[They toast and start at the corner. The conversation continues while they eat]
I share the feeling with you Father: I suppose that anonymity gives us an air of courage, but I think that true courage lies in facing our fears, our doubts and our crises.
[I sip a big gulp of wine, trying to calm my nerves and hoping that what I said would calm Adrian down a bit]
It's true, I did say it [feels tickles on my face] and you know? when they explained to me in the archdiocese that religious experiences were a divine gift, I DID NOT THINK THAT WAS WHAT THEY MEAN!
I still wonder if what happened that night falls into that category or if it was actually a defense mechanism to face the changes in my life: I only came to work here for a few weeks and I've been suffering from a horrible overload for nearly a year, still I cry when I remember my life before the archdiocese, before the tragedy [covid] changed everything... I did not fit inside my body, it seemed as if my skin were clothes and I was ill-fitting, sometimes I just wanted to sleep and at other times I can't fall asleep.
[My nose starts to run, tears trying their best not to fall]
Everything was a cloud of confusion... until that night when everything lined up to sync, to feel, to finally experience how it all felt connected. with everyone...
and yet, the devotion came later and with it the guilt
- 🛐 (I don't know exactly how lay positions work in the clergy, but post-pandemic trauma, work stress and discovering hierophilia thanks to your sideblog -and a longfic that I'm reading- if it's based on real events 🫣)
ERRATA: Yes, I have saved my confessions because English is not my first language. Even so, I appreciate that you let me know about the problem anonymously (I'm not ashamed or anything, but I'm barely understanding this RP thing🥴)
[Seeing your eyes well with tears, I reach over to set a comforting hand on your shoulder.]
It's ok if you need to get this out of your system, to cry if you need to. But I'm glad that you've had a breakthrough.
You know, I've been thinking about this sort of thing myself, I...
I'll be honest, the church would not approve of me saying this, but I think desire is just part of being human. It isn't a sin. You have nothing to be guilty about, walking in on... that, was not your fault. Nor can you help feeling attraction or desire, it's human emotion.
And the fact that this helped you out of that cloud of confusion... Our Lord works in mysterious ways, I know its cliche, but I think it's true.
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HELP PALESTINIAN ARCHITECT EVACUATE HER FAMILY FROM GAZA
This is a verified fundraiser for a family of four to evacuate to Cairo. The fund's creator, Amal Abu Shammala, reached out to me personally to share this since she's failed to get her fund on Operation Olive Branch and Let's Talk Palestine's fundraising linktree.
As of right now, she has raised €2,397/ €42,000. You can see the breakdown of what the money will be used for in the fund description.
Please give generously!
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