#But also if you ask me my favourite poem what comes out is

[vergess]

Literally someone else's anon asking the most casual conceivable question: Everyone should have a favorite poet!!

My social anxiety for no reason whatsoever: OH GOD OH NO WE WERE SUPPOSED TO CARE THAT MUCH OH NO WE CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE WORDS TO OUR FAVOURITE POEM AND IT'S A FUCKING HAIKU WE'RE GOING TO DIE

[ghostofwriting]

Kildare Split Part Two: Place In Me

Rafe Cameron x Reader

Chapter 2: Place In Me

Note: Me: I don't know when I'll post chapter 2 maybe on the weekend but who knows. Also me: posts 3 hours after saying that. Once again I wanted to thank everyone for reading and interacting! I appreciate all of you so much. Not edited so be warned. I confused everyone with part 21 and this doesn't provide any answers! Just more context for other parts of the smau. Enjoy!

Warnings: none, bad writing, Rafe being mean, y/n being mean

Word Count: 3,371

Synopsis: Everyone has noticed that there's been a shift in how Kildare Split acts around each other. Rafe and Y/N used to be so close, they were always pictured together, and always shared stories of each other and for the last few years, there has been nothing from them. A behind-the-scenes look at what went down between everyone's favourite band.

She thought that she made herself clear and that they understood where she was coming from after her speech in the green room.

She’s not expecting Barry to be sitting on the couch of the tour bus she had chosen to sleep in, her hair sticking to her sweaty forehead from her run, slightly out of breath. 

When she opens the door and sees him sitting there, she jumps.

“Fuck, Barry what the hell?” Barry had a very specific regime for show days. He should’ve been napping on the other bus.

“We can’t go on hiatus. You’re being selfish.” She feels her ears start burning, she scoffs at him. 

“Selfish? You better be kidding me. The audacity of you to come in here and accuse me of being selfish?”

“Y-” She doesn’t let him continue.

“I have put up with this bullshit for two years, Barry! Just because I’m tired and need a break doesn’t make me selfish.”

“If you would just talk to him.”

“No. Fuck you. No.”

“If you talk to him, and he explains himself, you’ll understand and this can all go back to normal.”

“No. I will not fix this. I don’t need to fix this.”

“What happened to be there for each other?”

“Barry. You and Topper were supposed to be there for me!” She snaps, her voice rising.

“You were the only people who knew exactly what I was going through not only with Rafe but with the fame and the drugs and the people wanting things from me. You were going through it too, I know you were. But you abandoned me the second Rafe decided to what? Get in a relationship? You threw me away, I was so alone!” 

Tears are threatening to spill over now. She hates how she can’t get angry without crying. 

“I went through everything by myself and the people I thought were my best friends abandoned me. I get it okay. You chose your boy. But I thought I meant something to you. I thought I was your friend. He broke my heart and my spirit.” She stops to catch her breath, “I was a shell of a person and you still didn’t even ask me if I was okay. In two years you haven't checked in.”

“y/n..”

“He told me he didn’t want to live without me and the next day I found out he was seeing Sofia. And suddenly I wasn’t his friend or his bandmate or even a person. I was just someone he fucked. And I don’t care why he said that. I don’t care if he meant it or not or if he was lost and scared. He still said it. I’m done. I’m done with him, I’m done with this Los Angeles, I’m done. I don’t owe him anything. I don’t need to talk to him.” She finishes her chest heaving. Barry is staring at her, eyes wide.

“What does that mean?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll stay in the band. But it’s work. That’s all. We aren’t friends.” 

Barry’s silent. Still sitting on the bus couch. 

“Get out. Please.” 

+++

The early days of getting over Rafe were hard. She wanted to go back to who she was before him. The version of herself before she got involved with him. Journaling and writing song lyrics and poems could only do so much. Everyone told her that she needed someone else. She understood that but she didn’t feel like it. She wasn’t ready to get her heartbroken all over again. 

Not when she constantly got her heart broken on tour, not only when she saw Rafe making out with Sofia backstage but when Barry walked right by her without acknowledging her existence, or when Topper pretended not to hear her. Her heart cracked every time for the little girl who trusted these boys with her entire being and let them in only for them to stomp all over her. 

She spent endless nights on tour, alone in her hotel room crying at the top of her lungs and on the tour bus muffling the sound of her sobs with her pillow. So when people suggested she needed to meet someone to get over him, well, it didn’t sound like a good idea to just let someone else in to break her even more when they eventually left. 

It got better little by little, the heartache over her friends hating her. The heartbreak over Rafe choosing someone who wasn’t her, someone who was worth it. The loneliness never did. It was crippling how alone she felt. There were times when she wanted to go back to the drugs, drinking, and partying. She would feel so much better if she just couldn’t feel anymore. She didn’t go back on the promise that she made to herself. She would never be that afraid high out of her mind 17-year-old girl again. 

She isn’t sure if she gets over Rafe or if she learned to live with the pain. Sometimes she thinks she’s so angry at him and that’s the reason she doesn’t want him. She misses him all the time, she thinks she’ll miss him forever. At least who they were before they had sex and fucked it all up. 

She lets everyone know that when the time comes she’ll make them all aware. Cleo tells her that she better be the first one who finds out she’s seeing someone. She tells her that she wouldn’t have it any other way.

The day she met him was one of the most ordinary days she had lived in her entire life. She had woken up in her Los Angeles apartment, made herself breakfast, gone for a swim and gotten ready for the day. She didn’t have anything planned for the day, maybe tidy up a little, call Sarah, and run some errands. The craving to make brownies hits her out of nowhere, she doesn’t have any of the ingredients at her house though, the life of a touring artist. 

She’s leaving the grocery store with her reusable bags filled to the brim with all her cravings. She’s digging in her tiny pink purse that can’t hold anything for her keys when she drops two of her bags. 

She doesn’t want to get angry when she sees everything fall, she stares at it for a second, takes a deep breath and moves to pick it up. Once she gets everything together and packed up in her car, she decides that she needs a little treat for putting up with her groceries falling.

Her favorite pastry spot in LA is right by a hotel where all the celebrities who don’t live in the city full time. It’s usually a curse because everyone is hanging out or camping outside the hotel for a small glimpse of someone famous.

She thanks Caroline, the bakery owner and steps out of the store without looking at where she’s going. She feels herself collide into something strong and hard. Someone. Her pastries shake in the box. Of course, this would happen too. Why can’t she just keep herself from dropping her food today?

“I am so sorry.” She says to the man standing in front of her. He’s pretty, she thinks. Dark brown hair, almost black, brown eyes that look very familiar, and strong, and his arms are bulging where his black shirt sleeve ends. He’s hot. 

“Don’t worry, you’re fine.” She hears his friend behind say something in a different language and the man in front of her shakes his head and smiles at her. 

“Are they making fun of me for being a klutz?” He laughs. 

“No, they think it’s funny that I would run into my celebrity crush. Literally.” Any other time, if someone confessed that she was their celebrity crush, she would run so far so fast. Something keeps her there, smiling like an idiot, at a loss for words. She says the first thing that pops into her head.

“Have we met? You look familiar.” She feels like she’s seen him somewhere but she can’t place him. 

“Mira que te ha visto a través de la ventana.” one of his friends says, he shushes him not even turning to look. 

“I’m an actor?” He says it like a question, his cheeks flush, and he’s embarrassed. It’s endearing. 

“Yeah? Have I seen anything you’ve been in?” 

“I doubt it.” 

“So as your celebrity crush, it seems that I have a responsibility to watch whatever you’ve been in, don't you think?”

“No way.” He smiles at his friends doing a quiet chant of something behind him.

“No? Not even if you join me and walk me through it?” She knows she’s giving him eyes now, looking at him through her eyelashes, fluttering her eyelids a little too much. Her resolve is gone, she doesn’t know where her confidence is coming from and she’s going to use it until it’s gone. 

“We could arrange that,” he pauses, “Julio.” He extends his hand out for her to shake. 

“Y/N.” and maybe when she takes his hand she feels a shock run up her arm. 

Maybe she’s being dramatic and jumping the gun but what if everything she’s been through led her to this moment? Right here with him. 

+++

When Rafe finds out Y/N is seeing someone he tries not to lose it. He knows he has no right. His palms start sweating. He feels his breath shorten, he’s honestly a mess though he doesn’t show it. 

At least not until Topper pushes him on the subject when they’re left alone. 

“She’s seeing someone.” The room is eerily quiet, they’re in the studio recording their second album. Y/N had gone off to probably call her boyfriend and Barry was off doing who knows who.

“Yeah.” He’s short with his answer, scrolling on his phone to distract himself from the ever-intrusive thoughts of her her her. 

“You good?” No. No, of course he’s not good.

“I have Sofia.” Topper clears his throat and continues his torture on him. 

“Doesn’t answer my question.” 

“Yeah.” He looks over at Topper, his eyebrows lifting in acknowledgement.

They stay quiet for a few more minutes, the questions and thoughts and everything eating at him.

“Who’s the guy?” The question forces its way out of his mouth. He doesn’t want to know anything about the man that holds her heart.

“Some actor,” Topper responds nonchalantly, looking at him like he’s going to blow up if he moves anymore.

“Cool.” He wants to claw his heart out. What the fuck is happening to him right now.

“Rafe.” Topper isn’t convinced that it’s cool at all. Because Rafe can lie to everyone in his life but not Topper.

“No yeah, that’s cool. It’s great, yeah, good for her.” He knows he still doesn’t sound convincing.

“What are you going to do about it?”

“Let her be happy.” He’s going to be mature about this. He asked Sofia to marry him last year for god sake. If he gets to be happy, she does too. Is he happy?

“Rafe.” Fucking Topper and his questions.

“I’ve fucked her life up enough. She deserves this. Deserves someone.” It spills out of him again, his eyes meeting with Topper’s, begging him to stop. 

“Do you ever miss her?” Topper’s not showing him any mercy today, wanting to know everything he’s kept inside for the past two years.

“More than anything.”

“You fucked up” understatement of his life. He ruined her and in turn, ruined himself. He was stupid and selfish and he deserved the worst.

“Yeah.”

+++

“You have to apologize to her.” Rafe’s once again fiddling with his guitar. The arena is empty except for the techs playing with lightingThe stage had been set up the night before. Y/N was with Sarah exploring the city before she had to be back for soundcheck. Barry was taking a nap and Topper was being a pain in his ass. He tweeted some bullshit at him and Rafe had called him back to talk.

“I don’t have to do anything, she’s leaving.”

“Yeah because of you. Because of what you did to her.”

“I seem to remember that you were included in isolating her.”

“That only happened because she was so hurt she pushed everyone away and I thought I would make it worse by forcing her to talk. Anyway, that’s between y/n and I. You need to take responsibility, Rafe.”

“For what? It wasn’t my fault I didn’t love her.”

“Oh fuck off Rafe. You loved her. You were just scared.”

“Of course I was scared! It could’ve ruined everything. The band, our careers.”

“You shouldn’t have ever gotten involved.”

“I couldn’t help it!” He closes his eyes, doing the breathing exercises they taught him in rehab, in therapy. 

“Please, just talk to her.” 

“She doesn’t want to hear it.”

“You have to try!’

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“You won’t understand.”

“Try me.”

“Because I’m engaged. I’m with Sofia and I’m happy and if,” he breathes “if y/n were to even give me the slightest greenlight I would burn my whole relationship to the ground. Her whole relationship.” He says the last part under his breath, hoping Topper doesn’t hear it.

“What the fuck, Rafe?”

“I know.”

“Why now?”

“I did and said some shit back then to not fuck up the band. It was wrong, stupid and childish. It’s not a question of ‘why now,’ I never stopped.”

“You still love her.” Rafe doesn’t confirm or deny it. Topper shakes his head. 

“You need to apologize.” Topper leaves Rafe to strum his guitar in thought. 

+++

Everything changes when he comes into her life. It’s like she was living in this deep black hole of anger, sadness, and endless turmoil. He’s her calm. He grounds her and she feels like she can finally breathe. She hasn’t felt wanted in such a long time and even though they are long distance most of the time between his film schedule and her tours, she has never felt alone since meeting him. 

She has a video from him every time she wakes up in the morning. Sometimes it’s just him telling her something that happened to him during the day, or a funny story, and sometimes he sings. She wishes she could drop an album just to feature him on it. She wants the entire world to know that he’s hers and she’s his and she is so incredibly in love. 

It’s scary going from such a low to such a high. The extreme contrast is intimidating at times but she wouldn’t have it any other way. She learned what she wanted in a relationship from an extremely difficult situation and somehow it was all worth it as long as she got to have him in her life. 

They’re together for a year before it gets out. They chose to be private about their relationship, it’s easy when he’s halfway across the world most of the time. That doesn’t stop her from spending every single moment that she isn’t on tour or in the studio next to him in Spain, Italy, France. She loves him. She would do anything for him. She knew that he was the one three weeks into their relationship and when she told him and he told her he felt the same, it confirmed it.

It’s her fault it gets out, he said it was about time and he wasn’t mad about it at all. 

Sometimes she still finds that deep-seated anger she holds for Rafe bubbling over. It’s all-consuming and she can’t stop the venom that leaves her body.

When Rafe’s engagement gets out, she and Julio step out on a date night. Cleo calls the paparazzi for her. It’s a great plan until everyone is freaking out because they’re convinced she and Rafe were dating this entire time.

She loves her fans but sometimes the theories and threads get a little too much. Mostly because they’re correct most of the time. 

At first, she was scared of Julio seeing all those things and seeing how everyone wanted her and Rafe to get married. She was scared he was going to run away. It never seemed to faze him. He never not once doubted her. He understands how people get and believes her when she tells him she chooses him for the rest of forever.

+++

Topper’s words haunt him. He wants to apologize to her and give her and himself some form of closure. He doesn’t know how to approach it. They haven’t talked in years, not really. How does he talk to the person that he hurt so much?

He catches her after soundcheck one day, his wringing his hands together, riddled with anxiety. 

“Hey, Y/N?” He calls out after her as she passes him.

She slowly turns around and crosses her arms, raising her eyebrows at him in surprise. 

“What can I do for you?”

He gulps as she looks at him expectantly.

“I was wondering if you had listened to the album?” What? Why the hell did he open with that?

“Why would I listen to the album?” She asks incredulously 

“Well, because I mean it’s about,” he stumbles over his words, “I just wish you would listen to it and maybe hear me out.”

“You want me to listen to your album so that I can hear you?” She nods her head and puckers her lips. 

 “It’s so stupid that after all these years you can’t apologize to my face so you what? Make an album? Is your apology hidden in there somewhere?” 

“Yes-No, I just think that if you gave it a chance, we could talk about it.”

“You want me to pretend to give a shit about your album when you can’t tell me how you feel right now in person?” She’s laughing a little now. Shocked at his suggestion. He wants the ground to swallow him whole.

“Please, can you just listen?” 

“No Rafe. I am so done with this. I have been done with this. I don’t care about your album, I don't care about you.” Her words hit him like knives in his heart.

“Why do you care about my opinion about your album? Do you think I’m stupid? Do you think I don’t know that your album is about me? You called it Angel, Rafe! The fucking nickname that you gave me when we were 12 years old! I’m not some dumb girl who you can just manipulate and get whatever you want out of her. Not anymore. I am not that person for you.” She stops, her hands coming down from where she was waving them. He wants to say something but his mouth is dry and he has a ball the size of a grapefruit stuck in his throat.

“You made it incredibly clear to me that you don’t think of me as a person. Like- what did you say to me? That I’m just a fuck?” He grimaces when she throws his words from three years ago back at him. 

“Yeah, you said I’m just some girl you fuck, ‘you’re just some girl I fuck I don’t care about you.’ Sound about right?” He can’t move. He’s frozen.

“You could have worded it a million different ways and still gotten your message across. You could have been so much nicer. Let me down easy. Let me know in a better way that you found someone that you wanted to get to know. I would’ve put everything aside and just been your friend but no, you decided that I meant nothing to you, that everything we had been through, everything we had built, Our friendship was not important to you.”

 “Because I’m just someone you fucked. So, Don’t worry about me, don’t worry about my opinion because you’re just someone I fucked too and someone that I no longer care about. You are just my bandmate. You are just a coworker, I don’t think of you. I’m done with you. Keep your album. Good luck.”

He was so fucked. It would be a miracle if he ever got her to forgive him.

[hedgehog-moss]

Loved your mentioning of learning poetry by heart: this is something I haven’t done since school! What are some of your favs that you’d suggest to ease my brain back into it?

(Française ici donc les options 🇫🇷 autant que anglais sont welcome :) merci!)

Hi :) You can look at the poem tag of my quote blog if you want—some of the ones I've learnt by heart (or excerpts from them) include this one by Sara Teasdale - Nanao Sakaki - Velimir Khlebnikov - Wallace Stevens - Rabindranath Tagore - Archibald Macleish - Howard Nemerov - and these paragraphs by Henri Peña-Ruiz which I consider prose poetry... My favourite French verses (from Corneille, Aragon, Anna de Noailles, Hugo, Valéry...) are all alexandrines and I find it to be the easiest type of verse to remember, as the structure is so rigorous and consistent. I sometimes translate English poems into alexandrines (like this one) to make them easier to learn in this more familiar form—I think even after all this time English prosody still feels foreign to me; the patterns of sound and rhythm in French are more deeply embedded in my brain so it can more easily predict what comes next...

Re: easing your brain into it, I guess that depends on your style of learning? For me the best way to learn a text is to spend time with it in written form, be it by translating it, or by writing it down by hand (slowly) and then (sometimes) keeping it for a while in a place where I often stand idle, like taped to my microwave so I re-read it as I wait 1 minute for something to heat up.

One thing I like about learning poems is that it's a costless, always-accessible way to get a sense of personal accomplishment. Beyond that, I've got three categories of poems I like to learn for different reasons—I'll go into some detail in case it can help you figure out what you're after :)

1. Classic poetry, because it's just fun to have little snippets of ancient tragedies or epic Victor Hugo poems living at the back of your mind and accompanying you through your own everyday tragedies—as an overdramatic person who tends to feel devastated or exasperated over tiny stuff, it helps me to take some distance from my feelings. Like if I spill a bucket of manure on my boots and my first reaction is rage and despair and my second thought is a couple of verses by Euripides where Iphigenia bemoans her relentless fate, it's a way to make fun of (and get over) myself.

My grandmother did this a lot, she knew so many poems by heart and often used them ironically. If I went whining to her when I was little she'd recite to me the last few verses of Alfred de Vigny's La Mort du Loup (it sounds better in the original but):

[...] With all your being you must strive To that highest degree of stoic pride [...] Weeping or praying—all this is in vain. You must instead shoulder your long and heavy task In the way that Destiny has seen fit to ask Then suffer and die without complaint.

(Let me tell you, that's just what a five-year-old wants to hear after scratching her knee at the park) But really I admired this treasury of poetry she carried within her, especially as she only went to school until age 14 and came upon most of it thanks to her own curiosity; as well as the way she used it playfully in everyday life, using dramatic classical verse to de-dramatise minor annoyances.

2. Nature poems are great in the opposite way, to magnify minor positive things :) Like seeing a fox and having a few lines by Mary Oliver come to mind, seeing a frog and thinking of that Basho haiku... I recently discovered Jean-Michel Maulpoix and I also love his nature poems, like 'The recovery of blue after a downpour', the way he describes snow melting in the spring, or golden-blue evenings:

[Snow] takes some time to leave, but delicately. She doesn’t insist, hardly persists, never roots… She gives way. No one else dies so merrily With such good humour Unmatched is her disdain for eternity…

L’azur, certains soirs, a des soins de vieil or. Le paysage est une icône. Il semble qu’au soleil couchant, le ciel qui se craquelle se reprenne un instant à croire à son bleu.

3. And then there are the poems that proudly serve no purpose. <3 I mean beyond distilling language in a beautiful way. No deep meaning—or no meaning at all, e.g. surrealist poetry. I learnt this passage from Les Champs magnétiques back in middle school:

La fenêtre creusée dans notre chair s'ouvre sur notre cœur. On y voit un immense lac où viennent se poser à midi des libellules mordorées et odorantes comme des pivoines. Quel est ce grand arbre où les animaux vont se regarder ? Il y a des siècles que nous lui versons à boire. . . Prisonniers des gouttes d'eau, nous ne sommes que des animaux perpétuels. . . Nous ne savons plus rien des astres morts ; nous regardons les visages. . . Quelquefois, le vent nous entoure de ses grandes mains froides et nous attache aux arbres découpés par le soleil.

—and I've often recited it to myself just to enjoy these gratuitously nice sentences that aren't here to deliver information. Like Kay Ryan said, "Poetry makes nothing happen. That's the relief of it." It's a nice break, a way to remember that communicating isn't all language is for; beyond the social dimension there's also an intimate one that relies on our own aesthetic sensitivity. Most of the time we look through language, to access ideas, meanwhile enjoying poetry means looking at language, for a change, appreciating it for itself.

I just realised I'm paraphrasing John Brehm here—in The Poetry of Impermanence he wrote something that can be read as an ode to learning things by heart:

When you read lines that seem especially lit up—that move or intrigue you in some way, or that are simply pleasing or even dazzling—don’t focus on being able to formulate a statement about what they might mean, as if you might be called upon to explain the poem, to yourself or to someone else. Just linger with those poems or passages that resonate with you. . . Rest your mind on them; let them live inside you.

[simmyfrobby]

Being a bitch about the leafs getting a dewey is immature. Sadposting and making little edits about how awful Toronto is? Fuck off. Just because your team cant make the playoffs dont blame the teams that can. We will love him on the leafs. Get over yourself.

okay so i normally delete these kinda asks without bothering w a reply because i honestly think they’re kind of tiresome & because i know you’re just being a fan and if i can forgive wild fans for being unreasonable about their team i then i can forgive leafs fans for it too. 

with that said: braindead take.

just. stupid. so stupid, in fact, that i will write a reply because i think it genuinely might make me feel a little better. 

okay so lets start right at the end. WHY should i get over the fact that a player i like is no longer on my team. why should it matter that you’ll love him. my team was sold of in little bits to teams i either don’t care about or actively root against. 

that?? sucks?? 

i care about my team. i want my team to win. i want my favourite players to stay on my team and when they don’t that’s upsetting. this is not a revolutionary concept.

also the way it all played out was kinda shitty. i knew we would likely lose duhaime, but after losing pat i thought we would maybe get to keep dewar. and when the deadline passed i thought we were ok. hell, even connor thought he was safe. and that he would get to stay with his friends. and then it turns out we lost him at the last second. and that’s fucking gutting. 

“we will love him in toronto” ok. even if that is true, my favourite toy was taken away and given to some other kid. i don’t care whether or not they’re happy to have him. i didn’t want to give him away. were you happy for the canes when bunting went there instead of coming back to the leafs??? no because that’s not how this works. i don’t want good things for the leafs i want good things for my team. i don’t want other teams to win i want my team to win

and that’s allowed.

encouraged even.

“sadposting and making little edits” ok this is fair and accurate and i might make it my blog title if you don’t mind. it is funny to me that you interpret that poem as being about how much the leafs suck and not about?? how being traded suddenly?? and your best friend being traded away?? sucks??? poems are funny things and don’t say anything definitively, so you are allowed to interpret it however you like, but i haven’t gotten any angry avs fans in my inbox yelling about my "duhaime sadposts"?

but ok! directors note & something worth keeping in the back of your mind when interacting w this edit and also all other dewar edits: 

This is not!!! About you!!! 

i am not trying to hurt your feelings!! i do not care about your team!! for the love of god please just unfollow my blog.

also. and this is pedantic but i want to say it because its been bothering me. you don’t get “A Dewey”, you get Connor Dewar. the deweys were a matched set and without duhaime on the same team what does that even matter. you don’t get “dewey 2” you get Connor Dewar. congrats! that's great! he’s wonderful. please treat him nice etc etc.

being a bitch about the leafs is immature and i will do a better job of tagging my anti-leafs posts from now on. ill even tag all of my dewey poems as anti leafs if they're this upsetting to you.

one final thing: the wild not making the playoffs is very much the fault of other teams and i absolutely could blame other teams for it. theyre better and they beat us and now we might not make the playoffs. again: that's how this works. i get your point though, its not the leafs´ fault the wild have been miserable this season but i reserve the right to dislike them either way :)

congrats on the cute little guy. i will miss him very much. and again: PLEASE unfollow.

[tetheredfeathers]

My favourite post Mockingjay fics

@notafraidtodissapear since you asked 💕

One shots

making a blank page bloom: drabble collection by songbirdheart

A writer I have discovered recently, I cannot emphasize how much I love her writing. If an angel could write it would be her. This fic is sweet and short. Katniss sings her poem to Peeta.

eden by songbirdheart

Another one by the same author. Can you tell how obsessed I am?!!? Dw you'll understand her genius when you read it. A poem about everlark growing back together.

What's In A Name? by Joshs_left_earlobe

Everlark's first fight, lots of fluff and angst.

Fighting the Rain by starsmahogany (Jodalyn)

Cute fluffy fic of Peeta taking care of Katniss after she comes homes soaked from the rain.

The Unexpected Message by Diana_Flynn

Years after the war has ended Katniss has a fight with Peeta, but she finds an a gift that changes her perspective.

Multi chapter fics.

Baby Steps by Ronja

Growing back together/pregnancy fic, goes back and forth between her pregnancy and their initial growing back post war. Delves into some of the political aspects of Panem, and Katniss and Peeta's involvement. Enjoyed reading this alot.

When the Red X is on the Door By: MADAM BETH

A growing back that fixates more on Peeta's episodes, very realistic and perfect characterization. Timeline goes back and forth from initial post war to their with children. Loved this, it's also 57 chapters so might as well think of it as the 4th missing book.

Growing New Wings By: SkyLark89

Very accurate to the book, I always come back to this fic after my rereads. They rewatch the games to help Peeta's memory and work on the book. Starts off after Peeta's arrival and ends with "real".

A Little Drop of Hope By: Chinchilla17

In Peeta's pov, most growing back fics are in Katniss' pov so it was quite interesting to be in Peeta's mind after the hijacking.

The List orphan_account by silvercistern

This one is a must read, I'm sure everyone has heard of this one. Like if Collins were to write another book it would be this one.

Back to Twelve igsygrace

Another popular one, by the same author who wrote Peeta's games. I don't even need to tell you how good this. I will admit though I had some mixed feelings about the ending, because the author makes them go through another war. I'm not really sure if it's war tbh, but someone is trying to overthrow the government typa shit..

I have a problem with canon divergence so I didn't read the final chapter. idk why canon divergence just feels so wrong to me. But if you do like canon divergence this one could be really good. Anyway it's only the last chapter that is like that, the rest are all regular growing back material.

Synchronicity by ashyblondwaves

A collection of one shots and stories examining Katniss and Peeta's relationship post-Mockingjay. Peeta's POV. Pretty long but I really liked it. There's something about the writing that drew me to it. The problem is I have read a lot of these along time ago so I can't remember the exacts reasons any of these fics stuck out to me, I just remember they did.

Worse Games to Play By: Belmione

How Katniss finally decides to have children. Read a long time ago, but it's really sweet.

[the---hermit]

How to get out of a reading slump

A while back posted a list of ten books to help you get out of a reading slump, but I also wanted to post a more general list of tips I personally think are useful when you find yourself in a reading slump. (I have also talked about this topic in this ask). So here's some of my tips:

Take a break. Sometimes you can get in reading slumps because you are burned out, maybe not just because of reading, but that can be affected as well. You have no obligations when reading (unless of course if you have to do it for school/uni, in which case I would still recommend trying to get some time off or at least slow down a bit in order to get some energies back). Sometimes accepting that you are in a non-reading place in life it's the best solution.

If you feel like it's a book you are reading that is putting you in a reading slump dnf it, or at least try to switch between that and another book. I personally tend to get stuck when I have only one book in my currently reading pile, because I need to vary often, so I like to have at the very least two books that I am currently reading. Realizing this about myself made me read much more, because I have avoided a lot of reading slumps. I'd also like to add that there's no shame in dnf-ing a book, if you are not enjoying your time with it there's no reason you should keep forcing yourself to read that. Maybe it's not the right time, and you'll enjoy it more in the future, or simply the book is not made for you, which is totally fine.

Graphic novels are a great compromise to get some reading done when you are in a reading slump, but you still want to something to read. This is specifically my solution for when I am in a reading slump caused by being burned out. Graphic novels tend to require less brain energy, and the illustrations usually help a lot with the flow of the story. I think this is the safest option when you are in the worse reading slumps.

Audiobooks are your best friends, whether you want to listen to it while doing other activities, or you want the narrator to help you while you follow the page, I feel like this is another great option. I personally love audiobooks, and I like to always have one on the go. This is again a great option if you are feeling burned out, in those cases I really like to listen to the audiobook as I take a walk, or even as I play some mindless games online like tetris, and similar things. These are also a great option to help when the book you are reading is putting you in a reading slump but you really have to read it. I have used audiobooks a lot in high school to help when I had to read poems or big classics.

Short story collections can be one of the best options to get back into reading. These take off the pressure of being consistent in order to remember things, because you can pick them up and leave them as you like, since most stories won't be over 25 pages usually. There's also some great options of collections that include multiple genres, which can be very helpful when you are stuck and don't really know what you want to read.

Fairytales and kid's books might not come to mind as soon as you think of what to read, but they can be very helpful to get you out of reading slumps. They are short and lighthearted which are two fundamental characteristics of good books to get you back into reading. And rivisiting some childhood favourites is always a great choice in my opinion.

Reread an old favourite or a comfort book. I know some people don't love revisiting old favourites, but I personally love them. You always get something new out of the story, and rereading a plot you know already can take off a lot of the pressure of reading, because you don't have to pay the same attention as with a story you know nothing about. This can be very helpful when getting back into the habit of reading.

Set up a cozy place to read. I am all about romanticizing the small things in life, and this is a very effortless way to put you into a good mindset to read. I personally like to light a few candles, make myself a nice cup of tea, maybe get a little treat to eat, cuddle up under a blanket and just read. Of course your set up might change depending on your preferences, just have a little fun with it, you could even try to read a bit while you are taking a bath.

Try to read outside. Similarly to the last tip, changing your enviroiment can be helpful sometimes. Some people like to read in a cafè, but you could also go in your garden if you have one or in a park.

Consume bookish content. This might seem stupid at first but sometimes seeing other people be excited about reading and books is very motivating. It has personally helped me several times.

Start a buddy read with a friend you feel comfortable with. Sharing your thoughts with someone as you read a book can keep the motivation up and a buddy read can be a great option to help with motivation, but be sure that you are comfortable with this person so that you don't feel too pressure upon you. Be clear from the beginning set a small goal and have fun with your buddy.

At the moment these are all the tips that came to my mind when thinking about getting out of a reading slump. Of course different people might have different methods, but changing things up can always be helpful. As I said at the beginning you shouldn't feel pressure when reading, and if it's a no reading moment in your life there's not shame in it, but I have also been stuck in reading slumps where I actually did want to read but I couldn't bring myself to do so, and many of these things helped me.

original posts/tips masterlist

[aishabbbb]

The set up

I can't find the requesters comment so sorry TT Also sorry to the requester, I had exams all of last week so this is VERY late but I hope you enjoy

Gojo Satoru

What was there not to say about this man? He was the strongest sorcerer. The only person to have been born with six eyes in 100 years. How his birth changed the balance of Jujutsu society. But the only thing you can think of when you hear his name is how much of a dick he is.

He was your senior, being a grade above you. But being a senior doesn't give him any of your respect. Though you didn't have to see him as often since you were in seperate classes, whenever you would be forced to stay in the same room; it was war.

This man LOVED to make fun of everything you do. Do you have a weird walk? Mentions it in front of everyone. "Why do you always stomp, Y/N?" Make a tiny mistake pronouncing a word? "What the hell is Conmusion??" He makes fun of the way you fight in combat, uses his six eyes to see if you are lying in conversation and announces if you are in front of the person you are lying to.

He basically makes your life at school hell when he is around. But this goes both ways. You make fun of his pronounciation on words a lot more since he is prone to slurring his speech. You steal his belongings and spread them throughout the schools grounds(the school is HUGE) so he has to spend time searching for it. You make fun of his HORRIBLE posture and how he sits. "You know how Mothers say they are eating for two, well you sit for two Gojo with your big ass legs."

The worst thing you do is becoming Geto's biggest cheerleader. "Omg Get you are so strong!" "Wow Geto, I didn't know you were this intelligent!" "Geto, can you help me with this, since you're so good." This normally wouldn't bother him too much, but you ALWAYS compare him to his friend. "God, why can't you be more like Geto? He is so nice!" "Geto is WAAAY cooler than you." "Geto is so smart, I thought you would pick up on some of that smartness too since you're friends. But I guess not."

For all anyone knows, you two HATE eachother. But not Gojo.

________________________________________

He felt somwthing weird when he met you for the first time. At that time he didn't really seem to care about it, but throughout the next few months, that feeling just grew. What was it? He didn't have an answer and neither did you. He thought at first it was his hate for you. Whenever you entered the room, he felt it. When he heard of your name in conversation, he felt it. It came to him in his thoughts, dreams, and every picture he saw of you.

But if it was hate, why was he so mad when he saw you getting close to another person? When you hugged Haibara or Nanami. When he saw you being friendly with Geto. He felt anger grow. But not to you. To the other person. He wanted no one to be that close to you- at least any guy to be that close. He never felt jealous over how close you and Shoko are. So why was he this mad at the guys?

He didn't recognize these feelings until you forced him into watching this romance movie(You never asked him, you wanted to watch it with Haibara only but Gojo invited himself) called 10 things I hate about you(my favourite romcom) and this movie changed him. The poem made him realize what that feeling in him was.

It was love. He was in love with you.

"Oh god..." he sighs out as he comes to this realization. What kind of hole did he dig himself into? You HATED him with a burning passion, the same he thought he felt. But Gojo being him thought you might feel the same.

________________________________________

"I love you Y/N."

"What...?"

You two were having your daily banter session, when he decides to tell you his true feelings. He was confident that you loved him as well. I mean, who wouldn't?

"I said I love you? Are you deaf? Go out with me." He pratically demands. He put a finger flicked your forehead while leaning over you. He was grinning down at you.

"I'm not deaf!" You say, pushing him away. "And I will not go out with you."

"...what?" He barely says back. This makes you smile a little. "Are you deaf? I said I will NOT date you." You are now smirking.

Gojo looks at you with a look of suprise. No? With this expression, you decide to continue to patronize him "Listen, I know you are so used to getting whatever you want, but that will not happen here mister. I don't care if you are so strong or rich, none of that is enough to get me." You finished.

He couldn't say anything, so you end up just leaving him standing. ________________________________________

Something felt weird. After that day, you couldn't help but notice it. He was on you mind. All the time. At first, you thought it was because of his sudden confession; of course you'd think of that! But the thoughts just kept flooding in your mind. They never appeared until after he left on a mission with Shoko for 5 days. It was insufferable. Everything reminded you of him. You couldn't eat or sleep with a thought of him interupting it.

But why were you thinking so much of him? Did you miss him? You think to yourself that you can't be, but you know you are. Normally, any thought of him made you feel annoyed, but now you just feel sad and lonely. You truly missed him.

You wanted him to comeback quickly from whatever stupid mission Yaga had sent him on.

As you pranced in the courtyard doing nothing in particular, you saw from the corner of your eyes a familiar silhouette. Shoko Ieiri, your upperclassman and best friend. "Shoko!" You yelled hugging her. She moved back a little as she was startled, but she eventually returned the hug. "What's gotten into you girl?" She says through the cigarette in her mouth. "I missed you, that's all. You two have been away for almost a whole week! Am I not allowed to miss my friend?" You say teasingly.

"Anyways.....wheres Gojo? I thought you both came back today." You barely speak out. It was embarrassing to even think you were worried about that guy. Shoko had a strange look on her face before turning away completely so you couldn't look at her. "He's......in the infirmary." She states. 'Odd. Why would he been there?' you thought. Before you could ask anything else, she continued her sentence, "He got Injured." She says.

You couldn't believe what you heard. He got injured. THE Satoru Gojo. The strongest? Even though normally, you wouldn't believe it until you saw for yourself, plus why would shoko be here if he was injured, wouldn't she be helping heal him? But right now all of your logic was blocked out by a flood of emotions filling you with paranoia.

"H-how bad?" You barely whisper out. Shoko faced you, but looked away, morose looking towards the distance behind you. "Very badly." She said. Not turning her gaze she asked, "But that sounds like good news to you. Since you hate him, right?" She says in a sarcastic tone. She knew you liked him, before either of you guys realized it. She knew, and she was very annoyed right now to have to be egging you on to realize your own feelings. "No it's not! And I do not hate him...." You trailed off.

"I actually missed you guys. Both of you, but mostly him." Shoko looks you in the eyes. "Really?" she asked. You nodded shyly before continuing. "I feel sos stupid for rejecting him before. I should have just said yes! I am an idiot." Shoko looks over your shoulder and nods. "Yeah you are. Maybe you should tell this to Satoru when-" "I don't know why, but I can't stop thinking of him! He invades my thoughts when I am in class, training, and on missions.'' You weakly say. "That's nice an all but you should really save this for later when you see him." She attempts to shut you up, but you don't pick up on the hints. "God I even think of him when I am sleeping. He is sooo annoying!"

"Wouldn't you say I am the man of your dreams then?'' A smug voice calls from behind. You knew whose voice that was, but you still couldn't believe it. ''G-Gojo?'' You say, as you turn around to meet him. He was standing directly behind you, towering over you. Your faced heated up as embarrassment flooded your senses. This is why Shoko kept trying to stop you from continuing. "The one and only." He sweetly says, sticking his tongue out. You feel like fainting from embarrassment.

"How long have you been standing there?" You ask, trying to save your dying dignity. "The whole time." He killed the rest. "Hey it isn't eavesdropping if you speak loud in public." He chuckles. You felt the urge to punch him, but you stopped. Fuck him. "But I can't say I wouldn't have listened in even if it was in private." He smirked. Normally his dumb faces would fill you with irritation, but now it made you happpy and a little shy.

"Well I guess I'll accept your confess-"

"Sorry but no." He interuppted. You stare at him puzzled. "No....?" You quietly said. "No. All transactions are final and you already purchased a no." He said with a laugh. It felt almost cruel how he was so calm. You felt your eyes water up a bit as you turned to leave.

He grabbed your wrist. "Where are you going?" You looked at his sunglasses cover his eyes. "Why do you care? You already rejected me, so let me go in peace." You try to pull your hand away, but he's too strong for you to succed. "I never rejected you. I just won't be the one asking this time." He said pulling you closer to himself. You can't help but feel flustered by this action. "You can confess to me though." He leans over and whispers in your ear.

You couldn't tell if it was because you were so flustered or if you just wanted to get it over with, but you swallowed your pride and began to mentally prepare a confession. "I like you." You whisper. "What? I can't hear you." He says faking a confused face. You knew he heard you cause he was only a ruler away from your face. "I LIKE YOU! There can you leave me alone now?" At those words, he wrapped his arms around you and leaned you backwards. Instinctively, you straddled your arms around his neck to stop the fall. You wanted to day something to him, but before you could, you felt a pair of lips on your own. The kiss was short but felt dizzing and almost hypnotic. As quickly as the kiss started, it ended and he pulled away from you and let go of his grip on you.

"I accept your confession Y/N. But I can't accept your request to leave you alone since we are now dating." He winks at you. You wanted to respond but you felt so dizzy after his assault on your senses.

"Ewww get a room." You both looked back at Shoko who was standing there starting another cigarette. "You two have been talking for so long I finished my cigarette pack. "Ah Shoko don't worry I will keep my promise." "What promise?" You looked between the two. "You know, I'd buy her cigarettes for the next ten years if ahe lied to you about me being injured." When he said that It made you realize he was completely fine, no injuries. Sensing the building anger, Shoko quickly ran away while you turned to chase after her.

"Shoko you witch!!! You set me UP!!!!"

[theteabush]

Hii! Can I please have some hunter sylvester headcanons where he has a fem s/o who has a fairy kei style and is very sweet and innocent, but also loves the same metal and things he does?

|Hunter Sylvester x fem!reader with a fairy kei style|

Note: HI ANON!! You're actually my first ask, and I'm so exciteeeed because my style is also fairy kei with a mix of lolita and this got me all smiliiin'. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT. It's not the best and I'm so sorry TwT

Warnings: none

Hunter was dumbfounded when he saw you

Like literally.

Would question Kevin and/or random people about you

He would constantly beat himself up about this weird feeling,

Because having a crush on someone exactly the opposite of him was 'not metal' of him

"Dude just ask for her name"-Kevin

*visibly goes red*

Everytime he sees pink he thinks about you

He literally wrote a song about you and how much you're messing with his head

He randomly fixes his hair when sees you walking in

"Emily knows her. We could ask her"

When he hears that he would literally beg for that to happen

One time he almost crashed his car when you appeared in his mind

Would look at you in classes, questioning about this 'weird' style you have (you don't. He just doesn't understand it)

Does Google research about this

BRO LITERALLY BECOMES SHAKESPEARE AND WRITES POEMS

He smiles to himself when he thinks about you

"you good?" - Kevin

"yes, just the allergies messing with my muscles"

"????" - kevin

Emily told him your name so now he knows his mysterious crush

Literally gets TikTok videos with 'soulmates' with your initials 😭

He thinks he's in some type of spell

Totally denies his feelings sometimes because he's not used to it

At some point he talks to you

"nice weather outside, am I right?"

He literally goes ;-; and face-palms himself mentally

His eyes wide when he realises you're laughing

BABY BOY SO NERVOUS

compliments your clothing style

When he learns that you like his style and music taste, he goes blank

No thoughts, head empty

His heart races with 100 per/mile

"t-thanks. Its the trauma"

He's so awkward, he's just scared to not scare you off

That joke literally came out of nowhere

He would start talking about fairy kei because he memorised everything from Google just to impress you

You literally think it's cute

HE HAS A HELLO KITTY BACKPACK KEYCHAIN DONT ASK FROM WHERE HE JUST HAS IT

He gifted it to you

He would give you stuff every day at school, such as hair pins, bracelets, cute accessories, small stuff that reminds him of you

Would plan a picnic date night in a nearby forest with fairy lights in trees n' shit

HE PLAYS THE GUITAR FOR YOU

Would ramble at some point, talking about his favourite bands and their history

When he realises that you're listening and actually interested in what he says, he falls in love. Literally.

He's VERY surprised that you are also into metal

He actually opens up a little bit to you about his past. Just a little bit

Starts questioning on how you chose this style

Would listen to every single detail you give him

EMILY THINKS Y'ALL ARE THE SWEETEST

Would put his rings on your fingers, even if they're too big, just to see something of him on you

CONSTANTLY BLUSHES

He never thought about loving someone the opposite of him

PEOPLE ARE SHOCKED WHEN YOU TWO ANNOUNCED YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Would put stickers on your face

HE LETS YOU USE HIM AS A PERSONAL ACCESSORY TESTER

"Do you think this is cute?" - you

"Let's find out"

HE. KISSES. YOUR. HAND

"How's my floating cotton candy doing?"

You're literally his will to live 😭

His life so boring and grey, until ✨ you ✨ come in picture

People are whispering about you guys but who tf cares?

"You're like a heart"

"how so?" - you

"without you everything dies around"

💳 💥

OVERALL Y'ALL FUCKING CUTE

[dirtyeddietini]

fics that have altered my brain chemistry (eddies/joe qs version)

okay so ive been in an adhd brain rot?? where im just fucking HORRIBLE at reblogging fics that i enjoy and honestly it was my whole reasoning behind making this blog FOR GIVING WRITERS THE LOVE THEY DESERVE i just wanted to give a shoutout to these writers (and stories) they’ve made that just fucking messed with my brain (and in a good way okay??) over these last few months. please check them out and give them all the fucking love they deserve

like a poem (FINISHED series, but sometimes if you ask nice enough she will throw a blurb in there) - im so very fucking biased because i love her to the moon and back, but she writes the best fucking stories of joe that will keep you up all night having you rethinking all of your life choices. IT WAS VERY HARD FOR ME to pick out a story that i wanted to highlight in this post, but the whole reason i fell in love with her writing was because of bookstore!joe and he will ALWAYS have a special place in my heart. love you boo

plot: “Joe finds solace in a quaint bookstore, your bookstore, from a hectic situation in the streets. But, you’re closed. But then also, it’s Joseph Quinn.“ from the authors page

echoes (FINISHED, series) - again im so very fucking biased because she is the sweetest person you will have the pleasure of knowing BUT THATS BESIDE THE POINT - she writes so fucking beautifully she will literally have you CRY and this will forever and always be my favourite fic of hers. she deserves all the love she gets, and then even more so read it!!!! (she will make you cry its not on me tho)

plot: “When she laid her emotions out for her best friend, the last thing she expected was for him to turn around, walk away and never speak to her again. Years after, they meet again - different people, different feelings. Or are they?” from the authors page

the hideout (FINISHED, oneshot)- this was one of the first fics i read and fell in love with. it was in that timeperiod where all i could do 24/7 was read eddie munson fanfics and this was one of those fics where i went “holy SHIT??” and honestly i dont think there will ever be a time where this isnt just some % on my mind??

plot: “Eddie Munson made it big. Now, when he returns to Hawkins for a hometown concert with his band, he is reminded of the girl he’s been in love with for the past 6 years when Steve Harrington calls.” from the authors page

vintage reeboks (FINISHED) - this is one of those fics where you’re like???? holy shit i wish i’d come up with that?? i remember reading all of this in one day (summertime, sweating very fucking much) and its just?? holy shit its perfect?? the way eddie is in this??? and its something i could never think of would be this perfect?? i swear i think of this fic at least once a day??

plot: “The gate at the bottom of Lover’s Lake was meant to spit the quartet out in the Upside Down. Steve, Nancy, and Robin were meant to be there. He wasn’t meant to be alone. But when Eddie comes to on the shoreline, you’re there. It’s not the Upside Down. It’s not Lover’s Lake. It’s not 1986.” from the authors page

twenty four hours (STILL GOING) - the way this has me in a chokehold?? im a fucking sucker for when fics have a nice layout??? and this is just so pretty to look at?? like whenever i see its been updated my whole body is SHAKING?? i dont even know what to say?? this is just so amazing and the whole?? will they wont they?? i love them?? i want them both to fight with me all night long??? i CANNOT wait to see where this ends

plot: “in which eddie munson and you absolutely hate each other's guts. what happens when your friends make a bet that you can't spend more than twenty four hours consecutively together?” from the authors page

to know you’re mine (FINISHED) - i saw someone talk about this in the “eddie munson x reader” tag, and DEVOURED the chapters that were up in one whole day?? the way eddie is so fucking soft and nice and the best fucking gentleman in this?? and also?? the relationship to steve in this is amazing??? but THE RELATIONSHIP TO EDDIE IS EVEN MORE AMAZING?? such a fucking fantastic author please go EAT all the chapters right now

plot: “You know the rules. You'd been there when your boyfriend, Steve Harrington, discussed them with the others. There are only two.Number one: Only play when everyone's together. Number two: No finishing inside each other's girls.You'd agreed to these rules, same as Chrissy. Same as Eddie.But then there's rule number three, and though it remains unspoken, it's by far the most important. And you have that feeling again, like when you propped yourself up against the barstool, straining to see him on that stage, craning for a glimpse as his husky voice reached inside you. Now, his dark eyes are doing the same thing: pulling at something buried deep, tugging it into the light where it can't be hidden. And, sure, of course, you didn't intend this. But what are intentions in the face of such things? Needless to say, every rule gets broken.” from the authors page

the customer’s always right (STILL GOING) - hehhehe im a hoe for cutie virgin eddie??? but they way she always manages to capture eddie in her fics?? fucking amazing??? and her writing??? yes PLEASE so do yourself a favor on this fine friday AND READ THIS AMAZING FUCKING SERIES because eddie will make you fall in love in this???

plot: “eddie munson is a virgin and doesn’t want anyone to know (because being an adult who’s never fucked anyone is a total reputation ruiner). but you, his favorite customer, are more than willing to change that.” from the authors page

sincerely yours... (STILL GOING) - like i’ve told her before - her eddie is fucking amazing and so very much to the point!! im so excited for this one and cannot WAIT to see where eddies teasing will make him end up!! the last fucking part of this??? amazing

plot: "Untouchable, is what he called you. Dating Jason, the captain of the basketball tea, most would call you the same. Living your holier than thour life, something else he said, you can’t seem to swallow the need to prove him wrong” from the authors page

burn one (FINISHED) - this is just the perfect fucking combination of smutty and sweet??? like this is just how i imagine eddie and this is so fucking sweet and perfect?? had me thinking about this for WEEKS UGH

plot: "When you move to Hawkins to start over, your new unexpected friendship with your weed dealer next door is your saving grace. It was never your intention to fall in love with him though.” from the authors page

Disjointed (STILL GOING) - this fic has me feeling ALL the feels in all the chapters?? makes me GIGGLE, makes me CRY!!!, i’m in love with all the chapters and i CANNOT WAIT to see them live happily every after

also now that i’ve finished, i’ve just realised this is a lovepoem to my favourite authors on this app heheheh im sorry but i DO love you guys. please do go and read their stories, and send them all the fucking love in the world!! they do have so many amazing stories on their masterlist you will not be able to sleep tonight!!!

authors mentioned in this post THAT YOU NEED TO CHECK OUT!!: @icallhimjoey @ghostinthebackofyourhead​ @inknopewetrust @storiesbyrhi​ @ghost-proofbaby​ @blue-mossbird @lovebugism​ @plumxwrites​ @loveshotzz​ @boomhauer

[moonysbxtch0]

505

Part 9 : A word is a man’s honour

Summary: Professor Lupin confronts you about the prank but during it he also implies some things...

Pairing: Remus Lupin x werewolf student

Warnings : Teasing, sexual innuendos, sexual tension,blackmail( Remus trying to make reader do him a favour ,by finding the latter a Grindylow.)

Ao3 link : https://archiveofourown.org/works/39275319/chapters/117268138#main

<•>

"Who do you think did it?" Oliver crossed his legs as he faced you. The common room was pretty empty, only a few students were around, either studying, either chatting with their friends. You , Oliver and Percy had sat on the couch close to the fireplace, enjoying the warmth of the crackling fire.

"Must have been one of theirs." Percy frowned." Whoever did it , they're going to get expelled for sure."

"You think so?" Asked Oliver.

"Professor Snape demanded a meeting with the heads of the houses and from what professor McGonagall told me ,he was pissed and according to her he had every right to be. You know what they had written on the walls?" Oliver and you were waiting for Percy to talk. You knew exactly what he was going to say but were trying to act like you had no idea. Percy cleared his throat then spoke.

"And the quidditch game starts with Hufflepuff ,who always likes to play with class.

Then we have Gryffindor ,brave and loyal who always score.

Let's not forget ravenclaw , whose smartness always leads to a win.

And lastly but not least,yes we have Slytherin,bloodsupremacist little gits ,who always like to suck a bit of dick."

You felt your cheeks heating up,sure that seemed childish but a night before you and the twins found that pretty funny. Slytherin had managed to win a game against Hufflepuff and they had been bragging a lot about it eventhough they played dirty so it only seemed fit to write that on their wall.You had one problem that caused your heart to beat faster and make your whole being feel anxious. Professor Lupin knew that you were somehow related to that and if he as much spoke a word to Snape or Dumbledore,you and the twins would pack your bags and never step foot in Hogwarts ever again.

"I think that's pretty funny." Sneaking on his brother, George put Percy on a headlock and using his fist he rumpled his hair.

"George -" Percy was trying to get out of the headlock but couldn't.

"Percy got no sense of humour." Said Fred as he got in front of his brother, leaned forward and started tickling Percy to the point the latter couldn't stop laughing." Yes, that's how a normal person is supposed to react to that ' poem' ". Laughed Fred as he stopped ticking his brother and motioned to George to stop choking Percy.

"Idiots!" Huffed Percy as he stood on his feet angrily. "Let's go Oliver." The two of them left after bidding you goodnight and George sat on the couch, followed by Fred.

"Pretty funny eh?" Winked Fred. You took a deep breath and threw your head back , resting it on the couch."What's wrong?"

"Professor Lupin knows." You closed your eyes as you exhaled loudly.

"Knows what?" Asked George.

"That I was related to the prank. He asked me to go to his office tomorrow."

"Come on ,you must have misunderstood his words. He can't know,we used the invisibility cloak. Probably you did something that upset him or I don't know..." You pinched the tip of your nose and then faced Fred.

" Oh and Y/N...I forgot to mention but tomorrow I will be expecting you in my office. Something related to your late night walks...is what he said to me a few hours ago. He knows."

"Shit!" They both said at the same time .

<•>

Your leg was bouncing like crazy from anxiety as professor Lupin explained the lesson about inferi. You were biting the inside of your cheek so hard that it felt like you would draw blood from it. Your eyes were glued on the professor but your mind was elsewhere... would he snitch on you?After all the talk he said about you being his favourite student he wouldn't be that mean, would he?Wait... everytime he made eye contact with you it didn't feel any different from the normal...maybe he had forgotten. That would be a miracle that you would thank Merlin for every single day.

"That's it for today. " The professor clapped his hands and smiled."Don't forget to hand the essay on inferi in two weeks. If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask." Nobody asked any questions and the professor nodded." All right. I truly hope you understood everything. With that you're free to go." He motioned at the door with his palm. Maybe this was your chance...blend with your friends and leave without being noticed. You packed your stuff as fast as you could and hurried to the door ,the second you stepped foot outside the door you heard a voice that made you freeze on the spot.

"Not so quick Y/N." A few students were bumping into you as they passed." Back inside,I will be waiting for you in my office."Soon enough he disappeared from the view and in a matter of seconds you found yourself alone between four walls. Slowly you made your way to his office,the door was open. The professor had sat on his chair,arms folded on his chest,eyes on his watch , eyebrows furrowed.

"Ehm... Sir?" You made your presence known.He titled his head up and locked eyes with you ,a small smile on his face.

"About time Y/N. What took you so long?" He smiled as he licked his lower lip. You didn't speak. It felt as if someone had tied a knot down your throat. Yep. You felt guilty,that was the cause if your inability to talk. "Hmm no words? " He stood up from his chair, rounded his desk and approached you slowly,hands on his pockets." Maybe I can help you find the reason?" As he kept walking closer and closer , on instinct you took a step back. He wrapped a firm hand on your wrist and pulled you close to himself,the back of your hand was flushed against his chest and you could feel the way his heart beat rhythmically. You heard the door close behind you and confusingly stared up at him."I'm not going to bite you Y/N , no need to stay that far." His tone was low and you found it hard to swallow again yet you were sure this time it wasn't because of your feeling of guilt. Something was wrong with your body...you could feel the temperature on it raise a few degrees and your heart was beating fast.

"I wasn't..." Your tone was low and seemed shy. Not like your usual self at all.

He chuckled and flashed you a toothy smile."You weren't staying far or you didn't do something you weren't supposed to?"

FUCK. He definitely knows and he definitely hadn't forgotten." Be more specific about the second part, professor."

"Playing dumb...is that what we're doing?" He manoeuvred your arm , using his hold on your wrist and brought it close to you , smacking you with your own hand on top of your head a couple times , jokingly." Think Y/N , think."

You closed your eyes with every smack and the chuckle he let out made you realise that he found the whole interaction entertaining.This wasn't funny...at all. Your career was on his hands and thinking of a chance that he would snitch on you made you feel nauseous.

"How did you even know it was me?"You locked eyes with him and he smiled. The nerve this man had...

"Let's not forget your accomplices ,the Weasley twins. It's selfish to take all the credit to yourself." It fell like a bomb on you.What in the Merlin's left ball?! How the fuck did he know about the twins as well?!He smacked your head jokingly one more time and let your palm rest there,he still didn't remove his hand from your wrist.

"Fuck..." You muttered.

"Fuck indeed." Your eyebrows raised in suprise. This was the first time you heard professor Lupin cuss." You almost got caught... would have if another professor was on patrol duty."

"Yet we didn't. I got no idea how you figured out that we were involved but you have no proof. Nobody's going to believe you." You furrowed your eyebrows at him and your lips parted. His eyes dropped to your lips and lingered there for a few seconds.

"Are you sure about that?" He locked eyes with you yet again. "I promise you professor Snape is mad to the point he wouldn't mind breaking a few rules and use Veritaserum on you three..." The professor titled his head to his left and had a cocky expression to his face. The worst part is that he's right,Snape would definitely do that and you would get expelled over a small prank.

"Well-" you tried to move your hand from your head because your arm was starting to get numb. His grip was firm so with a smooth flick of your wrist you managed to turn the tables and this time you were the one who had gripped his wrist." Are you going to tell on us?" Your eyes were piercing his whole being yet the professor didn't seem intimidated at all.

"Don't get me wrong,I was a student myself once as well." He turned the tables again and this time he clasped your hand with his and slammed your hand on the door,your body moving with it , completely caging you there.Was this normal? Of course not. You've caused troubles more times than you can count yet no professor tried to be this close to you while scolding you. Mostly because they were afraid of you also because they had boundaries with their students." As a professor however, I'm afraid that I'm supposed to do something." He licked his lips as he stared down on you,the small action making your abdomen clench.

"Do you always scold your students while caging them against a door ,professor?" It wasn't that you didn't like it. You had started fancying professor Lupin since the begining yet the thought of him doing this exact thing to someone else made your blood boil.

"Only the ones I like." His thumb was forming patterns on your wrist. The way his eyes darkened made the animal inside of you go feral. Full moon still needed a few more days so the fact that she was coming to surface so soon wasn't a good thing.

"I wonder who's going to leave faster from this school. Me, because you rat me out to Snape or you, because one day one of these other students you like does something innapropropiate to you and of course given that you're the adult, you're the one that gets fired."

Your tone reeked of jealousy and you didn't like that at all. Why? You've dated Oliver and he was popular around here ,all the girls threw themselves at him yet never once did you feel jealous. Oliver would even flirt with them once in a while to get a reaction out of you but you never got jealous.When it came to the man in front of you on the other hand ,you couldn't even hide this ugly emotion.The professor let out a dark chuckle that electrified your whole body. Oh the effect this man had on you.

"I think we both know that you're the only student I like." Now, this sentence had many meanings yet you didn't want to misinterpret it and make a fool of yourself. Hold up...this could be your escape card. He had told you a few times that you're his favourite student so you could use that in your advantage." But my question is, would you be willing to get me fired?" Heis voice dropped a few octaves lower and he leaned closer to you,his nose brushed against yours for the shortest moment. It felt like a spark of fire was lit in the center of your chest then in a matter of seconds a huge wave of fire engulfed your whole body. He didn't just say what you thought he did?! Sure , if he was down for it...so were you..." Just joking, no need to be that terrified." He leaned back and smiled.

"I-" I wasn't, that's what you were going to say but he stopped you before you could say anything.

"We've moved completely out of topic.Back to me doing something about what you did two nights ago."

He let go of your hand and created some space between the two of you.He ran his hand through his hair and scratched the back of his head. The first thought you had ,was to grab him by his tie and kiss him like it was the last day on this earth. He was so handsome,his messy hair and that expression on his face made it very hard to control yourself,yet you didn't. You didn't have the balls to. Plus he did say that he was joking,you didn't want to make a fool of yourself and add more things to get you expelled.

"Does that something involve you telling Professor McGonagall what we did and at the end of the day me and the twins pack our stuff and leave?"

One thing about professor Lupin is that he was the most confusing person you've ever met. You were good at reading people yet you've never been able to read him. He nodded in refusal as he smiled.

" Nothing of the sort. I think we can come to an agreement. You run a small errand for me and I won't say a word about you being involved in that prank." Something reeked in here and this time it wasn't your jealousy…

"What kind of errand?"

"You see , I'm quite busy this weekend and ..."

"No can do this specific weekend." You stopped him.

"Is that so?" He put his hand on the left side of his chest and gripped his shirt " It pains me to tell poor ol' Minerva that the ones who pissed Severus so much were students from her own house. She's not going to take it well."

"You play dirty." You furrowed your eyes at him and gave him a stare filled with annoyance.

"You've got no idea just how dirty I can play to get what I want Y/N." He stared at you and his eyes did that again, change their colour from blue to a shade of gold. It was futile to try and convince him to change the day of his errand so with an eye roll you asked.

"What do you need me to do?"

"I need you to find me a Grindylow."Was he mental?! A fucking Grindylow?!

"Those things live on the lake. How do you expect me to find you one?"

"I am sure you will manage. " He folded his arms on his chest and smiled.

"I think I would rather get expelled than die..."It was worth the attempt to play this card.

"Well ,in that case pack your bags and let me accompany you to the train station." He caught his lower lip between his teeth as he grinned. Out of everyone on this school... not only did you fancy the one person you could never have but you also fancied the biggest jerk to live.

"Sometimes I really question myself if it was truly a good thing that you came to teach here this year." You rubbed your eyes in annoyance." I'll do it." You locked eyes with him again.

"Pleasure doing business with you." He put his hand for you to shake and you gritted your teeth before clasping your own with his.

"I can say the same as long as you stay true to your word." You gripped his hand as hard as you could yet he showed no indication that he was in pain whatsoever.

"A word is a man's honour." He had a hint of laughter in his voice as he spoke." See you around,Y/N."

Part 10 : https://www.tumblr.com/moonysbxtch0/742142713346113536/505

[lavenderbang]

Love Letters

Gryffindor! Seo Changbin x Ravenclaw! reader

Genre(s): Harry Potter/hogwarts au!, ABSOLUTE FLUFF, one scene of angst but that’s it, acquaintances(?) to lovers (Reader has a crush on Changbin but they aren’t quite friends???), feat. the rest of skz (mainly Felix, Jisung, Bangchan, and Jeongin though...)

Warnings: swearing, mentions of self-doubt, but that’s about it :)

W.C: 12.9k

Summary: Seo Changbin was used to his friends having to turn down confessions left and right, seeing as their little friend group as one of the most popular in the school. He convinced himself he didn’t care if nobody ever had interest in him, as it seemed liked such a hassle. That is, until he receives finds a box of chocolates and a love note from his “secret admirer”

A/N: I originally had this idea for Chan, but I feel like Changbin doesn’t get enough love these days and I am such a big simp for Binnie, so here we are. I also love different AUs, and Hogwarts is by far one of my favourites. And with the recent controversy of the stupid game coming out, this is a better way to indulge in the HP universe without supporting Transphobia and Antisemitism, so I hope you enjoy!

Everybody, look how cute he is

“Oh no, she’s crying...” Jeongin sighed, a look of sympathy washing over his features as the boys watched Hyunjin reject yet another confession. 

They were sat at their usual table in the library, when a sweet hufflepuff girl came up to the group and asked to speak with Hyunjin privately, a normal occurrence for the Slytherin boy, as many girls and guys alike fell for his pretty visuals.

“Its always the worst when they end up crying...” Felix frowned, “It makes me feel so bad for them.”

“Oh yeah, for sure.” Chan hums in agreement, looking down at the table, “Like you know its for the best and you turn them down gently, but still...”

Hyunjin then gave an apologetic bow to the girl and made his way back over to the table. He sat, letting out a deep sigh and brushing his hand through his hair.

“Well?” Jisung said, leaning his chin on his fist, “What happened?”

“She told me how she grew feelings for me recently and how she couldn’t stop thinking about me, which is sweet. She even wrote me a poem...” Hyunjin explained, taking out a folded pink piece of paper from his pocket. However, he didn’t open it, instead he placed it the middle of his potion book and closed it, “I let her down as gently as possible, and she said she understood, but I could see her holding back tears.”

“oh man...” Seungmin winced, scratching the back of his head, “So she was really into you, huh... That’s almost worse.”

“I do not envy you guys.” Changbin scoffed, shaking his head before focusing back on the potions assignment they had due tomorrow, “Being a heart-breaker would be too stressful for me.”

And for the most part, Changbin meant it; the uncomfortable and guilty feelings his friends felt whenever someone would confess their feelings to them and the awkward apologizing for not loving someone back was something Changbin couldn’t imagine himself doing. 

But deep down, he wished that maybe someone would someday confess to him; how embarrassing that out of his whole friend group, he’s the only one who has never been asked out before! Sure, he’s dated, but he always made the first move, always was the one pining after someone else. Maybe once, he’d like to be sought after too?

“It’s okay, she’ll get over it eventually.” Chan said, writing on his own assignment, “I’ll talk to her later tonight in the common room about it.”

“I doubt she wants to talk to you, Channie.” Minho said and rolled his eyes, “I know you’re head of Hufflepuff and you’re supposed to look out for your housemates, but she’ll probably still be a bit sensitive about it.”

“fair point, I’ll just let her be then.” Chan hummed, the boys finally getting back to work on their assignment, since the looming deadline was more important than talk of a rejection.

--------

You sat reading a book in the ravenclaw common room, snuggled up in the corner of the love seat with a cup of tea when the rowdiness of boys stumbled in. You glanced up to see Felix, Chan, Jisung and Changbin enter, seemingly laughing at the conversation the must had been having on the way here. When Jisung caught your gaze, he smiled.

“Oh hey (Y/N)! Sorry if we are bothering you!” He apologized and plopped down on the couch across from the fireplace. The other boys followed suit and sat down next to Jisung, “We’re just gonna hang out here for a bit if that’s okay?”

Jisung was a very good head of house; sure his thought process was pretty odd, but he always was taking in new information and trying to take good care of the rest of his house.

You nodded, before glancing at Felix, who smiled sweetly and waved to you; you shyly waved back focusing back on your book.

Out of the two Australian Hufflepuffs, you were more acquainted with Felix; He spent a lot of time in the great hall, handing out the baked good he made on the weekends. He also sat next to you in charms, to which he was very friendly and kind. He made sure to always say hello whenever he saw you, which you appreciated.

“So as I was saying,” Jisung huffed, before continuing whatever the boys were talking about previously. You didn’t listen much, opting to continue reading and minding your own business; however, that became increasing difficult when Changbin started speaking.

You caught yourself stealing glances at the dark haired Gryffindor from over the top of you book, feeling giddiness bubble up inside whenever he would smile or push his bangs out of his eyes.

You knew it was silly; you barely even spoken to Changbin, besides a simple greeting, yet his presence made you feel anxious. He was handsome and kind, very smart and passionate about the things he cared about. You’ll never forget the day you had heard him talking with Chan over quidditch, the conviction and intensity he had in his voice quite frankly made you feel nothing short of inspired.

So you may have grown a crush on Changbin. A secret one that nobody would ever get to know about. You would listen at look from afar, but it was just too much for you to ever even dream of actually being with him. Besides, he knows plenty of students; he probably doesn’t even really know who you are, so your chances were at zero.

But still, you though about him, what it would be like to go on a date with him. What it would be like to have him talk about you with the same passion and spirit. To be able to kiss him...

You felt your cheeks heat up at the thought, lifting your book so it covered your flushed face. Suddenly the boy’s conversation switched to something more serious, and you felt your ears perk up as you listened.

“So what about that girl and Hyunjin today?” Felix said before shaking his head pitifully at the rug, “It’s really unfortunate cause I know that exact feeling.”

“The feeling of the girl being rejected or Hyunjin having to reject her?” Jisung said, earning a shove from Chan. Did a girl confess to Hyunjin today? You suddenly felt bad, even though you weren’t there or knew who it was.

“Hyunjin of course,” Chan said and rolled his eyes, “We’ve all been there when we had someone confess to us...”

“Well, all except Binnie here!” Jisung teased, nudging Changbin, who rolled his eyes. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. Had Changbin never been asked out? That’s impossible! Everyone knew that the group of eight boy were basically the school’s crushes; He would have had to have dated dozens of-

“Make fun of me all you want,” Changbin folded his arms across his chest and leaned back into the couch, “I may have never been asked out, but I also don’t have to deal with that awkward, sticky situation of telling them you don’t like them back.”

No way Changbin really had never been asked out?! You could have sworn there had to be at least one person who has asked him out.

The more you though about it, the more you realized that you couldn’t think of a single person who you knew had. You couldn’t even think of someone who had a genuine crush on him, and not just praised him for his visuals (well, besides you of course...)

“It doesn’t make you sad, does it?” Felix asked, voice full of concern. Changbin sat quietly for a moment before pursing his lips and shifting in his seat. You caught yourself not even holding your book open anymore, hands folded in your lap waiting to hear his answer.

“I mean, it would be really nice to be sought after, sure.” Changbin mumbled before shaking his head and scoffing, “But there is stress that comes with it too, so I’m okay for now.”

“It’s really not all that its cracked up to be, so you’re not missing out much.” Chan said and patted him on the back. They were silent for a moment, before Chan stood and stretched his arms over his head with a yawn, “Anyways, I should get going to bed, I have a test tomorrow morning.”

“Yeah us too,” Felix nodded, standing from his spot and grasping Changbin’s hand to help him up, “See you boys tomorrow!” As Felix, Chan and Changbin turned to leave, you met their gaze, causing you to embarrassingly wave goodbye to them, praying  they don’t bring up you’re eavesdropping. Lucky for you, them smiled and waved back, before leaving your common room to just you and Jisung.

“I’m gonna go to bed too,” Jisung said out loud, turning to you, “Are you gonna stay out here or can I put out the fire?” 

“Oh yeah, I better get to bed too,” You said meekly and stood up, book in hand as you went to the staircase.

“Good night (Y/N).” Jisung hummed, to which you quietly sputtered out a ‘good night’ in response and darted up the stairs.

You ran to your room, closing the door behind you, mind still on Changbin and the shock of him not being asked out or confessed to. 

It made your nerves all jittery as you laid down on your bed, staring at the ceiling; suddenly, a thought popped into your head that made you smile.

Yes, it was perfect.

---------------

“What do you have in your hand?” Jeongin asked, pointing at the small red box Changbin was carrying as he arrived at their usual table in the library. His cheeks were flushed almost as red as the box and his smile was so big his cheeks puffed out. 

It had been a couple of days since the Hyunjin rejection, and everything was how it normally was. That is until Changbin was returning to his dorm after a class and almost tripped over something in front of his door; he couldn’t believe it! was it really...?

“Oh nothing, just a gift from...” Changbin began coyly, suddenly slamming a note down on the table with a happy laugh, “My secret admirer!”

The table was in shock, some of the boys cheering, while other were quick to try and grasp for the note; Until the sharp shushing of a nearby professor, that is. The boys relaxed a bit, shifting in their seats as Changbin sat down setting the gift down on the table.

“What’s in the box?” Minho asked, reaching for the box and opening it to reveal six homemade-looking chocolates, decorated with caramel hearts and various coloured sprinkles.

“Dibs!” Jisung cheered before reaching out to grab one, only for his hand to be swatted away by Changbin. He covered the chocolates, closing the box back up and pulling it closer to him.

“You guys don’t get them, they’re for me!” Changbin pouted, clutching the box to his chest, “The note doesn’t say ‘to Changbin and all of his friends’, now does it?”

“What does the note say?” Seungmin asked, nodding to the folded white note in Changbin’s hand. The Gryffindor, unfolded the letter, reading the contents out loud:

Dearest Changbin,

Hello.

I watch you from afar every day and I know how much you like the chocolate from Honeydukes. But to make my gift as special as you are, I melted it into something new and decorated it myself. I hope you like them as much as I like you &lt;3

Your Secret Admirer

Changbin’s face flushed re-reading the message, feeling his heart flutter. It wasn’t everyday someone gave him a gift, especially not of something he really liked.

“Who gave this to you?” Hyunjin asked, grinning at the excitement and giddiness in Changbin’s features.

“I don’t know,” Changbin hummed, smile still on his face as he looked over the note once more, “I found it outside my door after Care For Magical Creatures.”

“Good for you, Bin!” Chan said with a smile, ruffling Changbin’s hair like a proud parent before looking over at the note, “I really wonder who it is, though...”

“That’s not important right now,” Felix said, crossing his arms on the table and laying his chin down onto them, “What’s important is how happy they made you feel dude.”

The boys then started to tease Changbin, pinching at his cheeks and shoving his shoulders with chuckles and a string of ‘ooo’s.

You steal a glance from a few tables away, feeling the heat creep up your face at their reactions. You didn’t think Changbin would show his friends your letter, so it was a bit embarrassing; but you didn’t really mind that much, as they didn’t seem like the type to make fun of you for it.

Besides, it was worth all the hot, long hours you spent trying to heat and cool that damn chocolate to see the look on Changbin’s face. It was cute to see how excited he was, ears red and pretty smile seemingly stuck to his face. You decided you wanted to see it again and again and again. You decided he should smile like that everyday, so you began to brainstorm your next idea to make him smile like that again.

----------

“Ow! son of a bitch...” You cried out, sucking the blood that was pooling at the tip of your finger from the prickly thorns of the rose you were preparing. The bundle of soft lavender roses was almost complete, but the thorns were proving to be a pain in the ass.

You instinctively tapped your finger a few times on the pad of your thumb before going back to work. You felt nervous, as you were out in the greenhouses where anyone could just waltz in and catch you; you wanted to finish quickly. Not to mention Changbin would be finishing quidditch practice soon, and you wanted to deliver this gift before he was done.

“Okay that’s good...” You mumbled to yourself before pulling out a red ribbon and tying it around the stems creating a lovely bouquet. You then read over the note once more and slipped in in the ribbon as well. Looking at your handiwork one last time before deciding it was good enough, you stood and approached the quidditch field. You awkwardly tried to hide the purple bouquet in the folds of your robe, even though there wasn’t anyone out to see you; but better safe than sorry.

The weather today was bit chillier than expected, the autumn season coming to a close. It would soon be winter, which was good in its own respect; sure, autumn was beautiful, with the colourful leaves popping against the dull grass and skies, but winter meant powdery snow, warm drinks by the fireplace and cuddling up with someone on the coldest mornings.

that last one you definitely thought about from time to time...

You could hear shouts and the swishing of brooms as you finally got to the quidditch field. You hid by the entrance, peaking your head around the corner just in time to see Changbin neatly block the quaffle from going in, catching it effortlessly before nonchalantly tossing it to another Gryffindor player.

He look so handsome, drenched in sweat, cocky grin adorning his face as he floated like an angel in the sky. You could stay there for hours watching him play, but you had a job to do.

You moved farther from the field, finding the quidditch pitch and entering quickly; You were lucky that there wasn’t anyone changing at that moment, cause you couldn’t even think to check before entering. You looked around, trying to located Changbin’s stuff quickly before getting caught snooping around.

luckily it wasn’t too hard, as you recognized the sneakers he wore everyday in front of a bulky duffle-bag. You gently placed your bundle of flowers on top of the bag, finishing with a few adjustments to make sure it was set up perfectly. And just as quickly as you entered, you scampered away not slowing down until you were a good hundred feet away from the field.

You took a deep breath, feeling all your nerves on edge as you quickly pulled out the same book you’ve been reading recently and flipped to the page you were on. You planned to be sitting in the grass on the way to school, that way you would be able to see the smile on Changbin’s face that you adored so much. 

You tried to steady your breathing, wanting to appear as relaxed and natural, but inside you were screaming. You felt nervous, but also excited. 

Around ten minutes had passed, when suddenly you felt someone lean down beside you and sit with you in the grass. Startled, you look at the figure beside to you reveal Felix, beaming a smile almost as bright as the sun.

“Hey (Y/N)! What’s up?” Felix greeted. You made note of the place in your book before closing it and facing Felix.

“Nothing much, just reading.” You answered, trying you best to sound casual and calm. But inside, you were freaking out. Why was Felix with you? And what about Changbin!? What if he comes while Felix is with you? It ruined your whole plan!

“Cool, I’m waiting for Changbin and Jeongin.” Felix explained, glancing down his watch before looking back at you, “They should be done practice soon.” You hummed, turning to look in the direction of the field.

“Mind if I chill with you while I wait?” Felix asked, to which you nodded and you sat quietly, while Felix began to talk about the Charms class the two of you shared. 

You really tried to pay attention to what Felix was talking about, but your mind was glued on Changbin and the roses. Would he like them? Was the note you wrote too forward? Would he show the boys he played quidditch with or not?

You were snapped out of your daze by the sound of fast footsteps and a shout of excitement that sounded a bit too familiar. You looked at Felix, who shrugged at you, before looking in the direction of the footsteps to see Changbin running up the hill with a tired looking Jeongin trying to catch up.

“Felix? Felix!” Changbin cheered, waving the roses in his hand, beaming with joy, “I got another one!” You felt your nerves be replaced with butterflies, feeling a bit relieved that Changbin seemed to like the gift.

“Another what?!” Felix hopped up, approaching his friend who ran straight into him, knocking the two of them to the ground and almost crushing you in the process. 

They both let out a fit of giggles before Changbin sat up, and showed off the roses you spent almost an hour cutting and pruning for him. His hair was still sweaty and tousled, and he had dry dead grass on his shirt from the fall, but you couldn’t help but think it was the most beautiful he had ever looked.

“My secret admirer! They gave new a new gift and a new note!” Changbin squealed, laying back in the grass and clutching the bouquet and note to his chest. Jeongin finally arrived, huffing and puffing before sitting in the grass beside Changbin, lightly kicking the older boy’s shoulder.

“Was it really necessary to run?” He pouted, clutching his stomach like he was gonna puke.

“What does this note say?” Felix asked, reaching for the note, only for Changbin to jerk his arm away so Felix couldn’t grab it.

“None of your business!” Changbin barked, before letting out a breathless chuckle. Felix frowned, crawling on top of the Gryffindor boy to wrestle for the note, to which Changbin easily gave up, opting to gently brush his fingers against the lavender roses.

Felix began to open the note, before glancing at you and closing it up again with a pout. You blinked a couple times at Felix before realizing he didn’t want you to see the note (as if you didn’t write it; but to be fair he didn’t know that). You quickly avert your gaze down to the grass as Felix read the note silently. Jeongin was quick to move over to Felix and read it as well over his shoulder; it was fine, you already knew what it said:

Dearest Changbin,

It’s me again. I hope you enjoyed the chocolates! These aren’t nearly as tasty as my last gift, but they are much more pretty.

Flowers are used to convey feelings and meanings. Do you know what lavender roses mean? They represent love at first sight or enchantment. And you have definitely enchanted me! Every time I see you, I feel like I fall in love all over again.

I hope you enjoy these flowers, they are almost as beautiful as you! (you could use something that smells nice after practice anyways <;3)

Your Secret Admirer

“How cute!” Felix gushed, grinning at Changbin who was still playing with the flowers like some sort of lovesick puppy. Your face flushed at Felix’s comment, feeling a bit embarrassed, but also relieved he reacted positively.

“This one is a bit more forward than the last one, huh?” Jeongin suggested, smirk on his face as he folded up the note and handed it back to Changbin. He opened it again, rereading it and smile growing with ever passing second.

You wanted to explode when you saw his reaction; his ear flushed and his nose crinkled cutely as Changbin let out a silly giggle.

“Oh, (Y/N), just so you know what’s up, Changbin has a secret admirer.” Felix explained and you tried your best to try and act like this was news to you.

“You seem pretty happy about it..?” You timidly asked, shyly looking at Changbin. He shifted so his elbows rested under him, holding his head and shoulders up. You secretly were just trying to find out if he really like it or he was feeling pressured, as you remember him mentioning that.

“Its nice...” He mumbled, little grin on his face before he sighed and looked over the note again, “I just wish I knew who it was...”

“(Y/N), you wouldn’t happen to have a clue to who Changbin’s secret admirer is? Maybe one of the ravenclaw kids?” Felix asked, causing the three boys to look at you; Changbin blinked expectantly at you, making you look away and shaking your head no.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t heard anyone mention anything.” You answered, which was technically the truth. After all, you haven’t talked to anyone about being his secret admirer. 

Changbin sighed, laying back in the grass before pulling gently at the petals on one of the roses, rubbing in between his fingers. He smiled to himself before sitting up.

“I guess it doesn’t matter, I’ll just have to figure it out myself.” He hummed, a newfound determination in his voice., “With whatever little clues I get, I will find out who it is!”

“You sound serious.” Felix chuckled, “I guess we’ll have to try and help you figure it out too.”

You felt nervous about that; sure, you thought you were pretty inconspicuous about revealing details of who you are (basically none), but the idea that all eight boys would be trying to find out the identity of the secret admirer made you anxious. 

Changbin hummed in agreement before finally sitting up and brushing the stray bits of grass out of his hair. You secretly wished it could have been you who brushed your hands through his hair...

“Well, we should probably get going. I have to shower before dinner.” Changbin said, gently setting the bouquet down in the grass before smoothing out his dress shirt. 

You watched, hands folded over the book in your lap and Changbin helped Felix stand up, while Jeongin followed suit. Changbin picked up the bouquet again, clutching it fondly to his chest with a bright grin. He then turned his attention to you, catching you off guard.

“See you around, (Y/N).” He hummed and you swore you felt your heart stop. This might have been the first time he mentioned you by name and honestly, it surprised you that he even knew it. 

“Y-yeah! for sure...” You stammered, waving at Changbin as the boys left, leaving you alone in the grass. 

----------

“Wow! The first snow of the season!” Jisung gushed, pressing his cheek up against the cool window to get a look outside, “It so pretty out!”

Chan, Jisung, Felix and Changbin were once again in the ravenclaw common room, just relaxing and spending some time together after a long week of school.

 With the winter coming closer and quidditch season ending, they spent a lot more time in the common room that usual, which you definitely didn’t mind; You just “happened” to be there most nights too, reading up on your book or studying for upcoming tests, but above all else, wanting to be around Changbin.

It had been a few weeks since your last gift to him, since you wanted the next one to be something special. You spent a lot of time thinking about what exactly you wanted to give him; most things you thought of didn’t seem special or good enough to give someone as special as Changbin.

“You can see the big puffy flakes falling down!” Felix exclaimed, smile bright as he squished beside Jisung to see out the window. You watched the boys with a small grin, stirring the tea you had and trying not to giggle at how cute they looked.

“Come look Bin, you always love the first snow.” Chan said, waving over Changbin who sat on the floor at the coffee table by the sofas, seemingly focused on something else.

“Yeah in a minute,” He hummed, playing with a white piece of paper. You watched him unfold it and fold it again and again, flipping it over, rubbing it between his fingers, deeply analyzing it. He was sitting cross-legged, dark shaggy hair messily covering his forehead and his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. He looked handsome when he focused so much, but what was he looking at?

“Binnie, why are you still looking at that note?” Jisung sighed, coming back over Changbin and sitting beside him. 

Note? He was looking at your note..?

“Because,” Chagnbin sighed, setting it back down on the table brushing his hands through his hair before leaning back, “I haven’t gotten another note for weeks now...”

It hurt you to see him look so defeated, and you promised yourself you would never let him go this long without a note again. You felt guilty, but you just wanted to give him the best gift you could, so maybe it was worth it..?

“Awe, don’t worry dude!” Felix comforted, sitting down on the other side of him and wrapping his arm around him, “I’m sure they just have something cooler prepared that takes more time.”

“what if they don’t like me anymore..?” Changbin sighed weakly, biting his bottom lip and picking up the note again, holding it gently. 

You wanted to scream at him that it wasn’t true, and that he was silly for even thinking that, but you held back. You had to give him a new note and a gift now, so you needed to keep this charade up for a bit longer. You took a sip from your tea and flipped a page in your book, trying to not look like you were listening except you were fuming inside.

“Nonsense!” Chan huffed, coming to sit across from them, “Listen, I don’t know why it’s been so long since you got a note, but I’m sure your secret admirer has their reasons. Maybe they are scared you don’t like the notes and gifts. Maybe they have something big prepared like Felix said. Maybe they did give you something but it got lost or taken. My point is, the least likely scenario is them not liking you.”

“I mean, maybe....” Changbin said flatly, looking at the note in his lap sadly. The sight broke your heart and you suddenly felt like such an idiot. Changbin shook his head and set the note back on the table, “I don’t know. I just... I hope you guys are right.”

“Of course we are right,” Jisung said simply, patting Changbin on the shoulder reassuringly, “What reason would this person have to suddenly not like you? none! And there is so much to like about you, right guys?!”

Chan and Felix nod in agreement, trying desperately to cheer the dark haired gryffindor up. He let out a weak smile at his friend’s efforts, but looked back down at his lap sadly.

“Thanks guys...” He said softly, folding his hands in his lap and playing with them, seemingly defeated. 

That sad look was the last straw for you; feeling like you wanted to cry at the sight, you got up quietly and left the common room, determined to get a gift for Changbin now.

Luckily for you, you had the perfect idea after hearing the boys talking earlier.

It was freezing out, the crunch of fresh fallen snow under your shoes as you walked outside. As much as you hated being out here without a coat, you were fueled by the need to make Changbin smile. 

Using a spell you had learned a few years ago, you were able to gather up the freshly fallen snow from the sky, catching it in a crystal ball to make a snow globe of sorts. You would have loved to make an ornate stand for it, but it was almost curfew and you needed to get this to Changbin by tonight. The ball by itself would have to do; besides, maybe Changbin would like it more this way. Being able to roll it around to see the first snow of the year whenever seemed like something he would prefer to just shaking it like a normal snow globe.

Coming back inside and dusting yourself off, you try to neatly and hastily write out a note for him, trying to convey your feelings with every quill stroke. You re-read it, making sure it was perfect before folding it up and carrying your stuff back towards the common room. The only problem now, was there was no wrapping or box you had with you to put it in. And how would you be able to give it to him without him knowing it was from you?

Maybe you couldn’t give it to him tonight. If they just weren’t in the common room, you could sneak up to your room to be able to wrap the orb quickly, but going through the common room with them there was impossible to not be seen. Would tomorrow be better? But the idea of Changbin going to bed disheartened and sad made you feel heartbroken. There was no way you could wait to give it to him but-

“Hey (Y/N) what is that?” Jisung asked, standing out in the hallway right outside of your common room, with Changbin. The two of them had an armful of baked goods from the kitchen.

You freeze in place, feeling like you’ll be sick. You had both of them staring at you for a moment, looking down at the open globe in your hand and the note and you were speechless.

You were done for.

“It’s.. uhmmm...” You mumble, but Changbin is quick to notice the white note in your hand and snatches it from you in a moment.

“It’s from my secret admirer!” Changbin squealed, face lighting up as he unfolds the note and reads it. As he reads through the note, his face grows brighter and brighter and you can’t help but smile back at him, even though your knew you were fucked.

“What does it say?!” Jisung screamed, trying to read it too. He quickly grabbed it from Changbin and began reading it out loud.

Dearest Changbin,

Let me apologize for the long wait for this gift. I was trying to find something special and meaningful to give you to be able to show my love for you, so it took longer than expected. I promise to show you my love more thoroughly from now on.

I have gathered the first snow of the season for you, wanting you to always have a precious and magical moment on hand whenever you need it. Every moment I spend thinking about you is precious and magical for me.

I hope you enjoy this gift, I know how much you love the first snow of the year &lt;3

Your Secret Admirer.

You felt your face heat up as Jisung read your note out loud, not thinking about how cheesy it sounded until it came out of his mouth.

“(Y/N)! Explain yourself!” Jisung shouted, pointing an accusatory finger at you.

Shit, I guess it’s time to come clean and confess. You felt sick to your stomach at the idea of telling Changbin to his face that it’s been you all along, but here goes-

“Yeah (Y/N)! Where did you find this? Did my secret admirer give it to you to give to me?!” Changbin said, face serious, yet he was absolutely dead wrong about the situation. But you felt a weight lift off your shoulders as you would be able to sway them away from suspicion of you.

“No, I found it out here sitting by the wall.” You said as nonchalantly as possible, giving Changbin the snow globe. He quirked his brow at the clear crystal ball, before giving it a shake and seeing the snow inside appear and whirl to life. His face softened and he smiled fondly at the small ball.

“I didn’t see who left it, but I didn’t want it to break or be kicked, so I was coming to bring it to you.” You said, gazing at Changbin’s gleeful state and stifling a smile. At least the plan was a success, even if this isn’t what you had in mind.

“See? We told you they were waiting to give you something special buddy!” Jisung said, shaking Changbin’s shoulder before wrapping his arm around his friends and looking back to you, “Thank you (Y/N) for the delivery!”

“Yeah, thank you (Y/N).” Changbin hummed softly, his smile warm enough to melt away the cold you experienced going outside without a jacket. You felt your face heat up as you looked into Changbin’s eyes. He broke eye contact first, looking back down at the ball fondly.

“Of course.” You whispered, feeling like every cell in your body would burst at this moment from a whole conglomerate of feelings.

“Alright lover-boy, lets get these snacks back to the boys.” Jisung said and pulled on Changbin’s arm. They boys departed towards the common room before Jisung called back to you.

“Aren’t you coming too, (Y/N)?”

“Right! Yes, of course.” You confirmed and scurried to catch up to the boys, releasing the deep breath you didn’t know you were holding.

How you avoided being found out was a mystery. Blame it on the brainlessness of boys....

---------

“(Y/N), do you have the notes from Friday?” Felix asked, tugging at the arm of your robe, “Chan spilled water in my bag by accident and ruined mine, so if I could just borrow them to make a copy, I’d really appreciate it.”

It was a week later, and you had been racking your brain for what your next gift to Changbin would be. You weren’t exactly sure how much longer you should stay secret, but the thought of actually confessing made you feel sick. 

But for now, you had more important things to focus on, like school; more specifically the class you were currently in.

“Yeah, totally!” You answered Felix, digging through your bag for your notes and handing them to him, “Sorry, my hand-writing is a bit messy...” He dismissed you, flipping through the pages before frowning.

You stiffened when you realized a moment too late what you had just done.

“Your handwriting looks... familiar.” Felix said chewing his bottom lip until it clicked where he recognized it from. Felix gasped before tugging at your arm once again, “This looks like the love letters Changbin’s been receiving! Are you-”

You quickly hushed the boy, feeling your face heat up. Fuck. 

Felix calmed down a bit before whispering “Are you Changbin’s secret admirer?”

Felix looked at you expectantly. It would be fruitless to lie to him at this point; you could tell he wouldn't believe you even if you tried.

“You can’t tell anyone, especially not him.” You whispered back feverishly, feeling sick to your stomach. How silly of you! Of course Felix would recognize your handwriting, it was obvious. And with how excited he always seemed about the situation, of course he would have looked at the handwriting on the notes a lot.

You felt like you were going to pass out.

“I promise I wont tell him!” Felix said seriously, before giggling like a school girl, “(Y/N), that’s so cute! How long have you like him? You should have asked me to set you up! Also-”

“Felix, can we talk about this in a place that’s not so public...” You whined, looking around the crowded classroom. You suddenly felt exposed, like everyone was looking at you and like everyone knew, because it wasn’t just your little secret now.

“Of course, of course.” Felix said and turned back to his work, but only for a moment to scribble out a note and pass it to you, without lifting his eyes from his assignment.

He talks about the notes all the time, you know. You make him really happy :)

The corners of your lips quirked up, before you mumbled out a shy ‘good’ and focusing on your work again. You were stressed about someone finding out, but at least it was Felix out of all people. You knew he wouldn’t tell, no matter how excited he got because Felix wasn’t the type to break a promise. 

But still, you couldn’t shake the feeling of dread in your chest.

Class seemed to drag on, but the moment it ended you quickly packed up and tried your best to leave the classroom without having to talk to Felix about your little crush. It was bad enough that Felix found out, but you didn’t want to get into details with him about your feelings. So you fled, trying to get away as fast as possible.

However, you weren’t so lucky, having Felix corner you in the hallway and drag you off to the entrance hall for some privacy. Great...

“Okay you have to tell me everything!” Felix gushed, not letting go of your arm. You frown and chew your lip nervously, feeling incredibly embarrassed about the whole situation. You stood silently, looking at the floor as if you were guilty and in trouble for something.

“It’s okay (Y/N)...” Felix said softly, coaxing you to look up at him. He grinned at you encouragingly, “I won’t tell anyone, I just want to know.” You took a deep breath before letting out a heavy sigh. He wouldn’t leave you alone until you told him about your feelings for Changbin, so you might as well get it over with.

“I don’t know when I started liking him. Since I first saw him I think.” You began, feeling the heat rush to your face. You weren’t able to look at Felix, so you just stared at the floor, fiddling with the edge of your tie.

“I overheard you guys talking about how he never got asked out one night in the common room and I wanted to change that, but asking him out seemed too scary... So I decided to be his secret admirer instead.” You finished simply, rubbing the nape of your neck. Felix stood silently for a moment, lips pursed as he thought. He let go of you, folding his arms over his chest.

“Its the muscles right?” He finally said, smirking at your embarrassed state, “You find his muscles attractive and that’s why you like him, right? I can’t say I blame you though, They are quite a sight...”

“What? No! That’s not the reason!” You stammered out a bit too loudly, eyes shooting up to see Felix’s smug expression. God you wanted to punch him right now.

“I mean, he is handsome and his muscles are cool and all....” You admitted, smiling to yourself as you thought about Changbin, “But I like how passionate he is. And how he’s kind and loyal. And how he’s a good friend above all else.”

“Awe, you’re smiling so hard!” Felix teased you, cooing at how flustered you were getting. He poked your cheek with his finger, smiling when you swatted his hand away,  “You must be imagining him right now.” “Stop teasing me!” You groaned, pushing him away from you and covering your face with your hands. This was going to be unbearable now that Felix knew.

“Okay, I’m sorry.” Felix apologized, reaching over to rub your shoulder. You glared at him, feeling sick to your stomach still.

“You should tell him it’s you though.” Felix suggested, before perking up as he got an idea, “Ask him to go on a date during winter break!”

“Are you crazy?!” You screeched. You shook your head disapprovingly, moving to go and sit down on the steps of the entrance hall. You placed your head in your hands and let out a tired sigh. Felix slowly sat beside you, placing his arm around you in comfort.

“I want to tell him, but I’m honestly scared to...” You confessed, looking up at Felix, who was listening to you intently. A sense of doom looms over you at the thought of confessing, “I mean, what if....”

“What if..?”

“What if he finds out its me and.... feels disappointed?”

“Why would he be disappointed if it was you?”

“Because, I’m me and he’s him!” You sighed exasperated. You didn’t know when you started crying, but you felt a tear drip onto your lap. You wiped it away with a sniffle, trying to calm down. Feelings you didn’t even know you had started arising and for some reason, talking to Felix made you feel comfortable to confide in him.

You look down at your shoes, bouncing your knee anxiously as you spoke, “He’s Seo Changbin! He’s cool and he’s popular because he’s the sweetest; he’s the guy that is never rude and he never leaves his friends alone. He always puts himself wholeheartedly into everything he does and he never gives up, no matter how unlikely things will work out for him. He’s such a good person!”

Felix listened to you ramble, nodding along and rubbing your back to hopefully sooth you. You hung your head and let out a sigh, like all the life in you was expelled with that one breath.

“And I’m me... I’m the loser who has no friends, who always has their nose in a book because it’s easy to be alone if I pretend it’s by choice. I have a crush on a guy I barely have spoken to and I wasn’t even sure knew of my existence until a few months ago! I keep to myself, always observing as if I’m the background character and he’s the main character.” You wipe your eyes one more time as you finish rambling, feeling the lump in your throat as you tried to calm down a bit more.

“The background character isn’t supposed to be with the main character. That’s not how stories go...” You finalize, clutching the sleeves of your shirt with a crestfallen expression.

You didn’t quite think about why you were so afraid to tell Changbin it was you, but now it all suddenly made sense. You didn’t feel that he would have feelings for a nobody like you when he was someone like him. It just didn’t seem possible for him to have any interest in you, that’s why being a secret admirer worked so well for you.

You could tell him your feelings without him being disappointed it was you who felt that way.

“Good thing this isn’t one of your silly stories then.” Felix said firmly, not looking over at you. He was still rubbing your back, his determined expression a stark contrast from his gentle movements.

“Listen (Y/N), I know it’s scary and I know you don’t feel like you’re enough, but I can assure you, you are.” Felix explained seriously. His expression softened a bit as he flashed you a small smile, “You are smart, and you’re kind. You’re clearly very thoughtful to do all for this for Changbin. He be a fool to not like you.”

“You have me to support you and cheer you on now. I’m telling you, as your friend,” Felix nudged you a bit at the word friend, trying to cheer you up out of your somber mood, “You should tell him it’s you.”

“I don’t know...” You hummed weakly, feeling like there were a thousand doubts and negative thoughts stirred up in your mind. It all seemed like something any good friend would tell someone to comfort them.

“It’s not fair to neither you nor Changbin that you’re choosing to cheat the both of you out of happiness over a ‘what if’.” Felix said simply, patting you back one last time before retracting his hand to lay in his lap. 

Upon feeling his hand leave your back, you turned to look at Felix, with him staring directly back at you. His lips were pulled into a thin line, with his eyebrows furrowed in a stern, yet sympathetic expression before he finished, “Don’t let yourself sabotage your happiness like that.”

That seemed to spark a sense of hope in your chest, as you let your brain think on the concept for a moment.

It wasn’t fair of you to take away all possibility of Changbin being confessed to. It always made you happy to make him happy; so if Changbin finding out who his secret admirer was would bring him joy, it made sense you’d do everything in your power to make that come true. 

Besides, you knew Changbin was kind, so if he did turn you down, it would be in the most polite way possible, which wouldn’t be so bad...

“I have to tell him.” You deduced after thinking in silence. Felix seemed to perk up at your change in attitude, grinning at your newfound resolve.

“I agree!” Felix said with a nod, “Whatever I can do to help, let me know!”

The cogs were already turning in your head, formulating a plan on how exactly what you were going to do and how you were going to do it. 

------------------

Changbin hummed the tune he had stuck in his head all morning as he sat at his desk. Drumming his pencil against the edge of his potions textbook, he tried to focus on the current homework he had, but it was impossible at this point.

Changbin sighed, giving up on focusing and pulling open the drawer on his desk to pull out all the notes you had written him.

These days, all Changbin could think about was his secret admirer. The thought of them ran through his mind 24/7; what you looked like, what you sounded like, what kind of perfume you wore, what your favourite colour was, why you liked him. Who were you?

Re-reading the notes, he felt his face blush. It was refreshing for someone to care about him so much. He felt spoiled and couldn’t stop the grin on his face from creeping up, especially at the lines where you said you loved him.

He had read the notes over at least a thousand times by now. He could recite them by heart, noticed small things in the handwriting itself, like the way you crossed your ts or how you swoop the g more delicately while writing his name.

Changbin groaned, folding the notes back up and stuffing them in his desk drawer carefully. It had been a couple months since he first got one and he was no closer to figuring out who it was. Nobody seemed to act any differently around him since he started receiving the gifts, and he didn’t notice any lingering stares. Not to mention, he’d not been able to recognize the handiwork from either the gifts or the notes.

It all was so incredibly frustrating and disheartening to him. How was he ever going to figure out who it was if they never gave any clues away?

Changbin reached for the crystal ball you had gifted him from the top of his desk and rolled it around in his hands as he thought about if he’d missed any clues. The globe grew cold in his palms, snow whirling to life inside as he passed it between his hands mindlessly.

There was a sudden knock at his door that pulled him from his thoughts. He was about to yell and ask who it was when a piece of yellow parchment quickly slipped underneath the door. Changbin took a moment to realize what it was, before almost falling out of his desk chair. 

Letters didn’t usually get sent to him directly (or anonymously) unless it was his secret admirer.

He snatched up the paper from his floor before beaming at the familiar way he was addressed at the top of the letter.

Dearest Changbin,

Hello. I am writing something a bit longer so please forgive no gift this time. However I think you’ll probably enjoy today more than any gift I’ve given you so far.

It must have been hard to try and figure out who I am from just my notes. I have meticulously crafted each one as to not give myself away. Even my gifts have everything to do with you and your preferences, and nothing to do with me! But I think you have suffered enough now. If you would like to, You can meet me today, face to face.

Changbin felt his heart stop at that sentence. He was really going to know the answer to the million dollar question. Changbin shook his head and went back to reading before he got to ahead of himself.

However, instead of telling you my identity outright, I think you’d much rather figure it out yourself with a series of clues. Finishing this little game would be so much more satisfying than just being told the answer, right?

So without further ado, your first clue: (to be fair, its more like instructions...)

You need to go to the library and you will find a book sitting on the table you usually sit at with your friends (The table in the corner by the windows). The book has a dark blue hardcover and golden-edged pages. It is my favourite one; I think I’ve read it over a dozen times and I have my own copy that you can borrow anytime :)

Inside the book is another note which has your next clue!

Good luck! I know you’ll figure it out soon, brilliant Changbin!

&lt;3

Your Not-So-Secret Admirer.

Changbin grinned at the playfulness of his secret admirer. It was hard to convey personality through writing a lot of the times, but they managed pretty well in Changbin’s opinion.

He slipped on his shoes excitedly, lacing them up tight before he folded the letter up and stuffed it in his pocket. He could feel the giddiness bubble up in his chest from the fun nature of this little treasure hunt.

He thought to grab his scarf and jacket too, just in case this little game lead him outside, he didn’t want to freeze before he got the chance to meet you.

He went out to the common room, going to make his way to the library when he was stopped briefly by his friend on the couch.

“Hey Bin, where are you headed?” Jeongin called to his housemate, standing up when Changbin barely spared him a glance.

“My secret admirer left me a treasure hunt,” He hummed happily. Jeongin insisted to come too for help, but Changbin simply waved the boy off, “I’ll tell you everything later!”

“Okay, but don’t stay out too late!” Jeongin called to Changbin as the older Gryffindor rushed out the door.

Changbin could only hear the rush of blood in his ears and the pounding in his chest as he weaved through countless stairs and hallways on his way to the library. He was feeling nervous, although the didn’t really think there was reason to be.

It was clear by now that you liked him a lot, yet he was worried about meeting you face to face. What would he say? What if he didn’t live up to what you expected of him?

Changbin wiped his palms on his trousers to hopefully try and aid the clammy feeling before he pushed open the doors to the library. He made a b-line straight to the table he usually sat at, but was surprised to see Chan and Jisung sitting there working on homework.

“Hey Changbin, you okay? You look like you ran here.” Chan chuckled, setting his quill down on the table. 

Changbin barely spared either of them a glance, looking around the table for the book. When he couldn’t see it, he circled around the table, looking at the chairs pulled up against it with a huff.

“Uh... Bin? Hello?” Jisung called out to his friend, “What are you looking for?”

“A book.” Changbin said urgently, finally looking at his two friends when it seemed to be gone, “Its got a blue hardcover and gold pages and was supposed to be at our table.”

“Oh yeah, I think something like that was at the table before we got here.” Chan hummed, looking over at Jisung, “You put it away, right?” 

Changbin felt his heart drop; this was not happening right now.

“Yeah, I moved it so we could study.” Jisung nodded, looking back at Changbin, who was mentally freaking out by now.

His one chance to meet you and figure out who you are and his idiot friends had to move the one thing he needed? He felt like he was going to scream.

“Where did you put it!?” Changbin asked anxiously, slamming his hands down on the table and making the other two boys jump in their seats.

“Relax!” Jisung cried, before turning to point at the library cart that sat about twenty feet away, “I placed it on the cart for re-shelving. It should still be there.”

“What is it?” Chan asked, as Changbin scurried off to the cart without answering. He looked through a few of the books on there before he spotted the one he was looking for on the bottom shelf. Changbin huffed out a sigh of relief, grabbing it from the cart and bringing it back to the table.

“Its a clue from my secret admirer.” Changbin answered; he felt exhausted after experiencing so much panic over almost loosing the book. He turned it over in his hands, opening the front cover.

The other two boys watched as he flipped through the pages before landing somewhere in the middle, where a white piece of paper stuck out of it. You also seemed to highlight the words on the page to create a simple message that read “you are my light”. Changbin felt a bit embarrassed about that, but he thought it was a sweet touch nonetheless.

He carefully unfolded the letter and took a deep breath before reading.

My Dearest Changbin,

Congratulations on finding the first clue! I hope it wasn’t difficult for you.

He smiled at the addition of “my dearest” when addressing him; it made Changbin’s heart flutter just a bit to think of being someones’ dearest...

You know what goes good with a book? Cookies and tea! I often like curling up with a good book, a gingersnap cookie and some chamomile tea in the evenings. The only thing that would make that experience better is if we did it together...

Changbin blushed at the thought of someone reading to him in the evenings; his head in your lap as you read him whatever you wanted. He could almost taste the flowery teas and freshly baked cookies and feel the softness of your fingers through his hair as you told him a story....

Focus Changbin! Focus.

Your next clue is in the kitchen! I made you some cookies and tea to enjoy before we meet. I wasn’t sure what you liked best, but luckily I had help with that!

You will meet a friend of mine there; You know him pretty well :)

He will have your next clue. 

Good luck, I know you’ll figure it out soon, my brilliant Changbin

p.s. please bring the book with you, its my copy :p

&lt;3

Your (Even Less Of A) Secret Admirer

“Wait, you’re meeting them today?!” Chan exclaimed excitedly, leaning over the table to look at the note. Changbin lets the boys take the note to read it over as he flips casually through your book. 

It was filled with annotations and other random notes in the margins. Things that you really liked, ideas the text made you have, even just things you felt or thought about in that moment. Whoever you were, you seemed like a very thoughtful and detailed person, which Changbin could appreciate

Jisung seems to recognize something in the writing, frowning as he finishes reading the note and then looking at the book in Changbin’s hands. It seemed oddly familiar to him....

“What book is that?” Jisung asks, peering cautiously at the cover. Changbin  closed to book to look at the cover before shrugging.

“Don’t know, there isn’t a title on it. They probably have a dust jacket that goes over top with the title.” Changbin hummed, showing his ravenclaw friend the book.

“I think I have a guess on who your admirer is, Bin.” Jisung said nodding to himself as he looked back at the note in Chan’s hands. He grinned a bit as all the gears snapped into place.

“Who!?” Chan asked as he shot out of his chair. Changbin looked at Jisung expecting an answer, but he just shook his head playfully and sat back down. Changbin felt like he could explode right then from anticipation and he wanted to strangle Jisung for not spilling his thoughts; But deep down, he was also pretty glad Jisung didn’t say who he was thinking of. 

It would have ruined the fun.

“It’s the gingersnaps and chamomile that gave them away. The book looked familiar, but if it’s who I think it is, they always have a cup of chamomile when they read.” Jisung revealed, before pointing down towards the bottom of the note, “But I wonder who this mysterious “friend” is?”

“The only way to know if for me to go find out.” Changbin said hastily, scooping up the note and putting it in his pocket with the letter from before, “Thank you for almost ruining everything and then fixing it again, I’ll see you guys later!”

“See you buddy!” Chan yelled to Changbin as the Gryffindor boy rushed away, onto the next location. 

The kitchen was a bit of a walk, so Changbin had some time to speculate.

It annoyed him that Jisung seemed to know before he did, but that must mean the Jisung just knows the person better. Which wasn’t surprising to Changbin, since he was the head of his house and it was his job to know people. Maybe that meant they were a Ravenclaw?

And judging from your scribbly book, that was a good sign that he was right on that.

How many Ravenclaws did Changbin really know? All the members of the quidditch team, Jisung and most of the leaders and/or older Ravenclaws that the younger students depended on, and the few odd students he’d met in his classes. Not really narrowing it down too much...

Whoever you were, Changbin was starting to feel sick at the thought of meeting you. It made him nervous to think about what to finally say when you were standing in front of him.. It was very clear that you liked him a lot, and he wanted to have your first meeting be the best possible interaction. But what then? Would he go out on a date? He’d like to think so, but that could lead to complications...

What if you went and you realized you didn’t like him? The only person who has ever sought after him suddenly deciding they don’t want to be with him anymore made his heart ache.

But what if it went well? Changbin knew he had to do this. He had to know who you were and even if it ended terribly, he at least could look back at this time with fond memories. 

That was the mindset Changbin had as he entered the kitchen, trying his best not to ruin anything the staff were working on. Through the window, he could see it started to snow outside, the soft powder floating through the air. 

Sat next to the window on a stool, plate of cookies on the counter beside him, was someone Changbin didn’t expect to see.

“Felix? What are you doing here?” Changbin asked, walking up to his friend. He noticed two teacups sitting beside Felix, as the hufflepuff smiled at his friend dearly.

“Waiting for you, silly.” Felix hummed, pulling up a second stool beside him and patting it with his hand, “Come sit.”

“So you’re the mysterious “friend” of my secret admirer...” Changbin said simply, pulling the stool out to sit on it. Felix nodded with a ‘mmhmm’, focusing on pouring some tea into the teacup adjacent to Changbin.

He had so many questions for Felix swirling around in his head as he stared blankly at his friend; Did he always know? Was he pretending he didn’t know whenever he got a note and gift? And if he knew, why did he keep this information from Changbin?

 As if he could read his mind, Felix said “I’m sure you have a lot of questions, and I can’t answer all of them.” The hufflepuff stirred some sugar into his own tea with a spoon, before setting it gingerly on the counter.

“What can you tell me?” Changbin asked, taking a sip of the tea. It was chamomile, like your note said; he grinned at the taste, somehow sweeter because it reminded him of you.

“For starters, I just figured out who it was a week ago, so I haven’t betrayed you for that long.” Felix chuckled, snatching a cookie from the plate and dipping it in his tea, “And believe me, I’ve wanted to tell you about a million times since I found out.”

Changbin grabbed a cookie and took a bite out of it, the rich, spiced flavours contrasting with the tea well. He gazed at his friend, feeling a bit on edge and antsy. He wiped the crumbs from his mouth with the back of his hand before speaking again.

“What-”

“Hold it right there buddy!” Felix quickly interrupts, excited grin growing on his face, “You’re aware this is sort of like a game right?”

Changbin nodded, not sure what the other boy was getting at.

“Well, I am only allowed to answer three questions.” Felix said, holding up his fingers to emphasize his point, “And you can’t ask outright who they are. Other than that, you can ask almost anything!”

Changbin took a minute to process the game, before scoffing to himself with a smile. Of course you wouldn’t just let Felix outright reveal your identity; not after all the work you put into this little treasure hunt Changbin was on.

“Choose your questions carefully.” Felix warned, leaning back and taking a sip of his tea to let Changbin have some time to think. 

What he didn’t expect was the Gryffindor to stand up from his spot and start pacing, seemingly deep in thought. It was endearing he took this little game that seriously.

Changbin’s brain was racing a million miles an hour. He wanted to know everything about you, but what was the most important think to ask?

After a few moments, Changbin sat back down and took a deep breath. Relax. He was meeting you today anyways, so he should just ask what his instincts tell him to.

“Ready?” Felix asked nonchalantly, lacing his fingers together and placing his hands under his chin. Changbin nodded firmly, determination gleaming in his eyes.

“How do you know them?”

“I first met them in a class the two of us share. I sit beside them and we exchange notes for the class pretty regularly.” Felix answered, as directly as he could without being too obvious.

“Okay... that narrows the options.... What gift was their favourite to make or which were they most excited to give me?”

“That’s technically two questions in one, but I’ll allow it because I actually know the answer to both. They said they liked making the snowglobe best because it was a very special and magical process, but were most excited to give you the chocolates because it was the first gift.”

“They sound like they’re sweet...”

“They are.”

Felix stared expectantly at Changbin, “Last question?”

Changbin had a question in mind, but he wasn’t sure if he should waste the last question on something so pointless. But it was killing him and he needed to know the answer to the question he’d not been able to stop thinking about since this whole thing started.

“Why do they like me?” Changbin practically mumbles the last syllable, eyes glued to the window. He felt his face flush as he watched the snow fall softly.

It wasn’t that Changbin didn’t like himself; he liked to think he was pretty confident guy overall. But the gifts and the notes just seemed so special, he almost wondered why he deserved them more than who was giving them to him.

“They think you are kind.” Felix began, voice gentle as he looked at his friend fondly, “And they think you’re a good, loyal friend. And above all else, they love how you’re so passionate about the things you care about.”

“That’s why they like you.” Felix hummed finally, taking his focus away from Changbin to drink more tea. 

Changbin felt like he was frozen in time. He wasn’t sure what he expected from the question, but he didn’t expect such deep and thoughtful reasons.

After a moment, Changbin was finally able to bring his gaze back to his friend, who was beaming back at him. Changbin couldn’t help feel bashful, his heart feeling like it was going to pound out of his chest as the corners of his mouth quirked up.

“I need to know who they are.” He said dreamily. Felix hummed, setting his teacup down before reaching into his robe. He gingerly pulled out a sealed white envelope and handed it to Changbin.

“This is for you. It’ll tell you where they are waiting for you.” Felix explained, as Changbin took the envelope and tore it open. Inside was a familiar looking white note.

My Dearest Changbin,

I hope you’re not mad at Felix from keeping my identity secret. He’s just being a good friend to me :p

Anyways, I’m sure you figured it out by now. And if you haven’t, that’s okay too. You’ll know soon enough.

Changbin felt like his entire body was asleep, tingling from head to toe. He could hardly handle the anticipation as he read your note.

I know you spend a lot of time with your friends in the Ravenclaw common room. I assume its your favourite spot to spend time, right?

Mine is the covered bridge that goes over the ravine; Sometimes I visit Sundial Garden too because it’s close, but I find the open airiness of the bridge helps me think.

I am waiting for you on that bridge. I hope to see you soon. &lt;3

Your Patient Admirer

Your note basically confirms you as a ravenclaw student, as you mentioned seeing Changbin spend time in the common room. But that barely mattered now as he knew where you were and that you were waiting for him.

He folded the note up and put in in his pocket, Giving an expectant look to Felix.

“They said they are on the bridge over the ravine.” He mumbled, almost confirming it to himself. Felix nodded, expression playful and soft as he watched his friend be practically frozen in place.

“I...” 

“Why aren’t you leaving, dude?” Felix asked, tilting his head slightly as he watched the Gryffindor tap his toe nervously

“I’ve wanted to know for months now, but I’m scared.” Changbin confessed, letting out a breathless laugh, “I don’t want to disappoint them...”

“I can guarantee you, that is impossible.”

“how can you be sure”

“Because!” Felix sighed exasperatedly, standing up and grabbing onto his friend’s shoulders, “How on earth could you possibly disappoint them when they adore you this much?”

“I don’t know!” Changbin huffed out, shaking his head before gazing at Felix, “I guess I’m just scared we’ll spend time together and they’ll realize they don’t like me...”

“Bin, you are sounding irrational.” Felix deadpanned, squeezing the gryffindor’s shoulders and slightly shaking him, “Don’t you want to know who it is? Don’t you want to at least try and be with this person?”

“More than anything.” Changbin said firmly. As afraid as he was, he was sure he wanted to at least try

“Then go!” Felix chuckled, pushing Changbin away from him, “Go. I promise, it’ll be okay!”

“You’re right.” Changbin hummed, pushing aside his doubts, “Thank you Felix.” Felix nodded, sending his friend off with a thumbs up and a ‘you got this!’ as Changbin dashed out of the kitchen and on his way to the covered bridge where you were waiting.

He wanted to figure out who you were before arriving, but he couldn’t seem to think of who his secret admirer could be. You had a class with Felix (not really helpful because Changbin only shared one class with Felix, where they sat together), You were a ravenclaw (there were thousands of ravenclaws), and you enjoyed tea and reading. 

Not to mention, he also didn’t recognize the handwriting, so he’s never borrowed notes form you before...

The wind was howling a bit more now as the snow fell in big, wet puffs. Changbin felt glad he brought his scarf with him as he walked along the path towards the bridge.

You, on the other hand, should have looked into what the weather was supposed to be like. You leaned on the railing, looking out into the snow covered ravine, sniffling slightly as your nose was running. 

You debated on going back inside, knowing that Changbin would have to walk through the clock tower to get to the bridge anyways; but that thought stopped when you noticed a figure in the distance from your peripheral

Oh god, what do you do? Should you approach him? No because that would mean you’s have to awkwardly walk towards each other and wait to say anything. But if you pretended like you didn’t see him, he might not think you were his secret admirer! But there was nobody else outside because it was cold and snowing so how could he possibly think it was someone else? Should you just turn to look at him? At least then you’d be addressing-

“Hi.” Changbin greeted shyly, sliding next to your spot on the railing to look out on the bridge.

Oh god.

“Hello.” You replied, chewing your bottom lip nervously, stealing a glace at the gryffindor. Were his cheeks red from the cold or because he was embarrassed? 

“You found me.” You mumble meekly, catching the way Changbin’s face morphed into a grin.

“So it is you?” He chuckled, turning towards you and smiling. You turned to look at him properly, nodding and letting and awkward giggle out. You weren’t sure what to say to him in this moment.

“Wow.” Changbin said simply, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, “had no idea it could have been you...”

Oh god.

He was disappointed. 

You should have known to never confess. God you felt so stupid! Of course THE Seo Changbin would never-

“I mean, aren’t you way out of my league?” Changbin said with a grin, as your eyes shoot up to meet his. He held that expression he always had whenever he would receive a gift; smile so wide his cheeks poked out, nose slightly crinkled and eyes glittering. You found yourself smiling too.

“Me? I don’t think you have any idea how wonderful you are if you think I’m out of your league...” You joked boldly, immediately looking down at your shoes out of embarrassment. Changbin let out a giggle, feeling like he was on cloud nine.

It was you.

Changbin never even considered you an option when thinking about his admirer. You were diligent and soft spoken and definitely seemed like you’d never be interested in a loud, childish, muscle-head like Changbin. He always thought you were attractive, but he thought he never had a chance with someone like you.

So imagine his surprise when he walked onto the bridge and saw your figure in the distance; he felt like it had to be a prank. But the closer he got the more he could see you were nervous and that nobody else was around to scream ‘gotcha!’ .

It was you and Changbin couldn’t have felt happier.

“Thank you, for everything.” Changbin hummed, handing you your book back. When you grabbed it, he swore he felt a shock go through his body. 

“I- uhmm...” Changbin stuttered, clearing his throat while looking at the ground. Changbin had never felt nervous like this before, but he willed himself to be brave and just speak his mind.

“Listen,” he began, looking back up at you to see your anxious expression. He couldn’t help but think you looked cute, “I have never felt as cared about as I do because of you. It seems almost impossible for me to ever come close to making you feel so loved... But I want to try.

“So, do you maybe want to head inside and we can talk some?” Changbin asked, looking at you expectantly, “Perhaps over a cup of tea in the Museum or astronomy room?”

“As a date..?” You asked teasingly, causing Changbin to scoff

“yeah, as a date silly.” Changbin laughed, shaking his head playfully at you.

“Sounds lovely.” You accepted giddily. With a burst of courage, Changbin slips his hand into yours, eyes widening by how cold you are.

“Oh, I’m sorry I kept you waiting out here for so long, you’re freezing!” He huffed out, hastily taking his scarf off to wrap it around you delicately. He tucked it into your coat, lightly brushing your cheeks with his thumbs; you swore you would faint as Changbin smiled at you wrapped up in his scarf.

You tried not to cheer out loud at his sudden carefulness. His scarf smelled like him and you knew that you’d have a hard time wanting to take it off, even when you got back inside.

This all felt like a dream...

You slipped you hand into his once more as the two of you walked back to the castle, where you swore you could die happy.

--

“Oh dear, he looks like he’s trying to play it off but you can tell he’s upset...” Minho winced, as the table watched Chan have to break the heart of a poor Slytherin boy. 

You watched apologetically, instinctually grabbing at Changbin’s hand as his arm rest around your shoulder. He pulled you closer to him, pressing you against his side as he frowned at the exchange.

When Chan returned, he let out a sigh, slumping down in his chair.

“Asked you out?” Seungmin asked, to which Chan nodded weakly.

“Yeah, he said he wanted to take me out to honeydukes this weekend, but I politely declined.” Chan said simply, crossing his arms over his chest as he furrowed his brow, “He seemed a bit embarrassed. I hope he’s okay...”

“Oh man, that’s rough.” Jeongin hummed, tapping his pencil against the edge of his herbology textbook.

“I do not envy you guys.” Changbin scoffed, turning to look down at you endearingly as you snuggled closer to your boyfriend.

Changbin, your boyfriend.

The thought of it made you both giddy.

“Yeah well, lucky for you to have the only person confess to you be someone you liked back!” Jisung pouted, patting Chan on the back, “some of us have to be heart breakers!”

“Not me.” Changbin mumbled, grinning dreamily before placing a sweet kiss on your lips (and consequently causing the rest of the table to groan).

Maybe it was alright that Changbin didn’t really have people confessing their love to him all the time. It used to bother him, but now that he got to have you, he was happy to not be a heart breaker.

[hoidn]

okay so i watched all eight episodes of 1899 in one go on monday and i cannot stop Having Thoughts. quite honestly it is the most superbly executed narrative i've ever encountered outside of literature. the sheer thematic scope and complexity is breathtaking. THEY WROTE A GREEK TRAGEDY about all my favourite things and it begins with an emily dickinson poem. !!! the universe was aiming its arrow right at my brain with this one.

(so of course it wasn't renewed. given that la révolution also wasn't renewed, i'm forced to conclude that tptb at netflix have something against thoughtful and nuanced excellence in storytelling.)

this is one of those times i especially miss metafandom because i'm sure there've been discussions about everything my brain is yelling at me but how the hell does one find the good shit anymore? or even the bad shit, for that matter. so here you go, tumblr frēonds, have yet another brain dump that nobody asked for or cares about.

a list of topics covered by 1899 that i recall after watching the entire thing once, in no particular order:

the nature of identity

the nature of reality

how grief warps both the self and the perception of reality

the often inexplicable nature of trust

the human brain's capabilities

the inherent untrustworthiness of memory and the irony that it's all we have

explorations of female identity

the many meanings of freedom

communication!! — trying to understand and be understood through barriers of language, of levels of reality, of technology

the destructive nature of religious zealotry (and christianity in general *internal sigh*)

classism

patriarchy

homophobia (both social and internalised)

the beautiful and horrific acts humans will commit in the name of love

the looming shadow of the male authority figure

space as a concept, both literal and psychological: liminal spaces, confinement

'the odyssey', obviously

the trope of the mad woman in the attic (this one gets its own post because I Have A Lot To Say)

now let's talk ancient greek references!

[1] the names of both ships come from ancient greek mythology: prometheus stole fire from the gods to give to humans and was sentenced to eternal punishment; kérberos (or cerberus) was the multi-headed dog who guarded the gates of the underworld to prevent the dead from leaving.

[2] in ancient greek philosophy, there were four classical elements; this concept was taken up in western alchemy, which made a hobby out of giving everything a glyph or symbol. the symbols of the four elements are triangles:

🜂 = fire 🜄 = water 🜁 = air 🜃 = earth

[3] it's been four months since the prometheus went missing. what, i wondered, is the significance of the number 4? in greek numerals 4 is represented as Δ´. oh, look, a triangle. and what's a triangle in three-dimensional space? a pyramid. and what's a pyramid geometrically speaking? a tetrahedron! which has 4 faces and 4 vertices. it's also the smallest possible platonic solid and plato associated it with the element fire. i don't know enough about geometry or philosophy to take these associations any further, but, as shakespeare would say, come the futtock on. this level of detail is RIDICULOUS and EVERYTHING TO ME.

[independent-variables]

HELLO !!!

Having now finished binging all of your star wars fics, I come here asking for some recs. Just any of your favourites, bonus points if it will cause emotions (and tears).

Also can't stress enough how much I love your writing, it's so so brilliant <3

(this is neptunesenceladus btw, tumblr hates me and won't let me send asks with a side blog so you get this one)

HI!!! Good to see you, good to see you <3 Always happy to provide recs <3 <3 <3

I want you to know I went through my bookmarks and pulled like sixty fics and had a brief moment of panic, so this is not all of my recs just the first... thirty, or so. If none of these are appealing, oh boy, do I have more!

This list is not in any order other than bookmark order, most are on the shorter side, most are Gen and I am pretty sure all are complete. I tried to warn for stuff that could be a squick when I remembered.

False Dichotomy by nsmorig

Starting off strong with my favorite Cody fic of all time. If you read nothing else on this list I encourage you to read this (if the tags are not a squick) because it will re-shape your brain and shatter your heart into tiny pieces. Basic premise is Force Sensitive Cody gets captured by Dooku and survives torture, experimentation, and imprisonment while trying to figure out his relationship to the Force and to his personhood, and the ways those things are connected. 

What's in a Name by Sankt

This is about Fordo post war and it’s phenomenal characterization. 

The Last Poem of Jedha by schweinsty

How Bohdi Rook becomes a rebel and writes a poem. 

you're like a loaded gun by kazhan

Ok this is E and also Underage, so maybe it’s a skip, but it’s teen Boba/Cal trying to navigate sex and love and secret identities and it’s so fucked up and so good. 

chicken, cattle and cat by deniigiq

Obi-Wan and Maul living in domestic dis-harmony on Tatooine. What more could you ask. 

Little things [are the reason to live] by i_will_bite

Clone medics navigating a slightly hostile working environment and trying to make it less hostile T-T

Two brothers (and a kid) by meerlicht

What if. Waxer and Boil just stayed on Ryloth, with Numa. What then? 

with poise, with grace by andeemae

Stone falls through a hole in a roof and falls in love. Beautiful clone/OC romance and very cute kids, doesn’t shy away from the difficulties of being a clone in love with a civilian. Very much an inspiration for me.

second time around by This_world_of_beautiful_monsters

This is another one I wasn’t sure I wanted to put on here because it deals briefly with rape, but it’s such a wonderfully fucked up take on Anakin and Rex’s relationship. Or, how Vader views Rex. 

The Desert Storm by Blue_Sunshine

If you are looking for an epically long series to get invested in I highly recommend checking this one out. This series and its sister-series are some of the best characterization and worldbuilding for Jedi I have ever had the pleasure of reading and it is a fix-it in all the messy, hard, terrible ways people don’t usually write fix-its. 

Shape-Changer by Fialleril

This is a foundational fic for me. Incredible Tatooine worldbuilding. Inspired me to write the way I write. 

The Sun Is Bright, The Sun Is Blue by ambiguously

CUT AND SU ORIGIN STORY!!! 

most things may never happen: this one will by jaigeye

This is brutal but what if you were a droid and you had to dissect a person. 

Bad Deal by FettsOnTop (GTFF)

Boba/Lando my beloved. A brief look into their relationship and into Lando’s thoughts leading up to Han and them’s arrival. 

and the Force is with me by sauntering_down

Rex and Ahsoka and the way the war changed them, and what they can and cannot do in the aftermath. 

Twilight on Owl Creek Bridge by yellow_caballero

The Fox fic of all time. What if you were trapped in a time-loop with a ghost from the future but your life is so monotonous and simultaneously bizarre you don’t even notice. 

Fishhooks by yellow_caballero

The Boba fic of all time. This author does not write much for SW but every time they do it’s iconic. What if you were a teenager running away from home but also a perfect clone of your father created to be him but better but also his because you will never escape his body and his ownership and his love. What then. 

Staring into open flame by SLWalker

This is such a beautiful and heartbreaking read, it’s basically exploring what would have to happen for Maul and Obi-Wan to have a genuinely healthy and happy relationship post murder and bisection. 

Energy Drink Fox by carrinth

The crack comic of all time. What if Fox had space Monster.

lost cause by catboydogma

The foundational Dogma fic. The fic that got me wondering about how clones spend their time on Coruscant. 

the married au by dharmaavocado

Clone rebellion my beloved. Basic premise is the clones took over Kamino and then went out into the galaxy as a mercenary army of sorts. Rex and Cody are finding their place in the world, creating business partnerships, falling in love, manipulating public perception of clones. (Background clonecest, not between Rex and Cody.)

[lightsoutletsgo]

hiii could I request a ship?? idm how many you list!! I’m v short for my age … like ariana grande height (5’2”), I’m an aspiring actress and I just starred in my first semi-professional theatrical show today. I also sing, I’m very open minded and a good listener. HUGEEE introvert, the type that would rather spend her day at home instead of go out. fanatic bookworm and I also sketch and write short stories or poems whenever I feel very pressured. my music tastes is very variable, i listen to whatever i like but i mostly listen to miss swift. i love horror movies, and people would describe me as creative and shy. Although I try to step out of my comfort zone whenever I get the opportunity. Love language is physical touch and words of affirmation. Praise kink girlie til I die. ALSO! I do songwriting for fun, lately I’ve been thinking to take it to a professional level, but we’ll see.

SO SORRY IF THIS IS LIKE VERY LONG- But this is probably the best way I can describe myself. 💞💞

-🕰️

ahhh hi gorgeous! thank you for sending your ask! as a fellow theatre girlie - I see you! (my show starts rehearsals in april!) I hope this is okay, I went a little outside the box! happy reading! mimi 🤍

OSCAR PIASTRI ᝰ.ᐟ₊ ⊹ - calls you sweetheart or sunshine (occasionally calls you his star when referring to you in 3rd person or in good luck cards!) - loves how your hand feels in his! has an obsession with comparing them. - his love language is words of affirmation - he loves surprising you with cute dates like picnics or stargazing

oscar is so proud of you! he doesn't know much about your industry or everything it entails. he's learning day by day though! but he knows you have to put in an insane amount of work for what sometimes seems like very little reward. he's always there at every show and you can bet he's sending flowers and a card to you backstage before your show opens! he's there at the stage door to greet your when you've finished, beaming at you and holding out another beautiful bouquet of flowers as you giggle, filled with that aftershow high.

oscar loves hearing you hum and sing around the house and he does his best when he joins in but quickly decides he'll leave the singing to you and instead woo you with his amazing dance moves (which means pulling you in and spinning you round the room until you're both too dizzy to stand anymore)

he's so appreciative that you're a good listener and finds a massive amount of comfort in calling you or coming home to you after a long day and rambling about everything that's happened - good and bad. he doesn't mind that you're shy, in fact he thinks it's cute! but he also likes that he's able to help you and do something for you seeing as you do so much for him!

oscar is always encouraging you to show him your sketches and poems but he also understands that sometimes those things are very personal. he loves bringing home cute stationary like writing paper and washi tape when he's been away and he always checks your art supplies after you've been sketching for a while to make sure you have everything you need for next time because he knows it's your outlet.

he loves listening to music with you in the car and he's more than happy to let you explain all the lore about each taylor swift album (it's actually come in useful sometimes in various conversations) oscar will never admit it to any of the other drivers but he's now a hardcore swiftie and he will not shy away from correcting lando, "it's 'he looks up grinning like a devil', not 'he looks so pretty like a devil', geez mate" (these interactions have kind of exposed his fan status though because he gets so passionate about it!) any road trips whether short or long will have you both belting out your favourite taylor swift tunes complete with facial expressions and acting.

oscar's love and praise doesn't just stop at everyday life though, he finds that watching you squirm and whine underneath him when he calls you pretty just does something to him. he loves taking his time, slowly stripping you of your clothes, praising and kissing each new section of bare skin that's revealed. he relishes in the breathy whimpers he draws from you and the way you grab his shoulders to keep yourself stable as you stand between his legs.

oscar is the tyoe of boyfriend that will do anything for you. even if that means waking up at five am his time to help you run lines after rehearsals before you sleep. despite his busy week, he had assured you he was more than happy to do it and you have to admit, your boyfriend isn't the best actor, but it makes the process fun!

"hey sunshine! how was rehearsal?" you smile at the phone screen as your boyfriend answers your call, his hair all messy and still blinking away sleep as he matches your smile, "it was good! we started blocking act two today and got to see some of the set pieces! was pretty cool." oscar nods, a sleepy yawn escaping, "I got your message with the script sweetheart." you nod, "just need to look at scenes three and seven they were a little sticky earlier," "I gotcha," he stretches and you bite your lip as a flash of his tummy is visible for a second, "hey now..." he grins. busted. "let's work on these scenes first and then we can think about that later."

[asherloki]

7 and 15 for Sherlock and reader. From the grumpy sunshine affectionate list pretty please 🥺

His summer girl

Sherlock x reader

Word count:- 1261

Fluff

Prompt list, and many others I find endearing!

"Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate:

Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May.." So on I read as I held my book of Shakespeare's sonnets in front of me. Sonnet 18 is indeed my most favourite. The first time I read it when I was in school, then I read it again for college and then to my delight, there's nothing brighter than a soothing summer's day and if your lover brings such brightness to you, you're indeed lucky. As for my dearest lover, the detective, rather the cold detective as people say sat with me. He held me closer to him with an arm, and as soon as I started reading he put his phone down, shifting his full attention towards me and my reading.

"and summer.." I continued reading until his heavy, beautiful voice continued with me,

"And summer’s lease hath all too short a date;

Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines.."

We read the lines together.

"you're prettier than a summer's day" interrupted Mr Sherlock Holmes, wrapping another arm around my waist as we both sat in his chair. Snuggling closer.

"someone's not paying attention to my reading, isnt my voice appealing anymore?" I replied. He, having such a voice himself has often loved poems when I read them even more.

"ofcourse. it's still beautiful, your voice will never cease to be amusing to me, at the least your reading." He answered. Our flat is calm at the moment, no client, no shouting at Mrs Hudson and all. Perfect for a poetry session. Sherlock placed his chin on my shoulder from behind, his breathing touching my skin. Just like the sunrays hitting directly at us from the window.

"you're cute, you know that Mr grumpy?" I said booping his nose lightly, when we first met he was this cold distant man, never quite came to talk to me on his own. However, he listened everytime I read or talked, to be more specific talked in metaphors.

"no, not me, you're cute" he said snuggling more. And I didn't object.

"do you remember, four years ago, when Christopher and I broke up? I was talking to my friends and family on my phone when I quoted, "The more I know of the world, the more I am convinced that I shall never see a man whom I can really love. I require so much!" you stood outside my door and listened and when I turned to you, you were startled, yet you gave a nod and went away".

He chuckled softly, uff his voice, so close to my ear,

"I do, from Jane Austen's sense and sensibility it was, also because I wondered what love actually is as you talked of it in phone" he replied, "I've often stopped playing violin to listen to you, reading loudly, like that one time when inspector Johnson called me a fool, you were sitting in the kitchen. I felt bad for taking long to solve the case, and I muttered, "perhaps I am" you came quickly and quoted, "The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool" from as you like it by Shakespeare and glanced at him. That ... that motivated me, and in two days I solved it."

I nodded, ofcourse I remember it clearly. I smiled at all the memories of us, from quote talking to trust, trust to friendship, and then here, now as lovers. He doesn't ask for much, isn't like other men who are clingy and... may I dare say like some who are lusty too. He's just him. How come I found him?

"how come I found you?" he asked out aloud, "my summer day? my Sunshine? you filled my world with light. Everyone else seemed to have liked me getting hurt emotionally but you..."

I paused realising he's opening up? he doesn't do it much, so I listened without interrupting,

"you... having you, I feel... I." he stuttered, "I love you, walking by you makes life easier and happier" he finally said, holding me tighter. How come I not love this man? I caressed the back of his hand. However after a few seconds I let go off his grip on me, baffling him slightly, just to face him. To look at him, the vulnerable Sherlock Holmes, which is pretty rare. I leaned on my hand, resting my elbow on the top back of his chair.

"See how she leans her cheek upon her hand.

O, that I were a glove upon that hand

That I might touch that cheek!" he quoted shakespeare, caressing my cheek.

"oh" I said, "well hello Romeo". It made him giggle and me as well.

"If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more." I replied.

He thought for a moment, perhaps this time I gave him a good move, "and it's from?" he asked.

"oops, was it a bouncer detective?" I teased and got to see him pout, he's adorable at home, "Emma by Austen ".

He hummed and nodded, point one goes to me. He didn't stop, rather started reciting, "And every fair from fair sometime declines,

By chance or nature’s changing course untrimm'd;

But thy eternal summer shall not fade,

Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow’st;"

He continued Shakespeare's sonnet 18. So I, too looked at my book and began reading,

"Nor shall death brag thou wander’st in his shade,

When in eternal lines to time thou grow’st:"

Sherlock held me even closer as he recited next lines looking at me,

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,

So long lives this,"

Then I continued with him, reciting my favourite line, "and this gives life to thee".

And we sat in silence, looking into eachother's eyes. The closeness and silence never bothered us. His green eyes gazing at me made me blush and I looked down, smiling softly. Remembering some time has passed perhaps, since we sat like this, so to break the silence I said, "You know what Sherlock" I got up, "I wanna read something casual" saying so I went to look for a contemporary romance novel in our bookshelf when my dearest lover rolled his eyes and said,

"you mean those smutty books, that gives you weird fantasies and you ask me to imitate that in bed?"

I giggled, because that's what I do, I read smuts, get an idea and ask him to do it, "well" I said looking at him, "you don't wanna do it?"

He smiled, shaking his head he replied, "I can't say no to you, can I?"

He too knows how much he likes to have control in bed, and I give him all of that. Was that too private to share? I turned around to choose a book when

I heard his soft footsteps, walking towards me, I turned to him and raised my brows,

"what now detective?"

He said nothing instead came closer and cupped my face, I love it, his big strong hands cupping my cheeks, he leaned to me then said,

"Make me immortal with a kiss"

And his lips met mine. Here, in this flat, the winter man kissed his summer girl. My detective, considered to the cold one met me, the sun girl they say. And the spring that blossomed in our hearts, hope it never fades away.

[greypetrel]

10 Characters, 10 Fandoms more

Oh no @pinayelf has tagged me again so I'll have to do another set! :"(

(thank you Ellie! I already did one and I was crying because I left out characters, here it is if you or anyone wants to read it)

Tagging: @aimee-maroux @everythingispoetry @owlask @raflesia65 @morgandarcyarts @sapphireangelbunny @idolsgf @zenstrike @rowanisawriter and YOU!

1. Sir Gawain

We stan a bi king (in the poem he kisses the Lord THRICE. Out of his own will. In another he kisses Lancelot. On his lips.). I love Gawain in any declination, Arthurian cycle, medieval poems, Merlin and the latest movie. I put Dave Patel because visually it's the one that I like the most, but give me a Gawain and I'll like him.

2. Boromir - Lord of the Rings

I spent half my life hating him, then I REALISED. And now he's my sweet pea the apple of my eyes I love him and I'll defend him. Movie kinda did him dirty, but AAAAAH.

3. Beatrice - Much Ado About Nothing

Fiercely loyal sarcastic queen who can and will stand up to herself. I love her. Absolutely flawless.

4. Chrisjen Avasarala - The Expanse

She's everything and I love her more than words can say. Old professional lady cursing like a sailor and speaking her mind clearly. Was very torn between putting her or Ripley in the first batch, but Ripley got precedence out of seniority of my obsession. I couldn't suggest you (anyone you are reading) this show enough, and she is one of the big reasons (she and Bobbie. I love Bobbie <3).

5. Evie Carnahan - the Mummy

She's everything and I will fight for her.

6. Kronk - Emperor's New Groove

I quote this movie more than it would be healthy to do. Yzma comes a close second but it's him.

7. Madalena - Galavant

I stood there 10 minutes trying to decide whether to put her or King Richard. But this single scene was the one that made me fall in love with the show and how it turns tropes around and so yeah. This list was short of villains, furthermore and she is everything, go slay, queen.

8. Jasper Fahey - Grishaverse

As previously stated, you give me a chaotic blorbo with a flair for theatrics and I'm yours forever.

(another fave is Nikolaj, but here goes Jasper because you know. Less tsarism involved.)

9. Martha Jones - Doctor Who

Martha deserved so much better than what the show and the fandom gave her. She's a great character, she's strong and compassionate and kind and honestly she did it right in leaving the Doctor (here's a video essay of a person better informed than me). I am so sorry, but I don't like Rose all that much, particularly in the season with Tennant and I'm on the Justice for Martha squad.

10. Korra - Avatar: the Legend of Korra

I know her show has flaws. But her as a character IS NOT.

Again, I needed to have figures to deconstruct the trope of "strong girl" and she's it. I love her arc and how she needs to deconstruct herself to proceed.

(I love also Tenzin, Tenzin is my favourite and my love, but his character arc is to me slightly less compelling)

(don't ask me to choose just ONE character from ATLA, I can't, I'll stay stuck for two hours trying to decide whom I like best and end up running away screaming because I can't.)

On a book level I must add: Margarita from Master and Margarita. That book is my obsession and the reason I ended up studying russian literature and language. -even if Bulgakov was actually Ukrainian but guess how many people told me so and I won't start here on the subject)