#3 and 6 am consistently despite being exhausted | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

keilemlucent · 4 years

Text

lavender latte: iv

(T (for now!))

hawks | takami keigo x reader

ao3

chapter 1 || chapter 2 || chapter 3 || chapter 5 ||

word count: 7.7k

sucks when things go south, huh.

warnings: description of bodily injury, blood, mild? gore (it’s just describing injury), description of overstimulation, capital h and c hurt/comfort

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chapter 4 :’^) thank u for all of the love so far. i appreciate. every. single. one of. u. bottom of my lil rat heart.

this chapter was nearly split, but giving y’all a cliffhanger seemed mean

this the turning point and set up for the rest of the story so buckle up and enjoy ;^)

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Things between you and Hawks didn’t change too much, not externally anyways. Both of you still continued to indulge your feelings, even if you desperately tried to ignore them.

You continued to honestly spoil Hawks in lavish drinks of many sensations. Truthfully, you loved nothing more than seeing his face as he sipped at your new creations, watching the curiosity and pleasure spread over his features made your heart soar in your chest.

And Keigo continued to bask in your company. The drinks were always amazing, but the chatter and discourse between the two of you was what he loved most. Or, maybe it was his learning of you through watching your small gestures and cues. His analytical, interpersonal skills were, for once, being put to a use that didn’t involve espionage or deception.

It felt cleansing.

Despite these quietly greedy interactions, there was a great deal of repression between the two of you. Aimless flirting aside, squishing any growing feelings caused you both a great deal of strain. It worked, avoidance, for a while anyway. It wasn’t without consequences, but they wouldn’t get nasty until later.

One of the most apparent tolls was Keigo’s physical state. Having to actively ignore and quash his feelings for you caused such a deep amount of emotional turmoil. It made him ache all over. This was in addition to an asinine amount of extra hours he was spending staking out the villain syndicate that was indeed in the neighborhood of the tea shop.

(He wouldn’t admit it, but he was being overly diligent in scouting out the organization's doings. They were very close to you and your home, and the thought of you getting caught up in anything to do with his profession fucked him up on-premise alone.)

The combination of both physical and mental exertion made him messier than ever. It physically clouded him a lot of the time. Exhaustion had well and truly seized nipping at his ankles and proceeded to fully rip a chunk from his skull.

Keigo had yet another long day, dawn until at least midnight, no matter his aching body.

He’d be listening in on out some sort of meeting between the villain syndicate and one of its allies, some more reclusive group of villains from the far-off mountains. Neither organization was particularly noteworthy, but they did have some nasty criminal connection that needed to be monitored. That meant a late night for Keigo and an even greater need for caffeine.

He paid you a visit in the early morning.

The moment Hawks came through the door, you lit up, beaming from behind the counter.

The shop was empty, just having opened a few minutes before he appeared. The only sounds were the hum coffee machines, quiet music, and the tapping of your own tinkerings. Normally, there’d be more bustle, but you were alone in the din of the shop.

“Hey, angel,” He flashed you a winning smile, sliding down into his usual stool and propping his elbows on the counter. “Where’s the calvary?”

“Oh, the other openers?” You jerked your thumb to the door. “Running late. They all stayed up late working on a project for school, so I took one for the team and am manning the ship alone for this first bit.”

You sighed, looking quite tired yourself.

There was mutual recognition of your twin state, though it wasn’t verbally regarded in any way.

Hawks was far better at hiding his poor health from you, but that didn’t stop you from seeing the pinholes in his facade. You’d gotten better at it with time.

“What can I get you today, Hawks? Inspire me.” You set the glass on the counter between the two of you, gesturing to the expanse of the coffeeshop. “It’s just you and me today, so I can go all out.”

“You don’t already?” Hawks chuckled, running a hand through his hair with a sigh.

“I try,” You shrugged. “I really do my best work for you, whether you’re a glorified guinea pig or not. Gotta serve up the best for my best customer.”

On any normal, Hawks would’ve bantered right back at you, keeping you on your toes with quick words and wit.

That day?

He just laughed, something weirdly neutral, almost off-putting because you knew it was manufactured.

You opened your mouth, brows furrowing. You wanted nothing more than to ask ‘hey, are you alright?’.

But, that would’ve broken some of your own, mentally-imposed boundaries. It hurt, to just laugh with him, but it was all you would let yourself do.

“So,” You broke the air with words as opposed to giggles. “What would you like?”

Hawks hummed, “Surprise me.”

“... Like, fully?”

Hawks nodded, slowly.

Keigo, in a movement of full vulnerability, (he told himself it would just be for a few minutes), laid his head on his folded arms, “Go wild, angel. I trust you. Make me anything you’re feeling. Wing it, no pun intended.”

You blinked at him, nodding. His sudden, almost submissive action surprised you. Something in you ached, seeing him so worn down.

You channeled this feeling into a desire to make him top-tier drink.

Reaching into your apron, you fished out your idea notebook. Many had been crossed off over the many weeks (months now?) that Hawks had been visiting the tea shop. You fairly consistently wrote down new ones, so there were always options, but on that day, none appealed to you.

Your gaze flickered back to Hawks, watching the soft movements of his breath through the tight fabric of the back of his shirt.

You needed to make it extra good, help shake Hawks from his stupor.

You’re gonna wing it.

You’ll make a feel-good drink.

It was your only self-imposed criteria.

You hadn’t ever made Hawks a drink without a concept and feeling beforehand, so the concept of not having one seemed novel.

You activated your quirk and began.

“How’s your day been?” Hawks called from behind you, words muffled.

Keigo still didn’t look at you; resting on his arms allowed him a little bit of a reprieve before his grueling day. He’d take it. Hearing your voice would make it that much better.

You described your day with a decent amount of detail for how much it hadn’t gotten started yet. Hamming up the detail meant more time for you to craft the drink. Your mind spun, grasping onto pre-existing, mental abstracts in your oddly calm headspace to create something tangible.

Though your quirk was activated, you weren’t really identifying a feeling specifically, rather just letting your quirk draw from whatever material you had laying around in your brainscape at 6 AM on a weekday morning.

You pulled as many espresso shots as Hawks usually liked (maximum, five, you refused to give him more than that in a single drink), pouring them into some steamed oatmilk and several other ingredients you had mixed into a cup. You tapped some cinnamon on top of the foam, polishing everything off with a dash of sweet cream.

Carefully, you set it between the two of you. Hawks hadn’t spoken since you had begun to make the drink, so oddly silent.

It almost made your skin itch, his lack of response. You reminded yourself with quick glances that Hawks was very obviously out of it and exhausted. You were sure that without the concealer he wore under his eyes (a secret he revealed to only you), he’d have purple circles punched from how overworked he was.

You hoped your drink would be enough to brighten up his day.

You bit your lip as Hawks raised his head, blonde waves more unruly than normal. A small, lopsided smile stretched across his face as he sat up, grabbing the drink and bringing it closer. He had learned long ago to allow them to cool.

“Sorry for not being as peppy as I normally am!” It was almost imperceptible, the off-kilter tone in his voice.

You caught it but said nothing.

He sheepishly rubbed at the back of his head. “Been running on empty it seems, angel.”

“Then take some fuel, bird boy.” You nodded to the foamy drink. “When are you supposed to be done today?”

“Late, like late. Early morning, probably.” Hawks sighed, taking a sip.

...

As the liquid coated his mouth, Keigo’s mind seized.

What.

What the fuck.

Any and all thoughts he had disappeared. They were incinerated from his mind by the drink’s heat.

A sun-scorching sensation like he’d never even known tore through his body.

It was so different from the other ‘warm’-toned drinks you’d made him in the past. The flavor and feeling filling him up was nothing like the hearth-like drinks you had made prior. You had treated him to plenty of beverages that felt akin to open flame, warm blankets, a cat purring over your chest, a candle on a cold night—

But, nothing even close to this.

This was such a strong feeling that if he was a less trained man, his eyes would’ve rolled back in his head. If he’d been standing, he was sure his legs would’ve been visibly shaking, probably given out.

Sure, the feeling was abstract, not as concrete as your other drinks but it was ineffably strong.

It felt like the flutter you caused in his stomach, but somehow all over and inside of him.

It was the heat in his cheeks when he saw you, but reaching from his toes to the skin of his scalp.

It was the shock in his throat when you smiled so honestly at him, now forcing his hands to twitch around the cup.

The consuming sensation was all of that goodness and more, magnified and exponentially deeper and marvelously burning.

It was hot, fiery as it ripped through him, completely unignorable. But, it was also soft, colored with the earnestness that he admired about you so much—

Oh.

It clicked as the sensation stirred in his stomach, fluttering to a point of near nausea.

It was you.

The moment he realized it, that all of that sensation was you feeling, as you had made the drink, something began to broil in the apex of his chest, rolling and all-consuming.

His mind stalled as he took it all in, taking another sip.

The feeling washed over him again, equally as wonderfully crushing.

“Soooo,” You drawled, setting a jar next to you on the counter, beaming him a smile. “What do you think? Gimme your judgment, bird boy.”

Keigo struggled to keep his face neutral as he quickly searched yours.

Even in his state, it was clear that there was no deception or riddle laced into the creaminess of the drink. The expectancy in your face was derived from admiration, not waiting for the punchline of an unfinished joke.

“It’s warm! Like, in your stomach.” Hawks looked down before taking another sip, the even smile on his face not wavering for even a moment. “What is it?”

“It’s a miel,” You tapped the jar next to you, pointing at the amber goo inside. “This is some wildflower honey from the owner’s sister’s farm, right outside the city. We have a bunch of extra stuff, so there’s no better time to make a honey-based drink.”

Hawks eyed the steam, “What goes into a ‘miel’?”

Watching Hawks’ shoulder go slack with the next chug he took, you hummed, “It’s a latte, so espresso and milk, then it has the honey in it which is what makes it a ‘miel’. Topped it with some special sweet cream, a bit of cinnamon. My extra touches in it as well, just based on my quirk.”

Hawks met your gaze, his eyes softening with what you could’ve sworn was desperation, but was quickly swallowed up but stoicism, “And what was this drink’s inspiration?”

You laughed, shoving your hands in your apron from the typical anxiety, though the feeling itself was somewhat normal and thereby dulled, “It didn’t have one! I just winged it, like you said. My quirk was activated though, so it was just sort of the concept of what I was perceiving and feeling, I suppose.”

There was a pause as you waited for Hawks to speak.

He didn’t.

Keigo stared down at the drink, then you.

Holy fuck.

This was ambient?

The sensation that made his toes curl and every part of him yearn to reach out to touch you and give all of himself to you—

It was unintentional?

The feeling was familiar, one that he had organically all the time when thinking of you, being with you at the teashop. It was the one that he shoved down over and over again around you, yet craved more than anything.

And here you were, unknowingly returning it to him.

You hadn’t intended it to be shared and you had no idea you even did.

Keigo was one of the most perceptive people on the planet— he knew that many of the feelings between the two of you were mutual. As much flirting as there was, a lot of it was real from both of you.

He just didn't think it ran this far deep.

(Mutually.)

“What... What do you think it tastes like?” You asked, that nasty rot in your gut rearing itself as Hawk’s lack of response ate at you. You turned fully to him, actually taking him in.

Keigo did what he was so skilled at doing—

Lying.

Hawks waved his hands in front of him like he was trying to put out small flames, “Nothing bad! Promise, it’s really good! It tastes like how the coffee shop feels. Warm, comfortable. It makes sense that your quirk would reflect that.”

You breathed a sigh of relief, “Oh, good. I’m glad it's good.”

“Very good. I might have to put miels on my list of favorite drinks you’ve made me,” Hawks gave you a relaxed grin, standing and passing a wad of cash to you.

You didn’t expect him to be leaving so quickly, but he did say he was busy.

“Oh, hey, Hawks?” He perked up when you said his name, blinking at you. “I’ve got a project I’m working that I’m doing for the owner, so I’ll be here late. If you’re around, you’re welcome to come by after close if you want another drink? For your long night.”

Hawks softened for you like he so often had come to do. He fluffed up the collar of his jacket, wings ruffling up behind him, “I think I’ll take you up on that. I’ll have some ideas for you then too, how about that?”

“Sounds lovely,” Your voice was like the honey of the drink, warm, sweet, and vibrant. “I’ll see you then, Hawks.”

“See you then, angel,” Hawks practically glowed as he walked from the door, the chime of the bell sounding with his exit. “I’ll text you when I’m close!”

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Over the course of the day, an odd feeling grew in the pitch of your stomach. You did your best to ignore it.

You alternated between serving customers and working on the ‘project’ the owner had saddled you with. Making centerpieces for his sister’s bridal shower was not something you should’ve been doing on company time, but they were giving you a handsome sum of cash under the table for it.

You couldn’t complain too much, other than that it was laborious. Masons jars stuffed with wired lights and frosted glasses, tied with twine and ribbons were all to be prettily arranged by your hand.

During the middle of the day, you went back home, spending your time between shifts catching up on sleep and making some decent food.

The odd gnawing only grew in your stomach.

Keigo’s long day was wearing on, though somewhat uneventfully. Most of his patrolling time was the effortless thwarting of petty crime and easy rescuing.

He even had the time to go back to his agency and snoop.

Because, for how lame his day was, the drink you made him (which he had greedily chugged all of shortly upon leaving the tea shop) caused him to think particularly hard about your quirk.

(As opposed to the asphyxiating awareness of your shared feelings.)

He didn’t get it.

You’d managed to perfectly create a drink that communicated complex feelings. You’d told him in the past that it could be used for any sort of feeling as well, but you were so vague beyond that. You were abstract in the same way you quirk was.

So, he decided to abuse his power a little.

He decided to actually take a lunch at the agency, munching on takeout while clicking through the HPSC’s databases.

Civilian quirks, especially those that had never attempted to pursue any sort of career with them, weren’t documented incredibly well. Maybe a few details that were used in public research projects, but not much beyond that. He had hoped he could dig and find something that would assuage his curiosity and confusion.

He tapped your name into the HPSC’s hero-accessible database, scrolling and pulling up your file.

There was a picture of you, one from an ID that must’ve been a few years old. There were personal details Keigo wasn’t all that interested in, though it was neat to finally know your birthday.

He clicked on the tab for your quirk.

Quirk: Synesthetic Manifestation

Description: Allows the user to materially manifest abstract, synesthetically-created feelings into reality.

This quirk does not allow the user to alter reality, only tangibly create abstracts through the means at their disposal.

Drawback: This quirk causes severe synesthetic overstimulation and appears to be activated unintentionally in instances that expose them to high amounts of stimuli.

Quirk potential:

Keigo knew the concept of ‘quirk potential’ well. Most of the time, this portion on files was only filled out if the individual had ever trained to use their quirk in a profession.

Oddly, your’s contained a few details.

The user showed high potential in initial assessments, but due to the nature of the quirk, its drawbacks, and its recorded usage, this user’s quirk is now classified as lowest potential.

Keigo frowned.

All this just made him more confused.

The file didn’t get into much more detail than you did. The only thing that was new information to him was that at some point you had tried to use your quirk in a training setting and that somehow got you demoted from high potential to lowest potential.

Keigo’s own quirk in the database was regarded as highest potential; you, at some point, were only a step down from him. Something knocked you down from pursuing quirk-based work, and based on your current employment at the tea shop, you never got up. Keigo figured it was the intricacies of your quirk that he didn’t fully understand.

He’d have to be a bit more careful getting any more information out of you, considering how much you disliked talking about it.

Keigo continued to stew, finishing off his lunch while thoughts of you and your feelings danced across his mind.

Though it was clear his adoration was obviously returned, it was much easier for him to muse over the nature of your quirk than the way he wanted to pull you over the teashop’s counter and kiss you breathless.

You went back to work, a few chalky tablets of stomachache medicine in your tummy. They were all you could do to try and quell the twisting in your gut.

By the time you arrived back to start your ‘night shift’, it was late evening, the sun already having fallen into the horizon.

Most of your time prior to closing was spent in the front, helping make drinks and clean up as you could. Part of you was actually excited to throw on some good music and grind after the tea shop was shut down for the night.

Also, seeing Hawks twice in the same day? Absolutely fantastic.

You wanted to try and make him a knockout drink, to make up for the lackluster one you’d prepared him earlier. Seeing his eyes get all gooey with happiness would more than push you through your night of work.

Your phone chimed a bit before close.

[birdboy]: hey ;^) mind if I come by in like a half an hour?

[you]: yeah!! just call me and i’ll unlock the door for you

Your closing coworkers giggled at you. They all knew that that big smile stretched across your face meant you were texting Hawks. You used to get a bit shy about it, but now you just gave them shit. He was your friend, right?

[birdboy]: what if i like, hit the glass, like fly into it like birds do into windows

[you]: okay one- no, that would definitely shatter the windows and idk if i wanna deal with that AND you tonight ;^)

[you]: and TWO- are you speaking. from experience. about hitting windows.

[birdboy]: please dont @ me like this

You snorted.

[birdboy]: i had to pay off a tabloid who got it on camera bc it would ruin my brand

[you]: do u still have those photos

[birdboy]: ... maybe

[you]: hawks

[you]: gimme

[birdboy]: idk if i can my publicist will kill me

[you]: u hear what i hear?? a coward

[you]: how does ‘your brand’ feel about that

[birdboy]: ...

[birdboy]: gimme one of those honey sticks u have at the register and the pics are yours once i get there ;^)))

[you]: DEAL!!!

You pocketed your phone in your apron, unable to stop the almost ridiculous smile that you wore.

Hawks made you uncomfortably happy. You knew that he didn’t feel the same, but he was still there. Even if you were just entertainment to him, you were happy to perform on any stage he was watching.

As closing crept up, you shooed your other coworkers off. Most of the closing tasks were done, they could leave a few minutes early.

As they began to pack up, chatting about some party that night, your insides twisted.

You squeezed the counter, rubbing your forehead while wishing your coworkers a good evening.

Weird.

It was about then that things went to shit for both you and Hawks.

Keigo’s was supposed to be in for a hellishly long shift of surveillance based on the intel he’d received about the syndicate and its impending meeting.

Apparently, that meeting was happening earlier, rather than later.

The chaos started quickly, the meetup going from a strategic talk to an all-out fight between two groups.

It spilled into the nearby streets, both sides unabashed in their destruction.

Perhaps, if Keigo had been faster (what a tall order, for the fastest man in all of Japan), things wouldn't have gotten so out of hand.

But quickly, things erupted and the streets dissolved in mayhem as he dove and sent feathers flying.

You stood by the front entrance, waiting for Hawks, idly sweeping. The cleaning tasks were almost done, the world outside was dark with the late evening.

You froze when the ground beneath your feet rumbled with revving engines, the air splitting with the sound of car horns and alarms.

Everything that happened next moved so quickly, it was difficult to follow.

Windows began to shatter all across the street, near and far.

They cracked, spraying glass as a figure cloaked in black flew down the asphalt outside. A red barrage followed after it, nearly subduing it as it raced past the tea shop.

The massive glass panels at the front of the tea shop filled with frosty lines, just feet in front of you.

It clicked for you a few moments too late.

Adrenaline shot through you, but it wasn’t enough.

...

You weren’t Hawks, you weren’t fast enough to outrun much of anything, let alone quirk-shattered glass.

You were just barely able to turn around before the spray of shards reached you.

You would later be incredibly thankful that you wore denim jeans and a wool sweater that day. Without the thick fabrics, you were sure that you would’ve been shredded. The problem was your low-top shoes and thin socks.

Just as you turned, searing pain shot from the back of your left ankle. You urged yourself to forget the specifics, flesh-tearing, mind beginning to buzz.

You just had to keep moving.

Except, you couldn’t. Your left leg gave out with your next step.

You shrieked as you fell to the floor, barely catching yourself. Your palms smacked against the ground, pieces of sharpened glass driving into the flesh.

You couldn’t help screaming, your voice mingling with the sound of alarms, cries for help, and the war cries of a nearby fight.

Oh.

You were in the middle of a fairly nasty villain attack.

...

So much for giving Hawks a better drink.

The mental joke seemed macabre, especially in your state.

You willed with all of your might, for your quirk to not activate. Overstimulation was just inches away from your current state, the sounds outside the teashop boring through your skull like diamond drill bits.

The pain that was radiating from your left leg was nearly unbearable, but you knew that getting out of the front room was imperative.

How you managed to keep your injured leg straight, you’ll never know.

You locked your jaw and pulled yourself along the floor, hoping that Hawks had this all under control. More people were bound to be hurt by the same sort of attack you got caught in, right? How many more folks had been sliced up like you? Worse than you?

Keigo wasn’t having much trouble subduing the villains. They, of course, had no idea that he had been watching the syndicate for three-odd months. He knew their quirks, their tactics, their escape routes, everything. What he didn’t know as well was the other group’s specifics.

From what he had understood before the fight, the two had somewhat friendly relations. Still, Keigo mentally kicked himself for not being more diligent in his gathering of intel.

His mistakes aside, the much more pressing issue was the two-kilometer stretch of shops that were now collateral damage in what was essentially a mobile mob war.

This damage included the tea shop.

When he’d flown past the shop, he’d only caught a glimpse of your face through the glass before it shattered.

You’d looked terrified.

Every part of him wanted to stop, dead in the air, rush in, and make sure you were okay, but he had to at least get things under control until more heroes showed up. Then, he’d be able to get to you.

By the time Keigo subdued several villains of either group, more Pros had arrived on the scene. He sped off to the teashop far too quickly when he saw others gathering. It was an ill-advised move, but he was clouded by a different set of instincts than those cultivated in his hero training.

The flight did allow him to fully take in the damage of the district, though.

It was about as bad as it could be.

Whatever the villain’s quirk was must’ve shattered glass within a certain radius from his body, Keigo observed.

Thankfully, the villain’s quirk didn’t appear to affect anything past two stories of height, sparing all above it. Those panes and pieces that did shatter had sprayed businesses, restaurants, shops, and the street with shards of glass. Not to mention that they flew at the speed of projectiles.

(At the full-minded revelation that there was no way you weren’t hurt, Keigo felt his stomach flip and eyes burn.)

Keigo shuddered to think how bad the damage would’ve been if the encounter happened during broad daylight.

Keigo curled in his wings, dropping onto the floor at the front of the teashop through the broken window.

He kept his expression somewhat neutral, though the scene before him tore at his heart in a way he wasn’t expecting.

The tea shop was destroyed.

The pretty, warm lighting fixtures had shattered, fine filaments exposed, and a few sparking. The glass jars on your wall of tea blends were broken, spilling leaves and dried herbs across the back counter. That wasn’t even to mention the layer of shards from all of the glassware stored around the coffee machines.

Seeing the destruction of one of the only places he had ever found real comfort in was awful, and it tore something hidden and vulnerable in his heart.

But far, far worse was the absolute horror that bloomed in his chest when he saw the sizeable spot of blood in the middle of the floor, smearing to the back doorway.

“(Y/N)!” Keigo shouted, ignoring any stealthy elements and hurriedly following the trail.

“B-back here,” Oh, your voice was so weak.

Keigo couldn’t make himself move fast enough.

You’d managed to get yourself to the back, biting your lip so hard you were scared you’d break the skin. Part of you was lucid enough to know that making too much noise could be bad. Then again, the shop was supposed to be closed. Did anyone even know that you were there?

Hawks did.

You gripped at one of the edges of the stainless steel countertops, using all the strength you could muster to pull yourself upright. As careful as you were not to jostle your injured leg (that you still hadn’t looked at properly because you were terrified), the moment you bent it, you had to suppress a scream, turning it into a slow, nasty exhale. You let yourself sink to the floor again.

Something was seriously fucked up.

Then Hawks called your name.

You were sprawled out on the floor, injured leg awkwardly turned and extended to prevent the pain from being made worse.

The moment he saw you from the doorway, the remnants of his wings flapped, practically throwing him to the ground next to you.

The moment you saw him enter the back room, any and all fronts you had put on for yourself fell apart.

“H-Hawks,” You hated how small your voice sounded as you pushed yourself closer to him.

The details of him, how ruffled his remaining feathers were, how wide and scared his eyes were, how different he looked from the times you’d seen him on the news confidently saving the day, were lost on you.

Though, Keigo noticed your poor state easily. It was more obvious.

He scanned your form with the trained precision he was known for. He took in the shattered piece of glass sticking from your leg, bleeding lightly. Your palms weren’t bloody, but they were dotted with shards of glass.

He also noticed your panicked shaking and your unnaturally dilated pupils, beyond anything he’d seen while you’d made drinks for him.

“Is your quirk active?” Keigo asked, pulling off his gloves and grabbing one of your wrists. He turned your palm, using two of his smallest feathers like tweezers to pick at the shards pieces of glass.

“Y-yeah,” You replied, using the back of your other hand to wipe at your eyes. “It does this when I’m under extreme stress. I can’t turn it off.”

Keigo managed to laugh, relieved that the cuts in your hands weren’t that severe, “You just focus on me, okay, angel? That’s all you gotta do.”

You nod, trying to hold your overstimulated mind back. It’s fruitless, truly, because the moment Hawks reminds you that he is, in fact, there, and that you are safe, you quirk-addled mind spasms.

The awful mix of sensations whirled in your skull as you leaned forward, pressing your forehead into Hawks’ shoulder. In other circumstances, it would be a romantic gesture. But, the only purpose you had in the contact was hoping, praying, that the heat of his body would distract you from the swirling of sensations you couldn’t stop.

In that mental soup, within the fear, intense pain, and loss, oddly enough, was the unignorable, pleasant feeling of being so close to him. It made your heart squeeze. But, it was a single spice of sensation in a foul-tasting stew though, and it was hard to isolate the good in the muck of your mind.

You shook against him as sounds and pain blended inside your skull, thoughts becoming murkier and harder to understand.

Keigo finished tweezing your other hand, that one worse off, and wrapping it in some gauze he had stuffed in his jacket.

His mind screamed for him to wrap you in his arms, to pull you close and keep you safe. It was all he could fathom doing, just nearly moving to do so—

That was until the popping rumble of a nearby explosion interrupted his thoughts.

You jumped against him, muffling a scream in his shoulder.

His heart ached.

“(Y/N), I know this is all scary,” Hawks’s voice came through your sensational slurry. “But, I need to be back out there right now.”

“No.” Your mouth spewed with no discernable thoughts behind it. “Don’t leave. Please, don’t. Please.”

You caught Hawks’ wince, but barely.

He was already repositioning you, scooting you under one of the countertops, “Angel, I’m sorry. I need to go, but I’ll be back. I promise.”

Your eyes screwed shut, vibrating in your skull as pulling your uninjured leg to your chest.

Hawks looked equally as torn up about having to leave, brows creased with his lip worried between his teeth.

Despite how messy your brain felt, you knew that you were beyond defenseless. Even if your mind could easily conjure up an infinite number of ways to bring a person non-lethal (and lethal) pain, you were turning to mush mentally and you had glass sticking out of your leg. You had no fucking way to create it with your body.

Your back hit the wall under the counter and you managed to wrench your eyes open, taking in Hawks and his visage while you spun.

He looked so sad.

The feeling of mourning and fear spat so hotly in your mind, it was like you’d been intangibly burned by his expression.

You choked on your own stored tears, reaching out for him.

He caught one of your hands, the wrapped one, and squeezed it lightly.

Even with so few feathers left, Hawks plucked one, about the size of your forearm. He replaced his hand with the plumage.

“(Y/N), I will be back. I promise,” Hawks (so weakly) smiled, trying to reassure you. “You snap that feather if anything changes, okay? If anyone comes into the shop who isn’t another pro, or if you start to feel faint. Do you understand?”

“Yeah.” You gritted out, somehow laughing. Your vocal cords rubbing together sends a wave of agony up the back of your neck, burying behind your eyes. You press your forehead in your bent knee.

With one last, fleeting look, eyeing your wound and remembering slate-colored eyes, Keigo took flight into the fray once more.

Keigo hated leaving you. He hated it so fucking much. It burned him, felt wrong in every way. You were so vulnerable in your state. Both of you knew that without him there, you were entirely exposed and fairly defenseless.

It perked up that protective instinct he’d repeatedly had towards you for months. It was probably something related to his avian mutation, but it was just blood-boiling need to keep you safe.

Yet, he just left you, wounded and mentally spiraling, in the middle of a destroyed building.

If he wasn’t trained so well, he would have acted differently. But, it had been burned into him time and time again what his needs were in disaster situations.

Neutralize, stabilize, clear out.

Through his exhaustion, he fought and soared with all he had, fatigue forgotten and replaced by hot cortisol. He forced himself faster, zipping down alleyways and across rooftops at some of his top speeds.

While Keigo tracked down all of the villains (he managed to miss the first time), he trusted that the other Pros could deal with the heavy collateral damage. He was number two, he could catch some organized criminals.

Beyond his training, Keigo had an even bigger motivation.

He could feel you.

The feather he left with you must’ve been pressed right up to your chest, maybe under your neck with the way Keigo could so intensely feel your breath and heartbeat. He could sense it gradually speeding up to the point of what had to be panic. If Keigo focused, he could make out your terror-stricken babbling.

“It’s okay.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“This is fine.”

“I’ll be okay.”

“Hawks is okay.”

“He’ll come back.”

“He won’t leave.”

...

“Everything's gonna be okay.”

With that last one, your words gave out and it turned in gasping breaths.

Keigo worked himself harder, striking down the last of villains with absolute precision, all distractions forgotten in the most pivotal moments of combat.

The instant the villains were in custody, restrained, he was flying back towards the tea shop.

You don’t remember any of this well. Your mind was liquified, your body throbbing in pain.

It had been an incredibly long time, years since you’d been in any situation resembling a villain attack. There was no way to stop the synesthetic storm that was choking your mind. Every sensation was magnified, mixed with another, and shoved down your throat without any ability to change it.

A few minutes after Hawks left, giving you time to stew and roll, you spiraled more harshly.

When you realized how pitifully helpless you were, you fell away, pressing your wet face into the Hawks’s feather. Your vision muddled between black and red.

You felt the cold of the blood wetting your pant leg.

Your wound is bad.

You hadn’t fully looked at it in awhile.

Opening your eyes, you suppressed a wave of nausea at the small puddle of blood growing under the bottom half of your useless leg.

The way the denim of your jeans stuck to your skin mixed with the smell heady smell of blood made you gag.

You couldn’t keep it up anymore.

Letting your eyes shut, you sank down to the floor, cheek pressed into the dirty cement.

You don’t know how long you idled, drowning in your mind’s colors and vibrantly violent sensations.

You were only half-conscious when the feather pressed to your neck twitches.

“(Y/N)!” Keigo shouted as he landed in the teashop, flying straight to the backroom, bypassing the mess of broken glass.

His breath caught, seeing you slumped over.

“Fuck,” Keigo couldn’t stop the tremble in his voice as he noticed how much blood had pooled beneath your injured ankle. “Hey, hey, (Y/N)—”

He sure fucking sucked at admitting his faults, and recognizing the severity of wounds was indeed one of them. He didn’t usually stick around long enough to deal with casualties so closely.

Keigo threw off his gloves, tossing them behind him without looking.

“‘M fine,” You started to push yourself up, hissing at the pain that surged from cuts in your hands. “Brain’s mushy.”

“That all?” Thank god Hawks still managed to joke. The humor dashed across your vision like little sparks. You stifle a weak snort.

“There’s my angel.” Keigo was so relieved to see you conscious that he didn’t notice his own possessive slipup. “Are you lightheaded?”

Gingerly, he helped stabilize your body upright as you wrenched your eyes open.

“A little, it’s okay, this is what happens,” Your voice was so loud in your own skull, it hurt. Though, the pain of your words was only a prick in the wet dough of your overworked mind. Sensation was pain, rolling over you and making it harder and harder to stay lucid.

Keigo swallowed thickly at the sight of your fully-blackened irises.

He needed to get you out as fast as possible, but that required assessing the gash in your leg.

His gaze flickered to your ankle, “Can you move your toes?”

“I don’t want to.”

Keigo frowned, weakly, pushing you as upright as possible as you began to slip to the side.

“Please, you have to try, okay?” Keigo begged, not noticing his own voice wobble.

You shook your head, grabbing it in within its own motion. The dizziness made your insides knot and stick together.

“(Y/N), please.”

You shifted your gaze to him, vision tilting as you did.

The frown on your face split as you just barely moved your toes within your blood-soaked shoe.

The fresh pain, vibrant and boiling, cut through the fog like a heat-blackened knife.

Your own fist flew into your mouth to mouth to suppress the cry that bubbled from your throat. You half-recognized it was the one holding Hawks’s feather.

You couldn’t see the way Keigo flinched at the sound, immediatly trying to soothe the two of you.

“Alright, good, okay, you can still feel them,” Hawks managed to laugh, cutting into the miasma of your psyche. It was something light and airy, tasting like packet sugar on the sides of your tongue.

Chasing the goodness of Hawks’s voice, you mustered up as much clarity as you could grasp, willing yourself into full sentences, “Hawks. I swear to fucking God, if you do not get me out of here right now, I will never make you a drink ever again.”

Keigo blinked at you, nodding, watching your attempt to focus on him, though the fully inked irises seemed to refuse to stay put.

So, this is what the file meant about the cost of your quirk.

“Don’t have to tell me twice, dove.” Hawks scooped you up before you could manage to put more thoughts together. A few of his feathers flew to stabilize your injured leg.

His touch felt good, like incredibly good. Even as the crunch of his boots on the broken glass of the tea shop scratched at your inner ears and burned your sinuses, the heat and texture of his jacket caressed over your cheeks. His warmth tasted like honey and cream.

Your head lolled onto his chest, idly playing with the filaments of his feathers that you refused to let go of.

(Keigo didn’t want you to, anyway.)

He couldn’t fly well, not in his mostly-featherless state, so he took to walking instead. He sidestepped as much glass he could, mostly watching your half-lidded eyes fixate on the feather you had pressed up to your face.

It was a weird circle, Keigo feeling your heat and breath so close, both on his body and on the sensitive plumage. Technically, he was doing his job, so he let himself indulge just the smallest bit in being so close to you. When Keigo squeezed you, nearly at the medic’s area, you tucked your face into his collarbones, breaths slowing from panic. You were even slack in his grip.

A paramedic rushed up to the two of you, guiding you to a setup stretcher and a waiting line of ambulances.

“We can take it from here, Hawks, no need to stick around,” The paramedic’s voice cut through the air, dripping bitterness on your tonsils and iron nails in your lungs.

Hawks set you half-down onto the lip of the vehicle, “Nah, it’s okay, I’ll hang out with them for a sec. They’re a friend of mine.”

He’d never said it before. That you were friends.

Heat rushed up to your fingertips, sweetness washing over your wounded leg, topped off silken air settling around your ears.

You’d drown in the sensation, a million times over.

The paramedic ran off quickly, a man with a nasty head wound taking precedence over your leg (which seemed to have clotted somewhat with your somewhat more relaxed state).

Hawks still didn’t leave.

Rather, he moved closer.

So did you.

From your spot sitting on the edge of the ambulance, your injured leg was twisted and propped up while the other dangled off the edge of the vehicle.

Keigo was right up against the metal, allowing you to lean on his side.

“You good?” You asked him, bumping your leg into his lower back.

Keigo couldn’t help jumping. You’d never casually touched him.

(He really liked it.)

Though the setting and circumstances were fucked, he figured it was okay.

You were friends, right?

Hawks wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pressing you into his side.

You took it a step further, wanting to simply soak in the amber, milky feeling of his touch.

You squish your cheek low against his collarbone, drinking in the smell of his sweat, stale, spiced cologne, and rich, expensive smelling hair oil.

The scents washed over your skin, rolling over your burning wounds like aloe and clean water.

“Thank you.” Your voice is small and soft, kept gentle by your last sparks of lucidity.

You heard Hawks chuckle, your vision swimming in honey and yellow with the sound, “Just doing my job, you know.”

“I mean, yeah,” You laughed too, pressing your nose harder into him. “But, it’s you, and I’m just glad you’re here.”

“You better stop being so sweet,” The hand around your shoulder rubbed slowly, up and down your spine, sweet spices and sugars dancing on the roof of your mouth. “Gonna give me ideas.”

The touch, something you craved and denied yourself, pushed you over the edge as his touch dissolved across your overstimulated mind in cresting waves of rushing, blessed heat.

Finally succumbing to the flood of your quirk, drowning your mind in both agony and absolute calm, you muttered out the last clear thing you said that evening, “We always give each other ideas, silly.”

God, the many meanings behind your words spun and stuck in Keigo’s mind like the taste of the miel he drank that morning. They relentlessly clung to his psyche, wanting to know more.

He stayed close while you were assessed and strapped into the ambulance. He sent a few of his last feathers to retrieve your jacket and purse from the wrecked shop.

All the while you clutched his bare hand, irises black while the whites turned bloodshot.

As the ambulance drove off towards that public hospital, he could feel the steady beat of your heart through the crimson feather he made sure was tucked in your hand the moment he had to let it go.

He felt you squeeze it, and he wanted nothing more than to return the gesture a thousand times over.

#salem writes #lavender latte #hawks x y/n #hawks x reader #hawks x you #takami keigo x y/n #takami keigo x you #takami keigo x reader #takami keigo reader insert #hawks reader insert #hawks fanfiction #reader insert #mha x reader #tw blood #keigo x reader #keigo x you #keigo x y/n

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anerdinallherglory · 3 years

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Approaching Sun (30)

Author’s Note: Happy late Valentine’s Day! Fun note: I actually started A.S. on this very same holiday a couple years back. And I did not expect the length or plot this story has taken at allll. Again, I am sorry this is so late. I am hoping to update a LOT more this summer (only one summer class this time!) Unless I get the new job that I am hoping for (fingers crossed). But if I get this job, my free time to write will really open up for me. So it’s a win-win for this story either way.

Also, I want to especially thank these readers: adarkunicorn, softshelldefence, seafoamsands, hatakeliz, harza4925, peachop, cheese-and-biscuits, epitomeofprocrastination, tamnobela, and andreeastroe. These readers really encouraged me to keep writing this story after I was ready trash and take it off all of its publishing sites. You can thank them this story continues.

To all my reviewers, I seriously love you ALL. I am hoping I will get to a point where I can take a break from student emails and respond to each and every one of your reviews in the future. That will be my new year’s resolution this year! I am going to be better. You are all amazing and bring me so much joy and encouragement.

Pairing: SasuSaku

Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29

Chapter 30: A Very Dangerous Game

Sasuke hated Kaguya’s sand dimension even more than he disliked the desert that covered the vast majority of the Land of Wind. This dimension was forever hot despite that the dimension’s otherworldly moon hung low in the dark horizon, a massive orb of blinding white that mirrored the Earth’s moon in exact replica. Sasuke had always felt like the illusion was a reminder of the Otsusuki people, and that Kaguya had designed this dimension to display something that reminded her of home. To Sasuke, the dimension moons eerily reminded him of Kaguya’s pupil-less irises, always watching the spaces that existed between nothing.

Glaring at it in paranoid response, Sasuke, deprived of chakra now, walked toward it slowly and determinedly as a challenge. He would show her exactly how her dimensions were now his domains. The Uchiha decided he would walk freely here because he couldn’t do as he pleased his own world. He wanted to scream curses at that eye-like globe, demanding the Otsusuki show up and take him on now in his weakened state.

“Come on!” he screamed. “All of you! What are you waiting for? Let’s get this over with! I will find you all eventually!” He wanted it done. He wanted this over. He wanted to have a life despite his promise to be the worlds’ sacrifice for peace.

As if to taunt him, Sasuke’s shuffling feet snagged over something in the sand, and he glanced down at his feet in surprise. A ninja’s vest, half-burnt away from acid, displayed itself like a green bearing flag left behind by those who had explored a barren planet. Even though Sasuke had been the only human to ever walk here, Sakura’s old vest that Sasuke had used as a teleport connection between dimensions back when he had been trapped here, always served as a call to his more current jumps. In other words, every time Sasuke had come here over the past couple of years, no matter where he opened the portal, he would always land within a few feet of it.

In the past, he had thought of removing it because it was a painful reminder in many ways. But as he returned consistently to the same spot, Sasuke began to theorize that it had something to do with his ability to travel here. At first, Sasuke believed it was because during teleportation, his path crisscrossed into a connection that had already been created and used before—this was the most likely explanation; his chakra simply wasn’t strong enough to rip a new tear in the fabric of space and time. But as he looked at it now, Sasuke wondered if there was more to it than that. Did emotions tie him to this piece of fabric? And because Sasuke’s friends always existed somewhere in the back of his mind, did his chakra seek it out as something familiar to secure itself to before flinging him through the vacuum of nothingness?

Sasuke glared back at the moon in hatred, wondering too, if it could be just a sick part of Kaguya’s illusions, knowing that the vest had in the past and always, always would continue to stop the Uchiha in his tracks. A temptation reminding him of a different life, one that would cause him to ignore the Otsusuki. Kaguya would want that.

He sat down beside it despite how much he wanted to turn and walk away from it as he always had. This time, he let it be his beacon out of the void, drawing some sort of strength from it in his chakra-deprived state. The whole point of being this exhausted was to avoid thinking of her, but the tattered shinobi vest always pricked him with guilt, especially now when he had left her alone in Sunagakure despite his promises of partnership. It was as if the green material had a voice of its own, saying “See how far she would go for you?” And Sasuke, keeping his thoughts private from the ever-watching rock above, would think to himself “I am doing this for her, too. She will understand eventually. She will accept just how far I am willing to go for this peace we both envision. We have the same goal.”

As Sasuke thought these thoughts again, Sasuke accepted that if they couldn’t be united in love, then at the very least, they would be united in the same goal, the same vision of happiness. It comforted him ever so slightly.

He sighed as he fingered the chakra pills at his waist, guilt invading his chest and suffocating him. How could he tell her his true feelings and make her accept what he was willing to accept? How could he satisfy the both of them and do the least damage?

Sasuke exhaled and leaned back in the sand once more to sleep, sweat beading across his brow in the high temperature. He turned on his side and faced the vest in exhaustion, pretending it was her—pretending to be satisfied with this small piece of the woman he loved and would ever allow himself to dream this close to.

. . . . . . . . . . .

The blackness pervaded all of Sakura’s senses as soon as her feet hit the ground opposite the giant hole she had just created in the sand. She blinked hard, hearing the cursing and alarmed proclamations of those she had attacked. The darkness was like a leaden mist before her eyes and Sakura instinctively created the sign of “release” for genjutsu. And whether it was from her lack of chakra, or because this was a ninjutsu, Sakura’s attempts yielded zero results. The blackness remained and blinded her past several inches in front of her face. When she heard Isao’s shout for her, she had no choice but to dart forward blindly, determined to reach him before someone else did.

“Let go of me!” the child screamed, his pursuer unfortunately catching up with him. Sakura navigated through the pillars of sand-dripping earth that now projected themselves in the air around her. With hands outstretched, she cursed herself. The blow had meant to disorient her opponents and it had, but this damn thickening darkness made it difficult to move forward through the landscape of her own destruction. Thankfully, the waterfalling crumble of sand masked her rushed footfalls.

The kunoichi drew upon her chakra once more, but it came as slowly as before, the medicine still lingering in her system with its toxic chakra clotting effects. Sakura moved hurriedly ahead, hoping that she wasn’t the only one choked with darkness.

Isao’s curses came and Sakura finally rounded a huge boulder to find herself facing the back of the thug’s head. He had his massive hands around the child’s throat, weapon tossed aside in favor of a crueler death to the victim that had caused him so much trouble. Despite his struggle for his life, Isao made eye contact with her the moment they were close enough to see each other. His attacker saw recognition register in the boy’s eyes and spun to face her. But it was too late. Sakura’s kunai was slicing the gray flesh of his throat before he even had time to see her, a final blow that had been delayed from earlier, but determined by fate to be his cause of death. The brutish ninja dropped to the ground instantly and Sakura justified the blood that pooled freely at her feet by remembering his cruel actions to the child that struggled to catch his breath before her.

Sakura picked up the abandoned weapon, the weight unfamiliar in her hands. The sound of the man’s death had betrayed her position, and the footsteps of his companions crunched closer to her location. Terrified, Sakura clutched the child, pushing him behind the jagged column of rock behind her.

“Isao,” she pleaded in a whisper. “You have to make a run for it.”

“I won’t leave you,” he declared, determined to fight to his death for her.

“The only thing you can do for me now is to go get help,” she said honestly. It was a half-truth. There were only a few realities before them, and Isao making it back to the village and bringing help was not likely due to how much time it would take. But Sakura was desperate to remove the brave child from the scenario. She cared too much to let him sacrifice himself for her.

“Miss—” he protested, but Sakura propelled him forward in the blinding darkness, an enemy’s footsteps rounding the earth that cloaked him. It was too late to argue, and Sakura turned to face the phantom-man who stepped toward her in visibility, shadows curling around him as he cleared a path through the inky mist.

Sakura faced him squarely, taking a defensive stance and raising the wicked katana with her sharper green eyes, sending a stare to him along the metal’s surface. The shadow-wielding ninja smirked and the rest of his crew appeared beside him.

“Go!” she screamed in final command at the child whose feet took off into the black at her back.

Sakura brandished the sword in confident threat at her attackers, herself serving as the shield between herself and Isao; they wouldn’t move an inch in pursuit of his direction if she had anything to do with it. Sakura had never wielded a sword before, but in the absence of chakra, she would become a master at it in this moment. Sakura was a kunoichi, a medic, a chakra control master, the pupil of a legendary Sanin, a rising legend herself, and today, she would add something else to her list. Scratch that. She would two things tonight: she would eradicate this new movement of anti-peace revolutionaries, and she would do it at disadvantage with the weapon of her enemy.

. . . . . . . .

As Isao ran, he clutched his side in pain, a sharp stab in his waist. The man who Sakura had killed moments before must have broken one of his ribs as he crushed Isao to the ground. At first, the young ninja pitched forward in blackness, half-debating to turn back to help the pink-haired ninja. But Isao knew the truth. He had been foolish to pursue her and her kidnappers alone and he cursed himself for his rash decisions in his fear of losing sight of them; he should have told someone else even if he lost their trail. Any of them, anyone at allwould have been better help to Miss Haruno than he had been.

Isao’s bravery amounted to nothing and it was evident in every piercing word from the medic kunoichi: The only thing you can do for me now is to go get help … Isao let the command fuel him forward despite the pain, until the night faded into morning hours later and the mighty walls of the Sand Village came into view.

He didn’t know how much time had passed and he didn’t wait to scream for help. The Kazekage was not in the village—he had overheard that much. Neither was the teammate that traveled with Miss Haruno. He yelled the only name he could think of, the name his heart still cried out to despite how much he hated him. The roaring sand shrouded his cries, and the prison walls would buffer it completely, but Isao begged to the air, shouting over and over, “FATHER! HELP ME!”

. . . . . . . .

The taste of the chakra pill was bitter, smoky and acrid. The Uchiha almost gagged trying to swallow it down, and he silently confirmed that Sai had been right—although Sasuke hated to agree with anything his entitled replacement said. What had he called them? Mudballs? Despite the accurate term, Sasuke feared his kunoichi companion more than he hated the taste, so he would keep the complaint to himself.

The pill pooled in his stomach and Sasuke took a breath, focusing on the ignition starting in his core. The rush of power was exhilarating as it topped off his chakra supply, overflowing visibly in a blue-purple halo around him. It sizzled along his skin and Sasuke grinned wickedly as a spiraling vortex appeared before him, much larger than any he had been able to create on his own before.

This was it! It was working! He pushed beyond the core dimension easily, his ready supply of chakra speedily fueling the tunnel between the void, but it ate and ate away at his energy and the color disappeared from his skin. Running off his own meager supply now, Sasuke exhaled and grinded his teeth in concentration. Finally, the connection was made and Sasuke threw himself through it.

He landed roughly, skidding to a halt, and he was ironically thankful for once for the Land of Wind’s high volume of sand. Sasuke found himself smirking up at the lightening sky as he recovered, because this was his first victory in a long struggle of jumping dimensions. To the Uchiha, it was proof that he was doing exactly what he was meant to do: beat Kaguya and the Otsusuki clan at their own game in their own territory. Giddy in his success, Sasuke used the last of his dwindling energy to rise to his feet, his thoughts immediately turning to the woman who had helped make this all possible—he hadn’t achieved this on his own; Sakura deserved the credit. And it was the first time that Sasuke could admit that he needed someone else’s help in his goal.

The dark walls of Sunagakure cut the bright morning horizon in half and Sasuke’s gut twisted in a combination of emptiness and guilt at the thought of returning to Sunagakure to face his friend after their… kiss. Sasuke was torn between finding her immediately to tell her that their plan had worked, pretending the kiss never happened in typical Uchiha fashion. But the time he had stolen away from her “to think” brought him to only one conclusion: he needed to apologize—again—and at least explain why. He had made her a promise to be a partner that depended on each other, and here Sakura was continuing to keep that promise, while Sasuke stole moments of happiness and bailed when he had to face the consequences. Suddenly remembering their sunset conversation the last time he had returned after leaving, Sasuke felt a fresh stab to his consciousness as he recalled her statement: “a part of partnership is communication.”

Sasuke slowly made his way toward the village gates. When he passed through the canyon-like entrance, people greeted him with “good mornings” while others stared openly at him. Their gazes were a little different, warmer, and Sasuke wondered if his teammate’s influence in the hospital had something to do with his newreception in Sunagakure now.

Feeling even more ashamed, Sasuke resolved himself for his female companion’s wrath and made a straight line for the hospital.

When he entered the hospital’s double doors, Sasuke came upon a scene that made his stomach drop into his feet. Kankuro, who was haggard from exhaustion, and had apparently returned sometime in the night, was fisting the collar of a hospital staff member.

“What do you mean they’re not here?” he bristled. “If she’s not in her rooms, then she should be here. Where’s Mako? Where’s the kid?”

“I don’t know sir,” came the panicked response from the employee, terrified to be facing the Kazekage’s right-hand man. “I’m sure they’re in the village somewhere.”

Hearing those words had Sasuke acting before thinking and the Uchiha rushed forward to fist the shirt of the same medic. “Are you talking about Sakura?” His eyes darted between the both of them and Kankuro’s grip released from the startled staff’s shirt in the same moment he shoved Sasuke’s own hand away.

“Where the hell have you been?” Kankuro accused icily, and a fire Sasuke didn’t even know he had left in him, surged from his throat in anger.

“What the hell is happening?” he demanded, taking another step toward the puppet wielder.

Kankuro pinched his nose in frustration, then beheld him in shock. “You mean Sakura isn’t with you?”

Sasuke eyes widened in immediate response, an answer refusing to form on his lips. Instead, he shouted, “You don’t know where she is?!”

Kankuro frowned deeper at his sudden animosity. “She hasn’t been seen since yesterday morning,” he explained quickly. “The innkeeper said she never came back to the inn. Mako, another medic, and Sakura’s young patient are missing too.”

Sasuke didn’t wait for any further explanation before he began sprinting up the stairs to the second floor of the hospital, the filter for his behavior now completely removed. Let everyone think what they want! That bastard! When Sasuke got ahold of Mako, he wasn’t sure what he would do. Sasuke’s feet were unusually heavy and his breath labored as he continued climbing to the third floor toward the medicine preparation room they had occupied together only recently.

“Sakura?!” He kicked open the door and furiously searched the vacant room with his eyes. After seeing no one, Sasuke stared at the empty couch where they had sat so close to one another the night before last. As if his memory of her there could recall her, Sasuke gazed openly at it, breathing hard.

Having followed the Uchiha, Kankuro appeared in the door behind him. “We’ve already checked the hospital. She isn’t here. We need to check the rest of the village, quickly!”

She couldn’t be missing. Was she really with that assistant of hers or that child? Were they off somewhere else doing something medical, or were they truly missing? Shit. Shit. Shit.

He turned on Kankuro in his unnerved rage. Sasuke wanted to demand where they had been, he and the Kazekage, but Sasuke remembered that Sakura had told him that they were investigating trouble near the border. He cursed himself again for being selfish and leaving her here alone.

As if reading his thoughts, Kankuro explained, “I was sent back by the Kazekage in the night. He is handling a situation regarding the ninja Sakura said ambushed you both in Tanigakure. The incidents were apparently related.”

“What do you mean?” Sasuke suddenly asked, a deep and cutting sensation coming over Sasuke that he hadn’t felt in a very, very long time: fear.

Kankuro looked down and away from him, debating on how much to reveal. “With some unmentionable methods, we were finally able to find out who their target was,” he finally informed with a sigh. His eyes rose to meet Sasuke’s and the Uchiha saw the same raw fear mirrored in Kankuro’s eyes. “It’s Sakura.”

At the very moment that Sasuke’s knees felt like collapsing beneath his weight, the same staff member that the two ninja had threatened seconds before, came running into the room, panting heavily from having hiked the floors.

“Come quickly,” he urged between breaths, turning immediately to run back down the steps. “Isao has returned.”

Kankuro made eye contact with the Uchiha before they both bolted back down the stairs, taking two and three steps at time. Sasuke cursed his lack of chakra that kept him from just teleporting downstairs.

Sitting in a chair, the child clutched his side. Sasuke noticed that he kept trying to rise, but the staff held him down as they tried to bandage a wound on his arm. Deep purple finger marks circled around the child’s neck like a collar.

“Not me! Her! Go find her, please!” he shouted as he struggled against them.

“Calm down boy,” a woman medic urged. “We have to staunch the flow of blood from your arm.” The child looked at his wound as if he didn’t even know it had been there.

When Isao caught sight of Sasuke and Kankuro, he started to cry. “HELP! Please help!” he shouted, and they quickly moved to hover over the child. Kankuro suddenly kneeled before him, taking the gauze from the medic and wrapped the child’s arm himself as he questioned.

“Speak kid,” Kankuro urged, “What is going on?”

“Miss Haruno,” he choked between tears. “She’s still out there! Please, we have to go!”

Before Kankuro could ask the child why, Sasuke did something appalling, an act that Sakura would be disappointed in him for. His sharingan flashed bright, soaking up the last of his chakra like a sponge, and he caught the panicked child’s stare in his own crimson and purple one.

Just as he had to Isao’s father, Sasuke stepped into the child’s memories. Isao’s recollections were almost too overwhelming for Sasuke to handle at the moment, each image dripping with the fear in which young ones saw the ninja world. There was also bravery in them and familial concern for the pink-haired kunoichi. Sasuke skipped through the memories like speeding up a film, an act that made his head throb in pain. He didn’t care about his own state at the moment though, seeking the green-eyed face of the woman he had come to love.

There. Isao’s most recent memory Sakura was of her telling him “to go get help.” Sasuke didn’t have time to go back further and he let the memories play out from that point, mapping the child’s nighttime desert sprint, hours long, from the empty desert back to the gates of the village.

Not needing to explore the child’s mind further, he released Isao and they both gasped. Sasuke clutched his eye, ignoring the angry glare on Kankuro’s face. He didn’t care about Kankuro’s morals or even the child’s shocked state at that moment. There was only one thing he cared about. He would let the child explain the details to Kankuro; Sasuke didn’t have the time to explain things to Kankuro. Instead, the Uchiha did the unthinkable, playing the very dangerous game of popping another chakra pill into his mouth as he sprinted out the hospital doors.

#approaching sun #approachingsun #sasusaku #Happy Valentine's Day #Sakura Haruno #sasuke and sakura #ssfanfiction #sasusakufanfiction #Sasuke Uchiha #sasukeshinden #sasuke shinden #sakura hiden #naruto fanfiction #narutolightnovels

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whumpcollector · 3 years

Text

Project CHIMERA Pt.1: A New Age

Hey everyone. I’ve had this little project stewing for a long while. I’m experimenting with the writing style and such so please give me any feedback you have! (Also formatting this thing has been a nightmare so if anything comes off as difficult to read please lmk and ill fix it)

TW: Dehumanization. Themes of imperialism. Descriptions of blood and injury.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Dr. Yarru’s Personal Log

Entry 1

Date: Celendor 3, 991

It is a glorious day. Truly it is. Today marks the beginning of project CHIMERA. I have been assigned to lead this project by Emperor Vystlat himself, an honor I intend to prove myself worthy of. The equipment is still being set up and the facility brought to full function, but within the week we will be able to begin the production of the first batch of clones. All going well we will have our first subjects by the end of Celendor.This will be a new age for the empire.

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Dr. Yarru’s Personal Log

Entry 4

Date: Celendor 12, 991

The first batch of clones are growing better than anticipated. Within two days they have already passed the embryonic stages and have reached infancy. If this rate continues they will be juveniles within three days at most, and we will be able to begin the initial stages of CHIMERA ahead of schedule. This is better than I ever could have hoped for. Soon the need for the empire’s children to die in order to spread our prosperity will be gone. Soon, the glory of the empire will go uncontested.

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---Security Clearance Level: 5---

Official Report of Progress: Project CHIMERA

Date: Celendor 12, 991

My glorious Emperor Vystalt,I am more than pleased to report that project CHIMERA’s progress has been greater than I ever anticipated. The first batch of clones have reached the juvenile stage and are being awoken as I write this report. After a day of acclimation we will be able to begin their training. Initial physiological tests have revealed that cell growth rates and immune system responses are greatly enhanced compared to the average human’s. With further research we may be able to adapt these properties to other medical fields. While I do not wish to get ahead of myself, the prospective avenues of research are truly promising.

I shall personally inform you of any and all major developments.

May our glory shine upon the world,

-Dr.Archimedes Yarru

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Dr. Yarru’s Personal Log

Entry 6

Date: Celendor 13, 991

It appears that our genetic manipulation has worked a bit...too well. These clones are not the blank slates that we had anticipated, but have managed to develop personalities during their time in incubation. The good news is that the information we imprinted them with during the incubation phase has stuck as well. We won’t need to teach them the basics. In theory their training can continue as normal, but some issues have reared their ugly heads. We are already receiving resistance to the idea of training from some of the subjects, and an alarming amount of them have developed dispositions that aren’t exactly compatible with being a soldier. Still, this is a minor setback at most and I have been assured by the training staff that things will progress as intended. I hope they know what they’re doing, but the emperor chose them personally so they must be good at their job.

Despite this hiccup I can’t help but be hopeful for the future. Every other aspect of CHIMERA has gone off without a hitch. I’m already seeing promising results from my initial tests of the clone’s blood and muscle cells. I will have to study them closer to get better results, but that will come in time.

Damn it's been 22 hours since I last slept. I should probably do that now.

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Celendor-15-991

To: allstaff

Subject: Plans going forward and clarification of CHIMERA details

It has come to my attention that there has been some confusion throughout the staff, both due to the unforeseen personalities of the clones and with general project protocol. Allow me to rectify these issues here.

[1] The classification of all subjects are as follows. Please remember this to avoid any failures of communication in the future.

Stage gamma: Subjects in the initial stages of testing. They will physically resemble adolescents, generally ages 12-15.

Stage beta: Subjects that are through initial training stages and have been curated into specified roles to receive specialized training. They will also reach physical maturity, resembling 20-22 year olds before their biological development and aging slows.

Stage alpha: Subjects that have finished training and are capable of being sent into the field.

Note: The ages attached to each stage are to provide a reference point to help identify subjects at a glance. Subject’s early rapid aging and the subsequent cessation of said aging makes any attempts at estimating age past a certain point futile. Please refrain from doing so

Addendum: This also means that there will be no attempts at assigning or recognizing birthdays. Yes Arthur, we mean you. Sate your addiction to cake on your own time

[2] Despite the unintended development of personality within subjects all current training protocols and methods will be utilized. The head of the training staff has asked that I pass along this message

*[While I understand that these new developments may be difficult to handle for some of you, it is imperative to remember that these clones are not people. They are more akin to automatons or even puppets. There will likely be many attempts to resist our training, do not waver. These clones are meant to be the bulwark of the empire. They need to be forged and tempered into weapons of war. If that requires us to break them first we must accept that. Use a heavy hand, accept not disobedience, and do whatever it takes to ensure the compliance of the clones.

Taskmaster Grestin]

[3] Remember that project CHIMERA is still in experimental phases. The genetic makeup, physiology, and even mental development and reception to training will vary from batch to batch and even subject to subject. Adapting to such differences will be crucial to ensuring progress of the project. If you happen to notice any abnormal physiological phenomena or behavioral anomalies please report to me. While these subjects are meant to be made into soldiers for the empire they also provide a plethora of opportunities for other fields of research. Within that vein, please refrain from killing the subjects. I understand that taskmaster Grestin’s previous statement emphasizes the importance of discipline but please, do show some restraint when possible. Creating these subjects is currently an expensive and, quite frankly, unreliable process despite our initial success. There is a reason this first batch only consists of 10 subjects. Please do not lower that number.

-Dr. Archimedes Yarru

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Dr. Yarru’s Personal Log

Entry 9

Date: Celendor 19, 991

Well Grestin has definitely earned the title taskmaster. I get that any training intended to produce super soldiers is going to be intense but, damn. I’m almost worried that she’ll kill the subjects long before they get into stage beta. Hopefully I’m just being overly anxious. I trust that Grestin won’t push them too harshly too quickly.

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Medical Report: Subject Gamma-A-8

Date of Admission: Celendor-20-991

Subject Gamma-A-8 was submitted to the facility infirmary at 8:26 AM on the 20th of month Celendor, year 991 by staff member Jules Armidin. Subject Gamma-A-8 was admitted due to severe injury and physical exhaustion. A complete list of afflictions has been attached to the report.

After initial treatments Subject Gamma-A-8 has been stabilized and is currently recovering. It is estimated the subject will be fully recovered within 10-14 days with no long term injuries or afflictions.

Attached - Trauma_Report_GAMMMAA8

[ Subject Gamma-A-8

Muscle tearing located in the left and right biceps, triceps, and pectorals

Hairline fractures located in the left ulna, left and right radius, and sternum

Compound fracture located at the tibia

Eye spasms indicative of long term sleep deprivation Mild concussion

General bruising located across the arms, legs, and abdomen

Lacerations across the back ]

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr. Yarru’s Personal Log

Entry 10

Date: Celendor 20, 991

At least the subject didn’t die. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr Yarru’s Personal Log.

Entry 11

Date: Celendor 21, 991

Well if anything at least I have been able to study how the subject’s body responds to physiological trauma. The results are nothing short of remarkable. Almost all of the major injuries have been healed to the point of not impairing the body's functions, including bone fractures. I was as shocked as the doctors when a compound fracture seemingly mended itself overnight. It hasn’t fully healed, but the subject is capable of moving the leg to a degree, which is still nothing short of amazing. Accelerated Healing was something that was coded into their base genetics but this is more than what we could have ever expected.

I wonder if this trait is shared by all subjects or if Gamma-A-8 is a special case. Perhaps Grestin’s methods will prove fruitful in more ways than one.

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Dr Yarru’s Personal Log

Entry 14

Date: Celendor 28, 991

It has been less than one month since the beginning of project CHIMERA and the results are already beyond my wildest dreams. Despite my initial reservations almost every subject has taken to the training regimen, no doubt due to Grestin’s expertise.

Note to self: Don’t piss her off

Subject Gamma-A-8 has had a difficult time keeping up with the other subjects. Despite the subject’s remarkable natural healing it seems unable to match the raw strength and speed the other subjects possess. I am hopeful that it will be able to catch up, or at least be able to function adequately in whatever role it is assigned. If not, well, 90% success rate is still more than acceptable given the circumstances.

I feel as if I have gathered as much data as I can working on the peripheries. Blood samples and medical reports are all well and good but they can only get me so far. I haven’t had a chance to interact with any of the subjects thus far. I think it's about time that I change that.

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Tags: @haro-whumps @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi

#whump #sci fi whump #dehumanization #Dr. Yarru

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noona-clock · 4 years

Text

The Personal Trainer - Part 6, Final Chapter

Genre: Gym!AU

Pairing: Junhoe x You (Female!Reader)

Warnings: None

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 | Words: 2,740

One Year Later

“These are the last ones,” Junhoe announced as he came in through the front door carrying two boxes stacked on top of each other.

Your brother followed behind him carrying another two boxes, lifting his leg up to kick the door closed behind him once he’d stepped into the entry way.

You quickly glanced up at them, seeing that both Junhoe’s boxes were labeled ‘Kitchen’ and the boxes in your brother’s arms were labeled ‘Bathroom’ and ‘Books.’

“Kitchen, kitchen, bathroom, books,” you mumbled to yourself after shifting your gaze back down to the list in your hand. You found the last four boxes left unchecked and marked them off. “Perfect.”

“Babe --”

But you knew Junhoe was going to ask you where your brother should take his boxes, so you didn’t even wait for him to finish.

“Both of them can go upstairs,” you told your brother, making eye contact with him so he knew for sure you were talking to him.

Your brother nodded, smiled through his grimace, and began to lug the two boxes up the stairs.

You set your list down and continued on unpacking the box containing all of your mugs and glasses. It was taking you a while since each one had been carefully wrapped in newspaper and bubble wrap, but you were also having a little too much fun figuring out how to arrange them all in your new cabinet.

As you heard the heavy thud of footsteps going up the staircase, you heard another set of footsteps heading down the hallway toward the kitchen -- Junhoe’s footsteps, of course, since both of the boxes he had just brought in were for the kitchen.

“Just find any empty space to put them down,” you murmured as you carefully slid a mug with a bear’s face on it onto a shelf.

After Junhoe let out a soft grunt and set the boxes down, you heard his shuffling footsteps coming toward you -- presumably to help you put the rest of the mugs and glasses away.

But, to your (pleasant) surprise, you instead felt his arms slide around your waist. You froze, a smile tugging at your lips as Junhoe pressed a kiss on the back of your shoulder.

“I thought you were coming to help me,” you said softly through your grin.

“I will,” he mumbled, kissing the side of your neck. “In a minute.”

His lips created a shiver down your spine, and you let out a soft, breathless giggle. “Jun, I’m all sweaty,” you told him. You’d been moving and unpacking boxes since early this morning -- and moving to a new house was no easy feat.

Junhoe paused for just a moment, and you felt his breath graze over your skin as he laughed. “Babe, I’m a personal trainer. Do you really think sweat bothers me?”

“...True.”

He then continued exploring the side of your neck with his lips, creating a trail of kisses as he began to move up toward your ear.

The sound of your brother’s footsteps coming back down the stairs made you jump, though, and you put your hands on Junhoe’s arms to try and break his hold on you.

“We’re moving in together,” Junhoe whispered. “It’s not like he doesn’t know we kiss. And do other --”

You elbowed him in the ribs as sharply as you dared, and even though his stomach was basically rock hard, he humored you by letting out a strained groan. He also let his arms fall from around your waist just as your brother started coming down the hallway.

“You guys need any more help?” he asked when he appeared in the kitchen doorway, panting slightly and resting his hands on his hips.

“No,” you replied immediately, your forehead slightly wrinkled. “No, you have done more than enough.”

You handed Junhoe the mug you had been unwrapping and slipped past him, heading over toward your brother so you could walk him to the front door.

“Seriously, thank you so much,” you gushed as the two of you started walking back down the hallway.

“You know I’m happy to help,” you brother replied, nudging your side gently. “I’m really proud of how consistently you’ve been working out, but I knew you could use the extra muscle.”

You simply rolled your eyes playfully, not making a comment out loud because... he was right. You had been working out consistently -- now that Junhoe was your boyfriend (again), there was no way you could escape exercising -- but you knew you would’ve been ten times more exhausted if you’d had to help carry in half the boxes.

As soon as the two of you stepped outside, letting the front door of your beautiful new house close behind you, your brother turned to face you. He put his hands on your shoulders and lifted his eyebrows.

“I have waited a long time to say this,” he began.

Oh, lord. What was going to come out of his mouth next? You had a sneaking suspicion, but --

“But I told you that you never really got over him.”

Yep, there it was.

“Okay, dude, it has been a year --”

“I’ve been waiting for the right time to gloat!” your brother interrupted with a very smug grin. “And this feels like the right time. Now, admit it: I know you better than you know yourself.”

“I am not admitting that,” you deadpanned.

“Well, we both know you’re an expert in denial, so I will take that as a win.”

“Shut up,” you chuckled, shrugging his hands off your shoulders and pushing him toward his car parked in the driveway. “Get out of here. Thank you.”

Your brother shot you one last satisfied half-smile, lifting one hand up to give you a two-finger salute as he headed out to go back to his own place to take care of Harry (temporarily). “See ya, Sis.”

You stood out on the stoop, watching your brother get in his car, waving good-bye to him one last time, and waiting until he’d backed out of the driveway before turning to go back inside.

You expected Junhoe to still be in the kitchen putting the rest of the mugs and glasses away, but you really should’ve learned by now that your boyfriend was just too unpredictable for you to ever comprehend.

But that was okay.

Over the past year, the two of you had really grown -- both as a couple and as individuals. He had learned to be more mindful of your structured schedule, and you had learned to be more laid back about his incredibly loose timetables.

He had also gotten very good at not being late thanks to your incessant nagging and all the alarms you set on his phone, and if you never accomplished anything else for the rest of your life, at least you had accomplished that.

So, instead of getting aggravated that Junhoe hadn’t finished the job like the Old You would have, you took a deep breath, told yourself you would finish it later, and called out to him.

“Jun? Where’d you go?”

“I’m in here,” he replied, his voice much closer than you expected. It was obviously coming from the next room over -- the living room -- so you shuffled over and poked your head through the doorway.

As soon as your gaze landed on him lounging on the sofa, he patted the cushion next to him. “Get over here,” he invited, and the thought of relaxing -- even if just for a few minutes -- was far too tempting to resist.

You stepped out of your shoes and practically leaped onto the couch beside him, though you were far too tired from unpacking things to actually leap.

Junhoe immediately put an arm around you, pulling you close to his side before grabbing your legs and draping them over his lap.

“How’re you doing?” he murmured as you pressed your forehead into the crook of his neck and let out a long, exhausted sigh. “Tired, baby?”

You nodded, letting out a positive hum. And when Junhoe began to rub your back, your eyelids got too heavy to keep open any longer.

“We’ll just take a little break and then get back to it,” he said. “I know I left the rest of the mugs and stuff, but I’ll get to it, don’t worry.”

A smile tugged at your lips. For some reason, it was still surprising and delightful that Junhoe could pinpoint exactly what worried you.

In fact, it delighted you so much, you just had to lift your head up and place a kiss on his jaw.

“I love you,” you said softly, unable to keep yourself from smiling.

Junhoe tightened his hold on you, letting out a quiet chuckle when you kissed his jaw a few more times.

“I love you, too,” he replied.

“And I’m so happy we’re doing this.”

“What, taking a cuddle break on the couch?”

You reached up to pinch his side for that, and he let out a playful yelp.

“No, that we’re moving in together,” you corrected, even though you knew he knew what you’d meant.

“Oh, yeah! That. Yeah, I’m happy we’re doing that, too.”

It actually hadn’t been an easy decision to do this. Even though you were truly, madly, deeply in love with each other and your relationship was infinitely stronger than it had been the first go-round, you still knew that living together would be a big change.

I mean, even when Junhoe had spent the night at your apartment, you’d had to constantly remind him to actually put his dirty clothes in your laundry hamper rather than just leaving them on the floor.

How many times had you said, “It’s really no extra effort to just walk the few steps over to the closet and put them in the basket. Just do it now so you don’t have to do it later!”

And you wouldn’t even get started on dirty dishes.

Trust me. No one wants that.

The truth of the matter was, Junhoe was a slob. He admitted it easily and apologized for it frequently, and despite your best efforts... he was still a slob.

So, yeah. Moving in together meant more of the same. There would inevitably be arguments, and you would absolutely nag him about picking up after himself.

But, in the end, the question you had to ask yourself was this: could you live without him?

And the answer was No. You could not.

I mean, yes, you would be able to live without him if -- God forbid -- something ever happened. You would move on with your life. You were your own person, and your happiness depended on no one else but yourself.

But you know what I mean.

Even though it wasn’t going to be easy, not living with him would’ve been much harder. And that’s why you ultimately found a listing for a house nearby and texted it to him with no context or comment.

He had replied back almost immediately with, “Count me in.”

Things had moved pretty quickly from there, and the two of you had ended up buying this house -- the same house you’d sent him -- less than a month later.

Ever since you’d rekindled your relationship with Junhoe, you had opened yourself up to simply allowing yourself to feel, to trust your instincts. If you hadn’t been so adamant about denying everything, you would’ve learned that your feelings for him had never actually gone away. You didn’t want to waste time like that again, so you’d been pushing yourself to be honest about your emotions.

And, even though it was a big decision to move in together, you’d felt that it was right. You’d felt that this house was the right house for you.

Now, here you were! Not even a month later. Sitting in your new living room.

“It’s crazy, huh?” he murmured, breaking into your thoughts with his deep but quiet voice. “The fact that we’re here right now.”

You scooched a bit closer to him, cuddling up to him more than you already were. “Yeah, it’s so crazy. But I know it’s right.”

“Me, too,” he sighed, squeezing your shoulders and turning his head to kiss your forehead. “And I know I’m going to drive you crazy, but I really will try my best not to.”

“I know,” you chuckled. “And knowing that you’re trying your best is enough.”

“Yeah?”

“I mean, you’re still going to drive me crazy. There’s really nothing we can do about that.”

“No,” he agreed with a lopsided smile.

“But...” You tilted your head back to look up at him, your brow furrowed earnestly. “I’ve lived with you, and I’ve lived without you... and I realize now that living without you is a lot harder.”

“...We just moved in together, so technically, you really haven’t lived with me yet.”

“Stop being so annoying!” you laughed, pushing against him just hard enough to make him sway a little.

“Okay, okay, sorry,” he chuckled with a mischievous grin. “No, I know what you mean. And I agree, of course. Life with you is a million times better than life without you, even when you’re nagging me to pick up after myself.”

“And I just want to point out that I don’t like nagging you,” you declared.

The hand Junhoe had wrapped around your shoulder slid across your back and moved up to your neck, gently massaging you there as he murmured, “What if I said I kind of do?”

You quirked an eyebrow up at him. “...Excuse me?”

“I think it’s kind of sexy when you nag and get all riled up,” he smirked.

“You are so weird,” you laughed. And even though it felt so good to just be lazy on the couch, your urge to organize and put everything away was stronger than your exhaustion. So, you swung your legs off Junhoe’s lap and pushed yourself off the couch so you could head back into the kitchen.

You heard your boyfriend let out a whining groan, but just a few seconds later, he followed you.

As much as he complained about and resisted keeping things neat and tidy, you were pretty sure he secretly enjoyed it. Or maybe he just secretly enjoyed you telling him what to do, like he’d just told you on the couch.

Either way, it worked out in your favor.

It only took a couple of minutes for the two of you to work out an unpacking system -- at least when it came to your mugs, glasses, and dishes: Junhoe would unwrap them, and you would put them away.

About ten minutes into your two-person assembly line, Junhoe handed you a bowl with a very thoughtful expression on his face.

“What’s up?” you asked, taking the bowl but waiting before you turned to put it in the cabinet.

“I was just thinking... the house is great, and you are great, but I don’t think it’ll actually feel like home until our pets are here.”

“Oh, absolutely,” you agreed without hesitation. Things would feel more normal once Harry was sleeping on your pillow at night.

“Do you think they’ll ever get along, though?”

The two of you had tried to introduce your pets to each other, but Junhoe’s dog had always been far too playful for Harry’s liking.

“I... highly doubt that,” you chuckled. “But Harry’s pretty good about keeping to himself, so I think they can at least get used to each other.”

Junhoe frowned in thought, but then he nodded. “Yeah, probably. And, hey. You never know.”

“You never know what?” you asked as you stood on your toes to put the bowl away.

“Just because they’re opposites doesn’t mean they’re doomed to hate each other. If my dog just learned to listen to your cat, and they both worked together to grow with each other... things could totally work out.”

A smile sprang to your lips, and you turned around to face him, leaning against the kitchen counter.

“That is so true,” you replied. “If we can make it work then anyone can make it work.”

And, you had to be honest, you were more excited than you’d ever been to make it work. To keep making it work. Forever. For the rest of your lives.

#kwritersworldnet #junhoe scenarios #junhoe imagines #junhoe au #junhoe fluff #junhoe fanfic #ikon scenarios #ikon imagines #ikon au #ikon fluff #ikon fanfic #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop au #kpop fluff #kpop fanfic #ikon #junhoe #koo junhoe

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sierrabinondo · 3 years

Text

2020

damn my last tumblr post is the last day of woodland creatures, did i not do a 2019 wrap up?? i feel like i did. oh well lmao

so, arguably the most tumultuous year in modern history (at least, american history- all pandemic and political events considered) is about to come to a close. it was very not fun experiencing a pandemic as millions lost their loved ones to covid. i was part of the 20% of people that became unemployed as a result of the economy taking a huge dump. i would not want to experience this same year again if it meant that every life lost could be saved. with the year i was given, i made the best out of it that i could.

like every other person on this earth (except for where the virus was already spreading), this year started out normal as hell for me. i was hating my job but chugging through each week, with the occasional show to worry about and then planning our band’s 2020 release plans. despite my salaried job, i was barely making enough to put anything away in savings, forthcoming disney trip aside. i really felt like i was putting in all this work at a full time job just to barely stay afloat and it grated at my soul. i don’t dream of labor, and i only take jobs like this because nothing i am passionate about truly makes money and the marketing jobs i would actually care about are never available to me/never come to fruition after submitting myself for consideration.

disney was a huge highlight of my year despite being deathly sick. i keep wondering if i had covid (i never figured it out), but it sure as hell felt like it. i feel like if i did have it i would have passed it on to jeremiah and his family but i didn’t. i could still kinda taste, but not smell because i had the worst sinus infection i ever had in my entire fucking life. like i know i get them a lot but really, holy shit. i really had it bad. it started when we were in the studio the 2nd to last weekend of february on the last studio day. i had to go back to the studio several months later because i was that unsatisfied with how the vocals came out. i didn’t want to fuck up these releases and have my performance be mid so i was willing to pay to have to re-do everything. i assumed if this was like any other sinus infection, it would go away in a week.

lmao.

i had that infection for THREE WHOLE FUCKING WEEKS. i played a show with that monster sinus infection, and went to disney with it. i went two weeks without meds because i really was convinced it would go away on its own. before we left for disney i finally got antibiotics at urgent care and couldn’t drink most of the trip which sucked. but that finally did the job, and the infection waned when we returned from disney. despite being physically weak, in pain (there was one friday my body pains were so horrible that jeremiah contemplated taking me to the hospital), and leaking snot all over my sleeves the entire trip (LIKE IT WAS THAT UNCONTROLLABLE. I HAD NEVER GONE THROUGH THAT MANY PACKS OF TISSUES IN MY LIFE. I WAS LEAKING SO MUCH I HAD TO LOCATE THE BABY CHANGING STATION IN MAGIC KINGDOM. IT WAS LIKE A SECRET STERILIZED TROVE OF HAND SANITIZER, WIPES, TISSUES AND BABY OIL.) i had an amazing time at disney. and it was my first time going with a significant other so it was incredibly fun. it was also a wonderful opportunity to spend time with his family. the only very not fun part was missing our nephew in the main street parade because some bozos fucked up the info they gave my sister-in-law and we were out walking around when his high school band had actually marched earlier than we thought.

it’s funny, because that weekend after we returned was the last weekend of “freedom” everyone had before lockdown. we were weary of covid while in florida but still living it up on vacation. at that time, there had only been 3 cases in orlando. 3!!!! i had plans to go to a party once home but i cancelled only because i still wasn’t completely out of the woods and 100% well again. i felt so bad cancelling because it was for my friend’s party and she never really did parties usually :( and i thought it wouldn’t be a good idea considering i may or may not have had covid.

then... the following week came.

monday we got a weird email from our CEO saying there was going to be salary cuts and that it was essential for the company to survive a downturn. i pouted but my parents consoled me saying it was better than nothing; maybe look for a new job. and then- i got the nothing! a day or two later, i was let go. and i could tell my manager was absolutely not souped to be giving me this call at all. she literally prefaced it like, “this sucks, but-” and gave me the news. and i was utterly devastated, sobbing controllably, because i was just scraping by on this income to begin with. and i had JUST, finally, received health insurance through this job. i was asked to continue working through friday the 20th, which i would be paid for, and then i would have to return my laptop and any other work materials (like printouts and promo stuff) i had possession of.

that day and the days following i had coworkers calling me or emailing me telling me they were so sorry. i was the first to be let go, and they were kind enough to extend words of encouragement to me. clients i worked closely with, a couple of them around my age, assured me that i could use them as a reference. many of my colleagues were my higher-ups, but were very down-to-earth people. one call that stuck out to me was from my colleague sarah.

sarah was candid with me and said, “y’know how i was unemployed for 6 months?” i knew this well though we had only worked together for a year and a half; it was an important part of her path to where she was in her career now and why she chose it. she continued, “those were the best 6 months of my life.”

and i would come to find out that yes, me too being unemployed was the best fucking time of my entire goddamn adult life.

when i posted i was officially unemployed i had an outpouring of support from my friends, and received enough animal crossing commissions to pay one month’s rent. the first day i finally felt peace was when i was sitting on my porch on an abnormally warm march day playing animal crossing following my last day at my company. it was like the universe was giving me a hug and telling me everything was going to be all right.

what would come was a pretty chaotic couple of months. jeremiah, my roommate and i would stay up until 3 am either watching anime or playing video games, subsequently sleeping until 11 am or noon. pair having fun, drinking (mostly me lmao) and lounging about with the scary realization that thousands of people every day were dying of covid and it could be my high-risk parents. i would cry at night and be so fucking scared. my sibling would tell me my family was being reckless, running unnecessary errands, and whenever my dad showed up to drop off food or necessities i would cry because i couldn’t hug him. i’m even getting choked up thinking about it now. and it was a fear that returned during the second spike around the holidays because it is the loss i fear the most.

amidst this really horrible time, i would play games almost every other night online with my friends and it was so much fucking fun because all of us were either unemployed, furloughed or working from home. we’d laugh so goddamn hard our voices were hoarse. one of my favorite memories is playing quiplash with the creatureposting gang and then my big friends from college. and a really fun night in particular was SIIE release night, i popped a bottle of champagne and got absoluely zonked lmao. every few days i would have something to look forward to, some sort of virtual plans with my friends. this would continue until july when my friends were slowly starting to go back to work.

most of my early quarantine days were as follows: wake up, watch anime, work on commissions for most of the day, order extremely good food for delivery, play video games, and then bed. at one point commissions became so overwhelming i started to get slower at churning them out. though this became a daunting project, WOW it really forced me to become a better artist. and this year i got to spend so much more time drawing, which was fantastic.

one thing i DID NOT spend a lot of time on at all? ugh. MUSIC. FUCKING MUSIC. i barely touched my guitar, stopped writing lyrics after july, and barely completed the instrumentals for about 3 songs. the only thing i consistently practiced was singing (because i would literally curl up and die if i didn’t). do you have any idea how much i blabbed to my therapist in 2019 about how much i would get done if i didn’t work full time and could just focus on my creative endeavors? and then life HANDED that shit to me on a silver platter the following year. i really did nothing insane musically with my time. and now i am really kicking myself for it. if i think about it, it was mostly because i was so exhausted from doing AC commissions, and partly because i was really intimidated about the prospect of struggling through songwriting. now i really wish that i had tried.

one thing i started doing this year was streaming. i originally planned to just do it for fun, because i am horrible at video games and i really didn’t expect much out of it. i thought it would be cool if my friends could watch me play animal crossing. and then i unfortunately learned that this 3rd expensive pasttime is actually really, really, really fun. i started to spend half my week streaming and it led me to either getting closer to some online friends i only talked to a lil previously and making new friends. viewers would ask me if i continue to stream after the pandemic was over, and i enthusiastically assured them i would. and i meant it. even with the difficulties of returning to work and the band playing shows again considered, i really wanted to. i don’t get invited to things anymore anyway, so fuck it if that’s what i stand to lose lmao.

when the curve flattened in jersey i decided to become lenient again and start meeting with my bandmates. we spent the year trying to finish some new material and chip away at what work we have to do for the full length (yes, a full length). we had plans to tour this year and it sucks that fell through. we also had plans to do so much more content during the pandemic and we faltered under the stress of... well, existing in a pandemic. we did finally get to drop a new single though, and the difference in hype now vs when we dropped our last work was incredible. i am so thankful we were able to build an audience with nothing new for two years. i still often beat myself up because god every day i look around me, at our peers, and wonder where the fuck we’ve gone wrong to have such a slow build. and even daily just trying to stand out and prove that we have cut our teeth/deserve a chance is so demoralizing. i feel like it’s even worse than before. i literally have to talk to myself out loud, both alone and during interviews lmao, to remind myself that we truly have accomplished so much. and to take in and appreciate the little positive things. because this could all be over in a second. and this won’t be forever. the older we get the more we are risking for this, both time and resources, and it won’t do to let myself get bogged down over my inner competitive voice. but god it’s hard. like even with new music we still didn’t even TOUCH any of the goal numbers we set for ourselves in may. though we did put out less music than we had planned, and we really hope to change that in 2021 forreal.

there was a single we were supposed to put out this year that’s on hold due to some pending assets but goddamn. if we really don’t break some sort of ceiling with this one i don’t know what will. i have the strongest gut feeling about the next single and in my opinion, it’s the best one we’ve had to date. when we play it at shows, the air in the room sometimes shifts. i’m eager to see what the response is and i’m so ready to push it with everything i have.

fuck this is getting so much longer than i planned i have to try to wrap this up lmao.

with our government stimmy money we turned around and got the dog of our dreams. we figured, i’d be home enough to watch him, and it was finally goddamn time. it’s why we moved into a house and not into another apartment. i was so scared meeting the puppy parents, and totally on edge the entire day. we went out to meet the breeder to test my allergies and see how i would react. samoyeds are not 100% perfectly hypoallergenic, but they were often lauded for being so. honestly? i still didn’t feel confident after two hours with the dogs because the pollen out there was bad (one of my WORST allergies) and i had mysterious hives on my arms i couldn’t figure out where they came from. for months jeremiah and my parents had to calm my nerves and remind me i lived with 3 cats before i moved out (i’m more allergic to cats) and that i would be fine. i had to do a lot of work on myself to get out of my own way about being excited about finally owning the dog of my dreams.

this little fucking boy. i couldn’t believe he was real. neither in the pictures i often looked at about 20 times a day on the breeder’s facebook page nor when we went to meet him. and he was truly, truly perfect. our little shithead. when we went to go pick him out, he sat apart from his puppy pile of brothers, sniffing around the room and trying to rip off his ribbon collar. we locked eyes and he fuCKING APPROACHED ME. i could not fathom any other puppy in the room being brawly. this was the one. we could already tell he was a mischevious smartass, because once he untied his ribbon he proceeded to rip off the ribbons of all the other puppies. but he was the cutest, flopping over on his back when you were near to get belly rubs.

ever since we have picked him up he has simultaneously been the biggest joy in our lives and the most source of stress lmao. that first week, and the next couple, werE FUCKING ROUGH. i had a horrible anxiety attack when i couldn’t calm him for bedtime the first saturday he was home and i was loudly sobbing to jeremiah that i couldn’t handle this shit lmao. he was so scared i was having regrets but i am just a fucking anxious wreck and not used to having a DOG!! this is my first dog!!! but while i can remember what life was like before him i cannot imagine going back. the first time he got sick and we took him to the emergency vet i cried so hard. when he is wagging his tail happy to see me and he looks like a fuckin seal because his ears are folded back it is the best feeling. i’m so excited for when he gets older and we’re vaccinated for covid so that we can take him on so many adventures. he is truly the best.

there is so much more i want to say but this is long as shit. this is even painful for me to read lmao. it’s always been for me, a guy with dogshit memory, to remember everything, but so, so much happened. so i’m gonna wrap up the real descriptive stuff with this.

being unemployed allowed me to just experience life. to wake up each day, enjoy the sun in my backyard, have time to try new recipes, go for long walks, GET A DOG, get better at art, get better at singing, spend more time with friends (virtually), bond even harder with my amazing, beautiful boyfriend, create amazing work with my bandmates, improve at video games, connect with people all over the world, and so much more. all my life i let money dictate my every move. i am insanely privileged to have experienced this but when i had to just live within my means off unemployment i did just fine. i once believed i was perpetually indebted to my employer when i was discarded like it was nothing. i can get a job anywhere and be fine. it strengthened my class consciousness and while i have control over my own destiny it is our country that has so royally screwed us of living the lives we should be living. our lives do not revolve around labor. so until we win the fight and get what we deserve, i will be returning to work next month (full time... in commercial real estate.... again), but i will do whatever it takes to replicate the everlasting feeling of joy i felt this year for the rest of my godforsaken life. if that means struggling for 2021 to build up my twitch channel and the band, working 9 hour days and then streaming/writing music for another 4, so be it. i felt from a young age i was not destined to live a normal life and that feeling has stayed with me no matter how much i have tried to play the game of life as i have been told. i finally have the confidence to pave the life i want.

so, if you are here at this very spot because you read everything, thank you. if you are here because you scrolled to see how long this was, here’s the TLDR of my best parts of 2020:

- tapping out cover

- the 2 shows we played lmao, maybe 3 tops

- disneyworld

- ACNH outside on the porch on release day in warm weather

- making banana bread

- learning how to BRINE meats

- watching anime until 3 am, namely the time we watched pokemon journeys until 3 am

-watching so. much. anime.

-watching livestream concerts with my friends (the chon one was a real good time)

-playing jackbox with my creatureposting friends, the volcano saga (if u know u know)

-playing jackbox with my big friends

-the first time we ever had panchos and juanchos

-finally having sushi again after painful cravings and being grumpy

-the first time we had chinese food again after the lockdown began

-hitting the punching bag for the first time in forever (my dad bought me one)

-the first time we had ramen in forever

-surprising joe with cake at his doorstep for his birthday (we thought he would be the only one with a pandemic birthday lmao)

-playing monopoly and wheel of fortune on the switch, surprisingly having fun

-jeremiah’s birthday

-getting PAID for my ART

-writing + recording ONE (1) acoustic demo

-finally finishing the singles, fixing the vocals

-shooting band promos

-unus annus

-meeting samoyeds

-meeting BRAWLY

-streaming except for the times 13 year olds cyberbullied me

-my birthday when my mom got me a terrifying singing birthday candle contraption and my sibling curbstomped the shit out of it (i was literally crying laughing like that kind of noiseless laugh cause you’re laughing that hard)

- getting the stamp of approval from andrew wells and anthony green

-my friends having their first baby!!!

-dying from thanksgiving charceuterie board

-that week i binged ghibli movies on an hbo max trial and did nothing else

-filling the front porch with plants and most of them SURVIVING the fall, possibly winter but we’ll see in 2021 lmao

- (in general) nailing riffs i fucking sing over and over when practicing but prob won’t get down good enough to sing in front of others lmao

-solo inflatable pool hangs

-thursdays with sarah in the fall playing with the puppy

-the release of the first WSA single in two and a half years

-virtual movie night with sarah watching happiest season

-the music video shoots

-brawly experiencing CHRISTMAS

-receiving really thoughtful gifts from jerry and my parents

-deciding i would work towards being a full time streamer to supplement being a musician

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ourrightside · 4 years

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How To Be Productive Online

As the the world decides to dress herself with the most vibrant hues of red, yellow and brown, it dawns on me that the end is near.

Autumn is the season of change - there is a certain melancholy in the air. The sun sets faster, scary movies flood your Netflix suggestions and baristas asks if you’d like pumpkin spice flavored syrup pumps in your coffee.

Now before you dip your nose into your cabinet filled with musky Bath and Body Works candles, it is easy to forget that we are still living in a capitalist world where responsibilities are made to be full-filled.

With all the evil that’s happening in the world right now, it would honestly be so much easier for all of us to sit at home and forget our obligations by watching something less scarier than the outside world, an example being literally any horror movie on Netflix.

I will however, pass down my wisdom upon you and suggest a few things you could do to stay productive as a remote worker or student.

1. Stop Being A Slob

When the lockdown happened in spring and everything got cancelled, my structured life went to shit, mornings turned to nights and before I knew it summer was over. I am grateful to have been privileged enough to have lead a somewhat flexible lifestyle but I certainly did not use it to my advantage. Instead of doing the Chloe Ting exercises and being productive, I ended up packing up a lot of weight by stuffing caramel popcorn down my throat till 5 am and losing my life’s purpose.

The first step for me was changing out of my pjs every morning and doing my bed. When I decided to stop being or at least feeling like a slob, I was encouraged to do the next step.

2. Set Up Your Routine

Despite coming off as free spirited and sporadic, believe it or not - I have a morning routine. At first, I refused to be confined to a routine, as silly as that sounds. I hated the idea of conforming to any sort of time-framed regime until I caved into its benefits, which in turn allowed me to do whatever I wanted to do with my time later. So, what is setting up a morning routine? It depends. For me, my routine consists of waking up everyday at a similar time frame, drinking some water, working out, having a healthy breakfast and finishing up whatever I prioritized to do so before 3 pm.

3. Organize Yourself

Take a few minutes once a week to look over any deadlines coming up. Clean up your environment, clear your desk from any useless papers laying around and maybe start working on your assignments in advance. Make sure to set a plan of attack for everything and that includes allowing yourself to not lose sight of tasks you truly enjoy.

4. Breakdown Your Priorities

Write down what you’d like to do today and try distinguishing when based on specific time slots. Rank your tasks in order from highest to lowest priority. A good tip would be to knock down the hardest of tasks in the beginning of your day so you don’t procrastinate at night.

5. Get a Planner

This is not my shopping addiction forcing you to go down the rabbit hole with me. I think buying a planner is important because it gives you a safe space to lay down your tasks in a systematic order. You don’t need to waste your time figuring out how to organize how you write down your tasks. Buying a good planner makes you plan ahead your deadlines, upcoming readings and quizzes. But the perfect planner lets you keep track of your personal life and hobbies in order to balance out everything.

6. Participate

Active participation is vital for online meetings or classes. Speaking up allows you to become a familiar name in a virtual setting and most importantly helps you not fall asleep in the middle of your zoom session. Personally, I felt a boost of confidence ever since I allowed myself to participate in online sessions.

7. Reward Yourself

We tend to rest the second we feel physically exhausted, but I believe mental health is just as important. And no, do not skip your classes and ditch your homework. Instead, try the 50/10 rule: take a 10 minute break every 50 minutes of work to speed up your productivity. Remote online work/school can be very tiring and almost detrimental to your mental capacity and productivity levels when you don’t optimize your time. The lack of distinction between work and school environment may be draining. Since our responsibilities are usually handled online, try to step away from electronic devices.

Not to mention that looking at a computer for hours on end can make your brain hurt. So put your phone away, go for a short walk or coffee run, and just recharge for your next online class/meeting.

8. Just Plain Effort

Despite the virtual setting, responsibilities are still just as important. Do not get things twisted - synchronous meetings are still meetings. You just need to put the same amount of time, effort and dedication to online work even though it does not feel necessarily real. Unfortunately, I cannot tell you what works for you because I honestly don’t know your medium or better yet, your sweet spot, however; part of the process is figuring it out.

(@yasminasayyid)

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trashfor-imagines · 4 years

Text

If There’s Light There’s Hope | 2

Bakugou x Fem!Reader (BNHA)

Summary: U.A. High School was your dream. You wanted to save people. You never expected how wild your journey would be and you certainly never expected a hot headed boy to play as large of a role as he would. Warnings: Swearing

[1] | [2] | [3] | [4] | [5] | [6] | [7]

Despite improving your relationships with most of the class, you still found yourself sitting alone at the back of the bus, heading to who knows where for training camp. Putting in your headphones, you drowned out the loud noises of your classmates, Iida being the loudest out of them all. It was definitely the longest hour of your life before you all got out to stretch.

The next thing you knew, there was a landslide caused by one of the Pussycats and you were careening off the side of the cliff. Using your quirk, you did your best to soften the blow of hitting the ground. When the first giant monster appeared, you decided that Todoroki would be the best person to stick with incase the class got separated. The forest was pretty dark so your quirk wouldn’t be very strong unless you found a bright clearing. You were quick on your feet, keeping up with your classmates easily and staying on Todoroki’s heels. It was pure relief when you finally made it to camp. When Bakugou started yelling at Todoroki for what seemed like the thirtieth time that day, you decided to remove yourself from the situation and get your things to go inside.

“What a hot head,” you made sure to comment loud enough for Bakugou to hear. You ignored him as he turned his attention to you, yelling at your departing form to come back and say it to his face.

Aizawa gave a few instructions before everyone was dismissed.

After dinner, you were one of the first to finish, quickly heading off to shower and enjoy the hot springs a bit before squeezing in some studying. Some of the girls joined you and Iida’s sudden yelling from over the wall interrupted your peace so you excused yourself for the evening.

The next morning, bright and early, you suited up in your school’s gym uniform. Aizawa gave a speech about how this training would help you get your provisional licenses. Tossing a ball you recognized over to Bakugou, Aizawa told him throw it.

He made some comments about how it was no problem and no one had better blink before throw as hard as he could, yelling “Go to hell!” He went from 705.2 meters to 709.6 meters and seemed to be shook to the core about his results.

“He’s not that impressive,” you muttered, arms crossed. When Aizawa had given you the quirk evaluation tests your second day of joining 1-A, it was just before lunchtime and the sun was high, meaning you had a lot of energy you could use to power your quirk; you hit 805 meters (1/2 American mile).

Your training for the day consisted of absorbing as much sunlight as possible and sending out explosions until you were out of collected energy. Aizawa had you wear a monitor to your arm so you could stop yourself from getting heat exhaustion or possibly even heat stroke. It happened to you once as a kid. It was New Years Eve and you were with kids from your neighborhood. You were showing off, got heat stroke, and had to be taken to the hospital. You remembered waking up the next day to your mother crying and swore you never wanted to make her cry again.

At one point during training you felt yourself beginning to sway and feeling quite dizzy. Heat exhaustion. Glancing over to Todoroki, you saw he had taken a short break from going hot and cold.

“Todo...Todoroki,” you spoke breathily as you carefully made your way over to him. Your face was flushed and it was obvious something was wrong with you. Gripping the edge of the metal barrel of water he was in, you gave him a faint smile. “Could you use your ice quirk on me? My body’s starting to over heat.”

The sudden cooling sensation of his hand on your cheek spread throughout your body, causing you to close your eyes in relief. You didn’t bother opening them when someone approached.

“Something wrong (Y/N)?”

“Nothing that Todoroki’s quirk can’t fix, Mr. Aizawa. I was starting to overheat,” you admitted. Opening your eyes slightly, you caught a glimpse of Bakugou staring at you. When he realized you noticed, he angrily cried out, going back to dipping his hands in water and setting off explosions.

What a weirdo.

Training came to an end a few hours later and it was dinner time; the Pussycats happily reminded you all to fend for yourselves and make curry. You assisted in lighting the fire stoves and cutting vegetables. Too many cooks in the kitchen wasn’t helpful so you went off to shower and rest your sore arms. You sort of wished you hadn’t left the cooking up to the others, silently agreeing with Kaminari and Kirishima that it tasted terrible.

The next day consisted of the same type of training and you were glad when it was over. You showered and changed into some high waisted leggings and a cute cropped top, an oversized windbreaker tied around your waist in case it got cold out, before heading outside to help with dinner. You were stuck cutting vegetables with Bakugou and Uraraka who at some point managed to set the hot head off.

“Stop getting so worked up, she didn’t mean anything by it,” you commented, keeping your cool. He turned his wrath on you, growling loudly but saying nothing. You could almost see and feel the steam coming out of his ears.

After dinner, you wandered around before finding yourself outside just before the 1-A vs 1-B competition. You were ready to have some fun, but after getting to know those Pussycats, you knew there’d be some sort of twist.

It was so quiet and different from living in the city; the stars were bright out here. It was perfect. Reaching out a hand toward the moon, you grasped at seemingly nothing. Your hand glowed as if you were holding a star before making a motion as if you were tossing something in the air. Several small explosions went off like fireworks in the sky, bringing a smile to your face. A sudden set of footsteps interrupted your moment.

Turning, it was a surprise for you to see Bakugou standing there, staring you down. You said nothing, returning his gaze, the last of your quirk display illuminating his face for a few brief moments. Soon enough you were both standing in darkness. What did he want?

“We’re starting to gather on the other side of the building,” he spoke flatly and looking completely disinterested.

Raising a brow you walked up to him. “What’s your problem? Do you hate me or something? You’ve been a jerk since the day I joined 1-A.”

He glared in response before looking away quickly. “Hate you? I don’t even care about you. Besides, you’re the one who said you were going to beat me.” You stuck your face closer to his, causing him to stumble back in surprise and yell at you, “What are you doing, psycho?! Who does that?!”

Paying his words no mind, you grabbed the front of his shirt to keep him from backing away. “Saying I’m going to beat you doesn’t mean I hate you and you were certainly rude to me before I even said it.” You let go of his shirt before continuing, “I just want a fair fight against you to prove I’m better. Being pushed out of bounds isn’t something that can happen in the real world. I refuse to believe I lost to you fairly at the sports festival.”

He stood there quietly, observing you. He wore the same expression that you saw during yesterday’s training when you asked Todoroki to cool you down. Whatever it was, something snapped him out of it and he grabbed your wrist, pulling you along for a few steps before letting go. “C’mon, they’re probably waiting on us by now.”

Following behind him, you wondered what his problem was. How could someone so young be such an old grump?

The Pussycats explained the rules of the competition. It was basically a haunted house, but in the woods. At the mention of pairs, you suddenly felt uncomfortable. You were usually the last one left and Aizawa would either pair up with you or assign you to be a third wheel, both options equally embarrassing. Midoriya suddenly made a comment about how five of your classmates had extra lessons and some relief washed over you. Drawing your number you sighed, wishing you could just be alone instead. You were stuck with Midoriya and he seemed to be the most easily spooked - aside from Mineta that is. Well, at least it wasn’t Mineta.

You and Midoriya were one of the last few waiting to go when suddenly the game was interrupted by the League of Villains. Trying not to panic, you reminded yourself that 1-A fought them before. They could probably do it again, right? There wasn’t much of a strong light source. What to do? What to do?!

It took Iida tugging on your wrist for you to get moving. The other students though! You had to find them. Ripping your arm from his grasp, you dodged your classmates, running into the forest. You held your breath as best as you could, running into Yaoyarozu first who quickly threw a mask your way, yelling at you to return to camp. You couldn’t though. Not until you knew everyone was okay and all on their way back. Cutting through some trees, you emerged from the path right in front of Todoroki, who was carrying a 1-B student, and Bakugou.

“You guys are ok... You have to head back to camp,” you expressed.

“Don’t tell me what to do.” Bakugou managed to somehow stay stubborn as hell.

Todoroki shook his head. “I’m worried about the others still in the forest.”

“So am I. There are multiple villains fighting the Pussycats.”

“Lets stick together (Y/N). There’s no telling how many are out here,” Todoroki spoke calmly.

You glanced at Bakugou, noticing how he was covering his face with his hand. Worried, you took your mask off, offering it to him. “Here, Bakugou.”

He glared and shoved it back over your head. “Don’t be an idiot! I don’t need it.”

It didn’t take long for you guys to come across a villain. Seeing the figure in black hovering over an arm made you freeze up. As the villain turned around, you managed to move again, instinctively shifting closer to Bakugou. There was no way you were prepared for this with only a few gym classes under your belt. As you mentally panicked, trying to psyche yourself up for this encounter, you barely registered what happened next before Mandalay’s voice echoed through your head and Bakugou’s growl reached your ears as he argued with Todoroki who created a large ice formation to block all of you from the villain.

Suddenly, Shouji appeared with Midoriya on his back, yelling for everyone to get out of the way. Tokoyami’s Dark Shadow blazed through, attacking the villain and taking him out.

“I need some light, Todoroki! Please!” you suddenly called out. Instantly, fire appeared and you reached out, absorbing as much energy as possible from the light source, before punching forward with all you could, sending a series of bright explosions Dark Shadow’s way, weakening it.

Breathing, a bit labored from the adrenaline coursing through you, a hint of a smile managed to make its way to your face. Tokoyami was safe again; you all were, for now. After giving your classmate some brief comfort, the six of you formed a plan to keep Bakugou safe, obviously pissing him off. He growled out his hate for the situation.

“Just ignore him,” Todoroki muttered to you.

Glancing at the hot tempered boy, you couldn’t help but worry a little. As you all walked along, you slowly drifted closer to him. It wasn’t until your arms brushed that you realized you’d gotten so close. As you were about to apologize, you stumbled across Uraraka and Asui. The boys shared the plan with the two girls.

“Well shouldn’t he be with you if you’re protecting him?” It wasn’t until Asui’s comment did any of you realize Bakugou was gone.

A voice from above made your blood run cold. It looked like the villain had captured Bakugou inside of a marble. Panic once again creeped its way up, faster than before. Todoroki’s hand on your arm brought some comfort. Bakugou had been right there. You touched only seconds ago. Now...

Todoroki stomped his foot, shooting a wave of ice at the villain who dodged.

“We merely want to show him there’s more than just being a hero. He should choose a path that more aligns with his core values after all,” the villain’s voice spoke clearly, very charismatic for the situation.

“It’s not just Bakugou; Tokoyami’s gone too!” Shouji exclaimed.

“Taking Tokoyami was a bit of improve on my part. If you had taken any longer to notice, I’d have taken her too,” he exclaimed happily, pointing right at you.

Paling, you felt your stomach turn at the declaration and it was like your senses had suddenly stopped working. What brought you out of your stupor was Todoroki running forward, attacking with another wave of ice.

“They’re going to take them; our friends!”

“They can’t!”

With that, the group ran after them. Catching up to Todoroki, you looked at him, hesitation clearly on your face. His voice was calm, “What is it, (Y/N)?”

“I feel like I’ll hold you all back. I can’t seem to stop freezing up,” you admitted.

“If we’re going to save our friends, we need you too.” It was a simple statement, but something about the way he said it seemed to shake some sense into you. You were reminded of his encouragement during your internships at Endeavor’s agency. Whenever you were stressed or worried about disappointing Endeavor, he always had something simple to say that made you feel better.

Midoriya quickly came up with a plan for a human slingshot. You clung onto Shouji’s back as you, Shouji, Midoriya, and Todoroki slung forward, smacking into the villain and landing directly in front of the villains with a loud crash. Slightly off balance, you stumbled a couple of steps, unsure if you could support yourself after that ride. Looking up, you locked eyes with icy blues.

Suddenly, hot blue flames flew at you and instinctively you dodged to the right, Todoroki beside you. With quick thinking, you absorbed as much energy from the blue flames as possible while Todoroki threw off the incoming villain in black with an ice attack. You threw in a few explosions, trying to manage the energy you had picked up. It was obvious this fight wasn’t going to be quick so you had to make it last.

“(Y/N), Midoriya, Todoroki, we’re done.” Shouji flashed you all two blue marbles in his hand. Quickly, the four of you took off, retreating, but a black shadow suddenly appeared, stopping you in your tracks.

“This guy was at the U.S.J.”

“The warp villain!”

Your brows furrowed with anxiety. Those descriptors did nothing for you to understand what was about to happen.

“We’re not leaving, not without the kid.” The man with icy blue eyes stated.

The other villain dismissed him, removing his mask. “If I’m flaunting something shiny, then there’s something else I don’t want you to see.”

On his tongue sat two marbles and you felt your heart seize. A sudden beam of light from the bushes brought you back to reality as the villain dropped the marbles, Shouji capturing one of them, while the other was snatched out of Todoroki’s reach. Bakugou appeared instantly, the villain’s hand around his neck. Midoriya ran forward and suddenly you felt yourself racing toward the boy as well.

“Bakugou, please!” you cried out, hand reaching forward.

“Deku... (Y/N)... Stay back.”

You were too late and he was gone. Collapsing beside Todoroki, you cried in frustration. Arms wrapped around you and you completely checked out. It wasn’t until later someone mentioned Todoroki had carried you back to camp. You mindlessly wrote a note on your hand to thank him later. Your mind had gone blank and for a while you weren’t sure if you had any thoughts. Occasionally a snippet would flash across your mind.

This is what 1-A’s been dealing with.

I was a burden the whole time.

Nothing I did even mattered.

Why am I even here?

They’re so strong.

I had no idea.

I’m weak.

Why?

Home was silent. Your parents were unsure of how to be there for you and didn’t try forcing you to talk. You had been added to the class’s group chat. There was some sort of a support system there. Most of the time, you just laid in bed and scrolled through the notifications, or listened silently to the news playing loudly from the living room. The attack was all that was being reported. Most of the time you found yourself staring at Bakugou’s picture for hours, no real thoughts running through your mind. Your best friend, Hitoshi, couldn’t even snap you out of it. You begged for him to use his quirk on you, to tell you to get over this brokenness you felt, and he bluntly refused.

“If you don’t overcome this on your own, what are you doing in the Hero Department anyway.”

At night you’d leave the house while your parents slept, heading to the 7-Eleven for a rice ball and a Plus Ultra Calpis. You’d walk around aimlessly for a few hours, taking in the city lights. So many people seemed unaffected by the recent events. It filled you with sorrow and anger.

It wasn’t until you received a text two days after the incident, separate from the group chat, did you finally get up and make yourself presentable. Locking your bedroom door, you snuck out through the window and headed into the city. Todoroki hadn’t seen you respond in the group chat about visiting Midoriya. He wanted to make sure you came and met you at the train station so you could go together.

At the hospital, you silently stood behind Todoroki, listening to everyone speak. It wasn’t until Todoroki mentioned Bakugou’s name did you utter a sound. A small sob. Leaning forward, you rested your forehead against Todoroki’s stiff back, shutting your eyes tightly to block out Ashido’s reprimand.

“...and since I failed, now he’s gone.”

“Alright then lets go get him.” You raised your head, looking to Kirishima. Did he really just say that? You didn’t need to hear more. You were in and decided to rest at home before meeting up again.

Todoroki picked you up at the same train station by your house at sunset. It was a short ride back to the hospital that night. Yaoyarozu and Midoriya came and - after giving you a speech and throwing a blow at Midoriya’s face - surprisingly Iida joined as well, acting as your Watchman Babysitter.

Taking the train, the six of you headed to Camino Ward. Just two hours to go until you reached Yokohama. The six of you ended up outside of a Donki Oote department store and managed to get disguises. Purchasing a cute little top and shorts set and a cloth face mask, you were the first one ready to go.

“Hey Yaoyarozu, couldn’t you have just made these things to save money?” Todoroki brought up. She quickly spiraled into a speech about saving the economy.

You and Kirishima had the same thought. She just wanted to go shopping.

Glancing up a the neon business signs, you took note of where you were headed. That was when the large screen that was usually used for announcements caught your eye. The news was playing and the story featured Eraserhead, Vlad King, and the principal as they issued a public apology. Shaking your head, you motioned to the group to keep going. You couldn’t let the media and the crowd distract you.

Upon arriving to the target location you observed the outside of the building, looking for cameras or any other devices that would alert the villains. It wasn’t until an incessant mutter finally broke through your thoughts did you look to see Midoriya, well, being Midoriya,

“You’ve probably never seen this before. This is peak Midoriya behavior,” Yaoyarozu explained. Uh...right.

After a few drunkards tried picking up Yaoyarozu, everyone slipped into the narrow alley between the buildings to try and get a peek inside, lifting Kirishima and Midoriya over the wall.

“T-There are Nomu!” Midoriya whispered just before a sudden powerful gust of wind blew, blowing you off your feet. Midoriya gave you a hand up.

Pro-Heros had shown up, meaning that we could go home according to Iida. A sudden powerful explosion froze you all in place behind the wall. You covered your eyes, terrified. It was only that familiar grumpy voice of Bakugou’s that brought you out of it. Next, it was like a pinprick feeling at the back of your neck. Snapping your eyes up to the skies, you caught a glimpse of All Might. The next thing you knew, there was a battle.

When Midoriya finally claimed to have a plan, you all listened carefully before setting it into motion. Sticking with Yaoyarozu and Todoroki, you moved when they did, quickly making off when Bakugou was safe. The three of you headed to the train station to meet up with the others, keeping your eyes on the large broadcast screens to watch All Might’s fight.

It was long and awful. All Might’s body looked deflated and destroyed. The sun was beginning to rise as cheers erupted throughout the crowd as All Might finally won, but it was clear to you that he was done. Now you had to make your way through the crowded streets and find the rest of your group.

Relief washed over you and tears sprung to your eyes when you saw him through the crowd. Balling your hands into fists, you did your best to restrain yourself before finally running at the hothead at full speed, throwing your arms around him. You buried your face into his neck, tears wetting his skin. He stood there, allowing you to hold onto him tightly. He made no move to return your embrace, but the fact he didn’t shove you away and blast your head off said enough.

“You idiot!”

#my hero academia #bnha #boku no hero academia #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugou #fanfic #imagine #reader insert

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everbecomesreal · 4 years

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It is midnight, I am still downstairs in the living room, I have normally been upstairs in my room for two hours by this point.

I am tired. I want to go to bed. I have done for an hour. I haven’t got out of my chair.

I did a total of around 90 minutes of work today, and that is better than most days in the past month.

I am really thirsty. I have wanted to get up, walk the 13 steps it would take to get myself a glass of water, I still haven’t moved.

Despite wanting to nearly every day, I haven’t showered or washed my hair in 10 days, when I’m not leaving the house I can’t get up the motivation.

I want to lose my lockdown weight (14lbs) and the depression weight gain from the 10 months before lockdown (30lbs). I need to lose at least some of this weight because I have a solo concert scheduled in 7 weeks and I don’t have a spare £100 to get a new concert dress.

I haven’t cut myself in four months this is a victory. I haven’t purged in 2 months, this is also a victory, before the relapse it was 2 years.

I spend the days, exhausted, bored, and haunted by things I need to do that send me into a paralysis of anxiety. My panic attacks don’t look like the ones on tv. I go very still, very quiet, I sometimes stop breathing but never hyperventilate. Sometimes tears come out, sometimes not, never sobs, I am excruciatingly aware of everything going on and everything I need to do but I cannot move. When I come out of them I tend to immediately distract myself with other thoughts. This is not helpful, I still haven’t completely the task, it means I will have another panic attack later.

I decided last night to do a 72 hour period with no desserts or hot chocolate to help reset my tastebuds and make it easier not to eat dessert four times a day. I still had a hot chocolate and a bowl of ice cream today, it is an improvement on most days last week but I still feel like a failure.

I have not spoken with any of my friends in 5 weeks. I will catch up with them soon, I do not have many friends but the ones I have understand.

This is what my depression looks like right now. This is what my anxiety looks like right now. Both are chronic, not situational. I have suffered from both for around 16 years.

There have been good periods where I manage them well. Regular exercise, good effective work ethic, healthy weight, eating and sleeping habits, regular social life. Let’s rate that a 1 on the scale of 1-10.

There have been extremely bad periods where I handle them very badly. These times usually include Suicide attempts as well as spending outrageous amounts of money on transient things like chocolate or flowers. Let’s call this a 10.

Right now I’m at a 6. I have a similar lack of motivation and ability to do things as an 8 or 9 but without the intrusive suicidal thoughts telling me to kill myself. (A ten is manic and dangerous with paranoid racing thoughts but I am only ever a danger to myself.)

Being a 6 is good news. It is an easier place to travel back from as I’m not actively suicidal or trying to hurt myself. It makes it easier to get better and climb back up to a level 1-3 functionality which is my aim.

Being at a 6 is also bad news because while I am really struggling, without the suicidal thoughts or self harming behaviour, I am near the bottom of the list for most help that would be available to me. Having been one of the severe cases that jumped the queue in the past I am perhaps too understanding of this, once at university I was offered a next day appointment at a counselling department with a six month wait list because I hadn’t eaten in 6 days. I know what it’s like to be more in need.

Depression looks different for many people. Anxiety looks different for many people. It rarely looks like it does in teen dramas for anyone. Often if you deal with an illness like this you will have to work harder to maintain a healthy life. I know I do.

If you feel bad for a consistent 14 days, that is the threshold for mild depression. Check in with yourself, journal, try to go somewhere with trees or for a walk or do something creative, rest and meet a friend, all of these are part of the treatment for depression.

Medication can help some people. If it doesn’t work for you it doesn’t mean your illness isn’t real or you’ve failed some kind of test. It does mean that the solution will be more challenging and interactive than is helpful. It will be a harder road to equilibrium.

Depression doesn’t make me a miserable person, it makes me an intense person, I feel everything, the joy and the sorrow more keenly and it only takes something small to change my mood. I am at my core a creative person, I work in drama and music and that creativity is essential to my soul. Last time I worked an office job for 6 months it destroyed my mental health so much I was hospitalised. Medication mutes the intensity I need to perform to my best capacity. I no longer take any. This is a personal decision.

I feel more alive and less burdened after writing this post. I am not sure I have ever been more honest about how I feel.

Please be kind to yourself, for some people that will be taking your medication, for others checking in with friends, or pulling back and having a weekend to yourself.

#depression #anxiety #bulimia #tw suicidal thoughts #mental health #honesty #personal post #honest thoughts #be kind

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darkpoisonouslove · 4 years

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30 Days of Fanfic (Days 1-10)

I saw this and thought it could be fun but since I was already a few days behind and a little all over the place, I decided to do them in batches of 10 questions. So here are the first ten days!

Day 1 - How did you get into fanfic?

- How did you first get into writing fanfic, and what was the first fandom you wrote for? What do you think it was about that fandom that pulled you in?

I don’t really remember how I got into fic anymore. It was my best friend that dragged me into it and I just... started reading?

The first fandom I wrote for was PJO. I have always loved Greek mythology so I just decided to... go for it. I never finished that fic, though (probably for the best as the ideas were awesome but the execution - not so much)

Day 2 - What fandoms have you written in?

- Name the fandoms you’ve written in, how much you’ve written in those fandoms, and if you still write in them.

That one isn’t so hard as I haven’t written in a lot of fandoms. Here are the ones that I have written in (in order of joining):

Once Upon a Time - 41 fanfics (I do have one collection that I need to finish in this fandom and tons of ideas but while I haven’t officially left the fandom and abandoned the fics, I am not really active there anymore. Which is a damn shame considering how many things I had planned for it. I don’t really feel the inspiration currently, though, but I haven’t given up on it completely.)

Fairy Tail - 8 fanfics (I mostly join any of the annual weeks for different ships in this fandom. I do have some ideas but I haven’t found the motivation for them yet. Even if a few of them were really cool and I loved them a lot.)

Winx Club - 86 fanfics (This one is my most active fandom currently. I do still write in it and I hope that will hold true for the foreseeable future as well.)

Lucifer - 1 fanfic (that was more of an experiment and I don’t really plan on writing more there)

Day 3 - Favorite characters?

- For each of the fandoms you have written in, what were/are your favorite characters to write? Why were these characters your favorite? (Can be main, side, established, or original!)

Um, okay. Let’s see.

Once Upon a Time - Regina Mills was my favorite character to write because I was mostly interested in her and I could see a lot of similarities between us. I wanted to explore more of her and her relationships with the other characters.

Fairy Tail - I don’t think I really had a favorite character to write here. They were all sort of... hard to get? And I haven’t written nearly enough of anyone to be able to pick a favorite.

Winx Club - I want to say Griffin but I think I might love writing Valtor just a tad bit more. At least at the moment. Maybe it is that he is more emotional and impulsive and I can get behind that and know how to write it? I also related a lot with some things about him and other times it is simply fun to write him when he is being an asshole. But there’s also a lot of emotional stuff to explore there. I don’t really know. I just love writing him.

Lucifer - Uhh... I only really wrote two characters from there and from them Chloe Decker was certainly the one that was easier so I chose to write my only fic from her PoV. I love the characters on the show but I don’t think I get them enough to write them that well yet so I am not pushing to do it.

Day 4 - Muse/special character?

- Do you have a ‘muse’ character(s), that speaks to you more than others, or that tries to push their way in, even when the fic isn’t about them? Who are they, and why did that character(s) became your muse? Are they a canon character or an OC?

Did I mention Valtor? Man, talk about trying to write something that he doesn’t sneak in. The few fics that I was actually focusing on other characters didn’t suffer from this but a fic that has Griffin inevitably brings out the need to at least mention Valtor in it as well. I have had to actively restrain myself from bringing him in a couple of times when I really wanted to write about anything else other than their relationship. I guess that is my muse. XD Not one of them separately but the two of them together. I am having all the feelings about them. Let’s leave it off here because I will get too many feelings otherwise.

Day 5 - Envisioning characters?

- Do you have techniques you use to help you visualise a character, such as picrews, faceclaims, moodboards, or fanart? Have you commissioned or created art to go with your fics, or provided references (picrews, faceclaims etc) for readers or yourself?

I am the worst at envisioning characters. I think it might be because I am trying to get in the mindset of the character so if I am in their head, I can’t see their appearance. (Maybe I should try writing with a mirror nearby. XD) I do make aesthetics but their purpose isn’t that much to help me envision the characters. I mostly avoid the envisioning part by focusing on emotional things and if I absolutely have to write descriptions, I try to keep it minimalistic. I have done sort of a picrew thing for my original characters but not for any fandom I’m in. A friend of mine made an illustration for one of my fics but it was after I wrote it and she actually used what I had managed to envision already to paint the thing. Envisioning characters is not my strength and I don’t even know how I function as a writer despite that.

Day 6 - Gender Preference?

- When you write, do you have a gender preference for your protagonist and/or the rest of the cast? Is it the same or different from your own gender? Do you feel your own gender is well represented, and how do you go about accurately portraying genders different from your own?

I couldn’t care less for the protagonist’s gender. I write the story from the PoV that is best for it. I try to focus on the personality of the character rather than on any other characteristics.

Day 7 - Fic affecting your view of a character?

- Have you ever had a fic you’ve written change your opinion of a character? Or has a fic you’ve read changed your opinion on a character?

Probably only... every fic I’ve ever written? I mean, as you write, your vision on the characters develops and, essentially, changes. There have certainly been fics that have made me reflect more or in a different way on an aspect of a character and have led me to change my view of that character in a way. It is kind of the point of being in a fandom and reading other people’s fics, I’d say.

Day 8 - OCs

- Do you write OCs? And if so, what do you do to make certain they’re not Mary Sues, and if not, explain your thoughts on OCs.

I only write OCs when the story demands it as it demands positions that the existing characters can’t fill for whatever reason. Or when the person has existed in canon but was never introduced on screen (as in someone’s parents that we never saw). I am not a fan of OCs because I go to fanfiction for the characters I already know and love. If I wanted completely new characters that I am unfamiliar with, I would turn to original fiction. I was fascinated with the characters I saw on the screen/in the book and I want to know more about them and the relationships between them. I am not interested in what OCs can be made in that world.

Day 9 - Favorite pairings and your comfort zone

- What are your favorite pairings to write in your fandoms? Have you ever gone outside your comfort zone and written a pairing you liked, but found you couldn’t write, or a pairing you didn’t like, and found you could?

I’m just gonna talk about Winx Club because it is my only truly active fandom.

Griffin x Valtor is my OTP. I love them to death and have so many ideas about them.

Now as for pairing that I like but can’t write, I don’t think I have ever encountered such. In this fandom at least. (Maybe in Lucifer Deckerstar is a bit too hard to nail.)

Pairing that I don’t like but can (kinda) write must be Icy x Valtor which I did write on request and that particular concept was actually very fun to work with. I wouldn’t say it has “converted“ me or something, however.

Generally, I stick to what I like. I might try my hand at writing a pairing that I am curious about but I don’t like to waste my time on ships I don’t like.

Day 10 - Writer's block and procrastination

- Have you ever experienced writer's block or an impeded ability to write? How do you tackle a loss of motivation or executive function, and/or how does procrastination hinder (or help) you?

I don’t really think I’ve had writer’s block once I started writing consistently and not once every two months. I have had certain ideas that needed more time to get ready for being written but I never really stopped writing. I have had days when I was too mentally exhausted to write but the solution to that was to just step away for a while and let my brain rest. The problem wasn’t truly in the writing so with some time to recharge my batteries, I was back on track.

I mostly force myself through loss of motivation telling myself that I have too many awesome ideas that I will never be able to write if I don’t just get to it. And I always work on what I am feeling like tackling right now. Even if it isn’t necessarily what I would’ve wanted to work on.

Executive dysfunction can be a bitch. It is hard to get past it and I don’t think I really know how I do it.

Procrastination is probably the hill I will die on because I am too nervous to get to the next one. I don’t really have a tried-and-true solution for it as I am usually aware that I am procrastinating and yet, I can’t stop doing it and make myself be productive. Usually what gets me to drop it and start working is the itch to write and the feeling that I will literally explode if I don’t write. So I think it is that the desire to just write something whatever that may be defeats the fear that it will suck and I finally manage to get to it. I am just too excited about my projects sometimes. XD

#30 days of fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #my writing #personal #about me #winx club #ouat

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filmmakersvision · 4 years

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Top 10 Hindi Performances of 2019

December 27, 2019

by Inakshi Chandra-Mohanty

1. Manoj Pahwa - Article 15

It is simple to play the good guy. When your thoughts align with the character’s moral compass, it isn’t too difficult to step into his/her shoes. But when playing an antagonist, it is impossible to blend into the character with the same seamless effort. In Article 15, Bhramadatt Sing, played by Manoj Pahwa, is the main antagonist. Not only is he a villainous character, he is also a realistic representation of a certain section of people who exist in society, people who take advantage of caste discrimination to commit crimes. In this case, Pahwa had to understand the character without allowing his own views to dilute it. With his performance, he manages to create a sense of appalled disbelief towards his character. There is no point at which his behavior and actions do not disgust the audience. Even before the character is revealed to be the main inciter of violence, his biased actions already predispose the audience to dislike him. Sing is that character that people want to believe doesn’t exist, but is in fact present all around. And Pahwa portrays this horrifying character with full sincerity.

2. Siddhant Chaturvedi - Gully Boy

Who knew that this young boy with no claim to fame except for a supporting role in a web series would become a sudden Internet sensation? When selected for the role of MC Sher in Gully Boy, Siddhant Chaturvedi probably had no idea his character would gain a cult following, superseding the film’s popularity. But Sher isn’t typical. The hero’s friend normally isn’t recognized, constantly living in the hero’s shadow. Sher, however, doesn’t let Murad dominate any of the scenes they have together, and Siddhant Chaturvedi’s performance supports this balance. He does not let himself get overwhelmed by his co-star, Ranveer Singh’s, 8 year long experience in films. At least he doesn’t show it. Despite having no background in rap, Chaturvedi’s rapping style is filled with the passion and force of an experienced rapper. He not only perfects the lingo, he makes people believe in him as a rapper, a friend, and a mentor. Unlike the clichéd companion, threatened by his friend’s rise in popularity, Sher is Murad’s supportive backbone. The nuanced creation of this character shows Zoya Akhtar and Reema Kagti’s brilliance in writing. But without a talented actor, like Siddhant Chaturvedi, it would have been impossible to bring this character to life.

3. Gulshan Devaiah - Mard Ko Dard Nahin Hota

While very common in the 1970s and 1980s, the double role has become a rare phenomenon in Indian cinema today. As the film industry has developed, it has become far more difficult for an actor to play two different characters in the same film convincingly. The most recent use of this concept was in Aurangzeb, with Arjun Kapoor playing twin brothers on opposite sides of the law. But this was a commercial and critical failure mainly due to Kapoor’s inability to create a distinction between the characters. Like the characters in Aurangzeb, Gulshan Devaiah’s characters in Mard Ko Dard Nahin Hota are at the two opposite ends of the spectrum. Mani is Supri’s guru and Surya’s hero, while Jimmy is his disgruntled twin brother. Devaiah’s performance controlled the conflict in the film. If he wasn’t able to convince the audience of the distinction between the personalities of his two characters, and of the enmity between them, Surya and Supri’s fight would seem futile. Devaiah has both the villainous smile and the innocent eyes that bring out the contrast between the two brothers, making the conflict strong, and the film worthwhile.

4. Rasika Dugal - Hamid

In Kashmir, there are many women labeled “Half Widows” because their husbands have disappeared (many taken by the army under suspicion), and they have no information on whether these men are alive or not. Rasika Dugal plays one such woman, Ishrat, who deals with her husband’s disappearance while trying to raise her son away from the negative influences of extremist violence in Kashmir. As the only member of the cast (apart from the soldiers), that isn’t Kashmiri, Dugal had to put in twice the effort to perfect the mannerisms and diction of Kashmiri Muslims. With the fluency of her enactment, it didn’t seem at any moment as if she was acting. But getting into character is just one aspect of a good performance. It is also necessary to create an emotional connect with the audience. The topic is such that just the simple facial expression of exhaustion was enough to captivate the audience. The years and years of wait have completely drained Ishrat, and she has lost the strength to even cry. The lightness with which Dugal played this role is remarkable and befitting to a serious film like this.

5. Geetika Vidya Ohlyan and Saloni Batra - Soni

For the first time, I am clubbing two actors together in the best performance list, as neither would be complete without the other. Soni is a film that thrives on the chemistry between the two female leads, as they both deal with different levels of sexism in their daily lives as police officers. The two characters, Soni, played by Geetika Vidya Ohlyan, and Kalpana, played by Saloni Batra, are two sides of the same coin. They both have different personalities that reflect in their work. Soni’s temperamental, rebellious persona is balanced by Kalpana’s thoughtful, controlled nature. But these contrasting personalities come together in pursuit of a similar goal, to stand up for woman empowerment. As a subtle take on sexism, the film required nuanced acting to recognize the inherent sexism present in the lives of all women. Ohlyan and Batra beautifully portray the struggle of women in their professional and personal lives, further supported by their chemistry. One cannot exist without the other. Together, the two women form the crux of the film.

6. Yami Gautam - Bala

In her seven year Hindi film career, Yami Gautam hasn’t had much success. While she was delightful in her first film, Vicky Donor, her roles after that were limited. The films in which she had a lead role, such as Total Siyappa and Sanam Re, were critical and commercial failures. She spent the remainder of the time playing supporting roles in films such as Batti Gul Meter Chalu and Uri, in which there wasn’t much scope for her to showcase her talent. With the release of Bala, the expectations from Yami Gautam weren’t as high as they were from her co-stars, Ayushmann Khurrana and Bhumi Pednekar, who have generated a considerable fan base with their consistent work in the past few years. But, Gautam outshone them both. Her performance as Pari Mishra, Bala’s love interest who is a model and Tik Tok star, is the highlight of the film. The film is a heartfelt, socially moving story told in a dramatic manner. Therefore it is necessary for the actors to create a balance between the two worlds: the realistic and the unrealistic. As a former Indian television actor, Yami Gautam knows exactly how to maintain this balance. Indian television is not just a platform for dramatic overacting, as many believe it to be. It’s a balance between scenes involving overdramatic tension and those with nuanced conversation. Pari’s identity as a Tik Tok star, means that her mannerisms in everyday life are much more dramatic than normal, but when everything settles down, she has the ability to have a normal conversation. Yami Gautam displayed this dichotomy with perfection. And now she has become the most appreciated aspect of the film.

7. Priyanka Chopra - The Sky is Pink

After a three-year break from acting in Hindi films, Priyanka Chopra is back with a bang. In The Sky is Pink, she plays the mother of a young girl diagnosed with a life threatening disease. Such a role is not only emotionally draining, it is also physically strenuous, as she has to step into the shoes of the real life Aditi Chaudhary. She has to be faithful to her, especially when it pertains to such a sensitive topic. Priyanka Chopra fully imbibes this role. She beautifully portrays the emotions of a distressed mother and at the same time a wife struggling to keep her marriage intact in the face of death. At first it seems difficult to imagine her as the mother of a teenage daughter, but the chemistry she shares with Zaira Wasim, playing her daughter, Aisha Chaudhary, leads to a passionate mother-daughter relationship, that completes the film.

8. Shahid Kapoor - Kabir Singh

When a film is remade, it is very difficult for the actors to live up to the expectations of the original. Shahid Kapoor steps into the shoes of Vijay Deverakonda, a Telugu superstar who delivered his career best performance in Arjun Reddy, the precursor to Kabir Singh. The passion and angst that Deverakonda brought into his performance is difficult to emulate. Which is why Kapoor doesn’t try to become Deverakonda. He does not attempt to match the original and instead brings his own flavor into the character, which sets Kabir Singh apart from Arjun Reddy. The one scene that perfectly demonstrates this is the Holi scene. In this scene, Kabir Singh is feeling a combination of emotions including anger, sadness, and passionate love, which all can be beautifully seen in his eyes. No other Hindi film actor can emote with his eyes the way Kapoor does. Even Deverakonda attempts this, but his performance in the scene in the Telugu version leans more towards anger and passion than pain. On the other hand, Kapoor portrays his character in this scene as painfully suffering bringing out another dimension in the character. This may not be the best performance that Kapoor has delivered in his career, but it definitely is his most impactful one.

9. Anjali Patil - Mere Pyaare Prime Minister

In Mere Pyaare Prime Minister, Anjali Patil plays a single mother, traumatized after being assaulted while using an outdoor bathroom. Patil has always chosen roles that lean towards the unconventional route. While she has dabbled in multiple languages, her Hindi films have not been successful, and her performances in supporting roles barely noticeable. With this film, she is finally playing a strong role in a Hindi film. Her character is one that is in mental and emotional distress after experiencing such a horrendous crime, yet cannot express it as she still has to fulfill her duty as a single mother. The restraint that Patil brings into her performance is beautiful. It is reflective of the balance between the heaviness of the storyline and the lightness of the mother-son relationship. Though this is not as powerful a role as Patil has played earlier in other language films, it is still one that requires effort, as it is not easy to play a sexual assault victim, especially when that victim is also a mother.

10. Kangana Ranaut - Judgementall Hai Kya

Kangana Ranaut is one actor that never fails to impress. With each performance, she exceeds her previous ones, making her one of the fastest growing actors in terms of talent. In Judgementall Hai Kya, she plays the feisty, socially awkward Bobby, whose mental health issues, make people disbelieve her when she claims an accident was actually a murder. The film was acclaimed for treating mental illness with sensitivity. At times in the film, the craziness of Bobby’s actions make her seem insane, which Ranaut does with perfection. But Ranaut is also able to show that the mental illness is a part of Bobby’s personality that does not make her abnormal, just different than normal.

Special Mention: Shweta Basu Prasad - Mard Ko Dard Nahin Hota

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metalchickaf19 · 5 years

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The Bowers Gang: Ship #16 - Victor Criss

Request: Hello! (I apologize in advance if this message is very long!) I am 5”4 japanese girl with a petite pear-shaped body who has moved to the United States from Japan four years ago with my family (my father, five brothers (three younger, two older), and older sister). I have long wavy hair (for now, I have every intention to cut it soon), aviator framed glasses, and light freckles that run across the bridge of my nose. I have a friendly, laid back, and humorous personality though I have been known to possess an awkward streak and can be quite shy in certain situations. When it comes to my expressing any deep emotions, especially ones stemming from sadness, anger, or anything of that sort, I tend to keep myself guarded and try not to wear my troubles on my sleeve. This is a bad habit that I am trying to overcome but acknowledging my shortcomings, let alone communicating them openly, embarrasses and sometimes frustrates me as I am not use to speaking about them thoroughly with other people. I still have an accent as well as a slight stutter that arises whenever I begin to speak too quickly (this typically occurs when I get into passionate conversations). I enjoy listening to music, watching films and animated shows, reading books and comics, playing video games, learning about new subjects, and building things! (I aspire to pursue a career in mechanical engineering one day!)

Hey, guess what?

You sound adorable, and I loved reading your request

All the guys have crushes on you of varying degrees (because height + accent + basic personality traits), but Victor won you over because he was the only match for your general softness

... And your intellect, but that’s rude, so let’s act like I didn’t say it

You originally met both Belch and Victor in your 4th-period Algebra 2 class, where you and Victor did some serious bonding trying to help Belch pass

It was a total twist of fate, dude, I kid you not - the three of you were seated at the same table, and you just chimed in one day when Belch was having a hard time understanding something Victor was explaining to him

... Which ultimately led to group conversation, table-wide companionship, and you and Victor hardcore strategizing how to explain linear equations to someone that had managed to fail freshman shop

Aka: You joined the fight for Huggins’ academic success, and the world loves you for it

Anyways, though - Belch passed the class (with a whopping 69%), Victor asked you out, and you were introduced to Patrick and Henry soon afterwards

... And you know what was really great about that?

Henry never gave you problems of any kind about joining the group

Not. Once.

Entirely because, even though you were a new kid from another country, word spread quickly that you had five brothers - and Bowers didn’t like those odds

So you made it into the gang without being beaten and/or verbally bashed in any way, shape, or form - congratulations

... The guys still make an inordinate amount of jokes about the fact that you’re Asian now that you’re friends with them though, so have fun with that (You: *Says something about being hungry* Patrick: “Don’t worry princess, we’ll pick you up somethin’ at the dog park in a second - bulldog or beagle?” *Incredibly ignorant Hockstetter laugh*)

Sorry, dude - just the price of doing business with The Bowers Gang

Victor once took you on a private date to the arcade (because video game interests)

... but you’d only gotten through two rounds of Defender together when Patrick, Henry, and Belch showed up “by coincidence”

Which meant the remainder of your afternoon consisted of trying to detach from the group (unsuccessfully), getting food from the confections counter while Victor stared daggers at everyone, and beating Henry at Street Fighter until his temper literally couldn’t take it anymore

... The beating Henry thing helped a little though, so it wasn’t a bad date overall

* Cute, not at all upsetting side-note *

You and Henry have an unspoken bond that most people can’t explain

Though you typically don’t interact much, you seem like you have a silent connection to one another - like you each understand something fundamental and secret about the other that no one else gets

... And, honestly... you do

Even though you and Henry are primarily opposites, there’s something about each other you both get:

Not knowing how to cope with negative emotions

Whereas Henry explodes, you keep things inside until it’s no longer healthy for you - and it’s as if you can each sense that you have the same basic problem, even if it manifests in completely different ways

So you and Henry tend to walk next to each other when you’re going places with the guys, sit next to each other during group hangouts, stay in one another’s general vicinity at house parties - small things that highlight your unconscious connection, despite the fact that you rarely ever talk

Quick version of all this: You and Bowers are tight on a cerebral level because you have the same deep, internal issues

Yay, emotional illiteracy (?)

* Cute, not at all upsetting side-note ended *

You and Victor go to the library every day after school to study (learning about new subjects? I think yes)

Victor once built you a scale model of the Tokyo Tower as a reminder of home

Seriously. The dude scoured the junkyard for 3 days straight looking for the material, took over a month to finish it, and presented it to you on your birthday with the proudest, most exhausted Victor Criss smile on his face

The guy loves you, kid - appreciate it

... And don’t let Hockstetter steal your model (he’s tried to twice already - I assure you fire will be involved if he gets it)

Lastly, all the guys love it when you stutter

Love it

It usually happens when you’re arguing with Patrick (who wouldn’t get passionate when a 6 foot prick steals their glasses?), but it makes all the guys erupt into (slightly aroused) laughter whenever it happens

Overall, such a sweet relationship, and one I approve of wholeheartedly

Don’t let them corrupt you, girl - your purity is what makes this so right

#henry bowers #patrick hockstetter #belch huggins #victor criss #the bowers gang #the bowers gang headcanons #it

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slouchyslouch · 4 years

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My 2010s in Records.

10. My Bloody Valentine — mbv

Wrote about mbv on a separate piece.

9. Earl Sweatshirt — Some Rap Songs

Earl Sweatshirt’s Some Rap Songs is a record of mending and therapy. At the beginning of the decade, rap fans saw the 16 year old prodigy create the most technical and distinctive raps unheard of at that time. Yes, a lot of it was jarring and immature, but the potential was there. While debut mixtape EARL was a teaser and an introduction to his greatness, Doris was his reclamation to the rap game after a period of silence in Samoa. I Don’t Like Shit, I Don’t Go Outside in turn spoke for itself. Its morose disposition then made its way onto Some Rap Songs; not quite his masterpiece, but an accomplished period piece nonetheless. As one of the most highly acclaimed rappers in the world today, Earl spills his guts out on this diaristic tape about his relationship with his father and the emotional exhaustion coming from trying to amend it. On “Red Water,” he repeats the same 8 bars on loop as if caught in a recurring dream. “Papa called me chief / gotta keep it brief / locked and loaded I can see you lyin’ through your teeth” he raps in a fugue state, as if coming to the realization that his father was only there for those momentary times of convenience. It’s always difficult to write something that includes family and loved ones. There’s a sense of vulnerability you have to divulge in as well as a catharsis that fulfills one’s desire to let go of one’s agony. The beats on Some Rap Songs run on loose kaleidoscopic loops, production that Earl has mastered rapping over as his idiosyncrasies in his bars do best when complementing them. Thanks to the influence of his buddies Mike and Medhane, he’s learned to channel his eccentric flows onto those beats. “Riot” closes the record with the sentimental instrumental sampling jazz legend, and uncle, Hugh Masekela. It’s feels like a proper ending to Earl’s chronicle, but the events that have transpired will always be apart of his life. At the end of it all, Some Rap Songs will remain forever a tombstone of his anguish.

8. The Spirit of the Beehive — Hypnic Jerks

There’s no other dream pop record this decade that could top this almost-perfect album. The hushed vocalizations of Zach Schwartz and Rivka Ravede offer a quiet intimacy in the dreamscape that is Hypnic Jerks. The title in itself lends to the idea of being half asleep and half awake — to be in an altered state where the real and surreal are just two sides of the same coin. Tracks like “poly swim” and “it’s gonna find you” entrance you into that state of unconscious, while tracks like “can i receive the contact?” and “hypnic jerks” make an effort to wake you up from the sublime. Field recordings filter in and out between tracks, as if you were hallucinating the whole time. It’s when “nail i couldn’t bite” and “(without you) in my pocket” play out that you realize it doesn’t matter what state you lie in. Their lucid pop constructions reward repeated listens to the point of obsession in a somnambulant state. The record’s lack of acclaim only makes it feel like you’re in on a hidden secret. To this day, I am completely spellbound to its sorcery and have yet to unlock its mysteries.

7. Iceage — New Brigade

Back in elementary school, I listened to a lot of pop punk; the kind that was rapturously melodic yet cheesily done and overproduced (Think Blink 182 or All Time Low). Until I listened to New Brigade, I didn’t even realize what true punk music actually sounded like. Iceage was just fucking cool to me. Sure, they had the aesthetic, depicting bloody mosh pits and macabre rune art, but it was truly the music that broke into my spirit, shattering what I thought punk sounded like back in the day. I’d read pieces about their notorious live shows where they would play rapid 15-minute sets in the sunless recesses of Denmark, which only added to the band’s mystique. Upon listening to their debut, I felt musically fulfilled like never before. No more of the whiny, drawn out vocals from pop punk bands. Frontman Elias Bender Rønnenfelt had the kind of angsty drawl similar to Nick Cave’s when he played with The Birthday Party which offered a kind of obscene yet confident instability to his performance. Johan Surrballe Wieth and Jakob Tvilling Pless’s guitars have just the right amount of filth in them — an abrasive attack on your soul while Dan Kjær Nielsen’s drums are played propulsively in classic hardcore fashion — never meant decelerate. The record didn’t offer the tightest instrumental, but that was the point. Iceage have gone on to release tighter and more spectacular punk records consistently over the decade but their debut broke the ceiling of what to me punk could, and should, sound like. From the cathartic breakdown of “White Rune” to the triumphant “You’re Blessed,” New Brigade was the record that gave me that spark, the one that carried me to rotting heights.

6. Frank Ocean — Channel Orange

Channel Orange will always be a classic to my generation. From Grammy-nominated “Thinking’ Bout You” to the sweet and charming “Forrest Gump,” we surf through Frank’s psyche in smooth and effortless RnB. Frank Ocean’s vivid universe is one of vibrant summers and distant getaways. Its colourful motifs paint a pretty picture for us — pink skies, monks in moshpits, peaches and mangos, roofs of mansions, palm trees and pools, Majin Buu. Most people I know around my age know the lyrics to most of its tracks. They’re as infectious as any classic from the past decade. I still remember listening to “Sweet Life” by the beach with a friend before attending his concert on his first tour. Everything felt right in the world when he sang “so why see the world when you got the beach” as the waves crashed over the sand and the summer heat glistened over the ocean. During its release, he opened up to the world to reveal his love for another man in an affectionate Tumblr post. It gave us an appreciation into an artist’s vulnerable identity while breaking the door open for other artists to come out in their own way. Frank later released his masterpiece in Blonde/Endless and a plethora of brilliant singles from his radio show, but the stories and music from Channel Orange will remain forever timeless.

5. Solange — A Seat at the Table

“Fall in your ways / so you can crumble / fall in your ways / so you can wake up and rise” sings Solange, on the introduction to her restorative album A Seat at the Table. They’re words I try to tell myself in times of darkness. Solange just has that ability to let anybody express themselves through her music, to meditate on life’s injustices and pitfalls. It’s okay to be mad; it’s okay to rest and take care of yourself as much as you need to. We just have to rely on each other to get back into the fight. It feels like a lot of my favourite records from the past decade are imbued with themes of darkness and isolation. Fortunately, I still have Solange to let myself vent out those frustrations. Whether it’s the strings on the beginning of “Cranes in the Sky” that remind me to slow down or the horns projected behind Master P’s stoic orations that fuel my determination to keep afloat, A Seat at the Table plays like an instruction manual for self-care, black empowerment, and righteous activism. It’s consoling to know that I’m not alone in distracting myself from everything that’s wrong with the world today. 2016 was such an appropriate time for this record to be released. Solange gave us hope, grace, stoicism, and the ability to heal and recharge. A Seat at the Table may be a personal record to Solange, but as she sings on “F.U.B.U.,” this shit is for us.

4. Chance the Rapper — Acid Rap

It’s odd to say that my favourite rap record of the decade comes in the form of pop rap album Acid Rap. In making this list, I thought about the obvious greats in My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy or Good Kid, M.A.A.D. City. In the end, Chance’s second mixtape brought me more joy than any of those records did. It gave me the cringiest but most pleasurable musical moments with the homies singing along to tracks like “Cocoa Butter Kisses” and “Pusha Man.” Releasing it independently and as a free download, Chance’s spoken-word idiosyncrasies reveal themselves as classic pop rap gems by the end of the decade. Chance’s whole thing was just about pure positivity and having fun. The era of albums I could compare to it was during the release of Kanye’s College Dropout and Late Registration, a time when Kanye (sort of) envisioned the anti-stereotype in rappers, countering the machismo and toxic masculinity found in a lot of hip-hop now and back then (RIP old Kanye). Chance didn’t care about getting bitches or getting money. He just wanted to do drugs with his friends — to trip out on acid and go on a spiritual journey with all of us. Hidden beneath the positivity, Chance still creeps in a dash of realism and humanity on tracks like “Paranoia,” illustrating the life of gang-banging in his hometown of Chicago. It’s the earnestness in his raps that always pulls me back, the flourishes of piano when he raps “I lean back then spark my shit / I turn up I talk my shit / hope you love all my shit / I hope you love all my shit / IGH.” It turns out, as he declares on the outro, Everything’s Good.

3. Alex G — DSU

On DSU, time stops. The cult of Alex G is now cemented in indie rock lore at the end of the decade with eight albums full of hooks, dreams, and shattered spirits. DSU was the first record I listened to by Alex G, and remains my favourite by his despite him going on to release better conceptual records in Rocket and House of Sugar. No track can be skipped or listened to passively. With most of them springing under the 2–3 minute mark, ideas flow in and out without direction but coalesce into an impressionistic and breathtaking work of art. Hints of Elliott Smith and Isaac Brock echo in the duality of harsh guitar distortion and melodious pop hooks. Guitar feedback never felt so comforting as it colours the magnificence of Alex G’s composition. There’s a kind of deep melancholy in each track despite the ambiguous surrealism lyrics, a perfect winter record to listen to alone in your room or walk through the piles of snow in the night. Its murky yet lush production somehow reaches out to you, helps you drown in its depths and remain there for its 37 minutes. Whether it’s “Skipper” fully attuning you to its hushed presence, or the entrancing opener of “After Ur Gone,” I just feel like I want to close my eyes and immerse myself in there for as long as it allows me to.

2. Frank Ocean — Blonde

Frank Ocean’s Blonde arrived as a gift from the heavens. For five years, my friends and I have joked and memed about when the new Frank was coming out — whether it was even ever going to come out. Years after its release, it has evolved into the masterpiece that I’ve always wanted him to create. When Endless came out, I felt somewhat disappointed at the material — although later served as the perfect complement to Blonde — because of its lack of sensual pieces similar to those on Channel Orange’s effortless RnB and the latter record’s penchant for easy sing-alongs. Blonde in turn revealed a similar mood: the spacious vapour that fogged up behind Ocean’s intimate croon, the volatility in his voice that permeated your soul — it felt like an emotional load that was difficult to bare, yet something necessary that had to be experienced. I was just getting into my first intimate relationship when Blonde came out, and it’s made me realize how much I wanted to make that person happy, and that I couldn’t take any relationship I had for granted. I felt heavy after listening to this record. The sadboi hours memes ring true to its emotional weight. I would flutter to the arpeggios of “Ivy” as Frank sings “I thought that I was dreamin’ when you said you love me,” bop to the duality of “Nights,” and shed a tear to the wistfulness of “Godspeed.” I wonder how much shit Frank had to go through to even get any of these songs on tape. It’s okay. I like to think think that by the end of it all, Blonde was the catharsis he needed to spill his heart out.

1. Tame Impala — Lonerism

At the end of the decade, seeing Kevin Parker as one of the most highly-touted producers and songwriters in pop music would be an observation if you had asked me a decade ago, when Tame Impala’s first record Innerspeaker — an expansive work of art that recalled 60’s guitar psychedelia — first came out. On Lonerism, Parker’s music evolved into something even more seismic and innovative in scope. As the name suggests, Lonerism is a product of disaffection, self-defeat, and isolation. I’d imagine it was as fulfilling to other music fans of a type to detach from the world and just get lost in another’s. There’s a part on “Keep on Lying” where an endless guitar solo is played in the midst of a dinner party being played out; that feeling of getting dragged to a party when you were just a kid but just wanted to pop your headphones on and refuse to interact with anybody. According to Parker, he put in the sample to make the listener feel even more alienated. It’s a powerful feeling that lets anyone listening to the record in on that vulnerable sensation. In spite of that, tracks like “Apocalypse Dreams” and “Elephant” still give us astonishing psych rock bangers while pop gems “Music to Walk Home By” and “Feels like We Only Go Backwards” demonstrate Parker’s guitar pedal gymnastics over vibrant hooks. Although Currents has skyrocketed him into the fame and acclaim that he undoubtedly deserves, this record will always be his opus in my heart. I’ve daydreamed enough times to the music where its world has settled into my subconscious. It’s a world that comes from genius, but it’s also a world that invites you in to escape from the idea of Lonerism itself, to have something shared with you in solitude.

#top 10 albums #tame impala #frank ocean #alex g #chance the rapper #solange #iceage #the spirit of the beehive #My Bloody Valentine #album review #lists #earl sweatshirt

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loniden · 4 years

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How to Eat Healthy During the 2020 Lockdown

This has been a fascinating week with such an unforeseen development in a brief timeframe. Almost all of us are at home for two or three weeks, which brings along new difficulties when following a keto or low carb diet. In this article, I'll give you tips about how to eat well when stuck at home.

The most effective method to Eat Healthy When Stuck at Home

I don't have a clue what it is about the vulnerability of our reality that makes me need comfort nourishment and to heat hand crafted chocolate chip treats. On the off chance that you've been battling staying keto or low carb, you aren't the only one. I surveyed the Easy Keto Low Carb Recipes Facebook page, and keeping in mind that there were many adhering to the keto way of life, there were similarly the same number of battling. It's anything but difficult to push eat when all that we've known is unexpectedly open to question. How would you eat well when stuck at home?

In complete honesty, I haven't eaten consummately for as far back as not many days. I'll do incredible the vast majority of the day, at that point end up giving in here, and there later toward the evening and into the night. Regardless of whether it is only a bunch of my children's Cheetos or a little treat, those little chomps include, and before I know it, I get myself, saying what the hell., I've just spoiled today I should eat anything I desire, which is never a decent course for me.

At the point when I go off arrangement for a few days, it causes me truly to feel yucky. My stomach gets all enlarged, my garments don't fit also, and my vitality levels are lower. With not realizing to what extent we will be home, I realize I need to feel my best. Good dieting is basic to my general prosperity. Else, I realize it would start to influence me intellectually.

Also Read: 6 Awesome Body Changes When You Give Up Carbs

Since I realize that there are numerous who may be managing similar battles, I thought I'd share two or three unique tips that may help we all to eat well when we are stuck at home during this exceptional time in our country's history.

Tips to Eating Healthy During a Challenging Season

1. Resolve and Discipline Always Win – Sticking to a good dieting way of life goes a long ways past inspiration. As I referenced right now what making my bed showed me weight reduction, inspiration is whimsical, and it depends on feelings and conditions. Inspiration will bomb me, particularly in our present circumstance, not realizing a distinct end in sight. I need to determine and decide to stay with day by day trains again and again that bring achievement. Surrendering to transitory wants again and again (hi Oreos) never genuinely causes me to feel better.

2. Recall Your Why and Your Wins – When enticement hits, which it unquestionably will recollect your why and your successes. For what reason did you begin following a keto or low carb diet? What achievements have you achieved en route? Have you gone down a size? Not, at this point constrained by desserts? Have more vitality than you used to have? Record these things on the off chance that you need to with the goal that they are a consistent token of why you should proceed on your smart dieting venture regardless of the way that your life may look altogether different at this moment.

3. Change from Keto to Low Carb – If you have been exacting keto and can't appear to refocus, maybe changing to all the more a low carb way of life may be useful. Thusly, you'll give yourself more breathing space and a couple of more carbs a day. You likewise won't need to concentrate on remaining in ketosis. Eating low carb rather than keto may be the ticket that gives you enough opportunity for progress. On the off chance that you aren't acquainted with how they are unique, Low Carb versus Keto: Differences and Benefits is an extraordinary asset.

4. Plan Ahead – If you wind up battling in light of the fact that there is unexpectedly more nourishment in the house that you wouldn't ordinarily eat, arranging very well might assist you with remaining on target. Plan dinners and snacks with solid other options. For instance, if every other person is eating pizza, make a heavenly crustless pizza or pizza chaffles. That way, you can fulfill your desires and remain on target.

Additionally, in the event that you dinner prep early, you won't be without solid nourishment alternatives. Here are five straightforward strides to supper prep that will make preparing dinners simpler when you get exhausted of cooking.

5. Keep Easy Keto Treats and Snacks on Hand – When you are home throughout the day consistently, it's anything but difficult to surrender to careless eating and eating eventually. There are such huge numbers of great plans for keto desserts and tidbits, yet now and then I simply need something I can get rapidly without getting the kitchen filthy once more. With being home for an all-encompassing measure of time, we all will probably be cooking more, so having simple choices we can get and appreciate may help us not snatch our child's tidbits. Here are a couple of my most loved keto snacks I like to keep in my wash room. In the event that you can't discover them locally or don't have any desire to get out, Amazon is an extraordinary alternative.

6. Pick a Day – I wouldn't ordinarily recommend this, yet edgy occasions call for additional choices. Pick one day a week or at regular intervals, where you appreciate carbs without blame. Perhaps you might want to go through one day seven days heating with your children however have stayed away from it since you don't feel sufficiently able to disapprove of unique treats. Right now, picking one day seven days to have a heating day or solace nourishment cooking day with the family would give you enough alternatives to have the option to adhere to keto or low carb the other six days. On the off chance that you don't figure you could refocus following a day away from work plan, at that point this alternative would not be a decent decision for you.

7. Pick a Nonnegotiable Start Date – With an ongoing sudden spike in demand for staple goods, you probably won't have the option to load up on low carb wash room nourishments you typically eat. Or then again, you may require a brief timeframe of alteration with everything else feeling wild before committing once again to smart dieting. Regardless, set another beginning date. On this day, you'll refocus, no inquiries. What that may resemble is this, " For the following fourteen days I'm going to make sense of our new self-teach plan, load up on low carb food supplies once stores restock, and get some kind of foothold once more. At that point, precisely fourteen days from today, I'm returning to eating low carb."

A couple of days before your new beginning date, start a feast plan and basic food item shop to set yourself up for progress. On the off chance that you need dinner thoughts, here is a rundown of more than 90 free keto supper plans you can get to whenever. Having a beginning date will likewise give you an opportunity to intellectually get ready for the change.

8. Start and Stick with a New Exercise Routine – Now that our timetables are not, at this point brimming with children's games exercises, school exercises, self-teach gatherings, church, youth bunch social occasions, and so forth we have much more opportunity to do things we've been putting off because of absence of time. At the point when I am reliably working out, it causes me to settle on better nourishment decisions as I would prefer not to fix all the difficult work I've done. There are loads of 30-Day Exercise Challenges on Pinterest that are anything but difficult to start. Indeed, even 20 minutes of activity daily causes me to ponder the nourishments I put in my body. Here is a Pinterest Board loaded with various exercise programs and chiseling programs on the off chance that you need motivation.

Also Read: The Future Of Low-Carb Diets: Lessons Learned From Past Fads

9. Give Yourself Grace Upon Grace – We've never confronted this sort of emergency in the course of our life. I don't have a clue about that anybody realizes how to move the progressions that have occurred in our reality. The greater part of us aren't accustomed to being stuck in our homes for broadened periods. You may require a period of modification first before you can get settled and resolved to refocus. Assuming this is the case, that is alright. There is no disgrace or judgment. Right now, neglect to make dealing with yourself and remaining sound a need, regardless of whether it takes you a piece to pull together while the residue settles around you.

Everything Is Not Lost

In the event that you are battling, everything isn't lost. Essentially, pick how you can eat well while stuck at home. What you do probably won't resemble what the following individual is doing, yet you need to discover what you can adhere to in the midst of new difficulties.

I'm hitting my reset button today and committing once again to remaining on target. I'll adhere to more low carb than keto, for a brief timeframe at any rate; maybe I'll return to keto as we get sunk into our new ordinary. Since I am at my objective weight, I may even pick an off-plan day once consistently or two and appreciate making (and eating) family plans that have been passed on through ages that aren't low carb with my kids. I may even appoint my more seasoned children a night to prepare supper (it's a significant fundamental ability all things considered) and simply appreciate what they decide to cook without blame. I can guarantee you if my child is cooking cauliflower WILL NOT be on the menu. lol

Relish the Time and Make Memories

The majority of all, I need to appreciate this time with my family, gain experiences we probably won't have set aside the effort to make in the event that we weren't stuck at home, and relish this time together. I'll despite everything eat soundly, only not as exacting as I regularly would with the goal that I don't come out of this having put on weight. I simply don't need it to be something I consider continually, or that controls me. This season in our home will be devoted to time together and memory-production.

At the point when you get tired recall, each tempest comes up short on downpour. There will be another season.

#keto #carbs #diet #healthy #eat #food #covid19 #quarantinefood

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