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ateezivy · 1 year

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without you

( 2023 )

warning ! mentions of eating disorder, lots of crying, all i can think of, lmk if i missed anything.

Tour without Ivy has been weird. There is a missing piece in the puzzle. And while all the boys have been having fun on tour, it’s still not the same. And it’s evident to people everywhere. However, tonight’s the night. They get their girl back.

She called them a few weeks ago with the news that she would be in the audience in Berlin, and then she would join them again on tour. They screamed at this news. like actually screamed. But honestly, who wouldn’t, Ateez is going to be a full nine again. The boys got all hyped on the way to the arena. Jumping around, singing, yelling, a lot of yelling. Soon, they were all backstage chilling while the staff set everything up before rehearsal.

“Boys,” their manager calls for them. They all look up and see him standing there staring at them. He didn’t say anything, earning a confused look from Hongjoong. They all watch as he walks over to the door and opens it. And in walks Ivy.

Mingi was of course the first to jump off the couch and run over to her, hugging her tightly, and kissing her softly. The boys all piled over to her, suffocating her in a group hug.

“Make sure to let her breathe,” the manager said before walking out laughing.

“Okay, he’s right, let me breathe” she giggled as all the boys backed away, taking a look at her. She was planning on getting ready in the dressing room before she had to go out into the crowd, not wanting to be in her planned outfit longer than she had to. So she had on a pair of mom jeans and one of Mingi’s many tour hoodies. She looked so much healthier and happier. You can only see some much on a FaceTime call. She also cut her hair short with some bangs, that one they haven’t seen.

“You cut your hair!” Wooyoung pointed out

“Yeah! You like it?” She asked, messing with the ends of her hair

“Love it” Hongjoong smiled.

Everyone sat down, Mingi has not let go of her since she walked in, he needs to make sure she was there. “So, how was your hiatus?” Jongho asked, watching her sigh a snuggle closer to her boyfriend

“Hell,” she commented “There was nothing to do, I had too much free time. And you know they didn’t even let me drive for the first few weeks?” She scoffed.

“Yeah, they wanted you to have that time to yourself Livvy, that’s what it’s for” Seonghwa chuckled and ruffled her hair.

“Don’t care, torture”

“How dare they make sure you’re safe,” Hongjoong said sarcastically

“See you get it” Ivy joked along and walked around the room looking for something.

“What’re you looking for?” Mingi asked, getting up to help her

“Something to eat” The boys all smiled, it was clear that the hiatus helped. Of course, she’s been through this before, she understood the steps to get through it, and because she was away from her family, and her life, she was more motivated to get better.

“How long did it take?” Yunho asked her. She knew what he meant. How long did it take her to eat a full meal without throwing it up?

“Not too long, just have to eat foods I’m comfortable with for right now, My therapist told me to eat a new fear food once a week, so I ate a burger yesterday,” She said “I feel like the only thing I can eat without wanting to vomit is salad, fruit, and that’s like it.”

It’s sad, her once favorite foods have become the foods she fears. She may be back from hiatus, but she is still forever healing.

“Sorry to interrupt,” one of the stylists came in, smiling when she saw Ivy, “But you guys have to get ready for soundcheck, Ivy, honey, you’re always welcome to join”

Ivy jumped up and ran over to the stylist, hugging her and filling her in on everything she did and didn’t do over break. The boys all laughed as they followed the girls. They put their earpieces in and get their mics, Ivy looks over and sees her purple mic untouched next to Jongho’s before he picks it up.

“You wanna come out?” He asked, pointing to her microphone, he hopes she says yes. “There’s Atiny out there, but it’s not a lot”

“Sure” She smiles and has Mingi help her with her earpieces quickly as she picks her mic up. Mingi slips the mic pack into her back pocket, giving her butt a tap, which would be more surprising if he didn’t do that. He then feeds the attached ear-pieces through her hoodie, letting her catch them from over her shoulders, she lets them dangle there as she turns her mic on.

“Okay, c’mon.” their manager smiles. The boys rush up to the stage, Mingi holds his girlfriend's waist from behind as he kisses her on the cheek before they follow behind the others. As she went out behind the others, the VIP’s immediately recognized her and started greeting her. She assumed Hongjoong asked them to stay calm, or Atiny was just that brilliant to stay calm in that moment. She felt fairly anxious singing in front of fans again, the last time she did she sounded horrible and then fainted.

“Don’t dance with us, you haven’t stretched and I’m not letting you when you just ate” Hongjoong said sternly, giving her a stool that was set on stage for her. While she was gone, Wooyoung normally took her lines, and she’s excited to hear him sing her lines tonight too. But right now, her lines are hers again. Some staff set some water beside her as the music started. As her lines in New World came up, she felt nerves and excitement build up in her chest. As soon as she started singing, the boys all smiled so brightly while dancing, the VIP fans cheered her on, singing along, and the fans outside started screaming loud enough for her to hear. She chuckled out of disbelief through her lines. After New World, Hongjoong and Seonghwa ran off stage quickly. “What’re they doing?” She asked San who grabbed himself water. The sweat from his forehead dripped onto the stage floor as he looked at her. He shrugged, but it was obvious he knew.

“What are you guys up to” She giggled as Yeosang and Mingi walk over right as San left. “You’ll see, be patient” Mingi smiled and rubbed her thigh. The stool she sat on was getting uncomfortable, there was no backrest and she just now realized she was slouching. She fixed her posture, showing a face of pain, Yeosang noticed and rubbed her back for a second before she heard a familiar melody play through the speakers. Her song It Will Stop started playing.

Fans outside started screaming like crazy, and the fans in the arena started freaking out as well. Hongjoong and Seonghwa ran back up on stage, ushering her to sing her lyrics. This song was special to her. It was the first song she wrote for herself. It was the easiest, yet most difficult thing to write. She put all her emotions into the song, knowing that one day, she would relate to it again.

She sang the song without struggle, her boys watching and singing along with pride. After it ended they all cheered for her. The boys, the fans, the staff, everyone. She felt herself getting shy, smiling with her face hidden in her hands. Yunho jumped over and picked her up over his shoulder, making her squeal and almost drop her mic. Somehow, Mingi and Yunho managed to sit her on both of their shoulders for some pictures. There have been so many pictures and videos taken from this moment. She can’t wait to go home and frame them all.

After a small amount of time, Ivy sat on the edge of the stage to talk to the fans while the boys calmed down. “Hi” she smiled and the Atiny’s greeted her back. “How are you Ivy?” A fan with a deep accent asked. “I’m good how are you guys?” She smiled as a chorus of ‘good’ and ‘great’ was said amongst the small crowd. She felt a hand on her back, making her turn and see Mingi sitting on her left and Wooyoung on her right. They talked to the fans for sometime, avoiding questions of Ivy’s return with simple shrugs and changes of questions.

After soundcheck, they all walked back to the dressing room. Ivy had grabbed her bag full of a change of clothes for the concert from the ‘hangout room’, as they called it. Mingi went in with her, just to have a minute alone. “You sure you don’t want to stay back here and watch?” He asked, hugging her. There was everything she needed in that room, a TV to watch the concert from, a bathroom, food, water, and outlets. Everything. It’s also 10 times safer back here than in the crowd.

“I’m sure, I got a good spot, the bodyguards will be with me.” There was a spot right behind the pit where staff usually stayed, it was a spot for people to walk through before, after, and during the show.

“Okay,” he nodded, not arguing with it because he knew she would be in good hands. The two shared a few kisses and giggles before they had to go and get ready. Ivy went into the bathroom to change before everyone else. She walked out wearing a red bodycon dress, a black oversized leather jacket, and some Prada boots.

“Ah, you look so good!” The stylists all cheered, making the boys all turn and look at her. The dress showed off her figure, she had gotten so much healthier already.

“This jacket might piss me off three songs in, so if you see me throw this back on, shut your mouth.” She held up the hoodie she was just wearing, making everyone chuckle.

“You’re so cute” San chuckled and hugged her.

“How long are you staying back?” Seonghwa questioned

“Right before you guys go on they’re gonna sneak me out” She stated with a smile

“Good, cause you’re matching the first outfits, it will look good for pictures” Wooyoung clapped.

The time went by, the boys got everything they needed to do done, and finally, they hear the fans piling in and singing as they all got ready. “Ah, handsome” she dramatically sighed and gushed over her boys. They all rolled their eyes as they got ready to take pictures with their girl. The pictures were perfect and so cute, they would more than likely post them that night.

“Okay, you guys go on here soon, get mic’d up, let's go” Their manager clapped, rushing everyone over to the mics, “I gotta go,” Ivy told them as they put their pic packs back in.

“Just a second Livvy” Hongjoong made her freeze. “Everyone ready?” He looked around, seeing all of them placing their earpieces around their neck. They nod and bundle up in a circle, wrapping their arms around each other as the staff flashes their lights and takes videos. The girl happily dances and jumps next to Mingi and Jongho. “Okay, let’s go out there, perform with our best. We got Ivy with us tonight, so we have to do our absolute best.” Hongjoong goes on with his usual speech and praises “Ivy?”

“Oh, uh, don’t fuck up, I love you guys”

The boys all protested against her ‘speech’ and laughed

“Okay, okay. Just perform like you guys always do, with or without me, I want you guys to do your best, and have so much fun out there.” Mingi smiles and kisses her forehead.

“Okay, 1,2,3…”

“Nine makes one team!” As a full nine again.

“I love you guys,” she hugged them all individually “I’ll be out there, look for me”

When she got to Mingi, he wasted no time in giving her a deep kiss, bending himself forward and her into a damn-near backbend. The boys cheered them on as she laughed into the kiss.

She was soon rushed out into the audience, bodyguards circling her, yelling at people to move out of the way. She reached the back of the pit where security and other staff stayed to make sure there were no audience members out of place.

She smiled and waved at fans who saw her and cheered for her.

The concert went on amazingly, Ivy sang along with every word. It didn’t take long for Mingi to find her first, after that all the boys would check on her at least 10 times each song. It soon got to that time when the boys all stand there and interact with the fans.

“And tonight, we have the most special guest” Wooyoung yelled and the crowd screamed. At this point Ivy still didn’t change into her hoodie, the boy assumed she was fairly comfortable in that new jacket. She had her lightstick and phone in hand. The camera panned to her, showing her on the big screen as she laughed and waved at the boys.

“IVY-AHHHH” San yelled and Yunho clapped with Hongjoong. “She looks amazing doesn’t she Atiny?”

Ivy continued laughing and covering her face so she didn’t show off her blush. The fans screamed in agreement. “Ivy, I think we all have some things to say,” Hongjoong started “Should I go first? Anyone else wants to go?”

Yunho and Yeosang shook their heads as the others gestured that he could go first.

“Since Ivy first came to the company, I knew she was something so special. What I didn’t know were the amazing effects she has had on Ateez.” Atiny cheered after the translator spoke before he continued. “It’s incredible how much you have impacted so many people's life. You make Ateez special Jisoo-ah. And during this hiatus, it’s been hard on us, but we are so glad you took your time to heal. We love you, Ivy, and I think everyone can agree when I say we are glad to have you back home.”

Ivy was tearing up, mouthing “I love you” to Hongjoong.

Wooyoung nodded and brought his mic to his lip. Oh god, she thought to herself, this could either embarrass the living fuck out of her or make her bawl her eyes out. “I’m not sure if many people know, but Ivy and I used to not get along,” Ivy laughed at his start off “But now I would say we are the closest we have ever been. Through the years, I’ve got to learn so much about you. I know when you’re upset, happy, or mad. I’ve had the pleasure to watch how much you’ve grown over the years. And I just know how proud your family is of you. And I know you’re dad would be so beyond proud” Oh god, she’s crying. She misses her daddy, so dearly. She hopes he’s proud of her. “I wish you came to me. Or any of us when you were struggling,” now Wooyoung was crying “I love you Jisoo-ah, and I would do anything to see you happy and healthy all the time…” They both bawled as Yunho walked over to Wooyoung, hugging him. Mingi turned away from the crowd as he cried, Jongho tearing up in the corner. The fans all cried and called out.

Seonghwa sniffed before he spoke up, “Being able to be someone you feel safe around has been such an honor. My number one goal is to always make sure my members are safe and happy, and sometimes, I feel like I fail at that. I know there’s only so much I can do Ivy, I know. Please call me more, please tell me when you need help. Come to me more often. I want to help Olivia. Please let me help” Seonghwa sobbed, begging. Ivy wanted nothing more than to run up on stage and hold every single one of them.

Yeosang prepared himself for whatever words came out of his mouth when he spoke “I didn’t know you were hurting until it was too late. And, I can’t help but feel I could’ve done more for you. I can’t lose you Ivy-ah, none of us can. We love you, and it hurts going on stage and not having you here. I’m begging you to focus on yourself more.”

Between each speech was a moment of cries. Each member would take their time to prepare themselves, make sure they can say what they need. And a couple times they couldn’t. their speeches would fall short because they can’t say what they need to say like this.

San was next “Atiny and Ateez have been waiting for you, we will always wait for you. You always have support by your side at all times Livvy. We’ve been hoping that you recover well and on your own time, and your being here tonight shows us how well you have been doing. And now you’re home, and we can help you. And be up your butt 24/7” He ends his speech with a slight giggling, hoping to bring light to such an emotional moment. Ivy chuckled through her tears and shook her head.

“Well, I don’t know about you, Ivy, but I had trouble sleeping last night because I was so excited to see you again. And I think I even texted you” Yunho laughed, tears streaming down “You’ve always supported us when we need you, you’ve always been here for us. You’re probably the most kind and most empathetic person any of us have ever met Jisoo-ah. And even in times when I didn’t think I needed support, you were still there, whether I wanted it or not, you were there. You’ve always been there. And I just can’t believe I let you struggle for so long. Ivy, you deserve everything good in the world. I wish I could just give you the earth” He smiles with the tears falling down his shirt. Jongho nodded to himself, knowing he had to go next. He didn’t have to, but he wanted to and needed to for himself and Ivy.

“When I first met everyone I kind of felt like the odd one in the group. And then you came in and you had to feel like the odd one,” The crowd laughs along with Ivy as he continued “but I never really knew what it was like to be so close to someone. And ever since you joined our family, I never felt alone. I never felt like I didn’t fit in. You always made sure I got to bond with everyone, and that we made the steps we needed to take to be able to become a family. And now, I look at all of us, and, I can’t even imagine Ateez without Ivy. Ateez wouldn’t be Ateez without any of us, especially you.”

Jongho wasn’t the kind of guy to open up like this, and Ivy never knew these things, she never knew Jongho felt this way…

And finally, Mingi. Ivy couldn’t even prepare herself for Mingi’s speech… her chest tightened, and tears fell as she watched her boyfriend wipe his tears away.

“Without you, I don’t think I would be the person I am now. Without you, Ateez wouldn’t be Ateez. I’ve always wanted to just feel loved and cared about. And being with you, it’s taught me so much about myself. I just- I can’t believe how far all of us have gone. I can’t believe this is my life. And it’s thanks to you Jisoo-ah. Watching you grow and become the woman you are, it’s incredible. And I always think about all the times we’ve stayed up later writing songs, or just talking because we couldn’t sleep. Our Facetime calls, our late night snack time. All of it is so special to me. I love you so much, Olivia. I’m nothing without you.”

They all cried and hugged, wishing they could have Ivy up there, but they had to move on before things got caught up. The concert went on and ended after a few more songs. She would’ve loved to stay in the audience for the encore, but she had to run backstage before then so she didn’t get lost in a moving crowd. She ran through the halls once the manager told her they were out there, Mingi was of course the first she reached. He lifted her as she wrapped her legs around his. She cried into his shoulder, mumbling ‘I love you’s into his shirt. Mingi continued walking with her like that, rubbing her back before placing her on the ground once reaching the dressing room. The other boys all got to hug her and cry with her at last.

She’s home. And they weren’t a complete home without her.

taglist: @atolua @skzfairies @itzy-eve @cixrosie @stopeatread @alixnsuperstxr @smh-anon @txt-yaomi @starmaniic

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