#(just kidding it was a little embarrassing never knowing who some very famous people were)

[stellacendia]

It seems I have a terrible habit of growing attached to actors that have one outstanding lead role and then only have roles that are relatively minor by comparison and/or in genres I have zero interest in watching

[colleendoran]

How Do I Do Stuff

The question was phrased a little strangely, and I don't want to embarrass the person by posting exactly what was said, but I'll answer it and hope this clears everything up.

I do almost all of my drawing by hand. No, I don't trace in Photoshop. Not a judgment on those who do, but I come from a generation of artists who did not use Poser programs or other digital tools. We learned to draw using a technique called the Sight Size method. I know a lot of people assume everyone - including the old masters - traced everything using optical tools, but while it is true some people did, it is just as true that most didn't, and you can draw with great accuracy if you learned how to draw the old fashioned way.

Sight Size breaks everything down into its barest components of geometric shapes and you build from there. Once you learn it, you never forget, and it applies to everything you will ever draw.

I learned it using a set of Famous Artist Course books my mom had since she was a kid, and they are still the gold standard. They're often on ebay. If I were you, I'd buy them.

I actually find using figure reference really annoying because I like exaggerations and modifications from reality in my final work.

This page from Neil Gaiman's Chivalry was drawn and painted without figure reference of any kind.

I don't know why people assume I trace all the time. If you were to try to use photographs to replicate these figures, you would find they are slightly off. There is no tracing here.

This is not to say I never use reference. This page, for example, was referenced from a photo of my mother. Isn't she pretty.

But this page of Sir Galaad was drawn and painted without reference.

He's pretty, too.

If he were real, I'm sure a lot of people would be very happy about it. But he's not. And had I reference, the art would have gone a lot faster. I had a time trying to nail this face that is very alive in my head but doesn't really exist.

Back in the ancient days, all cartoonists had to learn to draw and paint extemporaneously because reference was limited and digital tools didn't exist. While some high end artists had photography studios and professional models with costume and sets on hand, small fry like me were limited to what was in the house or available at my small local library, which was no bigger than a few rooms of my current house.

Artists kept extensive "morgue files" or "swipe files" which were collected from magazine clippings and photographs so we would have as much of what we might need on hand for quick reference. These ephemera collections could get unwieldy. I have thousands of photographs I've simply never sorted. I finally dumped most of my files this past year.

Have I ever traced anything? Of course, especially if I have to re-use a shot or setting over and over. Making extra work for myself is just silly. It's my job to make pictures, not to perform magical feats, like copying one shot after another over and over without making a mistake.

However, for almost 15 years of my career, I refused to copy or trace anything, and did not even own a lightbox. On the one hand, that forced me to learn to carefully examine what I saw. On the other hand, it was a stupid hill on which many deadlines died.

Only after I realized many professional artists had lightboxes and overhead projectors did I finally break down and get one.

The one thing I use my lightbox for more than anything is for tracing my thumbnail sketches to the final drawing paper. Instead of trying to capture the liveliness of the original sketch by copying what I see - only bigger - I blow the thumbnail up to the size I want the final art to be, then I trace over the thumbnail using a lightbox onto the final drawing paper.

Here's a look at thumbnails from the graphic novel Neil Gaiman's Snow, Glass, Apples.

I enlarged these on my computer to fit onto 11"x14" paper, and traced the thumbs before finishing the art which was drawn in pen and ink and colored in Photoshop.

While I obviously made some changes, the essence of the thumbs is there in the final work. Tracing my thumbs retains some of the looseness of the original sketches, which is often lost otherwise.

So, there is a valid purpose to tracing at times, though in my opinion, too much tracing can weaken drawing ability, substitute for developing skills, and make the work kind of stiff.

If you want to, I'm not your judge. But it's weird to me that people think I must be faking my skills in some way.

Ironically, the word cartoon comes from the Italian word cartone, which is a large heavy sheet of paper - also, the origin of the word carton.

Preparatory sketches were made on this paper which was then transferred to the final work surface via either tracing or by stamping little holes in the paper through which dust was sprinkled, recreating the contours of the drawing for the artist to follow.

So the origin of the word cartoon comes from a process often used...for tracing.

[hbyrde36]

Midsummer Nights (a.k.a Summer Camp Fic)

It's finally here! This one has been percolating for a while, and I'm so glad to have the start of the story written and out there. Updates might be a little sporadic until my Steddie big bang is complete, but I'm so excited to finally give this fic some attention!

WC: 3154 | R: Explicit (for eventual smut) | Ch 1/? | AO3

Chapter 1

Steve had been a camper at Sunset Lake since almost before he could remember. 

He was seven that first summer, and hadn’t spent more than a night away from his own bed before, for sleepovers with family or childhood friends. 

Regardless, his parents didn’t hesitate to dump him off in the middle of nowhere upstate for the full eight weeks the camp ran, with total strangers, many of whom were hardly more than kids themselves, the second he was old enough to attend. From then on, Mr. and Mrs. Harrington spent their own summers partying it up at the country club, pretending they didn’t have a son. 

It used to hurt, having the fact that they didn’t give a shit about him shoved so blatantly in his face. When he was still young and hopeful he would wait patiently by the front gates every visitor’s day, hoping that the next car full of visiting parents and family would be for him. 

It never was.

And by the time he turned eleven, he had stopped waiting. 

He also stopped signing up for activities that he had chosen only to impress his dad, like tennis, basketball, rock climbing—even if he was good at them—and instead began to fill his days with art, theater, and music. Anything that caught his interest, even if he was terrible at it. 

Suddenly he lived for those eight weeks of summer that used to leave him feeling so lonely and unloved. Knowing it was the one place, the one time of year, where he could be the most himself. And he was too busy with performances and showing off the projects he’d completed on visitor’s days to think too much about the fact that no one ever came to see him. 

That was how he met Robin, his best friend and platonic soulmate. They were twelve and had both auditioned for roles in Shakespeare in the Summer, a series of famous scenes from the playwright's works, a pet project of the counselor who ran the theater department meant to be the big final show at the end of camp that year. They got the roles of Romeo and Juliet, respectively. 

As they rehearsed he developed a very small, but still very embarrassing crush on his co-star and eventually confessed, knowing he would feel guilty about kissing her if she didn’t know how he felt. 

Robin broke it to him gently, explaining that while she’d grown to like him a lot, as a friend, over the time they’d been working on their scene together, he just wasn’t her type. 

The last bit was said with a particular significance, but Steve, oblivious to what she was so subtly trying to convey, had protested that he was everyone’s type. She’d rolled her eyes and given him a fond, if exasperated, smile, and after swearing him to secrecy, put it in plain terms he could understand. 

She was a lesbian. 

Robin liked girls, exclusively, and her tastes ran long in soft skin, cherry red lips, and blonde ponytails—all of which Steve, for better or worse, lacked.

It was the 90’s, and the world was slowly changing, so it wasn't as if Steve had never heard of gay people before… it's just that he had never met one in real life. He accepted her immediately, his crush gone in a flash like it had never existed, and felt a kinship with her snap into place that he didn’t quite understand at the time, but was so obvious looking back. 

In the end they faked the kiss. Steve grabbed Robin’s face with both hands and all the faux passion he could muster, slipping his thumbs between their lips at the last second to keep them from crossing that particular line, and she had trusted him to do it. 

They were inseparable from that day forward. 

As promised, he kept her secret, and exactly one year later after coming to terms with a few realizations of his own—namely that he wasn’t as straight as he assumed, that in fact, he wasn’t sure he actually liked girls at all—when he confessed a secret of his own as they walked along the edge of the lake before curfew, he knew she would do the same for him.

This summer they were eighteen, part of the graduating class of 1999, on the brink of college, and finally old enough to be hired as full fledged counselors with paychecks and days off and everything. 

Not that it paid much, but Steve wasn’t in it for the money. He was in it for the love of the place. Sunset Lake Camp had become a second home to him over the last decade of his life, his real home, and the people there like family. There were always a few new faces that came and went, but most of the kids and staff alike came back year after year like him.

Robin was mainly in it for Steve, excited at the prospect of getting to spend the entire Summer with him for once instead of the single session, two short weeks, she was used to—all her folks had been able to afford each year growing up. 

It was poised to be the best summer of Steve’s life. 

Then he met Eddie. 

-

Pre-camp was exactly what it sounded like. A full week of cleaning, painting, maintenance, and general setting up of the place before the first crop of kids was set to arrive. It wasn’t mandatory for the staff, and some counselors wouldn’t even arrive until the day before the first session began, but it did come with an extra paycheck and the opportunity to get out of his parents house that much sooner. 

Steve was so in.

And naturally, that meant Robin was too.

They both arrived mid afternoon. Steve had driven himself in his beloved second hand BMW all the way from Hawkins, his excitement mounting as the scenery changed, flat boring highways finally giving way to lush green rolling hills and mountains, the roads eventually going from asphalt, to crushed stone, to dirt as he turned onto camp property and made his way to the employee parking lot. Robin arrived just after, her parents' car rolling to a stop next to his while he was still unloading his duffel bags from the trunk.  

Steve had offered to pick her up on his way so they could ride in together, it wouldn’t have added that much time to his own trip, but Mr. and Mrs. Buckley would never give up the opportunity to see their only daughter off for the summer, no matter how old she was. They were good parents, and just plain good people.

Robin was horribly embarrassed by the sheer number of hugs they gave her, and Steve, before finally getting back in their car to head home, and he couldn’t help wondering if she knew how lucky she was. His own parents had hardly looked up from their coffee when he’d said goodbye to them that morning.

“How was the drive?” Robin asked with her face squished against Steve's chest, as he pulled her in for his own bone-crushing hug. God he fucking missed her. Emails and once a week phone calls just weren’t enough. Damn long distance fees.

“Long, boring, the usual.” He said, pulling away from her reluctantly. 

In truth he didn’t mind the long journey. It was nice getting to shut his brain off, and sing along at full volume to whatever songs had made it on American Top 40 with Casey Kasem that week.

The low rumble and put-put-put of an old engine had them both looking up, signaling the arrival of Director Hopper in his ancient pickup truck, its tires kicking up dirt and rocks no matter how slowly he drove. 

The truck rolled to a stop in front of them, and the man behind the wheel leaned out the open window to wave. “Long time no see, kids!”

“Hop,” Robin whined, “we’re not kids anymore.”

“Oh! My apologies—Miss Buckley, Mister Harrington.”

Steve wrinkled his nose. “Okay, now you're just being mean.”

Hopper threw his head back and laughed, before stepping out of the truck. “You know you’ll always be kids to me.”

After another round of hugs the man helped load their stuff up into the back, then helped both of them climb up on top of their piled luggage.

As the truck bumped along slowly towards the north side of the campus, where the bunks were, Hopper slid open the back window of the truck so he could shout out to them.

“Me and Joyce got two of the cabins fixed up already so you-all have someplace clean to sleep tonight. One for the women, one for the men.” Hopper’s eyes narrowed as he stared them down through his rearview mirror. He, along with almost everyone else, thought they were dating and had been for years. If he only knew how wrong he was. “Dinner is at six tonight in the dining hall, and I suggest you settle in and relax till then. The real work starts tomorrow.”

“You sure you don't need help with anything today?” Steve asked, sticking his head through the little window to make sure the older man could hear him.

“Thanks kid, but I got it covered. All that’s left today really is picking up a few international staff from the airport. I would have been on my way there already, but the flight got delayed, not due in till late tonight now.”

It was one of Steve’s favorite things about this place, getting to meet and make friends with all sorts of people from all over the world. The cultural exchange program that the camp worked with brought in support staff and counselors from other countries that wanted to come work for the summer, many of them visiting America for the very first time.

Soon enough they came to the end of the road, hooking a left through a break in the trees and came out into a huge clearing. Two giant half circles made up of small white and green buildings faced each other, with a wide open field between them where, in a week’s time, kids would be found lounging around on towels and blankets in the sun, or throwing frisbees and baseballs to each other during their free period. 

Hopper pulled over on the girl’s side, which was fair—if sexist—considering Robin had more stuff than Steve did, and got them unloaded before quickly heading off with a reminder about dinner.

Robin slid her backpack on and began to drag her small trunk up the old wooden steps of the cabin. 

Steve heaved her big duffel bag over his shoulder and moved to follow, but she spun abruptly, letting the trunk drop, slapping a hand hard against his chest before his foot even made contact with the lowest board. 

“Woah, woah, woah, where do you think you’re going?” She asked.

“Seriously? I’m just trying to help you with your stuff!” 

“Yes, seriously! You know boys aren't allowed in the girl’s cabins!” She whispered boys as though it were a dirty word.

Steve snorted. “I’m pretty sure those rules are for the campers, Rob, not us, and what could possibly happen?! There’s no two people on the planet less likely to hook up than you and me.”

“Yeah but people don’t know that, Harrington!” 

She was right. As much as camp had always been Steve's safe haven, his sexuality was still something he felt the need to hide, as did Robin. They just couldn’t be sure how their peers would react, and he wanted to believe Hopper would be accepting and open minded but what if he wasn’t? What if he fired them, or used it as an excuse not to invite them back to work next year, because parents might freak out if they knew their children were being ‘exposed to the gays’? 

Steve couldn’t lose this place, for that reason or any other. 

He tossed her bag up the short staircase and onto the porch, letting his shoulders slump in defeat.

“Don’t pout. I just don't want to get in trouble on our first day,” Robin said.

“Yeah, me either,” he agreed.

“Good. Now move along to your own bunk.” She dropped her voice down low, looking around before she spoke again, wriggling her eyebrows. “I’m sure Jonathan will be around to help you get settled in.”

“You’re never gonna let me live that stupid crush down, are you?” 

“Nope.”

“It was two years ago!” Steve hissed.

“I still say you had a chance.”

Steve sighed heavily. “Even if he wasn’t straight—” he began but Robin cut him off with a judgy stare.

“You don’t know that.” She said.

“Fine,” he grumbled. “But even if he wasn't, I told you, I'm not getting in the middle of whatever on-again off-again dance he and Nancy are doing.”

Robin tilted her head from side to side. “That’s fair. She scares me.”

“Me too.”

-

Jonathan was, as a matter of fact, already at the men’s temporary cabin, greeting Steve with a hug and everything, and offering to help him carry his stuff inside. Not that he’d be telling Robin any of that. 

His brief crush had been nothing short of awkward. They’d known each other since they were little, Jonathan’s mom being the camp nurse, and Hopper becoming his and his brother Will’s stepfather a few years ago, and out of nowhere Steve couldn’t even have a conversation with the guy without blushing and stuttering. Thankfully, the other boy’s sad little puppy dog eyes didn’t really do anything for him anymore.

They talked a little, making the usual catching up small talk that you do with people you know well but maybe aren't truly friends with, and soon were joined by a new face, fresh off a days long road trip from California. 

Argyle greeted Steve and Jonathan like they were all long lost pals. He had the longest, shiniest hair, the most colorful wardrobe Steve had ever seen, and his smile was infectious. He also absolutely reeked of weed, and within minutes had talked Jonathan into taking a walk in the woods with him to “open their minds”. It was clear the two stoners were well on their way to becoming best friends.

Steve left them to it, knowing Robin would kill him if he showed up to dinner high and smelling of smoke. 

He chose a bed by the door and started making it up, tucking the sheets in tight and tossing his ugly plaid comforter on top. There was no point in really unpacking until they got their final bunk assignments, the night before the kids came, so after pulling out a few random t-shirts, shorts, and a bathing suit, and shoving them all into one of the cubby holes built into the walls of the cabin, Steve grabbed his discman and headphones and went to lay out in the sun. 

-

It was late, well past midnight and Steve had been tossing and turning for the last several hours. He never slept well on the first night of camp, the quiet always taking a little time for him to get used to, and It was no wonder he heard the soft footfalls of someone walking up the steps of the cabin.

The door opened slowly, revealing a figure painted in silhouette by moonlight. A riot of wild hair, and a guitar case slung across the boy’s back were all Steve could make out at first through his barely slitted eyelids. 

He watched, careful not to move too much and give away that he was awake as the boy quietly closed the door behind himself, and tiptoed further into the cabin, tossing his stuff down beside the bunk right next to Steve’s. It meant Steve had a perfect view of the newcomer’s backside as he bent to slide his guitar under the mattress frame and unzipped his bag. He straightened with an arm full of linens and hastily made up the bed, not even tucking the bottom corners of his fitted sheet in before throwing a quilt over the whole thing and calling it done, and began to undress. 

Steve swallowed hard, knowing he should probably look away now, or at least close his eyes, if for no other reason than to put on a better show of being asleep in case the other boy’s gaze swung his way, but he was enthralled.

The unfamiliar figure was still blanketed in shadow, but stood close enough now that Steve could make out a pair of huge sparkling dark eyes, brown he assumed, though the night had a way of stealing all the color from the world, to go with the boy’s even darker curls. A rounded nose and full pouty lips made up the rest of a face that would, Steve was fairly certain, now and forever haunt his dreams, as well as his every waking thought. 

He wanted to scream. 

He’d never felt so drawn to someone at first sight before. How much worse would it be once he saw this vision of beauty in daylight?

Powerless to resist the urge, Steve let his gaze roam down past the curve of the other boy’s jaw, eyes drinking in whatever details they could. The bob of an adams apple as he swallowed, the outline of his collarbones, black and gray markings on his chest and arms—tattoos that Steve couldn’t quite make out the shapes of. A trail of dark hair ran from his navel to the top of his pants, stark and inviting against pale white skin.

The boy reached for the button on his jeans and Steve did look away then. It was one thing to see the same skin that might be on display when someone took their top off down by the lake or at the pool, but another to ogle someone below the belt when they didn’t even know they were being watched.

Second passed and a dull thump had Steve snapping his eyes back open, grateful the other boy still had his boxers on at least, so he didn’t feel like too much of a creep. 

“Bollocks,” the stranger cursed softly, hopping on one foot for a second as he sucked air between his teeth, nursing a stubbed toe.

Steve’s stomach flipped at the sound of his voice.

International, right. He had an accent. Of course he did, obviously, Steve just hadn’t thought—

Why was that so hot?

He groaned internally, he hadn’t even properly seen the guy’s face yet and he was already absolutely fucked. 

Finally, mercifully, the other boy climbed into bed, yawning as he pulled the quilt up over his head, turning to face the other way.

And it was to the sound of this intriguing stranger’s breath that Steve finally drifted away into a fitful sleep.

Steve's Summer Mix Eddie's Summer Mix

Thanks as always to the lovely @penny00dreadful for being the best beta, friend and cheerleader.

Permanent taglist(open): @penny00dreadful @pearynice @hitlikehammers @bookworm0690 @wonderland-girl143-blog 

@goodolefashionedloverboi @themagicalari @awkwardgravity1 @rocknrollsalad

Fic taglist (open):

[barbielore]

I have never seen any of the Barbie animated films before. But it’s Christmas, and even though I don’t really celebrate the holiday, I love the book A Christmas Carol; and I love A Muppet Christmas Carol. So Barbie in A Christmas Carol seemed like the obvious way to dip my toe in.

My notes from watching are below!

In the framing device scenes of Barbie telling the story to Kelly, Barbie is wearing a silver dress that looks like pretty much the same dress as 2008 Holiday Barbie, even though that wasn’t an official tie in doll for the film.

Instead of Ebenezer Scrooge, a miserly businessman, we have Eden Starling, an opera singing diva. Her childhood friend Catherine seems to play the role of Scrooge’s nephew but given she also works for the theatre there’s a dash of Cratchitt in there too?

Eden tells everyone not to bother coming back if they don’t come in to rehearse for the new show on Christmas. Even Scrooge only told Cratchitt to be there all the earlier the next morning. 

Aunt Marie (the stand in for Marley) is draped in chains - but these chains have mirrors on the ends instead of cash boxes and ledgers. I presume to represent her sins of vanity instead of financial greed.

The spirit of Christmas past is really cute, like an excitable little elf. 

Little Eden wants to spend time with friends but Aunt Marie makes her rehearse all Christmas instead of seeing other people. Eden sneaks out to go to a party instead of practicing. 

I’m sure it’s in the interests of streamlining the story for Barbie audiences, but I’m a little disappointed the spirit of Christmas past only takes Eden to one place. 

Christmas Present shows the theatre workers throwing tomatoes at a picture of Eden. That’s pretty funny but it’s not much of a lesson. That’s okay - Christmas Present takes her to a second location, presumably so we can meet our Tiny Tim. In this case it’s the reveal that Catherine is working for another theatre as well; or so Eden thinks. Actually it’s an orphanage putting on a Christmas pageant, and our Tiny Tim is a little girl who walks with a crutch and idealises Eden. Catherine lies to her and says Eden is very sorry she can’t come in person but is so proud of all of them. I don’t know why but I got a little emotional about that!

Anyway the orphanage is about to close due to lack of funds. This doesn’t strike me as quite as resonant because Eden is a diva and selfish but none of her sins we’ve seen so far are related to finances.

Alright, time for Christmas Future. The show is a shambles because she fires all her staff for coming in late and their replacements are rubbish so the show is an embarrassment. This means Eden lives in squalor because she lost her career. Her best friend Catherine is now a famous fashion designer, but has got there by being as selfish as Eden is. The orphanage closed down because Catherine had to go out of town to find new work and she never found out what happened to the children.

Catherine indicates she would have adopted Tammy if she had known, but didn't get the chance. The other kids can just miss out I guess?

We the audience don’t find out what became of Tammy, so we don’t know if she died like Tiny Tim. We can assume it wasn’t a great outcome for her, but it’s left to our imagination. 

The red dress Eden is wearing at the end is the one from the tie in dolls! 

Eden adopts (by which I assume she means financially support) the whole orphanage which doesn’t seem really like it suits the arc but sure I’ll allow it. 

At the end of the movie I finally realise that Catherine was supposed to be Barbie’s friend Nikki. Apparently there was a doll prototype for Catherine, but I don't think she ever got released.

That doll I shared above wasn't the only tie-in doll though! There was also a giftset with Kelly dolls dressed as the spirits. Missed opportunity because the spirits were of different ages. I would have liked to see a doll of the Spirit of Christmas Present as seen in the movie!

I looked up some reviews of the novelisation to see if there were any changes, and only then did I realise I missed something -- Catherine isn't supposed to represent nephew Fred at all. The magician who has a crush on Catherine is Fred, leaving Catherine in just the Cratchitt role. That in hindsight makes a little more sense.

I'm not sure if I'll watch any more of the Barbie movies, but that was a good start. (If you think I should watch more, by all means tell me so, and recommend some!)

[ipoxcky]

🕷️

spider-verse_headcanons

MILES MORALES:

whenever he gets nervous/embarrassed, he'll turn part of himself invisible, like maybe he'll stick his hand in his pocket and make it go invisible

SCENARIO: at the college admissions office, rio would tell the lady, "he makes sure that he recites his time tables every night so that he can't mess up on those challenging calculus problems!" and then he would do the invisible thing and go "stop, mami, she doesn't need to know that..."

he'll also put his head on the desk with his hood up and turn his face invisible in school if he's bored

he would probably also do that when he's crying

did the invisible hand thing with fake blood to prank ganke on april fools, ganke freaked out and almost called an ambulance before miles told him it's a prank

had a shoe-collecting phase at some point

aggressively tender headed bc his hair is always nappy from putting on the suit and his mom goes CRAZY with the comb

got little twists in his head when he was younger, but now he keeps it out. his mom will still twist his hair occasionally just for fun and he hates it

secret SoundCloud rapper whose account has like 20 followers and it's him just freestyling. the only person he told about the acc was uncle aaron who's his number one fan

PAVITR PRAHABKAR:

always pulls the "is it bc i'm _____?" card, ESPECIALLY with hobie just to mess with him and hobie would go "don't chat to me mate i don't even like the u.k. myself"

talks with his hands definitely

has seen every romance movie known to man and forces the others to watch them with him if they can

VERY facially expressive, throws the STANKIEST faces at people he doesn't like, yes he's good at reading others but it doesn't take much to read him

falls over when something shocks him bc it's like his little joke

laughs to himself a lot but doesn't tell anyone why

knows a bunch of horror stories on command, the first spiderpeople sleepover he freaked everyone out and miles couldn't sleep without the light on

just dance GOD

can raise both eyebrows individually

GWEN STACY:

had an agressive minecraft phase when she was 8 where she got the creeper hoodie and never took it off

definitely had a full pixie cut at some point

theater kid, definitely goes to watch broadway shows with her dad every so often, has met famous people because of it, her favorite one is probably dear evan hansen (idk i haven't seen it)

ben platt worshipper

drums on anything she can get her hands on

music blaster

tried electric guitar for a blip of a moment

morning person, stretches anywhere and everywhere

her favorite thing is DESTROYING pointe shoes because she can take out all her anger. this one time it got to a point where after her shoe destroying sesh she started crying because she didn't realize she had so much pain built up inside her

tutu hater

takes french and already knows a ton from ballet

wheeze laugher

pastel note taker

really pretty handwriting when she tries, chicken scratch when she doesn't

HOBIE BROWN:

surprisingly good american accent

knows a bunch of magic tricks to entertain kids experiencing homelessness on the street

headphones always on so they're absolutely demolished and holding on for dear life, too bothered to get a new pair

REALLY good with kids, does anything to help them preserve their childhood because he feels like his was gone too quickly

good whistler

beats everyone in board games

knows a lot about politics for someone who doesn't rlly like them

can judge people's character based on first glance

black nail polish never leaves his fingers

goes on really long rants about the state of the world

reads self help + philosophy books

hops the subway/metro thingy

lips always moisturized, but his hands and knees r lowkey ashy sometimes (i'm blk it's okay y'all)

doesn't drink soda

tries to be vegetarian because of the stuff he's seen (worked at a fast food restaurant and was grossed out about the stuff they were serving), that and he loves animals so

natural remedy kind of guy who would drink chlorophyll water

dreams of being a tattoo artist

uses sound effects of random things in his music, raps/sings his poetry about capitalism and stuff

keeps tin jars and cans

doesn't kill bugs and instead lets them go free

[nerdygaymormon]

A few memories of my recent trip to Utah

I spent 4 days in Utah as part of a trip to attend the Gather Conference. 

I receive more hugs on these short trips to Utah than I get the rest of the year. I think the average queer Latter-day Saint is touch-starved and we need more opportunities to hug, to have someone put their arm around us, and so on. Touch is a way of feeling connected. 

Being with others who see me for who I am is healing. I don't have many people in my regular life with whom I can share all aspects of my life. It is such a relief to fully be myself with others and know they will accept and love me.

It's happened on previous trips to Utah, but this time more people introduced themselves and said they know me from my blog, from the chapter I wrote in a book, from the Lift+Love group I host, from podcasts I've been on, and so on. Mostly it's kind people just wanting to say "hi," and I love that, and I like to learn more about them and hear their stories. I do feel a little awkward if someone acts like I'm famous and they are fangirling. I'm just a regular dude who happened to have some opportunities to share his story.

Even though I said I don't like when others fangirl me, I found an exception where I liked it because it felt so validating. There was a moment when Ben Schilaty & I happened to be alone and I took the opportunity to introduce myself as David and thanked him for his visibility, that the work he does helps increase understanding. I've been following him since he participated on a panel of LGBT BYU students about 5 years ago. I've read his blog, his book and I listen to his podcast.

He responded by thanking me and it's nice to hear he's making an impact. He looked down at my badge with my name on it and he goes, "David Doyle! You're David Doyle! I know you!!! You had the thing in 2017 that went around! You're from Florida! You had the thing last year with Elder Renlund! You're amazing! David Doyle! I am finally meeting you! Allison Dayton says the best things about you!"

The rest of the conference, if we happened to be passing each other, he'd say "David Doyle!" as he walked by. It was cute. At the end of the conference, when the crowds had thinned, I was getting ready to gather my stuff and leave but Ben comes over and says, "I've been wanting to talk with you but I've been so busy." We had a few minutes and recognized each other as being on the same team in doing this work. He's prominent in this intersection of LDS & LGBTQ+, and it was surprising to have him know who I am.   

Friday evening a woman came running over and hugged me. 30 years ago I was a teacher at the Missionary Training Center and she was one of the missionaries I taught. This was her first time attending such a conference for LDS/LGBTQ people, she was there because two of her kids have come out, and she was so excited to see a familiar face. It was an amazing reunion. 

The RaYnbow Collective put on a Pride event on Saturday in the park behind where I used to live in the 1990's as a BYU student. 30 years ago I could never have imagined this happening in Provo. I had to go as a way to honor my younger, closeted self. The drag show was a lot of fun, very energetic!

There were no seats for the drag show, the audience sat on the ground, and my leg fell asleep. I couldn't get up. Some strong Samoan guy had to help. I was so embarrassed. I'm a very big guy and that certainly played a factor. Even after getting up, my balance was not right and I had to keep holding onto people in order to remain upright. I even needed help walking to the car.

All the feelings of shame about my body, my weight, my eating disorder, of worrying how others view me and wanting to be accepted and loved, all of that came rushing in. At the hotel I asked my friend @loveerran to take all the food from my room because of my eating disorder, but I still felt my feelings and had a good cry. I try hard not to let my social anxiety or body image or weight issues keep me from participating in life, but that night I wanted to hide away and never be seen again. The human mind sometimes is unkind to ourselves.

Despite that unfortunate episode at the park, I treasure this trip and all the people I met and friends I reconnected with. I returned to Florida with my batteries recharged, my resilience strengthened, and feeling seen & validated.

[erinelliotc]

I was subtitling "Home Cooked Eds" and just discovered something shocking. I find it incredible how words have different meanings from country to country.

We have that famous dialogue between Double D and Eddy when Double D says "Eddy, I fear they're becoming amorous!" and Eddy got scared and ran away after Double D told him what it meant. I don't know how often the word "amorous" is used, but from Eddy's reaction it seems like a little-known word.

But here in Brazil, amorous (amoroso) is a very common word with a completely normal meaning. It's literally "loving", because here love = amor. It's not related to anything sexual AT ALL, it's just someone who's affectionate or sweet.

This whole time, I thought Double D had just used a normal word to soften and censor what he really wanted to say since he's quite polite and strait-laced, and it's a kid's show. But then I looked up the meaning and found out that it wasn't an euphemism, it ACTUALLY HAS a sexual meaning. He wasn't trying to soften anything, he was just being literal and using his formal words as usual, which came in handy because the audience (especially the kids), like Eddy, probably don't know this word, so I think there isn't really a problem with using it.

From my research, it appears that it can also be related to love, but it seems to be more widely used with sexual denotation. Now I'm kinda in shock that they used a word like that in a kid's show, and that DOUBLE D was the one who used it. It probably wasn't a problem because it must be a word no one uses and kids wouldn't know what it means, but still, I find it surprising.

I think it's fun trying to figure out how exactly Double D explained it to Eddy because, you know, this is the guy who got all embarrassed about using the word "sextant" because it has "sex" in it. So what exactly did he say to Eddy to make him understand without being so explicit?

Anyway, I was thinking about how to adapt this and I think I'm going to use the word "libidinoso" (libidinous) since it seems like the kind of complicated word that Double D would use that Eddy has never heard of, and that does in fact have a sexual meaning.

I think it's crazy how EEnE is literally a kid's show, rated TV-G from my research. It definitely wouldn't be these days. Now I'm kinda understanding why I saw some people saying their parents didn't allow them to watch it when they were kids. But I would be a hypocrite if I said that my parents shouldn't have let me watch it when I was 5-7 years old. I'm really glad they let me and my father even watched it with me sometimes. I honestly don't know who I would be if I hadn't watched EEnE when I was growing up. Not only is it my comfort and favorite show of all time, but it has literally shaped and influenced me in so many ways that I'm not even fully aware of.

[aajjks]

TPOL!JK

tina hwang is as beautiful as a rose, a complete contrast to your plain self. the heiress to the hwang dynasty is a famous model in south korea and is praised for her cat-like features and sweet demeanor. she was jungkook’s sort-of first love and attended the same performing arts school as him.

they dated for three long years before jungkook abruptly broke up with her and even cut her off. she was very heartbroken about it but went on with her career and became a respected figure for the little ones who aspired to be models just like her. so her reaction when she found out her father secured a business deal with jungkook, let’s say, she was MORE than ecstatic.

she got to be with her love once again and purposely gave him more exposure in the media by posing as his “girlfriend” and blowing his stock market through the roof!

people wanted to know more about the two and being low-key wasn’t going to work for jungkook anymore thanks to his oh-so sweet business partner who is shockingly, pretty good at handling business. she’s not just a pretty face who catwalks in expensive clothing, after all.

sooner or later, jungkook and her would be together but that would change when she caught wind and SAW her business partner on his knees begging a girl to stay with him. a powerful man like him on his knees?! she felt her heart break a little and brought it to both her dad and jaekuk about the matter. it’s embarrassing to see him like that and heartbreaking to know he isn’t on his knees for her.

granted, they aren’t dating but the media was sent into a frenzy upon the matter. stocks even decreased because of the videos but like the angel tina is, she fixed it for him by bringing jungkook to more flashy events with him on her arm.

so here tina is in switzerland to clean up yet ANOTHER mess and maybe he’ll finally be hers. switzerland is good place to put a clothing store considering the cold weather compared to korea’s. she sent him a text that she was in town and sent another asking him to meet up with her in her hotel to discuss some business endeavors that could be good for the both of them. he owes her for cleaning up the mess he made after all and hours later, he arrives with a not-so happy look on his face.

“don’t give me that look” she pouts before letting him inside the fancy hotel room and shutting the door behind him.

“okay, so i have some good news!!” tina cheers while offering jungkook a coffee she ordered in just the way he likes. “we have some invitations to some fancy shows in switzerland and london, even celebrities will be here for it! there’s a fashion show the week after that and that’s when we can announce that we’re gonna release a clothing line. a winter clothing line that you’ll of course fund and i’ll generate billions because it’s cold as hell up here. if you want people to buy in, we have to keep looking like a couple so no fuck-ups like the last time”

He scoffs in surprise. He is so pissed off. He looks at the woman with anger. “ Are you fucking kidding me right now?” He tsks, “ I don’t want to open any store- and if you want to I will not be the one who funds it.” he rolls his eyes.

Jungkook is feeling so frustrated right now because this woman is so clingy, she’s literally taking his time when he could be spending that time with you.

But instead, he’s here. “Tina. Why are you here?” He asks, he knows this woman better than anyone. “ I might know just the reason..” he doesn’t take the coffee cup that she offers him. “you do realize how precious my time is right?” He groans.

“ I am not here to hang out with you. Why don’t you get the hint?” He’s glaring at her. “ why won’t you ever get the fact that you were not my choice? But my father’s.” He spits.

“ I obviously know why you’re here. But I don’t care because I am in love with someone else and I’m really happy with her.” Jungkook scratches on the tattoo on his collarbone.

“We were history. Get over it.” he was never the one to be known for his patience or kindness. He doesn’t regret any of the words he said to her right now because she needs a reality check.

“I know father sent you here. Does he really think that- you can never replace her in my life!” He laughs at her hurt expression.

“you are so fucking clingy and you try to control everything and everyone that’s why we broke up- oh no wait I broke up with you.” He says.

“just leave me alone if you don’t want any consequences that you won’t be strong enough to deal with.” he stalks closer to her and warns her by whispering. “ hurt her and you are dead.” He can read her like a book.

Her jealousy was always too much for him to deal with.

“and we were never a couple.”

That’s all he says before turning on his shoes, Jungkook feels so angry right now. Maybe he will feel better if he sees you.

They cannot let anyone ruin this trip. As Jungkook walks out of the hotel room, he takes out his phone to text you. “Dinner tonight?”

[useless-bi-otch]

Cookies 'n Cream - Chapter 1

MasterList / Tomori's profile / Art by @aneenasevla

Chapter 1 - The King of the Rejected

TIMELINE: this story happens sometime after chapter 148/9 of KENGAN OMEGA, and somewhere before the second KAT. After this time, it counts as an AU too.

"C'mon, don't say you don't know who I am! Try a bit harder, girls, I'm sure you'll remember!"

The two college students exchanged a look that was somewhere between perplexed and embarrassed, trying not to let their discomfort be too apparent as the man who had accosted them continued to grip the backs of their chairs, as if he was positioning himself to not let them escape, should they try to.

"Uuh... what was your name again?", The shorter one asks, giving him a very forced smile, but the bald man didn't seem to notice, and if he did, he didn't care.

"Okubo! Okubo Naoya", He announces, puffing out his large chest "Does this ring a bell? … No?" His smile staggers a bit "Alright, alright, I'll give you some tips and you try to guess, okay?

“Uh… look, sir, we don’t-”

"The Rocky of Osaka! So...?" He lowers and raises his eyebrows, looking from one girl to the other "C'mon, if 'The King of Combat' doesn't sound familiar, that one sure does. You're from Osaka, right? I recognize the accent, it's great to find people from my turf around here, especially if they're this cute!"

"Oh... thanks, but we're from Kyoto, actually-"

"Ultimate Fight's heavyweight champion? Winner of the wrestling nationals championship?" He gestures wildly, now looking decidedly frustrated, and the girls flinch, the tallest even discreetly turning her head to make sure there were witnesses nearby. Until now, they didn't have reasons to believe he was a threat, but who knew what to expect from this kind of men nowadays… "Oh, c'mon, I just can't believe you guys don't recognize me!"

The taller one opens her mouth with some impatience, but the shorter one takes the lead, saying suddenly: 

"Oh, wait! Okubo Naoya, right? Now that I'm really thinking about it..."

"I knew it!" He opens a huge smile "Told you so, didn't I? I'm quite well known and-"

“Isn't that the name of the guy who was in the newspaper a while ago? The one who climbed Tokyo Tower with another dude."

The man's smile seems to freeze on his face. The taller girl nods suddenly, her eyes widening a little.

"Yeah, that's right! They got drunk and then didn't even know how to explain to the police how they got up there. There's even a video and all..."

"Uh… no, I mean... you must've mistook me for another Okubo, or maybe another Naoya…"

"No, I remember, there were pictures and everything" The shorter one points at him "And I'm also remembering another piece of news that got out! The one about two perverts standing in front of school grounds, completely naked."

"Oh god, I saw that one! They didn't lynch the guys only because they were freakin' huge! One of them was an Okubo, wasn't he?"

"Yes! And the other was Nakata something, I can't remember right now..."

"It was so gross, two perverts harassing kids like that…"

"Wha- no, it wasn't like that! We just had a little too much to drink, we weren't harassing anyone!" He raises his voice angryly, his face red. But he still took a step back, moving slightly away from the table the girls shared, which made them relax a little "And I'm not famous because of that stuff either! I already told you I'm-"

“A heavyweight boxing champion, we heard it."

"MMA heavyweight champion!" He corrects, indignantly, and now several customers at the bistro were turning their heads to stare at them. The two girls were now looking at him a little more attentively "Come on, even those who don't follow martial arts leagues closely have heard of at least two or three fighters! Have you really never heard of-"

"Maybe we did, who knows" The shorter one shrugs "But if you're really that famous, Mr. Okubo, then I guess all I can do is ask for an autograph…"

"Oh yeah, now we're on the same page!"

"… For my little brother" She completes, and he gives her an astonished look, she justifies herself: "He's the one who loves these aggressive, testosterone-filled sports. Y'know, man stuff. He must have heard of you, if you really are a famous fighter."

They could see from his expression that he was getting emotionally drained, even his impatient posturing loosening up. He shakes his head, his cheeks still red, seeming very aware of the other customers' eyes on him.

"… I could've sworn you recognized me. I saw you guys looking me up and down while I was ordering..."

"We thought you were an acquaintance of ours. Our mistake. Sorry about that" The taller one shrugs "But since you were so interested in knowing us better, we can start from the beginning-"

"No. Never mind. I won't disturb you anymore" He shakes his head "Just give me a pen and a piece of paper, please. If your little brother really is a fan..."

Taken by sudden pity, the two girls comply with the request. After signing a napkin, the bald man takes a slightly exaggerated bow, leaves some bills on his own table and leaves the bistro, his ears red as bell peppers as he is followed by several pairs of eyes, a few giggles being heard amidst the hubbub. After he disappeared among the passersby, they turned to look at each other, making faces.

"Seriously, Mina? You recognized him, c'mon now" The taller one mumbles "That super famous fighter that your brother idolizes. He doesn't miss a single one of his matches or press conferences…"

"I did recognize him" The shorter one, Mina, snorts, blowing a lock of hair away from her forehead "But you saw the way he came at us, Keiko. Puffing out his chest like a peacock, persisting even with our lack of interest, lookin' all desperate… who can stand a guy like that? I don't care if he's famous or not..."

"I know, I know…" Keiko sighs "I thought we were going to have to call the manager to get him to leave us alone. But well, at least one good thing came out of it, right? Now you have an autograph to give to your brother..."

"Yeah, he was dying for one of these" Mina grabs the signed napkin and puts it in her bag "But I won't go into details about this meeting. Imagine if he knew what an annoying jackass his idol, Okubo Naoya, is.  He'd be so disappointed..."

Meanwhile, walking as fast as he could to put a good distance between himself and that damned bistro, Okubo was muttering to himself about avoiding that kind of establishment from now on. He sure as hell wouldn't make a fool of himself like that again if he could help it!

He wondered where he had gone wrong with his approach. Had he been too impolite with them at some point? No, dammit, he was just trying to strike up a conversation like the good-natured guy he was! Was he inconvenient? … Maybe, but holy shit, how could he be expected to hold back after seeing those two babes, let alone catching them staring at him with such interest? That was the only reason why he interrupted his afternoon snack and got up from his table to go to theirs. He'd thought he'd found two hot chicks he could hang out with. He'd thought he'd hit the jackpot. But by the looks of it, he would remain on that streak of bad luck for a while longer.

He kicks at some accumulated dirt on the sidewalk, cursing under his breath. Heck, what was the use of being a world-renowned MMA champion if he couldn't get extra benefits out of it? He had already seen so many of his fellow fighters surrounded by the most beautiful girls a man could wish for! Why wasn't he as lucky? Why did the world of martial arts leagues have to be a sausage party, with very few women really interested in what he did? At this rate, he wouldn't be getting a girlfriend anytime soon. It was nerve-racking to reach 36 and find yourself as single and woman-repelling as a celibate monk…

His cell phone suddenly vibrates in the confines of his pocket. He considers ignoring it, grumpy as he was, but when the device insists with more vibrations, he gives up and picks it up, still muttering under his breath, staring at the cracked screen in disgust (the asshole who almost ran him over was going to pay for the repair, he'd make sure of it). He had four unread messages from Rihito, aka “Mr. Iron Fingers,” as he so ingeniously named the contact.

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

hey you there?

himuro wanna hang out, he found a new place

wya?

answer fucker

Okubo rolls his eyes. Those girls at the bistro probably would've think of him as the most pleasant company in the world if they had known the clueless asshole he had for a friend.

EggHead:

tf you want

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

fuckin finally

you not busy right now right?

of course not

when there's no match or press conference, you pretty much useless LMAO 

Okubo swears again, but this time, his words are followed by a low chuckle. Only that asshole could get a smile out of him when all he wanted to do was sit in a dark corner of his apartment and stuff himself with junk food.

EggHead:

at least someone here has press conferences to attend to

fuckin asshat

what is it?

what new place did himuro found?

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

do you remember that sugar shack Yamashita mentioned?

the one that seki and the guys from sjpw are frequenting

himuro wants to go there

you comin?

Okubo makes a face. Sugar shack? Really? Who the fuck refers to a bakery in such a stupid way? And anyway, wasn't the humiliation conga he'd gone through in that damned bistro enough?

EggHead:

idk man

I just left a bistro

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

don't give me that bistro crap 

that sissy food won't fill you up

the guys from sjpw spoke highly of that bakery

nice food, nothing like those fancy places that serve fuckin bites in the middle of the plate 

and that entry-mee shit, idk the name

EggHead:

it's entremet

you illiterate pig

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

whatever bro

they said the food there is really good 

make some space in that belly of yours, i know you can 

even more so cause there's something there that i know you'll wanna see

I just know you'll be pissed if we go without you lol

Okubo frowns. He twists his mouth a little. And then he calls Rihito every name under the sun when curiosity gets the better of him.

EggHead:

do I look like fuckin detective conan to ya?

don't give me that mystery shit

just tell me what it is

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

the sugar shack owner, according to yamashita and koga, is the amazon type

like, baby got back AND muscles

and the best part

she's taking lessons from seki and the sjpw crew!

Okubo nearly drops the phone, which would have further destroyed the screen. A woman taking lessons from Sekibayashi and the SJPW crew?!

EggHead:

wtf

since when?

I didn't even know they accepted women there

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

they didn’t but they made an exception for her apparently

chick must be hella strong, bro 

don't you wanna see it for yourself?

Well, he couldn't deny it: his curiosity had been successfully piqued. Rihito, Himuro and Kaneda had this shared ability, as if they were a single organism with several interconnected minds, to make him accompany them on the most unlikely endeavors possible. And with an extra boost like that, there was only one answer he could give.

EggHead:

you son of a bitch

I'm in

where you guys at?

Mr_Iron_Fingers:

in the square near yamashita's office

the bakery isn't far from there

dm kaneda and see if he can come too

and I heard that even tokita knows this chick, can you believe it?

cmon, we can’t stay behind Kelpthullu, the Virgin One!

EggHead:

lmao alright then

see ya there

He exits the private chat and clicks on Kaneda's contact, the brief conversation with Rihito lifting his mood just a tad.

Well, that was him, wasn't it? The King of Combat was also the King of the Rejected; a reality he needed to learn to accept, whether he liked it or not. But at least he wasn't completely lonely. He still had his friends. And spending an afternoon with them, whatever they were doing, whatever trouble they were getting into or laws they were breaking, would erase the bitter aftertaste of the misadventures of his love life.

So he decides, as he walks faster, that this afternoon was going to be about only him and his friends, stuffing themselves with high-calorie sweets and having fun. He got dumped enough for the day. And he could go a day without trailing after chicks, couldn't he?

NEXT CHAPTER

[lake-archive]

Scene 52

AO3 Link

Fandom: Persona 5

Character (main): Anja / Luka (OC), Miyuki Ishikawa (OC) (mentioned)

Scene 51 - Masterlist - Scene 53

“I guess it was only a matter of time until you would come across her.”

If someone knew more about Ishikawa they knew who to turn to – Maki Watanabe. It was still a rather surreal feeling, that they would sit there now and hold a conversation with her. But that is what things had turned into since she had a ‘change of heart’, said change of heart having been caused by the Phantom Thieves. They had reached out for help after all and they had taken on the request shortly after. A lot of luck was involved in these chain of events, wasn’t there? Otherwise this all would have never occurred. Let alone would they have gotten any closer to Maki on their own accord nor would she have approached them. 

But that is how things are now, some weird partnership forming, Maki having declared herself the one who would give up on her crush yet support theirs… That was her premise at least but in truth it had been more than that. The source of information, at least to some degree. Maki was the go to source when it came to anything Detective Prince related. And this was no different. In the end she was not even surprised when she heard the name ‘Ishikawa Miyuki’ .

“Rumor has it that she is very close to Akechi–Sama.” Maki continued. “Then again, maybe it’s not that surprising. His contacts should reach very far, even to influential families.”

“Influential?” They asked, looking at the female with slightly wide eyes. Both were discussing this matter on the way home, at the train station. So they had to try keeping their voice down.

“Yes, influential. Didn't you know that the Ishikawas are a big deal?”

“I… Never even heard of them.”

“Seriously? You’re living under a rock.”

“I just… Never follow anything in regards to trends.” This was getting a little embarrassing. Were they supposed to know who the Ishikawas are? Are they really that big of a deal? 

“I can tell.” Maki sighed as she crossed her arms. “Listen, the Ishikawas are a very big deal. They have business left, right and center. Not to mention that their ties reach in every possible industry. All of their kids are known to be successful, heir or not. Miyuki is held in high regard for that alone.”

“So she is essentially just a big shot?” They rolled their eyes. Was it that easy for people to get famous? “What does she do?”

“What… She does? Uhm…” Maki started to fumble there for a short moment. She looked around even as she tried to think about a coherent answer. “She… Is a higher achiever… I think? And uhm… She’s pretty! And… Well…”

“So she’s got a status because of her family. Noted.” They sighed at this, unimpressed at this point. Even someone like Akechi is at least known for being a young detective, not because of some lousy family status. And not just him, recently they have also heard of this famous girl who is a shogi player. They had something to back it up with. This case sounded like ‘pretty girl from a rich family’.  Talk about being born into a prestigious household. “Sounds like pampered rich girl syndrome.”

“Well, sometimes people are easily charmed, wouldn’t you say?” Maki threw in yet trying to probably ignore their sour mood. Yet even that was an understatement. “You’re awfully harsh today…”

“Doesn’t that thought puss you off a little? Having to do nothing to get people to talk about you?” Not to mention that this sounds a little too good to be true… As if this was some fictional scenario… 

“Huh? I… Never thought about it that way.” Maki admitted, first staring at them before having a light grin on her face. “Or is that your jealousy talking~?”

“My what now?” They asked, raising an eyebrow at this remark. 

“You see, Miyuki is often spotted around Akechi–Sama. And the media is curious about that too.”

Huh? Wait, she is? That’s new but… Interesting, in a sense. “Good for her.” They scoffed however.

“Did you finally find a rival? It might be hard to compete with someone like Ishikawa Miyuki you know.”

“A rival?” They repeated the word which made them think for a short moment… Seeing her as a rival, Miyuki… The conversation yesterday flashed back into their mind as a result, them thinking back on Akechi’s reaction. How he masked it with the usual smile on his face. And yet he always had something about him, as if he didn't want to be there, just barely preventing himself from getting up and leaving. Yet at the same time his body had frozen in place, making it impossible for him to move to begin with. It was easy to tell though that he did not wish to be there in any shape or form. It was not hard to miss. But he involved himself in this conversation regardless. 

“No. Nothing like that.” They responded after careful consideration.

“You sure?”

“Positive. I was just curious about her.” That was not a lie, they were. But that changed nothing at hand… Miyuki Ishikawa… Something was a little off about her. Just what?

Scene 51 - Masterlist - Scene 53

[castlebyersafterdark]

Especially as a gay guy who with no hesitation crushed on so many straight male celebs without an ounce of whatever the hell this girl's mindset was. They're never going to meet you, let alone propose marriage!!

wow that story about your friend was so interesting! i imagine such a formative part of growing up queer is these 'hopeless' crushes, so why does her (straight) scenario hinge on whether they could actually be together? its as though her fantasy hinged on a glimmer of possibility. on hope. hmmm.

i think when we play pretend, even as kids, there's this impossibly simultaneous belief of two opposite things: that its both real and not real. the key is that they are balanced and both true somehow - so i could daydream about billie joe armstrong from this one magazine poster pasted on my bedroom wall for years but i def knew i wouldnt and probs didnt even want to meet him! i mean, i was like 13 and he was an adult, which kids now are freaking out about, but i didnt think twice about crushing on him because i wasnt hoping to meet or actually marry him lol.

but i guess today with social media where we can glimpse these people's lives, our fantasies become more 'possible' and the real-not real balance gets thrown out of whack. honestly i think it either spoils the fantasy (oh no theyre human after all) or it makes people believe they could actually be friends with celebs (because theyre human! yay!)... and like, yeah, technically, but when i see people saying 'i just need to meet them and we'd be besties' it always makes me cringe, because parasocial relationships make people forget that relationships really really are two-sided. and your fav celeb might just not... like you that much. or they might just be a bit boring irl for more than the length of a tiktok video lol.

idk, i've worked in jobs where i've met a fair share of celebs i admire from many different fields, and its amazing, the difference between idea of them and the presence they have in person. after that i decided i didnt like to meet my heroes because the imbalance felt so weird to me.

so maybe your friend knowing this guy was gay, it ruined her balance of real-not real make believe. whereas i assume you, knowing you were having gay crushes on straight dudes from a young age (</3), probably had this self awareness and so your fantasies hinged on something other than possibility. did you also like any celebs who were rumoured about, like prince or bowie? as i recall there was some ambiguous sexuality in the 00s alt scene, but who knows how much was for show? (mcr springs to mind)

Yeah, I definitely think it's very common across the board for a lot of people that once something interferes with their fantasy, it just breaks them a little. Which I always just find so odd because celebrity crushes are so far from reality so why does it matter so much?? Absolutely different if it's someone you know irl, you're into them, and then you either find out they have a SO, they're not sexually compatible, or they just... don't want you haha. Add a very thick layer of 'they'll never want you' to celebrities because while yes, famous people do get with non famous people, you crushing on someone famous as you go about your day to day normal life is a lot different than a random encounter that is so rare it's not even worth mentioning as logic to this situation. People get upset when they find out the celeb they like is dating someone. Or they come out. Or whatever. The make-believe really warps some people. (This could be a whole discussion on the rabid Mlvn fan issue, as a meltdown on the verge due to their ship sinking and their ideal fantasy world centered on Mike/El crumbling down, breaking their brains)

For example, I've made it pretty clear I have a big gay embarrassing crush on Finn. What does it matter though haha I will never meet that man. Don't want to, and I'm also very happy and smitten and secure in my personal life. It's just normal human attraction. Talent and being hot is appealing. I'm just a random fan. Same as everyone else! I could talk for hours about the parasocial epidemic but you said enough so I'll let that one sit. Also, I don't think I'd like him less if it turns out he's straight. Still follow his career. Still think he's fine as hell. I'll just probably like him more if he's on this side. That's my honest take.

And totally sad for kids that their peers and people older than them are promoting this thought-crime culture that it's weird or wrong to fantasize about other people, especially those older. That's just life!! It doesn't mean anything. It's admiration, it's aspirational, it's learning about yourself.

And to your last point, I can't remember all my crushes when I was young, mostly actors in shows or movies rather than musicians. Bowie and Prince would have been too old for me to even give a second thought about haha but I'm sure they were so validating for people a little further back, unless this just meant like them. I mean there were celebs that were out or who were rumored of course, but the biggest one I can think of was Lee Pace, esp during the height of the Hobbit filming. I was really into those movies in high school. He had rumors, which turned out to be true! So, there's an example that worked out actually.

This is kinda embarrassing now but my dream man growing up was Shaun White. Memory lane stuff right there, goddddd 🫣🤣

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

054 of 2023

Do you have a reason to smile right now?

Yeah, I just came back from the sea. It was very windy, but awesome.

Do you start the shower water before or after you get in?

Before. We need our boiler to warm it up for, like, two minutes before it gets hot.

True or false: Your not sitting on a chair to use the computer right now.

True, I’m not.

Do you regret any of your past relationships?

I feel they’ve taught me something, but I only regret wasted months.

How many times have you been to a museum?

I can’t count, but I’ve only been to one in the city I live in.

How has this past week been for you?

Awesome. I travelled a bit around the province and beyond.

Is anything going to happen next month that makes you happy?

Hopefully. We’ll see.

Are you going to be getting any new pets soon?

Probably not. We already have two.

Do you like the rain?

Nah I hate rain. Belgium is rainy by nature and I just can’t get used to it.

Do you like it when stores have sales?

Who doesn’t? Always nice to save some money.

Would you rather be a Panda or Grizzly bear?

Panda, they look cool.

Do you have any of your Easter candy left over?

What? Easter was almost a year ago. I don’t have special candy for that occasion, too. We never buy it.

Is there someone on your mind that shouldn’t be?

Yeah, M. I can’t help it.

Does your ex make you mad?

No, we’re great friends.

Will you talk to someone on the phone tonight?

Why would I?

Do you like BBQ sauce?

I do, but as far as I know, every company has its own recipe.

Do the stairs in your house have carpet?

No, they don’t.

What were you doing at 9 AM this morning?

Stressing out about that door banging situation.

Can you do a twirl like a ballerina?

LMAO.

Would you rather eat 12 hot dogs or 6 hamburgers?

Either, but not in that amount omg. I barely eat.

What color is the door to your basement?

We don’t have any basement. Cellars in Belgian houses are a rarity.

Was your favorite class science because of the experiments?

Not only. By the way, we don’t have science classes in my country. We habve separete biology, chemistry, physics and all.

Do you like citrus pop or any drinks?

Yeah, Schweppes Citrus Mix is pretty cool.

Last time you wore the opposite sex’s clothing?

Never. I’m not a crossdresser.

What’s the last board game you played?

I don’t remember, must have been years ago.

What laundry detergent do you use?

Formil.

Do you trust people too easily?

No. I don’t trust people at all, unless I know them well.

Are you currently fighting with someone?

Not that I know of.

Do you hang out with your siblings friends?

No, we live too far from each other.

Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?

I don’t think I ever did. Maybe something close to it, last year with M.

Have you ever kept anything wild as a pet?

No, unless my cats count as wild XD

Do you set good examples for little kids?

Pffft. Not in the eyes of conservative people.

Does your favorite song mention a famous person’s name in it?

I don’t think so.

Are you counting down the days to anything?

Visiting my parents again, but we don’t know yet when it will happen.

Does your house have a pool?

LMAO XD it’s a tiny house built probably two centuries ago or something.

If you broke your computer, would you be able to fix it by yourself?

Easily. My secondary school diploma is computer technician.

On a scale 1-10, how much does the opposite sex confuse you?

11. Women are so complicated, and I don’t mean it in a wrong way.

When you party, do you get wild?

I used to get drunk a lot, but not anymore.

If you found a wallet full of money, what would you do?

Give it back to the owner. I always try to be fair.

Do you do cheers often?

What is that even?

Do you enjoy fishing?

No, I don’t.

Was your first job babysitting?

Thankfully not.

Did you wear a hoodie today?

I always wear a hoodie, unless it’s hot outside.

Are you embarrassed to talk about stuff with your dad?

No. I’d rather talk to him than to my mum. He’s a man like me, after all.

Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood?

No.

[therealvinelle]

Ok I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I'm just now copying your Norwegian Bella AU into a text translator, and if you don't already have 50 people in your inbox demanding a translation then shame on ALL OF US because this is glorious! And while Google Translate does have a certain charm (it translated "piper hun ut" as "she beeps") I'm curious to see how you'd put it in English.

Troquantary is referring to this post. In which Bella doesn't speak English.

Fun fact, you're the only one who's gone into my inbox to request this. I was so sad, had the translation half-written and everything, but I was too proud to beg. So thank you, Troquantary, for popping this ask.

As for the dictionary fuckups, sounds about right. I made a few typos, too, that made Google Translate suffer even more. (Such as managing to mix up "henne" (her) and "hendene" (hands), resulting in Aro patting Bella instead of clapping his hands. Poor Google.)

Also, there are a few cultural references and language things that would be lost in the translation, in an attempt to keep them I included notes clarifying things.

Some things, like Aro and Carlisle's very old man way of speaking, are easier said than done to translate, you'll have to bear with me there.

Additional notes are that I added a few things to this version, many of them because translating is hard, but a few because while translating I thought "oh you know what would be much funnier-" and then wrote that.

Alright, without further ado:

When Renée left Charlie she did not go to Florida, she went to Oslo. And she went all in to make her daughter a true Norwegian, hiring Norwegian nannies and making sure never to speak English around the child. Since transatlantic flights are expensive, little Bella Swan rarely got to visit her father, and as such she never did learn what should have been her native language.

She quickly forgot what English she did have in favor of Norwegian, with the exception of words like “Yes”, “No”, and “I’m Bella”.

The few trips she took to visit her father were all the more awkward than in canon since she couldn’t play with the Black kids. Let not the blame fall upon Charlie: he took Norwegian classes and speaks conversational Norwegian. He can’t speak to Renée, because her Norwenglish is incomprehensible even to Norwegians, but he can communicate with Bella.

Not that he’s had a lot of chances to do so.

Bella makes it to seventeen years old, she’s in second grade at Handels* and is a major outsider among the preps there, and then Renée marries a handsome skier**. Together they shall travel the continent all winter to participate in as many skiing races as they can, and in the summer they’ll take gigs at Hurtigruta to see the coast.

*“Handels” is the nickname for an Oslo high school infamous for its pupils being rich and beautiful blonds who are going to be CEOs when they grow up.

**Skiing as a sport is huge in Norway

***Hurtigruta is a famous ferry that travels across the Norwegian West coast

Bella, who sucks at skiing and is too young to work at Hurtigruten, takes the hint.

With dread in her stomach and dictionary in hand she goes to her father in America.

Where she doesn’t speak the language.

Faen.

Charlie gives her a car, and I wish this meta was set in the present because I could have joked about electric cars and the automat only driver’s license*, but Twilight is set in 2005 so I can’t. The car part proceeds without drama.

*An increasing number of Norwegian youth take the driver’s license for automatic cars only, and we’re the country in the world with the highest percentage of electric car purchases.

School is worse than in canon, because she is now a thousand times more sensational than if she was merely the new student. She is from another country! All of Forks keels over with excitement.

To make matters even worse, our girl doesn’t understand a word of what people are saying.

She is too awkward to let them know she doesn’t know English. It’d become a thing, and they might think she’s dumb. To be fair, it’s not good that she’s been through primary, secondary, and now a year and a half of high school and still sucks at English.

So she nods, smiles, mumbles “Hi, I’m Bella” to the new faces, and blushes heavily when anybody says anything.

People assume she’s shy. That’s a bit boring, but oh well.

She has her biology class with the redhead hottie she noticed during lunch. She watched him and his family, they were fascinatingly pretty, but she doesn’t know anything more about them. Sure would have been great if she could have asked the tiny girl (was it Jess?) about them.

Biology proceeds as in canon - Edward badly wants to eat the delicious girl, but fortunately doesn’t.

She runs into him in the office when he tries to switch to another biology lesson, but she has no idea what he’s saying so she only has the suspicion that this somehow concerns her. Which is still uncomfortable, but Bella is probably the problem here. The hottie surely can’t be.

He’s missing from school for a week, Bella finds that weird.

He returns, and to her great horror he starts talking to her.

“Hello”, he says.

Bella dies inside. He’s too handsome!

"I'm Edward Cullen," he continues, and ok, she got that. The hottie is called Edward, that’s good to know. She’s not sure she caught that last name, though, Köln?

He says something else, it’s gibberish to Bella even though she’s concentrating, and at the end there he says “Bella Swan”.

She gulps.

"I'm Bella Swan," she confirms and nods. That should be correct. God, she hopes it’s correct.

He smiles a crooked, boyish smile. She’s awed. She didn’t think it was possible to be so beautiful.

He says something else.

Bella didn’t catch it.

She blushes even harder, she hasn’t been more embarrassed in her life. Here he is, the most handsome guy in all the world, and she has nothing to say to him. Literally, they don’t speak the same language.

She should tell him.

It’s one thing to chicken out of telling the town she doesn’t speak English, but there’s something different about Edward Cullen. He deserves the truth.

But...

He’s the most beautiful person she has seen in her life. He is American, too, so the odds of him knowing Norwegian are microscopical. If he finds out she doesn’t understand a word he says he’ll stop talking to her, and selfish as she is she doesn’t want that.

So with a slightly guilty conscience (but not enough to fess up) she contributes to the conversation with enough words and smiles to pull through. "Yes", "No", "Thank you", and "That's nice".

He is surprised by several of these answers, but instead of giving her odd looks and losing interest he grows more invested in the conversation.

Class ends.

The next day the near accident happens, and he saves her. She is stunned - dear god, did he just pick up a whole car? After teleporting across the parking lot..?

Soon she’s in the ER, and more than a little bit stressed about that fact since she knows the Americans have a terrible healthcare system.

She hopes Charlie has an insurance.

An insanely beautiful man walks into the ER, and Bella is shocked. He is just as handsome as Edward and Edward’s lunch friends!

He introduces himself as Carlisle Cullen, and Bella can only assume this is someone’s older brother. Possibly related to the blonde girl.

He smiles at her, says something, and she answers, "I'm Bella Swan."

He frowns.

That must have been the wrong answer, then.

His hands return to investigating her scalp, and to her great surprise he switches to perfect Norwegian, "kjenner De* noe ubehag når jeg holder her?" Do you feel any discomfort when I touch here?

*De is the Norwegian polite pronoun for “you”. Du = thou = the French tu, and De = you = the French vous. These polite pronouns went out of use in the 1980’s, save for when addressing royal persons, and would be considered antiquated in 2005.

He hurries to add, "Norsk lærte jeg i... fjor sommer. Det var et nettkurs." I learned Norwegian… last year. Online class.

"Hvilket da?" Which one? Bella asks, because Charlie needs to hear about this. The doctor has beautiful, if slightly outdated, pronunciation.

The doctor’s smile turns uncertain. She gets the feeling there’s something he doesn’t want to say. "Husker ikke," I don’t remember, sier han etter en litt vel lang pause.

That’s a shame. And weird.

"De hadde hellet med Dem i dag, som ikke ble truffet av den bilen." You were lucky today, not getting hit by that car. he then says, noticeably changing the subject.

"Det var ikke hell, det var Edward," It wasn’t luck, it was Edward, she replies sharply.

The doctor definitely looks uncomfortable.

She continues, "Han krysset skolegården på et blunk, og plukket opp hele bilen. Jeg så det," He crossed the schoolyard in a moment, and picked up the whole car. I saw it,

The doctor laughs. "Om han kunne det hadde nok gymkarakteren hans vært meget bedre. Nei, frøken Swan*, jeg beklager å si at det høres ut som at De er litt omtåket. Det er helt normalt ved hjernerystelse." If he could do that, his PE grade would be a lot better. No, Miss Swan, I’m sorry to say you seem confused. That’s normal with concussions.

*Addressing a young woman as “frøken” is even more outdated than using polite pronouns.

Why does Bella get the feeling he’s lying?

She’s discharged.

We’ll jump ahead to her trip to La Push - that trip uneventful, since Jacob knows she doesn’t speak English. They stick their hands in their pockets and stare at the sea.

The next day she’s shanghaied to Port Angeles, because apparently she said “Yes” at the wrong time when talking to Jessica (Turns out Jess’s name was Jessica!) and accidentally said yes to a day trip to Port Angeles.

Like in canon she wanders away from the others, and as in canon she is nearly gang raped. And again as in canon she is saved at the last moment by Edward.

He buys her dinner, and she can’t believe her own luck- and misfortune. A date with the most handsome guy on the planet (hence the luck) and she can’t say a word to him (hence the misfortune)!

He says things to her, lends her his jacket, and really this is it for Bella, she’s peaked, life can’t get better than this.

(That’s a lie, it would be better if she spoke English.)

He’s so amazing.

She’s gotten pretty good at navigating conversations with him, so she nods and aha’s her way through.

In his car on the way home the tone takes a more serious turn.

He asks her about something, and it’s a serious question, that much she’s gathered. She answers in the confirmative.

He is silent.

Did she say anything wrong?

(Edward, on his end, just asked if she knows what he is. She said yes, so calmly, not even a trace of fear in her.)

A few days later he takes her out on a walk in the woods.

He shows her a meadow in the woods, and when he steps into it he lights up in the sunlight.

Bella is in shock.

She knew there was something different about him, but- holy cow. This guy isn’t human.

Is she dating a god?

She stumbles into the clearing after him, and they spend a day together where he says things, and she can barely hear any of it (nevermind understand it) because she’s so distracted by how pretty he is.

The next day he takes her to a house in the middle of nowhere. She doesn’t want to guess that this can be where he lives. Surely gods don’t live in houses?

He shows her inside the house, and introduces her for Dr. Cullen and a lady with a name she doesn’t catch.

Bit weird that these two are acting like a couple of parents, they’re far too young and divine for that.

Edward shows her around in an old-fashioned office, and she doesn’t know what to make of i when she sees a painting of Carlisle. Edward launches into a long story when he sees her watching it, unfortunately she doesn’t catch any dates or artist names. At one point she heard the word “suicide”, though, and that’s not good.

She doesn’t get much out of the story.

The baseball game doesn’t happen because Bella didn’t pick up on what Edward wanted and didn’t realize she was being invited to a thing. They spend the afternoon watching a movie instead.

The relationship continues, impeded slightly by communication problems, but she’s mostly able to cover those up.

Until her birthday comes around.

She gets a papercut.

Jasper lunges at her. Edward throws her into a glass table, and then everyone is leaving.

Carlisle is kind enough to switch to Norwegian when he’s stitching up her arm, perhaps remembering the last time she was his patient. "Jasper har ikke vært på dietten vår så veldig lenge." Jasper hasn’t been on our diet for very long.

"Diett?"she asks. She’s never seen Edward eat anything. She wasn’t clear on what the Cullens ate, honestly she thought they were above such things. She was thinking maybe photosynthesis. The knowledge that they apparently eat food astounds her, but diets?

"Dyreblod istedenfor menneskeblod," Animal blood in stead of human blood, Carlisle clarifies.

Whachasay?

Carlisle gives a slight smile. “Jaspers liv som vampyr fikk en brutal start." Jasper’s life as a vampire got off to a brutal start.

...

Vampire?!

Bella’s missed something here.

Oh dear lord, oh fy faen, she has missed something.

“Åja”, uh huh, is all she can say, and suddenly she’s very aware of the fact that she’s sitting there with a bleeding arm.

And Carlisle.

Who is a vampire.

Over the course of the following conversation Bella makes a host of discoveries.

Edward has been a vampire this whole time, and he’s a telepathic vampire. Whether Bella should be a vampire too or not has been a matter of hot debate, but due to religious reasons Edward doesn’t want that.

Carlisle also brings up how Edward died of the Spanish flu.

"Jeg var under den oppfatning at Edward fortalte deg bakhistorien min?" I was under the impression Edward told you my back story? Carlisle asks at one point, and Bella just has to ask very nicely if he’d be so kind as to repeat it.

Turns out the guy is nearly four hundred years old.

Jaha.

Jahahaha jaa ha.

That’s… a lot.

She wanders out of the house in shock, and hardly notices Edward’s strange behavior over the next couple of days.

One day he picks her up at school, and takes her behind the house.

That works out.

He’s a vampire, but he never hurt her. He is endlessly beautiful, perhaps easier to love now that she knows he’s not a god. He’s her Edward, and that’s suddenly easier now that she knows.

They can still be together.

But now that she knows this about him, it’s about time he knows something about her as well.

It’s time to finally be honest with him.

So when he opens his mouth, she opens her mouth as well, but she doesn’t get any further than to “Edward-” before he launches into a monologue.

She’ll have to wait until he’s done before saying her piece. It’s a bit embarrassing, but it doesn’t seem like he intends to stop talking anyway.

And what he’s saying seems to be serious, so it’s probably best to let him finish.

Edward concludes his monologue by kissing her forehead. Then he disappears.

Where did he go?

A big unsure, Bella goes back to the house. She’ll just have to wait until he gets back.

She doesn’t know what to think when Charlie returns from work and tells her the Cullens have all left.

Oh, god.

Edward must have found out she doesn’t speak English.

She made a mockery of him.

He has every right to leave.

Knowing this doesn’t make it any easier to live with.

Bella sinks into a depression.

The hallucinations begin, as in canon, though Hallusinward speaks Norwegian. Thank god for small mercies.

The friendship with Jacob (dictionary in hand) blooms, as someone has to help her see those hallucinations.

The cliff diving happens, and Alice shows up. Bella’s not sure what this is about, but she has gotten good enough at English to know that something bad happened, and Alice wants them to do something.

She’s a bit surprised to find herself on a plane to Italy, though.

Alice tells her to “Run to Edward” and ok, she got that, actually.

So she saves Edward.

After that she’s taken into the sewer, which turns out to house dozens of vampires.

Bella, Edward, and Alice are received in some kind of hall, where an unusual vampire has quite a bit to say. She understands some of what he’s saying, at least the part about “la tua cantante”. She knows a bit about Italian, see, so she knows that he’s talking about a song now.

She wishes she knew the context.

At one point he takes her hand, and appears fascinated by it. She wonders if he’s a palmreader. Not very vampirey, but what does she know.

He asks her a question.

"Yes," she says.

Saying yes has gotten her this far, after all.

But when he lights up and claps his hands together, and Edward and Alice stare at her in shock and betrayal, she knows she must have said the wrong thing.

The two are dismissed from the room before Bella can do or say anything, she’s just listening to Edward make a racket outside in the hallway.

Not good.

The unusual vampire brings her further down in his sewer palace to a basement, and she is given comfortable clothes to wear.

This is getting terrifying.

The vampire leans towards her - and she chickens out.

"Jeg snakker ikke engelsk!" she squeaks. "Non habla ingles!" I don’t speak English.

Han stanser, og ser forvirret ut. "Que- Hva behager*?" I beg your pardon? spør han etter et øyeblikk.

*A very formal, and slightly outdated (you can use it, but people will think you’re putting on airs. And they will be right) way of saying “excuse me?”

Sobbing, Bella tells him the whole story, from how she didn’t want to be the weird kid in school to how she’s now somehow in Italy without knowing why nor what she just agreed to.

When she’s done the vampire starts laughing.

"Dette forklarer jo en hel del," This explains quite a bit, ler han. "Men, kjære Bella, jeg er redd det ikke endrer noe." But, my dear Bella, I’m afraid it changes nothing.

He tells her that she has agreed to serve him and his army of undead warriors into eternity.

Well fuck.

"Du skal få slippe det, når du ikke visste hva du samtykket til - men skjebnen din forblir den samme. Loven er loven." You’re released from that promise, as you didn’t know what you agreed to - but your fate remains the same. The law is the law.

After a moment of silence, during which she looks terrified, he hurries to add, "Vi har en lov. Du må bli en av oss." We have a law. You must become one of us.

A law that Bella Swan has to become a vampire?

People are finally speaking Norwegian, and Bella is still lost. And it’s too embarrassing to keep pestering this poor, polite man with questions.

So she nods.

He gives her a glittering smile, and bites her.

When she wakes, Aro offers her an English course. A language course that, naturally, leads to her staying in Volterra. Why not learn a few more languages while we’re at it, dearest Bella?

Some time later Edward breaks into Volterra to save his Rapunzel, only to barely recognize her now that she’s a vampire who says things. Lots of things, she talks all the time now. WHAT DID ARO DO TO HER.

Too mortified to admit that she never spoke English, Bella claims she’s been brainwashed.

Aro is having too much fun to correct her, and the whole sad affair sets off a regrettable flood of rumors.

[wincore]

field day | jung sungchan

pairing: sungchan x fem!reader

synopsis: when you, as cheer captain, are best friends with the pride and joy of the soccer team, rumors are bound to fly around.

genre: high school au, soccer au, bff2l, fluff

words: 7.5k

warnings: language, jung “the risk i took was calculated but man am i bad at math” sungchan

request: sungchan + ball + “ everyone is looking at us. is that a good or a bad thing? ” (from the first option) ^__^

song recs: after school - weeekly / pleaser - wallows / some - bol4 / sweet talk - saint motel / love so sweet - cherry bullet

a/n: i tried recalling some hs memories for this and im hoping i wasnt the only one that went through the “shipped with a random dude” ordeal LOL. i haven’t written shorter fics in a while so i’m glad i got to. tq for requesting, lovepie <33

In high school, peer pressure tends to come in different forms. For you, it’s taken the shape of this.

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” 

You look around your classmates, scanning each and every face chanting with glee like you’re a star player scoring the winning point. The tall figure shifts beside you, glancing at you like a blinking idiot. You’re not even on the losing team but it feels just as frustrating.

You glare at the boy beside you. The trouble is Jung Sungchan. The trouble has always been Jung Sungchan. 

“Come on!” Chenle calls with a teasing grin from the buzzing crowd. The little shit. It’s getting hotter with each minute you spend by the green soccer field and its dusty chalked lines, just at the tip of the bleachers. You didn’t even get enough time to breathe before you were surrounded, the soccer team pushing a stumbling Sungchan onto you. It’s too sunny for this today.

“The star soccer player gets a kiss from the lead cheerleader after a winning game! That’s the rule.” Chenle announces.

Sungchan looks at you and you turn to him, the both of you looking at each other like fish out of water. Even though you’ve clarified at least a hundred times that you’re just friends, your peers don’t seem to be satisfied. (“Famous last words,” they say.)

“No,” you say, firmly. 

“No,” Sungchan agrees, nodding his head wisely.

“Don’t copy me,” you say, smacking his chest, and a quiet ‘oof’ escapes his mouth.

The fact that you’ve been best friends since Sungchan offered you a light green crayon in elementary school just fuels the idea that you have to date. There’s this difference between elementary school kids teasing and high school kids teasing—it was so much easier back when boys were afraid of cooties from girls. It was innocent too. Now, it’s more of nudges and sly grins, teasing with unnecessary innuendo. (What else do you expect from teenagers experiencing puberty?) It doesn’t stop you from being best friends though. Sungchan still visits on Fridays to get on your mom’s nerves and help you with homework (or try to). You still have all the little trinkets he’s gifted you over the years and the lock to his phone is still your birthday. You’re best friends and strictly that. 

When you got into the same middle school though is when it started going downhill. Holding his hand was awkward, touching him in any way was awkward and god forbid you compliment him on something. The kids around you would run across the halls saying “(name) likes Sungchan!” or the other way around sometimes. Heathens, the lot of them. But at the very least, he wasn’t too fazed and you wonder how he could be that even-tempered. If it was just you feeling that way, then maybe you did like him more than he did you. 

You shake it off. 

Sungchan’s much more grown now and at least a foot taller since his awkward adolescent years; he looks handsomer too but you wouldn’t be caught dead saying it out loud. After all, it’s only going to spark another debate on the anonymous school forum. (“(name) finds Jung Sungchan attractive, they’re totally dating.” “I knew it. A boy and a girl can’t be friends, especially if they’re both good looking.”) If you’re being honest, you hate the rumours so much—it’s one of the reasons, apart from puberty, stopping you from being as close as before. However, you do understand that this is how the passage of time works. You’re not going to be spending all of your time with each other, yes, but you still regard him as important. Your life is too busy now, with exams and practice—and you’d think a busy bee would get some honey as reward.

Sungchan’s curls stick to his forehead, unruly after he wiped at them with a towel. The sunlight plays with his eyes when he looks at you intently and you shrug. The smell of sweat is starting to make you nauseous. You remember that you too need to take a shower.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” you mumble.

“Not today?” He asks.

You shake your head. “The girls have a plan.”

It’s not just the sweat. Or the crowds. You don’t like being here at all. There’s one more problem with this place.

You hate soccer. 

And by hate, you mean you despise it. Like you’ll throw up at the sight of it. What’s so riveting about a bunch of smelly, sweaty guys excited about chasing a patterned ball? You’ve tried to understand it but every time your dad explains the rules, you find yourself zoning out of whatever alien language he speaks. 

Sungchan has been the closest to getting you to understand the game and even then, you refused to learn. It’s not like you’re society’s definition of girly—but you’re not a tomboy either. The school has granted you the “ice queen with a warm interior” stereotype so you’ll just go with that. To be honest, you’re just a little more awkward at open affection than your friends. (And Sungchan has the “friendly beagle” stereotype which you’ll agree is partly true. He’s more of a retriever though, with that size.) It’s just funny how you can never seem to know who you are but other people see so clearly.

You hurry up to the locker rooms and hope for a better evening than this afternoon.

-

The sky burns blue and you wipe the sweat off your brow once you step out of the changing room. Cooling off from your shower has gone to waste. Adjusting your school skirt, you take your usual strides to the school gates. 

Ryujin seems to be showing Yuna a very flamboyant dance move while the latter hypes her up. Ryujin is in her gym uniform because she has no care for her reputation apparently, but she makes it work. Yuna’s about to show her own move when she notices you and waves at you vigorously enough to make you jog towards her and stop embarrassing herself in front of the after school crowd. But then again, she’s too cute for that.

“We got bored waiting for you,” Yuna explains, voice hoarse from her cold. Poor thing wasn’t let into performing because of it. “Do you wanna see our cool new move? Ryujin came up with it!”

Ryujin rolls her eyes. “You’re trying to advertise me to (name) so she can recruit me into cheerleading, aren’t you?”

You smile and cross your arms, facing Yuna who’s been caught mid-act. She smiles sheepishly and pats your shoulder like she just said a funny joke.

“Actually…” You begin and Ryujin holds up her arms in a cross.

“No. Never. I’m already part of the hip-hop dance club.”

“I was going to say that I’ll join you instead.”

Yuna gasps in betrayal, big eyes widening, and Ryujin grins before sticking her tongue out and potentially ruining her image with that expression. She doesn’t care, however.

“Anyway, I can’t wait to get to college and join a dance club.” Ryujin looks at the two of you excitedly. “I keep getting snaps from Yeji and feel so jealous.”

Yuna pouts. “Don’t be so happy about leaving me.”

“Aw, is the baby afraid of not getting any more sisterly doting?” Ryujin teases and you laugh at the disgruntled expression on Yuna’s face. 

“Don’t worry,” Ryujin continues with a sly grin. “Taehyun’s here to keep you company for another year.”

Yuna turns red in the face, a high pitched complaint emitting from her throat. “I told you to keep quiet about that!”

“Oh, what’s this?” You wiggle your eyebrows. “We’re starting boy talk early today.”

Yuna huffs. “At least, mine’s just a crush. I don’t know what relationship status: complicated you have going on with Mr. Soccer Captain.”

You flush hotly. “There’s no relationship status to be complicated about! Seriously, why does everyone think we’re a thing?”

“You’re cheer captain and he’s soccer captain,” Ryujin answers logically. “Plus, you’re best friends.”

“You have a lot of sexual tension,” Yuna answers honestly.

You make a face, slipping your arms into theirs and pulling them along the sidewalk. You better get something to drink before the sky starts to turn purple from pink tinged blue. 

“Ooh, another desperate attempt from (name) to not get teased,” Ryujin leans back to whisper to Yuna.

You stop walking. “Wait. Where are we going?”

Yuna shakes her head. “I’ll lead the way.”

Skipping over the concrete sidewalk, you laugh at your friends and their stories (read: Ryujin gushing over Yeji’s college dance club and Yuna’s newfound crush on Taehyun). The blue sky has tinged orange by now but it’s the sort of colour that sits in between more significant timeframes, like night and evening. Passing by a city square, you eye the people with wonder. A girl in a pink skirt skateboards smoothly over the concrete, her boyfriend filming her with a loving smile. 

“We’re here!” Yuna announces.

You look around the large open plaza, with people of all ages and in different attires trying out skateboarding and rollerblading over the grey concrete. It’s been getting popular lately, with idol pop stars taking to it too but you never knew there was this big a community. There seems to be a few stalls renting out skateboards too. The wind caresses your hair, evening cool settling in nicely on your skin. The sky is purple but it’s lit up with the city buildings and street lamps flickering on. It’s not a bad day at all.

Someone catches your attention. A boy that sticks out like a sore thumb everywhere he goes. 

“Sungchan?!” 

Your eyes somehow always settle on his figure, tall and standing out in the crowd of teenagers. He clutches his blue bag, the one he’s had since third grade, close to his chest and looks more like a tourist in this place than a frequent visitor. He’s not the only one in school uniform now that you’re here.

“(name)!” 

You hate how you love the way his face lights up when he sees you. You’re not actually into him. It’s your friends brainwashing you.

“I was going to invite you,” Sungchan says, a sorry smile on his face. 

Ryujin and Yuna frown at each other but you can’t exactly ask the reason for it.

“Isn’t it great we had the same plans?” he beams at the three of you.

Yuna suppresses a smile and you wonder why. It’s not like your friends would know he’d be here—you’d know first as best friend.

"How did you guys come across this place?" He asks, eyes round with curiosity. 

"Somi's Tiktok," Yuna answers, smiling. "We thought she works here but if she really was, guys would be swarming this place."

Ryujin raises her eyebrows. "Speaking of which, I can clearly see why there are so many girls here."

Sungchan beams, turning to you for affirmation and when you don't give him any, he drops his grin to a more polite smile.

“I don’t work at the stalls though,” he answers. “I’ve just been here a few times.”

“You’re trying to learn, aren’t you?” Ryujin asks, raising an eyebrow.

He nods. However, you furrow your eyebrows at her. How does she know? Eyes widening, you realize it must be the school forum. You remember reading a post about a student wanting to learn skateboarding and the wording felt familiar but you didn’t think much. How they figured it out, you will never know.

“Oh! Oh, I think my nose is bleeding. Oh god.” Yuna sniffs vehemently, her finger at her nose. “I think I’m going to need Ryujin to get me to a clinic.” 

Linking her arm through Ryujin’s, Yuna makes an apologetic expression and runs off into a particularly crowded area.

You blink. The realization dawns. 

"They just left me," you tell him, exasperated. "How could they just leave me?"

He shrugs. "My team left me at a rival school's field once."

Great. Your last outing before midterms and your friends have abandoned you. If this is the case, you wonder why they complain about you spending so much time with Sungchan and allegedly ignoring them.

You regain a sense of your surroundings and turn to him. "Wait. They really left you?"

He nods diligently, eyes trained upwards as he tries to recall the memory. "I told you, didn’t I? On the plus side though, I made friends with the opposite team."

"That's so… cute."

Your cheeks heat up at saying it out loud. If Sungchan is affected by it in any way, he doesn't show it. Instead, he has his usual smile on. 

“Do you wanna try?” he asks. “Skateboarding. Or rollerblading but I personally don’t recommend that.”

He curls his lips, shaking his head slightly. You laugh. Of course this beanpole has trouble balancing on skates.

"I- I figured you'd be good at skateboarding. Since, you know, you're so balanced and all."

You raise an eyebrow. "You wanna add skateboarding to your resume or something?"

"Yeah, that and the ability to imitate dog sounds. Wanna see?"

"No, thanks. I’ll pray this weekend to cure your furry behaviour."

Before he can respond, you’re interrupted by a whirlwind of colours and excited calls. A few girls run up to the two of you, younger and probably in middle school, flocking to Sungchan like bees to honey. Never in your life have you felt so ignored as in this singular moment.

You blink, turning to Sungchan who looks like a rather helpless, flustered eye of the hurricane. The winds don't seem to be stopping any time soon.

You clear your throat trying to get their attention. 

"Wow, you brought your girlfriend?" One of the girls exclaims, sounding disappointed.

The other girls make similar whines of disappointment and you have half the heart to whack them over the head and tell them to focus on their academics instead of boys. 

"You're so lucky to have him as your boyfriend," a girl comments, round eyes brimming with jealousy. 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you declare sharply.

Sungchan looks at you with his doe eyes, blinking cartoonishly. You nudge him with your elbow.

“Yeah!” He agrees, with far too much gusto to be believable. “I’m not (name)’s boyfriend. I have no idea why everyone keeps saying that.”

“Let’s go, babe,” you say, resisting the urge to stick your tongue out at the girls. They’re younger than you and you have high school dignity, you remind yourself.

Slipping your hand into his, you take a few long strides away from them before you realize what you said.

“I- I did- I didn’t mean to call you babe,” you sputter, pulling your hand from his to look at him with wide eyes. 

“It’s okay though?”

Sungchan raises an eyebrow and slips his hand back into yours, smiling. 

“I don’t mind the rumours, you know?” He says honestly but his smile feels all too teasing. “Maybe we should go out for real.”

You huff, separating yourself from him again. “Maybe you just love attention. Disgusting.”

You point an accusatory finger at him and he bites at it playfully.

“While you're here, wanna see a cool trick I learned?" He straightens only having to tilt his head to look at you.

"If it's you falling on your face, then yes."

"I mean, hey, I could totally do that. Done that several times actually."

You smile despite trying your hardest not to. You like this about him—that he’s easygoing enough to make you look at life less seriously. If it’s with him, you could quit everything that makes you unhappy and start everything you love. 

“So where is your skateboard?” you ask, walking side by side with him, who has finally learned to match your pace.

“It’s with one of my friends,” he answers, and points to a tall girl with long brown hair, wearing a pair of tomboyish shorts and T-shirt. Another girl with short hair and a bucket hat accompanies her, wearing a long hoodie and shorts, but she leaves before you reach them. They must be from a different school because you’ve never seen them before. The first thing that pops into your head is that they’d be good replacements for your cheerleading position if you were ever to leave. You shake your head. Now is not the time.

“That’s Jimin!” he introduces, and you wonder how he’s this way—how he makes friends so easily.

Jimin waves at Sungchan and then proceeds to ask if you’re his girlfriend with a big smile, like a script being followed everywhere you go.

She seems a little disappointed at the answer. “Well, I was going to suggest one of the couples skateboards.”

You flash her an awkward smile. 

“But those are pretty difficult! I’ve been here for a month and my idea of skateboarding is still sitting on it while Soeun pushes me around. That’s my friend, by the way.”

“Ah.” You nod. “This is my first time skateboarding, actually. The only ‘sport’ I’ve ever done is cheerleading.”

Jimin furrows her eyebrows before her eyes widen. “Wait a minute. You’re the cheerleader best friend that Sungchan wouldn’t shut up about!”

Sungchan flusters, in the subtle way he usually does, and waves his hands robotically trying to explain. “I was just saying- that- that you’d be good at skateboarding. Because of the cheerleading.”

A boxy grin accompanies his explanation. 

“Right.” Jimin covers her face and sends an obvious wink your way. “Anyway, you can have my skateboard for the day.”

She hands over a smooth black skateboard with white wheels, but on closer inspection you find that they’re light-up wheels instead. It’s oddly fitting for someone like Jimin even if you’ve known her the entirety of ten minutes. Sungchan is good at finding friends, rather. Soon enough, she runs off after making Sungchan promise he’ll deliver the skateboard home.

The trick Sungchan wanted to show you was a failed kickflip. At the very least, it made you laugh so hard you almost spit out the strawberry milk he’d bought you. Sipping his own banana milk, he sulked for a moment or two, telling you to try it out and see how difficult it is.

On the contrary, Sungchan was right. You are good at balancing on skateboards. But that’s where it ends. You don’t think you’ll be naturally good at kickflips, though being able to glide through the plaza while Sungchan runs after you with the drinks puts a big smile on your face. It’s the most fun you’ve had in a while.  

Accompanied by Sungchan’s panicked “oh no”s and “oh we messed up”s, the two of you try the couple skateboarding move too; no one’s watching you here. It’s fun to see him stress over a skateboard because frankly, you’ve never met anyone as easy-going as Sungchan. (“I’ll figure it out along the way,” he says when you ask if he’s studying for finals, and proceeds to get a decent enough score). Suddenly the wandering gap is closed again. You’re not going to worry about stupid rumours from now on. 

But for some reason, ‘you like him as a friend’ doesn’t sound right either. Despite having said it so many times, you might not believe in it. You shake off the thought. This evening, at least, you’re going to enjoy with Sungchan without thinking of teenage drama and hormones. 

"You still don't think you and Sungchan make the perfect pair?" Yuna pouts. 

You narrow your eyes. "I don't take opinions from traitors."

Chaeryoung leans back on her chair, and whispers to you asking if you’re okay. At least someone is concerned about you.

“It hurts to be left by my own friends but—”

“No, I meant, are you okay? Why aren’t you dating Sungchan already? You’re so cute together! And you’re best friends—Netflix writers literally daydream of this.���

You groan, throwing up your hands in defeat.

“And,” Yuna adds, knocking her chair closer. “Who’s really the traitor here? Us who ditched you with the love of your life—or you, who runs off every time she gets a call from her boyfriend?”

“Sungchan is not my boyfriend.” You cross your arms.

“She even shares her lunch with him more,” Ryujin complains from the side. “And they’re not even in the same class. Unlike me, by the way. Class 1 Shin Ryujin. Same class as you, (name).”

You slump, resting your forehead against the desk. At this point, you wish the teacher would walk in and start the class already. Unfortunately, lunch break isn’t over for another ten minutes and lady luck clearly isn’t smiling upon you. 

“Speak of the devil!” Ryujin announces monotonously, leaning against her desk.

Sungchan and a few of his friends from the soccer team wave at you and the girls from the classroom door. Noticing Taehyun, Yuna quickly fixes her hair and you would tease her if Sungchan hadn’t casually strolled up to your desk and sat down on the chair in front of you. Long legs barely contained in the space, he adjusts himself by resting his arm on the headrest and his chin upon it. It’s all normal. However, when he leans down to match your eye level, you hear the sudden pit-a-pat of your pulse in your ear. At this proximity, you can even see the mole on his lip that he’s pointed out before. The sunlight from the open windows is pulling golden strings over his eyelashes and his lips aren’t dry as a desert like you expected. You know he uses the watermelon flavoured lip balm. 

“Too close,” you croak. Embarrassed at your own voice, you rise sharply and glare at him.

“Is your heart fluttering?” Sungchan asks, smiling as he looks up at you.

You roll your eyes. 

You can hear Yuna’s giggling and before you can shoot her a glare, Sungchan calls. 

"Do you have any bandaids?" 

He points to a rough scratch at the base of his palm, fingers slender and less calloused than what you'd pictured. Then again, soccer players don't use their hands much, do they?

You blink. "You came all the way here for bandaids?"

"Well… I remembered you keep band-aids in your phone case. And the nurse hates me."

You giggle.

Yujin mouths from behind Sungchan, “He just wanted to see her.” 

You would feel flattered if you didn't know these people and their shenanigans. They'd do anything for some drama (and to get two innocent people into the dating trap).

“Why would I waste my cute band aids on you?” you mutter under your breath. “They’re limited edition, you know?”

No way are you sticking Ice Bear on your urban hazard of a best friend. A tall, cute, surprisingly polite hazard but he still annoys you nonetheless.

However, Sungchan's pleading smile has grown on you.

You reluctantly take the band-aid out of your clear phone case, the pink panda doll attached to it swaying with the movement. Proceeding, you take Sungchan's hand and lay it on your desk. With careful focus, you place the band-aid, admiring the size difference of your hands before snapping to reality.

Enough with the pink cloud of thoughts, you scold yourself.

When you look up, the proximity makes your heart skip a beat despite the logical part of you saying you shouldn't. Your faces are too close and this time, you don't even have the energy to croak it out.

"Thanks, (name)," Sungchan smiles at you. 

Right then, the sound of a chair sliding harshly against the floor makes the two of you jolt away from each other. All of your friends and his friends seem to be sporting Cheshire cat grins and you don't like it one bit. You don't like not being in on the gag.

"Anybody up for gaming after this? My treat." Chenle looks around. “Sungchan is banned from the arcade soccer game though.”

"'Ey," Sungchan complains.

"Hey, Jisung and Ryujin are banned from DDR too but that's because they almost broke the handles off last time."

The memory makes you smile. Sungchan was there too, and you don’t know why you’re only just recalling all the memories with him in it, carefully and in detail. Every one of them seems to have been amplified, the little interactions suddenly coming to mind. 

“(name)? You’re coming?”

You take one look at Sungchan and give up. Even if this is another childish ploy by your peers, you don't mind spending some more time at the arcade with infuriatingly addictive games. A tiny part of you is even willing to go along with them and see if it turns out the way they want it to.

“I’ll go,” you mumble, and the rest of the group cheers. 

“But I have cleaning duty today.”

The group groans. 

“Just get someone else to do it. Like a junior.”

“Isn’t that bullying?” You ask, frowning.

“Ask nicely. Anyone would be willing to do your bidding, (name).”

“Chenle, will you do it?” You give him a sickly sweet smile. “You’re class president after all.”

Chenle wrinkles his nose. “You’re getting stupider every day, (name).”

You sigh. “Fine. I’ll ask one of Yuna’s classmates then.”

“By the way,” Chenle announces. “Only twelfth graders are invited—”

A bunch of groans interrupt him. 

“Quit whining.” He crosses his arms, glaring at them. “What do you even have to worry about? We’re preparing for the exam of our lives. Oh, and Jisung is an exception.”

“We’re only two years apart,” Yuna mutters under her breath.

“Oh, and from class 5, only Sungchan is invited.”

Another round of complaints pass and Chenle breaks into laughter. “Just kidding.”

Your friends are and will always be an odd bunch. Sungchan has previously proved to be the weirdest (several times) and it makes him the most lovable too. But then again, you don’t have free space in your timetable to put in teenage crushes, much less falling for your best friend. What you do have time for this afternoon, however, is relaxing at the arcade. 

-

“Let’s go! I am so good at this. Think I’d impress your Steve Curry?” Ryujun gloats, after having scored three hoops in a row at the arcade basketball game.

“It’s Stephen Curry,” Chenle corrects. “And no, let’s focus here. Our goals are—”

He points to the two figures by the DDR machine, looking like a real couple. He’s been acting as damage control for the rumours and making sure you don’t drift apart because of it. They really don’t make guys like him anymore, Chenle sighs. He should get a friendship award or something.

“—those two.”

Really, Sungchan better be thanking him by the end of this. He’s never met anyone quite like Jung Sungchan, especially because Chenle cannot picture himself liking the same person since elementary school.

“Man, now I wish I had a girlfriend,” Chenle mutters.

Ryujin snorts. “Who’s going to date you?”

“You don’t have a boyfriend either,” Chenle reminds and gets a basketball to the shoulder.

“Why are you playing that when you don’t even know how to use it?” Your voice rings through to them.

“I said I’ll figure it out!” Sungchan reasons.

Chenle and Ryujin stare at the two of you blankly, as you bicker over a claw machine game and they share a look.

“Do they need our help?” Ryujin whispers.

Chenle shakes his head. “I think they’ll figure it out from here.”

Soon enough, you were laughing at Sungchan’s failed attempts and trying to outplay him. Your friends have already given you the shove. Chenle and Ryujin share a high five and that’s where the new story begins.

You finally know the thrill of a teenage crush. It makes you so damn infuriated that it had to be Jung Sungchan. 

Now every time he waves at you from the field or hands you a bottle of strawberry milk or explains the calc notes you missed or does the bare minimum, you need to deal with the quickening of your pulse and a few butterflies loose from their cage in your stomach. It doesn’t help that you’re almost always together.

The two of you currently sit by the school field, Sungchan tying his shoelaces while you cool off with the water bottle he offered you. Practice ended a while ago for you and the girls have receded into the air conditioned indoor gym. The indoor gym is apparently occupied by the gymnast club and you couldn’t be more disappointed that you didn’t join them instead. 

If anything, however, you’d rather leave this whole thing and focus on your academics. Hobbies shouldn’t be draining you—they should feel like skateboarding on a lilac evening with the wind in your hair.

With a friend you like very, very much.

“Sungchan,” you call quietly. 

“Hm?” 

When he looks up, you can’t hold in the urge to fix the hair out of his eyes. You’ve never been very physically affectionate so it might have come off strange. Sungchan looks at you quietly, stars in his eyes and you clear your throat.

“How long have you been playing soccer? It was before we met, right?”

He hums, eyes traveling up and then back to you when he remembers. “Since I was six. You were there at my first soccer match actually.”

“I was? Oh my god, was it the one you lost horribly and the whole team started crying?”

“Yes. Yes, it was.”

You giggle. “Six year old you would be so in awe now.”

Sungchan beams at that. 

“Who knows?” he smiles, looking into your eyes with firm determination. “Maybe I’ll be the next Son Heungmin.”

“Even I know who that is so… no.”

Sungchan pouts and you make a face in disgust. “Don’t act cute, it gives me hives.”

“Okay, maybe not Son Heungmin. I could definitely be the next Park Jisung—and I don’t mean him.”

Sungchan points to a boy passed out on the benches, his exhaustion typical of any high schooler while another boy sits beside him, fanning him with a bunch of assignment papers. Jisung and Chenle really are more entertaining than any game on this field. 

You turn to look at Sungchan, who’s moving his head around trying to catch their attention. When he finally does, he waves at them and gets big grins in response. He’s not all that bad, you think. In fact, he’s quite possibly the most amiable boy in senior year.

“Just be Jung Sungchan,” you mutter. “Not Son Heungmin or Park Jisung.”

Sungchan turns to you, smiling wide. “Advice taken.”

You scoff. “Whatever.”

Maybe it’s just you but Sungchan has been glancing at your lips very frequently today and mentally thank Chaeryoung for letting you borrow her lip tint. You didn’t know something so subtle could get you this giddy.

“Are you… going to give the CSAT?” You ask, glancing at him nervously. Part of you is sad you only developed your first high school crush in the very last semester. Or if it’s comforting, you could believe you’ve liked him all this time.

“Nah. Sports scholarship,” he says nonchalantly. “I was going to tell you but… I’ve been scouted already.”

You gasp. “That’s… great. Your future’s all settled.”

Sungchan seems to dislike the idea, lips pursing. “I don’t think anything’s settled except for the next step.”

You nod, somewhat understanding. 

“What about you?” He asks. “Any university in mind? SKY? I’ve seen you study extra hours at the library.”

You look away, not feeling ready for the conversation.

“I don’t know,” you say quietly. “I don’t know what I like and what I want. I don’t even like cheer anymore.”

Sungchan gazes at you wordlessly but it’s the most comfortable you’ve felt talking about this.

“Maybe I should quit,” you mumble.

You don’t want to commit to something you no longer have passion for. But then again, you’ve spent so much time on it that it’s hard to leave. 

“You should,” he responds, honest. 

You scoff, shaking yourself from that moment of vulnerability. “But why would I quit something I’m good at?”

“If you don’t like it. If it hurts to leave but isn’t any better when you stay, you should leave.”

You roll your eyes. “You’re quite the philosopher.”

“I’m smart, right?”

You smile. 

“Oy, you two!” Chenle calls, making his way to you two with Jisung trailing behind. “I don’t mean to interrupt your flirting but you got a spare water bottle?”

“Are you two going out now?” Jisung asks as a follow-up, and you feel a hot flush for some reason, unlike the previous times you’ve been asked this question.

“No,” you answer. You don’t mind the idea though now.

“Don’t lie,” Chenle complains. “I saw that picture of Sungchan teaching you how to kick a ball. You? And soccer? Something’s up.”

You throw up your hands in exasperation. “Seriously, who keeps up posting to the school page? And where do they get the time?”

"Two people with this much compatibility will always be a hot topic."

"We're not compatible," you retort quickly.

"Wait," Jisung says. "I know how to resolve this."

You raise an eyebrow.

"How do you have your cereal?" He asks, looking from you to Sungchan.

"Cereal first, obviously," you answer.

Sungchan looks up, finger below his chin as he thinks. "I drink the milk first, then eat the cereal and then breakdance to mix it all together."

You pinch your nose. "I swear I question your sanity all the time."

"Hah! That means you're thinking about me all the time."

You look away, rolling your eyes. He responds with an open-mouthed smile and finger guns.

"See?" Jisung grins. "Compatible."

The gruff voice of Coach Lee startles the four of you and Sungchan leaves with a sigh and a promise of meeting after practice. Jisung leaves with Sungchan and Chenle gives you one last teasing smirk before sitting down and going through the assignment papers he was using as a fan previously. You will never understand his miraculous ways of performing his presidential duties.

You don’t have a good feeling about the next match. The only reason you’re even sticking around anymore—as embarrassing as it—is to spend more time with Sungchan. Being with him puts you at ease, even if the school tries to wrap the two of you in a rope of uneasiness. This is your very last practice, for the next match is the final one of this year and then you’ll be back to spending even longer hours at the library with a stack of textbooks. It’s supposed to be a carefree age. At least, adults say that. Your high school life seems to be riddled with worries, and with that thought, you head into the air conditioned room to take a breather off your anxieties. 

Only one more match, you remind yourself. 

The pre-match buzz is driving you to the edge.

Your form is off, you can feel it already and Coach Kim isn’t as sunshine-as-rainbows as she usually is, courtesy to it being the last match of your life. She’ll never know though, how much you don’t want to do this. 

Sungchan waves at you as he usually does before a match, disappointing a third of his fangirls, but it helps you ease. One last time, (name).

Watching the crowd of people, parents and siblings and friends, all excited and talking makes you take a deep breath. You practiced but it wasn’t good enough. You can never do well at something you don’t like anymore. This time, you feel guilty for committing to things half-heartedly. You want to start that fresh new college chapter already, with all of this behind.

There’s ten minutes left. You go back to the empty hall outside the lockers only to pace. This isn’t helping.

“(name)!”

You turn around abruptly to find Sungchan’s tall figure, and you must be looking miserable because his smile falls.

He doesn’t even ask what’s wrong, only takes careful steps towards you. “Do you need water? Medicine?”

His hands hover over your shoulder but he doesn’t burden you with them. You put your face in your palms and sigh, sinking down to the floor in a crouch.

“I want to quit,” you whisper. Your voice comes off more brittle than you’d like, and you realize that Sungchan hasn’t seen you cry since seventh grade when you failed a math test. You didn’t tell him then but you appreciated him studying extra hours for math just to teach you.

“You don’t have to go out there if you don’t want to,” he says quietly, dropping to the floor beside you. “I’ll stay with you.”

You stare at him dumbfounded. “Don’t be ridiculous! They’ll lose without you—you’re the ace, Sungchan!”

“There will always be an ace,” he retorts. “Maybe Jisung will finally get to shine. Or anyone else. I don’t mind spending an hour with you alone.”

You feel a hot flush spread over your cheeks. Looking away to the side, you mumble an ‘alright’ and only glance from the corner of your eye to see him smiling. Jung Sungchan is the most unreasonable boy you’ve ever met. Perhaps it makes him somewhat loveable too.

“It’s your last match,” you whisper helplessly.

“I’ll join the college soccer club and get to play more matches.”

You sigh, giving in. If he’s so adamant, you think that perhaps there is something in you worth sacrificing his game over. It makes an oddly warm feeling bloom in your chest. Sungchan is so damn convincing with his words. You wonder if it’s really okay.

With shoulders touching, an awkward silence takes over in the next second. You turn to him and open your mouth, watch him do the same and close it at the same time he does.

“You know,” he begins, “I was kind of lying about not worrying because I get the feeling coach will evaporate me tomorrow but—I can handle it. Mostly.”

You stare at him with wide, worried eyes. “You don’t have to do this, Sungchan. I’m the one running away.”

You slouch, pulling your knees closer to your chest and burying your face in them. The urge to scream is boiling within you but you can’t get caught. Not now.

“Sometimes to run is the brave thing,” he responds, insightful. “If you’re not up for it, it’s better to quit early than to regret it in the long run.”

You don’t know if it’s the fact that he just quoted Taylor Swift or spoke like your old school counselor—but you find yourself laughing. He makes sense. Sungchan, in his weird, oddball ways, always makes sense. And in that same way, he feels like home.

“You’re so good to me,” you say, looking up at him and at a proximity you’ve never been before.

It’s his turn to fluster, though he doesn’t do so as visibly as you do. He clears his throat, shifting his eyes around before meeting yours. “I- This is bad timing but… I like you. I really do. Since third grade when you drew that birthday card for me. I have it in my bedside drawer, by the way.”

He looks away and makes a face, probably wondering why he said that out loud.

You press your lips tight to prevent the smile that tugs at them. He looks at you with a wobbly smile, trying his hardest to resume his usual dignity—but he’s just a boy, after all. 

“My type is dumb and pretty, though?” You tease, the smile escaping. “You said it yourself.”

He blinks. “Well, I am pretty but if you want me to be stu—”

You shake your head. “I like you too. You don’t have to act cute.”

He pauses, thinking. “I have never acted cute in my life ever. I was born cu—”

You hold his face between your thumb and forefinger. “You do that again and you die.”

He breaks into a smile. 

“I’ve never met someone quite like you,” you whisper, embarrassed of your own feelings bubbling up from the bottle you had kept them in.

He laughs, open-mouthed and pretty. 

“Actually, hey, I didn’t like you all this time from fifth. I liked you and then I didn’t like you and then I liked you again—”

“Okay, I get it.”

His shoulders relax and he smiles at you. You look up at the clock on the wall by the entrance to the field and bite your lip. You don’t love performing anymore but you know all the girls do, even the stand-bys. Jisung might not have to take over Sungchan’s position but you bet one of those tenth graders would love to take yours, the same way you did back then. They’ve practiced harder than you too and it’s only a matter of deserving.

You take a deep breath and get up, pulling up Sungchan by the hand. He raises an eyebrow, inquisitive eyes scanning over your face and you smile at him, strengthening your resolve. You should have done this way sooner.

-

Sungchan plays. You don’t let him sit it out with you. 

Halfway through, you cheer the hardest you ever have, plastic decorative gemstones stuck by your eyes borrowed from the other girls cheering. It’s much more fun, you think. You’ve never experienced soccer like this. You’d love to sit at stadiums and join in victory chants. There’s enough weight off your chest to yell your lungs out.

Sungchan scores a goal almost immediately after and sends a thumbs up over to you. You laugh. This is the best break you’ve ever taken from cheerleading. 

“Ooh, is this perhaps the (name) effect?” Chenle’s voice rings through the speakers and you feel yourself shrink slightly under the eyes. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see your homeroom teacher signal very angrily to the commentator box. You shake yourself off it. So what if everyone’s looking?

Sungchan places his hands on his hips, chest heaving and sends another signal to you before beelining for a straight goal. You whoop and the girl with a notebook beside you is visibly annoyed at this point but you don’t care. 

Without doubt, your school wins and you watch as Sungchan runs to his team, a big smile on his face. The second he’s done getting pet by the team, however, he rushes to the bleachers, skipping over the steps to you, panting when he stops. The risk he took was definitely not calculated. He holds up one finger while he heaves.

“My cheering worked best this time, it seems,” you say to him, laughing.

His face is flushed from the exertion but he laughs heartily. “You could be yelling profanity at me and it’d still encourage me.”

You shake your head at the cheesy line. He takes a step forward, well inside your space but you don’t mind. He leans in.

“Everyone is looking at us,” he says under his breath. “Is that a good or a bad thing?”

You look behind him to find the whole team, along with your girls sharing furtive glances and giggling at the sight of the two of you. A few of the junior girls slap each other’s arms, bouncing on the balls of their feet in excitement. You’re not a celebrity. But everyone wants to cheer things on once in a while, don’t they?

“Good,” you answer, before pulling him by the shirt into a chaste kiss. When you pull apart, Sungchan’s face is so struck with awe that you want to look away but instead you bite back an obvious smile. It’s about damn time, someone from the soccer team yells.

“Woah. I think I scored a goal either way,” he says, an offbeat smile on his face.

“Oh come on, we didn’t even get to chant ‘Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!’ yet—oh shit, the mic’s on.”

Chenle is definitely getting an earful from your teacher after this. The two of you wave at him at the box and end up laughing at him trying to hide behind the desk. 

As expected, the whole crowd surrounds the two of you in less than a minute’s worth of time, with several congratulations and “good score” offered to the two of you. The boys mess up Sungchan’s hair while the girls compliment you on how cute a couple you are. There’s also the question of when you started dating that pauses the buzz and makes everyone look to the two of you for an answer. Sungchan turns to you and you turn to him, and there’s no way you’ll tell half the school that your confession came in a private hallway outside the field—teenage imaginations run wild. 

Instead, you slip your hand into Sungchan’s and run down the bleachers and towards the exit, laughter spilling from your lips. There’s only one place you can think of going to spend a cool blue late afternoon with.

“Skate plaza?” He asks.

“Skate plaza,” you answer.

[boldlyvoid]

36 Questions to Fall in Love

Summary: When Derek bets Spencer that he cant make someone fall in love with him in a week, he doesn’t expect Spencer to marry the girl the next day

warnings: strangers to lovers, blind dates, betting, talks of: drug use, drug addiction, abusive marriages, rape, sexual assault, abuse, attempted murder, mass shootings, parental death, love confessions, elopements, opposite of slow burn

word count: 8K

A/N: this is based on a request I received a while back about this article

Derek was a betting man, to say the least. He knew Spencer was from Vegas, he also knew Emily couldn’t say no to a challenge and that Rossi had enough money to burn. Betting at work was the best way to have fun when he worked there, and now he can’t stop.

“I’m not saying con a woman into loving you, I’m saying let us find a girl and let’s see if she can fall in love with you, take a week off from work and just spend time wooing her, and in a week, me or Emily will hit on her, if she turns us down for you, then you’ve won.”

Derek explained it like it was simple, and yet the mere thought of being set up with someone was horrifyingly nerve-wracking. But he got Spencer to agree… unbeknown to him that he had another bet going on the side.

You see earlier that day he was invited to Penelope’s apartment, her younger sister was moving in for a little while and they needed a big strong man to help move the boxes. And like Penelope, Y/N was really chatty and overly friendly really fast. It was like he’s always known Y/N Garcia.

She explained to Derek how hard it was in California to find good men who want someone to love them, she’s tired of guys thinking she comes on too fast, she wants someone who wants to settle and have kids and be a dad. Not a Vain narcissist who only cares about what the city can offer him.

“The last guy I went on a date with literally ran when I mentioned I read a New York Times article about 36 questions to make you fall in love… I just want a person to love? Is that really so hard?”

A lightbulb goes off in Derek’s mind, and Penelope almost reads it.

“Spencer.” They both reply with the same cheeky grin.

“I bet you, you could be as insane as you say you are and he’d still be in love with you by the end of the week.” Derek teases, and the way she smiles shows just how interested she is.

—

Woo her.

The words have rattled around in his brain every second of every moment since Derek said he found a girl for him.

She was free on Saturday, all Spencer had to do was tell Derek where she should meet him and all Penelope had to do was not mention to Spencer that she had a sister, it was up to Y/N when Spencer learned that fact.

She’s already there at the restaurant when he arrives, he’s not sure what he was expecting when Derek said he found the perfect girl but it wasn’t this. He was thinking it was going to be a joke, that either no one would show or Derek was hooking him up with some hot blonde who was way out of his league.

She was beautiful in a nice dress, her makeup was stunning and she looked so content sitting there, waiting for him. Starring her ice water with a straw, she wasn’t paying any attention to the room, she barely knew he was there.

“Hi?” He said softly, not wanting to startle her.

“Hi,” she beamed up at him, that same unsure look on her face. Neither of them was expecting anything from the other, but they were pleasantly surprised.

“Spencer Reid,” he says, actually extending a hand to shake her’s because it’s the chivalrous thing to do.

She reaches out her hand, watching him take it and kiss her knuckle softly, she’s so surprised. “Oh, um, Y/N Garcia,” she whispers the name and his eyes go wide.

“Garcia?” He panics a little, sitting down in the booth and facing her as her face drops at his reaction.

“Did he not tell you I’m Penelope’s sister? I knew Derek was up to something,” she looked like it was all too good to be true, upset almost.

“He didn’t, he probably wanted you to tell me, I mean this all so we can get to know each other,” Spencer shrugs it off, interested in seeing why Derek picked her of all people.

“I guess,” she smiled again, “so what do you do?”

“I work with Penelope, I specialize more in psycho-linguistics and geographical profiling.”

She nods in approval, “I’m a high school English teacher.”

Spencer laughs lightly, “what’s that like?”

“Interesting to say the least, especially in California. Every kid there wants to be on TikTok, no one cares about reading any of the books I ask them too,” she just shakes her head. “I’m worried about the next generation.”

“Me too, it’s almost alarming how many kids are unsubs,” he agrees. She’s so easy to talk to, he’s suddenly not nervous anymore and the waiter is coming to take their order.

He never even opened the menu, “what looks good?” He asks Y/N, nervous and she can tell.

“I think I’m going to have the lobster, let’s go all out?” She shrugged again, both of them feeling more adventurous than normal.

“I’ll have that as well,” Spencer smiled, keeping eye contact with only her as she handed the menus back to him.

They ordered sides and appetizers, stuffed mushrooms and fresh bread, it was amazing. They traded small facts about each other, Spencer noticed a lot of Penelope’s quirks in her, she was very friendly and kind and funny. She loved to tease him and make him laugh, his stomach hurt by the time their lobsters came out.

“I’ve never done this before,” she admits, putting on her bib and holding the claw cracker in one hand.

“Neither have I, but I think it’s fairly simple you just need to apply the correct amount of pressure,” he demonstrates by picking up the crustacean and cracking it at its weakest point before twisting it open.

He’s surprised he did it, so is she as she copies is movements and struggles a bit. “You got it, come on,” he encourages her as she squeezed so hard her hands shake but the shell does eventually crack.

She smiles like she just won the science fair, overly proud as they stare at each other. Enamoured already by just how cute the other was.

“So, what do you do for fun outside being a fed?” She teases between bites.

“I like to spend my time finding new things, I tend to go to the same spots often but I’m always looking for new places. I like the theatre, the old cemetery is nice, I’m excited for the new phantasmagoria to open this fall,” he explains all his interests as he cracks away at his dinner. “I just like to try and appreciate what’s out there, after everything I see.”

“That’s really nice, I’ve always wanted to go to a phantasmagoria actually, science magic is the best kind of magic,” she says it like it’s nothing, almost embarrassed by the interest.

“Me too, I love magic,” Spencer lights up, “I can actually do some magic, hold on.”

He digs his NA chip out of his pocket, showing it to her quickly before making it disappear and reappear behind her ear and she was so smitten, “how the heck?” She asked as she reached for her own ear, shocked at the fact he could do it.

“Do you always keep a coin on you for that?”

He thinks about it for a second, not knowing if he should tell her or not. “No, I keep this on me for support.”

He places it on the table, she picks it up instead and inspects it carefully, “2 years is a really long time, I’m really proud of you.”

He feels like he falls in love with her in that moment, she places the chip back in his hand and smiles, “it’s not easy to admit nor recover from, it’s something you should be really proud of Spencer.”

“Thank you,” he blushes, “um, is there anything else you want to know about me?”

She bites the inside of her lip as she thinks, “actually I was reading an article the other day that said there are a list of personal questions you can ask someone and by the end of all of them you should be in love with the person.”

He thought it was a good opportunity to take a sip of water, upon hearing the word love he realizes it was a mistake. He chokes lightly, coughing as he puts the glass back down and apologizes.

“Love?” He repeats the word.

“I’m going to be real honest here Spencer, I don’t date to get my heartbroken, I date to find my life partner so if you’re not interested in marriage or kids one day tell me now,” she’s very stern about it and he can tell she’s gotten her hopes up and heart broken before.

“I want that too, I just didn’t expect you to be so upfront about it,” he’s honest, because clearly that’s what she wants from him. “What was on the question list?”

“Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?” She asks, remembering the questions easily.

“Wow,” he takes a moment to think about it, “alive or dead?”

“Sure, why not,” she shrugs.

“Probably biological Eve,” he comes to the decision rather quickly. “I’ve always been fascinated with the fact all humans can be traced back to one single women. I’m sure she was amazing, it must have been so interesting being the first women on earth.”

“That is the coolest answer anyone has ever given me,” she smiles, “I think I’d be boring and have dinner with Julia Roberts.”

“She’s a very talented actress,” he smiles, recognizing the name from Penelope’s movie nights. “Um, I have an eidetic memory, do you have the list I can just read it once and then we can spit it back and forth easily.”

She looks at him with wide eyes and a growing smile, “yeah hold on.” She takes out her cellphone and pulls up the article before handing it to him.

He reads it quickly and then hands it right back, she was amazed, surely it was a joke? “Would I like to be famous?” He repeats the next question to himself.

“No,” he’s very certain. “I’ve had some encounters with psychopaths who think they are my biggest fans, perfect match or my only rival, and it’s not fun. I’m sure being adored is lovely, but I don’t like the attention if it’s not from a good place.”

“So you want praise but you don’t want a stalker?” She dumbs it down slightly with a smile, “I definitely don’t want to be famous because I don’t like other peoples opinions about me.”

“That’s incredibly fair.”

“Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say?” She asks the next one.

“If it’s for work or my mother, yes,” he answers it completely honestly. “I prefer not to make phone calls, so when I have to make them I typically spend the day before panicking.”

She smiles, “well, if you ever need someone to call tech support and pretend to be you, I am really good on the phone.”

“Like Penelope?”

She nods, “we spent a lot of time talking on the phone when she moved to Virginia for your team.”

“That must have been really hard, I’m surprised she hasn’t mentioned you yet?”

“I’m not really her sister,” she smiles, “I wish I was. I met her during a really abusive relationship and I didn’t feel close to my parents anymore, so my old name didn’t feel right either. Penelope and her brothers were the closest thing I had to family, so I took their name after my divorce.”

“That’s beautiful,” his smile is so soft, she wonders if he feels the same about Penelope.

“What do you consider a perfect day?” She moves on before she can pry into his personal life further, just to pry into his personal life further— in another direction.

“Nobody dies.”

“Even the bad guys?” She squints as she asks it, wondering if that was an appropriate topic for the first date.

“I’m not a fan of the prison system, and I’m really not a very big fan of suicide by cop, let alone lethal injection,” he explained. “Just because you’re a murderer or a psychopath doesn’t mean you have to die too, there is rehabilitation and a way to keep them sane and alive while keeping people safe. I just hate when people die.”

“Me too,” her smile is sad, “my perfect day would be having my parents back, I’d like to show them my degree and go out for ice cream and give them another hug.”

“We should have our perfect days back to back,” his voice is low, he was nervous to say it. “Cause then once you bring them back, I stop people from dying and they can stay forever.”

He sees her heartbreak as the tears well in her eyes, “that would be nice.”

“Um,” he clears his throat and then takes a sip of water. “When was the last time you sang to yourself, or someone else?”

“I was singing in the car on the way here,” she smiles with a sniffle, “I sing a lot actually. I’m always humming or tapping as well, if my mind is wandering then it has to make some kind of noise.”

“What is your favourite thing to hum?” He can’t stop himself from asking it, “I personally do the muppets, duh duh nanana, manamanah.”

She laughs again, and a tear slips out as her eyes close. She hurries to wipe it away, “I often find myself doing the teletubbies song, you know; ‘Tinky-Winky, Dipsy,’” she sings the words before humming the tune to match.

“That’s a good one too,” Spencer is really enthusiastic suddenly, the way he would be with Penelope. He was really comfortable. “If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?”

“Mind, because that’s how you keep a good body. If I can keep the strength and willpower to get up in the mornings and go to work and remember why I love being alive, I’ll be young forever,” she answers like it’s rehearsed.

“I was going to say I’d want my mind too, but the way you said it is a lot more elegant,” he teases. “My mom has Alzheimer's, you were honest about wanting kids and you should know that's genetic. I can also pass on schizophrenia and any other mental illness, like depression, bipolar disorder and most definitely anxiety—

“Spencer,” she reaches across the table for his hand, “breathe, that’s not scary to me. My grandma had it too, I’m not optimal gene-wise either.”

He takes a deep breath, “Sorry.”

“It makes you real to react like that, I don’t mind seeing that side of you. Fake strong men and men who compensate are the worst, in my opinion.”

“Mine too,” he agrees. “I am an anxious worrier, I barely sleep, I’m terrified of the dark, I have PTSD nightmares about my short stay in prison, and I cry a lot when I’m alone.”

“It was a mistake clearly? The prison stay, that is.”

“Yeah,” he nods, moving to the next question. “Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?”

She laughs through her nose at the switch topic change, “well until I was 19 I thought my husband was going to kill me, then I thought maybe it would be myself, now I’m content dying in my sleep when I'm old.”

“It is ever-changing,” he agrees. “I have died before.”

“What did it feel like?”

She doesn’t ask how, she knows he was sober, she knows he’s been to prison, she knows he’s an agent. It wasn’t a surprise. Penelope even almost died once before, it was an unfortunate part of the job.

“Warm.”

“Like soothing warm, like drinking a hot chocolate, or that uncomfortable warm like being in a hot car?”

“Like a hug.”

Her lips purse, she hums a bit. “Yeah, my answer stays the same.”

“Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.”

“You like to learn,” she smiles again. “You enjoy the mysteries and the horribleness of the world because it keeps you grounded. You love your mom.”

“We love Penelope, our hearts have similar scars, life has been mean to us for no reason,” he adds 3 more for good measure.

“What are you grateful for in life?” She asks the next question.

“I’ve never said this before,” he prefaces, “but found family. If it wasn’t for my team, no matter who was coming and going over the years, anyone who has had my back. Anyone who loves me in any capacity. That’s what I’m grateful for.”

“We’re not even through the first set of questions and I can see why everyone loves you,” she admits. Moving far too fast, doing exactly what Derek wanted from her.

To scare him and see if he still stays.

“Can I tell you a secret?” Spencer stops the questions, “I can’t continue if I can’t tell you this.”

“Yeah, what’s wrong?”

“Derek and Emily bet me $20 that I couldn’t get someone to fall in love with me, he wanted to set this up and then hit on you in a week and see if you picked me over him, and it feels like a really shitty thing to do to you. It’s making me feel like you’re an object more than a person and I feel really bad about it.”

She just laughs and he has no idea why. “He bet me that I could be as insane as I am with most of my dates and you’d still want to stay with me after a week.”

“You’re not mad?” He worries, by passing her words and the implications of it all.

“No, did you truly mean how you feel?”

“Yes…”

“Then I accept your apology, you’re really kind Spencer. I believe you when you speak, I trust you,” she explains her reasoning and he settles once more. “You’re the most real man I’ve ever met, I think.”

“Thank you,” he smiles again, reaching out for her hand once more, “do you want to finish these questions?”

“Not really,” she smirks, “I think they were wrong about all 35 of them making you fall in love with someone.”

“How so?”

“It only took me 9.”

It’s so absurd they start to laugh, making eye contact, they feel delirious. His hand in hers, she squeezes it lightly and he never wants to let it go.

“Do you want to get out of here?”

“Sure, did you drive?” She asks.

“No, I walked over.”

She gets up from the table and takes his hand once more, “well, are we going to mine or yours?”

“Are you living with Penelope?”

“Yours it is then,” she teases, bumping his shoulder. This was going to be fun.

Spencer pays for their meal and meets her out front, he gets in her passenger seat and gives her the directions. “Do you want to finish the questions on the drive?” He asks.

“Hmm, well, 11 is a long one, if you want to start telling me your life story in graphic detail? Or we can jump to 12 and you can tell me what super ability you’d like to wake up with?”

“Have you ever watched star trek?”

She’s not expecting that, it makes her take a double-take, she laughs lightly, “Yeah, why?”

“Deanna Troi can sense peoples emotions, I think that would really help with my job,” he explains it easily. “And in times like this.”

“I can just tell you,” she offers, pulling into his apartment complex, she can tell why he walked.

“You don’t have to yet, let it simmer,” he smiles softly, he’s not ready for her to make a decision like loving him when she really doesn’t know everything yet. “Come inside?”

She nods, getting out and taking his hand again for the walk inside. His house is green, and it makes sense. There are door wooden bookshelves and the distant smell of old books and spilled coffee, it’s dusty and old and very Spencer.

“Can I tell you some of my story?” She asks as she kicks her shoes off.

“Absolutely,” he follows her lead, “do you want anything, wine, water?”

“Wine would be nice,” she smiles, following him to the kitchen, “you know my favourite place to talk to someone is in the kitchen.”

“Why?”

“It's the heart of the house,” she smiles slightly, “that's what my mom used to say. This is where all the love happens.”

He loves her and he knows it already, she makes him happy and calm and if she’s in the heart of his house she might as well know all of his own heart.

“I was born in Vegas,” Spencer admits, pushing his life story past his lips before she can stop him or else he wouldn’t.

“My mom was a professor, my dad is an attorney, I have always been really smart and not so athletic, I enjoy chess and reading and I had big thick glasses as a child. My mom participated in a murder and my dad covered it up and that ruined their marriage but they blamed it on her schizophrenia when he left. And then I was left to raise her when she was supposed to be raising me. I cared for her until I turned 13, I left her during the weeks and my aunt would make sure she was okay and I would travel back and forth from CalTech and Vegas on the weekends.”

She can see the exhaustion on his face at just remembering it.

“I got my licence at 16, and then I took her car and it was easier. When I was 18 I put her in a sanatarium and sold her house and took a road trip with my friend to Virginia to go to the academy. He didn’t like it after a week and asked me to go with him to New Orleans and I didn’t— I met my mentor and joined the BAU instead. I was kidnapped and drugged by a man with DID… I died and then his personality switched and Tobias brought me back. I had an addiction to Dilaudid for a few months after, then I got sober after visiting Ethan in New Orleans.”

“Was he good to you?”

“Wonderful,” he smiles, “he was my shoulder to cry on for a long time and I didn’t realize how much I needed him in my recovery until we got a case and I had a reason to see him. I missed a plane and ignored my friends to just be with him. He’s the reason I got clean, not anything else… he told me that I was too special to hate myself, and he was right.”

“He was,” she smiles. “He sounds lovely.”

“And then, the first time I saw my mom after putting her in the sanatarium was because she told parts of our case to a man who lost his daughter, and he did a lot of messed up stuff… like he shot my co-worker. She was another special person to me—“

“I’m so sorry.”

He smiles, “she lived, don’t worry. I loved Elle, she was amazing but the bureau didn’t see that. She was a broken toy to them, we all become one eventually. I miss her a lot.”

She walks into his space and wraps her arms around him, giving him a hug as he rests against the counter, she makes no attempt to move back. Holding him in the heart of the house, close to her own. He holds her back just as tight.

“Maeve, she was another person I loved who got shot, she died. I see her sometimes when I sleep, she visits me when I’m in the most need. I’ll always love her, but she’s gone. The only other woman who claims to have loved me was a psychopath who is dead now too, she framed me for murder, had me drugged, kidnapped my mother and the list goes on and it’s not pretty. In prison she had a lot of bad things happen to me, I have scars that will never heal and a part of me was lost but I’m okay now.”

They have a moment of silence in the middle of their stories, she absorbs it while preparing her own, rubbing his back as her cheek stays pressed to his chest.

“I was born in California, my parents were high school sweethearts, they made me at prom. Learned that from the scrapbooks,” she laughs against his chest, “they were great and then they died when I was 14, it was a mass shooting at a mall, and I went to a foster home. I married the oldest son in the home after he groomed me for a few years… I met Penelope when I was 20 and she helped me get divorced and back on my feet and her brothers protected me.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry you relate to loss.”

“It's the one thing that unites us all, really,” Spencer’s voice is barely a whisper. “When you think about it, we’re all born and we all die, the only difference is how we fill the middle.”

They never get to that bottle of wine he mentioned, she pulls back and asks the next question as she drags him to his bedroom. “If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?”

“If I get to have kids.”

She drags him into the room and closes the door, “that was going to be my answer.”

“Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?” He asks as she starts to take her clothes off.

“Sleep beside the love of my life.”

“I’ve never woken up beside the love of my life,” he replies with a soft smile and follows suit, getting undressed down to their underwear before climbing in bed.

“Greatest accomplishment?” She asks as they settle in, laying her cheek on his chest once more.

He takes a moment to think of everything he’s done that has been good, and one really stands out. “there was a case a few years back, we found a bunch of kids who went missing and returned them to their families and gave answers to the families of children who didn’t make it. Days like that feel like a reward.”

“Getting divorced,” she pushes the words out quickly.

“Most valued friendship?” He asks, knowing she doesn’t need to explain herself.

“Penelope.”

“Derek.”

“Most treasured memory?”

“When JJ placed her son in my arms and told me I was his godfather,” his voice is hushed and she knows it’s because he doesn’t want to cry. “It's the closest I’ve gotten to being a father so far.”

“I got an end of the year present when I was first starting out, this girl told me that I was the reason she enjoyed reading again and it was the reason I started teaching, I’ll never forget her. Tammy Brownlee, she graduated in 2009 and we’ve been Facebook friends ever since.”

“Most terrible memory?”

“My parents dying.”

“You’d think mine would be dying right?” He asked, she nodded against his chest, “it was actually being held down by 3 men, getting a sock shoved in my mouth while they beat me.”

She kissed his chest softly, “I’m sorry, I know that feeling. Mind you, he was only 1 man, it’s not a good feeling.”

“If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?”

“If it’s definite; not like a chance or a cancer statistic, if it’s like this is the day you die no ifs and's or butts, then I’d just continue as normal and have 1 really awesome day right before,” she smiles against him. “Make the most of it all.”

“If I was dying a year today, I’d ask you to marry me.”

“Already?” She laughs, thinking he’s kidding.

“You want a nice husband and a kid? I will be good for you as long as I know you, and I’ll have as many kids as you want me to help you make.”

She’s silent as she thinks about it. “What does friendship mean to you?”

“Someone who is there for you even when they don’t want to be, even when it’s hard,” Spencer whispers, thinking about his friends.

“It means hacking the government and voiding a marriage and changing someone's name so they can escape,” Y/N whispers. “don’t tell the feds she did that too.”

“What roles do love and affection play in your life?”

“I crave it and hardly receive it, but I give it out like it’s a sample at costco,” she snickers at the example she gave. “It’s something that people have always admired about me and yet it’s also the thing that scares people away. When I love, I love hard and it’s full and annoying and you will feel suffocated sometimes, but just tell me when and I’ll back off.”

“I don’t know how to ask for what I need,” Spencer whispers. “But I need someone to love me like that.”

“The next one is to alternate 5 good things about each other,” she rests her chin on her hand as she looks up at his face in the darkness, “soft.”

He pauses for a moment, bypassing the easiest one and saying pretty, instead, he says; “you’re honest.”

“You’re very caring,” she replies.

“You see beauty in the world still.”

She smiles at that one, “you make the world beautiful.”

“You are beautiful.”

“And you’re handsome, that’s my 4th,” she keeps track in her head.

“You’re true, to your heart, your promises, everything.”

“And you’re real, you see the world for what it is and you don’t try to change it for the better. You want to make it manageable,” her explanation is the longest one yet. “Was your childhood happy, and do you feel close with your family still?”

“I write to my mom every single day and I drop the notes off weekly, and no,” he doesn’t want to cry, but he feels like he might again. “It was liveable, I made it.”

“Mine was happy until I was 14, then I was alone, I have 1 living aunt and she is strange but I get a card from her every Christmas,” Y/N adds. “I’d like to think your lack of love and my need to fill the world with what I miss from my parents will make a really good family dynamic.”

“Me too.”

“How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?” She asks, “I think I know already, but it’s the next one.”

“She hit me a few years ago because I made her take some medicine, she hit me once when I was a kid too…” he whispers them so that they stay a secret, if they can’t be heard else where then they don’t exist in his mind. “She was a wonderful mother but the worst memories stick out the most now. She’s forgetting everything and all I can remember is how hard it’s been on me, like a bad son.”

“My mom was my best friend, and I still talk to her every day, I bring her and my dad around with me in my necklace,” she pulls the chain on her neck and shows him the little jar. “Mom, Dad, this is Spencer. Spencer, this is my mom and dad.”

He holds it in his hand and tips it gently, “nice to meet you.”

“The next one is weird,” she changed the topic again.

“Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling…" Spencer says it verbatim. “We are both feeling understood.”

“We are both hopeful.”

“We are both falling in love,” Spencer ends the feelings with the most prominent one.

“We are,” she agrees with another smile.

“Finish this,” he insists on moving forward, “I wish I had someone I could share…”

“The rest of my life with,” she whispers this time. “If we become besties, what’s something I should know?”

“I think I’ve told you all the important stuff so far,” Spencer thinks hard, pausing for a moment. “My butt is ticklish?”

It makes her giggle, “that is a good one. My sides and the bottom of my feet are ticklish too.”

“Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met,” Spencer reads the question back from memory, “don’t be afraid to be too honest.”

“I like that you know how I feel but I hate that you’ve been hurt. I like how you listen to me, and I really like how comfortable you make me feel. I’m almost naked in your bed right now and I know you’d never, ever hurt me, and I haven’t felt that in a really long time.”

“I like that you are indulging me in the dream of becoming a husband and a dad one day… most people say it’ll happen but they never picture it. No one has ever said yeah id have your kids. I like that you know what you want and you’re actively looking for it.”

She moves up so she can hold his face in her hands, “only 7 more. Is it working?”

He nods, “my most embarrassing moment is the time I had a wet dream on the work jet.”

She laughs and then covers her mouth in panic, “I’m sorry that’s not funny.”

“It is, it’s fine,” he smiles. “I was dreaming about kissing this actress we helped, she actually did kiss me in the pool, so I guess it was bound to happen.”

She leans in and presses her lips against his, holding his cheeks in her hands his wrap around her waist as he holds her there. She peppers smaller kisses to his lips before pulling back, “we both cried in front of each other already today, so next question.”

“Tell me what you like about me already?”

Her hands trail his chest and down towards his boxers, he’s hard again from just kissing and she smirks, “this is promising.”

His hand on her back unclips her bra, “I love boobs, not even going to lie. They are my weakness.”

She pushes the straps down and tosses her bra aside, pressing her naked chest against his, she moves on. “What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?”

“Being called insane, saying I'm seeing things, or acting crazy, those are things I don’t like to be told because they make my anxiety worse.”

“Noted,” she smiles. “I talk to myself a lot so get ready for that.”

“Okay,” he smiles, she’s way too easy to be real.

“I don’t want to mention my last husband from here on out, I think if I get married again I will never tell anyone I have a first husband,” she’s firm in her words.

“Technically, Y/N Garcia has never had a husband,” he reminds her.

Her face lights up at the realization, “you’re right.”

“If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?” Spencer asks.

“I regret not screaming at my ex before I disappeared but I wanted to live.”

He hums, understanding how it feels. “There isn’t anyone in specific I’ve wanted to tell this to, but I wanted to kill people when I was in prison. It made me really angry being in there and I let myself dream about killing people who hurt me and then I almost did kill someone.”

“Remember what you said about bad guys?” She whispers a helpful tip, “even the worst people deserve to have a chance at life. And you’re not hardly as bad as the worst people you’ve met.”

“You’re right,” he agrees. “Thank you.”

“This place burns down, what’s one thing you’d run back inside for? Outside of people and animals…” she asks the 3rd last question.

“The book Maeve gave me.”

“The girlfriend who died?” She confirms, and he nods. “If my place with Penelope burned down, I just want my necklace and I don’t take it off that often.”

“The next question is interesting,” Spencer thinks about it, “Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing, and why?”

“I’m glad I wasn’t at the mall with my parents, if I saw them get shot it would hurt more,” she whispers. “I’m sorry you had to see Maeve die like that.”

“In a way, I’m glad I saw Maeve get shot, otherwise I wouldn’t have believed it. She never felt real to me and then she was dead…”

She just hums, “Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it,” she whispers the last question.

“Also, ask your partner to reflect to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen,” Spencer adds in the second half.

“I need to find a place to stay now that I’m here, I don’t want to keep living with Penelope. As much as I love her, I want my own place,” Y/N admits.

“I think I’m in love with this girl that I just met and I don’t know if it’s too soon to ask her to look for a house with me?” Spencer pretends to sigh, “she’s super cool and I think we’d make some nice kids. I would love some advice.”

“Has she told you she loves you yet?” She teases.

Spencer shakes his head. “I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you, too, Spencer,” she replies, leaning in one more time to kiss him.

It’s deeper this time, she breathes him in and rests her forehead against his as she breathes between them.

“How did that work?” She whispers, truly amazed at how easy it was.

He shrugs, “it’s a good questionnaire.”

“You were really honest, your heart is really pure and I would like to get to know you more, but I feel like I know everything?” She shakes her head while she talks, overthinking all the things she has learned, “I don’t even know what could be left?”

“My birthday is October 28th?” He whispers, “we have a lot to discover yet.”

—

When she doesn’t come home in the morning, Penelope knows she’s at Reid’s house. She just doesn’t expect to walk in and find them naked in Reid’s bed, out cold and cuddled together with their clothes all over the room.

It looks like something happened. If only she knew the truth.

“Oh my god?” Penelope’s voice wakes them up and Spencer scrambles to make sure they are covered by his blankets.

“What are you doing here?” Y/N shouts as she wakes up.

“I came to see if you were okay. I expected one of you to be on the couch, I didn’t think it went this good?”

“We just slept in the same bed, I promise,” Spencer turned bright red as he panicked, “we just got to know each other and talked all night, in what we normally sleep in.”

“Uh-huh,” Penelope smirks, “so I take it the 36 questions worked?”

“Perhaps,” Y/N smirks back at her sister.

“Do you use it on many people?”

“No one has made it past the first question,” she smiles at him instead, kissing his cheek as Penelope watches.

“That’s my queue to go, um… yeah, wow, I didn’t see this happening so fast,” Penelope is shocked but in the best way.

She leaves just as fast as she arrived and Y/N settles back into Spencer the second she closes the bedroom door. “You know, if she’s not going to believe us we might as well do it? If you accidentally get me pregnant then we can move fast and no one will question it.”

He laughs, “accidentally, is the key word there.”

“My parents made me at prom after crushing on each other for 2 years… I think knowing each other for 2 days isn’t the weirdest way to start a family?”

“Honestly,” Spencer lets out a sigh and her happy mood drops to a more serious one. “I was a little worried that we’d wake up this morning and you’d change your mind.”

“Why?”

“In the heat of the moment, learning everything about each other and saying I love you was really exhilarating, but I have a hard time believing it,” he admits, “not many people mean it, or stay around after they tell me they love me.”

She cuddles back into the crook of his neck and holds him as tightly as possible, wrapping a leg around him for optimal coverage, “I am staying right here, because I love you, Spencer.”

“Okay,” he whispers. Sounding like he still doesn’t believe it.

“I love you because you’re honest, you want what I want and you’re truly kind. You’re friends with my sister, you’re smart, you would make a great dad, you won't hurt me, you are really nice to cuddle with, and I know you mean it when you say you love me because it’s not a word you use lightly.”

“Are you my girlfriend now?” He wonders aloud, “cause if you really want to have a kid, I have my mom's old wedding ring in my closet, and I would rather be married to you before we do that?”

“Okay,” she whispers, tears welling in her eyes as she hides her face in his neck, “the courthouse is literally just down the road?”

“We can get breakfast together after?” Spencer adds, rubbing her back as they plan, he wasn’t scared anymore.

“Penelope will kill me if she’s not there, can we have her as our witness?” Y/N finally sits up to look at him, pulling away to sit on the bed, still shirtless.

His smile while he tries to keep eye contact with her is so funny, she giggles a little as she hides her nipples behind her palms and cups her boobs.

“I’m pretty sure she’s still in my living room,” Spencer giggles, “Penelope!?”

She comes back in then, “yes?”

“We’re going to the courthouse to get married, wanna come?” Y/N asks with an embarrassed smile.

“Yes!” She cheers, “I’ll go get you a dress!”

And then she’s off again, this time actually leaving Spencer’s apartment. “What if we don’t tell Derek, and let him hit on me next week anyway?

“Then you can say ‘sorry I have a husband,’ and he’ll body slam me to the floor,” Spencer laughs nervously, “the whole team is going to be so pissed they missed my wedding…”

She frowns, “send out a mass text, tell them to meet us at the court house, it’s their day off right?”

“You’re right,” he smiles.

This was going to be interesting.

—

Walking out of the courthouse, hand in hand, she’s in a white dress, he’s in a suit he’d probably wear to work, Penelope is crying and the whole team is waiting outside for them.

At the bottom of the courthouse steps, they all clap and cheer, throwing rice at them like an old movie, Spencer’s smiling so hard his cheeks are burning. Y/N introduces herself to everyone, hugged over and over by everyone she should have met 15 years ago.

Derek is tapping his foot, waiting for Spencer to come and hug him, “what the fuck?” He asks as Spencer steps into his space, wrapping his arms around him and shaking his back and forth.

“Nice try, I’ll give you $20 as a thank you,” Spencer teases as he pulls away. “She is perfect.”

JJ and Will are busy talking to Y/N when he turns around, Mike and Henry not far behind them. Spencer walks over and wraps Henry up in his arms, the kid was growing way too fast, Spencer loved him so much it hurt sometimes.

“Y/N, this is my godson,” Spencer introduces them, “Henry, this is Y/N.”

She gives him a big hug too, “do you have any cousins, Henry?”

“No, but I was 8 when Michael was born,” he smiles, “and I’m getting old enough to be a good babysitter?”

Spencer laughed, messing up Henry’s hair quickly with a smile, “I’m sure by the time you’re a cousin you’ll be great.”

They take a group photo outside, Spencer and Y/N in the middle, everyone was smiling. It was the first time all of them had been in a photo together, the entirety of Spencer’s found family. Now they were Y/N’s too.

She hyphenated her last name, Y/N Garcia-Reid, and their kids would share the same one. He was not only about became a father thanks to Y/N, but Penelope would also become an Aunt once more. It was like a gift that kept on giving, seeing Spencer and Y/N create a little family of their own.

—

She cried her eyes out when she met Diana. She wasn’t expecting to be so emotional, but then Diana was lucid and very welcoming and sweet.

“It’s going to be a pleasure having you as my daughter,” Diana smiles, thinking it was just a nice thing to say.

Y/N cries and holds her so tight Diana almost can’t breathe but she lets her hold her as long as she needs to, “thank you.”

“You’re welcome?”

“I haven’t had someone to call mom since I was 14,” Y/N whispers, “if that’s okay?”

Diana hugs her just a little too tight in response, “you can call me mom whenever you want.”

“Just until you become a grandma,” she whispers again as she pulls back and Diana’s attention snaps to Spencer.

“Are you trying?”

He nods, “we want kids, we’re not getting any younger.”

Diana wraps him up in a hug and he almost falls off his chair at the sheer force of it, she was so happy for him. She knew this was all he’s ever wanted; because he would be good at it, he had all this love in his heart, and he wanted to show his father how easy it is to stay.

“You’re going to be a great dad, Spencer,” she holds his cheeks as she pulls away, “I’m proud of you.”

He cried. It’s all he’s wanted from her, and now he has everything right here in this room.

—

When they find out they’re pregnant after the first try, it’s really funny to them. It was all working so well, it was a little too much for them at first. They were looking for a house, she was looking for a permanent teaching job but Spencer convinced her to wait until after the baby is born to go back.

They name her Morgan Garcia-Reid as a thank you for Derek’s little bet, and before she’s even 6 months old they’re pregnant again. By the time they have 4 kids under 5 they take a break and just enjoy their little family.

To think Derek gave them 7 days to fall in love… and then they lived happily ever after.

taglist: @g0lden-cth @doctorspenceryeet @samuel-de-champagne-problems @reiding-recs @ssavanessa22 @spookyspence @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria@reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @calm-and-doctor @blanchardsbk

[widow-maximov]

You just need to feel it

Pairing: Natasha x Fem Reader

Warning: Language, fluff, angst

Summary: Being hidden away from the Avengers definitely brings curiosity when you are accidently discovered by one of them.

Word count: 5.6k

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

Being one of the most rich people in the world daughter, definitely has its own benefits along with flaws, one of them being that when people heard your surname they instantly think you are the most spoiled kid on earth, when in reality you practically don't even know your parents.

People think you overexaggerate, like how can you not know your parents? But it's the truth, at a young age you have been practically given up to Tony Stark, he is intelligent and has his weakness when it comes to sponsoring his businesses to which your parents agreed to with one condition.

That Tony takes you as they never had time in the world to babysit you, so Tony became the father figure you always lacked. He taught you many things along with his passion of building, with each lesson you become better which is why you are currently working for Tony.

You practically have the same knowledge as him so when he is busy or needs another person's perspective he asks you to help and you do it with gratefulness.

When your parents noticed that you are starting to become a potential, they asked Tony to keep you discreet but would regularly check up on you, not that they would even try to interact with you but you didn't really care.

You were fine with Tony being the only father figure, soon when Pepper came into Tony's life, she was like the mother you always dreamed off, she always supported you and loved spending time with you when Tony was busy with his meetings.

Since you were stuck in the same place at all the times, you wanted to explore but you were forbidden from doing so, you knew no one could find out about you or Tony could get into big trouble with your parents.

You heard of the Avengers and their work, but you and Tony were behind the inventions so they could succeed against enemies three times their size.

It would've been one of those days where Tony would disappear from the team and spend some of his time with you, catching up or helping you with studying.

You was sat at your desk, the room was connected to the lab where you and Tony would come up with creations, the lab had a window that was tinted so only the person inside could see outside of it which was useful, as you could watch people walk past and no one would know you are even there.

The room of course was filled with things that could never bore you but it did bore you. You couldn't leave anywhere because if there was a picture leaked, your parents would be furious, so you were basically locked like Rapunzel but you couldn't escape.

"How are you, kid?" Tony asked as he walked inside the room, taking a double look in the hall to make sure no one saw him.

You nodded as you looked at him "Like any person who is locked inside a room their whole life"

He laughed a little as he made his way towards you "I'm sure it is very entertaining"

"Yeah, I'm so entertained as you can see" You pointed towards your books.

He sat on the desk as he leaned over to see what you were studying "Biology? What's so fascinating about that?"

You rolled your eyes, you would think someone like Tony would be somewhat interested in facts about science "It's interesting, like the human body has 12 systems. Don't tell me this isn't impressive?"

He smiled at you "You need another hobby, kiddo"

You playfully rolled your eyes "And you need to let me explore this building"

His smile fell a little, he knew that this is inhumane to keep you in a room locked and no one could find out about you "Under different circumstances, that would be possible"

You stood up from the chair as you kept your gaze on him "I know, it's okay though, as long as you keep hanging around I'm sure I will be fine"

He nodded slightly with a sad smile "If it only was up to me, you would be able to just walk freely"

"I don't understand, why don't they just let you adopt me, they barely even talk to me, you have been more of a parent to me than they ever were"

He looked at you, he always cared about you, even if you weren't his daughter by blood, he always considered you as one along with Pepper "I wonder that as well.."

The silence started to settle but he cleared his throat, throwing one of his famous smiles and pulling you into him with his hand over your shoulder as he walked towards the lab "I started to come up with this prototype and then I noticed something and I wanted to ask you about it"

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

The time with him went by so quickly, he didn't even notice that he was gone for so long, he gave you a hug which was something that was so foreign to you until he took you, you still wasn't used to it especially since you barely received them but you grew fond of them.

The team started to get suspicious of Tony's disappearances, at first they thought he was sneaking off to see Pepper but that went out of the window when she walked into the Avengers tower and asked about him, indicating that she had no clue where he was.

They wanted to find out what he has been doing all that time, they checked every room they could possibly think off, but it came back short. They even asked Friday but that programmed thing always gave the same answer 'It's confidential' which only just fuelled the team.

Correction; Most of the team, by most that was Sam, Bucky, Thor and Natasha and the rest didn't really care until the four never came up with any explanation to why Tony had to disappear.

Steve only took interest when Sam really insisted and came up with some theory that Tony has a second woman on the side with a whole family, obviously there was no evidence to support that.

"I still think Wanda should look into his head" Thor came back with some sort of drink in his hand as he reclaimed his seat.

There was a slight laugh "There is no way I'm doing that, I respect that man too much, you guys are on your own"

All of them looked towards Wanda who heard Thor and they just sighed knowing that she won't do it, no matter how much they would beg.

"Natasha is a spy, can't she like follow Tony one day and just see where he always wonders off to?" Wanda asked as she sat down next to Steve who was scribbling something down on his notepad.

Sam and Bucky looked at each other with a slight smirk as they both looked at Natasha, who already knew that there would be no way out of this "Natashaaaaa..." Sam dragged her name out in an attempt to get to her " The witch is right, just follow him, you are like a super sneaky spy."

Natasha rolled her eyes as Thor spoke up again after taking a sip of his drink "That could save us a lot of time"

Natasha looked at Wanda who had a small smirk across her lips "You welcome" The witch mouthed which caused a glare to be thrown her way from the Russian.

She eventually agreed, especially when they would follow her everywhere, annoying her until she would crack. The famous black widow for once didn't threaten her team mates since she was as curious as them.

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

She has been following Tony all day, sneaking around, hanging from the ceiling and just watching his every move, she was close to giving up but that's when she noticed a door appear from the wall, from the outside it looked like any wall but that's where you would be with Tony all the time.

Tony looked around and walked inside and then the door disappeared. Natasha, feeling of satisfaction washed over her, had a smirk across her lips, finally that's where he has been hiding all this time.

She expected, some embarrassing place where Tony stored away his secrets that she could tease him about, so when he walked out again couple minutes after, she took the opportunity and snuck inside the room.

She was slightly disappointed when she just found a lab but her eyes caught a movement from the opened door, across from where she was, she quietly made her way there as she looked around. It was just a bedroom with a lot of fun stuff.

She observed you as you was sat on your bed with a book in hand so she decided to speak up "Now who can you be, gorgeous?"

Natasha never failed to notice how attractive you were, the way your hair would be pushed behind the both of your ears, in her eyes you looked young but old enough.

You jumped up from the unfamiliar voice, eyes fixated at the redhead in front, you knew this was bad, she shouldn't be here and now that she has seen you, this will only be a big problem.

Just like you jinxed Tony walked in and his eyes widen at the sight of the redhead "Romanoff what the hell are you doing here?"

She eagerly span on her hill as she faced him with a smirk "So that's where you have been hiding out"

"How did you even get in?" He narrowed his eyes as he looked at you, you looked clueless as well.

"The door closes too slow, I just walked in. But who is that?" Natasha simply explained but her attention changed towards you with a smile.

He stood in front of her as he covered you "That's not your business, you shouldn't even be here-"

Natasha walked around, making her way towards you as she extended her hand towards you "I'm Natasha but you can call me Nat, sweetheart"

Her attempt at flirting with you only irritated Tony "Romanoff, I swear if you don't take a step back from her, you'll regret it" He tried to stick to his threat but Natasha knew him too well.

You looked at Tony "Dad, does that mean am I in trouble?"

Natasha's eyes widen as she repeated what you said "Dad?!"

Tony rolled his eyes and looked at you with a small smile "Of course not" His eyes darted back to Natasha "But she will be"

You would be lying if you didn't think that some of the Avengers were pretty good looking, you never was in a relationship for obvious reasons but there would be times you would imagine yourself in one, not that you knew much about them but the films and books seem to give you some sort of an idea.

Natasha mumbled as her eyes narrowed "Maybe Sam was right about you having a secret family"

"Secret family? Have you guys been creating some sort of theories about me? What the hell are you guys doing?" He sounded more than irritated.

"Does Pepper know about you having a secret daughter?" She asked with her arms crossed.

Natasha might have been viewed at scary and unlovable for not more than her body but that doesn't mean she didn't have her own view on some subjects, she just never voiced them.

"She knows-" He paused as he huffed from irritation "I don't have to explain myself to you"

You watched as your eyes darted from one to another as they spoke so you decided to interrupt them "I'm trying to read..."

Natasha's gaze fell on you, she had a small smirk playing across her lips "You know that bed looks more than comfortable-"

"Out!" Tony shouted over Natasha as he pointed towards the exit, she finally given in and with a smirk she walked out and Tony followed but not before he sent you an apologetic look.

They both made it to a private room, out of hearing from anyone. Tony leaned on the door as Natasha stood not far from him, he sighed with a defeated look "Can you keep this to yourself? I will pay you or something"

The redhead with a hint of genuine emotion "You don't have to pay me, I will keep this to myself you don't have to worry but"

He dread that 'but', he knew there was a catch, Natasha continued "Who is that?"

He pushed himself off the door and sat on the table as he looked at Natasha "It's not my place to say, but her parents decided to give her to me and here she is, no one can know so just make up a lie or something"

He seems upset in a way and just like that walked out of the room and went back to you, Natasha's eyes followed him as she felt a little guilty for invading his privacy.

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

Everyone from the team apart from Tony were waiting for Natasha to return with some hopeful news. She wasn't expecting literally everyone to be tuned in.

She was taken back as she made it into the living room, they were waiting with excitement written all over their faces "So?" one of them spoke up.

The redhead crossed her arms as she raised her eyebrows perfectly "You guys just sat here and waited for me to come back?"

They shrugged and just said 'yes' which just made Natasha shake her head at their nosiness "Well I found nothing, he was busy with his meetings all day." She paused as they all groaned "Maybe there literally is nothing"

Wanda tilted her head at Natasha, she knew she had an advantage over the team, especially if they tried to lie, so when Natasha excused herself the witch took the opportunity to follow her.

"Wait up, Natasha" Wanda spoke from behind her as she caught up to her.

She turned to face Wanda as she raised her brows at her "What's up?"

Wanda looked around and with a swift motion, pushed them both into a room that wasn't familiar, from the sudden move it caused Natasha to slightly gasp from shock as this wasn't what she expected.

"What the hell Wanda!"

Wanda looked with an innocent smile "Sorry, I just wanted to be out of range of everyone"

"Why?" Natasha simply asked, not sure to why Wanda suddenly wants to talk.

"What did you find out?" The witch didn't beat around the bush, she came out with it straight away.

"I'm not sure what you are referring to?" The Russian tried to play dumb.

Wanda rolled her eyes "You might be able to fool them but remember I can still read your mind"

Natasha sighed as she crossed her arms and leaned on a little table that was behind her "Not much, there is hidden room where he keeps some girl who claims to be his daughter, the thing is that is definitely not his daughter. You can't say anything, he asked me not to and I'm only telling you because I don't want you to go inside my head"

Wanda liked the fact that she was somewhat feared by the Widow, she powerful but she would never try to hurt her team mates; scrap that, her family so she just nodded.

"We have a new addition!" Wanda clapped her in excitement "If you need help or anything, I'm here"

Natasha smiled at the witch and nodded and thanked the witch, they both went back to what they were doing; Natasha coming up with a way to find out more about you and Wanda went back to pity the boys.

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

It was one of those days for the team, where there would be no missions as Stark had a lot of business stuff to take care off with his company. He needed someone to keep an eye out for you, he would've asked Pepper but she was busy for that day so the only person that popped in his head was Natasha.

He walked into the area where everyone had their own get together to just relax after a chaotic week, he spotted the redhead sipping on beer "Looks like everyone is getting comfortable today"

They looked at Tony who was in a suit rather than something more comfortable "Shame you can't spend it with us" Steve spoke first, he was the only one who wasn't exactly drunk but he wasn't sober either.

Tony shook his head as he smiled "Well, nothing I can do unfortunately. Which reminds me, Romanoff I have a mission for you actually"

The team groaned at his words, Natasha was really liked as she would be able to drink so much and not get drunk, she would barely even reach the drunk state, so having her attend a mission made the team a little moody.

She nodded as she finished off her beer and stood up to follow Tony, she remembered not having any missions, she always double checks so she is never behind anything.

"What mission?" Those were the only words that left the Russian.

Tony sighed, knowing that this is the only way out "I need you to keep an eye out on that room"

The redhead crossed her arms as she listened to him "What do you want me do?"

He handed her a card "I want you to be causation, in case something happens and I'm not here. Do not go in there and disturb her, she has some stuff to do"

Natasha nodded as she looked down at the card "This is to open the door?"

He nodded and smiled at Natasha as he reached for her shoulder and squeezed it "Good luck"

Natasha watched Tony disappear and sighed, she never was the one to break rules but she really wanted to hang out with you, there was something about you that pulled her in and there wasn't a waking second that she wouldn't want to spend with you.

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

The Russian did as she was told, she kept an eye out for the room and observed it in a distance to make sure that everything was okay, it was quite boring, but she had her phone to occupy her time, she received some messages from Steve and Sam, showing her what she was 'missing'.

She was going to reply until she heard footsteps, she peaked and saw you with a hood up, waiting for the elevator to come, she smirked as she leaned on the door frame "Where do you think you're going, gorgeous?"

You didn't jump this time, you looked over at her and rolled your eyes as you whispered "Are you stalking me or something?"

The Russian crossed her arms, she knew what to do "Wouldn't you like to know!"

You raised your brows at her shouting, it would attract attention of people close by, meaning you would be spotted, so you marched your way towards her as you walked inside where she was camping out to hide.

"Can't you be quiet?" The way you spoke to her as if you knew her would straight away be a death wish for you but somehow you wasn't scared of her.

She looked out to see if anyone was coming and closed the door behind, trapping you inside with her "I could've been if you were nicer"

You sighed defeatedly as you looked down "Right, I'm sorry.." by the time you were done speaking, you looked up at her as she was analysing you.

"Where were you going to go?" She asked with no hesitation in her tone, she was a little different to the people you met, she wanted to find out why you did what you did rather than punish you straight away.

"I wanted to just leave that room, I never have the chance to do that and I thought today was my chance but" You paused as you eyed her "Clearly not"

The redhead felt hot as you eyed her but she hid it well "Okay, come with me"

You raised your brows at her but smiled as you put your hood up and you followed her like a puppy, you didn't know the place and if the worlds most deadly assassin was going to take you around, you knew it would be best to stick with her.

The two of you made it to the roof top, you never went anywhere your whole life, always stuck in that room or met your parents in some plain white meeting room to discuss what would be best for you.

As you stood near the door, you looked around to see the city and how beautiful it was, it was the first time you saw anything that pretty, usually you would only stare at one view from your room and that eventually got boring.

The Russian chuckled at you and made her way towards the edge of the building, placing herself on the floor, you did join her but sat a little further away from the edge.

You looked down and saw multiple cars go by but from far they looked like toys, the way you observed everything melted Natasha's heart, she never witnessed anyone being so happy whilst looking down a huge tall building.

Natasha shook her head a little with a small smile which caught your attention "What you smiling at?"

She looked at you with the same smile "I never seen someone be so happy whilst looking down to potential death" She teased a little.

You looked away from her and bluntly responded "If you were locked inside a room for your whole life, things like this would amuse you as well"

There was a pause in between, the Russian tried to come up with something to say without wanting to invade your privacy "How did you not go insane?"

You laid down on your back as you stared at the stars above "Hope"

You replied with one word which only interested Natasha even more "Hope for what?"

"For this.." You pointed up at the sky and she understood. You hoped one day you'll be able to just walk around.

She took a deep breath as she laid next to you and looked at your side profile "Why are you not allowed to leave that room?"

You looked at her, meeting her eyes trying to embed into your memory the way her eyes looked at you "Because that's my life"

"Surely Tony wouldn't be this cruel to not let you leave his side" She spoke trying to crack you a little bit more.

You chuckled "No, Tony is the best father figure you could ask for. It's just that my parents have a tight hold over him and if I mess that up, they will literally lock in inside a prison or something"

Natasha's eyes never left your face, it was like she was in some trance "So Tony isn't your biological dad?" The redhead asked, she knew that he wasn't but she wanted to know more from you.

You shook your head from side to side "I wish, he has been more of a parent to me than my own ever were"

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to" Natasha stated softly, making sure you didn't think she was forcing you.

You gave her a smile "I know, but you seem like you want to know unlike everyone else"

She frown at your answer "What do you mean? People don't listen to you?"

You shook your head "Nope, no one cares either"

"I do" It was the most quietest 'I do' you ever heard.

"You are the only one"

She was quiet as she was processing your words, so you continued "My parent's never actually cared about me, but I don't really care, what I care is that they locked me and don't allow me to do whatever I want"

"You talk about your parents as if they are really powerful, who are they?" She asked curiously, not to be nosy but to know more about you.

You looked away, scared about the judgement from her "My name is Y/n Y/l/n"

She looked at you with disbelief "So you're the spoiled kid of the Y/l/n family?" She asked with a surprised tone.

You knew this would happen, the news never shut up about you and your weird disappearance so you nodded and she sat up from the disbelief "That's bullshit, you don't seem to be spoiled"

You raised your eyebrows at her "Am I not? Have you not seen my room?"

She rolled her eyes "Well do you expect to be locked in a room with just a bed and couple books? I think that's a reasonable room for someone who has been forced to stay in it"

You sat up as you listen to her defend you as if she knew you, so you simply smiled "Thank you"

She looked at you as her emotions were quick to cool down "For what?"

"For taking me here and listening to me, I never had friends before, to be fair I never met anyone near my age" You nervously played with your fingers as you admitted it to her.

She smiled as she stood up and extended her hand towards you so she can help you stand up "Well we aren't done.. that's if you still want to hang with me"

You took her hand as she pulled you up "Please, anything to not spend another minute in that room"

She smiled as the both of you slowly started to walk towards the exit of the roof "If you want, there is a small get together with the Avengers, we can tag along with them"

You looked at her side profile this time, if you didn't have to reply to her, you would most likely be speechless by her beauty "Do you think they will know who I am?"

She waved her hand dismissively "Don't worry, I will put them back in their place if they say anything rude"

⸻⸻⋙☸⋘⸻⸻

And that's how it started, you both attended the get together, you met wonderful people and for the first time in your life you tried alcohol. The team was more than happy to have you in their circle and shortly they learnt who you were, it wasn't possible to hide anything from them plus you were on the news practically all the time but they never judged you but more opposite, they loved you.

Thor even called you Lady Y/n and you really liked it, they treated you like any other person and you could've been more grateful for that, Natasha walked you to your room and stayed until you fell asleep, she stayed to ensure that you would actually fall asleep but also to watch as you slowly relaxed every muscle in your body.

From that moment, she only started to fall for you even more, the more you opened up the more she was in awe at how brave you had become but it was the moment when you stood up to your parents in front of her that she realised she really likes you.

It was one of those days where she sneaked inside your room and you loved it, the two of you would spend time watching movies that she loved and movies that you loved, or watch movies the both of you hated and just made comments on it.

You gotten comfortable around Natasha and she respected you like you respected her, you wasn't sure whether what you felt was friendly or romantic, your heart would always skip a beat when her arm would brush against yours or when she laughed so hard at something you said and she gripped your arm or hand it just made you miss her touch after.

"I don't understand why they even go towards that stupid sound, I would turn around and just walk off" You commented as you were irritated at the scene on the TV.

The Russian chuckled slightly "That's because you are a wuss, of course you would run away"

You rolled your eyes at her as you looked over "Please, as if you wouldn't. Just because you are THE Black Widow, it doesn't make you less of a human"

She looked over at you curiously "So you're saying everyone would be scared?"

You nodded confidently "Oh for sure, if someone just barged inside here, you would jump for sure"

And that's what happened, someone DID barge in but it was someone you didn't expect, the way you gripped onto Natasha's body as if she would somehow make it disappear and the way Natasha held onto you as if she could make that disappear was more adorable.

"Y/n Y/l/n! What do you think you're doing!" The voice spoke that was familiar yet at the time not really.

You felt a blush across your cheeks as you realised you were still holding into Natasha, you let her go and looked at her, she had a slight blush as well but she quickly looked away from you to mask the blush.

You stood up from your bed and walked over to where the voice was, it was your mother, she stood there with her arms crossed and that's when Natasha came out from behind you, she crossed her arms as she narrowed her eyes at the woman.

Your mother held the phone out as it displayed your newly social media "I don't see what's wrong Mother"

She huffed "You are unimageable disrespectful!"

Natasha raised her eyebrows at her, she understood what you meant now but you continued "No, I'm being respectful, it's you who barged into this room throwing a fit over a picture"

"You are doing this on purpose, you are trying to ruin our imagine! You must delete that now, this is unacceptable" She looked at the phone and at the picture, it was you with the team, the next picture was with Natasha as she leaned on your shoulder and made a cute little kissy pose.

You shook your head "No" it was all you said which caught Natasha off guard but she felt proud, so there was a smug smile across her lips as she observed the woman in front of her.

"Unbelievable" She paused as the redhead finally caught her eye so she pointed towards her "You are the one who corrupted my daughter"

Natasha's smile was gone as those words left her mouth so she decided to speak up "If she was your daughter you would treat her better"

You looked over at Natasha, the way her gaze was on your mother so firmly, make your stomach do flips "She never corrupted me, she was always here for me" She looked down at you with a smile that met her eyes, you looked at your mother "Unlike you or Father"

Her mouth dropped opened at your words, she never expected you to ever talk to her like that, so you continued "I'm old enough to decide for myself, so I'm no longer your daughter but Tony's, he adopted me and I will happily call him my dad and Pepper my mom, they deserve those names so if you don't like it, leave the same way you came in"

She was boiling inside as Natasha chuckled at her expression, she huffed and walked out not saying anything back, you let out a breath that you didn't even know you was holding and turned to face Natasha, a squeak came out of your mouth as you jumped into Natasha's arms.

She held you so tightly but you quickly pulled away realising what you did, you were still in her arms but just facing her "Oh god! This is bad, she will take revenge"

Natasha's voice always seemed to calm you "Hey, hey. She won't do that, Tony won't let that happen and frankly I won't either"

You always seem to be oblivious to Natasha's feelings towards you, she wasn't very open with them which is what caused your obliviousness. The both of you were scared of rejection but something with the way Natasha comforted you and held you tight against her, making you look down at her lips.

She caught on and with every courage that was left in her body, she leaned closer, before her lips reached yours you looked into her eyes "Thank you Talia"

She smiled as she kissed you, she finally did what she always wanted to do, she felt as if there was fireworks going off, the way butterflies would grow just at the touch of your lips, she loved it and she was intoxicated.

You were the first to pull away, resting your forehead against hers "I like it when you call me that"

A grin broke out on your face "Talia, Talia, Talia-"

She kissed you again, this time with hunger as she backed you into a wall, you tangled your hands into her hair as you matched her pace in the kiss.

Even if it wasn't long since you knew each other, the want and the need was stronger than self control for Natasha, especially when you did things like this.

"You really don't want to walk tomorrow" The way her voice was low and her eyes would fill with lust just at you teasing.

"I'm not sure I understand what that means"

Natasha smirked as her lips made their way towards your ear "You don't have to.."

"You just need to feel it" her lips latched onto your skin within seconds, causing a moan to escape your lips.