#AFTER HIS GRANDMA EXPLAINS BUNNY IS DEAD

[rockrosethistle]

say what you will about the second half of TSH, “One time Uncle Bunny called me a bastard” is the funniest line I’ve ever read in a book.

[itsmadamehydra]

My Savior || Wayne McCullough

A/N: Just some teenage girl trying to write the story inside her head, hope u like it.

Pairing: Wayne McCullough x oc

Warnings: rape, intention of rape, harassment, blood mention, bullying, language (a little strong)

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I've always like to watch him by far, he just seems different from the rest (and oh boy, he is).

The first time I saw him I was in 7th grade. I was just one more girl of the many others that her tities just had started to show and my period started to visit me. I remember that day clearly, I was sitting at the hallway with my bestfriend at the time, eating infront of our lockers when I saw him.

"Am telling ya girl, the answer of number 5 was c." I said trying to reason with her about the science test answers "I told you that if u needed help to study, I could help ya." I smile at her and move my arm upward to touch her shoulder

"Yeah, yeah, I know...are you sure it was not D?" she said frowning her eyebrows once more. We stayed in silence for a sec before bursting into laughter and tears

Little by little our laughs started to fade, allowing ears to hear the background and aswell some loud voices, it sounded like an argument but by the hears of it a fight was going to start soon. "What you think is happening over there?" Cassie murmured, I stared at the end of the hallway where apparently was were the voices were coming from.

"I don't know..." my lips formed a thin line while I was thinking about what could have been happening in there, "You wanna, you know, go and see?" I looked back at my friend

"Freak yeah" she laughed grabbing my hand and running down the hallway to see the soon to be fight.

Once we got there, there was a mass of students surrounding what appeared to be the ones who where arguing. "Ugh, I can't see, I hate been so small." I said, "Hey, that smallness is beautiful and you know you can use that in your own benefit" Cassia said and winked at me.

"I mean, yeah but I can't-" my word stopped at the moment I heard a want sounded and I believe to be a punch in the face. "You saw that!?" Cassie said, "That was freaking awesome, please tell me you saw it!" "Um, nah Cassie, I cant see a crap" i said while trying to find a whole where to see through.

It was only a matter of seconds until more punches were heard. I started pushing people more frantically, I wanted to see what was happening. When I get pass a few amount of studens I almost slipped, looked sown to see what was it and it was stains of blood, only a few but still.

"Oh gosh, disgusting." When I look up only a few students are still in the cafeteria and a guy wearing a grey hoddie was just there, staring at the bloodie face of another guy. I stared back at the hoddie guy and noticed a little hammer in his hand, and the words just came out of my mouth without even noticing, "Why the hammer? Want to be a constructed or something?" He just stared at me and pass by me without saying a word and keeping a neutral face.

"Who the hell was that crazy ass weirdo?" I hear Cassie's voice behind me. "I don't know" I responded, "But I will know...one day."

"Ok,ok, am not going to get in between your little search thingi but am sure he is not good news." Cassie said, "You saw what he did, and he has a FREAKING hammer, y/n! Covered in blood y/n!" She grabbed my shoulders from behind, "I think we all understood the message, stay the fuck away from him, honey."

And I just smiled.

Months later I learned his name. Wayne, Wayne McCullough. Fits the ring if you ask me. Everyone was speaking about how violent, crazy and wierdo he was, about how he was going to show up at your house to beat the hell put of you.

I just observed him by far, well, I like to think that I noticed him. I noticed how he usually beats up those who are some assholes jerks that have only one brain cell as much. Noticed that he is not much of a talker and a shy boy. Noticed how he makes his lips thin when he gets lost in thoughts. How he closes his fist when he is about to do something. His strangely high pain tolerance. His pale skin and dark hair appeared to me to be very llamative and aswell his strength. He was and is skinny but somehow has a great strength, maybe do to the unincredible amounts of fights he gets in. Experience makes the master is what the say...right?

Years went by, we entered to highschool and the nervousness along with the fast beating, sweating and butterflies were still there every time i either tought about him or saw him walking around.

Cassie stayed with me for a while until she decided to join the group of nasty ass bitches with no brain cells who believed no one was better than them. While I...well, I stayed small for a big part I guess, always with good grades, teachers love me and try to be nice with every one I guess.

Everything was going great until Cassie along with some guys recorded me somehow while being drunk and them trying to overpass the boundaries, and let me tell ya.. that was just the start.

The had videos of me at the school bathroom, pictures of my underwear under my skirts and dresses, them trying to touch me. I had to learn to defend myself, stopped using skirts, dresses, shorts even do I loved wearing the. Replace my shoes with tennis and always had hair ties.

"Y/n, wake up! You're going to be late for school, don't think ama wait for you!" I mom yelled.

"Yes, mom! Dont worry, am up!" I run down the stairs with my backpack, went to the kitchen, grabbed an apple and went straight to the car.

"Oh for God sake, y/n" she said went she looked at me and noticed my new hair style.

"What? You don't like it? I just cut it a little." I satered at her innocently

"Your father is not gonna like it and you know it." She said and the stress lines appeared in her forehead, "You know this is his weekend and-"

She couldn't finish her sentence because I started taking, "Am not going to that dickheads house, mother." I said strainly, "Don't want to see his and face of that bitch he cheated you with..." i lowly said but loud enough to hear.

"I know, honey but you have to and besides you get to see your brother!" She patted my thigh, "Haven't seen him in a while right?" She said with a sad tone

"You should be the one seeing him...not me." I stared outside the window, there were just some trees and houses and garbage.

Mom and dad divorced a while back, he cheated on her. The house was a mess that day, screams and broken glass everywhere. Sammy was lucky, he was at grandma's but I was home...listening to every single word. That was also the first time a sneaked out and the first time I sort-of spoke to Wayne.

"What are you doing here?" I heard someone said behind me, I looked and it was fucking Wayne

"Just trying to have some quietness i guess..." I stared at my fingers and started playing with them because of my nervousness, "...What are you doing here?" I asked softly

And he stayed silent...the whole time after that. Either way, his company was nice and the side profile, ufff, amazing.

"Ok, we are here." I stared at the building for a sec before giving my mother a kiss in her cheek and entered to the building.

"Hey y/n! Nice ass!" That was the jerk of all jerks, Jonathan.

I turned around and stared at him, "Oh yeah?" He nodded, "Want to see me shop of your dick?" Changed my tone while saying that into a lower and more serious tone. He just stared at me with sealed lips and left.

I continued walking to my locker and I come to see tgat my freaking lock is broken, I search in all the spaces but nothing is missing.

"Come on! They had just changed me of locker!" I silently yelled. Started grabbing my books for the next few classes when I felt a hand in my shoulder, by instinct I grabbed the wrist, pushed the person against the locker and added pressure in the throat with my other arm.

"Hey y/n" Orlando smiled, "New move?" I chuckled and removed my arm, now, standing face to face I respond

"You know you shouldn't do that Orlando bunny." I laugh st the nickname I gave him a few time ago. Orlando was one of the few FEW people who talked to me, well, he talked to everyone but still.

"I know... I just forgot I guess man." He looked down, "Y/n...have your tities grown bigger?" His face looked confused.

I slapped his head and punched his shoulder, "Could you please stop looking and thinking 'bout tities when am around you?"

"I mean, yeah sure...and sorry about your lock." He points the locker, "Wayne thought it was still his but since-" I cut him off before he could continue

"Wayne?" I asked confused

"Yeah, Is tha-" i cut him off again

"Why did he tho?" I murmured staring at my lock in hand.

"It used to be his locker but oh well...he missed school for 3 weeks and yeah." He grabs his backpacks laces after explaining.

"Oh...ok, is he still here tho?" I looked at Orlando

"I guess..." he was about to say pther thing when the bell ring and we started to go toour classes, "See you later gorgeous!" He yells from the corner of the hallway.

I stayed there...just staring at my lock for a while, then order my things fast and left to class. What I didn't know was that someone was watching at me.

Three days later, i was walking back home and i heard s car going at full speed and nasty comments were started to be listend. I kept walking trying tk pretend they didn't exist when the car is suddenly over the sideway and infront of me.

"YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME ASSHOLES!!" I yelled.

"But...you are bot dead right, bitch?" Jonathan said getting out of the car. There were five, 2 guys and 3 girls. "Don't prefer to suck my dick and be my slut, promise I'll pay a good amount." He said infront of me,

"She is already a slut baby." Veronica said

"I bet she has sleeped with half school, wouldn't surprise me if you haven been org*e or something." You know, comments are comments, you are the one who decide what hurt you and whats does not, but being Cassie the one who said that...broke my freaking heart.

I couldn't stand it anymore, wanted to leave the place so i came up with a plan very fast. I walked closer to Jonathan trying to be the most seductive I could, touched his chest, abs and got closer to his ear and said, "You are going to regret everything" Punched him with all my strenght in this genitiles, stomp on his feet, punched his nose and ran the faster I could out of there.

"You bitch!" I heard from far but i continued running, I couldn't stop, i was scared, didn't know what could happen if the get me. I could hear the car engines behind me, but i didn't stop.

I was close a bridge, ran underneath it, passed some houses but i could still hear the voices and car. My legs hurt, i needed to catch my breath, i could hear my heart beat, my body felt on fire. When I less expected am suddenly trapped, there were some abandoned buildings and warehouses but no way to get put of there. This was it, my end.

"Couldn't escape from me you nasty little bitch!?" I heard his voice, i was never one to pray but believe when i say i begged to God to save me. "You ain't going anywhere...bitch" he was behind me, I could sense it.

My hair was pulled, he pulls me by my hair to his car and i notice that it's just him and another guy. Am not getting out of here.

"We are going to have so much fun!" He licks my cheek and i try to kick him wherever.

"HELP!" I yelled, "SOMEBODY PLEASE, HELP!" my voice sounded horrific, like if i hadn't drank a single drop of water in ages, "please" y murmure my last pledge before he finally puts me over the capo of his car.

"No one's gonna help you, you slut." He says, the other guy was just watching and standing still, doing nothing.

I gave up, didn't even notice I was crying until I tasted the salt in my lips. I felt him over me, unbucking my pants and then...i didnt felt his weight anymore, instead, i heard a cry of pain, and then another cry, and another and another.

I lifted my head and there he was, grey hoddie and little hammer in hand...my savior. I smiled.

My smile just grew bigger and bigger every second I saw that boy swing that motherfucker hammer, every second that Jonathan's blood was spilled. I lool around in search pf the pther guy scared that he might try to grab but I get calm when i see him unconscious on the floor.

A few minuts later th cries stop and i look up, Jonathan was missing 3 teeths and face covered with blood, i think he could even have a brocken rib or something.

Am sitting on top of the car's capo when a feel a slight, fragile touch.

"You ok?" Wayne askes pulling a string of my hair behind my ear.

"...now I am." I smile to him and he returns a little small tiny one with a grin. I was about to say something else when he suddenly speaks

"Want to be my girlfriend or whatever?" He says looking exhausted, I chuckle

"Try a little harder and I might be." I say soflty with a small thin smile and he avoids my eyes but I still get to notice a small blush.

...................

Hey! So, yeah. This is my first ever published thing. Hope you enjoyed it and if you want a part two or to keep writing, am open to any suggestion! Am not very good with the warnings section so if you could help me with it, i would totally apreciate that!

Thank you for reading,

[harryspet]

little doe [3] peter parker

[WARNINGS] peter parker x named oc, doe is being the cute omega she is, oral sex, A/B/O dynamic, angst, soulmate au 

A/N: I finally found the way I would describe this relationship and have decided that Doe is Tarzan and Peter is Jane :)

In which Doe is nesting and Peter is still trying to resist his feelings.

Like reblog and let me know what you think!

word count: 2.3k

Peter was nervous to say the least. He was worried the Doctor somehow would know what he had done. If he knew … what was going to happen yesterday evening then he never would’ve called Pepper. He did the right thing in calling her, Peter thought, but why did he feel so guilty?

He explained to the Doctor what happened the day before minus the part where he gave Doe an orgasm. Doe was still fast asleep in her bed and Peter hadn’t touched her since he carried her there, no matter how badly he wanted. 

Peter felt a pang of something as the older man touched her forehead. Jealousy? “She’s still warm but I don't think she has a fever anymore. Whatever happened yesterday, must’ve been a rare case.”

“So she’s okay?” Peter asked. Deep down, he wanted nothing to be wrong so he didn’t have to send Doe back to the labs. Yesterday was stressful but he felt it might be more painful to not have her around. 

“The problem with not knowing where she’s from is I have no background information on her kind. I can only treat her as a human with special abilities. We don’t even know the extent of her abilities. She’ll probably sleep for a few more hours and you can call and give an update once she’s awake.”

Peter nodded, a bit relieved. The Doctor began packing his medical bag, “I’ll show you the way out.”

Peter started to feel a bit anxious after the Doctor left so he decided to go out on a swing. Whenever he was prowling the neighborhood, he always found someone in need of his help. Knowing he could do something to help someone always made him feel better.

+

As Peter landed on his balcony, he let out a tired breath, removing his mask as he stepped into his living room. He had just saved someone from a carjacking, helped someone's grandma carry groceries up the stairs, and finally found the guy who’s been vandalizing those art statues.

Not bothering to change yet, Peter walked to Doe’s room to check on her. When he didn’t find her in her own bed, he completely panicked. He called her name, searching all around the room before he heard a quiet voice. 

“Peter?” He turned around and there she was. 

“Jesus, how do you do that?” His senses were supposed to be elite yet she could sneak around him. Peter sighed, his heart beating fast. That’s when he noticed that she was wearing his shirt. It was a dark grey one that said ‘The name’s bond. Ionic bond’ and she had her bunny rabbit hanging at her side. 

Peter’s eyes narrowed at her, confused. She looked … different. This was the first time Peter saw her actually look tired. He blamed it on the sedative, “I see you’ve found my shirt collection,” Doe was quiet as she looked over Peter’s suit, her small feet padding across the carpet as she approached him, “What’s wrong, Doe?”

He didn’t understand why the first thing she did when she woke up was going to his room and dig out one of his shirts. 

She simply wrapped her arms around his torso, resting her head on his chest. He brushed her hair with his fingers, letting her find whatever comfort she wished from him.

Peter had never had to care for someone like this. He had saved the world but he had never been needed in this way. 

For the rest of the day, Doe wasn’t very talkative and she refused all the food Peter tried to give her. As he made himself breakfast, she watched from the corner of his eyes as she moved around the living room. She was piling pillows and cushions in the center of the room, her eyes glancing over to the TV every once and awhile. Tangled was her chosen movie today and he was sure he’d watch that at least ten times today. 

As Peter walked into the living room with his cup of coffee, he noticed that Doe had disappeared once again. Before he could call for her, she walked into the room carrying a huge stack of his clothes. She threw them onto her pile of pillows and cushions, “You know those aren’t blankets, right?” She went behind him, pushing him forward and encouraging him to sit down. 

Peter noticed how she not only had decorated the pallet with his t-shirts but randoms items she had found around the house. He was just the cherry on top. It seemed like organized chaos and she practically growled if he moved anything. He sat beside her as she watched the movie. 

Though Peter was a bit confused, he went along with it. It could be because of whatever happened yesterday or a reaction to the suppressants she was on. Whatever made her happy right now, he would do. 

As night approached, Peter tried to get Doe to eat something again, “Please eat, Doe,” Peter tried again and the girl frowned, “You’re making Peter sad. And very worried.” 

She refused again, only wanting to watch Tangle again. 

Peter sighed, defeated. 

For the first time in the past few hours, Doe finally spoke, “Peter?” She tapped his shoulder. He was laying down, thinking about what the hell he was going to do when MJ finally showed up. Peter sat up on his elbows and watched her point to the TV, “Why?” 

It was the sad moment at the end of the movie where Rapunzel thinks Flynn is dead but her magical tear ends up saving his life. As she realized he was alive, she hugged him and pulled him in for a kiss, “Why do they kiss?” Peter tried to get her to elaborate. 

“Kiss?” She pushed her two pointer fingers together. 

Peter’s face reddened as he nodded, “Well ..” He cleared his throat awkwardly, “People kiss when they like each other.” 

Her eyes were focused on his and for a moment, his eyes wandered to her lips, “Peter not like Doe?”

“Of course I like you, Doe,” Peter said quickly but he wasn’t sure how to explain this, “It’s a different kind of like.”

“Different kind of like?” She repeated and it always amazed him how quickly she learned and pronounced the words, “Doe different kind of like Peter. Peter not different kind of like Doe.”

Peter had girls tell him they were interested in him before. He always rejected people because he thought they only liked him because he was Spiderman. This was different. 

“I-” He was at a loss for words and, as his eyes wandered down to her lips again, he was caught off guard when she leaned into him.

Her lips gently pressed into his and Peter’s heart exploded. There wasn’t any movement and Doe quickly pulled away, “Peter like?” Peter held her neck and pulled her in again. He answered with his actions. He moved his lips against hers, hoping she would follow his movement, and she did. 

Doe touched his chest and just the feeling her touch had Peter wanting more. Peter wanted what he couldn’t have. What he shouldn’t have. It wasn’t fair how pure she was, who was he to corrupt that? Was it bad that he wanted to?

Peter was the one to pull away, wincing as he realized what he had done, “Peter … I-I,” It was the first time she had spoken in something other than third person, “I different kind of like Peter.”

“Why, Doe?” Peter asked this time. 

She pressed a hand over his heart and then pressed a hand against her own chest, “Mine. Peter.. mine.”

Maybe in her world, the heart was a symbol too. 

He let her sleep in his bed that night. 

+

Peter woke to Doe sweating against him. Disoriented, Peter turned on the lamp by his nightstand. She was writhing in her sleep, her eyes closed, and Peter realized it was happening again. He touched her and he felt the fire beneath her skin. He didn’t understand how she was sleeping, “Doe,” He tried to shake her shoulders but she only turned her head as if she was trying to get away from the monster in her nightmare.  

Peter placed a cautious hand on her waist, his shirt now resting above her navel, and he could fully see her panties. She moaned when he touched her but her eyes were still closed, “Peter,” She whimpered in her sleep, and Peter wanted badly to save her from her nightmare. 

Like she did to him the day before, he kissed her neck, leaving lovebites along her skin. She moaned louder, now starting to move against his touch, as he touched her more. 

He knew what relieved her heat last time and Peter thought, since she was sleeping, she might not remember what he was about to do. He reached into her panties, touching her as he did before, rubbing circles over her sensitive area. 

He was going to take care of her. 

He moved over her body, kissing her neck and then moved down to her stomach. She was already soaking wet and Peter wanted nothing more to taste her. He removed her panties, dragging them down her legs, as she continued to whimper his name.

He loved being needed like this. Like she might explode if she didn’t have him. 

He set himself between her legs, holding her thighs tightly, as he dipped his tongue between her folds, “Please, please, please,” She moaned something in a foreign language, her hips grinding into him because she was starved for more friction. 

She tasted amazing and her moaning only encouraged him further. He used his group on her thighs to hold her in place as he worked his magic. He lapped at her folds, paying special attention to her bulb. 

Peter imagined being inside of her, taking her innocence, and having her all to himself for the rest of their lives. 

He licked up and then rubbed circles with his tongue until she went over the edge, “Peter!” She climaxed but Peter didn’t stop. He wanted more, at least one more before he could be satisfied. She was writing now, not because of the heat, but because of the overstimulation. 

He thought he heard her curse in her native language. 

When she met her second climax, Peter kissed the insides of her thighs, deciding she deserved some rest. As he moved from between her legs, he noticed her eyes were open now. She looked at Peter with a tired smile before she completely passed out. 

“Goodnight, my little Doe.”

Peter realized he’d have to take care of the situation growing in his pants on his own. 

+

Peter didn’t panic when he woke up in the morning and Doe wasn’t in bed. Doe’s heat had taken all the energy out of him and he woke up groggily. He figured Doe was building another one of those nests again as he walked out of his room that morning. 

“Peter!” Peter winced at the loud sound this early in the morning. He walked into the kitchen to find her. 

“Doe-” And then he saw MJ sitting at the head of the kitchen table. Doe was standing beside her, in another one of his t-shirts that said: “I found this humorous” and had a bone printed on it. 

“Good morning, Peter,” MJ smiled, looking over Peter’s shirtless body, with a raised eyebrow. “Nice of you to join us, Parker. We’re having a tea party … with Mr. Thumper,” MJ sipped at her empty cup as she gestured to the stuffed bunny sitting in the seat beside her. 

Doe walked over to him, a large smile on her face, and Peter realized the girl wasn’t wearing any pants. He wasn’t sure if she was even wearing underwear, “Sit, sit!” She told Peter, grabbing his hand as she led him to the seat opposite Mr. Thumper. 

This did not look good. 

MJ narrowed her eyes at him as Doe set down a mug and started to pour him some fake tea. 

Peter sipped at his fake tea as Doe moved over to MJ, bending down to whisper something into her ear. MJ only laughed at what was said. 

Peter’s eyes widened. Had they developed some lifelong friendship while he was sleeping, “What did she say?” Peter asked MJ and then looked to Doe, “What did you say, Doe?”

Doe only giggled, hurrying out of the room, “MJ? She’s keeping secrets from me? In my own apartment!”

“Calm down, don’t get your panties in a twist,” Peter winced, knowing what MJ was hinting at, “She thinks you have a crush on her, isn’t that weird?”

Peter was silent, his lips pressed into a thin line frustration, “She’s very imaginative. As you can see,” Peter gestured to the table. 

“Sure,” MJ smirked, “I just hope you’re ready to raise an alien baby.”

Doe came back with stale Oreos she most likely dug from the depths of his cabinets. She sat by Mr. Thumper, trying to feed him. Peter leaned against the table, his hands folded, “Doe, are you going to have something to eat today?”

She looked at MJ and Peter’s eyes widened even more, “I think you should eat, girl. Or else Peter’s going to-” MJ pointed at Peter before pretending her head was exploding. 

Doe giggled and, as much as Peter loved the sound, he was jealous. Doe looked at Peter and nodded, “Eat, please.”

Peter scowled at MJ before getting up from the table. He returned with coffee and toast, figuring he should reward Doe for giving it a try, “Good morning!” Doe exclaimed as she bit into her toast. 

“That means she’s excited,” Peter explained.

MJ smiled, “I figured.”

As Peter returned to his seat, he said, “I would offer you something MJ but I really hate that you’re here right now,” Peter faked a smile. 

MJ returned the smile, giving Peter an obscene gesture.

+

I’ve gotten a lot of support for this story lately so thank you guys so much! Send me an ask if you’d like to be added to the taglist. 

[disaster-fruit]

could you tell us more about the brarg family au with the 3 babies and trans luci?

I definitely can! This au has been living rent free in my head since i started that drawing and I was actually sketching more stuff for the AU right before I got this ask so- I definitely can ramble more about it

This was supposed to be just a collection of a few hcs and now it’s a multi-pages word document the size of a fanfic so – Im really sorry.

I didn’t think a lot about their backstories tbh, though I have it in my mind that Luciano transition in his late teens and that he and martin either met after that or knew each other before luciano came out, lost all contact, and then met again after (and you can blame oxiosas fic for that yeah im not even subtle)

But I imagine them having some sort of meet cute and kinda progressing really fast in their relationship without realizing – yk, its just a fling, no big deal, yeah ive met his parents, yes I basically spend every weekend in his apartment, yeah I have a spare key now, ops I guess we’re adopting dogs and plants together- oh I think we’re married. Yeah. We’re married.

Ok but for real Luci does the proper proposal-with-a-ring-and-knelt-down-on-a-special-day thing and Martin is just bright red saying yes over and over again

It is Afonso (port) the first to be all WHERE ARE MY GRANDCHILDREN like… the night of their wedding.

They live in a house in a not too big city with two dogs, one cat, one parrot and all the birds that Luciano feeds and names that aren’t actually theirs. Still, they choose the house with two spare rooms because they always talked about having two kids.

In this AU they can buy a nice house and don’t have to worry about money and can raise kids like the world isn’t ending.

I think right after they got married they got in line for adoption. However, everything indicated that it would take a long long time so they started talking about the possibility of trying to have a biological kid. I think luci was the one to suggest it when he noticed martin had been thinking about it but not saying anything for a while.

Lots of boring doctor visits and confused doctors looking at luciano and trying to process it like the dumb cishets they are. Boring exams and all that, but everything is on track eventually, luci pauses his hrt and keeps his jockstrap on the drawer and they’re googling the best positions for fertility on those weird cishet sites and doing it like bunnies etc etc

Getting pregnant the natural way after years of testosterone is not the easiest thing in the world, so it takes a while. But eventually it works.

Both of them are kinda freaking out with this whole first pregnancy thing. Martin is the ultimate protective husband, and spends way too much time on the internet finding out what luciano can and can’t eat, what exercises he should do, and going to every single doctor visit. He’s very committed to it.

Luciano has to drink non-alcoholic beer and hates life. There’s a single teardrop shed every time he buys it. And drinks a lot of lemonade like it’s the same as caipirinha. Poor guy. Martin doesn’t help on that, life isn’t fair, he buys his own beer.

But he also has to drive absurd lengths to find the weirdest fruit or make the most hideous, blasphemous pizza toppings because Luciano is constantly craving absurd shit. But poor baby actually really NEEDS that chicken M&M pizza at 8am.

They’re super proud daddies though, and both their instagrams at this point are just baby belly pictures. Luci had top surgery on this au on my hc so also. Lots of shirtless pics. He looks like an old uncle with a beer belly and he’s PROUD. Just. Baby bellies all over.

Martin picks the entire baby layette. Because of course he does.

Their baby shower is a huge deal though. Their dads are there, Antonio brings an entire trunk filled with diapers and tells everyone how many tincho used to need when he was a baby, Afonso is cooking for everyone and talking about how he’s gonna be a grandfather (!!!). Iracema (pindorama) is scolding Luci about his bad habits while also quietly being a super proud grandma. Zola (angola) bought toys because she knows that’s what kids actually like, Samero (Mozão) keeps asking if they installed all the necessary security stuff in their house – we will, chill, we still have some months to go – Vera (Tomé) is teasing Simão (Timor) about him no longer being the family baby, Fatima (g.bissau) is another one who bought a huge amount of diapers, Rosinha (cabo verde) is taking pictures of everyone and everything, Sebas and Dani are discussing if the kid should speak Portuguese or Spanish, Maria brought a huge pink plushy as a gift, it’s quite a party.

Once they’re late in the pregnancy, Luciano mostly spends his time on Martin’s oversized t-shirts asking for foot rubs and not getting much sleep because the baby keeps moving. Martin on the other hand is a little nervous about being a dad, but absolutely loves feeling the little kicks and talking to the baby all the time, except when its 3am and he wants to sleep but Luci cant because of it so he just does his best to keep him company. He mostly ends up falling asleep on his chest though and doesn’t help much

I wrote all of this but I still don’t have a name for the girl lol Anyway, she’s finally born, and if martin was overprotective when Luciano was pregnant, he’s ten times more with his baby girl. Tbh theyre both kinda going crazy with this whole parenting thing, both are overprotective, tired, and have no idea what theyre doing.

Zola and Sebastian are the girl’s godparents. Sebastian isn’t very good with kids so when he takes care of his niece he either puts on a tv show and lets her eat whatever crap she wants, or relies on Daniel to do the actual taking care, since he is good with kids.

Luciano and Martin are very much neurotic first-timers and have all this schedule of what their girl can eat and when and when she has to sleep etc etc.

When Zola takes care of her, she just ignores it and does it her way. She helped raised Luci since he was a baby anyway, he survived just fine and even married and reproduced, she knows what to do better than both the dumbasses, and they never even find out.

Afonso on the other had follows everything when he’s with his granddaughter, determined to be a better grandfather than he was a father, and the baby loves him so he’s doing a good job.

They’re a very cute family yes yes

She grows up well and happy, a bit shy maybe but very smart and sweet, loves the dogs and her aunts and uncles and granddads (afonso more than antonio though)

By the way, Iracema is soft like butter with her granddaughter.

When she’s about four or five years old they start talking about having a second one, considering the age difference and all. So back to doctors, Luci stops the hrt again and they go back to trying, but again it’s not the easiest thing in the world to do it naturally after years of hrt.

But god listens to the prayers of such good catholic family, and right after they start thinking about a second child, they receive the news they will finally get to adopt a baby.

Luciano is the one to receive the news, he’s working at home when the social worker comes to tell him they can finally adopt. He’s extremely happy, he hugs the poor lady and is barely able to concentrate as she explains the paperwork that is left and the details of it because he can’t stop smiling.

He immediately texts martin saying something like “CALL ME RIGHT NOW WE NEED TO TALK” and it’s in happy caps but martin understands it wrong and thinks someone is dying or dead but then his phone is what dies so he gets home as fast as he can thinking all the worst scenarios just to find luciano jumping on him with a smile for ear to ear. It’s such a shock he takes a while to react but when he does you have two idiots so happy they can’t function.

It’s another girl, she has big brown eyes like her sister and it’s a few months old.

They quickly reassemble the crib and paint the second room to get everything ready in time to take her home, and the next week or so it’s nothing but all the family visiting to meet their new baby.

Since they managed to adopt, they decided to stop trying to have another kid. Luciano goes back to the doctor do some routine exams so that he can go back to testosterone and the doctor just awkwardly explains that, well, that won’t be exactly possible. Not for the next eight months, at least.

He’s quite shocked at that, and takes him a while to tell martin. They just got a new baby and do they even have space to raise three kids? Eventually it just escapes from him and martin is shocked as well, but ultimately both of them are just worried about their place being too small, and once they relax about that they can’t shut up about having another baby on the way to anyone.

Still, it’s not easy to manage, martin is just as worried as he was with their eldest, except that this time he’s simultaneously worried about their new baby and about Luci’s pregnancy. Poor dude needs a break asap. So he’s trying to do most of the work of caring for a little baby to spare luciano from the stress, while also taking care of him as well as he did the other time.

Luci is more chill about being pregnant, he’s done this before, he’s fine. He’s even a little too chill about it, as shown in the art, he still wants to carry their kid on his shoulder and having a few sips of martin’s beer is no big deal and honestly he’s fine, he can help with the baby, and Tincho just needs to relax and it will all be fine.

Again, poor tincho needs a break.

Some things don’t change though. Them being super proud daddies who do nothing but take pictures of their kids and Luci’s belly every chance they get. And they’re really happy and excited to have their house full and this big family.

Just a good cute family AU where nothing bad ever happens thank you very much.  Yet it took me almost 2k words to say it. I have no self control and I’m very sorry. However, if anyone has their own hcs to add about this whole au, I will be more than happy to hear and talk about this AU even more than I’ve already done.

[razorblade180]

Lasting Embers pt6: Days in between pt1

[Sparring area, evening]

Ruby:Yujin! Hellooooo! You around here?

*nothing worn trees and target circles*

Ruby:Man this place takes me back. Huh?

*black hoodie on the ground*

Ruby:*picking it up* Looks about Yujin’s size; Dad did say she was training with Raven earlier. Must be hers. Wait a second... *flips it inside out*

*reveals a familiar bunny rabbit on the front*

Ruby:*Smiling* Never would’ve imagine this old thing would be around after 10 years. Looks like Yujin doesn’t wear you with the same pride her dad does. *folds it up* I bet she still misses you though; better find her so you two can reconnect.

[The House]

Jaune:That should do it.

Yang:*wrapped in bandages and gauze* Thanks...*sits down*

Tai:*brings her a sandwich* You should probably eat; you never got the chance to earlier.

Raven:It might be the reason Yujin fucked you up so bad.

Everyone:*looks at Raven*

Tai:Babe, really?

Raven:*red* What? I’m just saying if you ate then maybe you would’ve thought more clearly and not held back.

Yang:I wasn’t exactly pulling my punches you know? *chomp* I...just ran out steam alright? That’s all.

Raven:Really? Cause that final blow looked pretty dodge-able from where I stood; you could’ve counter attacked too. Instead you took it like a champ and let her vent.

Yang:What else was I supposed to do!? *holds her head down* seeing her look like that, like me back in the day. I couldn’t help but freeze up. She’s my kid after all.

Raven:*rubbing her head* Believe me, I get it. You’re not the only one to face their kid and see themself remember? *smiles*

Yang:*sighs* Guess somethings are just destined to repeat themselves. Maybe motherhood doesn’t exactly run in the family.

Jaune:Don’t say that.

Raven:You’re a great mom. That’s an undeniable fact.

Yang:*smiles weakly*

Tai:She’s not the only good mom in the room.

Yang:He’s right; not to mention a pretty kickass grandma. Thanks for being there for Yujin when I wasn’t. It means the world.

Raven:*embarrassed* Of course I’d look after her. She’s family... and looks like you. I’d be lying if I said she didn’t well.... make me feel like I got to be a parent. I would’ve traded that feeling though if it meant you stayed; I feel like I stole your moments with her. Guess I’m a bandit through and through.

Yang:You didn’t steal anything; you gave her what she needed. All of you did.

Tai:It takes a village right? I know that better than anyone. It takes all sorts of people.

Yang:Speaking of which.....Jaune, my dear husband.....

Jaune:(Oh boy....)

Yang:Would you care to explain why one of those people happens to be Adam Taurus? I promise I won’t get mad. *sandwich bread gets toasted*

Jaune:*looks at Tai*

Tai:*looks at Raven*

Raven:*glares at Jaune* She said your name; not mine.

Jaune:Sigh, fine. By any chance did Blake ever tell you how her new organization worked?

Yang:Of course, The Guiding Light is an organization made up of like minded Human and Faunus. They are lead by her with Sun as her right hand and head bodyguard. Members go across remnant helping struggling communities and meet with high ranking people to help change laws; not to mention organizer protest.

Jaune:Yeah but did she mention the other thing?

Yang:Yeah the whole team knows. *looking at the ceiling* Even with the strides they make people like the cult and citizens that are just stuck in their ways constantly disrupt them wherever they go; from road blocks to terrorist acts. So as a defense there’s a secret faction with no traceable ties to the main one that was made with the soul purpose of preventing the disruptions before they happened.

Raven:The shadow casted by The Guiding Light’s existence. A smaller group designed to be the hidden blade to an organization that shows itself as a shield. It’s sort or genius.

Jaune:The White Fang never disappeared; they just stopped barring their teeth. Blake and Sun lead the way in the light.....

Yang:Adam and Illia patrol from the shadows with their trained team; hand picked by Blake herself. As much as I don’t agree with that kind of method, it sure has done a lot of good. *chuckles* she told me that sometimes you need a friend in the shadows. I just didn’t think it would be him.

Tai:I’ve gotten the chance to meet him a few times. I got to say, he’s....something else.

Yang:What does this have to do with Yujin knowing him anyways?

Raven:After Blake left with you guys to go save the world again, Sun was left to be the face of the organization alone. He noticed that even though you guys were doing your best that some cult members slipped through the cracks.

Jaune:You guys were definitely hitting vital points and taking out key players but the underlings were bound to go unnoticed. Fortunately, Sun had a solution.

Tai:He sent the White Fang members to regularly gather intel and stop whatever plans they might have to start trouble. He also sent the strongest ones to watch over everyone’s families while you guys were away.

Jaune:Neo gaurds my family, Emerald checks in with Ren and Nora, Mercury constantly relays info, Illa goes to Atlas to meet with Whitley and make sure everything over there stays fine. As for Adam.....

Yang:Let me guess; he checks in with you?

Jaune:Once every couple months or so. More if something actually happens.

Yang:*irritated* I just don’t get why it’s him. Of all the people.

Raven:He’s still dead to most of the world. Patch is a small place where people tend to mind their own business. It’s the only real place for him to move freely.

Tai:Yeah I got feeling he can’t do that in Atlas.

Yang:Still, I’d rather him be the last person she ever met.

Jaune:What if I told you he saved her life before? That he’s the reason she’s even here right now.

..........

Yang:What.......?

Jaune:....It was Yujin’s eighth birthday. Adam always visited at night for his report; made things easier. Usually Yujin would’ve been asleep but....

Raven:A late night knock on the door during her birthday could’ve meant the thing she had been waiting for.

Yang:She thought it was me....of course.

Jaune:*chuckles* Looking back, the look she gave Adam was priceless. She wasn’t at all impressed. I had to drag her back to bed; I didn’t want her hearing the report just in case the worse happened. Unfortunately, I let my guard down. She snuck out of her room again; this time though she heard Adam say your name.

Raven:And tailed him all the way through the forest trying to catch up to him. No shoes, no parents, no anyone. Just a little girl in the woods at night desperately searching for clues. A perfect storm for disaster.

Jaune:The moment I realized she wasn’t in her room I sprinted through the forest. I heard a scream and ran right to it. Do you know what I saw? *clenching his fist*

Yang:.....

Jaune:Yujin in Adam’s left arm and his sword in his life right hand. Surrounded by grimm and the would be assassin of our daughter. She almost died that night all because I wasn��t at my best to be frank.

Yang:There’s no way you could’ve known though. It’s not-

Jaune:It is though. I patrol this place every day but her birthday. Not just because I’m celebrating; but because when I put her to bed I just end up sitting alone downstairs grieving. Because I couldn’t stand the thought of sleeping in that bed another night without you. Not knowing if we’re both waiting for nothing.

Yang:*grabs his hand*.......I....I don’t know what to say to that. Sorry doesn’t cut it; sorry doesn’t do any of you. Ten years.....is a long time. I thought it was hell for me but, I never realized just how hard things really got here.

Tai:Belive me, it was rough but we all what could happen and wouldn’t change a thing. Not even Yujin; that’s why she’s so frustrated.

Raven:Like her father she’s cunning and understands why things happen the way they did. But like both her parents, her emotions can run high. Just because she knows what was best doesn’t mean she’ll like it. She hates that about herself; logic and emotions just don’t mix well.

Yang:What happened after the fight? I assume Adam dealt with the guy while you grabbed Jin?

Jaune:Not exactly, I’m the one who killed him.

Yang:*eyes widened*

Jaune:Don’t look too surprised. You know I’ve killed before.....

Yang:Yeah and know how much you hate it.

Jaune:Well when push comes to shove I’ll do anything for my friends and family. No matter the cost. *clears throat* anyways after that night, Adam stayed a few days just in case. Even when he left Yujin sort of gravitated towards him a bit. Anytime he visited she’d ask him questions about you and fighting. He always answered.

Tai:We know you don’t like the guy but If you’re gonna remember the things he did to you, you should also recognize the things he’s done for you.

Yang:.....*sigh* Could this situation get anymore jumbled.

Raven:Well your daughter also has a baby crush on him.

Yang:*leans head back* Of course she does. That’s just....great. *processing* As much as I hate his guts, if I ever see him I’ll try playing nice.

Raven:Good, Tai and I are gonna head back home. It’s getting dark and maybe that’s where she’s run off to. *kisses her forehead* hold that head up high. It’ll work out.

Yang.Bye mom and dad; thanks for everything.

Tai:No problem sweet heart. Also Adam visits tomorrow.He always checks in the day of or after her birthday. *closes door*

Yang:......what?

•

Ruby:*Walking through forest clearing* I thought I’d find you around here. Off to visit mom’s grave again.

Yujin:*surrounded by plums of fading black smoke* Aunt Ruby, I’m not really up for a lecture.

Ruby:I’m not here to lecture you; I’m here to set the record straight. You’re mom left because of me.

Yujin:*stops and looks at her. Eyes still purple.*

Ruby:I said it was me, I’m the reason Yang left. I convinced her into going.

[andreacamille1]

Really love my friends house and all her treasures. She collects rocks too but her collection is so much bigger than mine🤷‍♀️😂 Her kitchen table and coffee table are both solid stone and carved. They're so cool. My favorite are the 3 huge white quartz rocks. I can't wait to go rock hunting with Aizen this summer. There's so much in Alaska that I haven't experienced and I can't wait to learn with Aizen. Theres Sheep Mountain that I never even heard of off the Glenn highway that's suppose to be real cool. Didn't do much today aside from look at my friends rocks, stay in bed and go to a fundraiser. I was suppose to go skiing for the first time with my friend at alyeska but I woke up feeling so yuck. Usually I always wake up around 6 but this time I slept in untell 10am😱😂 woke up, felt half dead.. cancelled on my friend like a douchebag, stayed in bed and finally went to this cool church fundraiser and silent auction where I won at bingo. Didn't win any of the silent auctions because I got.outbid on everything and didn't stand around at the end like alot of people. Next time i know what to do. Had alot of fun. I should of brought my grandma but I didn't know what I was doing untell I just kinda found it driving to starbucks😂 I was only planning to go to sb and then freds to get kale for my friends bunnies but I seen the sign and stopped. Man! My friends bunnies sure creep me out😂 I really thought I was going to like them but they are creepy!

My son got sick today too and the nurse called so my sister had to take the rest of the day off. I feel bed about that and now just wish his dad would've brought him down yeasterday. We were just worried about him missing school because he missed a week for hawaii and then a few days here and there because we both kept getting sick... that ending up adding up to alot of absences and his school sent a letter home about it that made us both feel bad about it. Now it seems like he's still going to miss more🤷‍♀️ We can only do what we can. Just always thankful we haven't ever got seriously sick. In WA they had this reuse and recycle group and everyone in the neighborhood posts items they no longer use or needed.. I loved that group! Anyway, I went to pickup a couch and met a mom with a son around the same age as Aizen at the time.. only 4 and he was going through cancer treatment. It caught me off guard and like an idiot I started to cry😱 The mom was like what the hell! I made her mad! Suppose to always be strong for kids and not feel sorry for them 🤷‍♀️ Point is.. ever since then I'm always so thankful for my son's good health. I would rather have something go wrong with me than have to watch him go through anything. I hope my sister knows how to take care of him. When our baby brother was born.. we were all worried to leave him alone with renee😱😂 I think because she acted younger than she was? She was the baby for 15years before my mom had our baby brother. Now she's learning. Aizen gets to be her teacher.

Here I didn't even make it to fred meyers today because I forgot after the fundraiser so no kale for the bunnies. They have their dry food untell tomorrow. Can't let my uncle see the bunnies because he might try and make stew or something. Then I'll really cry probably ❤

and i hope everyone knows everything always works out. I used to worry all the time about everything too but as soon as I stopped... its crazy how my life changed. I can't really explain it to people because when I try to.. they don't get it. Whatever you really want to have happen.. probably will if you can just stop trying so hard😂 I know it sounds stupid because you see people everywhere who don't do shit... so nothing ever happens or changes. but it's like you have to keep trying to go for something.. but almost forgot what you're going for... or detach from what you want so bad and just concentrate on what you do daily. Like if you really want to lose weight or something.. don't fantasize about looking perfect all day (maybe I used to do that😱😂) .. detach from what you really want and focus on daily habits.. small improvements. Totally forget about the way you look and just worry about what you're doing everyday. Time will pass and all of a sudden you'll look in the mirror and be so surprised that what you used to dream about.. maybe even almost gave up on.. is right there and you already have it. ❤ Same with everything else. Whatever you hope for.. you probably can get.. if you can just figure out what to work on each day... without becoming upset all the time because it isn't coming fast enough.. or getting pissed off because someone else already has it when you dont. I can't believe how many people make their own lives miserable thinking about what other.people are doing all day long without worrying about what they are doing themselves. If that's you.. please stop whatever you're doing.. sit down alone at a table... think long and hard about what you really want.. then write down what you want.. and right next to it write down everything you do each day. If what you do everyday doesn't get you closer to what you want... you really aren't doing shit. It doesn't matter how many hours you work or what you say you are doing either. Point is you don't have what you want and aren't taking steps to get it. Do us all a favor and shut the fuck up untell you figure out what you need to do to finally make yourself happy.

[nemossubmarine]

Warhammer 40k: Wrath & Glory RP #22

Hey, it’s the start of a new adventure, and with the leaving of Gorm and addition of Vivek the party’s average height has gone down like 30%. I wonder if that’s going to be at all relevant?

There’s about a day or so in between Gorm and Uffe leaving and anything interesting happening. Vivek and Saef spend it together. 

Vivek has decided to stay at Saef’s room, since he rather not take a stranger’s room and Gimlet lives between Gorm and Saef, so taking Gorm’s room won’t do either. 

Saef’s cool with this. 

They hang out and talk, Saef explains what has gone down at Dew Mountain (Vivek doesn’t explain at all about what has happened with him :P). 

Saef also mentions to Vivek that the Inquisitor has arranged him a teacher in all that psyker stuff. 

Vivek questions what might be the end goal of such an education. 

Saef shrugs and says he only wants to keep the Inquisitor happy for now. 

Vivek warns him that it’s plenty easy to get conscripted in a world such as this, so it might be relevant for Saef to ask about that before he gets drafted for something he doesn’t want to. 

Saef says ”thanks dad”, which flusters Vivek a bit. 

He tells him to get a better father figure. 

Saef shrugs and says that he somehow has managed to get quite a few dads, Gimlet, Vivek, his actual dad, who’s also on ship. 

Saef opens up to Vivek about how awkward the whole thing has been, having his family on board. 

He mostly tries to avoid them, because he’s pretty sure his family doesn’t want to see him. 

Vivek shrugs and says it might not be the case, but if this is what Saef is most comfortable with. 

Meanwhile, Gimlet stays inside his room and avoids Vivek the best he can.

But let’s cut to the actual happening-ons, Saef gets a text from Molly, where Molly asks him to get his friends and meet her at the teleporter. She has a favor to ask. Saef gathers Vivek and Gimlet and off they go. 

Molly explains that there’s an Imperial cargo ship adrift in space and it’s been calculated to hit Santa Maria within an hour. 

Santa Maria is planning on blowing it up, but Molly would like to take a peek at what the cargo is and whether it could be sold for cash-money. 

Namely she wants Saef and co to do it, and they have only about half an hour to do so before Santa Maria blows the ship up. 

So any ideas? 

Vivek suggests them hopping onto the ship and fixing the engine if it’s broken. 

Good idea, but there’s one problem. His name is Jimbo, he’s the new teleporter guy (RIP Paul, you are missed). He needs to be gotten out of the room so Molly can teleport our folks. 

Molly says all he knows about Jimbo is that he really, really likes space golf. 

Vivek asks if anyone knows anything about space golf a little too loud, and Jimbo (from the other side of the room) asks if someone mentioned space golf. 

Vivek grits his teeth for a bit, then turns on his smile and goes to talk with Jimbo. 

You see, Vivek is a space golf enthusiast but doesn’t actually know much about it, maybe Jimbo could teach him. 

Jimbo suggests they meet up for a coffee after his shift. Vivek agrees, and then tries to get Jimbo to show him his club right now, so he could talk golf better? 

Yeah it doesn’t work. So Vivek agrees that it’s a date. 

Jimbo gets quite flustered at that, he didn’t mean it as a date.

 Vivek pulls rank on Jimbo, saying that he’s a corporal of the Mechanicum army (technically still true?) and he doesn’t do or tolerate that kind of behavior (it wasn’t a date-date, it was we’ll meet there at this time and date-date), so maybe Jimbo could go and report to his supervisor about what he just did. Jimbo, defeated, does so. 

Vivek turns to the others and asks if he was flirting with the dude. 

The general consensus seems to be yes. 

Well, nevermind that, Molly starts working the teleporter and sends the trio in one by one (in order Vivek, Saef, Gimlet).

Our heroes teleport into a tight corridor of the ship. There’s a siren blaring and smell of blood in the air. 

Also, Saef recognizes the smell of tyranids. 

When he informs the others of this, Vivek says that his grandparents were killed by tyranids, to which Saef points out that his whole home planet was just decimated by tyranids. 

They pull out their weapons and start sneaking forward. 

There’s a window showing to the cargo room and Saef sees shadows moving inside. 

Upon letting everyone know, they duck so as to not let the people (or most likely xenos) inside know what’s up. 

There’s blood and servitor parts littering the room, and a broken down servo skull that Vivek checks out. 

It’s clear that our heroes can’t avoid the battle forever. 

Vivek asks what’s their usual battle plan. 

Saef says they usually just let Gorm go first, and then follow after him. 

Unfortunately there’s no Gorm around, so one of them has to go first. 

Vivek gets up, catches glimpse of the first genestealer (of two) and blasts off its lower left arm with a devastating blow. 

This is for my grandma, he says as he does it. It’s pretty cool, eyy. 

Saef gets up next and shoots the same genestealer, killing it. 

There’s a second genestealer still left. 

Gimlet shoots at it, and also manages to blast off its lower left arm, very cool-like. 

Unfortunately it doesn’t quite die and it charges through the new broken windows at the closest victim, which is Vivek.

It gets stuck in the window, but manages to attack Vivek quite severely (altho Skitarii don’t bleed, so who’s to say). 

Saef comes in to beat it up with his bludgeon. It’s quite shocking. 

Gimlet shoots at it over Vivek’s shoulder but the genestealer has not yet gone down.

 It attacks both Vivek and Saef with its next attack. Ouch. 

Vivek has noticed that there’s a pipe of some sort going above them, and he pulls off the vent of it with his magnetic abilities (dude’s one big magnet if need be). 

The pipe turns out to be a pipe for gasoline and it douses the genestealer. 

Saef manages to step out of the way in time to not get doused. 

Vivek then lights up a cigarette and drops his lighter into the gas, lighting the poor genestealer aflame (but it looks damn cinematic).

The genestealer rushes back out of the window and dies on the cargo bay floor. 

Combat’s over, yay! 

Gimlet goes to give Saef some first aid. 

Vivek wanders off to check the other stuff in the hallway, which turns out to be a skeleton of a small child with a small bunny plushie next to it. 

Vivek loots it and then goes to examine the cargo bay. 

Gimlet offers Vivek first aid as well, but Vivek says he’s fine. 

Both Gimlet and Saef can see this is not the case. 

Saef asks Vivek to accept some medical attention, ”for me buddy?” 

Vivek pulls Saef aside a bit, and notes that Gimlet’s the reason he currently wanders around without an arm and an eye, so he doesn’t exactly trust him to get anywhere near his wires. 

But fine, he’ll do what Saef asks, as long as Saef keeps an eye on Gimlet. 

Vivek asks Gimlet to take a look at the spot where the Genestealer’s hit has driven a piece of his armor into his side and Gimlet does so, without any fuss. 

Vivek thanks Gimlet. 

Then they turn their attention to the cargo. Vivek and Saef open some of the boxes of cargo in the room. 

All seem to contain guns that Saef recognizes being used by gangers on Dew Mtn. 

Well, there’s plenty of them, but is this what Molly was hoping, who knows. 

But first a more pressing matter, turning the ship back on. 

Our heroes make their way to the engine room where Vivek and Saef immediately show their ignorance on all things technical (Vivek offers to say some prayers). 

Gimlet points out that the engine isn’t broken, it’s just turned off and it’s easiest to turn that back on from the control panel, in the cockpit. 

So that’s where our heroes head. 

The doors to the cockpit are jammed shut but there’s holes from guns littering the door and one hole big enough for our heroes to get through. 

Inside they find several dead genestealers as well as a dead space marine, who’s body has been eaten from inside his power armor. 

Gimlet immediately recognizes the space marine’s armor and says it’s a Red Corsair, a type of Chaos Space Marine known for pirating. 

Vivek puts out his cigarette on the dude’s armor. 

Gimlet turns the engine on and everything's smooth sailing, except the gas light is on, for some reason hmm… 

Saef and Vivek go attempt to put the panel Vivek tore off back on, but it’s too high up so Gimlet comes to help, lifting Saef up to get the panel back on. 

That figured out they return back to the cockpit and notice that the ship was on autopilot, heading somewhere in Dew Mtn and it’s now asking if that should be continued. 

Saef calls Molly and let’s her know that the cargo is shitty cheap ganger guns, and also a chaos space marine. 

Molly is a bit surprised at that, it is an Imperial cargo ship after all. 

She leaves getting rid of them to Saef. 

So, can our heroes sell these totes illegal guns to someone? 

Saef says he knows a weapon sales’ person by the name of Sheila on Civitas A. 

She dealt guns to a lot of gangers, from similar crates. 

Unfortunately she is super-annoying, but it’s worth a shot to check if she’s still alive and in the business. 

Vivek takes the pilot’s seat (well co-pilot’s seat as the Red Corsair is on the pilot’s seat proper). 

Gimlet investigates the body of the Red Corsair more carefully. 

He finds the Corsair’s bolter and on it ascribed the name ”Nemeroth”, who Gimlet knows to be a Red Corsair warlord that supposedly died 120 years ago. 

Saef carries some of the bodies out of the cockpit to give them room to manage the ship. 

As he does so, he hears some kind of mechanical sound coming from underwater, or under gasoline in this case. 

He follows it and finds the servo skull that is attempting to make some kind of sound, but its speaker is broken. 

Saef brings the skull to Gimlet to look over. 

There is a radio on the ship that Vivek has turned on. 

Apparently Red Corsairs are really into metal. 

But the skull could be hooked up to the speakers as well. 

As Gimlet fiddles with the skull, he asks Vivek whether Uffe has a crush on him or not. 

Vivek seems quite taken aback by the question, asking on what observation Gimlet is basing this on, he has only ever seen Vivek and Uffe together twice, and it’s not like Gimlet has any particular great insight into what kind of person Uffe is like. 

Gimlet is quite persistent at the point. 

Vivek points out that Space Marine’s don’t do romance / sex anyway, so he must be mistaken. 

Saef chimes in about these books he’s read that say something quite different.

Vivek makes the point that those have been written by people who find Space Marines attractive, plenty of those around, Vivek may or may not belong in that category (just because he likes a man who could snap him in half with one hand…), don’t mean they are accurate to what happens in real life. 

As they are arguing the point, Gimlet hooks up the skull into the speakers and it starts blasting off a message about Elysium and Grand Inquisitor Fane. 

Vivek asks if this Fane person is a friend of Gimlet’s. 

Gimlet says an Inquisitor by the name of Fane did live, 120 years ago. 

So is this some kind of time travel thing?

 Saef goes to check out the weapons and comes to the conclusion they have been made maybe two months ago, max. 

So at least those aren’t from the past. 

There’s also the question of servitors, as far as Vivek can see, they’re not official Triplex Phall -variety, so someone’s making unofficial servitors, great. 

Gimlet is also worried since Grand Inquisitor isn’t a title in the Inquisition. 

Vivek suggests perhaps this Fane fellow liked to be called a Grand Inquisitor in bed (eyebrow waggle). 

Gimlet doesn’t really get what Vivek is saying so Vivek calls him a bit of a virgin. 

Gimlet leaves the cockpit. 

Saef stays with Vivek and teases him about Uffe a bit more, though Vivek can see that Saef is just ribbing him. 

He does admit that Uffe is kinda cute, Saef says he doesn’t really see it, but ”you do you”.

And that’s all for the first session of this adventure. Plenty of mysteries abound. Next time, some weapons selling and possibly something more.

[peachblossomsofair]

When JM is away, and JK comes to play...

So... we all know what happened. (If you don’t, then simply check my other posts from today.)

My inbox was oddly quiet for almost an hour after it happened. Hence I asked what my readers thought and felt 💙💛. Below are what I have received:

Those that speak the plain truth:

Anonymous said: Your inbox is quiet prob cus JK just mass killed all KM, JM & Jk stans.

Anonymous said: Oh, and all haters also found dead in a ditch somewhere I guess.

Anonymous said: My first comment after jungkook's spam: I ask jikook to breath, not to TAKE MY BREATH AWAY

Those who are very calm:

Anonymous said: I don't know why everyone was shocked like this all looks jungkook to me :D

Anonymous said: Was it just me who knew? As soon as I saw the first set of pics jk posted I knew there would be a video of jimin he would post next. There is no way he can resist showing his bias and has to go one extra step to prove that.

Anonymous said: Jk in a subtle way showed that they are together 24/7. I won't complain tho ✊

Those who don’t know what hit us:

Anonymous said:Jungkook. Cat. Sun. Moon. I’m being delulu, right?

Anonymous said: I only know that jk came like an earthquake today. It was unpredictable, fast and strong. KM left me speechless, shook and the whole time twitter was sending notifications and people were tweeting about this phenomenon deep inside me a voice was talking to me "let's get it". It was jungkook. In that precise moment i knew. They're coming for our assess and I'm thrilled.

Anonymous said: IM STILL SCREAMING!!! WHEN I GOT THE NOTIF FOR THE FIRST TWEET I WAS LIKE SKAKSJSJ HE BREATHES!! THEN I PRAISED HIM AND THEN THE TWEETS KEPT COMING & MY BRAIN SHUT OFF COMPLETELY I WAS KEYBOARD SMASHING LEFT & RIGHT & THE HE STOPPED FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES & TWEETED 3 VIDEOS, NOT JUST ANY VIDEOS BUT JIMIN VIDEOS AND I LOST IT THE TABLES REALLY DID TURN

Those who felt it’d happen, before it happened:

honeybyeol said:This is kind of funny. Last night I dreamt that Jungkook did a vlive on his own. Everybody was freaking out that he finally came on to social media. Then when I woke up my Twitter notifications were going off and it was Jungkook was spamming Twitter with Jimin. Pretty neat haha

Those who know what to expect after:

Anonymous said: What. Is. Happening. Why are we getting spammed by JK. Waiting for the hets to explain this away with IU.

[and anon is correct. I got flooded by theories concerning IU]

Those who complain about being full (but still don’t mind being fed more):

Anonymous said: HOW ARE THEY NOT TIRED OF STICKING TO EACH OTHER? This is a question I will never stop asking. They don't even take small breaks like while walking at the airport or in the plane? The best representation of this was when they were checking in yesterday in Malta and the entire group was doing something while km were a bit far away playing together, in their own world. I would go mad no matter how much I love my bf.

Those who went through a journey:

Anonymous said: Okay so let me start with... AHDNDIXNSJEOLXHSIENCHSMBXUDNSJ. Okay now that I got that out of my system. Idk what this feeling is but a lot of TKers went to my account on both twt and tumblr to talk about how hey were winning when t/k posted selcas about being in the same room (hunting that they shared a room) then the videos came back and my inbox was suddenly so silent. It kinda feels like karma bit back? I was laughing so much but yeah XD

Those who are just plain happy:

Anonymous said: hi🍑🌸😊I was out of the house for 1.5 hour helping my grandma and when I was back home and checked twitter out I was like: "who t h are you and what did you do to our Kookie?!" JK got really wild with spamming us. Now I think that Kookie is precious cute bunny, incredibly talented and caring. We all know Jimin is not with a very good terms with Twitter rn yet we have JK to deliver these gems. I have no dubts he posted it not for us only, but for JM to make him smile and laugh in first place🙂

i-am-jikook-trash said: I think I just saw heaven honestly, JK (who bare posts on Twitter mind you) suddenly posting 3 videos (all about JM) and GCP (which is beautiful btw) left me in a very shock state. I don't think I've even recovered yet

Anonymous said: Since kookie is my bias, I was freaking out when I saw everything he posted. The selcas made me swoon, but the videos are what really got me. It's so nice to see jimin and kookie spending so much time together, and in good spirits when in each other's company. They really are attached at the hip and despite what anyone says, jimin is kookie's muse.

Anonymous said:Jungkook is that type of bf who loves recording and making fun of his partner (in a cute, good way). I loved the videos, I couldn't stop smiling

Anonymous said:JK would do anything to make JM laugh and adores dorky JM so much. And I adore seeing this JM through his lense! Three times!!! The last cryptic tweet was just the cherry on top. What has he been up to today?

And me 🍑🌸? It was: “wow, such beautiful views” to “WOW, HOBI!!!!” to “hmm, that hair colour looks nice on JK” to “JIMINIE CUTE” to “is JK drunk?” to “...” to “!!!” to “LOLOLOLOLOLOL” to:

#what has he been eating in Malta?

#can we feed Bunny that from now on?

[lore-a-lie]

Chapter 1: Her Threads Dividing Heaven From Hell

Daily Life

Kaede opened her eyes to the sound of her door sounding on the verge of breaking rather than the announcement, so sleep must have won out after all at some point. She shot from the bed to open it while it was still in one piece and became smothered by something big and warm for her efforts.

“GONTA IS SO HAPPY KAEDE’S NOT DEAD!”

Well, that answers who has her trapped in a bear hug right now at least.

“Umm. Yes. I’m not. That may change in a bit if you can’t let go a little but I’m definitely alive right now.”

“OH. Whoops, Gonta is sorry. Gonta came by because he got worried, Gonta was asking the others why you hadn’t come to breakfast yet and Kokichi said it cuz you were too busy being dead.”

“... Excuse me?”

“Well Kiyo said you might be talking to Shuichi’s hat, but Kokichi insisted you were so sad you just died of loneliness. Like his bunny.”

“... What?” (Should I be happy Kokichi chose to make it sound less like I lost my mind or committed suicide over a boy I knew for only a few days or offended he put this idea in Gonta’s head at all?)

“Everyone will be so happy to see you fine!”

And with that and little that could be said to stop him Gonta “escorted” Kaede to the dining hall like a true gentleman should. If it was more socially acceptable to practically to carry the “lady” in question somewhere she wasn’t really going in the first place. Inside she found evidence of Kirumi in the kitchen, Kibo having an argument with Kokichi about his robophobia, and Korekiyo sitting further apart eating on his own. Somehow. Without taking off his mask or undoing the zipper. No time to get distracted though.

“Hello everyone! As you can see I’m not dead, nor have I lost my mind and taken to talking to inanimate objects. So what’s been going on?”

“Well Kibo’s here so you are still totally talking to an object right now but okay, we’ll pretend to believe you! It’s not like you’ve ever lied to us before or anything.” It was hard to tell if the grin on Kokichi’s face as he spoke was one of mockery or malice considering his words, but the reminder stung all the same.

“I am not an object! I just finished explaining that-”

“And I wasn’t listening. Obviously. We’re still just waiting for everyone else to show up, and I was thinking it was pretty weird for us to be up soooo early and ready to plan while our “Leader” moped in her room over some emo murderer some more.”

“Huh? That’s not what you told Gonta-”

Korekiyo chose to interrupt Gonta’s confusion to try and smooth over the conversation without Kokichi’s excuses or lies derailing things. “It’s good to see you are doing better at any rate. And as it sounds like my own suggestion has been misconstrued I merely offered that you had taken our friend’s hat with you with the intent to use it as a coping mechanism to help you through your grief. Briefly as we’ve known each other you two had connected rather strongly, what happened to him was very traumatic, and you were clearly distraught. Belittling any chosen methods to help you deal with your loss or questioning your mental health were never my intentions. There are far less conventional means of doing so after all and no one should judge you for mourning the loss of a life. Particularly one who helped save all of our own in a way.” Kokichi flinched a little at the cold glare Korekiyo directed at him as he finished.

“Are you feeling better this morning Kaede? Can I get you anything? Is there anything you’d like for breakfast?” Kirumi came out of the kitchen with a cart stacked with food and began to effortlessly lay out the filled dishes on the table without breaking her concerned eye contact with Kaede.

“No, I… Thank you for your concern but I’ll be okay. Maybe something simple like pancakes? Only if you’re already planning on making something, I don’t want you to feel you have to do anything.”

The pancakes helped give some sense of normalcy and were easily the best she’d ever had, but if grandma ever asked after all this was over she’d still have to say hers were the best. She took a seat between Korekiyo and Kokichi as she waited for the others to arrive. Miu arrived a few minutes later and made a beeline for Kibo’s side where they started animatedly talking about something. Hopefully work safe. It sounded like it might be about making upgrades to some of Kibo’s features, since for an Ultimate he is rather underwhelmingly normal and now they really have the time to help change that.

It was after Angie came springing in that Korekiyo had eaten enough to go back to “Professor” mode and give a lecture about the cultural trivia and origins related to their food, though only Kaede and Kirumi paid it any attention. Kokichi was more focused on trying to get a reaction out of Kibo and Miu over anything he could, which proved as effective as it was amusing for him.

Benefits of sitting close to the two creepiest kids of this hodgepodge group of friends: the not-so-local religious zealot can’t ask you to join her cult and both love the sound of their own voices so much there’s little pressure to do much talking yourself so you can just focus on eating and breathing and trying to get the images of that godforsaken trial or Rantaro’s corpse out of your head for a few minutes of peace.

After Angie came Kaito, Ryoma, and Maki. Kaito must have tried dragging both of them here, but since Ryoma is here he was likely only a token effort while Maki looked ready to kill something. (Maybe she’s so good with kids because she scares them too much for them to risk giving her trouble but not enough to the point she stops being “cool”? She does look kinda badass right now, in a scary sorta way.)

Tsumugi, Himiko, and Tenko were next, which was a bit odd for a girl as energetic as Tenko to be so late.

Once everyone was together it was time to start planning on what everyone was going to do. The day before everyone finished exploring all of the newly unlocked areas. Tenko even set up a little poolside date for most of the girls and Kibo. Maki wanted to stay in her lab again instead and Miu was too busy due to a project Kaede asked her about so she pushed for Kibo to go in her place. (No one really knew what to make of these memories about the Ultimate hunt either since Rantaro was no longer with us.)

“Has anyone else watched those tablets the Monokubs gave us? I tried to but when saw that I got someone else’s I stopped so I didn’t see the whole thing.” (What? More tablets? When? Why?)

“Kaito got one too? Atua said the one Angie got would mean nothing to her, so I just started trying to incorporate it into a sculpture instead for now. Since damaging it was said to be against the rules.”

“Wait what do you mean you got someone else’s? Mine had my name plainly written on it but it wasn’t anything special.” Tsumugi sounded very confused, almost concerned, by this turn of events. But even she knew what was being talked about, which was more than Kaede could say. (I better fix that then.)

“I didn’t see anything when Gonta got me this morning, what are you guys talking about?”

“What, really Kaede? We all get motives delivered beyond our doorstep and you can’t even get ahold of yourself enough to even notice? Jeez, some “Leader” you are-”

“OI, watch it you brat! Besides if these are motives it might’ve been for the best most of us didn’t fucking see ‘em.”

Kibo was quick to latch onto this idea. “I agree with Kaito! If they are truly intended as “motive videos” for us I think the easiest way to protect ourselves from this threat is to ignore them.”

“Oh come on, it’s because they’re motives that we need to know what’s on them all! If we don’t check ‘em we’ll have no idea what we’re up against. Especially if not all these videos have a one to one switch, who knows who’s seen what by now! Doesn’t take much to lie about this ya’know.”

“You are suggesting we all divulge the contents of whatever video we were given yes? Have we and the owners of their respective videos no right to privacy anymore?”

Everyone started arguing over what to do, some sharing who’s videos they had while others refused despite trying to find out who had their own. If Kaede didn’t do something people would probably leave to take matters into their own hands, and who knows what that could lead to. (Well Shuichi and Rantaro know now, don’t they?)

“Wait everyone! Kokichi might have a point here.” She tried ignoring the look of shock that quickly changed to one of smug superiority on Kokichi’s face, but she certainly had everyone’s attention now.  

“If we watch all of these videos together we’ll better know what’s being used against us. Depending on the contents of the motives it may also be good to have others to talk to about them too, rather than dealing with any stress they could cause alone. I don’t see anything Monokuma wants us to have being purely for our own benefits after all, and who knows if the contents of these are even true or not.”

Everyone quieted down to weigh their options. Ryoma was the first to speak up.

“Not all of these motives could even lead to a person trying to kill you know. I just want to know what reason Monokuma thinks would work on me.”

“Gonta thinks it could also help us get to know each other better! Gonta never watched movies with friends like this before.”

“And what of those of us who would rather not know? Or those who think their video could do more harm than good? Will you just force us all to participate for the sake of your own paranoia?” Maki’s deduction hit a little too close to home, but Kaede ignored that best she could. It was a fair point.

“Come on now Maki Roll, it can’t be that bad. And if you don’t want to know what your own video’s about you can just leave the room for a bit or something. If it’s because the idea scares you then at least we’ll be able to let you know if those worries were founded or not and help you through it either way!”

The look on Maki’s face was enough to reconsider how safe of a plan this really is. Or at least think twice about using that cutesy nickname for her as that’s when this glare started, not that Kaito noticed. (But this was the easiest way to regain some faith in my friends again. The easiest way to prevent another Shuichi.)

“Well everyone let’s just take a vote then! If we want to watch the videos we’ll find a way to hook them up to the projector in the AV room, and if we don’t we’ll just gather up all of the videos and decide on a safe place to lock them all up as a group. Since Angie mentioned destroying them isn’t an option for us.”

Ryoma’s hand was the first up when voting for the videos, followed by Kokichi, Gonta, Kirumi, Kaito, and Kaede. Tsumugi took a while before saying how since she already saw her own video it wouldn’t be right to vote any other way. It looked like Tenko was going to wait for the “no” votes but when Himiko raised her hand so did she.

Maki, Angie, Kibo, and Korekiyo voted against it. Miu said she wasn’t really interested either and already had other projects to work on so she just didn’t want to be put in charge of projector duty.

With the results in, 9 for it to the 5 against,  it was easy for Kaede to announce their decision. “So looks like that’s settled then! Think we could watch them all tonight, about when nighttime starts? It’ll be better to get this over with sooner rather than later to keep more of us from peeking early.”

“I guess I’ll take a look at the projector now and tell ya if it’ll look like I’ll need to make any adjustments to it for this to work, but sure sounds like a plan so far. Or ya’know even if it doesn’t we can just bunch together and use the tablets directly while we netflix and chill-”

“I’m fairly certain that’s not a program any of us have access to nor is “chilling” a part of neutralizing a potential threat on our lives.”

“I think it’s plainly obvious that’s not exactly what she had in mind Kibo.”

In an effort to keep Tsumugi from explaining the “joke” to the naive robot right now Kaede carried on. “So anyway I guess we’ll just have some free time for ourselves for now!”

As everyone left the dining hall at that implicit dismissal Kokichi took a moment to pull Kaede aside.

“What are you playing at here exactly?”

“I don’t get what you mean.”

“I suggested the video thing and you just agree with it? You even twisted my words to make it something easier for the others to swallow to help them see it “your way”. What are you trying to get here?”

“I’m choosing to trust your judgment on this, even if our reasons for both coming to this conclusion differ. While I may be the leader this is a role your talent’s better suited to and I think working together like this can benefit everyone”

“... Even though I’m a liar. A lying liar who lies. Who nobody really likes if they have two brain cells to rub together. How do you even know I’m not lying about my talent? Or that I’m not hoping you’ll mess up so badly this buddy-buddy thing you’re trying to foster between us crashes and burns?”

“Because you’re smarter than me, possibly all of us. And putting our lives at risk could be just as dangerous to your own. You caught onto what Shuichi was doing… Long before I did. You’re able to point out when I’m doing more harm than good, and unlike me, you aren’t afraid to play the bad guy.”

“Who says I’m playing? I’m the Ultimate Supreme Evil Leader after all. And getting everyone killed would totes be to my benefit for this game.”

“Well, I think you’re lying right now. Because if you were it’d be more to your benefit to keep all this to yourself, since I’m more predictable to you than you are to me.”

“... I’m not sure if this attitude is making you more interesting or just a total snooze fest.”

“Then I guess time will tell won’t it?”

                    Previous Chapter      AO3 Version      Next Chapter

[artdjgblog]

​Innerview: Richard Noggle / ​Larryville Life ​Feb. 2012​

Image: DJG (via Michael Bay action film generator)

Note: Questions on art and a forthcoming exhibition.​

01) Can you give us a general sense of your style and techniques as an artist?  And who are your influences?  And could you please incorporate one of those "my work is like _________ meets ___________" comparisons that critics love so much?

My style typically consists of whatever mood/feeling I'm in or whatever sorts of things I've got to work with around me. I guess there are some consistencies as I keep coming back to found objects, collage, scribbles and junk. Range of like-minded artistic kin stretch from my grandma to folk art to Henryk Tomaszewski to Seymour Chwast to Ray Johnson to Basquiat to Saul Steinberg and even Pee-wee Herman, Dr. Demento and Jim Henson. Daily influences include a mixture of intuition, conversation, observation, humor, stains on teeth, animals, anxiety, faith, layered language, worlds interacting with worlds, things that look better weathered, markings on pavement and beyond blah-blah. I watch a lot of movies too. It's hard answering the "comparisons" question as I'm not always on the outside looking in. What do you think? I've had some people compare the found object work to Robert Rauschenberg. That's a pretty tall order though. I never really think about that stuff. Steve Brisendine of Art KC 365 kindly put me at, "He isn’t just in touch with his inner child; the two of them must hang out on a regular basis, playing with scissors, magazines and construction paper…Some of his creations…are meticulously assembled. Others look as though they were fueled by half a box of frosted cereal, washed down with a two-liter bottle of something sugary and caffeinated." Can I just say, "My work is like the Garbage Pail Kids meets Ren & Stimpy."?   02) Your newest First Friday exhibition in KC is titled "Mouth Breathing at the Wick to the Apocalypse."  What is the show about and is it going to convince us (or convince us even further) that the world is ending in 2012? I was actually quite anxious titling it this, but I kept coming back to it/it kept coming back to me. And it extends further than just the 2012 stuff. There's a lot to chew on and this title just works for the times and within my own body of work. It's definitely a conversation stimulator. The following is what I wrote for Chad Thomas Johnston's web site (@Saint_Upid). Actually, this one was slightly revised for my own blog: Every living thing has a date of expiration. When that date comes, I believe, is in much bigger hands…as well as with a personal healthy dose of daily walk and decision. And Lord knows we’re all trying to put the wicks out to something we have to face, large or small, Earth or individual. We love to control, alter, even bring about more things in the process. Let’s all truly breathe and make space instead of picking up the pace and filling up out pants. Put the hand to the mouth…you’re still breathing. All of this also goes towards those who stand around waiting for things to happen on an individual level. I don’t know, life is about balance. I struggle every day. People are so focused on 2012 predictions and doom ‘n’ gloom when life is still in the now. For those wishing to sidestep the recent holiday cheer, there was even an “Armageddon Week” during Christmas on the History Channel. Yeah, fascinating, but let’s not over do it. If this is our last official year, then let’s just take one long holiday! Who knows? I don’t think any man truly does. But, when that day comes we will be there with the cameras rolling, breathing heavily, awaiting to capture and recapture a thing that we’ll either be too dead to see or won’t have the grid or battery power to reconnect with. Let’s find the art and beauty in the rubble that is the now. This all sort of fits into my exhibition title “Mouth Breathing at the Wick to the Apocalypse.” It also just speaks for the body of work I’ve been creating the past year, perhaps many years. I don’t aim to alarm or hoover heavily. If anything, the spirit in the art is quite jovial and optimistic. Per usual, I want people to have a soak and smile. Some of the ideas initialized in a 2002 sketchbook I did as a janitor as well as writings over the past half decade. In the end, it just has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? 03) We've been examining some of your pieces over at the gallery on @Saint_Upid's site and Chip, quite frankly, doesn't "get" some of it.  Can you explain that Fox Food 2/ bunny piece to him? I've been saving up each week's grocery store ad papers. I like to cut out the meat and various food chunks and make animals. I've got a fox and a rabbit. The fox is titled "Fox Food No. 1" and the rabbit is "Fox Food No. 2." So, eventually the rabbit gets eaten by the fox. Get it? 04) What other projects do you have in store for what may well be the last year of humanity's existence as we know it? I made a life-size bison (on paper) outlined in grocery store meat ads and splattered with coffee. He'll be at the exhibition hiding in a corner. I've also got a snake on a board made out of chewed up Dubble Bubble. My jaw is kind of sore this week. I think that's it for the gum art. There will be a few others in the show too. Other projects in the coming months? Well, I'd like to knock out another music video this year. I'm trying my hand and patience at stop motion animation. Emphasis on "trying." I'd like to have a 2nd exhibition at 1819 Central this year. I'm thinking of doing a photography show, but I'll just see what art I make between now and the fall. Ultimately, I'd like to make some money on this art thing. We'll see. I'll also have a piece in the forthcoming Middle of the Map Fest art show in April. I still need to make that one. 05) We know you are a huge movie buff, since we talk movies with you on Twitter quite often.  What's the best off-the-beaten-path film that you've watched recently that our readers should see and then talk pompously about at the Pig while  pretending like they discovered it themselves? Uh, Transformers? I watched that and Take Shelter recently. Michael Shannon could destroy a Transformer by staring at it...sure to be an Academy Award favorite. 06) When are you going to make a Larryville visit and drink a PBR with us? I don't have the street cred to call it Larryville just yet, but maybe I will after I come hang with you guys? Lawrence used to be a short hop, skip and a jump traveling to concerts in my youth. It helped that I rarely drove then. At 33, Lawrence seems so far away from Kansas City. One of these days though... 07) Bonus Round--Do you have a favorite show from your Lawrence concert-going days? Some of my most well-lit memories of Lawrence concerts would be the "game day" excitement building up to and then wedging in-between band equipment in the Elevator Division van. I was their live-in art director and it was a treat to tag along. It was an adventure on the road as well as lurking in the shadows of the Bottleneck, Replay and Granada. The sleep on the ride home was the best I'd get. Those trips would destroy me now. My most memorable concert moment in Lawrence would have to be meeting Elliott Smith in the Granada back alley after his show. We shook hands and both said, "Thanks." at the same time. Also in the alley were The Flaming Lips who happened to be in town, and previously on stage performing "Don't Fear the Reaper" with Elliott. What a way to end it. I was sad the day Elliott smith passed away and still am. Oh yeah...before that show my eyes hadn't quite adjusted to the indoor lighting and I waved an excited hi to some old friends upon entering the venue and immediately tripped over two people sitting on the floor. Another high ranking concert moment was seeing The Sleepy Jackson open for The Polyphonic Spree at Liberty Hall. I had no idea who they were and they completely blew me away. 08) How familiar are you with the Lawrence art scene these days?  Any favorite artists working in our fair city? I'm a tad familiar with the Lawrence art scene. Notably, those running/making art at Wonder Fair. Great guys/great artists. I need to get out to Lawrence more often these days. I enjoy your fine city. Though, being a Missouri boy you may have to check my MU Tiger fan badge at the Lawrence border. 09) We've noticed that KC has a strange new event called Hot Tub dialogues, in which the audiences pays to watch artists sit around talking about art in a hot tub.  Would you don your bathing suit to participate in such shenanigans? This is new news to me! And weird at that! Especially the audience pay part. I don't think I'd be up for such an event unless said hot tub was a time machine. I'm also a bit of a nevernude and still barely sticking my toes in the Kansas City art pool as it is! 10) There's a very controversial public art event currently generating a lot of controversy in Lawrence. Lice chickens will be exhibited for a month in spots around town, letting people "get to know them, the they'll be killed and cooked for a community project at Percolator art gallery? What are your initial thoughts on this project? Like the hot tub talk, this is weird and new local art news to me! I really am out of the loop/pool. Growing up on a farm in rural Missouri, I knew many of my animals before they were butchered. I guess, like anything, it's a matter of public opinion. If you're not comfortable with it, then don't attend/support? Is this commentary on the whole local/get to know your food and where it comes from thing? Very interesting. I don't quite understand the need to make it into a public art event. Seems like something destined ftp stir the poultry pot, so to speak! I guess I need to know more about this. Thanks! -djg  

[heir-to-the-diamond-throne]

hey! do you know of any mystery (fiction) podcasts i could listen to with my family? (i have some young teen siblings so it's got to be pretty family friendly)

So I’m not sure how young your teen siblings are but I’m going to assume they’re at least old enough to get into a PG-13 movie!

I’ll warn you that most mystery has an element of creepiness/horror. That being said, most of the “Journalists get into Trouble” podcasts would probably be fun to listen to!

1. The Lost Cat PodcastI’ve just started listening to this myself so I can’t vouch for the later episodes, but so far it’s very promising! A guy loses his cat and gets into some very weird circumstances trying to find it. (The VA has a very soothing voice and there’s some nice music in it)

2. RabbitsA new podcast by the makers of Tanis and The Black Tapes. A woman searches for her missing friend (who may, or may not, have disappeared after being caught up in a secret game.) It features secret societies and cults. There’s only 1 episode out so far and it’s mentioned that the friend is an escort - so I’d listen to it first to see if it’s suitable.

3. The Black TapesA journalist starts off with a slice of life documentary and quickly gets sucked into the world of paranormal investigations with a sceptic who may be part of some sort of demonic cult. (Don’t let this put you off though! It’s creepy, certainly, but in a slow way with nothing too horrifying.) This one is more fun if you pretend it’s real haha

4. TanisFrom the same people as the previous two, some of the same characters investigate a mysterious place that moves around the world. This one is more a mystery wrapped in conspiracy wrapped in secret societies. Again, this one isn’t “creepy” or “horror” but it’s more fun when you pretend it’s real.

5. PassageA lifeboat from a ship that sank centuries ago washes up at a small port town in the Pacific Northwest. A journalist travels to find out what the story is and ends up stumbling into a murder mystery, reincarnation, and historical small town intrigue.

6. The Bright SessionsI debated putting this here because it’s not reeeaally a mystery podcast. It’s based around a psychologist called Joan Bright and her patients - people who have superpowers. There’s a secret shadowy organisation who wants to keep track of them all and they do some preeeetty shady stuff. I’m recommending it because it is VERY GOOD at portraying mental health issues and I wish I had it as a teenager because it would have helped so much with my self esteem haha. I honestly think everyone should listen to it. (And if they like any kind of comic superheroes then they’ll probably like this)

7. The BridgeAgain. Is it really a mystery podcast? Debatable. It’s set in an alternate universe of the present day where a bridge has been built across the ocean. The hey-day has come and gone and we’re left with the rag-tag group manning Watchtower 10, sending out radio broadcasts to an empty and dilapidated road. Oh, and there’s a sea monster locked away in the basement. The mystery is finding out what happened to the bridge, and the people on it, and why they’re still there.

8. Archive 81The first season is your run of the mill - guy gets drafted into a secret government project listening to some increasingly weird tapes. The second season turns away from the mystery slightly and heads more into horror. I’d give the 1st season a shot definitely, but possibly vet the 2nd season before you show it to impressionable younger audiences

9. DrywaterNot gonna lie I love this one. The only problem is that there’s a couple of episodes and they’re put out infrequently. Set in the future 2 guys (amateur radio presenters) find evidence of a government coverup and try and bring it to light. They get shut down at ever turn so decide to investigate on their own (which brings its own heap of problems)

10. Small Town HorrorThis is…definitely more in the horror genre. Again, vet it before you let younger people listen to it, but it a good one. A guy goes back home after his dad dies and finds out that the creepy town game he played as a kid (and his subsequent kidnapping) may have more sinister connotations than he realised.

11. The Magnus ArchivesAgain, more horror mystery than anything else. The Magnus Archives are a collection of short creepy stories about paranormal goings on. There’s a whole larger story about the archivists and the possible murder of the previous head of the department. Definitely vet it, but give it a listen to.

12. MabelStill on the horror side of mystery. A carer for an old lady starts leaving increasingly weird voicemail messages for the old woman’s living relative. The 2nd season is when the mystery really kicks in. Definitely vet it as it’s possibly not that family friendly.

13. HushA student production that has an interesting storyline (and stuff at the end from their student radio on dealing with school pressures). A teenager comes home one day to find her grandma is missing. She ends up moving in with a family while a hunt is started. There’s also an old mystery where a whole bunch of people (including Andy’s parents) went missing in some local caves - which also seem to be a portal to other worlds. I’m not explaining it very well but I would definitely recommend this one!

14. Return HomeIt starts of as sort of horror, but it’s not really. It’s more lite-horror than anything. A guy returns back to his town to find it over-run with secret societies and strange goings on. You’ll find creepy dolls and faeries but also an arc on were-bunnies.

15. Alice isn’t DeadA trucker tries to find her wife on the long American highways. This is more horror than mystery and there are some definitely creepy moments. I’d listen to it before you let younger members of the family listen, but it’s a good missing person story.

16. Within the WireThis has some horror moments - like the nurse but at the end - but nothing graphic. It’s mostly creepy in the way everything is so normalised. If you’re a fan of Portal, you’ll most likely enjoy this. The narrator is the voice on some relaxation cassette tapes, speaking to the patient listening to them. The mystery is trying to figure out how and why they’re in this mess in the first place.

17. The Elysium ProjectA bunch of kids get experimented on by a shady government agency and gain superpowers. They escape but are left trying to figure out why them, what makes them so special, and why the government is so adamant at hunting them down. This one has a slow release schedule but it is so worth it!

18. AugustineThis one is a short little mystery podcast about the town of Augustine and what happened to it. It’s like a lite version of some of the others on this list and a good one to start off with.

19. The TunnelsA journalist decides to do a podcast on a local feature. He accidentally stumbles on a conspiracy and possible monsters locked away in the tunnels that run underneath his city. It’s good and not any scarier than others on the list.

20. Help MeThis one is definitely more horror than anything else. I’m putting it down because it’s technically mystery but I don’t know if it’s suitable for the age group you’re wanting. Basically it follows a young girl as she investigates her friends suicide and discovers it may not have been a suicide after all, but the work of a demon that acts suspiciously like slenderman. It’s short but there are some moments that I don’t think would be suitable for anyone impressionable. Definitely vet this one before letting younger family members listen to it.

21. LimetownYear ago there was a secret government town. Years ago something went horribly wrong and everyone in that town disappeared. You follow one young woman as she journeys to find what exactly happened to the residents of Limetown, and why it was covered up so hard. There’s only one season but it’s a really good season.

22. The MessageThis has been renamed LifeAfter, but it’s 2 separate stories and the first of definitely worn a listen. The message follows an intern as she chronicles the first message mankind receives from an alien race.

[pulpdiction-blog1]

Donnie Darko

Insight into the Interpretations

Watching Donnie Darko for the first time left me sitting deep with my own thoughts and a lot of questions. What really scared us in our childhood? the dark or the unknown? of course, it was the not knowing. Darkness itself means nothing, but our lack of knowing what’s there, our lack of vision is what scared us. So what scares us now? the future or the unknown? It is not knowing what tomorrow holds, success or failure, happiness or sadness, loss or gain or simply maintaining any of these things or not, that’s what frightens us. We all want to know what's coming. Whether the trial, of not knowing, is worth pulling through or if we even have enough time left to care about anything. Should this fear drive us into being better or would going through the motions, going through destiny really make our lives more worth living? Donnie Darko is a bizarre and confusing story about a troubled teen, played by Jake Gyllenhaal, who is warned by a large and rather disturbing bunny rabbit named Frank that the world is going to end in precisely 28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes and 12 seconds. The events that occur in those 28 days lead to Donnie realizing that he must sacrifice himself in order to save the world from the impending apocalypse. Jean Oppenheimer of New Times (LA) praised the film, saying, "Like gathering storm clouds, Donnie Darko creates an atmosphere of eerie calm and mounting menace"[1] The depth with which the movie pans out and the series of events that occur throughout those 28 days leading to Donnie’s decision can be interpreted in quite a few different ways. The creators of the movie never intended to resolve the ambiguity surrounding the story and have left the final decision in the viewer's hands.

One way of interpreting the events of the film is through time travel and alternative universes. In the movie, Donnie asks his science teacher about time travel which leads to the teacher giving Donnie a book titled ‘The Philosophy of Time Travel’ written by Roberta Sparrow, also known in the movie as ‘Grandma Death’. In this in-movie fictional book,

Still from the movie of the Science teacher giving Donnie the book.

Sparrow explains that time, the fourth dimension, even though being a stable construct, can be penetrated meaning that it can become corrupted/unstable. Due to this corruption, a tangent universe can be created. Sparrow states that “If a Tangent Universe occurs, it will be highly unstable, sustaining itself for no longer than several weeks. Eventually, it will collapse upon itself, forming a black hole within the primary universe capable of destroying all existence.”[2] In this interpretation, the entirety of the movie beyond the point when Donnie meets the bunny rabbit (except for the final scene) carries out within those 28 days in a Tangent Universe that is created when a jet engine falls on Donnie's room, appearing out of nowhere possibly due to corruption in the fourth dimension. Although it is never explained why the Tangent Universe is created, the book states that “The Living Receiver is chosen to guide the Artifact into position for its journey back to the Primary Universe. The Living Receiver is often blessed with Fourth Dimensional Powers.”[3] The Living Receiver, in this case, being Donnie and the Artifact being the jet engine. The book also states that the Manipulated Living and even more powerful, the Manipulated Dead must guide the Living Receiver to end the Tangent Universe and restore the Primary Universe. The various characters within the movie, regardless of their role and importance within Donnie’s life, act as the manipulated living, in the Tangent Universe, by subconsciously guiding Donnie to fulfill his prophecy and restore the Primary Universe. Frank, the person inside the bunny rabbit costume, travels through time within the Tangent Universe to push Donnie into an Ensurance trap. The Ensurance trap is created to push the Living Receiver (Donnie) to return the artifact to the Primary Universe, leaving Donnie no option but to complete his mission of saving the world. Gretchen’s (Donnie’s girlfriend) death sets up the Ensurance trap as it causes Donnie to shoot Frank dead after Frank accidentally runs Gretchen over. As a manipulated dead, Frank must travel back in time to make sure that the falling jet engine doesn’t kill Donnie in the Tangent Universe so that Donnie can fulfill his mission. Both Gretchen’s and Frank’s deaths motivates Donnie to send the jet engine into the Primary Universe to save everyone's lives. Donnie uses telekinesis to rip the engine from the plane, to send it through a wormhole to the Primary Universe back to the exact time when the jet engine falls in the Tangent Universe. Due to the events, the Tangent Universe safely collapses and we return to

Stills from the movie during the moment when (a) Donnie realizes what he needs to do to save the world and (b) Donnie drops the jet engine into the wormhole.

The Primary Universe back on October 2nd, 1988, the day Donnie is killed by a jet engine. While Sparrow’s book explains all of these details to make sense of Donnie Darko’s events, it doesn’t illuminate why all these rules exist or what deeper meaning lies beneath them. In a way, this literal explanation of time traveling rules, while seeming to clarify, only obscures our understanding of why the Tangent Universe should exist and/or why a Living Receiver, in this case, Donnie should sacrifice himself to save the Primary Universe from destruction.

A much simpler explanation and interpretation for the events in the movie is Donnie’s worsening schizophrenia. Donnie’s psychiatrist tells his parents that he is suffering from daylight hallucinations after Donnie told her about his friend, the giant bunny rabbit. Donnie’s reduced expression of emotions as well as his repeating hallucinations of a six foot tall bunny and delusions of an impending apocalypse are strong suggestions of psychosis or other forms of mental illness. Since Donnie is an unreliable narrator, it is possible that he created an entire narrative to make sense of his own delusions. However, this interpretation is complicated when the psychiatrist suggests Donnie to stop taking his medication after revealing to him that the medication he had been prescribed to were placebos, just pills made out of water. This can be seen as a hint from the director that Donnie doesn’t have schizophrenia and suggesting that the Tangent Universe is real.

Another way to interpret the film is as a metaphorical Christ narrative because, in the film, Donnie must fulfill a prophecy in order to save the world through self-sacrifice. Donnie can be interpreted as a Christ figure. A mentally unstable and misunderstood teen, Donnie might not be a typical Christ representation and his actions might be deemed as disturbing rather than redemptive, but the suggestion of a higher power controlling the film’s events makes us consider the presence of a god-like force in the story. The movie’s characters are motivated and manipulated by unknown forces more powerful than them for a purpose they don’t fully understand. The whole idea of the Manipulated Living and Dead guiding the Living Receiver toward an Ensurance trap boils down to something similar to the idea of having a given fate or destiny. Although Donnie is seen as a Christ figure in this interpretation and throughout the movie he follows onto a path where signs of God, awakening and/or other potential holy forces tend to appear in unexpected forms as well as Donnie’s innocent side that relates to the pain of others come through, it does not take away from the fact that Donnie surrenders to various unholy temptations before he fulfills his prophecy to the point where it almost seems like he feels like its a necessity that he fulfills the temptations as a part of the course and thus rejecting the idea of portraying himself as someone holy.

For me personally, it is the theory of time travel and alternative universes that makes for the most plausible interpretation of the movie. As at the end, the film shows a montage of most of

Stills from the movie showing the Manipulated waking up in the Primary Universe experiencing the residual effects of the trauma, making it seem like waking up from a terrible nightmare.

the characters, who interacted with Donnie in the Tangent Universe, back in the Primary Universe looking disturbed. According to Sparrow in the book, the Manipulated are haunted by their experience in the Tangent Universe, feeling the residual effects of the trauma. Indicating that erased memories and destroyed alternate dimensions can still have a reality. Whatever interpretation one might draw out from the movie, it is clear that Donnie’s ability to see the future confronts him with the dilemma of free will. His choice to follow his destiny or ‘travelling within God’s channel’ as he calls it, is a journey of awakening. Donnie awakens to an inner love that powers his sacrifice, even if his actions won’t be remembered in the so-called real world. Funnily enough, from what is written in ‘The Philosophy of Time Travel’, it appears that the continuing existence of the Primary Universe only requires the removal of the artifact from the Tangent Universe. Provided that Donnie was able to retain his knowledge from the Tangent Universe, he could’ve easily saved himself in the Primary Universe after returning the jet engine simply by getting out of the room but perhaps by that point, Donnie felt that there was no need to continue. In his acceptance of his fate and perhaps of God by traveling within God’s channel, he transcended his own mortality. There is more than enough ambiguity for viewers/fans to continue making new theories and interpretations but on a deeper level, the movie’s ending reinforces a message of the power of sacrifice, empathy and the ways in which our actions, mundane or drastic, can have complex unknowable repercussions in this universe and others.

References:-

Jean Oppenheimer, ‘PARK CITY 2001 REVIEW: Donnie Darko Plays with the Time of Our Lives’ (Indie wire, Retrieved 23-10-2018).

Richard Kelly, ‘Chapter One: The Tangent Universe’ in The Philosophy of Time Travel <http://www.donniedarko.org.uk/philosphy-of-time-travel/> (Retrieved 23-10-2018)

Richard Kelly, ‘Chapter Six: The Living Receiver’ in The Philosophy of Time Travel <http://www.donniedarko.org.uk/philosphy-of-time-travel/> (Retrieved 23-10-2018)

[lady-rogue-soul-blog]

Mourning in Limbo

           Before my grandma got sick cancer was just another word that I knew I was supposed to feel sad about. I was eleven and this wasn’t even my first real experience with death, however it was my first experience with watching someone I love fade.

           Even now, thinking back about who my grandma was she had a light to her that I don’t think people have anymore. She was a woman who danced just because she was happy and could laugh at herself with ease. Love was in abundance when you were in her presence and she was just a truly fantastic human being.

           I’m sure everyone feels that way about someone they loved and lost, but that doesn’t make this woman any less special.

           When Grandma was diagnosed, a dark cloud fell over my family. The doctors had given her six months to live, and my grandmother could not accept that. At the time she was in her mid-seventies, which every year seems younger and younger every time I think about it.

           It scares me because as hard as I try to remember if Grandma had any sort of sign of illness before the diagnosis I can’t see it. Perhaps that can be blamed on the child’s point of view I had or because my brain doesn’t want me to remember. Even when I try to think about it, there weren’t a lot of times that I can remember thinking “Grandma is sick, really sick”.

           Those six months the doctors gave her turned into two and a half years. The first sign of this all being real, at least for me, was her losing her hair. For as long as I can remember I had referred to her as my “blue-haired grandma”. If that wasn’t bad enough, she was known for going to Wal-Mart, and really any place she pleased, with her hair in rollers and tied in a scarf. Her hair was part of her identity to me.

           The wigs helped me forget she was sick, and I think she knew that on some level because she would sometimes wear them around the house even though she had commented on how they itched or how she would wear a scarf everywhere if she could. There were days where she couldn’t get up the energy to fake the health she didn’t have, but I know she tried to keep us all from seeing the pain she was going through.

           Everyone in my family was going through so much at this time. We lived next door to my grandparents, literally shared a driveway, and everyone was doing their best trying to accept that we needed to find an independence from them. Grandma and Grandpa wouldn’t be the ones who picked us up from school every day anymore, they wouldn’t be stopping to let us get ice cream either, they wouldn’t be helping us with homework. Grandpa was ten years older than Grandma and had health problems of his own, but I think he gave up when she got sick too.

           In those two and a half years, we all found out own ways to cope. For my siblings and I, I think we just decided to be home less. Too much was changing, and during those budding teenage years we all had relationships and friendships blossoming and it became easier to fill our lives with them so we didn’t have to constantly be faced with what was happening at home.

           Personally, that is something I regret most.

           Dad mentioned that Grandma went through a phase of denial and though I don’t know exactly what point that was, I often wonder if it was at the time we were going to weekly Wednesday healing Mass at the hospital. It wasn’t a typical Catholic service, but instead was filled with energy and singing. As someone who is not overly religious, I often wonder if large part of the healing advertised was an hour of forgetting how sick these people were with loud music and worship.

           It seemed like there wasn’t really a gradual process. One day grandma was sick, another she didn’t have hair, and then Mom was explaining hospice to me. Each phase in this process took me by surprise, but what really surprised me was how each of these steps led to the sudden downward slope to her death.

           I tried to be around more when it became clear that Grandma was going to die, that realization just took me about a week or so into her hospice. I don’t know why, but I didn’t expect death to be that way. I thought that just one day she wouldn’t wake up, that it was all like all black and white, either you were alive or dead.

           Grandma died ten days after my fourteenth birthday, and by that I mean she took her last breaths on April 16, 2008. By the time she actually died she hadn’t spoken in over a week. Even though she was there for my fourteenth birthday, I remember that she could wish me a happy birthday for the first time in my life.

           People continuously told me to try and enjoy every moment I had left with her, and I hated them for it. That woman, the woman lying in the hospital bed in her own living room, the woman who may open her eyes but look straight through you, that was not my grandma anymore. I think it makes me angrier because I felt like they were telling me to remember and treasure these final moments with her when my final moments with her were weeks ago and I had no idea that those were it.

           The longer it took for her to die the longer I had to find reasons to hate everything about the situation. I hated what was happening, I hated cancer, I hated the fact no one warned me that the last lucid conversation I had with her was one I wouldn’t be able to remember because it was just a conversation, I hated myself for every time I squirmed away from her affection and every time I potentially hurt her feelings, and damn I hated her for not hurry up and just dying.

           I have never admitted that. Even now, I sit here and wipe my tears in the guilt I had for internally begging her to just die already. If she wasn’t going to get better I couldn’t sit there and watch her be completely helpless in her sickness.

           It was all too much. My mom administering medicine and my dad singing “Put your little foot, put your little foot, put your little foot right there” to dance his mother to the bathroom because she was too weak to get up herself. The pain in everyone face as they gathered around the kitchen table all overly aware that we were in a limbo of mourning, as it was too soon to truly mourn but our hearts were in pieces.

           I wrote a poem for her in the week that she died. It wasn’t a particularly good poem, but writing was the only way I knew how to even start coping. The poem talked about all the good she gave us all, how she loved that I wrote stories and poems like she did too, but also that we would be okay if she left us.

           As soon as I read the line that it was okay for her to die, her brow knitted and she all but pulled her hand out of mine. She hadn’t spoken or been responsive in days, but that felt like one hell of a response. My heart shattered as I thought I had betrayed her, that I shouldn’t be telling her what to do and that she hated me for saying she could die.

           I carried that with me for a very long time. Longer than I probably should have because some part of me can’t forget the feeling that I betrayed someone who only loved me.

           The night of the April 15, Dad told us that they didn’t think Grandma would make it to morning. My little brother and I decided to sleep in her bedroom while my parents and aunt sat in the living room with Grandma. I remember dreaming about her. It sounds cliché and fabricated but I remember her coming to me in a light and telling me that she just wanted to say goodbye.

           Moments later I woke up. I laid there, staring at the ceiling of her bedroom frustrated that the dream wasn’t real, frustrated that we all would sit through another day of just waiting, but then my dad walked in.

           My father is a very strong man, but there was a thickness to his voice as he told me if I wanted to say goodbye I needed to do so now.

           Within the next hour the coroner had come and Grandma was gone.

           For the next two days leading up to the funeral I felt lighter than I had in weeks. My aunt had asked me to read the poem I wrote for Grandma at the service as well as sing “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot”, as it was a song Grandma loved for me to sing.

           My cousins all came in from Texas and for the first time in a long time as well as the last time ever, we were all there as a family.

           I thought the pain was over. I thought Grandma was done hurting and we were done with the hardest parts. I was wrong.

           Seeing your father cry is one of the worst experiences of your life. It’s even worse when you can’t do a thing about it. But the part that got me that I didn’t see coming was the moment they shut the casket. I was in mid song, singing in the choir loft when they stepped forward and closed the casket holding my grandmother.

           Everything hit me at once. Not only was she gone and she was never coming back, but I would never see her again. That the last time I would ever look at her was the flighting moments I caught before the men closed her in a wooden box that would be lowered into the ground.

Now, any funeral I go to, I make sure that I’m not looking at the casket when it closes.

It’s been almost a decade since she has passed and I still find myself mourning her at times as though the experience is fresh. I wear the ring she left me everyday as a reminder that she is with me and I always find myself talking about her if given the opportunity.

Nearly ten years, and I will still happily retell the stories she told me growing up about my dad and his siblings, about the rooster that turned blue and died after annoying her for too long, and the time her mom tried to make homemade underwear. I will tell you how she used to have me lay on a towel and crawl under the bed, then drag me by the feet to get all the dusty bunnies out. I’ll even tell you about all the times she stood up and danced with me because I did well on a spelling test because spelling was the hardest subject for me.

I try not to remember the days where she was in pain, but the days she made me laugh. That’s what she would have wanted me to do. There are hundreds of things in my life that I directly link to my grandma and her memory, and I wish I could take the time to write every one of them.

The part of my heart that broke when she died has been healed by these memories, by the smiles I can still see when I close my eyes and perfume I can almost smell when I really think about it. Losing her did break my family in a lot of ways, but remembering her always seems to bring us closer.