#11/10 would recommend to a friend and read infinitely again

[defeateddetectives]

9 Fandom Peeps to Get to Know Better

thank youuu @coquelicoq for the tag! yes this is an entire month late because of who i am as a person :'D

3 ships you like: actually gonna give some real estate to the ones i have NOT been rotating nonstop on this space like a rotisserie chicken lately to mix things up!

1) hiyakawa/mikado (the night beyond the tricornered window) - a plug for my tiny, spooky, hilarious and obscure af manga series that blindsided me with its pathos (and because i want everyone to read it and then create some very niche fan-content for me specifically! :D wait who said that!) emotionally oblivious loser 4 emotionally oblivious loser!!! except they're emotionally oblivious in fun, complementary ways! their whole journey is absolutely bonkers and unexpectedly heartfelt, and yes, exorcism should be this hot always!

2) natsume/tanuma (natsume yuujinchou) - i know that no one will believe me when i say that this is still THE natsume yuujinchou ship to me at the end of the day! something something if i loved it less i might be able to talk about it more! but lonely kids finding one another and making each other's lives SO MUCH BETTER solely for existing in each other's orbit and being such a paragon of healthy, functional communication and trust and growing connection that still floors me to this day (and with such courage and eloquence that most adults still cannot manage...i say...sideeyeing two v specific adults)!!! theirs was the thread that pulled me into the series to begin with (i literally just watched all the tanuma eps on first pass) and i'm still so grateful for them and everything about them

3) jack rackham/anne bonny (black sails) - platonic/queerplatonic/romantic/whichever combo or other nebulous way you slice it! THE soulmates of all time that haunt me on the regular and really said to the audience: watch us take your expectations and definitions and parameters of love, joyfully smash it to smithereens, and create something so tremendously unrecognizable and beautiful. truly partners till they put us in the fucking ground!!!

first ship ever: the first fanfic i stumbled upon in my life featured taichi and yamato from digimon adventure. i still remember this because it was interspersed with an edit of yamato in a dress and posted on ye olde personal webpages and shown to me by a school friend, both of us looking like the :o face incarnate. we were Babies. it was a Time. i don't even think i knew what a ship was at the time but hashtag formative things!

last song you heard: it's been a grimes & janelle monae - venus fly kinda day

favourite childhood book: soft spot for whitechurch by chris lynch forever. i think i read it maybe in high school? it rewired my brain and is probably a huge part of why i am the way i am/write the way i do subconsciously.

currently reading: does vi bullying me into danmei count? in which case, global examination....at snail's pace. in this house we love and appreciate a good arson!

currently watching: recently started rewatching the original a:tla for the first time since it finished airing after trying and failing miserably with the live action :( only a few episodes in but augh its still so good and some things hit even harder with foreknowledge. there will never really be another character arc like zuko's ever again.

currently consuming: a smoothie! i've discovered i am a fan of almond butter when dunked in a blender with berries, yogurt and milk. 11/10 would recommend!

currently craving: earlier today i was daydreaming of bbq so let's go with that

super low pressure tagging @endless-season @half-infinite @argyros @fadedclxssic @caroline-hill @kastellaran @doubleboyfriend @constastan @spookirou and as always, everyone is welcome to steal

[thisonesatellite]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by the amazing and infinitely talented @voylitscope. Thank you so much! 💕💕💕

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

37.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

607,929

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now primarily stucky /MCU.

i got started with CS /OUAT (which i no longer write for), and have also ventured into dramione /HP (where i will go again as soon as i have some time).

i also wrote one Leverage fic, which --- guys, i don't know what happened there. It just knocked on my door and demanded to be written. 🤷‍♀️

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

This is interesting. i would have thought the OUAT fics would grab all top 5 spots, because they've been around the longest, but actually---

we build our lives out of chaos and hope - dramione

Burn To Shine - stucky

The Unexpected Life - CS

break me - CS

if you live by the word, you die by the pen - CS

If you're counting by fandom, well -- i mean, i have exactly five stucky fics so far. That's the top five right there. 😂 (There will be more soon, and then we can see who grabs the brass rings.)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

ALWAYS. Always always always. i love comments. They make my day.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

OK. Like. i don't write angsty endings, OK? i may or may not put my characters through the fucking wringer during a fic, but i ALWAYS HEA them, you feel me.

Having said that, i think militae species amor est (CS) is the one with the least openly stated fluff at the end. (Then again, the title is a quote i ripped off Ovid which means "love is a kind of warfare". Take from that what you will. 😂)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Uh, all of them? i happy end HARD, ok?

If you're going to make me pick, for stucky it's probably a tie between Burn To Shine and a handful of dust. (So far. There will be others.)

For all of my fic across fandoms, it's everybody knows (CS). Which is also by far the most complex emotional character arcs for an OTP i've ever wrapped around an impossibly complicated plot line. And angst abounded here. Such abounding. The ending had to make up for it and consequently will rot every last one of your teeth.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not so far. i once had someone tell me in great detail why they didn't like my writing style, but while i did wonder why they bothered to read my fic in the first place if my style wasn't for them, i don't count it as hate.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Ah. The eternal question. No, i don't. i don't know how. i don't think there's anything wrong with smut at all, but i can't write it.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i don't write crossovers. Lots of AUs, but no crossovers. i don't like to cross the streams. 😂

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that i know of, knock on wood.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! My lovely and wonderful friend @mariakov81 translated her birthday fic ad extremum terrae into Ukrainian. i may have cried when she told me.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes. The Sword and The Heart - with the amazing and talented @ohmightydevviepuu. It was one of the hardest and yet one of the most rewarding experiences of my writing life and i strongly recommend the process to every writer out there. The things you will learn about yourself and your writing are immeasurable, and you will emerge a better writer for it.

Also, it was so much fun.

(All the credit here goes to @ohmightydevviepuu, whose patience was infinite every time i went and did A Thing with the plot and the characters. She is the reason we have a fic at all.)

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

i think stucky will always have a place in my heart. (So will many others, some of which i don't even write for, but stucky is my fave, i think.)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

None. i am a very linear writer. i write one fic at a time. Therefore i never have any additional WIPs cooking, and so i do finish everything i start.

i know. So annoying. 😂

16. What are your writing strengths?

Character development, realistic dialogue, action. (Also probably plot underpinned by emotion. While i'm patting myself on the back here.)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

SMUT. i cannot write it (as stated above). Which means there will always be a sense of the explicit lacking in my fic, and i'm sorry for that. But i can't change it.

And certain popular tropes--- some of them perennial favorites--- do nothing for me, so i am also unable to write them.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i have utilized the fact that i speak more than one language, and have several good friends who speak other languages, in some of my stucky fics. But i will say that sometimes it's hard to keep true to the characters in a different language.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Once Upon A Time (OUAT). It's the one that started it all. i was never going to write, you know. And then, one day, i--- did.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

OMG. You're going to make me choose? Between all the blood, toil, tears, and sweat on every page? Yes, i'm being dramatic.

My favorite fic (IF i HAVE TO PICK ONE) is probably we kill the flame (CS). It plays in my favorite sandbox -- cyberpunk dystopia -- and i built an entire world for it. In painstaking detail.

My favorite stucky (so far) is probably despite all my rage - for much the same reasons: World building and cyberpunk dystopia. Also because it has my favorite Sam and Clint.

Honorable mention has to go to Burn To Shine (stucky), which introduced me to the pure and unadulterated fun that is Grumpy!Bucky (who is now my favorite chew toy), as well as the disaster muppet combo that is Scott and Clint, and we build our lives out of chaos and hope (dramione), because i went on a thinly-veiled political tear halfway through it and still cannot believe i got away with it.

.

Absolutely zero pressure tags for @sparkagrace , @cable-knit-sweater, @buckybarnesdeservestobehappy, @wistfulcynic, @ohmightydevviepuu, and @mxaether 💕

[northoftheroad]

Dick and Tim – brothers in arms

So I got this ask. And it’s a good thing I got it the first night of my summer vacation, and the weather hasn't been great ;-)

Once I started digging for comics with both Tim and Dick, I found several that I've never read. I got the impression Anonymous would like a complete list, so I just kept going. But this means I don't know if they even interact in some of the books, or if they make "blink and you miss it" guest appearances.

I'm sorry if they, by any chance, was asking for reading recommendations for good Dick and Tim moments and not The Complete List... Looking at the number of comics here that I haven't read/can't remember, I'm not really qualified to answer that. But if I had to try, I would mention:  

A Lonely Place of Dying

The New Titans #65

All issues of Nightwing vol 2 with Robin as a guest star, including Nightwing Annual #1 but excluding Annual # 2.

Showcase '93 #11-12

Knightfall Prodigal

Robin vol 2 #10, (DickRobin and TimRobin!) 175

Young Justice vol 1 #22

Teen Titans vol 3 #6

Bruce Wayne – Murderer and Fugitive

Birds of Prey #19

Batman: Gotham Knights # 8-11, 45

Red Robin #11-14

Batman: Gates of Gotham

That being said. Here is, as far as I can find, every comic where both Dick Grayson and Tim Drake have made an appearance (pre-Flashpoint):

Batman vol 1 #436. By Marv Wolfman, art Pat Broderick and John Beatty.

Batman # 436. (Tim's first appearance, in the circus audience the day Dick's parents were killed.) (1989)

A Lonely Place of Dying. Batman #440-442, New Titans #60-61. (When Tim tries to talk Dick into becoming Robin again but ends up wearing the Robin suit himself to help Batman and Robin.) (1990)

The New Titans #64 (1990)

The New Titans #65. By Marv Wolfman, art Tom Grummet and Al Vey.

The New Titans #65. (Tim turns up at Dick's place to learn what it is to be Batman's partner.) (1990)

Batman vol 1 #455 (1990)

Batman: Shadow of the Bat #1-2 (1992)

Superman: The Man of Steel #20 (1993)

Superman vol 2 #76 (1993)

Batman vol 1 #500 (1993)

New Titans #100 (1993)

Showcase '93 #11-12 (1993)

Justice League of America #70 (1993)

Bloodbath #1-2 (1994)

Batman vol 1 #510 (1994)

Robin vol 2 #0, 8 (1994)

Robin vol 2 #10. By Chuck Dixon, art Tom Grummett and Ray Kryssing.

Robin vol 2 #10 (DickRobin meets TimRobin during Zero Hour. DickRobin is also seen in a panel in Batman vol 1 #511 and Zero Hour: Crisis in Time #4 .) (1994)

Zero Hour: Crisis in Time #1-3 (1994)

Detective Comics #676-677 (1994)

Batman: Shadow of the Bat #29-30 (1994)

Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #62 (1994)

Knightfall Prodigal (Dick's first longer stint as Batman. And he takes care of Tim and the Manor on his own!) In Batman #512-514, Batman: Shadow of the Bat #32-34, Robin # 11-13, Detective Comics #679-681. (1994-1995)

Batman vol 1 #515 (1995)

Detective Comics #686 (1995)

Robin vol 2 #23 (1995)

Green Arrow vol 2 #101 (1995)

Contagion (Detective Comics #696, Batman vol 1 #529, Batman: Shadow of the Bat #49, Batman vol 1 #533, Azrael vol 1 #16, Robin vol 2 #28, Catwoman vol 2 #31) (1996)

The Final Night #2-3 (1996)

Robin vol 2 #29, 32-33 (1996)

Catwoman vol 2 #36 (1996)

Batman: Shadow of the Bat #53-54 (1996)

Detective Comics #698-701 (1996)

Marvel versus DC / DC versus Marvel #2 (1996)

Nightwing vol 2 # 6. (Tim and Dick talk and fight crooks.) (1997)

Batman: Bane (1997)

Ningtwing Annual #1. By Devin Grayson, art Greg Land and Bob McLeod.

Nightwing vol 2 Annual #1. (When Dick fake-marries a girl to investigate if she has murdered her previous husbands.) (1997)

Genesis #1 (1997)

Robin vol 2 #47-48 (1997)

Detective Comics #721, 724 (1998)

Nightwing vol 2 # 20. (Part of Cataclysm.) (1998)

Robin vol 2 #53 (1998)

Nightwing vol 2 # 25. (Tim and Dick talk and ride on train roofs. Dick has decided to become a cop.) (1998)

Batman 80-page Giant #1 (1998)

Brotherhood of the fist (Detective Comics #723, Robin vol 2 #55, Nightwing vol 2 # 28, Green Arrow 3 #135) (1998)

Batman: Bane of the Demon #4 (1998)

Batman vol 1 #554, 556, 560 (1998)

Detective Comics #727-729 (1998-1999)

JLA/Titans: Technis Imperative (1998-1999)

DC Universe Holiday Bash #3 (1999)

Batman 80-page Giant #2 (1999)

Young Justice: Secret Files and Origins #1 (1999)

Batman: Day of Judgment (Zombies...) (1999)

Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #120 (1999)

Robin vol 2 #71 (1999)

Young Justice vol 1 #7 (1999)

Batman and Superman: World's Finest #10 (2000)

No Man's Land. (Robin vol 2 #67, Batman vol 1 #562, Detective Comics #741, Batman: Shadow of the Bat #95, Batman: Legend of the Dark Knight #120, 126, Azrael: Agent of the Bat #56) (1999-2000)

Detective Comics #741 (2000)

Robin vol 2 #74, 76, 82 (2000)

Superman Y2K #1 (2000)

Batman: Gotham Knights #10. By Devin Grayson, art Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez and Rober Robinson.

Batman: Gotham Knights #10-11 (2000)

Batman: Outlaws 1-3 (2000)

Young Justice vol 1 #22 (2000)

Birds of Prey vol 1 #19 (2000)

JLA: Secret Files #3 (2000)

The Hunt for Oracle. (Birds of Prey vol 1 #20-22. Nightwing vol 2 #46.) (2000)

Superboy vol 3 #74 (2000)

Young Justice: Sins of Youth #1 (2000)

Young Justice: Sinds of Youth Secret Files # 1 (2000)

Titans #12 (2000)

Green Lantern: Circle of Fire #1 (2000)

Batman: Gotham Knights #1 (2000)

Harley Quinn #6 (2001)

Birds of Prey # 27 (2001)

Catwoman vol 2 #90 (2001)

Young Justice: Our World's at War #1 (2001)

World's Finest: Our World's at War #1 (2001)

Joker: Last Laugh. (The Joker "jokerize" a number of metahuman villains. In the later part, Joker taunts Nightwing with that he has killed Tim, just as he did Jason. Dick loses it and punches Joker to death, but Batman turns up and resuscitates Joker). (2001)

Harley Quinn #11-12 (2001)

Robin vol 2 #86, 95 (2001)

Gods of Gotham. (Wonder Woman #166-167.) (2001)

Wonder Woman vol 2 #175 (2001)

Nightwing vol 2 #63. (The aftermath of Joker: Last Laugh, where Dick is too depressed to work as Nightwing. Robin and Blue Beetle take his place in Blüdhaven this issue, so they don't actually meet.) (2002)

Azrael: Agent of the Bat #94 (2002)

Young Justice vol 1 #40 (2002)

Birds of Prey vol 1 #37. (2002)

Batman/Nightwing: Bloodborne (2002)

Batman: Gotham Knights #26. By Devin Grayson, art Roger Robinson and John Floyd. 

Bruce Wayne: Murderer and Bruce Wayne: Fugitive (Batgirl vol 1 #27, Nightwing #68-69, Batman: Gotham Knight #26, 28, 30, Birds of Prey vol 1 #40, 43, Batman #600, 605.) (Bruce is accused of murder and refuses to defend himself, and eventually escapes and intends to drop the identity of Bruce Wayne. Dick refuses to believe that Bruce can be a murderer and it causes a bit of friction with Tim.)

Batman: Gotham Knights #32-36 (2002-2003)

Batman: Gotham Knights #38, 42, 46 (2003)

Titans/Young Justice: Graduation Day # 1-3 (2003)

Detective Comics #782 (2003)

JLA/JSA: Virtue & Vice (2003)

Batman vol 1 #615 (Part of Hush) (2003)

Robin vol 2 #108-110, 118 (2003)

Batman: Family # 6-8 (2003)

Teen Titans/Outsiders Secret Files (2003)

JLA: Welcome to the Working Week (2003)

Identity Crisis # 1 (2004)

Robin vol 2 #120 (But not really – the issue is about how Tim has been stalking his friends, imagining them as traitors, including Dick.) (2004)

Robin vol 2 #125 (2004)

Teen Titans vol 3 #6. By Geoff Johns, art Mike McKone and Marlo Alquiza.

Teen Titans vol 3 #6 (2004)

Batgirl vol 1 # 46, 50 (2004)

Superman/Batman #5, 13 (2004)

War Games. (Nightwing vol 2 #97-98, Batman vol 1 #631-634, Detective Comics #799, Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #183-184, Gotham Knights #57) (2004)

Detective Comics # 800 (2005)

Teen Titans vol 3 # 21-25 (2005)

Outsiders vol 3 #25 (2005)

Teen Titans/Outsiders Secret Files (2005)

Nightwing vol 2 # 110. By Devin Grayson, art Phil Hester and Ande Parks.

Nightwing vol 2 #110. (During a period when Dick left the Nightwing identity.) (2005)

Infinite Crisis.  (2005-2006)

Action Comics # 841-843 (2006)

Adventures of Superman #648 (2006)

Nightwing vol 2 Annual # 2. (I honestly don't recommend this, but in the spirit of making a complete list... Tim is visible in two panels, overlapping with Infinite Crisis where Dick almost dies. Otherwise, it's a retelling of the revamped history of Dick and Barbara, including some things that no-one who likes Dick Grayson would agree is in-character.) (2007)

Teen Titans vol 3 #43 (2007)

Gotham: Underground # 1 (2007)

Wonder Woman Annual vol #1 (2007)

Countdown #43 (2007)

52 #30 (2007)

JLA: Classified #34 (2007)

Robin vol 2 #156 (2007)

Shadowpact #10 (2007)

Tales of the Sinestro Corps: Superman-Prime #1 (2007)

Nightwing vol 2 #142. By Peter J Tomasi, penciller Rags Morales.

Freefall (Nightwing vol 2 # 140–146). (One of the very best story arcs of any Nightwing comic. It has gruff Bruce, brotherly bonding, Nightwing and Robin infiltrating an island...) (2008)

Batman: Underground # 6-7 (2008)  

Green Latern vol 4 #25 (2008)

Titans vol 2 #1 (2008)

Robin vol 2 #178 (2008)

Batgirl vol 2 #1 (2008)

The Resurrection of Ra's al Ghul. (Robin vol 2 #169, Nightwing vol 2 #138-139, Detective Comics #839). (2007-2008)

DC Special: Cyborg #2-5 (2008)

Robin vol 2 # 175. (Some fun panels with flashbacks with Dick and Tim.) (2008)

Batman vol 1 #675, 678, 681 (2008)

DC Universe: Lats Will and Testament #1 (2008)

Final Crisis #3 (2008)

Detective Comics #847 (2008)

Batgirl vol 2 # 5-6 (2009)

Superman/Batman #55 (2009)

Detective Comics #850 (2009)

Nightwing vol 2 # 151. (The issue ends with some family time with Dick, Tim and Alfred.) (2009)

Nightwing vol 2 # 153. (Last issue, Dick moves from New York to Gotham and Wayne Manor.) (2009)

Superman #682 (2009)

Teen Titans vol 3 #75 (2009)

Final Crisis: Legion of Three Worlds #5 (2009)

Robin vol 2 #181, 183 (2009)

Batman vol 1 #686 (2009)

Battle for the Cowl # 1-3. (Jason intends to become the Batman "Gotham needs". When Tim can't convince Dick to take up the cowl, he dresses up as Batman himself to fight Jason. In the end, Dick defeats Jason – and becomes Batman.) (2009)

Batman: Blackest Night #1-3 (2009)

Red Robin 1 # 1, 4 (2009)

Batman vol 1 #697, 702, 703 (2010)

Batman: Gates of Gotham #13 (2010)

Red Robin # 11-15 (2010)

Superman/Batman #76 (2010)

Teen Titans vol 3 #88-89 (2010)

Batman: Orphans #1-2 (2011)

Birds of Prey vol 2 #10 (2011)

Gotham City Sirens # 22 (2011)

Secret Six vol 3 #36 (2011)

Batman: Gates of Gotham #1-5 (2011)

Batman vol 1 #708-709 (2011)

Detective Comics #872, 874, 877, 880, 881 (2011)

Red Robin # 22, 23, 26 (2011)

I'm going to skip post-Flashpoint because, well, there's hardly anything there. The worst thing with Flashpoint/New 52, in my opinion, was that it destroyed relationships between characters who used to be family, but ended up hardly knowing or even liking each other. :-( 

Detective Comics #975. By James Tynion IV, art Álvaro Martínez and Raúl Fernández. 

The only panel worth mentioning with Dick and Tim is from DC #975. Yes, it's sad – one of the best brotherly relationships in DC turned into dust. Here's to hoping future writers will pick up on their wonderful dynamic at some time.

(The pictures in the header are from: Red Robin #12, Young Justice vol 1 #22, Showcase ‘93 #12, Batman #441, Nightwing vol 2 #6, 25.) 

[hopeless-nostalgiac]

2020 IN WRITING

tagged by @loudlooks 

tagging: I haven’t been around, so I don’t know who’s writing anymore *shrug* If you want to, go ahead!

1. List of works published this year:

With Finer Grit - Chapter 10

with all appliances and means to boot

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

The update to WFG because it was so long in the making (4! years!). Really thought I’d never continue it. I liked the other piece, too, because I actually had fun writing it. Team Leader Tony is one of my favorite Tonys.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

The update to WFG because I see the flaws and I might have ruined it with that last scene. Welp.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

They dozed together in the dark of her bedroom. They weren’t cuddlers, per se. Their connections left them too sensitive, sticky and unspooled. They stayed close, though. Touching random pieces of her to him, him to her. His head resting on her bicep curled closest to the mattress. Her ankle molded to the arch of his foot. Sometimes as conventional as their hands laid one atop the other, fingers loose.

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

Hmm. Not many reviews these days. I cherished all the feedback from @mcgeekle *hugs*

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Pretty much every time I sat down to write. 

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Um. I attempted to write smut, but never got to the actual smut part of the ficlet, so...I don’t think it counts. Also I tried writing Orli, which was interesting, if ultimately futile. 

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I know for a fact I did not grow because I did not put honest effort into it. 

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I’d like to find a way to write again, regularly and with pleasure. Not sure how to achieve that, yet. Might need to find fresh inspiration. 

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

@mcgeekle such a sweetheart, so helpful and motivating and gives great insight, only wish I could return the favor somehow *more hugs*

@loudlooks read drafts of my work (that didn’t even became a thing) when she wasn’t feeling tiva, now that’s a writerly friend *hugs*

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Nope, and I think that’s part of the problem. 

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Not really new, but...write ideas/characters/worlds that interest you, make you laugh, send you flying back to the computer to write whenever you have the chance. Write what makes you want to keep writing.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Maybe finish WFG for good? Blessing could be continued...if I was so inclined. 

Mostly, like @loudlooks, I have a ton of WIPs. Seriously it’s disgraceful. There was the smut thing (it’s a tiva shower fic cause we need another of those). I’ve been dabbling with a New Year’s Eve tiva ficlet--for a couple years now. There’s a Hanukkah fic which would indeed be a miracle if I could finish it. A random piece on post-S17 Ziva. A S11 AU that gets bigger every time I think about it. A post-elevator fic that’s also a puppy fic (don’t ask). 

Then there’s a category of WIPs I previously released as part of Tiva Amnesty, but that I go stare at on occasion to torture myself. It’s fun. The biggest culprits are: --Tender Curiosity (S8 AU Ziva is preggers, but it’s not Tony’s; angst and deep friendship exploration ensue) --The Villa (S12 AU Tony and Ziva reunite at an Italian chateau, but it doesn’t go the way he planned) --Land I Grew (S7 Ziva and Tony rebuilding, one mattress at a time)

If the middles and endings of any (or all) of those want to suddenly be fully formed in my mind, that would be great.

To be honest, I think I have outgrown writing Tiva and that’s why it’s nearly impossible to produce these works, and thus why my writing has stalled completely.  

14. If you could recommend only one work from yourself published this year:

with all appliances and means to boot because it stands alone, at least.

15. Year word count:

WFG chapter = 2,331

With all appliances, etc. = 3,261

Drafts upon drafts, random crap, fiddling with WIPs = infinite

[theindigomillennialchronicles]

Blog Entry 6

08/30/2021

10 days ago marked the 2 year anniversary of the death of my best friend of 11 years. She was born 03/11/1996, died 08/20/2019, right before the pandemic started rampaging. Writing that word, “died”…it’s hard. Harder to say. It’s been a rough time since then. I went into the pandemic already severely depressed, anxious and grieving for her loss. Then I got reinjured at work and fell behind on bills because my doctor didn’t properly fill out a document so my 7 months worth of worker’s compensation claims were denied. A lot has happened. I mean A LOT. I know nobody actually reads this blog. I use it more for a place to vent and make order of the emotional soup and rampaging mess that are my thoughts. I’ve spoken to 3 therapists in that time and all of them recommended I should go to a psychiatrist, that I might need to be medicated. Unfortunately all of that is expensive and I fell so far behind on my bills from the 7 months of no income that everything I started earning once I got cleared to return to work, I used to catch up as much as I could. I ended my marriage in 2019 as well. The loss of Lash (my bff) made me realize how short life is and how one day I could die, seemingly out of nowhere and have never cared about my happiness. I had to be selfish for a time, I had to choose me and in that process I realized something about myself. I’m polyamorous. Maybe I’ll get into all that in the next blog entry.

Not everything that has happened has been negative, however. After 7 year of destroying my body and mental health, I quit my federal job and decided to start over somewhere new. I’m moving to the country and am going to start my dream of building a self sufficient homestead. Getting into all those details would entitle an entirely different blog so I’ll move past that to the biggest blessing I have received. Sometime through my time being separated and decide to focus on me I met her. We met at the club, she asked me for my number, and for someone severely introverted that gets you points. Anyway I gave her my info that night and six months later, I asked her to be my girlfriend on a camping trip. Being polyamorous is weird sometimes. To experience the heartbreak of ending a marriage while experiencing he high of falling in love with someone new made me feel like I was going insane. At times guilty as if I was wrong, but after all this time to be home and do research, educate myself and speak to others like me, I learned that it was normal and it would all fall into place with time. Spoiler, it did.

Fast forward to today, I’m writing again, my mental health is still a struggle but I’ve cleared the mind space enough to remember my passions. I have project ideas and new ways to share infinite consciousness with those around me. September 1st we are leaving on our long road trip north to a new adventure, and the best part is I for once feel safe and like I’m not carrying the weight of the world and it’s responsibilities alone. She showed me a new kind of love. I’m beyond grateful to have her in my life.

So that’s what I have been up to…anyway, now that we got that over with I have some of those random thoughts to share. I started reading a revised version of the Gnostic Bible and it pushed me to these random thoughts. See, I’ve always felt this weird fear with religion. I mean apart from the trauma of growing up in a aggressively Pentecostal household, as an adult religion makes a weird dark feeling crawl up my spine. According to the Gnostics, the god of the christian bible is actually the bad son of the actual real life force energy and this planet was created out of envy and jealousy. Making it the reason why this world is so full of darkness, pain and anguish. They say we were imprisoned in this physical form by a him as a way to try and harness the energy our souls carry. The way to salvation being knowledge, not as in book smart but as in true infinite wisdom. The knowledge of ourselves, past present future all connecting us to the real creator.

I’m still working on finishing the book but just the bit I read opened up a whole new can of worms because lately I’ve been feeling off. My existential crisis has been flaring, I find myself disassociating a lot or going about my days in a fog. I hear things when nothing is there and I’ve been absorbing people’s emotions too much for my own good. I get random moments of extreme sadness on days when my morning went great. Idk how my gf deals with it but she’s been keeping me grounded. She has bpd, and adhd so she has her own battles to fight and I always help her as I should, we keep each other above water, yet I feel most days she’s better of without me, not because I’m no good but because I feel like I wont ever feel normal, like I don’t belong in this reality. There’s a darkness about this dimension. IDK wtf is going on but people are walking around empty eyed, I guess a pandemic will do that to us.

I’m not giving up, don’t worry, but I keep feeling like a huge change is coming and if I don’t do something about my noggin I’ll miss out on being a apart of the shift that is nearing. In my opinion we’ll either be the generation that changes this planets course or, we’ll let the dark forces win and cause us to be so busy fighting with one another to try and stop the train of humanity which is barreling down the tracks towards a cliff that will toss us right off the edge of existence. Millennials and GenZ are creating a lot of noise currently, I’m proud. I just wish more of us would stick to it instead of just posting when it’s viral. I’ve decided that being as my social anxiety is so bad, I’ll start working on my grain of salt by using my creative energy. I’ll try to build a platform, a stage where I can express myself and educate through the communication noise of 1s and 0s that is the internet.

I’ve been told that the best thing to do to fight low frequencies and pain is to produce alot of love energy. So I’ll start there. As always remember I am here. If you need an ear or someone to tell happy things to. Maybe that’ll help. Maybe hearing your good will help me appreciate mine more. I’ll be back tomorrow. I have a project to get started. I have dreams of an audiobook series. I decided to stop letting it stay a dream.

Much love. Day

[shark-myths]

@alienfuckeronmain tagged me to deep-search my soul with these questions, and it is the exact distraction I was looking for! no pressure to do this one, pals, but i tag @carbonbased000 @leyley09 @shoeboxofphotographs12 @glitterandrocketfuel @allkindsofplatinumandpercocet @setting-in-a-honeymoon @toorational and anyone i’ve forgotten!

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? does anyone like blue pens? who is this product made for

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? the city, cuz i spent 7 consecutive years very broke in rural areas with homophobia neighbors and having things to do is so thrilling. but i imagine one day retreating into the desert and living far from my nearest neighbors

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? I have learned all the skills I am interested in right now, because learning new things is an a+ quarantine activity. maybe the ability to do physics? i would like to be proficient in physics and i am deeply not

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? Never

5. What was your favourite book as a child? all of them! I have always read like i’m running out of time and often get stressed when i think about how few books i will be able to read in my lifetime. as a child I reread Lord of the Rings and Robin McKinley and the Holly Black Tithe series the most, and i was OBSESSED with those gold-paged books with ribbon bookmarks that were diaries of girls from different historical periods, and i have never been able to read historical fiction since.

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? I hated baths passionately until my chronic pain reached a tipping point, and since then i have learned to really enjoy the long hot soak with a drink and a book. (i didn’t like showers either until very recently. life support tasks felt like a huge waste of time until i got a partner who helped me figure out how to enjoy them)

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? i have always wanted to be one of tolkien’s elves! I want a long life filled with learning languages and reading books and existing in green peaceful spaces, and then i want to be able to die when i am done.

8. Paper or electronic books? I like paper better--I’ve been building a library slowly my whole life--but my kindle has been life-saving during the pandemic when i couldn’t go to the library.

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? right now i’m doing all my work remotely and clothes feel meaningless, but i have a plain black tank top that i feel really comfortable in

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? I don’t like my name at all--it’s Kaylie--because it is so aggressively peppy and feminine. it doesn’t sounds like an adult’s name; it evokes exclamation points and pigtails. i have always wished for a severe, no-nonsense name like joan, or a pretty but to-the-point name like eva.

11. Who is a mentor to you? Leslie Knope

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? I used to fantasize about being a famous writer, and now in my field i do wish i had a name that mattered or was considered esteemed or expert in something in some way. I would love to have a research job where i had paid time to publish! but i don’t want it enough to work on it outside of my capitalist mandatory labor hours, because i don’t have enough time for my loved ones as it is

13. Are you a restless sleeper? lately yes, since my cat died in january i have slept like absolute hell

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? not really, but i am a thoughtful one

15. Which element best represents you? earth

16. Who do you want to be closer to? physically i want to be closer to my long-distance pals like @alienfuckeronmain @newleafover @time-less @immoral-crow @leyley09 (leyna let’s have a movie night when i’m done moving???)

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? pretty much all my friends i used to regularly hang out with, sam who moved to seattle, sam who lives in madison, all the people i listed above

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. I used to play going to work. i’d pack up a backgammon case as a briefcase, grab my stuffed gorilla, and go write in notebooks and move pieces of paper around

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? I am an extremely boring person and all I eat is popcorn and bread

20. What are you most thankful for? having an able body that works to support me and keep me whole, having a partner who makes me feel truly cared for 

21. Do you like spicy food? yep!

22. Have you ever met someone famous? once at c2e2 i met george r.r. martin and no one else cared he existed because got wasn’t a show yet, so i awkwardly went up to him and proclaimed my love for his work, and then he trapped me in a long conversation about vampires

23. Do you do you keep a diary or journal? a journal! i have since i was pretty small, they take up a full shelf of a bookcase

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? pen, and i have lots of Special Pens that i only use for a particular purpose or project, because i am a huge raging...

25. What is your star sign? virgo

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? crunchy and without milk

27. What would you want your legacy to be? personally, that I wrote things that meant something to the people who read them; professionally, that i removed barriers to accessing healthcare for trans and gender expansive people

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? see above--I completely adore reading. last book was Sisters of the Vast Black and currently i’m reading The House in the Cerulean Sea and it’s totally charming. I’ve been reading really quality science and nonfiction writing too, please send me your recommendations

29. How do you show someone you love them? I make them breakfast, I tell them so constantly, I send them things in the mail, I bring them small interesting gifts, and I say every nice thought I have about them out loud 

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? not especially, but it’s fun to chew on 

31. What are you afraid of? surgery

32. What is your favourite scent? smoke from blown-out candles, lavender, laundry detergent my loved ones use

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? whatever they’ve told me to call them? this seems like common courtesy

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? I do so much less clinical work and work fewer hours in general, I would run for office so I could influence policy and stop wasting my fucking time on the ground level, I would spend more time writing, I would spend so much more time with my family, I would devote the time to running longer distances again in a way that doesn’t aggravate my busted knee

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? the ocean!

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? oh i would definitely spend that on something stupid and self-indulgent i wanted, like a pete wentz hoodie

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? YES! when i was kid every summer i’d be sent to jesus camp, which thank god because that’s what got me into fanfiction, and it was in the middle of nowhere, wisconsin, and you could see the entire milky way and shooting stars blaze across that thing ALL THE TIME, and it shook me to my foundation every summer and for a time i mistook that feeling for faith in god instead of wonder at the infinite being and possibility that is our generous universe

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? i have none of my own but my partner has a 5 year old, so quite against my intention i have become a parent-adjacent person. i try to teach him about emotional accountability for the effect of his actions on others

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? the next tattoo i want is a big snake crawling up my mostly bare left arm

40. What can you hear now? my laptop fan

41. Where do you feel the safest? when i’m protecting someone else

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? my relationship with my body

43. Of you could travel back to any era, what would it be? i’d really like to be a gentleman of leisure in a jane austen novel

44. What is your most used emoji? the purple heart

45. Describe yourself using one word. earnest

46. What do you regret the most? not going to a 4-year university and having a #college experience. it’s one of my most stinging regrets because it was not a decision i got to make for myself

47. Last movie you saw? what is a movie theater? what does it feel like to be in one? the last movie i watched is charlie’s angels from the early 2000s because that was an unexamined sexual awakening for me--lucy liu being efficient in leather has never left me, efficiency is the single trait i most attracted to--and i wanted my boyfriend to see how bad it is

48. Last tv show you watched? either Kipo and the age of the wonderbeasts or star trek tng!

49. Invent a word and its meaning. instead i will say that i think the most beautiful english word is ache. my favorite way of creating things is transforming and remixing what already exists, which makes writing with words someone else invented the ideal challenge and pastime 

(i really loved doing this! it was nice to talk about myself at the end of a workweek. thank you @alienfuckeronmain !)

[luciferpens]

( HARRY SHUM JR, MALE, HE/HIM ) ⌇ have you seen KAI YEOH around icaria? they are the 35 year old child of HERMES. they remind me of a THOUSANDS OF FILLED BOOK SHELVES, SLIPPERY FINGERS WRAPPED AROUND A LOCKPICK, INFALLIBLE MEMORY, and A CARING NATURE. They’ve been on the island for 18 years.

BASICS

FULL NAME: Kai yeoh

NICKNAMES: K

FACE CLAIM: Harry Shum Jr.

AGE: Thirty-five

SEXUALITY: pansexual & panromantic

DATE OF BIRTH: June 1, 1985

GENDER/PRONOUNS: cis male he/him

EDUCATION: H.S. Diploma. 

OCCUPATION: Librarian

GODLY PARENT: Hermes

GODLY POWERS: Enhanced thievery; he can steal practically anything without being seen. Prophecy & intelligence: These two combined into one allowing Kai to have a perfect memory and ability to tell people small glimpses into their future or their past depending on what he needs to know to help them get to what they need. Persuasion: He can sometimes persuade people into doing whatever he wants or pushing people to do what they actually want to do without inhibitions. 

BIO + BULLET POINTS

Orphan -- dropped off the day he was born or within a day or so

Had a habit of leading parents to their perfect child -- even, no especially, if it wasn’t himself.  Think Good Luck Chuck.

He was a bit chaotic as a little kid -- either soulful guide or a pickpocket trickster. 

TW: Child abuse

At nine he was fostered; but he saw something he shouldn’t have and him, along with the bio kids, were all sent back to the foster system (they were trafficking foster kids)

Was bullied as a kid in school for being a foster kid. 

His second foster home (12) screamed and yelled. so he stole money from them

The third (13) abused him; he was sent into the hospital four times most on life support or something similar. 

The fourth (16) got him addicted to perception drugs. When he was pulled out he went through severe withdrawals but is doing good now.

The fifth (17) he doesn’t even try to think of. Its just dark. He refuses to talk about it. 

End TW

He found out around 17.5 years old that he was a hermes kid after a slip up from a caregiver. Hermes appeared after a prayer and moved him to Icaria

He met Angelia the librarian. His older sister. She treated him like a son and took care of him while also teaching him the ways of the infinite library that moves around the world. (Think TARDIS but just a huge library) 

At 24 he adopted another foster from his old home who he realized was a demigod. Her name is Dory. He’s raised her as his little girl since she was 10.

Angela died when he was 25 and he has since been the head librarian. 

Kai has no earthly idea who his parents are. Or, well at least who his mother is. He arrived at the orphanage’s doorstep on the first of June wrapped in a blanket with talaria embroidered on the blanket. All throughout his infancy he was a calm and quiet child. Why he hadn’t been adopted out right, when babies are usually the first to go? He’s got no idea. All he knows is that for the first five years of his life? Things were relatively normal for someone living in the american orphanage system. He learned to take care of himself, how to bathe, wipe his own ass, how to dress and look semi-decent. No one was going to help him do it -- not really. But, he made friends -- then saw them get adopted and rarely ever saw them again after that. The average life of an orphan in the system.

When he was five though, things started to change. It all started with a simple sentence. “I’M NOT THE ONE YOU WANT, HE IS.” It slipped out of Kai’s mouth before he understood what he was saying, his finger pointed to a boy playing with a toy a few feet away. The parents were confused but took it as a sign Kai didn’t want to go with them. They adopted the kid not long after. This started a chain of events, parents would come in, they’d look at Kai and think “I want him” but Kai would point them to a child they actually wanted, the one that would fit their family best. Think Good Luck Chuck but with adoption instead. This was a trait he kept up for the next 12 years that he was in the foster care system.

Strangely enough -- Kai was okay with it. It kept him out of bad situations with parents who would have ended up sending him back, it kept him with others and helped them find good homes. Sure, it was lonely, it was depressing and quiet at times, but he knew he was doing some good in the world by being there. Besides? Who wouldn’t want to find their perfect family? All those kids got it… he wanted it too. So he worked on himself, he tried to be a model kid, tried to be a happy-go-lucky despite being in the system. As a young boy he was highly intelligent, curious, playful and quick. He was known around the orphanage as both a leader and a trickster. His siblings never quite sure which version of him they were going to get on any given day. Would he be the clever trickster that could steal anything out from under your nose or would he be the soulful guide that helped families find their perfect child? No one knew, hell he didn’t even know.

At 9 he was fostered for the first time, unable to convince the family that he wasn’t who they wanted. (He had no recommendation because no child jumped out to him as being perfect for that family) They took him home and for the first time in his 9 years he saw what a somewhat normal family was like. It started so simply, so happily. Kai was enjoying being part of a family, of having siblings and a mom and dad. The new family took him to the doctors, took him to camps, he had sleepovers with class friends, he played sports. He actually felt like a normal child. Things had been going so well… but life had other plans and he now knows… was trying to protect him. The thing that would end up with him back in foster care, was his insane memory. He could recite anything he ever read, almost any conversation he had. This by itself, not a bad thing, a bit of a burden, but not horrible. (Imagine remembering every word someone ever said to you and feeling like your brain could be overly full at times) The issue came when his mischievous trickster side reared its head and he snuck around the house in the middle of the night when they had a babysitter.

TW: CHILD ABUSE He found things he shouldn’t have, files that talked about how the money they got was spent, files that documented previous children -- ones he saw no proof of around the house. Files that lead a curious 9 year old to recite word for word to his social worker one day on a check up -- and ended with all of the children, even the family’s biological ones being taken away from them. He wouldn’t find out till he was a teen that the family had been “losing” teens for over a decade; claiming they ran away from home and just ended up back in foster care…. When in reality they were trafficking them. Selling the foster kids to the highest bidder; he wouldn’t find out until his mid 20s that most of those kids? They ended up addicted to drugs or dead, abuse of all types having driven them mad.

Back in the home, now 10 going on 11, Kai fell back into old habits; Pointing families to the perfect kid, helping out around the orphanage by taking care of the younger kids, pulling little tricks, stealing small things when he was out and about. Kai was -- back to his normal. An orphan who did his best to hide that fact at school. The kid who stole and lied his way into any clothing or food he would possibly want. An orphan who did his best to look normal. Trying not to get bullied for the oversized, dirty clothes that were a standard of being an orphan. He went in and out of four more foster homes before he aged out of the system. Each one having their own serious issues; It had started with the yelling in the first family since almost being sold. They yelled and screamed and called him all sorts of names. Soon Kai had stopped caring what people said and only cared how they acted. And his own acts? Well he stole money all the time from the family since he felt it was a good payment for dealing with their yelling. Soon he was taken then placed in another home…. This time it was physical, they said little to him and if they did it was always cold and mean. They hit him though, bet the ever living hell out of him. He ended up in the hospital four times on life support before they took him away. The third family had actually been decent -- but the bio kids in the house abused drugs and -- well soon Kai had fallen into that as well. Luckily for Kai he was ripped from that family after a couple of months, and while withdrawal had been hell on earth, he got past it. The fourth? He was 17 when he was put into his fourth and last foster home. And, well the fourth he was there for ten days before he ran away and showed back up at the orphanage. Kai doesn’t talk about what happened in that home, he’ll ignore any references to the last home.

TW END After each incident Kai became a bit colder, a bit more closed off. He went from a happy boy to a teen who’s look could cut you, whose words made you fork over your money and who’s memory you could never doubt and never wanted to go up against (people tried but they always lost that bet.) Once he was back at the orphanage and now 17.4 years old he spent all his free time at school and trying to avoid the home. To avoid seeing kids get their happy endings with their perfect family while he was left without. He made a family of friends and spent much of his free time sleeping over at their houses but -- it was never the same. No place felt quite right. It was around this time that he came back to the home and the oldest care worker was cleaning the kitchen. She started to talk about the night he had shown up. How his blanket had talaria on it and how they almost named him Hermes until they saw the name Kai scribbled onto the blanket. She pulled the blanket out of a closet and handed it over to him. That night he spent hours looking up mythos around Hermes, about where the blanket could have come from and who his mother might have been.

The research -- revealed some interesting things. Little things he had always noticed about himself stuck out as similar to Hermes. The ridiculous ability he had to steal anything without ever being noticed, how easily he could convince people do do whatever he asked, his -- insane memory. Now, Kai had never been a religious kid, but seeing how similar he was to Hermes? He prayed that night to the greek god knowing nothing would happen….. Except it did. Hermes showed up the next morning pretending to be a parent wanting a kid and asked to see the teens. He found Kai and the two spent the next day together -- and that's when Kai learned all about the greek gods, about how HE was a demi-god, about how he had powers and skills and how there was a whole island of people like him. Those who had powers and those who would allow him to -- live his life how he wanted without the shackles of the foster system and american government.

Without a second thought Kai said he wanted to go, he had no skills, no real job experience but -- well it had to be better than this. So Hermes’ took him, he was 17.5 years old when he arrived on the island. Hermes set him up in a house and then -- introduced him to the library. A building that comes and goes as its needed. It can appear anywhere in the world at any moment, it appears, always, as a small one story building that looks like it’d be one -- maybe two medium sized rooms; but when you open the door? It’s massive, as far as the eye can see, floors reaching for the sky, thousands and thousands of rows of shelves. It was bigger on the inside. Just like the TARDIS from his favorite TV show. He was instantly greeted by the librarian, an elderly woman with a sweet smile who grabbed him by the cheeks and said “AH, MY NEW ASSISTANT. NICE TO MEET ANOTHER HERMES KID.” She was like him, able to tell what it was people needed then to give it to them. He was left with her -- and for the first time in his life he actually was home. The stacks of books and this old lady -- this was where he was meant to be.

Angelia became the mother he never had, she taught him how to control his skills; they played games of stealing things from one another without being caught, Angelia taught him languages, she tested his memory, tested his ability to figure out what people really needed -- and then she taught him how to predict the future a derivative power of what people needed and wanted but more precise. Angelia taught him how to cook, how to do basic “adulting” things, she treated him like a human and for the first time in his life? As a kid -- She let him just have fun without worrying about food, about safety and others. And Kai? Kai finally learned to relax -- just a little. He learned to trust… just a little. In Kai’s mind, there was no one better on this earth than Angelia. She was a saint of a demi-god.

For the first time in his life Kai was also able to explore who he was as a person, he came out as bisexual, slept around and actually got himself a boyfriend for a short period of time. The two were quite happy but all good things must come to and end and around the age of 24 the two broke up and went their separate ways. Since then Kai hasn’t settled back down, he’s enjoyed being single and is a frequent face in Phryne much to the dismay of Angelia who wanted nothing more than to see him settle down and get married.

When he turned 23 he met the Larsen kids and realized that one of the children back at the home was irrily similar. After a talk with their father he knew what he had to do. He rushed back and within a week had adopted Dory. Dory had been a child he had seen come in and out of the home since he was 13. A cute little girl who wanted nothing more than to be loved and understood. Her love of bees needng to be appreciated as well. But she kept getting sent back, her love and understanding of bees being to much for most families. He knew she was a demi-god like him and just needed the right family -- and and -- he was the right family. Now she was his. His 10 year old to take care of. He brought her back to the library, set her up in her own room, and spoiled her like he had always wanted to be as a kid himself.

When dory was just hitting 11 she called him papa -- and his heart melted. He became even more wrapped around her finger. He'd do anything for that little girl. Between Angelia and Dory Kai had finally found himself a family and a home. Angelia did her best to try and set Kai up on dates, trying to find him that last little bit of a missing family she wanted so desperatly to see him have. She didn't care if it was a man, a woman or someone non-binary. She just wanted to see her own "adopted" son get something she never had; a true love. Someone to share it all with. A wedding.....

Sadly, Angelia would never get to see him marry. She died just three weeks after his 25th birthday. Kai had had 8 long wonderful years with his older sister/mother. But he had to step up and become the librarian. Before she passed she had trained him in every aspect that was the library. That they had the position and honor of gathering the history of the world in written text. It wasn’t something they actually wrote so much as it was -- like a digital download. The library would appear in a country, a new book would appear on the proper shelf and they’d leave to go onto the next. Over and over again. People came and went to the library -- never questioning why they could only see it once a month, or why they seemed to forget it existed until the day it appeared. They never questioned why they always had to trade knowledge for knowledge they just -- accepted it and moved along.

Kai now is the head and only librarian. He is looking for a pupil, someone to train and help him run the library. A part of him hopes it's another Hermes’ kid… or another orphan. One he can help like Angelia helped him. Kai lives in a smallish apartment inside the library. Kai is an eccentric, fashionable and all around chill guy. He cares deeply about others but does a good job of hiding it behind a facade.

[joshuahyslop]

BOOKS

The last 10 books I’ve read:

1. Wolf - Jim Harrison  I found this book in one of the little neighbourhood book exchanges that are all around Vancouver. They look like little log cabins and it’s a loose “take a book, leave a book” policy. I’ve liked some of Harrison’s other books as well as some of his poetry so I picked it up. It’s fairly well written but it’s one of the most depraved and depressed characters I’ve read in a long time. It’s like a darker more depraved version of “On The Road”. More misogynistic, more obsessed with sex and completely lacking of anything philosophic. One of the reviewers on the back cover said it was (paraphrasing) a poetic depiction of a joyful life. I guess I must have read a different book.

2. The Crying of Lot 49 - Thomas Pynchon The first book of Pynchon’s I’d picked up. This was such an enjoyable read. I’ve steered clear of his books for fear of not being able to understand them. Every time I’ve talked about wanting to read his book “Gravity’s Rainbow”, I’ve been asked if I’ve read anything else by him. As if that’s a requirement. When I bought this book the teller asked me the same question. When I said no, he said “This is a good place to start.” I don’t know why that is, but now I’ve read one of his books and enjoyed it. I’ve eased into the Pynchon. I think I’m allowed to read another one now.

3. Joyland - Stephen King This was incredibly disappointing. I’ve read a lot of King’s books. They’re often hit or miss but they’re almost always enjoyable as brain candy. Books like, “The Shining”, “Carrie” or “Misery” are well written and suspenseful. It makes sense why he’s heralded as the King of Horror. But this one does not measure up. In fact, it falls very short of the rest of his work that I’ve read. I felt myself cringing at some of his dialogue. It was just so cheesy. Even though it was set in the 70′s, no one’s ever spoken like that. There’s very little suspense and the story itself isn’t very engaging. When you finally get to the action it’s only a couple of pages and then it’s done. It’s a very quick read, but definitely skippable.

4. The Truth About Stories - Thomas King A friend of mine who loves to read gave me a bag full of books to check out. This was one of them. It’s one of the CBC Massey Lectures and I love that series. I have a bunch of them already so I was excited to check this out. I also have King’s book, “The Inconvenient Indian” on my bookshelf in my “to read” pile. A pile that does nothing but seem to grow. But it’s still a ways down in the pile. So I thought I’d check out this little book because it’s only 5 essays and it would give me a sample of his writing. I’m very glad that I did. It’s so well written. It’s funny, it’s sad, it makes you think. If you care about stories, politics, religion, and the treatment of First Nations people by the US and Canadian governments, you should give this a read. I can’t wait to get to his book.

5. Deadeye Dick - Kurt Vonnegut In my last post I mentioned liking Vonnegut a lot and being surprised at how few of his books I’d read. It turns out I’m just very bad at using technology. I keep a Word document of all the books I’ve read to avoid reading the same book twice, accidentally. I’d tried using the “find” function and somehow did it wrong, so only a few Vonnegut titles showed up. As it turns out, this was the ninth book by Vonnegut that I’d read. That makes way more sense to me. I enjoyed this one a lot. It’s pretty funny and pretty sad. A good combination, if you ask me.

6. 69 - Ryu Murakami One of my favourite local used bookstores offers store credit if you bring in some books and they decide to buy them from you. You can either take cash or store credit. If you choose credit, you have to spend it all before you go. It’s fun. On this particular visit I had about $60 worth of credit. I’d picked the books I wanted and still had $14 left. They recommended this book. i’d never read anything by this Murakami (no relation to Haruki) so I had no idea what to expect but I was excited to check it out. I loved it. It takes place in 1969 and follows the path of some high school students looking to join or start some kind of counter-cultural movement. The two main characters actually reminded me a lot of my own experience in high school. I’ll be checking out more of his writing for sure.

7. Infinite Jest - David Foster Wallace Good lord. This was a mountain I’d tried to climb once before and failed. To have finally finished this book is no small feat. Standing at the top, looking back down I’m actually amazed I made it all the way through. It’s not that it’s an unenjoyable read. On the contrary. It’s very well written and quite enjoyable. It’s just that it’s over 1100 pages and contains 388 footnotes, many of which are several pages long and some even have footnotes of their own. At times it can feel like you’re reading two or three books at once. Another challenge is that there are at least 3 plots taking place all at once. Each story can jump ahead or backwards in time which can be tricky to track, PLUS there are character’s plot-lines that are introduced in great detail (one that comes to mind takes 11 pages to describe a young man addicted to marijuana anxiously waiting for his dealer to arrive) that are never again revisited. The three main story lines are loosely connected but the book takes its sweet time revealing that fact. All of that, mind you, and we still haven’t even mentioned the deep themes of addiction, suicide and capitalism that run throughout the book. I’m very glad I’ve read it. I usually enjoyed doing so. But if you’re not committed, if you don’t have some serious time to lean in, or if you don’t like his style of writing then perhaps you should steer clear. It’s an uphill climb, for sure.

8. Kwaidan: Stories and Studies of Strange Things - Lafcadio Hearn This book caught my eye while I was taking my son for a walk. It was in the window of another one of our local bookstores, so I stopped in and checked it out. It’s a book of Japanese ghost stories and myths from hundreds if not thousands of years ago. The stories themselves are sometimes scary, sometimes funny, sometimes very confusing, but always enjoyable. Although the last three chapters completely disregard all things Japanese and consist of the authors philosophical rumination regarding Butterflies and the afterlife, Mosquitoes and the taking of innocent life (even when it seems to serve no purpose), and Ants and their altruistic existence vs our individualistic societies. There are other books in this series and I plan to check out at lease one more. I’ve always wanted to go to Japan so I’ve got a definite bias here, but if you like myths or ghost stories there’s a good chance you’d enjoy this book.

9. Braiding Sweetgrass - Robin Wall Kimmerer I know I’m late to the party on this one, but this is a fantastic book. It’s one that I’ll be recommending for years to come. Its subtitle is: “Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge and the Teaching of Plants”. It is all of that and so much more. I truly loved reading this book. I took notes. I underlined. I had to stop to think and reflect. I’d definitely encourage you to do the same.

10. Masters of Atlantis - Charles Portis This book is hilarious. Very dry, very droll. It’s a tongue-in-cheek look at the people who organize and who believe in secret societies, cults and religion in general. I didn’t know what to expect when I started it. The only other book by Portis that I’ve read was True Grit. This book is absolutely nothing like that. It’s completely it’s own. The only thing it has in common is Portis’ sense of humour. I don’t know that I’ve ever read anything quite so dry as this before. Maybe something by S.J. Perelman or something like that. This book was recommended to me by M.C. Taylor from Hiss Golden Messenger so I was pretty confident it would be good. It’s safe to say I would never have picked it up without the recommendation but also, I’m glad that I did.

more soon, -joshua

[roscoe-me-and-this-fuckin-kid]

My Ryden Recs

not in any particular order

The Heart Rate of a Mouse Series (11/10)

~513k words

Ryan "Heterosexual" Ross and his incredibly popular prog rock band, The Followers, start their summer tour for their new hit album "Boneless" in June of 1974. However, Ryan begins to take a shine to their new roadie, the ever mysterious Brendon No-Last-Name-Given, who dodges questions about his past and flaunts his flamboyant homosexuality. After an assault by a member of the supporting act, Brendon and Ryan get their payback, and begin to bond. But much to Ryan's confusion and alarm, he starts to want something he can't let himself have, starts to feel something he can't let himself feel.

--Okay I kinda lied. This list is in no particular order EXCEPT for this one. This one is the best. Anna Green owns my ass. I'm not someone who's picky about first vs third person, but if you are, then just this once throw that out the window and read this utter masterpiece. Ryan's character development throughout is so touching, but my god he fucks up a lot. One of my friends who has gone through the process of buying the physical copies and annotating them says that Ryan majorly fucks up over 50 times. Emotional rollercoaster straight ahead!--

Freaks (7/10)

~45k words

Ryan's face was permanently disfigured when he was 12 years old, and since then, the only person who has ever stood by his side is his best friend Spencer. After earning the nickname "Freak" in high school, he finally accepts that nobody will ever want him, or ever treat him normally again. But after an accident that lands him temporarily in the hospital, he meets Brendon. They get along great, and Ryan begins to fall in love. One small problem though:

Brendon had been recently blinded. Neither of them know if it's permanent, and Ryan is sure that if Brendon knew about his face, he would leave him forever.

--I really liked this one. It makes you sit on edge and every single time you think that Ryan will finally confess and tell the truth, he blue balls you like an asshole. This story is so sad and so sweet, I definitely recommend. Also, there's some background Joncer, which is really cute. Definitely a worthy read if you're looking for some angsty fluff. Oh, and a little aside: the author, spazzyskittles on LJ, actually beta-ed a lot of Anna Green's Ryden fics, including THROAM! So do with that what you will ;)--

The Red Eyed Owl Series (10/10)

~403k words

As one of the best players of one of the best National Hockey League teams, the Chicago Hounds, Ryan Ross has everything he could ever want. Young, famous, and free to do whatever he damn well pleases, the world either wants him or wants to be him. But after a leg injury that could potentially ruin his career, Ryan begins to realise that perhaps he doesn't have everything. Perhaps some things can mean so much more than women throwing themselves at you every chance they get and receiving bottomless drinks at sports bars. Perhaps he could fall in love.

--This was actually recommended to me by @wandering-verses and it was 100% worth the read. I broke out crying in the middle of class during the second book, and I cried again at 3 am when I stayed up all night to finish it. It's one of those that fucks you up so bad that you can't read anything else for a little while after finishing. Now, both the authors are from Spain, so English isn't their native tongue, but it's so well written that I probably wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't read the notes at the very beginning. An all time Ryden fave.--

Missing In Action (10/10)

~204k words

In where the American Civil War goes differently, the nation once known as the United States of America is instead separated into two: DURA and Beauregia. The latter didn't change much in terms of their economy. Slavery is still legal, and the kingdom is ruled under a tight, Christian monarchy. Their king is Boyd Beauregard. His only son, crown Prince Brendon Beauregard, heir to the throne, resides in the highly respected Saint Francis' Academy. DURA on the other hand developed quickly, a democracy founded on new technology and equitable ideals.

Everyday, bipartisanship seems farther away from grasp, and DURA, realising that cooperation is impossible, creates the DURA investigative bureau. Identifying the crown prince as the Royal Family's weakest link, they realise that he could become an infinitely invaluable asset to them. Agent Ross, under the pseudonym "Ryan Hastings", is chosen to go undercover, enroll in Saint Francis' boarding school, infiltrate the Prince's friend group, and gain his trust by any means necessary.

--I'm ashamed to admit that I let this one pass me by for a while. I read the words "American Civil War" and I automatically assumed that this would be a mid 1800's Civil War fic about closeted gay soilders, and I'm not against that, but the premise didn't really interest me. But once I finally caved and started reading, I quickly realised not only was the premise entirely different, but it was really fuckin' good. Read this!!!!--

Esoteric Contagion (8/10)

~18k words

He wakes up with a note stuck to his forehead that reads, “You traded your memory in a spell. It was worth it.” The note is signed George Ross. He wonders if that’s his name.

In which things are lost and gained and remembered and forgotten, in that order.

--Despite being the shortest on this list, I loved it to death. You will cry so hard, I promise. This story is so sad. The author can deal so many shocking blows in less than 20,000 words, and you will be completely invested. I don't want to spoil anything, but it's massively underrated, and it will fuck you up.--

Two Vatos Locos Series (7/10)

~311k words

When you have your first dream with your soulmate, everything changes. But after years and years of watching all his friends have their dreams and fall in love, Ryan started to wonder if he would ever has his dream. At twenty, Ryan started to get desperate. He went to doctors, therapists, even a fucking palm reader. No one could tell him what was wrong with him. There was only one explanation: his soulmate had to be dead.

Ryan spent endless hours laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, begging, wishing, praying to have his dream and meet his soulmate. One day, with blood gushing down his face and vomit coating his tongue, his prayers were finally answered.

And now, as he stares at this scared, helpless boy, with bloodied rope burns around his wrists and tears staining his cheeks, he wishes that they never were.

--The title "Dos Vatos Locos Lleno de Carnalismo y Inamorates" roughly translates to "Two Crazy Dudes Full of Carnality and Infatuation," which is definitely accurate. I did enjoy this fic; it was cute, sad, and very interesting, but if you are interested in reading, you will need to be patient at times. Some passages seem like filler and the writing in a few places is kinda dry or cringey. But it's still overall a good story though. WARNING: Brendon is underage for most of this fic, but nothing sexual happens until he is of age.--

The Way Home From Nowhere Series (9/10)

~158k words

After his parents find out about his relationship with another boy, Brendon Urie makes a snap decision to flee from his abusive home. After a quick makeover to hide his identity, he decides to thumb a ride. He starts living the life he never even dreamed he could. Talking openly about things like sex, condoms, and homosexuality- he's happier then he's ever been.

There's one problem though.

His new roommates, Ryan and Spencer, have no idea that he is the missing Mormon boy from the nearby town of Summerlin.

--Ladies and gents, welcome to my first ever Ryden fic! This will always be a favourite of mine. Both Brendon's arc and Ryan's are are so heartbreaking, and there were so many times that I wanted to reach into the story and give Dallon a hug. So many tragedies in this story, and not all of them solved. I don't have any empathy for Brendon's parents in this story, but I feel so hard for his siblings, and for Marc. I just wish they knew. This story is so heartbreaking and yet so happy. Will play with your emotions like they're a shiny new toy.--

Filthy Lucre (10/10)

~362k words

Ryan Ross is living the American wet dream. He’s rich, he’s good looking, he gets paid just to turn up at parties and he spends his days drinking, doing drugs and climbing into bed with eager and willing boys and girls. His parents and PA beg him to quit, and his brother turns up his noise at his destructive lifestyle, but Ryan is desperate to sink into the void, escape the memories of what his father's friend did to him when he was fifteen.

Brendon Urie is a man bordering on desperation. He whores himself out to millionaire bankers and CEOs to fund his boyfriend's heroin addiction and pay off his ungrateful father's medical bills. Things could be worse, though. He's lucky enough to have a roof over his head, to be living with the love of his life, to no longer have to hook on the street, but instead be privileged enough to turn tricks in the wealthy circles of Wall Street and Goldman Sachs.

Where a broken boy meets another broken boy, and falls in love.

--Normally, I would never recommend an unfinished fic, let alone fic that hasn't been updated in four years, unless it was it was so good and so engaging that it made me literally scream. Trust me when I say that you have not experienced true hatred until you read this fic. I have literally never hated a character more in my entire life, and I know who Dolores Umbridge is, for reference. The best thing about this fic, in my opinion, is that the characters, whether good guys or bad guys, do evil. And they do it on purpose. Because the characters feel and act as though they're real, and real people fucking suck.--

The Black Rose Season (8/10)

~158k words

Ryan Ross' life is essentially over when his scholarship is inexplicably cancelled and he will be forced to pay his way through school. As a young, broke college student, Ryan is desperate to find cash fast, but to no avail. Just when he thinks all hope is lost, a mysterious benefactor promises to pay his tuition in full, on one condition: Ryan is infiltrate Sigma Chi Beta, the most prestigious and cultish fraternity that Swan University has to offer. And if, by some miracle, Ryan succeeds, his mission is clear:

Befriend Brendon Urie, fellow Swan Sigma, and, more importantly, alleged leader of Sigma Chi Beta's secret society, which might not even exist. He is to document his findings, and send them to his benefactor. One small problem though: Brendon fucking hates his guts.

--Did I mention that Anna Green owns my ass? Because Anna Green owns my ass. This one is so fleshed out, and there are some moments where it really spikes you in the chest. Every time that Patrick comes onto the page, my interest piques, and I remember That One Scene™ that completely changed my perspective of him (You'll understand once you read). Besides... college AU? Secret societies? Betrayal? Enemies to lovers? Sexual tension? Need I say more?--

I have more fics to recommend if you guys like this list, so tell me if you want more fic recs

[fanfeline]

5, 6, 10, 11, 12 for both the bois? (If it’s too much, just Camille.)

5. What is the most ridiculous statement on them you have ever read?

Oh man. For Camille, maybe that he wanted to be king? That one was hysterical. Literally one of the most staunchly republican revolutionaries. That, or anything that claims that he was purely peaceful. LANTERN ATTORNEY HELLO??

For Robespierre, where do I begin. Coquettish. Drinks blood. Killed Danton over some comment about eggs. Was possessed by Sauron. Was possessed by the devil. Killed so many people because of his homosexual bloodlust. I don’t even know anymore. This poor man.

edit: I forgot that one where Robespierre was influenced by Stalin. Apparently he could also see through time. Who knew?

6. In your opinion, what is their biggest flaw?

For Camille, his lack of a filter was both his strength and his weakness. He said what he wanted to say, ignoring both common sense and the truth. Sometimes this was near-heroic. Sometimes this was just idiotic. Sometimes it was actively very dangerous and got people killed.

For Robespierre, I think his strict adherence to the Rousseauist ideal that the people is purely good was his flaw. I don’t have the eloquence to explain right now, but his conviction that everything bad was “foreign” and the people could not possibly be misled was not good.

10. What is your favourite quote by / about them?

Camille:

“O! my dear Robespierre! It is to you I address these word; for I have seen the moment when Pitt had only you to conquer, where without you the ship Argo would have perished, the Republic would have entered into chaos, and the society of Jacobins and la Montagne would have become a tower of Babel. O my old school friend! You whose eloquent words posterity will reread! Remember the lessons of history of philosophy: that love is stronger, more lasting than fear; that admiration and religion were born of generosity; that acts of clemency are the ladder of pride, as was said by Tertullien, by which members of the Committee of Public Safety have risen to the skies, men never climb there on stairs of blood.”

honestly all of Vieux Cordelier

(for about him, I can’t help but love Carlyle describing him as “lightly sparkling”)

Robespierre:

hhh where do I begin this man has so many incredibly badass lines

for personal reasons: “Things have been said to you about the Jews that are infinitely exaggerated and often contrary to history. How can the persecutions they have suffered at the hands of different peoples be held against them?”

“The world has changed; it must continue to change.  What is there in common between what is and what was?”

all of the 8 Thermidor speech because it breaks my heart

just

god he speaks so well

11. What is your favourite portrayal of them in fiction (e.g. movies, novels etc.)?

you say this like we get good representation of any of them

I haven’t watched all of it yet, but I quite like the Robespierre from La Terreur et la Vertu. He’s very human and very sweet.

Camille, oh god, can I find ONE THING where he isn’t infantilized beyond belief, no I can’t, um…. honestly the most Accurate one i’ve seen so far is the Sassy Broke 1789 Desmoulins and he’s what got me into this whole mess anyways so I do have a soft spot for that man

12. Let us know the three best books about your favourite historical figure!

For Robespierre, I just bought Hampson’s book on him which is supposed to be VERY good, I’ll let you know. Peter McPhee has an excellent biography on him, 10/10 would recommend. Mathiez’s essays on him are definitely worth a read, biased as he is. And honestly, just. Read Robespierre’s writings and speeches. It’s worth it.

aw heck do I even HAVE 3 books on Camille

Claretie has a pretty decent biography, still super biased, not as insane as Methley’s though. That’s kind of it for books only about Camille! Again, just read his writings and form your own opinions - with historical context, of course. Sorry, there’s not a lot here.

[deliriousabsol]

More Things Than You Ever Cared To Know About My Writing

This was originally posted by ‘vorchagirl’, reblogged by someone I follow. And I thought it would be fun to just outright answer these in a questionnaire type way, rather than as asks. So here we go =)

Feel free to do this yourselves if you like it. Just please remember to add the original poster.

Fanfiction Questions

Fandom Questions

1. What was the first fandom you got involved in?

Properly? Probably Pokemon. I’ve been writing fanfiction for it for years.

2. What is your latest fandom?

Funnily enough, Sonic, despite being a fan since I was like seven years old. I’ve just never seriously got into it since then until now.

3. What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?

The Pokemon fandom. I’ve made some awesome friends in it.

4. Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms?

You hear things, but I’ve not really come across any toxicity besides the reaction to the Sonic Movie.

5. Which fandoms have your written fanfiction for?

A good few, but the only ones you’ll find are Pokemon, Sonic and Zootopia.

6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.

Zootopia - Judy/Nick

Sonic - Shadow/Rouge, Silver/Blaze

Pokemon - I don’t usually ship in Pokemon, but Jessie/James because reasons

7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in.

Sonic/Amy. Sorry. Some art is cute, but it’s not my jam.

Shadow/Maria. I don’t ship animals with humans.

I also don’t ship yaoi/yuri pairings.

I do not poop on any ship. If it’s one I’m not fond of, I just scroll on and leave it be. Shipping can be pretty toxic sometimes, and I just don’t get it at all.

8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom?

I was writing Mask Behind the Monster and my husband’s aunt suggested I join a specific Sonic forum to post it in. So I joined the Amino and posted it, all nervous. The reception blew me away, and I met some awesome people, so I stuck around.

9. What are the best things about your current fandom?

The friends I’ve made.

10.  Is there a fandom you read fic from but don’t write in?

Probably. Can’t think of any off the top of my head.

Ship Questions for your Current Fandom

11. Who is your current OTP?

Shadow/Rouge. Also Infinite/Amy. This is because of my current writing projects.

12. Who is your current OT3?

None.

13. Any NoTPs?

We’ve been over this *looks up*

14. Go on, who are your BroTPs?

Sonic/Tails =3

15. Is there an obscure ship which you love?

Infinite/Amy. I didn’t initially.  But if it’s done right, and there are reasons for them to be together in that setting, then it works. 

16. Are their any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike?

Sonic/Shadow, Infinite/Gadget

I’m also not a fan of most Pokemon anime ships.

17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite?

Knuckles/Amy. I still have a soft spot for it.

18. What ship have you written the most about?

Amy/Espio. I went through a phase... Read a couple of ‘fics and thought ‘Why not? Sounds like fun.’ XD

19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them?

Not really. As much as I like shipping, because I’m a fluff-junkie, I have to just like it.

20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking?

Again. Inf/Amy. This one took me by surprise.

Author Questions

21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote?

Erm... if I remember right, Some cringy self-insert Pokemon ‘fic when I was like 14/15.

22. Is there anything you regret writing?

Everything I regret writing has been deleted.

23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it.

The End and Mask Behind the Monster. I can’t choose one over the other. They were both written with a lot of meaning and emotion behind them, and I have a soft spot for both.

24. What fic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit?

I keep thinking about re-writing The End, but I worry it will lose its fire if I do...

25. What’s your most popular fanfic?

I think... THINK... it’s Mask Behind the Monster.

26. How do you come up with your fanfic titles?

To Title is hard. System:Reboot was a suggestion off a friend who I have lost touch with. Its working title is ‘Hacked’. A lot of my stories have preliminary working titles until I come up with something. The End was named after a song. Confectionary Conundrum was originally called ‘Sugar Snow’ which is the name of the sweet shop in that story. The Mainframe Saga’s Scrivener file is still called ‘Datastream’. Its separate books have been renamed as I’ve been ‘planning’ them out (as much as I plan).

27. What do you hate more: Coming up with titles or writing summaries?

Probably summaries, because FFNet leaves very little space to do so.

28. If someone were to draw a piece of fanart for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of?

I have actually had fanart, so this is hard to say. A lot of people like drawing my cyberpunk Infinite redesign which has surprised me.

29. Do you have a beta reader? Why/Why not?

My husband proof-reads my stuff, and then I question him on it. I don’t have a beta. I’ve thought about it, but I stick to a strict time-frame when it comes to uploads where I strictly give myself very little leniency. So if it wasn’t beta’d in time, I’d get a little frustrated and I do not like to pester people. I also worry I’ll be told to edit and cut a LOT, and I don’t like to butcher my ‘fics. I do that enough while I’m writing 8D

30. What inspires you to write?

My faith. That is a BIG one. You will find references and metaphors to my faith throughout my stories. Particularly in The End and The Mask Behind the Monster. Music is another huge inspiration drive. I’ve come up with entire scenes and even plots or sub-plots listening to music. I was just on a walk listening to some cyberpunk tracks when I got the spark for The Mainframe Saga.

31. What’s the nicest thing someone has ever said about your writing?

Oh boy. Where do I start? I think I was especially moved when someone told me they read The Mask Behind the Monster to their sisters.

32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band or genre of music does it for you?

Yes. A lot. I listen to a variety of stuff from Christian rock and EDM to cyberpunk instrumental tracks. Main bands are Thousand Foot Krutch, Family Force Five, Cruxshadows, Holon, Misanthropix, Scandroid and Celldweller.

33. Do you write oneshots, multi-chapter fics or huuuuuge epics?

It really varies. I lean towards epics. Even Glitched ended up being longer than planned, if memory serves, although it’s not epic length. The Mainframe Saga is made up of chaptered ‘fics, ficlets and one-shots.

34. What’s the word count on your longest fic?

I couldn’t tell you, because Scrivener crashes when I try to get the word count for System:Reboot XD

35. Do you write drabbles? If so, what do you normally write them about?

I don’t, but I have thought about it.

36. What’s your favourite genre to write?

Sci-Fi. Hands down.

37. First person or third person - what do you write in and why?

I prefer third person, particularly restricted third person, because it is easier to write about different characters. That way the reader knows what’s going on when the main cast do not. I was very surprised I enjoyed writing first person so much in Mask Behind the Monster, though. But I did leap into third person a couple of times to give a wider perspective.

38. Do you use established canon characters or do you create OCs?

I love creating OCs. But I will use canon characters in the Sonic fandom.

39. What is you greatest strength as a writer?

From what I’ve been told, character development.

40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing?

Violence. And tragic back stories. I have legit questioned my sanity when coming up with scenes that include this.

Also... when I write fluff... I kind of grind to a halt and struggle through it. Often interspersed with gazing from the window and thinking well further ahead than where I’m currently at. This often results in forgetting dialogue I think up during my garden gazing.

Fanfiction Questions

41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading:

I won’t post links because it is much too fiddly. But Guiding Light by Ambyssin, Heart Song by Suetonicsonic, Fall From Power by Lordius Dannius.

Hands of Creation by Namohysip, and The Curious and the Shiny by Nebula Dreams. Both of which I seriously need to pick up again.

I believe you can find all of them on FFNet.

42. List and link to 5 fanfiction authors who are amazing:

Same applies as above. Ambyssin, Suetonicsonic, Namohysip, Chibi Pika and Nebula Dreams.

43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you?

Ambyssin has provided some amazing constructive criticism on System:Reboot which has resulted in me making a terrifying antagonist out of Gadget the Wolf. I strongly hope no other antagonists will develop what I have nicknamed ‘Socket Syndrome’. His drive and commitment to his writing has been pretty inspirational, too.

But in all fairness, I think most, if not all, of my writing friends have been inspirational and very supportive. I offer digital high-fives to each and every one of you.

44. What ship do you feel needs more attention?

I can’t think of any. People should write what they like. And I believe if you want to read it, and it doesn’t exist, then you should write it yourself if you can.

45. What is your all time favourite fanfic?

Guiding Light by Ambyssin. It’s not often I fall in love with a fanfic.

Fall From Power by Lordius Dannius is another.

46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why?

The End or The Mask Behind the Monster, because they’re pretty special to me.

47. Archive Of Our Own, Fanfiction.net or Tumblr - where do you prefer to post and why?

FFNet. I’ve been posting there for years. I’m iffy on AO3. I’ve considered posting to Tumblr, but my solution to that is to post links and artwork instead.

48. Do you leave reviews when you read fanfiction? Why/Why not?

If I feel I have something to say, I’ll post a review. I like to make sure I do so, though, and I have been known to make notes on my computer and post reviews in bulk to works posted on Serebii.

49. Do you care if people comment/reblog your writing? Why/why not?

I love comments, and I will try to respond to each one. Reblogs are totally welcome!

50. How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction?

I’ve been writing for many, many years. Since before I was ten years old. Pokemon likely got me into fanfiction. I can’t remember writing it for anything else prior to that cringy ‘fic I mentioned earlier (which we will never, ever talk about. Ever.)

51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!

I love the creativity behind it, especially OCs. Pokemon OCs are my favourites, particularly in PMD or Pokecentric settings. Both Sonic and Pokemon offer a lot of inspiration to create OCs as the worlds are both pretty vast. AUs and canon settings both offer massive scope for creativity. It’s seeing peoples’ headcanons and takes on the franchises that I really enjoy. Yes, I do like shipping, but a story does NOT need it to be a good story. It’s the way people tell it that matters more to me.

I know this says ‘one thing’. But I just want to make it clear, the one part of fanfiction I don’t like, is M-rated stuff. And I will not read it. It... bugs me when a ‘fic I’ve been enjoying suddenly changes its rating XD

(I do not own any of the fandoms or characters mentioned in this post) <- Nervous Nelly moment?

[meeresnaechte]

Get To Know Me Questions (Very long)

1. What is your first name? Justine

2. What is your nickname? Jess

3. What is your zodiac sign? Gemini

4. What is your favorite book series? I do not really have a favorite book series since I actually do prefer shows or video games to get lost in. However, I once read a "self published" ebook by an unknown author called "Human" which is actually a fanfiction but it was SO well written and it made me more emotional than any other book ever could.

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? Yes I do believe in such things. I often experience sleep paralysis and get visited by someone- or something. I can see a person who's not actually there and I do believe it's a lost soul or the ghost of the person which committed suicide in my apartment before I moved in. I believe in demons and posessed things, I am really scared of dolls but I think not believing in such things would make life more boring.

6. Who is your favorite author? I do not have one.

7. What is your favorite radio station? I don't listen to the radio.

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? I like any flavor except sweet flavors like vanilla or else.

9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? Pure. It's one of my favorite words. I often like to refer to my best friends as pure.

10. What is your current favorite song? Anarchist by Yungblud is a really good song at the moment.

11. What is your favorite word? Pure in english or Bettgeflüster in German, I'm sorry but the sound of that word is just so beautiful ahhah

12. What was the last song you listened to? I write sins not tragedies by panic at the disco. Definitely one of the best song ever made (Also Brendon is especially hot in this one)

13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? How I met your mother (very life changing) & Stranger Things

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? The perks of being a wallflower. It changed me and my perspective on life completely.

15. Do you play video games? Yes. I love them, especially Fable 2 and Bioshock Infinite.

16. What is your biggest fear? The ocean. I love the beach but I am really scared of deep water because my father and I had to save a man from drowning when I was maybe 7 years old. He experienced a stroke and only his little daughter was with him.

17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? I can be very interesting to talk to because I love getting into depth about everything.

18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? My self confidence and my mental illness. It ruined and continues to ruin many things for me. It took my youth away.

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? I cherish dogs so much, they make me so happy.

20. What is your favorite season? Summer or winter. (Fall is quite awesome too, it's kind of spooky)

21. Are you in a relationship? No.

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? Not being afraid of anything. Being free, not being judged for what I do and who I am.

23. Who is your best friend? I have more than one. Someone I met through the internet in 2013. Someone I've known since kindergarten and suddenly met again 15 years later. Someone I've been deeply in love with for 5 years & Someone who's always been there but never really got the courage to be around until last year.

24. What is your eye color? Green.

25. What is your hair color? Blonde.

26. Who is someone you love? My best friends & my lovely grandma.

27. Who is someone you trust? My best friends.

28. Who is someone you think about often? I often think about someone I haven't met yet. Someone who will change my life forever.

29. Are you currently excited about/for something? I am truly trying to live in the moment. I'm not excited for something, but scared of the future because I have to move abroad next year and leave everything behind.

30. What is your biggest obsession? Fable 2, Dan and Phil and Stranger Things.

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? Spongebob or Max & Ruby

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? All except one person of my best friends are my opposite gender and I can tell them anything.

33. Are you superstitious? Yes

34. Do you have any unusual phobias? I don't know if they are unusual but the ocean, dolls, funfairs, bugs and speaking in front of people (except acting)

35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? In front of it. My greatest passion is acting and I've always wanted to become an actress.

36. What is your favorite hobby? Acting.

37. What was the last book you read? It's been a long long time. I have no clue.

38. What was the last movie you watched? Annabelle 3. Yesterday at a drive-in cinema with my best friends. One of the most special moments I've made so far.

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? I can play the piano. I would love to play any instrument.

40. What is your favorite animal? Dogs, wolves and red pandas.

41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? I don't have a favorite.

42. What superpower do you wish you had? Time travelling, being able to read people's minds and heart.

43. When and where do you feel most at peace? At the beach, listening to the sound of the waves. I tend to forget everything during those moments.

44. What makes you smile? When people aren't afraid to show me that I mean something to them. Not only words.

45. What sports do you play, if any? Football, Basketball, Badminton.. did I forget anything? I like all sports except gymnastics.

46. What is your favorite drink? Water or Iced Coffee (it's so bad for my skin)

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? This month, I believe. It was a letter.

48. Are you afraid of heights? Yes, but I still manage to push myself to do things that involves heights. I just recently climbed up a 80 metre high building with my friends at night to get a nice view of the skyline. Almosy shit my pants but I am still alive. Little did we know someone killed themselves by jumping off that exact building at the exact night.

49. What is your biggest pet peeve? Screaming. I hate it. I love chill people.

50. Have you ever been to a concert? Do little concerts count? If not, no.

51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? No.

52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? I've always wanted to become an actress or a police officer.

53. What fictional world would you like to live in? Albion from Fable the video game.

54. What is something you worry about? My future.

55. Are you scared of the dark? I love the night and being outside during the night but I can't sleep without keeping my little light on because I tend to get sleep paralysis when my room is all dark.

56. Do you like to sing? I wish I could sing

57. Have you ever skipped school? Yes

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? Wherever I feel happy and where I can connect with the people I love the most.

59. Where would you like to live? California.

60. Do you have any pets? No.

61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? Night owl.

62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? Both. Sunsets are like a beautiful ending, they make me believe that no matter how hard things are at the moment, they will pass, but the bittersweet feeling of the ending of my best memories comes after. Sunrises feel like a new beginning after the dark.

63. Do you know how to drive? No, I'm currently doing my car and motorcycle driving license though.

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Earbuds for music, headphones for gaming.

65. Have you ever had braces? Yes, I want them again, I'm not satisfied with my teeth.

66. What is your favorite genre of music? Rock

67. Who is your hero? Daniel Howell. I've never met him, but I saw myself in him. He saved my life. I feel like I've known him before.. in a different life.

68. Do you read comic books? No

69. What makes you the most angry? Negative people who always complain and never see the beauty in certain things or moments.

70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? A real book.

71. What is your favorite subject in school? Sports.

72. Do you have any siblings? No

73. What was the last thing you bought? Film for my polaroid camera.

74. How tall are you? 5'4ft

75. Can you cook? Not really. I can make pancakes, that's about it.

76. What are three things that you love? Dogs, nature, video games

77. What are three things that you hate? Negativity, hatred, self-centered people

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? More male friends.

79. What is your sexual orientation? I don't care who I fall in love with, but I don't know how to label myself. I'm in love with the feeling of love.

80. Where do you currently live? Germany but I'm moving to London next summer.

81. Who was the last person you texted? One of my best friends.

82. When was the last time you cried? This week

83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? Dan and Phil.

84. Do you like to take selfies? I take like 2 selfies each year so, no.

85. What is your favorite app? Twitter or Tumblr

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? Not very good. I feel pressured most of the time and can't connect to them on an emotional level. It's even harder now since they got a divorce. I love my grandma so much.

87. What is your favorite foreign accent? American.

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? New Zealand, Norway and Canada

89. What is your favorite number? 24

90. Can you juggle? No

91. Are you religious? No

92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? Outer space. I'm scared of the deep ocean and I don't even know what's down there.

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? Not at all

94. Are you allergic to anything? Wasps, dust

95. Can you curl your tongue? Yes

96. Can you wiggle your ears? No

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? 50/50

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? Both.

99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? "Cut the seed before it grows"

100. Are you a good liar? I hate lying and being lied to.

101. What is your Hogwarts House? Slytherin

102. Do you talk to yourself? A lot

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Introvert.

104. Do you keep a journal/diary? I use my Tumblr as my diary since 2013

105. Do you believe in second chances? Yes

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? Search for an ID and try to reach out to the person who lost it.

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? Not really..

108. Are you ticklish? Yes

109. Have you ever been on a plane? Yes

110. Do you have any piercings? Yes

111. What fictional character do you wish was real? Reaver from Fable, I'd like to marry him

112. Do you have any tattoos? No but I'm planning to get three.

113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? To keep going.

114. Do you believe in karma? Yes.

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Either I wear glasses or go through life blind lmao

116. Do you want children? I'm not sure, but I prefer to adopt.

117. Who is the smartest person you know? Daniel Howell

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? I reject them lmao

119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? When haven't I?

120. What color are most of you clothes? Black

121. Do you like adventures? I love them.

122. Have you ever been on TV? Yes.

123. How old are you? 18

124. What is your favorite quote? So many. I really like "Irgendjemand liebt dich immer" a lot these days, it means "someone will always love you"

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? Savory. I hate sweet.

I tag @ludicrousperson

[daisydezem]

Get to know me Tag

Wow this took longer then I thought it would! But thank you so much for tagging me @cruelhumanbean & @cloud-9-sims!  I’m gonna tag @deathbyhysteria, @rethasim, @shellisims and @king-mikeyy! I loved updating my simself. It has been a while but I still think she is way to pretty. I just can’t make real people. Then there are 125 questions answered in the cut down below! So it’s a long list!

1. what is your name? Daisy (Officially Dasy. My dad forgot the i -_-’)

2. what is your nickname? Dezem, Dees, Dee, Esseborre... anymore...

3. birthday? April 24 1990

4. what is your favorite book series? Harry potter... Or does Manga count? Then Skip Beat!

5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts? Aliens Yes! Ghost not really. 

6. who is your favorite author? UHM... I don’t like reading books. I’m dyslectic so the only reading I do is Manga and webcomics. For that I really like Yoshiki Nakamura. (from skip beat)

7. what is your favorite radio station? Veronica!

8. what is your favorite flavor of anything? Anything spicy!

9. what word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? In English - Awesome and in Dutch - Super... I know it’s also a english word but it’s used a bit different 

10. what is your current favorite song The sound of Silence - Disturbed

11. what is your favorite word? Inevitable. It has a nice tongue feel... Idk... Oh and In Dutch - Schatig. It means cute but it sounds really harsh for people that don’t speak Dutch.

12. what was the last song you listened to? Freak on a leash - Korn

13. what tv show would you recommend for everybody to watch? Battle star Galactica!!  Walking Dead Lucifer                          Supernatural Game of thrones          New Girl Dexter                          Friends More?

14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny it always cheers me up!

15. do you play video games? Uhmm... YES! 

16. what is your biggest fear? Being alone

17. what is your best quality, in your opinion? I know what I want and do whatever I can to get it. 

18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion? Being afraid of change. Being a control freak. Being a perfectionist

9. do you like cats or dogs better? CATS! I’m kinda afraid of dogs... pictures are cute tho:P

20. what is your favorite season? Spring I guess. Not to warm and hopefully dry. Everything get green:)

21. are you in a relationship? Yes uhm... 7 years now. And a kid of 4 (almost).

22. what is something you miss from your childhood? Believing in the good and magical things.

23. who is your best friend? Nouk! (Not her real name her nickname tho)

24. what is your eye color? Brown

25. what is your hair color? Naturally Brown... But I change it a lot!

26. who is someone you love? Hubby, Son, Mom, Dad, Stepdad, Stepmom, Siblings, Grandpa’s, Grandma’s, Nouk, And a lot more!

27. who is someone you trust? Hubby, Mom, Stepdad, Nouk.

28. who is someone you think about often? Rn? Uhm My little brother and grandpa. They are not doing so well.

29. are you currently excited about/for something? Yes! My son is about to turn 4 so after the winter/Christmas vacation he will be going to elementary school!

30. what is your biggest obsession? Tbh... Sims... haha I just think about what when how all the time:P

31. what was your favorite tv show as a child? Telekids!! It was a dutch kids gameshow between two school and in between cartoons! On Saturday morning!

32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? Well my hubby!

33. are you superstitious? Not really. I do know a lot so I pretend to be sometimes when it is convenient.  

34. do you have any unusual phobias? No!

35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? Oh actually I like both! I like seeing pictures of the past because it brings back memories. But I do like taking pictures as well. And to be fair. I’m not good at both hahaha

36. what is your favorite hobby? Gaming!

37. what was the last book you read? The Hobbit

38. what was the last movie you watched? The new Incredibles! Is was... SUPER! 

39. what musical instruments do you play, if any? I play guitar, bass and drums. Bass best tho! I got a piano now so I’m trying to learn that if and when I have some time.

40. what is your favorite animal? Cats! 

41. what are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow? Oh god... I always feel horrible doing this. Because it changes all the time and well I like many more as 5. But okay let just do it! @cosmic-espie @pink-chevalier @brisberries @wildlyminiaturesandwich @plumpug. Okay yeah... There are many more! 

42. what superpower do you wish you had? Reading someones mind. Easier to know if someone lied.

43. when and where do you feel most at peace? At home.

44. what makes you smile? Weird stuff my son says or does.

45. what sports do you play, if any? I used to dance! Ballet, Jazz, Modern and Hip-hop... But can’t anymore.. Classical ballet is hell for your knees!

46. what is your favorite drink? A coke! (My addiction) 

47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? I can’t remember!

48. are you afraid of heights? Used to be. Then I went bungee jumping with a height of 169 meters (555 ft) and now I’m not afraid anymore!! (this is the bungee jump video is not me picture is tho!)

49. what is your biggest pet peeve? When I’m at work and people start with a question instead of saying hello first or don’t look at me at all when checking their tickets!

50. have you ever been to a concert? Yeah! Greenday, Paramore, Billy talent, My chemical romance, Iron Maiden, Doe Maar and Infinite(in paris!) 

51. are you vegan/vegetarian? That’s a def no... 

52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? A teacher!

53. what fictional world would you like to live in? The Dragon ball Universe! 

54. what is something you worry about? The health of my grandpa and little brother. 

55. are you scared of the dark? No, I prefer the dark... 

56. do you like to sing? Yes! I was never allowed to sing in the band tho.. I was allowed to scream tho!

57. have you ever skipped school? Yeah.... Sssssst don’t tell my mom. She still doesn’t know. ;)

58. what is your favorite place on the planet? Home <3

59. where would you like to live? Where I live now. 

60. do you have any pets? Yes!

61. are you more of an early bird or a night owl? Night Owl!

62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better? Sunsets! If I ever see a sunrises someone will be dying... (the one that woke me up that early!)

63. do you know how to drive? Yeaaaasssss! I LOVE DRIVING! and yes also with a gearbox!!

64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones? In-ear earbuds!

65. have you ever had braces? No!

66. what is your favorite genre of music? Rock!

67. who is your hero? My mom!

68. do you read comic books? Web comics (rn the gamer and dice) and manga!

69. what makes you the most angry? People who did something wrong and then blame you.

70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? Electronic. Real books are to heavy to take a lot of with you.

71. what was your favorite subject in school? Math and science!

72. do you have any siblings? Yes! Sister at my Moms and a Brother and Sister at my Dads!

73. what was the last thing you bought? Food:p But uhm as of last fun thing was the cam for the facecam on streams!

74. how tall are you? 171 cm (5′7 is that right?)

75. can you cook? Somewhat... I like cooking but I usually work during dinner time so don’t do it to often.

76. what are three things that you love? My family (incl my own and my parents, siblings and grandparents) Playing games (incl sims, final fantasy, dragon quest and stardew) My roomba! (I hate vacuuming) 

77. what are three things that you hate? Liars  Cleaning Waking up early

78. do you have more female friends or more male friends? I think male...

79. what is your sexual orientation? I’m straight.

80. where do you currently live? The Netherlands (HOLLAND HOLLAND HOLLAND) ;)

81. who was the last person you texted? My hubby!

82. when was the last time you cried? Today.... hahaha I hurt my back still went to work. Got worse and at the end of my shift I could barely walk. I felt like a wuss and that made me cry. 

83. who is your favorite youtuber? MATPAT (game theorists) Jen (xurbansimsx) Mage Masher and Jacksepticeye

84. do you like to take selfies? Sometimes...

85. what is your favorite app? Webtoons

86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like? Very good

87. what is your favorite foreign accent? German

88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? Seoul and Kyoto 

89. what is your favorite number? 4

90. can you juggle? No

91. are you religious? No (Maybe the flying spaghetti monster tho)

92. do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting? OUTER SPACE! I love space! I’m a bit scared of the ocean tho

93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? No BUT if needed I will be. 

94. are you allergic to anything? No

95. can you curl your tongue? Yes :P

96. can you wiggle your ears? Yes that too! (Just checked btw)

97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something? Not that often... If proven wrong I would tho.

98. do you prefer the forest or the beach? Forest

99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? It will always be darkest just before it will get lighter again. (no matter how awful things seem it will get better)

100. are you a good liar? A very good liar... 

101. what is your hogwarts house? Gryffindor

102. do you talk to yourself? All the time!

103. are you an introvert or an extrovert? Both... I guess.. But more Extrovert.

104. do you keep a journal/diary? Nooooo I can’t! And if I do it’s for 2 weeks and then I forget!

105. do you believe in second chances? Yes but not in third.

106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? Give it to the police.. I can’t keep it because I would feel bad...

107. do you believe that people are capable of change? Change... Not really. However I do believe in the adaptability of people. 

108. are you ticklish? Yes... unfortunately... 

109. have you ever been on a plane? Yes to Spain, Hungary, Italy and Malta

110. do you have any piercings? Yes I had more. Did you know if you get pregnant your body can just resist them? I lost 5 piercings because of that but gained a lovely little boy so everything is good. <3

111. what fictional character do you wish was real? Oeee this is hard... there are so many. But uh let me just say Gohan. I just love him. Strong, kind and smart. (Also my first crush when I was young hahaha)

112. do you have any tattoos? Yes 3! And I want so many MORE!

113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? Changing jobs! 

114. do you believe in karma? No... I don’t believe in anything I can’t see or can’t be proven my science. 

115. do you wear glasses or contacts? Glasses

116. do you want children? I got a kid already hahaha but Yes I would like a second child at some point.

117. who is the smartest person you know? I think it would be my sister @galaxymiep! She can do stuff I could never do. <3

118. what is your most embarrassing memory? Oh Idk... I’m not embarrassed easily. But I think I would be when my workpants had a hole in it and I didn’t notice until someone told me... 

119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter? So many times.

120. what colour are most of you clothes? Black

121. do you like adventures? Not really. I had my adventures days. I’m boring now hahaha

122. have you ever been on tv? UHmm... Yes... Local tv station about concrete blocks. Why?

123. how old are you? Old... hahaha I’m 28

124. what is your favorite movie quote? From the movie Moulin Rouge: “The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”

125. sweet or savory? Depends on my mood. But mostly Savory!

[theramblingonesie]

Facing Our Making, Part 3: Makeup and Gender

Welcome to Part 3 of my makeup blog series! This week we’re going to poke at gender and makeup. But before I begin, let’s review parts 1 & 2, and check in about where we’re at:

1. Beauty standards are impossibly harsh and cause a lot of unnecessary pain.

2. Let womxn decide what they want to do with their own damn bodies and stay out of it. Unless they hire you for a consultation.

3. Wearing makeup is awesome

4. Not wearing makeup is awesome

5. Your gender presentation and basically any presentation of your body and behavior do not determine who you are and aren’t attracted to sexually. And no one is the (*^*^%^$#%$#&*&^&%% authority to determine that for you. If they try, remember that they’re judging and labeling you in relation to their own internal gender/sexuality struggles. More on this in today’s blog below.

6. How toxic masculinity ruins the day in relationship to makeup or not makeup needs to die, and YES womxn also support and host this behavior (internalized misogyny). Just because a person has a vagina or presents as femme does not mean they are exempt.

7. Womxn who wear makeup are not whores unless they are, in fact, professional whores. Professional whores keep the world turning, and bless em for it. The problem isn’t sex work. It’s violence against sex workers. Consider your complicity.  

8. Womxn are reclaiming the hell out of the word “Slut”, so don’t get caught being a dumb idiot who uses the outdated, violent, misogynist definition. 1000 years vagina dentata upon your entire household.

9. If you want sexual attention because you enjoy sex, then FUCK YEAH GIT IT!!!

10. “Pretty girls are dumb” is a myth that our society desperately seeks to nurture and maintain. This is rooted in dominance, power, control, and whorephobia. Stop it.

11. “Ugly girls are smart” makes no damn sense. Okay, yes I can see the backwards logic, but also if you listen to flat-earthers long enough you could even be like, “ok, I see where you’re coming from with that”.  

It is not lost on me that certain beauty trends and habits can trigger and enable body image problems, ranging in severity. After attending a panel discussion that featured a speaker from Media Girls Boston, I learned that girls as young as 9 are learning that they essentially need to brand themselves through social media so that they can merely exist. Saying this is a problem is an understatement.

I support makeup and rituals of adornment. I support a lot of things that, if used improperly with dangerous motivations, can result in severe consequences.

Understand that there’s a lot of nuance in subjects like this, and utilize your critical thinking brain when exploring such topics. Continue your personal research if you’re curious about any subcategory in this series that I have not addressed.

If issues of beauty standards and pressure are uncomfortable or triggering for you, or if you or a loved one believe they may be suffering from a body-image related disorder, please know you are not alone, and there are people out there who are ready and available to support you through this. Links and hotline numbers are available in the resource section at the end of this blog. -------------------------------------------------------------

“If we are all members of one body, then in that one body there is neither male nor female; or rather there is both: it is an androgynous or hermaphroditic body, containing both sexes [...] The division of the one man into two sexes is part of [our] fall.” --Norman O. Brown, in Love’s Body, 1966

Okay! Let’s talk about this super important element of the art and ritual of beauty:

Gender!

To Marie Kondo this: This subject does not bring me joy, and I do not want to write about it, but I feel that I have a responsibility to not play floor-is-lava about it. It does not even bring me the type of righteous rage that fuels me to furiously complete a post. It fills me with doubt, insecurity, self loathing, trust issues, and a desire to disappear.

I need to say this because I know I am not alone in my feelings and experience. But I will keep it very brief because I’d like to move on.

I have experienced a lifetime of pain from the bullshit pressure the heteropatriarchy puts on female bodies. I never anticipated the heartache I would experience as a result of being judged and denied by fellow queers.

I am too butch, too unfeminine to be accepted as the right kind of woman in heteropatriarchal society. I make men question their sexuality, and I am the one made to suffer for it. I am too feminine for queers to believe and accept me when I tell them I’m genderfluid (which I have been, quietly and privately, my entire life). I am not feminine enough to be femme.

Too much woman. Not enough woman. Not woman. Not human. Once again, my body and my soul are everyone else’s to judge, determine, and own. Not mine. 

And no one wants to listen when we say the world hates women.

I highly suggest looking up the toxic concept of femme invisibility in queer communities. You can start by reading this great article by Bust:

https://www.bustle.com/articles/166081-what-does-femme-mean-the-difference-between-being-femme-being-feminine.

For the record, I still use she/her pronouns. I stand by my allegiance to the fullness and diversity of womxnhood in a deeply ferocious way. My reasoning for that is both very simple and very complicated. So I guess that just makes it very complicated. Ask me how.

Mood.

Anyway, makeup.

About a month ago, I had wrapped a film shoot with some friends who flew up from Mexico. It was an incredible weekend that filled me up with so much bliss. On the drive back to Boston, I was chatting with my beloved friends and fellow Scarlet Tongue artists, Creature and Cass, about how much I enjoy the company of Mexican men. A large part of that is because it is refreshing to be around men who so easily embrace and express feminine qualities of articulating their emotions, accessing their emotions, gentleness and nurturing. Creature presented the important argument that such qualities don’t need to be classified as feminine or masculine; they’re simply personality and behavioral traits that anybody can have.

Such a point is absolutely crucial in untangling the oppressive nature of the gender binary.

Exercise:

The following traits have been classically designated as “masculine” or “feminine” behavior, but I’ve jumbled them together in the list below. Which traits do you believe belong to whom?

Reserved Warm Sensitive Utilitarian Deferential Apprehensive Reactive Emotionally Stable Serious Lively Socially bold Shy Rule-conscious Expedient Private Perfectionism Anxiety Group-oriented Self-reliant Tolerates disorder Vigilance Extraversion Traditional Grounded Agreeableness Neuroticism Excitement-seeking Attraction to aesthetics

Answer:

Hahahahah, I’m not going to give you the answer. It doesn’t matter.

Yes, hormones do impact some behavior. And YES, how we’re socially conditioned impacts which traits are more dominant. But the point is, there is an imaginary line between the two categories. The saddest reality is that, even though any human is capable of any of these traits on the list, society has determined that consequence and punishment must befall anyone who strays from their category. An enforced gender binary is dangerous.

Enter makeup.

Makeup has served infinite purposes throughout the course of history. It’s an incredible vehicle for expression, as well as radical social and political rebellion. Makeup has shaped entire movements of art, social justice, philosophy, and construction/deconstruction of body politics.

Your lipstick is more than patriarchal pigment in a tube. It is a tool for revolution.

Most people assume that makeup is only for clowns and cisgender women, and anyone else who uses it is simply a deviant who has “stolen” it.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Nononononononono

This probably won’t come as a shock to most of you, but yes-- Christianity also temporarily ruined makeup. Once upon a time, it was quite normal for men to wear makeup. Then the Jesus toe-suckers made up a whole bunch of arbitrary rules about what we currently observe masculinity and femininity to be, and here we are in this stinky pile of crap rules. 

I highly recommend reading this article to learn a tiny bit more of the history of men and makeup:

https://www.byrdie.com/history-makeup-gender

Who wears makeup and how people wear makeup has shifted so much throughout history, and the struggles we experience around this today have only been relevant for a hundred years or so. One of the most common forms of rebellion we hear of is when women reject traditional femininity. Whether “burning our bras”, shaving our heads, or growing out our armpit hair, this is not an uncommon experience for a lot of women. The scandal!! The pet has escaped her cage!! So many women I know have experienced an anti-femininity phase at least once in their lives. Sometimes this “phase” transitions into a permanent rejection of gender norms, but it really varies from person to person. Often it’s set off by an overwhelming awareness of how much women are defined by superficial characteristics, traditionally determined and enforced by men. So we attempt to take ourselves out of the system by wearing neutral and aggressive clothing, switching up which parts of our bodies are hairy and which aren’t, and avoiding anything “girlie”. Revisiting my conversation with Aepril, my high-glam friend who inspired this blog and was mentioned in Part 1, she made a good point about honoring such an experience: “I went through a miserable phase in my feminist youth where I thought I was being uber feminist by not shaving or wearing makeup or wearing heels, etc, because to do so was giving into the patriarchy. I was miserable of course. It took my drag queen friends to wake me up to that, as I realized that they were willing to give up family, social status...their safety and even their lives for the privilege of expressing themselves in a glamorous, feminine way. While I had that privilege because I was born in a female body. I might be criticised by both men and women, but I wouldn’t be beaten in the street for transgressing gender roles. I realized how much it meant to me through seeing how much it meant to them. Why should I give that up either? Why should anyone have to?” In Aepril’s situation, she found that her place of authenticity was through femininity. In a world that is so divided between the shoulds and should-nots of who we’re supposed to be, I find it important to squeeze ourselves through and experience all sides so we can settle on what’s true for us. Then it’s no longer conformity; it’s an outlet.

In the 20th and 21st centuries, the use of makeup norms has been subverted to amplify voices that demand human rights and fair treatment. Its application has been largely linked to LGBTQ+ visibility and gay rights movements. The anti-Vietnam movement in the late 60s and 70s utilized makeup to display over-feminization and homosexuality as a way to avoid being drafted. The glam rock movement gave us icons like David Bowie, exposing and exploding restrictive gender norms through outrageous clothing and makeup, utilizing pop culture to spread ideas and acceptance of androgyny. “Female impersonation” has origins dating back to the 19th century in Europe, and the art of Drag Queens & Kings is alive and well today, celebrating, mocking, questioning, and expanding gender in clubs and theaters, in film, and right in our homes through TV favorites like Ru Paul’s Drag Race.

For our trans-sisters, the decision to wear makeup could have life or death consequences. As a transwoman friend of mine disclosed a few months back, when she’s walking down the street and hears a man call after her, her immediate thoughts turn to, “will I experience violence because I’m a woman? Or will I experience violence because he thinks I’m a faggot?” There is a lot of discussion in the trans community about the privilege of “passing”, and I believe these conversations have further supported the struggles womxn generally face-- does wearing makeup make you more or less of a woman? As writer Lux Alptraum points out, “the idea that external appearance is what makes someone a “real” woman is the very thing that many trans women have committed themselves to fighting. To the extent that makeup is an essential part of any trans woman’s gender identity or notion of her womanhood, it’s largely because that’s the message the rest of the world aggressively forces upon her.” Read the rest of this article at https://www.racked.com/2017/3/23/14937266/trans-women-makeup

Makeup is incredibly powerful. It can be used for protest, and it can be used for comfort. It’s daily wear, and it’s political. It’s an expression of freedom, and a bold face confronting restriction. It’s transformative, giving people the opportunity to live in the bodies and images that feel right and true for them. Makeup is art, an embracing of life and physicality, a way to show up, be counted, and be present. It’s an act of defiance, and an act of love.

I recently read that Facebook now has 56 gender identities one can choose from. Facebook blows, but wow that’s actually really awesome! Within that list, some of the more frequently used terms include:

Agender/Neutrois Androgyne/Androgynous Bigender Cis/Cisgender Female to Male/FTM Gender Fluid Gender Nonconforming/Variant Gender Questioning Genderqueer Intersex Male to Female/MTF Neither Non-binary Other Pangender Trans/Transgender Transsexual Two-spirit (Important: this is Native American. Don’t pull a Jason Mraz. Don’t appropriate)

Out of this list, the following folks are allowed to wear makeup:

All of them Everyone Anyone Everybody The General Public The Whole World Human Beings Aliens Animals but only if they’re actually humans in animal costumes

If you’re interested in following makeup artists on IG who are trans or gender non-conforming, here is a great starter list (partially sourced from wearyourvoicemag.com):

@ brownbeautystandards @ vlad_theunicorn @ jade_poncee @ makeupby_bran @ rosalynnemontoya @ miles_jai @ completedestruction 

Again, there are infinite reasons why people of any gender do and don’t wear makeup, and I’m not going to be an authority on the matter. But I hope some of this information helps you on your journey to understand yourself better, and hold space of greater allyship and tolerance for others.

Below are some links and phone numbers if you feel you need greater support for the topics being discussed in this blog series. Being beautiful is cool, and so is being safe. You deserve to be here, and you matter.

Enjoy your week, and we’ll see you back here next week for Part 4: Performance Artists and Makeup!

National Eating Disorders 24 hr Hotline: 1-800-931-2237

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/body-image-0

TransLifeline Hotline: 877-565-8860

https://www.translifeline.org/

LGBT National Hotline: 1-888-843-4564

https://www.glbthotline.org/

National Suicide Prevention 24hr Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

http://sexworkersproject.org/resources/

[hallucinosims]

Hi here’s the get to know me tag let’s get to knowing

I was tagged in this by @gunthermunch

125 questions under the cut, if you do decide to read i suggest getting a snack first

I tag @emovatore @humanitys-shortest @liliithvatore if you haven’t done it yet

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Elio

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? Lee and Leo are the go-tos in real life but I get called Hall on here and I think that’s a rad nickname too

3. BIRTHDAY? Feb 5th

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? I am a slut for the Percy Jackson series and Leo Valdez was one of the reasons why I started going by Leo more often then my full name

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? Yes yes absolutely yes. One, earth really can’t be the only planet in a universe with infinite possibilities to have life on it, you know? And ghosts is more like a spirit thing.

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? oooh fuck me up this is a hard one uhhhhhh Classic author probably Edgar Allen Poe but Contempoary I’d say Tony Kushner

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? the Musical Theatre station

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? I don’t really like... food. I don’t enjoy it. But I guess I like savory over sweet

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? neat

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? Liar by Queen or Greek God by Conan Gray

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? I-Cunt-tic, pronounced like iconic but... you know

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? Please Never Fall in love again Ollie MN

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? Kidding, that Jim Carrey tv show that premiered this year. Beautifully edited and told story

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN? I’ve seen Bohemian Rhapsody 6 times this month alone so probably that on wards

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? yes

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? dying in the same place i was born

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? my empathy

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? the depression (tm) 

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? idk, i’m not really an animal person

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? fall

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? nah

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? playing in the ika playscape

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? i have quite a few best friends but when im at school/work then my good friend Julio

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? a very doe eyed dark brown

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? i re-dyed my hair black recently so let’s go with that

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? my mom

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? my dad

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? myself

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? going to denmark to be a farm gay on my semester off

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? currently Sims, Queen, and Falsettos (the musical)

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? i didn’t have cable but there is no way in hell i’m saying cyberchase so, Mia and Miguel

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? Julio

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? very

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? none that i can think of

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT?i actually really enjoy both

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? sims

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? True West, it’s a really good play

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? ...Bohemian Rhapsody for the 6th time

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? most stringed instruments i can figure out pretty quickly but i’m best at guitar and piano

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? humans

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? i follow over 5k people i don’t even know who i follow

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? basically Kirby. I want the power to take others powers

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? in michigan on rainy afternoons in my bunk bed with my laptop on my lap. Or like, the floor of a bookstore

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? loaded question

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? I used to do competitve dance, competitve cheer, biking, and volleyball

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? watah

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? like a week ago to my grandma, she likes getting post cards in the mail

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? i used to be. not so much anymore

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? people who saunter. We got places to be fellas

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? yup!

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? i’m to anemic to be either 

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? a performer

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? i’m actually not to into media that take place in other... wait i take it back i wanna live in Hobbiton

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? breathing

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? ehh sometimes

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? It’s a part of my career so hopefully

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? i’m skippin school rn

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? manhattan Lower East Side

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? Manhattan’s Lower East Side. I live in the Upper West Side right now and it’s aight but it’s not the LES

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? nope

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? i just dont sleep

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER?sunrises

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? nah

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? earbuds

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? yee

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? anything

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? Tony Kushner

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? yee and before you ask my fave is Deadpool

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? when people be on some bullshit

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? real book

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? IN High School I loved history

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? one sister who is ten years older than I am

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? ... iced coffee despite it being 30 degrees out

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5′3

75. CAN YOU COOK? I’d like to think so. Wish I had a oven tho

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? music, my family (sometimes) I’m trying to love myself so let’s throow that one in there

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? people who stroll/saunter, when people are on their bullshit, dark chocolate

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? male “friends”. But, I know a lot more girls that I keep up with more often.

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? lesbian

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? Manhattan, Upper West Side

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? Me mam

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Thursday in my Theatre class but we were all crying so i’ll let it slide

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? i don’t really watch anyone consistently

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? i do

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP? tinder

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE? prety solid i love them both even if my mom hates my sexuality and threatened locking me at home when i came out to herelol

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? italian

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT?Copenhagen! I’ve wanted to go to Denmark since I was ten

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 7

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? Nah son

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? defenitly a lot less than my story style insists lol. I do believe in God tho

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OR THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? LOADED QUESTION BECAUSE I WANNA EXPLORE BOTH 

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? ehhhhhhhh no

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? strawberries and some medicine that i can’t remember the name of

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? yes i’m a lesbian it’s what we do

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? nah

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? Literally anytime i’m wrong about soomething. I love being exposed, put in my place, roasted.

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? Forest so I can find my mans... my MOTH mans

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? you know what you want, don’t let your concerns get in the way of your ambitions

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? Yes

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? Ravenclaw

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? Deadass I talk to myself more often than otherpeople

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? introverted

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? yee

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? I give everyone I can think of second chances because i’m a forgiving sone of a bitch and yet they continue TO BE ON SOME BULLSHIT

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? THat be mine i may be forgiving by moral compass be broke as hell and I haven’t eaten in like 3 days because i’m so broke

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? When I’m answering this question for a job application i sure do

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? tragicallu

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? yes

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? i have 5 holes in my ears and a nostreil piercing

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? Mark Cohen or LEO VALDEZ

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? yes 2, one chest, one forearm. But that’s only because I don’t have money i need more

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? move to new york

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? yes and she’s a bitch

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? both

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? eventually I feel like I would make a pretty solid kid

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? my dad

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? Being high for three days straight

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? i just finished pulling one

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOU CLOTHES? black as you can see by my simself  i really do dress pretty much only in black because i aged poorly out of my goth phase

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? yeeee

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? Yep, Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade, Trade Show stuff, probably for school or local news a few times

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 18

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? Know in your soul like your blood knows the way from your heart to your brain, know that you’re whole. - HEdwig and the Angry Inch

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? This is a really boring last question but savory but if you made it this far i’ll expose myself a little more. I’m black and Jewish, I go to a performing arts Conservatory, and this took me so long to answer because I hooked up with someone in Brooklyn last night and i had trouble getting back to my dorm.

[writing-in-the-tiny-house]

Plot, but Inside Out

S1E24 Plot, but Inside Out

  Go to patreon.com/writinginthetinyhouse to become a patron today!

  This is a transcript of this episode. The full transcript is found on the show’s website.

  Devin Davis: You know, there has been wind, there has been rain. There has been everything you can imagine. And so I'm hoping that my microphone doesn't pick it up because we have a deadline today on Writing in the Tiny House.  Hello, hello, hello! And welcome back to the show. Welcome to Writing in the Tiny House. I am your host Devin Davis, and I am the guy living in a tiny house who is here to tell you how to write that novel specifically. But we don't just pay attention only to novels. We pay attention to all books. It has been my experience that so many adults who work a nine to five and have a family also have a book idea in the back of their mind that they simply have not started writing.

[00:01:12] And I'm here to tell you that it is possible. And I am here to show you how it's done. So as far as announcements go, we are here and we are on our 24th episode. Isn't that so fun? I have been doing my darndest to kind of get ahead of things and it's a lot of work, friends. The podcast itself is a lot of work. I absolutely love it. And it brings me a lot of joy. But to get ahead of my publishing schedule and to give myself some room to breathe and stuff has taken a lot of effort.

[00:01:45] I don't really have a day where I can sit down and record like six episodes. That's not how it works. And so instead I've been doing a lot of interviews and I have been doing about two podcasts a week and becauseI have a patron community, I get to do an additional episode every month and that episode gets to be really good.

[00:02:07] So there's just a lot of recording and I simply do what I can in the time that I have. I don't have my boys every night. I am alone on most nights. And  my goal has been to record two episodes a week and publish one. So with some time we're going to get that nice big cushion.

[00:02:28] In case, well, which is what I want that way if I need to take time off, the publishing schedule won't be interrupted. Or if something happens or if there's an emergency, then you, my friends, don't need to worry about some good additional content and neither do I. And that's good. It is good to have that.

[00:02:47] Additionally. So August is very soon, actually, August is this month. You CA it's this month, we are presently in August, as you can tell. And that means that we have three months to prepare for NaNoWriMo. So NaNoWriMo is basically when we get our writing idea and we map it out and we outline as much as we feel we need to. And we make a goal that in November we write 50,000 words of that project. Now in my life, 50,000 words does not make a novel. Even if you read the NaNoWriMo guidelines, they pretend that 50,000 is a novel. In most publishing standards, 50,000 is a novella, but 50,000 words in a month would be a huge step in the progress of anybody's book.

[00:03:59] So for the traditional debut novel, which should be at about a hundred thousand words, you would get halfway there. If you are already at like 40 to 50,000 words, you would finish the thing by the end of NaNoWriMo. And so that is what I am preparing to do. I want to have all of November's podcasts recorded in advance.

[00:04:24] November is going to be a little bit different just because that entire month is going to be a big push to 50,000 words. I currently have two works in progress that are half done. And so to get 50,000 more words is a big freaking deal. Even if between now and then I managed to finish one of them.

[00:04:44] There's always more to be written. And I have short story ideas that need to happen too. All the things. There are a million different ways to get to 50,000 words, even if it's not just in one manuscript. And so NaNoWriMo November is going to look a bit differently instead of just the informative episode content that I have done in many of these episodes, like the tips and tricks and whatever, in November, we're going to take a different approach just because I am inviting you, my listening community, to do NaNoWriMo with me, especially  my patrons.

[00:05:24]So think of a project where you can do a big push to the end and let's nail it down in the month of November. But in November, we are going to have episodes on how to deal with stress. I know that one of them is going to be a guided meditation, just different things like that, ways to clear your head, ways to keep you going.

[00:05:46] And so it may not be related specifically to writing. It might be more related just to achieving goals and pushing through things that will stand in your way and different things like that. Starting a routine of whatever it might be. So that in November we can tackle our goals and push through to the end.

[00:06:11] In 30 days and that is amazing. So there's going to be a lot of that and preparing for it in October, we're going to have episodes on how to prepare for that type of a marathon. So that's what the content will look like in the fall. And we have three months leading up to that. So stay tuned. It is going to be awesome in November.

[00:06:37] It's going to be a little bit different and I will be posting updates on my personal progress on the Discord community and also on Instagram. So if you follow me on Instagram, you can see that. If you are not a part of the Discord community, you need to become a patron to do so. So go to patreon.com/writinginthetinyhouse, and, there will be a giveaway, there will be a lot of back and forth on how to stay on track, on how to push through, on how to move forward. And so NaNoWriMo is a big goal this year. So let's do that right before the holiday season. It's going to be great. 

[00:07:17] So anyway, onto the main body of this episode. I want to talk about how to structure plot. And do it from the inside out sort of. So the plot of a story can happen in many different ways. It is, especially if you're doing fiction and you are not modeling something with your fiction. A lot of people take an event. And through the inspiration of that event, they write a story. And so that story is inspired by events that actually happened.

[00:07:54] And so putting in the rising action and whatever else is a bit easier, just because everything that they're writing happened in some way already.  If you are writing a book with a larger cast and a more complicated plot with several subplots, things get to happen a little bit differently.

[00:08:16] And so for something like a big epic, something where people go up against impossible odds and there's that really, really big finish at the end. And the stakes are like life or death or the death of a village or like life of death, of their loved ones or whatever else. That's what I mean by an epic.

[00:08:42] Sometimes what you can do is imagine, and I've done this with a lot of the key points in my books and with a lot of the subplots too. And you get to go through and think about how this applies to your characters later. But what I do is I envision what the outcome will look like. So I start at the end or I start at the middle.

[00:09:11] I start at what the outcome of whatever conflict, whichever conflict I choose to look at and I see how it ends. And I see who's in that conflict and who's in the picture and I go through and I map out. So I've told you that I'm kind of a pantser when it comes to writing, I don't really like to use an outline and that is true to an extent I outline a lot.

[00:09:44] I just don't write it all down and I don't write down every last detail of the scenes that play through my mind. I like a lot of the details of the scene and the interactions of the people in the scene to unfold as I write them. But there definitely has to be a direction and there has to be, you know, an ending, there has to be a way to get there and there still has to be a goal.

[00:10:12] And so in that respect, I definitely outline, and I recommend outlining. Otherwise you won't know what to do and you will have writer's block like you won't believe. So anyway, If you start at the end and you see who's all there and you see how it happened and you see all those different things, then you take the people who are there and you trace backwards.

[00:10:41] How did they end up there? What other big thing in the entire story? So an event that affects all of the subplots or most of them had to happen so that after that they would have this big finish at the end.

[00:10:57]And you call that event like Event D. From Event D you see, who is there and you imagine which other big event in the story would have brought everybody to that point, and you label this other event Event C and you move on back to B and then back to A. This is one way of an infinite number of ways to come up with a good plot. And it's a way to make sure that there is continuity and that there are ways that your subplots tie together. I appreciate all of the subplots. I do not have the brain power or the attention span to pay attention to subplots that happen in the first book and then are dropped until book five and then picked up again.

[00:12:00] I don't pay attention to all of those things. And so I like to have a good book where all of the subplots tie together in some way in the span of one book, and this is a way to ensure that. It's a way to keep all of the subplots there. It's also a good way to keep them tangled and it is so fun and so freaking hard, but so fun to have all of these subplots and to have many people involved in all of the subplots. It makes the book ridiculous to write, but it makes it intriguing to read and it adds so much suspense and it adds so much pull and so much grip. It really grips me when everybody is in everybody else's business. And then a big thing happens and there's a reason why everyone was there.

[00:12:58] And then the subplots, and the main plot kind of separate for another few chapters. And then they meet together again. And then at the end, for a big finish. I love that. Now, when you're doing it and we'll get to this in subsequent episodes, you need to make sure that your characters are doing it right.

[00:13:19] And you need to make sure that the pacing is correct among other things. But we're going to touch on those things in some of the next episodes of Writing in the Tiny House. 

[00:13:30] So that is it for today. Thank you so much for joining me today. If you wish to become a patron and get early access to the episodes or a bonus episode every month, or be involved in our community and spend time with me every month.

[00:13:46]Then be sure to go to patreon.com/writinginthetinyhouse. Also follow me on Instagram. My handle is @authordevindavis and on Twitter. And my handle is @authordevind. Take just a minute and leave a review on whatever app you are listening to this podcast through

[00:14:13] a special thanks to my patrons. Without you, this podcast. Would not be as fun or as possible. So thank you so much, guys. Be sure to join in next week and have fun writing.

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