#2015 me had a one track mind i guess

[cecilysass]

Shine On (4/16)

Read on AO3 | Tagging @today-in-fic

Chapter 4: The Art of Profiling

Farrs Corner, Virginia February 20, 2015

The pizza that Fox Mulder ordered isn’t from a pizza place Jackson has ever heard of, like Domino’s or Pizza Hut, but it’s really good anyway. Or at least it tastes good to someone who hasn’t eaten all day. Jackson eats the first piece really quickly, then he grabs for a second without thinking, forgetting his manners. When he realizes what he’s done, he hesitates.

“Go for it,” the older man says, his eyes darting sharply back and forth between the pizza and Jackson’s face. “Eat as much as you want.”

Fox Mulder has been acting much more intense ever since Jackson told him about the red-headed lady.

Jackson’s tired, and he has only barely skimmed the surface of the man’s difficult mind, but he can tell that the guy’s stunned by the news. Fox Mulder’s mind is channeling down a dozen different paths right now: fast, mazelike thoughts, like bobsleds going down tracks. A current of sharp worry running through like a winter chill.

It’s honestly exhausting to try to figure out. Jackson closes off the shine for now, takes another big bite of pizza. This sausage is a little spicy, which is exactly how he likes it.

“I have a lot of questions for you,” Fox Mulder says, his voice low. “I don’t want to overwhelm you. But I … gotta ask some of them.”

Jackson nods reluctantly, his mouth full. He doesn’t feel like answering questions at all. Still, he supposes the more he gets out of the way, the better.

“You said you have visions,” the man says, setting his own piece of pizza down. “Do you have other … abilities?”

Jackson studies him cautiously as he finishes chewing his bite of pizza. He’s not in the habit of discussing what he can do. It’s only really ever been trouble when he has, so he’s almost instinctively secretive about it. But things are different now. And Fox Mulder, well, he seems to know all about this kind of thing.

“Yeah,” Jackson says carefully. “I do.”

The man runs his hand over his mouth. Jackson notices he’s only eaten half of his slice of pizza. Either he’s not hungry, or he’s too distracted.

“You can read thoughts,” Fox Mulder guesses, leaning back, speaking with certainty. He folds his hands in front of him. “You can focus on other people’s thoughts. Not just one person, but several at once.”

Jackson sets his slice of pizza down in shock. “How did you know that?”

“You can move objects, too.”

Jackson blinks at him. “I have been able to do that. Some. I could do it easier when I was little.”

“What else?”

“I can, like, change people’s perceptions. What they see. Not for forever, just for a little while. So, if I, like, need a distraction in class or something, I can make the teacher think someone opened the door and mooned us. Stupid stuff like that.”

Fox Mulder looks undeniably fascinated. “Wow,” he says. “Interesting.” He taps his fingers on the table. Jackson doesn’t have to use his shine to see that the man is thinking this over. “So does that mean you could effectively shapeshift? If you wanted to?”

“Yeah,” admits Jackson. “At least I can make other people think I look like someone else.”

“Huh,” the man says, squinting thoughtfully. He tilts his head, looking at Jackson again. “Are you reading my mind right now?”

“No,” Jackson says honestly.

“Why not?”

“I’m tired,” Jackson says. “It’s work, sometimes. And no offense, but you’re kind of complicated and hard.”

Fox Mulder chuckles. “I don’t know if I should take offense at that or not.”

“I did read your mind earlier,” Jackson confesses. “And the red-haired lady …. she was really easy. I hardly had to try with her at all. It was like her thoughts just flew at me. I was wondering if that was because she was my birth mom. Do you think that could be right?”

The man stares at him blankly, not directly answering. “Her name is Dana Scully.”

“Dana Scully,” repeats Jackson.

“Have you ever heard that name before?”

“No,” Jackson says. “I don’t think so.”

“Did your parents tell you anything about your birth parents? Who they were, where you were from?”

“I don’t think they knew anything about them,” Jackson says. “It was a closed adoption.”

Fox Mulder nods, scratching his chin. “Yeah,” he says. It’s like a cloud of sadness has fallen over him. “Yeah, it would have been.” He fixes Jackson with a curious look. “Do you … have any questions for me? About any of this?”

“Uh. Sure.” Jackson looks around the room, slowly, as if the best question to ask might be scrawled on the walls. The faces peering out of the framed photos draw his attention again, but it’s all so much. He looks away, back at the box of pizza in front of them instead. “Is it… okay if I have another slice, Mr. Mulder?”

The man laughs a little, crossing his arms. “You can just call me Mulder.”

“I think I’m eating more than you, Mulder,” Jackson points out seriously. “It doesn’t seem fair. It’s your pizza.”

“I told you, eat as much as you want.”

Jackson feels like he has been polite enough. He shrugs. “Thanks,” Jackson says, taking another slice.

“Jackson,” Mulder says, watching him eat, his voice suddenly too casual. “Do you have any idea who your birth father is?”

Jackson picks up his piece of pizza and studies it, pulling off a particularly delicious-looking piece of sausage and sampling it. “Well,” he says, through a mouthful, “I’ve got a guess. Based on certain clues. But I don’t know for sure.”

“Clues you’ve read in people’s minds? Or clues you’ve noticed?”

Jackson shrugs again. “Both, I guess.” He gives Mulder a look, raising his eyebrows.

There’s a pause.

“What clues?”

“Well, I’m not stupid,” Jackson says matter-of-factly. “That woman, Dana Scully, was here, fighting with you. Lots of big feelings. Then, the way you’re acting now. Like you think I’m a brand new iPhone and you can’t stop looking at me. And how you seem to know things about me. That’s a bunch of clues.”

Mulder has been sitting with his arms crossed, and he hasn’t moved the entire time Jackson’s been talking. But now Jackson can see a tear sprouting in his eye. It surprises him. Wayne Van De Kamp, his father, would never have cried in front of him. Mulder blots it with his sleeve, and Jackson sees his hands are shaking, too.

Maybe he shouldn’t have said that so carelessly, kind of flippantly. It’s obviously a big deal to Mulder. Really, truthfully, it’s a big deal to Jackson, too—something he’s wondered about his whole life. But right now he just can’t have everything feel like a big deal all at once. Or he’ll explode or something.

He meets the man’s damp eyes.

“Yeah,” Mulder says roughly, trying to smile. “Okay. A lot of clues.” He pauses, uncrosses his arms, places his hands on the table. “I get the sense you can’t handle a lot more emotional drama right now, Jackson, and I get that, I really do. Believe it or not, I’ve been in that place myself.”

Jackson’s speechless. It’s like the man read his mind, but that’s not possible.

“I just want to say, we can talk about it whenever you want to,” Mulder adds. “No pressure.”

Jackson nods his head up and down, licking his lips nervously.

***

After dinner, they go back into the part of the room with the couch, which is surrounded by all the messy piles of books. Jackson sits on the floor and starts picking up volumes curiously. “The Art of Profiling?” he says. “Is that an art book?”

“No,” Mulder says with a smile, trying to kick piles out of the way. “It’s psychological profiling. Like for criminals.”

“Oh,” Jackson says, making a connection. “Like on Criminal Minds.”

“What’s that? A TV show?”

“Yeah,” Jackson says. “My parents love it. It’s about a team of FBI agents who profile dangerous criminals.” An exciting thought occurs to him. “Wait, is that what you did?”

“Yes,” Mulder says. “No. Kind of. I was a profiler, years and years ago. But then I was put on the X-files, where I investigated cases that had unexplainable, supernatural associations.”

“That’s why you have books like this,” Jackson says. He lifts the book Sasquatch: Diverse Perspectives. “Or this?” Extraterrestrial Abductions Beyond the Media.

“Yeah,” Mulder says, a self-deprecating shrug. “That’s right.”

“That’s badass,” Jackson says, a root of an idea occurring to him. He belatedly realizes his mistake. “I mean, that’s cool. Very cool,” he corrects himself.

“It was badass,” Mulder agrees, seemingly unaffected by Jackson’s profanity. “Although… it could be difficult. We went through a lot, working on the X-files. Scully and me.”

Jackson absorbs this information. “So you and Dana Scully worked together on the X-files. In the F.B.I.. That’s how you knew one another?”

“We were partners,” Mulder says with quiet precision, like this sentence is very important.

They’re just three words—we were partners—but Jackson can tell they tell an entire complicated story the length of a book or more. His shine cries out to be used, but Jackson pushes it aside.

“Mulder,” Jackson says slowly. “Is it a coincidence that you and my birth mom worked on these X-files … and that I have these abilities?”

“No, Jackson,” Mulder says, sighing heavily. “It’s probably not a coincidence.” He sits on the couch, looking down at Jackson still sitting on the floor. “There are things that both of us were exposed to that could have … caused the abilities.”

“But you guys don’t have them yourselves, right?”

“No. Not like you.”

It’s a frustrating answer. “Not like me? Or not at all?”

“Some things I want to wait to talk to you about,” Mulder replies. “Until we’ve had a chance to talk to your mother, too.”

Your mother.

Jackson inhales sharply, the words sending an unexpected shock through him.

“I meant Scully, of course,” Mulder says quickly, noticing his reaction. “I’m sorry.”

“Dana Scully isn’t my mother,” Jackson says with emphasis. “I have a mother.”

“I know.” Mulder’s eyes look impossibly sad. “I’m sorry, Jackson. I know.”

“I’m not looking to replace my parents,” Jackson says tightly. “That’s not why I’m here or what this is about. They’ll always be my parents. I love them.”

Mulder appears to sink further into the couch. “Yeah,” he says. “I can tell you do.”

Jackson looks down quickly at the stack of books again, playing silently with the cover of Criminology Through The Ages. He knows he shouldn’t have gotten angry. He knows Mulder didn’t mean anything by it, and he’s having to struggle with his shine now to keep from sensing any bad feelings or thoughts coming off of Mulder.

It’s just Jackson feels almost disloyal, sitting here talking to this man, learning this information about his birth parents’ lives, when his parents just died. When they probably died because of him.

“Jackson.” Mulder’s voice is kind. “What were they like? Your parents. Do you want to … tell me about them? I don’t know anything about them.”

Jackson pauses, still staring at the book in his hand. “Yeah,” he says. He tries to find the right words. He has to be the person who remembers them, who speaks for them to the world now. “They were … they weren’t anything like me. But they were great.”

Mulder waits patiently, his soft eyes on Jackson. Jackson puts the book back carefully on top of a pile.

“My dad was the shop teacher at Rawlins High School. He was good at woodworking, cabinetry. He was always trying to teach me.”

“Were you good at it, too?”

“No,” Jackson says with a tiny smile. “I was really, really bad at it.”

“Oh yeah?” Mulder echoes the tiny smile.

“I couldn’t cut straight. I forgot to measure,” Jackson says, shaking his head. “I was always disappointing him.”

“Not really,” Mulder guesses softly.

“No,” Jackson agrees, just as softly. “Not really.” He’s quiet, thinking more about his goofy, sweater-vested dad. “He was always cheerful. He thought you should look on the positive side of things, you know? Really into baseball. He coached my Little League team for a while.”

“That’s good,” Mulder says encouragingly. “It’s good to play sports.” He’s quiet, too. “And your mom?”

“Her job was running the church preschool,” Jackson says. “She was always singing. She loved holiday decorations, and to cook and bake.” He feels tears threatening. “She is just … she was a really good mom to me. Like, she hugged me all the time. I acted like I didn’t like it, but I did.”

“I’m glad she did that,” Mulder whispers. “I’m so glad.”

“She was really Christian. Really into church. They both were.”

“You were raised religious?”

“Yeah,” Jackson says. “Lutheran.” He glances at Mulder wryly. “But I was really bad at that, too.”

Mulder returns the look. “I’m not very good at that myself,” he says. “Scully’s religious, in her own way. But I’ve never been … that kind of believer. It’s just never made sense to me”

Something warm blooms in Jackson at being understood in this way. It’s never made sense to him, either.

“What are you good at?” Mulder asks. His tone is gentle, but Jackson’s shine is suddenly alert, suddenly aware of what’s underneath the man’s exterior. Mulder is hungry to know more about him, desperate for any detail. His need is so overwhelming, Jackson closes the door on it quickly.

“I don’t know,” Jackson says casually. “I’m good at math, I guess. Math comes easy to me.”

Mulder’s face lights up. “Scully’s amazing at math.” Looking over at Jackson, he seems to regret his words. His scolding to himself shines through. —stop making everything he says about me and Scully. “Sorry. You’re telling me about yourself.”

“I like to run,” Jackson continues. “I’m pretty fast, and I think I’m a good distance runner. I was thinking maybe I’d try out for the track team in high school.” He pauses. “But I guess I’m not going to high school now.”

“Come on,” Mulder says. “Of course you’re going to high school. Your life isn’t over.”

“I’m most likely going to prison,” Jackson mumbles darkly.

“Nah. Not going to happen.”

“I don’t even know where I’m going to live,” Jackson adds. “Where I’m going to stay tonight.”

“You’re obviously going to stay here tonight,” Mulder insists. “After that, we’ll figure it out.”

The lightning-fast image of a school building with a sign— Farrs Corner High School—and then another fast image, the two of them, Mulder and Jackson, running side by side on a country road, a road that looks a lot like the road right outside the farmhouse. Then almost instantly, more scolding in Mulder’s mind: Way ahead of yourself. Stop it. Haven’t even told Scully. Need to confirm.

“How will we confirm?” Jackson asks quickly. “What does that mean?”

Mulder’s eyebrows shoot up. “That’s going to take some getting used to.”

“Sorry,” Jackson says. “That was kind of rude of me, probably.”

“I have to remind myself you’re listening,” Mulder says with a small smile.

“I normally try to hide it more,” Jackson says. He stands up, stepping around the books to sit next to Mulder on the couch. “But I mean … what’s the point if you already know, right?”

“I was just thinking that before we introduce you to Scully, we should run DNA,” Mulder says. “Yours against mine. To confirm it.”

“Why?” Jackson says, frowning. “You don’t believe me?”

“Can’t you tell that I believe you?”

Jackson sighs. “Yeah, I think you do.” He kicks out his long legs and leans his head back against the back of the couch. “But like I said, you’re not the easiest.”

“The people that Scully and I used to be involved with,” Mulder says, “were the kind of people who would go to extremes. Even extremes like convincing a kid his birth mother was someone she wasn’t. Like planting ideas into people’s heads. I don’t think you’re lying, but I think it would be smart to know for sure.”

Jackson swings his head to look at Mulder. “Who were these people?”

Mulder regards him with a troubled expression. “I’ll answer that, Jackson. But I think you need to answer this, too: who drove you here? To Virginia?”

“I told you,” Jackson says, folding his arms defensively, “I can’t tell you that.”

“Why?” Mulder’s eyebrows draw together in concern. “It worries me a little. Did the person who drove you ask you not to tell me?”

“Yeah, they did,” Jackson admits. “But I don’t think they’re one of these bad people you’re talking about. They were just trying to help me.”

“But Jackson,” Mulder says urgently, “you need to understand that—”

“You’re just going to have to trust me,” Jackson insists, and his voice sounds younger than he intends. “Please. Just trust me.”

Mulder rubs his temple with one finger. “Okay,” he says simply. “I can do trust.” He leans forward on his forearms. “But still, Jackson, I think we gotta do the DNA test. If you’re not … the person we think you are—and who Scully thinks you are, it would be too hard for her.”

“She’s been wanting to see me that bad?”

Mulder is surprised. “Of course she has. Of course.”

“But it was a closed adoption. Her choice.”

Mulder opens and closes his mouth, again seeming not to know what to say. “Since the second she let you go,” he says, his voice strained, “she’s been wanting to see you again.”

Jackson’s shine pulls in an image then of a baby in a crib, crying, and then the woman Mulder calls Scully, younger, crying and crying, inconsolable.

It’s all too sad, and Jackson is sad already.

“Okay. DNA test tomorrow then,” Jackson says, shrugging. “No big deal.”

“Great,” Mulder says, standing up. “Now I thought I’d show you where you’ll be sleeping if you want. I’ll have to put sheets on the guest bed first. Maybe you can help me. This place used to be a little more organized when Scully lived here.”

“You have a guest room, huh?” Jackson says. “Fancy.”

“Yeah,” Mulder says in a strange voice. “It’s just an extra bedroom. Small. Not too fancy.”

It was supposed to be your room. In case we got you back somehow. Mulder’s thoughts are suddenly and unexpectedly clear.

“Then I guess I better sleep in it,” Jackson responds flatly, following along behind him.

***

[bad268]

hiii! any chance you could write a Sebastian Montoya enemies to lovers fic? in my Sebas era at the moment 🤩🥳

Because of You (Sebastian Montoya X Reader)

Fandom: RPF/Formula 2/3

Requested: Clearly (thank you for being patient I loved this request!)

Warnings: road rash, injury, mentions of being attacked, hurt/comfort, “i had nowhere else to go” i hate myself

Pronouns: First person (I/me)

W.C. 2015

Summary: Classic enemies to lovers with Sebas

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^Pinterest)

Racing was my life. For as long as I could remember, I was racing, and I was racing well. I rose through the ranks relatively quickly going straight from karting to single-seater championships within two years, and I was already catching the eyes of different Formula 1 teams.  

One thing is for certain: I had my fair share of haters. One of which was someone I looked up to while karting who then turned out to be my teammate in F4 and FRECA at Prema and eventually, in F3 for HiTech. That person would be none other than Sebastian Montoya.

It was all fine when we first met during preseason testing for F4. We were getting along great, found some common interests, and he gave me some tips and tricks he used to prepare for a race. All was well until the season started, and I started winning. 

It was like I was no longer a friend but a competitor, so I did what I always did and reciprocated the acts. If he was going to be cold to me, I would be cold right back. I was taught to never waste my time on people who didn’t deserve it, and when he ran me off the road during a crucial race of the FRECA season, I saw red.

“You gonna run me off the track again, Montoya?” I teased as we both walked out of the HiTech garage toward our new cars for free practice in Spielberg for the F3 race. “I don’t think the bosses would appreciate that, honestly.”

“If you stay out of my way, we won’t have a problem,” He sneered, rolling his eyes as he finished doing up his race suit. 

“Oh, trust me. I plan to be nowhere near you,” I laughed as I pulled my balaclava over my head and started preparing the straps to my helmet. “Besides, it’s not like I have a problem with keeping my nose clean.”

“I wouldn’t have guessed given that you crashed into Gabriele last week,” Sebastian mocked, pointing out my DNF from a couple of weeks ago.

“Because you turned wide!” I exclaimed, slamming my helmet down on the table. “You turned into me, and I took evasive action. It wasn’t my fault. You were the one that got the penalty, dumbass.”

“At least I finished the race,” he snickered as he turned to walk toward his car. 

“And at least I can run in the top 3,” I whispered just loud enough for him to hear. 

“Mind saying that a little louder?” Sebastian snapped, turning to face me as he came to stand directly in front of you.

“I said, at least I can run in the top 3,” I stated firmly, not backing down from his threatening stance. “At least I can say that I’ve won in Monaco. I’m keeping up in the title fight, and where are you? Oh, right! Down in 14th. Our gap is almost as bad as Alonso on Stroll.”

“My car is shit, and you know that,” he seethed, getting up in my face as he pointed a pinger at my chest. 

“Excuses, excuses. We have the same fucking car, Seb,” I pointed out as I glared at him. “We all have the same fucking car, so don’t blame the team for your shitty driving style. Maybe if you knew how to drive, you would keep up.”

“You two can fuck later, get in your cars!” Dino shouted from the next garage over as he put his helmet on.

“Shut up, Dino!”

~~

The race went great for me. I secured pole position, scored third in the sprint, and won the feature race. These points shot me up from third to leading the championship. I was on top of the world. I decided I was going to celebrate for the night before I left for the next race. 

I was walking through the streets of Monaco pretty late at night. I was pretty sure I knew where I was going but it was also my first time in Monaco. I should have followed the map closer. I don’t remember if I walked into a bad area or if it was some crazy haters. All that I remembered was them yelling at me.

“You’re stealing a seat from people who really deserve it!”

“You’re never going to win the championship!”

“Gabriel deserved that win! You’re just in his way!”

“Undeserved! You’re just lucky!”

At some point, it got physical, and they didn’t stop until they heard sirens in the vicinity. I was breathing heavily as I picked myself up off the ground, immediately taking notice of the soreness across my face and my limbs. Somehow, I limped my way back to the hotel I would need to check out of in the morning. 

I got into my room, and as soon as I saw my reflection, I broke. It hit like a ton of bricks (and looked like it too). I slid down the wall, letting it all out. Maybe I didn’t deserve to be in F3. Maybe I didn’t deserve my seat. There are definitely more talented drivers out there. Heck, Ollie swept the weekend at the last race in Baku, and I couldn’t get past Fornaroli for second in the sprint. Maybe they were right.

I took a deep breath, stood up, and moved toward the restroom to get a good look at the wounds and clean them. My right eye was black and bruised, there was a large gash on my eyebrow, my lip was bleeding, and don’t even get me started on the road rash on my arms and legs. I was going to need some supplies to clean these up.

I grabbed my room key and walked out to the hall. Hopefully, Dino or Paul would be in their rooms. Across the hall was Dino’s room to which he didn’t answer. I sighed, already knowing if Dino didn’t answer, he probably already left, and chances are Paul was also gone. Still, I moved over a door and knocked on Paul’s door. Of course, he’s gone too. 

They were the only people I talked to on the grid, and I was not about to swallow my pride and go to the lobby for a first aid kit. Just as I was about to head back into my room, I saw a light flash from under a door. Specifically, Sebastian’s door. How desperate was I going to get for this first aid kit? Enough to ask my sworn enemy for help? Yes. 

I sighed, walking up to his door. I hesitated before knocking. What was he going to say? What if he laughed? What if he just slammed the door in my face? What if- I didn’t let my mind run anymore as I hurriedly knocked. It took a couple of seconds, but a confused Sebastian opened the door. As soon as he registered it was me, his gaze hardened until he took into account my appearance, his eyes softening almost immediately.

“I had nowhere else to go,” I whispered as I bit my lip, already expecting him to turn me away. “Do you have a first aid kit I can borrow?”

“Who the fuck mauled you?!” He all about shouted as his jaw dropped.

“Shut up,” I hissed, covering his mouth as I pushed him into his room. I closed the door quickly as I flipped us, so I was leaning into him against the door. “Do you have any idea what time it is? You’re gonna wake someone up.”

“I’m sorry,” he replied sarcastically as he pushed my hand away from his face in annoyance but quicking wincing as he heard my hiss of pain as he rubbed against one of the road rashes on my arm. He sighed as he dropped his voice to a softer tone, “Sorry, it’s not every day your teammate shows up at your door bloody. Forgive me for freaking out.”

“No, it’s a valid response,” I admitted, stepping back to give him space. That’s when I notice his eyes looking me up and down, taking in all of the injuries. “I just need alcohol and bandages if you have any.”

“Here, hop on the counter,” He offered, leading me into the bathroom. “I’ll help you.” He put his hands on my waist to help me jump up as the rashes on my legs had started scabbing and it was getting difficult to bend them. We fell into a comfortable silence, surprisingly, as he started addressing the wounds on my legs first. As he moved up my legs, he would glance up at me, making sure I was comfortable with what he was doing, causing me to nod almost every time. The one time I didn’t nod immediately was when he got back to my hips and grabbed the end of my shirt. “What if there’s a rash on your side? Or something with your ribs?”

“I don’t think I’m comfortable with taking my shirt off in front of you, Seb,” I said, honestly. “We’re constantly at each other’s throats. Who’s to say you won't make a comment about my body?”

“I would never,” He defended, “I just want to make sure you’re okay. How about I just lift it and do a quick check? If there’s nothing, we move to your arms.”

“Quick check,” I pressed, sending him a pointed look, “Nothing else.”

“Nothing else,” he smirked, pulling up my shirt a little and his eyes grew wide immediately. “So, good news and bad news. Good news, there’s no rash. Bad news, you are fifty shades of back and blue.”

“You’re kidding,” I gasped as I tried to turn around and look at my reflection, but quickly felt the pain from turning, causing me to hiss in pain again. “Okay, I believe you.”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. He stood directly in front of me but refused to meet my eye.

“Why would you be sorry? It’s not like you did this,” I asked. He had no reason to apologize for something he didn’t do. “If anything, you’re making it better.”

“I just- if I had been nicer, if we had been friends, if I had gone out with you tonight, none of this would have happened,” he admitted. “Instead, I was in here, watching a movie while you were out getting attacked. I just feel like I could have prevented this somehow.”

“That is out of your control,” I told him. Of course, it was! “You can’t control how people feel toward me. You can’t control the haters.”

“But if you had someone with you, the haters probably wouldn’t have approached you,” he explained, finally meeting my gaze. “I could have protected you.”

“That’s sweet of you, but you hated me when I left the track. There’s no way you would have risked yourself on my behalf.”

“You’d be surprised.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It’s a fine line between hate and love,” Seb admitted. “Maybe I was jealous of your success. It’s hard being compared to my dad all the time, and I was finally doing good. No offense, but you came in out of nowhere and started dominating. I don’t know if I was just jealous or envious.”

“Really? I’m here because of you!”

“What?”

“You were my idol, Seb,” I chuckled. “I saw you at a karting competition a few years ago, and because of you, I started karting. I was so excited to race with you, and it was awesome getting to learn from you ahead of the season. Then, you just flipped, and I didn’t know what I did. All I knew was that suddenly you hated me, and I reacted back.”

“You’re here because of me? And because of me, we became enemies?” 

“Yeah, but because of me, we could be in our lover's arch,” I slipped in, jokingly. At least, it was supposed to be jokingly. Sebastian didn’t take it as a joke as he immediately leaned in and connected our lips in the first of many kisses.

~~~~~

© BAD268 2024. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

[simbic]

Astarion, hmm

I've grown so very attached to Astarion because his story resonates with me. I won't go into detail, but from 2015-2017 I was in an abusive relationship with someone who took..."liberties" (to put it lightly) with my body. Two years later, I followed up with a physically/psychologically/verbally abusive relationship that I just got away from in February of this year. I'm off relationships for a while for obvious reasons, and am concerned about my ability to recognize red flags. I'm a very traumatized bitch, so...this kind of hit home lol

Astarion's arc is about learning to utilize his power to consent (or not consent) to things being done to his body or using it to do things to others, and this got under my skin. So now it's all like, hey, I wonder what it's like to help heal someone from this kind of trauma.

You see examples all throughout of him consenting and not consenting. He refuses the drow in moonrise. Refuses the twins in Sharess's Caress. But he DOES consent to sharing Tav with Halsin while asking for reassurance (Which surprised me. I don't think he'd have had the courage to ask for reassurance before, as it is a sign of vulnerability, and I don't think I'd have had Tav go through with it if he hadn't done that), because he doesn't have to be involved himself.

I took him at face value every time he did or didn't consent, which also got under my skin; I appreciated this. People tend to think you're incapable of saying yes or no if you're dealing with heavy trauma, that if you say "yes" you REALLY mean "no", but if you say no, somehow that's not open to interpretation? Telling people what they really mean is taking their agency from them. I don't appreciate the inconsistency. The infantilization of victims can be maddening and mortifying. We can, in fact, say yes to things. Astarion, over time, is able to make those choices. Healing is nuanced, very much non-linear, you learn what you can and can't accept. Astarion's trauma is centered around sex and being forced to do it, not what Tav does separately from him.

Anyway, like Astarion, I had to learn that I'm allowed to say no to things I don't want to do. And that I am able to speak up when something makes me uncomfortable. I also learned I don't mind "sharing", so to speak, as long as I don't have to be involved. Wild!!

I do wish you could have a more in depth conversation with him about Halsin and why he is saying yes, but there is none, and it doesn't look like it affects the outcome of Tav's relationship with him either way, which says plenty. It's up for interpretation I guess. As much as I appreciate this, I do prefer monogamous Astarion and Tav, soooo.

A lot of people are suggesting their interpretation of why Astarion said yes to sharing (that he can't consent to that (infantilization at its finest), that he's doing it to keep Tav in spite of him openly saying no in much heavier, much more violating/dangerous situations) is the ONLY one that is right when the devs gave no indication one way or another, and frankly its maddening and reminding me why I stay away from fandoms.

(Y'all are rabid and do, in fact, need to chill.)

There are two very pivotal scenes where he says no to doing a specific thing. If you force him, the relationship is probably ruined, unless you choose specific dialogue to keep it going. If you don't force him, you get a scene after. If you're not romancing him, he'll be like, "Why am I being such a little bitch", but then you can tell him he doesn't have to do things he doesn't want to. If you're romancing him, you can either try to push him to have sex with Tav, or accept his confession and just...not push him.

Pushing for physical intimacy is coercion. It tracks that this will also ruin his relationship with Tav. Having to choose specific options to save it icks me out, because if someone wants to leave on the basis of lack of consent, then you should not be trying to save it. It's over.

I get a lot of satisfaction from his story, because you're watching him be a snide, mean bitch (which I find extremely funny), but also you watch him fall for your Tav and find that the world is not always terrible, and kindness isn't something that has to be withheld from him. And that he does, in fact, have CHOICES and is allowed to make them. The fact that forcing him into things will ruin your relationship with him says so much about how important consent and trust is in romantic and platonic relationships.

Anyway, I am sad because he will inevitably live to see Tav die. She's a tiefling druid tho, and druids live for hundreds of years. I need people in love to be together FOREVER.

[mcgnussen]

just saw your tags on your last post on kevin’s fantastic overtake and it reminded me of a question i’ve actually been meaning to ask for some time now: if you could choose a top team for kevin, which one would you pick?

when i first thought of this question i had the ‘big three’ in mind (rbr, merc, ferrari) but now that aston martin’s made big strides, i guess they could be included too (or even another team entirely if you so choose)! i honestly struggled to come up with the best fit for kevin (merc being extremely corporate, ferrari having what appears to be a constant political upheaval, rbr laser-focusing on max, etc.) but i figured that you’d have some insight on the matter! curious to hear what you think :)

sorry for the late answer but i've actually been thinking about it for the last few days because it's a very interesting question!

k-mag has a bit of history with all three top teams actually. toto offered him a mercedes seat in a different racing back in 2015 i believe (i cannot for the life of me remember what racing series but it's in his book), red bull offered him the toro rosso seat for the 2019 season and apparently they were considering him instead of checo for 2021, and kevin obviously has a lot of contacts within ferrari due to haas, but he also was in their simulator in 2018 when leclerc had a horrid start in formula 1. i don't really see kevin at aston martin, it just feels wrong lmao, so i'll exclude them in this thought experiment.

most likely team?

for me the least likely would be mercedes. i have nothing against them, but like you said then there is quite a corporate feeling, and i don't think kevin would fit in very well. the mercedes seat would be due to lewis retiring and i think george and kevin would be a dangerous mix if i'm honest. toto has said some good things about k-mag, but i think he also sees kevin as a bit of a loose canon, so i don't see him offering kevin a seat even if toto knows that kevin would be able to deliver some good results.

then next is red bull. once again i'm unsure how wise it is to pair max verstappen with kevin. they would be extremely competitive as a duo and imo k-mag would fit in quite well at red bull. he's very much a no-bullshit person and helmut marko appears to be physically unable to mince words. i also think his reputation as a very fast and aggressive driver who is not afraid to battle anyone is something red bull would like. but driving style wise then i actually think max and kevin are very similar and i'm not sure you can have two such drivers in the same team. i actually don't think k-mag would mind being the second driver for a season or two at red bull. he would have the chance to get some poles, wins and podiums and showcase his talent to other top teams. as long as him and max start the season on equal terms, he would live with it if max does get the upper hand and then will eventually be favoured over k-mag. kevin has also proven himself to be quite the team player after returning to f1. he's very much thinking of the team above himself, so i don't think red bull and kevin are a bad match if checo needs to be replaced, but it would definitely be a bit of a gamble. if max and kevin can keep it clean on the track then i actually think they'd make a great duo. k-mag is a super calm person (despite what some people seem to believe), haas even says that sometimes he is too calm, and i think that might work well with verstappen's temper during the races.

the most likely top team for kevin would be ferrari. kevin is actually pretty involved with a lot of the people at ferrari, he has also had fred vasseur as a team principal back in the day and fred wanted to keep him in the seat at renault (however i don't think they were the bestest of friends...). the only problem with ferrari is that i think they are unlikely to get rid of any of their drivers anytime soon. sainz and leclerc are getting on well. while sainz does not have the same winning performances that leclerc does, he is pretty consistent. while charles' performances can swing a bit, we saw the best of him last season and it's clear that he is world champion potential and he's also a product of their academy. i actually think kevin would navigate ferrari politics quite well and i think ferrari needs someone like him. i love charles with all my heart, but he's too hard on himself and not hard enough on the team, and i think kevin would be the one to help keep ferrari accountable for their failures.

where would i like to see him?

i actually do not know! i don't see kevin in the mercedes, he will not fit in and he's just not a mercedes kind of driver. but i could see him as a red bull or a ferrari driver. i think he would fit in well enough on both teams. he would have an easier time at ferrari due to knowing the people working there already. ferrari is definitely a warzone rn, so if you wanted me to pick his seat for the next season, i'd have to go with red bull even if that might be a controversial take. but i think kevin would be good for ferrari. they need someone like kimi back, someone who is just straightforward, tells the team what he wants and is not afraid to call them out on their bullshit. and he would perform well against either sainz or leclerc (although i think him replacing sainz would be the most likely scenario). but at the same, i think kevin would do great things in that red bull and he'd take the fight to max and red bull would have one of the most aggressive and fearless duos on their hands in f1 history. we would definitely get race wins with kevin in that car - and the possibility of a world championship even if max would be favoured by red bull. i also think this seat will be open before a seat at ferrari opens up. not because checo is performing badly, but just because over an entire season then max is clear of him, and also it is obvious that things are not good between max and checo. and red bull will always choose max over checo.

so long story short, if you asked me to pick a seat for kevin today then i'd go with red bull, but i think ferrari is more likely. if either sainz or leclerc would be unable to drive for the rest of the season, i think kevin would be one of top candidates for that seat. they will not put shwartzman or italian jesus in it. i think kevin's main competitors would be norris, albon and hulkenberg. i think norris is locked into mclaren until his contract is up. hulkenberg's age and race performance thus far is against him and he has less of a history with ferrari than kevin. and i personally think kevin is a better driver than alex. i love alex and i have great respect for him, but i just don't think he can pull out those impossible outstanding performances that kevin is capable of. and i also think alex is too nice like charles. ferrari needs someone to put them straight and i think fred vasseur would agree with that.

[byrnt-out-music]

Review 1: Blink-182 - California (Deluxe)

I have a.... complicated relationship with California by Blink-182. I got into Blink around 2015. Just after Tom left for the second time and Matt Skiba was announced to replace him. I remember Bored To Death coming out and losing my mind. I was so excited for this album, sharing the singles on Facebook as they came out and hyping the album up to be a "masterpiece", much to my mother's chagrin. She liked them, but had called me out on a post doubtful of the "masterpiece" comment. And, as time has gone on, I realized something: She was right.

Now, don't get me wrong, this is a good record. But upon my first revisit of the album post-NINE (their followup record), the cracks started to show. I'd bought the album on CD upon release and then ordered the deluxe vinyl the moment it was announced, so that is gonna be the album I cover, as I believe the bonus tracks deserve to be included. If I posted this review as soon as I'd gotten the album at the naive age of 17, I would've given this a glowing review. However, I'm 24 now. And unfortunately for this album, my opinions have started to sour towards it. Then warmed up again. But still. Hopefully that makes sense. Let's get this goin' then, shall we? Track 1 - Cynical: A great opener, I absolutely adore screaming the outro along with Matt. I still love this song, one of my favourites on the album.

Track 2 - Bored To Death: First single. I still love this song as well, still feels the same as it did 8 years ago (fuck I'm old). The chorus on this is great, honestly for most of this album, even the stinkers have great hooks.

Track 3 - She's Out Of Her Mind: Overall decent song. Hated the music video from the start. Not so much from a "this is problematic" perspective, moreso the fact that it showed something that I've realised more and more in the years since: These guys are desperately trying to remind you that they are, in fact, Blink-182. It feels very tryhard, as if they're holding a sign the entire video that says "Hey! Remember how much you liked What's My Age Again? Remember?? Yeah that was us!!". It just feels... fake, I guess. Sorry I have more to say about the things I dislike.

Track 4 - Sober: Honestly, this used to be my least favorite song on the album. As a young elitist idiot, I hated the "going pop" aspect of it, it reminded me of 5SOS, and I did NOT like them. It's grown on me though. I like it a whole lot more, mostly for the fact that it sounds different. That's rare for the album in my opinion.

Track 5 - Los Angeles: Remember how I said I didn't like Sober cause of how different it sounded compared to normal Blink? Remember how I then said that I now love the "different" sounding tracks? Yeah, this is an exception. So experimental it sounds more tryhard than natural to me. It sounds interesting but nothing to really grab me.

Track 6 - Built This Pool: The first joke track of the album, and unfortunately the only good one. The joke isn't exactly funny to me (haha get it it's funny cuz gay), but it's short, catchy, and Travis' little remark at the end of it? Makes it worth it.

Track 7 - No Future: My biggest regret in my initial assessment of this album. This song is what made me think "masterpiece". In case you can't tell, I don't think that anymore. It's a largely forgettable song to me now, the only thing I remember is the hook. And even that is just "meh" to me. It's repetitive and not in a way that works for me. It just gets annoying and falls flat.

Track 8 - Home Is Such A Lonely Place: A nice little slow ballad. It's a very sweet song, and I love playing it on guitar and singing it. Blink has always done great ballads in my opinion, and this song is further proof that even at their worst (to me), they can still hit.

Track 9 - Kings Of The Weekend: Now here's the worst part of the album for me. Not this song, it's a nice little fun song but from this point till maybe track 13, just feels too "Blink-By-The-Numbers". Like I said earlier, this album feels less like a "Hey, we're still around and even without Tom, we can still make good shit", and more like a "Hey, Tom's gone but don't worry here's more of the same". For the songs in this stretch, it just feels like each song was done better in an earlier Blink song, or even worse, just generic. Not that I expect every Blink song to reinvent the wheel, but it at least shouldn't sound like the most average song imaginable. The next few tracks will probably be much shorter as I share these same opinions.

Track 10 - Teenage Satellites: Ugh. Do not like this song. The most "Hello, fellow kids" thing they'd done (up until Darkside's video, shudder). It's just... so tryhard. I can't. Even when I loved this album, this was one of the worst songs for me.

Track 11 - Left Alone: Good chorus. That's about all I can think of.

Track 12 - Rabbit Hole: Used to love this song so much. Probably the only one in this "stinker" stretch but still kinda mid honestly.

Track 13 - San Diego: Another good chorus. The best one of this stretch, probably the most memorable thing about it. It just sounds really good. The way Matt just slides into it ("I can't sleep/Cause what if I dream of/Going back to San Diego"). Honestly this is probably my favorite chorus on the standard edition.

Track 14 - The Only Thing That Matters: A more punky sounding track. I like to imagine this originated from the same sessions with Fat Mike that birthed Punk Rock Cliche (which Blink scrapped and NOFX later recorded), as it sounds vaguely NOFX-ish. I really enjoy this song.

Track 15 - California: Another "different" track, but I loved this one from the first time I heard it. Something about it just makes me feel good. A nice little closing track (shh) that feels like a neat credits sequence for the album.

Track 16 - Brohemian Rhapsody: Yeah. Another "joke" song. Musically it sounds good, but the joke of it? I still don't get what's funny about it. I get the joke. Haha it sounds like I'm talking about sex but I actually meant coffee haha get it haha sex funny. Yeah. It's not.

Track 17 - Parking Lot: And now the album is saved! The bonus tracks arrived and honestly, if you replaced tracks 8-12 with these, I would love the album so much more. It's a classic sounding Blink track, but without sounding too tryhard. Feels like they made these after they got Matt more settled in and it helps SO much.

Track 18 - Misery: Another absolute banger! Not much to say and I wanna try to keep the rest of these short I am so sorry. I love it so much though.

Track 19 - Good Old Days: Yet another banger, yet another chorus I love to belt at the top of my lungs.

Track 20 - Don't Mean Anything: This is probably the weakest chorus of the bonus tracks but the middle part saves it for me. I love the whole "It's a long way back from the middle of the road" part just feels so satisfying and makes it work so much better.

Track 21 - Hey I'm Sorry: This was from the Japanese version of the original album but I'm so glad they included it here. I love it so much, that chorus is up there with San Diego for one of my favorites on the album.

Track 22 - Last Train Home: A neat little more emotional track. That main guitar riff in the verses is so smooth-sounding, and the second part of the hook ("The only time I feel alive is when I find something I would die for") is my favorite lyric on the album.

Track 23 - Wildfire: Probably the most forgettable track of the bonuses. Still much better than any of the "stinker stretch" tracks by a MILE though.

Track 24 - 6/8: The heaviest Blink song??? Matt's screams on this are amazing, and I love the A Day To Remember energy they channel on this but I guarantee I am the only person who thinks that.

Track 25 - Long Lost Feeling: The ballad of the deluxe tracks, I love this one so so much. Another one I love singing and playing on guitar.

Track 26 - Bottom Of The Ocean: Whoa, it's like they finished Los Angeles and went "What if it was good?". Seriously though, this song is like a hint of the direction NINE would take, and what kickstarted my reevaluation of the album as a "masterpiece", as after I grew to like this, the album suddenly just felt so... bland.

Track 27 - Can't Get You More Pregnant: Of course it had to end with another "joke" track. The joke is masturbation, in case you couldn't tell. I wanna say I have no problem with jokes like the ones they make on this album, but these aren't funny to me. There's no "joke" to it, they're just going "haha gay, haha sexual innuendo, haha jacking off". The music is still good tho.

----

Overall, this is probably one of my least favorite Blink albums. Thankfully they followed this up with NINE, one of my favorite ones. I would give this album a 6.5/10, but only because of the bonus tracks. Standard edition would be a 4.5/10 honestly. Funny, considering this was a 10/10 at one point for me. Mom, I'm sorry. You were right.

----

Next album in my vinyl collection is The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me by Brand New, so get ready for a much more positive review when that comes.

[fedorahead]

update for anyone tracking it-

my pronouns were a little out of date, one of my epiphanies last month had to do with my inability to adhere to any sort of gender binary for more than a short time (maybe a year max) and while i still very much identify as a gnc man, shit's more complicated than that and i feel like he/they simplified it in a way that deviated from my reality.

so i'm going back to the pronouns i used from like 2015-2021?ish? thëy/thëm.

i don't actually mind if someone uses different pronouns, and i know umlauts don't work on every keyboard, so i am not pressed if someone uses a different pronoun for me and i think there's a clear contextual difference between making a guess and making a conscious effort to disrespect me that is usually clear by the words surrounding the pronouns

but i figured i'd put them there in case someone comes looking for what my genuine preference is.

[eazy-group]

Tamara lost 196 pounds

New Post has been published on https://eazydiet.net/tamara-lost-196-pounds/

Tamara lost 196 pounds

Transformation of the Day (Update): Tamara lost 196 pounds. She first shared her journey with us in 2015 after losing 105 lbs. Shortly after, she was hit by a car and regained 70 lbs over the course of 2 1/2 years. She shared with us how she reclaimed her health and got back on track.

Social Media: Facebook: Tamara Perry-Vance Instagram: @Happay_ness TikTok: @tadesa93

Here it is! I was in the grand scheme of things back in 2015 after losing 165 pounds. Then boom, bam, thank you, Mam… life happened! I got hit by a car in February 2016!

Now I thought I was on top of the world because I had just sent my before and after photo to BWLW a couple of months before! Guess what?! I am so glad I was hit by a car because I found out after losing all that weight I didn’t like myself! I found out that weight loss is a mental game! I found out I had other traumas and addictions to deal with!

Before/After photo from 2015

After essentially regaining 60 lbs (or a little bit more, I had to get all the inside junk out of me! The weight of validation, the weight of numbing myself with alcohol and pain pills! It became a whole different journey for me! With that being said! I started the Happayness Journey!

This journey allowed me to heal while losing the weight that I had put while being on my back for two years! I went back to long-distance running, loving myself, and adding weight training (oh boy, my love-hate relationship). Did I say love me, and having boundaries like no other? 

So, I’m back to say you can win, lose, and come back as a bigger winner! Never stop the process! Get better, not bitter! Always remember to Be. The. Best. You!

When did you start your journey? How long did your transformation take? I started my journey in 2014. I had Gastric Sleeve surgery. I found out it was only a tool. It was not THE tool. I found out nothing can save you but you. You are the tool.

As I said, I was hit by a car in 2016, and on my back on and off in pain for 2 1/2 years. I regained 70 lbs during that time. I got the courage to get back up and lose the 70 lbs, plus an additional 40 lbs.

What was your motivation? What inspired you to keep going, even when you wanted to give up? My motivation was me! I decided that me vs me. When I looked in the mirror, did I like me? No one else. If I could like myself in that mirror, then I could mirror that to the world and build up my confidence, stamina, and longevity for the love of LIFE.

How did you change your eating habits? I drink my breakfast. I heard that long ago, and it took me some years to apply it to my life. I do this primarily on Monday-Friday. If I feel like I had a “bad day or bad days,” I squeeze in some Fasting moments.

What is your workout routine? I’m a runner, but I must confess: I hate weights. I read a David Groggins book, and after reading it, I added repetitious weight training. The truth is I still hated it, but this is the reason why I’m toned!

How often did you work out? I work out at least 15 minutes a day for my mind. Weight lightlessness is all mental!

What was your starting weight? What is your current weight? My start weight was 350 pounds. Today, I weigh 154 pounds with the bumps and bruises of life! Remember, it’s harder maintaining it than releasing it.

What is your height? 5’7″

What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned so far? You must listen to your mind, not the outside world.

What advice do you have for women who want to lose weight? Do it for you. It’s you vs you. You are with you 24 hours a day, and you don’t want to live with a miserable person every day.

Read more about Tamara’s journey

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[didsomebodysaypancakes]

Throwback to the first time I saw pictures from OMG Check Please and I honestly thought it was a Stucky college AU fancomic

[kelvin-loves-music]

TO PIMP A BUTTERFLY - KENDRICK LAMAR REVIEW

INTRO

I was sitting around thinking of my next album to review and just procrastinating mostly, which is a horrible habit I have. This album has been on my mind for so long because of the significance and meaning behind it and what I feel has done to rap as a genre. It's a great album and it's just so different than any other album I have listened to. I don't think anybody can replicate this except for Kendrick. So let's skip the intros my name is Kelvin and this is a review on To Pimp A Butterfly by Kendrick Lamar

REVIEW

Where do I even begin? I think just from the start I guess. Released on March 15th 2015, again, 2015 was an amazing year for music. The intro, "Wesley's Theory" is just legendary, the production, the lyrics, the Boris Gardiner sample with the “Every nigga is a starrrrr”, just beautiful. Then the narrating, explaining the butterfly breaking out the cocoon with a strong “HIT ME”. Thundercat's bass sounds heavenly, it's so bubbly and warpy, that's the only way I can really describe it. Can we talk about Thundercat’s bass skills? He's really one of the best bassists I have heard in this millenium! Kendricks soft soothing hook gets stuck in my head everytime I listen to this track. Kendrick spitting about being a new hit in the rap scene with his last album "Good Kid,M.A.A.d city" proves he will stay a household name for years to come. He is every white boys favorite rapper along with Eminem and Logic of course. The hook of the song basically explains the overall main theme of the album, a rapper being used by the industry. Calling the rap game “his first girlfriend”, it was true love at first but now turned into a lustful relationship just used for a nut. Moving on to the first verse it holds a lot more meaning and explaining the main theme in further detail, young black artists who had dreams and aspirations in the music industry but are basically "pimped" by their labels and used for monetary gain.

Thundercat with his soft vocals contrast from the first verse singing "We should never gave niggas money. Go back home, money, go back home". Which is right because when niggas get money they're gonna do nigga activities, buying cars, jewelry and everything that comes with the modern rapper today. In the perspective of the rich white who has "worked hard for their things" they see the average rich nigga as a lazy, untalented, useless person with no morals and no work ethic because they didn't have to "struggle like they did". Somewhat true, but what they forget is most white people are set from the beginning to the end of their lives. They forget about their generational wealth, privilege, and the feeling of knowing everything will be fine in life. After another hook, Dr. Dre interjects and brings in another theme of the album. When you have power and money, the hard part about it is keeping this power. There will be people who will want pieces and percentages in exchange for the best things in life, like fancy cars, lavish houses and things of the like. Forcing you to lose sight of yourself and soon losing it all because of how deep you were in the lavish, rich lifestyle. In the verse after the break, Kendrick elaborates more on it with a character named "Uncle Sam" offering him the best of the best thinking this is just an average nigga who got lucky and will get scammed before he even turns 35. The people who benefit the most from Kendrick's name will not be himself but the people who help him along his way. The business men, the shady record labels, the works. This just the first song and there's already so much juiciness in it. Gotta move on before this turns into a long ass William Shakespeare paper. Shout out Wesley Snipes.

Kendricks lyrics > William Shakespeare's life.

"This dick ain't free.” Everything is money, even dicks? Starting with a awesome saxophone leading to a harmonizing choir, then I'm getting demeaned and bullied by a sexy girl. What can be better about this song? In all seriousness the girl yelling at us is basically America and how they've been disrespecting and attacking black people since the beginning of this shit country. Black people have limited paths in fame; you can be a rapper or a sports star, maybe an actor if you're attractive but that's really it. America isn't satisfied with your money unless you have one of those careers. This fast rap, rhythm heavy and hard production will be so fast, it will go over your head the first few listens, hell maybe even the first 20 listens! But basically, the political commentary behind this is: America eats while black people get leftovers. Men have to pay to get into a girls pants but Kendrick’s fighting back against that, buy him a meal to get into his strong 9 inches and how hard he has worked to be in the spot he is in now. At the end the girl says she will get her “Uncle Sam” to fuck him up, meaning if he keeps trying to step out of line, the government will get involved and fuck his ass up in debt. The girl also says he ain't no king but next track is called "King Kunta" soooo who's lying here? There's more to it but again, don't wanna bore you with witty political commentary because I love this album but hate politics.

Moving on to "King Kunta", yo this song sounds good but it kinda falls short to me. I feel like Kendrick should've formatted it better, there's like too many pauses in the actual verses. I think the chorus is awesome and should set a tone for the song, but I don't think it flows well when he says a line, pauses, then another line, pause, then another line. It's just not satisfying my ears. Nonetheless that's like the only complaint I have for the song. The guitar solo near the end is something I didn't even know was needed in a song like this, but without it, I think it still would've been perfect. This song is such a victory lap type of song, you would play this after you just achieved something you really wanted. I feel songs like this are what establishes an artist like Kendrick, setting him apart from any other rapper. Kendrick puts deep meaning into rhythm heavy, melody driven songs like this. Kendrick is just a genius, I gotta suck his dick for second. Like bro he just sounds so good and comforting and it's crazy how timeless an album like this is. Fuck slavery, shout out Kunta Kinte and fuck a Toby.

"I remember you was conflicted, misusing your influence"

(The start of Kendricks poem, being told to Tupac.) Man living in the ghetto sucks dick :/. The message behind all these songs just got me thinking about life. I think I'm gonna stop going song to song and just give my full opinion on this album because there's a lot of songs and I kinda got bored of writing. I just didn't know how to start. But now that we got the theme and narrative on this album, I think it builds a lot of self esteem and self love, especially with the song "i". This album just wants us to be more socially aware and think more about the situation we are in. But only for people that are actually willing to listen.

This album has so many hits back to back that there will be a song or two with strong meaning, and it will just fall on deaf ears because it just sounds good. I think many rappers should be writing like this, especially conscious rappers. Not exactly copy, or try to do something like this, just be more planned out and make it more beautiful than just fast rap about how you used to be broke or didn't have enough growing up, expecting you to feel something. This album will teach something, this album will give a you a new perspective on life, this album will help you no matter in what situation you're in or where you are in your life. If you can think and have feelings, listen to this once, you’ll come back to it. First listen might just be a vibe, next few listens you'll catch a word or two that will make you think, and then the next ten listens you'll be researching it day in and day out because of the amount of content in it. Kendrick came into this game with so much energy and love, and with his ideologies and thoughts. Everyone should listen to it no matter who they are and give it a fair thought and opinion. I am tired, I get tired a lot nowadays. Maybe it will be a while until my next review.

I already got tired typing like 4 songs in, but only because I didn't want you to get bored. Again, Kendrick came with so much energy and with his newest album being "DAMN", it makes me wonder, when will he get tired? This album has gorgeous, dreamy, psychedelic production, and jumpy flows, and I think all the songs can be deeply analyzed and taken part in their own ways.

RATING

I give it a 9/10, My name is Kelvin and I still love you so much.

Top 5 songs has to be

5. Institutionalized

4. These Walls

3. King Kunta

2. i

1. Wesley’s Theory

Honorable mentions: “u”, “The Blacker The Berry”, “Alright”

[louisupdates]

Nearly two years after postponing his debut solo tour, Louis Tomlinson performed to a sold out crowd on Feb. 17 at Boston’s House of Blues as part of his long-awaited “Louis Tomlinson World Tour.” After such a long wait it was no surprise that the Brit’s fervent fans began lining up as early as 7:30 A.M. to secure highly coveted barricade spots for the show. Taking the stage with nothing more than a mic stand, a backing band, and a giant smiley face behind him, Tomlinson let the music take over. Through a balanced mix of the new and the nostalgic, his performance proved that the once-boyband star can excel all on his own.

Fans in the audience were quickly rewarded for their time when Tomlinson displayed his experience and expertise as a performer by interacting with the crowd. In turn, the crowd supported Tomlinson’s hometown with Doncaster Rovers Football Kits dotting the audience, along with nearly a dozen Louis Tomlinson dolls. As an added surprise for the singer, fans also came together to take part in a nightly fan project — giving out an abundance of pride flags to hold up during the concert. Throughout the performance, Tomlinson displayed a unique ability to make a large crowd feel small — reading signs, flipping off audience members (something that has become a sign of endearment among Tomlinson’s fans), and even filming himself on a fan’s phone that had been thrown on stage.

The singer’s expert stage presence was supported by strong vocals throughout. He maneuvered the crowd through rousing lyrics from his debut solo album, 2020’s “Walls.” After opening with the mid-tempo rock ballad “We Made It” and a One Direction cover, Tomlinson performed a stretch of songs from the album including “Two of Us” and “Too Young.” While Tomlinson’s discography can at times feel formulaic, his music transcends in a live setting. Songs like “Don’t Let It Break Your Heart” and “Always You” that come across as generic on recording were invigorated with new energy during the concert as Tomlinson bounced off the crowd's high energy. A casual concert goer would never guess that Tomlinson's “Copy of A Copy of A Copy” was an unreleased track as his devoted fans sang along without missing a single word.

“I know you know the words to this one,” Tomlinson remarked before launching into a crowd-pleasing rendition of One Direction’s 2015 hit “Drag Me Down.” The cover marked the first of three One Direction songs the former band member would sing. Tomlinson also took time to pay tribute to two of his musical influences, including a cover of Kings of Leon’s 2013 single “Beautiful War.” The surprise highlight of the night came during Tomlinson’s cover of Catfish and the Bottlemen’s indie rock track “7.” The song’s stripped back choruses allowed Tomlinson’s vocals to shine, building up to a bombastic final chorus featuring a belt unlike anything from his own discography.

Tomlinson’s encore turned out to be carefully crafted to highlight the best parts of this performance. The three-song stretch began with “Only the Brave,'' a stripped back number that stands out from Tomlinson’s collection of otherwise forgettable slow songs. After a quick final thank you speech for his crew and supporting act (the punk rock band Sun Room), Tomlinson reached for yet another crowd pleaser with a solo rendition of One Direction’s “Through the Dark” that had the entire audience captivated.

Tomlinson closed out the 90-minute set with his debut album’s second single “Kill My Mind.” On its own, “Kill My Mind” is a Tomlinson performance at its very best. Paying homage to mid ’90s Britpop, the track’s anthemic chorus shook the venue, threatening to overwhelm the House of Blues as if meant for the biggest stage and the loudest crowd. This track reached new heights as his concert finale, leaving the audience with one final taste of his stage presence. Old and new fans alike left with a new perspective on Tomlinson as an artist — the greatest accomplishment for a debut solo tour. With performances like these in his future, Tomlinson has the makings of a successful solo career.

[aurora-daily]

Aurora: ‘Enya has been medicine to me my whole life’

AURORA for The Irish Times by Ed Power, found by agenahadar on Warriors and Weirdos forums (January 19th 2022)

When the singer and producer Aurora Aksnes was growing up in a small town in western Norway she didn’t know much about the world. But she knew she loved Enya with all her heart. Only later did she discover the ethereal Irish artist had for many years been dismissed as naff and cheesy – regarded, essentially, as a scented candle in human form.

“She taught me as a child the value of my voice. And she proved to me how music can be medicine. She’s been medicine to me my whole life,” says Aurora speaking from her home in Bergen. “I guess the world likes to undermine what feels soft and female. If you’re a woman who loves football you’re cool. If you’re a man who loves nail polish you’re not cool. Enya to me is the sound of Mother Earth and motherly love and spiritually and serenity. It’s not cheesy at all.”

Enya is one of the pop icons to whom Aurora has been likened since breaking through with the haunting single Runaway. She has also been hailed as a successor to Bjork (predictable given their shared Nordic heritage) and to Florence and the Machine and The Knife’s Karin Dreijer. However, on forthcoming third album, The Gods We Can Touch, the 25-year-old demands to be heard in her own right and not to be compared to other artists.

The Gods We Can Touch is an operatic exploration of religion and the dynamic between gender and faith. Yet these heavy subjects are offset by Aurora’s mellifluous croon. And by her talent for combining multi-faceted lyrics with tumultuous electronica.

“Religion fascinates me because it’s been a part and a need we’ve had for as long as humanity can remember,” she says. “I don’t always understand it. But I have a lot of spirituality in myself.”

On The Gods We Can Touch she investigates the idea that our deities were created in the images of men. That the female side of the spiritual has been erased. “In Greek mythology the gods were both men and women. And we changed that and [started] burning witches. There’s been a lot of painful history.”

She delves these subjects with gusto on single Cure For Me, a slab of dark disco inspired by her study of gay conversion therapy. This, she was shocked to discover, has yet to be made illegal in Norway (it likewise remains unprohibited in Ireland).

“Isn’t that shocking?” she says. “Because obviously it’s not [common practice], I guess. It’s not something I assume anyone would be talking proudly that they want to send their son to conversion therapy. But still it just blew my mind.”

Aurora wrote Runaway age 11, though it would be many years before she truly understood the meaning of her own lyrics. Composed for a school assignment, it is an ode to discovering your place in the world. Running away can mean physically removing yourself from a difficult situation. However, that change can manifest mentally or emotionally, too.

“Take me home/Take me home where I belong,” she sings on the chorus – confirming that the track is as much about finding somewhere you belong as it is about turning your back on a life you’ve outgrown.

Runaway was release in 2015, becoming a top 30 hit around the world. In the past year it has had a new lease of life as a social media anthem. The single, which Billie Eilish has said inspired her to write songs, returned to the UK top 50 and has been clocking up 300 million viewers per day on TikTok.

“It was very strange. And it made me really existential and to reflect on all the time that has passed [since she wrote it]. And also [to realise] you never know when the world chooses to like something collectively at the same time. The world agrees that right now we like this and tomorrow we like something else,” she says. “It scared me also how big something suddenly can become. And I’m not sure I’m liking it.”

Aurora is softly-spoken and lives a life of contended reclusiveness in suburban Bergen. And while she doesn’t lack for confidence she is clearly not a natural born hobnobber. She used to hate the glad-handling that is bound up with every successful music career: the post-show meet and greets, the flesh-pressing with record label executives.

“It’s taken me a lot of time to deal with it. It is a huge part of my life – these situations. It’s ironic – it is always artists that maybe are the least suited to these things. You know, as sensitive beings. But it has become easier.”

If Runaway brought her to the brink of the big time she finally crossed the threshold three years ago when providing backing vocals on Disney’s Into the Unknown for Frozen 2. She speaks warmly of singing alongside Frozen’s Idina Menzel while being upfront that it was a completely different universe. It wasn’t her first experience of the corporate music world: in 2015, she had covered Oasis’s Half the World Away for the John Lewis Christmas ad. Disney and Frozen, though, was far bigger.

“It’s always more daunting to have to do something on someone else’s piece of art, someone else’s baby. I enjoy being a bit scared of something and then doing it anyways.”

With lockdowns, she hasn’t been able to tour. She did, though, travel to Glasgow for the Cop26 climate conference, performing at a fundraiser for Brian Eno’s EarthPercent charity. As with religion, she feels our approach to the environment has been hijacked by toxic machismo and is crying out for a more feminine perspective. This cycles back to the theme of the new record: that many facets of human existence – religion, the environment, our attitude to Enya – could benefit from an infusion of feminine energy.

“During the witch burning, I would have been burned so quickly,” she says. “I’ve been reflecting a lot about this – I’ve been thinking about Mother Earth. And then I was thinking about how easy it is to make a woman sound crazy or feel crazy. I’ve actually been quite inspired by seeing the internet react to Greta Thunberg. She so deeply tries to warn the world of a battle we’re close to losing. And I find it a really emotional topic – not a political one.”

Emotion will, in the end, be what saves us, she feels.

“Maybe we’re reaching a point where it’s to late to fix it [the environment]. And also [we are] not listening to the activists who are speaking about this in an emotional manner. You have to be strict and, based on statistics, to be considered believable. [But] that way of speaking doesn’t encourage the people to care. And then you are not being believed and you are told you are being crazy because you are speaking about it in an emotional way. And that confuses me so much. Forever in our history it’s always the underdogs who are hurt the most. It’s always the same people being hurt. And that’s so sad.”

[loustyleshtommo]

Coincidences that are keeping me up all night:

12 May 2015

Louis went to Snoop Dogg’s album release party. He got papped as he left. A mysterious blonde in those pics would be reported as having his baby later. I’m not posting the cursed pic. We all know which one.

12 May 2017

Exactly two years later, Harry released his solo debut album. His album cover looks like he’s dramatically crying in the bathtub with pink water. Or maybe he’s trying not to make that honking laugh. Guess we’ll never know which one for sure, because we only see his back.

Horseback riding happened to be one of H’s favourite things to do, according to his answer in FOURPLAY. Aka the game in which he said “not that important” to female being a trait he looks for in a lady.

But that obviously has nothing to do with said Snoop Dogg’s album cover two years prior. With blue horse dog nibbling on green bush in front of the trees and green screen. His name & album name in capital letters on top left and right.

Although Louis styled his name & album name the same way on WALLS album cover, too. In which he’s just sitting there looking like a prisoner. But that’s unrelated. Obviously, Snoop Dogg couldn’t be a bluegreening Larrie who knew what was going to happen in advanced, right?

11 Oct 2017

Before Louis dropped the masterpiece that is his WALLS album. He released Just Like You on National Coming Out day first. 25 and it’s all planned.

2 Feb 2019

Harry just turned 25. Louis posted 3 pics on IG with the caption: It’s coming… the first picture is in a film reel with a very interesting number on top corner: 22. Guess what else had already happened in film reel? Taylor Swift’s 22 MV. In which the party at the end fit quite nicely with Night out and it’s 10 grand. Which in turn, looks like Taylor’s End Game MV & maybe Louis’s Miss You MV (where you see ME on the wall to his left in the middle of the song & a vertical Style to his right at the end of the song.)

26 Apr 2019

Taylor released her single ME! on Lesbian Visibility Day

13 Dec 2019

Taylor just turned 30.

Harry released Fine Line. Thus, digging up Haylor grave. Headlines that I can’t stand.

31 Jan 2020

It’s the last day that Harry was 25 years old.

But you only get half of the story. Luckily, we get each half from two people to make it whole.

Louis released his WALLS album. He said it’s his most honest album so far. Okay, Princess Park.

Taylor released Only The Young for her Miss Americana Documentary. Prior to this, she already sang: There’s nothing like this Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince. Effectively calling out her own documentary as half bulls*it in advance with Lover. Of course, Cornelia Street.

23 July 2020

Taylor released folklore, on the 10th anniversary for the first day of One Direction.

Track 15 peace (Your integrity makes me feel small. You paint dreamscape on the wall.) did kill my mind far too many times to count. First, by being The Number: 28-13=15. The difference between Louis’s number and Taylor’s number.

Second, by being the word on Louis’s white t-shirt in that “I love you first” interview before Haylor took over the gossip front pages.

Then, the lyrics video looks like it could be the background filming location of Louis’s We Made It: Director’s cut. Let’s move on before I fall down that deep dark abyss of a rabbit hole.

11 Dec 2020

Taylor released evermore out of nowhere, right before Louis’s first livestream concert, no less.

12 Dec 2020

It’s the last day that Taylor was 30 years old.

Louis held his first livestream concert with a giant, golden H on his chest. He debuted Copy of a Copy of a Copy. Its lyrics just happened to match the visual cue in Taylor’s Willow MV. From the album she just dropped the day before. No biggie. Pure unadulterated coincidence, right? Definitely not

Copy

Of a Copy

Of a Copy

Right?

Run by Taylor ft. Ed from her RED’s vault won’t be related to 1D’s Ready To Run from FOUR in capital underlined, right?

It won’t be the moment I knew Everything Has Changed, right?

[ilovejevsjeans]

Daniel Ricciardo on his passion for combat sports, a walkout song and the time he asked Lewis Hamilton to ‘fight’

McLaren Formula One driver Daniel Ricciardo, who currently sits seventh in the driver standings heading into this weekend’s Spanish Grand Prix, is among the world’s best behind a steering wheel. But how would he fare if he swapped his racing gloves for boxing or MMA gloves?

“I’d love to do a charity boxing match or something just to feel that adrenaline of walking to a ring,” Ricciardo said. “It’s on my to-do list for sure. At school I had a few little fights but nothing crazy. Nothing I’d brag about here.”

Ricciardo says he learned the sport of boxing from a friend who fought as an amateur growing up. However in recent years his love of combat shifted more toward mixed martial arts, a sport that is “quite beautiful. It’s an art form and I was just taken by it.”

The Australian — who boasts 4.6 million followers on Instagram — rarely misses a fight night, whether that’s a small card or pay-per-view. Every Monday he gears up for multiple MMA podcasts to hear analysis on what just took place in the cage.

In an exclusive interview with The Athletic, Ricciardo opened up about his love for fighting, which driver would make the best opponent and why Lewis Hamilton turned down an opportunity to get in the ring against him.

You’re an avid fight fan. How did this passion for the sport start?

One of my best friends growing up, when he was growing up, he was doing amateur boxing and got very good at it. I was then doing my racing and he was doing his boxing. We were both on a bit of an unconventional path — both individual sports, not really the typical sports the kids at school were doing. We had that in common. Once I started taking my racing more seriously I began taking my fitness more seriously. So I started going to his gym to just train. I really enjoyed doing it. But the truth is — I don’t want to lie to anyone. I’m not a fighter. As much as I would picture beating the bully up at school, it’s not me. But I just fell in love with not only doing it but also watching it.

I enjoyed watching boxing but it was really when I got exposed to MMA … It just had me. It was back in 2011 when I started properly getting into it. It was the quickest sport I had ever been absorbed by. I was all in.

My whole YouTube feed is just all MMA shows, whether it’s press conferences, interviews, podcasts. It’s just full of MMA stuff. I’m a full nerd now.

Being in Australia and traveling a lot, are you forced to get up at weird times for fights?

The beauty was I was in LA when (Conor McGregor vs. Dustin Poirier 2) was on so it was prime time and I was happy. But normally in Europe, it’s 4 a.m. or 5 a.m., which isn’t as good. Any kind of sporting event that you look forward to, it’s always cool when it’s in the evening because you have all day to get ready and talk about it. If you wake up at 4 a.m. it’s like “ugh,” and then you’re straight into it so there’s not as much of a build-up. But it’s all good.

So do you still train at all?

No. To races, my trainer carries some pads and gloves just to stay a little sharp and change it up. If I’m getting my reflexes with some tennis balls, maybe I throw in a bit of a boxing combination or something. Again, I’m not saying I’m good or anything. But I just enjoy the whole movement part of it.

Boxing was cool and I enjoyed watching it growing up. But there was something with MMA where there’s just so many different disciplines and the matchups … as a contest it was so much more open and for that, exciting. I feel — I know it’s not always the case — you can kind of tell in boxing if someone is getting momentum, the advantage. It’s like “this guy is going to win the fight.” But in MMA, it’s like “this guy is winning standing but if this goes to the ground, it’s back to square one.” So I just loved it. I was really immersed by it all.

Did you have a particular fighter or fight that got you hooked early on?

One of the first events I watched was UFC 116. Chris Leben was on the card and I think he was losing the fight. And then he got a triangle with probably 20 seconds to go in the third round, so that was really exciting. Stephan Bonnar was also on that card and he got a really cool finish on “The Polish Experiment” Krzysztof Soszynski. That was a card for me where I was very taken from that. Then I discovered “The Ultimate Fighter.” I just binge-watched all of those (seasons).

In terms of fighters, Leben was a character, I liked him. Carlos Condit. I’d say Condit and Cub Swanson were two guys I got behind early on. Condit, I love his style and the way he carries himself.

Have you been to a lot of cards in person?

The very first one I did was the best for me personally. To this day, it’s my favorite sporting event I’ve ever been to: (Conor) McGregor-(Chad) Mendes. Vegas in July 2015. Obviously McGregor, but he wasn’t yet a champion and still kind of on the rise. It was the energy and atmosphere. It was just wild.

The whole event too. (Robbie) Lawler-(Rory) MacDonald, which had the fight of the year. Every fight on the main card I think was a finish, so I got very lucky at my first event.

I’ve done (Michael) Bisping-(Anderson) Silva in the UK. That was a great contest as well.

There are a lot of great fighters from Australia and New Zealand like Israel Adesanya, Alexander Volkanovski and Robert Whittaker. Have you had a chance to meet any of them?

I haven’t met them. A couple of them I’ve had interactions with on social media. But I love Whittaker, obviously Volkanovski is killing it. I’m fairly patriotic to the Aussie fighters. If they are fighting, 99 percent of the time I’ll be supporting them. But one of my good buddies is roommates with Luke Rockhold, so I got to know Luke the last couple of years. I was trying to do some training over Christmas with him but it didn’t end up working out.

I know you’re a big shoey guy. What do you think of Tai Tuivasa doing it after wins?

I’ve had a bit of contact with Tuivasa as well. It’s obviously great. But one thing I can’t get behind is spitting. That’s a little extra.

Plus he’ll grab some random fan’s shoe.

He definitely takes it to the next level. It’s cool that — as disgusting as it is — we have some traditions like this.

Shifting a bit to F1, have you ever gotten into any big fights on the track? What was the worst fight you’ve gotten in?

Earlier in go-karting there was a bit more. Unfortunately in F1, I guess because you’re on the world’s stage, even if you push someone you probably are going to get a fine or get penalized. At times it’s a little too clean. But I’m still waiting for the day that someone confronts me and I just lay them out (laughs).

You also just seem a lot more laid back than a lot of other drivers, so you’d probably not be my first choice of someone getting into a fight soon.

I’m all talk, it would be nice obviously to not have to fight anyone. But no one would expect it from me. Even when I tell people I’m a fight fan, people are like “oh really? You’re into that? You seem too nice to like that.”

But to get where I have in the sport, you need a bit of a killer streak in you. I do have it, but don’t always show it.

What other driver would make the best fighter?

I know some guys have done — for fitness — hit some pads. Randomly, he doesn’t have a seat this year, but Daniil Kvyat started doing quite a lot of boxing last year for his training. I saw a few clips and it started to look like he knew what he was doing. I would say he would be the guy who has the most idea. I’d put him and myself up there. The rest I don’t think stand a chance.

So if you had a charity event, you don’t have anyone in particular you’d want to go against?

To be honest, I actually asked Lewis Hamilton. At the beginning of 2016, he posted a video on his Instagram hitting pads. I was as well at the time, so I was like “hey, let’s do a charity fight.” I asked him in person. But he didn’t bite on that one so I was a little sad.

I might re-ask the question.

What about Max Verstappen? For people who watched the first season of the F1 show “Drive to Survive” on Netflix, I’m sure they would love to see you guys throw down at some point.

That would have been cool as well (laughs). Max would be a good competitor in the ring. The way he drives, he’s quite stubborn. He’d be a hard guy to put away. He’s probably the guy that you’d choke him and he’s going to sleep and not tapping. That would make an interesting one.

In contrast, is there an MMA fighter you’d like to race on the track?

An obvious one would be Conor McGregor. To hear in his Irish accent all kinds of things, that would make pretty good television. And he loves his cars. It’s obvious, but that would probably be the best.

How often would you say you watch fights now? Not just PPVs, right?

Unless I have something like work or another commitment, I’m watching it every week. Mondays I’m getting ready for every podcast. I sound like a real nerd but it’s just an addiction. I love it. Anyone doing that for Formula 1, I’d be like “you’re such a nerd,” but here I am doing it with MMA.

Is it hard to follow everything during the race season?

If I can’t see it live, then 100 percent I’m going to watch the replay or buy it later. But it’s also a good escape. If I’m traveling and I’m in between races, to get my mind away from my competition, I like to watch it. I also try to pick up things as well. Whether it’s from a mental point of view … I’ll look at the walkouts and how they are behaving. I try to figure out if they are really as calm and collected as they are portraying or if it’s a bit of a facade. I’m trying to work out what I can use in my events.

Do you have a walkout song prepared if you were to fight?

I’ve thought about it. The short answer is no. You typically have to have something heavy and fast, but I fell in love with Chris Weidman’s “Won’t Back Down.” It’s not typically a song that will pump you up but it’s so iconic and now it’s his, it’s very fitting.

I’d go for something more lyrically powerful as opposed to instrumental. I loved Max Holloway’s, I think it’s called Mount Everest (by Labrinth). (X)

[ericmun]

210314 Shinhwa’s Eric and Dongwan’s Instagram Updates

Just a quick note as what might transpire this. There have been posts from fans pressuring about the lack of Shinhwa activities and Eric got the flak usual. One post in particular on the day before (Saturday night) that tagged all the members that probably why this happened, why he feels he’s been treated unfairly, as well as explaining why he had to go on SNS.

The clash between Eric and Dongwan is nothing new. It is mostly personality differences and ways of doing things. We are posting this because everyone has the right to understand what’s going on with a full and accurate translation (as accurate as possible) of how things went. Thanks so much 6crystalis for these long translation.

Eric’s 1st post:

I was keeping track quietly, but the problem is that the gap between internal affairs compared to external perception is too big, and so, there is constant conflict between the two. I thought if just leave it, it would slowly disappear by itself. Instead, the difference became so big, these was nowhere left to take a stand. I always thought that when it came to problems, the right thing to do was to dig it up by its roots and untangle it bit by bit; you shouldn't try to cover it up and pretend nothing happened. But in the end, I chose to listen to the opinions of different people and left it alone. One guy who always put group activities before all other work. Another guy who puts certain emphasis on solo activities, but during this period is emphasizing on Shinhwa activities. Although, it caused problems for group communication and schedules, but to fans, he is an intimate and gentle guy. Two people with different thought processes, so I've decided I need to go find and understand each person's differences. But everyone is too one-sided on who they are listening to, to the point that only support the one saying nice words to them, and cursing the condition of the person who is quietly working hard for the group. Isn't that too much? If the problem only stopped at supporting VS not supporting, it doesn't matter, but is it really necessary to go to the extremes of praising one side to high heavens and making personal attacks on the other? Right now, it's not 50/50, it's more than 90% of the people who think the latter's style is correct. Then that means everything I had been doing during that period is wrong. Just let me switch places with the later then, it's easy. But, can you put on some restraint, the group of people on DC? Aren't you tired? Stop gathering in groups in places I'm absent and discussing things that aren't set? If you want to talk about those things, then say it when you come join the group meeting. Didn't I already ask you guys (the members) 3 weeks ago about setting the schedule? If you actually want to resolve this, then let's talk. I have no way of contacting you, so I'll tag you, and I will also let Andy know. You'll invite me to tomorrow's live right? I'll be there.

Note: Eric tagged Dongwan for this post as seen in the photo

Source: muneric Translation: 6rystalis

Eric’s 2nd post:

Because I was afraid of causing conflict, I thought just leaving it would make it disappear, so I chose to say pretty words filled with hope that were false to make people happy and just leave everything. I think that’s just making me doenjang (superficial/full of BS)

Text on the chat:

ERIC: What time is the live tomorrow, Andy? ANDY: The time is not set yet, hyung. We'll set it after meeting with Dongwanie hyung tomorrow. ERIC: Can you tell him to invite me for tomorrow liveㅎㅎ ANDY: Okay ERIC: ㅋㅋㅋ ANDY: ㅋㅋㅋㅋ ERIC: I'm curious what he'll say ㅎㅎ No matter what he says, just forward it to me. I'll also adjust as needed. If it's really too convenient, then I'll think of a way to adjust it. ANDY: eung eung (yes yes)

Source: muneric Translation: 6rystalis

Dongwan’s post:

I am Kim Dongwan.

First of all, I feel very sorry for all the Shinhwa Changjo who got shocked.

Tomorrow, I will meet the members and have a good talk. Because it is internal affairs, we should discuss it among ourselves first.

The previous announcement about holding a live with Andy will go ahead as planned.

The conception of Shinhwa albums and concerts require the investment of a lot of manpower. This isn't completed by members on their own, or can be completed by just any member. To members, Shinhwa activities are very important and something they really look forward to. So, I have always taken into account the opinions of all six members, and after adjustments, produce a conclusion that is satisfying to all members.

Before getting this conclusion, other than the members' opinions, communication with the production team is also very important. It requires the polishing of time and opportunity.

Apart from the problem about contacting me... If we could've had a little bit of communication with the production team beginning last year, if we could've communicated so that they could feel at ease, then Shinhwa and Shinhwa Changjo wouldn't have had to encounter a situation like this... This is a point that I feel a bit regretful about.

We work hard together to be the Shinhwa that will paint a beautiful painting for Shinhwa Changjo.

Thank you, everyone.

Source: danedkim Translation: 6rystalis

Eric’s 3rd post:

Starting from 3pm, I had been asking Dongwannie and constantly checking with Andy for updates, but there was no answer at all about whether he was going to accept or reject my request to be there. Said it was because the production team couldn't contact me, so that's why they couldn't go forward with their work. Then let me tell you about my position. It started around "Sniper" activities? Around 2015-2021, he hasn't been in our group chat for 6 years; and after being blocked, I never got his new phone number. During the time I announced my marriage, because of "whether I let the members know I was getting married", I was being attacked. There was that brother that came out and loudly said, "Eric definitely has his own reasons~ Please understand~" Kept getting cursed or something. From the blank period in the military to album production in the years that followed, schedules and venues were booked one year in advance by me. I wouldn't know how to keep in contact with the production team? In those 6 years, I'm always telling everyone we should hold a meeting. Every time, the schedule is adjusted weeks in advance so that we can have this hard-earned chance to meet up. Even like that, we weren't able to see each other. There are too many times where there was no other way because of deadlines to just hold a meeting with 5 people.

Last year was the same. Again, I told the members that we should meet, everyone should open up some time in your schedule. And then the date was set, but on the day, we were stood up. The kind-hearted members were finally able to meet up after so much, but weren't even able to take a picture for proof before we separated. I was also really tired, so I suggested if it's hard to find time in your schedule, then let's use group chat to to figure things out, it'll be more convenient. I'm also really busy with work. Each time I have to adjust my schedule so we can meet, but if it gets cancelled on the day, I'll also feel really tired. Even so, he still refused to use group chat to discuss things. I'm also human. I thought, "We're in pandemic conditions and I still have dramas to film. If it continues like this, just leave it, stop pretending to be close." And so, at the end of last year, I stopped joining the group chat. But the root of the problem is here. In the 6 years that I have been doing all this, where I was constantly cursed, after I left group chat for a mere 3 months? Under the circumstances where I was absent, you had a meeting in a chat, in the way where you are comforting others and telling them to air out their raincoats? At that point, I couldn't hold it anymore. A few days ago, a Shinchang chat was established in Clubhouse. Like it was an official channel, you talked about things that members have never discussed or confirmed. There was even content that we haven't even heard of before. Yesterday, you said, "It wasn't you. It was because there are a few members who don't want to hold Shinhwa activities that these activities weren't confirmed in the end" ?

I'm not playing that despicable SNS where you can say things without leaving any evidence, talking about things that don't exist or politics where people criticize you. But to be different from being like that despicable SNS. I chose to leave a record of what I'm saying to be criticized. I guess it can be considered me saying what's on my mind. 6 years and 3 months. I'm too angry, so I suggested in the past that for 3 months, everyone should calm down on their own and think about what our things mean to us. If suggesting these 3 months is wrong, then I admit it, I apologize. But, in the post, it brought up the production team. I really want to ask, am I really the one affecting Shinhwa's schedule? Up until now, I've asked another members about this situation, yet I'm still unable to get a solid answer about whether you're accepting my arrival. Instead, you confirmed on Instagram that it's Eric and the production team's miscommunication that things couldn't be confirmed? I'm preparing to take a rest right now. I'm going to treat it as you rejecting to invite me to join you tomorrow. If members discuss things in the future and really want to make our dongsaeng, who's caught in the middle, uncomfortable, then just continue to do so. The person I wanted you to invite was me, so why are you replying to the fans? It would be great if I also had the ability to omit the main point and say words that sound nice to the ears. But, I'm also human. I apologize to everyone for having to listen to such tiring story.

Dongwan’s reply: I had a phone call with Andy around 6pm. I said that the 3 of us should meet and talk together. Perhaps he hasn’t told you yet.  I’m coming to Seoul tomorrow. We’ll talk face to face.

Source: muneric Translation: 6rystalis 

============================================================

Eric also did 2 more posts about the hate posts from Shinhwa DC Gall. We might translate it later if translator has time.

[whatiwillsay]

off topic - let’s talk about gaylena 👀

selena gomez is one of taylor’s oldest and bestest friends and given that she is in the 22 liner notes, a huge part of taylor’s life, and maybe fruity herself it seems like possibly we don’t talk about her here at the blog enough!

i don’t want to do a timeline of selena and taylor’s friendship - you can read more about that here, but they met back in the day when they were both dating jonas brothers and to me this idea of finding a real friendship in the midst of these contrived promances is pretty adorable.

ofc most of y’all think taylor is a fruit basket but i think there’s a good chance that selena is too!  i’m not saying she is for sure but y’all know me.  i’’m here to make a compelling case that everyone and their dog is gay so let’s gooooo! 

Part I - At least one fake rs!  

Selena “dated” Taylor Lautner in 2009 and he’s definitely gay.  Of course, that doesn’t mean she is, it could just be PR, but y’all know I gotta note everything!  We stan our fruity bffs dating the same gays 😍

Part II - Selena x cara delevingne

i feel like there’s a chance they met through taylor but everyone in that squad adjacent circle knows one another.  cara dated michelle rodriguez for the first half of 2014 and then got with annie clark in March 2015 but it feels like it’s possible something has gone on between her and Selena from summer 2014 - early 2015? ...maybe something casual on and off a bit?

August 2014 - Steamy pics surface in Saint-Tropez, France

Selena and and a freshly single Cara vacation together in part to celebrate Selena’s 22nd birthday.

They party together and look cozy!

Pictures such as this surface and spark rumors around the two:

Selena apparently loves the rumors and gushes about being shipped with Cara.

Quote:

You say Selena drag queens were the true measure of success for you. But isn’t it true that you’re not truly famous until you’ve been the subject of a gay rumor? And last year, the tabloids had a field day with photos of you and Cara Delevingne. I’ve made it!

How did you react to those rumors? Honestly, I loved it. I didn’t mind it. Especially because they weren’t talking about other people in my life for once, which was wonderful. Honestly, though, she’s incredible and very open and she just makes me open. She’s so fun and she’s just extremely adventurous, and sometimes I just want that in my life, so I didn’t mind it. I loved it.

Notice she doesn’t deny them?  Now of course she could just be being cool, if she freaked out about it that might be even weirder but hey, it’s still kind of interesting.

Then she admits to questioning her sexuality???

Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Oh, I think everybody does, no matter who they are. I do, yeah, of course. Absolutely. I think it’s healthy to gain a perspective on who you are deep down, question yourself and challenge yourself; it’s important to do that.

(Selena btw, this is cool and all, but not everybody questions their sexuality, maybe you’re just gay 👀)

November 1 - LACMA Art + Film Gala 

they even left the event together 👀

and they hung out earlier that day as well:

They were seen the next day partying for Kendall Jenner’s bday singing to her:

a few weeks later Cara tweets Selena’s lyrics!

In December 2014 they are travelling together in texas:

in january 2015 they get cozy at the golden globes together!

and they leave together again:

January 19th/20th a bunch of gay nonsense happens

They post this gay shit with matching shoes and linked fingers:

then they say this to one another:

Enty says they were hooking up!

then we don’t get any more content that i can find for about six months! perhaps they had a fling from summer 2014-jan 2015 and then it ends, Cara gets with Annie in March?  Then after half a year apart Selena and Cara resume a friendly relationship?  Perhaps!  Selena is seen with Justin a bit off and on during this time but this was in their Style/Heat Death Era imo (tbh i probably shouldn’t give a hetty pairing including Justin that designation 🤢but y’all get what I’m saying - it’s fully possible Selena was hooking up with both of them!

Now I’m not super familiar with Selena’s discography so y’all lmk if I’m missing anything major - lyric wise that point to her not being straight.

Selena’s album Revival that comes out after this relationship has a few songs with some vibes, even though I get the feeling a lot of it is probably about Justin, allow me to reach.  The title track could be translated as someone coming to terms with their sexuality (among other things):

I feel like I've awakened lately The chains around me are finally breaking I've been under self-restoration I've become my own salvation Showing up, no more hiding, hiding The light inside me is bursting, shining It's my, my, my time to butterfly

Good for you, imo, is too sexy to be about a man even if it’s not super queer lyrically it’s a vibe ok?

Me & My Girls might be a bestie anthem a la 22 (oh wait, no 22 was gay too) but I mean...could be about a girl gang of lesbians too!

And if we want it, we take it If we need money, we make it Nobody knows if we fake it You like to watch while we shake it I know we're making you thirsty You want us all in the worst way But you don't understand I don't need a man 

Quinn Fabray indeed!

Nobody feels probably like a retrospective on Justin 🙄but...there is a hint of sapphic craving in there!  Saying this particular lover loves them differently than everyone is a bit 👀 plus this stanza:

No oxygen, can barely breathe My darkest sin, you've raised release And it's all because of you, all because of you And I don't know what it is, but you've pulled me in No one compares, could ever begin To love me like you do And I wouldn't want them to

Is Perfect about some bitch Justin started dating?  Probably but bear with me here this song is actually pretty fucking gay.  Gay enough that I’m gonna add it to one of my gay playlists.  Could this song actually be about Cara moving on to Annie?

Ooh, and I bet she has it all Bet she's beautiful like you, like you And I bet she's got that touch Makes you fall in love, like you, like you

I can taste her lipstick and see her laying across your chest I can feel the distance every time you remember her fingertips Maybe I should be more like her Maybe I should be more like her I can taste her lipstick, it's like I'm kissing her, too And she's perfect And she's perfect

Part III - Selena x Julia Michaels

Julia Michaels is a singer/songwriter known for her song Issues.  I don’t know her sexuality but she at the least has gay vibes!  It seems they met around this time perhaps because Julia wrote on Revival.

They have a friendly enough friendship for a few years, liking one another’s posts on IG from time to time, posing for a photo a time or two and then they seem to get swept up into this very intense friendship in 2019.  They write some music together and Julia goes whole hog in promoting the shoe brand Selena is hawking this time 😭

2019 - The Superior Sapphic Jelena Timeline:

It starts, for some reason with a lot of shoe promotion:

chill, chill

more shoes

but more gayness?

this homo shit

ok...

Then we go into the REALLY GAY NOVEMBER OF 2019:

Then they perform together:

And...actually kiss...on the mouth on stage???

Sure it’s just a peck but still...if that were a guy people would say they were dating.  

Somehow kissing on the mouth isn’t the gayest thing these girls do over this period because these fucking dykes got matching tattoos.  I’ve read enough Larry blogs to know this actually means they’re secretly married.  All jokes aside this is fruity behavior. 

From their IG stories:

Selena gets Julia a very nice christmas gift:

Covid sets in and content drops off but god damn!  It’s possible they just had an intense friendship but if a man and a woman collabed on music together, kissed in public, and got matching tattoos everyone would say they were dating!

Selena, as far as I can find, didn’t have any public boyfriends around this time so who are some of these love songs about?

Rare comes out in January 2020 and perhaps has some gayish songs?

Don’t tell me why but boyfriend lowkey, has a gay vibe.  Don’t ask me to explain it but it’s just the musicality of it.

Crowded Room could be a love song for Julia?  (or by Julia for Selena, since they’re collaborators?)

Baby, it's just me and you Baby, it's just me and you Just us two Even in a crowded room Baby, it's just me and you, yeah

These are general gay vibes, our secret moments in a crowded room tease

It started polite, out on thin ice 'Til you came over to break it I threw you a line and you were mine

It would have started out polite between them, since they worked together for years before whatever 2019 was happened.  And throwing someone a line first of all makes Selena sound like the aggressor but also “throwing someone a line” could be a reference to writing songs together.

Yeah, I was afraid, but you made it safe I guess that is our combination Said you feel lost, well, so do I So won't you call me in the morning? I think that you should call me in the morning If you feel the same, 'cause

Lots of people are afraid at the beginning of a gay rs.  Treacherous tease 👀

In summation!

Selena does gay stuff like fantasizing ab kissing other women in her music, getting very touchy with famous dykes on vacay, hangs out with Taylor Swift, has chronic mental health issues, dated a jonas brother and a twilight gay, has admitted to questioning her sexuality, and loves being shipped with women.  Is she gay?  I don’t know!   But all she’s missing from her celesbian bingo card is a suspiciously intense friendship with a Glee Cast member! What do you guys think?  Selena fruity or just weird?

Edit to add: so apparently I missed an entire ship and Selena supposedly acted really gay all the time with her backup dancer Charity Baroni.  Exposing SMG has posted a lot about all that.

Also Selena has been cast in a gay role! edit to add: @bisluthq went and found this for me - julia is indeed a fruit queen

[jennagill]

Take a Shot at Love

Summary: Katniss is new in town and Peeta is her range guide. Now rated M. 

Part 3 is written for @promptsinpanem in the 15 Days to Finish Your Fic (For Kika) Round. Parts 1 and 2 on AO3 here. They’re short if you missed them in ... checks notes... 2015 and 2018.

Yes. I told him yes. His face brightened into a warm smile at my acceptance. We agreed to meet at the Club but that doesn't stop the butterflies in my stomach while I get ready in my apartment. 

Right now I'm struggling with what to wear. Practical over anything else. Closed toe shoes, high neck top, practical above anything else. I don’t want a rogue shell casing burning me. Besides, it's only a Sunday afternoon, right?

So it feels like a date, but I—and anything else in my head is blinded by the flash of someone’s daytime running lights outside my apartment. It’s just someone turning around but my eyes cut to the clock and I need to leave now. Long-sleeve turtleneck and vest with jeans it is, as I slide into my boots and head out the door. The drive over to the Capitol Hunting Club is mercifully short, compared to the growing list of questions in my head. I park and grab my bow and quiver with standard arrows before rushing inside. 

The main showroom is packed. Who knew so many people wanted to attend this event? How am I ever going to find Peeta in here? My mind buzzes as I scan for his face when a gentle nudge from behind stops me in my tracks. 

“Hey, found you,” he greets me with another one of those disarming smiles. 

He’s definitely cleaned up well. Gone is the safety hue and in its place, a fetching shade that matches his eyes. 

“Hey, uh yeah. This place is crazy busy. How'd you manage the day off from work?” I ask as my eyes roam the facility and catch a few familiar faces. “Looks like they have the whole staff on point here tonight.”

“I traded a coworker for a few Saturdays. It was quite the negotiation,” he pauses for a long moment, as if he is deciding something. “Ultimately though, I told him that I had a really special date,” he says as heat blooms across his cheeks. 

“So this is a date, then?” I say with caution. “I wasn't sure, so I'm glad we have that clarified.” It almost sounds like a contract, rather than romance.

“It's a date if you allow it,” he stammers as his cheeks reach beet red before settling back into his normal skin tone.

I consider this, weighing my heart, body, and head on the matter. I can only imagine the confusion my face must show until I meet his eyes and the fog begins to lift. “I'll allow it, though...having a first date on Valentine's Day? What kind of omen is that?”

“Truth be told, Katniss, I've been wanting to ask you out for months but never worked up the courage until now,” he says quietly. “I’m not placing any special emphasis on the day, I’m just happy to be here, with you.”

Well that’s hard to argue. “Okay, well where do you want to start?” I try with a smile.

“Shoot first?”

“Pardon?”

“The pistol range, then the archery range, and then the meal?” 

“Oh, I don’t… really know that much about pistols, my only experience with guns is the shooting we did the other weekend.”

“Oh I have a feeling you’ll be dead on with your aim and we can rent from the club too since I don’t own a pistol. I’ll run you through a safety briefing too.”

I keep considering his motives and his actions, if they are aligned or if I’m missing something as we move to the first station. It’s not much more than a series of door frames with walls in between, just enough for two people to stand closely with a shelf at waist height to place the weapons. I watch Peeta take aim at the ringed hearts on paper hung seven yards away. Blue, purple, and pink. Pop, pop, pop, goes my nerves and heart. The sound is too much on this indoor range with the pistols, even with the noise canceling headphones Peeta lent me. 

“Your turn,” he gestures and shows me that the pistol is on safety and pointed down range on the shelf. He changes the target out for good measure too. 

I take the pistol in my hands, forming the teacup he mentioned and squinting at the target. The cool steel chills me—I’m more accustomed to the warm bow wood. I flip the safety off and squeeze the trigger, taking a breath between shots. A crackle of electricity runs through my shoulders and spine as I finish my clip but it’s not the same thrill found in the woods. I take another glance at the target. All of the paper hearts are shredded.

“Is there anything you can’t do?” Peeta asks in amazement.

“Thanks, though I think I’ll stick with my bow or trap and skeet,” I say, flipping the safety back on, placing the weapon down, and backing away from the shelf. 

Peeta sends another series of shots down range but I’m done shooting pistols for the day. My fingers are itching to get back on a bow. I go over to the archery station for some sanity while Peeta returns the equipment to the rental booth.

Red balloons are attached to the various targets on the archery range with prizes inside. Peeta takes aim with precision and hits nearly all of them. The slips float down to the floor to be retrieved by attendants. “Bullseye! Have you been taking lessons?” I ask casually. 

“No. I just replayed what you told me in my head, and well—I wanted to impress you.” A lopsided grin sneaks across his face and he shuffles his feet.

His honesty takes me aback. He says everything in such an offhand way and I am foolish to have suspected ulterior motives. “Well...it shows, you’ve improved a lot since the other day.” 

He beams at the praise and then it’s my turn to shoot. The attendant notices that the standing balloon targets offer no challenge for me, so he releases balloons from a ceiling net I had not seen earlier. At first it seems stupid, but it turns out to be kind of fun. Much more like hunting a moving creature, albeit a slow-moving one. Since I’m hitting everything he releases, he starts increasing the number of balloons in the drop. I forget the rest of the range and this date and lose myself in the shooting. When I manage to take down all five balloons in one round, I realize it’s so quiet I can hear each prize slip hit the floor. I turn and see the majority of the people of the range have stopped to watch me. Their faces show everything from jealous to admiration, though Peeta’s face is the brightest of them all.

The attendant calls for cease fire and I retrieve my arrows and prize slips—gift cards for the Club store and café, mostly. We venture toward the cake and coffee bar set out for this event. I wrinkle my nose at the coffee but notice that they offer hot chocolate too. “Oooh, that cake looks amazing!” 

“You should have a slice, I have it on good authority that it's delicious,” he says.

He's met with a raised eyebrow.

“It's from my parent’s bakery,” he shrugs with another disarming smile. “Red velvet cake, cream cheese icing, and dark chocolate shavings on top.”

And he’s not wrong. The dark flavors burst in my mouth, sending ripple effects down my spine. The cake and hot chocolate together give me a nervous energy, propelling me toward the next steps of this date. I feel like I could run 26.2 miles now, okay maybe just a half marathon. We both finish our desserts though I have something sweeter in mind. 

“Will you walk me out to my car, Peeta?” 

Like a gentleman, he does and he waits patiently while I put up my equipment in the trunk. 

“Katniss, may I kiss you goodnight—”

He doesn’t get a chance to finish because it’s me that leans in, answering his question with my own response. His lips are surprised but warm up instantly to me. His kisses are warm. His kisses leave me dizzy with want. Amazing kisses. Toe-curling kisses. I feel a swipe of his hot tongue in my mouth and I know that I need more.

He must feel the same way since he’s pulling me closer to him and kissing my jaw and neck, or what he can reach around my sweater. His body is so firm wrapped up with mine, something I’d like to explore more in private.

“Maybe it doesn’t have to be goodnight,” I say to the sinking sun and feel him pause at the shell of my ear, “maybe we can—“ deep breath “maybe we could go back to my place?” 

Peeta clears his throat and meets my eyes, “Really?” His eyes cut to the parking lot, realizing that we’re still in a very public place.

“Um, yeah, I don’t live far from here and you could follow me there, if you—if you want to, that is,” I manage, though my confidence is slipping.

“Heck yeah, lead the way!” he says and grins. 

“Okay, right, well let’s go,” I say before I change my mind.

If I thought the drive over to the Club was short earlier, this one flew by, my mind racing at the scenario I’ve just proposed. We’ve made it back to my place before I can second guess myself any further. 

He parks next to me and follows me to the door, “This is a great location,” he chatters as I unlock it, “I mean, it’s a nice place too,” and then he’s scratching the back of his neck, looking around my sparse apartment.

“Well… as you know, I haven’t been in town very long and it seems like I spend most of my free time out at the Club, trying to compete for your attention with others,” I shrug. 

“Compete?“ he laughs and hides his face in his large hand for a moment. “You don’t have any competition anywhere, Katniss,” and this time, it’s him that leans in. 

Our lips have barely touched when I ask, “Couch or bed?”

He pulls back to look at me and curls that lip of his under a set of very white teeth. “Honestly, Katniss, whatever happens, you’re calling the shots.” 

“Right then, bed it is,” and I pull him into my bedroom.

We spend the next few hours teasing, tasting, and exploring as much of each other as possible since Peeta only has one condom with him. He makes it last though and thoroughly fucks me. My favorite part is probably his ass. I remember checking it out on that very first day, and it’s certainly ample to cup while trying to coax him deeper into my throat or dig my heels into it as I spur him to the orgasms that finally give our bodies peace. My mind wanders just before we drift off to sleep, I just hope he doesn’t have an early shift tomorrow.

~~~~~~

Thank you @papofglencoe for the encouragement and quick beta skills on this third part! It was fun to come out of semi-retirement!