#Archer has to deal with all this stuff rip him

[perelka-l]

Based on a meme I saw a few days ago.

Tfw you're trying to get a time off but your employer is a bit difficult with that so you gotta try something else 🥲

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #302: Senji Muramasa

happy new years, babes! today on Fate and Phantasms we’ve got 2023’s next top saber, Senji Muramasa! he’s a Forge Cleric to make the swords, and a Kensei Monk to draw as much power out of them as possible. as long as they’re katanas.

check out his build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

next up: we already did the genji-killing genji, so… bird up!

Race and Background

yeah, Senji’s a Human. that means he gets +1 Dexterity and Constitution, as well as proficiency in Investigation to figure out swords better and the Fighting Initiate feat for some Great Weapon Fighting, letting you re-roll 1s and 2s on damage dealt by two-handed weapons. that’s not a huge help out the gate unless you really like quarterstaves, but we’ll get there, I promise.

making swords all the time is kind of a Guild Artisan sort of gig, if you squint. that gives you proficiency in Insight and Persuasion. you’ve gotta sell those swords somehow.

Ability Scores

if you want to get all you can out of your swords (and survive long enough to do it,) you need some Dexterity. and if you want to see so good you can look into the future, that’s Wisdom, in more ways than one. third up is Constitution, again to survive all that sword-fighting you’re about to do.  After that, some Strength is in order. Shirou isn’t super ripped, but he’s got some muscle on him. that does mean your Intelligence isn’t that high, but tbh we only need to know about swords, and you do! finally, we’re dumping Charisma. you’re a crotchety old man, you only really care about the art, and you did technically work for the alien god that one time, which is… oof. still, we’re glad you make the heel-face turn when you did.

Class Levels

1. monk 1: i’m sure your sick swordplay skillz actually came after your forging knowledge, but i like living! so we’re going with the class that has unarmored defense first. that adds your wisdom to your ac while you don’t wear armor or shields! no problem! you’re not running around with unlimited chainmail works after all.

you also get martial arts! you can use your dexterity when attacking with monk weapons and your fists, plus you can make an unarmed attack as a bonus action when you attack with your main action! on top of all that, you get a martial arts die that grows as you level up, and all your monk-y attacks use that as their damage floor. if you’re using a weapon with a bigger die, use the normal one. if it would have a smaller die, use the martial arts one!

2. monk 2: second level monks can use ki to dodge, disengage, dash, or attack twice as a bonus action! you get your monk level in ki points every short rest, so feel free to go fast! you also get swordy options for your ki later, don’t worry!

on top of that, your unarmored movement helps you move a little faster than other swordsmen. or it would if we didn’t keep giving swordy people monk levels! still, u go fast, stay out of people’s reach. good strategy.

3. monk 3: at third level you set down the way of the kensei, teaching you the path of the kensei, which is a totally different thing. actually it’s like four different different things. anyway. you can grab some kensei weapons, one melee and one ranged. you get proficiency in them if you don’t have that already, and you can only pick weapons that aren’t heavy or special. grab a longsword for a fance katana, and whatever for the ranged attack. it’s whatever, who cares. not a sword.

while you have a kensei weapon in your hand and make an unarmed attack, you can make an agile parry for free, getting +2 ac for the rest of the round. good stuff for a guy dressed in regular clothes!

*sigh* if you really want to throw things around like some kind of… archer, you can use a kensei shot as a bonus action, making all your ranged kensei weapon attacks deal an extra 1d4 damage that round. funnily enough, this doesn’t need to be your ranged weapon- it just has to be a ranged attack. so even dnd supports emiya being an archer, throwin swords willy and nilly!

you also get the way of the brush. it’s a tool proficiency!

that was a lot for one level, and we’re not even done yet! third level monks can deflect missiles as a reaction, reducing incoming damage from an attack like an arrow or bullet. if you reduce the damage to zero you can even throw the attack back by spending a ki point! we rlly didn’t intend this build to be so archery, i swear.

4. monk 4: use your first asi to bump up your wisdom! smart smarter, dodge tougher, all that jazz. plus you can slow fall as a reaction. when you think about it, falling doesn’t deal damage- landing does. so all you have to do is block the earth before you hit the ground, and boom! no fall damage. genius.

5. monk 5: fifth level monks can make an extra attack each action! more sword! more! you can also turn your melee strikes into stunning strikes, forcing a constitution save on whoever you hit. if they fail, they’re stunned for a round. then you get advantage on all melee attacks against them for a bit! hit ‘em like a big fleshy pinata!

if you’re having trouble hitting, try spending some ki on your focused aim. spend ki points on a missed attack, add to the roll, maybe don’t miss. easy peasy. just make sure you’re spending on stuff that might actually hit, no point wasting resources on nat 1s.

6. monk 6: sixth level monks get ki empowered strikes and become one with the blade, which practically do the same thing! now your unarmed attacks and kensei attacks are magical to overcome resistances. you can also make a deft strike once per turn, adding your martial arts die to your damage roll. more dice! more rerolling! more! more!

7. cleric 1: if you want to make good swords, you need to have the power of god and anime on your side! HAAAAAAAAA! by that i mean ur a forge cleric! when you pick this class, you get proficiency with heavy armor and smith’s tools, one of those does not matter. betcha can’t guess which one! it’s the armor. y’know, the unarmored defense and all.

fortunately, your blessing of the forge is a little better, letting you turn any armor or weapon you touch into a +1 version at the end of a long rest for the rest of the day.

you also get some spells, tho tbh this build doesn’t really care about them too much. outside of like, two spells, your domain list is fine. speaking of, you get Identify to figure out any cool magic swords you find and Searing Smite. swords are cool. fire is cool. fire swords are extra cool, ironically. hit someone, watch them burn for a bit.

8. Cleric 2: second level clerics can Channel Divinity once per short rest in two ways. Turn Undead is whatever, we haven’t had to deal with skeletons much since Fuyuki, the real draw is Artisan’s Blessing. now you can spend an hour to turn raw metal into any nonmagical metal item worth less than 100 gold. we’re here for swords, but you can realistically make a lot more than that. you can even duplicate items if you want. that being said, we still have a price cap, so these aren’t masterworks just yet. still, make one of these and apply blessing of the forge, then once a local lord is impressed by your craftmanship you can just pump out regular swords and charge through the nose!

9. Cleric 3: third level clerics get second level spells like Heat Metal and Magic Weapon. annoyingly, you can’t heat your own sword for extra damage, it just hurts you if you do that. ugh. you can also grab one of the two spells I’d want from outside your subclass, Augury. now you can spend a minute sizing up a creature to figure out how well fighting them will go. if you might win, you’ll get weal. if you might lose, woe. you can also get both or neither, and using it over and over again will make the spell less accurate. if you’re really worried about your odds, upcasting smites tends to make people win.

10. Cleric 4: when you finally get another ASI, use it to grab the Slasher feat. aside from just being a cool genre of movies it also powers up your slashing attacks and your dexterity- once per turn, you can reduce the speed of a creature you hit with slashing damage, and now your critical hits give enemies disadvantage on attacks for a round. you are the sword guy, you get sword feats. if I could give you great weapon master in a way that would actually work, I would.

11. Cleric 5: fifth level clerics can Destroy Undead when they use their Turn Undead CD. if the undead in question is CR ½ or lower and fails their save, they die instantly. DEATH! DEAAAATH! or redeath, i guess.

you also get third level spells, like Elemental Weapon and Protection from Energy. now you can get a permanent fire sword that doesn’t constantly make you try to drop it! again, we don’t really need other spells. I mean smoke ‘em if you got ‘em, I’m just saying this guy’s a saber. cleric’s got one of the most stacked spell lists in the game, don’t let me stop you from abusing that.

12. Cleric 6: sixth level clerics can Channel Divinity twice a short rest, and you can use the Soul of the Forge. that means you have resistance to fire damage, and you get +1 AC while… wearing… heavy armor. yeah, these classes don’t exactly match up, as you can see.

13. Monk 7: bouncing back to monk, you can use your Evasion to dodge fireballs too, giving you complete negation on a successful dexterity save, and half damage on a failed one. which is then halved again if you’re actually dealing with fire. they have their moments.

you can also use your Stillness of Mind to counteract an effect charming or frightening you as an action, which is nice since we can’t focus on wisdom in this build as much as most monks.

14. Monk 8: use this ASI to grab the Piercer feat! most swords are slashing, but shortswords are still swords, so we have to be thorough. with this, you can re-roll a die of piercing damage once per turn, and you deal an extra die of damage with critical hits. I prefer the bigger swords, but you do you. rapiers are also pretty valid.

15. Monk 9: ninth level monks get an Unarmored Movement Improvement, letting you run up walls and over water as long as you end your turn on regular ground. servants get up to some wacky shit, I wouldn’t put this past them.

16. Monk 10: tenth level monks have a Purity of Body that makes you immune to disease and poison. neat. again, something most servants would have if we could afford it in every build.

17. Monk 11: at eleventh level, we get our last goodie from the way of the kensei, letting you Sharpen the Blade. as a bonus action, you can spend up to 3 ki points, adding that amount to your kensei weapon’s attack and damage rolls for up to a minute, as long as you aren’t already using a magic weapon with a bonus to attacks and damage rolls. get the most out of any sword! even a wooden plank is deadly in your hands.

18. Monk 12: use this ASI to bump up your Dexterity again. if you want to get the most out of a sword, your swording hands need to be at their best.

19. Cleric 7: seventh level clerics get fourth level spells. sure, Wall of Fire is nice, but your other subclass spell is fantastic. Fabricate lets you turn any amount of raw materials into a finished product after ten minutes. you can create a larger or smaller object, or medium if you’re making it out of metal or stone. you need better materials for better product, but masterwork products require proficiency with the tools you’d use to make them in the first place- fortunately, you have proficiency with smith’s tools, so you can quicksmith the hell out of these swords.

you also get your second spell we actually want here- Divination. you need to spend 25 gold, but it only takes an action to ask a god a question about something happening within a week. figuring out the future of creatures you’re fighting so you can sever it sounds like a good choice. that being said, your DM isn’t actually able to see the future, so expect some leeway. also, casting it over and over makes it less reliable, so don’t rely on your clairvoyance too much.

20. Cleric 8: our final level of the build is surprisingly busy for once. you get the Tough feat for an extra 40 HP, but your Destroy Undead also affects creatures of CR 1 and lower, and you make Divine Strikes once a turn, adding 1d8 fire damage to your weapon attacks.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

you are good with swords, and you are good with just about every sword. just about any sword that deals less than a d8 of damage gets its damage boosted already, and you can make any sword you touch into a masterpiece of magical damage in a single bonus action. and that’s all before we add in any deft strikes or divine strikes, all of which get their damage rerolled by your great weapon fighting if you’re using a longsword like you should be. you deal a good amount of damage, you’re consistent, and you always get the best shake out of any weapon you use.

everybody wants weapons, and you can make weapons out of just about anything. if it’s metal, artisan’s blessing. if it’s not? fabricate. you can turn anything into a sword, and you make any sword good. it’s also a pretty easy way to make money if you need it. it’s a dangerous world out there, nobody wants to go it alone.

you are incredibly accurate, which is a lifesaver against high AC enemies. with a maxed out dexterity, plus your proficiency, plus a sharpened blade and focused aim, you can add +20 to an attack roll if you really need to hit something. and with smites, you only need one attack to count for a lot of damage.

Cons:

your multiclassing doesn’t quite work together at points. for example, you can’t use blessing of the forge on your own weapon for a consistent boost if you plan on using Sharpen the Blade on it at all that day. also, the forge cleric’s heavy armor stuff just doesn’t work at all, which stinks.

kensei monks don’t use Ki quite as fast as most others, but they still burn it nonetheless. sharpening the blade all the way will cut your ki pool by 25%, all for one fight. fortunately, clerics have cool stuff to use their bonus action on beyond just flurries of blows, so it’s not all bad.

you have low charisma, so you might have trouble getting your money’s worth out of your swords if you plan on selling them yourself. maybe hang out with a bard or something. oh wait, is that why you switched to Guda’s side?

[princessofxianle]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

well THANK YOU for asking, you are the first to!

tbh ive been meaning to do this on my main blog bc I take these wayyy too seriously lol but ANYWAY heres my top 10 faves (in no particular order) that I can think of (tbh theres prob more i forgot about, or i wanted to keep only 1 per fandom... except tgcf)

Huge Spoiler Warning: for ALL of tgcf, 2ha, aot, AND JJK MANGA!!!

1. Feng Xin (tgcf)

do i even need to explain this one? loyal to a fault, just a cute lil puppy, one hell of a sculpted archers back, and he's head over heels in love with Xie Lian (but tbh same) i have a lot of thoughts about him on a daily basis on this blog (and also theres the #fx backstory au tag)

2. Noé Archiviste (the Case Study of Vanitas)

MY BABY

the absolute bestest boy of EVER... with a LOAD of unprocessed trauma (yknow the typical stuff like seeing your childhood bff get decapitated in front of you) and a lot more to come once we find out how he kills his boyfriend best friend, Vanitas...

i ALSO think about him a lot but over on @noes-pillow

3. Sejanus Plinth (The Hunger Games: tbosas)

hated reading as a child... HATED it... picked up the og trilogy when i was 12 and i was a goner. The funny thing is i still hated reading for YEARS up until i picked up the prequel novel then in 2020, and now ive read all of tgcf, 2ha, and more fanfic than i could ever imagine... all because this stupid boy (i love him) chose to trust the WORST person as his friend, rip sejanus my baby

the movie is v good btw, if you havent seen it you should

4. Xie Lian (tgcf)

*Taizi Dianxia Fang Xin Guoshi General Hua Xie Lian*

how this man survived 800 years of being physically unable to die and never went insane is a mystery i will never be able to fully comprehend (aaand im in love with him... hmm i wonder why...)

5. Mihael "Mello" Keehl (Death Note)

the chocolate-addicted blonde boi that was my first anime crush... by proxy I must also add Mail "Matt" Jeevas because they are a package deal

these two are also the reason i started writing fanfic so they will ALWAYS hold a special place in my heart

6. Xue Meng - (2ha)

*sigh* he's just everyone's fav peacock (yes technically the image is XM 0.5 but he had a cool ass bird so im using this photo bc its COOL anyway...) mengmeng is another one of my trauma bois who has lost next to everything and yet is STILL kicking ass and taking names #thatsmyfuckingsectleader so proud of you my son

also this might get me into hot water here but imma go ahead and say it...

this is what i wanted Jiang Cheng to be... (i LOVE my angy grape but...) through thick and thin, despite EVERYTHING, and even mo ran fucking abandoning him he will still call mo ran his "ge"...

fgjhdfhfdg THEYRE BROTHERS, OKAY???

7. Howl Pendragon (Howl's Moving Castle)

ok this one i just simply do not need to explain... if you think i do, go watch this whole movie and then there ya go thats your answer...

GENDER

8. River Song (Doctor Who)

aside from being the character that unlocked my unhealthy obsession with :) Main Character Death :) at the ripe ol' age of 8 YEARS (although Will Turner from POTC also helped on that front... Orlando Bloom my beloved) River's story was a stroke of absolute GENIUS from start to finish and i simply love how Alex Kingston played her...

"You don't expect a sunset to admire you back."

I just love the doomed ones, okay...

9. Satoru Gojo (Jujutsu Kaisen)

look... theres *gojo girlies* uwu and then theres GOJO GIRLIES... i couldn't give 2 shits about how he's fan-serviced (tho im not complaining) but have you SEEN the amount of grief pumped into that man? he could explode in a fit of fucking insanity at literally any moment and take the whole goddamn world down with him bc what happened with suguru WASNT FAIR to him and satoru has more than enough power to go apeshit... but he DOESN'T... even after losing so many of his co-sorcerers... he still puts on a brave face to the end in order to protect the childhood of his students even tho his own youth was stolen from him during hidden inventory...

SEE? The DOOMED ones!

10. Levi Ackerman (Attack on Titan)

i read the manga during my last year of uni and when i tell you i SOBBED at the end... yes ofc for obvious reasons, but mostly bc my little Levi loses EVERYTHING. He is the SOLE survivor of the veteran scouts. He's missing multiple fingers, an eye, and the ability to walk. He was the strongest (yowaimo) but wasn't even granted the mercy to die at the end of his narrative! Broke my fucking heart.

BONUS: Morph (Treasure Planet)

he's a morph!!! nuff said <3

fin

[magnuficent76]

Basic outline for all the Hireguns because.im bored and I really need to do something ! Just a quick rundown of how each one behaves and would theoretically play off in the game. Written very loosely because uhhhhhhhhhhh yeah. !

Archer Caede as The Sharpshooter

[Sniper– More Dmg dealt when using Sniper Rifles and Pistols.

- Less physical dmg than other characters, but makes up for it through skill, which allows him to be faster than any enemy while not sacrificing accuracy, creating enough distance between him and the target to shoot more ;

- Skill trees: Bullet Perfectionist (Precision focused line, rifle/pistol dmg increase, bonuses for criticals) ; Persistence Predator (Increases health, speed, reloading, etc) ; Reward Reaper (Boosts luck and other such stats, idk I haven't thought much about it)]

Jonah Caede as The Deadeye

[Impact Weapon Carrier– More Dmg dealt when using Shotguns and Combat Rifles.

- High damage + Chance of going into frenzy during combat/post getting hit, but slower than everyone else by a small amount. Skill is basically just him going sicko mode and ripping people apart by just jamming all his guns full of bullets and shredding someone's head open.

- Skill trees: Pack Hunt (Team bonuses, health, shield effectiveness, so on so forth) ; Cuspid (Dmg focused– increases gun, melee and frenzy bonuses); Hand that Takes (Gun reloading speed, loot bonuses, bullet capacities exceeding the limit if on frenzy)]

Salt as The Explosioneer (Explosion Engineer)

[Bombardier– More Dmg dealt when using Grenades and Rocket Launchers.

- Very fast + Highest Damage of all, lowest health out of everyone. Ability is literally called “Glass canon” so you can probably figure out what their deal is. Loses a small fraction of health to deal devastating blows to enemies, and can keep doing it until he dies. Throwing bombs everywhere is a skill just trust, he's knowledgeable and if you disagree you die.

- Skill trees: DETONATIONSTATION (Damage increase w/ guns, reloading speed, and general gun betterment.); GOODTIMETHREAT (Elemental damage focus, so whatever type of grenade or rocket launcher you have has even better damage.) ; IMPLOSIVETENDENCY (Focus on skill, so increases health, skill damage and critical bonuses)]

Radha as The Champion

[Physical Combatant– More Dmg dealt when using Melee. Can also use SMGs and Repeaters, but has terrible accuracy.

- High damage and Health, making her the tank of the team, but cannot aim for shit due to being completely short-sighted, so she mostly focuses on using her fists. Ability is “Bleeding Fist”, where Radha will obliterate everything and anything with her bare hands that stands in the way. Ability takes a long time to change however and will only speed up if hands are used.

- Skill trees: Bludgeon (Melee damage increase, speed for punches, decrease in ability cooldown, etc) ; Dynamo (Gun betterment in speed, accuracy and damage. I like to think investing enough in this ability just gives her glasses or something) ; Knockout (Other stuff– Health, elemental, critical bonuses all go here)]

[lightningandfireinmybones]

The thing is... Aemond not answering his phone? Sus. Aemond not answering twice? And when she's the one calling?? And AFTER he was brought in to Help Her with a thing she needed His Help with to be Helped? By Him? Her? And after they shared their little Ice cream date? And she was all relaxed and maybe sliightly flirty? And again... After he definitely could tell how the weight dropped off her shoulders when he touched her and ya know... Was near her? And he still didn't answer?

Aemond is dead people. Sorry to spoil it. He...yeah. he has passed.. the afterlife isn't a thing cause not even his ghost picked up that phone? Yeah.. sorry folks.. that's a wrap!

But in all seriousness.. he must have been taking care of her business or he was in deep shit himself? But if sth had happened and he Was fighting for his life then what was he doing at the club? Many questions....

Also an an extremely mentally unhealthy person with a horrible anxious attachment style and a disgusting amount of low confidence which is expressed by feeling like a burden the people around me who love me can't wait to be rid off..... I get her. 110/10.

If sb I felt like I had wronged, that I had destroyed their life, that I was going to be a bother to them just by existing didnt pick up..not once but twice? Oh i got the message. I'm so sorry i will lose your number and i wont even think of you again lest you can feel the weight of my thoughts and it's a discomfort to you.

Girlie is going through it!

Also the self harm stuff... The anxious anxiety of NOT wanting to think a thought or deal with a situation and your mind keeps reminding you and your heart starts beating fast, you get a stomach ache, you get antsy.

Yeah.. i.. this chapter is the most realistic thing I've ever read.

Also, something about her photo being that of a rare never seen before thought to have been extinct dragon Mid Flight ..

I just love Targaryens being crushed and obliterated and liquified under the massive weight of their legacy that is impossible to be met ever.

In conclusion regarding this chapter :

Rip aemond, full of powerful declarations of love and fealty and unable to back them up,,,

For real though aemond doesn’t do things by accident👀 he has his reasons👀 good thing it’s an aemond chapter next👀

Valaena is for the anxious attachment girlies!! For the mentally ill folk whose decisions don’t always make sense!! For the self destructive ones!!! The girls gays and theys who cry to the archer by taylor swift!!!

(For real though the more comments I got about her being pathetic and not badass and undeserving of aemond the more I double down on her being realistically flawed woman who doesn’t always make the right choices and is allowed love anyway)

TARGARYENS CONSTANTLY CRUSHED BY THE WEIGHT OF THEIR OWN DYNASTY,,, YOU GET IT BESTIE

keeping a legend alive sometimes kills you, as the Targaryens tragic figures would know!!!

Bless bestie thank you I wasn’t feeling the best about this chapter so this made my whole ass weekend:’)

[martianbugsbunny]

OUAT Thoughts Pt.69--Episodes 9-10

I have watched through S7E10; spoilers DNI. Also, spoiler warning for anyone further behind than I am.

—Oh, excuse me, it’s Drizella with a Z. Also, I think it’s kind of funny that two of these girls have names with Ella in them.

—So if I’m understanding this correctly, Drizella was a bit spoiled as a child, so her mother decided to hate her for the rest of her life. Okay. Sounds reasonable.

—The heart-shaped bodice on Cecilia’s dress was gorgeous.

—Little Cinderella’s dress was cute, too.

—Oooooh, lavender lemonade! That’s the good stuff, let me tell you. There’s barely a tastier beverage to be found.

—This may just be the most complicated family situation any Cinderella story has ever had.

—Oh, boo, it’s less fun when Hook isn’t calling Rumple “crocodile” at every turn.

—Kay so these witches are much creepier than most things that have appeared on this show. Ngl, proper witchy stuff freaks me out, and these ladies were specifically designed to do that, so…not living large right now.

—Not complaining about seeing Rumple in one of those delightful red robes again, but him regressing is sad. And he apparently gives, like, zero sh*ts about being alive, which isn’t surprising because his current goal is literally to die.

—I know I said this recently, but he keeps on upping the ante: Just when I think I can’t possibly love Hook any more, he proves me wrong. He gave up the knowledge that Alice is his daughter, gave up the relationship that he’s been searching for for years, to give Lucy a chance at having her mother in her life. Killian Jones is the most beautiful man alive and I would die for him.

—Rolling Bayou is the perfect name for the food truck and I one hundred percent believe that Tiana’s the one who came up with it. And it’s even starting to look like an actual food truck!

—Y’all, watching Henry almost die, and knowing that if the curse is broken he has to die, is terribly upsetting.

—I would like to rip my brain from my head and hurl it across the room. Even the writers have given up on establishing a timeline—which, to be honest, is hilarious to me. But fr, Henry is possibly somewhere in his thirties, Robin is twenty-five, Alice is still indeterminate, and nobody else has apparently aged? What kinda looney is this?

—I’d love to know what hijinks happened in the eight years between Drizella being statue-d and Drizella being un-statue-d. Regina knew Rumple was in that world, so he obviously wasn’t keeping too low a profile. How long has he been crazy? Why is Henry’s buddy still living with them? Where was Lady Tremaine that whole time?

—I go wild whenever Regina wears her regal clothes, but her wearing that cute little scarf in her hair when she went to Zelena clobbered me. She’s so pretty.

—Of all the things Zelena might’ve done in her cursed life, I would not have guessed cycling instructor. Interior design lady, maybe. Personal shopper, yes. Not cycling instructor.

—I love that Robin is an archer. I don’t care if it’s the most obvious thing ever, it’s perfect.

—Also, ROBIN AND ALICE? *inhuman screeching* I didn’t only get Alice being a dumbass lesbian, I got Alice with an actual girlfriend that she’s actually in love with and they actually exchanged promises to know each other even when they didn’t know each other like any other couple would and I CAN’T EVEN! And, you know what, the daughter of Zelena and Robin Hood being lesbian simply *slaps*

—If I ever shut up about this, I am dead. Ain’t no other option.

—*Also again* Rumple cowering with the lesbians in the face of the Dark Curse tracks. Rumple seems to collect wlw vibe ladies, I swear. (Autocorrect wants to change wlw to wow, which is yes. Lesbians rock.)

—My mom and I just watched Zelena, the Charmings, Regina, and Hook’s songs from the musical episode again and damn is Hook a fine singer. Once again, that bar is mighty high.

—I adore Rumple and Hook for being willing to work together. Hook pushes Rumple for the truth, gets it (which  is a big deal in itself), offers to help, and Rumple actually accepts. Once again, it shows how much he’s been changed by Belle’s death, but it’s cool anyway.

—And I love that as soon as he realized Lucy was in trouble, Rumple went into protective great-granddad mode.

—Noah Fence, but I think Drizella’s power level (before her magic was thieved) was bogus. It’s established canon *as if I ever really cared about that?* that it takes years of training to get magical people to the level of control and ability that she exhibits, apparently after a single afternoon hanging out with Regina. Baloney.

[duskwell]

mun -- 21+, they/he. call me glitch or will. i love world-building and character creation.

blog -- for my ocs, inspo, etc. things will be tagged with names. sometimes there will be nsf/uu content, blood, injuries, angst, etc.

feel free to send in asks / @ me in things. i block minors! :)

information on characters under the cut. not all my ocs are here, not by a long shot. but here's the ones i want here.

("hey, what about [story based character of mine]?" check out @daemoniumscribere ! archer is holding all that stuff on his blog for me instead. this is mostly for my standalone ocs and non-serious stories.)

FANDOM OCS.

Mykonen / Mykos - Minecraft oc, originally made for Darkwood. He/they. Formerly an overworld Guardian that was dragged into The End to seal away the Ender Dragon. After thousands of years, he finds himself in the Overworld again, knowing that it is once again in danger. Along the way, he meets a number of people he grows to care deeply for. But, will that be enough? (important other ocs: Iefyr; the son of a village elder that is magic-touched and chooses to follow Mykos on his adventure. Pelri; An allay that Mykos frees from a pillager camp.)

Captain Wren Lux - In Space with Markiplier / Markiplier cinematic universe oc. He/they. The captain of the Invincible II. A strange individual with an even stranger past and a very powerful enemy.

Nikita Melnik - Bioshock oc. He/him. A reporter and Andrew Ryan's personal lapdog. Determined to ruin Fontaine, even if it means getting his shit absolutely wrecked.

Sabriel Gavreilis / Arbor - Fallen London oc. He/him. Came to the fallen city on a holy mission after being told by a celestial being that he had to go. Ends up on a hell of an adventure and meeting his wife and best friend.

Aria LeBlanc - Fallen London oc. She/her. Has been in the fallen city awhile, was brought here against her will. Became a very powerful business woman despite that. Helps Sabriel and his future wife meet and also escape.

NON-FANDOM OCS.

Lenka Dehaven - they/he. part of a dying race of alien referred to as 'star sirens'. was being used aboard a ship as a weapon until they finally had enough and snapped, attacking the ship and causing it to crash land on a planet. Dr. Dehaven finds them among the rubble and sneaks them home, pseudo adopting them. Eventually they become a space traveller. probably.

Dr. Robert Hawk - he/him. his wife was taken away by an eldritch rip in space time, now he's gotta raise their daughter alone and deal with the fact that he's traumatized as fuck from the experience. he's also corrupted and his tachyons are all fucky.

Loreno Reyes - they/them. the voice of the apocalypse, a young adult who locks themself up in a radio tower duing the zombie apocalypse. they now keep morale up as best they can, passing comunications throughout the various camps.

Lark Smith - he/him. a hacker that used to be apart of a very dangerous collective. now he just does illegal shit on the internet and helps girls that get harassed at bars. trans.

Elijah Claude Debroux - he/him. decently high ranking demon that handles the legal side of contracts. can control hell hounds and send them after people wh try to break their contracts. southern bastard.

ITS COMPLICATED / THEY HAVE A SET STORY.

Killian Riley - 7 days to die / zombie media oc. he/him. trans. formerly studying to become an engineer, basing on robotic science. now, he's stuck in the zombie apocalypse.

777 - she/they. the M in the CMYK group of an internet collective / federation that is meant to keep the physical cyberspace safe. extremely gay for 999.

999 - she/her. trans. the C in the CMYK group. intelligence officer. Spade / Masami Ikeda - he/they. magical person oc. their world is fucked up forreal.

Diamond / Lana Belrose - she/her. magical person oc. part of spade's group.

Myde Hallita - he/him. ish. he doesnt care. teacher, dad, will infodump about stupid shit.

August Marcrum - he/they. final girl syndrome in a boy. his sister and her girlfriend fucked with his boyfriend too much, and now a whole group of friends is dead. too bad he doesnt care.

Ard Hajek - he/him. my oldest oc i love him so much. former assassin, now dad and professor.

[sunyshorewaves]

Oooh, OP your poll has sparked many thoughts. I had to actually think about it for a second, and in the end, you've got a point, it all comes down to Team Rocket and Plasma 2.0. The thing about the other teams is that they're honestly, kind of soft. In the murder department that is. They may be organizations capable of summoning or capturing Legendaries, but what kind of battle are we looking at? A Pokemon battle between grunts? Team Rocket is getting sweeped, I'm sorry. I had more trouble fighting Team Aqua in my run. Raticate with Hyperfang is a monster though.

Judging by your comment, if it's an honest FIGHT between organizations? TR has been around longer. Aether Paradise, despite it's dark side, are still just employees at a conservation center. The UBs won't help them, the protag caught them all. Magma and Aqua nearly destroy the planet, but they won't be pulling a move like that against their rival gangs. They're the only group that was remorseful and tried to help the protag too. Cyrus is still lost in the distortion world, rip. Kudos on having admins of your own, but neither of them far as I recall (having never played Sinnoh games but I haven't heard about any crimes of theirs from fandom yet asides from bombing lakes) come close to the Rocket admins, they've got a Proton for Arceus's sake. He had a whole crew of grunts armed with knives deep in a cave chopping off Slowpoke tails to sell on the black market.

Team Plasma may have Ghetsis down for murder and some mean people that stuck around with him, and actually succeeded in terrorizing Unova and freezing the place over for a bit and trying to kill the protag, but his grunts would CRY if they faced Rocket. We've actually SEEN how mean Rocket grunts can get in anime specials, in killing Marowak, in their grunt sprites carrying whips and MAYBE tasers if I'm not mis-remembering another source. Oh you've got Gene splicing tech? So do they, they created a whole ass Legendary. They held Sliph scientists hostage for research, caged up countless Pokemon in labs and casinos, took over a Radio tower with more hostages, forced evolution tech to lead to rapid Magikarp evolution into angry Gyarados, imagine if they unleashed that onto the ocean? I've seen a fic where 100 of them sunk the S.S Anne in honestly that most wild Rocket scheme I've seen to date. Oh yeah they also took the S.S Anne hostage.

There are so many implications of other shit they had involvement in, in dark Kanto war AU theories. the DANGER of Giovanni hiding his identity for years while all doing all sorts of crime bureaucratic stuff in the background, that general shady jazz of making deals with crime bosses, messing up, and getting "vanished" ok so maybe too much fic influence goes into this, but LOOK Victreebel and Golbat are such murder Pokemon. Interpol and their literal SWAT Teams that were sent to find them in the Pokemon Generations Special? the super cameras they use catch images of their agents? feels like a movie damn, these guys are legit. what's Plasma, but a wayward religious cult aiming for dictatorship? where your grunts are wishywashy and half of them leave in the sequel, while Rocket grunts are loyal to their boss? you sweet talked citizens into releasing their pokemon? they lured gullible trainers in with nugget bridge, people down on their luck in the slums of society, bullied a whole town, disrespected a grave site, pushed people down the stairs, another hostage in Mr. Fuji, threatening hostage meeting with Silph boss before bombing the first floor and escape helicopter in Origins, had suspicious history with the "good guys" in Kanto's government and big names. stole so many things. god just. fucked up crime list continues. Archer just casually discussing selling Cubone skulls when they evolve, the danger of Petrel's impersonations, Proton's anger issues + being their cruelest and scariest member, THAT is who Giovanni has chosen as TR's first line of defense, y'all getting fucked up. Ariana plays dirty (as double battle mechanics didn't exist back then, ganging up on us until Lance physically pushes her away from us bc he is also down for violence) and is just as willing to be vicious because TR is a WAY OF LIFE unlike Admins in other gangs who just grouped together with their boss for a single Legendary Pokemon purpose and changing the world, TR was built on crime. "I may have been around during the day, but now I'm doing my real job." dare I ask? all the dialogue of not going easy on children, on showing how mean adults can be, like yeesh. and of course, last but not least, TEAM RAINBOW ROCKET, cause Gio really gonna make all y'all other Team bosses his b- anyways, I probably missed stuff cause the list is extensive but you're right OP, Gio's got a gun.

anon. I love you dfhjmk,ljhgfds. I can't even add to this you've said everything I'm saving this forever

[beclynn-herondale]

Inside TMI Gang's diaries part 5 2/3

Clary: Dear diary, I ran away with Jace, mom won't be happy, but I have to save my Jace. Simon is covering for me, although that won't last long and mom may go mama bear on him, I do love him though and I'll owe him one. So far things have been weird, seeing Jace get along with Sebastian is strange and I don't like it, and Sebastian is as evil as ever, i miss Jace so much, this Jace isn't my Jace. And Sebastian doesn't trust me I know this for a fact, but I don't trust him either and you better watch your back Sebastian.

*Later*

So Jace's room is the same as it always is, so clean not a mess, everything is neat, but he isn't Jace. We went on a date, Sebastian let us cause Jace would be with me, Jace cam speak italian and hates ducks, I'll have to mention this stuff when he is my Jace again, we stole a boat but that's nothing new from what we usually do, the date was nice but I felt guilty for enjoying it, when we came back Sebastian was occupied and creepy, anyway, we had a talk when I woke up later and he is starting to confuse me, but that's what he wants. I went back to bed and got up again, also Jace can make eggs, I don't like them but can't tell him that, also I wonder if he can cook other things, need to make a list of things to ask him when he's back to normal Jace. We also read a copy of his ancestor's book.

*Later later*

Me, Jace and Sebastian, went on a mission kind of thing, Simon calls us team Evil, we fought a demon, and I actually kicked a demons butt, Sebastian took us to a kinda night club, me and Jace got high, Sebastian told me I have a dark heart and like bitch whatever. Me and Jace made out in the club and uh things kinda got outta control, I am not proud, ok, I thought I saw dead people and passed out, I woke up to Sebastian leaving and followed him, demons almost killed me and he saved me, what is he doing? I lost my ring and can't get in contact with Simon, everything is bad and maybe this is all hopeless, no, I just need coffee, sweet sweet coffee, I need a coffee high *coffee/knife/serious emoji*

Possessed Jace: Dear diary, things are good, Sebastian keeps giving me weird looks when I am with Clary though, Sebastian we are still cool though don't worry. Clary is here and it's nice, I want her to be happy and her to have whatever she wants, I am gonna be so romantic but cool about *sunglasses emoji* I am Jace Lightwood, and extremely smooth and she loves me.

*Later*

I took Clary on a date and I nailed it *sunglasses emoji* we went back home after that and I read to her and we went to sleep, after that we went on a mission, my fire goddess kicked ass, and Sebastian took us to a night club place to take care of evil stuff, me and Clary got high and we did some things at the night club. In the morning I made her eggs, I'll make her eggs all the time, Sebastian wants to discuss evil plans now.

Trapped Jace: *sharpening knives* just wait you little shit, keep looking at Clary like that and I'll stab you, I am gonna beat you up, you shall know my wrath, and I will bring it upon you. *Knife/murderous emoji*

Sebastian: Dear evil diary, what can I say, the fruit of evil is ripe, I have evil plans, I have Jace under my finger, I have Clary now too, and soon she'll understand. Jace will do anything I say and Clary will do anything for him, love truly does make one weak. And I wi burn shit. Also maybe I'll play with stuff as well. *Devil emoji*

*Later*

We got into a fight and Clary can kick ass, maybe I underestimated her a tiny little bit. We went to a night club and I talk to Meliorn and I do believe the fair folk will stand with me, and after all I do have something with the queen, and I know what you are going to say what about Jace? Well you see Jace is my backup plan he has no idea ;)

Alec: Dear diary, still sneaking around, Jace is still gone, Clary is gone now too, Jocelyn is angry and I know why she scares Jace now, Izzy and Simon are something, Idk but my big brother instincts are kicking in. Jocelyn and Izzy went to the Iron Sisters and found out there isn't a weapon to separate Jace from Sebastian, unless it is of heaven itself or something. *Shrug emoji*

*Later* so we summoned a demon, and then a greater demon, what have we become? I'll do whatever it takes to save Jace, but like when did we start summoning demons and greater demons like it's not a big deal? I think we've lost our minds, and we are also now apparently going to summon Raziel, what are we doing, but it's for Jace. Also Magnus does look good in his outfit today but there is stuff between us. When did life get so complicated? *shrug emoji*

Magnus: Dear diary, welcome back to the crazy chaotic would of Shadowhunters, I may have lost Clary, but it's not my fault she can make portals, I see an angry Jocelyn in my future. Alec is kinda weird lately but it's probably nothing, Isabelle and Jocelyn were going to the Iron Sisters to see if there is a weapon that can separate Jace and Sebastian, blondie needs to come back so all this Shadowhunter drama will calm down.

*Later*

We summoned a demon and after that we summoned the greater demon Azazel, the little shit almost told Alec who my father is, and I swear what have I gotten myself into? Oh! Also apparently we are gonna summon an Angel now, I have a feeling we'll all be dead by the end of this, it's a miracle we haven't died already, I have to do research and stuff, also Sheldon saved my cat so I am thankful for that, Isabelle and Simon have something going on, Jocelyn is gone, and I want to drink and drink, cause Magnus is done bitches. But also Alec is looking beautiful today. *throws glitter* *sunglasses emoji*

Izzy: Dear diary, Simon came to me like I asked him to, and he told me about starwars or something, I don't remember the plot exactly but I think they had something called lifesavers???? Or something, also they are apparently in space which is cool, and the good guys win. Also me and Jocelyn went to the Iron Sisters and they said I would make a good one but like bish ya girl needs her heels, idk what has gotten into me lately, but when I think about Simon I feel happy and I get this feeling and I want to spend time with him and hear him talk endlessly about starwars cause he is so passionate about it. *Confused emoji*

*Later*

We may have kinda summoned a demon, and then a greater demon, and now we may kinda be getting ready to summon an angel we are on our way to Luke's farm so yeah. . . But yeah, Simon may die and idk what to do... *Blank emoji*

Simon: Dear diary, life just doesn't seem to be letting up, first Clary ran off to do reckless shit, Jace is literally possessed by her evil Brother and is like a puppet, Jocelyn is mad I didn't stop Clary, but honestly who can stop Clary?!?! — Izzy went off to the Iron sister earlier with Jocelyn before she found out Clary was gone and apparently they can't make a weapon to separate Jace and Sebastian without killing them both, this is the part where that intense action yet hopeless music would start playing. *Nerd emoji*

*Later* I told Izzy the plot of Starwars and she listened and laughed and said it was neat, she said It was neat and even though it is so much more than neat for some reason her just listening to me talk about it made me so happy, she may become a fan *Shooketh emoji* but also we summoned a demon, and then a greater demon and now we are going to summon an angel to try and get the angel Michael's sword called glorious cause it's apparently the only weapon that will work, but I may die so rip, but also please let everything be alright but also I do have the mark of cain it's just a matter of if it works. *Worried emoji*

Church: Dear Cat diary, I come to you with the heavy weight of the most fucking done I have ever been, Jem is still hasn't come and saved me, Herondale is still possessed and honestly I am done, fire ball ran away, archer boy is off doing shit, Izzy is falling in love now too and I thought she would be the one who wouldn't like girl love drama? And Simon is probably contributing to whatever chaotic plan fire ball has. evil shit is probably off doing evil shit, where's that sweet little boy? Gone! Because an ass had to be an ass. Sorry I need to control my emotions, I just miss Jem so much, and these kids are driving me crazy, also Magnus you are contributing as well now,Jem Jem Jem pls. Anyway I am gonna go sharpen my claws and eat tuna and drown my sorrows in tuna. *Cat/tuna/murderous emoji*

Tag list: @khaleesiofalicante @chibi-tsukiko @megs-readstoomuch @spotsandclawsthings @magnus-the-maqnificent @replayfootsteps @sarcasticmalecfan @simply-ellas-stuff @my-archerboy

[sierraraeck]

Return to Normalcy (Pt.2)

BAU x OC Aundreya

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

Summary: Returning to normal has never been so hard. Just as Aundreya is starting to make amends and fit back in with the group, something gets in the way. Story twenty-two.

Category: Angsty-fluff

Warnings: Cussing. CM talk. Mentions of death and suicide as a COD. Break-ins.

Word Count: 3.9k

I stormed into my apartment and slammed the door shut. I ripped off my jacket and tossed it aside along with my bag. Then I just screamed. I screamed as loud as I could for as long as I could and then I just stood there.

There came a knock on my door and I assumed it was my neighbor Billy, some poor old lady that had the misfortune of living next to me. And not to call her a grump, but for real, she could be a pain in my ass. Especially after I’d just fought off three people during the night, and then had to deal with her glaring at me in the morning asking me to please (and I quote) ‘pull myself together or throw my childish temper tantrums somewhere else.’

I whipped open the door and yelled, “Billy, I’m sorry, but I’m really not in the mood right now for your-” I stopped mid sentence, mouth hanging open when I saw who it really was. “Aaron, I’m sorry, I just-”

His eyes went wide and he offered a small smirk, “Who’s Billy?”

“Someone you’re probably glad you aren’t,” I replied. “Come in.”

Once he did, I wanted to just up and shoot myself. Way to lie to your boss about what was going on, and then just invite him inside to the only place that could prove you were lying.

He turned to face me and I sighed, shaking my head. “Can I get you anything? Water maybe?”

He gave me a pointed look, “I’m okay, thank you.”

I tried to make light of the situation, “Well, make yourself at home, if you can find a place to do that.”

My apartment really was a disaster. The couch was the only semi-clean spot considering Spencer and I had slept on it the night before, but other than that, you had to step over and around broken wood and glass to get to where you wanted to go. I’d already learned to ignore it.

“Was that true?” Hotch asked, out of the blue.

“Was what true?”

“What you said back at the office, about the snipers?”

“Yep,” I said, popping the p. “Who did you think shot Penelope?”

“We weren’t sure,” he admitted, “We suspected one of your people, but Deen assured us that was not the case. We were then so busy getting her to the hospital and finding you that we didn’t revisit it. Dave and I talked about it, but neither could really remember everything that led up to that moment.”

“That’s understandable. I’m sure it was a lot. I mean, it was a lot for me to watch,” I confessed.

“So you were also watching us,” he stated more than asked.

“I was,” I confirmed, “I had three different angles showing different people and groups at different times.”

“How come you’ve never told us this?” he asked. His face somehow always seemed neutral, yet inviting.

It was a valid question. They couldn’t exactly do a write up of the case considering they weren’t even supposed to be on it, and on top of that worked with a group of known criminals without going through all that government red-tape bullshit, so I never talked about it. Not like anyone asked. “Wasn’t important at the time. You got me out, I got you out, end of story.”

“Clearly that’s not true,” Aaron stated, glancing around the room. I shrugged. “What is really going on?”

“If I tell you I think I fixed the problem once and for all, would you let it go?” I asked. He tensed his jaw and narrowed his eyes at me, so I relented. “People were breaking in.”

“Were?”

“That’s my hope, anyway. I think I solved the problem,” I said.

He skeptically looked at me. “The problem?”

“Yeah. The problem,” I repeated, trying not to open myself up too much for profiling. I didn’t want him finding out about Archer just so that I could lose any bit of credibility I had left with him.

“Did the problem have a name?” Aaron asked, “Maybe Howard Archer?”

Fuck. “Coincidence. Plus, I was with the girls all night at a concert.”

“And every minute can be accounted for?” he asked.

“Yes,” I confidently answered, “There was a short 20 minute period where I ran home to grab my jacket, but I’m sure you can see me on the security cameras.”

I kept waiting for him to respond, but he just kept looking at me. Scanning my facial features, body language that was changing, and things that weren’t changing. We just stood there in absolute silence, staring at each other. Is he gonna say something? Does he know? I’m sure he knows, but is he gonna turn me in? Should I say something?

Then Hotch saved me from my thoughts by moving to sit on the couch. He tilted his head which was my cue to go and sit next to him.

“You actually seemed to be doing pretty well,” he started. “You were readjusting.”

“‘Were’ being the key word,” I pointed out.

“They’ll come around.”

I scoffed in his face, “If I had a dollar for everytime someone has said that to me, I would be able to buy the BAU.”

“I’m sure, but every time it’s true,” he stated.

“How can it be?” I asked, getting slightly irritated, “If every time something goes wrong they turn on me, then I have to justify it, and then they have to ‘come around’ at what point is that not working anymore? At what point do they stop ‘coming around’ and start walking on eggshells, waiting for me to mess up?”

He expertly dodged my question, “Who says we’re waiting for you to mess us?”

“Your behavior!” I exclaimed. “If you aren’t waiting for me to screw up, then how come whenever anything goes wrong, I’m immediately the target?”

“But shouldn’t you be the target?” he calmly asked.

“Probably!” I was now shouting, “That’s the most irritating part! Is that most of the time, they’re right. I am causing problems and we have to trust each other with our lives which we clearly can’t do so I get their hesitation, but it’s not me all of the time. Like those videos, I had no choice, and while I get it, they don’t have any reason to hear me out, it still hurts knowing they actually believe I’d say those things and mean them.”

“So all of the stuff you said, every word, was a lie?”

“Correct.”

I saw the corners of his lips tilt up just slightly, “Even when you called me an emotionless robot who couldn’t care less about his team?”

“Oh no,” I teased, “that was definitely true. I’ve been looking for your charging port since I met you.”

He offered a small laugh and raised his eyebrows, “You will never find it.” It lightened the mood for a moment, but once it passed, I was back deep into my thoughts. Aaron could tell, though, always so perceptive. “If it makes you feel any better, Reid is apparently doing one hell of a job standing up for you.”

“Huh?” I gave him a confused look. “How do you know that?”

“Dave is with them right now,” Hotch held up his phone quickly, “You know, Reid has been a big proponent of yours throughout all of this, even when you were on the run after the hospital.”

“Has he?” I incredulously questioned, “He seems okay with me now, but back then? I thought he hated me, you know, shoving me up against a wall and all, asking me why I was helping.” Hotch opened his mouth but I stepped in, mocking, “Oh wait, let me guess. ‘He came around.’”

“You know what, he actually did,” Hotch answered me, more seriously than I had been. “Even when he acted like he was mad, and I’m sure he was, he seemed more hurt than anything. I know the two of you had something going on, but I didn’t realize how serious it was until you were gone.” I leaned forward, inviting him to continue. “I don’t know if you know this, I’m not actually sure Reid fully knows this, but he cares about you, a lot. More than either of you care to admit. I know you feel the same.”

“Yeah, and I’m sure Maeve does as well,” I reminded him.

“That’s an excuse.”

“Excuse me?” I wasn’t prepared for how harshly he was calling me out.

“You know it is. I’ve never seen you back down from any challenge, yet, the moment there’s even the possibility of someone else being in Reid’s life, you just, give up?” I stared at him, jaw on the floor. “Why is that?”

I knew why. I’m sure he knew why. I’m not good enough. I’ll corrupt him. I’ll poison him. He already went to prison because of me, I don’t want to be the one to completely hurt and destroy him. But I didn’t want to confess that, so I went for, “I just don’t think he’s as interested in me as you think he is. Plus, Maeve is good for him.”

“So that’s the reason?” Hotch asked, addressing my added reason. “You don’t think you are good for him?”

“And you do?” I fired back, astonished. “Look at me! Look at what I’ve gotten him into! Prison, drugs, watching me murder people in front of him, nearly getting him shot by a sniper, the nightmares he’s having from all of the trauma I’ve put him through, not to mention everything I’m sure I’m continuing to put him through!”

Hotch grabbed me by the shoulders, and until that moment, I hadn’t realized I was shaking. “Aundreya!” I partially snapped out of it, and looked him in the eyes. “You did all of that for him.”

“Sure, but if I was normal-”

“You think Reid’s normal?” Hotch kept his voice raised, “Neither of you have been normal for your entire lives.”

“Exactly! So maybe he needs normal for one, maybe he needs something low stress, low pressure, and low risk like Maeve.”

“No,” he insisted, voice strong, “He needs someone who is willing to fight for him as hard as he's willing to fight for you. I’ve seen the way he fights for you, Aundreya, and while he was working hard to find Maeve, it wasn’t anywhere near the amount of effort he put into finding you. He was broken up when he thought something happened to Maeve, but he didn’t even allow himself the time to think about that when it came to you. He was so laser focused on putting the pieces together, that he wasn’t sleeping. He was barely eating. Maeve had to come to us because it got to the point where she was genuinely concerned for his health, and I made him take a forced vacation and ordered him not to think about you. In that moment, you know who he reminded me of? You.”

My mouth was dry, and my brain was still processing everything he was telling me. All I could manage was a small, “What?”

“When he got incarcerated, you had your own evidence board in your apartment, you spent every free moment thinking about him and trying to figure out who was really behind this. You didn’t sleep, and you didn’t eat. Finally, you just went into the prison to get him out yourself, and then you actually solved his case, putting yourself in the line of fire just so that he wouldn’t be. Sure, you didn’t come to us about what you’d figured out, but you were still trying to protect him, and all of us. You took matters into your own hands, and Reid was damn near close to doing the same thing.”

I struggled to find any words that could possibly respond to learning something like that. “I-I didn’t know.”

“Of course you didn’t. You were busy doing whatever it was you were doing, but you never asked. You never even looked into it. Because you run from your problems,” he stated, his voice back to one of calm neutrality. “Stop torturing yourself. Stop running.”

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

After Hotch left, I had a lot going through my mind. I just sat on my couch, staring out at nothing, thinking about everything he had told me.

Spencer was working that hard to find me? After everything I’ve put him through, he still cares about me? He’s been standing up for me? Okay, and what the fuck did he mean that Spencer was about to take things into his own hands? How could he have-

My thoughts were cut short by the vibrating of my phone on the small coffee table. I reached for it and saw Spencer’s name at the top. Speak of the devil. “Hello?”

“Hey, Aundreya, how are you doing?” his voice sounded a little horse and definitely groggy.

“About average. Just waiting to see if anyone decides that the night is ripe for apartment raiding. How about you?”

“You shouldn’t joke about that. You could get seriously hurt,” Spencer sounded concerned, and a bit frustrated.

“If I don’t joke about it, I’ll never survive it,” I replied. “But don’t worry about me, I know how to fend them off in my non existent sleep by now, and you never answered my question. How are you?”

“I am worried about you.” I could practically hear his small pout through the phone, “That’s why I was going to invite you over.”

“Spencer, you don’t have to do that,” I assured.

“I kind of feel like I do. I don’t want you constantly having to fight those people alone,” his voice was like velvet, spreading from the phone all the way through my body.

“Don’t worry, I won’t be alone.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I mean, once they break in, I won’t be alone anymore,” I smirked.

“You’re terrible,” he feigned annoyance, but I could tell he was cracking a smile.

“But you already knew that,” I shot back.

“I did,” he sighed, “I’m serious, though. Please, come over. If not, I will drive to your apartment and wait with you.”

“No, definitely not,” I quickly responded.

“Great, so I’ll see you in about 15 minutes?” Genius bastard. Way to play off my fear of you being around when shit goes down.

I rolled my eyes, “Sure.”

When I got to his place, I didn’t even have to knock before the door swung open. He was standing in a pair of blue and black checkered pajama pants, but with his white dress shirt still on. It was unbuttoned slightly at the top, sleeves rolled up, and his tie was nowhere to be found. His hair was a bit of a mess and his feet were completely bare. I swallowed.

“Hi, come it,” he ushered me through the door.

“Hi,” I said, with a small smile on my face.

“What?” he asked, following my eyes as I scanned him up and down.

I shook my head, a cheeky smile on my face, “Just wondering what I’m interrupting.”

He gave me a sarcastic look. “Yeah, I was in the middle of changing.”

“Then by all means,” I gestured in the direction of his bedroom. He nodded, scurrying away from me while I scanned the room. It looked just like it had on that tv screen months ago, probably not a single book out of place. The curtains were open but it was dark outside, only the moonlight shining through. I quickly went over to shut them.

When I turned around, Spencer was now fully changed with an old MIT t-shirt on, watching me curiously. He looked confused and like he was about to ask me something, when I saw the lightbulb go off. “Oh, I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think-” he started.

“Don’t be,” I cut him off, “You can’t remember everything.”

“I should,” he sounded irritated with himself, “I can’t imagine walking in here and having that be the exact same angle as the one you saw when-”

“Spencer,” I sternly got his attention, “It’s okay. The problem is solved. It’s not that big a deal.”

He sighed and looked down. “It is, though.”

I walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, and it felt like the most natural thing I’d done all day. He raised his eyes to meet mine, and it was like I could see all the images flashing over his pretty eyes. “Don’t think about it. Please, when you look at me, don’t think about the things you saw, the things your mind can’t forget.”

“I’m trying,” he whispered, “I really am.”

“That’s all I ask,” I replied, forcing a smile.

“You know, if you ever want to talk about it-”

“I don’t,” I rejected, way too quickly. I could see the small amount of pain in his eyes, “But if I do, I’ll know I can come to you.”

That eased the tension a little, and he turned to walk to the kitchen. “Can I get you anything?”

“I’m okay, thank you,” I said. He returned with two bottles of water anyways and sat down in one of the small kitchen chairs, pushing one toward the opposite end. I sat across from him and took the bottle.

“You know that I was hooked on dilaudid for a while, but I never told you how I got started,” he murmured, fidgeting with the bottle cap.

“Spencer-”

“No, it’s okay. Within my first couple years at the BAU, there was a man named Tobias Hankle. He had multiple personalities, three to be exact, which is very rare. I got split up from JJ when we were searching for him, and he kidnapped me. He tied me to a chair and tortured me for what felt like months. Whenever Tobias’s personality was in control, he would give me dilaudid to help me deal with the pain. After the team came to rescue me, I stayed behind to grab the extra bottles.” At this point, he was tearing up, and his voice was quivering. I couldn’t imagine him having to go through that as a brand new agent barely into his 20s, and there was a pit in my stomach imagining him in almost the same situation I had just been in. “I became my own worst enemy. The drugs were making me angry to the point where I couldn’t even do my job properly, but I felt like I could no longer function without them. Once I ODed for the first time, I decided that it was time for me to get help. I’ve been sober for over six years now.”

“I wish you didn’t have to go through that. I’m impressed with your willpower,” I said, moving my hand to cover his.

“Impressed?”

“Yeah. When most people get hooked on drugs, to the point of ODing, they can’t stop. I’m amazing with your strength to stop and to stay clean all this time. I mean, you have a very stressful job,” I pointed out.

“That’s true, and thank you. I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone, and you can always come to me because I’m the last person who could ever judge you. I’m sure you’re tougher than I was and won’t make the same mistakes, but if you do, please talk to me. I’ll always help you,” he said, looking at me with big, watery eyes.

Without answering him, I stood up and gently pulled on the hand I was already holding toward me. He stood up and I wrapped my arms around him. We comfortably melted into the other’s embrace, entering our own safe bubble filled with warmth and compassion. When I pulled away, I assured, “I’ll always be here to help you, too.”

I tried so hard to keep my emotions at bay, but the way he looked at me pushed me over the edge. Right as the first tear slipped down my cheek, he brought his hand to my face and used his thumb to brush it away. With our arms still around each other, emotions flowing between us, he kissed me. Gently pressing his lips to mine, noses softly rubbing against each other’s, in our own infinite moment. He was so warm and so cozy that I didn’t want him to pull away when he did. I would have rather suffocated.

He scanned my eyes, and started, “I, um, I-I’m so-”

I brought my finger to his lips to stop him. “Shh. We don’t have to talk about it right now.”

He was silent for a moment before he nodded, “Okay. Do you want to maybe stay and watch something on the tv with me or…”

“I would, but I think I should get back home,” I said. Hotch’s voice came ringing back into my head. You run from your problems. Stop torturing yourself. Stop running.

But tonight was not that night. “O-oh. Are you sure it’s safe? I wouldn’t want you going home where you still have people breaking in.”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” I gave him a tight lipped smile. “Besides, I think I solved that problem.” I reluctantly moved myself out of Spencer’s arms and headed toward the door.

“Hey, Aundreya?” he asked, stopping me before I could leave.

“Yeah?”

“You don’t have to answer, but I wanted to ask. Why was I the only one without a video?”

I knew that question would come up at one point or another, either from him or another teammate. “Because you’re my weakness.”

His face scrunched up in confusion. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

Which it didn’t, thinking from his perspective. If he was my weakness, wouldn’t DeLeon start there? I explained, “He was saving the best for last. He knew I wouldn’t be able to say those things when it came to you, and if I did, he was going to leave the live feed on to make sure that I ruined our relationship. If I couldn’t say those things, he was going to shoot you and make me watch. I luckily thought of a way out of that situation before it happened.”

“So all that about ‘I’m not capable of loving’..?”

“Probably true,” I confessed with a sad, bitter laugh. “But I don’t want it to be. I’m hoping it’s not.”

“It’s not,” Spencer said, with all the confidence in the world. “You’ve been to hell and back for most everyone you’ve ever worked with and cared about. That says something, and I believe that shows you are capable of love.”

“When I’m around you, I start to believe that’s true.”

# # # # # # # # # # # # #

I returned home, feeling more relaxed than I’d ever had, even confident in my ability to get a good night's sleep without intruders. But when I opened my apartment door, on the scratched up wall opposite me, there were big red letters spelling out three words:

This isn’t over.

I grabbed my phone and quickly dialed Mateo. Before he could even greet me, I rushed, “I was wrong, it wasn’t Archer. It’s been DeLeon this whole time.”

“And you killed Archer!” he screeched, “Do you know what you’ve done?”

“I was solving a problem,” I bit back, frustrated.

“The wrong one apparently. DeLeon is going to come for you now that you’ve broken your deal.” The panic in his voice sounded like it almost matched mine.

“I know. But this time, I’ll be ready.”

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[popculturebuffet]

Star Vs: Monster Bash Review or “Holy Shit Concentrated Into An Episode”

Hello everybody! I’m Jacob Mattingly and welcome back to my tom lucitor retrospective, where I go through every major apperance of everyone’s faviorite demon boy boy. In case you watch my schedule or reguarlly read this blog, and if so thank you.. especially you Kevin your a peach, you’ll know this one got pushed back two weeks because the day it was scheduled.. was the day AFTER the US Capitol Insurgency. So yeah an episode HEAVILY dealing with racisim, with a downer ending and a lot to dig into on the same day a bunch of racists stormed the captail to try and illegally keep another racist in office due to his bullshit claims the electoin was fraud, when it wasn’t he just can’t admit he lost, and their own idocy, violence and hatred was not something I could handle that day and I did some mickey mouse instead.  But while the effects of said riot are still being felt, and unlike many republicans are saying we shouldn’t just “move on” or “try to heal” because the wound needs to be properly examined so the people who carved our country open with a rusty knife can be prosecuted for it, enough time has passed that I can get back on the horse and eat that horse when it comes to this episode. Also expect new tomtrospective weekly with some exceptions till it’s done. So with the real world reasons for the delay out of the way, on with the show.  Previously on Star Vs: Star had a full subplot dealing with her super powered mewberity form, which was now golden and creating bunches of portals. While she wanted to just let it go loose on Eclipsa’s suggestoin, eventually it caused too much damage and Hekapoo was livid when Marco revealed he’d been covering for her and Star, realizing her friend was running himself ragged and ruined a friendship to help her, went to the source of all magic to fix things, metting the baby unicorns and with thier help gaining control over her form. While she does not use it given she JUST got it before this episode, it’s very relevant and makes her come off very stupid but we’ll get to that

In more directly relevant stuff, and our main event, we need to talk about Ms. Henious. Ms. Henious was introduced all the way back in Season 1 as head of St. Olga’s School for Wayward princsesses. She’s voiced by Jessica Walter, aka Malory Archer, Lucille Bluth and .. Fran Sinclair from dinosaurs?

I’ll process that later. Point is she’s a talented lady and voiced Henious perfectly. Henious ran the school as a nightmarish hellhole that stripped away princsesses indviduality when they became too much for their parents. Granted some did genuinely need to be reigned in, Pony went there and so did princess squishy a princess that tried to reinact the plot of face off despite her and star not even being the same species let alone looking remotely similar.. she also liked to say camera phone a lot despite all phones being camera phones for over a decade. 

But again like most reform schools it’s a hell hole dedicated more to beating and psyihholically tourturing the rebel or asshole out of you than actually helping so Star and Marco broke in to break out. It naturally was difficult and strenious but in the process our heroes freed the other girls and Marco became feminsest icon Princess Marco. And Marco’s possible gender fluidity, or being trans,  was well loved and while he was later said to hate the princess marco idntenity later.. I still dont’ quite buy it and feel Disney just wanted to nip any implications in the bud. Because their stupid and often non-inclusive to the queer community and have to be fought to get inclusivity in there half the time. Could’ve been clumsy writing and the writers not getting people really relating to marco possibly being gender fluid or trans, which given this season’s clumsy writing with marco in general I could buy, but i’m banking more on disney, where one executive can somehow stonewall gay representation because apparnetly one guy was the one who objected to enchanting grom fright.. and he can also go fuck himself with an old rhino’s horn. Which horn is up to you. Also we got two major hints at the future iwth her: a creepy mural star found of monsters and Henious being revealed to have cheek marks she supressed with her very own brainwashing machine. 

Our heroes revolution had uintetional side-effects as St.O’s became a party school, though it’s students actually still came back better for the moast part. Henious was thrown out, reduced to sleeping in her car with her manservant gemini and sending Rasticore, a septarian mercinary afer star.. and then carrying his arm around when he got reduced to that.. not because of star but because of a rogue gift card. We don’t have time to unpack that, so she later tried attacking one more time in season 2, in one of the single worst episodes of the series, as she attacked and Marco’s Parents, instead of being concerned about the strange woman and man and lizard man arm attacking thier children, were more concerned about.. tehir cool neighbors. which could’ve been funny but just got frustrating, especially because Marco defended himself well, pointing out while he trashed her school, and gets merchandising rights from princess marco merch, she you know, brainwashed innocent to semi innocent children and was in general horrible and his parents are only humoring her because they were both out of hte loop, which due to this being shortly before star and marco leaves amounts to nothing, and because of the stupid plot. 

So after that we got one more apperance in season 3 with her trying to expose marco as a boy to turn the princsses against him and get her school back.. but it was clearly a desperate and flimsy plan and they knew that already, and don’t care because their accepting. And again have done better without her so she gets thrown out and swore revenge on Marco, and here we are.  Finally, since returning Star’s been more active in monster rights, replacing their old batshit insane and patronizingly racist expert with Buff Frog and starting a position to get royal signatures. Obviously this dosen’t sound like the most effective way to do things but it’s both teenager accurate and not the worst plan i’ve heard from a teenager this week.. granted that’s also because I covered a teenager trying to win back her good for not a lot 23 year old boyfriend by stabbing his current girlfriend he left her for a bunch, so it’s not exactly a high bar to clear. So outside of the golden form thing, which i’ll get to in the review proper why I brought that up, that’s what’s all built up to this the mid season finale. While Stump Day DID come after this, I chose to cover it before it since it both takes place before that and feels out of place in the very story heavy episodes after it. So with that out of the way we’ll be taking a look at the full episode and Star’s horrible, no good, very bad night under the cut. 

We open at the Monster Temple, that place Ludo and Toffee were headquartered at for season 2 and the battle of mewni mini, where Star is holding a PARTY!

This.. this came up when I typed party. I don’t know why and I don’t WANT to know. I mean party is in the name.. is that a party line? Is this phone sex? No.. just no.. I don’t want dirty sweaty pigs in my phone sex.. I want Rocko like a gentlemen. 

Now THAT’S hot. And honestly with what i’ve admitted about myself at this point, can you genuinely tell if i’m joking or not?  Point is Marco and Rich Pidgeon are pitching in. Oh yeah those of you who didn’t get this far in the series, again hi kevin, might wonder wait whose that... well he’s a rich pidgeon, part of the pidgeon kingdom a kingdom of pidgeons that moved into another family’s castle, presumibly killed them, the book wasn’t specific on that and is now just a large bunch of pidgeons that don’t talk human except rich and get all creepy. They also have an excutioner which is as great a visual as you imagine. 

That and Marco tried faking singing rich singing it by shving a pien in his foot and making him sign it.. he didn’t know he was fully sapient but still. But it’s also season 3 marco. The fact he didn’t accidently burn the castle down trying to impress star and being mad when she wasn’t happy he comitted arson is an achievement. Rich apparently holds a grudge but says just kiddng.. maybe.. i’d be prepared for a pidgeon with a machete if I were Marco. Thankfully i’m not.. I mean I hate myself enough. 

Anyways the party is in full swing, as both monsters and mewmans are there. On the mewman sides are the royals we met at the Silver Bell Ball and on the monster side are a bunch of monster teens who look up to star we previously met during the Ludo arc in season 2. Pony arrives bringing a photo booth. And kelly! 

And also Johnny Blowhole...

That dolphin what showed up a few times, including in the comic and the show, like most of it’s supporting cast, just sorta forgot. Also was going to be my porn name, just in case till it ended up attached to a fictonal teenager. Did.. did not think naming a character “blowhole” through did they? 

Anyways the party is at “middle school dance” levels of awkward with the monsters and humans on other sides. Rock seems to be getting ready for a racist tyrade and singles out a yak like monster.. only to instead compliment the guy’s ripped jeans and the two compliment each other on horns... turns out the ones Rock always wear aren’t decorative but part of him due to a boating accident. Shame we never got more of this kid. that’s a good kid I tell you what.  But honestly and since the moment is right given their all in this episode.. we never get a lot of the other royals outside of tom and star PERIOD. While Penelope would show up one last time and Larry would make a cameo for the most part their just.. background filler. Even this pettitoin arc was two episodes long. Rich is BRAND new and he gets way more focus.. and even he only gets to show up again for the big “Gondor calls for aid moment” in season 4 where star summoned whoever she could get on short notice. And is the ONLY royal to besides Ponyhead. Larry has an intresting enough design but the underwater kingdom only got featured in the deep trouble tie in comic that got cut short, and he wasn’t created yet so he doesen’t even show up for it. Jagg’s is such a footnote to the creators she dosen’t ever show up after this, and finally Rock, despite being star’s COUSIN and despite his kingdom being specifically mentioned as the hardest to make sympathetic to eclipsa during her own entirely ignored arc trying to win over the other kingdoms, and despite it being where River comes from and thus possibly providing some more insight into that awesome, awesome man.. we get nothing. Hell the Cloud Kingdom of the Ponyeheads ONLY gets two visits despite being home of one of the main cast.. god I just realized Ponyhead was part of the main cast. 

So while I grapple with that, Star figures the punch is too warm and while Marco goes to get ice, she tries to remind him she can do magic and accidently puts it in your standard cartoon ice block.. and being star gets her tounge stuck. Thankfully her savior comes in the form of tom who being.. you know.. tom.. can simply melt it down and reminds her he’s been there the whole time. She’s just been a bit distracted with you know, trying to ease centuries of racial tension in a well meaning but ultimately pointless at best and risky at worst, partay. And dosen’t seem to get WHY she dosen’t want to dance.. even if they do have a REALY fucking cute moment where he leans in to kiss her, she catches him on it.. then blows a raspberry into his mouth when he does and smooches him on the cheek a bunch. 

But the whole thing leaves him as a grumpus venting to marco and boiling the punch.. though at least Marco gets to use that ice now so silver linings and all that. And when marco tries to explain he tells him he dosen’t “talk politics”

My baby boy.. i’m so disapointed in you. And Marco points out as he leaves “your a prince everything you do is political. “. Which is.. HALF true. I mean tom going to the bathroom or eating a taco or taking his grandpa fo ra walk on his leash so he dosen’t gouge anyones eyes out isn’t political.. but he’s also not wrong that being the half demon half mewman son of two royals, DOES mean tom can come off political and one previous episode which he made a cameo in even had Tom being profiled, with a shopkeep who shoed out another monster kid tried that on tom.. only to realize who he was dealing with and beg for mercy he probably only got because Tom’s trying to be a better person now. And I don’t think i’ts even malcious on tom’s part, tom isn’t the most empathetic guy. He’s nice, he’s sweet, and once he knows you he can be really thoughtful.. but as we’ve seen throughout this retrospective.. empathy is something he’s struggled with. He stalked star because he didn’t see HER side of him creeply and obessively persuing her until Marco got through to him. He missed the point of his therapy assignment, seeing it as a goal to get passed instead of hwat brian intended: for him to geninely make amends with someone he hurt. He didn’t get that while star didn’t, at the time, want to date him ignoring her would hurt her... though that on’es not on him. He’s not a bad guy at all but he’s not at all great at reading people or being selfless.

 He’s getting there, stump day showed him put stars needs before Marco’s and not out of any selfish dick measuring contest but because he knew what she wanted and what made her happy, but it’s hard to have empathy for a problem you don’t get how bad it is. To tom it’s just getting stopped once in a while and then having to glower or literally roast someone. To these monsters... it’s a life of being denied a decent standard of living, housing and being treated as a crminal and a beast just for existing. Tom has a fancy castle, loyal subjects, tons of money.. his privlage has insulated him from the real dangers of being the minority he is, of getting beaten up by the cops or arrested just for being a monster. And yes i’m using real world paralells.. but so does the end of this episode so shhh. It’s also a moral that hits home since as a white person, the last year has hit me HARD with just how much I didn’t know about the racial situation in america and how complacient i’d become. I wasn’t actively racist.. but like many americans I had the bad tendency to forget the horrible things that happpend on a daily basis to people of color in this country when it got out of the news. Privlage can blind you, and I cannot speak for if it does so for any real life minorties as i’m not touching a subject i’m not qulaified to talk on due to being super white with a ten foot pole, but I can speak for me that sometimes you just.. dont’ notice a problem unless i’ts happening to you. And while it has happened to tom it’s such a minor inconvience he probably just forgets about it and moves on. And these next two episodes with him, though we have some plot stuff to get too before we get back to Tom in feburary, are him getting his bubble popped and realizing just WHAT Star has been fighting against. And Star’s own privlage will be an issue later.. but we’llg et to that in it’s own time.  So while Tom skulks off Rich startles Marco to get him to do his kung fun hand pose “the sword hand dance” and everyone uses it to dance which Marco understandably objects to until kelly asks him to dance. Cue adorable ship tease.. again this is why i’m thrownig in the kelco episode in the next batch: because the trajectory of this relationship eeerily lines up with tom episodes. No sense avoiding the ONE other episode about the ship , especially if i’m going out of my way to cover the Meteora arc on top of it and my other 80 projects. And regular coverage. And comissions. And you get the idea it’s a lot but i’m happy to do it. 

Meanwhile we meet Slime, a friendly slime monster who introduces himself to penelope and her massive spider bite... and then drips a bit giving her the wrong impression. Thankfully.. this does not turn into the PG-Rated versoin of BLue from the heathers musical. 

No he just was offering to aloe up her spiderbite, and she’s all too happy to accept since her family never thought about it.. though as we see next season their not against it suprisingly. They are still dicks though. But not racist, though that’s a very low bar to clear and only gives them credit because mewni as a whole is pretty racist when it comes to Monsters. Point is I hate their parents but love these ship as the two share some ship tease and go downstairs.. only to get attacked.  Meanwhile, Marco’s getting a goblin dog while being watched by Henious.. who despite Gemini’s objections.. no longer cares about her cheeks as she grins sinesterly and has him play her music, some heavy metal. FORESHADOWING!

Back at the party, Star adreses her public and is all proud and blushy.. till Penelope stumbles in, covered in scars, telling the crowd something took Slime.. and both sides start blaming one another, especially since it turns out a LOT of the monsters have gone missing. So with everything she worked towards and had achieved crumbling, Star calms the crowd and says she’ll investigate. Outside Marco is getting a goblin dog with roy, and wondering why he has strawberry, who orders a strawberry.. who wants that? And then decides to get one out of curiosity which I would but i’m also fat and love strawberries so i’m not a beacon of good decisionmaking. 

So Star grabs him before he can roll that metaphorical dice and passes tom who tries to downplay her concerns and get her to go make out, thinking that’s what’s going on despite that.. making no sense, as a ton of them are missing and 6 is a bit much for polyamory.. I mean it works for some people 

But not everyone can be a majestic space grandma whose also a caterpillar. And their too young to orgy so that’s out too. Point is Tom is an idiot this time and Star RIGHTFULLY calls him out for belitting her cause, not really caring about it, or the other teens who are in danger right now from god knows what and tells him to either help or get out of the way. 

So while Tom licks his well earned wounds, Star and Marco journey into the depths and find a campsite with fresh dog eared pages indicating whoevers behind the abudictions is not only sapient, but still here... oh and it somehow gets worse as they find out WHOSE behind it. 

And a second question you might be having: Who dis. Well this is Mina Loveberry, solarian warrior, whose a legend in Mewni and was one of star’s childhood heroes who she found wondering around homeless and clearly not mentally well in the park on earth.. and then tried to conquer it, but the electoral process stopped her... I don’t know why but a half crazed maniac being defeated by due electoral process makes me feel all warm and fuzzy right now, on this specific day this is coming out late on. Hmmmm.. INTERESTING aint it? 

Point is Mina is a super powerful, super not in her right mind super warrior, who is naturlaly the kidnapper, as this episode also reveals she’s violently racist and assuemed something was up and whiel Star, who despite said cou still loves and respects her and gets she’s not well, tries to talk her down it increasingly becomes clear there’s no reasoning with her. And really with most racists.. there isn’t. Racisim isn’t something that’s rational and while some people are just indocrinated at a young age and CAN be turned around on it.. some are just so deeply up their own ass with hatred you can’t reason with them or save them. You just have to stop them. Via impeaching them, making sure they get called out and taken out of office.. or in this case using rainbows on them.  But we’ll have to wait a second as a bunch of debris falls on mina taking her out!

.. Only to reveal Henious and while Marco’s willing to fight her and her posse, Raasticore grabs star and henious hooks him up to the brainwash machine, probably planning to kill him with it while playing the music

But before she can kill or do worse to one of our heroes.. the door behind them opens up.. and reveals a child’s play room. 

And Henious.. gives up on the attack and enters, disturbing Gemini as she looks around in what’s easily one of the best scene sin the entire series: her slow walk, the way the animation follows her as it sinks in just what Metora might be.. and her picking up two dolls, the ones seen above.. her dolls to Gemini’s increasing discomfort. And while the animation is stellar and utterly moving as we slowly put the pieces together... it’s Walter’s delivery that REALLY STUNS.Gone is the harsh, unforgiving nightmarish woman we’ve known.. and instead is someone whose confused.. and remembering. Remembering WHY she has those cheek marks, remembering this was her room, her home.. and those were her parents. She remembers now.. and Mina rises to say of course she did “I knew you’d be back here one day meteora!” And as Gemini tries to refute this.. Meteora agrees with MIna, no longer henious at last freed form her deep and abusive brainwashing we’ll cover soon enough. And deeply confused. And as everyone else is deeply confused... Mina, not realizing this whole thing was covered up, again we’ll get to that soon too, spells it out for them and the audience in case you missed it. When Star asks how Eclipsa plays into any of this? “Don’t you ding dongs know anything? She’s her mamma!”  (Marco and Star stare in shock as it sinks in) Marco: “Wait HENIOUS is a princess?!”  Star: “she’s a butterfly”

Yeah quite obviously this is one of the biggest wham episodes in the entire series. In one moment we not only find out Henious is indeed a butterflfy as fans thought.. but Eclipsa’s daughter, half monster, and her entire existance raises questions of how much her family hid and if not WHO DID. I mean some of you alreayd know the answer but the rest of you can wait a week.. or a few mintues it’s hinted at soon enough. Point is Star has questions.. questions the violent racist whose pretty messed up in the head for a variety of the reasons and spent decades hunting her.. is not willing to hear out and instead prepares to smite her. While Star tries DESPERATLEY to talk her friend out of this it’s very clear Mina’s not going to listen... so Star rainbow fists her.. and prepares to face her former friend and inspiration for Meteora’s saftey and the answers she BADLY needs right now. Oh and just in case you thought “oh well the magical girl who sounds like amy sedaris can’t be that big a threat”... Yeah I didn’t mention broly for nothing. 

Mina bulked up. Meet Solarian Mina. And like the Legendary Super Sayian form from Dragon Ball.. i’ts a beserker of a form that turns the already obessive and insane Mina.. into an unstoppable rage fuled killing machine with horrifying levels of power who can beat down anyone nearbye. And unlike Broly, where he was just a one in a million fluke in both versions... Mina was PLANNED to be this. The solarian program was something Eclipsa’s mom came up with, a series of spells that slowly turn the target into a rampaging super soldier. It’s like if Nuke from marvel comics, a vietnam era version of captain america who dind’t turn out so good, was INTETIONAL; 

As you can see it removes fear.. but also the targets concisce, so Mina is incapable of empathy or being cure dof her racisim. Solaria turned her from a humble volunteer just hoping ot help and improve her station into the crazed monster star now faces.  And as the Broly comparision should make clear... yeah Star dosen’t do so good and neither does Marco. She shrugs off Star’s hits and while botht he kids and meteora escape, both just piss Mina off MORE, and put star in more danger as she’s thrown around like a ragdoll.  She then runs into tom who shows off his growht: While he was a dick up there.. unlike before where he assumed he was always the wronged party.. he realized he crossed a line and while he dosen’t know WHY he did, is still willing to apologize and presumibly talk about it. A bit clueless yes but it’s effort and his tone is sincre so it’s less “I’m apologizing for whatever I guess” bullshit and more “I genuinely don’t know wha ti did wrong please tell me so I can say sorry”.. which given how awkard tom is with people and how I pointed out his trouble relating to them over htis retrospective, is the more beliviable one.  Naturally while Star does appricate it she’s kinda busy.. and when Tom see’s what’s going on he leaps in with NO hesitation. And given how close the luictors once were and are again with the butterflies it’s doubtful he hadn’t heard of mina so he likely KNOWS what he’s going up against..a nd dosen’t care. His girlfriend needs his help and this person’s trying to hurt her. That’s all he needs to kick her ass. Or try.. unlike with the z warriors.. our heroes don’t win this one. Tom tries a really cool move i’m dubbing the onyx coffin, a black coffin with runes and chains.. that does nothing to her. She breaks out and our heroes flee and Mina causes a massive ruckuss above, and the only reasons our heros don’t die.. is that the knights and Rhombulus of the high comission arrive.  And since the high comission are going to be vastly important a refresher: The high comission were created by glossaryck, the little man who lives in stars book who used to be voiced by an asshole and next season is voiced by keith motherfucking david, to police the multiverse and it’s various issues. The four we know are Lekmet: a goat man who died last season and controlled entropy and could heal at the cost of his own life hence the death, Hekapoo, a close assiocate of marcos who controls the scissors beings use to cross dimensions and can do so herslef effortlessly, Omnitraxus Prime, a powerful and giant antler skulled being who watches space time and timelines and is voiced by Karl Weathers so...

And Rhombulus, a diamond headed he-man reject with snakes for hands becaue his dad is a well documented dickhead.. no really that’s the entire explination i the book of spells: Glossaryck turned his hands to snake to teach him the lesson i’ts hard to get through life with snake hands. He’s a gung ho guy who imprisons the wrost of the worst criminals thus his presence here as Mina clearly had a falling out with the comission and thus flees.  So while Star and Tom are given blankets afterwords and some cocoa, Tom comforts her and admits if nothing else.. he gets it now, having been finally faced with the type of horrible shit monsters have had to deal with in the past and sees why his girlfriend tried hard to help it. But Star.. realizes she can’t fix this that easy. That she dosen’t know enough and clearly ther’es even more than she ever could’ve thought possible she has ot know if she’s going to fix this.. and that it’s not an EASY problem to fix. You really CAN’T fix racisim you can just make society better, but you’ll never be rid of people like Mina. Though this arc will.. yeah in one of the more baffling decisions Mina is given this huge reindrocution, with Amy Sedaris showing that while a very funny lady and a very talented actress as bojack had previously shown off for both.. she can be FUCKING TERRIFYING. But nope, she’s just..g one outside of a cameo, gets beatne off screen and dosen’t become big bad for a season. And I get it, the metora arc needed room.. but you had a WHOLE EXTRA EPISODE to have her defeat mina. Inastead you used it for Marco Jr which amounted to almost nothing and could’ve been saved for season 4 wher eit probably woudln’t of been terrible. I”ll get to that one some day. Point is it’s bad storytelling. 

So yeah Star’s feeling lost, her family history is in flux, she got beaten badly, not horribly injrued but still lost handily, her party ruined and  she was hit with the realization her plans were overly idealistic. Well meaning sure but a party was never going to cure this. Oh and Rhombluus naturally isn’t coming clean about why the temple is off limits or what’s going on here so that dosen’t help.  And somehow.. IT STILL GETS WORSE. The Wizard Cops try to take the monsters in , profling them and not having done so and star thankfully talks them out of it but the monster kids turn down any afterparty or anything. They get she means well tbut hte moment’s over. And their not even excesivley sad.. their just.. used to the police treating them like this. Like less than human, like automatic suspects when THEY were the victims. IT’s nothing new... and god does this feel relevant as hell.

And this i where I meant Star’s privlage bites her: While not as bad as tom, it took some very harsh reality for her to see that solving racisim.. is not only nigh imposisble but not that easy. To her it was easy as a party and friendship and what’s worked before in her fairly shelted world. Advetnures or not she’s still a princess whose never experinced prejudice. In both worlds she’s in the majority. It’s probably why Marco conttoned on to monster racism in seconds during “Menipendence Day’ when Star hadn’t her whole life: to Marco, whose latix and thus dealing with all kinds of racist shit his whole life, it was easier to pick it up. He’s firmly part of his culture.. and thus probably firmly aware of the racism he faces. Star is so insulated she just dosen’t get it till it nearly beat her to death. So yeah Star’s at her lowest point, having failed to make things better, the answer to her questions being lost and not sure what’s real. Metora on the other hand as they dodge the cops.. has ascended. As Gemini calls her henious once last time.. she says that’s not her name. 

“My name is meteora”

SHe’s been dreaming the wrong dream.. and it’s long past time she woke up. 

Final Thoughts;  Monster Bash.. is one of the best episodes in the series. Unlike a lot of Seasons 3 and 4 it dosen’t suffer from lack of proper payoff, as the next few episodes deal with how the fuck any of this is happening and why the fuck any of it happened. Mina’s absence nonwithstanding.. this is one of the series best and most gripping arcs. And the swerve is great: you think i’ts Henious doing the kindappings, only for her not to be the threat again just yet. And for her to be something far more. It’s just masterful, starting iwth fun hyjinks and ending in one of the best nad most nightmarish fights in the series if not the best, watching as our heroes slowly but surely LOOSE.. and THEN it gets worse. Out and out a must watch for the series and a sad sign of what it COULD’VE been had it moved past it’s worst insitncts next season and become what i should’ve been.  Next week: We take a tom break as Eclipsa nad Mon investigate all of this and we get the SECOND biggest wham episode in the series. 

Until the next rainbow, be excellent to each other.

[theaviskullguy]

like the lazy ass i am, instead of writing it normally have a post about my danganronpa au

Characters

Goggles Montoya- Ultimate Lucky student

Rider Clark- Ultimate Fighter

Army Vallaha-Williams- Ultimate Actor

Forge Vallaha-Williams- Ultimate Solider

Aloha Palliah- Ultimate Dancer

Diver Vauge- Ultimate Swimmer

Mask Kane- Ultimate Hacker

Skull Beryl- Ultimate Archer

Aviators Jones- Ultimate Baker

Gloves Elaris- Ultimate Gymnast

Emperor Castilo- Ultimate King

Prince Castilo- Ultimate Mage

Niki Pacer (N-Pacer)-Ultimate nurse

Eging Jr- Ultimate speedster

Vintage Auclare- Ultimate Detective

one short of a full dangan cast but shut

I’ll be doing two chapters per post, so here’s part 1!

Executions will be represented by chunks of bold text. Most of these are incredibly gruesome, so I’d advise you skip them if you’re sensitive to that stuff!!!

Also, obviously trigger warnings for blood/ink, death, 

Prologue: Rainy day mystery

It’s nothing too big, honestly. Really, there’s a gala inviting some of Inkopolis’ greatest fighters to this really swanky hotel. A rain storm comes and basically locks them in, causing the gang to have to stay the night in suites that seem to have been tailored to them specifically. The next day the rain has stopped, but everything is still locked. There’s no way in or out of the Hotel. At noon, they’re called to the ballroom and BOOM. There’s Monokuma.

Our favorite half and half bear explains that, the reason this gang in specific was invited was because all of them were prodigies in their fields other than Turf Wars/Ranked (i.e, Army is a god-tier actor, and Vintage's record for fastest case solved was 30 seconds), and from now on that would be their “Ultimate”. Monokuma also revealed that, the only way to escape the Hotel is to get away with murder. (and also the other rules)

And y’know how SDR2 had Monomi/Usami, and DR3 had the Monokubs? This edition has the Monosquids! Basically, every time someone dies, a Monosquid would be created with that person’s personality and some brief memories. In a sense, they ARE the deceased group members, in a mechanical/plush form. Also, Monokuma explains them as the souls of the dead reanimated. They appear the day after a trial, and all seem to hate Monokuma. And with the exception of the two murders that were accidents, almost all the victims hate their killer.

They also still have Ultimate labs kinda-each of their rooms, as stated before, are tailored to double as their lab. For instance, Mask’s room has a lot of tech gear, N-Pacer has a place she can study, Emperor’s just has a fucking throne...yeah.

Chapter 1- The line of Light and Darkness is thin (daily life)

As we check in on our gang in the morning, we learn multiple things. One, most-to-all contact to the outside world has been cut off; Mask can access the internet and all of that, but he can’t post on any forums or play any online games, even with his hacking. Prince can’t tap into his mental link with Regent or...really anyone. Two, that there’s plenty of weapons and other things for murder in multiple labs, and around the Hotel in general.

And three, Monokuma has a motive.

The first motive is simple; If you are to get away with murder, you can take one person with you, but they cannot be the one who the class votes in the class trial. Enticing, since multiple couples are present (Emperor and Gloves, for example), but the gang has made a collective decision to try to ignore it. Well, mostly.

This motive ate at someone, driving them absolutely mad. They COULD NOT stand being trapped in the hotel, they needed out!

So, a few mornings after the motive was introduced, Rider takes notice at the breakfast meeting that...well, someone’s missing.

The group splits up, searching the hotel top to bottom. Until, at last, a high shriek pierces the area, and a dreary announcement is played.

Ding dong, dong ding!

“A body has been discovered!”

Chapter 1- The line of Light and Darkness is thin (Deadly life)

The gang rushes to the scream. It would seem Army found the body.

Curled up in a fetal position, arm still clutched around his wound, Prince lays motionless on the floor of his room. Yellow ink stains the area, and a knife stained with the same liquid sits on the floor next to him.

Emperor is near hysterics. He doesn’t even try to hide his tears. Gloves takes him away from the scene, resolving to comfort their lover in their room during the investigation.

Speaking of investigation, Vintage steps up to the plate. Being the Ultimate Detective, he takes to the scene like a fish in water. He questions everyone, and searches through Prince’s room top to bottom.

By the time of the trial, there wasn’t a stone unturned in the hotel. It was almost...scary, how well Vintage seemed to be handling this.

During the trial, Vintage revealed three main suspects.

First, there was Aloha. The dancer had indeed got up in the middle of the night-he had been sharing a room with Army, and the actor confirmed it-to use the bathroom and get himself a drink of water. He passed by the kitchen, and thought he saw a knife on the rack missing. He got up at 11:25 P.M and returned to bed at 11:30. Once again, Army confirmed his alibi for this.

Second, was Aviators. Avi couldn’t sleep as well, so he spent most of the night walking through the hotel, exploring it. He did take a knife, but only in the case if he needed to defend himself. He had gotten out of bed at 10:50, took the knife somewhere at around 11, and returned it when he was heading back to his bed, at 5:00 AM.

And the third was Rider. Sure, the fighter was close friends with Prince, but it was still suspicious; Rider was reportedly awake at 2:00 AM, and got himself a quick snack before simply training in his room. He did hear someone return to their room at around 5:00, but didn’t go check. Looking back, he suspects it was just Avi.

So this was a game of alibis, and luck. Multiple suggestions were made; maybe Aloha took the knife and murdered Prince, washed his hands in the mage’s bathroom, and returned to bed. That was shot down, since the rooms don’t have running water at night (10:00 PM to 7:00 AM. Normal DR stuff), only the bathrooms in the hotel itself, and the kitchen.

Another was that Rider had taken the knife, but that was also shut down seeing as the period he was awake at wouldn’t line up with Aloha seeing the knife missing.

The third and final one was that Aviators had taken the knife, murdered Prince, and wait for a time when Rider wouldn’t hear him to return to his own room. This one... the only argument against it was that Rider would probably had still heard it. That counterclaim was shut down when Rider said he was taking a short rest when he heard the noise, and then went back to training-practicing hits on a punching bag. 

So, after a final vote, Aviators was voted as the blackened. Luckily correctly, but it was much to Skull’s horror. Aviators was seen as a father figure to the S5 (It made sense, with Skull being the mother figure), and he had killed Prince in cold blood. and it didn’t help that Avi said he was planning on using the motive to escape with Skull. 

And so, Aviators was dragged off to his execution. RIP big man

Ultimate delight-Ultimate Baker Aviator Jones’ execution executed.

Avi is dragged by a chain around his neck towards his death, located in...a giant oven? He’s strapped down to a cake pan, and the heat turns up.

And up...and up...and up.

Aviators is sweating bullets in the oven, strapped down to this hot pan and in a satin jacket, there’s nothing he can do except grit his teeth and bare it.

Except he can’t. 

His head is pounding and he feels incredibly dizzy. He manages to sit up a little in his restraints as he vomits.

And, it would seem, Heatstroke got him. For after a few more minutes of struggling to escape...Aviators fell still.

The first execution of the killing game was a gruesome one.

----

Chapter 2-The butterfly effect (Daily life)

The gang gathered in the dining hall again. Though, both Skull and Emperor were in grief, and everyone was still shaken up from that execution. 

This is when Monokuma introduced the Monosquids.

Two robot like things-one purple and one yellow-shaped like baby inklings-appeared. The yellow one ran and hid behind Emperor, shaking, and the purple one only hugged Skull’s leg.

Monokuma explained their deal; They can’t talk, but they are essentially the spirits of the deceased in a more robotic form. So, naturally, Emperor just hugged Prince tightly, still in grief

Monokuma also explained the next motive. This one being taken straight from DR1; Secrets!

Everyone had a slip of paper with a secret of theirs on it. If no one died in the next day, these secrets will be revealed to the world.

So yeah some people didn’t want those secrets to be revealed, but that doesn’t mean they’d kill for it!

But, well, someone did. Not on purpose, mind you.

At around noon, Vintage was exploring the hotel, he heard a gunshot. He knew the only firearms in the hotel were the ones in his room (as Vintage had a license to carry from his detective job). So, basically, he knew someone was screwed.

He rushed to his room, seen by a few people who took no notice.

It was only at dinner they noticed Vintage hadn’t left his room.

Cautiously, Emperor, Army, and Skull went to investigate. When they opened the door and their eyes rested on the sight...

Ding dong, dong ding!

A body has been discovered!!!

Chapter 2- The Butterfly effect (Deadly life)

It wasn’t AS gruesome as Prince’s death. It didn’t mean it was still scarring. There was a hole in Vintage’s forehead, cyan ink flowed out of it. In his hands, he held his gun.

Obviously, it looked like a suicide. He was holding his gun. But, Skull knew better. Despite not getting along well with Vintage, Skull knew that Vintage would never kill himself, even for something like this. Plus, there’s the lack of a note, all of that.

Upon closer examination, the group also finds freckles of some sort of white on the handle of the gun-before you say anything, it’s not drugs.

This lead to two possibilities; 1, Gloves. The gymnast has a thing of chalk dust for extra grip (not like they need it)

Or 2, Skull. He had been baking and using flour earlier that day. Some of that flour could have stuck on his hands and rubbed off after using the gun.

But, the alibis didn’t seem to help at all; Skull was alone while baking, and Gloves was just. Alone all day.

During the trial, it was back and fourth between people saying that Skull killed Vintage, or Gloves, or that it was a suicide at the dust was from something different.

The only reason the trial was solved was guilt.

Throughout the trial, one of the two suspects was looking more and more anxious, more and more guilty. 

A few minutes before the end, they yelled, “I’M THE BLACKENED!”

It was Gloves.

They explained what happened-They had found Vintage’s gun lying around somewhere and decided to return it. The thing is, they have no idea how guns work. So they accidentally triggered it. And when Vintage walked in, the same thing happened. Gloves panicked and put it in his hand.

Needless to say, Emperor broke down again. The two closest people in his life, dead or sentenced to it!

Emperor insisted it was Skull. He knew Gloves couldn’t hurt a fly and yet....!

Gloves was the blackened. But they weren’t about to go down without a fight.

They pressed a kiss on Emperor’s lips. It was a promise. It meant “I’ll see you soon”

And they raced down the hall in an attempt to get free.

Racing death- Ultimate Gymnast Gloves Elaris Execution: Executed

Gloves ran down the hallway, not stopping for anything.

Monokuma pressed a button, and pits opened up, showing falls onto spikes down below. So, Gloves got creative.

They leaped up and took hold of support beams, swinging their way across the hall.

But the last one.. The last one was weak, and broke under Gloves’ weight, sending them falling to their death

They collapsed onto the spikes, one impaling them through their stomach, sending neon green ink everywhere.

The second victim, Gloves Elaris, had fallen dead.

[is-it-madness]

My Glorious Purpose | Loki x OC Chapter 6

A/N: I’m so in love with the mood board for this story! Thank you @wowjeena​ for helping me with it and for being an amazing beta! Love you, darling! 💜😘

Pairing: Loki x OC  (Tera Digitalis)

Word Count: 3.7k+

Warnings: Touching without consent

Chapter 6: Mission

(Tera’s POV)

Three months have passed by. Tony and Pepper rebuilt Stark Tower from the inside. Tony made sure that every Avenger has their own floor if they ever happen to stay over—Nat and Clint already rearranged their rooms to suit their style. They had come back about a week after they had vanished. Everything is back to normal after Loki’s attempted invasion failed. I still have a light mark from where I was cut on my forehead, other than that, everything is great. Tony designed my room, but unlike Clint and Nat, I kept the original layout and decor. I don’t really have that many possessions to decorate with. When Fury had dropped off a backpack that contained all my stuff, Tony freaked.

“Hey! Where’s this bag from kid? It has your name on it.”

I walk over to where Tony is standing. There’s a backpack next to the elevator and sure enough, my name is on it. I pick it up and unzip it.

“Oh! This is my stuff. Fury must’ve finally had time to clear out my room on the ship,” I tell Tony.

He looks at the bag, then at me, then back down to the bag.

“So-o-o, when is he going to bring the rest of your stuff over?”

“This is all my stuff Tony,” I laugh while shaking my head.

He takes the bag from my hands.

“Hey!”

He starts to ruffle around inside.

“Wait, wait. So you’re telling me all you own is three shirts and two pairs of pants?!”

“Not true!” I retaliate.

“Oh excuse me, so rude of me to forget about your toiletries,” he says sarcastically.

“Yeah, so?” I rip my belongings out of his grasp.

“Okay. JARVIS.”

“Yes, Mr. Stark?”

“Remind me to ask Ms. Potts to take the kid shopping later.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Tony! You really don’t need to do that! I’m absolutely fine with what I have!”

“Look kid. You might be okay living like this, but I’m not. You are a teenager! You should have more shoes that you can count! Jeans, shorts, t-shirts, sweaters, dresses, pajamas!. Not some S.H.I.E.L.D. authorized uniforms! And I’m not going to keep arguing with you about this! End of discussion.”

I huff in frustration. “Fine.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I look into my huge walk-in closet that Tony had built for me. I’ve been able to fill a rack after Ms. Potts had taken me shopping. I honestly don’t mind having a few items. I’ve lived so long with so little, that I’m used to not owning as many things as most girls my age would.

I quickly change into some workout clothes we bought and head down to the training room. Nat is already down there meditating, and I join her. We sit there for about ten minutes before we start to stretch.

“You ready to continue your training?” she asks me.

I nod at her enthusiastically. She had begun to train me in karate before Loki came to Earth.

“Okay, so I decided that today, we are going to start incorporating weapons into your techniques.”

She walks to the cabinet where we store all our practice weapons, and pulls out a staff that’s roughly her height. She reaches in again and pulls out another one that is smaller by several inches and hands it to me.

“Now, when you work with a staff, you need one about your height. That makes it easier to work with. And since you’re so short, you get the smallest staff.”

“Hey! Just because I’m five inches shorter than you does NOT mean I’m short!”

It’s the whole “kid” fiasco all over again. 

Nat just laughs. “Yeah, because being 5’2” isn’t short at all. Not in the slightest.”

“Whatever. Can we just start already?”

“Okay, first, we’ll begin with learning how to do a basic spin.”

She begins spinning her staff with both her hands, then switching between hands. I begin to bounce on my heels. I can’t wait; it looks so cool. When she’s done showing off, she stands in front of me.

“Now the first thing you want to do is place your left foot in front of you and extend your left hand while holding your staff. Make sure your hand is in the middle of the staff. Good. Next place your right hand on your chest, just to move it out of your way, for the time being.”

I complied.

“Okay now follow what I do.”

She begins to turn the staff in front of her, then bringing it towards her back.

“See how I’m leading the staff with my thumb? It’s directing the staff where I want it to go.”

We practice that move for a few minutes before turning to use our right hand. After we do that, it starts to get a little tricky. Nat tells me to reverse the way I am turning my staff, so that I start with my palm downward instead of up. It takes me several tries and a few hits to my arm before I finally catch on.

“Not bad. Now let’s try incorporating both hands.”

I watch Nat do it first before I give myself any more bruises. She starts slowly, with her left hand, turning the staff in front of her. When she reaches the right side of her body, she places her right hand behind her left, and turns it back towards the left side of her. She starts speeding up and taking steps as she twirls her staff. It’s a beautifully deadly sight. I start mimicking her movement and soon we were side by side, furiously spinning our staffs in front of us, dancing around each other. Lethal, dangerous, a force to be reckoned with. And I love it.

After practicing for a few hours, I head upstairs to take a shower. Tony had built an en suite in everyone’s rooms. At first, I thought it was a bit much, but I had admittedly grown to love it. When I finish showering and changing into regular clothes, I make my way to the kitchen for food. I take out some ice cream, milk, and frozen strawberries and dump them into a blender. Nat walks in when I’m adding the bananas.

“Mmmm. Make me a cup too.”

“I don’t know if I should,” I respond teasingly. “After all, I seem to recall a certain redhead making fun of my height.”

“Please кроли!” she pouts.

“Okay, fine, fine.”

I blend the smoothie together and pour us each a cup.

We’re making small talk, when her phone buzzes. She picks it up and reads the message. She smiles and looks at me.

“What’s up Nat?”

“Clint and I have another mission tonight.”

“Another one?” I ask nonchalantly, trying to not sound whiny. You just came back from one two days ago! I think to myself.

She must’ve seen the disappointment on my face, however, because she says, “Don’t worry, it’s only for tonight.”

“Good. Otherwise I would have had to practice spinning a staff with Tony.”

Nat laughs at that. When we finish our smoothies, Nat leaves to look for Clint to fill him in on the mission they received. I head out on my own, roaming the tower. I could join Tony and Bruce in the lab, since I’ve been acting as peacemaker since we first settled in. Tony gets a kick out of trying to get Bruce to hulk out. We haven’t had an accident yet, but with Tony around, who knows when Bruce will reach the end of his tether. But I just don’t want to deal with that headache right now. After Tony had finished rebuilding the tower, and whenever Clint and Nat are gone, I go exploring. It’s unbelievable how many rooms the tower has. Lately I stopped exploring because I found a library. It’s magnificent. Rows of shelves that reach the ceiling are stacked with books. The room is circular, so that you can’t see the other end of the room when you enter, just books. It’s kinda like a maze, with all the shelves curving to fit the shape of the room. Someone else could be in here and you would never know. Thankfully Tony took my advice when building this room. He added a mini kitchen, several sofas and armchairs, and a huge fireplace, that I requested. I go to my favorite sofa and grab the book I’ve been reading. 

I read for several hours before I hear JARVIS speak to me. 

“Miss Tera, Miss Romanoff has asked me to inform you that she is looking for you. She is currently in your room.”

“Okay, thanks JARVIS.”

I jog to the elevator and head up to mine and Nat’s floor. I enter my room to see Nat wearing a black cocktail dress with red accents and black heels. Clint is there too and wearing a suit.

“Hey Nat. JARVIS said you were looking for me?”

“Yeah, why aren’t you dressed yet?!”

“For what?”

“Oh shit, did I forget to tell you? You’re coming with us on our mission.”

“Really? Seriously?”

“Yeah, c’mon, get ready. Here’s your dress,” she says, gesturing to my bed.

I take one look at it.

“Wait, what is it that I’ll be doing exactly?” I ask anxiously.

Clint answers, “Don’t worry, you’re backup. Which means you get to sit with me and let Nat do everything.”

“Well if I’m just backup, why do I need this dress?”

“Cause we're going to a party,” Nat tells me.

Nat has to force me out of my hoodie and jeans and into the dress. She threatened to make me workout with Tony. I changed real fast when she said that. When I finish, I slip into the heels that Nat set aside for me. Clint then sat me down in front of my mirror and did my makeup while Nat worked on my hair.

I’m glad when we went to the garage no one saw me in my dress. I manage to avoid everyone. Except for Nat and Clint of course. Now don’t get me wrong. I like the dress. I really like it, in fact. But I struggle with accepting my appearance, not to mention self-esteem. I don’t like anything about any of my features, my insecurities always consume my every waking minute. And this dress is a little revealing. I feel exposed in the lace sleeves, knee length skirt, and low neckline. Plus with the black and gold heels? It’s a nice outfit, just not for me. 

As we drive to the hotel, where the party is at, I admire my smokey makeup look Clint did. I never would have guessed that a skilled archer would know how to apply eye shadow.

“So what are we dealing with Nat?”

She turns to face me from the front. Next to her, driving, is Clint.

“We’re dealing with a major illegal arms dealer named James Foyer. He’s made millions selling illegal weapons to the worst kind of people imaginable.”

“I’m guessing you’re gonna flirt with him to get him to tell you who his buyers are?”

She winks. “Exactly.”

I run my hands through my long, brunette hair. “So what’s he celebrating?”

“I don’t think he needs a reason to celebrate. Just wants to show the world he’s got money—and lots of it,” Clint says.

A few minutes later, we pull up in front of a huge hotel. We step out of the Ferrari and Clint gives the keys to the valet.

“Not a scratch.”

Nat and I hold on to Clint’s arm, on either side of him.

“Earpieces in?”

“Check,” we tell him.

“Alright then Nat, off you go.”

She slips away from us and heads through the crowd, keeping an eye out for our target. Clint heads toward the stairs, and I make my way to the back of the party, smiling, keeping watch.

“Target located Nat. He’s coming out of the elevator.”

Of course Clint would see him first, looking for his prey from above.

“Heading that way now,” Nat reports back.

I turn towards the elevator, where a tall, skinny, dark haired man is exiting. He has a cigar dangling from his lips and is wearing an expensive looking suit. As soon as he steps out of the elevator, hordes of women try to come near him, to touch him, to claim him as their own. He gives each of them attention, but he grows bored of them and moves on to the next set of breasts he sees.

“Disgusting,” I want to look away, but I can’t. I’m Nat’s backup. If something happens to her, I have to jump in and take her spot. I see James’ eyes latch on to Nat and her body. I shake my head. No decent man can look at Nat without looking down every few seconds. But she takes it, she starts chatting with him, laughing flirtatiously, placing her hand on his arm. It seems to be working. I figure Nat would get him to crack in the next ten minutes. I start to notice something wrong. Foyer is getting bored of her. I’ve never seen a man become bored so quickly when Natasha Romanoff is around. He begins scanning the crowd, looking for another female to interest him, when his eyes land on me. I’m about to bolt out of the hotel, when I hear Clint.

“Wait! Stay there. Nat’s losing him, so you might have to go in. Act interested in him.”

I do as Clint says and flash a smile at Foyer. He immediately begins to make his way towards me.

Through my clenched smile, I tell Clint, “I don’t think I can do this! Nat hasn’t trained me in this yet!”

“Don’t worry Tera, you can do this. Just make him think you’re into him. Flirt. Laugh. Play dumb.”

“But Clint-”

“This is my sister Savannah. Savannah, this is Mr. James Foyer.”

“There you are Cleo!” I say to Nat. “I’ve been looking for you!” I turn to face the man. “It’s lovely to meet you Mr. Foyer.”

I extend my hand to shake, but he takes it and brings it to his lips.

“Please, call me James.”

I smile back at him, trying to restrain my look of disgust.

“Cleo, why didn’t you tell me your sister is a doll?”

Nat laughs and says, “You think every new girl you meet is a doll.”

I find myself very relieved that Nat and I came up with fake names for each other. I suddenly notice Nat tapping her thigh. It isn’t out of nervousness, rather, it’s a code—Morse code.

Not me, he wants you.

I groan internally after I decode her message. Of course the only person to ever find me attractive is a sleazeball.

Okay. I tap back. I have to do this, this is why I’m here, for backup. Also because I don’t think Clint would be able to seduce Foyer.

At my response, Nat makes up an excuse to leave, leaving me with Foyer.

“I don’t believe you two are sisters,” he says evenly.

I raise an eyebrow. KEEP CALM!

“Really?”

He takes a step closer to me and takes my face in his hand. It takes all I have to not bite his hand.

“No. You’re much more… appealing,” he says, eyes darting towards my body, lingering in places that make me want to put him in a choke hold. 

DON’T SLAP HIM, DO NOT SLAP HIM! THINK OF THE MISSION! THINK. OF. THE. MISSION.

“You’re not like other girls,” he continues. 

“How so?” I ask, in what I hope is a seductive voice, batting my lashes at him.

He drops his hand and chuckles. “As soon as I entered the room, they all threw themselves at me. You didn’t. I like women who play hard to get.” He suddenly grabs my waist and pulls me flush against him, now whispering in my ear. “Cause once I get them, they taste the sweetest,” I feel him place a soft kiss on my neck, lingering before pulling away.

I see Clint aiming his gun from the balcony and Nat pulling out her knives. They heard what he said and saw what he did. I place my arms around Foyer’s neck, making a shooing motion with my hand to tell them to stand down. I smile at the man in front of me, an idea forming.

“If we taste the sweetest, what do you taste like?”

He smiles an even larger one and leans forward, attempting to kiss me. I put a finger to his lips and a hand to his chest, holding him back. I might have to seduce him, but I refuse to let my first kiss be with this sexist.

“Why don’t we go somewhere a little more private?” I whisper, trailing my fingers down his chest, stopping at his belt.

He takes my hand and heads towards the elevator. He pushes the button for the third floor and as soon as the doors close, he tries kissing me again and again I place a finger to his lips.

“I don’t give kisses very easily, so if you want one, you must do as I say. Understand?”

He places both his hands on my waist. Never have I felt so violated in my life, but I hold back all my anger and emotions. 

I can’t back out of his iron-like grasp. He bends over to whisper into my ear again. “But you taste divine babe.” He places his lips at the base of my neck and I begin to feel him trail his tongue upward towards my jaw.

“So good,” I hear him whisper, before he catches my earlobe between his teeth, tugging gently.

Correction. NOW I have never been more violated. I grab his tie. I momentarily think about how if I choked him here and now, no one would know. Unfortunately though, we need that information from him, otherwise I would have to explain to Fury why the only man that can give us the information is dead. I quickly begin to care less about the mission and more about my own dignity, but before I can tighten the tie and choke the life out of him, the doors open to the third floor. Foyer removes his lips from my skin, takes my hand and leads me to his door. I look at the number, memorizing it for later. Foyer opens the door and pulls me inside. He tries kissing me a third time and again I stop him with a finger.

“You had your fun in the elevator,” I tell him. “Now it's my turn.”

He bits his lower lip and I see the lust in his eyes, but thankfully, he doesn’t argue.

Thank god!

I push him into a chair by the dresser, and I reach inside my clutch that I brought with me and pull out a pair of handcuffs.

I dangle them in front of him. 

“You brought cuffs with you?” he asks, unbuttoning his shirt.

I wink, “I thought I might get lucky tonight. Turns out I did.”

I cuff his hands and attach them to the chair, so not only is he cuffed, he also can’t walk around without the chair dragging with him.

I take his tie off. 

“Open.”

He opens his mouth immediately and I tie the cloth around his mouth forming a gag.

“Good. Now you wait here, and I’ll be back with a surprise for you.” I whisper in his ear, with a hand on his chest. I turn and head into the bathroom. I wink at him before closing the door.

I whip out my phone and text Nat.

Nat I got him. He’s cuffed and gagged. 

Hurry, call Fury quick. 

I only have a few minutes before he gets suspicious.

Where are you?

Third floor.

Room 394

This isn't a joke. Please hurry.

There‘s no response and it’s quiet for two minutes before I hear a loud thud. Probably Fury. I hear someone loading a gun.

“Where is she!?!”

I walk out of the bathroom.

“Hey sis,” I say.

I see Clint holding a loaded gun pointed at Foyer’s head, Nat with her widow’s bite charged up and ready to pounce, and the door laying on the ground. Yup. It was Fury.

“Alright boys, tie him up. Nice work you three. You’re done for the night, go and head on home.”

“Thanks, Director.”

“Don’t forget to turn your report into me. Otherwise I’ll put you on desk duty.”

“Yes sir,” we all say.

We turn to leave but I think of something

I walk back to Foyer. “Did you like my surprise?”

 He glares and growls through the gag.

I feign shock. “You didn’t?! Well I have some advice for you. Never touch a lady without her consent, otherwise they’ll bring hell down on you.” I smile and walk out of the room with Nat and Clint by my side.

As we walk through the lobby, S.H.I.E.L.D agents run past us, up the stairs and into the elevator. 

“You did amazing Tera. I’m so proud of you!”

I smile at the praise. “Thanks Nat.” I pause before asking, “Do you have any wipes? I feel contaminated.”

She smiles at me. “I always have some during my missions. They’re in the car. C’mon.”

When we walk out of the hotel, our Ferrari is parked right up front. We get in and Clint takes off, back towards Stark Tower. 

“Here you go.”

Nat passes me a pack of wet wipes. I immediately pull out three and begin scrubbing my hands and neck. I start telling them exactly what happened, not leaving out a single detail. I’m telling them how I was able to gag and cuff him, when Nat gets a call on her phone. She answers and puts it on speaker.

“Hey Tony. What’s up?”

“Sorry Nat, I know you guys are on your mission, but something came up.”

“Don’t worry, we finished. We’re on our way home right now.”

“Good, because I need you three here now.”

“Is that Lady Natasha?” We hear a voice ask in the background. “I wish to speak with her as well!”

The three of us look at each other.

“Tony?” I ask. “Is that Thor?”

“Lady Tera! You are in this device as well? Splendid!”

“No, wait Thor! That button hangs-”

The line goes dead. I laugh at the thought of Thor and Tony wrestling with the phone.

“I wonder why Thor is back?” Clint wonders aloud. 

Clint pulls into the garage of the tower and we make our way towards the elevator.

“At least we have another member on the team,” I say as we head up.

Part 7

[danwhobrowses]

AEW Double of Nothing 2020 - My Thoughts

Well that was a long night, it’s tough watching USA PPVs in the UK. But Double or Nothing is in the books and since I have free time I thought I’d talk about some stuff I liked and disliked I’ll have to note, I’m not a sole AEW fan, I like stuff from WWE, NJPW, Stardom, TJPW and DDT Pro too, dabbling in ROH, Impact and NWA from time to time and reminiscing fondly over the time Lucha Underground was great. But I say this because I don’t want people quickly pointing fingers at me accusing me of being a stan for AEW or WWE just because I like or dislike something they disagree with, I’m not playing bias I am literally working on impulse and sleep deprivation

Spoilers for AEW Double or Nothing 2020 obviously, watch, enjoy, look at some gifs maybe and come back here

The Buy-In:

Private Party vs Best Friends (Winner is No.1 Contender for the AEW World Tag Team Championship) Winner: Best Friends via Pinfall (Strong Zero to Marq Quen)

For a pre-show match it was fine, the Buy-In stream did start way too early and streaming and audio issues would plague both Fite and BR Live streams throughout. As for the match, it was a tad sloppy at times but it is worth reminding people that PP haven’t been wrestling in a while. And they weren’t terrible botches, just a few overexersions, people can’t be as crisp as Rey Fénix every match, especially since there’s more margin of error the more people involved in the spot there is. The match was very back and forth at times, and the highlight has to be the G9, PP (and Big Swole) had been wearing SG armbands in honor of Shad Gaspard, who tragically died in Venice Beach due to a rip current submerging him, I had been a big fan of Cryme Tyme (and PS4′s God of War which he did motion capture of Kratos for) when they were in WWE, so the nice homage of using their finisher was a nice touch. As for the result I didn’t mind either way, I had backed PP due to their ongoing BTE feud with Hangman Page, but the Best Friends have definitely been consistent enough to challenge and possibly even win the titles, it would be sensible for them to win it too since they have lingering feuds with TH2, Death Triangle, The Superbad Death Squad and Butcher and Blade.

Main Card:

Intermission build for Casino Ladder Match

It was mostly people explaining how and why they were gonna win, but I did have to make a separate mention for Jimmy Havoc, dressed to fucking drip. Man looks like a bond villain.

Casino Ladder Match (Winner is No.1 Contender for the AEW World Championship at Fyter Fest) Winner: Brian Cage An early point I wanna make, I think AEW are spying on me because I had much earlier thought up a similar idea of a ‘Bargaining Chip’ to work as a guaranteed contendership boon. If Tony Khan wants to pick my brain all he has to do is call, I still think all non-title ‘Double or Nothing’ matches should be worth 2 wins/losses in the spirit of the PPV name. I also didn’t mind the giant chip, would’ve been silly if it was regular sized. AEW has a winner with this format I think, the battle royale format was good for introducing a group of new faces, but in a more condensed format the Casino rules for a Ladder match work two ways, the early people have less opposition to win while the last people are fresh, the red ladders were a bit much for my tastes though. As for the match, it was still a bit messy but there were 9 people plus interferences to deal with, also since Fénix was pulled from the match we have to give benefit of the doubt in terms of the match narrative changing. It was an odd choice picking both members of SCU to start but we may be setting up Superbad Death Squad vs SCU tensions as well, adding Darby in the halfway mark was a good burst of energy but you really do wince with the stuff Darby ragdolls through. OC was his usual hilarious self, the low-effort reach attempts, the brief pause with Cabana. The frenetic energy of Janela resumed the pace from the comedy segment until the super heavyweights came in; I did find that Luchasaurus did prioritize a fight over the match itself, but it worked for his heavyweight mentality and after being undone by Allin’s sunset bomb, gave us the space for the final entrant. Brian Cage, I love that man he is just nonsense talented, his moveset is unique and malleable and his power is insane. What a way to debut as well, completely ripped apart a ladder, murdered Allin with a ‘F-5000′ (Props to Excalibur as always) and was running roughshot - aside from OC, who almost hilariously piggybacked a win - until most of the competitors basically flattened him under a bunch of miscellaneous objects and a giant poker chip. This gave Luchasaurus some time to have some fun as the ‘Big Man’ too, really did enjoy the Marko mini-ladder and OC channeling the Hurricane with the chokeslam attempt, I do appreciate that Best Friends and Jurassic Express still have that rivalry, also Janela’s running DVD to OC on top of the pile of miscellaneous objects was a great spot, but it was all leading up to Cage bursting out and squaring off with the Dino, more of this! There was a bit of wobbly knees but the powerbomb on the ladder with gnarly, and we are due a hoss match for Luchasaurus since his feuds with Wardlow and the Butcher fell through due to COVID. But this was Cage’s time, I thought Allin was gonna sneak it for a moment but then I remembered that Cage winning was much more story-based. The ladder spot was brutal and a bit too much for the finish but the result I am still quite happy with. Before Fénix was pulled I backed him to win because I felt that the world title picture needed some speed after the methodical match with Hager, but Cage does have the speed and the power to put on a good show, he’s a proven world champion at Impact and he has been on AEW’s radar for a long time, injury keeping him out.As much as one can complain that this was just a gratuitous spot fest there was storyline; the faction conflicts of SCU, Superbad Death Squad, Best Friends and Jurassic Express was apparent but the main story by the end was the story of Allin and Tazz, Tazz was angered by Darby’s hostile response to his offer of managing him after his loss to Cody, so he’s taken Cage under his wing to enact some payback. It’s a solid looking pairing too, using the legends as managers is something AEW does well and using Tazz as Cage’s manager with his promo skills and their physical similarities is an interesting combination.

Jungle Boy vs MJF Winner: MJF via Pinfall (Modified European Clutch) This was one of my favourite wrestling matches on the card. The back and forth between MJF and Jungle Boy had some great athleticism and technical wrestling. This can easily be a top tier feud between the two later down the line, they are like two sides of a coin. The match had great storytelling in the fact that MJF worked Jungle Boy’s arm, which allowed him to escape situations like the crossface and hold on to the final pinfall, MJF was pulling great heel works and trickery while trying to work Jungle Boy into the Salt of the Earth finisher, the knee injury fakeout was great. But Jungle Boy also rallied with the babyface resilience, the explosive anger in the face of MJF’s undermining and proved his strength. I appreciated the finish as well, MJF won clean but Jungle Boy looked excellent, and it avoided Wardlow ex Machina. MJF continues to look more and more like world champion material and I can see him stealing it from Moxley.

TNT Presentation with Mike Tyson

Okay, I don’t like the belt. I’m sorry, I know it’s unfinished due to COVID so there’s room for improvement but it just looks too simple on the main plate. It seems like every other belt AEW releases is a bit lacking. The World and Tag titles are sublime but the Women’s title is far too small and the TNT title just lacks detail, it’s also hard to not think it looks like the WWE Raw Tag Titles mixed with the 24/7 title, I have never been a big fan of plastering the name in BIG DISTRACTING LETTERS in the middle. Granted, I get why silver was used for a midcard belt, and not every title can be Big Gold, Winged Eagle, NXT UK,  IWGP or the ROH world title, but it could’ve taken more inspiration from the IC white strap, NXT NA title, AWA Southern Heavyweight or even the NJPW US title if you’re so adamant about the bright red strap. Frankly I was just disappointed that AEW presented such a weak design.

TNT Championship Tournament Final Winner: Cody via Pinfall (2 Consecutive Cross Rhodes) The finals for the match started off impressively, Archer looking like a total monster even bringing in some poor sod to decimate in front of an entertained Tyson before striking early with his finisher on Cody. Cody fought from under Archer’s offence to get some licks into his core. Sadly not all the cuts to Tyson were great, the one that’ll dominate media being the one where he was caught yawning. Before smarks jump at it, people are allowed to yawn, it’s not always a sign of boredom, given that Tyson is 53, has been hitting the gym hard and it was past 10pm, every other time they went to him he looked like he was loving the match, especially Archer’s heel intensity. The match didn’t have enough of Arn and Jake for my liking, given what was hinted at during Dynamite, I didn’t mind them being ejected especially since Arn was playing dirty too. Cody did pull out some storied offence with the Stringer Splash and Dustin’s Final Reckoning, but the ending kinda felt like the wrong result. After Jake was scared away by a Ripped Tyson from bringing his snake to the ring, Archer just became undone by Cody wriggling out of the Black Out and nailing two Cross Rhodes (third of the match) for the W. It was a bit iffy, I mean Cody has used the double Cross Rhodes to win a few matches already, so it felt like for me if Cody was to win then he’d need to pull off something extra. One Cross Rhodes made Archer kick out at one after all. Many people will use this as ‘Cody is an EVP of course he books himself as champion’ trying to liken him to Triple H or Jeff Jarrett, but while I disagreed with the result, I don’t think it’s bad that Cody wins a midcard title. He is never going to win the world title, he’s been a consistently great babyface for the company too and put MJF and Jericho over, as a wrestler you can’t have Cody not win a title ever. But that being said, I think defeat did hurt Archer, he was so in control of the match and just came undone right at the end, there was a heavy contrast to the Archer that started the match and the Archer that finished. It doesn’t mean he’s lost his aura completely, but winning the title would’ve done him more favours than it would have done Cody at this current time.

Intermission: Britt Baker Injury Update To prelude the Ford/Statlander match, there was a small bit explaining the nature of Britt Baker’s injury. It was kinda decent to still sell Britt’s gimmick by the doctor admitting that she’s being a handful, but the 6-8 week time frame is a shame, that’s only competing though, it’ll be interesting what they do with her on next Dynamite, she may get herself an enforcer too (Nyla could work, or Sadie Gibbs since she’s due a re-debut).

Penelope Ford vs Kris Statlander Winner: Kris Statlander via Pinfall (Big Bang Theory) While Penelope only had brief involvement in the Casino Ladder Match (she did have a weird space of just standing there for a bit as OC started to use 0.5% of his full power), hers and Kip’s entrance did put a smile as Kip sold the ladder match hard, as did Kris’ booping to the crowd and the joyous reactions of Nakazawa, Austin Gunn and Suge D/Pineapple Pete from it. The match itself was okay, this stage felt like a palate cleanser if anything. Ford and Kris did work pretty well, there was a nervy suicide dive where Kris’ head almost went into the barricade but we also got some great strikes, a good hurricanrana from Ford and a solid end as Kip tried to break the pin using his crutches. Ford has been lowkey great for the women’s division, her surprise win over Riho is proof of that, but Statlander was due a win. I felt like against Britt she was due a loss but now it feels like we can expand on that feud a bit, it’s good signs from AEW’s weak spot and it just needs a bit more faces - which of course is limited by COVID but I do really miss seeing Bea, Allie, Swole (who almost every heel in the crowd seemed to wanna rile up), Anna Jay, Shanna, Riho, Emi Sakura (who streamed her reactions of the show) and personal favourite Yuka Sakazaki in the ring, as well as hoping for returns from Ivelisse, Jamie Hayter, Sadie Gibbs and Awesome Kong for the Women’s Division, also maybe bring Vickie into the fold as a manager, she was a presence in the crowd.

Dustin Rhodes vs Shawn Spears Winner: Dustin Rhodes via Pinfall (Final Reckoning) Sadly this was the weakest match on the card. Started pretty well though, Spears was heeling it up a la Booker T in KOTR when Angle wasn’t cleared to compete and still demanded that they be counted out. There was also the HBK Montreal music fake-out which was pretty good, but he did wait a bit long to pull off the smile. Brandi halted the count allowing for Dustin to pull a sneak which was made great by the camera movement but from there it started to devolve into a weak spot. Comedy matches are fine, but times and place work for it, and Shawn Spears’ continued pursuit against Cody should not have been a comedy match in my opinion. I never dig the strip bit as well, there’s only so much you can suspend disbelief and Shawn being stripped to his boxers that have Tully Blanchard’s face on them is over that line.  If Dustin was to win then I wished it wasn’t this way, sadly Spears has been hit with a revolving door of gimmicks, the Chairman was good but lacked intensity, the needing a partner looked to be going somewhere until COVID limited his options (and sank Brandon’s push) and this new anti-Cody gimmick has suddenly became a joke, it’s not a good spot for him especially when he had a pretty good match with Cody in the TNT tournament. We know through MJF that he can do comedy, but the key to comedy is timing and Shawn’s character should’ve been looking towards him contending for Cody’s newfound TNT title rather than being humiliated ass-cheeks out on TV...at least Peyton has something to giggle about at home though. Pre-Match Tribute to Hana Kimura (1997-2020)

I was glad that AEW took a moment to tribute Hana’s death. After the homage to Shad in the Buy-In I was hoping that they would reference her before the women’s title match and my hopes were realised. Reading the headline of her death yesterday morning put a horrid pit in my stomach, I had always felt that Hana was one of the most talented women in Stardom, as ‘Dark Hana’ in Oedo Tai, ‘Rave Hana’ when feuding with Kagetsu, ‘Death-Hana’ when teaming with Yama and of course as the TCS leader, I easily saw her in a few years time being the face of the company, her faction was on a high, she partook in Stardom’s first ever Tokyo Dome match at Wrestle Kingdom, she had wrestled in guest entires for DDT Pro and ROH, and I also hoped to see her in an AEW ring one day (Brandi had Stardom ties after all). Her dedication to the business was palpable as she even went into a reality show to try and get more eyes on wrestling, and yet cyberbulling drove her to feel so sub-human that she likely took her own life. It was a horrible, horrible thing to read about, and I really wanted to vent this out yesterday but didn’t due to the fact that I didn’t tribute Shad’s death and didn’t want it to appear that I only cared about Hana’s death. Shad’s death was sad of course, he nobly prioritised the rescue of his son and sadly time was not on his side against the elements, it’s obviously terrible that he died and the world is poorer for his loss as well, but Hana’s death hit me harder for different reasons. For one, she was 22, 5 years younger than me, her career was bright and her smile wide, and yet anonymous sadsacks were able to torment her enough for no reason other than so they could bring a young woman down to make themselves feel better, as a person who underwent a lot of bullying at a young age - I was forced to eat dirt once in primary school - this did hit hard for me, because despite both deaths being tragic: Shad died because of the elements nobody can control, Hana died because of people, sad, despicable people and even though I never knew Hana or would’ve even been able to reach her, it sucks feeling that there was nothing we could do to help her. In conclusion, bullying sucks, and Excalibur put it aptly as many others have, it doesn’t cost a thing to be kind and if you’re struggling there’s people who’ll be there for you.

AEW Women’s Championship (No DQ or Count-Out) Nyla Rose (c) vs Hikaru Shida Winner: Hikaru Shida via Pinfall (’Three Count’ Knee Strike) Perhaps one of the best women’s matches AEW have put on, I was very looking forward to this matchup. I am not one of those people who disliked Rose winning the title, she (yes she, grow up) was a good, dominant heel and I bloody love that jumping knee strike. But I also love Shida, she’s been a consistent force in AEW, being a part of most of the Women’s Division’s best matches, also she as a person is very likeable. I have to add a note that while I’m not too familiar with Final Fantasy (Tumblr seems to think I am mind you), I did like the small Tifa Lockhart cosplay in Shida’s attire. In general the fancy entrances and attires were sadly limited by COVID, but when you did see them it did make it a little special because of its rarity. The No DQ stip was a good one, I did worry it would lead to Shida’s downfall but the storytelling revolving around Shida’s tenacity, Nyla’s brutality and the coveting of the kendo stick all really meshed together well. There were some solid spots and some proper brutal strikes. I appreciated the attention to the fact that Nyla’s arm and Shida’s leg were weakened and that came into play as they landed their big moves to a near fall. The finale though was good, following a beautiful sequence of an Avalanche Falcon Arrow and the weak-legged ‘Three Count’ at two, Shida’s resiliency proved too much for the native beast as she laid her out with a Kendo stick to the head and one more ‘Three Count’ for the eventual namesake. While Nyla’s reign was long, COVID did sadly prevent her from defending much and that was a shame, her only real defense being against Statlander, but it was the right call to pull the trigger on Shida. Like Asuka in WWE, she has been a consistent fan favourite with star aura, being No DQ also aided Nyla in saving face; Shida only won due to her Kendo strikes and out-of-ring spots, so it made her strong that it took that stipulation to bring her to her limit. I do welcome the type of storylines they’ll have to build opponents for Shida too, with Britt in recovery it gives her time before they can renew hostilities, which grants a platform for other heels to develop and challenge. Also do appreciate that the top titles were carded back-to-back, speaking of which...

AEW World Heavyweight Championship Jon Moxley (c) vs “The Exalted One” Mr. Brodie Lee Winner: Jon Moxley via KO by Submission (Rear Naked Choke) While the build to Moxley and Brodie started abrupt, one had to appreciate jumping at this matchup sooner rather than later. Both men were lacking a strong feud to go with since the Inner Circle were still involved with The Elite and SCU were being preoccupied with the TNT title. The Dark Order had gained a resurgence with the mystery of the Exalted One, and with some impressive squashes by Brodie and Preston Vance impressing as his new protegee ‘10′, things were looking decent for the faction, but this still remained a risky angle. For Brodie this would be a make or break moment for his character, he had already gotten some disdain as people compared his gimmick to a Vince McMahon caricature and questions rose on whether he was ready for this spot, if he wasn’t then the Dark Order would’ve fell to square one. But that didn’t happen. From the moment Brodie came out with his horde he exuded a brilliant amount of heel smugness, feeling as if being champion was already a certainty (I do also love how previously he had a minion carry the belt for him like a boxing entourage), the mind games already on display before the bell even rang. Moxley also looked raring to go, his usual swaying self with a bit of purpose and a lovely gold sprayed jacket as he strided to the ring, separated by a row of security to sell the animosity between the villain and the antihero. The match was very strong, a really enjoyable world title match that meshed the brawling styles of both men, the advantage going to and fro as Brodie used his power to gain advantage while Moxley used his unconventional assault - even grabbing Lee’s beard for a headbutt - and the outside of the ring with a lovely Paradigm Shift through the ramp that brought some believable (in the context of the spot) colour to Brodie’s face. The finish increased the pace in brilliant fashion as Brodie shockingly kicked out of the Paradigm Shift at one, from there Moxley looked desperately to put Brodie away before he could rally, hammering at the head wound before cleverly bringing Brodie down with a Rear Naked Choke. I was surprised a lot of people didn’t like that finish, it kept Brodie strong that he didn’t tap out and a rear naked choke is a great finish, it has legitimacy since it ends many UFC fights, it was smart as well because Brodie was bleeding, so on top of blood loss making him light-headed Moxley cut off his blood flow to his head to knock him out. You also have to appreciate this incorporation to Moxley’s moveset, adding submission means there’s a new way he can win and it comes from the MMA background of Hager, like the Gotch Piledriver adopted from Minoru Suzuki (and I have to say Kaze ni Nare whenever I see him do it), seeing Moxley adapt his moveset is a nice little tidbit that helps Moxley feel more studied in his experiences. Also side bar, god bless Leva Bates. In the past two matches she kept in-character and rescued a laptop from destruction. Her wrestling does need a bit of fine tuning but her character work is undeniably great. Overall, like Jungle Boy vs MJF, it did help the match not to have interference, it was two people decking each other to see who’s best and Moxley proved himself more ferocious. Brodie showed himself as a main event quality wrestler who looked good with the title on, pushing through assault multiple times to only be eked into defeat (unlike Archer). Hopefully his story furthers in either respecting that even he must strengthen or lashing out because of his weakness.

Stadium Stampede Match Winner: The Elite, ‘Broken’ Matt Hardy & ‘Hangman’ Adam Page via Pinfall (One-Winged Angel on Sammy Guevara) Well, that was surely something. Not to be outdone by MITB, the storied rivalry of The fractured Elite, Hangman and Matt Hardy against the Inner Circle went hilariously wild and creative with the Stadium Stampede and I loved every single second of it. I’ll try to remember everything in the match to praise so here goes; the Inner Circle’s entrance like an NFL team was great fun, would’ve liked them to jump out of a paper symbol of the Inner Circle but it didn’t take away from the entertainment value. The Elite started without Hangman as they charged at the IC to meet in the middle, some fighting in the ring and some out. Hangman won the entrance game though by ominously strolling on horseback as Sammy Guevara quickly read between the lines and bolted, only to have shaken off Hangman to return for a missed shooting star press on Matt and then a very nearly uncaught one out of the ring too. Not to be outdone, Matt Jackson - broken ribs and all - pulled off a crisp moonsault off the goal post of the stadium while the Bucks tussled with ‘Le Sex Gods’, Santana and Ortiz tussled with Omega and Hardy and Hager went to search for Hangman, who had since dismounted after locating the lobby bar. Kenny had a rough double powerbomb table spot which was quickly cut to replay in order to mask either Santana and/or Ortiz losing his footing on the table and fell off it, but the cut allowed that moment to be skipped as the tag team focused on Hardy. Broken Brilliance would ensue as the team would try to drown Matt in a swimming pool(!?) that happened to be a pool of reincarnation, surfacing Team Extreme ‘Classic Matt’ and then ‘V1 Matt’ with graphics of ‘MATTer of Fact’ that Santana and Ortiz hilariously acknowledged with confusion, all the while an underwater cam would film Matt still happily doing his Team Extreme/V1 hand gestures while drowning. Damascus resurfaced from the pool to deal with the duo, sending both through a table, immobilizing Ortiz by ringing a bell with his head inside and taping him to a ‘chair of wheels’ and then getting his own back by locking Santana in an ice box. I will have to say, while this was great fun with Matt, I do worry a little for Santana and Ortiz. The former LAX were one of the best tag teams in the world leaving Impact and I had hoped they’d take the tag titles in this feud, but they’ve been kept from it like the Bucks have, between the Lucha Bros, SCU, Best Friends and rumours of FTR, the pool does have a lot of strong teams and it’s easy to get lost in the fold. But back to the action, Hager finds Hangman enjoying a whiskey, after a brief ceasefire to drink the bar brawl hits the right notes of great western tropes, including cue stick strikes, Hager dragging Hangman across the bar stand and table spots. Hager looked really strong here, taking on Page and the arriving Omega before being sent wobbly by multiple bottles of bubbly to the head, followed by a V-Trigger and a Buckshot Lariat over the bar as Kenny platformed for Page’s flip, a nice resolution as the tag team get on the same page, sharing a whiskey and a milk. Stories returned to the stadium as the Bucks and Jericho had their own mixture of creative spots and comedy; Matt did a ‘100 yard’ chain of Northern Lights Suplexes onto Guevara while Jericho demanded a VAR replay on a 2 count from Aubrey Edwards (I love how involved Aubrey gets as well), Le Champion also sent Nick through a Jaguars jaguar head’s mouth and did a Judas Effect on the team mascot while Matt was penalized after his touchdown dance referencing Alan Wright, leading to the ref being Superkicked. The Bucks then were able to isolate Jericho and lay him out with Nick doing a bonkers splash through a table starting from the steps of the stadium all the way down to the field, added insult to injury following as Hangman drove over Jericho with a chalk liner But the star of the match had to be Guevara. That kid is a literal star, his expressions and delusion is so on point as well, Spanish gods bless him and his 1000+ lives. After recovering from the 100 yard suplex run, he collapsed onto sprinklers which turned on, his mindset loopy as he started celebrating thinking he won, his face slowly dropping perfectly as the return of the Golf Kart gave him flashbacks of a past death of his in the Tag Street Fight on a previous Dynamite. Sammy was a little wiser and faster though, escaping into the seats out of the Kart’s reach, he slowly ended up being cornered by Matt and Kenny as the Bucks and Hangman watched below, Guevara fended off Matt, but was distracted by Vanguard-1′s reincarnation, NEO-1, for Kenny to daze him. The finish coming as Kenny One-Winged Angel’d Sammy off the ramp to a crash mat below at an incredible height, Aubrey needing to climb a ladder to count the win. Afterwards, the Elite celebrated with Matt and Hangman, hinting that Hangman has reconciled with the Elite as graphics appeared again on the stadium, closing out the PPV. Fantastically bonkers match, but once again this match had a great story in the terms of how the Inner Circle lost. For weeks, the IC ended consecutive Dynamites with the advantage due to their masterful use of the numbers game, but in the Stadium Stampede they are defeated because they split ranks, together they were strong but alone they were broken down, it’s only when the likes of Hager, Jericho and Guevara were isolated did the Inner Circle begin to lose the tide. There was also the recurring elements of the Icebox, Matt’s Broken character, Nick’s prior injury by the IC, Kenny bringing the broom and Hangman’s Cowboy Shit and strained relationship with Kenny and the Bucks, not to mention the many deaths and PTSD of Sammy Guevara. Say what you will about the Elite favouring spots, but you cannot deny that even in this Inner Circle feud, they have made stars out of Guevara and Hangman, it isn’t just self-indulgence. I will say though, I was surprised not to see FTR make a jump, we already had the IC and Elite have graphics on the Stadium so I hoped that the final one would be FTR, but maybe they’re saving it, after all, Blood and Guts is still waiting to be used.

Final Thoughts Outside of the matches itself it was unique that foley crowd sounds were added in to add to immersion, if it weren’t the Empty Arena era of course it would be a down but under the circumstances it made the PPV feel bigger having at least some white noise. The roster as a crowd continues to be good as we saw various personnel react but not steal any spotlight. We do have to appreciate that AEW acknowledges some shortcomings such as the TNT title’s unfinished model and the injuries to Fénix and Baker. Production issues should not have persisted as long as they have, and while it may not all be AEW’s fault due to COVID and the alternate streaming services they must be aware that this will continue to be treated as a blemish, unfortunately whatever AEW does will be compared to WWE - like the Women’s and TNT title have or the respective pushes to select wrestlers. While the current wrestlers are doing well and Dark is providing a platform for local talent - some like Jay, Suge D, Vance and Angels capturing the eye of AEW - it’s worth not forgetting the roster still there; Janela, Kiss, Swole, Avalon, Leva, and practically anyone in the crowd of shows should be able to compete right? All of personnel are tested for COVID so I do appreciate the attention to safety but from a fan’s perspective you do hope that talent get proper exposure. I will also say that I think we’re reaching a threshold of ‘Legends managers’ for the singles men’s roster, we’re fine for now but you don’t want to overdo it. But, overall Double or Nothing was a solid and enjoyable show, had some fun moments and strong matches. While I found the Archer finish and the Spears match disagreeable, it wasn’t too much of a down to ruin the show, the highs still outweighed the lows and there was still a good amount of variety, decent pacing due to good card positioning and nothing overstayed its welcome. We’ve got intriguing directions now too as we build to Fyter Fest; a feud between Moxley and Cage, Cody and the TNT title, fallout for Brodie and Archer’s losses, Best Friends in the tag title hunt, Britt Baker on promo and new champion Shida waiting for us in anticipation of the next show.

[counterforced]

Anon asked:  ▲ top 5 kinks and why

    “W H A T  T H E   F U C K   I S   T H I S   B U L L S H I T !?!”

He was taken aback by such a question and they were even audacious enough to ask him WHY he enjoyed the kinks he mentioned!

                 “I have no idea, I died a virgin-ARGH!!! BITCH!!!!” 

He really couldn’t lie and until he started telling the truth, it’d feel like the own swords in his body were rending his insides apart!  It wouldn’t kill him either, just torture him relentlessly until he broke! While it was tempting to just do a projection that use up all his mana and thus “kill him”, he knew how inconvenient it would be to summon him again. Which meant he had to answer...

“Fine but I’ll tell you to go directly to hell after this!” He wasn’t going let them have what they want without a fight though! He was embarrassed but no way in hell he was going to let that be obvious!

#5: Primal (Hunter)

“I get really heated up when the dynamic is like a hunter and his prey. The more difficult the prey is to catch, the more fun it is to devour them. Bonus if they can create the tension of a hunter dealing with prey that could easily kill them with one mistake. That’s the type of experience that gets the blood flowing and gets me off you ass!”

#4: Shibari

“Kinbaku or Shibari was fun to learn and made sex even more intense and enjoyable for me when alive. Having them bound and looks so aesthetically wonderful while erotic at the same time drives me wild. Man the stories I could tell of teaching the joys of this kink to people!” 

Yes he was staring at them with the MOST shamelessly predatory look. He was internally dying inside but nobody needed to know that. 

#3:  Dominance

“While I don’t hate the idea of someone using my body to get off, I prefer to be the one fucking over getting fucked. I enjoy myself the most when I can do what I WANT to them, to claim every hole offered to me and to reduce them with a withering moaning pile. I relish hearing them begging and moan, telling me to keep going and not to stop, becoming undone when edge them to show who is in charge of the pleasure here.”

Good, so far none of his kinks bubbled to the surface that he couldn’t keep some composure on, granted at this point he probably sounded like a twisted pervert at this point. Good, that meant they’ll leave him alone right?

#2: Daddy

-and just like that all his composure fell apart. His cheeks were now flushed and he had to cover his face form embarrassment at his next kink. Why did he have to admit this and then say WHY he liked it? Rank E luck, that’s why!

“While getting called Master was hot, it gave me war flashbacks. Getting called Daddy but cute girls was a weakness of mine when alive. The fact it combines things I enjoy, dominance and care taking, just made it all the more enticing to me because of natural it felt. The ones I indulged in this kink with didn’t have to be monogamous with me, which just made it all better because I wasn’t looking to have a bond where I was responsible for someone for a long time. Many subs I played daddy for wanted to keep in contact, telling me I was the one of the best they ever had and enjoyed. I didn’t get to enjoy this more in life cause of how short my life actually was but I enjoyed every minute of being someone’s daddy (dom).”

#1: Exhibitionism

Since at this point he a revealed a twisted perv who couldn’t even own his perversion properly, he was a broken man at this point. Should I have just traced Excalibur to kill himself! Well now since he ruined, might as well go out with style!

“I like it when people look at me lustfully. I enjoyed plenty of times being watched on the beach or even a few times when I fucked someone in public. The possibility of getting caught along with the thought of someone captivated by watching me fuck is the biggest turn on for me. I like to show off because I KNOW I have stuff to show. Hell, I might have been able to be career as a pornstar if I wasn’t too busy saving people from humanity's messes. I’m such a twisted fuck when it comes to this, it doesn’t matter if I’m walked in on mid fuck, I’ll just get more into the act. Either join, watch or get out. There. Happy now?”

                       RIP any dignity EMIYA (Archer) had left....

send ▲ plus a question your muse has always wanted to ask mine, and my muse w

[attackonari]

The Hunt (GilHaku)

I creeped within the dense foliage of Chaldea’s gardens. The Casters of the place have come together and made it as a place of relaxation and to grow herbs needed for their potions or whatever else. Right now there was no relaxation in the gardens. This is a jungle and there are an infestation of enemies. Right now, we are hunting.

Spotting movement on the bonsai terrace I took aim at a shade of green that should have, to normal eyes blended into the environment but unfortunately for it, I was too used to spotting this shade among many things. Taking aim, I pulled the trigger and watched my bullet fly. 

SPLAT!

“AH! I’ve been shot!”

I took no heed to the soft androgynous voice on the communications line and took two more shots. 

SPLAT! SPLAT!

“No!”

“CLAYBAE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED. PLEASE RETURN TO THE GARDEN ENTRANCE.”

“...”

“FUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Bullseye. Knowing that others may have possibly spotted me based on the trajectory of the bullets alone, I army crawled through the dense foliage and went to bury myself under the large roots of one of Scathach’s Ash Trees. Laying my rifle down for a moment, I lift my goggles to wipe my eyes of the sweat gathered there. I have to be careful. He can be anywhere. 

“DAMN IT! DAMN YOU YOU STUPID KING!”

Ishtar?

“PRETTY GODDESS OF VENUS HAS BEEN ELIMINATED. PLEASE RETURN TO THE GARDEN ENTRANCE.”

“ARRRGGH! THIS IS STUPID!”

Do they not understand the concept of stealth? Either way, I’ll win. I have to or I’ll have to put on that Magi☆Kuni idol stuff on. It was fun at first, but Gilgamesh is getting a little out of hand with it. Hearing noises coming from the brush in front of me, I see long white hair and hear a voice complaining. 

“Why oh why do I have to participate in this? I’m not meant for actual combat. What’s wrong with feeding my addiction? And why are some of these servants so intense? Ahhh, an Iced Hazelnut Mocha Macchiato right about now.

SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT!

“W-WHA-”

“MEMEMAGE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED. PLEASE RETURN TO THE GARDEN ENTRANCE.”

“KYAAHHHHH!”

That wasn’t far from me.

“FUAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“GILGAMESH YOU-”

“QUEEN DEATH HAS BEEN ELIMINATED. PLEASE RETURN TO THE GARDEN ENTRANCE.”

“But...I wanted to win…”

“ONLY TWO COMBANTANTS REMAIN.”

So, just he and I remain. My dignity rides upon this fight. No more idoling. Magi☆Kuni ends here!

I run to a copse of trees and lift up the camouflage I prepared earlier. I’m pulling out all the stops. I climbed one of the hunter roosts I had one of the Cús make me. Each one covered in a camouflage of leaves from their respective trees to hide them even more. I lay myself down and make sure my rifle is covered, I can’t give anything away. Now to wait. 

“HAKUNO!!”

Gilgamesh can be terribly easy to read sometimes. 

“COME OUT HAKUNO!”

Well, Archer can be. Caster, despite being arrogant, does use his head. Archer likes to let people get mad and overpower them completely or just overpower them. So no, sorry Archer, I won’t let you make me mad. I’ll wait you out. If you start destroying the Garden, the Casters will take their revenge on you. Probably turn you into a goose or something. 

“HAKUNO, YOU KNOW I’LL WIN THIS! HAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“UURUGGHHH KISHINAMI YOU AVERAGE IDIOT MAKE HIM REGRET THIS CHALLENGE!”

Feeling that love of your Ishtar, really…

“HAHA! A USELESS THING LIKE YOU SHOULD NOT SPEAK OF REGRETS! YOU WEAR THEM SO WELL!”

“KISHINAMI RIP HIM TO PIECES!”

Why are their voices projecting so well? What happened to our comms? Deep silent breaths Hakuno. Concentrate on finding some flash of gold. Putting a target on his own head. Let’s see how well this works for you O’ King of Heroes. I wait and let my eyes survey the area around me. 

“Hakuno~”

There. I take aim and fire.

SPLAT!

“WHAT!”

I quickly drop off the roost and move back into the dense foliage. Running low and using the trees as covers I climb atop another roost. I’ve watched all those shooting games you’ve played Archer. Maybe you should have paid more attention to them then to trolling kids with foul sentences. 

“HAKUNO!”

So loud. 

So Golden.

So hit.

SPLAT!

“HAKUNO!”

Down and up to another roost. 

“ALRIGHT KISHINAMI THAT’S HOW IT IS! MAKE THAT KING PAY! MAKE HIM KNEEL!”

Getting a little into it there Ishtar. 

“I-ISHTAR! CALM DOWN!”

“I REFUSE! HE SHOT MY PRECIOUS BODY!”

“P-PRECIOUS!? YOU SHOULD HAVE PUT ON THE ARMOR!”

These two, really? Right now?

SPLAT!

Dammit!

I jump down and head for the trees. A splat hits the tree right by my head!

“FUAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAKUNO I’VE INDULGED YOU ENOUGH! NOW LOSE!”

Stay silent Hakuno. This is all to get into your head. Another splat on another tree. I dive into the river that runs through here and head for the bridge. I’ll use the maintenance tunnel, get to the other side of the garden. From there I can snipe him. 

“HAKUNO! RETURN YOURSELF IN MY SIGHTS AT ONCE!”

He only has one hit on me. I just need one more on him. Emerging from the tunnel I run to the bonsai terrace. If being around an Archer that isn’t Gilgamesh has taught me anything, it’s that a bird’s eye view is important. Especially when someone wears a GOLDEN HELMET!

SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT!

Click.

Aww.

“HAKUNO HOW DARE YOU!”

“G0LD3NK1NGOFALL HAS BEEN ELIMINATED. SINNABUN1 HAS WON THE GAME. PLEASE RETURN TO THE GARDEN ENTRANCE.”

With a sigh I trek to the entrance. When I reached the entrance I’m stuffed into a chest of body armor and green hair curtains around me.

“Hakuno, you won!”

“Yeah…”

“HAKUNO!”

“AH, sweet Hakuno, my dearest BunBun, you’ve made me sad..”

“MOVE OVER FLOWER IDIOT! KISHINAMI YOU AVERAGE-”

“HAKUNO! HOW DARE YOU SHOOT AT YOUR KING!”

“You lost,” I looked at Archer, “so I don’t have to dress up as Magi☆Kuni.”

“Heh, Hakuno, do you believe our deal would be so simple,” Archer smirked.

“...”

Yes. 

“Hakuno,” Enkidu began, “you don’t have to dress as Magi☆Kuni for Archer, but Caster and Kid Gilgamesh can still pester you for it.” 

No.

No.

I felt an arm around my waist and I was pulled close to a smirking face.

“Try again...BunBun.”

Damn it.