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peachsayshi · 3 years

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Chapter 19 - Date

Summary: Gojo takes you out on a date.

A/N: (18+ / minors and ageless blogs dni) - this chapter is kind of long, I am sorry - I hope it isn’t all over the place. please note, I have never visited Japan so I loosely based the location off of images I saw of Tokyo Dome City lol. I also wanted to give @rosenkow a shoutout for helping me out with this chapter! <3 if you need reference on the necklace scene, check out Chapter 15 - Unrequited.

TAGS: somnophilia (mentioned/consensual), light smut, fluffy fluff and maybe a pinch of angst.

“I’m sorry, you let this man violate you with a lollipop?!”

You clutched the phone tighter against your ear, your eyes darting around to ensure that the strangers passing by you on the street weren’t listening in on the detailed conversation you were having with your best friend.

“Seriously? You’re going to shame me?” you whispered, “I distinctly remember you telling me, in vivid detail might I add, how you licked chocolate off your ex’s body after your first date….”

“Yeah but chocolate is different, everyone knows it’s perfect for sex. Besides, I make candies for a living and lollipops just cross a line for me…”

“Don’t knock it ‘til you try it…”

Rina laughed, “I can’t believe that white haired string bean is turning my best friend into such a lewd person…”

“Ha-ha,” you mocked, “Can I please continue to the important part of the story?”

“You mean him using the lollipop as a makeshift dildo wasn’t the important part?”

Your face grew hot and you couldn’t help but cover your mouth as a shy giggle escaped you.

“Stop making me laugh! This is supposed to be a serious conversation…”

“Okay, okay…I just have one more question…”

“What is it?”

“Sooo, you know how he has white hair, right?”

“Actually, I take that back. I don’t like where this question is going…”

“I’m just dying to know if the carpets match the drapes…”

“And you say that I’m the one that’s obscene!”

“Well? Is his hair white…down there, too?”

You pressed your lips together, shaking your head disapprovingly. You felt like a gossiping schoolgirl but you couldn’t remember the last time you were this giddy over somebody. You quickly side stepped around a person who walked in front of you to avoid them as you turned the corner.

“Yes,” you answered into the phone, “and he’s quite particular about maintenence…”

“Fascinating…” Rina teased but did little to hide her amusement. “So, in between the two of you fucking like rabbits, Gojo confessed his feelings for you?”

Your heart thumped in your chest.

“Yes he did,” you confirmed.

“And then he asked you out on a date?”

“Mhmm…”

“Which was last night?”

Your body lit up like a firecracker thinking about the past twenty four hours.

“Last night…” you murmured, biting your bottom lip subconsciously as you brought your index finger to hook around the necklace you were wearing. “I was a nervous wreck all week leading up to it! Meanwhile, Satoru was fine because he always acts like everything is normal between us…I hate that he does that so easily…”

“Come on, how is this any different from what you both have been doing? In case you forgot, the two of you weren’t behaving platonically when I found out about your arrangement…”

“Trust me, it is…” you insisted, pausing in front of a cafe before opening the door and making your way inside. “I don’t even know what’s wrong with me…I’ve not been able to get him out of my mind. Whenever he calls or texts me, it takes an excruciating amount of effort on my part to act like…”

“Act like you aren’t completely smitten by him?”

You froze hearing Rina’s question, a chill running up your spine.

“I’m…I’m not smitten!”, you rebutted defensively, stumbling over your own denial. “I’m just…there is a lot for me to process about this situation, okay?”

“Uh-huh…”

“It’s one thing when we both agreed that we weren’t going to get emotionally involved and now…”

“And now you are! Clearly on some level you are attracted to him…”

You swallowed the chance to confirm what your best friend said.

“Can you believe that this was his first real date? If that’s the case then why did he ask me out? You only date somebody to get to know them and we already know everything about each other. Ugh, he’s so blasè about this stuff that l can’t make sense of it…”

“I think you’re focusing way to hard on trying to make sense of everything instead of facing how you feel…”

“Hold on…” you interrupted, tilting the phone away as you made eye contact with the barista. “Can I get an iced matcha to go, please?”

The barista nodded her head, cashing up your order as you returned to the conversation.

“You were saying?”

“I was saying…” Rina continued, and you could hear the sound of the television flickering in background. “…that I hate to defend him but give the guy some credit. He’s obviously doing all this for you.”

“Me?!”

“Yes, Ms. Hopeless Romantic, YOU. He asked you out on a date because that’s something that you want. You like to be wooed!”

“I do not like to be wooed…” you pouted, swirling your beverage in your hand as you watched the cubes of ice clink inside the plastic cup.

“Come on...Haru pulled out all the big guns when you both were together. Spontaneous getaways, those crazy elaborate floral arrangements, fancy dinner dates…and Gojo knows that. He saw it all firsthand!”

“Yeah, but I’m not…I’m not asking Satoru to do any of this for me…”

“I know you’re not and Gojo doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who cares about this stuff but…” Rina paused, taking a minute to consider her words. “I think he’s trying to show you that he’s serious…”

“Serious…” you repeated, your whole body trembling with anticipation at thought of Satoru being anything other than your friend.

“He told me he doesn’t want me rushing into anything,” you spoke softly, goosebumps raising up your arm as you recounted your kiss goodbye this morning. “He wants me to take my time…”

“I actually think that’s pretty nice of him.”

You hummed, “he just knows all the right things to say, it seems…”

“So, how did your date go?”

“It was…” you started, your voice trailing as you took a sip of your drink. You bit back a smile as you pushed the door to leave the cafe and making your way back down the busy street.

“It was perfect.”

Rina switched off her television to give you her undivided attention, the distracting noise surrounding her suddenly shifting to silence.

“Start from the beginning, and don’t leave out any of the details.”

***

You wanted to kill Satoru for being vague about tonight’s dress code. He gave you absolutely no indication on where he was planning on taking you, but asked that you dress “nice” for the evening.

You gave yourself a good once over before exiting your apartment. After sifting through multiple outfit styles, you decided to wear a pair of denim jeans with a strappy top tucked in and slipped on a jacket just in case it was cold. You opted for comfort by wearing a pair of sneakers then accessorized with a small leather bag and some jewelry. You had fun playing with your make up and styling your hair, but hoped that this was enough for whatever surprises Satoru had in store for you.

When you greeted him at the entrance of your apartment, you were taken aback by your friend leaning against the frame of the door dressed in a white shirt and sleek black slacks. You parted your lips, unintentionally glancing down to his shiny loafers before shifting your focus back to your own outfit.

“Uh, I’ll go change...” you blurted without even saying a proper hello, before turning on your heel to avoid showing your embarrassment.

Satoru looped his arm around waist, tugging you into him as he spun you back around.

“And why would you that?” he teased with a smile, lowering his shades down the bridge of his nose while stroking the small of your back. “You look really nice! I’ve never seen you in this top, did somebody go shopping?”

The man was incredibly observant but you weren’t going to admit that you did in fact treat yourself to some new clothes because you wanted to wear something special tonight.

“Oh, this ol’ thing? I had it stuffed in the back of my closet...” you lied, “but I should really change into something more appropriate...”

“I didn’t get the chance to go home before seeing you. This is a spare shirt I had around in my office. I changed into this after I finished up with my students before heading over here...” he reassured with a grin. “Trust me, you’re fine.”

“I don’t know if this constitutes as “nice” though...”

Satoru laughed under his breath, “you look good in anything you wear.”

“You sure you’re not talking about yourself?” you replied, raising your eyebrow in his direction.

“Well, you know, that’s a given...”

You laughed, a sense of relief washing over you from his casual tone.

“You’re still not going to tell me what the plan for tonight is?”

Satoru released you from his hold, stepping aside as he watched you lock up your front door. Your friend cheekily shook his head, “And spoil the surprise? Where is the fun in that?”

The sun was starting to set, greeting the early evening as you both walked side by side down the street to head over to the train station.

“You were playing baseball with your students?” you asked as Satoru relayed the events of his morning to you.

He chuckled, “I wasn’t playing, I was the umpire...”

“It’s all the same…”

“They deserve to live these carefree moments. Some people take their age for granted but they shouldn’t…”

“I like hearing you talk about your students it reminds me that you actually love what you do.”

Satoru tilted his head down in your direction and brushed his arm against you.

“What makes you think I don’t care about my students?”

“Nothing, actually,” you replied truthfully, a little spark lighting between your fingers when you felt his knuckles graze over yours before quietly diminishing as he swiftly moved his hand back into his pocket.

You cleared your throat, “as a matter of fact, every time you talk about them your whole face lights up in a different way. It’s kind of cute...”

When you looked up at your friend, you saw him flash you an adorable pose just to confirm your compliment. You responded with a casual eye roll but even you couldn’t hide back your smile.

“I’m a nice guy, you know? Of course I care about them! We are molding the next generation of sorcerers and we need to foster them to be stronger and more intelligent...otherwise...” he explained, his words trailing off as his mind began to wander.

You nudged him politely, hoping he would at least continue his statement.

“Otherwise?”

“Otherwise they’ll be stuck in the same shitty system that doesn’t care about them.”

You nodded your head, learning not to push Gojo into giving you the full loaf whenever he spares a few crumbs about his life. However, you could gauge from his statement that things didn’t seem so easy for those who possess such unique powers.

“Satoru, why can’t I see curses?”

Your friend brought his thumb and index finger to his chin, pondering your question to try and formulate a palatable answer.

“Cursed energy,” he began to say, “is born from negative human emotions, like anger or grief. All of us possess some level of cursed energy because we all experience these very emotions. However, it’s rare to possess a higher level of this energy but some people do which is why they are able to see curses. That’s usually all it takes to be considered a sorcerer...”

“Interesting...”

“However, non-sorcerers can still be cursed, and under extreme circumstances when their lives are threatened, they can even see them...”

“That’s...terrifying to think about…” you replied, “…but you said that humans can still be cursed. Doesn’t that mean we should be able to see them even then?”

“Not necessarily, it manifests as different symptoms. They can alter your dreams or take a hold of your body and burden you like dead weight - you wouldn’t really have an explanation as to what is going on in those cases...a possession, almost…kind of like the ones that you see in scary movies, but not as obvious…”

“That doesn’t sound pleasant at all. Have…have you ever seen any curses around me?”

Satoru shook his head seriously, “do you think I would let anything have the chance of getting close to you?”

He reached his fingers to pinch your cheek, easing the subject to distract you from the grim truth about his world.

“You’re going to ruin my make up...” you grumbled, falling for his little maneuver as you tried release yourself from his hold.

“There are so many other ways I would go about ruining your make up which is a lot more fun...” he replied with a sinful smirk.

The two of you arrived at the station and you still had no idea what to expect from tonight’s date.

Satoru, surprisingly, maintained some form of distance with you. He wasn’t his usual touchy self, which you thought was a little interesting considering the conditions around tonight’s particular outing. His unconcerned demeanor made it feel less like a date and more like another hang out.

“Well, here we are!” he announced, when you finally reached your destination.

Tokyo Dome City.

Parting your lips in surprise, you were caught off guard that Satoru brought you to one of the busiest tourist spots in the city. You were even more surprised by where you were standing inside one of the buildings. You knitted your brows in confusion before glancing over towards your friend.

“Satoru, this is the entrance to the bowling center…”

“Yep!”

“You decided to take me bowling on our first date?”

“Yes, I did!” your friend replied, before placing his hand directly on your back and navigating you right inside.

***

“Wait a minute,” Rina interrupted. “You hate bowling...”

“Yep.”

“I thought he was going to wine and dine you at some fancy Michelin restaurant...”

“Believe it or not, I was expecting something completely over the top myself...”

“Right? An all out ridiculous experience that only a person with his kind of money can buy...”

“Like, put me in a helicopter and take me to another city kind of first date-” you egged on, dramatizing Rina’s words just for fun.

“Exactly! I can’t believe he took you bowling,” she laughed under her breath, “You are a complete disaster when it comes to throwing balls at pins...”

“You think I don’t know that?”

“I’m sure he had a good reason for it...”

“He said these exact words,” you explained, “ ‘I'm Satoru Gojo and I always guarantee a fun time’ ”

***

Two floors made up the facility of the bowling alley. One section was more casual, housing a few arcade games and a large kiosk where a man was selling massive plushies and trinkets. The second floor was tailored specifically for the partying crowd, where it had a full fledged lounge and bar for anyone who wanted to partake in drinking while playing their rounds.

You both opted for the casual ambience, trading in your shoes for some bowling sneakers before heading over to your designated lane.

You looked up at the screen to find that Satoru had funnily registered your name as “Loser” while he smugly chose the title of “Winner”.

“What a way to make a girl feel special…” you mocked, flashing him a disinterested expression before picking which ball you would like to roll.

“I’m just calling it like I see it,” he replied with a shrug. “You’re up!”

You slid your two middle fingers and thumb into the holes. You approached the end of the lane, taking a second to breathe deep and using all the concentration you had to swing your arm back and release the ball from your grasp. The neon sphere slid speedily across the lane for about one second before shifting straight towards the gutter, resulting in the scoreboard to light up with a massive zero.

“Is it possible that your skills have somehow gotten worse since we did this last?” Gojo teased, his expressive eyes hidden behind the safety of his sunglasses.

“If you keep making fun of me I’ll aim the ball at you next time...”

“If what I just saw gives me any indication on the likelihood of you making your shot then I don’t think I’m too worried...”

“You little shi-”

You paused feeling Gojo stand close behind you, bringing his mouth down to your ear before whispering smoothly, “watch the master at work, will you, dear?”

You folded your arms across your chest, pursing your lips as your friend effortlessly bowled a perfect strike. A burst of graphic confetti covered the scores, a badly animated celebratory cartoon coming through with the word “STRIKE” radiating obnoxiously on the screen.

“See, easy peasy...”

“Life is easy peasy when it comes to you. We aren’t all blessed with the gift of being good at everything…” you grumbled, “Did you bring me here just to watch me fail miserably?”

“No, I brought you here because I want you to have a good time.”

“Oh, yes, doing the one thing I am absolutely horrible at.”

“Maybe it’s how you’re approaching it…” your friend dissected. “Use a little more force when you roll the ball...”

When your turn came next, you picked up a highlighter pink ball, one which was a little bit heavier then the previous one you used. You approached your lane, thankful that your jeans were comfortable enough to maneuver in and proceeded to throw with a little more conviction.

The ball slipped out of your hand, bouncing loudly across the lane before rolling straight into the gutter. You winced from the sound, covering your face with your hands then splitting your fingers enough just to see a zero flash across the score board again.

Two arms wrapped around you from behind, Satoru’s chest vibrating lightly against your back from how hard he was laughing. You turned yourself around to bury your face in chest, gripping onto the fabric of his shirt as you groaned.

“That was embarrassing.”

“No, that was hilarious!”

Your stomach twisted in a knot but when you looked up to meet the eyes of your friend, you found yourself releasing the tension from how gentle his gaze was.

“I don’t think there’s any way to improve from here...” you sighed, uncurling your fingers from his shirt as you took a step back.

“Maybe try a different technique...” Satoru advised, “think outside the box....”

“Outside the box, how?”

“I don’t know, get creative...” he replied, watching as you reached for the ball that appeared through the conveyer belt.

You made your way back to the lane, fiddling with the pink sphere in your hand as you caressed the smooth surface. You thought about your options before delicately placing the ball on the floor in front of you.

Satoru furrowed his brows, observing you drop your hands down to gently push the ball across the surface of the floor.

You stared at the way it whirled slowly down the lane, veering slightly to the right and making you narrow you eyes as you anticipated it to slide into the gutter. The ball was moving closer and closer with each second, hovering just between the lines until you heard a clink. Your eyes widened with surprise as you watched the last pin in the corner gently fall down.

“Oh my god!” you squealed, jumping up and down excitedly before turning towards Satoru who was looking at you with sheer delight. “Did you see that?!”

He nodded his head, grinning from ear to ear as he slowly clapped his hands.

“People will remember this day, a truly historic moment! I think I might actually cry...” he playfully acted, pretending to wipe the tears from his eyes as you almost skipped towards his direction.

“That NEVER happens!” you shrieked, lowering your voice only when you noticed the couple in the next lane over giving you both a weird stare.

“Maybe you were always meant to approach this game a little bit differently,” Satoru mused, lowering his glasses as he gave you knowing look but the expression on your face made his heart swell, and he knew for a fact that he made the right decision bringing you here tonight.

***

You were laughing.

Genuinely laughing.

Rina couldn’t remember the last time she heard an authentic reaction from you. Even during moments when you were at your happiest, there was always a cloud that hovered above you, shading your usual light. She blamed Haru for the depressive episodes you’ve been suffering with. She thought about what Gojo confessed after revealing the truth to her, no longer questioning his intentions when she learned that your friend held you in a higher regard above everything and everyone else.

Even with everything surrounding your unusual date, Gojo managed to make it an entirely a positive experience for your sake. He had no hidden tricks in romancing you but you were still swooning and sighing with every anecdote you shared.

He made the evening effortless by focusing on you alone.

You relayed the events in great detail, explaining how you played not one but three rounds of bowling with him. You joked how the both of you looked like utter fools in the alley creating your own moves until the manager had to politely come over and ask you to stop after Satoru pulled, what you dubbed as, “The Spinning Ballerina Shot”.

In the end, Rina was surprised by your enthusiasm and even applauded you for being able to score some decent points. You weren’t even bothered that Gojo kicked your butt by obtaining near perfect scores. Nor did you care that he deliberately failed to shoot a strike each time just to even the playing field.

After you both had your fill of knocking down pins, you grabbed dinner at one of the restaurants in the area and indulged in some delicious burgers. However, Rina noted the way you drifted over details of the conversation you shared with the sorcerer, keeping those private for yourself.

She did not want to admit that Gojo was a genius for planning out your evening like this. He took all your expectations and squashed it with his foot proving, in his own way, that no matter what the circumstances were he was completely capable of making you smile. All your nerves and anxieties dissipated around him and Rina knew that he was purposefully doing that to remind you that you can let your guard down, which is why she was concerned that you were still left in the dark.

“I’m going to tell her everything myself,” Gojo’s words echoed in her mind, “When I find the right opportunity, I’ll tell her the truth. All I ask is you give me that chance.”

***

You and Satoru stepped into the orange carriage of the Big O Ferris Wheel - one of the more popular attractions at Tokyo Dome City. The centerless wheel was lit up by white lights that glowed against the night sky, its majestic presence overseeing the entire scope of the urban scene around you.

“I prefer being somewhere crowded when I am with you. There’s less of a chance that somebody could point us out when you’re a part of the herd,” he explained, emphasizing how he was always taking precautions when you both are together.

When the operator shut the door, you suddenly became aware of how small the space inside the carriage actually is. Satoru’s legs took up most of the room, leaving you to slot your own between his like a puzzle piece. You both were seated on opposite sides, knees bumping from the close proximity as the sorcerer leaned forward to rest his arms casually over his thighs.

He spread his fingers across your own leg, stroking you softly with his thumb as he studied your distracted expression. You were staring out the window, watching as the wheel began to turn and pull you both away from entrance.

You took in the design of the beams and bars supporting the massive structure, the crowd at the entrance line dissipating until you both were surrounded by sky and city lights. You sighed comfortably in the silence, subconsciously moving in to rest one of your elbows on Satoru’s knee as the carriage lifted higher. You could now see the view of the Tokyo Dome Stadium, including the other fun rides placed across the amusement park. Cars were whizzing by the grid of the streets and buildings were glowing from the lights lit within, reminding you of the vibrant lives that existed everywhere you looked around.

“She’s quite beautiful tonight, don’t you think?” you asked.

Satoru smiled to himself, seeing how oblivious you were to the fact that while you were absorbing the sights around you and he was just admiring you.

“Breathtakingly so…”

You returned to meet his stare, your body pulsing upon realizing that he was directing those words to you and not the city scene.

“Smooth move, mister…” you replied, hoping to play off your reaction in a cool manner but the way he smirked proved that he could see right through the facade.

The hand on your leg shifted to where your elbow was resting, grazing up your forearm until Satoru’s slender fingers were interlaced in your own.

“I’m being serious,” he reiterated sincerely, “I haven’t been able to catch mine since we’ve met.”

Those words hooked into your lungs, making it impossible for you to inhale. Everything around you blurred until the only thing you could clearly see was the handsome man before you, whose hand gently squeezed your own while your bodies inched even closer together.

You swallowed hard, trying your best to ignore the way the beat of your heart rang in your own ears. You gently touched your forehead to his, softening your gaze as you parted your lips with a reply but realized that he left you speechless. The tips of your nose bumped, your lips brushing over his own as you reached your free hand to cup his sharp jaw.

“You haven’t kissed me today…” you whispered.

“Hmm, no I have not…”

You responded with a tiny peck, “Can I ask why?”

He captured your lips for another before speaking, “Your body tells me one thing, but I can’t read your mind. I have no idea what you’re thinking, especially now…”

You hummed into another kiss.

“I’m thinking,” you murmured into his lips, “that I am having a wonderful time with you…”

“Yeah?”

You nodded your head, “I’m thinking about how incredibly troublesome you’re going to be for me…”

He smiled against your mouth, “in a good way?”

Another kiss silenced you both, only this time it lingered.

“The best way possible…” you confirmed. “It’s just…”

“Yes?”

“I’m eventually going to have to ask the hard questions and I’m…a little scared to hear the answers. We’re both so different with our expectations…”

Satoru released you from his hold, moving to cup your face in his hands as he pulled you away.

“There is something I want to give you.”

You blinked a few times, caught off guard by his interjection.

He lifted his hips from his seat, crouching awkwardly as he positioned himself right next to you. One of his arms draped over your shoulder, while his other hand reached inside the pocket of his pants.

“On the night of your 24th birthday, I overheard Haru talking to Rina about how he forgot to buy you a gift. Some bullshit excuse about how he was too busy or something…” he proceeded to share, “… you want to know what thought crossed my mind in that moment?”

“W-What?”

“That this selfish bastard was the center of your world but you were only ever a blimp on his radar. He thrived off your attention but couldn’t give you an ounce in return. I never liked that…”

You wanted to protest out of defense but you were interrupted when you noticed him pull out something from his pocket.

“Those earrings that you loved to wear, the ones that you don’t put on anymore because of him…” he exhaled, biting his bottom lip nervously before continuing, “I bought you those earrings after you told me of their sentiment. You have no idea how hard it was to find that exact pair. Anyway, I gave it to him because I couldn’t stand the thought of seeing you hurt on your birthday. Told him to pretend that it came from his hand, that I wouldn’t say anything because I thought…well, I didn’t expect you both to break up…”

“Satoru…” you gasped, your eyes flickering to the box in his hands that he opened to reveal a necklace inside.

“I loved seeing you wear them, even if you didn’t know they were from me but your smile was worth it…” he admitted, “turn around.”

Satoru removed the necklace from the box, and you recognized that it matched with the earrings he was talking about. You turned your back towards him, allowing him to delicately clasp the necklace around you, the chain hanging like a loose choker with the pendant dangling just above the tips of you collar bones.

You were mindful of your chest rising and falling as the warmth raised up the nape of your neck where you felt Satoru kiss you. Your stomach turned at the memories of you wearing those very earrings in question around your friend, gushing over a man who didn’t even gift them to you in the first place. You felt his arms wrap around your waist before bringing your own to cross over the comfort of his embrace.

“Whenever you’re ready to ask your questions, I’ll be here with the answers...” he reassured, “You don’t have to remind me how different we are. I just...I just need to know where you stand with him, and...with me...”

Do you still love Haru?

For the first time in three years, the thought made your stomach turn.

You twirled in your seat, your arms circling around Satoru’s neck as you pulled him into your lips. Neglecting any thoughts from crossing your mind and dwelling on complications that could potentially damper the night. Instead you focused on your impulse which is to kiss him - kiss him for everything he meant to you: for his friendship, for his care, for his support, for his protection...

Your heart was calling out to somebody else and you were allowing the roots of your desire to string through each valve. You poured your emotions while tasting him, bringing one hand to catch the strands of his hair while the other gripped the collar of his shirt and wrinkling the crisp fabric. You felt him groan as held you from behind, his other hand trailing up your neck to hold you in place as he returned the kiss.

“Let’s leave,” you whispered in between breaths, “I want...I want to show you just how much I appreciate everything you did. I think...it’s long overdue...”

After the ride, the two of you stepped off the ferris wheel hand in hand in a complete daze. The only thought crossing your mind was how desperately you wanted to be alone with him. You could feel the crackling energy sparking between you both, conscious that you were stepping on the brink of a blossoming romance that had the potential of spiraling you down a black hole with nowhere to escape.

***

“Why didn’t you tell me about the earrings?” you questioned, prompting Rina to stiffen in place as she pondered her reply. “I thought we don’t keep secrets from each other...”

“I didn’t foresee Haru breaking your heart either,” she replied, “Besides, it wasn’t my secret to tell. I wasn’t about to complicate your friendship with Gojo over nothing…”

You sloshed the leftover matcha in your cup, noticing that the ice has almost fully melted.

“I guess you’re right,” you agreed, “I’m glad he told me himself.”

“Did...did he say anything else?” Rina pushed.

“No, we wound up back at my place...”

***

You were naked in bed, stripped of all your clothes except for the necklace you had on. Satoru’s shirt hand been unbuttoned, allowing you to feel the chiseled muscle of his torso as you pushed against his clothed length with your needy cunt. The two of you were completely flustered, charged with excitement as your hands and bodies writhed together, yearning for the other person as if your sanity depended on it. Just as his hand moved to reach between your legs, a vibration caught you off guard.

“Please tell me that’s your phone and not some secret hidden power that your penis can do...” you exhaled, tugging away from his swollen lips as you watched him furrow his brows in irritation.

He pulled out the device, answering it while still proceeding to drag his finger between your pussy and making you shiver on top of him.

“This better be important,” he grunted in to the phone, noticing the glistening strands of your arousal catch between his digits.

He clicked his teeth, allowing his face to fall in disappointment. “Fuck, fine. There’s no need to be so dramatic, I’m on my way...”

“Nooo...” you pouted as he ended the call, holding his face in your hands as you kissed him on the corner of his mouth. “Not tonight, don’t go...”

Satoru pushed himself upright, holding you in a straddle position as he stroked your thighs. Your pleading eyes could break his will, but unfortunately he didn’t exactly have the choice to negate his responsibilities.

“I’ll try to make it back later...” he sighed, placing the sweetest kisses on your neck.

You bit back a smile, your arms hugging him as he held you close.

“I’ll wait for you and if I fall asleep...” you teased, your hands moving to button his shirt as you kissed his temple. “...then I’ll let you think of some creative ways to wake me up...”

Satoru laughed under his breath, “my, my...you really want to give me that responsibility?”

“I trust you, without question...”

Satoru hummed as he kissed you again, reaching for your hands as you fastened the last button. He got himself together, swiping the spare key to your apartment with the promise that he had every intention on finishing the night with you.

In between as you waited, you thought you would gift your date a little surprise in return.

You dug out the earrings you had hidden in your drawers. You wore the entire set, admiring the delicate details in the mirror before reaching for your phone as you slipped back in between the sheets. You lifted the phone above you, adjusting the camera before snapping a shot of your bare chest, your pinky finger nestled between your teeth and hiding the seductive look in your eyes by tilting your face away to reveal the earring you were wearing.

Haru had taken enough of your happy memories.

You were reclaiming this one for yourself.

You sent the picture to Gojo before leaving the message:

You: it looks perfect x

The night you woke up Satoru’s mouth slurping against your very wet cunt, his fingers pumping back and forth as he roused you from your deep slumber.

“There you are, angel. My girl’s a heavy sleeper - you came twice before I managed to get your attention...” he cooed, moaning as he returned to pleasure your clit.

One arm flew overhead to grip the comfort of the pillow, the other threading through he roots of his hair as your hips arched and rolled against him.

“You...ahhh...” you moaned, pinching your lids together as you shivered from the sensation of his tongue on you. “You c-came back...”

“Mmmm...” he hummed, pulling his fingers out as he began to trail his lips up your lower abdomen. “I told you I would and after that photo you sent…”

He nearly growled upon saying those words, “let’s just say I couldn’t bring myself to leave you alone.”

You woke up the next morning tangled in each other after a long night of making love. Satoru cradled you in his arms, and you learned that your friend was quite clingy when he fell asleep. He was peaceful and quiet, completely contrasting everything about his awakened state. However, there were moments as you slept when you could feel him tighten his grip around you with enough strength to wake you up. At first you were surprised by the sudden response, noticing the strain on his face until he finally relaxed when giving himself the affirmation that you were still safely next to him.

When will you let me in?, you thought to yourself before placing a chaste kiss on his nose.

***

“Maybe I am smitten, it’s kind of hard not to be...” you concluded, “I can see why people fall head over heels for him. I just...I can’t bring myself to put my heart on the line when he still keeps me at an arm’s length. I don’t think it’s worth it if we can’t see each other as equals...”

Rina nodded her head, “Yes. I agree.”

“You...you do? You don’t have any comments or comebacks about how I’m stupid getting involved with yet another fuck boy?”

Your friend chuckled, “Well, I definitely think he holds the fuck boy card...just not when he’s with you. You should hear yourself when you talk about him and honestly...I think the two of you might actually be good together.”

You froze in the middle of the road.

“You...You do?”

“Yes, I do but...”

“Of course, there’s a but...” you grumbled.

“Wait a second, hear me out before you get defensive,” your best friend lectured. “But...this isn’t going to work unless the two of you are completely honest with each other. Before you decide to fall for him, please take that into consideration...”

“I will-”

“The last thing I need is for you to get hurt again...”

You turned to walk in the opposite direction, distracted by the conversation at hand that you didn’t recognize the body that collided into you.

Everything happened in slow motion, with the man’s belly pushing into the plastic cup and you tripping over yourself as you tipped it straight onto the white material of his shirt. The cold tea pooled around his abdomen, covering his top in a bright green as you squealed loudly into the phone.

“Oh! Oh! I’m so sorry!” You blurted, “Rina, I need to call you back...”

“Wait, what just happened?”

“I’ll call you back!” you panicked, before hanging up the phone and staring guilty at the stain.

“I’m so, so sorry! I wasn’t paying attention! Your shirt, oh god...uhm...I’m sure there must be a shop somewhere close by, I can definitely buy a replacement...I should have kept an eye on where I was walking, I didn’t even hear your footsteps behind me, I'm sorr-”

“If I had a coin for every time you spilled something on my shirt, I would be a rich man...”

That voice.

You recognized that voice.

Honeyed like liquid gold. the words channeled straight through your ear, fuzzing your mind as your body went completely still. You couldn’t even feel the gentle wind brush across your skin, going numb as you flickered your attention to meet the person’s gaze, hoping that you would be met with a different face.

Sparks of amber radiated from those hazel eyes, reflecting off the sun and highlighting the smile that spread across the man’s lips.

Those very lips that confessed their love to you time and time gain.

“Haru...” you announced in shock.

“(y/n),” he calmly replied, your grasp easing around the the plastic cup as you lost yourself in his aura, only snapping back to reality when you heard it roll on the concrete ground under you. “...it’s nice to see you.”

***

TAGS: @pensivespecter @ekaterinatepes @jelly-jellx @lollipopd@rosenkow @shuxjodie @mikasackrmann

***

CHAPTER 20: HARU

#Gojo x reader #Gojo Satoru x reader #Gojo x you #Gojo x y/n #gojo x ofc #gojo satoru x you #Gojo Satoru x ofc #Jujutsu Kaisen fan fic #Gojo Satoru fan fic #gojo fan fic #jjk fan fic #Jujutsu Kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you

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illuminatedquill · 3 years

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Hometown Cha Cha Ep.15, Ramblings

I feel like others have used this gif to explain their feelings regarding this episode but it’s so apt that I’m going to use it again.

So, yeah. Hometown Cha Cha Cha Episode 15. How are we all feeling?

Not well, huh? Well me, too. This episode hit all the spots for angst and then some. I was fully expecting it to wreck me and it went above and beyond that. The writing, the acting, the direction, the narrative - all of it made for one potent mix and probably one of the most powerful hours of kdrama television I’ve seen in a while.

I didn’t even cry this hard during Squid Game. It was that good.

I’m not doing my usual analysis because I’m fried, both emotionally and mentally, so instead I’m just going to touch on the parts that stood out to me the most and talk about them.

SPOILER ALERT for anyone who hasn’t watched it yet.

I-jun’s Story

I know we all (rightfully) rave about Kim Seon-ho and Shin Min-ah in this drama but the actor for I-jun, along with his friend Bo-ra, deserve recognition too. Because, man, how can you not cry when they cry.

I-jun is so mature and responsible at his age; it’s something his parents brag about constantly, but it’s easy to forget that he’s still a kid and has feelings that are appropriate for that age. Experiencing a divorce is heavy on anyone, but especially on younger kids. It’s never fun to see your family split apart like that and although I think his parents did their best to limit the damage, his confession at the end still proves that he was bottling up a lot - not because they asked him to, but because he felt like that was what’s expected of him. And that’s terrible.

I don’t think Yeong-guk and Hwa-jeong are awful parents, not by any long shot - it speaks a lot to their characters that I-jun missed having them eat together as a family under one roof and was crying tears of happiness about the announcement of them getting back together. But it’s that high expectation they have of him, unknowingly, that leads him to run away because he’s ashamed of his tears, even though they’re happy tears. His first reaction is mature and reasonable and they’re relieved - but they don’t probe deeper and just take it at face value.

I-jun is a kid. And he was miserable when they were apart and happy when they got back together. He never said anything because he didn’t want to burden them with his feelings. It’s a lot for anyone to do, but especially for someone so young. I’m so happy that Hwa-jeong apologized for not understanding his feelings and that Yeong-guk reaffirmed I-jun’s feelings that, hey, you’re a kid so, yes, you’re allowed to feel this stuff. You can tell us about this and express this whenever you want.

Also Bo-ra’s reaction is hilariously heartwarming - I-jun’s lucky to have a friend like her, who will cry when he cries, and promises to never let him feel lonely ever again, even if what she is promising is essentially a marriage proposal, LOL.

I love these two kids so much. They’re gonna be fine.

Thank you, I-jun and Bo-ra. You re-defined friendship for us, the viewers, and we’ll always love you for that. Life can be miserable, tough, and unyielding, but that’s why we have friends to help lighten the burden.

Cho-hui’s Story

Ah, we could have had it all. While I’m a little disappointed about how her story turned out, it was still a beautiful resolution nevertheless (long may Soljiwan reign). I hope she finds her happiness in someone else and am glad that she isn’t sad about Hwa-jeong getting back together with Yeong-guk. Her story, like all the others in this show, was handled with such love and care.

And Hwa-jeong, again (what a QUEEN), taking Cho-hui’s confession so well. Confirming to Cho-hui that she knew the entire time and didn’t say anything about it, but still accepting her for who she is - especially in the face of her family’s attitude towards her sexuality. Cho-hui’s gonna be alright with a friend like Hwa-jeong by her side.

I’m hoping we get an epilogue with her (well, with everyone) for the finale that maybe she finds new love because that’s what I want for her the most and she deserves it. What a beautiful story in a show that’s already overflowing with them. And Hwa-jeong cheering for her friend the whole way.

Thank you, Cho-hui. Your story resonated with a lot of people and gave hope, comfort, and love. We wish you all the best in life and love. Always be who you are and surround yourself with people who love you for you.

Seon-a, Do-ha, and Du-shik’s Story

So, at last, we get Du-shik’s tragic backstory. And, I have to say, it was well worth the wait.

It’s an ill fate that binds these three together. Ji PD’s choice of Gongjin for his variety show seems to be divine intervention at work. And this episode is pain, pain, PAIN for how we see Du-shik come into the center of this sad story. He’s certainly at the center of this tangled web - why?

Because of his decency. Because of his kindess, his compassion, his empathy towards other people. And it puts him at the crosshairs of all these people, who suffered as he suffered, who lost what he lost, but the difference is that he takes the pain, the blame, and all the misery onto himself. Du-shik is at the center of all this PAIN and AGONY because he puts himself there.

He cannot imagine anywhere else he would be when tragedy strikes.

All of this, because Du-shik tries. And, God, does he try so hard to help when everything falls apart. And when he does try and things seem to get better, it falls apart even more. Someone else he loves, he cares about, he cherishes, loses their life in the process. Jeong-u gets into the car, drives for Du-shik, because he doesn’t want Du-shik driving in his condition.

And he dies because of that.

Was it Du-shik’s fault? No. As Hye-jin pointed out in an earlier episode regarding his grandfather’s death, there are too many variables for it to be entirely his fault. Jeong-u decided to drive. The other car was in the wrong lane (I think?).

And the truck of doom kept going despite having all the time in the world to stop or swerve out of the way.

But Du-shik was there. He survived. And he chose to go see Do-ha’s father. And Jeong-u followed him.

It’s a domino effect, each choice affecting the other, tipping over into another towards the same awful conclusion.

But Du-shik only sees that first domino - himself.

And so do Seon-a and Do-ha.

Do-ha, after hearing from Ji PD and finding out that Du-shik was the one who paid for the medical bills and his tuition, finds the strength to forgive him. “I just wanted someone to blame”, he says.

Seon-a does the same but does not apologize for the things she said and did at her husband’s funeral.

That’s an interesting choice, I thought. Do I agree with it? Absolutely not. Wishing that Du-shik had died in her husband’s place is terrible, even though it was said out of grief. She probably didn’t mean it. I know Jeong-u would have scolded her for saying something so cruel, especially to someone that he loved like a brother.

But I understand it. And I understand why she doesn’t give an apology for her words and actions, terrible as they were.

After grief ravages you like that and robs you, sometimes, even after healing for a couple years, that’s the best you can do. And I think the best Seon-a can do, at this moment, is not resent Du-shik anymore. We’ve seen the viewpoint of this tragedy mostly through Du-shik’s POV and that makes it hard to sympathize with these families who are saying terrible things to him, but they LOST so much on that day too.

Sometimes people forgive and apologize. Sometimes they don’t. Life is like that. People do the best they can and, sometimes, it all goes to hell anyway.

What matters here is that Seon-a let go of her resentment and told Du-shik to forgive himself - because she forgave him. Maybe, in a couple years, she’ll find it within herself to apologize.

Maybe she won’t ever apologize. Doesn’t matter.

She’s moving on. And she tells Du-shik that it’s time to move on, too.

Thank you, Do-ha. Thank you, Seon-a. You showed that there can be forgiveness after grief, healing after loss, and growth after so much death.

Granny Gam-ri’s Story End

I’m not going to wade into the debate whether or not this was necessary. Although, for my two cents, I see what the writer is doing and I think it’s valid. Also, I kinda knew that Gam-ri was most likely going to die since the end of Episode 11. Once she saw that Du-shik was with Hye-jin and how happy they were together, she had nothing more to wish for. No more regrets.

There’s some that wished that they had a last scene together but, true to life, that didn’t happen. I kinda like it that way. We don’t always get a chance for a proper farewell with loved ones. Life doesn’t work out that way. Not all endings are equal or good. They just are.

She was someone that lived a long, full, and happy life. Who saw the extraordinary in the ordinary and sought to spread happiness to everyone she knew. She passed in her sleep, surrounded by two of her best friends, in the house she called home, with a beautiful ocean view outside her front porch.

We should all be so lucky.

Lighthouses keep popping up in the scenery for Gongjin so I’m going to use it here to describe Gam-ri’s role in Du-shik’s life: she was his lighthouse, when he was adrift in a dark and lonely sea. When Du-shik was going to kill himself, it’s her timely text that broke through and reminded him that there was someone who didn’t hate his existence, who wasn’t disgusted by his presence, that there was someone who missed him and wanted to see his face again.

Du-shik is lucky to have three people who have served as his lighthouses for him in his adult life.

The first is Jeong-u, the reliable, kind, and caring older brother. He promises to Du-shik’s grandfather that he would look out for him, take care of him, see him get married.

And then he died.

The second is Gam-ri. Du-shik returned home, broken and battered, and she (along with the rest of Gong-jin) welcomed him back, took him in, helped him to rebuild into the Chief Hong that we all know and love. They gave him a reason to keep going, instead of forever consigning himself to non-existence. She took care of him, served as his lighthouse - but knowing, always knowing, that she was getting older and wouldn’t be around forever.

And the last, of course, is Hye-jin. The love of his life. Who reunited with her “sea prince” once more; this time, to stay and be with him forever. And once they got together, Gam-ri knew that she could relinquish her role in Du-shik’s life to Hye-jin; that if/when it was her time to go, that he would be in good hands.

There’s a scene, near the end of Episode 15, where Hye-jin tells Du-shik not to “overthink things”. You wanna know who the last person is to tell Du-shik that?

It was Gam-ri.

I know they’re setting up a parallel with Gam-ri and the Do-ha’s father for this last episode - that Du-shik, because he was overwhelmed with things, missed out from meeting with these people - but I think the goal this time is to show how he’ll deal with that in a much more healthy fashion now that Hye-jin is there with him. He’s not alone now. There’s someone there to hold his hand, lend their shoulder, and give a hug when he wants to cry.

Hye-jin will be Du-shik’s lighthouse; his lookout for when the sea gets too dark and turbulent. His guiding light when he gets lost and wants to go home.

Gam-ri is happy. She died knowing that this person, who is like a son to her, is no longer alone. That’s more than enough.

So, thank you Gam-ri. Thank you, so much. I hope you enjoy your picnic and eat lots of tasty squid.

We’re going to miss you. I hope you don’t mind waiting a while for everyone else to catch up.

Final Thoughts

I cried a lot. I don’t usually cry during dramas. I didn’t even cry during Squid Game (although I felt really sad).

But this one? This drama really pushed me over the edge. There’s just so much heart in it.

I trust the writer to bring this home for one more fantastic episode. This has seriously been a perfect run so far. I don’t have any expectations (except, well, more crying) other than give this whole seaside village the happy send off they deserve.

One more episode to go. Let’s all re-hydrate and prepare for the end of this beautiful story that is Hometown Cha Cha Cha.

Say it with me one more time?

La la la la la la la la la, Romantic Sunday -

#hometown cha cha cha #homecha #homcha #hong du shik #yoon hye jin #kim seon ho #shin min ah #chief hong #hong banjang #kdrama #netflix

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snowlily95 · 3 years

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Aerith in light of healthcare provider

So, I've wanted to write an analysis about Aerith in light of her medical viewpoint for quite a long time but only recently got the chance to complete it. It is well known in the game that Aerith is the healer of the story. She possesses a great MP with a limit break to heal and buff people which greatly affects your gameplay. Of course, you can equip others with Healing and Prayer materias to render them useful for healing as well. But story-wise, no one can take away Aerith's status as the healer. We know in canon that Aerith provided herbs to the Sector 5 slums doctor to create medicine. And if you finished the Corneo Stash side quest in Chapter 14, you can return to the church and see a couple of elderly sitting on the pew praying. And when you come closer to them you'll hear them talking about how they didn't see Aerith around and they're sure she's alright and probably be around healing people. You know, since the Sector 7 plate just fell. (Even though Aerith is not alright actually coz she was kidnapped by Shinra by this time) Point is, we are fed by the NPCs on how much Aerith had helped around as a healer. She had been doing this for years.

While being in denial about who she actually is, being a healer had always been implanted in her. She is used to it. When you're used to being a healer, there's a certain level when you have a different reaction compared to others. The way you think is different. Apart from that, she's also a Cetra. And we knew for a fact Cetra had a certain affinity towards souls who are returning to the Planet. Meaning, as much as she is used to healing others, she's also used to sensing death.

My whole point is that being a Cardiac Anaesthesiologist and Intensivist as I am, I can totally relate my position with Aerith, as we both have constantly helped people and encounter death on daily basis. While I'm pretty confident that the majority of these might be coincidences (because I'm pretty sure there are no doctors in the SE team), I thought the coincidences are pretty cool to ponder upon and I'm amazed at how the subtle differences between Aerith's reaction to events from other characters.

I'm gonna ignore the meta part of Aerith, mainly because I'm not discussing how much Aerith knew, and if there was anything in jeopardy of what she knew whatsoever. So we're gonna focus on the fact that she is used to healing and feeling people's death. People who are used to death on daily basis had a certain unique view on life and death. And that affects how we act upon facing them too. While this is evident throughout Remake, I'm gonna focus on the plate drop event to be more concise. I will also use Tifa as a comparison to make it easier to see the difference between the reaction of the two. Let’s start!

1) Aerith is quick in emergency situations.

When you are used to people dying, you developed a certain immunity and you are able to have a sound mind and composure at the sudden change of event. As healthcare providers, we face stable situations turning into critical real fast. And we have a switch in our minds that turns us from standby mode to rescue mode. This is exactly what happened to Aerith when Don Corneo revealed Shinra's plan to blow up Sector 7's support pillar. Tifa is part of Sector 7. It is her home. Which is why her reaction showed how she was super devastated, she slowly stood up and muttered "They wouldn't..." because she couldn't believe it. Aerith? She had that switch in her mind, and she immediately turned and say "Come on, guys! We gotta go!". She switched into that critical mode in a second. It helps that she's also not personally connected to Sector 7, and thus her judgment was not as impaired. Of course, they both switched into the critical mode in the sewer, but it was at the moment of revelation that made it different. Just like how healthcare providers switched at the moment of revelation that their patients are at the brink of death—you immediately jumped into rescue mode.

2) She plans for the worst.

Remember after they defeated Abzu and Tifa started to question Corneo's information? She didn't want to believe it, because it didn't make sense to destroy your years of efforts building the plate just to get back to a small group like AVALANCHE. Think about the money they put in to build it, they're gonna have to put them all again. In fact, along their way out of the sewer, Tifa voiced out multiple times how this had been bothering her. But I'm intrigued with Aerith's reply "If he's telling the truth, then we should go. And if it turns out he was lying, then so what?". This here is exactly what doctors do. We plan and prepare for the worst. And if the worst didn't happen, then so what? If you ever had life-saving surgery, your doctors would tell you "You need this surgery coz you might die. But if you do the surgery, there's a high chance you'll survive, but there's a small chance you'll die too". And we prepare for that small chance that our patients die. No, we don't let our preparations lacking because we hope they'll survive. We prepare for the worst outcome possible and get all the equipment ready in case they'll die. If they didn't, then so what? It doesn't mean our preparations were futile efforts. It only means we were prepared. And that line of Aerith seriously hits home to me.

3) She hopes for the best.

Before they crossed the water sewer, Tifa once again voiced out how she couldn't stop thinking about what Corneo said, and she was still hoping that he was lying. And then Aerith said, "The future isn't set in stone". (Again, I'm gonna ignore the meta part of Aerith) And then she proceeded to set up that small date with Tifa. Believe it or not, this is actually what we do during bad calls. We'd talk about what we would do after all this ends; we'd go out dining, or playing games/darts, or go drinking, or whatever it is that makes us happy. Just to keep our minds calm and to allow us to hope for the future, even if it's just a few hours away. It gives us hope and courage to go on. We plan for the worst, but we hope for the best. The more critical the situation is, the more you need to be level-headed. And needless to say, after this point onwards, Tifa is much more calmed down from her struggle to keep herself focus.

4) She follows orders.

This might sound weird to some, but the ability to cast away your worry and focus on what you can do, instead of what you should do, is important in emergency situations. You need to know what you don't know. You don't get in the way of your comrades. If you're not good at intubating, you don't insist to intubate in emergency situations just because you wanna help. Seriously, you'll just make things worse. When Cloud, Tifa, and Aerith were attacked before climbing up and out of the sewer, Cloud asked both Tifa and Aerith to keep going. Aerith immediately answers "Okay" and left—without a single but. This is significant because it shows that Aerith knew she'd be better off leaving. She doesn't need to offer help, coz her help was not needed. This is not the place where she could help. The ability to recognize this is very important for healthcare professionals. Tifa was a bit more reluctant to leave, but that's probably because she is a martial artist in-game. Also, the fact that Aerith could still joke "We're not delicious" is just so real lol! Yup, we joke sometimes when we're facing deaths—doesn't mean we lose focus in saving the dying person in front of us, don't worry. And then it happens again when they reached Sector 7 when Cloud asked them to stay with Wedge as he goes up, Aerith immediately answered "sure"—because she can "patch" Wedge up, it's where her abilities lie. This is even more accentuated when an injured Wedge argued that he can still fight when he clearly can't—making this point even more obvious. Aerith is someone with a healthcare mind, Wedge was not.

5) She supports her comrades emotionally even when she’s worried too.

When they reached the surface, they spotted a Shinra helicopter. Cloud assured them they're only on patrol. Aerith turned to Tifa and said, "Don't worry, we'll make it in time". This moment is also very iconic to me. As I mentioned, I'm an anaesthesiologist. We are the support doctors to surgeons and physicians. Those moments when we're operating on AAA surgeries and the patient is losing liters of blood and literally dying, we're pumping bloods in with our hands and get those Level 1 machines operating, and the surgeons would be panicking because it keeps bleeding? Yep, I did say it before. "We'll make it. Just concentrate on the surgery and don't worry about the bleeding", even though I'm sweating and dying here trying to keep the patient alive. But I pretended to be calm in front of my team and cheered them on. Because the whole team needs to keep calm. If one of the team loses hope, then bid your chance farewell. As an anaesthesiologist, we're almost like the anchor in the room. People look at us to know if everything's alright. I need to tell them it's alright, so they need not worry. Aerith knew Tifa is worried. And she tried to keep Tifa calm with reassurance. Even if she probably freaked out herself.

6) She doesn’t discriminate.

After they defeated the ghost at the haunted maintenance facility, Cloud tried to kill it, and Aerith didn't let him. When Cloud said that thing was dangerous, Aerith said she knows and added "but even so..." she didn't feel right about killing it. (Let's ignore the fact that the Ghoul was a lonely creature for now) It then goes to drop the train wreck which almost killed them had it not been for Cloud. Now this would have been avoided had Aerith let Cloud killed it—maybe. But here's the thing. When you're hyper-aware that people are dying left and right, you value life more. No one deserves to die, even the worst criminal in the world. You're a law-abiding citizen? You're a criminal? It doesn't make a difference to us. I know this is something super hard to comprehend. But technically only when the law subjects the criminal to the death sentence that a person should be left to die. I've been a doctor for eleven years, I was a prison doctor for two. I had the first-hand experience of dealing with criminals. It's not my job to determine whether they deserve to die or not. It's not my call whether they will turn a new leaf had they lived. I know this is something others find difficult to relate to and agree with—happens to my non-medical family and friends. The verdict to us is simple. It's a life. It's worth saving. Period. (Technically the ghosts are dead though but my point still stands)

7) She tries to her best abilities and lets go of what is out of her control.

Tifa's emotions are tampered with again when they confirmed Shinra was going to drop the plate when they overheard the Turks conversation. Her voice shook, we can literally hear it. Aerith's response was "all we can do now is keep moving". And she's right. When they reached Sector 7 and the Whispers were preventing them, she said "we have to get past whatever it takes". And later on, Tifa left to help Cloud and Barret, and Aerith agreed to get to Seventh Heaven to ensure Marlene's safety. Wedge had a short mental breakdown when he realized he was no good to anyone up or down the crime scene. And Aerith told him "We can still save a lot of lives", "That's no excuse to give up", "I need to know I did everything I could". Her encouragement helped Wedge save more people. Some argued, did she not care about the lives that already died? Now here's my point; no, we don't. Sorry if this sounds harsh, but really. What can we do for people who are already dead? Nothing. What can we do for people who are still alive? Everything. And this is the core of being a healthcare provider—we prioritize. Yes, we're also humans. We can get emotional when our own friends and relatives die. (Aerith might not be as calm had it happened at Sector 5) But when we put the healthcare provider cap on, we mean business. That is why when disasters happened, and we triage people with a black tag? That's when we know we couldn't do anything for them. We don't mourn at the black tags. We move on to the other tags instead. So that we know we already did everything in our power to help. And yes, it doesn't matter even if we lost more lives than we saved. It's worth it, even if we only saved one person out of thousands of deaths. Just like how Aerith saved Betty in Sector 7. That one life is worth it.

#Aerith Gainsborough #Aeris Gainsborough #ff7 aerith #aerith #aeris #FF7 Remake #final fantasy 7 remake #final fantasy vii remake #ffvii remake #ff7remake #final fantasy vii: remake #final fantasy vii #Final Fantasy 7 #FFVII #ff7

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jilytoberfest · 3 years

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Author - @magic-girl-in-a-muggle-world

Thank you very much for taking the time to do this!! You can find her on ao3!

This will be the last but certainly not the first interview of the month! I really hope all of you enjoyed reading interviews of the authors! I know I have.

1. What would you say is your interesting writing quirk?

I don't have one I can put my finger on.

2. What was one of the most surprising things you learned in creating your stories?

That characters have minds of their own - I can create them and guide them to a point, but the longer the stories go on, the more they're going to show me where they want and need to go, and what story they really want to tell.

3. Do you have any suggestions to help others become a better writer? If so, what are they?

Write a lot. Read authors you admire and figure out what it is you like about their style, what do they do well? Find friends you trust to be honest with you, preferably other writers who understand how personal this process can be, and talk through stories with them. Let them read your stuff before it's perfect and help you figure out why it's not working, if it isn't. A lot of good writing is being brave, I think.

4. What do you think makes a good story?

Realistic, relatable characters that you get invested in. They don't have to be realistic to our world, but realistic to the world in the book/story. I also am a lover of witty dialogue and people who are silly in stories that are not.

5. What is the first book that made you cry?

I don't remember. Books don't often make me cry, though. I can't remember if A Time to Kill made me cry, but that seems likely. The only two I can specifically recall are The Green Mile and Half-blood Prince - Dumbledore's death scene WRECKED me.

6. Does writing energize or exhaust you?

It depends on the day, but mostly, it energizes me. I feel good after writing the same way you feel good after working out - like I accomplished something important.

7. Have you ever gotten reader’s block? If so, what are your tips to overcome it?

Yes, all the time! To me, it tends to coincide with depression or anxiety. During those times, it’s often hard for me to read anything new - I need my comfort books/fics. I say let yourself have times when you can’t read (or write) as much as you want. Everybody’s brain needs a break. And when you want to get back into it, start with something short by an author you like or a new one you want to check out. If you enjoy the one-shots or short stories by that person, maybe you’ll be excited to read more.

8. Do you think someone could be a writer if they don’t feel emotions strongly?

I don't know, I think different things go into writing for everyone. I do think you have to feel strongly about something to even want to sit down and write a story, it's too much work if you're not emotionally invested.

9. If you could tell your younger writing self anything, what would it be?

I dunno, just keep writing.

10. What was your hardest scene to write?

Probably Jily resolving their big fight in Distraction. A lot needed to be said, and I didn't want it to be boring or repetitive. And I needed the resolution to feel earned, not rushed. I felt a lot of pressure to do it justice.

11. What is your favorite childhood book?

Hmm, probably something by Roald Dahl. Matilda or Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, maybe. Those are the two I went back to the most. There's also a series of three books by Mildred D. Taylor - Roll of Thunder Hear My Cry, Let the Circle Be Unbroken, and Road to Memphis. I used to read the last two in that series over and over. They deal with tough themes and always made me feel grown lol.

12. How long on average does it take you to write a one shot or a chapter of a fic?

That varies wildly. Sometimes a thousand words comes in a couple hours, sometimes 200 words is like pulling teeth without anesthetic.

13. A fic that inspires you?

I don't read a ton of fic lately, it seems. But All About the Chemistry by @tumbledfreckles is a recent masterpiece, the kind of thing that just makes me want to be better! A Little Risk by @blitheringmcgonagall is also amazing; creative in a way that blows my mind. I don't think of myself as someone who is super creative or has a great imagination, so I am totally in awe of fics like that.

14. How do you edit your work?

Mostly by constantly re-reading and tweaking stuff as I write. For "important" stuff, when it's time to post, whether it's been beta'd or not, I change the font and font size and read the whole thing again. You catch lots of mistakes when you make it look different, your brain reads it like it's new!

15. Where does inspiration come from?

Movies, books, random comments from friends, funny quotes...lots of places.

16. Who has been helpful for you as you write for the fandom?

Too many people to name! But a starting point is all my loves in the Oldermort Discord! A bunch of supportive, silly friends 😊 But anyone who has ever left me a nice comment or sent me a tumblr message is an absolute doll, those comments and messages make my day and make me want to write more.

17. What is your fav POV to write from?

James Potter, third person. I like being in his head and writing about how in awe of Lily he always is :-) And I never write fic from first person POV.

18. What is a fic you would love to write but are worried you won’t be able to accomplish it/nervous it wouldn’t work out?

I have too many ideas to be able to finish them all, but nothing specific stands out.

19. Do you ever self insert in fics?

No, not my thing. But my main characters almost always have a bit of me in them, in one way or another.

20. What is the story you are proudest of?

Distraction, just because it's the longest and was a long time in the making!

21. Do you prefer writing canon jily or muggle au?

Canon. Muggle AU is fun sometimes, but if you change too much, to me, it just feels like original fiction. And since we have so little Marauders era canon, I like exploring that world.

Thank you very much!!!!!

#jilyinterview #writers interview #jilytober

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fantasy2739 · 3 years

Note

Prompt jamie and Ted father/son bonding please. 🥺🥺 Whether playing video games, watching a movie idk just wholesome lol

Ted Jamie father son??? Sign me up!!

Also I am currently emotionally wrecked after 2x08 so if anyone needs me I will be crying over hug and phone call (iykyk)

Anyway, enjoy!!

Jamie isn’t entirely sure what he’s doing at Ted’s. Only that he’s there. He feels like he missed a trick somewhere. Maybe he was lured here. Like by one of them mermaids. Wait no, sirens. Yeah like a siren call. Point is, he’s here. In Ted’s flat. On the fucking couch. Ted’s pottering around the kitchen.

“Tea?” He calls.

“Nah, that’s an old person drink.” Jamie says. “It’s gross.” He refrains from cracking a comment about how much Roy drinks it. Fucking senior citizen.

“Finally, someone who understands.” Ted says. “Garbage water. Coffee?”

“Yeah.” Jamie agrees and a steaming mug is placed in front of him. Ted sinks into the chair next to him with his own mug. He’s smiling at Jamie, like he’s waiting for him to start talking. Jamie thinks he’d rather not. Because he’s got no clue what to say.

“Now I know you didn’t come all this way to enjoy my coffee.” Ted says when it’s clear Jamie isn’t going to say anything. Jamie shrugs. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.” Jamie admits.

“Should you talk about it?” Ted asks, which is oddly comforting. Jamie shakes his head in the negative.

“Can we just talk, do something else?” He asks, his voice coming out slightly cracked. Something in Ted’s face softens.

“Sure thing mr bling.” He says. He pulls a face. “Oh I do not like that. Hmmm. Thing. Thing. Sing? No that makes no sense. Ooh king, huh. Sugar king, little king?” Jamie snorts at that. Ted grins like it was his intention all along. Probably was the sly asshole. “Now let’s see, something to do, something to do. Hmmm ooo I have some board games. Y’all got Ludo over here?”

“With like the dice and meeple and shit?” Jamie asks. He realises that it might be a little vague given how many games include dice and shit. Ted’s understood though, and scarpered off to unearth the board. He places the board on his coffee table.

“Alright now we both know the rules?” He asks, all polite. Jamie just nods. “Good, but I should warn you I am a champ at this game. And I won’t go easy on you.” Jamie gives him a look that says ‘try it’ and it’s on.

Jamie’s always kind of sucked at board games. He never really played them, far too invested in sports, tv, dating. His mum had played a few with him, usually mercilessly wrecking him and telling him he was a sweetheart for letting an old gal like her win. It’s not that he doesn’t get the rules or anything, it’s just not something he’s invested a lot of time in. Or thought really. So sitting cross legged on Ted’s floor, eagerly leaning over the game of Jenga that Ted brought out, is a new kind of feeling. It’s a happy one. Ted had, as expected, beaten him at Ludo. He’d been super encouraging the whole time though.

“Uh I believe you touched that one.” Jamie points out, watching Ted like a hawk. “House rules.” Ted scrunches his nose but agrees and begins the task of trying to work out his best to pull the piece out. Ted closes one eye and manages, by some kind of miracle, to get the single piece neatly out of the Jenga tower.

“The laws of physics salute me.” Ted says with a grin. Jamie almost wants to grump but watching the tower drop neatly down was kind of fucking impressive. Jamie plays it safe. Taking a piece from a row that still has three.

“Go on then, dazzle us.” Jamie teases. Ted pulls of another insane move, leaving Jamie to feel the pressure. Unfortunately, he picks the wrong piece and the whole thing tumbles.

“Fuck!” Jamie yelps, more in surprise at the pieces flying everywhere than annoyance. Ted laughs a little.

“Alright, loser takes some punishment.” Ted says, still chortling. Jamie freezes slightly, because this was just meant to be fun. Fuck he hadn’t actually been bothered by losing. Fuck. “You ticklish Jamie?” Jamie stares at Ted like he just asked him streak around Richmond or something.

“What?” He asks.

“Ticklish.” Ted repeats. Jamie flushes slightly because he is. He’s just never really admitted to it because it’s embarrassing. Who the fuck wants to be ticklish? Ted raises his hands and waggles his fingers expectantly. Jamie’s off like a shot. They’re sprinting around Ted’s appartement, with Jamie at one point diving over the bed to escape. They’ve definitely pissed off Ted’s upstairs neighbour, Mrs Ship or whatever. They’re back in the living room and Jamie is leaning against the couch, moving side to side to avoid Ted like he’s got a fucking chainsaw.

“Can’t I just, do like a shot of cinnamon or something?” Jamie asks. Ted drops his hands, waggling fucks, and stares.

“No that’s disgusting. It’ll dry your mouth out faster than the Nevada desert.” He says.

“I could shot tea.” Jamie offers, raising one eyebrow and pointing at Ted. Ted thinks about it.

“Garbage water it is.” He agrees and Jamie sags in relief. He doesn’t hate tea and the cup Ted makes him is more sugar than tea.

“You trying to ruin my sexy body?” Jamie asks as he takes a sip.

“I figured it would taste better with more sugar.” Ted says. “Don’t all y’all kids like sugar.” Jamie shrugs like he doesn’t mind either way. Ted shrugs too, ambling off to tidy up the mess they made. Jamie sits back on the floor, sipping at his tea and grimacing. How the fuck Roy drinks this shit, he doesn’t know. Just as he sets the mug down a blanket appears at him. He flinches slightly but picks it up.

“What’s this for?” Jamie asks, like Ted’s handed him a fucking book again or some shit.

“It gets cold round this time.” Ted says simply. “C’mon now budge up, I’m thinking it’s time for a movie.” Jamie does as he’s told because when in Reno right? Ted’s moving back and forth between the kitchen and suddenly there’s popcorn, hula hoops and crisps. Ted grabs another blanket (fuck there’s a lot of blankets floating about) and settles down next to Jamie. Jamie tugs the blanket (Richmond fucking blue of course) and wraps it round himself. Ted’s talking and moving his hands, discussing the pros and cons of the movies on Netflix. Jamie settling his back against the couch and listens half heartedly. The control lands in his lap and he sort of stares at it. Ted’s smiling at him. Jamie has no clue what to watch.

So he sticks on fucking Toy Story.

At some point, he dozes. Maybe because he’s tired, or because he’s seen Toy Story a thousand times, or because he just feels like he can. He ends up smushed against Ted, eyes heavy, before his body just caves and he’s out. It’s warm and cosy, and there’s an arm reaching round him to cuddle. He’s almost missed cuddling. And most of the men he grew up around weren’t exactly… well they weren’t the cuddling type. Ted clearly is because he’s tugged Jamie close, soothingly rubbing his arm up and down.

He wakes up the next morning on the couch, wondering when the fuck that happened. He’s a light sleeper usually. He doesn’t have time to ponder it as Ted pops into view.

“Morning Jamie, cereal?” He asks, like this is the most normal thing in the world. Like players regularly crash on his couch.

As Jamie stretches and drags himself out of the makeshift bed he realises.

It feels right to him.

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laufire · 2 years

Note

For the ask meme: Bela Talbot

I've actually replied to this before! It's something I've thought A LOT about when it comes to Bela. Those glimpses we get of her (the canon fixation on 1971's Dracula, her apparent appreciation for Mina in particular) are so evocative and effectively paint a picture of her interests I find VERY compelling.

I mentioned there how I imagine this translating into a fascination for the Gothic genre or vampire fiction, if maybe it would give her mixed feelings, especially the first. Some of the ones I think she might like are after her time, sadly (ofc we agree she lived after the screen faded to black or she simply watched them later as a demon xD). For example I think Kisa's storyline in From Dusk Till Dawn or Caroline's in The Vampire Diaries could feel cathartic to her.

To mention a few new ones: I think she would gravitate towards Dead Girl stories such as Twin Peaks (although my personal headcanon was that she never got around watching it in her first life because shows took more time. In one fic at least I plan on having her compare Castiel to Agent Cooper so that's how it came to mind xD).

I also think she'd like Angela Carter's books. This is almost entirely because of a beautiful graphic of Bela with one of her quotes, but so what xD. Well, and also because I think it'd fit. I think she'd have to repress tears for a few days after reading The Bloody Chamber for the first (and only) time she read it. I can see her being mildly fond of Austen's books -not her favourite, but something she might read to relax when she gets illogically nostalgic or wants something less emotionally taxing (not saying Austen can't wreck your emotions a bit lol, but compared to the other things I imagine her reading, yeah).

Lastly, I picture her reading non fiction biographies of Great And/Or Controversial Women In History. From Lucrezia Borgia to Elizabeth Tudor to Mae West to Bonnie Parker to Mara Hari to Wu Zetian to Mary Frith to Ada Lovelace to Nelly Bly... and so on.

send me a character, and I’ll tell you what books, films, etc. I think they’d be into.

#katieshiftblr #replies #talking to the void #my thoughts #spn thoughts #bela talbot #thanks for this one!#i love ralking about my girl :D

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monaownsmyass · 4 years

Text

Going Out Of My Mind In My Mind

Requested fic by anon. (If you have any fic ideas or requests you'd like me to write, you can leave me an ask!)

Book: My First Two Loves

Pairing: Ava Lawrence x MC (Emma Price)

Genre: Fluff but make it angsty

Rating: PG13

Warning: Mild homophobic comments

Word Count: 3,611

A/N: Ava is in love with her best friend. She gets lost in her own thoughts while contemplating if she should reach out to MC. Firstly, I wanna say I’m so sorry to the anon that requested this if they wanted a more light-hearted fluff fic lmfao. If you did, please send me another ask lol. Secondly, I wanna apologise to my fellow wlw for including a little homophobia. It’s not that harsh or mean, but it’s there. I thought including it would better portray a realistic encounter of what it’s like to be a wlw accepting her sexuality and exploring her feelings.

Tag list: @ineedskyecrandall @kamilahsayeet2063 @avalawrencefl @lovekamilahsayeed @thequeenkamilahsayeed @heygmicheelle @djtjsmith14 @jjlover01 @soft-for-drake @dopeyouth @alexroyard @satrinadia @toalltheboysididntlove @mypegasifly @queen-arabella-of-cordonia (lmk if anyone would like to be included or removed in my next fics and if you only want to be tagged for certain pairings.)

The first time I realised I was in love with my best friend was... well, I'm not sure if I'm being honest.

But damn, if that's not the most generic, cliché plot ever for every sapphic film and story ever, I'm not sure what is. However, there was always some truth to fiction and I was no exception.

That was my life. Generic and cliché. Popular high school captain of the cheerleaders who lived in the suburbs and came from a middle-class family that has dated the school's famous golden-boy quarterback.

For far too long, everything was normal. Too normal. Painfully normal.

That is, of course, until I started realising I had feelings for my best friend that was very much into guys. As I've mentioned, I couldn't pint-point an exact date or incident but like a hurricane, it was sudden even though there were warnings signs and it was just as destructive, uprooting and destroying everything I thought I once knew, a force to be reckoned with.

It was utter chaos in a seeming perfect picture but for the first time in my life, I felt alive.

Emma Price was my hurricane. Whether that was a good or bad thing, that was up for debate. All I knew was that I wanted her in my life and didn't care if it wasn't the best idea or if it would hurt me. I just wanted her to be with me.

I think that's the funniest thing about finally having a genuine, heart-wrenching, crush on someone. Even the smartest people get dumb, the most cautious are reckless and the logical becomes irrational. Everything that made sense doesn't anymore because why the hell are you doing things you normally wouldn't do for someone that doesn't even like you back?

I learnt that first-hand and I wished someone would've warned me before that. Not like I would've believed it but at least it would be playing at the back of my mind. An echo in the distance, a nagging voice.

I did the stupidest stuff once I was certain I was in love with Emma. I knew I was in love with her but I was in denial and did things I regretted. Dating other people, trying to make her jealous, downplaying my feelings when I saw her with Mason or Noah. Pushing her away and avoiding her instead of talking to her...

It's different, falling for your best friend. Feelings and signals are mixed, emotions are at a high and everything is just one confusing mess of a relationship that was once simple and innocent.

And now, here I was, laying on my bed, staring at my phone as if it would magically tell me the right thing to do if I looked long enough. It didn't, of course. I sighed, wondering if I should shoot Emma a text. It's been some time since we just talked for fun and I missed her sorely.

Procrastinating, I swiped through my home page. My eyes caught sight of a certain app that I opened ever so often whenever I was missing my best friend.

~*~*~

"Come on! Just download it!"

I scrunched my nose up. "Give me one good reason why."

"Because you’re the best friend in the whole world and you'll do anything I say because you love me?" she said jokingly while batting her eyelashes at me but my heart started racing.

I was acutely aware of her hand on my thigh and the way she leaned into me. My breath hitched at her nearness even though we've been closer before.

That was something else about having a crush on your best friend. Suddenly, everything felt like too much. Every word, every touch, every damn single thing was overwhelming and honestly? It was exhausting. Not only is it emotionally tiring, you go into this weird phase of wanting to savour everything they do and you can't help but wonder why you didn't appreciate these small moments before. You can't help but feel as if you've wasted them all.

If she could sense me stiffen, she didn't show it 'cuz she just went on. "Also, it's about a cartoon cat that eats to save the world! What's not to love?"

"That sounds ridiculous, Em," I laughed. "What's the game called?"

"Dopey Cat!"

"Oh god," I groaned. "That makes it sounds much worse."

"Or much better!" She nudged me and I felt a jolt go up my arm. I always wondered if these simple touches felt the same to her. "Do it"

"Alright, alright!" I giggled and surrendered. "Only 'cuz I'm such a great friend."

"Yes! And like I said," Emma leaned in and my heart dropped to my stomach. "The best."

She gave me a slow, soft peck on my cheek and rested her head on my shoulder, clinging onto my arm and leaving me a flustered mess.

~*~*~

I thought about that moment often. More often then I'd like to admit. Every time I did, the same thoughts would always come to mind.

What would've happened if I kiss her? What if I just turned my head right before her lips touched my skin? Would she have kissed me back? Would she push me away? Maybe she'd say she felt the same way about me.

But that didn't happen, so all I could do was wonder.

And wonder I did.

Being in my room like this, doing nothing, it really did make my mind go everywhere. I've dreamed and cried and laughed and screamed and doing nothing was suddenly the most taxing thing I've ever done. Doing nothing when you're in love with someone who doesn't love you back was the most dangerous thing 'cuz they’re already always on your mind but when you're doing nothing, your thoughts just spirals down an endless pit of possibilities that'll never happen and ultimately, you get hurt.

But knowing this, I still let my thoughts spiral anyway. How could I not when the joy and peace I got from imaging a world where her and I were together was worth the pain and heartbreak?

'Cuz figment of my imagination or reality, it didn't matter, she was worth it.

I've imagine us on dates, having picnics, watching movies, going on road trips, sleeping over, laughing over nothing, at the park, at the beach, in a field, in our rooms.

I've thought about us dancing in the living room at 12 a.m., huddled in bundles of blankets on a cold night, singing along to our song while making breakfast, staying up under the night sky and talking about everything and nothing until sunrise, being able to introduce her as my girlfriend and kissing her whenever I felt like.

I've dreamt about us so much as a couple that I've accidentally mistaken reality for fiction but like I've said, there's always some truth to fiction.

~*~*~

"Congrats on being co-captains, guys!" Iris wished us enthusiastically, practically jumping up and down.

"Seriously, you guys totally deserve it," Toni agreed.

"Thank you!" Emma said.

"You two are the best duo! Our cheer squad is gonna rule with you both leading us!"

"Thanks," I said and pulled Emma in for a side hug, feeling goosebumps from the contact. "We do make a pretty great couple."

I immediately froze when I realised what I said and mentally kicked myself.

God, that was so stupid! Why was I so careless? I should watch what I say!

That wasn't the first time I've done it and I was sure it wasn't the last, but just like how Emma was always the only one to mess up my constant, she was the one difference between all the other times and this time.

She had never heard me refer to ourselves as a couple but while I was beating myself up, Emma handled the situation coolly. She slid her hand in mine and squeezed which did nothing to calm my wrecked nerves.

"We definitely sure would! She the sweetest, more caring person in the world and I'd be so lucky to call her mine." She leaned into me and gave me a nudge but all I could do was stare at her, eyes wide and brows raised.

Her deep brown eyes locked onto mine and I swear I could feel the spark between our gaze. And what was that I saw in her eyes? Longing? A hint? I wasn't sure but I could've sworn there was something else I couldn't quite decipher. Then again, I didn't really trust my thoughts. If it could make me believe we were actually a couple, why would I ever trust it in this situation? How could I?

I'm not sure how long we were staring at each other 'cuz to me, it felt timeless. We only broke apart when we heard someone making a retching sound.

"Gross! Go get a room," Lauren said as she walked towards us. "No one wants to see two lesbos in action."

I felt her hand fall out of mine and suddenly, I felt very vulnerable.

"You don't have to be rude!" Iris defended.

"Yeah, Lauren, no one asked," Toni agreed.

Emma spoke up. "Go away, Lauren. No one wants you here." She said it in an almost tired manner. She was done with putting up with her and it showed.

"Aw, protecting your lesbian lover? Cute," Lauren rolled her eyes and walked away. "Whatever, later, losers!"

"Don't listen to her," Toni said after Lauren left.

But how could I not?

"Hey, Ava?"

I could hear the sweet voice of best friend calling out to me but it was distant.

Everything was. I didn't feel like I was in my body. All my senses were numb and I felt nothing. Nothing except the raging white heat within me. I was having an out of body experience in the worst way possible and for a moment, I didn't feel human.

~*~*~

Then Ava was definitely different from Now Ava. Then Ava wanted to cry and run as far as she could. But she couldn't. She was paralysed with fear and embarrassment. Now Ava would've just laughed and called Lauren pathetic. Maybe even give her a nice slap across the face if she felt like it. But Now Ava wasn't Then Ava, so why dwell on the past?

The thing is, I didn't want to. But like that dull throb at the back of your skull after a concussion, I just couldn't ignore it. You tell everyone you're fine, and for the most part, you are. But that annoying sensation, constantly reminding you aren't, that you just couldn't forget. That was that moment with Lauren.

Her words played in my mind on repeat for the first week after hearing it. Months later that voice was softer and less frequent, but it was still there.

A lot happened in those months. The biggest of all? I finally accepted that I was gay. No, not gay, a lesbian.

That word Lauren had spoken with a jeer, the word she used to insult me, the word that was meant to humiliate me, I was that word.

That wasn't the only time I heard it used that way but it was the first time it was used against me. Lauren's words was a constant reminder in my mind that being a lesbian was an embarrassment, that I was an embarrassment.

Then Ava would feel a chill run up her spine when she heard that word even though it wasn't directed to her. And when it finally was, her soul left her body but of course, that would've been too easy. Her soul leaving her body would've been the easy way out. So instead, she was forced back into reality and had to find a way to deal with it.

Now Ava knew it wasn't a bad thing. Of course she did, she was one, after all. So why did Lauren's words still haunt her?

I still had to remind myself that it was okay. It wasn't gross or immoral or whatever nonsense they put into my mind about girls liking other girls. And every time I did, the madder I got. At everyone that has ever said anything about it and at myself.

Because how dare they tell me how to feel?

And how dare I listen to them when I knew it wasn't true?

I was at peace with it now. I was at peace with being a lesbian. But being at peace wasn't the same as embracing it, owning it. And I'm not sure if I ever will, but I hope I do.

I wasn't out to anyone, and god, I've never felt so suffocated in my life. I couldn't even tell Emma 'cuz I was afraid of how she'd react. Or worse, that she'd assume I have a crush on her. And the worst part, that it was true. That I couldn't even deny it.

Not being able to tell your best friend whom you've always told everything to made me feel like shit. It ate away at me every time I was near her and whenever we were talking. I always wanted to bring it up but I never found out how. Maybe I will soon, but not now.

Emma had always been understanding. Even when she didn't get it, she would try. She wasn't quick to judge nor did she so easily jump to conclusions but I couldn't help but think that maybe, she wouldn't be so understanding. 'Cuz that's what you do when you overthink. You worry about things that you shouldn't and you create false scenarios and you just, can't, stop.

Which was exactly what I was doing right now.

I sighed, catching myself before I could spiral any further and rolled onto my side, staring out of the window with my phone abandoned on the bed.

It started drizzling and it was getting pretty cold. I moved to get under my comforter and wrapped the sheets around me.

And once again, I closed my eyes as my mind began to wander.

If only Emma was by my side...

~*~*~

"Oh my god! Ava! Stop!" she would giggle as I showered her in kisses.

"Nu-uh!" I'd respond and wrap her up in my arms, still kissing her wherever I could reach as we rolled around on my bed, playing.

She'd try to escape but since I'm stronger than her, it's useless. She's trapped in my embrace and eventually, she'd give in and hug me back.

We'd laughed about silly inside jokes as we let our hands linger over each other's bodies, not wanting to let go.

I'd pull her tight and she'd rest her head against my chest as the rain outside got heavier.

I'd shower her in compliments and she'd blush. We'd talk about life, our hopes and dreams and ambitions. Our plans and future together.

"Would you still be with me?" I'd ask her.

"Forever and always, baby," she'd reply and give me a reassuring kiss.

We'd waste away the rest of the day together and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

~*~*~

But that was just fantasy. She's not here and I'm not ready. Not ready to come out to Emma, let alone confront her about my feelings for her.

I took a deep breath before opening my eyes, as if I were physically preparing myself to come back to reality. I glanced at my phone screen that was opened at her chat. I picked my phone up and got ready to type but I hesitated.

Should I do this?

I didn't have much of a choice though, 'cuz my phone rang and lo and behold, my best friend, my crush, the girl I fell in love with, appeared as the caller ID.

My heart sank but my stomach filled with butterflies. This conflicting emotion wasn't a rare occurrence ever since I fell for my best friend but that didn't mean I was used to it. Fear and excitement coexisted where it shouldn't which only left me with a familiar uneasy feeling.

I only stopped for a moment before hitting the 'accept call' button.

"Hi!" I heard that cheery voice of hers ring from the other side of the phone and I could feel my insides warm.

Hey, yourself." I smiled. "What's up, Em?"

"Nothing much, I just feel like we haven't talked that much." She paused for a while before adding shyly, "And I miss you."

The warmth spread to my cheeks. "I really missed you too."

I heard her giggle and god, was it the most adorable sound ever. "Good to know. What have you been up to?"

Figuring out my sexuality and pining over you.

"Nothing much, just the usual." Liar. "What about you?"

"Just been thinking about you," she said casually and my heart fluttered.

I cleared my throat. "Any interesting stories lately?"

I heard another heavenly laugh. "Too many!"

She jumped right into it, not stopping once and honestly, I never wanted her to. Her voice in my ear was a comfort and I held onto it for as long as I could.

We talked and laughed for hours and I didn't even notice until I glanced at the clock on my wall. Time passed too quickly whenever I was with her, I always felt like it wasn't enough. It never was.

But then again, an infinite lifetime with her would still feel too short.

"And then, Mack ran out of the house with our dad chasing her in only his towel and shower cap with his back scrubber!" she laughed unrestrained, not holding it back and lighting up the entire world with it.

"Oh my god!" I laughed along with her. "How did she even pull that off? I can't believe I missed that!"

"See? This is why you should come over more often!"

I didn't know how to respond but it was fine because she started speaking again.

"Wow, I didn't realise the time! I should probably head to bed."

"Yeah, me too," feeling disappointed that she was gonna hang up soon even though I let out a yawn. "But I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"

"For sure! Good night, Ava."

"Night, Em."

"..."

"Are you still there?" she asked me.

"Uh, yeah?" I replied. "Put down the phone."

"No, you!" She giggled.

I smiled from hearing it. "You!"

"Ugh, fine! Bye."

"Okay, bye bye."

"..."

"Hello?"

"Emma," I breath out in a light chuckle. "Go sleep."

"Okay! Okay, for good this time, bye."

"Bye," I laughed and before I could stop myself, I added, "I love you."

And I shot up, frozen in place. It wasn't what I say, it was the way I did. Soft and vulnerable and definitely not just a friend proclaiming her platonic love to her best friend.

I heard Emma suck in a sharp breath as if she caught onto it too, and the line went dead silent.

"Ava-"

I heard her whisper but I pulled my phone away from me as if it was poison eating away at my flesh and hit the 'end call' button, tossing it beside me. I didn't hear her finish her sentence and I wasn't sure if I could handle it if I did.

Shit!

I hit my palm against my face and slid it down, groaning. How was I gonna face her tomorrow?

Just then, I heard my phone go off. The ringtone I had set just for Emma played and I swear I felt my heart stop.

Nervously, I glanced down at my phone to see the notification that popped up.

'I love you too <3'

Warmth spread through my body and I let out an involuntary grin. I fell back onto the bed with my arm covering across my face.

I glanced back at the message and made a high-pitched squeal that I never in a million years thought would come out of my mouth. Leave it to Emma to make me do things I normally wouldn't.

My heart raced in my chest.

She may not have meant it the way I have but it didn't matter because hearing her tell me she loved me was all I needed.

That was another thing about having a crush on your best friend; the I love you's were up for interpretation.

I placed the phone on my chest and let my arms sprawl out on the bed. Whatever sleepiness I had left my body, there was no way I could go to bed now.

So instead, I let my mind roam but this time, willingly. I let my thoughts free fall through a million different possibilities as the night turned to day.

I watched the sun rise.

And I smiled.

Because falling in love with my best friend was messy and complicated and heart-shattering. But it was also full of excitement and exhilaration and anticipation.

It was rollercoaster of emotions, full of ups and downs and twist and turns and even loops, but that's what made it thrilling. And for the first time in my normal life, I had something to keep me on my toes.

And I wouldn't have changed a thing.

Was my best friend also in love with me? I didn't know. Would I ever know? Maybe, maybe not. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little curious to know how she feels, be it good or bad. Maybe someday I'll ask her. Maybe I'll get to hold her. Maybe she'll never speak to me again.

But until then, all I had were the stories I've made up in my mind.

(More fics!)

#ava lawrence #ava x mc #ava mtfl #mtfl #my two first loves #mtfl choices #choices #choices: stories you play #pb #pixelberry #playchoices #mtfl fanfiction #choices fanfiction #thanks for reading!

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tosikoarts · 4 years

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SFW Alphabet | Kadokura Toshiyuki

There he is, the tanuki man! Ask box is now OPEN. You can check tosikowrites tag for more. Warning: there’s a lot under the cut.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Thanks to the omnipresent influence of bad luck, Kadokura has little experience when it comes to love life (yes, we don’t count a marriage which was a complete failure, okay, his wife and daughter ran off), courtship, and romance in general. Those relationships he was involved in never grew in anything serious, and he was often left with nothing but a broken heart so, obviously, when Kadokura starts to notice a flaring interest in anyone, he is confused.

First, what? Second, why? Could it happen in a more convenient time, not when he is hunted by a rabid Superior Private and, potentially, by a dozen more dangerous personalities in Hokkaido? Despite being a complete wreck, Kadokura tries to play it cool. He acts just as unperturbed as always, does not go out of his way to impress his untimely crush because what if they don’t like him at all? Worse! What if they are disgusted with him or something?

Thus the only affection they can expect are endless entertaining conversations, - Kadokura knows a ton of fables and his heart skips a bit when they laugh at yet another story, - and help whenever they may need it. In fact, he is just scared to death that his “luck” will affect them too. Moreover, if it happens, he won’t be able to protect them or play a knight in shining armor since he isn’t that personable, formidable, strong…

Kadokura is a king of pinning and self-doubt so, you know, the only way this relationship can progress anywhere is if his crush takes the initiative. Takes him by the hand, makes some compliments, shows that they care and are interested. The best option would be to just tell him directly what a dumb dummy he is that he can’t notice their green lights.

After that everything becomes much easier: Kadokura slowly steps up his dating game! Sure, it’s a long time from “Wow, your eyelashes are so long. Like cow’s eyelashes” to “Moon is beautiful, isn’t it?” (Note: check out Natsume Soseki to understand the context!) and from chilling by the fire to sitting on the porch of own house but trust the process.

Mostly relies on the way his partner shows their affection and adjusts to them. If they are more about verbal affection, he will put all his efforts into becoming smooth talker, if they are a more physical person, Kadokura will hold them by the hand and hug the shit out of them. Simple as that.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

The start of this friendship is unpredictable. They had to meet either before Kadokura started to work as a jailor (or they had to be imprisoned in Abashiri lol) or after he joined Hijikata Toshizou. Both options come down to Kadokura getting into some kind of trouble like make another lunatic mad at him and his future best friend, or simply bumping into them on the street, scattering all of the goods they just bought on the road. Kadokura gets under the horse's hooves in an attempt to collect them. Now he needs medical help. Please, help this poor man.

Never initiates anything but if you offer to hang out Kadokura will be down. Again, hanging out with him is a double-edged sword: you may end up in the maelstrom of events that will leave you with a shit ton of crazy stories for grandkids or you may fall onto the ground and lie like a stone telling each other the dumbest puns. Both are good, in my opinion, just be aware of the possibilities.

There are moments when he can't stop complaining about life. Usually, it happens over a shot of sake when Kadokura’s cheeks crimson, long sighs substitute commas in between of lamentations, and the atmosphere becomes more intimate. The prisoners are, of course, very attentive listeners, but you will not get any emotional feedback from them. With freshly made best friend, Kadokura tends to overshare and then profusely apologize for that.

Just like with Hijikata Toshizou, he will stick his neck out for them but won’t expect the same in return. To the point where if he was forced to choose between saving either Hijikata or his best friend, Kadokura will have to commit die instead.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Enjoys being cuddled more than he originally thought. For the first time in a while, his palms are sweating, butterflies are swarming in the stomach, so gentle touch feels almost dazing: Kadokura may even flinch in surprise when they start nuzzling on his shoulder like a cat. Later he finally convinces himself to ease off enough to pull them into an unescapable hug, fall together on the ground and fool around or pull them on his lap and plant few kisses on their cute nose. Doesn’t like spooning because every time he is big spoon three is no way he can keep hands to himself. The temptation is too great, and Kadokura doesn’t even try to resist it.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Why this question?. Who even dreams of a nasty cozy home? Of the disgusting overwhelming feeling of safety with the love of one’s life? Waking up and falling asleep together, sharing all good and bad from day to day? HORRIBLETERRIBLEAWFUL sign Kadokura up. Of course, he wants to settle down. The desire to have a family nest has been growing in his heart for years but until now there was no person to share this dream with. He brings up the idea of living together as soon as it seems more or less appropriate and flies over the moon (at the speed of light) when his partner supports it. Good at cooking but sucks at cleaning.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Classical breakup with “It’s not you, it’s me” line in it. Kadokura will not break up with his partner until all possible methods of saving relationships have been tried out: this is one of the most difficult decisions in his life ever and fucking up something that can be saved would be idiotic. He has doubts until the last second of course. Scratching the back of his head awkwardly and dejectedly avoiding their gaze, Kadokura tries to get to the point but his speech is interrupted by endless ummms and ughs. In the end, he feels as awful as they do, guilty and somewhat ashamed, so after making sure they are not going to do anything stupid, Kadokura flees.

There is not a lot to say besides that Kadokura clearly understands how hard it is to be left (and usually that’s how breakup feels like you were left on the side of the road) so he tries to be delicate. Checks up on them from time to time by sending long letters with detailed descriptions of his misadventures.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

He is no longer at an age when postponing a wedding is almost a matter of course but, at the same time, Kadokura is held back by the fear that this marriage will end like a previous one. Is he legally divorced at all?... Anyway, Kadokura is torn between proposing on the first anniversary and waiting an unknown amount of time until they bring up this question. Dreams of a small wedding with one or two guests from both sides so they are not obligated to be too serious and constrained with traditions. Kirawus has to be one of the guests, he cries at the sight of happy butthole peeker Kadokura.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Ayyy, he is the type of man who lets his hand go numb but won’t move it to not disturb his loved one’s sleep. Kadokura is way more gentle than any of the ex-soldiers, both physically and emotionally but his attempts to show it often come off as kind of awkward and malapropos. Do not let it upset you: Kadokura is a master in turning everything into a good joke and laughing at small inconveniences. He is the one to apologize first after the big argument, the one to offer a big hug after a bad day, the one to sit beside and listen to the emotional rent without giving even one unnecessary comment.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Whenever his loved one wants, Kadokura will be there with arms outstretched to the sides, ready to give them the tightest hugs. He likes to gently rub their back at the same time or nuzzle against their neck but is hesitant if there are any onlookers.

In family life, he has no problem with randomly running up to his loved one for a hug. Really, Kadokura is a sucker for unexpected back hugs where he can put hands on the partner’s waist and press them into his body, deliberately distracting them from housework.

You can easily tell Kadokura is having a rough day when he slips from usually coveted embraces: it is an unconscious trick to fish out a double portion of physical affection from his loved one.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Pretty fast compared to others. Half of the year, maybe? It has to be obvious you love a person by that time or so Kadokura thinks. He is not afraid to be misunderstood since by the time confession is ready to slip from his tongue, Kadokura already has planned a whole paragraph ahead of all questions: if they are not ready to say it back that’s fine, if they don’t feel the same right now or in general that’s fine if they need space to think about that’s fine. Everything is fine with Kadokura, he just wants to convey the idea that they are irreplaceable and make him feel like no one did before.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

A definition of confusion in all scenarios since he can’t clearly understand his own emotions. Is it a disappointment? If it is anger, it’s greatly diminished by a feeling of worthlessness. If they are being hit on, Kadokura sees himself as a rather weak opponent but picks himself up and stands next to a partner, gently taking them by the hand, and asks them if everything is alright. If the rival is excessively pushy, Kadokura will let out a heavy sigh before getting into a fight because no way he will let any bastard hurt his loved one. Needs to be patched up after the fight. Can’t stop smiling like a fool when they wipe the blood abundantly oozing from a broken nose. It’s good for his ego.

If they decided to flirt with anyone, Kadokura chokes on his own saliva. Like. What. This is so humiliating. He wants the ground open to swallow him up, along with all his stupid feelings for them, which, apparently, mean nothing. Needs a lot of space to cool down and has a hard time confronting them about the situation. Kadokura is more comfortable with repressing this unpleasant memory than sorting things out.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

With Kadokura every kiss is just like the first one in the best sense of the word: his kisses are gentle, warm, not too sloppy, not too dry, not priestly prude, and not teenagerly aggressive. Although he has a funny (or annoying, it is not for everyone) habit: sometimes he decides to smooch them in the middle of talking just because. If they scold him for that he just laughs it off and plants a hundred more kisses on their poppy-red face.

Loves to kiss his partner on temples and lips but, honestly, as long as it’s them Kadokura will kiss them whenever, from the top of the head to the tip of their pinky toes, literally. Prefers to be kissed on the lips too but also on the neck, chest, and belly.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

First of all, Kadokura loves children with his whole heart. Second of all, kids love Kadokura like no other babysitter. Put them together in one room and watch them vibe. Honestly, he is naturally good around little ones, it looks like he was born with a talent to keep up with those fidgets. If his child is struggling with any school subject, Kadokura will spend the evening with them, helping them to understand a difficult concept. Even if he doesn’t understand it himself, nothing can stop Kadokura from dive into books, teach himself, and then explain learned stuff to kids. Absolutely amusing when he babytalks. Wants three or four children but still has a fear of being a bad father (unreasonably!).

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Lazy as mornings can be. No one hurries to jump out of the bed to get down to business, and the house stays silent until late noon. After waking up, Kadokura languidly sits up in the sheets, yawns, and curls up back to his partner, spending another few hours snoozing in their warmth.

Eh, it feels like Kadokura is the type of person that is awfully quiet in the morning. It is easier for him to convey his thought with gestures than to start moving his tongue. Well, except when it comes to kisses. He doesn't mind spending some energy on that.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights are calm and cozy. They are pretty much normal, usually spent at home since it is nearly impossible to drag Kadokura anywhere after 6 p.m. On especially good days, he can surprise his partner with simple but delicious food: unusual gourmet dishes of the Michelin 3-star restaurant level aren’t his forte but miso soup made with unconditional love is definitely his signature dish.

Fond of playing games with his loved one despite losing 9 times out of 10. They have lost more than five dices already but Kadokura keeps buying new sets, of higher quality and higher price. After the game is finished, Kadokura or his partner thinks up a challenge for the loser like cook for a week or call the winner one specific word for a day so they can have more fun.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

They have to become his friend before Kadokura starts to reveal more info than the one that is known to everyone in the area. By the way, a good indicator of closeness is the ability to laugh together: look at his relationship with Kirawus, that is just the right level to open up. Takes things slowly, expects another person to share as much as he does. Kadokura is very particular when it comes to the innermost and knows how to keep secrets, so he makes it clear from the very beginning it’s okay to speak their mind, ask for advice, etc. As stated before, tends to overshare after having too much sake.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

The patient isn’t the right word, resigned is. There is nothing in this world that can surprise him: Kadokura had to deal with the most terrible scumbags imaginable, serve as bait for a killer (and face another person who wanted his death even more than the aforementioned killer!), freeze his ass off while standing on the thin ice with a knife between his rimed buttocks. Like, the peak of life’s evil tomfoolery is reached. Kadokura is prepared to face anything and everything and is relieved every time it’s not a near-death experience or bloodthirsty wild animal.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

It depends on how stars align on each separate day. Today he remembers 99,9% of what his loved one said and the next day not a single word reaches his brain cells. Kadokura is way more focused on feelings and emotions he experiences together with his partner so it is not uncommon for him to remember they were uncontrollably laughing but were cold than that they fell in the river because he was rocking the boat. It works the same with negative emotions: Kadokura somehow feels he should lock the dog even though he has no clear memory that his loved one is afraid of them. Why did I do it? I don’t know, gut’s feeling.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

A first kiss for sure! After a long lull in personal life, the first kiss with a new person awakens a whole storm of emotions in him. Kadokura feels like he is eighteen again, he just crossed the doorstep of adulthood and discovered the delight of the first relationship. This joy is enough to take away his speech for a minute: months later this moment makes him wince in disbelief of how silly he must have looked with eyes wide-opened and jaw hanging low. After that, he still had the courage to ask “oh so does it mean we are the thing now? Like the real thing?”. No, Kadokura spent the next week wondering if this was a feverish dream despite given a positive answer.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Do you want to live? Run then! Use the Joseph Joestar’s famous plan and strategically retreat because his brain needs some time to come up with a plan. Kadokura obviously wants to keep his loved one safe and sound, who doesn’t, but it is not that easy. He gives them a gun or knife to protect themself in the moment of danger since, chances are, Kadokura himself will be in even deeper troubles, millimeters away from swiftly bayonet sending him straight to heaven.

Relies mostly on keeping them as far from the battle scene as possible. Even if they handle a gun better than he does, Kadokura actively protests in every possible way and convinces them to stay somewhere safe: he knows for sure if they get injured, he will be the one to blame, and if something irreversible happens, he won’t be live on without a heavy burden of guilt.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Despite the lack of ample opportunities to show his love inexpensive or exquisite ways, Kadokura tries his best to impress his loved one. He is ready to change himself and change his life as well to be worthy of their company. A little more effort to get out of bed and shave this mess off the neck, even more effort to buy a new suit for their dinner date out, every drop of effort to accept his awkwardness and let things go with the flow. Anniversaries are treated the same way: if possible, in summer Kadokura will plan a trip to the South coast where they can enjoy loneliness together to the sound of waves breaking on the rocky shore. In winter, he will certainly try to create an extra festive and cozy atmosphere at home, cooking their favorite food, and making an excessive amount of tea. We are talking about the level at which the kettle is never empty. Relatively diligent in the everyday task but no powers in the world will force him to clean up like a normal man.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

“A wilted, uninspired middle-aged dude” he is, and it affects how Kadokura perceives himself more than you think. In turn, this perception seeps into his life as self-doubt, self-deprecating jokes, and hesitation in making important decisions. At the same time, if you point out this flaw to him, Kadokura will sulk. You would think he has to know better but no.

Unmotivated and has a hard time opening up to new experiences like learning new skills or finding new hobbies. Not as much as Kikuta, but Kadokura also has a habit of doing as he did twenty years ago even if the consequences did not live up to expectations. He sees a rake that WILL hit him on the forehead and JUMPS on it anyway.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Earlier in the days when grass was greener and the sky was bluer, Kadokura put more thought into his appearance but over time it changed. With the current state of the world, he doesn’t bother to waste his time fixing his hair every hour and blow the dust off his shoes. His uniform is in a relatively ok condition, with few patches here and there, three-day stubble often overgrows in one-week stubble, and bags under the eyes give him a shabby look but there is a charm in it.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Some people try too hard to hide the fact they are hurt while going through a bad breakup and he is one of them. Days seem endlessly long and gloomy, Kadokura performs given tasks only because it is expected from him, he stops playing cards with Kirawus and doesn’t bat an eyelid when ainu bugs him. Absent-mindedness leads Kadokura straight into new problems but none of them is enough to shake him up. He is… sad. Simply as that. Not heartbroken, not sorrowful. It is an empty sadness that leaves you painfully numb without a stingy tear to shed. To make it even worse, after the breakup Kadokura persistently seeks their company again and again for reasons he can’t explain. Maybe, it is desensitization: the more he sees them as an outsider, the easier he takes it. Shortly after, he will try to find the trace of his ex-wife and daughter, reunite with them if… they want to, you know. They might start a new life while he was nodding off in the workplace.

If they have been killed, Kadokura will live on, faithfully serving Hijikata. He refuses to talk about them at all, brushing off offered emotional support. Still, he was born under an unlucky star and nothing can be done about it: it is something he has to come to terms with.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Let's forget the canon for a second and pretend that Kadokura has a sister or a brother who, in turn, has a child. So my headcanon is that he is a cool uncle. The one who gives kids life advice in the form of a funny parable, pretends he doesn’t hear them sneaking out in the night, puts more money in an envelope so they can save some up for cool stuff. His lifehacks are actually useful even though sometimes questionable… The one who doesn’t have to try to fit in with the new-gen because he got it already.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

There is only one specific thing that comes to mind since Kadokura is too chill and it seems he can deal with almost everything.

People with excessive energy. We are not talking about the literal ray of sunshine type of person that beams with energy but rather about people who are active and need other people to match them. They need strong feedback from another person to feel validated and not to fall into the depression abyss and Kadokura is not a person to match this description. He is not about running around 24/7 enthusiastically grimacing at every little thing. It's exhausting. It is annoying. Kadokura’s social battery runs out on their second sentence so he prefers to avoid such Duracell bunnies at all costs.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Just like Kikuta has a specific ritual before going to bed. Jailer's work taught Kadokura to pay more attention to the security of the house so he can’t fall asleep without checking all the doors. This habit has nothing to do with obsessive-compulsive disorder, it is what it is. Besides it, Kadokura gives his partner a goodnight kiss on the temple because what if he wakes up and they are not here or what if he won’t have any other chance to do it. This one doesn’t change even if Kadokura is stressed the f out: he may be red from the anger but he will lean down and smooch them to remind how much they mean to him.

#golden kamuy #kadokura #kadokura toshiyuki #golden kamuy headcanon #golden kamuy imagine #tosikowrites

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awake-my-oceans · 3 years

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Days 8 and 9

So I said I’d do this every day and then promptly skipped a day. Whoops. In all fairness, I did write out my response and planned to post it later, but then I got sucked into the black hole of a very well-executed, very stressful fanfic until 1:30 and then promptly passed out. Anyways, my responses to both days are under the cut. (Some people in this challenge put NFSW stuff under the cut. None of my stuff is NSFW, but it’s under a cut anyways since it’s longer than normal.)

What is your favorite trope to write and/or read? And is there a difference between reading and writing the trope?

Found family found family found—

I used to think my favorite trope was angst and/or whump. But then I realized that the darker parts were an unhealthy outlet for various mental health stuff, and the healthy stuff was essentially “character A is legitimately suffering, but then found family makes it better. It doesn’t necessarily fix the situation, but it makes things possible where they were not before.”

So, like. Found family that’s not afraid of angst but doesn’t intend to go in circles with the angst, either.

If I write it, I like the specific brand of trope/characterization/etc more than usual. Whether it’s because it takes stronger-than-normal like to get me writing, or because writing makes me like it more, is anyone’s guess. Probably both, tbh.

This is on full display in my current wip. I could easily and accurately summarize it as “therapy ain’t happening, lol, so throw found family and a few much-needed breakdowns into the pot for a home brew version.” (Admittedly, two protagonists are cousins, but, like. They basically have to decide whether to let that family claim matter to them, and they way they do it is essentially by found family-ing each other so, like? Classify that as you will.)

Tell us about ideas you have floating around. Worldbuilding snippets, or ideas for new stories. Just a few bullet points.

Underneath Kid and Conan (friendly rivals) is thief and detective (legally opponents). But underneath that is Kaito and Shinichi (lonely, the both of them, and worldshakingly kind).

Kaito is soft, around his doves, in ways the masks of Kuroba and KID otherwise don’t allow.

Toichi taught Kaito a whole lot about acting, but the thing that really drilled it into Kaito’s bones was the days, weeks, months, and years after Toichi died. His father was dead, his mother was emotionally and perhaps physically absent, and Kaito was a wreck. Adults, and Aoko, were understandably concerned. And Kaito, oh so kind underneath it all, was upset because his behavior was making people sad and worried, and he didn’t like it. So he fiddled around with how he presented himself until he discovered that “quiet, silly kid and occasional class clown” made people think he was bouncing back. He wasn’t, but after a while, only Aoko really suspected it. KID is a weirdly honest way for him to express how behind the easy humor is grief and skill and steel self-control.

Akako’s magic can make anyone besotted with her—except for the people she genuinely does or will love. Her journey to accepting this is complicated.

Kaito initially started being KID for the opportunity to connect with his father and for the thrill, in that order. But after only a few heists, he starts realizing that while those things have value, it’s not worth the damage it will do to his future—legally, mental-health-wise, and with Aoko. If he hadn’t found out the details of his father’s murder via his father’s murderers, he would have kept an ear to the ground because of Jii saying his father was murdered, but he otherwise would have dropped KID within a few weeks.

When he moves back into his own house, Shinichi is a little disgruntled and a little mad and a little wistful to discover that he sleeps easier when someone else is in the room snoring, now.

#100daysofwriting #dcmk postcanon fic #dcmk #not bnha

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to-a-merrier-world · 4 years

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Fandom Fic Rec Days!

Day 2

(If you don’t know what this is, check out this post!)

I’m grouping my recs based on fandom, and this rec list is all Marvel fanfics! This list includes X-Men, AUs, and canon divergence, with a multitude of pairings.

(These are listed in no particular order. Fics rated explicit are labeled with ***. Authors are tagged where possible. If you’re an author on this list and would like to be removed, please let me know!

And as always: read tags, and don’t like, don’t read!)

1) Bend Around the Wind by @scyllaya***

And the podfic of this by @aerie11e

Main Pairing: Tony Stark/Loki

A double rec! This massive fic comes in at over 400k (and 44 hours)! It has the found family trope (of course), and is a slow build / enemies to friends to lovers fic. And gooood the build-up to romantic feelings is so good!!! It also has the spice of space pirates and moral ambiguity, and some fantastic alien OCs. And the podfic is so wonderful to listen to, aerie11e’s voice is soothing and enjoyable. It’s definitely a fave to listen to while relaxing. Scyllaya also breathes life into the wider Marvel universe that makes it really feel as vast and interconnected as it is in comics/movies. If you’re into enemies to lovers, space adventure, and found family, I highly recommend this one! A very fun read.

2) More than Genetics by Llwyden ferch Gyfrinach (Llwyden)***

Main Pairing: Logan/Kurt Wagner

Ugh, love this fic. Kurt (aka Nightcrawler) is probably my fave X-man, and I really loved how he was depicted in this. His struggle with being a very obviously mutant person--and how he’s been targeted with violence because of it--was really well done, and his journey of healing was lovely. And Logan! Gruff but caring, love to see it. Also loved to see him struggle with his own issues of memory loss and discomfort with building connections with other people. Overall, a great read!

3) Deep in the Heart of Me by Finely Honed (jaqen_hgar)***

Main Pairing: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

I gotta be honest--this fic made me cry. Like, a lot. It’s one of those fics that draws you in and then emotionally wrecks you and THEN gives you the ending you want. If you like realistic, but ultimately hopeful, depictions of two adults with baggage and flaws who learn to build a relationship together, then this is 100% the fic for you. The depiction of PTSD is so real here, and you really see and feel the character growth, the suffering, the healing--all of it. The love really jumps out in this fic, and it’s just so, so beautiful. I cannot recommend this fic enough, it destroyed me in the best way possible AND gave me a happy ending. What more can you ask for?

4) i’m ready to die holding your hand by @fingerprintbruises***

Main Pairing: James “Bucky” Barnes/Steve Rogers

It’s been 2 months since I read this fic and I cannot stop thinking about it. Zombie AUs are something that I always seek out, but rarely find versions of that I really, really love. This one, though, is definitely one I ended up adoring. The suspense and danger are palpable, and the emotions between characters even more so. I loved how I could really feel the bonds between the characters--and the growing bond between Bucky and Steve throughout the fic. There is, of course, plenty of angst--a staple for many zombie stories--but the journey is so worth it. I really loved this and cannot recommend enough!!!

5) Always Glad You Came by @captainkirkk

Main Pairing: Peter Parker/Johnny Storm

This is just a really fun read of two superhero teens crushing on each other and then dating--and the misunderstanding of Spider-Man’s alias (the “Man” in his title doesn’t mean Peter is actually an adult lol). Johnny’s crush on Peter is super cute, and the Fantastic Four’s protective streak with him is sweet (even though you feel bad for poor Peter). This is just overall a wholesome read, and I loved it.

6) Winterheart by orphan_account***

Main Pairing: Tony Stark/Loki

Idk about y’all, but there’s nothing like a Beauty and the Beast AU. I loved the concept of Loki receiving a more ~magical~ punishment for his wrongs in the first Thor movie, and Tony and Loki’s relationship had such a nice build-up--and the ending!!! So good. I also loved getting so much of Natasha and Clint in this fic, especially Clint--he really was “grew up in the circus”, kinda silly, bit of a disaster Clint Barton (rather than whatever the fuck MCU Clint was).

7) I’ll Tell No Lies by doctorestranged***

Main Pairing: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson

Dead Men Walking series

Goooood this fic (and series)... so good. It’s a case fic series with identity porn (and actual porn lmao), and a really interesting relationship between Peter and Wade. This is another age gap fic with a 20yo Peter and a 30-something Wade, and the fic plays around with that a fair amount. When I was reading this series, I seriously couldn’t put it down, it really draws you in. I recommend it a lot!

8) What All This Time Was For by @theladyragnell

Main Pairing: Franklin “Foggy” Nelson/Matt Murdock

Aaah, a classic. I love the “bringing my boyfriend to my high school reunion and blowing my old classmates minds” trope and then it goes and combines it with the other fantastic Fake Dating trope!!! So much fun. And the sharing a hotel room!! All the tropes, it’s such a good time. Definitely recommend for a fun, get-together fic!!

#ficrecdays #avengers #spider-man homecoming #deadpool #daredevil #x-men #the fantastic four #spideypool #stucky #stony #spideytorch #foggy nelson x matt murdock #frostiron #logan x kurt wagner

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youareunbearable · 4 years

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Catch me not having a clue who any of these gods(?) and people are, but still sitting here like, "I ship that pretty one with the gruff one, and that brown haired one with the other(?) gruff one?" without knowing names or what this is except the fanart I see you reblog, because this fandom apparently has lots of nice art

Fam i have no idea what ur talking about or when u sent this im so sorry asfkjhfkjhf but i thiiiinnnkkkk??????? it’s “Heavens Official Blessing” or Tiān Guān Cì Fú (TGCF for tagging stuff) its originally a chinese gay novel that is soooooooo long by the author Mo Xiang Tong Xiu (MXTX) who wrote 2 (two?????) other novels that I know of that are also gay historical fantasy but i personally havent actually read TGCF???? im just watching the anime and looking at the wiki and reading fanfics so i have a vague idea whats going on but not really???? so i cant really give a good review BUT i LOVE THE CHARACTERS MXTX WRITES SO MUCH AFHAFKFHKFAKF IM SO SORRY IM SHIT WITH TAGGING SO U HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IM HYPER FIXATING ON BUT

LISTEN

Pretty one and the gruff one im THINKING is He Xuan (or Ming Yi/ Ming-Xiong/Ming Bro) for the grumpy one and Shi Qingxuan for the pretty one and both are kinda gender fluid?? (more Shi Qingxuan but they both change their forms to be both women and men which is Iconic and the anime put her in the TRANS FLAG COLOUR instead of her canon white and green which is ICONIC) AND THHEYRE SO TRAGIC AND HOT AND I CRY JUST THINKING ABOUT THEIR STORY LIKE AFHDFKJAFDSGS like i want to kinda read the book just for them, the two super minor characters, but i also read somewhere that their story doesn’t really have a clean ending so im also holding back from just getting Emotionally Hurt because im a cancer and i know it’ll wreck me

I think The Two Gruff Idiots are Feng Xin (dark haired gruff boy) and Mu Qing (brown haired gruff boy) and theyre both martial gods and both knew each other for over 800 years and both tried to take care of Actual Human And Heavenly Disaster Xie Lian, failed, and tried to do it again 800 years later but with stupid glasses with moustaches in hopes that Xie Lian cant figure out that they care about him but OOPS Xie Lian does in fact have the braincell of the three of them fajfafjajf

Heres the link to watch the anime, there are 11 eps rn but it updates every weekend (I dont actually know when but i watch it on sundays) Make sure u have ur ad block on tho lol there is a manga too and the art style is TO DIE FOR like its GORGEOUS but its roughly at the same pace as the anime so eh

Heres where to read the whole thing online, just a warning its BIG AS FUCK like 244? plus extras I think??

I’d also recommend MXTX’s other books!

Mo Dao Zu Shi (or Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation/ The Untamed/MDZS) is both a Book as well as an Anime (the whole thing is on youtube) , a Live Action which you can watch on Netflix (look up Untamed, also a warning, the plot is a little different from the book and anime cause of uhhh censorship?? also i guess to make it more live drama friendly, my friends an i binged it and really liked it, but some of the fandom doesn’t), a manga which is not finished I think???? idk im not caught up, and a fucking chinese AUDIO DRAMA LIKE BITCH ITS SO WELL DONE but i have to stop listening sometimes cause like there is a difference between watching/reading characters kiss, and then like just hearing them, i get so embarrassed i have to skip the kissing scenes and god forbid i accidentally click on the smutty extras alfjajlfjalfjaljf u can find it on youtube, i linked the one i listen to but i havent finished it and i don’t think it’s all of it, but you can find other episodes/chapters easily

Its about 1 Dumb Yet So Smart gay/bi man (Wei Wuxian) who honestly tries his fucking best, fucks up everything, dies for over a decade, and then is forcefully brought back to life to solve a murder mystery with the guy who has been in Super Gay Love with him since they were teens (Lan Zhan), a bunch of teens Who Are Just Honestly Here For A Good Time And Yet (Lan Juniors, Jin Ling, and Best Boy Ouyang Zizhen ) while badly hiding his real identity from all the people he knows, including his foster brother (Jiang Cheng) who is out for blood and hunting his ass down with a whip and also Lan Zhan who is travelling with him. Also the Killer. There is a killer on the loose and is willing to murder whoever to keep their secrets. Also Nie Huaisang. I adore him and his brother Nie Mingjue, if there is one bitch u gotta remember from this summary it’s this little twink (he and his brother also have a fucking spin off movie from the live action drama THAT I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO FIND A ENGLISH SUB VERSION AND ITS BEEN KILLING ME SINCE I STARTED WATCHING THIS SHOW LAST YEAR. GOOGLE GIVE ME MY FAVOURITE TWINK AND HIS BEAR OF A BROTHER HAVING A FUN FAMILY ROAD TRIP!!!!!!!)

My Personal Current Favourite is Scum Villain’s Self Saving System (SVSSS) which is SOOOOOOO FUNNY Like it’s not as popular cause the comic was discontinued, and the anime looks like its from 2005 with the weird 3D animation but its my current comfort media!!!

Its basically about a spite reading millennial (Shen Yuan) who died after reading a REALLY awful popular cheesy smut harem novel (think like 50 shade series but worse cause the protag had 600 wives) and was forced into the body of a minor but important villain (the protagonist’s teacher, Shen Qingqiu) from the novel who was fated to die with all his limbs cut off and his eyes and tongue plucked out and is told he has to fix the story so its not trash, he reasonably freaks the fuck out and hugs the protagonists (Luo Binghe) thigh so hard he turns him gay without realizing. Sadly, he does have to make sure certain plot points happen, which fucks him over a lot, and he thinks Luo Binghe still wants to kill him instead of love him cause he has the Emotional Intelligence of a Rock, but its so funny reading about him handling all the awful tropey stuff, like imagine u have to be a character in My Immortal But With Porn?????? without breaking out of character too much?? I wouldn’t be able to handle it ajhakfkfhjfj He also finds out that he’s not the only transmigrator in the novel either, but it doesn’t matter cause theyre both So Fucking Stupid Collectively but everyone would honestly die for the both of them

warning for this story though, the main relationship is a teacher/student relationship, but nothing happens until the student is in his 20s and also kinda not his student anymore cause he’s running hell??? but if that squicks u out i totally understand and offer you to PLEASE still enjoy some of this media, and instead of the BingQiu ship, I offer you the LiuQiu one, where both me and the main character cry over how a beautiful man/fellow immortal lord loves the main character so much that he literally fought every day for 5 years to be by his side and I Think Thats Beautiful and I kinda like this ship more than the main one tbh PLEASE just look at the art for Liu Qingge because i love him so much, he’s like if you took Lan Zhan and Jiang Cheng from MDZS and mashed them into one beautiful man the author is trying to tell me is straight but u take one look at him And Tell Me Otherwise

#anon #answering asks probably really late but i live on mobile and i dont get notifications a lot #FHAKJAKFJFAFJA SORRY FOR INFO DUMPING ON U ANON BUT PLEASE LOVE THESE #I LOVE THESE #AND MY IRL FRIENDS DONT CARE ABOUT THEM #theyre like yeah amber ill watch the drama and maybe an anime but its ok no we dont want u to keep sending us tikoks its ok #LIKE IM WEEPING PLEASE ENJOY THIS CONTENT!!!!!!!#but for real if u want a love story for the ages read TGCF i've heard its really good #SVSSS is like the less serious and shortest novel of the three but so good #and MDZS is like the most popular successful middle child that every and their mother has seen and enjoyed #MDZS #SVSSS #TGCF #MXTX #also im once again sorry about how i never tag anything im just convinced no one actually goes on my blog #but i'm always surprised when i get asks like this asking me to tag things or asking about a thing im enjoying #and therefore flooding their dashs with lol #Anonymous

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syn0vial · 4 years

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Top 5 books?

thanks for the question! in no particular order bc i genuinely don’t remember which i like best:

the book of the dead: lives of the justly famous and the underservedly obscure by john mitchison: this book is so dang fascinating, i couldn’t put it down when i first read it. it’s a book of mini-biographies of fascinating people, both well-known and relatively forgotten. it’s chapter on ada lovelace is especially moving.

the things they carried by tim o’brien: i had to read this in high school and it freaking wrecked me emotionally. it’s a partially true narrative based on the author’s experiences in the vietnam war. it can be hard to read at times bc it’s a very unflinching portrayal of the horrors both endured and inflicted by the soldiers in vietnam, but it also has a lot of haunting words about the nature of war, reality, and stories. my favorite of which is: “A true war story is never moral. It does not instruct, nor encourage virtue, nor suggest models of proper human behavior, nor restrain men from doing the things men have always done. If a story seems moral, do not believe it. If at the end of a war story you feel uplifted, or if you feel that some small bit of rectitude has been salvaged from the larger waste, then you have been made the victim of a very old and terrible lie. There is no rectitude whatsoever. There is no virtue. As a first rule of thumb, therefore, you can tell a true war story by its absolute and uncompromising allegiance to obscenity and evil.”

the sandman by neil gaiman: my dad got me a set of this ENTIRE SERIES when i was a kid and as a budding oneironaut myself, i ate it up. the art and writing was so striking that i still remember certain panels years after reading. i just love the premise of concepts like dream, delirium, desire, etc, being characters in and of themselves and it was very satisfying seeing the intricate plot gradually unfurl. also, i have fond memories of my then-theater-kid brother reading certain pages in character. we even went to dragon*con as dream and delirium one year :D

fingersmith by sarah waters: two words: VICTORIAN. LESBIANS. this is actually the novel on which the movie the handmaid was based! it’s about a thief who is placed into the home of a wealthy heiress as part of a heist, but it turns out the heiress isn’t what she seems and there’s just so much intrigue and dramatic revelation. very good lesbians, 10/10, would recommend

boba fett junior novels by various authors: LOL I’M SORRY BUT. I HAVE TO PUT THESE ON HERE. i read these books when i was nine years old and they literally changed my life, like i would not be the story-loving star wars nerd i am today if i hadn’t read them. looking back at them as an adult, they were often goofy and not always well-written, BUT they were the first books i read that dealt so plainly with “adult” topics like death, revenge, war, etc and even looking back now, there are scenes where i’m like, “wow, i can’t believe i read that in a kids’ book!” i remember i was completely inconsolable when jango died and would tell anyone who listened about how horrible mace windu was asjdfsdsf sorry mace!!

#books #coruscant-nights

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douwatahima · 3 years

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Turns out I have some more feelings about the manga I finished yesterday. Not naming it so this doesn’t end up in the tags. Please don’t read this, lol. The fourteen year old version of me jumped out.

I think the thing that bugged me most about this last stretch of DN Angel is how much it felt like Yukiru Sugisaki was just...done with the whole thing. Like everything felt very rushed towards a specific, easy conclusion that didn't address a lot of the interesting pieces she had previously laid down.

Like, I remember reading those last few chapters before the eight year long hiatus and HOLY SHIT there was so much! The Dark/Risa relationship all of a sudden becomes an actual threat, not just to Daisuke/Riku, but to Daisuke himself! Satoshi completely lets his guard down around Daisuke, trusting that the person he loves will make this huge sacrifice for him, and when Daisuke refuses he POINTS A GUN TO HIS OWN HEAD. AND THEN WHEN HE GETS CAUGHT HE GOES OFF INTO THE FOREST WITH. THE. GUN!!! AND THEN!!!! RIKU FINDS OUT DAISUKE IS DARK!!!!!!!! IT'S WILD AS FUCK!!!!!!!!

And then we come back and a lot of this is immediately dealt with in a comedic fashion and we just move on. Dark and Daisuke don't talk about that Risa interaction. No one goes after Satoshi. Daisuke comes up with some excuse and Riku is satiated for now.

Then we got the whole dream circus arc. Which was honestly alright. I enjoyed Daisuke coming to terms with the fact that he cannot separate himself from Dark. They are one and the same, for better or worse. And honestly, at first I thought this arc was going to lead us somewhere interesting. Because if Daisuke and Dark now understand that they are a package deal, how do they deal with the whole Riku and Risa thing???? (The answer is they basically don't but I'll get there). I was 100% ready to love this arc and then they did...the thing and I...

Okay, look. Full disclosure, I've been a DN Angel fan since I was like, fourteen. It is linked to me in a way that can only happen when you're obsessed with something at the height of your awkward teen years. And the thing that continues to be my favourite part of the whole story is the relationship between Satoshi and Daisuke. They were my number one ship, not just at fourteen, but...honestly probably through all of my teen years. Like, remember when people used to make jokes on this website about someone asking about your otp and you pull out your binder of reasons? I literally made a Satodai binder. That's not a joke. They were it for me.

And, don't get me wrong, there was never a point where I honestly thought the manga was gonna have Daisuke leave Riku and end up with Satoshi. I dreamed about it, but didn't honestly expect it. BUT I loved the way the manga addressed Satoshi's feelings for Daisuke. This is someone who Satoshi treasures above all others. The person who makes him believe the world can be better. The person he would do ANYTHING for. Like, Satoshi LOVES him.

Which is why it's so frustrating to me that Yukiru Sugisaki decided it would be better for Satoshi to have a two second dream about Risa that changes all of his feelings instantaneously. Like, I'm not here to shit on Satoshi/Risa fans, and I'm happy y'all got your ship. Honestly. But, the two of them have barely spoken before this and then Satoshi has a dream and literally says, "oh I guess my feelings have changed now" like...two volumes before the end! AND THEN THEY DON'T EVEN TALK UNTIL THE VERY END OF THE SERIES. FOR WHAT????

It honestly just read to me as, the mangaka wanted to end the series and Satoshi continuing to be into Daisuke was too emotionally complicated to quickly wrap up so he loves Risa now. And hey, that clears up the whole Dark/Risa thing, right? I'll get to that.

ANYWAY, so then we jump into an elongated story about some past Niwa/Hikari drama which would've been fun if I hadn't been growing more and more confused as I noticed how few chapters were left and we were STILL ON THIS. Like, I love when DN Angel gives us fun new characters to talk about. Hell, the Freedert arc and the Argentine arc are two of my favourites. But, when you only have a limited amount of time...It just felt like this was something Yukiru Sugisaki was maybe sitting on for awhile so she didn't want to skip it, but she also wanted to finish the story as soon as possible so the ending comes IMMEDIATELY after which makes this whole arc feel...weird. Like...we could've spent our last few chapters on the characters we know and love but...instead...

Then we get to the endgame. So, quick poll, do we think the mangaka already had this ending in mind before the anime came out or do we think she decided to do the anime ending because she had no idea how to finish the story. I'm really not sure, but either way it felt soooo anticlimactic given that we've had the anime ending for almost 20 years. Like...what was I waiting around for if you were just gonna do the same thing????? And look, I honestly never finished the anime because I couldn't stand the way they chose to characterize some of my favourite characters (most notably Satoshi and Risa) and I'd read what the ending was and hated it lol. But I digress.

The thing about the ending that gets me most is that it all comes on so fast. Like, you wanna do the anime ending? Okay. Don't love the idea, but okay. BUT it all happens in like... 2-3 chapters. Like, all of a sudden the Black Wings is sucking up power from the artwork and, oh no, here comes Krad ready wreck shop. And then we, randomly at THE END OF THE MANGA find out Satoshi's adopted Dad is actually his real Dad and also he's a piece of artwork which makes Satoshi half a piece of artwork???? Why are you telling us this now???? Then Satoshi and Daisuke seal Dark and Krad into the Black Wings the end. Like...????? That's it?????

OH ALSO I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT THE HARADA TWINS ARE MOVING TO ANOTHER COUNTRY. HONESTLY PROBABLY BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE YUKIRU SUGISAKI FORGOT TOO SINCE THERE'S NO CLOSURE ON THAT?????? (Honestly, I'm laughing because I literally forgot about this fact until just now. AGAIN WHAT WAS THE REASON LMAO!!!)

Okay, so the story's done but where does it leave our favourite characters???

Daisuke and Riku have figured their shit out and are...presumably going to do long distance??? Idk, they never really address whether they're staying together or not as far as I can remember???? Like, this is the relationship I thought we would get the most closure on but ?????????

Risa just gets to be sad for awhile I guess. It's honestly so infuriating to me that we got this awesome moment before the hiatus where Dark asked Risa if she would love him no matter what and she says yes with her WHOLE CHEST and that's enough for Dark to almost, like, take over Daisuke's body permanently. Like, her love for Dark is as real as Riku's love for Daisuke but she's not allowed to have a happy ending like her sister. She gets to see Dark one last time where he kisses her and hopes she'll always be his best girl and then he flies off into the night while she begs him not to leave. Then, she gets to cry in the street, trying to remember him while everyone else is forgetting. Well, at least she has Satoshi, right????

But like, we don't even know if she likes Satoshi that way. There's been...no indication that she does as far as I know. And as he's hugging her, Satoshi is having these thoughts hoping she'll be able to remember Dark because he knows how meaningful he is to her. So their ending is LITERALLY Risa gets to be horribly heartbroken and Satoshi gets to pine for someone else who, at this point, doesn't love him back.

Like, once again not to shit on Satoshi/Risa fans but...is this the ending y'all wanted????? Because as someone who stans them both this just felt horrible. It reads as a feeble attempt to "pair the spares" (since in the story the mangaka wanted to tell, neither of them could be with who they originally loved) but, like, even then this is the saddest way to do that. OH! And once again, if Risa is moving, ARE THEY EVEN GOING TO BE TOGETHER????? Like, what are we supposed to get from this what is the REASON??????

And then there's Dark and Krad being stuck in the Black Wings for eternity. The biggest reason I didn't like this ending in the anime. Like, look. I get that you have to end your manga somehow. BUT if your plan was to reunite Dark and Krad in this way I don't understand why you would write a whole interaction, mere chapters before, having Dark say that that's the LAST thing he wants to do. HE SAYS THAT THEY AREN'T THE SAME ANYMORE AND THAT HE DOESN'T WANT TO RETURN TO HIM. AND THEN HE'S FORCED TO DO JUST THAT. FOR. WHAT?????

Like, Dark isn't a villain. He's one of our main protagonists and has been this whole time. I get that in stories sometimes characters have sad endings. (I've already argued that I think both Satoshi and Risa's endings were bittersweet at best). But to have Dark say mere chapters before it happens that he categorically DOES NOT want to rejoin Krad and then force him to do just that feels like such a needlessly cruel thing to do to this character we're meant to love.

Once again, it just felt so much like Yukiru Sugisaki wanted to end the series as quickly as possible. I get her wanting to come back to it; she's kinda notorious for not finishing things so I get the impulse to just drive through and get at least one story done. But, it felt like so many things were skipped over or changed just because it made getting to the end goal easier and less complicated. Not addressing some of the cool shit she laid down before the hiatus, completely morphing Satoshi's feelings in a dream, writing off Risa's feelings for Dark, telling us all of the Satoshi backstory stuff at the last goddamn minute, giving Dark his worst nightmare as an ending, so many of these things done just to move things along towards a specific end goal as fast as possible.

Honestly, there's a part of me that wishes she hadn't come back and finished it at all. I was happy enough with the ending I had written in my head and would've preferred it to what we ended up getting ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Anyway, to anyone who actually read this (and a part of me hopes no one does lmao) thanks for listening to me ramble. And if you're a Satoshi/Risa fan, uh, sorry I hated on your ship lol. You're cool.

#can't believe i spent time writing an essay on a manga no one likes anymore lmao #sorry if you do read this it's near unintelligable

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