#BETTER TAG PENDING OK

[naivesilver]

okay okay hear me out. but how about marco/leona + college AU?

WHAT ABOUT IT 👀👀👀

Give me a pairing and an AU setting and I will write you a three-sentence fic

Leona knows three things about the young man she shares a calculus class with: that he speaks with an accent, that he has pretty dark eyes when he looks at her, and that his handwriting is one of the worst she's ever seen.

The first one she finds endearing, and the second one even more so, but it's the third one that provides her with the perfect excuse to sit next to him and strike up a conversation, offering her own notes in exchange for an invitation out for coffee.

Her friends might laugh themselves silly at the sight, but Leona is nothing if not determined to get results; and besides, sharing classwork with someone who seems to barely be able to reread his own is the bare minimum of kindness, is it not?

[therealcocoshady]

Recovery - Chapter 21

Eminem x FemReader Fanfiction

Summary : Em just confessed his feelings to Y/N and is apprehensive of her reaction.

Tags : Fluff - SMUT - Bit of Angst ?

MARSHALL’S POV

Y/N was staring at him with big eyes. It wasn’t clear whether she was displeased, terrified, disgusted or God knows what else. He wasn’t the best at guessing how people were feeling anyway. He had just told her he was in love with her, right after they had sex. To be fair, he hadn’t planned on telling her, especially not at that moment… As seconds were going by, the silence was becoming painfully heavy. And to make matters worse, they were naked. One would have thought that the two of them being nude would have meant that there was some sense of equality in the situation, but given that he had just confessed his love - which was obviously unrequited - he felt even more exposed. If she hadn’t been prone to those nightmares, he would have left, but he couldn’t. Well, he could, but he wouldn’t. Just because she was silently rejecting him didn’t mean that he didn’t care about her wellbeing. 

I’m sorry, he said as he started to get dressed. I… obviously shouldn’t have said that. I’ll go on the couch. Just… Call if you have a nightmare or something, ok ? 

Why did you say that ? She asked, as she pulled the cover over her naked body. 

Because I think orgasms are much better when there’s awkwardness right after, he said sarcastically. 

She kept on staring at him. Now, she looked more sad, and a little mad too. Her mouth was slightly twitching, as if she was about to cry. 

I’m sorry, he said as he pinched the area between his eyes. 

About what ? She said hoarsely. 

About everything, I guess. But mostly for telling you I’m in love with you, he replied. 

He stared at her for a second. Her mouth was slightly open and her eyebrows were furrowed. She really looked as if she was about to cry but, as selfish as it was, he just needed to be in a different room right now, in order to process his emotions. He was feeling a knot in his stomach and was starting to realize that whoever said confessions made you feel lighter was definitely a liar : it felt like he had the biggest weight on his shoulders right now. He mumbled a “Good night” and went through the door. He was in the staircase when the door to her room flew open and she went after him. 

You don’t love me, she said sternly. 

As a matter of fact, I’m very aware that I do, he replied a bit more curtly than he originally intended. 

She was naked and her hair was all messy. Still, in the dim light of the corridor, she looked like an ethereal vision, something you could see in a painting. If he had a pen and paper, he would definitely draw her. Or maybe he would if he didn’t have to deal with a painful rejection. Being turned down was one thing, but being turned down by a naked woman who looked like a goddess was another thing. More painful, in his opinion. Y/N was frowning and had a pout on her face. 

I don’t understand, she said. 

I don’t think I could be any more clear, Y/N, he replied. I am in love with you. Obviously, this is very unilateral and I’m sure you wished I hadn’t said that, but now that the words are out, I don’t plan on taking them back. I know it’s uncomfortable for you, and I am very sorry about that because I did not plan on telling you, but now you know. 

But… Why ? She asked. 

He stared at her in disbelief. Was she actually asking why he was in love with her ? She was absolutely amazing but she needed to take a fucking hint. Didn’t she understand that he needed to be alone with his feelings ? That she was breaking his heart ? In his many years of therapy, he had made some progress when it came to dealing with his emotions, but it was evidently not enough. He was starting to feel anger pending. 

I’m not having this conversation with you right now, he said calmly as he tried to pace himself. Go to sleep, alright ? 

I can’t sleep with what you just told me ! She shrieked. 

And I can’t look at you right now ! He yelled. Can’t you give me one fucking minute, Y/N ? I can’t look at you, all naked, rejecting me. You don’t feel the same and that’s ok. I mean, it fucking sucks, but I’ve been feeling this way for a while, so I’ll deal with it eventually. But I’m not a robot, alright ? 

You should have told me earlier, she whispered. Why didn’t you tell me earlier, Marshall ? 

Because you have a fucking boyfriend, Y/N ! He roared. Because there’s a fucker always taking you on dates and showering you with gifts and affection. Because you keep going on and on and on about him and how great he is. And Hailie, and Talia, and Jamal too. Because I keep getting these stupid pictures of you in our group chat, at sunset, at shows, at fucking pottery classes or God knows what else. Because it hurts me every fucking time and I have to deal with the pain of knowing that the woman I love will never be mine. So excuse me for not setting myself for heartbreak here. If I had been able to help it, I wouldn’t have fucking told you that. You have your lobster and I’m glad he’s great, but don’t expect me to be happy to feel like the tiniest shrimp in the ocean. 

He realized he was screaming at the top of his lungs. He was panting. Y/N’s eyes were glowing with the tears welling up in them. He swallowed dryly and quickly got downstairs, making his way to the garden. It was a cold night, but he could use the fresh air. He enjoyed the darkness and the silence for a second, before Y/N barged in, still naked and barefoot on the grass. 

Go back inside, he said as he stared at her nakedness. 

Shut up ! The only reason there’s a fucker taking me to pottery class is because you are the one who started dating !!! I am the one who’s been in love with you for months and had to keep my mouth shut about it. I was going to tell you in New York, but there was always Paul or security around. And then, there was Nicole. So you don’t get to make this about yourself, Marshall ! You don’t get to say you’re in love with me only to leave the room and say I don’t love you. Because I do ! I love you more than I have ever loved anyone and it hurts like hell !!! She yelled, louder than him. 

You do ?! He asked in disbelief. 

Yes I do. You’re my best friend, you know me better than anyone else, you’re always here when I need you, you are the most attractive man I have ever met, the most talented, too… You’re smart, kind, funny, generous and, oh my God Talia was right, the most dramatic person I have ever met. How could I not fall in love with you ?! She blurted out. 

He stared at her, completely stupefied. He had absolutely no idea. He was at a loss for words, in absolute shock. 

I am yours, Marshall, she whispered. I have been yours since the day we met. 

In the matter of a second, he was all over her, wrapping his hard around her body and kissing her violently, hungrily. She responded passionately. 

Say it again, he ordered. 

I’m yours, Marshall, she repeated. 

I love you, he said softly. I love you so fucking much. 

I love you too, she whispered with tears in her eyes. 

He kissed her tenderly and carried her in his arms, bridal-style, walking back inside of the house. 

I could have walked, she giggled. 

I know. But I’m the most dramatic person you’ve ever met, so I have to live up to the standard, you know ? He replied with a smirk before gently letting her on the living room couch. Although, I think you’re a serious contender for the title. 

I’m not, she chuckled. 

Says the crazy woman who professed her love for me in the garden, at night, NAKED ?! 

They burst out in a fit of laughter. He kissed her again, and again, and again. 

Have I told you I love you, yet ? He mused as he intertwined his fingers with hers. 

Mmmh… I don’t think you have, she giggled. 

Well… I love you, he said softly. 

She giggled and nuzzled his neck. He leaned into her touch. She was his and he was hers - nothing could make him happier. He kissed her temple and took her hand before leading her back to the bedroom. She put some clothes on and they got under the covers, cuddling the shit out of each other. 

I have a confession, she said softly. 

Another one ? He mused. 

Well it’s kind of related. I mean… I sort of… already told you I love you. You just don’t remember, she said as she blushed. 

I think I would remember, he chuckled. 

To be fair, you were sleeping, she explained. We were in the hospital, you were sleeping on the bed and I told you. I think I needed to. 

You’re kidding right ? He burst out laughing. I told you I love you, in the hospital. Before you woke up. 

You didn’t ?! She asked in disbelief. 

I did, he said as he stroked her cheek. When I saw you laying there it just… it hit me like a gut punch. I knew I had feelings for you long before that, but seeing you like this, wondering if you were going to wake up… I had to tell you. Even if you weren’t listening because you weren’t awake, I needed you to hear it. 

His voice was emotional. He was speaking from the heart, and even the simple thought of her in that coma was enough to break his heart. He was upset at the idea of anything happening to her.  

I am so happy you’re ok, he added as he buried his face in the crook of her neck. So happy that you’re here. 

I love you Marshall, she said softly as she ran her fingers in his back. 

For the first time in ages, he allowed himself to be fully relaxed and vulnerable. It didn’t happen too often, especially not when he was with a woman. In his past relationships, especially after his divorce, he had gotten used to being more distant, not showing his emotional side too often. But with Y/N, it came naturally and, even though it was definitely scary, he had to admit it felt good. Eventually, they went to sleep, and he had his most peaceful night in ages. 

Y/N’s POV 

When you woke up, you were in Marshall’s arms. You had fallen asleep whispering sweet “I love you”s to each other. You had to pinch yourself to make sure it wasn’t a dream. You were definitely in a good mood for the rest of the day. It was about noon and Marshall was sleeping soundly, holding you close to his chest. You gently tried to remove his arms but they were so tight around you that it was nearly impossible. 

Don’t even think about leaving this bed, he groaned in his deep (way too sexy) morning voice. 

If you let me get up, I’ll make you pancakes, you whispered in hope it would motivate him. 

If you stay in bed, I’ll make you cum, he replied with a smirk. 

You let out a gasp. You should have gotten used to it, after all this time, but the way he could be so blunt when talking about some things - namely sex - always surprised you, and never failed to make you blush. He let out a giggle and tightened his embrace as his fingers traced circles on your hips. 

What do you say, pretty girl ? He asked. 

I’ll allow it, you said playfully. 

He hummed and slid his hands underneath your tee-shirt, gently cupping and massaging your breasts. The sensation of his cold fingers against your warm skin was delicious and definitely arousing. It was soft and sweet. Or so you thought until you felt him pinching your nipples and sucking on your neck simultaneously. You were still in the spooning position, him behind you, and you could feel how hard he was, which only increased your wetness. You thought you’d stay in this position but your lover obviously had other plans, as he had you lay on the mattress, face in the pillow. He spilled kisses on your neck, going down to your shoulders, your back, your hips… before eventually helping you get rid of your clothes. 

I want to take you, babygirl, he groaned in your ear. Are you ok with that ? 

Yes, you whispered. 

I’ll be gentle, don’t worry, he said before kissing your neck. 

He wasted no time before entering you slowly. As soon as he was inside, you felt complete. It seemed like you were able to feel every inch of him, while becoming aware of areas and spots inside of yourself you didn’t know could be stimulated. Marshall was moving slowly, taking his sweet time and every opportunity to kiss you. 

You feel fucking incredible, my love, he whispered. I love you so much. 

I love you, you said. 

He picked up the pace, causing you to gasp. He immediately stopped moving. 

Are you ok ? 

You feel so big, you whined. 

We can stop, he said reassuringly. 

No, you pleaded. Keep going. I can take it. 

Good girl, he said with a grin. 

You never knew you could enjoy being called a « Good girl » in bed, but something about the way he said it just sent chills to your spine. You wanted to be a good girl for him, to have him praise you for taking him… something in him just called to your submissive side. He started pounding and you clutched at the bedsheets while you let out deep moans. You thought you were close to orgasm when he stopped. 

Don’t stop, you whined. 

Get on top, baby, he said. 

You let out a groan and he softly chuckled as he laid down, taking a good look at you. 

You gotta work for it, he grinned.

You straddled him and lowered yourself onto his shaft, taking all of his length. He laid still, letting you do the work with a satisfied smirk. His hands were wandering around your body, caressing your skin. You let your head fall back as you felt a wave of pleasure coming your way, trying not to lose the rhythm in your hip movements. Marshall ran a hand through your hair and, as you quickened your pace, you could feel his grip tightening. You let out a little cry. 

Sorry, he said softly. Didn’t mean to pull it, baby. 

Do it again, you moaned. 

Oh yeah ? He grinned. 

He gently pulled your hair, causing you to moan again. It felt so good. It wasn’t too painful, it just made you feel like he was in control and you loved it. Your movements were starting to become sloppy and, as much as you wanted to keep going, your thighs weren’t cooperating. He let out a laugh and held your hips tightly before taking control of the situation. He started to quicken the pace and pull your hair at the same time, harder. This had you lose your mind, immediately sending you over the edge. You thought you had reached your apex but he kept going, bringing his hand to your clit to stroke it. You clenched around him and your muscles contracted like never before as you moaned his name. He whimpered and you could feel him twitch inside of you as his release came. You collapsed on top of him, after what was probably the most intense orgasm of your life. You had tears streaming down your cheeks and were shivering. He gently wrapped you in his arms before pulling the cover over your bodies. The two of you dozed off for a minute before being brought back to reality by your phone ringing. You grabbed it and saw Josh’s name on the screen. You froze and kept staring at it. Obviously, you didn’t feel like taking the call when you were naked, in another man’s arms. 

You’re not answering ? Marshall asked, his eyes still closed. 

It’s Josh, you said sheepishly. 

He huffed and opened his eyes, staring at you. The look on his face was indecipherable. He seemed calm, but you could swear his eyes were a shade darker. He was staring intently. And of course, being the coward that you were, you didn’t really want to hold his gaze. It was just starting to dawn on you that you had cheated on your boyfriend. Of course, last night, you knew the person you were kissing and having sex with wasn’t Josh, but at the moment, you didn’t care. Because you were focused on the overwhelming feeling of being with the man you loved. The man who literally haunted your dreams. So, as awful as it was, you didn’t hesitate when it came to kissing him back. You could have. You probably should have. But you didn’t. It was evident that you had to break up with Josh. You had to. In retrospect, it was clear that you’d been lying to yourself long enough. You were starting to come back to earth and it was bittersweet. You had always been so vocal about your distaste for cheating and lying and you weren’t too sure how you were supposed to look at yourself in a mirror. You sighed, feeling as if you were about to cry at the realization that you had turned into a horrible person. 

Y/N ? He asked softly. Are you alright ? 

Not really, you admitted. I mean… I cheated on the most supportive, loving boyfriend I’ve ever had, so… 

Do you regret what happened between us ? He asked carefully. 

I regret cheating, you explained. I don’t regret what happened between us but I regret the way it happened. 

Right, he said. 

There was a brief moment of silence. He gently stroked your shoulder and placed a comforting kiss on it. 

You know, I could lie and tell you I’m sorry, but I’m not, he said. 

Thanks, you said sarcastically. Very comforting. 

Let me speak, honey, he said. I know he is great to you and that, on some levels, he might be better for you than I am. I mean, he’s a corny fucker who doesn’t deserve you, but from what I gathered, he’s good to you, he takes you on great dates, he’s your age and you have a lot in common. It makes sense that you’re sad about it. Hell, I could even understand if you considered staying with him, you know ? Because, some things, I’m never going to be able to give to you. I’m not going to lie : I suck at dating, I’m not able to take you to cool places, I’m not nearly as smart… But I can tell you one thing : he will never love you as much as I do. He will never support you like I do. If you let me, I will do my best to give you everything you deserve, want and need. I swear I will do anything to make you happy. I promise you will not regret it. 

I love you, you said emotionally. 

I love you too, he replied. So… Will you give me a chance ? 

Yes, you said. Of course. I told you, Marshall… I’m yours. 

He cupped your cheek with his hand and smiled softly before pulling you in for a kiss. It was a deep, emotional one. “Mine”, he whispered as your foreheads rested against each other. You rested in his arms for a while, exchanging sweet words. 

I have to go, he sighed. My daughters are coming to my place this afternoon. 

Ok, you said softly. Is it too much if I say I’m going to miss you ? 

Definitely, he chuckled. But I’m going to miss you too, so it’s ok. I’ll see you tonight anyway, for Talia’s birthday party. 

Yeah… About that, you said awkwardly. 

Mmmmh ? He asked, squinting his eyes. 

Josh is going to be there, you know ? Talia invited him, you said. 

Is this the part where I have to specify that I am not big on sharing ? He asked with a raised eyebrow. 

I know, you said. But everyone’s expecting him to be here and you know how Talia is about her birthday… She’s the star of the show. It’d be rude of me to announce my breakup on her big day. 

Makes sense, he sighed. But you’re breaking up with him, right ? 

Yes, you said. But later. 

How late is later ? He asked. 

I don’t know, you said sheepishly. 

He nodded and started to get dressed. The smile on his face had been replaced by a slight frown. 

Are you mad ? You asked. 

Nope, he said. I get it. But I can’t say I’m happy either, you know ? Everytime I see you with him… It hurts a bit. Because I want to be the one holding your hand. I want to be the one kissing you. I want to be with you. I want to be your lobster. 

You’re not my lobster, you chuckled. You’re my whole ocean. 

Your words brought the smile back to his face. He chuckled and kissed you tenderly before leaving. 

MARSHALL’S POV

He couldn’t wipe the smile off his face after leaving Y/N’s place. For the rest of the day, he kept on smiling like an idiot. He thought he was being discreet but he thought wrong. As soon as his daughters arrived, they picked on his good mood. 

What’s making you so happy, Dad ? Alaina asked. 

I’m always happy to see you girls, he shrugged. I don’t get to see the three of you that much without your boyfriends or husbands, these days. 

I don’t believe you, Stevie chortled. You were humming a song. 

Well, Steve, that’s my job, he retorted with a smirk. 

You’re full of shit, she replied.

Language, he playfully warned. 

They had a great afternoon, talking and playing video games. He loved hanging out with his daughters and he was glad it was just the four of them. They had all found great partners and he couldn’t be happier, but sometimes, he missed the days when they all lived together. The house was starting to be a bit empty without them, especially since Stevie moved out. Since then, he had become even more of a workaholic. He had spent so much time dedicating to his role as a Dad that having his youngest move out of the house had taken its toll on him. So everytime he got to spend time with his daughters, he was the happiest person in the world. This time, though, his mind was wandering. He kept on thinking about last night. Y/N loved him. She was his. She had spent a whole night in his arms. Their first night as more than friends. This made him feel like a teenager in love. Usually, he would have mentally slapped himself for being so cheesy, but this time, he didn’t care. He would never admit to being so soft, obviously, but with her, he didn’t care. 

Dad, are you listening ? Hailie asked. 

Of course, he lied. 

What was I saying ? She teased him with a grin. 

Something about your… podcast ? He tried with a smile. 

All three girls burst out in a fit of laughter. Evidently, he had failed the test.

Sorry, he said. Lots on my mind. You were saying ? 

I was asking if everything was alright with Nicole. 

I’m not seeing her anymore, he simply replied. 

Why ? She asked. I thought it was going well. 

Well it was, and she’s great, but I don’t think it’s going to work, he said. Too many schedule conflicts. 

That’s too bad, Alaina said. 

It is what it is, he said with a smile. 

He knew his daughters would be a bit disappointed when he told them he wasn’t seeing Nicole anymore. He usually didn’t discuss his private life with them, but seeing as it was Hailie who had arranged the whole thing, his relationship with Nicole had been a bit of an exception. Ever since they had learned he was dating someone - however new it was - they had been ecstatic. In the past, he had introduced a couple of girlfriends with whom things had become serious, but it had been a while now. He wondered how things would turn out with Y/N, and whether or not he would introduce her to them as his girlfriend. Obviously, they were just getting started and he didn’t want to get ahead of himself, but he had a good feeling about their relationship. His relationship with Kim aside, he had never had such strong feelings for someone before even dating them. This one was special and he knew he had to step up his game and do his best not to fuck it up. 

The evening came and he got to the restaurant where Talia was celebrating her birthday. She was just getting back from her birthday trip with Jamal and had planned a lavish dinner at a fancy place. Everyone from the studio had been invited, as well as many other people. Normally, he would avoid such an event like the plague, but he actually liked Talia. They had become pretty good friends since he started hanging out with Y/N. Plus, he had confirmed his presence as soon as he had learned Y/N would be there - obviously, that was before learning that Josh had been invited as well… As soon as he arrived, Talia engulfed him in a hug and told him he would be seated next to Y/N, who would be between him and Josh. Ironically fitting to the situation. 

When she walked through the door, she was absolutely stunning. Josh was by her side, holding her hand. As she approached to “greet” him, he noticed she wasn’t wearing her sobriety pendant. It had been replaced by another necklace, a dainty gold heart pendant. He tried not to overthink it, but it definitely caught his attention. Josh also came to him and they shook hands. During dinner, he didn’t talk much. He could see Josh being all over Y/N, touching her every chance he would get. He’d been envious of that dude before, of course. Countless times, he had been the one who got to be with her, but he had always managed to keep his feelings in check. This time, however, it was different. Because she was his. And there was no way he would let Josh get away with it. Y/N was talking to Talia, who was in front of her, while Josh was holding her hand. He felt the need to remind her that he was there and that she was his. Just in case she’d forgotten. He made sure no one could spot him and rested his hand on her thigh. God bless tablecloths. He tried his best not to smile when she seemed slightly startled, although she didn’t stop her conversation. He gently started stroking her skin, going under the hem of her dress and he could see her blush slightly. 

Are you alright, Baby ? Josh asked her. 

Sure, she said with a smile. I’m… perfectly fine. 

Josh’s phone started to ring and he stepped outside to answer. She turned to him. 

What are you doing ? She whispered, confused. 

Bathroom. In two minutes, he whispered back before getting up. 

The many guests were busy talking and over-indulging in champagne so they would be most likely not to notice people getting in and out. He went to the bathroom and waited for her. A couple of minutes later, she stepped in, looking flustered. He could not resist the temptation to kiss her. He grabbed her lips passionately, bruisingly. 

Marshall, she whispered. Have you lost your mind ? 

I’ve just about lost my patience, Y/N, he said with a grin. If he touches you one more time, I swear… 

But he’s my boyfriend… 

And you’re mine, he reminded her. 

She looked at him, nervously biting her lip. He pulled her in and buried his face in her neck, teasing her sweet spot and causing her to moan softly. He started sucking on it harder but she stopped him. 

You’re crazy ! It’s going to leave a mark ! 

Maybe that’s what I want, he replied. 

Marshall, she said sternly. 

You better tell him to beat it or I will, he groaned. 

You wouldn’t. 

Want to bet ? He asked with a grin. 

She stared at him with an annoyed expression, but she wasn’t too convincing. He chuckled and kissed her again. 

Don’t try me, baby. Nice necklace, by the way. 

He stepped out of the bathroom and went back to the table. She joined him moments later, pretending as if nothing had happened. Josh came back shortly after and resumed the conversation. The evening went on and, in spite of a few people coming and talking to him, he still focused on Y/N, gazing at her whenever he got the chance. He was about to leave when he caught a conversation between her and Josh. 

You are so beautiful tonight, he said. Would you like to go back to my place and have a sleepover ? I missed you like crazy yesterday… 

I don’t know, she said softly. It’s late and I have work to do… 

I was thinking that maybe we could let Talia and Jamal have some alone time and… have some of our own, he said with a smile. 

He could have been a grown man and let it slide. But he was far too petty. He grabbed a glass of water and pretended to have a sip while he walked past Josh and “accidentally” spilled all over his shirt. 

Sorry man, he said. I didn’t see you there. 

Shi… I mean, it’s fine, Josh said. It happens. 

What can I say ? I’m clumsy, he shrugged. Anyway, I’m leaving. Goodnight. 

Y/N was staring at him in disbelief. She knew him too well and she probably could tell he was being an ass for the sport. He flashed a grin and left. It was probably for the best anyway : if he had to hear Josh mention having “alone time” with her, he would probably trip him down the stairs. He went back to his place. 

About three hours later, he was in bed reading a comic book and about to go to sleep when he heard his doorbell ring. He went to open the door and saw Y/N standing there. She had changed into some leggings and a hoodie and was wearing his pendant again. 

You really are an ass, do you know that ? She asked with a slight grin. 

Good evening to you too, he chuckled. I see you have refined your taste in jewelry again. What do you want ? 

Well I thought you might be interested in knowing that I have just become single, she said. 

You couldn’t be more wrong, he said as he pulled her to him for a deep kiss. You are very much spoken for and I’m going to prove it to you. 

[aspecriddler]

THEE Guide to Not Being a Punk Poser

Hey, so if you're reading this, you may or may not be looking to get into the punk scene, and you also may or may not be at a total loss on where to start

Well fear not! I am here with this little introduction post on how to Not Be A Poser (title pending)

FIRST UP: The Ideals

When it comes to the ideals of alternative subcultures, this graphic by @theygender (hope the tag is ok, lmk if it isn't) is the best summary I've ever seen

And if you're like me, you're solidly on the line between punk and grunge, but leaning just a bit more punk. This is fine /gen

Punk is about community. Punk is about fighting for a better future. Punk is about doing no harm and taking no shit. Punk is about looking out for the underdog. If you don't embody these values then you're not punk. The ideology of Punk is, in my opinion, the most important part of the subculture

But if you've been doing your research you already knew that. Now let's get into what a lot of people call the fun stuff: the music and the fashion

SECOND: The Music

There are a Lot of different subgenres of punk music, the most famous being punk rock and folk punk. I subscribe more to punk rock because I really enjoy fast music

Bands to look for include: Sex Pistols, Dead Kennedys, Pansy Division, Dog Park Dissidents, Cheap Perfume, Mommy Long Legs, Gang Green, The Germs, Rage Against the Machine, G.L.O.S.S., X-Ray Spex, The Cramps, Circle Jerks, Crass, Limp Wrist, and Pure Hell

Of course there's a lot more but those are some staples plus some of my personal favorites. You can find my personal punk playlist here

Overall the sound is Loud and it is Angry. There are many songs about killing cops and hating capitalism and it fucks. If you like funky basslines, sick ass drums, angry yelling, and shredding guitars this music is for you

PART THREE: The Fashion

Okay, okay, I had to save the quote unquote best for last. Imo the fashion of punk is the most diy out of almost any other subculture

Literally anything you can get your hands on can become fashion. Steal what you can, pick up shit off the side of the road, and if you can't/don't know how to do something get a friend in the scene to either teach you or commission them or something

Brands? The fuck is that, the only brands you need to know are Rit fabric dye, goodwill, etsy (sometimes), your local craft store, and a good spike maker (I don't deal with spikes currently so I have no good resources for them, so other punks feel free to chime in!)

Want cool metal shit? Take apart cans and turn them into spikes. Take a lighter apart and use those metal bits. Steal safety pins from walmart.

Want/need to sew something? Yarn and a tapestry needle if you can't get/don't want to use dental floss. When sewing patches do a straight stitch around followed by a hobo stitch around again and that shit will stay forever. Alternatively pin patches on with safety pins, this works pretty well in a pinch

Fabric paint is your best friend!!! Start with a white base layer and the colors will be much more vibrant. Don't think you have painting skills? Doesn't matter, you're punk and you have the audacity to wear whatever you make with pride

Invest in a leather jacket. I don't mean in terms of money, I got mine at goodwill for ten bucks. But it will change your life. I recommend getting two: one to keep plain and one to diy. Also flannels are good for diy and can also be made into vests for warm weather very easily.

Both of these flannels I decorated myself in a matter of hours. If I can do it, so can you

Also! When you cut the sleeves off of a flannel you can use the extra fabric to make diy pockets :3

PART FOUR: Community and Conclusion

So this is kind of my close out section lol

I'm not sure what kind of discord communities exist for true punk culture, so if anyone has one they wanna promote feel free

Do some research on local punk bands in your area, get your friends together and diy outfits for a concert, or just to wear. The world is your punk oyster, and as long as you or other people aren't getting hurt you can do whatever you want forever

Plz use this post to find other punks so we can start gaining more community (I'm totally not desperate lol)

[nimue-hidden-lake]

Welcome To My Lake!

Redone intro

This is a side blog! Due to circumstances I cannot properly interact from my main (@thelakeofnimue). Until the issue is resolved (however long that might be) I would like for you to interact here (asks, dms, pings, reblogs)! Also if I follow you it might not show up properly. Just a heads up!

Hello there! Please, call me Nimue. I’m 22 years old and German (English is my second anguage). I am on the aromantic spectrum. I am genderfluid and thus what I identify as will shift on a whim. Please ask me for pronouns and what gendered terms I'm fine with at the moment! Or use They/Them and do not gender if you want to play it safe all the time. Due to this I also prefer to not label my sexuality (not like I know what to call it anyways).

I write a lot and sometimes draw. I will also make random posts though. I also write f/o imagines for everyone to enjoy! Let your mind go wild!

I will talk about whatever I am interested in so this is a mish–mash of posts and reblogs. I might take my time to warm up but I love meeting new people and interacting with others! Hit me, ask or reblogs whenever you want (even if it's just for f/o gushing, I love hearing it)! You can also DM me if you want to talk more!

Nice to meet you! I hope I am able to get to know you better in the near future!

For more info, read below the cut!

BYF

I am a selfshipper / yumejoshi and I am very open about this! I do not mind interacting with people who are not so feel free to interact with me either way (may it be posts, tags, dms or the askbox)! But if you do not feel comfortable with this fact, I suggest that you avoid this blog altogether since I share and post about this stuff a lot!

I love to write and talk about writing! Writing is my passion! I've been doing it for over a decade now! If you need advice, I'm ready to help! Also feel free to tag me in any of your writing! I'd love to read it! I'm still not sure to reblog some stuff or not. Give me a head's up if it's ok to reblog your stuff!

I experiment with my writing. While most of it is sfw and rather light hearted, I can and will write about darker themes sometimes! These posts receive a content warning however and I have a tag available in my tag list so you can filter that stuff. 

I am primarily an OC/Canon shipper and I will gush and write about these ships a lot! I also multiship in that regard!

I am not a single fandom blog! Though I have a primary interest which can change. My current primary interest right now is Hypnosis Mic.

General Tag List

#Nimue’s Whispers – Personal thoughts or headcanons

#Nimue's Lake – My written works

#Deep Waters – Written works dealing with heavier topics. I recommend blocking this tag if you wish to not see any of it!

#Waves – Answered Asks

My creative works

Nimue's Library (#Nimue's Lake)

Nimue's Dark Corner (#Deep Waters)

Nimue's Sketchbook (#Nimue's Sketchbook)

Fandom List

These are only a select few of many which mean a lot to me. Those marked bold are my current fixations.

Ensemble Stars

Hypnosis Mic

Bungo Stray Dogs

The World Ends With You

Fire Emblem

Obey Me!

Arknights

Project Sekai: Colorful Stage 

Touken Ranbu

Honkai Star Rail

Fate/Grand Order

Kid Icarus

Osomatsu series (Kun & San)

Genshin Impact

These are just some of my interests! I am enjoying many more fandoms! If you want to know if I am part of a specific one, ask!

Selfship Stuff

Overhaul? Yes. But I try to be a bit more careful with f/os nowadays so a lot are pending. I mainly focus on Ensemble Stars and Hypnosis Mic tho, so expect me to gush about them the most. I mostly post about Fling Posse at the moment. I love all of my f/os though!

"Shipped with s/i" means that I ship them with my s/i but I do not consider them f/os! I just enjoy the ship dynamics. Thus these ships are not personal to me by any means and I would not rank them as my partners due to a lack of feelings for them.

There are also a few f/os who are a bit complicated due to past circumstances (I rather not talk about it). Once I recovered and sorted my feelings I add them to the other rows especially Romani Archaman, I love him so much and want to decleare him my boyfriend again you have no idea... However long that will be. I love them though and plan to add and gush about them eventually once I moved on from the situation! I just don't know when that will be...

Iffy sharing Fling Posse (Ramuda, Gentaro, Dice), Henry (FE) and Blaze romantically (except with my friends). I will not block you but I might block your tag (if possible) or not follow back and/or interact with your posts (related to that f/o) if possible. I will also do it if we share f/os you feel uncomfortable sharing with. If I miss it though, I apologize. Just notify me if I do! If I follow you first (or reblogged something from you before) or if we already know each other from another platform, we are good though. I'm fine sharing everyone else though!

My top secret f/os are f/os I keep a secret for own reasons and at most I will vague post about them in public (if ever). I talk about them in private though and publish fanfics about them elsewhere. There is a chance I open up about them one day but no gurantee (I doubt it matters since none of them are f/os I often write about as of now). I am fine sharing them though!

Anniversaries

Ramuda Amemura - 15th November

Gentaro Yumeno - 22nd November

Dice Arisugawa - 23rd November

Ritsu Sakuma – 27th June

Rinne Amagi - 11th August

Izumi Sena - 24th September

Hokuto Hidaka – TBD (confession to be written)

Leo Tsukinaga - TBD (confession to be written)

Blaze - TBD (confession to be written) (sharing with a friend)

Henry - 25th May

Arataki Itto - TBD (confession to be written)

A list for my platonic f/os can be found here! Sharing is aok!

My main OC (S/I) for Ensemble Stars

Hypnosis Mic S/I

Bungou Stray Dogs S/I

S/I in Arknights (coming soon)

S/I in Fire Emblem Awakening

Etsuko Amata (Genshin Impact Version) (coming soon) (shipped with Itto)

Fling Posse Selfship / Yumeship Masterlist

Selfship Tags

#Nimue's Beloved – Romantic F/O Stuff

#Nimue's Family – Familial F/O Stuff

#Nimue's Besties – Other Platonic F/O Stuff

#Ritsann – Ship collection for Ritsu/Ann

#Ramuann - Ship collection for Ramuda/Ann

#Gennann - Ship collection for Gentaro/Ann

#Diceann - Ship collection for Dice/Ann

#Hokkann – Ship collection for Hokuto/Ann

#Rinnann - Ship collection for Rinne/Ann

#Izuann - Ship collection for Izumi/Ann

#Leoann - Ship collection for Leo/Ann

#Ittsuko - Ship collection for Itto/Etsuko

More coming soon

Other OCs & Ships

That won't mean that I do not ship any other OC/Canon stuff. I do actually and am still doing so. I also just love writing and creating characters as a whole.

Etsuko Koge (Enstars Version)

Karl Wolff (Ensemble Stars)

Oriko Himejima (Ensemble Stars)

Anneth (Kid Icarus Uprising)

Iris (Kid Icarus Uprising) (coming soon)

Nikke (Kid Icarus Uprising) (coming soon)

#Madoriko – Ship collection for Madara/Oriko

#Natsann - Ship collection for Natsume/Ann

#Juann - Ship collection for Jun/Ann

more to be added… 

Discord Stuff

Another way to reach me is Discord (it is usually easier tbh, I will check DMs there more often and am often online). The name is e_v_e_ (Eve)

Discord Profile at the moment (that is me)

Also running a (somewhat active) selfship server! Feel free to join us! Invite here!

DNI if…

you are here to start drama or talk about drama. I will be honest, hearing about any type of drama can stress me out and I prefer avoiding it here if possible. I myself will never talk about drama either, no matter what it is! Also, please do not involve me in any drama! 

you have a problem with content involving OCs and self inserts, leave! This includes OC x Canon + S/I x Canon content as well!

you are…

A racist

A bigot

A transphobe

Anti LGBTQIA+

A p*dophile / MAP

Proship

Comship

Other Blogs

@lake-archive - Overall writing

@astral-express-conductors - HSR Fanblog (18+)

@nimue-at-night - 18+ Blog

@crew-catz - Hypnosis Mic Fanblog (OC focus)

[madaboutmunson]

Gucci Little Piggy

I Think I Could Have Been Someone - Chapter 3

Ao3 Link

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Link to fic overview and all parts

Chapter Summary: Eddie and Steve officially meet for the first time at Steve's home

Author Notes: This is a mature story, definitely 18+ only.

Tags/Warnings: rockstar!AU; band; touring; music industry; alternate universe; drug usage; alcohol abuse; performing; enemies to lovers; road trip Word Count: 6.2K

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Marney: Unclench your jaw

Eddie wrinkles up his nose at the message on his phone in silent fury because she knows him so well.

Eddie: My jaw is not clenched. Everything is fine.

It was clenched, and everything was not fine. He doesn't know why he bothers lying to Marney. Maybe he does it for himself like the words were part of a spell that could magically alter the level of tension that was actually causing pain in his body. His jaw, across his shoulder blades, his fingers digging into his thighs through the denim.

Marney: Just remember the money and exposure. 🤑

Eddie: Ok, never use that emoji again!

Eddie: You don't think I'm trying?

Eddie: I'm not a complete idiot!!

Marney: Who are you? And what have you done with Eddie? 

Marney: He's my idiot and you'll give him back, otherwise I'm not meeting my quota

Eddie: Oh yes, ha-ha, very funny

Eddie: What's wrong with this guy? The residency isn't for another two weeks! 

Eddie: Mark my words. This is going to end badly. He's clearly insane.

Marney: His level of sanity I cannot confirm.

Marney: The amount of money pending to be transferred I can, though.

Eddie: It was already six figures Marn. He adds another zero to meet the day after we agree to the project.

Eddie: For what? So you ship me off to him the very next day to have a conversation we don't need to have? It's all in the contract. 

Marney: It's all getting a bit Indecent Proposal, isn't it?

Eddie: That's not funny!

Marney: It is a little, getting to see you all flustered like this 😏

Eddie: A million! A million dollars for a list of ten photos! That's insane! The man is insane!

Marney: A million is pocket change to people like Harrington. Do not sweat it. 

Marney: When that extra zero came in, I woke Legal up and booked you a flight.

Marney: His requests aren't anything weird:

Marney: The checklist of photos for the book.

Marney: Access to all pictures taken.

Marney: You are on call for the duration.

Eddie: That last one…

Marney: Eddie, you used to do this ALL. THE. FUCKING. TIME! You know musicians don't keep regular hours. They can get inspired in the middle of the night.

Marney: And as you well know, it's usually you waiting around for them to wake up and function rather than you being woken up by them.

Marney: It's a million dollars! People like us never see that kind of money. It's life-changing. Please. For me. Just be civil and get through it.

Eddie: I'm just saying it seems weird.

Marney: He also agreed to your project too, Ed. Don't forget that. I cannot tell you how quickly that yes came back.

Eddie: Because he's got no shame, Marn! 

Marney: Eddie. 

Marney: Please. 

Marney: Point. Shoot. Edit. Send. Get paid. 

Marney: Change your stars.

Eddie goes to type back, but he feels the car slow to a stop. A crunch of gravel and muffled voices. Moments later, his door is opened.

"Mr Munson?" The woman asks as Eddie steps out and nods. The car is swarmed by athletic people sporting black security uniforms.

The woman in front of him makes eye contact with her team members and then looks back at him, "Your agent said you were staying?"

"I-I am. Just not here." Eddie says nervously. He was supposed to be, that's what Marney had advised, but Eddie had dug his heels in and got an airport hotel instead, at his own expense, "I'm so bad at waking up for flights, so," he scratches the back of his neck, "the closer, the better."

She folds her arms and levels him with a look before scanning him up and down. "You don't want to spend the night? Stay in Steve Harrington's house?" She almost laughs out the last question.

Eddie figures it's something ingrained in him that is making him nervous with all these official-looking uniforms around him, "Not if I wanna keep this job," he says with a forced laugh, looks down and rubs his stomach, "I should really learn that fast food doesn't always agree with me." He raises his eyes to her to see if his performance has landed, and though he's not sure she believes the story, she seems happy enough to accept it for some reason. She extends her hand to him.

"Buckley. Head of security here for Mr H. This is my team. Get to know their faces and names if you care to. If it's not one of us telling you, it's not mandatory." She says and waves him through the enormous, ornate gates that slowly open as she signals to the house.

Eddie quirks an eyebrow at that. Mandatory? If it's not one of us? What did that even mean? She didn't look like your typical bodyguard or security guard that Eddie had seen over the years, but knowing he'd be meeting her at the gates, he'd done his research.

Robin Buckley. She'd only ever worked with Harrington, no one before, no one in between. She wasn't a waif by any stretch of the imagination, but she was not your typical heavy-set build either. However, the footage Eddie had unearthed last night definitely sent the message home that she is not to be fucked with. She easily kept the crazies at bay, and Harrington's humanising posts about how safe he felt with her around made her a fan favourite. Even though she was often the only thing standing between him and his adoring followers.

He'd seen three times caught on film she'd intercepted a weapon or projectile aimed at Harrington. One effortlessly caught out of the air, cool as anything. Then there was a guy with a gun who had been leg-swept to the floor, had his wrist snapped, and was disarmed in a blink-and-you'll-miss-it display of prowess. You could see on the video Harrington hadn't seen any of it. Busy leaning back into the crowd for a selfie at the barrier with a fan's phone. Her team carried that guy away, and she just fell back into step beside him. The third was definitely the most terrifying. Mainly due to the fact there were so many different views of the same event because it happened whilst Harrington had been singing one of his most famous songs. It looks like a fan rushes the stage, not uncommon, but as Harrington shuts his eyes to croon to the crowd under the spotlight, something catches the light in the fan's hand, and if this had been a movie, you'd swear this would be the singer's last scene. But it wasn't. From out of nowhere, Buckley's big black boot steps into the light and puts the assailant in a choke hold from behind. They were out for the count in seconds and pulled back with her into the darkness. 

She gestures to a golf cart and stops him just before it. "We have to search you and your things. I can do it, or a preferred team member. Mr. H said it was imperative you were made to feel comfortable, but I do still have to check you aren't some weapon-wielding psycho. So we'll do it mid-way at the gatehouse." Eddie's eyebrows raise in alarm, fearing the worst. Jesus, how intrusive was this search gonna be? A smirk appears on her face, "Don't worry, Mr Munson, it's just a pat down, scan and bag check. I'm fairly confident I could incapacitate you before you pulled anything out of your ass." Her smile broadens, and it looks like she almost laughs.

Cleared by the search, he's returned his camera bag and taken to the house. House seems like a stupid word to use. It looked like a castle or fortress. It was huge. It loomed over the surrounding grounds, and Eddie felt tiny in its shadow. This place was light years away from where Harrington was in his life the last time they had crossed paths. The jealousy and loathing wake up in Eddie again, remembering the picture that ended everything. 

He just didn't get it.

He had taken that kind of shot hundreds of times. It went viral. The fans loved it. It eventually ended up on everything from billboards to stamps, but initially, it was just a social media post with his handle tagged in the text beneath it for two months. Eddie has been on the precipice of exploding, and in a way, he got a taste. Marney was inundated with offers, so many he was booked solid for two years by the end of the month, and he is eternally grateful for Marney crossing every t and dotting every I on those contacts because not long later, everything fell apart.

It started when Harrington released his tour diary. The pictures Eddie had taken at that gig were included, as were the shots of hundreds of other photographers. Some of the lesser-known ones in the scene were experiencing the same thing as Eddie. Harrington's tour had garnered so much attention, and his fan base was colossal even before he struck his first chord. Everything that the tour touched had credit cards and offers thrust at it. 

But something had singled Eddie out.

Harrington's team had sent him and Marney a copy each before general release, and before they'd even opened theirs, Marney got an email.

Harrington wanted to work with Eddie personally. Eddie couldn't believe his luck. Agreed straight away. But Marney had looked at Eddie's calendar, and he was already booked.

"Fuck Marney. This is crazy. Tell 'em, yeah, tell 'em the day we finish up all these, I'll leave myself free for any projects he has in mind." He'd almost foamed at the mouth with excitement. He and Harrington were blasting off into success at the same time, and he hated he couldn't give back to the person who gave him a boost and put his work in the eyes of millions. 

Marney sent back the offer, and they'd popped a champagne bottle. Before she'd even poured a glass, her phone had buzzed again, and this guy's preoccupation with Eddie had begun.

Eddie sighs and just tries to remember the money as Buckley and her agents of pain guide him through the lavish foyer and corridors until he's in a reception room of sorts. A small circle of sophisticated chesterfields on one side of the room, a wooden bar in the corner and a massive table with chairs neatly tucked in all around it.

One of the team gestures at the armchair, and nervously, Eddie sits with his camera bag and portfolio on his lap. He wasn't so much nervous in that he was expecting something terrible. It was more to do with this place being so fucking daunting and that he had to get through this to get paid.

The door opens, and Eddie forces a smile on his face for his nemesis. But what walks through the door is something else entirely. Eddie stands up immediately, almost dropping his camera bag and portfolio to the ground as he does, but he gets a hand to them at the last second and carefully places them on the coffee table.

The man points at him and, in potentially the most monotonous voice he's ever heard, says, "Great, wonderful, you're on time. I like the cut of your jib already…." He lifts the file he's holding to his eyeline and readjusts his glasses, "Munson." Eddie extends his hand to shake, but the man looks at him, then his hand, and then moves to sit in one of the opposite chairs, leaving Eddie to bashfully lower his hand and sit down.

"Ted Wheeler," he begins, and Eddie raises a hand to stop him as he pulls out his dictaphone, places it on the table, and hits record. The man looks at him over the top of his glasses and lets out the most prolonged sigh Eddie thinks he's ever heard. "Ted Wheeler of Wheeler & Family, representing Grindbone Records." He almost sounds bored of saying it. His voice was verging on dreary, "Mr Harrington wanted to arrange this so we can ensure everyone is on the same page." He scoffs and rolls his eyes, and that catches Eddie off guard. Shouldn't this guy be kissing Harrington's ass? He opens a file, and inside is a photocopy of the contract he's already seen and signed, "Just so you are aware, the agreed amount of one hundred thousand dollars will be paid for by the record label on completion of the project, as documented and signed for here." He taps the paper between them, "The remainder of the money," he shakes his head in disbelief, "promised to you by Mr Harrington, will come from himself whenever you've agreed between yourselves. We have no part in-"

A crash from somewhere in the house makes Eddie nearly jump clean out of his skin due to how quiet and monotonous this guy's voice has been. The guy opposite is unphased. He simply sighs, rolls his eyes, folds his arms and leans back in his seat. 

There is another crash and a livid, "Why didn't anyone wake me?" Something smashes, "Where is Buckley? SHUT UP!! I DON'T WANT YOUR FUCKING EXCUSES!! GET ME ROBIN FUCKING NOW!!! ROBIN!!!"

Seconds later, Buckley and one of her minions run through the room they are in and through the door Ted had entered from. Eddie doesn't know what to do, so he sits awkwardly for a second as the shouting gets further away and becomes muffled before leaning across the table.

"Look, can I level with you?" Eddie says quietly.

"I suppose we may as well do something while waiting for the theatrics to finish." Ted sighs and doesn't move or even look at Eddie.

"I don't understand why I'm here. I signed the contract. I've agreed to what was asked. The residency doesn't start for a while yet. I don't get it." Eddie says in hushed tones, occasionally glancing at the door.

Ted laughs sarcastically, "Well, join the club, Sport." Eddie's beginning to wonder if he's got competition in the ranks of hating Harrington.

"You don't know why I'm here either?" Eddie asks.

"Son, I don't know why I'm here." He says like he's absolutely over all of this already, "whatever all on the same page means." he mutters under his breath and checks his watch.

"OK, great. Well, that's just marvellous." Eddie says sarcastically and leans back in his seat, tapping his knees as he does so.

Ted turns to him and looks him over, "For a man getting paid a million dollars, you sure don't seem happy to be here."

"It's not that I'm unhappy," Eddie lies with a sprinkling of work laugh, sending him a big beaming grin, "I'm just confused as to what could be $900,000 worth of urgent."

"You should have held out another hour," Ted says, no humour in his voice. 

"Pardon?" Eddie says in surprise.

"Probably would have been offered double, or he would have sent his jet for you," Ted states factually, looking at his watch again, and Eddie frowns. That didn't feel good. The feeling of being bought. Like he had a price. Which ultimately was true, but to realise that about yourself feels hideous.

"This happen often?" Eddie asks, knowing it's to lessen that gross feeling creeping over his skin. If other people were bought this way to do his bidding, maybe Eddie wouldn't feel so weird about it.

The guy chuckles heartily, "People don't say no to Steve Harrington in the first place. Well, apart from you, evidently." Ted looks him up and down with a slightly raised eyebrow.

That riles Eddie up inside. What the fuck is this asshole implying, exactly?

Then it hits him. This interaction, Buckley's comments about staying over, Steve's persistence, throwing crazy amounts of money, promotions, or promises of backing his projects, and up until this offer. He'd declined everything because Harrington had ruined his career, but no one says no to Steve Harrington because everyone jumps at the chance to say yes to Harrington, just as Eddie did initially. They think I've been playing hard to get.

Eddie whips his phone out rapidly.

Eddie: Marina…

Marney: Did you get there ok? Everything went smoothly I hope. Have a great day, very busy today babe. Speak soon xxx

She'd set him up.

Eddie: Don't you dare pull that copy and paste message in me!! 

Eddie: Just one thing, all those times I said no, did you tell anyone why I said no?! 🤬

Marney: Of course not, because I don't burn bridges Eddie. I just told them….you were busy. 

Eddie facepalms at the screen, and Ted grimaces, eyeing him worriedly.

Eddie: So no one here has any idea that he ruined my career? They think I did a job, and then turned down offer after offer for no goddamn reason?!!

Marney: It was for a reason. You were busy. I just didn't say with what. Besides, advertising yourself as someone with their dreams in the toilet isn't exactly the brand I'm building for you Ed.

Eddie's lips form a tight line, and his grip is so tight around his phone he is sure he is one squeeze away from crushing it. He closes his eyes and counts to ten. 

He gets to six.

He hears a sharp inhale from the other side of the door. 

Ted stands, so Eddie copies him, even though he'd rather not. The guy isn't royalty. 

The door swings open. Buckley comes in first. Then, with a hack of a cough in strides Harrington, rubbing at his nose. Wearing some cliché rockstar garb, not what Eddie remembers and certainly not how he usually appears in the media or his work. Sheer shirt, lace-up pants, smeared eyeliner and dishevelled hair adorned with a few tattoos, piercings and excessive accessories. But Eddie smiles. Hugely. Almost laughs.

Harrington stops dead in his tracks. For a glimmer, he looks surprised but quickly falls back into himself. He pops his bony hip out to the side and runs a hand through one side of his obnoxious hair, looking Eddie over like he's got any place to judge him. But not even that can wipe the grin from Eddie's face because Harrington looks like shit. Like he hasn't slept in a year. Like he literally slithered out from under a rock. He looks like half the man in Eddie's old photographs of him.

Eddie grabs his camera, "Would you mind?" He says, gesturing to it. 

Harrington smiles and shakes his head, "Not at all." He talks like it's too much effort to enunciate his words, more a mumble than anything, "How do you want me?"

"You don't have to pose. Sometimes it's more fun if it happens naturally, like a candid shot?" Eddie says, his fingers moving rapidly over the camera and lens to prepare it for the lighting and distance this room could offer him.

"A voyeur," Harrington smirks.

Eddie's instinct is to bark back at this guy's mocking of him, but he thinks about the money and Marney. About his ideas and the differences he could make. He forces a small smile and tries to be funny, "A wildlife photographer."

Harrington laughs. His ringed hand comes to his face as he brushes his bottom lip with his thumb and looks Eddie up and down again. It's making Eddie's skin crawl. He feels Buckley's eyes on him and reluctantly lowers the camera, "Maybe the more spontaneous photos aren't suitable for this project." Eddie offers to cut the tension.

"Are you him?" Harrington asks with wide, almost manic eyes, and Eddie isn't sure who the He is that Harrington is referring to, "You aren't one of his underlings, are you?" and it must show because he doesn't wait for him to answer, he looks to Buckley. She nods, and Harrington bites his knuckle at her before turning back to Eddie. "You have my permission to take as many pictures of me as you want. Whenever you want. However, you want." He croaks out quietly. Even the way he talks annoys Eddie, like speaking at a normal volume like an average person is beneath him. Eddie's eye twitches with repressed rage.

"Provided we have access to them all, before you publish any, of course," Ted interjects, and Eddie watches Steve snap his head in Wheeler's direction, his mood shifted on a pinhead. Almost a snarl on his lip, tensed jaw, and a piercing glare.

Eddie snaps a photo.

Ted shoots a look at Eddie, and Buckley stiffens her posture.

The shutter noise does something to Harrington. Not only does it pull him out of his rage, but Eddie sees him instinctively go for that iconic Harrington pose he's been doing since his modelling days. 

He shifts his weight to one leg, a thumb in the pocket, pulling down his waistband further, as the fingers of the same hand splay out elegantly like a dancer against his hip and upper thigh, and he rolls back that shoulder. A minuscule bowing and tilting of the head, finding his light easily, before looking at the floor and flicking his eyes straight back up to the lens, a subtle pout on his lips.

Eddie takes another photo.

Everyone relaxes. 

Well, everyone except for Eddie, who is starting to get the sinking feeling that not only is Harrington insane, but this whole place might be, too.

"Show me," Harrington demands, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, already extending his hand and approaching Eddie.

"Mr Harrington, I don't have time for this." Ted sighs, exasperated, and gestures to the seat next to him. Harrington rolls his eyes, clenches a fist, and turns to sit in the armchair.

Eddie releases the breath he didn't realise he was holding and sits down.

Once seated, Eddie tries to keep most of his attention on the rep, reviewing contract details they have all already read and signed. He occasionally acknowledges Harrington out of civility, but every time he finds his gigantic pupils are already boring into him, his leg bounces, his rings tap against the arm of the chair, or he fidgets some other way.

Eddie tries his best to concentrate on what is being said, but there is nothing new here. Nothing that wasn't in the contract. He can feel the ire rise in him. He pushes it back down, thinking about the money, and smiles broadly at Ted, but the goddamn tapping and staring was distracting. So much so that it felt like it started getting louder than Ted. It's like his patience is being rapidly worn down by the human cheese grater that is Steve Harrington.

"I feel we're all on the same page here. Do you need me for anything else?" Ted says his tone is steady, but Eddie thinks he can detect the slight hints of disdain.

"He has to complete the project now?" Harrington mutters to Ted but doesn't take his eyes off Eddie, and unnerving doesn't cover it. Eddie does a bit of internal coaching. It's just ten pictures, and it's a million dollars. You could probably get most of them done in one day. You're on call, but you're not obliged to spend twenty-four hours a day with this creep. It's gonna be fine, then take the money and run the hell outta here.

"Yes, he's signed the contract. If he breaks it, it will go to legal." Ted answers and Harrington's shoulders relax a little, "But I doubt that would happen. He seems professional enough." he closes the file and gathers it up to stand. Eddie stands, too. He's more than ready to leave this place, go back to the hotel, have something very strong to drink and complain to Marney down the phone for an hour or two. "He was on time for a start," and Eddie feels that jab swing for Harrington, but he doesn't seem to have noticed it.

Ted walks towards one door, and Eddie quickly gathers his things and goes to leave out of the other, but he turns to find the door blocked by two of the security team. He turns to follow Ted through the other door, but a firm, gloved hand lands on his shoulder and stops him in his tracks. Buckley shakes her head once at him and pushes him back into his chair.

Ok, now he's fucking scared. Stuck in a room with this fucked up guy and his minions that seem just to do his bidding. 

He looks up at Buckley, "The meetings over. I can go, right?" He swallows nervously.

"You can spare me five more minutes." Harington's fried voice, much closer than expected, commands, doesn't ask. Eddie nearly jolts at the sound like it was a jumpscare.

Ted turns back in the doorway and looks directly at Harrington, "That is unless Mr Munson finds his working conditions unsuitable, or if he were to sustain an injury that would prevent him from meeting his contractual obligations, then I believe we postpone, or the project is over." He turns his attention to Eddie like he can read his mind. Like he knows, he just thought about flinging himself headfirst into the coffee table to escape this impending shitshow. "We would have to, of course, investigate where the blame lies and then assess compensation for both parties." His eyes return to a clenched-fisted Harrington, "And it's such a lot of money we've invested, we'd have to recoup it from elsewhere in the business." For the first time ever, he witnesses Harrington shrink. He steps away from Eddie, not taking his eyes off the man in the doorway.

Eddie can sense this is a veiled threat of some kind, but Harrington just threw nearly a million at him to get here today. He could give them the hundred grand easily. 

Ted nods, "Gentlemen." And closes the door behind him.

Harrington walks to the larger table, "You bring 'em?" There is a silence, and as Eddie looks at Buckley, she raises her eyebrows, indicating it's him being asked.

"Er, yeah. Yeah. Right here." He answers, holding up the portfolio to someone who isn't even looking at him.

"Set 'em out." Harrington taps his fingers on the massive table in front of him. Buckley gives him a helpful guiding hand towards the table because Eddie freezes. He doesn't want to get any closer than he has to. Leaving a good gap between the two of them, he starts laying out the photos from that first concert in equally spaced rows, ordering them chronologically through the show. He takes a few more steps away once he's done and waits.

"Pool house or guest room?" Harrington asks.

Eddie doesn't mean to, but he just blurts out, "What?" with a laugh full of nervous energy.

Harrington unrolls himself from his slightly hunched form and straightens up to face him, a small smile on his lips, "For tonight, did you choose the pool house or one of the guest rooms?" He looks him over again, and the intensity of it makes Eddie remember his school days. The sinking feeling before a bully is about to strike. "You look like a pool house kinda guy to me."

"Oh, um, neither," Eddie replies, and Harrington looks over to his head of security, his brows furrowed. 

"Says he's not feeling too good. Would rather stay in a hotel." Buckley answers his questioning expression.

"Interesting," Harrington says as he steps closer to peruse the photographs. 

There is a shrill, "Harry!! Where are you?" from somewhere in the building.

"Excuse me." He mumbles and leaves the room for a second before re-entering with a large group of people surrounding the table. Eddie looks around at them subtly. He recognises a number of them, relatively high-profile people. A few movie stars, a pop star, directors, the rest he doesn't know. The one that enters draped around Harrington's neck he recognises as a reality TV star, Heidi something, he doesn't remember.

Eddie knows he's getting paid a million dollars already, but the money potential in this room right now is making him feel very greedy. He resolves to try and relax. Maybe he could get something else out of all this.

Heidi swings around Harrington's neck like one of his long chains and leans over the photos, pushing a few of them out of line. It makes Eddie's eye twitch again, but he just lets it happen, "Wow, did you take these?" She bats her spider leg lashes at Harrington, who chuckles and points himself out on several of them.

"Impossible. He did," Harrington replies, nodding his head towards Eddie, and all eyes around the table fall on him. As unnerving as it is, Eddie forces a smile and gracious nod. Harrington turns to the table, "Munson Photography. He's working with me on the next set of gigs." There is a chorus of nods and approving noises as the crowd swarm over the photographs. 

Heidi squeals and picks up a photo of Harrington strutting along the stage catwalk. The crowd lit up behind him, "Can I take this one?" She holds it up to Harrington.

"You'll have to ask the man himself, but prepare yourself for a no. He likes those." Harrington smirks at him as he answers her. There is a smattering of mutters around the table, and Eddie quickly leaps into action. 

"You're welcome to it. It's just a print." He smiles at her, even rips one of the pockets out the back of the folder and puts the photo safely inside for her, "There you go." Harrington is observing him the whole time. He sincerely hopes this isn't a jealousy thing because he really had nothing to worry about. She was not Eddie's type at all. "We aren't called that anymore, by the way, but this is my agent's contact number if you want it." He pulls out a little pile of cards and drops them next to the pictures on the table.

She turns to Harrington, "Is your friend gonna be here later, Harry?" She asks, and there is a slight tone to it, a raise of an eyebrow, as she presses herself up against him, and his arm naturally falls around her waist.

"He doesn't wanna stay. He's a very busy man." Harrington says, grinning at Heidi. They fall into some sort of all-tongue, not much of anything else kiss, and Eddie busies himself lining up the photos again to avoid cringing. She whispers something to him. Harrington releases her and stands right next to where Eddie had been leaning over the images, readjusting them. His arm stretches around the back of him, and his hand grasps the back of the chair on the other side of Eddie, "Which ones your favourite?" He asks quietly, right next to Eddie's ear. He doesn't think he's ever felt more uncomfortable than right now.

The truth is, none of them anymore. The whole memory is tainted, but he plays the game, "The one with the curtain call." He says quickly, "Excuse me." He says politely with a smile and tries to wiggle out of his situation, but Harrington's arm is firmly still in place. He could just vomit.

"You like my friend Heidi?" Harrington whispers as the others talk amongst themselves for a little while.

Eddie knows what he's getting at and honestly wouldn't have thought someone as arrogant as Harrington to be into that, but he plays dumb, "She seems like a lovely lady."

Harrington lets out a small, quiet laugh, "Mmhmmm, she is. She's pretty friendly, too, as are her girlfriends. There are so many of them. You'd be helping me tonight if you got to know them." He adds, bumping his hip against Eddie's.

"Yeah, they all seem nice." Eddie agrees, hoping it will end this stupid conversation.

His bloodshot, dilated pupil eyes lock onto Eddie's as he tries to escape, "Point your favourite out to me, Eddie." 

His stomach churns as the command catches him off guard, "What?" He exclaims a little more loudly than he means to, and soon, all eyes are back on him.

Harrington's grin widens, "The photograph, Eddie."

He overly enunciates his name. Eddie swallows hard and obliges, pointing it out. Harrington leans over him to get a look, pressing his arm into Eddie's back. He hums, shifts a little and then locks his gaze with Eddie again, "Are you gay?" He asks bluntly, and the table erupts with laughter. The only people not laughing are Eddie and Harrington, though he is wearing a smile, and Eddie is wearing several shades of natural blush.

Eddie was out and proud. These days, it wasn't anything to hide, but something about this interaction made him want to crawl into a hole and disappear forever.

Heidi thumps Harrington's arm, "Don't be a dick, babe. You can't just out people. It's very un-pc! Leave him alone." She reprimands him, and he laughs mischievously, wrapping her back into his arms and finally tears his eyes from Eddie's.

Today, he'd arrived here, loathing Harrington. Now, his insides were a boiling cesspool of putrid hatred for him. He's beginning to question if this is worth a million dollars. He thinks about Marney. He reminds himself he wouldn't be able to make this amount of money in his lifetime probably. He could upgrade his kit, buy a house, buy Wayne a house, support local charities, shit, and start his own charity project. He takes a very subtle deep breath by bowing his head and letting his hair hang in front of his face, collecting himself quickly. Then, he straightens up and beams at them all, "Well, that isn't really relevant to either of our projects, so forgive me for not answering." 

All eyes return to Harrington, and he huffs out a laugh and looks around the table, "It was only a question. But you know what, maybe it's not that. Maybe he just thinks you girls are a bunch of sluts, and Mr Munson here has much higher standards."

"I can assure you, it's not that," Eddie says, picking up the photos and filing them away.

"Oh, you don't mind a slut then?" Harrington laughs loudly, and the people around the table join him. And that is the last straw. 

What was this guy's problem? He'd been begging Eddie to work with him again for years, and when he said yes, he paid nine times as much to get him here the next day. Had he simply done that to get Eddie back for saying no? Had he paid nine hundred grand to get Eddie in a room to belittle him in front of others? Is that the level of Ego he was dealing with here? Though fuming with annoyance, Eddie remembers to keep it civil. Otherwise, they'd look at him as the bad guy.

"It's my job to capture people and moments, maybe tell their story, but judge them? No." Eddie shuts his file and feels the jovial atmosphere disappear with its contents. He looks up and around the table. Everyone is looking at Harrington again. The smile has wiped from his face, and his eyes are cast down slightly, "There's plenty of people out there already eager to do that. I don't need to add to their number." Harrington's eyes flick back up to his for a moment but look away again, and Eddie feels the power has shifted. He can't resist picking up the metaphorical boxing gloves Wheeler left behind and taking a few jabs himself. "When someone with enough influence judges someone loudly enough. It's easy for others to gather their pitchforks en masse, ready to raze everything to the ground."

He collects his things and sees Harrington returning to being a little hunched over the table. He waves the others out with a flick of his hand. Eddie goes to follow them, but this time, Harrington stops him himself. He doesn't look Eddie in the eyes, doesn't touch him directly, just pulls on the bag strap to stop him, "I get carried away sometimes." He mutters out. Eddie's insides are still swimming with anger, but he can hear and see the unspoken apology. 

That might have been one of the three authentic interactions between them today. One when he asked if Eddie had to do this. Two, when he asked if Eddie was gay, and now this. The rest of it was very much a show of sorts, for whom Eddie wasn't certain. Whilst the first two had only thrown gasoline on the fire, that was his hatred for this guy. That last one was a handful of sand.

He puts it down to having behavioural problems himself as a kid. Getting things wrong and not often getting a chance to make up for them. Then, being judged and labelled over it. That is probably why he hated this Harrington situation so much. His dad wouldn't console him when he got duped by people time and time again because he'd give them room to apologise. His dad had said he was a pushover or a doormat, but Wayne said his kindness wasn't a weakness. He just needed to be more savvy about how much he let those people back in.

"See you in two weeks, Mr Harrington," Eddie says, an unspoken iota of forgiveness.

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Songs that inspired this chapter:

[prayers-to-hyliarceus]

tag navigation!

i'm probably going to have a lot more tags in the future so i will actually just make this a separate post to make it more manageable for both me and you :> (always gonna be pending updates!)

main tags!

#storydev - the main storyline of the pokeblog!

#stop time arc - a story arc where Celebi goes to Dialga for the teeny tiny favor of completely stopping the flow of time in Hyrule. she’s worried about her humans and their anxiety ok 🥺

#satlorei - i made a separate tag just for my beloved horsie boi Satori because sie is all kinds of fucked up <3 this is for when Satori lore gets dropped or a more Satori-centric post is made :> (and the name is just a combination of 'lore' and 'satori' lmao)

major side tags!

#throne of nothing arc - 100 follower celebration mini-arc that introduces anon asks from King Rhoam! he starts being an emotionally abusive bitchass to Zelda but he gets better dw <3

minor side tags!

#rotomposting - a character tag for whenever one of the characters' Rotom phones takes a video or photo post!

#Frog Saga - literally just Zelda getting Pelipper mailed a shitton of frog merch. that's it

#ask game - self-explanatory :P all ask games/prompts will be tagged with this

#glimpse of the past - this is an ask game where you can get a glimpse of one of my characters' pasts! it will be always ongoing and yall are free to send in an hourglass emoji whenever :D

(originally had character tags for all the characters but at this point i think i'll just do it for the ones that won't appear all the time. it's a bit of a hassle otherwise LMAO)

[with-the-flickers-of-light]

Ok, so.

[deep breath]

Since this is a Taylor Swift fan blog (even if it's one with zero (0) followers), it feels important to address my thoughts on the Matty Healy situationship.

Warning, this is going to be a post critical of the relationship. I absolutely do not believe that being a fan means that I have to support all of Swift's decisions. Also, content warning for swearing, light discussion of exploitative/abusive pornography, anti-Semitism, racism, sexism, and just general shittiness.

If you want anything tagged or fact-checked, please let me know!

Before diving in, my general thoughts on celebrity relationships:

As a general rule, I don't believe in speculating about celebrities' relationships. I am only really looking into Healy now since the publicization of the Swift/Healy relationship seems to be quite intentional at this point. And while I don't believe in holding women to a higher standard than men, or in erasing their professional achievements to gossip about their personal lives, I also believe that we as consumers get to choose who we support. Professionals are entitled to privacy, yes, but "privacy" is not a free pass to ignore moral wrongs.

For me, my basic stance is that I understand "The Man", but that many of the behaviors discussed therein should not be appropriate for anyone, whether a man or not. So no, this isn't about me being a misogynist and overriding Swift's professional achievements with gossip about her love life. This is about me pointing out that no one is free from accountability -- whether or not the media holds you accountable, somebody will.

I do believe the rich and famous have at least some responsibility to do good in the world. You have privilege, you have a platform. Hell, the world could refuse to ever give you another cent and you'd probably remain better-off for the rest of your life than most people. And especially if you choose to cultivate parasocial relationships with your fans, you have to realize that making shitty choices will feel like personal betrayals to them. As a celebrity, you know that your public decisions will be held under scrutiny and that they will impact the general population, because you hold influence.

And finally, on the nature of romantic relationships: I identify as aromantic-asexual, so I will be the first to admit that I do not understand all the urges that go into dubiously intelligent relationships. Nonetheless, I hold that while attraction may be involuntary, a relationship is a choice. (There are, of course, cases of abuse where the "relationship" is really not a choice on one side, but based on all we've seen I do not think Swift/Healy is one of them.)

That said, we arrive at the issue of Healy.

Healy is not the kind of person I am interested in supporting, financially or otherwise. I'm not going to list off all his crap -- it's well-known enough to be on Wikipedia at this point. (Which I hear is in a bit of an editing war? Never a good sign, y'all.) This post is about my response, because you can find the facts elsewhere (and you've probably already read them elsewhere).

If he was middle-of-the-road questionable -- like, if all he did was eat raw meat -- it could be excused. Whatever, I'm not going to ever be a fan of that, but I'm also not going to give a damn aside from doing a double-take at the headline and then sighing.

The licking fingers and kissing fans thing... that's. A, uh. It's a choice. That's the point where I'm kind of like... what? But sure, I guess you could argue that it's a morally gray area, because it's weird, and dubiously consensual, but I dunno, fans could be into that or something? Definitely not something I'm into, but pending further investigation on the case, I could bring myself to just roll my eyes at another trashbag.

And then we get into his recent, shitty statements. "It was just a joke/ironic/satire" is a bullshit excuse and in the year 2023, we all know it. If you're a celebrity who has a PR team, I sure as hell know that you know it. I am willing to forgive misguided jokes if they were from a bygone era and the offender has since apologized for the harm they caused.

Hell, maybe I could bring myself to accept the "ironic Nazi salute"; sure, maybe he was trying to bring awareness to Trump/Kanye-gate by drawing that parallel. I could convince myself that he really was acting in good faith, because there is a maybe possibly potentially decent outcome he could've been angling at.

To be clear, I don't believe it. I think we all know to not do the Nazi salute, even in satire.

But even if I did, well.

I am not willing to forgive Healy "joking" about masturbating to exploitative pornography of black women in the year 2023, without even an apology (to the best of my knowledge). I'm not going to speculate on whether or not he really was joking, but whether it was a fact or a joke, it's fucking disgusting. Whether it's a stage personality, a joke, an ironic comment, or satire, if it's you causing harm, then it's shitty. At best, it's ignorant and reckless; at worst, it's... I don't even know what to say. And again, in the year 2023, it's not hard to tell what could be harmful in said "joke" about porn, so I don't put much stock in the "ignorant" column.

There is no possible good outcome from a "joke" like that, which means there is no possible positive spin for me to try to play. There is no reason to be that shitty.

The evidence is clear and simple, and it leads to the conclusion that supporting Healy is not something I can be at all interested in or tolerant of.

What about the good things he's said?

Well, let's keep this short and sweet: human decency is not a transaction. Good actions don't cancel out bad actions, except for when the good action is a fucking good apology that genuinely seeks to make reparations for the bad action.

Okay, but why should Swift take responsibility for that?

Straight up, whether or not Swift is a "feminist" is irrelevant to this conversation -- this is the standard I apply to people regardless of what beliefs they claim (although it would come with an extra helping of hypocrisy if you do want to claim to support women and POC). What's relevant is that she has chosen to publicly and positively associate herself with a known piece of shit. And being in a relationship with Healy is tacitly supporting his views. There is no way she -- a self-proclaimed "mastermind", a "calculated/smart businesswoman" -- doesn't know this.

There is no professional benefit to associating with Healy, either. The David O'Russell movie could be hand-waved with "it was a professional opportunity". Where the Crawdads Sing could be reasoned away as "separating art from artist". But her dating life is 100% a personal choice. The only benefit to dating Healy is dating Healy. There's no other opportunity here, just the chance to spend time with and tacitly support a dirtbag.

(I know that she knows that "they're nice to me" does not magically make a shitty man a good person. You know how I know that? Because that's what she said during Scooter-gate. So there are no excuses here.)

She is a grown woman fully capable of cognitively processing the consequences of publicly supporting Healy. I don't care what she says in "Don't Blame Me", I am blaming her, because it's her own damn choice. She is making the choice, consciously and with no other benefits, to publicly take the side of someone known for racist and sexist behaviors.

And that's something that we can absolutely hold her accountable for.

Because at this point, supporting Swift is also tacitly affirming Healy's problematic behavior.

So how does this situation resolve?

There are 3 parties in this situation: Swift, Healy, and the fanbase. At least one of us has to step up and do better.

Swift could wake up, realize just how bad this is, and do better.

Healy could have an epiphany where he realizes just how bad his actions have been, and make a concerted effort to do better and make reparations.

We as a fanbase could walk away, because we are unwilling to tolerate the bullshit.

At this point, it seems kind of unlikely that wither Swift or Healy are going to change for the better. That leaves it up to us.

And now for the tricky part: deciding what to do as a fan.

Blech. It's easy enough to come to the conclusion that Swift's recent behavior has been unpalatable. It's harder to figure out what to do about that.

As fans, I know that there are a lot of emotions involved. There's the parasocial relationship that you want to hang onto; there's the importance her music may have played for you personally; there's basic appreciation for the technical construction of her work. And I know there's definitely the undying hope that maybe this is all a misunderstanding and maybe she really is better than this.

Either way, to me, there are 3 steps to getting clean from supporting problematic artists:

Stop public support. There's a time for silence, and there's a time to fucking speak now. Stop wearing merchandise, or repurpose it. Don't keep running a stan account as if nothing has happened.

Stop active financial support. Don't put money into her. Don't buy albums, merchandise, or concert tickets.

Stop passive financial support. That's streaming on Spotify, things where you might not be paying, but she's still getting money.

And then the final step is severing emotional connections. Stop singing her music for fun; stop listening to already-purchased music. I don't include this in the 3-step process because in my opinion, it's not a prerequisite to cut out a problematic artist's art to stop supporting the problematic artist (unless that art is reflective of their shittiness). What you choose to do in private without any interaction with the artist is your own business. It impacts no one but you if you continue listening to your existing downloads of Swift's music.

With all that in mind, for now, I'm not deactivating this blog. I'm going to let my queue finish itself off. And then I'm probably going to write a few reflections on some of her more questionable lyrics, because I do think there are some... interesting things in there that deserve to be discussed.

When all's said and done, though, this blog is probably going to go into indefinite hiatus, because I'm not interested in running a hate-blog, nor am I willing to continue running a fan-blog.

So. Yeah. That's where I'm at.

[smokedanced]

GETTING TO KNOW YOU.

respond to the following prompts out of character. then, tag others that you'd like to get to know a little bit better!

ROLEPLAYER NAME: havu.

ROLEPLAYER PRONOUNS: they/them.

MUSE NAME: -inhales- charlie bradbury, chloe price (pending), clara oswald, dean winchester, edi, edward teach, ella finnegan, eloise bridgerton (pending), ever hayes, garrus vakarian, hannibal lecter, hurley reyes, iris hunt, izzy hands, jake takizawa (pending), jeremy bradshaw, jillian marks, juliet burke, kenna de poitiers, lucius spriggs, mary stuart, river song, tali'zorah, the tardis, tenth doctor, tyrion lannister, will graham. on other blogs, castiel, thirteenth doctor & wren shepard.

PREFERRED COMMUNICATION: tumblr im box is small, so discord is much easier for me to focus on, but either.

EXPERIENCE: over ten years on tumblr, nearly two decades overall (shit, i'm old).

PREFERRED ROLEPLAY TYPE: the best roleplay connections are those that are cross-genre. a lot of different tropes and moods for the same characters, to make up a vibrant story. a thread here, another there, no need to write them chronologically at all! i do have some favourite tropes (hurt/comfort, villain/victim, kink...) but even those work the best when included in a multigenre arc. so basically anything goes!

PET PEEVES & DEALBREAKERS:

any kind of making fun of and/or harrassing, bullying, making callouts, or trying to dictate other people's fictional enjoyment. i don't care if the subject matter is something i'm personally disgusted by; if you call people gross, freaks, weird, for the fiction they enjoy, if you reblog callouts that focus on fiction, i will unfollow/block you. boundaries are fine, a polite "dni if you write (topic)" is fine. but if you even push your pinky toe over the line towards making it anything more than a personal boundary, i do not tolerate that, and i do not feel safe around you.

not letting me know which muses you are interested in. the amount of people who follow me, but never do my interest tracker or initiate interaction (i'm ok with the tracker not being done if you send in stuff or just plain tell me in a message which muses you want to write with), despite this being in my rules, is frustrating. i can't read your mind. i can't just assume all of my muses are free game, unless you tell me that. i give people several months to do this before unfollowing, but eventually i will unfollow, as there is... no interaction. i will happily interact first, send memes, etc. if i just know what muses you are open to.

assuming i'm not interested/am upset with you if i don't respond to ooc messages fast enough. it's fine if it's a dealbreaker for you if someone is responding slowly, but you don't get to say i "wasn't interested". you don't know that unless i say that plainly. i rarely talk in real time. i take hours, days, weeks, even months to reply to people ooc. fuck, one of my best friends and i sometimes don't say a word to each other for over a year, and we still are best friends. i do try to not take literally months to reply to people's ooc messages, because it's not very productive in the sense of keeping plotting going, but taking days or a couple of weeks is just normal, imho, especially if it's not every message several weeks apart all the time.

PLOTS OR MEMES: a little bit of both! i prefer to plot a little at least, but whether that's before writing, or after sending some memes and writing a few responses, is all the same for me! i'm very flexible about this, though, so totally winging it, or plotting in detail, are both fine for me as well.

LONG REPLIES OR SHORT REPLIES: i'm fine with all lengths of replies, but medium, generally? i also think we should normalise reply length varying. if the muses are having rapid-fire dialogue, it makes no sense to write several paragraphs just to make the reply longer, when you need to give the other muse a chance to respond, anyway. and when there's a time-skip and descriptions of what happens in between, it makes no sense to try to jam it all in one little paragraph, a lot of the time. so whatever suits the reply? but also, 2-4 paragraphs as a general guide is my preference. single-para can feel too restricting, and over four paragraphs, especially if they're all chunky ones, makes it harder for executive dysfunction. don't worry about either of these, though! i think the best really is to just write what feels good for the reply, be that shorter or longer.

BEST TIME TO WRITE: legit this just varies, there is no specific time, although i do try to keep a regular sleep schedule (with varying results lol).

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES: no. i may have some similarities to some, but i am not extremely like any of them. i am actually jimmy price from hannibal. only half joking-

TAGGED BY: @serabellyms, thanks! TAGGING: please tag me if you steal it from me, i am curious! i don't want to tag anyone and make them feel obliged to read all this LOL.

[remesrobotics]

Read Me!

See blog header/sidebar for an idea of what's OK to Ask! (Listography was feeling a little oppressive)

Bio posts subject to tinkering over time. Better art/refs pending available energy/interest!

I've set all the links to go directly to bio posts rather than tags, since tags can be followed from there.

============================

CLASSIC SETTING

--DWN(s)--

- Slash Girl - "Crash Girl" -

--Dr. Harp Labs--

- Dr. Taylor Harp -

- Tokay Woman - Reach Woman - Gutter Woman - Heavy Woman - Nail Woman - Slag Woman - Pack Man - Hatch Woman - Snap Woman - Shell Woman -

--Space Numbers--

- Antares -

- Eris - "Queenie" - Kagekiri - Betelgeuse/"Khepri" -

- Ankaa -

--God's Servant Numbers--

- Psalm - Hymn - Choir - Dirge -

============================

ALTERNATE SETTINGS

Hosted on my Main and not technically 'part' of Remes, but keeping track of them here as well for organization purposes

--Battle Network--

- SlashGirl.EXE - TokeiWoman.EXE (2) -

--"Gothic"/Fantasy AU--

- Sevenths - Other -

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What the heck does "remes" mean and why is it relevant to Mega Man OCs??

רֶמֶשׂ

It's the Hebrew word for animals that "creep" upon the ground as used in the Bible to describe things like lizards and insects, especially in the Book of Genesis.

It's meant to play off how a majority of my OCs have overlapping themes of either reptiles, gastropods, arthropods, or (on the other end) biblical themes as with the GSNs (with Dirge's status as a 'locust' bridging them).

It is simply a nod to my own religion and my habit of working it into my creative space; it is in no way meant to indicate political allegiance or any condoning of atrocities committed by those wielding that language.

[risingwolf97]

Evening Mindsets #2

Eren: Alright, admittedly our girl is simply just in relax mode and not quite ready for bed. We've got Lady and The Tramp on and she's honestly half paying attention to it and half high right now. Perfect time for a daily status report. Who wants to start?

Jackie: I will. Ok for our girl, today I was in charge of motor skills alongside Dani and today our girl kicked major ass with knocking out a full mile and a half on the treadmill! Then, just because I wanted to show off because my wife came into the room, I had her jump rope for 5 minutes...ok that was probably a bad idea because she did trip and fall, but she did recover!

Eren: Okay. Not glad to hear that she fell and recovered, but ok. Glad to hear about the treadmill!

Dani: *clicks on screen* Ok first and foremost, our girl almost was left by her ride to class today! So obviously I almost had to raise richeous HELL! Yet, they came and she was picked up. Anyways, like Jackson said, we tag teamed up on motor skills and I took over for the work site and lemme tell ya, that was A LOT of potato peeling and that water was FREEZING for cleaning those oysters! So naturally our girl is exhausted from all that physical exertion. Not to mention the mental and emotional strain, but I'll leave that to Ivory and Ivy to talk about. Ciao! *Clicks off screen*

Ivory: *huffs* Always leaving in a huff that Nephilim. Anyways that "mental strain" she was referring to was simple. Our girl was simply trying to redo a little math for some credit cards. She missed a number or two on some addition for a total on some pending charges on like two cards and had to fix it. Nothing else. *(under her breath)* Freaking overreacting princess.

Eren: That's real good. Who's next?

Ivy: *kicks Chrissy's leg under her desk*

Chris:*snorts awake and yelps*

Eren: Christina! Excellent! Glad to see you'll be actively participating for once since you've been back from Africa.

Chrissy: *glares daggers at Ivy* Yeah...sure...I basically kept monitoring of our girls' vitals alongside Vi-Rose today. Aside from that, today I've been on an indecisive music shuffle streak with 0 sticking point and I think I briefly drove our girl a little bit nuts with my indecision. Sorry y'all I've been trying to get a small nap in. Kinda suffering from food coma. First time I've eaten my fill in the better part of a month. After all Ramadan is now over! It's now another Eid-al-Fitr and I've been busy all day with the professor, who was not only kind enough to technically give me the day off, but he even offered to join me in going to my family's home for the celebrations (duh, we were all animals, albeit dressed, per our personal tradition)!

Eren: Now that's just so sweet! Ok I guess that's me up. I didn't do much aside from keeping our girls' heath in general check. Made sure she brushed her teeth, combed through that ponytail of hers and ate at some point today (however little it was). Mostly I kept her in a relatively good mood. Alright now that's been almost everyone. Care to share Mrs. Jackson-Obeyron?

Vivianna:*huffing* If...If I must...but remember I'm sharing in between intervals during the ending of dance so I'll make it snappy! Ok so I was in charge of emotional control today and I was a mixed bag of happy and royally pissed and confused. Mostly because that's how I am RT. Look guys that eclipse did something to me. It gave me a new power and it might've done something else. I'm not sure what but I'm going to talk to my doctor's, with my husband and family, tomorrow morning. *huff* *puff*...If I'm right...I might be better. Fingers crossed ladies and Jackie.

[Stunned Silence]

[hydrus]

Version 518

windows

zip

exe

macOS

app

linux

tar.gz

I had an ok week. Tag autocomplete search should be a bit nicer to work with today!

full changelog

tag autocomplete

I rewrote the part of tag autocomplete search that handles showing you early results. The whole thing works better and is smoother.

First off, every time you type something like 'cat' and the search is taking a while, you should now always get 'cat' and 'species:cat' and anything else that might match, with counts, and your selection will be preserved when the full results come in. Quick-entering a tag on both search pages and the manage tags dialog should be faster, easier, and more reliable. This is roughly how things used to work, a long time ago, but the various updates and new options I've added over the years made it patchy and buggy--it should be working again, and with some new quality of life improvements.

Secondly, I've improved sibling lookup in the manage tags dialog. You should now always see siblings, on the pre-results above and the final results, even if the siblings have no count. I think we might want some options for handling how these display and rank (e.g. 'always put the ideal of what I typed at the top of the list'), so see what you think.

Lastly, when you search for tags on a page of thumbnail results, you now get some pre-fetch results very quickly! The full results, which have extra sibling lookup data, will fill in a few seconds later, but, fingers crossed, there will be no more huge waits for anything on thumbnail tag lookups!

misc

The system:time predicates now support hh:mm, like '10:30pm', on the calendar search! Should be easy to cut a day in half now.

I believe I have optimised some content update code. If you have a client with a large page of thumbnails, particularly if that page uses collect-by, let me know if your subscriptions and/or 'upload pending mappings' run a bit smoother.

If you are an advanced Windows user, please check out the bottom of the changelog for an mpv test. I'd like to test out a new dll on a wide range of machines.

next week

My ongoing family IRL stuff is winding down. I'm still going to have extra responsibilities for another month or so, but it shouldn't be too bad. I'd like to have a medium-size job week, and I want to have some fun, so I'm going to try to make a 'click to increment' integer rating service.

[princekirijo]

How about this: SEES are fine with babysitting one or the other when it comes to Ren and Riku, but when they have to babysit the two of them at once... There's a lot of fear.

OK YES YES I LOVE THIS!!!! So I have a few thoughts so I’ll do my best to organize them here:

So I was thinking first off that like Rumi, Takuto and Ren all live in Port Island? Rumi was there because she wanted to be close to her half sister and Takuto maybe for research things? And that’s where they met say.

Sometimes Rumi and Takuto are busy and they obviously need someone to mind Ren so Mitsuru and Yukari are their first choices. Yukari is usually at home so she probably minds them the most. I remember from your series that Ren really likes Featherman so like Yukari is an instant hit with him. Also Yukari is really good with kids in general so babysitting them is no bother for her.

Also really quick I forgot to mention that Riku has a sister Yuna! She’s just as crazy as he is (she has a knife collection that she throws for fun 💔) so when it’s the three of them together? SEES nightmare.

I think aside from Yukari, Shinji and Aigis are probably the best. Shinji is also really good with kids and his cooking is enough to “please the beasts“. Aigis has the advantage of simply being able to keep up with them 💀

Akihiko, Chidori, and Junpei are all banned from baby sitting unless another adult is present. Akihiko joins in on the shenanigans, Chidori genuinely believed it would be a good idea to leave them on their own and Junpei also encourages the bullshit and ends up being the main victim of their pranks

Fuuka and the twins are honestly not too bad. The twins (particularly Minako) will encourage their antics sometimes and Fuuka has a hard time controlling them. Ken is also pretty good he’s their cool older brother <33

And Shibusawa!! I feel like he would get roped into the baby sitting a lot. He’s also a cool uncle and I can see him getting on really well with all three of them!!! Although he is on thin ice for feeding them too much sweets just like your fic 💀

Two incidents I thought of randomly:

One time Akihiko, Minato and Shinjiro were minding them and they managed to freeze a mentos mint into an ice cube and give it to Akihiko who put it in his soda. Shinji was NOT happy about cleaning up the resulting mess. 

Another time they gave Minako a heart attack because they taped a foghorn thing (idk what they’re called but those prank horns) to the back of the door and when she opened it went off. They forgot to remove it though resulting in a very startled Mitsuru when she got home 💀💀

And that’s all I can think of right now!! This AU is actually so much fun thank you for indulging me with it mgoekmokgmorkgm

[goldpilot22]

drawing snapchats of ocs is fun even though they actually act more serious than that during the scene shown

[lisxdumbr]

Hi so after thinking for a while, I decided to take another break (yes, again <3)

Ik no one cares but still I may just give the explanation (?)

I've been struggling a ton with,, existence and life and all those things. I don't want to wake up again, like, ever. and every day it's the same feeling and hhhh. also my intrusive thoughts have been getting worst and worst in the past few weeks, reason why I had to isle myself from a lot of my friends and society in general and I'm not coping ok with that 0(-(

I am in a very insane point of my life, my anxiety and depression are attacking nonstop and I also have a ton of bpd symptoms. So imagine being very depressed and also having manipulative and sadistic/murderous intrusive thoughts and having to isle yourself from that one person because you know it's not sane and coping with all that alone 0(-( yeah I really don't want to sum my social reputation and my social anxiety and insecurities to all that so I better just.. log off. until I'm able to do something with my life if that ever happens AHEM

ANYWAY. I know I have pending ask games, ty for tagging me in those, they make me feel less alone and as if someone actually liked me in this hellsite <3 I queued some posts too, if you see a daily reblog from me, it's Lis from the past (?)

if anything I'll give updates in my private blog bc the ones who follow me there know that I love oversharing my trauma online, twiddle. ALSO, I'm not closed to anyone reaching me in private in case you have my discord or anything, but I probably won't be as talkative as normally.. anyway that's everything byebye.

[headcanonthings]

WinterHawk Fic Rec List

Disclaimer: None of these authors have requested to be on this list. These are all stories that I’ve read and enjoyed. Keep in mind that your taste might not match up to mine and that’s ok! Just because I’ve included it doesn’t mean you have to read it (I won’t be offended if you skip over this whole list). If you do check out a story and like it, please remember to leave kudos and/or a comment ❤

P.S. Always check out the story’s tags so you don’t get surprised by something.

Gen Fics - These stories highlight the friendship between Clint and Bucky so may feature them included in other ships i.e. Clint/Natasha or Steve/Bucky

Clint Barton’s Guide to Friends and Ceiling Vents by NoliteTimereEos (Rated T; Word Count 6,488; Features Clint/Natasha) In which Clint Barton meets a missing assassin in the vents and somehow becomes friends with him. Things don't go as bad as they could have. 

Clint and Bucky: Lost and Found by twangcat (Rated G; Word Count 2, 075; Features Steve/Bucky and Clint/Coulson)  The first time Bucky sees Clint limp into the Avengers tower pretending his ribs aren’t bruised while brushing his wild blond hair out of his eyes, Bucky smiles. When Clint immediately starts railing at Tony for blasting the guy Clint was fighting because, “I didn’t need rescuing Tony, I had him!” Bucky does a double take. 

  Learning to Say Hello by heartdesire456 (Rated M; Word Count 11,229; Features Steve/Bucky and Clint/Coulson) Clint had woken up one morning about three weeks ago (Well, Clint guessed about three. Definitely more than one. Maybe.) and stumbled down to the living room only to realize there was a guy on his couch. The guy just happened to be the Winter Soldier, who Clint knew was actually Steve’s old best friend, Bucky Barnes. Barnes had been having a staring contest with Lucky (one eye shut, to make it fair, Clint had noticed) and Clint had decided to just leave him to it and make decisions after he’d had some coffee. (In which Hawkeye befriends the Winter Soldier and discovers the Epic Love Story of Steve and Bucky nobody knows about)  Shooting Stuff Is Better With Company by WriteThroughTheNight ( Rated T; Word Count 11,636; Features Clint/Coulson and Steve/Bucky) "Natasha tells him that HYDRA is inside SHIELD (which Clint can hardly believe), and that the Winter Soldier is on the playing field. She says the latter with fear and awe, but Clint smiles, small and real, for the first time since New York." OR Clint and Bucky have been friends for years and it's to the archer that he runs after the events of DC.

WinterHawk Fics - Stories where Clint/Bucky are the main couple 

I’ll Keep you Safe Here With Me by sara_holmes (Rated M; Word Count 110,566) Yes, Clint is avoiding the other Avengers. No, he does not want to go back to New York. But then again, he didn't exactly want to be kidnapped by the Winter Soldier either. Really, he just wants to go back to bed.

(Side note: Pretty sure this is the fic that got me into WinterHawk)

Clint Barton’s Super Secret Sniper’s Club by sara_holmes (Rated T; Word Count 67,057; Other ship include Tony/Steve) Clint Barton's Super Secret Snipers' Club. (Invitation and pending mental health evaluation required.) "When Steve brings Bucky back to the tower for the first time, Clint’s first thought is that Tony Stark’s pride and joy is quickly becoming a less of a very tall and expensive ‘fuck you’ in the faces of investors who don’t believe in self-sustaining energy, and more of a superhero rehabilitation center." Boyfriends, compromises and learning to like oneself.

(Side note: would recommend pretty much any WinterHawk fic by this author)

Left Foot Forward by shatteredhourglass  (Rated M; Word Count 22,307; Other ships include Pepper/Tony and Bruce/Natasha) There was an unspoken rule among the Avengers that they didn't talk about Clint's soulmark. They didn't talk about it, they didn't look at it, and they didn't bring it up. 

Falling Off the Face of the Earth by Teeelsie (Rated E; Word Count 77,500) Cap relaxes his hold, but he stays where he is, still looming over him. “Clint. The compound’s been breached,” Rogers whispers urgently, then finally sits back and lets go of him. There’s another explosion, closer this time and throwing more light. He turns his head sharply and sees Bucky Barnes hovering near the door, looking… off. Clint pushes Rogers and he finally stands up so Clint can scramble out of the bed and grab some clothes. He’s wearing only boxers because it’s fucking hot in Wakanda, and he catches Barnes’ eyes flicking across his body. Clint long ago stopped being bothered by people’s reactions to the many scars on his body – not that that many people actually see them - but that doesn’t mean he appreciates when they stare. “Like what you see?” he asks with a hard edge as he pulls on his shirt. Barnes turns his head, at least having the decency to look embarrassed for being caught staring. Rogers looks at them both impatiently and quickly switches gears. “Clint, I need you to take Bucky. Get him out of Wakanda and somewhere safe.” OR Bucky and Clint fall into each other. Bad shit happens. Then it all works out in the end.

Lost & Found by mariana_oconnor (Rated M; Word Count 89,972; Other ships include Tony/Steve and Natasha/Sam) Clint Barton’s got a bag full of stolen money and a burning desire to stay under the radar. His old friends in the Carnival will be looking for him and they sure as hell won’t be happy. In a desperate attempt to stay off their radar, he ends up in Timely, a small town so far off the beaten track he’s surprised he even found it, and waits for Barney to comes and get him. Because Barney will be coming. Clint knows he will. But there's something about the town. Maybe it's the strange wolf that watches him from the trees, and the way people finish conversations when he enters a room. Or it could be the bartender, Bucky, who decided to hate him on sight. Something’s going on in this small town, and Clint’s not sure if he’s jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Thank You for Staying with Us by Noxnthea (Rated T; Word Count 14,390) Ex-special ops, millennial motel receptionist Clint Barton is pretty sure that one of his guests is an honest-to-god assassin, but he's also pretty sure he's willing to let that slide because hot damn have you seen the dude's face? Besides, the only guy he's killed was kinda evil, so there's really no reason for Clint to do anything about his realization, right? or: five times Clint looked the other way, and one time he couldn't look away.

Historic Features by flawedamythyst (Rated T; Word Count 19,254; Other ships include Tony/Steve) “Electrical surges with no source, and music coming from the air, and that damn baseball game no one was watching, and I swear I sometimes hear voices right on the edge of hearing when I should be alone,” said Tony. “What does that sound like to you?” “Sounds like-” said Steve, then hesitated. Tony gave him a pointed look. “Sounds like a haunting,” he finished, reluctantly. “Oh no,” said Clint, in tones of mock-horror. “Ghosts!” Bucky laughed and kissed him. “Man, I hope they’re friendly.” Clint and Bucky are haunting the new apartment that Tony bought in Brooklyn to try and impress Steve.

[aethersea]

you know what, I never do these things, but actually I’ve decided I would like to get to know people better! I would like to partake of the mortifying ordeal! I would like to talk about myself for a bit!

ok for the next...let’s say five days I will answer any of these things that people tag me in, or any random personal questions you plop in my ask box. I don’t have an ask meme on hand but just....pick one you’ve seen recently, or make up questions of your own, and I’ll answer. (the answer might be ‘nope that’s private’ but I will answer.) (@ the anon who asked for book recs - I see you, I’ve been thinking of books all day, I’m going to give you SUCH a long answer, I hope you don’t regret your choices bc it WILL be full of gushing)

alright, let’s go!

🌻 Tag 9 people you want to get to know better

Tagged by @booksandchainmail​

Last Song: I’m currently listening to “Falcon in the Dive” from the Scarlet Pimpernel musical on loop. I watched one or two Scarlet Pimpernel movies when I was just barely too young to fully get what was going on, and the story’s held an odd but deep-seated place in my heart ever since. A few years ago I found out there’s a musical and most of the songs are pretty stellar (go listen to “Madame Guillotine” if you like big ensemble broadway numbers, it’s a banger, the bit where he cries out for God has been running through my mind on and off for a few days now haha not like that’s topical or anything), so every once in a while I spend a few days listening to them a lot.

Sometime last year I read the actual book, and got super into the whole concept of the Scarlet Pimpernel for a while. I plotted out Pimpernel aus for several fandoms, I read the entire wikipedia article, and I went looking for bootlegs of the musical. I didn’t find one, but I did find a full radioplay-style recording of the script, complete with full musical numbers, and listened to it like a podcast.

Reader, I was so disappointed. The play adds some scenes, bc a lot of the dramatic tension of the novel comes from internal conflict and that doesn’t stage super well, and the very first scene of this play – a play written in the NINETIES – features our dashing hero rescuing some aristocrats from a French prison, and then saying to the person in the next cell, who begs for rescue but is not an aristocrat, “We have enough of your kind in England.”

Enough! of your KIND! What in the merry frickety HECK my dudes!! The book has some rather unfortunate™ takes but it is from 1905, it’s regrettable but sadly to be expected. This play is from 1997. It has NO excuse. This scene wasn’t even in the book! What! the heck!

I was so disheartened that I lost my excitement for the play, and a couple songs later I stopped listening. It occurred to me just a few days ago that you could actually stage that ironically, with the person in the cell giving the audience a “can you believe this” look, and then the rest of the play could feature assorted non-aristocratic ensemble members constantly looking at the audience like they’re on The Office. And hey, maybe that’s what they did, or something similar – maybe that was never meant to be taken as a cleanly heroic stance, and the play deals with it in a complex way. It’s possible. I wouldn’t know. Kinda doubt it though, based on song lyrics.

Favorite Color: red, probably

Last Movie: I watched that new lesbian christmas movie with my family for christmas, the one with kirsten stewart and the guy from schitt’s creek. it’s very sweet and good and kinda sad, and I really enjoyed it. it also incidentally has the best gay best friend trope in probably anything ever, bc it’s not a trope (I didn’t realize until several hours after watching that it technically fits), it’s just a guy who is the protagonist’s best friend, and they’re just all gay, and then when he Gives Relationship Advice as a gay best friend always does, it’s advice about how to deal with your partner’s hangups around coming out.

actually every part of the gay best friend trope becomes better when they’re just best friends who are both gay. the big dramatic gestures (in this case, driving some ungodly distance in the snow on no notice) go from “haha how kooky” to “queer man will do anything he needs to to rescue his queer friend from an isolating & potentially triggering situation”. the relationship advice isn’t “honey you deserve some self-respect, treat yourself”, it’s a deeply sincere reminder of the vulnerability that is shared across almost everyone’s queer experience, and look I could ramble about this for a long time before reaching a coherent point but I’m INTO IT, okay? I’m into it.

Last Show: you want me to remember what show I last finished???? impossible, cannot be done, it was a long time ago and the adhd has eaten everything that happened before last week. here, instead I’ll tell you about another movie I watched, late at night with my mom in cozy companionship just a couple days ago. it’s called Quigley Down Under and it’s about a cowboy who goes to Australia and kills a bunch of racists, 10/10 would watch again. it’s from 1990 but it feels much older, with the music choices and the cinematography of a 70s Western. the cowboy is great, honorable and fearless and kind, but the breakaway star of this movie for me is the woman who attaches herself to his side and refuses to leave. her name is Cora, and she’s crazy, in the sense that she’s not altogether tethered to reality, but this never for a second diminishes her agency. she’s fierce and clever and compassionate, and she basically never does anything she doesn’t want to in the whole movie. her arc is about overcoming trauma by taking charge of her own fear and facing it head-on, she is never belittled or dismissed by the narrative or the protagonist, and look she’s just so cool. I love her. she’s so vibrantly alive. her story could probably have been handled with a bit more nuance, but honestly for the 90s it’s pretty great. I’m no expert, but I found nothing objectionable in it, just a bit of heavy-handedness.

anyway the theme of the movie is that racism is evil and racists deserve to be shot, and this too could have been handled better (not a single aboriginal character speaks a single line of english in this movie), but it follows through on that message in every way, while still being a fun kinda campy cowboy movie. overall a very good time.

Currently Watching: started showing my sister Hilda the other day, and she’s liking it! I love that show, it’s so incredibly cute. can’t wait to see season 2

Currently Reading: lmao I wish. lately the brain has firmly rejected all attempts to read anything of any length. currently pending, bc I was halfway through them when my brain stalled out, are tano’s fic What Does Kill You Can Make You Stronger, Too, a Toby Daye book - I think it was The Brightest Fell, I got like half a chapter in and haven’t picked it up in over a month, the Locked Tomb series, and probably a few other things too. ooh! also a book called Making Sex by thomas laqueur, which is my fancy academic reading that I’ve been doing in short bursts for the past year or two when I feel fancy and academic. it’s about the development of the concept of biological sex and of gender in Western society, and it’s fascinating. has among other things introduced me to the idea that until quite recently, fathers were a matter of faith. the mother? yeah, you can watch the baby pop out, we all know who the mother is. but the father? how can you know? how can you really know? we have paternity tests these days, but for all of human history up until now, we've just had to take fatherhood on faith. (not to mention we didn’t even know what fathers were contributing to the production of a fetus. clearly it was something, since you can’t get pregnant without a penis getting involved, but we have literally not known what until the past few decades. and that is wild. it has colored ALL of human history, all of our conceptions of society and family and kinship and gender, all of it, and it hadn’t even occurred to me until it was spelled out for me in this book, and it’s just......wow.

Salty, sweet or savory: for christmas my sister and I made seven different types of cookie, most of them involving chocolate somehow.

Craving: no bc I ate so many cookies. unless sleep counts. or maybe pringles, it’s been many moons since last I had a potato chip and I miss them.

Coffee or Tea: no thank you

Tagging: @coloursisee, @krchy-tuna, @sam-j-squirrel, @xzienne, @mirandatam, @viciousmaukeries, @sepulchritude, @elidyce, and @navigatorsnorth bc it’s been a while since we’ve talked, and I’m super hyped that you’re married now. v happy for you!