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undergrounddweller89 · 4 years

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More random thoughts on if Killian and Walter lived together some time after movie events, still au and ooc and Killian is I dunno how to describe it in love a little obsessed secretly with Walter and this is one ramble where there's no admittance of love between them as It's a time prior to that, anyway I throw sense out the window I'm literally too tired to get everything right and wrote this on the spot so bleh on mistakes and stuff.

Killian was rifling through his draws, where was it, he'd wanted to wear it last night for bed, he was sure it'd been put back, he sighed wearily, maybe it was at the bottom of the wash basket still.

He went down the stairs for breakfast where Walter was munching on toast, Lovey on his shoulder.

Watching tv, amazing really, especially as Beckett was usually jotting some new idea down.

Aaaand then he saw it.

"Walter."

Killian's voice was a soft growl as he quirked a brow and folded his arms.

Walter looked up at him like a guilty puppy who knew he'd done something wrong but hoped the look would let him get away with it.

"Yes, Killian?"

He asked trying to sound innocent as possible.

"I was looking for that shirt last night, care to tell me how it ended up on you?"

Walter looked at Lovey and then at Killian

"Ummm well it was in my drawer, I dunno it just looked really comfy and...I'm sorry I won't borrow your clothes anymore..."

"Borrowing would imply that you asked for them, you Beckett are a certified low grade criminal...stealing a man's clothes could imply something else though, I expect that shirt back tonight."

Killian returned walking past the couch and going to the kitchen, it was sweet Walter had rearranged the room so he could actually have surfaces to make himself meals and the likes.

The first time he'd arrived he'd been more than expecting to not feel welcomed, sure it was Beckett but people could seem one way out in the world and another behind closed doors.

No, Beckett wore his heart on his sleeve and for a while he'd wanted to place his claws around it and watch that sunshine attitude leave him as he realised the world was not a little wonderland that could be made better with a hug.

Then again, it was a hug that saved him so to speak...irony.

Killian though at this point might have just gone crazy if Walter wasn't so naturally affectionate with people he trusted, why he trusted him was still beyond his understanding but here they were, living in what had always been Walters home since childhood...

Walter's natural ability to be affectionate meant he could get away with ruffling his hair, having Beckett leaning on him during a movie and just casually placing an arm around him.

Sometimes Beckett would just sit on his lap like it was completely normal and Killian had tested the boundaries by placing a chin on his shoulder and Walter had, had no reaction like this was just typical interaction...was it so typical that he just would also let him put his arms around him to and nuzzle his neck...

Then again he might have lied a little and just said he had an itchy nose when that happened.

Of course he'd have murdered anyone else who dared to sit on his lap, just because he was behaving here didnt mean he wouldn't still straight up murder someone if he thought he could get away with it.

Lance had tried sitting on his lap once as a joke, Killian recalled letting out a literal growl, he'd even been somewhat surprised at the near primal sound, Sterling of course never tried that again.

He made his morning coffee, thankful that Walter also knew not to talk too much until he'd had it.

He walked back in and found Walter ass up in the air and nearly spat his coffee, he hadn't seen it before as his shirt had been covering it, not only was wearing his shirt but his boxers to.

Beckett who had been reaching for a magazine under the side table hit his head when he heard the sharp tone in Killian's voice

"Beckett!"

Killian winced slightly, even he felt that thud.

Walter sat up holding a hand to his head

"Yes Killian?"

"Nothing, just wanted to see if I could startle you, seems like it."

He decided not to chew him out, because perhaps he liked that he was wearing them.

Killian sat in the arm chair and put a leg over the other, hiding the subtle interest that showed his body agreed with that statement.

"You're evil."

Walter pouted rubbing his head.

"Hmm perhaps but you already knew that when you let the big bad wolf into your home, little red."

Walter was about to argue but...eh fair point.

"Still mean."

"You like it Beckett or you'd have given me your puppy eyes by now."

Killian sipped his coffee and sighed contentedly, god coffee made existence just a little easier and some days he swore he'd marry whoever made it.

He sat there half watching what was on the tv, one of Walters soap opera's which he would die before admitting he actually was invested in it.

"I swear Walter, if you were bigger than a tooth pick I would steal your clothing though I might wager I could just about put that yellow jumper over my arm."

Walter looked him over and shrugged

"Wouldn't mind if you did, I have a pair of baggy Unitee pants that might fit you though they might ride up to your knees considering our height differences."

Killian's eye twitched as he grumbled

"Id sooner be dead."

Though he was never going to admit he might have been a creep one time after Walter had slept in them and done something involving his hand just because he knew Walters cock had been right there, they'd still been warm.

Killian half buried his face into his coffee mug hoping that Walters comment hadn't been one hinting that he knew what sordid thing he'd done.

"Also not my colour Beckett."

Was all he responded.

Walter shrugged and went back to his show, flicking through his magazine, Lovey was nesting in Walters hair and glaring at Killian, oh she knew, she knew what he was doing, her look though was not one that told him to stop it.

No it was one that said HURT MY BABY I'LL PECK OUT YOUR GOOD EYE.

Killian's cheeks puffed out as he exhaled, sheesh who knew a pigeon could scream murder louder than him with just a stare.

Later that night Walter showered before bed, returned the shirt back to Killian who went back to his room, the boxers placed in the basket just under a few things prior to said shower, the basket was usually left out on the landing.

After his shower and wrapped in towels Walter had been wondering something, for a while now.

He quietly looked where he'd placed the boxers he'd worn that day in the basket... Uh-huh, just as he'd expected, they were gone, he couldn't help but smirk, oh Killian thought he was being sooooo sneaky.

Heh, no, he wasn't as quiet as he thought he was either, he could hear the subtle creak in there and soft whine no doubt into a pillow... Or biting his fist, honestly if he had metal claw he'd definitely handle himself with it to.

The first time this had happened it'd been a surprise, now it was just enticing to see how long it was before Killian would break and climb into his bed and plead for him.

Oh Walter might seem naive to the world in so, so many ways but there were somethings he was not so ignorant on either, he could walk right in there and offer a helping hand but for the time being it was far more pleasurable to hear the quite whines and play pretend Killian was begging for him, on his knees a desperate man who desired to the point of pain.

After all who didn't want someone to pursue and crave them like that.

He dried off and climbed into his own bed smiling.

Especially when the feeling was apparently mutual.

(I don't tend to go deep on my stuff I guess, what you get is what you get.)

#killian x walter #Tristan x Walter #Lime #spies in disguise #Au

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genderfuck-demon · 3 years

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1 Month on T

ok so, technically im 1 month and 11 days on T bc i missed my mark and kept procrastinating on doing this thing dklfsjhg but here we are finally ok so, changes...

face:

ACNE. there is so much acne. not a whooole lot like i expected, but i do have some really annoying zits here and there and they're itchy and bleh

my eyebrows are filling in pretty nicely i think

i have no photos to compare, but i think my jaw looks a bit sharper, less roundish. i have like. a lot of baby fat on my cheeks (which is apparently due to asian genetics) which makes me look super young and i hate that bc everyone thinks im a teenage boy, so im hoping that's gonna change

my skin feels thicker? like. idk how to explain it but it just feels slightly less soft

torso & arms:

acne acne acne acne everywheeeeere pls help. ive been using a bunch of stuff to try to control it, and some of it seems to work, but for the most part, im covered in acne T-T i look like i have chicken pox. if anyone has any tips on how to deal w this, pls tell me

like i said before, my skin feels thicker. and (tw: sh mention) i have a lot of scars and now they feel a bit harder and some of them have cracked and look nasty, so im using a hydrating gel thing to try to keep them soft.

ive been working out, so im starting to see some muscle growth 💪 not a lot tho. still got a long way to go.

(TW: SH SCARS)

here's a picture of my arm flexed and unflexed:

and here's my abs so far. i have -6 pack T-T

stomach:

HUNGRY 24/7

crotch:

there's a liiittle bit of growth but not much. also it kinda hurts sometimes so that's uncomfortable

legs:

i have a bit more leg hair, but thats about it. i used to have like. none on my thighs and now i do so yay

voice:

as of now, my vocal range is Bb2-A5. iirc pre-T it was C3-A5

EMOTIONAL CHANGES:

ohhhh boyyyyyy. im HORNY all the time. im CRYING all the time. im ANGRY all the time. i have a very Fun combination of bp, bpd, and an inner hormone war going on in there fighting for dominance. Think of it like. being on your period while being pregnant and also going through menopause all at once but also like reversed. it's. all very complicated. it's all very A LOT. and like. im a person who cries quite often bc im highly sensitive, but now ive been like. crying every day. im usually dramatic, but now im over the top extra overdramatic. i asked my doctor hey wtf?? bc isn't T supposed to. yknow. do the opposite??? and he said it's fine and it's bc estrogen levels are pretty high rn bc of the ongoing hormone war. this whole emotional dysregulation should calm it's tits eventually.

okay hhhhhhhhhhhh i thiiink that's it for my 1 month changes. if i forgot anything i'll update this.

#ftm #trans #transgender #transgender man #trans man #trans men #transmasc #transitioning #hrt #hrt testosterone #testosterone #hrt changes #trainsition update #my trans updates

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remywrites5 · 4 years

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For @casualmaraudering who is having a bad day. Have some artist!Remus schmoop.

***

Remus sat with his legs crossed in the center of his art studio, an unknown streak of blue paint on his cheek. He scratched his cheek with the back of his paintbrush, unsure why it was itchy to begin with. Sticking his tongue out in concentration, he smudged his thumb over one of the lines to soften it slightly.

The sounds of a motorbike pulled his attention from his canvas just as it always did at 5:15 pm when Sirius Black returned from work. Remus glanced out the slightly ajar window, his head just barely poking over the sill from his place on the floor. Sirius was whistling what appeared to be Another One Bites the Dust as he made his way up the driveway to his front door.

Feeling inspired, Remus grabbed his phone and pulled up Spotify, letting a playlist of Queen fill the room. He lost himself back in his art for a while until what sounded like hail on his window made him jump. He found a few small pebbles by his feet and went to the window to find Sirius Black standing underneath it.

Remus put his hands up the bottom of the window and yanked it upwards. Sticking his head out, he found Sirius beaming up at him from his front yard. “Care for a walk?” Sirius asked, shoving his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket.

Remus blinked a few times in surprise. Never mind that Sirius Black was unfairly attractive but they had never spoken more then ten words to each other despite being neighbors for the past two years.

“Why?”

Sirius shrugged in response. “You coming or not?”

Remus considered for a moment and then spent another few moments wondering what the hell was wrong with him. Gorgeous blokes didn’t show up at your window every night for moonlit strolls.

“Be right down!”

Remus turned the music off on his phone and shoved it into his pocket. By the front door he crammed his feet into his sneakers before grabbing his wallet and keys. When he opened his front door, Sirius was standing on his front stoop waiting for him.

“Overalls?” Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow in amusement. “Really?”

“Shut up,” Remus said, rolling his eyes. He stepped outside and made sure his front door was locked. “They’re comfortable and I don’t care if I get paint on them.”

Sirius walked backwards down the steps in a manner so smooth Remus would have thought it had been rehearsed, however he doubted Sirius Black was practicing on Remus’ front porch. He looked up at Remus expectantly from the few steps the separated them. Remus chewed his bottom lip for a moment and then joined Sirius on the sidewalk.

“So…” Remus said, breaking the silence as they fell into step with each other.

“So,” Sirius echoed, grinning mischievously. “Hi. I’m Sirius.”

“I know that,” Remus said, playing with one of his longer curls by his temple. He really needed to get a haircut. “Is there a point to this?”

“Does there have to be?”

“Two years of pleasant greetings and suddenly you want to go for a walk.” Remus sighed and kicked as a rock. “Doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.”

Sirius turned and stepped in front of Remus, blocking his path. “Would you ever consider painting me?”

Remus managed to keep his jaw from dropping but it was a near thing. “If that sentence ends with like one of your French girls I will hit you.”

Sirius snorted. “I am actually French but we don’t have to go full nude on the first portrait.”

“Oh you imagine there will be many, do you?” Remus sidestepped Sirius and continued walking. It felt a bit like running away from the handsome man who had just offered to pose nude for him.

“Don’t you want to know why I want my portrait done?” Sirius asked, following after Remus.

“Probably so the portrait can grow old for you and you can stay youthful for the rest of time?” Remus quipped over his shoulder.

“You know,” Sirius said, catching up to Remus. “Oscar Wilde believed art showed more about the artist than the subject. What would you reveal, Remus?”

Remus swallowed thickly and picked up the pace of his walking. “I want a milkshake,” he said, changing the subject entirely. “Would you like a milkshake?”

“Remus!” Sirius called out, hurrying to keep up with him. “What’s the rush?”

Remus didn’t slow down until they’d reached the little diner on the corner. Remus sat down at the counter, as sitting in a booth across from Sirius felt too intimate. Sirius sat backwards on the rotating stool next to him, his elbows on the counter as he lounged back, his legs crossed at the ankles.

Remus ordered a chocolate milkshake for himself while Sirius got a strawberry one and a plate of chips.

“You’re a strange one, Remus,” Sirius said as they waited for their order.

“Am I?” Remus asked, pulling a napkin from the holder and beginning to doodle on it. Before he knew it he’d drawn Sirius’ mouth. He quickly sketched his eyes and nose so it wouldn’t be quite so weird. He always doodled when he was nervous.

“You know you’ve got paint on your cheek,” Sirius said, grinning that same wicked grin. Remus found himself pulling out another napkin so he could attempt to capture it. “And it hasn’t bothered you in the twenty minutes we’ve been together. Not once.”

“Shit,” Remus said, licking his palm and attempting to clean his cheek. “Hazard of the trade, unfortunately.”

“Let me,” Sirius said softly. He dipped a napkin into his glass of water and gently began to rub at Remus’ cheek. “May I tell you why I want my picture done now?”

Remus nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

“When I was little my mother had our portraits done, it was a family tradition. Your portrait went on this wall that formed a family tree. Well when I was sixteen I came out to my parents and my mother proceeded to take my portrait off the wall and throw it into the fireplace. Symbolic gesture, right?”

“Sirius –“

“Last year my brother went into rehab and guess what? His portrait also ended up in the fire. She’s got high standards, that mother of mine, and unfortunately neither of her sons quite lived up to them. He’s getting out soon and he’s going to come stay with me until he feels like he can be on his own. I thought I would start a new tree, you know? Turn a negative into a positive. Start with my portrait and then his, if you’d be up for it. Then maybe my best friend Jamie, his wife Lily and my godson Harry. New family, new life, you know?”

“Sirius,” Remus said, wrapping his fingers around Sirius’ wrist to still his hand. He didn’t know if the blue was off his face but he didn’t care. “Fuck, of course. I’d be honored.”

“Really?” Sirius asked, his smile so bright and wide it made Remus’ heart clench. “It’s not a whim, by the way, although it might seem like it to you. I’ve been trying to gather up the courage to ask you for months.”

“Why?” Remus asked, shaking his head in confusion. “I’m not exactly intimidating.” Remus gestured with his free hand to his paint splattered overalls.

Sirius huffed out a laugh and broke eye contact. It was only at that moment Remus realized they had been staring at each other quite intently. “You know when you first moved into the neighborhood I was going to make you a cobbler. It was Jamie’s mum’s recipe and I tried so hard to get it right because it reminded me of home. But it was rubbish. I went wrong somewhere, I’m not sure where but I’m not great at baking. All that measuring, bleh.”

“You were going to make me a cobbler…” Remus said, his brow furrowing in confusion. “I don’t understand.”

“I wanted you to feel at home,” Sirius said, tucking his hair behind his ear. “I wanted you to stay, I wanted…”

“Sirius?” Remus said softly, barely audible even to his own ears as his heart threatened to beat out of his chest.

“I wanted to be your home, eventually. You were so cute and fuck I’m so gay and I left it too long. It got to the point where I didn’t even know how to say hi to you without getting fucking lost in my feelings.”

Remus opened his mouth to respond but the waitress interrupted them by bringing their order. Sirius let his hand drop and quickly spun around to face the counter, his head ducked down as if embarrassed. He shoveled a handful of chips into his mouth as if he was trying to get himself to stop talking.

Remus watched him for a moment with a bemused smile on his face. Sirius Black, the unattainable gorgeous bloke that liked to cut his lawn shirtless had been…pining for Remus all this time. “So what kind of cobbler was it?”

Sirius began to choke in surprise at the question, thumping his fist against his chest. Eventually he managed to swallow, bypassing the straw to take a large gulp from his milkshake. “Blueberry.”

“Maybe you should try again,” Remus said, playing with his own straw, dipping it in and out of his milkshake.

“I did,” Sirius said grumpily. “They never came out right.”

Remus bit his lip to keep from laughing. “So there were several cobblers.”

Sirius made a funny noise in the back of his throat and then mumbled something that Remus couldn’t understand.

“What was that?”

“I said eleven!” Sirius snapped, biting a chip roughly. “I drew the line at an even dozen.”

Remus turned to the side so he could look at Sirius. He rested his cheek in his hand and just stared at him in a mix of flattered and bewildered. “You made eleven cobblers that all turned out wrong?”

Sirius shot him a look and then drained half his milkshake in one go, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “They weren’t good enough, okay? Sure they were edible but when has that ever impressed anybody? When Mrs. Potter made them they were amazing. I never quite got to amazing.”

Remus took a chip and dunked it into his milkshake before popping it into his mouth. “What did you end up doing with eleven edible cobblers?”

“I’d take them up with me whenever I visited my brother Reg,” Sirius confessed, taking a napkin and beginning to shred it with his fingers. “Do me a favor and let me wallow here for a while alone in how pathetic I am. I’ll pay for this.”

“I don’t think you’re pathetic.”

Sirius gave Remus a wary glance. “You don’t?”

“A little misguided, perhaps,” Remus said, taking a pensive sip of his milkshake. “Maybe you just need a little help, not that I’m that good at baking myself, but two heads and all that.”

Sirius stared at him in awe. “You want to come back to my place?”

“For cobbler.” Remus said sternly, poking Sirius in the chest. “Don’t get any funny ideas.”

“Of course,” Sirius said, slipping off his stool and going to the register to pay for them. Remus finished off his milkshake and went to the door to wait for Sirius. A few moments later, Sirius joined him, bounding over like an excited puppy. “Ready to be amazed?”

Remus considered it for a moment and then laced his fingers through Sirius’. His face broke out into a wide smile matching Sirius’ own. “I’m ready.”

#wolfstar #I write things #unprompted #casualmaraudering #fluff #neighbor au #oh my god they were neighbors #artist remus #long post #now I want a milkshake #sirius black x remus lupin #feel better love!

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oftherainn · 4 years

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Lamentations of a Short King [January 6, 2021]

IN PROGRESS

Rainn rests the tip of his helmet against the little crook between Aly’s neck and shoulder, keeping his arms firmly and securely around him as he feels the rush of cold January air around them as they ride through the city, probably all scenic and shit or whatever...like he really cared in the moment, a stream of breath exiting his nose like...fuck, Jesus, was he really going to let some lady he didn’t know from a rando ass store live rent free in his head? It’s Free Real Estate...the stupid meme causing an audible snort to move through him in spite of it all, even though...he feels the edge of a thought that was Unproductive and Contrary to the shit he was working on begin to creep into his headspace like devilish tendrils...along with the kinda eugh he was already feeling that day, feeling that itchy kinda...eugh in his own skin beating through his consciousness even as...taking a deep breath, focus on what You Can control...you can Control how you React to it...how you Think about it...his internal consciousness sounding less like the calming voice of his therapist and more like...Michael, for whatever reason, before the thought of Michael makes him remember what Jada said about Thee Christmas Suit (tm), the mental picture of That kinda sorta making him feel at least a little better, or at least a bit distracted, but it Worked, ha....before he hears the sound of the bike stop, moving to take the helmet off, sure he had some (not, Rainn, not) god ugly helmet hair as he...looks up at Him and like...bleh, tries to push the thought on the fringes there in the moment out like...shoo...as he...as he...he’s with You, stupid...he reminds himself as he quickly puts the caveat on the Thought that it was like...an endearing kinda stupid like...Two Halves of a Whole Idiot but like he was ??? Both the idiots ?? The whole momentary line of thought kinda deflating like a balloon in how little Sense it made in the moment before he tries to Reframe it, Reframe, yeah, that coming more clearly in Her voice, taking a kinda sorta...solace ?? in it, yeah, as he takes the original seed of a Thought and just...You’re a Good Person. If you Weren’t a Good Person, you wouldn’t be so worried about how Bad you are. And yeah, you’ve Made Mistakes, but it’s about owning them and growing and like...what’s Good Now, and like...this is good, really good, Fuck what other people say, he...internally ted talks himself or whatever...before realizing he was looking up at Aly with like...that (not) dumb little smile on his face because he was feeling that whole...warm, fluttery mmm kinda...nice shit...so gay, ha, he chides himself as he tries to not look so fucking...gay for him in the moment, kinda...hopping off all casual...like...yeah, even as a little...half smile kinda flickers up on his lips because, yeah, he was fucking gay for him, feelings, grosss, he teasingly admonishes himself even as he lets himself Feel it as he goes up on his tip toes for a kiss like the Short King he was or whatever, an internal dry snort moving through him, make Daddy (read: Blackbear, plus TMG) Proud, a few little notes of the song trilling through his thoughts as he...mmmmm, feels Good and Nice and Warm, and just...Loved, or some gay shit, what the hell ever, slowly, kinda reluctantly...finally drawing back as he moves to grab the Candy and other little treats for the fam out of the back thing that was like a trunk but not really a trunk as he moves to gesture his index finger towards альоша, damn, a (not) dumb little warmth turning over through him at the Full Government Name in his thoughts and just how...fucking cute? It was...honestly...ha, as he does his best like...Serious Face, holding his gaze like he meant Business, “Now don’t you do anything I wouldn’t Do,” he reminds, even as a little chuckle breaks through, Do not Did, very important Loophole, as Uncle G would say, before the little half smile makes its way back onto his lips like it lived there Rent Free as he takes in the Aly Smile, That One, that just like...radiated warmth and light and made him feel so fucking gay, giving him a little salute as he walks backwards a few steps, watching him leave before turning around to head into Jess’s building after putting his mask on, hoping that the whole crew was home, because he was bringing some Quality Shit, yeah, getting that little !! of like...excitement for them to open the little Holiday gifts he had worked with Aly, альоша, to put together, hoping they’d like them and it could just be a nice little token of just how damn much he appreciated them all and everything they had done for him, a little bit of...warm gratitude and appreciation flooding through him, as the little smile flickers onto his lips again as he texts Jess to let her know he was there and...yeah.

#( * rps. )#( * in progress rps. )

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bigskydreaming · 4 years

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Thank you again and still for all the help and support! I really truly can not imagine making it through the past couple days without it, considering I spent most of it awake and in the bathroom puking from the constant migraines that come with your head not being happy about its bones not being in the right place. Stress aggravates them, or at least my awareness of them, and because of how little work there is currently and how expensive being broke and disabled in LA is, let’s just say, there’s been stress, lol.

I’m feeling a bit better today, or at least I’m making myself pretend that and act like that since I’ve got another appointment at that clinic where I get my juicy and tasty IV bags of nutrients pumped into me since I barely even CAN eat, physically, which combined with the lack of sleep and the nausea, like, also not a great combination.

So, I mean it when I say your donations and support have absolutely been invaluable, everything from a couple dollars to an anonymous message, like, its all amazing and appreciated and invaluable. Yeah. I already said that, whoops, anyway, BUT I DIGRESS.

That’s about all of an update I have there, lol, so in other news, I should be around more today since like I said, I’m feeling a bit better and have possibly plateau-ed on this latest pain level. (My super-annoying superpower....ever since I was a kid I’ve been able to adapt to increases in pain like a pro. As in, being able to manage/function despite it. Course, I still feel it, but give me a day or two to adjust to a new norm in how much my body hates me currently, and then I can power through).

So, like I said, I should be around more today, and I’ll probably be random as hell. Like I’ve mentioned before, my blog is where I spew literally everything from inane thoughts to fandom feels, since its like.....my only social outlet these past couple years and the only way I get to interact with people who aren’t doctors. Expect no pattern in topics until I find whatever sticks and keeps me focused on it enough to serve as a distraction from, y’know, the broke body and broke bank account.

SO! Absolutely feel free to hit me up about anything and everything. ESPECIALLY if you’ve made a donation or sent me something. Like, I know some people who have sent money don’t even follow me or know me at all and are just generous spirits who saw my post somewhere, but for any of you who have sent any kind of support just cuz you like, like me and my rambles, lol, totally feel free to drop into my messages even on anon and say what kind of posts or content from me you really engage with and would love to see more of. I can’t make any promises or guarantees, unfortunately, given I didn’t expect or plan on crashing so hard these last couple days, bleh, and just....literally, like, writing more of the kind of stuff or posts people who have helped me stay alive is pretty much the only way I have of kinda giving at least something back, so I mean, I am happy to pounce on anything in that direction.

Again, just can’t make any guarantees given how unpredictable my life is and depending on how many people send requests or prompts or messages, etc, but I don’t delete anything of that nature and I usually get back around to stuff EVENTUALLY. For instance, I’m REALLY hoping to finish up two one-shots today, one that’s focused on Duke, Dick and Cass from that prompt you sent me a couple weeks ago, @zee-gee, and the other uh.....that umm, TW/X-Men fusion you commissioned way longer ago than my pride will allow me to admit in public @camelotpark, lol. And like, those posts you see me making to @russianspacegeckosexparty about the changelings project I talk about a lot, like.....Adam basically just sends me random thoughts and prompts about it all the time, and its like a running thread that’s easy for me to pick back up and sink into whenever I see a new one in my inbox and I’ve got enough spoons at the moment to dig in.

Also have a couple other things I want to respond to today while I have the energy and a destined-to-be-longer-than-it-needs-to-be meta about Dick’s positioning in narratives with various other characters and WHY I think it so usually works out that way, and I’m aiming to keep that more like....musing-esque than rant-errific, but uh, let’s see how that actually goes, lmfao.

Anyway, that’s what I have in mind for today, aside from my going to get my IV buffet at ten and emailing and calling people from listings about rooms to rent, but tbh, I might just end up being even more random and sporadic than usual, if I can’t focus on any of those long enough to stay sufficiently distracted today. (Like, my other annoying superpower as long-time followers have heard before, is my ridiculously fast metabolism. I know, “oh no, I’m so skinny, poor me,” but like....its never been about weight gain or loss for me, its about how fast my body processes various medications, meaning pretty much every painkiller I’ve ever tried is largely useless to me, or at most wears off in a couple hours.....whereas my ADHD meds actually provide me MORE relief from the pain than any of them. Basically, they let me actually focus on something OTHER than pain and not get interrupted/distracted by the occasional pain spike that likes to remind me its there and wants my attention......so I mean, I still feel everything that comes with my head being physically out of whack, but for the hours vyvanse is working for me, coupled with some heavy duty pain meds, I can like.....just sorta....not care about it for awhile. Like, it hasn’t gone away but its more shoved to the back of my mind at least. And all of that, I’m happy to stuff in a closet whenever I can, lol).

And that’s enough rambles for this post, I think. LOLOLOL, as if I have a quota. But yeah. Just wanted to express how much your support has meant and continues to mean, and like.....I’m still here and alive and crossing fingers that I’ll hear about an actual surgery date soon, but in the meanwhile like......I’m kinda stuck in a perpetual Limbo, one that’s largely confined to whatever is in hobbling distance from my bed of the day, and as much as donations help me physically, in remaining able to at least stay that way, just, any and all interactions on here help by keeping me engaged with the world on at least some level, and make it so I have stuff to think or talk about beyond my own situation and how I’m not a super huge fan of that.

(Okay, I shouldn’t say any and ALL interactions are appreciated, since I have my fun little runs of anon hate in my inbox, but I mean, all of the above is why they’re not really a big deal to me and never have been. Its like, dude, my own body has been trying to take me out for the past three years, and you think a few insults from an anonymous stranger are gonna do the trick? LOLOL, please. Tbh, the only real negative effect anon hate has on me is that it makes me a bit more snappish and quick to assume the worst than I’d like, when people @ me in a way that I misread as aggressive or in bad faith. I’m aware that my day-to-day temperment is a lot more irritable and open to fights than I usually like to be, as self-control is kinda a big deal to me, and my situation and stress and other shit kinda keep me constantly operating at a level best described as itchy, and none of that is an excuse for any times I read an interaction wrong and go for the throat. I just mean like.....I’m a very blunt and straight-forward person, and I do appreciate when people take a similar approach to me as it really helps keep those misreads to a minimum. Any time someone wants to engage with me in some way, I promise I am SO much easier to talk to if you just....put it out there, whatever it is. Its the games people play online (and in real life) that just frustrate the hell out of me and...yeah. Again, I’m not saying any of that as an excuse or a request for a free pass any time I fuck up an interaction or cross a line, I’m just saying, if anyone’s held back on interacting with me because they think I might snap at them or mistake it for them trying to start a fight, like......just be direct with me. Honestly, thats just....always gonna be more productive when it comes to me.)

But yeah. So that’s the current state of me and all that jazz. Again, I so appreciate everything everyone’s done to support me, not just these past couple days but over the course of these past three years as well. I notice and remember all of it, and its why even though I rant and complain and am critical about so much in society and fandoms and all that.....I really truly am a believer in the idea that there’s more good in people and the world than bad, and the bad just tends to be louder is all. It was especially loud for me the last couple days, the volume got way jacked up, but the goodwill from you guys has been more than enough to drown it out and give me some reprieve.

Alright, shutting up now. All done. The end.

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due4amiracle · 4 years

Text

Day 93

Feelin’ shitty, sleepin’ shitty, yuck everything.

Did nothing but read manhwa all day.

The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass

White Blood

and am now reading through The Twin Siblings’ New Life

You know, as you do.

i’m so exhausted and just...feel like utter dogshit. Chest is gunky. Can’t stop sneezing. Eyes are all itchy, watery, and bloodshot. i’m just...bleh. Fall is my allergy season. It sucks.

Acthar has been ordered and will arrive Friday, wont get started until next week some time - since foodstamps ya know. Don’t wanna starve.

Had a pretty raunchy headache today.

Just feel bleh. Breaking out The Big Sleeping Pills Tonight. Gods above and below i need sleep.

Food was ok, liquid was middling, pain was raunchy.

#Multiple Sclerosis #OCD #Arthritis #Spoonie #Daily #The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass #White Blood #The Twin Siblings’ New Life #manhwa #sick #exhausted #chest gunk #coughing #allergies

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

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Do you have a fan/air conditioning on right now? It’s rare that I don’t have at least one on, but during the warmer months, like now, I have three. When was the last time you sang along with a song? Which one was it? Yesterday while watching my church’s Sunday service live stream. Are you currently wearing any hair accessories? Which ones? I just have a scrunchie at the moment. Have you ever wished you had a different name? Which name would you choose? Nah, not really. Do you often press the wrong keys on the keyboard? I type fast, so it happens. My thoughts are faster than I type, so that will trip me up sometimes as well.

Have you ever customised an item of clothing? What did you do to it?I’ve painted shirts for concerts before.

When was the last time you got a splinter stuck in you? D: Hmm. I don’t recall.

Do you prefer drawing or painting? Any particular reason why? I don’t do either one, but I do like to color.

Are you saving up for anything right now? What? Nothing in particular.

Are you any good at playing pinball? I’ve never played.

Do you own any figurines? Of what? Yeah, I have two Funko Pops.

If you have any siblings, how much rivalry is between you all? There isn’t any. We playfully tease each other and joke around, and we bicker sometimes like siblings do, but there’s no rivalry or issues between us. My younger brother and I are really close, actually.

When did you last have itchy eyes? They’ve been bothering me lately. My allergies tend to act up a little more in the summer months, I think.

If forced to go camping, would you rather sleep in a tent or a caravan? Gah, if I absolutely had to choose out of the two I’d pick the caravan but I’d really rather not go camping at all.

Is it dark outside right now? Yep, it’s 5AM.

How often do you get jealous of other people? What is it usually about? I haven’t felt jealous in a really long time.

Do you prefer framed photos or just sticking photos straight onto walls? I’d frame them if I were going to put up any photos. However, I don’t even really do that. My photos are all on my phone and saved online in various places.

What’s your favourite type of cake? Funfetti, strawberry, red velvet, and white cake.

Have you ever woken up from a dream and believed it to have been real? Yeah, it’s such a trippy feeling. I’ve had to really think about certain ones because they felt so real. I’ve also had horrible dreams where I’ve woken up literally shaking and sobbing.

When was the last time you brushed your teeth? Yesterday. Don’t judge me, it’s It’s only 5AM. I’ll brush them later on today.

How tired are you right now? Pretty tired, but of course here I am at 5AM still awake.

When was the last time you had an argument with someone? What was it about? Bleh.

If there’s a bug in your room, can you sleep or do you need to get it out? Nopeee. If I know it’s there, it’s gotta go.

How long have you gone without sleep? Like, how long since the last time I slept? I’ve been up for almost 16 hours.

Can you drive yet? How good are you at it? Nope.

Do you prefer travelling alone or with people? I’d only travel with others.

Did you listen to the radio today? I haven’t listened to the radio in years.

What was the last baby animal you saw? Baby kittens in a vlogger’s video on YouTube recently.

Generally speaking, is it warmer or colder in your house than outside? Ugh, it tends to be warmer! D: Like, recently it was 70F outside, but like 86F in my house. Wtf??

When was the last time you threw up? It’s been a couple years. I get this really random wave of nausea now and then, though. I hate that feeling. Sometimes it definitely feels like I might actually get sick.

Do you give people high fives or hugs more often? I haven’t done either one at all since the pandemic, but even before that I didn’t do much of either.

Have you ever tie-dyed something? I think I did once when I was a kid.

Name something you thought was cool when you were younger but don’t now: Hmm.

How long does it usually take you to get to sleep? Well, for the past few months I haven’t even been going to bed until like 6 or 7ish and it takes times for me to fall asleep. Sometimes I don’t end up falling asleep until like an hour or so later. And I get up a few times as well. D: If it’s too hot, then it’s even worse cause I can’t sleep if I’m hot.

When did you last get a papercut? I don’t recall.

Which do you prefer: Blackboards or whiteboards? Whiteboards.

What sort of things do you have bookmarked in your internet browser? Well, my Bookmarks toolbar has Google, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, YouTube, Pinterest, and two saved PDFs.

Are / were you spoilt? Would others agree or disagree with you? You could say that. I feel like that has such a negative connotation to it; though, like a spoiled brat or something. I’m very blessed, fortunate, and appreciative of everything my parents have and continue to do for me.

What are you wearing right now? Leggings and a graphic tee, as per usual.

What was the last book you read? The Girl and the Hunt by AJ Rivers. I’m about to start, Never Walk Alone by Willow Rose.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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boundinshallows · 5 years

Note

ink, journal, and narrator please!

ink: what do you do to “set the mood” when writing?

I feel like a lot of people listen to music to set the mood, but I find that I can’t hold both lyrics and fiction words in my head at the same time. I listen to a lot of instrumental, but classical stuff that doesn’t have lyrics. (If it’s an instrumental version of a song, I end up just supplying the words anyway, bleh).

Usually I put on Ludovico Einaudi on Spotify and just go for it. If there’s a particular emotion in the track that matches the fic I’m writing then I tend to just put it on repeat for the duration of the writing session. Elements is one that really matches the intensity of one fic I’ve been working on for ages. It has a sort of frantic heart beating feel to it. (Maybe that’s just me; if you listen, let me know lol).

(P.S.: listen to this again as I write this ask out, and this track is so damn intense it makes me itchy idk)

journal: do you ever write just so you can enjoy something to read?

Most of what I write! I love hearing what people would be interested in reading, of course. I like writing for people in that sense, and less so in the gift exchange sense.

There are some things that I know will be more well received / widely read than other things. Like, I’m under no illusion that my May/Tommy/Alfie is going to make it on anyone’s PB greatest hits list lolol. But *I* need it, so you know. If others enjoy it along the way, then great. I feel the same about my girl!Tommy/Alfie ‘verse.

(There’s also just some things that I want to read desperately but don’t want to write).

narrator: what pov do you like writing in best?

It depends! Alfie is one of my favorites because I feel like there’s a very clear speech pattern with him. Like I know *how* to write Alfie to some extent (whether it’s effective or not is another question entirely) in ways that I just don’t other characters? I wish transcripts of the show were available somewhere because that would make getting the speech patterns a lot simpler. (I only have so much patience for rewatching scenes to pick up on speech patterns for writing). I also think I put a little of myself into Alfie in ways that I don’t necessarily for other characters.

That being said, sometimes Alfie can be exhausting to write because everything is so meandering. (Right now I feel like I’m putting off writing chapter three of permutations because idk if I have an Alfie POV in me).

#asks

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wanderlustac · 5 years

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studyblr introduction

hi guys!! my name is bri and i’m (finally) getting around to starting a studyblr!

about me:

i’m 21 years old

they/them pronouns

i am a part time student, full time security officer in a hospital

i’m a computer science major with a concentration in software engineering

i want to travel (my wanderlust has been really bad and itchy lately, go me for not buying a plane ticket on thursday!)

i currently reside in the united states

i actually already have an associates degree in medical specialties, and i’m a certified medical assistant, but i don’t feel as passionately about medicine as i used to (hence my drastic major change)

i’m a ravenclaw

what i like:

i love tech/computers (obv)

i love to write (i wanna write a book someday)

hopefully very soon i’ll be starting to travel, saving up money and going on different trips across the US and world!

i love music!! my fave genre is alt/punk/rock but i always love new recommendations! if anyone has any, throw them at me!

i wanna get back into reading as well. i used to love to read, but now it’s like... bleh.

what i will be posting:

notes!! i am an online student, currently with one class every eight weeks due to finances, but i am hoping to get back into the routine of notes/studying!

study plans!! i suck at making study plans and sticking to them, so this is a thing

my travel plans/pictures/etc! once i get to that point, i’d love to make this kind of a scrapbook type thing as well??

i am wanting to learn some foreign languages (specifically french, italian, korean, japanese, spanish and swedish), so maybe i can start posting some of that stuff when i get started??

daily study stuff!! i wanna start studying every day, but my first class of my bachelors is over tomorrow (sunday) and my next class doesn’t start until september 2nd, so that’ll be a little ways out but i may start the language studies too!

a bullet journal! i’m not the most creative person, but i’ve always wanted to try a bujo so maybe that too

maybe books i’m reading/reviews if anyone is interested??

100 days of productivity??

if anyone has any questions, let me know! i’m excited to be on here finally!!

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thewiseworm · 6 years

Text

Not Hair, but a Heart of Gold

Chapter 1: Love at First Steal

Summary: Roman lives a life freedom. He cares about no one other than himself, with an exception of one, sort of. He dances his way across the rooftops of the nearby cities and paints himself into the history books by stealing anything and everything he wants.

Roman’s content with that.

At least until he meets Patton. Patton with his bright blue eyes. Patton with his innocence and adorable giggle.

Patton who’s never left his father’s tower.

Word count: 5561

Pairings: Royality, Analogical, Platonic Logince, Platonic Moxiety

Tags: Language, Emotional Abuse (brief)

Notes: Project number 2!! Of who knows how many! Chapter one of this glorious adventure and gaaaaah I am e x c i t e for this one gays!! I’ve wanted to do this one for a while and now we’re finally starting it aaaaaaaa -Soc

Yeesssss!! I'm super excited and hype!! It's been one of our favorite ideas and I'm so happy we get to explore it and share it with y'all! -Puma

Read on AO3

Roman gripped the windowsill with both hands. The foothold he used took his weight easily, worn down by his repeated use of it. Perhaps it was time to switch up which rooftop they met on, but really Roman had grown attached to this one. It had pizzazz. The whole city was visible, from the towering mansion at one end, to the capitol building and the mayor’s house at the other.

Roman let go with one hand, swinging out to look down at the glittering lights below him. He trusted his harness to catch him if anything went wrong. The view was to die for anyways. He tilted his head back. The evening wind ruffled his bangs.

Each building was a star all on its own. One that Roman was free to plunder as he chose. A grin stretched across his face. Suspended above the world always left him feeling like a king, a prince, a god. Endless freedom stretched out below him, and adventure was a simple kick of his leg away. If it weren’t for his… “standing appointment,” for the night Roman would be flying.

He rolled his eyes at the reminder of the detective probably already waiting for him above.

He reached up once more, hauling himself up even further. Roman pressed a button on his rope harness and with a click, he rushed past the last ten floors to the rooftop. Logan’s glasses glinted like sapphires and he would know! He stole more than enough of them in his line of work. Roman hauled himself over the edge and back onto solid ground.

Roman didn’t click himself out of the harness just yet. He preferred to take the quick exit down if he needed to. Logan leaned over the railing, his dark trench coat fluttering in the cold wind as he appreciated the view. Roman leaned back against the railing next to Logan.

“Hey there, old friend,” Roman drawled as his archenemy adjusted his glasses, “Come on, don’t sulk. I won fair and square.”

“You won nothing,” Logan replied. Roman smirked, careful to not let his eyes drop to the gun surely hanging at Logan’s waist. “You stole plenty.”

“But you got another commendation for catching that drug ring,” Roman all but purred. He was the cat that got the cream after all. Or more accurately the cat that got several thousands worth in illegal jewelry and smuggled art, but who was counting? “I told you that shop had been a front.”

“You also used the raid as cover in order to steal everything!”

“I left you the drugs! And the evidence! Plus you have no proof it was me!” Roman protested. He perched on the railing as Logan glared at him. A reminder that all Roman had to do was lean back to disappear back into the night. That, and because the precarious feeling of almost falling left a pleasant swoop in Roman’s stomach.

Logan sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose. Roman grinned. Maybe he’d pick a better target next time. Someone more visible.

“Admit it, Sherlock,” Roman teased, “You’d be bored without me.”

“I’d have an easier job without you,” Logan shot back dryly. “You raise the crime statistic in every city that you go to, impossibly, more than a few points. It’s almost like chaos and crime follow you, Moriarty.”

Roman preened.

“It does, doesn’t it?” Roman laughed. He threw his head back, the sound echoing across the rooftops. “Not that it matters, any crime that I might or might not bring along gets squashed by you. Just a bunch of little bugs that go squish. Around and around we go, when we’ll stop nobody knows!”

He threw his hands in the air. He tilted back for a precarious moment, dangling between falling back and stay where he was. His grin grew as he watched Logan’s hands twitch towards him before Logan shoved them in his pockets. And Logan claimed he didn’t care.

“We’ll stop once you’re behind bars,” Logan said simply. A confidence in his ability that sent shivers down Roman’s spine. “You can’t keep this up, and when you slip up I’ll be there. No one can run from justice forever. Not someone who can’t help but hurt others like you.”

“Bah!” Roman stuck his tongue out at Logan, “The people you claim I steal from aren’t in need of the reportedly stolen items. I mean, who needs that many jewels just sitting in a bank? No one that’s who.”

“And the people who work at the banks?” Logan raised an eyebrow, and Roman waved him off.

“Anyone working at a bank must be evil. I mean it’s a bank Dear Stalker, a bank! No one except the most shriveled of souls would work for a bank!”

“Now that’s a generalization,” Logan said. His eyes drifted down towards one of the buildings below them, and not for the first time Roman considered asking Logan to join him. To have someone else join him on the roofs and alleyways. Logan’s bright eyes looking over blueprints and a voice other than the music he put on filling the room.

“I’d hate to know what you think about the police,” Logan remarked, reaching up to adjust his glasses. Roman nudged him with his foot, ignoring the nasty look Logan sent to him in return.

“What I think,” Roman said grandly, “is that somewhere in the world there has to be an exception for everything, and if anyone had to be a good man and a good detective then you pull the look off rather well.”

Logan shifted uncomfortably, eyes cutting away from him. Roman frowned. He nudged Logan with his foot again. Logan shoved gently at it.

Roman turned around to face the city skyline. He knew the twinkle of the lights far below was the closest Logan would ever get to stargazing out here. Light pollution, bleh. The wind whistled in the silence between them. Roman glanced at Logan, his soft frown lit up by the golden lights below.

That little crease of worry between his eyebrows made Roman’s skin itchy. He needed to take Logan’s mind off whatever he was thinking. It was a travesty if Logan wasn’t worried about Roman for even a second!

Roman looked over the city again and smirked as his eyes drew to the mansion on the west side. Well, well, nothing screams like “steal me!” like a good ol’ fashioned mansion. Art, jewelry, and most likely some blood money involved.

And a new case for Logan to chase him on. Perfect! Roman shoved Logan’s shoulder for attention until the detective turned to glare at him. Whatever! He could brood on his own time, not Roman’s.

“So, what’s that lovely mansion over there?” Roman said as he thumbed over to it, “I don’t know this city as well you do, Mr. Wikipedia.”

Logan rolled his eyes, “Learning about a city’s history and political atmosphere is exactly why I’m the best detective in the tri-state area. And you need to crack open a book or two instead of stealing them.”

“Tri-state area? Who even says that?” Roman ribbed, smirking at Logan’s red blush of embarrassment, “Plus, you haven’t answered my question. Tell me, tell me, tell me!”

“That.” Logan pointed with a growl, “is Mr. Janius’ mansion. And you can see the infamous tower right next to it.”

“Tower of what?”

“It mainly holds art, artifacts, and it’s also a tourist location because it operates as a museum during the week.” Logan tapped his chin as his look became distant, “I would like to visit it myself but the ticket prices are abysmal. I get paid well but not that well.”

Roman hummed, “Art, you say?”

Logan froze, “No. You cannot be considering to steal from Mr. Janius of all people. The man isn’t like your usual drug dealer, I’m afraid.”

“He’s a man like you said yourself!” Roman leaned in, his breaths puffing in the biting air, “A few smokescreens and some good music, then bam! Moriarty strikes again.” Then quieter as Roman looked away, “And here I thought I’m just as talented as you are, dare I say, best in the tri-state area?’

Logan didn’t laugh or even do that little smirk, instead, the crease between his eyebrows folded deeper, “Don’t do it, you fool. I prefer to be the one to put you behind bars instead of six feet of dirt.”

“Ha!” Roman barked, his amusement trailing off as Logan stared steadily at him. He ignored the unease that skittered down his spine. “Oh come on, Nick Cause-Me-Fury, this is just another tactic to scare me off. You of all people should know by now that something as simple as fear won’t hold me back.”

“Roman!” Logan shouted. Roman startled, and then sucked in a breath as he overbalanced. Damn, he hadn’t wanted end tonight’s conversation quite yet. He reached for his harness, bracing for the drop when a hand clamped around his arm. Roman squawked as he toppled backward instead of forwards.

He threw his hands back, twisting out of Logan’s hold. His palms hit the pavement and he flipped backward. His feet landed with a jarring thump, lacking his usual grace as his heart pounded. He crouched, eyes locked onto Logan.

Logan took a step forward. Roman took a step back.

“You imbecile,” Logan hissed.

“Well that’s just rude,” Roman shot back, “You know that I am perfectly capable of handling a fall like that-”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it!” Logan took another step forward, and this time Roman stayed where he was. Logan gripped his arm and shook it, something wild in his eyes, “Roman you have to promise me. Whatever you do, whoever you decide from steal from. It cannot be Mr. Janius.”

Roman reached out. He wrapped his fingers around Logan’s trembling ones and pulled the other man close. Roman stood on his toes so he could hook his chin over Logan’s shoulder as Logan buried his face in his neck. He dug his fingers into Logan’s back, entertaining the thought of climbing up Logan’s body to try and wring a smile out of the other man.

Logan’s breath hitched, and Roman changed his mind. Logan held him tighter than the harness around his body could ever do. Roman’s smirk disappeared and instead buried his face into Logan’s shoulder.

“I promise I’ll be careful,” Roman said softly. He didn’t promise not to, something he was sure Logan would pick up on once he had calmed down. For now, this had to be enough. Logan was a friend, but he wasn’t the one that Roman would settle down for. Roman didn’t know if he’d ever meet someone who would make him want to stop.

Roman pecked a kiss on Logan’s cheek as he pulled away. Logan groaned and wiped it away with as much drama as possible. Roman smirked as he sauntered back to the railing and clicked himself back onto the rope.

“See you next time, Detective Crofters,” Roman winked as he stood on the other side of the railing, “Don’t worry about little ol’ me.”

“Roman--”

He fell before he could hear the rest of Logan’s lecture. Down, down, the wind howled as he dived past floors and offices. His laughter swept up in the wind as he freefell from the skyscraper. The building had nearly a hundred floors and yet it wasn’t the tallest one around. Then an audible click broke his peace.

Roman slowed to a stop as the ground approached to meet him. He dangled in his harness next to an innocuous window left open. Some office of a pencil pusher on the tenth floor. Roman swung towards the opening and landed inside. He clicked himself out of the harness and then tugged firmly down on the rope.

A few moments later, the rope went lax and fell with a graceful thump against the building. Roman didn’t worry about anyone witnessing his little escapade since no one was awake at three in the morning. He needed to be out and gone in under five minutes. The exact time it would take Logan to walk to the elevator and get back to the lobby. And his hunt would begin again.

Roman wouldn’t let himself be caught so easily! He made quick work of shoving the rope into his bag. He threw on a giant green coat to cover his clothes and harness and shoved on a hat. He walked out of the office, the security cameras set to be wiped in two minutes, and opened the stairwell instead of the elevators next to it.

He ran down the stairs until he arrived at the lobby. The elevators here were marbled and shone despite the dreariness of the first ten floors reserved for the plebians. Roman went through the security with a stolen pass card and a wave at ‘Steve’. Oh, how easily everyone trusted strangers the minute they said their name.

Roman smirked as he heard the elevator ding far behind him just as he walked through the large double doors. Logan, Logan, always too late. He heard a shout and then bolted. He bit back cackles as he dove around the corner, leaving Logan behind.

Always, always leaving everything behind.

Roman grinned to himself and he ducked towards where the crowds would be at this time of night and hummed to himself. A fun, successful meeting with Logan and a moment where he felt like he could fly. His grin widened.

And a whole new heist to plan.

Ok, so Logan wasn’t entirely wrong, Roman would admit as he stared down at the mansion below him. The security measures were absolutely insane. Roman took out his phone to glance at the blueprints one last time. Lasers, fingerprints, pressure plates, the works. Roman ran a hand through his hair as he ran through his heist plan again.

“It’ll work,” Roman muttered to himself, “Six weeks of planning can’t go down the drain so quickly. You’re the best thief ever, so act like it!”

Roman put the phone back in his supply bag. Even the minute radioactivity from his phone would set off an alarm. Whoever Mr. Janius was, he was one paranoid cockroach of a man. Roman adjusted his black beanie and pulled on his leather gloves. Sometimes he wished he wore more colorful heist clothing but then he wouldn’t be the best thief out there.

The thing was- despite the fact that Mr. Janius had security that looked almost like he was trying to keep someone in as much as others out- there was one hole in the whole mess. According to the blueprints that Roman had managed to acquire, the room at the very top of the tower was kept empty.

Strange, for someone so prepared, but if he was going to give Roman a way to waltz right in, Roman wasn’t going to complain.

Roman adjusted his beanie one last time and narrowed his eyes at the mansion. The roof of the building he stood on lined up with the tower even if it only reached a fraction of the height. Which meant that he could reach into his bag and use the grappling hook that he had brought and line it up at the tower.

The moonlight shone overhead, giving off just enough light that Roman could eyeball where he needed to aim for. The pressure plates and motion detectors only ran up so far Roman had found. At least that’s what he suspected, from his weeks of casing the joint.

Logan had also been right about how ridiculous those ticket prices were.

If he aimed high enough he could set up a zip line between his current position and the tower.

The power behind the shot and the length of the rope were longer than normal, but considering that Mr. Janius was apparently paranoid enough to have a certain distance between his mansion and the rest of the city, it was needed. The light of the mansion shadowed the side of the tower that he stared at. The wind blew through his hair and Roman corrected his aim to account for it.

The crossbow in his hand clicked as he fired. The hook whistled, and Roman took a moment to appreciate the time and money he had spent to find a rope that would blend into the night sky. He stayed as still as possible so that he wouldn’t throw off the flight of the grappling hook.

The hook and his grin clicked into place. He tugged on the rope, checking to make sure that it was truly secure. His heart raced as he planted his feet. His gloves slide across the rope, and Roman couldn’t help the wildness that slipped into his expression.

He lived for moments like these.

The adrenaline raced through his veins. The high of breaking the law; the absolute freedom in doing whatever the hell he wanted. The ability to overcome any challenge that stood in his way. There wasn’t anything Roman would choose over it. Not even the friendship Logan offered would stop him. There was just no way it could stand up to the feeling of flight and adventure of Roman’s lifestyle.

He let his crossbow drop and anchored his end of the rope to the rooftop. His hands were steady as he reached for the pulleys he needed to attach. Roman clicked them on and pulled on them. He’d rather not fall from a measly eighteen-floor height when he’d scaled far higher skyscrapers than that. Roman smirked as he craned to look upwards.

Getting the blueprints? A few dates with one of Mr. Janius’ employees (wonderful guy in bed!), some death threats, and some delicious photographs to keep as souvenirs. Or to release to the press, he didn’t mind either way, although it would be a shame that people wouldn’t see his face. The camera loved him!

Roman clicked himself to the rope attached to the pulley and held the handlebars until his gloves creaked with the strain. Now, the building he stood on top of? Nigh impossible! Employees around the clock and security cameras off the top of the line. He had to call in a few favors to break into it. Fortunately, this building had art pieces of its own and his good friends (read: hackers) believed it was the very thing he chased after. Even if he wasn’t entirely happy about forking over a significant amount of his money for it.

At least Logan didn’t charge him anything! A better friend than they could ever be. Roman took in a breath as his finger hovered on the button to take him up. Nerves twisted and flopped in his stomach. Oh, Logan would kill him if he knew about this.

Roman didn’t realize how hard it was to plan a second heist to throw Logan off his trail. Some building downtown with enough jewelry to choke a dragon. A few ‘forgotten’ blueprints were more than enough to send the detective on the case. One thing Logan had gotten right, the heist was tonight, but he didn’t know where.

Once Logan got his fair share of breaking a sex trafficking ring in the building’s basement, and with no stolen jewelry. The jig would be up. Roman swallowed, he could just say he was sick? And skipped out on his own heist? Roman shook his head, he couldn’t worry about Logan now, not when he could taste victory so close.

Roman muttered a brief prayer and turned the pulley on. The pulley whirled, a quiet hum in the dead of night, and the wind whistled through Roman’s hair. He slid smoothly up the line, flying over the well-kept grounds. Roman dangled from his harness as it came to a stop inches from the tower. Only a few floors from the balcony above. The only flaw in the tower’s grand design.

Roman grinned, “If you could only see me now, brainiac.”

He reached out, planting his hands on the brick walls. Light from a window shone from his left. He couldn’t quite make out the best places for handholds on his climb but he wasn’t known as the best for nothing. His feet scrambled against the wall before he managed to wedge them into a hole.

He let out a careful breath and reached for his harness. He wouldn’t unclip himself all the way, not when there was a slim chance he could fall, but he would let out the slack on the line. He froze at the high whine that pierced the silence.

The golden glow of the window flashed into a harsh red. Roman flinched, his heart jumping to his throat. An alarm? Which one had he set off?! He shook himself. That didn’t matter now. He needed to get out of there.

He leaned back to kick off the wall but paused as he caught sight of the balcony above him.

It would be smartest to cut his losses now. Security was a bitch and Logan would tear him apart to shreds for this attempt. He wouldn’t get another one. His hand hovered over the pulley, and in a swift decisive move, he unclipped his harness. He clawed at his chest to take it off and tried not to think about the way his body swung over the drop. The fingers of his hand still clinging to the wall ached from the pull of his weight.

Roman sucked in a deep breath and threw his whole back into the force of his swing. The alarm echoed through his ears as glass shattered and his harness went flying through the window. He cursed the loss of his gear, but he was so close. His gloves would keep from fingerprints being found on them, and it wasn’t like anyone other than Logan would identify it as his on sight.

Homemade gear made him so much harder to track after all.

He used the momentum of his swing to reach for the next weak point in the wall. He breathed heavily as he climbed, moving as fast as he dared. His feet scraped against the wall as he struggled to find places to put them, simply pressing them against the brick to propel himself up higher half the time.

Shouts drifted from the window he had broken, and Roman couldn’t help the grin that crossed his face. Let them try and catch him now! They’d think he was on that floor and Roman would be free to reach his blind spot.

His hand clamped around the balcony railing, and he swung himself upwards. He flipped over the edge and took a moment to simply breathe. The solid ground against his feet was a relief he’d never voice aloud. His eyes scanned the area for dangers, a crease growing between them as he caught sight of a set of paints simply laying out.

Roman suck in a sharp breath at the curtains on the glass covered door and cursed.

Had he gotten the room wrong? Impossible, the blueprints he had stolen were dated for only a few months ago. There was no way they had time to renovate to this extent.

Roman inched forward, stepping over the half-finished canvas on the ground. A studio of some sort then. A guest room? Roman slid the glass door open. He pulled back the curtains. His breath caught as his eyes met the deepest shade of blue he had ever seen.

Roman fell in love instantly.

Oh, such gorgeous freckles! Soft brown curls framing his rapidly paling face. Roman took another step inside. It appeared to be the man’s bedroom with the bed in one corner and a closet on the other. He looked around and whistled. He’s never seen a bedroom look straight out of a fancy magazine before. Damn.

Roman winced as he heard the distant alarms from far below. Well, enough of that! He turned around to click the glass doors shut. The sound cut off. Thank god, he hated that shrill pitch that made him want to claw his own ears off. Roman took a breath and put his best charming and dazzling smile. Time to impress the love of his life!

Roman turned around and yelped at the man standing right next to him.

“Well hello there, gorgeous,” Roman smirked as the man reddened, “I came in through the window, dreadful etiquette I know!”

The man blinked.

“You know, like from Heathers?” Roman said, then sighed at the blank expression, “Never mind that! I simply have to know your name! Please?” The man fidgeted but didn’t stop his wide-eyed stare at Roman, “Oh, how rude of me, my name is Roman! There, now you know.”

“...Patton,” Patton whispered.

Roman’s eyes sparkled at Patton’s adorably low voice, “My god, Patton, you’re the most handsome man I ever met! Although I wished we met in better circumstances.”

“You came in through my window,” Patton said, his voice wobbled with fear, “Ho-how did you get here?”

Roman winced, “Yeah about that. I admit it’s not the most romantic of meetings, or maybe it is? No, wait it’s romantic later on in a relationship. My apologies.”

He swept into a dramatic bow, trying to resist the urge to pull his beanie off for effect. He glanced up at Patton and blinked. The surprise on Patton’s face felt off, and Roman racked his brain for what could have caused it now. He straightened from the bow and shifted awkwardly.

He chuckled and scratched the back of his neck.

“Perhaps I should come back later? What time works best for you? Please don’t say neve-”

Roman’s mouth slammed shut at the sound of footsteps approaching the room.

“Fuck,” he cursed, spinning on his heel back towards the balcony. If he hurried, he could still make it in time to climb somewhere he wouldn’t be caught. If he got caught he couldn’t be able to visit Patton again! His heart stopped as a hand clamped around his wrist and dragged him in a different direction.

“What the hell?” he yelped as Patton shoved him towards the closet.

Roman blinked as found himself surrounded by some of the nicest clothes he had ever seen. Silk brushed against his arms as Patton’s lips pursed. Patton lifted a hand to his lips, and Roman bit back a squeal at how adorable the sight was.

“Stay quiet!” Patton whispered forcefully. “Stay here and-”

He cut off and slammed the door shut, leaving Roman to flinch back from the sudden darkness. He held his breath as Patton’s footsteps retreated, mixing with the creak of the door opening. His heart pounded in his ears. He shifted forward, wincing as two of the hangers around him clinked together.

“Father!” Patton cried out, and Roman’s eyes widened.

“My dear Patton,” an oily voice replied, wait that couldn’t be-- “Someone tried to get into my tower. Have you seen anyone?’

Roman researched Mr. Janius, as par the course when planning heists, and he had listened to the many interviews of the man. Knew his voice, his face, it had to be him! Oh fuck, if Patton gave him up, he was so dead. Logan wouldn’t even be able to identify his remains. Something rustled as Mr. Janius stalked around the room.

“No, Father.” Patton said.

Roman didn’t dare to breathe. He froze as a shadow darkened the thin line of light between the closet doors. The handle rattled as Roman wrote up his own eulogy. One of his few regrets would have to be that he didn’t take Patton out on a date. Even if his father had more cruelty in a pinky than the whole of the top ten in the FBI’s most wanted list.

“Will you be staying even if you don’t find them?” Patton blurted out, and the rattling of the handle paused. Silence hung for a heartbeat. Roman couldn’t breathe. “You haven’t visited in so long and I-”

“Patton,” Mr. Janius cut him off. “Do I look like I have time for that? You may not be smart but I would have hoped that you know now of all times is not for silly questions. This thief could be after you, or our artworks.”

Roman inched closer to the closet doors, wanting to be ready to run if Mr. Janius did throw them open. He’d only have one shot. He peered through the crack in the door. He caught a quick glimpse of Patton fiddling with the cardigan around his shoulders before Mr. Janius’ back blocked his view.

“...you’re right of course Father,” Patton murmured, “I’m sorry. I just-”

Patton fell silent once more. Janius took a step forward and Roman breathed as the man left the closet behind. He had a chance now. Logan wouldn’t have to be mailed his will. Yes!

“You just thought you knew better than me,” Mr. Janius said softly. He sighed. “You know better than that Patton. All I want is to keep you safe.” Roman peeked through the crack again to see Mr. Janius rub Patton’s cheek tenderly with a thumb, “Is that so awful?”

Patton’s eyes flickered away, “No, Father. I’ll see you on Friday, then?”

Mr. Janius ruffled Patton’s hair, “Of course, love.”

Mr. Janius left with nothing more than a loud click. He locked the door behind him. Roman shuddered out a breath as he sat in the closet. He didn’t want to know what sort of wrath he’d evoke from a papa bear like Mr. Janius if he knew what sort of thoughts he had about Patton already. The closet doors swung open and his breath died, such beauty stupefied him. Roman couldn’t help it!

“Wow…” Roman breathed, “You’re positively sublime, do you have me bewitched or something? Cause I’m under your spell. Or I could be under you?”

“What?” Patton said, tilting his head, then shook away his confusion, “Father left, but I don’t know when he’ll be back. You have to leave as soon as you can.”

Roman’s heart shattered to the floor as he realized Patton was simply too innocent to catch his insinuations, “Thank you, no really, I do appreciate it.”

Roman stepped out of the closet and stretched until his bones popped. Patton’s eyes flickered between the door and him. Roman felt like a teenager again, sneaking into some strange boy’s room, and avoiding the parents’ in the process. He bent down and picked up Patton’s hand and kissed his knuckles.

“If there’s anything I can show my gratitude..” Roman whispered as he looked up at Patton’s solid red blush, “I’d be more than welcome to do it.”

“A-ah, well, I guess,” Patton stuttered as Roman winked, “I do get pretty lonely. Maybe you can come visit me?”

Roman stood up with a smirk, “Of course, it would be my greatest pleasure. When may I expect to see you again?”

Patton twined his fingers through Roman’s as he looked up with a shy smile, “How about same time next week?”

“I’d be honored.” Roman agreed with a giddy grin. He hadn’t stolen any art, but perhaps, he had been given the chance to steal something worth even more than that. He squeezed Patton’s hand gently before disentangling himself. He let his fingers drag across Patton’s palm. “Next week then, dearest Patton.”

He paused at the door. Wait. Roman felt his face flush in embarrassment. He had no idea of how he was going to get down. He hesitated, not wanting to ruin his perfect exit. He wanted to win Patton over after all! Roman opened the glass doors with a flourish and gently stepped across the balcony to lean over the edge. He couldn’t jump down.

Not unless he wanted to die.

And he rather had taken Patton on a date before dying. Then he lived his life to the fullest. Other heists be damned. Roman calculated the distance down, if he only got closer, then he would have lesser chances of dying.

He could climb down but he didn’t know if he could do it again. His fingers still stung from the strain on the way up. And he rather not overstay his welcome like some uncivilized guest.

“Do...do you need help?” Patton asked as Roman whirled around, “I don’t know how you got here, but I can try?”

Roman’s chest warmed with fuzzy feelings, “I hate to ask anything of you, but I may need your bedsheets. Unfortunately not to sleep on them.”

Patton scrunched his cute high brow nose from the doorway, “Then what for?”

Roman held his breath as he swung from the end of the bedsheets. He didn’t know how long they would hold but they brought him close enough that he could jump for the remains of his zip-line. He closed his eyes and pictured Patton’s bright eyes, his adorable cheeks, the softness of his palms.

It would only be a week until Roman was him again, but what a painful week it would be.

Love felt just like holding a stolen jewel in his hands.

Roman opened his eyes again. He needed to get ready. Patton deserved only the best and Roman would need all the time he could get to prepare for that. He took a deep breath-

and jumped.

#sanders sides #royality #sanders sides fic #patton sanders #roman sanders #ts deceit #not a hair but a heart of gold #logan sanders #sanders sides au

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