#AND TOLD ME MY LIFE WOULDN'T BE WORTH LIVING IF I DIDN'T FORGIVE HER

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fun fact! did you know that reddit reading comprehension is at least almost as abysmal as tumblr reading comprehension? they aren't any better than us!

[punkshort]

In Another Life | Part III

Pairing: Marcus Acacius x f!reader (time travel au)

Chapter Summary: It's your last day together with Marcus and you're going to make it count.

Chapter Warnings: language, SO much angst, fluff, smut (18+ MDNI), unprotected piv sex, food consumption, time travel?

WC: 6.3K

A/N: thank you @txtattoostark for beta'ing ❤️

Series Masterlist

Time stood still when you looked at your phone the following morning, you were certain of it.

The mighty General shall be out of your hair b4 you know it.

The words left a pit in your stomach, making you feel sick. How didn't you think this through? What happened between you was fast, sure, but not one time the night before did you pause to think how hurt you were going to be when Marcus left.

It wasn't like he was going to a different state or country. He would be gone for good. Never again would you know the feel of his lips or hear the deep rumble of his voice.

"Good morning," Marcus said from behind you, slipping his arms around your waist while you cooked eggs for breakfast. You flipped your phone over and turned around in his arms, pressing a firm kiss to his lips that lingered to the point where the eggs burned a little, but it was worth it.

You hadn't checked your phone until he went to the bathroom to wash up and you had breakfast underway, but you had already decided not to tell him. If you didn't speak it into existence, then maybe it wasn't real.

"Good morning," you said shyly, giving him one last quick peck on the lips before scooping eggs and sausage onto plates for you both.

"Was your superior quite angry with you?" he asked while he attempted to help you with the toast but ended up burning his fingertips.

You shook your head and picked up both plates to take to your small kitchen table.

"Nah, I never call in sick," you told him with a smile. "Besides the park, what did you want to see today?"

He settled next to you at the table, one hand dropping casually to rest on your leg while he picked up his fork with the other. "To me it does not matter, so long as it is with you."

You grinned and felt your cheeks warm. "You know, you said you didn't have much experience with romance in your life but you could have fooled me. Every word you say is romantic."

He chuckled and dropped his gaze to his plate, feeling a bit shy. "Does simply wishing to spend time with a lover make one a romantic?"

You shrugged and nodded. "Kind of. At least, in my experience."

Marcus hummed and leaned over to press a kiss against your temple. "We must change that, my lady."

"Oh, yeah?" you replied, turning to lock your lips with his. His grip on your thigh tightened when he heard the little noise escape from the back of your throat and you squirmed in your seat. "Well, you've changed a lot, already," you said breathlessly when you finally pulled away. He grinned and leaned forward to chase your lips, making you giggle and toss your arms around his neck.

Before you even had a chance to register the noise, the front door unlocked and swung open.

"Morning! Why are you still - oh, gross," Danny said when he turned from closing the door and saw the two of you intertwined.

Marcus withdrew his arms from around you and stood solemnly with his hands clasped in front of him.

"Daniel, I apologize," he said, his voice deep. "Courtesy demands I request permission from a lady's father, or in this case, closest living male relative, before pursuing her. I hope you can forgive me for my transgression." Marcus bowed his head and you quickly stood up, waving your hands in between them.

"No, no, no, you do not need my little brother's permission, Marcus," you told him. Danny folded his arms together and stifled a laugh.

"I don't know, Sis, I think he's onto something. Maybe if more guys went through me, you wouldn't be left on read so much."

"Shut up, Danny!" you seethed, fists clenched at your sides.

Marcus just looked back and forth between you, trying to keep up.

"I'm just kidding! Marcus, it's totally fine," Danny said, clapping him on the shoulder before slipping into the kitchen for your leftovers. "If you really want to spend your last day in the twentieth century with my sister, don't let me stop you. I mean, personally, I would have picked the girl who works at the Java Hut, or maybe the one at the comic book store..."

Both of you tuned him out when Marcus absorbed what he said.

"My... last day?" he questioned. You swallowed and nodded.

"He texted me last night but I didn't see it til you were in the shower," you said quietly, gaze dropping to the floor. "I'm sorry. I didn't know how to tell you."

"Oh," he said softly, eyebrows pinching together in thought. And just like that, the fun, playful mood between the two of you vanished only to be replaced with despair.

"We can still do exactly what we said we would do," you assured him while Danny kept talking to himself in the kitchen, adding to the long list of people he would rather spend his last day with other than you.

"Of course," Marcus replied, but you could see the distant look in his eye. It was probably the same one you had when you first read Danny's text.

"Let's just... enjoy what time we have left."

He nodded and inhaled sharply, avoiding your eye while he processed everything he had just learned, both of you too nervous to say what you really wanted to say.

"Why aren't you working?" Danny asked, emerging from the kitchen with a piece of buttered toast.

"I called in sick."

He nodded, not even questioning it before heading to his room. "I'm gonna get some shut eye and head back over to Lizard's later. Gotta run a few diagnostic tests before we send you home, General."

His words were like taking a bullet. Appetite suddenly gone, you sunk down into your chair and tried not to let your emotions show but he must have sensed it because Marcus was sitting down next to you with one arm around your shoulders and the other on your thigh.

"We still have today, cor mea."

You sniffled and leaned into his shoulder, hiding your face against his neck. "You said that yesterday, too. What does it mean?"

You felt his lips on the top of your head before he answered.

"It means, my heart."

Tears stung your eyes so you quickly closed them, doing your very best to remember everything about that moment. The way he smelled, all fresh from his shower, the roughness of his hand against your skin, the sound of his heart beating soundly in his broad chest.

Don't go, you wanted to beg. Please stay with me. But you couldn't bring yourself to do it. Was it ridiculous to want a man you just met to leave everything behind and stay with you? In a world he knew nothing about? Even if you did ask and by some miracle he agreed, would you be able to make him happy? Would this world make him happy?

No, you couldn't ask that of him. He had a whole life waiting for him in Ancient Rome.

You took a deep breath and reluctantly extracted yourself from his arms.

"Okay," you said, quickly swiping at your eye. "Let's go check out the park and once we're done, we'll see what else you want to do."

He nodded, helping you clean up from breakfast while pretending not to notice how red your eyes looked, but by the time you were both ready to leave your apartment, you had collected yourself. You refused to spend your last day together wallowing in misery.

You were going to make sure it was perfect.

"This place is magnificent," Marcus said breathlessly, unable to tear his eyes away from the rich greenery surrounding you while dodging tourists laughing and posing for pictures. Nearby, bicyclists and joggers zipped by and dogs barked, pulling at their leashes to get at one another while their owners struggled to rein them in but as far as the two of you were concerned, you were the only ones there.

"C'mon, this way," you said, looping your arm with his and leading him off a different path. The smile was permanently stretched across his face the entire time, especially when you had to come to an unexpected stop so a carriage led by a massive Clydesdale could pass by on the trail.

"That horse looks double the size of the horses back home," he remarked in awe when you resumed walking.

"There's all sorts of different breeds," you explained, "we'll probably see a few more before we leave."

You could hear water trickling and you grinned when you looked up at him. "Almost there."

When you finally emerged from your shaded trail to view the massive fountain, Marcus couldn't believe his eyes. He skid to a stop and just stared in wonder at the shallow water surrounded by people eating lunch, families taking pictures, couples sitting close together and children running and playing. Slowly, his gaze drifted around the wide open space, taking in every feature, every flower, every stunning piece of architecture until you finally tugged on his elbow.

"It's called the Bethesda Fountain," you said, pointing to the statue in the middle. "It's an angel, see?"

He nodded, eyes wide with wonder. "She is... beautiful," he whispered, looking like he was in complete awe of the stone statue of the angel draped in long robes with widespread wings behind her, looking over the entire park.

"I think she's holding her arm out as a symbol to bless the waters," you told him, pulling him closer so you could read some of the signage.

"This place is wonderful," he told you, twisting around so he didn't miss a thing. "I cannot believe a place like this exists in such a busy and thriving metropolis."

"Yeah, it is really amazing, isn't it?" you replied. You had lived in New York for so long that you realized you had grown numb to some of its wonder, but seeing it through Marcus's eyes felt like you were seeing it for the first time again.

"You are fortunate to live here," he said, finally looking down at you. "I have never seen a place so grand and spectacular in all my life."

You grinned and stretched up on your tiptoes to give him a kiss. "Looks a lot better with you here," you said with a wink, and you swore you saw his face flush a bit.

The pair of you found an empty bench and sat down for a while. You leaned your head on his shoulder and he hooked an arm around you as you quietly watched the city pass you by.

"Thank you for sharing this with me," he murmured as he nuzzled the top of your head. You titled your face up to give him a smile.

"I think this is the most fun I've ever had in this city."

He grinned, his eyes crinkling and his one cheek creating a dimple that you found too irresistible not to kiss, so you did.

"Would you like to just spend the day here or do you want to see something else?"

He looked around the park again with a deep sigh and you could feel his body relax against you. "I am content to do anything, so long as it is with you."

You thought about it for a moment before pulling out your phone and tapping away.

"There's a museum not too far from there that has an exhibition on Ancient Rome," you said. His interest was piqued and he squinted down at your phone. "Would you be interested in that? You could teach me something," you told him with a poke to his ribs. He chuckled and shrugged.

"I fear you are too brilliant for me to teach you anything, but I am intrigued."

You giggled and stood up, hauling him to his feet as you began to lead him back the way you came.

"We can grab something quick to eat along the way."

Marcus was very quiet the first ten minutes inside the museum. He silently read the informative plaques on the walls next to replicas of gladiator helmets and broken spears with his hands clasped behind his back and his expression unreadable. He studied maps and watched a video of a historian talking about the rise of the Roman Empire playing on a loop, and all the while you followed him from room to room, reading what he read and trying to see things through his eyes.

He had a proud smile on his face when you came to a room about the technological advancements of the Roman Empire and how it impacted present day. He had just finished reading about the ways Rome impacted the design of modern day roads and bridges when he saw the next display and his smile faltered.

"What is it?" you asked him softly. His eyes flickered back and forth between a photograph of the Colosseum and an NFL stadium with a little blurb underneath comparing the two.

"You still have..." he drifted off and pointed to the stadium. "Your people still fight to the death?"

Your eyes widened and you shook your head furiously, immediately picking up on the tension in his voice.

"Oh, no. No, Marcus. They don't fight, it's a sport. Nobody dies. The stadiums are just built to look like the Colosseum."

He nodded in understanding but you saw the look on his face. Something troubled him and it made your chest ache. You glanced around the room, noticing it was mostly empty, then stepped forward so you stood between him and the display. You wrapped your arms around his middle and rested your chin on his chest, drawing his attention down to you and off the photos.

"What is it?"

He gave you a sad smile and his arms circled your waist.

"There is something I have not told you."

Once again, your eyes flickered around to make sure nobody was close enough to hear before looking back up at him expectantly.

"Daniel and Victor found me because I was fleeing Rome," he said solemnly, and already you could see the shame in his face.

"Why were you fleeing?"

He pressed his lips together tightly before sighing. "I displeased the emperor. I refused to carry out his orders. Orders that would kill thousands of young men simply to make a statement. I could not do it, my love." His hands grew tighter around your middle and you swore you saw tears begin to form but he blinked them away. "As punishment, I was sentenced to become a gladiator. To fight for my life and their entertainment in the arena. So... I fled. I was a coward and I fled."

"You weren't a coward," you whispered, bringing a hand up to stroke his bearded cheek. "You would have died, Marcus. That's not cowardly."

"It was cowardly to not die an honorable death," he argued, but you shook your head.

"It's barbaric and wasteful," you told him. You felt him lean into your touch for comfort. "I'm glad you ran away. If you didn't, I never would have met you."

He couldn't resist. Marcus leaned down and captured your mouth with his, committing the feel of your lips to memory before he had to return home and face his destiny.

"C'mon," you said, stepping away from him and taking his hand in yours with a little smile. "Let's keep looking around."

He didn't let go of your hand after that. You walked together through the rest of the room, reading to yourselves about the architecture of Ancient Rome and how the buildings influenced the White House and the Lincoln Memorial when he stopped dead in his tracks and gawked at the very last photo.

"Is this..." he trailed off, reading the caption before looking at you in shock. "The arena still stands? This image looks to be present day." He pointed to the people standing around the outside of the Colosseum, specifically their clothes and how they looked similar to yours, and you nodded.

"Yeah, it's still there," you told him, wrapping a hand around his bicep as he continued to stare at the picture. "I'm sure it looks different and some of it collapsed with time but it's been maintained and well cared for. It's one of the seven wonders of the world."

He looked at you curiously and you smiled. "It's kind of a big deal," you explained simply.

His fingertips dragged over the glass like he couldn't believe his eyes.

"May we see it before I leave?"

Your face fell and sadness swelled deep in your chest. "No, Marcus, I'm sorry. It's too far away."

He nodded, catching the regret in your eye before dropping the subject and moving on. He would see it soon enough, anyway.

It seemed both of you were determined to keep the rest of your museum visit as light as possible. When you reached the area about art, he told you a story of an artist who created a beautiful portrait of him and presented it to him after winning a huge battle for Rome. With a smile, he told you how pompous he felt when he had it hung in his living space at home but he felt bad not honoring the artist's hard work.

When he excused himself to use the restroom, you sat on a bench and did something you refrained from doing since the moment you met.

You Googled his name.

The cell service was spotty and it took an extra minute, but sure enough his name pulled up some results. You picked the first one, quickly scanning down his multiple military accomplishments until you reached the end. You held your breath as you read the small paragraph, fearful of what you would find out but it was a question that had been plaguing your mind for the past two days and you needed to know.

General Marcus Acacius presumably died in 215 A.D. It was believed he met his demise in battle, however his body was never recovered.

Glancing up to make sure Marcus was still in the bathroom, you shot off a quick text to Danny.

You: What year did you set that time machine when you picked up Marcus?

You chewed on the inside of your cheek as you watched your text slowly go from delivered to read, then three little dots appeared.

Danny: 215 A.D.

You closed your eyes and sniffled before tucking your phone into your pocket.

How could you go through with this now that you knew you were sending him back to certain death?

You did your damndest to not let it bother you, but it was hard. Every time you looked at him you wondered what fate had in store when he returned and the pit in your stomach just got heavier and heavier.

You arrived home to a note from Danny reminding you he had to run diagnostic tests on the machine and he wouldn't be home until late, so you both decided to stay in for dinner on your last night together. Cooking wasn't your strongest skill but you could make a decent pasta. Marcus lingered and tried to help but it was evident he was used to others cooking for him, and that was okay. You didn't mind.

When you each sat down to eat, his left hand falling easily to your leg again as he picked up his fork, you had to bite your tongue from screaming stay, please stay. By the way he was glancing in your direction throughout the meal, you had a feeling he wanted to say something, too, but either didn't know how or was too afraid to pop the bubble you had found yourselves in.

After you ate, Marcus made a move to wash the dishes but you quickly stopped him. The time you had left now was too precious to waste on things like that. You didn't say that, of course, but instead you wrapped his arm around you so you could burrow into his chest. Neither of you said a word. You didn't need to. You could both feel each minute ticking away, bringing you closer and closer to morning. You closed your watery eyes and pressed your ear against his chest, listening to the steady thump, thump, thump of his heart, wishing you could somehow bottle it so you could listen to it when he was long gone and you were all alone.

You wished you knew what to say to make it easier, but you couldn't think of a single thing. You tried to put into words how he made you feel without sounding like a complete psychopath, but you came up empty. So you continued to stand quietly in your kitchen, holding one another close, breathing each other in and trying to savor every single second you had together.

He whispered your name so you forced your eyes open and looked up. His eyes were also shiny with unshed tears and that was all it took for your face to crumple and tears to flow freely down your cheeks. He quickly cupped the back of your head and feverishly pressed his lips against yours as his own tears began to fall. How would you be able to get up and make breakfast in that kitchen without thinking of him? How would you be able to ever wash your sheets for fear of losing his scent? Christ, how on earth would you be able to write that month's article without being institutionalized?

"Marcus," you sobbed before locking your lips together again. It was the desperation in your voice that made him bend his knees, grab the backs of your thighs and wrap your legs around his middle so he could walk you both to your bedroom without breaking the kiss.

With all the care in the world, he delicately removed your clothes until your naked bodies were tangled together in bed, hands roaming over each other's skin as if you were trying to draw a map.

"Do not cry, my sweet girl," he whispered while hooking one of your legs over his forearm. He tipped his head down for just a moment so he could line himself up with your center before focusing back on you. His thumb wiped the tears from your cheek and he gave you a sad smile. "It would be a waste to spend what time we have left crying."

You nodded and took a few deep breaths before wrapping your hand around the back of his neck and pulling him in for a deep kiss right as he sunk himself inside you. He groaned into your mouth and his grip around your leg tightened until his hips became flush with yours.

"Please, allow me to see you, cor mea," he murmured, and you hadn't even realized your eyes squeezed shut. You opened them and stared up at him looking at you like you were his only salvation. The words crawled up your throat and slid down to the tip of your tongue, begging to be said, but you swallowed them back down.

It was too fast. It was all too fast and you didn't have the luxury of time to figure it out. But what you did have was him, in that very moment, and you refused to waste it.

You bucked your hips up slightly, giving him the green light to move, so he did. He went slow. He took his time dragging the heavy length of him in and out while his mouth never left your skin. If he wasn't kissing your lips then he was kissing your jaw, your neck, your shoulders - anywhere he could reach, he left his mark. It was the type of mark that burned your skin and settled deep below the surface, flowing through your veins and directly into your soul. The kind of mark that made you want to say something your brain thought was incredibly foolish but your heart was screaming otherwise.

To distract yourself from your thoughts, you wrapped your arms and legs around him and tilted to your side. He understood what you wanted and rolled the both of you over so you were on top, gasping for air. The new position had him reaching a spot that made you see stars and you needed to take a moment to collect yourself before you began to move.

"Oh, fuck," you whimpered, tilting your head back towards the ceiling and shifting your hips ever so slightly. Marcus grinned up at you, his big hands sliding up your thighs to settle on your hips.

"You are so beautiful like this," he told you softly. You dropped your chin back down to look at him, your entire being vibrating with adoration. "You fit around me so perfectly, my love. Do you feel that?" he asked when his cock pulsed inside of you. Your jaw dropped and you nodded. "That is what you do to me. You make me harder than I ever thought imaginable, yet your beautiful body takes me so well."

The praise made your chest warm. You began to roll your hips slowly, savoring every inch of him inside you with your hands braced on his broad shoulders for support when Marcus groaned and leaned forward to catch your breast in his mouth. The feel of his prickly beard against your skin combined with the way he flicked his tongue over your nipple made your back arch and your face pinch with pleasure.

Without warning, Marcus sat up and wrapped one arm around your waist while the other braced himself on the mattress so he could rock his hips in rhythm with yours. Your mouths hovered over each other as you began to move a little faster, your gasps and pants mingling together in the otherwise quiet room.

You could feel the familiar crest building deep inside you and you tried to fight it. Marcus, ever attentive, quickly figured it out and frowned.

"Let go, my sweet," he ordered, but you shook your head.

"I don't want it to end," you whimpered, forehead falling to rest on his shoulder. His arm squeezed around you tighter and his jaw clenched, desperately trying to hold off until you found your release first.

"I plan on taking you as many times as you will allow tonight," he said, lips brushing against your ear and sending a shiver down your spine. "Please, let go," he urged, grinding his hips up against you. "My only wish is to take care of you."

Your heart rattled in its cage at his words, your body growing weak and melting into his hold, giving into his request far too easily. With a raspy moan that resembled his name, you reached your climax, body shuddering in his lap while he whispered words of encouragement in your ear.

When he felt you relax, he groaned and started to move faster, your slick coating his length more and more with each deep thrust. You tilted your face from your spot on his shoulder to find his lips, your tongue plunging languidly into his mouth while he continued to fuck up into you. You had never felt so at peace than in that moment with Marcus. His presence was everywhere; his arms were wrapped tightly around your middle, pressing your sweaty chests together so close, you could feel his heart beating in time with yours. His spend, thick and sticky, was leaking out of you and down his shaft after he came. He was so warm and strong and powerful that it had your head spinning and your heart aching for more. And that is exactly what he gave you.

Marcus spent the rest of the night worshipping you. He cleaned you in the shower only to make a mess of you half an hour later. He massaged your hips and legs when they grew too shaky and weak. He held you close, lovingly stroking your hair when you needed a break. And when you finally couldn't keep your eyes open any longer, he wrapped you up in his arms and let you fall asleep on his chest, perfectly calm and content for the last time.

But it wasn't enough.

"Are you alright?"

You kept your eyes squeezed shut and you shook your head. Marcus sighed from his place next to your bed and bent down to tilt your chin up, unearthing your face from your pillow.

"Please look at me," he pleaded. You couldn't deny him anything, but especially so given you only had a few hours left, so you opened your eyes and gazed at him mournfully. He gave you a small smile and lovingly stroked your cheek.

"I will never forget this for as long as I live. You have given me something I never felt worthy of," he said softly. Tears instantly stung your eyes and your lip began to quiver.

"Don't," you whispered thickly. His eyes flashed with something you couldn't identify and he eagerly leaned forward.

"What?" he whispered. "Do not what?"

Don't go, don't go, don't go.

You were going to say it. You were going to be selfish and beg him not to go, to stay with you because now that you've had him, you can't imagine a life without him. And you fucking swore by the way he was looking at you that he might actually stay.

With your heart pounding nervously in your chest, you reached out for his hand and opened your mouth just to be interrupted by a sharp knock on your bedroom door.

"You guys in there?" Danny called through the wood. "We're all ready to go here. Lizard's waiting in a tow away zone out front, we gotta jet."

You swallowed the lump in your throat and forced yourself to get up, not catching the disappointed look on Marcus's face. You probably looked like shit, your hair was a mess and you hardly got enough sleep, but you didn't care. You tugged on a sweatshirt and pulled the hood over your head before taking Marcus's hand and opening the door. Danny was waiting, leaning against the wall looking at his phone, when you emerged.

"Fun night?" he asked with a wink. You shoved his shoulder and pulled Marcus down the hallway towards your front door, only pausing to grab his weapons and the clothes he arrived in.

"Did you call into work again?" Danny asked just to cut the unbearable silence that filled Lizard's fifteen year old shitty sedan. You nodded and continued to solemnly stare out the window. Marcus took your hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze but you were finding it difficult to look at him because if you did, you were certain you would burst into tears.

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, you repeated to yourself when you pulled up to the familiar split level, faded green home Lizard grew up in. You took Marcus's hand as you walked behind Danny and Lizard, each heavy step bringing you closer and closer to heartbreak.

"We'll distract his mom, you sneak Marcus down to the basement," Danny told you. You nodded and stared down at the ground, your unusual silence giving your brother pause before he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck and turned back around.

"Hey, Mrs. Delio! We're back!" Danny called extra loudly into the house. You quietly snuck in after them while they hurried to the kitchen to stop her from stepping out and seeing you before you could sneak downstairs.

"Are we in a dungeon?" Marcus asked when you turned on the light and he saw the concrete walls and floors with only one small window in the corner of the room. You were about to explain it to him when you spotted the time machine in all it's glory, sitting proudly next to the washer and dryer, and you froze. Marcus felt you stiffen next to him and he turned around only to sadly drop his gaze when he noticed what caught your attention. He twisted your body towards him and took you by both shoulders before taking a deep breath and looking you dead in the eye.

"My love-" he began softly, but then Danny and Lizard came rushing down the stairs. You sniffled and looked away so they wouldn't see how emotional you were, but Marcus pinched your chin and forced your eyes back to him.

"We're all set! She's heading out in a few to play bridge, she won't even notice we're gone til we're back," Lizard said as he began to power up the time machine, completely oblivious. You swallowed thickly, eyes still glued to Marcus and heart thumping so fast that you could hear the blood rushing in your ears.

"You ready, big guy?" Lizard asked excitedly as he opened the door and peeked inside the tiny vessel. Danny cleared his throat and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Give 'em a minute," he said quietly, and for the first time all week you felt thankful for your little brother. Lizard turned around, his eyes bouncing back and forth between you two until it dawned on him. He nodded before taking a few steps away to pretend to look at something on his computer with Danny in order to give you a little privacy.

"My love," Marcus began again, holding both your hands tightly in his. "It is difficult to put into words how I feel," he said, taking in a shaky breath. "I wish I were able to show you, but I do not have any talents. If I were a poet, I would write sonnets of your eyes. If I were a musician, I would write ballads of your laughter. If I could create art, I would sculpt and paint for hours to capture the essence of your beauty. But I am just a man, and my foolish words will have to suffice."

Fat, hot tears began to unabashedly roll down your cheeks and your eyebrows pinched together as you tried to memorize every single second before it was gone.

One tear fell from the corner of his eye and he gave you a sad smile. "I have never felt like this before-" he said, but you stopped him, unable to hold back any longer.

"I love you," you sobbed, not even noticing the way Danny's head snapped to look at you in surprise. "I know it's fast and stupid but I love you and I'm sorry but I couldn't let you go without telling you."

Marcus grabbed your face with both hands and pulled you in for a deep, breathtaking kiss. Both your lips were trembling and your tears were mixing together on your cheeks but it didn't matter. Nothing else mattered except the two of you in that moment.

He pulled back and pressed his forehead against yours before whispering, "And I love you, cor mea. You are my sanctuary. I wish to spend the rest of my days cherishing you and making you happy."

"Then stay," you begged, the words finally slipping past your lips with such earnest desperation, your voice cracked. "Please. Stay with me. Please-"

He pulled you in for another urgent kiss but this time, he wrapped both arms around you and pinned you tightly to his chest, pouring every ounce of emotion he had into it.

"Are- are you certain?" he stammered when he finally released your swollen lips. You gazed up at him with bleary eyes and nodded with a wide smile. You could feel his heart beating rapidly under your hand, which was pressed firmly against his chest, and he broke out in a huge grin.

"They couldn't have this conversation before I got a parking ticket this morning?" Lizard muttered to Danny under his breath, but Danny just elbowed him in the side, unable to look away from the two of you with a big smile of his own.

"I never thought I would feel happiness such as this," Marcus whispered in your ear, tears falling freely from both of you but for an entirely different reason now. You giggled into his neck, tugging him even closer, afraid to let him go even though he agreed to stay.

Danny clapped his hands, breaking the two of you up but Marcus still held you protectively against his side and you kept one arm wrapped around his waist when you turned to face your brother.

"So, no time travel today?" he asked, cocking his head to the side with a smirk.

"There is nothing left for me there," Marcus announced, the dread of being a disgraced man on the run or a gladiator becoming a distant memory. "Everything I ever wanted is right here. I apologize to you both for any additional work this has caused."

"No apology necessary," Danny said, squeezing Marcus on the shoulder good-naturedly. Lizard cleared his throat and took a few steps forward. You narrowed your eyes when you saw he was about to speak and quickly cut him off.

"I'll pay for the goddamn parking ticket, Lizard!"

He smiled at you sweetly, pleased he got exactly what he wanted. "So happy for you both, by the way."

You rolled your eyes and looked back up at Marcus.

"Do you want to go home?"

He smiled down at you warmly, his eyes dancing with adoration and happiness before bending forward to brush his lips tenderly over yours.

"Yes, my love. Let us go home."

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[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

You Call It Madness But I Call It Love

Chapter 2: Late Night Visitor

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter two of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 2.3K

Warnings: References to sex, Cursing (once or twice), Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, a little OOC,

Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. Reader is described as being "curvy." I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Chapter 1

*************************************************

1934 Philadelphia

The subtle scratch of your pencil against the smooth page of the sketchbook filled your quiet bedroom. One look at the ticking clock on your bedside table stated that it was past midnight, but you didn't care. The dark circles under your eyes the next morning were well worth it, tiredness forgotten as the haze of creativity dulled the weariness of the day you'd had.

It was your fifteenth birthday, and although your parents had thrown you a lavish party to prove that the y/l/n family had not been touched by the destruction of the depression and were not concerned with the horrors of war overseas, there was only one person that you wanted to be there.

Ben wasn't of course. He was still at boarding school number five, and you imagined that a number six was already in order, given his track record.

You smile to yourself when you think of your best friend. You hadn't seen him in two months, not since you walked with him to the train station and he tried to act like he didn't care that his father was sending him away again, but you knew he did.

The things that Ben's father said and did to him made anger surge behind your ribcage. You didn't understand how his father could be so callous, so uncaring. You also hate that it drove Ben to drink, though Ben didn't seem to drink quite as much when you were around, because he knew that you didn't like it.

The party would have been more entertaining if he was there. Yes he did tend to get drunk and flirt with whatever walked past him, but he always had a way of cheering you up. And he had a wonderful knack for keeping your mother at a distance, who prayed that Ben would stay away from you, but never did.

If he was there your mother wouldn't have hovered over you all night, slapping away your hand every time you tried to take a piece of cake or hiss something at you when you pulled at the itchy pink dress that she brought home three days ago, your least favorite color. When you got dressed for the party you felt like a porcelain doll in a China cabinet, made to be looked at, but never touched.

It wasn't too far off. Being the only daughter of one of the richest families that lived in Philadelphia your reputation and pedigree were two of the most important things to your mother. It meant that in a few years you would be married off to another rich family, have rich babies, and then put your own daughter through the same cycle of hell all over again.

Suitors were already beginning to trickle into your life, sons of your father’s business partners each screened by your mother before the introductory meetings where you felt bored, stiff,  choked by the thick fabric of the dresses your mother picked out, and plastered with makeup. All of course the best of Europe, which you had no idea how your mother managed to get given that there was a war on.

Ben was the only thing in your life that wasn't planned and you loved him for it.

You look up at the dark corner of your room to get a view of the long shadows that creep along the bedroom floor, and cut through the light coming from the gas lantern on your bedside table. You try to distinguish the sharp edges and smooth curves and watch them take shape beneath the ministrations of your pencil against the page.

Art was your only escape, the only thing you did that your mother approved of.

"A proper lady should have a hobby." She had sniffed, but then narrowed her eyes at the graphite and ink stains on you hands.

Part of the fun is the mess. You had thought to yourself watching her disapproving look.

A tap on your window makes you lift your gaze from the page and look towards the window seat that faces out the third story of your home onto the street below.

Ben is crouched there on the ledge that juts out only a foot from the outer brick wall a wide smile on his face that you can't help but return. You had been friends since you were both eight, when your parents threw yet another party and you found Ben in one of the side rooms trying to avoid his father. When his father tried to come in to find him, you lied and said you hadn't seen Ben.

And when his mother died two years later, Ben would show up some nights, scaling the large tree outside your window to stay with you. He never wanted to talk about it and you never asked, instead you talked about everything else until you both fell asleep.

You felt your heart thud loudly in your chest and a familiar warmth tracing lightly against your skin when you lock eyes with him. It was hard to be in love with your best friend. But you were, and you couldn't tell him. You didn't want to ruin the only meaningful relationship you'd ever had in your life. Ben knew everything about you, you trusted him and you couldn't imagine what it would be like to live your life without him, didn't want to.

Sometimes you hoped he felt the same way. When you woke up before him in the morning and the light from the window made his hair lighter and he held you close to his chest because in his sleep he had wrapped his arm around you. You liked to pretend that he did it on purpose, not just because there was barely any room between the two of you in your bed because now you both weren't as small as you used to be. You don’t know when Ben got so broad, tall, and muscular, but now it was impossible to ignore, especially being pressed against his chest when you woke.

 It was improper to be that close in bed together of course, but you didn't care. You didn't care what other people thought about him or you. He was your best friend, and although you wished for more, you wouldn't turn your back on him just because other people thought he was trouble.

Which he was.

You put your sketchbook down and go to the window to unlock it. "Ben what are you doing here?"

"I couldn't miss your birthday." He smirks as you take his hand to help him into your bedroom.

"What about school?"

"Wasn't a good fit." Ben pushes his dark hair out of his eyes and you try not to think about what it would be like to do it yourself.

"Uh-huh. What you're really saying is that you flunked out of another boarding school just to make it back for my birthday. Right?" You laugh.

"Thought it would be a nice birthday surprise." He leans forward with a smirk. "Would you like to unwrap your present?"

You roll your eyes and raise a hand to push him back, but he catches it against his chest.

"Come on. You're telling me that you didn't miss me? Not even a little?" Ben pretends to be hurt.

Of course you missed him. When he wasn't there it felt like apart of you was gone, but you couldn't tell him that. You knew that Ben didn't feel the same way. He was just flirty, all the time.

"No."

"Liar." He says. "How was the big party?"

"Oh it was the bee's knees." You snark. "I danced with Howard Stine and he stepped on my toes, my mother didn't let me eat and bought me a ridiculous dress-"

"Let me guess, pink?"

"Pink and ruffly. I looked like a giant cupcake."

"I'm sure Howard loved it." Ben sing-songs.

"Shut up." You punch his arm. "He's not that bad-"

"With a boring name like Howard, imagine how boring he'd be in-"

"Big talk from a guy named Benjamin." You interrupt.

The look in Ben's eyes darkens for a minute. "I'd be happy to prove you wrong."

You shake your head at him to stop the flush in your cheeks and avoid the way your breath catches in your chest at his words.

It would be so easy to give in to him, but you knew that Ben didn't see you that way. Ben had chased after anything and everything that caught his eye. If you were to give in, you were afraid of what would happen after. Ben was your best friend and if you crossed that line what would it mean?

"You're incorrigible."

"If that's another word for gorgeous then yes, yes I am."

You turn back to the bed and where your sketchbook waits, trying to calm your racing heart.

"But you don't want your birthday present?" Ben asks from behind you.

"What happened to you being the present?"

"I am a gift, but I did get you something."

You turn and see that Ben is holding out a package wrapped in gold paper a little bit larger than a book. Surprise momentarily spikes at the back of your mind. Ben had gotten you gifts in the past, but you hadn't expected one this year, especially since he just got out of boarding school.

"Did you steal it?" You ask, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Not this time."

You take the box from his hand and sit down on your bed to peel back the paper. "I can't believe you actually wrapped this."

"The saleswoman did. Now she was really-"

"Don't need to know." You shake your head with a smile, eyes still on the gift. When you finally pull back the paper you can't help but smile. It's a box of watercolor paints, a package of brushes, and a small pad of watercolor paper. "Ben-" You look up at him with a wide smile. "Thank you!"

 "Do you like them?" Ben asks hesitantly, he looks almost nervous.

"I love them! I've never tried to paint before."

"I know. I remember said you wanted to try. Plus I thought you could do some nice nudes of me in color-" Ben smirks.

"Ben!" You snort.

“I’m just trying to help you learn how to draw anatomy.” He wets his lips with his tongue arching an eyebrow in a challenge. “Of course there are more fun ways that I could teach you that.”

“Ben!” You flush bright red.

“Sorry. Sometimes you’re too easy.”

“I don’t know why I put up with you.” You shake your head at him with a smile.

An odd look crosses his face, but it disappears as quickly as you see it.

"Honestly, thank you. I can't wait to try these out." You look back down at the paints, admiring the silver box they came in.

"You're welcome."

Ben hovers by the window at the edge of your room as if debating whether or not he should stay. After all these years you noticed that Ben had trouble with the idea that you genuinely wanted him there. You knew it stemmed from his father's constant disapproval and his father's constant need to push him away, and it made your heart break for him.

And yes, maybe Ben did fill his life with brief flings and alcohol, but he was still your Ben.

"You’re going to stay right? Because you’ve already missed my birthday and I’d like to know how you got kicked out of boarding school number five.”

He nods once a small smile quirking the edge of his lips before he removes the dark jacket with the embossed prestigious logo of the aforementioned boarding school. It catches on his shoulders and you look away before he can see your blush.

“Are you hungry?”

Ben shakes his head.

“Ben, when was the last time you put something in your stomach besides alcohol?” You raise an eyebrow. He couldn’t lie to you and you knew he was only saying no because he didn’t want you to have to creep downstairs in the dark and also because he didn’t want to admit that he was hungry.

“Earlier.” He says it with a shrug, looking down at the coat in his hands to avoid your gaze.

“Well I was going to go see if I could find some of that birthday cake anyway. I haven’t eaten since this morning and all I had was half a grapefruit.”

“Another diet?” Ben frowns.

“Mother thinks I can slim down a little more. Says that I’d get more suitors if my hips were not so big.” You try not to dwell too much on it, you’d been dealing with your mother’s constant berating  since you were born. The corset you’d worn at the party was so tight that it left bruises on your hips and under your arms, but your mother had been pleased with how it looked. “She won’t be happy until I’m thinner than a chicken bone I suppose.” Instead of looking at Ben you stand and turn to look at yourself in the full length mirror in the corner. You never thought that your hips were too big or that your chest was, yes you were more curvy than any of your friends but you liked it.

"You shouldn't listen to her."

You shrug.

"I'm serious y/n. You're-" Ben stops talking.

"What?" You turn to look at him again eyes wide and open.

"Well you're-" Ben looks nervous again, tightening his hands on the dark jacket. He swallows. "You're not fat." Ben finishes.

"Well I don't think I'm fat Ben, but thank you." You can't help but be a little disappointed with his answer, you were hoping that he would say that you were beautiful.

My mother thinks I’m fat. You try not to wince when you think it, but instead you focus back on Ben.

"Alright, stay here. Try not to wake my parents up."

"Trust me that's the last thing on my mind doll."

*************************************************

Thank you for reading! If you'd like to be added to the taglist for this series let me know. :)

Taglist: @roseblue373

[jakeyzzz]

forgiven...

(angst/fluff) heeseung x f!reader oneshot

masterlist ! ♡

warnings - { mentions of cheating, mentions of alcohol and being drunk, swearing, crying, kissing, mentions of not being able to sleep }

let me know if I missed anything !

english is NOT my first language so please be nice !

🤍 1.4k words 🤍

...

You couldn't sleep. Your brain kept replaying the same scene that broke your heart into a million pieces over and over again. 

You've tried to forget about it. You've tried to forget about how he left with her. You've tried to forget about how he left you behind. But it was impossible. 

You were sitting on your kitchen counter late at night when you started thinking about how he must've felt in that moment. You wondered if he regretted anything. You wondered if she could make his heart beat faster than you could. You even started questioning if you were ever good enough for him. And as you were busy overthinking, you heard someone aggressively knocking on your front door. You got startled by the loud noise, and slowly started walking towards your front door before nervously looking through the peephole. 

You sighed looking at the Person standing at your front door. You felt your heart clench in your chest. But you knew you needed to hear him out. You had so many questions. 

You slowly opened the door, not able to look at the boy in front of you. You wanted to say something, but the words just wouldn't come out. ,,What are you doing here ?'' Heeseung leaned his body against the door, looking at you with tired eyes. He looked so exhausted. ,,I'm sorry...'' He mumbled. His voice was weak, and it was almost too hard to understand what he was saying. He was clearly suffering. But you ignored his apology. You couldn't forgive him that easily.

,,Did you drink ?'' 

,,No'' He lied.

Heeseung was a mess. He could barely stand by himself. He had been drinking a lot the last few days, since he couldn't deal with the pain and the regret he was feeling. But he knew alcohol couldn't solve his problems. It just made the pain more bearable.

,,Please forgive me'' Heeseung murmured, stumbling towards you. You tried to keep him up on his feet as much as you could, which was hard since he was pretty tall.  So before anything else could happen, you put his arm around your shoulder and carefully lead him towards the couch in your living room. You prevented him from stumbling over his own feet a few times and had to help him sit down, but everything ended up going well. 

,,You know it's not that easy, Heeseung...'' 

Heeseung sat on the couch with his eyes closed. You could see his lips tremble which made you realize he was trying not to cry. 

,,I know I fucked up okay ? I was just being a selfish asshole in that moment but I promise I never meant to hurt you. I never wanted to lose you. My life sucks without you in it, Y/N. I'm sorry. I'm s- so sorry please come back to me...'' He begged.

,, Yes, maybe you didn't mean to hurt me. But she did !  and you let it happen. Was it worth it, Heeseung ? Did it make you feel good ? Did she give you what you hoped for ?  Did you tell her the same things you told m- ''

,, Stop !'' Heeseung abruptly got up from the couch and directly looked at you as tears streamed down his face. He immediately felt bad for raising his voice at you when he was the one who messed things up. To him it felt like your words fully sobered him up.

He took a few seconds to calm down before slowly kneeling down in front of you.  He gently cupped your cheeks to make you look at him, and you decided to let him. You knew he regretted everything. And you knew he was sorry. But you wanted him to feel the same amount of pain he made you go through. 

,,No, Y/N. It didn't make me feel good. Doing this to you made me realize that you're way too good for me. You didn't deserve all of this. And I know I don't deserve getting you back, but I need you to give me a second chance. I love you with all my heart,  and i made a huge mistake. I'm sorry, okay ? '' 

Heeseung broke into tears once again as he talked.

You had to admit he was right.

He didn't deserve to get you back. But after all everyone deserves a second chance. And everyone makes mistakes. Making mistakes is a part of life. And he didn't deserve to be hated for being a simple human being. You did love him after all. Even though he hurt you, you never stopped loving him. 

,,I just really hope I can trust you. You're the only one i've ever loved, Heeseung.'' You murmured with a shaky voice. Without even wasting a second, Heeseung quickly nodded his head.

,,I promise you can. I won't hurt you again...''

,,Good because if you do, I don't think I'll be able to forgive you.'' 

Heeseung let out a relieved sigh before finally pulling you into his arms. He missed you so much. You gently wrapped your arms around his neck, breathing in his comforting scent. 

Oh, you missed him so goddamn much. 

,,i'm so sorry... '' Heeseung whispered, softly crying into your neck. You placed a gentle kiss on his temple as you caressed the back of his head delicately. Heeseung was finally at peace, and he knew the sleepless nights were finally over. 

,,It'll be okay. I love you...'' You said. Heeseung weakly smiled at you when you gently wiped his tears away with your thumbs. He closed your eyes at your touch, feeling incredibly happy to have you back. 

,,Y/N ?''

,,Yes ?''

,, ...Can I kiss you ?''

You smiled softly.

,, Please do...''

And then, your lips finally met. Your face was cupped in his hands as he kissed you slow and gentle. You wrapped your arms around his neck in order to pull him even closer to your body, which made Heeseung smile into the kiss. He carefully pulled you onto his lap and gently ran his hand over your thigh, then over your hip and eventually over your waist before wrapping his arm around it. He traced his tongue over your bottom lip before slowly deepening the kiss, making you feel butterflies in your stomach. Your hands were rested on his chest when he kissed you with more passion. He needed you to know how much he loved you.

  ,,No one can make me feel the way you make me feel, Y/N. ''

Heeseung whispered against your lips.

He gently brushed his lips against yours, not wanting to pull away just yet. He enjoyed your presence more than anything else. 

,,Heeseung ?'' You giggled. ,,Are you okay?''

Heeseung rested his forehead against yours, not able to contain his smile.

,,Yes. I was just enjoying the moment. I'm more than okay. ''

You smiled softly before quickly placing another kiss on his lips. You realized how much you needed him. Because in the time he was gone, you simply missed everything about him. You missed his kisses, his touch, the way he smiled and even his voice. Your life sucked without him. But now he was finally back in your arms, kissing you and loving you. 

,,Does your head hurt, Hee ?'' You asked, kissing his forehead softly. You knew Heeseung wasn't completely sober yet. You could tell by the way he was talking. 

Heeseung sighed loudly.

,,Honestly, yeah.'' He admitted before putting his head on your shoulder. You looked at him with a soft smile on your face as you pulled him into your arms. 

,,Let me take care of you alright ?'' You said, kissing the crown of his head after. Heeseung hummed tiredly. Before he could fall asleep in your arms sitting on the floor, you brought him to your bedroom. 

You put a glass of water on your nightstand for Heeseung to drink before quietly getting under your blanket. Heeseung was already fast asleep. You took the chance to watch his sleeping face silently as you gently brushed your thumb over his slightly parted lips. You couldn't help but kiss him softly.

  ,,You mean so much to me, Heeseung. And i love you more than anyone else. I hope you know that. '' You whispered, placing another gentle kiss on his forehead.

You could see a light smile appear on Heeseung's lips. 

,,I love you.'' He mumbled in his sleep, making you giggle quietly. You carefully sneaked yourself into his arms, trying not to wake him up. 

,,I love you too, hee.''

And only a few minutes later, you fell asleep in his arms. And you both hoped you would wake up next to each other for the rest of your lives. You were meant to be for each other. You felt in in your hearts. 

- end

...

taglist - { @aleiouvre , @wonbie ...}

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

tig characters/couples as ts songs - rebecca and tolerate it

not only is this my favorite taylor song ever, but it's also a song rebecca would relate to. i've been wanting to make this post ever since i first read this series because i immediately thought of this song when i first met rebecca in the books. its been a while since i first read the books, but i'm currently rereading them so...

too lazy to proof read (as always)

"i notice everything you do or don't do you"

rebecca spent her entire life looking after emily from the sidelines, watching her, trying to be like her etc. she knows everything there is to know about emily, but emily doesn't know her the way she does her. not only did she never even make an effort to, but she also convinced her that, out of the two of them, she was more worth knowing. rebecca's parents grew up dotting on emily while rebecca was forced to watch them pretend her away. emily is who rebecca wishes she was.

"you're so much older and wiser and i use my best colors for your potraits... and watch you tolerate it"

emily tended to convince rebecca that she knew best, and that her needs were more important that hers. rebecca couldn't date thea because she wanted to please her sister, but what about her? although the older part doesn't apply, the way emily acted around rebecca (based on the interactions rebecca told avery about and stuff) makes me think of the way an older sister/brother might make their younger siblings feel lesser than or like their opinions don't matter. emily wasn't older, but she acted like she was, and made rebecca seem childlike (at least to me) (i can imagine her telling rebecca things like 'are you stupid, listen to me, i know what's best for you, people won't like you if you do this). emily's a master manipulator and it honestly wouldn't surprise me. rebecca clearly felt the need to prove herself to her sister. she made rebecca feel so insignificant and unworthy that not even her hair was hers. rebecca referred to it as 'out hair' when talking to avery because she can't ever have something for herself.

rebecca tended to ignore all the red flags because emily is her sister. thus, using her best colors for her portrait. emily would give her all of this advice and tell her she knew best, making rebecca sort of look up to her in a twisted, sick way. emily was so above rebecca in bec's head. not even emily's manipulations and hurtful comments and actions could change that.

rebecca felt the need to impress emily because of all of this, but emily didn't care. she was number 1, and rebecca always came second to her, no matter what. nothing rebecca did or said ever impressed her.

"i take your indiscretions all in good fun"

like i said, rebecca would ignore all of her bullshit and wrong doings because emily convinced her she was lesser than her. when you love someone so much, you tend to ignore the red flags because you don't want to admit to yourself that this person is actually no good, and you should leave them behind (like how people in abusive relationships sometimes have a hard time leaving their partner). rebecca couldn't imagine a life without emily in it.

everyone around her thought so highly of her, so why shouldn't she? if everyone else could forgive her so easily, why shouldn't she? emily's her sister, and admitting that she doesn't really see you as one and just sees you as an extension of herself is hard to admit to yourself. admitting that means accepting that you never meant anything to your own sister.

"while you were out there building other worlds where was i"

this is sort of the turning point for her. after emily's death, it became easier for her to accept that emily was a horrible person and hurt everyone around her (this is due to her seeing the destruction she caused in gray and jamie). emily got to live whilst she had to stand on the sidelines watching because "emily has a heart disease, she deserves it" or because "emily probably doesn't have long to live, but you do, so this is her time to shine". emily's death and her parents' reaction to it was sort of like a catalyst. her love for emily sort of turned into hatred, making her feel guilty because no one should hate their sister. she realized that she also deserved to live and that not everything emily says, goes. emily ruined her childhood, and her death is what made her realize this.

"i made you my temple, my mural, my sky, now i'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life"

i mentioned this before but rebecca grew up looking up to emily. she thought she was amazing and accomplished and everything someone should thrive to be. emily didn't think of rebecca the same way. she was conceited, stuck up and had this superiority complex. whilst emily meant everything to rebecca, rebecca meant next to nothing to emily.

"always taking up too much space or time"

this could be seen two ways. taking up too much space in her parents' lives or emily's. her parents were always dotting on emily, and completely ignored rebecca. she couldn't ask for anything without feeling like she didn't deserve the attention. this also applies to emily in the sense that emily had all of these things going on in her life, and she didn't really want to spend time with rebecca. she just liked to get her to do everything she wanted her to (she liked knowing she could manipulate the people around her to do what she wanted them to) rebecca needed her sister in her life, but emily didn't need hers.

"what would you do if i.... took this dagger in me and removed it"

rebecca finally starts to realize that emily is just a sick manipulator who doesn't deserve a second thought. she wants to get her out of her thoughts. she wants to forget about her and rip the dagger (that is emily) out of her mind. even now, after her death, emily is still managing to control her. the thing about being stabbed is that, by removing that dagger, you are basically harming yourself by letting yourself bleed out. that is why doctors recommend you to not remove the dagger when you get stabbed in order for you to not die of blood loss. the same applies to emily. by removing emily from her thoughts, she's removing her from her life. that isn't something you'd want to do to your sister even after her death and destruction. by forcing herself to let go of her sister, she's causing herself more pain because letting her go, even after all of the pain she caused her, is unfathomable to her. she can't live without her no matter how sick that is. rebecca has never really been her own person (she's always been an extension of emily), so, without emily, who is she? removing the dagger (emily) is removing a crucial part of herself. rebecca has always been emily 2.0 and not rebecca. the current rebecca is a creation of emily's.

this one was honestly super fun to make. i loved putting myself in her shoes and writing this. it's also made me hate emily even more.. hope you guys liked this (i'm really proud of this one).

[upthewitchypunx]

You all seemed very confused about my last post, trust me, I'm just as confused about the casting a spell that binds someone's sexuality, but I guess that's where we are.

Look, I try to be a compassionate person, but sometimes when you reconnect with someone who was close to you over 20 years ago and invite them to live in your home it doesn't always go well.

I don't like talking about other people's stories, especially online, but this has affected our life and our home and brought chaos into our space. So, this is my story.

This old friend seems to have it together, paid rent early and had a job lined up before they got here. It seemed they were having a bit of trouble adjusting. After a few months it was clear they were going through a mental health thing for the 3rd time in 2 months and making wild accusations and doing hurtful things like smoking cigarettes and massive amounts of weed when they know they have a lung problem and abandoning cats with no food or water or not paying all their rent or giving 30 days notice before they leave town, you just have to cut ties.

This was the last straw. The one before was 2 weeks ago when I was accused of thinking they wanted to use magic to steal my partner and that somehow because I knew stuff they didn't I was making them feel bad about it and that they think I think they just want to steal all my ideas.

I was compassionate. I stayed calm. I said I was confused, asked if she was okay. A few days later she came down crying to apologize, said she wasn't okay. We talked. I told her about the Oregon Health Plan and how she could get some help. She seemed grateful and she did and had an appointment lined up.

Then last week we left for Astoria for a night and she was there at 4 pm to bring a package in but by 1pm the next day when we got home most of her things were gone except furniture that wouldn't fit in her car. We didn't really notice the things gone at first and thought maybe she had gone on a little trip because the cats were still here so we fed them and got them water, then messaged her after a few days. She claims she had a medical issue and called an ambulance. Then her family came here and towed her home. The time line doesn't make sense. Her family is a 12 hour drive away. How long was she in the hospital? How long did it take to pack her car? Why did she leave the cats? Why didn't she tell us on her own about the medical emergency?

I'm a pretty forgiving person, especially if the person is honest and isn't trying to take advantage of me. It often bites me in the ass, but at least I know I can sleep at night and treat people to my own ethical standard until I hit a point.

Last night we got more confusing messages declaring we actually wanted her cats all along and the whole binding her sexuality thing. We decided that it wasn't worth putting effort into this relationship, she's with her family now, we aren't getting blood from a stone, and that we had done as much as we could, calmly said we were confused and hurt and will find new homes for the cats, and blocked her.

I don't usually air someone's personal issues online, but this is someone you will never know, they probably won't see this, I don't really care if they do, and this is my blog and this is an incredibly frustrating, emotionally laborious, and financially unexpected experience we are going through right now and I just need to vent.

I've already contacted a cat rescue about the cute nice cat and the hissing mean cat that won't come out of the closet. Now I need to get rid of a brand new IKEA bed frame, a couch, a big clothing rack, 2 poorly constructed book shelves, a TV, a bunch of clothes and shoes, a record player that doesn't work, a giant stack of new age books, and a bunch of other random shit.

Oh, and cleanse the house of that nonsense before finding a new housemate, which a friend of a friend is interested in.

All of this while we are working to make the shop on the first floor browsable.

Please do not make disparaging comments about someone who is seriously going through something. I don't need to hear it. It won't be helpful or have a point. I'm not mad, just annoyed and wishing people had better communication.

[baatarthefirst]

Person A knows they are in danger, especially after their last bodyguard got badly injured while protecting them, which makes them hesitant to accept Person B as their new bodyguard, because they don’t want any more people to suffer for them.

Queen Regent Amaya looked at this new body guard with concern. It was a surprise Queen Khessa sent this particular solder to guard her against the mysterious organization after her head. She knew the Sunfire elves paid their debts...

[-everyone is in danger!- The elf chose to believe her, probably reasoning it was better to risk disgrace than destruction. Amaya wanted to gear up, she would likely need her armor against Viren's magic, but she grabbed her shield and left the rest; a calculated risk that she was sure would bite her in the ass later.

It had, and then again it hadn't. If they'd spent time on her armor, had they lost a single moment to practically, Janai would've been too late. She made it up the tower in record time with that lava like form of hers, slicing Viren and some sort of magic creature in one stroke of her blade. As she laid on the ground, trying to catch her breath, she'd forgotten that the human was behind her, an armed human. An armed human who the guards would reasonably assume was a loyal soldier of the evil king.

In a split second, before Janai could utter a word, the guards and high mage attacked. The general put up her shield impressively quickly, managing to protect herself from the spears, but the sheer force of the magic blew her off her feet and crushing her hard into the pillar. Janai jumped into action, covered the unconscious human with her own body so she could explain.

They'd released her with her promise do do what she could to move the human armies back across the boarder. She joined her army. While her battalion was not there, she'd found a few interpreters. Through them she had a conversation with the leaders.

They explained the situation, she asked them if they'd thought it was convenient that unnatural magic moonshadow-like beings provoked every nation except Katolis after they refused the powerful mage's plan to attack Xadia. She followed up with the question of 'if the moonshadow elves attacked you, why are you attacking the sunfire elves', then 'he didn't tell you anything, and you just blindly followed him'. She saw everyone shrink with her line of questioning, eventually agreeing to go back and look into this. Everyone except Claudia, who disappeared, and Prince Kasef.

He wouldn't let it go and rode up to the gates of Lux Aurea and shouted a challenge to whoever attacked his father. Janai answered, she told him that they were not responsible for his father's injuries. He attacked, he went home on a cart. He was lucky to be alive. Amaya had tried to warn him.

She led the armies back, telling everyone she would investigate this further, and if Xadia was truly behind this...well they wouldn't expect an attack so soon after abandoning their cause. Amaya couldn't believe they went for it, but was glad they saw reason.]

...but still. Queen Khessa was repaying her debt by sending her little sister into incredible danger. Amaya was starting to regret keeping in touch with the elf. She dismissed the court to speak with the golden knight alone.

"You know my last bodyguard is fighting for his in the hospital, and he's the lucky one." Gren translated for her.

"I owe you my sister's life, my life, perhaps many more lives. It would be an honor to die for you."

"It'd be a loss to your people." If there was one argument Amaya could use to chase Janai away, it was her people.

"And to you?"

"And to me." She admitted.

"Your death would be a loss to me. I'm not ready to lose you, yet." Janai had a dangerously effective pout. Amaya could only sigh and relent.

"If you die, I'll never forgive you."

"Well worth the risk."

[forjustice]

"GRRRRRRRRRRETINGS, STARDUSTS! Are you ready for the third season of Secrets from the Stars? Oh, I'm so excited!"

The announcer's voice blares from the TV screen as Hikari flops down on the couch in her hideout, cradling the Charcadet egg she got from Ashe in her arms. She watches as the hostess lays out the rules--and smirks. So, contestants are to tell their dirtiest secrets on this show, and the juiciest one wins? Well, she can't enter because none of her worst secrets are PG-13, but...

"Everyone has a secret or two," she tells the egg; she knows Pokémon eggs like being talked to. "You will too when you grow up. You might even hide them from me! I wonder what the hostess of this show would think of my secret. Do you want to know what it is?"

The egg warms to her voice, and she gives a twisted little grin.

"So there's this big, vast expanse of information and connection in the world that we call the Internet. Through the Internet, we can play games, read books, watch videos and even talk to people. I like talking to people on the Internet. It's fun because unless you really like and trust them, no one has to know who you are. But it can also be real shit sometimes, because people can be assholes and think they can get away with it 'cause no one knows who they are. Well, the asshole I'll tell you about in this story wasn't so lucky...

"I had this really good friend I met on the Internet named Gracia. We've known each other and we've always wanted to meet, but we didn't do so until after my journey through Sinnoh. We had so much in common--we were both Yumean, we both were in all the same fandoms, we both loved to write and draw, and dare I say we even had crushes on each other. We were so much alike, we had all the same mental illnesses!"

The smile fades from her face as she remembers a particularly difficult time.

[suicide & murder mentions]

"Sometimes, when someone's life is tough, they don't want to live anymore. This can happen quite often with people who are mentally ill, and sometimes, they take their own lives. I remember one night when I was tired from having had only three hours of sleep and about to go to bed, and Gracia messaged me saying that after a fight with her parents she didn't see an end to how they'd disrespect her and she was going to end it that night. I knew then I had two choices: either put myself first, give her the number of a hotline and call it a night, or stay up with her until I knew she was going to be safe. I did the latter. I stayed up until 3 AM talking to her, calming her, reminding her of all the good things we shared that she could live for...And I didn't stop until she told me she was no longer going to kill herself. I saved her life that night. And do you know how she repaid me?"

Even the unborn embryo knows the answer wouldn't be good.

"She replaced me with someone who'd bullied us BOTH."

The commercial for Secrets from the Stars has long since ended. With the drone of the TV channel's main program in the background, Hikari completes her horrid tale.

"I couldn't believe it. Her actions told me she thought that night we shared was worth nothing. That she valued someone who hurt her in a way she'd previously said she couldn't forgive over someone who had only ever done right by her. But you know what? I decided that if she was going to completely disregard the fact she owed her life to me, she didn't deserve to live. I still had her address saved from the times I'd sent gifts to her, so I knew where she lived. And since I knew all her fandom interests, I had a good bet that she'd be showing up to the Game Freak store for the release of a new game we'd both been looking forward to--and I knew that place would be crowded. So you know what I did? I went to the Game Freak store in her area on release day, I found her in the crowd without her seeing me, and when everyone rushed into the building I pushed her down so she'd be trampled to death. No one ever even suspected foul play--let alone suspected me. And since I'm not stupid enough to do what that lady suggested and say something illegal on that gossip show, no one ever will."

Hikari turns the TV off, letting the end of the story hang in the air with its grim finality. The egg in her arms grows cold, as though it were left outside on a cold winter day. She glances down at the unborn hatchling, her expression mildly concerned as she sees a dark swirl appear in the center of the egg, growing bigger for a few brief seconds before shrinking again. When it disappears, she strokes the shell, finding it to be just as warm as before--and finding an unexpected message radiating from within.

I will take your burdens now, it seems to say. Be at peace. Be at peace.

Without thinking she holds the egg a little tighter, and as she does, she feels the tension in her shoulders relax and sees the Charcadet reds on the shell become tinged with the dark blues of a Ceruledge--a well-known devourer of grudges. Gracia and her betrayal seem so distant now, as though Hikari has aged to that golden fortieth year in which all the troubles of youth dissolve like morning mist...

She stands, and places a kiss on the egg when she puts it back into its fireplace nest.

She didn't ask for it to help heal her anger--but she didn't say no to it, either.

[justmel777]

Friendship break ups

friendship break ups truly are the worst when you have so many memories with someone you thought would be in your life forever. i was in line at mega market when i turned and saw her a few people behind me, very pregnant might i add, with the guy she claimed to always want to break up with and supposedly cheated on. We made eye contact and then just turned our separate ways, someone who I've sat outside the bathroom with when she had a pregnancy scare is now behind me about to pop and i had no idea. 3 years ago i answered her facetime call when she was crying because her and her man had broken up for the millionth time, we hadn't spoken in a few months because id learned of a few things she did that i just didn't align with, regardless i picked up the phone and gave her what i thought was good advice and invited her to EDC w me and arch since i felt like she needed to get away from her current situation. Little did i know she would try and pull what she did while in that big ass house with all those people. I trust arch and I'm glad he came and told me everything as it was happening real time but i almost felt like maybe she wanted to get the last say by trying to backstab me and then never speaking to me again. I haven't spoken to her, and she hasn't tried reaching out like she normally would when she sensed i was upset. She was never a girl's girl though, I'm still friends with her cousins and they all cut her off because of her morals as well. I may not be perfect but there are so many boundaries i think you should never cross or should even cross your mind. I'd never think about doing that to a friend especially one who drove to your house at 2 am after a suicide attempt and cried that she was worth living a beautiful life. She was there for some of my darkest moments too but that's why i thought we'd be friends forever, some kind of trauma bond i guess, that was me being optimistic. I hate looking back at pictures sometimes because half of them are with her and kristeen. I remember we started drifting when i started hanging out with Viv, Aran and Lindsay. I think she knew she wouldn't be able to put up a facade with all those girls the same way she did with me. I was sad about it at the time because i felt like having a 7-year friendship die just like that wasn't right and didn't want her to feel left out but when i look back now i realize it was a blessing in disguise. The universe was getting rid of all the toxic people one by one; it might have hurt at the time but i truly believe it was all for a much larger picture. a better picture. I hope having a baby gives her the purpose she needs to be a better person, even when everyone else called her a mess all i saw someone who was broken yet still so funny but also just lost, so lost. I tried to be there to pick up some of the pieces but as i got older i just couldn't anymore. It was time to grow up and she just seemed to be stuck in her past behaviors. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive her, i have such a full life now. Some friendships are better off dead.

[likemytearsinrain]

41 shayaris.

poems arising from the finest of my pains, my blood having bled dry on every paper around.

the evidence of a muse that left me heartbroken.

I delete them before I can read them yet i sink into the same hole I crawled out of.

poems I never gave to you. I liked round numbers and knew you'd appreciate a bigger number. I wrote and I wrote waiting for the 50th one.

I'd write it down neatly in a book, wrap it up in brown paper and gift it to you.

would've completed the collection today, what a shame it all stopped at the 41st one.

the Goddess of love, it seems, is against me.

I can't make friends and if I do, I don't know how to make them stay. And I do, then She snatches them away from me.

I've spoken to her. She told me she'd erase all my memories.

She's promised to bury every promise of yours that you couldn't keep.

She's promised that I'd forget your wretched eyes that never once asked me to stay.

I almost took her offer. But I didn't.

What a strange thing it is whatever I feel:

the compulsive need to forget you and the irresistible temptation of rebellion to remember you for as long as I love and as long as I live.

The candles burn, the lamps will go off any moment.

You still haven't returned. Nothing blocks you now, no barriers at all, and I want to believe that you've thrown out your phone in frustration.

But you haven't.

You were always the charmer and always the one who had everything be easier on him whether it was girls or critics or Her.

41 shayaris.

I want to tell them all to you. I want to hold your hand and cry about you to you because no one in this world would understand this abomination of a pain that terrorizes me and renders me unable to sleep.

Until it hits me.

You wouldn't too.

41 shayaris.

41 shayaris.

A life worth of love.

A love worth of pain.

And as I stand here, tarnished, bruised and drenched.

I ask for your forgiveness.

Forgive me.

I couldn't complete the assemblage.

— mehek // @likemytearsinrain

[ollieandwally4ever]

I saw a future with you. I saw us living together, making it happen. I saw us learning to forgive eachother, and learning how to be patient with one another. You became the mother of our daughter and even though you had hoped it was the other person's baby, it wasn't. Just like we deduced from both of the conception dates we were given. She came out beautiful, adorable, healthy, perfect. She's a survivor, just like you. I saw myself in that delivery room. With you the entire way. I wouldn't have left your side for a second. I would've greeted our daughter into the world with open arms. With besitos all around. She would know so much love. It'd be crazy. We would help eachother in every way possible I thought. Emotionally, financially, spiritually, even physically. I'm sure pregnant intimacy would've been very fun. But alas, none of that happened that way. I saw us moving into my place, and working after she was born to get us a place of our own. We would've had support from so many people, it would've been so comfortable. We would've thrown a baby shower. Taken cute pictures of your pregnancy, and even some for the scrap book to tell baby about it later on. There wouldn't have been shame, regret, or animosity. Just....love. we would've had alternating shifts. One early, and one swing. That way, one of us can always be with baby. And if you didn't want to work and just wanted to take care of baby, I would've done two jobs for you. You don't understand just how down for you I was. Or maybe you did. That's why you'd only use me for money. You stopped the intimacy a few months after you realized you were pregnant, and chose the other person. You started treating me like I was the enemy. Like I was the one against you but that couldn't be farther from the truth. I saw potential in us still. I saw so many possibilities that all ended with you and I together. And in some way, it came true, but not as husband and wife, but as Co-parents. We strive for the same goal now, to give baby every opportunity we never had. But unfortunately, you won't let her have two parents under the same roof for her. You want to chase this person, cater to him, beg his forgiveness. You have and always will be run by your emotions. While I was away, you chose to replace me. To find someone else to make you happy. You threw away all of our memories and tried to forget. You call me your abuser. That I'm the reason your life is so difficult. And when I try to do nice things for you, I get rejected. Told I'm being creepy. You ask why aren't I dead yet. Why won't I just leave you alone to be happy? You have widdled down my own self worth to near zero. And yet, I cling to you. I cling to our promise to keep Ollie and wally together forever.

[prooverthinker]

My mother was right

she was right. of course she was. I told her to trust me, that I will make the right decisions. I am an adult now, right?

My boyfriend lived five hours away. We got a chance to see each other in person, but it meant we would have to share a room at a mutual friend's house. my family is religious, and my mom didn't want me to share a room with him. But it was the only real option available.

I was sure I was going to be fine. I've had sleepovers with friends and it didn't need to be any different. We're both committed church kids. We wouldn't get into any trouble. I don't want it to turn anything and I'm sure we have enough self-control to be fine. We'd spent time alone before and it never turned into anything. Eventually, my mom gave her seal of approval.

She shouldn't have. Her fears were well-founded. we didn't do everything. not by a longshot. but it was more than I ever planned. I didn't want to want it. I thought I was stronger than this. But given the first opportunity, I threw that all away. I wanted him to touch me and I wanted to touch him in return.

But I also wanted to be the good christian girl I was raised to be. I disappointed myself and would disappoint my mother if she ever found out. But more importantly, I disappointed God.

But it would be okay. It was a one time mistake. As long as we repent and turn around, God will forgive us. But we couldn't turn around. My boyfriend moved, and now had an empty apartment ten minutes from mine. Pandora's box was opened. Each day I would claim that it was the last time. I would turn my life around, I would do better. And then two days later we would do it again. I would repent and turn around, just to fold the next time he kissed my neck. Clearly my repentance wasn't genuine. Faith without works is dead right?

Did I even want to repent? I am not hurting anyone. How can this be the line that God cares about? Ruth and Boaz were freaky before marriage (uncovering his feet? In Hebrew that is a euphemism for other things). And song of songs was about an unmarried couple. Who even decides what laws are for the modern day and which are for the past anyway? We don't have the same risk of pregnancy and other consequences today than in the past. Because those rules were to protect us from those things, we don't need them anymore.

This reasoning didn't work though. I still felt dirty. I betrayed myself. I missed the person I used to be. But I also didn't want to go back. This was something special that I didn't want to lose. I loved my boyfriend, and I loved being close to him in a way I never could have imagined before. I didn't want to lose God but I also didn't want to lose what I had found.

I needed to talk to someone. But the only person I could tell was boyfriend. No one else could know what we were doing. But crying to my boyfriend about going to hell one minute and taking his clothes off the next, wasn't fair to him. It dragged him into my guilt. This was my problem, there was no point in making him ride the rollercoaster too.

So I didn't. After the first couple cycles of us fucking and then me crying, I just stopped talking to him about it. He didn't need to know that I cried. And eventually it did slow down. I started to feel less guilt over time. But I'm not over it. I still feel like I lost something that I can't get back. I will never be the person I was before, and I'm not sure if I was ready for that when I made that decision. I love my boyfriend and I wouldn't trade him for the world. But sometimes I wish I could take it all back and start again. Or maybe I don't. maybe it was worth it. I don't know.

My mother was right. The sleepover was a bad idea.

[agooberscanons]

"Shhhhhh, shhhh~" Monika rubs Sayori's back, her own eyes welling up. Sayori's known for so long... She almost can't believe that Sayori could hold all of that, for so long. And now Monika feels bad for doing her best to act like nothing happened, for nearly six years. "I can't even imagine how hard it's been, knowing something so terrible. I'm sorry. I'll always be sorry."

"Mmmph, aaahhh!" A sharp inhale as she tries to steady her breathing from all the sobbing right now, trying to wipe her eyes and push on Monika more. "It was really hard. Most of it was nightmares that I just played off until I was sure it was just that: nightmares. Then my powers started developing not long after and I could go back and check. I had to be sure it really happened because I thought there was no way those nightmares were the truth, ya know?"

Sniffle, snort.

"Moni, I wanna say...I'm sorry too. I could've told you way earlier once I found out. I was so scared that you either do it again if I brought it up or make my life a living hell that I just kept lying to myself. It was to stay a nightmare until I could forget or I could forgive. -Hic!- And I could never forget, no matter how hard I tried! I thought that my best friend, of all people, wouldn't destroy me over some...some boy that we both don't even remember much of now! Like, that's so telling of how far we all came, together, after you brought us back. None of us even remember him. Was he ever even really in love with any of us or was he just all playing us against each other?! How fucked up is that, either way??"

A tighter squeeeeeeeeze.

"We let someone come between all of us. Between what we all had together, just because...of stupid teenage crushes. Like, if anything, I'm so glad you didn't also just end the world there, Moni. I'm so glad you fought every waking hour to bring us back after realizing it wasn't worth it. I'm so sorry that I couldn't face you again as a true friend again until I was willing to forgive and finally spill my own secret. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry-!" And there it is, as she finally actually lets her last wall just crumble underneath it all.

"We could've been even closer than we are now and we're only now making up for all this time because I was too scared! Too scared of you! Too scared that I was the actual problem when we should've just talked it out somewhere quiet and safe! I can't make up the last few years that we've missed being so close again, but look what we did this year! We're all back together and texting daily! Yuri's making us all gifts and running D&D for us! Natsuki's bakery is doing great and we're some of her favorite regulars! You're getting out of your shell and really being yourself again! I'm helping those who need the help like I needed back in school! We can't make it up, but we can make it up as we go!! I promise you that!!"

She's just bawling and blubbering this all out. Sayori finally let her guard down truly for the first time with Monika in years and it's all just pouring out like a dam that finally just gave up and collapsed. Washing everything out and into the open, even if it's dangerous and scary to do so.

[pandaking8308]

So I'm just going to write till someone either notices or not. I'm probably doing the worst I have every done in life and have absolutely no support. I watch my mom kill herself at a young age and watched as my dad shut down. I didn't really have a good childhood but to me it was so much fun. Mostly drinking and drugs. I was able to get past that move forward in life, but like everyone's story, this involves a girl. We had a great life, well, it seemed great. I worked with our kids and lived very well. Both had jobs and were members of the school and the town. I was very happy for awhile then came the turn.

So about 5 years in I just couldn't belive her I watch her do shit that made no sense. I was accused all the time for cheating or lying. It was that way for almost 2 years then I left because she told me about I guy I knew she had slept with and guess what she did. She lied for 5 years about it made me pay for the two times I lied about going out and getting drunk which I lied a whole 11 minutes. Then came hell.

For the last 6 years we have still been fighting calling each other and trying to get over one another. I mean I have I just assume she is to. So what I mean about this being hell is one night had to stay at our house which became her house. Got in a fight she hit me I black out and hit her. I wasn't right even though I was blacked out I was wrong and it ate me up so much I started doing Heroine because I could stand what I had let happen. I lost my daughter and my step sons I lost everything all in one night because I couldn't stop fighting with her. Long story short went to rehab got better then went to prison because I was to busy getting fucked up that probation could wait. Nope 1 year and 3 days is how long I went. Was doing good till the call

She called me on my birthday when no one not even my roommate gave a fuck. I went seen her and it was nice till 3 days later same shit I didn't send her money fast enough she called and made me feel like shit about everything when my life is not in the best place right now. Not doing fentanly or heroine but coming close now that I had to block her and delete my FB. I'm already alone most the day and I don't have alot friends mostly because I had a family for a while. So last few days I've been sitting here wondering if I overdosed would anyone know? Would anyone care? I wasn't always so closed off but life has a way of doing that to you. I don't think anyone would care pretty sure I wouldn't even be missed. I have watched my life burn to the ground and I sit in the ashes remembering when I had a family and people who cared about me and I just can't seem to find a way to forget or forgive myself for all I let happen. Part of me wants to die really just so I don't have to do another day alone. Part of me wants to just fade away and hope someday I find something worth being on the planet for.

Truth is, I'm hoping for death just because who cares people die every single day with not one tear dropped for any of them. I wish I wasn't like this, but it's hard not to be. I know it's coming, so I thought I should write it down and see if someone reads it they might not feel so alone, and it could help because it's not with me. I'm alone, and it's just getting worse. I guess I just want something left in this world before I go that says how I felt if I do go out like a cowered. I felt like dying for all the love I lost.

[traumadumpletters]

E,

It's been 6 years since I made the mistake of calling you mine. I thought you were a dream come true. Little did I know that you would be my nightmare and a living hell and the source of all of my problems. I should have known from the beginning when you said you had feelings for her before you met me. You hurt me in so many unspeakable ways. I never should have kept going back because I didn't even love you anymore. I didn't want you anymore. You made me feel worthless for trying to move on and be happy. If I had moved on I wouldn't have the damn trauma and the baggage that came with being with you. You wanted nothing but sex and my body, I just wanted love. You didn't love me, you never fucking loved me. You said he could have me 5 years after the fact but there was never any question about him getting to have me because he already had me. I wish you would have hit me because I needed a reason to hate you sooner. They say your cells are completely replaced after 7 years. It's only been 5 since the last time you touched me. I wish I could replace my skin, my lips, my hair, my thighs, I wish I could replace every single part of me that your filthy hands touched so I can be rid of you. Loving you was a mistake I was too dumb to make. I hate you and I hate that you still haunt me. I haven't loved you for 7 years, but you've tormented me for just as long. I was a happy girl before I met you. If I had never given in and gave myself to you, he wouldn't be left with the empty leftover husk of who I was when I was 15. Instead he gets a 21 year old that can't love properly, and can't accept love. You ruined my life. I wish I would stop checking your instagram and facebook to see if you're miserable because truth be told, I want you to suffer like you made me suffer. You don't deserve happiness, you will never deserve happiness. You took my best friend away from me. I lost so much because of you and I will never ever forgive you. I hate you with my entire being. Because of you, I feel nothing but blind rage at the smallest things. I wanted love and security and instead you made me hate myself. She will leave you, it may not be today, or tomorrow, or next week or next year, but she will leave you. She will make you suffer. Someone will make you suffer. Someone will be your karma. You will hurt the wrong girl and you will regret it. Because no matter how many people you berate, and belittle, and beat, you will never ever be anything but a small, worthless, husk of a human that no one cares for. One day, my cells will replace themselves and I won't be the girl whos virginity you tried to take. I will succeed, and I will move on, and I will be happy, and I'll have the family you always told me you wanted with me. I will raise my daughters to never fall into the trap of boys like you, and I will raise my sons to treat women like they would want their mother treated. My sons will never lay a hand on a woman, they will never berate a woman. My daughters will know their worth and will know to stand up for themselves and never let a man treat them like you treated me.

[fitzs-trained-monkey]

(Very Irrational) Rational Thinking

(Not my gif)

Title: Rational Thinking

Word Count: Big

Summary: You were good at keeping yourself away from the supernatural, you were good at protecting yourself. Then you met Kol. Kol made you curious and curiosity had always been your downfall. You knew you needed to keep your defenses up if you wanted to live - vampires could not be trusted... but Kol made you curious... || Kol Mikaelson x Prodigy!reader

Warnings: This one's a little dark, talk of murder, torture, actual murder... Canon typical violence I guess? But it's also adorable as all frick so you need to read. Starts out a little slow, but I promise it's worth it.

Here lies my complete Masterlist!

Write your words in cursive

You make me so nervous

You got my heart pulsing

Wish you were more repulsive

You're my favorite nightmare

and for once I'm not scared

You made a good impression

You make me wanna question

Every Little Thing

-Every Little Thing by Cybergirlfriend

"I have to meet with her, we have to find out what Esther wants." Elena's stubborn tone carried so easily from the kitchen where she stood with the Salvatore psychos, to where you sat on the couch in the living room. You rolled your eyes and sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. You had continuously told her how easy it would be for any vampire to spy on these little scheming sessions of hers and report everything back to Klaus, all one of the dirty bloodsuckers would have to do is stand outside. But did she ever listen? Nope.

At this point, you weren't even sure why you still bothered to try and help. You had only offered your assistance in the first place because Jeremy had begged you to.

When your childhood best friend had found out that you were aware of the Supernatural whatnot going on in the town, he'd been rather hurt that you hadn't told him of your discovery sooner and the two of you had gotten into an argument - something about how best friends shouldn't keep secrets and also feelings, but even after two hours of Jeremy trying to explain and milkshakes you still didn't really understand. He said that he'd been terrified to tell you about the things going on in his life because he thought you would laugh or call him crazy. You wouldn't have, of course, seeing as you'd known the big secret before he had. (Your discovery of the vampires in town, and subsequently the rest of the supernatural, was something of a funny story actually. That story involved Damon trying to eat you, a heavily modified stun gun devoid of all safety features, and what you hoped was a very uncomfortable ride over the falls for Damon who you had bound, gagged, and stashed in a large oak chest from your garage which you dumped into the river. Damon had never bothered you [with lethal intent] ever again.) When Jeremy had found out his sister’s secret, you had instantly been able to tell - simply by the look on his face. You'd never been good at understanding people or emotions. This time, however, you could tell that your actions had seriously hurt him. Apologies really weren't your thing, but you couldn't lose the only friend you'd ever had so you explained your reasons and counted yourself lucky that he was willing to forgive you… on one condition. Jeremy made you promise to keep an eye out on Elena and her protection squad. Even though Jeremy was livid with his sister, he didn't want her to die. He made you pinky promise on it.

So that's how you'd found yourself here, lounging on the Gilbert couch, stuffing your face with Doritos while you suffered through listening to Elena's determination to get herself dead. It was exhausting but a promise is a promise, you supposed, even if the person with whom you made the promise gets compelled to whisk himself away to Denver.

"Do you have a death wish?" Damon demanded.

'Here we go again,' You thought, restraining a groan.

"No, but-"

"Then what, Elena? 'Cause that's the only logical illogical reason I can think of for you to want to be within ten miles of some crazy witch who's already tried to kill you. Twice!" Damon practically shouted. So much for secrecy. Now was probably the time for you to chime in seeing as the few brain cells contained within that room seemed to be getting tossed aside in favor of fragile feelings and even more fragile egos. You folded down the top of your bag of Doritos and placed it neatly on the coffee table before standing up and sauntering your way towards the kitchen.

"We need that information, Damon!" Elena's voice was so whiny. Good heavens, it was annoying. "I'm going whether you like it or not!"

"Here's a bright idea: how 'bout ya' don't," You chimed in, leaning against the door frame. Damon turned to glance at you, brows raised in surprise. The two of you almost never agreed on anything and for good reason.

He shoved a finger at you and turned back to Elena as if trying to prove a point. "See? Listen to the Valedictorian!"

"Wait, why are you-" Elena looked at you with confusion. "Jeremy's not here…" She said slowly.

"He isn't?!" You gasped mockingly. "Oh my gosh, I didn't notice that!" Your sarcasm was met with a glare from the doppelganger. Elena had never liked you, she thought you were a bad influence on Jeremy - the feeling was mutual.

"Then why are you still here? I thought you left," She said. Had she not heard you munching on Doritos? Geez, Louise! Were you the only person who used their senses around here?

"One can only spend so long at the Grille, my dear friend's sister, before one starts to develop a permanent bad taste in music," You replied with a smirk.

"You could always go home," Elena pointed out.

"Home?" You stuck out your tongue. "Blegh, gross."

"You know, despite what Jeremy says, this isn't actually your house," She huffed, crossing her arms and shaking her head.

That hit a nerve.

She knew full well why you hated your house.

Testing for an IQ higher than Steven Hawking had its drawbacks and your mother was a vain and narcissistic woman. “You’re too distracted, Y/N! I will not be the mother of an almost genius, do you understand me? Get back to work, and this time, focus! If you can’t solve the problem, you are worthless!”

You shoved those words right back to where they came from and sent Elena a sickeningly sweet smile.

“True, however, I am rather fond of the place and, at the rate you three are going, Klaus or some other wack-job is likely to burn it to the ground within the month.” You shrugged. “Someone has to make sure Jeremy has a home to come back to and it’s sure as hell not gonna be you seeing as you’re too busy messing around with two mass-murderers!”

Elena blinked. Then her expression twisted into a scowl. “Stefan, could you please just-” She gestured at you vaguely. Stefan sent you a sideways glance to which you responded with a cheeky wave.

He sighed. “I can’t.”

The Gilbert girl frowned. “Why not?”

Your face split into a grin. “Because this.” You leaned over to Stefan and trailed a finger along his bare forearm. The vampire hissed in pain as the path where you touched him burned like he’d been branded. He tried to jerk away from you but you grabbed a hold of his arm, smirking pointedly at Elena.

“Okay! We get it!” Damon yanked your hand off his brother, burning himself in the process. You just shrugged innocently. “Psychopath,” He muttered under his breath.

“Sociopathically-inclined genius, actually,” You corrected. “Either way, I know where you live.”

“If you want her to leave so bad, Elena, then why don’t you just take care of her yourself?” Stefan asked, rubbing at the fading burns. Elena, however, was too shocked to speak, or at least, to do so coherently.

“H-h-how… How d-did… How did you? What!?”

“Vervain in my soap, lotion, and pretty much everything else,” You answered. “It’s like using essential oils, but instead of smelling good, I burn vampires. Pretty cool, eh?”

“No!” She huffed. “That’s awful! A-and why would you burn Stefan?”

Your eyes darted between faces in the room and you realized that you were apparently the only one who found all this funny. You frowned, feeling a little guilty about it now. People were so confusing! You wished Jeremy was there to explain it to you.

“Because I could,” You said like it was obvious. “Also, you three were being unbearably stupid again, so…”

“Oh yeah? And what does Miss Einstein think about all this?” Damon challenged, raising a brow.

“I don’t think Elena should go to the ball,” You deadpanned.

“Well, I’m still going,” She sneered. Damon rolled his eyes and turned back to her.

“It’s a trap, Elena!” He pressed. “How can you possibly miss that? Admiral Ackbar would be rolling in his fishy grave.”

“You don’t know that,” She countered. Damon turned to you with a very desperate look on his face.

“Back me up here!” He begged.

“It’s a trap,” You agreed. He shot you a look.

“Tone down the enthusiasm, why don’tcha?” He deadpanned.

“You didn’t let me finish.” You chuckled, hauling yourself up to sit on the kitchen table and pointing an accusatory finger at the raven-haired Salvatore. “I said it’s a trap, I never said that trap was for Elena. In fact, twenty bucks and a half-eaten family sized bag of Doritos says it’s not!” All you got in response was a trio of confused stares and then all three started talking at once.

Elena scoffed. “Who else would the trap be set for?”

Damon glared. “I thought you were on my side!”

And poor Stefan just looked lost. “How’d you eat the Doritos so fast? We’ve been here five minutes…”

You giggled and grabbed a fingernail file off the table, starting to work on your nails while you talked. “Well, first off, not everything revolves around you, Elena; you’re just a pawn in a very long game of chess. B- Wait, no… Secondly, Damon, I will never be on your side about anything any time any place ever. And lastly, Stefie, I stack the chips and shove ‘em in. Saves time.”

“Oh.” Stefan nodded to himself. “That’s smart.”

“Thanks.”

Damon rolled his eyes. “Of course the trap is for Elena, Momma Original has already tried to kill her twice and third times the charm.”

“No, Momma Original has tried to prevent Klaus from making hybrids twice,” You corrected. “What y’all fail to realize is that copy-n-paste face Mcgee over here is entirely useless outside of what her magic blood can do. The woman turned her kids into monsters, for crying out loud! If Esther wanted Elena’s blood, all she would have to do is walk right in this place and take it. She hasn’t. That tells us two things, anyone care to guess?”

You got nothing but silence.

“Really? How have you guys not figured this out?” You laughed. “What is it like in your tiny little brains? Must be so boring!”

“Why can’t you just give it to us straight?” Elena complained.

"Fine," You sneered. “Witchy-Wacko wants to kill her kids. Link ‘em together, undo the curse, knock ‘em over like dominos and probably exterminate the rest of the vampire race while she’s at it. If you go to the ball, Esther will enact her plan and it will probably fail as most plans do when you three are involved with them - that's not mean it’s just statistically accurate - and that will only serve to tick our favorite thing of Vikings off even more which bodes well for absolutely no one. That’s all folks, thank you and goodnight!”

Leaving them all staring at you with various degrees of shock, you slipped off the table and skipped to the door. None of them moved and you left. You were about halfway up the street when Damon caught up to you.

“Hey! Tiny Sherlock!” He called after you. You didn’t stop walking but, in a blink, he was by your side anyway. “That was pretty impressive back there,” He said.

“No, that was obvious,” You countered.

“Tomato, potato.” He waved you off and you rolled your eyes. “Or at least it would be if you had ever even met Klaus or one of the other originals, but you haven’t.”

“So?”

“So you put that puzzle together based on scraps of conversations and second hand information,” Damon pointed out.

“Does this DVD come with scene selection?” You mused sarcastically. Damon rolled his eyes.

“Point is, I think that brain of yours could be really helpful.”

You raised a brow, glancing at him out of the corner of your eye. “Last time I heard you say the word helpful in context to me, the night ended with you getting 20,000 volts to your central nervous system before I dumped you in the river. I’d like you to consider your next words very carefully.”

“Come with me to the ball tonight,” Damon said, sending you a smirk. “Dance with a couple thousand year old killing machines, chat ‘em up, dig up dirt.”

You glanced at him to check to see if he was being serious. He was. Damon was actually serious. So, you started laughing, long and hard.

“Oh, Damon, Damon-bow-bayman-banana-fanna-mo-mayman DA-MON!” You slapped his shoulder. “You’re funny!”

He gave you a look that said you were crazy. “Was there an answer in all that or…”

“HECK NO! There’s an answer for you. No thanks, I choose life!” You declared, still laughing.

“Look, I’ll make it worth your while,” He offered.

“You couldn’t if you tried.”

“Then why not just do it out of the goodness of your heart? You do have one of those, right?” He asked, glancing at you as if to double-check. You stopped and twisted on your heel to face him, crossing your arms and sending him a chilling glare.

“Why? So you and the cult of Elena can use me like you use Bonnie Bennett?” You demanded. “I’d really rather not.” Then you started walking again.

“Don’t tell me you’re not just a little bit curious,” Damon’s voice drawled from behind you.

And that there was the precise moment that ruined every plan you’d ever made for your life. That was another downside to being a genius: enough was never enough. Ever since you had first heard of the Original family, you had been curious. You craved knowledge like other humans craved air.

“You wanna see ‘em, don’t you?” He continued. “You wanna see what a thousand years looks like. You wanna know their secrets as much as I do. Deny it all you want but you know deep down that itch won’t go away until you know everything there is to know about that messed up family. I know an addict when I see one, Y/N.”

He had you and you couldn't deny it. You were an addict, but you weren’t completely reckless. You spun around and fixed the manipulative vampire with a frigid glare.

“Listen to me very carefully, Damon. I may not be against you, but I am not your ally and I never will be because I know better than to trust a filthy parasite like you. Anything I’ve done to help assure Elena’s safety has been done out of the goodness of my heart and I am under no obligation to continue being so charitable.” Your tone was low, a clear threat in itself but Damon had always been rather thick. You reached out and grabbed his wrist, burning the skin on contact to accentuate your words. “I’ve survived this long because I play smart. I keep my head down, watch the tide, and predict the waves. Then when those waves come, I move out of the way. When I introduce myself to the Mikaelsons, I will do so on my terms. My decisions are not for you to influence or control. Do not ever attempt to manipulate me again.”

You released him when you finished and Damon blinked in surprise. Then his expression morphed into a smirk and he tilted his head, looking at you as if he were seeing you for the first time. “You said when,” He pointed out.

You smirked. “That I did.”

The next day, sometime around two in the afternoon, you were woken from a rather spectacular nap by the insistent chiming of your phone. You groaned and flung your arm out to grasp the device, opening it up and peering at the notification. You were surprised to find a text from Stefan lighting up the screen.

Now, despite any pain you may routinely cause him on the basis of misguided humor, Stefan was one of the few people you actually liked. He understood that you couldn't comprehend right versus wrong the same way as everyone else - that your brain had a very real physical deficiency when it came to the chemicals that produce the human sense of compassion - and he tried his best to be tolerant and kind to you despite that. Stefan was an empathetic person, he could feel for others in a way you just couldn’t understand. He confused you, and you frustrated him. Thus it really wasn't anything personal, but the two of you just couldn't be anything more than friendly acquaintances, which is all a fancy way of saying that Stefan never texted you unless he needed something… desperately.

But if he needed your help then you would give it. Because in some ways, Stefan was a bit like you - he tried his best, but more often than not, his best just wasn't enough for most people.

"You're not trying hard enough! If you were putting all your effort into this, you would have figured it out already. If you can't solve the problem, you are useless!"

You shook your head, pushing your mother's voice to the back of your mind and opening Stefan's message. It was short and the words seemed rushed, probably due to panic, but being Stefan he still tried to be sincere. The text read:

"You were right, and Elijah knows. They took Elena and will kill her if we don't find a way to stop Esther. I know you and Elena have your issues but please, Y/N, I really need your help."

Ah, so Elena had done exactly what you told her not to do. Golly gee, what a surprise!

Maybe you should just ignore Stefan’s cry for help and go back to sleep. Then maybe when you woke up Elena and the Mikaelsons would be dead - along with the entirety of the vampire race if your theory about bloodlines was correct - and aside from a twinge of guilt if Stefan died, you wouldn’t feel a thing. After all, Elena got herself into this mess and it was only right that she take responsibility. She should’ve trusted your advice, but she never would because even though you weren't actually a sociopath, your brain's reduced capacity for compassion was all that girl would ever see.

You didn’t care about very many people, that was true. But contrary to popular belief, you really did have a heart. It was just quite damaged from the influence of your mother's abuse, and people like her or Elena didn't exactly make you eager to open it up. Despite your best efforts, however, there were just some people who found their way past your harsh exterior, and for those people there was nothing you wouldn’t do. Jeremy was your best friend and Elena was his sister, and even though you wouldn’t care if she died, you wouldn’t do that to him. A promise is a promise.

“I’m always right, Steffie, and a big WELL, DUH to the rest but what do you need?”

“Damon told me you don’t want to be involved.”

“Then don’t involve me.”

He took a moment to reply and then:

“Mystic Grill.”

You smirked at that.

“On my way.”

***

The girl caught Kol’s attention the minute she walked through the door. She was stunning, with innocent features, soft H/C hair, and bright, attentive E/C eyes that paused on him just for a moment as they swept the room. Her clothes were more casual than what most of the people in the grill were wearing, just jeans and a t-shirt but she made them look great. Slipping a pair of headphones over her ears, she strode over to an empty booth with the confidence of someone who doesn’t care about the opinions of a single person in the room. When she sat down, the customers sitting in the booths on either side of hers glanced at one another nervously. Then, to Kol’s surprise, intrigue and delight, they all got up and moved to other tables. The girl shrugged off the bag she carried on her shoulder and removed a laptop which she set up on the table in front of her before beginning to type. A nefarious smile spread across Kol’s face and he nudged his brother in the side.

“What about that one?” He asked Klaus, nodding in the direction of the girl. Klaus looked where he’d pointed and a look of recognition crossed his face.

“That’s Y/N Y/L/N, she’s the Mystic Falls High School Valedictorian,” He answered, sounding bored.

“Aww… A good girl, that’s adorable,” Kol mused, his eyes focused on the girl. Klaus shrugged.

“From what I hear, she’s some sort of child prodigy.”

“Is she now?” Kol’s smile broke into a full-on grin and he set his drink down on the bar, running a hand through his hair. “Sounds like fun to me.”

“Good luck,” Klaus chuckled. The dark-haired boy shook his head and laughed.

“Oh, I don’t need luck.” Pushing away from the bar, he strode over to where the girl sat in her lonely booth, typing away. “Hello, darling.”

The girl didn’t look up, she just kept typing. Then she paused… she scrunched up her face… and continued typing. He figured she was off in her own little world and couldn’t hear him with those headphones on. So he slid into the booth beside her and leaned over, pushing one speaker off her ear. Her gaze slid from her computer screen to him and she raised a brow.

“Hi.” Kol flashed her his most innocent smile. In his hundreds of years on this planet, Kol had dated hundreds of girls like her - sweet, shy, and oh-so-innocent - nine times out of ten, he was the last boy those girls ever dated. Dolcina, for example - so beautiful and delectable and dead within the week. Good girls with good hearts made for tasty desserts. Besides, they always gave a good chase and that was half the fun.

The girl turned her head and flicked her sharp E/C eyes up and down his figure, but not the way he was used to. Her gaze wasn’t admiring, it was more cutting than that - like she was studying him, searching him for any and all the information she could gather. Then she opened her mouth.

"Athazagoraphobic, emotionally dysregulated, compulsive flirt," She said, turning back to her laptop.

Kol blinked. Of all the responses he’d been expecting, that had not been one of them. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me just fine,” The girl replied. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips and her fingers continued tapping against the keyboard.

“I did,” He admitted, nodding. “But that’s not a very nice thing to say to someone.”

She snorted. “Who ever said I was nice?” The boy raised a brow, he seemed to have misjudged this one.

“Well you certainly look quite nice.”

“I’m really not,” Y/N smirked.

“That’s alright,” He said determinedly. “I like pretty little things with sharp tongues.”

She paused a moment, analyzing. Then her expression morphed into a combination of disgust and genuine confusion. "Is that some sort of pick-up line? If so, your ah... masculine wiles are in dire need of a little revision," She said.

“Oh, I like you.” He grinned. “Though for future reference, you should know that it’s not exactly polite to insult someone without knowing a thing about them, darling.” He folded his arms on the table and leaned forward, tilting his head at her. The girl scoffed, glancing at him.

“It wasn’t an insult, merely an observation - one that I came to based on things I could see after just one glance.” She sounded extremely confident. “Also, you’re quite the one to talk, considering that you seem to be incapable of keeping your eyes on my face.”

Kol tore his eyes away from admiring her delightful curves to focus on her face as she had indirectly directed. Y/N's gaze was fixed on him and her brilliant eyes held a challenge. Those eyes were deep and rolling with thoughts he couldn't decipher, but oh how he wanted to. Yes, he had most certainly been wrong about this girl, she was far more interesting than she had seemed. “What can I say?” He shrugged, grinning cheekily. “I’m an aesthete, take it as a compliment."

Y/N's mouth dropped open, she seemed genuinely surprised. "You think I'm pretty?"

Kol frowned, shaking his head. "Of course not." Her face fell but he wasn't done. "Pretty doesn't even begin to do justice to a vision such as yourself. No, I think you're nothing short of radiant, darling.  Especially those eyes, they're enchanting. " He could stare into their depths for hours, he thought, and he still wouldn't be able to tell what exactly was going on behind them.

"T-thank you…" She didn't seem to know what to do with that information.

"It's the truth." He shrugged, "Although, now I must say that if your mind is half as impressive as your outer appeal then you may never be able to get rid of me. Is it true what I heard about you?”

“Depends on who you heard it from,” She said, leaning back and crossing her arms. Kol let his eyes skim over her figure again, she was distracting. He had the sudden overwhelming urge to touch her, it felt like she was pulling him in.

“I heard you’re a genius,” He said, leaning closer.

“Y-you did?” Y/N’s voice was quieter this time, almost shy. Kol shifted closer, smirking as she moved away from him.

"That's the rumor," He hummed, moving his arm to cage her in.

“I heard a rumor too,” She said quietly, ducking her head. “You wanna know what it is?”

“Tell me,” He purred. She brought her lips close to his ear, whispering.

“I heard you suck at pool.”

Then Y/N ducked under his arm and skipped over to the billiard tables, glancing back to stick her tongue out and flip him off. Kol sat there for a moment, stunned. Y/N was smart, wicked smart, and had he been slightly less distracted by her gorgeous appearance he might have found the sense to be concerned about that. But he was very distracted. He glanced at Klaus and saw him get up to chase after the tasty little blonde he’d been dancing with at the ball. Normally, he would be hurt that Klaus didn’t care to stay and help him out, but again, Kol was very distracted.

“You’re on, darling.” He grinned and got up to follow Y/N to the billiard tables. The girl grabbed a cue and tossed it to him before removing the rack from the center of the table. She smiled at him sweetly.

“Go ahead,” She said, leaning on her cue. “You break.”

“My pleasure.” He didn’t even look at the table as he set up and took his shot, electing instead to keep his eyes on her. He hit his mark and the balls split, ricocheting off the sides of the table. He sank two balls on the first shot and hissed. “Oh dear, look at that... It would appear that rumor of yours is wrong, darling. What a shame."

“Guess you shouldn’t believe everything you hear, huh,” Y/N mused. She smirked at him and leaned down to take her shot. The ceramic spheres made a loud crack and Y/N sank three of them. Kol raised a brow, more than a little impressed. It had been a long, long time since he'd found himself a good challenge. The genius looked up, eyeing him critically, seeming to consider something. "I want your leather jacket," She announced for no particular reason.

Kol laughed. “That’s rather forward of you, but I am nothing if not a gentleman. As you wish, my lady.” He shrugged the jacket off and handed it to her.

“Thanks.” She tossed her hair and pulled it on.

The boy blinked and his throat went dry. She just looked so perfect. He hadn't even really considered it - he hardly knew this girl - and yet, she almost looked more natural wearing his jacket than he did. It was the strangest feeling that washed over him. Kol wanted to reach out and touch her, hold her because - and he was fully aware of how absurd the idea sounded - but it felt like he'd always been destined to do so. There was this warm sensation in his chest and it was like she was made just for him. No one else - just his, completely and utterly his. The possessive animal inside him stirred at the sight. Kol had never been particularly suited to self-restraint; when he liked something, he took it. Now, there was a genius of a girl standing in front of him, wearing his jacket and he wanted her. He'd never needed to kiss anyone more in his life, or his death.

Y/N narrowed her eyes at him.

"What?" She asked. He shook himself out of his stupor, pointing to the jacket,

“Did you mean you want that to borrow or…”

“You’re not getting this back,” Y/N deadpanned. His brows shot up at her lack of tact.

“Alright, fair enough. But as long as you’re wearing my clothes, you should at least ask me my name,” He reasoned. She thought about that for a moment.

“Yeah, okay. What’s your name?”

The smile she gave him was genuine this time and it sparked something inside him. It was like standing under a total solar eclipse. Though he hadn't known her for very long, he understood that smile was something rare. Kol had always been fascinated by rare, unique things, not to mention dangerous ones. Y/N just so happened to qualify as all three, and the sharpness in that girl's eyes left him wanting. Just the idea that she might concede to his desires this much excited him. How far might she let him push?

“I’m Kol,” He said. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” The boy reached for her hand but she pulled it away from him swiftly.

“Hello, Kol.” Maybe he would have found her behavior strange but he was too captivated by the way her tongue rolled around his name. He could imagine what it might be like to kiss her - how she might taste. Not only the flavor of her lips but everything inside her - he wanted it all.

His eyes drifted to her neck where he could faintly detect the thrumming of her pulse just beneath her perfect skin - the crimson spring flowing in her veins, just waiting for Kol to drink his fill. Desire overwhelmed him in an instant, fiery and demanding. He'd always found it difficult to separate lust from bloodlust and he'd never had the restraint to deny himself either one. He wanted both from her. He wanted to kiss her neck and bite it. He needed to pet her skin and tear it.

That girl's voice broke through his cloud of temptation.

He didn't want to hurt her, she was special. “It’s your turn. Also, this jacket smells good.”

Kol couldn’t help but laugh. What a peculiar lass. “Thank you?”

“You’re wel-” Y/N’s beautiful smile fell and her eyes focused on something behind him. “Oh, please tell me you’re not that stupid.”

Kol never got the chance to see what she was talking about. A sharp, searing pain he knew all too well bloomed in his chest - the pain of a dagger being shoved into his heart. A tortured whimper escaped his lips as every vein in his body burned and ran dry. He could feel his body shutting down, his hearing dulled and darkness swam in his vision. The last thing he saw was Y/N’s expression morphing into one of confusion and then horror. The last thing he heard before his heart stopped was her voice.

“Wait. Y-you’re hurting him. Stop!”

***

You tore your hands through your hair as you watched the life fade from Kol's eyes. The expression on his innocent features the moment that dagger pierced his heart would haunt you forever. Normally, the pain of others amused you, but not this time. Kol looked like he was in agony, and not only that, he had looked terrified. There was something in his eyes - something far, far too familiar because you'd seen it too many times before in your own - it was desperate and pleading. You could almost hear him screaming the same words you'd offered so many times as a child.

"Please don't lock me in here! I can focus! I can be good! Please don't leave me! Please don't lock me in!"

The boy's body slumped to the floor, obscured from the view of other customers by Meredith Fell's body. You bent down to him, taking his ashen face in your hands and letting your skin burn his in an effort to wake him up.

"No, no no… Kol, wake up!" He didn't wake up. Alaric raised a brow.

"You're a psychopath, what do you care?" He asked. You glared at him ferociously.

"Do you idiots have any idea what you've just done?" You spat with venom.

Meredith Fell scoffed, looking offended. "We just saved your life! How 'bout a little gratitude?"

"Gratitude?" You seethed. "Gratitude? You didn't save my life, you've just ended it!"

"Excuse me?"

"You made me complicit in this!" You whisper-shouted. "You just made me a target!"

"I'm sorry, but did you see the way he was looking at you?" Fell demanded.

"He wasn't going to hurt me," You insisted.

"He was staring at your neck!"

"He was just curious!" You argued. "Vampires do that!" Never once had you thought you would defend a vampire, especially an original, but they had been... wrong to stab him. Besides… Kol had called you pretty. Nobody had ever called you pretty before. You were always just smart - smart enough to know when someone was lying and Kol hadn't - you'd never been pretty.

"Okay, we can talk about this later but we need to go," Alaric said. He slung Kol's arm over his shoulders and Meredith took the other side and together they dragged a desiccated vampire corpse out of a busy bar in broad daylight. You grabbed a napkin and stomped after them, scribbling down your name and address as you went. Just before they reached the alley door, you slipped in front of Meredith and Alaric. "What are you doing?" The latter asked as you stuffed the napkin with your information on it into the mostly dead vampire's pocket.

"Giving myself something of a chance," You mumbled, switching your pen out for a sharpie and writing: 'Check your pocket,' on Kol's hand. You looked up. "Also, you guys can tell Stefan and Damon that this is the last time I do them any favors. From now on it's tit-for-tat only. Good luck stormin' the castle."

Then you turned on your heel and went home. Two hours later, you got a text from Stefan.

"I'm sorry about what happened."

But you weren't taking any of that.

"Save it. We both know you don't mean it. No more favors."

A few minutes later:

"I understand."

The doorbell rang downstairs and your head shot up. Showtime. You couldn't hear whoever was at the door, but you could hear your mother. You were pretty sure people in Australia could hear your mother.

"No, no! Absolutely not! My daughter is a prodigy with an IQ of 180, and I will not have boys like you with your fake British accent, distracting her from her future. Now get off my porch before I call the police!"

You huffed a bitter laugh. The only future that woman cared about was her own because she'd birthed a genius and didn't that make her just so frickin' special. Special enough to scream at original vampires, apparently. Your mother was lucky that she was protected from the boy at the door by the magical barrier that kept him out, otherwise, she would probably be dead four times over.

"'Round the back, second balcony. You can climb right?" You kept your voice level and waited, knowing he could hear you.

There was a tapping on your balcony window. You smirked and turned around, moving to open the door. There stood Kol.

"Hello, darling." He was smiling and that made you uneasy. He should be mad… right?

"How'd you like the welcome wagon?" You asked, making a vague gesture in reference to what had happened downstairs. Kol grimaced.

"Your mother is…" He trailed off, shaking his head as if at a loss for words. "A special brand of awful."

"She's just a gem, ain't she?" You agreed, voice drenched in sarcasm.

"And on vervain," He noted.

"Yeah, sorry about that." You shrugged. "They slip it into the water supply here from time to time, just a heads up."

"Ah!" Kol nodded. "That explains it. I take it you know what I am?"

"I do." You smirked. The smile slipped from Kol's face and he stepped closer to the invisible barrier.

"Did you know they were going to dagger me?" He demanded, eyes darkening.

"No," You replied evenly. "I had no idea."

"Really?"

"I said no."

"I heard you, but you could be lying," He countered.

"You would know if I was lying, Kol," You pointed out. "You can hear my heartbeat."

"You're right." He nodded. His eyes flicked over your figure as if he were trying to reason something out. Then he held up his hand. Your handwriting, although a bit smudged, was still visible. "I got your little message… which doesn't come off, by the way. Is this all you wanted? To plead your innocence?"

"Well, unlike some people in this town, I actually have a brain. Plus, I like living. So the highly probable scenario of you hunting me down after the grill incident, doesn't work out for me too well. I figured you should know the truth before the next time you saw me so I wouldn't end up being dinner." You turned away from him and strode over to your bedside table, opening the drawer and retrieving a bottle of hand sanitizer. You closed the drawer and turned back to him. "This will get the marker off," You said, twirling the bottle.

A smirk spread across Kol's face and your stomach felt all weird all of a sudden. Were you coming down with something?

"Thank you, darling. Why don't you step out here and hand that to me?" He suggested, watching you with a look you couldn't identify.

You pretended to think about his proposition. "Mmmmm… Nah!" Then you tossed him the bottle which he caught with a slight frown.

"So there's no other reason you wanted me to come to your house?" He asked with a gentle smile. He looked so much like an eighteen-year-old boy then as he squirted some sanitizer on his hand and started rubbing the marker off. He looked so cute and innocent. You almost forgot he was an original vampire. Why did you want to forget that?

That look on his face when the dagger had pierced his heart flashed through your mind's eye, the pain of it. You remembered what it was like to feel that desperate fear. And he had called you pretty…

"I guess I also wanted to make sure you were okay," You admitted quietly. You never thought you would say those words to a vampire but here you were.

Kol froze and slowly looked up at you. "What?" His voice was so quiet and his expression held nothing but cautious disbelief. As if he were scared to hope that someone might care about him enough to ask that.

You bit your lip, fidgeting with your fingers nervously. "Th-the dagger-" You said. Your usually eloquent speech came out choppy, unsure. "You looked..." Your voice trailed off as you found yourself incapable of tearing your eyes away from his.

'You looked like me,' you wanted to say.

Of course, you couldn't say what you were really thinking. You cleared your throat and settled for, "It's just that getting stabbed doesn't sound too comfortable, so... A-are you alright?" The boy at your window shuffled his feet a bit.

"Honestly?" He sighed, dragging a hand through his dark hair. His hair looked soft. "It's been a bit of a rough night. Got daggered, which - you know, actually it's worse then getting stabbed if you can believe that - hurts like hell. Then, lucky me, when I woke up I found out that my own mother wants to kill her son for the abomination she made of me when she stripped away everything I ever loved." Kol's voice broke at the end and, as much as he was trying to appear unaffected by the night's events, you could tell that they seriously bothered him. More than that, really. He was in pain, and he was alone and he had to tell someone. Even if they could never understand. You did, though. More than he knew.

"I suppose you should know that I knew about that," You said softly, not wanting him to get mad. "Not about the dagger but I did know about your mom." His head shot up and the look in his eyes was one of hurt and betrayal.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He demanded, blinking rapidly.

"Because I'm not on your side." You rubbed your wrist, reassuring yourself that he couldn't come in.

"So you're with those dull-eyed cretins who want to kill me for no reason?" He accused, voice rising.

"Of course not," You scoffed. "Elena and her cult are all idiots."

"Then who's side are you on?!" He shouted. The doorframe to your balcony split with a sharp crack as his fist collided with it. You understood that anger - felt it before - not that he could see. Holes in your walls had been covered. Bruises on classmates had healed. Even so, you flinched, stumbling back. Then Kol did something you didn't expect. He blinked, and the anger in his eyes flickered out. He lifted his hands peaceably. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you."

Why would he apologize?

You nodded slowly but didn't come any closer. "I'm not on anyone's side, Kol. I just don't wanna die," You explained. "I don't really know you a-and Jeremy says Klaus and your family are the bad guys."

"And this Jeremy character just decides who's good and who's bad?" He tilted his head. "Why should you let him decide for you?"

"B-because I don't-" You shook your head and looked away. Kol's brows furrowed.

"You don't… what?"

"I can't tell the difference," You whispered. "Good and bad… it's hard for me."

It was hard - harder than it should have been. You felt such kinship with this boy - monster, whatever he was - but you couldn't side with him. You didn't even really understand why. Kol hadn't done anything wrong - not yet anyway.

Kol stepped closer to the invisible barrier that kept him out. "Do you think I'm bad?" He asked softly. It was confusing. He just seemed so... nice - almost sweet. No one talked to you that way. But, then again, he was a vampire, and preying upon human beings is usually frowned upon, so wasn't that enough?

"You're a vampire," You answered.

"But do you think I'm bad?" He pressed.

"I-I don't know." You shook your head.

This was all so confusing. Was he truly evil? Bloodlust was only in his nature - he couldn't help it. It's not considered morally wrong for a lion to prey on a gazelle. If Kol was a predator then how could you blame him for doing the supernatural equivalent? He didn't seem so bad but everyone said he was. Kol made you want to question everything you knew. You hated being unsure of things. You shrank away, hugging your arms around yourself. To your surprise, the boy said nothing. He just tilted his head patiently, giving you time to think.

It wasn't morality you needed to question here, you decided. It was safety. Your safety. If Kol was a predator, he would be tempted to hurt you. That wasn't safe. (It was a flimsy reason but you had to believe in something.)

"You're a vampire, Kol. You wanna hurt me."

He shook his head. "No, I don't."

He was lying; he had to be.

"Yes, you do! I'm human; you want my blood."

Kol sighed. "While I can't deny that last bit, I can say that I would much rather just have you." He chuckled a bit. "I happen to like you."

You shook your head. "I can't trust you."

"You don't have to be afraid of me, Y/N." His voice was so gentle and you wanted to believe him.

"Yes, I do. Fear keeps me alive," You insisted. "I mean, how many girls have you kissed and killed?"

Kol grimaced. "A lot. I'll admit to that, but I didn't really like any of them."

"And how do I know you're not lying?"

"You're smart enough to know when someone is lying, darling," He said, his lips twitching up in a smile. "I promise you can trust me."

You wanted to. You wanted to trust him so badly. He didn't seem like the bad guy. And if he was... then how many flimsy excuses made you different from him?

"I-I can't..."

"I know ." He nodded. You wondered what emotion could make his voice sound so thin. "But I'm asking."

You blinked. "Asking what?"

"Please don't be afraid," Kol begged. There was something very desperate in his eyes as he watched you. "I don't need much. Just one night. Please don't say there's nothing good left in me."

"How can I know?" You asked.

"Invite me in."

Your whole body tensed at the idea and you backed away from the balcony door, shaking your head. Kol had been right before, you knew how to spot a liar. "Why?"

A pained smile flickered across Kol's face and he took a shuddering breath. "I'd like to prove myself to you, if you'll let me… but mostly, I…" He trailed off, biting his lip and looking away.

"What?"

"I don't want to go home," He whispered. "My siblings are there and my mother wants to kill us all and I just… I don't want to see them right now…"

"Oh…"

That was right. He didn't need any more reminders. You knew how badly those hurt.

How could he be the bad guy? He hadn't lied at all and he wasn't even acting the least bit rude. Kol was kind, he treated you with respect - that was more than you could say of Elena and the so-called good guys. Jeremy was always good to you, but the rest of them? They only treated you with contempt. But this boy made you feel warm inside. How could Kol feel so warm and so familiar yet still be bad? It didn't make any sense!

"May I please stay with you for a bit? J-Just until you fall asleep a-and then I'll go. I promise. Please?"

You couldn't believe you were about to do this.

"You can come in."

A radiant smile spread across Kol's face. Then suddenly he was standing right in front of you. You gasped in fright and scrambled back, getting ready to defend yourself but Kol held his hands up in surrender.

"No, no! I'm sorry - I didn't think that through. Don't be afraid?" He pleaded, his eyes warm and kind.

"Alright." Your voice sounded small and the way he was looking at you made your heart flutter. "Now what?"

Kol grinned, and it made you happy because you could tell that he was. "Now I say thank you," He said, lifting a hand to touch your cheek. You quickly pulled away and felt a twinge of guilt when he looked hurt.

"You don't want to do that, Kol," You warned him, shaking your head.

"What do you mean?"

"You don't want to touch me," You clarified.

He smirked. "I really think I do." For the briefest moment, Kol skimmed his knuckles across your cheek and for once - just a split second - you didn't feel so utterly alone. Then he hissed in pain and pulled his hand away, frowning at the burned skin. "How?"

"Vervain." You shrugged. "I put it in pretty much everything… You know, soap, lotion, shampoo - I wash my clothes with it too."

"Oh." He looked disappointed for a moment, then he blinked twice and his eyes flicked back to you. Judging by the cheeky grin that spread across his face, you guessed he had an idea. "What about lipstick?"

"I don't wear lipstick…" You answered wondering where he was going with this.

"Perfect," Kol breathed.

"Huh?"

He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around your back, yet he didn't burn and you realized you were still wearing his jacket. Watching you carefully, he leaned down. You were confused as to what he was trying to do until Kol settled his lips on yours. You froze. You had never kissed anyone before, you had never been interested in kissing anyone. Everyone you knew thought you were a psychopath, they didn't give you the time of day. Besides, they were all slower than cold tar and that was just unappealing. This was new, he was new, and you had no idea what you should do so you just stood still. Did you want him to kiss you? Did you want to kiss him? You weren't sure. Why did feelings have to be so freaking confusing?

It was like he knew all that, though - like he knew this was your first. So he started you out slow. His lips hardly moved at first, just barely pressing and nipping at your own. You didn't pull away so he came back in and pressed just a little harder. Kol's lips were soft, the kiss was tender and thoughtful, and his hands were gentle - his previous confidence was gone and it felt as if he were afraid of scaring you away.

"How was that?" He whispered against your lips.

"Uh... p-pretty great," You stammered.

"Yeah?"

"Uh, huh."

He grinned. "Want me to do it again?"

"Uh, huh."

And he did. His lips moved against yours and this time you kissed him back. Kol moved his hands to your sides, careful to keep them on his jacket, and squeezed lightly. His touch had you relaxing for reasons you couldn't name, and you melted into him just a little. But it wasn't only you. Like a man seeking shelter from a storm, the boy sighed softly as his tongue flicked along your lower lip. You gasped and his grip on your waist tightened reassuringly.

"Relax," He whispered against your lips. "I won't hurt you."

"Okay." You nodded, fisting his shirt because you felt a little dizzy.

"More?"

You nodded and he captured your lips again. This was good, you decided; you liked this. Kol kept kissing you for a little while, flinching every now and then when your noses touched and you accidentally burned him. When he did pull away, he watched your flushed face with a bright smile.

"This mean you trust me now? He asked hopefully.

"I don't know, " You answered honestly.

"That's alright." He nodded. "Guess I'll just have to keep working to earn it then."

"Guess so," You agreed softly. There was a moment's pause. "How long were you in that coffin?" You asked out of the blue.

He frowned. "Nearly a century… why?"

"You need to see Men in Black," You decided. You grabbed a blanket and your laptop and rushed over to your bed, setting up the device.

"What are you-"

You patted the spot on the bed beside you. "Come here!"

Kol did as he was told, albeit cautiously, and when he reached the side of your bed you grabbed his shirt and pulled him down to sit beside you. He chuckled at your eagerness but sat down anyway, stretching his long legs out as much as he could. You placed the blanket over him so you could lay across his chest without taking the chance of hurting him and pressed play.

"So I take it, Men in Black is some sort of motion picture?" He spoke as the opening credits began.

"It's about aliens," You said. "You'll like it, it's funny."

"I'll take your word for it, darling."He chuckled, smiling softly.

"Good," You grinned. "But if you lose control and try to eat me, just know that I'll punch you really, really hard."

"I'll keep that in mind."

Then you shushed him because Tommy Lee Jones was on screen.

***

Damon’s face was not something you wanted to see at eleven in the AM - or ever - but the doorbell rang and there he was.

“Tit-for-tat, right?” He said as soon as you opened the door.

“Yeah,” You replied cautiously.

“La Familia Original know where your bestie is, we’re gonna go pick him up.” He informed you. “Wanna come?”

You leaned against the doorframe, arms folded. “Of course I do. What do you want in return?”

“I don’t know yet, but I’ll tell you when I do,” He said, smirking.

“Let me pack a bag.”

Twenty-three hours later, you were in Denver. Apparently, Jeremy was at a batting cage in town where he was waiting on a friend. He had been adamant about not telling you anything about this friend until you met him, insisting as soon as the two of you did meet that he was going to become the third wheel real quick. You stepped out of the car and rolled your back, flinching when it sounded like bubble wrap. As you approached the batting cages, your mind drifted to wonder briefly about what Kol was doing. Since his overnight stay at your house, the two of you had been getting along brilliantly - you might even go so far to say you were friends. You hadn’t seen him in person since he had visited you to tell you that he had to leave to do something to help protect his family, but he had called you every day. You hadn’t asked him where he was or what he was doing - the two of you were on opposite sides of a war and you understood that, so you weren’t going to betray his trust by asking for information like some sort of spy. You couldn’t help wonder what he was doing though, and you couldn’t ignore the dread building in the back of your mind as the likelihoods started to line up. You just hoped you were wrong.

“There he is.” Elena pointed, pulling you from your thoughts.

“Next time we compel him, remind me to make him better at baseball,” Damon grimaced, watching Jeremy swing and miss… over… and over. You hummed your agreement - no offense to your best friend, but he sucked. Elena huffed and moved over to the cage.

“Hey, Jer!” She called out. Jeremy turned around.

“Elena?” He asked, surprised but happy. His gaze turned you and you sent him a little wave. “Y/N?”

“Sup, Crackhead,” You grinned teasingly. He rolled his eyes and noticed Damon, then his face fell.

“What’s wrong?” He sighed.

“We’re here to bust you outta hillbilly hell!” You exclaimed, leaving out the threat on his life.

“I know you are, Y/N/N, but what’s he here for?” Jeremy narrowed his eyes at Damon and what should have been obvious dawned on you. They needed something from him. What a wonderful sister he had to only come and save him when it conveniences her. Jeremy stepped out of the cage to put his bat away and Damon followed.

“Kathren sired us, Rose sired Kathren, now all we gotta do is figure out who sired Rose,” He explained.

“So, you traveled across the country to get me to talk to a dead vampire?” Jeremy surmised.

“Yall realize the absolute astronomical degree to which you suck, right?” You added, feeling the need to be Jeremy’s annoyance translator. Damon glared at you.

“Dead vampire’s redundant, but yes.”

“Well, I can’t.” Jeremy shrugged. Damon and Elena shot him a questioning glance. “I could talk to Anna and Viki because I knew them.” He put his helmet away and turned back to face Damon and Elena and you who trailed behind them. “I’ve never even met Rose.”

“What good is you dying and coming back if you can’t talk to a ghost when I need you to?” Damon complained. Jeremy rolled his eyes and you again felt the need to translate.

“You are, without a doubt, the supreme absolute worst.”

Elena sighed. “Rose spent a lot of time running from Klaus as well, she and Damon were close so maybe we can use him as a connection,” She suggested.

“Like a long-distance call on an old-timey phone system.” You nodded, looking at Jeremy. “It could work.”

It was your friend’s turn to sigh. “Fine! Fine, but can we do this later? My friend just got here, and yes, Damon, I actually have some.”

Damon hummed. “Oh, so not just the desperate tag along then?” You reached up, pulled off your glove, and grabbed the back of his neck, burning him. He hissed and ducked out of your grasp.

Jeremy smirked but tried to hide it with an eye roll. “I’ll call you when I’m done.” He leaned over and gave Elena a kiss on the cheek. She turned with him.

“Jer-” Then she stopped, her eyes widening in fear. “Damon, it’s Kol!”

Your heart dropped and you felt a hand pushing you aside. You should have known better. The dark-haired boy stepped forward and swung a bat, smacking Damon in the face and knocking him to the ground. The bat snapped in two and he discarded the piece he was holding.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Jeremy cried out, stumbling away from the boy he thought he’d known. He hadn’t known him. You should have known better.

“Jeremy, get back. He’s an original!” Elena warned.

“What?”

“No hard feelings, mate,” Kol said. “But we’re not buds.” His gaze flicked over to you briefly, and an expression of guilt drifted over his features. Then it was gone and he picked up another bat, a metal one this time. “You know, I’ll never get used to aluminum. But hey, at least it won’t break.” Damon got to his knees just as Kol turned around to swing. The movement was too fast for you to see but, a moment later, Kol was on the ground with a really big sliver sticking out of his chest.

“D-did you kill him?” Jeremy stammered, glancing rapidly between the corpse and the vampire who put it there.

“No,” Damon groaned. “But it’ll give us a head start. Come on.” He pulled Elena with him and you followed, glancing down at Kol’s body. Damon swung around jabbing his finger in your direction. “Not you,” He said.

“What?” Jeremy demanded. “We’re not leaving her!”

“Yeah, we are.” Damon raised a brow at you. “Tit-for-tat, remember? Slow him down, I don’t care what it takes.” He smirked. “Go full psycho on the bastard.”

“He’ll kill her!” Jeremy argued. Your eyes drifted to Kol’s body again. He’d been here for almost a month, waiting to kill your best and only friend at any moment. You should have known better. Some revenge sounded pretty good, actually.

“Yeah, alright.” You knelt on the ground beside Kol’s corpse and swung your bag off your shoulder.

“Come on, Jer.” Elena tried to tug her brother along but he wouldn’t budge.

“No!”

You glanced up, giving Jeremy a reassuring look. “Go,” You said.

“He could hurt you, Y/N,” Jeremy insisted.

You smirked. “Oh, he won’t get the chance.”

You didn't pay the trio any further attention as you zipped open your bag, pulled out a syringe of vervain, and ripped the cap off with your teeth. Leaning over carefully, you plunged the needle into Kol's jugular and injected the liquid into his system. Then you grabbed him by the hands and dragged his body into the parking lot.

The batting cages had emptied suspiciously but you didn't worry about that. Instead, you worried about how you were going to manage to lift approximately two hundred pounds of original vampire into the trunk of the car you were about to steal. Halfway through the parking lot, you looked up, wiping your brow and searching for a car you would be able to shove a cadaver into. You spotted a low-riding sports car and turned back to Kol.

"Eat some roughage, will you?" You joked as you attempted to shove his corpse into the back seat. (Turns out the trunk was too small. Que that once scene from Tangled where Rapunzel tries to shove Flinn in her closet.)

Once that was taken care of, you hopped into the driver’s seat and hotwired the car - thanks Youtube. Whipping out the GPS on your phone, you found the nearest building you knew would be completely abandoned. Archuleta Elementary School was a quaint little building and closed for the weekend. You picked the lock on the front door and went back to the car for Kol. When you opened the door, the boy groaned and lifted his head just a tad. That wasn’t good. You clambered over him and cautiously placed a hand on the makeshift stake sticking out of his back. The wood was slick with blood and more of the substance had pooled on the seat but luckily you weren’t squeamish. Grasping the broken bat firmly, you steeled your nerves and twisted. Even unconscious, Kol cried out and the sound tugged at your heartstrings. Who was the bad guy now? You shook that thought away and pulled him out of the car.

Lugging him up the steps of the school was murder but eventually, after getting lost in the hallways three times, you yanked his sorry rear end into the gym. You noticed that you had left a trail of blood from his corpse behind you but didn’t bother to clean it up. So what if some kids stumbled across it? They’d be fine because you know… color theory! After finding a chair, you fished some duct tape out of your bag and secured Kol to the seat with it. Then, you pulled out your stun gun. Removing the battery just to be safe, you popped off the panels at the front and removed the barbs. What you were doing was cruel, but you couldn’t afford to take any chances. You insured the prongs were securely set in Kol's chest, then dragged the reel out so you could sit on the bleachers and reinsert the battery.

“Now, we wait,” You said to no one in particular as you watched the boy's chest rise and fall in weak, labored breaths.

Watching Kol was the real torture. You couldn't take your eyes off him and you couldn't ignore the guilt building in your chest. You worked your jaw and tried to focus on anything else. You'd never actually tortured anyone before but you hadn't thought it would be this difficult and you hadn't even started. You couldn't help but think it wouldn't be so hard if it weren't him you were going to hurt. Anybody else and you would feel a thing. Why was he any different?

You couldn’t ignore the guilt building in your chest. Watching Kol was torture. He had never seemed like the bad guy, but now he looked like the victim - your victim. You were about to torture him - intentionally cause him pain. And for what? For trying to ensure his survival and the survival of his family? Isn’t that what you would do? How could you condemn him? He looked so innocent while he was asleep.

What made Kol any different from you?

You spat out a curse, frustrated with the dead-end your thoughts were taking you. His eyes fluttered open.

“Good mornin’, Sunshine,” You greeted him.

Kol shifted and groaned feebly, it sounded more like a whimper, really. Then he lifted his head and the look in his eyes as he focused on you tore at everything you had ever felt. He whispered something but it was too soft for you to make it out.

“What?” You asked. He let out a shuddering cough and moaned again.

“Get it out of me,” He said a little louder. He coughed again. “Please?”

You had left the stake impaled through his chest, that was probably what he was referring to. He was in agony again, just like with the dagger. His face was pale - just like yours had been so many, many times - and the compassion that normally evaded you attacked your conviction with full force.

“I can’t,” You said, voice thin and taught as a hair.

“Please?” He was begging. How did this make you a good guy?

“You’ll hurt me if I take that out.”

“No, I won’t,” Kol shook his head weakly. The cough that escaped him this time sounded wet and sickly as if the wound was getting worse instead of healing. “You know I won’t.”

“I don’t know anything.” You sat up straighter - as if steeling your spine might keep him out of your head. Only for once, it wasn't your head that was the problem. There was something in your chest and it clenched painfully when you looked at him as if he had a hand wrapped around your heart.

Kol met your eyes.

“I’ll never hurt you.” His words shook you. He’d never said that before, he’d always been careful with the way he said things. He didn’t make commitments. With Kol, there was always a way out. But not this time. This time he wanted you to know that he was in no way the bad guy, not when it came to you. But could you trust him? “I promise I’ll never hurt you.”

There were tears in those warm, brown eyes. You'd made a god bleed and a devil weep.

Was he really the evil in the room?

You questioned each step as you took it, one foot in front of the other, closer and closer to the deadly vampire, keeping a firm grip on your stun gun. When you stood right in front of him, you could see just how pained he looked. It hurt.

"Take it out of me," He pleaded again.

"Do I just… rip it out?" You wondered. All you got was a hum in reply. You gripped the handle sticking out of his chest and counted down. "Alright, one… two…" You tore the bat from his chest and he screamed, pulling against the duct tape you had tied him down with. The degree of his pain was unexpected. You couldn't help but wince. Whatever it was about a vampire's healing factor that seemingly took the edge off of normally fatal wounds must have been rendered null by the same plant that sapped his strength. The tape strained but didn't break thanks to the vervain pumping through his system.

Kol took a deep shaking breath. "What happened to three?" He wondered, groaning.

"You lost your three privileges when you moved to Denver to use my best friend as a bargaining chip," You replied coolly.

Kol blinked and looked up. "Jeremy? Jeremy Gilbert is your best friend?" He asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, he is."

"Never would have seen that coming…" He said, wide-eyed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" You asked, tilting your head. Kol grimaced, seeming to regret his words.

"Well, you're just so intelligent and he's so…."

"He's so what?" You demanded,

"Not?" He eyed your stun gun. "What does that thing do exactly?"

You frowned. "This." Then you pulled the trigger. A choked gasp escaped his lips and Kol's body arched, as 20,000 volts flooded his nervous system for as long as you held the trigger. The boy's form writhed and convulsed with an agonized groan, his mouth frozen open in a silent scream.  When you released the button, he relaxed, chest heaving.

"That's not fun," He hissed through clenched teeth. You tried your best to ignore the hurt in his eyes - the way he twitched when you took a step closer.

"It's not supposed to be," You said. "This is a police issue stun gun capable of delivering 20,000 volts of electricity to your nervous system via nineteen pulses each second. Typical stun guns only allow one to shock their target for up to five seconds, but I have removed such safety features specifically for this purpose."

Kol's expression drew into one of dread, he shook his head. “How about we discuss this like civilized people?”

“This stun gun has two modes,” You continued.” The first is called Pulse mode, which you just experienced. Pulse mode causes neuromuscular incapacitation as the neural signals that control muscles become uncoordinated, forcing your muscles to contract at random. The second mode, Drive-Stun, utilizes pain to render a subject compliant.”

“I don’t like any of those words,” Kol said, biting his lip.

“You know what I don’t like? I don’t like being proved wrong!” You exclaimed. “I thought I could trust you!”

“You can trust me!” He insisted.

“Trust you to hurt my friends, you mean?” You challenged.

“Friends?” He scoffed. “That’s a nice word for people who leave you to die, isn’t it?”

“They didn’t-”

“How long’s it been since they scarpered off like rats? Have they even bothered to call you - make sure you’re alright?” He wondered. If your watch was correct - three hours was the answer he was fishing for. And he was right. They hadn’t. They hadn’t called, they hadn’t texted, they had done nothing. His eyes burrowed into yours, begging you to see what you’d known all along. “They don’t care about you.”

He was wrong. Jeremy cared about you. Jeremy had to care about you. No one else did.

You clenched your jaw.

"Shut up." You sent another 20,000 volts through him again. Kol groaned but he wasn't done.

"You know, I think they'd be relieved if I killed you?" He said, panting.

"Shut. Up." ZAP!

"I would never hurt you. But they don't know that. They wouldn't leave you with me if they knew - there would be no point."

"Stop it." ZAP!

"You know what they think, darling?" Kol wet his lips, shaking his head. His voice was so soft - so gentle. You didn't deserve that. "Sweetheart, I can tell you what they think," He offered.

"Stop talking." You shook your head, feeling the tears slip down your cheeks. Who else did you really have? "I don't wanna hear it. Just stop!" ZAP!

"They think you could snap at any moment. And it terrifies them."

Why was everyone always scared of you? What did you ever do? You had only ever tried to help.

"I said stop talking!" ZAP!

Half of you wanted to shock him until he passed out, but you had to release the trigger early because Kol threw his head back and screamed and it just sounded so damn familiar. You couldn't stand to hear it. The firm set of your lips dissolved, your hands shook, and your convictions wavered. Kol relaxed, panting. It wasn't pity in his eyes when he looked up at you. It was compassion - kinship.

"Darling, if I killed you, they wouldn't have to worry about you switching sides - about choosing the person who actually cares about you over them," The boy said.

You didn't pull the trigger that time.

"Y-you care? About me?" There were tears in your eyes. You hadn't cried in years.

"I would never hurt you," He repeated, breaths ragged, voice strained. "I would never allow you to be hurt. Can you say the same of them?" All you could do was shake your head. "You don't want to do this, Y/N, I can see it in your eyes. You are capable of so much and it terrifies them. See, you and I are the same that way. Don't let them manipulate you, darling."

His logic bested yours.

You had always carried a knife in your bag. You pulled it out now. Kol eyed the blade with a cautious gaze, but there was no reason to. You knelt beside the chair and cut the duct tape holding him down. Within a blink, you found yourself wrapped in Kol’s arms.

His lips attacked your skin. He spared a kiss to your throat, another on your cheek, and the last found the corner of your lips - harsh and needy and passionate though he couldn't enjoy you for long. The embrace was brief, as your clothes and skin burned him, but it was nice all the same.

“I don’t know where they’re going,” You said, rubbing your wrist. You’d been torturing him, yet here he stood, gazing at you as if you were the world.

“That’s alright,” Kol smirked. “I do.”

***

Five and a half hours later, you and Kol were still driving through rural Kansas. You were in control of the Aux and introducing the thousand-year-old to some of the best music to ever exist. Currently on that list was Whole Wide World by Cage the Elephant. You were staring out the window, but you could feel Kol’s gaze shift to you every now and then.

I’d go the whole wide world

I’d go the whole world just to find her

I’d go the whole wide world

I’d go the whole wide world to find out where they hide her

Then Kol turned the car off. He was still looking at you and you could feel your cheeks heating up. He’d stopped the car in front of a large house that looked like it hadn’t been cleaned since it was built.

“So who is this lady?” You asked, avoiding what you actually wanted to ask entirely.

“Mary Porter was a pretty young maiden my family and I came across in the fourteen hundreds,” Kol answered. “My brothers and I all favored her, so did Rebekah now that I think about it…” He shook his head. “Anyway, Mary sired Rose and Klaus sired Mary. But if Elena and her posey know that they’re likely to murder me and the rest of my family and try to dump Nik in the ocean or something. So if we kill Mary, they’ll never know who they can murder.”

“Yet you trust me enough for me to know?” You left the statement as a question, asking many things at once.

“I hope I do something truly awful for you to run back to the people who would rather have you dead,” Kol said. “So, yes. I trust you.”

It was now or never.

“Back at the school, you uh… you said… You said you cared about me.” You had a difficult time forcing the words out. “Did you mean it?”

“I did… and I do.” He nodded, with the slightest smile. “I don’t know if it’s love - to be honest, I don’t know what love feels like… but I’d certainly like to find out.”

You smiled. “Me too.” Kol grinned and opened his door, snatching the broken baseball bat Damon had impaled him on from the backseat.

“I’m gonna go kill someone,” He announced, jabbing his thumb at the house. “I’ll come get you when I’m done.”

“Have fun!” You called out. He just laughed and jogged to the house. You messed around on your phone while you waited for him to come back. A few minutes later, you heard a tap on your window and grinned. The second you stepped out of the car, Kol’s lips were on yours. He kept his hands off you, not wanting to get burned, but maybe that was the moment you weren’t a good girl anymore. That was probably the moment you switched sides for good.

“Do you have to be so dramatic about it?” You asked, rolling your eyes as Kol turned off the lights to lay in wait for Damon and Elena to find Mary’s body which he’d tacked to the wall with the same broken baseball bat Damon had used to run him through with.

“Dramatic is fun,” Kol scolded playfully, planting another kiss on your lips before taking a seat. He’d kept the aluminum baseball bat and planned to beat the tar out of Damon with it - a plan you endorsed wholeheartedly.

“Can't argue with that!” You flopped onto what had previously been Mary’s bed and continued playing around on your phone. The front door of the house opened with a loud squeal and you smirked. A few minutes later, Damon and Elena entered the room, shining a flashlight on Mary Porter’s body.

“Mary,” Damon sighed.

“Quite contrary,” Kol finished, flicking on the lights.

“Drama queen,” You muttered, Kol flashed you a grin and got up. Elena stumbled away from him, eyes on you.

“Y/N?” She looked surprised… and disappointed. Kol had been right.

“Hey there, Elena.” You smirked but there was nothing happy about your expression. “Bet you didn’t think you’d be seeing me again.”

And she had the audacity to act confused. “W-what do you mean?”

“You left me to die!” You accused, bolting up. Damon tried putting a hand on your shoulder but you shook it off.

“Come on, Y/N. We knew you could protect yourself,” He scoffed.

“But you didn’t expect me to. You wanted this guy to kill me!” You said, fully intending to deck one or both of them.

“I didn’t, though!” The original pipped up. “You’re welcome!”

“That’s ridiculous!” Elena said.

“I’ll admit it was clever,” You spat. “Use me to slow him down a bit and then use him to kill me and rid yourselves of one more problem.”

“I would never-” You cut her off.

“You’ve wanted me out of Jeremy’s life since the first grade, Elena Gilbert!” You shouted. “Kol just gave you an excuse to get rid of me. An excuse Jeremy wouldn’t question.”

She shook her head. “Did you help him do this?” She demanded, gesturing to Mary’s corpse.

“Why don’t you ask him?” You retorted, glaring with all your hatred of that girl. Elena looked at Kol and he just shrugged.

“Shame about Mary, she used to be a blast. I don’t quite know what happened!” He said, grinning cheekily and moving to stand in front of the cadaver.

“You stabbed her,” You chimed.

“Ah, yes, that’s right!” He chuckled pretending to remember. “You know, I fear all the time she spent with my family might have ruined her… She was a bit of an original groupie.”

You shot him a look. “How do you even know that word?”

“You say that as if I’m some naughty child, darling!” He grinned.

“Aren’t you?”

“Alright, maybe a little.”

Then Elena was talking again. “Were you her favorite?”

“You mean did I turn her?” Kol pretended to think. “I think I did… But no, wait! Maybe it was Rebekah… There was also a Klaus period and let's not forget the Elijah affair.” His smile dropped. “I spoke to my brother, I know you’re trying to figure out who you’re descended from… Well, now you never will.”

“Too bad Elena! Looks like you can’t massacre hundreds of thousands of vampires now!” You mocked, grinning like a madwoman.

“You’re on their side now?” She gasped.

"I thought that was a little obvious, but yeah," You sneered. "Maybe this'll teach you to treat your allies better."

"I doubt it." Kol smirked and wrapped an arm around your shoulder leaning down to kiss you again - deeply, passionately - just to rub it in Elena's face.

"That's just vile." Damon grimaced. Kol broke away from devouring your lips to flash a smile that was all teeth.

"Isn't it just?" He taunted. “So! Where did we leave off?” He tapped the bat against his knee and without warning, swung, taking out Damon’s knee. Damon fell on his hands but Kol swung again and broke his arms as well.

“Elena, get out of here!” Damon cried out, quite pathetically you might add, from his position on the floor. Elena tried to run but Kol dashed in front of her.

“According to my brother, you’re off-limits,” He said, sounding rather bored with that fact. “Please don’t test me.” Then he shoved her back and you caught the girl in a headlock.

“Guess I just snapped, didn’t I?” You growled. Damon shot up and grabbed Kol by the neck.

“Don’t touch her,” He spat. Kol pouted and threw his head forward with enough force to send Damon stumbling back.

“Oh dear, love,” He laughed, glancing at you. “I think we’ve hit a nerve!”

“Good! Hit it some more!” You called back, tightening your grip on Elena’s throat. Kol smirked and turned back to Damon.

“Relax, darling! I just want us to be even. You snapped my neck, you killed my brother… and then you humiliated me.” You forced Elena to watch as Kol brought the baseball bat down on Damon’s back. Once…Twice…Three times. “There, now we’re even.” He held a hand out to you and, releasing Elena so she could run to her not-boyfriend, you took a hold of his sleeve. That was the moment you changed. You were done being used. Pausing for a moment, you turned back as you left the room.

“I warned you what would happen, Damon, if you ever tried to use me again. Too bad you didn’t listen, eh?”

Your journey continues here...

Tagging: @yn-ymn-yln @r13mar @railingsofsorrow @hellotvshowtrash