#ALSO i finally updated the tags because that was also long overdue

[chussyracing]

what's been happening in motorsport lately?

(long overdue update from me so it's very long and therefore hidden under the cut)

F1 teams and drivers:

Williams (union jack) and Red Bull (red pattern) brought special liveries to Silverstone

Andy Cowell (previously Merc PU chief) joins Aston Martin as new CEO

Mick Schumacher will do a Pirelli tyre test for McLaren because no other reserve driver of thier has the criteria to drive the car and their F1 drivers are coming off a triple header (so their activated the option to use Merc juniors/reserves)

Matt Whyman is Publishing „Inside Mercedes F1: Life in te Fast Lane“ book

Mercedes will bring more upgrades to both Spa and Hungary

Checo will get the new Red Bull floor Max has been running in the next race as well although Helmut Marko said that upgrade was only worth 6 points of downforce

i am so sure that i wrote this down about a month ago but since everyone has been talking about it: Enrico Cardile left Ferrari and will serve gardening leave for the rest of the season before joining Aston Martin, so Fred will oversee the area himself before Loic Serra comes (and potentially Newey as according to rumour that’s main reason behind Enrico leaving)

Ferrari is also set to have a board meeting to discuss the current form

Ollie and Pietro Fittipaldi completed Pirelli tyre testing for Haas

Michael Broadhurst became Alpine’s chief aerodynamicist (previously in Red Bull and McLaren) and Vin Dhanani became their head of vehicle performance (previously in Red Bull) and finally Jacopo Fantoni is their new deputy chief engineer (in Ferrari last year)

Visa Cash App RB partnered with Warner Bros to promote Twisters in Silverstone

oh and after complaining about the tickets the N*rstappen ruffle in Austria helped them sell out the Silverstone weekend

Charles is Peroni’s world brand ambassador and an ad and the first part of short video series to promote the drink was posted

Adidas will be Merc’s official clothing partner

Lewis was reading CBeebies Bedtime Story on BBC on 3rd July called „Small’s Big Dream“ by Manjeet Mann

Charles expanded the export of his LEC ice cream so now you can get it in Italy (can confirm that one, had Chocolate Crunch from Unes and it was delicious), France and Monaco

Pierre extended with Alpine and Lance extended with Aston Martin for next year (and beyond)

oh lol i almost forgot Ollie Bearman is officially Haas 2025 F1 driver!!!

Williams announced 26 new employees joining this year with some big names from RBR, Merc, Ferrari and others (like Matt Harman joining after summer break)

Logan started his own app (i didn’t research more on it so far but apparently there are a few articles about him so far)

Ferrari asked for an explanation from FIA after RBR’s mid season RB18 test that led to performance upgrades which shouldn’t be allowed with tests

McLaren sent out thank you packages to other teams as they helped them out after their hospitality caught fire

Alex made (and almost sold out already) Albon Pets merch

Toto Wolff confirmed they included police to research the email that was sent to journalists and F1 figures concerning the sabotage of Lewis in the team

Mercedes will have a charity football match against Aston Martin today

and Levi’s partnered with McLaren to make special edition of merch

after Almave Ambar, Almave Blanco will be distributed in the UK as well

Andretti Cadillac hired Chris Green as IT director and Laura Sturland as finance director (both previously in Merc)

Future of F1:

6 sprint weekends in 2025 will be: China, Miami, Spa, Cota, Brazil and Qatar (there is one or maybe two locations that make sense otherwise it kills the weekend imo but ok)

Rolex ends their sponsorship of F1 after 10 years (11 if you count this one), instead LVMH will step up into their position starting in 2025 (it is also very much possible Tag Heuer will be their title sponsor since it falls under LVMH umbrella and occupies similar position in business as Rolex, side note: Rag Heuer is the current sponsor of Red Bull) – rumouredly this is about money like everything in F1, the new contract is supposed to be $ 150m, so about three times as much as Rolex gave them

besides this, F1 is also finalising deal with American Express as a global partner

Zandvoort is contemplating making gravel traps to avoid track limits like they did in Austria

Rumours of the paddock:

Zak Brown has been asking for a possibility of engine supply from RBPT instead of Mercedes due to fear of reliability if they start supplying Alpine as well (considering they will drop Aston who gets Honda’s engine and knowing how much he publicly criticizes Red Bull and the culture in the team i kinda doubt it)

Alpine is also exploring RBPT and Ferari as potential engine suppliers instead of Renault

Jos Verstappen still very much wants to get his son out of the Red Bull team and Mercedes could be the next destination, Jos said in Austria that Christian Horner is the one responsible for not allowing him to drive during legends parade during the weekend and they had a lil argument speaking to media, there is still the rumour about Merc engines in 2026 being strong and that being a good argument for Max

this is technically not a rumour but also not confirmed either but Fred Vasseur strongly indicated in an interview that Lewis‘ contract will be for three years (he said they want to be champions in 2025, 2026, 2027 or something along those lines basically)

Haas is about to announce the extending of engine supply from Ferrari (with stronger links as Ollie becomes their official driver while being a part of FDA), they might get some kind of parts from Toyota as well (along with their knowhow) with potential title sponsorship deal

also Gene Haas apparently wants to expand their facilities in the UK

racingnews365 believe that Esteban is going to announce his deal with Haas before summer break

i want to prelude this by saying that driver contracts are highly confidential and nobody knows what exactly is in them, because they simply do not talk about the legal stuff so it wouldn’t get out BUT there has been a lot of speculation about Checo and his contract including clauses of performance compared to Max, some of which he is currently not complying so there is a rumour if he doesn’t improve over the next two races, they can terminate his contract and replace him mid-season (with candidates being Daniel Ricciardo – Horner’s favourite + good for their marketing where Checo is strong, Liam Lawson – Marko’s favourite + has a close to look among other teams if he doesn’t get a RBR backed seat for 2025, and apparently also Yuki)

also Liam is doing a filming day (200 kms test) with RB20 in Silverstone today which is a similar move they did with Daniel Ricciardo last year before he replaced Nyck

and Joe Saward thinks he will replace Daniel in July

also some people freaked out about Mick doing a Pirelli test for McLaren and honestly he has bigger change in Alpine where he did kind of a shootout with Jack Doohan (we have no info about how it went besides Toto saying he was strong)

after Williams were ready to announce a contract with Carlos in Spain with Netflix ready to shoot the footage of it and after he pulled out of it with new offer from Alpine (or rather Flavio Briatore), they now focused on getting Valtteri Bottas as a stable driver to partner Alex

that leaves Carlos waiting if Max really leaves RBR (but Marko made it clear they don’t want him anyway), potentially Merc (Toto said they are not interested in him but after Kimi’s  results in F2 so far, he said maybe the door is not fully closed for him yet), Audi (where Liam Lawson was seen in Austria, but even after Carlos missed a deadline from them, they might be interested) or Alpine (and if he says no, they still have Jack and Mick lined up and ready)

meanwhile Guanyu has been exploring the option to get a seat in FE if he cannot find one in F1 (with Alpine, Haas and Sauber as possible options) or even being a reserve for an F1 team for 2025

Ted Kravitz mentioned paddock gossip of Estaban leaving earlier than planned to replace Logan mid season in Williams and make space for Jack Doohan in Alpine (the only thing supporting this right now is interview with James Vowles talking about this and mentioning potential changes event his season)

Will Buxton on the other hand mentioned Daniel Ricciardo is talking to Williams

and finally Blick reported that Drugovich might be on Williams‘ list after Carlos

as for Logan he is reportedly in talks with Prema to get their Indycar seat

Lewis Hamilton is rumoured to buy Gresini Racing motogp team

apparently Lewis also called Seb to ask about what Adami is like as a race engineer and Seb gave him positive feedback

Jeremy Clarkson said he can calm people down and say that Newey is not looking for houses in Italy but rather UK

the superlicence request in Miami was potentially meant for Arvid Linblad (if you don’t know who he is, he is rbr junior currently crushing it in F3)

Briatore wants to bring Binotto into Alpine (lol)

Other series and juniors:

Franco Colapinto, Ollie Bearman, Jack Doohan and Isack Hadjar got their FP1 junior drive in Silverstone

Roman Staněk will end in Trident after Monza, he terminated the contract due to the team not performing like expected and is currently looking for a possibility of another seat in F2 (when it’s on dry, the car lacks too much to others and only on wet like in Silverstone’s sprint, the differences are diminished and the driver can show what’s in them like he did going from p22 to p8)

British F4 race in Zandvoort will have SO many F1 Academy drivers: Abbi Pulling, Bianca Bustamante, Carrie Schreiner, Jessica Edgar (and of course Chloe Chong which is driving full season in British F4)

so Arrow McLaren cannot behave for a week, to sum it up: David Malukas (who got a full time seat after Alex Palou was sued for not driving for them) got injured, they got Callum Illot drove instead of him for some time, since David wasn’t healing, they fired him and hired Theo Pourchaire for the rest of the season, INSTEAD they fired him as well after he posted about how he can’t wait for another race, and now hired Nolan Siegel (and on top Rossi will leave the team and will get replaces by Lundgaard  in 2025)

freaking Nikita Mazepin was testing GT3 in Hungary after the EU sanctions were lifted (side note idk if i stated before but Haas has to pay off Ural Kali)

Other news:

Goodwood festival of speed is coming up with interesting names (like Frederik Vesti, whole of Williams team, RB team including Horner etc)

the F1 movie everyone has been in frenzy about will be called… F1 (i think there is some teaser too if you are interested, also Fernando did an interview after Silverstone which will be used for the movie as well as some other real life stuff, like Pierre’s onboards modified) OHHH also Hans Zimmer should compose music for it like he did for Hunt vs Lauda (however it is called in English)

there was a rumour that Danica Patrick is leaving Sky Sports but that fake (or rather AI generated)

the Silverstone trophy was made by ex-F1 mechanic Alastair Gibson from car parts (there are two trophies always but the Iconic golden one is returned)

i am putting this in other category because it’s simply too unhinged but there was an open letter from some fans that Leo Leclerc is not loved and cared for enough (be so serious he has better life than i do)

[mybiasisexo]

Entangled - Part 7

Pairing: Chanyeol x f.Reader

Chapter Warnings: Language | Smut

Word Count: 8.2k

Author Notes: 🤠. now I know y'all see the warning lmfao yes we are here 🤷🏾‍♀️. This is the longest chapter so far, which I think is deserved since it took me fifty'leven years to write 😭. This chapter was a bitch, and I am SO GLAD its over!!!

In the time I spent loligagging, I made a series playlist!!!! EXO's Let Me In is like the perfect theme song for both this chapter and the series in general I think. Its what inspired me to finish the chapter. Can't believe we're getting new exo in 2 weeks ❤️!!! They bout to do it again!!!

Also, question, has anyone noticed that Chanyeol has never said Yerim's name? No one has pointed it out and so this is me doing so 😂

This is my first time ever writing smut so I hope it's good. Our couple is still a mess lmfao but I'm still rooting for them and I hope you are too. ENJOYYYYY~ 😉 And I hope I never take this long to update again 😭

(And as always, if youd like to be tagged lmk!)

Chanyeol’s head snaps up in shock. “You just said yes, right?”

You nod reassuringly, fighting an amused smile. “Yeah. I’ll go.”

He studies your face for a moment, probably searching for any reluctance or doubt. You know there’s nothing of that to find, but you patiently stand there and let him figure it out on his own.

You know when he believes you, because a rather pleased grin lifts a corner of his mouth, revealing the cute dimple in his cheek. In the past, you’d poke it whenever it was in poking range. He’d always make a dramatic show of complaining everytime you did, but you knew he secretly loved it, the overgrown baby.

He draws you back to the present by turning around and leading you to his room, bouncing with each step. You follow tentatively behind, wondering what you just got yourself into.

Your heart races as he scans the key. The little click from the door unlocking sets off your nerves. He opens the door and motions you to enter first. You take a centering breath before crossing the threshold, but your shoulder ends up brushing against Chanyeol’s torso, and the contact ignites sparks of electricity to shoot throughout your body. Chanyeol shivers, as if he feels it too.

Once inside, you don’t really know what to do, so you just stand there. Chanyeol enters after you, walking past your frozen frame, making sure to avoid touching you again. The door closing behind you completely traps you inside, and the room quickly fills with a tension so thick you feel it weigh down your shoulders and lungs like humidity. Breathing becomes a struggle, only made more difficult as Chanyeol decides to pull off his jacket, tossing it over a chair. He starts rolling up the sleeves to his elbow and all you can do is watch, transfixed. Your mouth floods with saliva you can’t swallow back down quick enough, and you’re sure you’re going to start drooling from the show he’s putting on.  

“Are you just going to stand there?” He asks. It snaps you out of your hyper focused stare. You refocus, blinking up at him as if coming out of a daze. He gives you that same dimpled grin from earlier, and it’s enough to knock some sense back into you. He definitely knows what he’s doing.

You purse your lips, but finally bend down to take off your shoes, and lean against the wall by the door, trying to keep as much distance from Chanyeol as the small room allows. You put your hands behind your back, trapping them against the wall with the weight of your body in an attempt to keep them restrained to fight the urge to do something foolish–like reaching out to give into the long overdue temptation of tracing the veins bulging out his exposed arms. In your current situation–stuck in a hotel room with your ex fiance you’re not completely over–you can admit that you miss him. Dear God, you miss him so fucking much. If there is anything this wedding has shown you, anything the past couple days have proven, it’s that you can’t be left alone with him. You can’t escape your past. 

In need of a distraction, you take in Chanyeol’s suite as you slip out of your heels. Unlike Sehun’s and your rooms, Chanyeol’s is small. A standard kitchenette spreads across the right wall, with a dresser beside it, a flatscreen television hovering above it. The left wall has one door that you assume leads to the bathroom, a full length mirror beside it. The back wall, just like the rest of the suites, is made up of windows. A massive king sized bed takes up most of the room in the middle, the headrest leaning against the windows. His room is pretty much your sleeping quarters with a kitchenette in it. 

A silence fills the room as you take it in, still heavy, but not awkward. The tension building between you both has many layers. There’s the  tension of years of separation. You’ve missed so much of each other’s lives, so many milestones and stories you have to share and catch up on. But, that can’t be done until you address another source of tension–the hurt. You’ve both been hurt by the other, and there is nothing–not even friendship–until you unpack that pain. Unfortunately, the last layer of tension is the one you’re finding the most difficult to ignore, and that’s the attraction. Obviously, you still want the man before you. This weekend has tested you, and you failed–numerous times. And now that you are truly alone with him, you know it’s only a matter of time before you completely lose yourself in all the old feelings being near him brings. 

You’re still trying to avoid the man before you, finding his presence extremely overwhelming, but he makes it hard with the heat of his attention warming your cheeks.

Exasperated, you say, “can you stop that?”

“Stop what?” He asks in confusion, voice deeper than his usual bass–a clue to his inner thoughts.

“Staring,” you clarify, finally gaining enough courage to meet his gaze. He holds it, expression intense, reflecting the longing rolling off you in waves.

“I can’t help it,” he reveals. His voice is quiet, but strained, holding back what little control he has left. “I just… can’t believe you’re really here. That….” Now, he grows shy. He ends your staring contest, opting for the lush carpet instead as he tugs on his earlobe, face turning pink. “That you’re in my hotel room. I feel like I’ll blink and you’ll be gone.”

A gentle gasp leaves you, and you have to push harder against the wall in hopes the physical pain will give you some semblance of control, because his words have your resolve crumbling. He notices your stiff form and narrows his eyes. He misinterprets your guard, not realizing that it’s for his sake more than your own. Hurt colors his expression, assuming you want the distance between you both. 

“I won’t keep you for long,” he says, voice dejected. “I just….”

“Just what?” You ask.

“Wanted to apologize. For last night.”

“You remember?” You ask skeptically. He was really drunk and, well, a lot happened in a short amount of time. A lot that definitely needed to be unpacked if you wanted to move on… or forward, or whatever it was you wanted out of this interaction. As of this moment, you aren’t sure. Closure, you suppose. Yeah, being able to say everything on your chest, and being able to understand the choices Chanyeol has made since the break up.

“Trust me, the boys refused to let me forget.” he grumbles. That brings out a rare chuckle from you. They really are Team You, and are incredibly insufferable about it. You can only imagine the things Sehun said to him. You should probably add that to your list of things to apologize for.

“I don’t remember everything,” he says. “But they let me know I made a complete fool of myself. and that I…. That I kissed you?”

The tips of his yoda ears turn an endearing shade of red, letting you know that he’s embarrassed of his actions from the night before. You can’t help but wonder if he knows what he said to you. If he can recall begging you to take him back.

You nod in confirmation and he winces. The red in his ears drag down to his neck.

“I crossed a line. You’ve been very clear on where you stand when it comes to us and I ignored that. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.”

Very clear, huh? You aren’t sure yourself where you stand, but it’s obvious Chanyeol has misread a few things if he thinks he knows how you feel about him. Cause right now? Right now, disappointment floods you at the thought of him redrawing that damn line in the sand. Especially since he thinks he’s doing it on your behalf.

It’s a way out, a way to keep things at the distance you’re at now, but you have to be honest–to the both of you.

“Yesterday,” you start. “You told me you were using Yerim as a way to stay away from me.”

He turns away in shame.

“The truth is, so was I.”

He turns back to you in shock, and his whole body visibly zeros in on you with laser focus, not wanting to miss anything that leaves your mouth.

It has your skin prickling,  but it’s not unwelcoming.

“Because the moment you were back in my life it was like you never left, and that terrified me. It still does. It feels wrong.”

He doesn’t say anything. Just takes you in, digesting your words, comparing them to the facts he has deduced for himself.

You shake your head, trying to clear your thoughts, which all seem so silly now. “I don’t know. I’m overwhelmed, I think. With the wedding, seeing you again, hurting Yerim… it’s been a lot.”

A lump starts growing in your throat, and you really don’t want to bawl in front of your ex, but it looks like that’s where you’re headed.

“It’s been hard for me too,” he shares, reciprocating your honesty. “And seeing you today? It nearly killed me.”

“I’m so sorry, Chanyeol,” you push past the thickening ball of tears. And you mean it. Even though you can say that he has made choices that have left you just as broken as yours have made him, there is no denying that you are the catalyst of those decisions. That’s why you fought so hard to not be affected by him bringing Yerim, why you reigned your friends in whenever they started ganging up on him. You know you’re just as much of a villain as you are a victim.

His jaw works. “I was in a wedding, but it wasn’t mine, and you were right there! It felt like the sickest form of torture. Afterwards, I only felt empty, like something was missing and…I’m scared it’s gone forever.”

He takes in the room, as if he’s searching for that piece he’s lost. and he looks just like he did when you first saw him today. You see the despair he feels, the regret, the crushing weight of finality. He’s coming to terms with this reality of his, coming to terms with the fact that he’s lost you for good.

He’s misread you again.

You’re still conflicted, but what you know for sure is that you hate his expression, hate seeing him in any kind of pain. Needing to soothe his suffering, you admit more of your truths, trying to get him to see exactly where you’re at. “I had to leave the reception early because I couldn’t watch them any longer.”

Your voice brings Chanyeol back, melting most of the misery off his face. A wave of relief washes over you and urges you to continue. “I tried, I really did. I wanted to be just as excited as everyone else was, but it seemed the more I wanted to make myself feel joy, the more miserable I felt. I didn’t want to ruin this moment for Junmyeon and the others, so I left. My plan was to just mope in my room, but then you were in the elevator with me, and I realized….” You take a deep encouraging breath and close your eyes before confessing, “I realized I didn’t want to be alone after all.”

The silence comes back, but it’s a bit louder this time with your admission hovering between you. 

You’re dying to see his reaction to your words, but you’re too embarrassed to check. 

You’re not sure how much time passes, but it feels like an eternity when Chanyeol finally speaks. “So, you do feel the same way. I wondered…. Thought I was the only one who felt this…this bitterness.”

His choice of words has your head snapping up in surprise. It’s now that you realize the real reason why you took up Chanyeol’s invitation, why once in his presence you didn’t want to be alone anymore. You came here for comfort. You know that he is the only person who completely understands what you’ve been going through mentally since getting that cursed invitation. You briefly wonder if this is right. If it’s okay to run into the arms of the man whose heart you broke, because it’s a heartache you share. You both understand each other’s pain. It’s a comforting revelation to you, but you’re not sure if it is to him.

All the same, you’re going to relish in it.

“I feel it too,” you reveal. “That could’ve been us, Chanyeol.”

“That should’ve been us,” he corrects.

 And then he’s taking a step towards you.

“But I got cold feet,” you admit, hoping that will stop his advances.

It doesn’t sway him. He takes another step. “You did.”

“And then you took back the ring.”

His face pinches. Still, he takes yet another step. “I did.”

“And then you brought Yerim here,” you continue.

Another step. “And then you told me you hated me.”

Confusion washes over you at that, not remembering what he’s referencing. Although you can think of many reasons why you would tell him that. “I did?”

“You did.”

“Okay, but then you kissed me.”

He’s now a breath away, staring at your lips at the reminder of the intimate act, not an ounce of regret in his features. “I did.”

“And now we’re here,” you let out in a woosh.

“And now we’re here.”

You haven’t even begun to scratch the surface of the problems plaguing your relationship. You have at least five questions for him, and you’re sure he has even more for you. Sehun was right, a talk needs to be had if you want to move forward, but your body has other plans. People always say it’s a battle between the heart and mind, but no one ever brings up the body’s plight. Your body yearns for his. The close proximity is enough proof, with the way you instantly relax against the wall instead of pushing into it. Your hands are finally freed from their cage, falling at your sides.

Half of you, the more logical part of your brain, still wants to put up a fight. You know you should shove him away, create that distance in hopes to clear your mind. But, the truth is, you’re tired of fighting. You’ve been doing that all weekend; it’s exhausting and isn't working. You want to shut your brain off, want to just give into all your urges, and forget. You want to forget the pain of seeing Chanyeol with another woman, forget the way it broke your heart more than you thought it could break, forget your role in all of this. Actually, you want the opposite. You want to remember. Remember all the good times with Chanyeol. Remember everything about him that made you fall so deeply, that even after years of separation, you still haven’t been able to move on from him. 

So, no, you don’t want to fight anymore. Not tonight. You want him, you never stopped wanting him, and that’s a battle you’re willing to lose, especially with the way he seems to be silently urging you to give into the energy surrounding you.

You want to remember.

Chanyeol wants to as well, because he lifts one of his hands to cup the side of your face, thumb gently rubbing the plush of your bottom lip. You always seem to end up like this–asking for distance, yet closing it everytime.

The contact is as much familiar as it is foreign. He’s touched your face a couple times already during this trip, but this time it feels new, like it’s the first time he’s dared to.

His skin on yours throws you back into the past, back to before you ruined everything, when you both were unabashedly in love, and it wasn’t complicated.

He takes you in with wonder. “My Melody.”

My Melody. There it is. His nickname for you in its entirety. It’s so tenderly said, it only further pulls you deeper into nostalgia. You are the melody of his life–that’s what he always said, and that’s why he gave you the name. Even with just Mel, you understood the implications of the name, knew that you still had possession of his heart, no matter how hard you wanted to ignore it. You are his melody, always and forever.

The fire that has been idling within you explodes, becoming a forest fire and burning what little restraint you have left. You want to be his Melody, want to prove to him that you’re still deserving of the title. Damn near desperate, you wrap his tie around your fist and use it to yank him down and press your lips firmly against his.

He yelps in surprise, but is kissing you back with just as much fervor, sighing with the sweet relief of finally having you like this. He lets you pull his lips apart, sliding your tongue into the cavern of his mouth to prod his own. His hands grip your waist almost painfully as he tilts his head to the side to get better access. It doesn’t take long for him to overtake your dominance, shoving your tongue back into your mouth, with his right behind, needing to be inside of you, somehow someway.

A grunt leaves him, the noise putting every inch of your body on high alert. Your nipples stiffen and a warm pool gathers in your panties. The need to have him closer, closer grows stronger with every sound that leaves his sinful lips.

If there is one thing Chanyeol hasn’t seemed to forget, it’s the effect he has on your body. As if to prove just how in sync you are, he cups the back of your knees and lifts you up so that you can wrap your legs around his narrow hips. He pushes you roughly against the wall, using his body to hold you up. Fingers crawl from your knees, up the sides of your thighs, and slither underneath your dress. He stops before he hits your hips, curling his fingers into claws to rack his nails back down the trail they just took, leaving pink lines in their wake. Your head falls back from the dull pain, enjoying it just as much as the pleasure. Chanyeol rewards you with wet messy kisses to the column of your exposed neck.

“Fuck,” he growls against your warm skin. The sound does wonders to your nether regions. You shiver, getting lost in the feeling of your chest rubbing against his with every uneven breath you both take. 

“Missed you so much, My Melody.” Chanyeol groans. “I need to show you. Please, let me show you how much.”

“Yes,” you whimper, tugging at his hair in an attempt to pull him back to your mouth. “Fuck, Chanyeol, yes.”

His lips meet yours again, but this time they’re short, almost playful, pecks. 

His hands run over the land of your body, reacquainting himself with you. His inquisitive fingers discover the zipper at the back of your dress, and he plays with it.

“May I?” He asks, voice now deepened with desire. It takes everything in you not to just tear every article of clothing separating the two of you.

Instead, you settle on a whimpering, “please.”

He smiles into your mouth and takes hold of the zipper, pulling it down at a painstakingly slow pace. Your beautiful gown falls off your shoulders, but you don’t break the kiss or make any move to help him remove it until he has it unzipped completely.

It’s only when he has it zipped as far as it will go that you finally pull away, giving him a full view. He’s already staring at your chest, licking his lips in anticipation. A swell of pride fills you, knowing that you are the reason for the hungry expression on his face. Eager to please him, you shimmy your shoulders, the action causing the fabric to slide off and gather at your lap, exposing your top half fully to him.

“No bra?” He finally breathes after taking a moment to appraise you, transfixed. 

“You couldn’t tell?”

His eyes flicker up to your face in a heatless glare, gaining a victorious smirk from you.

“I was a bit preoccupied by your tongue, I fear.”

“Well,” you lean your face closer to his. “Don’t make that mistake again.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He matches your wicked grin before–not breaking eye contact–placing a tender kiss to one of your breasts. You bite your lip at the sensation, fighting the urge to moan. He leaves another kiss to your other breast before sucking the nipple into his mouth. His tongue swirls around the nub. Your head falls back again, hips circling with want. 

A hiss leaves your swollen mouth as he scrapes his teeth over your rigid nipple, apologizing for the pain with a kitty lick. Never one to play favorites, he cups the other breast not currently in his mouth, rolling your erect nub between his thumb and forefinger.

You poke out your chest for Chanyeol to devour, and dig the heels of your feet into the base of his back, needing to feel the pressure of his want for you against your building heat. You both seem to like that, if your matching moans are any indication. He switches breasts, sucking the other one into his mouth. You cradle the back of his head, holding him against your chest, closing your eyes as you succumb to the pleasure only he’s able to give you properly. As if to confirm this, Chanyeol slips a hand into your dress, over the band of your underwear, to caress the heat between your legs. You jerk in surprise, gasping at the sensation. His answering chuckle is dark, a warning of what is to come.

“So eager,” he murmurs, dripping lips tickling your slippery chest. “So wet. I’ve barely touched you and can tell. Did you miss me that much, Melody?”

Slightly embarrassed, you want to order him to shut up, but the truth is that you did miss him that much, and are damn near desperate to have him fill you up. 

“Don’t tease me,” you beg in a needy breath.

“But I’m so good at it.” He grins against your neck, back to giving sloppy kisses.

“Two can play that game,” you warn before grinding against his growing hard-on. He sharply inhales and is quick to put a stop to it, hands going to your hips, halting your actions. You groan in frustration, needing to get off.

“No.” His voice is shaky with barely contained control. He pulls back, giving you a steady look. “Tonight is all about you.”

You want to ask what the hell he means by that, but then he’s wrapping his arm around your waist and carrying you over to the bed, dropping to his knees on the floor so that you’re able to sit on the edge of the mattress. Your dress is bunched up to your mid-thigh, and Chanyeol takes advantage of that, pulling one of your legs up to rest your calf on his shoulder. He places a tender, lingering kiss right above your knee and gathers the end of your dress, rolling it up to bunch it in his hands at your waist. With every new inch of skin he exposes, he leaves another tender kiss upon your flesh. The sensation has your breath trembling.

Once his lips touch the joint of your hip and thigh, right beside the place you want him most, he yanks your dress back down, dragging your panties down with it.

You don’t even realize what he has done until you feel his breath at your now exposed cunt.

“Wait–”

He doesn’t give you enough time to process what is happening before he’s licking a swipe up your center. The feeling of his tongue causes you to gasp so loud, you wince at the sound of your own voice bouncing off the walls.

Chanyeol’s eyes roll to the back of his head as the taste of you coats his tongue. “My memory hasn’t done you justice. You taste so fucking good, Mel. I need more.”

He holds your hips down and dives in for more. You moan and fall back, hands gripping the bed sheets for dear life as Chanyeol proceeds to eat you out like a man starved.

He gives your clit a quick suck and you cry out, hips jerking as the bundle of nerves are activated.

“Oh.” He chuckles to himself. “How could I forget? That always gets you, huh, Baby?”

“Ch–Ch….” You can’t even speak.  You knot one of your hands into his hair. Despite the vice of your grip, you make sure to gently pull his head back to where he was, to finish what he fucking started. 

“Didn’t think you’d give in this quickly,” he murmurs, ignoring your increasingly aggressive pulls as he places a tender kiss onto your swollen clit. You gasp, tender as all hell. “I thought you moved on already? Why you begging me, Baby?”

“Don’t be an ass—" Your sentence turns into a gasped moan as he runs his tongue up your core, briefly slipping his tongue into your hole shutting you up quickly. You tilt your head back, so that you’re staring blankly at the headboard, being transported to a different dimension.

“Please,” is all you can say, desperate enough that you forget Chanyeol’s teasing words, begging as much as you need to get what you need.

“Of course, my love.” He’s so quick to please. “But, you have to watch me make you cum.”

It takes you a moment to gather yourself, but you’re able to pull yourself up by the elbows. As soon as you catch the vast darkness that has become of Chanyeol’s eyes, you feel a fresh batch of arousal pool at your entrance. Chanyeol instantly notices, what with his tongue inside you. He moans in delight, his unwavering gaze flaring with determination.

The vibration of his deep baritone is almost enough to unlock your orgasm. Your mouth falls open, struggling to take in oxygen. Your chest heaves, sweat coating your body in a sheer layer, all signs of an impending explosion.

Both your legs now rest on Chanyeol’s shoulders, and he takes advantage of it, running his hands up and down the face of your thighs as he gives your clit quick teasing sucks. Despite wanting to watch you watch him make you cum, he can’t help but break eye contact, closing his eyes in indulgence as he loses himself in you. 

It’s fucking hot, the pleasure getting you off gives him. He once told you how he could spend hours with his head between your legs, and you know from experience how true that statement is.

Finally, he latches onto your bud completely, and his eyes fly open. It’s his finishing act, and he doesn’t want to miss a moment of you coming undone above him. He sucks hard and relentlessly, humming loudly to get vibrations to tingle and activate your nerves.

You curse. Hands again curling around the poor sheets as your body stiffens, almost painfully, as your orgasm builds, builds, builds. Chanyeol watches, unblinking, determined to see you come undone, and that is enough encouragement to have you combust.

With a loud yell of his name, you come. Your hips roll uncontrollably, and Chanyeol matches them, lips never leaving your center. He rides your wave with you, refusing to let go until you’re at your limit.

Black dots start to obstruct your vision, and you think you might pass out if he doesn’t get off of you, so you tap his shoulder quickly. He understands immediately, and unlatches himself from you with a loud pop, allowing you a respite. He can’t resist giving in one more time, placing a brisk kiss to your entrance, which causes your hips to jerk from the overstimulation. Once he’s retracted himself fully, you go limp, heaving as you try to catch your breath. 

“Fuck,” is all you’re able to get out, wiping sweat off your forehead.

You check on Chanyeol and catch him watching you, biting his lip in an attempt to hide—and fail—his prideful grin. “Oh, fuck off.”

He laughs at that.

“Are you done already, Mel?” He asks, deep voice teasing.

Half of you wants to say yes, to wave your white flag in surrender. This is the hardest you’ve cum in years, since the last time Chanyeol was in your bed.

He may be teasing, but you know that if you tell him that you are, in fact, fucked out now, he wouldn’t protest. You can see it now: he’d clean you up and curl up behind you. You’d feel his raging boner, but he’d assure you not to worry about it, kissing your bare shoulder as he throws the thin sheet under the davul over you both, lulling you to sleep. 

But that’s not how you want the night to end.

You want Chanyeol over you—in you. You want to see his face when he climaxes, watch the way he loses himself from the feel of you, and by the hope in his eyes, you know what he wants you to choose.

“Take off your pants and fuck me,” you order, voice already scratchy from overuse.

His lips curl dangerously. “That’s my girl.”

You expect him to follow your demand and strip, but he surprises you by spreading your legs apart, exposing your drenched private to him.

“What are you doing?” You question suspiciously, not really up for another round of his mouth. You are far too sensitive to go through that again.

“I have a feeling you’re not used to me anymore,” he murmurs. That cocky grin back on his face.

You scoff.

All humor leaves his form as he gazes down at you, and it makes you swallow back the snarky remark on your tongue. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

That vulnerability you saw during the wedding is back, aging him backwards. You know that he’s talking about more than just your long-neglected cunt, and that makes your throat thicken and burn.

“Is that okay?” He asks. You can only nod in confirmation.

His smile turns shy, and he’s glancing down at your core, fingers tickling your entrance. That shyness disappears completely when he slides his index finger into you. 

You shift uncomfortably, always having to adjust to having something inside of you. 

He swallows thickly, watching the way his finger glistens against the light ahead everytime he pulls it out in awe. He adds his thick middle finger into the mix and you gnaw on your bottom lip, legs widening, allowing him more access. Your cursed hips meet his slow thrusts on their own accord.

“You like that?” He asks, voice a whisper. Eyes flicker briefly to yours, catching the seductive way your eyelids hood over, and he curses under his breath. Your expression is enough of an answer for him.

“Kiss me,” you breathlessly demand. Without hesitation, he’s leaning over your shivering body to slot his lips between yours, honoring your request. The new position shoves his fingers deeper, caressing your g-spot, making you moan and groan into his mouth. He swallows each noise greedily, curling his fingers to enhance your pleasure. Your kisses are sloppy, your lips sliding off of each other with how wet they are. You can taste yourself on his tongue and it only makes you more wet.

“Undress me,” he orders into your mouth. His dominance makes you unconsciously clench around his fingers. He smiles, taking great pride in turning you on. You go for his tie again, deciding to discard it first. Sliding it off of him, you toss it quickly out of sight, knowing him well enough to know he’d use it later, and you don’t want to lose any of your senses tonight.

You’re still heavily making out as your hands go to unbutton his dress shirt. Once it’s open, he pulls both away and out of you long enough to yank the opposing fabric off, as well as the undershirt he has on underneath. Completely shirtless, he grabs your hips and tosses you further onto the mattress. You yelp as you’re airborne, landing onto the pile of pillows in a huff. He crawls over to you. Boldly, you observe him. His body is just as sculpted as it always was. Golden collar bones protrude so delicately, you want to sink your teeth into them. Honestly, his whole torso is untouched with any blemishes, and your mouth waters with the urge to disrupt that, to paint his empty canvas with hues of blues and purples and pinks and reds and yellows.

“Eyes up here.” His voice is right above you, closer than you are expecting, and you pull away from his chest, up to those big and bright eyes of his that shine with a mixture of humor and lust. A very alluring combination.

He grins boyishly at you before sinking three fingers slowly into you, filling you up so good you mewl, latching onto his shoulders to keep yourself from falling into the pile of pillows behind you.

The only thing that can be heard is the sound of his fingers entering and re-entering your wet pussy. If it wasn’t so damn pleasurable, you probably would find it in yourself to be embarrassed.

“You’re sucking me in,” he says in awe.  

“Because I want you, Yeol,” you whimper.

“You want me?” He repeats, like he doesn’t believe it. You find his skepticism a bit exasperating, since he has his fingers knuckles deep in you and what not. Part of you knows that you deserve his reluctance. His feelings haven’t really been in question. It’s always been you drawing the boundaries.

Now is the time to break them completely.

“So much.” You reassure, despite barely being able to speak. To further prove yourself, you run a palm over the bulge currently tightening his pants and he hisses, a shudder violently ransacking his frame. Encouraged, you undo his belt, unzip his pants, and pull them down until his dick springs out.  You haven’t seen many penises in your life, but Chanyeol’s is the only one that you have ever deemed beautiful. Everything about it is perfect. Perfect length, perfect girth, perfect shade of pink. Even the way the veins rain down to the base is lovely. The head locks its eye with you and you lean forward, giving into the urge to run your tongue flat over it, licking the pearl of precum sitting precariously on the slit.

He hums in satisfaction, hips unconsciously bucking forward, asking for more. 

You glance up at him, questioning what he wants you to do, but he gives you a quick shake of his head. The hand that’s not knuckles deep in you cups your chin, and he leans down, placing a sweet kiss unto your needy lips.

“I want your pussy more than your mouth right now.”

“God,” is all you can say. He smirks as he pulls away, drawing his hand out of you. You’re quick to snatch his wrist. He gives you a questioning look and now you’re the one to smirk as you bring his soaked fingers to your just as wet mouth, running your tongue along his middle finger before slipping it into your mouth, sucking it clean. You refuse to look away, moaning around his appendage. His mouth falls open at the feeling of you sucking on him. His dick is so close it brushes your arm every time it twitches from you hollowing your cheeks. Once his middle finger is clean, you move onto the others, giving them the same treatment. Chanyeol’s free hand wraps around his member, slowly milking it as he watches you intently with clenched jaws.

Finally, you suck all three fingers clean of your essence and release his index finger with a loud pop.

“Such a nasty girl,” he says, both amazed and turned on.

“You haven’t even seen the half of it, Sweetie.”

“Show me,” he urges.

Eager to please, you flip yourself over onto your hands and knees, poking your ass out to him like a cat in heat. You flip your hair to one side, peeking over your shoulder to see Chanyeol finally strip himself of the rest of his clothing, zeroed in on your drenched pussy, open and ready for him.

He strokes himself as he climbs behind you, preparing to enter you. 

Right as the head of his cock presses against you, he stops and falls back on his knees.

You groan in protest.

“I don’t have a condom,” he reveals, voice dripping in regret.

That’s enough to have you pausing. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Why wouldn’t you?”

“I didn’t plan on having sex during this trip.”

“That’s a relief, I guess,” you grumble. An awkward silence fills the air, neither one of you really knowing what to do now. But then you remember.

“It’s okay,” you reassure, reaching back to run your fingers delicately over the ridges of his stomach. It hardens under your touch, and his dick bounces, brushing against your folds, and you have to bite your lip to hold in a moan. “It really is. I’m on birth control. We’ll be fine.”

He’s still unsure, gazing down at you apologetically, so you lean back a bit, rubbing against the tip of his member. That’s enough to spur him on and he’s back on his knees, lining himself up with you. You shudder in anticipation as the head of his cock rubs against your throbbing entrance. 

“Relax, Baby,” Chanyeol coos. He lays his hand on your back, coaxing you to do as he says. You haven’t even realized how stiff you’ve gotten until you feel his palm. Under his hand, you let go, sink deeper into the mattress, arch your back out. It’s only then that he slowly pushes himself in.

You both groan in unison at the sensation.

When he’s about half way in, he pauses, giving you time to adjust. It stings a bit, and you’re grateful he’s able to read you well enough to know you need a moment. He’s a patient fellow, leaning down to drape himself over you and shower distracting kisses up and down your spine. His hands rub comforting circles on the bones of your hips before languidly trailing up your sides to massage your dangling breasts. You lean into his touch with a satisfied moan. The action has you slipping a few more inches of him deeper into your hot core.

A growl rips from his chest, teeth scraping against your shoulder blade, hands curl into claws at your chest, squeezing your tits so hard you yelp in pain.

“Sorry!” He apologizes in a breathless rush. “Sorry. I just–uuuugh fuck. Just give me a second.”

He goes completely still on top of you, the only thing moving is his chest as he struggles to regain control. 

That’s the last thing you want him to do. 

You want him to lose himself entirely in you. Want him to give in completely to his desires.

“Babe,” you call. 

He doesn’t answer.

You try again. “Yeol, you don’t have to hold back. I want you. I’m ready. Please.”

Your voice is a broken plea by the end and it seems to do the trick. It’s a struggle, but Chanyeol is able to straighten, hands gripping your hips for balance. With a guttural grunt, he snaps forward, shoving the rest of his dick fully inside of you. His thrust jolts you forward, and you fall face first into the pillows. Yes, god, yes. This is what you’ve been missing, this is what you have been so desperate for.

He curses under his breath in what you can only describe as a whine. “Needed you for so long.”

His strokes are aggressive and relentless. He uses your hips to impale you onto his dick over and over again at a hard and steady pace. He hits that spot every time he bottoms out, the head of his cock brushing against you in a way that’s got your eyes rolling and thighs shaking.

Suddenly, he pulls out of you and his name leaves your swollen mouth in whiny protest. He ignores you, simply wrapping his hands around your ankles to yank your legs out from under you, making you rest onto your stomach.

“What are you doing?” You ask.

“What you asked,” he replies, giving your ass a quick smack before maneuvering himself around you. He shifts his legs, moving them so that they’re caging your own. The new position forces you to close your legs, pressing them firmly together. He falls forward, sinking all of his weight on top of you.

“Oh!” Now this is what you’re talking about.

“I thought so.” His voice is a growl in your ear. One of his arms goes around your neck like a necklace. Your head slots perfectly into the dip of his elbow, and you think it’s the perfect pillow. It’s a fleeting thought, what with him sliding his throbbing cock back into you, fucking you like he never stopped. The new angle is actually insane. With your legs closed, you feel even more full of him. Your eyes roll to the back of your head as he uses his knees to make the bed bounce, the momentum of the mattress doing most of the work for him. The headlock he has you in adds just enough pressure to get you light headed, cutting your airflow, and adding to your pleasure. Your vision doubles and you’re sure your eyes are crossing, but you don’t even care how crazy you look right now, all that matters is the feeling of Park Chanyeol all in and around you. He whispers the nastiest things into your ear, letting you know how good you feel, how much he likes it, what it’s doing to him. His voice is as much an aphrodisiac as everything else, and with him using it to talk filthy like that, you’re not sure how much longer you will last.

He shoves his dick fully in you and keeps it there, rotating his hips to grind deeply into you. He’s right on your g-spot, the pressure makes your eyes flutter, mouth fall open, so lost in the sauce your brain is short circuiting.  

“I missed being buried inside of you,” He huffs into your ear. “Missed hearing the little noises you make.” His nose goes into your hair. “You take my dick so well, Baby.”

You’re a moaning mess underneath him, taken over by lust, and he can tell. Giving another one of his now signature chuckles, he licks the shell of your ear and blows on it, his unwavering hips still rolling deep into you. 

“I. Want,” you huff between strokes. “To. See. You. Yeol.”

You blink and you’re on your back. Lost in a daze, still stumbling to catch your bearings when his lips are sliding over yours. You gather yourself enough to match him, needy and desperate for more. His tongue sweeps over your lips and you whimper.

Hands cup your face, and he’s breaking off the kiss. A thick string of saliva dangles between you both as he pulls back, breaking off to fall onto your chin. He appraises you, taking in every centimeter of your face with an expression that’s got you dizzy and shaking.

He runs a thumb over your cheek. “I love you like this,” he whispers. “Utterly fucked out. Drunk off my dick–off of me. You’re the most beautiful when you’re a mess like this.”

You get hit with a wave of fondness. Feeling sentimental, you run the tips of your fingers over his jaw, smiling weakly. “Fuck me, Chanyeol.”

The adoration in your tone and expression and touch has Chanyeol chuckling, but he doesn’t deny you. He pulls one of your legs up to his hip, giving him access to enter you again. You’re so slick with arousal that it’s effortless at this point. You don’t think you’ve ever been this wet before, it slides down your buttcrack, coats the inside of your thighs and the patch of hair on Yeol’s pubic bone. It’s all his fault. Park Chanyeol is a sex god, and it’s been so long you forgot, but he is going to remind you right now.

This position is more intimate than the others and immediately you notice the difference. Both his hands and eyes stay on your face, refusing to look anywhere else as he begins to thrust into you at a pace some would probably deem too slow, but is perfect for you. It makes it so that you can feel him, and he can feel all of you in turn. You’re both breathing into each other’s mouths, but don’t kiss. You don’t speak either, the only sounds are heavy breathing and the slick sound of connected sex. Your stomach knots, and at first you assume it’s your next orgasm, but realize in terror that it’s something else entirely. No, it’s the awakening of an old feeling you haven’t felt in years. It builds quickly, overwhelming you with its urgency, smarting your eyes.

Chanyeol groans, finally breaking off the eye contact as his head falls into the crook of your neck. Again, he puts his full weight on you, and you wrap your arms and legs around him, dig your feet into his lower back, encouraging him to go deeper, to go faster. He obliges, and a moan falls from your mouth with every snap of his hips.

The new position brings his body to your attention, and that gorgeous neck of his that you’ve been eyeing since you first saw him is now the pick of the litter. You’re quick to latch onto his shoulder like a leech, sucking up the bone of his clavicles and base of his neck, anywhere your lips can reach. The sensation adds a bit more gas into the fire, making Chanyeol’s movements rougher.

“Mmm, don’t stop doing that,” he purrs. “I want everyone to know what we did tonight.” 

His words only make you suck harder and he swears under his breath, picking up speed.

The new speed is getting the job done.  You growl as you start to feel your actual orgasm bloom to life.

“I’m gonna cum,” you inform him in a breath, hands roaming his body, wandering down to squeeze his plump ass.

Hearing that only urges him to continue what he’s doing. God, he’s such a good listener. 

“That’s right, cum on my dick.” he encourages. “I need you to, Baby.”

He shudders, and you know he’s close as well. He dips his head to rest his forehead against yours, searching deep into your eyes.

“Come with me.”

You latch onto his shoulders, holding on for dear life as he rocks into you. You swear everytime he hits your spot he pierces your heart as well. Over and over, stroking at those dusty heartstrings of yours.

Orgasms are a lot like sneezes. Your chest heaves, mouth falling open to swallow as much oxygen as you can as you brace yourself for your release. Your fingers turn to claws against Chanyeol’s skin and he cries out. For a moment you think he beat you to the chase, but his thrusts are unrelenting. He refuses to break eye contact, taking you in with wonder, not wanting to miss a thing.

That sweet lost look on his face is what does it for you.

You cum hard. Your mind shuts off, overwhelmed with how good you feel as your orgasm hits you, running throughout your body in blissful waves.

“I love you!”

The phrase is thrown out into the room, startling you. It takes you a moment to realize it’s your voice confessing into the night. Tears pool and tumble down the corner of your eyes, pouring down your temples in hot trails. “God, Chanyeol, I love you!”

His thrusts grow sloppy, and then he’s spilling into you. Filling you up with hot bursts of his seed that nearly send you into another orgasm.

Then, he falls on top of you, exhausted, and it’s quiet as you both try to catch your breath. He kisses your tears away and you sniff, closing your eyes at the sweet gesture. Your orgasm takes all your energy with it, and your eyes grow increasingly heavy. It’s an effort to fight your lids. You can’t even move your body, it’s sunken into the sweaty sheets, becoming part of the mattress. 

Chanyeol pulls out of you and you let out a discontent whine, feeling his absence and not liking it. 

“I know, baby,” you think you hear him say, but it’s hard to concentrate on anything right now that’s not trying to stay awake. He gets off the bed. You attempt to speak, but can’t find the energy to move your lips, so your words come out in a discombobulated mumble. He replies, you hear him, but god bless you both, can’t understand a word of it.

The bed dips under Chanyeol’s returned weight and then your legs are being pulled apart and something warm and damp swipes between them. Chanyeol says something that you, again, miss, losing your battle against sleep.

Your eyes are closed by now so you just relax into the pillows and give into slumber….

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taglist @byunparklimchoi, @defloey @notyuji (if you don't want to be tagged lmk 😅)

[eluari]

BORN TO THE SEA - A long overdue update

Genre //Adult Fantasy // Status // Finished 💕 Themes // a fall from grace | vengeance | justice | action & consequences | magic | loyality | survival | love | war | fate | rebellion | sacrifice | queer

Hi there, apologies because you may not remember me, or how you´ve ended up on this taglist. But I still remember you. 2019 you were by my side when I wrote the very first draft of my fantasy novel "Born to the Sea". Until 2021, when I finished my final draft tumblr felt very much like home to me. I shared my thoughts on writing, met new friends, and I’m forever grateful for all the encouragement, interest and love towards what has become an experience of a lifetime ...

I'm truly sorry for not keeping you updated. It's been over a year since I found a literary agent. Back then I wrote “Born to the Sea might actually be published – but only time will tell.”

What happened in the summer of 2022 surpassed my wildest fantasies: One of the major German publishers picked up the manuscript and I met the editor of my dreams: A person who understands the story and its characters on its deepest level ... and here I am, knowing that Born to the Sea will get published; knowing that I'll see my own book hit the stores next year and I still shake my head in disbelief … because all of this started here. With a rough Idea.

And it started with everyone who supported me. It started with you. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Lots of love Elya💕

PS: Born to the Sea will be published under a different name, but I fear I can't reveal it just yet. PPS: If you have any questions, by all means, feel free to ask. If you want to keep following my journey to the release, I’m on Instagram these days, being a little more official. You’ll find me *here*. There is bonus art, too - I’m still painting. It would be lovely to see some familiar faces there.

Taglist: (love you, forever.)

@ardawyn @cirianne @elfrooted @somedeadmagic @relevy @alternativeforensicscientist @doro-writes @pen-in-hand @wanderers-minuet @skyfireflight @darth-salem-emperor-of-earth @monaramis @rookie009 @re-writing-h @lady-redshield-writes @zachatari @owl-writes @noxstories @quilloftheclouds @illyriandreamer @writemares @lordkingsmith @kosmosian-quills @reeseweston @ladywithalamp @the-violent-writer @phoenyxrisenfromashes @fantasy-shadows @v-writes-stories @ntbogoni @notiziarios @cawolters @adie-dee @wildswrites @siarven @semblanche @unfortunatelyunfocused @furysreign @a-tear-in-the-veil @acaranna @themidnxghtwriter @songsofaleria @wqtermelon-gloss @august-the-third @waterfallwritings @drunkinbook @doriians @homesteadchronicles @inky-duchess @silas-the-reading-addict @vesrayn @vorskra @miladaydreams @halfbloodlycan @smilelovefat-e @slothssassin @writer-somewhat @twoseeds

Also tagging @gingerly-writing because you might remember me. 💕

[bruh-myguy-what]

If Not Him, Perhaps Me

Hellooooooo frens! It has been a long, overdue update, but here we are! I've had so much going on but you guys consistently reminding me of how much you love the story has really helped me refresh my desire to continue the series! So I am so thankful! I really hope you all enjoy chapter 3! Also I apologize that it isn’t the best chapter I’ve written, but I promise to continue to make each chapter better for you guys :3

If you want to join the tag list, just let me know below in the comments!

Enjoy~

_____________________________________________

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Pairing- Thrawn x f!reader x Luke Skywalker

Summary- Luke finds out about you being taken by the Empire, and you have another encounter with the Grand Admiral.

Word Count- 2K+

Warnings- Mentions of kidnapping and imprisonment

__________________________________________

"What do you mean they took her?!" Luke's fearful tone echoed off the walls of the commissary area of the Flacon where Lando assisted Chewie in cleaning up the mess made by the intruders.

Han raised his voice over his brother's, "hey now! Don't speak to her that way, it wasn't her fault and you know it!" The older man appeared by his wife's side, arms encircling her protectively. "Besides, what did you expect her to do? She's pregnant!" Han quipped harshly, the blue of his eyes darkening as he narrowed them.

The young Jedi was silent for a long moment, eyes darting from his sister's face to her irate husband. "Well-I…" finally huffing indignantly, Luke growled to himself as his hands found his hips. "No…no, I know it isn't your fault, Leia." There was a loud roar from the other side of the ship where Chewbacca shouted his own defense. "No, it's not your fault either Chewie. I'm just…" The younger man moved one of his hands from his hip to rub the irritation away from his eyes, "this is my fault." Luke choked, placing his hand back on his hip. "I…I should've been here to protect her instead of leaving. They're only after her because of me."

Leia started forward and touched her brother's arm, "no, Luke, don't blame yourself," she insisted, "you can't blame yourself. How could you possibly know she would be in danger?"

"Leia's right, Luke," Lando piped up as he waltzed up to join the group, "none of us could've ever guessed that the Empire would've come to get her specifically. Though," he sent a glance toward the young mother, "I think we can all agree that it was better that they didn't take Leia. Who knows what they could've done to her and the kiddos." The grave tone in his voice matched Han's expression, Luke noticed, as he watched the slight movement in his wife's stomach.

A moment of silence passed between them all before Chewbacca growled softly. "Yeah, Chewie's got a point too. Blaming isn't going to get (y/n) back any sooner." Han huffed as he crossed his arms over his chest, leveling his stern gaze at Luke. "So, Jedi knight, how're you going to get your girl back?"

Ignoring the term he used to refer to you, Luke closed his eyes in thought. Maybe he could reach you through the force…? Maybe you weren't that far away yet and he could somehow reach out to you so he could tell you that he was going to save you. Surely you knew he'd come for you, right? Or had he really placed such a serious wedge between the two of you that you'd even begin to believe that he'd leave you in the hands of the Imperials? What with all of his stupid beliefs of 'Jedi having no attachments' and everything. He accepted that idea, he really did, but…the more he weighed it and considered the look on your face when you smiled at him, how could he ignore the feeling so deeply set in his heart. The way your eyes sparkled at him in the starlight…it just…

Resolutely, Luke opened his eyes and headed to the front of the Falcon.

"I'm going to find her."

_____________________________________________

The dim lights of the Grand Admiral's office were an inviting change to the glaring white lights that consistently welcomed you wherever you were led- though, the silence that plagued the room was hardly comforting.

"So," you spoke up as you crossed one leg over the other casually, the linen dress you still wore draping easily back down your legs, "are we meeting because you expect me to give you more information?" As flattering as it was to be so 'important' to someone so high in rank, the narrowed glare given to you from the other side of the desk was equally as irritating.

A soft smile appeared on the admiral's face, he thought your bitterness was humorous, did he? "Perhaps," he replied curtly, glancing away momentarily to grab his datapad, then returned his glowing eyes back to you. "Though I do marvel at your tenacity just as considerably as any useful piece of knowledge you could offer me." He sure knew how to use his genius to annoy people, huh? Before you knew it, the man behind the desk was now standing and making his way around to you. "I must also admit that I find your eagerness to face a Grand Admiral of the Imperial Navy with such fearlessness very…" he seemed to ponder to word for a second before continuing, "compelling."

Thrawn's full height was accentuated by the way he stood over you in what felt like the galaxy's shortest chair (now with him towering over you). "Well…" you choked out nervously, "I suppose since there is no empire, that means no imperial navy to be a Grand Admiral of, therefore the title has no real significance to me." He could be as intimidating as he'd like but you weren't going to back down now. You'd been here for what felt like a week and, with no real evidence of how long you'd actually been aboard the Chimera, you assumed it must've been as long as it felt- or close enough to it. You’d been sat in this specific seat multiple times during different segments of the day, the fear was starting to lose its luster. Looking up at him once again you were struck by his expression.

He was stoic. He was just gazing down at you.

"Indeed, I suppose you are correct," Thrawn covered his mouth with one of his hands- deep in thought as he removed himself from beside your seat, finding his new position beside one of the large structures holding the ysalamiri- or at least that's what he'd told you they were at another point in a different conversation. "I seem to be continually amazed by your astute wit, (y/n)." He was petting the ysalamiri before him, his broad back facing you so he was unable to see your confounded expression. Was he getting enjoyment from your responses? "I also find it amusing how you consider that I see you as a source of amusement when in fact," Thrawn twisted around to face you, his hands positioned firmly behind his back now, "you are a prisoner of mine, and whatever I desire to know you will tell me."

The red of his eyes darkened significantly enough to drive a cold chill to straight down your spine. Perhaps the Empire was no longer a danger, but this man, this alien, he sure was. Taking a beat to regain your composure, you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. "A-Alright," of course, your voice would fail you now, "I understand that you are my enemy and the things I know might be crucial to you, but-"

"Tell me, (y/n)," Thrawn interrupted as if you weren't even speaking, "why are you traveling with Skywalker and his crew if you are as useless as you say?" Thrawn truly seemed curious about the answer as he made his way back in front of his desk, towering before you, awaiting your response. "What was your profession before you were a 'freedom fighter'?"

Cocking your eyebrow in challenge, you wondered where your sudden boldness came from after he was so forward about where you stood in his eyes. "Why ask if you already know?" You hated talking about the life you had before you joined the rebels. The Empire wasn't all bad, the idea anyway. You actually preferred the organized structure of the government over the scattered nightmare of the rebel cause, or even the Republic you'd learned about prior to the Empire. The current ‘New Republic’ wasn’t doing much better either. But, after meeting Luke- after he saved you- it was more of a loyalty to him than to the cause. Upon seeing that Thrawn was still silently waiting for your reply, you huffed. "Fine. I was an artist. A painter. I sketched or painted nobles, moffs," your voice trailed off and the admiral hummed in understanding.

"Admirals as well, I assume," it was less of a question and more of a statement. Of course, he knew and, rolling your eyes, you nodded.

"Yes, admirals as well. Though I suppose I wasn't in the Empire whenever you rose to command because I've never met you before now." You knew you hadn't, his warm red eyes would have been burned into your memory.

Thrawn nodded in agreement, "indeed, I myself would have remembered you." He rounded the desk to return to his seat. "Though I have seen your art before," the man commented as a hologram of a painting you'd made years prior to your disappearance materialized between you. "It is quite astounding. I enjoy art, myself. I believe it can give insight into a person, or people." He clarified coolly and you noted how intently he was studying your art. The scrutiny of one of your pieces made your cheeks warm in embarrassment, you'd not had anyone ever really stare at it the way Thrawn seemed to.

Curiosity struck you, "w-what do you see in my art?"

Thrawn seemed unfazed by your question, but took his time before replying to it all the same, "you despised your subject." The honesty struck you to the core. How could he even know that? He was completely correct, but…how? The dumbfounded look on your face caused Thrawn to continue, "but, while you hated the subject you were instructed to paint, you treasured the creation itself. Which I admire. Your talent is," the pause in his voice again made your cheeks burn as you awaited more of his surprising critique, "unmatched."

Too stunned to immediately thank him for his honesty, you blinked dumbly. Eventually, you nodded at his comments, "well…thank you," you whispered softly, hands suddenly more interesting than anything else.

"Have you made very many paintings since your disappearance from the Empire?" His question startled you slightly. Why was he so curious about your art? What was he trying to gain? Thrawn hadn't asked about it any of the other times you'd spoken recently. So why now?

Shaking your head in response, you figured it was useless to lie to him anyway. "No, unfortunately, I haven't had the time…or the funds to be able to continue." You sounded more distressed than you would've thought if asked about it. Though now that you thought about it, the topic never really came up between anyone on the Falcon.

The hologram disappeared, leaving Thrawn gazing directly at you now, scrutinizing you as if you were now the artwork. "No, I would presume not," was all that was said, simply.

Again, the silence retrieved its choking grasp on the atmosphere and you glanced up at the exact moment the Grand Admiral waved his hand in his normal dismissal, "you are free to go for the evening." His tone was casual yet as stern and stoic as usual, but not having the white-clad troopers come in to grab you and lead you out was…new. So, awkwardly, you stood from your seat and waited a moment, quizzically looking at Thrawn. After a few seconds of no argument from the admiral, you slowly made your way to the door, jumping only a little as it whooshed open revealing Rhuk.

"Come now, Rhuk," you heard Thrawn chide stoically from his desk, "do not scare my informant. She is," he caught your eye with a small smile, "essential." The look in his eye seemed mischievous but you weren't certain if that was something you should be worried about.

As you returned to your cell, you settled down for the night on the solid structure they called a bed on this ship. "Alright, before you get all cozy," you heard a familiar trooper voice and sighed when you had to sit back up. You weren't as annoyed with the troopers anymore, they'd actually kept decent company and most of them were kind enough.

Once fully sat up, a trooper reached through the bars and held out a larger notebook full of paper. Curiously, you reached out and took it, along with the set of pencils given to you. "W-What is this?"

The trooper shrugged, the plastoid tapping against itself with the movement. "Beats me," he replied, "the admiral asked one of us to bring it to you. He said you deserved to continue what you love, even as a prisoner." Then the trooper was gone.

Gaping at the notebook in awe, you were awestruck, silent. Thrawn gave you this notebook? Out of…generosity? 'There's no way,' you thought to yourself as you set back against the wall connected to your cot, opening the notebook. Upon the first page was a beautifully written script, reading; 'I thoroughly acknowledge that you will see this as a means to acquire additional information from you, however; I would find it regrettable if you were incapable to resume such excellent work due to confinement. I, myself, am not an artist, though I can speculate how it must feel to be suffocated by the inability to do what one loves. So please, sketch. Thrawn.'

Tags:

@blueberry-thrawn @myevilmouse @agenteliix @blackmonitor @coffeeorsomething-irl @torchbearerkyle @rebelmarylou @danger-xylophones

[alders-simblr]

Introductions

Hello! Look, a long overdue introduction post finally! I'm Alder and this is my Simblr. I created this originally to document the save file that I'm building for my own use but after a few RL friends asked me to make it available, I figured I might as well toss the build lists up here.

You'll also see me documenting my foray's into CC creation, efforts to make all my mods work nicely together, and the documentation of the history and playthroughs of the save I'm making available as it comes together.

I also keep updated masterlists of the CC I use that are probably the most reblogged thing on this tumblr by far because I keep links in them to where to download and regularly edit them to keep them up to date. My lists are under the hashtag #alder's lists but I've also linked them below to make it easy to find as they were the first things I put on this blog.

Master Lists

Overrides and Mods

ReShade and Lighting

Sliders, Genetics, Overlays

Presets

Create a Sim

Build/Buy

Pose Packs and Photography

Alder's Save

The other project that people are usually interested in are my builds and the save file they're for. There's a master list post that includes links to each post about each build here:

Save File Masterlist

It has some of the details about the thoughts behind my save file organization and the key mods that the save is designed around as well as links to each individual build with more details.

The Alder's Save hashtag will take you to everything having to do with the save file and build diary is the tag for me rambling about various progress posts and thoughts about the sim builds I'm working on.

Patreon

I use my patreon to share tray files for my builds which are always free as well as smaller mod changes and the random little CC fixes I make along the way, also always free.

Early Access will only be ever used for actual significant CC or things like photoshop templates I make to use for the save file story documentation and even those will stick to the two to three week guideline of EA's access if and when I ever get to that point.

Welcome to my blog!

[gorgon-a]

🌿 THE SORCERER’S APPRENTICE 🌿 A Writeblr & WIP Re-Introduction

Hello, citizens of Tumblr! This is DOMINIQUE (DIDO), the writer behind THE SORCERER’S APPRENTICE. Welcome to my new and improved Writeblr & WIP Intro. Below the cut, you’ll find my latest author blurb, an updated blog description, and all you need to know about my current projects. Go take a peek!

ABOUT ME

I’m a thirty-one-year-old (ENFJ) British/Colombian Philosopher (BA/MA) with a passion for spinning tales! When I’m not working on my novel (details below) you can find me at the movies (A24 films are killing it lately), wandering around a museum, or hanging out at the MET Cloisters (my favourite place on earth).

ABOUT THE BLOG

I’m taking a long overdue gap year to recover from burnout and figure out whether I want to pursue a PhD, so a lot of what you’ll find on this blog are pleasure projects I finally have the time to work on (ahh, I’m so excited!!!). I won’t be posting direct quotations or chapters because my goal is to try for traditional publishing, but I will share just about everything else, from character profiles, location descriptions, step-by-step scene breakdowns, plot skeletons, mood boards, and more! Because I’m a scholar, you can also expect to see the occasional literary analysis or technical tidbit.

CURRENT PROJECT: 🌿  G O R G O N A 🌿  

The reign of the tyrannical Sorcerer King is nearing its end. Age has finally caught up with King Valeriano, and his mind is deteriorating. Desperate to preserve his legacy, he summons his estranged granddaughter, Guacamaya (”Maya”), from exile and appoints her as his successor. The decision surprises everyone, especially Maya, who was banished from the palace with her family as a child and hasn’t seen or heard from her grandfather since. Despite their troubled past, Maya agrees to be his heir, if only to prevent a usurper from assassinating her family. However, succession proves far more challenging than she had anticipated. To maintain her grip on power, she must navigate a treacherous court and survive the mad king’s increasingly erratic and dangerous outbursts.

Genre: Dark Fantasy Setting: Equatorial AU Audience Rating: R for Mature Readers. Status: Worldbuilding. Tag: #WIP: Gorgona Masterpost >>> here

WHAT I’M LOOKING FOR:

Other Writeblrs to follow! Writing is lonely; let’s be alone together! I’m always down for tag/ask games and I’m happy to beta-read any day. Just send me a message. I follow, reblog and send asks from my main account @freedominique  

TAG LIST: (ask to be + or - ) @the-finch-address @violetboy @fearofahumanplanet @winterninja-fr  @avrablake

[zersium]

Cloak & Dagger Update — Status and Future Plans

So, it’s been a while, huh? Read below regarding Cloak & Dagger’s current status, plus a more detailed breakdown of changes made to the first instalment, from a certain point of view!

Hello and welcome! Today marks Cloak & Dagger’s fourth anniversary (isn’t that just nuts?) so today I’d like to talk a bit more about my plans for the series, and to expand upon my answers to recent asks on the subject.

from a certain point of view, 2.0

Before you read any further, you can find the updated from a certain point of view here on AO3. The rest of this post contains spoilers, so if you haven’t read it be sure to do so! 

Below are my comments on a few of the changes I’ve made (which might clue you in on possible future events):

Conclusion of Anakin vs Obi-Wan ➤ Obi-Wan leaving Anakin whole was always something that I’ve stayed true to—suitless Vader is simply too good to resist—but this ambiguous approach to the conclusion of their fight is unique to the revision of the fic. At the culminating moment of their fight, Obi-Wan doesn’t reach far enough to maim Anakin, and thus Anakin doesn’t fall by the bank. This is something I believe could have happened in canon had Anakin been more in control of himself, as his fate here hangs on his ability to make the right call of judgement. In canon, he is unable to do so when consumed by the Dark, but C&D Anakin can sense the danger of his darker emotions, to a point where he knows to twist out of the way when he leaps. 

Obi-Wan’s Dark Side ➤ The ambiguity of my previous point lies with the hint of Obi-Wan’s own weakness, and the recollection of TPM. This aspect of his character is not something I initially thought to explore, but seeds of the Dark appearing in Obi-Wan’s most desperate moment is definitely plausible. Here is a man who has lost everything, who has been given an impossible task—and though he is a perfect Jedi, what is a perfect Jedi when there are close to no Jedi left? This is a recurring theme post Order 66—a Jedi’s place in the world without the Order—and that all begins here, in Obi-Wan’s darkest hour.

Caleb and Grogu ➤ Four years ago, Mandalorian did not exist. Yet, with the ever-evolving SW canon, and with my own returning interest linked in part to the show, Grogu’s existence was a point of particular interest in the context of the alternate Temple attack. Plus, I think Kanan is rad, and since the Ghost crew appears later on in “revelation”, well. (Another surprise sometime down the line? Perhaps!)

Padmé’s Funeral ➤ Anakin feels?? Hello??? In all seriousness, this scene is something I wanted to include as a way to expand upon Anakin’s emotional state, and the effects that the duress of the mission have had on him so far. C&D Anakin is a lot more in control of his feelings than in canon (and for this there’s a reason!), so he doesn’t succumb to acting on anger as a first resort. BUT, this transition to a hollow state is a lot scarier for him, as it forces him to further come to terms with the weight of his responsibilities in this assignment. Sorry, not sorry. Anakin suffering is in and of itself a recurring theme ;)

Closing Scene ➤ For readers familiar with the original conclusion to this fic, the ending on Anakin finding Ahsoka’s shouta is new! As you can probably gather, it’s for the same reason as above—TCW season 7 was simply not a thing in 2017, and since its release I could not stop thinking about the absolute desolation this scene portrayed. It’s a perfect cinematic conclusion to the era, and a perfect transition for this verse’s Anakin.

These are all the major changes I made that I’d like to touch upon! There’s a few more tweaks here and there, of course, but these 5 in particular I feel warrant a full explanation for those that would like to read it. 

The Future of Cloak & Dagger

Regarding the future of this series, for the moment I’m working on a revamp of the other published works ahead of starting any new ones. The truth of the matter is that most of these fics are pretty dated, and my writing has changed a lot over time. As such, there’s areas of the series that I’d like to restructure and new details I’d like to add for the sake of cohesion and an improved narrative. Evidently, this’ll take time, but I’d like to extend a shoutout to those who’ve stuck by me throughout and continue to do so—your support over the years means more to me than I can adequately express. 

If you’ve made it to the bottom of this post, thank you so much for reading through my ramblings! I have a lot of thoughts about these changes, and I sincerely hope you enjoyed the updated from a certain point of view. If you’ve got any more questions, or would like to share your thoughts, feel free to shoot me an ask!

[chastiefoul]

dreamy | genshin impact (1/2)

ft. arataki itto, thoma, kujou sara

tags : unrequited love, angst, little comfort

honestly just wanna write something not fluffy

divided into two parts, i'll update the post with link to the 2nd part as soon as it's posted.

part 1 - part 2

---------------------------------------------

Arataki Itto is so dreamy.

Strong, gentle, and unbelievably kind. While he may be lacking in the intelligent department, you thought that his personality truly made up for it. He always did things he didn’t have to just to help with utmost consideration, always making you laugh, and always making sure you’re not working yourself too hard or get yourself hurt. Sometimes all you can think about is how the heck the whole nation’s eligible man and woman hadn’t had a crush on this guy yet.

Although, similar like the happy stuff you dreamt, he also felt far away. Like the light that was on the end at a tunnel but the more you chased it, the further it hastes. Like a rainbow where no one knows where it ends. This secret of this feelings of yours, you will keep it hidden for as long as needed. It’d decided long before that,

Arataki Itto is unattainable.

Why are you so certain? Well why shouldn’t you, when he told you days and nights, how dreamy Kujou Sara is.

--

"And then she just looked back as if she didn't just killed an enemy from 300 yards away with that beautiful bow of hers!" Itto claimed excitedly, while walking side by side with you.

That tugged a little of your heartstring. Although it wasn’t the first time, and probably won’t the last either. The main problem is not even that he talks about her, it's how he does it all the time when he's with you.

What? Are you that dull that he thought the only conversation that would last between the two of you is the one where he sounds completely over heels over the General of the Tenryou Commission?

If so, with how much he talks about her and how little you responded, it sure sounds like he'd be entirely fine just by himself.

But alas, you also couldn’t lie to yourself that if someone asks what has been the best part of your day, you'd answer it's when the big dumb man named Itto comes to visit. The little minutes where he didn’t talk about you know who, and instead told you about his day, cracking up jokes, telling you all about the beetle fight he had attended that day.

That, that was when you couldn’t take your eyes off of him, because in that in between seconds you didn’t have to be reminded and he’s the Itto that’s out of your reach, the Itto you have feelings for but couldn’t say, the Itto that completely doesn’t see you in that way.

You offered a small smile as response, swallowing the bitter taste that lingered in your mouth. “Yeah, she is amazing, isn’t she?”

“She sure is! Oh, this is you, I’ve been talking so much I didn’t even pay attention and that we’ve arrived at your house!” He grinned, scratching the back of his head. Well quite the opposite, you’ve been counting the steps until you finally arrive.

“Well thank you again for accompanying me home Itto, you really don’t have to,” you said. “ Not this again, every evening and what not I drag you along with me doing whatever I wanted, the least I could do is send you back home safely.” He pat your head, his overbearing smile somehow painful on your part.

“Yeah well, I had fun too so don’t worry so much!” You smiled, that one was genuine. You couldn’t be more honest when you say you always looked forward his visits on the evening. Often, he’d take you on his strongest beetle-searching, adventuring along the scary yet fascinating hills and cliffs of Inazuma.

And you’ve loved every minute of it.

Needless to say that the thunder nation is breathtaking, even though you’ve lived here your entire life, you’re only realizing that and you only got to know that only thanks to the man in front of you.

It may seem that a gratitude is overdue, the same way how ending all of this is overdue.

However fun you’ve had, you just don’t think it’s worth it anymore to stay until the curtain rises, revealing a man who’s hopelessly in love with Kujou Sara. Especially how your feelings are getting stronger each day you spent time with him, only to have your heart shattered little-by-little.

You always said you’d end it, and today now you’ve reached your 10th reminder.

“Well then, I’m off!” The blaring voice snapped you out of the trance. He’d already so far away by the time you realized, your eleventh reminder will come tomorrow.

--

“Hey, thought you’d be here.” A gentle voice called out. You had been leaning on the big tree that grew behind your house. Sitting there was the perfect angle to see the moon just above the water. It’s a good thing you lived by the big lake. It was always your favorite place; to hide, or cry. Whatever it was that overwhelmed you.

“Thoma?! It’s midnight how are you here?” You claimed, surprised written all over you. Thoma was your friend first before he was the housekeeper of the Kamisato Clan. Few years ago at the time he had no mora and hadn’t known what he’d do at Inazuma, you knew you couldn’t just leave him alone the moment you heard, thus you sometimes you had him help around the house for the spare Mora you had, which wasn’t much, still, Thoma appreciated it regardless.

But Thoma never felt like a helper, he was always a friend. And on his spare time doing god knows that—but it must be something right that he gained the trust of the Kamisato Clan and now have a home of his own and work he has pride in. You were beyond happy when he told you and he promised to keep in contact. Which he did, until this very day.

Every week on days you could never guess he always visit you.

And today just one of those time.

“Well I planned on visiting on earlier hours but the business I had to attend went longer than I expected, and I thought about going back immediately since you probably already asleep, but with the stories you’ve been telling me about this Itto guy, I doubt that you sleep early these days,” Thoma sat beside you, leaning back as well.

“I hate it when you’re right,” you said, hugging your knees, eyes resting on the tranquil moon. “Did something happen today?” he asked, feeling that you’re especially weary today.

“Nothing new really, I still like him, he still likes Kujou Sara, just the usual good stuff,” you emphasized the sarcasm.

Thoma couldn’t stand seeing you like this, the way your shoulder always slumped now, and your emotion was dependent on a single person. He sighed out of concern, “I keep telling you-“ he started but you quickly cut him off. “-I should move on.”

Saying it aloud didn’t make you feel better, it just made it felt more real.

You continued, “I know, but it’s just-” You took a deep breath, it was a little shaky. “It’s hard.” Thoma finished it off. He offered a quiet comfort, putting a hand on your back. “I feel like you had to be there but Itto always talks about her with this expression I can’t put my hand on. It was so, sofull of love and adoration I-I couldn’t help but yearn for that,” you meekly explained, voice barely audible at the end of the sentence.

“I guess it just hurts so much to keep being reminded that I will never mean that much to him,” you chuckled quietly out of pity for yourself, tears flowing freely.

Thoma was quiet, not because he didn’t know what to say because he always knew. It’s because this time he’s certain that no word on the dictionary would be any help to mend whatever’s hurting you right now.

The nightfall continued along with your quiet sobs and sniffle, Thoma was by your side the entire time.

[ohnobjyx]

To the snowy summit side by side

红尘中毁誉得失如何去量?

Part 7: And now... what?

This is a post long overdue. I must admit, this is the most difficult one, so I was putting it off, reading again and again what I had already written and browsing through the internet to try and get the most complete picture.

Disclaimer: in this case, almost all of the post is my personal opinion (I tried to keep the previous post objective). I’m biased because of the XZ friendly content I’m usually exposed to and by my own views of their situation. Open to discussion, but please make sure you’ve enough information to do so.

Let’s go back to anon’s original ask:

Hello could you give us an update on xz's situation? I know we*bo and his studio has taken some steps recently but how has this affected public opinion on xz? Has it improved/ are more people favoring him or has it gotten worse?

I think I have been answering your first question in the past posts. However, about the next two:

When I was compiling information and writing the previous posts, a song kept coming back again and again to my head, specifically, this part of the lyrics:

红尘中毁誉得失如何去量?

In the mortal world, how can praise or condemnation, success and failure be measured?

(Yes, it’s from WuJi-无羁)

Innocence

What happened to XZ was a combination of incredibly bad luck, strenuous social circumstances (the pandemic), high stress in the public and a set of underlying issues that had been festering for a long time.

From being a celebrity on the way up, he suddenly became a scapegoat for a conflict he hadn’t caused and the receiver of a lot of senseless hate. He didn’t do anything from start to finish in the 2/27, but ended up the most affected from it, as the consequences reverberated all the way from March to July.

Because XZ didn’t ask the author to write such a fanfic. He didn’t request for it to be taken down. He didn’t ask his fans to report anything. And he didn’t have anything to do with ao3 being banned in the country as a response. From start to finish, he didn’t participate in any of it.

Many of the analysis I’ve watched/read determine that the cause of the problem  were his fans. One of the bloggers even said that “his fans are the ones that have hindered his career the most”.

But, from my point of view, the saying of “two people can’t have an argument if one of them doesn’t want to” also applies here. From start to finish, the issue was filled with overreactions and exaggerated responses from both XZ’s fans and the rest of the people that engaged in this ridiculous fan war with them.

However, let’s keep in mind that “XZ’s fans” is also a huge generalization. Most of the people don’t have the necessary time, resources and mental energy to engage in ridiculous crusades in the name of their favoured celebrity.

Part of the reasoning of the anti-XZ faction is that he should have taken measures and steps to make sure that his fans didn’t cross the line. However, even if the people leading all of this are only a small % of his fans, they are still a lot of people. Being the receiver of their fans’ love and admiration doesn’t make him and his team able to discern who is a reasonable, sensible fan, and who is a crazed troublemaker. And being famous and admired shouldn’t make him the responsible of all of his fans actions (in my opinion). I think this is also how Western society would view the situation.

I was surprised to discover that c-society did expect him to “guide” his fans, because he has a huge influence on them and he’s supposed to guide them towards more civilized behaviour. It’s not of course what everyone thinks, but the stance his studio has taken also points in recognizing that they should have done that (there are more reasons to their stance, of course, explained in the part 5+6).

However, people did realize (I think) that most of the people that follows him gives him support silently. There are of course ardent and fervent people who jump to defend him, but even that kind of behaviour is discouraged by XZ’s studio (applying that ignoring the antis is the greatest way to defeat them).

So here it came the lyrics from WuJi. It’s true that a fraction of his fans have caused him a lot of trouble. But this kind of fans (there is a fine line between very invested and obsessed) are also the ones who push forward a lot of events, who create things like “XZ’s fans Association” and who promote his works the most. His studio did call them out in the end, and said that everyone should relax in their support, but it’s also true that this fans also had a great hand in pushing him to the top of the charts. There’s a very fine line between gain and loss here, so how can one measure the value?

(But the antis who disguise as his fans and create trouble just for the sake of ruining his reputation are a whole other issue. No excuses for them).

Finally, the answers

To answer (I know we*bo and his studio has taken some steps recently but how has this affected public opinion on xz? Has it improved/ are more people favoring him or has it gotten worse?) more exactly:

When we are talking about public opinion, it can actually be divided into 3 factions: his fans, the antis, and the actual general public who is neutral by default.

1. His fans stayed the same, supporting him through the storm. The opinion of the fans isn’t so easily swayed (though he has lost some in this process, he has also gained new followers), and the main feeling they have towards him now can be summarized in 心疼 (”xin teng”, a feeling that, in this case, can be described as “I’m really sorry that all of this has happened to you because I know that you were innocent in this”). I’ll explain a little bit more about his fans support in the last part of the post.

2. The antis can also be divided into 2 groups: “regular” antis and “professional” antis. The 2/27 Great Union community still exists, but it’s a closed off community and to enter it, the new member has to be approved by a moderator. I’ve seen public comments with the 2/27 Great Union tag, that after his interviews have morphed into “I’m a commoner and I hate XZ”, but they are a lot less active these days. Even if they still have hate after everything that happened, the average anti has gone back to their usual life after quarantine was lifted, so it’s less active.

Some of the “regular” antis will stay active, but that’s to be expected. For example, some of WYB’s solo fans were all exploding over the new vlog XZ’s Studio updated three days ago. While it’s ridiculous for the rest of us, these people will continue their “XZ is using WYB to further his own fame” campaign.

However, it’s different with the “professional” anti. As we said in previous posts, people like “B” has a lot of time, energy and resources to invest in a smear campaign against XZ. Where does all of that come from? I don’t know. What I do know is that once XZ’s topic cools down enough and another scandal of another idol, no matter how small, appears, they’ll shift to hate content about the other idol. What matters to them is to produce content that people will engage with, so they get more views and followers, and profit with it.

3. And now, the “neutral-by-default general public”. There is a problem in how we, as netizens, manage the information. In the previous post, I talked about a hater who had written an assessment because “XZ’s fans” had insulted her parents. While the main objective of the document wasn’t to see how the general public views him, I took the data she had extracted.

The general public isn’t so neutral anymore. While it’s true that XZ keeps gaining fans (he’s still riding on CQL’s success train), what general public, the average passerby, has heard from him is:

A XZ fan has stolen a deceased person’s account to keep promoting him

“XZ’s fans” attack a user’s parents on Father’s Day.

A primary school teacher promotes her favourite idol in her class.

These are bound to create a bad image and reputation in people’s mind. We know (I explained all of those incidents in previous posts) that only the teacher incident was truly caused by a XZ fan. There’s no proof that the person who insulted that user’s parents was a XZ fan, and w/ibo has proved that the “stolen” account incident was a scheme from start to finish.

However, the headache in all of those incidents is that the initial issue (“a XZ fan stole a deceased person account to continue to promote him!”) is announced widely and loudly, attracting people’s attention to it. However, people won’t dig up more information. Less than half will actually read the article or investigate more about it. W/ibo actually investigating it and discovering that it was all a plot to frame XZ isn’t given importance, nor does it go on the hot search chart. People only know what happened at first, but don’t know how the story ended. And this is a huge problem for him, because people accuse him but don’t care to know if he was actually the culprit.

(Wow, just like WWX in CQL).

So I found this to describe it.

There are still neutral people: those who couldn’t care less about the tabloids, and that never read gossip sites. These are still a great part of the general public. Anon was asking about the public opinion: the fact is that previously neutral people have only heared bad things about him for half a year, so that’s bound to affect their image of someone they’re not invested in.

If XZ were defeated, and retired, I’m sure a lot of articles like “framing the innocent” would appear. We people just like to have something to talk about.

His fans’ support

XZ ended 2019 with his followers on w/ibo numbering on 21,690,000. The exact number of his w/ibo followers right now is 26,458,877 (26,459,350 two hours later, by the time I’m editing this to post it). He continues to be liked by more people, and antis may try to reduce his popularity, but it’s a fact that his talent and effort are appreciated by people with no hidden agenda. 

XZ is also slowly coming back to work and to his endorsements, which are very good news. We saw him recently in the R/SEONLY add for Chinese Qixi, in the event for Cao Yu’s anniversary, the vlog the studio updated.

Less directly, Kai Xiao Zao, one of the brands that didn’t stop working with him even after 2/27 (they are a smaller brand, and they must have invested a lot in their endorser, so they can’t just put him aside like other bigger brands did), recently put up little stands in malls all over China to promote their new product. In every stand there was a wall for customers to write and a couple of XZ cardboard cutouts.

In his interview in Yunnan, XZ had been seen wearing his red cord bracelet, to ward off bad luck. So fans started to add their own amulets to ward off bad luck and offerings to the cutouts.

They started off like this...

Fans came...

And they ended up like this. The funny fact it’s that people started to add plush toys, hats and even food to the cutouts, so based on what “XZ” is wearing one can guess where was the photo taken.

This was a widespread phenomenon in all of KXZ stands. So to say that XZ has lost support from his fans would be certainly false.

His dramas are also expected to be aired soon and have been confirmed to. His patience is paying off little by little, and he’s coming back to work.

The moral of the story

I hope we can all learn something from this. If anything, it has changed my own attitude on the Internet. I used to be very quick to answer with extreme words if I felt strongly about a topic. Now I try to tone down my responses. I’m not saying that you’d all do the same, but it’s a lesson I extract from other people’s experiences. History should serve to avoid mistakes others have committed as much as possible.

In the technology and communications based world we live in, to believe that what we do on Internet doesn’t affect real people’s everyday lives is a huge lie. So, now that we can see that XZ is slowly coming back, let’s all remember that this once happened: let’s all be kind on the internet and avoid engaging with people who dedicate themselves to spread hate.

It has been hard on him. But he’s going to top the snowy summit. Let’s do our best to support him rationally.

Prev: Part 5 and 6: A snowy summit

[escxpedes]

loopholes (cont.)

I literally can’t even begin to tell you how much everyone’s support meant to me on the last chapter. All your comments and tags were so sweet, it was seriously the highlight of my day. I’m sorry for the delay, I meant to get this out a couple of days ago, but I’ve come down with a bad cold. This part, while fun, was so hard to get right. Angus Macgyver is a genius, his mind goes a mile a minute, and I wanted to do my best to replicate that. This part is a little slow in getting to the Macriley stuff, but I wanted to show how much he really thinks about things. He’s such a complex character, that if I didn’t do him justice, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. Also, there’s dialogue in this one! Sadly, Jack isn’t mentioned in this chapter, but he’s there in spirit. Clearly, we all love and miss him. I hope you guys enjoy, the last part will be out soon! x

~

loop·hole

noun | A loophole is an ambiguity or inadequacy in a system, such as a law or security, which can be used to circumvent or otherwise avoid the purpose, implied or explicitly stated, of the system

~

Riley finally moves into her new apartment, but struggles to adjust after the events of Codex and the realization of her feelings for Mac. When Mac finds her passed out over her keyboard after a late night of coding at Phoenix, he decides a talk is long overdue. Just some slightly angsty soft!macriley to help you cope with this season 5 hiatus.

~

of lips that i am yet to kiss (and eyes not met my own.)

It's highly unlikely that you'll find Mac walking down the halls of the Phoenix Foundation so late at night. Without the bustling energy of his coworkers fetching important documents or discussing the best way to break down one of the many mysteries the foundation deals with, the darkened hallways and quiet atmosphere can be unnerving.

Sure, he spends nearly every waking hour employed there, but he'd rather be outside the office in different countries, doing hands-on work and saving lives. When you work in his profession, It can be difficult to separate business and pleasure, but that only makes it more important—if only to conserve what mental health he has left. 

However, in the haste of putting together last-minute preparations for yet another meeting with the Department of Justice and trying to make it back to his house in time for something Desi whipped up, he managed to forget his cellphone.

It's funny, mainly because of how little the small device truly matters to Mac.

It only goes to show how insignificant material objects, or even human beings in general, are. The idea that something so meaningless can affect someone's life so much when, if they just looked past that obsession and considered its part in the profound scope of the universe, another perspective would take shape.

It's fascinating stuff, really.

There's a concept essential to understanding Japanese aesthetics, otherwise known as an ancient set of ideals important to Japanese society, called Yūgen. When applied in the right context, Yūgen underlines this deep awareness of the universe and the experiences we have within it. It's often the feeling interpreted when you gaze at the stars late at night or watch the sunset dip behind a hill.

Mac wouldn't think twice before breaking his phone, or rather, breaking the phone of his nearest friend, open for an obscure part that might make one of his many homemade devices come together. However, when he's the only person able to communicate the scientific specifications of an unheard-of-until-recently base plan for saving the planet, he's practically on call 24/7.

He remembers having it in the labs earlier that day when he stopped by before his meeting to remind Bozer to come by his house on Friday for the team's new weekly attempt in group-bonding.

After the betrayals that surfaced during the climax of taking down Codex, the team collectively decided to spend more time as a group in hopes of eliminating any lingering doubts. 

They used to hang out all the time before the government dismantled the Phoenix Foundation.

Mac still can't believe that, after everything they had been through, he allowed his friendships to dissipate over the year they had been separate.

Bozer is his childhood best friend, and Riley had become a solid foundation in his life. He didn't have anyone outside his team at Phoenix, and while he deeply cared for Desi, their first relationship was proof that too much time—and too little communication—with each other can do severe damage to one's sanity.

If Russ hadn't brought them back together, would they have tried to reconnect at some point?

Mac wants to say they would have but wouldn't blame them if they didn't; they all lost something they cared about, and each served as a constant reminder of it.

It would've been hard, but part of him feels like living without them is a lot harder.

When he manages to access the lab, flipping his shiny new I.D. card over his fingers and into its place in his wallet, his eyes scan the room. It's empty, which isn't unusual at this time, but years of military training have rewired his brain to notify him of threats, even if there aren't any.

Just like he thought it would be, the device sits untouched a few tables behind Bozer's workspace where Mac had been sitting.

Quickly, because he left the house in a hurry and forgot to leave a note, he scoops up his phone and makes his way towards the exit. There's a couple of missed calls, but it doesn't seem like he missed anything too important.

Not that they would let him. 

At any rate, they would probably show up on his doorstep if they couldn't get a hold of him. With days off so few and far between, that's the kind of interaction he's hoping to avoid. Hence, why he came to pick up his phone when he realized it was missing instead of waiting until the next day.

He's nearly made it to the end of the hall when a light flashes in his peripheral vision, coming from the I.T. department.

His body is tense with apprehension; his mind races with several different kinds of possibilities and outcomes. He slows his pace, his movements fluid, silent, and controlled from years of stealth practice.

The light is soft, he notices, as if only one or two monitors are in use.

When he gets to the doorway and nudges open the door, hands at the ready, his entire body sags in relief to see the dark wavy hair he's come to associate with one of his closest friends.

"Riles?"

The nickname falls from his mouth before he can stop it, and even though the light from the monitor creates a halo above her head, shadowing her features, it's unmistakably her.

She doesn't move. 

It becomes abundantly clear why as Mac moves towards her and notices the monitor's screen filling up with a sequence of letters that look nothing like coding despite his lack of knowledge in programming languages.

Her elbow balances precariously on the edge of the table, her arms creating a makeshift pillow for her head. The weight of her forearm bears down on the keyboard, causing the side of her hand to press down multiple keys at once.

He shakes his head a little, amused by the situation unfolding. 

Her cheek rests comfortably on her hand, a serene expression masking the signs of exhaustion that showed on her face.

Mac's lips curved into a soft smile, seeing Riley in any state that wasn't cloaked in layers of worry or anxious determination always washed away any doubts he might have about working in such a stressful field.

The scars that covered his body, the secrets he has to keep, and the pain he has to endure are so unbelievably worth it as long as she out of harm's way and able to sleep peacefully.

Of course, he couldn't imagine anyone else by his side on a mission, knowing they share the same love and passion for kicking ass and saving lives.

However, he also knows that more lies underneath the surface.

He wouldn't wish the hardships of this job on anyone. Seeing it affect someone he cares about, watching it break them down slowly pulls at his heartstrings and fills him with a knowing sadness. 

When a piece of hair falls into her face, his fingers don't hesitate to gently brush it behind her ear, lightly tracing her cheekbone and caressing her cheek.

Kneeling, his hand drops to her shoulder in an attempt to gently wake her.

After a couple of shakes, the expressive brown eyes he's come to look forward to seeing begin to flutter open and nearly render him speechless.

She blinks a couple of times, inhaling slowly, "Macgyver."

Her voice is full of sleep and breaks from misuse, but the way she says his name—like there's nobody else she'd expect to see when she wakes up —has him grinning from ear to ear.

"Good morning, sleepyhead."

Rising from her position on the table, she scans the room before meeting his eyes and scoffing, "It's hardly the morning."

He laughs softly, holding back the urge to mention that technically it is morning considering its past twelve. Instead, he focuses on the matter at hand, or more likely, the question at hand.

"What are you doing here so late?"

She's more alert now, sitting back in her chair and lifting her arms to stretch out the muscles that stiffened while she slept, glancing at her work on the monitor.

Her face drops into a grimace when she notices her mistake, "Matty and I were talking about updating the foundation's firewall and spyware," she yawns, "I must have been more tired than I realized."

Mac's eyebrows scrunch in thought, remembering something Bozer said earlier about Riley spending quite a few nights this week working late.

Between going over his mother's scientific data, trying to patch up whatever relationship he had left with Desi, and making sure he didn't go off the rails with grief, his effort to check in on everyone decreased significantly.

"Yeah, you've been doing that a lot lately," his hand returned to her shoulder to emphasize his point, "Everything okay?"

She waves him off, "There's too much work that needs to be done around here before we can get things running the way they used to."

Riley doesn't lie to him—if you overlook the whole situation with her ex, Aubrey, that is, but the movements she's making indicate otherwise.

Her eyes refuse to meet his, flickering down and to the right. When she talks, her head shakes lightly, and she purses her lips in an attempt to give off a careless impression. Maybe someone who doesn't know her or didn't train to pick up on it would believe her, but he knew better.

She was definitely hiding something from him.

Part of him understands that if she wanted to talk about it, she would. However, his instincts urge him to press harder, locate the problem, and bring back her contagious smile that always seems to fill him with warmth.

As much as he doesn't want to admit it, you can't patch some things together by sheer will and sellotape, so instead, he stands up and drops his hand from her shoulder.

"Let's get you home."

[bookkeepingproservics]

Quick Bookkeeping Tips for You

No matter the age of you or the age of your business, we are always learning something, there is always something we did not know then we eventually came to know and we are like why I did not know this before? My life could be far better.

Here we are talking about some such beneficial tips for you which will let you have another and clear view of your books. QuickBooks is a big project. You can’t excel this by just some DIY videos, or two-hour crash courses on YouTube. But this Blog will let you have all the basics to start and some pro tips.

Having the freedom to focus on your day-to-day business activities is important. QuickBooks gives you such strong tools to make this happen. In this blog, I’m going to take you on the long way to navigate you around QuickBooks online interface plus you need to know about the accounting and bookkeeping basics.

It can be rough, working on the software you have not used much, getting grip on it is tough. Trust me I have been through all this, I was like why it is so hard to run a single report? How come everything is in so different places? I think it crashed. I have lost everything!  It happened a lot. I have worked on lots of accounting software.

To make your life easier and to save yourself from such disasters. Try the following.

Setting up your account 

If you have already set up your account then ace! Or else it’s pretty easy to set up the account there are four choices to pick one from which is covering all your requirements.  I think most people go for essentials because it allows QuickBooks to manage your bills and payments.  Which is a big time saver. Choose one and don’t worry QuickBooks is easy to upgrade if you need further tools. Now we are all set.

Dashboard

This is the place that will be your default home page whenever you will log in. on the right side of the screen there will be your company’s logo and on the left of the screen there are functions lined up, we've got to create the menu, the search function, and the gear icon.

Your dashboard contains some handy summaries of your business finances, everything is there all your linked banks and credit accounts. This gives you insight into how your business is doing including summaries of your invoices, expenses, sales, profit, and loss, and finally your bank accounts on the right which will get into shortly.

Gear button

From the gear menu, you can also manage your users which basically means who can access your QuickBooks account. I can’t emphasize it enough that getting started with the start will save you a lot from headaches and time wastage.  A gear menu is a place where you can reconcile our statements. Which is a must at least monthly.

Customized invoices

Ready to send some invoices great but don’t send any generic invoices. Customize this for lasting the impression. If we click on account and then settings here is where you can change your company name and logo.  Make sure you keep it updated and it will be shown on your invoices. snap and store the receipt, your receipt snap matches automatically. Isn’t it great?

Create Menu

From the dashboard click on the create menu here, you can create new transactions. A useful thing to note here is that QuickBooks Online can be set up to automatically email your invoices directly to your customers as soon as they're completed. This will help speed up your cash collection process.

Vendor column

Next, we need to manage our own bills and expenses. These options are both found under the vendor column. Here in the form, you can fill out all of the relevant details before hitting save and close to enter it into the system. QuickBooks can also save you a bunch of time by allowing you to batch pay your bills and get all of those payments out in one go.

Shortcuts and Automation

Learning shortcuts will save you time. No more need to trawling through the sheets manually. You can create bank rules to automate the classification process. That happens on a regular basis and will save you a lot of time.

Reports

This is my favorite tab, where you can easily analyze your reports which can be customized to change the periods and columns easily, you can run a balance sheet to check on your financials quickly, receivable accounts summary to spot overdue invoices. And many other useful business reports. Even on the go track expenses on your phone.

Enjoy!

Customizable labels and tags can help you to track your parcels. QuickBooks keeps you a step ahead and allows you to focus on what is important most. A chance to grow your passion and ground up your business. 

As I mentioned earlier QuickBooks is a very waste and high tech software, if you ever got stuck somewhere as requirements of tools vary a lot from business to business so it might be worth your while getting Virtual bookkeeping Services to help you tailor these for your purposes. I can't emphasize it enough.

[peninkwrites]

Thank you sm @rhyslahey for the tag! I don't normally do these but it seemed fun :)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

28

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

815,679

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

A surprising amount– 6! Teen Wolf, Z Nation, Criminal Minds, Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, The Umbrella Academy, and Dream SMP. so, so much Dream SMP.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

My first ever dsmp fic– Techno Comes Home, my only Umbrella Academy fic, He Got Seven (and what he deserved), A Talk Long Overdue (therapy fics seem to be my specialty), Thomas. Not 10k, but not Tommy either, my only Z Nation fic, this one surprises me, it's dark horror written for a comedic show with a tiny fandom, and The Storm (or: he should know better by now, but somehow he has no doubts), a Teen Wolf oneshot.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Oh, this is hard. I have a trilogy, In Which Things go Awry and the Good Guys Lose, and I cannot decide what's the worst of the trio, maybe the second one, In Which Punz Never Shows, just because it's worse than grief?

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Other than the aforementioned tragedies, I try to always have at least hopeful endings? But still, the ending of my 4 year long series, In Which Isaac Lahey Finally Gets some Fucking Therapy, is definitely the happiest, I may be biased because I'm just so fond of that series and how much work I put into it <3

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Never have, don't think I ever will, not my niche. Have considered writing some AUs, but not crossovers.

8. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

No, cannot, will not. Any romance is a challenge for me to write, not even touching all that. You do you, not my cup of tea.

9. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try and respond to every comment just because they bring me so much joy, but I also try to make myself only reply when I have an update to post, sort of a reward for getting some writing done, but that means sometimes I don't reply until a month later... (or worse forget entirely)

10. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Thankfully no! At 'worst' sometimes people have disagreed with my characterization or corrected something they think I interpreted wrong, which, they've always been polite about it so fair enough!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so, although one time I was reading a fic that was uncannily similar to my own, not word for word, but it felt almost like a retelling or a parallel version? Probably just a popular interpretation of the premise, but it was a surreal read.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope! I don't have the language skills to attempt it myself.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not really, although I have done a beginner bang and got to collaborate with a great artist, which is just as fun.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Romance isn't my forte, I still have a soft spot for Scisaac just because I adore the characters. My current favorite is Awesamponk, just because tragedy has been calling me lately.

15. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I have never given up on a fic and hopefully never will! That I've posted at least, if I've posted it I have to finish, otherwise I let my 2.5 readers down lol, I've had an unposted draft for a fic about the DSMP Raccooninnit arc that I've been sitting on Since That Arc, which was, what, back in January?

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue! Dialogue has always been my strong suit, or at least these past few years. Copying people's way of talking is always really fun.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Is saying everything else a fair answer? Describing stuff. I can write character feelings, not settings. The characters are Talking- where? Doing what? Good question! Love to find out some day.

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I had to do a lot of this for my last two isaac fics, one taking place in France and one in Russia and if I’m being honest, Google translate. That’s all I can manage. I apologize to any French or Russian readers.

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I am not going to say, but I was 12, and it was on Wattpad. That should be horrifying enough.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

This is unjust. It’s like picking a favorite child. My favorite fic is probably one of the ones I’ve just been vividly planning in my head and have yet to write let alone post :/

I have no idea who to tag, if it takes any other writer's fancy, I recommend! It's fun to look back on stuff!

[wthzoe]

chapter 7 pt. 2 - you can never be too happy in this life

'you can never be too happy in this life' yeah, that's still the line

series masterlist - here

previous | next

warning: character death

a/n: aaand she lives! hi, yes, i'm alive! i honestly don't remember how long i was gone but thank you sm for (still) supporting 'with a smile' even if my updating schedule is shit lmao. here's the long overdue part 2 of chapter 7! i hope it's alright 😩

tags: @crayonwriting

-

The timing couldn’t be more perfect for the two of you. Spring break rolled around a couple weeks later, giving you time to work on Kuroo moving into your apartment. Soon enough you were sharing your room with your boyfriend. The triplets were overjoyed to find out that their papa will be living under the same roof and that they get to spend more time with him.

“Papa!” The triplets yelled one peaceful afternoon; excitement evident in the tone of their voice. That could only mean one thing; Kuroo has returned home from volleyball practice. You peaked at the entrance area from the kitchen, seeing how hot and disheveled your boyfriend was. Duffel bag slung across his torso, his hair messy as usual and his lips smiling widely at his little boys.

He picked all three of them up at the same time (which gave your poor motherly heart a scare) causing the boys to burst in a fit of giggles. Kuroo chuckled along with them as he walks the short distance to the kitchen before placing them down on the table. You walk up to him to give him a kiss, standing on your tippy toes to match his height. He grabbed you by the waist the moment you came in close proximity to him.

"I'm home," he whispered.

"Welcome back," you whispered back, giving him one last peck on the lips before pulling away and moving your attention to the food on the stove.

You ate dinner with your family as usually would, nothing really going out of the ordinary until you heard your phone ring from the living room. You were about to stand up in order to retrieve the device but Kuroo offers to do it instead as he was closer to the living room.

"I'll get it." He picks it up then glances at the caller ID which showed the name 'Grandpa'. He instinctively answered it then brought it to his ear. "Hello?"

"(Y/N)— Oh, Tetsurou?"

"Yes, it's me." He began walking back to his spot on the dining table while you watch him curiously, trying to find out who he's talking to and what they're talking about. "I'm sorry, what?"

Kuroo's face went pale, probably due to the news delivered to him. He gulps before shifting his gaze to you.

"(Y/N)..."

You beg Kuroo to drive faster than he already is in hopes of arriving to the hospital quicker. She'll be alright. She's fine. It's just a minor thing, right? Thoughts flooded your mind from the moment you dropped the triplets off at Bokuto and Akaashi's shared dorm room to the present.

Kuroo grabbed your hand that you were nibbling on out of anxiety, giving it a tight squeeze of reassurance. But nothing could keep you calm, all you need was to arrive at the hospital faster and see for yourself that your grandmother would be alright.

The second the car was parked, you dashed out of it and into the hospital, frantically asking the front desk for your grandmother. You didn't even give the receptionist a chance to finish her question regarding your relation to the patient. You simply dashed to the elevator, pressing the 'up' button too many times, as if it would help the elevator arrive faster. When it did, people swore a ghost rushed by at how quick you got on.

More thoughts fill your head, making you forget that you completely left your boyfriend behind, but he understood. Unlike you, Kuroo calmly asked the receptionist for your grandmother's room and calmly waited for the elevator door to open.

On the other hand you were there catching your breath right outside your grandmother's room. You knew she wouldn't be too fond of the state you were in now so you gave your self time to breathe. After a couple minutes you finally lift your fist to knock— beep.

Oh no. It was that beep. The long one. Your heart sank to the deepest pits of Earth. That's not it, right? You were hearing wrong. She's fine. When you walk in, she'll greet you as always. She's fine. She's fine. She's—

The scene that greeted you when you opened the door sunk your heart deeper than what you thought was humanely possible. Doctors, or were they nurses? You didn't know, you couldn't think, were huddled around the bed while frantically trying to revive your grandmother.

In the corner was your grandfather, who had noticed you enter because he was trying so hard not to see his wife battle life and death. You ran to him in tears. He gave you a tight hug, his breath equally as shaky as yours, maybe even more.

The two of you stayed in that position the whole time, earnestly waiting for good news that never came. She's gone. You grandmother's gone. The person who took you in and raised you like her own was gone.

You sink into the chair beside the bed, listlessly staring at her peaceful expression. If it was even remotely possible, more tears rolled down your cheeks. Your breaths becoming even heavier, as you release sobs.

"Grandma," you called out, hoping she'll find her way back to you. Maybe she was just lost. "Granny..."

The more you call for her the more you realize that she's not coming back. You grab her cold hand with both of yours, desperately trying to heat it up as you call for her. You lean your head onto her shoulder and bawled. Her body no longer providing the comforting heat you always loved.

"I said— I said I'm going to repay you... for everything you've done for me." You choked out in between sobs. "How am I going to do that now? Please don't leave me..."

You stayed like that for hours, even after Kuroo came to comfort you. But Kuroo and your grandfather both decided that it would be best to leave you be for now.

After a while you calmed down. Your grandfather approached you and placed a hand on your shoulder.

"She... knew what was coming." He started. "Two days ago, before we came here, she told me she wanted a nice romantic evening before she goes. So we did that. She said she regrets not being able to properly say goodbye to you and the triplets before she goes."

You stare at your grandmother's lifeless body as tears began to flow once again.

"We prepared gifts for the boys for the next 15 years until they turn 18. She said it was the least she could do. She didn't let me contact you until she knew it was her last day. She said it was 'a few days too many of worrying for my baby'."

Once again you were full on sobbing into her shoulder.

"She said she has a last wish for you."

"What is it?" You lift your head, determined to fulfill your grandmother's last wish until;

"(Y/N)..." You felt your body tense at the feminine voice from behind you. You turn around only to see—

"Mom, dad. Why are you here?" Your voice was harsh as you eye them up and down.

"(Y/N), sweetie..."

"Don't you 'sweetie' me. You kicked me out remember?" Your grandfather's hand on your shoulder gave you a slight squeeze.

"(Y/N)... did you know that all this time they've been assisting you and the boys as much as they can? They regret what they did. Please talk to them at least. Your grandmother would be very happy."

You remind yourself that this was your grandmother's last wish as you hesitantly lead them out of the room. Kuroo gave you a look of concern from where he sat, knowing how tense you were. You give him a slight smile to reassure him.

"Just so you know, I have nothing to say to you." You speak up.

"I know, but please listen to us." You crossed your arms and turned to face them, not making eye contact. "I admit that what we did was wrong, that we were too harsh to you. I also admit that the first few months, we didn't care at all, but then one day your grandmother visited us and brought us a copy of your ultrasound. Your dad and I were happy for you, we regretted what we did but we knew you wouldn't even want to see us after all that."

She reached for your arm but you flinch away from her. She sighed then continued her explanation.

"We asked for updates about the four of you. We asked about what we can do to help, even if just financially. I saw how well you raised your boys, (Y/N). I don't have the rights to, but I'm proud. We... didn't plan on approaching you because the pain we caused you was too much and I didn't want you to be in pain again when you see us. But mom said it was her dying wish, and I also wanted to make things right. So, (Y/N), I'm very sorry."

You eyed your parents, checking for signs of insincerity in their words. But their expressions were nothing but sincere. You sigh and slowly approached your mother for a hug.

"Don't get me wrong, I still haven't fully forgiven you. I'm still very hurt. I just think that having things continue the way they were will only be bad for all of us." Both parents gave you a tight hug back, crying. Yoy caught a glimpse of Kuroo sitting outside your grandmother's room from over your mother's shoulder. "I have someone for you to meet."

You pull away from each other before calling for Kuroo. "Tetsu."

Your boyfriend stared at you in confusion, probably wondering why on Earth were you calling him in the middle of a touching reunion. Nonetheless, he complied to your call and approached you sheepishly.

"This is my boyfriend, Tetsurou."

"Kuroo Tetsurou, ma'am and... sir." Without further notice your mom pulled him into a tight hug.

"Thank you. Thank you very much for taking care of my (Y/N)."

Kuroo chuckled as he hugs her back, looking over to you before saying, "My pleasure."

[gayerthanthee]

'get to know me' tag game

Rules: answer the questions and tag people you'd like to get to know better.

Tagged by: my recent friend @heyheysey who shocked me in the notifs when i saw her actually tag me-- i really need to get used to having mutuals :O

Tagging: @raineyclouds @screaming-garbagemouth @mizuraisu @yourlocalmusicalprostitute and this is a desperate one but also @bohemian-napsodyy pls come back bby, i hope you're safe. i miss you so bad <33

also, there are some parts where i mention and talked about gender dysphoria & crisis, and death of a loved one. if it's triggering pls go on and don't read.

What do you prefer to be called name-wise?

Cas or Xan (like sah-n)

When is your birthday?

january 9

Where do you live?

the Philippines

Three things you are doing right now:

watching videos about genderfluid people

contemplating about the places I'll be in the future

downing 3 cups of water before bed (hydrating is sexc. do it pls.)

Four fandoms that have piqued your interest?

marvel - my childhood sweetheart, but i've only become really immersed during 2016! not as active anymore about it though.

queen - i always heard my parents play songs before year '90 when i was young, and what really stuck with me was listening to this band and their many songs and concerts. i joined the hype when the movie about them dropped at 2018. not much active anymore on that too.

bnha - i always saw this around but?? i only got in sometime last year or mid 2018 and religiously went binge-reading the manga during the highs of pandemic because distracting yourself from self-deteriorating thoughts is sexy. take it from me.

haikyuu - this was a random one. i knew this longer than bnha because it's popular but it wasn't as interesting to me before. but then i saw that many of the blogs i follow like hq too and then they make content and then the rest is history. i started maybe last month, haven't read the manga yet but i weirdly know things already.

How has the pandemic been treating you?

everything is constantly crazy thank you for asking. wouldn't have it any other way though.

A song you can't stop listening to right now?

Forget You by CeeLo Green

How old are you?

(UPDATE: yeah i now feel uncomfy sharing this info but yeet it's gone now srry)

School, university, occupation, other?

hope i was extra enough to excel the first semester in senior high. self-learning is difficult when you have all the time in the house to ✨succumb to vulnerable thoughts✨

Do you prefer heat or cold?

i prefer the heat. although a cold environment is really convenient especially in our country, i prefer the warmth because of the comfort it brings, along with keeping me grounded.

Name one fact others may not know about you:

I haven't exactly coped over my uncle's passing and I don't know if i did anything about it. i remember the times he was healthy and feel regret each time because i was such an ass of a kid to him back then that i think i made his life harder than what he actually deserved. he messaged me a along time ago and because i was constantly mad at him, i just left it on read, no more after that. everytime i see the conversation, it makes ny chest gape even more. i was so much angry back then that i didn't treat him as i should because yeah there were times were i was nice or neutral and helped him a lot and made him laugh a bit but still. wow im shaking just typing this. i now message him every once in a while even though he's gone. like a delusional way to connect with him even though it's too late.

Are you shy?

not much, no. I may worry about what someone significant to me may think about me though. but otherwise i'm chill and tired 25/8

Pronouns

she/he/they. my sex is female and it feels so right being genderfluid but i feel like i'm just too influenced by my country's homophobic tradition and society norm for me to accept myself? it's really tight here, I haven't even come out yet. being an Asian is hard.

biggest pet-peeves?

people commenting on my 'femininity'. pls drop it, i'm not comfortable being told i look better in a dress and i should act more womanly-like. i will manspread while also maintain good hygiene thank you very much. it's not because i may identify as male, but because gender roles is a big joke, okay? like sure this is my sex but i can also be a good boy or look sleek in a suit. it's confusing but it's not that hard. dresses are nice but they're not for me to wear just because i'm 'a girl'. is it obvious I have gender dysphoria??

What is your favorite "dere" type?

don't actually have one. they're all equally cool, i just don't have a preference. tsundere's are more above for me though.

Rate your life from 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be.

it fluctuates from 4 to 7 like my gender. life is a wheel. you're on the low and it all goes up from here, but then you'll also be grounded and the cycle goes again.

What's your main blog?

this, @gayerthanthee , I have sideblogs but they aren't really relevant? i don't even remember why i made them?

List your side blogs and what they are used for:

homemade-genius - oh i did this because i tried to be funny and make some jokes. apparently i do not even have the ENERGY and MEMORY to post in it, so what made me think I even have humor too??

cas-xx - ick did this when i used to simp for some guy back in junior year. i still cringe to this day—not because i made a sideblog, but because i actually?? had the guts to simp for a straight cis-male who was also materialistic and firmly believed and follows gender-roles? it always makes me bleaurgh.

Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends?

please consider that while i'm not picky with my gender, i still do not like being considered a female only, and because of society norms. we the gays are OUTSIDE the society norms. i would always rather being called handsome over beautiful. also pls consider i have gender dysphoria and crisis. it's crazy.

p.s. it's long overdue and i'm real sorry. i had to shut off from the world to finish my tasks and projects. and now i'm finally done!! thank you sey 🥺 this is my first time being tagged in a get to know me!!

[rosethornewrites]

Fic: the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break, ch. 7

Relationships: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī & Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī & Wēn Qíng, Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn

Characters: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī, Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn, Wēn Qíng, Wēn Níng | Wēn Qiónglín, Granny Wēn, Lán Yuàn | Lán Sīzhuī, Wēn Remnants, Wen Meilin, Fourth Uncle

Additional Tags: Pre-Slash, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Secrets, Crying, Masks, Soulmates, Truth, Self-Esteem Issues, Regret, It was supposed to be a one-shot, Fix-It, Eventual Relationships, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, wwx needs a hug, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Filial Piety, Handfasting, Phobias, Sleeping Together, Fear, Panic Attacks, Love Confessions, Getting Together, First Kiss, Kissing, Boys Kissing, Family, and they were married, Bathing/Washing, Hair Braiding, Hair Brushing, Feels, Sex Education

Summary: A little making out, and family time.

Notes: Soft chapter, but one that was difficult to write. Definitely look up the song Wei WuXian plays on the dizi. There’s a version on YouTube played with the xiao, and it’s lovely. Last week of summer semester, so it might be a bit before I update.

AO3 link

Chapters:  1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

------------------

Though at first their teeth collide a few times, Lan WangJi discovers that kissing, as with anything else, is a skill one can improve with practice. He is startled a bit when Wei Ying opens his mouth to deepen the kiss, but he finds the sensation of his tongue against his own more than enjoyable. 

He finds it even more enjoyable to be able to finally give attention to the mole under his lip that has taunted him all these years. Wei Ying seems to realize his focus because he laughs, joyous and breathless and beautiful. 

Lan WangJi hooks his arm around Wei Ying to pull him closer, but he freezes at his pained hiss.

Of course; Wei Ying was injured by Wen Ning, and likely hurt himself last night falling to the hard cave floor in his haste to escape the dog spirit.

As much as he would prefer to continue this, Lan WangJi forces himself to stop. He can’t help but remember Wei Ying’s reminder that their union hasn’t been consummated, and that doesn’t make it easier. He has, after all, been waiting since he was fifteen. 

“You are injured,” he says softly, sitting. “And malnourished.”

Wei Ying pouts, but doesn’t protest vocally or move to get up, which tells Lan WangJi he truly is in pain, and judging from the way his eyelids are drooping, absolutely in need of more sleep.

“I will meditate here, and we will have breakfast together when you wake. We should also discuss my brother’s impending visit.”

“Ah, I guess you want to tell him we’re married, then?” Wei Ying says with a sigh. “Can we at least ask him to keep quiet about it until after shijie’s wedding? She deserves better than to have her happy day overshadowed.”

Lan WangJi has not, in fact, thought yet of how he will tell his brother he married Wei Ying all those years ago and neglected to tell him. But he does agree that the news should not detract from the marriage of Jiang YanLi and Jin ZiXuan, though he disagrees with the idea that the their marriage could be a dark thing.

“Agreed, but…”

He pauses, considering how to say what comes next, how not to risk driving Wei Ying away again.

“Please consider telling my brother you no longer have a golden core, if not the circumstances,” Lan WangJi finally says.

He is relieved when Wei Ying doesn’t pull away, only grimaces, but his relief is short-lived.

“You think he’s more apt to help if he knows I’m broken,” he whispers.

Lan WangJi feels his jaw drop, horror rising as he realizes just how deeply Wei Ying’s self-loathing goes. He wishes he could assure him of his own worth, but he also knows it will take time to convince him. But this, he knows, is his fault. He did not help Wei Ying until he knew the truth, when he should have helped from the beginning, should have trusted him.

Does Wei Ying believe he pities him? The idea chafes.

“You are not broken,” he tells him, “and certainly not simply by virtue of being without a golden core.”

Wei Ying snorts derisively. 

“Then what am I? A cultivator who can only cultivate on the crooked path?”

Lan WangJi gently pulls Wei Ying closer until he’s pillowed in his lap, until he can look at him directly, if upside down.

“Wei Ying is Wei Ying. You need be nothing more.”

His zhiji looks away, his eyes shining in the dim candlelight. Lan WangJi feels helpless in the face of his despondency, knows he is in part the cause.

“I haven’t even told Jiang Cheng. He’s going to be so angry.”

He understands; the secret involves his brother, and he has a duty to tell him first, regardless of how long it will be before he sees him next. Wei Ying’s public break with the Jiang clan makes that uncertain, and it is not the sort of revelation that would be appropriate in a letter. In fact, if it were known he sent a letter to Jiang Cheng at all, problems could arise.

Perhaps XiChen could send one on their behalf, though, asking Jiang Cheng to at least visit in secret.

“I will tell no one, Wei Ying. Not even xiongzhang, if you do not wish it. But… eventually you will no longer be able to hide it.”

Lan WangJi strokes Wei Ying’s cheek, hating to have to think about or reference the inevitability of his mortality. Hating that it is an inevitability.

“I ask only that you consider it, nothing more. I will honor whatever decision you make.”

Wei Ying doesn't reply, instead curls closer, shifts until his face is hidden against Lan WangJi’s side, his arms around his waist, his body further in his lap.

“You are not broken,” he repeats, running his hand through Wei Ying’s hair. “You are beautiful and honorable.”

He wishes the rest of the world could see Wei Ying as he does.

In the silence, he has little to focus on, noting the brittleness of his hair, how it seems as unhealthy as the rest of Wei Ying. But Lan WangJi has never had much opportunity to touch him this way—after XuanWu and when he fell after Wen RuoHan’s death notwithstanding. 

Neither are pleasant memories, particularly the latter. The image of Wen RuoHan dangling Wei Ying by the throat over the steps of Nightless City still fills him with dread. He was certain then he was about to witness his zhiji’s death, to watch his neck snapped, to see him tossed aside like a broken doll.

Afterward, in the days he was unconscious, watching the bruises around his throat fade slowly, fearing he may never wake again as his spiritual energy did not seem to be recovering… It did not recover, but it was not, as he suspected then, due to demonic cultivation.

Lan WangJi wishes he realized sooner. He will always wish that he somehow was able to help Wei Ying more, will always feel the sting of having failed him for so long.

Wei Ying’s breathing evens slowly as he falls asleep, and Lan WangJi matches his breathing. Though he has never attempted meditation with someone in his lap, his zhiji’s presence is soothing, and he slips into the necessary trance easily. 

He slips out of it just as easily a couple hours later when he hears footsteps approaching their chamber of the cave. From the sound, very short legs, the pace puttering against the stone and dirt of the cave.

Lan WangJi is unsurprised when a-Yuan enters. The child surveys them quietly for a moment.

“Xian-gege sad?” he finally asks.

Only then does Lan WangJi remember that Wei Ying is asleep in his lap, arms still twined around his waist.

“Mn,” he says with a nod.

Because despite Wei Ying’s happiness at his insistence that he indeed wanted to be married to him, his request regarding his brother upset him. And it had taken far too much convincing for his liking for Wei Ying to believe he was worthy of him. 

“Hugs make me feel better when I’m sad,” the child says. “I can hug Xian-gege, too.”

Lan WangJi nods again, and a-Yuan toddles over and chooses the most expedient way to deliver a hug: flopping onto Wei Ying and then hugging him. 

He resists the urge to scold the child when Wei Ying wakes with a pained grunt, and instead lifts a-Yuan off, settling him on one knee.

“Ah, a-Yuan, be careful,” Wei Ying murmurs, his voice a bit strained. “You’re getting big.”

“Xian-gege needed hugs. And gugu said you need to wake up for breakfast. And popo said you’re too skinny.”

“Popo always says that.”

Wei Ying winces when he sits up, which lets Lan WangJi know Wen Qing should examine him. He hopes he will not injure as easily once he’s in better health.

“She is not wrong, Wei Ying.”

He pulls a face in response, but can’t help but laugh when a-Yuan imitates him. 

“All right, all right. Let’s go eat.”

Lan WangJi is relieved when Wei Ying doesn’t need help getting up, though he doubts very much he would ask if he did. He carries a-Yuan with them, and the boy seems content with being carried. 

“I did not inquire yesterday about bathing facilities,” he comments as they make their way to the communal area.

Wei Ying laughs shortly.

“‘Bathing facilities.’ You’re so proper. We have a river, Lan Zhan. That and basins and rags. That’s about it right now.”

The river was practical, but not in the long term. Perhaps that was something to address with Wen Qing, then, whether tubs could be purchased. Before winter, when bathing in a river would be less than ideal. 

“I know you’re used to better, but I’ll show you where later today,” Wei Ying says. “Honestly, I’m probably overdue for a wash myself.”

“Xian-gege stinky?”

Wei Ying drops back to tickle a-Yuan. 

“Stinky, eh? You just wait, stinky radish. I’m sure your gugu will want us to give you a bath, too.”

“A-Yuan not stinky!” the boy squeals with a giggle.

Wei Ying darts in and makes a show of smelling him.

“Oh, my little radish is ripe. It’s almost time to pick him and cook him up for dinner!”

“No cook a-Yuan!” he shrieks, still giggling, as they enter the communal area.

“Oh? Should we sell the little radish at market instead?”

“Noooooo! Gugu, tell Xian-gege!”

Wen Qing scowls at Wei Ying, but it’s without heat, a sort of play-acting likely affected for a-Yuan’s amusement.

“I swear sometimes you’re a child yourself,” she mutters.

“Xianxian is three,” Wei Ying sings with a grin.

“Brat,” she says, rolling her eyes, her voice fond.

They’re a family here, Lan WangJi has come to see. The closeness of their relationships brings light to the darkness of the Burial Mounds. He is glad they have been there for his zhiji when he has not.

Wei Ying winces when he settles on one of the seats and Wen Qing’s sharp gaze catches it. She looks between them with an expression that looks far too amused, and despite the fact that her assumption is incorrect, Lan WangJi can feel his ears heat.

“Dog spirit,” he explains. “Wei Ying fell.”

Wen Qing’s expression shifts to concern. It’s clear she knows of Wei Ying’s phobia.

“The damn thing came back again?”

Lan WangJi glances at Wei Ying—he didn’t mention it had bothered him on previous occasions.

“Bad dog,” a-Yuan contributes.

“Lan Zhan eliminated it this time,” Wei Ying says, avoiding both their gazes.

Wen Qing shoots him a grateful look. 

“Last time he knocked into the cave wall and almost broke his nose,” she tells him. “Hopefully all he’s got this time is a few bruises, but at least it won’t be back.”

She turns her attention back to Wei Ying.

“I’ll examine you after breakfast to be sure. Cooperate or I’ll make you.”

“Aiya, no needles, Qing-jie! No need to bully me.”

Wei Ying grabs a-Yuan from Lan WangJi’s lap to use as a shield. The boy just giggles, like this is a common occurrence. Knowing his propensity for dramatics, it probably is.

“A-Ning is giving you double portions today,” Wen Qing continues, ignoring his antics. “And I’ll trust Hanguang-Jun to make sure you’re not feeding it to a-Yuan. He’s getting plenty, too, and we have radishes ready to harvest in a few days so we’ll be fine with food for a little while at least.”

She glares at him when he looks like he might protest.

“You’re unhealthy and everyone is worried about you. Popo was encouraging me to use needles and find a way to shove it down your throat earlier. Don’t think I won’t resort to that.”

Wei Ying, thankfully, takes her seriously enough to behave throughout breakfast. He eats enough that even popo, who seats herself at their table and manages to look both sweet and intimidating throughout the meal, seems satisfied.

True to her threat, Wen Qing has popo take charge of a-Yuan and drags a lightly protesting Wei Ying back to the Demon Subduing Cave to be examined. Lan WangJi hesitates, but follows at his zhiji’s pleading look. 

“Sit,” Wen Qing orders when they’ve reached the alcove “I want to make sure you didn’t break anything, at least. You have horrid luck. Where did you fall?”

“Shoulder and hip,” Wei Ying says with a resigned sigh. “But it’s really not—”

He goes silent at her glare, which Lan WangJi has to admit is formidable. 

“Don’t even,” she huffs. “You always lie about your injuries. Strip.”

Wei Ying, to Lan WangJi’s surprise, actually blushes, glancing at him. Wen Qing takes notice, looking between them.

“Ah, you told him, then?” 

She looks almost amused. 

“Wait, you told her?”

Lan WangJi almost winces at the bit of hurt in his tone.

“That he’s besotted with you? Any fool could tell, except you,” Wen Qing snaps.

“I did not tell her,” Lan WangJi confirms.

He is a little concerned when a slightly gleeful look passed over Wei Ying’s face, replaced with one that is utterly fond.

“So I was the first one you told that you handfasted me when we were sixteen?”

Wen Qing makes a noise that sounds almost like a choke, looking at them uncertainly.

“I did not even tell xiongzhang,” he confirms. “I would tell no one without telling you first.”

Wei Ying’s expression turns to one of adoration, and Lan WangJi starts mentally reciting the Lan principles, as he is sorely tempted to revisit their morning activities.

Wen Qing is still staring at them, and Lan WangJi takes pity, explaining in brief what occurred in the Cold Spring cave, with Wei Ying contributing details. He finishes by explaining the meaning of the forehead ribbons in a wedding ceremony and the bow to Lan Yi as essentially an elopement.

“You’re married?” Wen Qing murmurs, her voice hoarse with shock. “Married.”

Her gaze turns shrewd.

“Has it been consummated?”

It’s Wei Ying’s turn to choke. 

“Qing-jie!”

Lan WangJi doesn’t trust himself to answer verbally and simply shakes his head.

To his surprise, she starts pacing, hands clasped behind her back. He didn’t expect her to be someone who paces.

“And you want to be wed, correct?” she asks after a moment.

Wei Ying’s “definitely” and Lan WangJi’s “of course” are simultaneous.

“Good,” she says, her tone surprisingly emphatic, as she turns to them. “So you’ve had quite an extended engagement, and we can figure out what this idiot gave as courting gifts since you bought a-Yuan toys and provided the Burial Mounds with money. I hate to simplify what is obviously a love match to political terms, but you need to consummate before Zewu-Jun arrives, in anticipation of the question of its validity.”

Lan WangJi can feel his ears heating, and Wei Ying’s face blushes more fetchingly than before. Wen Qing looks between them, and her brief look of glee is ever more concerning than Wei Ying’s was.

“Well, since you’re both clearly virgins—” 

She ignores the “hey!” from Wei Ying.

“—and I am familiar with all forms of sexual hygiene as a doctor, I’ll go ahead and explain exactly what you’ll need to do to make it a safe and enjoyable experience.”

Wei Ying’s jaw drops. Wen Qing gestures for Lan WangJi to sit, and he’s honestly grateful to as she starts talking. She brusquely yanks Wei Ying’s robes from his shoulder to check his injuries as she does, and Lan WangJi has to avert his gaze from his zhiji’s milky skin to avoid reacting to it.

He cannot deny he has thought quite a bit about what he wanted to do with Wei Ying very often almost since first meeting him. Wen Qing’s very detailed and blunt explanations make those imaginings far less fuzzy than they were before. She even includes a discussion of aftercare, advising they keep a basin of water and rags nearby for the “mess.” By the time she’s finished, Wei Ying’s very red face is buried in his hands, and Lan WangJi has to avert his gaze as she pulls his trousers away from his hip, revealing the curve of one bruised buttock.

“And I guess I’ll have to send Merlin-yi to market for the oil,” Wen Qing says as she wraps up both her lecture and her examination. “I’ll send a-Ning, too. Even if we can’t provide a proper banquet, a marriage deserves celebration. You’re family, Wei WuXian, and we’ll do our best.”

“Qing-jie,” Wei Ying whispers, sounding touched.

She offers him a smile and shoves his robes at him.

“If we could afford red silk, we’d throw a whole wedding. You don’t mind the others knowing, right? They’ll be very happy for you.”

Lan WangJi glances at Wei Ying, careful to keep his eyes on his face—he may be wearing trousers, but he might as well be naked and it’s terribly distracting. The look on his face assures him he doesn’t mind, so he nods affirmation to Wen Qing.

“It’s just some bruising, thankfully,” she assures them. “I’d put on salve, but I heard you discussing bathing at the river, so I’ll leave that for later. It’d be a waste to apply it twice.”

Wei Ying pulls his robes on, still red in the face.

“Right, a bath.”

His gaze is shy when he looks at Lan WangJi, who is trying to imagine how they’ll get through bathing together without engaging in some of the activities described by Wen Qing. 

Some of that thought must have been apparent to Wei Ying, because his face flushed again. 

Wen Qing snorts. 

“Not so shameless after all, are you? We’ll be sure to give the river a wide berth.”

Wei Ying’s response is to hide his face in his hands again.

“We will bathe separately,” Lan WangJi states, pulling Wei Ying to his feet.

Wen Qing just laughs at them.

When they reach the river, which is a short trek from the settlement, Lan WangJi insists Wei Ying bathe first, pulling the fragrant soaps he uses for his body and hair from is qiankun pouch for him to use. He knows they are likely a luxury, and he is happy to share it with him.

He plays his guqin while his zhiji bathes, starting with “WangXian” and moving into “Cleansing,” infusing the latter with spiritual energy. He is pleased when the resentful energy in the area eases, and hopes it helps Wei Ying as well.

When Wei Ying returns, clad in fresh robes, he takes his own turn to bathe. The water is chilly, but not inordinately so in the summer heat. He is pleased when the notes of a dizi fill the air, playing “WangXian” as well. Though he composed the song with the guqin in mind, the rendition Wei Ying plays on ChenQing is lovely. Lan WangJi is glad it has brought him comfort.

The notes shift into what he recognizes as “Plum-Blossom in Three Movements,” a song he rather likes but didn’t know Wei Ying knew. Lan WangJi has heard xiongzhang play it on the xiao and can play it on the guqin, though it was originally composed for the dizi. But he shouldn’t be surprised; Wei Ying is a master of the six arts and has displayed such with references to literature and poetry even in his playful moments.

The plum blossom is an apt symbol for the resilience of life on the Burial Mounds and for Wei Ying, who always endured despite the hardships he faced. Perhaps the song is an expression of Wei Ying’s hope, his faith in Lan WangJi. He wants to give his zhiji hope, longs to ease his hardships. 

When he has finished and dressed in fresh robes, he rejoins Wei Ying and asks if he may comb his hair.

He uses his own sandalwood scented oil, giving it the proper treatment.

Wei Ying is swaying slightly when he finishes, the pampering lulling him nearly to sleep. Lan WangJi longs to style his hair, to put it in the GusuLan style as though Wei Ying was marrying into his clan. But he is not, and so he refrains. 

Instead he brushes the hair from the nape of his neck, leaning forward to brush his lips against the soft hair there.

Wei Ying shivers and turns to him, pulling him in for a proper kiss before taking the comb and hair oil from him to return the favor. 

Lan WangJi didn’t expect the sensuality of his husband brushing his hair—husband. They’re married. Wei Ying’s deft fingers make short work of his tangles, gently spread oil to treat his hair, grazing his scalp in blossoms of sensation, love in every touch.

Wei Ying braids his hair, his fingers weaving the locks with care, and Lan WangJi lets him. He is not in Cloud Recesses, not required to wear his hair in GusuLan style. When it is finished he turns to see a flourish of red, Wei Ying having used his own ribbon to tie off the braid.

And so it is natural to braid his hair in return, to weave the sacred ribbon that usually rests on his forehead in his hair, leaving the cloud symbol at the top, adorning the top of the braid like a jewel. 

“Your forehead ribbon?” Wei Ying asks, startled, when he catches sight of the very pale blue ribbon tying his hair off.

Lan WangJi cups his cheek in his hand, moving forward until their noses are almost touching.

“Airen, you may touch it.”

A soft smile blossoms on Wei Ying’s face, and he rests his forehead against Lan WangJi’s.

“Airen. I like that,” he breathes.

They stay like that for a while, basking in each other’s presence.

[vimesbootstheory]

I looked back at my overdue books tag and wow I haven’t updated this since february. rough!

as a reminder, since it’s been ages: I’m reading along with a podcast called “overdue”, where they read one book per episode, and I rank the books and blog thoughts after each ten books.

I have been reading plenty since february, with occasional long stretches where I got stuck on this or that book. what held this post up specifically was how hard it was to get my hands on P.F. Kluge’s Eddie and the Cruisers, so I ended up reading farther ahead rather than delay things while I pursued Kluge’s book.

this is books 31-40. I am almost done 41-50 and might even be able to post thoughts later today, latest tomorrow, on books 41-50.

1. The Color Purple by Alice Walker

2. Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne

3. You Shall Know Our Velocity! by Dave Eggers

4. The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde

5. The Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury

6. The Crucible by Arthur Miller

7. All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque

8. Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides

9. Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

10. The Hound of the Baskervilles by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle -- I find Sherlock Holmes to be a very dependable kind of read. I know exactly what I'm getting into. It's never really going to surprise me, but it's also never going to be a chore. Love a whodunnit, especially when I don't know who, uh, dunnit. It's not necessarily ACD's fault that I'd already guessed most of the plot developments before they arrived (e.g. who the other person living on the moor was -- come ON, it's a sherlock holmes book! Of course he's around here somewhere), since it's one of the most adapted stories ever, so I probably picked up on that stuff unwittingly just because I haven't had my head under a rock for my entire life. I spent a lot of this book comparing it to adaptations, not of Hound specifically but of Holmes in general. OK, mostly the Moffat adaptation and House MD. Why did we have to decide as a society that Holmes is an unrepetent asshole, the real version wasn't half as bad as the 21st century versions, jeez Louise.

11. Life of Pi by Yann Martel

12. Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes

13. The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde -- This is tricky because it's a well-crafted, well-written book about a lot of unpleasantness about unpleasant people. There aren't any likeable characters in Dorian Gray and I don't think there's meant to be, so it's hard to wield any objective criticism about that. Dorian is not someone I really wanted to spend much time with, and he doesn't really compensate by being exactly interesting. The opposite of most compelling lead characters, I kept hoping he would finally answer in some way for being such an awful brat, and then the universe kept arranging itself around him for it all to work out (the most egregious example being the accidental shooting of James Vane). Which is an implicit part of the premise, I suppose, so again, not like it's an objective fault. It was frustrating, though. I don't usually comment on the Overdue podcast episodes here, but I found it hilarious that the hosts talked about seeing the gay influence only with the knowledge of Wilde's own orientation -- what are you TALKING about, this is the gayest book I have EVER READ. Not always in an enjoyable way, though? I don't like m/m age gaps and the face that much of the "admiration" was directed from adult men to the 20-yo (or 20-yo-looking) Dorian Gray was not my favourite. Also must mention the epigrams -- so many epigrams! They were fun to start off with but I got tired of them, the way it seemed that Lord Henry only ever spoke in epigrams. This is not how people speak.

14. A Lesson Before Dying by Ernest J Gaines

15. The Turn of the Screw by Henry James

16. A Visit From the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan -- This was definitely a weird read, and it took me ages to get through it. As in, even longer than it took me to get through Fifty Shades of Grey. That's not necessarily indicative of the amount of joy I ultimately got out of it, mind you. I was just initially very turned off by the concept -- I was into the book when I thought it was about a kleptomaniac record company assistant person, and then less enthused when the focus shifted to her boss (inexplicably addicted to stirring flakes of gold into his coffee to get his missing libido back), and then disoriented and annoyed when it shifted AGAIN to one of his acquaintances when they were in high school and mutually into the punk music scene. One, this disallowed any opportunity to grow attached to anybody, and two, I was pretty ready to add "music industry" to a list of novel backdrops that I don't give a fuck about. And that's honestly still true, and the head-hopping never stops throughout the book. It's an interesting gimmick, switching perspectives to a tertiary character in the last vignette's main character's story. A little Cloud Atlas-y, but without the embedded fictional status. But a gimmick is, at the end of the day, a gimmick, and ultimately the only benefit of the head hopping is that it allowed that old broken-clock-that's-right-twice-a-day phenomenon of happening to alternate chapters I didn't give a fuck about with some real gems. My favourite was the story about the aging pop star who, in one of the more larger-than-life chapters, is asked to be publicly seen with a genocidal dictator in order to improve his public image. I also enjoyed the homeless guy who gives his successful friend a fish gift to spite him and rich guy ways. And the two autistic siblings (the book says only one of them is autistic, but come on) who are obsessed with pauses in songs. And the whole chapter about the safari when somebody almost gets killed by a lion. All entertaining shit, if briefly. There's no emotional engagement to be had here, though.

17. Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

18. World War Z by Max Brooks

19. Eddie and the Cruisers by P.F. Kluge -- The book that held everything tf up. I think I conceptualize this book more in terms of how hard it was to get my hands on versus any of the actual content, but that is in part because the content is pretty middle-of-the-road. It reads very much like a movie, and it’s trying so hard to evoke a certain era and a certain kind of cool that it’s easy to get a bit embarrassed on behalf of everyone involved. The dialogue is particularly movie-esque, especially at the beginning, before you get that Wordman’s whole shtick is that his words come out poetic without any real effort.  I liked its themes of the dangers of looking back on the past, and its embrace of the power of nostalgia. I did not care for its (era-appropriate, but still) homophobia and racism without in-text condemnation, and I didn’t like how it treated women like objects. There were a lot of “sexy lamp” woman characters in this. The central (... sorta?) mystery is very oddly handled, such that it took me ages to realize that the book was actually trying to portray a mystery and not just some guy exploring his past and reconnecting with old chums. I will say, part of the end was spoiled-but-not for me, to the book’s detriment, in that I saw the concept for the movie adaptation’s sequel (in which Eddie is not dead after all??) and thought it was just the sort of ridiculous premise for a straight-to-video sequel. And then the book started hinting that Eddie genuinely wasn’t actually dead, and I was so incredulous that it tainted my enjoyment even when it all turned out to be a purposeful misdirect.

20. The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr & E.B. White

21. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson

22. No Exit by Jean-Paul Sartre -- I love a play, and I'm such a sucker for a high-concept, dialogue-heavy play that gets across a thought-provoking idea in a relatively short amount of time. While reading this, I found myself most engaged with trying to test the validity of the concept as an effective form of hell. Where it falls down, I think, is with Inez -- Inez is the primary source of mental torture for the other two, but more notable to me is that she seems to have been let off easy in terms of her own torture. Her torture seems to be... the presence of straight romance? Which, as a fellow gay, I get it, but if the presence of straights is hell then that says some dark shit about day-to-day life.

23. Battle Royale by Koushun Takami -- This book was gripping but not particularly good. I think its biggest detractor for me is that it's very gory, to the extent that I wondered on several occasions whether the author might have a snuff fetish. That's what it read like, it read like the snuff fetishist fantasy of a teenage boy. The cast is way too big, with the bulk of the scenes far too easy to excise without impact on the rest of the story, simply by reducing the initial class size from 42 to something more manageable. This made it seem even more like the point of the book was to read about kids dying, because with most scenes, you know they're not a main character nor one of the main antagonists so you know the scene will probably end with them dying, with a lovingly phrased description of what their eyeball looks like when it's split open, or something. All the talk about schoolboy/girl crushes made it very tricky to relate to pretty much any of the characters, not only as a 30-yr-old aro but just because a lot of characters had crushes on other students that they'd never been seen to interact with, yet their primary emotional connection is often to this off-screen person that they think is good-looking. Very hard to give a shit about any of that. The use of rape as drama was awful, and the book is pretty homophobic -- my favourite (in that I hated it) detail in that vein is that the only openly gay character has the skill of being stealthy because he has experience in stalking all his unrequited crushes. Predatory gay trope, hoorah. Anyway, I did find this book entertaining but there was a lot wrong with it.

24. Dune by Frank Herbert

25. The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L Frank Baum

26. Tiny Alice by Edward Albee

27. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck

28. Medea by Euripides

29. Antony and Cleopatra by William Shakespeare

30. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

31. The War of The Worlds by HG Wells

32. Don't Go Back to School by Kio Stark -- This is the perfect example of why it can be silly, at times, to read through someone else's to-read list, as I am doing with this project. 'Don't Go Back to School' is not for me. I'm in healthcare, for which not going to school is not an option. To be a speech-language pathologist, you have to get a master's in speech-language pathology. That is in no way optional. So I spent the bulk of this book feeling very much like the author and the interviewees were talking to somebody else, and I just happened to be listening in. I got through it by thinking of my sister, who at the time of reading this was briefly considering going back to school; and of thinking of a tiny corner of my mind that admitted that I might not want to be a speech-language pathologist my entire life -- I could go into writing, or sound engineering, or something to do with computer hardware? Nothing immediate. Anyway, all of these interviews are all saying basically the same thing, all of which are summed up in the introduction, and the rest of the book is just kinda... proof? Like, here, look at these twenty or so people who made it without going back to school. You can do it too! Ironically the most useful part of the book is the only part I did not really read, i.e. the resource charts at the end.

33. Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger -- Even though the short story 'Franny' and the novella 'Zooey' are very closely related -- about the same characters, with the latter closely following the former chronologically, so it reads like the very long cold open to a book with one relatively short chapter followed by one ridiculously long one -- I do kinda wish that I'd let myself rank the two parts separately. Franny, I enjoyed pretty OK. I was enjoying the criticism of Lane, with all his pretentious ways and his pointless cynicism, and Franny's inner turmoil was interesting even if I did not really understand the root of it. 'Zooey' has a lot of the same ideas but spread a lot thinner and with a lot of time spent with the truly unpleasant Zachary "Zooey" Glass. He's such a bully, he's awful to read. He couldn't hope to win any sympathy from me once he called his poor mum "Fatty". The characters are so wrapped up in academia and I could not give two fucks about academia now that I'm out of it. All the religion talk totally lost me. And of course, a classic Salinger complaint: nothing fucking HAPPENS.

34. The Unnamable by Samuel Beckett -- ... Huh? OK, so. Stream-of-consciousness really isn't my thing. I will say, I liked the rhythm of the writing in The Unnamable, and there were stretches of this where I was starting to form an idea of what was going on at the given moment and quite liking it -- I liked the whole part where the entity is living in a jar or pot or whatever and Madeline is the only person who knows it's there, it reminded it me of what it would be like if Small Gods by Terry Pratchett had a really directionless prequel. And then, of course, that plot is abandoned mid-thought. There are large chunks of this that I couldn't tell you anything about because they were so vague and so ill-defined that they really just went in one ear (... eyeball?) and out the other. This only ranks as high as it does because it's pretty short so it didn't take much just to power through it.

35. The Stand by Stephen King -- I've been waiting so long for the right opportunity to really, properly rant about this book that I'm a bit panicky now that the time has come around to do it. A huge factor in how this has been ranked hinges on how long it was -- it might (MIGHT) have ranked above Antony and Cleopatra if it were half the length. But as it is, I read the full-fledged 90s version (if you didn't know, there are two versions of The Stand, one that is set in the 70s and one that is set in the 90s and is about 400 pages longer) and it's just. It's so fucking long. It's two Harry Potter 5s end-to-end. It is inexcusably long, and the greatest argument I've ever seen for the necessity of editors in the publication process. More than that, it's the greatest argument I've seen for the necessity of a second draft, because honest to god, this monster reads like a first draft. All the other books I've read for this project before, whatever their faults, still feel like on the level of the writer's process, at the very least they've been through a couple of drafts. This does not, it truly doesn't. I was pretty embarrassed for King at multiple points reading this, with the sort of second-hand embarrassment I would get first-hand if someone dug out one of my old unfinished novels and published it. It's THAT unpolished. I'll list a couple of its sins to get them off my chest: - It's racist -- This has already been said by people much more informed than I, but yeah. Pretty dang racist. Mother Abigail is the epitome of the "magical negro" trope; the black junta sequence is a whole big barrel of YIKES so egregious that "big barrel of YIKES" doesn't really do it justice; too many pointless invocations of the N word to count; and what exactly is the fucking point of making Larry a guy who sings like a black guy but... is not a black guy? Just write a black character instead of bending into pretzels making the character white, what's wrong with you? - It's sexist -- I was pretty sure for most of the book that this is a novel that hates women -- oh Rita, you deserved so much better -- but what really clinched it was a) the fact that the story never checks in with Frannie and Lisa once while the arbitrary group of white dudes treks over to Nevada, and b) the fate of Nadine, whose whole character arc leads up to her being raped into catatonia and turned into essentially a walking womb. - Lazy plotting is wrapped up in incredibly clunky religious allegory -- And it's barely allegory, King just comes out and says "Mother Abigail represents good and talks to god, and Flagg represents evil and maybe he's a demon or the devil or something idk". There are multiple points in the story where King just explicitly tells the reader what plot points or characters "represent" according to the intended reading, and that's really embarrassing. Most of the plot does not seem have its own internal reality or logic, things just happen because King needs them to happen, and then he blames it on quasi-supernatural plot elements. I hope that if he had run through a couple more drafts this might have been a facet which was ironed out, but maybe not. And of course, this is all capped off by a pretty literal deus ex machina with God actually intervening and blowing up the bad guys. - It's also fatphobic (exhibit A: Harold and how his improving estimation in the eyes of the BFZ rises is paralleled by him losing weight) and homophobic (Harold may be a lot of things, but at least he isn't a queer, huh? Also Stu being a complete fucking moron about lesbians and the narrative/other characters entirely failing to set him straight on that.) It's nooooot gooooood, it's a really shitty book. I will say that I liked the first third (i.e. the progression of the epidemic) a lot more than I liked the rest of the book, but the good will built by the first third was completely lost several hundreds of thousands of words later. This was the first book where I started to question whether I really wanted to continue with this project, or at least whether I could rationalize a DNF when I really couldn't stand (oho) to continue reading. But I finished it anyway. And it sucked.

36. Grendel by John Gardner

37. Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut

38. Persuasion by Jane Austen

39. Beowulf by Unknown

40. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown