The RPG disaster
Cloud always wanted to play RPG with his friends (if he were to have any) and he decided to go the simple way, something that he felt more safe leaning towards such as 7th Sea.
So he talks to everyone and explains that the system allows for a more theatrical kind of battle and that combat isn't the focus of it all, but rather their fun.
Sephiroth is interested, he's already been through combat enough daily and feels like it could be a break to not think too much about combat.
Genesis is DELIGHTED in the possibility of showing off his theatrical abilities.
Zack is super excited and supportive of his buddy.
Angeal isn't as thrilled as the others, as he never was a theater kid like Genesis for example nor have he ever had much interest in it at first, but decided to join them anyway.
Cloud then marks a day they can all have a session zero so he can help out with their sheets.
He sends each a copy of the playerbook and tells them to read about the nations and jobs and just think of something simple. Again, simple. It backfired horribly.
The session zero day came and Genesis has a total of 20 pages on his character's lore. Front and back.
Cloud: I am not reading this.
Genesis: What do you mean you're not reading?! It's your job. You have to know my character's lore.
Cloud: Genesis, I told you guys to make it simple. In what universe are 20 pages front and back SIMPLE?!
Genesis: Oh, PLEASE! I didn't even made his family tree!
Cloud: YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO!
At that moment, Zack had arrived with some energy drinks.
Zack: Heeeee-ey, what's going on?
Cloud: You see this?! *Flips the twenty pages* THIS is Genesis' character lore!
Genesis: It's just twenty pages! You read over four hundred pages of a RPG book just to deny my twenty pages?!
Zack: But he said it was supposed to be simple.
Genesis: IT IS!
Zack: Why twenty pages of lore, then?!
Genesis: I could've written a book on my character, but NO! I got soft and did something simple!
Cloud: UGH WHATEVER I'LL READ IT! But I'm gonna cut what I find useless, understand?
Genesis: Fine.
Cloud takes a marker and marks 95% percent of everything. Genesis is appalled.
Cloud: Alright. The ones that aren't mark, write it down somewhere.
Genesis: You've butchered him, my poor Jacques!
Cloud: I've improved it. Alright, lemme see yours, Zack.
Zack: On it! *He gives him a picture of Dante from Devil May Cry*
Cloud: ...? I don't get it, is this what your character looks like?
Zack: Nah, I'm gonna play as Dante!
Cloud: *sighes* Alright, that's something you can do. But, I'd REALLY rather you'd just do it from scratch, Zack.
Zack: Oh, okay.
Zack shrugs and borrows Cloud's book to check nations and jobs.
At that point, Angeal and Sephiroth had arrived, the two with the physical copies of the books in hands.
Cloud: What the hell? I sent you guys a digital copy, when did you... You know what, whatever. You guys came up with your characters?
Angeal: Yes, his name's Gerald and he's gonna be the healer.
Cloud: Oh, okay. Quite simple, what about the lore?
Angeal: What does a Star Trek character has to do with it?
Cloud: Oh god... Sephiroth, PLEASE, tell me you have something we can work with.
Sephiroth: Yes, my character is Trevor, he's from Inismore, a duelist, decided to focus on finesse since it'll serve lots when doing acrobatics on a boat. He was born on the capital, but moved to the coast. *Hands it over a character sheet PERFECTLY done*
Cloud: Oh! That's more like it! Simple, original and you even took into consideration the secret arts! Nice going.
Sephiroth: I also studied the rules and other nations and jobs. I can help correcting them.
Cloud: Oh, okay? Well, you got the character sheet right, why don't you go ahead with helping Zack with his character? I'm gonna help Angeal and Genesis is grounded because he overdid himself.
After that, Cloud sat down with Angeal and started to distributing the points. Angeal started arguing over his characters age affecting his points, because no matter the age, he had a good training routine and diet will help lots on a old age.
Cloud argues that affects jack shit in an RPG and they started yelling at each other.
Zack asks Sephiroth about Inismore and he started explaining the lore.
Genesis: You cut uncle Archibald?! He's the reason Jacques learns piano in the first place!
Angeal and Cloud are STILL arguing over the fact that his character can use magic and fight at the same time.
Cloud tries to explain that his character can't learn Hexe because he isn't born in Eisen.
Angeal argues that he fought in the war for thirty years and he can.
Cloud refutes that he wasn't born in Eisen. And thus, can't learn their magic.
Zack asks Sephiroth about Eisen, of which he starts explaining.
Genesis: How dare you cut my clarinet lessons out?! They were the therapeutical relief Jacques needed after his grandfather felt from his horse!
Now Angeal is arguing over not wanting to leave his mother behind and wanting to take her along so he can heal her illness.
Cloud refutes that it's gonna be a unnecessary drag for their session, since that would distract him too much.
Angeal counter argues that he won't leave without his mother.
Cloud tries to explain how much of a dead weight a ill relative would be at their one-shot.
Sephiroth tosses his book at Cloud.
Sephiroth: Do not talk like this of his mother!
Cloud gets pissed, but Angeal stops him from tossing the book back at Sephiroth.
Angeal: Thanks, Seph, but I can handle myself.
Sephiroth: You better be.
Angeal: ... You're not gonna romance my mother.
Sephiroth: WHY NOT?!
Genesis: NO! WHY CUT LITTLE LISA?! SHE'S JUST A BABY!
Cloud: EXACTLY! A BABY THAT, QUOTING YOU, IS A SEVENTH GRADE RELATIVE THAT YOUR CHARACTER DOESN'T EVEN KNOW!
A huge fight ensues, Zack is drinking his energy drink and eating chips as he just sees chaos ensue.
Sephiroth tries to hit Cloud, but punches Genesis.
Genesis pulls Angeal's hair.
Angeal tries to hit Genesis, but hits Sephiroth.
The trio started fighting and Cloud sneaked out of there, seating by Zack's side. He takes a energy drinks and the two share potato chips.
Later that night, the five are called in Lazard's office.
Tabletop RPGs are now forbidden in the SOLDIER floor.
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