#-matted it like this if i answered immediately

[chukys-mouthguard]

Kinda Tempting pt. 2

Featuring: matt rempe x female reader x mat barzal

Genre: fluff, angst, little bit of smut

Note: i tried my best to refer to rempe as matthew to limit possible confusion of the guys…this was rewritten like 6 times, not entirely happy with it but I know y’all have been asking for part 2 😅🫶🏼 tried to make it so this could continue and we could see both sides of this story

Part 1

“Mmmmm.” 

The sun was shining just enough in your eyes to wake you up, immediately making you regret not remembering to close the blinds before going to bed. Though you were a bit preoccupied to remember, chuckling to yourself as you looked at the 6 foot 8 sleeping giant next to you. Now taking notice of his cut up knuckles from yesterday's fight, lightly tracing your fingers over the marks. Earning a soft groan from Matthew. 

His eyes fluttering open as he smiled at you, “good morning sunshine,” he stretched as he rolled onto his side, “good morning to you pretty lady.” A smile now on his face as he curled up with his pillow, looking up at you and studying the conflicted look on your face. 

“What is it?” 

Shaking your head you got up with a sigh, searching for a hoodie to throw on before rejoining him on your bed. “I’m just, thinking.” 

“Let me guess….you regret last night?” His words came out with a playful tone, though his face showed a bit of sadness as he sat up and rested his back against your headboard. “Look if I convinced you to do something you didn’t really want to do, and I stirred up a bunch of shit now for you to deal with. I’m sorry, I truly didn’t mean for any of that to happen I just-“

“No, that’s the thing. I don’t regret it. But I feel bad for not regretting it. Am I a shitty person for that?” Matthew laughed along with you as he shrugged. 

“I mean, I don’t think you’re a shitty person. I think you’re just, conflicted. I think you’re an amazing girl who is being strung along by her boyfriend, not knowing what the fuck the deal is. Waiting for the day he somehow magically turns back into the guy she fell in love with. But I don’t think that day is coming unfortunately.” 

His fingers now entangling with yours as you took in his thoughts. 

“I think, you’re unsure what to do. I think your head is telling you one thing, and your heart another. Personally, I don’t know the reason why you won’t leave him. And maybe that’s not for me to know. But I think you deserve so much more. I think you could do better, be happier, be with someone who isn’t gonna be another Mat Barzal.” 

“And that’s you?” 

Your tone catching him off guard a bit, but he laughed it off. “I’m not saying that, and I’m not saying any of this to try and get you to leave Mat for me. I’m sure you might be thinking I’m that kind of guy right now, especially after last night, but I’m not. I simply am saying this as a guy who thinks it would be an honor to call you his girlfriend. A guy who would take every opportunity to show you how amazing you are. To never make you feel the way you do right now being with Mat. But by no means am I trying to get you to leave him for me. Because I don’t think I need to convince you to do that.” 

Just as you opened your mouth to challenge his cocky statement, your phone buzzed on the bed. 

“It’s him…” Matthew gesturing for you to answer the call as he got up to get dressed. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, sorry about yesterday. Just, wasn’t a good day. You know how it is. But um, I kind of realize I’ve not been the best boyfriend lately. And, I feel like I need to make it up to you.” 

While you wanted to believe that he was being genuine, you’d heard this from Mat before. He’d apologize, be a better guy for a few days, then things would end up right back where they were. 

“Let’s go grab lunch, maybe do some shopping. Spend the day together and make up for the last few months we’ve been apart.” 

Matthew was mouthing the words go for it, and you rolled your eyes at him. His words still on your mind, not sure why you were still going to entertain fixing things with Mat if you just fucked another guy behind his back. 

“Um, yeah sure.” 

“Yeah? Great! I’ll be at your place in like an hour?”

“Sounds good. See you soon.” 

Hanging up the phone you flopped down on your bed face first. “What’s the matter now?” Matthew laughed as he belly flopped onto the bed next to you, trying his best to make you laugh or smile. 

“What the fuck do I do? He wants to make up for being absent and everything, and you’re over here telling me I shouldn’t entertain it!” 

Matthew put his hands up in protest, “now wait a minute i didn’t say don’t entertain it. I simply am saying to be cautious and look out for yourself. Because, after the way you two interacted yesterday, I just think he’s full of it. But I could be wrong, and this lunch date could change everything. I don’t know. I simply am speaking as someone who cares. I want the best for you, and if that’s him, then great. I’ll still be here for the days you need to cry, or vent, or need to have some fun.” 

He shot you a wink as his signature cocky grin found its place on his lips and you shook your head. “Matthew Rempe, you are not going to be some side piece for me while I figure out my relationship.” Standing up you headed to the bathroom to start getting ready for your date with Mat. 

“And why’s that?” He called after you, leaning in the doorway as you pulled your makeup bag out from under your sink. “Because, you’re a human being, you have feelings. And I’m not just going to use you like that.” 

He stepped in front of you, stealing your attention as he brushed your hair from your face. “But what if I’m okay with it?” 

“You are really something else you know that?” 

He shrugged as he stole a kiss from your lips. 

“Well you make it really easy for me to make bad decisions.” He winked at you, stealing another kiss before heading to the kitchen to grab his keys. 

“So you’re saying this is a bad decision?” You gestured to the two of you with your makeup brush. “Maybe, call me after lunch and tell me if you think so.” 

He closed the door behind him and you let out a groan, not enjoying the position you were in at all. On one hand, your boyfriend of 2 years who was your first love. But who has checked out and left you feeling like it was time to walk away. Then on the flip side, a younger and wild Rempe, who knew what he wanted and didn’t hide it. Which you appreciated, and found quite hot. But how do you just up and leave Mat, and did you want to? None of this was fair to him, but then again, the way you’ve been strung along all these months not knowing where the two of you stand wasn’t fair either. 

“Hey babe.” 

Mat smiled at you as you climbed into his BMW. “Hey,” You flashed a smile as he leaned in to give you a kiss, “don’t you look handsome.” 

He shrugged, “wanted to look good for you I guess. So what are we feeling, Italian? Mexican? A burger and fries?” Buckling your seatbelt you told yourself to listen to Matthew, let this date happen how it’s meant to happen. Don’t force anything one way or the other, let whatever the hell is gonna happen, happen. “Well we both know you’re always in the mood for Italian.” 

“I’m a sucker for the carbs what can i say. Plus a glass of wine doesn’t sound too awful right now.” 

His hand resting on the gear shift as he pulled out of the parking garage. The drive to the restaurant quiet, the result of you two being apart for so long that it was almost awkward between you two. 

So far, your brain was telling you this wasn’t a good sign that this date was magically going to fix things. 

“So, how late did you stay up doing your stuff last night?” Mat asking from behind his wine glass as you chuckled. “Um my job? I was up pretty late doing that stuff. Couldn’t even tell you how long I edited for last night.” Your voice trailing off as you sipped your wine, your palms sweaty just thinking about the secret you were hiding from him. 

“I believe it, probably had a ton of footage to sift through.” He didn’t even make eye content when talking to you, glancing over the menu as you rested your chin on your fist with a sigh. “Plus I had extra clips to edit of Matt Rempe since it was his debut and everything.” 

Mat laughed as he nodded, “Yeah that kid is something else. A fight his first shift, probably gonna end up with more penalty minutes than minutes on ice this season. That is if he lasts.” You were a bit surprised by his comments, Mat never the type to shit talk other guys in the league. “Hey, he earned his spot yesterday and he’s gonna keep working hard to stay up here. He’s a great guy. I personally think you’d like him, if you got to know him versus judging him…” 

Your voice trailed off as your server brought your food. “Okay, no more hockey talk. Where shall I take you shopping? Need a new purse? Some shoes? I know you never turn down shoes.” He smiled at you as he wiped the pasta sauce from his chin. 

This was always Mat’s way of fixing things. He loved to shop, both for you and for himself. So anytime he felt like he’d fucked up, his solution was to buy you everything you wanted without checking a price tag. But the material things never actually addressing the root of the problem that was there to begin with. Simply covering it up with new shoes, a new jacket, or purse. 

“I don’t care, wherever is fine. Nothing I really need if I’m honest.” Your tone caught him off guard, at this point you were over this lunch date. Wishing you hadn’t even thought for a second that things were going to get better. “Okay, do you want to just go home and watch a movie or something? Since shopping doesn’t seem to be a good idea today.” 

“Sure, a movie is fine.” 

Mat decided for the two of you to head back to his place, due to traffic being crazy heading in the direction of your apartment. The car ride once again quiet, Mat a bit unsure what to talk about. He’d offended you when talking about your job and judging Rempe. Shopping normally be something you liked to do with him, but that too seemed to be a bad idea. 

It wasn’t that he was on oblivious to the fact that things between you two were different, he just didn’t know why or how he could fix it. Feeling like it was a battle he’d already lost in your eyes. And no matter how hard he might try to prove to you he was still willing to fight, you’d just blow him off. Already moved on in your mind. 

“Wow, someone has been decorating. Who helped you with this?” You looked around his apartment shocked, never knowing Mat to be a good decorator. “Well thanks, I didn’t think I sucked that bad at interior design. I maybe had a little help, but for the most part it was all me.” 

He smiled proud as he grabbed a bottle of wine and two glasses. 

“So, what movie are you thinking?” 

Taking your glass you shrugged, “surprise me? You’re better at picking movies than me.” Mat laughing as he placed the stopper back in the bottle. “This is true, let me take a quick look at our options.” 

Subconsciously you had practically chugged your glass of wine, your nerves rampant as you didn’t know what the hell you were doing. Clearly you were unhappy, this date not going at all how you hoped. You still were holding out hope, but the more and more Mat didn’t talk to you or kept conversation short, the more your thoughts were racing. 

“Do you still love me?” 

Mat snapped his head to you, almost laughing as he couldn’t believe you’d asked such a thing. Almost shocked a bit yourself at your boldness to just come right out and say that. “Um, yes? Why would you even ask that?” 

“When’s the last time you said it? Do you realize what I’ve been going through these last few months? Hell let’s just say the whole last year. I barely see you! We barely speak, and lord knows we haven’t had sex in months. Not that it matters that much, but we both know you like sex. So the fact we haven’t even done that…Like, are you just waiting for me to breakup with you? Or am I supposed to just wait around for you to start acting like the man I fell in love with again?” 

He set his wine glass down, trying to figure out what to say. Feeling like no matter what he said at this point it would probably come across like an excuse. 

“I, I don’t know what to say. Because, I don’t have a good enough reason for why I’ve been acting this way. And, you’re right. You don’t deserve this. Maybe, you should’ve given up on me a long time ago. I don’t know y/n, I can’t lie to you and say I don’t notice that it’s different. But I also don’t know what to do to fix it.” 

“Kiss me! Hold me! Tell me you love me. Get excited to see me after months of hardly talking. There’s plenty of things you could do. The answer isn’t to treat me to lunch and take me shopping. I don’t need food and clothes, I need my boyfriend. I need to feel like you love me. Like you miss me.”

“And you don’t think I feel that way?”

His tone coming out hurt, his hands running through his hair as he tried to think of a response. 

“Notice how you haven’t said it once. Even when I point it out, you say yes and agree, but you haven’t once said it to me. And that speaks volumes.” 

Grabbing your phone and purse you headed for the door, Mat quickly running to stop you. “Now wait a minute, I get I’ve been absent and not the same guy I used to be, but I’ve never been the type to let you walk out like this. Please, talk to me. Help me understand what you need from me so we can make things work.” 

Retreating to the couch, you sat down with a sigh, not sure what to say. “Mat, I shouldn’t have to tell you what I need. You’re my boyfriend. We’ve been together long enough that you should know me better than this. If you’ve fallen out of love with me, then tell me. If you’ve been seeing other people, then tell me. But please don’t keep stringing me along when it’s clear this isn’t working for us right now.” 

He looked at you shocked, the assumption he was cheating hitting him like a train in his chest. “You’re joking? You think I’ve been cheating on you? Please y/n, that’s ridiculous. Where is all of this coming from? You say that I’m no longer the guy you fell in love with, but you’re starting to give me the same energy. I’ve never heard you talk like this…maybe you’re the one seeing other people?” 

Stopping in your tracks you looked at him shocked, a slight chuckle leaving his lips as you tried to formulate a thought. “Yeah, doesn’t feel good being accused of that does it?” 

“Of course not! No one ever wants to be accused of something like that. You know I love you, I’ve stuck by your side through so much. And I’m sorry if I’ve felt shut out or neglected. But I don’t understand what’s changed, why you won’t make time for me and prove to me that this relationship isn’t lost?”

Mat looked to the floor as he shook his head, acknowledging the things you’d said. Realizing that you were right, things had changed. And maybe he was too focused on his job that he refused to believe he’d dropped the ball. 

The two of you stood in silence for a moment, you sniffled as he walked toward you, wrapping you in a hug. Your body completely relaxing in his embrace, this hug was just like you’d remembered. It was what you needed, to feel him hold you tight and reassure you things were okay. 

He took your face in his hands, resting his forehead on yours as he softly kissed you. “I fucking love you, and I don’t want to be with anyone else. I don’t want to lose you. I will do whatever I have to, to prove to you that you’re it for me y/n. I’m sorry you’ve felt like I don’t care or don’t love you.” 

Your hands anxiously pulling at the hem of his shirt, this was what you’d wanted, needed to hear from him. But at the same time, a part of you wished he would’ve said the opposite. Despite Matthew wanting you to try and make things work with Mat, you knew deep down he wanted things to end. He wanted to be with you, but his heart wasn’t going to let him come between you and another man. That wasn’t the type of guy he was, despite his willingness to see you behind closed doors while you figured your shit out. 

“Please, just don’t walk out on me tonight. Stay with me, let me make this right between us.” 

Simply nodding your head, Mat had convinced you. His lips crashing to yours as he lifted you off your feet, carrying you down the hall to his bedroom before tossing you on the bed. 

He gazed down at you as he pulled his shirt off with a cocky grin, before lowering himself on top of you to bring your lips back to his. “I fucking missed you baby.” 

Arching your back against him you moaned into the kiss, your skin practically on fire from his touch. Something you’d been deprived of for so long. 

“God I missed you Mat.” 

Your thoughts racing as you tried your best to just focus on the moment, ignoring any doubts or worries about Matthew. Mat was your boyfriend, this was the man you loved. 

The two of you couldn’t get enough of each other, hands grazing every inch of one another as you both were short of breath. It was as if it were the first time you two were having sex, having to learn what each other liked, explore each other features again. 

Mat normally loving to tease you and make you beg, but not tonight. Tonight he needed to show you how much he loved you, how much he cared, how sorry he was for being such an asshole to you. Yet you stuck by his side, and he’d loved you so much for that. 

You’d tried to get Mat on his back so you could take some control, but he playfully pinned your arms above your head. “Not tonight baby girl, let me take care of you.” 

His words sending shivers down your spine as he sat up, undoing his belt buckle then forcing his pants and briefs down in one motion. You’re gaze not leaving his as his hands traced up your legs, fingers hooking into the waistband of your leggings, pulling them off and tossing them across the room along with your panties. 

“Mat, hurry up. A girl has gone months without this, I can’t wait much longer.” 

Smirking down at you, he stroked himself as he teased your slit, groaning at how wet you already were. “Fuck baby, I missed how wet you get for me.” Without warning he thrusts into you, the two of you moaning at the feeling, expletives leaving your lips as you feel yourself adjusting to him. Wrapping your legs around him as he slowly began picking up the pace, your nails digging into the skin of his back as your lips longed for his. The kisses not deep enough, thrusts not hard enough, the two of you needing even more. 

“Baby, I’m not going to last much longer. You feel so fucking good.” 

“Cum for me Mat, please. I’m so close.” 

His thrusts quick and sloppy, his breaths shorter as he cursed against your skin. A low groan leaving his lips as he came, the two of you sweaty and exhausted as you tried to collect yourselves. 

“Fuck…now tell me why we haven’t done that in months?” 

Mat smirked at you as he stood up, leaving to go start the shower before coming back and lifting you off the bed. “Alright, now let’s get you cleaned up.” He pressed a kiss to your lips as he carried you bridal style into the bathroom. The two of you rinsing off before climbing back into bed. 

You threw on one of Mat’s t-shirts as he pulled on a pair of sweats. Laying down and holding his arm out for you to find your spot next to him. Fingers intertwining with yours as you lay your head on his chest. 

“I missed this, so much.” 

You felt him smile at your words, kissing your head as he agreed. “Me too baby girl. And I’m sorry you ever thought I didn’t want this with you anymore.”

The room fell silent as you were content just enjoying feeling normal again, like you’d finally gotten back to where you’d been needing to be. In your head, thanking Matthew for convincing you to even go out on the date with Mat to begin with. For convincing you to see what would happen. 

Though a part of you knew it would hurt him to know you were back on good terms. Despite him saying he hoped things would work out, you knew he would still be heartbroken to know you and Mat were making it work. 

“Y/n?” 

The tone is Mat’s voice slightly changing, catching you off guard as you hummed a response, letting him know you were listening. 

“I really am going to be better. Make more of an effort, whether that be calls, or driving to see you more often. I’m going to be better. I don’t want you to ever have to wonder if I’m missing you, if I still love you, or god forbid if I’m cheating on you.” 

Your heart sinking at having accused him of the very thing you’d done just the night before. When here he was, trying to prove to you he’d just been distant, but he never lost his love for you. 

“I know, I hear everything you’re saying. And I appreciate it, more than you know.” 

He’d gone silent for a moment once again, you could sense he was thinking, hearing his heart racing as you laid on his chest. Soon enough, he shot up, moving to sit in front of you. Catching you off guard as you looked at him confused. 

“What is it?” 

Mat took your hands in his, practically choking on his own tongue as he couldn’t get his words out. 

“You’re gonna think I’m crazy, but just hear me out.” Staring at him you were unsure of what you should be expecting him to say. Already happy enough with the fact that you’d, fingers crossed, gotten your boyfriend back. What else could he say now? 

“I have loved you from the first day you’d found me at the rink, and shoved your phone in my face asking me to be a part of one of those dumb Tik Tok challenges. You didn’t give a fuck about who I was, just doing your job. And to be honest, that made me want to chase you even harder. Because you weren’t one of those girls who wanted me because of my looks. Or because I was a hockey player. You got to know me for who I was, and you took the time to see me for more than Mat Barzal of the New York Islanders.”

He smiled at you as he continued on, your mind and heart both racing as you couldn’t foresee the end of his sudden heartfelt moment. 

“It breaks my heart you’ve felt alone for the last year. That you felt I had fallen out of love with you. But I promise, there would never be anything that could make me fall out of love with you y/n. And, I know you’re going to think I’m crazy when I ask this, but I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” 

He briefly looked down at your hands in his, taking a deep breath as if to gain the confidence to finally spit out the words he’d been stalling from saying. 

“Will you make me the happiest man in the world, and marry me?” 

[difty-dift]

Hmmmm actually 🤔

For new people who wanna know your ocs, how's a brief rundown of your lovely guyss?

Sure! and thanks for the ask!

First is K-1! First guy i finalized. He's based off of beefy orc designs (and yes his primary inspiration is Knack from Knack but shut up we're moving on). He's essentially a cyborg, a combination of goblin and human DNA (which is a simple way of explaining the orc like appearance) along with cybernetic enhancements and mysterious ancient technology (seen in his spikes and core). He was created government contracted bio laboratory with the goal of developing a unbeatable super soldier. And they succeeded! He's incredibly strong and dependable, and has never lost a single battle. But he's also easygoing so he knows not to take things too far. The most likely to walk through a entrance sideways

Next is Ing (no torso cause i just love this headshot so much)! He (and Cho) are also products of the same laboratory experiments, but to differing results than K-1. Ing is the combination of the elusive blood of a shadow dragon (the most rare, impervious, and violent species) and the DNA of various beasts needed to keep him alive in the early stages of his development (mainly tiger). Because of all the other elements diluting his draconic essence, the end result was a great lack of any desired traits (wings, protective scales, immense strength, etc.) Deemed a failure by the governement for his lacking potential, he spends his days at the facility at which he was born, helping the researchers and training to be stronger while his friends go off into battle. I made him cause the urge for a tiger oc overtook me, but i couldn't just make i tiger, i needed more. My first 'fursona' i suppose. He is more reserved and quiet than the others but he loves learning and isn't shy about his appearance (though intimacy does get to him sometimes~). Has the least noticeable yawns.

And now Chocoa! You know him, you all wanna fuck him, i get it, it's understandable. He's a bull/bear hybrid, and a chimera like Ing. I saw a artist's interpretation of the mix, thought "Seriously? ", and created him in a feverish stupor. Though the third oc, he was the first successful experiment and had many years of victories before K-1 came along. Developed in a separate facility than the others, he's a an arrogant, bullheaded, boorish, crass, and unpleasant guy, just a right asshole. And his lovely personality shines just as bright on the battlefield, earning him many wins and just as many injuries. There's not really much to him past that; loves to fight, loves to smash, he's a jerk, but can get real soft with enough time. Takes the longest showers.

Onwards to Beryl. He's a lynel, those vicious dudes from Breath of the Wild, yeah? But he was born with a mutation, so his horse half is a lion half instead. Which made him docile as a result. I saw art on twitter of a beartaur i believe and was stricken by a mighty need. And i remembered that lynels are like, so fucking cool. He spends his days mining for jewlel and ore, and trading with passerbys for rupees (which he also admires (cause shiny)). He doesn't really like company and finds being friendly with others awkward (especially cause he cant talk). Never wins a staring contest.

(and yeah just his torso doesn't really do him justice but i very bad at drawing animal legs so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

And finally it's Mozi. He's a forest cryptid, mainly a moose dude. The idea for him sprung up randomly from chatting with a certain someone (⬆) and it stuck in me brain from how good it was. For 7 months. He was so hard to finalize for some reason oh my god. But I managed eventually and i freaking love him. He's just a silly moose guy, wandering the woods and napping. The slowest walker and the fastest sprinter. Though, no one has seen him do either...

And that's that! For now. My mind's always working on new angles and ideas after all. But let it be known i fucking adore all these dudes and seeing other people be like "whoa that's cool!" never fails to make me smile~

[toruslvt]

 CALL BACK LATER !

[ your ex is on the line ? tell him to fuck off ]

⋆ toji fushiguro, sukuna ryomen, satoru gojo + fem!reader

 ⋆ mdni. a lot of cursing, exhibitionism through phone calls. tags for each character; toji: you and him a have a one night stand, protected sex, ( who is this bitch that's so not me ), facetiming, hair pulling ( not in a mean way ). sukuna: established relationship, matting press. satoru: taking pics. pet names used: princess, baby, angel.

TOJI

five times, it’s been five times since your phone screen started to buzz to life with an incoming call of someone registered as ‘trash’, Toji didn’t care, you were just a good fuck in the backseat of his car after a night of drinks.

the problem was how much you squirmed underneath him each time the dark space was lit up by your phone, currently tossed in the carpet. “fuckin’ hell” he grunts, stopping his movements while his hands were tightly pressed on the small of your back, arching your body for his cock to reach deeper in the tight depts of your pussy, now still and throbbing, almost filling the condom with how much precum his tip drooled.

“can’t fuck you properly if you keep tightening up, princess” Toji huffs, leaving a soft smack on your ass, making the skin jiggle as he bends down, picking your phone up and inspecting the screen with a slight smirk, “boyfriend?”

“ex” you whine, muffled by the leather of his backseat.

the scarred corner of his lip tilts up, just slightly before your phone rings again, although this time, Toji presses on the green button, accepting the face call.

“babe, I'm sorry! i di— who the fuck are you?” the gruff voice of a man resonates through the cramped space.

“listen, man” Toji replies, his voice mocking and slightly slurred, accompanied by the slow buck of his hips against your ass, slowly stinking in the warmth tightness of your cunt that fluttered wildly, from the thrill of being heard... or perhaps his skills were still unmatched.

Toji picks up the pace once again, your moans present and accompanied by the wet sound of skin slapping “the lady here is quite busy, why don’t you call back later.”

“why don’t you fuck off, let me speak to her” your ex exclaims, quite agitated as realization starts to set in his features. a shrug is the only response Toji gives, followed by a soft chuckle, big fingers tightening in your forehead and a couple hair strands before pulling up, your face a complete mess of tears and drool, mascara running down your cheeks for your ex to see through the screen, the older men’s mess created on your trembling body, desperate to cum around his fat cock, his own face coming into the frame as he leans down against your shoulder.

“like I told you, man, she is quite busy right now”

SUKUNA

a raised brow is the only reaction your phone gets from Sukuna, a hand tightly gripping your hips, mercilessly pounding your pussy while the other holds the device up, scanning it with a slight smirk before tossing it to you.

“answer” is what he says, still smirking to himself as he slides a hand under your thigh, forcing your hips to rise off the bed as he continues to fuck you deep, messily staining your asscheeks with the slick and precum that oozes out of your hole, “c’mon, i’m getting quite irritated to hear that ringtone, answer and end with it” your boyfriend huffs, although there was a hint of mischief underneath, and you never really trusted his sudden ‘kind’ behaviors.

you swallow deeply, attempting to maintain your voice steadily as you pick up your ex’s phone call, his voice immediately coming into your ears, as well as Sukuna’s deep rumble coming from the bottom of his throat.

and you really should have expected it, for Sukuna to bend down, cup your thighs and force you into a mating press, growling in delight at the way your eyes flutter close, voice stutters and pussy clamps around his cock, gripping him like a vice.

it’s a sharp squeal that comes from your lips, one that is quickly quieted down by his hand on your mouth, giving you a knowing look before retreating it, “behave, finish the call, and i’ll let you cum” he rasps, breath hot and fanning over your neck, sending shivers down your spine while your ex’s voice remains unheard and unimportant in the back.

reduced to being patient, you can only exhale shakily, the phone in your hand about to snap from the tight grip on it, perhaps just like your hips from the intensity of Sukuna’s thrusts on you, making your body bounce on the bed by how hard his cocks drives into the depths of your cunt, positively scraping across your g-spot as you felt your brain shortcut each time.

not even paying attention to your ex, you barely mutter a couple ‘mhm’s constantly, not aware of what you’ve agreed or refused to as your phone calls ends with a hurried “thank you, baby!” from your ex, or at least you think the call has ended as your phone drops to the floor, not really caring as your nails dig on your boyfriend’s back, your moans finally coming freely.

“that’s a good girl, now cum all over your boyfriend’s cock” Sukuna growls, putting an extra accent in the word boyfriend, but you didn’t pay attention to it.

SATORU

it spurs Satoru to know your ex is most definitely hearing your desperate cries of pleasure, it brings him a sense of power, bursts his ego and only urges him into fucking you harder.

it’s not a surprise for you when Satoru goes hard, he often tends to go pussydrunk and pounds you nonstop until himself is panting and growling in pleasure, with sweat dripping down his body and prints of his fingers on your body.

the thing that does surprise you is how vocal he becomes, not by moaning, but by speaking.

“does it feel good, angel?” “you want me to keep going, yeah? right there? oh such a good girl, I can feel your cute pussy clamping on me” he growls, making your whimpers only increase by each raspy word coming out of your boyfriend.

your moans turn into high pitched whines, the rhythmically sound of skin meeting into heavy, wet and erratic slaps of sweat and precum coated skin, and your phone marks 20 minutes ever since he picked up the call for you; you really got a thing for picking pervert boyfriends.

“only I can make you feel this way, hm?” Satoru grins, picking up your phone and closing the phone app, keeping it in the background as he opens the camera, “you’re so wet, can feel you twitching around me” he smirks, biting on the tip of his tongue to conceal a chuckle in delight how you tighten up, thighs shaking and chest heaving.

“come, baby, need to feel you cumming around my cock, make a mess, my love, and let me keep this beautiful pic forever”

it doesn’t take much before your orgasm takes over, and Satoru is quick to follow behind, splattering his thick cum all over your lower belly that manages to get captured by your phone camera.

“so pretty, this will work wonderfully for when the pest decide to continue bothering you”

[moondirti]

kyle yearns for his captain's approval. you're the perfect medium through which he can secure it.

featuring: gaz x fem!reader x price. very consensual. fondling. inspection. fluff. praise kink. objectification. cucking? anal play. mentions of dp and breeding. 4k words of nonsense.

when price asks gaz if he's got anyone at home, gaz answers.

truthfully. he'd be hesitant to admit that he does to anyone else – soap especially, what with his track record of worming his way into people's pants – but his captain is... his captain. jonathan price. a real force of nature, cursed with an uncanny determinism and a habit of getting what he wants regardless of if those around him are willing. gaz knows that price will find out eventually; when the ring he's been planning to purchase for months finds it's way onto your finger, and he requests a change be made to the dependants section of his paperwork. perhaps before then too, if he really did some digging. but gaz also knows that, if there were anyone to trust with this precious knowledge, it'd be him.

so, he tells him about the little number he's got tucked away in a home in south oxfordshire. it's the lazy afternoon before a big mission, and he shouldn't be drinking but he is, a tumbler cradled between his palms and the burn of rye whiskey loosening his tongue. price doesn't speak, just listens, as the sergeant gradually devolves into more and more detail about your meeting, your courtship, the work you distract yourself with when he's not around. and despite his reverence, he admits it all breathlessly, a sheepishness pervading every word. how is he expected to keep his composure when the air is so heavy? unrelenting scrutiny and the potent waft of cigar-smoke draw a hot flush to his skin, the older man humming every so often as a prompt for him to continue.

he wants to, oddly enough. gaz is a reticent man, second only to ghost when it comes to keeping his life private. but something about this circumstance has him ready to lay it all bare. he wants to tell price about how you kiss his neck, the wicked fucking ways in which you use your mouth to milk him dry. he wants to pull out his phone, scroll through the hidden album full of pictures of your tits, of home-made films that paint you in a cum-covered, dazzling light. he wants price to know that he chose right, wants to hear the praise whispered in his ear as his captain lays a sturdy clap onto his back.

instead, he shrugs.

"not much more to tell, cap."

"damn shame." price taps his cigar to rid of the ashes. "sounds like a proper match, garrick. good for you."

and it's enough. a big enough lump of wood to keep the needy fire in his belly roaring. he shifts in his seat to dissuade the heat, rubbing his jaw in contemplation like he hasn't already thought of a perfect way to reap more.

"tell you what, sir. we survive this next assignment, i'll bring you over to meet 'er."

it's a hairbreadth escape, but they do manage to make it back alive, albeit a bit more scarred than they once were. gaz gets home late at night to find you awake, waiting on him despite the incredibly short notice he'd given you for his arrival. it's there – in the foyer, his nose buried in your neck as you babble on about how much you missed him, and what you'll make for breakfast to celebrate, and questions like hey, are you okay? that cut looks fresh or when was the last time you slept? – that he breaks the news. you'll be having his captain over for dinner in two week's time.

of course you're overjoyed. you've been begging to meet the people he risks his life with ever since he told you what he did for work. the planning is immediate. you're dumping recipes on him the next morning, asking for his opinion on what appetiser, main, and dessert your guest of honour would enjoy best. and what's his poison, anyway? i can get my hands on a nice bottle of scotch if you think it'd be worth it. kyle doesn't have the heart to tell you that nothing you'll do would matter much, that price has already taken a liking to you. besides, if anything, your homemaking ability makes him chub up in his pants. best not to rob himself of that delight.

the night arrives as quick as it had been put forward. gaz has to dodge your attempts to put a tie on him, stifles your complaints with a kiss and insists that it's not that kind of dinner party. you're confused (bless you) but flit around making last minute preparations in your bustier midi-dress anyway, kitten-heels clicking against the polished hardwood floors. at a certain point, he can tell that you're fussing over nothing and pulls you by the hand to stand by the doorway with him.

"there's something i didn't mention earlier." he whispers when you're finally settled, tucking his index finger under your chin. your brows knit anxiously. he pecks the canyons between them, stroking your bottom lip until the frazzled energy bleeds from you.

"why would you wait? there's not enough t–"

"not exactly something you can plan for, doll. s'just gonna happen." when you fail to push him for more context, he sighs. "price is expecting to see you."

"sure... that's the whole point, isn't it?"

"no, sweetheart." gaz's free hand wraps around your waist, lowering until it reaches the plush sweel of your ass. his touch lays breadcrumbs for you to follow, leading you down the very depraved path he's trekked a million times the past few weeks. "i mean all of you."

your lips part in realization. oh. he's scared straight for a second, heart hammering like it always does when he reveals a darker fantasy to you. but you merely smile – anxious, sure, pupils clouded with fresh concern, but a smile nonetheless – and accept his admission gracefully.

"and you want me to let him?"

gaz nods. "if you'd please."

you place a chaste kiss on his cheek, careful not to smear your makeup onto his clean-shaven skin. "okay."

he visibly slackens, an edge of playfulness cutting it's way back into his tone. "what's say we take those panties off, make things easier when the time arrives?"

"can' remember the last time i had a beef welly this good, love. family recipe?"

"yes, actually! but it took me some time to perfect for my own. the original called for sherry in the duxelle, but i always thought wine was better suited."

kyle doesn't know if he's ever been more proud of you.

you're a vision. the paradigm of charm. he half feared things to would be awkward following your conversation at the doorway, but aside from the first few minutes of price's arrival – the time it took everyone to thaw the ice of unfamiliarity – you've been anything but stilted. in fact, he worries that you missed the true implication of his request – of the direction things will take later – given the way you laugh openly. the ease in which you bridge conversation topics. your attentiveness, eyes roving over both your boyfriend and his captain to ensure everyone has everything they need. you certainly don't act like a girl who's going to be nakedly appraised tonight. all the expected clumsiness, the stumbling over your own words, replaced instead by eloquence and quick wit.

sweet girl. bloody... beautiful, darling girl.

price seems to think so too. he chuckles heartily at the stories you offer of kyle failing learning to waterski during your anniversary trip to mauritius (and offers his own insight too, something along the lines of how you'd expect the sergeant to be better balanced, given he's survived hanging off a helicopter before). offers some solid advice on how to deal with the ostentatious coworker whose been bugging you for months. and when you question him about his personal life – a line every good soldier knows not to take with their CO, which has gaz wincing internally – all your guest offers is a genuine, crinkle-eye smile. no doubt appreciative of the non-intrusive manner you ask.

he shoots gaz a look before answering, and it's one full of tacky warmth. a look he's seen several times on the field, molasses sweet and satisfying, one that invades his private thoughts too often to admit. whose effect he knows only comes off in a cold shower, a quick pump to his cock if you're not around to help relieve it. something like approval. unspoken praise.

"wish i could say i've been blessed like the two of ya. married to my work, m'afraid."

"oh." you wave your arms, standing to clear the table of dirty plates. "don't be ridiculous, john. you're a wonderful man. put yourself out there and i'm sure it'll come to you." you say it like it's breathing, and just as easily prance away to the kitchen, your voice losing to the clatter of silverware in the sink. thus, when you yell out something about dessert (price is really only able to decipher i made madeira! over the illegible chorus of cabinets closing) kyle is the one to answer you. well-trained in untangling your voice from any sort of ruckus, poor cell reception and moans and drunk gibberish and the obstructive fabric of his hoodie when you sob into his chest.

"maybe later, doll!" he voices back, scratching the back of his neck as he takes in the food still laid out in front of them. picked apart by hungry forks but still, enough to make up days worth of leftovers.

"mm. the girl stuffed me full, garrick." price stretches from his seat. "if i didnt know any better, i'd reckon you lot were fattening me up to feast on me come winter."

gaz stores the remains of your meal into nearby tupperwares then follows suit, urging his captain to follow him into the lounge. "please," he laughs, nodding when the man pulls a cigar from his pocket and twists it in a silent question. "she thinks they starve us out there. tries to make up for it by feedin' me into oblivion when i'm home."

"speak for yourself. i could do with a home-cooked meal every now 'n' then." the captain takes a puff of the maduro between his fingers, lets the smoke cloud his hindbrain. your house smells so much like you, like kyle and you – warm laundry and anise and jasmine – that he feels a quick lick of guilt at ruining the fragile balance of it. too little too late, too – the scent of leather and oily spice pervades the space.

but you don't mention it once you waltz back in, smoothing your hands across the back of your dress. "if we don't get a chance to try the cake tonight, remind me to send you home with some, john." gaz poorly conceals his laugh with a cough, sinking into the cushion when you shoot him an offended look. "what?"

"nothing," he pouts, then hides his next words behind the back of his hand, whispering to price. "i told you."

"i can hear you, you twat!" you flick his ear, brows furrowed in faux irritation as your boyfriend wraps an arm around your legs.

"i know! hey– i know, gorgeous. was only joking." his forehead nudges your tummy, restless until you comb your hand over his tight curls. "th'captain knows that too. isn't that right, sir?"

"of course."

"you laugh now, but wait until you're halfway through a month long mission. you'll wish you had me around!"

"don't i know it." kyle murmurs, the fingers at the back of your thigh slowly creeping upward. the skirt of your dress slips, climbs up your legs with the motion of his forearm, and all too suddenly he remembers your lack of undergarments.

fuck. he almost forget he pocketed your panties. and you... you've been so natural, such a good hostess despite the cold brush of air constantly on your cunt. it flips a primal switch inside him – that same trigger that'd prompted mention of this night in the first place. blood rushes to his cock so fast it hurts, desperation flooding his lungs until the only thing he can breathe out is your name.

"hmmm." you smile in return. and if price weren't here, he'd bury his nose into the canyon between your legs and take a deep inhale of your natural musk.

but he is, and so all gaz can manage is a quiet: "how about you show the captain our little surprise?"

"oh?" the man in question hums. dangerously relaxed, two legs spread and his posture curved as he watches the little display you put on for him. "what's this about a surprise, then?"

you bite your lip, raking your nails down from your boyfriend's neck to his shoulder and placing a tight, reassuring squeeze there before breaking away. nothing is said as you push an ottoman between price's knees, making sure it's steady before pushing him to rest against the back of the couch.

"do you like my dress?" you practically purr, bending over as to pronounce your tits. kyle's breath stutters, watching for the way superior's eyes take in your form. gratification swells in his belly when he just smiles, patting your hip.

"s'that really a question that needs to be asked, lovie? you know the answer."

an adorable mix between a shrug and giggle is all you give. "kyle says you want to see me."

"aye. i do."

"and i wanna make him happy."

"same for me."

and kyle thinks he could just cum in his pants if this keeps up. he feels filthy, both an observer and the main act in this spectacle. the knowledge that his captain doesn't just want you, the love of his life, but him too works away at him, hollowing him out until he's nothing but a husk of docile yearning.

"so, what'll it be?" you say.

"turn around. elbows on the ottoman, knees on either side of my thighs."

you obey instantly, lamplight catching the heated flush of your skin while you position yourself according to price's wishes. your back arcs so that your ass is prominently within his view, plump even beneath the loose material of your dress.

"kyle."

"sir." he coughs, shifting to conspicuously adjust the aching mass tucked in his waistband.

"on your knees, son. righ' here beside me. when i ask a question, you're expected to answer."

"yes, sir."

"got tha' that, lovie?" he grunts. "respond now, and then it's silence from you."

"okay!" you wiggle your hips, forgetting yourself for a moment. "sir!"

this gaz can do. following orders. grounded pragmatism, however far this is from a professional setting. he figures price has gleaned as much, has given him this task so he doesn't flounder off track throughout the evening and ruin things for everyone. the hard part is over then, all of that hesitant foreplay – of opening up, getting you to agree, of the stretch of time it took for everyone to warm up to one another – wrapped up for something simpler.

all he has to worry about is answering promptly and correctly while he watches his captain–

flip your skirt over your hips.

a low whistle. then, two hands on your backside, kneading the soft flesh there. working either globe apart like dough, the glistening seam of your most private parts spread open to prying eyes. price appraises your cunt for the first time like he would a winning showdog, or the sky on a particularly pleasant day. all utilitarian-like. if it weren't for the bulge in his trousers, your boyfriend would almost be offended.

"no panties, hm?"

"no-" you start, squeaking out an apology when you earn a firm swat to your thigh.

"i asked her to go without them tonight. thought... you'd appreciate it, sir." kyle replies, swallowing the saliva that arises upon seeing your lips flutter.

"good lad." a hot flash of arousal breaks across his chest. the captain lets go of his grip on your ass, watching how the fat jiggles back into place, then returns to squeezing it. "surprised i couldn't smell 'er, way she was dancing around us all night."

it isn't a question, so gaz stays quiet.

the groping continues. sometimes its light – brushes of calloused palms across the area, disturbing the stillness like a rock skipping over water. you ripple when he pokes, shake when he taps. other times, and increasingly once price notes your resilience to pain, it borders on rough. moulding your flesh into compact pinches, jabbing his thumb into the softness so hard it'll bruise. you take it all with grace, a low whine building in your chest that he let's go unpunished.

"she's taking this well. you rough her up often?"

"when she asks, sir." he thinks for a moment, catching your wily smile from the corner of his eye. minx. "likes it more than i do giving it to her."

"need someone to take care of the both of ya." price chuckles, then moves on, oblivious to the way the sergeant's hips buck at his implication. or, maybe he notices – probably does – and stores it away for another time. "looks like a greedy little pussy to me." his thumbs hook onto either side of your labia, pulling it apart like fresh bed to reveal the sloppy mess between. your clit is enflamed, angry for being neglected for so long. if you were allowed to speak, kyle can guarantee with almost a hundred percent certainty that you'd be whining to be touched. "look a' tha'." price's accent grows thicker. "fat little thing just jumping for attention."

he curls a finger, then flicks the swollen bud. a loud moan bursts from you, your face falling between your forearms as you hold yourself back from begging. gaz would've acquiesced by now, would've rubbing the bundle of nerves raw the second you fanned your pretty lashes up at him.

but price snaps it three more times in rapid succession, which apparently is too much for you to handle because you yell. "p-please!"

he remedies your slip up with a slap to the same area. the crack on impact echoes long enough to tell him that one hurt. "shhh. so spoiled, sergeant. how often do you make her cum?"

"a-at least three times a go, sir."

"what's the record?"

"eight."

"and the longest you've held off?"

kyle hesitates, bowing his head for the reprimand he knows is coming. "never... never tried. sir."

"tch."

a precision blow. swift but petrifying. the captain's managed to find both your loose strings in a matter of minutes, tugging to see them come undone on his lap. gaz has got the unwavering urge to rest his chin on his strong thigh, put it on the record that he isn't weak willed, just indulgent. something that can be easily remedied, with his guidance. if he'd let him.

and you...

you're gyrating your hips, begging for some pressure on your aching centre. price gives it to you, though not in the way you expect, pinching your clit and tightening his hold until you're motionless, muscles trembling but otherwise perfectly poised.

so the inspection continues. he fans out your vulva, exposing the hole that clenches around nothing. a laugh wracks his frame at the sight, the aftermath of it husky. amused. "begging to be filled, a'right. how many cocks has she had in 'ere?"

"just mine, sir. and her toys."

"how about at once?"

kyle's never been so bold with you; has always held back that godless part of him, that needy dog he sees his comrades often embrace. pure, unfettered degeneracy. you're soft, and pretty and good and a high-functioning member of society. and he's never once wanted to see you hurt, uncomfortable or bite-mark-bloodied, despite the way his mind screams at him to at least ask. see if you'd be willing to appease that side of him.

yet you visibly shiver at the thought proposed by price, gooseflesh pocking your skin, and he knows he should have thrown caution to the wind.

"one, sir."

he watches the man's finger outline the circumference of your opening, dipping in by the millimetre to test the waters. "shame. could probably stretch her out. get 'er nice and loose for whenever you wan' something to keep you warm without the commitment."

the finger plunges in.

gaz watches you swallow his superior to the last knuckle in what must be a world-record, no time to blink lest he misses it. price goes with the motion, setting his free hand onto your ass to keep you steady as he wiggles his digit to make space amidst the tight embrace of your walls. or, that's what he thinks is happening. the only indication he has of things are the lewd squelches your cunt emits and the face of pure ecstasy you pull. but he's well-versed enough in your bodily functions that he's sure of his estimate.

"scratch wha' i said. nothing beats this." his superior groans, and for the first time that night, adjusts himself in his pants. kyle wishes he would pull it out, allow himself the relief of freeing a raging hard-on from its confines. but kyle also wishes that he could be given something to do, something with his mouth perhaps, to sate the unaddressed thrill in his bones. it wouldn't take a smart man to figure out that both wishes are very much correlated. "fucking suffocating clutch. wouldn' pull out if my life depended on it. pussy like this isn' made for that, garrick."

"sir?"

"you cum inside her, lad?"

"i- yes. i-i do. she's on birth control."

"best to see to that, then." he says, like the contraceptive is an obstacle and not a consolation. you release another, long-winded moan, to which price pulls his finger out to pat your vulva. like taming a wild animal. "though what i said still stands. could always do with a loose hole."

his hand inches up.

this time, it's gaz who groans.

loudly. his eyes fluttering halfway shut, hands tugging at the tight fabric over his groin. you throw a curious look over your shoulder, concern glossing your pupils until you confirm that the source of the sound isn't pain, but pleasure. ecstasy at finally having his wants vocalised, that incessant impulse that nags and nags and nags anytime he's fucking you from behind, tight rim practically leering up at him, tempting him to thrust upwards and 'accidentally' slip in.

"you like that, sergeant? hm? ever use this asshole? it looks unbroken to me."

"y-you're... not wrong, sir. i–"

"but you want to?" he finishes for him, scooping some of the abundant slick from your cunt and slathering it onto your back entrance. it's not enough lubrication to do anything but press one thumb in, but he repeats the process to push the other in alongside it.

"yeah."

you give him a look that can't mean anything except we'll talk about this later and he can bloody kiss price if he was given permission to, if not for anything but helping him open this impossible subject with you.

"we'll see to tha' some other day, then."

his thumbs retreat. your hole winks shut again. gaz is torn between looking at you or his captain, but the latter man robs him of the indecision by bringing his dominant index and middle fingers to his lips. they're shiny with the remnants of your fluids, as if he needed any incitement to wrap his mouth around the digits. he works at them until price's fingers prune, laving his tongue around the knuckles, against the nail beds, all the way through to the fold of skin between them.

so desperate to please, to see to it that 'some other day' is everyday henceforth.

a future with price by your sides. beyond just the field. the bite in your supple existence. spice supporting anise and jasmine, some aphrodisiac blend that'll carry you through to the end of your lives, happy. sated. a mediator. commander. captain. his captain.

"that's a good boy."

he could really get used to this.

[youunravelme]

this is how you fall in love

author's note: let it be known, i've never been to jfk airport, and it probably shows. sue me. also sorry this took SO FUCKING LONG to write. it lowkey put me in a writing slump because it's just a monster but i hope you can forgive me. this fic is literally 18,952 words long, so i apologize in advance.

pairing: mat barzal x reader

summary: when confronted with the idea of going home without a date, you lie and say you have a boyfriend. which would be fine, except you haven't dated anyone seriously in a year. so instead of facing the ridicule of your family, you ask mat.

warnings: cursing (this is a given at this point), mean girl behavior?

you weren't quite sure why you said it.

actually.

scratch that.

you were 1000 percent sure why you said it.

you could not, would not be the family embarrassment yet again.

if you got one more wedding invitation in the mail, you were going to scream. you were happy for all your college friends, really, you were, but it was the presence of this one particular wedding invitation from your cousin angela that had you seething.

mainly because it was accompanied by a phone call from your mother.

"i told angela that she didn't need to put a plus one down for you, but she insisted. so don't feel bad if you don't have someone, sweetheart. plenty of people are still single at your age."

maybe it was the irritation at your mother's condescension, or the exhaustion from being the butt of every family joke for the past five years, that had you saying something you wish you could take back.

"i do have someone, mom!"

her scoff resonated through the speaker. "honey, you don't have to lie--"

"i'm not lying! it's mat!"

the pause that followed your white lie was louder than the new york city streets just outside your apartment.

"your friend, mat? you told me you'd never see him that way!" she accused.

you shrugged, despite her not seeing you. and thank goodness for that, she'd immediately know you were lying if she could see your face. "something just clicked."

"how long has this been going on?"

"a few months."

"and you never told us?"

"we wanted to keep it lowkey until we knew this was something real."

your mom hummed but seemed appeased. "well, i can't wait to meet him. you are coming down a week early, right?"

in hindsight, you should've told mat immediately instead of postponing it until two weeks before you had to leave. but he was out of town for games, then you had a work trip, and then time slipped away from you.

but there was nothing you and a tub of bubblegum ice cream couldn't accomplish together.

at least in matters of mathew barzal.

he answered the door a few seconds after you knocked. a smile overtook his face until his eyes dropped down to the ice cream in your hands.

"what do you need?" he asked with a quirked brow.

"who says i need something?" you blinked in what you hoped was an innocent manner.

mat sighed and opened the door wide enough for you to come in. "because you have ice cream, and you showed up at my door unannounced." but he took the ice cream from your hands anyway. "how'd you even know i was home?"

you shrugged and plopped onto his couch. "i checked your location."

mat blinked. "you have my location? since when?"

you rolled your eyes. "you make me sound like a stalker, you made me share my location with you when i was out drinking with my coworkers and i demanded to have yours as well."

you didn't get to see mat's face because he was walking into his kitchen to put the ice cream away.

"so why are you here?" he asked once he returned.

"can't i just come over and visit my best friend?"

mat blinked. "no. you want something. what is it?"

you threw yourself back into the couch cushions and groaned, tossing an arm over your eyes. "you're not allowed to judge me."

"well that doesn't sound fun."

"mat, i'm serious, okay? i got myself into some shit and you're the only one i trust to help me out."

you felt the couch cushions sink next to you. a hand removed your arm from your face. "are you safe?" he asked. "are you in trouble? do we need to get the police involved?"

you looked at the concern on his face and sat up immediately. "no! no no no no no! it's not like that, i just happened to lie to my mom and need your help."

"why would you need my help to lie to your mom? you're not making any sense."

you took a deep breath and squeezed your eyes shut. "i told my mom we were dating so i had someone to bring to my cousin's wedding."

a pause, followed by mat's obnoxious laughter.

"you told your mom we're dating?" he choked out between cackles. "how did you manage not to vomit after saying that?"

you rolled your eyes at his barbs. "you were the first person to come to mind! what else should i have done?"

"jeez i don't know, told the truth?"

you flopped back onto the couch again. "no, mat, you don't understand. you didn't hear how she was talking to me! 'plenty of people are still single at your age!' i mean the gall of that woman!"

mat laughed again. "'gall?'"

"yes, mat, some of us use words bigger than a fifth grader's vocabulary."

"careful, that's no way to talk to your boyfriend, now is it?"

you scoffed. "boyfriend? are you--" then it hit you. "you'll do it? you'll be the fake love of my life?" you jumped off the couch.

mat smiled and leaned back into the cushions. "ask nicely."

you rolled your eyes but a smile was already pulling at your lips. "mathew michael paul barzal, will you please be my boyfriend?"

he crossed his hands behind his head and smirked. "calm down, you don't have to beg."

"i would throw something at you, but you're already doing me such a huge favor."

"you owe me one," he smirked.

oh, you'd owe him big.

one week till going home

"okay, so how did we meet?" you and mat were seated at a booth in a coffee shop the both of you liked to frequent.

"no need to reinvent the wheel," he said. "let's just tell them the truth."

"that we met at a bar through mutual friends? that's so unromantic!"

mat rolled his eyes. "we're not a fucking rom com, sweetheart. we're lying to your family and being as honest as possible makes the lying look more convincing."

you sighed and sat back in your seat. honestly, you had no reason to be frustrated. mat was doing you a favor, not the other way around. and with it being the offseason, it wasn't lost on you how much mat was giving up to play house with you. he could be visiting his own family instead of lying to yours.

yet here he was, sitting across from you with his disgusting black coffee.

you must've been staring at his cup because he snapped his fingers in your face. "what? what're you staring at?"

your face twisted in disgust. "can't believe you like that shit. no cream or sugar?"

mat eyed the frappuccino nestled in your hands. "i'm sorry, i didn't realize milkshakes qualify as coffee nowadays."

"you're just mad that my drink tastes good."

mat rolled his eyes. "keep telling yourself that."

you looked down at your phone at your notes app agenda. you deleted the intricate backstory bullet point and moved onto bullet point number two.

"okay, how long have we been dating?"

mat blinked. "you're the liar, you tell me."

god, why were you friends with him in the first place?

"i told my mom we've been together for a few months but i'm not sure what constitutes a few."

mat shrugged. "let's say we got together around the time of my injury when you nursed me back to health and realized how handsome i was."

you rolled your eyes, but wrote it down in your notes app anyway. "okay so where was our first date?"

"am i the one who has to answer all of these questions? who says we even need all of this? it's not like they're gonna lock us in a room and interrogate us separately."

"my brother would say otherwise." mat gestured for you to go on. "when we met his girlfriend, my family immediately separated them so they could bombard them with questions. but since everyone will be focused on my cousin's wedding, we should be good."

"who should i be worried about?"

you thought for a moment, in your opinion, your entire family was a concern in terms of introducing them to mat.

there was your brother, who could be an ass in a heartbeat; though, when you thought about it, he'd probably just leave the two of you alone.

your dad and mom would probably ask a few questions. your grandmother would probably be too busy trying to stuff her cooking down his throat to really pose a problem.

if you were being honest, you were concerned about your cousin, angela.

she wasn't what you would call a "girl's girl." throughout your childhood, it was like she was competing against you in a competition you didn't want to be in. who had the bigger birthday, the most friends, the most boyfriends, the bigger house, the better car, the better college.

it used to bother you more when you were younger. the way she'd flirt with your boyfriends or bribe your friends to hang out with her. it was made worse by the enabling of your parents and aunt.

"just keep an eye out for angela," was all you said.

mat's brow furrowed. "your cousin? why?"

you'd never fully told him about your less than perfect relationship with her, but considering the two of you were in a public setting and he wasn't your therapist? you kept that information to yourself and just shrugged.

"we don't have the best relationship."

mat seemed to understand you didn't want to speak on it anymore so he nodded and gestured to your phone. "is your phone ready to be seen by your family?"

"i'm sorry, what? why would my family go through my phone?"

"they'll at least want to see that i'm your lock screen, you're mine, after all."

"i am not." but mat held up his phone and sure enough it was a picture of you and him after one of his games, wearing his jersey with your arms wrapped around his waist. "you're shitting me, why?"

mat shrugged and locked his phone, placing it down on the table. "i looked good in the photo."

you wanted to call bullshit, but he was already doing you a favor, so you let it go.

"fine," you said. "i'll change my lock screen." you scrolled through your photos until you found one you liked.

"can i see it?" he asked.

you immediately held your phone to your chest. "no!"

"i showed you mine!"

"that sounds like a you problem!"

"but it's not fair!" he whined.

"life's not fair, barzy."

he rolled his eyes but dropped the subject, knowing full well he could make you show him just by bringing up the favor he was doing for you. but for some reason, he decided to let it go.

"anything else?" mat asked before checking his watch.

you looked down at your notes app and couldn't find a reason to get him to stay. "no, i think that's it. why, do you have somewhere to be?"

he shrugged. "just meeting up with a couple of my teammates."

"during the offseason? don't you get enough of each other during the regular season?"

"sure, but we miss each other sometimes. i mean we go from seeing all the time to nothing. plus you got me staying in the city a little longer than normal."

you rolled your eyes. "you didn't have to say yes."

but he smiled anyway. "i know." he stood up from the table and knocked on it once. "text me the dates of travel this week so i can put them on my calendar. i'll get the plane tickets. let me know if you need anything else!"

he pressed a kiss on the top of your head and then he was gone.

an older woman stood up and walked towards you and smiled. "i just wanna say, you and your boyfriend are so cute together!"

maybe the whole fake dating thing would be easier than you thought.

going home

you slept over at mat's the night before leaving for the airport because it would make things easier on marty who agreed to drive you both to the airport. you weren't exactly sure how mat convinced marty to do it, but you made it a habit of not asking questions you didn't want the answer to.

"thanks again for the ride, marty," you said from the backseat.

originally, you and mat were fighting over who got to sit in the front, but not in the way others might expect. he said it was polite to let ladies sit in the front (which, when has he ever called you a lady?). you said he had the longer legs and needed the space.

marty groaned at the both of you to stop wasting his gas and to get in the damn car, i swear to god, barzy.

you got the backseat simply because you got in and shut the door before mat could pull you out.

"where are you and barzy headed?" marty asked.

"back to my hometown. my cousin is getting married," you supplied before he had time to ask follow up questions.

"and you chose barzy to be your date?"

you awkwardly chuckled. "tito was already in canada and i didn't have it in me to ask him to come back to the states."

"oh fuck off," mat said from the front seat.

the drive continued with you sporadically staring out the window or tuning into the conversation mat and marty were having about offseason workouts and the nba finals. when marty pulled up to the airport, mat was the first one out, opening your door a beat later.

he grabbed both of your bags in his hands, saying a quick thanks to his teammate for the both of you before shutting the trunk.

"i can carry my bags, mat."

he laughed, but otherwise continued on like he hadn't heard you. if you were a better woman, or maybe someone who hadn't been friendzoned for the last few years, you would've acknowledged the veins in his arms popping out under the strain of your luggage.

but you'd been down that road before back before you were friends and just admiring a handsome stranger from across the bar.

look at how that turned out for you.

you were expecting to split up at TSA since you knew mat had pre check and you most certainly did not. you were expecting him to hand your bags over (a backpack and a carry on) and head in the pre check lane.

so imagine your surprise when he not only refused to hand your bags over, he continued walking to the normal security check.

"mat," you hissed, but he kept walking. "mat." you stood on your toes and grabbed his shoulder to keep him from walking, but he brushed you off. so you stopped moving altogether until he noticed you weren't following him anymore.

"will you come on? you're gonna make us late!" he turned around, looking exasperated for some reason, like he wasn't the one being weird.

"mat, you need to go that way." you pointed to the pre check area.

he blinked at you, rolled his eyes, and turned around and kept walking.

"mathew michael paul barzal, where are you going?" you called after him, practically running to catch up to his long strides.

"i thought it was obvious, i'm headed to security," he deadpanned.

"but your security is that way mr. pre check."

"i'm not doing pre check. i'm going through regular security like you."

"why?"

mat glanced down at you and by that look alone, you would've thought you were the dumbest person alive in his mind. "please don't play dumb, it's not cute."

"i'm not playing dumb! and i don't care about being cute!"

"i'm not going to abandon you at tsa. i'd feel much better if we stick together, happy?" he stopped walking altogether and fixed you with a look. one that kept you rooted to your spot. "you happy, now?" you nodded. "good, let's go."

you followed after him and got in line.

tsa took a total of 20 minutes to get through. mat insisted you go first which meant you put your backpack on and grabbed your carry on before he could.

"you're ridiculous," he said as the both of you started the trek towards your gate.

"you sound like my mother," you quipped.

the rest of your walk was spent in peaceful silence. the both of you made it to the gate with about thirty minutes until boarding, which was the latest you'd ever arrived to a gate before.

you and mat argued about when to arrive the night before.

he won.

mainly because he was the one to tell marty when to pick you up from his apartment.

it felt like no time had passed when the gate attendant started speaking over the intercom. instinctively, you zoned out. you weren't an idiot, you knew when to board. this wasn't your first rodeo.

but mat started standing up when the gate attendant started calling for the first group.

you tugged his shirt sleeve. "mat, what the hell?"

it was a good thing your family wasn't there to see all the drama that unfolded between the two of you in the airport. anyone who watched the two of you since you'd arrived wouldn't believe you were in love.

not when you were actively getting on each other's nerves.

"will you stop?" he swatted your hand away only to grab it a second later to tug you into a standing position.

"what are you doing? we don't get on the plane yet--"

but he cut you off when he shoved a plane ticket in your hand with the words first class written on it.

"mat..." you trailed off. "what is this?"

he glanced down at you and rolled his eyes. "don't act like you've never seen a plane ticket before."

"asshole. why is it first class?"

he shrugged but wouldn't meet you eye. "i get more leg room."

"but why wouldn't you just put me in economy? mat i can't afford to pay you back for this!" you were panicking and beginning to think about how much you'd have to save before you could venmo him the full amount. you were about to pull your phone out to see how much it would cost before he grabbed your hand again, this time squeezing it in his own.

"don't worry about it," he said calmly. "i wasn't gonna let you sit alone, and i have the money for it, so i did it."

"but i can't afford--"

"i was never gonna let you pay me back anyways, so don't even think about how much it cost." while still holding onto your hand, he guided the both of you over to the gate entrance where your tickets were scanned so you could board.

you were sitting in first class moments later.

mat let you take the window seat while he got the aisle, saying it gave him more space, but you liked to think it was because he knew you liked watching the changing landscapes.

when the plane took off, mat leaned his head back in the seat and plugged his airpods in, closing his eyes as he did so. you mentally slapped yourself for forgetting yours, stupidly thinking that maybe mat would want to talk when he'd been uncharacteristically quiet the entire trip thus far.

you sat back in your seat and looked out the window as the clouds passed by. worries of how your family would react to mat, or worse, how mat would react to your family, filling your mind.

god you didn't think you could stomach losing him. in fact, maybe your entire idea was too risky. you'd take being the butt of the family jokes for years to come if it meant you got to keep mat. if you lost him--

your hand was squeezed twice.

you looked away from the window to mat who was holding your hand again and had an airpod out.

"you're thinking too loud," he said. "you okay?"

you nodded but it was clear he didn't believe you. nonetheless, he didn't push. instead, he held an airpod out to you. the tones of some pop song filled your ear.

mat didn't let go of your hand for the entire rest of the plane ride.

as soon as the plane hit the tarmac, mat was taking his airpod back and stuffing both into the case and back into his backpack. you texted your mom to let her know you'd just landed and would be getting an uber to her house.

while you were texting your mother, mat was grabbing your bags and holding up the line so you could slide out.

he didn't even acknowledge the glares and eye rolls being shot at both of you.

you and mat started your walk off the plane and towards the exit of the airport.

"so remind me who i need to be concerned about meeting? is it your dad?"

you laughed. your father was a lot of things, intimidating was not even remotely close to one. "not even close. it's angela that's the problem the problem."

"angela's the one getting married, right?" you nodded. "why are you concerned about her? she'll be too focused on getting married."

you laughed. actually, cackled. "she's had this planned out since we were seven. i'd bet my first born child that she has all of this finalized months ago."

"anything else i should know?" he asked.

you thought to yourself. what could you say about angela that wouldn't be mean but still be true?

"just....stay close. we need to go everywhere together, understood?"

he furrowed his brows. "even to the bathroom?"

you thought back to that one time in 11th grade when you didn't follow your boyfriend to the bathroom. "especially then," you said.

"got it. stick to you like glue."

you were staring at your phone and opening up your uber app when mat nudged you, but you ignored him.

but he nudged you before just grabbing your phone out of your hand.

"what?!" you asked.

he pointed. "is that your mom?"

a cold chill went down your back as you made eye contact with the woman who was your carbon copy holding a sign with yours and mat's (albeit spelled wrong) names on it. she was smiling and waving erratically with the hand that wasn't holding onto the poster.

"oh my god."

before you could even stop him, mat was walking towards your mom with an award winning smile. to your absolute horror, he placed your bags on the ground and allowed her to wrap him in a hug.

you zombie walked over to them, like you were trapped in some fever dream.

"honey!" she squealed when she pulled away from mat. "you didn't tell me how handsome mat was!" she said not so quietly.

god you wanted to die. curl up and die right there on the airport floor.

mat was snickering into his fist at your reaction.

maybe you should've asked beau instead.

home

your mom parked the car in the driveway; she nearly swooned when mat opened your car door for you and grabbed all of your bags.

"such a gentleman," was all she said before heading up the front porch.

the two of you followed your mother into your house where your dad, your brother, and his girlfriend sat in the living room.

"mat," you started. "this is my dad, my brother cody, and his girlfriend harper. guys, this is mat."

"i would wave, but my hands are full."

"oh honey, stop being rude and show mat to your room."

you blinked. "you mean, our rooms, right?" your mother and father were very traditional in that sense. so you'd banked on having to share a bathroom at most with mat.

not an entire bedroom.

not a tiny bed.

"we're not gonna act like the two of you haven't slept together already. i was born at night, but not last night," your father said from his position in the recliner.

you could hear mat choking on air while your brother cackled.

"besides," your mother cleared her throat. "cody's old room has been converted into an office, so that just leaves the queen bed in your room, sweetheart. that won't be a problem, will it?"

you shook your head, though you very much wanted to curl up in a hole and die. "no ma'am, that'll be fine."

your father crossed his hands over his stomach and leveled mat with a heated stare. "just because i know the two of you have slept together does not mean under any circumstances that it should happen under this roof. do you understand me, son?"

mat nodded, though he looked the most uncomfortable you'd ever seen him. "yes sir."

"oh honey," your mother started. "let them go settle in. dinner will be in an hour."

you led mat up the stairs and to your childhood bedroom. you finally gave up on offering to help carry the bags. mat, for the most part, looked happy to do something with his hands all things considered.

the room hadn't changed much since you moved out and away from home. the walls were still lilac, the carpet was still cream.

but the dolls you had growing up were missing, and for that, you were thankful.

mat dropped the bags on the ground and shut the door behind him. his shoulders relaxed for the first time since getting off the airplane.

"your family's nice," he said.

you immediately flocked to him until there was only about a foot between you. "mat, i'm so sorry. i didn't think they'd make us share a room, they never let cody do that growing up."

he smiled and placed his hands on your shoulders. "it's okay. it's just for a week. we've fallen asleep together on the couch before, it'll be just like that, just in a bed, okay? and i promise i won't stare when you get changed."

you nodded and wrapped your arms around his waist. "this is already so overwhelming."

"hey, we're the dream team, okay? i'm the best liar ever. we've got this in the bag."

and when he sounded so confident, how could you possibly believe otherwise?

the two of you got settled in your room before completely kicking off your shoes, changing into comfier clothes (with you in the closet and mat in the room) and settling into bed just to scroll on your phones. your mom came knocking before too long to tell you dinner was ready.

dinner was a pot of spaghetti, your mom's best dish. everyone was seated by the time you and mat made it into the dining room. mat, ever the performer, pulled your chair out and took the seat to your right, choosing to sit next to your mom rather than your father.

"are you waiting for a grand invitation? dig in," your father grunted. his irritation immediately kicked everyone into gear, with your family passing around garlic bread and filling plates with pasta.

the table was quiet aside from the sounds of forks scraping against the plates.

"so mat," cody started. "what do you do for a living?"

"oh," he said, wiping his mouth. "i play professional hockey."

"an athlete?" your mother questioned. "i thought you learned from the last one."

you about dropped your head into your plate. "mom...."

"sorry, sorry, i know we said we wouldn't talk about him, but he's going to be a part of the family soon."

mat's neck should've snapped from how fast he whipped it to look at you.

you nudged his knee under the table with yours. later, you hoped he'd understand.

harper cleared her throat. "what team do you play for?" she asked. "i grew up a devils fan, so i have to know."

"islanders," mat smirked, like it was something to be proud of, and to him, it was. to your family though? they were more concerned with the upcoming college football season to really care.

"oh god," harper replied. "at least you don't play for the rangers."

mat took a sip of his water. "agreed."

"do you still have all your teeth?" cody asked.

you inhaled and started choking on what you guessed was a spaghetti noodle. mat reached over and immediately started patting your back quite forcefully until your airway was cleared.

"yeah," mat said. "still have all my teeth."

"how did you two meet?" your mom asked. clearly your family was in interrogation mode, but at the very least these were questions you prepared for.

"at a bar through some mutual friends," mat answered, knowing good and well they weren't looking for you to say anything, their eyes were solely focused on your best friend.

"and out of all the girls, you picked this one? did you know she couldn't tie her shoes till she was in third grade?" cody laughed.

mat didn't.

which was odd, because he was usually the first one to poke fun at you.

"you wet the bed until you were nine," you shot back, ready to diffuse the tension.

a loud laugh burst from harper's mouth. not even her hand over her lips could quite muffle the volume of it.

cody rolled his eyes but held his hands up. "laugh all you want, harp. you chose this."

she smiled and leaned into him. "i did."

you stared until mat's hand landed on your thigh, effectively snapping you out of your daze. you looked at him and gave him a small smile before eating more of your mom's cooking.

dinner was over shortly thereafter, with small talk being made between the six of you. when it ended, mat was the first one up, grabbing both of your plates, while you grabbed the cups, and followed you into the kitchen.

"oh no, you're not washing dishes," you said when you saw him put the plates in the sink. but he made no sound of hearing you. "mat!" you hissed before placing your cups in the sink and grabbing him by the arm. "you're not washing dishes! you're a guest!"

"neither of you are," your mother walked in. "you just got here. your father and i will clean up dinner, the two of you can go relax and unwind. i'm sure you've had a long day."

"i can help--" mat started.

but your mom started twirling a hand towel with a smile on her face. "don't make me smack you with this, mat." and the very sight of that coupled with the lighthearted threat had you both sprinting out of the kitchen. you'd grown up in that house long enough to remember the sting of the towel on your legs when you annoyed your mother.

you also remembered trying to get back at her once and failing completely.

your father passed the two of you as he walked into the kitchen while your brother and his girlfriend took their spots on the couch. it only left one seat left in the room, your dad's chair. but combined with the air travel, the early morning, you were left exhausted and nothing sounded better than showering and crawling into bed.

"we're gonna head upstairs, long day and all," you said to cody and harper, the inference was that they would tell your parents.

mat followed you up the stairs and into your childhood bedroom. "you take the first shower," you instructed. "i have to wash my hair and it'll take longer."

he nodded and gathered his clothes while you searched your bag for a set of modest pajamas. he finished his shower in about twenty minutes.

you hopped in the shower and went through your routine, washing your hair and body before stepping out and drying off. when you got back to your room, mat was laying in bed under the covers watching the tv on your dresser.

in true fashion, he was watching espn.

"don't you get enough of this during the season? i didn't even know you liked baseball." you crawled into bed and cuddled into mat's clothed chest like you always did.

mat shrugged, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. "i was waiting for you to come back to decide what we should watch."

you hummed and buried your face into his shirt.

cuddling wasn't abnormal for the two of you, most movie nights at mat's place ended with you in similar positions. you were aware his friends made fun of him for it, but mat thrived off physical affection and you were all too willing to give it to him.

"just turn on a movie," you mumbled.

he selected a random mission impossible movie that you couldn't give two shits about. but when the movie and your fresh shower were coupled with mat running a hand up and down your back?

you were out like a light.

exploring the hometown -- the dress shop

it was an alarm that woke you up right as the sun rose. you groaned into your pillow, burying your face into the fabric. a warm arm tightened its grip around your waist. for a moment you freaked out, trying to wriggle away from the person who had you locked in, but the person grumbled and groaned.

"if you keep moving like that, i'm going to need a cold shower. so stop."

oh.

mat.

oh.

you immediately stopped moving and relaxed back into the bed.

"we need to talk," he said.

"can we talk later? it's barely even morning."

but mat had no intention of letting you sleep in. he used his arm to forcibly turn you over to face him. when you looked him in the face, his hair was mussed and in his eyes. before you could even stop yourself, you hand was reaching and moving the hair out of the way.

"what did your mom mean when she said the last athlete you dated was joining the family soon?"

you groaned and shoved your head into his chest, but he lightly pushed your forehead away from him so he could look you in the eyes.

"i'm serious," he said.

you sighed. "i dated this guy in 11th grade, his name was owen and he played football. he was the starting tight end and a grade older than me." you avoided looking at him and instead traced the letters on his islanders t-shirt with your fingers. "things were great, he was nice and all, so i invited him to my birthday party. he went to the bathroom, and i noticed he was gone for awhile so when i went to look for him, he was making out with angela."

mat's grip tightened on your waist. he said your name quietly, but you shook your head.

"it's fine," you said. "i told my parents but angela didn't get in trouble, not really at least. my aunt pressured me to make up with her for the sake of 'family' and 'feminism,' so i accepted her half assed apology and congratulated her when they got engaged a year ago."

"what a bitch," was all mat said.

"mat..."

but he was sitting up and pulling you with him. "no, don't brush this off. what she did was shitty. and your family just expected you to forgive her and watch her get married to him?"

"mat, it happened years ago. forgive and forget."

"i think you mean resent and remember," he grumbled.

"can we just go back to sleep? it's too early for this."

mat huffed but sank back into the mattress.

the two of you fell back asleep until light was hitting you in the eyes. "get up, sleepy heads! you can't sleep the day away!"

you groaned at the sound of your mother's cheering, or maybe it was the bright ceiling light blinding you, either way, the way you woke up the first time was better than this.

"mom, what time is it?"

"a little after 8."

you and mat groaned in unison. "you couldn't let us sleep in?"

"there are things that need to get done, sweetheart. do either of you have something to wear to the wedding?"

"mom, it's too early for this."

she sighed and probably rolled her eyes, something you would notice if you weren't too busy burying your head in the fabric of mat's shirt. in turn, he was burying his face in your hair.

"fine. you two can sleep the day away, but i expect the both of you for dinner tonight and to be dressed appropriately for the family dinner tomorrow." she left shortly thereafter.

"family dinner?" mat asked into your hair. "how is that different from regular dinner?"

"it's with the entire family, not just mine. you'll meet all my cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents there."

"sounds like a lot."

"it is. they did this when my cousin andy got married two years ago."

mat hummed into the top of your head. "sounds exhausting."

"if you don't wanna see me for a month after this week is over, i wouldn't blame you."

he brought you closer to him, which you didn't think was possible considering you two were already pretty close. "i always wanna see you."

you smiled into his shirt, which you were pretty sure he could feel, but neither of you drew attention to it.

"we need to get up," you sighed, pushing away from him just a little.

"i'm already up."

on cue you felt something around your hip that had you squealing and falling out of bed laughing. "you absolute douche!" but it had no real bite since you were holding your stomach and rolling around on the floor laughing.

"what am i supposed to do when i wake up with a pretty girl pressed against me? ignore nature?"

you rolled your eyes and got up, searching through your bag for a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. "get dressed, asshole."

by the time you made it downstairs after taking care of your hair and brushing your teeth, your mother had set out a few granola bars for breakfast.

"i would've made eggs and waffles, but i'm already swamped with helping your aunt, i just didn't have the energy this morning."

"thanks, mom," you smiled and kissed her cheek once before grabbing a granola bar.

"do you know what you're wearing to angela's wedding?" she asked.

you nodded while you chewed your bar. "i brought that blue dress i wore to cody's graduation."

your mom's face twisted into disgust. "that old thing? honey, you can do better than that."

you waited until your mother turned around to roll your eyes only to catch mat coming down the stairs in a t-shirt and jeans.

god he looked so good it should be criminal.

but instead of fawning over him, you just threw a granola bar at his chest with he caught with an ease. "what're we doing today?"

"shopping apparently," you grumbled.

"oh don't give him attitude, honey. you should've packed something more appropriate to the wedding instead of that ratty dress you brought."

"it's not ratty!" you weren't sure why you were defending a dress you didn't care about, you'd only grabbed the first dress you saw in your closet. maybe it was the fact that she was so quick to dismiss something you chose to wear.

"that dress is years old, sweetheart. it's time for something new."

"thanks for the constructive criticism, mom. you never fail to give it at the best times," you deadpanned. you glanced back at mat who was stuffing the granola bar in his mouth. "you ready to go?"

he nodded, still chewing as you started walking towards the door.

"dad! i'm taking your car." you grabbed the keys, then mat's hand, and tugged him out the door.

neither of you spoke until you were already five minutes down the road.

"are you okay?" mat asked, eyes warily staring at your from the passenger seat. "you're gripping the wheel pretty tight."

you looked down at your own hands and eased up. "she just--" you groaned. "she always does this, criticizes me or what i wear. i know she means well, but it's irritating."

"for what it's worth, i liked the blue dress."

you gave him a small smile. "the problem isn't you, mat, it's not even the dress. if my mom thinks it's ratty, angela definitely will. and at the end of the day, i think that's what my mom is trying to save me from."

"why doesn't she just tell angela to mind her own business?"

"question of the year," you grumbled before pulling into the parking lot of a local boutique.

the two of you got out and headed inside, though mat looked a little out of place. "what's the dress code for this wedding anyway?"

"i'm sure if you brought a dress shirt and some slacks, you'll be fine."

you looked around, occasionally checking the dresses on the racks, but nothing caught your eye.

"can i help you find anything?" that voice nearly stopped you in your tracks, it was someone you hadn't thought about since you left for college.

you turned around and smiled at the woman in front of you. last time you saw her, you were standing in matching caps and gowns. you sat next to each other at graduation, and before that, you shared a few classes together. if it wasn't for the bright red hair and the comments your mom had made in the past about her staying in town, you never would've recognized her.

you hoped she wouldn't recognize you.

but she said your name in shock and smiled. "it's been so long!" she said. "back in town for angela's wedding?"

and really, you had no reason to dread this conversation, meredith was as nice as she was in high school. but you weren't sure if anyone was ever this happy to run into someone they knew from high school.

speaking of, you couldn't even remember why you weren't closer to her in high school.

"meredith, hi," you replied. "yes, i'm in town for her wedding. are you going?"

meredith nodded and smiled. "i'm actually her maid of honor."

of course she was.

that explained why you weren't close friends in high school.

"that's so exciting!" you smiled through a clenched jaw.

"i was shocked to hear you weren't in the bridal party though. is everything okay?" meredith sounded genuinely concerned, and while she was sweet, you never remembered her being very observant.

you shrugged. "we've grown apart since i moved away, it's water under the bridge."

meredith nodded until her gaze shifted to behind you were you assumed mat had just appeared. "who's this?"

"this is--"

"i'm mat," he held his hand out to shake. "her boyfriend."

meredith shakily grabbed his hand, you could see it tremble in his grip. "meredith," she practically swooned. a moment passed before she let go of his hand.

you had to keep from rolling your eyes. you were no stranger to mat's effect on women but it didn't make it any less obnoxious.

"we're looking for a dress for her to wear to the wedding," mat explained as his arm snaked around your waist. "i think she looks amazing in anything, but if you could find her something summery that matches her complexion, maybe a nice sundress, that would be very helpful."

you looked at mat like he'd grown a second and third head while meredith scrambled off to find something to fit his description. "are you okay?"

"why wouldn't i be?"

"you just listed of a theme of clothing without even batting an eyelash."

mat shrugged. "i was just being efficient. if you don't like what she picks out, we can always find something else or go somewhere else. but i thought the summery vibe would look nice with what i packed."

"and what did you pack? a white shirt and black slacks?"

"guess you'll have to find out in a few days," he quipped before lightly booping your nose.

meredith came back with an arm full of dresses and ushered the both of you back to the dressing rooms. she handed the articles of clothing to you and whisked herself away citing that she'd be around if you needed anything.

which was perfectly fine with you, it meant you didn't have an audience to trying on dresses.

"try the green one on first!" mat called as you shut the door behind you.

"you're not running the show here, barzal. as much as you would like to think otherwise."

you put the green one on first anyway.

you looked in the mirror, not sure if you liked the sleeves or the cut of the dress. was it too short for a wedding? it felt too casual.

"are you gonna show me? i'm assuming it doesn't take ten years for you to put on a dress, sweetheart," mat said.

"i'm not doing a fashion show for you, barzy."

"your boyfriend would like very much to see what you're getting, baby."

you rolled your eyes, mainly because he had a point. but amidst your irritation, hesitancy rose up but you didn't know why. mat had never given you a reason to be insecure, he was more than affirming about your place in his life and your appearance. you had no reason to be insecure, but yet it was rising up anyway.

still, you opened the door.

you poked your head out to see mat sitting on his phone until he heard the creak of the door. "well, let me see you!" he said.

you came out from behind the door as confidently as you could manage.

only for mat to let out a low whistle.

"oh shut up," you whined.

"you look good, baby," he smirked. "almost too good to wear out in public." you flushed under his scrutinizing stare that seemed to linger on some areas more than others and the nickname made heat slowly crawl up your neck.

"you're such a flatterer."

"just calling it like i see it, honey."

"will you quit it with the nicknames?" you covered your face with your hands.

"am i embarrassing you, baby?" he asked, voice much closer now. you didn't know why until you felt two hands on your waist.

"no."

mat pulled your hands down and smirked as he placed his palms back on your waist. "liar."

you rolled your eyes. "do you like the dress or not?"

"it's not about my opinion, do you like it?"

you all but stomped your foot in frustration. "mat," you whined. "what was the point of coming out here if you're just going to defer to my opinion?"

he shrugged like it wasn't bothering him to be that close to you; unlike you, whose heart was racing a mile a minute. "because i like to see dresses on pretty women, specifically you."

you shoved him away with a light push on his chest. the skirt of the dress bunching up a bit as his grip was pulled away.

"lemme see the next one!" he called as you walked back into the dressing room.

you tried on three more dresses, all of them garnering a similar reaction from mat, but none really feeling like the dress you should be wearing. none of them were nice enough to wear to the wedding without your mother, aunt, or angela saying something smart.

your hope was diminishing when you got to the final dress. it was plain in comparison to the others as far as beading and lace went, just a simple navy blue dress with a deep v and a small slit up to mid thigh. but you tried it on anyway.

"i don't know about this one, but i kinda like it. i wanted to know what you think," you said as you came out the dressing room.

mat looked up from his phone.

only for his jaw to drop.

you shifted your weight from foot to foot, back and forth, as you waited for a comment from him. mat, in all your time as friends, was never hesitant to share his opinion, but the longer he stayed silent, the more fearful you got that maybe this dress wasn't the one you should be wearing.

"do you not like it? i can--"

"no, you're getting it." he stood up and called meredith over who seemed to have been hovering just out of sight, like she was waiting for that exact moment. "she's getting this one, can you ring it up?"

meredith smiled but looked back and forth between you two. "of course, she'll have to take it off but--"

"mat, are you sure? i'm not even sure about this."

"baby," there he went, using another pet name. "you look fantastic, and even if you didn't, which you do, i took one look at your face and could tell you loved this dress. you're getting it." he said it so confidently you were inclined to believe him.

you started reaching for the tag on the dress. "how much is it--"

he ripped the tag off and handed it to meredith along with his card. "will you ring this up for us while she gets dressed, meredith?" he asked.

"mat, you don't have to pay--"

“let’s be honest, this is more for me than you." he said it so confidently, how could you possibly say no to him? "go get dressed," he said. "i'll be out here."

you quickly changed into your other clothes and grabbed the dress on your way out. mat quickly took the dress out of your hand and wrapped an arm around your shoulders. you didn't think anything of it until he pulled you in and placed a kiss on the side of your head.

you would've read into it had meredith not been in plain sight.

he must've done it to keep up the act.

meredith took the dress and wrapped it in a box that mat refused to let you carry, just like he refused to let you see the receipt. you told him that you'd just venmo him, but he ignored you all the way to the car.

preparation mode

your mom had ordered pizza for dinner which you and mat had taken up to your room. no one in your family batted an eyelash considering you both cited it as having a long day and wanting to unwind.

"so tell me about your family, the ones i haven't met yet," mat said through a mouth full of pizza.

you were currently wearing one of his t-shirts that you stole from his apartment a month ago and a pair of running shorts while you leaned back against the headboard. "well, there's my uncle mike, he's my mom's brother and the oldest in their family. for the most part he minds his business, he's on his fourth marriage and probably the last one because him and his wife don't even care to mask their indifference towards each other." you took a huge bite of your pizza and swallowed it before continuing. "then there's aunt patty who is angela's mom and she's about as nice as they come but also she's super passive aggressive and let's angela get away with everything."

"sounds like she's not actually nice, and you're just conditioned to think she is."

you rolled your eyes. "we don't have time to psychoanalyze my familial relationships, barzy."

"sure we do, if your aunt lets your bullying cousin get away with everything, then she's not actually nice."

"what does that make her then, smart ass?"

"a pawn." and he said it so lightly that you didn't even think about it for a moment. when you finally registered what he said, you furrowed your brows. so mat continued. "anyone who lets their child 'get away with everything' even when they're wrong is not a parent so much as they are a pawn in their child's game."

you blinked at him once. then a second time, wondering when your best friend had been replaced by your therapist.

"what?" he asked.

"i'm just trying to figure out what happened to my best friend. it's like you were replaced by dr. phil."

mat rolled his eyes. "i'm allowed to be wise on occasion."

"is it an occasion if it's never happened before?"

"what makes you say that?"

"i'm saying someone who gets hit in the face with a hockey stick or a puck every other game doesn't always have the best wisdom."

"but i do now! and that's what matters." he took another bite of pizza and hummed to himself.

"what?" you asked. "what was that hum about?"

"tell me about your other family members."

you explained how your cousin andrew (otherwise known as andy) was the oldest of angela's siblings and was married two years ago to his wife kelsey. they were distant from angela because she announced her engagement at kelsey's baby shower, but in true family fashion, that incident was pushed under the rug.

then there was thomas who was a year older than you and angela who had an affinity of sleeping around and generally not giving a shit about anyone or anything. he would say what he wanted when he wanted and for that reason, he was one of your favorite relatives. because, for the most part, he was the only one other than your grandmother who called angela out on her shit.

"what about your grandparents?"

you shrugged. "my grandfather died a few years ago and my grandmother is still around. she's honestly my favorite family member, though i'm sure that has nothing to do with me and cody being her favorites."

"oh i'm sure," mat said.

"and that's my mom's side of the family." you slapped your thighs and took a sip of your drink.

"what about you?"

you looked at him, confused at what he could possibly be talking about. "what about me?"

"you've told me about your family, tell me about you."

you scoffed. "mat, we're friends, what could you possibly want to know about me?"

he shrugged. "tell me something i wouldn't know. if you don't, i'm going to go downstairs and ask your mom to bring out the baby photos."

you rolled your eyes and sighed heavily, like it was some burden on you. "fine. when i was a kid, angela stuck bubble gum in my hair and i had to get a horrendous haircut. cody made fun of me until it grew out again."

"i bet you were still cute."

you got up from the bed and picked up a picture frame off your dresser. for some reason, your mother insisted on decorating your room with your worst moments, hence why your prom photo was hanging in the stair way. you handed the picture frame to mat who immediately smiled at your seven year old self smiling with two missing teeth and a shitty haircut.

"oh," he said.

"what?" you asked.

mat looked up with a huge smile on his face. "i definitely would've had a crush on you as a kid." you rolled your eyes and shoved him in the shoulder. "hey!" he protested. "i would've! you were cute!"

"shut up, you would not. i bet seven year old mat was the cutest boy in his grade and too worried about hockey to look at seven year old me."

"he might've been, i'd never know. but all i'm saying is if seven year old me knew seven year old you? he'd be in love. well, as much love as a seven year old can feel. in fact, i would've given you my favorite pokemon cards if you'd asked."

you could feel heat creeping up your neck at the idea, and how far it was from the truth. your classmates gave you hell for the way your hair looked, and it was such an odd and unbelievable story that no one took you seriously until the next school year when you grew your hair out.

"well, do you have a photo of you as a kid? it's not fair that you get unlimited access to all my childhood photos and i don't get to see you!"

mat rolled his eyes but pulled out his phone and scrolled through his camera roll. he flipped his phone around so you could see a photo of him in hockey gear with a big smile on his face. "aw mat," you cooed. "you were so cute."

"would you have had a crush on me?"

you thought about it for a moment. "i actually had a crush on this guy in my grade named frankie, so probably not."

mat's jaw dropped. "so my crush would go unrequited?"

"mat, honey, we didn't even live in the same country. this whole situation is hypothetical."

"tell me, did frankie play hockey?"

"what? no."

"was he funnier than me?"

"mat how am i supposed to know if second grade you was funnier than frankie?"

he shrugged. "i don't know. but was he?"

"he was the class clown."

mat groaned and fell back into your pillows. "seven year old mat is crushed. he stands no chance."

"honey, i cannot stress this enough, this is a hypothetical situation."

but all of a sudden, he stood up to his full height and walked towards you with the picture frame still in his hands. he placed the frame back on your dresser and closed the distance between the two of you. "what if it wasn't hypothetical?" he said, his tone shifted from playful to serious.

you locked his phone while you looked at him, to say you were confused would be an understatement. "what're you talking about?"

he shrugged and placed his hands on your waist, pulling you closer until you hips touched and it was like electricity struck your nervous system. "what if--"

a knock on the door interrupted anything mat was going to say. the two of you jumped apart. "hope you two aren't naked!" cody's voice sounded through the wooden door. "we're having a movie night and mom made it clear that you two need to be downstairs in five minutes."

"we'll be right out!" you called, though your eyes were still locked on mat's.

he reluctantly let go of you as you cleared your throat. you didn't know what was different about air around you, how it felt tense and warm at the same time.

you headed downstairs with mat trailing behind you and sat on the couch next to each other. you weren't sure what changed, but when mat put his arm around you like he had done in the past, you fought every urge to tense up. what was going on with you?

when the movie was over, and it was time for all of you to go to bed, you and mat dressed in separate rooms. you were in bed by the time he returned and you were too busy controlling your breaths to notice his hesitancy.

he called your name quietly, but you squeezed your eyes shut and evened out your breathing. mat pushed a strand of hair behind your ear as he got in bed before he wrapped an arm around your waist pulled your back to his chest.

your heart beat against your ribs loud enough you were sure he could hear it. you weren't sure why, or what it was, not even your ex boyfriend had your heart beating like that, and it took you months to get over him.

when mat finally fell asleep, you relaxed, and pulled yourself gently and slowly out of his hold.

you placed a pillow between you two.

it was on the floor on mat's side the next morning.

the "big family" dinner

"is this appropriate enough to wear to dinner tonight?" mat came into the room wearing a plain white tee and black jeans with adidas.

it should be a sin to look that good in something so simple.

"if you were anyone else, i'd say no," you replied.

he blinked. "what does that mean?"

"i mean somehow you make really plain outfits look good."

he smirked. "you saying i look good?"

"oh please. like you don't know."

mat put both of his hands in his front pockets and leaned his shoulder against the wall. "maybe, but it sounds better coming from your mouth." you rolled your eyes and shoved him aside as you gathered your clothes in your hands. "what're you wearing?"

"a shirt and shorts." you walked into the bathroom across the hall to change into your outfit before going back in the bedroom to get your shoes.

mat let out a low whistle much like he did at the boutique. "is that my shirt?"

you looked down and saw the islanders logo on the front and shrugged. "must be."

"when did you grab this?"

"must've been during one of our sleepovers." you walked right out of the room and down the stairs to join the rest of your family. the six of you (your father, mother, brother, his girlfriend, mat, and you) would be riding in two separate cars. cody tried to convince your parents that mat should ride with them while you rode with him, but you quickly shot that idea down. you wouldn't say you were embarrassed of your parents, but you surely weren't going to leave mat to his own devices with them.

which is how you ended up sitting in the backseat of your dad's subaru with a foot of space between you and mat.

"mat, honey, tell us about your family! do you have any siblings?" your mother asked from the front seat she tried to give him earlier.

"you have longer legs!" she said.

"and my dad would literally punch me in the chest if i didn't let you sit shotgun," mat replied.

"i have a sister, her name's liana."

"oh, liana!" your mother gushed. "what a beautiful name! i should've named you that, honey!"

"mom," you whined. "you don't think it would be weird to have the same name as mat's sister?"

she hummed. "i guess, when you put it that way..." your mother shook her head. "how'd you get into hockey, mat?"

"mom, mat's gonna be interrogated all night long, can we save the questions for later?"

"baby, it's fine," mat assured you. your heart picked up just a little at the pet name but settled down when he turned his attention back to your mom. "i grew up playing it," he said. "my dad used to play as well."

it was like your mom fell in love with your boyfriend even more. "see honey? he continued a tradition that his father set for him!" you kept yourself from snarking back and rolling your eyes and just smiled. "i wanted my daughter to be a nurse like me," she explained to mat. "but she wasn't interested."

"mom, i can barely handle the sight of blood and you thought i would be okay in the icu?"

mat cackled. "you should see her when i have cuts and bruises from games, she pulls out gloves and about douses my wounds in peroxide."

"i'm not gonna get a blood borne disease because of you, barzal," you replied.

he rolled his eyes but smiled at you anyway.

you zoned out for the rest of the car ride as your aunt's house grew closer. mat, ever the observant friend, reached out and grabbed your hand in his, squeezing it three times until you looked at him.

"you okay?" he mouthed. when you finally nodded he sighed and brought your hands to his lips, kissing it once before placing your joined hands between the two of you. your heart soared at the gesture, but you looked back out the window before he could see it.

your father parked the car in front of a giant house you were all too familiar with. memories flashed before your eyes of summers spent swimming in the pool in the backyard and playing with toys in angela's room.

"be on your best behavior," your mom directed towards you with a knowing look in her eyes. you weren't sure why, you hadn't made a scene in years, though you were contemplating it if your mom kept harassing you.

you and mat slid out of the backseat and followed your parents to the front door. your mom didn't even bother knocking; she opened the door and left it open for the rest of you to follow. mat trailed behind you, grabbing your hand at the last minute before walking through the front door.

you were immediately accosted by a plethora of voices and music, unknowingly, you gripped mat's hand a little tighter as your aunt rounded the corner with a glass of champagne and a large smile. you saw as she greeted your parents with hugs, careful not to spill her drink. when her eyes focused on you, or rather the hand you were holding, there was a sense of smug satisfaction that occurred when you saw the poorly disguised shock on her face.

"hey!" she greeted. "i see you brought a friend."

before you could say anything, mat was taking his hand out of yours and shaking your aunt's hand. "i'm mat, the boyfriend."

aunt patty smiled and then looked at you, like she was evaluating something. "nice to meet you, mat," she said before bringing you into a hug and giving the same salutation she gave your parents. "angela will be excited to see you, both of you!" she said.

doubtful, you thought. very doubtful.

aunt patty ushered the both of you further into the house; mat's hand returned to holding yours until it was time to go outside in the backyard and join the rest of the family, then his hand moved to your lower back.

the two of you walked outside and watched as your family mingled in the backyard.

"who do we talk to first?" mat asked.

you shook your head. "no one. we go grab food first. my family is easier to handle with food."

mat nodded and followed your lead to the table with assorted finger foods on it. the two of you grabbed a plate full of food and found a table to sit.

it wasn't long before the table filled up with cody and his girlfriend who'd arrived moments after you did.

"did you give him the family run down?" cody asked before taking a bite out of one of his deviled eggs.

"this isn't amateur hour, cody. i spent the entire evening yesterday prepping him."

and a coffee date and plane ride dedicated to perfecting a fabricated story.

as if reminded that you two had appearances to keep up, mat reached back and draped his arm around the back of your chair and leaned back in his own. he looked so comfortable doing so you would've believed him to be genuine.

it wasn't long before your other family members came over, your grandmother to start. both you and mat stood to greet her. she wasted no time pulling you into a hug and kissing your cheek, holding your face between her hands and smiling.

"my, my, my, you've grown," she said.

"you say that every time you see me, grandma," you replied.

"and i mean it every time." her eyes dart to over your shoulder where you're positive mat is towering over you. "and who is this?" she asked, but it was clear by the smirk on her face that she already knew. the entire family probably knew given how much your mother liked to talk about your love life.

"i'm mat," he said and extended a hand out to shake.

your grandmother immediately let go of you and all but pushed you out of the way to hug mat who didn't even hesitate to embrace her back. when your grandmother pulled away she smiled and glanced back and forth between you and mat.

"so you're the gentleman who stole my baby's heart?"

mat gave your grandmother a megawatt smile. "no ma'am, you have it backwards. i just tricked her into dating me, still not sure how i accomplished it though."

your grandmother looked back at you and all but swooned. "you didn't tell me how handsome he was."

you blinked. you weren't sure what kind of magic ability mat had but the fact that you grandmother looked ready to become a cougar or push you down the aisle said something.

"didn't think he was your type, grandma."

she rolled her eyes but the smile on her lips said enough. "you and that attitude, girl, i've missed it. i hope she doesn't give you this much trouble, mat."

he only reached around your grandmother and tugged you into his chest. "oh this one? she usually gives me a run for my money," he said before placing a kiss on the top of your head.

your grandmother looked at you and smiled.

and just like that, he'd won over your grandmother's approval. it was a record for you, actually. even your best boyfriend had to meet her several times to win her over.

and mat did it in a matter of minutes.

really, it wasn't fair how charming he was.

"well," she said. "i'll let you two finish eating, i'm sure your cousin will make her way over here at some point." and on cue, your grandmother and you met eyes and shared an understanding. while your grandma loved angela, she, unlike your aunt, was not blind to the passive aggressive comments made by your cousin over the years.

mat pulled your chair out and pushed it in as you sat down before taking his place next to you. his hand immediately made its way onto your thigh, his thumb stroking the outside of your leg.

he leaned in and murmured in your ear. "that went well."

you swallowed the weird sensation in your throat that probably had nothing to do with his touch and proximity.

"a little too well if you ask me," you replied. "she likes you a lot more than my other boyfriends."

mat shrugged like that wasn't the highest praise you could give him. "to be fair, your exes have always been shit."

"they have not!"

cody chimed in from across the table. "they have." you glared at him but he seemed unfazed. "do you want me to tally the boys you've brought home?" but he didn't even give you a chance to answer before he started listing your exes on his fingers. "there was cole who skipped your birthday because it wasn't important. then there was conrad who had the weird relationship with his sister. then there was randall who wouldn't speak to you for days on end and then text you out of the blue."

you rolled your eyes. "those don't count, those were high school boyfriends."

cody deadpanned, though you both knew he skipped one particular boyfriend who happened to be the shittiest. "oh i can skip straight to college and post college if you'd like. you've given me plenty of material to work with." so he continued. "there was yohan who didn't have a bed frame, just a mattress on the floor."

"we were in college!"

mat chimed in. "a mattress on the floor is bad, babe. you can't excuse that."

you huffed and sat back in your chair as cody kept going.

"what about peter who refused to ever get your number and only communicated through snapchat? or lance who had the armpit fetish?"

mat nearly spit out his drink. "a what? what does that even mean?"

you groaned and put your head in your hands until a new voice chimed in.

"it means that she wore a lot of tank tops when they dated, per his request. isn't that right?"

you looked up and saw the rock on her hand before you ever saw her face.

"angela," you said and tried to smile, though the poorly masked snicker made by cody told you it probably looked more like a grimace. "hey, long time no see."

"alright, that's our cue, harper," cody mumbled before him and his girlfriend left the table.

she smiled and fixed her eyes on mat. "and who is this?"

mat, as if sensing the challenge she was presenting, moved his hand from your thigh to around your shoulder. unlike meeting your grandmother, he didn't stand up or offer a hand, he just nodded and smile. "i'm mat."

"and who is 'mat?'" she asked in what she believed was a charming way.

you had to keep yourself from rolling your eyes.

"i'm her boyfriend," mat said before placing a kiss on the side of your head. it was with premature smug satisfaction that you witnessed the smile on angela's lips falter just a little. but then you remembered the times before when you introduced boyfriends to family and how angela looked at them with some sort of predatory gleam in her eyes when met with a challenge.

and mat's indifference to her was the biggest challenge of all.

a tall blond man walked over and wrapped an arm around angela's waist. "baby," he said. "i got you a drink." and he handed her a flute of champagne.

she sipped it but never took her eyes off mat.

"who're you?" owen asked. you had to keep yourself from rolling your eyes. all those years ago, you thought his blunt ways of communicating were charming, now they just grated on your nerves.

"honey, this is mat, the infamous plus one."

"boyfriend," mat corrected. "simple mistake, i get it. it's not like the rsvp's asked for a relationship definition or anything."

"how long have you two been together?" owen asked.

"a few months," you answered in unison, which immediately made angela quirk a brow. you started sweating, your hands started shaking in your lap.

almost as if sensing your nerves, mat reached over with the hand that wasn't around you shoulders, and placed it on your thigh, rubbing smooth circles into your skin.

goosebumps formed on your skin, but for an entirely different reason that a cold breeze considering it was nearly sweltering outside.

"we've been friends for awhile though," mat said. "known each other for about as long as we've been in new york."

angela hummed, but didn't seem convinced. "okay," she smiled. "enjoy the party."

when she walked away with owen in tow, you let out a sigh.

"you okay?" mat mumbled.

"that went better than i thought."

"i thought you said she was mean," mat said.

"she typically is, maybe she's changed though. it's been a minute since i came home."

mat hummed, but maybe your earlier conversations convinced him of angela's normal behavior, because he didn't seem like he believed you.

"don't hum at me," you said. "she could!"

mat shrugged and leaned back in his chair, his hand squeezed your shoulder where it rested. "okay," he said before placing a kiss on your temple. "i trust you."

the night continued on without much incident. cody got a little too drunk, but that was to be expected. your uncle, his wife, and your cousins all came by and said their hellos, but for the most part, you and mat just stayed at the table and talked.

it was moments like that when you forgot how easy it was to just be with him. you couldn't count the amount of times you found yourself sitting on his couch with your head in his lap, his hand in your hair, as you ranted about your shitty day at work or a frustrating phone call with your parents. days like that were typical with mat, because he made it so easy to just be.

you felt most like yourself when you were with him.

and sure it sounded a little codependent, but you were almost positive he was your other half.

but not in a romantic way.

never in a romantic way.

after all, he was way out of your league. the amount times he had women approach him at bars when the two of you went out were astronomical.

you were forever the friend, and you weren't really all that upset about it. so long as you had mat, you'd take him in whatever capacity he'd give you.

the night was quickly coming to an end. harper had cody's arm wrapped around her shoulder, assuring everyone she would be driving them home. mat's hand had found a new home on the small of your back as he guided you out and back towards the front door, following your parents who insisted on hugging every family member goodbye.

you felt your body lean into mat's touch and the side of his body, your own feeling drained and exhausted.

"hey," he leaned down and mumbled in your ear. "i'm gonna go to the bathroom, i'll meet you at the car?"

you looked up at him, faces close together. you were taken back to earlier when you almost kissed and for a moment, you found yourself imagining a world where you could. where you could lean up and figure out what chapstick he used.

"yeah," you stuttered out when it was clear you'd stayed quiet too long.

"great," he smiled before kissing your cheek and disappearing down the hallway.

you were immediately crowded by your mom, aunt, and to your displeasure, angela.

your cousin stumbled up to you with a bright smile on her face as both of your mothers talked to each other. "your friend was cute," she said. "wouldn't mind running away with him." she giggled, but you saw the truth in her eyes, the calculated stumbles and fake drunken smiles.

"oh, angie's had too much to drink," your aunt said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "you know how drunk people can be."

"i've always heard drunk words are sober thoughts," you stated.

your mom scoffed and waved a hand in the air. "oh honey, that's just a saying, angela doesn't mean what she says, not while she's intoxicated. after all, i have done plenty of things while drunk that i didn't mean in the morning."

you squinted at your mother, completely baffled by her excusing of angela. which, after all these years, shouldn't surprise you.

"what'd i miss?" mat popped back next to you like he was summoned.

"oh nothing--" your mother started.

"mat!" angela screamed, throwing her hands up in the air before wrapping them around his shoulders. "if i wasn't getting married tomorrow, i'd run away with you! it's too bad my cousin here didn't introduce us before!"

mat peeled her arms off his body and pushed her away as gently as he could. "before what? before you stole her high school boyfriend?"

what.

the hell.

angela's smile dropped right as your mom's and aunt's eyes widened. "and i'm not a fan of running." he grabbed your hand and pulled you out the front door, and waved down harper who was about to pull out of the driveway.

"we rode with my parents," you said, still in a daze from what he said.

"we're riding with harper and cody back," was all he said.

harper unlocked the doors for you and mat but didn't even bother asking why the two of you decided to switch rides.

the drive back to your childhood home was pretty quiet save for the country music playing softly over the radio. it wasn't your favorite genre, but you weren't going to complain.

by the time you made it home, you were exhausted. mat trailed you up the stairs after locking the front door behind him because harper mentioned something about taking cody back to their apartment instead of staying.

when he finally walked in the room, you were already changing out of your shorts. maybe it was a testament to how tired you were, or how long you had known each other that made you not give a shit about changing in front of him. you did, however, try to stay decent, so you waited until you had your pajama shirt on to remove your bra before sliding into bed.

mat had apparently walked out of the room to change while you had your back to the door because he came walking back in wearing basketball shorts and a tee shirt, like he did the other nights.

"you okay?" he asked, getting in to bed and sliding next to you. he bumped his shoulder with yours.

"why wouldn't i be?" but you wouldn't look him in the eyes.

"c'mon," he said. "you can be honest with me. i'm your best friend."

your eyes watered at his words, the ones he spoke in front of your family, and the ones he spoke just then. "thank you," was all you could get out.

he pulled you into his arms and for a moment, you were taken back to similar circumstances.

like when you watched marley and me. or when your neighbor with the cute dog moved away.

mat had always been there.

"what're you thanking me for?"

"no one's ever stood up to her like that."

mat scoffed. "i wasn't just gonna let her disrespect our relationship like that, real or fake." he kissed the top of your head. "i almost didn't say anything, wanted to keep the peace, but then i saw the look on your face and couldn't keep quiet."

"what look?"

"the kicked puppy look." you looked up at him as his thumb stroked a line on your cheek. something must've passed over your face because his thumb stopped its motion. "what?" you sighed and shook your head. "c'mon," he said. "you can tell me."

you sighed. "i just--i don't want her to take you away."

mat tilted your chin up and ducked his head down so your foreheads touched. "you're not gonna lose me, especially not to your cousin, okay?" you nodded. "i need to hear you say it, baby."

but how could you talk when he called you by pet names? how could you breathe when you could kiss him if you just lifted your chin.

damn.

did he know the effect he had on you?

"baby," he prompted.

"okay," you said. "i trust you."

"and that's all i ask." he kissed your forehead and pulled away, all too soon if anyone asked you. "now, let's watch a movie, i need to destress after tonight."

you settled into the pillows and laid your head on mat's chest as he scrolled through netflix with one hand; the other arm was wrapped around your back.

the wedding

the next two days were spent with you and mat walking around the city, nothing noteworthy happened.

but you woke up on the day of the wedding dreading what was to come.

the ceremony itself wasn't until that night, which gave you the entire day to worry about angela and mat.

his words should've comforted you, but you were too caught up in why you cared. he was your best friend, angela didn't want him that way. and mat was too loyal to let a girl come between your friendship, he never let it happen with his previous girlfriends.

but there would be times when you wouldn't be together that night. could you honestly expect mat to hang around the women's bathroom every time you needed to use it? you were lucky he got along with your brother and your grandmother as well as he did, but your grandmother would definitely leave early and cody would definitely ditch anyone in a heartbeat if it meant he'd get laid.

"you okay?" mat asked, placing his hands on your shoulders as you stared in the bathroom mirror. "you've been in here a minute. at first i thought you were taking a shit, but you left the door open." he rested his head on top of yours and made eye contact with you in the mirror.

"just stressed about tonight," you admitted.

"you got nothing to stress over, you got me, and we're not getting married. we'll just get drunk and party. sounds like a great time to me!"

"god, if i'm like this at someone else's wedding, i can't imagine what i'd be like at my own."

mat shrugged. "i wouldn't let you be stressed. i’d make sure to give you the wedding you want."

you pulled away and turned around, brows pulled together like attracting magnets. "wouldn’t that be weird though? you making sure my wedding was what i wanted?"

"considering it would be my wedding too, no i don't think it would be weird." he shrugged and said it so casually, you almost didn't register what he said. but when it sunk in, your cheeks heated up and you broke eye contact before lightly shoving him away.

"you're such a flirt," you said, hoping it wouldn't give away the way your heart raced in your chest.

"doesn't mean it isn't true!" he called after you. mat flicked on the fan and shut the door. "now watch a movie, i don't want you to hear me shit."

"we're not even in the same room, dipshit!" you laughed before heading back to your room and turning on netflix.

mat joined you after about ten minutes in the bathroom and the two of you watched a movie until your parents shouted from downstairs to start getting ready.

you got ready in the bathroom simply because that was where you makeup was. mat took the bedroom simply because it was easier. you put on your dress, fluffing out the ends to make sure no part of it was wrinkled before you started on your makeup.

you were finished rather quickly, mainly because mat kept calling your name like a child, waiting for you to fix his tie because he didn't know how to.

when you walked out of the bathroom, though, mat met you in the hallway. his eyes were focused on the tie in his hands until he heard the door open. he glanced up and his jaw dropped.

"fuck," he mumbled.

you could feel the heat going up your chest and your neck until it settled in your face. "do i look okay?"

mat swallowed and nodded. your normally chatty best friend was rendered speechless for the first time since you met him. he cleared his throat and gestured to you. "i knew buying that dress was a good move."

you rolled your eyes and smiled as you walked over to him. you took the tie out of his hand and wrapped it around his neck, tying a windsor knot until it was snug against his throat.

"i think you're trying to choke me."

you scoffed. "if you learned how to tie a tie, this wouldn't be a problem."

"if i learned how to tie a tie, i wouldn't have an excuse to be this close to you." his hands snaked around your waist and pulled your hips close to his.

"you should know you don't need an excuse to get close to me." you tried out the flirtation a little, unsure if he was joking or not, but given how his eyes lit up just a bit, you were pretty confident he was serious.

"baby--"

"sweetheart! we need to be leaving soon!" your mother called up the stairs.

you and mat sprung apart like the other had spontaneously caught on fire. neither of you would make eye contact too embarrassed to have been interrupted by your mother. though you couldn't meet each other's eyes, you managed to see mat gesture for you to go down the stairs first.

"you both look so cute!" your mother gushed as both you and mat entered the living room. "go stand in front of the fireplace! i have to get your picture."

you rolled your eyes. "mom, this isn't prom night." but mat was already tugging you over to where your mom was pointing and wrapping and arm around your waist.

your mom snapped a few pictures before hurrying the two of you and your father out the door. the wedding didn't start for another hour, but the venue was thirty minutes away and your mom wanted to make sure your aunt wasn't going to have an aneurysm.

mat held your hand as you walked down the front porch stairs towards the car. his grip was tight and firm. when you finally joined him on the sidewalk, you expected him to drop his hand, but he held onto it even tighter, lightly swinging it between your bodies.

he didn't let go until you got into the back seat of your mom's car.

he lightly chatted with your parents while you stared at the space between the two of you. the entire week had your mind whirling, you two were just friends, but sharing a bed, the physical closeness, the flirting, the near kisses, it was all driving you insane.

sure, you thought mat was good looking, but you'd long given up the hope that he'd ever like you. he was mat and you were you. even if there wasn't a large disparity between your perception of both of your physical attributes, you still would've felt the divide.

he was everything, practically your best friend.

and that alone was too important for you to risk on some juvenile feelings.

mat nudged you with his elbow. "you okay? you've been quiet."

you blinked back into the present, noting that your mother had turned on abba and was singing to dancing queen while your father hummed the tune under his breath. both of them were too distracted to notice or hear mat's question.

you nodded, meeting his eyes briefly before looking away, too scared to get caught in their orbit once more. "yeah," you said. "just thinking."

"uh oh. that's not good," he joked. but you didn't laugh. his face turned serious and he nudged you once more before grabbing your hand in his own. "you can tell me anything, you know that right?"

"of course," you replied.

he squeezed your hand twice and didn't let go until you got out of the car.

as your father pulled into the parking lot, you got a good view of the venue. a large building with tall windows and music blasting throughout the open doors.

once you got inside, your eyes were immediately overwhelmed by the visual stimulation of large flower arrangements everywhere with the most pricey looking lighting fixtures dangling from the ceiling.

it was extravagant, and everything you would've expected angela's wedding to look like.

"oh god," mat mumbled under his breath, loud enough just for you to hear. he leaned down, placing his hand on the small of your back. "remind me not to do this much at my wedding."

you rolled your eyes. "what if it's what your bride wants?"

he paused. "do you want something like this?"

"god no."

"then i don't need to worry."

you lightly shoved his shoulder. "quit joking."

"who said i was joking?" he asked.

you stared at him until your dad cleared his throat and reminded the two of you that you still needed to find your seats at the ceremony.

"honey," your mother grabbed your arm. "do you want to come with me to see angela? i'm just gonna check on her and your aunt to make sure everything is ready and together."

you were shaking your head before she could even finish getting the words out. "nope."

"honey, it's your cousin's wedding."

"and she didn't even make me a bridesmaid. i'm sure she'll be fine waiting until the reception to see me."

"i thought you weren't angry about that! i told you not to take it personal."

it took every ounce of will not to roll your eyes. mainly because mat was standing there, and if you let it slip how frustrated you were, he might step in and make your mom hate him. "i don't care, mom. but if she wanted me to see her before the wedding, she would've made her part of her bridal party. but she didn't so i'll see her when she walks down the aisle." with that off your chest, you grabbed mat's hand and marched towards the group of chairs where the ceremony would take place.

you quickly chose a seat close enough to see the actual ceremony happen without being too close that you could see angela promise her life away to the ex she stole from you.

"that was intense," mat commented. "you sure you're okay?"

you sighed and contemplated putting your face in your hands if it wasn't for the makeup you put on earlier. "i don't know why she wants me and angela to act like we're best friends, it's gone on like this for our entire lives, but it's never worked. angela has never liked me, and i'm tired of pretending like it's my fault. i don't even know what i did to make her constantly try to undermine me."

mat looked around before grabbing your hand and tugging you towards what you guessed were the bathrooms, away from the prying eyes of nosy guests.

"it's not your fault," he said, bending down so you could look each other in the eyes. "there's nothing wrong with you, either, okay? she's blind if she can't see how amazing you are. and your mom is wrong for trying to force a friendship. you understand?"

you nodded.

"i need to hear you say it, baby."

"i understand." a beat later. "thanks, mat."

he kissed your forehead and grabbed your hand. "anytime."

the two of you found your old seats taken by an older couple, so you sat in the same row as cody and harper who had shown up while you were gone.

the wedding started shortly thereafter with your parents joining you in the same row. your mother looked relatively calm for what you knew had to be a shitshow in the back room. angela was very particular, and while there was nothing wrong with that were it anyone else, your cousin's strong opinions often stressed your mother and aunt out.

the music started playing and the bridesmaids started walking down the aisle with the groomsmen and owen. you didn't recognize most of the girls, probably because you hadn't been around angela's friends since high school and you never came to her birthday parties after you graduated (not that she invited you anyway). the one bridesmaid you did recognize was meredith from the dress shop. she looked beautiful in her lilac dress. and her smile did nothing to giveaway what chaos the dressing room was in before she walked out.

with everyone in their places at the front, the music changed tune. every guest, including you, stood to their feet and turned around. everyone watched as the double doors opened and angela came walking down the aisle in a princess gown with her father escorting her.

she smiled brightly, probably basking in the attention she was receiving. she didn't even look at owen until she got close enough to the front that there was no one else for her to smile at.

i'd do it differently, you thought. when i get married, i won't be able to take my eyes off his face.

the officiant told everyone to sit and continued on with the ceremony. you mostly blocked it out, peering at mat who looked more interested in the ceremony than you were. he caught your stare a few times and smirked before grabbing hold of your hand and kissing the back of it.

and your heart soared every time.

mat was an affectionate friend, this much you knew. anytime you picked him up from a roadie, or when he came over after you just got back into town, he'd hold you in a death grip hug for five minutes at the very least. most of the hugs involved the two of you swaying side to side with mat mumbling how much he missed you into your neck.

all that to say, you weren't a stranger to his affection.

you were, however, unused to the kisses and pet names, all of which started as soon as you introduced him to your family.

it was the crowd cheering that startled you out of your stupor. you glanced at the front to see owen dipping angela in a kiss while the photographer captured the moment.

and maybe it was the bitterness in your chest speaking for the teenager who lost her first serious boyfriend, but the kiss itself looked more performative than like true love.

mat extended a hand to you when you realized everyone was standing and heading to the tables to eat.

"you alright?" he asked once your hand was secured in his own. "you keep zoning out."

you shrugged. "just thinking."

"about?"

"how do you know if you love someone?" you asked, replaying angela and owen's kiss in your mind. you were so preoccupied, you didn't notice mat scratching the back of his head and blushing.

"well, you uh," he stuttered. "why're you asking me? haven't you been in love before?"

he wouldn't meet your eyes, his own kept focusing on avoiding bumping into people as you made your way to an open table. mat pulled your chair out and didn't sit down until you did.

"i don't know," you continued on. "i thought i was, but i never saw forever with those guys."

"thank god," he mumbled.

"what?"

he looked up all doe eyed and innocent. "hm?"

"what did you say?"

he shrugged. "i didn't say anything. you must be hearing things."

you rolled your eyes, but the smile on your lips said you weren't really bothered by his lies.

cody and harper joined you at the table; your parents took the last two seats. all six of you sipped at the water on the table and waited for your dinners to be ready.

"so," harper started. "what did everyone think of the ceremony?"

you could've groaned, not because you weren't interested in weddings, you loved them.

just not angela's.

and talking about all the beautiful aspects of it sounded like a violation of your eighth amendment rights.

"oh it was so gorgeous, she looked fantastic," your mother supplied, fawning over your cousin as usual. but it was when she looked around the room before she leaned into the table that your attention was piqued. "patty was scared the wedding would need to be called off. said something about how owen was getting cold feet, she wouldn't say why though."

were you a horrible person for internally rejoicing at angela's possible stressor?

maybe just a little.

but you'd taken the high road your entire life. so in your opinion, it was warranted and earned.

mat nudged your knee with his. "at least look concerned," he mumbled with a smirk playing on his lips.

"i do! i am!" you said just loud enough for him to hear. mat looked at you until you cracked under his gaze. "okay, so i might be just a little smug, sue me."

he rolled his eyes, but the smile playing on his lips said he was far from annoyed.

your family continued to make idle chatter until the dj started announcing the bridal party. it wasn't anything that hadn't been done before; the bridesmaids and groomsmen danced their way into the room. moments later, angela and owen came in with their hands riased and cheering along with everyone else. your entire table joined in with the other guests and clapped and hollered until it was no longer socially acceptable.

dinner came out shortly thereafter.

again, it was nothing that hadn't been done before. a simple pasta dish with a side salad wasn't anything to celebrate. the food was absolutely delicious, you wouldn't lie about that, it was just interesting that angela, who prided herself on being different, had planned a party that didn't even crack your top ten favorite weddings.

but she'd never sought your approval anyway, so why would she start now?

you were shocked out of your intense thoughtfulness by an arm wrapping around your shoulder. mat didn't even look phased as he pulled you just a little closer to him, talking with your dad about the upcoming season like they'd been friends for ages.

the weight of his arm was comforting, reminding you of times he'd slung it across your shoulders after a game and pressed a kiss to your temple or when you sat next to each other at bars.

others had looked at your relationship with a microscope. sydney and grace both had asked multiple times if there was something more with the two of you and looked skeptical whenever you gave them a funny look while saying no.

he was your best friend, always would be so long as you never fucked anything up.

"how's your pasta?" mat asked.

you blinked. "same as yours."

he rolled his eyes yet again and kissed your temple. "smart ass," he mumbled against your skin.

dinner was barely over when music started playing, marking the sign of the first dance. angela and owen danced to "can't help falling in love" while everyone looked on. they didn't talk, they seldom even smiled until, like they were suddenly struck by electricity, they remembered they were being photographed and had all eyes on them.

you bided your time, sipping the water in your glass, because you knew mat was gonna drag your ass onto the dance floor like he had before at other parties and weddings.

sure enough, as soon as the song ended and the party music started, mat's hand was in yours, tugging you towards the center of the floor.

you dragged your feet as a front, just wanting to prolong the feeling of his palm encircling your own. you didn't know the name of the song, just like you didn't understand the light feeling in your stomach when mat pulled you close and placed his hands on your waist.

"in case i forgot to tell you," he shouted into your ear over the pumping music. "you look really pretty tonight."

you could feel the heat crawl up your neck. you ducked your head so you couldn't see him, but he pulled your chin up to look him in the eyes.

"don't get shy on me now," he teased, though his eyes weren't full of mirth like they usually were. they were soft, like sunlight filtered through a bedroom window. "come dance with me."

the two of you danced, hips shaking and moving to the beat of the music. mat always had a grip on you, whether he was twirling you around or had both hands on your hips.

you couldn't remember ever having this much fun at a wedding.

who would've thought it would've been angela's wedding?

but the music slowed down, usually signaling that it was your time to sit back down until hey ya! came on. so you made a move to step off the dance floor and head back to where your brother sat nursing a glass of bourbon, but it was a callused hand that kept you in place.

"where do you think you're going, baby?" he asked, a smirk playing on his lips. "you owe me a dance."

you hesitated, knowing that in the past, you'd danced the night away, but with him here, in front of your family, with your grandmother giving you a smile, you didn't know you could fake it any longer. you couldn't keep pretending that you weren't completely infatuated, overcome with love for your best friend.

your hand would've started shaking had he not had a steady grip on you.

mat pulled you close. "c'mon, i won't even step on your toes. i promise."

you relented and let him pull you back into the middle of the floor. he placed his hands on your waist and, for a moment, you thought you were dreaming. in another life, you'd be wearing white and be the prettiest person in the room. in another life, you'd have matching gold bands on your fourth fingers.

in another life, he'd be yours.

you wrapped your hands around the back on his neck, playing with the hair there absentmindedly.

"you're far away," he said. "come back to earth for a minute. what're you thinking about?"

you shrugged. "wondering if i'll ever get this," you answered honestly, even going as far as looking him in the eyes as you spoke.

"you'll get it," he said without a doubt in the world to be found. "i'll make sure of it."

"what about you? do you want something like this?"

he glanced around the room, eyes landing on the newly married couple in the center. "not if i'm not marrying you."

you blinked, heart in your throat. he looked so honest, but you'd known him long enough, seen who he's dated too many times, to know he was joking.

he had to be.

right?

so you laughed, closing your eyes and tilting your head back so that you unintentionally missed the small look of confusion married with hurt on mat's face. you did it to protect yourself, to keep yourself from getting hurt, and unintentionally hurting him in the process.

"i can never tell when you're joking, barzy," you smiled, hoping it covered the shake in your voice.

"but i--"

"may i cut in?" you glanced to your left and saw your smiling grandmother.

"oh i--" mat stuttered, flustered in a way you'd never seen before.

"sure!" you interrupted his train of thought. "i have to pee anyway."

besides, mat was probably safest with her anyway. angela wouldn't try anything while your grandmother was standing there.

you stepped away, waist feeling cold from the lack of contact and made your way towards the bathrooms.

it wasn't that hard to find the restroom, it was just a longer hallway. but it was far enough from the reception that the music was only a faint bass noise.

you walked into the bathroom and did your business. fluffing your hair and fixing your dress in the mirror when you'd finished washing your hands. you opened the door and saw shiny black shoes before you saw the man standing across from the woman's bathroom.

"owen?" you asked. "the men's bathroom is a little further down the hall."

"i know," he said, pushing off the wall to move closer to you.

red flag.

"what?" you asked, moving slightly out of the way so he couldn't push you back into the bathroom. "have you been drinking?"

"sober as a judge."

you furrowed your brows. "what?"

he took another step closer to you while you quickly turned so your back was no longer against a wall, but towards the party. if he kept advancing towards you, the weird tension would soon be out in the open and surely he would stop then.

right?

"i'm sorry for what i did back in high school."

"owen, what are you talking about?"

"for cheating on you. you're all i've ever wanted and it's my biggest regret to this day that i ever let you go."

you were gonna be sick.

"owen, you don't know what you're talking about. you love angela. you got married to angela. she is your wife."

"but i want you." he reached out to touch your hair but you backed up quick enough to just miss his hand.

"no you don't," you said. "you decided i wasn't enough nearly ten years ago."

"but you looked so good and so happy with him, with max or whatever his name is--"

"--mat--"you corrected.

"--it made me miss us. don't you miss me?"

"i don't even know who you are anymore, owen! that person you knew in high school isn't me anymore, and you don't get to decide you want me now just because i'm happy and you aren't."

"we were so good together!"

"we were sixteen, owen! we were children."

"but--"

"i gave you just about everything i could possibly give, and you decided it wasn't enough. you decided to get with my cousin while we were dating instead of breaking up with me. you decided to marry her. and now you get to live with that decision." you spun on your heel and were met with mat's stare. even in the dim lighting, you could see his jaw clenched.

"mat," you breathed like it was your last breath.

"you okay?" he asked.

"yeah," you said. "just telling owen where the bathroom was."

you both knew it was a lie, especially if the look on mat's face was any indication, he'd probably heard enough of the conversation. you allowed yourself to be guided back to the recpetion with mat's hand firmly placed on the small of your back.

you two kept dancing until it was time to send angela and owen off. while mat gathered your things, you said goodbye to your extended family members because you two were leaving tomorrow afternoon to head back to new york.

which scared you.

this last week had been amazing. pretending and playing house with mat meant unlocking feelings you'd pretended didn't exist for the entire duration of your friendship. and while you wished you'd never unlocked pandora's box, part of you was happy you could never go back.

a warm and weathered hand tugged on your forearm and snapped you out of your reverie. "don't let that boy go." when you looked down, your grandmother was staring at you with earnest eyes. "he loves you the way you deserve to be loved."

your eyes welled up with tears as you hugged her. "thanks, grandma."

"i mean it. don't come back without him, you hear me? i need great grand babies soon."

you flushed at the idea and whined. "please don't tell me you said that to him!"

but she didn't answer you, she just laughed.

"you ready?" mat asked, walking over with your brother and harper following closely behind. "cody said he'd give us a ride home."

"treat my baby right, mathew," your grandmother said. "or else i'll have to fly to new york and kill you, you hear?"

he smiled. "yes ma'am."

you hugged your grandmother tight. "i love you."

"love you more."

mat ushered you outside, following behind cody and harper to their car. none of you were interested in the send off, even if was only going to take a few seconds.

the four of you got into cody's car and drove off before your parents could admonish you for leaving early. cody and harper talked amongst themselves about bills and what their own wedding would look like whenever cody proposed (and if you knew him like you thought you did, it would be soon) while you and mat just held hands in the backseat.

it was weird, the physical touch even when no one was looking. but you weren't complaining about it, if anything, you were clinging to it, scared that once it finally ended you'd go into withdrawal.

cody parked outside of your parents house and let you and mat in before driving off. you headed upstairs, with mat on your tail, ready to get undressed and to curl up in bed with a stupid movie.

"that was fun," mat said. "did you have fun?"

you sat down on your bed and started taking off your shoes. "i always have fun when i'm with you," you said absentmindedly. a moment of silence passed. you looked up to see mat shifting from side to side. "are you okay?"

"what did owen want?" he asked honestly.

you sighed and stood up, walking towards him. "i'm not even sure. he started professing how much he missed me, but i shut it down because i don't have feelings for him."

a glimmer of hope. "you don't?"

"nope."

he nodded. "good."

you took a deep breath and stepped closer to him. "i could never go through with it anyway, i'm in love with someone else." please please please don't let this past week be a joke to him. please let him be a horrible actor.

he stared at you.

a moment of silence.

his eyes searched your own, like they were looking for something.

you could feel the tears well up in your eyes at the thought of his rejection. you'd take being heartbroken, but you couldn't take losing your best friend.

and then.

his hands were on your cheeks, his lips were on yours, and your heart had jumped into your throat. your arms wrapped around his neck and into his hair.

when you finally broke apart for air, mat was smiling. "i'm guessing you were talking about me?" he asked, though the smug tone in his voice said he didn't actually need to know the answer. not when the kiss had already confirmed his suspicions.

"you're such an ass," you jokingly shoved him away, but he caught your hand and used it to pull you back in, to kiss you once more.

"but this ass loves you." he paused. "that sounded a lot more romantic in my head than it did coming out."

but you smiled anyway. "this ass loves you too, barzy."

and two years later, standing in front of everyone in a white dress, you couldn't help but smile. lying usually got you in trouble, but you couldn't have imagined a better ending.

[bluejeanstrash]

it’s 1:23 am when seungcheol realises you’re no longer in bed with him. even though he’s got his back turned to you, there’s this gnawing feeling of something missing that stirs him awake.

he turns to see the empty space; sheets still warm with traces of you. he then turns back around to check what the time is, feeling his eyelids go heavy as he dozes off, phone still in hand.

it’s 2:02 am when seungcheol wakes up again, the phone falling from his grip, hitting the carpeted floor. he jolts awake, sitting up to see you’re still gone.

‘babe?’ he calls out to a silent apartment. he tries your name next to no answer. he’s worried now — a growing anxiety fills his chest as he rushes out of bed.

‘baby?’ he checks the bathrooms first. then the other bedroom. the kitchen next. and as he’s walking across the living room, he sees your silhouette on the couch.

he rushes over, turning on the lamp behind you as a soft orange hue illuminates the room and your face along with it. you look awful. the colour’s drained from your face and your hair’s all matted — sticking to your forehead, and somehow you’re sweating and shivering all at once.

‘what the..’ he brings the back of his hand to your forehead, gently pressing it to your skin. he checks your cheeks next, and finally your throbbing neck ‘you’re burning!’

‘why didn’t you wake me up!’

‘you have schedule’ you mumble as he frowns, getting upset.

‘that doesn’t matter. don’t do that again’ he scolds, immediately softening his tone when you let out a weak cough.

‘have you taken your temperature yet?’ you nod, turning your head to the digital thermometer sitting on the table.

‘okay. let me take it again’ he gives the thermometer a shake before wiping it down.

you open your mouth as he places it under your tongue seeing the temperature rise till it finally stops at a worrying 101°F.

‘hmmn..’ he chews on his lower lip ‘we’ll keep an eye on it’

what felt warm a second ago is now cold as you shiver, feeling a sudden chill. seungcheol pulls the blanket up, tucking in your sweaty body tighter.

‘what about medicine? did you take anything?’ his one hand now tenderly stroking your hair as you shake your head no.

you had tried but looking for medicine was a pretty heavy ask when the room was spinning with every step so you decided to just lie down instead.

‘okay!’ he gets up with a determined sigh, any sleepiness long gone. now seungcheol’s in complete caretaker mode with his only objective to make you feel better.

through the haze of the fever, you can hear him pottering around, moving from room to room — there are sounds of water being poured and drawers being opened, rummaged through, and shut.

he returns around 5 minutes later, hands full.

‘you need to take medicine, okay? wait, baby, have you eaten?’ you shake your head again.

‘no, you need to eat something first’

‘i’m too tired’

he insists on something small, disappearing into the kitchen and coming back with a pack of biscuits — not the good kind, but the boring digestive ones that will fill you up a little more.

‘come on, let’s sit up’ you groan, feeling the room spin as he helps you up.

‘two biscuits. that’s it. open’

you open your mouth letting him feed it to you.

‘bite’ and you do — crumbs falling on your blanket which he promptly brushes away. ‘one more bite’ and you follow the instructions till two are done and dusted away.

‘one more’

‘i already had two!’

‘and now we’ll have one more’

you groan a no.

‘come on. just one more. for me’ you let him have his way, too tired to fight, falling back down immediately as you take the last bite.

‘now medicine’ he pulls you back up, handing over a pill and glass of water as you take it through half-shut eyes, resting against his body for a second.

‘good job. now we can lie down again'

after you're tucked back in, he sits on the floor next to you, wringing and then bringing a cool damp cloth to your burning forehead.

‘that feels nice’ it does. like a cool breeze on a hot day.

‘yeah? good’ he smiles, one hand gently stroking your hair back.

‘go to sleep’ you mumble ‘i’ll be fine. thank you’

‘i’ll sleep once you do’ he says firmly, hand still on your hair.

you're still dizzy but the steady strokes of seungcheol’s hand on you is a constant comfort. it takes around 10 minutes till you’re asleep.

he finally gets up, kissing his fingers and then planting that kiss to your forehead.

he heads into the bedroom, grabbing his stuff to come lay down on the floor beside you.

it’s 3:07 am when seungcheol falls back asleep, making sure he’s right where he belongs — next to you.

[littlestarlightseverywhere]

Do Your Worst

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Summary: Azriel’s lover is having a hard time, but no amount of acting out can push him away

Warnings: mentions of violence (torture)

Notes: Sorry for the silence, I’ve been having terrible writer’s block but I think I did okay with this one!

Image Credit: Pinterest

Today was rubbish. Probably one of her worst days yet. 

It had been exactly two months since Hybern captured her from Azriel’s post and took her to their war camp deep in the Spring Court’s woods. Exactly two months since she’d been tortured for information she’d die before giving up. Exactly two months since she’d made peace with her death. Rhys couldn’t track her immediately, Mor and Feyre’s searches came up empty each time, and even Azriel’s shadows couldn’t pick up a clue. Azriel had driven himself mad, downright insane, trying to find her. Each day he spent every waking hour looking for clues, scouring the forests for her scent, and each day he returned to bed with nothing to show for it. It took Amren and Nesta a month to finally locate her. In that month she laid cut and bruised, chained to a wooden post like an animal, struck, cut, and burnt for every question she refused to answer. They left her in the middle of that camp, exposed to the heat of the day, the cold of the night, the rain, the wind, and the thunder. They made her into a spectacle. 

She only thought of her family, her Azriel, the entire time. My Azriel, she’d think each time they brutalized her. My Azriel, my Azriel, my Azriel. Rhys collapsed when she allowed him into her mind after they brought her home. He would never forgive himself for sending her on that mission, nor would he ever show his brother what she’d shown him, for Azriel very well would have sent Prythian to immediate war. 

And while the cuts, bruises, burns, and broken bones would heal completely, the skin of her back would forever be changed, marred with angry, raised scars from a heavy leather whip. She could barely walk. 

The first time Azriel saw the lashes on her back, he was helping her undress the night she returned home. Each movement caused her to cry out in pain. She tried to bite her lip, clench her fist, grip Azriel’s arm, tried anything to keep from crying, but nothing helped– the pain was too much. It would’ve been a mercy from the Mother to fall apart, limb by limb, bone by bone, instead. 

Azriel had seen all the other scars when Madja was working on her; those alone made him sick and wild with a hideous rage, potent enough to crumble the mountains surrounding the city into nothing more than powder on the ground. The lashes on her back– the thought of some wretched male stripping her and lashing a whip over her soft, warm skin in the mud and rocks– filled him with a fury so intense, so horrid, he could’ve wrapped his bare arms around the sun and pulled it down to earth. Set everything on fire. 

That very night, with names in his ear courtesy of the shadows and Cassian and Rhys positioned at her door, Azriel made each of those names pay. He was back by sunrise, tucked into bed beside her, wing draped over her restless body, and she was none the wiser. 

“You’re killing it,” Madja’s appointed physical therapist, Jarrah, encouraged as he watched her do her exercises. He was tall and muscled with glittering, golden-brown skin, looking ever the Summer Court high fae that he was. 

“It’s killing me,” she ground the words out, mincing each syllable as they passed through her teeth. Pain gripped her legs, lower back, and upper arms like a vise as she fought to complete a rep, the movements squeezing every last bit of energy out of her and collecting on the mat below in puddles of sweat. “I can’t do it, Jarrah.” 

“You can and you will,” he squared his shoulders at her, smile fading as he willed her to find her strength again. In recovery, he’d taught her, there were good days and there bad days– healing was not a linear process. 

Some days she did well in physical therapy and pushed herself– the pain only meant she was getting stronger. Azriel would be absolutely beside himself with pride and their friends echoed as much. 

Other days, her body seemed to give out in protest, the pain too unbearable, and she’d wonder if she’d ever be the same again. Azriel would encourage her– she knew it wasn’t pity– but she couldn’t stand it all the same. She’d collapse onto the floor against her will during physical therapy, shoving Jarrah away with shame when he’d tried to help her up each time. Sometimes, she’d wake up in the dead of night, clammy, and nauseous from a nightmare that felt more and more real each time she had one. Azriel held her to his body whenever she’d jostle awake, heaving and shaking, stroking his warm hands up and down her arms. Other nights he held her hair back as she retched her dinner into the toilet, panting and crying silent tears. 

“To expect linearity is to set yourself up for failure,” Jarrah lectured during their very first session when all she wanted to do was get to the hard stuff, to prove that she was alright– that she was still whole. Jarrah did not mind her bad days, but something died within her every time she left training without making any notable progress– every time her body failed her when her mind seemed to be giving its all. 

From the moment they started their session this morning, Jarrah noted her body was fatigued and her mind was somewhere else. Oh dear.

“We can take a break–” 

“No!” She buckled down and held her position, determined to prove to herself that even on her worst days she could succeed. It was the most enthusiastic response Jarrah had gotten all session from her so he allowed it. He watched her body tremble from the strain, the sweat bead at her temples, the fatigue in her eyes as she fought the pain in her spine. 

Her body could not bear it anymore. She felt her traitorous legs give out beneath her and the ground came up faster than she could register, faster than Jarrah could react. A strangled cry crawled from her throat as she collapsed and her body trembled in a pain her mind could barely process. 

“Fuck,” a familiar voice rang out from the gym’s entrance and Azriel ran in. Just great. What was he even doing here? After the first training appointment in which Azriel could barely keep himself from choking out Jarrah and coddling her, he agreed to not interrupt her sessions thereafter. His disregard for their agreement made her feel so small. 

“Fuck,” Jarrah echoed. He was at her side in two steps, arms outstretched to help her up, but she scooted away as fast as her leadened arms would allow, turning her face away in shame. 

“Don’t touch me!” She croaked. 

Jarrah stopped himself by the time Azriel was at her side, crouching beside her and taking up what felt like all of the oxygen in her space. Breathe, she tried to remind herself but with Azriel hovering and Jarrah a foot away, both watching her crumpled pathetically on the mats, she couldn’t. 

“Are you alright?”

“Get her some water!”

“That’s enough for today, let’s get you some food.”

“... My love?”

Azriel’s soft voice pierced through her terrible thoughts. She felt his strong hands reach under her armpits to help her up but she pushed against his biceps, swatting him off in a desperate attempt to move away. But the pain made her so dizzy, it was difficult to create any real distance. 

“Don’t!” she cried out, for it was all she could do, and Azriel dropped his hands immediately. “I can get up on my own.”

Azriel didn’t move. Jarrah placed a comforting hand on Azriel’s shoulder. “We should give her some space.”

Azriel clenched his jaw but it didn’t stop the twitching of his upper lip. He stood abruptly, swiveling on his heels so his face was only mere inches from Jarrah’s, who’d since quickly retracted his hand to himself. To his credit, he kept his shoulders square, but even he wasn’t immune to the pure threat in the Shadowsinger’s glare. 

“My mate is in pain, she can’t even stand up, and you want to leave her like this?” He growled. 

Anger grappled her lungs, stealing whatever air she’d managed to collect. That was the problem. “I can stand up, Azriel. I’m not made of glass.” 

It took her a few minutes, but she did it. She first rotated her hips so she was on her hands and knees. With one foot underneath her, she pushed herself up, trembling, sighing, moaning as her body resisted the upward movement, but she finally stood. 

Azriel clenched his hands at his sides to anchor himself back, to resist from helping her. He knew she was capable of doing anything, that she didn’t really need him. Part of the reason he was so hesitant to pursue her all those years ago was because she was so independent that it intimidated him. Azriel wasn’t sure what he brought to the table, what he could do better that she already did for herself, how he would fit into the life she’d built for herself. 

But that didn’t change the fact that he would still do anything for her. It didn’t take away that primal need to protect her. He tried his best not to suffocate her but sometimes he couldn’t help his instincts when his love for her outweighed everything else.  

She allowed Azriel to link his arm with hers as she waved goodbye to Jarrah, silently apologizing for Azriel’s outburst. 

“Let’s get you something to eat, yeah?” His voice was soft as he led her out of the gym and to the townhouse’s sunlit sitting room. “You did so good today, love.”

“I’m not hungry.” Was all she replied. She couldn’t stomach anything after such a rubbish session. Fear that she would never be the same ever again set in, but nobody would understand. No one could even fathom what it would do to her if she couldn’t keep doing her job, going on these missions, protecting this city. If she was relegated to a desk for the rest of her life, she’d have lost everything she’s ever worked for.

“Sure you are. At least something small to keep the medicine down.” 

Madja had her on a cocktail of herbs and elixirs– something for the pain, something for the scars, probably something for how fucked her mind had become– she couldn’t keep track. Azriel kept track for her. She swallowed the pills and the bitters he gave her and allowed him to rub the salve into her scars before bed. Whatever. This was life now– being shoddily held together by some combination of antibiotics, gauze, and ointments. 

She shook her head in defiance and Azriel sighed, stopping her just before the doorway to the living room where the rest of their friends sat. She was so stubborn– if she didn’t want to do something, no one could get her to do it. It was a quality he admired but also a quality that drove him downright mad at times like this.

“What’s bothering you?” 

“You mean besides healing at a snail’s pace and sitting on my ass all day in this house while everyone else goes to work– fulfills some sort of purpose? I’m doing just great.” The smile did not reach her eyes. 

Azriel tilted his head as if to say No, really. I know there’s something else. He could read her like a damn book– it had always been that way. 

She hesitated for a moment before confessing, “I don’t know if I’ll be the same ever again.”

Azriel’s face softened at the anxiety that weighed on her shoulders so heavily they sagged. 

“Of course you will, love. It’s only a matter of time.”

“It’s been two months and I can’t even climb the stairs without needing a break. My body hurts by the time I go to bed. I can still feel my back– the scars–” the words caught in her throat and she quickly cut herself off before she choked on them, unable to talk too much about it without feeling her body and mind repulse. 

“Come here,” Azriel wrapped his strong arms around her frame and pulled her into his body so close their hearts beat in sync before each other as if in private conversation. “The physical training, the medicines, the therapist, you’ve got it all going on. No one here is working harder than you right now.”

“But what if it isn’t enough,” she mumbled into his chest, a single hot tear catching on the fabric of his sweater. She turned her face into his chest to wipe the tear away completely and Azriel’s heart broke for her. He wished he could reach into her chest and pull out the pain with his bare hands, fly with it to Ramiel and drop it at the peaks where it could never find its way back to her ever again. “You know better than anyone, you could do everything right and it still wouldn’t matter. I just need to get better. Be myself again.”

“I will love you no matter what happens. Even if you are never the same, I will still love you. This changes nothing.”

She pushed him away abruptly, hastily wiping away tears as if Azriel couldn’t see them. He didn’t get it. This wasn’t about him, about him loving her. This was her life. If she couldn’t get back to who she was, fill the roles she’d spent her whole life caring about, where would she stand among her family? Where would she stand in this life? In this world? 

“But it changes everything for me,” her eyebrows furrowed incredulously. “I want my body back, my mind back. Thanks for letting me know you’d still love me if I were to be this fucked up forever, but that’s literally the last thing on my mind right now, Azriel. I don’t want to be fucked up forever, I want to get better, and I need you to want that for me too.”

Azriel tried to find the right words, stuttering in his search to say the right thing. He didn’t mean it like that. He only ever wanted the best for her– would kill for her to have what’s best for her. “I-I didn’t mean–”

“No, I’m sure you didn’t.” She huffed, storming past him into the sitting room. Instant guilt flooded her as soon as she left him. Azriel helped however he could. Perhaps it wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t put himself in her shoes in this very situation, but he’d gone through something traumatic too, and Azriel definitely knew a thing or two about helplessness. Still, she felt so alone. Azriel tried, but he wouldn’t understand what it was like to be a woman tortured in a camp full of males. What that took from her. She wouldn’t explain it. 

Azriel watched her storm off, feeling as if he was failing her all over again. Every night, he watched the dullness in her eyes grow as he handed her the medicines. When she laid down in their bed with practiced monotony so he could rub the salve into the scars stretched across her back, he bit the inside of his cheeks to keep from crying. They were nasty things, raised and swollen with blood and she flinched every time he touched them, as if he were delivering the lashings all over again. She was hurting and he felt so helpless. He vowed to always protect her and take away her pains but he could do neither of those things and the thought of it ate him alive everyday. Only the Mother knew the true lengths he’d go to for her. That man would do anything. 

In the sitting room, Azriel brought her a sandwich that he put together in the kitchen. Nuala and Cerridwen insisted that would make it, but he politely refused. He wanted to be the one to do it. 

“Az, I told you I’m not hungry,” She murmured as he handed her the plate. 

“You need to eat something if you want to keep the medicines down,” He reasoned again. 

“I know what Madja said, I was there,” She snarked, crossing her arms. She was so tired of people telling her what to do. Jarrah telling her what exercises to do, Madja telling her what medicines to take, Rhys telling her that she shouldn’t try to work again so soon, Feyre telling her she should take more walks, Cassian telling her to drink less wine, Azriel forcing her to eat more food. 

“Okay, darling,” He placed the plate on the table when she wouldn’t take it from him. 

“Turkey and swiss, okay!” Cassian peeked at the sandwich, nudging her arm. “And he cut it in half too.”

“Just the way she likes it. In half though, not diagonal– too much crust in one bite if it's cut diagonal,” Azriel smiled from where he sat across the table from them. She could have cried at the sight of him, at the love in his eyes, in his voice. Words were never his strong suit but Azriel more than made up for it in acts of service. This was how he showed his love. This was him reaching his hand out, begging for her to take it, to let him in. To let him help. 

And she didn’t know why she had such a hard time letting him in. She didn’t want to seem incapable of anything, and letting herself fall apart the way Azriel would allow her to terrified her. She’d never fallen apart before. She didn’t know how she could do it without completely tearing herself and every past wound open again. It broke her heart to watch his smile falter when she didn’t reach for the plate. 

“I’m going to bed,” she stood up as quickly as her body would allow and left the room. It was too much. Azriel’s disappointment, everyone’s expectations, watching her, studying her, readying themselves to be there for her if she did explode. She never needed this much attention in the past– to receive so much of it all of a sudden made her feel like she was made of porcelain and everyone was expecting her to shatter at any moment. She could hardly breathe in that room and needed to get out before something within her cracked further. 

The stairs loomed before her, mocking with how many there were. Grabbing the bannister until her knuckles paled, she hoisted herself up one step at a time, maneuvering her body so that her entire weight wouldn’t be on one leg for too long. 

Nesta appeared behind her, climbing the steps she’d taken over the course of minutes in just mere seconds, with a stack of books in one arm and a handful of her gown in the other. Nesta stopped a couple steps ahead, turning around and looking down at her through long eyelashes. 

“Well this is pathetic,” Nesta snorted. 

“Fuck off,” she meant to sneer, but it came out in a breathless huff instead. Pathetic indeed.

 Nesta let her skirts fall from her right arm as she extended it toward her. 

“I don’t need your help.”

“You definitely do.”

“Don’t you have those smutty little novels to get back to?”

“Shut the fuck up and take my arm, or bust your ass on these stairs, I don’t care.” 

Begrudgingly, she took Nesta’s arm. Neither of them spoke, but Nesta patiently guided her up the stairs, supporting her where she needed it. Out of the entire Inner Circle, she got along the most with Nesta. Their conversations usually followed a very similar pattern as this one did, but only because they each saw a little piece of themselves in the other, even if they never mentioned it. 

“Heard you being a bitch downstairs,” Nesta finally spoke when they cleared the last stair and stood at the landing so she could catch her breath. 

She couldn’t find it within herself to take offense. “I love him more than I’ve ever loved anything or anyone. I don’t know why I do this,” she confessed. She didn’t need to explain further. Nesta automatically understood. When they locked eyes, that silent comprehension flowed between them again and for the first time since arriving back home from the war camp, she felt relief. The kind of relief that made your heart beat out of your chest and go a little dizzy. The kind of relief that came from being completely understood without having to spend the energy trying to put the thoughts and feelings into comprehensible words. 

“I know. It’s not your fault.” The words fell softly from Nesta’s lips. It was the last thing she said before she led her to the library. They sat in arm chairs across the fireplace and read for hours in each others’ company. No one came looking for her. No one tried to force a plate of food down her throat. No one wanted her to do those stupid mobility stretches. Nobody was asking her if she was okay. It was everything she needed. So why did she still feel restless, like something was missing?

Azriel.

She left the library after she’d calmed down. In the quiet, amongst the books, when she thought that was all she needed, she felt misery instead. She needed Azriel. She wanted to lay in bed with him forever, feel his skin on hers forever, stay in his warmth forever, feel their heartbeats sing side by side forever. Azriel forever. Nothing else would compare. 

When she reached their room, it was empty. Disappointment flooded her chest, but she knew Azriel was giving her space. As she moved closer to the bed, she found a new plate of food waiting beside a note. A remade sandwich, cut down the middle as always. 

Your favorite. Was all the note said. 

Indeed it was. She polished off the sandwich in a matter of minutes, as ravenous as she was. Actually, she was hungry when Azriel first offered one to her in the sitting room, but she was too stubborn to take it then. 

The bath towel beside the note on the bed was warm to the touch. From the soft sound of trickling water in the bathing room, she knew he’d run her a bath. The air above the tub smelled of sandalwood– his scent. As she stripped off her clothes and lowered herself into the warm water, the scent encompassed her as if he was in the room with her right then, waiting to join her. 

Surely, an hour or two must have passed. Her eyes pried open, the water and soap around her body in the tub still warm and feathery like a winter duvet. She didn’t know when she’d fallen asleep, only that it was the best sleep she’d gotten these past two months. For the first time since coming home, she slept with no nightmares and no nausea to rouse her from rest. She didn’t even dream. She simply passed out.

When she finally left the bathroom, her body wrapped in the towel he’d warmed for her, she found Azriel sitting on the bed with a book nestled in his large hands. As she stepped through the doorway of the bathing room, he looked up, smiling softly. Pure love shone in his eyes like a beacon, flashing and blinking in the darkness that war camp left her in. 

At the sight of his soft smile, the gentleness of his features, the relaxed sag of his shoulders, she felt something break. 

Sensing a shift in her demeanor, he lowered the book, eyebrows knitting together. 

"What's wrong?"

Those two damned words. She bit the inside of her cheek, walking weakly to Azriel's side of the bed. He placed his book on the nightstand and sat up straighter, anticipating her next move. 

She climbed into his lap, straddling his hips, and laid her upper body against his torso, nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck. Her arms wrapped around his body tightly, breathing him in like he was the oxygen she lived off of. Anything else, anything that was not Azriel, and she could just die right there. 

He brought his arms around her tightly, heart sinking when he felt her hot tears on his neck. She did not shake. She did not sob. He only felt the wetness on his skin and the erratic heaving of her chest against his as she fought to regulate her breathing.

He did not say anything else. He held her, unmoving except to rub her back or run his hand over the back of her head, smoothing her hair. His other hand held the back of one of her thighs to keep her in place as she grew increasingly limp in his arms. 

"I've been such a wretch." Her voice was heavy and filled with sorrow. "I've been such a wretch to you. I'm sorry Az."

"Oh my love," He held her as close as he could, willing her to feel the love he held for her in his chest. His love for her ran everywhere his blood did, from his toes to the top of his head, every day and every second, his astonishment of her coursed his body like an electrical current keeping him alive. Without her,  there was no pulse. 

"How do you put up with me?" He felt her wipe her nose on his shoulder and he couldn't help the smile on his lips.

"Because I love you, and I know your anger has nothing to do with me."

"But you should not have to put up with it."

"I will put up with anything when it comes to you. You don’t ever have to worry about that when it’s you and I,” He pulled her back so he could look into her eyes. “You went through something horrible. You’re going to need time to work through it all, but I will be here for every moment of it. I’m sorry if I’ve been suffocating you, darling. I only do it because I can’t help it. When I see you hurting I wish I could take all of it from you and put it in me.”

“I never want you to hurt,” she told him earnestly. The thought of him going through what she did filled her with rage so sudden and consuming she couldn’t begin to imagine what Azriel felt when they finally found her at the camp. 

“I could never when I have you looking out for me,” He smiled that cheeky, boyish smile that came out so rarely. 

“I’ve just been having so many bad days. I should be happy that I’m back home, that I’m safe now. I don’t know why I’m feeling like this, and it comes out at the wrong times in the wrong ways. But I don’t know what I’d do without you, Az.” 

“Even on your worst days, you’re the best of us. So do your worst. I can handle it." 

The disbelief in her eyes melted away when he cradled her head, smiling earnestly– and gods, she wished she could commission Feyre to paint him like this– a man smitten. With all the tonics and creams Madja had forced on her, she had a sneaking suspicion that none of them would truly heal her. They helped the symptoms, but never the cause. She’d accepted that it would take a damn miracle to heal the cause. And here Azriel was, pleading and lovely, looking like her damn miracle. 

She let him undo the towel from around her body and lay her into the soft covers, warm from where he sat while she was in the bath. Turning over, Azriel smoothed the salve over her scars as he did every night. But for the first time in months, she finally replied to his attempts at starting conversation as he worked. For the first time in months, she laughed genuine laughs that felt only slightly foreign– much like old friends– in her throat. For the first time in months, as he tenderly slicked Madja’s balm over her scars, praying to the Mother for her health over each one he touched, she did not flinch. 

[meatonfork]

Hi! Can I request for a grim au where, grim goes missing and the whole squad is freaking out. Then, grim just comes out of no where, covered in blood from head to toe after surviving an ambush. They take care of her and after she’s taken care of, they get ready to absolutely destroy the people who hurt her.

How Copy?

————————————————————————————————————————

pairings: platonic 141 x grim

warnings: cod violence, blood, angsty, nudity (not sexual)

summary: when grim goes missing, the task force fears the worst of their friend.

————————————————————————————————————————

“grim, how copy?” soap heard ghost’s voice crackle through the comms. his heart sank upon not hearing a response.

“grim! how copy?” again, soap and ghost were met with silence.

“god, damn it. soap, you have eyes on them?”

“no, sir.” a sigh left soap’s mouth as his brows furrowed upon the realization that you weren’t going to respond anytime soon.

the last they’d heard from you was when you’d announced that gaz had been right, and this had in fact been an ambush. that was over twenty minutes ago, and nothing since.

rubble surrounded soap’s boots, crunching under his weight as he scanned his surroundings. fallen buildings and ash littered the ground as smoke bellowed into the air. sweat had started to form at his hairline from not only running around, but worry at your lack of response.

“can we look for them?” gaz asked as he lifted his foot over a large piece of building.

“no. we need to go to the rendezvous, we can come up with something there. mission comes first, you know that, gaz.” price’s voice was strained as he answered. he didn’t like the answer he had to give, but emotion couldn’t take control. they had a mission to finish, and then you came next. they could only hope they weren’t too late by the time they’d find you.

reluctantly, gaz answered his captain’s command, “yes, sir.”

and, to the rendezvous point they went.

it was right after sunset, the four men gathered around a table as they figured out their next move. the targets had been detained. a russian operating force who was in the process of getting a new weapon that could wipe out countries at the flick of a switch.

now you.

“you think they were taken? grim isn’t dumb enough to turn off their comms.” gaz was getting frustrated. he had come to a quick conclusion that they were going around in circles. no one could decide on what to do, which was rather odd for their group considering who they were. but they were frazzled. someone so important to them has gone missing, and they all only wanted the best outcome from this incident.

“no. absolutely not. they’re too quick. no way they would’ve gotten taken. they could be hiding.” soap quickly countered back.

“then why the fuck aren’t they answering?” gaz quickly stood from his chair.

“they could be compromised. unable to answer.” soap stared him in the eye, daring him to lash out.

gaz’s nostrils flared as his eye twitched.

“calm down. now. we can’t help them if we’re arguing.” price cut in, hands up as if to prepare to physically diffuse the situation.

“well, let’s stop goi-“ soap was cut off at the sound of a thump outside the front door.

ghost was on watch, “i don’t see anything. there’s no one there.” his eyes narrowed from behind his mask as he looked through the scope of his rifle. shifting ever so slightly as he scanned the immediate area.

“then what the fuck was that?” price stood, and made his way to ghost.

“no ide-“

the door slamming open startled all four men, weapons drawing in the direction of the door.

everyone froze as you entered the room, blood covering your small shaking figure.

your hair was matted with dirt and blood, eyes wide and darting around the room. your black fitted shirt was torn, and that was made the men notice your tactical vest was missing.

you right arm was raised to your left bicep, blood seeping from between your fingers. a sizable cut made home on your throat, making the guys’ eyes immediately hone in on it.

“grim? are you okay?” price gently reached for your figure, pausing when you flinched back.

“please don’t. please don’t touch me.” a raspy breath shuttered from your cracked lips.

your eyes wouldn’t meet any of theirs, a steady tremor racking your body made it almost impossible for you to continue standing on your own.

“grim, you wanna come sit down? we gotta check out your wounds, kid.” gaz stayed where he stood, slowly raising his hands to show he was no threat to you.

standing there a second longer, you nodded. no one made a move to help you, fearing you’d lash out. instead, they let you have your moment of silence and independence before bothering to help you.

soft murmurs from deep voices met your ears, but you made no move to see who was talking. you could barely even feel your own hand gripping your arm with white knuckles.

the couch cushion under your bottom barely even registered in your mind. you sat there, unmoving as you slowly made your way back to reality. five grueling minutes before you finally came down from the adrenaline flooding your system.

a sob wracked your body, making the men in the room turn to your hunched over figure sat on the edge of the couch.

“gaz,” a whisper left your mouth, “please. kyle, please help me.”

kyle’s hair stood on end as a shiver ran over his body. he’d never heard you call for him so desperately. you’d never used his name unless it was absolutely necessary. if asked how he felt right then, he would say he was terrified. no one actually knew what had happened to you while you were missing. anything could’ve happened in those long hours you were gone.

he quickly, but steadily made his way to you; crouching in front of you, as to not startle you.

“what do you need me to do, grim?” his voice held desperation.

“i need to change. i need to get out of these clothes, please.” your hand reached out to grip his shirt, knuckles whitening.

“okay.” he nodded.

helping you off the couch, he took you to the bathroom.

under your shirt was more blood. small nicks here and there littered your skin. nothing too major, gaz had noted.

“do you want to shower? i think it would help.”

you’d only nodded, and he turned to start the shower. making sure the water wouldn’t be too hot nor too cold.

he helped you undress and step into the tub. and when you meekly asked him to help you with your hair, he did it with no hesitation. you needed help, and he was there to do so.

after you washed the blood and ash from your skin, he helped you change into a pair of his sweats and a t-shirt.

“we gotta look at your wounds, kid. ghost can help with that.” gaz’s eyes were kind, and his touch on your lower back was barely noticeable from how soft he was being.

“okay.”

stepping out, you made a beeline to the giant lieutenant.

“can you help me with these?” your shaky hand pointed to your neck and arm.

he looked you over. you looked like shit. blood seeping from your wounds and onto your freshly clean skin. a nasty bruise was forming beneath your left eye and around your neck.

“yeah, c’mon.” he beckoned you over to the table.

he made quick work, cleaning and stitching the wounds. his touch was gentle, which was a stark contrast to the anger radiating from his form.

you cleared your throat as he wrapped gauze around your bicep, “are you… are you mad at me?”

his eyes widened and snapped to yours, “what?”

his harsh tone made you flinch.

he sighed at your movement, “i mean, no. why the hell would i be mad at you?”

“i didn’t answer my comms.”

he stared at you, dumbfounded. “kid, i’m not mad at you at all. we don’t even know what the fuck happened to you. why would i be mad at you for getting hurt?” he continued wrapping your arm, quickly starting on your throat.

“i don’t know.” you whispered back. tears pooled in your waterline. “i was really scared. they just came from nowhere. i wanted to answer back, i promise! i just couldn’t. and then- and then they broke my earpiece, so i couldn’t hear you. and-“

“kid, hush. it’s okay. you’re okay. we’re here. we’re safe.” his hand latched onto your shoulder, lightly squeezing.

you took a deep breath in, “thank you, simon.”

“of course. now, let’s go find the sons of bitches who did this, and go home. yeah?”

“they’re dead.”

silence overtook the room.

“what?” price moved to stand next to you, eyes locking onto yours.

“i killed them. i wouldn’t be here if i hadn’t.” you shakily ran your hand through your wet hair. “they’re dead. all of them.”

“okay, then.” price cleared his throat.

you watched in silence as ghost packed up the med kit.

“can we go home?”

“we’re leaving in the morning, kid. come eat and then you can get some rest, mkay?” price helped you up from your seat.

“okay.”

————————————————————————————————————————

a/n: mmmm idk if i like this that much LMAO

[smoothlikealikeasnake]

Strawberry Princess - Chapter Four “Matted Tails and Soft Lips”

Pairing - Ot7 BTS x Reader

Genre - Hybrid!Au , Hybrid BTS x Hybrid Reader, fluff, angst, eventual smut, slow burn? , alternative reality , strangers to lovers , strangers to friends, friends to lovers

Warnings - so much fluff, teasing, suggestive, so much tension, slightly sexual, anxious thoughts, lmk if there’s anything else!

Summary - When a certain hybrid starts to appear whenever Jungkook is at the gym, an immediate pull is felt between the two and their eventual friendship soon is spread to the rest of his pack.

Previous Next Overview

Since the first meeting, things had gone back to the normal schedule of Jungkook and Y/n’s daily meeting at the gym with some additional outside meet-ups where different members of Jk’s pack had attended too. Y/n had met up with every single member of his pack atleast twice since and everyone had grown more comfortable. They had all since experienced Y/n’s more playful side, far from her shy and meek side. Like when Jimin thought it’d be funny to jokingly dangle a rattling toy infront of her back and forth and instead of going for the toy, he found himself being the target, ending up with Y/n very happily ontop of him before taking the toy and walking off as if it was nothing, leaving him in a state of shock on the living room floor. Or when Jin asked for her opinion on some strawberry cream he’d made to go with dessert and instead of just placing it in her mouth, he purposely smudged it on her nose so she took her spoon and wiped a large chunk onto his own cheek before spinning on her heel and running off giggling, finding Hoseok who wiped off her nose and hid her telling Jin she wasn’t in the room despite the sweet strawberries all around. It had all gone well but they had yet to all meet up at the same time.

That’s why Namjoon took it upon himself to organise for all of them to go out for dinner at the packs favohrite restaurant where they could also have a few drinks if they fancied it. That’s how Jungkook added the entire pack and Y/n to a groupchat where they invited her to dinner the following Friday. She happily agreed and carried on with her regular days but grew increasingly more worried about where they were going, what she would wear, the impression she had to make, the possibilities of things to consider kept piling and left her spiralling.

That’s how it came to the Tuesday morning, the week of the dinner, Jungkook was at the gym as usual and he had a special present in the car from one very particular fashion designer to give to Y/n. He had already finished his warm up when he spotted Y/n making her way over, water bottle in hand and smile lighting up the room. Jungkook immediately noticed her scent was slightly sweeter than usual and was surprised as the first thing she did when she got over was wrap him in a tight hug, not even able to return it as she trapped him in before greeting him and smiling up again.

“How’s my Y/nie been?” - Jungkook beamed as she let go and handed him the bottle

“You only saw me yesterday Kook and we’ve been texting you know I’ve been good” - her words however contradicted the her plump bottom lip, swollen and red from her biting it mostly likely from anxiety, she started to nibble at it again after she finished talking and Jungkook quickly realised she must be getting overstimulated by something or multiple things so he made a quick decision to change the setting to something new for her to focus on.

“You know I really feel like going to the pool, you want to come?” Jungkook asked as he looked down at the curious kitty who didn’t even know the gym had a pool, it made sense because it was on the lowest floor and not many people knew about it so it was always empty. Before she could answer she watched and felt as Jungkook rested her hand under her chin to tilt it up and used him thumb to pull her plump lip from between her teeth leaving her slightly mouth slightly agape from shock and the flustered feeling that flooded her body. She didn’t trust her words to be coherent so all she did was nod and grab onto Jungkooks inked arm, tight enough to show she wasn’t letting go until they left and he just smiled at her antics, hoping to soothe her.

“Let’s just grab my bag then yeah? Are you okay to come now?” - He looked up across the room to find Y/n’s friend was nowhere in sight, he didn’t dwell long as a sound of approval fell from y/n’s lips and she leant in further so he hurried his movements before guiding them out of the door.

‘Did she just come for me?’ He couldn’t help but wonder.

———————————————————————————

The journey to the indoor pool was short but Y/n didn’t let go of Jungkooks arm once and he had no complaints when he pushed open the glass door and felt the warm air hit him as he took in the beautiful room. The room was dimly lit with LEDs in the wall, brick and stone designs around with beautiful decoration all over, the room was truly a treasure to those who knew about it.

Jungkook led Y/n towards two lounge beds where he placed his bag on one and gently pushed on Y/n’s shoulders to sit her on the other which snapped her out of the trance she had dropped into as she looked around in awe.

“This is beautiful, do you come here a lot?” - Y/n asked, mouth slightly agape as she looked around

“Not as often as I’d like, I forget about it existing a lot to be honest” - Jungkook

“Are you getting in?” - He continued as he looked at her curiously

She grew shy at that, the idea of being in a bikini infront of him making her flush

“I don’t have a bikini with me so I won’t” - she was glad that’s all she really had to say as Jungkook had began pulling off his shirt and revealing his chiselled torso, huge biceps and the full extend of his arm tattoos which she followed down his chest to his waist before they disappeared beneath the band of his shorts, she admired the abs that lead into his defined v-line and faint trail of hair before she couldn’t help but wonder as she looked-

“That’s too bad, next time being one, it’ll be fun” - Jungkooks words had her snapping her eyes to his face, mouth agape for a different reason to before this time, his words definitely weren’t helping her case as she was flustered, incredibly attracted to him and struggling to comprehend everything set out infront of her. Even if he meant his words innocently, she couldn’t stop herself from dwelling on the then, what would he think if he saw her in a bikini? Would he like- she had to stop herself there as he lightly chuckled before walking away and getting into the pool.

He looked straight out of a movie in that moment and Y/n couldn’t tear her eyes away as he got in fully before he turned back towards her

“It’s warm, come sit on the edge” he smiled up happily at her as she obeyed with a smile and took off her long socks and shoes, shyly moving towards the edge and dipping in the bottom half of her legs as she sat down.

Jungkook seemed to enjoy his time as she moved around quickly and got his hair soaked in seconds before going under the water and swimming up to her, jumping up and splashing her making her scold him as she giggled.

“Jungkook don’t do that your getting me all wet” - she giggled holding her hands up in protest turning her head away, his only response was to use her legs as the edge of the pool as he held onto them and shook his hair, water flying all over her making her protest even louder before turning towards him and pushing her hand through the water to splash him as much as possible in her position. He stood shocked for a second before taking his own action

“You really want to play that game kitty?” - he only smirked before splashing her twice as much with ease making her squeak and try to shake it off in her spot as she wiggled before doing it back, this continued as Y/n spun in her seated position around many times and only ended up soaking her entire body, tail droopy and heavy with water and definitely matted but she didn’t notice in that moment, full of laughter and happy with Jungkooks warm hand on her thigh even if he was splashing her.

She thought he’d finally calmed down as he got closer and held onto her legs but felt herself be hoisted into the air and screamed as Jungkook lifted her over his head, over the pool and spun around on the spot as she screamed with laughter and kicked her legs wildly, holding onto him as tightly as possible, so much her claws punctured him slightly but neither of them noticed.

“Jeon Jungkook let me down!” She shouted only to scream as he jokingly put her closer to the pool surface as if he’d put her down in that instead

“Put you down here?” - he laughed as he did it over and over, lifting her up and down and jostling her around above the pool before finally giving in and putting her to safety on the side, where she began.

“I’m going to get you back for that Jeon” - Y/n was still giggling as she threatens but unknowingly started to shiver as she sat in the wet spot. Jungkook noticed and moved to pull himself out next to her and once again momentarily distracted her as the scene seemed to play in slo mo for her. It didn’t help when her eyes followed as the once loose shorts now stuck tightly to the rest of his figure, deliciously built thighs and a surprisingly plump ass and once again her eyes travelled to his front just below that devilish vline that had somehow ended up right infront of her face- her eyes snapped up as a towel was offered infront of her face and a hand to pull her up, she took Jungkooks hand that almost made her fly inti the air and slip if it hadn’t of been for the steadying wrap around her waist once she was set down. He placed the soft towel around her before using his own to dry himself off as best as possible. He quickly realised the two would be soaked in the car still and he had yet to give Y/n her present.

“Put this on Y/nie, I’ll drive you home, there’s a present for you in the car” - Jungkook handed her his shirt from earlier before as he got his own out of his gym bag, he thought she might like the one that smelled stronger of his scent and she definitely did, taking a big sniff of it once it was in her hands before thanking him. He turned around to give her some privacy to change, it wasn’t ideal as her skirt would still be wet but the shirt would cover it and make it more comfortable, she could even take off her skirt and no one would know the shirt would be that big on her. When she signalled that it was fine to turn around it seemed that’s exactly what she did as she drowned in the black shirt he gave her , it only slightly tightened around her chest before flowing out and falling just above her knees, in her hands was a neatly folded top and skirt, still very wet but he took it from her hands and placed it into a seperate bag before putting it away to take back with them.

“Ready?” - Jungkook asked as he picked up his bag and tried to ignore the amazing feeling that flooded him as he admired her in his shirt, it’s all he ever wanted to see her in again, covered in his scent so everyone would know that she was only his- but she wasn’t… yet? And she wouldn’t be only his, he’d be his mates’ too, they’d be each others, it sounded so good he almost felt like the smallest touch of her hand on his was going to set him into a scenting spree as he eyed her neck longingly, pupils dilating.

“Go on Kookie” - Y/n could tell exactly what he needed and she too felt like she needed it as she was sent into a haze from being surrounded by his scent, she tilted her neck to expose her scent gland and let him bend down to muzzle onto the sensitive spot, holding back a gasp from the sensation, Y/n had to squeeze her eyes and mouth shut to resist letting out any other noises besides the purring erupting from her chest and Jungkook moved a hand behind her neck to pull her in closer and nuzzle harder. He desperately wanted too use his mouth to scent her further but resisted and settled for nuzzling the now slightly pink spot.

Jungkook pulled back and caught a glimpse of Y/n’s face, feeling his body heat up at her feeling just as good as he did but he pushed that thought aside to slip his hand into hers and guide them towards the car , placing another towel on the seats for the journey back and settling in before they set on their way back go Y/n’s house.

Their now usual routine fell in place as they got into the car, a minute or two of conversation as they pull out before Y/n fell asleep. Their journey not too long before Jungkook was pulling up to her apartment complex. He woke her up as usual with a press to her slightly swollen scent gland and prepared to get out her gifts while she was waking up.

The two walked up while Y/n was still sleepy, only half awake as they made their way up until they got to her door, that’s when her own senses started to sharpen again, feeling the cool air in the hallway and the uncomfortable feeling all over, her damp, matted tail swiping across her back before she looked at the waiting bunny infront of her and noticed he too was practically soaked. She quickly spun around to fumble with the keys and get them in the door as fast as possible to let them in before turning back around when it was finally open.

“Come in?” - She asked, almost shyly but was reassured when Jungkook beamed at her, boxes in hand and nodding as he stepped forward to accept her invite. They both walked in and Y/n closed the door behind them as Jungkook stood almost stunned, Y/n’s scent so strong it had him lightheaded and revelling in the way it was going to stick to him. He just looked around the interior that entirely suited Y/n, it was a smaller apartment but perfect for Y/n and had a fresh white modern base all around that was decorated with pastels everywhere. It was the kind of cozy that was neat but definitely comfortable in every space, blankets and pillows of all kinds over her sofa, soft rug infront of it and lots of small trinkets in various places.

Y/n loved her apartment, it was cozy and so her but airy and quiet enough in all ways to keep her from being overwhelmed. She waited patiently as Jungkook observed with a smile before leading them over to the couch, letting Jungkook place down the boxes on her table before she realised they couldn’t sit down, they were both still wet somewhere, Y/n was soaking through the shirt Jungkook gave her in all directions, tail, hair, soaked bra and panties underneath. Jungkook was slightly dryer, his hair no longer dripping but clearly wet.

“thank you for driving me home and bringing them in and your shirt” - Y/n fiddled with the bottom of the shirt she wore as she thought about what to do. She opted to bring Jungkook a towel for his hair and realised she should probably change herself. She let him know before grabbing everything she needed, changing into some pajamas because they were comfy and quickly detangling her hair which was surprisingly easy. She came back in with her hair brush and a towel for Jungkook because she wasn’t sure what he’d need. She found him looking closely at all of her little trinkets around the room and he looked handsomely cute as his puff tail twitched and juxtaposed his built figure.

“Here Jungkook, for your hair” - Y/n handed him the towel before turning round to walk to the couch.

“Oh Y/nie your tail, it’s all matted” - The kitty hadn’t even realised her long haired tail was still soaked and matting; it had her panicking, quickly grabbing for it and feeling her ears fall straight back, smile turning into a frown as her scent soured. It always seemed to overwhelm her and make her increasingly uncomfortable and sad when her tail wasn’t dry and soft, she’d dry it before she’d blow dry her hair after every shower. Jungkook immediately noticed her discomfort and picked up the brush on the side before rushing over, Y/n in distress was making him feel strangely protective and he desperately wanted to make it better. There was one thing that came to mind that he knew might overstep boundaries if she wasn’t sure too but it could take a lot of weight off Y/n’s shoulders so he took his chances.

“It’s okay Y/n, would you like me to help? Jiminie-hyung always asks one of us to brush his tail after his showers and even blow dry it.” Jungkook stepped gently as he didn’t want to further distress the girl but when he saw the acceptance in her eyes and the silent nod as she looked up at him he started to think about his next move.

“Do you have any detangler kitty?” - Jungkook didn’t want to pull too much because her tail was even thicker and longer than Jimin and his could easily be painful.

“It’s in my bedroom, I can go get it” - Y/n replied, still trying to brush her fingers through the matted tail.

“That’s okay I can go get it, if you want?” - Jungkook wanted to do everything he could to stop this feeling she had so when she looked up and nodded silently, he followed her scent to where it was strongest and found her bedroom, decorated exactly how he would imagine, pink and white all around, cozy and comfortable, art across the walls and in the midst of his search he found what he came for, detangler. He quickly made his way back before sitting next to her.

“How do you want to sit Y/n?” - Jungkook

“How does Jimin usually sit?” - Jungkook blushed at the thought of having her the same but told her, having no problem with it if she wanted to

“Jiminie lays across my lap, he says it’s the most comfortable way to do it” - To that, Y/n moved and let herself fall across his lap, head on a pillow and the top of her thighs to mid stomach on Jungkooks thighs, she didn’t even think much of it but Jungkook was stunned at the quick movement and frozen for a second with his hands hovering not knowing his next move before Y/n handed him back the brush, signalling him to start.

Still flustered by the position ,as Y/n’s bare thighs and full ass barely covered by her little shorts are right ontop of him, Jungkook gently grabs Y/n’s tail, noticing the way she jumped but not stopping as he sprayed some detangler on the brush she gave him and started from the tip of her long tail, gently brushing out all the knots.

Y/n’s body visibly relaxed as she melted in her position, purring loudly and smiling bashfully with her eyes closed, hands kneading the pillow she rested her head on. It was only when Jungkook would hit a small knot that she’d tense slightly and he’d apologise quietly, he moved across her entire top half of her tail before getting a bit shy and regularly checking on Y/n’s face as he moved a bit further down.

The close you got to the base of a hybrids tail the more sensitive it becomes, sparks will shoot through the hybrids body from any contact on their tail but it is significantly increased as they get closer to the base. When you reach the base it causes the hybrid to become naturally aroused which is why it’s so intimate touching any hybrids tail, that’s what made Jungkook so careful and nervous when brushing Y/n’s.

When he reached the lower half, Y/n’s purring immediately tripled in volume, her face nuzzling into the pillow but she seemed relaxed so Jungkook kept as calm as he could. That was until he nearly reached her tail, a gasp fell from Y/n’s lips at the contact and her hips rose involuntarily before falling back down on his legs, her sweet scent nearly suffocating Jungkook as a wave hit him. It was almost as if Jungkook forgot one very important detail, there was an incredibly strong scent gland near the base of every hybrids tail, it started in different places for different hybrids but he was clearly holding the start of Y/n’s.

Jungkook swiftly let go before apologising and asking if she wanted him to continue, she had her blushing face buried in the pillow and let out a high pitched sound of approval.

Y/n was laying there telling herself to calm down, he’s just being nice don’t think like that. Trying to stop the noises trying to pass through her lips, she only let out loud purrs. His hands were so gentle and looked so different compared to her strawberry blonde tail everytime she looked back, it was ridiculously attractive to her and wasn’t exactly helping that he was touching and unintentionally pulling at one of the most sensitive parts of her body with every pass of the brush. She was so deeply attracted to the sight of him caring for her in that way that her focus was taken away from keeping herself calm.

Jungkook was still gently brushing when he moved with hands lower down, brushing the base and as he gently gripped her tail there to carry on when he stopped dead in his tracks, stunned as loud purrs turned into something a lot more intense. In her fascination, Y/n stopped holding back all the noises from before and the second he grabbed her tail there and brushed the base, her mouth dropped open in a high whine with her eyes scrunched closed, nothing muffling the noise as her face was turned out of the pillow to watch Jungkooks hands. Her body wasn’t sent up in sparks and moved involuntarily, thighs tense and hips lifting up, pushing Jungkooks hand straight onto the base of her tail where it connected to her lower back. Y/n’s eyes shot open at that as a clear moan left her lips, hands gripping the pillow under her head tightly as she couldn’t stop her wide stare at him as it happened.

Jungkook knew better than to move in that moment, he didn’t want her to feel panicked,embarrassed or upset. He pushed aside his own body’s reaction as blood flushed to specific regions at the noises coming from Y/n and grounded himself, giving her a soft smile that she didn’t return over her shoulder, eyes still wide. Jungkook just moved the hand holding the brush to let go, other hand still on her tail as he slowly pressed circles into Y/n’s lower back, hoping to both ground and relax her. It seemed to work as the panic in her eyes slowly eased into that droopy state Jimin would get in whenever the base of his tail was touched.

Her head dropped to the pillow again, eyes softening and the rest of her body relaxing into Jungkook. In return, he kept pressing circles into her lower back, hand kept still on her tail until she could tell him what she wanted to do, he tried to ignore the slight shake of her thighs as they were pressed tightly together ontop of his lap but couldn’t help the slight glance he took. He regretted it as soon as he noticed how soft her thighs looked, the plush of them spreading across the entire expanse of his lap even when they were tightly held together. They looked like perfect pillows, hand rests, headrests and so much more but he quickly looked away before letting his thoughts progress.

“Y/n? Do you want me to keep going, there’s just this little bit here left” - Jungkook spoke gently to her as she looked at him and nodded in agreement, he was surprised at that, sure that she’d want to do it on her own but it seemed his hold on her tail had shielded her from feeling anything negative and he was glad about that. Ensuring he was as gentle as possible, Jungkook rested her tail on his hand and used the brush he previously put down to gently detangle the knots on it. Y/n wasn’t silent besides her purrs though this time, she let out small noises at every move of his hand and pull of a knot, not in disapproval, more from the pleasure she couldn’t pretend not to have. Her scent was bursting off of her in strong waves that had Jungkook have to breathe through his mouth to hold composure before it intensified and even then, breathing through his mouth didn’t help as he could taste her and that was even worse. Even worse because not that he’d have a taste it would never be enough, he snapped his mouth shut breathing minimally as he continued until he was at the part where it connected to her back and thanked his reflexes for moving away fast as Y/n’s hips jumped up again, he would of pulled her tail if not and neither of them want to know what would happen then.

When he finished, he tapped Y/n’s upper thigh twice to wake her out of her state only to have to divert his attention away completely at the sight of her thigh bouncing just from his soft pats. She was too beautiful in every way and he felt like he was starting to lose his ability to deny his attraction and little did he know, so was she, his entire pack knew too. It was time for Jungkook to have a serious chat about next steps with Y/n with his mates.

As Y/n became more conscious she slid herself slowly back, moving her knees up to being herself back up and unknowingly putting her entire body just centimetres from Jungkooks face, she wasn’t bothered as she couldn’t ignore how much better she felt, not just from her tail being nearly dry now and soft, but from being taken care of, it was unfamiliar but she enjoyed it more than she should admit. She knew after that she would be craving his attention and touch a ridiculous amount but pushed that thought aside to focus.

“It’s so soft and nearly dry thank you Kookie it’s perfect, thank you so much” - Y/n happily threw herself into his arms, thanking him with a warm embrace and stunning him at a peck on the cheek before jumping up and focusing on the boxes that were brought in.

“So what are they?” - Y/n asked curiously, leaning in to inspect the fancy boxes

“They- Tae- dinner… clothes?” - Jungkook couldn’t form real sentences as his brain was trying to process everything that happened but Y/n understood and asked to open one to which he quickly agreed. The largest box was white, wrapped with a large bow with a small tag on it

‘For a pretty kitty - V’ Y/n’s heart fluttered at the words but she picked up his designing name, it made her curious, had he bought the surprise, or had he made it?

Y/n carefully pushed off the ribbon and pulled the lid off, curious as she saw white fur. She gently moved to grab at the material, immediately noticing the softness of it, wanting to purr just at that before she pulled it out further and stood up straight to hold it infront of her.

Y/n stood shocked as the soft white fur turned into a oversized, thick faux fur coat, similar to the one Taehyung wore when they met the first time, the white blinding and the fur perfectly soft, it was constructed perfectly, it seemed the perfect length and she wanted to wrap up in it then and there, not to mention how absolutely beautiful it was.

Upon closer inspection she noticed the tag in it, labelled by Taehyung and she found an embroidered message on it too‘ the prettiest kitty ‘ with the ‘V’ above it; she quickly realised he had made this for her, to her size, recently as it was clearly brand new and plush. She spun around with it in her hands and began to excitedly show Jungkook, spinning around him, careful not to crush the coat as she felt it delicately, she spun around like a princess as she laughed and he returned the gesture, secretly getting out his phone to record the moment, knowing Taehyungs chest would fill with pride at the sight of her loving his work.

‘It’s too much Kookie, so beautiful but too much’ - Y/n’s smile turned into a small frown, ears pinning back at her realisation, as she was about to gently place it back in the box, a large figure pressed up against her back and grabbed her wrists, pulling them away from the box to stop her. It all happened too fast from Jungkook pressing up against her to him leaning down to whisper in her ear while his thumbs pressed into the scent glands on her wrists where she felt her, making her gasp.

“I’ll let you in on a secret Y/nie, nothing is too much when it comes to you, we would give you the world, hyungs wouldn’t react as lightly as I am to you rejecting a gift because it’s ‘too much’” - Something had changed in Jungkooks voice as he whispered, body pressing impossibly close and thumbs applying more pressure, she realised it was his Busan satoori , thick on his tongue as his warm breath tickled her ear. She practically melted on the spot as she clocked his words, nothing is too much? Why would they feel like that? All of them… and then the realisation at the rest of his words set in. If this was reacting lightly, while she should deny it, Y/n really wanted to know how the rest of them reacted, it had blood rushing to her cheeks and her breath hitching.

“You understand, don’t you Y/nie?” - She thought he was finished until he said that, a high pitched noise of approval calling from her lips with her head nodding. She felt like she could finally breathe for a second as he started to pull away from her back until he leant in to whisper again

“Good girl, now go open the rest.” - the praise had a gasp leaving Y/n, her knees buckling slightly and butterflies filling her stomach but Jungkook switched up immediately, stepping back with a bit smile, his duality confused her but she had to push that thought aside as he asked her of something.

“Put it on” - Jungkook beamed at her as he said, she silently obeyed and put on the glamourous coat, it fit perfectly for her, oversized in the best way and it made her feel more luxurious than she ever had

“I love it.” - It’s all she could say as Jungkook could tell she felt so much more about it and encouraged her to open the next box, more nervous about if she’d like this one as much

The second box is smaller but just as beautifully packaged, a large bow and ribbon across it which she carefully removed, this one addressed from Jimin

‘Red will definitely be your colour - Jimin’

It had her curiosity growing as she opened the box and saw white mesh over red material and gently pulled it out, her eyes widened at the beautifully constructed dress before her.

It was red, a long fitted dress that loosened slightly at her thigh from a slit, it was both simple and complex, the perfect balance as a Matt crimson material was the base, a nearly transparent white tulle overtop that slightly ruched at the waist, both materials slightly draped at the chest area as it had thin straps to hold it on, when she looked at the back she found the tulle thickened into a large bow that slightly adjusted and underneath was the zip. The layers of the dress were connected but made it seem fuller with so much dimension, the red was prominent but somehow perfectly complimented by the white overlay.

Y/n had never worn a dress similar, it was incredible, she had never even imagined such a thing but she knew it could perfectly suit her, all she worried about was the measurements. Would it fit her? How would they of even known what size she would be? And when she saw the label, the cursive ‘Jimin’ with his own short message underneath ‘the first gift’ somehow she knew he had specifically designed this for her, in that sense he had also tailored this to her size wise but how?

Jungkook answered her unspoken question

“Tae and Jimin have an eye for knowing near exact measurements when it comes to clothes, you should try it on, I know he’d be happy to make any adjustments if it didn’t fit.” - He was more than happy to see her enjoying the gifts and knew the final two would tie it all together but admittedly was desperate to see her in the dress.

“I’ll go try it on now!” - Y/n was almost jumping with excitement, her freshly brushed tail swinging rapidly, smacking Jungkook as she spun on her feet and headed towards her bedroom. While she did Jungkook took the opportunity get his phone out and text him and his mates’ group chat.

‘She’s opened the coat and dress, she loves them’ - JK

‘Has she tried them on? What did she say about them?’ - JM

‘I knew she’d love it’ - TH

‘She has only tried the coat on, she’s so happy and she’s trying the dress on now’ - JK

Both of the designers hearts swelled with pride and joy at her enjoying their work

‘Just listen out, she’ll need help to do the zipper’ - JM

‘Tell us if it fits, tell us how it looks’ - TH

Jungkook quickly agreed and on that cue, hear Y/n’s soft voice calling out to him from her room, he walked up to the door and found her back facing him, long hair falling down her back just below her waist, the dress was on but not zipped up, he could see her arms holding the front up to hide herself but she looked over her shoulder embarrassed

“Could you zip me up please?” - Y/n refused to look into his eyes as she asked but he just smiled and nodded moving forward to touch the dress. When he got close enough her tail was tickling him as it sway, comfortably fitted in the small hole designed for it, before it moved to one side so Jungkook could reach. As he held either side his warm breath danced over her shoulder as he looked down, he held the two sides on her lower back and felt his thumbs graze either side of her lower spine as he held the zipper and slowly pulled it up. He could only move it a little bit before he gently gathered Y/n’s hair and placed it over her shoulder, revealing the rest of her back. His knuckle grazed her spine the entire time he pulled the zipper up and Y/n was a flustered mess when he was finished. He adjusted the bow to cover the zip again and tightened it before telling her it was finished.

She looked down before stepping forward, thanking him and turning around, not having seen it on herself before Jungkooks jaw dropped, she was absolutely breathtaking, the dress fit like a glove, it complimented her skin, her hair, her eyes, her aura, it was perfect on her. Only one word could fall out of Jungkooks mouth in that moment and it just

“Beautiful…” - Y/n’s heart swelled at that, not knowing how it looked but already feeling good about herself. That lead to her smiling and walking to her full length mirror. She really did look beautiful and she felt so good about herself, the dress fit perfectly, her waist fitted and hips accentuated.

The only thing newer to her was the cleavage, she never wore shirts with cleavage and having a quite large breasts meant that in this dress, they were very much out and she wouldn’t normally be comfortable but for some reason, she felt amazing about it. She was only going to be with the boys who in the last few weeks, she had learnt to trust with her life, she wasn’t sure why they got so close so quickly but she was comfortable wearing this around them, she was comfortable around them altogether.

While Y/n was admiring the dress in the mirror, Jungkook had a second to process the princess in front of him, the beauty she held and the way she made brought the design and vision Jimin had to life, he’d be so happy right now and he desperately wanted to take a picture but knew it would be better for them to wait, for them to have a big reveal. His time to process was cut off when his eyes refocused on Y/n, her body was soft, his hands always melted into her whenever he touched her and it drove him crazy but this dress accentuated every bit of her body, from her wide hips and large thighs up her soft tummy and to her large breasts, it showed every small mark on her revealed skin, every freckle and scar from her previous years, the documents of her life before them, she had stained his mind ever since they met.

From the second he lay eyes on her and it all felt too real in that moment, gifting her his mates’ special designs, helping her into her dress, brushing her tail and having her trust him with one of the most sensitive parts of her body and being comfortable enough to allow it all to happen, it felt right. It felt like they were meant to be, she was absolutely perfect in every way, every little mark on her skin was perfect, every time she would make her own marks on him by accident when she wouldn’t retract her claws was perfect, every little moment with her felt unreal. Reality felt like the most beautiful dream when he was with her; he was more than grateful, more than lucky, all he could hope is that she felt the same way but somehow he knew, within he knew that she did feel that way too, maybe it was the glint in her eyes or maybe it was the way she leant into his touch, maybe it was the way she let her hybrid surface whenever they were together or maybe it was the way she trusted him, somehow he knew.

His breathe was caught when she turned around again and he was so infatuated with her that he couldn’t hear what she said until she slightly frowned and said his name, he had to ask her to repeat herself sheepishly.

“Unzip me? Please, I don’t want to ruin it, it’s so perfect” - Y/n was so cute to him, the way her eyes looked over the dress in awe as her hair fell over her face and she used both hands to push it back, even her smallest actions were so cute. He snapped out of his thoughts as he agreed and walked forward, gently holding her bare shoulders as he walked behind her and pushed her hair to the side again, moving under the tulle bow to the zip.

‘She’s the epitome of perfection, of pure joy and beauty, one day I’ll know she’s mine’ - Jungkook knew he fell hard and fast but as his hands grazed her back and goosebumps grew on her arms as she slightly pushed into his hands, he wouldn’t change it for the world.

“You know, Jimin and Taehyung take it upon themselves to dress us all for every event, it’s one way they show their love” - He’d hoped she’d understand what he meant by this and when he felt her skin warm up, scent sweeten and tail swing faster, he knew she was blushing and understood.

“You all must look even more handsome than usual at every event then, I feel so pretty, I’ll have to return their love soon hm?” - Y/n spoke her thoughts word for word, almost in a dream in her mind, not even thinking much about how she’d admitted to wanting to reciprocate their love, Jungkooks felt her heart beating as fast as his own, rapidly thumping against her chest, it made him smile so wide. That was until he’d fully unzipped the dress and quickly noticed the fabric start to slouch at her waist, Y/n was so deep in thought that she hadn’t grabbed the fabric to hold against her chest. He worked quickly to grab the two sides from the top where the zipper connects and hold them high on her back so she wouldn’t be exposed, she still hadn’t realised until Jungkook called out her name with a ‘Careful’ it had her snapping back, cheeks flushing, embarrassed but also smiling at how much of a gentleman he was and how he had brought back that first time they spoke, when he’d told her to be careful as she dropped that bottle.

She thanked him quickly and looked over his shoulder up at him, holding her chest to hold the dress up when he let go, she felt the air grow thick as their eyes connected, anything around them muffling as they zoned in on eachother. Y/n captured his doe eyes as she studied his face, appreciating the warmth in his eyes, the hair brushing his forehead, messy from the pool earlier, the piercing on his eyebrow, his soft nose, sharp jawline, the way his soft eyes juxtaposed that dominant appearance he held everywhere else, until her eyes travelled down slightly, to the pink lips, wrapped in a thin silver ring on the same side as his eyebrow piercing, she intended to look away until his scent thickened, the soft linen smell travelling through her body until his mouth slightly parted to let his tongue past through to wet his lips and there she discovered a new detail he had kept well hidden.

When he licked his lips she saw the silver on his tongue, a tongue piercing, she didn’t know why but it had her melting on the spot, his tall figure looming over her, she felt herself slightly pushing herself up onto her tip toes to get closer , hands still holding the dress. Jungkooks own hands let go of the dress to fall onto her soft hips, he felt the perfect hand rests as his fingers immediately melted into her skin. He gripped hard enough to pull her in closer, she would of stumbled if it wasn’t for her grip keeping her exactly where he wanted her. His own gaze fell from her wide eyes to her plump lips, their natural tint drawing his in as they fell open the tiniest bit, they both knew what they wanted when she pushed herself higher and he leant down slightly, hands holding her hips tighter, he watched her eyes softly close and knew this was the moment he had been waiting for, his opportunity of confirmation. He could feel her soft, strawberry breath on his own lips, just an inch apart when he leant down, his hair definitely tickling her.

The moment could have been ruined by the loud vibrations on his phone, definitely texts from his mates asking about the dress but he refused to let it stop this. He made sure she was flush against his front in that moment and let one of his hands move up to cup from the back of her neck to her jaw, tilting her head even further up to connect their lips. It was like fireworks had set off in the both of them, y/n tried to push impossibly closer to his body, finally getting to taste the linen that would stick to her every single day, it tasted so good she nearly fell right there, she had already fallen in one way she wouldn’t let it be physically shown, or so she thought when her knees buckled but she was held exactly where she was by Jungkooks strong hands.

She let him take the lead, not even thinking about how this was her first kiss, she was more than glad to let him take it. She’d never even come close to a romantic or intimate relationship due to her reserved personality but she knew when she grew so comfortable with him and his mates that she wanted them. Jungkook felt her letting him take the lead and wanted to smirk but did exactly what she wanted instead of letting pride consume him. He kept it sweet, lightly dancing his lips over hers to ease her in, it felt so good to have that ripe strawberry taste fill his mouth and to have her soft pillowy lips against his own, perfectly fitting between each others. He pushed his own lips slightly harder against hers, keeping her steady as her body reacted, he didn’t want to make it too much the first time so he slowly pulled away. As he got a few inches from her face he opened his eyes, being softer with the hand on her neck and jaw, her eyes were still closed and lips slightly parted even more pink and plump than before just from the short kiss, he couldn’t help but wonder about how they’d look in the future, when it all happened again.

His thoughts were cut off when she opened her eyes, she felt hot, soft and so many things but one look into his eyes had her relaxing, she knew he didn’t regret it and neither did she. She wanted nothing more in that moment but for it to happen again but she also knew she wouldn’t be able to cope, not with the way she had melted in his hands, his thumb gently rubbed over her neck and hit her scent gland over and over, her eyes faultered slightly again. She could feel his grip loosen slightly on her waist and she fell a small amount to the ground from her tip-toes, he already seemed ridiculously tall but when she was looking up at him like that, his big hands all over her, he seemed like a god.

“I’ve wanted to do this for a while princess” - He smiled happily down at her but her eyes slightly widened at the confession and his satoori that had come out again, her own voice felt small but she knew he heard it

“I have too” - the confirmation was all they both needed to feel nothing but pure bliss. It took a minute before they both recovered as they realised Y/n still needed to get out of the dress and Jungkook left the room to give her privacy, immediately texting his mates so fast that he was making every typo possible but they understood, it was a step that had them all stopping in their tracks and smiling, melting even. Nothing else was thought about in that moment, not in Namjoons office, not in the kitchen with Jin, not in Yoongis piercing room where he was planning clients, not in Hoseoks dance studio, and not in Jimin and Tae’s meeting.

When Y/n came back into the living room in her set from before they both smiled bashfully at eachother before Jungkook told her she had one more present to open, her hands were slightly shaking from the previous interaction as she opened the smaller box, finding a pair of pretty white kitten heels with a small tulle bow over the toe box that matched the bow on the back of the dress exactly. They were about just under two inches high, easy for her to walk in and a bright white, one that matched the fur coat, she was already stunned by the other firsts but these brought the entire outfit together it was amazing to her how they’d thought of everything and in the soles she saw the branding of Jimin and Taehyungs company, she traced over it in appreciation with a wide smile on her face.

Fully holding one shoe she saw a small handwritten card underneath, addressed from Jimin and Taehyung

‘We hope you like it kitty, you’ll look beautiful” - the short message had her internally screaming like a child, she wanted to get up and jump with joy at the entire day she felt like she was in heaven, she couldn’t properly express anything so she just looked over her shoulder with a huge smile, not even saying anything and didn’t even notice as he clicked a picture of her, heel and note in hand, sitting so cute as she smiled at him over her shoulder. He immediately sent to the groupchat

‘Our Strawberry Princess’

Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! Just know it hasn’t been proofread or edited but next chapter will be out very soon!

This chapter was very Jungkook centred but from here on it’ll be mostly Ot7! Please feel free to ask questions, request headcannons or drabbles!

Side note; who else is in love with Come back to me, omg I am listening on repeat it’s just so good!

ཐི♡ཋྀ

[moonstruckme]

Girlllllll I'm literally obsessed with emt!Marauders. Could you maybe write one where the reader is at their apartment for dinner or something, and starts to have a panic attack, and thinks they're dying and gets the Marauders because they believe they're having a heart attack? Thanks :)

Thanks for requesting love!

cw: panic attack

emt!marauders x fem!reader ♡ 1.3k words

At first you mistake the pounding on the door for your heartbeat. It thunders in your chest, beating against your rib cage like it's vying for escape. But then the sound comes again, and you remember than you actually did go through with making the call. 

You go to get the door, opening it to find a startlingly attractive paramedic wiping his shoes on your mat. Dark eyebrows rise, disappearing behind a mop of curly hair, when he sees you. 

“You look a bit young for a heart attack,” he says. 

“James, don’t fuck around.” Another man, taller, shoulders past him carrying a medical bag. “You called emergency services?” he asks you. You nod mutely, having discovered over the phone that talking only makes your chest hurt worse. “Alright, can we come in?” 

You nod again, backing away from the door to give them room to enter. A third paramedic follows, immediately taking you by the elbow and guiding you over to your own couch. “Hi, doll, I’m Sirius. What’s your name?” 

You wheeze out an answer, sitting when Sirius encourages you downward. He seems unperturbed by your agitated state, smiling as he crouches in front of you. Any other time, the effect would be heart-stopping. You wish it worked like that now. 

“Y/n, do you have a family history of heart problems? Any pre-existing conditions?” You shake your head no to both, and he nods calmly. “Okay, but you think you’re having a heart attack, huh?” 

You press a hand to your chest, tears invading your vision as the other paramedic—James, you’d heard him called—squats beside Sirius, looking at you concernedly. 

“It hurts,” you croak out. 

“Got it,” James reassures you. He passes a pair of gloves to Sirius, who begins wiggling them on. “When did it start to hurt? Did anything happen that might’ve caused it?” 

“I don’t think so,” you shake your head. Your lungs feel like they could collapse in on themselves at any moment, but James holds your gaze, grounding you. “It just—I was making dinner, and it just started.” 

“I understand,” he says, voice soothing. “Okay, I’m pretty sure I know what’s going on here. You’re having a panic attack, sweetheart.” You must look anguished at the lack of validation for your hurt, because James sets a gloved hand on your forearm, rubbing comfortingly. “It’s really scary, I know, but you’re not dying. We’re gonna get you feeling better, alright?” 

You want to trust him, you really do, but everything in your body is contradicting him right now. You’re dying, you know it. You can feel it in your bones. A tear spills out of your eye. 

“It’s all right,” he promises you. “Listen, this here is Remus, he’s going to help get you breathing a bit better for us, yeah?” The second paramedic, the one who’d come in with the bag, sits down on the couch beside you. He gives you a small smile, the myriad of small and large scars across his face shifting with the movement. James gives your arm a solid pat. You try not to jolt. “You’re in good hands, I promise.” 

“Hi, are you comfortable?” Remus asks you. He has a gentle sort of voice, a bit raspy but soft where it counts. 

You’re sitting with both feet flat on the floor, your hands in your lap like you’re a guest in someone else’s house. This all seems a bit more polite than you were expecting. It’s missing the urgency of blaring sirens and shouting voices you’d forced yourself to mentally prepare when you’d made the call for help. You feel horribly stiff, but you nod at Remus anyway, because you’re not sure comfortable is something you can find right now. 

A small furrow appears between his brows. “Are you sure? You can sit however feels best for you, love, we’ll move around to accommodate you.” 

You shift around awkwardly, bringing your feet onto the couch with your knees near your chest. Remus gives you a rewarding smile. 

“Good, good. Okay, we’re just going to try to slow your breathing down a bit, yeah?” He takes your hand in his kindly, touching your palm to his chest. “It might be hard at first, but try to copy me, please.” 

He inhales deeply, and you manage maybe half of what he does before the air comes whooshing back out of you. A sob works its way up in your chest. You don’t know how there’s still room for anything else in there. 

“It’s okay, you’re fine,” Remus says. His thumb strokes over the back of your hand. “We just have to keep going, it’ll get easier.” 

You want desperately for him to be right, and he is. You’re not sure how much time passes with Remus holding your hand to his chest, breathing for the both of you, but eventually you’re able to mimic him. He starts counting, four in, hold for four, and then four out, encouraging you every step of the way. 

You feel a pressure on the inside of your wrist. You look down, but Remus catches your chin in his hand. “You’re all right, love, James is just getting your vitals. You’re doing so well, keep going.” 

You do your best to keep focussed on him, ignoring the occasional prodding or the feel of cool metal against your back. The pain in your chest eases to a dull ache. Soon, you’re no longer straining to hear over the blood rushing past your ears. 

“Alright.” Your concentration breaks at the sound of a voice to your left, and you look over to see Sirius coming through the door. You hadn’t realized he’d left. “We’re all set in the back, how are we doing in here?” 

“Pretty good,” Remus says, giving your hand a kind squeeze before letting it drop from his chest. His voice takes on a wry quality as he turns to Sirius. “Could’ve been better if you hadn’t distracted her, but now I suppose we’ll never know.” 

“Sorry.” Your voice sounds hoarse and torn up. 

Remus looks at you with something close to alarm, but Sirius speaks before he can. “Oh, it’s nothing to do with you, dollface, he just likes giving me shit.” He steps forward, peering at you. “You look tons better. No gurney, then?” 

“Don’t think so,” James says, and you look down to find him crouched at your side, draping a stethoscope back over his neck. “Heart rate’s coming down with breathing, and it doesn’t seem like anything else is amiss. Should be an easy ride.” He looks at you, warm brown eyes melting you like wax. “Think you can walk out to the ambulance, sweetheart?” 

“I—sure, yeah.” You stand on shaky legs, and both Remus and James stand with you, hands hovering in case you need them. You feel so pathetically frail you almost want to laugh. “Um, why are we going to the ambulance?” 

“We’re just going to bring you to the hospital to make sure there’s nothing else wrong,” Remus says. “It’s nothing to worry about, just precautionary stuff.” 

“But I’m—I���m okay, right?” 

“We think so,” James reassures you, taking your elbow to help you off the curb by the ambulance. “Do you not feel okay?” 

“I feel better,” you say uncertainly. “It’s just…” You bring your hands up closer to your face. They’re trembling gently, just like the rest of you. “I can’t stop.”

“That’s totally normal,” Remus promises. James abandons your side to hop into the ambulance, reaching down to help you up, and Remus’ hands ghost over your waist as you clamber inside. He climbs up after you. “You might also have some muscle soreness, nausea, fatigue. It’s probably all just your body coming down from the attack, but you should still tell us, okay?” 

“Okay,” you echo, nodding. “Yeah, I’m really tired.” 

“That’s fine, sweetheart.” James rubs your shoulder warmly, encouraging you to sit on the gurney in the center of the ambulance. “You can take a little nap on the way if you gotta. I’ll wake you when we get there.”

[your-highnessmarvel]

Repairs

Requested by @talesofreading : Would you write something where you're a close friend of Steve and one time as your Bike needs some repair, he tells you to bring it to Bucky as he's good in fixing it. You're hesitant first as you have a bad crush on him but you decide to do it. So when you get there he's wearing a muscle Shirt, is all dirty and Looks pretty hot with his metal arm. So after you watch him fix your bike you can't resist the way he also Looks at you, so it happens that you end up in his shower together with some passionate smut. Later then he asks you for a proper date? 🤭

AN: omg this was sooooo good to write omg

Warnings: SMUT SMUT SMUT, piv, oral (f receiving), fingering, language

*gif not mine

MASTERLIST

"Yep, totally busted," Steve said, looking back up at you from where he knelt next to your smoking bike.

You put a hand to your sweaty forehead. Both of you had been at this for the better part of the afternoon, trying to figure out what was wrong with your motorcycle. Steve was in his white wifebeater, stained black from oil and grim, nails coated in dirt. He'd sweated right through his shirt and even his jeans were full of mud and dirt.

You'd sweated your fair share as well, competing with dirt under your nails and sweat right into your hairline. you didn't look any better, but you didn't care; this was your best friend, after all, and you had no reason to try to impress him.

"You know what?" Steve said, putting his tools back into his box. "You should go see Bucky."

You immediately rolled your eyes.

"He's good with bikes, y/n," he commended, seeing the way you shook your head.

"Is this another ploy to set me up with your grumpy best friend?" you retorted, crossing your arms over your chest.

Steve got to his feet, dirt-stained hands going right into his pockets. "I mean it, y/n," he said, almost scolded. "I'm not as savvy with bikes as he is. He'd do it if you said I sent you."

"Then come with me!" you said. "Every time I'm alone with him, there's this awkward silence and all he does is grunt as a response."

Steve smiled. "I wish I could come, but I've got a date," he answered.

"Yeah, right," you grumbled. You watched him carefully, your best friend and mentor, and something along the edges of his eyes was curious.

He was shy.

"Who is she?" you asked.

He shrugged. "A girl that I saw at the library." He cut that off pretty short, picking up his tools, his towel, and throwing the keys back at you. "Now, get to Bucky's before it's nightfall."

Bucky lived way out of the city, into the utopian suburbs. You found it funny that this was the life that Bucky chose. After everything you'd heard from him, you'd pictured him in a dingy, half-lit, half-crumbling one-bedroom in Manhattan. Not in the outskirts of the city.

Thank God your car could pull a trailer, or else you'd have had to ask Bucky to meet you at your place, and that just wasn't happening. The thousand-year-old soviet asset was known to be a judger of literally everything.

You pulled into Bucky's parking space, the garage to his tiny little house open, like a black mouth ready to swallow you in. By this time, it was nearing four in the afternoon, and the sun was searing, hot and humid, and with just a foot out of your car, you were already sweating.

You closed the door loudly, maybe trying to announce your presence so you didn't have to knock on the door.

"Hey." It was Bucky, coming out of the shadows of his garage. It took you a second to get the hinges in your jaw to work because, damn.

You'd always thought of Bucky as a man who passed as good looking. Well, when you met him, he was still in heavy therapy and on government surveillance. He still had long, matted brown hair and a face dragged down by sorrow.

But now. Now he'd taken to cleanly shave his hair, leaving a few inches of thick, curling locks on top of his hair, not totally covering his ears. And even though he was slimmer than the last time you'd seen him - he hadn't been working out as much - he still looked... better. Real better.

"Hey," you said, awkwardly waving at him. He was carrying a white rag, cleaning his hands from oil or dirt or whatever else he'd been doing. "Steve said I could come to you if I had problems with my bike?"

He pursed his lips. He came closer, out of the shadows and into the mid-afternoon sun, and you got a good glimpse at him. Golden skin, scars matting his hand, his knuckles. He was wearing a muscle shirt, the kind that was maybe a bit too small for him, molding to his muscles, straining across his metal bicep.

You'd never really seen the arm before. Only flickers of his hands or fingers, but never the entire machine.

You licked your lips, something squeezing in your lower belly.

"What's wrong with it?" he asked.

you shrugged. "Dunno."

He glazed his eyes, rolled them. "Alright, take it down and bring it into the garage."

With a tiny sigh of resentment - he wasn't helping you - you unlatched the ties of your bike and rolled it into the garage. it was darker, a little cooler, inside. As you settled your bike in the dead center of the room, Bucky brought two stools, effortlessly carrying them around.

He sat on his and motioned with a wrench for you to sit beside him. Even though you'd sweated all day in your black t-shirt, and God knows whatever he'd down today, there was something terrific about sitting this close to Bucky.

His tanned fingers worked to open up the bike, his metal hand working the wrench.

"Ah," he said, poking around the engine. "I see what's wrong."

"Is it fixable?" you asked.

He chuckled. "Don't worry, darling," he whispered.

You swallowed the heat climbing up your throat, watching him get to work in silence. Unlike Steve, Bucky didn't tell you what he was doing or why; he just did it.

It took longer than expected. And the more he worked, straining against your bike, the sweatier he got, the more figetting you did.

His flesh arm was glistening with a thin layer of sweat. His hand was veined, strained against the metal piece he was holding aside. His fingers were dirty with grime and dust. Even that God damned muscle shirt was stained with dirt and sweat and grime.

By the time he was done, a light sheet of rain was coating the ground outside. It was pitter-pattering against the cement, a slow drone of rain against the tin roof. Almost comforting.

"You can't take your bike out in the rain," he said, putting everything back in its place, stowing his tools and his rags.

You gulped. "Yeah, I'm sure the rain will let off soon." You dragged your sweaty palms onto your jeans nervously. It caught Bucky's eye.

He stood, dragging your eyes up to his figure. He was so tall, so wide at the shoulders, sweating in his shirt, hair a mess.

"I've got beer inside," he said, throwing the rag in the corner of the garage, placing his tools on his self-made wooden desk. Then he turned to you and gestured to the front door. "Come on."

You followed him out into the rain, walking quickly up the steps and into his home, which smelled of him, something woodsy, and air freshener.

You were humid, rain dotting your skin as you took off your sneakers and followed him into the kitchen. The air conditioning was making you cold.

his home was cozy but so boyish. No decorations but a huge TV. A grey couch with not pillows or blankets. Empty liquor bottles as props over the refrigerator, which droned on and on. There was only one magnet on his fridge, and it read "I love NY!" Which was ironic because Bucky didn't love anything.

"Here," he said, offering you an ice cold beer, but it did nothing to warm you up. You leaned back against his kitchen counter, sipping on your beer, watching him poke around the inside of his fridge. The yellow light cast on his face like a glow, and he hummed when he found what he wanted.

By the time he took out the rolled up cheese, he saw you shivering by the sink.

"I'm sorry," you said, settling the beer down. "I'm just a bit cold from the rain."

He hummed, slamming the cheese rolls on the kitchen table.

"We ought to warm you up," he said, diving back into the fridge to get a beer, which he opened and took a five good gulps before he wiped his wet mouth.

"Yeah," you chuckled, pressing your hands against your arms, searching for heat.

The super soldier, immune to any heat or cold or anything really, stood before you with his sticky muscle shirt molding to every nook in his muscles. His arms, his chest, down to his abs. Water had made it almost see-through, and you felt like a perv watching as he breathed, watching his muscles contract beneath the fabric.

"You should take a shower, y/n," he said, tone low.

You startled, eyes dragging from his abs to his face in a split second. Did you smell? Was that why he'd said that?

"You're shivering, poor thing," he said, clucking his tongue, taking another wild swing of his beer. And you noticed that he was eyeing you took, at your jeans sticking to your thighs, your hips. At your wet shirt glueing to the curve of your waist and breasts.

He set his beer down and offered his hand. "Come."

On some instinct you'd never registered before, you took his hand, flesh fingers warm and calloused.

He led you into a small bathroom with no windows. where various male paraphernalia was strewn across the sink. He pulled the shower curtian back and started the shower and you just stood there like a fish out of water; mouth slightly agape, your hand still loosely holding on to his.

"Bucky?"

He hummed.

"I don't get it," you said.

He returned his gaze to yours, satisfied with the steam rising from the shower. He gave you a small, tight smile. "Get undressed," he said, gesturing his chin at you, dropping your hand.

You stood there like a statue, examining him; from the hard jawline, the seriousness in his eyes, the way his skin pulled back when he moved his mouth.

Then, harder this time, "Get undressed or freeze, sweetheart."

The nickname, the pet name, sent a wave of fresh heat right into your face.

He watched, then slowly, he smiled. Like a rpedator trying to win its prey without having to sink teeth into flesh.

He took a tiny step towards you, watching your breath hitch, and he slid metal fingers under your shirt, pulling it up until it came right off your head. Your hair flopped back down over your shoulders, covering your bra.

He bit his lip. You watched, entranced as he moved to unbutton your jeans and slide them down your legs. He was agile because he took your panties off with it.

He came back to his full towering height, and he brushed your hair behidn your shoulders, exposing your chest, your full flesh to him.

He snaked an arm around your waist, and you gulped, the feel of his hands, burning metal fingers, was like a lightning bolt had erupted under your skin.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, close to your ear, his breath in your hair. "So fucking gorgeous." He slid his metal hand up and then your bra was sliding off your arms.

"Let me touch you, y/n," he whispered in your ear. You gulped, nodded. "Use your words, sweetheart," and his voice was rugged, wretched, as both his hands slid careful fingertips up on your ribcage.

"Yes, Bucky," you whispered.

He huffed against you. And then his metal hand engulfed your breast, knead it the way he wanted, and his lips found your neck. You whimpered, taken by surprise by his sudden act of devotion. His tender fingers pulling your nipple, drumming against your ribs, lips leaving a wet trail of kisses up your jugular.

When he kissed you, his mouth was warm and wet, and he molded his lips to yours carefully, like he didn't want to scare you off.

You kissed him back just as carefully, confused and distraught, unaware that for years, Bucky had been yearning for this opportunity. For this moment where he finally had you alone.

Quickly, the kiss became rougher. Your hands pulled at the soft, thick strands of his hair and he pulled you aainst his with his metal arm around your waist. He nipped at you, teeth sinking into your bottom lip, groaning as his flesh finger felt you.

He skimmed along your navel, until he could cup you in his palm. You squeaked, taken by surprise. "Easy there, princess," he whispered against your mouth. "Just wanna make you feel good."

He dove right back for a kiss, delving his tongue behidn your teeth while his fingers started working circles around your clit.

You had realized how riled up he'd gotten you, like a hardwire ready to snap.

You bent like a bow in his arms, moaning against his mouth as his fingers continued to circle your clit in slow, languid circles. And when he prodded farther, where you most ached for him, he moaned against your mouth when he felt just how soaked you were.

"Fuck, y/n," he groaned, pulling his mouth from yours.

You almost whimpered at the lost of contact, but he picked you up so effortlessly, so quickly, that you hadn't registered that you were now sitting on the edge of the sink until you couldn't see him anymore. All you could see was the steam rising from the shower, clogging the bathroom, settling on your skin in dotted water drops.

And Bucky, on his knees, pulling your knees apart. His eyes, hooded and so blue, looked up at you as he kissed the inside of your thigh.

"One leg on my shoulder, baby," he ordered, his metal hand under your thigh, helped you move until you were almost straddling his face. "That's it, good girl," he groaned, biting into the plush of your thighs.

The angle sent you backward, back against the cold mirror, and one hand hanging onto the edge. Ready to plummet or fly, you couldn't tell.

His mouth teetered around your pussy, kissing along your thighs, until he settled over your clit and gave you one long swipe of his tongue.

Your head fell backwards, eyes closing, hips searching for his mouth.

"You taste so sweet," he cooed, pressing another long lick from your hole to your clit.

A strangled moan escaped your clenched teeth when he sucked on your clit, one of your hands digging into his hair and pulling him where you wanted him.

The room was filled with the filthy sound of Bucky getting his fill, lapping you up and sucking in your clit like a man starved. Both hands leaving ink-blue marks in your hips.

He worshipped your clit, flicking and sucking to a rhythm that had your thighs shaking against his face, with you pulling his hair by the roots. He sucked and fucked your hole with his tongue until a knot formed right under your belly button and exploded in white hot lightning.

As your orgasm washed through you in waves, rocking against his face, a moan hitched in your throat.

Bucky held your thighs open, refusing to let them close, and lapped up his fill.

When you were but a trembling, babbling mess, Bucky it into your thigh, kissing up your knee until he was standing between your legs. His eyes were hooded, pupils blown, mouth red and glittering, swollen from the kisses he'd lain on your clit.

"Come 'ere," he groaned, grabbing you by the back of the neck, bringing you upright on the counter. He brought his mouth to yours in a feverish, harsh kiss that left you dizzy and scrambling to keep up with him.

You pushed him away, grappling at his shirt, pulling it over his head. You gorged on the sight, on the tanned skin exposed, the scar where his metal shoulder meshed with his flesh. You touched the tips of your fingers to his metal shoulder, skimming down to his hand.

He took your mouth again, pressing you back into the mirror, hands in your hair, on your breast, skimming down back to your dripping hole.

He entered one flesh finger, pressing against your walls, so slippery and warm. He hummed, feeling your breasts against his chest as you bowed your back at the sensation.

You patted him through his pants, feeling him warm and hard against your touch. He hissed at the sensation, nipping at your mouth.

He continued to move his digit in and out of you, pressing his palm to your clit. You continued palming him, pressing against the impressive length of him until he groaned and took himself out of his pants, dropping them at his ankles and kicking them away.

Your mouth opened in a small 'o' at the sight of him, hard and thick, tip dripping precum.

"Too much for you sweetheart?" he asked, pressing his forehead to yours, thumbs on each side of your jaw.

You shook your head, gulped, saw the faint smile that crossed his face. He watched you with keen eyes as he lined himself with your soaked heat.

He pressed his thumb against your mouth, kissing you, as he slowly inched in. He watched you take it, watched as your mouth opened, brows curving upward.

"Don't give up on me baby," he whispered, nipping at your mouth, pressing open-mouthed kisses to your jaw.

He slid himself to the hilt, grabbing your hip in a bruising grip, metal hand pressed against the foggy mirror over your head.

You gasped, latching onto his shoulders for dear life as he pulled back and thrust back into you, feeling you clench and flitter around him.

You whimpered, body pressing up against the mirror with one harsh thrust from his hips.

"That feel good, huh?" he asked, boring his eyes into yours, keeping a slow, languid pace with his hips. "Tell me, y/n, that feel good when I fuck you?"

You nodded, feeling him slick, sliding into you with ease, stretching your walls and hitting that spot deep in you that made you writhe.

"Yes, Bucky," you answered, breathlessly, scratching at his flesh shoulder.

He groaned, taking your mouth with his, speeding up his thrusts, making your head catch on the mirror. You moaned against his mouth, giving up full control of your body to his, at the mercy of every thrust, every change in rhythm.

"Taking me so well," he grunted, hiding his face in your shoulder, bruising grip on your hip helping him thrust himself deeper into you. Then he pulled himself up, face hovering over yours, searching your gaze wildly. "You like it when I fucked this tight little hole?" he asked, and again, his tone was scratching the surface of something wilder.

You nodded, feeling a knot form in your belly, your thighs closing around his hips. His mouth stretched into a smile, pounding deeper and faster into you. "Yeah, you do," he said, almost mockingly, pressing a sweaty forehead to yours. "I see the way you always look at me," he grunted, kissing your mouth, humming at the moan that left your lips.

"Bucky, please," you whispered, eyes falling shut, your orgasm on the brink of breaking.

"I feel you, y/n, come on," he grunted, keeping a harsh, pounding pace until your legs shook and your orgasm broke through you in waves. "Fuck, that's so tight," he breathed, chasing his own end, pounding into your tightening hole.

A stuttered moan left your lips as you clung to Bucky, rocking into your orgasm with every thrust, feeling the wave of pleasure reach your toes. His metal hand came slamming onto the mirror beside your ear, cracking into the glass as he pounded into you, breathless and wordless until he gave you a few sloppy thrusts and he was spending himself in you.

He stayed there a few moments, breathing with you, kissing you softly until he pulled out of you. You stuttered, a breath hitched in your throat, as you felt him leaking out of you.

He met your gaze, leaning back to examine his work, and then he slowly helped you to your feet. You giggled at your loss of coordination, hearing Bucky chuckle too as he helped you into the shower.

You let the warm spray wash his seed from the inside of your thighs, soak into your hair.

"Warm enough?" he asked, chin on your shoulder.

You chuckled. "I've been warm enough for a little while."

He hummed, placing both hands along your waist. He helped you wash up, lathering your skin and hair, helping you wash out the suds.

"Are you okay?" he asked, pressing tender kisses to your shoulder. "You're quiet."

"Yes," you answered, looking over your shoulder at him. "Are you?"

He smiled, eyes low. He raised his brows. "I am now," he whispered.

When you were done with the shower and you were both drying up, Bucky tied his towel around his waist and watched you put your hair up in a towel.

"What?" you asked.

He snorted. "It isn't like me to do...this," he said, leaning against the sink. His chest was wet, glistening spots lingering down to his abs. It was enough to make you want to do this again.

You smiled but didn't answer, focused on getting your towel around your torso.

"Do you want to go out to dinner sometime?" he asked, and you looked up, met his eyes across the steamy bathroom, and smiled.

"Yeah, of course."

[illdowhatiwantthanks]

Let Me Keep You Safe

Emily Prentiss x fem!reader Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, mentions of child sexual abuse, flashbacks, panic attacks, PTSD, hurt/comfort, some explicit language Word Count: 2.5k

Summary: When Emily works a case that hits a little too close to home–a little too close to you–she has a hard time keeping her emotions in check. Takes place during S3.E5.

Your heart beat rapidly, desperately, as Emily pressed her lips into yours, hands roving over your body, the weight of her on top of you giving you just the right amount of resistance as you pushed your hips against her.

You moaned into her mouth and she grinned, grabbing your face and kissing you more, deeper, harder, until you could barely breathe.

You snaked one of your hands down the waistband of her shorts, and she grabbed your wrist.

"Nope," she said, smiling, snatching up both your hands and holding your wrists together with one of hers. "Not this time," she said, kissing each of your knuckles. "This time, I take care of you and you..." You gasped as she slammed your wrists above your head, pinning them in place. "You stay still for me."

The moment your hands hit the bed above your head, it was like you'd been transported to another dimension, into a nightmare. You blinked rapidly, looking around, the layers of the world around you like a Viewfinder caught between slides. Emily's room, then the elementary school gym equipment closet. You coughed, feeling bile rise in your throat. You could smell the stale sweat, the rubber of the basketballs, the Juicy Fruit in the gym coach's mouth as he leered over you. You felt the gym mat–such a poor barrier between you and the hard tile floor–at your back, the coach's rough hands, huge against your tiny wrists, pinning your hands in place above your head. He sat on your legs as you tried to squirm away, shaking, tears leaking down your face as he roughly pulled down your shorts.

"Stop!" you yelled. "Stopstopstopstop."

In one layer of your brain, you saw Emily release your hands immediately, sitting up and holding them away from you, a concerned look on her face.

You breathed heavily and sat up, pulling your knees to your chest.

"What's wrong?" Emily asked gently, looking you over frantically. "Did I hurt you?"

You covered your ears with your hands, rocking back and forth.

"Y/N," Emily prompted, growing more concerned by the second. "Talk to me."

Your head shot up, looking wildly about the room.

"I gotta go home," you said, still rocking.

"What!?"

"I have to leave," you insisted, hyperventilating. "I have to– I have to go. Right now. I have to go, I have to leave."

Emily placed a cautious hand on your shoulder. "I'm not gonna let you leave, Y/N. You're clearly not okay."

You grew more and more distressed, your breathing haphazard and tears forming in your eyes

"Shit!" you yelled, slamming your fist into your head.

Emily grabbed your hands tightly in hers, deeply alarmed.

"Hey!" Her voice was forceful, worried. "What the hell is going on!?"

You started to shake, and Emily noticed that your pupils had dilated wildly.

"I can't–" you stuttered. "I- I have to leave. I don't- I don't want you to– see."

There was a moment then that Emily would remember vividly for the rest of her life. It was the moment that she got it. The way you hugged your arms around your body. The way you recoiled from her touch, and covered your head protectively with your hands, nearly in a fetal position. She'd remember later the way her stomach sank, the way her heart felt as if it had burst open and bled out. It was the moment she realized that something bad had happened to you. Something violating, something awful, something so horrific it would never let you go.

She inched closer to you, careful not to touch you. "Is it a panic attack or a flashback?" she whispered.

"F-flashback," you answered, shaky. "I h-haven't had one in a l-long time."

"Okay," Emily nodded, her voice soft and kind. "What can I do to help you?"

You looked at her then, your eyes huge, a tear streaking down your face. "Can you j-just h-hold me? Really t-tight? It'll get w-worse. I just have to r-ride it– out. I'm s-sorry, Em. I–" Your voice cracked, and you turned away.

"Shh," Emily cooed, pulling you close, wrapping her arms tightly around you. She pressed your head into her chest, a gentle hand on the side of your face. "It's okay," she whispered, kissing the top of your head. "I'm right here, baby." She ran her fingers through your hair, the rhythm soothing you a bit. "I'm right here."

The worst moments of your life played in your mind as if from a 4D projector, surrounding you with the smells, the sights, the tactile disgust of his hands on you, his body against yours.

You screamed, but your voice was muffled, as if it was stuck in your throat and only the echo of a scream could get out. You grasped tufts of your hair, pulling tightly.

Emily took your hands and placed them gently under her arms, so that they were stuck in her tight grip around your body.

"It's not real anymore," she whispered, for you and for herself. "Y/N, I'm right here." Her voice broke, and she looked at the ceiling, willing herself not to cry, not right now. "I won't let anyone hurt you. Do you hear me? I love you. You're safe. You're safe with me."

After a few minutes, the horror film in your mind came to a close. Your body shook, spent from the adrenaline rush. Panic took an incredible toll on the body.

After a moment, you pulled away from Emily, burying your head in your hands. "I'm sorry, Em," you said, voice rough. "I'm so sorry."

Emily caressed the side of your face. "Honey, look at me."

"I can't," you whispered, your voice small, like a terrified child's. "We can break up if you want to. I'll understand."

Emily held your face in her hands, tilting her head down to meet your eyes. "Oh, honey, I don't want that at all. I love you. It's gonna be okay."

You let her run her thumb back and forth along your cheekbone for a few minutes, letting your heartbeat and breathing match the rhythm.

After a while, Emily ventured a question, one she was terrified to ask. "Was it something I did?" Her voice was so quiet you almost didn't hear her.

You exhaled deeply, taking her hand in yours and rubbing circles into her palm.

"The man who hurt me," you started, letting out a shaky breath. "When he held me down, he..." You hated to tell her, but she needed to know. She needed to know it all. "He pinned my hands above my head."

Emily pressed her hand over her mouth, a look of abject horror on her face.

"Y/N," she breathed, her face wracked with guilt. "I'm so sorry. I–" Her voice broke, and a few tears slid down her cheeks.

You were quick to reassure her. "It's okay," you said. "You didn't know. How would you have known?"

"Still," she said, her brows furrowed, dashing tears from under her eyes. "I should have asked first. I should have–"

"I probably would've told you to go for it," you admitted, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I didn't think about it until..."

The silence between you was heavy, with your shame, with Emily's guilt and heartbreak.

Emily looked awful, like she'd never forgive herself. "Emily," you said, pressing your body into hers and wrapping your arms around her waist. "It's okay, I promise. I'm okay. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I hurt you," she whispered, beating herself up.

You placed your hands on your face, your arms, your chest, as if checking for injuries. "Mm, I don't feel hurt."

"You know what I mean."

You lay down in the bed, beckoning Emily to you. She reluctantly obliged, pulling you into her so that you were snuggled into the crook of her neck, her fingers tracing back and forth over your arm.

"I'm okay, Emily," you assured her.

"No, you're not." Her voice was still thick with sadness.

It was in your nature to be bright, to try and combat the dark things with laughter and beauty. You'd had so much darkness in your life, so much hurt, that the only way through it was to seek out the bright spots, to avoid the dark ones. But sometimes the dark spots couldn't be avoided.

"I'm not, but I am," you tried to explain, then sighed. "I'll call my therapist in the morning."

Emily pressed her lips into your temple, trailing her fingers through your hair. After a few minutes, your eyelids grew heavy.

"Em, I'm tired. We should go to bed."

"Shh," she cooed, pulling the blankets up around you and leaning to turn off the light. Her arms were tight around you, secure. "You go to sleep, baby. I just want to hold you for a while."

You woke up screaming that night. And the next night. And the next. It was taking a toll on your health–mental and physical. Emily hated it. She hated that you woke up terrified, woke up hurting, woke up with the knowledge that it wasn't just a dream. It had really happened. It became her sole mission at night to make sure that she was there for you when you woke up, ready to wrap you up in her arms, to press kisses to your face, to let you know that you were safe, that she had you, that she'd never let anyone hurt you.

Therapy would help, you said, but it'd probably take a while. When the BAU got called in on a child abduction later that week, she was relieved it was in the area. She knew she'd eventually have to leave you overnight, but she wasn't ready to, not yet.

If there was one thing Emily was good at, it was compartmentalizing, and that served her well in the field. She managed not to think about you for most of the day, focused instead on the little girl who'd gone missing in a mall.

That is, until they started to suspect that the girl had been sexually abused. Emily seethed under the surface, trying her best to remain calm and collected. She needed to be calm in order to do her job.

She was calm as they broke the uncle, drawing him out, luring him into confessing that he had, in fact, been molesting his niece.

She tried to stay calm as they approached the aunt, but she hit her limit when she realized that the aunt had known. The aunt had known and had prioritized her comfort, her ignorance, over that little girl's safety and innocence.

Emily felt herself growing angrier and angrier as she grilled the aunt. Time was running out for the girl. And, now, every time Emily thought of her, she saw you. She saw you hurt and scared and betrayed with no one to help you. And it made her livid.

"She trusted you!" Emily spat. "She trusted your family, she trusted your husband. You need to tell me where she is!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," the aunt lied, avoiding Emily's eyes.

Fuming, Emily grabbed the doll Morgan and Reid had brought from the girl's house, the doll she'd desecrated and broken and dirtied as a reflection of herself. It made Emily sick to look at it. It made her sick to know that you, too, at some level, still thought of yourself this way. Because of what someone took from you, did to you.

She shoved the doll in the aunt's face, nearly spitting with rage. "This is how Katie sees herself! Self-loathing. Dirty. Disgusting. That is what your husband made her feel!"

The aunt shook her head, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes.

"Do you have any idea how terrified she must have been? How confused?! While you lay awake protecting an animal!" Emily railed, thinking of the nights you woke up screaming, shaking. The nights you ran to the toilet and vomited because you were that scared, that disgusted, even all these years later.

Morgan stood off to the side, watching, a concerned look on his face. Emily's impassioned questioning seemed to be working, but he could tell it wasn't just an interrogation tactic. Emily was losing control of her emotions. For now, it was working in their favor. But he'd be lying if he said he wasn't concerned.

"You robbed that little girl of her innocence!" Emily yelled, getting in the woman's face. "Are you gonna steal the rest of her life from her as well?!"

And with that, the aunt broke, revealing where she'd stashed her niece. Morgan sprinted out of the room, beckoning a team of paramedics to follow.

Emily, spent from her outburst, numbly handcuffed the aunt and led her to a waiting squad car.

Afterward, Morgan pulled her aside, making sure they were far enough away that no one else could hear their conversation.

"You alright, Prentiss?"

"Yeah," she replied tersely, looking at the ground.

"I don't mean to pry, but it feels like this one was personal for you."

Emily remembered suddenly that Morgan had been molested, too, and softened.

She met his eyes, and they just looked at each other for a moment.

"It's not me," Emily finally said.

Morgan waited, leaving her space to continue if she wanted to, and space for silence if she'd prefer that.

Emily briefly considered lying to Morgan, but he was her best friend and, honestly, she could use a friend in this with her. Especially one who'd understand like Morgan would.

"It's Y/N," she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I'm sorry." His voice was sincere, heartfelt. It was a simple thing to say, but sometimes the simplest things said the most.

"It's... come back up recently," Emily continued, trying to toe the line between confiding in Morgan but not violating your privacy. "I think she has PTSD."

Morgan placed a strong hand on her shoulder, squeezing it lightly. "It gets better," he said. "It takes a while, but it gets better."

Emily nodded, breathing deeply.

"You know I'm here if you need me," Morgan said. It was a statement, not a question.

"I know. Thanks."

When Emily came home that night, physically and emotionally exhausted, you were in bed reading, scared to go to sleep, as you always were these days.

Emily climbed into bed, kicking her shoes off behind her, and plastering her body to yours, holding you protectively, tightly, as if she'd never let you go.

"Did they find the girl?" you asked. "Was she okay?"

"She will be," Emily whispered.

"Are you okay?"

"I will be," Emily said, resting her head on yours. "Just... let me hold you. Please. Let me keep you safe."

You leaned in and let her, and you'd never felt safer in your life.

[eoieopda]

one to ten | jww

summary: your roommate may not know how to help you feel better, but that won’t stop him from trying. pairing: jeon wonwoo x reader au: roommates to ?, pining, sick fic type: drabble (hurt/comfort, fluff) rating: pg13 — still, minors do not have my consent to interact with my content. cw: gn!spoonie!reader; downbad!best boi!super shy!roommate!wonu; chronic illness/pain is implied but no diagnosis is specified; hand-holding 👁️👄👁️; barely proofread because brain fog, lol. a/n: this is super self-indulgent and based on my own personal experience with chronic illness (fibromyalgia), so it may be different than yours!! wc: 1k

Wonwoo isn’t psychic, but he knows that something is up the second he gets home from work.

Walking through the door of your shared apartment, he moves immediately to deposit his keys on the nearby hook and finds that yours are already there. Odd, he thinks, given your habit of imposing your own overtime. Your commute is shorter than his, and you still never beat him back here.

He looks down as he toes off his shoes, carefully maneuvering them across the mat to avoid both your heels and your sneakers, which don’t seem to have budged since this morning. Wonwoo frowns. It’s rare for you to skip out on the gym at the end of the day, but it’s unheard of for you to miss work — even when you should, in his non-expert opinion.

That’s a bit of a red flag, he’ll admit.

Wonwoo locks the door behind him, pads off across the kitchen and through the adjoining living room, and eventually stops at your bedroom door. It’s cracked open — a secret code of yours, he’s learned. One that means you don’t want to be alone, but you feel the need to warn him about what’s on the other side. Usually, it’s you, deflated in your bed in a way that you find embarrassing. Still, even on your worst days, he’s never seen you look bad. 

He’s not convinced that you could if you tried.

Softly, Wonwoo raps his knuckles against the doorframe to warn you. In response, he gets a muffled, “Hello?” It wraps around his heart and squeezes just a little. He loves that about you; how gentle your voice is when everything else you’re experiencing feels the opposite.

You lift your head up just enough to make eye contact with him as he slips through the doorway, and you smile. If it aches to do so, you pretend like it doesn’t.

He clears his throat awkwardly. “Hey.”

Admittedly, this is the part that Wonwoo feels he’s worst at. He’s never quite sure what to ask or what he can do to help, always simultaneously afraid of being patronizing or too hands-off. It’s a balancing act; his equilibrium is off.

And, god, he’s so shy when it comes to you. He can’t make himself act on any of the comforting impulses he absolutely has, so he simply pauses at the end of your bed and sweeps his eyes over your frame. A triage of sorts, he supposes.

You’re on your right side, hugging a hot water bottle, and there’s a Munchlax plush between your knees to keep them separated. Your left hip hurts, he guesses. It’s probably safe to assume that the rest of you does, too. Crinkling his nose as he thinks, he asks, “One to ten?”

Another code. 

Wonwoo has to adjust the scale when you answer — three — because your three is his eleven. The good news isn’t lost on him, though: Your pain was a six during the last flare. Things may not be great, but they’ve definitely been worse.

“Mostly just tired,” you sigh, as if you can hear the calculations he’s running in his head. “I was this close —” You lift an arm and pull your thumb and index finger in so that they’re almost touching. “— to making it out the door this morning.” 

Dropping your arm again slowly, you pat the space next to you in silent invitation. Wonwoo’s body hesitates, even though his pulse doesn’t. It’s par for the course, unfortunately for him.

He wonders how many moments like this need to pass before his palms don’t sweat anymore. Will filling the spot next to you on your bed, on the couch, or even in your passenger seat ever not affect him like this?

Maybe not.

He’s okay with that, so long as you keep giving him the opportunity.

You laugh, and it single-handedly diffuses the tension in his posture. “I think the side of the bathtub got taller. I almost had to yell for you to haul me out of there, but I managed.”

“Proud of you.” He’s chuckling now, too, but that doesn’t undermine how much he means it. Getting your body to cooperate with you is always hardest in the mornings.

For what it’s worth, he would’ve come running if you’d called.

Carefully, Wonwoo sits down on the vacant side of your bed and scoots closer to you, knowing you’ll call him out for leaving distance and anticipating how badly he'll blush if you do. It’s so much easier for you to be close to people than it is for him, but he’s trying. 

He hopes you see that.

There’s a microscopic wince when you wiggle your way towards him. It’s replaced quickly by a satisfied little grin once you settle, your body curving around his bent knee like a puzzle piece slotting into place.

“You always run warm,” you muse. “I’m jealous.”

Wonwoo blinks, a little dumbfounded that you’ve noticed — not that he should be, really. He’s obviously picked up on a lot of trivia about you since you took over his former roommate’s lease several months back. If he knows the order of your skin care routine, it’s not weird for you to know that he can’t sleep without a fan on.

Should he have noticed this about you by now?

Curiosity makes him bold, apparently. He pulls his palm off the mattress and touches his fingertips to the back of your hand. “Goddamn,” he whistles. 

His hypothesis is proven the second he touches you — you’re freezing — but Wonwoo admittedly gets a kick out of the temperature disparity. He can’t help but run the pads of his fingers absentmindedly over your skin, tracing nonsense patterns. You can’t help the pleased hum that slips out of you as you watch his ministrations; or the way your heavy eyelids start to interrupt your view. 

Even when he’s sure you’ve been lulled to sleep, Wonwoo keeps doodling. It’s got to be exhausting to exist in a body that always aches, and you deserve whatever rest you can get. Truth be told, he could probably stay like this for hours if that would help. He’d be doing the same thing at his PC, anyways, holding a mouse instead of your hand.

Yeah, he thinks, this is a much better set-up.

[regressionschool]

Baby Shower

 The room was filled with pastel balloons, streamers, and a giant banner that read, "Welcome Little Johanna!" Friends and family gathered, their faces lit with amused smiles and soft chuckles.

Johanna stood in the center of the room, her cheeks flushed pink, dressed in nothing but a bib and a very thick diaper. The diaper crinkled loudly with her every move, and the bib around her neck had a cute, babyish pattern. She could feel everyone’s eyes on her, each glance filled with a mix of humor and affection.

Michael walked over to her, a proud smile on his face. “Everyone, thank you for coming to celebrate this special day,” he said. “Today, Johanna is officially my little girl.” He held up a document, the adoption papers that legally made Johanna his little one. The room erupted in applause and cheerful congratulations.

Johanna’s friends giggled and cooed at her. "Oh, Johanna, you look adorable!" said Emily, her best friend, as she gave her a gentle hug. "That dress really suits you."

Johanna's mother approached, her eyes sparkling with amusement. "I never thought I'd see the day my daughter would be back in diapers," she teased. "But look at you now, such a precious baby!"

Johanna felt her face heat up even more. She shifted from foot to foot, causing her diaper to crinkle loudly. The sound was unmistakable, drawing more smiles and chuckles from the guests.

"How does it feel, sweetie?" asked Aunt Carol, patting Johanna's bottom. "Being taken care of like this must be quite the change."

Before Johanna could answer, a faint hissing sound could be heard. She froze, feeling the warmth spread through her diaper. Her eyes widened in surprise and embarrassment.

Mark, always attentive, noticed immediately. "Looks like our little one needs a change," he announced with a playful grin. The guests laughed and clapped, making Johanna's blush deepen.

"Don't worry, baby," said Emily, handing Mark a fresh diaper from the gift table. "We've got you covered."

Mark gently took Johanna's hand and led her to a changing mat set up in the corner. The guests continued to chat and laugh, their positive energy filling the room. As Mark changed her diaper, Johanna couldn't help but feel a strange mix of humiliation and comfort. She was surrounded by people who loved and accepted her, no matter how different things had become.

Once she was all cleaned up and in a fresh diaper, Mark helped her back to her feet. "There you go, all better," he said, giving her a kiss on the forehead.

Johanna's sister, Lisa, sauntered over, a mischievous grin playing on her lips. "Wow, Johanna, back in diapers already? Guess potty training didn’t stick the first time around," she teased, her eyes twinkling with playful mockery.

Johanna's blush deepened, her cheeks now a vivid shade of red. She tried to laugh it off, but the embarrassment was evident. Before she could muster a retort, Lisa’s boyfriend, Tom, appeared behind her. With a swift and unexpected motion, he tugged down Lisa’s pants, revealing a clearly soggy pull-up.

"Looks like someone else is having trouble with potty training too," Tom announced, his voice filled with playful mockery. "Maybe it's time we put Lisa back in diapers as well." The room erupted in laughter, the tables turned in an instant.

Johanna couldn’t help but giggle, a sense of vindication washing over her. Lisa, however, looked mortified. Her face flushed as she pulled up her pants quickly, glaring at Tom. "Tom, that’s not funny!" she exclaimed, but her protests were drowned out by the guests' laughter.

Mark, always quick with a joke, chimed in. "Well, if Johanna’s going to be our little baby, we might as well make it a family affair. The changing mat’s right here, Lisa. No time like the present!"

Lisa’s eyes widened in horror, and she took a step back. "No way!" she protested, but her voice was lost in the sea of laughter and good-natured teasing.

Emily, ever the supportive friend, stepped up beside Johanna, squeezing her hand. "Don’t worry, Johanna," she whispered. "Looks like you’re not the only one needing a little extra help."

Johanna felt a wave of relief wash over her. The attention was off her, at least for a moment, and she couldn’t help but laugh along with everyone else. Even her mother, who had been so amused at seeing her daughter in diapers, couldn’t resist a chuckle at the turn of events.

Lisa, trying to regain her composure, finally managed a weak smile. "Alright, alright, you got me," she said, her voice tinged with resignation. "But I’m not ready for diapers just yet."

Tom wrapped his arm around Lisa, giving her a playful squeeze. "We'll see about that," he teased, earning another round of laughter from the room.

As the party continued, Johanna found herself feeling a strange sense of comfort amidst the teasing and laughter. She was surrounded by people who loved her, quirks and all. And as she glanced over at Lisa, who was still trying to laugh off her own embarrassment, Johanna realized she wasn’t alone in this journey.

[katiapostsss]

DRABBLE:

flowers ( sam monroe )

enjoy! (i hate this)

〰️

love with sam monroe would be messy.

he wouldn't know immediately how to do it, as he grew up without much of it in actuality, but for you, he'd try.

he wouldn't know your favorite flower, but he'd study the way you'd study each and every carnation you passed, especially ones of pink and crimson shades. he wouldn't know what kind of candy you favored, but he'd note the way you'd eye every snickers bar in the sweets section of your favorite store. he wouldn't know if you liked receiving letters or not, but he'd acknowledge the way you'd always write them to friends and family for any special occasion.

no, he wouldn't be the best boyfriend. no, he wouldn't be good at love, but, at the same time, he's observant. heedful, as all the quiet ones are. he knows you just because he is, actually, just because he watches so carefully, he can read you like a book. what you want, when you want it, how you want it, why.

so a hard week you explained exasperatedly, in detail, to him late in the night, only half-drunk but fully out of it, was what led to this.

you had already had a bad day at school today, and not being able to find the spare key your parents always left aside for you, underneath the welcome mat, was not helping your case. grunting under the heavy weight of your backpack, you searched everywhere for it, the gutter, the watering pot... and after lifting the mat from the ground altogether, you finally found it, moved slightly from the spot you had left it in, which you'd worry more about if you weren't so damn tired.

swiping it up and pushing it into the lock, you threw open the door and kicked off your shoes, slinging your bag to the floor and nearly collapsing with it. forcing your feet up the steps, you pressed your palms to your eyes and rubbed there, as if to rub your exhaustion away, which was really no use. the good thing was, your parents were out of town for vacation so you had the entire house to yourself.

maybe i'll visit sam later. he was only a three minute drive away after all. then again, you were so tired. you wanted sleep. but you also wanted sam. at least, you wanted him to be with you. plopping on your empty bed, you withdrew your phone from your pocket and opened your messages, swiping to his contact.

come over please?

a moment later—

i've had a bad day

you knew he was coming without having to check his response, and when there was fumbling downstairs, 20 minutes later, you knew he was letting himself in with the spare key. you dragged yourself from half-slumber, rubbing the dregs of rest from your eyes and forcing yourself into a sit.

he was taking off his shoes when you began walking down the steps, and as the stairs were just by the entrance, you could already see his down-turned face. and the flowers in his hand.

"sam?" you spoke curiously as you walked off the last step, hands on the railing and opposite wall and eyes flicking from the bouquet to his face. he was just now turning to you, his relaxed stance shifting until he was slightly tense. you stopped before him, confused.

"are you alright?" he asked, his shoulders slightly bunching. the hand that held the flowers dropped an inch or two.

instead of answering his question, you reached out and lightly touched one of the many, pink petals, admiring the carnations. "sam, are these.. for..?"

"you said you had a bad day," he answered quickly, shrugging and retreating his hand slightly. "i just figured.. do you not..? like them..?" as soon as the words were spoken, your exhaustion dissipated. a smile spread across your face, and an overwhelming amount of happiness took the place of confusion. you looked up at him, searching his eyes. for what? you didn't know. they caught on yours. brimming with joy, you threw your arms around him, squishing the flowers between you and burying your face in his neck.

"of course i like them!"

it took him a moment, but soon, he relaxed and rubbed down your back. "are you alright?" he repeated.

but you were just so.. he hadn't done anything like this before, and you hadn't been dating for long. was this considered progress? pulling back, you took the flowers, grinning giddily down at them. "i'm— this is— thank you, yes, i'm okay. thank you, sam. oh my— how did you know—? these are my favorite! they're so pretty!" you rambled, squeezing them to your chest. when you looked up at him, you found his eyes, usually cold and blue, softened, slight red on his cheeks.

"guessed," he stated simply, even though he knew that was a lie. perhaps it was because he was much too prideful to admit he loved you to that measure, but that was probably not the case. maybe because he just wanted to enjoy the moment. maybe because he was too scared himself to come to that conclusion, that he watched you so carefully, because he loved you so deeply. either way, sam monroe wasn't the best boyfriend, but he knew you. and he used that to his advantage, always.

.

hey guys! this sucks but i barely have anything written for sam and last time i posted was a while ago so this is filler, love you ❤️

[corroded-hellfire]

Sniffles and Snuggles - Eddie Munson x Reader

An As You Wish story

Collaboration with my dear @munson-blurbs 💕

Older!eddie edit by the lovely @eddiemunsons-missingnipple

Summary: When your baby girl wakes up sick, her daddy is there to take care of her

Note: The thought of Eliza being all clingy to Eddie because she doesn’t feel well and just wants her daddy inspired this so I hope you enjoy the thoughts that just pop into my head

Words: 4k

[As You Wish Masterlist]

A familiar cry wakes you from your slumber. It’s muffled—coming from down the hall. Your eyes open in the darkness of your bedroom. Glancing over at the window you see the slightest gray creeping into the blackness of night. Morning must be rolling around you surmise as you stretch your arms out above your head. The cry sounds again and you stare up at your ceiling while you wait to see if it’s going to continue or not. There have been times where Eliza has woken up, cried out a few times simply because she wanted attention, then let it go. 

Eddie’s fast asleep next to you, turned your way, giving you a clear view of the drool dribbling out of the corner of his mouth. A soft chuckle falls out of you as you trail your gaze down to see your husband’s bare chest slowly moving up and down with his steady breaths. Another cry from your daughter breaks your focus on your sexy man though, and you push yourself out of bed to go see what’s bothering her. 

The closer you get to Eliza’s room, you can hear the different noises she’s making. These aren’t just the typical cries she sometimes has in the middle of the night. There’s whining and a whimpering that’s breaking your heart. 

“Hey, what’s going on in here?” 

As soon as you see your one-year-old you know something is up. Her cheeks are flushed and her brown curls are matted to her forehead in sweat. She’s holding onto the bars of her crib like she’s an inmate begging to be freed from their jail cell. The moment her eyes land on you, the whining picks up and she’s scrambling for your attention. 

“What’s wrong, Sweet Pea?” you ask.

Not even making an attempt at the few words she knows how to say, Eliza simply raises her arms for you to pick her up. The heat radiating off of her little body in its pink onesie is evident the moment your hands are on her. Frowning, you hold her against your chest and gently press your lips to her forehead. 

“Oh, you’re burning up, baby. Is someone not feeling well?” Eliza buries her head in your neck, and you have your answer. “Come on, you. Let’s take some medicine that’ll help you feel better.”

Intermittent sniffles come from the baby as you walk with her into the kitchen. The medicines are kept on a high shelf and there’s no way you’ll be able to rummage for what you’re looking for with your daughter in your arms. Luckily, her Disney Princess highchair is only a few feet away and you move to set her down in it. This elicits an immediate negative reaction from Eliza. 

“It’s just for a second, sweetheart. Give Mommy one moment to find your medicine.” She clings to you as you try to place her in the chair, but a couple of kisses to the head and whispered assurances that you’re not going anywhere have her finally releasing her vice grip on you. As you watch her slump to the side in her seat, eyes glazed over and staring somewhere in the distance, you think her lack of strength or energy also contributed to her finally letting you go. 

The children’s Tylenol is easily findable, and you pour some of the thick berry flavored syrup into a small dosage cup. Eliza eyes it warily, as if already knowing that she’s not going to like it. She wrinkles her nose up as the blue medicine comes closer to her and her whines start up again. 

“This is going to help you feel better, my love. I promise.” You can’t blame Eliza for her cranky attitude, but you just wish she’d believe you and take the medicine without issue. But since when do children behave that way? Especially the children of Eddie Munson. 

“Come on,” you say as you set the little cup on the tray of her highchair. “It’ll be over really quick. You might even like how it tastes.” 

After a few more whiny protests and some cranky writhing in her seat, Eliza stares down at the liquid that might give her some relief. You’re pretty sure you can see the resignation in her brown eyes as gazes at the medicine.

“Here we go.” You lift the small cup up to her lips—which she begrudgingly opens—and tilt it up so the Tylenol pours into her mouth. The moment it’s all swallowed and Eliza closes her mouth, her face scrunches up in revulsion and she shakes her head. It doesn’t seem right to laugh when your daughter is feeling so lousy, but you can’t help but let out a chuckle at her visceral reaction to the taste. “Why don’t we watch a movie, huh? One of your favorites.”

Eliza’s body heat takes you by surprise again as you lift her from her chair. Her head lolls onto your shoulder as you walk into the living room and snatch up the movie on the top of the pile. The Little Mermaid disc isn’t in the case, and it doesn’t shock you at all. It’s probably already in the player, all ready to go. 

You scoop up the remote on the way to the couch and click on the television. Eliza’s curls tickle your chin as you hit the buttons that will lead you to the DVD screen. As suspected, The Little Mermaid is in there and ready to be watched for the thousandth time. 

“Here we go,” you say, snuggling into the couch with her. “Let’s watch Ariel, yeah?” You’re hoping that the medicine will allow her to get some more sleep. The way she holds herself to your body lets you know she wants to be cuddled. Adjusting yourself so that it’s comfortable for the both of you, you lean back and kick your feet up on the coffee table, allowing Eliza to use your torso as her bed. Her big eyes turn towards the television at the familiar sounds of her favorite movie. One of your hands goes to her tiny back, rubbing reassuring and calming circles, while the other gently strokes her soft downy hair. 

You’re fighting sleep when you hear the heavy-footed sound of Eddie padding out to the living room. His hair is a mess, curls askew, and he scratches at his stubble as he yawns. 

“What’re my sweet girls doing up at this hour?” he asks softly, re-tying the strings of his plaid pajama pants. 

You return his yawn with a weary smile. “Someone is sick and spiked a fever, so I’m just laying with her until the Tylenol kicks in,” you explain, kissing your baby’s sweaty curls. 

Eddie looks at you, kindness and empathy still radiating from his tired eyes. “Babe, you look exhausted.” He leans down to try and take Eliza from your embrace, frowning when you pull back. “Let me help.”

“S’okay, Eds. I got it.” 

“But you need to sleep so you can go to work tomorrow,” he protests. 

Noting that you’re distracted by the conversation at hand, Eliza takes advantage and wriggles from your grasp. She plops her head down on a nearby pillow and almost immediately falls asleep, congested snores emanating from her tiny nostrils. 

You furrow your brow, lowering your voice so you don’t disturb your daughter’s slumber. “No, I’m staying home with her. You go into work.”

“I have more vacation days saved up,” he points out, holding out his arms. “Hand me the child and go back to bed.”

You give in, too tired to argue further, kissing him and Eliza before trudging back to bed. You look over your shoulder before you head down the hall, back to your bedroom. Eddie has made himself comfortable on one side of the couch, placing a throw pillow on his lap. He carefully maneuvers Eliza so she can curl up in the same position, rubbing gentle circles on her back to try and break up some of the congestion. It’s not his first rodeo with a sick kid, and based on his older children’s experiences, it won’t be his last. 

When your alarm goes off an hour later, you feel anything but rested. Your muscles ache as your body all but begs for more sleep, but you try to shove away the discomfort with a warm shower. It helps somewhat, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t almost fall asleep standing up. 

The family room is quiet; the only sound is the soft hum of the DVD player whirring, the movie long over. Eddie is sprawled out on the couch, his long limbs flung in every direction over the furniture like an overgrown starfish. Eliza, always one to copy her daddy, is spread out on top of his chest.  They’re both snoring, though you truly can’t be sure which one of them is louder. 

Trying to make the least amount of noise possible, you head into the kitchen and prepare breakfast for yourself and the boys. You know the drill by now: cereal for Ryan, Eggos for Luke. This particular morning though, you don’t think you’ll be able to ingest anything other than a large cup of coffee. 

The ringing of two alarm clocks faintly reaches you in the kitchen. Knowing it takes both of them a minute—or a few in Luke’s case—to get out of bed, you know you have time to finish prepping the food before you head down the hall to intercept them. You have to inform them that on this side of the house there are two sleeping beauties currently sawing wood. 

“Hey,” you say in a hushed tone as you meet up with the boys in front of their rooms. “Daddy and Eliza are sleeping on the couch. You have to be quiet, okay?”

“Good morning to you, too,” Ryan grumbles, rubbing his left eye with the heel of his hand. Sometimes his preteen moments popped up when you were least able to handle them. 

“Why are they on the couch?” Luke asks, voice lower for him, but still a bit loud. 

“Eliza isn’t feeling well, and they must’ve fallen asleep waiting for her medicine to kick in,” you explain. 

“Is she okay?” Ryan asks.

“She’s fine, sweetie. Just some sniffles,” you tell him. “Now come on, your breakfasts are ready.”

Most of breakfast manages to go smoothly and quietly, until Luke drops his fork on the ground, and it lands on the linoleum with a definitive clang. Your second oldest winces as he turns to you. “Sorry,” he silently mouths. Honestly, you had expected him to make a bigger noise than that at some point, so this is nothing. 

Once they finish their breakfast, you usher the boys down the hall and tell them to get ready for school. You finish getting ready for work as well. It’s hard to focus on doing your hair or finding a pair of shoes when you know your baby girl is sick in the other room. But you know she’ll be fine; she’s with Eddie. Super Dad. Being a mom came with a boatload of anxieties, but Eddie always managed to make everything better and less stressful. You joke to him all the time that some magic must’ve rubbed off on him after all the times he’s played D&D throughout his life. 

You finish getting ready the same time the boys do, and you see them slipping on their backpacks in the family room. They make no noise, yet their presence in the room must have been enough because both Eddie and Eliza stir from their nap. 

“How are you feeling, Eliza?” Ryan asks, tone still soft and low. 

His baby sister’s only response is to heave an overdramatic sigh, very reminiscent of her father. 

“Feel better!” Luke chirps with far too much enthusiasm. 

With an irritated whine, Eliza puts her hands over her tiny ears at her brother’s loud volume. She buries her face in Eddie’s chest, signaling that the conversation with her siblings is over. Eddie uses one hand to caress his daughter's brown locks, hoping it will calm and relax her, and waves to his sons with the other. 

“Have a good day at school, guys,” he tells them. The two of them wave back and say their goodbyes before they head out the front door to get to their bus stop down on the corner of the street. 

It’s your turn to leave now and you really don’t want to. This is the hardest you’ve ever had to push yourself to get out of the house and go to work. A restless night’s sleep or a massive headache making you not want to go in is nothing compared to knowing your child is home sick. 

Once you have everything ready to go, you walk over and lean down to press a kiss to Eddie’s forehead.

“I gotta go now, baby. But I don’t wanna.” You give him the most adorable pout that has a smile lighting up his tired face. 

“I’ll hold down the fort,” he tells you. “Have a good day at work. Though it won’t be as amazing as Eliza-Daddy Day.”

“I’m very jealous that I don’t get to be a part of it.” You smile down at your daughter, who has fallen back asleep, and admire the adorable features that she’s inherited from the both of you. “I’ll see you guys later. I love you.”

“We love you too, baby. I love you more, though. But don’t tell Eliza I said that; she’s a very territorial little girl.” 

Chuckling, you lean down and press one more kiss to your husband’s lips. “Bye, baby.”

Eddie dozes on and off as he stays as still as possible on the couch so as not to wake the baby. It’s certainly not the most comfortable position, but he’ll be damned if his daughter is awake because of him. He keeps one hand on her back; she’s so little underneath it, and he’s suddenly overcome with a fierce urge to protect her. 

Eliza eventually wakes up around lunchtime, tears immediately springing to her eyes. Her face crumples when she tries to breathe in through her nose and realizes that she can’t. 

Eddie sits up a bit straighter, keeping his daughter close to his chest. “How ya feeling, baby girl?”

“Uck,” she grunts out, swiping messily at her runny nose. 

“Are you hungry?” Eddie asks before deciding for her. “You need to eat something.”

He picks her up and starts to set her in a flowery pink baby walker—surprisingly, Luke had been the one to pick it out at Babies R Us—but Eliza is in no mood to be put down. She lets out a whine that sounds more like a shriek. 

Eddie winces at the piercing noise, instinctively bringing her against his chest again. “Hey, hey, what is it?” he softly asks, but she just whimpers and hides her face in his neck. 

“Dada.”

“Sweet pea, I was just gonna go into the kitchen to get us some lunch,” he tries to explain, knowing full well that it’s next to useless. “You’ll be able to see me the whole time.”

Eliza shakes her head against his body and sniffles pathetically. “Nooooo. Dada!”

Eddie sighs, giving in to the prospect that the two of them will be attached at the hip all day. “Okay, Lize, you can come with me,” he acquiesces. “We can make a mess of the kitchen together.” He lowers his voice before adding, “just don’t tell Mommy.”

He makes two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with one hand, the other holding on to Eliza’s diapered butt while he works “And they said I had no talent. Ha.”

“Goo Dada.”

Eddie’s glad he understands her normal baby talk enough, because interpretation is even harder now that she’s congested. 

“I did good? Why, thank you.” He hands her a piece of sandwich and she immediately drops it on the ground. 

“Eliza!”

She crosses her tiny arms and twists her whole body back and forth in protest. “Ucky.”

“Lize, you love peanut butter—”

“UCKY!”

“Okay, no peanut butter for you today,” Eddie mutters, shoving half a sandwich in his mouth. “Let’s see what else we got.”

There isn’t a whole lot in the freezer, but Eddie spots a box of frozen Italian ice cups and pulls it out. He flips the lid open and purses his lips when he only sees a few yellow cups inside. 

“Guess your brothers ate all the cherry ones,” he grumbles as he rummages through the box, just to make sure he didn’t miss a red one. “Looks like we just have lemon left.” He makes an unamused face, but Eliza reaches out and grabs it anyway. “You want—y’know what? Sure.”

Eddie grabs a spoon from the utensil drawer and uses his foot to pull Eliza’s high chair over to the kitchen table—lest they be too far apart from each other and Eliza gets all fussy again. She willingly complies since she sees her Daddy will be sitting right in front of her. He pops open the lid of the frozen treat and sets it on the tray in front of her.

“All right, this is gonna be sour,” he warns, but she still eagerly accepts the bite. 

Her lips pucker immediately, her nose scrunching up like a bunny at the strange sensation on her tongue. 

Eddie lets out a laugh at the adorable and hilarious expression on her little face. “I told you! You want that sandwich now?”

Face still pinched up, Eliza vehemently shakes her head. 

“Mo!” Eliza stretches out her hand towards the cup.

“I’ll be damned,” Eddie muses, but he obliges. She makes the same expression with each bite, but she eats nearly half of the serving before declaring, “no mo!”

Eddie gets Eliza cleaned up, not worrying about the mess in the kitchen right now. He’ll take care of it later, as he’s sure the sick girl will take many naps today.  

He picks his daughter up out of her highchair and holds her on his hip. “Whatcha wanna do now?”

Eliza lets out a wet little baby cough and gives a shake of her head. 

“You don’t know?” Eddie asks. “Hmm. Ah, I’ve got it.”

He stands up, balancing Eliza on his side. She lays her head on his shoulder while he walks into her princess-themed room, using his elbow to flick on the overhead light. 

“Okay,” he says, kissing her temple, “let’s see what we’ve got.” He quickly scans the little bookshelf next to her bed to find her favorite story. With a triumphant grin, he plucks The Poky Little Puppy from its spot. 

He tucks himself into the rocking chair, settling in and shifting his daughter into his lap. Reaching behind him, he grabs the bright pink throw blanket and drapes it over her, digging his toes into the carpet to gently sway back and forth. 

Eliza is enraptured by her dad reading her favorite book to her, eyes wide as she clings to every syllable. She usually falls asleep to it, conditioned from countless nights where it’s been used as a bedtime story, but she’s still fresh from her nap. Besides, she’s having too much fun with this daddy-daughter bonding to be sleepy. 

She only gets fussy again once Eddie closes the book, her symptoms more prominent without the distraction of Eddie’s story-telling skills. 

“I think it’s time for another dose of medicine, baby girl,” Eddie whispers, trying to appear enthusiastic despite his own waning energy levels.

She downs the syrup easily, so out of sorts that she doesn’t even process its rancid taste until after it’s done. Eddie laughs at her contorted face, plopping down on the couch. “All right, my brave little girl,” he says as he grabs the remote, “what should we watch?”

The mere question brings a tiny spark to Eliza’s eyes, giving her just enough energy to bounce in her dad’s lap and point at the TV. “Mermah!”

“The Little Mermaid again?”

Eliza nods and Eddie internally groans. It’s a cute movie, but he’s pretty sure he could recite it line for line at this point. 

“Okay, let’s go under the sea,” he says as he starts the movie from the beginning, settling in to listen to Sebastian belt out “Under the Sea” for the umpteenth time. 

Still curled up into his chest, no indication of moving anytime soon, Eliza wipes her runny nose on her dad’s t-shirt. She doesn’t take her eyes off of the screen as she rubs her nose against the soft cotton with a sniffle. 

“Thanks, kid.”

“Welcuh.”

Eliza settles her head on the middle of her father’s chest and watches the different colored fish and sea life all gather together at the concert for King Triton. Eddie doesn’t really pay attention, mostly just focusing on how the little girl’s breathing is sounding and trying to keep her body supported up against his. 

But Eddie’s ears perk up when a familiar little voice joins in with the singing on screen. Ariel is singing “Part of Your World” and there’s a small, congested mumble singing alongside her. Eddie grins to himself as he listens to his daughter’s rendition. 

“Schingamabobs? Gots twenny. Bu’ who cawes? No bih deal. I wan’ mooooooo.”

All the times Eddie insisted on singing to Eliza while she was in your womb have seemed to pay off. She’s a little musical prodigy after his own heart. 

“You wanna be a mermaid, Lize?” Eddie asks her softly. She nods in response, never taking her eyes off of the television screen. 

Eddie half-heartedly watches the movie with her from that point forward. When it comes to the scene of Ariel using a fork as a comb for her hair at the dinner table, Eliza reaches up and begins to play with her own hair. Silky brown curls slip through her little fingers as she absentmindedly strokes her locks. Eddie would love to know what’s going on inside her head right now. Is she thinking of trying to use a fork as a comb? When Eliza brings a few pieces of her hair in front of her face to study, Eddie has another thought. He wonders if she wants to have the same red hair as her favorite Disney princess. To show her that he loves her hair just the way it is, Eddie presses a few soft kisses to the top of her head. 

As the movie progresses, Eliza becomes stiller on Eddie’s chest, and she’s not made a peep in a while. Her father watches her tiny back move up and down and sees it’s going in a slow, steady rhythm. As if to further prove his suspicion that she’s asleep, the sounds of her stuffy snores reach Eddie’s ears, making him smile. 

Eliza stirs a bit, wiggling around in an attempt to get comfortable in a new position. Eddie gently wraps his arm around her to rub her little back in calming circles. Within seconds, she’s out like a light again. 

“Daddy’s always gonna be here for you, Liza Bean,” he murmurs against her scalp, sweaty from fever. He takes a deep breath and settles in. 

Neither he nor Eliza wake when you return home, both of them sound asleep on the couch. The kitchen is a mess; there’s a random piece of sandwich on the floor and a melted lemon Italian ice on the table, but clean-up can wait for a moment. 

You watch the two of them breathe in tandem, heart soaring at the way your daughter curls up into her dad with all the love and trust in the world. 

Fatherhood looks perfect on him, you think, but wrinkle your nose upon further inspection, but the booger stains on his shirt definitely do not.