#(i've entered crazy person territory)

[cementcornfield]

https://x.com/oliviaraytv/status/1792351489773752635?s=46&t=4nsvGMTnbYsCN_2D0a2rJg

Joe and Ja’Marr worked out together 😭 I know it’s not that special but Joe did asked Ja’Marr when he was ready

Actually me and Joe threw one time in California. I actually took a trip to go take a chance to go see him and hang with him for a time. And that was our first time throwing after, I think that was his fourth session when he first started to throw. So I caught him early.

[sadlynotthevoid]

If I had a nickel for everytime I dreamed that Lily was kidnapped and Og!Cale ran looking out for her, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird it happened twice.

In the first one, Lily got kidnapped in the Capital and og!Cale instantly started running around, doing detective work but also really in panic. At some point he figured out who could have a hint on Lily's kidnapper, but the person in question was in the castle dungeons. So he went and straight entered in a room where Alberu was having a meeting with other nobles, not caring at all who was there, and asked him to sign a permission.

Og!Cale: *opens the door* Your Highness, sign this! *Slams form on the table*

Alberu, who wasn't expecting a random noble to crash his office: ...

The nobles: *shoked in victorian era* ...

Alberu: how did you got here?

Og!Cale: I flew through the third floor entry. It has my mom's name on it. More important, I'm in a hurry. So could you sign it already?

Alberu, confused as fuck because 'wdym by third floor entry? That's just a window': *reads the paper* permission to visit the dungeons? Why do—

Og!Cale, too worried to even keep his trash act and also practically a mind reader (not really): My sister was kidnapped and that guy may know where she could be. As I said, I'm in a hurry.

Alberu: That's terrible. *About to sign it* Is there any other way I can help?

Random noble: Excuse me?! Your Highness, this is not according to the protocol. I had to wait for months after my solicitude was sent to have this meeting. Why does he get a special treatment?!

Og!Cale, without paying an eye: Aren't you that Viscount that keeps wasting big sums on gifts for a mistress? *To Alberu* I guess he's asking money "for his territory". I bet he spent all his budget and is trying to hide it from his wife.

The noble: *pales* That— you— Your Highness, I can explain *faints*

Alberu: *sighs* I'll have someone investigate it. *Signs the form* Is there anything else I need to know?

Og!Cale, already exiting the room with the permission at hand: *tilts head* I've heard that people had been dissapearing in the Southwest region. *Narrows eyes* Huh. It's near the Gyerre territory now that I think about it.

Og!Cale: Anyways, goodbye. *Leaves*

Alberu, absentmindedly: So that's what father meant when he said redheads are "a crazy force of nature that could destroy a little country without force".

Antonio, who happened to be in the meeting: *silently having an existential crisis*

It turned out that the culprit was Og!Cale's past teacher (yes, that guy) who was working with traffickers. He wanted to see whether Og!Cale would resolve his "little game" or he would "lose" (have Lily sold before someone finds them). He also kinda hates her because "he lost his student by her fault" (no, it wasn't her fault. He's just crazy).

Og!Cale found out where Lily was being held and he, along with a pair of knights, went for her. All of them had a fun time beating the creepy bastard.

Then Og!Cale walked to their house carrying Lily on his arms.

In the second one, a monster-like creature broke into Lily's room, took her and flew away. Og!Cale was sitting on his bedroom's window and saw his little sister being taken away by a blurr of mass. He jumped out of the window to follow, of course. Then the knights saw a thing flying over their heads and the young master speedruning after it.

Og!Cale: Come back here!

Hillsman: Young master Cale?!

Og!Cale: What are you doing?! Stop that thing! It has Lily!

Knights: Ah! *Start chasing the thing too*

I don't know what happened next because I woke up.

[maxcuntstappen]

heyoheyo quick question i just started getting into f1. this race is the first i watched live while lurking on the tag here and is it always like this? the amount of hateful posts and anti this anti that stuff I've seen is crazy. i know it's sport and everythings competitive but im in other sport fandoms here and the atmosphere is much nicer when cheering for and respecting all athletes with the mutuals.

so yeah i guess i just wanna know if this is always the vibe before getting involved further. which would be sad cause the athletes and racing is very fun

hi anon <3 first of all, i'm so fucking sorry that this was ur first experience live blogging during a race. yest was a toxic whirlwind and i, despite having been part of f1blr for a bit, was quite downtrodden and mad about it.

i will say this. i personally believe it's not as bad as it was yesterday.

there are many reasons for this i think. to begin with, it was the first race of the season effect. everyone's been waiting n dying to see their fav on track and to have a good result and we also didn't really know how the teams would perform. so a lot of expectation -> a lot of disappointment -> mean things on tumblr.

people often find it easier to blame another driver than a whole ass team cause it's easier to direct the anger at a person than a concept which i think is what happened yesterday with multiple drivers.

it's not usually this bad.

but.

it is often quite bad. definitely worse than other fandoms.

i do think the racing makes up for it and that's why i've still stuck around.

ella and i were talking about it and the takes are definitely at its worse during the race and two hours after it.

once we pass that wave, things tend to calm down and we enter the funny text posts territory.

but if you do want to live post/scroll through it, i would stick to my own dash and avoid the main tags.

tumblr gives us the privilege of careful curation and i use that shit everyday. like i will check the bio and do a quick scroll thru each blog i follow.

i also have multiple tags (n blogs) blocked.

there are several people on f1blr who post amazing content and are so on top of updates. but they can be really mean in their phrasing. i don't follow them or block them cause i know that their content will reach my dash through my mutuals but their hot takes won't (especially the text posts where people rant in their tags, those tend to be the meanest).

despite all this, yesterday i spent a good amount of time unfollowing some mutuals. but as i said, i really do believe that f1blr was at its worst then.

there are definitely some blogs that are neutral/nice about the drivers/teams they don't support. these are some of my favourites;

@epylonia @cooali @liamlawsonlesbian @jussst-lurking

i know i have answered ur simple yes/no question with a WikiHow article but i really do hope that bits of it can be helpful to u and that if ur online n scrolling thru jeddah, u see more fun takes than hurtful ones

[featherstorm2004]

Passing on the blade, a Fukuzawa and Akutagawa theory

In the wake of the s5 finale and me rereading the manga I've been looking at the characters more closely than I did in the past, looking for interesting dynamics, similarities, or fascinating possibilities. During this time I have begun to notice the odd similarities in both Fukuzawa and Akutagawa's stories, and after the ending of the decay of anger arc I can't help but feel they're about to intersect.

But first let me explain the similarities I have noticed in these two story arcs. One of the first things I noticed about these two is that Fukuzawa seems to be an Akutagawa who has already gone through his character arc and joined the side of the light, this is because of what we know of Fukuzawa's backstory before he met Ranpoe. He describes it as him not knowing whether he was killing for the sake of his country or for the sake of his own bloodlust, it's clear that despite himself Fukuzawa found some joy or pleasure in killing if for nothing else than to prove his skills and who dose that sound like?

Akutagawa

Of course their reasons for being down such a path are vastly different but the end results are still the same. However, the president was able to realise this and pull himself away from that dark path, and were beginning to see that same transition happen in Akutagawa due to his deal with atsushi. I believe by the s5 finale we've seen Akutagawa enter that grey transition period that we find the president in before he met Ranpoe, where he's not really sure what he wants for himself but he dose know that he doesn't want to be what he was before.

This stage of development I have deemed the "Lone samurai arc" where the characters take time away from their typical organisations or paths to contemplate themselves and the futures they want.

But of course aside form those narrative links we also have one of their strongest narrative connections at this point in this story and that is their respective connections to Fukuchi.

It's clear by the end of this arc that Fukuchi has had a profound impact on both Fukuzawa and Akutagawa's development. He was the one who kickstarted Akutagawa's rebirth by taking his life and forcing him to come to terms with many truths he had been running from on the form of sacrificing himself for Atsushi. Whereas Fukuzawa is left distraught and angry by the end of this arc being incapable of killing his best friend and being forced to go along with Fukuchi and Fyodor's plot, with Fukuchi sacrificing his life for the sake of Fukuzawa and the world.

I am very curious to see this mans future impact on both of their stories as Fukuchi appears to have been the whirlwind that knocked Akutagawa onto the right path whilst dislodging Fukuzawa from his.

There's also the fact that Fukuchi shows explicit interest in Akutagawa as a student, now whether this was genuine is up to debate but I believe it is. as I believe if the offer to train Akutagawa as his personal student is a fascinating choice for Fukuchi, it's very clear he didn't want to kill akutagawa to the point he took out Bram specifically to revive him. But the question is why? well I think it's because during their battle I think he saw a little bit of Fukuzawa in this crazy boy who challenged him and almost won.

After all the only reason Fukichi won that fight was because of the space time sword, otherwise he's have been screwed. And I can't help but wonder did Atsushi tell the others about this interest, will it get back to the president who just lost his beast friend but still has to boy he explicitly chose to spare and wished to teach.

I wonder if that will stir something in him.

This is the part where I enter theory territory but I think after this arc Fukuzawa is going to take a step back from being the president of the ada, at least for the moment. He's devastated at this point in time and probably feels responsible for all that has happened since the entirety of Fukuchi's plan hinged on him being pupated around and Fukuchi in the end got what he wanted, he succeeded. And the entirety of the ada, hell even the entire world had to suffer for that to happen so, he probably won't feel fit to lead the ada.

And this is where Akutagawa comes back into the picture, now he's just survived being killed, turned into a vampire and now the end of the world or whatever the heck happed during the two hours after Fukuchi's death. So, overall the guy has been run ragged and is probably going through a lot physiologically with having to cope with ALL of that.

Plus he's finally shed Dazai's coat and his mentor is on the other side of the world, he couldn't be further away from Dazai if he tried. And I can't help but feel that this is purposeful on Asagiri's part, without Dazai's constant influence for the first time Akutagawa has been given the space to think with a clear head and make his own choices.

And this is where I feel Akutagawa and Fukuzawa's plots will finally start to intertwine.

Now, I think we can all agree that Akutagawa's new outfit is fire but as it's been joked about it looks suspiciously like a knights armour and I can't help but wonder if there's as reason for that. We know from interviews with Asagiri that out of all the Characters in this story Akutagawa is the one who goes through the biggest change, and I can't help but wonder if one of these changes is taking Dazai off of his pedestal and excepting new influences, new mentors into his life.

And that might included Fukuzawa, devastated after his best friends death but also desperate to sooth the guilt he feels for all of Fukuchi's crimes. Maybe he'll feel a kinship with Akutagawa who is just as lost as he is and in desperate need of guidance after Fukuchi shatted his world by killing and reviving him. They might just be what they both need during this trying time.

Plus every knight need his sword and I can't help but feel it would be thematically approbate for Akutagawa to begin welding Fukuzawa's blade or hell even the space time sword as an alternative to Rashomon, a way for him to not solely rely on his ability. It can also represent Akutagawa taking back his power and agency by wearing the very weapons that tried to kill him as a power to protect other and himself.

It could also be seen as Fukuzawa passing on his legacy to the new generation of Double Black and finally allowing himself to rest.

But that's just a theory.

*Edit* apparently there's been Akutagawa and blade symbolism longer then I thought. (Quote from Dazai in the dark era)

[crescencestudio]

Devlog #34 | 08.27.23

Hi everyone!

Another month has flown by, and we are already entering the month of September soon! It's crazy it's already Fall......... Hope you all have been doing well <3

Since we're getting into the latter half of the year, I wanted to sit down and talk to you about the usual monthly progress as well as do a check in on where Alaris is sitting. This is a longer one, so without further ado, let's dive in, shall we?

Writing

We continue to move forward with writing. But it's extremely refreshing this month since I've Finally moved into Etza's route! Already, the route is feeling relatively different from the past three routes I've been writing---not necessarily because the past three routes are repetitive, but moreso because Etza's route (and the Fae ones moving forward) is very different regarding plot content. I can't say much more than that because then we start getting into spoiler territory. But it's been exciting since Etza, Kuna'a, and Aisa have always been the "final stage" of writing for Alaris to me.

I'm aiming to have Etza's first draft done by the end of next month. We'll check in next month to see my progress, but that's my goal at least! I also wrapped up the finishing touches for Druk's route this past month and moved his onto developmental editing, so we are just moving into New Stages all across the board yay!

Art

Most of my attention was actually on art this month though! Specifically, on finalizing Kickstarter merchandise so I can ship it out. I finished the updated Mermay prints as well as the character postcards.

they r beauty they r grace

I will have some extra prints that I'm happy to send off. Obviously, you will have to pay for them LOL. But if you're interested in any, I'll have an extremely limited stock. Patrons will get first dibs, so if you are interested but aren't subscribed to my Patreon, I'd recommend getting on that for this upcoming month since I will not be restocking the Mermay prints ever again!

We also continued to get backgrounds from Vui. These are spoiler territory, so I will not be showing them this month teehee. But they're beautiful per usual Vui fashion!

Check-In

Now that we're in the latter half of the year, I wanted to talk to you all about overall Alaris progress and some more specific parts of development.

As of right now, we have about 210k written for Alaris (including the demo). And the end estimate is about 350k. For art assets, we have 20 CGs out of an estimated 48 CGs finished and/or sketched out. For BGs, we are on background 18 out of 25. The GUI is for the most part finished, save for some small finishing touches. And we have 6 out of 8 original tracks completely done.

If it's not clear, Alaris will definitely be a 2024 release rather than an end of 2023 release, which may be disappointing news for those of you eager for Alaris. But realistically, even if I make absolutely cracked progress on the assets from now until the end of the year, I would still need time to polish the full game, especially considering how long it took me to polish intertwine for Otojam, which was significantly smaller. And that's excluding my team members, who I don't want to force into a crunching position. All that being said, I hope to get some playable content to you all before the end of the year, namely the updated demo and maybe Kayn's beta build!

I wanted to take a moment to mention one thing concerning the updated demo. As you all may know from past devlogs, I've updated many of the assets for the enhanced demo. Initially, I had wanted to release the updated demo quite a while back, but there was one set of assets that ended up getting held up in production. For full transparency, since I've talked about the updated demo for a while but haven't been able to show much more progress beyond that, I wanted to touch on (generally) why it's been held up, mainly because I don't want you all to think I'm just Not Delivering on it!

My GUI artist is the same person who made the Alaris logo (re.Alice). She's wonderfully talented, which is why I wanted to work with her for the Alaris GUI as well! As many may know, sometimes life happens and so without getting into any specifics, this is what has been holding up the enhanced demo since I haven't been able to update and code in the new GUI.

Based on recent updates from Alice, I'm hopeful that I'll be receiving the new GUI this upcoming month, and I'd love to release the updated demo (T e n t a t i v e l y) in October! Of course, when the September devlog comes around I'll be able to update you all more concretely. But I wanted to communicate where things currently (and have been) standing since I've been wanting you all to experience the updated demo so badly but didn't want you all to feel like I've been forgetting about it/dropping the ball on it/etc. etc. etc.

Thank you, as always for being so patient and supportive of me! As we head into this final half of the year (jesus), I hope the progress I've been making behind the scenes for Alaris will start to come to fruition through the enhanced demo and some playable beta builds of the individual routes <3

Market Research

I did ~some~ market research this month, but it's honestly been pretty sparse, mainly because my usual market research time was actually replaced by Jam Time this month.

Specifically, if you didn't get the chance to check them out, I helped with two games this month for a 10 day jam. I think they're both pretty top-notch if I'm allowed to humbly brag since the teams behind them were very talented!

The first is Oblivisci Memorias

After receiving a mysterious request, you create a potion meant to erase memories. But the process is a grueling one, and as you add ingredients to your potion, you may find yourself reminiscing on memories you thought you had long since suppressed.

And the second is Titan Arum

Alone, you find yourself catsitting in your family's new house as they traipse through Europe. But incidents slowly signal to you that something's... off about this house. What story exists behind its walls? And more importantly, are you brave enough to uncover it?

[powerful-niya]

2023 Reflection 𐙚🧸‹𝟹

🧸🥞🪐🩹🧋

— "Everything has changed and yet, I am more me than I've ever been."

-Ian Thomas

2023.

Upon reflecting on 2023, I would describe it as a year filled with challenges—a beautiful challenge, teeming with opportunities for growth, exploration, and surpassing my own expectations.

"Trust the Process" served as my guiding mantra throughout the year, urging me to persevere through the initial struggles of ideas, projects, and experiences, pushing forward with resilience….

until the very end.

Yes, 2023 was challenging.

Busy.

Stressful.

But it was also inspiring.

Uplifting.

Joyous.

✨Looking back, I'm genuinely amazed by all the multitude of accomplishments I've achieved in the year of 2023.✨

I've…

🧸 Successfully graduated from Community College

🧸 Embarked on a journey at a University

🧸 Enhanced my driving skills

🧸 Secured a job

🧸 Joined a college club

🧸 Formed connections with new people

🧸 Delved into learning Japanese

🧸 Embraced baking as a new hobby

🧸 Explored new foods

🧸Made tons of moodboards

🧸 Got a lot more active on Tumblr, Discord, AO3, Wattpad

🧸 Entered Two Writing Events: Fest No Jutsu 2023 & NaruHina Month 2023

🧸 Took part in a personal Q&A session for Nhmonth23.

🧸Received FanMail: Nhmonth23

🧸 Wrote… a lot.

🧸🥞🪐🩹🧋

This year, my approach to writing took a significant turn. I've actively pushed myself to step outside my comfort zone, delving into writing alternative universes (AUs) that I've never attempted before—exploring uncharted territories I never thought I would. It's been a transformative journey, challenging my creativity in new and crazy ways.

𐙚🧸‹𝟹 - This Year I have written 467,449 words: give or take. (Naruhina)

(Also) In all I have made 55 moodboards (Naruhina)

🧸🥞🪐🩹🧋

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨2023 mч wrítíng єndєαvσrs ୧⋆˚｡⋆

⋆˚｡⋆thє undєrlчíng єvíl

NaruHina

✨nαruhínα mσnth 2022✨

Prompt: Fairytale, Gifted & Cursed + Enemies to Lovers

Wattpad | AO3 | FF.Net.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨Published in May 2023 ୧⋆˚｡⋆

⋆˚｡⋆αuє rєvσír

NaruHina

✨nαruhínα mσnth 2022✨

Prompt: Angel & Demon + Lost & Found + To'oborni

Wattpad | AO3 | FF.Net.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨Published in July 2023 ୧⋆˚｡⋆

⋆˚｡⋆kíss mє, thríll mє - nαruhínα smut cσllєctíσn

NaruHina

Wattpad | AO3

⋆˚｡⋆Eighteen One-Shots Completed: May - Dec. (2023) ⋆˚｡⋆

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨Initally published in May 2023 ୧⋆˚｡⋆

⋆˚｡⋆thє tєll-tαlє hєαrt

NaruHina

✨Fest No Jutsu 2023✨

Wattpad | AO3 | FF.net.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨Published in October 2023 ୧⋆˚｡⋆

⋆˚｡⋆nαruhínα mσnth 2023

NaruHina

A part of the 'Kiss Me Thrill Me Smut Collection'

⋆˚｡⋆Five One-shots Completed: Dec 1 - Dec. 31 (2023).

Tumblr | Wattpad | AO3

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨Published in December 2023 ୧⋆˚｡⋆

⋆˚⋆୨Conclusion୧⋆˚｡⋆

In the grand scheme of things, 2023 has been an exhilarating and wonderfully chaotic journey that I'm sure I'll fondly remember. ✨

Far from being a tough year, it turned out to be quite remarkable for me. I achieved a bunch of things I never imagined, ventured into uncharted territories, wrote Ooeshots/fanfics I never thought would come to my head, and created a plethora of mood boards—a hobby I find truly enjoyable.

The only reason why I began to do this whole 'reflection post thingy.' is because I was inspired by many others here on Tumblr who were taking their time to reflect on the passing year and their accomplishments.

I decided to give it a try, and now, I think I will make this a personal tradition.

Each year, I'll document my successes, reminisce about what I've done and achieved, and immortalize it all in writing for my own reflection.

🧸🥞🪐🩹🧋

2023 was truly amazing, but I have a feeling 2024 might just top it.(this is me wishful thinking, haha).

I'm truly looking forward to all that lies ahead!

#Goodbye 2023

✨Happy New Years! ✨

- Powerful_Niya

[nisaconite]

pandoria world-building things that i've been going crazy thinking up lately:

ever since garnok's occupation of pandoria, the people have split into territories and constantly fight over limited resources. turf wars are extremely common. think, like, post-apocalyptic world, or dystopian. pandoria is a shell of what it used to be, which is why it's so deserted whenever we enter it. everyone's in hiding.

they have subspecies!! different habitats = different traits, and although pandorians at one point may have been one people, time has forced later generations to adapt to their respective surroundings. like, maybe a certain branch of pandorians decided to inhabit caves, so they have features that reflect that - bioluminescence, or eyes that dilate.

pandorians are natural predators. extremely resourceful, and generally good hunters. 'kill or be killed' kind of mentality. shark-like teeth, no fangs but all jagged of the same size.

melodic, echoing, otherworldly kind of language. different dialects, but probably one more commonly used for inter-species communication.

water-based designs, maybe? iridescent skin, scales + markings, gills. webbing? finned ears, gauze-like quality. hair is lightweight and floats as if underwater in pandoria, but on earth probably starts to lose its vibrance if not kept in a space pocket like ydris'. limp and odd quality when loose and not floating. crystals weaved through hair, the same way a human might make a flower crown.

also, on a similar branch of my post about anne's scars here, things native to pandoria can't survive on earth. ydris outright says this (at least, i think...) in the saving concorde quest. pandorian scars lose their glow and look like regular scars. crystals turn grey. people, plants, all manner of living things wilt and may eventually die or lose themselves.

of course, this is all just how i personally picture pandoria! i'd love to hear other people's ideas - i could always use a more vivid image for my fics. (and if anyone wants to borrow these for their writing, feel free to!!)

[felassan]

Some snippets from 'Streamily.com Presents: N7 Day! The Cast of Mass Effect' (the N7 Day 2022 ME cast reunion panel) -

--

Q. submitted by a fan: "If aliens visited earth and asked you to show them one thing you think is amazing or beautiful, what would you choose? This can be anything - a person, a place, a food, music etc"

A lively discussion ensued about what they'd show this alien, and at one point during this I'm pretty sure I heard JHale say "[...] art... and otters". 🦦

--

JHale: "I feel deeply honored to have been able to live in this character. And I will say out loud, 'cause everybody's wondering, we don't know what's next [for Mass Effect], like, both, I mean I don't, Mark can speak for himself, I have no idea, but yes, I would show up in a hot minute." Host: "We got lots of questions [on] if you'd show up in a hot minute and I'm glad to hear that you would, that's great." Mark Meer: "I agree, but only under any circumstances."

--

Q. submitted by a fan: "Would you rather reprise your role as a character you've already voiced or play an entirely new different character in future projects?" JHale: "I mean for this one, you know, Shepard for life." AWR: "Yeah." Ali Hillis: "Liara for life. True blue." Raphael Sbarge: "It's hard, we've all grown very attached." Ash Sroka: "I would like to do both Tali and a new character." Mark Meer: "Yeah, I was just thinking, why not both? [...] I'd want to return to Shepard, but, you know, Blasto, there's a lot of unexplored territory there." William Salyers: "I did play Mordin through his whole life, so it would take something pretty special to get me back, but you know, in that world, it could happen, so. I would just, you know, I'd be a coffee table, I just love the world."

--

Q. submitted by a fan for Ali: "How did you feel seeing Liara in the teaser trailer for the next Mass Effect? I know you're under every single NDA on the planet, don't break it, we just wanna know how you felt." Ali Hillis: "Well, I probably felt not dissimilar to how all of you out there felt. Surprised, thrilled, perplexed, confused. Yeah, a lot of questions entered my mind, for sure, and they still are there, all of those questions, so I'll guess we'll see where it goes from here, but I mean, yeah, all kinds of questions came into my mind of 'what could be' and 'what is that?' and 'how?' and 'why?' and 'really?' and 'probably not'. Not getting my hopes up in any way, so, you know, I'm probably where you are, trying not to get my hopes up and at the same time, 'hmm, that was interesting'. It was so mean to do that! Just cruel!" JHale: "It's the hope that kills you." Ali Hillis: "It's the hope that kills you." AWR: "Also, you should have seen the text chat that went on between Jen, Ali, me and Courtenay." Ali Hillis: "Oh, it was wild." AWR: "I was like, 'um, Ali, hi? Do you wanna tell us anything?'" Ali Hillis: "I don't know, I don't know!" AWR: "And it was like, 'I've just seen it myself!'" Ali Hillis: "I just saw it!" AWR: "And we were like, 'you're either a very good liar, or, a very good liar...'" Raphael Sbarge: "C'mon, spill, spill." Ali Hillis: "Oh I got online and I started going crazy, I'm sure everybody else did too out there, so, I was looking and looking, 'cause I was really hoping to find something, but I didn't find anything, I just watched that thing over and over, and I paused it, and I paused it again, and I screenshot it, and then I zoomed in... yeah, I got nothing." JHale: [...] "I just vote for the multiverse option, Mark and I get to both be there, like we're both together, I want scenes with Mark, y'know." Mark Meer: "The Shepard siblings, that's a very popular fanart [thing]."

---

Q.: "I already know the answer to this, but, this is for everyone, do you ever wanna get back in the saddle and come back for another game?" Everyone: "Yes, yes, yes!" Raphael Sbarge: "Yes, of course, are you crazy?"

---

[source]

[mieowkoid09]

Take my Ramblings on how I think relationships work between the Lustrous because 2/3 of my personality is made up of these gems' dynamics

So before I get into the main meat of what I think, I should probably talk about the families. first of all. I think that the families can have romantic relations between each other. Insert booing and rocks being thrown. Okay wait! let me explain myself before ya'll start abusing your rocks you heathens. basically, this is gonna get into territory that i'm not fully equipped to explain, so you know how the "Uchihas" from naruto are? they basically inbreed with eachother ya know but they still aren't fully related at all so they can have healthy kids but they still share the same dna, you could even say they share the same "structure"? yeah, thats basically how I think the gem family relationships are. they do share the same structure and name and call themselves family but they don't have to restrict themselves to JUST being siblings, they can be lovers too. they can call themselves "brothers" while being romantically involved. they aren't like us and they don't share the factor that we could produce unhealthy offspring if they are involved with their sibling, since they can't have children nor do they have blood!!(thankfully, since that would be insanely gorey) and I may be wrong but I don't think that the term for "Brother" in japan is only limited to siblings. fact check me if i am in fact wrong please.(Btw i'm not in the naruto fandom at all, I've just watched some theory videos and watched some video essays, also i watched a few episodes of naruto when I was younger)

Now, before I get myself hit with more rocks. time to talk about how I believe the gems' relationships are. mainly the romantic ones since tbr, romantic relations are some of the most complicated things ever and that's probably why we're so drawn to them (sorry romance nonfavorable/romance repulsed aromantics, you will be missed)

I personally think that romance in the lustrous world, is actually incredibly discouraged. these gems can still enter romantic relations but it is incredibly discouraged because, we have seen what happens when these gems lose that person that they love.

They go absolutely crazy. they even break themselves. and this is off topic but now that I think about it, Diamond and Bortz's relationship is like how trans people see other trans people who look more like what they want to look like, at least from what I've heard from some videos on youtube. and ngl, its kinda scary- anyways, back mostly on topic with Rutile. I've recently watched RGU(Revolutionary Girl Utena) and tbh, how Rutile treats Padparadscha kinda reminds of how Utena treats Anthy. Utena practically puts Anthy on a pedestal and wants to help Anthy end her job as the Rose Bride even though, Utena practically knows nothing about Anthy because Utena projects what she thinks is right onto Anthy, although it isn't entirely off, Utena doesn't even try to understand Anthy. JUST LIKE FREAKING RUTILE AND PADPARADSCHA- Rutile and Utena practically lose their identity when they lose Padparadscha and Anthy. just- UGH it's so good. Now time to stop talking about Rutile, and go to our very shiny friend and my Autoromantic/Panromantic/Polyamorous headcanon, being Diamond, since they were the one to bring up the fact that Cinnabar may have Romantic feelings for our beloved Phosphophyllite.

Dang both Ventricosus and Diamond ship CinnaPhos. they can't get a break lol. especially with most of the fandom practically shipping them lmaooo. And this is just a little headcanon but I think Diamond used that "Are you gay?" card on Cinnabar when Cinnabar was rambling about how much they "despise" Phos because that's practically what happens when these gems lose the ones they love. They probably start blaming the ones that got taken before they start blaming themselves because it practically starts becoming a pattern in Yellow's case. omg now I can imagine Yellow just talking about their romances with their former partners lol. and now that I think about it, Yellow did blame Zircon for being an idiot for trying to save Yellow, more toned down than Cinnabar's rant and how much of an idiot Phos was but still, that stings. and now this has become not just a little headcanon and more of a parallel it seems. wow, how we can change during writing.

ALSO DID ANYONE ELSE FEEL INCREDIBLY SAD WHEN THE GEMLUNARIAN THING THAT WAS KISSING DIAMOND IN THE PARTY AT THE END ARTBOOK WASN'T ACTUALLY NAMED!?

WE WANNA KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!

Also- possible romance between Aqua and Emerald???

Eh probably. anyways ima end this tangent even tho ima probably gonna get a lot of backlash from the people in this fandom for my controversial opinions but that's fine, hopefully. yeah no i'm probably gonna get murdered.

[major-wren]

God thank you for that last drawing is like you reached into my brain and pulled that out. I've been thinking these past few days and this enter the headcanon territories, about the shadow/maria soul(also emerl) ughhh i love the posibilities ¿how/what does it mean gerald put the soul of maria into these two? I know it probably wasn't that literally but </3 imagining gerald with help of some mystic force splitting her granddaughter soul, and since maria died shadow technically is the reincarnation of her? She lives through him/is the same essence/will always be part of each other. And i like gerald but you cannot convince me even if he had good intentions, that he didn't fucked over maria/shadow/emerl/the biolizard/sentinent experiments. The whole point of lab rats/experiments will always be go beyond to make a breakthrough no matter what, the biolizard questionable conditions of life is proof enough to me. So no i don't agree with people saying oh it was a totally happy life in the ark and a good/morally clean childhood for shadow uwu that makes what happened after more tragic, mhm we do not have certainty of that and glimpses of evidence point to things being more complex than that, lastly imo it feels like a disservice to maria/shadow/the biolizard etc characters stating that all was perfectly happy good before the tragedy happened, so sorry for this long ass essay my brainrot was too strong sorry anyways maria is shadow, shadow is maria my beloved.

Thank you sm!!

Yea even though it's not colored yet I really wanted it to be out there already cause I feel like I never see content exploring this interpretation of Shadow. Like I said in an earlier post, I believe the characters to be more symbolic than literal. I mean, yes, you can interpret them literally, they're definitely set up for that too and it'd also be correct, but I think there's deeper symbolic meanings standing behind the literal interpretation too. I think Maria is supposed to represent innocence and lost childhood, and so in my mind I always loosely interpreted Shadow and Maria as being one and the same- a part of himself that he lost, or a part of himself that was tarnished and forever changed but that he still has control over moving forward. Your "inner child" and all that.

And then in the literal interpretation of their story, they're still not quite pure simple siblings. Shadow was made for her, literally modeled after her- how could you not have identity issues over it? Or inner conflict from your partly artificial and self-conflicting personality? That inner struggle of being both a weapon and a cure, trying to accept such polar opposite halves of yourself, the consequences of your development literally being a game of tug-of-war. I feel like in interpretations like these, his inconsistent behavior throughout media can make a bit more sense. Also yeah, Gerald was crazy dude, and even if Gerald was a pure soul before grief corrupted him, there was still GUN fighting for control over Shadow the whole time.

[your-sweet-cookies]

Be honest with me, Kukki. Did you dream about me before? And if yes what kind of dreams were they?

Of course I will be honest with you, my dear! Why wouldn't I be? Didn't I promise you that I would never lie to you? Now, for the answer to your questions... I won't beat around the bush anymore and I'll tell you straightforward that yes, I did and do in fact dream about you, and quite a lot actually! After all, you are a constant in my life and a very important person to me, so it's not that hard to believe it.*she lets out a soft giggle* You know, dreams are a clear pathway into our subconsciousness, revealing our deepest desires and fears, so they can tell you quite a few things about someone.

There isn't only one kind of dream I've ever had with you. In fact, I think I had at least one from each category, so I'll tell you a little about each type.

First off, there are of course the sweet and innocent dreams. Snippets and sequences of various romantic and cute scenarios between us my heart probably yearns for, since I wish to get to live this kind of moments with you as much as I live and enjoy our friendly outings and conversations. Some examples of such dreams I had were of us going on cute dates like picnics, shopping sprees, walks in which we hold each other close together, cute movie nights, playing videogames as a couple and sharing hobbies together. Believe it or not, I even dreamt once about us two baking together, maybe because our first ever conversation that led to us getting to enter each other's life was on this topic. And sometimes I even have dreams of how our future might look like together. These warm my heart greatly!uwu

Then, there are the bad dreams, that have a sadder undertone reflecting my deepest fears I guess. In most of those I either lose you because you decide you've grown tired of me and simply leave me, or something bad happens to you and death steals you away from me. I'd rather not think too much about these because they make me feel very anxious and sad. I wish they'll never get to play out in reality!

And lastly, the category you were most likely the most interested in, the hot kind of dreams, wet dreams. Yes, I do have this kind of dreams too, believe it or not! I'll admit that those were something really new to me, but I don't dislike them. On the contrary, they are rather very... Alluring. My category of wet dreams might not be as wild and intense as those told by that one anon you used to really seemed to enjoy listening to, but they're still nice nonetheless ranging from us entangled in a hot passionate embrace as we give our all to one another; passionate make-out sessions under a blanket as we watch a movie only to lose ourselves to the wonderous actions of our curious hands wanting to discover more; to romantic cliché scenarios inspired maybe by the books I read sometimes and even the more "naughtier" types of dreams that go into kink territory. I guess my mind is trying to picture what all these unknown feelings and sensations it never got to know and only read about and saw in movies would be like... How your touch would feel like on my burning skin, how your kisses would be trailing down my body, how would you taste, how your burning passionate gaze melting me would feel like... Stuff like that. The only downside with these is that by the end, when I wake up, I'm all hot and yearn for you like crazy, but of course you're not there, so I have to take care of things myself and try to sooth my burning desire.

Hope this long answer matches what you were hoping for and that I didn't disappoint you, my dear Suguru. But now, you too owe me a very sincere answer to a question you left unanswered!

[cinearia]

snippet

"Beddor is a familiar name"

Dina turned to face her. She was used to hearing her family's last name often, but sounded strange when it came from a faerie. Despite being familiar with Dara, she is also a nymph. 

"Of course it is. But here it doesn't matter" she inquired, looking away at the landscape. "I mean, maybe if I bump into one of the Archeron sisters they'll recognize it" 

Must be acceptable for her to be nervous. It's in her family's veins. Being a Beddor reminded her of that, and House Beddor just didn't turn to political advancement with all the resources they had for one simple and traumatic reason; protect the edge lands of the mortal from creatures coming from the other side.

Dina was on the other side now. Way beyond what she thought was faerie territory. Her advantage was her friends, her training, and a crazy plan formed by crazy people (herself included). 

Looking at the faces of Dara, Oscar and even Guizo, everyone there knew that stealing from a High Lord would be like shouting from the rooftops to put a target on their foreheads. Dina couldn't see this as not being personal, since she knew there were specific names behind Clare's disappearance and that includes the High Lord of that land and Elain and Nesta sister. 

Being the humans of the group, Dina and Guizo depended on Dara and Oscar's knowledge of this land. But even they didn't seem to understand much beyond what Jurian had informed them. 

"I get the feeling we shouldn't even be here in the first place" Oscar, the only human other than her, didn't move from the rock he was sitting on. Half fae and half human, but a changeling, adopted into a noble mortal family. 

Guizo kicked a stone, surprisingly his hands were in the pockets. "Honestly, I take back everything bad that has ever been said about Spring Court. Why couldn't this High Lord hide his stuff in a flat place?"

"It could be worse. It could be Velaris"

"Is it a flat place?" Oscar hugged himself in the overcoat, his hand covering the pendant around his neck involuntarily.

"It's much harder to get into and relentlessly beautiful, or so they say" Dara explained, though maybe Oscar didn't care at all "Velaris has gone from being a hidden place to an impossible place. In Hewn City is not enough for us to enter, but to get out quietly" 

Oscar snorted. "Problem is how to keep two humans, a nymph and a half Urisk alive and well"

“That's the spirit, I'm so glad you understood, my good friend Oscar” Guizo clapped amiably on his arm, to which Oscar didn't react beyond a nobleman's eye roll.

"I've never been this high before either" Dara muttered. Her body shuddered as another gust of wind swirled through the mountains. Not the cold of the water or the cold of the storm, but a hard wind pounding against her body as if she's supposed to fall over a mountain. She wondered if there were nymphs in the Night Court in general. 

"I think that's awesome" Guizo jumped up "So, as long as we can get in, steal the parchment, and not get paid, it's going to be sooo awesome."

He walked to the edge, where he could see the entrance to the city.

“Does anyone else want to do something, or can Dara…”

"Don't say my last name"

Dina's voice managed to cut through the wind. 

“I know it's not customary for you to have one” Dina looked down at the Beddor crest with her sword. Every Beddor has at least one thing with the crest highlighted . The machete looked less lethal than Dina had always considered her to be, even if it takes more than that to kill a faerie.

But she could hurt -, a lot. 

“But don't mention my last name. Just in case"

Silent agreement prevailed between them, even Guizo seemed to calm down for a moment before continuing.

“Okay, since that’s all” he pointed down in the middle of the mountains “Let’s steal from a High Lord”

[fleet-admiral-hiba]

A CHARLOTTE'S STORY

Inside Katakuri's ship the doctors were working furiously to help the poor child. Knowing that they were born with a weak body made the task all the more difficult. Outside the room, Perospero and Katakuri were waiting patiently, while Brulee prepared something to eat and Smoothie made the room comfortable enough to let them sleep. Outside Oven and Daifuku were standing guard and talking-" How could this happen? Why them?"-They wondered, why should the Marines kidnap a child, had they lost their minds?. That was the doubt that spread all along the Family.

Meanwhile, at the Whole Château

The siblings were worried to say the least, the still hadn't heard something. They had all the same question, why. Some of them started to believe that there was an intruder or a mole somewhere along the maids, other just simply believed that the Marines had gone crazy, but unless Velvet answered the question they had to wait.

Outside, near the shore

Dina, ex maid, was talking with a man, far from prying eyes. -"How could you loose the child like that? Now we have to develop another strategy. Damn it" - " Dina-sama calm down. For what I've heard the Big Mom pirates attacked the ships not long after they left, we were still inside the territory. We should wait" - " yes, but it won't be easy now that we alerted the big dogs, we should procede with caution. I will have some of my best spies follow the child, now begone. I don't want to raise suspicion"-Nobody until now knew she was a traitor, but soon the table will turn for the worse.

Inside Velvet's room

Velvet was still sleeping, the doctor had done what they could, but they were in a critical condition and needed absolute rest. Brulee stood there, petting the child's hair to make them feel safe. After some minutes they woke up. Still a bit groggy from the sleep haze, and tried to look around. It was a different room so that meant they were in a familiar ship. Once spotted Brulee they said-" Nee-san, were are we?"- " This is Kata-ni chann ship, the others are outside. Do you want to see them?"-they nodded and added -" I-I need to t-talk to you about something..."- whispered. As Brulee went to find the other, Velvet stared to spiral. Bad thoughts started to form in their mind, it was all their fault if they had been kidnapped, it was their fault for being weak, the other children were right...

While they were lost in thoughts, the other entered and all hugged them. Shocked but pleased that al least somebody loved them- "How do you feel ? What happened?"- All these types of questions started to pop and quickly overwhelmed them. Suddenly Katakuri stopped them to let the child speak -" That night,when they .. they took me,there was somebody who was watching me..a girl. She looked familiar and...and she seemed to know the bad guys. Even when I asked for help, she waited before helping them to hurt me... I'm sorry..."- Tears pooled around their (e/c) and started gradually to fall, silence enveloped the room,the rage from before returning with a vengeance. As soon as they saw your tears, Brulee comes and hug you, murmuring sweet words to make you feel better, and silent oaths are made. The others still thought about who that person may be - " Puppy, do you remember how they looked like? "- Asked Katakuri,eyes cold and full of anger- " They were a bit taller than Flampe- nee, kind of regular people"- With that in mind the siblings thought about all the people that interacted daily with Velvet. Perospero called Mont d'or and asked him to look into the fact,meanwhile the others thought about a plan to keep them safe.

Time skip

Weeks later, Velvet was still recovering,but at least they were at home. Daily one or more of the siblings came to check so it was never alone, all the maids were replaced with a few trusted one always accompanied by some chess soldiers. Mama didn't want to risk something like this again.

-" dammit,the security around that brat tightened, we have to act fast and now. We don't have the time"- Dina, told her men. The plan simple: the only way to get to the kid was to replace the trustees with some professional spies, then the poisoned food will be served, the drug was something not lethal,it was a tranquilizer, the perfect one to immobilize people. Then off they go. They had used bird before and they always did the job,not only because fast and agile,but also because the land troop will cause some chaos to distract the others. The perfect plan. Now they only had to wait.

[qqueenofhades]

Hey, I loved your post about queerness in historical fiction. I was wondering if you could help me find a better way to explain (or know of someone who could) to the white (usually male) fans of Tolkien who are currently losing their minds because in the series for Amazon they have cast Sir Lenny Henry (a black man) as a hobbit. It feels like the exact same argument that was dealt with when Anya Chalotra was cast as Yennefer for The Witcher. It just seems like only white people are screaming that the entire cast must be white in both the case of the Witcher and Middle Earth in order to be "historically accurate to the Dark Ages" when it's all fantasy. I'm a white person and I don't get it. It's really frustrating that the only way to convince them that people of color should be allowed to play characters who aren't evil-doers is to bring up the existence of the potato in both Middle Earth and The Witcher. In this most recent fight, I've been called all kinds of names (one dude keeps saying I'm racist when I haven't brought up race or anything like that) and it's ridiculous because Henry was cast as a Harfoot who were hobbits with dark skin that they claim means Mediterranean not Black.

Ooof. I admire your initiative, I really do, but also: there comes a point where all good-faith efforts are totally futile, because these people don't actually WANT their beliefs challenged, and there won't be anything you can do about it except to exhaust yourself. You can throw all the material or documentary evidence at them that you want, but it won't work, because racism, white superiority, and the assumption of a monolithically white medieval history are a helluva drug. They are eager to split ridiculous hairs like "dark skin means Mediterranean instead of black" because, well, racism, whether or not they want to acknowledge that. Because Mediterranean is at least European, whereas for them, Black is Bad, Inferior, or otherwise Unacceptable. This doesn't even get into the types who want to claim that Ancient Rome (which was rather notably, y'know, Mediterranean and North African) was actually lily-white, because even dark-skinned Southern and Eastern Europeans can't ultimately make the racist cut.

Tolkien himself obviously had problems with his depiction of race and racialized people (witness the Haradrim, "men from the South," being the only people of colour in the story and generalized as an indiscriminate evil force fighting for Sauron against the white/Northern European heroes). That's not to say Tolkien was actively racist (see: the letter he wrote to the Nazi German would-be publishers of The Hobbit, inviting them cordially to get fucked), but it does mean that he was steeped in the usual assumptions and expectations of a white upper-class British man in the 1920s and 1930s, and not least the mindset that the (white) rulers of the (nonwhite) British Empire were superior, morally correct, and the privileged resisters of "evil" political systems. (This isn't even getting into how Germany was admired throughout the long 19th century for its perceived cultural and social superiority, the American eugenics movement directly influenced the Nazis, a lot of people thought that Hitler's only mistake was being too obviously crazy, and America and Britain only actively entered World War II when their territory/perceived global power was infringed upon.)

White people tend to assume that if they personally don't hold discriminatory attitudes (and they usually do, just because that's what society has taught them for almost all of modern history), they can't be racist, and it's a personal insult to call them that. They know that Racism Is Bad, but likewise, it's always someone else's fault, not theirs. See the huge brouhaha over the supposed plan to teach "critical race theory" in American public schools, which is really just acknowledging that centuries of racism and discrimination have created a system that disadvantages people of color at every level. This is absolute heresy for today's right wing (which has become ever more extreme, reactionary, and historically amnesiac) to admit. They can admit historical racism, sometimes, maybe, only in demonstrably "bad" people, but as far as they're concerned, there was no lingering effect whatsoever, and it's "un-American" (read: anti-white supremacist) to insist otherwise. Land of the free! Everyone treated the same! Etc. etc. The continued inferior or disadvantaged life outcomes of people of color is, according to these types, simply a result of them not being motivated/ambitious/smart enough to fix their own broken circumstances. Those centuries of genocide, cultural destruction, use as literal chattel slaves, etc, has nothing to do with it.

If this sounds ridiculous: well, obviously, it is. But as reactionary mindsets have become troublingly normalized and social media has allowed people to spread both passively and actively racist content to unprecedented degrees, it has also leaked into media. The type of white-man-fan you're arguing with won't accept any "historically accurate" argument for the inclusion of non-white people, even as they're staking their own (bad) arguments on that hill. This is because they want to claim the sole privilege to create a nostalgic/imagined/fantasy space that looks just like them. Their underlying belief is that people of color never had any power or consequential role in history, and shouldn't have, so they don't want to see a space, even an explicitly fantastic/non-historical setting (like LOTR, The Witcher, GOT, etc.), where this is the case. Whether or not they want to say it, or even if they're aware of it, they feel that even if they've been unhappily forced to accept a small lessening of their cultural power just because we no longer automatically accept that white men get to run everything, they at least can take comfort in a (white) past. And now, or so they think, the "politically correct" types also want to ruin their racist fantasy comfort zone. They can't even escape from multiculturalism in media, as it too has become steadily more diverse.

Basically: it's racism, Jan. It's many levels of racism, you can't argue those people out of it, and you have to identify and understand that, especially since their favorite diversionary tactic will be the schoolyard maneuver of going, "no, YOU'RE the racist!!!"

(Also: "historically accurate to the Dark Ages" should tell you everything you need to know. These people know absolutely nothing about history, but that won't prevent them from weaponising it in defense of the perceived threat to their cultural and racial domination. Besides, yet again, fantasy universes have no claim to historical accuracy, and if you say that, I assume you just want to feel justified in creating a fictional universe where the only powerful/consequential people are white heterosexual western European-coded men, because you not-so-secretly wish it was still that way in reality.)

[fallowfinality]

6, 18, 22

( 6. 3 things I love about my muse, under the cut because this got long.

hooh... I can filibuster, but I'll pick three.

I love his voice so much. I tend to infer too much from voices but here's what I hear:

Mozenrath is solid. In another life, under different circumstances, he'd be the guy you go to when you're dealing with something crazy that nobody else will hear you out on.

At the same time, he's so unapologetically himself, wherever that falls, that it really doesn't matter where it falls. I think he turns his back on the intensity that might otherwise overtake him, or else he really is from a softer world.

He is so incredibly 19 to me, from that voice. I know Jonathan Brandis was likely 18 at the time of recording most of his episodes, but the way he voices Mozenrath hits me in my little 19 year old heart for reasons I'm about to get into.

It's a weird age to portray: 19 year olds are legally adults, but they're not old enough to drink. At that time, you're still living with your parents, but you're just old enough to start feeling it. Being the type of person who always had trouble comprehending whether she was really as young as her years, Mozenrath's cadence and his moments of informality and his tantrums feel very... safe, I guess. Refreshing.

Secondly, the softer world. In my other fandoms, particularly WoW, there's a creeping shadow that eventually makes its way over everything. Every character, every place. Everything wears down under the weight of the shadow. I can get into this further in another post or clarify later, but needless to say things tend to enter triggering territory when I'm in another fandom too long.

But Mozenrath, and his world, are as of yet immune to this shadow. Maybe it's a Disney thing, but he's in an eternal summer. Even if he doesn't know it.

Third, and this is going to sound even crazier: Possession. When I get into a new character, sometimes I'll be 'possessed' by them.

Have you ever experienced mental pain trying to read something that isn't easy to process? Imagine that, but coupled with hyperfixation and the vague sense of feeling another person crawling into your head. That usually lasts about a week, and then you can call on his muse when you need him.

This is what helps me write fanfic about him, and what helps me hyperfixate long enough to get out those huge roleplay posts when they're needed. I'm glad he crawled into my head, though I sure hope he doesn't make a habit of it...

18. Something I wish I'd see more in the roleplay community.

Communication! I'll admit it's tough for me too. But too many things go unsaid OOC, and when too many things go unsaid, ghosting can happen.

22. Red roleplay flags.

Any elitism. Any at all. Style elitism, length elitism, hell, I've seen elitism in furry roleplay games over whose colors are more realistic. Whole time, both the wolves have emo hair.

I've also found that roleplaying shipping content (not just NSFW content, but any emotionally intensive / romantic content) with people a lot younger than you can set them up thinking they've got something with you OOC that they don't.

And by younger, I mean a 20 year old being bestest friends with the 13 year old they're doing angsty otp roleplay with (true story.) It's just not going to end well.

Otherwise... I don't know. One guy once used steamy RP (or the promise of it, he didn't get as far as a starter) to try to persuade me into actual OOC ~relations~ over Discord voice chat. That was bad. )

[kamosweasley]

I don't want to talk - Part II (George Weasley x Reader)

Description : To read the first part and third part.

Word count : 3.7K

Warning : mention of cheating, angst

It’s been two weeks since George kicked you out. These words may sound too violent for what happened but you really feel like he kicked you out of where you found a home. It's not so much about the apartment, it's above all living with him, being surrounded by his love every day. As cliché as it sounds, you've never felt better than in his arms, and knowing you may never be able to find your way there again makes you feel terrible.

A part of you tells yourself you deserve this punishment and a part tells yourself it’s ridiculous to lose everything (including the person who matters most to you) because you love two people. You mean, okay it’s not common to be in love with two people at the same time but you can't help it, and it hasn't changed your love for George. So losing him would destroy you, because you still love him like a fool and you don't know if you will ever be able to draw a line under the life you had imagined for the two of you. But there's still hope, George sent you an owl to tell you that he wanted to see you tonight after work. He asked you to arrive a little before the store closes so he wouldn't have to wait for you. The tone of the letter was far from warm or enthusiastic but it suits you, you didn't expect him to forgive you so quickly and you will have the opportunity to see him again and discuss all this with him. You're terrified but also full of hope, if he wants to talk to you that means he doesn't just want to leave you and forget everything, right ?

So here you are, in front of Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, the heart at the edge of the explosion. You were so scared to be late that you arrived an hour early, leaving you looking at the window with undisguised anxiety. You keep nipping your lower lip, your hands are sweaty and you keep fiddling with the ring that George gave you a few years ago. It was to celebrate your coming out of Hogwarts and getting your NEWT's at the same time. He was so happy to offer it to you, even though you had only been together for a little more than a year, he already wanted to offer you everything he could. He gave you so many products from his store, you almost got all the new products just a few days before they went on sale. It was important for him to share this with you and it made you happy he shares with you this passion he has made as his job. By the way, you must have forgotten it in the apartment, you didn't think to take them with you. You should have.

The door opens with the sound of a bell, suddenly taking you out of your thoughts and making you jump. It’s George, with a cold gaze and an annoyed look on his face.

-What are you doing here ? You were supposed to arrive later.

-I was afraid I was going to be late, so I didn't really pay attention to my advance. Sorry about that.

-Come in, you're going to scare the customers by staring at the storefront like that. You look like a psycho.

He moves to let you pass. You enter timidly and you immediately have the feeling of entering hostile territory. Maybe it's because Fred looks at you badly as soon as he sees you come in, making you want to disappear. You've never experienced hostility with twins, it's always been the other way around, even more so when you were the girlfriend of one and the sister-in-law of the other. It’s funny that Fred always acted as if you were a married couple. He was the only one to call you Mrs Weasley, saying it should motivate his brother to ask you. Today you doubt he calls you by his last name as he used to. After all, you break his brother’s heart, you doesn’t deserve any sweet nickname.

-Since you're here, all you have to do is help us organize the shelves, you know how it works.

-Okay, what do you want me to start with ?

-I think there are almost no more love potions on the shelf, there's a whole box of them in the reserve.

He hasn't even glanced at you, already on his way to see a customer. You’re going to get that box when Fred passes close to you, saying the air of nothing that you do not need to steal one of them. You immediately understand what he is implying and you want to tell him to fuck off, that it’s none of his business. But you don't have the courage to argue with Fred when you came to try to patch things up with George. That would be counterproductive and you can't blame Fred for being upset with you.

A few minutes later, you put the bottles on their display, being on your guard. You know Fred well enough to know it's not impossible that he might play a bad joke on you to avenge his brother in his own way. It might even be an opportunity to demonstrate a product to customers, unless you're getting paranoid. You’re just so tired of all of this …

-Hello Y/N.

-Luna ! You surprised me.

-I’m sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. You came to see George ?

-Yes.

-Great, I’m happy to see you both. It's been a long time since I've seen him, and so have you. I haven't heard from you in two weeks. Were you sick ?

It's weird to see her again since the argument with George. Curiously you don't have that odd feeling like all the other times, you just want her to go away before George sees you together. It would probably make him mad, he might imagine you asked Luna to come or she came to try to stop you from talking to him. You have no idea what might be going on in his head but you refuse to waste your chance.

-Kind of. You should go before you get sick too.

-Luna, what a pleasure to see you !

You stiffen at the sound of his voice behind your back, suddenly so warm that his sentence sounds sincere. But he's angry with Luna even though he doesn't let it show. He knows it's ridiculous because it's Luna, she didn't do anything to make Y/N fall in love with her again and she may not even know about it. But he resents her because she took a part of the heart he desires entirely, just for him.

-Hello George. I was telling Y/N that it's been a long time since I've seen you. It's a bit sad, you're good friends and we see so little of each other.

-But you have seen Y/N a lot in the last few months.

-True, but not for the last two weeks. It was as if she had disappeared, I thought she finally asked you to marry her and the two of you have stayed together ever since. It could have been a secret wedding, I think that's your type. But she told me she was sick.

-What ? Ask me to marry her ? Why would she do that?

-Luna !

-Sorry, I thought you talked about it with him.

-You wanted to ask me to marry you?

-I don't think it matters now.

-I'm sorry I embarrassed you, Rolf tells me I should be more subtle when talking to people.

-Who is Rolf ?

-She didn’t tell you ? Rolf is my fiancé, he’s a magizoologist like me. We met at work, he is adorable and very nice. I'm sure he's going to love your products, I came to buy some for him. He's going back to England in a few days.

George feels lost, he had no idea Luna had gotten engaged. If he had known, maybe he wouldn't have been so angry with you, because he wouldn't have thought Luna could dump her fiancé to get back together with you while you were in a relationship. He knows Luna well enough to know she is not that kind of woman, no matter how she feels about you she would have pushed you away and told you to stay with him. She has always been so nice and fair while he feels terribly selfish. 

-Congratulations, I had no idea. It's wonderful news, you have ... have you picked a date yet ?

-Yes, we will soon send out the invitations, you will receive one of course. It will be this summer, dad is very keen on it. Don't hesitate to come in yellow, it will make him happy.

-I take note.

-I'm going to go pay, it's closing soon. It was nice to see you again, feel free to visit me anytime.

The blonde goes to the cashier after a smile. You've never felt so embarrassed in front of George, it was the weirdest conversation and you don't know what effect it had on him.

-Why didn’t you tell me she’s engaged ?

-What difference would it have made ? You said that no matter what happened between her and me, the problem is I had feelings for her again.

-Luna would never cheat on someone, least of all her fiancé.

-So you trust Luna more than you trust me. Great …

-You're not going to get offended when it's all your fault in this story !

-George ! Calm down, the store is not closed yet.

He almost screamed while there were a dozen customers in the store, most of them looking at you waiting for the next part. Can this day get any worse ? It hasn't even been 10 minutes since you walked in and it's only getting worse.At this rate George won't even want to talk to you anymore and you'll have to say goodbye to him forever before the store closes. Resuming his professional appearance, he clears his throat to regain his composure and walks away without a word. Then you go back to what you were doing before Luna arrived, putting the small bottles carefully. You feel tense, it seems like there's not much missing for you to break down and either burst into tears or go crazy. It's like being in the middle of a nightmare, you would give anything to make it stop and wake up in bed with George's arms around you and his breath on your neck.

Lost in your thoughts and anxiety, the closing finally arrives and Fred leaves the store for the apartment above, not without giving you yet another bad look before winking at his brother. Here we are, and you just want to run away.

George comes to you, always with his mask of indifference on. It’s only a facade, you know him by heart and in truth he tries not to show he’s in pain. You're both in pain but you're the only one to show it, that's the game. All means are good to make him understand this separation hurts you and you miss him. You’re sitting on a step of the stairs leading to the second floor, with desperate eyes looking at the ground like a punished child. It's not going to be a piece of cake, he's probably going to say some hurtful words, but everything has to be said and heard.

-What about the proposal ? Were you really going to ask me ?

-I really thought about it, I never lied when I said that I love you and you are the man I want to make my life with.

He says nothing, assimilating this information with difficulty. He's still hurt and angry about what you did, but he feels it's not as he imagined it would be. He thought the moment he threw you out, you had gone to join Luna and since then you had been consoling yourself in her arms. He doesn't doubt your love for him, he saw how you were that night, but he thought you would move on with time, with Luna. He imagined himself learning that you were moving in with her, and the day you were going to get married. It destroyed him from the inside, this image, this perfect happiness that you would live with her when it should have been with him.

-You are the most important person to me, since we have been together for so long, I told myself that I could be the first one to make the proposal.

-Sounds ridiculous …

-You know that I want your kids. We already talked of this, I want 4 children and you, 5.

-Stop it. I know all of this too, but we can't talk of our future anymore. I'm not sure of our couple anymore.

-I understand. But you asked me to come here to talk. I'm trying to make you understand I don't want a future without you. Isn't what I'm supposed to do?

He remains silent, staring at the display of love potions. He stands up straight with his hands in his pockets and again you can't read him. You hate it, feeling like he's already so far away from you when the breakup isn't official yet. You're afraid he won't want you anymore and say it out loud, that he'll move on and make his life with another girl. He would have the right, nothing obliges him to stay with you, but how could you survive it ? He's the love of your life, it's the only thing that's been going round and round in your head for the last two weeks. It's him and nobody else, Luna is nothing compared to him. The tall man sighs and raises his head to the ceiling, you can see that he is chewing on the inside of his cheek. This is not a good sign.

-You understand it changes nothing for us.

-Not even a little ?

-I don't think so.

-Why ? It must change something. We both want to marry each other, we want a home and a family to build together. I told you more than I can remember that I am sorry and I choose you for ever and ever. Why isn't it enough ?

-You're going to get angry now ?

-I do, because I don't understand ! I understand you need time and you're mad about me and you have all right. But I didn't do anything to get her, not a kiss, not a look, not even a word. I never wanted to do anything with her, I was lost in my feelings and you … you say you will never need me again. How I'm supposed not to be angry ?

Tears fill up your eyes, it's kind of unfair of you to put a blame on him for his choice but you can't handle it. This man is yours since so many years, you've already imagined what your future would look like, to the kind of grandparents you would be. You want to live so many things with him, like traveling abroad, laughing at your children's mischief, celebrating your wedding anniversaries in so many different ways, just laughing every day of your life with this wonderful man. He can't take that away from you without you saying a word.

-Everybody makes mistakes, there is such a thing as forgiveness and you have to know how to forgive the people you love. I'm not saying this to make you feel obligated but because I want you to do it, because I still love you. Do you know that saying, "Love cannot be divided, it can only multiply" ? That's exactly right, I didn't take a part of my love for you to give to Luna. It's an old love that has woken up, it's something totally different. It's more like loving a friend very much or wanting the last broom, it’s unreasonable, foolish and not that strong as the way I love you.

-Is that supposed to make me want to take you back ?

-Shut up George ! I’m falling ! There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, and you heard Luna, I haven't spoken to her in two weeks ! I’m ready to do anything for you, to prove you my love !

-And you think that makes you respectable and forgivable ?

It's the most frustrating situation you've ever experienced, it's like talking to a wall. No matter what you say or what you do, he doesn't want to forgive you. This sudden realization makes you cry your eyes out. You refuse to give up your story, but it takes two to make one more, and George is sinking the ship. You don't know what's more powerful between despair and rage, but you're falling apart again. So it's really over ? He asked you to come here to finish you off like this ?

-George, I’m begging you … Don’t do this … Please, don’t leave me …

-I love you from the depths of my being, I was ready to give everything for you. But I can't give you my forgiveness, and above all I know I can't give you back my trust.

-But I don't understand ! I didn't cheat on you, I didn't do anything with her, she doesn't even know what happened ! I ignored her, I left you alone waiting for you to come back to me to talk and try to make things right because we love each other and this story doesn't change anything about OUR story !

-It changed something.

-No it doesn’t ! Maybe you’re afraid and you don’t trust me like before, and again I understand it and accept it. You’re hurt because you feel betrayed, you wanted to be the only one I love and unfortunately this is not the case but you still want me. In spite of everything you feel and what you told me, you still want me to become your wife and to raise a family together. You still want to offer me your newest products in advance and find me every night at the apartment. Because you know as well as I do that we are meant to be together. We survived Umbrage, we survived the war, I was always there when you needed me and you did the same. This love that unites us, it’s different from the one I have for Luna, it’s much more powerful and indestructible. We can break up if that's what you really want, but you know as well as I do that this love will never die. And you'll miss me every day of your life because I'll miss you too. I’ll love you forever, and I can’t do anything against that. 

-You’re cruel. Do you really think I'm happy I have to break up with you ? I'm not because you are ... everything I've ever wanted. I've always felt lucky to have you, I was sure we would make it. I’ll love you forever too and that’s the problem ! I can't escape you while you are hurting me, you will make me suffer all my life because I will have to try to run away from you all my life !

-You don't have to run away. Especially if it means it will make you suffer for the rest of your life.

Neither of you has moved since the beginning, almost like statues with words. You are together on a path that separates into two other paths, and you don't agree on which one to take next. One is clearly a dead end while the other leaves more possibilities. But you can't force George to follow you, if he really wants to stop everything then you'll have to accept it. Even if it breaks both your hearts, you can't stop him from living his life the way he wants. You've already done enough harm, and his feelings will make him suffer for a long time if he chooses to break up, there's no need to add to it. But you're not ready to hear it so you try to save this love story that's falling apart.

-Why can't we at least try to work things out before we break up ?

-If I come back to you, I know I would forgive you and we would go back to the way things were, almost as if nothing had happened.

-And it would be a bad thing ?

-I talked it over with Fred, he told me not to be fooled and not to give you a second chance. He says I deserve better than a woman who can't love only me.

-Excuse me but we don't give a shit about what Fred thinks. He's your brother, your twin, your partner, but he's not the one living your life. You know me much better than he does, you know our history and you know if I'm honest or not.

-So why didn't you tell me about Luna ?

-See where that got us ? As soon as I realized, I was ashamed, and I knew it would lead nowhere because there is only you for me. She has never been an option, least of all when she is engaged and I was hoping we would be as soon. I know, it sounds cheesy and cliché but it's the truth. I just wanted to wait for it to go away.

-By continuing to see her every day ?

-What would you have thought if I had stopped everything suddenly ? And I really thought it was a kind of nostalgia for a time when it was simple and not painful. The more the days go by and the more I'm sure of it, I don't miss her as much as I miss you, her absence doesn't hurt as much as yours. It was stupid to go back to her like that, I know. I’m sorry George. For all of this, it’s my fault. I never meant to hurt you, but I did. And I can never apologize enough for that, I promised you I would never hurt you. I’m really sorry George.

These words ring true in George's heart, yet this is not the first time you have said these words and he already knows everything, even what you didn't say. All you've done is tell the truth you both know, and even if it hurts he can't deny it. This is the moment when he must choose between yes and no. This is the moment when no matter what his twin brother said to him, his heart beats reason. It’s true he has loved you for four years and he can’t see a future without you, that's a pretty good reason to give a second chance. 

-Come on, let's go home.

-What ?

-Come quickly before I change my mind.

Without a word, you get up in a hurry and leave the store to let George close behind. You don't know what to expect, but this opening draws you like a beacon in the night. He lets you come home, which means he wants to try. You feel like you're living again, breathing is suddenly no longer painful, everything seems a little better and a little less sad. 

-You’ll sleep on the couch.

-Okay.

-I promise you nothing.

-That’s fair.

-I hope it will work. It would hurt too much if it didn’t.

You walk side by side in the night, without holding hands as you used to do. It's strange but there's a glimmer of hope that's lit up for both of you. Maybe it’s not the end.