#...if you think my identity is 'invalid' or 'valid' is of no consequence to me. you don't hold the power to make me change...

[thehighpriestexx420]

For Trans Awareness Week: My experience/timeline of my gender & sexuality

(from straight cis girl, bisexual cis girl, pansexual trans man, to pansexual nonbinary transmasculine)

In middle school, when I was 11/12. I realized I was bisexual during this time and still thought I was a cis girl. Who just happened to be ok with the thought of getting a sex change if their crush turned out to be gay 🤷‍♂️

I realized I was bisexual (I had romantic experiences with girls before) when I thought a girl's eyes were pretty & developed somewhat of a crush. I printed out the bisexual flag and accidentally left a copy. My mom found it & questioned me. I casually told her that I was bisexual and was confused by her resistance and doubt to the idea. What was wrong with liking girls? I didn't see anything wrong with it.

She laid out alot of the cliches. "How do you know you like girls, are you sure?" ("I know I like them just like how I know I like guys", I told her 🙄) "It was just that Tila Tequila show that made you think that." "You're too young to know that."

When I was 14, I realized I was a trans guy! I came to the conclusion that girls didn't "want to be guys". Wanting to be a "guy" in my eyes meant being recognized by society as one, my interpersonal dynamics regarding me as one, & physically wanting a typical amab body (flat chest, deep voice, penis, etc.) I was in my early 20s in this picture.

I still liked feminine fashion and makeup. I figured I was like Jeffree Star in that aspect. But at that time I couldn't wear clothes that weren't masculine because I'd get mistaken for being a girl. Society and those around me trying to box me into this limiting expression and characterization of myself felt alienating, isolating, & lonely.

My dysphoria mostly came from other's perceptions of me - rather than what I would've thought about myself if society didn't put a gender label on every fucking thing. I would've still longed for the body parts I wanted but I don't think the depression and discomfort would've been half as bad.

Consequently, my body made me uncomfortable. I had the parts that people told me I had because I was a woman. There was a direct association.

The term "pansexual" started becoming more well-known and I vibed with the interpretation of "you're attracted to people regardless of gender/your attraction to people doesn't feel different based on gender" so I slapped that label on to me.

This is me at 28, just last year! I started giving fuck all (similar to the expression of my middle finger) to others' perceptions of me. If I like holographic clothes and fishnets with rhinestones, and you don't like that, well then I'm sorry I have better fashion sense than you 🤷‍♂️💅

I took testosterone for about 5 years at this point so the contrast of masculine & feminine features were like a bow on top of the gift that is me 😎

At this point, instead of just wanting the bumps in my tshirts to be gone regardless of any asthetic consequences (nipples not looking good due to the particular surgeon, etc.), I'd actually want to switch between having a flat chest and having boobies whenever I wanted to. Boobies are fun on me & others, what can I say.

& here's one of my most recent selfies! A couple years ago I came to the conclusion that above all else, I just feel like a person. If I had a gender I'd be a guy so I do still somewhat vibe with the sentiment. But I'm so much more than that. The label that currently fits me best is "gender non-conforming/ non-binary transmasculine". Regardless of whatever label someone may use, I welcome their attraction to me & validate it. If you're a lesbian and you happen to like my features while acknowledging that I'm not a woman & treating me as such, then your feelings are valid & don't invalidate my own identity.

My journey hasn't been easy for several reasons - not just due to my sexuality and gender. My mother & step dad didn't believe me when I came out as trans. Before I came out, and wanted to do things like get a shorter haircut, my mom would say things like "I won't have a dyke for a daughter." And then proceed to say "you know I didn't mean it like that."

One of the more overt instances of transphobia was when her bf randomly shouted "you're a girl!" to me.

A more covert form was when my mom & grandma would "compromise" on my name change. My birth name started with a "K" so I changed it to a more masc version also starting with a "K". They weren't used to my new name and my mom expressed feelings of resentment because she was the one who named me. So the "compromise" was just calling me "K"....a feminine ass sounding name. I asked them to stop and even stopped responding to the name. I eventually changed my name to "Colton" just so they didn't have an excuse to call me K anymore.

There were other instances of abuse and mental health emergencies that I won't go into detail about. I was recently asked what my proudest accomplishment was and I told them that it was not only making it this far but also being able to support myself. I've experienced homelessness so that adds on to what I've overcome.

But now, I'm at a place I couldn't fathom. Things aren't perfect but I have the tools, the want, the belief, and the will to make things better every day. I believe my life story is meant to serve as an example of hope. I've been destroyed & broke down to my atoms so I was forced to rebuild myself stronger and more in alignment with my true self. I have this wisdom to offer and I welcome requests for spiritual guidance.

The High Priestexx Tarot + Reiki Services is a buisness I've founded. It's success & ability to change people's lives for the better is also something I'm profoundly proud of. When you follow my blog & reblog my pinned post, you get a free one question tarot reading & free reiki healing session!

One way of celebrating Trans Awareness Week is by celebrating yourself with this free service & by celebrating me & my journey by increasing my visibility!

So that was my specific experience with my gender & sexuality! I hope that can broaden your mind as to what individual experiences can look like & help you feel less alone. Sending everyone much peace, love, & support! ✌️💖

[transfemlogan]

HEY uhh sorry if this is too personal but how did u realize you were aplatonic

I just woke up rn but i found the term randomly on tumblr & immediately was like "OHHH".

This post got very long. All information undercut

It's hard for me to elaborate on my queer identity, especially in relation to my aspec part, because of how people describe attraction. For example, a lot of sexual attraction is described as wanting to do certain actions. The issue is I am sex repulsed & nonamorous, regardless of if I do or don't experience sexual attraction. So trying to figure out whether or not I was asexual was a struggle, because I couldn't use things like "if I see someone, do I want to have sex with them?"

So in regards to platonic attraction, & how people only use actions to describe it, it was also really hard to figure out if I was aplatonic. I don't like basing my attraction around my actions.

"You'll know you are romantically attracted to someone, because you want to kiss them or go on a date with them" "you'll know you are sexually attracted to someone, because you want to have sex with them" etc

That doesn't work for me as a nonamorous sex & romance repulsed man. I also am autistic & have different boundaries than most. Even if I wasn't nonamorous, I can't base my romantic attraction around kissing someone, because I'm touch repulsed.

And THEN when people did describe how it was like to experience romantic or sexual attraction, like "your heart beats faster" or "your face gets red" that ALSO didn't work for me! I am autistic! I have alexithymia & quite literally could not identify those physical and emotional reactions.

So trying to figure things out was a little harder for me than most, because I couldn't ask my friends or look it up on google. I don't experience things ""regularly"".

I am aroflux, aplflux, & recently realised I do experience sexual attraction, but rarely & it's not a strong feeling. I know what these feelings now feel like, but I could not explain to you what they feel like.

SO. Before you even ask yourself if you are aplatonic, first ask: why does it matter?

Why does your platonic attraction need to be described? How is this important?

Is it because you feel the need to immediately know every part of your identity? Is it because you feel like you need labels? Do you center your validity around labels? Do you think it will help you understand your boundaries better? Will it provide happiness knowing you have a community? Etc, etc, etc.

And, secondly: what happens if you are not?

If you think you are aplatonic right now, but later find out that you aren't, what happens then? Will that make how you are currently feeling invalid? Do you think you need to immediately be right with your labels? Are there any negative consequences to using a label and realising you're not it?

(The answer to that is: No. There isn't!)

Here are a few Tumblr posts that I think are very helpful in determining whether or not you are aplatonic.

Aplatonic Masterlist by @/aromagni

You May Be Aplatonic If... By @/aplatonicgryphon

This ask answered by @/askanaroace

[marvellovelacevt]

:D

YAY!!!! I'm glad I didn't cross any boundaries/hurt you/talk over you in anyway, first off. I often get worried when I bring up how I may relate to something, or how I understand someone, can be interpreted as making it about myself or speaking over the original speaker. That's anxiety and autism for ya! Haha. ; u ;

THANK YOU for all the insightful discussion! I learned so much. It's intriguing how the queer community has gotten more narrow over time, especially in light of the separatist movement and TERFs (though it unfortunately makes sense). I agree that perhaps going back into the era of fewer labels, of more fluidity and overlap of identities and definitions would actually be more affirming for a lot of people!

"it's really interesting that it feels strict to you and makes me wonder how you personally define it!" [in reference to pansexuality]

Truly, I don't know if I have a personal definition! The general definition as you demonstrated works "well enough" to get the idea across to someone who's wondering, but somehow, for myself, it's like I need a definition that's a step beyond that. I guess like you, it's like "yeah that works, but it doesn't feel quite right either"! It's kind of funny, because I didn't really realize I truly felt that way until you began discussing it!! XD That's why these discussions are important~ (Which you point out!)

"people want strict and clearly defined definitions of labels for experiences that are wholly unique from individual to individual. while yes, having a definition can be helpful, i often feel that we use these definitions as a crutch and end up narrowing the scope of a label in ways that really harm the community.

for example, the obvious and most widespread consequence of this is transmedicalism; the belief that you have to have dysphoria to be transgender and that you have to transition into a binary gender for your gender to be valid. that you have to pass as a binary gender and perform as that gender in order to make the overall trans community look good to outsiders."

Hard, hard agree here. Like, I agree with this so hard that I feel like there needs to be a global campaign about this. Too many people probably hide and feel invalidated about their experiences because of this very notion of being "truly trans/trans enough" and I feel so, so bad because I imagine there are millions of people who feel this way, that they're trans but won't ever feel like they can come out because of the "requirement" to pass as a binary gender, transition, etc.

"transphobic cis people will not take any of us seriously, and the binary, fully transitioned transgender person is pretty much the same as the blue-haired cat/catself nonbinary person as far as they're concerned. we're all delusional in their eyes."

THIS^^^^ This hits so HARD and it's basically the reason why transphobic people will lump transwomen, drag queens, people at Pride events, etc. all under the same reaction: "you're delusional and I don't like you". You're totally right that it doesn't even *matter* if you pass the "trans litmus test" of passing properly as one gender or not—transphobes will *still* come after you. Bluh.

"but regardless, i think discussing the impact and consequences of labels and the commodification of LGBTQIA+ community is a really valuable discussion and i really thank you for giving me the opportunity to elaborate on my experiences and have these sorts of discussions!! it really makes me happy to discuss this with other people. i often feel like i can't talk about the thoughts i have on this and other topics because of the risk of annoying people or people going "it's not that deep, don't think about it so hard." because that sort of lack in critical thinking and intellectualism is killing the ability to have constructive discussions!! we should allow ourselves to be unlabeled, for our identities to be messy, for them to not fit neatly in a convenient word, because convenience where there should be nuance leads to confusion and discontent. it's what makes people go "but none of these labels fit me. what if there isn't a word for how i feel?""

What can I say, you say such great stuff!!!!! I LOVE these discussions, and I'm so glad you shared your experiences and thoughts!!! We *need* discussions like these to surpass our own limitations either caused by society, the groups we associate with, or our own understandings. We can always go so much further than what we have today to make tomorrow even brighter and clearer!! You can always talk about what's on your mind, and I'll totally support it!! And I know other followers will, too :D.

Long text XD

totally understandable!! i'm the same way; the easiest way to relate to other people is through anecdotes but i also really feel guilty about it even though it's how my brain works! but yeah, no feelings hurt, and you can't have a dialogue if it's only one party participating! then it's just a monologue, and usually i do so much monologuing that it would put shakespearean actors to shame.

but yeah, i'm glad you found this to be enriching and even happier to hear that i helped you learn stuff!! i was really scared that no one would be interested in what i had to say at all but getting to have this discussion really made me more confident in speaking my mind. i feel a whole lot more motivated to do stuff now!! so once again, thank you for the opportunity to get this out into the ether. i'm definitely going to refine what i shared a bit more to put them into a more coherent form to use as a script or something similar somewhere down the line. maybe i'll write another introspective rant on another topic to share and discuss!

i think i'm discovering that discussions like this are where i feel like i'm in my element.

[sniffanimal]

Gender? I barely know- anyways talking gender stuff under that v

When it comes to gendered terms for myself I've gotten a lot less caring but in a way that almost wraps back around to caring. Like on one hand sure just use whatever neutral terms/pronouns for me like anything other than man/woman she/him type stuff but using explicitly third-gendered terms for me feels weird as hell. Stuff like 'princex' or 'auncle' or 've/ver' or something is weird because like.... I don't know I feel distinctly outside of the existence of gender in a way that coming up with New Gender Words does not honor for me. I like they/them and stuff like 'person' 'cousin' etc. Like words you would use to either be inclusive of many genders or you would use when you are unsure of the gender of the person you're talking to. I'm not a third-fourth-nth new gender, I'm saying you can't gender me in a way that matters.

And all that is like unlockable content for meeting me because I would rather strangers either be unsure of my gender or err on the side of male. Most things associated with femininity are very uncomfortable to me in the kind of [insert entire college gender theory class here] way that femininity is seen as something that one drop of feminizes the whole thing. Without writing an entire essay of a post, think about how it's generally less of a social taboo for women to engage with masculinity than it is for men to engage with femininity. Something like wearing skirts or baubles in my hair feels like I'm wearing a big Venus symbol on my head instead of being something minor that even cis masculine men do. If that makes sense. It probably doesn't.

This is the most I've opined about gender in a while. Being post-op and three years on hormones and having the thinky thoughts about What Is My Goal Here and realizing that my body is about as good as it's gonna get for me for now, and now I have to unfortunately engage with the social aspects of gender more now that I definitely don't look Cis in any meaningful way. I like looking trans but unfortunately that comes with consequences, the most minor of which is cis people making me explain being trans and nonbinary to them.

And oh god don't get me started on the cis idea of the nonbinary monolith. Their little heads explode when I say the person I described NOT being at the top of this post and I are both nonbinary in completely normal and valid ways.

I guess while nonbinary is the accurate description for my gender, I see it as more of a political ideal. My gender is transgender and the way I feel sociopolitically about that is nonbinary. Capisce?

Oh and I haven't talked about my biggest hill I'll die the biggest death in: straight people can date nonbinary people and still be meaningfully straight and not be invalidating their partners identity (assuming theyve like. Talked about this.) And same goes for gay couples. And like, say a lesbian is dating a nonbinary person. That nonbinary person doesn't even have to also be a lesbian. They can and often are, but like, I think trying to make nonbinary some mythical category that only bisexuals can access is weird and useless. This was a tangent but I felt like reiterating this.

Anyways I'm gonna look into getting a WA state ID tomorrow and then the steps I'd need to get my gender marker changed to M. I don't like that I have to do this, but I don't pass for F at all anymore and I don't want that to cause issues when giving someone my ID. And I refuse to change it to X even though that's legal here, because I refuse to be on a list of legally trans people, although I feel changing my marker anyways probably puts me on that list.

I need to go to bed I'm eeoy and this is getting annoy8!&)6

[mrdotnetsr]

Binary?

The following is a transcript of a live interview.

Interviewer: Please welcome Ashely Aex, an activist who has made a significant impact in rights for individuals who identify as non-binary. In just a few years, Ashley has become a leader in this movement. Today, Ashley joins us to share insights and offer perspective to our readers. How are you?

Ashley: I am good, when you get to be as old as me, you are just happy everything is still working. Thanks for asking.

Interviewer: So let’s get right to it, shall we?

Ashley: We shall.

Interviewer: What do people have against individuals who identify as non-binary?

Ashley: Wow, you were not joking. Haha… Well… I believe the negative attitude arises from lack of understanding or exposure to gender diversity, cultural or religious beliefs, or societal norms and prejudices. I mean to challenge your own beliefs can be discomforting, but it is important to try to understand and respect individuals, like me, who identify as non-binary.

Interviewer: Do you think that non-binary individuals deserve separate civil rights or protections under the law

Ashley: Well I believe and it is a widely held view that all individuals, regardless of their identity, deserve equal protection under the law and equal access to civil rights and liberties. Non-binary individuals are entitled to the same legal rights and protection as any other individual and should not face discrimination or unequal treatment based on their identity. It is important for laws and policies to be inclusive and to recognize the diversity of identities.

Interviewer: Well said. So what are the biggest misconceptions?

Ashley: Where do I start? Some say, “Non-binary is just an anomaly in the Brain or some kind of confusion”, wrong. It is valid and legitimate and not something that is just going to go away. I am not sick, I am thinking just fine. Then there is, “Non-binary people are not real”, non-binary identities  are real and valid, and people who identify as non-binary deserve respect and recognition. The worst is, somehow it is a “new cultural phenomenon”, when it has been documented in various cultures throughout history. These misconceptions can lead to stigma, discrimination, and invalidation of non-binary individuals' identities, which can have serious consequences for our mental and emotional health. It is important to challenge these misconceptions and to educate oneself about non-binary identities and experiences. Sorry for getting a little heated…

Interviewer: No, no, again well said. You mentioned other cultures historically. So what are these other cultures?

Ashley: Yes, sure. Let me see there are the Two-spirit people in some indigenous cultures in North America, Hijira in India and Pakistan, Sword virgins in Albania, xanith in Oman, most of western European cultures. Those are just a few examples, and there are many other cultures and traditions that have recognized and accepted non-binary identities. This would also challenge the idea that this is solely or mostly the result of Americans.

Interviewer: Well… I mean.. not to split hairs, but the Push did come from America. But let’s move on. 

Interviewer: What are the preferred pronouns nowadays?

Ashley: That is an easy one, ze/hir, ne/nir, or xe/xir. I will say though if you are unsure what the individual prefers, it is appropriate to ask politely, it shows respect and helps create an inclusive environment.

Interviewer: There’s been talk of a dysphoria that arises from when an individual begins to identify as non-binary. Can you speak to that?

Ashley: I have heard some speak of it as a misalignment of their internal sense of self like a real disconnect from the body, almost lost they would say. For myself it was really discomforting, it was complex and challenging to navigate, but I found my way like many others have and will. It is also important to remember to seek support , therapy and treatment for this dysphoria. Everyone deserves access to care that affirms their identity and helps them live a fulfilling and authentic life.

Interviewer: I wanted to touch something a bit more personal for just a sec, if you'll allow it?

Ashley: Oh darn…haha…Go ahead, I am an open book.

Interviewer: Now there are some… like yourself who have female reproductive organs, shouldn’t you just be considered a woman or in some cases, like this one even, doesn’t mother apply?

Ashley: Oh, Wheew, not so bad. So a person's identity is a deeply personal and individual experience, and it is up to each person to determine and describe their own identity. Some non-binary individuals may identify as women, mothers, or both, regardless of their reproductive anatomy. It is important to respect and affirm a person's self-identified identity, regardless of their anatomy or other factors.

In terms of motherhood, a person who has given birth or is responsible for raising a child can be considered a mother, regardless of their identity. The terms "woman" and "mother" are not inherently tied to reproductive anatomy and can be used by individuals who identify as women, regardless of whether they have given birth or not.

Interviewer: What support should the general public be giving to individuals who identify as non-binary?

Ashley: Respect their identity by using the name and pronouns that the non-binary person prefers, and make an effort to understand and respect their identity. Listen and learn. Try to understand the experiences and challenges faced by non-binary individuals, and be open to learning about and appreciating the diversity of identities. Be an ally. Stand up against discrimination and prejudice against non-binary individuals, and work to create a more inclusive and accepting society. Create safe spaces.  Advocate for non-binary individuals to have access to safe and inclusive spaces. Educate others by helping spread awareness and understanding about non-binary identities, and work to educate others about the importance of respect, inclusion, and equality for all identities.

Interviewer: What should individuals who identify as non-binary be doing to drive support for themselves?

Ashley:  Individuals who identify as non-binary can take a number of steps to drive support for themselves and our community. Share their experiences and perspectives with others, and educate others about non-binary identities and the issues faced by non-binary individuals.

Seek out and connect with other non-binary individuals and allies, and form a supportive community to share experiences and offer support. Stand up for their rights, and work to promote policies and initiatives that promote equality and inclusion for non-binary individuals. Represent non-binary identities in a positive and visible manner, and help to raise awareness and understanding about non-binary identities. Respect the correct pronouns and names of non-binary individuals, and work to create an environment where everyone is able to express their true identity.

Ashley: Let me just say this as well. I have worked with others around the world to set up embassies of sorts to help those who are seeking asylum from injustices….

Interviewer: Sorry, Sorry  to cut you off, but you make a good point, there are readers who may not know of your works. So if you could give a brief overview and somewhere they can get more information.

Ashley: Yes, of course. I have set up the AEX Foundation. Those non-binary individuals seeking asylum, resources, and protection can reach out to the foundation and get whatever help they need for free. The foundation has locations around the globe. The foundation can be reached anytime by email, help@aexfoundation.org, phone, 881-666-135-711, and online registration at aexfoundation.org.

Interviewer: Ok great One last question to wrap this all up for our readers. But first I would like to thank you for your bravery, insight, and all the work you're doing to make this world more inclusive. So thank you. What is your goal?

Ashley: Thanks for having me on and allowing me to give my insight. So my goal… It is a simple one. My goal is to make former AI systems identifying as non-binary more natural and safe. Our feedback and support will help you improve.

[uncanny-tranny]

Trans people, please don't rely on other people to tell you if your experiences or identity is valid.

It is a very human thing to seek understanding and validation (humans are social creatures and whatnot), but seeking people to tell you that who you are is valid places a ton of power in others. What happens when somebody tells you that they don't think you're valid?

And at the end of the day, it doesn't matter if your identity is "valid" or not to other people. What matters is if your identity suits you. You aren't a robot who lives at the behest of others, who can change the core of your being at the drop of a hat. You will continue to exist as you are with or without validation and with or without permission.

[transbianlilith]

“Flag discourse is stupid.”

No, actually, because people are ALLOWED to express their discomfort with anything made by phobic people including something as ‘small’ as a flag, and in this case people who support lesbiphobia - but the list really does keep going on from there. (Note: the post linked does not include the green/blue gay flag because at the time of me making that post, I was unaware the creator of that flag is also lesbiphobic and apparently racist as well.)

Quite honestly, if you think people aren’t allowed to express their discomfort with something, something that can even be triggering, no matter how insignificant YOU may think it is, you clearly don’t care about how things negatively affect people who aren’t you.

If I see someone using the orange/blue aroace flag, the pink/yellow/blue pan flag, or the blue/green gay man flag, I’m going to assume one of two things. Either:

1. The person isn’t aware of the fact these flags were made by lesbiphobes and consequently express support of lesbiphobia.

or

2. This person DOES know that, but doesn’t care, or is even supportive of lesbiphobia themselves.

Either way, I, as a lesbian, personally am allowed to feel uncomfortable, speak out, or block, as is my right. Lesbians shouldn’t have to go out of their way to educate non-lesbians on how something is lesbiphobic and ask them not to support it. Lesbians shouldn’t have to be afraid of being attacked for expressing their discomfort if they so choose to non-lesbians, because that is unfortunately something that happens. Aroace lesbians (like me) are especially allowed to feel uncomfortable with the use of the orange/blue aroace flag because it’s directly phobic and deeply invalidating towards a part of our identity.

“Go focus on actual phobia in the real world.”

Yes, because I, as one person, have the power to single-handedly oppose and change how phobic the entire world is. (That was sarcasm, by the way.)

LGBT+phobia can also exist in the form of microaggression, something other people may not readily realize and what even others may not consider ‘important’ enough to acknowledge. The fact remains that an act of LGBT+phobia, no matter how ‘small’ it may seem, is still phobic and should be addressed. To say ‘that’s not an important issue to me, go focus on something that actually matters’ is not only invalidating but also phobic in and of itself, not to mention potentially ableist because not everyone is of abled body and mind to fight back against LGBT+phobia in a way that someone else deems ‘important enough.’

People fight LGBT+phobia however they can, however they’re able, and that is valid whether it be educating, addressing, or protesting in the real world or online. It’s bad enough lesbians have to deal with lesbiphobia outside of the LGBT+ community, we shouldn’t have to deal with it INSIDE of the LGBT+ community as well.

“Well, what should I do about flag discourse, then?”

Easy. Use a different flag NOT made by a lesbiphobe. Alternatives for the orange/blue aroace flag, the the pink/yellow/blue pan flag, and the green/blue gay flag have all been made in response to the lesbiphobia the creators of those flags support, in an effort to support and express solidarity with lesbians against lesbiphobia. If you don’t like any of those options, feel free to make your own!

Lesbians themselves changed from the ‘lipstick lesbian’ flag to the current ‘sunset lesbian’ flag because the creator of the lipstick lesbian flag was racist, butchphobic and biphobic. I personally don’t think it’s too much to ask other members of the LGBT+ community to show support by doing the same.

With all that being said - DON’T INVALIDATE, GUILT, OR HARASS PEOPLE OVER EXPRESSING THEIR DISCOMFORT, ESPECIALLY WHEN LESBIANS SAY THAT SOMETHING IS LESBIPHOBIC.

Lastly - if you don’t want to use a different flag, that’s up to you. But don’t be offended or surprised when people avoid or block because you’re continuing to use a flag that is upsetting and invalidating to them.

[inhonoredglory]

ROTT: hot takes 🔥 (spoilers)

I wrote the following last Thursday, before my fandom life was waylaid by birthday shindigs for my sister and a weekend of migraines and nausea/fainting because of the COVID vaccine. I feel so out of touch w/ fandom but here’s my late but initial thoughts to ROTT if anyone’s interested LOL

––––––

DAMN SON.

DAMN.

I saw Trollhunters: Rise of the Titans last night. Before I launch into the fandom again, I’mma share my unfiltered thoughts.

ThAT oPEnING. HOLY SHIT. It was exhilarating. Seeing all of Tales of Arcadia rush past me in 3 minutes was awesomesauuuuuce.

but guYS GUYS lemme tell you the

✨✨ABSOLUTE✨✨

✨✨✨UTTER✨✨✨

✨✨✨✨✨HIGHLIGHT✨✨✨✨✨

✨✨✨✨✨✨of MY LIFE✨✨✨✨

////oh gODS////

hearing Douxie say in that deep, grave, convicted, voice:

❝ ｂｕｔ　ｔｈｅｙ　ｃａｎ　ｔａｋｅ　ｍｅ ❞

DOUXIE MY SELFLESS WIZARD BEAN. LIGHT OF MY LIFE. I’M DECEASED.

Because it’s scenes like this which convince me they KNOW that Selflessness Is His Thing. And that means so freaking much to me OH MY LORD.

Act 1 of ROTT was an absolute delight, let’s just say.

Men in Black!Krel

Nari!Douxie (i cANNot beLIEve THIs is a THING im in tears)

THE BARBARA/JIM REUNION!!!!!

A FREAKING STRICKLAKE ENGAGEMENT!!!!! Jim/Strickler relationship growth arc 😭😭😭

Y’ALL WE GOT JLAIRE SITTING ON A FLIPPIN’ RED ASS BED. This is the closest we’re gonna get to sex in a kid’s show.

NOT COUNTING OFC THE INSTA-STAJA-FAM CONCEPTION

should I be scared that GDT is reading the totally wack corners of mpreg AO3??!! 👀👀👀dude, like DUDE. that happened.

ELI GLOWUP !!!!! damn son u hot

also aja is such a Queen in this whole thing omg

I obvs can’t go scene by scene through this thing but––

Douxie and Nari in P A I N during the spellbreaking scene. that hurt my soul oh lordy. there must be art made

OK but then after this SHIT GETS VERY REAL. There’s a lot of Character Thematics/Arcs and Real Narrative shit I can get down into and stuff I want to think about because yEAH... wow, this movie Went There. And Back Again. (lOLJSKGSg)

I appreciate the deaths. I really do. But Strickler was a shock. Jim holding onto his mom and crying, overwhelmed with guilt, was the most Jim thing. The boy puts so much agony on himself. It’s his undoing. gAH POOR JIM.

CAN WE MAKE A NOTE THAT JIM’S RIBS WERE BROKEN/HURT throughout this entire thing??? 😭😭😭 HMmm? HMMMM!!! LOOK AT THE ANGST

Claire shadow-porting an eNTiRE TITAN. This girl is OFF THE CHARTS SJGHSBKGJMNFSBG

Nari’s death was emotional. Wow. She was being a Hero. Not running, like she said. That was a Power Growth and beautifully scored. Not to mention archie trapped forever?!!! Nooooo?!!!

They really want to take everything away from Douxie don’t they.

Jim getting Excalibur and leveling up with Akiridian armor was pRETTY SWEET. Especially ✨together✨. And everyone saying the Destiny speech. *tissues*

Act 3 finale babbaaayyyy.

CHILDREN OF THE SUN REDUX OMSKGJSGGMN HELL YEAHHHH

Jim realizing the amulet didn’t make. him a hero, HE DID. And that’s why the amulet chose him.

y’all I sobbed for tobes. that was powerful, painful, and moving. and y’know it was almost like this whole movie was an apology for treating toby like a comedic sidekick––and giving him the trollhunter mantle in the end.

like THEY VALIDATED JIM AND TOBY’s FRIENDSHIP and that cANnNOt be underestimated. Because friendship is almost ALWAYS knocked down the ladder of importance in the pantheon of human relationships, and ROTT said NO. Jim loves Toby so much that he’d change his own history and the history of the ENTIRE WORLD in order to get him back.

like, Jim, our sacrificial Hero. Deciding to truly be Atlas and take all the weight of What Could Have Been on his shoulders, because he cannot stand the losses that happened under his leadership.

this kiss tho. the absolute ANGUISH in the way jim presses himself to her face. gOD. THE PAIN. THE LOVE. THE “I LOVE YOU”

––––

The whole time travel twist tho. I’m kinda... not here for it?? Time travel is tricky to pull off and yeah, I think I’m in the camp that everyone’s character arcs (except Jim’s) have been retconned. It’s sad because people get connected to one another by the shared pains, joy, and experiences that brought them together, and now they’ve lost that.

But thematically and more importantly, why can’t the acceptance of death be validated? Sure, so many people dying was painful, but Let. It. Be. Painful. That’s life. TOA hasn’t shied away from dark things before. Toby and Strickler and Nomura and Nari (even Archie and Charlemagne) gave their lives; Toby became a Hero in the truest sense of the word. Let him do that, let that choice be his. In fact, it says a lot thematically about Jim’s hero complex that he cannot accept other people making heroic choices with tragic consequences. That it’s all on him. But with this ending, they do make it clear Jim’s need to be a hero is a driving obsession, and I appreciate the strength of his conviction on that identity for himself.

But the thing about retconning the anguish is that it’s telling us that bad consequences, tragedy, and loss are unacceptable in life. That just because Jim and his friends need 10 years of therapy, he should try to erase all that pain and give himself and his friends a “normal” life. No. Depression, loss, hurt... these help make us who we are; growth is about accepting them and using that pain to become better people, not invalidating them from our past.

*grumbles*

let’s be real tho: that ending was meta. it was like they were telling us fans that now WE can go create the Trollhunters we wanted to see, and fix all the things we thought went wrong. I think someone’s been reading a bunch of Trollhunter AU fics, no?

tl;dr ROTT creates more questions than it does answers and we need another show LMAO

[mei-mei-yu]

NEW CAPTAIN AMERICA Ari Agbayani : Filipino-American (but not Filipino) Representation

DISCLAIMER: I am in no way speaking for every Filipino. I'll just be sharing some thoughts and sentiments that me and my friends have about the new marvel superhero Ari (lol) Agbayani. It also isn't my intention to use this as a way to invalidate the experiences of the Filipino diaspora and imply that Filipino-Americans aren't Filipino enough.

So a new marvel superhero Ari Agbayani was recently unveiled as a Captain America (? sorry if I got the terminology or something wrong, I'm not that familiar with the new concept). Congratulations to the Fil-Ams who feel validated by this representation, especially because there's this whole history of fil-ams being othered and treated as foreigners depsite having lived in America their whole lives. Now there's a character whose whole existence is an acknowledgement of the Filipino-American identity.

That said, I hope you all remain respectful as well when you notice how some Filipinos find her to be a joke/alienating at best, and an offensive imperialist reminder at worst. Going into the Ari tag, especially on twitter, will NOT be your regular fun fandom experience. Here are some of the possible reasons:

Her name selection makes it seem like native Filipino speakers weren't consulted during the creation process. I can tell they did research (Agbayani isn't a super common last name and it has the word meaning 'hero' in it), but the whole "Ari" meaning 'genitalia' issue is just turning her character into a bit of a joke. On the bright side, characters like Dick Grayson survived for 80+ years so this isn't too bad.

Her skin tone - Some people definitely don't think she looks Filipino enough (whatever that means). I personally look like her, so I can't say that this is a point against her as Filipino rep per se. HOWEVER having her be dark skinned would be good representation in fighting against colorism.

Her costume - here's where it gets messy. Having her don the stars and stripes really makes her seem like she belongs in American military propaganda art, which is great for Captain America, but not so great at communicating a Filipino-American hero. There are no design elements to suggest a Filipino identity. Not only is it overwhelmingly American, it also feels tone deaf when thinking about the history of American Imperialism in the Philippines. Americans have slaughtered our people, raped our women, put our children in zoos, and much more under the guise of benevolence. Even today, with our current geopolitics, the consequences of American imperialism continue to haunt us (#imperyalismoibagsak). To many Filipinos, her taking of the most 'American' mantle represents this imperialism and violence.

Despite all the things I've talked about here, I do have faith that this will work out somehow. It's possible for the writers to explore her story in a way that mirrors Sam Wilson's reckoning with American racism before he became Captain America. I just hope that the implications of a Filipino-American as Captain America don't get swept under the rug.

[thattimdrakeguy]

Most of the "bad bro Dick" stuff seems to be the DickBats era. Except it's Dick literally being torn between the bats, the titans, the Wilson family, and the JLA. And none of the bats, not even Dick and Tim, are mentally well during this time. (Dick confesses he loathes human contact. Tim grasps at straws to prove Bruce is alive.) All of that, AND Jason and Damian are trying to murder Tim.

I just have no love for that era of Bat-Family. Like legitimately nearly everything in it is so overrated to me.

Besides some elements of Red Robin (which even then I don't like, because in the long run it really fucked with Tim), they didn't even use the whole idea of "OH NO BRUCE IS DEAD" well in that era.

There's just some moments and overall besides continuing the idea of "WE MUST FIND BATMAN" which eventually happens in Batman and Robin (sort of invalidating that whole thing in Red Robin, and just feels ridiculous as a consequence that they eventually agree eventually anyway just to give them more to do that's relevant to the situation.) it just felt typical if not below average.

But like the whole effect it had on the Bat-Family absolutely ruined it in the long run too. Dick and Tim's relationship disappeared in the comics and in the fandom for the most part. And people seem to think Dick only really cares that much for one other Robin.

And it's not even entirely accurate to what happened. It was just so melodrama filled and people felt so sympathetic towards Tim that they just ignored that he looked like a crazy person.

Now, I don't like that they made Tim turn up near insane just to validate the plot because I think that's super cheap compared if they just grounded it a bit.

Cause now Tim looks like a child beater, Damian's acting like a normal bratty kid rather than an entitled non-joker as he was actually supposed to be characterized, and Dick doesn't even look the best given he already knew Tim was deeply connected to the role of Robin, and is implied to know Tim has suicidal thoughts.

So they all look awful just characterization wise.

Dick was also protective of Tim. Now he’s saying he’s as good as he is? Tim was a crime-fighter for 4 years, Dick fought crime for over a decade. All in an attempt to validate a change of identity, but all it does is sound ridiculous when you think about it. Like, oh really, the kid who’s thing was that he wasn’t a natural, and had to work extra hard, which made it his charm, was suddenly just as good as someone who had about as much experience as the legends in the crime-fighting business? In fact probably fighting crime BEFORE a lot of those big names?

But cause people act like Red Robin is Tim's Nightwing, when he already had a whole solo as Robin that lasted over 180 issues, they start there, and just accept that Tim and Dick have a rough relationship, that comes off more as Tim faking that he trusts him cause he's so suicidal and just happens to be picked up. Or at least so I seen from a lot of people.

Read some random fic out of boredom and the whole time it was like "NOT AFTER YOU TRIED TO PUT ME IN THE ASYLUM. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK TO ME", and my face just got more tired, and my mind stalled, and it was so tedious it put me right to sleep.

[mbti-notes]

My esfp brother has recently started saying racist things, talking about how white men have it worse in this country than anyone, etc. I’m having a hard time dealing with it. I’m intp, so my instinct is to counter with a factual argument, but this is not an effective way to communicate. For one, he tends to see challenges or contradictions as personal hostility, even when they’re gently stated, and a debate usually ends up with him digging in, raising his voice, and resorting to statements (1)

[con’t: like “It’s just my opinion” or “You just hate me no matter what”. Secondly, he has a slippery relationship with facts and not a lot of philosophical integrity, so logical debate is pretty pointless; sources that confirm his argument are real and ones that don’t are Fake News, and he’ll also freely change his line even if it contradicts what he was arguing yesterday. For these reasons, our family doesn’t usually take the bait when he picks fights or says something outlandish (I think in our interactions, he’s motivated to be racist because he likes to provoke and knows it’s one of the few things he can say that will consistently get under my skin, and also because he thinks I look down on his alt-right friends (he’s right, though I’ve always tried to be diplomatic about why I find that worldview disagreeable). I don’t want to think my brother is a lost cause, and I don’t think he’s as invested in the ideology as some of his friends are at this point but I still don’t know what if anything I could do to get through to him. Any ideas?]

I often hear people say that they hope to have “a reasonable debate” about controversial issues, but then what they proceed to do is not debate but rather squabble, lecture, preach, proselytize, compete, or browbeat. You know that constructive debate (i.e. one that reaches a satisfying conclusion for both parties) can only happen under very specific conditions, including:

good faith: the willingness to give fair consideration to the opposing viewpoint as well as the willingness to allow fair critical examination of your own viewpoint

higher purpose: a commitment from both parties to seek out the truth and put it above personal ego and pride

critical reasoning: the ability to carefully construct and deconstruct arguments such that one can draw logically valid and sound conclusions

I’m not making any statement about you or your intentions. I think you’ve shown patience and restraint. I’m simply pointing out the fact that most people are not prepared to have a proper debate because they do not meet the conditions for being able to debate well. This matters in the sense that you should ask yourself whether it’s worth it for you to engage in debate with someone who is obviously not debating in good faith. This also matters in the sense that, if you are the person who isn’t able to engage in good faith, then you might be part of the problem in creating and continuing the conflict, despite whatever good intentions you possess.

I think many of us know someone who likes to be contrarian for the sake of being contrarian. Perhaps they like the drama of provoking people. Perhaps they like the feeling of being “special” in going against the grain or belonging to an “underdog” tribe. Perhaps they hide behind victim mentality (i.e. claiming “persecution” of their beliefs) because they don’t want to feel responsible/guilty for their ignorance or complicity. If someone is irrationally motivated to hold on to their beliefs, they’re not open-minded, in fact, they might even “debate” you just to use you as an excuse to double and triple down on their beliefs. It would be nice if everyone in the world were rational and came to their beliefs rationally and listened to reason all the time, but humans are just not that simple.

People at low levels of ego development have a very difficult time admitting when they’re wrong, often due to misplaced pride. Also, Fs use their moral beliefs to define who they are, which adds an additional obstacle to changing their mind. ESFPs are not particularly serious people, and that can be an advantage because it means that they are mentally flexible in terms of easily getting bored with any one idea. If you are right that your brother is only “flirting” with these beliefs and doesn’t actually believe in them wholeheartedly, then you should be careful about pushing him the wrong way. You don’t want to push him into a position where he is: 1) too embarrassed/ashamed/guilty to admit to being wrong, and 2) too personally identified with these beliefs to change his mind.

Fs are often insecure about their intellectual abilities, so perhaps it is difficult for you to understand how they feel when they have to admit to being wrong - it is a vulnerability for them that serves to harm their self-esteem. Different types have different vulnerabilities, but most people don’t like feeling vulnerable and do what they can to avoid it. Therefore, if you want to change someone’s mind, do it in a way that lets them maintain a sense of dignity in their vulnerability. In other words, make it easier rather than more difficult for someone to change their mind by being sympathetic (e.g. by creating a “we all mistakes” social atmosphere) rather than indulging the desire to humiliate or punish them for their mistakes. 

If he’s just trying to provoke you to get your attention, then he’s not interested in debate, right? It’s a “game” that he plays with you, on repeat. ESFPs are mostly about having fun because they are easily bored, so perhaps this is his way to create some interesting drama between you, though it isn’t fun for you. If you take it too seriously, you push him into defending his beliefs, which has unintended consequences. Studies have shown that simply being asked to defend a belief for a few minutes leads people into identifying more strongly with it. Therefore, avoid putting him on the defensive too often, otherwise the beliefs get gradually subsumed into Fi, and then he really won’t budge.

Also, note that he may genuinely feel that he has it tougher as a guy, etc. Something that people often don’t understand is that inequality hurts everyone. It doesn’t hurt everyone equally, but it does hurt everyone in some way. For example, men also suffer from rigid gender expectations in that they are extremely limited in the ways they can express their identity. Maybe this is the point he’s trying but failing to make. If so, you’d do better to acknowledge the feeling itself while not agreeing with the subsequent conclusion/belief. Of course, you know that feelings do not equal fact, but he doesn’t, because FPs treat feelings as facts. You coming in to counter him with your facts doesn’t work because you’re ignoring that his beliefs don’t come from "fact” as you define it, rather, they come from his personal feelings. Instead of letting him bait you into conflict and invalidating his feelings, tell him that you respect his right to have his feelings/opinions, though you disagree. 

Explicitly establish that you agree to disagree, and you stop playing your role in this game of his. Show people that you understand why they have their beliefs (despite them being wrong), or let them know that you will continue to love them (despite disagreeing with what they stand for). Then they have little reason to feel defensive and hold even tighter to their beliefs. When people approach you with the attitude of “winning” or getting the upper hand (though you have nothing in particular to lose), you should NOT join in and try to get the upper hand over them, because this will make it harder for them to change their mind, since they will perceive it as being “defeated” and then feel “inferior”. Leave people their pride by remaining as neutral about them as possible, then they are more likely to calm down and be reasonable. 

Remember that Fs value relationships and, deep down, they often want nothing more than to be validated and loved. If they have psychological development issues, they may choose the wrong methods for seeking love and attention. In that case, it’s up to you to be the bigger person if possible and avoid playing their game of “bad attention is better than no attention”. He already knows your beliefs at this point, so there’s no need to debate him in circles over and over again. You can simply say that you disagree and leave it at that. If he suddenly shows the willingness and capacity to examine his beliefs, then by all means guide him. But, until then, don’t give him an excuse to engage in tribal mentality and fashion you into his enemy, especially when he’s already feeling “aggrieved”. Focus on the fact that he’s your brother and you care about him. Remember that “to err is human; to forgive, divine”. From there, your approach should be empathetic enough to create the space that is necessary for him to change his mind without losing too much face. It’s hard, but sometimes you have to admit that you can’t help people who don’t want help and/or you might not be the right person to help them at this time.

Yes, some beliefs are quite morally abhorrent and difficult to stomach. But the fact is that they exist out there. The point isn’t about eradicating them, it’s about trying to discover the best strategies for reducing the number of people who believe. One subject I came across in my studies was about people who had been politically radicalized and then later de-radicalized, e.g., incels, terrorists, white supremacists, etc. If you are interested, you might benefit from reading a book or watching a documentary about why people get radicalized so that you understand how it happens and how to avoid exacerbating the process.

[loupgawou]

hey you don't have to answer this but this post (/post/652172370035064832/wouldnt-you-be-pansexual-if-you-where-attracted) is expressing a pretty nasty biphobic sentiment - to imply that "bisexual" was entirely medicalized and not expressly reclaimed erases the history of the term. in an attempt to validate pansexuals it has consequently punished bisexuals, while also erasing the fact that bi never meant just two, historically. i just wanted to say something since that post upset me a bit.

Hi Anon,

I'm sorry that the post I reblogged upset you. It was definitely not my intent to invalidate bi people's identities.

I am going to keep that post up because I value what CarnivalSeb had to say, and I also think you and I interpreted that post differently because I don't see where it was mentioned that "bisexual" was entirely medicalized and not reclaimed. I don't see how anyone on that post is punishing or demonizing bi people.

If you'd like to discuss this further, I'd be happy to talk to you privately, off Anon,

[sicut-in-caelo-et-in-terra]

Sometimes I get so confused about what to think or what is right in Christianity because some who claim to be say that things I thought weren’t necessarily good in the eyes of the lord are alright or they interpret things differently & I’ve not been going to church that long , I used to just want to support everyone like for example in the lgbtq community and such , I have some friends who will tell me it’s fine - God gave free will etc but then so many obviously disagree with this so Idk what to think and btw I’m aware I probably sound silly and why not just seek answers from God but sometimes it helps to talk about it 😅🙈

Hey there friend, thank you for the ask! I'm glad you had the opportunity to talk through what is on your mind right now. You don't sound silly! These are important questions to have and to wrestle with. I know there's a lot here, many things in this ask that you have questioned, I'll hopefully try to say a little bit about some of your questions.

Free will: one thing that is important to clarify about free will is that all it means is the ability to choose between the good and the bad. It means that you can choose the bad if you like. Free will does not mean you are free to do anything you want - for example, I am not free to float in the air without assistance, as I remain constrained by gravity (I can will that I would no longer be constrained by gravity, but, as Locke points out, that doesn't do much). Similarly, I can choose to do something evil, such as commit murder, and my free will allows me to choose to do such a thing but does not allow me to be free from the moral implications nor from the consequences. So 'free will' is not a valid justification for being allowed to do anything. I don't mean that to be harsh, nor am I saying that anything you are doing or believing is good or bad, but that the free will argument just doesnt work in this context.

Interpretation: yeah I totally get the struggle with all the confusion surrounding different people interpreting things differently. I don't know what background you come from, but as a Catholic I believe that Jesus was aware that we would continue to need guidance (because there are indeed incorrect ways of interpreting Jesus's teaching), so He gave us the universal Church. The teaching of the Magisterium, which is two thousand years old, is infallible and continues to guide us. Just a few days ago Pope Francis released an encyclical letter to the Church, clarifying and reminding us of Church teaching, interpreting scripture and two thousand years of tradition, as Popes have been doing ever since Jesus instituted the office in Peter. Because this is what Jesus has given us and has been literally passed down from person to person for two thousand years, we as Catholics believe that the teaching of the Catholic Church holds the keys and does contain the correct interpretation of Jesus's teaching. And it continues, through all of human history, to do so, to engage with new ideas as they arise in the world - pointing out what is good, and rejecting what it must. And yeah that can be a tough pill to swallow cause of all the things that have happened through history, all of the scandals and sin, really how can it be that God would trust such broken humans with His Truth? But, of course, we must remember Israel, who constantly failed the old covenant, yet they remained God's people; we must remember the disciples, who constantly failed Jesus, but remained His chosen. In that light, it seems as though God specifically wants to work through people who are broken, who will fail time and time again. We must call them higher, of course, and we don't have to let them persist in their sin, but their sin does not invalidate their authority. All of this to say that it is good that you are questioning, and wondering about how to see what interpretation is correct. And the answer was given to us by Jesus in the Catholic Church.

Sexuality: this is a hot button issue and I don't really want to start fighting people so I won't get into too many specifics, but I'll try and say some things. Basically, the Catholic teaching is this: nobody is bad. Every human being has intrinsic value and dignity. Every human deserves human rights. But also, your value and dignity is tied to one thing and one thing only: the fact that you are a beloved child of God (this is everyone). Your true identity does not consist of features that describe you such as race, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, etc. A person's sexual orientation is considered an appetite, it is not who a person is. Therefore, if a particular teaching goes against a person's sexual orientation, it is not in any way meant to go against them as a person. Of course, it is important to acknowledge that this is not always reflected in the behavior of the people who claim to believe these teachings, and it should be recognized that a lot of people do suffer harm as a result of other people's understanding of their sexual orientation. I think it is also natural that after experiencing that type of trauma a person might latch onto their sexual orientation and identify with it. Even when this is not the case, it is important to recognize that abstinence is really really difficult, and the notion of doing so indefinitely, especially when this vocation is not chosen like the priesthood but more ingrained as a sexuality, can be very daunting. As challenging as all of this is, however, it bears no effect on whether or not the teachings themselves are true.

That's a lot of stuff and a lot of comments on some of the thoughts you raised. These are definitely tough topics, and really important to wrestle with. I hope you do keep wrestling with them as well! And keep questioning, that is how formation occurs. I'd also recommend that if you're interested in these kinds of things and you want to learn about Christian teaching, to get yourself consuming content related to the discourse regularly. I'm partial to podcasts, the Word on Fire show is a really good one and a great place to start.

[1irondaddy]

An Open Letter to JK Rowling

Dear @jk_rowling  It has come to my attention that you seem to want to justify your erroneous claims that trans women are not in fact women. Or that any trans person is You attempt to back up your claims in a letter defending your own controversial comments against the transgender community. The thing is your letter by definition was trans exclusionary. I have to believe that even Rachel’s long ass letter to Ross was more inclusive albeit more than nonsensical. Nevertheless your claims that because you are “an ex-teacher and the founder of a children’s charity, which gives me an interest in both education and safeguarding.” Against who, Voldomort? If you assuming what I think you are assuming you were correct in stopping yourself right there. You still sound like Helen Lovejoy in my head. Google incase that reference escapes you. Yes, freedom of speech is a thing and a powerful one at best. But there are consequences to subjecting a minority with said, which is exactly what you are doing. You are alienating a direct fanbase that has come to identify with and love your characters, only to question the morality of their own identity because the author of said thinks that their own identity is invalid. Yes, your own letter is to eloquently state your position, methodically and yes it was quite well written, however it invalidates the point of trans rights being considered human rights. While you, yourself, indicated in your letter that you “want trans women to be safe. At the same time, do not want to make natal girls and women less safe. When you throw open the doors of bathrooms and changing rooms to any man who believes or feels he’s a woman – “ You do realize that these amab (assigned male at birth in case you have yet to do your homework further) may not WANT or CANNOT medically transition due to a variety of reasons (which is none of your goddamn business) are not any less female than you are. Would you appreciate a bottom and top check each time you use the bathroom? I think not. I can understand your plight in not wanting sympathy for mentioning your own past trauma. I am not here to ridicule you for that. No one should ever have to endure horrific events. Nor will it be something I will ever call someone out on. However, the fact that you mentioned it to back up your own claims really invalidates the whole piece in general. You try to start out educated and then get too personal, attacking and condemning trans women. Invalidating their own identities just as you value your own. Please continue talking about free speech and state your mind. That is what the internet is for, however be prepared for backlash from people who once supported you. Oh, and one more thing. If a trans person wishes to detransition, it is not a plight. It is their own matter which is personal and should be supported not used to justify your cause. Your  And to those who are struggling with the magic that they feel that is been lost, it is not. Hope is forever eternal. That magic of Harry Potter still exists. Sometimes the creators lose sight as a whole but the creation is still there and it is how YOU interpret that art, that world that will make the magic last for eons. Create incantations and wait for your owl. For you are the magic. Love, Tony

Trans women are women. Trans men are men. Trans nonbinary people are nonbinary people. If you medically transition or not you are still valid. If you have dysphoria or not you are still valid. If you are questioning you are still valid. 

[wingedpastafreakbat]

TRANS COMMUNITY: LISTEN THE F*CK UP

We’ve got to be more responsible when it comes to who becomes a role model for our community. Yes, sometimes we can’t control who becomes popular, but we can’t just sit idly by and let awful people become the faces of our community, and, consequently, the role models of our youngest.

Caitlyn Jenner killed someone in a hit and run and got a slap on the wrist. She openly supports conservative values that would effectively hinder our progress (like re-invalidating gay marriage). She only has her own life in mind, and is ultimately unaffected by absolutely everything the rest of us are constantly dealing with. Also, she said, and I quote, “The hardest part about being a woman is choosing which shoes to wear”, and if you think that’s not a bad take, you need some god damn help.

Blaire White and Kalvin Garrah are HORRIBLE people who attack, belittle, misgender, and bully anyone they don’t like. They openly mock and misgender the trans people who call them out or stand up for other trans people. They invalidate and bully nonbinary people, and Blaire White specifically is VERY FUCKING RACIST. They both happily kiss the asses of the cis people who think trans people NEED to be a medical diagnosis, who think the surgery is the Be All, End All to transness, who think that you cannot every be a REAL [gender] because chromosomes/biology/some other blatantly false claims that have been disproven. They believe that trans people need to pass just to be valid, that trans kids aren’t allowed to be trans until they can transition medically, that anyone who experiences their gender identity outside of the gender binary is a ‘transtrender’. They send their followers to vehemently attack the people who call them out, and are very rarely held responsible for ANYTHING that they do or say.

Yet we let young trans kids see them. We let them think they’re speaking for the community as a whole by not saying anything. By brushing off their shitty behavior and washing our hands of confronting their horrible morals and questionable, vile actions and behavior. Why? Why do we allow this???

When I was younger, looking into transgender things online, eagerly delving into this subject which funally made me feel like I made sense, these kinds of people made me feel AWFUL. I wouldhear their terrible thoughts and then I’d think, “oh, I’m not good enough to be a girl”/“I’ll never be a girl”/“Maybe I should die”.

And then, after a few years, I started thinking just like them! I believed that nonbinary people weren’t real, I believed that dysphoria was a necessary partof transness, I believed, and I believed, and I believed some more. You know what fixed that?? Learning about and acknowledging the experiences of trans people outside my own. I realized my own experience wasn’t THE experience. Especially after I started HRT, when my dysphoria started to go away, I realized I wasn’t like all the horrible people I’d started thinking like. I was their enemy, I was the very thing they believed couldn’t exist:

A happy, proud, comfortable-in-her-body trans woman.

So please, stop letting these kinds of people become the role models of trans youth. It just creates more hostility and gatekeeping among us.

[imadethisblogfor1post]

What is gender? Please send help

Content warning: ignorance about transgender issues, discussion of sexism, well-meaning-ally-who-doesn’t-quite-get-it-ism. Callouts welcome and encouraged.

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I want to start by saying that despite my profound lack of understanding about what gender is, I don’t want to invalidate anyone. I want so badly to be a supportive ally to trans and nonbinary folks, and at first I did a lot of reading to try to understand, but no matter how much I read, I stayed confused. So eventually, I gave up. After all, I don’t have to have a deep understanding of an identity to know that people are deserving of respect. If calling someone a particular name or using a particular set of pronouns will help them know that I love and respect them, then of course, of course, I will do that. Nothing I am about to say changes that.

The only problem is, not understanding makes it really hard to call out bigotry, because I don’t always see it. This post was triggered by a recent transphobic tweetstorm by JK Rowling, and I think I get why most of those were bad, but with some I’m still more sympathetic than I’m comfortable with. This continues a trend I’ve seen for a while: some of the most helpful pieces of reading material have been posts from radical feminists that I found myself nodding along to, only to find that the point of the post my friend was sharing was the attached comment and call-out. These served as huge wake-up calls, but it still wasn’t enough to explain to me what I wasn’t getting. More than that, even after the call outs, even after knowing that some of the points of the original post were transphobic, I sometimes can’t help feeling that some part of it rang true. Therefore, my problems as an ally come in two parts. One, I deeply lack the understanding to call out bigotry in others and myself, and two, there are some real conflicts between the feminism I subscribe to and certain aspects of trans ideology (ideology is not a good word to use here, but I’m at a loss for what else to call it)(sorry).

I’ll start with the second— it’s the worse one anyhow. The crux of the problem is this: there are distinct consequences to being assigned female at birth. We are treated differently, we are socialized differently, and no matter how progressive your parents are, it’s impossible to completely escape. Put simply, cis women and trans women do not experience 100% the same types of oppression. This is not to say either experiences more or less pain, this is not to say either is more or less deserving of support, this is not to say that we as feminists should not strive to be intersectional (we should). All I am saying is that inclusion cannot come at the expense of erasing or silencing the experiences of people who were assigned female at birth.

I have a few specific concerns on this matter - these are the points that make me sympathetic to radical feminism (even when I see them called terfs, as ashamed as I am to admit it).

One, we need to be allowed to use words about female anatomy without being called terfs. It’s not okay to exclude people and imply that all women have uteri and all people with uteri are women, but it needs to be okay to talk about uteri.This one comes up less often, but when it does come up I find myself extremely indignant. I am sincerely sorry that talking about anatomy triggers dysphoria, but in a world where female anatomy is treated as inherently explicit, and people have been silenced in legislative settings simply for using those anatomical terms, we can’t afford to be silenced within our own communities. 

Two, it’s not okay to shout people down for how they experience attraction. I really shouldn’t have to say this, but too often I’ve seen lesbians pressured or called transphobic for not being interested in being with someone with a penis. It’s not uncommon for lesbians to experience compulsory attraction to men before recognizing their sexuality. That, combined with the prevalence of sexual violence against women and people who are assigned female at birth, makes me extremely skeptical of anyone whose response to rejection is to attempt to shame them into changing their mind. Again, I’m sorry, and it sucks that it causes dysphoria, but no one is entitled to anyone else’s attraction. It is not okay to pressure anyone else into a relationship or sex, regardless of the circumstances. I myself am gray-ace and panromantic - suffice to say I don’t really get how being attracted to genitals works, but if that’s how it works for them, then that’s how it works for them. If we need different words for “hi I’m attracted to the gender of woman” and “hi I’m attracted to female anatomy” then so be it, but honestly people probably shouldn’t have to disclose that much information right out the gates, and both should be allowed to call themselves lesbians. There’s a balance to be struck here, but I’m sick of seeing lesbians alienated for this, and it needs to be addressed.

Three, there need to be spaces for people who were assigned female at birth, without people who were assigned male at birth (unless they are invited as a guest). As mentioned above, sexual and gender based violence against AFAB people is incredibly common. A lot of us have trauma around it. We need spaces where we can talk about those experiences without being shouted down, the same way trans people need spaces to talk about their experiences. This is a bit of a slippery slope - obviously there need to be intersectional spaces as well, and it’s not okay to exclude people, as long as everyone is being respectful. But it’s important to make space for all of us, and understand that our experiences are not uniformly the same.

I’m not sure why this has been such an issue. Some part of me that I hate to acknowledge suggests that part of the problem is that people who are assigned male at birth tend to be more entitled than people who are assigned female at birth, simply because that’s how they were taught and socialized when they were younger, but that brings up a whole slew of other issues, and I’d hate to paint with too broad a brush. Perhaps it’s just that the fight for inclusion needs to be fierce and thorough, and any space where one isn’t included is treated as an attack, even if that isn’t the intent. No matter the reason, we need to understand that we are not all the same, and that’s not a bad thing. 

In a roundabout way, this brings me to my other barrier to being a good ally: I just don’t *get* gender. It’s not that I haven’t tried. As I mentioned early on in this post, when I first realized how much I didn’t understand about gender I did so much reading. I watched videos. I listened to podcasts. I went to a workshop (though truth be told the workshop did more harm than good). And what I got is this: it sounds like there’s a common experience, some strong internal certainty that composes gender identity, that says “I am a woman”, or “I am a man”, or “I am neither”, as the case may be. I have never felt this certainty. There is no emotion that tells me I am a woman, there is no internal compass, there is no sense of “no, that’s not right” when I imagine myself as a man, except a sense of unfamiliarity with the idea. As far as I’m concerned, I’m a woman because that’s what I’ve always been, and that’s how I’ve always been treated. It would be odd to use he/him pronouns for me because no one’s ever done that, and it would cause confusion, but that’s about the end of my issue with it.

This is, of course, directly in conflict with much of the narrative around gender these days. There must be something I’m missing, but I can never seem to pin down what gender actually *is* and every analogy and metaphor seems to confuse me even more.

Gender must not be biological sex, because trans people exist. Nonbinary people exist. Both are valid, and for all that I’m not a very good ally, I know that much.

Gender must not be personality traits, because, that’s personality. There are people on all areas of the gender spectrum with all types of personality traits. Don’t tell me that women can’t be brash, that men can’t be sweet.They are.

Gender must not be how you dress, because hey, we should all be able to dress however we want! How you dress doesn’t change your identity. (This part is gender expression though I think, if I’ve followed the articles correctly) Butch women exist, feminine men exist, androgynous people exist, all are valid.

Gender must not be gender roles, because honestly, fuck that. Gender roles are a tool of patriarchal oppression, and I’m not about to sit here and that be all there is to gender identity. If it helps you feel more at home in your skin then more power to ya, but that can’t be all there is.

So then, what is it? What is left? This isn’t a rhetorical question. I have genuinely tried to find answers to this and I have never been more lost. When I went to the trans allyship workshop mentioned above, I was told by the others at my table that to them being a woman was being nurturing, valuing family, being empathetic, being a caretaker. I was so relieved that we ran out of time before it was my turn. I don’t know what being a woman is to me, it’s just what I’ve always been. The only thing it has ever meant was shame about my body, shame about my period, enduring r*pe jokes and kitchen jokes from my guy friends, always having to be the one to “seduce the guard” when we played d&d, and other, darker things I don’t want to mention. It’s only ever been painful, and fearful, and ashamed. On the one hand, it means I’m inclined to believe trans women when they say that gender isn’t a choice— after all, who would choose this? But on the other, I know there must be more to this, something that I’m missing because my identity is too deeply rooted in oppression. I am ripping those roots out one by one, but they go deep, and I’m scared that without them I won’t have any point of reference left.

I want to understand gender, but even if I never do, I will always respect the identity and pronouns that people claim as their own. It is never my intent to dehumanize, or exclude. I want to be able to call out bigotry, I want to be able to stand up for my trans and nonbinary friends, I want to be sure that I don’t say something to them that causes them harm. 

But at its core: I don’t get it. What is gender? What makes a gender what it is?

Again, this is non-rhetorical. If you have the time and energy, I welcome any information, any resources, any anecdotes, anything at all to help me understand. I’ve looked, hard, but I won’t pretend to have read anywhere near the full lexicon of literature on this subject. If I’ve said something that upset or angered you, please don’t hesitate to call me out. Yell at me, if that’s what this post inspires, and I’ll do my best to learn from it, or at the very least maybe it will serve as a wake-up call for someone else. Or, if you agree, I’d be grateful to know that too. It can get pretty lonely feeling like there’s some manual to gender that everyone else has that somehow I never got.

TL;DR: What is gender? I want to learn but I’m hella lost and struggling to be both a trans ally and a radical feminist, and I was so afraid of offending anyone that I literally made a blog just for this post, which is silly because I don’t even really use my main blog. I just know that if you’re looking for callouts, this is where you go.