#BASIC ROCK FORMING PROCESSES

[nohoperadio]

That cool bee book I was talking about a while ago mostly refrains from philosophical digressions (which I think is a strength, I appreciated how the author had total confidence that just clearly presenting the facts about his subject would be enough to make a fascinating book without the need for any "...and here's why that should blow your mind" editorializing, and he's totally right), but there was one towards the end I've found myself thinking about a lot, which is: he wants people to stop using "self-consciousness" (i.e. the concept exemplified by the mirror test but used implicitly or explicitly in tons of other contexts) as a criterion for which animals can be considered sentient/morally relevant/having significant inner lives/however you want to describe it. Not, as you might expect, because he thinks it's an unreasonably high bar to meet, but because it's such a low bar that it produces no distinctions: he argues that basically any animal with any kind of developed central nervous system has to have some kind of self-consciousness almost by definition.

The example I remember best is: imagine you can see an object in your visual field getting closer to you. No matter the specifics, it's obviously always going to make a huge difference to how you evaluate this situation whether the cause of the object getting closer is a] the object is moving towards you, or b] you are moving towards the object. If a, then something might be pursuing you or falling on you or a thousand other things that are just not even worth considering in the case of b. But visually the two cases are indistinguishable; if you're going to be able to track the difference, your brain has to be putting at least some work into keeping tabs on what your own intentions are and what choices you're making as you move through the world, predicting the expected consequences of those choices, and maintaining a fairly tidy mental separation between stuff in the world that you're making happen and stuff in the world that's just happening of its own volition. Otherwise, every time you walk towards a rock you'll freak out and think the rock is rolling into you, or vice versa.

And it's not hard to see how this applies to your entire sensory world right, it applies to sounds and tactile sensations and even feelings internal to your body to some extent, if you're going to both perceive the world and take actions in the world then it's mandatory to mentally separate yourself and the world before that's going to yield even an ounce of helpful information, you just can't function successfully on the most basic level if you're processing stuff that you're doing on the same level as stuff that's happening, if you're in that state then you simply don't have a usable model of the world at all, you just have chaos.

So you can very easily eliminate a certain seductive narrative about the evolution of consciousness, which starts with very primitive animals who are mentally processing nothing but basic sensory inputs, then as you rise up the chain more complex animals are forming concepts of objects and building up a more nuanced understanding of the world, until finally you approach humans and the mind becomes so subtle and sophisticated that it gains access to this special advanced meta-level of thought where it can even understand itself! No, the self is precisely the one idea that has to be in place from the very beginning, before any of it has even the most rudimentary practical value. Self-consciousness isn't the pinnacle of the mind's evolution, it's one of the lowest, most basic foundations that everything else builds off of.

I think this is really cool stuff! I don't know enough about the relevant academic philosophy of mind debates to say how far all this does or doesn't speak to that, maybe someone will tell me the "self-consciousness" concept being attacked here is a strawman somehow, I don't know. But it's definitely impacted the way I (just a dumb guy who likes creatures) think about our small small cousins and what their lives might be like and I think it's super interesting. If you think it's interesting too then maybe you wanna buy The Mind of a Bee by Lars Chittka and read it. It's mostly not about this stuff, as I say it's light on philosophy and heavy on bee-life immersion, but if you actually read this whole post then you're probably in the market for that I feel like.

[hannieehaee]

18+ / mdi

content: pantysniffer!mingyu (sorry), pussy drunk mingyu, he's basically just a depraved perv, roommate!mingyu, friends to lovers(?), oral (f receiving), smut, f reader, penetrative sex, etc.

part 2

wc: 1752

masterlist

'this isnt like him' was the lie mingyu told himself to justify his current endeavor. although he was ashamed of his current state, he had finally hit rock bottom, but that was not something he could admit to himself nor anyone else while also retaining whatever was left of his dignity.

there he was, in his roommate's room as you showered, crouched over your laundry hamper in search of a special something to aid him as he relieved himself of the frustration you had been causing him ever since you moved in a few weeks ago.

after some altercations with your former tenant, your best friend vernon (also known as mingyu's current roommate) had offered you the extra room in his an mingyu's apartment. the room wonwoo had graciously given up in order to move in with his girlfriend two months prior.

now, mingyu had no issue with you. quite the opposite, actually! he had immediately taken a liking to you as soon as youd been introduced by vernon, even befriending you in the process. you, however, despite being his new friend/pretty roommate, were still the source of many of mingyu's problems.

it had first began with the summer heat rising just as you moved in, causing you to wear sinfully short shorts around the house. turning up the ac did not help matters either, as he could not only now see your pretty legs but also the outline of your nipples through your tank tops. and although mingyu was a respectful man, at the end of the day, he was still just a man.

then came what broke the camel's back. mingyu knew that his niceness would one day be his downfall. if he'd known where it'd land him, he never wouldve offered to throw your laundry in with his as you came home from work one day, visibly exhausted at a full day of work under the summer heat.

as he separated the whites, mingyu had felt the soft touch of silk, instantly dreading what his hands had landed over before even having to take a look at it. he knew he shouldve ignored it and just thrown it in with the rest of the clothes, but your name was calling him. the frustration you had caused him since your arrival was beginning to cloud his mind, and without thinking, he was showing the white lace in his face, breathing deeply into it. the laundry took longer to get done that day, as he found himself occupied by more pressing manners before he could finally get to it.

he didnt mean for this to become a habit, except that it ended up becoming exactly that. mingyu might've been a pervert (something he did not want to admit), but he was also a smart man. he would always wait for you to either leave home or head to one of your long showers before sneaking into your room and digging through your dirty clothes, always sighing in relief at finding a brand new used pair of panties to steal away for the next hour. he'd sneak past vernon back into his room and play with himself with the aid of your scent on his nose, imagining what it would be like to have the real thing pressed up against his face, whining as he shoved his tongue inside you.

mingyu, despite thinking himself to be smart and discreet and not a pervert!, was, as previously stated, just a man. which meant doom would eventually find him. unfortunately for him, that day was today. although he was a calculated man, he did not prepare himself for the unexpected, which took form in you barging into his room right before you actually stepped into your awaiting shower to ask if he had extra shampoo, since you had run out. your sentence was never able to leave your mouth, though, as you stopped in your tracks at the sight of your baby pink panties in the hands of your new roommate.

'g-gyu?'

startled, mingyu jumped immediately, making a very stupid bad attempt at covering his dick with the small fabric of your panties. 'WAIT. its not-it's not what you think!', eyes frantically staring at you, heart going a mile per minute.

'is that .. mingyu? are those my panties? what ..'

'it's .. i .. fuck. i'm SO sorry. i cant- i swear its not as bad as it looks. it was an accident, i-' he went on like this for a good minute, stuttering half-thought out excuses that wouldnt hold up in court, much less to the owner of the panties.

you hated to admit it, but the depravity of the act had you throbbing in an embarrassing amount of time.

you'd noticed the occasional absence of your panties, chalking it up to you misplacing them or simply not keeping track of their location at all times (i mean, they were just panties to you), but you never wouldve imagined that the gigantic hunk of your roommate wouldve been stealing them away just to catch a whiff of your scent behind your back. you were beyond embarrassed at the thought, but the space between your thighs burned like crazy at knowing how badly mingyu mustve wanted you.

you turned around, terrifying mingyu at the thought of you marching out of his room to go tell everyone about his perverted actions. you surprised him when you simply locked the door, stepping further into the room until you were sitting almost on his lap, only thing separating you being your thin robe.

'mingyu .. have you been stealing my underwear?', you reached over slowly to put your hand atop his, which was located above his throbbing dick, panties in a tight grip.

'i-i didnt, i-' you cut him off, pressing yourself closer to him, lifting your free hand to his chin in order to make him look into your eyes.

'needed me that bad, baby? you couldve just told me. there was no need to go around sniffing my panties like a little perv', there was both lust and mockery behind your tone, making mingyu's mind cloud even more.

'n-not a pervert. just wa-wanted you, i swear', you had taken his hand away from covering his penis, now softly rubbing him with your own, causing him to close his eyes and let out a breath of relief.

'do you want the real thing, baby? wanna feel what you've been missing? taste it?'

that alone broke mingyu's resolve. now that he knew you wanted him too, he could no longer hold back from taking what he'd craved all these weeks.

moments later you were laying face up, six foot man at the foot of the bed whining against your cunt. his sounds of pleasure were making you dizzy, hearing the frantic way he ground his hips against the mattress, seeking relief from the effects of your cunt on his tongue.

he ate you out to completion, exhausting you after just one orgasm, but he wasnt finished. immediately after, he flipped you over, placing you on your hands and knees above the bed, once more shoving his face into your cunt, muttering something about 'want it from behind, baby, taste so fucking good'.

he continued to moan and groan against your cunt, with you pushing your ass against his face and forcing his head closer to you with your hand. you were completely gone on the pleasure, crying out his name, praying to god vernon wasnt home to hear your embarrassing moans.

'wanted you so bad. made me go crazy parading yourself around me like that, thinking i could hold back'.

'wanted to pound you into the mattress the moment i saw you. you're so pretty, fuck'.

'pretty cunt smells so good. tastes even better. all mine now, right, baby?'

the depravity of his words against your cunt drove you to your end once again, falling limp on his bed once he separated himself from you.

'baby, we're not done yet', chuckled mingyu as he turned you around once more. 'need you to take my cock, okay, pretty? need that cunt wrapped around me'.

he entered you quickly after that, folding you like a pretzel in order to bury himself as deep as possible in you. 'fuck .. god baby, you've been keeping this pretty pussy from me. fucking dangling it in my face, knowing id snap and fuck you.' he groaned, lowering his face to your chest, tonguing along your nipples.

there were no thoughts in your mind. you were left with no ability to respond with anything other than loud whines of his name and cries for more.

''m gonna fuck you every day now, baby. gonna keep you in bed next to me every morning n give it to you. you dont know how much ive wanted you. shit. now you're mine to play with whenever i want, isnt that right? dont need your panties now that i have the real thing. n fuck its so warm n pretty too.' he rambled, steadily increasing the pace and force of his thrusts as he neared his climax.

yours arrived before his, the sporadical tightness of your cunt triggering his as he threw his head back with a loud cry of your name. careful not to let himself fall on top of you, he got up in search for wipes to clean you up with, soon after laying you down comfortably in his bed.

a few minutes of silence went by as he held your spent form. it took you a minute or so to catch your breath and gain your ability to speak properly again. 'sorry for taking your underwear without telling you ..' he said bashfully. a striking contrast from a few moments ago.

you giggled at his pout. 'its fine mingyu, its kind of embarrassing but .. it was kinda hot', you felt heat rise to your cheeks. his eyes perked up at that, a smirk replacing the pout on his face.

'oh? god, youre even more of a pervert, oh my god', he playfully laughed in your face.

'me?! you stole my panties, you degenerate!', you slapped bis shoulder in a force that he could only call delicate.

'but YOU wanted me to, didnt you? you little perv. it's okay baby, i'm a perv for you too. next time just give me your panties, baby.'

there was no winning with him, but it was fine. you could now both indulge each other in your depravity for one another, probably driving vernon crazy as his two roommates became an item.

a/n: not proofread

[mrsaltieri-real]

Like a Virgin pt3 (Virgin!Ethan Landry x Fem!AFAB!Reader)

Warnings/s: 18+, smut, p in v, langauge, riding, first time, degradation, established degradation kink, premature ejaculation, praise kink, oral, (fem receiving) squirting, face fucking, (Ethan’s a needy, greedy little fucker whose found a love in eating pussy)dom!reader, basically pure filth, brief mention of Richie’s death and his father snapping, etc

Length: 2.5k

Here’s the third and final part of this little series. I had a lot of fun writing this part. A. Lot. Probably the smuttiest thing I’ve ever fucking wrote and I had a lot of fun with it. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thank you again for this request, anon!

Read part 1 HERE

Read part 2 HERE

Ethan couldn’t believe this was really happening. The last few years of his life were filled with nothing but pain and carnage. The grieving of his brother, his father snapping after the fact…

He knew why he was here, in the apartment you shared with Tara, Sam and unbeknownst to them, his sister. But in this moment, gazing up at your gorgeous face in awe as you gently rolled your hips across his slowly swelling cock, the feeling of your soft hands resting on his shoulders with your fingernails lightly digging into his creamy skin, all of that abandoned his mind completely. He just wanted to focus on you.

He felt anxious as he lifted his trembling hands to hesitantly rest them on your hips, feeling the tight arousal begin to slowly build up inside of him for the second time tonight. A small part of his brain was surprised that he was able to get hard again as his cock began to swell. Maybe you just had this kind of effect on him.

He’d wanted you for as long as he’d known you, craved you even. He’d been completely oblivious to the lingering looks and lustful gazes you had in turn been sending his way these last couple of weeks, although you had of course noticed his. Ethan was a lot of things but subtle was absolutely not one of them.

The feeling of your increasingly wet pussy sliding over him was already becoming almost too much for him to handle. You watched as his expression turned into one of pure concentration as his blunt fingernails dug into the soft skin of your hips and you let out a small laugh.

“You can’t cum just yet, you know? I’m not even fucking you.”

“I know.” He huffed a little, his voice strained. “It just feels really good.”

You smiled down at him, one hand moving from his chest as you lifted your hips, reaching between the two of you to grasp his cock in your hand, slowly guiding it to the entrance of your soaked hole. He let out a small whimper as he felt his tip gently rest just inside of you and your hand moved back to his chest, still hovering just above him.

“You ready?” You asked softly.

He wanted to move so badly, feel you envelop him entirely, squeezing and milking him. He had to stop himself, a sheen of sweat from the unbridled concentration beginning to form on his forehead and chest.

“Yes! Yes, just… please?” He spoke softly, utterly beautiful and almost already a complete mess.

“Please what?”

“Please take me.” He blurted out, unable to disguise his desperate need “Please take me.”

For some reason, him saying this made you let out a small groan, looking down at him with a deep want as you slowly, deliberately rolled your hips, sighing at the satisfying stretch as he slowly began to fill you. You watched his face all the while, his eyes fluttering and starting to roll back as his hands gripped your hips even tighter.

You are a dominating person, especially when it comes to sex. But this was Ethan’s first time and honestly, you didn’t want to overwhelm him. Not just yet, anyway. As you adjusted to him, you rocked your hips, sinking down onto him completely and making him let out a small, surprised gasp in the process as he felt your heat completely cover him

“Fuck,” you moaned gently, leaning back on top of him so he could see his cock buried inside of you.

Ethan’s eyes were now set on the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen; him completely engulfed by you. He stared, mouth slack as you began to grind and roll your hips, watching as his dick slid inside of your cunt with hungry eyes. “How’s it- fuck. How’s it feel?“ you asked, looking down at him with a small smirk.

“Oh- oh my god.” He was so sweetly hypnotised at the sight before him, feeling every part of your hot, wet cunt with his dick. It was almost too much.

“Look at me.” You demanded, leaning forward again to grip his hair between your fingers so he was forced to look at your face. As you did so, he felt your hard nipples graze over his and he shivered a little. “Tell me how it feels.”

“I- I can’t explain.” He gasped quickly, tensing up as he felt you very deliberately squeeze around him.

“Be a good boy and try. You’re my good boy, aren’t you Ethan?” Your face was inches away from his, one hand still gripping his hair and the other slowly moved between you and started circling your clit gently, applying the pressure that would make you squeeze him in just the way you knew he’d love. He let out a loud whimper at your praise and the tight, warm feeling, brown eyes huge and desperate.

“Yes, yes I’m your good boy, I promise.” He whispered shakily.

“Then tell me-“ another sharp grind of your ass made him almost begin to sob there and then. “- how it fucking feels.”

“Feels fucking amazing. You’re so tight. Squeezing me. I can’t- fuck-“ his voice was shaking and trailed off and you watched as his eyes screwed up and his hips thrust up into you, making you gasp and let out a surprised moan as he brushed that little spot deep inside of you with his tip. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have moved, I’m sorry, I just- god, I just-“ he began apologising, fast and rambling with his voice rising and falling with every collapse of your hips as he opened his eyes and tears from the stimulation began to spill down his cheeks. You let out a breathless laugh, moving to place your hand over his mouth.

“It’s okay, baby. You want me to stop?“

His voice was loud but muffled as he practically yelled, “No, no, please no!” from behind your hand, his desperation for you only turning you on even more.

“Look at you.” You almost scoffed a little, moving your hands from his mouth to wipe the pathetic tears that stained his cheeks. “You’re fucking crying? So needy, so pathetic.” You laughed down at him, sighing as your head fell back whilst you continued to bounce on top of him, clenching and unclenching your pussy with every fall. Some part of Ethan was surprised he enjoyed you calling him pathetic, the words only making him throb inside of you desperately.

You felt him twitch, laughing to yourself breathlessly and shaking your head at him. “You’re not to fucking cum, not yet. Understand?“ the pathetic whimper that fell from him as he looked up at you pleadingly was endearing as fuck and it made the feeling of your impending orgasm loom even closer.

“Understand?” You said again, more firmly this time and he bobbed his head a little, the series of broken whimpers still falling from his plump lips. “You’re not cumming until I do.” You told him. “Now, I want you to match me, okay?” He blinked a little, streaming eyes falling down to watch how you rolled your hips and he let out a soft huff as he, much more tentatively this time, bucked his hips up as yours came down. He felt proud of the intense moans that came out of you and he continued to thrust into you, feeling himself press into something hard that resulted in you letting out a loud, almost pornograpgic groan, feeling yourself clench around him even harder, your fingers still desperately rubbing at your clit. This ended up being the result of him uncontrollably beginning to twitch inside of you.

“Oh god… oh GOD.” His head fell back into the pillow as he began to unload inside of you, a series of downright delicious whimpers and moans falling out of him as he coated your walls. He trembled as a loud sob escaped his lips at the feeling of your cunt milking him, writhing as his hips stuttered and his eyes rolled back into his head.

“Oh, I’m sorry? Did I say you could cum?” You asked him. In all honesty, you weren’t at all mad. Seeing him like this, his curls sticking to his forehead from the sweat and his face twisted and him crying in pleasure was all the satisfaction you needed.

“I’m sorry.” He said in a small, slurred voice, his chest heaving as he gradually stopped twitching and writhing from under you, his cock slowly began to soften inside of you and throbbing dully. He suddenly blinked, realising what he’d done. “Oh.. you didn’t.. oh, fuck.” He felt angry at himself for not obeying you, not making you cum with his cock, but that was somewhat filtered out by the intense pleasure he was also feeling from his first time being that damn good.

“It’s alright, honey. Next time.” You lightly patted his cheek before climbing off of him and standing up, hearing him wince as his raw cock slid out of your dripping hole.

“No, no.” You could hear the frown in his voice and you turned down to face him, seeing him practically scramble across the bed to fall to his knees in front of you.

“What are you-“

“Let me?” He asked, eyes pleading as they flickered up to your face and to your leaking cunt, marvelling as he saw his cum spilling out of you. “Please let me?”

“I don’t know..” you sighed, raising an eyebrow down at him. “You didn’t listen to me when I told you not to cum. Why should I let you do this when you clearly want it so badly?”

“Please?” He begged again, eyes incapable of looking at anything else other than your pussy. “I can apologise better this way. Let me?”

You couldn’t help but smile down at him fondly.

“So fucking desperate, aren’t you? Wanting to eat your cum out of me and get me off.” He licked his lips a little, waiting almost impatiently for you to give him the go ahead.

“Fine then, get me off.”

He didn’t need anything more. His mouth latched eagerly to your swollen clit, almost making you fall backward. You gripped his shoulder for balance as he eagerly licked and sucked at your clit, cradling it between his soft lips. “Fuck, baby.” You sighed, lifting your leg and resting it over his shoulder so you could rest your hands in his hair, pushing his face against your cunt. His hands slid up your legs to grip your ass, holding him as close to you as possible as his tongue moved from your clit to delve into your hole that was stuffed with his cum. He moaned against you, tasting the mixture of both of your arousal on his tongue as he hungrily curled his tongue inside of you, looking up at your face to ensure it was okay.

“Mmm- fuckkkkk.” You moaned out, head falling back. Now he was past the shy, awkward stage and was now intensely eager and more confident in eating you out, the feeling was almost indescribable. His tongue was soft and velvety as you rocked your hips on his face yet again, his nose softly bumping against your clit. “Fucking filthy boy.” You murmured, fingers twisting in his hair as your head fell forward to look down at him. “Eating me so good, aren’t you baby? Making me feel fucking amazing.” He huffed eagerly against your cunt at your praise, moaning loudly against you as you began to grind your hips faster. “Use your fingers and rub my clit.” You instructed, feeling the coil inside of you close to snapping.

He moved his hand from your ass to do just that, his fingers sloppily running over your swollen bundle of nerves. This tipped you over the edge, your fingers yanking at his hair as you panted and moaned, uncontrollably grinding your pussy all over his face. He tried to keep up with the movements, not wanting to miss out on even a drop of your sweet juices as you let out a sound not even you had heard before and began twitching and writhing above him. Your sudden unexpected movements startled him a little and he began to move back from your pussy, eyes almost alarmed.

“Don’t stop, don’t you fucking dare stop.” You almost shouted, grabbing the back of his head and forcing his face back to your quivering cunt. He obliged, attaching his lips to your clit once again and sucking nice and hard, humming softly against you and sending vibrations through your core.

“Oh, fuck baby, fuck yes.” You cried out, legs trembling as you not only came practically sobbing Ethan’s name as you rode and fucked his pretty face, but did something that had never happened before. You weren’t sure if it was because he was genuinely good, or the fact it was the knowledge that the guy hungrily sucking at your clit was Ethan, but something inside you snapped and you began squirting against his mouth as your whole body convulsed, a series of loud and unfiltered cries of pure ecstasy falling through your lips.

Ethan greedily lapped up your spraying juices, eyes still wide in surprise as he felt and swallowed how much came out of you.

You were shaking and still twitching as Ethan finished licking happily until you were clean and finished, smiling proudly in front of you as your leg dropped from his shoulder and you stumbled a little to sit on your bed.

“Jesus.” You sighed out, body still trembling uncontrollably.

“Are you okay?” His proud expression suddenly switched up to concern as he shuffled closer to you on his knees, resting a large hand on your shaking knee. “Oh, god did I hurt you? Was I not supposed to-“

“Shh, baby.” You said softly, smiling weakly and resting a shaky hand on his cheek. He leaned into it happily, his eyes closing at your touch. “I’m fine. I’ve just… never cum like that before.”

“Really?” He looked almost smug and you let out a small breathless laugh.

“Yeah, really. Don’t look like that.” You scolded him playfully before falling back onto your bed, trying to steady your breathing.

You felt the bed dip and then watched him as he laid down next to you, looking at your face all the while. You chuckled a little, lifting your hand to gently wipe your leftover arousal and his dried up tears from his chin and cheeks.

“Are you okay? This being your first time and all?”

“Oh, are you kidding?” The smile that broke across his face was infectious. “That was..wow. I don’t even think I can explain it.” His eyes were still huge and wild, glinting in the dim light. You rolled over so you were on your stomach, leaning over him to kiss him gently on his swollen lips. “You’re a good teacher.” He said as you pulled away a little to look at him.

“You’re a good student. Very obedient.” Your tone was approving and it made him grin happily.

“I liked doing what you told me.” He admitted almost shyly. “And I liked other stuff too.”

“What other stuff?” You pressed him, suddenly curious.

“Like when you uh…” he trailed off, shaking his head a little. “No, it doesn’t matter.”

“Come on,” you cupped his cheek in your hand, pulling his face back to look at you. “I’m not gonna judge you, what did you like?”

Ethan sighed a little. He couldn’t say no to you anymore, it just wasn’t possible.

“When you said I was… needy.” He spoke in a small hesitant voice. “… and pathetic.”

You raised your eyebrows at him a little, feeling oddly charmed by his little confession. “You liked that, hm?”

He nodded shyly, eyes still looking into yours. “More than I thought I would.”

“Well,” you said thoughtfully. “Maybe next time we can see what else you like.”

[reyrapidsbutgayer]

Ranking All Elden Ring Bosses by Fuckability

It was only a matter of time until I made a post like this.

In this hypothetical all of the bosses can be reasonably communicated with and are not actively trying to kill you.

Repeat bosses not included, duo bosses counted seperate.

It should also be assumed that all of these bosses have access to their magic/items/resources to benefit them in bed.

Explanation of Grading system:

Ineligible: (Cannot give consent)

These characters are not sentient enough to communicate consent, or are physically incapable of sex.

Unfuckable: (Can give consent, but does not DESERVE sex)

Character sucks so badly that they do not deserve to experience pleasure in any shape or form.

Uninterested: (Can give consent, does not WANT sex)

These character are fully capable of sex but would never participate in sex due to lack of interest or overabundance of moral convictions.

Not worth it: (Can give consent, is terrible in bed)

I mean, you COULD have sex with these characters but why would you?

Acceptable: (Can give consent, would be fine in bed)

These characters are average in bed, nothing crazy or noticeable. Some might end up in this category because they ARE good at sex, but the entire process would be inconvenient or uncomfortable to initiate.

Good Time: (Can give consent, would be great in bed)

These characters are good at sex, give or take a few points depending on their mood or situation.

Knock your socks off: (Can give consent, would be amazing in bed)

These characters excel in giving pleasure and would be well worth the time and effort involved.

Sex God: (Can give consent, would be the best in bed)

These characters would be so good at sex that all other factors are irrelevant. They are serving and we are here for it.

Evil Sex God: (Can give consent, is a terrible person but you’d make an exception.)

These are characters that should fall lower in the rankings, but their sexual prowess supersedes their inherent awfulness to a noteworthy degree.

Full list below the read more. Obviously it's not going to be sfw.

Ineligible: (Cannot give consent)

Dragonkin Soldier:

Mindless beast

Astel, Naturalborn of the Void

Weird rock alien, doesn't/can't understand.

Fia's Champions:

Ghosts, simps.

Regal Ancestor Spirit

Animal

Erdtree Avatar

A plant

Great Wyrm Theodorix

Mindless beast.

Ulcerated Tree Spirit

A plant, no junk

Tibia Mariner:

Skeleton

Red Wolf of the Champion:

Animal.

Full-Grown Fallingstar Beast

Weird rock alien, doesn't/can't understand.

Abductor Virgin

First off, just some snakes in a robot. Second, virgin.

Erdtree Burial Watchdog

Stone gargoyle

Crystalians

Non-organic

Mad Pumpkin Heads

Unable to consent due to madness.

Cemetery Shade

Unable to consent due to mind controlling parasite.

Spirit-Caller Snail

Animal

Runebear

Animal

Miranda the Blighted Bloom

A plant

Guardian Golem

Stone gargoyle

Starscourge Radahn:

Unable to consent due to madness

Unfuckable: (Can give consent, but does not DESERVE sex)

Elden Beast:

Too catholic.

Sir Gideon Ofnir, the All-Knowing:

Dick game weak - unironically posts joker memes.

Omenkiller:

Basically a cop.

Necromancer Garris:

Killed his family, not a good husband.

Royal Revenant:

Won't stop screaming (in an unsexy way)

Godrick the Grafted:

Incel - Also all that murder and torture business but mostly the Incel stuff.

Uninterested: (Can give consent, does not WANT sex)

Valiant Gargoyle:

Could probably have sex if it wanted to, but is kinda going through a lot right now. Ya know, that whole "Is made of several corpses mashed together" thing.

Malenia, Blade of Miquella:

Look, I ALSO wanted her to higher up on this list, but let's be honest here. Her body is rotting and falling apart, she just isn't up for sex in her current form. In her prime? She'd be top of the list. She's the daughter of Marika and Radagon, she'd be playing fuck/marry/kill with every warrior who crossed her path. (in that order)

Death Rite Bird:

I think it might be physically capable of sex, but is too busy burning corpses to bother with stuff like that.

Black Blade Kindred:

Same reason as the Valiant Gargoyle but you might have like 2% more of a chance because they are goth.

Maliketh, the Black Blade:

Would normally be a sex god, but is too religious. Probably took a vow about this sort of thing.

Morgott, the Omen King:

You kidding me? This guy has the same energy as a repressed youth pastor. He's gonna be a virgin till the day he dies. The dude sided with the same religious order that locked him a sewer and tried to kill him. He's not out there getting phone numbers he's too busy praying and judging others for their 'impure thoughts'.

Draconic Tree Sentinel:

Married to his job, also physically chained to his horse. He ain't taking off that armor anytime soon.

Wormface:

Too sad, leave him alone his face is full of worms.

Tree Sentinel:

Same as the Draconic Tree Sentinel but he's a tiny bit more naive so you might have a better chance.

Elder Dragon Greyoll:

Too sleepy, but still kinda a milf.

Grafted Scion:

There might be some genitals in there somewhere but I don't think they know how or even want to use them.

Not worth it: (Can give consent, is terrible in bed)

Esgar, Priest of Blood:

No sense of hygiene, is always covered in blood (in an unsexy way)

Mohg, Lord of Blood:

This loser is dripping with all the least sexy bodily fluids and he has sharp horns sticking out of him. Even if you got him in bed you'd only enjoy like 5% of it. Plus you just know he'd be all needy afterwards and try to get you to join his MLM.

Borealis the Freezing Fog:

Too cold, not a snuggler.

Elemer of the Briar:

The armor stays ON during sex.

Kindred of Rot:

It's like all the worst possible aspects of alien biology, it won't be nearly as fun as you hoped.

Sanguine Noble:

Same as all the other Mohg followers, too sticky and too smelly.

Decaying Ekzykes:

He's sick right now, leave him alone.

Acceptable: (Can give consent, would be fine in bed)

Loretta, Knight of the Haligtree:

I'm sure she'd be a decent lover. Maybe a little overzealous but she'd has good intentions.

Grave Warden Duelist:

I mean these guys are hot and probably fuck like a truck but they are not the most caring lovers, also they are covered in live snakes so there is that.

Night's Cavalry:

If you like goth knights I'm sure they'd be fine.

Onyx Lord:

Their skin probably feels like stone, but I bet they can pull off all sorts of freaky zero-g sex stuff if you ask them.

Alabaster Lord:

Same as the Onyx Lord but slightly more goth.

Fell Twins:

Once you get past the horns and stuff I bet the Omens are actually pretty good in bed, just watch out.

Demi-Human Queens:

I feel like all Demi-humans are pretty good lovers but their biology probably has some unexpected drawbacks.

Stonedigger Troll:

If you can get past the texture and the size I bet they could be decent in bed.

Flying Dragon Greyll:

A surprisingly unsexy dragon, but a dragon is a dragon and still worth at least a one night stand.

Glintstone Dragon Adula:

A dragon willing to kill racist magic users, earns them a few extra points.

Beastman of Farum Azula:

On one hand the Beastmen probably have crazy mating skills, but they are also zombies, which detracts some points for all the decay.

Battlemage Hugues:

Contrary to popular belief, Wizards are not very good at sex. They spend all their time studying instead of partying, at least Hugues is willing to get his hands dirty.

Commander O'Neil:

Seems like a decent guy, but probably won't shut up about his time in the military. Also he is infected with scarlet rot so that might be a mood killer.

Bloodhound Knight Darriwil:

The bloodhound knights are probably pretty wild in bed if you can earn their loyalty, but good luck with that.

Adan, Thief of Fire:

The dude committed heresy, that has to earn him some sexy points.

Soldier of Godrick:

He's a good boy, he's doing his job so throw him a bone.

Flying Dragon Agheel:

One of the first dragons you encounter, so he earns some points for style.

Demi-Human Chief:

Same as the queens, but probably a bit rougher in bed.

Good Time: (Can give consent, would be great in bed)

Lichdragon Fortissax:

A much sexier dragon, you know they were hooking up with Godwin. Only loses some points for all the death rot.

Crucible Knight Siluria:

A bit gloomy, but I bet the crucible knights can do all sorts of freaky stuff with their animal body parts.

Mimic Tear:

A slippery liquid shapeshifter, need I say more?

Commander Niall:

A way better guy than O'Niel, plus he just a bit more daddy energy.

Fire Giant:

Once you get past his size, his sadness and the giant fell god of destruction in his chest, I bet he's got something going on.

Ancient Hero of Zamor:

Gives me Hercules/Amazonian vibes, I could be into it.

Cleanrot Knight:

Lesbian activities detected.

Crucible Knight:

These guys have tails, horns, wings and big old throat sacks. Imagine the possibilities.

Glintstone Dragon Smarag:

Has a sword. If you hear "Dragon holding a sword" and your pants aren't already off, we can't be friends.

Bols, Carian Knight:

He seems like a good boy.

Scaly Misbegotten:

I feel like the Misbegotten have some really interesting possibilities with their animal biology. I bet they have bonobo type societies and that could be fun.

Leonine Misbegotten:

Same as the other Misbegotten.

Misbegotten Warrior:

Same as the other Misbegotten.

Knock your socks off: (Can give consent, would be amazing in bed)

Crucible Knight Ordovis:

Has all the desirable traits of a Crucible Knight but I also imagine they are super into threesomes.

Perfumer Tricia:

She seems really nice, and would be a super attentive lover. Plus she probably has access to crazy drugs and could hook you up.

Nox Swordstress & Nox Priest:

You just know that the Nox were getting up to crazy hot and crazy unethical experiments in their underground cities. These two probably get up to some wild shit and they are inviting you to join them.

Rennala, Queen of the Full Moon:

As she is now, I bet she'd be too sad to really be in a relationship again. But she kept up with Radagon and you just know she has some tricks up her sleeves that could make you abandon the golden order.

Sex God: (Can give consent, would be the best in bed)

Dragonlord Placidusax:

Has two male heads and three female heads, imagine...

Ancient Dragon Lansseax:

Formed a whole freaky dragon/human cult and you just know they got into some eyes-wide-shut orgies behind those doors.

Godfrey, First Elden Lord (Hoarah Loux):

We all knew he'd be this high on the list. He was just a normal dude but he managed to keep pace with Queen Marika (Who is basically a goddess of fertility) for a good long while. He will fold you in half (on the battlefield and in the bedroom.)

Evil Sex God: (Can give consent, is a terrible person but you’d make an exception.)

Radagon of the Golden Order:

He sucks in all the worst ways, but I mean... You can't NOT. Both Radagon and Marika are the embodiment of evil but they managed to suck and fuck their way across an entire continent for generations. You HAVE to give a try at least once.

Godskin Duo:

Oh my god will it be awful with all those flayed human skins, but you know you are still gonna have to. They can stretch and do all sorts of freaky stuff with their bodies, plus they kill gods and nothing is sexier than heresy.

Vyke, Knight of the Roundtable:

The dude is a mad killer but... he can still probably get it, might as well give it a try.

God-Devouring Serpent / Rykard, Lord of Blasphemy:

Personally I wouldn't, he's a loser and will probably kill you. But he is also a giant snake made up of squirming hands doing all sorts of sexual experiments, I can't blame you if you want to give it a taste.

Black Knife Assassin:

They committed a whole lot of treason but the power of armored lesbians is too hard to resist.

Patches:

If you are already having sex with from software characters, you gotta give Patches at least one attempt. When you wake up he'll have robbed you, but you knew what you were getting into.

[comicaurora]

Hey Red, I'm trying to build a better understanding of mathematics, because to my mind math has always been a collection of arcane sigils that I had to memorize to pass tests in school. I must know how these sigils came to be and why they mean what they mean. Are there any resources you recommend I use in my pursuit of these secrets? Please and Thank You 🙏

It's good you described math as something you "build," because I think that's the best analogy possible.

Mathematics, in its purest form, involves no memorization. Math is the process of taking a very small number of established truths and defined operations that preserve truth, and using those operations on your established truths to expand your space of known truths. As long as you start from a point of truth and only use operations that preserve truth, you will derive truths. If you understand the base principles from which a branch of math is constructed, you can rederive it from first principles. Memorization is easier, but you can rederive it.

For instance, we can start with two things, the number "1" and the operation "+". 1 means "a single thing" and + means "put them together." If those two concepts exist, then we also have 2, 3, 4, and every other positive integer, because we can derive them by using + on as many 1s as we want. If we drop a rock on an empty patch of ground, and then drop a rock on that same patch of ground, that patch of ground now has two rocks on it.

If we include within the definition of "+" that there exists an identity value 0, and every value has an inverse that when added to it produces zero, we also get 0 and all the negative integers, producing the group of integers. Every integer can be expressed using nothing but the number 1, the + operation, and its inverse - if we're feeling spicy.

If we decide to add another truth-preserving operation, "*", with identity value 1 and the same kind of inverse property that "+" has, we rederive every rational number. Every number in this field of rational numbers can be described as a combination of 0s and 1s using only + and * and their inverses; truthful objects combined in truth-preserving operations. We started from the truth and we used it as our only building material to create something equally truthful.

We can memorize a multiplication table, but multiplication is just iterated addition. If we forget, we can just do the addition again.

Algebra is a simple rearrangement of a simple beginning math problem by way of other truth-preserving operations. When you're starting out, you might expect to see something like

3 + 5 = ?

Algebra starts when we replace "?" with a placeholder, "x". This is just a change of terminology. It preserves truth.

3 + 5 = x

This isn't what most algebra problems look like, though. Most basic algebra problems look more like

3x + 7 = 31

But these two formulae are the same, because we can turn one into the other through operations that preserve truth.

3x + 7 = 31 -> subtracting the same value from both sides of the equation is an operation that preserves truth. We subtract 7 from both sides, getting

3x = 24 -> dividing both sides of the equation by the same value is also an operation that preserves truth. We divide both sides by 3, getting

x = 8 -> addition is associative, so we can break 8 up however we want if we do

x = 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 = (1 + 1 + 1) + (1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1) = 3 + 5

Solving an algebra problem is the process of breaking down the things that make it complicated using the truth-preserving operations that defeat them. Added values can be subtracted. Multiples can be divided. Exponents can be root'd.

We understand what it means to put a placeholder in a math problem. We realize, by the same token, we can put in more than one placeholder, if we want. This gives us problems that don't have single numerical solutions, but spaces of solutions. Consider

2*x = ?

We do what we did before, replacing that "?" with something that means the same thing. We use a different letter to avoid confusion.

2*x = y

Now we have multivariable algebra. Instead of getting hard numbers for both variables, we have pairs of numbers. If we pick an x, we get a y. If we pick a y, we get an x. The relationship between the values is clearly defined; x will always be y/2. If x is 3, y is 6. If x is -1.8, y is -3.6.

Now for the sake of convenience, we create shorthand - another change of terminology that preserves truth. We come up with a term that describes this relationship between x and y. We decide to call y a "function."

y = f(x) = 2*x

A function is what we're calling one half of an equation; what goes on the other side of the equals sign. It's just a rename, like when we turned ? into x. It preserves truth.

The trick at this stage is that every element of this seeming increasingly complexity is actually an attempt to make the process simpler as we handle more and more things. We don't technically need any numbers other than 0 and 1 if we're just dealing with rational numbers. We could write 378/5 with nothing but 1s and +, -, * and /, but by god we wouldn't want to. We could write [x^3 + 2x + 5] as ?*?*? + ? + ? + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 + 1 and it would mean the same thing. The shorthand and symbols get dizzying if you lose track of what they mean, but when you remember what they mean, you understand why you need them.

Any piece of mathematical shorthand basically means "for this thing we're talking about, this set of things is known to be true." We can rederive those things if we need to, but the shorthand is there to help us avoid doing it unnecessarily. We call the integers a group because that means it has an associative operation that is invertible and has an identity element that, when used in the operation, leaves the operated-on value unchanged. We don't want to write that out every time we use + or remember what 0 means, but we can if we have to.

Calculus is where most people think math turns into wizardry, but derivatives and integrals are just another pair of inverse functions like + and - or * and /, and the building block of this branch of math is the derivative. Any formula for a derivative can, in a pinch, be rederived by calculating the difference quotient (f[x+h]-f[x])/h as h approaches 0. If f(x)=x^2, we may memorize that its derivative f'(x)=2x, or we may calculate

[f(x+h) - f(x)]/h =

([x+h]^2 - x^2)/h =

(x^2 + 2xh + h^2 - x^2)/h =

(2xh + h^2)/h = 2x + h

And the limit of this as h->0 is 2x.

Everything in math can be broken down to first principles. Everything. Sometimes it's very hard to figure out what tool you need to break it down to its next stage of simplification, but it was built from first principles and it can be broken down the same way. If it isn't making sense, break it down with truth-preserving methods until it does - even if you have to go all the way back to zeroes and ones.

[etz-ashashiyot]

I'm sorry, but actually I'm not over that comment whining about how several of the JVP ritual, uh, practices and bastardization of Judaism are being excluded and how we can't police people's identities.

Actually yes we absolutely can.

[Rant incoming]

Listen, I hate exclusion, alright? Inclusion is always the answer when it comes to people knowing who they are. Every obnoxious identity policing thing in the queer community that has divided us and ripped apart communities has been cruel, counterproductive, given platform to bigots, a distraction from the real issues bearing down on us, and honestly just dumb as a box of rocks. Okay? Okay.

But Jewish identity works differently, because it isn't about YOU. Becoming Jewish is about taking on Jewish culture and religion, a closed ethnoreligious culture, through the narrow path consented to by the collective Jewish people. There IS a path, but it is a highly supervised one. Otherwise it's just appropriation and cultural theft; something Jews have been subjected to for millennia. And if you do legitimately convert you do so because you love the Jewish people - the whole Jewish people - and want passionately to be a Jew for its own sake. You want to join our nation-tribe. You want to join our family.

And the crazy thing to me, the thing that still blows my mind, is that this is allowed! Even after millennia of appropriation, oppression, violence, expulsions, and genocides, Am Yisrael still accepts genuine gerim. It would be so understandable if they had closed the path entirely and tried to shut out outsiders who might bring in danger on their heels even if they themselves were not dangerous.

But they didn't. We didn't. To me this is a miracle, a blessing, and sign of true faith and hope. It is a privilege to be here.

Yet in the same turn, you gotta respect the process! You can't just declare yourself a Jew simply because you feel like it — it doesn't work like that. You can't just declare yourself an Argentinian one morning either without becoming a citizen first, even if you have Argentinian ancestry. And sure, if you do have some of that ancestry, you are connected to the nation, but that's different from being given a vote y'know?

Using a totally unsupervised, totally unsanctioned, brand-new neo-pagan ritual to unilaterally declare your membership in a tribe does not make you one of us. If anything, it proves why you never will be.

Now! Let's assume for a moment that we are referring only to the provably halachic Jews whose connection and backgrounds are beyond reasonable questioning.

You can never really leave the tribe, but you absolutely can apostasize. Plenty of Jews do it. There are plenty of Jews who find that Judaism is not spiritually fulfilling for them but something else is, and they convert out. There are halachic Jews who have walked away from Judaism in order to practice any other number of religions: Christianity, Islam, Neo-paganism, Hinduism, etc.

That is their prerogative, but by doing so they turn away from their people in a serious way and cannot be said to be practicing Judaism. There is of course room for many different types of Jewish practice, but conversely, there are practices that are too far removed from Judaism to meaningfully be considered as such. Otherwise, it's no longer a coherent group identity. And because Judaism is a collective identity, that actually matters.

The Jews as a people have decided that worshipping gods that are not Hashem is not within the realm of Judaism, which is why messianic "Jews" are not practicing a valid form of Judaism even if they are halachicly Jewish and/or have Jewish ancestry. Worshipping Jesus makes you a Christian or at least adjacent. That is a hard boundary.

And yeah — if you change the basic meaning of holidays, if you bring in lots of practices that are brand new and have no halachic or even historical basis, are often highly individualistic, and would not be accepted as Judaism by the vast majority of Jews, then it absolutely falls outside it. If I started practicing a religion that made little icons of Muhammad to pray to once a day and celebrated my ingenuity with pork roast and a nice glass of wine, I don't get to say that I'm practicing Islam.

These people are doing the Jewish equivalent. It is something else entirely. Especially because so many of these practices spit in the face of major tenets of Judaism and go against Jewish values.

To treat it otherwise is to treat it as an absolutely meaningless aesthetic rather than a living breathing ethnoreligious tribe of people who get to decide our own community's boundaries and practices collectively.

And for the naysayers who still disrespect Judaism and Jewish identity and peoplehood so much that they think that they get to define Judaism more than actual rabbis? Look, we can't physically stop you from calling yourself Jewish, but by the same turn, YOU can't force US to recognize you as one of us. You can be mad, but that's the thing about group cultural identities — that cultural group gets to decide whether they claim you or not.

[To be clear: this is not about politics — there are plenty of Jewish non-Zionists and anti-Zionists who are 100% Jewish. This is about this one specific shitty organization and this particular type of behavior.]

[lazyneonrabbitt]

Hunters Ink

Tattoo artist!Daryl Dixon x Reader

One tattoo leads to many more when you fall head over heels with the artist.

You made your way into the shop, quickly engulfed in old rock music and the buzz of machines. The place was packed.

An older bald man welcomed you, a bright smile on his face after he had notified his client. "What can I help ya with, sweetheart?"

You stumbled over your words, unsure how to go about things. "I'd like to get a tattoo."

The man gave you a soft laugh. "Well tha's a given, why else walk into our shop, huh? Now, you got a picture withya, or do ya need sum time to look around fer inspiration?" He motioned around and pointed at the walls adorned with designs.

"I brought something" You fished in your bag for the piece of paper that held the print of a dog's paw.

The man took in the print and called someone else over.

"Daryl! C'mere, this one's yer business." When he turned back to you his voice went softer. "Mah brother does what ya want, my style ain't good fer the lil' details. He'll take over, yeah?"

He handed your paper over to his brother, who looked it over. "Where d'ya wan' it?" You went over all the basic details, where, how big and if you had any other tattoos already. You shared the reasons behind the pawprint and got a couple of placement suggestions before deciding you wanted the piece on your lower arm.

The appointment was quickly made and you left with Daryl's artist card and a warm feeling inside.

The day of the appointment came up quick and you made sure to follow the advice you were given. You had a good meal beforehand and brought some sugary sweets and drinks with you.

"C'mon over, cutie. Got yer paw ready for ya." Daryl came to collect you after you hadn't moved when he called you.

"I got the whole day for ya, so we'll go at your pace, yeah?" His gravely voice was so calming, it really helped with the first tattoo nerves.

"Thanks, really appriciate it." You gave him a sweet smile as you watched him cut different sizes of your tattoo and asked for your hand. "Let's see which size looks best."

Daryl held the guessed sizes to the chosen spot on your arm. "I think the second one?" He took it and held it to your arm once again at your decision and after taking it in you decided it was good.

"Aight, go sit and I'll get it ready for ya." You followed his every move as he talked through the whole stencil making process and came back to you.

With minimal peach fuzz removal and proper cleaning the stencil was on your arm and you were admiring the idea of what it would look like when it was done.

You were ready to go.

Daryl's touches were featherlight, so precise and focused you were almost scared to speak from the moment he held tour wrist to place your arm on the stand beside the chair.

"M'gonna start, do a lil' line ta see how ya handle it." He rubbed something on the stenciled skin and moved the buzzing, inked up machine to your skin, keeping and eye on you as well but you barely gave a kick when he drew the first line.

Daryl gave you a proud smile and went to work. "Ya can ask ta tap out anytime, need ta keep ya as comforable as possible."

You watched his hands work your skin. The way the muscles in his arms tensed at every precise movement and the way his hair was tied back for the work was hypnotising to see. The outline was done before you knew it with how distracted you were by his own large collection of ink.

"How'r ya holdin' up? S'not so bad ain't it?" He came back with a glass of soda for you to give you both a little break.

You admired your arm, the skin all red from the scraping but it didn't hurt that bad. "I'm good." You started, giving yourself a moment to form a sentence. "You're so.. so much softer than you look?" God what were you saying? That was nowhere near a compliment.

"Ya thought we're all as loud as Merle? Loud music, loud angry mouth?" You shyly nodded as his correct assumption. He was being so sweet to you, making sure you were still good every few moments and it warmed your heart to know such kind people were still around. You just didn't think they looked like that.

With the way his heavy boots stomped through the room and the chains on his pants jingled with each step you'd expected short, snappy answers and the all black attire didn't feel welcoming at all before.

But now as you stared at him while he was answering a phone call you couldn't help but let your mind wander off.

You were mesmerised with the ink covering his throat, the wings that followed the natural lines of his body almost perfectly, and every other piece that disappeared into the neckline of his shirt. Even the nude lady laying over the top end of a knife on his lower arm was pretty to you, and you never though the silouhette of roadkill would hold your attention like it did.

"Didn't your mama ever teach ya it's rude ta stare?" You were so deep in thought you hadn't heard the door bell jingle when Merle came waltzing in. His voice pulled you from your daydreaming so fast you got embarrassed. With your head ducked down you glanced over at Daryl who was still on the phone, but he did look back at you with a smile and winked at you. He flipped off his brother with his free hand and went back to writing on a scrap piece of paper and ending the call.

"Ya see me on the phone from outside the window and ya still come in like tha'?"

Merle only laughed and went over to his station to set up for the day. Their back and forth bickering kept up for a bit but it didn't bother you with Daryl smiling through all of his comebacks.

"Darlene, when will ya learn it's still mah own shop, so I can do whatever the hell I want." Merle was at the printer, reading his client's designs while Daryl wiped the excess ink off your skin. "Your shop? Aight how 'bout ya start doin' all the supply orders too, then. Watch ya run outta paper towels halfway into a client's piece."

Merle only yammered some insult in return and went back to working in silence.

Now that his brother was finally quiet again Daryl could continue working without interuptions, having constatly removed the machine from your skin as he replied to the conversation.

A couple of times you thought he was done when he went to move away, but eaxh time it was small top ups and detailing, making sure all the small lines of fur were copied over from the stamped pawprint of your dearest friend were copied over onto your body.

"Ya still like me after today?" He was cleaning up his station while you were admiring his work in the mirror and saw him smile at you in a way that had your stomach do a flip in the best way, already thinking up a next piece so you could come back.

"Ofcourse I still like you! You got me exactly what I wanted, thankyou." You were back at his station, letting him clean your arm for the last time with his gentle touches, but not without a soft "Sorry." before wiping away the excess fluids and wrapping it up for you.

"I'll give ya this, tells ya how ta care fer new ink. And this, on the house." You accepted the paper and aftercare creme and made your payment before you shared goodbyes and you went on your way.

As planned you came back to the shop four weeks later to show the healed piece, not needing any touch ups and getting compliments on taking good care of it.

Instead of heading out immedately you stuck around, looking at the walls until Daryl's voice caught your attention. "Ya wanna ask somethin'?"

You looked at him before averting your gaze again, somehow feeling it was wrong to already ask for a new tattoo. You heard Daryl chuckle. "Ya want somethin' new, dontcha? Tell me whatya got in mind."

He had stopped to lean over the front counter and gave you a knowing smile. "Ya were starin' at the animals, want one o'them?" He looked over and pointed at the frame that held a part of his flash designs and you carefully mentioned liking the rabbit, but not the overall dark theme of the collection.

"Lemme draw ya a pretty bunny and i'll send ya the picture, 'kay?" You immediately loved the idea. The way Daryl's animal desings held so much emotion had you excited he was designing one just for you. "Yeah, that would be amazing. A softer, maybe less dead bunny." You smiled whe he slid over a piece of paper that held your info he copied from your previous appointment, but the phone number section still open. "Fill tha' in for me? Fer the books."

Maybe it wasn't the smoothest way to ask for your number, but he had it now along with a reason to text you.

Not long after you got your bunny, then came some flowers added around it and eventually you were getting custom pieces drawn by Daryl every time you had some money to spend.

Ofcourse it wasn't all you. Daryl had figured out where you worked and made sure to leave you very generous tips to add to your tattoo funds, just so Merle wouldn't figure out you weren't paying full price anymore now that you were getting so close.

"No way he just left you that much--" your work bestie squinted at you as your gaze followed Daryl out the door after he had paid way too much and headed out. "Is he your boyfriend?" You looked at her with a frown and swatted her arm. "Shut up, oh my god we're just friends.."

The truth was, you were both too scared to ask the other out, so seeing each other at the shop and the lunch place was what kept you both close for now.

A/N: This took so much longer than I planned, I hope the hype for this one hasn't left yet!!

[of-many-fandomss]

jake seresin being drunk and coming home to the reader and it's basically just really cute and full of fluff!!

My first top gun blurb!! (I’m so mad I had to rewrite this cause it deleted the first time and it isn’t as good this time cause I don’t remember what I wrote)

—————

Jake was vaguely aware of the fact that he reeked of alcohol, but he couldn’t really find it in himself to care as he stumbled through the short hall towards his bedroom, making a small game out of trying not to hit the walls in his drunken state.

Rooster had just dropped him off at home after a ‘guys night out’ at the Hard Deck for their first week off in a long time that may or may not have ended in one too many beers. Originally, he had insisted on staying home with you, to which you laughed and practically had to tackle him out the door to make sure he went to enjoy himself with his friend.

Clumsily, Jake flailed around for the handle, but stopped short as soon as he threw the door open. A person was sitting up against the headboard of his bed, eyes widening a little bit in surprise as they looked up from the book they held open in their lap.

A small smile formed on your lips at the sight of him standing in your doorway looking around in confusion, noticing right away that he was slightly drunk.

“Hey, honey-“

“Who are you?” He hissed in a whisper, “What are you doing in my house?”

The grin widened on your face when you realized just how drunk he was, and you feigned confusion, deciding to play along, “What do you mean?”

He sighed patiently, “Listen, you look lovely, but that’s my girlfriends spot you’re sitting on. And I really love her, so you need to leave.”

“I am your girlfriend,” You smirked, sliding off the bed and striding across the room until you were standing right in front of him, knowing full well that the two of you had been happily married for just over two years. But you also knew from past experiences that mentioning that would send your husband into a whole different spiral of emotions in his drunken state.

His eyes squinted at you until his mouth dropped open in realization and he relaxed, “Oh, darlin’ thank goodness your back,” His southern accent was thicker than it normally was when he was sober, “There was this women on your side of the bed, but I told her to get lost because I love you!” He stated proudly.

“Good job, honey,” You cooed out your praise, bringing his arm to rest around your shoulder so that you could lead him into the bathroom.

You sat him down on the closed toilet seat and made your way over to the sink to get him a cup of water, his eyes trailing after you in adoration the whole way, before you came back and handed it to him, “Drink all of this for me, will you, honey?”

“Yes, ma’am,” He murmured, causing your lips to quirk up slightly.

“I’ll be right back, I’m gonna go get you something more comfortable to wear for bed,” You gave him a quick kiss on the top of the hair before leaving the bathroom.

He frowned after you, rocking back and forth against the seat and waited for you to return.

You barley even stepped foot back into the room a moment later before he sprang up and came barreling towards you, wrapping you into a bone-crushing embrace tightly, burying his face into your hair, “Thank goodness your back!” He gushed, “I missed you so much when you were gone!”

Laugher bubbled up inside you as you wrapped your arms around your husbands torso in return, “I wasn’t gone that long, Jakey.”

“It was too long,” He whimpered back.

Carefully, you pried his hands off of you after a moment and handed him a stack of folded sleep clothes you had just taken out of his drawer.

“Can you get changed?” You asked, to which he nodded his head excitedly and whipped around, accidentally knocking over the half full cup that he had placed on the ground in the process.

“Oh, here, I got-“

“I got it!” He interrupted you excitedly, not even hesitating to shed off his shirt and bend down to start mopping the water off the floor with it.

You blinked once at his toned back, chuckling slightly to yourself at how fast he had reacted to reveal his bare top to clean up a small pile of water.

He stopped suddenly, smirking up at you, “Unless you would rather take off your shirt and do this,”

That at least emitted a loud laugh at you as you shook your head at your cocky husbands antics and helped pull him to his feet once he was all done cleaning up his mess.

You helped him put on the rest of his pajamas- mostly just making sure he didn’t fall into the bathtub- before taking his hand and starting to pull him to the room so that you could both go to sleep.

You were stopped though at a tug of resistance you felt on your arm, and you looked back to question Jake, only to find him frowning down at your intertwined fingers.

“What’s wrong, honey?” You asked worriedly.

Slowly, he lifted your hand to reveal none other than the breathtakingly beautiful, shiny ring that he had used to propose to you with a couple years ago, “You’re cheating on me?” He asked quietly, a look of nothing but devastating heartbreak on his face.

Your eyebrows furrowed slightly before your eyes widened, remembering that you had let him believe that you were still boyfriend and girlfriend, “No, no, Jakey! You’re my husband! We’re married!”

His eyes snapped up to you as his bottom lip quivered and tears began to sine in his eyes, “We are?” He addled quietly.

You quickly took his face between your hands and made him look you in the eyes, “Yes! We’ve been married for two years now!”

Automatically, as if nothing had happened, his features cleared of all sorrow and he grinned at you with a lovesick expression, “Oh, that’s good.”

You threw your head back with a laugh, continuing your journey to the bed, “Yes, that’s very good.”

Even as you helped him slide under the covers, he never once took his gaze off of you, and as you tried to move to get the light switch, you felt his strong but gentle grip stop you once more, “You’re pretty,” He commented, gaze wide and childlike.

You had to physically stop yourself from laughing, knowing that it would do nothing but upset his feelings because he never called you pretty. It was always gorgeous, stunning, beautiful, sexy- not pretty.

“I bet you say that to all the girls,” You teased, unconsciously moving a hair out of his face.

“Nuh uh!” He exclaimed, shaking his head back and forth widely, “Only you!”

Your heart melted right then and there and you bent down and placed a lingering kiss on his forehead, “Thank you, Jake.”

Yet again, you tried to go and move, but his hand was still to let go of yours, so you turned back to him to see what he needed.

His eyebrows were furrowed as he looked at you, “What about me?” He demanded.

“What about you?” You asked in curiosity.

“Am I pretty?” Within his tipsy state, he wasn’t even joking, making the situation that much funnier.

You chucked slightly, placing a soft kiss on the tip of his nose, “The prettiest,” You promise.

“Nuh uh!” He protested once more.

“And why’s that?” Your eyebrows rose.

“Because you’re the prettiest,” He said in a ‘duh’ tone, “I’m the… second prettiest!”

You laughed again, squeezing his hand lovingly, “The second prettiest it is, then.”

This time, he let you turn off the lights, and by the time you turned back to the bed, his breathing had already evened out and his chest was falling up and down steadily.

[choccy-milky]

oh boy anon, you’ve activated my trap card. GET READY FOR A SEBASTIAN CHARACTER ANALYSIS ESSAY BELOW LMAO

ok so first off I know im obvs biased, but I don’t actually think my seb is that ooc, AND PUT DOWN YOUR PITCHFORKS IMMA EXPLAIN WHY. but im also gonna explain why I don’t think the other more friendly and lighthearted renditions of seb are ooc either. bc theres so many aspects of seb we get in the game that can be interpreted in so many diff ways, and so this is how i see it/landed on MY rendition of seb:

PROTECTIVENESS/POSSESSIVENESS: this is one of the main aspects of him, imo. his entire questline is about wanting to cure anne, and how he’s not giving up, and how he believes that HE is the only one that can do it, because “she’s MY sister!” seb is super tunnel visioned and has a one-track mind when it comes to this, and I headcanon that he’s this way because of their parents deaths. he’s the brother, the boy, he’s gotta be strong for his sister, and ofc when their parents died, he tries to comfort her and be there for her/be the rock, and it happens again when she’s sick. shes his sister, his responsibility, and he’ll die before he gives up on her and her safety.

SO, I just transfer all those aspects over to a romantic relationship instead. you just replace “shes my sister” with simply, “she’s mine/my gf/my wife/etc.” and in the same way I think seb tries to be strong and reliable and protect anne because he’s the brother, I think seb would be the same way in a relationship, because he’s a boy and she’s a girl and its 1890 and he’s chivalrous and he just sees it as his responsibility. I think the death of his parents and his dynamic with anne has baked this sort of mindset into him, and its even MORE intense in a romantic aspect, because then hormones and puberty and sexual tension and attraction is involved (plus the fact that seb in my fic is 17, so he’s older and has even stronger raging hormones and testosterone LOL.

JEALOUSY: who can forget the lines “between the two of you, I’m starting to feel left out” and “ominis simply needs a moment with you and he’ll change his mind. is that it?” the first one is more playful but I feel like the second one really showcases sebs brand of jealousy, and how biting and uncharitable it can be.

AGGRESSION/VIOLENCE: yet another iconic line with: “fine. but ominis knows, I won’t step back from a fight.” LIKE... the fact that apparently ominis knows this means its come up more than once…and im not saying seb is some unruly aggressor who flies off the handle at anything, but he defs has a capacity and is willing to get violent if HE believes the situation calls for it—basically the same way he feels about the dark arts. he felt justified using imperio to protect anne, and taking the relic to save anne, and so he would have fought ominis to get out of the catacomb. and with MY seb, while he doesn’t go picking fights with any boy who looks or gets close to clora, he’ll definitely be willing to beat up or lay hands on a creep who bothers clora/who is in the process of bothering her LOL.

SO YEAH, that’s pretty much it, and I’ll be the first to admit I definitely ramp up these traits further because he’s older in my fic and i think these traits would only get more intensified with age + being in love and also bc IM A TWILIGHT GIRLIE!!! what can I say. there are so many moments in my fic where you can just replace seb with edward and it wouldn’t seem out of place tbh LMAOO so blame twilight, it was a formative experience for me BAHAHA

BUT like I ALSO said, I don’t think peoples more lighthearted interpretations of seb are ooc either. because even all my earlier above examples, you can just focus on diff aspects of them. like his tunnel vision and obsession to cure anne? instead of seeing it as over the top protective and possessive, you can just view it in a more wholesome determined selfless sort of way. like I said we got so many nice little bits and ingredients of his personality that we can turn into anything we want, really👌just pick which flavour of seb u like best and use what we got in game to create it HAHA

AW TYY QUEEN BAHAHA💖 and aw im always so honoured when ppl tell me they consider my stuff canon that’s like the best compliment I can get, tysm 😭 and im glad you like my fic and art so much (enough for your friends and family to unfortunately know💀 LMAOO)

im adding your ask to this because it kinda ties into my seb essay. LETS GET INTO WHY A SWEET BABY ANGEL WOULD LIKE SOMEONE LIKE SEB. the answer ISSS: the same reason WE’RE also all into him I guess?? BAHHA

ok but to start off im gonna defend my seb, not only cause of what you said anon (i dont want you to feel like this is targeted to you!) but also bc I got an ask recently asking me to summarize seb and clora’s relationship since all they see from my art is that “they fuck and seb is possessive” LMAO, and I feel like ppl who JUST see my art and don’t read my fic have a warped image of my seb.

this may be shocking but I don’t consider my seb a red flag LMAO. I joke about how hes more of a pink flag tbh, but even THAT i dont even really believe, and don’t even consider him overly possessive. like yes he keeps an eye on her when shes hanging around other boys, but I feel like that’s normal (esp for 1890) and all of his most possessive moments have been when theres been a threat to cloras life/coming from a place of love and protection (especially since clora is so self-sacrificial, she’d have killed herself by now if not for seb LOL) so to me id actually put Sebastian as being PROTECTIVE as his first and foremost trait, followed by the possessiveness.

and yeah he gets jealous, but unless a dude is actively trying to get with her/hitting on her/harassing her, he’ll otherwise just kinda be unhappy about it/let it play out/ watch on unhappily LOL. and even when lawley was blackmailing clora and getting in between her and sebs relationship and lying about how close he and clora were, seb demanded answers from CLORA on what was happening between the two of them, but he didn’t touch lawley or tell him to stay away. bc seb thought that was what clora wanted, so he let her drift away. if he was TRULY a red flag, in this instance he would have just beat up lawley for taking what was "his"/not allow clora to leave him/immediately go to lawley instead of clora, and tell him to stay away despite what clora might want. (and clora even WISHED seb had interfered and done this. she was like 'why is he letting me drift away and go off with lawley i WANT him to fight for me...but she couldn't actually say anything thanks to the blackmail)

clora doesn’t just 'put up' with sebs more possessive and protective behaviour though, she actually likes it HAHA. just bc shes a precious baby angel, we all like a bad boy, even back then. just look at jane eyre, and how popular the dark and brooding and assholey mr. rochester was.

she tells seb at one point that she likes those things about him, even his immature competitive side, and his darker sides, and that he shouldn’t try to hide them or change himself because she accepts them. and even putting aside all of the stuff they’ve been through together that has bonded them (like the main canon quests + annes curse and then CLORA being cursed, and then clora being kidnapped and seb saving her) clora thought seb was roguish and charming and witty and intelligent and good looking from day 1. add to the fact that he’s just so devoted to her in everything he does, that even if he CAN get a bit overbearing at times, how could you NOT fall for someone like that😩 someone whose possessive behavior just stems from wanting to protect you and love you and want to keep you safe and cherish you like DAMN…. GET ME A SEB, TOO. WHERES MINE!!!😭😭

clora also realizes in ch 32 WHY seb is so protective of her (the trauma with his parents and wanting to be there for anne) and that she accepts it, and enjoys it, and that she might even MISS it if seb were to ever get less protective of her/might get lonely LOL, and then sebs like "i’ve "spoiled you, have i?"

so YEAH I don’t think sebs protectiveness and possessiveness goes into any toxic territory or red flag territory PERSONALLY (and the time that it DID get toxic was because of the relic, and clora DID put her foot down)

but my normal seb? whose dream in life is to whisk clora away into a tower and lock her up to keep her safe and keep her all to himself, but that he’d never ACTUALLY do because he knows its insane and unreasonable but jokes about wanting to do it anyway bc he would if clora agreed? clora finds that endearing and cute and is touched by how much he loves her and wants to keep her safe.

IN CLOSING: I LOVE THEM YOUR HONOUR AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨

[daytaker]

The Demon Brothers React to Watching a Horror Movie with You

CW: discussion of gore (Satan)

I didn’t include the dateables in this one but if people want that, y’know…let me know.

Lucifer

"You frighten yourself... intentionally? Interesting."

He fails to see the appeal, quite frankly.

Not only does he not find them scary, he doesn't understand why you watch them if you do.

He's too used to playing the babysitter to take you grabbing his hand as an excuse for physical contact. He interprets it as you tapping out, so he'll pause the movie and give you an out.

Of course, if you insist on finishing the movie regardless, that's an interesting choice in and of itself.

What an opportunity to observe a tortured human psyche at work.

If you insist on holding hands at this point, he won't fight it. He is a bit more dubious than before, though. Are you really doing this because you're scared? You wouldn't happen to have any ulterior motives, would you?

He will gladly reassure you after the movie is over that you are always welcome to come to him for comfort if you're afraid in the middle of the night. You know where his room is.

Mammon

"Just so we’re clear, I ain’t afraid of no horror movies. Not even a little! Not even a teensy-tiny bit, all right? Like, seriously."

He's lying.

This isn't even headcanon stuff, this is just common knowledge.

Also common knowledge: he will insist on proving how cool and brave he is by watching a horror movie with you and protecting you from the monsters and gore onscrEEAAAUUUUGH???!!!

He wasn't scared, he was just startled.

And he's only up here on the lights fixture because he remembered one bulb was flickering earlier. There. He fixed it. He's just being responsible.

Anyway, if you're nervous and want to hold his hand, he understands. Humans are fragile as hell.

In fact, you don't need to stop at hand-holding. You can just hug hiMYEEAAGH!!!!

He's hugging you instead. He's being a good demon and taking care of his human.

Yes, he's in your lap. He thought you'd feel more secure that way.

Stop laughing!

Leviathan

"So I read that the film set for this movie was cursed by a mangaka who never got credit as an influence for the story..."

Time for some J-horror, obviously.

He read up extensively on the production before asking you to watch it with him. He figures he'll be less terrified if he has plenty of background knowledge about the film as an artistic piece to remind him that the happenings onscreen aren't real.

Instead he found a bunch of rumors about how the movie was cursed. But he'd already poured so much of his valuable time into researching it. Sunk cost fallacy: activated! You're watching this damn movie.

He's scared. He's so embarrassed to be this scared but he's scared.

When he's by himself, he doesn't mind that he spooks easily. He likes it. That's the fun of horror games and movies.

But with you here, he feels the pressure to be your emotional rock during the harrowing film-viewing process.

You can hold his hand. You know, if you want to. He gets it if that idea grosses you out, but he did wash his hands right before you got here, so...

If he gets too scared, the demon form comes out, and suddenly you have a scaly tail wrapped around your waist and webbed fingers clutching you.

He's sorry, it's just... It just happens sometimes, okay? Laugh it up, normie!

Actually, it feels kind of nice when you stroke his scales like that. If you really want to, you don't have to stop.

He is no longer watching the movie.

Satan

"This is an extremely unrealistic depiction of decapitation with a hacksaw."

There is nothing less scary than watching a horror movie with Satan, because his smart ass can't stop telling you about everything wrong with it.

The movie is starting. Are you nervous? He'll hold your hand. He has enough basic sense to at least get that part of the process right.

...That's not even close to how it looks when you disembowel a deer.

There's a lot more blood spatter than you'd expect when head wounds are involved. Apparently the special effects crew on this movie didn't do their due diligence.

Hmm, that's actually a pretty convincing amputation scene. Credit where credit is due.

Sorry, but he thinks that calling this one a "psychological thriller" is giving it a little too much credit.

Asmodeus

"Nooo! Ahhh, I can't take it, it's so scaryyy!"

He's not scared. Not even a little.

He's not even grossed out.

But he thinks that seeming terrified is cuter than seeming mildly amused and a little bored.

So before you start watching, he makes sure to lay down some ground rules.

If he's scared, he gets to hold your hand. If you're scared, you get to hold his hand.

If he's scared, he gets to hug you. If you're scared, you get to hug him.

If nothing scary is happening for more than five minutes, he's allowed to request a kiss. Just to keep you both from getting bored.

Why are sex scenes in slashers so awful? Even before the stabbing starts. They're just so... blah. It's disappointing every time.

Ahhh! There's the killer! He's so scared! He's going to hide his face in your neck and cling to you for dear life!

Beelzebub

"What's wrong? Why do you look so sick?"

Bro will eat nonchalantly through the most brutal and gut-wrenching scenes of gore, entirely unaffected.

And he will.

He will do that, right in front of you, and not even have the decency to understand why you have to go vomit.

He doesn't really get most horror films. But occasionally something will resonate strongly with him and he will become very quiet and potentially fairly upset for awhile.

If something reminds him too much of Lilith or her death, for example.

But even if that happens, he won't stop eating.

Belphegor

"Wake me up if something interesting starts happening."

Another one who is entirely unaffected by horror.

Nothing is more horrifying than living as himself in this fucked up world.

He's very annoyed whenever Mammon or Levi watches anything horror-related because their screaming makes it hard to sleep.

He doesn't mind if you scream though.

He can fall asleep to the sound of you screaming.

Take that however you wish.

[aimseytv]

please rant about bubbline, i need a win

the brilliance of bubbline has been vastly misunderstood for years and i’ll explain. people see bubbline as your standard sapphic couple with no real depth, people see the pairing and go ‘gfs’ and move on HOWEVER they are so much more than just girlfriends. they are two immortal beings who for years have been wrapped around the other fingers and have had a relationship based on miscommunication until wrapping that up during the stakes era (varmints s7 is what confirms this but we get into that later)

so the entirety of bubbline is based on miscommunication and you may be wondering: aimsey, how? well that’s because of the fact both of the pair believed the other was in the wrong. but, for us to discuss this, i must explain their relationship in its entirety. we understand how long their relationship has truly been going on for when there is a clip in obsidian distant lands (ODS) where bubblegum catches marcys rock tshirt, both when the pairing are younger or well “a longer time ago” - this shows how long they’ve truly been in each others lives. now, fast forward to the scene we get in ODS where marceline and bubblegum argue over the sense of power, as well as immaturity. we see marceline wanting to just hang with her girlfriend, while in a disruptive manner, meant no harm, and we see bubblegum attempting to focus on work while accidentally shutting marceline down in the process. that quickly escalates into a full blown argument, and quotes like “you’re acting like monster trash” is thrown at marceline which, marcy being an angsty little half demon, didn’t take too lightly in which she responded to the comment with a song that basically says “nvm. you’re not cool. i’m glad i woke up. fuck you and your candy kingdom” and it ends with bubblegum breaking up with marcy. sad right? you haven’t seen anything yet

so now we move on to the tv show. the first we see of the two is the episode ‘go with it’ where marcy is asked to help finn in his adventure to try and ask out the princess. you may be wondering “huh? but if bubblegum is her ex why would she help-“ WRONG! because she doesn’t help! she gives finn completely wrong advice which ends in finn getting thrown out of the candy kingdom. the interaction between the two during this episode is bitter, where we see marceline speak in a high pitched tone and say ‘hello bonnibel’ almost mockingly, in response to bubblegums ‘hey marceline..’ which is incredibly stand offifish. from the get go, we know something happened between them (and with obvious clues now we know the timeline but as a first time viewer, this random episode in s1 can confuse everyone because why do these two characters have beef we don’t know about?)

now, moving onto an important core episode in their timeline which is ‘what was missing’ in season 3. one of the most popular adventure time episodes, and one of the most popular bubbline moments where we see bubblegum and marcy being forced to be together due to finn and jake attempting to take down a “door lord” that includes all of the teams prized possessions. (tldr: little gremlin dude stole jake, finn, bubblegum and marcelines* top favourite and most memorable items.. we will get back to this shortly). anyway, they have to sing a song of truth to get passed and with a failed attempt, marceline tries and lets say she just unleashes all the resentment and anger she’s had towards bubblegum in the form of a song! she says stuff like “i wanna drink the red from your pretty pink face”, “sorry i don’t treat you like a goddess”, and “why should i be the one to make up with you.. so why do i want to?” - indicating she WANTS to. which is probably the first time bubblegum has heard this, because bubblegums reaction is very much just “:O” the entire time. anyway, song goes on, marcy blames bubblegum for her messing up (in reality marcy only messed up because she began saying she wants to bury bubblegum but that isn’t true so the door didn’t accept it. L). anyway, they make up soon enough when finn does his little finn thing and everything is fine.. until bubblegum tries to go against the door lord with a “calculation” which appears to be false and it messes everything up - marcy uses this failure of hers to kinda rub it in her face, watching the princess fail was a positive in marcelines eyes as she was used to seeing bubblegum put work before her so of course she will use any moment of bonnie messing up as a win. she says “looks like you aren’t as perfect as you thought..” which has bonnie respond with “i never said you had to be perfect!” .. OUCHIE!! this leads to them getting upset, finn doing a little sing song which actually opens the door, and them getting their stuff back.. YIPPEE! now, you may be wondering “what was the stuff bubbline had stolen from them?” WELLLL LEMME TELL YOU. bubblegums most prized possession was THE ROCK T-SHIRT that MARCY GAVE HER years ago. marceline blushes as she says “you.. kept the shirt i gave you?” and bubblegum replies “yeah it uh.. means a lot to me” and marcy asks why because bonnie never wears it, to which bonnie replies “i wear it all the time. as panama’s.” .. NOTHING MORE GAY THAN SLEEPING IN YOUR EXES SHIRT THEY GAVE YOU THERE IS NO HETEROSEXUAL EXPLANATION FOR THIS!!!! anyway, marcy didn’t actually *have* an item stolen from her and instead it seems she just wanted to hang out with the team, more importantly wanted to hang out with her pink haired ex girlfriend. good stuff!

anyway, next important interaction i’m highlighting comes from the season 5 episode ‘sky witch’ (there is a lot of smaller key moments but i’m jumping to this one okay moving on) anyway, there is a huge moment at the start of sky witch where bubblegum begins by.. sniffing the shirt marceline gave her.. as she wakes up, to then opening her closet to get ready for the day and we see a polaroid of the pairing IN THE CLOSET… you get my drift? anyway, it slowly moves on to marcy asking PB for help with something (in reality she needs PB to help her recover a teddy bear that was stolen from her that was given to her by her literal father figure during the mushroom war.. so it has a lot of significance. remember that). anyway, PB agrees after the tiniest of convincing and on they go! they go on this adventure, but we will skip to the end where PB magically gets the teddy back.. how? well, we don’t find out until the end of the episode where bubblegum actually traded the rock shirt marcy gave her all those years ago. why did that work you ask? because the sky witch works from the value of items, and not money value, but emotional significance.. SO IT MEANS THE ROCK SHIRT MARCY GAVE HER HAD MORE EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT AND SIGNIFICANCE THAN THE LITERAL TEDDY GIVEN TO MARCY DURING A LITERAL WAR FROM HER OWN FATHER FIGURE THAT ABANDONED HER!!!!!! MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!

okay okay, need more information? i’ve got you! we will quickly move onto VARMINTS my favourite episode of all time. “why aimsey?” because it gives us all the answers and clues we were waiting for when it comes to PB and marcys relationship. we learn that bonnie was unaware of the reason as to why marcy believed they stopped talking and broke up, we see bonnie apologise for hurting marcy and shutting her out, and we see marceline accept her apology as the pair can finally move on and accept the past. after seven whole seasons we get closure baby! the episode is brilliant in millions of ways, as we see bonnie be vulnerable around marceline regarding her loss of the candy kingdom, we see marcy reconciling with bonnie as they travel through the tunnels the pair used to explore years and years before, and it’s just a very nice episode. we are hit with the infamous quote “bonnibel bubblegum, always so prepared.” to which bonnie replies in a stern tone “yeah, i have to be always so prepared, we can’t all just wing it!” which is almost a dig at marcelines free spirit nature, but not out of malice, out of jealousy. bonnie wishes she had that, and not the huge amount of responsibility she has been burdened with since she was barely old enough to understand what it means to be mature. marcy saying the words “is that why you stopped talking to me?” after hearing bonnie go on a rant about how responsibility is difficult always hits me in my heart because it proves marcy to this day, although being bitter about it, believes the reason bonnie shut her out was because bonnie preferred work over her and that was marcelines biggest fear (as we know from getting shut out from her mother, her father and being abandoned by simon). bonnie going “no?!” because she genuinely just didn’t even think to see that may have been the reason the two fell out; both of the pair believing it was the other that lead to the fallout and bonnie not realising it may have involved her a lot more than she thought and it wasn’t just down to marceline being immature. anyway, episode ends with bonnie apologising, marcy accepts it, and we get a very sweet moment where bonnie is vulnerable and explains she is exhausted and marcy allows her to sleep on her shoulder as she rests. very cute :)

okay now stakes the mini series is a whole new realm for stuff regarding the pairs relationship. the stakes mini series is highlighting marcelines relationship with vampirism, and is a very beautiful series i recommend everyone watches. it begins with marceline burning in the sun, and slowly moves on to her asking bonnie to help her with the procedure of turning her into a human because she no longer wants to be a vampire - huge thing to ask, and bonnie ensures she is sure, and they do the procedure. a moment from this i think about a lot is where bonnie says this while doing the procedure regarding the fact marcy will no longer be immortal: “and when you die, i’ll be the one who puts you in the ground”. i think it’s just a nice quote. anyway, there are so many key moments from stakes but i’ll highlight important ones because it’s 5 episodes jam packed of bubbline but another moment is where they are searching for one of the vampires to hunt (this’ll make more sense if you watch it but TLDR: the procedure also unleashed all the vampires marcy has defeated in her years of growing up). PB and marcy are doing jumping jacks, and marcy is explaining a dream she had where in the dream marcy was all old, but PB was still “nice and pink” - meaning marcy was dreaming of her immortality being taken away, and dreaming about how in her future when she’s old, she’s with PB and she’s grown old with her (aww). bubblegum replies “you think i’m nice?” and it’s a very sweet moment where the pair blush. marcy then explains she has a weird feeling in her stomach, and PB asks if it’s just fear and marcy explains she knows what fear feels like already, and then goes “maybe it’s.. love?” regarding what the feeling is while looking at bubblegum and ITS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT THAT DRIVES ME INSANE BECAUSE HOLY!!!! MOLY!!!!!!!! she was just hungry (lmao) and we move on! another scene is where marceline gets hurt badly, and bonnie is begging for her to wake up as she holds marcys lifeless body in her arms and it’s just a very emotional scene of bonnie begging her to wake up when she thinks marcy is about to die and it’s just very sad and beautiful. i’m gonna quickly move on towards the end of stakes as we have more to cover but during the end, marcy gets turned back into a vampire but explains she has learned a lot and she thanks bubblegum, and says the beautiful quote “thanks for helping me grow up. now i guess we get to hang out together forever” and bonnie blushes in return and it’s just such an AAHHHHH scene!!!!!

now, we are rushing towards the finale (i’m missing some very key moments but i’ve been writing this for an hour straight without stopping i will fill in the blanks later) but basically during the final episode, marcy stops bonnie and begs her not to go to war - bonnie replies she has to, and in this moment you can see marcy more so terrified that this will result in her losing bonnie for the second time due to work and she doesn’t want this. its canon at this point the pair are dating again, and we see them chit chat before moving on as the battle starts. fast forward to bonnie getting really injured, and in result of this marceline loses her literal shit and punts the monster that killed bonnie after believing her girlfriend just got smothered and really badly injured - after this, marcy is out of breath and we see bonnie sit up and whisper ‘marcy?’ in a soft tone and marcy flies over just overjoyed she is okay. marcy says “even when we weren’t talking i was scared something bad would happen to you and i wouldn’t be there to protect you” and it’s such a raw line where it’s just obvious throughout all these years marceline never truly moved on from her. marcy and her giggle and then bubbline share their first on screen kiss that made thousands of gays across the globe pass away!!!

then, we have the beautiful obsidian distant lands that gives us insight into their very healthy relationship as we learn a lot more about the pair, and we just get some beautiful shared moments between them and even them canonically calling each other girlfriends which will never not be engraved in my brain!

this was everything from the top of my head (they will be my number one hyperfixation whether i like it or not until i pass away) but yeah! tldr: miscommunication lead to them not speaking for a very long time when the pair both just wanted to be loved but didn’t know how to balance their own stuff on top of loving the other. the miscommunication lied with bonnie throwing herself into her work instead of giving marceline attention, ultimately losing marcys trust in the process, and where marceline being a free spirit lead to bonnie just not being able to work like that as she “isn’t built like that” (her own quote “people get built different. we don’t need to figure it out, we just gotta accept it”. despite it being about her brother, i like to apply it to her also here). and marceline not giving PB the credit of her being a literal ruler burdened with responsibility. both were too young i’d say, but them growing up together and allowing the other to heal in their own ways lead them to each other again :)

THAT IS THE HISTORY OF BUBBLINE BY AIMSEYTV

[astrum99]

Do you think bugs fall in love?

Their small bodies host even tinier brains. Built to crawl through soil and rocks bigger than itself. Running on a simple software bouncing between eat, sleep, fight, flight, and copulate.

V1 is smarter than a bug. It must be. It’s a war machine, so it must be. Its programming is complex enough to fry several motherboards; the internals are heated from constant, unrelenting processing needs. If it updates its optical data intake to any greater degree than these rough, messy polygons, it’d surely perish from the overwhelming information.

V1 is built to kill first, survive second. To be fair, survival would ensure more killing, so it’d be more effective. Moving through the battlefield, culling lives, drawing blood. Perfectly aligned with its programmed objectives, then.

Gabriel is smarter than a bug. He must be. He’s an angel, so he must be. He’s one of the best soldiers in the heavenly realm. Armour and swords glistened with pride and justice. He sees all. He judges all. His loyalty and perfect track record have earned him a high rank within the order. Leaving behind the creaturely "it". His light burns hot and bright within his constitution.

Gabriel is built as a messenger of the Father, then a judge of Hell. To be fair, the role of a judge was assigned to him by the council, so he supposes that his placement can be summed up as the bearer of the divine authority to bring right to all other creatures. Perfectly aligned, then.

Bugs… Well, they’re the same. I suppose. Small beings. Running pre-programmed orders derived from centuries of evolution: eat, sleep, fight, flight, and copulate. No role. No responsibilities.

Bugs are built naturally and fully, unlike humankind; but formed and ready to go within seconds from their births, like machines and angels.

So. Do they live?

When the machine and the angel escape their chains, do they see themselves in bugs?

Bugs are born to live, temporarily, fleetingly, yet live nonetheless. Do they, then, deserve to live, freeing and meaninglessly. No role. No responsibilities.

So. Do bugs love?

Do they learn that they can go beyond their basic structures? Do they see their own reflection in each other’s compound eyes? Do they recognize each other’s bodies, scents, heat? Do they feel the desire for closeness?

To flutter wings like a dance of waltz. To brush antennae like butterfly kisses. To greet and caress and lie next to each other near their death.

To move through the sky in battle, in passion. To clash swords and fists and bullets. To greet and caress and lie next to each other near their death.

The same cells in the same blood coursing beneath the same suit of exoskeletons.

Machine, angel, bug. Boiled down to the barest essence of existence; crisp simplicity.

To live, to love.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Secrets of the Darkest Art: How to Make a Horcrux

So I saw many theories regarding how to make a Horcrux, but none of them really made perfect sense to me, so I decided to give it a crack myself as part of my mission to understand Lord Voldemort/Tom Marvolo Riddle (Which I think I did, big post coming about that at some point, this is but another piece of that puzzle of a man)

So this is my reverse engineering of a ritual to create Horcruxes based on book evidence, my knowledge of real-world alchemy, real-world ancient Greek cults and rituals and linguistic analysis.

How to reverse engineering a dark magical ritual:

The first thing, is to define what we knew fore certain:

The name: "Horcrux"

The creator is an Ancient Greek wizard named Harpo the Foul.

A death is required in the making.

A Horcrux holds a piece of the casters soul that anchors them to life so they won't die.

I'll actually start with the third point.

How to split a soul?

Both Dumbledore and Slughorn mention a death being required to tear your soul to make a Horcrux, and that never really sat right with me. It magically doesn't make sense and even the canon examples we have for Horcrux murders make this statment iffy.

We have seven examples of murders used to create Horcruxs (thanks to one Tom Riddle being dramatic):

The Diary - Myrtle Warren - killed by a basilisk. Sure, Tom freed the Basilisk, but it hardly seemed targeted at Myrtle specifically and you can argue he didn't actually kill her (more a manslaughter by negligence). He didn't cast the spell, so how come this tore his soul?

The Ring - his father (Tom Riddle Sr) - Avada Kadevra.

The Cup - Hepzibah Smith - she was poisoned by her house elf. Sure, the elf was under the imperious, but it wasn't a first-degree murder, and like with the Basilisk I find it hard to consider this the same as casting a killing curse. Magically those are very different things.

The Locket - Muggle Tramp - Avada Kadevra

The Diadem - Albanian Peasant - Avada Kadevra

Harry Potter - himself - backfired Avada Kadevra

Nagini - Bertha Jorkins - Avada Kadevra

Now, I used the term "magically different" or "magically make sense" what do I mean by that?

Well, besides the fact I'm going to make a full post about how I see magical theory in the Harry Potter Wizarding World, I'll say it takes a lot after occult philosophies from Alchemy that are very old, Slughorn mentions as much in book 6 and there are a few other references to it. I'm just gonna cover the basics required for this theory.

In Alchemy, everything (people, animals, plants and rocks) are built of three base components:

The Salt - the body - the physical form.

The Sulfur - the soul - the self that holds the divine flame.

The Murcury - the spirit - the life essence that binds the salt and sulfer together.

Now, in Alchemy, the main study is in purifying and combining these different aspects of material. Let's look at a herb, for an example:

If we want to retrieve its salt, we'll dry the herb completely using fire to leave behind a fine light grey ash that represents only the physical form.

If we wanted its mercury we'd distill all liquids from it until we get a purified, clear liquid which in the case of plants would be alcohol (it's why alcohol is referred to as "spirit").

And if we wanted its soul, we would take the remains from the distillation and drying process which would be a kind of oil.

(it can get more complicated with different materials, but this isn't a post about Alchemy)

Now, back to Horcruxs.

So, if we would want to split a soul, Alchemecly, how do we go about it?

Well, we don't. Not really. See a soul can't really be split, as every part of it, every bit of that oil from our random herb represents the entire soul. It's why something like a Horcrux could theoretically work in giving a full life to the diary the way we see in Chamber of Secrets.

Additionally, to work with any material in Alchemy, you are required to purify it first. It means that to get a piece of soul to bind to a diary, you need a pure soul.

Killing someone else won't sever your own soul from the spirit and the body, it's not how this works. Killing someone severs their spirit and therefore splits their body, spirit, and soul. Besides, an Ancient Greek man, like Herpo was, would hardly consider murder as vile as we do today. It wouldn't even cross his mind that any murder (even an indirect one) could harm one's own soul.

No, the only way to "split" a soul is to first sever it from life, disconnecting the bond between soul and body. Essentially, the only way to promise you immortality is to kill yourself.

I know it sounds a little confusing, but, essentially, once the soul is severed from the spirit and body you can split it. Think of the herbal oil, once you have the oil, separate from the rest of the plant parts, you can combine it with new ingredients. You can only work on a specific aspect once you severed it from the other two and as what binds all three together is spirit — life — the only way to do it for a human soul — is death.

But really, how?

Well, here comes the second thing we know about making Horcruxs — that dear Herpo was Ancient Greek.

In Ancient Greece they had multiple different religious cults, some of which were Chthonic cults. Cults that dedicated themselves to death or ditties and heroes associated with death and more importantly — rebirth.

Many of these cults were dedicated to figures like Orpheous, Dyonysus, Persephone, characters in mythology who are known for going through the underworld — through death — and coming back out. These cults were very secretive and not much is known about their practices, but some is.

What is known is that they had rituals were they reenacted a death and then rebirth (usually drinking wine — a water if life, was the representation of rebirth).

This created a very clear idea in my head — to split a soul, you'll have to ritualisticlly, magically kill yourself, severe a peice of your soul and then revive yourself with a water of life — a potion.

This potion is never mentioned, but I believe it exists due to these Chthonic cult rituals and how they were structured. Not only that, but the Greek underworld did have a river known for being incredibly painful to drink, literally made of fire, but being able to bring the dead back - The Phlegethon River.

Note: Lethe River Water (the river in the Greek Underworld that makes the drinker forget) is a canon ingredient in a Forgetfulness Potion.

So what is the dead body for?

Well, congratulations, you killed yourself to retrieve a sliver of your soul and revived yourself so you won't stay dead. You found an item you can keep secure to tie that sliver of soul, too. Now, how would you bind then? After all, the only thing meant to bind a human soul to a body is a human spirit - a human life... you get where I'm going with this.

This is why Tom didn't have to be the one to do the deed. As long as he had a recently deceased corpse to harvest the life from to use to bind his newly split soul and the item of his choice.

It explains why nothing was missing from the bodies. Myrtle and the Riddles were investigated by the Ministry of Magic. One would assume the aurors would've noticed if any corpse was missing a hand due to the killer eating it (as other Horcrux theories suggest).

Not only was nothing missing from the body, the soul was intact. Myrtle became a ghost after death, a ghost is quite literally, just the soul, no body, no spirit.

So the only thing that was taken from Tom's victims was their life, quite literally at that.

Is that all? Can we make a Horcrux now?

Not really. See, when analyzing spells in Harry Potter is their name.

Avada Kadevra - is a reference to an Aramaic healing spell "Abracadabra" pronounced in Aramaic as: "Avra Kadebra" and meaning "I will create as commanded". Merged with the Latin word "cadaver" meaning "corpse" to create -> "I will create dead bodies as commanded"

Or Wingardium Laviosa - is a cross of the English word "wing", the Latin word "arduus" (meaning "high, tall, lofty, steep, proudly elevated"), or "arduum" (meaning "steep place, the steep" and the Latin word "levo" (meaning to "raise, lift up"). So together the spell means -> "lift high up".

So, it's pretty clear spells, their names and incantations are very self-explanatory. So a Horcrux should be no different.

I've seen some attempts at translating the name Horcrux. Unfortunately, these attempts treated the name as Latin, modern Greek, or Old English. Herpo, was Ancient Greek, though, so I went and translated a few possible meanings from Ancient Greek (Classical Greek and Homeric Greek are what I looked at):

ὅρκος (orkus, pronounced "hor-kus") - an oath, the object by which one swears, bound by oath (still used in modern Greek).

κρόκες (crukes, pronounced "cru-kes") - saffron-colored (blood red in Greek), crocus flower. The crocus flower symbolizes both death (the saffron that is the spice) and rebirth (the golden crocus which brings renewal and joy) because Demeter wears them when Persephone returns from the underworld in myth.

So what we have is a spell called "binding oath of death and rebirth" which all around sounds fitting.

There might also be a "made in blood" tucked at the end due to the association of κρόκες with the color of blood.

But what does it matter?

Well, somewhat. As now with this name, I expect the binding between the spirit from the victim, the split soul, and the item would be done in a sort of oath - an orkus.

The association with blood gives us another hint. Blood is the part of the human body most representative of life. Therefore, in Alchemy, your blood is your spirit. So it'll make sense that your own blood would be used in the binding process or more correctly in the process of turning another person's spirit into your own. Making the thread to bind the body (item) and the soul piece your own. As it also refers to just a red firey color, it can indicate the Phlagatton potion I hypothesize should be part of the ritual due to how Chthonic rituals usually went, as the Phlagaton river is made of fire.

So we have a general idea on how to make a Horcrux. You need an item of your choice to bind your soul to. You need a life (spirit) harvested from a human that you transformed into being your own using your blood. And you need a piece of your own soul, which you get by killing yourself and then reviving yourself. And you finish it off by binding it all together with an oath.

But how could you make one accidentally?

So, everyone knows Voldemort succeeded in somehow making a Horcrux accidentally, something a lot of theories I saw don't account for. Becouse whatever process you need to go to to make a Horcrux, Voldemort went through all of it the night he died the first time and marked Harry.

All the steps for my method of making a Horcrux were met that night.

The item in qustion is baby Harry, nothing interesting there.

The soul sliver was split the way it always is — through death. Voldemort dies, killed by his own killing curse and that is what splits his soul.

The life or spirit that then binds his soul to Harry isn't Lily's spirit or James'; it's his own spirit that acts as a binder between Harry and Voldemort’s split soul. Because the spirit was already his, there was no need to transform it by blood.

Step-by-step guide to making Horcruxes:

I'm not going to actually give the full step-by-step least a budging dark lord is looking for this information. I do have notes about exact incantations and even the full recipe and instructions for the Phlagaton potion I'm going to mention. These instructions won't be here since they are more in the realm of speculation and headcanon. This is just the overview of the ritual based on canon information and the occult philosophy I mentioned above.

Step 1 - Life and Blood

Get access to a recently deceased human and extract their Mercury (Spirit or Life Essence).

Submerge the retrieved life essence with your own blood on a new moon (life and vitality). (7 drops of blood will probably do)

Step 2 - Water of Fire

To complete the cycle of death and rebirth you’ll need the Phlegeton Water potion to return you to life at the end of the cycle.

As you brew the potion, it must be brewed in a dark room, preferably underground to remind as much of the underworld as possible.

While brewing the potion one must be in the mindset of the Phlegeton, must be willing to go through agony to achieve eternal life and imbue these thoughts in their potion. (In alchemy, when working, it is believed you imbue your work with your thoughts during the Alchemical process. As an Alchemical process affects both the material being worked and the Alchemist themselves)

Likley Ingrediants:

Saffron spice

Golden crocus flower juice

Pomegranate juice

Step 3 - The Ritual Preparation

Set up your space so none of the components may escape the ritual space and so the ritual will not be interfered with.

Make sure the spirit you retrieved is within reach.

Make sure the item you desire will hold the Horcrux will be within reach as well.

Coax the spirit into the item and prepare it to tie your soul to the next step.

Step 4 - Death and Rebirth

To create a thread of your soul to tie to the ritual, you must die figuratively. Go through death to return stronger from the underworld.

Once you feel like death has reached you and your soul is separated you should heal your soul and finish the cycle, bringing you out of death and back to life by drinking the Phlegeton potion.

After the pain subsides you will feel healthier than before, stronger than before, and you’ll have an additional thread of sulfur (soul) in your chest to be pulled out and placed into the Horcrux.

The split-off soul should, on its own, try to search for life and a body to be bound to. If it doesn't, coax it out yourself and bind it to the Horcrux with the spirit you made in step 1.

Step 5 - Oath of Life

The connection between the body (the item), soul, and spirit is still unstable, if most likely strong enough to hold.

Swear the oath of life to finalise the bound between you, the Horcrux, and the soul thread together to ward off death.

I'll end with this note I made regarding Horcruxes when I started working on this theory:

I don't know what all goes into the process of making a Horcrux but I don't believe a person who truly likes themselves and doesn't want to inflict pain on themselves could make a Horcrux. Tearing up your soul is an act of arrogance above nature, sure, thinking you deserve to change the laws of the world and be the exception is part of it, but it's also an act of self-hatred. You need to hate yourself enough to be willing to kill yourself, hurt yourself, and tear yourself up in the most unnatural ways — hence why so few can do so, let alone more than once.

And Tom Riddle does seem to have that exact mix of arrogance, spite, and low self-esteem that would allow it.

[theblackdahliaemporium]

Dealing In Death: A Quick Guide To Death Magick

On the surface that might sound kind of scary, even downright evil, but I assure you it’s the farthest thing from. In this blog I will attempt to give you an in-site into the basics of death work. Please know that every witch does things their own unique way, so for the purposes of this work I will be trying to explain things in as unified a fashion as I can. This is intended to essentially be a starting point to bounce off of.

«~ • ~»

• Death Energy •

Death energy, simply put is energy called from death and death symbols. It’s about stillness, endings, and the deconstructing and reconstructing processes. It’s about using what’s in the past to fertilize what’s new and grow something that has purpose in the next step of your life. It’s about the acceptance of inevitability and what we can’t change to bring about what we can. Many practitioners call on death energy in everyday spell work the same way you would any other energy. In that sense it’s not to different from life energy.

«~ • ~»

• Cemetery Work •

For a lot of death witches, doing work in a cemetery or graveyard is a must, although there are those that don’t, a great deal more either do or will do when they get the chance. Lots goes into this type of work though and a thorough study on the subject should be done before pursuing this type of magick. However, some key points to remember are to always be respectful, obey the laws and rules of your land regarding the resting places, and listen to what the dead tell you.

It’s very important to recognize that there are always going to be practitioners that have their own unique rules on this subject, but the best way to know if the dead favor something or not is to ask them. What rules you inevitably believe should revolve around what the dead are comfortable with. That said, some of these rules are shared amongst practitioners. I have compiled a list below with some of them. Remember, this is very basic and what a practitioner adds or changes is up to them.

Typically these are the oldest spirits in the cemetery and are in charge of maintaining order. Most offerings include things like coins, drink, bread, or apples.

It’s important to let the spirits know what your intentions are. Will you be doing magick at the crossroads, magick at a grave, or foraging? The gatekeeper should let you know through energy what is acceptable. Remember each Cemetery is different and has different rules over all.

Gifts on a grave belong to the spirit dwelling there. It’s okay to pick up things like trash, or moldy flowers in still water but, rocks, dried or fresh flowers, feathers, etc should be left alone.

Try not to walk near the headstone of a grave (you’re walking on their body. Try to stay near the feet and always say excuse me politely if you have to step on it), always ask for a spirits help never demand it, and always bring them an offering as a thank you.

If you’re gathering dirt, sticks, or plants from a cemetery, even if it’s not on a grave, and you get a feeling like you shouldn’t touch it, then don’t. Spirits will always let you know what they want to keep. Obey that or it’s theft.

Being polite and thanking your hosts is always a must in general and can bring good energies between you and the dead. Especially if you intend on going back to work at that Cemetery.

«~ • ~»

• Necromancy •

Another common staple amongst death workers and arguably one of the most misunderstood practices. Simply put, this practice is divination with the dead. It’s all about connecting to and asking the dead for answers from the beyond. Lots of that used to be done in the cemetery and as a result many wild and fantastic rumors about zombie creation were formed, but that’s far from the truth. There were indeed many radical understandings within the practices history however but as science matured so did the knowledge on what this practice actually was.

While necromancy is still done in cemeteries even today, it’s not a must. Calling fourth a spirit can be done a number of ways and will definitely alter and change based on the witch. Some working maybe more cultural than others, and some may be more complex. The uniqueness of these practices can number well into the double digits and is always interesting to learn. Some of the most common spirit summoning techniques (aside from going directly to someone’s grave) are the spirit board, a mirror, and the pendulum. As for how these spirits are called, that too can differ from witch to witch. Most often though, it can involve candles or crystals as an energy source, a personal item or favored item like food, and/or the spirits name. It can be as simple as physically calling out to the abyss, beckoning the spirit forward or as elaborate a ritual as calling in the four directional guardians or a guide to lead them to you.

Regardless of how it’s done, it’s always a good rule of thumb to be respectful to them. Don’t demand from them, ask instead, and offer gratitude and an offering when you end the session.

«~ • ~»

• Deity and Spirit Guides •

Lots of death workers may worship deity just like any other practitioner. However the deity they are generally more drawn to are often either associated with the underworld or a psychopomp, like Osiris, Hades, Anubis, or Hecate. However they may also be a deity tide in some way to the personification of death, much like Thanatos.

Even if the witch chooses not to utilize deity they can still conjure up spiritual guides of some sort. These guides can be something as common as ancestral spirits or even animal spirits. Most common animal guides often have some death association and symbolism to them. So animals like Black cats, bats, vultures, owls, crows and ravens are quite popular.

«~ • ~»

• Bones & Body Parts •

Its not uncommon to see bones on the altars of death witches. Many beliefs around these tools and what they represent circulate within the community. For some specific animal bones it’s believed you can use that animal spirit and energy. Other beliefs revolve not around the animal itself but rather the type of bone, as each one has its own unique symbolism attached to it. The possibilities are near limitless and for most death practitioners they are a very necessary tool within the craft. Some practitioners even collect additional things like insect exoskeletons, animal skins, and preserved body parts like a rabbits foot.

DISCLAIMER! People should be made aware that it’s always encouraged for all materials to be ethnically sourced. Any form of unlawful collection or cruelty is frowned upon and not condoned within the community.

«~ • ~»

• Conclusion •

As started above, these are just some of the basics of death work within the pagan community and serves as a starting point to bounce off of. It’s very important to do your own research and come to your own conclusions regarding this craft and always remember to obey your local laws. Death work can be very fulfilling but not when it’s done under illegal circumstances.

[itsthislake]

Shen Yuan transmigrated as a Spirit Cat AU

Shen Yuan had only just finished processing the fact that he had reincarnated-slash-transmigrated at all after his death, never mind into a cat’s body, when he was forced to confront the equally insane reality that was this new world that he had ended up in.

A place that resembled ancient China, but where people didn’t bat an eye at seeing someone literally flying on a sword. A place where cultivation and immortality were very much real and attainable. A Xianxia world, basically. Like the setting for Proud Immortal Demon’s Way, the novel he had literally died cursing.

Shen Yuan had read enough novels in his life to, upon concluding this was in fact real and not just a very vivid hallucination, make the safe choice to send a very quick but genuinely heartfelt prayer to whatever deities were listening that he hadn’t somehow transmigrated into the world of Proud Immortal Demon’s Way.

God, he really hoped this wasn’t Proud Immortal Demon’s Way.

Anyway.

Getting used to being a cat after a lifetime of opposable thumbs and no tail wasn’t as hard as he imagined it’d be. His body seemed to know how to move even if he didn’t, and the new instincts and different senses were easy enough to get used to.

The hardest aspect of his new life was actually finding food, given how a vast majority of the people from the small village he’d woken up in seemed perfectly happy to ignore or even chase him out no matter how cute he acted. The rest were all small children, who at best could give him some sweets, and the two old ladies that lived a little up the hill and occasionally confused him for their own cat, Baobao.

So, naturally, he had taken to stealing from the bastards that annoyed him the most as a form of payback. They should’ve thought twice before throwing rocks at him if they didn’t want their food stolen. Shen Yuan had gotten pretty good at sneaking in and avoiding traps out of sheer pettiness in recent times.

…Perhaps he had gotten a little too good, actually.

Really, why else would the village chief decide to call for help catching him? Also! How could he have known they’d call a whole-ass cultivator to deal with him?! Wasn’t he just a normal (if smarter than average) cat?! Why were these people calling cultivators to deal with their day-to-day problems?! Wasn’t that just lazy?! Wasn’t it overkill?! What’s up with that?!

Shen Yuan hissed and attempted to scratch the hand that had grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and held him up in the air. The owner of the hand, a cultivator with a truly beautiful face, stared back at him utterly unimpressed.

“Stop that,” the cultivator said.

Shen Yuan hissed at him, but ultimately stopped struggling. He had given a good fight, even managing to scratch the man in the face before he was caught (something he was very proud of, despite the cultivator healing it with his qi almost immediately) but even he knew when to call it quits. He would just have to wait for the man to lower his guard before trying to escape again.

The cultivator huffed, then turned around to inform the village chief of his capture. Shen Yuan sullenly endured the whole song and dance, hissing at any bastard that looked too smug on the way. It was only as they were walking out of the village that the cultivator lifted Shen Yuan up to eye level and stared.

“How did a creature like you even end up in this place?” he suddenly asked, eyes narrowed with a level of suspicion that was, frankly, uncalled for. “Your kind isn’t from this area.”

What kind! What creature! He was just a normal cat! Shen Yuan had seen plenty of them around the village, had gotten into fights with old strays for some food more than once. He had convinced little Baobao to not attack him on sight even!

“I’m taking you back to my sect. Will you attack me if I try to hold you properly?”

Yes, Shen Yuan meowled viciously.

As if he understood anything, the cultivator nodded once and unsheathed his sword. Then he stood on it and took up flight holy fucking shit—

Shen Yuan made an alarmed sound, holding on for dear life the moment the cultivator moved him close to his chest. He sunk his claws deep on the silver robes, not wanting to find out if cats truly had nine lives in this world or if he’d survive a fall this high, and glared viciously at the man.

The cultivator had the gall to look amused.

 ---

The moment they landed, Shen Yuan wasted no time jumping away. Unfortunately, the man’s reflexes were faster than him and he managed to catch Shen Yuan before his paws could even graze the ground.

Shen Yuan meowled pitifully, turning big sad eyes that had occasionally gotten him free food in his direction. He even heard a number of young kids in the background stop and coo at him.

The man, apparently heartless, only raised an eyebrow.

Shen Yuan sighed and resigned himself to his fate for the foreseeable future. Settling down on the man’s arms (they were unexpectedly comfortable and warm, okay?), he watched idly as people hurried about, barely stopping to bow in the cultivator’s direction and glance curiously at Shen Yuan before continuing on their ways.

Eventually they reached what was definitely some kind of doctor’s office and the cultivator barged in like he owned the place. Shen Yuan could’ve believed that, if it weren’t for the real owner of the office looking up sharply from behind the cluttered desk at their entrance.

“Liu-shixiong!” The poor doctor looked genuinely startled, understandably so, as he reflexively stood up. He hadn’t even seemed to notice Shen Yuan yet. “How may this shidi help you?”

In response, the cultivator —Liu?— shifted Shen Yuan in his arm so he was more visible while still keeping a tight hold on him. Not like there was anywhere for him to run, mind you, seeing as all entrances to the office were firmly shut.

The doctor blinked and adjusted his glasses, peering closely at Shen Yuan.

“Is… that a Colored Claw Spirit Cat?” the doctor asked slowly, and for some reason he looked just as baffled as Shen Yuan abruptly felt.

Excuse me? I’m a what now?

“En,” the cultivator confirmed. “I found him terrorizing a village near Huan Hua Palace. With Lan Qingyi in seclusion, I thought you could give him a check-up.”

‘Terrorizing’ was too strong a word for what he’d been doing, in Shen Yuan’s honest opinion. He was only trying to eat! It was everyone else that overreacted to his presence! Also, Huan Hua Palace? Why did that sound familiar? Did he hear of it somewhere in the village?

“Hmm. I agree that Lan-shijie would be best for this. I don’t think anyone else at her peak has even seen a Colored Claw Spirit Cat in person before, given how rare they are,” the doctor agreed, rummaging through drawers for this and that. “Alright. Set him on the table, please. This shidi will see what he can do.”

“He’ll attack you,” the cultivator warned as he gently set him down on the table, one arm posed to catch him were he to try and get away. Shen Yuan stared at him deadpan. Again, there was nowhere for him to run unless someone were to open the door for him.

The doctor settled a couple of items down on the table next to him and smiled wearily at the cultivator.

“Ah, how much does shixiong know about Spirit Cats?”

“I know they have the capacity to cultivate a human form, as well as achieve immortality. Though it’s extremely rare.”

Shen Yuan… had not known any of that. In fact, up until a couple minutes ago, he was convinced he was just a normal cat. It’s not like he had any other frame of reference to work with here. All the little kids at the village called him a cat and rural villages from Xianxia worlds were hardly overflowing with mirrors. He couldn’t have possibly known if there was anything special about his appearance that gave him away as not-a-normal-cat.

But this… wasn’t this kind of cool actually? He could become an immortal master! And get back his human form! And have opposable thumbs again! God, did he miss those.

Unaware of Shen Yuan’s growing excitement, the doctor nodded at the cultivator’s words.

“Shixiong is correct. Furthermore, Spirit Cats tend to have a level of sentience on par with humans long before acquiring a human form themselves. One can usually tell their age just by how much they’re able to understand, since even young ones are somewhat intelligent. This one certainly seems to understand us just fine. Isn’t that right, esteemed spirit?”

Not expecting to be addressed so suddenly, or at all, Shen Yuan gave the doctor a somewhat startled meow, tail twitching.

“See? This one must be a teenager on the cusp of adulthood. His growth phase must not be long now.”

Growth phase? Shen Yuan wondered, then filed it away for later thought, alongside all that information about Spirit Cats.

The cultivator grunted, eyeing Shen Yuan for a moment before finally stepping back, seemingly deciding that Shen Yuan wasn’t about to run for the hills if he let down his guard. Shen Yuan, no longer worried about acting out of character for a normal cat, pointedly rolled his eyes at him.

An odd noise drew his gaze back to the doctor, who quickly schooled his expression back to a mask of pleasant neutrality.

“Esteemed spirit, this Mu Qingfang will examine you now and narrate what he is doing. Would that be acceptable?”

Shen Yuan meowed an affirmation, something about that sentence tickling at the back of his mind, and the doctor finally got started.

It was only a moment later that the realization hit him in full.

Mu Qingfang, a healer. ‘Liu-shixiong,’ who flew them all the way here and up a mountain. Even the off-handed mention of goddamn Huan Hua Palace.

Oh fuck.

He’s inside of Proud Immortal Demon’s Way.

---

Next Chapter.

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Closed Position: Week 3 (Cha Cha Part 1)

Closed Position Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist Dieter Bravo x OFC (Katarina)

Series Summary: Dieter Bravo, now sober, was looking to change his bad boy image after hitting rock bottom. His team hoped that having him join the nationally televised family friendly dance competition, Dancing with the Stars, would be a good first step, if they can keep him out of trouble. 

Katarina Stamos expected her last season as a professional dancer on the show to go the same as it had for the past thirteen seasons. That all changed when she was partnered with the infamous Dieter Bravo. 

Dieter and Katarina are reluctantly thrown into their partnership and must learn to work together to succeed in the competition. In the process they form a deeper connection beyond the dance floor that neither anticipated.

Chapter Word Count: 9.9k

👉 Warnings: Themes dealing with intimate partner violence, past alcohol abuse, and past drug abuse. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn. Read at your own risk. Dieter Bravo comes with his own warnings. 👉 Chapter Warnings: Intimate partner violence, mentions of blood and injury.

Chapter Quote: “Bravo…that’s almost obscene.”

Katarina's POV

The last few days had been a lot. Alec seemed to be getting more possessive over me when Dieter was around. It was causing an uneasiness to creep in, and I didn’t really know how to handle it. I was beginning to get a sense that it was eventually going to build up to something bad if he didn’t tone it down. I hated it. It made me feel like I had to filter things or behave in a certain way when it came to Dieter. 

I found myself wanting to protect Dieter from any negativity that might be thrust upon him. That urge became clearer to me while we were waiting for our spray tans. One of the PAs had made a nasty comment to him about his past that was completely unnecessary. Dieter took it all in stride and was nice about it even though he had every right not to be. I nearly said something to the girl, but Alec stopped me, grabbing my wrist and squeezing tightly as a warning to stay out of it. He had to make matters worse by laughing at the interaction. I actually felt ashamed to be associated with him at that moment. It was clear that the comment had upset Dieter. I could see the hurt etched on his face. I wanted to check in with him and make sure he was ok, but Alec stepped between us, blocking me from going to him. He did it casually, but I knew he was doing it on purpose. 

Luckily, we were soon interrupted by staff calling us in for our spray tans, giving me an opportunity to think through the incident without Alec being in my face. The only thought I could focus on was finding Dieter to check on him. As soon as I was finished, I hurried back to my dressing room to change, then went to Dieter’s. I felt relief washing over me when I heard his voice through the door telling me to come in. I took a quick look around to make sure Alec wasn’t lurking before I entered and closed the door behind me. 

I wasn’t expecting the sight that greeted me. Dieter was sitting in the chair in front of the vanity, wearing only his robe and black boxer briefs. The robe was hanging open at his sides as he sat slouched against the backrest of the seat with his legs spread wide. The way he was slouching had the robe hanging open completely. I could see all of him. As if his toned chest and soft tummy wasn’t already haunting my thoughts, I could now add his thick thighs and generously sized bulge to the visuals. I found myself having the sudden urge to stand between his open legs and straddle his hips. 

I was snapped out of my thoughts by Dieter apologizing and tying the robe shut. I could feel my face heating, realizing he probably noticed that I was basically salivating over him. I managed to pull my thoughts together enough to remember why I was there and asked him if he was ok. He seemed unphased by it now, but I knew it bothered him. I knew he didn’t like to show when he was upset. It wasn’t the first time I had witnessed him brushing things off like they were not that big of a deal. I ended up letting it go, not wanting to pry. He knew I was there for him if he wanted to talk about it. 

I changed the subject by asking him about his feelings regarding our upcoming performance. Something shifted between us then. As his brown eyes stared into mine, an odd tension formed, tugging me toward him. I wanted to feel his warm skin, to run my fingers through his messy curls while taking his pillowy bottom lip between mine. I needed to get out of the room. I soon said my goodbyes, then he stunned me by asking if I was going with Alec. Butterflies formed in my stomach over the question. He seemed pleased when I said I was going home, alone. The thought that he cared excited me more than it should have. 

I chastised myself the whole drive home. I needed to get these thoughts out of my head. It wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair to Alec, especially since I was still punishing him over his past behaviors. What I was doing wasn’t much better. Then again, they were just thoughts. I hadn’t actually acted on them like he had. I could control myself and be loyal to him, even if he didn’t do the same for me. 

When I received the ‘thank you’ text from Dieter later that evening, my heart broke for him a little. I knew it probably took a lot for him to send me that message and I hated that he felt like he didn’t have many people in his corner. I had to reword my reply several times, suddenly feeling the need to establish a boundary. It was more for me than anything. It was necessary, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t break me a little. That one word, friend, said so many things without saying anything at all, and they all felt like lies. 

Monday morning, I managed to get myself together and focus on the performance. I was in competition mode, arriving early to speak with the band and lighting teams before any of the other couples. Dieter arrived soon after I did. I could tell he was nervous, and I did what I could to help alleviate his anxiety. I made sure to talk him through everything that was happening and let him know what to expect. During our first run through, I was quick to throw out some verbal cues, realizing that the band’s version of the song was messing him up a little. However, once he picked it up, he was good to go.

The rest of the morning might as well have been an out of body experience. It went by so fast it almost didn’t seem real. Dieter and I did have a moment during our final fittings. I ended up telling him about my arthritis issues, reasoning that he probably needed to know anyway. I knew it would inevitably become a problem the longer we stayed in the competition. It would be an obstacle that we would have to overcome together if we wanted to make it to the end. I felt the need to thank him for trusting my abilities and for trusting me with his sobriety. His confidence in me really did mean a lot, probably more than he realized.  

At some point in the day, I noticed Anika eyeing Dieter. She was becoming more obvious about it as the day went on. Anika was known for doing the bidding of the producers, so I was always wary of her intentions. I didn’t trust the girl. The fact that she was infamous for partying gave me all sorts of red flags. I was worried she would try to pull Dieter into something that would result in a tabloid frenzy and ultimately threaten his sobriety. I felt the need to warn Dieter about her, but he seemed to already be aware of her partying ways. It made my stomach flutter a little to know that he wasn’t interested, even though she was completely gorgeous. 

I was surprised when Dieter went into details about his dating life and how forthcoming he was about his history. I could feel my heart clenching in my chest as he told me that he never had a real relationship - always feeling like he was being used for gains which made it hard for him to trust anyone. Yet, he trusted me. I could feel the weight of his trust bearing down on me at that moment. I never wanted to let him down - whether it be as a friend or otherwise. 

Once showtime finally rolled around, I could tell that Dieter was still nervous when I left him for the group performance. So, I made a point to grab my phone before I went to meet back up with him in the staging area. I had a feeling he would appreciate some hype music. I wanted to help him loosen up so he could enjoy the experience. It seemed to work like a charm as he joined in with me, moving to the beat of the song. 

We were all smiles as we took our places on the dance floor, buzzing from excitement and the energy in the room. I’m not sure what happened once the music started. The chemistry between us sparked and was unlike anything I had ever felt. It had never been like that with Alec, and at one time, I didn’t think anything could beat the high I used to get with him. However, Dieter was somehow exceeding it. His eyes had turned into dark pools of emotion that I could have gotten lost in if given the chance. Feeling his hands on the bare skin of my back had me burning for more. I didn’t want him to ever stop touching me. It was a craving that couldn’t be satiated in its current form. I could have done this with him all night, but it came to an end all too quickly. 

I could still feel the ghost of his fingertips on my back as we waited for our scores. It took everything in me to put that feeling out of my consciousness. I don’t think I heard half of what he said during the interview. All I could focus on was the heat of his hand in mind - wondering what those hands would feel like roaming other parts of my body. I finally snapped back to reality once they got ready to announce our scores. 

I knew we had done well, but I was shocked over the numbers. I had never scored that high since joining the cast. It was a testament to how amazing Dieter was and the strong connection we were already forming. I knew the connection would only get stronger from here, which was concerning. I knew I needed to get my attraction to him under control before it got out of hand. 

My thoughts shifted again after Alec’s performance. He and Lana clearly had a strong connection too. It was hard for me to not imagine the worst, but I really had no reason to. Yet, anyway. I was a little concerned that they seemed to be our biggest rivals and silently hoped it wasn’t going to cause more tension between Alec and me. We weren’t usually competitive. Then again, I had never been placed with a partner that was able to be. It would create a new dynamic for sure and probably only fuel his dislike of Dieter to another level. 

Dieter seemed to be in good spirits when he arrived for our Tuesday morning production meeting with Stacia and Joe. He entered the lobby with a glowing smile on his face and a coffee in each hand, passing one to me as he sat in the seat beside me. I couldn’t help smiling back at him as I took in how his deep purple v-neck t-shirt hugged his arms and chest. His hair was messy, but somehow looked like it was styled that way. The soft looking texture of it was making my fingers twitch, begging to touch the silky waves. After realizing I had been staring without actually saying anything to him, I finally managed to squeak out, “How are you feeling after the first performance?” 

He laughed, “I was so amped up last night after I got home…I had trouble falling asleep. I still can’t believe our scores. This whole experience is just insane. I was really expecting to make a fool of myself”

His eyes were bright as he spoke, a childlike excitement clear on his face. He’s too fucking adorable. I chuckled, “I admit, I was pretty amped up too. I’ve never had scores that good the first round…or ever, actually. I’m just afraid of what that means for us going forward in these meetings. You know they’re definitely gonna have an agenda now.”  

Dieter raised his brows, inhaling deeply before he responded, “Yeah…well, let them. Doesn’t mean we have to play into it. As long as we stay on the same page, I don’t think it’ll be that big of an issue.” 

I pursed my lips and nodded as one of the PA’s came out to say they were ready for us. Dieter followed behind me into the conference room. I felt his hand on my lower back as I nearly bumped into him in my attempt to get the chair to scoot out from under the table so I could sit. I glanced up at him with a small smile and apologized. He reached down and gave the chair a yank to get it to scoot out for me. Stacia and Joe watched us as we got settled, silently exchanging glances with each other. Once we were finally situated across the table from them, Stacia gave us a bright smile before she spoke, “Well, it looks like you two are the stars of the show this season. The fans are buzzing on social media.” Her eyes focused on Dieter, “It seems you're a favorite with the ladies…for several reasons. We might have to play that up a little.” 

Dieter’s brows furrowed, “Do I even wanna know what that means?” 

Joe chuckled as Stacia leaned forward with an amused look, “You know…turn up the sex appeal. More open buttons, maybe some sheer tops.” 

Dieter rolled his eyes and huffed out a sarcastic, “Yeah…ok.”

Joe was looking at me now, “Kat, it seems you were a stand out in the group performances too. Everyone was talking about how you stole the show. We may have to put a little more focus on you since that’s what the people want.”

I could feel my eyebrows raise up to my hairline. What the fuck is this? I didn’t even bother to respond. I glanced over at Dieter, who was staring across the table with a smug look on his face, which I found to be odd. I turned back to Stacia and Joe just in time to catch them eyeing each other for a moment before either of them spoke again. I could feel Dieter’s leg bumping against mine under the table. He cut his eyes toward me briefly, pursing his lips. I gave him a look that said, “Yeah, I caught it too” before my focus shifted back to them. They looked like they were trying to decide who should breach the next subject. It was finally Stacia who broke the silence, “So, another hot topic was the chemistry between you two. Honestly, it surprised the hell out of us…I most definitely didn’t see it coming, buuut you two are amazing together.”

I glanced over at Dieter, his eyes were narrowed as he glared at Stacia. Geez he looks pissed. It was my turn to bump his leg. It gave him a start, but he got the hint and diverted his gaze, suddenly interested in his fingernails. I stared at Stacia with a neutral expression, waiting for her to get to the point. When we didn’t say anything, her confidence seemed to falter. 

“Given that…perhaps you two could play it up for the cameras a bit. Especially during rehearsal filming. You’ve both been pretty tame so far.” She added.

I furrowed my brows, “Tame? What, you want us to be dancing monkeys? You know good and well I’m not doing that. We answer your questions, and we practice dancing. I don’t know what more you could possibly want.” 

Joe leaned forward on his elbow, “Less focus and more passion…maybe a little flirting.” 

I let out a sarcastic laugh, “That’s not gonna happen and you know why. Besides, it’s not like that with us. We’ve become close, yes…but as friends. Why can’t you just portray it as it is?” 

Joe sighed, “Ok, maybe flirty was the wrong word…we can work with a buddy thing. Maybe have more fun while you do it? Just stop being so damn serious.” 

Dieter smacked his hand down on the table, startling all of us. “You’ll get what you get. We’re taking this competition seriously. We don’t have rehearsal time to waste on your foolishness…I’m not gonna fake shit for your ratings and I'm not putting Kat in that position.”

Ok, so this is new, and I didn’t need to witness it because angry Dieter is fucking hot. My thighs involuntarily clenched together. I just stared at him, my mouth hanging open slightly. Based on the silent room, I had a feeling the other two were just as shocked as I was.

Dieter suddenly looked unsure of himself as he glanced over at my stunned face. We need to stick together on this. I peeled my eyes away from him to look at Stacia and Joe. I cleared my throat, “I agree with him. You’ll get what you get…but I will try to relax some while we’re filming. I do want them to stop asking us stupid questions though. You know the ones I’m referring to. It puts me in a bad mood.” Dieter pointed at me, nodding in agreement. 

Stacia glared at me as Joe nodded. She knew she was going to have to let the whirlwind romance story go because we were not falling for it. She finally sighed and relented, “Fine, I’ll tell them to change their line of questioning…let things play out however they play out.” She rolled her eyes, opening her binder to sift through it, pulling out the mock ups for this week's costumes and sliding them over to us. “Anyway, here’s your costume sketches. We have you scheduled for the Cha Cha to She Bangs. You’ll be filming on Thursday again this week.” Great…getting into the Latin dances already. I glanced down at our costumes. Mine was a standard Latin style dress - short, low back, red, and lots of fringe. Dieter would have a fitted matching red suit with a dark zebra print shirt underneath. It gave off sort of a 70’s vibe. 

Dieter glanced at me with questioning eyes. I shrugged, “I’m good with it.”  Dieter nodded, “Me too.” 

We sat in silence for a moment. It seemed like they didn’t have anything else to say. Dieter glanced between the three of us, “Are we done here?” 

Stacia smirked, “Yeah, unless there’s anything else we need to discuss.” Why do I feel like she’s waiting for something? Dieter and I both shook our heads. He looked just as perplexed by her question as I was. 

We shuffled out of the conference room in silence, neither of us saying anything until we were in the parking lot. He suddenly stopped and turned toward me, “The audacity of those people. I can’t believe they just asked us to do that. That’s putting you in a terrible situation. I don’t like it.”

I snorted, “Doesn’t surprise me in the least. There’s no telling what else they’re up to. I don’t think they’ll let it go that easily.” 

He chewed on the inside of his cheek, nodding at my words, “I agree. I feel like there are shenanigans afoot with those two.”

I laughed loudly, “Shenanigans? Did you really just say shenanigans?” 

He feigned offense, “Yes, ma’am I did. What of it?” 

I chuckled, “That’s just a word I never thought I would hear out of Dieter Bravo’s mouth.” 

A cheesy smile spread across his face. He seemed pleased with himself. We stared at each other for a beat, which caused the heat to pool at my center. I cleared my throat, “Well…you ready for some lunch?” My voice sounded off, lower. I felt like he noticed. His eyebrow twitched slightly as he stared at my face with a smoldering look in his eye, then nodded. I felt like I wanted to combust. Get your shit together Kat. “You wanna try that Mexican place on Spring Street?” He asked.

My lip turned upward on one side, “Sure…I’ll follow you.” 

Lunch was interesting. Spending time with Dieter outside of rehearsals was definitely allowing things to evolve between us. I was getting to know him on another level. He spent at least fifteen minutes telling me about the different personalities of his plants. He talked about them like they were people, smiling shyly as he told me about his favorites. There was something incredibly endearing about it. I kept asking him questions just to keep him talking. My questions seemed to ignite an excitement in him, thrilled that I was showing interest in his hobby. The care and attention that he seemed to lavish on his plants was surprising to me. I was quickly finding that Dieter Bravo was nothing like I expected. He was sweet and attentive. There was a tenderness to him that sort of melted my heart.  

Before we knew it, it was time to leave for rehearsals. I was almost sad that our free time had to end. I felt an overwhelming need to know more about his personal life. To know him - his likes, his dislikes. Everything. He was my new favorite puzzle, and I was dying to fit all the pieces together. I found myself already longing for our next lunch outing.

Once we got to the studio, we both got changed before settling in to listen to our track and talk through our plans for the performance. Dieter sat quietly, listening to the lyrics a few times, finally speaking up to voice his thoughts.

“I think we should play up the lyrics a bit…not the surface level sex appeal of it. I think it’s a little deeper than that. The guy is clearly in love with this woman, she’s become his whole universe. He wants to be with her, but she’s blowing him off. So, there’s kind of a pining there. He’s gonna do everything he can to win her over. You know what I mean?” 

He rubbed at his lips and chin as he spoke, it was distracting, but his words still held my attention. Damn. Who knew Dieter Bravo could get deep with a Ricky Martin song? My brows arched, surprised by his analysis. My mouth also went a little dry realizing what it meant. 

“I think that’s a good evaluation. So…yeah…let’s play into that. You lavish me with love and affection, and I’ll be dismissive about it.” I wanted to disappear as soon as the words left my mouth. I cringed. Dieter stared at me with that cocky smirk of his as his left brow twitched upward slightly, “I think that’s exactly how we should do it.” 

I nodded slowly, “Ok…so, let’s go over the Cha Cha basics before we get too far into things. There are certain moves that we’ll want to incorporate that the judges will be looking for.”

Dieter followed me to the center of the dance floor. I could tell from his reflection in the mirrored wall that his eyes were on me the entire time. He had an intense look on his face as I turned to face him. His eyebrows arched as his gaze settled on my face. 

“So, the Cha Cha is a Latin style dance that originated from Cuba. The characteristics of the dance are fast, sharp, and crisp movements with a heel to toe lead. The heel to toe allows you to follow through with straight legs. Straightening and bending the knees is gonna give the Cuban movement the dance is known for. We’ve gotta be expressive with our full body and arms to pull it off correctly.” 

As I was explaining the movements, I went through the motions slowly, so that he could see what I was saying as I said it. I paused briefly to make sure he was following because he was starting to look a little overwhelmed, but he insisted he was good. I then went into showing him different types of hip movements and added the steps for cuban breaks, compact chassis, and New Yorkers. I had him go through the steps slowly afterward. He seemed to pick them up quickly, but his movements were a little rigid and still needed work. I figured it would come easier to him the more we got into it, especially when he was more relaxed and less fixated on how he was moving.

We threw ourselves into building the routine after that. Dieter seemed more unsure of himself as the morning went on. This wasn’t the Foxtrot. Latin dances by default had a sexual undertone and sensuality to them that I don’t think he was prepared for. 

“Ya know, you’re gonna have to touch me to do this correctly, right? I need to trust that you’re not gonna drop me. Stop hesitating”

“I guess I didn’t realize how intimate this was gonna be. I feel like I need to at least buy you dinner first or something.” He let out a low chuckle at himself, avoiding my gaze. I rolled my eyes and smirked at his flustered and embarrassed expression. He continued to surprise me. He really was nothing like the tabloids made him out to be. He’s much more of a gentleman than I would have guessed. 

I stared at him for a beat, momentarily distracted by the idea of a dinner date with him and the sweaty curls that were hanging down over his forehead before I could formulate my response. I briefly wondered how gentlemanly he was in bed…I shook my head slightly to clear it. Don’t go there Kat. I puffed air out of my cheeks before finally speaking. 

“You didn’t realize? Surely you realized…you’re gonna be touching my thighs, hips, ass, waist, and on occasion, there may be an accidental boob graze. You need to get over that fast or this isn’t gonna work. I promise, it’s not a problem unless you’re intentionally copping a feel.”

Who am I kidding? I’d probably let him. Dieter appeared to be more embarrassed by my words as his face turned pink. He nodded in understanding. His big brown eyes were rounded as we moved back to our starting position. He placed his hands lightly on my hips, clearly not taking my advice. I moved my hands to rest atop his and added pressure, indicating how tight his grip should be. Without letting go, I moved backwards, closer to his front because he was still standing too far away. I could feel his entire body stiffen slightly as his searing heat pressed into me from head to toe. My hands tingled where they were connected with his. It was at that moment that I realized being paired with this man was potentially going to be a problem. I couldn’t deny it anymore. Something was brewing just under the surface, threatening to spill over at any moment. 

When we got into the steps that involved hip movements, Dieter was having a hard time. He watched me with a furrowed brow as I again explained and demonstrated the proper way he needed to pop his hips. He looked a little overwhelmed as he watched me, his mouth hanging open slightly. 

“You’re too stiff. You need to relax some and let those loose hips do their thing.” I had to mentally berate myself because my mind went spiraling after those words left my mouth. 

Dieter chuckled, “This is ridiculous. Here I was thinking I was gonna be like Johnny and have all the moves, but instead I feel like Baby carrying the fucking watermelons.”  

I snorted, “I’ll withhold my crude watermelon joke because it’d be inappropriate…”

It was Dieter’s turn to snort, “I can’t believe you just went there.” 

I shrugged, still laughing, “Look, nobody puts Baby in the corner…right? I’m not gonna let anyone put Bravo in the corner either. We’re gonna get this. Just relax some. I don’t understand why you're so tense today. I know you move better than this.”  

He grimaced, “I know…I think I’m just getting in my head about it. I’m not focused on the right things…” 

I arched a brow at him, “What are you focused on then?”

His eyes widened. He had sort of an odd expression on his face, “Umm…just…you know…”

I shook my head, “No, I don’t. Please enlighten me.” 

Dieter sighed heavily, searching for his words. “Well…I don’t wanna make an ass of myself…” 

I grabbed his arm and peered up at him, “Hey, I told you. I’ve got you.” 

He gave me a small smile. I pulled my hand away, “Let’s take a break…give you a minute to clear your head.” 

He nodded, then moved over toward his gym bag and collapsed rather dramatically on the floor next to it, “I can see why you say the Latin dances do a number on you. My hips and lower back are not happy.” 

I smiled, moving to grab my water bottle, “I told you. That’s why I’ve been on you about stretching.”

He rolled his eyes and groaned as he shifted to get something out of the bag.

“You want a snack?” He asked. 

I chuckled, “Whatcha got?”

He gasped dramatically, “Well damn, why didn’t I think of this sooner!” 

I gave him an amused look, “What?” 

His eyes lit up, “I promised you a nickname. I finally have it!” 

He turned the plastic wrapper around to show it to me with a big ass grin on his face. It was a king sized Kit Kat bar. 

I sighed, my lips set into a tight line. I was not amused. “You wanna name me after something you like to eat?” 

He chuckled before plopping a piece of the chocolate into his mouth and wagged his brows at me, “My favorite thing to eat…” 

Fucking hell. I felt my whole core clench. I pursed my lips, “Bravo…that’s almost obscene.”

He snorted out a laugh, “Geez, your mind is in the gutter today. That’s not what I meant.” 

I shook my head, “That’s gonna be a no for me. Be more creative.” I wasn’t going to be able to hear that name without thinking of him saying it was his favorite thing to eat. It would wreck me. 

Dieter sighed, “Nope. Not gonna do it. I’m sticking with it and you're gonna love it.” 

I huffed out a laugh, “This might be what gets you throat punched. Consider this your warning.” 

He snickered, shoving another big piece in his mouth before sucking chocolate off his fingers. I suddenly had that down-low tingly feeling from watching the way his lips wrapped around and latched onto his large digits. My mind immediately took that visual and ran with it. Fuck, I can’t take much more of this. He held up the rest of the bar that was still in the wrapper and offered it to me. I gave him a polite “no thanks” before turning away, attempting to get that image of him out of my head. This is beyond ridiculous. I was going to need a cold shower tonight. 

We got back to it after that. Dieter was doing better, but still seemed restrained. We surprisingly managed to plan out most of the routine. He was very involved with that process this time, seeming to feel more comfortable with expressing his ideas. It was some progress at least. 

By the time I got home that evening, my whole body was beginning to ache. I could already tell the coming weeks were going to be rough on me. I just really hoped I could keep it together to make it to the end if we didn’t get voted out. I had a quick dinner, took some anti-inflammatories, then ran myself a steaming Epsom salt bath.

Soon after I got settled into the tub, I got a text from Alec asking if he could come over and spend some time with me. I sighed. I wasn’t sure if I had it in me to deal with him. I knew he would end up wanting to have sex and I didn’t have the energy for it. Suddenly, curious to how he would respond, I started typing.

Me: I’m aching and not feeling great after rehearsals. We got stuck with a Latin routine this week. I’m just going to relax for a bit then go to bed. I wouldn’t mind if you came over to cuddle and watch Netflix or something though.

The status changed to read immediately, but it took him a few minutes to reply. 

Alec: No, that’s ok baby. You rest. Get to bed early. I know that wears you down. I’ll see you tomorrow.

Part of me was happy Alec wasn’t coming over. The other half was disappointed that he didn’t want to make a fuss over it and pamper me. Then again, he had never really been the type to do that. So, I shouldn’t have been surprised. Being hyper aware of my growing attraction to Dieter was causing me to realize some things. The qualities that I was discovering about him made me realize where Alec was lacking. I wasn’t really sure what that meant. Did I want something else now? Or was this just the product of the situation we found ourselves in? 

My thoughts shifted to how Dieter had been so unsure of himself today. He had been so nervous with me. He was going to have to learn how to relax and get over his physical contact phobia. It wasn’t the first time I had been faced with this problem. I needed to get him in a less formal setting so he could chill and have a little fun. Somewhere that had a lot of energy to feed off of. 

I grabbed my phone and pulled up Dieter’s number. 

Me: We’re going on a field trip tomorrow, so don’t show up in your gym clothes. Just bring them with you, we can change later. 

Dieter: Interesting…I’m not gonna go missing over the Kit Kat thing, right? I’m telling my assistant that I’ll be with you, just so you know. We have a buddy system. 

I snorted. That wasn’t the reply I was expecting. I loved his sense of humor. 

Me: If I wanted to make you disappear, I’d be stealthier about it. 😉 (winking emoji) Actually, there is this Latin dance club that I want to take you to. Let’s call it an immersive learning experience.

I smiled to myself as I hit send. The bubbles immediately began bouncing, indicating that he was typing out a reply. 

Dieter: Sooo, what I’m getting from that is I get to experience a new form of torture. Got it. 👍 (thumbs up emoji)

Dieter: I’ll be sure to pregame with some pain relievers and a liter of water. 😂 (laughing with tears emoji)

I laughed, the smile stayed plastered across my face as I typed.

Me: Good. That means you’ll have no excuses for your whining then. I’ll meet you at the dance studio after group rehearsals. 

Dieter: I’ll be there with my dancing shoes on. 🕺 (male disco dancer emoji) 

Me: LOL. I’ll see you then. Goodnight. 

Dieter: Goodnight, Kit Kat. 

Me: 🖕 (middle finger emoji)

Dieter: I’ll pretend that’s a waving hand and not be offended.

Me: Whatever helps you sleep better. Goodnight. 😉 (winking emoji)

I was still smiling when I set my phone down. Now we were texting. I shook my head, realizing the lines were blurring. I sighed, hoping this didn’t turn into something that it shouldn’t. 

The next morning seemed like it was dragging. I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but I was excited about taking Dieter to the Latin club. It was a new experience with him, and I craved it. Which probably explains why each minute felt like an hour in group rehearsals. Stacia and Joe were true to their word, because I found myself front and center this week with Alec as my partner. He was in a grouchy mood, seeming to be hungover again and he was doing a terrible job. Dealing with him like this almost made the experience unbearable. I was tempted to ask for a different partner but didn’t want to get any rumors started. I half hoped the choreographer, Emily, would get sick of his shit and swap him out with someone, but she hadn’t yet. I could see the frustration on her face though. I wouldn’t have blamed her if she decided to make that change. Honestly, I probably would have welcomed it. 

As I was gathering my things to leave, Alec was at my side, asking if he could stay with me tonight. He hadn’t even bothered to ask how I was feeling, which kind of rubbed me the wrong way. I relented, deciding that I did need to put in more of an effort if he was willing to. Though I wasn’t sure how much he was actually putting into things. 

Luckily, we got out a little early so that I had time to run home to shower and make myself look a little more human. I threw on a simple knee length black cotton dress with flats, grabbed my bag, then headed out the door to meet Dieter. He was at the dance studio already, waiting in his car. As I approached, I noticed he had his head back on the headrest with his eyes closed. I startled him by pulling the passenger side door open and laughed loudly over his reaction. 

“You know, you shouldn’t sit around with your doors unlocked. That’s how people go missing.” 

He chuckled, “Noted.” 

He gave me a timid smile as he ran his hands up and down his thighs, “You want me to drive?”

I shrugged and mumbled “sure” as I plopped down in the passenger seat. 

I glanced over at him as he backed out of the parking spot, he had on black pants and a baby blue button up shirt that had a silky sheen to it. The sleeves were rolled up, of course. The color really made his golden skin tone stand out more than usual. He was also wearing a couple of rings that he typically didn’t have on. I don’t know why, but I found the rings to be kind of hot. They were causing my eyes to linger on his hands and how they made everything look so fucking small. 

I noticed that he seemed more relaxed than he had been the previous day as he glanced over at me with a smile before pulling out onto the road, “Where are we going?” He asked. 

“It’s that place on South Hill Street. You know it?”

He nodded, “I know enough to get us in the vicinity of it.” 

I chuckled, glancing over at him again, “You look nice. Are those dress pants?” 

He pursed his lips as he glanced down, “I’m not sure…I think they may actually be gym pants…but, they're cool and comfortable. That’s all I was worried about.” 

He smiled my way as I laughed and shook my head at him. “Hey, it works. I get it. It’s the same reason I wore this,” I finally said. 

Dieter stopped at a red light, then looked my way. “You look nice too. Even if you did dress for comfort.” 

I rolled my eyes at him, “Thanks, I think.” 

We sat in silence for a few minutes. The tension between us seemed to be growing. The lines felt like they were blurring again, but I didn’t really understand why. This wasn’t the first time I had taken a dance partner to this club for the same reasons, but they were not Dieter Bravo. 

I cleared my throat, “I should probably mention, there is a bar here. It’s a big place though and it’s not really near the dance floor. I hope that isn’t an issue. I just now thought about it…”

He glanced over at me, a soft smile on his face. “Na, it’s fine. Not a big deal. I’ll be distracted.”

I turned, giving him a questioning look. His cheeks reddened slightly, “I just mean…I know we’re gonna be dancing. I’ll be focused on not falling on my face.” 

I could feel my heart racing. Something told me he wasn’t being completely honest about that.  

When we got to the club, Dieter moved to get in line. I shook my head and hooked my arm with his, “We don’t wait in line here. I know the owner.” 

He smiled, seeming happy to not have to wait. We walked past the rather long line where I was certain I heard Dieter’s name whispered amongst the crowd. I silently hoped there wouldn’t be an issue as the person working the door allowed us to enter.

It was still early, but the dance floor was already full. The bass of the music was pounding so loud you could feel it. Strobe lights of all colors flashed over the dark dance floor. It was a whole vibe. A vibe that I hoped would allow Dieter to relax and have fun with me. Allow him to feel the music and become one with it and with me. I glanced up at him, he seemed anxious as he surveyed the space. My hand dropped from his arm down to his hand and squeezed it, prompting him to shift his gaze to me.

“You ready?” I asked. 

I watched as he inhaled a deep breath and nodded. I pulled him along by the hand behind me as I walked toward the dance floor, letting the crowd swallow us. I started the shuffle steps of the Cha Cha and Dieter quickly fell into rhythm with me. He seemed almost timid as he moved and eyed the crowd around us. I reached up to cup his chin and pull his gaze back to mine, forcing him to look at me rather than everyone else. I gave him an encouraging smile as I stepped a little closer and leaned in toward his ear, “You need to loosen up. Focus on me and our connection…feel the music with me. Share the rhythm with me. Trust me…like I trust you.”

When I pulled away, I felt like he was staring into my soul with his rounded brown eyes as he nodded. We continued moving, and after several minutes he seemed to relax and get into it. Soon, we found ourselves laughing and having a good time. His hands no longer hesitated to rest on my hips or slide up my waist. He no longer pulled away when I turned, pressing my back to his front. He even went so far as to wrap his arms around me, hugging me against his chest. My head fell backward onto his shoulder as I laughed loudly over something he said. His rumbling laugh next to my ear momentarily distracted me, drawing my thoughts back to where they shouldn’t be. The lines felt fuzzy again. I needed a break. 

After the song ended, I asked if he wanted some water. I had to put some distance between us for a few minutes before I did something stupid. I offered to get it because I didn’t want him going near the bar if he didn’t have to. As I made my way back to where I had left him on the edge of the dance floor, I realized he was taking pictures with a few fans. I guess it was inevitable that this would happen. 

When I approached, the group surrounding him seemed to get excited once they realized it was me, asking for pictures with me as well. I, of course, agreed. Dieter and I also took a few group selfies with them. We chatted with them for a while. They were a good time, full of jokes and laughter. We even got into some dancing tips and showed them how to do a couple of moves. It was exactly the distraction I needed.  

Dieter and I eventually made our way back out onto the dance floor, picking up where we left off. I took a minute to show him how to Salsa. He picked it up immediately. It almost seemed effortless now. We were moving together, communicating without words as he led us through various improvised moves. His hips were moving as I knew they could now that he was completely at ease. He was good at this, as good as some professionals I had seen. He just needed to let go and trust that I wouldn’t let him fail. 

The energy in the room was definitely feeding the electricity between us. I could feel it ramping up the longer we went. After pulling me in against his body, then dipping me, something shifted. When he pulled me upward, a heated look passed between us before my forehead pressed against his. My right hand briefly cupped his cheek before sliding down to rest on his chest. I had to stop myself from leaning in further, turning away abruptly, feeling his hands trail down the sides of my body as I moved away from him toward the edge of the dance floor.  

He had a boyish smile on his face when I turned to him. I couldn’t help smiling back as I asked, “You ready to head back to the studio to rehearse a little now? We’ll have a good two hours left.” 

He nodded, grabbing my hand and following behind me as I walked toward the exit. Once outside, I looped my arm with his. There were several fans waiting in line that waved and called out to us as we walked by. We stopped for some quick selfies, then made our way back to his car, arm in arm. 

The ride back to the studio wasn’t as awkward as I expected it to be. We laughed about some of the over the top outfits we had seen the other patrons wearing. Then our conversation shifted to the shock of how many fans there were that approached us. That had certainly never happened to me in the past. Sure, I might get one or two, but this was something else. I assumed it was because of Dieter. Everyone knew who he was. 

We pulled into the parking lot at the rehearsal studio several minutes later. Dieter grabbed his bag out of the back seat as I moved to get mine out of my car. As we approached the entrance, I realized Alec was standing there, his back leaning against the wall as he eyed us. When I got closer, he pushed off the wall to come stand in front of me. He looked pissed. 

“What the hell are you doing?” he asked in a low voice. 

My brow furrowed, “What do you mean?” 

Dieter paused, a concerned look on his face as his eyes flicked between Alec and me. I glanced over at him, “I’ll meet you inside.” I gave a slight nod as I spoke, letting him know that it was ok to go in without me. He hesitated, but eventually moved toward the entrance. 

Once Dieter was inside, Alec stepped in closer. “Why the hell are you going out with him when you should be rehearsing?” he asked with an accusatory tone. 

What the fuck is his problem? I didn’t back away this time, “I took him to the Latin dance club. We have the Cha Cha this week. You know I do this with my partners sometimes to help them learn the dances. Why is it suddenly an issue?” 

He was in my face now. I could smell alcohol on his breath, “I don’t want you going anywhere with him. You were supposed to be here. Why didn’t you tell me? I had to find out from social media.” 

I scoffed, “What are you, my keeper now? I don’t question you about what you're doing with Lana. In fact, you don’t mention her at all, which is unusual. Maybe I should be asking you what you’re up to.”  

His nostrils flared, “Why are you being such a defiant bitch lately? I feel like you're trying to provoke me. You always do this.” 

I felt my jaw clench, “Don’t you fucking gaslight me. I’m not gonna keep doing this with you. This possessive and controlling behavior that you suddenly have, is only pushing me away. It’s not a good look for you.” 

His hands suddenly gripped tightly at my upper arms. Before I realized what was happening, he turned us and shoved me, hard, against the brick wall. Hard enough that it knocked the air out of my lungs.

“I fucking told you to stop talking to me like that. I’ve been good for you. I’ve done everything you asked. Did you already forget how bad I can make things for you? Do I need to remind you, just so you’ll behave? I’m only gonna behave if you do, baby.”

I looked him in the eyes, pushing off the wall toward him as I finally spoke in a low voice, “I’m not afraid of you anymore. If you have a problem with me standing up for myself, then fuck you. Hit me. Do your worst. You do it, and I’m gone this time.” 

“What the hell has gotten into you? Is it Bravo? You fucking him now?”

I snorted, “Are you kidding me? I’m not the one who has a cheating problem, Alec.” 

He shoved me harder into the wall this time. Hard enough that my head smacked against the brick. Just as he got in my face again, he was pushed away. Nearly falling into the bushes next to the building. Suddenly Dieter was in front of me, one hand cupping my cheek with the other on the back of my head as he looked me over, asking if I was ok.  All I could manage was a nod, still winded from hitting the wall so hard. 

Alec came stumbling over toward us, “Fuck off Bravo, this is none of your business.” 

Dieter scoffed, one hand still resting on the back of my head as he situated his body between Alec and me, “I’m not gonna stand by and watch someone get abused.” 

Alec let out a sarcastic laugh, “Abused? Oh, did she tell you that’s what’s happening? It sounds like something she would say. She lies, you know. You can’t believe anything she says.”

Dieter let out a controlled breath as he turned to face the other man fully, “Alec, I think you’ve maybe had a little too much to drink, man. How about I get you an Uber or something? You can go home and sleep it off.” 

Clearly Dieter wanted to diffuse the situation, which only seemed to piss Alec off further. Alec stood there in silence for a moment, an almost murderous look in his eyes as he stared at Dieter. Without warning, his fist swung toward Dieter’s face. I stood in shock, unable to move or react. Dieter’s reflexes were actually pretty impressive. He had somehow managed to dodge the punch and simultaneously jab Alec in the nose with what seemed like very little effort on his part. Dieter looked just as surprised by it as I was as Alec stumbled backward, grabbing at his face causing blood to run down between his fingers. 

Dieter and I looked at each other, mouths agape as we looked back toward Alec. He spat out an angry, “What the fuck, Bravo!” 

Dieter’s eyes widened, “Dude, you swung at me first. Don’t what the fuck me...”  

Alec stumbled toward me, but Dieter stuck his arm out in front of me, pushing me behind him. 

“Come on Kat, let’s get outta here.” Alec said as he motioned with his hand for me to come to him. I shook my head. 

It was Dieter who spoke up, “She’s not going with you like this. Go home. Sleep it off.” 

Alec’s brow furrowed as he wiped his face with one hand. Without another word, he walked off toward the parking lot. Once he was out of sight, Dieter turned and pulled me into a tight hug, “Are you sure you’re ok? It looked like you hit your head.” I nodded against his chest, trying to fight back the tears that were threatening to spill out. I pulled away, grabbing his wrist. His knuckles looked a little busted up and bruised. He squeezed his hand into a fist and tried to pull away, mumbling, “I’m fine.” 

My grip tightened on his wrist, “No. Lemme see.” I inspected his hand under the dim lighting. He had definitely busted his knuckles. “Come on, there’s a first aid kit in here.” 

He followed behind me, silently. I found the first aid kit in the hallway supply closet, then pulled him into the private bathroom of our assigned studio space. As I was digging through the kit, I felt his hand brush my hair at the back of my head to the side, looking me over under the brighter lights. I paused for a moment and let out a stuttered breath. He came to stand beside me, meeting my gaze for the first time since we were alone. His lips were set into a tight line as his eyes roamed over my face. My attention turned back to the first aid kit, pulling out everything that I needed. I could feel his eyes on my face the entire time, like he was waiting for me to break. 

I inhaled deeply before meeting his gaze again, “Sit down…gimme your hand.” 

He complied. I pulled his hand over the sink to pour some Isopropyl Alcohol over the abrasions. He hissed through his teeth at the burn but didn’t pull away. Once I was done, I let it sit for a minute to air dry. I could still feel Dieter’s eyes on me, but I couldn’t look at him. I actually felt embarrassed over what he had just witnessed. 

“Why do you put up with him treating you like that?” he finally asked in a somewhat gruff voice. 

I shrugged, rubbing at the crease between my brows. “He had been doing better. I don’t know what’s gotten into him. I think it’s because he’s been drinking more.”

He sighed, “That doesn’t answer my question.” 

I finally looked at him, “I guess, I just didn’t wanna give up on the last six years of my life. It wasn’t always bad, you know. I really thought he could get it together. He’s been trying…for the most part…but it’s been one problem after another the last few years.” 

I turned my attention back to his hand, spraying antiseptic pain relief on it. 

Dieter leaned forward against the sink, “I know you believe in second chances and all that, but not everyone can change ya know. You can’t fix him if he doesn’t wanna fix himself.” 

It hurt, but I needed to hear it. He was right, Alec didn’t want to change. Not really. He had been putting in just enough work to keep me satisfied. 

“He’s got more going on than just a drinking problem, too. I know you wanna give him a chance, but I don’t think you should put yourself at risk for him. He’s a ticking bomb, waiting to go off. I’ve had a feeling about it since day one, and this just confirmed it.” 

A tear slid down my face at his words. Deep down I knew this. I think it was part of the reason I stayed with Alec. I was worried about what would happen if I broke things off with him. I really didn’t know how bad things could get, and I was afraid to find out. 

Dieter watched as I wrapped a bandage around his knuckles, then turned to toss the wrappings in the trash can. He stood, pulling me in for another hug. I could feel his lips move against the top of my hair as he spoke, “If you need somewhere to go, or…anything…don’t be afraid to ask me for help. Please.” His tone nearly broke me. It was almost pleading. 

I pulled away, wiped my face and nodded, “Thank you. I’m sorry you ended up in the middle of this…” I sighed, “Why did you come back outside, anyway?” 

He gave me a sad smile and shrugged, “I forgot my sneakers in the car.” 

I chuckled, then pointed at his hand, “Well, I don’t think you broke anything, but that’s probably gonna be bruised and sore.” 

He pursed his lips, “It’s worth it.”

I laughed. There was something a little satisfying about Dieter putting Alec in his place. Dieter blew air out through his cheeks, “Well, I guess everyone is gonna know that I punched Alec…assuming his face is fucked up.” 

He was right, this was going to be some drama for the show. I thought for a moment, “Maybe not. Just try to keep your hand out of sight. I can probably cover it with makeup before filming tomorrow. Hopefully no one will notice…unless he runs his mouth…but something tells me he won’t.” 

We decided to call it a night soon after that. Neither of us were in the mood to rehearse. The adrenaline rush from the club and the interaction with Alec had worn off, leaving me feeling exhausted. It had been a long day and I just wanted to go to bed. Dieter walked me to my car. Instead of just telling me goodbye, he reminded me to reach out if I needed anything and asked me to text him when I got home. His eyes stayed on me until I pulled out of the parking lot. His need to make sure I was ok made my chest ache. Dieter had a caring and nurturing side to him that I truly did not expect. It certainly had me reevaluating my relationship with Alec, realizing that perhaps his behavior wasn’t typical and that something better was out there. 

After I got home, I locked myself inside, making sure the slide lock and chain were in place on all the doors. Alec had a key, so I wanted to be sure he wasn’t going to show up in my room unexpectedly in the middle of the night. I dug my phone out of my bag to text Dieter. He again reminded me to call if I needed anything.

I then turned my attention to the barrage of missed calls and texts from Alec. Surprisingly, they were not angry. Instead, they were full of apology and begging for forgiveness. He knew he had fucked up, but that didn’t change the fact that it had happened, and it wasn’t the first time. I took a deep breath, typed out my response, and hit send before I could change my mind. 

Me: I need space from you right now. What you did wasn’t ok and it’s not something an apology can fix. I’m not saying it’s over, but I do need a few days to think.

Alec: Whatever you need, baby. I’ll do whatever you need me to do to fix it.

I sighed, shaking my head. I wasn’t sure if it could be fixed or if I even wanted it to be.

Next: Week 3 (Part 2)

✨Intimate partner violence is never ok. If you or someone you know needs assistance, please see the resources at the bottom of this post or feel free to reach out to me if you need to talk through it.

A/N: Hello my lovelies! Whew! A lot has already happened in Week 3 and this is only the first half of it! We got our first Dirty Dancing reference. This is going to come up again. 😂 It's clear that Dieter and Kat are becoming more comfortable around each other. As that happens, we're going to start seeing a lot more of the menace side of Dieter, which I know you'll enjoy. We're going to get a lot more of that from him in Part 2...among other things. The boy is turning into a mess, honestly. But look at them texting, maybe sort of flirting, and making dirty jokes! Doesn't get much better than that. Who do we think is gonna cave in and go for it first? I'll ask this question again after you read Dieter's part. 😏 So, what do you think Stacia and Joe are up to? I will say there is some very complex meddling going on behind the scenes and I'm curious to see what y'all pick up on. How much are we hating Alec right now? And yay that he finally got punched! There is a fun interaction between him and Dieter in Part 2 I'm sure y'all will love. It made me snort a little to write it. Can we talk about how protective Dieter and Kat already are of each other though? Swoon. Let's also talk about how Dieter is struggling with this week's dance. The boy is going through it. Just to give you an idea of what he's working with, I have included a fun and flirty Cha Cha video below. It may give you a hint on what his problem is.😂 Also, I think we need Dieter dancing with his shirt open. Just sayin...

Intimate Partner Violence Resources

CP Taglist: @secretelephanttattoo @titlee78 @maggiemayhemnj @legendary-pink-dot @morallyinept

@survivingandenduring  @wannab-urs @harriedandharassed @hisandsnakes @misstokyo7love

@readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @sin-djarin @cakipy-blog @missladym1981

@guelyury @weho2kcmo @alokaerza @girlofchaos @trulybetty

@rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @madnessofadaydreamer @darkheartgatita @jazzloveslatte

@timpletance @musings-of-a-rose @samiamproductions @myloveistoolittle @for-a-longlongtime 

@copperhalfcent @auteurdelabre @drewharrisonwriter @burntheedges @stevie75

@bunniboo0015 @quicax3 jackie923 @sherala007 @pastelnap @pedrostories

@angelofsmalldeath-codeine @jessthebaker @rebel-held @gwendibleywrites @senorabond

👉 If your name is marked out, it wouldn’t let me tag you. ☹️

If you would like to be added to the tag list, let me know in the comments or shoot me a DM.

Credits: Support/MDNI Dividers: @cafekitsune Disco Divider: @deadbranch