#(in case the readmore breaks or something)

[potofsoup]

Happy July 4th, everyone, and good luck to the UK voters out there!

Wow it's Year 11 of doing these!! Here's the AO3 link to the past 10 years, and here's the tumblr link.

Reminder that this is a long game -- some of the judges making decisions were appointed back in the 80s. Many of the cases that were decided this round were from Trump's term. So it's going to take long-term, consistent voting over a decade to start tipping things in the other direction. (Which I talked about in 2018 re: Trump shenanigans and 2022 re: Dobbs).

A lot has been done by the Biden administration (I'm assuming most folks have seen this post by boreal-sea with their very helpful sources), and much of that will be overturned by Trump, especially if he gets the Senate, and especially now that he would have a blank check for anything "official". So let's make sure that doesn't happen.

And even if Trump does get elected, your decisions down-ballot might effect control of the House or Senate, or might make it easier to vote next time, plus the whole plethora of state and local issues. It's Republican state attorney generals who are challenging climate regulations, for example.

Plus, when you really get down to it, only one of the candidates plans on pardoning himself and all his friends if he wins, and attacking the government if he loses. Maybe that guy shouldn't be the President.

If you're new to voting, remember to check voter registration deadlines! I'm a permanent vote-by-mail voter and it's so nice. :)

Transcript under the readmore

Page 1: Sam and Bucky meet up with Steve for a picnic. Steve: Thought you guys were still in Sudan? Bucky: I’m forcing Sam to take a break.

Sam collapses onto the picnic blanket. Sam: Oof, it just never stops, does it? Steve: Nope.

Bucky hands Sam an orange popsicle. Bucky: Eat and relax for a bit, Sam. Sam: Thanks.

Page 2: Bucky asks Steve: How are things state-side? Steve responds: HORRIBLE. Bucky: I thought you’ve been tentatively hopeful about what Biden has been able to achieve? Steve: I was! Student loans, child care, climate regulations, infrastructure, labor, trans rights … he’s quietly done a lot through regulatory improvements and congress bills. But now all people will talk about is how he’s OLD. And then there’s the Supreme Court’s decisions … Chevron and immunity… Steve puts his head in his hands, while Sam and Bucky look on with some concern.

Page 3: Bucky hands Steve a blue/raspberry popsicle: Steve, take a deep breath, and a popsicle. Sam: Sounds like we missed a lot. What’s going on? How bad is it? Steve: Pretty bad. The Supreme Court has made some decisions that give the Court and the President A LOT of discretionary power. Sam: Yikes, that doesn’t sound good. Steve: Well, the Chevron thing means that judges with life-term appointments can override policies made by government agencies. And now it’ll be harder to hold a President accountable because he will have immunity for any “official” actions.

Page 4: Sam: So if the President tries to, say, overturn a democratic election result, he’ll be allowed to as long as it’s in his job description? Steve: I don’t think threatening state electors is “official” business, but that will be decided by federal judges. Who get their jobs by approval from both the President and the Senate. Bucky: Yeesh. No wonder you’re stressed. Any good news? Steve: Well, thanks the Biden and the razor-thin Senate majority, the newer bills don’t rely on the Chevron deference. Still not great but not catastrophic. Sam, squirting ketchup on his hot dog: So what I’m hearing is that it’s now more important than ever to have a President and a Senate who you can trust to appoint fair judges, pass bills, and not commit crimes.

Page 5: Steve: Plus all of the state level offices, now that more and more deciding power has been thrown back to the states — abortion, LGBTQ rights, voting access… Bucky: Hey, at least this is a big election year so we can actually do something! Steve, with his arms crossed, looking surly: Except that all people want to talk about is how Biden is “too old” and “not doing enough,” as if that is on par with Trump’s desire to dismantle basic rights! As if the candidate who doesn’t embody ALL their ideals is not worth voting for! Bucky interrupts with a smart and a loud “PFFT.”

Page 6: Bucky: Um, Steve. YOU were like that in 1940. Sam, nudging Bucky: “Oh, this I gotta hear. Spill, Barnes.” In sepia, Steve is pacing around their apartment while Bucky is sitting and reading a newspaper. Steve: I can’t believe he’s running for a 3rd term! we need a fresh candidate to vote for! This is hardly a choice at all! AND he refuses to engage in Europe! All of Europe under fascist control and we’re just twiddling our thumbs? He’s letting millions die through his inaction! Bucky: Most people don’t want another war, Steve. If he came out for it, he would lose. Steve, indignant: But Buck, it’s your Polish relative who are in danger! Bucky, closing his newspaper and looking at Steve: Yeah, and between FDR and Willkes, I trust FDR to help if he could.

Page 7: Steve, in sepia, looking away: Should he be encouraged to do more? Maybe I should vote for Browder. The Communists have historically be Anti-Fascist.

Sam interrupts off-screen: Waitaminute! STEVE was going to PROTEST-VOTE? Steve: We were in a Blue State, Sam! Sam: But what about the down ballot races?! Steve: RELAX, I did my due diligence down-ballot. I wanted a senate that’s more progressive than the President.Voted LaGuardia for Mayor, too. Steve hesitates: Then, when I got to the President… I realized that the Best case scenario would be that my vote did nothing, versus if it actually spoiled the election. And when I asked myself who I could trust to work with my Senator… well, FDR had a good record with Labor. (sepia shot of young Steve voting) Bucky interrupts: Hold on, Steve.

Page 8: Bucky, eating a cookie, arching an eyebrow: You didn’t vote for Browder? Why didn’t you tell me? Steve: And have you say “I told you so” for the next century? Bucky: Heh.

Steve, with hand on his chin: What’s weird was that, despite everything, I still felt HORRIBLE when I ticked that box. Sam: Sounds like you built up the meaning of that vote far too much in your head. Logically, we know that a single box can’t represent all of the complexity of a whole system, but the desperately WANT it to. Just look at how people have built up so much around the term “Zionis” that it’s made productive conversations difficult.

Page 9: Sam and Steve speak in the background while Bucky reaches into the cooler and pulls out a box. Steve: Sigh. And that’s something that goes beyond the election. Sam: Which is why we need to vote, AND do other things. Bucky, looking at Steve and Sam: Like how Steve works to push organizations on the local level? Or like all the work you do as Captain America? Sam: Exactly. Vote AND.

Sam looks at Bucky fondly: Like how you vote AND make me and Steve take breaks. Bucky, looking stern because he can’t handle compliments: Shush, Sam.

Bucky holds up a cake that has the number “107” on it: It’s time for cake. Happy Birthday, Steve.

[speakergame]

Progress Update - 3/4/24

Hello and happy March!

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? 😅 Well, I finally have some good news for you this time: I have some actual news!

I'm happy to be able to announce at last that an update is on its way! I’ve still got some assets to make and code cleanup and testing to finish, but I should finally have something to show you soon.

I’ll put a cut at the end of this and go into more detail about the what and why of what I’ve been working on during this long and unintended hiatus, but the tl;dr is that I hope to have an update out by the end of the month, and that said update will break any saves made in Chapter 4. Unfortunate, but unavoidable, since Chapter 4 had to be recoded from the beginning 😞

I just want to thank all of you once again for sticking with me through my extended silence! Especially to my patrons who’ve put up with me putting everything on pause month after month while I dealt with my real life shit, and to everyone who’s sent me kind and supportive messages to let me know Speaker hasn’t been forgotten. It really means a lot to me.

Okay, enough of that sappy shit! I’m gonna get back to work finishing this up 😁 I’ll put out another update later this month once I have a more definite release date.

Thank you all for reading! I hope you’re having a fantastic 2024 so far, and that the rest of the week treats you kindly. See y’all soon! 💙💙💙

(For those who want a more detailed breakdown on what’s been happening and what to expect, hit the readmore)

I won’t go into the personal life stuff I’ve been dealing with this past year that has slowed down my work, but as far as the actual game goes: 

To put it simply, I just wasn’t happy with it. Some of it could be because of how many times I had to reread the same section while I was coding the scenes that would’ve taken place after the last update, but no matter how much I edited or rearranged it, I didn’t like how that scene turned out. There was something… formulaic that had been happening with the way I always laid out scenes, and a bit of stagnation in the story, character, and relationship development that bothered me.

So I rewrote it. And when I still didn’t like it, I rewrote it again. And I still didn’t like it. I thought about scrapping the whole thing on more than one occasion as I struggled to get out of the corner I’d written myself into.

Inspiration finally struck at the beginning of this year, thanks in part to another interactive novel I follow, and I really like the direction I’ve taken it now. 

Instead of the RO split scenes happening where the last one left off, Speaker, Seer, and Gavin are gonna have a chat about Things™ to move the next story arc forward. Then Speaker will get some downtime, by themself at first and then in an extended scene split with the RO of their choosing. 

All the Big Plot Things that were going to happen in Chapter 4 will be moved to Chapter 5 instead, and 4 will be a bit more of a filler episode. A deep breath before the plunge, as it were.

This split won’t just be a quick conversation/reaction from the RO, but a full on different direction for the rest of the chapter based on who you choose. Most of them will involve leaving the house; all of them will involve actual one-on-one time (or one-on-two time, as the case may be) away from the others. And though romance isn’t required, all of them will have the potential to really move the romance forward if you so choose. One or two might even have a lock-in choice (maybe. I’m not 100 percent on that, so don’t hold me to it) 

These scenes won’t be in the next update, because they’re all very complex, but the update will definitely have the Seer chat and at least some of the by-yourself stuff. The update after will have the rest of the alone time stuff (including the clothes/body CC you’ve all been waiting for), and then the one after will start the RO scenes. I think.

I may actually split the RO scenes into separate updates, and let my darlings over at Patreon vote for the order they’re released. That way I can focus on one at a time instead of trying to split my attention six ways at once.

Okay, that’s enough rambling for me today. Time to get back to work! Still got a lot to get done before this is ready, but it’s so close now.

[stars-obsession-pit]

I feel like the potential of different methods of treatment of Jason’s Lazarus Pit side effects in DPxDC fics is often underutilized.

Like, yeah, the crossover brings in more ghostly stuff that could help, but it’s contamination on his literal mind/soul (definitely soul in a DPxDC context, idk about in DC canon) brought on by an unnatural resurrection. At least to me, that feels like it should be significant.

Having Danny just reach in and pull it out or Frostbite treat it in a basic procedure feels almost… cheap?

Like, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with it being easy. Stories don’t need to go deeply into the soul healing process; if it’s not meant to be major plot point, it can absolutely be just a quick thing! I’m not trying to insult those stories at all!!

But I feel like there’s a lot of room for more complex or esoteric stuff in there to be explored!

Some ideas for such unique condition things under the readmore:

What if his “revenant” thing some fics use comes into play and the only way to remove it is to fully achieve his revenge? And if that’s the case, what if someone/something else kills the target of the revenge without his influence? Yeah, the person is dead now, he’s technically avenged, but he wasn’t the one to get the revenge. So does it still go away, or is he stuck with it? If he still has it, is it just permanent now or can he just find some other revenge method (ruining their legacy or etc) to break it?

Or oppositely, what if he literally can’t achieve that revenge or his body will die again, its mission complete. Thus, his only way to survive and remove the side effects is to smother all those vengeful urges until they fall silent. Which could make that “someone else kills the target unrelated to him” thing from the previous idea now the good ending - basically guaranteeing his survival since he can’t achieve the vengeance as easily now and can move on. Or maybe it’d be even worse as it forces him to move on regardless, dying randomly when the target of his revenge meets their comeuppance.

What if cycling out the corrupted ectoplasm is a long-term process of meditation (and/or emotional control) - something that takes up significant space in his life and forces him to plan/work around until it’s complete (reduced work hours, avoiding certain situations that might cloud his thoughts, etc)

What if he needs to obtain some sorts of special items/materials (either connected to his own life or more general ghost stuff) for a cleansing ritual, forcing him to go on some sort of quest(s) before he can perform it and recover

What if the tainted spots on his soul can’t be fixed, only excised, leaving other types of consequences for his mind/soul (some that will gradually disappear as the “incisions” heal, others that persist in the scars left behind)

What if the healing process requires him to go over his memories and smooth out the jagged emotional edges left by the Pit, and he isn’t experienced enough with ghostly matters to do on his own, so it forces him to get help from another ghost (and thus bare all his secrets to them)

What if the Pit Rage has to be fully pulled to the front - leaving him completely consumed by its control - before it can be literally fought back and suppressed

What if it can be healed only by taking pieces of healthy ghosts to patch him up - which’d require a lot of smaller ghosts (e.g. blob ghosts) or could potentially only need a couple if he’s willing to harm more intelligent ghosts for it (which Jason likely wouldn’t do, but he’s hardly the only person who’s been revived by the Pits…)

[fujoshimenacecw]

A conversation between Moto Hagio, Hideaki Anno, and Shimako Sato

In our first ever translation work we share a riveting conversation between Moto Hagio, Hideaki Anno, and Shimako Sato! Read on our wordpress or keep reading on tumblr under the readmore

For the 189th issue of the Magazine House publication Hato yo! published January 1st 2000, movie director and screenwriter Shimako Sato leads a three way conversation between herself and her acquaintances, the anime and live action movie director Hideaki Anno, and manga artist Moto Hagio. Together they discuss their respective admiration for each other’s work, Anno’s past statements on otaku, their takes on parent-child relations, how to escape puberty, and why Anno finds it scary to be around children. 

To Me, There is 5 Ways To End a Story

Hagio: I got really into Neon Genesis Evangelion after it finished airing (laughter). I had been told by an acquaintance that Eva was a work that had “fans who were looking forward to watching the series so enraged by the developments in the final episode that they broke their TVs” (laughter). I wondered what could a work that evokes such strong emotions be like? I was really interested, so I borrowed the VHS tapes from a friend of Shimako-san’s, then I started watching.

Anno: I’m a big fan of Hagio-san’s manga, so when Shimako-san first said she could introduce us and arrange this meeting I was truly happy. The fact that you took an interest in Eva is an honor but… When I first heard “to me, there are five ways to end a story” I thought “as expected; amazing!” So after several twists and turns I finally reached a conclusion

Sato: Anno-san, when did you first encounter Hagio-san’s work?

Anno: The first one I read was They Were 11! during its serialization. In elementary school I read it at the Ear-Nose-Throat Doctor. I generally read manga at the waiting room there or at the barbers, since I didn’t really get any manga to read at home. When I read They Were 11! back then I was blown away. After that I read Hyaku Oku no Hiru to Senoku no Yoru [trans: Ten Billion Days and One Hundred Billion Nights, original story by Ryu Mitsuse]. My favorite work is Half-god [Hanshin]. The fact that such a meaningful story could be told in only 16 pages is amazing. I think Hagio-san is a genius storyteller, but her art is amazing as well. In middle school I thought that if I copied Hagio-san’s art I’d become better at drawing.

Sato: If you had also imitated her storytelling would that perhaps have changed Eva’s final episode? (laughter)

Saving the world, love and hatred

Anno: You know, I don’t have much interest in concluding a story.

Sato: Do you hate wrapping a furoshiki? [trans note: a traditional wrapping cloth]

Anno: No, it’s that I think you can do more with a furoshiki than tie it up pretty. Like break it or tear it to shreds, all kinds of things.

Sato: If we include all that, isn’t that still doing the act of wrapping?

Hagio: In your case Anno-san, I find your way of grasping the world unique.

Sato: For both Anno-san and Hagio-san, even with the differences between manga and anime you’re making a serialized work, right. When you make a long-form work, is the ending something that is already decided? Or is it something that changes?

Anno: For me it’s something like a live performance, and ends up gradually changing as I create the work.

Hagio: I’m a bit too careful, so I can’t draw if I haven’t thought of the ending. An exception is when I made Star Red. Otherworld Barbara which I made later also ended up becoming an exception 

Anno: Star Red’s ending was magnificent. I was also influenced by Star Red. Actually, I’ve written some dialogue similar to the one in Star Red’s ending 

Sato: Which of the characters do you like?

Anno: Well, the protagonist.

Sato: I like Elg. At first I thought he was a rather unreliable person, but he gradually came to play an active role. By the end he revived a dead planet through love.

Hagio: I also like characters like that!

Sato: When I watch Anno’s works like Eva I feel like you are more the kind of person who saves the world through hatred, what do you think?

Anno: I don’t know 

Hagio: That feeling of uncertainty becomes the foundation of your storytelling doesn’t it? I come to think that that feeling is something so overflowing you can’t tie it all together. 

Sato: It seems you have some differences when it comes to making a story, but I think one thing your stories have in common is perhaps parent-child relations?

Anno: That is true, Hagio-san. Your relationship with your mother appears in your work…

Hagio: When I was a child, my older sister was my mother’s favorite, I was always compared to her. It seemed my mother thought that compared to my sister I was unreliable so she always worried about me, even when I was into my thirties she’d tell me to quit making manga.

Sato: And that was during The Poe Clan’s heyday wasn’t it?

Hagio: (laughter) When I was watching Eva, something that really caught my attention was Shinji-kun worrying about whether or not he was useful to his father. Yet there was a distance between them. During that time I was very interested in, to put it into words, “broken relations.” 

Otaku Are Generally Uncool

Sato: Anno-san, in your work I think father-son relations is something that makes an appearance. Are there any real experiences behind that?

Anno: My family was normal. If I have a complex it would be that we were a poor family rather than a just normal one, and my father has only one leg. Regardless, I think stories about parents are the simplest to make, it’s easy. 

Sato: So since Eva is a parent-child story it ended up like that?

Anno: What makes it easy is that we have some preconceived assumptions about [parent-child relations], “have you argued with your parents?” and such.

Sato: What appears in your work isn’t those things, but your own internalized problems don’t you think.

Anno: That appears to be it. As for my family we truly were the archetypical lower middle class household. My father was a good person. A sensible man. When you’re under circumstances like my father was you have to live sensibly or else you’re excluded.

Sato: So in opposition to that, you became an otaku.

Anno: That might be it. Your most important model for what normalcy is is your family. But I have a younger sister and she is exceedingly normal. She doesn’t read manga, there is nothing twisted about her at all.

Sato: And by twisted you mean?

Anno: That she’s not an otaku.

Sato: Anno-san, you’ve said that you hate otaku, haven’t you.

Anno: It’s not hate. It’s just that I think otaku are uncool. To otherwise not notice that you’re uncool or purposefully suppressing that fact makes me feel disgusted.

Sato: What about The Matrix? Isn’t that a cool otaku movie?

Anno: That one is also uncool.

Hagio: Even though Keanu Reeves is cool.

Anno: Keanu is cool. Because he is not an otaku. The otaku are the Wachowskis. They can’t get out of the confinements of their otaku-ism. So for example, even if they make something cool, part of it will for certain be otaku-like Even though I say this I don’t hate it. If I truly did I’d quit being an otaku.

Sato: Hagio-san, would you say your family was normal or was it perhaps affluent?

Joh (Hagio’s manager): Hagio-san and her mother actually have a similar biorhythm. It was perhaps due to that fact that Hagio rebelled by pursuing the path of becoming a manga artist. 

Hagio: I might have been running away by drawing. But, if I had rebelled by becoming a delinquent I think it perhaps might’ve been more enriching to me as a person.

Anno: To become a creator is not something I think is a happy path to go down. In order to not be unhappy you have to work for dear life. At the very least create works as if you’re going back to zero [from the negatives].

Hagio: Is it a negative? Because you are an otaku?

Anno: Being an otaku is a huge negative. You make up for it either by relying on others or by producing creative works. With that said, I think my generation has it easier than yours, Hagio-san. This is an era where even old men read manga. My parents even now have no issues with my line of work. I appear in Asahi Shimbun, I appear on NHK, they have nothing to worry about. That is also why I will try not to ever refuse any coverage from my hometown newspapers.

Hagio: But don’t you think parents don’t truly understand? Even if I become famous, my parents will say; can’t you quit drawing manga? And just appear in the newspaper? (laughter)

Sato: But if you quit drawing manga you won’t appear in the newspaper. (laughter)

Hagio: In that context, a part of me still expects too much affirmation from my parents. Not externally but internally. Even if I appear in Asahi Shimbun I still end up thinking it’s not good enough.

Sato: The fact that you still worry so much about what your parents think at your age Hagio-san, it’s so strange.

Hagio: Yes, I think so too

Anno: Could it be that you have to become a parent to change that part of you that worries so much about what your parents think?

Sato: I don’t worry at all about what my parents think.

Anno: I also don’t care even a little bit. As far as I’m concerned, I’m bored if I get my parents’ approval. When I did Nadia: The Secret Of Blue Water for NHK I felt that feeling.

Sato: Do you have a replacement parent figure?

Anno: Well, a man without imaginary enemies is no good. For me right now, I think I want to make works that have Hayao Miyazaki beat.

Sato: Hagio-san, your worries might also be what gives birth to your works.

Hagio: That might be the case.

Sato: Anno-san, earlier, you said “you have to become a parent to change.” I personally don’t think if you don’t have children you can’t become an adult. I think that being an adult is being independent in everything you do. That’s why I think marriage or having children doesn’t change anything.

Anno: You can become a parent without being an adult. At 17 or 18 you could become a parent. To become a parent without even being an adult, that is the problem I think. 

Sato: Do you consider yourself to be an adult, Anno-san?

Anno: I guess I’m a child. 

Sato: I don’t consider my parents to be adults.

Hagio: I’m very discontent with the fact that my parents aren’t adults.

Anno: I’m not discontent.

Sato: For me realizing that my parents aren’t absolute adults was a relief during my middle school years. Until then I had played the role of an exemplary student, but when I realized that fact I stopped playing that role. 

Hagio: So you’re a child who didn’t fit into your parents’ expectations. I was also a child who didn’t fit into my parents’ expectations, but the fact that they didn’t shrug their shoulders and say “that’s fine,” filled me with anxiety. I thought that if I become an adult I’d lose that anxiety. But I want recognition from people. I continue to request affirmation. 

Sato: Anno-san, in Eva you portrayed children like this, but are you like this yourself?

Anno: The affirmation? Hmmm. That kind of thing changes with the project.

Hagio & Sato: ?

Anno: I don’t believe in the supremacy of the director of a work, but rather the work itself. What would be best for the work, I only base my judgment on the total. Although I won’t hand over the executive decisions.

Hagio: Manga is a one-man job, but with a movie there’s the director, the scriptwriter, the actors, etc. Each of them sees themselves as a leading part. Furthermore as living beings the things we do will sometimes diverge from the plan we made in our heads. The fun of living is discovering what those differences will be.

Is Eva The Rite of Passage That Will Get Us Through Puberty?

Sato: The movie Love & Pop that you directed Anno-san, the original creator Ryuu Murakami-san and yourself are both men, yet the story is about high school girls. I found that interesting.

Hagio: I thought that both of you wanted to be very similar to an archetypical girl. You said you wanted to see a part of puberty, and girlhood that you couldn’t control. After all, men aren’t just made up of boys. I believe that femininity and masculinity is something we have combined within us. Sort of androgynous.

Sato: The boys you create not having that vivid true-to-life quality to them I think is a representation of that. Anno-san, as a man, what do you think of the boys in Hagio-san’s manga? 

Anno: I think they have empathy. I think what I like the most is that all the characters are smart. Because they have such a high intelligence it feels good to read.

Hagio: Like a washing machine right at the peak of its cycle, I want to leave my characters on the verge of that kind of critical point [of merger]. To be honest, the idea that once you’re past 30 you’ve become an old lady, that sense is something we’ve left behind.

Sato: I’ve found that when men become old they lose their ability to be nihilistic in their work, is it the same as that?

Anno: In the case of men, as you age, the world view [of your fiction] rather than your characters come to reflect your nihilism. You don’t aspire to be nihilistic, you yourself are becoming nihilistic. Your world view is what gradually utilizes nihilism. Isao Takahata, for example, is a nihilistic person. Nothing is born from being nihilistic. As nihilism is Plus-Minus-Zero, eventually your heart can’t be moved.

Hagio: A world that doesn’t change, isn’t that comfortable? 

Sato: Even though in order to grow you have to fight. By asking like this, Anno-san, did you not experience puberty?

Anno: That might be it.

Hagio: I thought you were right in the middle of puberty.

Anno: I thought I’m losing it, but it might be puberty. Generally speaking, otaku don’t go through puberty.

Hagio: I thought otaku went through a prolonged chronic puberty.

Anno: It’s not what society ordinarily calls puberty.

Hagio: A never ending puberty, in this age, could it perhaps be because there are no more rites of passage? 

Anno: Sure enough, you have to bungee jump. (laughter)

Hagio: A ritual to let your childhood die and then replay it, such a thing doesn’t exist now. Taking entrance exams may be the closest to [a rite of passage].

Sato: Don’t you feel like lately that around age 30 is when the coming of age ceremony actually happens?

Hagio: For that part, that’s when the stories takes on that role I think.

Sato: As a ritual?

Hagio: It’s not a ritual, but perhaps more intuitive? A trial run on a mock life. By that definition, I noticed Eva is just like that. I had an acquaintance who is a teacher from the Kyoto Steiner school. They saw the Eva movie in theaters. At that time they found the reactions of the people watching to be more interesting than the story. They had thought, isn’t it like we’ve all come to see the rite of passage which we all failed? I thought so as well “that’s right, that is interesting.” The rite of passage to become an adult after entering puberty, be it Gundam or Eva those stories put people in a position where they are observing the world, observing themselves, experiencing war and such.

Sato: Anno-san, were you considering all this…

Anno: I didn’t make it like that. But when I was making the movie I was thinking of this a little. 

Hagio: When I watched Eva it ended up overlapping with the book Childhood [by Jan Myrdal]. It’s a book about a mother who can’t love her child. She thinks “I have to take care of this child”, but even so she can’t love him. I wonder what happens to children raised like this. Children learn from their parents. In truth there will be consequences for the parent, but the question on my mind was children who can’t find their place with the parent, where can they find their place instead? Although I thought you were such a person when you were making Eva, Anno-san. (laughter) 

Sato: Speaking of, the other day you were on a TV show teaching grade schoolers about anime, Anno-san. What do you think of children?

Anno: I was scared of being in contact with children. I don’t understand the appropriate distance to take. I believe even the most casual thing an adult says mustn’t traumatize them, I end up becoming oversensitive. In grade school during still drawing class, I’d draw roof tiles and other detailed things, but humans moved around and I found it annoying, so I never drew people. Because of that my teacher said “this isn’t a child’s drawing,” which deeply hurt me. In the end, from that experience I think it was a part of the reason why I decided on working with drawing. Even though I opposed standardized education, I really felt the difficulty of dealing with not having a basic manual.

By the way, how much longer until Zankoku na Kami ga Shihai Suru [trans: A Cruel God Reigns] ends? I made a mistake. I wanted to read it all at once, right, so I refrained from buying it but… when volume 6 came out I ended up buying all of them. 

Hagio: Oh yes, right. July next year I think. 

Anno: Understood. Then the final collected volume will be out in the fall of next year. Hmm well that means I can enjoy it for another year. Understood. 

Sato: Isn’t that great.

------------------------------

Translated by mod Juli, with assistance from two financially compensated native speakers.

A scan of the full interview raws has now been added to the wordpress version!

[needle-thread-thimble-spear]

RGU and the Transfeminine, Part 1

OR

Why Miki Kaoru is an Egg

Fig. 1: The Sunlit Garden

When I’d first watched through Revolutionary Girl Utena, Miki Kaoru was initially one of the characters I had the hardest time figuring out. Unlike the other poisoned sibling relationships in the show, Miki and Kozue’s didn’t really make much sense to me. I couldn’t decide how I felt about the character, whether he was “better” somehow than Touga, Saionji, or Akio, or if he was “just as bad”. And of course. What the hell is with that damn stopwatch dude??* Looking at fan writings afterward just deepened the confusion. Everyone seems to have a different opinion on what’s going on with Miki. It’s only after much re-watching, and introspection, that I think I’ve figured out why I’m so conflicted about the character. I’d like to share why- and hopefully along the way I can at least show that Miki is more interesting than many give him credit for. Click the readmore if you please!

(And, to be clear, what is written below is a reading, a blend of evidence from the text, from the subtext, and my own personal experience. I do not claim to be the first to interpret the character this way nor do I claim that this is the definitive read of the character. Nonetheless, I hope I can make my case to you!)

and, a big thank you to @empty-movement for collating all the high quality screengrabs and scans in this post!

Fig 2: Rookie Princes

While I’m not the first to notice, I think it’s frequently overlooked just how similar Utena and Miki are in the first arc. It’s definitely something that flies over the heads of many first-time viewers. But Miki and Utena, are extremely alike! Of course, they are both motivated by an unattainable image of the past, and Miki’s early episodes codify the “sunlit garden” into the RGU symbolic environment. But it’s more than just this. Utena and Miki both treat Anthy in basically the same way. Utena has an easy time convincing Miki that the dueling game is objectifying nonsense. That the principled thing is to leave the whole exercise behind and treat Anthy like a person. It isn’t very hard for Miki to convince Utena to duel him for her hand either. They both view themselves as her personal protector, and (while maybe at different times), both project their imagination of what she must be thinking onto her. Utena does a bit more than Miki to try and figure Anthy out, but it doesn’t take much for her to get swept up in her own image of prince. In both their minds, Anthy needs them to save her. And, when Anthy looks them in the eyes, and tells them. I’m not yours. It destroys them. Freezes them in their tracks, breaks their hearts. Screaming, its a lie, you can’t mean that! Of course they get along so well! They see themselves in one another, plain as day. Little rival princelings, seeking the affections of the same princess, but always with chivalry and good intention.

Fig 3: Heartbreak

But I think there is more to it than that! Miki and Utena (and later Nanami) are some of the youngest duelists (at least, without a black rose anyway). And, they have fairly similar relationships to the other members of the student council. Juri acts as an older friend, mentor, and source of advice for both of them. Its not unlikely that she sees her younger self in the two of them, and while she does very directly take this out on Utena, its her sword that Utena takes to her second duel with Touga. Indeed, Touga manipulates Miki and Utena in unsubtle and sexually aggressive ways, as compared to how he might treat Saionji or Juri. And for both, its their relationship to gender that he directly attacks. He attempts to break Utena’s spirit by turning her “back into a normal girl”, and for Miki he seems to challenge his masculinity. And while this may seem as though the two of them are being shoved in opposite directions, in both cases, Touga hits them in the same place. “You’re a prince then? I don’t think so. Unless you prove it”. Touga isn’t the only one to question Miki’s ability or status. Utena and Juri both tell Miki. You are much more suited to playing piano than dueling. The main difference here is that they tell him this with genuine compassion, but the implication is the same. You aren’t suited to this prince thing. Give it up.

I don’t think it’s just the audience who is conflicted slotting in Miki with the other “men”.

Fig 4: Strange Friends

Much ink has been spilled on Miki and Kozue’s relationship, but I do think there is one thing consistent across readings. There is a power struggle going on between them, and they’ve both got something to hold over the others head. Personally, I don’t believe there is any attraction between them. Rather, What’s Going On With Those Two is their mismatch in understanding their sexuality and the RGU concept of “Reality”, and the friction that creates in their image of themselves and one another. That reading may go as follows. Miki sees Kozue as acting dangerously and immorally. In his mind, she is his responsibility, to keep out of trouble at the very least. Perhaps he sees himself as needing to step in for their absent parents. So he sees himself as the mature and grounded one, a father figure needing to keep the both of them on the straight and narrow. Kozue on the other hand, sees Miki as being essentially blind to Reality (with a capital R). She believes he doesn’t have a good grasp of what sex is, or what adult relationships look like. She may believe that she understands what happened with their parents much better than Miki, and clearly sees that her brother is in danger with his creepy music teacher. So she sees herself as the mature and grounded one, needing to protect her brother both by warding off people who would take advantage of him and by getting him to grow up and see things as they Really are. Without their parents, they feel the need to take care of one another and control how the other approaches their sexuality. But in the end, it does seem that Kozue is the one who is better able to manipulate Miki’s behavior, helping Akio convince him to duel a second time. That Miki needs to grow up and accept what he wants. He sees a vision of Anthy, and he’s driving the akiomobile. And, with fearful realization, he discovers the identity of End of the World.

Fig 5: Fear

So then. Why should Miki be so hung up about his sexuality? It clearly makes him very uncomfortable. And why does he compare the sister he had in the past onto the one he has in the present? What’s so special about that sunlit garden, anyway? What is Miki Kaoru’s shining thing?

Let me spin a yarn, if you'll indulge me-

As far as Miki remembers it, when he was little things were perfect. His parents were still there, and he and his twin sister were thick as thieves. They would play piano together, and drink milkshakes. Things were simple and happy as far as he’s concerned, and while his childhood was not nearly as rosy as he remembers, it was certainly better than whatever he has to deal with now. Now his parents are gone for reasons he doesn’t quite understand, and his sister has drifted away from him and acts promiscuously. His body is starting to change, and it fills him with disgust. Worse still, he finds himself envying his sister for some reason. It all floods him with shame. He needs to fight those feeling with everything he has. Being very clever for his age, he finds himself the youngest member of the student council. He becomes involved with the dueling game as it is revealed to him, and goes along with it, not wanting to act out of place. He gets a crush on Anthy, and is unable to figure out what the hell he should do about it. Later, he meets Utena, and the two become fast friends. And how lucky, his new friend is roommates with his crush! She’s just so perfect. She’s kind, and quiet, and chaste, not at all like his sister. He feels a kinship with her. And in an act of cosmic fate- she plays for him his favorite childhood arrangement. It’s just as Touga says. He can’t let the world get to her, the way its getting to his sister. The way its getting to him. He needs to make sure that Anthy, and his memories, are safe. But alas- it seems she doesn’t feel the same way. She’d rather be with Utena. Hopefully, Utena can protect her where he cannot. Miki and Utena go back to being friends, and he nurses his hurt feelings privately. It wouldn't do to make a scene about it, and besides, it wasn’t appropriate for him to think of her like that anyway. Thinking about anyone like that. He can’t help but feel disgusted with himself for allowing it. Later, his relationship with his sister continues to deteriorate, and his father is remarrying. But he can stick by his principles, and stay out of it all, the dueling especially. Kozue, Touga, and Akio have other plans. He is confronted with Reality, and it terrifies him. He sees himself in the drivers seat, Anthy his. This is what he is now, no point in trying to hide from it. He challenges Utena again, taking an early advantage utilizing his new resolve and Utena’s confusion. But that resolves breaks quickly. What is Kozue doing with Anthy?

Pay attention, or you’ll lose.

Fig 6: Crash!!

Miki is disgusted with himself, his role, because he does not want it. He hates what’s happening to himself and his family. He admires Utena and Juri, for embodying his ideal self. He listens to Touga, puts up with his music teacher, even if they make him feel gross and uncomfortable, because he feels he has to and that he doesn’t have a choice. He idolizes Anthy, so much. He is attracted to her, but maybe there is something more. Maybe, Miki wishes he could be her. Miki, in my mind, is a closeted trans lesbian going through puberty as a boy. I think that part of this might be projection, perhaps. But I hope that I might have made my case using the text of the show. But even if you disagree, I hope that you might have a better appreciation for his character. I think he’s fairly consistently people’s least favorite council member as a character, but honestly he’s my favorite and I think there’s a lot more too him than a lot of people give him credit for.

Fig 7: Three Lesbians Hanging Out

… this all being said. I think it’s interesting that Miki thinks Anthy is the picture of femininity right? That this is what he wants.

In the end, all girls are like the rose bride.

Please wait patiently while I make the case, that while Miki is an egg. Anthy has long since hatched...

(And I do mean be patient! This subject, and the concept that Ohtori represents a transmisogynystic institution at its very core, is WAY more personal than this headcanon, and also is much more of a difficult thing to write for dozens of reasons. I'm still not 100% sure it would even be right of me to post my thoughts on that publicly. But if enough people are interested, maybe that would motivate me to write it!)

*What’s a good Miki essay without some sort of Stopwatch Theory tm? Well (and I freely admit much of this is probably projection, but it’s not just me projecting! It’s also my girlfriend!!), Miki seems to get very wrapped up in his own thoughts. He is very self conscious, takes the criticisms of others very seriously, and also seems to get ideas about How Things Are Going To Happen in his head. He desperately tries to make sense of his surroundings, and finds himself consistently failing to do that. So my guess is the stopwatch is a way for him to regulate and calibrate his thoughts and hypotheses and self image. He picked it up in his duty as council secretary, but its something he feels is significant outside of that. Aha moment? Click. Unexpected end to a council meeting? Click. Something go completely as expected? Click. It helps him process I think. That is my formal Stopwatch Hypothesis tm.

Supplement Fig 1: Stopwatch

[zarvasace]

Ugh tumblr is not cooperating with my readmores and art. Oh well we can do it this way. AU masterpost

Say hello to Shackle and Nothing, dark Wind and dark Time :D more art and long descriptions beneath the cut!

Shackle

Shackle is dark Wind. 

To me, one of Wind’s core themes is freedom. He goes wherever he wants on his boat (and has fun), he frees a couple girls from the Helmaroc King, and when I think of him, I think of wild blue skies and an endless horizon. He loves life and is one of the most determined heroes. 

Shackle, on the other hand, is a bit of a control freak. He doesn't mind not being in charge all the time (he does mind, but he doesn't like to be challenged, and knows that he'd lose any fight for the top place, so he pretends to not care) but he does mind when things don't go his way. If someone or something is annoying him or not listening to him, he will readily use one of the many chains he carries to threaten or restrain. He likes being in control of others, and he likes when people are afraid of him. He keeps fairies nearby, not so much in case of healing, but because he can shake their bottles and listen to them chime in fear. 

Shackle is a rather skilled manipulator, and one of the few Darks that look pretty much human, so he's often the one to head excursions into town (Prince is more of a charismatic diplomat, but his powers don't work on whole crowds at a time.) Because of his strength and chains, he's often the one to be on Dire duty, something he doesn’t mind much. Shackle is also very fond of money and luxury. He’ll pinch rupees on anything that doesn't have to do with him, like someone else’s supplies, but he's happy to splurge on himself. 

He doesn't have any mystical powers, but he does have enchanted chains that grow and shrink according to his needs. He eats food like any mortal. He's as young as Wind is but is more often successful at bluffing his way into bars and the like. He “jokes” often about earning a couple rupees from selling one of the others—usually Lost or Madness, or Nothing if he's being annoying (a normal occurrence.) Shackle’s ambition is to break free of the others and start a true pirate empire, and the way he wants to do that is by starting a slave trade. That way he can indulge his loves of intimidation and money at the same time. 

In terms of design: Shackle is pale to Wind’s tan, a bit beefy to Wind’s young lankiness. He wears red instead of blue, leaning into the pirate aesthetic with sashes and belts and leather and eyeliner. He got a chain tattoo because he thought it was cool. He fears losing everything he has, and some of what he doesn't have. 

The only thing that Shackle and Wind would agree on is that Aryll must be protected and lavished with gifts at every opportunity (even though Shackle hasn’t technically met her, yet.) He'd treat her like a princess—as long as she agreed with him about what a princess should be. He isn't a very good listener. 

Nothing

Nothing is dark Time. He appears as a petulant child: sharp and angular and half-dead. He takes all of Time’s gremlin tendencies and turns them into cruel pranks and mean-spirited insults. Time is a leader, and Nothing intentionally holds the group back if he can get away with it. Nothing is resentful: he remembers fighting Time, though he, like Agony, is different now—he can think more clearly and has a  purpose beyond just being something's  guardian. 

Nothing gets along best with Madness. He hates being given orders and actively goes the other way unless it was his idea. The group at large only barely puts up with him, but they keep him around for a good reason: he's kind of a genius. He knows dungeons, traps, and gimmicks like nobody’s business. He won't ever give advice on one of Depth’s plans if asked, but they've figured out that if they give Nothing an opening to dunk on someone and hurt one of the Heroes, he'll jump into it and put that genius to work. He's excellent at predicting what the heroes might do, which makes everything just that much more sinister. 

On occasion, Nothing will fall into fugues. During these periods, he appears as an older teenager instead of a child, and he's virtually unresponsive. He'll move if prodded. He’ll fight—and fight very well—if told to, but he won't speak, the embodiment of his name. Pretty much everyone finds the contrast rather creepy. These periods don't last long, and soon enough, Nothing is back to his bratty younger self. 

Most of all, Nothing wants everything Time has, but if given the option, he wouldn't take Time’s place. He innocently wishes he could be a hero, but he knows he can't be, so he's going to go as far the other direction as possible. He wants to build his own life. But the people around him wouldn't ever let that happen, so Nothing is bitter and lashes out, without any reason not to. 

Nothing is designed very much after the Dark Link in Ocarina of Time’s Water Temple, with a few significant tweaks. He is based on young Link instead of the older one, and he is also covered in signs of decay. There are faint red and purple lines like veins on his skin, like corpses that began to decompose underwater, and his tunic and hat show signs of the same. When he appears as a teenager, the decay is even worse. His sword is patterned after the Master Sword, but is just a normal, nonmagical thing. 

Nothing is the Hero of Nothing, a sad admittance of his own emptiness and a jab at Time’s forgotten timelines. He wouldn't even know how to seize the opportunity to be a hero of something if it showed up in front of him.

[heywriters]

how to make a tumblr post (and get notes!)

Have never seen any post discuss these exact things, so i'm sharing my insights with y'all*

Use images. They don't have to be good or spectacular like this extremely coherent thing I just made. They just need to catch the eye break up dashboard monotony.

The gif search feature is an unreliable wild card at best and a NSFW eye gouge at worst, but it gives credit to the op of the gif

If you're an artist your whole post is your images, so skip to the links and tags section of this post because the rest won't help much.

-> Image Descriptions

When making a post that contains images, hover over an image and click the meatballs icon in the lower right corner of the image. Click "update description" to add a description. It isn't always necessary, but it is very courteous for a variety of accessibility reasons.

-> Text

Break up your text. Run-on sentences are standard here, lack of punctuation too, you can really do whatever you want, but avoid massive blocks of text. unless you've got a really incendiary opening line and the entire center of that granite chunk of text is actually comedy gold, hard-hitting tumblr journalism, or one of those zany confessional posts that can be followed up by the drive thru meme

break up

your text.

and go light on the ALL CAPS. save it for emphasis or when you're feeling very unhinged or saRcAStiC y'know how that goes, i don't need to explain it. this site has a very dry tone to its posts so caps are rare. also periods

Bullet points and numbered posts are good and fine. The "Chat" post option is used less often these days, but different groups found uses for it so it sticks around.

Titles Matter

they help break up text and put people at ease. they are best for informative, mature posts but can make you look like a square in more relaxed conversations. sometimes they are also great for emphasis in a comedic sh*tpost (censorship is entirely up to you, btw. you don't have to censor much on tumblr except titties and genitals).

Tumblr automatically shortens long posts now, but etiquette asks that you tag #long post if you want to avoid clogging up someone's dash. It don't matter too much though, this is the "color of the sky" site, so get used to posts being too long

That being said "READ MORE" is a fantastic feature. Use it when you want some level of privacy like "hey, only click below if you want to hear about my problems" or "click below to read my 18+ fanfic." Read more is also great in case you want to delete something forever. If a reblogged post has a read more, but op deleted the og post, that content is gone (readmore has to be on the og post at time of posting for this to work, btw; edits to og post do not span all reblogs)

the other bells and whistles like colored font or italics are helpful in improving text, but we don't really rely on them. every mode of looking at this site alters those aspects somehow so we often ignore them

-> Links

Hint: People don't want to click links. We don't know where they're taking us. Most of us are on our phone and don't want to open another tab or leave the app to go on the browser. We're cozy here on Tumblr and do not wish to be whisked away (unless it's a rickroll)

Don't leave the link thumbnail to do all the work, like so

add a little sneak peak info, maybe your favorite line from the article or a reason why it's important for people to know the info on the other side of that link. Sell it!

When you're adding a link into a list, i.e. no large thumbnail just a line of text leading you to another site, try not to copy/paste the link as is

"https://......"

No one wants to click on that it's gross and scary. It's screams "meh, i'll click later if i feel like it." If the build up to the link is too good to resist ("if you want to save the orphaned puppies here's the link") then that http mess is sufficient.

Otherwise, dress your links up a little by including the title or a description of what the link goes to:

Or, if it's an informal post where you're just popping info in to back up whatever insane thing you just said, just write something like "link here" or "(x)" and hyperlink it.

-> Tags

artists, writers, and other creators: leave a tag on your creative content that makes it easy for blog visitors to see it all at once. e.g. "My work" and we click on that while on your blog and see only your works

You can have up to thirty tags on any post. All will make your post show up in searches and followed tags (it used to be only the first five tags that got you traction). However,

Please. Do not tag everything you can possibly imagine being relevant to your post because

It's called tag spam and it's against TOS

Everyone here hates that

No one is going to check all those tags ever. Someone might search one five years from now and accidentally find your post hanging out in the ether and they'll still ignore it.

Your imagination is wicked tiny because I guarantee the perfect tag is going to be something indecipherable and seemingly niche.

Follow popular tags (or at least be aware of them)

If yours is an off-the-cuff post and you don't have time to find out what a niche group is into then wing it, sure, idc. this is also the shitposting site do whatever you want

Don't put your hate in the fan tags. This is the unapologetically-like-dumb-things site and your negativity is not wanted. You can still complain, just avoid tagging to get the attention of the fans of whatever you're complaining about. That enables pvp and even nonfans will know you deserve the backlash

-> Audio & Video

clickable by nature because we all love noise and moving images so there's no special way to share posts like this. just post them with good tags and maybe a one-liner, and they'll sell themselves

Tip: it's nice to add descriptions to these too but it isn't common

Protip: if the audio is the best part of the video (e.g. a baby burps REALLY loudly and it's hilarious) please caption or tag "Unmute!"

-> mkay bye

that's all i can think of right now. will update later if i remember something

---

*this is year eleven of my time on tumbles and i studied marketing in college for like six of those years and have been applying that bupkis to tumblr ever since. every post i see that gets no traction and every lovely artist that goes nowhere on here bothers me so deeply and i sincerely want y'all to succeed <3 <3

+ If you find this helpful and want to support my blog, I have a ko-fi!

+ If you're concerned about my mental health from being on Tumblr so long and want to contribute to my "get better" fund, I have a ko-fi!

[acerikus]

G o d. All gekkos' outertale posting makes me wanna talk more in depth about the characterisation and plot issues in this game and why they bother me...

(readmore bc holy fuck this got long, it's probably like 5k words. It's also pretty much all salt, categorised by character)

Toriel

Why. Why is she like this. Kinda feels like the creator of the game hates her and if they don't, they have a weird way of showing it. She's treated as overdramatic and unjustified in her anger at asgore despite the fact that he DID declare war on humanity and he DID willingly let the people believe he was killing human children to harvest their souls. Even if he didn't do it for real in this game, she has every right to be angry and to not trust him, and it CERTAINLY doesn't make her undeserving to be a mother or whatever. Idk about you, but I don't think wanting kids to stay away from a man yelling about wanting to kill every child that crosses him makes you a bad parent, even if it turns out he didn't really hurt anyone y'know?

They also REALLY zoned in on 'mother' with her in a way that doesn't really make sense here. I could maybe see her feeling guilty for making a snap judgement but how would that call her motherhood into question?

Sans saying isolation messed with her makes no sense too!!!! The outerlands or whatever they called the ruins isn't sealed off in this game, other monsters seem way less intimidated by her in this game than in undertale (she has friends! She knows sans by name and goes to napstablook's shows and even has their phone number!), and we outright get told she takes the taxi to get her groceries... Meaning she headed off to the rest of the outpost and probably does that often enough.

All things considered, Toriel seems fairly well adjusted in outertale, at least by outertale standards. Kinda then makes it feel like everyone's just trying to convince her she's hysterical and that... Sucks.

Also the fact that they added an ending where you stay with her and framed it as a bad ending that doomed everyone is... Really mean? It sucked ass I'm sorry :/

Sans

... Why is he like this. This take on Sans is absolutely infuriating tbh. The only positive I really have here is that his puns are kinda good, I've seen fangames that fuck up this element massively and it was kinda fun to see his interactions in starton.

Okay, back to salt. His whole 'i became a sentry to help humans' thing is trash. He didn't care about that in ut! He didn't care about that at all! The only reason he looks out for frisk is because he made a promise to toriel, and he hates breaking promises. He didn't want to let down his friend.

...Huh. realising this is yet another case of Toriel disrespect somehow. Yet another thing they took from her, that they then just... Handed over to sans instead. :/

His lack of backstory. Look, I get wanting something silly, but they took almost everything that makes sans interesting away. Not hyperfocusing on sans like certain aus do is nice, but it feels like in a lot of situations in this game they overcompensated by a long shot.

No mysterious past/origins. We know he worked with alphys I guess but???? Honestly I have a LOT to rant about for that part so I'll leave it for twinkly's section. And yet despite all this, Sans inexplicably bleeds in tpe when not even undertale has that happen? Make up your mind!

His role in non Asriel chaotic also... Sucks ass. I'm in a pretty awesome corner of the fandom in terms of the people I follow and the takes I see as a result, so if I'm honest, when I saw all those posts about 2024 fanon sans being indifferent to his brother's murder, I kinda just figured they were vaguing about this game. You're telling me that sans of all people just shrugs off you killing everyone and complains a little bit before letting you pass?! He should know alphys already ran off. He should know the only person left to stop you is asgore, and that it's obvious he won't. Part of this could be connected to how frisk is written perhaps, and much like the twinkly situation, I'll have much more to say on that further down.

I understand the creator didn't wanna have a sans fight in their game - however, if that's the case... Maybe come up with a reason for him to NOT show up in the last corridor, then? Have him busy helping with evacuations or something, or already dead like in the first chaotic ending... This was just sloppy.

Papyrus

Honestly he wasn't... Terrible. The phonecalls were fun even if most were cheap references (though they can be fun in fangames sometimes so I'm not mad at this lol). Him being extremely talented at making spaghetti is just one symptom of one of this game's biggest flaws, however. I really don't like how nobody's really allowed to be bad at anything or have any real struggles in this game - especially when spaghetti in undertale is used to demonstrate his relationship with undyne and the similar wavelength they're on when humans aren't involved. She's the one who started teaching him to cook it, it's deeply intertwined with his desire to be a royal guard, and it's something they suck at together. Him just inexplicably being good at it is... Weird, and feels really disconnected from their friendship and her reluctance to let him in the guard yknow?

Also: his boss final phase. Having the dog NOT take his special attack away this time was really funny admittedly but... Idk? Not only is the fight really unfair for pacifist/neutral and those who aren't as good at the game (ut never gets this hard outside of geno), it feels way too on the nose in terms of insisting he's strong and has powerful attacks. Undertale didn't need to overcompensate to get across that papyrus is strong and disciplined and the way you have to infer that in undertale is way cooler. I might just be nitpicking with this point tbh but it's whatever. Letting myself be a hater for once.

And don't get me started on him getting together with Mettaton. It seemed to come out of absolutely nowhere, the idea that they were already friends in this was glossed over really quickly and no time was really put into developing the relationship save for papyrus commenting on finding him attractive every few minutes.

Gotta be honest, I've never been a fan of this ship nor understood its popularity. Papyrus very briefly mentions thinking he's attractive in undertale, but it doesn't really go anywhere and I'm not even sure mettaton knows he exists. It feels like it was just kinda added because it's a popular ship and that's it, not sure it really contributes much to either of their arcs. It was a light-hearted celebrity crush in canon and never really tried to be more.

Oh, oops. Had more to say here than I thought.

Undyne

Not much to say here... I think she was okay, there's nothing super bad with her. I do think the way gerson kinda downplays her/lacks faith in her in the chaotic route kinda sucks and I think choosing to make her non-undying chaotic bossfight harder sure was A Choice, but it's whatever. Undying was weirdly easy in a way that didn't do her much justice. Honestly they didn't do enough with her for me to have a wall of complaints and I can't tell if that's a good thing or not. Her relationship with alphys didn't really amount to much and her lack of understanding of human culture doesn't really hit as hard when she's just talking about random sci-fi things that we have no way of knowing are real or not in this game's idea of the 2600s ourselves, y'know? Her love of anime (that she mistakenly thinks is human history) is pretty absent here except to validate her relationship with alphys in a very shallow way.

The Ghost Family

Hoo boy... Was gonna make this the mettaton section, but I wanted to talk about napstablook at the same time, so I'm just gonna lump them all together.

What. What the hell was this plotline.

It feels like they tried to go for 'smalltime farmer chases passion for stardom after feeling unfulfilled at home' and as I've seen someone else say, 'shy business owner struggles to talk to their cousin outside of work'. This would've been fine tbh, but... There's a lot of things in the execution of this that kinda grossed me out if I'm honest. I don't think they were intentional, but I think it could've been thought through a lot better to avoid some unfortunate implications - or even lean into them in a respectful way.

Firstly, the ghost family intervention was pretty long, awkward, and didn't feel like it really added much - especially when most people playing would already know mettaton's backstory anyway (and his house is still accessible like in undertale!!!!! What was the point?)

Mettaton airing out his family issues on live TV feels very ooc - he keeps that stuff very close to his chest and I doubt he'd like it getting out. Him entertaining any of that out in the open seems... Weird.

Speaking of the intervention, his cousins' treatment of him was horrifying! Part of it seems intentional and it's nice that there's at least one part in the game where characters are allowed to have flaws and do bad things but... There's also elements that feel like you're meant to agree with them? Their insistence that mettaton just come home and everything they did in the past with constantly badgering him to come and help out on the farm were rightfully treated as something that hurt mettaton's feelings and that gave napstablook and the others pause. That's (mostly, we'll come back to it later) fine. He called them out for it and they reflected on it, cool. The way his ghost form was utilised makes me extremely uncomfortable, however.

Napstablook talks about hearing 'the real [mettaton]' in the recording, right to his face, 'the real mettaton' in this scenario alluding to his ghost form. Considering mettaton is a trans allegory, this feels... Kinda gross? In a similar vein, when passing mettaton's quiz barriers, one of the questions is 'what is mettaton's true identity' and you have the option to deadname him (using a name papyrus literally just made up in undertale rather than having any kind of creativity ofc) Alphys' reaction is simply to ask how you know that which... Doesn't feel great. The correct answer is 'mettaton' ofc thankfully, but everything around this particular plot point feels weird. Maybe don't do that w the most prevalent trans allegory character..?

And ofc, they keep insisting he just come home, go back to working on the farm, go back to his family... Idk, gives me vibes of someone abandoning their shitty transphobic family and then insisting they want to see 'the real [deadname] again' and for them to abandon their new life and just go back to the way things were before. Not good.

All of this would still be okay for the most part since the ghost family are painted as being unfair to mettaton... But in true pacifist, he goes back to helping out with the farm anyway and talks about how he thinks he was probably just being dramatic after all, and how 'blooky didn't do anything that bad'

... What?

It takes me right back to Toriel's treatment. Napstablook, Maddie and lurksalot gave no real thought to mettaton's feelings, made it all about them and showed pretty much no support for his transition nor his career! Fuck those guys! It's funny - mettaton is pretty consistently a pompous asshole (affectionate) in undertale but here, I think all his feelings towards his family were COMPLETELY valid. Mettaton outertale didn't do anything wrong.

Lurksalot didn't feel like they contributed much to the story either, save to be yet another character treating mettaton like shit with zero consequences nor narrative judgement. They just made every ghost family event even more drawn out.

And then ofc!!!! Mettaton and Alphys' friendship is so bland in this game! They're two people who kinda know each other and she says some nice things about him in a letter in chaotic but that's about it. Their friendship and the subsequent conflict frisk's arrival brings to it in undertale is the heart of hotland and the core, but here it's just replaced with unnecessary, hard to watch, boring family drama. The two of them have no issues to work out. She doesn't ask too much of him. There's no funny quips and barely any chemistry at all. God forbid either of them have any real flaws.

One last thing: I'm glad maddie gets her mew mew body, it's nice. Wish it was an on-screen moment or something alluded to more though. Some of that time dragging out the family drama could've been used on that instead, y'know? Especially with napstablook getting the mew mew doll... Genuinely thought they were gonna show it to her when they first got hold of it, rather than dragging Frisk into their intervention. She should've gotten to be more mad, too. Kinda a big part of her identity.

Oh, and mettaton's no-asriel chaotic fight was bullshit. It was a nice spamton reference and the first phase was cool, but the second was utter bullshit and dragged out the fight way too long. Attacking him after snapping all the wires should've killed him im sorry. It's even more of a shame bc I genuinely really liked this game's mettaton neo fight - it was fun and creative and felt possible.

Holding myself back from adding any more to this bc I could go on and on, ugh.

Alphys

Alphys. For a game that tries to make her the star of it, it's actually kinda impressive how much they managed to take away from her and just how uninteresting she is in this game.

At the surface level she's awesome, powerful, and the star of the show. In my first playthrough I was actually pretty happy to see her thriving like this! The more routes I played and the more I thought about it though they just kinda... Declawed her. Took away all her flaws. Made her 'perfect' in a way that I don't think works at all.

The amalgamates never happened. None of her experiments went wrong. She never hid away from her mistakes, or lied to anyone (save for keeping Asgore's secret, which she has no negative feelings about), nor did she over engineer any situations to make herself seem cooler. She doesn't argue with Mettaton! She's confident and assertive! She's Asgore's right hand woman and next in line for the throne! And ofc, the badass final boss! What's not to love?

...But none of this is Alphys, is it?

Her anxiety isnt just because of the determination experiments, it's pretty clear she's always been a pretty shy and nervous person. In fact, based on her entries they were one of the things she was more confident in before it all went wrong. People are hard, but she knows science, y'know?

She doesn't get to be flawed or interesting - despite her presence, she's just a generic cool scientist who's suave with the ladies, I guess..?

She isn't particularly dorky, shes overly confident, she has zero issues to work through. Her relationship with undyne is perfect (derogatory) and her infodumping about anime just before the archive feels very forced, like they remembered last minute that she does that and thought it should be included somehow.

Depicting what she'd be like in a scenario where the determination experiments never happened is a fun and interesting idea! But deltarune demonstrates how to do that well, and I think they completely missed the mark. The way she talks, her body language, the way she acts around others in general... These things are universal constants and yet in outertale, she's basically a different person entirely.

Outertale alphys isn't allowed to lie (save to cover for asgore Secretly Being A Good Person), she isn't allowed to miscalculate, she isn't allowed to mis-speak or make mistakes or do anything she'd regret. She feels like an alphys written by someone who hates her in canon and thinks all her flaws make her terrible and unlikable. I doubt this is the case since I don't think a person like that would've given her such prevalence, but that's the level of love and attention I feel was given to her writing here. It makes me sad.

And, of course... The DT experiments and her fight.

... Why did she have vials of determination if all the humans are alive? Did she take it from them? If so, was this before or after they went into stasis? We know she's not been the royal scientist for long in relation to how long humans have been falling, so did ROMAN take the determination? How much of this did she even DO?

Why did she and sans even DO anything with determination? It... Doesn't really make sense.

Speaking of determination, why did she melt at the end of her fight? I'd assume she's injected herself with determination as one of the vials in her lab is mentioned to be partially used, but I'm pretty sure it's also like this on pacifist. Was that overlooked? Are we just meant to assume it's MORE depleted? Does she just have natural determination now because She's So Cool And Badass? This isn't even really a complaint about the fight, more just how poorly that part of her lab is handled lmao

But getting into her fight... Idk, it didn't really feel like her. A lot of it was just random bullshit that was hard for the sake of being hard, that didn't really seem to be tied to her identity very well at all. People complain a lot about the Zenith Martlet fight in undertale yellow but that's done far better than this, imo. It clearly reflects martlet's character, personality and canonical bullet patterns (we see Alphys' in ut tpe!), there's a genuine feeling of progression in the fight and the act you're given to help with the fight feels more effective - you can still damage her on her turn, so taking a turn to heal act doesn't feel like a waste. The Asriel acts though... They just don't last long enough to feel that worth it? Sure they're okay, but in general, you get a lot less time to breathe. Martlet's fight lets you retry from phase 2 if you die. Sans' in undertale gives you as many turns as you need to heal while he's sparing you. Alphys' fight just feels like it's made to feel un-fun and painful throughout in a way that just isn't worth it, and doesn't really feel like it fits her personality either, y'know? The fight was just a slog and like many others, I had zero motivation to finish it legit. I don't think it helps that the undyne and mettaton fights in this route are fairly easy and simple in comparison.

Tldr: they took away everything that makes alphys endearing, fun and interesting. This isn't alphys at all.

Asgore

A huge chunk of this essay accidentally got deleted, including my first attempt at writing this section. In it, I mentioned that the Asgore apologism went way too far.

This time though, I don't think I'd even call it that. Reflecting on it, it feels less like an attempt to defend him and more like a way to hate on and spite Toriel.

Seriously. So much of his character basically just feels like someone going 'fuck you toriel. I'm giving EVERYTHING to asgore.'

It's... Really weird?

Asgore having a way out of killing humans is an interesting concept! Outertale takes place 500 years in the future compared to undertale, so the idea that they have the resources and technology to do that is kinda cool and in theory, exploring this idea sounds really fun. In practice though, it feels like it was mostly done to make Toriel out to be an asshole for no reason and to laugh at her for ever assuming he would've really killed anyone (despite... Y'know. Telling everyone that's what he was doing.)

He just. Completely moved on from Toriel without a second thought seemingly, and doesn't even look that affected by seeing her turn up again - meanwhile SHE'S got crumpled up tea recipes in the trash and all the Sad Divorced Energy - it doesn't really fit either of them! Toriel wasn't really given a reason to miss him like that, and I think even if he DID fully move on, he'd be way happier to see her than that.

All his leading statements on how she must feel in LV1 pacifist sucked ass also, especially with the way she kinda just agreed that yeah, she feels like shit for not trusting that he'd suddenly do a 180 and not hurt anyone (AGAIN. AFTER HE CONTINUED TO LET EVERYONE BELIEVE THIS) and that she must feel unworthy of being a mother. She hadn't even said half of this in front of him yet! He put words in her mouth! That in itself would be fine (social blunders are pretty normal for asgore after all) but it... Wasn't treated like that. It was handled as if this was a sweet and compassionate thing for him to say which... Yikes.

And ofc he gets to adopt frisk, and monster kid, and get to have Asriel live with him! His fatherhood is never called to question in undertale, but ofc Toriel's motherhood has to be here. Hell, despite their divorced status, if you talk to gerson in tpe it's highly implied frisk asks if asgore would start aging again if he became their dad! Idk, all of this part just reeked of Toriel hate and nothing more. Asgore is just yet another character to get sanded down and de-clawed and it sucks. So much of what makes him interesting is his mistakes and flaws and how they impact him, y'know?

Twinkly

I wanna start this by saying I don't think his writing is too bad. It's not amazing by any means but by outertale standards, he's one of the better written characters. That being said, Flowey is my favourite character of all time so I'm still gonna be critical.

So they did save the goat. Save the goat aus really aren't my thing nowadays - I feel like so often people act like he's a separate person to Flowey entirely and act like the alarm clock app dialogue doesn't exist. Asriel didn't end the story as a doomed tragedy fated to fade away! Flowey ended the story as someone who finally got closure on the loss of his best friend, and can finally learn to move on, even if it takes him a while to adjust. I don't think he needs to be a goat again for that.

That being said, I know these kinda aus are a big wish fulfilment thing for a lot of the fandom that aren't even necessarily something people want to be canon as much as they just wanna explore the idea and see him truly happy, so I won't judge that element too harshly. People are allowed to have fun, and I think save the goat can be fine if it respects him as flowey rather than separating them.

I really like that they allow Asriel to be fucked up and an asshole rather than him soft rebooting into some Sweet Perfect Little Prince once he returns to his old form, like so many other save the goat takes. Even in lv0's ending he struggles to bite back insults and mean comments aimed at Monster Kid which is... Admittedly kinda refreshing! There's definitely some flowey (or I guess in this case, twinkly) behaviour that still comes through here and I'm glad. This carried over to chaotic, too. While his characterisation wasn't perfect, this at least felt like twinkly obtaining a few form and continuing to play with the world, rather than your standard Asriel take. I also really liked that he remembers and acknowledges chaotic if done before pacifist, that was neat and adds to his character (as far as this game goes) I think.

However, onto the biggest, glaring issue I have with him.

Why. Why does he exist.

No, seriously.

In its attempt to make the world perfect, a world that blatantly only exists so the creator could make a save the goat ending, mind, there's no reason for the goat to need to be saved at all. Nor for him to exist after dying back when Chara lived with the dreemurrs.

Asgore isn't killing humans, so the souls don't need to be absorbed by anyone. Frisk can just enter the archive and lend their power to destroy the forcefield themselves, so there's no ultimatum like there is in undertale - there's no implied tradeoff of Frisk's life for the freedom of monsters without twinkly's intervention. In undertale, flowey's messing around opened up an ending that would've otherwise been impossible, something that worked for everyone.

Without him existing at all here, frisk could've broken the barrier just fine. All it really added to pacifist was a couple extra boss fights and asgore being dead for two minutes. And him being saved I guess but again, there's no real story justification for him being here EXCEPT to pat yourself on the back for saving him.

Why was he created? In undertale it's pretty clear - they wanted a vessel to hold all the souls in for now during the true lab experiments. He exists because Alphys selected the first flower to ever grow in the garden and injected it with determination that she extracted from the human souls.

... But all the humans are... Alive and well in outertale? They don't need a vessel to contain their souls. They don't need to extract any determination from anyone. Again, why do they HAVE vials of determination? And why did she inject one into a flower?

AND THAT'S THE OTHER BIG THING. It's established she and sans injected a starling flower for... Whatever reason. SO WHY THE HELL IS TWINKLY A CARTOON STAR?!

This point makes absolutely no sense at all. He looks absolutely nothing like a starling flower nor does he behave like a flower at all, which is confusing if that's what he started as. Honestly, I think it would've made more sense to just keep him as Flowey if they were gonna include him at all, and just have his appearance reflect a starling flower instead of a golden flower.

This applies to his fight too. Mechanically I think it's AWESOME, but the visuals are... Just very very boring. A huge part of why his fight in the original is so good it's the bizarre and chaotic nature of it, the horror elements, and the way so much of flowey's trauma in terms of how he was created and the things he finds scary was put on blast for all to see. The combination of mechanical and organic elements, all the plants and insects... Idk, just going 'hmm he's a star. Let's have him go through a star life cycle' is boring, there's no visual appeal.

If his creation is so vague and wishy washy, this would've been a great opportunity to flesh it out more. How was he created? What kinds of technology and machinery did alphys use to put all this together? How did she (or roman????? unclear) get the determination? What does twinkly remember?

That leads me onto a tangentially related topic - his trauma. I... Don't think this was shown very well. He talks a bit about BEING traumatised from the lab, but telling isn't the same as showing and canon flowey is terrible at hiding it, whereas I'd just as easily believe outertale Asriel made it up for sympathy points. He never really projects, he doesn't force anyone else to experience anything like he did, nothing like that. He's just a cocky asshole who likes killing, and who eventually decides to start being nice.

This game constantly seemed to be speedrunning ways to get him from being twinkly to being Asriel as quickly as possible in almost every single route which... Huh???? It's weird. Would've been nice to let him be a star more rather than just Asriel...

(final amendment bc I lost a huge chunk of this essay originally and had to rewrite it, and I'm realising I didn't manage to fit this in this time... How does a single monster soul let him get his Asriel form again? Sure he's still treated as if soulless and it doesn't make him a good person, but if he was 'so tired of being a star', why hadn't he tried doing this sooner? It makes no sense...)

For a game that exists to give him a good ending, it's so ironic how little he needs to exist at all in this world. Just goes to show what it looks like when you go too far with 'fixing' things or removing stuff you seem 'too problematic' for the sake of being wholesome or whatever.

Chara

Speaking of which... Look I'm just gonna say it. This version of Chara sucks so bad.

Chara is one of my favourite characters - they're really interesting, morally grey, and a fascinating way for undertale as a game to interface with us as players.

They're a child who likely saw the worst of humanity, then found themselves in a home with family who genuinely loved them once they fell down and met the monsters. Their intense saviour complex made them feel like the best way to help their family was to sacrifice their own life to get enough souls to break them free (and once they realised they had control, get payback against the humans while they were at it). They could be mean-spirited and a prankster. They valued efficiency HIGHLY. Their favourite number was nine because it's the limit, the absolute, a way to stop hurting and to stop others hurting.

And by doing geno, you can push this fixation on stats further. Max out all your stats. Gain power. Get stronger. Become invincible. Nobody can hurt any more if the world is gone. And ofc, they stand as the final arbiter of consequences for the player. Your punishment for killing everyone and for pushing them into believing it needs to be completed. Chara both IS is and is separate from us in a way that can't really be fully disentangled and it's really, really cool.

Anyway, enough gushing about undertale Chara. What's outertale Chara in comparison?

... Nothing.

They're nothing.

Outertale Chara narrates occasionally. They're a ghost that follows frisk around, but aren't confined to that, and have been actively wandering the underground since their death. They also still have a SOUL for some reason? This part doesn't really make sense at all.

Other than sacrificing themself and maybe wanting to take out a few humans after Asriel absorbs them, they don't do anything that could be considered bad ever. The most devious thing they ever do is snatch Asriel's diary to leave a silly comment in there when they first arrive at the outpost (sans does this with Toriel's phone in undertale tpe for comparison lmao). Despite what Asriel seems to believe, Chara is completely absent from the chaotic route - never getting corrupted, never caring about our stats, never wanting to hurt anyone, never even trying to make us face any consequences. They're just... Not here. For a character so prevalent in the murder based route of undertale this is fucking wild.

They all but vanish if you so much as say something slightly mean to someone, too! It's strange, makes no sense, and just like with sans, it feels like they overcompensated waaaaaaay too much for the people who insist they're evil. On top of that, if you do chaotic before lv0, they don't even remember chaotic happening! They'd may as well have just been a member of the ghost family who likes following Frisk around when they're especially nice. Like Asgore and alphys, they've been sanded down and de-clawed to be 'wholesome' and 'perfect', and it just results in a bland, boring character who loses anything that made them interesting, nuanced and fun.

'Chara wasn't the greatest person'... Why, though? They don't have enough substance in this game for that line to really have as much impact.

Frisk

I'm gonna be honest - I actually ADORED their frisk at first, and I think that's because I started with a neutral run and ended up drawing them a lot. They felt silly and mischievous and interesting, and this continued into chaotic. They seem pretty chill with what's going on but then take that even further by being hilariously affectionate with Asriel and still doing silly things like being up for picking up the electrodampening fluid or drinking directly out of the fountain. They felt like a funny little mini-kris (save for being okay with all the murder ofc).

Then uhhhhhhh... That's when I experienced the second chaotic ending, the one without Asriel, as well as lv0. I feel like they definitely DID try to lean on the Kris angle on purpose in terms of their feelings on being controlled and stuff but it???? Just doesn't work very well? There's no ambiguity to this version of frisk once you've seen all the routes. Just like EVERYONE ELSE, they're just a perfect little angel who would never do anything wrong and anything past lv0 is just the eeeeeevil player influence or whatever. Come on, we have deltarune for that kinda approach to control 😭 (though even then, Kris is a layered and interesting character who isn't goodness and innocence personalised, and that's why they're cool)

In undertale, we have no idea what frisk is like as a person. WOULD they spare everyone without our influence? Would they kill? Would they be a scared child lashing out in self defense? Would they run from everything, then give up and let themselves die permanently somewhere? We just don't know! We're not supposed to know! It feels like it went back to the very early fandom interpretation where frisk is Good And Sweet and Innocent while Chara is evil incarnate - except this time they're BOTH the former.

It's a contradiction too! Why in the Asriel chaotic route are they so down to follow him, and pet him, and hug him every chance they get if they don't like all the stuff we're making them so? The player has no influence over Twinkly. Every single thing he did, he chose to do, and yet even if the only time frisk has seen him was him destroying their mercy button and forcing them to kill for him, they seem to love him to pieces and go along with whatever he says happily. What.

I feel like they didn't know what to do with Frisk here at all and it shows.

Other characters

This has been ridiculously long, but to quickly go over non-major characters... They did very few things to make Roman seem interesting, the amount of stuff hes implied to have helped Asgore with just reduces even further any influence or impact alphys had, and (a smaller nitpick)... Why didn't he use times new roman as a font when we DID see him speak in the archive/on the signal stars? It's such a missed opportunity...

Burgerpants was fun... Kinda. Developing him like this feels like something that should've happened DURING the actual game rather than before it though because it made him feel like a whole other person entirely? The poisoned food was very funny though.

Why is Snowy now Stardrake when his dad hasn't changed at all and Crystal looks like any other snowdrake? That was bizarre.

I actually really liked the humans! Establishing them as actual characters was really fun, and I especially like justice. Justice, at least in my opinion, is probably the most interesting character in this whole game tbh - someone who tried to do good but ultimately caused more harm than good, while NOT downplaying it, showing the consequences directly, and showing them work to try to make things better. The way we don't grab their item like the others in the twinkly fight nor go through an area for them in the archive (and just talk to them instead) really adds to their intrigue - what are they like? Who did they know? Is there something they don't want us to see? How are they strong enough to not need us to grab their weapon at all to lend their help? I think it's get funny that the only character I'm fully praising is the clover-adjacent one. Justice outertale they could never make me hate you

(that being said... seeing the way this game is clearly just supposed to be a 'fix' for undertale does sour my thoughts on the humans a little. did they only do this bc they thought them NOT being full characters in ut was bad/a problem with it? 🥴 This applies to the additional monster kid story focus too).

Speaking of monster kid... Them being an orphan was clearly just a plot device to give asgore more kids and therefore feel like he won more than Toriel. Monster kid in undertale seems like they probably did have real and loving parents, and they have a sister too!!!! Would've been nice if they'd at least done something with their sister :(

This got... Way longer than I expected, so I'll stop here. But outertale definitely gave me an even bigger appreciation for other ut fangames. My gripes with deltatraveler section 3 feel much smaller in comparison now, if tsus misses the mark on Flowey later down the line they've at least already done most characters so much more justice, and it really puts into perspective all the heart and soul that went into kissy cutie, as well as its genuine love got the source material and characters.

Sorry outertale, you weren't for me. That being said, if anyone disagrees with any of this then that's fine! These are all just my opinions and feelings on it after going through all the routes and talking about it with friends. Media is always gonna resonate with different people in different ways and that's a good thing! If your perspective on any of this is different and if you had way more fun with it, I'm glad you did and I genuinely wish I could've felt the same. I feel like at the very least, making it has probably been a great learning experience for the devs and I really hope they carry on making games and improving their skills. Hope y'all are thriving and having fun regardless 💙

[ouroborosorder]

OK but when you're free of all the other obligations and able to do it can we get the Ines skin writeup anyway because I liked the Eine Variation one and why do they keep giving Caprinae ops skin like this do they just hate goats at hypergryph or what

Okay so I got this ask a month and a half ago and am just now getting to responding to it. In that time, I got a job as a professional VFX artist so my opinion means double what it did before. So that's fun! Respect me and bow to me, peasants.

I wrote a massively long writeup here and then my page refreshed and I lost all of it twice. Let's speedrun this shit, alright? (She says, immediately writing a 5 page unhinged rant.)

This skin sucks because of the exact opposite reason Eine Variation does, it's just too fucking detailed for its own good.

...Also what the fuck is that in the background is that a goddamned alien spaceship has anyone else noticed this?? This is a bloodline of combat skin this is canon does ines just fight aliens at some point what the FUCK?

Anwyay VFX in the readmore.

Deploy animation. I hate you. I hate this. I hate it.

It's rare I get to see an entire skin's mistakes in microcosm like this! That's fun!

This is so detailed that it actually ceases to have any real shape or identity. This doesn't look like shadow, because skins can just. Change character lore to make something look cool yes I'm still mad. Is it stars? That would explain the weird yellow dots, and there are stars in the art. Fire? No, it's not actually fire, there'd be fire here. Burning fabric? It only looks like that if I squint and zoom in, but I can't... think of anything else.

The colors are so awful. The way that there is a hard line between the dark lavender and the scarlet which then fades into orange is. A choice. I would not have made. At all. In any way. Ever. At any point. Also the random dots of yellow are very funny because they are so clearly just random pixels of yellow. Some of them even aren't in the orange, so they're just like, highlights that have decided to break out of the highlighted areas. Did they.. want this to look like her burning dress? In which case, why are they.. blue? Her dress is black with orange embers, I don't GET IT.

Also small thing but it has a drop shadow, but like. She's literally in all black until she fully appears. And the swirling ribbons are dark-colored. There's no worry about them not standing out against a light background. Is that just supposed to look like she's surrounded by shadow if that's the case then why isn't the rest of this shadow AGH.

This looks weirdly... JPEG compressed??? Like, you can kiiinda see it in the big version, but if I shrink this down to phone resolution...

GOOD LORD SHE'S BEEN DEEP-FRIED.

S1 is good. I like it. It's simple, elegant. Good use of colors, and I think the impact looks great, good use of red and orange to create visual interest. Not gonna bother to screenshot it, it's not that interesting NEXT

S2!

Stop it. Stop it. Put a few colors away. I am counting 8 distinct colors in this one swing alone, and then two more for Ines herself. Stop it. That is too many colors. Add less colors.

I don't even see what the colors are there FOR. Are they selling the tip of the swing? That's not right, because the red highlights start at the tip, then swirl inwards until the red is in the inner part.

I do actually think this one is a lot better at actual resolution.

It's still too detailed, and that detail ends up being crunched and not really... serving any purpose in the grand scheme of the effect, but I do think it is... better. It makes it more clearly light on the outside, dark on the inside.

Also I hate the ends of this swing. I hate it. Why is one a perfect circle that's been stretched out and the other end a rectangle that's fading out. Why is that how you did this. This effect looks like two different swings that have been stapled together like goddamned Catdog.

BUT WHEN IT FADES IT HAS AN INKBRUSH LOOK SO WHAT IS THIS EFFECT.

Why not lean into the burning dress look? Have it be a black trail that like, burns away when it fades? That would be STUNNING, anything but. Whatever is happening here. Mrgrgr okay fine it can't get worse right

DEAR READER. I PRESENT. S3. THE CULMINATION OF EVERY SINGLE PROBLEM.

So this IS a stars theme after all. This IS stars? Just wanna make sure we're all on the same fucking page here.

Dear reader. I hate this. So fucking much. This may be, and I do truly mean this, the worst piece of VFX I have ever seen in any game. This doesn't read as a piece of VFX in an anime game, it reads like the background of a YA fantasy novel's cover.

The nebula doesn't move. It's static. It is clearly just a jpeg. It's not even doing the Chowder screen-space orientation thing. It's just. There. Inescapable.

The comet itself just. Ends. It doesn't fade out or taper. It just. Stops. There's barely any anti-aliasing here. It's just a hard line between the comet and the background.

Ines herself is surrounded by identical dark lavender and orange energy, so there's no visible difference between the effect and herself. Sure. It's not going to be onscreen long anyway. Who cares.

The center of the comet is bright white as if it's the highlight of the effect, but it's... it's off-center?? so it's ultimately... Highlighting something. is it highlighting the sword? Is it supposed to be a haze that shows you the sword? But it doesn't look like it because it took me 15 minutes while writing this to realize that the sword was there at all because it's the same orange color as all the other highlights and so it gets eaten. If your highlight color stops drawing my eye, then you've fucked up because that is literally what a highlight color is supposed to do. Where am I supposed to look at this thing, where is the focus, the shape?

It's even funnier that the blade leaves a little cartoony goofy team rocket blink when it leaves, before immediately turning into whatever public domain NASA star image they're using for the comet. A real glimpse into what it would look like if Spiderverse sucked ass. (I do like the blink itself tho, a small little blue haze to add color and contrast against light backgrounds, smart touch.)

Explosion sucks. Suddenly they decide the palette is something entirely different. Where did the yellow come from. Yellow isn't even on the art. I guess when your palette is that big, you can change them up how you want. I would actually like this effect if it was slightly less detailed and in a skin that had actually used this pallette. It reminds me a bit of Specter the Laurentina. But with this level of detail and these colors... This somehow looks more like a YA book cover. A Sword of Goats and Stars. Fuck me I hate it.

I almost like this buff uptime indicator, It's just that the red from the swords fades into the orange on her dress and makes the whole thing muddy. Also she has an actual roiling flame behind her LMAO GET DUNKED ON HOEDERER THAT'S RIGHT I WILL DUNK ON HIM EVERY TIME EVEN THIS PIECE OF TRASH HAS ONE UP ON THE HOE LMAOOOOO

(In fact I actually... think this might be a recurring texture? It looks familiar, but I can't pin down from where. This is a bad screenshot for showing it but I'm not bothering to get a new one. This is my mental breakdown and I get to choose the visual aids.)

Anyway, maybe I'm being mean. After all I'm criticizing an effect for being too detailed when I am actively zooming in and looking at the details. So let's shrink down to the resolution of my phone just to see how it would-

Ah.

Final Ouroboros VFX ranking: A jpeg compressed photo of a wizard airbrushed on a van / 18 Originium Prime. Actually wait no that sounds too cool. Uh. The wizard is also racefaking. Now it's no longer cool. Nailed it.

[venacoeurva]

Want some Corprus thoughts and headcanons while I take a coffee break

Putting under a readmore since I ramble

You know how Concept Art Dagoth is doing some weird flesh manipulation with his hand and his muscles n shit are just slippin out? and the patterning on his other arm just kinda. looks like he can unravel. Maybe if he wanted to, he could drop the humanoid body and just be a funky flesh mass thing a la final boss mode 2 or something? Fun to think about, I explored it a little with my Longoth Ur stuff.

Yeah anyway, what if the Nerevarine could do that, but to a lesser degree after they seek out treatment and the more dangerous aspects are subdued, particularly if you follow the idea of them actually being Nerevar's reincarnation and having Azura on their side actively helping and not just everyone going "huh sure" and improvising?

Following the idea that Corprus is a divine disease mortals just can't handle, and it's a display of controlling it. People who aren't ~worthy~ basically turn into your standard corprusbeast, and I like to think Ascended Sleepers basically detonate into an explosion of flesh (whose screams become almost musical once more of the tentacles start replacing where their mouth was) once they hit a certain point of transformation (enlightenment!) as well. Maybe the higher on the hierarchy of who can handle it they can sort of retain a body that's more... normal looking and not teratomas to the max with your arteries deciding they want to be outside of you.

In my Nerevarine's case, most of the remaining effects are internal, with his left leg deteriorating during and after the plot of the game resulting in an eventual above the knee amputation and his internal organs are a little wonky (besides some damage he has like 2 extra kidneys, notably). I like to play with the idea that he has some flesh manipulation abilities, too, he's just not aware of them and they're more or less just subconscious, but they giving him an ability to "link into" his prosthetics, letting him to develop prosthetics like a leg from taproots that resemble a spriggan's flesh and function as if it were a normal leg, kind of like a leg transplant, and connects to his tissues. He's preferential to that one since it comes with less discomfort of more standard ones. I also think the ability gives his flesh a little more leeway in his werewolf transformations being a little less taxing on the body since he kinda just has more... stretch? and adaptability.

I also think it works against the Nerevarine, though, even once it's technically asymptomatic, even if they're aware of it and developed a whatever control they could over it... or maybe they try to ignore it. This would vary by who they are. In Wren's case, it keeps him alive when he's passively trying to die (he hates being immortal), and his left arm tends to do its own thing sometimes in the presence of other people/entities with/involved with Corprus or the Sixth House, which is a denial of his sense of autonomy--Something Wren is terrified of losing and loathes the Nerevarine prophecy for already stripping him of it in a sense.

It's a fun idea, and I think we should play with it within our own Nerevarines and if you have any Sixth House OCs, in particular, get wild, get funky, maybe they can also yoink their arm muscles out from under the skin to be tentacles, I dunno! It's your house!

[theweirderstuffblogdontlook]

Got two fanfics below the readmore, and a closing comic strip at the end of the fanfic showing what happens afterwards. So make sure to at least scroll to the bottom!

Sitting at the bar, a gay bar mostly frequented by lesbians which they had visited without incident a few times prior, Caprica alternated between sipping a drink, looking at her phone, and keeping an eye on Bob. Bob being currently disguised as Barbra, her "girlfriend" and former truck driver from out of town who’s been recovering from a car accident at her house.

It seemed everything was going pretty well. Bob's done a good job not being too suspicious and not breaking character, so she's been exploiting the bar over the past couple of days to keep Bob busy, and give herself a break from having the undivided attention of her obsessive stalker.

Though the unfortunate (in her opinion) trade off of being in a public location, is that sometimes people other than Bob will also take the initiative to bother her.

Case in point, as a lady sat in a barstool beside her, gesturing to get her attention and get Caprica to lean in a bit closer.

Saying in a bit of a hushed tone

"Hey, sorry to bother ya honey, but I figured I'd ask you instead. But Barbara's a Trans woman right?"

Oh… guess they clocked Bob. Still, that's a lot better than assuming he's a notorious criminal hiding out in disguise. 

She rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly.

"Uhhhhh…. Yeah. She… uhhh, she'd rather not talk about it."

"Yeah I understand. Just figured I'd ask since we've got a support group coming up, in case she wants to participate. You can let her know just in case I don't get the chance to talk with her privately for a minute."

"No, it's probably best if I let her know myself, so she won't… uhhh… I'll let her know."

"Alright, just get back to me if Barb is interested or not. No pressure though if she isn comfortable bringing it up."

"Yeah, we'll let you know."

And she got up and left to go mingle, leaving Caprica alone with her thoughts.

Damn, she should probably get ahead of this before Bob does anything too suspicious.

Sometime later, she and Bob sat in the big truck that used to belong to her grandfather, getting ready to go home, though she got Bob to pause for a bit for a chat. 

"So there might be something we should go over in regards to your Barbra disguise. So just in case someone asks, let's go over what transgender means, and a few other relevant terms you should know."

"Well alright. If ya think it'll help."

(One explanation later…..)

"Alright, now say it back to me. Someone asks if you're a Trans woman, what do you think that means?"

Bob, with a bit of excitement in his tone, replies

"It means I'm a lady who hasn't chopped off her dick yet!"

"...."

"...."

"You know what, we'll work on that."

And they head home.

Another day, another time, but the same place, Caprica and Bob (disguised as Barbra) are sitting together at a table at the lesbian bar, sharing a plate of nachos. 

Though Caprica was more eating a small bowl of jalapeño rings that came with the nachos than the nachos themselves.

And Bob was more enjoying teasing and flirting with his grumpy unsociable girlfriend than snacking.

Until they are rudely interrupted.

Two men, acting tipsy either from alcohol or their own egotistical self satisfaction, sleased over, one of them leaning against the table beside Caprica while the other stood behind her.

"Hey cutie, how'd you like to get with a real man?"

"Yeah, we’d be happy to show what you’re missing, hanging out with a bunch of slutty rug munchers like these."

Without skipping a beat though, and more of reflex than anything, Caprica deadpanned,

"Dude, this is a gay bar…. For gays. Quit flirting with people like me and go suck each other's faces instead."

And reached to take a sip of her drink.

Before her eyes glance over, and notice Bob's hand balled into a tight fist, which shook slightly with rage.

Caprica choked on her drink

OH SHIT RIGHT BOB!!!!!

These guys just… Oh shit. Right in front of Bob.

Trying not to let the nerves show in her voice, she says

"Okay, you…. You guys need to leave…" 

Obviously not successful in putting up a brave front.

And the guys just leaned in a bit closer. Pitching their voices a bit lower to make it harder for any lookie-loos to hear them over the background music.

"Awwww, but we just got here! And somebody's gotta set these dykes straight, might as well be a couple of good Samaritans like us."

"Yeah, we'd be happy to show you chick's what dick tastes like."

SHIT what can she do!! These guys are literally digging their own graves! Eyes widening further in fear she glances between the guys and the barely disguised ball of murderous rage that was Bob. 

Probably the only things keeping these two guys alive right now, was one… Bob being a bit of a slow thinker, taking a minute to figure out how exactly he was gonna murder these two. And two, that she makes him leave his knives at home when they go out in disguise so he couldn’t impulse stab as easily.

She makes a snap decision. 

Maybe if she can make a scene first, Bob won't get the opportunity to do something drastic and reveal his identity in public.

She turns to glare at the two men, raising her voice to draw more attention and maybe get someone else to intervene first before any blood gets spilled.

"I am literally here with my fucking girlfriend!"

She says gesturing at Bob.

"Now unless you two assholes want the only thing you're ever known for around town, is that you two are the kind of guys to hit on other people's girlfriends, you'd better walk out those doors and never let anyone here see your faces ever again!"

And good lord, the condescending smugness of these dudes was palpable.

"Hey now, no need to get all hysterical on us."

"Yeah, how are we supposed to know if it's your time of the month or not?"

And the two snicker dumbly, while Capricas eyes dart around. 

Two of the women from the dance floor, who were regulars at the bar, seem to have gotten the hint that something was up and were heading this way.

Though the two guys then continued, clearly trying to cover their ass now that there was a risk of witnesses.

"Hey, if you… two aren't in an uhhhh… open relationship you coulda just let us know and not get all upset over nothing.

"Besides, with how gross, fat, and hairy your girlfriend is, maybe you don't need a guy after all!"

Their condescending laughter peters out with a squeak of Bob's chair as he stands. The two men's courage faltering for a moment as they see his stature dwarfing the both of theirs.

The two women who had been making their way over also pausing at the sight, the anger in Bob's posture being clear even from across the room.

Though he keeps his tone even, and thankfully doesn't drop the feminine affect in his voice (and thus his disguise). And with a slow, controlled movement, he takes off his sunglasses, folds them, and hangs them on the collar of his funny 'my other ride is your mom' novelty shirt.

He then leans over, resting one hand on the table, and staring down the men with his big crazy eyes and deranged grin.

"You boys know what happens when you try hitting on another man's girlfriend right in front of them?"

One of the men puts up his hands in a timid ‘alright, calm down’ sort of gesture. Trying to be sassy as he says, "Hey, no need to HURK!!"

Bob snatched the man by the throat, cutting him off and startling his friend, along with Caprica 

"HEY HEY HEY!!!"

"BARB DON'T!!"

Caprica shot up from her seat, as Bob calmly made his way around the table, gaze hungrily fixed on the choking man clawing at Bob's hand, trying to break the grip around his neck.

Though he's knocked out of his focus as the assholes friend winds up a punch, and clocks Bob in the face with an accompanying shout of,

"LET GO OF HIM YOU BITCH!!!"

Bob staggers at the hit, then stills, and turns his attention to the other man. Who's angry expression falters with fear as Bob meets his gaze.

Caprica scrambles over, trying to get between Bob and the man, but he is able to move past her easily to punch the guy in the gut, and he crumples, wind knocked out of him. 

As Caprica, in a hushed worried tone, pleaded,

"Barb, we're in public Barb, people are watching, Barb. You know the rules, don’t break character."

And Bob, appearing not to listen, grabbed the other man by the collar of his shirt as he wheezed and tried not to fall over. Bob not obliging this man's attempt to stay upright, kicking out one of his legs so he tumbled, and the only thing keeping his head from smacking on the ground, being the shirt collar Bob held. Letting the second man be pulled along like a struggling sack of flour, all while still pulling the first man along by the neck, and starting to walk. Caprica still panicking in a hushed tone as by now the attention of the whole bar was on them, and a number of bystanders got closer to get a better view of the action.

"Come on Barrrb, think about you're doing, if you hurt them we can't come back…."

Bob started dragging the two men towards the front door of the bar, wide manic grin still on his face with each heavy step, and Caprica following along beside him, frantically whispering.

"They'll come and find us at the house, they might figure things out before we even get a real chance to run. Don't do this."

Bob kicks the door open, dragging the two struggling men out with him, letting one of the guys get smacked on the doorframe on the way out, and letting the door swing shut behind him.

Leaving Caprica looking nervously across the audience of mostly lesbians, many of whom were now chatting amongst themselves conspiratorially.

Caprica being too stressed to get a read on how the audience might be feeling about the whole affair and if they’ve turned against her and Bob or not.

But she does take a moment to consider since there weren't any windows to look out of, either on the door or the adjacent wall, maybe if she just stood here she could keep people from going out and witnessing Bob ripping them apart and calling the cops and escalating the whole thing and everyone finding out about Bob and Bob grabbing her before she can run and him getting taken to prison while she’s still stuck inside him and…

There's entirely too many people looking at her, so she goes out the door in a hurry.

She finds Bob standing there calmly, hands in his pockets, looking out across the street. His eyes glance down at her when she asks

"Where are the!!!!"

But she's interrupted as Bob gestures slightly with his head in the direction he'd been looking before, and Caprica can see the two men shambling off, one supporting the other with their arm across his shoulders to keep them steady.

Caprica lets out a huge wheezy breath, bracing against Bob with one hand as she doubles over and says,

"Oh thank fuck."

And Bob looks at her with a sly cheeky grin. 

She takes a few more deep breaths to try and steady herself, Bob saying a teasing

"Y'all right there sweetiepie?"

"I'm just…. Wheeze, shit Bob…. Just…"

"Spooked ya good didn't I?"

She glares at him.

"Don't you go acting like some bastion of self control now you fucking asshole. I know you were barely an inch from ruining everything."

"Yeah, but it's still fun to watch you get mad about it."

Caprica presses her face into her hands and lets out a long annoyed tone to try and get the stress out,

"HHHHHRRRRRrrrrgggggg…. Come on…. We still gotta go back in there and sort this out. You're stable enough right?"

Bob chuckles in response.

And Caprica stands up straight with a clap of her hands and says

"WHELP! Alright it's settled! Let's just leave and never come back, and never speak of this again!"

Bob leans in, wrapping an arm around Caprica's shoulders tenderly and nuzzling against the top of her head while saying apologetically.

"Awww darlin, come on, you'll be okay, they ain't gonna…"

Bob's interrupted as the door beside them opens, it's the bouncer, who was looking thoroughly apologetic, along with someone who normally is working the bar, but from the more authoritative tone, they were probably a more managerial type on top of pouring drinks.

"Are you two alright? From the sound of it, one of them tried to grab Caprica and the other ended up punching you when you tried to stop them."

It not being lost on Bob that the events were already getting spun to make him and Caprica look more innocent and non-confrontational than they had been. Clearly, the community was gonna be much more invested in looking after their own than being sympathetic to a couple of assholes. And Bob was happy to lean into that impulse of theirs. After all, he quite liked it here too, even if it meant agreeing to expand his ‘dont eat the neighbors, that’s too suspicious’ compromise with Caprica to include ‘don’t eat anyone who’s clearly a lesbian. It is not a large community and word travels fast and it’ll be too suspicious’. Taking on a warm tone and shifting back into his feminine Barbra affect, he stands back to his full height, though keeping an arm around Caprica, and responds,

"Yeah, we're alright. Don't-chu worry."

"How about the two men?"

"I gave 'em an earful and let 'em limp off with their tail between their legs. Hopefully we won't be dealin with those two again any time soon."

The manager seems relieved, taking up a bit more confident, even somewhat protective tone as she responds,

"Alright, if they show up again and start getting butthurt about things and trying to twist everything around, we've got a bar full of witnesses to let the authorities know how big of a creep those guys were. And of course, it should go without saying that those guys are banned for life."

The bouncer holds open the door for them, the manager trying to usher them both inside.

"Come on, I'll give you both a free drink, or maybe something to eat to help ya calm down, or heck, both if you want. And let's get you an ice pack for that bruise Barbra."

Though with Caprica being obviously the more nervous of the two, the bulk of the fretting quickly turned to her, giving Bob a moment to fidget with what he had in his pocket.

The source of why Bob was able to do an emotional 180 so quickly, and turn so calm and confident after the insults and the jealous, possessive rage.

Taking them out covertly for a moment to examine.

Two leather wallets. And flipping open the top one, a drivers license can be clearly seen in the transparent pouch, belonging to the man he had threatened to strangle to death.

A drivers license and thus, a name, and an address.

Bob's grin widened with sinister glee, before he stowed the mens wallets away, and followed the group inside.

Then, the following night...

[partyhorn]

Have u ever posted your comic or animation workflow anywhere? Im super curious on how you tackle the process, especially not using a drawing tablet. I know you have a very simple (and adorable) style so that probably helps in terms of workflow -- Im just curious about the steps you take.

Thank you! With both comics and animation my key thing is to not spend too much time on any particular thing, just draw loose and fast. Honestly the only downside to drawing with a mouse is that I can tell my arm has extremely specific muscle memory regarding it- if my mouse breaks and I get a new one I have to spend a good month or so just letting my hand get used to it again lol. Same with if my setup gets readjusted too much- right now my setup is my mouse on one of those padded mousepads, on top of 2 books, with my elbow resting on my 3DS case (I'll get an actual pillow or something for it eventually lol). But luckily thanks to this I suffer very minimal wrist pain 👍

(...Okay I started to go really in depth in my process here, so sorry if this is way more than what you were asking. Putting it under a readmore just to save space lol)

With MFM in particular, I start by writing out the entire script for the next story arc, which really is just all of the dialogue and vague notes about any important actions. Then I do the paneling with very loose stick-figure like sketches of where the characters are and what they're doing. I prefer having very little planning when it comes to character poses and panel shapes, coming up with those on the fly makes things much more exciting and faster to make. But it's the opposite with dialogue... it needs to be 100% FINAL before I draw a single line lol.

That's part of my script for my most recent chapter, as well as what my extremely loose goofy thumbnail sketching is like. I write the script as one big thing and don't separate it into pages until I actually start drawing- then I go and color change it just to keep track of what dialogue goes on each page

After that, I go back and do the ACTUAL sketch, as well as the lettering (I don't believe this is how it's done professionally. I used to do lettering as the very last step in the process... but then found it hard to cram speech bubbles in the right places lmao.) After that is lineart, coloring, background flat colors, then shading/rendering for all of it. I do each step in batches, as in I sketch out ALL pages of a chapter before moving to lineart, I line ALL pages before starting coloring, etc. I find it way easier to be productive when it's broken up like that, though when I first started the comic I used to draw each page to completion before starting the next (but also, the comic's style was DRASTICALLY simpler back then haha)

(Unfortunately I merged some of the shading to the background flat colors so it's not entirely accurate... oops) FireAlpaca has a sand texture feature that I only found out about last year- adding that to the backgrounds makes them look 10x better with WAY less effort.

With animation, it depends on the project. For simple 5-10 second animation I make for fun, there's very little planning lol. I skip some steps in the process- I'll sketch out the keyframes (and maybe any difficult inbetweens if necessary), line those, then go straight into making linework inbetweens. I'm not a cleanup artist and have no experience in that, so I always find trying to line my rough animation makes everything jittery and wobbly. If I do it with a clean line from the start then I can avoid that and save a lot of time 👍

For my bigger projects (such as the Parvey cartoon and the MFM Kickstarter trailer), I do the whole animatic with final audio first and foremost, with the animatic being almost like the keyframes. I split them up into individual shots, .mp4 files anywhere between 1-30 seconds usually, and animate those one at a time. I'm a huge fan of free to use programs and try to use them as much as I possibly can, here's a list of the ones I use:

FireAlpaca- for the actual drawing part itself (storyboarding/animating/etc). FireAlpaca has a feature that lets you export every frame as it's own drawing, as well as an onion skin mode

Windows Movie Maker- for compiling all of those frames into video format, creating individual shots. If you upload all of your frames and set them to around 0.08 seconds, it equals about 12fps (I usually animate at 0.10 seconds/10fps, its a bit slower but looks nice)

Onlinesequencer.net- for making music. It's the place I've made all of my songs on, like the timeloop song, hyperworkaholic, and the background music for the MFM Kickstarter trailer.

Audacity- for editing audio/music. Also great for recording things directly from your desktop

DaVinci Resolve- for editing and putting together all of the shots into one big video. Can get kind of intensive on the computer during rendering, so watch out.

YouCut (app)- also for editing and compiling shots, I used this one a lot a couple years back but I'm not sure how well it holds up. Doesn't need much phone storage to download but needs a lot to render videos.

MS Paint (yes really)- for typing up text. FireAlpaca has a text option but I don't like it as much as Paint's.

...The only thing I genuinely can't do alone is voice acting. Luckily there's a big voice acting community on Twitter and they're all amazing to work with!

This got... way more in depth than I planned for it to be, so sorry if this is way more than what you were asking lol. But that's my general process when it comes to my art 👍

[elyvorg]

Kazuma Asogi: Behind the Paragon

The Great Ace Attorney is so very great that it’s become my favourite Ace Attorney game, and it’s also given me a new all-time favourite Ace Attorney character, in Kazuma! Despite him getting quite a bit less screentime than the other major characters, he’s just so fascinating and has so much going on under the surface that’s perfect for me to get my analytical teeth into. So here's a big analysis post in which I break all of that down and talk about Kazuma’s character in great detail. (There will be spoilers for Resolve, too.)

Now that we’re safely beyond the readmore, I can add that a lot of this comes from me having spent all of Kazuma’s screentime during my first playthrough of Resolve very intrigued but also very confused. I kept constantly switching my perception of what the hell was going on in his head, desperate to figure him out, determined to make it all make sense even after I’d finished the game and still couldn’t quite fit it all together yet. And, well, I’m confident that I have now! This is something of a record of my achievements in unravelling the fascinating puzzle that is Kazuma. But also even aside from that, he’s just delightful and full of so many issues, and all of it deserves to be talked about.

Because I used every scrap of canon Kazuma content I could get in order to get as much insight into him as possible, I’m going to be mentioning some stuff not from the main game here and there. There’s the Escapades, bonus scenes that can be found in the game’s special contents menu, the first two of which feature Kazuma. And then there’s some much more obscure bonus content: the original Japanese 3DS release of DGS2 came with a pre-order bonus of two mini cases, one set in Japan, the other set in London. These unfortunately cannot ever be republished and localised due to legal reasons, but fan translations of them can be found on Youtube if you search “Japan DLC”/”London DLC” along with Dai Gyakuten Saiban. (They’re technically not DLCs, but that seems to be what people have settled on calling them.) They can both be assumed to be canon, and as the Japan one features Kazuma as the POV character, it has some good relevant content for our purposes here. I highly recommend you go check them out! (The London one lacks Kazuma but is also good, especially if you like van Zieks.)

Part 1: Japan

Losing his father

Originally, I felt like I ought to start this off by talking about just how much Kazuma idolised his father when he was alive. But then I realised there’s not much opportunity to do that when we don’t actually see any of his time with his father, beyond that one photograph. So it says a lot that we don’t need to have seen any of it to still be able to appreciate just how much Kazuma’s father meant to him, because it’s already so clear from the way his death shaped Kazuma’s entire life.

That said, we see barely any of it on the surface. Kazuma never talks about anything directly to do with his father at all until the Professor case is right in front of him and he can no longer avoid doing so. Even Ryunosuke went their entire friendship until Great Britain seemingly not having any inkling of the fact that Kazuma’s father was so important to him, let alone anything involving his death. From Adventures alone, we get basically no indication of the single most fundamental part of Kazuma’s entire character.

The one way in which Kazuma’s devotion to his father is even somewhat apparent on the surface – the only part of any of this that he ever freely talks about – is in how precious Karuma is to him. Kazuma is very firm about his belief that a Japanese man’s sword is his soul, and he mustn’t be parted from it. It’s true that this was a belief held by samurai in those times, but I’m sure that an even bigger reason why Kazuma is so insistent on never being parted from Karuma is that, by that same token, it also houses his father’s soul. So long as he keeps Karuma by his side, his father will always be there, watching over him. That must have been an immense help and comfort through his grief. (Very much like how Karuma was to Ryunosuke when he thought Kazuma was gone!)

No doubt the time Kazuma spent honing his swordsmanship with Karuma ever since he inherited it was a way for him to feel closer to his father. I like to think that the reason Kazuma’s so boastful about his Asogi Sword-Drawing Technique (something we learn about in Japan DLC) is that it was a technique his father had mastered, one that little Kazuma always admired and wished he could do too but could never manage it, until he had Karuma himself, when it was too late for his father to see and be proud of him. Calligraphy, too, is a pastime Kazuma most likely took up because, as he mentions in one bit of easy-to-miss dialogue, his father had a passion for it.

Mind you, Kazuma would be nothing if not used to chasing after his father’s absent back, what with how Genshin spent six years prior to his death still being decidedly Not There in his son’s life. But I’m sure Kazuma would have had an easier time handling his absence then, when he knew it was for a good reason –  no doubt Genshin had told him all about how important it was that he studies in Great Britain in order to make Japan’s judicial system the best it can be. (Though even then, living without his father must have been harder for little Kazuma than he’d have wanted to admit.)

But it’s not the same at all when he’s simply gone forever and never coming back and this never should have happened. Kazuma’s not seen his father in six whole years, and now he never will again. It’s a strange, atemporal kind of bereavement. When did Kazuma lose his father, really? The day he learned of his death? The day several months before that on which Genshin actually died? Or the day six years past, the last time he ever saw his father alive? That’d be hard for anyone to cope with, much less a child – even less a child whose bereaved mother is unable to be emotionally supportive, leaving him in the care of a new guardian he doesn’t know all that well.

Living with the Mikotobas

It’s a little unclear exactly when or even why Kazuma moved in with Mikotoba. Our only real indication is that Susato says he came to live with them “after she’d got used to having her father around”. Given that she was only six years old at the time, I can’t imagine that would have taken her that long – maybe a few months, tops? So Kazuma’s reason for coming to live with them couldn’t be because his mother had died, since that happens later. However, given that his mother eventually passes from grief, it’s easy to imagine that within those few months after learning of Genshin’s death, she became mentally unwell enough to be unable to look after Kazuma, and thus Mikotoba had to take him in. So that’s how I imagine it happened.

As for Mikotoba – well, we already know that he’s not the greatest at dealing with grief. Even coming back to Japan with the resolve to finally face his family again and be a proper father to Susato wouldn’t necessarily have made him any better at the emotional side of things. The pain from losing Genshin, his good friend, would still have been raw, and everything that happened was so awful and sudden and unresolved, and so… he chose to lie to Kazuma about the circumstances of his father’s death, feeling that would be better than having this bereaved teenager learn the horrible truth.

Kazuma always suspected Mikotoba had lied to him, even before the letter. He idolised his father as the Greatest Person Ever – there must have been a part of him that felt that surely someone that incredible could never have been taken by something as mundane as illness. (And perhaps, in some sense, he wanted it to be more than just that, because he didn’t know how to cope with all this grief and desperately wanted there to be somebody to blame.)

Still, Kazuma couldn’t really begrudge Mikotoba for lying, because he could understand that it was out of a desire to protect his feelings. But on the other hand, it must have hurt, having so desperately wanted to know the real truth about what happened to his father, and having that hidden from him out of pity, as if his feelings were too fragile.

This is bound to have shaped Kazuma into the mindset that if he ever wanted to learn the truth about his father, he needed to stop having feelings, because if anyone saw that he was hurting in any way, they’d pity him, and coddle him, and think he couldn’t handle it. And besides, Mikotoba, his only remaining parent figure, would have been not at all someone Kazuma felt he could open up to and be vulnerable around, because Mikotoba himself doesn’t know how to be openly vulnerable with grief either. (And Susato? She was far too young to burden with this.)

So Kazuma learned to shut it all away. He is far, far too good at suppressing his emotions about his father’s death, to the point that even he doesn’t consciously realise most of them exist. I’m pretty sure that the way Mikotoba approached the whole thing has to be a lot of the reason why.

The life-changing letter

The timing of when Kazuma received that fateful letter is harder to pin down. The only real indication is that he talks about how it revealed what had been hidden from him “for all those years”, which suggests it was several years after his father’s death, but I don’t know if that feels right? First of all, it seems odd that the anonymous writer of the letter, who did so out of uncontainable grief and resentment, would wait several years to get that off their chest. And I also feel like it ought to have been fairly early on in the timeline, because it very much feels like Kazuma has spent the majority of the ten years since his father’s death knowing about his execution and desperately wanting to put things right. It’s possible that Kazuma says it was “all those years” only because his sense of time has become warped by grief – and because the last time he saw his father alive was six years before his death, which would make it feel like longer than it really was.

Whenever exactly it happened, receiving the letter would have had a massive impact on Kazuma and been a huge turning point for him. When he’s finally telling Ryunosuke and Susato the truth about his father’s fate in the scene in his office, this is the one part where he gets somewhat vaguely close to expressing something of how he felt about it – that is to say, he says that it “changed my life”. That’s not an exaggeration.

All along, he was right to have assumed his father wasn’t really taken by illness, that there was more to it, that Mikotoba was lying to him – but this is so much harder to cope with. Even worse than him having simply died, even more horrible than him having been simply murdered. It’s wrong. It’s not fair. And perhaps more importantly than any of that… there’s someone he can blame.

I’m very sure that Kazuma’s hatred of van Zieks extends all the way back to the day he received that letter. The letter itself probably didn’t mention van Zieks, but it also came with a newspaper clipping to prove its legitimacy – probably a headline such as “Barok van Zieks Avenges Older Brother in Glorious Courtroom Victory against the Dreaded Professor!” There’d certainly have been plenty of reasons for the newspapers to have mentioned his name when reporting what they were allowed to disclose about that case.

The main reason I’m really sure that Kazuma’s hatred of van Zieks is so long-lasting (long enough to support the idea that he must have received the letter quite early on) is because of how heartbreakingly irrational it is. If it’d been something that Kazuma only latches onto in the eight days after regaining his memory and realising this was the man who’d prosecuted his father, he’d have been nowhere near as desperately fanatical about it in the ensuing trial. This is a deeply formative grudge that’s festered for the better part of ten years, born from the rage of a broken, grieving teenager who had no idea what else to do with all of that pain.

Because he certainly couldn’t talk to anyone about it. Susato was still just a child, far too young to burden with any of this. Mikotoba had already lied to him in an attempt to protect his feelings, leaving Kazuma unwilling to trust him with the exact painful truth the man had been trying to shield him from. And when he went to Jigoku, someone less close to him whom he maybe thought would be more likely to just give it to him straight, he got laughed off, after seeing for a moment in Jigoku’s eyes that he knew and was lying about it too. No wonder Kazuma internalised the idea that he cannot ever tell anybody about this, so powerfully that that concept even persisted in the amnesiac voice that drew him to London, telling him ”no-one else must know”.

When grief became determination

Even so, even after receiving the letter and learning the awful truth, Kazuma didn’t immediately fixate on his goal to go to Britain and put things right himself. No doubt he would have wanted to, and thought about it and imagined the idea of it. But it must have seemed so unreachable – for him, to become the very best law student in all of Japan in order to be chosen for such a rare opportunity as an exchange to Great Britain. And then, to somehow be able to pierce through the lies and find the truth, against corruption so powerful that it even destroyed someone as impossibly amazing as his father…? That’s nothing but a fleeting dream. Lost among his grief, he must have felt so small, so powerless to ever achieve something that huge against such impossible odds.

But then, a year after Kazuma received the letter, his mother died too, finally succumbing to her own grief. Not only did Kazuma find himself with even more unbearable pain to deal with, but he was also faced with a very stark illustration that grief can literally kill you.

And, in Kazuma’s own words, that’s when he made up his mind: that one day he would make it to Great Britain and seek the truth, no matter what it took. It was that additional agony of losing his mother to the same horrible injustice that took his father, and the fear – no doubt subconscious; I can’t imagine he’d have ever consciously broached the thought – that the grief would kill him too if he didn’t find some way to cope with it and push it down and turn it into purpose, that led to his unbelievable determination to personally put things right.

Kazuma really is incredibly strong. He’s had to be. He even frames it to himself as “I had no choice”, when really, of course he made a choice to do this. But it doesn’t feel that way to him, not when the only alternative he could see was to let himself be obliterated by grief and helplessness.

Perfectionism and Fate

Kazuma’s sheer determination to fulfil his mission at all costs ended up shaping a lot of other little things about the kind of person he is.

It’s subtly notable in a number of places that Kazuma is kind of a ridiculous perfectionist. Escapade 1 in particular is a great source of it – he literally wears that headband as a constant reminder to himself of the time he messed up a tongue-twister once, what a dork. One might think that this simply comes from him being an Asogi; van Zieks comments after his first trial day that Kazuma’s “flawless performance very much reminded me of his father”, implying Genshin was also a lot like this. Then there’s the whole thing about the, uhh, Karuma clan having originated from an apprentice to Genshin. But while that’s probably part of why Kazuma’s like this, I don’t think it can be all of it. Genshin was a good dad and I cannot imagine him being so brutally strict as to ingrain such an overwhelming standard of perfectionism into his eight-year-old son.

The real reason Kazuma became so incredibly intolerant of the slightest mistake or flaw is that he felt like he had to be, in order to achieve his goal. Only the very best of the best could ever be chosen to study abroad in Great Britain, so he couldn’t afford the slightest failure. And it’d take someone even greater than that to be taken seriously as a foreign student in the British courts – where he knows his father must have not been – and to pierce through corruption so strong that it even defeated his father. Kazuma must have felt like he had to become nothing short of perfect.

But even then, even if Kazuma devotes everything he has to studying and manages to become the most perfect, skilled, disciplined lawyer the world has ever seen… there’s still a chance that might not be enough. There are certain parts of his goal of getting to Britain that are out of his hands and are basically down to nothing but luck. What if the Japanese government just never offers another British study tour? What if he gets passed up for some arbitrary reason such as being too young, or them not accepting defence lawyers, that has nothing to do with his ability?

This leads into another interesting subtle trait of Kazuma’s that grew from this, which is that he appears to have particularly strong ideas about fate. It’s right there in the official localised title of his character theme, for one: “Samurai of Destiny”. The amnesia voice – which is made out of thoughts ingrained deeply enough in him that they weren’t completely forgotten – tells him that his destiny awaits him in London. During a press dialogue in 2-4 when Sandwich is mumbling something about fate, Kazuma chips in with, “The defence is fated to lose. And the prosecution to win,” which comes across as very forceful and weirdly uncalled-for of him.

But Kazuma has to believe that coming to Britain and winning this trial and avenging his father is his destiny. He has to believe that fate is on his side for all of the parts of his mission that aren’t under his control. The possibility that he could fail anyway, despite all his effort and hard work, purely due to some random chance… that’s just a completely unbearable thought. There’s a very telling line he delivers at the end of Japan DLC, which sounds like a principle of his that he lives by: “If you hold onto your will, then the winds will blow in your favour.” Kazuma has had to convince himself that so long as he works as hard as he can for the sake of his goal, Fate itself will reward his determination by granting him the opportunities he needs to achieve it.

Unexpected friendship

One thing Kazuma very much wasn’t expecting Fate to do for him, mind you, was to give him a best friend. As we learn in Escapade 1, Ryunosuke and Kazuma meeting really was complete happenstance that could easily not have come to pass. Ryunosuke just happened to be Kazuma’s final opponent in the speech competition, and then Kazuma just happened to be bad enough at tongue twisters to flub his final line (about filial piety, because of course Kazuma’s speech was about filial piety, aka respecting one’s parents and elders), such that Ryunosuke won the competition and registered in Kazuma’s head as a person of note.

(I also love how their meeting in the speech competition mirrors their actual dynamic in a lot of ways. Kazuma went into his speech with a strict and perfect plan, and then choked when he made a small unexpected mistake, while Ryunosuke just kinda bumbled along with something much simpler and more instinctive but didn’t stop for anything. As such, Kazuma ended up being the one to idolise Ryunosuke, despite that Ryunosuke would never imagine that was the case. Plus it’s just very fitting that they first met as opponents and rivals, given their eventual opposing roles in the courtroom.)

Kazuma approached Ryunosuke after the competition not even out of any attempt to befriend him, but simply to ask him how he doesn’t trip up on his words – in other words, Kazuma just wanted to learn how to be perfect again after his “failure”. And yet, Ryunosuke, the precious earnest dork that he is, saw that the super amazing star student Kazuma Asogi seemed to want to get to know him, and just kinda friended at him real hard? And it worked… and all of a sudden Kazuma found himself with a best friend, completely without having intended it.

Having a friend like Ryunosuke brings out another side to Kazuma that’s very rarely seen – that of a more normal person that he otherwise might have kept being if he hadn’t lost his father. It’s difficult to realise just how rare and remarkable this is, especially for the first half of the game, as we experience everything from Ryunosuke’s perspective and so only see what Kazuma is like around his friend. But we can see glimpses of it in how he interacts with other people. Even with Mikotoba, who’s Kazuma’s surrogate father figure and someone he’s known for most of his life – Kazuma stands to attention when speaking with him and seems a lot more formal and guarded compared to his relaxed, open body language with his friend. He basically never smiles at anyone except for Ryunosuke (and sometimes Susato too, but it’s a lot rarer), because their friendship is the only source of genuine happiness Kazuma has in his life. Without Ryunosuke, Kazuma would probably never smile, and barely even remember what it felt like to be happy… and I doubt he’d even realise how unusual and tragic this is, because something like happiness isn’t relevant next to his mission.

It might seem from Ryunosuke’s perspective, with how much he idolises Kazuma, that he’s the one who benefitted the most from their friendship. But really, Ryunosuke would have been fine without Kazuma – a little aimless, perhaps, but he’d have lived a perfectly decent life. Kazuma, though? Without Ryunosuke, he would have found his burdens so much harder to bear, and might even have lost himself to his demons entirely in Great Britain. Kazuma was always the one who needed Ryunosuke, not the other way around. I suspect that it was Kazuma who started calling Ryunosuke “partner” first – he’s the one who uses the term more – out of noticing that Ryunosuke seemed to feel inferior to him and wanting to make it clear that they should be equals. He respects and looks up to and is grateful to Ryunosuke so much more than he could ever say.

On the surface, though, Kazuma mostly seems to show his affection with plenty of biting snark, and also a lot of stern nagging at Ryunosuke to study harder and be less scatterbrained and things such as that. He’s basically a dad friend! Which feels very appropriate for Kazuma, for obvious reasons. Hopefully Ryunosuke helped Kazuma out in his own, opposing way, by encouraging him to take breaks sometimes and not work himself way too hard. I’m sure that Ryunosuke, being an English student – a subject he chose probably just because he likes words and wordplay and therefore finds it interesting – also would have been able to help Kazuma a lot with practicing his English for when he goes to Britain.

As for Kazuma’s Britain mission, Ryunosuke quickly became abundantly aware of just how determined his friend was to go there… and yet Kazuma evidently could never bring himself to tell even his best friend the reason why. It must have been incredibly refreshing for Kazuma to have a part of his life so completely unconnected from the overwhelming weight of his mission and his father’s death looming over him, something that could let him just feel normal for a little while. It seems like Ryunosuke never even knew that Kazuma had lost his father at all until the waxwork scene, and even afterwards, he low-key buys into the idea that Genshin was the Professor until their conversation in Kazuma’s office. This means that not only did Kazuma never bring up his father’s death to his friend, he also never mentioned his father at all, because Ryunosuke would have been a lot less likely to assume that Genshin was a serial killer if he’d ever heard Kazuma talking about his father with pride.

And yet, perhaps it’s also because Ryunosuke is so completely unconnected to any of the events and people who had to do with his father’s death in Britain that Kazuma eventually felt somewhat able to open up to him about it – or at least, he was clearly trying to work his way up to doing so while on the Burya. He couldn’t bring himself to get that close to the truth with anybody else, not even Susato, despite her being his literal assistant (you’d think she’d need to know at some point, Kazuma) and also basically his sister. And she was already fully aware of at least the part where he'd lost his father, which is one step up from Ryunosuke. But she’s too connected to the events of ten years ago by being Mikotoba’s daughter, and was also so very young until quite recently, so it just never crossed Kazuma’s mind that he could perhaps confide in her, even though of course he trusts her in principle. Poor Susato.

Being a lawyer

While pursuing his mission, Kazuma studied to become a lawyer – a choice that’s rather interesting, considering what happened to his father. On the one hand, a lawyer is the kind of person who could hypothetically have saved Genshin from that wrongful execution. On the other, being a prosecutor was always really the better path for Kazuma to take for the sake of his actual goal of bringing the people responsible for his father’s death to justice!

According to Susato, Kazuma’s goal to become a lawyer is “a promise he’d made to his father”. It’s ambiguous whether this is a promise he made directly to his father while he was alive, or a promise he made as part of his personal mission to avenge him following his death. I think it’s a lot more likely to be the former, though, for a few reasons. If it was the latter, it’s bound to be because a lawyer could have prevented his father’s wrongful execution – but I don’t know if Kazuma would fixate so much on this empty hypothetical of how things could have gone when it’s far too late for that, not next to the more grimly pragmatic approach of being a prosecutor. And the fact that I’ve gravitated towards the implication that Kazuma moved in with the Mikotobas before he received That Letter (and he implicitly told Susato about his promise soon after he moved in) means he probably wanted to be a lawyer before then anyway.

So, I believe Kazuma promised his father he’d become a lawyer in person, while they were still together! I imagine Genshin told his son a lot about what he was hoping to achieve for Japan’s justice system, and why defence lawyers needed to be introduced as a crucial part of making it fairer for everyone. And so, little Kazuma, hanging onto every word of his father’s ideals and eager to make him proud, promised he’d become one of the very first defence lawyers himself! He does always say that he wants to study in Britain for the sake of improving Japan’s legal system, and while that’s obviously not his main reason, I don’t think Kazuma would be comfortable saying it so often if it wasn’t still true.

…And then, his father died, and of course he would want to cling to that promise no matter what, even if his desire to change Japan’s legal system suddenly becomes very much second priority, and even if another path might actually be more practical for his ultimate goal.

(And even once he reads the letter and knows what his goal is, there’d be a large part of him that wouldn’t want to change his mind and become a prosecutor, no matter how much more practical that might be. After all, it was a prosecutor who got his father killed, and he’d hate the very idea of becoming the same kind of person as that monster Barok van Zieks.)

As part of being a lawyer, Kazuma has also formulated some strong principles about what it means to be one. A lawyer’s greatest weapon is their belief in their client, because they can’t ever know the truth for sure, and this means they have to believe in their own judgement of other people. He evidently cares about this enough to talk about it a fair bit, based on the fact that Ryunosuke can easily recall several of the things he’d said about it in the past.

Since lawyers are so new in Japan, and his father wasn’t one (detectives like Genshin would have to take a more objective approach, you’d think), Kazuma likely didn’t learn this stuff from anyone else. He must have come up with these principles himself. Which… when you move outside of the bubble of how Ryunosuke sees Kazuma and think about what Kazuma’s really like, seems almost odd. We’re talking about someone who only acquired a best friend by complete accident, someone whose interactions with everybody except for said best friend are almost entirely transactional, someone relentlessly, ruthlessly goal-driven… and yet somehow he manages to have such well-formed principles around the concept of believing in complete strangers.

So I believe that the only reason Kazuma has given so much thought to this is because of his own father’s case. For all he knows, Genshin really could have been a serial killer! He doesn’t have any proof either way! But of course Kazuma would be desperate to believe in his father’s innocence no matter what. Of course he’d want to cling to the notion that doing so, despite a lack of concrete evidence, is just the right thing for him to do, and that his judgement of his father from their time together has to be something he can rely on. That’s where all of his principles about a lawyer’s belief must have come from.

Despite this – and perhaps rather tellingly as to the fact that he came up with it for somewhat unrelated reasons – Kazuma also doesn’t seem to think he’s all that good at this whole believing-in-your-clients thing. After seeing his friend at work in one trial, he’s already acting like Ryunosuke’s obviously much better at it than him, even though his only evidence is Ryunosuke believing in him and his guidance, which is a completely different matter than believing that someone who’s accused of murder didn’t actually do it. Perhaps that’s out of a general overall sense Kazuma has that his best friend has always been better with people than he has, and was always more suited to this lawyer thing of choosing to believe in someone you’ve only just met, simply based on the kind of person Ryunosuke is.

Jigoku’s ultimatum: the assassination mission

About a year and a half after befriending Ryunosuke, it’s finally the time Kazuma’s been waiting for. After all the effort he’s been going through for the past nearly-ten years of his life, all that hard work, all that studying, it’s finally about to pay off. He’s finally going to take the exams to prove himself to be the best of the best and earn his place on an exchange to Great Britain.

But then, sometime during the exam period, Jigoku approaches him and tells him: actually, I don’t care how good you are, or how hard you’ve worked; the only way you’re getting a place on this study tour is if you agree to murder somebody.

And Kazuma realises, with a slow, dawning horror… that he’s actually going to agree to this. Something so underhanded and vile that under any other circumstances it would be unthinkable to him. Because he has to. Because nothing is more important to him than his goal.

Kazuma tells Ryunosuke on the Burya that he would sacrifice anything for the sake of his mission. But I think it’s quite likely that he never realised this fact until Jigoku gave him that awful ultimatum. Before then, he wouldn’t have assumed he’d ever need to. His mission to clear his father’s name and avenge him is righteous and just, so becoming able to achieve that ought to be an equally just path. It should require nothing but determination and effort, which aren’t really sacrifices at all. He never for a second expected he’d have to sacrifice his moral integrity of all things in pursuit of this.

Granted, he doesn’t remotely intend to carry out the assassination. But even then, simply saying he’ll kill someone, and the act of making a promise he intends to break are both morally reprehensible things to Kazuma that he would never otherwise have dreamed of doing. It goes completely against the kinds of principles his father must have taught him to uphold. (More on those later.)

It must especially sting for Kazuma to know that his utter desperation to go to Britain to the point that he’s willing to stoop to such depths is really the only reason he’s being chosen for the exchange. All that hard work and studying, all his academic achievements? Basically irrelevant, because Jigoku would have chosen him for his desperation anyway, even if he wasn’t the star student that he is.

Nonetheless, Kazuma would still have done his best in the exams, determined to prove that he is the top candidate and he would have deserved this for legitimate reasons, and so he can basically pretend that’s what’s going on and just not think too much about the whole assassin thing. He at least does a decent job of keeping up that façade on the surface, such as when he’s eagerly telling Ryunosuke at La Carneval (which they’re presumably visiting to celebrate him being officially chosen as the exchange student) that he’s finally been recognised for his “academic achievements and successes in court”. How forced must that smile have been, I wonder.

Japan DLC features some fun subtle exploration of Kazuma’s feelings on this matter. Rumours of “foul play” in the selection of Kazuma as the exchange student get brought up, as it appears that he in fact scored second place among the candidates, and not first. Kazuma never tries to argue against this on the basis that it wouldn’t make sense for him to have been chosen if he’d only been in second – after all, he already knows exactly why that might have happened. Instead, he just gets extremely worked up over the notion that what do you mean he wasn’t first???, even when it turns out that it was only by a margin of one point. And, yes, part of this is very much Kazuma’s ridiculous perfectionism at work – but it’s not just that. It’s also that he was desperately clinging to the idea that he does still deserve this on a real, above-board level, because at least he really was the top candidate academically, right? It has to have been a massive punch in the gut to learn that apparently… no, he wasn’t, and the only reason he’s getting this at all is because he was willing to agree to kill a man.

(I’m not gonna tell you whether or not Kazuma really did come in second place; you’ll have to watch Japan DLC yourself to find out.)

Jigoku claims during 2-5 that Kazuma had an actual reason for wanting to kill Gregson – and, sure, he theoretically does, since Gregson played a part in getting his father killed. But I don’t know if I believe Jigoku’s implication that this was something Kazuma knew about when he took the mission back in Japan. The only person who could have told him that is Jigoku, and, well. First of all, I’m not sure Jigoku even necessarily knew anything at all about how Genshin was framed at the time, since he seemed to have genuinely tried to stand up for him in court, and he was only involved with the faked execution half of the plot. And even if Jigoku did know about Gregson’s involvement, I’m not sure he’d risk telling Kazuma that, because that begs the question of how he knows about this, and Jigoku probably wouldn’t want to imply his own involvement in Genshin’s death in front of his son who is currently standing right there with a sword at his hip.

However. Despite that I doubt Jigoku told Kazuma anything about Gregson other than that this is his target and perhaps also that he’s an inspector, Kazuma’s still bound to have wondered. Why is Jigoku of all people insisting that he kills a random Englishman? He has to figure that whatever connection Jigoku has to this Englishman to want him dead must have something to do with what went on in Britain ten years ago, and therefore that Gregson is likely to be somehow related to his father’s death. I wonder if Kazuma ever considered the hypothetical: if it did turn out that this Gregson person actually was one of the ones responsible for killing his father, what would he do about the assassination then…?

Another point to note is that, based on his surprise when it gets brought up in 2-5, Kazuma was apparently completely unaware that his assassination mission was one of a pair, connected to the murder of Wilson. That said, he shows some interesting behaviour during 1-1 that suggest he’s figuring out some extent of what’s going on there. He’s silently lost in thought for most of the testimony where Ryunosuke’s trying to prove the existence of the woman whom everyone else suspiciously insists they never saw, and then he’s the first person to suggest, without any real basis, that said woman is both: foreign, and a student. I strongly suspect based on this that he’s realising this is a very similar deal to his own exchange assassination, in which the killer gets protection from the higher authorities due to being a foreign student.

Ryunosuke’s trial (and Jigoku’s other ultimatum)

Jigoku’s corruption in trying to keep Stronghart’s British assassin out of trouble during 1-1 is evident even in ways that aren’t immediately apparent on the surface. Remember that Ryunosuke was in prison for three days, and yet Kazuma only managed to take over as his lawyer the evening before the trial. That might seem a little odd at first: Kazuma surely would have heard about his friend’s arrest upon seeing it in the papers the next morning at the absolute latest, and yet it took him that long to get assigned to the case? Obviously this detail is there for the sake of the loophole that lets Ryunosuke defend himself, but it does make a lot of sense in-story, too. No doubt Jigoku, desperate to make Ryunosuke into a scapegoat for the crime, assigned him some random lawyer who was fully expected to throw the trial, and did everything he could to prevent the actually-competent Kazuma getting anywhere near the case. Kazuma must have spent those three days fighting tooth and nail against Jigoku’s roadblocks to be allowed to defend his friend, and even then, he only just made it in time.

(And he evidently never told Ryunosuke about any of this struggle he went through, presumably because he didn’t want to worry him, typical Kazuma. But poor Ryunosuke, stuck in prison for three days with no sign of Kazuma until the last minute – he must have assumed his best friend just thought he’d done it and abandoned him, oh nooo.)

With that in mind, consider the ultimatum Kazuma’s been given for this case, which was almost certainly put in place by Jigoku: if he fails in defending Ryunosuke, he loses his place on the exchange trip. Except that Jigoku does not actually want Kazuma to lose his place on the exchange trip at all, because then he’d have to find another assassin, and he’d be hard pressed finding anyone else desperate enough to agree to that like Kazuma was! However, what Jigoku also really doesn’t want, for the sake of protecting Stronghart’s British assassin, is Kazuma defending Ryunosuke in this case. He’s already learned that he can manipulate Kazuma into doing things he doesn’t like by exploiting his utter desperation to make it to Great Britain. By threatening Kazuma with the risk of losing his exchange trip, Jigoku is hoping to make Kazuma too afraid to go near Ryunosuke’s case at all.

Unfortunately for Jigoku, since this ultimatum isn’t a secret, he still has to make it appear above-board. What he’d really like to do is threaten Kazuma with losing the exchange trip if he takes the case at all, even if he wins – but that’d look pretty obviously dodgy. Why forbid the chosen student from going on the trip when he’s just proven his competence by winning a case? So all he can do is threaten to do that if Kazuma loses, and hope that this risk will be enough to sway him.

But of course Kazuma isn’t swayed. And it’s not because his best friend is more important to him than his chance to make it to Britain. After all, there’s no outcome in which he saves Ryunosuke but loses the exchange trip. If he wins the trial, he keeps both! So he’s just going to win it, simple as that. He refuses to acknowledge the possibility that he might lose. Because if Kazuma isn’t even good enough to prove his best friend’s innocence, if he can’t keep another person precious to him from being wrongfully executed (because that absolutely would have been Ryunosuke’s fate) even though he has the power to stop it this time… then how on earth is he ever going to be good enough to clear his father’s name in Great Britain? He simply has to be good enough, there is no other option.

He says as much himself in the trial’s recess, after Ryunosuke’s protected him from the ultimatum by defending himself, and yet Kazuma announces that he’ll give up on his trip anyway if they lose this case: “If I’m the kind of man who can’t help his best friend avert the worst crisis of his life… I shouldn’t waste everyone’s time by going to study overseas anyway.” That line means so much more when you know what “studying overseas” truly means to Kazuma.

Ryunosuke reflects about this decision of his that “that’s the kind of true friend he is,” but… that’s not really it at all. This is not actually about Kazuma being willing to sacrifice his chance to go to Britain for the sake of his best friend. This is about Kazuma’s utter inability to accept the idea of failure, and how badly he would fall apart if he did.

Coping with (near-) failure

And then… Kazuma basically does fail in that trial. There’s one awful moment at which he’s completely given up and can’t see any possible way out, and it’s only thanks to Ryunosuke that their case is salvaged. If Kazuma had actually been the one defending Ryunosuke, like he was supposed to be, Ryunosuke would have been found guilty. Kazuma would have lost his best friend, along with all faith in his own ability to put things right in Britain.

(It’s also interesting to think about why Kazuma fails. He approaches Brett’s first testimony with a firm Plan in mind – to prove that she had a way to hide a gun on her person. So when the apparent way to prove that turns out to be a dead end, he can’t see any other way forward. Meanwhile, Ryunosuke has no real sense of a plan at all and is just desperately grasping at any tiny detail that could mean something, leading to him noticing the burn mark that proves the victim was actually poisoned. Ryunosuke is a good defence lawyer, because defence lawyers have to constantly improvise new lines of reasoning to react to whatever curveballs the prosecution or witnesses throw at them! And the fact that Kazuma’s more skilled at setting out a clear plan from the beginning and less able to roll with the punches when unexpected twists happen goes to show that he was really always more suited for prosecution.)

Of course, since Ryunosuke did manage to save himself and things turned out all right in the end, Kazuma’s able to more or less – on the surface – gloss over the part where he basically failed when it mattered. He’s still desperate enough to go to Britain that he’s not about to give up on everything over a slip-up that didn’t end up having any actual consequences. But this near-failure of his nonetheless clearly bothers Kazuma a lot.

For that matter, it also bothers him that Ryunosuke took over his own defence at all, out of a desire to protect Kazuma, as if he felt Kazuma needed protecting and might not be good enough to win the case on his own. Of course Ryunosuke didn’t at all do it out of a lack of faith in Kazuma’s abilities – he just wanted to make sure that if things somehow went badly anyway, his friend didn’t have to suffer as well. But Kazuma certainly took it as Ryunosuke lacking faith in him. And then the events of the trial, that failure of a moment where Kazuma gave up, would have only cemented it in his head that Ryunosuke was right to.

Another of the delightful subtle things going on in Japan DLC is that Kazuma is really desperate to make up for his perceived failure and inadequacy in Ryunosuke’s trial. It’s set ten days later, as Kazuma receives a rather ambiguously-worded telegram from Susato and Ryunosuke about “new charges” and rushes to the courthouse, fiercely determined to defend his best friend and do it right this time. He doesn’t even bother reading the actual charges document, apparently feeling that he doesn’t need to, that perhaps if he gives himself a handicap by going in completely unprepared then he’ll just prove himself more when he wins anyway. Ryunosuke tries to tell him something, and Kazuma cuts him off, assuming that Ryunosuke wants to defend himself again, and insists that no, really, let him do it this time.

And then the trial begins with Kazuma making an absolute fool of himself when it turns out that he is the defendant, actually, and it was never Ryunosuke at all. This is quite possibly the only time in Ace Attorney where a protagonist, given one of those blatantly obvious can-you-read-the-Court-Record tutorial questions, is very clearly meant to have canonically got it wrong. Kazuma is so desperate to make up for his “failure” in defending Ryunosuke during 1-1 that he tunnel-visions hilariously hard on the completely false idea of his friend being the defendant again, just so that he can have an opportunity to do so. (Which also tracks with how very prone Kazuma is to tunnel-visioning on things that aren’t true in general.)

(What is Kazuma on trial for in Japan DLC? Again, not gonna tell you; go watch it yourself, because it is good Kazuma content.)

A friend-shaped package

Of course, Kazuma’s “failure” during Ryunosuke’s trial, and the fact that Ryunosuke was the one to pull things back on track with his surprising talent at lawyering, also leads to the very important event of Kazuma asking Ryunosuke to stow away with him to Great Britain. The trial must have dealt a huge blow to his ability to believe that he’d be good enough to find the truth about his father – but it also handed him a potential solution to that problem: his best friend. Kazuma can reassure himself that even if there comes another moment where he falters and can’t see any path forward, if Ryunosuke’s with him, then he’ll be able to see the way to the truth in Kazuma’s place.

That said, though, it’s subtly noticeable that Kazuma wanted Ryunosuke to join him in Great Britain anyway, even before the trial where he saw just how much potential his friend has as a lawyer. He casually suggests Ryunosuke should come with him while they’re chatting about it at the restaurant, in a way that makes it sound mostly like a joke, but I suspect he was hoping that Ryunosuke would bite and take the offer seriously. It’s also rather telling that he never actually explains to Ryunosuke that his lawyer talents are the reason why he’s asking him to come, once he actually officially asks after the trial – strongly suggesting that they aren’t really the main reason why at all.

The real crux of it is that Kazuma just doesn’t want to be alone while facing something as huge and painful and frightening as what happened to his father in Britain, not to mention the awful false promise he’s had to make in order to finally reach it. He just wants his best friend there by his side to make it all more bearable. Of course he does. So would anybody.

But Kazuma’s inability to acknowledge that he’s having painful feelings about any of this makes him completely incapable of admitting that this is the real reason, even to himself. Which is why he cannot bring himself to outright ask Ryunosuke for that favour until the trial gives him an excuse to do so. Now he has a proper, material reason why Ryunosuke can help him in Great Britain, both with his father’s case and also potentially with that awkward looming assassination issue. It’s a good reason, see, one that has nothing to do with his feelings, because he doesn’t have any of those and anyway something like that wouldn’t be a valid reason to ask his best friend to uproot his entire life for several years. (It would, Kazuma; Ryunosuke would absolutely do that for you if he knew how afraid you were about this.) …And yet, this excuse is really mostly for himself, since he never actually gets around to explaining any of it to Ryunosuke.

Well, no – Kazuma does sort of tell Ryunosuke about some of it on the Burya. He makes an attempt, at least, but he doesn’t get much further than “if you became a lawyer, then…” (you could defend me if the assassination mission gets me arrested), and “there’s something very important I have to do” (clear my father’s name and avenge him). I also get the impression that their conversation about it on the Burya is the first time Kazuma ever tells Ryunosuke the name of Karuma… which is probably the closest he can manage to get at that moment to talking about his father, since his love for his father is so deeply entwined with his love for his precious sword.

Kazuma clearly wants to finally open up and trust his best friend with this huge burden of his, now that he’s directly asking him for material help with it (and emotional support, not that he’d be able to admit that part). But close to a decade of believing that he can’t ever tell anyone the truth about his father’s death is not a habit easily broken, especially when it’s so tied up with all the painful feelings that he’s unconsciously suppressing so hard. Maybe Kazuma would have eventually worked up the courage to tell Ryunosuke everything somewhere during the two-month voyage, if it’d proceeded as normal. But unfortunately, tragedy struck before he could reach that point, changing the trajectory of Kazuma’s path completely.

Part 2: Great Britain

Unusual amnesia

I happen to have some rather unique feelings on the topic of Kazuma’s amnesia, in large part because I spent an awfully long time in my first playthrough utterly convinced that he was faking it. (It’s probably only thanks to the unusual circumstances of me playing the game that I ended up thinking that – I had seen a fan-translation of the first game and remembered Kazuma’s name appearing in a Secret Government Message, and had also been spoiled for his survival, which led to me imagining there was a lot more Secrecy involved in his upcoming role in the second game than there actually was.) This resulted in me writing a whole AU fic in which Kazuma actually was faking it, to explore why he plausibly might have done so and how he would have felt doing it.

Buuut I am fully aware that that’s not actually the intended canon reading, so I’m putting all that aside here to talk about the canon version of events (while also discussing why I had some very valid reasons to latch onto my alternative theory).

Here’s the thing about Kazuma’s amnesia: it’s not the regular garden-variety kind of amnesia. It can’t be, because if it was, then his actions in the 2-3 scene on the experiment stage where Susato recognises him wouldn’t make any goddamn sense.

There he is, an amnesiac who’s been compelled to come to London for some mysterious purpose he must be dying to know more about. And for the very first time since he woke up with no memories, here’s someone who seems to know who he is, is asking to talk to him, even calling out to him with a name that feels strangely familiar. Any regular amnesiac would realise that this person could help them regain their memories, and would eagerly take such a person up on that offer to talk and learn more about their forgotten self.

But Kazuma? He just turns around and leaves, barely acknowledging Susato or her reaction at all, literally not even looking at her or Ryunosuke for the entirety of the scene! And we can’t put this down to Stronghart’s ridiculous rule that he’s not allowed to talk to anybody, either, because when has Kazuma ever heeded arbitrary rules when something he cares about is at stake? On the surface, it makes absolutely no sense for the amnesiac Kazuma to respond to Susato’s outburst by just leaving. No wonder I thought he was faking it – that would be a perfectly fitting explanation for that scene!

But since he’s not faking it, what’s actually going on with Kazuma’s amnesia is that it has to be of the PTSD-driven variety.

It’s a lot like Daley Vigil’s, in that sense. We get some glimpses of how Vigil’s mind had warped itself in such a way as to avoid thinking about the traumatic memories he wanted to run away from, even when it went against all logic. It really didn’t make sense for him to have willingly quit his well-paid job at the prison to become a street pedlar, but he just… never quite manages to think that through and make that connection.

Similarly, Kazuma’s subconscious is steering him away from any reminder of his true identity, even though it goes against the conscious logic of him wanting to understand why he’s here in London. He ignores and avoids responding to these people who seem to know him, due to some deep and primal part of him that’s desperate to protect him from the painful truth of who he is and his mission. He probably doesn’t even consciously understand why he ignores them and leaves; he just does so, and then never thinks about it much, because his subconscious doesn’t want him to question it.

During van Zieks’s trial when Vigil is on the stand and it’s become apparent that his memory of ten years ago is hazy, Kazuma is the first one to suggest that he outright has amnesia (despite not having evidence for it like Ryunosuke does), and he gives a speech describing how such a thing can be caused by trauma. And the way he gives this speech is so very telling. It’s a lot more evocative than you’d expect for something he’d otherwise have just read or heard about somewhere, and he even uses “we” language for it, which he wouldn’t normally do when giving an example. It all reads as very suspiciously specific – as if this is as close as Kazuma can bear to come to admitting that this is something he’s been through himself.

Kazuma got amnesia not just from the injury he received on the Burya. It was more that the injury happened to trigger the deep, aching part of him that just wanted to run away from everything he is and is headed towards. To run away from the agony of his father’s death, and the fury towards his killers, and the unimaginable burden of having to put everything right in Great Britain. In that moment of traumatic injury, that part won out and managed to suppress all of that pain, to hide it where he couldn’t reach it - but everything was so intertwined with his very identity that it ended up hiding that too. There was a part of Kazuma so traumatised by everything he is, so desperate to make the pain stop, that all it could do was make him not be Kazuma Asogi any more.

And yet, it couldn’t block out everything. Kazuma’s sheer determination to make it to Great Britain at all costs was so deeply ingrained into him that it lingered, as the voice that compelled him relentlessly to London. Kazuma couldn’t do anything but follow that voice, making it all the way there all on his own against all the odds, despite not understanding why, despite subconsciously not wanting to remember why. He spent all those months with amnesia trapped in a mental war between the part of him that wanted to run away from it all, and the part of him that needed to run towards it. And of course the latter won out in the end.

The pain of remembering

Considering that Kazuma’s amnesia wasn’t just regular amnesia but his psyche trying to block out actual trauma, regaining his memories must have been agony for him. Especially so considering that the trigger was seeing his father as the Professor. No wonder he screamed as it all came flooding back.

It also means it’s not as strange as it might seem that his reunion with his friends in that scene is actually remarkably brief. Literally all he says to them is thanking Susato for taking care of Ryunosuke, and thanking Ryunosuke for taking care of Karuma, and that’s it. Hardly the heartfelt reunion with long-lost friends who’d thought he was dead for months that you’d expect him to have. This was another of the things that made me seriously side-eye the legitimacy of Kazuma’s amnesia on my first playthrough, because he was being so weirdly cagey about things. But that was because, at the time, I didn’t realise just how bad Kazuma is at talking about his feelings. He must have been in emotional agony for that whole scene, but of course he couldn’t let anyone see that, not even his closest friends (and especially not van Zieks, who must have still been silently present even though he vanishes from the Cutscene after a certain point). So instead, Kazuma just… leaves to cope with everything alone. If he’s going to break down over this overwhelming flood of emotion, he can do it where nobody else will see him. Just like he always has done, with all of the pain he's carrying.

Yet despite the agony that remembering caused him, Kazuma has absolutely no regrets about having done so. With his memories back, he’s once again fully on board with how overwhelmingly important his mission is, even if he may now somewhat understand why part of him wanted to lock it away. His conviction that facing the truth is always better, no matter how much it hurts, is likely a big factor in why he was so ruthlessly willing to force the truth out of Vigil’s mind, even though he knows the cost of doing so better than anyone else in that courtroom.

The pain of his amnesia – both having it and recovering from it – is also bound to play a big role in Kazuma continuing to avoid and be distant from Ryunosuke and Susato in the following days. Just before leaving the courtroom, he vaguely implies that he intends to catch up with them sometime… but then he doesn’t even contact them for over a week until they’re brought face-to-face again because of van Zieks’s arrest.

Kazuma must have expected the catching-up conversation with his friends to involve all sorts of questions about his amnesia, and about his father, and all of the pain he's been carrying. He just can’t bring himself to face that pain, so he puts it off, tells himself it’s less important than everything else he’s got to focus on now. Talking to Ryunosuke out of necessity because they’re opponents in a trial is much easier for Kazuma than opening up to his best friend about his feelings. Even when Ryunosuke and Susato come to his office to ask him about his father, Kazuma tries to brush off the topic by saying that they already know what happened and so they should already understand. It takes Ryunosuke asking in no uncertain terms to hear it from Kazuma himself to get him to actually talk about it. And even then, as he’s telling his story, Kazuma never once mentions how any of it made him feel.

In fact, there’s lot of times during Resolve (whereas he does it maybe only once or twice in Adventures?) that Kazuma addresses Ryunosuke with his full name. It comes across as strangely pompous and distanced, like he’s trying to put up a barrier between himself and his best friend, so that Ryunosuke won’t be able to see how much he’s hurting. Or perhaps it’s also because Ryunosuke is now his opponent in van Zieks’s trial, the person trying to defend and believe in that monster, and that’s easier for Kazuma to deal with if he puts more distance between them.

It's really kind of heartbreaking to think how this distance between Kazuma and Ryunosuke is largely the fault of the accident on the Burya. Even though Kazuma survived it, it drove a wedge between him and his friend all the same. Kazuma was at least attempting to work up to telling Ryunosuke the truth about his father while on the ship, but here and now in London, he barely wants to talk about it even when it’s right there in front of them. Being separated from his friends and forgetting he had them entirely shunted Kazuma right back into his usual mindset of having to do everything completely alone and rely on nobody but himself. That regained habit stuck around even once he’d remembered them – after all, having a friend he could rely on was never something he’d actively sought out in the first place.

But Kazuma barely realises what he’s missing out on, just like he never did before. Not when he’s far too focused on the mission to avenge his father that’s now finally within his reach.

The despicable Reaper

Kazuma must have had quite the shock, upon regaining his memories, to find himself already under the tutelage of Barok van Zieks, of all people. The man who wrongfully condemned his father to death, the man Kazuma’s loathed for so many years and been so determined to take his revenge on once he made it to Great Britain. And on top of this man being the effective murderer of Kazuma’s father, it turns out that he’s also the Reaper of the Bailey, a serial killer who murders every innocent defendant that he fails to convict in court.

With his regained memories, Kazuma would have latched onto the rumour that van Zieks is the Reaper and seen it as the inarguable truth the very second he thought about it, because it makes far-too-tragically-perfect sense in his head. He’s grown up coping with his grief by clinging to his hatred of van Zieks as this monster who killed his innocent father, because he’s just that terrible. So it just makes sense to him that van Zieks would continue to do that with everyone else he prosecutes, no matter how innocent they may be. Kazuma says himself, when arguing for why van Zieks would have wanted to murder Jigoku for his petty crime, “Isn’t the whole premise of the Reaper absurd, killing those who have been found innocent? Clearly the rules by which the man operates… are beyond a sane person’s comprehension!” There simply doesn’t need to be any actual rhyme or reason behind van Zieks killing someone, in Kazuma’s mind.

As I said earlier: I extremely strongly believe that Kazuma knew about van Zieks from the moment he read that fateful letter, and has hated him for all those years. His hatred is too irrational to not have been born from the emotions of a broken grieving teenager desperate for someone to blame. Van Zieks is the monster under the bed, the bogeyman who destroyed Kazuma’s entire life – of course he’s the Reaper as well.

A fun little detail of Kazuma’s constant seething hatred towards van Zieks is that he almost never refers to him as “Lord van Zieks” while he still sees him as the enemy. That happens only a tiny handful of times, like three or four, whereas the rest of the time he sticks to “the Reaper” (which he obviously is, right), “the accused”, or simply “Barok van Zieks”. While simply calling him “van Zieks” without a title would probably be considered rude and be called out, Kazuma clearly does not want to afford this man the dignity and respect of being referred to as “Lord” if he can help it, so he goes out of his way to avoid doing so most of the time.

One courtroom-language quirk I noticed while paying attention to this is that the term “defendant” is only used by the defence, and meanwhile the prosecution will always refer to the same person as the “accused”. With this in mind, it’s very interesting to consider that when Kazuma presents the noticeboard of Reaper cases and talks about the victims, he refers to them as van Zieks’s past “defendants”. He is thinking about them from a defence lawyer’s perspective – meaning he believes they were innocent. And van Zieks, that monster, had them killed anyway, because killing innocent people for no reason is just what van Zieks does, right?

(Kazuma is also apparently able to employ some mental gymnastics on the topic of Asman, who was guilty as sin but got acquitted due to corruption. Kazuma would have helped van Zieks work on that case and therefore surely must have been aware of just how awful Asman was. This would, you’d think, paint a picture in his head of the usual kind of people van Zieks prosecutes and that maybe several of those killed by the Reaper weren’t actually so innocent after all. But it seems like Kazuma manages to file that away in his head as Irrelevant, because it contradicts the monstrous image of van-Zieks-the-killer-of-innocents that he’s clung to for so long. Probably helped by the fact that he had amnesia at the time of the Asman case, so it all feels very separate from his reborn hatred and is easy to brush off.)

Revived as a prosecutor

Kazuma must have also got quite a shock at the other part of the situation he suddenly found himself in when he regained his memories, which is that, oh look, he’s a prosecutor now. Earlier I discussed my thoughts on why he stuck to his promise to his father of being a defence lawyer and never considered switching to prosecution even though it would actually be more practical for his ultimate goal. But now that he’s here, in Great Britain, with his father’s case coming into the open and van Zieks right there within his grasp… how can he turn down such a perfect opportunity?

Still, he’s not entirely happy about it. He’s not able to admit that, not even to himself, because he can’t be allowing himself to have doubts about something that’s such a necessary part of his mission now. The only indications that he’s conflicted about this are in his body language: when he talks about how he’s a prosecutor now instead of a defence lawyer, he tends to appear more hesitant and less sure of himself than usual.

(At least he can take solace in the fact that his will to be a lawyer hasn’t vanished entirely, because Ryunosuke’s there, carrying it on in his place, being exactly the kind of lawyer Kazuma was trying to be. That means a lot to Kazuma, no doubt helping to alleviate some of his guilt about abandoning that promise he made to his father so long ago.)

Kazuma’s hesitancy around the idea of being a prosecutor now is bound to be wrapped up in the fact that it was a prosecutor who got his father killed. In fact, when Susato tries to argue that van Zieks was simply doing his job in convicting Genshin and deserves no blame, Kazuma shuts that idea right down: “It’s people who condemn people. The law is just a tool they use to do it.” Out of his sheer desperation to have a target, a person, whom he can hate and blame, he chose to take on a worldview that allows him to view van Zieks as the man who personally murdered his father. Clearly the law itself, as a flawed system, wasn’t a satisfying enough target to hate in the midst of his grief.

But this mindset of Kazuma’s gets very awkward if you follow the logic through to its natural conclusion. Prosecutors are always condemning people to death, and that’s perfectly legal and acceptable so long as the accused is truly guilty. If the law is simply a tool, the same as a sword, then… wouldn’t that also make it equally acceptable to straight-up murder someone if they’re guilty of a capital crime? Doesn’t that mean that vigilante justice is right and justified? Doesn’t that make what the Reaper does justified?

I don’t think Kazuma’s actually thought this through that far. He never shows the slightest hint of feeling like the Reaper’s actions are justified, at any point, even after he’s dropped the irrational conviction that all the victims were innocents. According to this logic, it would have been right for him to personally murder Gregson for playing a part in killing his father – but he’s clearly horrified by the dark impulse within him that wanted to do just that. Despite the words Kazuma came up with to give himself an excuse to blame and hate van Zieks, his base sense of decency and honour still instinctively feels that vigilante justice is wrong and that true justice can only be carried out through the courts.

Nonetheless, it’s got to be nagging at the back of Kazuma’s mind in his newfound position: that thought that by being a prosecutor he’s effectively killing people, and it’s only acceptable if they’re truly guilty, but if he ever gets it wrong then he’s basically committing manslaughter at best. Geez. I hope that sometime after the end of the game, he rethinks his “the law is just a tool” mindset, because continuing to be a prosecutor while feeling like that makes him effectively a killer cannot be healthy for him, even if he is doing it to combat the “demons” of society.

(The actual answer to this seeming moral conundrum is that the death penalty is wrong and barbaric, and that nobody truly deserves to die for being guilty of a bad enough crime, whether their sentence is carried out via the law or not. It’s got to be rough for Kazuma and van Zieks and every other Ace Attorney prosecutor stuck working with a system where they routinely send people to their deaths.)

The assassination mission

In the week after regaining his memories, Kazuma must have been busy using his status as an apprentice prosecutor to search for every scrap of information he could about the Professor case, in the hope of finding something he could use against van Zieks. (Far too busy to get around to contacting his friends, of course.) But in amongst that, he’d also be haunted by the other thing he’d remembered – that someone in Britain expects him to assassinate Gregson.

Imagine his panic and horror when he’s approached in secret by Gregson himself, of all people, to talk to him about an assassination. Kazuma must have had to put on one hell of a poker face until he re-oriented himself and realised that Gregson was actually talking about having Kazuma help him assassinate somebody else, for the Reaper.

The actual purpose of this mission is, of course, not a real Reaper killing and very much to give either Kazuma or Jigoku the chance to kill Gregson. But, as I’ve already discussed, Kazuma is completely convinced that the Reaper – who is obviously van Zieks, right – would just want to kill Jigoku for that petty crime he got acquitted for ten years ago. So Kazuma definitely buys that this is a genuine Reaper mission.

Still, he must have wondered if there wasn’t more to it. See, the Reaper mastermind himself never approached Kazuma to get him to agree to be the assassin here (he can’t have, or Kazuma would have learned it isn’t van Zieks), so it must have been Gregson who was Kazuma’s only point of contact. And yet, Gregson wouldn’t have done so without expecting Kazuma to be fully on board – meaning the Reaper also expected Kazuma to accept the mission. Which is a hell of a thing to expect someone to agree to out of nowhere… unless said person knew Kazuma had agreed to a different assassination mission already. From this situation he’s found himself in here, Kazuma would be able to deduce that the Reaper is the same person who masterminded his exchange assassination, and that actually this is also the mission to assassinate Gregson that he’s been dreading and hoping to avoid forever.

But he can’t just refuse the mission, because this also happens to be his perfect chance. He’s been looking into the fateful autopsy that got his father convicted and knows that Gregson had a hand in it – must have had a hand in forging it, surely, because his father was definitely innocent. The only way Kazuma feels he can be sure of confirming that from Gregson himself is by doing some not-very-legal threatening of his life, and the only place he can do that without getting himself into trouble is while they’re on an illegal mission, something Gregson can’t speak of without incriminating himself.

Which is… actually a terrible approach for Kazuma’s ultimate goal of proving his father’s innocence in court! Not only is he going to have to incriminate himself to even admit that Gregson confessed to anything here, but Kazuma stating what Gregson told him is just hearsay and not admissible in court as actual testimony – to say nothing of the fact that Gregson was being threatened. It simply would not work at all (and it certainly doesn’t get him far when he actually does bring it up). Kazuma ought to know this… but he’s just so desperate to find anything that can even just feel like he’s got Proof of his father’s innocence. He must be so afraid that he’ll never be able to uncover anything that matters if he doesn’t resort to this.

(He said he’d sacrifice anything for this, right? He already has; what’s the big loss from just one more blow to his morality, when it’s already been tarnished?)

Having confirmation for himself that Gregson did indeed forge the autopsy, and did it on somebody’s orders, would nonetheless help Kazuma put some pieces together. He probably already suspected that the person who wanted Gregson dead probably wanted to silence him due to something related to his father’s case, and now he can be even more sure of that. Said person has to be van Zieks, right, since van Zieks is the one who prosecuted and framed his father and is The Worst. And Kazuma’s also now been able to deduce that the exchange mastermind must be the same person as the Reaper. Thus, he can prove that van Zieks is the Reaper!

Kazuma insists to Ryunosuke later in his office that he has proof that van Zieks is the Reaper – and he does, more or less. It’s made from a lot of deductive reasoning that’ll be tricky to have stand up alone in court, it’d require Kazuma to incriminate himself to even talk about (which of course he’d be willing to do, if there was no other way), and it’s based on the completely mistaken premise that van Zieks was the original prosecutor on Genshin’s case… but there is some actual logic there in Kazuma’s head that isn’t just his blind hatred. He’s so furiously determined to prove van Zieks is the Reaper in the trial not only as revenge, but because he knows that in doing so he’ll be bringing things around to his father’s case and proving the fabrication there, thus finally clearing his father’s name.

The demon

Of course, Kazuma really, really wishes that Gregson would just tell him who ordered him to forge the autopsy. He already knows (so he thinks) that it’s van Zieks, but hearing it from Gregson’s own lips would be proof of it. At least, it feels that way, in the heat of that moment in that cabin where he’s able to mostly forget that none of this will stand up in court anyway and is just relishing in finally getting to hear someone admit to how corrupt this all was. If nothing else, he just wants to hear validation of his furious convictions that all of it was van Zieks’s fault.

But as he realises that Gregson will never talk no matter what, Kazuma loses control of his anger. He’s been keeping all of his pain and grief and rage suppressed for so, so long, never letting himself show any of it, only even letting himself feel the anger as long as he can turn it into purpose – he has absolutely no idea how to healthily cope with it. If he’d had anyone at all during his adolescence whom he’d felt safe opening up to and who could have helped him learn to process his emotions, his anger here would have likely been controlled enough to not lead to anything bad. But as it is, it’s been suppressed for so long that it simply explodes out of him. He’s standing in front of this man who’s just admitted to playing a role in his father’s death and yet still won’t give him what he wants, and suddenly Kazuma finds himself overwhelmed with blind fury and wanting to kill him, and—

…The moment is presented ambiguously enough within the game’s format such that one might interpret it as Kazuma deliberately swinging his sword at Gregson’s trunk on the floor or something, redirecting his anger towards the trunk as a proxy for Gregson himself. But I don’t think that can be it. The angle of the gash in the trunk, the direction it’s subtly curving in, doesn’t look like it could reasonably have been made that way by a natural right-handed sword swipe if the trunk was lying upright and open on the floor. It only works if the trunk was open and sideways at the moment of the impact – meaning it must have been held by Gregson, as a shield, to protect himself from Kazuma striking directly at him.

Not only did Kazuma want to kill Gregson in that brief, awful moment – he actually tried to. He’s incredibly lucky that Gregson reacted quickly enough to block it, or he’d have ended up completing his assassination mission after all.

It probably occurred to Kazuma himself just how close he came to this. We know just how haunted he is by the “demon” that he realised was inside him that day. But in true Kazuma style, I suspect he coped with it for the time being by suppressing it and basically trying to forget it had happened, clinging to the notion that Gregson wouldn’t be able to tell anyone what’d happened without admitting to the mission and incriminating himself.

Except that, shortly after Kazuma arrives back in London, he learns that Gregson’s been killed. I wonder if, for a brief horrified moment, he felt like this was karma finishing the deed that Kazuma only didn’t by pure luck, that it might as well have been him…?

…Only for Kazuma to hear, moments later, that van Zieks has been arrested for the crime, having been caught red-handed holding the gun. Everything would have instantly flipped itself around in his head: this is it, the golden opportunity to take that monster down, because van Zieks killed Gregson, and so there’s no need to think about how else it could have gone. On top of all of his usual hatred and furious drive to condemn van Zieks, perhaps just a little bit of Kazuma latching onto this was also fuelled by him desperately wanting to deflect and run away from his own guilt in Gregson’s near-death.

But is van Zieks guilty?

Still. Despite Kazuma’s fervent tunnel-visioning on van Zieks’s guilt for most of the case, one of the most intriguing things – and the biggest reason I found Kazuma so damn hard to get a read on during my first playthrough – is that, actually, not every single part of him is convinced van Zieks really is guilty.

What makes me so sure of this is the photo of van Zieks when he was younger, smiling happily with his brother and Gregson before everything went wrong. That photo is necessary for Ryunosuke to get through to van Zieks’s more vulnerable side and convince him to let Ryunosuke defend him – and it’s Kazuma who gives him the photo.

And, sure, Kazuma had plenty of reason to want Ryunosuke on the case even if there’s not an ounce of him that thinks van Zieks might be innocent, simply because he wants his best friend there opposite him as he uncovers the truth of his father’s case. But that alone doesn’t explain why Kazuma knew the photo would work on van Zieks. That means that there’s a part of Kazuma capable of acknowledging that van Zieks is a person who’s suffered (just like Kazuma has) and cannot actually be a heartless monster who murders innocents for no reason.

Of course, Kazuma barely acknowledges the part of him that’s thinking this. He’s extremely evasive in that entire conversation, especially when asked why he’s giving them the photo. (And he’s also very evasive when asked about Klint’s portrait in his office, for the same reason.) He doesn’t want to accept that he’s not actually one hundred percent all-in on his conviction that van Zieks is The Worst, because he can’t allow himself to be having doubts and to possibly be wrong in his mission that he’s worked so hard for.

And yet… though he could never admit it, that has to be a part of why he wants Ryunosuke to defend van Zieks. If it should happen that Kazuma is wrong after all, he trusts his best friend to be able to see the truth about van Zieks and prove it to him. He trusts Ryunosuke to save him from himself before he goes too far and condemns an innocent man to the same fate as his father.

Going native

As we move into the trial and see Kazuma stand as a prosecutor in the British courts for the first time, there’s a few more interesting little things about his character that become noticeable. One subtle thing going on with his demeanour here is that he appears to be putting in a conscious effort to appear as British as possible, despite his obvious heritage, in a lot of small ways. It’s in a pointed contrast to Ryunosuke, who remains unapologetically Japanese the whole time.

At one point in the trial, Kazuma describes a short distance using inches, the (at the time) British measurement. Later on, Ryunosuke describes the very same short distance using centimetres, the Japanese measurement, which goes to show that going out of one’s way to use inches isn’t a necessary part of speaking English as a non-native – and yet Kazuma does so anyway. Kazuma has a very pronounced English-style bowing animation, whereas Ryunosuke… well, he doesn’t have a bowing animation at all, but I can’t imagine him bowing in any way other than the Japanese one. And while Kazuma’s outfit changing to an English one wasn’t his choice, I suspect he might have made that decision anyway if it’d been up to him – meanwhile Ryunosuke keeps his Yumei uniform the whole time and never even considers dressing like anything other than the Japanese student that he is.

(And of course Kazuma doesn’t put his headband back on even though it’s right there wrapped around Karuma’s sheath, not only because it’s a Japanese style, but also because that headband was there as a reminder of his failure. Can’t be having any of that while he’s here in Britain and cannot afford to fail.)

Kazuma’s insistence on going native is particularly exemplified in a few jabs he makes at Ryunosuke in court, to the effect of “don’t imagine that a lowly foreign student like you would be allowed there”. Ryunosuke is quite understandably bewildered at the obvious hypocrisy of these comments, and I find that hypocrisy fascinating, because it’s almost… insecure of Kazuma? I believe what’s going on is that Kazuma is desperately projecting his own status as a lowly foreign student onto Ryunosuke alone, in an attempt to create a fantasy where he isn’t and is above that and will be treated with greater respect by the British judiciary.

After all, Kazuma is well aware that ten years ago his father was also “just a foreign student” and that this was likely part of why he was scapegoated and powerless to properly defend himself from the charges. (And, though not quite how Kazuma’s imagining it, that was indeed Stronghart’s excuse for not following up on Genshin’s suspicions of Klint, leading Genshin to take matters into his own hands and seal his fate.) So Kazuma feels like he needs to ingratiate himself into the British judiciary and act exactly like one of them in every possible way, so that they’ll respect him and listen to him and take his arguments seriously when he starts revealing the truth. It's painfully ironic, how he feels like he has to become the same as the very group of people who got his father killed.

(The one exception to this, the one part of his Japanese culture that he refuses to suppress no matter what, is Karuma. Because of course it is. Kazuma will not disrespect his father’s soul for anything.)

Not lying

I spent a lot of my first playthrough of the final case, given that I’d figured out he was with Gregson on the day of the murder, assuming that Kazuma must have been telling a whole bunch of lies in order to hide this. But, as it turns out, replaying while knowing exactly what went down on the Grouse and exactly how much Kazuma is aware of… he never tells a single direct lie at all. It’s really quite impressive, given just how much he’s hiding, that he manages to do so while never actively lying about anything. He has to be making a deliberate effort to do that, because lying would be easier.

In fact, the only time in the entire game that Kazuma ever lies about anything is during Escapade 2, on the Burya, when he absolutely has to in order to protect Ryunosuke from being discovered. He even thinks to himself, “I’d be lying if I said no”, before he actually says anything untrue out loud, as if he’s hesitating for a moment upon realising he’s got no choice but to lie here.

Most people would consider hiding the truth, in any way, to be just about as morally bad as lying, but Kazuma is freely willing to do the former all the time while going out of his way to avoid doing the latter unless it’s completely necessary. It’s an odd moral priority to have… which is what makes me suspect that this might be a principle of his that he learned from his father and therefore cares immensely about sticking to the very word of, even if what Genshin meant by “you shouldn’t lie” was probably something closer to “you shouldn’t deceive people”. (…That said, Genshin kept a lot of secrets of his own and had a hidden compartment in his sword for the purpose of doing just that, so perhaps he also had some slightly skewed priorities about deception. And, of course, he did eventually end up breaking this principle and lying with his confession – for Kazuma’s sake.)

Granted, most of Kazuma’s careful avoidance of lying happens in court, and could therefore be simply put down to him not wanting to be accused of perjury… but there is one very interesting example of him doing this outside of the courtroom. If you investigate the portrait of Klint in his office, Ryunosuke asks if Kazuma knows who it is, and Kazuma’s response is extremely evasive, with “Why would I?” and “I wouldn’t have the first clue what [van Zieks] decorates his office with”. It’s very striking when usually Kazuma would just give a straight yes or no answer to such a question. The real truth appears to be that he does realise this is van Zieks’s esteemed brother who was killed, but he doesn’t want to acknowledge that (as mentioned earlier, because that would involve acknowledging that van Zieks is a human person who is suffering) – however, he also doesn’t want to lie and say he doesn’t know, hence the evasive response that gives that impression without outright lying. It would cost Kazuma nothing to lie here, but he goes out of his way to avoid doing so anyway!

(He also exercises his expertise in hiding things without directly lying when it comes to how he’s feeling, of course. When he sees Ryunosuke and Susato again in Stronghart’s office after regaining his memories, he apologises for worrying them, and then, after a pause as if he’s searching for words, reassures them by saying “It’ll be alright now.” Not “I’m alright”, because he isn’t, and saying that would be a lie.)

Definitely not corrupt

Along similar lines to his insistence on not lying, Kazuma also really cares about giving off the impression that he’s being as honourable and above-board as possible during the trial. When Ryunosuke presents the alternative theory of how the Fresno Street scene could have been a set-up and Gregson was actually killed elsewhere a day earlier, Kazuma makes a big point of how this is only conjecture, but the whole judiciary is watching and he can’t allow the slightest doubt, so he’s going to pursue the possibility anyway. It reads a little like he's trying to stress how very rigorous and thorough he’s being, entertaining this conjecture from the defence just to be sure they do things right. (After all, he’s convinced himself it is just conjecture, because van Zieks is definitely guilty, right.) He’s also able to come across this way in the part on the second day where he admits he only brought up the smuggling angle because he was instructed to, but he disagrees and is now going to reveal the real truth that the Prosecutor’s Office was trying to hide.

Kazuma’s insistence on this is less specifically about his father’s principles (though there’s still probably a bit of that). It’s more just that he believes that van Zieks, and the British judiciary in general, was unforgivably corrupt in convicting his father, and he’s absolutely determined to be the complete opposite of that. When van Zieks calls him out for being in danger of becoming an “even more sinister Reaper” than him in the way he’s pursuing this case, Kazuma suppresses most of his reaction but is clearly Not Happy at that insinuation. He can’t stand the idea that he’s being a hypocrite, only able to clear his father’s name and condemn his killer using the same corrupt tactics and twisting of the truth that happened ten years ago.

And yet. Van Zieks may be a little off about the corruptness of the particular testimony that he calls Kazuma out on this for, but on the whole, he’s really kind of got a point. Kazuma’s approach to this entire trial, despite the way he tries to insist he’s doing this properly and righteously, is actually remarkably dodgy! It would make this post even more ridiculously long than it’s already being if I talked about every little bit of this (though maybe I will try and make another post going into this in more detail), but let me at least take you through some of the major strokes here.

[[Hey, guess what: I ended up making multiple other posts analysing Kazuma throughout the trial in line-by-line detail, which you can check out on my other blog here!]]

Questionable tactics

Prosecutors in Ace Attorney very rarely call the accused themselves to the stand, as it’s usually not necessary. Kazuma does it anyway, twice, despite it being thoroughly unnecessary here too. It’s all so that he can tear van Zieks’s testimony apart – which is not supposed to be the prosecutor’s job, but Kazuma’s still somewhat thinking like a defence lawyer – and make him guilty of perjury on top of everything else. The first time he calls van Zieks, Kazuma makes a point that “he believes in the oath of office he’s taken and will be compelled to tell the truth”, while fully intending to prove that he’s lying. The second time, later on day 3 once it’s been proven that van Zieks did not shoot Gregson and was not lying at all in his first testimony, Kazuma again tries to get him to “lie” by testifying that he had no involvement in the assassin exchange, and points out that if it can be proven he was involved, this would make van Zieks’s words perjury. Kazuma could have perfectly well explained the connection that he believes makes van Zieks the exchange mastermind without needing a testimony! But no. He is so viciously determined to prove to the court not only that van Zieks is a murderer, but also that he’s a horrible lying liar who lies. Which doesn’t seem like the correct priorities for a prosecutor to have.

Then there’s the whole part where Kazuma proposes they examine Gregson’s whereabouts on the day before his body was found, then subtly leads Ryunosuke into suggesting that he was investigating the redheads at Lime Park. Kazuma knows full well Gregson wasn’t there at all, because he was personally accompanying Gregson to Dunkirk that day. But he just… quietly doesn’t mention that fact (while being careful not to lie about anything, of course), and lets the court spend several testimonies on what he knows is a complete wild goose chase.

On my second playthrough of the case, I wondered if maybe Kazuma had somehow found out about Daley Vigil being Gregson’s fake-alibi man, and he pursued this line of questioning about the redheads because he knew it would end up with Vigil on the stand, thus letting him get answers about his father’s execution. But that can’t be it, because Kazuma is visibly surprised both upon learning about the fake alibi thing and also learning who Vigil is at all. Finding Vigil here can’t have been anything but a lucky coincidence for him.

So if that’s not why Kazuma lets this happen, then the real reason has to be, largely, that… it’s just a huge diversion ploy. He knows that whatever truth Ryunosuke does uncover about why on earth one of Gregson’s diaries mentioned Lime Park that day (something he’s bound to be a little bit curious about himself), it’s going to involve conclusively proving that Gregson was not murdered there. Kazuma then uses this misdirection to argue that this “completely destroys the defence’s case”, as if Gregson not being murdered at Lime Park on the 31st (because he wasn’t even there) means he must have been killed on the 1st at Fresno Street after all. That’s obviously nonsense, because we still haven’t looked into where Gregson really was on the 31st! It’s a little unclear how well this argument would have worked out for Kazuma, though, because he promptly gets sidetracked by the Vigil thing, which leads to an abrupt end to the trial day.

Chronic tunnel-visioning

The next day of the trial, after seeming like he cares about doing this honourably by subtly allowing Ryunosuke to see through the whole made-up smuggling angle that he was ordered by Stronghart to pursue – which really he does so that he can reveal that Gregson was working for the Reaper – Kazuma then proceeds to spin the absolute most bonkers line of so-called logic we’ve seen from him yet. It gets a little waylaid by Ryunosuke managing to prove that Kazuma was with Gregson that day as the assassin, but ultimately, Kazuma’s argument is as follows:

Gregson was ordered to kill Jigoku that day, and since he failed (because Kazuma refused to do it, not through any fault of Gregson’s, mind you), van Zieks, who is obviously the Reaper’s mastermind (still zero proof of this base premise to all his arguments) therefore must have killed Gregson as punishment for disappointing him. Kazuma acts so certain of this argument, like this is proof that van Zieks did it. But even if this didn’t rely on the completely unfounded base premise that van Zieks is the Reaper, and also the flimsy idea that Gregson was at fault for the mission failure, this still proves nothing but van Zieks’s potential motive, and not that he actually killed anyone!

(This isn’t the only time Kazuma argues using the base premise that van Zieks is the Reaper without backing it up – it also fuels half of his basis for calling van Zieks’s first testimony a lie, because obviously the Reaper must be lying about having never visited his own hideout before, right.)

And then Kazuma brings up Jigoku’s disappearance and makes an even worse argument: that van Zieks totally still wanted to kill Jigoku anyway, badly enough that he was willing to send some other assassin after him from prison (something he’s totally capable of, somehow, because uhhhhhh Reaper). Therefore, Jigoku’s disappearance proves that van Zieks had him killed, and thus also that van Zieks killed Gregson. Definitely no other possibility, not that if Jigoku’s missing it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s dead, nor that if he has been murdered it could possibly be the work of anyone other than van Zieks. If something bad has happened, then it must be because van Zieks’s is the Absolute Worst.

All of this backwards logic falls apart in an instant if you even just briefly entertain the possibility that van Zieks isn’t the Reaper and isn’t the Worst Person Ever. But Kazuma’s not being corrupt here on purpose – he’s just so horrendously, tragically tunnel-visioned into his reality where van Zieks is a monster that he genuinely can’t see how broken his logic is. He’s so convinced that van Zieks must be the Reaper and Gregson’s killer that any events which could be explained by that get twisted around in his head to become further proof of that, proof he’s confident enough to present in court, despite the obvious logical fallacy in that way of thinking. He genuinely seems to believe that this entire argument for van Zieks’s guilt, which hinges on the unfounded premise that we already know he's the Reaper, is going to then prove he’s the Reaper as well. That’s completely circular!

Even when Jigoku’s on the stand the next day, at which point most people’s suspicions would be likely to have shifted at least a little towards him (you know, given the whole fleeing-the-country thing), Kazuma’s opinion hasn’t budged at all. He remains firmly convinced that this is nothing but a dead-end, right up until he simply can’t any longer. When Ryunosuke manages to confirm that there’s blood in Jigoku’s trunk, thus conclusively proving that Gregson was murdered on the Grouse, Kazuma’s reaction is immediate and distinctly shocked – “You can’t be serious! You did it?” He is only realising in this very moment that Gregson’s killer was someone other than van Zieks, and he almost can’t believe it.

And even then, with Jigoku’s confession, Kazuma manages to mental-gymnastics his way into convincing himself that van Zieks definitely still ordered the killing and is therefore still guilty. It’s actually a relevant detail that Jigoku’s setup at Fresno Street was intending to frame Hugh Boone and not van Zieks, because Jigoku would never have tried to frame his superior. This way Kazuma can tell himself that van Zieks just carelessly, foolishly blundered his way into the trap set up by his underling for someone else (it’s a fun contradiction how the van Zieks in Kazuma’s head is simultaneously a terrifying monster and also a blundering fool) and it totally all still makes sense.

Opening his eyes

It really is kind of heartbreaking to see Kazuma, who truly is a highly-skilled lawyer most of the time, descend into desperate obvious fallacies like this. And while Ryunosuke is apparently still caught up enough in his idolisation of Kazuma to not notice any of his flawed logic for most of the trial, he does eventually see how clouded his friend’s mind has become. When van Zieks confirms he knew nothing about the fabrication of the ring in the autopsy, Kazuma brokenly tries to insist that no, it must have been him, it has to be – he’s clung to his hatred of van Zieks as a coping mechanism for his grief for so long that he doesn’t know what to do without it. Ryunosuke takes this opportunity to finally try and talk him down, telling him that his emotions have blinded him to the truth. And in a testament to the strength of their friendship, Kazuma listens and takes his words to heart. Surprisingly quickly, in fact!

Another of the little hints that a buried part of Kazuma was always capable of acknowledging that van Zieks is a good person is that it really doesn’t take long for him to re-evaluate his opinion on the man, once Ryunosuke talks him into letting go of his hatred at last. Only a minute or so later, Kazuma’s able to acknowledge that perhaps van Zieks is the one who’s been deluded all these years, that the reason he condemned Kazuma’s father could be simply that he was mistaken (or misled) about the Professor’s true identity. (Though Kazuma does phrase this statement as if he wasn’t also equally deluded about the real truth of things until just now, which sure is some projecting.) Later on, Kazuma fervently defends van Zieks by praising the strength he showed in enduring the title of Reaper for all these years, which is a remarkable level of acknowledging van Zieks’s suffering and humanity from someone who was until very recently convinced he was nothing but a monster! It just goes to show that Kazuma already did notice all these things about van Zieks during his time as his apprentice. He simply forced himself to suppress and dismiss those thoughts until now because they didn’t fit the villainous image of van Zieks he was so desperately clinging to.

Despite all of the awkwardness and reservations that it’d be difficult to shake completely, Kazuma does express respect for van Zieks at the end of the trial. He’s also clearly determined to keep studying under him, as shown by the fact that he’s the one to encourage van Zieks to keep prosecuting when he’s planning to resign due to his brother’s crimes. I suspect Kazuma wants to study under him not only because van Zieks the most skilled prosecutor in Britain, but also because he’s so incredibly good at not being corrupt despite everything, and Kazuma feels he needs to learn from someone like that, after having come so close to falling prey to his own demons.

Even then, with his respect for van Zieks and determination to learn from him, Kazuma still can’t forgive him for the mistake ten years ago that cost his father’s life. And that’s a heavy fact, considering that Kazuma himself is guilty of very nearly doing as much himself in trying so fervently to convict van Zieks. It would have been exactly the same kind of mistake – condemning an innocent man to death due to overlooking the hints at the real truth out of grief-driven hatred. That Kazuma can’t bring himself to forgive van Zieks for such a thing very strongly implies that he’s also not able to forgive himself for all the mistakes he’s made.

After all, forgiveness as a concept probably doesn’t really exist in Kazuma’s head. For ten years since losing his father, he’d never have felt like he needed it. How would forgiving the monster who destroyed his life have fixed anything? – far better to focus on avenging his father and bringing justice and putting things right. And by that same token… how would forgiving himself fix anything? Yet now here he is at the end, in a position where the healthiest thing to do really would be to forgive both van Zieks and himself for their mistakes and wrongdoings and move forward. But Kazuma doesn’t know how to do so.

And then there’s his father. Kazuma’s learned during this trial that his father – the man he so passionately believed would never take another man’s life, would never engage in underhanded deals, would never tell a lie – did in fact do all of those things ten years ago. It’s going to be tough for him to come to terms with that. But maybe also, that could help him? To realise that even his father, that esteemed paragon of justice in his eyes, was flawed and human, someone who compromised his own morals out of desperation and emotion and trying his best to do the right thing. I really, really hope it stuck with Kazuma that the reason Genshin lied and took the deal with Stronghart was out of love for him. If that’s an understandable enough reason, if that’s something he can forgive his father for, then it ought to be just as understandable and forgivable that Kazuma himself did so many things he regrets out of the very same love for his father.

The other thing I hope Kazuma reflects on is how glad he must be that he brought Ryunosuke to Great Britain. Even though things didn’t turn out remotely as planned, even despite all the awkward painful distance caused by the accident that separated them, Ryunosuke still succeeded in doing exactly what Kazuma brought him for, which was to help him. And that’s not only helping him find the truth, but also helping him do the right thing and not lose himself to his hatred and convict van Zieks. I truly don’t know if Kazuma would ever have been able to forgive himself if van Zieks had actually been wrongfully executed because of him, condemned to the same fate as his father. But that didn’t happen, thanks to Ryunosuke. Kazuma’s best friend managed to save him from himself.

I think Kazuma is at least somewhat aware of this, as indicated in the reason he asks Ryunosuke to hold onto Karuma at the end. Kazuma’s own demons are what caused him to horribly misuse Karuma and lead to it breaking, and he doesn’t trust himself with it any more at present – but he trusts Ryunosuke. On a symbolic level, he’s trusting his best friend to safeguard his soul and keep it from being damaged further, until he feels he’s grown enough to be worthy of it again and to be able to look after it himself.

So even though they’re parting ways for now, I hope Kazuma can look at the importance that his bond with Ryunosuke had in keeping him on the right path, and seek out other opportunities for friendship and connection during his time in Great Britain. More than anything else, what Kazuma needs to fight his demons and stay walking on the path of light is simply to not be alone.

~~~

Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed my thoughts on Kazuma enough to make it all the way to the end of this post, you may also be interested in reading the Kazuma-centric fics I’ve written. They explore a lot of the concepts discussed here and even helped me to figure several of them out in the first place!

Sharing the Pain

An AU in which Ryunosuke and Kazuma are caught out in their stowaway ruse on the Burya, leading to a flogging as punishment. Explores a more vulnerable side of Kazuma than normal, his difficulty opening up to his best friend about his emotions and past even when he wants to, and the way he really just wanted Ryunosuke with him on this trip for emotional support and to not be alone but is completely incapable of admitting it.

Not Forgotten, But

My AU in which Kazuma actually was faking his amnesia, exploring how that might have come about and how it would have affected him. Featuring Kazuma’s hang-ups about the assassination mission, distancing himself from his friends, lots of hatred and mental gymnastics around van Zieks, suppressed trauma about his father’s case, and his inability to acknowledge that he could be having any kind of doubts or regrets about the situation he’s in.

A Friend, Locked Up

Taking place in that same AU where Kazuma was faking his amnesia, this follows up with what I very strongly believe should have happened in canon, namely Kazuma getting arrested for Gregson’s murder halfway through the final case. Includes his perspective of that fateful moment in the cabin with Gregson, and then featuring his suspicious actions and questionable approaches to the case actually collapsing around him in court, bringing Kazuma lower than he ever comes in canon and giving me plenty of opportunity to explore all the reasons he’d have to hate himself, before Ryunosuke pulls him out of that and saves Kazuma from himself in a much more direct way.

[wellspringrpg]

Tumblr Tips for the Twitter Migrant

Hey friends, as a long-time tumblr user who never left, allow me to offer a few tips to make your lives a little bit easier. This is targeted at the twitter community who moved here from the TTRPG community and are looking to run more “formal” blogs.

1. Use your tags!

It’s gonna make your own life ultimately easier. Yes, tumblr’s search functions are questionable, but you can generally rely on being able to find stuff via tag on your blog.

Reblogs do not show up in site-wide searches. So, if you tag a reblog as “pokemon,” it doesn’t show up in the site-wide pokemon tag. Not even if you added something in your reblog. But it will show up on your /tagged/pokemon. This is basically the best way for both you and your followers to be able to find and sort through your own stuff. So if a follower wants to find a specific post of yours, they can go to YourBlog/tagged/my stuff. And followers browsing your blog is pretty normal here—it is a blog, after all. Don’t be weirded out if someone suddenly likes your post from 8 months ago.

And for that matter, most people here also use tags for commentary. It’s generally less obtrusive than adding commentary to a reblog, so you can add some thoughts without necessarily interjecting - the OP doesn’t get any special notification unlike they do with replies or reblogs with text additions. It’s a little spice just for your followers. (Just be aware that they are visible in the notes.)

As a general rule of thumb, you shouldn’t use dashes in your tags (links get confused), but spaces are safe.

2. Reblog (& Reply Culture).

So unlike with twitter, replying to something doesn’t put it on your followers feeds. (In fact, your followers can’t even see your replies unless they actively interact with the post itself.) Your likes aren’t necessarily public. (They are, by default, but only if your followers have certain settings enabled will they be able to see posts you like on their dashboard.) Basically, if you have a post you want someone to see: reblog it.

Replies are mainly for quick comments. It’s a pain to hold a discussion in the replies, so it’s mainly just for a quick “this is a neat take” kind of comment. Responding by reblogging + adding commentary in the post is how discussion actually happens. That’s the equivalent of actually replying on twitter. Tag commentary is for informal thoughts that aren’t necessarily inviting active discussion. It’s the spot for anecdotes or funny commentary that whoever posted it doesn’t necessarily need to have put directly in their activity feed.

3. Use the Readmore

Unlike Twitter where nuance goes to die, you may have noticed there’s no such thing as character limits here. Tumblr does automatically cut long posts unless you change your settings, but it’s generally still considered courteous to put a readmore. This little button here (also ctrl + shift + k).

It’ll prevent people browsing your blog from having to scroll through a huge wall of text unless they actively want to. It’s a good way to keep things organized. I’m breaking my own rule here for the sake of accessibility, but in most other cases, if you’re doing a long thread-type post, you should usually cut it to be courteous. Especially if it’s image-heavy.

4. Post Types (Photo vs. Text Post)

Most of us are probably gonna be using image posts and text posts. You can put images in text posts, yes, but generally speaking, you shouldn’t. At least not large images. If you have multiple large images (like covers, for example,) a good rule of thumb is to put them all in one image post. It’s also more eye-catching when the pretty picture is at the top. This isn’t a hard rule by any means, but generally speaking, it should usually be either that or one flashy image at the top and a readmore to spare your browser.

[noiselessbuck]

All of Mentopolis' Fun Facts From The Fix

...and from other characters, as specified. All facts will try to be verbatim from the transcripts, to get the fun deliveries. Facts are in chronological order and split by episode. Longer facts will have an attempt at summary by me. Facts with a * mean The Fix killed someone with it.

1

* For every snake on earth there is one snake dick, and at first ya might think, well yeah, that makes sense, but actually, only half of snakes have dicks, and that means- That every snake that has a dick has two dicks

(every snake that has a dick has two dicks)

An adverb is a type of adjective

From Ronnie Reptile (implicitly): there are indentations on a snake's lip that lets it detect heat signatures

From Ronnie Reptile: komodo dragons are actually not poisonous, but the bacteria in their mouth is so powerful that it acts like a toxic venom

[snakes have two dicks encore]

2

:readmore:

The tails on a swallowtail butterfly don't serve any aerodynamic purpose. They're there because birds need something to grab onto when they're trying to kill a butterfly, and they are designed to capture the attention of a bird. And that bird will grab onto that tail, and it will break off. And the butterfly will be free.

(swallowtail butterfly tails are meant for predators to bite and the tail breaks off)

Eyes can't be itchy. The membranes around the eyes are innervated with itch receptors and pain neurons, whereas the eyes themselves only have pain neurons because, of course, evolution is strongly incentivized to prevent you from scratching your cornea with your fingernail. So your eyes are never actually itchy. People say, my eyes are itchy! But they're not.

(the membranes around the eyes have itch receptors and pain neurons while the eyes only have pain neurons)

* More than half the bones in your body are in your hands and feet

3

The urethra contains taste receptors/taste bud like structures

Eagles- When they grip onto somethin', they actually have to flex a muscle to un-grip. So an eagle can hold onto something so hard that even after it dies, it never lets go. But you are not an eagle.

Most of the pyramids on Earth are in Sudan

Pelicans have three stomachs and one of them is just for bones

It's really easy to detect an acid. But it's not easy to detect the presence of oxygen or carbon dioxide. But when carbon dioxide meets water, like it does in our blood, it creates carbonic acid. That means that our bodies can detect the presence of carbon dioxide, but not the presence or absence of oxygen. So as we move through our lives, if we are deprived of oxygen, we have no idea that that is happening as long as we are breathing out carbon dioxide. But if we are not breathing in oxygen, we just go to sleep and we die. But if we allow the CO2 to build up, we panic. We flail. We break. Until finally, we die.

(tbh i didn't understand this one or how to sum it up, we can't all be nerds about every subject)

4

People can have constipation so bad that it will back up and impact their vagus nerve? And as they are finally eliminating that impacted stool, it can have a effect on the nervous system so great that they forget who they are, called constipation-related amnesia. A woman in Tokyo forgot who she was for eight hours.

(In Trapp's words: Shit yourself stupid.)

Blood is inside your bones because it's safest from UV radiation

from Pasha N.: There are some species of birds that have a secondary pouch in their esophagus or in their digestive tract where they actually contain, referred to as a craw that has stones or other hard material to help break up food matter before it passes into the rest of their digestive tract.

(birds hold grinding stones in a throat pouch called a craw)

There are also some birds that can produce a kind of nutritious substance that they'll, that instead of regurgitating their own food, they will produce a kind of milk. It's almost like lactation, but it evolved separately. It was a case of convergent evolution. Pigeons do it.

(some birds such as pigeons do something kind of like lactation)

from Pasha N.: Woodpeckers have a tongue bone called a hyoid bone that wraps around their brain because the, the pounding into the tree can, of course, you know it needs to protect their brain from the impact, that powerful feeling of, you know smashing into the wood of the tree to, you know devour their common meal items, which of course are grubs and larval insects.

(woodpeckers have a tongue bone called the hyoid bone which is a helmet for their brain)

[pelicans have three stomachs encore from Hunch]

There are some salamanders that feed their babies their own skin

You can't hum while you're blocking your nose.

From Ronnie Reptile: Did you know that the black mamba has been observed at top speeds of 12 1/2 miles per hour at its fastest slither, and that at that speed, it would almost certainly catch even some of the fastest humans on the planet. Even faster people would probably not have the stamina, because the resting or average speed is 7 1/2 miles per hour which is faster than the human average of 6, and that's for healthy adults.

(the black mamba's fastest observed speed is 12 1/2 miles per hour, its average speed is 7 1/2 mph, human average speed is 6 mph)

From Ronnie Reptile: A reticulated python, which is actually the longest, did you know it's the longest snake in the world? It's not the biggest. The biggest is the anaconda. But the longest is the reticulated python.

(the reticulated python is the longest snake in the world, the anaconda is the largest)

The Fix: Do you know what the longest animal in the world is?

Ronnie: No! What is it?

The Fix: It's the bootlace worm.

Ronnie: Is that a reptile?

The Fix: It's a worm! It's not a reptile.

(The longest animal in the world is the bootlace worm, which is not a reptile)

There are some reptiles that have a light-sensing organ on the top of their head so they can sense shadows that might be coming from something that's coming for them

(some reptiles that have a light-sensing organ on their head to sense predators)

6

There's little creatures in the sea that make little lights. And they're quite pretty little lights. And its a little strange that those critters would make those lights cause why would they? They only make 'em when they get disturbed. And I think that would cause attention from little fishes that wanna eat 'em. But here's what happens, those little fishes when they suck 'em up they glow so bright now that little fish is glowing. Has a little target on its back. Cause that little fish aint the only fish in the sea.

(there are little sea creatures which glow when disturbed and when eaten by a small fish glow a lot thus attracting bigger predators to the small fish)

From Pasha: Diners actually originate from dinning cars on trains and the very first diners were actually dining cars of trains that had been taken out of service and were used stationarily as restaurants cause they were cheap and affordable.

(original diners were train dining cars)

The North Pole is actually the South Pole. Because when you look at a compass it points north. But the north pole of the compass is what's pointing north. And north poles point to south poles. So when you go to the North Pole, it's actually the South Pole.

(north poles of compasses point to south poles thus assuming that the north half of a compass arrow points to the North Pole, it is a south pole magnetically)

[rotfront-cunt]

Alrighty I am going to use my silly little account to sort of document my attempts at finding these three keys.

I want to preface this by saying that everyone who sees this please be so cool about it and not tell me things I haven’t learned yet or give me hints I want to try this as without help online as possible.

(note) at the bottom of the readmore I have left a single thing I’d want any hints about. If u care please read the last two bullet points after my spiel. Thanks!

That being said here begins what I’ve currently done in this key quest.

I got through the opening sequence on the Penrose, as well as the entry level of the facility. I’m assuming and really hoping that there’s no key in these two areas. My biggest fear for this entire quest is that because these are so hard to find I am going to leave an area too early and in the first area where u really cannot do very much, I am scared that is the case. BUT! I am going to try and put that out of my mind and speak on the worker level of the facility.

I played the game standard style until I got the radio essentially because I couldn’t think of much of anything to do other than reading a lot of numbers on documents along the way. I found it interesting rereading documents it’s been a bit since I checked out like the various gestalt suspected of breaking laws and the interrogation logs.

This time around I have taken special note of the Mensa key.

Like I said it’s been awhile since I’ve been in the earlier parts of the game so my memory fails me as to if more keys have numbers and symbols scrawled on them. The key has a 14 on the front and a large X on the back.

After opening the butterfly box and picking up the plate of eternity I’ve taken down a few things from the memory of arianes quarters in rotfront sector 6. First off *that* song is playing quietly while u are in the apartment and that makes me feel things now lol.

Anyways I immediately checked all the radio frequencies. In the rotfront memory the only two not giving off static were the weather channel and the frequency for opening the door to leave the memory. While weather didn’t exactly seem important I took it down anyways along with the string of numbers that opens said door.

After leaving the memory I immediately saved and turned on the radio once more.

While the radio is populated with the various frequencies needed to open the safes on this and later floors I took note of two other frequencies. I didn’t write them down because I was dumb but I can find them again.

These two frequencies both held very distorted messages, seemingly number stations as well. One station read out an achtung before stating it’s numbers. It was heavily staticy but it didn’t sound like the same numbers as the Penrose achtung message that started it all. I’m hoping to go around the floor and perhaps on later floors and seeing if I can get either of these stations a bit less distorted depending on what room I’m in if not I will try to transpose the numbers anyways. I decided to stop for now because despite how much I love this game for some reason I can’t play it for long periods of time :(

Final notes mostly to myself.

- I think it is important from this point on to have my phone camera out for every cutscene, or begin recording my sessions, in case something comes up that I’d like to look at. I regretted not getting to see the infographic on isa when she is first introduced

- I started this quest on a new profile entirely and I’m worried that that may be the wrong thing to do. The problem with not knowing anything is I don’t know if I need to have completed the game or not in order to find these keys.

*This is the one hint I would ask from someone*

I don’t want to try and go through the game this thoroughly again just because I had a false start.

- along these same lines I really hope survival difficulty isn’t part of it. I tried the game on the hardest settings and a single swipe from a eule took Elster down to red health. I am not *that* good at video games lmao. So if the keys must be found on a specific setting this would also be information I’m willing to accept from folks.

This concludes rotcunts broadcast on her terrible key quest. If you’ve read this far ur a real one <3