #fanfic #paige bueckers fanfiction #lovegalor333 #fresh start

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she-whatshername · 7 months ago

Note

Heyy love! I am not so sure if I asked you this before (I think I did), could you make a scenario on Bodhi coming into the kitchen and finding us baking/cooking something he really loves. Thank you if you do. ❤️

Hello!! Thank you for your patience as I pulled this together. Life has been lifeing these past few weeks and finding time to write an actual fic vs my usual headcannons has been tough. But here we are. I added a little twist to the request, I hope that's alright. Also, IDK why, but I wanted to bring some angst into this fic. Enjoy. Also also not edited because, it me lolol

Bodhi hadn't realized he had eaten so much today, but realizations like this usually tend to happen when you find yourself spewing your guts into the drain of the quadrant showers, fully clothed and soaking wet. Gods, he would never look at breakfast food the same way ever again.

He would never look at you the same way ever again. That is, if you'd even want to look his way again.

Aside from the bile, feelings of shame and guilt stirred into his stomach.

He walked out on you. After you had done what would be the kindest gesture anyone has done for Bodhi, second to the silver scar with his invisible signature carved onto his cousins back. Fuck, he really messed up.

After taking a few more deep breaths, and a few more heaves of what he assumed was last nights dinner, Bodhi turned off the running water, returned to his room to peel off his clothes and climb into bed. Everything but sleep seemed to find him in the late hours of the night.

The next day he decided to skip breakfast and head to the sparring mats, hoping to clear his mind if not by his own abilities or someone punching some sense into him. Luck came in the form of Garrick, who happily took him up on the offer.

A few sessions later Bodhi was standing with his hands on his muscle of his hips, catching his breath, only to lose it as you entered the gym. He couldn't help but stare, and the moment your eyes both connected he felt that same twist in his stomach despite how empty it was.

You had managed to give him a glare that expressed both your anger and hurt; a marvel of your beauty, one that always made Bodhi awestruck. But, your stare and quick retreat back to the hall caught Garricks attention, "What was that?"

"Nothing." Bodhi shrugged him off.

But, Garrick was both observant, and persistent, and a pain in the ass when the two combine, "Not nothing. She was silently screaming at you to fuck off and hug her with her eyes. What's the deal? I thought you two were good."

Bodhi decided to just cave in, because he knew Garrick wasn't going to let up. He's like a dog on a bone when it comes to gossip and the fact that Bodhi looked up to him like a brother didn't make it any easier, "I uh...we." Bodhi found himself stumbling over his words, "She invited me to her room, she had a surprise for me."

"Oh did she now."

Bodhi grimaced, "Not like that, cut it out."

"So what was it?"

Bodhi couldn't help but look at the floor, "You remember those tea cakes we had growing up back home? The ones with the-"

"The best icing ever? Perfectly baked? Hells yes I remember them." Garrick eyes were growing wider by the second, "We used to get in so much shit trying to take extra ones from the staff at Riorson House. I had to shovel so much horeshit that one summer when Xaden and I stole a whole plate. Why the fuck are you bringing up tea cakes?"

"She made them." Bodhi answered simply, "I dont know how she did it but she found the recipe and...she made them. Just like the ones back home."

"Fuck."

"It gets worse." Bodhi added sourly, "You know she's good at drawing right? She practically redrew the map in our land navigation exercise because she's got this fantastic memory. Well, she also..." Fuck was he going to vomit again, "She drew me a landscape of Aretia. The mountains and valleys. She got a scribe to get a copy of an old battle brief from the rebellion on a favor and copied it. She knew I was feeling homesick so she brought home to me, said we could eat together in front of her drawing...and pretend I was back home."

Garrick took a step backwards, eyes now wide in disbelief, "Well...fuck. So, wait why was she glaring at you this morning."

"I may have...." Bodhi mumbled out the rest.

"You what?"

"I may have...maybe....I walked out on her - wait Garrick what are you - ack!" Bodhi didn't have any time to react as his body was hoisted in the air and slammed down on the mat in an aggressive tackle. It only took a few seconds but Bodhi found himself with his arm twisted behind his back and face pressed into the leather mats, It was just like he was a teenager again, "Garrick! Let me go."

"You're telling me she made this nice ass gesture for you. Drawing you a picture of our fucking home," He gritted that part out in a harsh whisper, "And you walked out on her. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Bodhi couldn't help but bite out, "You're giving me lectures on how to talk to women? You're one to talk- Ow, Fuck!"

Bodhi found himself stuttering over his words, it didnt' help that he was feeling the blood drain from his arm under Garricks secure grasp "I don't know! I got...I got overwhelmed and-"

"Gods, I already have to deal with one lovestruck idiot, I can't take having to chase down another one. I'm going to get you excused from classes today because you're clearly sick in the fucking head. Get your shit together and go fucking apologize or I will take you up to the parapet and throw you off myself." He ended his threat with a final shove of his forearm, pushing Bodhi's face further into the mat

"Okay, Okay!" He whined before Garrick finally released him, muttering a few reprimanding words in Tyrrish before walking out of the gym. Bodhi rolled onto his back to stare at the ceiling. He had a lot of making up to do.

And he did. He spent most of the morning pacing around his room trying to think of a proper apology. Then, it was to the infantry quadrant to cash in on a favor himself and finally it was mid afternoon and he had enough courage to face you. So he waited outside your room for what felt like hours until you finally arrived, pausing at the end of the hall. As you attempted to turn away raced towards you, almost dropping to his knees to begin his apology, only for you to drag him into your room, "Its not safe for you to do that."

Gods, even when your pissed at him, you still have the clarity to recognize the politicalness of your relationship. You really are absolutely brilliant.

Over the course of the afternoon he fulfilled his objective of apologizing profusely, from being venerable in his own trauma of what happened in Aretia, and how meaningful your gift was that it created a sense of foreboding joy within him, and emotions he hadn't taken the time to process bubbled over, letting you down in the process.

You listened carefully, but even you had your limits of watching a man you love kneel before you with such shame on his face. You wrapped him into a hug, finding it healing for you both. And, as the merciful and and kind woman you are, you unwrapped the tea cakes from the cloth on your desk next to the painting, inviting him to sit down with you again to enjoy a meal a meal from his home.

"You're my home." He said to you, his hands never letting go of yours, "I will always be home whenever I am with you."

And he made a promise to you that day, when all was over with this war, when the truth of his rebellion eventually finds itself out, when the venin are vanquished beyond the barrens, he would sit with you under a tree in the hillsides of Aretia as husband and wife, your children playing in the not far off distance, safe and happy.

And as a man of his word, three years later, he did just that.

#fourth wing #the empyrean #bodhi durran #garrick tavis #tyrrish men headcanons you didn't ask for #Garrick being the older sibling I know he is to Bodhi #I do think Bodhi is like Xaden and would spontaneously combust at big signs of affection

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spitefulsatanfics · 2 months ago

Text

° In the Quiet Between Worlds °

Jack Kline x Reader

Pairing: Jack Kline x Reader (she/her)

Rating: T (light intimacy and thematic elements)

Word Count: 5,200+

Tones: Protector!Jack, emotional learning, fluffy romance, light intimacy, sweet and upbeat

Based On: Supernatural, Season 13 (Canon-compliant)

Written By: Little Devil

---

Aesthetic Quote Banner:

"Even in the quietest moments, Jack’s light always shone brighter."

---

Synopsis:

After years of fighting alongside the Winchesters, Y/N has become an integral part of their lives. As they navigate the supernatural world, Jack Kline—son of Lucifer—has become something more than just a powerful weapon. He's learning about humanity, the world, and his own potential. When the Winchesters get pulled away to investigate a lead, Y/N is left with Jack, and she is entrusted with the responsibility of looking after him. As she spends more time with him, an unexpected bond forms, one that deepens over shared moments of tenderness, learning, and connection.

---

Chapter One: The Quiet Before the Storm

Y/N had always known what it meant to be alone. The life she had chosen, marked by a constant battle against the supernatural, meant being in places where it was easier to trust no one. Until the Winchesters had come into her life, she had spent years battling demons, ghosts, and monsters on her own. But that was before Jack.

Sitting on the worn couch of the bunker, she glanced over at Jack, who sat on the opposite end, a slight frown furrowing his brow. He was trying, she could tell. Trying to learn what it meant to be human—what it meant to care. He was still a mystery to her, but there was something endearing in the way he hesitated, as if unsure of his place in the world.

“Jack,” Y/N started softly, watching his gaze shift towards her, “You don’t have to be so quiet, you know.”

He tilted his head, his eyes filled with the unspoken question, the kind only someone like Jack could have.

“I just... I don’t want to say the wrong thing,” he replied in a low voice, as though testing the air for danger.

A small smile tugged at Y/N’s lips as she closed the book she had been reading, setting it on the table between them. “You don’t have to worry about that with me. You’re still learning. You’re not going to get everything perfect, but that’s okay.”

Jack’s expression softened, his shoulders relaxing. He looked at her with a sense of trust, something rare for someone who had been born into such chaos.

The door opened with a creak as Sam and Dean Winchester entered, their faces grim.

“We’re heading out. Cas got a lead on something,” Sam said, tossing a duffel bag over his shoulder.

“Will you two be back soon?” Y/N asked, standing up as she adjusted her jacket.

Dean gave her a quick, reassuring smile. “Probably. Just keep an eye on Jack, yeah? We don’t want him running off into trouble again.”

Jack, hearing his name, shifted on the couch, looking slightly panicked. “I... I don’t want to cause any problems.”

Dean chuckled. “You’re not, kid. Just stick with Y/N. She’ll keep you out of trouble.”

Sam nodded, offering Y/N a glance that conveyed more than words ever could. “You’ve got this. We’ll be back soon.”

And with that, they left, leaving the two of them in the quiet that followed.

Y/N turned back to Jack, who was now staring at the floor, his fingers fidgeting with the hem of his sleeve.

“You know,” Y/N said, sitting down beside him again, “they trust you. And I trust you.”

He looked up at her, his eyes wide. “But what if I mess up?”

She reached out, placing a hand gently on his. “Everyone messes up, Jack. But that doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It means you learn, and that’s what you’re doing. You’re learning.”

He seemed to absorb the words, nodding slowly. “Learning... that sounds like something I can do.”

“Exactly,” she said softly.

---

Chapter Two: Research and Fluff

The next day, Y/N found herself in the bunker’s library, the dim light filtering through the windows as she poured over old books. Jack was beside her, flipping through a thick tome about supernatural creatures. His face was scrunched in concentration, his lips moving as if he were reading the text aloud in his head.

Y/N couldn't help but smile at the sight. There was something endearing about how earnest Jack was about everything. He didn’t do things half-heartedly.

“What are you reading?” she asked, leaning over to peer at the page.

Jack looked up at her with a glimmer of excitement in his eyes. “It’s a book about demons. I want to learn about them, just in case we come across one again.”

“That’s a good idea,” Y/N said, nodding. “The more you know, the better.”

She reached for another book on the shelf, but their fingers brushed against each other as she did. The simple touch sent a spark through her chest. She quickly pulled her hand back, but Jack had noticed.

“Did I... did I do something wrong?” he asked, his voice full of concern.

Y/N laughed softly, her cheeks flushing slightly. “No, Jack, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just wasn’t expecting to touch your hand, that’s all.”

Jack’s eyes widened. “Oh... Okay.”

She couldn’t help but feel a wave of affection for him. He was still learning the intricacies of human connection, but he was trying. And that made all the difference.

“So, what do you think? About this whole ‘family’ thing,” Y/N asked, changing the subject to something she knew Jack had been pondering for a while.

“I’m not sure,” he admitted. “I mean, I know they’re my family. But sometimes it feels... different. Like I don’t fit.”

“You fit,” she reassured him. “You’ve just got to keep being yourself. Don’t worry about fitting into anyone else’s mold.”

---

Chapter Three: Danger Strikes

It was late when Jack and Y/N were finishing up their research. The moonlight streaming through the windows cast a soft glow across the room, and Y/N was just about to close her book when her phone buzzed.

It was a call from Jack’s cell phone.

“Hello?” Y/N answered, frowning.

“Y/N!” Jack’s voice crackled on the other end, frantic and panicked. “It’s happening! He’s here!”

Her heart skipped a beat. “Jack, what’s going on? What’s happening?”

But before he could respond, the line cut off, and all she could hear was static.

Y/N’s breath hitched. She glanced at the front door, her mind racing. Jack was in danger. Without thinking, she grabbed her jacket and raced out the door, dialing Sam’s number.

“Sam, Jack’s in trouble. He called me, but the line cut off.”

“Where are you? We’re on our way,” Sam’s voice was tight with urgency.

---

Chapter Four: Facing the Spirit

The next few hours were a blur of adrenaline as Y/N and the Winchesters worked together to track down Jack and the spirit tormenting him. The tension in the air was palpable, but Jack never wavered. He was strong—stronger than Y/N had realized.

“I’m not afraid,” Jack said, his voice steady as he faced the spirit with them.

“Good,” Y/N said, stepping closer to him. “We’re all in this together.”

And as they took down the spirit, Jack was there, protecting them, learning, growing. The bond between him and Y/N deepened with every passing moment, and when the battle was over, there was only the soft hum of victory and the warmth of knowing they had made it through together.

---

Epilogue: A Simple Goodbye

The air was cool as they prepared to leave town. Jack turned to Y/N, his gaze soft and full of meaning.

“Thank you,” he said, his voice quiet but sincere.

Y/N smiled, her heart swelling. “You don’t have to thank me. You’re part of this family now. Always will be.”

And as she leaned in to give him a soft kiss on the cheek, a quiet promise was made between them—one that said they would always be there for each other, no matter what came next.

The End.

"It’s the quiet moments between the storms that matter most."

---

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