#1) rachel. girl are you dumb??? nothing good was going to come out of calling the cops on darius

[markedbyindecision]

i had a post drafted about the last episode of unreal and i giffed it bc so much happened (altho every episode has so much happening) but HOLY SHIT s2e7 of UnREAL was insane. Unreal, if you will.

[internally-glitching]

Angsty Shoni prompt with 1&8: where Toni comes in heavenly knocking on Shelbys door turns out she got into an accident on her way for their date and collapses right into Shelby. Girls come running in (maybe theyre all at same college) once they hear Shelby distraught

[I’ve just finished exams, so I actually have time to write now:) Here, have some angst to celebrate]

It was set to be a good night. Fatin and Dot had spent about two hours helping Shelby get ready; picking out a chic, navy dress, applying some killer eye-shadow and curling her blonde bob. She’d checked and double-checked the restaurant booking- she didn’t want a repeat of last time when they’d got the wrong date and lost their table. Everything was going well and she felt… happy. Genuinely happy.

Away from the island, away from her “family” and the suffocating life she’d left in Texas. She was free and ready to go on a magically ordinary date with her incredible girlfriend.

Perfect- it was all perfect.

And not the fake perfect that she’d pretended to be for so many years. Or the toxic, unrealistic levels of perfection her parents had expected of her. Real perfect.

Messy and ugly and completely terrifying. But still just perfect.

Once her friends had finally left, retreating to Nora and Rachel’s dorm, Shelby checked the time- 7.50. Toni would be there in ten minutes.

She couldn’t help but wonder what the other girl would be wearing. Of course, Toni looked stunning in everything and she loved her girlfriend no matter what outfit she wore. But, at the same time, Shelby really hoped Martha had forced her into wearing something vaguely fancy for once. Preferably, that black and white button-down shirt that she’d bought the other day, perhaps with the leather jacket that never failed to make Shelby’s heart flutter.

When it got to 8.15, Shelby just rolled her eyes. Trust Toni to be late. She was always late. Hence why Shelby had booked the table for thirty minutes later than she’d told her girlfriend- she wasn’t about to let Toni’s terrible time keeping ruin their night.

At 8.30, Shelby was getting worried. Toni was never this late. Something was off.

8.45. She’d called Toni’s phone three times- no answer.

Then it was 9 o’clock and Shelby was panicking. She was grabbing her keys to leave the house and dialling Martha’s number. Maybe she was being overdramatic, maybe it was too early to freak out. But Shelby knew something wasn’t right.

Read on AO3

And then, there was knocking; quiet but frantic taps, getting weaker and weaker.

Shelby opened the door and there was Toni.

Eyes crystalized in pain, a hand clutched against the doorframe, in a feeble effort to keep herself up. As soon as she saw Shelby, she collapsed forward, stumbling clumsily into her arms.

Toni was falling down and bringing Shelby, still warped with shock, along with her. As they both crashed to the ground, Shelby’s whole world tumbled with them. Her vision was in fragments, the scene before her blurring hazily across her eyes. In the back of her mind she knew she was crying- wailing, screaming even, but she heard nothing.

All she could process was Toni’s defeated body, crumpled against hers, and the red.

Red streaks trailing through the hallway, red soaking through the black and white shirt, red smudged across her own hands and dripping down her arms.

In the corners of her eyes, she saw the other girls rush over- presumably alerted by her sobs. Dot was calling 911, Martha was crouched on Toni’s other side, Leah had a hand on Shelby’s shoulder. But Toni- Toni’s heartbeat was getting slower.

Tears slapped down Shelby’s face, her hands were shuddering so badly it hurt. Against her sore limbs, she could feel Toni’s skin getting colder. The girl’s eyes were now shut, her face damp and pale; Shelby whimpered a gasp, realising how similar she looked to the other time. Four years ago now, on that horrific island that she wanted nothing more than to forget, but, at the same time, wanted to cherish the bitter-sweet nostalgia of its memories.

She looked at Toni’s icy features and she saw the seventeen-year-old, broken foster kid, who’d just washed up on a deserted island and who’d had the terrible luck of eating bad oysters. The girl who’d been too stubborn to surrender her pride, even to save her own life. The girl who, only a few hours later, had screamed and yelled at her.

“I don’t matter”.

Even then, Shelby had known it wasn’t true. Maybe her feelings for Toni had been complicated at the time but she’d known- in the dark, aching parts of her chest- that Toni was going to be her everything. Her someone. She mattered, even if to no one else, to her.

And now…

As she looked down at the dying girl, she could feel herself slipping away too. Her heart was a searing ball of pain, she couldn’t face the thought of her being gone.

“Toni”, her voice came out as a crumbling whisper, “Toni, I need you to hold on”. Amongst the storm of movement and sound around them, her words sounded pitifully small; but she knew Toni heard them. “You matter much to me, so much. Please don’t let go”.

Maybe she was just being hopeful, but Shelby could have sworn Toni’s heart rate got steadier, even if it was only very slightly. She had to be hopeful.

Without warning, Shelby’s mind was flashing back to another girl. Another girl she’d loved. Another girl she’d lost.

Becca had been her first love, even if not her final. Sometimes Shelby would see parts of her in Toni; a dumb joke, a smile, a reflection in her sparkling, brown eyes. They were so similar but so different all at once.

It had taken Shelby years to adjust to the fact Becca was gone, she still wasn’t quite there. Years later, and she still couldn’t fully process the fact she’d never hear that infectious laugh again, there would be no more chances to hug her tightly and tell her what an amazing friend she was, Becca would never be at her wedding, she’d never have her own; Shelby had been given this whole life that was thriving and beautiful, and Becca was still a lost sixteen-year-old in Texas.

As she’d slowly started to come to terms with her grief, her one saviour had been Toni- her tether to the mortal world. Toni hugged her tightly after her worst nightmares, she’d listened patiently on the few occasions Shelby had actually had the strength to talk about it, she’d held her hand when she’d finally been able to visit Becca’s grave. She wasn’t anywhere near over it, but with Toni next to her, she was getting there.

Worse than the grief, was the guilt. That was still very much there. Like a cruel knife, that had found its way into Shelby’s stomach and wouldn’t move, no matter how much time past; it was cold, it was sickening, it was what stained her sleep and lurked in the back of her mind, even when she was at her happiest.

She had let Becca die.

If it wasn’t for her, perhaps it would be Becca who got to have the perfect life.

No matter how many people told her it wasn’t her fault, it always would be to her.

Becoming heavier in her arms, Toni’s coarse breaths were getting weaker. She couldn’t let her die. This girl that she’d loved from the moment they’d met (even if she hadn’t realised it at first), and that she’d only grown to love more and more as the years past. The girl who was passionate about everything and willing to risk her life to defend the people she cared about. She was brave, even if recklessly so, and stubbornly determined but also the softest, kindest person Shelby had ever known.

Through tear slashed eyes, she saw not only Toni but the young girl from the island, and she saw Becca- an echo in Toni’s lifeless face.

She leant closer and put her mouth to Toni’s ear,

“stay alive, please”.

In the distance, screaming sirens approached.

[mediocre-riverdale]

WHY FINN HUDSON WAS THE WORST

#1. Cheating

Finn cheats on Quinn twice with Rachel, which evens out when Quinn also cheats, but no one ever mentions Finn cheating again. So, Finn gets cheated on by Quinn and Rachel, and both times he says how much it hurts and has an outburst. Despite now knowing the pain it causes, he encourages Quinn to cheat on Sam multiple times until she finally does it. He then continues to mock Sam, smirking at Sam and saying ‘I didn’t kiss your girlfriend’ in a teasing tone that implies to everyone that he did. Sam has done absolutely nothing to Finn except be nice and Finn shows no remorse at all for wrecking a relationship, even though he’s been cheated on twice. Again, no one calls him out on this besides Sam.

#2. How He Treats Rachel

Finn knows that Rachel has a crush on him because Rachel is very obvious about it. Despite the fact that he has a pregnant girlfriend at the time, he manipulates Rachel’s emotions and asks her out on a date with the intention to get her back in the Glee Club and not actually date her. He even kisses her (twice). So, after Quinn and Finn break up, Rachel assumes that her and Finn will date (since by this point they’ve kissed twice and been out on a date). Finn goes ahead and tells her he doesn’t actually want to be her boyfriend, which is fine because even though he led her on at least he’s honest.

He goes to hook up with hotter girls and when that doesn’t work out he goes back to Rachel, who now has Jesse. Rachel tells Finn that she’s moved on, which she has a right to do since Finn dumped her. Finn’s response? He’s not taking no for an answer and will not respect Rachel/Jesse’s relationship even though he had his chance. He goes on to betray Rachel’s trust and expose Rachel/Jesse’s relationship to everyone, taunt Jesse multiple times, and not back down. After Rachel tells him no again, he even sings Jessie’s Girl to her in front of multiple people and circles her while Rachel sits there uncomfortably.

After Finn leaves Rachel to go to the army comes back (after backpacking around for months without saying a word to anyone), he’s angry that Rachel moved on after he told her to do just that. He complains and is shown to be jealous of Rachel’s success. Once he finds out Rachel did kiss Brody, he runs off like a child to Lima, again without saying anything to Rachel. This forces Rachel to abandon her life in NYC for at least a whole day just to come find his pouty ass.

While Rachel maturely explains why they can’t be together anyone, Finn pathetically complains about how he now has no one in the world and how things will never be good again.

#3. How Finn Treats Other Males

I’ve already mentioned how he belittled Sam (also: when the Sam did the Justin Bieber experience, Finn claimed it was stupid and then after finding out he could get Quinn to cheat using a Bieber song, he stole Sam’s idea) and Jesse, and encouraged their girlfriends to sleep with him. So, let’s move on to Blaine. Blaine is a nice guy who joins the New Directions with the intention of helping them and finding love with Kurt. Finn, noticing Blaine’s talent, insults him multiple times and tries to make him feel as if he’s not part of the team.

Moving onto Kurt. Kurt is his friend and step-brother, yet he doesn’t really treat Kurt well. He indirectly calls him a fag, tells him to tone it down with the gay stuff, doesn’t stand up for him multiple times in fear of losing his high school popularity, and is shown to be uncomfortable in a lot of normal situations with Kurt. There’s an episode where Rachel asks Finn to stand up for Kurt and Finn blatantly says he can’t do it because of his reputation. In the end, all of this is resolved by him dancing with Kurt at a wedding (where the only people attending are the Glee clubbers and family members, all of which are already accepting), which does absolutely nothing to stop the fact that Kurt is being terrorized by Karofsky.

#4. Finn Is A Hypocrite

We’ve already covered the whole cheating thing where he constantly complains about being cheated on but encourages cheating himself. Let’s talk about how he berates Rachel for not giving up the spotlight or allowing talented people to join (Sunshine), but then is threatened and mean whenever any other talented male comes in. If Rachel insults someone or tries to steal a solo she’s a horrible, annoying diva. If Finn insults another nice male with more talent than him, Finn is an insecure teen who needs to be coddled and propped up by everyone.

In season one, Finn is creeped out by Kurt’s persistent crush on him. He says something along the lines of ‘if I did that to a girl, she would take out a restraining order’. But he does do stuff like that to girls. Again, Rachel says that she is dating Jesse and he needs to respect that and Finn continues to pursue her. Quinn says that she is dating Sam and doesn’t want to cheat, but Finn won’t take no for an answer and goes on anyways.

#5. Finn’s Prejudice

I’ve already mentioned how he screamed faggy at Kurt multiple times, but let’s look more into that. When Sam comes and wants to sing a duet with Kurt, Finn immediately finds Sam to say that he can’t do a duet with another guy. Sam says that he already promised and will be doing it, but Finn argues against it and later goes to tell Kurt that he shouldn’t sing with Sam. Poor Kurt is guilted into singing alone.

Finn later calls Sue’s baby a retard, even though he knows multiple people with Down syndrome and obviously knows that word is an insult. He says this when he is an adult, not a dumb teenager.

#6. Finn’s Reputation

Everyone constantly talks about how Finn was ever so brave for being nice to the Glee Club and joining them. No one mentions how Quinn, Santana, Brittany, Puck, Mike, and Matt also joined even though they were Cheerios/football players.

Finn cares about his reputation more than anyone else. At first, he won’t admit he likes Rachel because she’s a loser. He won’t pose in the Glee photo after promising Rachel he would. He won’t stand up for Kurt. In the episode where all of the football players have to choose between football and Glee, he is the only one not to show up. He basically tells Kurt to ‘tone down the gay’ multiple times. In another episode, he goes to throw a slushie in Kurt’s face because he needs to keep his popularity.

#7. Finn Compared to Others

Now, you might be saying ‘oh, but Santana, Quinn, and Rachel did bad stuff too’.

Okay, let’s talk about Santana first. Yes, Santana insults people all of the time and is a bitch. She also gets called out on it multiple times (while basically no one ever calls Finn out on anything), and she stands up for multiple glee members. Santana tapes a recorder to her under boob to get Sebastian in trouble after hurting Blaine, threatens Karofsky in the halls when he threatens to beat up Kurt/Blaine, creates the Bullywhips to protect Kurt, blackmails Karofsky so Kurt can come back to school, and threatens Brody with a Paula Abdul song after she finds out he’s shady.

Rachel is annoying yes, but everyone never forgets to tell her this. She constantly stands up for herself and others in the club. She’s the one that comes up with the idea for the guys to threaten Karofsky. She’s the one who offers everyone singing lessons, is down to do anything to help the club, and helps Kurt multiple times with songs/auditions. She’s nice to Quinn about the pregnancy, even though both of them know Quinn would have tortured her if the roles were reversed.

Now onto Quinn. I think Quinn is kind of a bad person, but again, people tell her this to her face. No one ever really tells Finn when he’s done something wrong, they just continue to praise him over basic human decency. Multiple people have told Quinn how horrible she is, and somehow acknowledging that she’s a bitch makes it less annoying to see because we know that something will be said/happen to her. For Finn, consequences don’t exist.

#8. Santana’s Outing

Okay, I’ve seen some people say that Santana was a bitch who deserved to be outed (no one deserves that) and that Finn wasn’t trying to tell everyone, just a couple people. So, we’ll disregard that he outed her in a high school hallway in a school that was openly homophobic.

After the outing, Santana slaps Finn and later Finn uses that as blackmail to get her back into the Glee Club for a week, saying it’s either that or no competition. Lady Music Week is humiliating. It consists of everyone singing a song while making deep eye contact with Santana while she sits there uncomfortably. Santana says multiple times that she doesn’t like the idea and doesn’t want attention on her, but of course Finn doesn’t listen because he can’t take no for an answer.

Finn sings Girls Just Want to Have Fun and everyone immediately disregards the fact that he said Santana’s biggest secret in front of multiple people.

#9. No One Blames Finn For Anything

Like I’ve said above, Finn cheats, isn’t there for his friends, insults people, has jealous rage, outs Santana, and cares about his reputation over everything, and yet no one says a word to him about this. No one goes ‘hey Finn, you’re acting like an ass’.

Finn is praised the entire show for being ‘the best guy in the world’. There’s a scene where Artie thanks Finn for being his friend and basically says that it was a sacrifice for Finn to step down from his popularity for a bit to slum it with the Glee Club. Again, Quinn, Santana, Brittany, Mike, Puck, Sam, and Matt all joined even though they could’ve been popular. They receive no praise.

#10. Finn Is A Lazy Complainer

Finn spends most of high school not studying and playing video games. He’s also on the football team, but doesn’t really commit to football that much. He’s a mediocre high school student.

When college applications time comes around, Finn has the audacity to be shocked by the fact that he doesn’t get a football or theater scholarship. He spends all of season three complaining about how he’ll never get out of Lima, even though all we’ve seen from him is him plotting how to sleep with girls, whining about his reputation, and occasionally doing a decent thing. We never really see him work hard at anything.

He just complains constantly about everything and when Mr. Schue, Rachel, and Emma try to help him by giving him college pamphlets, he doesn’t even read them. He throws them out in the trash as soon as possible and then later goes on a rant about how he won’t be young forever, as if he never thought or learned about aging.

Then, in college, he’s shown to be a slacker who parties all day, drinks, and makes grilled cheeses. He even lies and manipulates college girls into taking off their tops, so hey, maybe he’s moved up a little in the world. Anyways, Puck has to come and tell him it isn’t cool to skip your classes.

Basically, Finn complained, finally got into a college, and then just slacked off again without learning anything

[scentedsongrebel]

Broken Pieces (3/3)

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader

Summary: The aftermath of the mission.

Warnings: Cursing, dad Steve, Allusions to smut but no actual smut, mentions of labor pains... Tell me if I miss any.

Word Count: 5247

A/n: Here it is my first complete series!! I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing this. The picture is some what of how I imagined the table.

SERIES MASTERLIST     MAIN MASTERLIST

Picture not mine.

PART 1    PART 2

With his hands on his waist and a scowl on his face he watches the dumb robot place the glass on the table and does something to it to fix it in place.

Max and Lana are sitting on the couch, a piece of pizza in both their hands as they eat while watching. Sam sits on the adjacent couch with both his 5 year old twin son and daughter on each of their father's leg, sipping from their tetra pack juice Steve had got for them.

"I want a Robo" Ryan whispers

"Me too!" Rachel shoots up and Sam winches as she bounces on his leg before climbing down and running towards the thing, her brother right behind her

Steve smirks as he turns to Sam who sighs

"Ask Papa, this is Uncle Tony's, Papa will know where to get you the same one" Sam says as Steve raises his eyebrows at him and Sam whispers so only Steve can hear "He doesn't cook dinner and then runs away, he sure is getting to deal with this robo thing"

"Good" Steve nods smirking "I'm completely on board"

"Dad, when is Papa gonna be home?" The children are now on Sam's feet

"Soon" he says but before he can add anything the robot makes an announcement

"Mr. Rogers, the work here is done, Mr. Stark asks me to tell you that there is no need for a spare piece of glass now. His inventions are better than you in this regard"

Steve grits his teeth and Sam barks out a laugh just as Steve picks up a pillow and throws it at the leaving robot. The pillow hits its back, having no effect as the machine goes out of the front door.

"Where did he go?" Rachel asks as she looks at the main entrance of the house from where the machine leaves

"I have no idea" Sam says, looking the same way "Shouldn't you like make sure it gets to Tony?"

"Its great enough to permanently fix the table, its great enough to get where ever its going on its own"

Sam raises his hands in surrender before he looks over at the table just as Max and Lana hop off the couch to get a look themselves.

"Wow" Max runs his hand over the glass "it looks exactly like the old one"

"I know right" Lana squeaks "Uncle Tony is the best"

Steve scowls from his place behind the children, his arms crossed as Sam looks at him, amused

"Tony always has the solution for everything doesn't he?"

Both the kids nod their heads excitedly, looking over at the table as Rachel and Ryan join them. The irritation and anger bubbling inside Steve grows. There was a time when he had just started his family with you and Tony had helped him retire and settle in this house when he had wondered why did he even disliked Tony to begin with. The thought was simple, accompanying the smile on his face as he watched Tony interact with his children.

Right now? with the blood in his vessels boiling and the rest of his body doing everything thing to calm it down, he knows exactly why he did not like the Iron Man to being with and if there was a chance, he would really like to have a “talk” with his past self for even thinking something like this. 

"Yup, Dad drives you all the way to the city and Uncle Tony is the one that gets things done"

Steve mumbles to himself and shakes his head when Max looks back and asks him what he said

"Nothing"

Max shrugs and turns back to the table before Lana sighs and turns to Steve

"Its better than our old one. Its got this beautiful shine to it"

Steve reluctantly gives his daughter a small nod as Max takes in a breath

"Its better than the old one" Max stands up and runs closer to Steve. 

"What?" Steve knits his eyebrows together trying to move a little bit back to put some distance between himself and his son. Said son seems to not understand this as he comes closer and takes hold of Steve's shoulders and shakes him vigorously

"The table is better than the last one dad!"

Steve places his hands on both of Max' shoulders and shakes him vigorously too

"I know son"

Max is shooting him a look and Steve finds himself not having anymore power to deal with all this. His anger was morphing itself into irritation and it was getting really hard to not take that irritation out on anyone in the room and so he takes a deep breath but before he can ask for more clarity on the subject Sam whispers

"Holy shit"

"Sam!"

"Sorry I mean Holy shirt" Sam looks down at his children who thankfully are invested in the design on the table to have noticed and decided to copy his mess up "Your original glass was not perfect"

"Yeah yeah" Steve growls "I know, Tony is the best. He got the perfect glass. Are we done?"

"Dad! Mom will know. She calls us crazy children because we destroy every nice thing she buys,if the table is perfect she will know something is wrong"

"So let me get this straight" Steve takes in a deep breath "You made me drive to the city, face a scary lady, deal with Tony and his big head, all for this glass and now you want to destroy it?"

"Yes!" Max nods his head just as Steve closes his eyes

"I don't think so"

"No you don't get it" Lana says as she turns to Rachel who now sits on the sofa along with her brother, watching the scene. Lana lovingly pulls out the tetra pack  out of the little girl's hand. "Can I have that Sweety, I promise to buy you two new ones tomorrow"

Rachel nods her head always wanting to do whatever her cousin sister asked of her. Lana gives her a small smile before turning towards the table

"Lana what are you-" a finger is raised to stop Steve from saying further and he finds himself out of words. What the heck?

She runs her hand through the smooth table one last time before squeezing the tetra pack to shoot out the drink on the table

Steve watches, his mouth completely open as Max claps his hands together excitedly before running towards the pizza box on the side table and picking up a piece and throwing its toppings on the table

Ryan has climbed down from his place on the couch and is copying Lana in the tetra pack emptying as Rachel runs her hands through the mess

"Wow" Sam whispers from besides Steve and Steve feels something akin to jealousy when unlike him Sam at least still has his words

"Well, might as well help" His friend smiles evily before himself sprinting towards the party

Sam picks up his daughter from the floor and stands her up on the table, holding her hands to help her balance on the slippery thing as Steve watches in shock

"Come on dad" Max calls out to his father and Steve looks at him and the others who have found other things to throw at the glass and rub on it. Lana is hitting a pillow on the thing as Max is rubbing his shoe on it, Sam holds tight to both his children as they sit on the messy thing and laugh.

A smile curves his lips as he shakes his head. If you told Steve Rogers when he woke up from ice that there would be a day where his heart won't hurt like a needle is sieving its way through, that his eyes won't shine from memories of time he belonged, that pain was something that he would seldom see. Steve would have given you an irritated look before deciding to never talk to you.

Yet here Steve Rogers was. In his house, away from the life he had left along with the memories of a different time, with the people that make his days worth waking up and children that make him wanna claw his ears out but who also make him wanna do every single thing he can just to hear the melody of their laughter.

He has a sudden urge to take you in his arms and thank you till the end of time for this heaven that you made possible for him. Maybe he will.

"Where are you going?" They've all stopped their craziness to look over at him as he steps towards the door that leads him out of the living room

"Yeah Steve come on its fun"

Steve shakes his head, looking over at all four of their dejected faces

"Gotta bring Aiden and Ana, can't let them miss on the fun can we now" there is a beat of silence after his words followed by a series of excited howls as Sam brings his phone and plays the music

When Steve is back with his other two children, the music blaring, all he can think of is how his family is crazy, how they challenge every strict resolve he tries to build up, how he would have to eventually clean this mess up himself and how he would never have it any other way.

And so he brings the tomatoes to join in on the Mission: Destroy the table again.

----------

There is a ring on the door before the jingling of keys sounds and the door is thrust open. Steve takes a defensive stance but quickly withdraws a mop of dark hair comes to his sight.

"Hey Stevie" Bucky waves as you close the door behind him and Steve scrunches his eyebrows, hesitantly waving back

"I don't know what's wrong with him" you say, shaking your head as Steve makes his way towards you, ignoring Bucky who tries to discreetly check the table out

"He's an idiot" Steve says as he wraps his arms around your waist, taking your lips in a quick kiss "How was your night Honey?"

You sigh as you pull away from Steve, sitting down on the couch to remove your high heels

"It was good. We had fun" you remove the heal off your foot by the strap and drop it down on the floor before sighing and leaning back to relax against the sofa.

"Yup, it was really fun" Bucky whistles and you turn to him in annoyance

"Correction. It was fun until he showed up. I have no idea why?"

"Hey!" Bucky looks at you offended "I was there to enhance the fun"

You just roll your eyes and turn to Steve, massaging your forehead

"I would have been home quicker but he kept insisting on proving he could drink as many shots as he likes without getting drunk. Even though no one challenged him and we knew he could. Nat had to produce her knife to stop him from saying any further"

"Then he made me go from one shop to the other in search of caramel flavor ice cream. Mind you not butterscotch. Caramel" You sigh "Because Rachel only likes Caramel even though I told him its Butterscotch"

"Rachel calls it caramel" Bucky defends himself "You have no idea the tantrum I have to face if I being the wrong one home"

"She's your daughter alright" Steve comments and Bucky glares at him

"We did find caramel though" Bucky says, crossing his arms

"Yes from that fucking hotel in the city" you turn to Steve "We were here, 5 minutes out when he turned the car and went towards the city again even though I begged him to drop me home"

"Hey! I just remembered where we get the caramel ice cream from" Bucky shrugs "I don't like going home empty handed when I stay away late at night"

"No one asked you to stay away" you grit your teeth and Bucky rolls his eyes

"I had other things to do in the city, just got in the bar for a quick drink when I saw you guys. You are not that important" He says "And you should be thankful to me for driving you home"

"I could have taken a cab" You grit your teeth "Way better than your stupid, stinky car"

Bucky takes a deep breath trying to say something

"Where are my babies?" you interrupt before Bucky can say anything

"Asleep" Steve turns back to you

"I really wanted to kiss them goodnight before they went to bed" you sigh "but someone made me late"

Bucky looks away as you turn to glare at him before going towards the sofa and sitting on it, analyzing the table.

"Wow this is beautiful" Bucky says as he moves his hand over the glass and Steve's eyes widen in fear. What the hell was Bucky even doing.

"Yeah" you give him a small smile before looking at him suspiciously "Why?"

You move ahead to have a look at said table yourself

"Nothing" Bucky shrugs "Just realized its good, that's all"

Experience warns there is more to the sudden fascination to a piece of furniture by a man who claims he does not care for this stuff but exhaustion pleads to let it go for now.

And so exhaustion does win as you look around

"Max and Lana in their rooms?"

"Yeah" Steve nods his head "Gone to sleep"

Your eyebrows knit together again in confusion as to turn to Steve

"Its summer" you say and Bucky snorts

"Yes and this couch is black"

You shake your head in annoyance, ignoring the idiot intent on testing every bound of your self control

"The older kids do not sleep so early in summer, its what" you look at the clock "1 am?"

Steve internally groans

"They were tired"

You look at him suspiciously but again exhaustion wins and you nod your head, heading towards the rooms

"I'm just gonna check up on the kids" You say as you exit the room

"Okay honey" Steve waves and watches you leave and when he is sure you are out of range he moves towards Bucky and punches his shoulder.

"What the fuck?" Bucky groans, massaging the injured area

Steve shakes his head deciding not to chastise is friend for the language right now

"What was that?" He asks annoyed "Why did you pull her attention towards the table?"

"The suspense was killing me" Bucky whispers back and Steve is left wondering if Bucky coming back in his life really is a good thing

-----------------

The screeching of the door is followed Steve entering the room from the en-suite bathroom after having brushed his teeth. He pulls off his shirt, discarding it into the laundry basket and moving towards his bed.

You already lie there, on top of the blanket, not having made the effort to get inside the covers after having changed into your sleeping shorts and one of Steve's shirts. Your hand is thrown to cover your eyes from even the dim light that encompasses the room.

Steve smiles as he makes his way to your side of the bed, helping you hoist up and get inside the sheets before he jumps in from above you and you let out a laugh.

"You could have hurt me" you tease

"I will die before I hurt you" He says and you roll your eyes

"Drama queen" you lightly hit his hand "I seem to remember the immense pain I was in when Aiden was born"

"Yeah and your pregnancy pain is my fault" Steve rolls his eyes smiling

"Of course it is" You shift to face him while lying down and he copies your action "Were you not listening when I was telling this to you in the delivery room"

"You mean screaming?"

"Same thing baby" you shrug and Steve laughs before bringing his hand to your cheek.

"Well that is the only pain I will inflict on you"

You shake your head fondly and give him a small smile before placing a soft kiss on his mouth

"You seem eerily sober for a woman who just had girl' night"

"I'm tipsy, I guess" you shrug "couldn't drink too much"

"Why?" Steve asks furrowing his eyebrows

"Because I'm not ready to have a hangover when I have four kids intent on wrecking havoc around our house"

Steve frowns "I would have taken care of them"

"I know" You smile and place a hand on his cheek "How did it go today? Everything gone smoothly"

You ask and Steve feels his heart quicken his pace but he tries his best to keep his face even as he nods at you

"Nothing happened?" You ask and he shakes his head

"If by happened you mean we had so much fun so a lot happened" he says and quickly scolds himself internally. What the hell Steve?

"Nothing at all?" You look at him suspiciously and he shakes his head

"Oh come on" he laughs, a laugh that is so so fake that it could qualify for a cry. His heart beats fast and he is quickly reminded how he is physically incapable of lying to you "What could have possibly happened?”

"I don't know" You shrug "Maybe the fan was unhinged from the ceiling, maybe the kitchen was flooded"

You list off and Steve just rolls his eyes, internally sighing in relief. For a moment there he really was scared.

"Maybe the window of the living room was broken" Steve feels his eyes widen which he quickly controls but it is enough for your sharp spy eyes.

Steve tries to play it off like he did with your other comments but doesn't realize how that would not be possible after you say

"Maybe the glass of my beautiful center table was broken"

That had him and he furrows his brows, looking at you intently and the moment he catches the shine in your eyes, he quickly gets up from his position

"Wha-What?"

You sigh before getting up yourself to cross your legs on the bed, facing Steve. You move your hand to run your index finger along his cheeks. His eyes follow the motion

"Maybe the kids spilled water on it and broke the glass while cleaning it off" You smile and Steve suddenly chokes on his own spit

"How-How do you" he stammers and you smile fondly shaking your head

"Oh my Stevie" you move to sit on his lap and straddle your legs on either side of him as you face him "You really thought you could hide it from me?"

"How do you even?" he asks, moving a string of your hair and had fallen on your cheek to behind your ear

"I noticed the window had newspaper covering rather then the glass" you say as you blop his nose affectionately "Then I pieced it together with Bucky crashing my girl's night. I thought he got there because you were dealing with the broken glass"

He laughs at that and moves his hands around your waist to pull you closer

"God" he shakes his head fondly "That's why you should never marry a spy"

You playfully punch his shoulder as he laughs but a thought comes to mind which makes him pause his laughter

"Wait a minute" he says, holding out his finger in front of your face "How do you know about the table"

You smile again shaking your head

"Never reveal all your secrets"

"Come on" he whines, tightening his hold on your waist "I thought the new glass really looked like the old one"

"Oh yeah it does" you say "would have never even found out"

"Then how"

"I have little spies around the house"

Steve raises his eye brows at you before laughing out

"I should have known" he shakes his head "Which one?"

"Well when I went to check up on the kids after I got home, Ana was dead asleep and I kissed her forehead and left, I could tell Lana and Max were pretending to sleep but I was not in the mood to confront. Then when I went to Aiden's room and kissed his forehead he turned to me and started talking about how scared he was after the table broke and how upset his older sister was"

"Of course he did that Mama’s boy" Steve sighs "I forgot to tell him to not say anything to you"

"And you think he would have kept quiet?"

"Well at least you would have found out after like 2-3 days, not the moment you got here. You know how hard it was to get this new glass"

"That is what you get for plotting an elaborate scheme against me"

"Elaborate scheme" he uses his fingers to make the double quotes sigh "The kids didn't want to hurt your feelings"

"Really?" You tease, moving your dace closer to him and kissing his cheek "It had nothing to do with the fact that I had warned you against putting that table up by yourself"

"I hate you" he mumbles and you place a soft kiss right on the spot on his neck you know would give the desired result. And you are proven right as he groans and takes hold of your hands

"I love you too" You give him a wide, cheeky smile, showing all your teeth

"I have no idea why I put up with you"

"Its because I am awesome" You press a small wet kiss on his chest and he groans "And because I do this"

A small content smile takes over his face as your hands roam his body before your hand that is pulling on the waistband of his sweats pinches hard on his waist and he lets out a scream

"What the fuck?"

"Language Captain"

He stares at you wide eyed, open mouthed and you let out a laugh

"Aiden also told me about the impromptu party you guys had without me" you mock glare at him

"We were re- destroying the table" he massages the area you pinched

"I know that. And you woke up my babies to do it"

"You know I wouldn't leave any of my children behind"

You sigh, smiling at him

"You are a good father Steve” you pat his chest lightly “Are kids are so lucky to have you”

A little, involuntary curve takes over his lips as he softly kisses his wife. He pretends to ignore the shine of your eyes and the little shakiness in your voice just as you ignore his.

“I just wanted to do something for them” Steve whispers as he pulls you into a hug “So they could trust me to help them when they have other, more significant problems”

You pull away from him and place your hand on his cheek 

“I know sometimes  it feels like they don’t especially during one of those tantrums but those children love you dearly and it doesn’t even make me feel bad that I know you are the one they are gonna come to if they really are in trouble in life”

Steve gives you a small smile and shakes his head 

“But they will always love their mom more” He says, trying to lighten the atmosphere of the room and saying what he knows is the truth

“That is so true” you tease and then giggle and try to move away when he tries to tickle you “Stop stop, I have something to tell you”

He keeps ticking you, now placing you on your back and climbing up on you, continuing his tickle attack

“STOP, SORRY SORRY” You scream and he shakes his head through his laughs

“I like to hear the sound of your laughter” he says and keeps tickling you as you try to squirm away

“I’m pregnant” You scream and suddenly the tickles fade away as Steve stares at you, his eyes wide. Shock paints every inch of his handsome face and you give him a small, hesitant smile

“I went to the hospital today before meeting Nat and Wanda, that is why I did not get drunk” you say hesitantly “I know we did not talk about another one but I-I well I- you know-’

Your lips are stopped from producing any more words as Steve’s mouth claims your in an intense, passionate kiss. His hands roam your body before finally coming to rest behind your neck

“oh my god” he whispers before he pecks your lips again “This for real?” he asks and you nod your head “I love you. Thank you for this”

He sits up and places his hand on your not yet showing stomach and keeps his eyes fixated there

“Thank you” he whispers and you smile as a tear falls down his left eye

‘You should be saying sorry” you tease and he looks at you, his eyebrows knit together “I’m gonna be in pain because of you again”

“Good pain” he laughs and you narrow your eyes at him

“Its definitely not good”

“Then let me make it better” he whispers, his eyes dark as he moves closer to you “Let me thank you properly for this wonderful surprise my baby mama”

You close your eyes as his lips press against yours and moan through the kiss. Your hands roam his bare back, appreciating his sculpture before your hand takes hold of the waist band of his sweats but before you can yank it down, Steve suddenly pulls away, his eyes wide and you look at him with your eyebrows knitted together

“If its a girl, I’m keeping her and Ana away from you and Alanah” Steve says “I don’t think I can handle anymore mini you’s”

You laugh as he looks at you in all seriousness.

----------------------

The strong aroma of sugar and eggs and the little smoke coming out of the kitchen causes him to knit his eyebrows in confusion.

Steve had just left your sleeping self in the bed for some much needed extra sleep and had gone down stairs to cook for the children he knew would be awake any second and maybe make you breakfast in bed too.

After the news he just got, you would be getting a lot of these breakfasts in bed.

A flutter runs down his body at the thought of his unborn baby and a new addition to his already crazy family. The new kid had no idea what's coming for them.

"Good morning Dad!" Max greets him as he enters the kitchen, flipping his omelette

"What are you doing?" He asks looking around the table to find Lana and Aiden sitting on their respective chairs on the dinning table and Ana sitting on the table itself.

Aiden is eating his pancake and Lana is eating hers and feeding some to Ana.

"Making breakfast" Max shrugs, bringing a plate and emptying the pan in a plate before the bread in the toaster pops up and he places it on the plate

Steve watches dumbfounded as all his children nonchalantly eat their breakfast as if it were a normal occurrence for their older brother to cook for them

"Here dad" Max places the plate of scrambled eggs in front of Steve's usual chair on the dining table

Steve stares at the thing before looking up at his son in complete bewilderment

Max rolls his eyes as he goes back to cook himself a plate of pancakes

"I can cook you know"

"But why are you?" Steve now picks up his plate and moves towards the stove, standing besides Max and watching his son pour pancake batter on the pan. A swell of pride blooms within himself as he watches the scene

"I just-" Max looks at Steve before looking back down at the stove "I well, I just wanted to say thank you"

Steve feels a little tug at his heart

"What for?"

"You just-" Max flips the pancake on the stove, still not making eye contact "I just- I know how hard it must have been for you and I don't know I just-. You lied to Mom for us and went to Uncle Tony even though he may have made fun of you and I just- Thank you for being my Dad"

He says at last shrugging his shoulders and trying to blink back the tears that Steve knows are forming in his eyes.

Steve rounds his arm around Max' shoulder and shakes his head

"Thank you for being my son" Steve whispers so only Max can hear "And I've always got your back"

Max turns his head to look over at Steve. Strands of the young boy’s hair fall on his forehead as his eyes shine and his lower lip trembles

"Even when the thing is fixing a broken table that your mother won't have even been very angry about because I know its important to you"

"I love you Dad"

"I love you more son" he gives Max a small side-ways hug and takes a bite of his eggs "This is amazing"

"Thank you"

"You guys having a party without me?"

"Mamamamam" Ana squeaks bouncing on the table and stretching her arms towards you so you can pick her up. You step in the kitchen and pick your daughter

"Am I not getting any pan cakes?" You ask the little girl, tickling her tummy as you kiss Aiden on the forehead who gives you a teethe smile. Ana lets out loud laughs and you kiss Lana on the forehead too

"Good morning Mom"

"Good morning"

Max places a plate of pan cakes with strawberries in front of you

"Oh wow, You made these honey?"

Max nods his head, smiling and you grin at him

"Don't" he warns but you still reach him and ruffle his hair as Ana laughs in your arm

"My little boy is growing up so fast, Stevie make it stop"

Steve laughs as Max whines when you pull his cheeks

"Moooooom"

"He has started having facial hair Stevie" you gasp and Max pulls away from you. Running his hand through his chin where few hair have started growing

"Why do you always have to do this?"

"Can't I even mourn the fact that my baby does not even need me to feed him anymore, now he had decided to cook breakfast for everyone"

Max rolls his eyes "Its a one time thing"

"We'll see" you tease and take a seat on the table besides Lana and give her a small smile, eating your pancakes yourself and feeding some to your daughter on your lap

When Max is done cooking for himself and has put on his stack of pancakes what seems like all the chocolate syrup in the house, he settles down and starts eating

He shoots Steve a small smile and Steve’s heart is full. 

You look over at Steve knowingly and he smiles back at you.

Life cannot get any better. With his family eating breakfast together, laughing, teasing, just just being themselves. He looks over at you and then at your stomach that is cut from his vision because of his younger daughter on your lap and suddenly he just can’t wait for his new child to come along and join their siblings in making Steve question every single resolve in his life.

THE END

Tags: @maravderofthephoenix​

[angelhummel]

I made lists of my fave songs of each episode, so now I’m gonna do one big list of my least favorite songs per each episode. Just for me

Pilot - Can’t Fight This Feeling (out of the songs actually listed as songs)

Showmance - Take A Bow

Acafellas - I Wanna Sex You Up

Preggers - n/a

The Rhodes Not Taken - Last Name

Vitamin D - Halo/Walking On Sunshine

Throwdown - No Air (the second crustiest number they ever did)

Mash Up - Thong Song, but also all of them

Wheels - Proud Mary

Ballad - Lean On Me

Hairography - Imagine

Mattress - Jump

Sectionals - You Can’t Always Get What You Want

Hello - Highway To Hell

The Power Of Madonna - What It Feels Like For A Girl

Home - Beautiful

Bad Reputation - Ice Ice Baby

Laryngitis - One

Dream On - Dream A Little Dream

Theatricality - Beth

Funk - Another One Bites The Dust

Journey To Regionals - Bohemian Rhapsody (is it obvious I don’t like Jesse??)

~~~~~

Audition - Billionaire

Britney/Brittany - The Only Exception

Grilled Cheesus - Only The Good Die Young

Duets - Don’t Go Breaking My Heart

The Rocky Horror Glee Show - There’s A Light (Over At The Frankenstein Place)

Never Been Kissed - One Love

The Substitute - Make Em Laugh

Furt - Ohio

Special Education - Hey Soul Sister

A Very Glee Christmas - Welcome Christmas

The Sue Sylvester Shuffle - Need You Now

Silly Love Songs - Firework

Comeback - I Know What Boys Like (but none of these are good)

Blame It On The Alcohol - My Headband

Sexy - Kiss

Original Song - Only Child

A Night Of Neglect - Turning Tables

Born This Way - I’ve Gotta Be Me

Rumors - I Don’t Want To Know

Prom Queen - Rolling In The Deep

Funeral - Pure Imagination (but all the songs are good)

New York - I Love New York/New York, New York

Purple Piano Project - It’s Not Unusual (but I like all these songs)

I Am Unicorn - Somewhere

Asian F - Out Here On My Own

Pot O Gold - Being Green

The First Time - One Hand, One Heart

Mash Off - You And I/You And I

I Kissed A Girl - Girls Just Want To Have Fun (the first crustiest number they ever did)

Hold On To Sixteen - Red Solo Cup

Extraordinary Merry Christmas - Blue Christmas

Yes/No - Wedding Bell Blues (it’s cute but...)

Michael - Ben

The Spanish Teacher - A Little Less Conversation

Heart - Let Me Love You

On My Way - Fly/I Believe I Can Fly

Big Brother - Somebody That I Used To Know

Saturday Night Gleever - How Deep Is Your Love

Dance With Somebody - Saving All My Love For You

Choke - Cry

Promasaurus - Big Girls Don’t Cry

Props - I Won’t Give Up (Rachel just shut up already omg)

Nationals - We Are The Champions 

Goodbye - Roots Before Branches

The New Rachel - Never Say Never

Britney 2.0 - Gimme More

Makeover - Celebrity Skin

The Break Up - Give Your Heart A Break

The Role You Were Born To Play - Born To Hand Jive

Glease - You’re The One That I Want

Dynamic Duets - Superman

Thanksgiving - Whistle (surprise!) 

Swan Song - Being Good Isn’t Good Enough

Glee Actually - Feliz Navidad

Sadie Hawkins - Baby Got Back :/

Naked - Let Me Love you

Diva - Make No Mistake She’s Mine

I Do - You’re All I Need To Get By

Girls (And Boys) On Film - In Your Eyes

Feud - I Still Believe/Superbass (but it’s still hilarious)

Guilty Pleasures - Creep

Shooting Star - More Than Words

Sweet Dreams - Literally just pick any of them

Lights Out - Everybody Hurts

Wonderful - Uptight

All Or Nothing - To Love You More

Love Love Love - Drive My Car

Tina In The Sky With Diamonds - Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band

The Quarterback - No Surrender

A Katy Or A Gaga - Wide Awake

The End Of Twerk - You Are Woman, I Am Man (again, surprise)

Movin Out - Honesty? I really don’t remember any of them except 1

Puppet Master - The Fox

Previously Unaired Christmas - Love Child

Frenemies - Whenever I Call You A Friend

Trio - Danny’s Song

City Of Angels - I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

100 - Happy

New Directions - Don’t Stop Believin

New New York - Best Day Of My Life

Bash - You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman

Tested - I Want To Know What Love Is

Opening Night - NYC

The Back Up Plan - The Rose

Old Dog New Tricks - Memory

The Untitled Rachel Berry Project - Glitter In The Air

Loser Like Me - Uninvited, Sing, Dance The Night Away

Homecoming - Problem (but I don’t hate any of these songs)

Jagged Little Tapestry - So Far Away

The Hurt Locker p1 - All of them

The Hurt Locker p2 - Also all of them

What The World Needs Now - I’ll Never Fall In Love Again

Transitioning - Same Love

A Wedding - Hey Ya. So fucking dumb

Child Star - Break Free

The Rise And Fall Of Sue Sylvester - The Trolley Song (every other song feels like a waste of time but this one takes the cake)

We Built This Glee Club - Listen To Your Heart

2009 - I’m His Child

Dreams Come True - Teach Your Children

[antihero-writings]

His Butler Cemetery, Chapter 3: The Problem of the Nights

Fandom: Black Butler | Kuroshitsuji (manga)

Fic Summary: Four visits to the cemetery, each growing in emotional intensity, and spanning backwards in time. (Spoilers for the manga!!)

(I'll put the links to chapters 1 & 2 in a reblog!!)

Chapter Summary: “Young Master, Edward. If something you held most dear suddenly shattered one day...What would you do?"

"Dear, God. What a terrible ordeal you've tasked my sister with...."

Character Focus: Edward and Lizzie Midford

Notes: Eyyy remember this fic? The one I planned to finish in October 2018? Hehe...Yeah...

I never forgot about this fic... life just kinda got in the way and I moved on to other things. I have so many fics on my computer that I just can't seem to figure out how to finish, and this chapter was one of them. Lately I've been trying to go through some of them and either just slap an ending on them, or split them into multiple chapters so it's more manageable, haha. So I just picked a way to end it, even if I'm not entirely satisfied XD

I actually really really like Edward as a character, and was kind of inspired by the quote above to write this. I was excited to write for him for this fic, and really really liked this chapter, so I couldn't go without posting it at some point!!I hope people still like it, even though it's been so long...I'd deeply appreciate it if you could leave a comment to let me know!!

By the way, I am NOT caught up on the manga, so please don't spoil anything from the recent chapters for me!!

Chapter 3, the Problem of the Nights:

Edward never could win against her.

Father would laugh and say that the Midford women had always been strong, and it was no cause for shame.

Still, there’s something particularly humiliating about getting your ass kicked by a cute little girl….Especially when she’s your younger sister.

The world would coo over her: her pretty shoes, her curly blonde hair, her frilly dresses, and sigh in awe that someone so cute could be so skilled with the sword.

And, if he was perfectly honest, she was incredible. He would never deny that, never say the praise was undeserved. Often he was her biggest fan, her loudest cheerleader, and if anyone dare lay a finger on her, or say a single syllable of slander, they’d certainly have a sword to answer to.

And, he supposed, her proficiency was good for him too, in a way, because it pushed him to work harder.

But no matter how many days he spent waking up early to wave his sword at empty air, no matter how much mastery he had compared to his classmates, he could never catch up to her. Sometimes it felt like the race was rigged, and he wasn’t moving at all.

He applauded her, admired her.

But sometimes he would throw his sword into the wall and demand that it listen to him. That he, a thirteen-year-old boy could and should be better at swordplay, than a ten-year-old girl who decorated her world in pink plushies and bonnets.

When the other nobles chatted with Lizzie, and about Lizzie, and then turned to him to ask what he’d been doing, sure he had a story to top hers…

Sometimes he would hold his head high and boast of his accomplishments, and Lizzie would have only the loftiest of compliments to add.

But other times that question would ring through his head, and his tongue would fall limp in his mouth.

Because no matter how much he’d done, if he was the top of his class, he could never triumph Lizzie.

What have I done lately? Not much compared to Lizzie.

Mother was not the kind of person who would answer for you; unlike most mothers she wouldn’t boast of her children smallest accomplishments. In fact, in even their greatest endeavors she could find “room for improvement.” He wasn’t complaining: this too was a good thing; he would never be where he was now without that.

But sometimes he just wished she would just wrap her arms around him and say that she was proud of him.

There was Father at least, who was the softie of the family. Who would clap him on the back and tell Francis not to be so hard on him, that he’d done more than well. His eyes would shine as he promised he was a champion in his own right, as well as his eyes. And that helped. Still…

Still, he didn’t feel like much.

It wasn’t that he was bad at things, or dumb. He was quite smart, good at school, but he didn’t…excel.

The thing about Lizzie is that there were only a few things she practiced, but she excelled at them.

Jack of all trades, master of none, so they say.

And no one notices you unless you’re very good at something, or very bad at it.

So he faded into the background. Lizzie’s cheerleader. His parents’ son. And he told himself he was alright with that.

Beneath all those intermingling feelings of pride and jealousy was a question:

How could such a small girl hold so much fight inside her? How could those gentle eyes hold so much fire?

It didn’t make sense. She was supposed to be sweet, and gentle, and soft. So what was it that drove her to get the gold when he could only ever snag second place?

He got his answer when he met Ciel.

The twin boys, one of whom she was destined to marry—some day, after they had learned how to be gentlemen in a world of men who weren’t gentle.

Well he couldn’t approve of that without meeting him first.

The twins were…so small. Smaller even than Lizzie. Big blue eyes like stormy days.

One marched up to him and demanded who he was, and what he was doing there, and that his name was Ciel, and he was to be the Earl some day. The other, hid behind his father’s pant leg, and muttered his greeting from afar. And when Mother scolded Mr. Phantomhive to keep them in line, and comb their hair properly, even the bolder one shirked into the shadows.

He finally understood what Lizzie had that he didn’t:

Something to protect.

When he took up the sword, it was for the sake of the sword itself, and a name.

When she took it up, she did so for something more than the trade, the passed-down-name, the skill. The sword was a means, not an end. There was something—someone—she loved, or was learning to at least, and if that person were ever threatened, she didn’t want to stand on the sidelines and cry. She wanted to stand between him and danger and do everything in her power to keep the hurt at bay.

She didn’t care about being well-versed in the sword: she just cared about protecting him. The sword was simply how she’d do that. And, well, the irony of being something is that you’ll only be good at it when you’re looking beyond it.

And it was that, that passion, that idea that there was something beyond, that this was all in preparation for a war against anything that stood to harm him, that was why she excelled. Because he didn’t have anything calling him to it, besides the fact that the Midford’s had always been good at it. As long as he didn’t have a reason for it within himself, he would never excel.

So, from then on, he never complained, silently or aloud. From then on he was nothing more than her firmest supporter, and when people asked what he had done lately, expecting his story to top hers, he could be okay that he would never be better than her at some things.

And then, one snowy December, when they were putting their finishing touches on their Christmas tree, and competing to make the best cookies, someone arrived at their door to tell them they found Mr. and Mrs. Phantomhive in a pool of their own blood…and the twins…they didn’t find.

She didn’t cry. She didn’t immediately burst into a thousand shards of glass like he would have expected.

He would have liked it better that way. Because he could deal with that. Because he could do something, he could run up to her, hug her, kiss her, comfort her. Be the big brother.

No, the Midford women had always been strong, and she was no exception. She didn’t fall to pieces. She went into her room, put on a black dress and bonnet—(as was proper). And she went to the funeral, as all good little noblegirls should.

And all throughout the service, as they lay Rachel and Vincent to rest, beside two little graves they all knew were empty, as the vicar read from a Bible a passage about sheep, and finding your way home, he kept glancing at her, kept waiting to see the tears to stream down her face, for her to fall to her knees.

Her eyes were big, and blank, and full of almost-to-the-surface tears, yet she was sugar and spice and everything nice; the picture of an English noblewoman.

She went about her day, whole, composed, proper. And no one could have guessed that grief wasn’t another thing she excelled at.

But he’d never quite forget that night. The sound he heard, even through the passing years.

That night, after the funeral, after mother sent her off to bed with a few proud words, and father kissed her one to many times, after Edward grabbed her hand and asked “Are you sure you’re okay?” After she said “Yes, I’ll be fine.”—

He woke up to the sound of screaming.

He shot up in bed, wondering if he’d dreamed it, heart yammering, breath burning. He didn’t bother to light a candle, just stumbled out of bed, and ran down the halls, calling her name.

When he reached her room, she was sitting on the floor beside her bed in her little white nightdress, and tear tracks staining her face; in pieces. A perfect gold stain on the world.

She reached her hands weakly out to him as he knelt down before her, and wrapped her arms so tight around him that he thought she might break him too…and she cried into his nightshirt until she stained it. But he didn’t care.

Many little girls run to their parents in this situation. But he knew, if she had gone to their parents, mother would have told her there was no use crying, they weren’t coming back, and father would have doted on her, and she wanted neither…or rather, something in between. So she came to him.

This wasn’t the last time.

During the day she would go about her life as normal.

But every night she woke up. It was always somewhere between 14:00 and 16:00 he heard her screaming, calling the name of the sky. Either that, or he would hear a faint knock on his door, and see the face of a broken little girl in need of her big brother.

It became muscle memory for Edward to comfort her. To throw off his covers and run to his sister’s room, or he would pat the blankets beside him to say come here, and either way he’d wrap his arms around her tight, as if trying to wring the tears out of her, and she would sob until they burned rivers in his skin. He would brush his hands through her golden hair, whispering things in her ear like shh, and it’ll be okay, and singing old lullabies, all the while knowing knowing the quiet would come. And he would pray. Pray that things would be okay. Pray that the one who created the universe would grant some solace to this sweet little sheep.

He would pray, and the next day, with tears barely barred from his own cheeks, he would kick the wall, and demand why and how a merciful God could do this to someone like her. Why he would take good people from the world.

—(He would pray, and he thought one day he heard Him say They aren’t yours to keep.)—

Sometimes she asked if they could go to the cemetery in the morning. They would dress in their finest blacks, looking like ink blots on the world, onyx with gold filigree in the cracks. She would carry bouquets of flowers, the petals sifting off in the wind, and add them to those there, left by the miscellaneous others who cared for them…And she wouldn’t cry then, no. She wouldn’t cry until it was past the witching hour.

She didn’t give up. Didn’t stop living. For all intents and purposes she was the same as she’d always been…but something was missing when they crossed blades.

She woke up less and less as time went by. Eventually her visits to his room were stray nights in the grand scheme of things, and she didn’t cry so hard. Sometimes she’d just sit with him, or ask to play chess, or chat with him till the morning came.

And then one day, after the grief didn’t burn so badly in her chest—

Her fiancé came back without an eye, and with a pitch black butler.

He didn’t talk about what he’d gone through, or how he’d come back. He didn’t speak of that day his parents died. He didn’t mention how his brother died—he didn’t mention much of his brother at all.

He wasn’t that brazen, bold, grinning child they knew before. He was dark, and serious…and he never smiled.

And Edward was glad to have him back…yet from the start he couldn’t help but feel…uneasy. Like something was wrong. Something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. There were too many questions, too many gaps in information, and the darkness that seemed to flock to this boy now didn’t help.

And Edward, though Lizzie’s fire was only stronger since he came back, her skill even more unmatchable, was at last able to get a few good hits in sometimes.

He couldn’t believe he never saw it before, his reason beyond the sword, the task of carrying on a name... it was there from the beginning.

He knew who it was he had to protect.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Why don’t you like Life is Strange?

Oof, there’s a question. 

I have a lot of issues with Life is Strange and those who watched my streams of this game know all about it, but for the rest of you, allow me to explain.

I played Life is Strange back when the episodes were still coming out, back in 2015, and I was into it. I wasn’t nearly as into it as I am into twdg, but I enjoyed it enough to watch videos on youtube and look at the tag on here. I had a lot of the same issues that I have today, but I was more forgiving, I guess. 

However, then the final episode came out and I’m pretty sure that it was so bad that I blacked out. And that was that until when I streamed the game again as an older CJ and.... eh. 

My #1 problem: Chloe Price. 

The damn deuteragonist of the game. 

Can’t stand her. I’m sorry, I know so many people apparently love her and will be completely offended that I dare speak ill of their blue-haired steampunk, but I can’t see it. 

She’s terrible. She’s horrible. She is the worst “best friend” character. She ruins the entire game for me. Is that harsh? Yes, but it’s my honest opinion. 

She’s manipulative, irresponsible, selfish, reckless, disrespectful, resentful, self-entitled, arrogant, inconsiderate, unwilling to improve, clingy, whiny, and so many more bullshit adjectives that it hurts my brain. 

But apparently, I’m supposed to forgive ALL those negative qualities and care about her because 1. She and Max are besties... apparently. 2. She’s had a hard life so it’s not her fault. 3. Punk baby did nothing wrong

I just... nope. Can’t. Tragic backstory doesn’t excuse being an idiot with guns, getting mad at Max for answering a phone call from her suicidal friend, guilt-tripping Max into fucking around with guns even though she literally just passed out with a bleeding nose, then once again guilt-trapping Max for NOT attempting to murder her drug dealer, getting pissed off for not agreeing with her on anything, stealing from the handicap fund so that she can pay her drug dealer, then being pissed off when Max doesn’t want to, never taking responsibility for anything because “gotta blame somebody, otherwise it’s all my fault. Fuck that.”, is so obsessed with getting Rachel back that she murders Frank and his dog which forces Max to ONCE AGAIN fix this mistake, she’s never truly thankful that Max goes through all this bullshit to keep her alive and constantly being an idiot who won’t listen to Max and I just-

...I just can’t with this dingus. 

I never saw the appeal to Chloe, even back in 2015.

Though back then I blamed it on the fact that I too had blue hair and that made me associated with her and I was always like fuck that.

Oh, and don’t even get me started on Before the Storm Chloe, we’re not gonna go there.

Like, look... as I said before, there are a lot of people who love Chloe, who adore Chloe because they enjoy how flawed she is and love her design and will always choose the bae ending because they feel she deserves it. They would read this and be like “well, actually you fucking idiot-” and that’s fine. 

Know that this isn’t an attack on you. You can love her all you want, but I still can’t stand her. My opinion, y’know? I’m simply answering anon’s question. 

It just boggles my mind... Chloe doesn’t change until the last ten minutes of the game and for the life of me, I can’t think of a single redeeming quality with Chloe. And honestly, if Max didn’t have her time powers but Chloe still didn’t die within the bathroom and they met up, their friendship would’ve fallen apart within the week. 

And yes, I know. She lost her dad, she’s gotta deal with David, her angel Rachel is missing, she’s angsty, teenage rebellion- yep, that explains her terrible behaviors but it doesn’t excuse it. 

I’m sorry, but Chloe makes me mad and is the #1 reason I’ll probably never play Life is Strange ever again. 

If you’ve been here awhile, you’ve heard me talk about how worried I was that Violet would end up being a Chloe clone because of the minor similarities they share such as “lesbian with abandonment issues and still mourning the loss of a girlfriend who seemed too good to be true” but BOY OH BOY

Chloe fucking wishes she was as amazing as Violet. Violet is far superior to Chloe and I know I give the writers and devs of tfs a lot of shit for certain things but I will always be thankful that they didn’t make Violet into a Chloe clone. 

UGH.

...Anyway, other reasons why I don’t particularly love Life is Strange-

The ending is a let down

 the final choice isn’t really a choice

that fucking nightmare sequence?? that I blacked out?? 

Jefferson as the big secret baddie is... well, dumb, I guess.

Also rich boy doesn’t have any other purpose other than to be a red herring then die. also that voice mail?? fantastic. good job. way to do something with your main antagonist. 

not enough Kate

not enough Mouth

dialogue is hella cringe but that can also be a good thing if you’re in the right mood soo...

Victoria is the worst

But yeah... 

Honestly, if I were in the right mood, I could write an entire essay on why Life is Strange is somehow a win and a failure as a game because, despite what you may think after reading this, I don’t hate everything about this game. 

I really like the time travel mechanics, I really liked Kate as a character and wished we could’ve focused more on her outside of ep2, the drugged girls in the darkroom is a legitimately creepy storyline that got botched, and Max is likable for the most part. 

Again, the only time I can’t agree with Max is when she obsesses over Chloe but no need to beat the horse- it’s dead. 

There’s your long answer as to why I don’t like Life is Strange, anon. 

[artificialqueens]

Hot as hell and no A/C, Chapter 1 (Branjie) - Blackhighheels

Read at AO3

When a new dance teacher comes to “the friendly community” in the middle of nowhere, he doesn’t expect to run into a cute blonde local, who always helps out his deeply religious family and might just be…. gay. And really deep in the closet.

AN:

Please not that while this is a romance, the topics of religion, (internalized) homophobia, depression and stereo types will be heavily featured in this story. If these trigger you in any way, then please don’t read!

Thanks to all the different people who gave me input in the first chapter and helped me out!

Chapter 1

”Shit, Thacks, look! We so far out in the middle of fucking nowhere, not even the ad signs get used.” Jose says to his cat, who is lying in the passenger’s seat looking up at him with a bored expression before he simply goes back to sleep.

They had left Los Angeles nearly two days ago and have been on the road ever since. They both like it that way and Jose takes the car, and the cat, wherever he can. Even if it’s the middle of bum-fuck nowhere, Texas. For the last three hours he’s driven through vast stretches of absolutely nothing. Even the desert between LA and Vegas might be more populated than this never ending green emptiness.

He’s close, though. There are houses now, farms, the orchards. Pick-up trucks pass him from time to time. There are horses out on the paddocks, cows out grazing, dogs running around and kids chasing after them.

‘Welcome to the friendly community’ Jose reads, as he passes the sign that tells him he’s finally reached his destination. There’s also something on it about a corn festival, but he’d rather not think about that too much.

The one street through town leads him past a liquor store, a gas station, a couple of derelict buildings of which one of them might be an open bar. Another gas station follows after a car shop, silos and what looks like a small grocery store. Then there’s only silos and farms and nothingness again. Fuck, he must have driven past it.

Once the tractor behind him has passed, he turns the car around and drives back. After he passes the welcome sign again, he realises he has no fucking clue where he is supposed to go. Navigation had stopped working about fifty miles back.

”This is some fucked up shit, Thacks. I can’t even find the motherfucking studio.” Thackery just yawns and gives a pointed look to his cellphone. ”You right, I’m a dumb ho. I should just call Jason before these howdy motherfuckers shoot my gay ass.”

He dials and it takes forever until his friend picks up his phone. It feels even longer because cars that pass him start honking and the children playing on the other side of the road eye him suspiciously. He is painfully aware that his shiny black Porsche Cayenne is just as much out of place here as he is himself.

”Hey, Jo, what’s up? Where you at?”

”Child, if only I knew. I passed some dumbass sign about a corn festival twice now but I can’t find your fucking place.””Oh ok, if you mean the welcome sign, then you’re on the wrong side of town. Just follow the road until you pass the colourful little bakery on the left and the cemetery on the right. Then there’s nothing except some farms for about another ten minutes. And then you can see my dancing studio on the right. It’s the biggest building around, you can’t miss it, cowboy.”

”Alright, then Imma be there in a few. You better have a drink ready for me, now that I know where I’ll spend the next eight fucking weeks.”

Jason just laughs. ”Girl, you’ll love it here, I swear! And could you stop by Smith’s and bring some bread? Tell Ada it’s for me and she’ll know which one, ok?”

”That the grocery story that looks like the roof will come down? With the bright blue, ugly ass door?”

”Don’t be such an L.A. bitch, Vanj’! I swear, y’all gonna love it here!”

”I wouldn’t bet on it, asshole. I doubt there’s any gay dicks around to suck to make up for this shitty town, cause yours sure as hell doesn’t count for me. See ya!”

Once more, he turns the car around and drives past what Jason considers to be a town. Although the old, dirty green pick-up truck in front of him that just off the road suddenly and drives over the fields and grass makes it painfully obvious that this is no fucking town.

When he gets out of the car in front of the grocery store he notices that it��s really warm and the air smells like the blossoming trees that are all around. In contrast, the shop smells like freshly baked bread which makes his mouth water. It’s been a while since he’s eaten.

”Hey, y’all. Can I help you?” a woman comes up to him. It’s hard to tell how old she is, but her hair is badly dyed red, her clothes are old and worn, but clean. She has a friendly smile and very pretty blue eyes. The most remarkable thing about her, though, is her huge, pregnant stomach.

”Hey,” Jose smiles at her and tries to control what comes out of his mouth for once. If he gets into trouble here for running his mouth he’s fucked. ”Jason sent me. Told me to tell Ada he needs some bread. You Ada?”

”Yeah, I am.” She waddles away and signals him to follow her. ”You a friend of Jason’s ?” There’s something in the way she says it, that makes him bite his tongue for a second.

”Yeah, I’m here to teach the spring dance class.” Better keep it professional.

”Oh lord, then you’re Vanjie, right?” she seems really excited all of a sudden. ”My daughter Rachel is a big fan of yours and’ll be attending the workshop. She’s been looking forward to it for weeks!”

Jose wrinkles his forehead, because his workshops are for kids ten and up. ”So that’s not number one?” he asks and points to her pregnant belly.

Ada laughs loudly. ”No, that’s number seven.”

”Seven? Y’all must know how to keep busy around here.” He freezes when he stops to think about what he just said. But then Ada laughs as she passes him the bread.

”We just believe in accepting what the lord gives to us. However many kids he will bless us with, that’s how many we will have.”

Jose doesn’t really know what to say to that, so he just hands her some money for the bread. ”Thanks, Miss Ada. See ya ‘round.”

Thackery greets him with a head-bump when he gets back into the car. ”Yeah, you better be glad I’m still alive, bitch. This town is no joke.” He pulls out of the gravel parking space and back onto the road.

Jason hadn’t lied when he’d said his building was the biggest around. Also the newest, most modern and probably the only one with air-conditioning, by the looks of it.

”Miss Vanjie, you made it!” he greets him with a big smile and a hug. He looks like a fucking cowboy with his hat and the boots he is wearing.

”You better believe it. And bitch, you will owe me so fucking much, after this shit is over! ‘Cause, child, this town is way too hillbilly realness for my gay ass!”

***

‘… When the world’s all that it should be Blessed be your name. Blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering, though there’s pain in the offering. Blessed be your name.’ Brock hits the button to shut off his alarm clock and whatever crap the Christian Rock station plays in the very early hours of the morning. He doesn’t even really like the station, but he still doesn’t dare to change it. He’s had the same alarm clock with the same radio station since he was fifteen. Sometimes it feels like time stands still within his four walls.

Brock’s eyes already burn with fatigue, even though he hasn’t opened them yet. His arms and legs hurt, his head is pounding and the heaviness that settles in his body every second of every day hasn’t left during this short night’s sleep either.

He wants to sleep and stay in bed, just like every other day. And just like every other day he slowly sits up, grabs some clothes from the dresser and gets ready in the dark. He squints when the light from the porch light hits his eyes as he steps into the hallway. He tiptoes around because he doesn’t want to wake his parents, but the old wooden floorboards creak under his weight anyway. His parents, at least, should get a couple more hours of sleep, even if he can’t.

The cows come first, then the pigs. By the time he gets to the chicken, the sun is rising and the farm comes to life around him.

He takes a moment for himself when he sits down beside the barn door and pets one of the kittens, resting his head against the chipped wood of the door. The little guy has taken a liking to him and sometimes, when his mother isn’t watching he sneaks him into his room, so he has company as he reads or listens to music in the evenings.

With a loud sigh he gets back up after a while. He doesn’t have time to rest and he’s not really looking forward to another argument with his father when he’s barely awake yet.

”Good morning,” Brock greets his parents waiting at the breakfast table, pressing a kiss to his mother’s cheek.

”Morning, Brock. You’re going to say grace today?” she asks him.

”Sure,” he shrugs and sits down. He still feels like a little kid every time she asks this of him. If he had his way they would just start eating. ”Father, we praise You for the nourishment you provide. Thank You for meeting our physical needs of hunger and thirst. Forgive us for taking that simple joy for granted. Bless this food to fuel our bodies forward into your plan for our lives. We pray that we will be energised and be able to work for the glory or your kingdom. In Jesus’ name, amen.” He automatically recites the prayer, but feels nothing as he speaks these words.

”Amen,” his parents both say and Brock can finally eat something after slaving away at the farm for the last three hours.

”Brock, you’re gonna have to hurry up after driving the kids to school today. We have to get the barn roof fixed before the May storms come in.”

”I know. Just, Daniel needs me in the afternoon, so he can keep the deadline for the new annex at the Miller farm.” Since his brother started his construction business, Brock has spent more hours up on roofs than in his own room. But his brother needs his help, because he can’t afford to pay more workers at the moment.

”I need you back at four. Tell him I said so.” His father lays down the law as per usual. Brock just nods and puts his toast down. He’s not hungry anymore. Swallowing the last bite is painful and the familiar heaviness weighing on his chest even makes it hard to breathe.

The day has barely started and already it seems endless and draining. Just like every other damn day in his life. Sometimes, he wishes he could just leave and escape. Be someone else, someone who has some say over their own life and gets to do what he wants to do. Enjoy life just a bit more. Yet, it looks like that’s not the lord’s plan for him.

***

”Ruthie! Jonathan! Rachel! Uncle Brock is here!” Ada yells with a volume that one wouldn’t expect out of such a small woman.

Every morning when he stops by it’s absolute chaos. The kids can’t find their bags, their homework or their shoes. The younger ones forget to brush their teeth or their hair and the two older ones try and help their mother wrangle them all into the waiting cars, so they can go to school.

Before his sister got pregnant for the seventh time she was somehow able to do it on her own. But now that the school in town has closed and they all need to go to the one, one town over, it’s harder for Ada. She can barely fit behind the wheel anymore and she works too much anyway. Taking care of six kids, with one on the way, managing the household and working full-time at her own grocery store, while her husband is on the road making money as a truck driver, is hard.

Brock wishes they would just stop having kids. Six is too many already and he is scared to think of how many more will come after number seven.

”You ok, Brock? You look tired?” Ada asks him with a worried look in her eyes. He should be used to it by now, but he isn’t. He wishes he could tell her about how exhausted he feels, how trapped, how much his life sucks and how much he wants out.

”Sure. Just didn’t sleep too well.” He says instead and goes to find his nieces himself, just so he can get away from her and her dangerous questions.

Ada kisses each kid goodbye as they leave and he gets a kiss on the cheek as well, as she stays behind with the younger ones, that she will somehow watch at the same time as she works in the grocery store.

”Uncle Brock, guess what!” ten-year-old Rachel says as soon as they are on the road. She always gets to drive shotgun, because she likes to talk to him, while the rest is asleep again in the backseat.

”What?”

”No, guess, guess!” She is so excited she is bouncing in her seat.

”You have to give me a clue, Rach. Otherwise I don’t even know what exactly I’m supposed to guess.”

She sighs, but then gives in ”Ok. But only one!”

”Only one clue.” Brock nods and smiles a bit. He really loves her a whole lot and she always manages to warm his heart.

”It is about what I’ll do next week after school.”

”Uhm… you’ll meet your friends?”

”No.”

”You’ll study every day,” he teases her.

”No.”

”You’ll help grandpa fix the roof.”

”That’s for boys, dummy!” She giggles. ”Imma join Vanjie’s dance class! Momma said yes!”

”What’s Vanjie?”

”Not what, Uncle Brock, who! He is the bestest dancer who does all the choreography for like Rihanna and Ariana Grande.”

”You know you’re not supposed to listen to that kind of music, right?”

”They play it all the time at Jason’s dance studio. Momma knows that! And she said yes! I think Imma get an autograph from Vanjie!”

”Jason, of course.” Brock tries to keep his tone neutral. He can’t say that he likes Jason very much. It’s not so much that he’s gay - even though that’s wrong too. It’s more the fact that he has to shove it in people’s faces with the way he dresses and talks. Sometimes he has guys over that dress in women’s clothes and wear make up. It’s just… his father calls it an abomination. Still, Jason is a great dance teacher and the kids love him, and so does his niece. How much worse can thisVanjie be?

***

”Brock! Finally! I thought you’d be here by twelve!” Brock’s brother is already up on the roof, hammering away when he gets there.

”I wanted to, but a new shipment came in at the grocery store and I didn’t want Ada to carry the heavy boxes.”

”How is she? She popped already?” Daniel laughs and hands him the hammer. He takes it when he has found a more secure stand. Brock is afraid of heights and crawling up on roofs every day is not very high on the lists of things he likes to do. But his brother needs help and his family needs the money, so what choice does he have?

”She’s getting bigger every day, but still insists on doing most on her own. I just hope Jack comes back soon.”

”He’s the man, he needs to make the money,” Daniel shrugs. ”Once you get married, the days of just working a bit here and there will be over, too, my friend.” Daniel laughs, but Brock just wants to slap him. If they weren’t up on a damn roof without any safety equipment, he just might have. Instead he grabs a nail and hammers it in with as much force as he can. At least the work up here can be somewhat therapeutic.

He gets to the ninth nail when the head of the hammer flies off and scares Brock so much he nearly falls backward. The metal flies off and hits the ground, where gladly no one is standing.

”Shit! I thought you fixed the tools!” he snaps at his older brother.

”I did! You banging away like a madman doesn’t help. These are damn cheap tools. They’re not meant to be used every day to build houses and roofs.”

”Dan, this is dangerous! I could have killed someone with this! I could have hurt you or myself.”

”You think I don’t know that, Brock? What am I fucking supposed to do? Build me some tools myself?”

”Buy new ones!” Brock yells back. It’s not like anyone is around who could hear them up there.

”Do you have any idea what that shit costs? One roofing hammer costs about 50 bucks and I need at least 6 different ones, and that times two at least! And if I really wanna go somewhere with this business I’ll need a nail gun, too. That alone is nearly two grand. I don’t have that kind of money, kiddo. I have a family and obligations. Not like you!”

”Hey, I don’t have money either! I’ve been saving for months just so I can finally get my truck fixed.”

”So you do have money!”

”Dan… that car breaks down every couple of days and I need it.”

”You could just take ma’s old one.”

”That has no A/C and it’s too small. The kids don’t fit in there when I take them to school.”

”Brock, come on! I’ll pay you back, man.” Brock thinks for a second about just leaning back and letting himself fall. Well, not really.

Or?

Is he really a rotten person, because he doesn’t want to give his brother the money he carefully put aside, so he can finally get the necessary repair on his old car done? A car he desperately needs to drive to the several fields and orchards they have, drive his nieces and nephews back and forth from school and to their extra-curricular and also to get to his brother’s construction sites. And sometimes, just once in a blue moon, he needs the car to drive out into the middle of nowhere and scream out into the night and cry where no-one can see or hear him, so he doesn’t lose his mind.

”Fine. I only have 3 grand, though.” It’s his brother and he has to help him out. That’s what family does.

”Thanks, man! Now back to work so I can be home by dinner time. Lilly’s making stew tonight!”

Brock nods, grabs another hammer and lets out his frustration on the nails. There won’t be any stew for him once he is done here; only more work, more problems, more prayers, more self-doubts and guilt.

***

”Uncle Brock, you have to come in with me! Pleeeeease!” Rachel begs when they reach the dance studio. His plan was to go home and finally get some sleep, since he was up last night delivering a new fowl. His headache is nearly killing him and he probably shouldn’t even be driving, but how can he say no to his favorite niece?

”Fine. I just hope the music isn’t too loud.”

”It has to be loud, otherwise we can’t hear it when we dance,” she skips ahead and holds the door open for him.

It’s not loud music he hears, but a man yelling at TJ Johnson in a volume Brock didn’t think possible. His head pounds, but he can only stare in fascination.

”If you motherfucker ever come in here again and talk smack about mah friend, Imma kick your ugly hillbilly ass, you got me bitch?” he finishes the rant that seems to have gone on for a while if TJ’s dumbfounded expression is any indication. ”Fucking assholes in this motherfucking town.” The guy grumbles and turns around to face them. He’s not that tall, with brown hair, that is styled in some movie stars way, where half of it is missing in the back. He has brown eyes that are dark with anger and tan skin. Brock wonders what his ethnicity is. His arms are full of tattoos and his ears are pierced.

He’s beautiful.

”What the fuck are you staring at, bitch? You got something to say about Jason, too?” he barks at Brock, who can only shake his head as he keeps staring at him.

Then he’s gone, and has disappeared behind the door of the dancing studio.

”Uncle Brock, what does motherfucker mean?” Rachel looks up at him with wide eyes.

”That’s a very bad and nasty word, Rachel. I don’t ever want to hear it coming out of your mouth!” He becomes stern, which is rare.

”But Vanjie said it!”

”If that’s Vanjie then I should maybe talk to your mother, because I’m not sure I want you around this guy!” The pout on Rachel’s face makes him give in and let her join the class for today at least.

As angry and crude as Vanjie just was with TJ, he’s great to the kids, and they seem to have a blast. Brock watches the lesson through the glass window for a while, but at some point the too-warm, sticky air in the studio gets to him and he falls asleep.

***

”Hey there, sleeping beauty.” Brock opens his eyes and what he sees are two warm, sparkling brown eyes and a large smile.

”Hey,” he says and tries to shake himself awake.

”You ok there, Mary?”

”Yeah, sorry. I was up all night. One of our horses needed help with the birth,” he says, even though that much information isn’t needed at all. It’s not like he owes this guy any explanation. ”Lesson done?”

”Yeah, the kids are just changing.  Here,” He hands him a cup of coffee that Brock accepts gratefully. ”You’re with Rachel, right”

”Yes.”

”She’s good.”

”Thanks.” He takes a sip of the coffee and doesn’t really know what else to say. He is surprised when the guy sits down beside him. He smells nice, like cologne and hairspray, even after the training lesson, which Brock finds surprising. However he can’t tell him that.

”I’m Jose.” He holds out his hand.

”You’re Mexican?” It’s curiosity not racism, and he hopes it won’t be mistaken as such.

”Nah, Puerto Rican.” Jose just laughs. ”And you are?” He is still holding out his hand.

”Brock.”

”Nice to meet you, Brock.” He shakes his hand and finds it warm and surprisingly soft. He knows his hands are rough and calloused from the work he does.

”So Vanjie isn’t your actual name?”

Jose snorts. ”Nah… just some stupid nickname given to me by one of my clients. I always made her go all Banjie girl in her videos and for her shows, and ‘cause part of my last name is Vasquez, she started calling me Vanjie. It just stuck.”

The explanation makes absolutely no sense to Brock, but  nods anyway. Thankfully, though, he’s saved from saying more by the ringing of his phone.

”Hey Lily,” he greets his sister-in-law, but what she tells him makes his blood run cold. ”Yeah, stay there, I’ll be there as fast as I can,” he tells her and hangs up.

”Can you please get Rachel? My brother fell off a roof and was taken to the hospital. They need me there,” he asks of Jose, who runs off without saying anything. Brock gets up and runs his hands through his hair. This is not good. This could be… he doesn’t even want to think about it. Just the costs alone for the hospital will be too much, for all of them. He feels dizzy, and the room around him starts to spin.

”Hey, you look as white as a sheet. You sure you can drive?” The light touch of Jose’s hand on his arm stops the spinning for a moment. Should he drive? Probably not. He shouldn’t have driven here in the first place. But an hour to the next hospital with Rachel in the car? He’s still so tired. He doesn’t know when he has eaten last. And breathing is still hard.

”I…” he doesn’t know what to say, but he has no choice, really. He needs to get to the hospital.

”I’ll drive you, come on,” Jose is gone for a second and comes back with his wallet and car keys. He grabs Brock’s wrist and takes Rachel by the hand and leads them both outside. Brock doesn’t even know if the car is black or white, only that it smells like leather and cologne. Jose makes sure that everybody is buckled in before he takes off. It never crosses Brock’s mind to refuse the offer, because he’s just too overwhelmed by life at the moment.

Brock manages to give him directions, but otherwise just listens to Vanjie telling Rachel some funny stories to distract her and calm her down. Brock can’t laugh, though, because his mind is going way over speed limit, worrying and calculating already how much more he’ll have to work and what they’ll have to sell to pay for the hospital bills and take care of Daniel’s new business. He doesn’t allow himself to wonder how badly his brother  might be injured. He wouldn't’ be able to take it at the moment.

TBC

[podmusical]

Their Eyes Were Watching Trogus

Credits and Lyrics for Episode 2 of Our Dumb Universe

starring:

Announcer - James B Kennedy Drogus - Ikechukwu Ufomado Bogus - Maff Barger Valborg - Emily Gardner Xu Hall Fuzzo - Jared Loftin Trogus Guard 1 - Milf Barfer Trogus Guard 2 - James B Kennedy Dankent - Nathaniel Kent Huphalumpagus - Rachel Flynn Feltina - Christina Pumariega Crogus - Nathaniel Kent Aide - Christina Pumariega Glorpo - Eryck Tait Bloor - Carl Howell Nupha - Kerry Ipema Tiny Mechanical Spider Voice - Happy Anderson

written by Jonathan A. Goldberg music by Matt roi Berger

recorded, mixed and edited by Martin Fowler

__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/

FUR OR LESS

                            FUZZO Hey!  I got a plan! Just stick with me; just take my hand We’ll be home free, if we can land A little opportunity, an opportunity                            VALBORG Get away from me!                            FUZZO I swear! It’s gonna work - if we do it right Stick it to those jerks - slip into the night A one time honored, can’t be squandered Opportunity! For you and me! Trust me friend - they won’t see it coming!                            VALBORG Say “friend” again, I’ll gut your stuffing We’re enemies - had you forgotten??                            FUZZO If I say yes...                           VALBORG I’ll spill your cotton.

                           FUZZO Ok! We’re home free if we trust each other!                           VALBORG Dream again you mother-fluffed!                               FUZZO If you stay here, Greenland stays sunken! You’d rather suffer? Fine - I’ll go: I’ll do it on my own.                          VALBORG Errrrr... FINE. Tell me your plan. FUZZO I KNEW you’d-!                          VALBORG You have ONE VERSE ‘til I throttle you.                          FUZZO Ok! For months, I’ve been discreet; I run errands at the infirmary If they need it done, they trust in me! And there’s the opportunity! This week, it paid off - thanks to my patience The key, to the safe - all of the medication Slipped in hidden, came out with an Opportunity! For you and me!!                          VALBORG YES but WHAT?                              FUZZO See the Trogus have trouble sleeping down here with all the gravity-                         VALBORG What??                             FUZZO SEDATIVES VAL! And I stole them all!                        VALBORG Drug them all?                              FUZZO Yes!                          VALBORG No you couldn’t.                            FUZZO  Friend the proof is in your pudding!                         VALBORG Lace their lunch...                             FUZZO They’ll be counting sheep and We’ll make off while they’re all sleeping!                             VALBORG I’ll be free to fulfill my mission...                               FUZZO If you accept this conscription                                BOTH Pudding and pills is our prescription To cure us of this Trogus prison! Oh! It’s the perfect ruse All that’s left to do’s Put my trust in you                             FUZZO So what you say Val...?                             VALBORG ...I can’t believe I’m doing this...                             FUZZO Yes!  Dance with me!                             VALBORG Stop it! Fuzzo! Stop it, you’re - everyone’s looking. Alright - now tell me the rest of the plan.                              FUZZO Shh, Val, everyone’s looking                             VALBORG Well yes but - UGH. What’s next                              FUZZO Let’s not get ahead of ourselves! Step one, just play it cool Tomorrow at lunch, we’ll make our move Once we’re done, on to step two! The perfect opportunity! Take the pills, avoid detection                             VALBORG I’ll add them after vat inspection                              FUZZO Crush em good, they’ll never notice                               BOTH Off to dreamland for all Trogus!                             VALBORG I never would have guessed our pairing                              FUZZO Fortune favors those who dare, and                               BOTH Fur or less we’ve got it covered If we trust on one another! Oh!  We’re gonna score! Make the Trogus snore And slip out the door! Nothing bad will Come of this I’m sure!

__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/

HEARTS FELT SOFT                              HUPHELUMPHAGUS Oh Feltina. I miss you. Your soft fur. It’s ... (Sings.) My fuzzy Love I wonder do you feel it too The phantom touch of my fur Touching you I miss your paws The way you’d stand up for a cause Brutally enforcing laws, The way you moved... The way you’d hold me, tell me all was not lost When Hearts Felt Soft When Hearts Felt Soft When Hearts Felt Soft I long to feel that way again...                              BOGUS Oh yes it’s true! The Fuzz inside us all will do, What- HUPHELUMPHAGUS (cont.) Whoa, what are you doing? __/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/ SACK’S GONE LIMP                              BOGUS OK, I’ll take it over. (Sings.) What e’er I do                             HUPHELUMPHAGUS This is my song, man                              BOGUS My brother Crogus beats me to From egg pouch on, always His number 2 I must be cursed!                             HUPHELUMPHAGUS That’s a bit much                              BOGUS My talents wasted here on Earth When will they see my stunning worth? See the truth? When your heart sack’s empty Oh, how do you live?                             HUPHELUMPHAGUS Gross

                            BOGUS When your Sack’s Gone Limp When your Sack’s Gone Limp When your Sack’s Gone Limp How can you learn to live again?? I’m on my knees and praying Ur-Younch hear my call! Your humble, handsome servant, Peerless, without fault...                            HUPHELUMPHAGUS Oh this is terrible! You’re stealing my song!   __/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/ HARD SONG FAST AND LIMP                          HUPHELUMPHAGUS I guess we’ll have to solve this By emotional availability and lyrical woe                              BOGUS You’re on!  Just watch as I school you! Listen and learn, girl, take some notes! Ah ah I’m in pain!                          HUPHELUMPHAGUS Ok my turn: Oh Oh Oh My heart is breaking down!                          BOGUS Whatever, I’ve got this. No!  My sack!  Please fill it once again!!                          HUPHELUMPHAGUS Haha, ok - this is kinda fun [vocalizing battle.  Note: utilize talents of actors to make your own work seem better than it is.] __/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/__/ I SURVIVE NUPHA When I was human, I worked my hands near bleeding So my love and I could just scrape by In the service of the rich, the dumb, the needy Who sneered at me; a rat they despised. Who survives? Well, if you’re smart It’s those that harden in their hearts And spite their lords with another day of life. On fuzzing day we changed; my love remained flesh Was sent off to the camps and seen no more For me, the rat for which they couldn’t care less I was sent to fight in the Fleshy / Puppet War Humans, puppets, blown apart Their pieces bounced right off my heart Who survives? Those who’ve been dead before One pair of paws is like another Two simple tools designed to take And if that makes you sad, well that is your mistake For who survives is Undecided Some are prey and Some are tyrants Some decide that Time’s worth biding Ever silent Til they come alive I survive! I survive! I survive! I survive! Flesh, Fuzz or Alien It’s all the same to them Those who survive give in No soul left to submit A heart inanimate A face im-passionate A will to live safe within I survive... I survive... And while you grit your teeth and smile Perhaps inside all of the while Something there brews behind your eyes For as the rat serves Their exper’ments She still has her Claws to tear with She still has her Teeth to bare and She still has her Mind set to survive! Who survives? Who’s to say? Who’s idea’s this anyway? If you find out, don’t bother telling me. I survive I survive I survive I survive I survive I survive...

[itsmyfandomandilikeit]

I'm 26 arcs into Worm: The Stick Up Brian's Butt

So I'm listening to the We've Got Worm podcast and they keep talking about KingBob, the guy on reddit who really related to Alec and ended up understanding him (and by extension Aisha) far better than most of the other readers.

I haven't really gone into this on this blog, I've been reading Worm for like six months now and I don't update that often, but throughout this read I've been the KingBob to Brian. It's gotten to the point where I actually took a few mental health breaks from reading Worm. I know a lot of people thought Brian was boring and dumb. I'm almost done with Worm now and I feel like the inclusion of Brian this story elevated it, for me, from a fun superhero story to something intensely personal, something that was almost a struggle to read. I know from spoilers that Brian's part in this story is almost over. He isn't my favorite character (Dragon) or even my favorite Undersider (Aisha) but I felt like I should write something before this is over. It wouldn't be an honest blog otherwise, as infrequently as I post.

But Kuno, you say. You're a 22-year-old white female engineering student. Why the hell is this the character you relate to?

For a collection of dumb reasons that add up to a large part of who I am. From the time I was eleven to the time I was about twenty-one, I had night terrors. Seven times a night sometimes, I dreamt vividly of the people I loved getting hurt, hurting me, getting killed, killing me. My students and pets melting in my hands. My mom and I clutching each other on the freeway as we're stopped in traffic, a terrorist approaching our vehicle with a shotgun. We don't make it. The dreams made life almost impossible. Seeing people during the day and being absolutely certain they would die before I saw them again. It didn't matter how many times I saw them come back okay. They never would.

I'm afraid of everything. Every missed phone call is a sudden death. Every text message brings terrible news. Every possible situation brings danger, but if my friends go, I can't let them go without me. Something could happen. They'd be safe as long as I could see them. If I was looking at them, everything would be okay. Some child psychologist I spoke to at a young age noted I was a "natural leader". To this day, I lead because I am a control freak. I am afraid of what would happen if I let someone else be in control.

Interlude 15 fucked me up.

My fatal flaw extends from this. I'm terrified that people will see me as weak. I dated a boy on my robotics team when I was in high school. I treated him like shit in public because I didn't want anyone to think I cared about him, even though he was my boyfriend. What would they think of me if they saw there was a person I treated as an equal? Horrible things. I became a better girlfriend to another boy, years later, because someone mentioned to me they thought I could be a good girlfriend, and that it was rough, calloused girls who were the weak ones. It was the perfect two sentences to convince me that for people to see me as strong, I had to be a good girlfriend.

In the We've Got Worm podcast, Scott and Matt always mention that each of the Undersiders brings the team down somehow, their inputs to every situation silly or stupid. I was confused. I always thought Grue's avoidance of conflict, always taking the slow, deliberate path, was the right way to go. Then I realized that, to many, this behavior indicates brokenness. Maybe they're right.

Yeah so I said I'd talk about the stick up Brian's butt in arcs 25 and 26. I don't think he has much to say for the rest of Worm so here we go. I'm building off a lot of what the WGW guys say, but I think I can take it a little farther.

So in arc 10 the WGW guys point out that Brian resists letting Taylor back on the team until the precise moment when it becomes apparent that everyone else wants her back, when he suddenly changes tactics to talking about how they "need her for offense". They make the imo correct deduction that this is because he's afraid of looking weak. Everyone knows Taylor likes him, so, logically, to be Stoic Leader Man he should want her to go away. He needs permission to want her back on the team. Once he has that permission, he is all for it.

I know that sounds convoluted but trust me as a person with exactly these issues this makes perfect sense.

Arc 11, Brian has still not decided to be Taylor's friend again. This is because she's on the team to be offense. Their friendship doesn't help nobody's offense. When Lisa calls him and tells him he needs to lay up on her, that to be her friend would be good, he goes directly to Taylor's house and declares them... best friends. Because Lisa has given him permission to do so.

I hope you're following because I'm aware this is stupid.

In arc 12, I'm gonna veer a little to the side. Let's talk about Brian's second trigger, just so that I can educate the public on exactly how this came around. Keep in mind that trigger events happen from a long period of a specific type of stress coming to a head. And that Brian's previous trigger happened from feeling like he maybe couldn't help Aisha for a long time, and then suddenly being hit with the fact that he definitely couldn't help her.

Arc 1: The Undersiders save Taylor who was saving them from Lung Arc 2: Brian punches Rachel for attacking Taylor Arc 4: Taylor gets blown up by Bakuda, Brian sits in her hospital room and stares at this for presumably a while Arc 5: Taylor looks like she's been hanged, having fought Lung again Arc 7: Taylor and Rachel are attacked by the ABB, Brian shows up late. Taylor is attacked later the same day by Sophia, Brian shows up pretty late. Taylor propositions the boy, he tells her he thinks of her like he thinks of his sister. I am 100% certain at this point, looking back, that this was an early indication that the second trigger process was starting towards a lack of ability to keep up with Taylor. He wasn't just saying he thought of her like he would think of her if they were related, he thinks of her like Aisha specifically, the one his power is attached to. His little brain is drawing the equivalences already. Arc 8: Broken spine, betrayal, yadda yadda Arc 9: Sophia attempts murder because it's Tuesday Arc 10: Brian pretends to not want Taylor to come back Arc 11: Brian does his now-classic "walks into room/why is Taylor injured/maybe she should not be doing this" routine Arc 12: Repeat of arc 11, except now he starts stumbling over her name. He tells her she should have let her people die. If there's a point onscreen when he realizes there might be something going on, this is it.

Point is, this has been stewing in the background since as early as arc 1 and as late as arc 7 but probably actually started in arc 4. It wasn't out of the blue, it was the logical culmination of the entire story's events thus far from Brian's perspective.

Arc 13: Yeah, you know what happens here. In the final chapter, he tells her he thinks about her too much, but even though he received a new set of superpowers and a vision from aliens telling him that he probably loves her, the vision is definitely wrong and he just feels like he can't keep up with her.

She's been attacked by everyone. Lung, Rachel, Bakuda, Sophia, Armsmaster, Leviathan, the Merchants, Mannequin. He doesn't want her to keep fighting, he feels he needs to be the one to do it. At the same time, he knows he's not powerful enough. No one power is enough to deal with all of these threats.

No single power.

But he doesn't love her. That would mean he was weak.

He doesn't even agree to have dinner with her in 15. He allows it to happen because Aisha set it up. She knows what's going on, and she has given him permission to have this.

Aisha had to be the one to give him permission because his previous powerset was for her, and now it doesn't work with her, either. At the same time as his second trigger was stewing under the surface for Taylor, he was losing his power's connection to Aisha because their powers didn't work together and he kept being forced to forget she exists. He had lived for her before, and being Super Big Brother was exactly what Brian wanted to be. Now, Aisha doesn't want to be lived for. She wants to be her own person.

Brian spends the next several arcs simply living for Taylor.

I strongly suspect that the side effect of Brian's power is that it makes him pathologically need to be 100% responsible for others. No matter how dumb everyone's plans are, he always has to be there. No matter how stupid it is, Coil told him being a villain will allow him to get his sister back. No matter how dumb it is, he tells Taylor she has to sit out running from the Nine in arc 13 because she might be tired. He pays for it.

Brian's powers will probably never actually allow him to get over Taylor Hebert. It's like Taylor and bullies. No amount of therapy or time will get Brian's shard to let the fuck go.

So when the girl whom you are physically incapable of not thinking about leaves and goes to prison and tells every single person on the planet exactly how weak you are, who goes to an even more dangerous situation where you cannot follow her, what can you do?

The only possible thing. Try your absolute damnedest to pretend you never knew her.

You walk out of that meeting with the most powerful people in the world because she is there. You go find yourself somebody else. Another girl. Taylor hated her little boobs? This girl has big boobs. Taylor can't stay away from violence? Cozen seriously appears to have never even seen a corpse.

When Taylor comes back, Brian greets her with the new girl on his arm. He tries to shake her hand. Time has passed. There's nothing between them any more.

The next day, Grue is presented with the choice of pushing back against Taylor and standing with the new girl, whoever she is, or supporting Taylor. He chooses Taylor.

Of course he does. The situation calls for it. The situation has given him permission.

[lullabiesandgoodbyes]

Okay, you’d probably expect a dump of feelings regarding La Casa de Papel P4:

( here be spoilers, obviously )

It’s a fact that the writing of LCDP has never been brilliant. The heist was clever, but some scenes were far-fetched and the dialogue faltered many times. Still, I was mainly here for the characters: criminals, flawed people whose human side was revealed through the episodes, that was the reason why I got attached to the show.

I can’t help but to feel disappointed that they seemed to have lost perspective of them: the characters were turned into puppets for the sake of dRAmA!!1, became caricatures of what they used to be - this is already our 4th year with them, we know them, and please don’t call it character development when it’s so obviously just bad writing. They deserved better than this.

That being said:

- It’s not even the fact that Nairobi was killed; it’s the fact they’ve created and developed a strong female character, shot her for a cliffhanger at the end of P3, saved her at the beginning of P4, had both her body and mind tortured multiple times while still not fully recovered, and then simply put a bullet in her head by betrayal, with no honor nor glory. And for what, shock value?! Fuck you!!

- Since we’re talking about Nairobi: it’s not that she shouldn’t want to be a mother ( people claiming but she’s a feminist!! can shut the fuck up ), but she already was a mother, despite having no son for years, one that once got offended after being told that she should just have another baby to replace the one she had lost. Now, not only they gave me no closure regarding Axel and the way the Police used him to bring her down, but they also forced me to witness this marvellous woman emotionally manipulating a man that she knew to be in a committed relationship to have a baby with her and then partying with his partner ( her supposed friend ) without telling her the truth;

- The same can be pointed at Tokio, going ( again! ) after Denver, “ let’s fuck and pretend it never happened “ - they actually tried to tell us female friendships, yay!! and then have her sexually pining after her supposed friend’s husband, twice. Like, what are even women to each other if not rude bitches, right?

- Look, I don’t know what kind of wet dream these writers have about Tokio, but it’s time for them to actually acknowledge her faults, no? Nairobi would never consider her a good leader; the team would never accept her as a good leader; Tokio is simply not a good leader. Also, so much disgust at all the sexual innuendos between her and Gandía and the general idea that he only kept her alive because she turned him on...

- I was honestly laughing at the whole surgery scene; I gave it a pass when they helped Mónica with that infected wound back in P1 because..., but this was so ridiculous it was too much for me to bear. Tokio is becoming the Rachel Berry of LCDP and you have no idea how much it bothers me to write these actual words;

- She still had her moments, though. Not enough for me to love her, but I will always defend Tokio from a fandom who hates on her at the same time that idolatrizes Berlín, for fuck’s sake... -.-

- Raquel was one of the best characters this show had on P1-2. If Lisboa doesn’t grow a personality detached from El Profesor, I’ll be punching a wall, seriously, what did you reduce her to?

- But not everything was bad: Estocolmo is still MY GIRL!!!1 I’m still pissed they had to break up her marriage to give her some attention ( women are allowed to have partners and a life beyond them, in case you didn’t know ), but I generally liked her in P4 and how she’s slowly gaining her own place within the team. The whole discussion about seeing Denver in a new light was interesting ( I could write a whole essay about it ), but should have been better worded and developed, especially because this fandom is overall dumb and is already blaming it on her - but what else is new?

- I’m also only supporting this because I believe she’s dealing with her previous choices, and basically coming together after the initial Stockholm Syndrome, and will eventually get back together with Denver. If not, I’ll burn Netflix down;

- Also, being sad that Nairobi died, yes; coming after Estocolmo because she should have died instead, no, fuck you!! >:(

- Now, the major disappointment: thanks for throwing THREE years of development out of the window so Denver could chase Tokio’s ass, as if he ever felt for her half of the things he apparently did on P4, and thanks for nearly ruining my favorite character on this fuckery, starting with his rude commentaries about women ( he was in love with Mónica and still pushed her away because she wasn’t able to fully consent their relationship, but sure, let’s all agree that he sees women like cars because so funny!! Also, implying that he only ended up with Mónica because he couldn’t get Tokio, yes, that’s totally what happened, who the fuck wrote this shit...?? ) and ending on the toxic jealousy over his best friend being traumatized and finding his only comfort with his wife ( like, WTF was that even?! );

- Managing to regress Denver into someone he even wasn’t at the beginning of the show was probably worse than watching him die somewhere along the way, and, trust me, I hate to write this :’(((

- But thank you ( and this goes to Jaime Lorente, not the stupid writers ) for bringing him back on the last episodes. I guess this is what you get when writers don’t know how to properly do their jobs, but the writing has been a general mess since P3 so I’m choosing to still love him and want all good things for him. Including his wife back, because admitting his shit and trying to be better is still Denver’s redeeming quality, and I think she’s ready to accept that;

- I still think Ricardo is a better fit than Daniel :(((

- I admit that Manila was cool, but she still felt like a way for the show to gain some diversity points with a trans character that is not even played by a trans actress... Her conversation with Denver, although sweet, was vague and only complemented the initial feeling, since it could have lead him to reorganize his thoughts over male/female friendships ( as if P1-3!Denver ever needed that... ) and eventually served for nothing;

- That is, I’m choosing to believe they won’t make Denver/Manila happen on P5 because fuck them if they do...

- Also fuck everyone who’s coming after Río for being weak, and fuck whoever let the boy stay at the Bank after months of torture. The writing of his arc was just as bad as nearly everyone else’s ( perfectly able to shoot a missile in one day, incapable of holding a gun against Gandía on the other, wants everyone to kill him next... ) but his friendship with Estocolmo was worth it, loved them;

- He’s also a baby and he’s now Estocolmo and Denver’s new baby <333

- Last, but not least: I really didn’t like the way they turned Arturito into a major creep and confirmed rapist. This was a character we hated on principle, for being a headache and playing hero when he wasn’t more than an idiot, but this... What was even the point of this?

Some other random thoughts I have left:

- Helsinki: honestly, stop hurting him, please;

 - El Profesor: I can’t get myself to like his character, sorry I’m not sorry;

- Marsella: a good boy;

- Palermo: please die;

- Bogotá: not convinced, still don’t like him, can still die;

- Sierra: the best antagonist;

- Antoñanzas: the best sidekick;

- Moscú: I missed you, papa </3/3/3

- Berlín: * you’re not allowed in Heaven with the rest of them, go back to Hell, motherfucker *

- The Bank’s governor was cool, helping to save Nairobi, protecting Amanda and telling Arturito off :)))

- Hope Amanda gets her well-deserved revenge, let her cut Arturito’s dick when he’s asleep ( or awake, it doesn’t really matter );

- I missed Cincinnati and Miguel x_x

Also, the cast and crew saying P4 was a satisfying ending when it so obviously was a non-ending felt dishonest and I don’t like being played like that. Just assume you’re trying to milk the most out of it - and apparently losing grip of it all together.

So, yeah, I’ll be back for P5 because they left me hanging on, but the disappointment is real. I wish they had left it where it was supposed to end. :(((

[alphabees-writes]

Glee - S1 E6 (Vitamin D)

They call it vitamin D for the whole thing but wasn’t it just a component for some really hard drug??? We love the bullshit

The millionth step ball change... And we’re only 6 episodes in

Mr Schue just said “Maybe so” and now all I can think of is the gif meme thing

heheheheheheh.......Sorry. Funny youtube. 

Sign #27 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: He’s eating that sandwich in the GROSSEST WAY POSSIBLE. He’s chewing with his mouth open, breathing really loud, talking with his mouthful, and he’s clearly being messy about it because there’s mustard all over his chin!!! How is Emma crushing on this dweeb

Sign #28 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: When Emma says he’s got a “cute Kirk Douglas chin dimple” (barf) he doesn’t say, hey! Maybe don’t flirt with me, I’m married!

I’m genuinely starting to feel ill whenever I have to just look at Mr Schue...

Everybody trying to learn their choreo and they’re just.... Spinning. Kurt’s about to fall over, Matt and Mike are bumping into each other, and Brittany’s just Tasmanian Devil-ing her way across the room. Love em

Brittany completely ignoring Artie’s high-five and him being like “oh-- okay...” is underrated

Matt Morrison just delivered “simply stopped trying” really weirdly. I don’t know what’s throwing me off about it, but it is

You’re right, Sue. Bones won’t grow properly without fear. AND EMMA’S BLOUSE IS INSANE

“I don’t understand how lightning is in competition with an above-ground swimming pool” You’re RIGHT KURT and you SHOULD SAY IT! Bears and sharks aren’t in competition either! Call out post for Mr Schue: The man knows NOTHING of the most basic ecology!

The look Quinn gives Finn when he yawns... Let my mans nap!!!

Kurt did his best to get to the girl’s side. Can you fucking blame him? Puck’s still an asshole to him as far as we all know!

Santana and Brittany just casually linking arms... Be still my beating heart

Kurt just walking along with Finn to football practice... Look at those brothers go!!! I am ignoring Puck

Ohh Sue’s journal... A wonderful character

You’re right, Sue, Will Schuester IS to blame for the world’s problems. Please do destroy the man

“I’ve always thought the desire to procreate showed deep personal weakness” Got ‘em

And thus begins the saga of Sue pushing problem people down the stairs. I’m not saying she should do that to Mr Schue... I’m just saying, why doesn’t she?

If Will wasn’t flirting with Emma, he wouldn’t get all nervous and upset when his wife turns up. Them’s the facts.

Does Terri know about Emma’s germophobia...? Because if so, it’s probably not cool for Will to have told her that. Unless Sue did, but I wouldn’t put it past him

As if they could get away with hiring a random unqualified woman as a school nurse?

Is “route” really pronounced like that......? Huh

Finn getting Biofreeze in his eye will forever be hilarious.

LEVEL 2!!!

I hate hats. I don’t know why, but I do. And I want Kurt to live his best life, but man, I hate that hat

Cory Monteith really got paid to drool. Goals

“Puck, with respect, you’re more helpful when you don’t contribute” Tell him, Artie!!!

Everybody making fun of Quinn :C Britt, you’re better than this!!

People (I’m people) can hate on Rachel all they want but this scenario is one example of her actually working harder than anybody else in the group. Yes, the solos should be shared more equally, but it’s hard to be mad at her when the others are claiming her ideas as their own and sitting around when they should be rehearsing. Except Brittany! She’s stretching, at least, love her

Terri let him NAP. WITHOUT DRUGS.

Finn’s having some serious mental health concerns but he’s not getting what he needs and I hate it. Help him!!!

Why does Terri care if Finn’s not faithful? Like, yeah, he should be, but it’s not going to affect the baby!

Surely if she took those pills for ALL of high school, they would’ve lost their effect after a while?

God I love high Finn. He just CHUCKED Matt outta that chair. 

Puck knows what’s up. Kurt thinks it’s vitamin C, because Vogue said so, and Iove him. He also looks SO weirded out

Terri gave him a whole BOX huh?

Time for season 1′s best mash-up. I love this so much. They’re all going so HARD and Finn looks like his eyes are about to pop right out. The way he’s rubbing the mic... How could they not tell he was off his face???

MIKE’S SINGING. MIKE’S SINGING BACK UP AND NOBODY’S WINCING. Glee has no continuity confirmed

I feel like I shouldn’t find this performance cute because they’re all meant to be high as shit BUT THEY’RE JUST SO EXCITED???

Kevin McHale bumps every song features in up by at least 2 letter grades and that’s just a fact

LET MIKE CHANG DANCE!!!! LET HIM DANCE FOREVER HE DESERVES SO MUCH

I would say the same for Matt but then I’ll get sad about him being dumped into the void in like 16 episodes time

Oh Rachel worrying about Quinn... Be still my gay heart

Rachel just cuts right through her bullshit without hesitating for a second. She knows what it’s like to feel like the odd one out and she’s doing the absolute most to make sure Quinn doesn’t feel that way and I love her for it

The way Quinn slowly turns to face her... And Rachel says they don’t have to be enemies and Quinn can’t understand why Rachel would offer her a second chance... 

Quinn legit draws porn of Rachel it’s canon. I mean it’s fucked up but there are only so many reasons a person would do that

“I would’ve tortured you if the roles were reversed you know” “I know” And then the way she watches Rachel walk away... My HEART

Ken and Terri, the power duo of awful

“Laughing... Talking... All the stuff she never does with me” I hate it. They suck. Emma is a dumbass for agreeing to date a guy who she just genuinely doesn’t like and Ken’s just an ASSHOLE for bullying her into it

And now Ken’s about to propose because he’s being bullied into it. Why the fuck does this happen?

I don’t buy that Rachel took this long to berate all the girls for not prepping their mash-up harder after the boys killed theirs. She’d be right on that

Kurt I love the waistcoat and the bowtie but WHAT is happening on your ELBOWS.

You really wanted those guys in cornrows, Kurt? None of them have the length for it. ALSO I love that the exotic bird feathers thing comes back next season 10/10

F-ROD!!! GO OFF RACHEL!!! Even if Finn doesn’t know what half these words mean!

Rachel really wakes up with flawless hair, huh! And then she just... Does all that. She never stops being extra...

Did they just start walking in the opposite direction?

I feel like it’s dumb that Rachel doesn’t just tell Mr Schue that they all took pills, but it’s more in character for her to not waste an opportunity to perform anyway

Howard Bamboo,totally unqualified man who absolutely isn’t staff, is just allowed on campus to deliver DRUGS? HELLO???

Quinn only gets folic acid... And yet I’m pretty sure she manages to keep up with everybody else. HOW?

“What’s up with Ken?” [FRANTIC PAPER SHREDDING] 

I don’t care how married you are, no person should lick another person’s face

I can physically feel the awkwardness between Will and Terri. JUST DIVORCE ALREADY

Don’t like ya Will but you’re right, shit’s not healthy if there’s no space!

Imagine proposing in the staff room at work just because a random woman told you to

“Emma Pilsbury, this is not an engagement ring” “Oh thank god--” “No, I mean, it is” Just take the L, Ken

AND ALSO ANGELS!!!

Quinn’s so fucking concerned. I love this

I usually don’t like yellow clothes but these girls make it look so dang CUTE. More pastels plz

Again, I have no idea how pregnant Quinn is keeping up at all...

HALOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Kurt’s wearing those blocky shades so the boys can’t see his betrayal

Where the hell did this mock-stage set up come from

“We came up with the idea together!” No... Will, that was Sue. Sue gave you the idea

Emma’s pretty much explicitly told Will she’s only marrying Ken because Will won’t be with her. EVERYBODY SUCKS

This argument between Terri and Emma is a nightmare. The most confrontational person VS the least... I’d fucking evaporate if Terri came at me like that

The way Emma’s voice shakes when she tells Terri that Will deserves better... Ouchie

Quinn is just adorable. Diana made this character, and she did such an amazing job... She’s more empathetic than she lets anybody realise

The fact that Terri won’t even help this TEENAGE GIRL pay for the baby that she’ll eventually adopt is a nightmare. Where do you expect her to get the cash from?

Wanting to get married without being married is kind of a mood... Secret marriage

BEING A PUSHOVER WHEN IT COMES TO YOU DOESN’T MAKE HIM A GOOD MAN

Finn and Rachel both realising they screwed up is perfect. 

Finn continuing to not know what any words mean is also perfect

This is a cute Rachel moment actually... Yes girl compete WITH your friends!!! You’re a team!!!!

Ahh, methamphetamines! That’s what it was. Yeah, fuck Terri

I’m still looking at Matt Morrison’s lips and trying to figure out if he’s had fillers. They just curl too far!!!

Mr Schue being called out for making things too competitive - fine, I guess. Bringing in SUE to rectify that...??? Hello? Figgins?

Those white jeans are a LOOK Kurt. He’s like a twink Steve Jobs rn

Britt and Santana’s little smiles at each other when Sue’s announced as co-captain... Hell yeah future wives

I’d like to think Will’s upset about Emma marrying Ken for the right reasons (i.e. Ken’s an asshole) but we been knew he’s not. He’s looking at her like he’s just been shot

AIN’T NOTHIN GONNA BREAK MY STRIDE! NOBODY GONNA SLOW ME DOWN! OH NO, I’VE GOT TO KEEP ON MOVIN!

I really just love how stupid this show is! It makes no god damn sense and I fall for it every time!

[teababe27]

Notes From the 2019 Myanimelist.net Challenges - Part 1: Anime

Health problems have laid me up a little, but now I’m finally posting this.

As you can tell by the title, this is a post in the vein of last year’s notes about the Myanimelist.net Anime Watching and Manga Reading Challenges. While I didn’t complete everything by the deadline, I had some fun with it and saw/read some good things, some okay things, some things I’ve been meaning to watch anyway, and some things I probably wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for this challenge.

This post will deal with the anime side. Part 2, dealing with the manga side, will come soon.

I will mention some notables/honorable mentions and then some of my favorite things I watched for this challenge.

Let’s do this.

Honorable Mentions/Other Notables: Millennium Actress - completed for the task “Watch an award-winning anime”

Two filmmakers interview Chiyoko, a retired, reclusive actress from long ago. She brings the two filmmakers through her memories.

As far as I’m concerned, anything Satoshi Kon does is great. A movie with an interesting concept and an interesting art style. I teared up a little at the end, ngl.

RIP Satoshi Kon.

My Neighbor Totoro - completed for the task “Watch an original anime”

Two little girls move to a house in the countryside with their father. While at the house, they discover forest spirits and go on adventures with them.

As expected from Studio Ghibli, the art is gorgeous. The story was fun. I’m ashamed to admit I haven’t seen this until now.

While not my favorite Miyazaki movie, this was still beautiful and also fucking adorable.

It was also pretty cool to hear the Fanning sisters in early roles.

Problem Children Are Coming From Another World, Aren’t They? - completed for the task “Watch an anime in which your favorite character’s voice actor participated”

Three kids, each with a different special ability, are whisked away to a world called Little Garden. They are called upon by Kurousagi (Black Rabbit in the English dub) to win “Gift Games” and help the community regain its former glory and resources after a demon took them away.

I’d put this under the group of “Things i probably wouldn’t have watched if not for this challenge”.

I’m not normally into isekai anime (I feel it’s been way overdone lately), but I had fun with this. I honestly didn’t like a couple of the characters at first, but then I realized it was kinda the point. They did get better, though.

Automatic props for having Josh Grelle in there voicing one of the titular problem children.

I had fun with this one overall.

Aoi Bungaku Series - completed for the task “Watch an anime with more than 16 minutes in total and tagged as Mystery, Psychological, and/or Thriller”

An anthology adapting several classic Japanese books and stories.

This anime was different than a lot of what I have watched before. Bleak as hell a lot of the time (especially in the first story), but I found this anime interesting. I might try and read the books that these stories were based on.

The Irresponsible Captain Tylor - completed for the task “Watch an anime suggested by Myanimelist or Anime+”

Justy Ueki Tylor is a bit of a lazy bum. He signs up to join the space military because he wants to live a relatively easy life and get a good pension when he retires. Through sheer charisma and dumb luck, he helps diffuse a hostage situation, leading him to be promoted to Captain of a ship with a bad reputation. An evil space empire and higher-ups looking to get rid of Tylor are also involved.

I found this show funny, but I also feel like this is one you need to be in the mood for. That being said, this was a fun watch.

A lot of zany hijinks and watching Tylor get by through sheer luck and charisma. Gave me some mixed feelings at times.

I have a weakness for things that came out in the 90s, as I grew up with that animation style and shows from that time period. As such, it was very cool to hear voice actors from my childhood, like Rachel Lillis and Lisa Ortiz, in this anime. (I was internally going “OMG it’s Misty!!” every time Yuriko talked.)

Favorites from the Challenge:

Hanayamata - completed for the task “Watch an anime that began airing between 2010 and 2015″

An ordinary student, Naru, wants nothing more than to be pretty and dazzling like in her fairy tale books. One day, she meets a mysterious girl, Hana, who dances with her one night. Hana turns out to be an American transfer student who ends up transferring into Naru’s class. Hana then introduces Naru to Yosakoi dancing and forms the Yosakoi club.

I thought this was a cute and fun slice-of-life anime. Premise can be a bit iffy if you really think about it, but I had fun with this show. I love how everyone slowly opened up with each other and was able to make their club work.

Also, I couldn’t help but have this thought: I feel like the first couple episodes had so much lesbian subtext that I had to check if this anime was made by KyoAni (it wasn’t, it’s made by Madhouse).

Tatami Galaxy - completed for the task “Watch a Noitamina anime”

A third-year college student runs into a mysterious guy at a ramen shop. The student reflects on his past 2 years at college, mostly spent with his friend Ozu trying to break up happy couples. The student wonders if he’s wasted his life and resolves to do better. Then a time loop starts happening and more chances arrive.

*clasps hands like Gendo Ikari*

We meet again, Masaki Yuasa.

No better time than this challenge to work through more of Masaki Yuasa’s filmography, especially after watching the decent Mind Game and the excellent Kaiba for last year’s challenge.

While watching this anime, I felt myself going back and forth on whether or not I really liked this anime. Whether it was overrated or underrated. Whether it was a good idea on what the Endless 8 could have been or something that kept going unnecessarily long because the Student couldn’t see what was in front of his face. Whether it was style over substance.

The answer?

Yes.

I honestly liked it, but I do understand the criticism. I feel like the confusion about my feelings can be a good thing and this anime still had some great points and made me think.

I also thought the art style and soundtrack were great, as usual from Masaki Yuasa.

One Outs - completed for the task “Watch an active staff member’s favorite anime with 10 episodes or more”

A struggling baseball team recruits Tokuchi Towa, a pitcher who is more of a gambler than anything. Kojima, the team’s veteran player, hopes that Tokuchi will lead them to the championship. Corrupt ownership and unethical opponents also add problems.

Tokuchi was a great character. He’s a genius, but also a huge troll. His method is basically trying to psychologically get to the other players and go from there. I liked seeing him work through situations and outsmart people. This was one of the few anime from the challenge where I could watch several episodes in one sitting and not even realize it.

Basically, this was a take on sports anime I didn’t know I needed.

Aggressive Retsuko (aka Aggretsuko) - Season 1 completed for the task “Watch an ONA,” Season 2 completed for the task “Watch an anime with more than 16 minutes in total and a popularity lower than #700″

Retsuko, a red panda, is an average office worker. Unfortunately, she hates her job. She is harassed by her boss and given unreasonable amounts of work. To relieve the stress from her life, she secretly goes to karaoke and sings death metal to scream everything out.

I love this. I love Retsuko. I love the little songs sprinkled in. I love Retsuko’s relationships with several of her office-mates.

I feel like I can relate so hard. Not necessarily with the heavy work load, but just the general stresses of life in your 20s. Being stuck in a job that isn’t the best, and also liking metal.

I had a ton of fun with this show. Season 1 was slightly better than Season 2, but I loved this show all the same.

Girls’ Last Tour - completed for the task “Watch an anime that finished airing with more than 10 episodes and has a synopsis by MAL Rewrite”

In a post-apocalyptic, war-torn landscape, two girls, Chito and Yuri, travel the world for answers, with only their motorbike/tank, their supplies, and each other.

This, by far, wins Best of the Challenge this year.

This anime gave me a mix of emotions that I don’t know if I’ve ever felt before. A strange mix of existential dread and sadness and going “aww” at the slice-of-life adventures the two girls have. It made me laugh, made me cry, and made me think.

Watch this one, please.

[spaceorphan18]

Finding Kurt Hummel: The Rise and Fall of Sue Sylvester

Masterpost

6x10: The Rise and Fall of Sue Sylvester

And here we are at the infamous Sue episode panned by fans everywhere.  Is it really that bad?  Well I did have it as my least favorite episode of the series, (though after careful inspection, that title truly goes to the hot mess that is I Kissed a Girl).  However, believe it or not, I don’t think this is the /worst/ Glee ever put out. I do, though, think the context is what makes it so frustrating.  

Child Star and Other Missed Opportunities

Here’s the thing - when you write out season 6 on paper, I think the structure of what the writers were going for makes a lot more sense.  The main story that they were telling was getting the Glee club back in order, to be, in a way, an echo of what season 1 was.  And for the most part, I do think that structure works.  You have Rachel in the ‘Will’ spot as teacher, trying to get her life together while trying to inspire these young kids to be awesome, and like the end of the Front 13 - the ending there is Sectionals.  

All the other plot lines are secondary, including Rachel’s triumphant return to New York, which is the b-story of the entire season.  Kurt (and Blaine)’s reunion arc might be, eh, a distant 3rd? Maybe 4th after Will’s.  But that’s what makes these final three episodes (before the final two that make up, essentially, the series finale) so jarring.   We’ve been used to strong focus on Kurt and Blaine as secondary characters, and the kids have been the main focus since season 3.  Shifting everything back so that Will and Sue are the main characters, with Rachel as a secondary lead feels... off.  

The thing is -- I see what they were trying to do here.  After wrapping up the Klaine (and Brittana) arc - the last arcs that the ‘kid’ characters get (besides Rachel) we essentially have three extra episodes left.  One will be the competition episode.  One was the episode about the New Newbies which I don’t think was a bad thing - even if I think introducing a new character five episodes before the end was a dumb move.  But like the original kids, I think these new kids rightfully deserved an episode of their own.  And thus leaves one episode where they needed to do, well, something.  

And hence - we get Sue.  

Yeah - It would have been nice if they had spent an episode exploring Kurt and Blaine’s now married life, or what the hell are Mercedes, Artie, Tina, Brittany, Santana, Mike, etc, etc, etc, etc, doing with their lives.  But - in the minds of the glee writers... they already did that in various capacities over the previous episodes.  

But even more than that - for reasons I’ll never fully understand, unless it’s about how much they love Jane Lynch, they decided to focus an episode on Sue.  And while the episode isn’t the utter worst thing Glee ever did (honestly, go back and watch IKAG again...), trying to make emotional sense of a character you’ve reduced to a cartoon character, who breaks the fourth wall just... doesn’t work.  And on top of that, they don’t resolve anything, nor is it that interesting to watch.  Sue remains, well, Sue and nothing remotely happens.  

So yeah, this ‘filler’ episode was a way to stall time before the obligatory ending Sectionals episode - and they filled it up with a lot of what no one wanted, especially the precious few who were still watching.  And thus, we have the most frustrating and least satisfying episode of the entire series.  Thankfully, Kurt is barely in it. 

Burn the House Down

So, we open with the New New New Directions in typical Glee fashion, doing the hot single of the moment - idk even know the name of the song, though - Rather Be? Idk.  Anyway, Kurt and Blaine come sombering in, cause, plot dictates they be there for exposition. 

And we find out that Dalton has burned to the ground.  

So.  

Here’s the thing - there could have been an interesting story here for Blaine -- matching Rachel’s story about having to grow up and move on.  I mean, it’s kind of subtly and subtextually there. It is (another) reason Blaine is forced to move on and grow up.  

But.  Do you know why they burned Dalton to the ground (other than doing it probably out of spite)? Not for some kind of deeper level of symbolism.  Nope.  They did it so New Directions can meet their quota of having 12 members.  That stupid, fucking rule.  I realize that it’s now become a joke (as mentioned earlier in the Hurt Locker episodes).  But c’mon Glee.  It’s like you’re not even trying now.  

But also, like after most big Klaine events - do Kurt and Blaine get a moment to reflect on their newly marriage life? Nope.  Other than talking about a piano exploding in the next episode, Kurt and Blaine won’t share dialogue again until the series finale.  On top of that -- instead of getting to be happy newlyweds, they have Blaine upset because his surrogate home has burned down.  Thanks writers.  Thanks. 

However - there are two things I do like about this little moment.  A) the fact that Kurt is being a very comforting husband.  B) the fact that they are wearing their proposal colors.  Nice touch costume dept.  You get the gold star.  

In the next scene - we get the indoctrination of the Warblers into the New Directions.  And Kurt just nods his head along in all the appropriate places.  Not a whole lot to talk about -- other than now that we’ve got Will back in charge, Rachel and Kurt have faded into the background.  Is Kurt even teaching anything any more? No, not really - despite all the ‘conversations’ Kurt, Rachel, Will, and Blaine have off screen.  

Anyway - you know another reason Dalton was burned to ground? To service the Sue plot.  Yup.  God.  Luckily, though, I don’t really have to go into it. 

The Way Too Long Geraldo Segment

So, long story short, Sue’s hurt locker was found out and then she’s exposed on Geraldo, which does go on way, way to long.  Look, there are some funny moments and callbacks, like the finding of Sue’s Penthouse magazine and the quick return of Joe.  But it just becomes stale as it continues after the commercial break.  Also, though, Sue’s not going to actually face ramifications. I mean, she should really be in jail just on the hurt locker alone.  But this is Glee, where Will, Sue, and Rachel never have to really deal with the actions they make.  

So - Kurt’s bit is about the elevator.  Which is... fine.  It kind of feels hollow since they’re going to thank her in the finale, and she just sent them on a week long honeymoon.  But yeah - don’t kidnap people, guys.  Bad.  The best part of this is the look on Blaine’s face.  

  Unity

This scene was almost impossible to get a good still.  Oh well.  Anyway, a good twenty minutes of the episode later...

So, I should mention in the previous scene, the gang is all trying to help Rachel through her issues and trying to get her back to New York (or whatever).   It’s a little weird that Kurt is not here since he’s spent so much of his screen time playing emotional prop to Rachel Berry. but I guess I’m not complaining even if I think it’s weird? But we do get Sam calling NYADA a scam school, and info that Blaine was kicked out by Carmen herself - to which I say, why does anyone care about this school??  Whatever.  It is a funny little scene though. 

Anyway, back to this scene -- where the Warblers and the New Directions are arguing over costumes.  And the only real thing I get out of it (Kurt-wise) is that Kurt really hated wearing that uniform when he went there, lol.  (He did, though, it’s in season 2.)  

And I know there was some grumbling of this scene - why is Kurt taking New Directions’s side? Why is he not supporting Blaine and the Warblers - to which I say... the writers didn’t give a shit about that.  Seriously.  This scene is a) about comedy and b) presenting this argument that will be compromised in about ten minutes anyway.  It’s not at all any kind of reflection on Kurt or Blaine or their relationship.  And actually, I’m of half mind that the writers completely forgot that Kurt even went to Dalton himself.  

In the large scheme of Kurt related things - this scene barely registers, tbh.  **shrugs**

Hey, but costumes wins again - Kurt and Blaine are wearing each other’s colors!

Final Countdown

So, Sue and Will duke it out through music - like it’s always done, and we get confirmation -- all those fantasy performances? Were just that -- fantasies.  I kinda do like when the kids come in and are like - wtf??!?  Kurt tells Rachel that he hopes that the’ll never become that.  Oh y’all won’t, promise ;) Anyway - I love that the show comments that Will and Sue have lost it - like we haven’t known that since the end of season 1.  

So, uh, the next day? Will apologizes for being an idiot.  Okay, fine.  And then Rachel says that now -- if the glee club doesn’t win, all fine arts will be cut.  Because that makes a load of sense, c’mon writers, c’mon....  

Anyway - the one redeeming thing for this otherwise ridiculous little scene, is that Kurt’s a ball of optimism -- he inwardly reflects on all the crap that’s happened in his life and he turns it around saying that they’ll never give up on anything (to which Blaine looks at him adoringly).  And, I mean, it’s a subtle thing -- but I kinda love this.  Because here’s a kid who has been through hell and back and a lot of shitty things (even recently) and you know what? He’s fine.  He’s in a good place, he’s happy, he’s loved, he’s got a great support system, and a good attitude about life.  And, he’s got a great motto to go along with it -- It’s Got Bette Midler.  (lol)  

But I mean, let’s take a second and think about the fact that Kurt started his journey being that kid who gets thrown in dumpsters for being weird and gay and now, you know what? He’s fine.  He’s really, really, really fine.  :) 

Rise

So - here at the end, we see Blaine solving the absolute crisis of the episode and somehow he’s managed to make, like, twenty unity blazers overnight, combining the Dalton tradition with the McKinley colors.  And did it without Kurt knowing what he was up to because Kurt was totally surprised.  But it’s in a good way, Kurt’s incredibly proud that Blaine managed to solve this epic dilemma.  (I joke, but really, it’s sweet that Kurt’s, again, proud of his new husband).  

Meanwhile, we get the song Rise, written by Darren Criss -- and I’m kind of impressed with this song -- it manages to reference birds, Dalton burning down, the kids rising to the top, and the fall of Sue Sylvester all in one go.  Color me impressed, too.   (Btw, this is such a Darren-esque song, I can hear this in his voice even if I’ve never heard him actually sing it.) 

I’ll leave you with the some lyrics, which I’m sure you can work out their meaning on your own ;) 

Have you ever felt like you woke up (On the wrong side of your heart) Has it ever felt like it's broken (Like the world tore it apart) Have you felt so weak, You could hardly stand Like if you ever fell You could never tell If you'd ever get back up again I know it's hard to do, But I think you can make it, Cause I know we can take it Baby we will... Rise We are young we are the dreamers we will fly When the world will not believe us, We will rise above the ashes Before this whole life passes us by You and I, we will rise

[mermaidsirennikita]

January 2019 Book Roundup

New year, new reading challenge, etc.  After a decidedly bad start, I found 1) a very fun, very Gothic thriller 2) a sad but well-written YA contemporary about toxic friendships and 3) a fun Holly Black sequel.  Not a total loss, then!  My favorite book of the month, all things considered, was really probably Holly Black’s The Wicked King--if largely because the ending was exactly what it should have been.  On to February!  I’ll try to read a bit more romance that month, juuust to rub my own single-ness in a bit more.

Lie to Me by J.T. Ellison.  1/5.  Ethan and Sutton seem like they have it all--he’s a famous author, even if he has been struggling with writer’s block for years; she’s a successful romance novelist, though her recent run-in with a nasty reviewer online has tarnished her reputation.  Though they were shaken by the loss of their baby, they seem to be getting it together.  Until Sutton goes missing, with a note to Ethan warning him to avoid looking for her.  I won’t say much more, because you can probably guess the plot here, save for some twists that weren’t really twists because they were only there to shock and made very little sense.  This book ripped off Gone Girl to a degree that wasn’t so much capitalizing on the domestic thriller craze as it was literally ripping off Gone Girl.  This was just kind of stupid.

Luna and the Lie by Mariana Zapata.  2/5.  Luna works at an auto shop, and has for years, while supporting her younger sisters.  One of her bosses has become a father figure to her; the other, Ripley (or “Rip”) is the bane of her existence.  However, when Luna is invited to her grandmother’s funeral, she is concerned about coming into contact with her estranged family again.  In a bid to stay protected, she asks Rip to accompany her--which leads to her keeping a secret for him.  Honestly, I don’t even feel like I can properly give this a review because it just kind of bounced off of me.  I don’t mind a simple, even kind of dumb plot as long as I’m enjoying myself, and I just wasn’t here.  But someone else might!  A Zapata book’s enjoyability, I’ve learned, lives and dies on whether or not you’re into the male lead.  Rip was like...................... the opposite of my type.  So it didn’t work for me.

The Au Pair by Emma Rous.  4/5.  On the day that Seraphine and her twin brother, Danny, were born, their mother Ruth flung herself from the cliffs outside their ancestral home of Summerbourne.  Shortly after the death of their father twenty-five years later, Seraphine discovers a photo taken on the day of her birth, before Ruth died--but in it, Ruth is holding only one baby.  Increasingly obsessed with the truth behind her past, Seraphine seeks out Laura, the au pair employed by her parents before the twins were born.  But the more Laura avoids her, the clearer it becomes that what happened that day at Summerbourne may be worse than Seraphine imagined.  This book is ALL about the atmosphere.  It’s got a Gothic vibe, with the characters’ obsession with family and Summerbourne adding this super creepy edge to everything.  I can’t say that the plot is especially fantastic--I did see the ending coming, and I can’t say that much here was super revolutionary.  But the tone?  A+.

The Wicked King by Holly Black.  4/5.  In the sequel to The Cruel Prince, Jude has now had control of Cardan, the new High King, for five months.  This makes her the true power behind the throne--but her relationship with Cardan is not an easy alliance.  Struggling with her attraction to Cardan, Jude is warned that someone close to her is a traitor; and in order to keep her power, she must uncover that person’s identity as soon as possible.  This book was so dependent on the love-hate dynamic between Jude and Cardan working.  And oh, it does.  The tension between them simmers.  Their dynamic is easily the most compelling part of the book.  And the rest is good, too--I’m not one of those people that thinks Black has reinvented the wheel regarding the fairy thing in YA... because she hasn’t.  But this was *fun*, and I enjoyed it.  I could do without some of the cringey aspects of Black’s fairies (I refuse to call them faeries).  Overall, however, I’m really excited for the next book--the ending really sealed this one.

White Stag by Kara Barbieri.  2/5.  Janneke has lived in servitude to the goblin Soren for nearly a century, given to him by his wicked uncle, Lydian.  Just as she realizes that her humanity is slowly eroding, the Erlking dies, leaving a power vacuum.  Determined to keep Lydian from ascending to the throne, Janneke joins Soren in the hunt for the White Stag--the future king’s source of power--and along the way struggles with coming to terms with both her past trauma and her uncertain future.  This book has a great premise, but is bogged down by a lack of worldbuilding and slow pacing.  It just couldn’t keep my attention, despite the fact that I am an admitted sucker for sexy goblin books (HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO MEEEEEE).  Furthermore, although I appreciated Janneke’s trauma and the fact that she still hadn’t come to terms with it, something about the way it was handled felt rather clumsy?  Well-intended and not exploitative, but... yes, clumsy.  I wouldn’t be against trying something else by Barbieri as I think she has potential, but the pacing ultimately killed a lot of my interest in this one.

Our Year of Maybe by Rachel Lynn Solomon.  4/5.  Sophie and Peter have been best friends since childhood; and Peter has been sick the whole time.  Now that she’s turned eighteen, Sophie is donating her kidney to Peter; and she secretly hopes that this will be the catalyst for the change in their relationship that she’s long wanted.  But after the transplant, Peter is different--he’s free for the first time in his life.  Free to pursue new interests, a life separate from Sophie--and Chase, a boy he likes.  As Sophie and Peter grow apart--both struggling with guilt and gratitude--they find themselves forced to define a relationship that may be growing toxic.  First off, I love the way that Solomon writes her characters.  They’re so real and flawed and sometime straight-up assholes.  I also love that Peter is bi and this is just kind of a part of him--but a part he’s never really been able to explore, due to his illness.  There’s a lot at play here, and neither Sophie nor Peter get a villain edit, which is refreshing.  They just... are incredibly codependent.  And there is a good deal of attraction going on there, which adds to the complexity of what they’re dealing with.  And really, neither of them have ever had anyone else to lean on outside of family.  This book is basically just digging in to Sophie and Peter’s relationship; outside of that, there isn’t too much plot.  But that?  Is really good.  Is it quite as good as Solomon’s debut, “You’ll Miss Me When I’m Gone”?  Not really.  But God, she’s a breath of fresh air in YA contemporary.

Echo North by Joanna Ruth Meyer.  3/5.  After hardship debilitates his family, Echo’s father journeys out to sell his wares.  Echo finds him lost in the woods, at the mercy of the very same wolf that scarred her years before.  The wolf gives Echo an offer: if she spends a year in his home, her father will be set free.  Taking the deal, Echo finds herself in an ever-changing house full of living books and secret rooms, with the wolf as her constant companion.  He sleeps in her room at night, with only one rule: she must never light the candle to look at him in the dark.  As you can imagine, this is an “East of the Sun, West of the Moon” retelling.  And there were so many things I loved about it.  The writing style is super pretty, exactly what you’d want from a fairy tale.  Furthermore, Meyer plays with some really interesting concepts that I hadn’t seen before.  But... I never was as emotionally attached as I wanted to be.  Nothing really surprised me.  I’d like to see what she does next, but I do think she needs to work a bit on character development and emotional intensity.

[jflashandclash]

Traitors of Olympus IV: Fall of the Sun

Twenty-Seven: Axel

Organic Situational Awareness

(or: The Wrong Time for Pride)

           Jack went from sinister to hysterical within one breath. Axel could imagine his surrogate father shift from a generalized glance, to narrowing in on him. This usually preceded an embarrassing story. Instead of an embarrassing story, Jack came near a sob. “My boy! Axel, my boy! We saw her, we saw my wonderful Flynn! That militaristic bitch-god of war, and Flynn’s fashionist ice cleft of a mother—they have her!  They have my amazing Flynn!”

           Axel clenched his teeth. He didn’t consider that Jack must have gone through the Princess Andromeda on the way down here. It would have destroyed the maniac to see Flynn and do nothing to help her.

           If Euna could hear Jack’s rambling, she gave no indication.

           Thalia snapped out of her surprise first. “Euna!” she called over Jack’s continued ramblings about the Ballad of Descent and Snack Breaks. The latter, something Axel’s stomach said they should have taken more of.

           “Wait,” Reyna whispered.

           Before she or Axel could grab Thalia’s arm, the huntress stepped forward.

           Axel could imagine Reyna’s complaint later, Don’t any of you know how to formulate a plan? I would have better luck attacking Russia in winter!

           Axel didn’t dare step after Thalia. A closer proximity to Kronos’ scythe might cloud his already foggy thoughts. He had never heard, had never felt, the Leonis Caput helm, itself, scream. It sent a jolt of terror through him. Pax had been through so much; Axel trembled to think of what might be happening topside to make the helm itself worry.

           At least everyone had heard the helm make that noise. That was new. He didn’t want to tell the others, “Oh, normally my helmet just talks in my head.” Out of the people here, only Reyna might have the slightest idea of what that meant, and he really rather she didn’t.

           When he tested the proximity to Backbiter, leaning towards Euna, reaching a hand out after Thalia, his mind sharpened. The Leonis Caput’s internal panic softened in the presence of its commander.

           It helped him comprehend what happened next.

           Thalia slid her bow onto the back, briskly closing the distance between she and Euna. “Hey, Euna, I’m talking to you! I didn’t swim through a river of blood—”

           Something made a crunch under Thalia’s boot when she was about five feet from Euna.

           “Wrong step, huntress!” Jack taunted.

           Axel had enough time to realize that Jack must not have been able to make out Thalia’s features in the dark, else her moniker would have been something much less polite and something that would incur a reprimanding from Axel since he’d grown to like Thalia.[1]

           Several small somethings exploded from the dirt at Thalia’s feet.

           “Styx!” was all she got out before those things wrapped around her and dragged her to the ground.

           A small burst of electricity temporarily freed the huntress, so she could fumble an arm out, before the snake-like forms entrapped her again. Within a breath, she was cocooned on the floor. The cocoon rocked slightly, emitting the occasional muffled swearwords. The swearing, at least, meant she could breathe.  Vines, Axel realized. Hopefully not poisonous ones this time.

           Calex took a step backwards in dismay.

           Reyna fingered her knife. Axel felt like he could sense Reyna calculate how dangerous Euna was and the quickest way to take her down.

           Euna’s head twitched. She glanced over her shoulder at the organically and all-natural, mummified Lieutenant of Artemis. “Hm?” she said, reaching up to pull something from her ear. Plants curled out of her hair and towards them, like they were tiny, environmentally-friendly radar guns. Her eyes looked like absent pits of blackness, similar to the cliff’s edge.

           Maybe Axel shouldn’t have felt it, but pride lifted his stomach. Euna had listened and learned. “Now that is a way to deal with a lack of situational awareness,” he muttered.

           Reyna shot him a look, then her eyes glanced from Thalia to the daughter of Demeter.

           “Oh,” Euna said, like they stumbled upon each other outside an ice cream shop. “Hi Calex, Axel, Praetor chick.”

           Calex gave her an uncomfortable wave and slung his bow over his back. His eyes darted from Thalia, back to Euna.

           Axel nodded his head to her. Then, he registered her shirt was torn open and immediately adverted his gaze. He wanted to scold Calex, but the Brit wasn’t reacting like he’d noticed her tattered state. For a bewildering moment, Axel had to wonder if Calex secretly saw everyone naked all the time. He could imagine Calex’s explanation now, “It’s an Eros thing.”

           Reyna frowned at Euna. “Daughter of Demeter, we came here to talk, as friends and allies. That—” She gestured to the squirming cocoon. “—is a friend.”

           “She’s safer in there,” Euna said, the comment indicating she knew Thalia’s exact identity. “Jack droned on a lot about things he’d like to do to some of the people he doesn’t like. I’ll need him singing soon and, until I no longer need him alive or can focus on shutting him up, she’ll be safer in there.”

           “Euna said she’ll let me keep my tongue if I’m a good boy,” Jack said. The pride with which he said it indicated that he thought he’d earned the appendage.

           “Or,” Calex said, his voice trembling, “We could toss that mad bloke’s head over the side of the cliff there, and we can head topside, out of this nightmare.”

           Axel needed to know how she would respond. He made a mental note to apologize to Euna later and glanced up at her face.

           She shook her head. “No. Jack said you’d come—”

           “Lucky, prophetic guess,” Jack hummed.

           “—and I need your help. Well, really Calex’s help, I think. Though, the two of you are supposed to be here.”

           Calex pressed his lips together in concern.

           Reyna clenched her fist.

           Looking at Euna, something was very clear: she didn’t need saving. Axel wasn’t sure she needed them at all. He puffed up his cheeks and popped them, exhaling deeply. He’d feared she had died in the Labyrinth, and they’d find her corpse. This was no corpse. This wasn’t the Euna he’d first met on the quest to Howe Cavern to save Rachel Elizabeth Dare, but this was still Euna.

           Judging by her resolve—the way she’d casually trapped a girl she had a crush on—Axel knew what was about to happen next. He glanced at the Leonis Caput helm latched to Calex’s belt. The imperial golden gleam made him nauseous still, but he’d need to don it. His eyes trailed to the scythe at Euna’s side.

           Hello Lieutenant, came the cold greeting of Kronos.

           He tried not to flinch and to focus on the tension unfolding before him.

           “Euna, we are here to help you,” Reyna said. Axel got the feeling he and Reyna shared another flaw: they weren’t great at gentle negotiation. “Put Saturn’s scythe down and the Plague Bringer’s head. Leave them here. We can travel back to the surface world. Our other friends up there are in danger. They need our help.”

           Euna looked annoyed.

           As Axel suspected, the daughter of Demeter had probably zoned out while Reyna was talking and just realized she was expected to respond.

           “Euna…” Calex said.

           Euna’s eyes flashed over to him, then returned to Reyna. “You don’t want me taking a piece of Kaos,” she said. “Backbiter told me.” Euna shrugged. “I’m going to kill your gods, Praetor. I can the others in a bit, but it would be dumb not to do this first.”

           “I’m a protector of New Rome. I can’t let you do that if your intention is to kill the gods,” Reyna said. She took a step forward. Reyna was at a major strategic disadvantage and she knew it.  Euna brought a small army of plants with her, and they didn’t know where else Euna had planted—Pax would laugh at that one—traps.

           Axel grabbed Reyna’s wrist.

           “And I can’t let you stop her,” he said.

           With his other hand, he withdrew his gladius and tossed it to the side. As he’d learned before, the blade wouldn’t help him in a fight against the daughter of war.

           Reyna’s glare was icy. “Axel,” she said. Her muscles tensed under his grip.

           “Mate?” Calex asked warily.

           Axel flicked out the stiletto attached to his wrist: a Mayan weapon, one he hoped the Roman goddess wouldn’t be able to influence or control, especially in the depths of Tartarus. Knife to stiletto: a very intimate fight.

           “What did the gods just do to my little brother?” Axel asked. Tears threatened to choke him when he thought about Pax pinned to The Princess Andromeda’s deck, withering in pain, sobbing, and screaming at Ares, unable to do anything as Axel—his protector, his older brother—lifted Pax’s head up to execute him. The way Pax quieted to spare Axel’s feelings, like getting his own dagger shoved into his throat was no biggie. The way Axel let all of his pride crumble, begging to be Aphrodite’s sex slave in exchange for his brother’s life, only to plea to apathetic ears.

           “I was too weak to dethrone an unjust tyrant,” Axel said, his voice trembling. “If I think someone is stronger than me, strong enough to succeed at bringing justice to the world where I failed, I have no other option but to help that person.”

           “Thanks, Axel,” Euna said, though Axel couldn’t look to see her expression now. “I really don’t want to have to kill the praetor. I know you like her and stuff.”

           By now, his and Reyna’s arms trembled as Axel tried to hold her wrist in place and she tried to withdraw. He thought about their time in the tent, about how she’d almost stabbed him through the heart. He wondered if this would be it, if they’d never get to “spar” again.

           “Attempting to tear off a piece of Kaos could kill her,” Reyna said through gritted teeth.

           Axel didn’t turn away from Reyna when he raised his voice to ask, “Euna, do you accept this could possibly kill you?”

           “Duh,” she muttered dully. For a faint moment, he could imagine Joey scolding her sister for stealing the little sister’s typical response.

           Despite everything, it made him smile.

           Reyna twisted her wrist, breaking his grip.

           She shoved him off.

           Axel took a step backwards, closer to Calex. He kept his stiletto in a defensive position.

           Calex flinched away. “Axel, have you gone mental?!”

           Quite the contrast, Axel felt uncanny clarity. He reached backwards, grabbed the Leonis Caput helm, and slit the tethering off Calex’s bag.

           “Sorry. I’ll be needing this,” Axel said.

           This was the one place they, the Leonis Caput and Axel, might be able to beat Reyna: in Tartarus, away from her mother’s realm, with his master’s blade so close.

           Reyna’s dark gaze flicked from him, to Calex, to Euna. Strands of hair had escaped her braid. Some stuck to her face with the dried blood from the river. Some was caught in the updraft, fluttering around like her purple cloak. Despite all of that, she still looked beautiful. However, with the nothingness behind her, Reyna looked smaller and less prepared than she usually did.

           She had nowhere to go. Strange to be cornered in the middle of an open abyss.

           Reyna exhaled and narrowed her gaze. “Calex, go get Euna,” Reyna said. Axel could see the tension run through her body as she prepared for an attack. They had battled and danced so often, he and the Leonis Caput could practically sense her wind up for a lunge.

           “Yes, Calex,” Axel said, feeling a slight grin tug on his lips as he lifted the Leonis Caput helm back to his face. “Go to the Sickle Wielder.”

 Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed! :D Shit’s getting real!

Footnote:

[1] Definitely still views her as someone who betrayed Luke. Eh, what’s a best friend to do?