#But mostly the gay entourage

[iblameashley]

Allies, Uniform and Solidarity.

Military | Male | Gay

1,700 words Content: Homophobia, Violence (implied), Coming out, Allies, Happy ending, Poorly translated German

Sebastian Krueger | Male/Military Reader

!!!SFW!!!

It was a long day of training exercises and all you wanted to do was relax quietly in your quarters. The joint-military operation had been going mostly well until word got around that you were gay. It didn't take long for shit to hit the fan, and today didn't appear any different. And then Krueger appeared.

You were standing in the barracks, looking out the window as the rain poured and pattered against the glass. The training exercise had been completed just prior to the downpour and most of the men had made off the the common area to relax and socialize. You had opted to not join them, the exercises were bad enough with the looks and whispers from some of the other soldiers, and you just wanted to forget the unwanted attention that followed you since you had been outed on base.

There was a flash of light that momentarily blinded you, as if God himself was punishing the base. The loud crack of thunder ran in your ears, and as it subsided you heard the heavy steps of boots getting closer. They stopped at your door.

There was a heavy knock and you let out a sigh. “Come in.” You replied exasperated already.

The door creaked open and as you turned around you saw Staff Sergeant Dixon, an American also on loan for this joint operation, flanked by two of his lackeys whose names you couldn't be arsed to learn. You looked at them through half-lidded eyes and grit your teeth. You knew what was coming.

“Hey, fairy.” he sneered.

Fuck you wanted to deck that cocky face of his, but he was a superior officer and you were a guest on this base.

“The military is only for real men, not cock-sucking deviants. Why'd they even bring you here?” He added with a lopsided smirk.

You balled your hand into a fist but kept it at your side, letting your knuckles go white.

He took a step inside your quarters and postured like a neanderthal. The entourage stepped in behind him and you prepared for an altercation. A memory flashed in your mind of the first time you came out and the beating that ensued.

Dixon's brow furrowed, getting increasingly angry at your lack of response. A vein started to pulse in his forehead. “No one wants a faggot bunk-bunny, ya' hear?” He said, continuing his provocation.

He reached out and gripped at your uniform, pulling you close to his face.

“I'm fucking talking to you! Answer me!” He yelled. The smell of stale coffee lingering on his breath.

The muscles in your face twitched, disgusted by the smell. You swallow hard.

Never one to shy away from a cutting remark, even if it cost you a broken nose and a few bruised ribs, you smiled back at Dixon. “I guess they need to counterbalance my cock-sucking with your ass-sucking.” You taunted with a grin.

“The fuck did you just say?!” Dixon yelled as he shoved you backwards. His face reddened with indignation.

You stumbled and landed against the wall, bracing yourself on the windowsill. You took a moment before standing and regaining your composure.

As you steadied your body, you gave your neck and back a crack, readying yourself for the inevitable confrontation.

“Just calling it as I see it.” You fired back. You ran your tongue over your teeth as you positioned yourself to fight.

A small crowd was forming outside your door, wondering what the commotion was all about. Dixon's shadows stood there with arms crossed and shit-eating grins on their face, looking forward to what was about to happen.

“Still time to leave.” You reminded Dixon, offering him an out of this situation. “These are my quarters, after all.”

Dixon had just positioned himself with a fist pulled back when the crowd behind him parted.

“I believe the Sergeant gave you the chance to leave.” A voice boomed.

Lieutenant Krueger had materialized in the threshold of your doorway, his massive shoulders nearly filling the entry.

He stood there with his arms crossed over his tactical vest and his head wrapped in its usual scrim netting. “Vhat's going on here?” He asked in his thick German accent.

Dixon relaxed his arm and turned to Krueger; painting on a cocky-but-friendly look.

“Nothing going on here, sir.” Dixon replied, standing at attention.

You didn't need to see his face to know that Krueger didn't believe a word of it. He simply tilted his head slightly and thought for a moment.

You could see his brown eyes bouncing between you and Dixon. It was then you realized you were still poised for a fight. You let out a low breath and dropped your am to you side, standing up straight.

“Everyone out. Now!” Krueger commanded.

Without any hesitation, the group of soldiers began to file out and down the corridor silently.

He flashed Dixon another look.

“Don't wander far, ve're not done.” He scoffed as Dixon shuffled past him and out the door.

Krueger waited until he could no longer hear the boot steps before closing the door to your room.

His posture relaxed and he gestured towards my bed. “May I have a vord?” He asked in a surprisingly soft tone.

You had been under the impression you were about to get a lecture from the imposing man. Most of the soldiers had avoided Krueger unless running training exercises or reporting to him.

Suddenly your throat was dry and you could only give Krueger a nod before taking a seat on the edge of your bed. It creaked under your weight as you watch Krueger walk confidently to your desk and pull out your chair. He spun it around before taking a seat; leaning back and crossing one leg over the other. He cleared his throat.

“I saw most of vhat happened.” He began. He crossed his arms loosely over his chest. “Did he start it?” Krueger asked.

You swallow a lump in your throat; feeling like you've been pulled into the principals office. You stared at your boots for a moment before looking up to Krueger. He had to know what this was about. He had to.

“I don't want to start trouble.” You finally mumble. You rest your arms on your legs and tap at your knee anxiously.

“That's not vhat I asked you.” Krueger fired back.

You looked into his eyes, seeing the anger the burned in them, but you were just so tired of the never ending harassment since you had come out.

“With all due respect sir, what happens in my quarters is none of your business.”

Fuck. You fucked up. You knew it the moments the words fell from your mouth and you saw it in Kruegers eyes.

Kruger just sighed though and loosed up. “Ja, its true.” He nodded, “But you are a guest on this base and I don't want any problems.” I explained, his voice dropping to a more concerned tone. “But I also know prejudice well.” He continued after a beat.

"He started the verbal altercation, I was about to start the physical." You admitted. There was a knot of shame in your stomach that you didn't understand. You didn't really do anything wrong, so why feel this way? You didn't have time to really think it over though as Krueger wasn't done speaking.

He placed his foot back down on on the floor and leaned in.

“I know what its like to be...” He trailed off and his eyes darted back and forth as he composed his thoughts. “Its not accepted here to be... Especially not in the military.”

He let out a loud sigh before pulling his scrim down to expose his face.

Your eyes widened with surprise as you watched. He never did that. For anyone. But you couldn't help but commit his features to memory. The squared jaw, the full lips and broad nose. There was also the tan line, dry skin and a few scars, but he was still surprisingly handsome.

And then it hit you. While you were distracted by his face he had just admitted he was gay! Your brain nearly stopped working as that almost-confession was placed front and center in your thoughts.

“Are you..?” You asked cautiously. You leaned towards Krueger

“Es ist nicht einfach.” He sighed, fumbling back into German. “To be different but... inside still the same. To want the same...” He said pointing to his heart.

You could feel the frustration in his voice as a flood of emotions began to overtake him. You understood it well, the flurry of feelings well.

“Dieses Versteckenspiel, immer wachsam sein - es zermürbt einen. Aber was kann man tun, außer stark sein? Hier sind wir alle Brüder im Geiste, auch wenn andere es nicht sehen.” He continued, forgetting who he was speaking to. His hand waved in the air and he shrugged as he spoke. He leaned back in his chair and rubbed the bridge of his nose before looking at you.

You sat that with a confused look on your face.

“I... think I got the gist of that.” You remarked, a small smile forming on your face.

Kruegers chest began to bounce as he let out a breathy laugh that eventually turned into a boisterous laugh. It was deep and echoed through you room.

He shook his head and let out an embarrassed sigh. “Apologies. When I get fired up I sometimes slip back to German.” He explained.

You shook your head. “I think I get what you were saying. Its hard to keep the secret from everyone all the time?” You asked in a low voice.

“Ja.” Krueger nodded. “But we are also brothers, we are alike even if only we know.” He added for clarification.

“Thank you, Krueger.” You manage to choke out, he was the first ally you had since people had found out about your sexuality and this meant a lot.

“I... admire you.” Krueger added in a hushed tone. You felt the words laced with shame and sadness.

You cocked your head to the side and narrowed your eyes. “What do you mean?” You questioned him.

“You may not have desired to... come out.” Krueger fumbled with his thoughts again. “You are brave.” He finally asserted. “Despite all this, you still serve, you still do your job and work hard. And you do it being your true self. I admire that.”

To say you were shocked would have been an understatement. You were far too flabbergasted to reply or notice Krueger had stood up.

“You are relieved of training duties for tomorrow. I will inform your CO of what happened.” Krueger commanded, snapping you back to reality. “You were still ready to start a fight and you have to be reprimanded you for that.” He explained as he slowly made his way to the door.

He turned to look at you before fixing his scrim netting. “I am happy I have found a friend.”

You could feel his sincere smile from under the netting, and nodded in his direction.

“Now, if you'll excuse me, genossin... I must deal with that ass-hole, Dixon.“ He grumbled.

Krueger made a swift exit, closing the door behind him and leaving you with your thoughts. You had an ally and a friend. Your heart swelled with a joy it hadn't felt before. Now all you had to do was figure out how to transfer to another military.

[klaissance]

nobody asked but here is my pitch for a princess and the pauper klance au

Princess Allura of Altea generally likes her life. She lives in a palace with her father, King Alfor, her quirky tutor and longtime friend Coran, and her lady-in-waiting Romelle who she definitely is not in love with. Don't worry about it.

Her being totally not in love with Romelle is something to not worry about at all because actually, as of fairly recently, Allura is engaged! To a man (ew) she's never met (double ew): Prince Keith of Marmora. Their matrimony is to solidify an alliance between Altea and Marmora which, if everyone's being honest, is mostly to haul Altea out of its recent troubles. The kingdom is floundering and its people have been suffering for too long; this alliance with Marmora offers a fresh start and a royal wedding promotes economic stimulation, etc etc politics politics

Allura loves her people and her father so she's gonna suck it up and do this. But she can't and won't be jazzed about it all the time. Sometimes she wishes she could be anyone but herself, with the freedom to make selfish choices.

Anyway down in the town there is this boy named Lance McClain and he just so happens to have a vaguely similar facial structure to Altea's princess (rip this has to be a blue-eyed Lance story to work, huh) and he works at the dress emporium under Monsieur Iverson who is, frankly, an abusive boss. But Iverson is funding Lance's sister's education. The McClains need this, and so Lance pricks his fingers and works every waking hour for pennies that he never even gets to see. Lance loves his family so he's gonna do it but he can't and won't be jazzed about it all the time. Sometimes he wishes he could be anyone but himself, with the freedom to make selfish choices.

do u feel me on this guys

also Allura has five cats named Onyx, Ruby, Emerald, Sapphire, and Topaz and she loves them very much. But Sapphire has been acting strange recently...

Lance has this cat that he calls Blue that he doesn't actually have but she shows up night after night at his window and he feeds her and she lays on his lap while he works and he loves her very much

......it's the same cat *hold for applause*

anyway Romelle takes Allura into town to "run errands" or something but really it's just a date and one of Allura's last tastes of freedom before she gets hitched to whoever this Keith dude is

and Sapphire slips away and dashes through the streets and Allura chases her down and finds her perched on a windowsill in an alley being fed by a stranger who looks a little familiar and oh--

Lance and Allura finally meet and look at each other and are like woah we could definitely be siblings genetics are so weird

Bonded by their shared cat they get along splendidly and have a nice and surprisingly deep talk about their respective plights, and Allura promises to call on Lance soon

The next morning Coran and Romelle go to the princess only to find her bed empty save for a note that says she's taken the cats and run away...

The note is sus and then Sapphire shows up (from spending the night at Lance's.) Coran and Romelle know Allura would never leave just Sapphire behind, so they're immediately Not Buying It but they don't know who they can trust, and also this is a disaster because Prince Keith and his entourage are literally coming to visit today so they need to fix this asap

Romelle remembers the boy from the village who looked weirdly like Allura and she has the best/worst idea of all time...

Cue "To Be A Princess" as performed by Coran and Romelle at Lance, who by the end of the song is unclockable he's so good at princess cosplay

When "Allura" appears at dinner as scheduled, Alfor's advisor Zarkon and his shitty son Lotor are shook but they stay quiet

you guys lotor as preminger is so funny pLEASE

AND THEN KEITH SHOWS UP

Keith and his diplomat friends, The Holts, and his captain of the guard Shiro, pull up to dinner to meet Keith's future wife

Keith's a gay man he's not thrilled about this. She's certainly a handsome woman, if her portraits are to be believed, but there's nothing to be done about it. Lifelong bummer for Keith. Such is princedom.

So Keith and co. show up in Altea and they meet the princess and Keith swears she's a little broader in the shoulders and sharper in the jaw than he'd expected but chalks it up to shitty portraiture. He'll hire the court painter from Marmora when they're married.

Lance in his princess costume is like "oh lord he's fine" but then they go on a bunch of weird dates and mostly bicker a bunch because Keith hates that he's forced to be here and Lance is just sort of like that

meanwhile Allura's like busting her own ass out of the mines and lotor sings how can i refuse *hold for standing ovation*

and since Sapphire didn't get kidnapped with the other cats she's still around and Lance talks to her in the bath and is generally just being silly goofy and Keith happens to walk by and hear Lance talking in his normal tone to somebody named "Blue" and the door happens to be a little open and Keith happens to peek--he doesn't even know why he literally doesn't even like women--and wait just a fucking second that is a boy and a wig on the floor and Keith to himself is like 'um should i complain about being lied to, something wack is going on here' and then he's like 'wait I'm gay and he's hot let's see how this plays out' and says nothing LMAO

but then their little dates get way more interesting because Keith is trying to tease out this secret and also is like,, actually interested

maybe they do a horseback riding date where Lance gets to wear pants and have the big platinum wig tied back and he feels a little more like himself and he and Keith hardly even bicker anymore they just sort of have a great time together and Lance feels a little insane for this whole thing but he really likes him but he has to tell him the truth and he's literally about to admit it

but then Lotor comes back from checking on Allura in the mines and knows the princess at the palace is a fake so he calls Lance out and rips the wig off, the whole thing, and Lance is thrown in the dungeon when moments ago he was literally a hair's breadth away from kissing Keith on the mouth UGH life is so cruel

Lotor and Zarkon convince Alfor that Allura is dead and they plot to strike and stage their coup during her funeral or something idk

But meanwhile Romelle and Allura and the cats are power-lesbianing their way out of the mines, and meanwhile meanwhile Keith busts Lance out of jail and they go also to the mines to try to save Allura

just four gays and their cats standing at the mines like ok what now

they bust into the funeral proceedings and wreck Lotor's shit, Allura definitely throws him over her shoulder and skips him like a rock and they explain everything to Alfor

Lotor and Zarkon go to jail and Altea is saved even without the marriage alliance because Allura and Romelle found extra stores of quintessence locked in the geodes in the mines or whatever

Lance is now so thoroughly sponsored by not one but two royal families that his family will want for nothing ever again--his siblings are put on royal scholarship to any school of their choosing in either Altea or Marmora. Lance himself has always wanted to travel, so he does, and he writes letters to Keith the whole time and when he returns Keith is waiting for him and they do a big gay double wedding with Allura and Romelle just like in the Barbie movie <3

the end

[goshdangronpa]

Sayaka Maizono!!

Hi, anon! I'm so glad someone asked about her, she's always fun to think about. A character you can really play around with in different contexts and interpretations. It's weird that I haven't written a story about her yet.

Sexuality Headcanon: Sayaka is straight-up gay. I saw that one bit from Danganronpa S, they're no way she could like Makoto as more than a friend!

Gender Headcanon: Cis, but the type who's actually thought a lot about gender rather than passively assuming that vagina = girl. I believe she'd support a transfem idol ... so long as she remains the Ultimate.

A ship I have with said character: I recently wrote about a couple of reasons why I find ikuzono so appealing! It can be a real mutually healing relationship, with two people who've hurt and been hurt finding solace and sympathy and redemption in each other. It can also be a relationship where they bury bodies together. I've also read a truly great (and tragically incomplete) series that anyone who likes Sayaka, Mukuro, and good writing in general should check out: Sing Me a Song of Despair!

A BROTP I have with said character: Sayaka's goal is to be an inspiration for girls and women. All girls and women. As a transfem Chihiro supporter, I quite enjoy the idea of this embodiment of femininity helping Chihiro reconcile some of her gender hang-ups. Women with strength don't have to be ripped like Sakura, athletic like Aoi, or scary like Genocide Jack. They can be beautiful, sweet, girly, confident, and determined like Sayaka. I think her support would really shake Chihiro's worldview ... though Sayaka might still agree with her that it's a dog-eat-dog world out there.

A NOTP I have with said character: Sayaka is virtually the only female Danganronpa student I wouldn't ship with Ibuki, mostly because I'm really committed to a rather detailed sayabuki arc that ends in turmoil. Two teen girls hit the big time at the same time, and their managers get the bright idea of pairing their acts in a summer package tour. As they travel across the country and work hard to one-up each other's performances, they show each other the weirder sides of themselves that the public doesn't get to see. They bond over a mutual passion for music ... and, one night, discover a mutual passion for girls. It doesn't take long for them to start exploring their sexuality together, snatching kisses and cuddles in the rare moments when they can evade their bandmates and entourages. Ibuki lets herself fall wildly in love ... but Sayaka's keenly aware that the tour will end. One night, after sneaking onto the roof of a supermarket after hours to have a truly private moment and watch the stars, Sayaka asks, "You know this won't last ... right?" She lays it out: idols aren't allowed to date anybody, much less someone of the same sex, and she won't compromise her career or her dream over a little summer affair. Ibuki’s devastated. It proves to be the last push she needs to drop her own pretenses and be her true, freaky self, ultimately splitting the band and creating the rock iconoclast we know and love. Sayaka would still think about her sometimes, even listen to her new singles when few former fans would, wonder if that girl was right that prioritizing her career over her relationships may bring success but not fulfillment ... She doesn't regret anything.

A random headcanon: Sayaka didn't accept the invitation to Hope's Peak immediately because she feared it would eat up precious time in a career that's already expected to end in her late 20s at most. She eventually accepted for precisely that reason: that Ultimate status will open doors long after the industry stops seeing her as youthful enough to sing on stage.

General Opinion over said character: I'm of two minds, and both are extremely positive. 1) How can anyone possibly dismiss Sayaka as a loathesome snake when the entire goddamn point of that first murder trial is that the killing game, one of the most stressful and extreme situations a human being and especially a literal kid could ever face, could compel even an otherwise kind person to commit murder? You don't have to like her for her attempt at murdering Leon and framing Makoto, but if you don't buy that Sayaka was ever a nice person, I reckon you've missed the point of Danganronpa. 2) Sayaka has a devious and coldly pragmatic side ... and that's fun. I like the idea that she's generally kind and sweet, but a bit of a sneaky bitch when she really wants something or really doesn't care for someone. In a non-despair AU, this would be ripe for drama and especially comedy! Let her be little a snake, as a treat🐍

[leisureaddiction]

i bring a sort of i love the shifting cult of self-diagnosis vibe to the renewed interest in anti-psychiatry which is at odds with its popular dictums

anyway the dsm is like astrology now only the traits are potentially real. this was spurred by a post about personality disorders and i think bpd in the general younger generational mindset is shifting where people understand its actually just being a girl/gay and acting out about it, but also people are diagnosed with it with such less frequency now to the point i was genuinely shocked when a naive friend got diagnosed with it last year. but my primary interest lies in autism. i don't think most people in the new wave of people diagnosed with autism have an intellectual disability even as we permit the extent to which disabilities are constructed (myself included). calling it "neurodiversity" is amusingly apt because what is actually happening is (alongside the more obnoxious ensnarment of identity politics by neoliberalism) the increasing acknowledgement that people are, in general, neurologically diverse in ways they have to repress at great pains for whatever normative value set

you might say this somehow curtails actual acceptance of peoples capacities as being varied by designating it as a discrete demographic thing, but that's not how i'm seeing it play out. adhd is slightly more problematic for me because its so performance and productivist in its construction. but the cult of autism is just about being socially unacceptable and sensitive to the pressures of the world. and self-identified autistics are a very radical entourage of people, and diagnosis seems to enhance not inhibit this - once people accept that they just kind of are a certain way and struggle with whatever they struggle with and it isn't necessarily such a moral or personal failing, in my experience the people for whom this is a disempowering victimhood trap are fewer than those it emboldens and frees. i am not, mostly, seeing people identifying with the socially unaccceptable aspects of their neurological make-up as diminishing sympathy for or interest in the experience of people with intellectual and physical disabilities, in fact to me it seems the opposite. accepting autism, or even adhd, for many is the beginning of accepting the fact of disability and illness and the inequality and cruelty of the naturalisation of and normative insistence upon health, which will increasingly cease to exist for people in general. and the legions of self-identified neurodiverse and chronically ill/disabled people with the social mobility to advocate for themselves and others are a self-generating army ready to siphon the increasingly disabled population away from neoliberalist death drive+capitalist realism+fascism

there is obviously the "mirror world" to quote naomi kleins book that i didn't even like that much of autistics identifying with incel stuff and being captured by the community of the alt right, but conversely there is queerness, transness and madness culture and the intersection thereof diverting those trajectories and radicalising people in the other direction i actually have many more thoughts obviously and about how this extends and doesn't to other self-identifications with madness, but i'm bored of typing now :-)

[culturenosh]

Is Róisín Murphy transphobic?

On Wednesday, the Twitter feeds of internet-pilled LGBTQ+ people across the world lit up with a dismaying piece of information:

Róisín Murphy had gone full transphobe.

It's not clear yet if this is real - as of this writing, Murphy hasn't commented, and this kind of screenshot is pretty easily faked. Still, the screenshot was enough to send certain segments of social media into overdrive. Her comments and replies have been inundated with disappointed, angry fans and transphobes who are thrilled to have found a new public figure to latch onto.

For at least two decades, Murphy's musical output and public persona have been centered on campy performances of diva-dom. Her voice communicates arch, haughty reserve even at her most emotional, and her work fits squarely within a post-disco dance-pop tradition that has been pioneered by queer people; her aesthetics play with superficiality, glamour, and gender in ways that feel particularly attuned to queer culture. The video for her song "Movie Star" literally shows her strolling around town with an entourage of drag artists.

Aside from the dismay, this comment seemed like unbelievable self-sabotage. She's spent her entire career cultivating a fanbase of people who do not fit within gender norms, pulling inspiration from the work and lives of queer people. Where did this come from? How could she have missed the point so spectacularly?

Yet, while I'm on record as a fan of hers, I watched this all unfold and felt... nothing. A little disappointed, but mostly numb - and, somehow, totally unsurprised.

In 2020, much was made of the supposed "disco revival." Artists like Dua Lipa, Kylie Minogue, Jessie Ware, and - yes - Murphy released records that nominally played with the sound and imagery of disco. I'd argue that, as a whole, this moment was more indebted to house and techno and turn-of-the-decade electropop - and, above all, the postmodern distance that characterized French touch. It wasn't disco; it was "disco." Rather than reflecting the physical thrill of real disco, it drew on the flattened, 2D aesthetic that has come to characterize that musical movement in online spaces. It was about nostalgia, not euphoria; and nostalgia is not depth.

While Murphy's Róisín Machine was easily the best album of this mini-wave - the most considered, the most well-written, the most sonically playful and experimental - it was still, at its core, backwards-looking. It was less interested in updating its influences than it was in projecting Murphy into an imagined past where her arch posture could still scan as transgressive. To her credit, the record did this very successfully! But while she took inspiration from queer music of the past, she also gracefully elided the need to pay attention to queer people of the present. Her allyship only ever extended as far as an aesthetic feature in a music video. She is a pop musician, not an an activist. She is not that deep.

In the past, I've been an enthusiastic booster of the gay-pandering-popstar-industrial complex. (I am, after all, a longtime Charli XCX fan.) This mode of listening encourages a parasocial connection between me and my chosen diva - I imagine that, because of our shared aesthetic taste, we must also share the same values and experiences. But aesthetics are just surface level, and pop stars lie. Their job is to appear the way their audience desires them to appear - to anticipate and direct those desires - so that the audience will give them money.

I'm tired of diva worship and popstars and glamour and beauty. I'm tired of rationalizing a good feeling in my body - the bouncy, stomach-dropping thrill of a four-on-the-floor beat and a catchy hook - as moral rectitude. I'm tired of idolization, tired of the music industry, tired of these predictable outrage cycles where everyone must grandstand on the internet. I'm tired of finding out, over and over and over again, that some famous musician that I will never meet thinks that I should die. But I'm never surprised. Surprise requires faith, and I have no faith in popstars.

[subiysu-chan]

Modern AU Subyss Headcanons

Warning: quite harsh content here. 

-Now, I think that Subyss is a poor candidate for any ideology because of his deranged personality. Usually, ideologues don’t actively look for nutcases. He’s far too self-indulgent for modern-day far-right ideologies, and even the most destructive far-lefties would deem him to be bad publicity. 

-Typically, executioners and torturers who come from long lines tend to be apolitical. They would often times be devoutly spiritual, but keep out of political ideas and just pay lip service to the dominant one so that they are left alone. They also tend to believe in the State’s monopoly on violence. 

-Now, modern AU Subyss is unlikely to come from a torturer bloodline, but in terms of personality disorders, which combines an alcohol problem with a sadistic personality and histrionic personality disorder would most likely be seduced by centrism. Since, for his canon self, it’s strongly implied he’s gay, and the tattoo seem to denote some Romanian gypsy or Yenish origins, I don’t think he would come even close to anything regarding Nazism or Isis style Islam. Also, his extreme sadism would make it difficult for him to maintain any job. 

-With that said, he would probably be involved in the slaughterhouse industry, but be unable to maintain a job there because of how sadistically violent he would be. 

-He would have short term contracts with disc houses. I would imagine him to be a signer as his “cover up” job, with his music style being folk, chanson or rock, mostly sang in Yenish and in French. 

-If he would have access to Internet, I am pretty sure he would have a musical Youtube channel.

-However, it is likely he would be involved in porn of questionable legality as an actor. He would do BDSM style whippings on actresses, and would often get subject himself to that style of treatment. 

-Modern Day France is a land of illegal immigration, and this illegal immigration sadly opens up doors to human trafficking, often as sex-slaves. However, even some legal porn studios have highly unethical practices. 

-Since often times, newly arrived economic migrants become the merchandise for these illegal porn sites...You guessed it. He thus would be probably a polyglot, with his mother-tongue being Yenish, second language French and he would have probably learned some Arabic, English, Swahili and\or Russian or Ukrainian. He would not speak them, but would be able to vaguely make out the subject of a conversation. 

-Because of his entourage, he would know about the absolutely human-rights violating sex-lives of many politicians and buisnessmen. He would use that knowledge to afford himself luxury goods and travels his normal income would not allow for. 

-He would probably be on the Dark Web. 

-His lifestyle would probably be crazy...Like, on one day he would get f-cked and whipped live on camera, second day he would beat a woman’s breasts and then do quite nasty stuff, then the rest of the week he would go between repetitions for concerts and whenever he’s not in a studio, he would drink himself to a stupor. Rinse, wash, repeat. His already congenital mental health issues combined with this life-style would make him unable and unwilling to get a normal life. 

-His only way out would be catching a severe illness. 

-That said, he might have a slightly larger chance of rehabilitation, because this getting involved in torture lifestyle would have started at 18 at opposed to something closer to age 12, and we now have access to mental health services. That said, rehabilitation would be near impossible. 

[yeonban]

ROMANCE & RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS.

@furiaei asked: 3, 4 şi 7 (dpdv emoțional) pt Tobias

3. has your muse been mainly attracted to men, women, non-binary people, another identity not specified, or an even split (between two, many, or all of the options specified)?

I've actually been thinking about this the other day and after tons of thorough consideration I believe he has a preference for men, even though most people wouldn't notice it for a while thanks to his typical entourage! He's flirted with and slept with more women than men over the years mostly because he hasn't met as many interested bi/gay men as he's met interested bi/straight women, but he feels and has always felt more comfortable around men.

There's an infinitesimal potential for Tobias to ever romance anyone, but in his entire history (including lore and rps here) he's only ever had two crushes and they've both been on men. Since he has such little interest in dating and there's no precedent of him having ever experienced anything remotely similar to "catching feelings" or "incessant interest" for women, it's hard for me to imagine if he would one day be inclined to romance one or not, but for now I'll say that physically he's attracted to both women and men in roughly the same % amount, but when it comes to the concept of romance there's a huuuge lean towards men.

4. does your muse find any specific features particularly attractive?

Blond hair!!! I used to meme about this when I first created him, but he's genuinely more attracted to blondes than to people with any other hair color. It's not just an aesthetics-based approach though. He tends to like blondes more because he's had overwhelmingly positive interactions with all of the ones he's met thus far, so he's come to subconsciously associate 'blond' with 'fun'. Elijah, his best/childhood friend, is blond. Mello, his first/childhood crush, is blond. The people he's met or heard about through rp and enjoyed spending time with or talking to- namely Ash, Misa, J, Vill, Johan etc, they're all blondes. The list of fun non-blond people he's met is incredibly short by comparison.

Beyond blond hair there aren't any physical characteristics that he has a particular interest in. The closest second would be people who look like they regularly take care of themselves (whether through their appearance or through their health) but that's not exactly a feature, so it probably doesn't count!

7. where is your muse most sensitive?

I'll reply to this one in regards to both aspects of the question just to cover all my bases! ADJSAHDSAGDSH

Physically, he's most sensitive on his neck. It's an area that he'd rather strangers not touch, but it's not that he'll necessarily stop people from touching it, it's just that he won't feel the most comfortable during a touch like that unless he likes the person. This might also be partly caused by his tendency to be cautious, since the throat is his most vulnerable spot on top of naturally being his most sensitive one. Chances are that people will not be able to tell, though, since he never flinches nor allows any other indicator to become visible. In others' eyes, it's all the same wherever they touch!

Mentally and emotionally, there aren't any particularly sore spots that others could take advantage of. Tobias doesn't have fears, anxieties or regrets. There's nothing someone could talk to him about that would make him feel sad. The only emotion he does regularly feel is anger, and if you want to make him angry (really NOT recommended) then your safest bet would be through betrayal (betraying him or someone close to him, to be more specific), and the second best would be getting in the way of his plans. The people he's prioritized finding and killing in the most brutal ways have been those who've betrayed him, and the ones who have managed to piss him off the fastest have been the people who've made his carefully crafted plans redundant by intervening in them, whether intentionally or accidentally (clearly the former warranted a worse reaction than the latter, however).

This is pretty impossible to achieve nowadays since no one left alive has had the chance to meet his parents to be able to make this comparison and have him believe their words (they have to be genuine, spoken from the heart; not an obvious attempt at irritating him) but his mood would turn sour incredibly fast if someone who had met them were to tell him that he looks just like them, a perfect copy of his parents looks-wise.

[seeminglyseph]

I’m getting better at BG3 I think if only because I think I’m learning to use the hide mechanic actually and managed to beat the Gnolls pretty easily and only spent a little bit of time singing “regular gnoll” to myself as a critrole reference that I think is also referenced in the game when you collect their ears, but that might also be pushing it. But I can have my double nerd moment. While starting to suck marginally less at video games.

Also I’m accepting that I’m just gay and like to have an entourage of hot guys following me around and that’s mostly acceptable except I talked Gale about Raphael before Wyll and Gale made a *really* compelling argument about Raphael being like. *Too* interested. So like. Yeah Wyll is definitely the smarter man. Gale is definitely the guy who is going to get me in a bad situation, but sorry, Wyll. I wanna see what Raphael is desperate for. It might lead to something I can use later.

I’m high Int low Wis. and a wizard. Of course I’ll think I can outsmart a devil. I have read so many books and never left my house.

[gascon-en-exil]

FE15 Liveblogging: Rise of the Gay Entourage...er, Deliverance

Because it really does warrant its own post. So. Much. Gay. (and also other things)

The actual maps:

Meh. I enjoyed having maps with fixed characters like some of Fates’s DLC for basically the same reason I liked it then (less RPG, more tactics - a good break from all the grinding I’ve been doing). Having all but one of the four be reused maps from the main game felt a little lazy though. Also, the NPCs in the first two are either idiots or so fatalistic that they’ll just stand in one place and get killed.

Clair and Mathilda:

No F/F vibes here I’m sorry to say. Most of Clair’s development centers around her role as Lachesis 4.0 or something like that. At least she displays genuine development in the Mathilda supports and elsewhere without needing to see her brother get tragically offed, but then you remember she ends by marrying Gray and it gets kind of stupid again.

Mathilda meanwhile is still being her usual lowkey Domme self. I would have appreciated more commentary on gender dynamics from the two of them or at least some hint that she wouldn’t really mind her stay-in-the-kitchen ending, but no luck. Incidentally, it’s so random that Clive and Mathilda are the only characters aside from the Ram kids and Conrad to get younger portraits for flashback scenes.

Fernard:

Even the memory of him and Mathilda can’t shake the strong romantic/erotic vibes I’m getting from his relationship with Clive. Actually that memory just makes my triangulation of desire even stronger since Mathilda herself admits (very strangely) that she almost thinks of Clive and Fernand as the same person. Then there’s the Fernand x Clair memory which outright proclaims that there’s something unusual about Fernard’s devotion - at least as unusual as Clair wanting to marry a man identical to her brother in every way. Also interesting is that we see the beginnings of the catfight fallout between Fernand and Lukas over the latter’s surprising display of pragmatism in the fourth map. Fernand actually sounds jealous that Lukas might have become Clive’s new “confidant” (ahem). There’s also another mention of ripping out tongues, so I suppose this is just a thing with these two.

Forsyth:

Is gay for Clive and probably more than a little gay for Lukas too, and Python seems fully aware of it and has the innuendo all ready to go. He compares Forsyth’s reaction to Lukas praising him to a maid who’d just been asked for her hand in marriage, for heaven’s sake. That said, Clive/Forsyth is clearly the more imbalanced relationship; his “I WANT to put you on my pedestal!” may deserve to replace Inigo’s “I want to be manhandled!” in the annals of memetic queerbait-y FE lines, but he doesn’t seem comfortable negotiating the class divide. The exchange does however offer the image of an amusing offscreen incident involving Forsyth trying and failing to treat Python as he does Clive and Lukas having to break up the resulting fight. Oh, and the ending to the Clive x Forsyth B support, wherein Forsyth stumbles over Clive asking him to treat him exactly as he does Python, is hilariously suggestive.

Lukas x Forsyth is less humorous overall but more revealing about both characters, and it’s easy to see the two of them finding common ground in reading and other pursuits and letting things develop from there.

Python:

Sure, Python talks about women for the first and only time ever, and while it may just be my bias talking it rang a little false for me. Since when has Python ever seemed like the kind of guy who’d want to be the center of attention? At any rate, he comes off as very queer-friendly with Lukas and an “outsider” by his own description. I also can’t help but hear the VA’s enunciation of “sir” as both sardonic and slightly erotic, so the sub headcanons just write themselves. The end of Lukas x Python also serves as a callback to the Shinon x Gatrie supports in FE9, which also end with an archer offering to take a knight out on the town to distract him from his issues with women. Past FE precedent*, yay.

Covering Clive x Python under Clive’s heading.

*And since FE15 is overall more open about discussing its queer issues in explicit terms than Tellius is, Lukas/Python feels both healthier and more self-aware than sexual Shinon/Gatrie.

Lukas:

Now the second-most explicitly queer character in FE15 after Leon, with only the nature of his queerness subject for debate. Is he gay or asexual? I’d say he’s definitely homoromantic since he’s clearly seeking emotional validation from Clive that he’s mostly not getting - to say nothing of his hatred of Fernand. Fortunately for him he does acknowledge at the end of their supports that Python would treat him well, and as mentioned earlier he bonds well with Forsyth too.

Perhaps more surprising though are his actions that secure the Deliverance’s escape from Zofia Castle. He displays a willingness to commit war crimes that is only selectively deployed among FE’s good guys (Micaiah, Robin, Conquest!Corrin indirectly), and while it does save them he gets called out for it by Fernand. Strangely this event is also germane to discussion of Lukas’s sexuality, because he states that Clive has a sense of “rightetousness” that he himself lacks. Between this, the lack of fire in the loins, and the “cold observer” business in his supports with Clive I think we’re to take it that Lukas doesn’t feel much of anything, or that if he does it’s severely repressed. And not for the same reason that Fernand is repressing his feelings for Clive - clearly a social thing - but possibly as a remnant of his father forcing him to abandon his interests in favor of military training and his brother forcing him to join the Deliverance and possibly die in it. He’s just sadder and more screwed up the more we learn about him.

There’s a silver lining, though; Lukas tells Clive that he doesn’t really have a home anymore, meaning he now considers the Deliverance his home and his family. Clive is just bound to disappoint him, but there’s always Forsyth and Python....

Clive:

Still has far too many people angling to get in his pants. His supports with Python continue FE15′s trend of presenting what may be the series’s most nuanced take on classism and the true value of the setting’s quasi-medieval political and social system. As a quasi-aristocrat myself I’m inclined to side more with Clive and sympathize with Fernand, but Python makes his case with substantially more grace (go figure) than a certain blue-haired commoner lord. It’s also nice to see this line of criticism picked up by someone who isn’t Alm, since some of the fanbase seems to think that his being secretly royalty invalidates his takedowns of classist nobles.

So yeah, great DLC content on the whole. It’s just a shame that we probably won’t be getting any more other than the Cipher characters. This stuff’s way more illuminating and entertaining than nostalgic rehashes of older games or AUs starring eugenics babies.

[myafterlifeisbetterthenyours]

Honestly how do you think the sexually active characters like Angel Dust, Verosika, Valentino, Stolas would react to their lover not really caring about the sex they have but rather their relationship as lovers (Also I love your work and im not saying that to be nice your work speaks for itself, good job you earned those thousand followers)

Their reaction to an S/O that cares more about romance then Sex

Angel Dust

He was... kind of unnerved.

The idea of you wanting to be with him just for him, was kinda terrifying.

What If you got past all the glitz and glamour, All the manicured furr and fluff, and sex appeal and found... someone you didn't love.

And took a long, long time to get through that insecurity. Angel taking a lot of comforting and assurance that you, in fact, loved him for him. Not just for what he could do in the bedroom.

Honestly, when he realised as much. That you truly loved him for him and not his sexual prowess. He'd Probably break down crying.

I imagine the spider clinging to you, just bawling his eyes out. The spider clinging to you, desperately not wanting you to leave him.

He would become very protective of you, the spider finally finding someone who genuinely loved him, and was determined to keep you.

So if another bitch so much as looked at you, hed be in there face. Making sure everyone in a three block radius knows you belong to him.

Angel would tell he could be honest with you. The spider exposing his more sensitive side, allowing himself to be vulnerable with you.

The spider confided in you, able to trust you with his secrets and traumas, and there were many.

And while your relationship was not based around sex, something that made Angel smile every time he thought about it. Angel still very much enjoyed Sex.

He was a very physical person, and knowing that you didn't just love his physicality, well, that only made him more physical, specifically with you.

And every time you asked if he really wanted to do it, or if he was enjoying it, it only made him live you more, the spider feeling safe when with you.

Verosika

Verosika was, well, she is, A sex demon.

The woman was a Succubus. The most lustful, lewd and perverted beings in hell, only rivalled by Incubus and Asmodeus, obviously.

So being in a relationship with someone who wasn't really interested in sex, it was strange.

Alien really. At least for her.

She'd never met anyone who wasn't interested in her for her body. I mean, sure she'd met a lot of gay dudes and straight women, although women were a lot like spaghetti around her.

Straight until wet.

She loved that joke, and initially, when you'd asked her out, taking her to a fairly nice restaurant, she was expecting more of the same.

But out on the date and well, you spoke.

Not chit-chat, or make small talk, you actually spoke to one and other.

You told stories, spoke about your week and had a genuine conversation. It was odd for her, as the most sophisticated conversation she'd usually have was with her entourage, either about her latest escapade, or her next performance.

But she found herself actually speaking to you, telling you about things shed never really told anyone about, mostly because no one had ever asked.

Youd have a lovely meal, still chatting, before you'd walk her home. And well, you just give her a kiss, promising to do it again some time.

That had left a weird feeling in her gut, as on one hand she had really wanted to sleep with you. But on the other, she really loved that you didn't just fuck on the first date.

And you would go on another date, the two of you seeing a movie.

It was a simple rom-com, the theatre practically empty, the two of you quickly getting bored, and when Verosika asked if maybe, you'd like to "have a little fun" *Wink Wink*

Youd just politely refused, instead asking about her week. The girl once again, was taken off guard, but happily ranted about her week, the two of you having another lovely conversation.

Youd again walked her home, but this time she'd invite you in for coffee.

She had intended on seducing you, but ended up just spending your time talking again, it getting so late, she offered for you to stay over.

And while she had slunk into bed, intent on doing dirty things, she would end up dozing off curled into your side.

Youd continue on a very romantic relationship, the woman pleasantly surprised by your rather seamless relationship, the woman feeling like what you had was real.

It wasn't just a sex filled fling. It was a tender, loving and intimate romance something she admittedly took some time to get used to, but it wasn't long until she loved you as much as she knew you loved her, the woman surprisingly happy not having to have sex to keep your relationship alive.

Thats not to say you didn't have sex, because you absolutely did.

Valentino

Youd meet in a club, the two of you striking up a conversation.

He was honestly caught up by your rather charming conversational skills. You were quite the conversationalist, the Overlord quite intrigued by you, finding himself wanting to speak to you further.

Eventually he'd invite you up to his place, you happily joining him.

Youd go up to his penthouse, the Overlord proudly giving you a tour of his fancy penthouse.

You'd end up in the kitchen, the Overlord genuinely stumped at how he ended up with a cup of coffee in his hand, the two of you talking at his table.

He was surprised at how comfortable he was with you. The Overlord telling you about his day to day, ranting about all the shit he has to deal with on a daily bases with surprising ease, the man finding himself very comfortable with you.

He'd eventually ask you out, you happily accepting.

He'd take you out to a fine meal at only the finest of restaurants, the two of you having a wonderful night out.

You would talk, eat delicious food and drink even finer spirits. Afterwards you would go back to his place, and well, you'd make sweet, sweet love.

You continue seeing each other for the next few months, going out on several more dates, your relationship getting closer and closer, the man amazed at how little sex you had.

It wasn't so much the absence of sex, hed dated flinty of fridget bitched, but his reaction. He didn't mind it. Not one bit.

The man found himself loving your relationship, even though he usually despised serious relationship, instead preferring it loose and fast, bit with you, he loved your relationship.

The man felt as though your relationship actually meant something, you never all to Interested in his glamorous lifestyle.

In fact, you spent almost all time together... he dare say, being traditionally romantic and shit.

Youd go on simple, but romantic dates, and you spent great lengths just speaking, the man shocked to find how much he just needed to say shit, venting about his day.

And of course, he'd spoil you, treating you to every luxury at his disposal.

But he didn't need to. And that's what he loved about you. You enjoyed your time together just... by being together.

Stolas

Stolas was the apology of a lovable owl.

Your first meeting was very fumbly. You'd be at a royal gathering, you managing to stumble your way in, ending up at a table enjoying the free wine.

That's when you'd see the owl, the man just sitting there, staring at his drink.

Seeing him like that, you'd strike up a conversation. And while initially taken aback, the man would quickly engage in conversation, the man happily chatting with you, especially when you seemed to genuinely engage with him.

Youd talk, laugh, exchange stories and just generally enjoyed the conversation. The owl finding himself genuinely caught up in your conversation, greatly enjoying your company.

But, as they tend to do, all good things come to an end. The two of you prepared to go your separate ways as the party began to disperse.

But on an impulse decision, Stolas would ask if he could see you again. You, a little caught off guard, agreed, telling him a time and place, the owl eagerly agreeing.

It'd be a few days later when you had your first 'date', the two of you meeting up at a coffee shop, the two of you finding a booth and before chatting.

Youd had a very genuine back and forth, you asking about life as an Goetia. And of course he put up a brave face, you could tell he was putting up a brave face, it not taking a lot of pushing before he broke down a little, telling you how difficult and stressful his life was.

All the petty BS he went through every day before lunch. It could get so bad, he felt like tearing his hair out.

Hearing this, and wanting to help the poor man, you'd decide he needed to unwind.

And you would unwind by taking him out clubbing. Now your first step was a change of clothes, you getting a mismatch of what he so humbly called "peasant garb", the owl almost unrecognisable in a mismatch outfit.

Youd go to a club. You'd drink, you'd dance, Stolas being absolutely free to be himself. And he would go ape.

By the end of the night, the Owl would be totally exhausted, and loved it. The owl grabbing you and giving you a big kiss, the man thanking you.

Youd welcome the man, before kissing him back, the two of you spending the night together.

That would mark the beginning of your relationship. And a romantic relationship it was.

Your relationship was very much based on romance, you and your owl absolutely loving each other.

Youd meet up a few times a week, usually at a bar or Cafe, the two of you spending hours upon hours just speaking.

Youd listen as he ranted about his day, or lamented on an aspect of his life. You happy to listen or give advice, explaining it from your perspective.

And while these conversations were all good, your bonding time really came when you went out.

Now granted, you had to be subtle about it, but you'd often go out together, usually with Stolas in more "peasant garb". Not wanting to get attention in his royal garb.

You went to parks, to movies, Stolas especially like bargain shopping. Going through used and obviously stolen goods, you'd often have contests on who could find the weirdest things, Stolas somehow winning most of the time. The man usually keeping the strange item as a memento.

You had such a romantic relationship, the two of you opening up on a very intimate level.

The man found a confidant in you, the man venting, opening up to you about his deepest darkest secrets.

The man confiding in you about his forced marriage, or his abysmal relationship with his father, big shocker from a noble I know. Or how Octavia was the only truly good thing in his life.

If Stolas prayed to anyone, you'd be the answer to those prays.

Youd be exactly what the man needed, allowing him some much needed intimacy, the man absolutely adoring his time with you.

And of course, you'd have sex. But your sex was always tender, loving and deeply intimate.

Youd truly, make love.

[amarguerite]

Once Upon a One More Time

I saw the new Brittney Spears jukebox musical. It was a fever dream. I cannot describe it any better. I will say that I am not convinced that jukebox musicals are good. They are entertaining, but I’ve never seen one where I’ve thought, “wow this had something interesting and original to say!”

This one was... original, I will give you that, but it had the extremely confused messaging of a freshman in Feminist History 101 trying at the last minute to put together a presentation on The Feminine Mystique while still drunk and/or high from the Britney Spears-themed party in the living room her roommates were still at. Our frazzled Freshman pulled up a bunch of Disney movies to drown out the party, and instead of writing her paper, hallucinated this. 

What I think actually happened is that the musical writers were given Britney Spears’s back catalogue, told that she likes fairy tales, and then tried to rewrite Into the Woods using only Britney Spears bangers, and Cliff Notes version of The Feminine Mystique. 

The plot, such as it is, is that all the popular fairy tale characters live in a pocket dimension together, ruled over by the autocratic narrator, who insists that they endlessly perform their stories, while gaslighing them that they had ever been different or could be different (Cinderella’s Stepmother-- whose performance was just SNL’s Kate McKinnon pretending to be in an old movie-- at once point says, “Don’t you remember how dark this used to be? I used to cut off your sister’s toes!” and Cinderella going, “Oh wow, I totally forgot about that!”). Cinderella is our man character. She wants More, in the traditional Disney princess sense of “vague dissatisfaction with my life” and her fairy godmother (the notorious OFG, who was giving real pop culture Ruth Bader Ginsberg vibes) gives her a copy of The Feminine Mystique, which then inspires all the princesses to take a good look at their lives, realize that the prince they always marry in the end is the same prince, throw him down a wishing well, and go on strike. The narrator then banishes all the princesses to some weird glass holding cell “at story’s end,” which Cinderella then has to break by throwing her shoe at it. The princesses then all storm the castle and tie up the narrator, who magically has his mind changed and lets them write their own stories. Cinderella then thanks the fairy godmother, OFG, for the book and asks how OFG knew it would help. Turns out OFG was not merely an escaped princess, but Betty Friedan! THE END. 

This bonkers plot gives the implication that 

a) Betty Friedan was a fairy tale princess who somehow gained magical powers and I guess just decided to matriculate at Smith College in defiance of her lack of education in fairy tale land

b) Betty Friedan is still alive (she died in 2006!)

c) Betty Friedan is now a fairy godmother in possession of magical powers

I would DEARLY love to know what her estate thinks of this. 

THE GOOD:

-Act I is a real fun romp

-There’s a subplot about one of Prince Charming’s dance entourage, Prince Erudite the Chaste, falling in love with Clumsy the Dwarf and they walk out of Act II with a little girl (the Reader) whom they have presumably adopted. There were like, mostly women in their 30s and gay couples with children at the performance I was at, so I thought, “oh how cute, I bet those dads are sobbing right now.” -The Prince was played by Justin what’s-his-name from season 1 of American Idol and he was really magnificent. Great dancer, great singer, very convincingly played the prince as an idiot fuckboi 

-Some real fun uses of the big hits.  a. “Hit Me Baby One More Time,” becomes the opening number, “Pick My Once Upon a Time,” which was... not good and the lyric changes were very stupid, but my friend and I shrieked with laughter through the whole thing. b. Cinderella’s “I Want More” song is “Lucky,” which all the princesses then join in on in the next few verses c. In the bit where the stepmother and stepsisters make Cinderella work, they sing, “Work, Bitch” at her d. Cinderella’s ball opens with everyone singing “Boys.” e. The Prince enters the ball singing “Circus.” f. When Snow White and Cinderella realize their princes are the same prince, he sings, “Oops I Did It Again,” in an attempt to get out of trouble g. Cinderella rallies the princesses after this, and they all collectively read The Feminine Mystique to “Scream and Shout.” h. Act I ends with the princesses realizing that Prince Charming is married to all of them and throwing him into the well to “Womanizer,” which is changed to “Princessizer.”  i. The Stepmother convinces the Narrator to banish all the princesses to “Story’s End,” i.e. a big glass ball that got projected on the back of the stage by singing “Toxic” at him.  j. Once the princesses are freed, they sing “Stronger” together

THE BAD:

-They front-loaded Act I with all the good songs so in Act II there was only “Stronger” and “Toxic.” There weren’t as many songs, and the other ones were like, B-list ones I didn’t recognize. 

-Act II drags. They tried to make the plot serious and it doesn’t work

-The prince gets a half-hearted redemption arc in Act II where he complains he doesn’t have a choice either, he’s just written this way, and he just wants to be with Cinderella. Super unconvincing. Would have preferred him to remain in the wishing well for all of Act II or to just be dead. 

-They should have killed the narrator like in Into the Woods. Instead he gets tied up, gets convinced of their arguments, and hands over the magical quill that controls their stories so that the princesses write their own stories

The whole thing has an issue I see in a lot of contemporary stuff these days where a piece of art/ a movie/ a musical/ whatever, will have a central idea of, “This Thing Is Bad, and We All Agree It Is Bad,” which is this case is misogyny. Sure that’s bad! What do we do to defeat misogynistic narratives and find personal fulfillment? Write our own stories. That’s... you know, fine, but it feels very like, “Twitter hot take” and there’s a lack of nuance in that answer (one that denies the very real difficulties of even telling one’s story at times, i.e. the professional publishing world, the barriers to entry there, attacks from others, disinformation, capitalism, etc) and weasles out of assigning blame to anyone or having anyone experience negative consequences for abuse of power, and lacks even the nuance of The Feminine Mystique, a very dated book. It fits because Friedan was living the life she was told every woman wanted and isn’t happy, but we’re like... maybe 2 waves of feminism past that. Also her critique of capitalism is ~mysteriously~ absent in the musical. 

So, in short: Act I is a really fun hot mess. Act II is really boring. Betty Friedan is apparently magical.

[cadyrocks]

Saw Love and Thunder. Mild spoilers ahead.

It was fine. Not Waititi's best work, not as good as Ragnarok, but definitely an enjoyable popcorn flick.

Suffers, like many Marvel projects, from a serious difficulty taking anything seriously. Like, I'm sorry, Thor getting in a fight with his magic axe because it's jealous about him caring about Mjolnir? It's so silly and absurd that it makes it very hard for the scenes that are supposed to be powerful or poignant to work. It's this constant tonal whiplash. In one scene, Thor is having an "argument" with his axe (me and the person I watched it with disagree on this subplot; she thinks it's so stupid it's awesome; I think it's so stupid it's stupid). In the next, our protagonists are being tortured by shadow tentacle monsters. In one scene, a child uses her stuffed rabbit to annihilate hordes of monsters (monsters we're supposed to be somewhat concerned about, mind you); in the next, multiple major characters are having a battle of rhetoric for the fate of the universe while slowly dying.

Guardians of the Galaxy and its sequel managed this tightrope walk between lighthearted humor and heavy subject matter well. Love and Thunder does not, and suffers as a result. The individual scenes are all pretty excellent - I gripe about the rabbit scene in the overall structure but as an individual scene it's absolutely amazing - but they tend not to cohere very well, particularly with the "Natalie Portman has stage 4 cancer and is not handling it well" subplot.

On the level of individual scenes, I have to critique most of the fight scenes. For most of the movie up until the end of act 2, not a single fight feels meaningful or impactful. It's all Thor and Friends utterly demolishing endless waves of mooks and shadow monsters, none of which do anything resembling bleeding. Unless Gor is personally fighting, the stakes seem virtually nonexistent, and there's no drama. This is pretty funny in the opening fight scene, establishing just how much Thor out lasses the Guardians in terms of raw strength, but it just keeps happening long after it stops being an interesting setup.

So what does work?

Well, the "Thor is an emotionally unstable dick who his friends are entirely right to hate" opening is extremely well done. Gor is a great villain (who belongs in a movie that takes itself far more seriously) and owns basically every scene he's in. The beat where Thor gets stripped naked and Zeus's female entourage faints is just absolutely hilarious; yes, Chris Hemsworth is a very sexy man, glad we got that settled. The aforementioned bunny rabbit scene is incredible. While the cast talking up the movie as "super queer" is a very obvious lie, the few small gay scenes, particularly Valkyrie flirting with one of Zeus's entourage, are tasteful and fun. The ending is poignant and heavy and, again, belongs in an entirely different movie from the aforementioned (and genuinely incredible) bunny rabbit scene. Matt Damon's cameo is incredible.

More generally, Taika Waititi's direction shines through. The visuals are excellent and when the movie is allowed to be silly and camp, it looks, sounds, and feels incredible. The vibes are immaculate. Also, it's a bit of a cheap shot for the soundtrack to be mostly Guns And Roses classics, but I am nothing if not a sucker for badass action scenes set to Paradise City. Sue me. It works.

So yeah. Lots of excellent pieces that don't quite fit together, a lot of good actors putting in solid performances, a soundtrack that's just barely on the right side of cliché, no handjobs for the US military-industrial complex, Chris Pratt disappears from the plot after about five minutes, which is about as much Chris Pratt as I'm interested in tolerating these days... It's not bad! It's a perfectly serviceable blockbuster.

It's also gonna be the last Marvel film I watch for a good long while, because throughout the entire movie, I couldn't help but notice those little critiques niggling at me. It's impossible to take anything seriously when everyone's response to everything is witty quips. People don't actually talk or act like that, to an embarrassing degree. There's an attempt to raise the stakes by doing something truly horrific, but we never grapple with any of the consequences or tragedy of that event, and you could have replaced it with Gor stealing Thor's favorite irreplaceable Macguffin for all the impact on the story it ends up having. In other words: it's a Marvel movie, with all that entails. As lovely as Taika Waititi's sensibilities and visual direction are, the fact is we've been here before a few too many times.

As I watched the small city worth of people who worked on this thing roll by in the credits, I couldn't shake the feeling that the Marvel formula has, at long last, become stale. The committee design has run out of ideas. The crowning moments of awesome can't distract me from how shallow and incongruous the whole is. Your flying screaming goats are but yet another plaything in the infinite sandbox of bored, apathetic gods, and I don't care if this gets me uninvited from the Orgy.

[mask131]

The Sandman bonus notes: Interviews (3)

Here are some of the most interesting facts found in the interviews with Neil Gaiman in the “Sandman Companion”.

Instead of covering two tomes as usual I will only cover one - mostly because I take those interviews from the French compilation of the Sandman comics, and the third volume, instead of having two tomes in one book, rather had “A Game of You” alongside other bonuses and additional stories taken from outside the main Sandman series. 

A GAME OF YOU

# Sandman was conceived so that it would alternate between male and female stories. “Preludes and nocturnes” is a male story (male protagonist). The Doll’s House is a female story (Rose Walker as a protagonist, speaks about women and their relationships). Season of Mists is once again focused on Dream, and thus is a male story. Now, A Game of You is about women and their identity. 

# The idea for “A Game of You” originated when Neil Gaiman conceived “The Doll’s House”: he wanted Rose Walker to live in a boring, plain, realistic world by day, and in a world of fantasy quests by night. However, Neil Gaiman discovered the novel “Bones of the Moon” by Jonathan Carroll which used the very same structure, so he threw the idea away (though he had it appear in the dreams of Barbie - which was also an homage to “Bones of the Moon”, especially because both have a huge canine creature related to bones). Hopefully later the two men contacted each other. Jonathan Carroll revealed he had read Gaiman’s comic “Signal to Noise” and found it scarily similar to a novel he hadn’t finished writing yet, “The Rainbow Child”. In return, Neil Gaiman revealed how he had a story planned for Sandman that was eerily similar to the “Bones of the Moon” and so they agreed that they were like “two different radios on the same station”, and that their job was not to write different stories, but to write them down in a new way. 

# The theme of “A Game of You” is how nobody is a stereotype, no one is what they appear to be on the surface, everyone has inside of them entire worlds. 

# The dream of Hazel is one of the rare cases where Neil Gaiman used one of his own dreams for Sandman: he dreamed one day about a very old and dead baby he found in a box, and he took it out and then looked at it as it crawled away to devour other babies. 

# Scarlett, mentionned several times, was supposed to make an appearance: her character was the one of a very small and very fat drag-queen that sang in shows with Hal (from The Doll’s House). 

# When asked about him receiving a price from the GLAAD for his “positive representation of gay and lesbian characters”, Neil Gaiman explains he never had any political agenda - at least with the characters of Hazel and Fox. All he wanted was that Sandman would reflect people he knew in everyday life - and in fact that was what was considered “progressist”, to just show any kind of woman without any consideration about her sexual orientation,  as someone cool, sane and sympathetic. Tradition in comic books at the time was to represent women as either damsels in distress, or a “man with boobs”. He hoped that characters such as Rose Walker, Barbie, Hal, Fox, Hazel of Wanda would “break the rules”. 

# The character of Wanda was inspired by a brief encounter Neil Gaiman had with the friend of a friend in London, “one of the most beautiful women” he ever met and that just happened to be born with a penis. She was terrified of surgeries, and thus refused to have any part of her body cut - and he was seduced by the contradiction of such a situation, and by how deep the decision and question of the gender could go. The character of Wanda was also quite controversial in Gaiman’s entourage: his older friends perceived her as a caricature, while the younger friends saw her as an example and a model. 

# Many fans assumed that Neil Gaiman expressed his personal opinion when he depicted the Moon as refusing to let Wanda walk her path because she was not a “real” woman - but Neil Gaiman says he always made it clear that, in his eyes, the gods could well “put in in their holy rectum”. George makes it clear that neither Thessaly nor the Moon believe gender is a choice, and while many readers thought it meant that it was an absolute fact (since it was given by a very ancient witch and a moon deity), Neil Gaiman points out that Wanda considers herself a woman and that so does Death, and for him it is all that matters. 

# When asked about how he came to create Thessaly, Neil Gaiman mentions he had noted in neo-pagan circles a new reinterpretation of historical witchcraft as a pleasant religion, not at all bloody and gory, where women were empowered. In truth however, the Greeks and Romans were terrified by the witches living in Thessaly - so he thought it would be interesting to present one of those women in modern days, and to have her continue to act in a gory and deadly way. Not by flying on a broomstick with a black cat, but by following a Greek code of values that is three thousand years old. Neil Gaiman also confirms that Thessaly is at least three thousands years old, though she could also be twenty thousands years old: when she says “I was born the day of the greatest shadow, the year where the bear totem was broken”, it is not a reference to a specific mythology, but for Neil it puts her birth somewhere in the Neolithic. And while she had a name once, she now is more comfortable wearing the names of places she lived in - hence why she calls herself Thessaly (a region in Greece) and later Larissa (a city in Thessaly). The character of Thessaly was also heavily inspired by the Golden Ass of Apuleius, and the stories about witches by the author Lucian - for example the scene where Thessaly uses the face of George is based on a scene from a story of Lucian and another from The Golden Ass, where witches try to steal the face of a dead man. 

# Neil Gaiman did not invent the wordplay on Morpheus and Murphy - it came from the Oxford English Dictionary, where Murphy was listed as a perversion of Morpheus and was used already in 1890 in expressions. 

# Neil Gaiman says he should one day tell the story of Alianora, the former lover of Dream for which the fantasy world was created. He says it is a beautiful story, and a very sad one. 

[a-froger-epic]

I assumed that there were two hospitality rooms because in one there were the band's wives and kids and was mostly drug free and in the other Freddie's friends were freer to do whatever they wanted, not because any of the band were uncomfortable with the "gay lifestyle", but now IDK

I'm sure it was partly that as well, but the wives and kids weren't always on tour with them either. And it's really not what Vic says in his book. I'm pretty sure the "straight" hospitality room wasn't drug and sex free, after all, groupies were a thing. Nowadays, one wouldn't think twice about mixing the crowds, but at the time... it was different. I think probably Freddie's entourage, too, quite liked having their own space.

[neechees]

Hey, can you talk about your OCs? 👀 Do you post fics/art about them somewhere?

Sure!! a few people have asked me to indulge in my OC’s and I’d love to but I just kept putting it off sfjishfsi. If you’re interested in more of my OC content in general, I have a tag system for them that goes like “oc;; (name)”, so for exampel “oc;; Idril” is one. The tag contains their aesthetics, any art/headcanons I’ve done of them, their musings, motifs associated with them, songs that fit them, etc. Feel free to scour the tags to look at my OC’s or to reblog some relevant stuff that fit your own fhzuf.

But anyways, I’ll talk a bit about the OC’s I need to develop a bit more!

Sera:

Idk where she came from but she looks like a mix between Damaris Goddrie and Tashi Rodriguez with an undercut lmao

REALLY good at singing and dancing, she learned how for her job working at a bar/inn as a waitress and entertainer. I imagine she also became educated in musical arts and can play several instruments, such as the mandolin, lute, lyre, and dital harp. She acts so goofy & crazy all the time, I feel like a lot of people always forget she’s actually pretty smart and underestimate her

she’s really friendly and fun to be around and funny as hell, but in a serious situation she’d be shit to be around, she uses humor at inappropriate times to hide emotions she doesn’t want to confront or to try lighten the mood

LOVES her older Brother Fin, she really idolizes him and kinda secretly wishes she were more like him. Fin is a  gay carpenter who wants to start his own family, but is really shy and quiet and softspoken and mature (so... her opposite LMAO). He’s probably the only one she’ll actually listen to and he’s good at reigning her in, he’s her rock

accidental troublemaker... she has good intentions, but she’s very impulsive and doesn’t always think things through

Chickadee:

She’s from a reserve in Alberta, on Treaty Six territory, & is a status Indian. She’s sort of glad she left Canada and feels like she has more freedom in the U.S but misses her family :’/ 

The scar on her nose is from accidentally falling on a pike when she was younger: she tripped on a stick supporting a bison hide for skinning and fell straight on it lmao

Even though she doesn’t talk a lot, Chickadee has started learning Spanish from her friends (mostly by observing), a group of Latinos who essentially took her in after she left the penitentiary. They help her out a lot too, and she helps them, it’s just a really mutually beneficial group friendship

She never really talked much but I think she’s really out of her element in the U.S, and she’s really very family-oriented: without her parents or sister around her, she’s quite lonely, so her new friend group is just what she needed. But she’s... clumsier and less competent atm because she feels more vulnerable, and talks even less. And when she does talk, it’s usually to say something brash or to swear. She’s not her usually happier and mature self because her life had been turned upside down, I think the Penetentiary changed her a lot.

Arza:

Has an Oliphaunt calf named Sulad! He’s about the size of a grown African Elephant, and he’s strong enough to carry her around in a Howdah, but mostly follows his Mama, who happens to be the Royal Oliphaunt used for long trips. She also has a personal messenger Raven named Rûzdul (”Sunny” in Orocarni Khuzdul)

Loooooves shopping. She’ll go to the markets with her entourage and get fitted for nice fabrics, or buy spices from the Haradrim, purchase jewellery from other Dwarves, or even check out things made by the Elves. She’s not necessarily materialistic, but she’s very interested in the world and different cultures, and this is kinda how she appreciates it!

As per custom for many Dwarves, she is invested in some type of anvil work. Even though she is a princess, her parents try to get all their children invested in some type of job and work at it to keep them humble. Arza isn’t the best at say metalworking for armor or weapons, but she’s exceedingly skilled at glassblowing and jewellery making! She makes things like silverware or glassware and draws a lot of inspiration from the Elves, some of whom have actually bought her work. I imagine her art style is like a mix between Art Deco and Art Nouveau.She’d still much rather be studying languages in the library, though lol

She is a busy busy bee during and after the War of the Ring. She and her family were in their Southern home of Baraz-tum, and since they’re in the South, shit gets fucked up for everyone there before everyone else. Their mountains are invaded by orcs & she’s forced to flee

Aaaand that's all I got for now c:

[thetypedwriter]

Chain of Gold Book Review

Chain of Gold Book Review by Cassandra Clare 

I know what you’re thinking.

Oh. My. God. Another one?

How can she possibly be cranking out these 5,000 long page novels year after year after year?

I think the exact same thing and yet….

I still read them. Every single one. Well, except for some of the companions, guides, and novellas that accompany them because come on nobody has that much free time. And we don’t talk about the show Shadowhunters that Freeform monstrously created. Ever.

Except for Cassandra Clare maybe, since, you know, she wrote them. Or co-wrote them. Or kinda wrote them. Whatever, the true authorship isn’t important here.

What is important, however, is that there is a new Shadowhunter series on the horizon and THAT IT IS NOT TY AND KIT. I REPEAT. This new massive compendium is not the next installment of the Dark Artifices. Instead, it is an entirely new-but-not-new-Cassandra-Clare style book for the newly developed The Last Hours series in which no one asked for nor expected.

You might be asking yourself: do I need to have read the other 76 books in order to understand this one? Cassandra Clare and others will have you believe no. They’ll say, “Nahhhh, don’t stress, it’s a new cast of characters!”

They are dead wrong.

I mean, I guess you plausibly could but you would be horribly confused and befuddled for the entire sequence. I was largely confused and befuddled for the entire sequence and I have read most of the other 76 books-which, is a joke, of course, except not really, since the current canon world spans 14 main books across multiple timelines (all of which are the opposite of miniature by the way) and at least five companion novels and counting that are more important than they let on.

It is extremely, extremely daunting for new readers.

That being said, as we are all stuck at home quarantined due to coronavirus, you probably have a lot of time on you. Just gonna say that Amazon and Barnes & Noble deliver, folks, jump on it. E-books also exist if you do not have room to house these monstrosities, a problem I do not blame you for.

Now that all of that is out of the way, what is this new book about and how did I feel about it?

Well. To start, this new series takes place in the late 19th century in London, a setting we’ve seen before in The Infernal Devices, the first of the canon spinoff series.

This new series mainly tells the story of the children from the first spinoff, with highlights on Tessa, Will, and Jem. As most of Clare’s books, this one also has alternating POV’s. This particular installment switches mainly between Cordelia Carstairs, James Herondale and Lucie Herondale with little snatches of others in between.

To make this overly large series very, very simplified and contained, here is my plot summary:

Girl moves to London. Girl is in love with her best friend’s brother (a little cliche, but okay, Clare). Brother is a special little nugget that can see the demon world because his mother is a warlock (cue Infernal Devices here). His sister, the other special nugget and said best friend from above, can talk to ghosts, but not only that, she can also command them. The applause sound goes here. 

There are demon uprisings. Some shadowhunters get poisoned while everyone runs around incompetently trying to find a cure, but don’t worry it’s none of the main characters so you don’t really care. The brother special nugget from above is also pretend in love with a girl with a very dark home life that reeks of manipulation (cough cough obviously the bracelet is bewitched in some way) and is somehow enchanting him to do her bidding, but is really in love with the new girl that’s in love with him. Gasp. 

Special nugget also has a best friend that is most likely a bisexual alcoholic and the girl who moved to London has a drunkard father who’s currently in prison and a brother who was previously a bully becasue he was gay (amongst other reasons) and is not as much of an asshole, but is still an asshole. Unrequited love is also strewn about handomsely.

Yup. That about sums it up.

If you’re confused, then that’s okay, as the book is confusing.

Plot aside, this book was enjoyable to me for one main reason: it’s a shadowhunter book. Despite all the jokes I’m making on its behalf, I do love the series. It’s expansive and interesting and angsty and romantic and most of the characters and action and plot twists are really incredibly good.

Truly.

However, this book, for me personally, was more on the burdensome side of the Sahdowhunter lore rather than the uplifting one that added to it, even if I did buy it the first day it came out.

Clare throws so many characters at you in this first installment that it’s actually impossible to keep track, primarily because no one other than the true main characters are ever clearly defined or characterized or shown significance in any way and also because THEY ARE ALL DAMN RELATED IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER AND BECAUSE THEY ALL HAVE THE SAME FUCKING NAMES.

I’m not even kidding. How Clare got to her original series and The Dark Artifices series without having incest galore is a miracle to me. The same people in the same families fall in love every damn time that at this point they all have to be interconnected Slytherin pure-blood style.

We didn’t need a sickly sweet epilogue of Tessa and Will’s wedding day at the end of the book. We needed a well drawn out and thoughtfully labeled shadowhunter family tree in full color because this shit was so confusing.

This was a big turn-off for me. It was almost as if Clare was suffering under the expansiveness of the world she had built, which is why the book was over 600 pages when it really could have easily been half. The last 90 pages read as an annoying epilogue that should have been twenty at most but just kept going and going and going like a Geico commercial.

She has so many characters with so many names and so many little tidbits about them that it was actually alarming. I get it if Clare knows who everyone is, that’s great. She’s the author. The point is, however, is not so that the author understands, but the readers do too. I can say with 100% certainty that no one understood who everyone was unless they study the main series every night before they go to bed, which is largely impossible.

In addition, this particular story is just...fine. It’s fine. It’s not the best of Clare’s work (Dark Artifices, baby!) or the worst (I don’t know...maybe Red Scrolls of Magic) but it gets the job done. I don't hate the characters like I have some others of Clare’s creations, but I don’t love them either. 

James seems to be like every other male character that Clare has ever created, Cordelia seems...okay. Lucie is rather annoying, as is Grace and her mother Tatiana, who are so evil it’s stupid. Thomas and Christopher don’t matter in the slightest and neither do the parents, which is a shame considering they were the main cast in Infernal Devices. Jesse was...alright.

 Honestly, the best characters in my opinion were Matthew Fairchild and Anna Lightwood. I would have loved a saucy, dramatic Oscar Wilde inspired entourage where they were painting the town red and smashing stereotypes all over the place.

But no. We get the main love story of James and Cordelia, the new girl and the best friend’s brother. Which has never been done of course. Super unique idea.

Cue eye roll.

In the end, odds are, if you are going to read Chain of Gold, you were going to read it to begin with because you’re a Shadowhunter fan like me and you’ll gobble up anything Cassandra Clare throws at you, whether good or bad. If you’re interested in picking up a book, this is not the book to start.

 If you want a super long, mostly tantalizing read that will take over your life for the next few months then I recommend starting with the OG City of Bones and painstakingly making your way from there. You’ll most likely not regret it, even if your bank account and your heart will be crying by the end.

Recommendation: Shadowhunter fans unite! Chain of Gold is out and ready to be devoured! Everyone else, either stand back or pick up a book and get reading because this book is on a train that will keep chugging and chugging forever.

Score: 6.5/10