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#ALSO ITS NOT THAT MANY EVEN IN THE GRAND SCHEME???
helluvapurf · 2 days
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*deep breathes* Sooo, those last couple mins from the latest "Full Moon" ep... lets talk about that🍵🍵
Welp, here it is folks... the ep that finally gave us that hyped up "Asmodeon crystal" exchange teased at in the S2 Pt. 2 trailer. And... hooooo boi, I have formed so. many. thoughts. upon rewatching that scene a few times. Some that are... kiiiinda on the rant-y spectrum the more I lingered on 'em, so how bout I share them here lmao
Fair warning in advance, this maaaaay not be particularly "nice" to Stolas in these rambling thoughts, so if anyone out there's a big Stolas(+itz) fan... yall might wanna skip reading ahead- lol .w.;;
*claps*
Okay, so to start things off on a (semi?) positive note, the animation & lighting here is quite beautiful to look at. The glittery curtains, the shine in Blitz's eyes throughout his shifting emotions, even the shots of that one broken chandelier (which I thiiink might've been the same one him & Stolas played under as kids?) was a neat bit of symbolism ngl.
Props to Brandon Rogers as well for his voice-performance on Blitz here cause... gawd did it hit me in the heart how much hurt you feel from his yelling ;-;💔
Curious to see more of the use of Blitz's new Asmodeon crystal in future adventures (esp from that one shot in the trailer w/ him using the portal effects against the DHORK crew), it looks cool~ ✨👍
....ummmm, ok I think that about covers my positives atm. Onto the problems I have with this exchange:
Stolas... okay, you were this close to actually doing a good job ending the Full Moon deal. Admitting to how "wrong" the transaction part of their dynamic was, allowing Blitz more "freedom" via-the crystal (that could also help avoid any legal issues that the Grimoire gave), even wishing him good luck with his I.M.P. business as the night drew to a close... ...buuuuut then Stolas just had to muddle everything up by his whole "even tho you don't have to be with me, I want you with me if you want it~🥺" ...which honestly came off selfish to me than anything else?? Like, dude... if you really ARE regretful of how long you let this deal go for, and truly DO want to let Blitz go... you CAN'T throw in such sappy, lovey-dovey words on top of that?? Otherwise, how can one blame Blitz for getting as confused & flustered as he was throughout that convo... you've basically just sent even more mixed-messages in the grand scheme of things, my dude-🤦‍♀️
"I have wanted you for SO long, the fact that you couldn't believe that I might have these feelings about you, that your first instinct is that its always about sex..." ...Ummmmm Stolas... did you seriously forget HOW this whole deal of yall's started?? 🤨 Waaaay back in the initial-series pilot, to the first official ep, and pretty much the majority of Season 1:
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As far as I checked, Blitz wasn't the one who kept making everything about sex... that. was all. YOU. 😒Heck, literally one of the first things you told Blitz upon reuniting as adults in "The Circus", was that you expected he wanted to "ravish" you-
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-so like, get outta here with the whole pushing-the-perv-responsibility-bs onto Blitz... you ain't helping your case >>
Finally... like, it was already getting bad enough by the point of Blitz begging & pleading out of fear he'd lose his livelihood without the book, AND not being allowed space to breathe after getting further pushed away (and thus, more pissed off-)... but THEN on top of all this, Stolas just haaaaad to throw in this lil gem: "Blitz... I think so very highly of you. I didn't realize you think so low of me..." ...Stolas, with all due respect... stfu with that lousy, last-minute uwu-ing self-pity party crap😑Just because you TRIED to show more attentive care & concern post-"Ozzie's", outside of the typical bedroom stuff... that ain't gonna prove shit if you're not gonna be consistent with it. Where was that "high opinion" of Blitz during the two of you getting stuck in the sitcom set during "Seeing Stars", when Blitz was having that panic attack performing live, where all you ended up doing was... just hitting on him/praising his bedroom skills again?? 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️
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Like... couldn't you have just, I dunno... TRY to actually cheer him up/comfort him like an actual friend, would? Encourage him on his jokes, "just be yourself", promising another way out of there on his own merit... literally, anything could've worked fine and it wouldn't have come off so skeezy imho >>;;
...*sighs* so, yeah... thats basically what I had to get off my chest regarding the ending of "Full Moon". Honestly, had the writers actually committed to Stolas cutting off Blitz (even if harsh), giving the crystal with no strings, then going about their separate ways afterwards, I would've been totally fine with the scene tbh. But all this... odd lowkey-blaming of Blitz thrown in, the sappy words, and Stolas not once actually-apologizing during all this (Like, literally I checked and the only utterance of "sorry" seemed to come from Blitz's end before he got kicked out... for what, I dunno- 🤷‍♀️). Sorry for the length btw, but hopefully that about covers my thoughts on the matter-
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plogieplogie · 9 months
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People are always so surprised when they learn my follower count but u have to realize that I've used that same account since 2017 and over half of my followers are inactive now 😭 like it seriously means nothing. I'd say realistically only about 50 of my followers give a shit about what I post. Also I've been a fanartist the ENTIRE TIME. (Not a good one the entire time but nonetheless. Fanart attracts spontaneous follows)
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jaredthebc · 2 years
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HI I REALIZED SOMETHING THAT PROBABLY ISN’T INTENTIONAL WHILE LOOKING AT N IMAGES ON GOOGLE
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Does this sound familiar
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again probably not intentional but OH MY GOD I WILL SEE IT AS SUCH UNLESS IT GETS DENIED I love the parallels of how the normal Pokemon traditions become so warped and sad when its in the context of N in particular
#natural harmonia gropius#n harmonia#n pokemon#pokemon black and white#pokemon bw#anipoke#pokemon#LIKE. SO MUCH OF N TURNS THE THEMES OF POKEMON FROM CHEERY TO TRAUMATIC#I still love how with N so much of what he strives to be without the context of plasma is pure heroic#like saving creatures from abuse would be seen so positively in other media#and it still IS shown as heroic but like. Its also signs of the brainwashing N went through#He was fed propaganda for so long. He was fed that people were the generic monsters and he had to quest to save them#its almost kinda like an old school anime setup. But instead of childhood wonder Pokemon itself gives to trainers#its instead tragic. Being so heavily sheltered before finally being let out to become the very best like no one ever was#but instead of being that just for fun and to bond. Its to be a pawn in a grand scheme#Theres so many parallels to N and every protagonist. Him leaving the castle was like the protagonist leaving the house at the start of games#even his HAT. THAT HAT IS SO SIMILAR TO MOST MALE PROTAGS#Had he been raised in different circumstances. Away from Plasma...I think he really would have been like one of the protags#of course speaking to Pokemon would impact that somewhat. But he still would have had a normal ish childhood#and even after everything. Hes allowed to recover. He is becoming the cheery protagonist he paralleled so long ago. Hes healing#Even with healing. He is using his experience to help others. He still holds some of his past views.#hes using what he learned with what he organically knows to his advantage and to continue his mission without Plasma manipulating him#sorry for the big tag ramble just....AUGH I LOVE N SO MUCH HIS STORY IS SO AMAMAZING#will forever love this dude and everything he stands for he means the world to me
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an-unraveling-unknown · 2 months
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I'm interested in Deimos, in general, care to ellaborate on them?
(what's their taste favorite food?)
YES ABSOLUTELY (bit of a long one again, sorry!)
Deimos, as previously stated, is the Embodiment of Human Fear - human fear specifically, being a result of rather than a wielder (as all the embodiments are really) and only coming into existence once homo sapiens became a thing (twice), but he is the fear by all accounts. Some miscellaneous stuff: 1. Essentially retired by this point in terms of his title. The Embodiments as a whole used to be a lot more 'around' per se, but the lot of them all kind of split off and humans do all the fear-mongering for him now, which is both fascinating and sad.
2. Bit of a bastard (/aff), likes to poke fun in his own eloquent way but knows when to back off. Maybe backs off a little too often, he prefers to avoid conflict when the option is available. Can and will read anyone like a picture book made for five y/o's and is a huge Shakespeare nerd (which probably has something to do with a chance encounter in London circa. 1592) 3. He's gone by countless names and forms, and the very notion of sticking to binary gender is laughable, (though he/him is the latest preference,) but 'Deimos' kind of became the default after Locke threw it at him as a nickname and it stuck 4. He's fond of referencing pop culture, (something of which Locke has no hope of ever understanding,) but it's either pop culture thats slightly too old for the current age or slightly too new. Slightly too old is self-explanatory, but what I mean by slightly too new is that since its naturally ingrained in him to pick up on the social patterns of humans, he will slightly nudge something forward in the public consciousness attuning to those patterns that will inevitably pick up in popularity because he finds it incredibly amusing. 5. Alas, he can't take credit for TikTok trends 6. Literally radiates terror to anything in a five mile radius that isn't dead. When he and Locke used to meet up in various points in history, they'd meet at around midnight to early morning as to not alert the local population, which unfortunately had the additional consequence of freaking out the local wildlife. Locke had to reason with the outraged birds that they could sing at dusk instead, saying that its just like morning but backwards. It took much convincing every time. and a hefty bribe of seeds. 7. Found the Woods a little while after he and Locke split up for the last time. To his knowledge, this vast stretch of wooded area somehow exists in several places simultaneously all over the globe while also not technically existing at all, looking at a decent map. Those that enter with good intentions exit, and those who enter without seem to blip off the face of the earth. It's usually pretty silent. And theres a big hecking house plop in the middle of it in pristine condition, looking wildly different in appearance depending on who's looking at it - so naturally he sets up camp in it and stays there for the next 300-something years 8. HAVE SOME CONCEPT ART, he does little things with his appearance every now and then for fun (colorful markings, scales, runic symbols, that sort of thing) but generally keeps up the base appearance of not quite fitting in seamlessly with reality, like a memory blurred around the edges.
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the odd cross where his face should be is to remind myself where the heck he's looking lmao (he likes dressing casual-fancy because it makes him feel sophisticated) 9. He was close with another embodiment of fear early on in his existence - Phobos was moreso the reaction to fear and wasn't restricted to just humans for Some Reason. The two of them haven't spoken in ages though, for good cause. 10. He was debating reaching out to Locke for a while before they ended up in the woods themselves- despite his own interests, he's always preferred to let them do what they wish, especially given the extenuating circumstances 11. However, these extenuating circumstances say nothing on a plethora of curious children dragging the android in to stay a while (12. he doesn't really need to eat, and he has to fashion a whole digestive system for that, but Deimos does have a fondness for sweets - pastry items, chocolate, you name it. He'd also never admit it in front of the children ever)
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the-busy-ghost · 2 years
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You know I used to beat myself up a bit for not reading/studying enough, and especially for wasting time during my teenage years because I stopped reading/trying and now have to catch up when it no longer matters or can do any good. 
But I’m slowly realising of late that there are a lot of books I’m glad I never read before I was ready to seek them out myself. Currently reading “Wuthering Heights” and I am so so glad I didn’t read that book in high school- I would have wildly misinterpreted the premise (even if I liked it), and that would have been a great disservice to the author and the book itself. Now I can really try to understand it on a different level and I think I will only grow to appreciate it more in time.
#Also- I'm not quite finished it so I might be wrong in this but don't think so- having read it myself#I feel like social media and popular culture (or at least the opinions I have heard personally) do a real disservice to Emily Bronte#She often gets painted as if she were romanticising Cathy and Heathcliff's relationship for some bizarre reason#The narrator may be an unreliable one but the whole tone of the book shows that there are sooo many problems with their relationship#I won't say Emily Bronte CONDEMNS the relationship- I doubt she would do anything so stuffy and Victorian#But she's very clear about showing us how toxic their relationship was (and Heathcliff's character  in particular)#But also how it stems from longstanding childhood abuse and neglect as well as issues of class and gender#And how nobody in the book no matter how nice can really claim to be exempt from blame on some level#As they all participate in a society that treats children as property and turns a blind eye to abuse#Or at the very least washes its hands saying 'well it's sad but that's the law and it's really the parent/master's problem'#And that abuse and neglect turns Heathcliff into a genuinely abysmal and horrifying person#Cathy's not in the same league but she's still a rather unpleasant person in the grand scheme of things#That being said! They are both sympathetic in different ways even as adults#They have some good qualities even under all that horror and Cathy in the end really does cut a pitiful figure#Let her breathe in the open air#Also like I think Bronte gives us a good idea of how things wouldn't necessarily be solved if Heathcliff and Cathy had stayed together#The effects of their childhood traumas have shaped them#Heathcliff sees anyone who isn't absolutely for him as being against him and would expect Cathy not just to be loyal but utterly partisan#Cathy must have her way and I don't think she would take kindly to Heathcliff disagreeing with her idea of what was best for them#Maybe I've just been reading the wrong media but because of its popular image I went into this book expecting to have to struggle through#some bizarre romanticisation of a toxic relationship where the reader is expected to totally fall in love with Heathcliff and excuse him#Or where Cathy is some kind of author's self-insert or the twentieth-century stereotype of how All Women Are Repressed And Only Want Sex#How lucky I am that a) that's really really not the case and b) that I am reading it at an age where I won't misinterpret it#Or allow my own judgement of the book and its merits to be clouded by some English teacher's Accepted Intepretation of Literature#Not that other people's interpretations haven't been absolutely fascinating and helpful#The pop culture view I was given was definitely based on only one particular type of interpretation of the novel#Also why do so many film/tv adaptations of the book seem to leave out the second bit of the story with the children etc?#I didn't even know that it isn't set in the Victorian era but the late eighteenth century! (Even if Victorian mores are important)#And god I love an old Yorkshire farmhouse with a cavernous kitchen and a date on the door lintel and a strange family history#reading log
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yanoharuhito · 1 year
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whatevers going on with vsynth twitter right now i feel like staying away from it ! i'm just excited for my utaus to be in a couple upcoming medleys... that's all...
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maddy-ferguson · 22 days
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this being the only french right-wing student union
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#and like i say: brf slt#this screenshot says it so i could actually be saying anything#it: uni: union nationale inter-universitaire. i didn't know that's what it stood for before i looked this up#i was listening to a podcast episode about ned ('Upon its founding the NED assumed some former activities of the CIA' third paragraph#on wikipedia LMFAO) and they were talking about a lot of random things they've done and they were talking about them funding#centrist/basically bullshit organizations in places where left-wing organizations were making things happen and then they talked about#french education and i was like DID THEY FUND SOMETHING IN MAY 68? but they actually weren't around for that neither ned (started in 83) no#uni (created actually as a response to may 68 to be like no we love you de gaulle see not every student's a communist or whatever) so it#was in 1984-1985. like the screenshot says.#me saying theyre the only right-wing student union is actually a lie they were for a really long time but now theres one thats even worse#that was created by uni people who seceded lmao who are like actually far-right and uni is like. not even that close to the center like#they're already very very right-wing like okay. this is on their wikipedia page. their national main guy said in 2022 that most of the#people in uni campaigned for not the historical nazi party but the NEW far-right party that's even more unapologetic in their racism? like#how racist and how much of a fascist do you have to be to need to part ways with this racist student organization and create your own#racist student organization#they're both flops like electorally#anyway#this is like nothing in the grand scheme of things but when you see the things the fbi the cia random 'NGOs' like ned and also things many#other countries (like france) do in other countries (or in their own countries) that you don't know about it's like. i'm split between#understanding conspiracy theorism and being like you actually don't even need to be a conspiracy theorist you can just look these things#up!#<- i've said exactly this before. in like november 2022 in a tumblr post. after listening to an episode of the same podcast lmao
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ruthless-to-a-fault · 7 months
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Suzanne Collins has me deranged.
We know from the Ballad of Song Birds and Snakes that many of the features of the modern Hunger Games are Snow's invention, including those that motivate the districts, like prizes. It's fair to assume he likely came up with the idea for tesserae, it's an easy way to keep the districts well fed while encouraging/forcing participation and general involvement in the games. It's a great reminder, even the food you eat is linked to the games themselves. Tesserae is a type of tile work commonly associated with Romans which Collins draws a lot of inspiration from in her depiction of the Capital. It has also in the past been used as a token. In this case, you take the token of food in exchange for extra names in the bowl. Now that's fucking excellent on it's own, real neat bit of linguistic worldbuilding.
BUT what really gets me, what truly fucks me up is that Snow didn't name it that because he's like a language nerd. Tigris had to use tile buttons, tesserae buttons on his shirt during songbirds because they couldn't afford anything else. Snow inherently associates that material with poverty, specifically with the lack of food he had during that time. As a result tesserae represents poverty starvation and desperation to everyone in the districts. Snow is so god dam self obsessed he imbedded ,intentionally or not , personal fucking references to himself within the districts.
AND THAT is why Collins is so crazy to me that detail is tiny, you truly would not notice and in the grand scheme it's not that important but that's woman is on her shit and she's fucking thinking her thoughts and its genius. HER MIND UGH. truly has me messed.
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llycaons · 1 year
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skyeblue8 · 8 months
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Ɗᥙҽ 𝜏σ ᙏყ Ɲҽɯ⨍σᥙɳԃ Ƒιχα𝜏ισɳ... ♚
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Specifically with the Gluttonous Sin of Beelzebub being my favorite Sin of the group (not necessarily in Helluva Boss, but just in general), I wanted to make a ranking list of my favorite Queen Bee redesigns and their creators for really no other reason than I just feel like it. Now, this is all personal opinions and should not be taken to heart by any means, it's just for fun:
#1. "Beelzebub & Bibi" by @gravcore
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♡ In terms of an actual redesign of the original, I love how this artist made "Bibi" because, for one thing, they made sense of the originals hair by giving her a ponytail since way too many characters have a mohawk style (Loona included); two, I cannot explain just how much I adore the clothes they gave her. The top is actually insect based and gorgeous, and not some recolor version of Loona's outfit; and third, they made canon Bee her own character rather than a royal because nothing about the OG read "Ancient Sin" to anybody.
♡ Now, in terms of the actual Beelzebub, here, she's legitimately stunning. Rather than a redesign, I can tell this was the original long before the Queen Bee episode came out, and I love how it reads both "70's party girl" and "regal ruler" all in one. That, and the actual bug design aspect and the color scheme. Above all else, I love how they incorporated the lava stomach in her design, too.
#2. "Beelzebub" by @s3tok41b4
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♡ This design can best be described as a literal re-imagine of the canon Beelzebub as it shares almost all her similarities with the actual bug aspect to it that it desperately needed. It's legitimately simplistic but still appealing to the eye, futher showing us that Viv was perfectly capable of making something so simple, but actively chose to make it more confusing than it had to be.
#3. "Beelzebub" by @ruinxl0ve
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♡ Similar to the first two, this shares both a regal and party girl bug aesthetic with the added bonus of actually being beautifully emotive despite not even having a mouth. I feel this beautifully differentiates the design from the original while also making it recognizable and I feel that it kinda feeds into the original concept that Queen Bee could literally "feel the vibe", hinting to her being an empath in some manner.
#4. "The Three Bees" by @onehelluvatime
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♡ Long story short, these are three individual versions of the Queen Bee and her new placing within the Hellaverse outside of the canon one. For more in-depth explanation of these interpretations, it's best to check the blog yourself. Truly, I love these designs not only because of the visual redesigns themselves, but also the well-crafted and creative explanations and backgrounds regarding these characters. I especially like the idea that the hellhounds within society are half-undead with skull-like appendages and facial aspects.
#5. "Spontaneous Beelzebub" by @redd-byrd
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♡ I know it's essentially the same as the canon design, but with the small tweaks that were made to this one (the giant "Bee Butt", the added black lines, the actual bug-like wings, the blue-thin eyes), all of them give a more clear indication (at least to me) that this Bee is more higher up than her fellow hellhounds, meaning she looks a lot more like a hybrid thus making her more grand. It's nice how they added these small details for improvement while still essentially leaving the design like its original.
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Anyway, thanks for listening to my Ted Talk. Have a nice day!
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ineffable-endearments · 6 months
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Aziraphale's Entire Bookshop Is A Trauma Reenactment
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This essay got so complicated. The main point is that Aziraphale's bookshop is a trauma reenactment and that's why he had to give it up.
This post of mine recently got a bunch of notes and I'm so glad people have liked it. For the unfamiliar: the gist is that Aziraphale wants. He wants books, he wants Crowley - but he can't let himself just desire things for their own sake or for his; he'll only allow himself to have what he wants if it serves a greater purpose. That's why Aziraphale has a shop full of books instead of just a collection of books. That's why Aziraphale always has some scheme for Crowley to get involved in.
However, I think that underneath the "purpose" of selling books and participating in the local economy, the shop has another purpose that Aziraphale hasn't faced. Instead of rewriting this, I'll partially copy over something I wrote after Season 1 and before we even knew Season 2 was a thing:
Aziraphale’s squirreling away of old books and erroneous Bibles, his hoarding of humanity’s misguided attempts at prophecy…he is roleplaying his relationship with Heaven, but with himself in a position of power. He’s gathering Knowledge and keeping it a secret while knowing all along that it’s inaccurate, so in that way, he is a lot like his superiors and God. Crucially, he gets to role play the entity powerful enough to have, but not share, his knowledge.
Note that also, in this scenario, the misprinted Bibles and vague or incorrect prophecies are highly prized. They are Aziraphale's favorites - just as you'd expect for a being who knows he's not what an angel is supposed to be but is desperately hoping God will favor him for exactly that reason.
So. The bookshop is a reenactment of Aziraphale's trauma in the same way that yelling at plants is a reenactment of Crowley's trauma. In both cases, the two of them are identifying with both their abusers and themselves. Crowley recognizes that his abusers are malicious and have only their own motivations, no drive toward the "greater good." That's why it's a sign of healing that he has started showing more attachment to his plants in Season 2 and seems to be treating them better: he is no longer acting the part of his own abuser.
Aziraphale is, despite his conscious efforts, still identifying with Heaven. Through his bookshop, he is trying to act like he thinks Heaven should, preserving (his books) and protecting (his books, Jim, Crowley) and orchestrating Good (the whole Ball fiasco). And each of these behaviors is for a Great Plan: running a bookshop, solving a mystery, throwing a ball. Everything he does has to align with a higher purpose, a grand scheme of some kind. Otherwise, how is he going to take on Heaven's role and do it better?
It's a twisted way of trying to make things right. Heaven has failed at its job. It's supposed to be the ultimate Good, but it hasn't been. Even in the Final 15 minutes when Aziraphale says "It's the side of truth, of light, of good," I'm more than convinced he's saying that because he wants it to be so rather than because he's sure of it. (Someone else pointed out this possibility, but it was many posts back and I'm not sure who. If I find the post again, I'll link it here.)
Aziraphale is stuck in a pattern of trying to play the role Heaven failed at. To be clear, this role is "motivating humans to do Good and keeping it all (the universe) running."
...But nobody should be doing Heaven's job. Nobody should be "orchestrating Good," not by trying to control other people. Nobody should be making grand plans for the universe. People should be allowed to just live out their lives.
I want to add, in case it's not obvious, that this is not a conscious process. With human beings, it typically is not. And as other people have pointed out, Aziraphale is smart, which is why he can end up in these patterns in the first place: he's good at rationalizing!
While his need for control is intensely unhealthy, it's reasonable that he would have ended up here. Aziraphale has never been in control in his entire existence. That's Heaven's form of abuse. I mean, I start having an existential crisis when I don't feel like I can say "no" often enough at work - I can't imagine being created with the same amount of free will but denied the knowledge to make any choices for millions of years.
(That's also where some of his most infuriating behavior comes from - another way of trying to exert control is through acceptance: to just insist on being happy even when things are obviously wrong. God is cruel? There must be a good reason we don't understand. Armageddon is coming? Well, it will all be lovely afterward, of course. The Metatron is being really persistent about trying to get me back in Heaven? That's great, actually! Now I can make a difference! Neil has commented that Aziraphale's favorite song with lyrics is "Spread A Little Happiness." Look up the lyrics. They are all about simply denying bad feelings.)
You know how we've observed that the bookshop is painted in Crowley's colors? And how Aziraphale left both of them behind at the end of the season? Well, also consider how Aziraphale and Crowley's relationship pattern has become unhealthy and codependent - Aziraphale genuinely loves Crowley, but the only model of love he's had in his own personal experience, outside of fiction, is this weird power-control thing Heaven has going on.
He needs to break out of the control pattern before he can admit that he loves books and Crowley for what they are.
This is why I think the definition of "goodness" isn't necessarily Aziraphale's final final boss. The narrative could go that way. But I have a strong feeling his final boss will have to involve control.
When people wonder "Why is it taking so long for Aziraphale to figure out that Heaven is bad," my personal suggestion is that good intentions are a red herring for both the audience and for Aziraphale himself. He needs to stop believing that Heaven's job is necessary at all. He needs to see that the whole existence of the institution is a problem, not merely the management. No, not even the really bad management.
On one hand, Aziraphale needs to figure out the same things that Adam Young figured out - that existence is meaningless when people don't get to make their own choices; there's no point in having friends who can't talk back, and there's no point in making people's decisions for them. It's very honorable to want to truly do Good. But you can't do it through control. Even if you completely ignore the moral issues with controlling people, it simply does not produce a worthwhile result.
Aziraphale technically knows all this already. He knows people need to have choices. He knows choices hold no meaning unless people make them freely. He just hasn't grasped that Heaven is, at best, creating unnatural consequences for people. Heaven itself is getting in the way of that ability to choose.
On the other hand, Aziraphale needs to figure out that he CAN make his own choices. He doesn't need Crowley to dance him into the right decision, and he doesn't need God to tell him what to do. Aziraphale has already done some of this in the past, under extreme pressure. He needs to get more comfortable with it. I think his realizations about control will help this part fall into place. Realizing that Heaven's role is a problem can more easily cascade into a healthier notion of his own boundaries - choices that are his and choices that are other people's.
Giving up the bookshop is actually a step toward healing because Aziraphale is stepping up to see the inner workings of his abusive institution head-on instead of reenacting the abusive actions with his bookshop, his neighbors, and Crowley. We know that in reality, people don't get over trauma thanks to one event, but for the sake of the story, realizing that individual or institutional control is not the way to Goodness might just be the breakthrough Aziraphale needs.
And then he can stop feeling compelled to put the things he loves through Great Plans in order to spend time with them, and he can simply love them, hopefully in a cottage where no one ever tries to buy books from him and Crowley will sleep soundly every night.
How this will come about in Heaven is anyone's guess. I think it might, again, happen the same way it happened for Adam Young: with Aziraphale getting his way only to realize it's not what he wants.
Of course, the bookshop deserves to live on. It was a safe place for so long. Like all of Aziraphale and Crowley's other respective coping mechanisms, it offered protection and comfort, and it's become an inspiration to Muriel.
That's why I have a strong feeling Muriel is going to formally inherit the bookshop - with Aziraphale's full permission and enthusiasm, for keeps, not as a coerced posting by an authority figure. I may be getting ahead of myself, what with the enormity of what has to happen first, but it feels right.
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thenightling · 11 months
Text
Dear newbie queer kids, We appreciate the sentiment but stop "correcting" the older LGBTQ+ community. And by "correcting" I mean trying to force them to adopt your language. "Actually, it's pansexual if you're attracted to any gender. Bisexual means only men and women." (I really was told that one today.) "Actually if they're attracted to anyone despite gender and even to non-human entities in works of fiction that's omnisexual." Guys, you may not know it but what you are doing is what we'd once call bi-erasure. A little LGBTQ+ history: The word bisexual is still relatively new for a lot of people. In 1973 when David Bowie came out as bisexual, a reporter misunderstood that to mean he had both male and female reproductive organs. Even today I've stumbled upon people who think bisexual means "nonbinary." meaning "I don't identify as a man or a woman." The only connection the words have is the "bi" part so this one is painfully stupid. In the 1990s there were older queer folk who didn't even know bisexual is what they were. When Roddy McDowall was confronted by Vincent Price's daughter and asked "Why didn't you tell me my father was bisexual?" He said "We didn't know the word." In the 90s most bisexual people used the term to mean attraction despite gender. I'm fine with the use of the word "Pansexual" but it IS actually gatekeeping to tell older bisexuals that the word bisexual means "disincluding trans and nonbinary" and "attraction to the gender instead of despite the gender." I can't think of very many people who identify as bisexual who are okay with those added restrictions that they didn't agree to. For most of the older queer community bisexual means their own gender and everything else. That's the two for bi. I am certain there are some people today who don't mind the new restrictions added to the word bisexual and use it to self-identify but those that were identifying a bisexual in the 90s and early 2000s didn't have such restrictions because the options of pansexual and omnisexual were not in use yet. Pansexual was a term invented by Freud to mean "attraction to anything" (this included furniture). It's modern meaning of "consenting adults without consideration of gender" is relatively new and frustratingly this was originally how most of us were using the word bisexual. When you "Correct" someone who self-identifies as bisexual that they are actually pansexual because you want them to use the more modern language, THAT is gatekeeping. Ironically this just happened to me and when I corrected the person that was "correcting me" by explaining that older people who identify as bisexual tend to use it with the same meaning as the modern pansexual, I was suddenly accused of "Gatekeeping." So now, ironically, they're misusing the term gatekeeping while gatekeeping. Please stop doing this. The new terms are okay but don't tell us how we can use the older terms, especially when bisexual isn't that old of a term in the grand scheme of things. I sometimes use the term pansexual just to make things easier for the younger folk since they adapted to the restrictive version of the term bisexual we never asked for. Also I like its connection to mythology. But please don't "Correct" people for using the term they had for themselves since the 90s because they never added those new restrictions to it. This is rude. And that is the gatekeeping. Them telling you what the word meant decades ago is not "gatekeeping." You telling them how they have to us it now- that is gatekeeping. Sincerely, Most queer folk over the age of thirty.
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skywerse · 5 months
Text
RIPTIDE THEORY!!!!!!
SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS IN GENERAL
Have you ever wondered why Chip, Jay, and Gillion—a wannabe pirate, a soldier in training, and the champion of the Undersea, respectively—form such a fucking random assortment of people? The only thread connecting them seems to be their association with the Black Rose members.
Their meeting feels like destiny, doesn't it?
What if I told you it's not destiny at all, but rather the aftermath of Captain Rose's failed deal with Niklaus?
Join me on my yapping as I put together a theory that I wrote in my notes app at 4 in the morning!
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Firstly, let's look at everything in a grand scale of things.
I believe that the world of Mana, at its core, is fuelled by desire that got corrupted by the darkness that slithered its way from the abyss into this world. For millennia or centuries, these same desires have driven its cycles, repeating history in one way or another, compelling many generations to follow suit to ensure the safety of their world. Keeping the darkness at bay. 
What if I told you that the prophecy isn't solely about Gillion? Instead, it’s about thousands of other chosen ones over centuries, all destined for the same purpose: to protect, to fight, and to avenge the darkness.
The descendants of Aster, children of the sun, were also born to always follow the same mission— to seal away the darkness.
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Regarding the descendants of elemental casters, it's VERY speculative since we don't know enough about them. However, I believe they were destined to control the darkness, to take hold of it.
And for as long as this entity, this darkness, had such an effect on Mana, they joined forces to seal it away and safeguard their world.
But what if those cycles of history get suddenly shattered? Perhaps due to an unfulfilled deal, or maybe a deal never meant to be fulfilled… What if one of the descendants of the sun, blessed by Aster, who was meant to seal the darkness away, inadvertently unleashed it? Causing a disturbance in the universe, so violent and so unpredictable that it changes everything?
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This disruption could make those united against the darkness to turn on each other, inadvertently allowing the darkness to thrive.
Rather than sealing the darkness, the descendants of the sun are harnessing it for destruction.
Instead of engaging in battle, the Tritons have retreated to the ocean's deepest depths, selecting a sacrificial lamb who would single-handedly play the role of a protector and bear the burden of this fight alone.
While the knowledge about the casters is limited, judging by this pattern, they likely grew weaker, most likely losing their ability to control the darkness altogether. It's probable that it became concealed. 
(May explain why Chip's powers manifested very late—they were hidden away.)
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Now, consider this. Jay Ferin, a child of the sun and descendant of those olympians, blessed by Aster; Gillion Tidestrider, a descendant of the Tritons or the Leviathans, blessed by Lunadeyis' light; and Chip, likely a descendant of the elemental casters mentioned in the prophecy, capable of grasping the darkness…
They stand as the ideal heroes of the story, maybe one of the only ones with the original, uncorrupted desire still burning within them, the ones to single-handedly save the world.
It makes a good story, doesn't it?
The sun, the moon, the elements.
Descendants of the three main bloodlines.
The unborn kings?
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Now, let’s move to Niklaus for a moment.
Didn’t he say that he likes a good story? 
But first, I'd like to believe that in the grand scheme of things, Niklaus is merely a vessel, born in the abyss, for this entity, this darkness that threatens the world. He is bound to be the one to further its corrupting influence. And maybe with all this power in his hands, many centuries ago, he even self-proclaimed himself as a prince.
Didn't Niklaus once describe himself as a storyteller? What if this storyteller is fated to witness a tale that endlessly repeats itself? Such repetition can grow tedious and mundane. So eventually, a simple desire emerges—to instigate change, to sow chaos, and perhaps to find an opportunity to break free from the chains binding him to this world.
A vessel for darkness, born in the abyss,
Bound to spread corruption,
A nameless prince:
Niklaus.
And then we have the guarding giant, still clinging to his original desire,
Holding the darkness at bay for as long as he can:
Arlin.
Does it make more sense now?
Now let’s take a look at things on a much smaller scale.
Have you ever wondered why Chip, Jay, and Gillion—a wannabe pirate, a soldier, and the champion of the Undersea, respectively—form such a fucking random assortment of people? The only thread connecting them seems to be their association with the Black Rose members. And their meeting feels like destiny, doesn't it? What if I told you it's not destiny at all, but rather the aftermath of Captain Rose's failed deal with Niklaus?
(Was the deal intentionally unfulfillable? Was it by accident? I dont fucking know!)
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We know that whatever deal Captain Rose struck with Niklaus aimed to leave behind a legacy that would change the world. However, Rose failed to uphold his end of the deal, leading to his corruption and transformation into a goopy yucky—essentially, his deal backfired.
You might wonder, in what way it backfired? What better way to leave a lasting legacy than to trigger an event so impactful that it halts the endless cycle of history, disrupting the very mechanism that powers this world? To plunge the world into chaos, only to mend it once more, by bringing together the remaining group of individuals to retrace the steps of their ancestors—different people bound by the same desires as those that came before them.
Yes, the same desires.
The last thing Arlin, Drey, and Finn heard after releasing the entity from the egg was,
"What do you desire?"
What did Arlin James desire most?
I'd have two guesses.
Firstly, while discussing their desires on the staircase, Arlin expresses his desire to find the rest of the crew. Later, after Drey kills Rose, Arlin's words are: "There's still others that need our help [...] Adventure's not over."
Secondly, Arlin clearly wanted the best for Chip. He wanted to be there for this scrawny kid with no family or home, offering him something solid to hold onto.
Why do I bring this up? Because Arlin's desires have been passed down to Chip.
Firstly, hasn't Chip been chasing this his entire life? To locate the members of the Black Rose Pirates, to reassemble the crew, and to relive the old days.
Secondly, the dynamic between Chip and Ollie mirrors this relationship. While Ollie might be more like a brother to Chip and vice versa, it's evident to me that Chip cared for Ollie much like Arlin would for him. Just as Arlin gave Chip a coin, Chip passed that same coin on to Ollie.
What did Drey Ferin desire the most?
I believe he yearned to prove himself—not just to be another Ferin, but to establish his independence, to carve out a name for himself. Maybe he harboured hopes of achieving something significant, something that would make his father proud upon his return home.
Why do I bring this up? Because Drey's desires influenced Jay.
Jay Ferin ventures out with a mission: to uncover her sister's killer and exact justice upon the pirates that are responsible. And in doing so, she hoped to earn her father's pride. Maybe she also sought a sense of freedom and independence, desiring not to be entirely under the navy's influence.
What did Finn Tidestrider desire the most?
GAY SEX /J
Finn yearned to leave the Undersea, to broaden his research, and to witness the wonders of the world above first-hand. He aimed to dispel the notion that the surface was as intimidating as the Undersea made it out to be.
Why do I bring this up? Because Finn's desires influenced Gillion.
Who wouldn't, after years of rigorous training to become a champion—enduring beatings, breaking under relentless training, and being moulded into someone you're not—wish for it to cease, to break free and see the world for oneself? Upon witnessing the Elders negotiating with a human, perhaps it was that sight that pushed him over the edge. Maybe it was an impulsive decision, or perhaps it was his destiny all along. And once on the surface, Gillion's curiosity becomes evident. He wants to learn, experience, and judge for himself. Perhaps he also wishes to someday show his people that the surface isn't as menacing as they've been led to believe.
Niklaus was aware of all of this; he knows far more than he ever lets on. That's why, even before arriving in the town on Loffinlot, he was already trailing Chip, Jay and Gillion—the supposed heroes destined to save the world, or maybe aid him in fulfilling his own desire for freedom.
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Closing thoughts? 
This might be a load of bullshit!
I'm going to take a nap!
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cryptotheism · 7 months
Note
Oh, yeah ofc fantasy is fantasy and can be anything. I guess the question I was trying to ask is how that happened to alchemy specifically. Like, why did one field of study get mythologized and turned into shorthand for 'medicine but magic and weird' in fantasy when that treatment hasn't been given to other real pursuits of antiquity?
Like, smithing is also pretty prevalent in fantasy but is mostly represented realistically save a bit of dramatization and cutting out the stuff that isn't particularly cinematic about it. But something like alchemy, the golden age of which is not appreciably longer ago than that of smithing in the grand scheme, is almost unrecognizable in its translation. I just wonder why that is I guess
Honestly? I think the real answer is that actual historical alchemy is complicated. It's dense reading that even historians with degrees regularly struggle with. I'm not any smarter or dumber than the historians and writers of old, but I've hyper-specialized for understanding a particular type of obscure text.
It's also evocative. The narrative code that a lot of alchemists wrote in is frankly beautiful. It's hard not to get caught up in the imagery of the Exhumed Venus and the Moor and the Headless King. Especially post-paracelsus, these texts really do read like some kind of esoteric ritual prayerbook. Sometimes they straight up are esoteric ritual prayerbooks. (But generally you gotta go back to Zosimos for that.)
Many, many alchemical texts come pre-mythologized, partially as a natural consequence of how academic writing got passed down in the pre-byzantine era. You kinda had to tie your work to some legendary sage. People didn't give a shit if Joe Alexandrian wrote some shit about copper. But if you make up a legendary wizard, people care!
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sinfulsalutations · 8 months
Text
𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕜𝕥𝕠𝕓𝕖𝕣 𝕕𝕒𝕪 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕖𝕖 ⋆*・゚ 𝕙𝕒𝕥𝕖 𝕤𝕖𝕩 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕔𝕣𝕠𝕤𝕤𝕙𝕒𝕚𝕣
⋆ ★ ᴋɪɴᴋᴛᴏʙᴇʀ 2023 ʟɪɴᴇᴜᴘ
➼ ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ ☆ ᴄʀᴏꜱꜱʜᴀɪʀ x ɢɴ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ
➼ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ☆ ᴘᴇɴᴇᴛʀᴀᴛɪᴠᴇ ꜱᴇx, ᴀʙꜱᴏʟᴜᴛᴇ ᴡᴀᴄᴋ ɪɴꜱᴜʟᴛꜱ ɪ ᴘᴜʟʟᴇᴅ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴍʏ ᴀꜱꜱ, ʙᴏᴛʜ ᴄʀᴏꜱꜱʜᴀɪʀ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ᴀʀᴇ ᴏɴ ᴅᴇᴍᴏɴ ᴛɪᴍᴇ
⋆ ★ ɪ ʜᴀᴅ ꜱᴏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ꜰᴜᴄᴋɪɴɢ ꜰᴜɴ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ ᴛʜɪꜱ, ʏᴀʟʟ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴋɴᴏᴡ.
➼ ᴛʜɪꜱ ꜰɪᴄ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀɪɴꜱ ɴꜱꜰᴡ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ. ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ 18+ ᴅɴɪ
⋆ ★ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴏɴ ᴀᴏ3 ⋆*・゚ ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ ꜰᴏʀᴍ
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It’s difficult for you to hate almost any of the clones you work with. Though the Kaminoans have some certainly questionable views and methods of raising them, they’ve certainly done well teaching them manners and kindness. Most banter well, and respect your space and your time when they arrive at your office, though some are a little more flustered than others (how many have never even met a woman still baffles, yet nonetheless unsurprises you). You can cooperate quite well with most of the identical-faced troopers without any effort.
Except for Crosshair.
Ugh. Crosshair.
That toothpick-munching, frog-face frown, tacky tattoo, flat-assed, nasally-voiced sniper.
He’s never liked you, starting from the beginning in your first fleeting interaction. You’re still trying to figure out why; there’s little you could’ve done in a split moment of conversation for him to decide you’d be sworn enemies to savor the relationship. But that doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things when he’s still a total asshole. 
Flicking toothpicks onto the floor of your office and not bothering to pick them up as he leaves. Smiling all smug when he makes a sudden quip that catches you off guard. Slowly crackling and stretching his long, dexterous fingers as he deadpans in your direction, causing your breath to hitch and body heat to rise rapidly.
You’ll be one right back; you’re not a coward.
Yeah. Crosshair can fuck right off. 
But he can also fuck you if he wishes to.
“Kriff,” You swear, biting back everything in you urging to turn your firm grits into soft moans as you lift your hips, sliding yourself off his cock and sinking again. You let the sound of each of your bodies meeting, the abrupt damp slap of skin ferment in silence, let Crosshair process that the two of you really are fucking on the floor of your office. Though you can’t seem to find your clarity and realize it’s also for yourself, to calm your pounding heart in the intensity of his stare and his grip on your hips. 
“Hmph,” Crosshair pouts like a child. You flash a mean brow, not stopping your motions as he tuts and clicks his tongue with a quick shake of his head. Who does this man think he is, even in such a vulnerable state? 
At least, what might be considered vulnerable for two lovers. This, the rough and disregarding fucking, is just a release for you two. An outlet. A way of coping.
“Is that all you got?” He challenges you with a far too arrogant smirk. A nettled expression etches onto your face, hands digging into the wall space above his shoulders as you slow down your movements. The action seems to make Crosshair even more smug. Your purposeful deceleration is all due to what he does to you. Maker, this is too fucking embarrassing. You need to get your bearings back. You need the control back.
“Don’t,” you warn, biting back another pleasured sound from squeezing its way out of your chest. 
You lock eyes with Crosshair, chest heaving as he holds your hips flush to his pelvis. He begins to rock you himself when you don’t budge, undulating up and down in little circles.  Something of a gasp leaves you, and you’re barely able to contain the whimper bubbling to the surface. Crosshair tilts his head and squints his eyes.
“Don’t what?”
Kriff, he looks like a sentient, pissed-off, visually impaired metal beam. Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh.
You don’t, especially after he decides to thrust his hips up, fucking into you with a harsh snap. Shaky fingers grip onto the steel behind his head as you shiver in pleasure. Crosshair hit that spot perfectly. And he can see it crystal clear on your face. Hissing cruelly, you slap a hand against the wall as you grit out your following words.
“Don’t fucking test me.”
The sarcastic frown he plasters on is incredibly insulting. You’re suddenly lacking the energy to be that upset over it, though. Your pussy twitches and clenches wantonly over his cock when you begin to move again, that mind-numbing feeling of ecstasy nearing with each passing second.
“Aw, what you’re gonna do about it?” He coos in the most condescending manner as his gaze flitters down to your stomach, watching your heavy breaths as you move up and down, up and down… You clench involuntarily again. 
“Hop off?” One hand he rests on your hip readjusts, fingers spread lax as he presses his thumb to your sex, where you absolutely need it most. 
“When you’re so close to cumming?”
That bastard, you think vindictively, criticizing and cruel and cold, all even when you’re still bouncing up and down him with full fervor. When he grips onto your hips, and pinches the softness of your waist as he rolls you around to get on top, you let him, despite the amount of weakness it exhibits. Maker, how you hate it. His power over you is unfathomably catastrophic.
And when the thought really hits you, your stomach drops in dread.
…You’re kriffed, aren’t you?
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ragu list: @pb-jellybeans @corrieguards @badbatchbabe @ladytano420 @jediknightjana @sleepycreativewriter @shinyshayminflower @thebahdbitch @secondaryrealm @nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius @kimiheartblade @followthepurrgil @wolffegirlsunite @starrylothcat @sev-on-kamino @aconstructofamind @padawancat97 @littlemissmanga @starqueensthings @anxiouspineapple99 @freesia-writes @wings-and-beskar @clio3kantarella @secretthegriffin @idontgetanysleep @523rdrebel @dystopicjumpsuit @mandos-mind-trick @sunshinesdaydream @clonemedickix @andrakass2 @jesjestraverse @crosshairlovebot @wizardofrozz @dangraccoon @lickylickylicky @captainfresh501 @ladyzirkonia @multi-fan-dom-madness @moonlightwarriorqueen @eyeluvmusic21 @mythical-illustrator @imarvelatthestars
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roycevelvet · 3 months
Text
Darkness at the heart of my love
Pairings: Noah Sebastian x reader Warnings: none Notes: again, don't know where this is going, many ideas, never an ending hihi. Also, listen to this song, it was my muse for this thing/chapter whatever you wanna call it lol.
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You traced the faded design on your chipped nail polish, lost in memories of a summer filled with his laughter and stolen kisses. It seemed like ages ago, those sunny days when his voice was always there, comforting and familiar. Now, as you waited for him to answer the phone, you couldn't help but feel the weight of all that had shifted.
"Hey, babe" Noah's voice finally rasped through the phone, heavy with sleep. It was the first time you'd heard from him in days.
"Hey" you forced a smile. "I was starting to think you'd forgotten about me."
He chuckled, but it lacked its usual warmth. "Sorry, busy week. Soundchecks, interviews, you know...”
You bit your lip, pushing down the familiar pang of loneliness. "Yeah, I figured," you mumbled. You weren't sure if you were more hurt by the missed calls or the casual dismissal of your absence, like he hadn't missed you at all.
The silence stretched, thick with unspoken emotions. Finally, you gathered your courage. "So, when do you think we can have a proper talk? It’s been a while since, you know, we’ve had an actual conversation that lasted longer than 5 minutes.”
"Honestly, (Y/N), it's been crazy. I don't know when things will settle down."
The truth stung. You knew it wasn't just the tour schedule anymore. He wasn't making the effort, and your once vibrant connection felt like a fading radio signal, distorted and barely there.
"Okay," you said, your voice cracking slightly. "I understand."
You ended the call quickly as you didn't want him to hear you cry. The quiet in your small apartment felt overwhelming, tears welled in your eyes. It made it hard to see as you scrolled through X.
Among the bright lights and pictures of concerts, there he was. Noah, laughing with a bunch of fans, his arm around a pretty blonde girl, her smile big and happy.
A wave of nausea washed over you. You knew, logically, that he was a celebrity, bound to interact with fans. But the sight of him so close to another woman, the intimacy of his touch, ignited a jealousy you hadn't anticipated.
It wasn't just jealousy, though. It was a deeper feeling of insecurity that had been bothering you for weeks. It ate away at your confidence, leaving you feeling empty inside. You started to wonder if you were just a temporary fix in his glamorous world when he came back home.
Every time Noah didn't respond to your messages or calls, it felt like a punch in the gut. You felt completely alone, like you were drowning in a sea of uncertainty, desperately clinging to the hope that Noah would throw you a lifeline.
But he never did. Instead, he brushed aside your attempts to share your feelings, making empty promises and offering half-hearted apologies. It felt like he didn't really care about you anymore, as if you didn't matter in the grand scheme of his busy life.
When you called, he was always laughing with someone in the background, always busy, always talking. Other times, he was tired, his voice heavy with exhaustion, or sleepy, his words slurred as he struggled to stay awake. But his attention was never one hundred percent on you. It was as if he existed in a world that never slowed down, a whirlwind that left little room for anything else, for anyone else.
One evening, as you sat alone, feeling sad and listening to music, how poetic. The lyrics of "Darkness at the Heart of My Love," the song you and Noah shared, echoed around the room. Now, the lyrics felt hollow, a cruel reminder of a love that couldn't survive the distance.
A bitter smile twisted your lips. The summer had died, taking your love with it. You finally understood Noah's silence. It wasn't just about the tour schedule; it was about him choosing a different path, a path that didn't include you.
The anger that had been simmering beneath finally boiled over. You grabbed your phone and dialed his number, your fingers trembling slightly. He answered after the first ring, his voice laced with surprise.
"Is that it, Noah?" you began, your voice surprisingly steady despite the storm raging within you. "Is this how it ends? With unanswered calls and texts and photos with girls who look like they stepped out of a magazine?"
The silence on the other end was heavy and suffocating. Noah was surprised by your sudden outburst, his usually quick response delayed as he struggled with your words. 
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Noah spoke.”I… I don't know what to say, (Y/N). It's not like that."
He sighed. Did he just fucking sigh at your words? This making you even angrier than you already were.
"Then what is it like, Noah?" you asked, raging. "Why do I feel like I'm always waiting for you, but you don’t seem to need me?”
There was a pause, a long silence again. And then, Noah's voice said “I’m sorry, (Y/N). I've been so caught up in everything... I didn't mean to make you feel this way."
His words made you feel hopeful at first. But then doubt crept in, whispering that maybe he did mean it to make you feel this way. After all, he had been practically ignoring you for weeks, so why would things suddenly change now?
"Tell me, Noah," you continued, your voice shaking slightly as you recite the lyrics of your shared song. "Does your love have a darkness? Does it run cold, deep, like the lyrics you so readily quote all the time?"
Noah's answer came quickly, his words rushing out. "No, (Y/N), it's not like that. I love you, I really do. But... I've been struggling with everything."
You listened, feeling a tug on your heart with each word he said. But even as he opened up about his struggles, you couldn't shake the lingering question: why hadn't he reached out to you sooner? Why had he left you feeling lost and alone, without any explanation?
"Goodbye, Noah," you said, the weight of the word crushing you as much as it crushed him.
You didn't wait for a response. You didn't need one. You ended the call, the silence on the other end told you everything you needed to know.
But the silence wouldn't last forever. Occasionally, you'd be brought back to reality by the harsh ringtone cutting through silence. Your heart would skip a beat, hoping it was Noah finally reaching out, but it was never Noah.
Everything seemed to remind you of him, yet you never felt lonelier. You couldn't help but wonder why Noah never bothered to reach out, not even once. Did you really mean that little to him? Were you really that disposable?
In the days after, you kept busy with work or watching Netflix late into the night, trying to avoid thinking about Noah. But he was always there, like a ghost in your thoughts.
You tried to find comfort in your usual daily routine, but it couldn't fill the emptiness. The coffee tasted bitter, hanging out with friends felt empty, and the nights felt long and lonely.
You tried to move on, exploring new things and even going on a few dates. But every new situationship felt like a weak copy of what you had with Noah. He had made a big impression on your heart, and no matter how much time passed or how far you went, you couldn't forget it.
Despite the hurt, there was a small shimmer of hope. You wished, deep down, that someday he would return, willing to fight for you. Though you felt really silly and stupid for even dare to think this way.
But even as you struggled with everything, life kept marching on. You started to find joy again in unexpected places, glimpses of happiness.
And slowly, ever so slowly, the ache in your heart began to simmer down. It didn't disappear entirely – you doubted it ever would – but it became more bearable, a constant companion rather than an overwhelming force.
You threw yourself into your passions, rediscovering the things that brought you joy before Noah had come crashing into your life. Music became your refuge once more, the melodies and lyrics you hadn't realized you'd been missing.
One evening, a couple of months later, you had a small gig at a nearby bar. It was a simple chance to share your songs with a small crowd which you really appreciated. 
The concert was fantastic, but you did feel kinda relieved when it ended. As you left the stage, still buzzing with adrenaline, you were met with cheers and applause from the small but enthusiastic crowd. Lottie and Taylor, your ever-supportive best friends, beaming with excitement.
“(Y/N), you were absolutely stunning out there!" Lottie exclaimed, pulling you into a tight hug. "I'm so proud of you!"
"Seriously, (Y/N), that was incredible," Taylor chimed in, her voice filled with genuine admiration. "You absolutely smashed it!"
You smiled at your friends, feeling grateful for their constant support. Together, you moved through the crowd, settling into a cozy booth.
The air was filled with the scent of beer and the sound of people chatting and clinking glasses. Laughter and shared memories filled the air, recalling inside jokes and cherished memories.
They skillfully avoided mentioning Noah though, as they were fuming with him for how he had broken their best friend down to a shadow of herself. 
You were thankful for them, as they had been there since the start, helping you through the heartbreak.
As the night went on and the drinks kept coming, you got lost in the fun with your friends, forgetting about time and how much you had to drink. But just when you were starting to relax and enjoy the moment, you felt someone looking at you.
You turned around and saw Noah, his expression hard to figure out but somehow familiar. And in that quick moment, it was just the two of you, silently looking at each other. Everything else around you disappearing.
To be continued.
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