#BUT FOR REAL BOOK 3 IS NUTS

[jayceart]

Book 3 was so wild everyone was having such a bad day and then they're just-

[shoeistars]

— NO PHOTOS ! pt. 1

༺ feat. isagi, bachira, chigiri, kunigami, nagi

༺ outline. where the boys keep their slutty polas of you <3

༺ w. pro!players, 18+ content, minors dni, photos/polas, fem!reader, read at your own discretion as I don’t do individual tagging for element of surprise <3

༺ pt. 2 (reo, barou, rin, sae, shidou)

— ISAGI ! on the back of his phone

Oh, he’s obsessed with this one polaroid you let him take, his cock slotted between your pretty tits. Your nails sparkled in the photo due to the flash, acrylics all shiny as you held your breasts together to keep him nice and snug

That night was one where he had earned himself a big win, the celebration you gave him was timeless. Your face was all sticky, smeared in pearly cum and runny spit, little bubbles all around the corner of your mouth

Clear case and all, everyone can get a good look at his favorite girl, see just how much of a cockslut she was with a fat dick between her tits and a pearly smile on her face

— BACHIRA ! shoebox

As deranged as Bachira is, he likes to keep you for his eyes only. That being said, the Nike shoebox that’s stored under his bed is full of filth, softcore porn, downright sin

Pictures of your leaking cunt just pumping cream all over the base of his thick cock, pictures of your fucked out face all flushed and dazed. Constant memories that he happens to keep ahold of for lonely nights

There’s enough to nearly fill up the big black box that once held his soccer cleats, so full that the lid can’t even fit on properly to do its job. It’s a tradition for him to snap a shot of you when he’s got you cockdrunk, after all

— CHIGIRI ! trendy altoids wallet box

Did we expect anything else from our artsy princess? He follows trends and those metal altoid mint boxes aren’t an exception, he carries it around with him at all times, decorated to perfection

He’s got tons of miscellaneous shit in there, ranging from a mini bottle of fragrance, a roll of tums, a fortune slip from the fortune cookies the two of you got at the local chinese restaurant in your area

Oh, but his favorite item is taped at the top of the box, sealed in place with a hello kitty sticker. A polaroid of you with his cock down your throat, taking it so deep that you can see the outline in your esophagus. He just so happens to be pressing a palm flat against, Chigiri was real proud of you that night

— KUNIGAMI ! scrapbook

A man of class, really. He’d hate to see all of those precious photos of his princess getting damaged or scratched, his best bet was getting a plain book to store each pola in their own plastic slots

They’re even organized, ranging from you sucking his cock, to your back turned to him as he’s plowing your guts from behind, to you on your knees with glossy nut covering every goddamn inch of your body

It’s his prized possession, stuffed in his bookshelf next to all of his old soccer books and manga. A good flip through is enough to make him chub up in his joggers

— NAGI ! playstation

That playstation was damn expensive, he’d be a fucking fool to not add a breathtaking picture of you bouncing on his dick like it’s your lifeline. It’s taped with washi tape, front and center for him to look at anytime he’s within reach of his console

You’re purely glowing in the photo, the sheen of sweat he got you worked up in making your skin glisten like a goddess. The flash managed to catch the details of his veined up arm as he wrapped a huge hand around your throat

He’s obsessed with the expression on your face too, brows furrowed and jaw slacked with a fat glob of spit dripping past your lips like a hungry dog. His girl was a whore for big dick, a fact that made him smirk lazily when it crossed his mind

[totisviribus]

My kind, innocent, logic-brained engineer boyfriend: “How’s your writing for your book coming along today?”

Me, cursing at the imaginary people in my head who are currently wrestling in a coat closet instead of solving the mystery, meanwhile my laptop is at 10% battery with 10 tabs open about the structural integrity of a parking garage in Boston, what it feels like to be elbowed in the nuts, Regan’s economic theories, and a Reddit post about why the teacup grip is bad when firing a gun. I haven’t seen the sun in 3 days and if I stop listening to one of my painstakingly curated playlists I might die. I’ve written a handbook for a cultish organized crime company and often have to refer to it like a real handbook because I forgot what I’ve written. The coat closet scene is now 3,000 words and these goddamn characters just need to trust each other for Christ sake-

“Its going great thanks for asking honey🤗💕✨”

[dduane]

Peter Mum's Soda Bread Recipe

With work around here the way it is at the moment, most likely EuropeanCuisines.com won't be up again until the end of the year. (shrug) Such is life.

With that in mind, here per @the-book-of-night-with-moon 's request is the famous soda bread recipe that brought people to the site again and again for a couple of decades. If the recipe below seems very plain, that's because the way soda bread is done in North America and elsewhere in the world is not how everyday soda bread's made in Ireland. No fruit, no sugar—except for an optional spoonful if the baker likes it: I omit it—no nuts or other similar addenda: nothing but flour, salt, soda and (ideally) buttermilk. (Breads here that do have fruit and whatnot are referred to as "tea breads" or "fruit soda".)

The ingredients:

450 g / 1 lb / approximately 3 1/4 cups flour (either cake flour or all-purpose)

Optional: 1 teaspoon sugar

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda

Between 300-350 ml / approx 10-12 fluid ounces buttermilk, sour / soured milk, or plain ("sweet") milk, to mix

If you're using plain milk, add 1 teaspoon of baking powder to the dry ingredients. This is perfectly legit; lots of professional bakers in Ireland do their soda bread this way, without the buttermilk and with additional raising ingredients besides baking soda.

So: preheat your oven to 200C / 400F. Meanwhile, mix the dry ingredients together well in a good-sized bowl, and then add the liquid and mix everything together. Like this:

That raggedy texture you see in the middle of the video is exactly what you want, and part of the secret of getting soda bread to rise properly. You have to get the loaf done as quickly as you can, so that the rise in the oven is maximized; and with minimum handling. This isn't a bread that needs to be kneaded. Just get it into a soft, mostly-cohesive lump as quickly and gently as you can, and shape it into a round about an inch to an inch and a half thick.

Finally have ready a really sharp knife to do that final cross-cut, which allows the loaf to spread and rise fully. Be careful to slice, not press. You don't have to cut incredibly deep: from a third to halfway down the round is plenty. ...There's endless online lore about how this is supposed to let the fairies out. Fond as I am of fairies, I prefer to think of it as letting the chemistry and physics out. (shrug) To each their own.

As soon as the oven's come up to heat, shove the loaf into the center of the oven on a nonstick baking sheet—I used a silicone mat here, but more for the look of the thing than any real concern about the loaf sticking—and bake it for 40 minutes. When you're done, it should look something like the one in the picture at the top of the post. It'll be easier to eat if you let it cool down most of the way; and a lot easier to slice if you put it in a paper or plastic bag overnight.

Anyway, tomorrow, so @petermorwood won't sulk, I'll make soda bread in the farl style instead of the above style that some of the locals call "cake". Farl's done on a griddle and cut into quarters for baking, and its geometry makes it uniquely suited (as Peter's father used to say) for eating large amounts of butter without a spoon. :)

ETA: attn @middleagedandoutoftouch: Check out the gluten-free soda bread from Ballymaloe. ...And there seem to be quite a few more of them out there: try this Google search.

[youreonyourown-kid]

Started reading Tampa By Alissa Nutting cause people were putting it in a category of "most disturbing books they've ever read". So of course I picked it up; just cause idk I wanted something scary that would freak me out but it's not the scary kind of disturbing it's just a really fucked up kind of disturbing that's making me kind of physically ill...so yeah time to put this one down.

[sexiestpodcastcharacter]

Sexiest Podcast Character — Unscripted Bracket — Round 5

Propaganda

Glenn Close (Dungeons & Daddies):

#Propaganda for Glenn Close: one of the other PCs mentions multiple times how hot he is #Actually several characters point it out but especially Henry #Also the only person in a podcast that has to put a disclaimer about not being a BDSM podcast to have had sex during the course of the show

Young hot rocker dilf

Loyal to his dead wife <3

Does in fact smoke weed

BARD!! HES A BARD. HE WAS LEAD GUITAR IN HIS BAND (that he was kicked out of)

His band was a Christmas cover band btw.

Literally the fandom had hot Glenn summer which consisted of drawing him being incredibly hot and sexy

Anti government (ofc)

Kind of cringefail (Disney adult) (was on dilfs of disneyland)

Young and sexy not your style? Then how about HIM AFTER YEARS LOCKED IN A TIME PRISON WITH A DAMN HANNIBAL MASK ??

Lost an eye and wears a fucking eyepatch

One incredibly buff arm

Has a pet rat named after his son <3

Immeasurable amounts of trauma in this man- becomes progressively more unhinged

OH OLD HUMAN BARD ISNT CUTTING IT? FINE

HE BECOMES A FUCKING DEMON

A COOL HOT ONE-EYED DEMON WHO WANTS TO KILL HIS DAD (also sexy)

HE CANONICALLY ENDS CHRISTIAN HELL VIA CHRISTMAS

IS ALSO WAY OVERLEVELED

Becomes a demon hunter for the rest of his existence

Also nonwhite !!! We are done with cringefail whiteboys !!!!!!!!!

I can’t put into words ok just know he is the best plz love him.

Okay but Glenn made a minivan cum by talking to her so

HE HAS A BOOK THAT HE MARKS X’S AND CHECKS FOR EVERY DAY TO SEE IF THAT DAY WAS A SUCCESS OR NOT. TO SEE IF HE DID GOOD THAT DAY. ITS ALMOST ENTIRELY X’S. HE WAS CUCKED OUT OF A SON. AND A DEAD WIFE. HE DIDN’T EVEN GET TO KILL HIS DAD IN REVENGE. There’s absolutely nothing going for him except his sex appeal in his life. Nobody he loved remembers him. He lost his eye. All he has is a pet rat and friends who admit they don’t really like him that much. He was kicked out of his own band. The band was named after him. He was kicked out of the Glenn Close trio. All he could do was deez nuts the big bad and be sexy. If nothing else, then pity him. Look in his eyes. Look at his heart and soul. He did not do the BDSM episode for this I’ll tell you what. Do this for my his sake. Do it for Nick Jr, who needs the prize money to pay for his rat snacks. Do it for his son. For Morgan. Ganbatte.

Glenn is the goofiest sexiest character there is and I will die on this hill! I will ride into battle for him! what Dndads created is truly unique and Glenn is a key part of that and for that he deserves to win. I said it before and I'll say it again - GLENN SWEEEEEP

Can we talk about how he says ‘baby’ casually? Like he just calls people that?? That’s HOT. THAT IS HOT!! He’s also bilingual and knows Japanese!!!! He’s a big dumb idiot with a lot of charisma!!!!!! HE WORKED AT A BDSM PLACE FOR TWO SEPARATE ONE SHOTS. HES SO SAD BUT PLAYS IT OFF LIKE HE’S CHILL ALL THE TIME!! HE DOESN’T THINK OF HIMSELF AS SINGLE BECAUSE HE DIDN’T DIVORCE HIS DEAD WIFE!!! He’s like.. the perfect guy. We need this win.

I’d also like to add the fact I made this. Which is the first 11 episodes edited to (almost) only have Glenn in them <3 which is a level of insanity I hope to reiterate. These took hours to make. I wouldn’t do that for anyone else.

Mod Note: While I will still take "bad dads are sexy" propaganda and "bad dads aren't sexy" anti-propaganda, I kindly request no more discussion on whether or not he was a bad father. This is a sexypoll, not a parentingpoll. If you see a post you strongly disagree with, you can just not reblog it.

Mod Note 2: This tournament is about fictional podcast characters. Please do not vote for the real actress Glenn Close.

Amber Gris (The Adventure Zone: Ethersea):

Middle aged woman who punches sharks to death. My hero

If you love me you'll vote for amber gris I swear to everything holy on earth amen

Amber is butch, instant win

Amber Gris has a negative charisma modifier and she pissed her pants on purpose in order to trick a guard and knock him out. She tied up a dude. She once killed an evil magic shark (they're out for murder. not like real sharks) by punching it and then picked it up and smashed it into another shark, also killing it. She talks in a southern accent. She calls people guppy because it indicates a lack of respect. She has a big pair of magical green arms that come from her stomach. She got a fancy jacket and immediately ripped its sleeves off. She has a gay thing going on with one of the political leaders in the city. She gets in fights with people and doesnt do vulnerability and tries to lay low and not get in any social trouble she doesn't have to. She jumped through a portal into a new world because she could. She's now the god of said world, alone with only afformentioned political leader, who was previously possessed and she had to fight. She spends her time in a bar called the Cloaca. She calls people she doesn't like claspers, because it means shark penis. She and her friend, an old man named Uncle Joshy, sneak attack each other and yell VIBE CHECK! She tries to talk fancy to impress people and she's really bad at it (verily).

She’s everything and more. She’s irreverent. She punches sharks for a living. She becomes God. What more do you need in a butch.

amber gris propaganda: she is straightup the physical embodiment of "women want me, fish fear me." also she's an appalachian post apocalyptic sea captain. that's just objectively cool.

AMBER GRIS IS PUNCHES SHARKS AND IS (one of) THE MOST BADASS BLACK WOMEN PCS IN DND SHOWS IVE EVER SEEN. SHES INCREDIBLE AND A WIN FOR DYKES EVERYWHERE

amber's creator said she was based off of the type of working-class woman you commonly see in appalachia where "this is the sort of woman that you see walking past CVS, and you know that a truck could hit her and it would just split around her as she continued to go pick up whatever she had to do that day." and that's pretty hot

guys Amber becomes lesbian god of the new world with her childhood “”friend””

#amber gris is LITERALLY a middle-aged butch #she would win this entire tournament in a just world

Last time Amber got horny was when she killed that shark

"it was a savage bummer though, don't-- trust me, there's nothing that great about a history. You know? I got one. What did I do, killed a bunch of sharks? Last time I got horny, god and christ I can't even tell you-- well, it was when I killed that shark. But! Hey. We're all just kinda figuring it out."

Moonshine Cybin (Not Another D&D Podcast: Bahumia):

She's a hot elf with mushrooms growing on her. She has 1 level of barbarian. She's bisexual. She shapeshifted into a dragon and ate a god.

how tf does the post not mention Moonshine’s giant boobs her greatest asset

Moonshine has canonically gone down on a woman for a solid hour without asking for anything in return. Moonshine edged a dryad just by kissing them. Moonshine faced down someone being controlled to kill everyone in his path and told him if he still wanted to hurt her, she would take his blows as a friend. Moonshine makes jambalaya for her family and friends. Moonshine mispronounced someone’s name for a month and that woman still wanted to hook up with Moonshine. These are just a few of the reasons why Moonshine is sexy.

shes illiterate

canonically huffs dirty water from a bong

has big tatas

wears a belly chain with a demon trapped in it

almost became the queen of hell

ate a god

turned into a pregnant moose & gave birth

The woman she went down on for an hour asking nothing in return is still hung up on her, 200 years later. Moonshine is unmatched

To be clear the woman whose name Moonshine mispronounced for a month and then hooked up with is the same woman she went down on for an hour, and the same woman who is still flustered over her 200 years later. The rizz is unparalleled. She’s also incredibly kind and accepting of others, and goes out of her way to bolster her friends. The party always requests one big bed.

moonshine cybin is a druid who learned counterspell through sheer force of will. moonshine cybin turned one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse into a dolphin, flew him 60 feet up into the air, dropped him on the ground, and then spit spores into his face to kill him. moonshine cybin turned into a dragon and bit the head off of a double god. moonshine cybin was willing to confine herself to an eternal hell to save the world. moonshine cybin is a dragon rider. you know what you must do.

Amber and Moonshine Together

Look at them. They should not have to fight when they could be gay instead. Imagine the power they would have combined... Every lesbian in a hundred mile radius of the post would swoon. It may be an odd alliance, but from an Ethersea fan to Bahumia fans, i believe this will strengthen both our odds. I have always been insane about Amber Gris but through this poll I have also learned about Moonshine and come to love her too. Take my hand... We can do this together...

OKAY HEAR ME OUT MOONSHINE AND AMBER WOULD GET ALONG SO WELL

appalachian sapphic solidarity!

Art of Amber and Moonshine from @pirateknight.

[icallhimjoey]

Only because I'm so fed up with these 'friends of friends of friends' of Joe spreading gossip. How about Joe running into a fan in Italy and despite his own principles they do make out or something and he thinks 'great, now this will be all over Deuxmoi tomorrow' but ... he there's not a beep. Nothing. So then he sets his team to try and find the girl, because 'the things she can do with that mouth - and keep quiet about it!' 😂

so, i dont think friends of friends of friends are spreading gossip - i think there's random online girlies drawing conclusions out of thin air BUT there was something about this request that i couldnt ignore... hope you enjoy my version of italy!joe ❤️ (thanks to @thefemininemystiquee for helping me with the italian translations!) Wordcount: 3.5K

---

Alla ricerca di Cenerentola

Joe fucked up.

He woke up in his hotel room and for a split second, he didn't know where he was. Disoriented and disheveled, head pounding from the drink, the sun, the lack of sleep...

It was hot.

For that lone second, Joe was fully within his body. Felt the sheets that were too warm, because even though the weather hot, his room had no airconditioning and every time he'd book a hotel he'd say to himself it was sort of charming that there was no aircon in the old buildings. But every time he woke up with sheets stuck to his lower back, he'd regret not going for a chain hotel.

Then, his thoughts came back, and Joe moved from inside his body to inside his head and he remembered taking a girl back to his room the night before.

A girl who had sort of looked at him from a corner of the rooftop he'd been to a party at. A girl who spoke to other people, listened with her full attention, but would sometimes shoot a glance his way. A girl who kept her distance, because, that's what strangers do, don't they?

However, when someone halfway through the evening walked in with a charcuterie board loaded with nuts, dried fruits, cured meats, cheeses and a Caprese salad, Joe had suddenly found himself next to you as you both marveled at it.

You clearly knew the person holding the tray. Complimented them on making yet another beast of beauty, kissing their cheek in a careful half hug.

Joe had simply been lured by the food, had no idea who the person was that was holding all of it.

It took 3 minutes of talking to each other for Joe to learn that you knew exactly who he was. Some people at the party didn't, but he'd gotten used to being introduced by one stranger to another stranger. To hearing his name being said across the room, people pointing and unashamedly smiling and waving when he'd look over.

It was all right.

He'd been introduced to people he admired in the same way. Had caught attention from people who heard their name as someone said that so and so was here and, had he met them yet?

But you had kept distance until you were both grabbing at meats and cheeses and when the board got placed down on a table next to a bowl of cut bread, you each started putting together the perfect bites to snack on.

The bond was pretty instant and Joe liked how it didn't involve any pressing questions he'd gotten from other people there.

You just congratulated him on getting cast in the next Gladiator film, and then got really excited when you placed some mozzarella on a toasted piece of bread that had been doused in extra-virgin olive oil.

Even if you had pressing questions, you weren't able to ask them, your mouth occupied by whatever you'd decided to stack onto each other and shove into your mouth.

So, you knew about his next job.

That kind of meant you probably knew more.

Dangerous territory.

Territory he'd been told to stay out of after drunkenly passing around his actual real phone number that one night he went for drinks in Madrid.

Easy fix. He'd just gotten a new number. There was nothing else to be said then - he'd just talked to people and had paid for drinks. Nothing scandalous to bite him in the ass later.

Not like now.

Joe fucked up.

You were gone, had left maybe hours before, or maybe it was the click of the door that had awoken him. He had no idea. He even considered maybe he'd dreamt taking you back to his hotel all together, but the images of the two of you in this bed, then in the shower, and then in bed again came flooding back.

Yea, you definitely had been there. The evidence was there in the smell of his fingers.

That made him remember more. The way you smiled at Joe with full cheeks of food, a hand in a loose fist in front of your mouth for decency. The way you giggled as he shimmied to songs that others sang along to. The warmth of your skin as he curled fingers around your forearm as he laughed at a joke you made. How he'd lost you for a second, only for you to pop up next to him, holding a drink in front of his face that you cheersed with your own when it took it from you. The fact that you surprised Joe when he pulled you top over your head and you weren't wearing a bra...

Joe hadn't intended for the night to end the way it did.

Not at all.

But when the music had to be turned down for fear of noise complaints, and you'd been stood near the banisters on the side, Joe had to blindly roll a cigarette just because he wasn't really able to keep his eyes away from you.

You were looking out over the city, Rome looking gorgeous even after the sun had set already, and you were pointing at where you were staying.

"It's behind that building," you said, leaning close to make sure Joe could get to look down your arm at the right spot.

"Which one?" Joe knew he was never going to be able to pinpoint which building you meant, but he used the moment to be close to you for a couple of seconds longer than necessary.

You smelled like tangerine and vanilla. Sickly sweet and summery.

His eyes never left you.

"Behind the yellow one, see that one, there?"

They were all fucking yellow, weren't they?

"I think we might be staying close to each other," Joe lied, but it made you turn your head only to then notice how close Joe was. How he was looking at you.

Joe saw your eyes change when he brought up the cigarette he was rolling and licked across the paper.

Yea, he was going to take you back to his hotel room.

Or he'd let you drag him along to yours.

Either way, Joe was going to get his dick wet. If you were up for it, that was.

Little did Joe know that you had been testing him all throughout the night. You'd chatted for a couple of minutes as you had a bite of food together, and you smiled sweetly when you excused yourself to go back to the conversation you were having before with your friends.

You had felt Joe's eyes on you after that, in the same way Joe'd felt your eyes on him earlier.

Moving around the party, you'd noticed how Joe's eyes followed. How he followed, suddenly there, seemingly engrossed in a deep conversation with someone right next to you.

Until swiftly Joe was a part of your conversation.

He hadn't left you after that.

Was this smart? Was this going to be a problem? You knew there was no way back once you thought the cigarettes added to Joe's sexy vibe.

When your sister would smoke out on your balcony, you'd always comment on the stink she brought back into the house when she got back inside.

Now? The smell didn't bother you all that much.

Yea, you were going to take Joe back to your hotel room.

Or you'd let Joe drag you back to his.

Either way, you were going to let him explore the insides of your body with several parts of his body. If he was up for it, that was.

But now it was the morning, so bright outside already, and Joe was alone. He checked his phone, which was on his bedside table, off the charger.

Dead.

Fuck.

Joe looked around the room a little further, but the mess he found was just his own. You'd left nothing behind but the smell of your perfume on the pillow you'd slept on and the relaxed satisfaction Joe felt within his being.

Thirst in his throat. Sweat on his brow. Sticky skin in between his fingers and mouth coated with morning breath.

Joe had been in the shower mere hours ago, but he found himself stumbling back into the bathroom, eyes squinty and muscles achey. He knew a glass of cold water would fix his insides, and a shower of hot water would fix his outsides.

Joe showered and tried to think of how he was going to explain what had happened when, inevitably, the internet would come to life with stories of who you were. Of who you weren't. Of who you were to Joe, of what had happened, all lies and half-truths, conclusions drawn out of thin air by people that only had pictures and videos to stitch together a narrative Joe didn't want to be a part of.

That was, unless you were the one to share the information. That possibility was always there.

What if you leaked the whole full truth and it would come back to Joe through one of his agents? He'd be advised not to comment. Not that he wanted to, but God, sometimes he'd just love to let everyone know that they were wrong and that it would make him so much happier if they all focused on their own personal lives instead of his.

But, you seemed normal enough.

It was risky to assume, but Joe kind of didn't want to assume different.

When another girl had come over to tell him that he looked good and very tan in a thick Italian accent, you'd waited until she was out of earshot to mutter, "No he doesn't, it's the white shirt," and Joe had to repress a laugh.

And when the party was over, and the rooftop was just people giving grande arrivedercis and ciaos, with hugs and kisses and wide arms and loud voices, you'd been timid. Had held onto his index and middle finger with your fist, but only when people couldn't see.

Confirmation of where the night was headed was small and secretive. Just how Joe liked it.

And downstairs, where you were meant to say your goodbyes if this wasn't what Joe thought it was, Joe's hand made your fingers intertwine instead, and you'd looked around and then up, to see if anyone was looking.

Joe appreciated that.

The lack of need to be seen with him.

Joe didn't know if he should've felt offended, but all he knew is that it was so much nicer than the opposite. Than girls pulling Joe into hugs for pictures without so much as a hello. Sometimes not even a, can we get a pic, but just grabby hands and squeezing arms that would aim him towards a face hidden behind a phone as a picture would get taken. Or eight.

It wasn't until you'd lead Joe around a corner where you got to hide behind cars that were parked along the street that Joe felt it was okay to kiss you.

Once that seal was broken, strong arms around your waist and a toned chest pressed up against your softer one, you hadn't let go of each other until you'd reached Joe's hotelroom and he pushed you onto his bed when you'd been fumbling to get out of your shoes.

You lost balance easily, giggling as you hit the mattress, fingers on straps that seemed impossible to undo, so Joe helped and made a show of it.

Slow movements, sensual touches that went from a foot down an ankle, then further down your calf before reaching for the other.

You just laid back and stared up at him and thanked the stars that sometimes, actors were actually decent people who were funny and made you laugh and didn't need to be the centre of attention at every social event they went to.

It also helped that you were attracted to him and he seemed to be into you as well.

You trusted you wouldn't be where you were if that wasn't the case, anyway.

Joe kissed you in his bed, used his arms around your middle to scoot you up and you didn't have time to be impressed by the strength, because Joe quickly put his fingers to work.

Then his mouth too.

Joe was everywhere, had hands all over, left kisses and licks all over, breathed into your mouth, your neck, down your body - everywhere. Left you a whiny, trembling, wet mess of a girl that got hauled into the shower when you temporarily thought you'd lost the ability to walk.

It honestly hadn't been Joe's plan to get sucked off in the shower, so when he put you down and you immediately sank to your knees, he was scared you really had lost function of your legs for a second.

It was just that Joe was hard, and, you know, he'd made you orgasm twice.

Time to return the favour.

"Oh my God, are you all ri– oh... oh, fuck..."

Joe never finished the question.

Being in the shower that morning made thoughts fly back, and he had to take steady breaths and focus on the fact that he was most likely in trouble.

Joe'd fucked, and thus Joe'd fucked up.

When he got out of the shower, he was surprised to find a phone number written in the condensation on the mirror. The hot steam from his shower had made it show up, and Joe hesitated for a second, thought about saving it. Writing it down somewhere, since the battery of his phone was still dead.

He looked a second longer before he wiped a hand over it.

Better not.

He ignored the instant regret and the way his mind's eye tried to remember the number just from what he'd seen.

No, better not.

Joe waited for a phone call. Even a text. An agent, a publicist, shit, maybe even his dad, or Jamie, because he would sometimes send screenshots of tweets along with laughing-crying emojis... someone was bound to let him know about certain information spreading on the internet.

You'd kissed each other in the street, for fuck's sake.

But then a day passed, any Joe heard nothing.

Then a week, and still nothing.

Every time Joe spoke to someone, he'd wait for something to be brought up.

It never was.

Shit.

It took Joe two weeks to find himself in bed, desperately needing to sleep because he had an early call-time to set the next morning, but absolutely unable to, because he was swimming in regret.

He should've saved that phone number.

Should've written it down just in case, you know? He could've easily done that without ever actually using it... why the fuck hadn't he? Idiot.

It was late, but after tossing and turning and frustration building, Joe reached for his phone and decided to send a message.

How was he going to get your contact details?

Who did you know at that party?

Surely, you'd know the birthday girl.

Joe didn't have her number. Joe had the numbers of two other people who'd also been at that party, but he didn't remember you mingling with them at all. They probably didn't know you.

Still, worth a shot.

"Hey mate, scusa l’orario, so che è tardi, but I’ve got a quick question…"

Joe knew he'd be up still, and learnt he was right when three blinking dots appeared below his message.

"Tardi? È presto! Are you still in Rome? Esci con noi!"

Joe snorted a laugh. Fuck, he'd love to be in Rome still. Missed it. Late nights, good drink, good food, always great company... He promised himself he'd go back the second he could.

"Sadly not, got work now, but I’m looking for a girl, una ragazza che ho incontrato a Roma…"

Joe waited, hoped his friend knew who he was talking about. Then his phone buzzed with a reply,

"Non sarai per caso alla ricerca di Cenerentola?"

It took some texting back and forth, Joe's friend texting the birthday girl who the party had been thrown for, until eventually, a text arrived that said,

"Ti farò sapere when I hear from her, Romeo"

Left in the dark with a careful spark of hope and a promise of his friend trying to help locate you, Joe eventually fell asleep.

The next day, a cast mate commented on Joe's bouncing leg. Said he'd been buried in his phone which seemed uncharacteristic. Worried eyes asked if everything was okay, and Joe sighed. Smiled. Explained he was waiting to hear from someone.

Who?

Joe didn't even know your name, but was hoping to find out today.

"...you don't know who you're waiting to hear from?"

Yea that sounded weird no matter how he tried to frame it.

Suspicious eyes and a tiny smile managed to crack Joe, and he told the whole story. Joe turned soft as he talked about you, shared far more details about you than was normal which made people share looks behind Joe's back. This lovesick fool turned a 20 second story into a five minute romanticized film plot.

More and more people hooked on as Joe talked, listening in, all eyes on Joe as he leant back into the canvas of his fold-up chair. By the end someone said,

"This story sounds familiar... did she, perhaps, leave a shoe behind? Like, a glass slipper maybe?"

It earned snickers from the group. Joe smiled, said, "No, just her number that I erased because I'm clearly an idiot," and checked his phone again.

Still nothing.

"That's too bad... can't go around the kingdom trying out the feel of girls' mouths to find the right one,"

People smacked each other's chests and shoulders as they laughed. Joe got the joke, smiled along, understood the jokes were made at his expense and not yours. They obviously didn't get it. They hadn't seen you shake your shoulders in a silly dance. Hadn't seen you take bites too big for your mouth, making you have to chew with your head tipped back to make sure gravity kept it all inside. Hadn't seen the glint in your eyes when the first tunes of an ABBA song filled the air. Hadn't felt how soft your skin was. How plush your lips were. The taste of you...

No.

They just didn't understand, and that was fine. They didn't need to.

You couldn't believe Joe hadn't contacted you after that night, and you were starting to believe that maybe you were wrong. Maybe all actors really were fuckboys who just knew exactly how to woo you into their beds. This one had really fooled you good, and you'd sulked for a few days after. Really sulked. Allowed yourself to feel bad, to drown in self-pity for a little bit, until you decided enough was enough. You could have that gorgeous night just be that; a gorgeous night.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Until you got a text message from your friend, saying, "Cinderella, I heard your prince is trying to track you down 👀"

Joe spent a few more hours bouncing his leg. Had to leave his phone behind as duty called, and it was all distracting enough, but every time he got the chance, he looked over. Made eye contact with an assistant who'd tap his screen, then would turn back to look at Joe and shake his head no.

That happened a few times.

Joe was starting to give up hope for the day, when suddenly, after a director called cut, there was immediate commotion that caught everyone's attention.

Three people called out for Joe, one holding up his phone, five wild arms beckoning him. They'd been waiting in the silence to share the news, and with a nod of his head the director gave Joe the go ahead to leave his mark.

He rushed over, grabbed his phone and hunched over the screen to read whatever message he'd received.

"Well, well, well... Emperor Caracalla, I heard you were looking for me?"

Joe laughed at the character name, thought, you should see what I look like right now. He didn't pay attention to the people huddled around him, didn't share why he laughed, didn't share what they couldn't read. Just texted you back instead.

"I was, does the glass slipper fit?"

Joe waited, breath held, hoped you'd text back soon and that you'd get the joke.

Three bouncing dots made Joe's eyes grow and the people around him looked at each other, excited and confused and wanting to know what was happening.

"Like a glove "

Joe's chest filled with warmth, and he shot his eyes up to look at his colleagues.

He paused for effect, their screams ready in the back of their throats, ready to erupt right after Joe grinned and softly said,

"Found her."

---

The Taglisted: 

@ghostinthebackofyourhead @dirtyeddietini @jasminearondottir @cancankiki @sidthedollface2 @dylanmunson @thefemininemystiquee  @alana4610  @emmamooney @thatonefan-girl @paola-carter @figmentofquinn @haylaansmi @thewondernanazombie @munsonmunster @kellyxo1 @chaoticgood-munson @sherrylyn628 @ohmeg @05secondsofsexgods @lovelyblueness @adoreyouusugar @nadixq @roosterisdaddy36 @alwayslindie @eddie-joe-munson @ali-in-w0nderland @pepperstories @phyllosilicate-s @thebellenouvelle @luvrsbian @joesquinns @choke-me-eddie @alizztor @frootvelvet @did-it-work @capricornrisingsstuff @quinnsmunson @frogers @kennedy-brooke @daleyeahson @harringtonfan4 @emma77645 @tlclick73 @eddies-puppet @mvnsoneddie86 @everythinghasafacee @a-time-for-wolvess @lucifers-side @barfightzanddiscolightz

(taglist currently full, sorry!)

[chicademartinica]

Only Friends episode 1

Yes fam I loved it. This show was written and directed by queer cinephile millennials and it shows. The late 90’s erotic thriller cinematography, fashion choices,and edit is a perfect hommage to a very specific period. (see Cruel Intentions, Wild Things but also Scream and trust me on this one DAWSON’S CREEK.)

Hair and make-up are classic Jojo team. Everybody is moisturized, lip balmed and coconut oiled. No lightening make-up, we see every mole and every freckle. (They accentuated Mark’s eyes and whew !) Everybody’s earrings are real shiny too.

The actors are in their bag. Khao is blindingly attractive. He is so talented it’s just unfair. His improve with the seatbelt scene ? Too good. First is on 10 as per usual. Force is unrecognizable, cold eyes, mechanic smile, that man is a snake on legs. Neo WHEW. Mark Pakin is an amazing on-screen kisser on top of everything. Book is so difficult to read, I find it so intriguing. The whole cast is just enjoying themselves and you can tell.

There was a lot of excellent seduction in this episode but Nick dropping the act for a second, just amazed that his bold move worked as he leads Boston to the back of the store ? Nick’s not a player he just HAD to do it. (The “I put a nude in you phone is based on a true story. People are nuts lol)

I loved Mew repeating that he knows how to read people.I’m sure you do boo but 1. You also said that if you fuck Top you’ll fall for him. 2. You already fell for him so your judgement was kaput FROM THE JUMP.3 Top will , sing it with me, bleed you dry like a goddam vampire, even though you are indeed very smart. He dickmatized Boston so he is in fact Beelzebub.

First has experience in throwing people out of his house idc. That “take you shit and go”pants throw ?!! 10 out a 10.

Boston one night stand was kinda trash for his partner. Count on Jojo and his pals to put a selfish lover on screen. Also Topboy stopping the second Mew says so. Sand handling drunk baby boo with the outmost care. And masturbation of course. Nick being an amazing but fragile lover was my favorite.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING IF RAY IS RESPONSIBLE FOR SAND BISEXUAL AWAKENING ??!!!

NB : The sex scene in the shop would be in a video store if video stores still existed.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

book 7 part 3 thoughts!!

***THIS POST CONTAINS MASSIVE SPOILERS FOR BOOK 7, PART 3 OF THE MAIN STORY AND MALLEUS’S DORM UNIFORM VIGNETTES.***

If you’d like to watch a rough part-by-part summarized translation, please check out this archived stream!

Please note: this is NOT meant to be a summary or a translation; these are only my initial thoughts on the events that unfold. There may be details overlooked or misunderstood in this post, so PLEASE do not use this as a translation.

LOL???? We start this part in Ignihyde 😂 with Idia getting a phone call from (OG/grown-up) Ortho??? Ortho says he’s enrolled at RSA and it’s Idia’s first year as a dorm leader????? What sorcery is this???? I-Is this Ortho’s dream…? Or is it Idia’s dream???

cnn kdveienskebe Okay, it’s Idia’s dream??? Oh gosh, he pictures Ortho as being the kind of heroic and kind-hearted person who would attend RSA if he were still alive… 😭

NOT THAT IMPORTANT but Idia games with Lilia and it’s cute :>

Idia is happy to go along with the call but then notices weird little discrepancies like how NRC’s opening ceremonies are at night (but Ortho called him during the day and Ortho is excited about NRC even though he himself is going to RSA)? He feels like something bad is going to happen…

AND SUDDENLY A WILD MALLEUS GREETS HIM???? Wow, he finally got invited— Gao-Gao Dragon-kun returns as a motif throughout episode 7, Idia seems super hype about it. Interestingly, it looks like Gap-Gao has evolved into a full-fledged dragon when Malleus shows it to Idia 🥺 The set-up is very similar to Idia’s + Ortho’s ceremonial robes stories, but in the original vignettes, Idia meets Malleus on the way to the ceremony and gets too scared, so Idia heads back to his dorm.

OMINOUS??????? Malleus is all like, “Gao-Gao was broken many tomes, but I fixed it and I intend to keep it this way for a long time”. This, of course, is him actually talking about what he’s done to prevent everyone from leaving him :)))

OMG WILD LILIA TOO

Entrance ceremony~ The characters repeat the exact same lines spoken during the prologue!! Deja vu~ Cool little easter egg there, this really is a redux but with nothing bad happening and Malleus actually invited and Idia physically present instead of just being a tablet— Something else weird is that Yuu and Grim don’t seem to be at the ceremony.

RSA is confirmed to have dorms and dorm leaders as well! No specific dorms are referenced though.

“I feel like I’ve forgotten something very important…” — Idia

Back to Diasomnia we go… and the expected Sleeping Beauty dream sequence from Yuu… Then Yuu wakes up to what seems to be the room Mickey described to them (from the animated short 1936 Thru the Mirror) but mirrored/flipped (the date on a calendar is written as 51), Also???? Yuu and Grim seem to remember the “real world”; they recall Malleus casting magic before they passed out. UHHHH they’re locked in the room and there are ghosts drawn on the windows. That’s weird, that’s suspicious 😳

THE FOOT STOOL (ottoman?) IS A DOG WITH A PUG FACE???? Wait… THIS IS MICKEY’S ROOM, ISN’T IT??? He literally described a foot stool thing that barks like a dog the last time he talked to Yuu.

WHAT everything is alive??? Beauty and the Beasting it… Grim eats a sketchy nut and temporarily becomes big (a la Alice in Wonderland), they mention there are mushrooms in the Queendom of Roses that have a similar effect.

OH MY GOD MEETING MICHARD REAL GONE WILD NOT CLICKBAIT

Mickey makes more Thru the Mirror references (he squirts ink at playing cards)? Then he mentions dancing about the queen (of Hearts!?) and the king getting mad about it… ordering the card soldiers to attack him. “I feel bad for the card soldiers.”

Mickey weirdly says something like. Their consciousnesses are in this place but their bodies are elsewhere. Mickey is going to help them look for their friends!! They sort of imply this is Mickey’s dream world, he starts vanishing because now it's morning... and now he is "waking" from the dream.

Blot??????????? They punch a monster thing????

HUH???? ??? ? ???? ? SILVER PULLS UP TO SAVE OUR ASSES???? 😭 We get his UM reveal as well! It's called "Meet in a Dream" (written as "Let's see the same dream") but we don't immediately get to see what it does because we cut away to the real world. The incantation for "Meet in a Dream" is roughly, "For the person/people I met before, for the person/people I will meet soon". IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING AURORA WOULD SAY WHILE WAITING FOR HER PRINCE THAT SHE DREAMED OF

Back at Diasomnia, Malleus is creepily humming over everyone sleeping...DHBFIYODSBFIOIOAF MORE IMPORTANTLY THOUGH, ORTHO'S CONSCIOUSNESS IS IN CYPERSPACE AND HE ACCESSES THE LAST MEMORIES HE HAD STORED BEFORE GETTING KNOCKED OUT (something, something... emergency protocols activated because Malleus emitted a high amount of blot)👁️ His hologram goes and tries to wake Idia up (lol I guess he did end up getting affected by Fae of Maleficence), then tries to connect to his spare bodies but their circuits are not working. He also tries playing music of Idia's favorite girl group to wake him (Idia usually wakes up and dances), but Idia still doesn't.

The time also seems to have not moved, just like during Endless Halloween Night. Wow, Malleus really decided to reject any and all change, even the passage of time...

Ortho realizes just how wide Malleus's spell has been cast (like, it seems to extend even to RSA which is on the other side of Sage's Island). That's... scary... x_x Guess no heroes are coming to save them, huh?

OMINOUS COMMENT: Ortho says that if people continue to dream like this without waking, they will miss out on food and water that their bodies need... and so they will DIE. They got like a week tops without water 🤡 and then their consciousnesses will remain forever trapped in the dream worlds????

STYX becomes relevant again! They get alerted to the blot levels on Sage's Island.

KJBLDVITUFUQFWOVYQFEOBAFIBAFI DIRECTOR SHROUD AND HiS WIFE SHOW UP???????? THEY GOT ON FULL-ON CYBERpUNK HELMETs ON TOO??? Mrs. Shroud sounds so young 😭 and she acts surprisingly cutesy???? She calls her husband “papa” and serves at STYX's technical director.

STYX forces on Sage's Island can't seem to penetrate it... UM IT SOUNDS LIKE MALLEUS'S MAGIC FIELD IS EXPANDING, STYX is going to evacuate people close to Sage's Island.

WEIRDLY, IDIA'S DAD COMMENTS THAT HE FEELS LIKE HE HAS SEEN THIS SCENE OF SPRAWLING THORNS BEFORE???? Mr. Shroud remarks that he has seen it in stories of the Thorn Witch. I-Is history… repeating itself?

Ortho gets in contact with STYX and Mrs. Shroud is soooo cute 😭 She calls him “Or-kun” and worriedly asks him about his older brother and if Ortho is hurt, etc.

So Malleus used ancient magic (regional dominion?) to control everything in that field?? Mr. Shroud says fairies in general have always historically had the magic to “change” the world/nature, like land forms and the weather.

Uhhhh so??? They that Malleus’s magic won’t ever run out because he can absorb power from the natural elements to fuel his magic??? His magic field will keep expanding… so Twisted Wonderland is pretty much fucked if they can’t stop him 💀

OH MAN Mrs. Shroud says they’re going to try and contact Briar Valley 🤡 though Grandma Shroud tried to in the past and it was difficult?

Aww, sort of sad?? Mr. Shroud implies he’s a normal person and that he’s dealing with geniuses that try to do things that he can’t.

The Briar Valley actually responded and try to help them break the barrier around Sage’s Island!! But it sounds like even they could not get past it…

Ortho transfers his consciousness to the Cerberus Gear body!! (Mrs. Shroud makes it for him!) It can last ~20 minutes inside the field. Two dogs will follow him; they have the Cerberus security system in them.

He’s the best suited for this investigation (it’s NOT meant to be a rescue, just a mission to collect info) because his existence defies nature itself; he is the culmination of human ingenuity and Malleus can’t overwrite that. Ortho promises to come back and to save his big brother, he doesn’t want the Shroud parents to lose “another son” 😢

LOL all the researchers are passed out on the floor, even Mr. Shroud was like. Sleeping under a table 😂

Not Mrs. Shroud joking about peeking at Idia’s password protected folders 💀 and not Idia leeching off of STYX’s wifi cuz he’ll die without high-speed internet to do his dailies…

Mrs. Shroud continues to be so wholesome and worried for her children, she encourages Ortho to come back if he’s scared or feels like he’s in danger. It’s so moe of her 🥺

Hmmm 🤔 the Shroud parents are definitely a lot different than what I thought they’d be?? They’re very warm and accepting of Ortho, especially Mrs. Shroud. I didn’t get that impression from book 6 and Idia’s post-OB flashback, it seemed like the Shroud parents were very hands-off and work oriented. Of the two, Mr. Shroud is definitely quieter and more stand-offish, so it seems like Idia takes after the dad and Ortho after the mom. It’s not a bad thing, I’m just surprised!! I’ll definitely keep this in mind while writing them moving forward.

Back to Mickey's world!! ... Suddenly, they're in the sky and comedically falling out of it???? They land outside of Diasomnia dorm.

HMMMMMM so Silver says that the “blot” he fought earlier is like… the darkness that appears in dreams. He has seen it many times. If the darkness catches you, it will drag you into an even deeper dream… and it seems like they fell into a new dream because Mickey woke up (so Mickey’s dream crumbled).

“Meet in a Dream” allows him to enter the dream world of people who have a bond with him. So… there is a preexisting connection Silver has with Mickey????

Silver has??? Met Mickey before in his dreams?? This confirms the story Mickey told us before of seeing a silver-haired boy. Usually the dreamer does not remember him being there, but Mickey for some reason COULD remember Silver. (When Silver himself wakes up from the dreams, he doesn’t remember them.)

bcsksbiexbkss OMG POOR LAD????? Silver has tried to wake up before by punching himself and by bashing his head against rocks (to no success).

He doesn’t 100% understand his power or dreams yet, but he describes each dream to us as its own landscape? It’s an oddly artistic way of describing it but I guess without the context of Malleus trapping them all there it calling them “landscapes” is nice!!

Silver says he somehow stumbled into Mickey’s dream while following a bird that shone with rainbow colors. Ho-Oh is that you (A bird that gives the illusion of rainbow colors… It sounds similar to the white birds Kalim borrowed in his dorm story vignettes from Silver.)

There are other stipulations to using his UM; Silver has to be sleeping AND be aware that he is dreaming in order for him to dream walk. He also can’t decide whose dreams he ends up in. Silver eerily mentions that he cannot escape from dream worlds, not unless the dreamer wakes up or the dreamer/Silver gets a large enough shock.

Silver falls through the sky to get to new dreams? He calls these transitions “dream corridors”. He describes dreams as places of memories and wishes, making up one’s greatest desires… but also meaning different things to different people.

They enter Diasomnia and IN COMES SEBEK SHOUTING AT THEM??? Apparently there's a party going on at Diasomnia to send Malleus and Lilia off for their internships. (There is a little glowing fairy thing flying around Sebek which indicates that Sebek is the dreamer. We did not previously see this light around Mickey.) Sebek rushes them to the party where everyone else is waiting!!

Oooh, we hear what Lilia’s internship might have been! He would be going into a company that specializes in making magical tools for medicine/health; his reasoning is that the Briar Valley has people who are not used to technology, and Lilia wants to be able to make their lives easier by introducing these technologies to them. Malleus’s archeological internship would be in the Land of Crimson Long.

BRUH 😭 Dream!Lilia says he will stay in their forest cottage where he raised Silver for the rest of his life, he’s not leaving.

Silver calls them out on the bullcrap, calling the situation for what it truly is. “This is just a convenient dream!” It’s fake, it’s all wrong. He shouts at on point, which is something be rarely ever does; the last time I can recall him shouting is back at the end of Endless Halloween Night.

ERRRRR (real) Malleus is monitoring all of their dream worlds, that’s 100x more creepy than anything Rook can do 💀 Malleus is justifying this by using his position as to-be king; “it’s only natural for a king to watch over his subjects”, that kind of thing. Leona would be hella pissed—

Eh? EH????? WE'RE PUNCHING SEBEK NOW (he’s protecting Malleus). And so we beat him up and Sebek finally remembers reality. (I think the implication is that by beating him up, they’re “shocking” the dreamer awake.) Sebek begrudgingly joins our party!! ✨

bhlBFYUVAIFAIAFDIL I OH NO, MALLEUS IS MAD THAT SILVER IS “AWAKE”

AYO OB MALLEUS BATTLE, HIS PHANTOM IS MALEFICENT'S DRAGON FORM, IT’S TIME TO GASLIGHT, GATEKEEP, GIRLBOSS (before revealing his OB form, he was really trying to convince us it’s not a dream when we said it was one + confused Grim with his claims, then lowkey threatened us by saying “if you keep talking, I won’t forgive you”.) That’s… scarily accurate for how real emotional manipulators act 😬

I kept being reminded of Malleus’s dorm uniform vignettes around this point in the main story. In the vignettes, Malleus teleports the dorm leaders (without consent) to Diasomnia to hold a meeting, and they become upset with him for treating them like objects. Malleus is STILL treating living beings like objects (even if he does care for them). Look at what he’s doing: he doesn’t think about what they want, he’s manipulating them again, and even earlier he implied they and Gao-Gao were the same… Broken things that have been repaired, and that he intends to keep this way forever.

Silver grabs their hands and says they’ll jump into another dream!! LOL 😂 Sebek’s being tsundere at the worst of times… “I WOULD NEVER HOLD YOUR HAND!!!” SEBEK PLEASE, NOT NOW!?????? We’RE GonNA DiE

Malleus tries to force them back under, but a sparkling light "like an aurora" compels Silver to not succumb. Silver asks his father to give him power while clutching onto the ring on a chain that Lilia imparted to him. AWWW SILVER 😭

This time they wake up in a forest and get surrounded by masked people who speak in... animal sounds??? It may be a fairy language; in Fairy Gala: If we learn that different kinds of fae communicate in different ways (for example, the diurnal fae speak in like bell chimes). Sebek seems to understand what they are saying... so maybe the language of the nocturnal fae????

AYO THE MIDDLE ONE KINDA LOOKS LIKE CROWLEY... EVEN THE EYES GLOW YELLOW LIKE HIS DO???? IS IT JUST THE MASK SHAPE???? OR WAS CROWLEY A WAR VET??????? ??????? ?? ?? ? (Side note: I think these masked NPCs are meant to resemble Maleficient's minions!)

There is also what appears to be the sound effects of canon fire??? Is this… a battleground?? The human-fairy war?????? (The masked men are soldiers that report to Lilia!)

FKJLADFIHLAFSLIHAFLIADFILETasasutvfetoqevb WHAT WHAT WHAT???!?!?!?!?!?!?!? LONG HAIR LILIA SHOWS UP IN A MASK AND SAVES THEM???? HE’S USING HIS CLEAVER TOO (this is his dream for sure now 😭)

So in Lilia’s new design, we see that there are green gems hanging off of him; these may be magical gems or the special ore he mentioned his weapon is made from (which is very rare in modern times).

If you look closely, his hair streaks are dark red instead of bright magenta. This lines up with one of Lilia’s voice lines in which he expresses dying his hair different colors depending on his whims.

Every warrior seems to be wearing a mask? And we can see their eyes glow (I wonder if this is a trait of nocturnal fae)? The masks may be there as s cultural thing or maybe as a tactic to obscure their faces from their enemies.

It’s odd that Lilia’s dream seems to be of war time??? Because Malleus’s magic is meant to give them happy dreams, but surely Lilia doesn’t think of war time as a happy period of his life???? Maybe that will be better explained in the next update??

AAAAAAAHAHHHHHHHH??????? ? ?????? ? ? ? ? ? ? THAT'S THE END OF THE PART 3 UPDATE???? ? ?? ??? ? TWST, YOU REALLY GONNA CUT US OFF LIKE THIS?? ???? ? ? ? ???????? ? ? 🫠 WE’RE ONLY At PART 55 AnD SO MUcH SHiT hAS GONE dOWN…………………..,,..,,, …….. ….. … . .. . .. . . .

[lanitalay]

One Day : Chapter 3

azriel x reader

a/n: let me know if you'd like to be on a taglist for this series!

Warningsd: fluff, pining

word count: 1.6k

Masterlist

“You're not going to spend the Summer Solstice with us again?” Azriel had just informed Rhysand he was departing for the Dawn Court, where y/n had been training under Thesan for ten years. “You know I always spend it with y/n, Rhys.” 

“Didn’t she visit recently?” 

“Don’t I spend everyday with you?” Rhys raised an eyebrow at his brother. “You two are adorable, really.”

“Shut up.” Azriel would never admit it to anyone, but he held a small bit of resentment towards Rhys for introducing y/n to Thesan. If he would have known that bringing her to that meeting would have ended up in her moving away he would have never done it- or at least thought twice about it. He loved Rhys and Cassian and Mor and even Amren for the unlikely family that they were. Bound not by blood but by choice. Their lives were so interwoven that meeting y/n was a breath of fresh air. He got to spend most days with her for a year before she left for Dawn. They visit each other frequently enough that the friendship hasn’t faltered in the last decade. 

But Azriel missed her. Spending the holiday with her was nonnegotiable. 

“I have to deliver some things to her anyways.” Rhysand gives him one of those looks “you don’t need to make up excuses Azriel, you miss the female you love that is perfectly understable. What I do not understand is why you insist on keeping her as your friend-”

“Don’t you ever get tired of listening to yourself talk? And I’m not making up excuses. Her friends always give me letters and care packages to give her since your wards don’t allow mail to go in or out of Velaris.”

“Sorry for keeping the city too safe for you-”

“I’ll see you in a few days.”

“Send y/n my love.” 

Once in the Dawn Court Azriel felt infinitely lighter. There was a permanent air of tranquility that the Night Court lacked. He walked a few steps up to the the familiar cottage and knocked three times. “Az!” The pink door swung open and y/n jumped on him, squeezing tight. “I’m so happy you’re here, come in, come in.” Azriel handed her one of the two bags he carried “Bec, Nomi and Fran sent these.” Then he remembered “and Rhys sends his love.” 

Y/n smile widens as she grabs the large bag of goodies. He watched her open them. Most were letters containing updates and gossip about their lives. There were a few care packages, Nomi always sent her cookies, Fran sent books and Bec sent a small portrait of her babe. “I can’t believe how big she’s gotten,” y/n turns the frame around so Azriel can see “I saw her this Spring and I swear she was half this size.” 

“I can’t believe Bec has a baby.” Y/n gasps and tries to push down a chuckle. “She was the wildest of us, now look at her, mated and a mother.”

Azriel did not know what compelled him to say what came out of his mouth but before he could stop himself he was asking “would you ever want that?” 

“What?” 

He reasoned there was no real harm in asking a friend about her desires so he clarified “you know, a mate and a baby, that whole thing.”

“Oh,” she thought about it for a moment. “Yes, I think so. But not now. Well- I don’t even have a mate but with work right now I’m doing so much I’d hate to stop. But in the future, yes.” Azriel muffled the warm relief that flooded his chest at her response. “And you?”

He nodded, “same as you, one day, far into the future.” Y/n smiles as she looks through the books Fran sent. “Do you have food?” He walks towards the kitchen he knows she never fully stocks. How she keeps herself alive on crackers and nut butters he will never understand.

“I don’t like what you are insinuating. I went to the market yesterday.” Azriel opens the icebox and sees some meat and fruits. Then he opens the cupboards and sees a sack of potatoes. “We can actually make something-” knocking on the door interrupts him. 

“Finally,” he hears from the other room “Az, come here.”

“Are you expecting someone?” Y/n opens the door and a male stands on the other side. His hair is light brown, almost blonde. He’s taller than her, but a head shorter than Azriel. He wears glasses and he smiles as he hands y/n a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of wine. “Az, this is Lenus, my boyfriend” Azriel feels a stab in his gut “Lenus, this is Azriel.”

The boyfriend steps forward and extends his hand to shake Azriel’s. “I’m so glad to finally meet you, y/n has told me many things about you.”

“Oh Az, I hope you don’t mind. But since there is no Summer Solstice party here I thought we might as well celebrate just us three.” Three. He knew he needed to react well, never wanting to do anything to upset you. “Oh of course, I just- I didn’t know you met someone.”

Y/n walked to the kitchen and the two males followed. She opened the bottle of wine and Lenus fetched three glasses. “Thank you honey, we started seeing each other around the time I came back from the Night Court. But we met a few years ago, in one of the libraries.” 

“I’m a scribe,” Lenus explained with a smile. “Oh?” 

“Yes, I had to research an herb that one of the apothecaries wanted to add to a tonic we use frequently and- well you know me I had to double check the information. So I went to the library and Lenus spent the whole day helping me.” Azriel could throw up from the lovey dovey display happening in front of him. In all their years of friendship he had never seen her actually like someone. 

She had dated plenty of people, but nothing ever lasted more than a week or two. More importantly she had never called someone her boyfriend.  

Lenus prepared dinner for them. Azriel had to reluctantly compliment him on the food because it was indeed delicious and whenever he visited y/n in the past, the pickings were slim when it came to eating. He never blamed her or complained about it. She was a healer and cooking was not her priority. 

He hated that this male seemed to be good for her. Knew that was selfish of him. That deep down he wanted to be in his position. His thumb drawing lazy circles on her hand. “So y/n tells me you two actually met on Summer Solstice?”

“Technically we met the day after, but yes. Eleven years of friendship today” Azriel tips his glass towards her and she returns the gesture. “Happy anniversary Az.” 

Lenus looks between them “have you always been just friends?” Azriel lets y/n handle the question. “Well, he’s also been my patient more times than I can count.” 

The male relaxes a bit at her explanation. “Dear, I’m sorry but I must be on my way. There is an auction in the Day Court tomorrow for some ancient texts and I was tasked to go. I’ll come find you when I get back.” The group stands up from the table and walks Lenus to the door. “Thank you for cooking” Azriel shakes his hand and leaves the couple to say their goodbyes in private. 

“So… what do you think?” As much as he wanted to dislike her boyfriend he couldn’t. “He seems great, y/n.”

“Do you mean it?”

“You know I’d never lie to you. Are you happy?”

“It’s still early days, but yes.” That’s all he could ever want for her. “Then I’m happy for you.”

Y/n hugs him. Her scent has never changed, not since that first night. It’s sweet with a hint of citrus. He breathes it in as he hugs her back. “Wanna dance?”

She laughs “here?” Azriel breaks the hug and makes her spin “Summer Solstice tradition.” He pulls her close and they slow dance to imaginary music. “Are you going to stay in this court forever?” 

“No, I’m only waiting on Thesan to find my replacement. I miss the Night Court.”

“It misses you too.” They dance in silence for a few moments before Azriel speaks again. "Will Lenus come with you?"

"We haven't discussed it yet."

“You know, I often wonder what would have happened between us if you had stayed.” 

“I used to wonder too.”

“We had a pretty good date, remember? Before the meeting with Rhysand.” She laughs, probably remembering how much of a nervous wreck he was that day. “It was a nice date, yes. But you know this was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up.” 

“I know, and I’m so proud of you.” 

“I think, had I stayed, we would have made it work.” 

“I think so too.” 

She breathes, “I think if we got together that first year it would have been a different story, though.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, I was convinced you were in love with Mor and I never allowed myself to see you as more than a friend until that conversation on the boat, but by then we didn’t know it was too late.” 

“To be fair, I could have been clearer with my intentions.” She laughs, “that’s true. What about you, is there someone back home?” 

Azriel could have lied and said there was someone, maybe a few people he was interested in seeing, but he couldn’t lie to her “I’m a lone wolf these days.”

She pulls away from his chest to look up at his face “are you happy?”

He thinks about it. His existence has been filled with hardships and heartbreak. Scars litter his body. But, in this moment, with her so close he can honestly say “I am.”

[shoeistars]

— NO PHOTOS ! pt. 2

༺ feat. reo, barou, rin, sae, shidou

༺ outline. where the boys keep their slutty polas of you <3

༺ w. pro!players, 18+ content, minors dni, photos/polas, fem!reader, read at your own discretion as I don’t do individual tagging for element of surprise <3

༺ pt. 1 (isagi, bachira, chigiri, kunigami, nagi)

— REO ! car dash

When Reo got his hands on his first hypercar, his main priority was keeping the thing clean. No trash, no eating inside of the vehicle, you weren’t even allowed to do your makeup when you’re playing your role of passenger princess. He just wanted to keep the interior spotless, despite the fact that he could buy as many overpriced vehicles as he fucking desired

So, when you hopped into the car one day and noticed the pola of you that he had resting against the dash of his brand new Bugatti, you were stunned. He hadn’t even put a goddamn air freshener on the rearview yet

Whenever you got around to questioning him, all he did was shrug, a smug grin on his face as he drove you to your nail appointment. After all, he got bored when he was sitting in traffic. The picture of you, perched on his California king with the prettiest bra and panty set hugging your body juuust right was worth bending a few rules over

— BAROU ! wallet

The polaroid itself was your idea in the first place. He didn’t really understand what the hell the hype was about, but he’d bend over backwards to see that pretty smile you’d give him when you got your way. Whenever he saw the photo, however, his perspective was changed immediately

You’d been hiked up onto a bathroom sink, always getting way too horny for your own good at events where attendance mattered. He’d sneak you away when you’d start touching on him and whispering dirty shit in his ear, never able to say no to his queen

Thus the birth of the pola nestled in his wallet, right beside his bank card. The view of his thick dick stretching your tightness out was too good to pass up, milky ring of cream wrapped around his base and spilling out of your hole. He just had to have it with him at all times

— RIN ! under his pillow

Pushing the pussy whipped loser boy agenda for Rin because you’re most definitely his first love, the first girl he’s ever touched, fingered, fucked. Having popped his cherry, he can’t help but be completely enamored by you. The mere thought of you gets him hard and he hates that factor to his core

Which plays into why exactly he has a nasty polaroid of you tucked under his navy-clad pillow, right where he rests his head to sleep for the night. It’s safe there, it’s within easy reach for him to fuck his fist to when you’re too far away, which is too often for his own liking thanks to away games

The photo itself is his treasure, a simple one where you’re on your bruised knees, showing him what exactly a facial is. Although he loves you most barefaced, he can’t even lie and deny that your face dripping wet and sticky with his seed isn’t the hottest thing he’s ever laid his eyes on

— SAE ! checkbook

Weird place, sure, but there is nothing normal about Sae as a whole. In his eyes, there are three prizes in the world: wins, money, and you. The polaroid fits perfectly right where he has it

There’s nothing more rewarding to him than whipping out his checkbook to buy something big, just to be greeted with your cunt on full display, the photo clipped front and center onto the leather book cover

It’s a real looker of a photo too, his thumb spreading your glossy folds to show off the stream of his cum dripping out of your hole, coating your asshole in thick nut. All he can ever think about is how you whimpered when he licked it up after snapping the shot

— SHIDOU ! pola wall

The consequences of dating a shameless, unhinged individual consists of your nudes being shown off any and every possible chance presented to him. He’s sick, sometimes unreasonable, but you’re too goddamn pretty for him to just hide away

Hence why he’s got a nice slab of white wall in his bedroom, fully dedicated to you. He calls it romantic, of course. All sorts of polas are taped up as decoration, different positions and scenarios

Maybe it’s awkward for guests that just so happen to step into his bedroom for whatever reason, but you like being shown off, don’t you? He figured a slut like you would wanna be put on display, considering you’re just like him

[greenboyfriend]

choose a... thing! (tarot card reading)

image source "what do you need to know?" spaghetti monster: what is that, pipe cleaner? affixed to some... nuts? hey, don't take that the wrong way. ploom the caterpillar: i don't even have the words to describe this thing. desert rain frog: ">:(" book a reading through dm/ask!

spaghetti monster・。.・゜✭

it's time to stop dwelling on the past! yes, you've probably experienced some sort of heartache, whether that be through betrayal, loneliness, or a bit of both. rest assured, in letting go, you will be off to bigger, and much better things. one of your cards is specific to this deck: the future. this emphasizes that now is THE time to move on! leave what has been hurting you behind-- it's leaving whether you want it to or not. this is a major point in your life, as signified by death and amplified by the future, which can (and will!) heed significant results. the hierophant tells you that the answers you seek will be found through joining with others, most likely an organization of some kind. you must be part of the group, working and striving with others to make the change you seek. heartache doesn't last forever, but what you're about to do with this group will. it's a long road, but at the end of it is happiness, fortune, and abundance abound!!! hey, this is a lot more cheerful than the last one! yahoo!

(the future [from the transient light tarot], 10 of pentacles reversed, the hierophant, 3 of swords reversed, death reversed)

ploom the caterpillar・。.・゜✭

another spread about letting go!!! except this one feels more pertinent. well, let's be real, the last one was pretty dire, too... anyway. my little caterpillars, your cards are less about the past or future, and more about the present. in fact, only about the present! the 10 of wands shows that you've been shouldering too much on your back, likely relating to self consciousness, some sort of inability to say "no", and/or difficulty especially in regards to living in the moment. but here's the thing... you've gotta. the hanged man puts it clearly: in order to get what you want, this situation requires you completely let go of whatever it is you've been holding onto. whether that's how you're being perceived or otherwise, it must be shed. the hanged man is upside down, able to see the world from a completely different perspective. try to change how you see things. live in the present moment and see what you notice; what changes when you give your entire attention to what someone is saying? or the thing you're doing? is everything really as you thought it was after seeing it from this new perspective? however you need to enact this change, the time to strike is right fucking now, baby. the engines are revving and ready to GO!!! don't be scared, what happens next is destiny. o_<~✭

(8 of wands, the hanged man, 10 of wands, the present reversed [from the transient light tarot.])

desert rain frog・。.・゜✭

like those who picked pile 2, the time for movement is NOW, my little froggies! you must declare yourself openly!! you are blessed to have a good head on your shoulders, being intelligent and good at handling authority. however! moving forwards, you will need to learn how to temper this energy (knight of swords). sometimes, this can go too far, where unadulterated words can hurt someone, coming across as blunt. it's true that you do know a lot about the world, but you need to let there be space for others' observations and knowledge. you can't possibly know everything! after making this big declaration, or finding this missing piece of the puzzle, you will get to the heart of the matter, to sift between what is true, what is fake, and to learn what to say-- versus what to definitely not say. a useful asset later on will be using the energy of the queen of cups, which means you must react to others through compassion and kindness, and try to be in tune with their emotional undercurrents. easier said than done, right? however, with the use of your intuition and logic combined, it will be much easier to wade through this future situation. in the meantime, i'd use that talkative knight of swords energy to propel yourself towards... whatever it is you need to propel yourself towards. here's a tip, whenever i feel a lightness in my chest, i know the answer's yes, but a pit in my stomach, be expected to plummet!!!... or, um, "no" would be the answer for that one. good luck! im also getting that some (3?) of you have some sort of.. "telepathic bond." no idea what that means! good luck with that, too, though.

(8 of wands, knight of swords, ace of swords reversed, queen of cups reversed)

[skellys-selfships]

i've got a new crush and need to feed the fellow shark simps-

Chazwick Thurman x Reader relationship hc's (suggestive themes etc)

• Chaz is definitely the first one to make a move on you, he's not subtle about his feelings even if he tried to be

• PDA is his THING, he's gonna let everyone know that you're his, he's not letting go of your hand, he'll be kissing your forehead, cheeks, and hands at any chance he gets, sometimes reaching around to give your rear a playful slap

• he has zero shame, sometimes he'll be at your door in the dead of night in attempts to "serenade" you.....with the most sexually charged songs he could think of. the entire neighborhood hears it. good luck :)

• his lack of shame + undefeatable confidence rubs off on you in ways you never knew you needed

• don't be too hard yourself, you're his babe and he wouldn't choose less than perfect

• he's extremely funny and loud, what most see as obnoxious, makes you right at home with your own immature sense of humor, let loose, he enjoys it

• if you're goth?? if you're good at video games? he's DEFINITELY showing you off to all his social media followers because that's a win in his book, he goes nuts for the goths

• please let him win if you ever play video games with him, he's an ugly crier

• he takes fucking hours styling his hair every morning, he takes his hair very seriously

• he really wants to style your hair, especially if yours is longer or messy, he really could've been a hairdresser....

• he cannot fathom ever shutting up and really appreciates your patience, not that he openly says it, but he shows his appreciation in different ways ;) if you can keep up with how much he talks, he feels very special

• it's hard for him to take NO for an answer and is a massive baby if you deny him anything but quite frankly, it's adorable

• he's not the brightest bulb so be understanding he doesn't really pick up on big words or more technical things

• he really loves taking you out, especially to clubs and movies

• his biggest weakness is praise, if you compliment his hair or his tail in any way, he's all over you in an instant

• his tail is where he likes to cuddle with you the most after your guys' "fun time", his tail is strong and very smooth, wrapping it around you and holding you close becomes normal behavior quite quickly

• he snores and talks in his sleep a lot. A REAL LOT, but most of what he says is about you

• he hypes up how sexy his "battle scars" a lot but in reality he hates his scars, it means a lot when you reassure him that they look hot, or you kiss the scar on his face

• he assigns you MANY nicknames, the usual cutesy petnames and some....many could cringe at

• 1000% the type of man to call you his little "discord kitten" 💀💀💀

• he unashamedly will send you tik toks of him dancing to really cheesy love songs

• if he sees you wearing his clothes he's instantly all worked up, you look great in his clothes

• you may touch his hair.....but don't mess it up, if you do he pouts like a lost puppy

• he sings you all your favorite songs any time he has the chance

• don't call your parents in the same room as him, he'll walk up behind you and start making the loudest sexual noises right near the phone and burst out laughing his ass off

• he praises you from beginning to end, you're his pride and he sees the two of you as unstoppable

• his attention span his short, if you're trying to include him in your interests and he zones out, he's not uninterested at all, he just loses focus easily

• he cries really loud and messy at any kinda sad part of any movie you guys watch together, even if it's cheesy

• he buys you so many gifts, cute clothes especially, he loves spoiling his babe

• he has his moments of trying to be romantic but usually interrupts it with a really bad one liner

enjoy shark lovers <3 i'm trying to get back into writing and this himbo is FUELING ME

[mycatsaidwhat]

things i’ve heard english majors say pt. 16

-I need to print out my plot outlines single-sided because flipping them is driving me nuts, why can’t I shut the fuck up and write anything less than 42 chapters plus a 9 character pov epilogue 

-I don’t think I could ever be drunk enough to write a YA novel  

-I can’t ghost him, a character based on him is half of the story that I’m writing 

-me having to check if I’ve already used to word “immortally” in every nonfiction essay I’ve ever written 

-“it’s living too much outside the poem” just say its too vague or too ambiguous, you slut 

-mmm, the “always” kind of love. Tasty. 

-his father used to hit him and his favorite authors are all 19th century Russian men–of course he’s not a virgin

-nothing like bad movies that make me want to write 

-my face would look a lot more panicked if I was doing math right now 

-discussing serif typeface until i start internally bleeding 

-oh she said enjambment, she said utilizing white space 

-oh it ends with a period. That's a choice. 

-nothing more confusing than walking onto the bus on Thirsty Thursday while listening to the Downton Abbey theme 

-if anyone in the communications building sees me half bent over, clutching my head with both hands and slightly shaking, no you didn’t and this is actually pretty normal behavior 

-it was “best friend’s younger brother” but now it’s “my best friend’s younger bitchass playboy cousin who left me on delivered for 8 days and who I met exactly once and now I’m living near him because we hate the country we come from.” It’s called diversity. 

-I’m writing my poli sci essay

Sick, I’m writing the epilogue for book 3 when I haven’t finished book 1 or properly plotted book 2 

-literally no inconvenience is too small for me to lose my mind over 

-I don’t want to change the world, that sounds like a lot of work. But if I write something that inspires someone with a lot more initiative to change the world for me, that would be real great 

[sexiestpodcastcharacter]

Sexiest Podcast Character — Unscripted Bracket — Finals

Propaganda

Glenn Close (Dungeons & Daddies):

#Propaganda for Glenn Close: one of the other PCs mentions multiple times how hot he is #Actually several characters point it out but especially Henry #Also the only person in a podcast that has to put a disclaimer about not being a BDSM podcast to have had sex during the course of the show

Young hot rocker dilf

Loyal to his dead wife <3

Does in fact smoke weed

BARD!! HES A BARD. HE WAS LEAD GUITAR IN HIS BAND (that he was kicked out of)

His band was a Christmas cover band btw.

Literally the fandom had hot Glenn summer which consisted of drawing him being incredibly hot and sexy

Anti government (ofc)

Kind of cringefail (Disney adult) (was on dilfs of disneyland)

Young and sexy not your style? Then how about HIM AFTER YEARS LOCKED IN A TIME PRISON WITH A DAMN HANNIBAL MASK ??

Lost an eye and wears a fucking eyepatch

One incredibly buff arm

Has a pet rat named after his son <3

Immeasurable amounts of trauma in this man- becomes progressively more unhinged

OH OLD HUMAN BARD ISNT CUTTING IT? FINE

HE BECOMES A FUCKING DEMON

A COOL HOT ONE-EYED DEMON WHO WANTS TO KILL HIS DAD (also sexy)

HE CANONICALLY ENDS CHRISTIAN HELL VIA CHRISTMAS

IS ALSO WAY OVERLEVELED

Becomes a demon hunter for the rest of his existence

Also nonwhite !!! We are done with cringefail whiteboys !!!!!!!!!

I can’t put into words ok just know he is the best plz love him.

Okay but Glenn made a minivan cum by talking to her so

HE HAS A BOOK THAT HE MARKS X’S AND CHECKS FOR EVERY DAY TO SEE IF THAT DAY WAS A SUCCESS OR NOT. TO SEE IF HE DID GOOD THAT DAY. ITS ALMOST ENTIRELY X’S. HE WAS CUCKED OUT OF A SON. AND A DEAD WIFE. HE DIDN’T EVEN GET TO KILL HIS DAD IN REVENGE. There’s absolutely nothing going for him except his sex appeal in his life. Nobody he loved remembers him. He lost his eye. All he has is a pet rat and friends who admit they don’t really like him that much. He was kicked out of his own band. The band was named after him. He was kicked out of the Glenn Close trio. All he could do was deez nuts the big bad and be sexy. If nothing else, then pity him. Look in his eyes. Look at his heart and soul. He did not do the BDSM episode for this I’ll tell you what. Do this for my his sake. Do it for Nick Jr, who needs the prize money to pay for his rat snacks. Do it for his son. For Morgan. Ganbatte.

Glenn is the goofiest sexiest character there is and I will die on this hill! I will ride into battle for him! what Dndads created is truly unique and Glenn is a key part of that and for that he deserves to win. I said it before and I'll say it again - GLENN SWEEEEEP

Can we talk about how he says ‘baby’ casually? Like he just calls people that?? That’s HOT. THAT IS HOT!! He’s also bilingual and knows Japanese!!!! He’s a big dumb idiot with a lot of charisma!!!!!! HE WORKED AT A BDSM PLACE FOR TWO SEPARATE ONE SHOTS. HES SO SAD BUT PLAYS IT OFF LIKE HE’S CHILL ALL THE TIME!! HE DOESN’T THINK OF HIMSELF AS SINGLE BECAUSE HE DIDN’T DIVORCE HIS DEAD WIFE!!! He’s like.. the perfect guy. We need this win.

I’d also like to add the fact I made this. Which is the first 11 episodes edited to (almost) only have Glenn in them <3 which is a level of insanity I hope to reiterate. These took hours to make. I wouldn’t do that for anyone else.

vote Glenn I am asking with the biggest saddest eyes possible 🥺🥺🥺 he is so sexy it's pathetic and also so pathetic it's sexy, no I can not possibly adequately elaborate just trust me

Mod Note: While I will still take "bad dads are sexy" propaganda and "bad dads aren't sexy" anti-propaganda, I kindly request no more discussion on whether or not he was a bad father. This is a sexypoll, not a parentingpoll. If you see a post you strongly disagree with, you can just not reblog it.

Mod Note 2: This tournament is about fictional podcast characters. Please do not vote for the real actress Glenn Close.

Gable (Campaign: Skyjacks):

7ft tall silver-haired thembo of a fallen angel. was the literal sword of god until they killed him! reasons slightly unclear but probably sure to forbidden queer love! super caring for their friends. has one friend they have known for hundreds of years who they HATE but are bound to by the red string of fate. their sword is a part of them, they can sheathe it into a tattoo. they start out indistinct at the edges but as they have continued on through the campaign they have become more and more distinct. they became a flaming engine of justice to kill their friends shitheaded older brother who was following him. they have learned enough necromancy to allow other fallen angels to die, even though they typically cannot. they fly giant birds in to battle.

7ft tall beefcake wielding a sword as tall as they are. vengeful sweetheart

Imagine now: a fallen angel with beautiful gray hair and very big muscles. Now imagine them with a 9 ft sword. Now imagine them as a helmsperson of a pirate ship in a flowy deep-v pirate shirt. Now imagine they're dumb as a fucking rock. And finally, imagine that they killed god. Here, you have made Gable Skyjacks: sexiest podcast character of all time.

7ft tall nonbinary/genderfluid thembo fallen angel sky pirate who wields a buster sword. silvergrey hair with black/gold streaks as they regain feathers/memories of before their fall. back is covered in tattoos that hide the scars of their shredded off wings. killed God. toxic exes with lucifer. they are the keeper of several giant war birds who occasionally crave human flesh. they enjoy getting rowdy/smoking rope with their boys. they collect rocks that they think are neat. When anyone admits they are attracted to them, Gable trips over their words and absolutely swaglessly ends up sounding stupider and sexier by the end of the conversation; the will they/won't they and teasing they dish out to these (un?)lucky few is palpable. Sometimes the buster sword is on fire. They are immortal, they are cringe, they are trying to atone because they believe they are the reason the world is ruined.

Okay so aside from all of the above (giant with a matching giant flaming sword, killed god, extreme dumbass), here's some more propaganda for Gable the Godkiller.

They've escaped death multiple times with their partner in... crime? Like literally they were about to be executed in the most brutal way possible and just. Escaped and killed all their captors in the snowy wastelands.

They are the helmsperson of the Uhuru and take this job very seriously and definitely haven't left it to Bowser (you know, like from Mario) multiple times. Can steer that flying ship in horrible weather and still make it to port safely.

Healed an entire fucking hospital by cutting their hair for someone they had the hots for who was also in the hospital. Imagine being on that level of myth making in some random port city because of a hair cut.

Giant bird caretaker and also took the giant birds out on their friend's bachelor party (this was like. his Xth polyamorous marriage at this point btw) and had a fucking blast getting high on some rope and fucking around. They've also flown these birds into combat and looked cool as hell doing it (see: killing their friend's shithead of an older brother in a joust).

Had a relationship with Lucifer the Morning Star before they fell as an angel and killed God. Literally the reason the stars fell was their love for each other. The world would not look the same without Gable and they are, at the very least indirectly responsible for the creation of the Church of the Slain God and everything it represents (fantasy Catholicism).

And also yeah they are regularly tripping over themself and saying very silly things. 10/10 character we love Liz Anderson and Gable in this house

I am seeing people say that this Nicky fellow is basically trans! That's very cool! Gable is actually trans. Pronouns they/them/any presentation whatever they feel like.

Gable held a bachelor party for a BFF where the attendees hunted from their sky birds, wore dresses, and still managed to keep their eyeliner on point!

Gable killed God because he wouldn't let them be queer. They should rightfully crush anyone in their path.

We are finally going up against a character I know. I can confidently say all sexy moments with Gable are much sexier than TAZ's largely off-screen romances. Mod Note: This was written during the poll versus Killian Fangbattle.

But seriously. Listen to Gable's most recent introduction. Unparalleled sexy thembo introduction! Context: The Captain's Council is at a magical tattoo/piercing parlor (which has a lengthy form and disclosure process), trying to stay below the radar, and the Captain and Jonnit are pretending to be father/son to keep up the ruse. And to let Jonnit get a tattoo, since he's technically sort of underage. Bonus: Gable's decision at the tattoo/piercing parlor and noping out of Orimar and Jonnit's acting. (You should check out the full episode! Episode 197 starts a new arc and a good point to step into the series!)

Nicky Close (Dungeons & Daddies):

One armed half-demon man with a sword (also a Dedicated, Involved, Loving Father). (Specifically campaign 2, where he is an adult)

Transmasc bisexual (or at least so widely accepted as such it's basically canon) dilf half-demon let's start with the basics

And by half-demon I mean the literal prince of Hell

But also simultaneously is Saint Nicolas get you a man who can do both specifically this man

Missing an arm cause his ex-friends tragically betrayed him and shot it off but he doesn't need two arms to show you a good time wink wink ;)

The betrayal in question forced him to be seperated from his also hot milf voice actress wife and their son which is sad but in like a way that makes him sexier

Uses his one hand to wield a flaming katana that he used to rescue his son from the FBI

Protects his family with his life very literally which is hot as hell

Big himbo energy couldn't come up with a good plan if he used 100% of his brain

When he does fail at things it's pretty cute honestly

Definitely played a variety of musical instruments before the whole arm thing happened! Maybe he still does idk he's a sexy mystery

2 in 1 deal! This man was born from the merging of two timelines! Kinda sick!!! Also two dads = twice the daddy issues

You'd think the whole being forcibly split from his family thing would mean he isn't very close with his son but nope! His son adores him! They get along great!!!

His mom is simultaneously alive and dead

His mom bagged fucking two different dudes (one of whom FOUND HER DEAD in a different timeline, both of which are demons)

HIS MOMS NAME IS MORGAN FREEMAN, HIS DAD’S NAME IS GLENN CLOSE, AND HIS OTHER DAD’S NAME IS JODIE FOSTER, AND HIS GREAT SOMETHING GRANDFATHER’S NAME IS MERYL STREEP

HIS SONS NAME IS TAYLOR SWIFT

Lifelong pot smoker 👍 (plus drug flower user!!)

CANONICALLY BOTH A POLO WEARER (and yes, has all the stereotypes of that attached with it — a nerd, which is hot) AND A LEATHER JACKET WEARER (which also has all the stereotypes attached with it — a rebel dude person, which is also hot) [<- all widely accepted as canon by the fandom even as he’s older]

A part of the SECOND BIGGEST ship of season two, (Nark) despite the two characters only having one-two canon interactions (one of which JUST happened last episode)

Man’s a himbo what’s hotter than that

So many fucking names. You try to tag him in anything and he takes up half the space. That’s probably hot. For someone out there

This was already mentioned but so very very trans. Like. It’s basically canon

Rock and roll(er)

Joined a group of thieves called the watermice when he was like 13

for a few minutes had a guitar called the Battle Axe of Hatred

definitely had an frienimies with benefits relationship with his childhood friend Lark (sorry ppl that don’t ship nark lol) (it’s canon after ep 44 hah)

Nicky also acts like his sons Pokémon! Taylor tells his dad to do things, and Nicky does it without thinking about anything else he could do!

I feel like the audio of the entire Nick-breaking-into-the-FBI scene should be propaganda, but I'm copying select bits from the transcript:

Anthony: Yeah, it kind of echoes up through the vent, like the beginning of Metal Gear Solid. You hear a voice that strikes you as ever so slightly familiar, Taylor. Saying—  ??: [a deep voice] [echoing in the vent] Where is he?  Anthony: You hear—  Will: Uh-oh, he’s hot.  Anthony: —a bunch of shouting voices.  [giggles]  Beth: Uh-oh! Anthony: You hear a bunch of shouting voices and people shouting for him to get down on the ground to turn off his flame. To fucking get his hands behind his back. You hear this rhythmic stepping forward— because his footsteps don't sound like anybody else's because it's almost like… y’know when you toss a little bit of water onto a really hot pan and it just sizzles like that? It's like every footstep he's taking, you can hear that— Freddie: Cool  Anthony: — and you can feel some of that heat coming up in this vent, even though you can't see him at this point. And he goes—  ??: [echoing] Where. Is. My. Boy? Anthony: You hear the FBI agent—the FBI in quotation marks agent—in the back going like—  Agent: [echoing] He's safe for now. If you want to go ahead and make sure that he stays that way, you feel free to go ahead and step inside the suite that we've prepared for you, my boy. Anthony: And you hear the hot guy voice saying—  [chuckles]  The Hot Guy: [echoing] I don't think that's going to happen.

...

[a powerful rush of air builds] Anthony: You hear—  [gunfire, and the air rush culminates in a burst of flame; from underneath the fire, metal music starts playing] Anthony: —plumes of flame exploding.  [a person’s pained shout, gunfire and bursts of flame continue]  Anthony: You can feel the heat radiating through this metal vent and it's actually beginning to hurt and burn your hands.

...

Anthony: And you hear blood—  [sizzling]  Anthony: —hitting the fucking ground and you hear sizzling and things boiling and burning. Taylor: That could just be coffee! That could just be coffee. Link, let's go. Anthony: And you are getting closer and closer to the elevator. And you hear that same hot voice say—  The Hot Guy: [echoing] Where the hell is Taylor?

Gable and Nicky Together:

We are on a joint ticket now! This is a truly unbeatable combo. Not even god can nerf it because Gable killed him. Vote for us. Nicky Close will watch your stuff and play with your cats while Gable gives you the night of your life.

Gable and Nicky can literally be yuor angle or ur bevil.

Art of Gable and Nicky from @slightlyhopefulromantic.

[katherinecrighton]

Nuts and Bolts: Thoughts on Plotting

(Reposting a 2013 post from the Anna Katherine co-tumblr)

Here, have some really straightforward, practical thoughts about plots and plotting. Of which I have way too many, btw.

(Previous nuts and bolts caveats apply, naturally. Assume I have so many thoughts about this stuff because I’ve fucked it up pretty often.)

::::

1. A short story is a single idea, examined or played out. (Movies are also short stories. This is why turning books into movies leads to tears.) Figure out what your “idea” is – or the goal of your story, or the point you’re trying to make, whichever terminology floats your boat – and aim toward that without wavering.

2. Your plot and your characters go hand in hand. They inform each other – if you have one, you have the other. It’s one of the ways that storytelling is the least like real life. The entire plot might as well be a metaphor for whatever issues are going on in the characters lives – but once you realize that, you can use that fact to reverse-engineer your characters or your plot if you’re stuck without one or the other.

3. Frequently problems with plots are just problems with structure. Go find your favorite book (or rather, your favorite book that is most like the kind of book that you’re trying to write) and break it down, section by section, until you’ve got something really basic like “meet-cute” and “things go bad” and shit like that. Then see if you can’t just drape your plot right on over that structure like a brand new Sunday suit.

4. It’s okay to borrow structures. It’s okay to borrow stories, for that matter. Plots can come from a lot of places. “Write what you know” clearly meant “steal every anecdote in England” to Chaucer, and he became the father of English literature, so. 

5. Middle sections of books are terrible. They just are. Everyone wants to give up. This is the number one reason to have an outline or at least a game plan, oh my god. You want to see some hope of a way out, because the middle of a book lasts twice as long as the end of infinity.

6. To that end, once I’ve got some characters and a vague idea of what I want to do with them, I like to put together a list of “adventures”. It’s just stuff I’d like them to do during the course of the story. Sex scenes, car chases, dress fittings, amusing adventures with food, anything like that. Just stuff that I think would be fun to write, and that I know I will need to fill the endless fucking wasteland of the middle of the book.

7. (Those adventures? Should reflect the issues of the characters. Because characters and plots are the same thing. See point 2.)

8. For short stories, have an end point to aim toward, along with a general emotional zone to wallow in. I had a short story whose working title was literally “and then somehow, making out,” which was indeed the end point I was aiming at. The emotional zone I wanted to stay in was fairly light with some emotional dips into heavy stuff for contrast. But mostly what it said on the tin.

9. For books, writing the last scene right at the start of your process is sometimes nice, because it gives you a sort of mark to aim for. (You can always rewrite it later.)

10. Try to capture some really vivid mental pictures of strong scenes. Add those to your “adventure” list, or, better, just write them down. It doesn’t have to be perfect – if you want, just bro it out like you’re describing your favorite badass robot move from Pacific Rim to someone who’s never seen it. At that point there are barely any characters, there’s just the broad sweeps of movement across the page.

+1. Remember: You are the god-king of the book. If worse comes to worst, have a plague of shrews suddenly appear and make your characters deal with it. You can do anything! If you don’t know what to do, do anything. It’s better than doing nothing, and frankly, if it doesn’t work, at least you’ll have written something. You can always delete it tomorrow.

+2. No, seriously, I was writing a book and I could tell there needed to be some kind of big turn in the narrative (because of structure!), and I couldn’t think of what, so I literally wrote down a list of random shit I could make happen to the characters. Just because I could. That list included:

set house on fire airplane explosion hunting accident heatstroke

I was willing to set a house on fire, possibly by having a plane explode on it, just to get my characters doing something for another twenty pages. And the best part was: All I had to do was write the consequences, and add some foreshadowing, and I’d get away scot-free. The perfect crime. GOD-KING, Y'ALL.