#-The Bad Guy ! this guy is robbing the bank ! We have to Help The Police stop him !

[spushii]

why are leftists on this website unironically complaining about Feminist Killjoys gently reminding everyone that a movie on a corporate IP is trying to sell you something. The movie being good or fun does not mean that it's primary purpose is not to create or increase cultural awareness and good will with consumers so that they can sell something to you

[bruciemilf]

this concept that won't leave my brain. It's like a little gremlin banging to be let out.

Particularly, - Batman is Gotham's hero; He's not like any other baby faced, squeaky clean, popular good guy. He's scarred and brutal and violent in his service.

But it's fine, because Gotham is like that, too.

It's never peaceful, but it's standing strong, and there's an unanimous agreement they have Batman to thank for that.

The thing about Bruce is that he gives. He bleeds for Gotham, dies little by little every night protecting it, sacrifices everything he can and a little bit more so it won't be swallowed up by the evil that took his parents.

He doesn't expect parades, or celebrations, or gratitude because in his mind, it's just the decent thing to do.

Goodness isn't a chore. It's a choice. It's a sword you pick up again and again until your hands spill red and then pick it up some more.

And there's a collective fear in Gotham City. that one day, Batman would get tired of bleeding. When the GCPD gangs up on him, for refusing to let them gun down an Arkham escapee, they watched.

" He's not presenting a danger right now. His healthcare isn't enough to cover medication and he was dissociating. Let me take him back."

" For what? So he could escape again and rob another bank, like all the others?! Why are you protecting this psycho?!"

" He needs help."

" I don't care. His 'needs' aren't our damn problem. He wouldn't be anyone's problem if you just stepped aside and let us do the job you're too chicken shit to do. Who's side are you on, anyway?"

Batman's jaw is screwed tight, but he doesn't move. If he did, that guy hiding behind him would paint the streets red with a bullet hole in his head.

" We're supposed to work together, Batman."

" I work with people. Not pigs."

Commissioner Gordon tried to be fast, but he was pushed back as nearly half the police force swarm Gotham's knight; Kicking, stomping, punching, attacking because they know he can't attack back.

Because he's Batman, and they're just people. And the crowd watches, eyes wide and limbs frozen, until they can't. Until they won't.

There's a purse flying between the two crowds, hitting one of the officers square in the face.

" Hands off our Bat!"

There's pushing; That's what Bruce can see. Bodies on bodies, but it's easier to breathe again without a forearm pressing on his windpipe. He can't tell what's happening, but he's pulled back, handled almost... Carefully.

" Hey," he knows this voice, this face; It's the mailman, probably the one guy brave enough to deliver to the Waynes, who wonks for Damian three times as he drives away, elping him stand on a bad leg. " You alright, Batman?"

Someone else picks up his weight, - It's the owner of the grocery store his boys like to shop at.

She's glaring at police man currently sharing punches with an angry mob of people. " Bastards roughed you up, huh? Jim! Get your car!"

The people make way for Jim until he safely unlocks his car, threatening to fire anyone who even touches a trigger before he wheels over to where they're at. " Take care of him, will you?"

Jim nods, " I'll try."

They drive away, Jim locking the car because he knows Batman. But the people here are tough. They're just as angry and vengeful as their city is.

" Why?"Bruce is speaking outloud, watching a dozen, hundred people fight; For him.

Jim thinks it's very simple. " Gotham's fucked up. But we take care of our own," and he looks at Batman, eyes gleaming and grateful and relived, just like the runaway in the back-seat. " You may not be one of them, but you're one of us. Hope that's enough."

There's quiet.

" Thank you. For fighting for us."

"... Thank you for letting me."

Batman says nothing, but he doesn't need to. Jim doesn't say anything to his glassy eyes, or the temple of his lip.

Hope isn't permanent, but it's not lost. Not if they're reminded to find it.

[goodstuffhappenedtoday]

10 years ago, Batkid was battling bad guys and cancer — now he's 15 and healthy

Today, Miles Scott is a healthy teenager with a passion for baseball. He plays catcher for his high school in Tulelake, Calif. "I wear all-black in baseball," Miles said. "So the dugout's always screaming 'Batkid! Batkid!'" Ten years ago, the then-5-year-old Miles won hearts both in his hometown and around the world when he transformed into the black-clad superhero Batkid for a day, becoming an instant media sensation. The Make-A-Wish Foundation, a non-profit that grants wishes to children who are seriously ill, partnered with the City of San Francisco to organize the adventure for Miles, who had been battling acute lymphoblastic leukemia since he was just 18 months old. According to the Yale School of Medicine, the disease is the most common type of childhood cancer. Survival rates used to be low, but these days children with the disease have up to a 90% chance of going on to lead a healthy life. Granting the wish Make-A-Wish went to elaborate lengths to make Miles' dream of becoming Batman's sidekick Batkid true. The foundation enlisted the help of The Mayor of San Francisco (the late Ed Lee), the San Francisco Police and Fire Departments, the San Francisco Giants and many other individuals and entities. San Francisco was re-dubbed "Gotham City" — Batman's fictional home — for the day. Clad in his Batkid costume and accompanied by a grownup Batman (played by Eric Johnston), the pair zipped around in their Batmobile thwarting villains — they prevented The Riddler from robbing a bank vault — and undertaking daring rescues, including freeing the San Francisco Giants' mascot Lou Seal from The Penguin's clutches.

Thousands of people descended on San Francisco to cheer Miles on. He earned a key to the city. The San Francisco Chronicle published a special edition of its daily newspaper to mark the occasion. Then-U.S. President Barack Obama sent Miles words of encouragement via a video message on social media. "The feeling was palpable; you could just feel the positiveness and how the community came together," said Miles' mom, Natalie Scott. "People flew in from everywhere and it just gave everyone some sense of peace almost." The event was covered by many mainstream media organizations, including NPR. And millions of people around the world followed the #Batkid hashtag on social media. Batkid lives on Batkid's legacy didn't end on that day.

The wish was the subject of the 2015 Warner Bros. documentary, Batkid Begins. Media organizations have revisited the story over the years. "He plays Little League, attends fifth grade, helps on his family's farm and sold his first market goat at the fair over the summer," reported his hometown California paper, The Siskyou Daily News, on Batkid's fifth anniversary in 2018.

And Miles himself has been free of cancer for the past few years. "Every year he goes for a checkup, and everything's been on the straight and narrow, so, we hope to keep it that way," said Nick Scott, Miles' dad. Miles has grown out of his Batkid costume. But his kid brother Ben donned it last Halloween. Miles is now in high school and is looking ahead to the future. "Right now, he's dead set on going to Alaska and being a 'pack mule' for his cousin's husband's guide business," said Natalie Scott. "And he has a lot of interest in welding. So we'll see!"

[manicplank]

can we have hc on witnessing a robbery, burglary, assault etc

Witnessing a crime

Peppino: Uh oh... Someone's trying to rob that guy over there! He runs over in Mach 3 and body slams the robber! The guy tries to thank him and reward him with cash, but Peppino turns it down. Doing a good deed is all he needs in payment. He goes home with a smug smirk on his face. Is that robber gonna be ok? Probably not. Oh well! So shines a good deed in a weary world.

Gustavo: Oh no! Someone's robbing the convenience store! Let's go, Brick! They bust through the door and chase the robbers out! It's hard not to run from a giant rat! The owner is thankful. They did break the door, though... He offers to pay, but the owner of the store is simply grateful that he no longer has a gun to his head. Okay, then! He oats Brick on the head. "Well done, buddy! Now let's go home and watch a movie. Maybe we can stop somewhere and get you a treat!"

Mr. Stick: Two people are fist fighting! He runs over and blends into the crowd. He's got 50 bucks on that guy! Who's in the bet? He ends up losing the bet. Wait... The guy who won, is that... The Noise?! Hey, wait, no, don't leave! Mr. Stick has a bone to pick with you!

Pepperman: Someone is vandalizing that wall with graffiti! Here comes Pepperman to save the day! Ok, so what you want to do is use less of the red and more of the blue, it gives it a more realistic touch. You're doing great! Okay, now try using some of the purple next to the blue. [sirens] SHIT, IT'S THE COPS! RUN!!!

The Vigilante: A gang of ne'erdowells is robbing the Pig City Bank! Thankfully, The Vigilante is here to save the day! He kicks open the doors, which takes out the watchmen. His gun clicks as he points at the thieves. There's three of them but only one of him. He pulls the trigger and slams the hammer back so he can fire again and again. All three criminals are taken down! Hooray for The Vigilante!!! The Pig City Police arrive to take the criminals to jail.

The Noise: He's in a fight with someone. They're probably fighting over something stupid. His nose is bleeding, but the other guy is black and blue all over. One more punch to the jaw, and the other dude is knocked out! The crowd around them cheers. Noise! Noise! Noise! He runs out of there before the cops arrive! The other guy can't seem to remember what happened, and The Noise never gets caught.

Noisette: Oh gosh! Someone's assaulting that poor old lady! Noisette runs over in a panic, flailing her arms. "HELP! HELP! THERE'S A BOMB STRAPPED TO MY CHEST (sobs) OH MY GOD, SOMEONE HELP!" The robber scatters off, but so does the old lady. However, the robber was unsuccessful. She wipes off her shoulders. She learned that trick from The Noise. It works every time!

Fake Peppino: A gang of bad shrimp try to break into Bruno's despite the signs on the door. He hears the boards being broken... Intruders! He walks over in his usual form to see the gang, and they laugh at him. "What're you gonna do, weirdo?" They brandish their knives. Suddenly, Fakey warps into a giant, horrific deity. He wails demonically and charges at them. They run out screaming, but Fakey manages to grab one. He throws him in his mouth and chews him up. Mm, yummy! Wait, come back, you guys are tasty!

Pizzaface: A gang of bad pigs try to break into the fourth floor. Not on his watch! He slams face down and squashes them like flies. Well, that was easy. "Hey, Faker! I've got some ham for ya!"

Pizzahead: Someone broke into Pizzaboy's PizzPizza, and they're avoiding all the alarms, so the bots aren't engaged. They're trying to loot the place. Hell no! He rushes down there and sneaks up on the guy. He gets behind them and stabs their neck repeatedly with a Pizzaboy Official Merch Knife! Available today at your local Pizzamart! (Not suitable for children under 3.) Another body to feed to the garbage disposal- er, I mean, Fakey.

Pillar John: Someone broke into the tower. Hmmm... If he can knock himself over, he can activate Pizza Time, which will alarm Pizzaface. How would he do that, though? Maybe if he, URG! Twists and, EGH, wiggles enough he can- (THUD!) IT'S PIZZA TIME! Whoo, that was tough, but he did the right thing.

Gerome: Several times have gang members tried to rob him in The Pig City. He tries to explain to them that he's broke and doesn't necessarily get paid. They don't care. Little do they know, he has a mop, and he knows how to weaponize it! Slam! He hits one of them in the face with the wet side of the mop, and they're knocked out. "Now... Who wants some?!" The rest of the gang runs away, leaving their buddy behind.

This one was fun to write.

[weirdlypersonalrpmemes]

»        as dusk falls sentence starters           tw: alcohol, mental health.             feel free to change pronouns and/or phrasing to suit your muse!

❝ not so long ago, i wanted to be a journalist. ❞

❝ i tell ya, the only thing worse than feeding a dog fast food is smelling it again on the way out. ❞

❝ that’s a lot of stuff for just two men. ❞

❝ what do bank robbers eat for dessert? heist cream. you get it? ❞

❝ you lost the — no you didn't. ❞

❝ take a minute. get your shit together. ❞

❝ country kids. or the desert version. lucky we’re still in one piece. ❞

❝ this your work? you've done a good job fuckin' it up i see. ❞

❝ why weren't you keepin' an eye out, huh? ❞

❝ all right, big-man, you've got until seven to get this apartment ship-shape and ready to go. ❞

❝ learn how to drive, asshole! ❞

❝ don’t talk about him. this is all his dumb fault anyway. ❞

❝ jesus christ. i swear i never come so close to shittin' myself. ❞

❝ [NAME], no. we can't go from strangers to roommates. ❞

❝ you're trying to kidnap my WIFE, man. you think i'm gonna stand here and let that happen?. ❞

❝ so what’s next? license plate game? another round of row-row-row your boat? ❞

❝ i hope he didn’t see our license plate. ❞

❝ relax! it ain’t personal. ❞

❝ family? we’re just your fucking babysitters. ❞

❝ police, open up! ❞

❝ police, open up! or maybe... it's the big bad wolf. ❞

❝ jesus, [NAME], this isn't die hard. ❞

❝ you think you're bruce willis, huh? undercover, fighting off bad guys? ❞

❝ maybe you need a cold shower. ❞

❝ eyyy, let’s party. ❞

❝ shut the fuck up. ❞

❝ girls, booze, that fancy purple car of yours... i don't know, it doesn't sound like the worst. ❞

❝ gonna miss your sweet little smile, cupcake. one last drink? ❞

❝ you wanna hear my pitch? i say we rob the bank. ❞

❝ no offense... but i think you're just hot wind. ❞

❝ well you got a better plan? cause i don't. ❞

❝ these houses all look the same to me. ❞

❝ you're always out skulkin' in the woods, climbin' trees and all that. we all know you're good at it. ❞

❝ don't screw this up, kid. ❞

❝ i need you focused, or none of us are getting out of here. ❞

❝ no — no — STOP. YOU listen to ME. ❞

❝ you and i are goin' for a stroll. ❞

❝ she's tough. she'll make it. ❞

❝ it's not the walls. it's what happened within them. ❞

❝ you touch my things again, you won’t be happy. ❞

❝ he came back early, i don’t know what happened! ❞

❝ s'alright. i put my big boy pants on today. ❞

❝ get rid of the cop. you hear me? ❞

❝ you know what this means? shooting a hostage? ❞

❝ all i asked, was that you not do anything stupid. but stupid is all you do, isn’t it? ❞

❝ are you about to give me marriage advice? because if i recall, you walked out on yours. ❞

❝ take that stupid smirk off your face. you look like a fuckin' halfwit. ❞

❝ look, you got away. can you let me go now? ❞

❝ you’re coming with me. ❞

❝ you know you're going to jail after this, and when you finally die there, you're going straight to fuckin' hell. ❞

❝ newsflash — THIS is hell. and we've been here a lot longer than you have. ❞

❝ this is a toughie... ❞

❝ you know something? i don’t like you. ❞

❝ knew we shouldn’t have brung him. ❞

❝ you do that, i promise you’ll regret it. ❞

❝ wanna get high? ❞

❝ i'm scared, [NAME]. i don't want to be alone. ❞

❝ hey, my heart's practically thumping out of my chest. but at least it's still 

beating, right? ❞

❝ i'm sorry about what i did. i was selfish, and i hurt you... ❞

❝ easy now, let’s just — ❞

❝ wait. you need a hostage? take me. ❞

❝ sorry to lock you up like this. ❞

❝ ON THE GROUND! NOW! ❞

❝ i think it’s time to put this whole thing behind us. ❞

❝ you joke when you're hurt, you always have. but i can see through it. ❞

❝ don't speak. don't make a sound. ❞

❝ it'll be over when we win. ❞

❝ i shot him! we gotta run! ❞

❝ now, i can help ya, but you gotta relax those nerves first, all right? ❞

❝ we all have things that scare us — like the dark, and that's okay. i guess we just learn to live with it until maybe one day we won't be afraid anymore. ❞

❝ it was a mistake. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. ❞

❝ oh god, i was right? ❞

❝ was he good in bed? was it worth it? ❞

❝ i'll always be here for you. that won't change. ❞

❝ come on, man. just share the food. ❞

❝ you are testing my patience here, man. ❞

❝ how the hell do you climb so fast? ❞

❝ please write back, [NAME]. i need to hear from you. ❞

❝ do you think i'm bad? am i... am i broken? ❞

❝ you know the world thought you were dead. after you jumped off that cliff. ❞

❝ you'll be fine. you have my word. ❞

❝ aw, fuck! ❞

❝ spare me the lecture. can you do it? ❞

❝ i think the only real job i ever had was convincing people i was someone else. ❞

❝ wasn’t taking the scenic route your idea? i wanted to do this trip at 30,000 feet. ❞

❝ look, this is our only chance. we have a kid in the back of the car, ain’t no way the cops’ll shoot. ❞

❝ i got your back, you know that, right? ❞

❝ i'll always look out for this family. no matter what. ❞

❝ come on now. you're just being dramatic. ❞

❝ look, forget what i said, okay? of course i'm your brother. ❞

❝ it isn't working. it never does. ❞

❝ i don't remember you having a scar before. ❞

❝ family means sacrifice. ❞

❝ we don’t know that for sure. it’s a huge risk. ❞

❝ hop that fence and find a way in. ❞

❝ be there tomorrow. please. let me die looking at someone who knows me. ❞

❝ look, you said you see my face in your dreams? well, i see your face too. i can't explain why. ❞

❝ you deserve a friend, you really do. it just isn't me. ❞

❝ i hope you’re happy. ❞

❝ let me just have one last look around. ❞

[sanrio-gyal]

Au where Hidan and Deidara have a prank channel

Hidan and Deidara are college kids who are bored so they decide to create a prank channel. Their videos get literally no views (only konan watches them because she’s supportive) she’ll leave a comment like. “So funny 😂🤣😅” They hate it. So they decide they need better ideas.

The first prank they do is robbing a bank. It’s so bad. Literally no one believes them, instead the people just laugh in their faces. The video is so bad that it get’s 100k views in a week. After that. The pranks get worst and worst. They’re so obnoxious!

They travel people around the store blowing into a horn then when a person get’s angry they’re like “you just got pranked ohhhhhh” then chest bump. 💀

It becomes down hill when Hidan gets into a fist fight because someone got offended. Instead of helping his bro out, Deidara is behind the camera yelling. It ends with blood and the police coming. Deidara profits and makes a thumbnail saying “goofy ah old man thinks he can fight 💀 (Hidan solos 🥶)” Hidan is in the thumbnail flexing with blood coming down his nose.

By now they’ve gotten kicked out every store in their town and some people have even put signs with their faces ex out. They’re a menace!

The worst pranks they’ve done is

Pretending to kill an animal at a vegan protest

Kidnapping kid (Itachi was forced to be the kid)

Child birth in the middle of a mall 😭

Running from the police

But the worst prank of all is Deidara making a fake bomb.

Timeskip to them sitting in jail and Kakuzu and Sasori have to bail them out. They get cursed out by both.

Kakuzu: you guys are incredibly stupid!

Sasori: bomb prank really?

Deidara: it was just a prank!

Hidan: this generation too sensitive..

Sasori: that’s the last prank you guys are making.

Deidara: but! Our fans! We have 200k subscribers!

Sasori: I don’t care!

Hidan: man this sucks!

That was the last video uploaded. Kakuzu and Hidan let them edit the video and that was it. The thumbnail was called

“we got arrested (not clickbait 🤯😱😳)” the picture was them holding their mugshots up with. A badly edited bomb in the middle. Their fans started making merch out of their mugshots lmao. They gained zero profit.

So pretty much. They gained so many enemies, no one likes them, their boyfriends don’t trust them, and gained zero profit. Good job.

[hoxooster]

THANK YOU SO MUCH for the very great answer i will cherish it forever (and probably be back next week with another idea/question/whatever that has basically nothing to do with this one)

Now this probably doesn't have much to do with wolfie but more with me trying to approach plot holes

Because I've been, let's say, mentally sketching, on what could be wolf's daughter. What I can't really wrap my head around, though, is how she would be able to actually find him. Yeah, the payday gang is basically known all over the world and all that, but how would she _find_ him??? Find as in able to actually confront the guy? i will basically throw all the ideas i currently have at you, please wear your seatbelt

Seriously help me because I honestly don't know how she would find him, let alone meet him, which literally is the main fucking plot point :(

Worlds biggest sidenote and one of my main concerns: Did wolf commit crimes and shit in sweden too? What did he do? (No, illegal parking doesn't count because it is fucking impossible to park correctly in stockholm)

OOOOOOOORRRRR this stuff i'm writing could take place in pd3??? Or like what the game currently is in? (Downtime between the games) So the gang is back together in new york and all that but not yet heisting? Ok i just realized how heavily dependent my idea is on Bain so that went down the drain. (nice rhyme) (how would she even know they are in new york) (this idea is swiss cheese due to plot holes)

Maybe he goes to Kiruna after the secret ending? To the cabin. It's far from Stockholm, so accidentally running into his family at the grocery store wouldn't happen. UNLESS his wife went to court after he left the country, got protected identity, and now lives untraceable somewhere in sweden with the kids? And some shit like this goes down with wolfie?? Okay at this point i feel kinda bad for you for having to try and keep up with my train of thought.

tl;dr - i have questions for you.

How could wolf's daughter possibly find him so she could confront him? Going to random banks and hope the payday gang decides to rob them while she's there seems a bit.. inefficient.

Did Wolf commit crimes in Sweden as well? If so, what do you think?

Do you think he would go back to Kiruna after the secret ending?

Bonus: do you think his wife ever gets courage to find someone new after the shitshow with wolf?

Don't feel pressured to answer it all if you don't feel like it. Take care, I appreciate you a lot <3

Alrighty then, let's get into it.

Like I said before, it depends on what set up you have for their past.

If she doesn't know, then why would she know about him heisting now? Even if they saw reports on the TV that showed his picture--which I doubt, because the only heisters that get talked about on the news in other countries are ones who also commit crimes in their countries, as far as I am aware--it's been years since they've seen him. We don't know what Wolf looked like before he started heisting. I mean, we can just use older pictures of Ulf as a base if we really want to, and it's probably the best and only option that we've really got, when you think about it. This was Ulf when he was 21ish:

Baby-man. Anyway, if he looked like this before he left them, then why would they recognize him from his police sketches now?

If she does know, then why in the hell would she even want to confront him? Say that she knows about what he did before he left and has heard about him on the news. Why in the ever-living FUCK would she want to confront a known cop and hostage-killer?

Here, as an example, I'll give you a lil' backstory on my parents. My father is a narcissist and a psychopath--I've mentioned this on here a few times--and he gets violent and abusive VERY QUICKLY when he has to deal with anything he 'doesn't like'. When my mom told him that she wanted a divorce, he got a hammer, went into the backyard, and brutally murdered one of their dogs so they 'wouldn't have something else to fight over in court.' My mom still remembers the groans that dog made as she tried to quickly get me and book it out of there before he could hurt us too.

Now, like I said in my previous answer:

So, after seeing him lose his shit more than a few times when she was a kid, having him disappear from her life, then show up in police sketches on the news where he's referred to as a robber and murderer... Yeah, I don't think that she'd want to be around him. She'd probably start running as soon as she saw his face, to be honest.

So, in my opinion for your story, you should go with that she doesn't know about his old and new heisting life. It just makes it so much more believable that she would actually want to meet up with him and ask "What gives? Why did you leave?"

As for how they would meet, you have a bunch of options. Wolf used to be a programmer as his day-job in his old life and he's very intelligent. Sometimes, kids will follow in their parents' footsteps for careers they want to go into. Failing that, Wolf's kids're most likely wicked smart too. So, you can always go for an exchange student or 'goes to college in America' type of deal, if you want them to meet up accidentally. It can even be during a heist, if you want extra ✨drama✨ for the whole thing. Or, like you said, they can meet-up accidentally (or maybe even intentionally) in Sweden during one of his visits.

If you want them to meet intentionally, then I would recommend that you look up videos and articles and whatnot people have posted about their own experiences with tracking down a family member. Use those to get your inspiration for what you want to do with them, 'cause I'm not a good source for this. The only reason why I met up with my father again while I was in my early teens was due to a lie his then-wife sent my ma in an email. She said that 'he wanted to reconnect with me', when it turned out that she was forcing the meet-up to try and drag me to a wedding for a step-brother that I hate and am afraid of for some reason. So...

As for committing crimes in Sweden, I already half-answered that question last time.

Considering how he was alone at the time, he probably started out by robbing small stores and businesses. Maybe even smaller banks. You can actually find videos of former bank robbers who worked alone and hear about the methods they used. I personally like this video the most, as he looks at and breaks down film-based robberies from his own perspective. After that, since his company went under due to another company, he might have tried robbing them. Maybe this score was even what put Wolf on Bain's radar. Who knows?

Wolf visits his cabin in Kiruna at least once a year.

This is mostly in reference to the fact that the real-life Ulf Andersson left OVERKILL and made his own studio and game, but the first sentence is still relevant. So, he probably went there and set up shop, yeah.

Bonus round for the ex-wife: It's possible. I don't see why she would avoid relationships, unless she personally wanted to. 'Cause their divorce wasn't based on a 'he's a man and I believe that all men are pigs now because of what happened' issue, it happened due to a 'he had a mental breakdown and he isn't safe anymore' issue. My ma had plenty of boyfriends when I was growing up--not that I met many of them, because my ma wanted to keep me and our homes/apartments safe. She also remarried in 2009 to my step-dad, so Wolf's ex-wife could either be alone, in a relationship, or married to someone else. It has been ~7-8 years, after all. Shit happens.

[acestories]

Arc 1 Chapter 2

Seattle city streets have an average speed limit of about 32 to 40 kph, or about 20 to 25 mph if you suffer from a severe case of being a Patriotic American™ like my grandpa. As a major city, the streets are never truly empty, but this early in the morning, traffic isn’t too bad. People are more likely to speed as a result. And that includes the hijacked bank truck, going… 80 kph? I think? I don’t know, it’s fast as hell. 

Good news, I’m fast as hell too. I’m matching a similar speed, able to keep up despite having to weave between the buildings of Downtown Seattle/Financial District. Bad news, everything else around me isn’t, hence not going my full speed while in Downtown Seattle/Financial District.

I mean, I’m actually pretty decent at this. That’s not bragging either; I’m one of the vanishingly rare lucky supers that didn’t need to take physical therapy for more than a few weeks to get the hang of not turning people into jelly. It all just kinda came naturally to me somehow ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ .

The radio signal chattered through my headphones, saying the perps had turned down a different street. Shit. I do what I can to turn, but momentum is a pain, and I have to somersault over several cars, vans, and at least one truck. God I wish I could fly. I mean, I can, but I’m a hazard when I do. 

Wait, that’s right! I can leap over buildings!

Chastising myself for not remembering earlier, I hop over a short building in the direction of the perps, but they make another nonsensical turn. What is with this route? It’s all over the place. WAIT. I think I know what they might be doing, but I need to check my phone’s map to make sure. Stopping myself when I land on the sidewalk this time, I pull off my head phones and-

“HELP!!!” 

My cat ears perk up at hearing someone scream for help. I wait a few seconds to hear it again, being able to tell me which direction it is. I turn my head to see a store being robbed. Looks like a group of mundies with guns. Well, that’s easy. Putting my phone back, I ran down the road and surprised them by taking their guns from their hands before they could even know I was there. Standing before them, holding their guns, I nod my head in their direction. They try to run, but I catch and tie them quickly. Tied up, I returned the money to the store employees as they called the police and thanked me. 

Awesome, now I can check the map to see-

“HELP!!!” 

Ok, uh, let me check. Radio chatter says guys are still just tearing up the financial district. The robbers aren’t particularly close to me, so, uh… Let’s see what that someone needs. Shit, someone is falling from the tower!

Ok, they need my help. I do the building jumping thing from earlier, but much gentler. When I reach them, I scoop the poor maintenance worker into my arms and bring them down to the ground as gently as I can. 

“There, you’re ok, right?” I say as I let go. The worker looked shaken for a few moments as they processed everything that just happened. 

As they got their bearings, I turned around, when “Can you take me back?” made me turn back and stare at the worker. 

“What do you mean?”

“Back to the tower, my boss is an ass and will chew me out for ‘leaving the premises.’” They said, using their fingers as mock air quotes as they said the last part. “And we are a pretty good distance from there?”

I nod in apologetic confirmation, picking them up again and running down the street towards the place, setting them down at an entrance. They stumbled towards the door with a quiet “Thanks.”

Cool, now I can check-

“HELP!!!”

Ffff- Ok, who is it now? What is it now apparently, as a fire bursts out of a nearby building as some elemental, lava man looking guy walked out, waves of heat distorting the air around him as he stared down some poor sucker. I couldn't quite make out what he was saying, but I got enough to know he wanted revenge. There was a lot of revenge lately as people finally started to get the hang of their powers.

With a sigh of resignation, I run down the street, beating the snot out of the lava guy enough to disorient him. As he stumbled backwards after his nose crunched, I ran to grab a fire hydrant, tearing the top off of it and turning it towards the guy, creating great heaps of steam as he was forcibly cooled. Next, I grab a metal beam of sorts that glowed orange from the building, wrapping it around the lava man, and making sure he is knocked out before I turn the fire hydrant to the building so it puts out the fire. 

Ok, now I can-

“HELP!!!”

Sure, this might as well happen, hope the robbers haven’t proven my guess right. Looking in the direction of the sound, I see that… No way. It’s the truck. Kick ass. I think as a grin spreads across my face. 

WAit shit it’s going to hit someone in the road. Working quickly, I grabbed them and got them out of the way with enough time to catch the- “My baby!” 

Ok, wait, let me get the baby stroller back to the mother. That done, I turned from the mother into the street to try and catch the truck when WHAM!!! the truck slammed into me due to me not paying attention, my body ragdolling up the windshield. I grab the top of the cabin on reflex, my fingers going through the metal like it was play-doh.

It takes me a moment to get my bearings enough to flip over, grabbing on with my other hand. Just then, the truck started moving. FAST. The wind whipped against me, my cheeks rippling from the force as my hair was forced back. I can see why dogs enjoy this. 

The truck swerved aggressively as it wove between the cars on the street. Probably equal parts them trying to get through traffic ASAP, and trying to get me off of the roof. I will admit, they're doing a decent job. Had I or the metal of the Truck been any weaker, I probably would've fallen off by now. 

Well, this has been an experience, but I got a job to do. I shimmied my way over to the passenger side as best I can, punching new finger sized holes into the metal as I do so. Finally on the side, I grabbed the door, and forced it open, pulling it off its hinges. “Please pull over, I–”

BLAM!!!

Ok, they have a shotgun. And while I'm bulletproof, there is still a great deal of crap that just flew into my eyes and mouth, all of it very unpleasant. I started to cough, my eyes watering as my body's automatic responses kicked in. It took me a solid few seconds to even realize that the one with a shotgun was kicking me, thinking that was going to get me to go.

Thoroughly done with this situation, I glared at them, my eyes still full of tears as I grabbed their head, slamming it into the dashboard hard enough to make them pass out. “Let me ask again. Pull over now–”

BLAM!!! 

I stared back at the driver, thoroughly unamused at his attempt to shotgun me a second time. “I like this hoodie. My mom got me this hoodie.” I stated in a flat, monotone voice as the wind further widened the tears in it. 

The driver, presumably in a fit of blind panic, sent the thing to its maximum speed, plowing through the concrete dividers and straight into the water. God fucking dammit. I only have a few seconds to think, and in my moment of blind panic, I brace myself against the back of the Truck's cabin, and I fly. 

Flying is such an odd sensation, like falling, except you know you’re in full control. The metal groaned as I pushed against it, doing everything I can to not be too rough. Unfortunately, I wasn’t trying hard enough, and I found myself going through into the back of the truck. I stopped flying immediately, and the truck began to hit the water in a wild and savage manner, water spilling through the lack of a door. Panicking, I grabbed both a comically cartoonish bag of money and the guy who shotgunned me earlier, hugging them tightly as the water came charging in. 

As the truck truly began to sink in earnest, its front falling towards the mud and rocks below before the rest of it followed. I work quickly to keep the bag and dead weight above the water as I march towards the back doors. Turning my back to them, I push back as hard as I can, breaking the doors as I and a massive bubble of air come rushing out. The distance between me and the surface was much shorter than I thought, as apparently we hadn’t gone very far from the shore.

As the truck continued to sink, a series of bubbles being the only thing that marked where it was, I paddle my way to shore, money bag held above the water while the perp's head rested on my shoulder. A pair of cops came my way as their colleagues arrested the driver. I was wondering what happened to him. 

“You with the robbers?” The closest one asked me.

“No.” I sighed as I reached the point where I could properly stand again, briny water coming off of me in streams that splattered. I was now cradling the bag in my arms as I set the perp on the rocks.

“You do realize you can’t keep that, right? You don’t get that kind of reward, especially since the bank is down one truck.”

“I don’t want to keep it, asshole!” I snapped maybe a bit too harshly, I opened the bag, pulling a little girl out of it. “She wanted to surprise her dad. I don’t remember which bank he’s at, but he’s got to be worried sick about her.”

I set the girl down as gingerly as I could. Poor thing was shaking like a leaf, though how much of that was nerves and how much of it was the cold, I had no clue. After a moment for her to get her bearings, she walked to the police officer that came running with a towel for her. 

I started to sit down on the sidewalk, its warmth welcome after my impromptu dip in the Sound. The first cop came and sat next to me. “So, apparently the robbers had a speedster working with them. They kept driving the way they did so they could rob as many banks as possible.”

Hearing that, a smile broke out across my face. "I sure hope somebody picks up that phone, because I fucking called it!"

[msclaritea]

"We need to know who are more vulnerable populations are that when these things roll up we are creating buffers to help prepare these students and have conversations with them," Tyler Keith, Licensed Clinical Social Worker at ThriveWorks said.

The work to help them continues after.

"When we don't talk about it, we're not protecting them," Keith said. "In fact, we're robbing them of the chance to actually learn how to handle the feelings."

School safety drills are required by North Carolina law.

"Parents or students that are upset about a spontaneous drill -- I would just encourage them to stop, take a breath and realize that we're not here to cause any undue harm or anguish for their student, or for that family," Maye said.

The students’ text messages we shared eventually told their families it was a drill. Maye encourages families or students who want to learn more about the process should reach out to the sheriff's department.

"Is there a few things we can tweak and work on to make it better? Absolutely. But when you're talking about that many people in one building, there's always going to be something that can be changed, but it lets us know exactly where we need to focus," Maye said"

THIS IS NOT NORMAL. None of this happened when I was a kid, because we had sensible gun laws. Industries are now making money off Child Trauma and School Safety drills, now. The argument that 'you can't keep guns away from bad guys, so arm good guys' is the biggest con. You can't really stop people from speeding, but they'll still usually get pulled over. You can't stop robbers from trying to rob a bank, but police still work to catch them.

[scarymonsters2222]

I was a professional thief for years. This is what made me stop.

Series

Part two

For years I was a full-time thief.

Being a thief isn't as glamorous or dangerous as Hollywood makes it out to be. I wasn't a big time thief. I wasn't tied to any criminal organizations. I didn't execute elaborate diamond heists or rob banks. I was a house burglar. A typical day's work would net me on average between two or three grand. On good days, I'd make more -- closer to six or seven grand -- and my record is about 100 grand.

Most people who break into houses get caught. But I was smarter about it. I planned carefully, and knew which targets to pick. I also had a friend in one of the biggest home security companies in the country -- that helped a lot. To be honest, I could've made more money working a 9-5. I was college educated after all. But I chose a different path.

I won't go into too much detail describing how I became a thief. It started as a temporary solution to a run of bad luck, a gambling addiction, and desperation. And once I started, it was just too easy to stop. But why I started isn't important. What's important is why I stopped.

It was a Friday night, and I was on my way to a job. I'd been tipped off by my security buddy, Rich. Rich was the only person who knew about my profession, and the only person who ever helped. He tipped me off, helped me get through alarms, and I gave him 20% of every score. As usual before a job, I called him to confirm we were good to go.

"So, it's on Bradford Court, right? End of the cul-de-sac?"

"That's the one," Rich's voice crackled into my ear from my cell phone. "The guy's on a business trip overseas. Think he's an accountant for some large firm or something. Shouldn't be back for a week. Lives alone, no pets."

"Perfect. He only has the basic security package, right?"

"Correct. Just use the key I gave you. Alarm will go off for a second. Just enter 9447 to disarm. Enter the code again on your way out to re-arm the system."

"Alright," I replied. "I'll call if anything comes up."

We were in business.

My GPS piped up suddenly, letting me know I needed to turn left at the next stop sign. I was in the neighborhood now. Typical upper middle-class suburbia. Neat lawns, the occasional basketball hoop in the driveway, mid-level cars and vans parked here and there. These neighborhoods were my favorite. Too rich, and the neighbors are all paranoid, have much nicer alarm systems, and constantly check on each other. Too poor and you have to worry about homeowner dogs and police cruisers driving by. You want the kind of neighborhood where people mind their own business.

I pulled up to the house a little after midnight. No neighbors were out. I walked up the driveway to the front door, pulled out the key Rich had provided, and opened it. The alarm went off, and I quickly entered the code, disabling it. I then got to work, heading to the dining room, the first room on the right.

"Nice," I whispered to myself, as I found an impressive set of antique sterling silverware displayed neatly on the credenza. There had to be nearly 100 pieces. I checked the back of one of the ladles -- GORHAM - STERLING it read. Jackpot. I carefully packed the $2000 case of silverware into my bag, and continued into the next room, which appeared to be the master bedroom.

The master bedroom was interesting. It was fairly plain, and looked much like a bachelor's room. The sleak, low bedframe with black sheets matched the wide dresser with recessed handles. "Probably from IKEA," I thought. I started digging through the dresser.

Nothing. Some middle-of-the-road designer menswear, but nothing special. Most people don't know that certain clothes can actually be worth quite a lot, secondhand. Banana Republic, EXPRESS, or Nordstrom? Forget about it. But if you find anything with Hermes, Brioni, Ralph Lauren Purple Label, or Armani on it, it can be worth some serious dough. Not yet giving up, I closed the dresser drawers and continued snooping.

In the wardrobe, something caught my eye. A firesafe. Sweet.

You see, unless you purchase a big, heavy, expensive safe, and get it bolted to the floor, people like me can probably get into it. If not, we just take it home. This was a cheaper Sentry model. Easy as pie. All I had to do was slam it on the ground at the right angle, and it'd open no problem. Luckily the neighbor's houses weren't too close, so I decided to take a crack at it.

It broke open on the second try, and I immediately saw dollar signs. Jewelry. This little safe was packed with jewelry. Earrings, necklaces, bracelets, rings, the whole nine. I picked up a couple and checked them. 18K. 14K. Lot's of K's. Sweet. There had to be at least 5 grand in gold weight alone in here. I was ecstatic. Most little firesafes are either full of important documents, or just empty. It was rare to find this much loot inside one.

It did strike me as odd, however, that this apparent bachelor had so much women's jewelry. "Whatever," I thought. Maybe they were family heirlooms.

As I continued searching the house, I found little more of interest. A nice watch. Some killer hi-fi speakers that were too big to carry out. I also found a Macbook Pro. Sounds exciting, but in my world they're small change. Hard to sell for what they're worth. I part them out usually. Not worth risking selling them whole on craigslist or eBay. Serial numbers can be traced too easily. But no one worries about a battery or logic board being stolen when shopping on the web.

Satisfied with the jewelry and silverware scores, I should've just left. But, let's be honest. I'm a thief. I let my greed get the best of me. Like a gambler who wins a slot jackpot and heads straight to the blackjack table, I headed straight to the only place I hadn't checked yet; the basement.

I descended gracefully down the creaky wooden stairs into an unfinished cellar. Strange that the upstairs was so tidy and neat. This place was the total opposite. Cobwebs all over the exposed ceiling, and unmarked boxes littered everywhere, mingling with old tools, appliances, and workout equipment.

Most thieves would shrug and leave after a quick look around, but I'm smarter than that. I've had some of my greatest finds in old boxes. Antique paintings, vintage tools (worth more than they look), computer parts. One time I even found a massive coin collection. I made about 4 grand from the coins alone that day. Anyway, I decided to start digging.

The first box I rummaged through was nothing special. Old family photos, some scrapbooks, awards, certificates, and the like. The second was filled with dusty winter clothes. Two down, a lot more to go.

The third box I opened up was confusing. It was full of young women's clothes. Panties, skirts, dresses, a few purses. None appeared to be the same size. Either this guy was a perve, or a serious lady's man.

As I continued the search, I found more and more boxes of women's clothing. What was this guy's deal? I was starting to get a little creeped out, and considered calling Rich to see if he knew any more about this guy, but decided to keep going.

The next box only made the feeling worse. Driver's licenses, wallets, purses. All female. Lots of them. Why the fuck did this guy have this stuff? It didn't make any sense.

Until I opened the next box. Then it started to make sense. Bloody clothes. Bloody rags. Locks of hair in all different colors and lengths. Shit. This guy was probably a murderer. Either that, or he had some strange kinks, I told myself. But fuck, all of this? Was I unknowingly in some kind of serial killer's lair?

I stopped searching and started to panic. This was real. The blood was real. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't call the cops, for obvious reasons. Or maybe I could, and just do it anonymously. They wouldn't tie me to any of this, would they? I'd been careful, just like I always was. Gloves. Beanie. Throwaway thrift store boots. Shit.

I tried to calm myself down. "There's got to be an explanation for this," I told myself, but it didn't help much. I went further into the basement, looking for evidence that this guy wasn't a murderer. Maybe he does have a weird fetish. Maybe the blood isn't from murdered victims.

As I continued to try to convince myself, I noticed it. In the far corner. A door. With a deadbolt on the outside.

With a terrible feeling in my gut, I unlocked the door and opened it slowly. Nothing could prepare me for what I saw next.

Behind the door was a small room. In the room was a dentist's chair -- a legit dentist's chair -- and next to it was a metal table. On the metal table were handcuffs, knives, and surgical instruments. The cement floor and walls were stained with what I can only assume to be blood. The smell was beyond putrid -- iron, decay, death...

I stood there in disbelief. Holy shit. I'd found a fucking serial killers lair. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." the words escaped my mouth automatically.

"Welcome to my home," a voice responded suddenly, from behind.

I spun around, startled. I hadn't heard anyone approaching. But standing there was a man with disheveled hair, and a pistol in his hand, grinning.

"But... You weren't supposed t--" I started to mutter, more to myself than anything.

"To be home?" he interrupted, his smile widening slightly. "Of course not. I was 'on a business trip overseas', right?" He formed comical quotations with his fingers as he said the words.

"What the fuck? What is this?" I stammered, stuck somewhere between primal fear and utter confusion.

"Well, I got tired of females, to be frank. I also got tired of hunting. So I thought to myself, why go kidnap my prizes when I can lure them to me?"

He chuckled calmly, and started walking towards me.

[mediocre-writerr]

safe and sound [jennifer jareau]

jennifer jareau x reader

requested by anon: Hi! I love your Criminal Minds fics and was wondering if I could make a request? Where JJ and reader are dating and it’s set during the season 7 finale where reader is the one who shot the robber and is the one who was taken instead of Will. JJ and reader reunite with a fluffy ending. 

*not my gif*

Kings and Queens. Jacks and Jokers. 

Sound familiar, right? When you hear that you think of the playing cards, not some bank robbers who have been robbing internationally. 

It was a bank robbery. Something that you have been reported to at least five times throughout your career, but this time it was different. The robbers known as the “Face Cards” have been robbing banks all over the DC area, only this time were you called onto the scene.

You and your partner Will were driving around on patrol when your police radio went off, “All units in the vicinity of Penn and Southeast, robbery in progress at Colonial Liberty Bank. Shots fired. Repeat, shots fired at the Colonial Liberty Bank. All units.”

Will and you looked at each other as you grabbed the radio, turning the steering wheel to make a U-turn, “426 responding,” 

Will flicked on the sirens as you started to pick up speed. The two of you finally parked on the side of the bank to prevent them from escaping through the side doors, “Better pull back and see if they respond-” Will was about to go on went a shot rang out and a bullet narrowly missed his head. 

“Shit! Cover!” you yelled. 

The two of you took behind the car as you fired at the man who tried shooting Will. The bullet ripping through the man’s shirt and through his shoulder. You watched as the other man began pulling him away from the door and back inside. 

You called for backup and not too long after JJ came running towards you, embracing you in a tight hug, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine, Will over here got pretty lucky,” you said with a smile on your face, patting his back. 

JJ scanned your face, her hands never leaving your cheeks. You grabbed a hold of her hands, pressing a kiss to the palm of them, “I’m okay, let’s just try catching these guys okay?” you whispered and she nodded letting out a sigh. 

Most of the day was spent talking to Chris as you all watched Oliver die. The only goal was to get the hostages out of there without anyone getting hurt, “No more feds. I want the cop who killed my brother,” you let out a sigh, placing your head in your hands.

You, Morgan, JJ, and Hotch all stood there in the van, “Well, I gotta go out there, don’t I?”

“No, absolutely not!” JJ exclaimed.

You looked at your girlfriend with a sad smile, “What other choice do we have?”

“Something! Anything else! They will shoot you the second you walk in, is that not running through your brain?!” she basically yelled.

Hotch and Morgan met your eyes and they took your face to give the two of you some space. Once they left, you looked at JJ and placed your hands on her waist.

She finally leaned in to your touch and placed her hands softly along your neck. You placed your forehead on hers as she sighed. You pressed your lips on hers, kissing her intensely. You wanted to show her how much you love her and care for her even if you’re about to run into a bank full of robbers who probably want you dead.

Once you pulled away, she noticed the determined look in your eyes, “No, no, no! You can’t do this! What about us? What about Henry?” 

“Four people are dead because I killed his brother,” I whispered. 

You pulled away from your short embrace, walking backwards towards the door of the van, “No please! Please don’t leave me!” she exclaimed, tears running down her face as she slid her back against the wall.

You wanted nothing more than to run up and hold her, but you knew that this needed to be done. So no one else could die for your mistakes. “I don’t have a choice baby,” you whispered again, “I love you and I love Henry. Remember that, always,” 

Hotch already knew what you were gonna choose, SWAT members hid behind the cop cars, already pointing their guns inside. You took a deep breath as you started to walk towards the bank. 

You could hear JJ’s screams as you slowly walked towards the bank, “Morgan! Let go of me! Y/N! Y/N stop!” 

You raised your hands up immediately, walking into the bank, “C’mon Chris, you got what you wanted. I’m here. Now please, let them go,” 

“You go,” Chris said, forcing a mom and her children out of there, “What’s your name?”

“Y/N Y/L/N,” you told him. 

There was no response from him as he just shot you twice. The bullets firing echoing throughout the entire building and outside. JJ scrambled in Morgan’s arms, her bright blue eyes widening, “No!” 

The team sat there in the van with JJ. All eyeing her like she was about to just explode. One wrong word would just cause her to go crazy, “Where were they shot?” she asked. Garcia just stared at her unsure of what to say, “Where were they shot?!” 

“I don’t know,” Garcia muttered. 

JJ picked up the stack of papers that were lying next to her and threw them at the wall of the van. Smacking her hands down onto the cool metal. Everyone just stared in shock, unsure of whether you’re alive or dead.

Luckily, he didn’t go for the kill shot.

You laid there as you could feel your body going cold. Your shoulder was bleeding out and the hostages who were helping you started to get a little blurry. 

All you could think about was JJ and Henry. The way Henry would run up to you when you’d go over to their house and hug you tightly. 

Or the nights where both you and JJ were off, Henry would lie in the middle of you as a movie played. Eventually, Henry would fall asleep cuddled up next you. Then JJ’s lazy arm would wrap the both of you. Once you made sure they were both sleeping soundly, you’d wrap your arms around both of them safely and securely. 

“I need to cause a distraction while you guys get out of here,” you told the man, who was applying pressure to your wound, “But I need you to tell my girlfriend Jennifer and her son Henry that I love them so much and I’m sorry,” 

The rest of the time you spent at the bank was a little fuzzy. You were more focused on trying to get Chris to turn on the woman and trying not to pass out from blood loss, than anything else. 

Before you knew it there was an explosion and you were just getting pushed into a car. The whole car ride, you focused your breathing, trying your hardest to stay awake. 

The only thing keeping you going were JJ and Henry. What you would do just to hold them one last time. 

Your thoughts came to an abrupt stop when you arrived at a fire station. The fireman helped patched you up much to Izzy’s choice. You watched as she shot him multiple times before sneaking into the firehouse to grab you a change of clothes. 

“You didn’t have to kill him,” you muttered.

“He was a witness, he needed to go,” she shot back without an ounce of remorse. 

Then the next thing you know you were transported back to the car. Everything was going fine or well okay for being a hostage to two psychopaths. Until Izzy just started opening fire on Chris.

“Well Detective Y/L/N, take Chris out of the car and get in the passenger seat. We’re going on a little drive,” she told you, the gun pointed straight at you, “Stop here,” she muttered after a little bit.

The backdoor opened to reveal the Joker himself. He was the former Marine who helped keep pressure on your wound. Your eyes widened slightly at the sight before ultimately remaining your composure.

“Hey Y/N!” he patted your wounded shoulder and you tried your absolute hardest not to wince, “Sorry, forgot about that,” 

“Drive,” she said again.

“Where?” 

“Take me to see your son,” Izzy said and you shook your head. Henry wasn’t your sign biologically, but the longer you and JJ dated the longer it felt like he was. Like your entire life he was actually yours, “I said, drive!” 

You took a deep breath in before driving towards JJ’s house. The drive was tense as your knuckled turned white from gripping the steering wheel too hard. You just hoped and prayed to whatever type of God there was that they could keep Henry safe. 

JJ would be able to get over the loss of you, but the loss of Henry. That’s a different kind of loss she’ll never be able to survive. 

You finally parked across the street. You smiled softly at the sight of Henry playing in the front with Miss Kate and her daughter. 

“He’s a cutie,” Izzy told you and your smile quickly faded, “Looks a lot like Jennifer. Where’s the hospitality Y/N? Come on introduce me!” 

You got out of the car slowly walking up to the house, “Y/N!” Henry yelled, running towards you as he wrapped his arms around your legs. 

You crouched down so his tiny arms can wrap around your neck. You held him tight and close, sucking in a deep breath. Just for a moment, you were transported back to one of your favorite parts of the week. Just for a moment, he was safe in your arms.

Until he wasn’t. 

You told Miss Kate that it was okay to go as Izzy followed you into JJ’s home. Once Henry ran off to grab some toys, you turned your head and looked straight at her, “You touch my kid and I will kill you!” you said with teeth gritted.

Izzy clicked her tongue to the roof of her mouth, making a tsk noise, “Now do you remember the deal Y/N? You touch me and both you and Jennifer die. Who’s gonna take care of Henry then?” 

“Y/N! Come play with me!” he exclaimed, running back in.

You crouched down again, ruffling his blonde hair, “I would love to, but I can’t right now buddy. You see, I have to go back to fighting bad guys, okay? Izzy over here is gonna take care of you until mommy comes home,” you could feel the tears start stinging your eyes as you tried to stop them from falling.

“So you’re gonna be a good boy for Izzy, okay? Listen to everything she says, okay?” you ask him

“Okay,” he replies innocently. 

“One more thing bud,” you pull him close to you as you hug him tightly, “I know I am not your mom or dad, but I love you so much. Did you know that?” 

He nods and you smile softly, “I will never let anything hurt you. Everything is going to be okay,” 

“Everything will be okay,” he mumbled back, “I love you Y/N,” 

You sniffled, “I love you too buddy,” 

You take a deep breath and back away from him. Before you walked out of the house, you looked Izzy dead in the eye, pushing your shoulder against hers on the way out. 

You sung open the car door before slamming it shut, “What the fuck do you want?!” you asked. 

“Woah, easy tiger,” Matthew told you, “You’re going to listen to everything I say. If you as dare mutter the two lettered word, your boy is as good as gone. Or should I say Jennifer’s boy is as good as gone because he’s not yours. He will never be your own kid,” 

Matthew made you drive to the train station where he strapped a bunch of bombs to your chest and chained you up like you’re some random zoo animal. Then he ran, like the coward he is, he ran. 

You thought you were as good as gone. But that didn’t matter to you. All that mattered to you was that Henry was safe. He was stuck with the psychopath that is the quote on quote “Queen”. 

Just when all hope was lost Prentiss came running in, “I found Y/N!” 

She ripped the duct tape off your mouth, “Izzy’s got Henry. Forget about me! Make sure Henry’s safe, please!” 

“JJ’s there right now. She’s gonna keep him safe,” Emily tried calming you down, “I’m not leaving your side, I’m gonna get you out of here so you can be with your family,” 

Emily was panicking as she tried to find a way to keep you from blowing up into bits. She punched in one passcode and it beeped, showing that she only had two tries left. 

You shook your head, knowing that in a minute you’ll be gone, and Emily could not be here to be included in the damage.

“Emily, just go. Get everyone out of here,” you pleaded.

She shook her head, “No, I told you you’ll get to be with your family and that’s what’s going to happen. I’m not going to leave you,” 

When she finally unlocked the code, another box opened. 30 seconds flashing and taunting you. This is how long you have left live. 

“Emily, tell JJ that I love her and that I’m sorry,” you whispered, “Now leave please! There’s still a chance that you could save yourself so go!” you screamed. 

She sat there looking at the wires before out of nowhere without speaking she just cut one, “What the fuck?!” you exclaimed, shutting your eyes close.

After a couple seconds, nothing happened. You opened one eye and looked down at the timer. It stopped. You let out a breath and an empty laugh, leaning your head against the pole.

“Emily, I love you and I love that you’re JJ’s best friend. But let me just say, I did not think we’d get this close to where I trust you with my life...literally!” you joked and she let out a soft chuckle.

“Let’s get you to your family,” she told you.

As soon as the bomb squad came to disarm you, you wrapped your arms around Emily, pulling her into a tight hug, “Thank you,” 

“Of course,” 

You were finally discharged from the hospital after a couple hours. Rossi reassured JJ that she could stay home with Henry and that he’ll drive you to the house. She was hesitant at first, but Rossi basically forced her to stay home.

Rossi parked in front of JJ’s patting your shoulder softly, “Enjoy your time off,” he joked.

“Oh trust me, I will,” you fired back and the two of you let out a hearty laugh.

You walked into the house slowly. Henry’s little voice echoing throughout the foyer was like music to your ears, “Y/N! You’re back!” he yelled.

You kneeled down as he made a bee line towards your arms with your arm that wasn’t in a sling, you hugged him tight. Even with one arm you could tell that he was struggling to breathe at how tight you were hugging him.

“I am! Did you pick out a movie tonight?” you asked, raising your eyebrows up at him.

“Yup!”

“Which one did you pick?” you asked and he showed you the DVD case of Shrek 2, “Nice choice bud!”

You looked up to the sound of footsteps to see JJ walking towards the two of you, “How about you brush your teeth and change into your PJ’s and me and your mom we’ll get the bed and movie all set up? How does that sound?” 

“Great!” he replied with a big smile.

“Great!” you responded, ruffling his hair, pulling him into another hug, “I love you,” you whispered to him.

“I love you too,” he told you before running off. 

You stood back up to face JJ. At first she looked angry before her anger turned to sadness. You took her into your arm as she buried her face into your neck, “It’s okay,” you whispered, “Everyone’s safe. I’m safe, Henry’s safe, you’re safe. We’re okay,” 

JJ took your face into her hands, running circles on your cheekbones, “I know Henry’s not biologically mine, but he means the world to me Jay. I wasn’t going to let anything bad happen to him,” 

“You’re just as much as a parent as I am,” she whispered.

“But he’s not mine,” you told her. 

“Then let’s change that, Y/N Y/L/N, marry me. We’ll get married in front of all of our friends and family. Henry will be your son, blood or not. And I will be your wife,” JJ whispered.

You smiled at her softly, “You know, I always wanted a wife and son,” you whispered to her.

“So is that a yes?” she asked.

“In every single language,” you murmured, pressing your lips upon hers. 

You and JJ stood there for a minute, just relishing in each other’s embrace. Your lips moving in sync. When all of a sudden you hear a little, “Ewwwww,” 

The two of you pulled apart and you saw Henry all dressed up in his Captain America pajamas, “Who are you ‘eww-ing’ Mr?” you asked him and he giggled as he ran away from you.

You immediately ran after him, JJ yelling after you, “Y/N! Be careful of your arm!” 

Henry squealed as you picked him up with your one healthy arm, spinning him around the bedroom before dropping him onto the bed. You crashed in your usual spot next to him as JJ put on the movie. 

You felt Henry’s little arm wrap around your body and once his grip loosened you knew he was asleep. Your eyes glanced over to JJ who was sleeping safe and soundly, her chin resting on top of Henry’s blonde head of hair. 

You sighed contently, as you turned on your side, wrapping your arms around the two of them. Henry’s head close to your chest as your forehead rested on top of JJ’s. 

Just for a moment, everything was right where it needed to be.

[magnumdays]

PI 4.16 - Evil Walks Softly review

This week was very serious. And sure the premises; a bomb going of that’s for serious, but it was serious in tone too. Which Magnum often isn’t. I mean even poisoned Magnum was cracking jokes. No jokes in this one. Magnum and Higgins were just 100% focused on the case (well Magnum was having some guilty-sad-regret-y feeling about his mom too). Which I liked but made the episode feel a bit different from normal.

I love that it got us the end scene which kept that tone but let us get a little bit more insight to what Magnum was thinking and feeling through-out as well as giving us soft Higgy. Both of which I’m here for.

I mean… Juliet not only saying yes to staying for beers, being all feelings=not running away but also a comforting hand squeezes?

How could I not be here for it?

Is just so nice when they have end of case/episode moments and talks.

Side plot wise… while they are helping out at the disaster site TC gets to make things right with fire fighter lady he ghosted a year+ ago.

It too felt really both funny and serious because Rick and Kumu are so amused but TC was clearly feeling bad about it even after a long time and was super awkward. It was a bit of a random thing to throw in too, she super stunning and seems cool (fire fighter!!!) though so I guess I’m not complaining.

Especially as she did agree to go out with him again. Wait? Are they’re pairing everyone up this season? Why does this make me worried? Like are they scared they’re not getting a season 5 and wants to give everyone HEA? (Also why does HEA always require a BF/GF?)

The case this week…well, I guess it was interesting. I like cases where the person in question really can’t got to the police because they have (or in this case that someone they love have) done something slightly shady.

Magnum and Higgins once more think it’s a good idea to lie to Gordon and get chewed out for it…

(But he forgives them, as always. I mean they so pretty I’d forgive em too…)

Bad guy being the neighbor using the kid to rob a bank and threatening his mom felt like a bit obvious. I mean, not the robbing a bank part, but because no one else was introduced in his life as a possible red herring it was him or no one. I guess better obvious than totally out of nowhere random stuff though.

This scene where Rider is all confess-y when Bad Guy (who was threatening to kill his mom) was right there cozying up to her, well, I think just maybe-just maybe a slightly unstable mourning teen whose just been through some serious shit would have said or lashed out or done something. But maybe not. Maybe he was sure it would all go wrong and his mom would die, so he confessed. That might have made sense to a teen brain as well… (Or was just more convenient for him not to speak up… because Magnum and Higgins needed to solve the case and save the day.)

Anyhow, the solving of case was not really the focus, it was all about saving the kid even if it was from his own actions and words. But I liked it. I felt pretty bad about it all. At least they got the bad guys and hopefully a lawyer got Rider some sort of deal.

Least favorite part of the episode was the start; Higgins run with Maleah. IDK but to me it felt very disjointed from the rest of this serious episode, also while it’s funny with Juliet going “why is everyone shipping us these days” those are def. not words I imagine coming out of Juliet Higgins mouth.

Further there was no real call back to anything related to their little chat, which just made it feel strange… I guess someone just wanted to have the line “We gotta talk about Miggins…” in an episode and they’re building up to something Miggy for the finale so they’re add little bits like this in. But I mean for as much as we got out of the interaction, we could have had Maleah asking Juliet for tips on yoga studios or new computers or healthy smoothie recipes!

(If she had show might have finally passed the Bechdel test… because I’m frankly not sure we have and it’s been 4 seasons, but I could be wrong maybe we have some scene with Kumu and Higgy or a client and Higgy talking about something not to do with a guy?)

Juliet not giving an inch or sharing any of her actual thoughts or feels was in character though. And it was fun. BUT it would have fit better in another episode IMHO.

Or if there had been some little call back to Kumu asking Maleah “how’d it go?” “my ass is sore” and Kumu going “not that part” and then Maleah smiling and the scene ending, so it’s hinted that Kumu is the one to have pushed her to ask. Because does Maleah spend enough time around Magnum and Higgins to notice? Maybe… it’s pretty obvious at this point.

Anyways, this despite the banter (?) with Maleah and spending the whole case together and then having a moment there at the end (still smiling about the whole “my mom would have really liked you”) this was not an overly Miggy episode to me.

Like even when she stays for beers, it’s not actually (as much as I’d like it to be) her being ready to take a step forward in their relationship. It’s her seeing that her friend and partner is hurting and wanting to stay for him, to comfort him and help him. At least that’s how I read it. It was still a super nice moment and shows how much she’s grown even in just like the past year when it comes to reading his feelings.

So, low on the UST in this but high on the BFF/best partner energy and this is why they’re my OTP. I love them just as much when they’re just being there for each other as we’re they’re giving each other fuck me eyes for 42 minutes (I mean there is one or two hungry eyes in this too, but not nearly as many as some episodes).

Looking forward to 4.17 but also sad because dang, we only got what? 4 episodes to go? But my birthday is the 31th so I’m going to pretend 4.17 is a special late birthday gift to me and thus very much worth waiting for!

[mindofharry]

can we get a blurb where y/n gets caught up in a robbery situation and she is hurt by defending herself and harry saves her and she finds out he is a vampire?

TW: GUNS, ROBBERY, RUDE FUCKING PEOPLE AND SAD HARRY ARE MENTIONED! PLEASE DO NOT READ IF GUNS OR ANYTHING ELSE LIKE THAT TRIGGERS YOU <3

Y/N didn’t want to go to the bank today.

She had set an alarm the night before, as a reminder because she had kept forgetting or putting the trip off. She just hates going to the bank, so many mansplainers, rude people and having to wait in line? Not for Y/N. But since living with harry, he’s kept her on top of things. He’s organised and has a schedule, so he convinced Y/N to go to the bank early this morning.

“I don’t wanna” Y/N moaned turning over to cuddle more into harry, he was freezing cold but Y/N still loved having his arms around her. It made her feel so safe.

Harry kissed her forehead and chuckled to himself. “You’ll feel so much better after you do it. And then it’s done, don’t have to worry about it for another few months” Harry said and Y/N sighed looking up at her boyfriend.

“You’re annoying, you know that?” She said and harry rolled his eyes pecking her lips.

“Go. Don’t wanna be late”

And so Y/N had a shower, did her make up and got dressed and promised harry she’d get him some waffles from the diner down the street on the way home. She had a bad feeling, like a gut feeling something was going to happen — but Y/N just past it off as nerves and got in the car. The drive was fast and quiet, something she definitely needed before going in there.

She parked the car quickly and got her purse heading into the bank. There was a few people waiting in line, but she knew she wouldn’t be here long.

“How can i help—“

Shots rang out and Y/N was pushed to the floor by a guy behind her. Her chest was filled with anxiety and she didn’t want to open her eyes. The guy now holding her hand pulled her behind a desk and they both hid together. He was young, around Y/N’s age. He looked incredibly scared. Y/N nodded to herself taking her phone out of her pocket, as the guy in front of her rang 911.

“Baby?”

“Har” She sobbed into the phone, harry shot up from where he was sitting. Niall was at the house with him too having some coffee. Niall could hear the conversation and the sobbing, he stood up with harry too placing a hand on Harry’s shoulder.

“Baby, calm down. What’s happened? Are you hurt?” Harry asked placing a hand on his hip.

“Someone’s trying to rob the bank. A guy beside me has rang the police, but they’ve got guns harry. They’re gonna kill us” Y/N sobbed and harry nodded at niall to get the keys.

“You stay right where you are, ok? I love you”

And soon enough Niall and Harry were there outside the bank.

And then they were inside the bank.

And then they were attacking the men.

Harry spotted Y/N under a desk, but didn’t look her in the eyes. He compelled the man to forget about this whole thing, while niall did the same with the other witnesses.

“You’re a—“

“Vampire? Yeah”

“I knew it!”

[giorno-plays-piano]

Money, Money, Money Part 1

Pairing: mob!Bucky Barnes x Reader, slight Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings: lots of swearing, silly drunk mobs, mentions of alcoholism, parody, Peter is adult, is this a crack fic??

Words: 2578.

Summary: When Steve finds out somebody has stolen their money, Bucky realizes he has to take his ass off the leather couch in his office, finally.

P.S. This is my first attempt to write humor and I’m sorry in advance for everything I’ve written here 😅

_________________

“BITCH, DID I STUTTER WHEN I SAID TO KEEP THAT SAFE CLOSED AT ALL TIMES?”

Allyson massaged her temples softly and let out a groan: if Mr. Rogers continued to yell like that, he would definitely choke soon. This morning he had been pretending to be the death, vengeance and fury, ready to kick the ass of her immediate superior, James Barnes, who acted like he was deaf, unable to pull himself from the couch where he slept after getting drunk as a fish last night. Oh, poor Bucky. Apparently, he fucked things up again if Mr. Rogers stormed into his office like he was getting chased by a 200-pound dog.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, you son of a...” glancing at a pouting man-child with a three-day beard, Steve covered his face with his palm and let out an exasperated sigh, “... respectable woman who would die of shame if she saw you now!”

“Come on, Stevie,” the man yawned, finally moving his huge, muscular body up to sit instead of just laying on the couch since he felt a little guilty Steve was getting all riled up while he just chilled, “why so serious? Yeah, somebody took a bit of cash from the safe, it’s not a big deal.”

Allyson heard everything as if they were speaking right in front of her - Bucky was a real Mr. Cheapo who didn’t want to rent an office with decent walls - and quickly closed her ears, wishing she had taken her earplugs today. Her boss just made a grave mistake, and now both of them were going to pay for it with their eardrums.

“NOT A BIG DEAL? NOT A BIG DEAL, YOU MASSIVE BAG OF DOUCHE?! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY WAS THERE, HUH?! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THOSE MONEY WERE FOR?!”

Seriously, she considered getting a new job, but these free daily standup shows were both tiring and so fucking funny she was afraid she might wet her seat.

“Oh my fucking God, Bucky, I swear I’ll kill you, I’ll... no, I have a better idea!” Steve gave his best friend a dirty look. “I’ll call your uncle. Yeah, you know which one. He’ll be sooo happy to take you drunk ass to jail and then give your mama a call. I bet she has a cure for both your attitude and alcoholism.”

“You wouldn’t do that!”

Suddenly realizing the danger he was in, Bucky quickly got up, almost falling to the floor but holding on the leather chair in the very last second. When Steve talked about calling his uncle, a chief of police of the neighboring town where his whole family lived, it meant things were going bad. Real bad.

“Bucky, it was the part we were going to invest into Pierce’s casino. I have to take it to him tomorrow morning. TOMORROW FUCKING MORNING, DO YOU HEAR ME, YOU STINKING DRUNK?”

“I’m drunk but not deaf, Steve!”

“Oh my God, I’m driving you to a rehab, go gather your stuff right now!”

Allyson sighed, getting up and proceeding to choose the most beautiful cup to fill it with fresh coffee: when their conflicts escalated to threats, it meant her boss would soon start to sweet-talk, apologizing to his best friend and promising to sober up and get things right. Every time she felt like Mr. Rogers would really do something to Bucky, the guy used his natural charisma and charm and got away with anything by just reminding Steve how he fought for his best friend in the dark alleys when Rogers was a sick, skinny kid. It worked every damn time.

There they were again, talking about same things with Bucky swearing on his mother’s life that he will find the money and bring it back to Steve. Usually it meant the threats were coming to an end, and soon Mr. Rogers would open the door and come out red as a lobster, breathing heavily as if he just ran a marathon. There he would see her with a cup of nice coffee with cream and two spoons of sugar just like he preferred, gladly accepting it and saying nobody understand him but her. Then Allyson would smile compassionately, listen to his small talk before he went out the office, and wait until her grumpy boss would fall out the room, reeking alcohol, and ask her what the fuck had happened yesterday.

After that in a couple of minutes things would finally settle down, and Allyson would have a chance to give a call to her best friend.

_______________________________

Your day couldn’t start better: you had finally received your Amazon order - hooray to the stupid makeup tools you would use, like, once a year - and even watched your favorite Netflix series with a cup of a fragrant coffee with marshmallows because it was Sunday and you were finally free from both work and cleaning the apartment. It felt so nice to just do absolutely nothing, laying on your couch with a piece of pizza in your hand. Seriously, even a workaholic like you had to do it more often.

Your lazy morning was interrupted by Peter, a sweet college student who was getting into troubles more often than a drunk in a local bar: you seriously considered calling him Harry Potter after you found him half-naked with a scratch on his forehead standing in the corridor of your building and holding a broom. To protect himself from bullies, he said, by the look on his face you could tell it was as good as a magic wand against 6"4 ft tall guys, seriously.

Since he rented an apartment with other unlucky nerds who had zero skills how to survive in this cruel world, you ended up nearly baby-sitting Peter, patching him up after he was getting in a fight and lending him some money time after time when he struggled to pay rent or buy food. His parents were elderly people with income below average, but they still did whatever they could to give him an education, so you decided to give the guy a hand.

Now that baby was standing in front of you, lit up like a Christmas tree, with a bouquet of wonderful pink roses, big box of hand-crafted chocolates and a whole bag of what looked like some very fine food, even a bottle of champagne clinking inside.

"Good morning, Fairy Godmother! I came to bring back what I owe you!" His smile was a mile wide when he looked at your face, happy to the point he couldn't stand still, dancing like those Duracell rabbits in the tv ad.

"You're up early, Cinderella."

You yawned, laughing when you saw the guy pouting at the nickname you gave him - tf he expected for calling you Fairy Godmother?

"Don't stand there, come in."

When he actually handed you the flowers and chocolates, giving you a quick peck on the cheek shyly, you froze, finally realizing he brought all this for you. Wait, what? Where the heck did he get so much money to buy that expensive stuff? You thought he was helping his other neighbor who was planning to finally propose to his girlfriend. Perplexed to the point you nearly missed that peck, you blinked at tomato red Peter.

"Please don't tell me you robbed your 90-year-old paralytic professor."

"Why don't you ask if I robbed a bank?" He pouted again, putting the bag on the floor and getting a hundred dollar banknote out of his old leather wallet. "I actually came to thank you for everything you've done for me. And I didn't rob anyone! I got a real job!"

"Real job?" You eyed him curiously. "But don't you already have a job in delivery?"

"Pfft, you can't call it a job. It was getting one nasty smelling pizza from one place to the other while looking miserable."

You barely held your laugh, leaving the bouquet and chocolates on the side table and rubbing guy's back. Poor Peter, nobody was giving him a hand - while you couldn't question people's decision since the guy wasn't the most reliable one, it was still a shame he wasn't treated decently as if all of them weren't young and careless once.

Wait, but who on Earth gave him such a well-paid job all of a sudden? He must have spent hundreds of dollars on the bouquet, chocolates, food and champagne, not even counting those 100 dollars he owed.

Oh God.

"Please don't tell me you're working for some shady business." You looked at him in horror, your hand flying to your mouth. "Peter, is it Tony's band?!"

"Jesus woman, why would I work for some stupid mob." The guy rolled his eyes, and you sighed in relief, not knowing what to except from this trouble on two skinny legs. “I’m telling you, it’s nothing bad! I just have to keep it a secret before I get a contract. Once I figure it out, I’ll explain everything, I swear!”

“Alright, alright, don’t stress over it, I’m not your Ma.” Smirking, you went to take a square glass vase you hadn’t use in ages, filling it with water to drop the bouquet inside. “Let’s celebrate it, then! Woah, careful there, give me that bottle until you drop it on my clean floor, I’ve been scrubbing it for hours yesterday!”

_______________________

Bucky still felt like Steve was making too much of a big deal out of it: obviously, it was Tony who went to him at night when Bucky was already drunk like a monkey, celebrating the birth of Clint’s daughter. Nobody else had the courage to steal from him, Steve’s right hand, an ex-soldier who had a reputation of a man killing with the first punch. Not that Bucky ever killed anybody, actually being a ex-trumpet in an army band...

Anyway, the man was heading over to Stark’s Tower, a motel where he and all his guys lived when his wife Pepper was out of town. Pepper had definitely been out of town lately since Tony didn’t call: when she was coming back, Steve and Tony were having a two-day truce with nobody getting in a fight because it was making Mrs. Stark upset, and when she was upset, both Steve and Tony didn’t risk getting out of their holes to face this enraged blonde woman who could make anyone wet themselves with one her glance. If there were anyone killing with just one punch in the town, it got to be Pepper.

As he got closer in his Cadillac that looked like it went through fire and water before being sold to Bucky, Barnes stared at the motel suspiciously: it was strangely quiet with everyone hiding inside, not a man guarding the motel’s entrance. What the hell happened? Tony loved showing off, pretending he ruled over the town, and he would definitely act like a king after stealing Steve’s and his money. It was unbelievable Bucky so nobody welcoming him with a smirk.

Hoping he didn’t use all that money for emptying a liquor store, Bucky parked the car and went to the motel, dying to have some beer: one heartless blonde boss of his emptied his fridge.

“Oh, more drinking partners returning to continue the fun, huh?”

Bucky froze immediately, staring at Pepper who stood in the doorway with a face of an iron maiden. Jesus fucking Christ. She returned to the city way before Tony told him, and it was clear she found him not in the condition she expected to. While Bucky considered whether it was better to run, Tony’s head appeared somewhere behind his wife, and Barnes saw Tony was as drunk as him, if not even more. He could see a huge blue mark from Pepper’s heavy hand on Stark’s cheek.

“Who’s that, honey?” The man asked innocently, earning an enraged glance from his wife, and Bucky thought he should have run. “Hi, Buck! Come on in, it’s ok if you didn’t bring beer even if I asked twice.”

Oh. Something was going on. Of course, Bucky could rat the man out immediately, telling Pepper he wasn’t drinking with Tony yesterday’s night, but he wasn’t such a heartless bastard - by the look on Stark’s face Barnes could see his sweet blonde wifey would beat poor Tony to death with her Dior handbag.

“Sorry, I blacked out for a couple of hours in my car.” He mumbled, bowing his head in respect. “Pepper, such a pleasure to see you.”

“Come on in, alcoholic.” Her gaze was heavy, and Bucky shivered a little, carefully leaving his shoes near the door and scurrying away to the coach where Tony sat, nervously biting his fingers. “Well, do you wanna tell me something, huh? How many hookers have you brought here yesterday?”

Glancing to Tony and back to Pepper, Barnes suddenly realized his frenemy had been so drunk he had no hecking idea whether somebody really brought hookers to the motel - it was a total taboo, but once they got drunk they could barely control themselves. Once they literally woke up to a Santa Claus singing Jingle Bells in the tub in the middle of June because Tony missed Christmas.

Of course, Stark would never slip up the night before Pepper was coming back to town, but, apparently, she didn’t stay with her mom for as long as she planned, and Tony was royally fucked.

“I’ve asked you a question.”

And now Bucky was, too, if he didn’t think of something quick. Of course, he could tell her the truth, but it meant losing Tony completely, and Barnes didn’t want that. A real mafioso should have at least one strong enemy, right?

“I’m sorry, Pepper, but I don’t think there were any hookers here last night.” He said, carefully choosing words. “You see, first, Tony never allows us to. Second, we’re good Christians. We would never invite some hookers when we celebrated the birth of Clint’s daughter!”

As he got silent, enjoying the effect his words were having on Pepper, Bucky looked at the man sitting to his right, watching Tony’s eyes watering: it was definitely God himself who sent Barnes his way that morning, saving his from near death. Nothing would work better than this excuse. Clint and all Bucky’s guys were so drunk to the point they barely remembered what had happened, and it would be easy to convince them Tony and his gang came to see Barnes for something and ended up staying with all of them.

Besides, there was a nice bonus Bucky could add to make it work even better.

“By the way, Clint named her Natasha. That’s also the name of your mom, right?”

By the look on Tony’s face the man realized he was ready to sing.

“How did he know my mom’s name?” Pepper eyed Steve’s right hand distrustfully, but he could tell she was less irritated.

“Oh, you know, he and his wife couldn’t choose the name, so we started saying whatever names we knew, and Tony mentioned Natasha.”

For a second Bucky thought Stark was going to kiss him through excess of joy.

When he finally left the motel, getting his pack of beer given him by lovely Pepper who changed the anger to mercy, Tony ran out of the house after him, giving him a pat on the shoulder and whispering quietly, “I own you one, brother.”

Bucky sighed. Stark didn’t take the money.

______________

Tags: @finleyjayne​​ @alexakeyloveloki​​ @helenaeisenhower​​ @villanellevi​​ @hurricanerin​​ @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @chris-evans-indian-fanfic​ @navegandoaciegas​ @rosalynshields​ @brattycherubwrites​ @sllooney​ @angrythingstarlight​ @lookiamtrying​ @buckysbunny​ @soleil-dor​ @stargazingfangirl18​ @dillybuggg​ @literate-lamb​ @cosicas-cuquis​ @sarge-barnes-sir​ @buckybarnesplumwhore​ @jaysayey​ @megzdoodle​ @gotnofucks​ @lux-ravenwolf​ @iheartsebandchris​ @ximebebx​ @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123​ @sourpatchspinster​

[vetlan]

Summary: Nothing says "Impromptu Darkwing Duck Reunion" like being arrested for something a group of lookalikes did, and then being bailed out by a… Darkwing Duck cosplayer? Fanboy? Well, there were odder things that happened in relation to that cursed show.

Characters Present: Megavolt ( Actor ), Quackerjack ( Actor ), Liquidator ( Actor ), Bushroot ( Actor ), Darkwing Duck ( Drake Mallard )

Notes: The Actors are named after the original Voice Actors! Also this isn’t meant to make much sense, I just sat down today and chose violence, and by violence I meant a “short” humor fic based on the idea of the old actors seeing their villain alter-egos on the news. Serisouly how did this turn into writing almost 5k words in one day...

---

Dan Rattus-Sphynx was having a bad day, but not a terrible one. He was stuck in traffic on his way home after a long day at work, thinking on the cold tv-dinner he'd be indulging in while wondering what was causing the hold up -- unfortunately, if he'd been listening to the news on the radio, he would've been tipped off to the one fact that was about to turn his bad day into a terrible one: the old cast of Darkwing Duck was to be brought in for questioning. After Jim Starling's little explosive breakdown, when mirror-perfect images of the old actors started looting and terrorizing the city, the mayor wanted to take no chances.

And maybe then he wouldn't have laughed and asked the cops if they were a fan of his work as Megavolt -- he was pretty sure now, sitting in his cell, that they took that the wrong way.

He was the first to be apprehended.

Next came Michael Peckbell, once known as the actor behind Quackerjack, who was embarrassingly enough, arrested in a clown costume. Dan genuinely tried to hide his snickering as the old clown jingled miserably into the cell, done arguing for his innocence. It is only after he threw a dirty look at Dan that he recognized who he was sharing a cell with, and his annoyance turned to recognition and then confusion, head tilting to the side and making his hat jingle.

"Wait, why are you here?"

"Same reason you are, I guess… There's a warrant for our arrest because some lookalikes decided to rob banks while cosplaying as our old Darkwing Duck roles."

"No, seriously, Dan, why are we here? I was at a brat's blasted birthday party when these BRUTES went and tackled me!" Hands on his hips, Michael didn't look particularly amused as he tapped his foot, and Dan tried his best not to get short with the ex-actor turned party clown.

"Hey, I am serious! It's all they're showing on the news, I got taken while driving home! Wait, shh, do you hear that--" "Oh no, you're not shutting me up--" "I'm serious serious Mike, listen!"

Holding the duck's beak shut, which earned him another dirty look, Dan shuffled them closer to the holding bars so that they could listen to the news from the dingy little tv at the start of the holding cells corridor. Seriously, couldn't they turn the volume up a little? Luckily, as if hearing his silent wish, they do turn the sound up.

"... we interrupt this segment to bring an update on the current string of robberies and break-ins that have been plaguing St. Canard to inform that massive plant growths are starting to block off city exits, we strongly recommend that you resist fleeing the city and instead head home where it is safest -- ah, I am now getting reports of streets being flooded! Again, stay indoors and do not head out until further instructions! Your city's law enforcement is currently working with Darkwing Duck to apprehend the criminals behind this!"

"Oh quack, actual super villains, we're doomed!" A wailing voice can be heard from the front of the police station, paired with a stern: "GET IT TOGETHER, they have Darkwing Duck on the case!" The commotion paired well with the confused and genuinely taken aback look Dan and Mike shared.

"Drkwng dck?!" Mike tries to get through his beak, then realizing Dan was still holding it shut and slapping the hand away. Probably for the best right there, as that exclamation would've been much louder otherwise. "Has the world gone cuckoo? He's fiction! We're fiction! Well, not us, we're not fiction, but the characters we played! They can't be serious, this why we're here? Hah! Give me a break!" The party clown jumps on the cell bars, shaking the door and making a ruckus, refusing to believe a single thing he's heard: "Ha! Ha! Ha! Very funny, now let us out!" Each 'laugh' is punctuated by a vigorous shake and increased irritation, visibly huffing from anger from his beak… and absolutely not helping their case. One policeman dared peek over their way, and he squealed!

(Jeez, what is it with clowns and short tempters?)

"Would you cut that out? You look deranged! Is this what you do at birthday parties?" With a sharp tug at the back of the collar, Dan manages to pry his ex-co-star from the bars, who seemingly immediately deflates and jingles to one of the benches, sitting with his elbows on his knees and his cheeks in his hands, absolutely pouting. "I'm not any happier about this than you are, you know! But it makes sense! Almost! It explains why we couldn't get any work done at the office today, our system kept going down like someone was messing with it!" That earns him a scoff from his current cell companion, and Dan can't help but throw a look in the clown's direction. "What?"

"You, work in an office?" The question can come across as derogative, but there's genuine curiosity there. "I thought you were big into the acting thing, had your big break and everything as a villain or something." A pause. "Well, bigger villain than before."

There Dan pauses, brings up an index finger as if he's going to make a point, then just sighs and practically collapses into a slouch. It has been a while since the last Darkwing Duck meet-up, huh? No wonder Mike was so out of the loop.

"Yes, well, I gave it up. Want to hear a secret?" An earnest jingly nod is his reply. "I was asked to return for the Darkwing Duck remake… reboot… whatever movie they were making, but I just said no. I feel like I got typecast into the 'weasely evil rat' archetype, you know? After a while, I just started to wonder if people were laughing with me or at me. At least you made it work out somehow."

"That's exactly my deal! People kept making me into the laughing stock so I figured I might as well be an actual clown and beat them to the punch. The brats are annoying, but it beats the circus I was at before the show. Keeps me from getting rusty, even if I'm just going through a checklist of party-tricks at this point." From his pout, Mike perks up, banging his fist on the bench to his side before standing up again, seemingly bracing himself for -- ah, he twirls into a handstand, and Dan claps in genuine amazement.

"Wow, you still got it!"

"Eh, it's nothing. Unlike you guys, I had to work with Jim directly, by his rules. No doubles allowed, or I was a puffy-tailed coward. Quackerjack had no real special effects, remember? Just toys and acrobatics to use against Darkwing Duck." He could do it, but admittedly his endurance wasn't what it used to be. Still, to be a bit of a show-off, Mike stays like that for another minute before twirling right side up, trying to shake off the dizziness that came up with it -- only to stumble and be steadied by Dan when the lights in the entire station flicker and a distant rumble shakes the entire street, and suddenly they remember their current predicament. Yeap. Whatever was going on was very real. 

"Hey, cut that out!" Someone calls from the front of the police station, and Dan tries his best not to sound absolutely peeved off when he answers back. "It's not me, you bumbling meatheads!" He genuinely tried.

The silence after that is frustrating and uncomfortable. Meeting up was nice and all, but no one was talking to them, they didn't know if their friends and family were safe, and apparently, the city really was being overtaken by super-powered criminals based on characters they played in a kid's tv-show. So Dan sat on the bench, momentarily stunned by that fact even though he was the one trying to convince Mike it made sense, all the while the clown decided to tire himself out further by continuously jumping up to try and look out the tiny cell window they had.

"Would you STOP your jingling about!?"

The only answer Dan got was a raspberry blown in his direction. Real mature.

---

Tino had made his mind up the moment he caught sight of himself on live tv robbing a bank: he was turning himself in. For one thing, it would immediately prove his innocence because he couldn't be robbing banks if he was in captivity, and then he'd hopefully be safe from these super-powered evildoers! Alright, so, well, his initial plan was to flee the city, but then his green lookalike decided to go and BLOCK every exit to St. Canard just as he was trying to drive away. It was almost impressive, really, to see what a bigger budget could have gotten them back in the good old days, but it was mostly terrifying that the guy behind these massive green growths was out there. W-w-what if these copycats had some sort of personal vendetta against the originals?! He wasn't sure why they would, but he wasn't taking any chances! He was driving to the nearest police station and that was it!

Only one road is cut off, the other is flooding towards him and it takes all his composure to slam on the reverse and scream at the same time, and instead, Tino decides to just head for the high ground at a park and go from there. Tino might have been speeding for the first time in his life just then, but he figured that it was fair -- and hey, maybe a cop would come and arrest him! No such luck, however.

The mallard duck looked positively green in the face ( no pun intended ) as he thought over his options, though it felt more like he was frozen in shock, just sitting there with his hands on the wheel and looking straight ahead. Was that… the ground shaking? If he looked at his bobblehead of Bushroot (which he'd be tossing out after this endeavor, thank you very much), he could take note of how it kept shaking as if with the steps of a giant duck --

The passenger door to his car opens, a figure jumps inside and Tino screams like a banshee and just tosses his wallet and car keys at them, fruitlessly trying to open the door and escape after he reactively locked them with the press of a button.

"TAKE IT, I DON'T NEED IT, I'M A POOR COLLEGE PROFESSOR SPARE ME --"

"JUST CALM DOWN, I DON'T WANT YOUR DANG -- wait Real? Tino Real?! It's me! Jack Pumi! Old co-star?!" And as if a switch had been flipped inside Tino's head, first his voice gives out and then his beak shuts, and his feathers unruffle themselves. Yes, he knew a Jack Pumi, that's right.

"Oh, sorry friend! You really shouldn't sneak up on a duck-like that, I feel like I almost laid my heart there!" Tino practically melts into his seat as his stress is wrung out of him at the sight of a familiar face during these scary times. "What brings you to… my car?" Hey, why did Jack get into his car?

"Ah, don't sweat it old chum! We're all a little jumpy nowadays, criminals on the run and all that." The Bushroot bobblehead is starting to shake with considerable vigor, but this is missed by the two as Jack pats Tino on the shoulder. "As for why I'm here --" A look in the rearview mirror, the surprisingly unmistakable sound of a car being stepped on not too far behind them by a giant clown robot. "DRIVE!"

You didn't have to ask Tino twice, even if they both fumbled with the keys back and forth before finally taking off as a massive foot concaved the ground where they just were, but it was best if they focused on that later. Right now, they were flooring it to… somewhere.

"Just like the good old days, don't you think? So, what's the plan, captain?" As Jack tried to hold on through Tino's panicked driving, he felt he might as well make some small talk -- not to mention that he talks when he's nervous.

"In the good old days, we were the bad guys squashing innocent civilians, and I have to say, it isn't much fun when you're on the other side of it! And p-plan, well, I don't know, drive until it leaves us alone? Until the deranged clown gets bored?"

"If I recall, boring that quacking menace is the last thing you want to do…"

"Well, what do you suggest?! Ohnononoit'sgettingcloser!" And the laughing is getting considerably irksome, if not straight up giving the both of them goose-skin.

"Where were you going before I showed up, why were you just sitting there at the park?"

"I was thinking of driving to a police station and hiding there, but the streets got flooded so I drove to higher ground and then… I froze in the existential terror of considering that a super-powered copycat of myself was wreaking havoc."

"First: beats driving in circles trying to lose this clown, second: boy I feel ya, but now's maybe not the time to focus on that pal-io! How's about you really step on the gas and see if we can't throw it off? There, right there! Turn!"

A paired screaming match occurs when Jack just grabs the wheel and sends them on a sudden turn right, Tino struggling to regain control of the car before laughing hysterically with nervous energy as Quackerjack's mech kept going straight… before turning to look at them again. They screamed again and floored the gas as far down as this crusty old car could go.

Meanwhile, Quackerjack just let out a singular 'huh' at the realization that there was a car under him the whole time… before devolving into a manic fit of giggles at the realization of the terror he caused to the two little bugs hidden under his massive robot's beak. Oh, he loves being a bad guy. Endless fun!

---

"I'm TELLING you, that's a giant Quackerjack robot! Look! Look!"

"How many times do I have to tell you that I can't jump that high?!"

---

The rest of the drive was… surprisingly peaceful. Sure, there were random root systems on the road that pretty much served as speedbumps every so often, but outside of that there was no sign of any evildoers, only the ominous red glow in the sky coming from some skyscraper or other, neither Tino or Jack cared much for the fancy science labs uptown… but that probably explains the commotion going on! The bet was on if it was science or magic behind this mess, and Tino was feeling pretty sure about his bet on magic.

Alright, so maybe peaceful wasn't the word, more like… eerie. But it beat constant panic 100%, so Tino wasn't complaining! About that, at least. He was most certainly complaining about his current treatment at the police station -- they wouldn't arrest him! Which wasn't a complaint he thought he could make.

"We're not looking for fanboys, we're looking for the actual actors to turn themselves in!"

"F-fanboys!? Why I oughta -- do you expect me to grow a plant on top of my head? I'm Tino Real, I played Bushroot, this is Jack Pumi, he played the Liquidator. What's next, you expect him to turn into liquid?"

Perhaps a bad choice of words, as that's exactly the footage that was shown through live news on the tv right then and there, Bushroot and the Liquidator teaming up and just wiping the floor with what appeared to be… Gizmoduck. Huh. Oh well.

"Honestly, yes. We already caught the other two, and they're not causing any problems anymore."

"Wait, other two? Do you mean Dan and Mike?" Jack interrupts, only to be interrupted himself by the officer that had just been speaking. "Quackerjack and Megavolt," the officer corrects.

Tino can't resist facepalming.

"You can see Quackerjack in the distance from here…" It was true, it looked like he was headed for the building emitting that ominous glow, for whatever reason, but there's no missing that giant clown robot-toy thing. That murmured exasperation does give the officer pause, and he holds up an index finger telling them to wait where they are… which they do, with a tap of a foot and impatient crossed arms, as he walks around his desk, doggy tail impatiently swooshing behind him… before quickly tucking between his legs as he hurried back inside, seconds before the lights inside the station all shut down, emergency generators kicking in seconds after.

"Quackerjack, Megavolt, accounted for. You were right." Snout pale, the dog looked like he was sweating underneath his coat of fur, licking his lips in nervousness. So maybe they shouldn't have been quite as ruff when apprehending the first two… Oh well. "I don't care anymore, you can share a cell with the other washed-up acts." The green duck said something about it being safer in than out, and well, the police dog couldn't exactly argue against it. Besides, the mayor said to apprehend them, right? Hopefully, no word about them trying to turn these two away would surface…

---

"Dan, Mike, buddies, remember me?!"

That got the two sitting in the cell snap their heads up so fast, one could almost hear a whip crack, and Mike punches Dan in the shoulder, a large grin on his face. "See, what did I tell ya, they got caught too, which means they know we're innocent, so they have to let us out. That, and you owe me 20."

"Funny joke, clown, they're joining you, not the other way around."

One click, two click, and Toni and Jack join the other two actors inside the cell, and Toni nearly kisses the floor he's so glad to be inside and safe. Well, safe-ish.

"Haha, don't mind him, we just had a rough trip on the way over, traffic was absolutely killer!" No, Jack couldn't help it, he had to make that joke. "We would've gotten here sooner, but we spent like ten minutes driving away from a killer giant robot that looked like… what's with the clown costume?" It wasn't Quackerjack-y, but that was definitely a clown outfit.

"Oh, was that your car?! Ahahaha -- sorry, sorry, but that's all I could see from that window -- he almost crushed you two a good five times! And I'm a clown. End of story." The tone of voice certainly said so, but then it quickly turned to confusion. "Wait, what do you mean 'gotten here sooner'? You want to be in jail?"

"Well, we, we, we were going to turn ourselves in! And we did! It's safer to be in here than out there, you know! You watched us almost get crushed!"

Mike looks like he's about to say something, and then he realizes Toni definitely had a good point there, so he settles on shrugging his shoulders, looking at Dan and hoping he'd have any sort of opinion on this other than just 'meh'.

"So…" Dan starts, feeling particularly coerced by Mike's incessant staring, but not having anything interesting to talk about.

"So…" Jack copies as he looks around their holding cell before slapping his hands together. "We're staying in here until this all blows over, as I'm pretty sure they know we're not the ones causing the big old ruckus. Kind of slaps me with a terrible sense of deja-vu, to be quite honest. The Fearsome Four, back together!"

That does bring up some amused mumbling from the group, even if the mere mention of the show had since gotten stale thanks to Jim Starling's obsession with it, mentioning it wherever he went.

"The only thing that's missing is Dorkwing Duck, huh?" Mike adds, snickering to himself, before pausing with a pensive look on his beak, and Toni can't help but regret what he's about to ask:

"What's on your mind, Michael?"

"Just thinking, really, but… What if this is Jim's doing? You all heard how he went crazy about the movie, right? Single handedly got it canceled, got into a fight with the new guy playing Darkwing Duck. What if this is him trying to reboot it on his own now?" Ignoring the fact that it sounded like a conspiracy theory, it almost made sense. He hasn't been seen since, so what if he was planning his comeback all this time?

The four occupants of the cell look at each other, and then break down laughing.

"As if! That thick headed, self-centered dimwit couldn't plan something this far ahead!"

"Where would he find these super-powered copycats, anyway?!"

"You'd think he'd come for the source material, if it came to that!"

"Ahaha, I know, right!?"

And just like that, the ice was broken, and the four of them made themselves as comfortable as they could in their current situation, deciding to look at it as a surprise reunion. Funny how most of their problems with the old show stemmed from Jim…

---

A large explosion echoes through St. Canard, and Mike wastes no time in trying to peek out the tiny cell window while a commotion began at the front of the police station. The ominous red glow faded from the sky, the plants withered, lights flickered back on through the city, and floods ran down drain pipes.

Whatever it was, it was done. Hopefully.

---

The next morning wasn't exactly glamorous. They were served their breakfast slop and told to wait until they fixed the bureaucracy involved in this mess, because apparently there was no paperwork for "interdimensional villains from an old live-action hero show", and there was no real proof they weren't connected somehow.

"Outside of the fact that we spent all night in here?! Let! Us! Out!"

"Seriously, what is it with clowns and short tempters…" Dan mutters, but all that Toni and Jack offer him is a vague shrug. Mike was just like that, why else would they pick him to play Quackerjack?

"Experts agree, stressing yourself out won't get you anywhere, friend!" Jack starts, even if he's not exactly sure who the experts would be in this case. It does make the duck stop trying to strangle or otherwise pry the cell bars appart with sheer physical strength -- that, or someone was finally coming to see them. Turns out it was the later, but Jack would like to believe he helped anyway!

No words of acknowledgement, just the same cop that greeted Toni and Jack yesterday, but now, instead of a scared look on his face, he looked positively starstruck. Which would be nice, if he hadn't made it clear that he didn't care about their acting careers, so what gives? The four of them look at each other, and after a vague shrug from Dan, they file out of the holding cells and make their way out. Or plan to, at least, until Mike comes to a full stop and forces everyone behind him to stumble over each other.

"Hey, what gives --!"

"JIM!? I WAS KIDDING WHEN I SAID THOSE THINGS YESTERDAY, I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS ACTUALLY YOU BEHIND THIS --"

The clown-attired duck rattles off, and that startles both the party behind him and the supposed Jim, who jumps a whole foot into the air and stretches his hands in front of him, trying to calm the shocked duck down.

"N-no, no, you got it all wrong, I'm Darkwing Duck! The one and only! Technically based on the remake but we don't talk about it! AlsoI'mabigfanandIwaswonderingifyouwouldn'tmindsigningthisposter--"

The first part wouldn't be unbelievable if it had been Jim, but the mention of a remake knocked it down a peg, and then saying he's a fan and asking for an autograph, even if said all in one breath, definitely meant it wasn't Jim. The (once) Fearsome Four let out a shared sigh that they didn't know they were holding as they surrounded this… cosplayer, for lack of a better term.

"Could've fooled me, you're his splitting image, I tell you what… Well, no, you're smooth. He was more…" Mike takes a second to mess up his face feathers, making it look like he'd been sleeping face down for a month. "Gruff, yeah? You look like a baby in comparison."

"Hey! I'll have you know I saved this city from complete annihilation!"

"What was that about a poster, kiddo?" Jack interjects, leaning over Mike's shoulder. "I guess it's the least we can do for saving our city, and in turn us. Not going to lie, it's been a while since I've signed a poster, ever since I started selling --"

"Tupperware?! I have your entire collection, you weren't lying when you said those things could last!"

Jack had to stop and blink for a second, even if his brain automatically had him fetch a pen from an inner pocket. The guy was a "hero", yet here he was fanboying over a tupperware salesman. "Haha, well, I don't like having my face attached to cheap products, what can I say. So, who do we make it out to be?"

"Uh… Darkwing… Duck?"

"Creative," Dan adds with a snicker, but takes the pen from Jack anyway to sign the poster.

"Short notice, what can I say, I came as soon as I heard that they had you guys locked up in here, after making sure the interdimensional evil-doers were in their respective places of course!" The masked duck before them poses in what they guess he thinks is a heroic pose, and out of politeness they don't mention that it makes him look like an absolute tool.

"So those… look-alikes, they're gone? Oh, I never realized quite how frightening our characters were at the time, it was just a silly children's cartoon…" Genuinely, all that Toni wanted now was to crawl home and pass out for a week straight, even if he might miss a weeks worth of work. He felt like it was only fair!

"Darkwing Duck guarantee! I would tell more in hopes of assuring you, but it's all classified, I'm sure you can understand. Just know that there's a real hero watching St. Canard now! Petty thug or super-villain, I'm your guy!"

The poster goes from hand to hand, and they all sign it before giving it back, and the excitement the masked duck shows for it is a little nice, as Jack had mentioned previously. Usually Jim hogged all the attention at fan meetings, whether the fan wanted it or not.

"Oh Launch… I mean, LP is going to eat his scarf when he sees this! You guys have just made a hero's day! Say, would it be too much if I asked for a h--"

"Yeah, no, too much." Dan deadpanned, and everyone agreed wholeheartedly, instead offering a handshake instead, which is gladly taken.

"So, what are your plans now? I could give one of you a ride!" Wringing his hat between his hands, this Darkwing Duck wannabe looked like he wanted to tag along with them, as if he expected them to act like they did on the show, and an awkward look was shared between the four of them. How to gently let this guy down… Seriously, they didn't need a vigilante deciding reality equals fiction -- IGNORING THE EVENTS OF LAST NIGHT.

"Thanks but no thanks, my plan is to go home, pass out, and forget this ever happened." Answer, you just don't, it's a grown man for quack's sake. Mike drops the cape corner he was inspecting and waltzes out the door, his hat jingling behind him.

It didn't take much for everyone else to follow after.

"Pretty much." "Ditto." "I'm still not certain it wasn't an overly elaborate dream."

Not taking a hint, Darkwing Duck follows after them, waving as they all squeeze into Toni's little car. "Good thinking, guys! Just remember, if there's trouble --"

"You call DW!" Alright, he could have that one freebie on the house, Jack decided, even if everyone else in the car stink eyed him for indulging the masked weirdo. "What, it is a catchy tune!"

The car wasn't the only thing grumbling as it drove off.

[orange-imagines]

Stitched Up

Mud Dogs X Reader (Platonic) 

Warning(s) - Some mentions and brief descriptions of blood and injuries, but I didn’t describe anything in great detail

A/N - This wasn’t requested or anything, I just really wanted to do a full drabble for the prompt about the Mud Dogs with a medically experienced friend. Hope you guys enjoy! 

They were late.

In all fairness, of course, it wasn’t as if the Mud Dogs were famously punctual, but at least Danny had a strong sense of time and was usually able to keep the other two on track. Though that didn’t seem to be the case today.

You tried not to think too hard about it, stretching out on the couch in your apartment, phone in hand, idling between three different apps as you waited. For what, you weren’t exactly sure. Maybe a text or call, either informing you that the job had run long, or that they couldn’t make it and would have to cancel your hangout entirely.

You ended up getting no such message. Instead, your front door opened a few moments later, and in walked the Mud Dogs, grumbling and aching as they closed the door behind them and dropped their set of spare keys onto the table by the door.

“Uh...hey,” you greeted, setting your phone down on the coffee table as you stood to greet them.

Only when they made their way into the living room, however, did you finally understand the reason behind their tardiness.

From what you could see, the Mud Dogs had gotten their asses kicked. Not only were they empty-handed, but Leonard and Mickey’s bodies were both scattered with bruises, the former with a noticeable gash on his left arm, and the latter messing with a crooked tooth as the group made their way into the living room.

With Danny’s body covered in fur, injuries were hard to see, but you could only assume he’d gotten a relatively similar treatment.

“Hey, Y/N,” Mickey greeted, mumbling his words as he continued to mess with his loose tooth.

“Hey, Y/N,” Danny greeted quietly, taking a seat on the cushioned chair across the room and letting out a long, relieved sigh as he sank into it.

“You guys...look like hell,” you said.

“Yeah, we just got back,” Leonard said, rolling his arm and cringing at the sting from his cut, “who could’ve known the pigs would show up early and completely screw our getaway?”

Mickey mumbled something from around his fin, but you weren’t able to make it out.

“We can’t understand ya with your fist in your mouth, Mick,” Danny grumbled, plucking his hat from his head and resting it over his face.

With a scoff, Mickey pulled his fin from his mouth, taking his newly pulled tooth with it, “I said ‘we didn’t even get the cash’!”

“Did you just…”

You trailed off, Mickey giving you a questioning look as he tossed his tooth over his shoulder.

“Gross.”

“What?”

“Your fucking- whatever. Look, are you guys okay? Do you need help? I’ve got a first aid kit.”

“Nah, we’re good, Y/N,” Leonard said, though the way he was clutching his arm said otherwise, “maybe just some, uh, headache medicine or something? Y’know that stuff?”

“...Ibuprofen?”

“Gazuntite.”

You pinched the bridge of your nose with a sigh, and heard Danny snicker from across the room.

“I’m getting the kit,” you said, “sit down.”

“Y/N, really-”

“Sit. Down.”

Not eager to risk incurring your wrath, Leonard took a reluctant seat on the couch, and Mickey sat on his right, slumping back against the pillow behind him.

You wasted no more time dipping out to make a quick stop in your bathroom, grabbing the first aid kit from under the sink and making sure to wash your hands for good measure. You hadn’t planned on stitching anything today, but you always made a habit of being prepared for it. Especially when you hung out with the people you did.

Upon returning to the living room, you took a seat on the arm of the couch to Leonard’s left, opening the kit between your legs and snapping on a pair of latex gloves.

“Mind if I ask...the hell are you doing?”

Leonard has his eyes trained on you in a cautious stare. It was obvious he hadn’t put the pieces together yet.

“Stitching this giant gash in your arm,” you explained, “so it doesn’t get infected, and so you don’t bleed all over my furniture.”

That was a joke, of course. The wound had already begun to dry.

“You’re qualified for that?” Danny asked. He’d come out from under his hat at that point and was straightening up to get a better view of the situation.

“Yeah,” you said, “I’ve done it to a banana.”

Several bananas, actually. And several people. But you thought it was funnier to watch Danny’s eyes bulge than let him know you knew what you were doing.

“Cool!” Mickey said, “Len’s gonna get a new scar!”

“Will you shut-”

“Just relax,” you said, “I’ve got mystic painkillers. Don’t worry about it.”

You could tell both Leonard and Danny were still skeptical about the idea, but they trusted you enough to let you do your thing. So, after wetting a towel and wiping the bloodied area on Leonard’s arm clean, you gave him a mystic painkiller, popped open a sterilized suture, and went to work.

“This is the coolest thing you’ve ever done,” you heard Mickey whisper from across the couch, watching with a surprising amount of admiration as you began to thread the first suture through.

“Cooler than that time I punched a police officer?”

“Way cooler.”

After finishing off and cutting the first suture, you popped open a second one and restarted the process. You could tell Leonard was still anxious from the way the muscles in his arm clenched as he rested his wrist on your leg, and you gave him a reassuring smile to try and help calm his nerves.

“Say...you’re not half bad at this.”

You hadn’t noticed Danny standing beside the couch until he spoke up.

“I hope so,” you said, “I’ve done this a lot, you know?”

“Yeah, on fruits,” Leonard grumbled.

“And people,” you added, “I’m not a noob.”

“How come you never told us?” Danny asked, “we could’ve been coming to you the whole time we’ve known ya and you were holding out on us?”

You shrugged, finishing off the second suture and cutting the excess string, “you never asked.”

Danny didn’t have a reply to that, so he just fell into silence and watched as you continued your work.

After about ten more minutes, you’d finished two more sutures and successfully stitched Leonard’s wound up. He was starting to complain about getting sore at that point, so you gave him the bottle of mystic painkillers and began unfurling a roll of bandages to wrap his arm up.

“Woah,” Mickey said, leaning across the couch to get a good look at your work, “that’s epic, dude!”

“Thanks,” you said, then used your elbow to push him away, “don’t breathe on it.”

Reluctantly, Mickey flopped back onto his side of the couch, and you went about wrapping Leonard’s arm.

“Am I the only one unsettled that you know how to do this?” Leonard said.

“No way, dude, this is so cool!” Mickey said, “you ever done stitches on yourself?”

“Well, I’ve never robbed a bank and gotten sliced up by the police before, so no.”

You finished wrapping Leonard’s arm and gave his hand a tap to let him know he could take it away. He did, and you excused yourself to go dispose of your gloves and clean up the first aid kit, placing it on the floor beside the couch once you were done.

“So, how you feeling?” Danny asked, nodding to Leonard’s arm.

“Sore as hell,” he said, “but...Y/N really knows their stuff.”

“‘Course I do,” you said, then pointed to Mickey, “you’re next.”

“Epic. Can you stitch my tooth back in?”

“Literally not even if you paid me.”