#Also idiot dips for 4 episodes WHY DO I LIKE YOU SO MUCH

[no1ryomafan]

I’m laying in bed after a long day out with a friend after talking a bit about getter to them and once more at war at myself on *why* arma ryoma is the ryoma to scratch my brain when new is objectively better written then him.

I will always argue and say arma ryoma isn’t a terrible written interpretation of him, there’s a lot from that you can poke at him like with most ryomas but he has clear missed potential and he isn’t he as fleshed out as he could be, especially compared to new. Yet no matter how many times I think about it he still intrigues slightly more.

Is it because what happens to him is most engaging? How with even his absence he goes through some of the most insane shit ever? That you can tell despite what he lacks he’s a fucked man, arguably if not more then the direct trauma his new self goes through? And yet he still gets a decent resolution to his arc?

…Or is it because I find him more hot even still. Fuck if I know at this hour.

[peepeepotter]

New Girl Hogwarts AU Chapter 3: Ginny’s Visit

A/N: I don’t love this chapter, it’s more to show some of the pairings and get George and the reader closer. Also, this is based off of a New Girl episode. Most of this fic will be based off of the first two seasons. I’ll try to combine multiple episodes in the next chapter if you guys don’t mind it feeling a bit rushed? Otherwise I can write them out individually. 

Pairing: George Weasley x (Fem!)reader

Warning: Cursing, sexually suggestive? Idk we’re still PG-13 for now

Word Count: ~3.5k

Series Masterlist

“Hey can you come pick me up? I don’t think I’m sober enough to apparate right now.” Ginny asked immediately after Y/N picked up the phone.

“What about that guy you were seeing? The one that takes his shirt off too much, whatever his name is. Why can’t he take you home?” Y/N asked, getting out of bed and slipping shoes on quickly. She figured she might already know the answer.

“He’s an ASSHOLE that keeps flirting with other girls. I just caught him making out with some bitch in the club-”

“No other bitch, just you! You’re my bitch!”

“Viktor, that doesn’t mean what you think it means, you absolute blubbering idiot.” Y/N could hear the two of them arguing through the speaker of her slightly cracked iPhone 4. She rolled her eyes as she grabbed her keys for the loft.

“Where are you? I’m coming.”

“The Golden Snitch. That new one in diagon.” Y/N rolled her eyes. All of those lame ass quidditch lovers ended up at that club. She knew her best friend played professionally, but she couldn’t help but think about the fact that some of those quidditch players didn’t have a personality outside of the sport.

“I’ll be there in two shakes,” before Y/N could finish her old phrase, she was cut off by George entering her room and speaking.

“You bloody American, would you please stop using old farmer’s phrases?”

“Do you mind, like, knocking?” Y/N rolled her eyes as she turned his way.

“Oh you mean like how you totally DIDN’T a few weeks ago?”

“Oh my god, I DID knock, it’s not my fault you BLAST your music!”

“Will you two shut the fuck up and get a room?” Ginny interrupted the bickering.

“Actually we’re in a room, sister dear.”

“I don’t think that’s the quip you think it is.” Ginny laughed, definitely better at teasing her brother than a decade ago.

“Whatever, what the fuck do you want anyway?” George asked, getting closer to Y/N and her phone.

“See, this is why I NEVER call you for help,” Ginny grunted.

“I’m picking her up from the Golden Snitch and taking her home.” Y/N interrupted the argument just waiting to happen between the siblings.

“Actually, can I stay at your place? Viktor’s shit is at my place and I’d really rather not see him.”

“Yeah that’s fine,” Y/N said at the same time George spoke.

“Absolutely not.”

“George, give your sister a break. Can you please go make sure the couch is made up for her and that the guys aren’t naked when I’m back?” Y/N asked George.

“No promises,” George winked before exiting the room.

“God I swear I can HEAR the sexual tension between you two.” Ginny mumbled.

“Gross, Gin, that’s your brother you’re talking about. Anyway, I’ll be there in like three minutes.” Y/N hung up, and in the blink of an eye she was in diagon alley, walking quickly toward the club playing the Weird Sisters. It was a matter of minutes before Y/N found her way towards the DJ’s booth where Ginny was arguing with Viktor. She was about ready to hex him, or the DJ he had apparently made out with, when Y/N decided to intervene.

“Ginerva darling, I’m here, let’s go home.” Y/N grabbed Ginny’s hand, ready to drag her out of the club. As they walked away Y/N could hear Ginny whisper a hex, and the ensuing shriek from Viktor. Soon they made it to the apparition spot where Ginny side-alonged Y/N to just outside the loft door.

“Why do you guys have protection charms again? What year is this, 1886?”

“I literally live with the chosen one. I feel like that’s justification enough.” Y/N rolled her eyes, mumbling a few spells to disarm the hexes as she unlocked the door with her key. They stumbled into the loft, where, unsurprisingly, Draco stood in just his underwear, Harry without a shirt, George sat on the couch with a beer in hand, and Neville sat with a plant in his lap.

“GEORGE!” Y/N yelled over the argument Draco and Harry were having. He looked over at her and shrugged.

“What can you really do with these guys, ya know?” Y/N flipped him off before pulling the grown men apart.

“Get a room lovers.” Y/N rolled her eyes pushing them apart as she shooed George and Neville off the couch and started making a bed for Ginny.

“LOVERS? God, it’s like you don’t even know us.” Draco shouted, clearly fuming at Harry for...reasons unknown.

“Draco, babe, it’s called sarcasm.” Y/N said as she tucked a sheet around the couch cushions.

“Hey Gin,” Harry pulled her in for a side hug as Ginny turned pink. A childhood crush that never seemed to go anywhere still seemed to bother Ginny. Ginny returned the side hug, and then started taking off her shoes.

“I feel like you’re about half naked every time I see you.” Draco remarked to Ginny, who had a black minidress on, as he sat down on the side of the couch Y/N wasn’t making into a bed. Y/N smacked him.

“Awfully bold of you to say when you’re only in your knickers.” Ginny quipped, rolling her eyes.

“Potter, control your girlfriend.”

“PARDON?” Ginny yelled as Y/N hit his chest again.

“Malfoy, I will actually sectumsempra your ass again.” Harry said, coming up behind Draco to smack the side of his head.

“ANYWAY...you’re making me sleep on the couch?” Ginny asked, plopping down on the unfinished bed Y/N had been in the middle of making.

“Um, yeah, Gin. You steal the covers and we live in a loft. You could say it’s a bit,” Y/N giggled to herself before finishing the joke. “Lofty in here.”

“I hate it here.” Said Harry.

“Literally get out.” Unsurprisingly, from Draco.

“Oh, Merlin, yeah that was pretty bad Y/N.” Neville spoke gently.

“George, oh my god, are you laughing at that?” Ginny accused.

“What? No! Puns are the bane of my existence.” George said, clearly trying to stifle his giggles.

“Bad jokes aside, I hate this couch. It’s got a permanent dip in it from when George didn’t get up off of it for like, a week, when you showed him that one muggle show.” Ginny said

“Friends is so much more than a muggle show.” George hissed.

“George, every year without your far funnier twin your sense of humor gets significantly worse.” Draco said without looking up from his phone. George tensed as Y/N once again smacked Draco on the chest.

“You’re awfully moody tonight, yeah?” Y/N whispered angrily at Draco.

“Sorry, just shit going on at work.”

“You mean how your work wife is engaged?” “Shut the fuck-”

“You know you could just...tell her how you feel?” Y/N suggested as she plopped down in between George and Draco.

“He’s a man, he’ll never do that. I bet he’ll do something dramatic like sabotage the wedding instead.” At that, Draco looked up from his phone and over to Ginny with a grin.

“Maybe one of the Weasley’s are intelligent afterall.” Draco smirked.

“Don’t do that.” Y/N said, hoping that Draco wouldn’t ruin the only other friendship she had outside of the people in the loft.

“No promises. Anyway, I still have time to break them up.” Which made everyone in the loft groan.

“Can I complain about sleeping on the couch again? When is someone going to offer me their bed?” Ginny said, glaring Y/N down.

“You can sleep in my bed.” Harry said, sitting on the floor staring at his phone. Ginny turned pink.

“In my own house? Oh my,” George giggled, but stopped after Ginny glared at him. Harry looked up.

“We practically grew up together. It’s fine.” He shrugged, although Y/N noticed a hint of a blush in his cheeks as well. Y/N found herself smirking. “Yeah George, they’re grown ups. Grown ups can share a bed platonically.” She said, hinting at him to drop it. He smirked as well, nodding.

--

The next morning, Y/N arose to hear rushed whispers in the living room. She cracked her door, knowing that if she entered the conversation would likely stop.

“I’m IN!!”

“Dude, holding her hand is not ‘in.’”

“Whatever, you’re just mad because you’ve never held H-”

“Don’t finish that.” Draco warned.

Y/N tip-toed out to the kitchen where the two were chatting.

“You DO like her!! You big idiot!!” Y/N whispered, scaring Harry at the sudden appearance.

“How am I a big idiot? We shared a bed last night, I made a move!”

“That girl has had a crush on you since she was like ten! You call sharing a bed making a move? The right move to make would be, like, confessing your love for her or something.” Y/N sighed, moving over to the coffee pot of which only she used.

“Whatever, at least I can pick up on signals.” Harry mumbled.

“What is THAT supposed to mean?” Y/N said, turning around to face him quickly.

“Oh nothing, other than that George totally likes you.” Draco chipped in.

“He does not! Did he say that to you?” Y/N stopped, her heart dropping. Her stomach had a weird feeling she couldn’t quite place.

“No, but he doesn’t need to. It’s in the body language. Besides, puns really used to be the absolute bane of his existence. He and Fred were quite high and mighty with their senses of humor.” Harry shrugged.

“I’m sorry, do you call pranking high and mighty?”

“What about pranking?” George said, strolling into the room, his hair a mess and wearing the same clothes from yesterday.

“Nothing.” Draco, Harry, and Y/N unisoned.

“Good morning sunshine.” Y/N grinned as Ginny walked into the room looking an even bigger mess than George.

“Sleeping beauty.” Draco chimed.

“Shut the fuck up. You, don’t.” Ginny said, stopping Harry before he could join in the teasing.

“Well George, it must be nice to know the messy sleeping runs in the family.” Y/N said, gesturing to his hair.

“What? What are you talking about?” George furrowed his brow, reaching up to fix his hair and making it worse.

--

“Do you think my ass looks good in leggings?”

“Are you joking? Of course it does, I wish my ass looked like yours.” Y/N replied to Ginny. She sighed, thinking about what Harry and Draco said to her earlier. “Do you think George…” Y/N drifted off, deciding she didn’t really want to ask anymore.

“Has a crush on you? Absolutely.”

“See, what the fuck? I don’t see it.”

“That’s because you’re absolutely terrible at picking up signals. Remember that last time we went to the club and a guy kept buying you drinks and then you were SURPRISED when he asked you to dance with him?”

“That’s different. I don’t like dancing with strangers!” “Sure, but you were surprised, Y/N.” Ginny gave Y/N a pointed look, to which Y/N sighed.

“Anyway, no one will ever known, because George doesn’t share his feelings with anyone ever.”

“Just try and pick up on his body language. You know, if he points his feet to you or whatever.” Ginny said, staring at her phone with a furrowed brow. “Thank God, Viktor is moving his shit out of my place as we speak. I might be out of here by tomorrow.” Ginny turned and grinned at Y/N. 

“Hey,” George said, once again walking right into Y/N’s room and plopping down on her bed.

“Seriously, do we just not knock here anymore?”

“Well, we’ve seen each other naked, so honestly what’s the point?” George offered, to which Y/N rolled her eyes.

“I’m sorry, what? What did I miss?” Ginny said, tossing her phone onto the bed next to George.

“One time-”

“No, it’s not important, it wasn’t in a sexual way, it’s loft shit. We don’t talk about loft shit to outsiders.” Y/N said, not wanting to recount the story.

“Outsiders? I’m your best friend!”

“Well, you don’t live here.” George shrugged.

“I’m literally your sister!”

“I’m sorry, what does that have to do with the loft? You still don’t live here.” George smirked at her. She screamed and stormed out of Y/N’s room. “Anyway, want to go to the market with me? I need a few things and I’m quite tired of going on my own.” He perched himself up on his elbows to look at Y/N and something about the position he was in on her bed made her feel...some type of way.

“I-- I don't need anything, though.” Y/N said, now wanting to avoid George.

“Can you go and pick me up some tampons? I think you’re out.” Ginny poked her head back into the room, smirking at Y/N.

“You bitch.” Y/N mouthed at Ginny. “Yeah. Okay, I’ll go with.” Y/N announced, looking quickly over at George.

--

Ginny walked around the loft with just her bra and leggings on, as she would in her own apartment.

“Merlin, woman, put some clothes on.” Neville said, covering his eyes with one hand from the couch, covering a leaf on his plant with his other hand.

“Or don’t, I’m starting to appreciate the divine femme energy you’ve got going on.” Draco smirked, practically staring right at Ginny’s boobs.

“Malfoy, I swear to-”

“What, Potter? Don’t like me hitting on your girlfriend?”

“If you don’t shut up, I’ll kiss you.”

“You’ll wha-” before Draco could finish his question, Harry grabbed the back of Draco’s head and left a wet kissed on his lips.”You know, I could’ve gone my whole life without doing that.” Draco mumbled, rubbing his lips on his arm. Ginny stared at the three men in the apartment, rather confused.

“I’m confused,” Ginny said.

“Why?” Harry said, looking over at her.

“Are you guys actually gay?” Ginny whispered, as if it was offensive to ask.

“No, it’s just loft shit. You wouldn’t get it.” Harry shrugged.

“Yeah you wouldn’t get it.” Draco grinned at her. Ginny, in confusion, looked to Neville for an explanation.

“No offense Ginny, but you wouldn’t. It’s just kind of weird here.” Neville shrugged at her.

--

Y/N found herself staring at George’s feet the entire time they were shopping for groceries. He did point his feet at her a lot. But did that actually mean anything?

“Hey, I asked you a question! Where are you today?” George furrowed his brow, waving a hand in front of Y/N’s face.

“Sorry, what?” She kept glancing between George’s face and his feet. She moved around, and his feet would follow her as he continued to face her no matter where she moved.

“You’re acting weird. Anyway didn’t Ginny need something?”

“Oh yeah, I’ll just go get the tampons. I’ll find you later.” Y/N sighed in relief as she was able to quickly get away from George. Why was she so uncomfortable suddenly? She couldn’t decide how she would feel if George did have feelings for her. Her stomach had a weird feeling again. She hadn’t really ever felt this way. She was warm.

“Oh my god.” She said, staring at the tampon boxes. “Am I blushing?” She raised her hands to her face, feeling how warm her cheeks were. “Oh my god.” She whispered to herself. She grabbed a random box from in front of her and stormed off to where George was. She tossed the box angrily into the basket.

“Woah, sassy pants. What’s got your knickers in a twist?” George asked.

“Nothing.” She furrowed his brow at him. “They were just out of the brand I usually get.” She felt herself staring him down. He looked down at the basket to escape her pointed look.

“Super max?”

“I have wide set hips.”

“I believe they call those birthing hips.”

“Who is ‘they?’”

“I don’t know. It was a joke.”

“I know, I’m pointing out the flaw in your joke.”

“Ouch?”

--

“Can one of you make me a sandwich?” Ginny was staring at her phone, now wearing spandex shorts with her bra. It was like the boys had turned on the heat so she would strip (which they had, but she didn’t need to know that). 

“On it.” Draco said, quickly stopping what he was doing (drooling over her legs) as he rushed off to the kitchen.

“No, you know I’m a better cook than you.” Harry rushed off after Draco. Ginny giggled to herself. She liked having men chasing after her, and thought this game was kind of fun. It was like a game of who needed to get laid more.

“You know, what you’re doing isn’t very nice, Gin.”

“Neville, when did anyone ever use the word ‘nice’ to describe me?”

--

“Flowers for sale! Two for one dollar!”

“Oh that’s so cute, here, do you want a flower?” George offered, not waiting for an answer from Y/N as she crossed her arms and started shaking her legs as she did when she was uncomfortable. She started to spiral when he handed her the roses. She stared at them, wondering what they meant.

“You didn’t need to do that.”

“I know, but I like to support small businesses.” He shrugged, his feet weren’t pointed towards hers anymore. Maybe he didn’t like her like that. Maybe she was overthinking this.

“Oh, good point, I guess.” He giggled and pointed his toe.

“Good POINTE, right?”

“I--what?”

“You’re a dancer, right? I’m on pointe.” He giggled, continuing to walk towards the apartment. Y/N felt uncomfortable again. She mentioned it once in passing that she did ballet as a kid. Her stomach hurt again. She felt tears start to well in her eyes.

“I-I...I’ve gotta go!” She said suddenly, running off in the opposite direction of their apartment. George furrowed his brow, confused at Y/N’s odd behavior.

--

“Ginny,” Y/N burst into the door, out of breath. She had clearly been running. “I’m confused.” She looked up and became more confused when she saw Ginny was getting pampered by Draco and Harry. “I...what did I miss?”

“There you are! I looked for you everywhere! You can’t just run off like that, what are you, insane?” George stormed into the apartment. He noticed dried tear trails on Y/N’s face and dropped what he was saying. He looked towards Ginny and the guys and furrowed his brow. “What the fuck, guys?”

“How did this happen?” Y/N asked, gesturing to Draco who seemed to be giving Ginny a facial as Harry rubbed her feet.

“I don’t really remember.” Harry sighed.

“Ginny, get up.” Y/N was ready to lecture her. Ginny sighed and stood up.

“Thanks mum and dad, you two really have to ruin everything.” She sassed. George and Y/N looked at each other with wide eyes. George smirked suddenly.

“Ginny, don’t I recall hearing that Viktor is moving out? Why don’t you give him a call and see if he’s done.” George grinned, trying to expedite the process of getting Ginny out of the loft. Y/N giggled, looking at George’s side profile. He looked back over and nodded his head back towards his room. Or maybe her room, she couldn’t tell, their rooms too close together.

She followed him into his bedroom. He sat down on the bed as she closed the door and stood right by it.

“You were a bit weird today.”

“The guys and Gin were messing with me and...I don’t know. I had my knickers in a twist.”

“Oh finally, a british phrase. There we go, America.” He smiled at her. She offered a half smile. “I’d like to think that I’m your best friend next to Ginny, so you don’t have to be so weird around me.” Y/N’s heart sank. Best friends, that’s what they were.

“Yeah, you’re right. I was just surprised when you mentioned the dance thing, I guess. I’m not used to anyone other than Ginny remembering things about me.”

“Yikes, you must have awfully bad taste in men, and friends.” George pointed his head towards the direction of their living room, laughing.

“Yeah, you could say that.” She rolled her eyes, laughing, too. “I’m glad I have you. I guess. Don’t let that get to your head.”

“I would never.” George smiled.

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[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hey Steph!🌟Do u have any fics with smut that is feelingy, ie more focused on the emotional aspect & how they're feeling while doing it than the phy sensations & descriptions? Hope u get wt I'm saying. Thx in Advance!💖

OOOOO Nonny! 

I’ve got just the list for you! and it will give me an excuse to do a part two to another list of mine!! <3 

I do have a Sensuality list in the works, so look out for that in a while, but I think for now this list and the “see also” is perfect for you! 

Feel free, friends, to add your own!

EMOTIONAL LOVE MAKING Pt. 2

See also: Emotional Love Making Pt 1 || [MOBILE POST]

Just Like That by sussexbound (E, 8,442 w., Ch. 1 || First Time/Kiss, Frottage, Virgin Sherlock, French Kissing, Anal, Emotional Lovemaking, Enthusiastic Consent, Tenderness, Crying John, Bathing/Washing, Insecure John, Toplock) – John doesn’t want to talk anymore. He wants. Oh dear god, how he wants. For the first time in what feels like years he WANTS.

My First, My Only, and My Forever by vintagelilacs (E, 6,220 w., 1 Ch. || Post-ASiB, Virgin Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock’s Bum, John’s Scar, Sherlock POV, Body Worship, Fingering, Bottomlock, Promise of Forever / Proposals, Misunderstanding, First Kiss/Time, Loss of Virginity, Virginity Kink, Seduction) – Sherlock narrowed his eyes. He was missing a vital piece of data, he was sure. John had been looking at him oddly ever since they left Buckingham Palace, and the ensuing incident with Irene Adler had only exacerbated his erratic behaviour. What was it? Why would he care that Sherlock was a virgin? There was nothing reminiscent of mockery or pity in his gaze. And then it hit him. John Watson was aroused.

The Haunting of 221B Baker Street by earlgreytea68 (M, 10,388 w., 2 Ch. || Post TRF, Halloween / Ghosts, Pining Sherlock, Ghost Sherlock, Stroppy Sherlock, Sherlock POV, First Kiss/Time, Angry Sex, Ghost Sex, Love Confessions, Open / Ambiguous Ending) – In which Sherlock Holmes is a ghost.

To be loved by Strange_johnlock (E, 12,436 w., 8 Ch. || Post S3, Established Relationship, First Person POV Sherlock, Pet Names, Soft Sherlock, Mild ADHD, Protective John, Captain Watson, Body Appreciation, Bottomlock, Rough Sex, Travelling for Holidays, Introspection, Sherlock Loves John So Much It Hurts) – John is so deeply integrated into the work, both as my conductor of light, and as a great shot with a vicious right hook who tackles men -and women- no matter their size all in my defense. He protects me with all he can without question, and this loyalty is surely more than I deserve. Or: Sherlock is counting his blessings.

The Invocation of Saint Margaret by Ewebie (E, 15,831 w., 1 Ch. || POV John,  Crossing Timelines, Light Angst, Fluff, Series 3 John / Series 1 Sherlock, The Matchbox, Mushy Romance, First Time, Bisexual John, Pining John, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Sensuality, Emotional Love Making, Snippets of Time) – When Sherlock Holmes opens the matchbox from The Sign of Three and John finds himself years in the past, back to that first dinner at Angelo's with a much younger Sherlock Holmes. Is he dreaming?

The Palmyra Atoll by elwinglyre (E, 16,609 w., 3 Ch. || TSo3 Divergence / Episode Fix-It, Stockholm Syndrome, Kidnapped John Watson, John Whump, Evil Mary, Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Toplock, Limited 3rd John POV) – As John's preparing for the wedding, Sherlock is preparing to have his heart broken, and Mary is prepared to do the unthinkable. Intervention required. Enter Sherlock. Set before Sign of Three with a far different outcome. John is drugged, kidnapped, and left on an island, but not just any old island.

Permanent Fixture by vitruvianwatson (E, 18,836 w., 9 Ch || Post-S4, Parentlock, Slow Build, Friends to Lovers, They’re Good Parents, Blushing Sherlock, First Kiss/Time, Explicit Consent, Sexual Content, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Big Feelings, Crying, First Kiss, Fluff, Anxious Sherlock, Inexperienced Sherlock, Emotional Communication, Love Confessions) – Now, as Rosie sat curled up against Sherlock’s side, John watched and wondered exactly how he had ended up here. Domesticity had never suited him before, not at any point in his life. His disastrous marriage had been proof of that. But somehow, here in the warmth and safety of 221B Baker Street, here with Sherlock Holmes reading medical jargon to his daughter, Sherlock’s bony feet nudging against his leg, John couldn’t imagine anyplace that would make him happier.

Division by MrsNoggin (E, 19,542 w., 11 Ch. || Coffee Shop AU || First Kiss/Time, Fluff, Barista Sherlock, Clingy Sherlock, POV John, John’s Limp, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Sleepy Cuddles, Sensuality, Touching, Virgin Sherlock, Insecure John) – John likes mysteries. And every morning he dips into the local independent coffee bar with his newspaper and ponders another... one Sherlock Holmes.

The Wisteria Tree by SilentAuror (E, 29,773 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S3, Emotional Love Making, Amnesia/Memory Loss, Sherlock Loves John So Much, Sherlock POV, Romance, Angst with Happy Ending, First Times, Hurt/Comfort, Est. Rel., Retirement) – Sherlock wakes up from a month-long coma only to discover that he has no memory of the previous six years to his own shock as well as John's...

Only To Be With You by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (M, 40,768 w., 4 Ch. || Black Mirror / Future AU || Character Death, Future Technology, Sickness/Cancer/Illness, Heavy Angst with Happy Ending, First Person POV John, Pining John, Heart-Wrenching Angst) – I tell myself that next time I’ll come near this same place again. Wait around for the mysterious stranger in his coat to dash past me, hot on the heels of a new criminal in black. I think this all the way back to my Exit, planning where I’ll wait and what I’ll say when I see him. Scheming on how to get his name. It’s only once I reach the Exit Point door that I realize two hours and forty-five minutes have passed, and I realize that this won’t be the last time I Visit. It won’t be the last time at all.

Guidelines by WithLoweredVoices (M, 43,018 w., 15 Ch. || Winglock || Angels, Fantasy, Angst, BAMF! John, War, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Jealous John, Falling in Various Ways, Needy Sherlock) – The Good Soldier, one of the oldest and strongest of the fallen, is offered a bargain: to live as John Watson and to Guide a fledgling archangel so that he will stay on the path of good. Of course, Sherlock Holmes has different ideas about his destiny. Fantasy AU. Warnings for violence, occasional gore, and a whole load of hurt and angst.

Anchor Point by trickybonmot (E, 49,856 w., 80 Ch. || Truman Show AU || Psychological Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Dark Characters / Fic, Alternating First/Third Person, Protective John, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Tender Moments, Love Confessions, Hand/Blow Jobs, Cuddling, Jealous John, First Kiss/Time) – The world tunes in nightly for Sherlock, the ultimate in reality TV: Sherlock Holmes, a real person with a legendary name, unknowingly lives out his life in a staged setting contrived by his brother. Things get complicated when a retired army doctor joins the show to play the part of Sherlock's closest friend. This fic borrows its concept from the 1998 film, the Truman Show. However, you don't need to have any knowledge of the movie to enjoy this story.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by SilentAuror (E, 50,635 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4/S4 Divergence, Case Fic, For a Case / Reverse Fake-Relationship, Conferences, Marriage Equality, Travelling / New York, Pride, Homophobia, Bottomlock, Marriage Proposal, John POV, Sexuality, Love Confessions, Emotional Love Making, Public Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Passionate Kissing, Needy/Clingy Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Touching / Hand Holding, Bed Sharing, Little Spoon Sherlock, Intense Orgasms) – John and Sherlock go to New York to attend a conference run by the National Defence of Traditional Marriage Coalition in order to investigate the potential bombing of the annual Manhattan Pride parade. As the conference unfolds, John finds himself repulsed by the toxic ideology being presented, which becomes relevent to his own unacknowledged issues and his friendship with Sherlock...

Points by lifeonmars (E, 53,791 w., 42 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || HLV Rewrite / Canon Divergence, Married Life, Pregnancy / Baby Watson, Drinking to Cope, Boxing / Fisticuffs, Clueless John, Angst, Minor Medical Drama, Tattoos, Christmas, First Kiss/Time, Eventual Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Doctor John, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, Case Fic, Drugging, Blow/Hand Job, Emotional Love Making, Parenthood, Passage of Time) – What if His Last Vow never happened? This fic picks up a few months after John and Mary's wedding, in an alternate universe where Magnussen doesn't exist, but Mary is still pregnant. Life continues -- just in a different direction. And slowly, Sherlock and John find their way to each other.

Isosceles by SilentAuror (E, 56,609 w., 7 Ch. || Post-S4, POV John, Original Male Character / Sherlock Dates Another Man, Love Triangle, Jealous John, Virgin Sherlock, Sexual Coaching, Angst, Romance, Domesticity, Unrequited Feelings, Miscommunication, First Kiss/Time, For a Case, Friends With Benefits, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Spooning) – After solving a case for a major celebrity, Sherlock gets himself asked out. When John asks, he discovers that Sherlock has no intention of going, at least not until John agrees to coach him through whatever he might need to know for his date...

The Thing Is by TSylvestris (E, 56,743 w., 21 Ch. || Case Fic, Dev. Rel., Anal/Oral, Blow Jobs, Meddling Mycroft, Drama, Romance, Humour, Casual Encounters, Pining Idiots, Possessive Sherlock, Orgasm Delay, Rough / Alley Sex, Public Sex, John Whump, Drugged John, Emotional Love Making, Awkward Relationship, Marriage of Convenience, Switchlock) – The problem with living with Sherlock, John thought, was that you never, never, ever knew the significance of anything. Like your flatmate's nose buried in your hair. Whilst you're in bed. Part 1 of Nitroglycerine

White Knight by DiscordantWords (M, 69,840 w., 13 Ch. || S4 Compliant/Post S4, Marriage For a Case, Jealous John, Pining John, Janine / Sherlock Fake Relationship, Serial Killers, Case Fic, Undercover as a Couple, Weddings, John is a Mess, Misunderstandings, Wedding Planning, Jealousy, Drunkenness, Love Confessions, Angst with Happy Ending) – Green. The word green was used to convey a great many things. Illness. Envy. Inexperience. Standing there amidst Janine's chattering bridesmaids, watching Sherlock furrow his brow and study fabric swatches, watching him smile and simper and flirt, John thought it a remarkably apt colour choice. Because he felt quite sick to his stomach, he feared the source of said sickness might very well be jealousy, and he had absolutely no idea at all what to do about it. Or: Sherlock needs to fake a relationship for a case. He doesn't ask John.

Being John Watson-ish by elwinglyre (E, 69,902 w., 17 Ch. || Bodysnatcher AU || Author John, Cranky Sherlock, Angst, Sexual Tension, First Kiss / Time, Falling in Love, BAMF John, Past Soldier John, Feelings, Inside Someone’s Brain, Shy Sherlock, Sherlock Loves John, POV Sherlock, Switchlock, Slow Burn, Internal Dialogue, Mental Turmoil) – When consulting detective Sherlock Holmes steps on one toe too many at a crime scene, he's consigned to a desk job in an archaic office on the seventh-and-a-half floor of the New Scotland Yard. It’s in this bleak office that Sherlock discovers a portal into the mind of renowned author John Watson. Grander than his mind palace, this new wonderland affords Sherlock new vistas of experimentation. To learn more about the mystery behind the portal, Sherlock seeks out and befriends Watson. But then it all goes wrong when others find the secret portal door—including the man whose brain he visits.

Gold Rush by ShirleyCarlton (E, 71,783 w., 17 Ch. || Post S3 / No Mary, Friends to Lovers, Mentions of Past Sexual Abuse, First Kiss, Case Fic, Slow Burn, Alternating POV, Switchlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Marriage Proposal, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abduction, Anxious/Insecure Sherlock, Miscommunication, Emotional Lovemaking) – John has divorced Mary and pops round to 221B one evening to find Sherlock in the middle of a case. As Sherlock tries to find the identity of a young woman’s stalker, John realises he can no longer deny his feelings for Sherlock – which then, to their befuddlement, turn out to be mutual. Shy kisses and tentative embraces ensue. But will Sherlock be able to cast off a shadow from his past that he thinks might prevent John from wanting to stay?

Two Two One Bravo Baker by abundantlyqueer (E, 114,574 w., 27 Ch. || Military AU || Afghanistan, War Story, Thriller) – Captain John Watson of 40 Commando, the Royal Marines, is assigned to protect and assist Sherlock Holmes as he investigates what appears to be a simple war atrocity in Afghanistan. An intense attraction ignites between the two men as they uncover a conspiracy that threatens everything they’ve ever known, but Sherlock is as much hunted as hunter, and everyone close to him is in deadly danger. Can he solve the case in time to save himself and John? Part 1 of Two Two One Bravo Baker Universe

Not Broken, Just Bent by Schmiezi (E, 87,585 w., 43 Ch. || Pining, Love Confessions, Rape/Sexual Assault, Torture, Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Villain!Mary, Suicidal Ideations, Main Character Death, Sherlock First Person POV, Parentlock, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Grief/Mourning, Emotional Love Making, Possessiveness, Depression, PTSD, Kidnapping, Virgin Sherlock, Eventual Happy Ending) – "For a second, I allow myself to remember teaching John how to waltz. There is a special room in my mind palace for it. A big one, with a proper parquet dance floor. For a second, I go there. I remember holding him, closer than the World Dance Council asks for, excusing it with the fact that we are training for a wedding, not for a competition. For a second, I feel his hand on mine again, smell his sweat, hear the song we used. For a second, I allow myself to love him deeply. For a second, only a second, that love reflects on my face." Fix-it for S3, starting at the end of TSoT. Evil Mary.

Kintsukuroi by sussexbound (E, 91,823 w., 20 Ch. || S4 Compliant / Post-TLD, Grief / Mourning, PTSD, Internalized Homophobia, Therapy, Past Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Anxiety, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Suicidal Ideation, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Sexting, Frottage, Inexperienced Sherlock, Rimming / Anal / BJ’s, Emotional Turmoil, Finding Each Other) – “I love you.” Sherlock sees the words hit John with almost physical force. He reels back a little, jaw twitching and eyes filling. “I love you,” he repeats, a little softer, a little more gentle, as earnest as he possibly can. Because they’ve been teetering on the brink of this thing for years, and it had become painfully obvious over the last few months that they were at a tipping point. This had to happen. Now it has. Now they can see where they end up. The tears in John’s eyes spill over, and he wipes at them angrily. “Do you even know what that means?”  

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU ||  BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn't truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes." Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

Against the Rest of the World by SilentAuror (E, 151,714 w., 20 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Hiatus Fic, POV First Person Sherlock, Present Tense, First Kiss/Time, Big Brother Mycroft, Escaping from Capture, Soft Sherlock, Toplock, Insecurity, Infidelity, Travelling, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Depression, Fantasies, Yearning for the Past, PTSD Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation) – Sherlock has been away from London for nine hundred and twelve days and counting, and has no idea what sort of reception to expect when he finally returns.

Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.

[tanoraqui]

okay I have to do this today because even I wouldn’t do it after the godforsaken finale airs, and it’s basically my specialty and I did spend like an hour thinking about it last night while washing dishes. Definitely partly inspired by @words-writ-in-starlight​‘s insightful post on everything Supernatural did wrong, and apologies in advance to all the characters for dragging them into anything related to Christian mythology:

Wei Wuxian’s parents die in a house fire when he’s 6(? I refuse to look anything up) months old

Jiangs are a hunter family I guess? That whole disaster of a family dynamic, except WWX dips out at some point to be idk an environmental activist bc at the time, that seems like the larger threat to the whole world. “Mom and Dad went on a hunting trip and they haven’t come back”, “bitch” “jerk”, 2 brothers in a beat-up old car, you know the drill

Jins are also an old hunting family, but more Men of Letters energy - they have a fancy bunker and do research and avoid getting their actual hands dirty. Jiang Yanli ducked out of the active hunting life a few years ago to be happily married to her peacock and settled down with a baby and she’s fine. We’re not going to bother Yanli. She’s safe and happy and doesn’t need to involved in any of this

so, WWX is the demon blood child developing exciting new abilities like telekinesis, mind control, exorcising demons by sheer force of will...etc, and Jiang Cheng is the Righteous Man. Lucifer, Michael, etc.

s1-3 probably proceeds more or less as spn canon...which I more or less remember...by the time they find their parents at the end of s1, Jiang Fengmian is...ugh, we probably shouldn’t kill him offscreen, I mean, we should probably meet him before he dies. I guess. Madam Yu lasts longer because I’m way more interested in her. But we do know that both Jiang parents are totally inclined to fling the boys into a metaphorical or literal escape boat and go hold the line for as long as possible, so...that’s spn energy...

Xue Yang is the one who’s like “fuck yeah, demon powers” and opens the gates of Hell, because I want him to have nice* things

*nice for Xue Yang

from characterization rather than memory, I’m 90% sure that Dean tried to hide his crossroads deal from Sam, but Jiang Cheng does it...better. I think it does come out, though. Right before the hellhounds do.

here’s where it starts to go farther off from spn canon. Jiang Cheng crawls his way out of the grave, gets stalked by a menacing presence that explodes windows for an episode, incidentally can’t find WWX...*Lan Wangji voice* “I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition” (a baller line then and a baller line now)...and then the next episode starts with them all awkwardly standing around, and JC is like, “ok well let’s go find my brother then”, and you think there’s going to be an mdzs-riffing JC+LWJ Roadtrip To Find WWX...and they’re immediately attacked by like a dozen demons

in fact, the first time we see WWX in s4 is here, wherein he goes toe to toe with an angel and...holds his own. that’s new and terrifying! also is leading a squad of demons??

because here’s the thing: for the last 3(?) months, there’s been war in hell

because unlike Some People Mooses, upon finding out that his brother’s soul was legally nearly-owned by a crossroads demon, heir-apparent-to-Satan!WWX went, “actually fuck that” and kicked open the door of Hell (metaphorically, not loosing any demons this time) and was like, “who do I have to beat the shit out of to get a specific crossroads contract around here”

this did not work, obv. He didn’t know until it was too late, Lilith had already snapped up the contract, etc. etc.

obviously he also tried to offer himself instead, and got rejected for some reason

Since Jiang Cheng died, however, there’s been a war for control of Hell. Leading one side, Lilith, the Original Babe, who wants to break all 666(?) seals keeping Lucifer bound and in the meantime, break the Righteous Man so Heaven won’t even have Michael’s destined host ready for the Final Battle. Leading the other side, Wei Wuxian, infamous upstart, who wants to rescue the Righteous Man and restore him to life, tear Lilith’s guts out through her nose, and also stop her from doing the Lucifer thing because Wen Qing explained that yes, that’s a Thing, and it’s Bad.

Wen Qing! I’ve decided to combine Bela and Ruby’s roles and let WQ be both the cool badass example of how demon deals can go Bad and the demon deliberately leading our heroes astray for most of s3-4. Wen Qing is a very new demon; she used to be some sort of herbalist/witch but then she sold her soul in a crossroads deal to cure her brother of some lingering illness. 10 years of happiness and then boom, hellhounds. WQ is so obviously competent, though, that they (Lilith, I guess?) immediately offers her a job, with the promise threat that gee, that’s a nice brother you’ve got there, even with his Designated Chronic Health Condition getting all relapse-y. It’d be such a shame if something were to...happen to him...

we find this out at some point in last s3 I guess? some Monster of the Week case involves WN as a witness or something, or possible next victim, and WQ shows up to be A Normal Amount Of Invested In This, while desperately trying to avoid actually interacting with her brother (who thinks she’s dead). YES, the truth comes out; YES there’s a tearful reunion

now in s4, Wen Ning is fine actually, health-wise, bc he maybe made a crossroads deal with Wei Wuxian personally, and Wen Qing may or may not have admitted that she’s supposed to be working for Lilith to get WWX ready to host Lucifer? Or potentially that comes out later, idk. Either way, she’s 100% his top lieutenant in this exciting Hell War they’re waging

[insert whatever the hell (ha) happened plot-wise in s4 of supernatural]

we obviously mix up the relationships, too, bc it’s like, *LWJ internal monologue* I’m too young to remember my brother Lucifer as he was before he Fell, but surely Wei Wuxian is his Heir and Destined Vessel in truth, for he is Charismatic and Charming and Makes Me Feel Things, with his Clearly Feigned Righteous Drive and Compassion for All God’s Creatures and - why does heat keep pooling in the lower abdomen of my vessel when I look at his lips, which I am definitely doing a Normal and Not-Weird Amount - I’m just keeping an eye out for the famed Silver Tongue, and not in any way wondering how it would feel in my own mouth -

it’s actually DEFINITELY plausible for Lucifer to still be released even if our designated Heir Apparent is using his demon powers to his full potential and no one’s lying to each other about their motives. You just need to let Lilith be more scary too, and especially bc by “no one” I mostly mean Wen Qing; the angels are still totally hiding the fact that they, too, want to jumpstart the shit out of this apocalypse.  LWJ decides at the last minute that that’s a bad idea actually, gets himself discorporated to send JC to intercept WWX because he accidentally releases Lucifer, etc. etc. Oh yeah, the boys were def fighting before this, bc JC has actually fairly reasonable concerns about the sort of things WWX is getting up to in his quest to become King of Hell...

SO

...I neither know nor care what happens in s5

it does end with both Lucifer and Michael locked in the cage probably, bc I rather liked that solution. Fuck both of ‘em, basically.

I was toying with the idea that WWX also found Madam Yu in whatever hellish torment she was suffering after making a deal so her idiot son(s) would survive, and she was leading forces for him in the war against Lilith as well. If she came back to life somehow, body and all, it’d probably be compelling if she offered her own body to Michael - bc it’s her lineage! - and we’re all led to believe that she’s, uh, being a bitch and actually wants to risk destroying the world in order to destroy all demons...but then she seizes back control and flings herself/Michael and Lucifer into the Pit, because she’s just That Hardcore?

which means we’d actually have had her around and having characterization for most of s4-5, too, which would be fun

More importantly, it ends with newly crowned King of Hell Wei Wuxian appointing Wen Qing as Queen-Regent and ditching to go on an indefinite honeymoon with his new angel boyfriend (they’re going to fuck for like three weeks straight, then roll up their sleeves and go conquer Heaven in the name of free will), and Jiang Cheng gets to live out his hitherto-unknown-to-himself life’s ambition to be the sugar baby of the Queen of Hell. It’s very Hades/Persephone, except he goes back down to the underworld at least once a month. He gets his own demon squad whom he trains up in all the hunting techniques and it’s gr9. Wen Qing is reforming the crossroads deal process to make it more fair to the humans.

the end

Addenda:

it should go without saying but Jiang Yanli is definitely a recurring character, like, at least once a season there’s a filler episode where they go to Jiang Yanli’s for dinner and have to get along as a family, and also do the much easier job of defeating some sort of terrible demon that gets loose in the bunker and turns the evening into a horror movie. She’s their main research/emotional check-in person, a la Bobby, more often appearing in later seasons when there’s, uhhh, more to emotionally check in about.

Jin Zixuan is actually a perfectly competent hunter; he’s just a priss and we don’t Like him

we like Mianmian, though. Oh, I guess the official Hunter’s Guild or w/e tries to declare WWX a public enemy on account of the whole “King of Hell” thing and she’s like “actually what if you’re morons and assholes?” and joins hte team in s4 or 5? Yeah.

idk how the 3zun disaster happens in this ‘verse but I do encourage it to be happening in slow motion as a recurring subplot for several seasons. NMJ is a hunter, LXC is obv an angel, and JGY is...I wanna say one of the more human monsters, like a vampire? Or, you know, something that could be born from JGS sleeping with someone/something he shouldn’t have

[jbbuckybarnes]

List of Firsts

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader (2k) Description: You’re working on a movie project with Sebastian & Anthony in Atlanta and the topic of “Experiences in your late teens and early twenties” comes up. Warnings: anxiety, panic attack, not proofread A/N: I don’t write much RPF anymore, so I hope this doesn’t read too awkward.

Masterlist

You had been experiencing a lot of great things on set. Not only was this your first role you ever got, it was also a freaking side role in a few episodes of a Marvel series. With the potential to become something bigger. But that wasn‘t the main reason why it was great. You finally got the positivity you had been craving all your life. The man playing Bucky Barnes, Sebastian, had been an absolute delight to be around. Always joking, always listening and always getting way too deep and philosophical. Anthony had the joking part down and whenever you had a bad day on set you just stood around him to get some of that positivity. „So I gave her a piggyback ride so we could get out of there without her whining about her feet hurting.“ Seb talked about some party a couple years back with a big smile. „I‘ve never gotten a piggyback ride.“ You commented looking up at the sky. You two were on daybeds and had a break from filming. He looked at you with a frown, „Excuse me? You‘ve never had fun in your life?“ You chuckled, „I guess so.“ It kind of hurt to know that you didn‘t have the life you wanted until now. You barely had any friends and never really got out of the house. The last big memories you had made were 4 years ago. „You know, I just didn‘t do a lot of cool or random things until now. I was either the annoying girl or an outsider. And when that started to change my anxiety hit and I isolated myself. So I never really had late teens or early twenties to just have fun,“ you explained. „Gosh, sorry, that probably sounded really mean then.“ He frowned thinking about his comment. „It‘s alright. I‘m used to it.“ You mumbled. „Do you have a list, you know, of things that you haven‘t done and still want to do?“ He asked curiously. „Like a list of firsts? No. It would probably be super long, especially when you include a food section.“ You chuckled at the image of Spongebob‘s endless list in your mind. „Name one.“ „Gosh, I don‘t know, holding hands? Cooking with someone that‘s not family? Forehead kisses? Oh, I have a good one, water pistol fight.“ You giggled and saw him light up a bit. „And food?“ „Sushi, Poptarts, any Thai food pretty much, Tapas.“ You counted them off. „We‘re gonna have sushi for dinner then.“ He decided in disbelief and made you laugh. You knew he just wanted everyone to be happy around here. It showed in his little efforts to make you feel more comfortable.

___

„Here.“ He held out a water pistol to you the weekend after you had talked. „Wait, what?“ You looked up at him confused. „It‘s hot, we‘re in Atlanta and we happen to have an outdoor pool in this hotel, so I bought these.“ He shrugged as if it was nothing. „Seb, I‘m wearing white.“ Your right eyebrow shot up. A shrug came back again with a sly smile, „Shit happens.“ He ran towards the pool to fill up his water pistol, „No!“ You ran after him with yours and the fight had begun. A splash of water drenched your shirt, showing your black sports bra underneath. You retaliated and aimed at his chest while trying to get into a hiding spot. „Nice bra.“ He laughed like a little boy. „Nice abs, macho.“ You rolled your eyes aiming at him from your spot behind a pillar. His hair was hit and ruined with a celebratory laugh from you as he started charging for you, making you run with a giggle. The back of your shirt was hit too, as well as your hair. „Seb!“ you squeaked out and hid behind another pillar where a back and forth ensued. „You‘re an idiot.“ You laughed before he leapt forward and grabbed you to empty the rest of the water he had onto your head with a big pout from you. „Just because you‘re bigger than me.“ You crossed your arms as the water ran down your shoulders. „Poor baby.“ He cooed before unexpectedly getting the rest of your water straight into his face. „You play dirty, I see.“ He smirked mischievously with water droplets from his hair hitting your face that had a giant grin on it. You reached down to wring out your shirt, „Do you have anything to change into? My stuff is in the washing machine downstairs.“ „Uh, yeah.“ he mumbled before getting off his shirt and wringing it out too. Half an hour later you sat in the lobby with a big hoodie and a cup of tea. Even better, you sat there being held warm by a certain idiot.

___

„Hey, what‘s wrong, darling.“ He asked softly leaning forward to meet you at eye level. „Nothing, I‘m just having a headache and feel very dizzy. I‘ll survive it,“ you mumbled and cuddled deeper into the coat your character was usually wearing. „Already took a painkiller?“ His head dipped to the side and you nodded a little weak. „Sebastian, Y/N, next scene.“ An assistant knocked at the door. „Coming in a second,“ he answered. He held out both of his hands to help you up and saw you almost fall back again. „Oh, dear.“ He exhaled at your state of health. „Did someone stick a knife in my head?“ You asked defeated. „C‘mon, take my hand. You‘ll sit down in between takes and I‘ll stare down everybody that wants you to overwork yourself.“ He grabbed your hand softly and felt you squeeze it back for stabilization. The rest of the day was spent in front of the camera, on a chair with a water bottle or hanging onto him for dear life to not trip. „Thank you,“ you mumbled by the end of the day and had two giant hands on your head, slowly pushing down on pain points. „Hey, I know how fucking awful it is to work with a knife in your head.“ He chuckled. „You didn‘t have to do it though.“ You shrugged and relaxed a little at the pain points in your neck being released. „Okay, that might hurt a little more.“ He mumbled as he pushed the points connecting neck and shoulders. An uncomfortable whimper left you, „Ouch.“ „Sorry.“ He went over them softly and had you fall against his chest seconds later. „God, I feel so much better now.“ Your voice was muffled against his clothes and he gave you a full bear hug, side to side swaying and all. „Can I always have someone like you when I feel bad?“ You asked looking up with a tired smile and got a grin back.

___

„You two are cute, you know?“ Anthony commented as Sebastian looked over to you filming a scene alone. „What do you mean?“ A brow shot up as he looked to his friend. „Everyone‘s been saying that you both, uh, spent some time alone in your trailer last week after we wrapped.“ A cheeky grin came back. A frown built on his face, „Yeah, she had a headache and I just did that pain point thing my mom always did to me when I was younger.“ „Then why have you been holding hands that entire day?“ Now Anthony‘s brow shot up. „She was tripping all over the place because the headache made her dizzy. So I just helped her to not fall on her face all day.“ „Oh. So that‘s why she sat so much between takes.“ „Do you wanna tell me,“ His hand went over his face, „That people see me holding someone‘s hand and immediately assume I just-“ „I mean, it‘s not half bad. There are worse people to be your rumor girlfriend.“ His friend chuckled and stopped pretty fast at the concerned face. „I just...She told me a bit about herself and how her life was before this and I‘m honestly just trying to make her days a little bit brighter. I don‘t wanna come off that way.“ „Hey, don‘t get in your head about it. She clearly enjoys being around you too.“ A smile. „I‘m not int-“ „Anthony!“ And he needed to film his next scene. You looked over to him in the chair as you talked to someone from the production for a while, but when you wanted to walk towards him he was gone. And he was for the rest of the day unless he needed to film. The same happened the next day and the day after. „Anthony?“ „Huh?“ „Is there something wrong with Sebastian?“ His face got worried, „Not that I know of, why?“ „I don‘t know. He just hasn‘t talked to me in a few days and I don‘t know why.“ You fidgeted with your hands. „I‘ll talk to him, alright?“ A nod and then you got back to work.

___

You got all internal about it. What did you do wrong? Did you say something hurtful? Did something bad happen in his life that he didn‘t want to share? Maybe you were just not a priority with all his friends around, you‘d understand that. But why was he in his trailer all the time then? You woke up the next day and had an anxious and sad feeling sticking to you the entire morning. You could handle certain uncertainties but not the ones that had to do with people around you. After a while you got ready for the day and went into hair and makeup. He was no different today. Well, a little different. He wasn‘t in his trailer the entire time anymore. Whenever you weren‘t needed you just cowered together in a chair or some other place. Your breathing got uneven, your thoughts started to spiral, heart rate picked up, palms got sweaty, your knees shaky. „Oh please no,“ you whispered to yourself. Anxiety attacks you could control, panic attacks only came when you were stressed out and without a trigger. You hectically looked up and looked around in your cotton-feeling world, when you saw him talk to one of his friends. You made a beeline for him with a deep frown in your face that he couldn‘t ignore and couldn‘t run from. Your head landed on his chest and with a whimper you got out, „Panic attack.“ You felt arms wrap around you softly and a thumb going through your hair. „I‘m here. Breathe slowly,“ he murmured in a soft voice. You followed the 5-6-7 rule for what felt like an hour, your knees feeling more and more like jello. He got down a little and picked you up, „Keep it up.“ He carried you away from all the noise and into a room drowning it all out. „You made me so worried,“ you whimpered, „What did I do?“ „I‘m sorry, you did nothing. I just...I guess I‘m just an idiot.“ „Yeah, but why?“ You looked up at him as he set you back down. „There was a rumor about...us. And I didn‘t want that to, you know, ruin anything.“ You dipped your head to the side, „I don‘t care about rumors.“ „Yeah, usually me neither, but I guess there was something to it when it comes to me.“ he shrugged. „Please never do that again. I thought I did something bad,“ you mumbled and felt his hands by your face again. „Promise.“ A kiss was placed on your forehead.

___

„So, uh,“ he stood there with a demeanor of a schoolboy on one of your location shooting days, „would you, after we filmed today, maybe, you know, grab something to eat with me?“ „Yeah, sure.“ You shrugged. „As...like a date.“ He added a little softer and scrunched up his face expecting a bad response. „Oh, uh,“ You could feel the heat rise up to your face, „Y-yeah. Sure.“ You saw triumph on his face and boxed him against the chest, „You said grab, not sitting in a loud restaurant.“ „Uuuh, you wanna cook with someone else for the first time?“ He wiggled his brows. „Someone that can‘t cook, may I add.“ You rolled your eyes with a smile. „Congratulations, you signed up for a whole series of firsts just with having me cook.“ He laughed before you were sent to do your job again. A job that went by way faster with something to look forward to.

[subtlereferencetomyinterests]

Complexities Unknowable- Chapter 4

Ao3, chapters  1   2   3   5,  MasterPost

Relationships: Deintruality, background Analogince

The plot of this was lowkey destroyed because apparently Patton and Janus are already somft, but that’s fine. I will continue to call Janus ‘Deceit’ throughout this entire fic to maintain consistency, just so you know. Also, this one’s a long boy, so strap in.

Warnings: Descriptions of gore/body horror (Remus stuff, nothing super bad), swearing, all sympathetic sides, lack of sleep, light arguing, food mention.

Word Count: 2,536

“Did he come back this morning? What did he say?”

“He didn’t do anything bad. Well, nothing super bad. I’m kinda getting used to it.”

“That’s worse!” Virgil was perched on the arm of the couch, staring up at Patton with troubled eyes. Beside him Roman and Logan sat together, the latter looking much less invested in the argument (though he was letting Virgil fidget with his fingers so as to avoid picking apart the threads of his hoodie). 

“It’s not so bad. I think he’s just looking for someone to talk to!” Well, it was like that by now. Patton knew that that wasn’t how it started. It had been about two and a half weeks since Remus had first started popping up to meet Patton before breakfast, and he’d grown quite accustomed to it. Deceit often showed up at night, but his schedule was more sporadic. They did their best to upset him, but the emotional side refused to be mean, no matter what they did! 

But then he’d found that, as their interactions continued, they got much less distressing. They were something else entirely. Odd enough that Patton couldn’t keep himself from telling his family any longer.

“Just ignore him; he’ll get bored.” Roman said tiredly.

“True; if you want them to stop bothering you, it’s best to just not give the two any attention,” Logan added, prompting Roman to give a proud little smile and hum. 

Patton shifted, taking a moment to respond. He wasn’t sure he wanted them to stop bothering him.

Remus grinned at Morality for the second day in a row as he walked into the kitchen. Today, his hand was pressed firmly against the hot stove, skin bubbling in plain view. 

“Oh! You’re back!” Patton forced a smile as he watched Remus nod and remove his red, blistering hand from the burner and heal himself instantly. 

“Yup! Happy to see me?”

Patton  inhaled deeply, pressing his hands against his face. Though his eyes were covered, he could hear Remus giggling to himself.

“Can I- Can I help you with something?” 

The Dark Side seemed to mull the question over for a moment, and then placed his hand back down on the active burner and shrugged. After getting bored with the stove trick, he sat up and grabbed a knife from the block and stabbed it down between each of his fingers repetitively. Patton stood awkwardly, unsure of what to do. In his own kitchen.

You know what? If Remus wanted to hang around while he made breakfast, then the more the merrier! Morality decided he could ignore the occasional tearing sound of a knife on flesh, putting on the coffee pot for when Logan and Virgil eventually woke up. 

He continued on for a while, making pancakes in relative silence. Until his company got bored. 

“Why do you do this every morning?”

“Make breakfast?” 

Remus nodded.

“I do it because it’s nice to do something nice for the other sides.”

“Yeah, but why?”

“They’re my family,” Patton answered with a smile. The Duke seemed to toss the answer around in his head for a minute.

“I mean, I can see how they’re each other’s family, cuz they’re fucking- what makes them your family, then?”

They’re sides like me, he could’ve said, but caught himself. We care about each other, was another answer that probably wouldn’t be great. So he didn’t say anything, faking distraction.

“If you were me,” Remus continued, voice dipping, “You’d know that family means a whole lot of nothing.”

The statement had that odd quality of recitation. He was quoting someone. The usual energy with which The Duke spoke was diminished, but before Patton could ask anything about it, footsteps rushed down the stairs and Remus was gone in a blink. 

Part of him was happy that they’d grown on him- because it proved that he wasn’t nasty or mean- but a much larger part was very, very guilty. He was so sure that they were that they were the mean ones, but now he couldn’t tell. He’d been wrong before.

Patton loved his ‘family’, he really did, but not the way they did each other. Truth be told, he’d also been looking for someone to talk to. 

“You’re back,” Patton acknowledged, his eyes barely open. Deceit didn’t look even a twinge sleepy, dressed as formally as he ever was and sitting with perfect posture. This was the fourth time.

“Don’t sound too excited, Morality,”

“Why are you here, again?” 

“Oh, I’m wounded. I can’t just stop by to see my favorite side?” 

Deceit had seemingly recovered from whatever had him acting less cruel in their previous interactions, but Patton couldn’t say that he was surprised. He wasn’t an idiot. If this was the game they were playing, then fine. Fine.

He paused the episode of Steven Universe he was rewatching and clicked back to The Good Place. It was the episode they’d left off on a few nights before. 

“What are you doing?” Deceit sounded surprised. Patton shot him a look.

“I’m putting on something we both like. It’s considerate. And don’t worry, I didn’t watch it without you.”

The reptilian beside him scoffed, but he didn’t say anything, so. Point for Patton.

They got through a full episode before Deceit spoke up again, pretending to inspect his nails through his gloves. 

“You’ve got quite the healthy sleep schedule.”

“You’re up too,” was the nicest way Morality could think to phrase, you’re one to talk, jerk.

“I have the self-respect to sleep in late. I absolutely abhor the nighttime, but I’m guessing you’ve got another reason being up so late. Isn’t that right?”

Patton paused the show. 

“You really wanna know?”

“Please, enlighten me.”

The goal here, it seemed, was to upset and confuse. And the best way to trip up deception was by being honest, truly and completely.

“I just need to not think. Just for a little while. It’s so hard not to think about all the not-great things I’ve done,” he’d never told anyone how bad it got at night. Maybe that’s what made it so easy to tell Deceit, to get some of the pressure off his shoulders with someone that wouldn’t look at him so pityingly. It was good to tell someone who wouldn’t care.

It was a while before Deceit replied.

“That was the first true thing you’ve said to me, I think. I suppose I should return the favor-” And Deceit looked at him, completely understanding, “Since you were so surprised to learn we found you unpleasant, Remus and I decided to show you why that was. In a way. But maybe that’s not what either of us need.”

Patton finally glanced up, eyes wide. The fact that it was some malicious plot was unsurprising. The second statement was both surprising and confusing. But Deceit wasn’t meeting his eyes, and it was far too late to try to pry anything more out of him. So they just watched TV. Together.

“Pat?”

Virgil’s voice broke him from his thoughts. Patton made sure that he was smiling before he looked up.

“Is there something you aren’t telling us? You’re kinda radiating anxiety right now, buddy,” Virgil’s face darkened, “Did they do something to you? So you won’t-”

“Or can’t,” Roman added.

“-Or can’t ask for help?” 

Patton appreciated the concern, but he couldn’t help it if the insinuation that they would control him made him wince a disgustedly. How could they really think that Deceit or Remus would do that? (he was pointedly ignoring the part of himself that thought they did things like that less than a month ago.)

That morning, when Remus swung down from the top of the fridge in his kraken-like form, Patton hardly blinked. He yawned, in fact, smiling sleepily. 

“G’morning.” 

Remus picked himself up off the floor and shapeshifted into his usual appearance, pouting. 

“Aww, you’re desensitized.”

To be fair, he’d done this every morning for the past two weeks. Patton was quite used to the company, but he still threw his hands up and gave a very fake scream for Remus’ sake. That turned Creativity’s expression right around to a grin and he bounced his shoulders in a laugh. It was oddly cute.

“Hey, I like this,” Remus announced, bending back the prongs of a fork. Morality smiled to cover up that he had no clue how to respond. He almost thought it was some kind of lure, and he wasn’t losing whatever this game was to them. But, Deceit had implied that whatever plan they had was disbanded. But Deceit was Deceit! But that moment had seemed so sincere, and honestly, he wanted to like this too-

“Your eggs are burning,” said Remus, right against his ear. Patton startled at the sudden proximity, and also at the fact that he was totally botching breakfast. Family breakfast.

“Shucks- Thanks-” he hastily took the pan off the heat, “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, but you might not like the answer,” The Duke warned, likely having no idea what Patton was going to ask about but knowing it was applicable regardless.

“Why do you always leave when the others wake up?”

He scrunched up his face, pausing whatever it was he was doing with a spare handful of forks. Morality had noticed that his various disturbing activities had gradually gotten a lot less deliberately upsetting and a lot more like he was just trying to keep his hands busy while chatting. 

“‘Shucks’ is just a combination of shit and fuck,” he said instead of answering. 

“Language!” 

Patton let him change the subject; it wasn’t his business, anyway. Remus cackled- part relief but mostly genuine amusement- and carried on as though nothing had happened. Morality listened to him ramble, and looked over when Creativity wanted to show him some piece of art or his rapidly expanding silverware sculpture. Eventually, when footsteps filled the house and Remus was gone, Patton noticed an aching pain in his face. He quickly realized it hurt from how wide his smile had been.

Oh- maybe ‘desensitized’ wasn’t the right word for how he felt about the Dark Sides.

Morality was going to defend Remus and Deceit. Just like he’d defended Virgil to the others all those years ago, before everything (funny, that, and how the three of them ended up together. Maybe if traits listened to him more, they’d see he ended up right sometimes. And Patton hoped- believed- he was right about this).

“I don’t need help, and they didn’t hurt me! Honestly, they may be a little eccentric, but they aren’t… evil.” 

Three sides gazed incredulously at Patton. He couldn’t blame them, for as soon as he said it he could only hear it as something someone else would be telling him. He remained unwavering regardless.

“Well, of course they aren’t; they are sides of Thomas like the rest of us, and naturally they strive to do what they think is best for him. But, their methods and wants are unrealistic at best and extremist at worst, so it is fair that we’d be concerned.”  

Virgil grumbled low in his throat, looking slightly mollified. 

“I- well- yeah, I just don’t want Patton getting in over his head.”

“What now?”

It was the first night since their last weirdly emotional conversation, and though Remus showed up everyday, Morality had almost thought it was the last he’d seen of Deceit. He was relieved it wasn’t, and his question really wasn’t meant to come out that way.

“You totally don’t just have to ask me to leave. It’s not like I’m no longer here on false pretenses- wait, not no longer- I confused myself,” while he was trying to parse out his own words, Patton let out a slightly surprised laugh. 

“No, it’s alright, I- um, I’m used to you guys being around.” 

The inaccuracy of the word “desensitized” once again flashed in his mind as he saw Deceit tamp down a smile, barely hiding the way his fangs peeked out. 

“Well, I still haven’t seen the series finale of The Good Place, so I might as well stay,” he drawled in feigned indifference. 

“The show just wouldn’t be the same without your running commentary,” Patton playfully nudged the liar’s shoulder.

They watched half of season four in one sitting. 

Patton ran a hand down his face and groaned, earning a concerned look from his best friend. 

“I’ll tell you if I need help, I promise. But I need you to trust me that, right now, I’m okay.”

“I trust you,” Virgil replied without hesitation, “It’s them I don’t trust.”

“Well, why not?” 

Logan and Roman exchanged knowing looks while Anxiety tensed his shoulders. He huffed, eyes downcast.

“I mean… it’s not exactly a secret that I didn’t leave on great terms. I wouldn’t be surprised if they still had it out for, like, all of us, due to association. Especially considering-” he gestured to Roman, who gave a solemn nod. Patton briefly reflected on the terrible fact that nobody in his life could communicate effectively (including himself (wow, maybe some of Deceit’s bitterness was rubbing off on him)). 

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take if it means there’s a chance that we’ll all come out of this for the better!” At this point it was unlikely that there was any risk, but arguing with his family made his head hurt.

“If you think you can get them to be cooperative, then I’m all for it. Our current state isn’t exactly sustainable in the long term, so we’d better resolve the issue sooner rather than later,” Logan said.

“It would be nice to not have to worry about those guys all the time, I guess. If you really think you can get them under control,” Virgil shifted uncomfortably. 

“Yes- but if they do get out of hand, I will take care of them for you, Padre!” Roman flew to his feet with a self-assured smirk, eyes blazing like he could see the scene before him as he summoned his sword. 

“That...  is very sweet. I’ll keep that in mind, Ro,” Morality gently patted his arm, subtly trying to guide the sword out of its path of destruction. 

As the conversation lulled, Patton made his escape, calling out an excuse of making lunch. 

As Patton tidied his work space, his eyes flicked over the counters. He spotted a disheveled black sketchbook that lay forgotten by the stove, its cover swallowed by stickers and doodles which were unmistakably Remus’. 

That morning, The Duke had wandered in and pushed himself up onto the counter, holding out his sketchbook wordlessly, a smile on his face. It was routine by that point, but Patton was still ecstatic every time he got to see the art. While it was horrifying almost all the time, his love of drawing overpowered his disgust and he couldn’t help but shower the pictures with compliments (seeing the way Remus’ usual manic expression softened with appreciation was also a bonus).

After peeking his head around the corner to ensure that the rest of the sides were sufficiently distracted, Patton grabbed the lost leatherbound book and sank out to return it. 

Taglist:

@deceits-left-glove​ @princemesscharming @shrimp-crockpot

[iamconstantine]

RWBY V3E5: Never Miss a Beat

* PEEEEENNNNNYYYYYY * OH DIP is Penny on an actual team now?? * You guys know I love this show’s actions scenes but sometimes these characters do backflips for literally no reason

* See, like...This is a problem I’m noticing in a lot of these new female characters. There’s promise for a cool design there but they’re all made from the same model. They change the hair, skin, eye color, clothes, etc. but they all have roughly the same build and face. * Also I can’t tell who this girl is supposed to be but I’m sure it’ll hit me like a sack of bricks later * “Thank you for a wonderful time!” I’m headcanoning that Penny has a bloodthirst streak rn * Penny you can’t glomp people you way like 5000 lbs * I 100% do not have anything against Ciel’s voice at all but I think maybe her VA was a little too close to the mic? There’s a notable difference in her and Ruby/Penny’s audio quality * I’m going to throw my cards in and guess the rabbit from Alice in Wonderland, maybe? I can’t immediately think of another character all about time management * “Like Weiss!” “Precisely!” I don’t know whether to be disappointed or amused that Weiss is still Salt Queen * Oh? I just kind of assumed everyone kind of knew at this point, my bad. I guess everyone thinks the multiple swords are her semblance?  * And, like...is it? Is she like Pyrrha? * Missed opportunity for an “I played it off *cut to them totally NOT playing it off*” joke * Awww Penny noooo * Ruby and Penny: *important conversation about Penny’s role with Atlas* Ciel:

* Mm...it was a little short of a minute but I’ll give em credit * FREE-ZER-BURN! FREE-ZER-BURN!

* I have no idea when I got it into my head that Yang was like...EXTREMELY taller than everyone else and dwarfed Ruby and Weiss. (Unless Weiss is wearing heels) * “I think we can expect strict, militant fighters with advanced technology and carefully rehearsed strategy!”

* Weiss stop you’re walking into a trap stop feeding him * see, sometimes I’m conflicted about holding Weiss accountable for the Schnee Dust Company. Blake I feel was justified since Weiss was talking very proudly about how great it was despite its business practices, but in this case, I’m not so sure. Weiss wasn’t even gloating and he’s pulling the “You’re related to the person who wronged me” card * “Why don’t YOU? That’s what you sound like!” Wow! I hate her! * jowejowauehp I love how instead of Yang being angry she’s like “wh...huh?” * “where’d you get your hair extensions?” asks the girl that probably uses melted skittle juice to dye her hair * “...Top heavy.”  * First of all:

* Second of all: Tops, by definition, cannot be top-heavy

* tfw you thuoght you were about to face some serious military-grade opponents but one’s just a smooth jazz player with a vendetta against your dad and the other is a :3 kawaii lol so random rawr girl who insults your teammate’s boobs out of nowhere  * I figured the attack was going to be a sonic jazz blast * *INTENSE CARELESS WHISPER* * I wish the sound was like...actual music playing, at least. I know it’s supposed to be bad but like...my ears are bleeding.

* I’m very incredibly sorry to anyone that disagrees and/or loves Weiss but this is so far the dumbest, most humiliating way I’ve seen someone get hit in a match so far and I saw a girl break her ass on a skateboard * Sometimes the rainbow effect is fine but other times it’s not doing so great * Actual scene: high-action, gunfire, explosions The music:

* I can’t believe Yang might be beaten by Nyan Cat Beams * “Look! Now you’re bottom heavy too!” She always has been.

* don’t like that * The record scratch I’m love * Ngl I love that music transition into that sort of jazzy quartet style now that the fight is back on Weiss and Blow Job * “Too bad all that money can’t buy you skill!” Too bad having it be your only weapon on the battlefield can’t let you play the trumpet good for shit * There you go Weiss!

* I keep forgetting Oobleck actually has eyes and is kind of a bishounen behind them * Can’t believe that of all the things these people see on a regular basis it’s a guy becoming a rainbow quartet that gets the HUH???? reactions * “You are kind of pretty when you’re angry!” Okay now I’m just convinced this girl is thirsty and is flirting with Yang. * “I wasn’t saying you SHOULD go on a diet! I was saying you NEED to go on a diet!” Ooooor she’s just jealous that Yang has All That Going on For Her while rainbow girl has All...That Going on For Her

* Listen I don’t want to be a nitpicky butthole but didn’t these two just teleport over here just so he could see them? * Yang just go super saiyan already! She’s clearly maxed out your anger points. * There’s no doubt in my mind that people probably really love this rainbow girl but I spent my school years with like 4 “lol im so cewl and quirky im going 2 insult u all coy but then just straight up say wat i mean lolololol uwu” girls and she’s reminding me of every one of them * oh my fucking god she fucking dead * I am really, genuinely confused. Where did Weiss go???

* don’t like that * “Don’t worry about her! She’s easy!” Nah you just wish she was you thirsty bubblegum pop wannabe.

* YANG YANG YANG YANG YANG!! * GO FOR HER ROLLERSKATES! * Man Yang really did pull the cartoony “hold one end of the gun so it fires out the other thing” huh * Which reminds me I don’t think either of these characters had guns for weapons!

* OH MY FUCKING GOD SHE FUCKING DEAD

* Oh Weiss is there still * My heart being warmed by team FNKI actually being sportsmanlike and complimenting Yang and Weiss and Neon asking to hang out later is really confusing my body’s visceral response to Neon in general * oof. ouch. Okay. I’m sorry. But when Ruby and Blake are running to Weiss and Yang they just...shrink.

* Like it isn’t just me right? * Can I just go one damn episode without seeing the three stooges please * “What does that mean?” Mercury I hate you from the bottom of my heart but thanks at least for not just taking the whole ~mysterious evil line~ at face value * ...which is then followed by another ~mysterious evil line~ * Also, side note:

IF ANY ONE OF THESE STUPID KINDERGARTEN IDIOTS WHO OUGHT TO BE COVERED IN BAND AIDS FROM HOW MUCH THEY CUT THEMSELVES ON THEIR OWN EDGE GOES ANYWHERE NEAR PENNY I WILL TEAR OFF THEIR SINGLE PERSONALITY TRAITS WITH MY BARE HANDS

* “His heart is in the right place” Get it? Because he’s the Tin Man. Get it? Get it? Ge * “Sometimes I’m not even sure he has a heart.” GeT it? Get i T? Gte ti? ge t  i ? t * “Ever since the day I met her, I had a feeling she would be the one” I am in fifty different states of confusion and anxiety right now * oh dear oh dear oh Pyrrha my dear what are you about to get into? * So as of right now I’m pretty okay with how they’re approaching the tournament arc. I was concerned it was going to grind to a halt and no plot development would happen but it seems that they’re at least taking 2-3 episode breaks to do that and even then, episodes that focus on the tournament do get at least some progression

[discotreque]

Picard 1.10: Et in Arcadia Ego, Part 2

I don't really do predictions or theories when I'm watching something. Partly because I prefer to go along for the ride while it's happening and wait to judge with the benefit of hindsight, but mainly because I'm very bad at it.

Anyway, let's discuss Episode 10 of Picard, in which a bunch of things happen that I would have sworn up and down were never going to happen, and a bunch of things I thought would for sure happen did not.

Spoilers for the season finale:

I think I feel about Picard S1 the same way I feel about Discovery so far: I like every single thing about it more than the writing. The casting is great, the actors are pretty much all superb, I'm horny as hell for the production design, the VFX are the best I've ever seen on television, I absolutely love Jeff Russo's music...

...and the scripts are, you know, fine. Mostly fine. Moments of excellence, no doubt, especially at the level of individual lines and scenes, but overall? New TV Trek has yet to pull off a complete season-story that really impressed me. (I have reasons for extremely high hopes re: Disco S3, but I will save them for another post.)

With all of that said: I didn't come here for the writing. I wanted to spend time with my old friend Jean-Luc Picard at the end of the 24th century, and I got it. The rest is gravy. Not, like, the awesome gravy my sister makes at Thanksgiving; decent B+ restaurant gravy. I'm still gonna dip my fries in it.

"To say you have no choice is a failure of imagination." The first great Picard line of the episode, but not the last.

Blah blah Romulan incest siblings blah blah blah. They couldn't have mentioned sooner that Narek was the family fuck-up or whatever? He would have been like 6% less boring.

Raffi and Rios constantly, lovingly dunking on each other is one of my favourite dynamics on this show.

Okay I was just joking last week about Saga's whole brain being in her eyeball but the fact that the damage to her eye fucked up her memories...

Why are they sitting outside the ship having a campfire? Isn't the ship basically fine? Why not hang out inside?

"The Thousand Days of Pain" is the name of my metal band.

Agnes using Saga's ripped-out eye to bypass the scanner had big Minority Report energy. Thank god she didn't have to chase it down a ramp while it rolled away from her.

"The way that children learn most things: by example."

RSVP Sutra, the only interestingly-written villain in this entire season. Tamlyn Tomita is super duper watchable as Commodore Oh/General Nedar (and looking fiiiine in that black uniform), but she has no personality or motivation beyond "grr, robots bad." Sutra lives in a society that's mostly twins, but her twin sister was fucking murdered. Obviously I don't agree with her actions, but I understood and cared about her motivations, which is more than I can say for any of the Romulans.

All those exterior shots of La Sirena wobbling through space with Picard at the helm were adorable.

We literally never see Narek again after the androids take him away. I hope they just threw him in a dumpster. Bye bitch.

Seven didn't do a ton of hand-to-hand combat on VOY, and she sure didn't fight like this. Jeri Ryan moves like she's heavy, like her bones are made of metal, like she's still full of dense Borg technology. She practically lumbers around, using her limbs like clubs; Peyton List bounces off her like she's hitting a solid steel wall. It's excellent choreography and so well executed by both women (and presumably their stunt doubles).

GET FUCKED, RIZZO. You were barely interesting enough to hate, but I did hate you.

"'The Picard Maneuver.' Wait, that's actually a thing, isn't it?" Ell oh ell.

Loved the way the Romulan ships' disruptors sizzled and crackled when they were powering up.

What was wrong with Planetary Sterilization Patterns 1 through 4?

That motherfucking fanfare when the Starfleet ships came in. Awwww yeah.

ACTING CAPTAIN WILL RIKER. Still kinda wish it had been Worf on the Entrepreneur, though, because I'm greedy: we already saw Riker!

I do have my problems with the writing, but I loved the way they resolved the three-way standoff between the Romulans, Starfleet, and the ch'khalagu: not with an epic space battle, but with diplomacy and self-sacrifice and trust in the essential goodness of each other. (Plus, I guess, the threat of an epic space battle.) It was so perfectly TNG in so many ways.

All the Riker stuff was so fan-servicey. Which I'm mostly fine with: I'm a fan, after all, and I like to be serviced from time to time. But it felt a little like one slice too many of chocolate cake.

I wish the tips of the tentacles had got cut off when the portal closed. That would have been cooler, right?

What can I say about watching Jean-Luc Picard die. He's been my captain for 30 years. I physically fucking felt it. And making an android copy of him, while awesome, did not really diminish the emotional impact.

On a lighter note, I need to know what Jeri and Santiago were actually drinking in that scene, because it straight-up looked like soap. Yuck.

I also really like the dynamic between Rios and Seven. They both act a little harder than they are, and I think they see through each other's acts, but there's enough mutual respect (and self-interest) there to let each other get away with it. And no romantic tension whatsoever. Delightful.

I want to hug all of them so much :(

The blank grey surface of everything in the simulation was very creepy.

Oh Data. Oh, Data. My heart was already aching and then...

Listen. Like a fucking idiot, I went and saw Nemesis on opening night. I don't even remember what I was expecting, but I do remember walking out of the theatre with my friend and agreeing never to speak of it again. Data died, but the movie was so shitty I could barely feel anything about it. This episode gave me the emotional closure I've been waiting for since December 13, 2002.

It's also, if you think about it, a pretty hilarious "fuck you" to Nemesis in general: "You guys did such a bad job of killing Data we had to bring him back to life just so we could kill him properly."

They've been slightly aging-up Patrick Stewart all season. I stopped noticing it after a while, so seeing him without it at the end was quite a shock.

"You... you haven't made me immortal?!" "Relax, man. Everyone was paying attention." Okay, Altan can stay.

Speaking of ol’ A.I., can't he just make another golem for himself? Was there something unique about the one they put Picard in?

I thought I recognized the voice of the woman singing "Blue Skies" on my first watch, but I couldn't place her. Turns out that was Isa Briones herself, which meant I cried even harder the second time through.

"And our little life is rounded with a sleep." Goodbye, Data.

Seven and Raffi???????

SEVEN AND RAFFI?????????????

And once again, Jeff Russo ends the season with a mash-up of the old theme and the new one. Give my man another Emmy! Give him two!

God damn. What a ride. Let me climb into my clown shoes for one last shitty prediction. I think next season is going to be what I wanted from this season: Picard and his motley crew of rogues bopping around the galaxy having roguish adventures. Fingers crossed!

And thanks for reading. Star Trek is always more fun with friends.

[naysaltysalmon]

Shoutout to @tiburme for tagging me~!

Rules: Name 10 favorite characters from 10 different things and then tag 10 people.

Oh, massive spoilers below btw.

1. Gon Freecss from Hunter x Hunter: My favorite shounen protagonist by far. At first you think he’s your typical happy-go-lucky bouncy boye :D who definitely doesn’t have abandonment issues or self-destructive tendencies that literally actually almost kill him later on, and then, uwu... The amount of complexity that Gon has as a protagonist who hardly ever has stand-alone development is nothing short of astounding. How during the Chimera Ant Art his characterization totally dips off to the side to become an unknowable entity even to the audience, while still retaining amazing character development regardless -- not to mention how brilliantly daring his decision to threaten Komugi is that nearly every other author with such a happy-go-lucky protagonist would shy away from in cowardice -- is absolutely surreal to me. The more I think and write about Gon, the more I fall in love with him. If I ever meet his father, and by that I mean his real father, the creator, Togashi, I have nothing else to say but,,, well done, sir.

2. Tanjirou Kamado from Demon Slayer: I’m really hoping the Demon Slayer movie comes out soon because I absolutely love this boy and how charming he is. Unlike most protagonists, not just of shounen anime but of seemingly macho story lines that involve power-ups and training in general, Tanjirou never lets go of his kind heart. (Welp, except maybe in some cases when he’s facing the Upper Moons later on -- I haven’t caught up yet -- but WE’RE GONNA IGNORE THAT for now.) From the beginning, Tanjirou’s kindness isn’t an obstacle holding back his power, though other characters pose it that way, but rather he cultivates his empathy to grant peace to the demons he faces. He smiles in the face of anyone who treats him poorly because of his cluelessness, and that’s just so heartwarming to see, and dare I say subversive to the hardened, calculating, and cocky male protagonists we so often get. Good job, Gotouge.

3. Joseph Joestar from JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Giorno Giovanna was a close second, but I gotta go with Joseph. He’s the one who made me fall in love with the series, and with the later parts too. Unlike Jonathan Joestar, who was chivalrous and manly, Joseph was a riot: colorful, arrogant, funny, but also extremely clever. I absolutely loved his, “Next you’ll say...!” because at first I expected it to just be him being an overconfident asshole and eventually he’d be proven wrong at the ~Dai Pinchi Moment~ (please excuse my weeb speech, I legit didn’t know what else to call it), but then he hit the mark every time and eventually I was just waiting for when he’d pull that out and it was so hype. Also I surely can’t forget his transformation as an old dude in Part 3 -- him screaming “OOHHHH MY GAAAWDDDA!” and “HOLY SHIIIT!” murdered me every time. And of course, last but not least, the raw fucking emotion when Caeser died -- the dude actually gave a shit and wasn’t made entirely of wit and absurdity, but heart too. Joseph set the tone for what JJBA was as a whole for me (fuck off with that “but Part 3/Part 4 is the best Part” bullshit, Part 2 will always be top tier for me because of Joseph Joestar’s brilliant, bright, and beautiful absurdity -- but Part 5 was really good too). Araki really is a genius.

4. Link from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess: My love for this series is a bit older than the series I’ve already mentioned, and TLoZ: TP was actually probably the first time I got seriously obsessed with a fandom. I love all the Links in their own ways, but Twilight Princess really drove home the “lone wolf chosen by the gods, fighting against the world” narrative for me. It made me feel important and strong at a time when no one cared about me. Seeing Link struggle silently through his quest with villagers who meant well but did nothing for him, and Midna who started out as a reluctant acquaintance and eventually became so much more, meant so much to me at the time I played the game. I will always love Twilight Princess the most because of what it did for me at one of the darkest times in my life, and because I felt completely and utterly immersed in every part of the story and gameplay through Link’s character, who was, and in many ways, still is, so relatable to me: Silent courage really is what I use to get through every day.

5. Greedling from Fullmetal Alchemist (Brotherhood): For once I’m not naming the protagonist of a series! Lissen, I still smile whenever I see the slightest reference to Edward Elric, but now he’s more of my childhood love. He’s just a part of my personality already? LOL. Anyway, FMA(B) has so many good characters that choosing just one doesn’t feel right (I mean, same with HxH tho). I say Greedling because that encompasses both Ling and Greed though, two of my favorite characters from the series! Ling’s apparent childishness in constantly running away from fights, making other people pay for his food, and failing to grasp the seriousness of the situation (until Lan Fan’s arm gets cut off lol oops) is so adorable and entertaining. He’s the best kind of idiot asshole, and I especially love how he teases Ed. After him and Greed fuse, Ling’s stout heart becomes even more apparent, as he constantly eggs Greed on to remember his past life, his friends, and become someone outside of Father/the Dwarf in the Flask. Conversely, Greed’s nonchalance and (of course) avarice are nothing short of entertaining and heartbreaking. Greed’s realization at the end, when he finally admitted to himself that what he wanted all along were “friends like these,” completely crushed me the first few times I watched FMAB. And when he’s screaming in the tunnels under Central after having killed Bido, remembering his friends, and he doesn’t understand why, and later attacks Wrath/King Bradley... that shit was so entertaining and cathartic to watch. None of his development feels like forced redemption, nor like it was too little development, since it mostly happens in the background and away from the “validating eyes” of the protagonists other than Ling. And at the end, when Ling and Greed work together to take down Bradley and all the soldiers invading Central HQ... it’s so beautiful. Many have said this before but I’ll say it again: Hiromu Arakawa wrote the perfect series.

6. Ciel Phantomhive from Black Butler: Another protagonist! And another older obsession of mine. Ciel remains in my mind to this day mainly for his heartlessness in relation to his age, and the fluidity with which Toboso tells his story. Normally when authors write younger characters into their serious stories, they make “child adults” of sorts, but Ciel feels totally realistic to the extent that he is both childish and adult to me. Obviously, Ciel is responsible and (normally) level-headed due to being the head of the Phantomhive household, but also from trauma. Yet, his cruelty at times is what sticks in my mind the most: You really feel that he’s someone who feels he’s been abandoned by the entire world, given his experiences, and that makes him disregard or use others sometimes in order to reach his own ends. Normally, authors would be too cowardly to let their protagonists, let alone child protagonists, go to such lengths to avenge their family, or carry out their duty as the dog of the military (looking at you, Arakawa -- she’s still a goddess tho). But Ciel is unforgiving. He lies to Snake and tells him his troupe is still alive. He murders the entire troupe because he’s triggered -- a childish decision, but driven with adult-like power due to trauma. It’s devastatingly riveting, and I cannot forget his unrelenting, contained rage to this day.

7. Ahsoka Tano from Star Wars: The Clone Wars: This one may come as a shock to most of you, because I hardly ever post Star Wars let alone Ahsoka content on here -- but it’s true. Other than the blatant, half-assedly inserted heteroromantic partner they gave Ahsoka in, like, idk season 3??, Ahsoka is a fucking goddess. From her origin as a wee baby in the earlier seasons who didn’t really know what she was doing and was a bit of a cocky brat, to how she matures and becomes wise, resourceful, and fierce in the later seasons, I just love Ahsoka’s design and character to this day. The episodes that stick in my mind aside from the obvious are when she’s possessed by the Dark Side of the Force on that Force balance planet and her arrogance becomes so exaggerated that she threatens and attacks Anakin, her teacher. It was so fucking cathartic. Normally female characters, let alone young protagonist female characters, are never allowed to show the ugly sides of themselves in fiction, since women are always portrayed as perfect beautiful majestic angels or some bullshit like that. (Or they’re cocky/sexy/slutty villain women. ‘Kay then.) Seeing Ahsoka devolve into her basal desires and come out of it like hardly anything happened and she’s still a perfectly valid character was so amazing to see on a meta level; it wasn’t about her learning a lesson or anything, it was a thing that happened like any other character and then they moved the fuck on. I also distinctly remember the episode where she was trapped on that island/planet and she had to take out the aliens that were after her all by herself. That was so fucking empowering to watch and god fucking dammit I need to rewatch this series now. And of course, let us not forget the fact that the entire time, we were all expecting Ahsoka to just be another domino in Anakin’s downfall -- and she was, but not through the refrigerator -- but through walking away from it all. That was so powerful and moving -- and heartbreaking. By the end of TCW, her character carried weight and agency in the narrative, and god, I only wish whoever wrote her could write more female characters in the future.

8. Tigress from Kung Fu Panda: Maybe another surprise, but I think she deserves this spot. Tigress is a female character who starts out as kind of an antagonist, given how she outright tells Po to leave the kung fu temple within the first day of him arriving. She’s even jealous of the fact that he’s chosen as the Dragon Warrior rather than her -- but that’s due to the backwash of years of trying to live up to the memory of Tai Lung in order to please Shifu (which means “master” in Chinese but ok I’ll shut up now), her master and mentor over the years. She never says this out loud in the movie, which is what makes her character more believable. Others even joke about how stoic she is (and not in bad taste). Her character development is definitely present for those who are looking -- but I put her on this list because I’m so happy the movie doesn’t make it some huge dramatic emotional thing, because so often in media women are depicted as being overly-emotional and here Tigress is just a hurt child trying to make her mentor happy. But, she gets over it, her and Po become allies, even friends to each other -- she and Po talk like equals in the second and third movies, and she even tells him to back out of the fight with Lord Shen and he listens (I mean he doesn’t stay put but he doesn’t undermine her opinion either lol, like most jokesy protagonists of Western media would -- looking at you, Marvel). I like Tigress because she’s an antagonist without being a bitch, she’s powerful without being overpowered, and she’s not sexualized despite being a well-trained, at times jealous, and even emotionally awkward kung fu master. And I almost forgot to mention the best part: There is never an indication of romance between her and Po, or any other character, for that matter. She’s perfectly capable, complex, and lovely on her own terms. And that’s that on THAT.

9. Bilbo Baggins from The Hobbit: I wanted to include at least one character protagonist from a live-action movie/book, lol. I feel like Bilbo’s pretty self-explanatory. He doesn’t wanna go on an adventure because he likes his doilies and warm sheets, but then Gandalf seduces him with the call to the outside world and possible death (LOL), and he fucking goes for it, grumbling the entire time. Isn’t that what any of us would do if given such a proposition? I like to think so. Bilbo obviously has his own gradual, evil transformation with the One Ring, becomes murderous and uses it to disappear, and grows a strong bromance with the King Under the Mountain (which happens in both the movie and the book), but I think what I like about him is that he really feels... down-to-earth? Like even though the adventure changes him, it never feels like he’s been stretched in a way that makes his core character traits of grumbling and bluntness disappear. He gets better at the whole adventuring thing, for sure, but he remains Bilbo, at least, to me, throughout the journey. It was heartwrenching watching him try to save Thorin in The Battle of Five Armies, honestly, but Bilbo’s the kind of character that I feel like has his own story and mythology aside from The Hobbit, and maybe that’s just the result of J.R.R. Tolkien writing the lore for every aspect of his universe, but My Point Still Stands. He feels like his own man apart from the series he’s in, yet he’s still so much fun in his series.

10. Barley Lightfoot from Onward: And last, this one is because I saw Onward yesterday and was pleasantly surprised by the characterization in it -- and anyone who thinks differently can kiss my *ss. :) I was not expecting the movie to take the twist of fleshing out the “annoying” (more like adorable) overconfident nerdy big brother. Normally those characters are swiped to the side because God Forbid The Comic Relief Have Any Sadness In Them. I was expecting the movie to focus on Ian’s journey to meet his fatha and that the movie would pull something stupid at the end like “oh actually there’s another phoenix gem underneath the school” or “actually since only his legs appeared then you still have 24 hours with him” or some shit like that, but I guess this isn’t an anime so those absurdist explanations wouldn’t hold water anyway. But still, for a kid’s movie, I was NOT expecting this movie to go so hard with the characterization. For once, the main character doesn’t get what he wants at the end, and instead realizes it’s his big brother, Barley, who’s been looking out for him his entire life. Meeting his dad would betray that reality. What happens instead is that the lovable big brother never actually said goodbye to their dad before he died, because when their dad got sick, said brother ran away from the hospital room in fear of all the life-sustaining equipment. (Is this some meta thing about Chris Pratt and Guardians of the Galaxy? Off topic and call me stupid, but I didn’t realize Chris Pratt plays him until I saw everyone freaking out about it afterward on Tumblr laksjdflak.) So instead, the lovable big brother talks to the dad at the end, and unconfident younger brother grows confidence and thanks big bro for being with him his entire life. It was so touching, dude. I cry. But the moment that sticks in my mind the most was when Ian was crossing the invisible bridge... Ian needed to have confidence in himself to be able to cross over a chasm in their path, and Barley knew that if Ian didn’t believe in himself, he would fall and die. They tie a rope around Ian for good measure, and Barley encourages him the entire way, but halfway over, the rope comes loose and slips off. Barley sees this and starts panicking, but of course continues to encourage Ian so that Ian will get to the other side. What got to me wasn’t the fact that he faked it for Ian, but that there are actual tears running down his face as he’s encouraging Ian to get to the other side, because he knows otherwise Ian wouldn’t have the confidence and would fall to his death. Like dude, that raw, complex emotion in a kid’s movie?! DUDE?! I was fucking surprised. The clear anxiety and grief in Barley’s face as Ian’s totally clueless and even dancing around in the air was just too much, omfg. Of course, then it’s played off for laughs, but... I guess that makes sense for the annoying overconfident nerdy big bro character. :’)

Okay these are way longer than I anticipated and I’m sorry, but also I’m really not. Hope you enjoyed reading my thoughts on my favs!

Seems I don’t talk to that many people on here anymore: @stupidbluejay @mirycactusito @chronicstarlight

[medea10]

My Review of The Rising of the Shield Hero

VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

Yeah, this warning because apparently I curse more than normal here. That should give you a fun indicator of what you’re in for.

Is this a joke? Is Medea really going to watch a recent Isekai anime?

No joke. I am. Yeah, since just about every Isekai I’ve ever watched was made before the year 2012, I thought it was time. And in case you’re not hip to the lingo, Isekai is where a random person is transported to a strange world (different from their’s) and go on an adventure. Things like Escaflowne, InuYasha, Fushigi Yugi, Kyou Kara Maou, and to a far-lesser extent, Sword Art Online! But because I haven’t watched anything made past 2012, and haven’t watched things like Konosuba, ReZero, or Overlord, my knowledge is shit and I should be ashamed.

So I’m going to start with one of 2019’s best animes, The Rising of the Shield Hero.

Naofumi Iwatani was checking out light novels when he was transported into another world. But unlike many other Isekais with this similar setup, Naofumi isn’t alone.

He and three other boys (from alternate timelines of Japan) are transported as well to the kingdom of Melromarc. These four boys are going to be the saviors of the kingdom as the “Four Cardinal Heroes” where they must combat against these entities known as “waves”. However, Naofumi is seen as the weakling from the very beginning due to being the holder of the shield (and is now known as the “Shield Hero”). But it goes even further than that! The king of Melromarc immediately shows his disdain for the shield hero due to the previous shield hero doing something to him. I don’t know what, just fuck the king. The kingdom, the other heroes, and the people of the kingdom did just about everything to Naofumi to make him feel like trash. If he was on fire, they wouldn’t even spit on him to put him out!

Being the lowest-level weapon user, no one will join his team and even if they did…they would swindle him, set him up for failure, and spread the worst lie you could ever lie about. But Naofumi can’t return home due to all four weapon users must be there until they defeat the waves. So Naofumi is stuck in a new world where literally everyone hates him or fears him.

That is until he buys a slave (named Raphtalia) and their EXP points can grow. Along the way, he obtains an egg that hatches into a filolial (later named Filo) who has the ability of turning into a human female. And every now and then, the second princess of Melromarc (named Melty) will come along with Naofumi. Trust me, she’s the nice one in that family.

Let’s watch the struggles and rising of the Shield Hero!

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: So this is licensed by Crunchyroll (but I think FUNimation dipped it’s cookie in this milk). I know these two companies divorced some time ago, but FUNimation sees no problem piggy-backing off of Crunchyroll when they get a hit. And yes, this got an English dub and because of that, YES I watched the whole thing dubbed! Done by the good folks in L.A.! I gotta say this was a well-done dub. Well, they did one thing right by hiring Erica Mendez to play Raphtalia. Just about everything Mendez plays is friggin’ gold! Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

JAPANESE CAST: *Naofumi is played by Kaito Ishikawa (known for Kiawe on Pokemon SM, Genos on One Punch Man, Mitsuo on Golden Time, Urui on Tokyo Ghoul :re, Sakakibara on Assassination Classroom, and Rinne on Kyokai no Rinne)

*Raphtalia is played by Asami Seto (known for Officer Jenny on Pokemon SM, Mado on Tokyo Ghoul, Young Yukiatsu on Anohana, and Shizu Delta on Overlord)

*Filo is played by Rina Hidaka (known for Last Order on Index/Railgun, Ririchiyo on Inu x Boku SS, Kohane on xxxHOLiC, Silica on SAO, Nemesis on To Love Ru: Darkness, and Urara on Food Wars)

*Melty is played by Maaya Uchida (known for Norman on The Promised Neverland, Rikka on Chunibyo, Rui on Domestic Girlfriend, Frenda on Railgun, Yoshino on Food Wars, Irina on High School DxD, and Yusa on Charlotte)

ENGLISH CAST: *Naofumi is played by Billy Kametz (known for Jousuke/JoJo on Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure: Part IV, Osomatsu on Mr. Osomatsu, Metal Lee on Boruto, and Galo on Promare)

*Raphtalia is played by Erica Mendez (known for Ryuko on Kill la Kill, Haruka/Uranus on Sailor Moon redub, Emma on The Promised Neverland, Nico on Love Live, Yuuki on SAO II, and Tsubaki on Your Lie in April)

*Filo is played by Brianna Knickerbocker (known for Rem on Re:Zero, Akane on Durarara x2, Arisa on Love Live, Anna on The Promised Neverland, Iori on Charlotte, and Erica on Berserk 2016)

*Melty is played by Jackie Lastra (known for Conny on The Promised Neverland and Selka on SAO: Alicization)

FAVORITE CHARACTER: I know I’m gonna have fun with the next category, but I think I spent most of this series hating on several people where I forgot to pick a character I liked.

Well folks, I gotta say that I loved Raphtalia. And after her, Filo! Then Elhart, Queen Melromarc, Melty, and Fitoria! With the exception of Elhart, it’s all women! That’s rare! Don’t worry, there’s one woman that has received a restraining order from this category. On with the worst!

VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!

Y’all know what’s coming!

DISLIKED CHARACTER: Prior to watching this series, I have gotten several warnings about one particular character! Princess Malty or Myne, whatever people call her. This woman is despised throughout the anime community and even going so far as to say she’s on “horrible character” status left only to infamous characters like Griffith, Makoto Itou, and Shou Tucker. And I’m like, “WOW, what did she do, kill a pope?” I mean seriously, how bad could she possibly…?!

*one episode later*

FUCK THIS BITCH: Oh this bitch can burn at the stake for all I care! Yes, everyone else who treated Naofumi like shit can go jump off a bridge. Because I hold no sympathy for towns-idiots that treat a hero with no respect (as I’ve said before with One Punch Man and Dragon Ball Z)! But Myne just took that zero respect and pushed it to a crispy 425 degrees of fuck-roast! In the first episode, she seemed genuine with pitying Naofumi because no one would join his team. That didn’t even last a whole day. Myne ends up faking a rape by lying to the kingdom that Naofumi sexually assaulted her.

Faking a RAPE!

Faking a FUCKING RAPE!

Bitch, this is 2019 (I KNOW IT AIN’T THAT IN THIS KINGDOM, I’M JUST FUCKING PISSED). Faking a rape is a big, fat, NO-NO!

After he spends the little money he had on her to buy equipment, she double-crosses him by setting him up for immediate trouble and switches to the Spear-Hero side. Well fuck you too, you skank! Have fun with your dickhead Spear Hero. And may that be the last time I ever see you!

*several episodes later*

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! You cheating, lying, slut! Just when you think she can’t possibly get any worse, this bitch takes worse and shoves it off a fucking cliff. As if faking an assault wasn’t bad enough, screwing townspeople for your own gain is another story. She would take over a whole town and give no fucks if it’s destroyed by her or her fuck-face spear-hero. Add to that fuck-cake, every time you run into Naofumi, you find some way to screw him over time and time again. This bitch tampered with a fight between the shield and spear hero so that Naofumi could fail and they could steal his only team member away from him! You have your father, the church, your dickhead boy-toy of yours, and the royals wrapped around your little finger. Myne just continues to be worse than tainted peanut butter. I wish she would catch the worst STD imaginable and die a painful death!

*several more episodes later*

AAAAAAAH gabba da da ffuuuu worble BITCH FACE gararba fruznuss SET FIRE plskay adkkin aidnnlwjsnda UP DONALD TRUMP’S ASS galidamdh amoiejwm wwwaasosoh A POPCICLE! FUCK! AAkajrriaja DIDIA LEJHE KLHAEHAE FYUEEajejioqih3hv SSLLSHE3V ADKDKDDHEI333!!!!

Oh, you do not want a translation from my…whatever the fuck I just wrote. Just know that Princess Malty or Myne is worse than hemroids up the ass. I can’t believe this woman is still around, breathing and shit. Also, I’m tempted in re-writing my Top 10 Least Favorite Anime Character list because Myne would definitely be at #4 after Griffith from Berserk.

Okay…Okay…I think I’m calm now.

WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE CUT THIS FUCKING CUNT’S HEAD OFF LIKE A CHICKEN IN CHINA TOWN?!

Now I’m calm! Now then…

ANYONE ELSE WHO NEEDS TO DIE IN THIS SERIES?: So obviously I hate Bitch and Trash (Myne and the King). And I have the same kind of respect for the townspeople who treat Naofumi like shit. I ain’t got time to be dealing with townsidiots again. But if there was anyone else that should get a mention of how much I want for them to be set on fire and I’ll just sit there drinking my ginger ale, it would be Motoyasu.

Now by no means do I hate him more than Miss Bitch over here. But I hate him on the same level as Shinji from the Fate series (which is now teetering on my top 10). I question why he’s still alive and why no one has introduced his face to a jagged boulder. Unlike the other heroes Ren and Itsuki, this guy has got a vendetta against Naofumi from the get-go. And this was like before the sexual alligations came about. After that incident, this fuckturd tries at every turn to make Naofumi’s life worse than it already is by stealing away his crew and challenging him every chance he gets. And when he’s not doing that, he’s screwing over the townspeople and doing very little to be a “hero” (which is his freakin’ title). Then again, Ren and Itsuki aren’t great heroes either, it’s just I really need to lay into Spear-Dick for the shit he’s done.

SHIPPING: Hmm…aaaaahhhh….eeeeee…urrrrggggh…

Naofumi x Raphtalia: I know Naofumi doesn’t see Raphtalia as a romantic partner and more as a partner on his team, but Raphtalia doesn’t see it that way. She is 100% loyal to Master Naofumi. Who could blame her? Naofumi saved her from a lifetime of enslavement and cured her from an illness she’s had for years. She’s grateful and every other hero is crap in her eyes! She’s worshipped the shield hero since she was younger when she would hear stories about the shield hero. So imagine her worry every time Naofumi talks about going back to his home world, she gets horribly upset. Me being very skeptical here, I can’t really imagine this going any further than team partners. I can’t see at the end of the day Naofumi staying in Melromarc forever or Raphtalia somehow returning to Naofumi’s world when all of this ends. So for now, I’m just going to see where this takes us.

FUNNIEST MOMENT: Whenever Motoyasu gets conked in his frank-and-two-beans by Filo! If anyone deserves to be whammed in the nuts, it’s Motoyasu.

SADDEST MOMENT: I don’t usually mention sad moments in anime anymore, but one moment touched me and that was episode 15 where we learned a little more about Raphtalia’s past. Raphtalia, even after losing her parents in a wave attack, she tries her best to keep a smile on her face. But shortly after that, she and many other demi-humans were taken away from their homes and sold off to a nobleman. This is when we see some pretty inhumane moments where Raphtalia and many of her friends are whipped for the fun of it, starved to death, and sold off to traders.

In this episode, we learn about a few of Raphtalia’s friends (Keel and Rifana) from her younger days. The day Raphtalia got sold off, it looked like Rifana was teetering towards death. When the Shield Hero’s party came to rescue the surviving demi-humans (like Keel), Raphtalia went to see if Rifana could possibly be alive. And if the disturbing picture of Rifana’s skeleton doesn’t churn your stomach, I really don’t know what will. God damn, that was just messed up!

I CANNOT TELL A LIE, THIS ANIME HURT: I know I have sadistic tendencies and take joy in the misery of others. But I seriously cannot enjoy any second of the humiliation and degredation given to Naofumi. And it was because of the abuse put on the Shield Hero that made me feel sick to my stomach just watching all this happen to this guy. I thought it would last for a few episodes at the most, but it carried on a lot further than I imagined. Almost to the very end! And every episode you put on, you just wish for some kind of karma to kick in or for one more person to be nice to Naofumi or something, anything to happen!

But because the king has a vendetta against the previous Shield Hero, Naofumi has had to pay a heavy toll by having every horrible crime or offense thrown at him including rape, murder, attempted murder, cheating, witchcraft, and treason. AND HE COMMITTED NONE OF THESE OFFENSES! So you spend just about 20 episodes watching this poor boy having to go through this hell. I can’t even imagine having to go through this kind of torment and some of these moments make me ill in my stomach and quite pissed off. So like I said, this anime hurts to watch.

ENDING: As it turns out, the kingdom is corrupt under the rule of the king and his daughter, Princess Cunt (yeah, BIG shocker there). How corrupt? Well, they were in cahoots with the church that had their own religion praising only 3 of the Heroes (guess which one they don’t praise)! That was until the pope decided that everything must be wiped away because they are “unclean”. That includes the monarchy, the heroes, and their crew! Thankfully, they were able to put an end to this cult, with a little help from the true leader of Melromarc, Queen Mirelia of Melromarc. She finally shows herself and her powers on the battlefield. And now ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for the moment everyone and their mama have been waiting for.

JUSTICE IS SERVED: With the queen’s return, come some harsh sentences to her own family. Her husband, the king and her daughter, Princess Malty! I gotta tell you, seeing these two in chains makes my heart so happy. The king was guilty of summoning the four heroes prematurely and causing a lot of harm to the kingdom of Melromarc with the church. Then the queen puts a seal on Myne’s chest, giving her unimaginable pain whenever she lied. That still didn’t stop the bitch from lying! In one swoop, it’s proven that Naofumi was innocent the whole time and that the king and princess were worse than period cramps. And for their crimes, THEY ARE SENTENCED TO DEATH BY GUILLOTINE!

FUCK YEAH! BRING IT ON!

CUT THEIR FUCKING HEADS OFF!

Yeah…unfortunately for my blood-lust self, that didn’t happen. Instead, Naofumi stopped the queen seconds before blood was to splatter. Claiming that the princess and king should be stripped from their titles and must go through life with new names! The king will be named “Trash” and Malty/Myne will be named “Bitch” (or “Whore” when she’s traveling). Okay, I guess it’s all good. With that, the church of the three heroes is abolished and handled a lot better than I thought.

But seriously Queenie, was it really, REALLY a good idea to keep your daughter alive? I know she’s your own daughter and you felt severe hesitation (in the anime) before calling for her execution. But for fuck’s sake, literally a day after she’s spared from the guillotine, she’s poisoning food meant for her sister Melty, Naofumi, and his friends!

IN THIS AFTERMATH: Now has Naofumi finally obtained acceptance throughout the kingdom? Yes and no! Yes, it’s true that the people of the land respected Naofumi after all he’s done. It’s just that some of the other heroes and castle men who still treat Naofumi with such disrespect. The queen wishes for all four heroes to be treated equally and to get along so that maybe they can defeat the waves without too much trouble. Hell, the queen of the filolials also said the same thing! I think Ren and Itsuki have kinda been on board with this for a while (even if they are kinda dickish about it). It’s just that Motoyasu’s still a condescending dick to Naofumi! Sigh!

FINAL WAVE ATTACK: Final one for now! On their way to another land, Naofumi ends up getting chummy with two travelers (L’Arc and Therese).

We meet these fuckers three episodes before the finale.

They’re bad guys, aren’t they?!

Something like that! Yeah, the next wave attack was coming up real quick. And the heroes have to go up against Glass again (the woman who caused a lot of trouble in the midway point of the series). But it turns out L’Arc and Therese are in cahoots with Glass. But it gets really…complicated here!

Glass and L’Arc are both fan and scythe heroes from another world. And they’re destroying the waves on this side along with destroying the people of this world to prevent catastrophy in their world. Yeah, finale time guys! How many parallel worlds and heroes are there?

READ THE LIGHT NOVEL!

Fuck me! Well, Naofumi and the other hammy heroes were able to stop the wave attack once more. And we even get to watch Queen Melromarc in action again! In this aftermath, Naofumi gets a new member on his team. Yes, it’s another female, but at least this one is older than all the other girls that hang with him (making this a little less ewwwie). Rishia was abandoned by Itsuki’s team for…reasons. So she’s going to join Naofumi after she helped in the last wave attack. And we get some last-moment hopeful scenes as we see things that give me hope for people in this series. Raphtalia’s old friends and homeland is getting back into the swing of things and Naofumi will take control over the land. And we wait for this promoted second and third season Crunchyroll swears by. Seriously guys, when are we getting more Shield Hero?

DON’T KNOW! READ THE LIGHT NOVEL AND STOP ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS!

If you can’t already tell, I liked this series! Yes it was unbelievably painful to watch certain things where all of these people gang up on Naofumi and screw him eight ways from Sunday, but I guess good stories have a little struggle. Except here, it’s a lot of struggling! It was an interesting tale and is giving me a little hope for the Isekai genre as a whole. Will I get into all the other recent ones so I can one day watch Isekai Quartet? Don’t get too cocky! I’ll stick to this and maybe head on over to Konosuba later on.

Rising of the Shield Hero was definitely a tale and I highly recommend it. It’s just that if you’re prone to anger when it comes to absolute injustice, half of this series might be a little unbearable to handle. But there were several great moments (particularly from Raphtalia) that kept me going with this series.

Especially episode 4! Best episode of the series! Her undying devotion for Naofumi was definitely one to behold! I can’t wait to learn more about these different kinds of worlds, kingdoms, and heroes in the upcoming stories. In the meantime I will await for these seasons two and three Crunchyroll assures us are coming…They are coming right? You guys weren’t just blowing smoke up our asses in the last CRX convention, right?

READ THE FUCKING LIGHT NOVEL, YOU AUTISTIC TWAT!

I can’t do it! There are too many chapters!

Currently, both FUNimation and Crunchyroll have the entire series subbed and dubbed.

Okay, great stuff! What’s next on my Amazon/Netflix…or Crunchyroll licensed anime!

Magical Girl Site?

Oh fuck. I heard about that first episode. This is gonna hurt.

[lol-jackles]

I have a question for you. In the post you made showing when Dmitri and Creation parted ways regarding Stands, you mentioned that it was an "open secret" that he puts himself in financial pickles. Do you have other examples? Thanks and, as always, feel free to reply publicly to this Ask.

*deleted countless long-winded diatribes on what not to do when starting and managing a new business*  I’ll try to keep this short.

1. Went into business with his friend, Phillip.  Starting a business with a friend is only slightly less worse than going into business with your brother-in-Iaw (x).  I’ve seen life-long friendships ruined from business relationships gone bad.  It doesn’t matter how good of friends you are, greed changes people and your friendship will never be the same even if the venture is successful.   

Rules of business: never hire someone that you cannot fire 

2. Went into partnership with Creation Entertainment, hence Creation Stands.  Because Creation Entertainmment is an established business and the Ceation Stand was put together by Gary and Adam, and Misha’s friend, Phillip, was running Creation Stands, so that tells me that Gary and Adam were limited partners while Misha and Phillip were general partners (me: fucking idiots).  Gary/Adam/CW contributed most of the capital and then profits are split 75% to limited partners and 25% to Misha and Phillip because they provided expertise along with day-to-day management.  I have to be honest, I would have done the exact same thing as Gary and Adam because that means any losses will be assigned to Misha and Phillip.  People like Misha/Phillip take this risk because if things go well, their profit returns can be huge.  That’s how Warren Buffet did it.

Reminder, if expenses run higher than sales, the losses get assigned to Misha and Phillip, not to Gary and Adam. Creation Stands dissolved two years later.  You do the profit and loss math and while you’re at it, throw in hollywood accounting too.

If I was Misha’s manager I would have told him not to try to double dip in the same place you work, but if he was hell bent on going through with it because of greed or desperation for financial security, then I would try to convince him not to agree to limited-general partnership and instead do the standard proportional equity investment.  If you’re young or inexperienced, it’s better to own a small chunk of a large business than a large chunk of a small business.

3. Used Stands to raise Misha’s profile and focused on getting new clients (which is expensive) and failed to nurture and build relationships with existing clients, the BiBro fans that makes up the majority of the SPN fandom.  This end up costing Misha money in overstocked, unsold Cas merchs.  Now, the jury is out if this was Misha or CW’s idea.  Why would CW do this if it was their idea?  Let’s look at the bad idea timeline:

November 2015: Creation Entertainment announce that they’ve established Creation Stands.  Why now?   I’ll give you 3 seconds to tell me what happened in 2015 that got them salivating over selling shirts.  3……..2……1………

March 2015: Jared’s AKF campaign is a runaway success.  When Jared refused to allow CW to monetize AKF, CW then began working on a copy, YANA.  

October 2015: Creation used Misha/Jensen picture with the AKF tagline to advertise Chicago Con, making them look like headliners.  3 days later, Creation was forced to take down the picture due to fandom outrage and replace with with Jared/Jensen.  

November 2015: Creation announced it has established Creation Stands to sell SPN merchs even though the offered products skewed more towards Castiel merchs. 

February 2016: YANA was launched with endgoal to go multi-fandom.  The shirts were conveniently sold only through Creation Stands.  Uh-huh, just a coincidence that Creation Stands was created 3 months earlier.

 YANA didn’t reach profit margin expectation but CT and CW can keep most of the net profit because they were limited partners and any loss due to higher overhead expense *cough*hollywood accounting*cough*  was passed to Misha and Phillip. 

May 2017: Before Creation Entertainment partnership with Stands dissolved , Misha registered a new LLC, Flash Merchs, still publicly calling it “Stands” in order to migrate loyal customers over to the new LLC.  People don’t create new LLCs because the business partnership was great, often it’s a way to get rid of money-draining partners.  

Personally I think CW knew a Jared-less Misha/YANA venture would probably not be profitable, but if it worked then they can build upon it and turn it into a long term profit maker, but if it failed then CT/CW wouldn’t be the one absorbing the financial loss, that would be on Misha instead.  

4. Web series that lasted all of one episode.

July 2015, Misha debut his TSA pilot web series at the DC convention.  Once again look at the timing: four months after AFK and four months before Creation Stands.

So what happened to the web series?  Web series are not expensive, on average they cost $10,000 for one season for 10 episodes.  You’re telling me that Misha didn’t have $10K to finish the rest of the season?  Misha produced the first and only TSA episode in 2013 when he was re-hired back to SPN as a regular.  After taxes, household and living expenses, and manager fees, agent fees, and lawyer fees, Misha should ideally have at least $75K leftover to play with, not including his convention salaries, enough to finish the first season of TSA: Orange Alert.  He also allegedly had investors so he may not even have to use his own resources. Unless the web series cost way more than 10K because of bad budgeting and management.

Web series creators don’t expect to make money from subscribers or YouTube Ad revenues, they’re lucky if they break even but they keep making contents in hope that a larger, traditional distributor will pick their work and develop it into a full TV show or feature.  For example, Issa Raie’s Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl ran on YouTube from 2011 until 2015 when HBO brought Rae aboard for a spin-off show.  When companies and networks pick up a web series, they are buying the creator’s fanbase.  

Starting a business isn’t about chasing the latest shiny thing; it’s about picking a dream and staying with it even when times get tough.  TSA was supposed to be a series, one episode is not a series.  YANA sputtering out in the SPN fandom is not “making it multi fandom network”.  Claiming to create a crisis network “from the ground up” but need Jared to execute it with TWLOHA’s help and another round of AKF campaign is not building something up from scratch.  Is Misha dropping projects because it’s too hard or it didn’t yield immediate desired results?  Some people are more enamored with the fantasy of entrepreneurship than with actually running a small business.  Starting a business is fun but running it and doing the basic business “blocking and tackling” every single day is what makes it successful, not the “great idea”. Much in the way that planning a wedding is fun, but it’s not a good precursor to a successful marriage, working on it every day is what makes it work. 

[walking-true-to-style]

Down Days || R.T.

Pairing: Ben Hardy!Roger Taylor x Reader

Words: About 1.69K

Warnings: Depression, some angst? Fluff

Synopsis: You’ve been going through a depressive episode that hinders you from leaving your home. This worries your boyfriend, Roger, and, after not picking up all day, he decides to pay you a visit.

The sun had moved a little more than halfway through the sky. Shadows have shifted all around in your room, and the sun gleams through your window, casting a slightly orange gaze in the otherwise darkened space. However, you still haven’t moved from your bed, despite being up for hours. What was the point? You already wasted half the day, you think, why not just keep it going?

A few moments later, your telephone begins to ring. You stare blankly at it, willing yourself to answer. In spite of your mental screaming, you didn’t move a muscle. The ringing stops and you sigh. Defeated once again.... This is, what, the third call today you missed? It couldn’t have been important...Looking over at the clock, the hands point to 4:30.

“Right, may as well try to make SOMETHING.” you tell yourself for the third time today. Still, your body remains static in your blanket cocoon. Your stomach growls loudly in protest and still you remain, absolutely numb.

You stay this way for another 20 minutes, just staring off, before you hear the front door’s lock click and the door open. You bolt upright thinking there was an intruder.

“(Y/n)? Love, are you here? Hello?” hollers a worried Roger Taylor. You sigh in relief to hear the familiar voice. Right, you gave your boyfriend a spare key to your apartment.

Roger nears your room and knocks three times on the door.

“(y/n)???” He opens it slowly to reveal your blank and tired face staring back.

“Hi, Rog...” you greet.

“God, love, is there where you’ve been hiding?” he comes and sits beside you on your bed, the mattress dipping slightly at the new weight.

“How do you mean?” you inquire, tone completely even. The bags under his now dull blue eyes seem darker than usual... you hope he is getting sleep.

“How do I mean?” his eyes widen, tears already threaten to fall as he continues on. “No one has seen you for days! You don’t pick up your phone! The last time we went out you were completely silent, and when I asked you, said nothing was wrong!” At this point, he is shaking with emotion, ready to burst again at any point.

“Nothing’s wrong, Roger.... I’m just ....tired. Just tired is all.” you lie through your teeth. Of course something’s wrong. You haven’t left your bed at all. You’ve barely eaten, save for when your flatmate forces you to...

“That’s a lie and you know it.” Roger’s tone has a bite in it that is unfamiliar to you not to mention terrifying coming from the man who would never do anything to hurt you, not intentionally, at least. You bite your lip and avert your gaze, not daring to look at his now flushed, red face. His tone becomes more desperate as he presses you to speak.

“Is it me? I just- I’m so worried for you and you won’t even talk to me! Not to Freddie, not to anyone! For the love of god, please just.... tell me what’s going on.” As he ushers this last sentence, he grasps your shoulder. At the first bit of contact, tears flood your eyes and heavily stream down your cheeks. A dam that had been holding back so much is finally broken as you break into a full on sob. Shocked, Roger’s first instinct is to immediately hold you as tight as he can and just rock you back and forth.

“I’m so sorry. I- I didn’t mean to lash out. That was dumb. Bloody idiot, Roger. Please don’t be mad. Uh- there, there...” he rambles. You grasp at his shirt, virtually clawing holes into it and bury your face into his shoulder.

He tightens his grip protectively with one hand and the other strokes your hair lightly. He is ready to stay like this as long as you needed. The hand that strokes your hair is then moved to your back to rub it slightly as he hums softly into your ear while you sniff and hic and cry on him.

After a good amount of time, you give a long sniff. “It.... it isn’t you.” you manage to choke out. You pull back, and finally look at him through red and puffy eyes. There is a small stain where you had cried into his shirt and your face is flushed completely. He returns your gaze with a sympathetic and compassionate one as he cups your cheek. You lean desperately into his hand, savoring every bit of contact it brings. He gingerly rubs his thumb over your tears in an attempt to wipe them away.

“What’s going on then, my love?” Roger asks in a hushed tone. You shake your head, still sniveling a little. You aren’t quite ready to talk about what you’ve been avoiding lately.

“Okay, don’t worry. You don’t have to tell me right away, but I do want to know what’s eating at you. Speaking of... when was your last meal?” You shrug your shoulders, looking sheepishly back at him. He gives out a huff and a pout that makes your heart throb whenever he does it.

“Okay,” he starts. “How about we get you out of bed, and I’ll make you some tea and whatever you fancy. Then, we can go for a short stroll outside. Sound good?” he gives you a goofy smile. You give a lopsided smile back and nod.

“There we are then, up we go.” Roger offers you a hand and you take it gingerly. He draws you close and places a kiss on your cheek before leading you into your kitchen, hands still intertwined. He fixes your favorite tea and “just plain ol’ toast” as per your request.

You both sit in silence for a bit, the only sound being chewing of toast or sipping of tea while he reads a book he pulled off your shelf.

“It’s uhm... it’s uni mostly.” You suddenly say. He looks up at you and doggy-ears the page, ready to listen with his complete attention.

“What about it?” he insists.

You begin to go on about the stress, the workload, the uncertainty of your major, and every other little thing that’s been worsening your depression lately. He listens fully, not daring to bring his focus to anything other than you. As you finish what you are saying, Roger notices you shaking slightly and places a hand over yours.

“I... I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” You look down guiltily before continuing. “I just didn’t want you or the boys to worry. I didn’t want to be a burden.”

“It’s okay, (y/n). But know you are not a burden. We worry about you because we LOVE you. I love you, and I definitely do not want you to face this on your own, okay?” He takes a finger under your chin to look up at him gently, he looks expectant.

“Okay....”

He flashes a heart-meltingly sweet, loving smile at you. “Good.”

“ Hey, Rog?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks for checking up on me. I really appreciate it.” you give him a sincere smile. He gets up, takes your hand, and gives it a quick squeeze. Before enveloping you in a kiss. The position is a little awkward, but you savor the feeling of his warm, soft lips on yours. His breath tastes like the tea he had mixed himself with yours. You sift your hands through his blond locks, tugging slightly, which induces a light groan from deep in his throat. It causes you to smile, missing the sensation of the hum on your lips. One you part, he places his hand onto your cheek and strokes it.

“It’s my privilege, love. Now, you finish eating, and I’ll get you an outfit for today. We’re just going to head to the park for a bit, okay? I think the fresh air will do you some good.”

“Sounds great to me.” You smile up at him. He leans down and places a chaste kiss onto your lips once again.

“Right then, I’ll lay it out on your bed. We can shower together when we get back.” He gives a suggestive wink, causing you to giggle.

“There’s the (y/n) I know and love! I’ll be back in a moment, okay?” and with that he disappears into your room. You look back at your cup of tea and sip the last of it.

You truly have the best boyfriend ever.

A/N: Originally this was supposed to be written as Deacy, but I felt more Roger vibes coming through on my revision. Now if only I could write more than angst for Roger lmao

Also. I’ve dealt with depression for years now. I know that it can be a hindering thing. If you feel that it is definitely taking over your life, I encourage you to seek therapy. If you just need someone to talk to, I’m a certified listener on 7 cups if you need anything.

[whenimgoodandready]

4 years ago, I heard about “Star vs. The Forces of Evil”. I didn’t think much of it, but I gave it a shot (it was like a childhood callback to my “Sailor Moon” phase when I was younger) to see how it was. I made a little review about it to let everyone know what I thought and after a couple of more episodes, I was drawn to it! A twist on the Magical Girl genre of the heroine open with her being magical and fighting villains while still going about an everyday life. Neat characters, funny dialogue, cool storylines, original music scores, plot twists and the shipping dramas! I was so obsessed I made fanart/animation, bought whatever merchandise there was of it! (Star and Marco’s Guide to Mastering Every Dimension (original and Stump Day Edition) and The Magic Book of Spells) and been having dreams of the show as well! My reviews have changed since the first season. It started out as just words, but then came frames and then later pictures and now, finally gifs! Writing is my passion. I just love writing down how I feel about things and having others see it and what I have to say about it as if I’m a voice to the people. Speaking of which, I gotta get to this finale review before I’m over my writing limit is up. Lol!

We open with what we saw in the promo for finale. Star transforms in her golden Mewberty form getting ready to enter the portal to The Realm of Magic, say The Whispering Spell there and destroy all the magic. Despite the major drawback to the aftermath (No Starco😢). She turns down Eclipsa and Moons advice on taking on Mina all together and is just single minded on her plan. Star, maybe that would’ve been a better idea. You know, like the whole Total Annihilation Spell thing that Eclipsa used! That could still work! Huh!? HUH!? HUH!? C’mon!!! (are we not gonna call her out for making a hasty decision based on her impulsive anger from her Moms betrayal!?) Before that however, she didn’t tell Marco the bad news of her plan to save him from heartbreak and Hekapoo was cool with Star going forward with her plan. Uh, seriously Hekapoo!? YOU’RE GONNA DIE! WHO’S THIS CHILL ABOUT DYING!? Guess after literally everything she thought, “Eh, I lived a long life. Besides, magic sucks a**”. Okay, I mean, if that’s how she feels then.

Marco goes with her and after getting one last back handed burning slap on the head (“Running with Scissors”), takes the wand from Moon and gives it the old “Marcos wand” look! (“Deep Dive”) Unknownst to Moon that he’s used it before. (the drawn on mole would’ve been a nice touch. I’m just sayin’). This is it! Their one last adventure before the whole things over. With that, they hold hands (Marco choosing the top arm of Stars left) and walk into the portal to destroy the magic. Oh God!

They arrive in The Realm of Magic and Star tries to do The Whispering Spell while Marco eats pudding that Glossaryck left behind for him and Star. Unfortunately, Star starts to lose her memories and Marco realizes he’s still fine. He finds out it’s the pudding! The Pudding!? OMG! You mean to tell me this is why Glossaryck kept eating pudding the whole time!? Not just because it was delicious! WOW! Marco shoves some pudding in Star which help keep her memories and then they see..............

Thomas Draconius Lucitor! Riding on the corrupted dark unicorn from “Mama Star”! Hey Tom! How you been!? Haven’t seen you since well, that episode I just mentioned! Last we checked, you were stuck in your demon form on fire and with that seatbelt still on!..............which you’re now wearing as a sash for some reason. Guess you never were sent back to Mewni, or the Underworld, or wherever else cuz no one bothered to mention what became of you. Tom, we can explain! A lot of sh*t happened in Mewni and it was all Mina (and Moons) fault! Also Starco is for finally canon and Stars gonna destroy the magic! Btw, why do you have glowing blank eyes like Stars real/fake ancestry?....................Tom, you’re scaring us............Tom, why are you charging at Starco!? Are you pissed that they forgot you!? TOM! TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Back on Mewni, River and Eddie finally make it to the sanctuary to save Globgor and just before they could open it, Mina catches them and the two biggest idiots of Mewni accidentally blurt out what they’re gonna do! (face palms). No thanks to that, Mina now tries to get into the sanctuary.

Over to The Realm of Magic again, Marco fights off Tom using the wand by blasting every bit of whimsical spell Star does and some with his own while Star finally does The Whispering Spell and for the finale, we actually hear what all that whispering was! “Break the bond, tear the fabric, cleave the stone, stop the magic” again and again. And it works! HOLY SH*T IT ACTUALLY WORKS! I didn’t think her plan would work by doing that, but it’s true! It’s freakin’ true!

However, it still doesn’t work. I knew it, I mean, saying the Whispering Spell in The Realm of Magic to destroy all magic! Puh-leeze! It’s only for the wand! :P. Just then, Moon and Eclipsa w/ Meteora show up and decide to help. That’s the quickest moment of forgiving I’ve ever seen, after all what Moon did, Star just accepted her again! Marco finally stops Tom from killing him w/ the corrupted dark unicorn by feeding him pudding, but in the process, getting stabbed! Don! Don! Don! After Tom is cured, he and Marco head back to Star. 

Star, Moon, Eclipsa and Meteora Dip Down in their Mewberty forms (the fandom gets their wish on seeing Eclipsa do that) and are joined by the Past Queens of Mewni (starting from Skywynne not the 26 before her cuz that’s all the queens the book mentioned cuz the staff didn’t have enough time to come up with designs, personalities, history, etc for them and also Skywynnes mother, Lyric, didn’t save the original Magic Book of Spells :P) in spiritual form assisting them with destroying magic. They still don’t talk as they didn’t have time to that and cuz it’s the last episode and we’re about wrapping up here, so :P to that.

Mina finds The Realm of Magic and charges after Star, Moon, Eclipsa and Meteora, but gets distracted when she sees her queen, Solaria, and gets attacked by the dark corrupted unicorn. Mina calls out to her for help, but Solaria, the queen that created Mina, transformed her and thought of her as her answer to finishing off monsters, did nothing! Nada, ZIP! Sure she hated monsters, but did she hate monsters more than she loves her daughter!? Some things are just more important. 

After he was done with Mina, the dark unicorn goes after the queens, but Marco f**king flips the horse! DAMN! Well, he’s fought monsters, did a bunch of cool sh*t in the Neverzone, helped save Mewni twice and punched Toffee right through him! So yeah! He can flip a horse! 

Suddenly, the magic starts getting destroyed, the baby unicorns melt, the wand is no more and the realm prepares its destruction.

The Queens start disappearing with Moon seeing her mother, Comet, one last time, Solaria accepting of Eclipsas monster love and her hybrid granddaughter and most of all, Glossaryck goin’in bye bye. Farewell Glossaryck, you were pretty annoying, but kinda right. It was nice knowin’ ya. 

Star then tells Marco he needs to go up the waterfall to Earth, but doesn’t answer him on the bad news that they’ll never see each other again :’(. However, I think he figured it out from their tearful good-bye.

 Everyone comes out the well, but Star makes a big sacrifice and decides to go to Earth to be with Marco. Turns out, Marco stayed behind in the destruction of The Realm of Magic cuz he too thought, with or without magic, ღ they belong together! ღ STARCO FOREVER! 

With that, they hug for the very last time with their last bit of magic giving them their glowing cheek marks, unknown what will become of them during the destruction (possibly death) and then 💥BOOM!💥

The sanctuary is now gone along with the magic, well dimension traveling, (the narwhal blasting) and most of all, no more signature cheek marks on Star or anyone else who had ‘em on the show! And Star floats a drift on an alligator where Moon finds her riding on another alligator like a jet ski.

The new Solarian army falls apart and all the Monsters, like Buff Frog and his kids, are now finally safe from harm all thanks to Star. Destroying the magic actually did turn out to be the solution to fix everything (I personally didn’t think so cuz I would’ve preferred Star go with Eclipsa’s Total Annihilation Spell from the beginning) and Stars tapestry did predict the outcome of it:Magic gone, no more Glossaryck, Mina defeated, Monsters safe, Reconciled with Moon, Eclipsa and her family alive and well and the Monster Temple still standing, but still, no Starco 😢. However, Star was still happy all the monsters were okay, her family safe and even Eclipsa and her family safe.

With the magic gone, Mina Loveberry has been brought down to normal and unfortunately, still coo coo! Now, with the other villains in the show, most of ‘em got redeemed (Ludo, Tom and Meteora) and others died (Toffee), but our final “Forces of Evil”, Mina, who can no longer transform into her Hulk-like warrior self, still remains mentally ill (there’s no cure for that). Moon tries to talk some final sense into her and help her out with her diseased mind, but Mina refuses her help cuz despite the fact that she’s depowered, she runs off continuing her goal on eliminating monsters cuz it “lingers to her”. Well, she’s a lost cause and no one really gives a sh*t about her anymore (except maybe Manfred), so good-luck to ya ya psycho b*tch!

Moon apologizes to Star for working along side with Mina and making the biggest f*ck up in history, but Star easily forgives her since she (Star) always f*cks up too. I guess the apple doesn’t really fall far from the tree after all, huh!? Star says it’s cuz all families f*ck up (some more so than others), but that what they need to do is just live and learn from it all. So yeah, it’s true. Star heads back to the infirmary to check up on her friends and since the magics gone, those Solarian fatal wounds have already disappeared and everyones okay. Like Pony Head and Rich Pigeon! Star tells Pony Head that destroying the magic was the only solution there was to defeat Mina and save everyone, but despite the fact that she’s happy all is well and done, the tragedy of it is there’s no more Marco Ubaldo Diaz! NO MORE STARCO! IT DIDN’T LAST! 😭 He’s just back on Earth with Janna cuz that’s where they belong much like how Kelly went back to Woolandia and Talon at that Dragon Spit bar thing and that she can’t deal with Pony Heads sassy character trait stuff right now! 

Pony Head sees how heartbroken Star is and cheers her up by saying that Kelly is crying tears...........of joy! And happily goin’ on adventures with her “Battle Buddy” Jorby and that Talon is making up cool stories about his adventure to the bar taverns and it does in fact cheer Star up.

From the magic gone, we learn what became of the MHC and that they were reduced to just junk. Omnitraxus Prime is now a lifeless skull like the ones you see stereotypically in the desert, Rhombulus is now a lifeless crystal which was originally his head and his free will snake arms are now just regular old snakes and Idk what happened to Hekapoo, but I’m assuming since she was a demoness, she must’ve just turned to a poof of smoke or something. Omnitraxus was so close to be mature, but sadly he failed to realize what Hekapoo saw. Still disappointed in how Rhombulous turned out (sigh) oh so disappointed. Oh! And uh, Sean just overfilled himself on pizza. He was never important. Whatever. 

Just then, Tom shows up and he’s okay too! Pony Head didn’t mention that he was looking for Star after she decided to supposedly leave Mewni to live on Earth and I think it’s cuz she ships Starco now cuz we all know Tomstar failed not once, but twice! Hey! It’s the finale, so I’m tellin’ it like it so :P (third times not always the charm). Any way, Tom shows Star a portal that”s floating around in the distance and that it leads to Earth! (gasp)

Speaking of Earth, since the The Realm of Magic was located under Britta’s Tacos, and is now gone, the restaurant is too. Oh great! 😒 First we lose The Bounce Lounge, then Quest Buy and now the taco place! (as if it wasn’t bad enough we don’t have Starco!). The whole destruction to them was known as an “earthquake”. 

Marco is on a gurney, but he’s safe and healed now that the magics gone with that unicorn wound no longer there and his parents and baby sister are relived he’s okay. Sadly, much like Star, he's miserable without her. 

Janna rolls in on her gurney attached to a heart rate monitor and she cheers up Marco by saying even though he lost Star, they still have each other as friends. Despite the fact that she drove him nuts most of the time, he did in fact consider her a friend and vice versa. Janna then tells Marco about a portal from a distance that leads to Mewni! (gasp). Janna then tells Marco that he should run for it while she fakes her death in 60 seconds to distract everyone. DAMN! RUN! DIAZ! RUN!

So I’m guessing their last bit of magic together while embracing one last time was the result of that portal (no it’s not a “gas leak” from the “earthquake”), but how long is it gonna remain open!? Both our heroes run like Hell to see each again with a build up theme tune playing with Star punching her way through the Forest of Certain Death and Marco violating traffic laws cuz one thing is set on their minds, make Starco canon! 

Marco uses Jackies skateboard to head faster while Star turns down a friendly game of basketball with Ludo and Dennis. So nice that we saw more of the minor characters again. sk8er girl Jackie with her new French mate, Chloe, starter villain Ludo fully redeemed and happy, those two guys that Daron never wanted to exist, Alfonzo and Ferguson, fangirl Starfan13, mean girl Brittany (well finally! Where was she!? Still wish we saw Jeremy though even if he was a little sh*t, I’d still would've liked to have seen him) we even saw that creepy woman and her new dog, “Willoughby”! (”Fetch”). 

Okay enough about them, let’s get back to Starco! They’re getting closer!........

closer!.........

CLOSER! AND- 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 

WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHY!? THIS CAN’T BE! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME I WAITED 4 YEARS, WATCHED 4 SEASONS AND WENT THROUGH 4 SHIPS (JARCO, OSTAR, TOMSTAR AND KELLCO) FOR NOTHING! Why does Daron hate us!? Huh, why!? This is it! THIS is how the story ends!? No Starco, no endgame, no HAPPILY EVER AFTER! NO NOTHING! WHAT’S IT GONNA TAKE TO MAKE STARCO HAPPEN!? WHEN DRAGONCYCLES FLY ACROSS THE EARTH SKY!?

Wait! Are those dragoncylces? Flying across the Earth sky!? Holy Sh*t! They are! 

And are those, mermaids!? Swimming in the aqueduct!? (was that a giant spider?).  

Is that Rich Pigeon getting chased up a tree by Earth dogs!? 

Did a helicopter just fly by the Cloud Kingdom over the Pony Head family!? 

Whoa! Whoa!.....WHOA! Are you telling me, that Earth and Mewni have merged into one whole dimension and that it’s now Earthni!? Was it that last bit of Starco magic from the embrace that caused that portal to open and explode to do this!? WOW! Now I get it! “Cleaved”! Good one there, good one! Okay, so it’s a little hectic what with the two worlds becoming one thing, but maybe with time, everyone will get used to it (shrugs).

So if the two worlds merged then that means.............................

STARCO AT LAST! The final unification! Better than the one from “Battle for Mewni”, not awkward like in “Lint Catcher” just pure unadulterated Starco and with their beautiful theme music playing once again to emphasize it. They meet, they smile, they walk towards each other and...............they say Hi. No big kiss or hug or even a silent stare, just plain old “Hey how ya doin’?”. It’s a little tame, but considering this is a children's show, it’s still sweet and more importantly, it was endgame ;). 

🎶 I wanna be your endgame,

I wanna be your first string,

I wanna be your A-Team,

I wanna be your endgame, endgame 🎶

Since Star Butterfly wasn’t there to do her closing inner monologue like how she did with her opening one in the pilot of the show, I’ll be doing it here. So the show ended with Starco like we all hoped for except with the unexpected twist that both their worlds, Earth and Mewni, collided together. Never in a millions years would we have thought this would happen! I’ve seen fan works of Starco either living together on Earth or living as royals in Mewni with their “Starco child(ren)”, but the fact that we got a best of both worlds finale was a huge surprise! Now the happy couple can still be with their families and friends and even have Meteora and Mariposa grow up together like they promised they would. If you ask me, this sounds more like a new beginning, like how are the Humans and Mewmens gonna adapt to their new surroundings and interactions among each other like it’s the start of a whole new season! But I guess that was left to the fans to use their imagination on how that’ll go cuz so many people already had left the show to pursue other things and that they needed to wrap it up quickly. However, we’re still left with some unanswered questions such as why we didn’t see the Septarian, Seth, and how he was the head honcho of the Septarian army cuz he was a big deal in The Magic Book of Spells and since that book was foreshadowing everything in the final season, I assumed we might’ve gotten a look at him and maybe have him make an appearance since it was last said he disappeared, but I guess like in the book, he’s history. Second, there’s Toffee, from the very beginning he wanted the magic destroyed such as having Star use The Whispering Spell in the Season 1 finale and then corrupting it in the tv movie and it wasn’t until near the end where Star realized he was right to do so after all the chaos that’s been goin’ on. Granted it wasn’t for the same reasons she wanted, but overall just doing away with it to not give anyone an advantage to use against someone. I actually thought (like some fans) that he’d come back again, cuz he was mentioned a lot and it was hinted in the final seasons episode premiere about the use of magic and that he might’ve, but after two seasons and a movie, I suppose it was enough and at least he got a cameo in one. Still, his actions were a big concern for Star. Thirdly, the rebel princesses, last we saw, Meteora blew up the whole school after finding out about her true background and we never saw what became of ‘em. Hopefully, they’re fine like Pony Head is and that our minds shouldn’t go into a dark place thinking about that. Speaking of darkness, monster arm, he looked to be hinted at coming back after his defeat, but instead he was just left as a scare gag and irrelevance to the plot. Lastly, the same goes for that mysterious sun/moon/star room in St.Olga’s. It looked to be a big plot point to bring up in a later episode, but alas, we got nothing out of it! We suspected it had something to do with The Blood Moon, but even that was all for nothing! Never did we find out what that room was supposed to mean and I guess it was never meant to have been pointed out in-universe cuz that was for us fans to see it as an up and coming big Starco moment like how the Blood Moon was never magic and that it was just a gimmick with the whole “soul binding” thing to spice up it’s appeal. The finale was good. Could’ve done it as an hour long special or tv movie to close it off, but since Daron and the staff kept goin’ through so many changes in episode plots (and believe me, I’ve seen plenty of “what-could’ve-been” plots like the original idea for the show with Star younger and non-magical annoying everyone around her with her big imagination of her being a magical girl princess), I kinda think maybe they rushed into it, but even so, it was a nice finale and it left a good memory for me. I found some nice people through this fandom and just to name a few there was that ever popular head cannon blog, @svtfoeheadcanons which than went onto @seddm. Thank you for your words and blog and answering some of my questions (even though it was kinda anon, but I think you might’ve recognized me from my writings) you are brilliant, @moringmark, your comics of the Starco/Jarco child clashing story were fun as well as your Starco Child Headquarters comic and I am now enjoying your “F.R.I.E.N.D.S” parody of the Past Queens of Mewni and also the Meteora and Mariposa comic, thank you for your comics, I always check on and comment on ‘em and last, but certainly not least, my good svtfoe friend, @agentpfangirl1997. Hey girl! I love how I found her and we chatted about what we thought about the show and checking each others reviews and fan arts of it. Her drawings are awesome! Glad I got to know such a great person. Even with the show, we still keep it alive through our love for it and will treasure it for years to come. Thank you, Daron Nefcy! @daronnefcy 

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Do you have any fanficions that are very science-y, if that makes any sense? Like, focused on scientific things, in the writing style or actual experiments incorporated into the story itself? I hope I'm making sense

Hi Nonny!

Ahhh yeah, though a lot of the fics I read have it deep in the fic, lol. BUT!!!! Guess what?? Your ask is the lucky one that spawns a new list I’ve been waiting forever to post the next part for a tonne of new fics, LOL!

As always, gang, if you have a fic more tuned to what Nonny is ACTUALLY looking for, please add them here, LOL. Pt. 1 will have a lot more of what you’re looking for Nonny, since there’s a lot of my FFNet recs on that one, but both lists have great recs!! <3

IT’S AN EXPERIMENT! Pt. 3

See also:

It’s An Experiment!

It’s An Experiment! (Pt. 2)

The Perfect Place by SilverSmile (K+, 1,955 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Romance, 5 and Ones, Fluff, Experiments, Bed Sharing) – Sherlock attempts to find the perfect place to sleep, but his little experiment proves to be far more difficult than expected.

A Study in Lace by KarlyAnne (E, 2,320 w., 1 Ch. || Est. Rel., Crafty Sherlock, Tiny Lace Panties / Lingerie, Domestics, Experiments, Oral, Masturbation) – “Why do you suppose he was doing that?” “Why do I suppose who was doing what?” “The room. The lace. The secrecy. He was playing with fire in everything he did, and didn’t care one bit. But he had a secret chamber, carefully concealed, solely for the purpose of making lace lingerie. Obviously for personal use. Why?" Part 1 of The Unintentional Crafts of Sherlock Holmes

Insomnia by TheSingingGirl (K+, 2,635 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Humour, Bed Sharing, Sleepy Sherlock) – Sleep is merely the next frontier in what has become the battle to keep Sherlock alive. It's because of this that John ends up in bed with a sociopath.

Undercurrents by entanglednow (E, 2,996 w., 1 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Disturbing Things, Crime Scene Fetish, Pseudo-Necrophilia, PWP, Masturbation) – “There, that's it, perfect, shut your eyes and don't move - and don't speak."

John's Missing Wednesday by PipMer (K+, 2,999 w., 1 Ch. || Pre-Slash, Pre-TSo3, Non-Con Drugged John, Friendship, Experiment) –  "Now John I'd poison. ... Sloppy eater – dead easy. I've given him chemicals and compounds that way, he's never even noticed. He missed a whole Wednesday once, didn't have a clue." – The Sign of Three. This is the story of that missing Wednesday.

Museums and Laboratories by RhododendronPonticum (T, 3,004 w., 1 Ch. || Romance, Angst, Obsessive Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, Anxiety/Panic Attack, Separation Anxiety, Doctor John, Co-Dependent Sherlock) – If Sherlock's kitchen was his laboratory, then his bedroom was his museum.

Bathroom Accessories by Evenlodes_Friend (E, 3,324 w., 1 Ch. || Sex Toys, Butt Plug, First Kiss / Time, Romance, Horny Sherlock, John’s Patience Wears Thin, Humour, Bottomlock) – John discovers that Sherlock has been playing with some very adult toys in the bath.

After the Bombs by VampirePam (T, 3,337 w., 2 Ch. || THoB AU, Drugs, John’s PTSD, Panic Attack, Nightmares, Caring Sherlock, Cuddles, Bed Sharing, Angst, Hurt/Comfort) – In which the drugs Sherlock used to dose John trigger a severe episode of PTSD. When terrors old and new cause John to fall apart, Sherlock must rectify his mistake and pick up the pieces.

Experiment by Gwen's Blue Box (K+, 4,222 w., 3 Ch. || Non-Con Drugging, Hurt Comfort, Friendship) – Of course John has always known about his flatmate’s irregular sleeping habits, especially when they’re on a case. This time, however, the case is taking longer and longer, and soon John starts to worry. But there’s not much he can do, is there? Because drugging Sherlock isn’t an option. Not yet, maybe, but will it be soon? {{CW: John drugs Sherlock without his consent}}

Survival Strategies for the Domesticated British Butthole by Atiki (E, 6,183 w., 1 Ch. || Crack, Rimming, Anal Sex, Iced Lolly, Hair Removal, Depilation) – In which there’s a rimming disaster, Sherlock depilates his butt, everything goes very, very wrong and groceries are mistreated. This fic contains hair removal creme in a butthole, ice lollies in a butthole and John Watson's penis in a butthole. You have been warned.

My First, My Only, and My Forever by vintagelilacs (E, 6,220 w., 1 Ch. || Post-ASiB, Virgin Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock’s Bum, John’s Scar, Sherlock POV, Body Worship, Fingering, Bottomlock, Promise of Forever / Proposals, Misunderstanding, First Kiss/Time, Loss of Virginity, Virginity Kink, Seduction) – Sherlock narrowed his eyes. He was missing a vital piece of data, he was sure. John had been looking at him oddly ever since they left Buckingham Palace, and the ensuing incident with Irene Adler had only exacerbated his erratic behaviour. What was it? Why would he care that Sherlock was a virgin? There was nothing reminiscent of mockery or pity in his gaze. And then it hit him. John Watson was aroused.

Time on my hands by Mildredandbobbin (M, 7,179 w., 1 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-S3, One Night Stands, Mutual Pining, Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Sexual Exploration / Discovery, Desperation, Body Worship) – Virginity’s a construct, a concept—what does losing one’s virginity entail for a gay man anyway? Sherlock wants to fill that particular gap in his knowledge but John won’t, can’t, never will assist and there’s only so much desperately unspoken pining even Sherlock can take.

Speak My Language by Itsallfine (T, 7,479 w., 4 Ch. || Thanksgiving, Love Languages, Love Confessions, First Kiss, John Experiments in Sherlock) – When Mrs. Hudson introduces John and Sherlock to the concept of the five love languages, Sherlock descends into a dark mood and John’s curiosity gets the better of him. What is Sherlock’s love language, and why does the whole concept set him so on edge? Part 1 of A Holiday Triptych

Made for You by Raxicoricofallapatorious (K, 8,440 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Sci-Fi, Androids) – When John was shot in the shoulder he was decommissioned and his memory and personality was wiped. Sherlock was given the blank droid and he quickly learns that this droid is more than it seems. John just so happened to come back and no one can fathom how or why. Johnlock if you squint.

Ravish Me by amalnahurriyeh (E, 10,025 w., 1 Ch. || UST / RST, Makeup / Lipstick, Sympathetic Sally, Experiments, Pining John, First Kiss, Face Fucking / BJ’s, Cuddling) – Sherlock is experimenting with patterns of wear on lipstick in daily encounters. John is going to go insane.

You fit me, Sherlock Holmes by orphan_account (G, 10,077 w., 1 Ch. || It’s An Experiment, Bed Sharing, Slow Burn, Fluff and Angst, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Questionable Science) – An unfortunate series of events leads to John accepting being a part of Sherlock's study in physical intimacy. As the days pass by, John realizes he might be in for more than he bargained for. He doesn't entirely mind.

Fucking Cake by Random_Nexus (E, 12,965 w., 1 Ch. || Pre-Slash, Humour/Crack, Inanimate Object Smut, Frottage, “For a Case” / “Experiment”, PWP / Kinky, Mutual Pining, Fluff) – Sherlock brings home a chocolate cake, John finds him about to have sex with said cake, then exceedingly weird hijinx ensue. Part 1 of "Fucking Baked Goods" - Sherlock BBC

Division by MrsNoggin (E, 19,542 w., 11 Ch. || Coffee Shop AU || First Kiss/Time, Fluff, Barista Sherlock, Clingy Sherlock, POV John, John’s Limp, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Sleepy Cuddles, Sensuality, Touching, Virgin Sherlock, Insecure John) – John likes mysteries. And every morning he dips into the local independent coffee bar with his newspaper and ponders another... one Sherlock Holmes.

Hellfire by testosterone_tea (E, 28,596 w., 9 Ch. || Fantasy / Magic / Mages / Elementals AU || Mage Sherlock, Elemental John, Developing Relationship, Torture, Powerful / BAMF John, POV Alternating, Dark / Blood Magic, UST, First Kiss) – Sherlock is a Mage that gets involved with a case involving Dark Summoning rituals, leading him to John Watson, a man with Berserker blood. The only thing is, Berserkers have been extinct for centuries. And of course, nothing involving Mycroft and his interfering ways is ever simple. This time, even Sherlock may have bitten off more than he can chew.

Never Change a Running System by Lorelei_Lee (E, 54,246 w., 18 Ch. || Pre-TRF, Romance, Humour, Drama, Sex Toys, Anal, Rimming, Masturbation, Frottage, Blow Jobs, Public Sex, First Kiss / Time, Virgin Sherlock / Loss of Virginity, Accidental Voyeurism, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Experiments, Naive Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Straight With an Exception John, Hand Jobs) – Sherlock discovers his sexuality – with far-reaching consequences for John.

Being John Watson-ish by elwinglyre (E, 69,902 w., 17 Ch. || Bodysnatcher AU || Author John, Cranky Sherlock, Angst, Sexual Tension, First Kiss / Time, Falling in Love, BAMF John, Past Soldier John, Feelings, Inside Someone’s Brain, Shy Sherlock, Sherlock Loves John, POV Sherlock, Switchlock, Slow Burn, Internal Dialogue, Mental Turmoil) – When consulting detective Sherlock Holmes steps on one toe too many at a crime scene, he's consigned to a desk job in an archaic office on the seventh-and-a-half floor of the New Scotland Yard. It’s in this bleak office that Sherlock discovers a portal into the mind of renowned author John Watson. Grander than his mind palace, this new wonderland affords Sherlock new vistas of experimentation. To learn more about the mystery behind the portal, Sherlock seeks out and befriends Watson. But then it all goes wrong when others find the secret portal door—including the man whose brain he visits.

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU ||  BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn't truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes." Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

The Adventure of the Silver Scars by tangledblue (NR [M], 142,458 w., 41 Ch. || S3 Fix-It, Post-HLV/ Post-TAB / Canon Compliant, Case Fic, No Baby, Angst, Humour, UST, Slow Burn, Angry John, Reconciliation, Not Nice Mary / Leaving Mary, Dependent Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Caretaker John, Fist Fights, It’s An Experiment, Virgin Sherlock, Dancing, Drugging, John Whump, Pet Names, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Scars) – It’s been thirteen months since Mary shot Sherlock and John finds he’s still pissed off about it. Sherlock had thought everything was settled: John and Mary, domestic bliss. But when John turns up at Baker Street with suitcases, the world’s only consulting detective might not be prepared for the consequences. A new case. Some old scores to settle. Certain danger. Concertos, waltzes, and whisky.

[hubcaphalo]

all the even numbers and also 3 :3

That is SO MANY, Cakes! 😂💕 ily

2. is your room messy or clean? Clean but cluttered

3. what color are your eyes? Green. They used to be kind of a blue-grey and changed color a bit reflecting off what I wore. My driver’s license actually still says they’re blue because how do you ask them to change that without sounding like an idiot 😂

4. do you like your name? why? I used to hate it because anyone I met from my parent’s generation would sing THE SONG at me, and being a shy, anxious kid, I was deeply mortified. People don’t do that anymore (although our truck driver at work often sings this one at me, but I just think it’s funny), so I don’t mind the name anymore. I even kind of like the song now.

6. describe your personality in 3 words or less: awkward, insecure, funny

8. what kind of car do you drive? color? N/A

10. how would you describe your style? uhhh. Black.

12. what size bed do you have? Full, I think?

14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? Well, I like living here pretty well, although I’d like to be able to afford to live alone! Portland and Vancouver BC would be top of the list if I had to relocate.I know that’s boring but I love the PNW

16. favorite makeup brand(s) Nyx & Too Faced

18. favorite tv show? Of all time, Buffy. One of those wouldn’t-be-alive-without-it kinda deals.

20. how tall are you? 5′7″, or 170.18cm

22. do you go to the gym? No, I should start, though. The only local gyms with pools, though, are either gross or pricey, so I gotta figure that out.

24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? $5 american and $5 canadian

26. how many pillows do you sleep with? 2 thin-to-medium sized pillows

28. how many friends do you have? What? Who keeps count??

30. whats your favorite candle scent? When they’re actually lit, I like the warm spice smells, that make you think of fall/winter. Unlit, aka just standing in the candle aisle smelling them, I like everything except the florals.

32. 3 favorite girl names: idk, all names are nice

34. favorite actress? idk man, there so many great ones! I’ll tell you what, though, I’ve been watching Good Girls, and I mostly knew Retta from Parks and Rec, where she’s hilarious, but in this show she makes me CRY like every episode!! She’s amazing.

36. favorite movie? I’ll give you top 3. The Fall, Pan’s Labyrinth, City of Lost Children

38. money or brains? Is it TOO MUCH to ask for both.

40. how many times have you been to the hospital? Like, admitted, or including visiting? Visiting, only a few times. Admitted, only when I was born. But that’s about to ~chaaaaange~ when they cut this fibroid tumor outta ya girl!

42. do you take any medications daily? Not currently.

44. what is your biggest fear? Materially? Spiders. Immaterially, dying alone and unloved, having accomplished nothing, hooray!

46. whats your go to hair style? Throw a lil coconut oil in to de-frizz the curls, flat iron the bottom couple inches to make it look more sleek. Boom.

48. who is your role model? Not to be corny, but, my friends. They inspire me every dang day.

50. what was the last text you sent? “I miss you guys!” to my friend Brice

52. what is your dream car? some old muscle car.

54. do you go to college? Went, graduated, degree is gathering dust literally AND metaphorically.

56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? No.

58. do you have freckles? Nope

60. how many pictures do you have on your phone? Uhhhh, a LOT

62. do you still watch cartoons? Not usually

64. Favorite dipping sauce? Hot sauce. Preferably Cholula.

66. have you ever won a spelling bee? No. Competed in the school-wide bee once, in 5th grade. Got pretty far!

68. can you draw? lil bit.

70. what was the last concert you saw? Lauren Ruth Ward, last Saturday.

72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? Starbucks coffee makes me sick and there are no Dunkin Donuts in this state, so: neither!

74. what is your crush’s first and last initial? 🤐

76. what color looks best on you? Green.

78. do you sleep with your door open or closed? Closed

80. what is your biggest pet peeve? Assholes

82. favorite ice cream flavor? Chocolate with peanut butter ribbons!

84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? They taste the same to me, so I guess rainbow for the pretty

86. what is your phone background? This pic of Joe Strummer:

88. do you like it when people play with your hair?  Y E S

90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? Yes.

92. have you ever been drunk? Yes.

94. favorite lyrics right now: “Oh well, travel man, next time you leave take me”

96. day or night? Night

98. favorite month? idk…September?

100.  who was the last person you cried in front of? My b o s s which was very awkward and uncomfortable for BOTH of us. I was just…really stressed out

[theabominableblogger]

My Reaction to “Gotham” S4E16

ONLY TWO MORE OF THESE TO GO, KIDDIES!

The rest of these reaction posts I’ll be uploading are not chronological order.  They’re like that because A) college and B) more college.

My sister watched it with me (as well as the other episodes left in my epic “Gotham” reaction series) so my comments will be in bold, and hers will be in regular font.  Author’s notes courtesy of me will be bolded and italicized.

Also, quick warning (and probably obligated to say this), we don’t like Barbara’s storyline.

AN:   I managed to record our reactions to this episode and hopefully I can transcribe what I said into this post. 

*Lee shoots Sofia in the recap*  Oooooohhh!!

But she’s not dead though, apparently!

*sighs*  Nobody’s dead on this show...

And he’s [Jerome] alive!

*flatly*  Was there any doubt.

Meanwhile, at Arkham Asylum...

*The Arkham guard turns on her Walkman*  Oh, this is never a good idea...

*starts slow jamming out to "Fool For You” by Alice Smith*

Yeah headphones are required...

Ohhhh OK...

Because!  *points excitedly at screen when Jervis appears*

*scoffs in hilarity when Jervis tries to talk to the guard, who can’t hear him*

What.

*gasps when one of the guards pops up behind the main guard*

“Tortuga!  You almost gave me a heart attack!”  Tortuga?

*shrugs cluelessly*

*Tortuga slices the guard’s neck*  Ooooooohhhhhhh!!

Jesus God!

Jervis, I like your shorter hair much better.

Tortuga.... *claps hands*  THE MOCK TURTLE!

OH MY GOD!

YEAH!

Wha- oh my God...

*jaw drops in excitement when we see Scarecrow*

[Jervis] I LOVE YOUR NEWSPAPER HAT!

That’s a different actor [playing Scarecrow].  That’s not Charlie Tahan.

*chuckles*  He’s [Scarecrow] experimenting in his toilet.

Did he just put a whole bunch of that sodium stuff in his freaking toilet?

That thing is gonna get blown right off the wall in a matter of minutes.

I know!

*Scarecrow pours that crap on a lock*  Holy shit!

That’s all you were doing with that?!?

*Cue Jerome*  EEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYY!!!!!

Ohhh dear.

EEEEYYYYYY!!!

“When I [Jerome] say ‘three hairs past a freckle,’ gentlemen, I do not mean five hairs past.”  *both immediately smile*

“Boys, boys, let’s not squabble too early in our partnership.  There will be plenty of time to stab each other in the backs later!”  *both chuckle*

“That’s the spirit, boys.  Think big- and kinky.”  *done*

“And lose the weirdo.  She’s [Tortuga] giving me [Jerome] the heebie jeebies.”  *trying her absolute damndest not to laugh*

*laughs*  Stop calling us out!

*both yell in horror when Tortuga slices her own neck*

“Now, to free the rest of our cronies and blow this pop stand.”  WELL DANG!

It’s “Popsicle stand,” you cretin.

*laughs*  He don’t know that.

If you’re gonna insult me, do it properly.

WHO’S THE LOSER WITH THE DRUMS?!?

I KNOW, I LOVE THAT DUDE!!!

*both crack up at Jerome going down the aisle and making stupid faces at other inmates*

Ohhhhh, he’s great.

*jams out to opening theme*

“How many got out?”  “87.  The entire violent ward.”  *jaw drops in shock*

“Yeah, we’ve rounded up most of the serious nutjobs; they’re the guys that think they’re walruses or what not.”  *both immediately do finger guns at screen*

EEEEEEYYYYYYYY....

Any carpenters in there?

Please tell me there’s gonna be more Benedict Samuel.  Two minutes of that guy, and I already love him.

*chuckles*

Like he’s not the Jervis Tetch I know and love, but he’s entertaining as hell.

He’s very good!

Yeah, Benedict Samuel’s real voice sounds nothing like that.  It’s like stereotypically British.  But not Cockney, just British.

AN:  WHAT?!?!  HE’S ACTUALLY FROM AUSTRALIA?!?

*smiles*

“All right, listen up!  If I’d [Jim] have known I’d be seeing your ugly mugs tonight, I’d have stayed in the hospital.”  *both chuckle*

Ben McKenzie directed this episode, I forgot!

I take it that means we’re in for a good one.

AN:  Yes.

“Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim!”  *laughs*

JIM JIM JIM JIM JIM JIM JIM JIM JIM JIM JIM JIM JIM

“Do it, OR I’M [Jervis] GONNA KILL SOMEONE!  In case you have any doubts.”  *both crack the hell up*

I shouldn’t be... God, he’s good!

“Let’s go.”  Here we go go go go gooooo!

"You [Jim] said we had to have each other’s backs tonight, right?”  Yes!

“So what, we’re [Jim and Harvey] either idiots, or we’re hypnotized?  Good choices.”  *both laugh*

Oh please tell me this is the episode with Harvey being awesome.

Uh, that’s the next episode.

AAAAUUUUUGGGHHHH!!!

*Jervis meets Jim with a hypnotized couple*  SON OF A BITCH! 

Who the hell are they?!?

*so done*  A random married couple!  Because in the previous season, Jervis was all like “Oh, Jim, what are you worried about?  Your love life?!?” and I’m like “SHUT UP!”

“Lo and behold!  The bold Captain Jim Gordon, and his rusty caboose in tow.”  *chuckles*  ‘Rusty caboose in tow...’

*giggles*

Dude, look at that scarf [that Jervis wears]!

Do you recall when I [Jervis] first came to this fair city, Jim?  A bawling mess, wanting nothing more than to address the safety of my dear sister Alice?”  :/

“You gave me NO CHOICE!”  *tries not to laugh at the SUDDEN YELLING*

“I was willing to give you any life you wanted, just to keep you out of mine.”

*Jervis gives the command to drop the wrecking ball*  Ooohhh..

Oh shit-

*both yell and reel back in absolute horror when the couple gets squashed*

*both still in :O for a good minute or so*

He [Jervis] drives off!  *laughs*

I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I JUST SAW!

That just killed the moment, just him randomly driving off.

I don’t know what the hell I just saw!

I don’t know either.

That was kinda awesome!  I’m not gonna lie!

*Bruce and Selina enter the precinct*  Yaaay!

The dynamic duo.

Yaay!

*laughs*  She [Selina] just growled at him [Bruce]!

Ooooohhhh I like that [Barbara’s] office.

I like her hair.

Season 4:  the season of Booze ™ !

*chuckles*

There’s just so much booze in this season!

*sings*  Alcohol... my per-ma-nent accessory...

*mouths while aggressively pumping hand holding phone in air*  Shots shots shots shots!

[Barbara] Don’t mix pills with booze.  Don’t do that.

“He [Ra’s] brought me [Barbara] back to life.  We’d never even met.  Why choose me?”  Because he brought you back to life?!?

Are you two [Barbara and Tabitha] still going out or like what?  What’s the situation here?

*shrugs*  I guess...

What’s the situation here?

Friends with benefits?

I guess...

*chuckles*  I don’t know...

*gasps when we get a flashback of Barbara’s death in S3*

Oh shit!

WHY HER THOUGH?!?  That is my question!

That’s a great shot though [of Ra’s reviving Barbara], I have to say.

What the hell...

*Ra’s brings out the Lazarus water*  Oooo-oohhhhhhh...

Is that from the Lazarus pit?!?

I think that’s from the Lazarus pit!  Yeah, ‘cause it’s like a neon color in this show!

Oh my God!

*Ra’s revives Barbara*  There we go.  That explains it.

So you can drink in it rather than bathe in it in this continuity.

Yeah.  I mean, you can do both.

*Barbara is resurrected*  Ohhh!

Oh shit!

“Oh, what a vital, poisonous little mind you [Barbara] have.  And yet, everybody hates you for it, don’t they?”  I don’t think that’s why they hate you.

“You are just the one I’ve been looking for.”  :/

“You [Barbara] shall become the Demon’s Head.  The League of Shadows will be yours to command, an army of assassins.”  *rubs head in frustration*  Ohhhh, are we doing this again... ohhh....

They’re not talking “Oh, Dark Knight!”  That’s later.

[Ra’s] You’re gonna hand the League of Assassins over to her [Barbara]?!?

I know, I don’t like it either.

WHy?!?

I don’t know.

That sounds stupid.

“I’m [Barbara] OK.”  No you’re not.

*The remnants of the married couple*  Oh my God.. those are just dummy parts sticking out of the bottom!

I mean, it was effective.

Yeah.

It was hella effective!

It was very effective!

“Midnight, right?  That’s less than an hour.”  Midnight?  Why is it always midnight?  *chuckles*

*shrugs*

“’Fliers become die-rs.’”  It’s like in “Lovers and Madmen.”  He rigged all of those people to jump to their deaths.

Ohhhhhhhhh!!

*slaps knee*  And it’s like in “Mad as a Hatter” [in Batman:  The Animated Series], when he told those guys to jump in the river!

*gasps*  Yeaahhhhh!  Oh my gosh!

AN:  Also, I highly recommend the comic “Lovers and Madmen.”  Different interpretation of the Joker but still pretty solid and also quotable.

*wheezes when Bruce tries to give Detective Harper money to protect him*

*tries not to laugh when Bruce starts to fake cry*

*laughs when Bruce pulls a Stealth Hi-Bye on Harper*

Bruuucceee!

*gasps and claps hands*  His [Jervis’s] theme in the background!

*jaw drops when it’s revealed that a lot of rooftops are lined by people ready to jump*

Ohhhhhh shit.

“Your ego, Bruce.  It’s huge.”  *tries not to laugh*

“Get over yourself.  It’d make you a little easier to be around.”  *both try not to laugh*

Oh...

Oh shit!

Oh... oh-

*Bruce ends up opening the door for Selina instead*  Oh.

*groans in frustration*

That’s not a hug, I’m just getting the door for ya!  *laughs*

*both laugh at Selina’s little giggle*

That little giggle, oh my God!

“You don’t owe me [Bruce] anything, Selina.  You never did.”  You two are adorable!

They’re cute!

“Geez, there’s a lot of gum under here!”  *chuckles*

*whispers*  What?

Ew no no no-

Oh no no-

*both yell loudly in disgust when Jerome eats some ABC gum*

You are crazy!

*chuckles*

“Jim,  it’s happening all over the city.  Thousands are climbing up roofs!”  How many people are in this freaking city?!?

Probably at least a couple thousand, I’d say.

“He [Jervis] must’ve commanded them [the drivers] to change the station so that we couldn’t find him.”  How complicated are these commands?  It’s like explaining Kilgrave’s powers.  Did he tell them to do that or...

“Ugh, it’s that song I [Harvey] hate!”  *chuckles*

*jams out and sings along with “Foolish Pride” by LAB*

“Just right!”  Oooh, broccoli cheddar [soup] though.  Good choice.

“Mamma Mia!”  *both start singing “Mamma Mia”*

“What was the special ingredient again?  Ah, right.  It was my [Jerome’s] hand.  The one you [Uncle Zach] dipped in a boiling pot of chicken stock!”  *both bug eyes*

“That smell, it was ...mouthwatering....”  *shakes head in disgust*

You are disgusting, dude!

“I [Zach] set out three bowls of soup, nephew, so I’d have enough for all my guests.”  [Crap]

*small gasp when the strong man drags Jerome out of the booth*

Ooh shit!

“The ‘just right’ soup is for him.  The ‘cold’ is for me!  I always loved gazpacho!  The ‘too hot,’ that’s for you, nephew.”  Ohhh shit!

Oh he’s gonna heat it again!  Damn!

*jaw drops when the microwave starts shorting out*

Isn’t this the Iceberg?!?

No, it’s her [Barbara’s] lounge.

The Sirens, right?

Yeah.

*All the lights go out*   Ooooooohhhhh!

Shit!

“We’re [the League] here for the Demon’s Head.  Where is he?”  “She.... is right here.”  I call bullshit.

It’s a flashlight.  I could make a joke out of that but I’m not going to.

*gasps when Hypnotized!Harvey knocks out Jim*

“Hickory, dickory, dock.  The copper went up the clock.  The clock struck 12, he fell pell-mell, and that was it for the cop.”  *in unison*   Noooooooooooooo.....

Ohhh dear.

*Zachary takes out the boiling soup for Jerome*  Oh no.

*gasps when Zachary prepares to pour the boiling soup on Jerome*

“Here, nephew, have a taste of one of my three soups!”  *in shock*  Roll credits!

AN:  The name of the episode actually came from in the writers’ room.  Tze Chun came in having ordered 3 soups and Charlie Huston (the writer of this episode) said “I’m gonna put that in the script” and Tze Chun went “Yeah, right.”  Welp.

*both yell in horror when Zachary pours the soup down Jerome’s throat*

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

OOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!  [Jerome] You’re gonna have welts all over your face for a month, dude!

“No one deserves that.”  “You tell ‘em!”  *both have to stifle a laugh*

That is a very Joker moment, I have to say.

“Let him [Jerome] go... and get rid of the kid [Bruce].”  *bug eyes*

*Bruce throws a bunch of plates at the strong man*  Ohhhh shit!

Did he just No-Sell a porcelain plate to the face?!?

Yeah, he just did!

*both jaws drop in horror when Jerome finds the gallon of bleach meant for him*

He [Zach] was gonna poison his nephew!

“She’s [Barbara] got the Demon’s Head.  Ra’s chose her.”  “She doesn’t even know what it is.”  Fair point.

I don’t know what that haircut is.

Whose haircut?

That dude’s!

He doesn’t have any hair!

Exactly!

“Women serve in the League, but they do not lead.”  “That’s now a law, just a stupid tradition.  Ra’s chose her.  We need to honor his choice.”  Barbara’s like “Yes, random lady, I accept you!”

*gasps when Barbara takes out the male League member who tried killing her first*

“Anyone else want a shot at the title?”  Everybody does.

“Here comes the airplane!”  *tries not to laugh*

“Got it.  Lost it.  Write it down!”  Me in school.

*giggles when Jerome looks over at Bruce still fighting and does a quick second of fake shadow boxing*

*Jerome kills Zach*  :(

“Boy billionare Bruce Wayne, my [Jerome’s] savior!  Wow, I did not see that one coming.”  *both chuckle*

“Really makes a man wonder... what the hell is wrong with you?!?”  :[

*sighs*  Ohhh dear...

*claps hands when Jim finds Jervis at the radio station*  Let’s go!

How is he doing the whole hypnotizing thing?

It was over the radio.

Yeah, I know, but what does he use to do it?

He has a ticking mechanism.

Oh.  Does he always keep that on him or what?

He always has that [pocket watch] on him.  He goes “Look into my eyes and listen.”

Wait, if they can’t look into his eyes, then-

It’s the noise.

Oooohh kay.

It’s the stimuli.

*both yell and reel back in horror when Jim shoots Jervis’s hand*

What the hell was that for?!?

OK, here’s the thing:  he [Jervis] got shot in the freaking hand!

And it’s like nothing!

I will say though, the rhyming integrated in with the dialogue is done really well!

*in unison when Selina comes to save the day*  EEEEEYYYYYY!!!

*Bruce finally knocks out the strong man*  Oooohhh.

“Selina, huh?  Well isn’t that a nice name...”  Go to hell.

*Selina pulls a gun on Jerome*  Ohhh.

“Uh, uh, uh.  She’s not that kind of girl.”  Wanna bet?

“Oh, all right!  See you crazy kids later!  Ciao!”  *both crack up*

“Ra’s chose me [Barbara] for a reason, I know it.”  Looks like he was playing you for a stooge.

“You’re all so damn weak.  That’s it.  That is why Ra’s chose me.  Because he knew I would see how pitiful you all are.  Afraid of change.”  Yeah, that’s gonna endear you to them.

*bug eyes when the lights suddenly go out and gunfire ensues*

Shhiit!

Whaaaaaat?!?

What the hell is going on?

*The midnight bells go off*  Oooohhhh...

Noooo... nooooo....

Noooo.... we’re not doing this... noooo....

*both freak out in unison when the jumpers get ready*

*both freeze when there’s absolute radio silence*

“It worked!”  *both let out a huge sigh of relief*

That was good.  That was damn good!

*both giggle when the DJ gives Jim a thumbs up*

*Jim lets out a sigh of relief*  Same.

*Jim and Harvey enter the captain’s office*  That requires... some booze!  No, I’m kidding.

I’d want some booze after that.

OK, yeah.

“You [Jim] need a drink.”  *waves hand toward screen in agreement*

“Squirrels hide nuts for the winter.  I [Harvey] got this for whenever.“  EEEEYYYYYYYY!!!

The hell is that?

BOOOOOOZZEE!

*both giggle*

That looks like scotch.

No, that’s whiskey.  Like Fireball whiskey.  See, Harvey’s the hard drinker.

Yeah.  Gordon looks like he’s getting used to it.

He’s like “It’s dull.  Whatever.” *pretends to take a shot*  It’s like Steve Rogers. 

As long as it’s alcohol.

For glory, for justice-

*in unison*  -for sweet, sweet booze!

“[Jim] You know what I [Harvey] was thinking when I jumped in that car and I was flicking through those channels?  I was thinking ‘I can do this crazy thing.  ‘Cause if it goes sideways, Jim Gordon will save me.”  *both smile*

“Feet of clay are heavy to carry around.  That’s what the whiskey’s for.”  *softly chuckles*

“There are no heroes here.”  I will clink to that!

“Got the Wayne kid on line three.  Something about Valeska.”  Oh dear.

“I’ll see you at St. Ignatius, Jim.  You can yell at me [Bruce] there.”  *softly* Hoooooooo.... hoo hoo....

“Kid in trouble again?”  “More than he can handle.”  Summary of the show.

They put a mouthguard on him [Jervis]!

At least somebody’s gotta shut him up.

*Scarecrow douses a guard with fear toxin*  AAAAYYYYYYY!!!

Scarecrow!

*Jerome in his final costume*  EEEEEYYYYY!!

“How do you like the new threads?”  I like ‘em a lot!

Those are awesome!

*gasps and points excitedly at Scarecrow’s new costume*

“We have fish to fry.  And by fish, I mean faces... or feet... ah, something fun to fry!”  *laughs*

Man, he [Jerome] looks so good.  So does Scarecrow!

I know!  Everyone looks great!

Scarecrow looks amazing!

“ALL ABOOOOAAARRDD!”  Hey look, the Joker hijacks another truck!

And that’s the end of the episode!

Man, that was awesome!