#AND WEEPY ABOUT HIM BEING ANXIOUS

[halinski]

.

[st-danger]

Dew x Swiss heat? Maybe a little bit shame?

Dew can’t bring himself to ask for help with his heat so he’s been sneaking things he’s scented into Swiss’ nest in the hope it triggers his own and gets caught

It isn't that heats are embarrassing. Not really. It's something that happens to all of them Above Ground. In all honesty, Dew enjoys it- when it's happening to someone else. He likes it when Aether gets weepy with need and pleads for Dew to knot him. He likes it when Rain whines and shivers and they all get to lie him down and work him through it with knowing hands. He likes watching their pleasure and finding some for himself, whether in their waiting mouths or inside their body that's been running too hot for too long.

He does not like when it happens to him. He does not like being on this side of things, where he loses control.

There's something frightening about it, even though he knows he'll be well-fucked and taken care of. For as much as he adores seeing Swiss and Cumulus mindlessly begging and grinding, he hates living that lack of control. He'll watch it all day every day and jerk himself raw while observing, make no mistake- but he doesn't care to be the one writhing around, at the mercy of the burning low in his belly.

Alone in Swiss's room, Dew sweats, fingers trembling finely as they grab Swiss's pillow, so he can nuzzle it. Shoving his face into the down, smelling him. Rubbing his face all over it. It looks ridiculous, he knows, standing in front of his bed and trying to inhale the lingering traces of cedar-scented shampoo, trying to replace it with his own heat-drenched scent.

It's easier than asking outright. Easier for him to find this, even if it's hours later, and go looking for Dew. Easier for Swiss to find him and offer to shove his knot inside and milk him for all he's worth than it is for Dew to ask to ride it.

It's been creeping on for a few hours now; he's not naive enough to believe that the others haven't already sussed out what's happening. Nobody's stupid. He knows the way Mountain looked at him earlier. He saw the way Papa glanced at him at the end of practice as he'd been speaking with Aether. He'd locked himself in his room after, gotten less than a minute of pumping on his cock before cumming, and the relief he'd felt was so short lived. Now, he's hard and anxious and nothing feels like it will ever be enough, ever again.

He could ask. He could ask and Swiss would take care of him.

He really doesn't want to ask.

He sets the pillow back down, and leaves. Gets a hand on the door and makes it down the hall, almost doubling over when another wicked flare of pleasure boils through him and licks at every nerve. Stumbles, then, hard and scowling, and manages to throw his own room open. Barely. Collapses inside and shuts the door, leaning heavily against it while he works his pants open.

It takes him another minute more, maybe. If that. He pulses in his hand and squirts and dribbles all over his knuckles, blood-hot and sticky and almost bites through his cheek.

The knock on the door is unexpected. He jumps.

"Dew," Swiss growls. "Open up."

Dick still in hand, Dew hesitates, dazed. Heat-stupid. Embarrassed.

"Can smell you," Swiss says from the other side, voice muffled but no less alluring. "Open up and let me come inside."

The wording is, of course, intentional.

Still on his knees, he cracks the door and sees wild, golden eyes peering down.

[aesopcatt]

Hello! I've come across your post and was curious:)

Luca, Victor, Andrew, Matthias, Norton, Florian, Weepy x reader(not s/o) headcanons/oneshots/anyway you like but if I can be a little more specific, a shy/anxious reader?:)

The characters listed are just examples, you can remove, add, or choose whoever you want^^ I just like being a little specific but I completely do not mind with changes to your personal preferences. Thank you!!<333 Have a wonderful day💜💜

Andrew, Matthias, and Weepy With A Shy/Anxious Reader (Platonic)

(A/N)

Ofcc thank you for the request! I'll definitely make a part two with the other characters! i just wanted to make sure I got your request out in a short time!

Andrew Kreiss

-I feel like Andrew would do better with a shy friend. He likes being able to relate to them.

-But, if their anxious about something, Andrew will try to help them calm down. He'll try his best, using things that help him calm down.

-If anyone tries to make fun of them for their shy nature, Andrew isn't scared to stick up for them. He may have a generally shy deminer, but he can be mean when he wants to.

-In social settings, if they get overwhelmed, he takes them out of the situation.

-If their still kind of quiet even after he gets to know them, he's fine, just sitting in silence and enjoying his time with them.

-However, if they do get more talkative when he gets to know them, he loves listening to them talk for hours.

Matthias Czernin

-Matthias finds that he does better around other shy people.

-I feel like Matthias also gets anxious and quite easily at that. So he prefers someone not as loud.

-Matthias isn't very good at calming himself down, let alone someone else, so he can't help much during a panic attack.

-When they get closer to Matthias, he loves to talk about and show off his puppets.

-He tries to keep Louis away from them. He doesn't want him around since he is scared of him ruining his friendships.

-If their getting made fun of, Matthias won't really know what to do. I don't think he'll say anything, but their definitely not getting saved in matches now.

-Matthias will avoid most big social gatherings in general, so he'll 100% skip anything with them.

Weepy

-Weepy finds their shyness cute. He's just happy they want to be friends with him he doesn't care if their shy or not.

-If they have a panic attack, he doesn't really know what to do, but he'll try his best.

-Weepy loves listening to anything they have to say. He also loves talking If their not talkative.

-Weepy loves trying to make them laugh.

-If their getting made fun of, Weepy will comfort them, but he probably won't say anything directly. He'll also send them towards the hunter with his rocket.

-Weepy is quite anxious himself, so he relates to how they feel.

(Sorry if it's kinda short or not what you wanted 😿 feel free to give criticism)

[moonmanatee]

wip snip tag

@saintgarbanzo tagged me to share a snip of a wip! Which I haven’t done before but I’m getting really excited about this one and looking forward to being able to share and chat about it during the process. Read chickpea’s snip here!

So. This is my Parent Trap AU. Harry takes on Teddy, Draco has Scorp, and for a short time they’re a family. Then they panic, Harry escapes to CA with Ted while Draco and Scorpius stay in London. The boys meet at Hogwarts, swap places, try to get their dads back together.

Featuring: t4t amiable exes Draco and Astoria, Luna as Chessy, disheveled Harry cooking Indian food, glamorous wedding dress designer Draco, pranks and shenanigans and body swaps, sweet anxious teenaged Teddy and Scorp, and more and more.

I tend to move slowly and I’m still near the beginning of the process, so if anyone is as caught by this concept as I am and wants to cheer-read or beta or bounce ideas, hmu! Here’s some weepy angst.

“Really, Harry? You picked her? She’s so…” Draco trails off, grimacing.

Harry meets Draco’s gaze, allows his own to fill with the loneliness, the longing, the betrayal and hope. He drags down every last wall he’s carefully plastered together over the years, in the absence of Draco. He lets the stone and mortar crumble until all that’s left is the old growth. Thriving still, and achingly raw as though it’s new.

“Draco. You didn’t want me.”

He watches Draco’s eyes change, fill, as the realisation sweeps over him. Watches him rock back on his heels, unsteady, and then forward again until he’s caught Harry’s elbows in his palms.

“You didn’t want… You didn’t want us, Draco.”

I’ll tag @basicallyahedgehog @sorrybutblog @geesenoises and @academicdisasterfic if anyone has snips to share!

[sincerely-sofie]

I just realized something, wouldn’t Ruby’s situation also bring back a lot of parallels with the whole situation with Team Skull ?

Imagine Uncle Skuntank learning about all of this, and while of course, Ruby’s situation is a lot more dire than Kip was, he recognizes the bullying, the contempt, the « I will leave you for dead in the Mystery Dungeon and it’s your own fault ».

He’s horrified.

That realization would be what pushes him to finally apologize, for real.

This is something I’ve been thinking about too! With how much Opal adores Team Skull, she’d introduce Ruby to them the second they stopped by after she became a part of their household— whereupon they’d swiftly learn that their teasing doesn’t sit well with the new kid when she bursts into tears despite her efforts to keep up a brave face, and would snap to handle her with kid gloves from then on.

Koffing and Zubat notice the similarities on their own— they picked on Kip all the time as they were growing up, and even if they can’t place the exact reason why, Ruby makes them think of some kind of funhouse mirror reflection of Kip. It worries them. Skuntank takes a while longer to catch on to there being more to Ruby than just being a skittish kid who starts shaking when she’s jokingly called a brat— and he sees more similarities to Twig than to Kip.

By the time Skuntank came along and Team Skull was formed, Kip was a lot more confident. He was still an anxious pushover, but he was able to hold conversations and assert himself with a good deal of courage as long as Twig was around. Skuntank didn’t know Kip as the incurable scaredy-cat that Koffing and Zubat see a magnified reflection of in Ruby. When Skuntank figures out Ruby has something from her past that’s got her so skittish, it’s because he remembers seeing Twig hiding behind the vacant counter of Chimecho’s Assembly in the middle of the night one evening when he got hungry and decided to raid the Guild larder. She was crying. He was so weirded out by this when he’d never seen her so much as sniffle, no matter how weepy-eyed Kip got when he was frustrated with their jobs, that he left back to the dorms without grabbing anything to eat. It’s not the dead of night, he’s not starving for a real dinner, and he’s not stumbling across a charmander that had gotten an earful for threatening his life in response to a prank… but finding a zorua who knows how to cry almost silently hiding under a bush outside Twig’s place is close enough to make him recall the memory.

He’s unusually solemn when he and his partners return to their home, and over the following days he’s uncharacteristically quiet. He hears Kip is coming into town and pulls him aside on his way to Twig’s house when he does. Kip is wary as he always is when Team Skull are inevitably planning some cruel joke, but is startled when Skuntank apologizes to him for what he put him through. He rambles a bit as he does so, and mentions Koffing and Zubat hoping that Twig and Kip had forgotten about everything when they were apprentices, but he doesn’t think they have, and… and… Arceus, he’s sorry, Kip.

Kip is disoriented by the exchange and numbly thanks him. Skuntank leaves, muttering about how now he’s got to figure out how to apologize to Twig, and he’s not looking forward to it.

It takes a few moments of standing there in shock, but Kip dazedly realizes Skuntank finally got his name right.

[heathenpoetry]

So sorry if this is an annoying or repetitive question, but I’m in a similar family situation and I was curious if you experience maternal feelings toward your brother? Or if the knowledge that he is your brother and not your son is enough to stave this off? I’ve read accounts from surrogates where they develop a maternal attachment during pregnancy that makes the handoff of the baby really difficult. Was it easier since you’re not really being separated from your brother after birth? Again I’m sorry if this is something you’re tired of explaining, one of your posts about it floated across my dash and scrolling your blog for a while I haven’t seen any posts about it that could answer my questions without directly asking. Have a good one

hi! happy to answer, especially if it helps you in some way

to clarify, just in case: what i did isnt considered a surrogacy, but a gestational carry, because my own eggs were not used in any way. surrogacy, from my understanding now (because i had no idea there was a difference or that surrogacy entailed horrors when i started this ~1.5yr ago) is when a woman gives her own genetic material in the creation of the child, carries it, then the child is removed from her and raised by someone else. what i did was have a lil test tube guy, a week old fetus basically, implanted into me, a fetus that belongs(ed? he ain't a fetus no more) to my parents. all i did was help my mom out with gestating him. basically.

anyway to answer you: i've had a heavy hand in raising all of my siblings since i was about 12 years old so i think i have a weird relationship with maternalist feelings but i'll do my best to answer as clearly as i can because for me those waters are a bit muddied. for me the most clearly maternal i felt was immediately post-birth and i will explain. the entire time i was pregnant i was fine, i had a wonderful peaceful easy pregnancy (im pretty sure comparably, aside from a couple gallbladder attacks) without much stress or anxiety mostly, but the minute i saw him, and specifically saw other people, medical professionals, touching him, i got extremely emotional like rapturously overjoyed and then also extremely anxious. they had to take him a few times for a few tests, some examinations, a bath, et c., and i remember getting overwhelmingly anxious and upset that he was apart from me and that they could possibly hurt him because a lot of them are dumb as fuck but that's a separate grievance for another time

im lucky in that i have him half of the time, im with him during the night and early day and my mom is very very freely giving with him and i am as much involved as she and my dad are, just like with my other siblings. the first night i was home he was with my mom and i couldn't sleep just weepy and wondering what he was doing. literally. wondering what a newborn was doing lol. but after a few days for me this wore off as my hormones settled and my anxiety and worry relaxed about him getting hurt, that was a constant fear for the first like 4 or 5 days for me. sleeping helped my body and mind return to normalcy, i had a c-section so i am still recovering from that and my physical inability at the time also had something to do with my fears i think, i had this sense of inadequacy that i would fail him and being physically vulnerable didn't help

overall now, im fine i think. ask me again in a couple months though, who knows about then. i definitely get all the time with him i want or need. my mom from the beginning has been discussing the possible difficulty with me and i think ive organized things mentally well enough. i never thought of him as anything but my brother so i think that helped as well, i think if i wouldve basically poisoned myself into considering him to be my child it would've made things a million times harder as well as that being biologically untrue.

my parents trusted me to do this extremely important thing for them because i volunteered several times over the course of years and have worked to prove my responsibility to them. so it really felt like an act of love for me, i love them, i love my other siblings, i love the baby, i love everyone. all i wanted was to give more. and from the beginning my parents told me this isn't just their baby, it's 'our' baby, as in my whole family. thinking about it that way helped me too.

i hope this helped. i was very scared at some points and very nervous or fearful but nothing was ever as bad as i thought and i was never presented with anything i couldnt handle. please if you need or want to, come off anon and talk to me. im here for you if you need it, even if it is still anonymous but we are able to talk privately and i can do whatever i can to help, i'd be more than happy to. thank you for coming to me, i hope with all my heart that you're okay and your family too

[safetycar-restart]

I'M HERE

i've briefly talked about this before, but the image of brushing and drying charles' hair after you help him wash it has me REELING

charles loves being touched, both sexually and non-sexually. and he loooves the feeling of your hands in his hair! it's so soothing and always helps him feel calm and safe and sleepy.

so you wash his hair for him whenever he wants! you softly massage the shampoo into his scalp, washing his hair thoroughly while also giving him a mini massage. but his favorite part is you drying it!

charles usually lets his hair air-dry, but sometimes he wants you to do it for him. he doesn't like the blow-dryer to be at it's hottest setting, because it makes his head hurt and the heat gets in his eyes and it's just a big no no! but he doesn't like the coldest setting either, he likes the medium on. he likes the feeling of you ruffling his hair to dry it, and how you brush it and how fluffy it is every time you wash it for him!

he sits criss cross applesauce in front of you, on the bed, and you're behind him on your knees, moving as you need. you leave little kisses on his cheeks, forehead or the top of his head randomly, just to get a giggle out of him.

you make sure to be careful while brushing his hair, so it doesn't get tangled or you don't pull at his hair too hard, because he's a very sensitive little boy!

then comes mandatory head pats and hair stroking, his hair is so soft and fluffy, like a cloud! and he loves how your hand feels in it. perfect way to fall asleep.

PLS I LOVE THIS!!! This is so cute and so fluffy oh my god.

Firstly, one of Charles’s love languages (he has hundreds) is playing with your hair. His mom is a hair dresser, and she taught him exactly how to brush and wash hair.

And since we all know Charles adores acts of service, doing your hair for you is perfect for him because it’s something he’s genuinely confident in so he feels calm doing it? As opposed to something like cooking where yes he can serve you, but he’ll be an anxious mess the entire time.

And the other thing with Charles, is that you taking the effort to reciprocate the things he does for you just makes him feel so so special? It means even more than when you do something completely different.

So when you offer to wash his hair for him, he always gets all soft and weepy. Cause he does that for you!! And now you’re doing it for him!! So many emotions!!!

You always wake your time with it, massaging his head as well as washing it.

And you do it in the bath! You use the handheld shower head to make sure no water or shampoo gets in his eyes and he gets to sit in the warm water whine you do it. He feels so nice and so so safe. Once or twice you’ve washed his hair when staying at a hotel that only had a shower and while he still loved it, it wasn’t nearly as nice cause he couldn’t sit in the w water with you and he had to tilt his own head back to rinse it (which is a big no no for Charlie!!! You must do everything!!!)

But that doesn’t even matter because you always dry his hair for him. He’s tried drying it himself before and he just doesn’t like it? He has to hold the hairdryer at such weird angles and he can’t get the temperature right and it’s just not a fun time.

However he LOVES when you dry his hair.

Cause he can just sit there and you always get the temperature perfect, it can’t be too hot!! He’s very sensitive and that includes his scalp, especially when it’s you doing it cause he’s always extra sensitive with you.

But that’s okay, but you always make it perfect.

He sits with his legs crossed, closes his eyes and just lets you try his hair. It’s so nice!!! He can feel your hands in his hair and the air on his scalp and every now and then you stop to kiss his shoulders and chin and it’s so good.

Sometimes he’ll turn his head to look at you, a silent request for a kiss and then you always put the hairdryer off and give him a nice kiss. It makes him feel all warm and giggly? He’s just so in love.

And then it’s time to brush! You’re so gentle with him, using your fingers if you suspect a tangle to gently take the tangle apart without hurting him.

Even though he loves having his hair pulled during scenes, not now. Absolutely not now. Now he’s all soft and sensitive, completely vulnerable and any pulling on his hair will make him cry. So you’re extra careful.

Once his hair is all brushed, you brush it for a bit longer just because you know he loves how the brush feels against his scalp and you’re always willing to humour him.

And then cuddles!!! So many cuddles!!

His absolute FAVOURITE way to end nights like that is you reading to him? He cuddles into your side, his fluffy hair resting against your shoulder as you read to him. He loves it so so much.

[msmargaretmurry]

E, K, V for the writing meme ❤️

thank you for asking my dear!! 💕

e. What character do you identify with most?  Is there a certain fic of yours that captures these qualities particularly well?

i wouldn't say that there's a specific character who i identify with the most as much as all of my characters end up with little pieces of me in them. like in haw, the pressure matthew feels to live the kind of life his family/the world expects is something i super relate to. and i'm also a very anxious person so his anxiety in that fic was something that i identified with, even though the way his manifests and the ways he deals with it are not quite the same as mine. or in tnno, dylan's wariness and resistance to forgiving someone he loves who hurt him very badly — definitely something i identify with. part of the reason i'm enjoying writing my girl!quinn fic so much is that she has a lot of issues around navigating femininity that are similar to my own! that is something i really love about writing, tbh, is being able to take pieces of myself and kind of filter them through a new experience and see them through my characters' eyes.

k. Do you have a guilty pleasures in fic (reading or writing)?

not really, honestly, because i don't really believe in guilty pleasures? like if i like it then i like it, i don't need to be weird about it 😂 i am cringe but i am free, etc. and i think fic is a medium that's uniquely suited to people just trying shit and having fun and leaning into self-indulgence, and i love to see that. i briefly thought of cisswap/rule 63 as a guilty pleasure but then i decided to lean into it instead. i guess some things that could go here are like, i really love when a fic leans HARD into hurt/comfort. i love when people write weird and/or super self-indulgent porn. i really enjoy a slightly fucked-up power dynamic. given how much i hate to see hockey injuries irl perhaps i should not love a good career-ending injury fic so much but what can i say. the heart wants what it wants.

v. Are there certain comments you’ve received on your stories that have stuck with you?

yes for sure! first of all i go back to reread my comments fairly often — at least a few times a year, especially if i'm struggling with writing — so i've read a lot of them a bunch of times, which makes them memorable. especially the longer ones or partituclarly thoughtful ones, when people really dig into the writing/themes of the fic or share very personal ways the fic resonated with them (i got a couple of these re: how matthew comes out to brady in haw, which did make me a little weepy. also some really lovely comments on tnno from people who have gone through complicated friend breakups.) someone left a super super long comment on tnno once breaking it down literary analysis style that i think about SO much because it was so fun and touching to read.

[flowerpotmage]

Hello flowerpot! I'm glad that your ask box is open.

What sort of close friend do you think Aemond, Aegon and/or would Daemon be?

Hiii!! This is very interesting to think about tbh! I was thinking about it, and obviously we aren't reeeally shown any of them having non-familial based friendships.

This got long because I'm sooooooo normal, so headcanons below the cut

Daemon is particularly interesting in my mind, because I don't think he's ever had a real friendship of any sort. The closest I think he's gotten to having a friend is probably when he was in charge of the gold cloaks and when he was off at the stepstones. But even then I think it only went as far as camaraderie: these were men he was in charge of, working with, fighting alongside. There might be a bond there for sure, but I don't think it was ever something I'd call friendship. I see Daemon as exceptionally hierarchical, he sees everyone inseparably from their place on the hierarchy, and I think that would carry into any start of true friendship he might encounter. I think the start of any friendship worth its salt with Daemon might have a perplexing start.

He definitely wouldn't be the sort of friend that would pull figurative punches, he's definitely the sort to be brutally honest - but in a close friendship he wouldn't be needlessly cruel. He might say shit that'd hurt your feelings, and he might apologize for the delivery (rarely, more likely if called out on saying something shitty), but never for the content of what he's said. I do think he'd be pretty loyal to anyone he deemed worthy of being a close friend - until he had something major, and i mean major to gain. That aside, I think he'd be decently trustworthy and do his very best to keep his word to a close friend. There'd always be a little bit of a power imbalance in the friendship, what with him being a Targ prince and all, but I think there'd be respect regardless. Show him loyalty in the friendship and he'll do the same.

Now, have you ever had that friend that texts you 30 minutes to 9pm and tells you they're gonna be there at 9 to pick you up and go to bars with three other people until 2am? That's Aegon. Any close friend of his is probably constantly being dragged into his party boy antics (Aemond voice: depravity), or he's at least attempting to drag them into it. You have to be down to drink with him, or else there's no way he's spending enough time around you for any real friendship to start. Honestly I see a close friendship with him starting because he got a little too sad!drunk and whoever was around that was nice ended up taking care of his messy weepy pathetic little meow meow ass (affectionate)(derogatory) and they had some sort of heart to heart bonding moment.

I see Aegon doing silly things to express his platonic affection: kind gestures or gifts wrapped in the shape of a joke or a prank to cover up the sincerity ("hashtag no homo" vibes). He'd help you cover up any fuck ups you get anxious about with a casual wave of his hand, a pouch of coin, and pushing you to sit and join him for a drink in his solar type vibes.

Aemond, shockingly, I think would be the healthiest close friend. Loyal, serious af, wants to just talk about princely Targaryen nonsense like his studies, his training, he'd vent about Aegon, and he'd be interested in his friend's life in return. He'd be a more tactful about his opinions than Daemon, but he wouldn't coddle your feelings either and he'd be honest about pretty much everything. This is the friend you play board games with and talk about like, your feelings about god with and how you feel about how your life is going. A little pretentious, but takes you seriously too. I do think there would be like... Similar to Daemon, even with a close friend the power imbalance is always under the surface but he's chill about it 99% of the time

[nellie-elizabeth]

His Dark Materials: The Clouded Mountain (3x07)

Dayummmm I'm gonna cry so much when I watch the last episode, it's not even funny...

Cons:

The thing is, this show never should have tried to pull off an action movie. The special effects don't pass muster, they're forced to rely on shortcuts that just aren't all that visually interesting... angels and witches are having an epic battle but we can't really see it, human troops are valiantly dying for the cause but it's in dark snippets we can barely focus on. The Gallivespians continue to have not enough to do. It's not a matter of what's on the screen being bad, so much as it is a matter of them not being able to put stuff on the screen that should be there, if they really want it to.

Underpinning this problem with effects is a bigger one of Asriel's motivations. This whole time, his vendetta against God himself has been sort of a weak point. In the books, Asriel is more of a distant figure. By giving him so much screen-time in this final season, we sort of shine a spotlight on the fact that his whole war is a little silly and kind of useless. In the end, it's all about Lyra and the prophecy. So why is Asriel bothering with all of this? Is it just a distraction, a la the battle at the black gates in The Lord of the Rings, so Frodo can destroy the ring, or in this case, so Eve has the chance to "fall" the way she's destined to do? I don't know. When you really look at it, kinda weaksauce.

Also, Metatron ended up being kind of anticlimactic as a villain. He's just some name that we hear, then we meet him as a force of destruction, and then he's just Some Dude that our heroes of the hour can defeat by pushing off the side of a cliff. Meh.

Pros:

That stuff probably makes it sound like I didn't like this episode, but honestly for all my talk of how the finale will make me cry, this one got me weepy as well.

Starting with Will and Lyra, who took a backseat this episode. Their main role is getting reunited with their daemons. We get to see Will's daemon for the first time, and we're reintroduced to Pan who is... deeply hurt and betrayed still by Lyra's decision to leave him behind. We get this reunion moment but it's not fulfilled; it's painful and there's agony and longing on both sides, and then more plot stuff happens which means we're still unresolved with that. I loved the way Will reacted to the first sight of his daemon. Like meeting a friend he'd forgotten he once knew so well. Quietly beautiful.

I also want to mention Will and Lyra killing God. It's such a quick moment, anticlimactic, and the kids don't even know what they've just done. They set an old creature free, let him go to a merciful rest. It's a blink-and-you-miss-it moment, here in the show and honestly in the book as well. That's just as it should be.

The rest of this review is just going to be about Marisa and Asriel, are you surprised? Knowing this was coming, I was anxious about how it was going to play out. I've been praising the performances from these actors from the jump, and the writing for Mrs. Coulter has been one of the most intriguing, gorgeous parts of the whole show. The writing and use of Asriel has been a little more hit and miss. McAvoy does a great job giving Asriel the presence and gravitas he needs to have, but his mission and his goals and his wishy-washy-ness about his priorities has made his build to this final moment a little less satisfying than what we've got going on with Marisa.

But that said, it all becomes so worth it to me for those moments at the very end. Mrs. Coulter, playing mind games one final time, against an adversary more formidable than any other. She uses her real feelings of pain in order to trick Metatron. Asriel is on the ground, weeping and weak, and Mrs. Coulter approaches him to "gloat." And then her daemon, left behind, deploys a weapon that turns everything on its head, and Asriel, Marisa, and Stelmaria together are able to knock Metatron into the Abyss from whence there shall be no return for any of them.

Just... the beauty of Marisa and Asriel doing this for their daughter, giving up everything so Lyra can save the day, both of them finding selflessness within them but only just in time to give their lives for a greater goal... this element of the books always gives me goosebumps and they did a properly epic job of depicting it here. The real gut-punch comes with the golden monkey, Marisa's daemon reaching out to touch Lyra in his final moments, but fading away into dust before their hands can connect. Lyra watches the moment her mother's soul ceases to be, and knows herself orphaned.

And... yeah. We're setting the stage for the finale to be the emotional center of the story, to focus on Lyra and Will where the focus should ultimately be. This episode wasn't some strong pinnacle of everything TV can be. I had my problems with it. But the stuff that worked about it was so strong that I was just happy to be there to see those elements, at the end of the day!

8/10

[vancilocs]

long time no london gang and some vikas and raven mayhaps? odd numbers this time?

every number is odd and creepy to me

1. Who most initiates PDA?

Flint and Rashmi mainly, Rashmi is always sitting on someone's lap

They don't do PDA, they don't even go out really

3. Hot and Steamy or Soft and Tender?

A heaping helping of both, always need a lot of tenderness but sometimes go wild

Vikas brings in as much tenderness as Raven allows but he's mainly comfortable with just steaminess at first

5. What is their love language?

Acts of service, physical affection and quality time from all, Rashmi is big on verbal affection (Flint substitutes with physical affection bc he can't talk)

Acts of service and physical affection

7. Who is more sentimental?

Flint reminisces a lot and doesn't shy away from showing his affection, Scott gets all weepy when he does that and Rashmi just thinks it's cute

Raven thinks Vikas romanticizes the past too much and doesn't want to talk about the old days, clean slate bro

9. How are their personalities different?

Scott is very guarded and introverted, Rashmi and Flint are both outgoing extroverts and Flint could listen to Rashmi chat and try to contribute way into the night while Scott crawls into the bedroom to hide way early

Vikas is more outgoing, he's not a megaextrovert but he's chattier and much more approachable, radiates energy of someone who's easy to talk to, Raven is very quiet and looks like someone who will rather bite than talk. Both are performers but in a very different way, Raven plays a gig and leaves the bar after one pint while Vikas spends his nights taking contact with as many people as he can

11. Which member is more physically affectionate?

Flint and Rashmi

Vikas

13. Which member steals borrows the other ones clothing?

Rashmi steals from both of the boys

Raven doesn't give Vikas the opportunity

15. Who is more likely to make an impulsive decision and who is the voice of reason?

Scott is the impulsive one, enabled by Flint, Rashmi has to jump in

Raven's impulsive decisions involve sleeping with Vikas and he's more than happy to just enable

17. Who fell in love first?

Scott in a "nobody has been this kind to me before"-way

Raven years ago, socially stunted, awkward and gay, getting signals from attractive younger bad boy

19. How do they deal with being away from each other for a long time?

Scott cuddles the cats and just lies down, Flint goes on a walk or to hang out with the knights at their pub, Rashmi does paperwork and goes to the pub

Vikas worries a bit, wants to text but doesn't want to risk spooking Raven. Raven distracts himself with piano or work

21. Which of the two is quick to speak and which one is quick to listen?

Rashmi's listening skills are what kept the boys together, Flint was quick to talk before but now can't do that anymore so both him and Scott aren't quick to talk either

Vikas thinks everything he's about to say through and they're both good listeners, so Raven's gotten more courage to talk about his feelings too bc he knows Vikas listens

23. Who overthinks the most?

Scott gets anxious and overwhelmed easily

Raven, always thinking there's smth sinister behind what Vikas does

25. Who’s the most stubborn?

Scott and Rashmi both, Flint has to break the stalemate

You can't get a grudge out of Raven he will have to let it go himself

27. What random everyday object/activity makes them think of each other?

Cats are a Scott thing, fixing guns and knives is a Flint thing, paperwork is a Rashmi thing

Vikas got some black tea for his place in case Raven wants to stay overnight some day and sometimes has a cup himself, dangly jewelry and religious stuff makes Raven think of Vikas

29. What is their sex life like?

Flint and Rashmi are mostly the active ones and Scott is fine with this, he's deaf he can sleep even if they go at it in the bed next to him

When Raven feels like it he lets Vikas pick him up and hook up at his place, it's great honestly Vikas is a professional

31. What’s the relationship like? Smooth? Rocky?

Very smooth but it definitely wasn't at the beginning

Kinda rocky, working through it, Raven allows more and more cuddles by the night and they actually talk about their emotions sometimes

33. Who has the most nightmares and how do they deal with them?

Scott is the one with the nightmares, mainly about his past life or about losing either of his partners, he just needs to get cuddles from them and he'll be okay

Raven gets the occasional nightmare, Vikas hasn't been there for those yet but he just takes some sleeping pills to avoid dreams the next time

35. What movies do they enjoy watching most?

Rashmi likes romcoms and Flint indulges her and Scott falls asleep

Raven watches gory horror flicks and Vikas watches either actual good movies or trash cinema with lots of sex scenes

37. What do they like the least about each other?

Flint and Rashmi don't like Scott's way of disappearing when anxious, at least tell us where you're going. Scott and Rashmi don't like it when Flint works himself into a meltdown over his disability, babe don't try to force speech, it only makes it worse. Scott and Flint find Rashmi a bit overbearing at times, we're above the law and deadlines are kinda just suggestions ok

Raven doesn't like how he doesn't feel like he can trust Vikas to stay or be honest about his feelings, you disappeared once already. Vikas won't say it but he gets frustrated about Raven's trust issues and how he won't ask for help when he could use some. When I said suffering is godly I meant it in a kinky way

39. What other couple would your otp get along with the best?

In their own universe probably Kuzey and Alev, bunch of easygoing bisexuals also Alev and Rashmi are both girlbosses

Lyssa and Izkiel probably because they're the easiest to get along in general, Kenzo would just try to get himself into a threesome with Raven and Vikas and ruin everything (and also imagine the awkwardness if Ivy brought Miro for a double date)

[lnights]

Hey Awkward,

I hope you enjoy your concert you’ll make a magnificent Allu I’m certain. ✨

I’ve just had some really sad news and your anxious bat is now a very sad and weepy anxious bat 😥

If you have anything hurt/ heavy comfortish in the tank in the pack/pup AU if really appreciate it- if not no sweat

All the slightly damp fluffy bat love and hugs

Anxious 🖤🦇

Hey hun,

I'm so sorry you got sad news. I hope this helps in any way.

...

Joel took a deep breath, and tried to calm himself down. They have always had their critics and at this point he had honestly thought there was nothing that could be said that would truly bother him to this level anymore.

But that was before they had their pups.

He had never cared what they had said about how he and his mates looked, how it was odd to have an even number of alphas to omegas and no betas, how everything they did and were was just a little bit off from what was expected.

But to criticize their parenting, saying they were not putting their pups first...

His especially, talking about his insomnia and other conditions, that he couldn't be a good father...

It was utter lies.

But it hurt, it got under his skin in away nothing else ever had.

"Joel"

Joonas's voice pull him out of his head, and he blinked and looked up, not sure how long he had been spacing out as he thought about the article they had read earlier that day.

Joonas had always known him best, and simply took his hand and pulled him over to where the rest of their mates were sitting on their couch.

"That article was such bullshit, nobody is going to actually believe it are they?" Aleksi asked.

"of course not." Olli growled, which made Joel raising eyebrow, Olli very rarely ever got growly.

"There's nothing more we can do tonight," Joonas said softly, "Let's not worry about it."

With that he leaned into Joel, wrapping his arms tight around him.

"I mean you, you know." He told him.

Joel laughed a bit, Joonas really did know him too well.

So he leaned back into him, feeling Niko on his other side, Tommi's long arm reaching him from the end of the couch.

He looked over Joonas's head to see Aleksi and Olli doing the same, and he sighed.

For right now he didn't need to deal with it. Their pups were safe in their cribs and he was being held by all his mates, and he knew they would all defend him just as fiercely as he would defend any of them.

So for now he could just lean into him and let them hold him tight.

[bishiglomper]

I am having. A day.

I hate that I am so flippin' easily emotional. And I'm the baby bunny, so my family rushes to comfort me and then I feel manipulative. 😐 so here's how I had a meltdown. 8D

I woke up 2 hours before PT. Which apparently was enough to meander into getting dressed and chill on the couch, but not enough time to eat or watch a whole show and so I just sat there and waited until we could leave.

My sister is so wonderful. She said if 10 more minutes was okay and i guess I sounded not thrilled with the idea so she let us leave early because with her own autistic son she understands if we're anxious to transition already it's better to just do it. So we killed time by stopping for gas.

On the way I asked if she had explained to her daughter the whole "it's not dad im emotional about, but the proximity of the musical" situation to the niece. Which was my downfall. She had not.

So I got teary because I do not like people being upset with me over a misunderstanding. Even if they seem over it. I was under the assumption she was going to explain. So now I'm like "shit, I gotta mentally prepare for a conversation"

I stopped being emotional over it by the time I got to PT but then I went into a spiral of "great, now I'm weepy and I'm already quiet on a good day and now I'm barely gonna be able to verbalize anything and.."

So of course meltdown kicks in and tears are running and soaking tf out of my mask.

Cue PT coming out and signing up his patient for their next appt. He looks over at me and cautiously waves. God, he's so precious. It's the first appointment PT, the one who was absolutely wonderful. The cute one. 👀

Me: *awkwardly waves* '...wow, I cannot do this.'

I know I'm not making it through this appointment without crying the whole time. Which is awkward and painful for all involved.

I tried to wait until he and his patient left but i was seriously afraid he was about to call me back so I really had to walk in front of him and get the receptionists attention and tell her I had to go. I was proud that my voice barely shook. But then she wanted to know why. like. You're seriously gonna make me speak again. 😐

"I need a reason why to tell your PT."

Dont have the energy to deal with a normal sounding explanation. "......because. I'm. having. a meltdown." Voice was so shakey. ffs OTL

And I guess that was good enough and I walked away. Which was painful because it is deeply ingrained in me to say thank you.

I have no idea what nice PT man looked like this entire exchange 8D

I made it to the car before I drowned and promptly hyperventilated to my sister. 8D Which was difficult because she wanted to know who hurt me. (T ω T) like no one, fam I'm just ✨ b r o k e n ✨

So she went and got me an iced coffee. The part that made me feel guilty because we were overdrawn and have no monies for another 9 days. (╥﹏╥) she convinced me.

I'm still weepy an hour later! It is taking everything not to constantly let tears stream down my face. Goddamn it, it is so fucking annoying. It's the one thing I havent been able to mask half as much as I need to. The experience with the receptionist is pretty much all I'm capable of. I hate it. I hate it so fucking much.

I am either apathetic or a big cry baby, there is no in between. (ノ°益°)ノ

[horridhenrybraindead]

im only here to "talk shit" about henralph, be a pick me, and say thats there's better ships /hj.

this is funny.. i guess. but ive realized that i would ship like.. anything else but henralph. ngl it gives me a "not like other girls" vibe. i hope thats not why...

the thing is... all the ships (literally just two) have ralph in them. I.. theres really no other characters i can ship with. well kinda. NOPE on henry, theres nothing for peter (get to that later), Margaret has atleast one other ship (Margaret x Susan). and then theres no other characters to work with.

There is Anxious Andrew x Weepy William that is treated like a side pairng but thats all.

Speaking on the Ralph ships, theres two. Ralph x Peter & Ralph x Margaret.

First is Ralph x Peter. I don't wanna mention the origins because they're NSFW. But. I'll give you the reasons why i even gave a thought to this ship. ill be real idk, it has the "friend's brother / brother's friend" thing going on and Golden Boy x Bad Boy. In terms of canon..? Eh nothing much except for one episode where then hung out but thats it.

Next is Ralph x Margaret which is very new (i made it today.. oops) Now theres a origin which is just from me listening to a song and then me thinking of them.. that way.

But! There's a hidden origin. I wrote a story of sorts (which i am not posting) about Ralph but also not really.. him? Whatever not important. There was a section about "his" relationship with "Margaret". And it was like.. he disliked her but also related to her in terms of both having rich families and the pressure that puts on the both of them and the fact that he can see how sad and lonely she really is.

I do like the idea of them being together. idk its nice. in terms of canon there is more but even then not much. Like they're seen together way more but also not really?

Ok thats all I have for this rant.

Side thing: I do like Margaret x Susan more than Ralph x Margaret. It has WAY more substance. Just wanted to say that.

Side Side thing: I have said before that I do like Henry x Margaret.. how I feel now? The same. I don't fully "holy shit i love it" ship it but its over hated. I do know why.. they bully eachother but like.. neither are exactly.. victims to that bullying because neither cares. But also Henry deserves it, Margaret is a girlboss SLAY QUEEN!

Sorry I love her. /pos... /srs

Fuck Henry /neg... /hj

[lifewithoutmeds]

September 4, 2023

The last two weeks have been really really rough. i spent the first few days after i found out the notice completely distraught, crying, unable to sleep, and almost unable to eat. just the millions of thoughts coursing through my head, my heart heavy, anxious, filled with dread. so much crying.

the next few weeks were also bad but not quite as bad. in the last week i only found myself crying for like 3-4 days out of the week. most days i'd get a little weepy/tear up, but on good days this would only last a few minutes when i talked about jadai specifically.

friends have really come out of the woodwork to help me out and be with me through this process. some have kinda flaked due to other responsibilities, but others really came through in a big way. i was a bit disappointed with gy and cl because we had planned to meet up, but then gy had a big deadline and cl was exhausted from the first week of school after not working for a year and a half and being heavily pregnant. but i really tried to work it out with journaling, lots of reflecting (some may call it unhealthy obsessive rumination), and talking to whoever would listen. patti scheduled a facetime meeting with me at 6pm on tuesday, august 15, followed by an emergency therapy session with kelda at 7. i was in the office wednesday but just kinda blankly stared at nothing. rather randomly i was called to oppahs, who had some mushrooms for me, and seeing my countenance, he finally asked what was up and i burst into tears and told him. he was oddly conciliatory and had some words of helpful wisdom for me. thursday i accidentally slept through most of my zoom psychiatrist appointment but she called last minute and i was able to give a five minute update on what was going on and i think she upped my prescription to 200 mg which i believe is the "effective dose." later that day alex (venice cg) met me up at a silver lake restaurant and consoled me, listened to me cry, and gave me much needed words of encouragement and wisdom. friday-sunday i drove up to nida's place. typically, she was busy with kids stuff. cooking, cleaning, picking the kids up from school. it was very hot and we went to the zoo which i thought would be funner than it was. we watched a terrible movie, some prequel to Snow White and The Huntsman that i zoned out of and stared at my phone instead. sometimes i played with the kids, mostly braden, who loves attention, and i did get a few minutes of good conversation with nida in which she told me about how she felt after past breakups, and how she felt that compatibility and timing were really important. how if scott hadn't had kids before he wouldn't be as responsible as he was now, which she needed since she needed kids. she reminded me a little of what alex had said, how some people have a story and they want to cast the characters, and they go through a casting list. it felt kind of ... weird to me. to just kind of want someone to fit into their lives to help achieve the trajectory of their own lives. it didn't feel really organic or i guess ... romantic? it felt more like interviewing candidates for a job and trying to see who was the best fit, but ... i guess that's what it kind of is. it can't just be emotion and feelings andn passion and admiration and attraction. ultimately there does need to be a real meeting of time minds in terms of values and direction, hopes and dreams, etc.

on monday i randomly called my mom and inadvertently burst into tears. she was alarmed and came right over, picking me up a salad and a rotisserie chicken from the local sprouts which we ate together. she was so sad seeing me so sad, and said she was so sorry, but she also said that jadai is very likable. it wouldn't just be me who liked her, she was incredibly attracting and her being a lawyer made her more attractive and impressive, even to me. she also talked about how i couldn't compare myself to her athleticism and her desire and ability to participate in really extreme sports, saying that growing up as sick as she was, she wouldn't even dream of those things, but that she just did the best she could, struggling through each day, and she didn't see herself as lazy or unmotivated or selfish. she prided herself on doing the best she could, every day, and that helped me with some perspective.

on tuesday i drove up to santa clarita and coworked with danielle, who lives with her cute labradoodle, which was a bit distracting since she liked to yelp when she wanted attention. it was nice to have someone sharing space, and it would at times start sobbing and she was incredibly helpful, incredibly kind, compassionate, empathetic. we took the dog on a couple walks, ate lunch together (she ordered zankou), and afterward met her friend heidi at a restaurant in newhall where i treated drinks and snacks.

i woke up the next day, feeling strangely better. i just felt kind of refreshed, and a little emptied of sadness. i think the company and just being able to express myself was helpful.

on thursday i had another facetime therapy session with kelda in which she had gone through past notes and reminded me of some of the struggles, the fights, the frustrations i had with jadai and our relationship. she said to remind myself of these times too, and not just on the good times, which were constantly making me sad.

not sure what happened to friday. probably the usual? work, and then lying down and reading stories about break ups, failed marriages, sad celebrity downfalls, and true crime.

saturday amy was supposed to come over and we had all day free (supposedly) but then she said not in the morning, and by the time i texted back in the afternoon she said it was too late. which was disappointing but ended up being just as well, because i ended up meeting lorena and we got massages at my favorite silverlake thai massage place, then went to go get thai food in thai town and it was good food and good company.

sunday i walked to the embassy suites in hilton where i met up amy and her county counsel friend at the pool where i had homemade mimosas and cried a bit about the news. amy was nice and talked a bit about how after her first engagement didn't come to fruition, she ended up training for a marathon for distraction. later that day i met up kendy and matt for burgers and drinks in santa monica, then for a short hike at will rogers, but i had a mild headache from the morning's mimosas and wasn't as sharp as usual, but remember feeling incredibly loved and understood by my friends and wanting to see them more, because they made me feel lifted up, encouraged, seen, in ways that others hadn't.

tuesday was in office with lunch.

i think wednesday was just work, and then thursday i teleworked with amir, who just goofed off all day, was mostly on the phone, while i worked up a storm. we went to costco and picked up california rolls/sushi for lunch, and then came back and ended up hanging out with cesar for a while, drinking beer and wine, and chatting with his wife and kidding around with his cute kid. it was good to be in the company of people and talk about things other than myself actually.

no recollection of thursday, but friday was my RDO and i met up with caroline at a local place for brunch in burbank where i talked and cried and she consoled me and i was reminded of how good a friend was and how we had had some good times, especially traveling.

saturday i picked up jenny unni and went to lana's house for sawyer's bday. the food was good, and julia took me aside to hug me while i cried and said nice things. afterward i went to long beach to hang out with LD and her group of gaysians. the hostess was none other than stacy's cousin! we hung out til maybe 10, with me drinking the whiskey i had brought, and it was nice just chatting with other lesbian asians.

lastly on sunday, amy, ray's wife, came over around 10am and we headed over to switzer falls for a hike. it was about three hours and we talked nonstop, her about her work, her therapy, and me about the break up, etc. it was therapeutic both physically and psychologically, and i think i've found a friend and exercise buddy, and this was the first time i had broken 15,000 steps since maybe may when my first breakdown occurred, and it felt nice to feel so physically drained.

today is monday, labor day. i took a short walk, did some dishes, and did a bit of tidying. even went for a short 17-minute walk while listening to the read, and even managed to smile 1-2 times. i'll be heading out to hang with rhiannon for a bit, so i need to go, but today feels .... not so bad. sometimes the news hits me viscerally, like a punch in the gut, and leaves me gasping for air. other times it feels like a distant memory, still there, but in a distance, and not as painful, a bit far from me, but not drowning me. i hope it gets better. also there's this odd tendency seemingly, of once i write and express how much better i feel, something terrible befalls me and just swipes me off my feet. here's hoping that doesn't happen this time.

[cesium-sheep]

after he got back from errands we just cuddled on the couch and watched jenny nicholson videos while I made progress on the monster blanket. we spent a lot of time talking too, about his childhood (and mine) and stuff and why he started holding people at arm’s length. he thought he had told me before, but if he had it had been an abridged version that didn’t stand out to me as important. (a very cruel, deliberate, and ongoing betrayal at a formative time. he sees it as very similar to the way I was treated growing up, and I think there are valid parallels but also fundamental differences. it did lead us both to being very analytical when it comes to socialization and understanding people tho.)

he said that it took him a while to notice that as a person who’s categorically almost entirely part of the majority, everything is made for him, and he works to actively consider other perspectives and better understand how marginalized people experience the world. he said working menial jobs was a big step in that since he was exposed to a lot of uneducated and nonwhite folks, as is dating arin and me (a trans woman and a nonbinary disabled person). he thinks about the sidewalks now.

traffic was bad getting arin home from work, and arin and I are both feeling a little weepy cuz we still don’t have news one way or another and he has to leave now already. he said he’ll be back very soon, and I thanked him for all he did while he was here and he said he wished he could do more. he clearly didn’t wanna leave. we don’t want him to leave either.

she did say she brought up that moving together is still on the table even if we don’t go home this time, although we understand it’s a lot more complicated of a question than it is if we’re just moving back to washington. (she said it sounds like his main concern is employment and he appreciates her binging it up now so there’s time to think it over. I pointed out we may be able to find an affordable 3br with just her income depending where we’re going, and we can almost definitely make do with a 2br if we have to. although she firmly wants 1.5+ baths in the next place we live whether he comes too or not which I agree with tbh.) and if she doesn’t hear from the school soon she’ll email her friend that’s directly involved to politely ask what’s with the delay.

it takes me the first night to adjust to him being here, but once I’ve switched gears he’s really grounding and uplifting just to have around, which helps when I’m. disoriented anxious hallucinating and dying. plus even if we were at home and he was working, he’s not working 6 12s and he doesn’t have adhd, so he’s in a much better position to help out with household things, easing the burden for both of us while getting to feel involved and useful (and mostly keeping the same workload he already has living alone, as we don’t use a lot of dishes and I can help with a lot of the managerial aspects and still do stuff like wash laundry and put away clean dishes).

also his sense of direction is not very good, he can get lost in a store. (he got turned around while we were shopping yesterday even though there was a big tv display to orient to.) he’s good at working around it, and my sense of direction is very good so I can also contribute. and he doesn’t like sauce on his chicken nuggets and correctly guessed that neither do I.